i need an answer of 300 words for the question below and its going to be from the Help book

The H elp KATH RYN S T O CK ETT Penguin G ro up U SA Table o f C onte nts C opyrig ht P age D ed ic a tio n A IB IL EEN c hap te r 1 - A ugust 1 962 c hap te r 2 M IN NY c hap te r 3 c hap te r 4 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 5 c hap te r 6 A IB IL EEN c hap te r 7 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 8 c hap te r 9 M IN NY c hap te r 1 0 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 1 1 c hap te r 1 2 c hap te r 1 3 A IB IL EEN chap te r 1 4 chap te r 1 5 chap te r 1 6 MIN NY chap te r 1 7 chap te r 1 8 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 1 9 chap te r 2 0 chap te r 2 1 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 2 chap te r 2 3 MIN NY chap te r 2 4 TH E B EN EFIT chap te r 2 5 MIN NY chap te r 2 6 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 2 7 chap te r 2 8 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 9 MIN NY chap te r 3 0 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 1 MIN NY chap te r 3 2 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 3 3 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 4 Ack now le d gem en ts TO O L IT TLE , T O O L ATE ABO U T T H E A U TH OR AM Y E IN HORN B O OKS Pub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Publis h ers S in ce 1 838 Pub lis h ed b y th e P enguin G ro up Penguin G ro up ( U SA ) I n c., 3 75 H ud so n S tr e et, N ew Y ork , N ew Y ork 1 0014, U SA P enguin Gro up ( C anad a), 9 0 E glin to n A venue E ast, S uit e 7 00, T oro nto , O nta rio M 4P 2 Y 3, C anad a ( a d iv is io n o f Pears o n C anad a I n c.) P enguin B ooks L td , 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd P enguin Ire la nd , 2 5 S t S te p hen's G re en, D ub lin 2 , I re la nd ( a d iv is io n o f P enguin B ooks L td ) P enguin Gro up ( A ustr a lia ), 2 50 C am berw ell R oad , C am berw ell, V ic to ria 3 124, A ustr a lia ( a d iv is io n of P ears o n A ustr a lia G ro up P ty L td ) P enguin B ooks I n d ia P vt L td , 1 1 C om munit y C entr e , Panchsh eel P ark , N ew D elh i- 1 1 0 0 17, I n d ia P enguin G ro up ( N Z), 6 7 A pollo D riv e, R ose d ale , North S ho re 0 632, N ew Z eala nd ( a d iv is io n o f P ears o n N ew Z eala nd L td ) P enguin B ooks (S outh A fr ic a) ( P ty ) L td , 2 4 S tu rd ee A venue, R ose b ank , J o hannesb urg 2 196, S outh A fr ic a Penguin B ooks L td , R egis te re d O ffic es: 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd Fir s t p ub lis h ed in th e U nit e d S ta te s b y A my E in ho rn B ooks, p ub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Copyrig ht ( c ) 2 009 b y K ath ry n S to ck ett All r ig hts r e se rv ed . N o p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , s c anned , o r d is tr ib ute d in a ny prin te d or e le ctr o nic fo rm w it h o ut p erm is sio n. P le ase d o n o t p artic ip ate in o r e nco ura ge p ir a cy o f co pyrig hte d mate ria ls in v io la tio n o f th e a uth o r's r ig hts . P urc hase o nly a uth o riz e d e d it io ns.

Pub lis h ed s im ult a neo usly in C anad a A C IP c ata lo gue r e co rd o f th is b ook is a vaila b le fr o m th e U .S . L ib ra ry o f C ongre ss.

This is a w ork o f fic tio n. N am es, c hara cte rs , p la ces, a nd in cid ents e it h er a re th e p ro duct o f th e auth o r's im agin atio n o r a re u se d fic tit io usly , a nd a ny r e se m bla nce to a ctu al p ers o ns, liv in g o r d ead , busin esse s, c o m panie s, e vents , o r lo cale s is e ntir e ly c o in cid enta l.

While th e a uth o r h as m ad e e very e ffo rt to p ro vid e a ccura te te le p ho ne n um bers a nd I n te rn et ad dre sse s at th e tim e o f p ub lic atio n, n eit h er th e p ub lis h er n o r th e a uth o r a ssu m es a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r e rro rs , or fo r c hanges th at o ccur a fte r p ub lic atio n. F urth er, th e p ub lis h er d oes n o t h ave a ny c o ntr o l o ver and d oes n o t a ssu m e a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r a uth o r o r th ir d -p arty w eb sit e s o r th eir c o nte nt.

eIS B N : 9 78-1 -4 40-6 9763-0 http :/ /u s.p enguin gro up .c o m T o G ra nd ad dy S to ck ett, th e b est s to ry te lle r o f a ll AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 August 1 962 M AE M OBLEY w as b orn o n a e arly S und ay m orn in g in A ugust, 1 960. A c hurc h b ab y w e lik e to c all it . T ak in g c are a w hit e b ab ie s, th at's w hat I d o, a lo ng w it h a ll th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. I d one r a is e d s e vente en k id s in m y lif e tim e. I k no w h o w to g et th em b ab ie s to s le ep , s to p c ry in g, a nd g o in th e to ile t b ow l b efo re th ey m am as e ven g et o ut a b ed in th e m orn in g.

B ut I a in 't n ever s e en a b ab y y ell lik e M ae M oble y L eefo lt . F ir s t d ay I w alk in th e d oor, th ere s h e b e, r e d -h o t a nd h o lle rin g w it h th e c o lic , fig htin g th at b ottle lik e it 's a r o tte n tu rn ip . M is s L eefo lt , s h e l o ok te rrif ie d a h er o w n c hild . " W hat a m I d oin g w ro ng? W hy c an't I s to p it ? " I t?

T hat w as m y fir s t h in t: s o m eth in g is w ro ng w it h th is s it u atio n.

S o I to ok th at p in k , s c re am in g b ab y in m y a rm s. B ounced h er o n m y h ip to g et th e g as m ovin g a nd it d id n't ta k e tw o m in ute s fo re B ab y G ir l s to pped h er c ry in g, g o t to s m ilin g u p a t m e lik e s h e d o. B ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't p ic k u p h er o w n b ab y fo r th e r e st a th e d ay. I s e en p le nty a w om ens g et th e b ab y b lu es a fte r th ey d one b ir th in g. I r e ck on I th o ught th at's w hat it w as.

H ere 's s o m eth in g a b out M is s L eefo lt : s h e n o t ju st fr o w nin g a ll th e tim e, s h e s k in ny. H er le gs is s o s p in d ly , s h e lo ok lik e s h e d one g ro w ed e m la st w eek . T w enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e la nk y a s a f o urte en-y ear- o ld b oy. E ven h er h air is th in , b ro w n, s e e-th ro ugh. S he tr y to te ase it u p , b ut it o nly m ak e it lo ok th in ner. H er fa ce b e th e s a m e s h ap e a s th at r e d d evil o n th e r e d ho t c and y b ox, p oin ty c hin a nd a ll. F act, h er w ho le b ody b e s o fu ll a s h arp k no bs a nd c o rn ers , it 's n o w ond er s h e c an't s o oth e th at b ab y. B ab ie s lik e fa t. L ik e to b ury th ey fa ce u p in y o u a rm pit a nd g o to s le ep . T hey lik e b ig fa t le gs to o. T hat I k no w .

B y th e tim e s h e a y ear o ld , M ae M oble y fo llo w in g m e a ro und e verw here I g o . F iv e o 'c lo ck w ould c o m e r o und a nd s h e'd b e h angin g o n m y D r. S cho ll s h o e, d ra ggin g o ver th e flo or, c ry in g lik e I w ere n't n ever c o m in g b ack . M is s L eefo lt , s h e'd n arro w u p h er e yes a t m e lik e I d one s o m eth in g w ro ng, u nhit c h th at c ry in g b ab y o ff m y fo ot. I r e ck on th at's th e r is k y o u r u n, le ttin g s o m eb ody e ls e r a is e y o u c hillu ns.

M ae M oble y tw o y ears o ld n o w . S he g o t b ig b ro w n e yes a nd h o ney-c o lo r c urls . B ut th e b ald s p ot i n th e b ack o f h er h air k in d a th ro w th in gs o ff. S he g et th e s a m e w rin k le b etw een h er e yeb ro w s w hen s h e w orrie d , lik e h er m am a. T hey k in d a fa vo r e xcep t M ae M oble y s o fa t. S he a in 't g o ne b e n o b eauty q ueen. I th in k it b oth er M is s L eefo lt , b ut M ae M oble y m y s p ecia l b ab y.

I L O ST M Y O W N B O Y, T re elo re , r ig ht b efo re I s ta rte d w ait in g o n M is s L eefo lt . H e w as tw enty - f o ur y ears o ld . T he b est p art o f a p ers o n's lif e . I t ju st w asn 't e no ugh tim e liv in g in th is w orld .

H e h ad h im a lit tle a p artm ent o ver o n F ole y S tr e et. S eein g a r e al n ic e g ir l n am e F ra nces a nd I s p ec th ey w as g o ne g et m arrie d , b ut h e w as s lo w b out th in gs lik e th at. N ot c ause h e lo okin g fo r so m eth in g b ette r, ju st c ause h e th e th in k in g k in d . W ore b ig g la sse s a nd r e ad in g a ll th e tim e. H e e ven sta rt w rit in g h is o w n b ook, b out b ein g a c o lo re d m an liv in g a nd w ork in g in M is sis sip pi. L aw , th at mad e m e p ro ud . B ut o ne n ig ht h e w ork in g la te a t th e S canlo n-T aylo r m ill, lu ggin g tw o-b y-fo urs to th e tr u ck , s p lin te rs s lic in g a ll th e w ay th ro ugh th e g lo ve. H e to o s m all fo r th at k in d a w ork , to o sk in ny, b ut h e n eed ed th e jo b. H e w as tir e d . I t w as r a in in g. H e s lip o ff th e lo ad in g d ock , fe ll d ow n on th e d riv e. T ra cto r tr a ile r d id n't s e e h im a nd c ru sh ed h is lu ngs fo re h e c o uld m ove. B y th e tim e I fo und o ut, h e w as d ead .

That w as th e d ay m y w ho le w orld w ent b la ck . A ir lo ok b la ck , s u n lo ok b la ck . I la id u p in b ed a nd sta re d a t th e b la ck w alls a m y h o use . M in ny c am e e ver d ay to m ak e s u re I w as s till b re ath in g, fe ed me fo od to k eep m e liv in g. T ook th re e m onth s fo re I e ven lo ok o ut th e w in d ow , s e e if th e w orld s till th ere . I w as s u rp ris e to s e e th e w orld d id n't s to p ju st c ause m y b oy d id .

Fiv e m onth s a fte r th e fu nera l, I lif te d m yse lf u p o ut a b ed . I p ut o n m y w hit e u nif o rm a nd p ut m y lit tle go ld c ro ss b ack a ro und m y n eck a nd I w ent to w ait o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st h ave h er b ab y gir l. B ut it w ere n't to o lo ng b efo re I s e en s o m eth in g in m e h ad c hanged . A b it te r s e ed w as p la nte d in sid e a m e. A nd I ju st d id n't fe el s o a ccep tin g a nym ore .

"G ET T H E H O USE s tr a ig hte ned u p a nd th en g o o n a nd fix s o m e o f th at c hic k en s a la d n o w ," s a y Mis s L eefo lt .

It's b rid ge c lu b d ay. E very fo urth W ed nesd ay a th e m onth . A c o urs e I a lr e ad y g o t e verth in g r e ad y to go --m ad e th e c hic k en s a la d th is m orn in g, ir o ned th e ta b le clo th s y este rd ay. M is s L eefo lt s e en m e a t it to o. S he a in 't b ut tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e lik e h earin g h ers e lf te ll m e w hat to d o.

She a lr e ad y g o t th e b lu e d re ss o n I ir o ned th is m orn in g, th e o ne w it h six ty -fiv e p le ats o n th e w ais t, so tin y I g o t to s q uin t th ro ugh m y g la sse s to ir o n. I d on't h ate m uch in lif e , b ut m e a nd th at d re ss is not o n g o od te rm s.

"A nd y o u m ak e s u re M ae M oble y's n o t c o m in g in o n u s, n o w . I te ll y o u, I a m s o b urn ed u p a t h er- - to re u p m y g o od s ta tio nery in to fiv e th o usa nd p ie ces a nd I 'v e g o t fif te en th ank -y o u n o te s fo r th e Ju nio r L eague to d o . . ." I a rra nge th e-th is a nd th e-th at fo r h er la d y fr ie nd s. S et o ut th e g o od c ry sta l, p ut th e s ilv er s e rv ic e out. M is s L eefo lt d on't p ut u p n o d in k y c ard ta b le lik e th e o th er la d ie s d o. W e s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . P ut a c lo th o n to p to c o ver th e b ig L -sh ap ed c ra ck , m ove th at r e d flo w er c ente rp ie ce to th e sid eb oard to h id e w here th e w ood a ll s c ra tc hed . M is s L eefo lt , s h e lik e it fa ncy w hen s h e d o a lu ncheo n. M ayb e s h e tr y in g to m ak e u p fo r h er h o use b ein g s m all. T hey a in 't r ic h fo lk , th at I k no w .

Ric h fo lk d on't tr y s o h ard .

I'm u se d to w ork in g fo r y o ung c o up le s, b ut I s p ec th is is th e s m alle st h o use I e ver w ork ed in . I t's ju st th e o ne s to ry . H er a nd M is te r L eefo lt 's r o om in th e b ack b e a fa ir s iz e , b ut B ab y G ir l's r o om b e tin y. T he d in in g r o om a nd th e r e gula r liv in g r o om k in d a jo in u p . O nly tw o b ath ro om s, w hic h is a re lie f c ause I w ork ed in h o use s w here th ey w as fiv e o r s ix . T ak e a w ho le d ay ju st to c le an to ile ts .

Mis s L eefo lt d on't p ay b ut n in ety -fiv e c ents a n h o ur, le ss th an I b een p aid in y ears . B ut a fte r T re elo re die d , I to ok w hat I c o uld . L and lo rd w asn 't g o ne w ait m uch lo nger. A nd e ven th o ugh it 's s m all, M is s Leefo lt d one th e h o use u p n ic e a s s h e c an. S he p re tty g o od w it h th e s e w in g m achin e. A nyth in g s h e can't b uy n ew o f, s h e ju st g et h er s o m e b lu e m ate ria l a nd s e w it a c o ver.

The d oorb ell r in g a nd I o pen it u p .

"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, c ause s h e th e k in d th at s p eak to th e h elp . " H ow y o u?" "H ey, M is s S keete r. I 'm a lr ig ht. L aw , it 's h o t o ut th ere ." Mis s S keete r r e al ta ll a nd s k in ny. H er h air b e y ello w a nd c ut s h o rt a b ove h er s h o uld ers c ause s h e get th e fr iz z y ear r o und . S he tw enty -th re e o r s o , s a m e a s M is s L eefo lt a nd th e r e st o f e m . S he s e t her p ock etb ook o n th e c hair , k in d a it c h a ro und in h er c lo th es a s e co nd . S he w earin g a w hit e la ce blo use b utto ned u p lik e a n un, fla t s h o es s o I r e ck on s h e d on't lo ok a ny ta lle r. H er b lu e s k ir t g ap s open in th e w ais t. M is s S keete r a lw ays lo ok lik e s o m eb ody e ls e to ld h er w hat to w ear.

I h ear M is s H illy a nd h er m am a, M is s W alt e r, p ull u p th e d riv ew ay a nd to ot th e h o rn . M is s H illy don't liv e b ut te n fe et a w ay, b ut s h e a lw ays d riv e o ver. I le t h er in a nd s h e g o r ig ht p ast m e a nd I fig ure it 's a g o od tim e to g et M ae M oble y u p fr o m h er n ap .

Soon a s I w alk in h er n urs e ry , M ae M oble y s m ile a t m e, r e ach o ut h er fa t lit tle a rm s.

"Y ou a lr e ad y u p , B ab y G ir l? W hy y o u d id n't h o lle r fo r m e?" She la ugh, d ance a lit tle h ap py jig w ait in g o n m e to g et h er o ut. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug. I r e ck on s h e don't g et to o m any g o od h ugs lik e th is a fte r I g o h o m e. E ver s o o fte n, I c o m e to w ork a nd fin d h er baw lin g in h er c rib , M is s L eefo lt b usy o n th e s e w in g m achin e r o llin g h er e yes lik e it 's a s tr a y c at stu ck in th e s c re en d oor. S ee, M is s L eefo lt , s h e d re ss u p n ic e e ver d ay. A lw ays g o t h er m ak eup o n, go t a c arp ort, d oub le -d oor F rig id air e w it h th e b uilt - in ic eb ox. Y ou s e e h er in th e J it n ey 1 4 g ro cery , yo u n ever th in k s h e g o a nd le ave h er b ab y c ry in g in h er c rib lik e th at. B ut th e h elp a lw ays k no w .

Today is a g o od d ay th o ugh. T hat g ir l ju st g rin s.

I s a y, " A ib ile en." She s a y, " A ib -e e." I s a y, " L ove." She s a y, " L ove." I s a y, " M ae M oble y." She s a y, " A ib -e e." A nd th en s h e la ugh a nd la ugh. S he s o tic k le d s h e ta lk in g a nd I g o t to s a y, it 's ab out tim e. T re elo re d id n't s a y n o th in g till h e tw o e it h er. B y th e tim e h e in th ir d g ra d e, th o ugh, h e g et to ta lk in g b ette r th an th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s, c o m in g h o m e u sin g w ord s lik e co nju gatio n and parlia m en ta ry . H e g et in ju nio r h ig h a nd w e p la y th is g am e w here I g iv e h im a r e al s im ple w ord and h e g o t to c o m e u p w it h a fa ncy o ne lik e it . I s a y house ca t , h e s a y dom estic iz e d f e lin e , I s a y mix er a nd h e s a y moto riz e d r o tu nda.

O ne d ay I s a y Cris c o .

H e s c ra tc h h is h ead . H e ju st c an't belie ve I d one w on th e g am e w it h s o m eth in g s im ple a s Cris c o . C am e to b e a s e cre t jo ke w it h u s, meanin g s o m eth in g y o u c an't d re ss u p n o m atte r h o w y o u tr y . W e s ta rt c allin g h is d ad dy Cris c o cause y o u c an't fa ncy u p a m an d one r u n o ff o n h is fa m ily . P lu s h e th e g re asie st n o -c o unt y o u e ver kno w n.

I to te M ae M oble y in to th e k it c hen a nd p ut h er in h er h ig h c hair , th in k in g a b out tw o c ho re s I n eed to fin is h to day fo re M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit : s e p ara te th e n ap kin s th at s ta rte d to fr a y a nd s tr a ig hte n u p th e s ilv er s e rv ic e in th e c ab in et. L aw , I 'm o n h ave to d o it w hile th e la d ie s is h ere , I g uess.

I ta k e th e tr a y a d evil e ggs o ut to th e d in in g r o om . M is s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e h ead a nd to h er le ft b e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok a nd M is s H illy 's m am a, M is s W alt e r, w ho M is s H illy d on't tr e at w it h n o re sp ect. A nd th en o n M is s L eefo lt 's r ig ht b e M is s S keete r.

I m ak e th e e gg r o und s, s ta rtin g w it h o le M is s W alt e r fir s t c ause s h e th e e ld er. I t's w arm in h ere , b ut sh e g o t a th ic k b ro w n s w eate r d ro oped a ro und h er s h o uld ers . S he s c o op a e gg u p a nd n ear b out dro p it c ause s h e g ettin g th e p als y. T hen I m ove o ver to M is s H illy a nd s h e s m ile a nd ta k e tw o. M is s Hilly g o t a r o und fa ce a nd d ark b ro w n h air in th e b eehiv e. H er s k in b e o liv e c o lo r, w it h fr e ck le s a nd mole s. S he w ear a lo t a r e d p la id . A nd s h e g ettin g h eavy in th e b otto m . T oday, s in ce it 's s o h o t, s h e wearin g a r e d s le evele ss d re ss w it h n o w ais t to it . S he o ne a th o se g ro w n la d ie s th at s till d re ss lik e a lit tle g ir l w it h b ig b ow s a nd m atc hin g h ats a nd s u ch. S he a in 't m y fa vo rit e .

I m ove o ver to M is s S keete r, b ut s h e w rin k le h er n o se u p a t m e a nd s a y, " N o, th ank s," c ause s h e don't e at n o e ggs. I te ll M is s L eefo lt e ver tim e s h e h ave th e b rid ge c lu b a nd s h e m ak e m e d o th em eggs a nyw ays. S he s c are d M is s H illy b e d is a p poin te d .

Fin ally , I d o M is s L eefo lt . S he th e h o ste ss s o s h e g o t to p ic k u p h er e ggs la st. A nd s o on a s I 'm done, M is s H illy s a y, " D on't m in d if I d o," a nd s n atc h h ers e lf tw o m ore e ggs, w hic h d on't s u rp ris e me.

"G uess w ho I r a n in to a t th e b eauty p arlo r? " M is s H illy s a y to th e la d ie s.

"W ho 's th at? " a sk M is s L eefo lt .

"C elia F oote . A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e a sk ed m e? I f s h e c o uld h elp w it h th e B enefit th is y ear." "G ood," M is s S keete r s a y. " W e n eed it ." "N ot th at b ad , w e d on't . I to ld h er, I s a id , 'C elia , y o u h ave to b e a L eague m em ber o r a s u sta in er to partic ip ate .' W hat d oes s h e th in k th e J a ck so n L eague is ? O pen r u sh ?" "A re n't w e ta k in g n o nm em bers th is y ear? S in ce th e B enefit 's g o tte n s o b ig ?" M is s S keete r a sk .

"W ell, y es," M is s H illy s a y. " B ut I w asn 't a b out to te ll her th at." "I c an't b elie ve J o hnny m arrie d a g ir l s o ta ck y lik e s h e is ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd M is s H illy n o d. S he sta rt d ealin g o ut th e b rid ge c ard s. I s p oon o ut th e c o ngeale d s a la d a nd th e h am s a nd w ic hes, c an't h elp b ut lis te n to th e c hatte r. O nly th re e th in gs th em la d ie s ta lk a b out: th ey k id s, th ey c lo th es, a nd th ey fr ie nd s. I h ear th e w ord Ken ned y , I k no w th ey a in 't d is c ussin g n o p olit ic . T hey ta lk in g a b out w hat M is s J a ck ie d one w ore o n th e te e-v ee.

When I g et a ro und to M is s W alt e r, s h e d on't ta k e b ut o ne lit tle o ld h alf a s a nd w ic h fo r h ers e lf .

"M am a," M is s H illy y ell a t M is s W alt e r, " T ak e a no th er s a nd w ic h. Y ou a re s k in ny a s a te le p ho ne pole ." M is s H illy lo ok o ver a t th e r e st a th e ta b le . " I k eep te llin g h er, if th at M in ny c an't c o ok s h e need s to ju st g o o n a nd fir e h er." My e ars p erk u p a t th is . T hey ta lk in g b out th e h elp . I 'm b est fr ie nd s w it h M in ny.

"M in ny c o oks fin e," s a y o le M is s W alt e r. " I'm ju st n o t s o h ungry lik e I u se d to b e." Min ny n ear b out th e b est c o ok in H in d s C ounty , m ayb e e ven a ll a M is sis sip pi. T he J u nio r L eague Benefit c o m e a ro und e ver fa ll a nd th ey b e w antin g h er to m ak e te n c ara m el c ak es to a uctio n o ff. S he ought a b e th e m ost s o ught- a fte r h elp in th e s ta te . P ro ble m is , M in ny g o t a m outh o n h er. S he a lw ays ta lk in g b ack . O ne d ay it b e th e w hit e m anager a th e J it n ey J u ngle g ro cery , n ext d ay it b e h er husb and , a nd e ver d ay it 's g o ne b e th e w hit e la d y s h e w ait in g o n. T he o nly r e aso n s h e w ait in g o n Mis s W alt e r s o lo ng is M is s W alt e r b e d eaf a s a d oe-n o b.

"I th in k y o u'r e m aln utr it io ned , M am a," h o lle r M is s H illy . " T hat M in ny is n 't fe ed in g y o u s o th at s h e can s te al e very la st h eir lo om I h ave le ft." M is s H illy h uff o ut a h er c hair . " I'm g o in g to th e p ow der ro om . Y 'a ll w atc h h er in c ase s h e c o lla p se s d ead o f h unger." When M is s H illy g o ne, M is s W alt e r s a y r e al lo w , " I b et y o u'd lo ve th at." E verb ody a ct lik e th ey did n't h ear. I b ette r c all M in ny to nig ht, te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .

In th e k it c hen, B ab y G ir l's u p in h er h ig h c hair , g o t p urp le ju ic e a ll o ver h er fa ce. S oon a s I w alk in , sh e s m ile . S he d on't m ak e n o fu ss b ein g in h ere b y h ers e lf , b ut I h ate to le ave h er to o lo ng. I k no w sh e s ta re a t th at d oor r e al q uie t till I c o m e b ack .

I p at h er lit tle s o ft h ead a nd g o b ack o ut to p our th e ic e te a. M is s H illy 's b ack in h er c hair lo okin g a ll bow ed u p a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w .

"O h H illy , I w is h y o u'd u se th e g uest b ath ro om ," s a y M is s L eefo lt , r e arra ngin g h er c ard s. " A ib ile en doesn 't c le an in th e b ack u ntil a fte r lu nch." Hilly r a is e h er c hin u p . T hen s h e g iv e o ne a h er " a h-h em 's ." S he g o t th is w ay a c le arin g h er th ro at re al d elic ate -lik e th at g et e verb ody's a tte ntio n w it h o ut th ey e ven k no w in g s h e m ad e e m d o it .

"B ut th e g uest b ath ro om 's w here th e h elp g o es," M is s H illy s a y.

Nobody s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd . T hen M is s W alt e r n o d, lik e s h e e xp la in in g it a ll. " S he's u p se t cause th e N ig ra u se s th e in sid e b ath ro om a nd s o d o w e." Law , n o t th is m ess a gain . T hey a ll lo ok o ver a t m e s tr a ig hte nin g th e s ilv er d ra w er in th e s id eb oard and I k no w it 's tim e fo r m e to le ave. B ut b efo re I c an g et th e la st s p oon in th ere , M is s L eefo lt g iv e me th e lo ok, s a y, " G o g et s o m e m ore te a, A ib ile en." I g o lik e s h e te ll m e to , e ven th o ugh th ey c up s is fu ll to th e r im .

I s ta nd a ro und th e k it c hen a m in ute b ut I a in 't g o t n o th in g le ft to d o in th ere . I n eed to b e in th e d in in g ro om s o I c an fin is h m y s ilv er s tr a ig hte nin g. A nd I s till g o t th e n ap kin c ab in et to s o rt th ro ugh to day but it 's in th e h all, r ig ht o uts id e w here th ey s e ttin g. I d on't w ant a s ta y la te ju st c ause M is s L eefo lt pla yin g c ard s.

I w ait a fe w m in ute s, w ip e a c o unte r. G iv e B ab y G ir l m ore h am a nd s h e g o bble it u p . F in ally , I s lip out to th e h all, p ra y n o body s e e m e.

All fo ur o f e m g o t a c ig are tte in o ne h and , th ey c ard s in th e o th er. " E liz a b eth , if y o u h ad th e c ho ic e," I hear M is s H illy s a y, " w ould n't y o u r a th er th em ta k e th eir b usin ess o uts id e?" Real q uie t, I o pen th e n ap kin d ra w er, m ore c o ncern ed a b out M is s L eefo lt s e ein g m e th an w hat th ey sa yin g. T his ta lk a in 't n ew s to m e. E verw here in to w n th ey g o t a c o lo re d b ath ro om , a nd m ost th e ho use s d o to o. B ut I lo ok o ver a nd M is s S keete r's w atc hin g m e a nd I fr e eze , th in k in g I 'm a b out to get in tr o ub le .

"I b id o ne h eart," M is s W alt e r s a y.

"I d on't k no w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, fr o w nin g a t h er c ard s, " W it h R ale ig h s ta rtin g h is o w n b usin ess a nd ta x s e aso n n o t fo r s ix m onth s . . . th in gs a re r e al tig ht fo r u s r ig ht n o w ." Mis s H illy ta lk s lo w , lik e s h e s p re ad in g ic in g o n a c ak e. " Y ou ju st te ll R ale ig h e very p enny h e s p end s on th at b ath ro om h e'll g et b ack w hen y 'a ll s e ll th is h o use ." S he n o d lik e s h e a gre ein g w it h h ers e lf .

"A ll th ese h o use s th ey'r e b uild in g w it h o ut m aid 's q uarte rs ? I t's ju st p la in d angero us. E very b ody kno w s th ey c arry d if fe re nt k in d s o f d is e ase s th an w e d o. I d oub le ." I p ic k u p a s ta ck a n ap kin s. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut a ll a s u d den I w ant a h ear w hat M is s L eefo lt go ne s a y to th is . S he m y b oss. I g uess e verb ody w ond er w hat th ey b oss th in k a th em .

"It w ould b e n ic e," M is s L eefo lt s a y, ta k in g a lit tle p uff a h er c ig are tte , " n o t h avin g h er u se th e o ne in th e h o use . I b id th re e s p ad es." "T hat's e xactly w hy I 'v e d esig ned th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e," M is s H illy s a y. " A s a dis e ase -p re venta tiv e m easu re ." I'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w tig ht m y th ro at g et. I t's a s h am e I le arn ed to k eep d ow n a lo ng tim e a go .

Mis s S keete r lo ok r e al c o nfu se d . " T he H om e... th e w hat? " "A b ill th at r e q uir e s e very w hit e h o m e to h ave a s e p ara te b ath ro om fo r th e c o lo re d h elp . I 'v e e ven no tif ie d th e s u rg eo n g enera l o f M is sis sip pi to s e e if h e'll e nd ors e th e id ea. I p ass." Mis s S keete r, s h e fr o w nin g a t M is s H illy . S he s e t h er c ard s d ow n fa ceup a nd s a y r e al m atte r- a -fa ct, "M ayb e w e o ught to ju st b uild y o u a b ath ro om o uts id e, H illy ." And L aw , d o th at r o om g et q uie t.

Mis s H illy s a y, " I d on't th in k y o u o ught to b e jo kin g a ro und a b out th e c o lo re d s it u atio n. N ot if y o u want to s ta y o n a s e d it o r o f th e L eague, S keete r P hela n." Mis s S keete r k in d a la ugh, b ut I c an te ll s h e d on't th in k it 's fu nny. " W hat, y o u'd . . . k ic k m e o ut?

For d is a gre ein g w it h y o u?" Mis s H illy r a is e a e yeb ro w . " I w ill d o w hate ver I h ave to d o to p ro te ct o ur to w n. Y our le ad , M am a." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd d on't c o m e o ut a gain till I h ear th e d oor c lo se a fte r M is s H illy 's b ehin d .

WHEN I K NOW M is s H IL LY G O NE, I p ut M ae M oble y in h er p la yp en, d ra g th e g arb age b in o ut to th e s tr e et c ause th e tr u ck 's c o m in g b y to day. A t th e to p a th e d riv ew ay, M is s H illy a nd h er c ra zy mam a n ear b out b ack o ver m e in th ey c ar, th en y ell o ut a ll fr ie nd ly h o w s o rry th ey is . I w alk in th e ho use , g la d I a in 't g o t tw o n ew b ro ken le gs.

When I g o in th e k it c hen, M is s S keete r's in th ere . S he le anin g a gain st th e c o unte r, g o t a s e rio us lo ok on h er fa ce, e ven m ore s e rio us th an u su al. " H ey, M is s S keete r. I g et y o u s o m eth in g?" She g la nce o ut a t th e d riv e w here M is s L eefo lt 's ta lk in g to M is s H illy th ro ugh h er c ar w in d ow . " N o, I'm ju st . . . w ait in g." I d ry a tr a y w it h a to w el. W hen I s n eak a lo ok o ver, s h e's s till g o t h er w orrie d e yes o n th at w in d ow .

She d on't lo ok lik e o th er la d ie s, b ein g s h e s o ta ll. S he g o t r e al h ig h c heek bones. B lu e e yes th at tu rn dow n, g iv in g h er a s h y w ay a b out h er. I t's q uie t, e xcep t fo r th e lit tle r a d io o n th e c o unte r, p la yin g th e go sp el s ta tio n. I w is h s h e'd g o o n o ut a h ere .

"Is th at P re acher G re en's s e rm on y o u'r e p la yin g o n th e r a d io ?" s h e a sk .

"Y es m a'a m , it is ." Mis s S keete r k in d a s m ile . " T hat r e m in d s m e s o m uch o f m y m aid g ro w in g u p ." "O h I k new C onsta ntin e," I s a y.

Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes fr o m th e w in d ow to m e. " S he r a is e d m e, d id y o u k no w th at? " I n o d, w is h in g I h ad n't s a id n o th in g. I k no w to o m uch a b out th at s it u atio n.

"I'v e b een tr y in g to g et a n a d dre ss fo r h er fa m ily in C hic ago ," s h e s a y, " b ut n o body c an te ll m e anyth in g." "I d on't h ave it e it h er, m a'a m ." Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes b ack to th e w in d ow , o n M is s H illy 's B uic k . S he s h ak e h er h ead , ju st a lit tle . " A ib ile en, th at ta lk in th ere . . . H illy 's ta lk , I m ean . . ." I p ic k u p a c o ffe e c up , s ta rt d ry in g it r e al g o od w it h m y c lo th .

"D o y o u e ver w is h y o u c o uld ... c hange th in gs? " s h e a sk s.

And I c an't h elp m yse lf . I lo ok a t h er h ead o n. C ause th at's o ne a th e s tu p id est q uestio ns I e ver heard . S he g o t a c o nfu se d , d is g uste d lo ok o n h er fa ce, lik e s h e d one s a lt e d h er c o ffe e in ste ad a su gare d it .

I tu rn b ack to m y w ash in g, s o s h e d on't s e e m e r o llin g m y e yes. " O h n o , m a'a m , e verth in g's fin e." "B ut th at ta lk in th ere , a b out th e bath ro om --" a nd s m ack o n th at w ord , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e kit c hen.

"O h, th ere y o u a re , S keete r." S he lo ok a t u s b oth k in d a fu nny. " I'm s o rry , d id I . . . in te rru p t so m eth in g?" W e b oth s ta nd th ere , w ond erin g w hat s h e m ig ht a h eard .

"I h ave to r u n," M is s S keete r s a ys. " S ee y o u to m orro w , E liz a b eth ." S he o pen th e b ack d oor, s a y, "T hank s, A ib ile en, fo r lu nch," a nd s h e g o ne.

I g o in th e d in in g r o om , s ta rt c le arin g th e b rid ge ta b le . A nd ju st lik e I k new s h e w ould , M is s L eefo lt co m e in b ehin d m e w earin g h er u p se t s m ile . H er n eck 's s tic k in g o ut lik e s h e fix in g to a sk m e so m eth in g. S he d on't lik e m e ta lk in g to h er fr ie nd s w hen s h e a in 't a ro und , n ever h as. A lw ays w antin g to k no w w hat w e s a yin g. I g o r ig ht o n p ast h er in to th e k it c hen. I p ut B ab y G ir l in h er h ig h c hair a nd sta rt c le anin g th e o ven.

Mis s L eefo lt fo llo w m e in th ere , e yeb all a b uck et a C ris c o , p ut it d ow n. B ab y G ir l h o ld h er a rm s o ut fo r h er m am a to p ic k h er u p , b ut M is s L eefo lt o pen a c ab in et, a ct lik e s h e d on't s e e. T hen s h e s la m it c lo se , o pen a no th er o ne. F in ally s h e ju st s ta nd th ere . I 'm d ow n o n m y h and s a nd k nees. P re tty so on m y h ead 's s o fa r in th at o ven I lo ok lik e I 'm tr y in g to g as m yse lf .

"Y ou a nd M is s S keete r lo oked lik e y o u w ere ta lk in g a w fu l s e rio us a b out s o m eth in g." "N o m a'a m , s h e ju st... a sk in g d o I w ant s o m e o ld c lo th es," I s a y a nd it s o und lik e I 'm d ow n in a well- h o le . G re ase a lr e ad y w ork in g it s e lf u p m y a rm s. S m ell lik e a u nd era rm in h ere . D on't ta k e n o tim e fo re s w eat's r u nnin g d ow n m y n o se a nd e ver tim e I s c ra tc h a t it , I g et a p lu g a c ru d o n m y fa ce.

Got to b e th e w ors t p la ce in th e w orld , in sid e a o ven. Y ou in h ere , y o u e it h er c le anin g o r y o u g ettin g co oked . T onig ht I ju st k no w I 'm o n h ave th at d re am I 'm s tu ck in sid e a nd th e g as g ets tu rn ed o n. B ut I k eep m y h ead in th at a w fu l p la ce c ause I 'd r a th er b e a nyw here s id es a nsw erin g M is s L eefo lt 's questio ns a b out w hat M is s S keete r w as tr y in g to s a y to m e. A sk in g d o I w ant to ch ange th in gs.

Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt h uff a nd g o o ut to th e c arp ort. I fig ure s h e lo okin g a t w here s h e g o ne b uild me m y n ew c o lo re d b ath ro om .

ch ap te r 2 Y O U'D N EV ER K NOW I T liv in g h ere , b ut J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, b e fille d w it h tw o h und re d t h o usa nd p eo ple s. I s e e th em n um bers in th e p ap er a nd I g o t to w ond er, w here d o th em p eo ple s l iv e? U nd erg ro und ? C ause I k no w ju st a b out e verb ody o n m y s id e a th e b rid ge a nd p le nty a w hit e f a m ilie s to o, a nd th at s u re d on't a d d u p to b e n o tw o h und re d th o usa nd .

S ix d ays a w eek , I ta k e th e b us a cro ss th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge to w here M is s L eefo lt a nd a ll h er w hit e fr ie nd s liv e, in a n eig hb orh o od c all B elh aven. R ig ht n ext to B elh aven b e th e d ow nto w n a nd t h e s ta te c ap it a l. C ap it o l b uild in g is r e al b ig , p re tty o n th e o uts id e b ut I n ever b een in it . I w ond er w hat th ey p ay to c le an th at p la ce.

D ow n th e r o ad fr o m B elh aven is w hit e W oodla nd H ills , th en S herw ood F ore st, w hic h is m ile s a b ig l iv e o ak s w it h th e m oss h angin g d ow n. N obody liv in g in it y et, b ut it 's th ere fo r w hen th e w hit e fo lk s i s r e ad y to m ove s o m ew here e ls e n ew . T hen it 's th e c o untr y , o ut w here M is s S keete r liv e o n th e L ongle af c o tto n p la nta tio n. S he d on't k no w it , b ut I p ic k ed c o tto n o ut th ere in 1 931, d urin g th e D ep re ssio n, w hen w e d id n't h ave n o th in g to e at b ut s ta te c heese .

S o J a ck so n's ju st o ne w hit e n eig hb orh o od a fte r th e n ext a nd m ore s p rin gin g u p d ow n th e r o ad . B ut t h e c o lo re d p art a to w n, w e o ne b ig a nth ill, s u rro und ed b y s ta te la nd th at a in 't fo r s a le . A s o ur n um bers g et b ig ger, w e c an't s p re ad o ut. O ur p art a to w n ju st g ets th ic k er.

I g et o n th e n um ber s ix b us th at a fte rn o on, w hic h g o es fr o m B elh aven to F aris h S tr e et. T he b us t o day is n o th in g b ut m aid s h ead in g h o m e in o ur w hit e u nif o rm s. W e a ll c hattin g a nd s m ilin g a t e ach o th er lik e w e o w n it - -n o t c ause w e m in d if th ey's w hit e p eo ple o n h ere , w e s it a nyw here w e w ant to n o w th ank s to M is s P ark s--ju st c ause it 's a fr ie nd ly fe elin g.

I s p ot M in ny in th e b ack c ente r s e at. M in ny s h o rt a nd b ig , g o t s h in y b la ck c urls . S he s e ttin g w it h h er l e gs s p la yed , h er th ic k a rm s c ro sse d . S he s e vente en y ears y o unger th an I a m . M in ny c o uld p ro bab ly l if t th is b us u p o ver h er h ead if s h e w ante d to . O ld la d y lik e m e's lu ck y to h ave h er a s a fr ie nd .

I ta k e th e s e at in fr o nt a h er, tu rn a ro und a nd lis te n. E verb ody lik e to lis te n to M in ny.

" . . . s o I s a id , M is s W alt e rs , th e w orld d on't w ant a s e e y o ur n ak ed w hit e b ehin d a ny m ore th an t h ey w ant a s e e m y b la ck o ne. N ow , g et in th is h o use a nd p ut y o ur u nd erp ants a nd s o m e c lo th es o n." " O n th e fr o nt p orc h? N ak ed ?" K ik i B ro w n a sk .

" H er b ehin d h angin g to h er k nees." T he b us is la ughin g a nd c huck lin g a nd s h ak in g th ey h ead s.

" L aw , th at w om an c ra zy," K ik i s a y. " I d on't k no w h o w y o u a lw ays s e em to g et th e c ra zy o nes, M in ny." " O h, lik e y o ur M is s P atte rs o n a in 't ? " M in ny s a y to K ik i. " S ho ot, s h e c all th e r o ll a th e c ra zy la d y c lu b ." T he w ho le b us b e la ughin g n o w c ause M in ny d on't lik e n o body ta lk in g b ad a b out h er w hit e l a d y e xcep t h ers e lf . T hat's h er jo b a nd s h e o w n th e r ig hts . The b us c ro ss th e b rid ge a nd m ak e th e fir s t s to p in th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od. A d oze n o r s o m aid s get o ff. I g o s e t in th e o pen s e at n ext to M in ny. S he s m ile , b um p m e h ello w it h h er e lb ow . T hen s h e re la x b ack in h er s e at c ause s h e d on't h ave to p ut o n n o s h o w fo r m e.

"H ow y o u d oin g? Y ou h ave to ir o n p le ats th is m orn in g?" I la ugh, n o d m y h ead . " T ook m e a h o ur a nd a h alf ." "W hat y o u fe ed M is s W alt e rs a t b rid ge c lu b to day? I w ork ed a ll m orn in g m ak in g th at fo ol a c ara m el cak e a nd th en s h e w ould n't e at a c ru m b." That m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat M is s H illy s a y a t th e ta b le to day. A ny o th er w hit e la d y a nd n o o ne would c are , b ut w e'd a ll w ant a k no w if M is s H illy a fte r u s. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to p ut it .

I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l g o b y, th e fr u it s ta nd . " I th in k I h eard M is s H illy s a y so m eth in g a b out th at, b out h er m am a g ettin g s k in ny." I s a y th is c are fu l a s I c an. " S ay m ayb e s h e gettin g m al- n utr it io us." Min ny lo ok a t m e. " S he d id , d id s h e?" J u st th e n am e m ak e h er e yes n arro w . " W hat e ls e M is s H illy sa y?" I b ette r ju st g o o n a nd s a y it . " I th in k s h e g o t h er e ye o n y o u, M in ny. J u st . . . b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und her." "M is s H illy o ught to b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und me.

W hat s h e s a y, I c an't c o ok? S he s a y th at o ld b ag a bones a in 't e atin g c ause I c an't fe ed h er? " M in ny s ta nd u p , th ro w h er p urs e u p o n h er a rm .

"I'm s o rry , M in ny, I o nly to ld y o u s o y o u s ta y o ut a h er- -" "S he e ver s a y th at to m e, s h e g o ne g et a p ie ce a M in ny fo r lu nch." S he h uff d ow n th e s te p s.

I w atc h h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow , s to m pin g o ff to w ard h er h o use . M is s H illy a in 't s o m eb ody to m ess wit h . L aw , m ayb e I s h o uld a ju st k ep t it to m yse lf .

A C O UPLE M ORN IN GS L ATER , I g et o ff th e b us, w alk th e b lo ck to M is s L eefo lt 's h o use .

Park ed in fr o nt is a o ld lu m ber tr u ck . T hey's tw o c o lo re d m ens in sid e, o ne d rin k in g a c up a c o ffe e, th e o th er a sle ep s e ttin g s tr a ig ht u p . I g o o n p ast, in to th e k it c hen.

Mis te r R ale ig h L eefo lt s till a t h o m e th is m orn in g, w hic h is r a re . W henever h e h ere , h e lo ok lik e h e ju st c o untin g th e m in ute s till h e g et to g o b ack to h is a cco untin g jo b. E ven o n S atu rd ay. B ut to day h e carry in g o n b out s o m eth in g.

"T his is m y d am n h o use a nd I p ay fo r w hat g o ddam n g o es in it ! " M is te r L eefo lt y ell. Mis s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep u p b ehin d h im w it h th at s m ile th at m ean s h e a in 't h ap py. I h id e o ut in th e wash ro om . I t's b een tw o d ays s in ce th e b ath ro om ta lk c o m e u p a nd I w as h o pin g it w as o ver.

Mis te r L eefo lt o pens th e b ack d oor to lo ok a t th e tr u ck s e ttin g th ere , s la m it b ack c lo se a gain .

"I p ut u p w it h th e n ew c lo th es, a ll th e d am n tr ip s to N ew O rle ans w it h y o ur s o ro rit y s is te rs , b ut th is ta k es th e g o ddam n c ak e." "B ut it 'll in cre ase th e v alu e o f th e h o use . H illy s a id s o !" I 'm s till in th e w ash ro om , b ut I c an a lm ost hear M is s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep th at s m ile o n h er fa ce.

"W e c an't a ffo rd it ! A nd w e d o n o t ta k e o rd ers fr o m th e H olb ro oks!" Everth in g g et r e al q uie t fo r a m in ute . T hen I h ear th e pap-p ap a lit tle fe etu m p aja m as.

"D a-d ee?" I c o m e o ut th e w ash ro om a nd in to th e k it c hen th en c ause M ae M oble y's m y b usin ess.

Mis te r L eefo lt a lr e ad y k neelin g d ow n to h er. H e's w earin g a s m ile lo ok lik e it 's m ad e o ut a r u b ber.

"G uess w hat, h o ney?" She s m ile b ack . S he w ait in g fo r a g o od s u rp ris e .

"Y ou'r e n o t g o in g to c o lle ge s o y o ur m am a's fr ie nd s d on't h ave to u se th e s a m e b ath ro om a s th e maid ." He s to m p o ff a nd s la m th e d oor s o h ard it m ak e B ab y G ir l b lin k .

Mis s L eefo lt lo ok d ow n a t h er, s ta rt s h ak in g h er fin ger. " M ae M oble y, y o u k no w y o u'r e n o t su p pose d to c lim b u p o ut o f y o ur c rib !" Bab y G ir l, s h e lo okin g a t th e d oor h er d ad dy s la m med , s h e lo okin g a t h er m am a fr o w nin g d ow n a t her. M y b ab y, s h e s w allo w in g it b ack , lik e s h e tr y in g r e al h ard n o t to c ry .

I r u sh p ast M is s L eefo lt , p ic k B ab y G ir l u p . I w his p er, " L et's g o o n in th e liv in g r o om a nd p la y w it h th e ta lk in g to y. W hat th at d onk ey s a y?" "S he k eep s g ettin g u p . I p ut h er b ack in b ed th re e tim es th is m orn in g." "C ause s o m eb ody n eed s c hangin g. W ho ooow eeee." Mis s L eefo lt tis k , s a y, " W ell I d id n't r e aliz e . . ." b ut s h e a lr e ad y s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th e lu m ber tr u ck .

I g o o n to th e b ack , s o m ad I 'm s to m pin g. B ab y G ir l b een in th at b ed s in ce e ig ht o 'c lo ck la st n ig ht, a co urs e s h e n eed c hangin g! M is s L eefo lt tr y to s it in tw elv e h o urs w orth a b ath ro om m ess w it h o ut gettin g u p !

I la y B ab y G ir l o n th e c hangin g ta b le , tr y to k eep m y m ad in sid e. B ab y G ir l s ta re u p a t m e w hile I ta k e o ff h er d ia p er. T hen s h e r e ach o ut h er lit tle h and . S he to uch m y m outh r e al s o ft.

"M ae M o b een b ad ," s h e s a y.

"N o, b ab y, y o u a in 't b een b ad ," I s a y, s m ooth in g h er h air b ack . " Y ou b een g o od. R eal g o od." I L IV E O n G ESSU M A V EN UE, w here I b een r e ntin g s in ce 1 942. Y ou c o uld s a y G essu m g o t a lo t a p ers o nalit y . T he h o use s a ll b e s m all, b ut e very fr o nt y ard 's d if fe re nt- -so m e s c ru b by a nd g ra ssle ss lik e a b ald -h ead ed o ld m an. O th ers g o t a za le a b ush es a nd r o se s a nd th ic k g re en g ra ss. M y y ard , I re ck on it b e s o m ew here in b etw een.

I g o t a fe w r e d c am ellia b ush es o ut fr o nt a th e h o use . M y g ra ss b e k in d a s p otty a nd I s till g o t a b ig yello w m ark w here T re elo re 's p ic k up s a t fo r th re e m onth s a fte r th e a ccid ent. I a in 't g o t n o tr e es. B ut th e b ack yard , n o w it lo oks lik e th e G ard en o f E den. T hat's w here m y n ext- d oor n eig hb or, I d a P eek , go t h er v egeta b le p atc h.

Id a a in 't g o t n o b ack yard to s p eak o f w hat w it h a ll h er h usb and 's ju nk --c ar e ngin es a nd o ld re fr ig era to rs a nd tir e s. S tu ff h e s a y h e g o ne fix b ut n ever d o. S o I te ll I d a s h e c o m e p la nt o n m y s id e.

That w ay I d on't h ave n o m ow in g to te nd to a nd s h e le t m e p ic k w hate ver I n eed , s a ve m e tw o o r th re e d olla rs e ver w eek . S he p ut u p w hat w e d on't e at, g iv e m e ja rs fo r th e w in te r s e aso n. G ood tu rn ip g re ens, e ggp la nt, o kra b y th e b ush el, a ll k in d a g o urd s. I d on't k no w h o w s h e k eep th em b ugs out a h er to m ato es, b ut s h e d o. A nd th ey g o od.

That e venin g, it 's r a in in g h ard o uts id e. I p ull o ut a ja r a I d a P eek 's c ab bage a nd to m ato , e at m y la st slic e a le fto ver c o rn b re ad . T hen I s e t d ow n to lo ok o ver m y fin ances c ause tw o th in gs d one h ap pen:

th e b us g o ne u p to fif te en c ents a r id e a nd m y r e nt g o ne u p to tw enty -n in e d olla rs a m onth . I w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt e ig ht to fo ur, s ix d ays a w eek e xcep t S atu rd ays. I g et p aid fo rty -th re e d olla rs e ver Frid ay, w hic h c o m e to $ 172 a m onth . T hat m eans a fte r I p ay th e lig ht b ill, th e w ate r b ill, th e g as b ill, and th e te le p ho ne b ill, I g o t th ir te en d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents a w eek le ft fo r m y g ro cerie s, m y c lo th es, gettin g m y h air d one, a nd tit h in g to th e c hurc h. N ot to m entio n th e c o st to m ail th ese b ills d one g o ne up to a n ic k el. A nd m y w ork s h o es is s o th in , th ey lo ok lik e th ey s ta rv in g to d eath . N ew p air c o st se ven d olla rs th o ugh, w hic h m eans I 'm o n b e e atin g c ab bage a nd to m ato till I tu rn in to B r'e r R ab bit .

Thank th e L ord fo r I d a P eek , e ls e I b e e atin g n o th in g.

My p ho ne r in g, m ak in g m e ju m p. B efo re I c an e ven s a y h ello , I h ear M in ny. S he w ork in g la te to nig ht.

"M is s H illy s e nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t to fin d m yse lf a n ew jo b. A nd y o u kno w w hen s h e g o in g? N ext week .

" "O h no , M in ny." "I b een lo okin g, c all te n la d ie s to day. N ot e ven a s p eck a in te re st." I a m s o rry to s a y I a in 't s u rp ris e d . " I a sk M is s L eefo lt fir s t th in g to m orro w d o s h e k no w a nyb ody need h elp ." "H ang o n," M in ny s a y. I h ear o ld M is s W alt e r ta lk in g a nd M in ny s a y, " W hat y o u th in k I a m ? A chauffe ur? I a in 't d riv in g y o u to n o c o untr y c lu b in th e p ourin g r a in ." Sid es s te alin g, w ors e th in g y o u'n d o fo r y o ur c are er a s a m aid is h ave a s m art m outh . S till, s h e s u ch a g o od c o ok, s o m etim es it m ak es u p fo r it .

"D on't y o u w orry , M in ny. W e g o ne fin d y o u s o m eb ody d eaf a s a d oe-k no b, ju st lik e M is s W alt e r." "M is s H illy b een h in tin g a ro und fo r m e to c o m e w ork fo r h er." "W hat? " I ta lk s te rn a s I c an: " N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , M in ny, I s u p port y o u m yse lf fo re I le t y o u work fo r th at e vil la d y." "W ho y o u th in k y o u ta lk in g to , A ib ile en? A m onk ey? I m ig ht a s w ell g o w ork fo r th e K KK. A nd yo u k no w I n ever ta k e Y ule M ay's jo b a w ay." "I'm s o rry , L ord y m e." I ju st g et s o n erv o us w hen it c o m e to M is s H illy . " I c all M is s C aro lin e o ver o n Honeysu ck le , s e e if s h e k no w s o m eb ody. A nd I c all M is s R uth , s h e s o n ic e it n ear b out b re ak y o ur heart. U se d to c le an u p th e h o use e ver m orn in g s o I d id n't h ave n o th in g to d o b ut k eep h er co m pany. H er h usb and d ie d a th e s c arle t fe ver, m m-h m m." "T hank y o u, A . N ow c o m e o n, M is s W alt e rs , e at u p a lit tle g re en b ean fo r m e." M in ny s a y g o odbye and h ang u p th e p ho ne.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, th ere th at o ld g re en lu m ber tr u ck is a gain . B angin g's a lr e ad y s ta rte d b ut Mis te r L eefo lt a in 't s to m pin g a ro und to day. I g uess h e k no w h e d one lo st th is o ne b efo re it e ven sta rte d .

Mis s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e k it c hen ta b le in h er b lu e-q uilt b ath ro be ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne. B ab y Gir l's g o t r e d s tic k y a ll o ver h er fa ce, h angin g o n to h er m am a's k nees tr y in g to g et h er lo ok a t h er.

"M orn in g, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y.

"M am a! M am a!" s h e s a y, tr y in g to c ra w l u p in M is s L eefo lt 's la p .

"N o, M ae M oble y." M is s L eefo lt n ud ge h er d ow n. " M am a's o n th e te le p ho ne. L et M am a ta lk ." "M am a, p ic k u p ," M ae M oble y w hin e a nd r e ach o ut h er a rm s to h er m am a. " P ic k M ae M o u p ." "H ush ," M is s L eefo lt w his p er.

I s c o op B ab y G ir l u p r ig ht q uic k a nd ta k e h er o ver to th e s in k , b ut s h e k eep c ra nin g h er n eck aro und , w hin in g, " M am a, Mam a ," tr y in g to g et h er a tte ntio n.

"J u st lik e y o u to ld m e to s a y it ." M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g in to th e p ho ne. " S om ed ay w hen w e m ove, it 'll ra is e th e v alu e o f th e h o use ." "C om e o n, B ab y G ir l. P ut y o ur h and s h ere , u nd er th e w ate r." But B ab y G ir l w rig glin g h ard . I 'm tr y in g to g et th e s o ap o n h er fin gers b ut s h e tw is tin g a nd tu rn in g and s h e s n ak e r ig ht o ut m y a rm s. S he r u n s tr a ig ht to h er m am a a nd s tic k o ut h er c hin a nd th en s h e je rk th e p ho ne c o rd h ard a s s h e c an. T he r e ceiv er c la tte r o ut a M is s L eefo lt 's h and a nd h it th e flo or.

"M ae M oble y!" I s a y.

I r u sh to g et h er b ut M is s L eefo lt g et th ere fir s t. H er lip s is c urle d b ack fr o m h er te eth in a s c ary sm ile . M is s L eefo lt s la p B ab y G ir l o n th e b ack a h er b are le gs s o h ard I ju m p fr o m th e s tin g.

Then M is s L eefo lt g ra b M ae M oble y b y th e a rm , je rk it h ard w it h e ver w ord . " D on't y o u to uch th is pho ne a gain , M ae M oble y!" s h e s a y. " A ib ile en, h o w m any tim es d o I h ave to te ll y o u to k eep h er aw ay fr o m m e w hen I a m o n th e p ho ne!" "I'm s o rry ," I s a y a nd I p ic k u p M ae M oble y, tr y to h ug h er to m e, b ut s h e b aw lin g a nd h er fa ce is re d a nd s h e fig htin g m e.

"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, it 's a ll r ig ht, e verth in g--" Mae M oble y m ak e a n u gly fa ce a t m e a nd th en s h e r e ar b ack a nd bow p ! S he w hack m e r ig ht o n th e e ar.

Mis s L eefo lt p oin t a t th e d oor, y ell, " A ib ile en, y o u b oth ju st g et out ." I c arry h er o ut th e k it c hen. I 'm s o m ad a t M is s L eefo lt , I 'm b it in g m y to ngue. I f th e fo ol w ould ju st pay h er c hild s o m e a tte ntio n, th is w ould n't h ap pen! W hen w e m ak e it to M ae M oble y's r o om , I s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair . S he s o b o n m y s h o uld er a nd I r u b h er b ack , g la d s h e c an't s e e th e m ad o n m y fa ce. I d on't w ant h er to th in k it 's a t h er.

"Y ou o kay, B ab y G ir l? " I w his p er. M y e ar s m artin g fr o m h er lit tle fis t. I 'm s o g la d s h e h it m e in ste ad a h er m am a, c ause I d on't k no w w hat th at w om an w ould a d one to h er. I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e r e d fin germ ark s o n th e b ack a h er le gs.

"I'm h ere , b ab y, A ib ee's h ere ," I r o ck a nd s o oth e, r o ck a nd s o oth e.

But B ab y G ir l, s h e ju st c ry a nd c ry .

ARO UN D L U N CHTIM E, w hen m y s to rie s c o m e o n te e-v ee, it g ets q uie t o ut in th e c arp ort. M ae Moble y's in m y la p h elp in g m e s tr in g th e b eans. S he s till k in d a fu ssy fr o m th is m orn in g. I r e ck on I am to o, b ut I d one p ush ed it d ow n to a p la ce w here I d on't h ave to w orry w it h it .

We g o in th e k it c hen a nd I fix h er b alo ney s a nd w ic h. I n th e d riv ew ay, th e w ork m en is s e ttin g in th ey tr u ck , e atin g th ey o w n lu nches. I 'm g la d fo r th e p eace. I s m ile o ver a t B ab y G ir l, g iv e h er a str a w berry , s o g ra te fu l I w as h ere d urin g th e tr o ub le w it h h er m am a. I h ate to th in k w hat w ould a hap pen if I w asn 't . S he s tu ff th e s tr a w berry in h er m outh , s m ile b ack . I th in k s h e fe el it to o.

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't h ere s o I th in k a b out c allin g M in ny a t M is s W alt e r, s e e if s h e fo und a ny w ork y et.

But b efo re I g et a ro und to it , th ey's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor. I o pen it to s e e o ne a th e w ork m en sta nd in g th ere . H e r e al o ld . G ot c o vera lls o n o ver a w hit e c o lla r s h ir t.

"H id ee, m a'a m . T ro ub le y o u fo r s o m e w ate r? " h e a sk . I d on't r e co gniz e h im . M ust liv e s o m ew here so uth a to w n.

"S ho n uff," I s a y.

I g o g et a p ap er c up fr o m th e c up board . I t's g o t h ap py b ir th d ay b allo ons o n it fr o m w hen M ae Moble y tu rn tw o. I k no w M is s L eefo lt d on't w ant m e g iv in g h im o ne a th e g la sse s.

He d rin k it in o ne lo ng s w allo w a nd h and m e th e c up b ack . H is fa ce b e r e al tir e d . K in d a lo neso m e in th e e yes.

"H ow y 'a ll c o m in g a lo ng?" I a sk .

"It's w ork ," h e s a y. " S till a in 't n o w ate r to it . R eck on w e r u n a p ip e o ut y o nd er fr o m th e r o ad ." "O th er fe lla n eed a d rin k ?" I a sk .

"B e m ig hty n ic e." H e n o d a nd I g o g et h is fr ie nd a lit tle fu nny-lo okin g c up to o, fill it u p fr o m th e s in k .

He d on't ta k e it to h is p artn er r ig ht a w ay.

"B eg a p ard on," h e s a y, " b ut w here . . ." H e s ta nd th ere a m in ute , lo ok d ow n a t h is fe et. " W here mig ht I g o to m ak e w ate r? " He lo ok u p a nd I lo ok a t h im a nd fo r a m in ute w e ju st b e lo okin g. I m ean, it 's o ne a th em fu nny th in gs. N ot th e h a-h a fu nny b ut th e fu nny w here y o u b e th in k in g: H uh. H ere w e is w it h tw o in th e ho use a nd o ne b ein g b uilt a nd th ey s till a in 't n o p la ce fo r th is m an to d o h is b usin ess.

"W ell . . ." I a in 't n ever b een in th is p osit io n b efo re . T he y o ung'u n, R obert, w ho d o th e y ard e ver tw o week s, I g uess h e g o fo re h e c o m e o ver. B ut th is fe lla , h e a o ld m an. G ot h eavy w rin k le d h and s.

Seventy y ears a w orry d one p ut s o m any lin es in h is fa ce, h e lik e a r o ad m ap .

"I s p ec y o u g o ne h ave to g o in th e b ush es, b ack a th e h o use ," I h ear m yse lf s a y, b ut I w is h it w ere n't me. " D og's b ack th ere , b ut h e w on't b oth er y o u." "A lr ig ht th en," h e s a y. " T hank y a." I w atc h h im w alk b ack r e al s lo w w it h th e c up a w ate r fo r h is p artn er.

The b angin g a nd th e d ig gin g g o o n th e r e st a th e a fte rn o on. All T H E N EX T D AY L O NG, th ey's h am merin g a nd d ig gin g g o in g o n in th e fr o nt y ard . I d on't a sk Mis s L eefo lt n o q uestio ns a b out it a nd M is s L eefo lt d on't o ffe r n o e xp la natio n. S he ju st p eer o ut th e back d oor e ver h o ur to s e e w hat's g o in g o n.

Thre e o 'c lo ck th e r a ck et s to ps a nd th e m ens g et in th ey tr u ck a nd le ave. M is s L eefo lt , s h e w atc h e m driv e o ff, le t o ut a b ig s ig h. T hen s h e g et in h er c ar a nd g o d o w hate ver it is s h e d o w hen s h e a in 't nerv o us b out a c o up le a c o lo re d m ens h angin g r o und h er h o use .

Afte r w hile , th e p ho ne r in g.

"M is s L eef- -" "S he te llin g e verb ody in to w n I 'm s te alin g! T hat's w hy I c an't g et n o w ork ! T hat w it c h d one tu rn ed me in to th e S m art- M outh ed C rim in al M aid a H in d s C ounty !" "H old o n, M in ny, g et y o ur b re ath --" "B efo re w ork th is m orn in g, I g o to th e R enfr o es' o ver o n S ycam ore a nd M is s R enfr o e n ear b out chase m e o ff th e p ro perty . S ay M is s H illy to ld h er a b out m e, e verb ody k no w I s to le a c and ela b ra fr o m M is s W alt e rs !" I c an h ear th e g rip s h e g o t o n th e p ho ne, s o und lik e s h e tr y in g to c ru sh it in h er h and . I h ear K in d ra ho lle r a nd I w ond er w hy M in ny a lr e ad y h o m e. S he u su ally d on't le ave w ork till fo ur.

"I a in 't d one n o th in g b ut fe ed th at o ld w om an g o od fo od a nd lo ok a fte r h er!" "M in ny, I k no w y o u h o nest. G od k no w y o u h o nest." Her v o ic e d ip d ow n, lik e b ees o n a c o m b. " W hen I w alk in to M is s W alt e rs ', M is s H illy b e th ere a nd sh e tr y to g iv e m e tw enty d olla rs . S he s a y, 'T ak e it . I k no w y o u n eed it ,' a nd I b out s p it in h er fa ce.

But I d id n't . N o s ir ." S he s ta rt m ak in g th is p antin g n o is e , s h e s a y, " I d id worse ." "W hat y o u d id ?" "I a in 't te llin g. I a in 't te llin g n o body a b out th at p ie . B ut I g iv e h er w hat s h e d ese rv e!" S he w ailin g n o w and I fe el a r e al c o ld fe ar. A in 't n o g am e c ro ssin g M is s H illy . " I a in 't n ever g o ne g et n o w ork a gain , Lero y g o ne k ill m e . . ." Kin d ra g ets to c ry in g in th e b ack gro und . M in ny h ang u p w it h o ut e ven s a yin g g o odbye. I d on't k no w what s h e ta lk in g a b out a p ie . B ut L aw , k no w in g M in ny, it c o uld n o t h ave b een g o od.

TH AT N IG HT, I p ic k m e a p oke s a la d a nd a to m ato o ut a I d a's g ard en. I fr y u p s o m e h am , m ak e a lit tle g ra vy fo r m y b is c uit . M y w ig b een b ru sh ed o ut a nd p ut u p , g o t m y p in k r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y sp ra yed th e G ood N uff o n m y h air . I b een w orrie d a ll a fte rn o on, th in k in g b out M in ny. I g o t to p ut it out a m y m in d if I 'm o n g et s o m e s le ep to nig ht.

I s e t a t m y ta b le to e at, tu rn o n th e k it c hen r a d io . L it tle S te vie W ond er's s in gin g " F in gertip s." B ein g co lo re d a in 't n o th in g o n th at b oy. H e tw elv e y ears o ld , b lin d , a nd g o t a h it o n th e r a d io . W hen h e done, I s k ip o ver P asto r G re en p la yin g h is s e rm on a nd s to p o n W BLA . T hey p la y th e ju k e jo in t blu es.

I lik e th em s m oky, liq uo r- d rin k in g s o und s w hen it g et d ark . M ak es m e fe el lik e m y w ho le h o use is fu ll a p eo ple . I c an a lm ost s e e e m , s w ayin g h ere in m y k it c hen, d ancin g to th e b lu es. W hen I tu rn o ff th e c eilin g lig ht, I p re te nd w e a t T he R aven. T hey's lit tle ta b le s w it h r e d -c o vere d lig hts . I t's M ay o r Ju ne a nd w arm . M y m an C ly d e fla sh m e h is w hit e -to oth ed s m ile a nd s a y Honey, y o u w ant y o u a drin k?

A nd I s a y, Bla ck M ary s tr a ig ht u p a nd th en I g et to la ughin g a t m yse lf , s e ttin g in m y k it c hen havin g th is d ayd re am , c ause th e r a cie st th in g I e ver ta k e is th e p urp le N ehi.

Mem phis M in ny g et to s in gin g o n th e r a d io h o w le an m eat w on't fr y , w hic h is a b out h o w th e lo ve don't la st. T im e to tim e, I th in k I m ig ht fin d m yse lf a no th er m an, o ne fr o m m y c hurc h. P ro ble m is , much a s I lo ve th e L ord , c hurc h-g o in g m an n ever d o a ll th at m uch fo r m e. K in d a m an I lik e a in 't th e kin d th at s ta ys a ro und w hen h e d one s p end in g a ll y o u m oney. I m ad e th at m is ta k e tw enty y ears a go .

When m y h usb and C ly d e le ft m e fo r th at n o -c o unt h ussy u p o n F aris h S tr e et, o ne th ey c all C oco a, I fig ure d I b ette r s h ut th e d oor fo r g o od o n th at k in d a b usin ess.

A c at g et to s c re echin g o uts id e a nd b rin g m e b ack to m y c o ld k it c hen. I tu rn th e r a d io o ff a nd th e lig ht b ack o n, fis h m y p ra yer b ook o ut m y p urs e . M y p ra yer b ook is ju st a b lu e n o te p ad I p ic k u p a t th e B en F ra nk lin s to re . I u se a p encil s o I c an e ra se till I g et it r ig ht. I b een w rit in g m y p ra yers s in ce I was in ju nio r h ig h. W hen I te ll m y s e venth -g ra d e te acher I a in 't c o m in g b ack to s c ho ol c ause I g o t to help o ut m y m am a, M is s R oss ju st a b out c rie d .

"Y ou'r e th e s m arte st o ne in th e c la ss, A ib ile en," s h e s a y. " A nd th e o nly w ay y o u'r e g o in g to k eep sh arp is to r e ad and w rit e e very d ay." So I s ta rte d w rit in g m y p ra yers d ow n in ste ad a s a yin g e m . B ut n o body's c alle d m e s m art s in ce.

I tu rn th e p ages a m y p ra yer b ook to s e e w ho I g o t to nig ht. A fe w tim es th is w eek , I th o ught a b out mayb e p uttin g M is s S keete r o n m y lis t. I 'm n o t r e al s u re w hy. S he a lw ays n ic e w hen s h e c o m e o ver.

It m ak es m e n erv o us, b ut I c an't h elp b ut w ond er w hat s h e w as g o ne a sk m e in M is s L eefo lt 's kit c hen, a b out d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. N ot to m entio n h er a sk in g m e th e w here ab outs a Consta ntin e, h er m aid g ro w in g u p . I k no w w hat h ap pen b etw een C onsta ntin e a nd M is s S keete r's mam a a nd a in 't n o w ay I 'm o n te ll h er th at s to ry .

The th in g is th o ugh, if I s ta rt p ra yin g fo r M is s S keete r, I k no w th at c o nvers a tio n g o ne c o ntin ue th e next tim e I s e e h er. A nd th e n ext a nd th e n ext. C ause th at's th e w ay p ra yer d o. I t's lik e e le ctr ic it y , it keep s th in gs g o in g. A nd th e b ath ro om s it u atio n, it ju st a in 't s o m eth in g I r e ally w ant to d is c uss. I s c an d ow n m y p ra yer lis t. M y M ae M oble y g o t th e n um ber o ne r u ng, th en th ey's F anny L ou a t churc h, a ilin g fr o m th e r h eum atis m . M y s is te rs I n ez a nd M ab le in P ort G ib so n th at g o t e ig hte en k id s betw een e m a nd s ix w it h th e flu . W hen th e lis t b e th in , I s lip in th at o ld s tin k y w hit e fe lla th at liv e behin d th e fe ed s to re , th e o ne lo st h is m in d fr o m d rin k in g th e s h o e p olis h . B ut th e lis t b e p re tty fu ll to nig ht.

And lo ok a th ere w ho e ls e I d one p ut o n th is lis t. B ertr in a B esse m er a a ll p eo ple ! E verb ody k no w Bertr in a a nd m e d on't ta k e to e ach o th er e ver s in ce s h e c all m e a n ig ga fo ol fo r m arry in g C ly d e um pte en y ears a go .

"M in ny," I s a y la st S und ay, " w hy B ertr in a a sk me to p ra y fo r h er? " We w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e o ne o 'c lo ck s e rv ic e. M in ny s a y, " R um or is y o u g o t s o m e k in d a p ow er pra yer, g ets b ette r r e su lt s th an ju st th e r e gula r v arie ty ." "S ay w hat? " "E ud ora G re en, w hen s h e b ro ke h er h ip , w ent o n y o ur lis t, u p w alk in g in a w eek . I s a ia h fe ll o ff th e co tto n tr u ck , o n y o ur p ra yer lis t th at n ig ht, b ack to w ork th e n ext d ay." Hearin g th is m ad e m e th in k a b out h o w I d id n't e ven g et th e c hance to p ra y fo r T re elo re . M ayb e th at's w hy G od to ok h im s o fa st. H e d id n't w ant a h ave to a rg ue w it h m e.

"S nuff W ash in gto n," M in ny s a y, " L olly J a ck so n--h eck , L olly g o o n y o ur lis t a nd tw o d ays la te r s h e pop u p fr o m h er w heelc hair lik e s h e to uched J e su s. E verb ody in H in d s C ounty k no w a b out th at one." "B ut th at a in 't m e," I s a y. " T hat's ju st p ra yer." "B ut B ertr in a--" M in ny g et to la ughin g, s a y, " Y ou k no w C oco a, th e o ne C ly d e r u n o ff w it h ?" "P hhh. Y ou k no w I n ever fo rg et h er." "W eek a fte r C ly d e le ft y o u, I h eard th at C oco a w ak e u p to h er c o otc hie s p oilt lik e a r o tte n o yste r.

Did n't g et b ette r fo r th re e m onth s. B ertr in a, s h e g o od fr ie nd s w it h C oco a. S he know y o ur p ra yer work s." My m outh d ro p o pen. W hy s h e n ever te ll m e th is b efo re ? " Y ou s a yin g p eo ple th in k I g o t th e b la ck magic ?" "I k new it m ak e y o u w orry if I to ld y o u. T hey ju st th in k y o u g o t a b ette r c o nnectio n th an m ost. W e all o n a p arty lin e to G od, b ut y o u, y o u s e ttin g r ig ht in h is e ar." My te ap ot s ta rt fu ssin g o n th e s to ve, b rin gin g m e b ack to r e al lif e . L aw , I r e ck on I ju st g o a head a nd put M is s S keete r o n th e lis t, b ut h o w c o m e, I d on't k no w . W hic h r e m in d s m e a w hat I d on't w ant a th in k a b out, th at M is s L eefo lt 's b uild in g m e a b ath ro om c ause s h e th in k I 'm d is e ase d . A nd M is s Skeete r a sk in g d on't I w ant to c hange th in gs, lik e c hangin g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o ne b e lik e changin g a lig htb ulb . I'm S TR IN GIN G B EA N S in M is s L eefo lt 's k it c hen a nd th e p ho ne r in gs. I 'm h o pin g it 's M in ny to sa y s h e fo und s o m eth in g. I d one c alle d e verb ody I e ver w ait e d o n a nd th ey a ll to ld m e th e s a m e th in g: " W e a in 't h ir in g." B ut w hat th ey r e ally m ean is : " W e a in 't h ir in g Min ny ." Even th o ugh M in ny a lr e ad y h ad h er la st d ay a w ork th re e d ays a go , M is s W alt e r c all M in ny in s e cre t la st n ig ht, a sk h er to c o m e in to day c ause th e h o use fe el to o e m pty , w hat w it h m ost th e fu rn it u re alr e ad y ta k en a w ay b y M is s H illy . I s till d on't k no w w hat h ap pen w it h M in ny a nd M is s H illy . I re ck on I d on't r e ally w ant to k no w .

"L eefo lt r e sid ence." "U m, h i. T his is . . ." T he la d y s to p, c le ar h er th ro at. " H ello . M ay I . . . m ay I p le ase s p eak to Eliz a b eth L eer- fo lt ? " "M is s L eefo lt a in 't h o m e r ig ht n o w . M ay I ta k e a m essa ge?" "O h," s h e s a y, lik e s h e g o t a ll e xcit e d o ver n o th in g.

"M ay I a sk w ho c allin g?" "T his is . . . C elia F oote . M y h usb and g ave m e th is n um ber h ere a nd I d on't k no w E liz a b eth , b ut . . .

well, h e s a id s h e k no w s a ll a b out th e C hild re n's B enefit a nd th e L ad ie s L eague." I k no w th is n am e, but I c an't q uit e p la ce it . T his w om an ta lk lik e s h e fr o m s o d eep in th e c o untr y s h e g o t c o rn g ro w in g in h er s h o es. H er v o ic e is s w eet th o ugh, h ig h-p it c h. S till, s h e d on't s o und lik e th e la d ie s r o und h ere do.

"I g iv e h er y o ur m essa ge," I s a y. " W hat's y o ur n um ber? " "I'm k in d o f n ew h ere a nd , w ell, th at's n o t tr u e, I 'v e b een h ere a p re tty g o od s tr e tc h, g o sh , o ver a year n o w . I ju st d on't r e ally k no w a nyb ody. I d on't . . . g et o ut to o m uch." She c le ar h er th ro at a gain a nd I 'm w ond erin g w hy s h e te llin g m e a ll th is . I 'm th e m aid , s h e a in 't g o ne win n o fr ie nd s ta lk in g to m e.

"I w as th in k in g m ayb e I c o uld h elp o ut w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit fr o m h o m e," s h e s a y.

I r e m em ber th en w ho s h e is . S he th e o ne M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt a lw ays ta lk in g tr a sh o n c ause sh e m arry M is s H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd .

"I g iv e h er th e m essa ge. W hat y o u s a y y o ur n um ber is a gain ?" "O h, b ut I 'm fix in g to s c o ot o ff to th e g ro cery s to re . O h, m ayb e I s h o uld s it a nd w ait ." "S he d on't r e ach y o u, s h e le ave a m essa ge w it h y o ur h elp ." "I d on't h ave a ny h elp . I n fa ct, I w as p la nnin g o n a sk in g h er a b out th at to o, if s h e c o uld p ass a lo ng th e n am e o f s o m eb ody g o od." "Y ou lo okin g fo r h elp ?" "I'm in a s tit c h tr y in g to fin d s o m eb ody to c o m e a ll th e w ay o ut to M ad is o n C ounty ." Well, w hat d o y o u k no w . " I k no w s o m eb ody r e al g o od. S he k no w n fo r h er c o okin g a nd s h e lo ok afte r y o u k id s to o. S he e ven g o t h er o w n c ar to d riv e o ut to y o u h o use ." "O h, w ell . . . I 'd s till lik e to ta lk to E liz a b eth a b out it . D id I a lr e ad y te ll y o u m y n um ber? " "N o m a'a m ," I s ig h. " G o h ead ." M is s L eefo lt n ever g o ne r e co m mend M in ny, n o t w it h a ll a M is s Hilly 's lie s.

She s a y, " It's M is su s J o hnny F oote a nd it 's E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e." Ju st in c ase I s a y, " A nd h er n am e is M in ny, s h e a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. Y ou g o t th at? " Bab y G ir l tu g o n m y d re ss, s a y, " T um -m y h urt," a nd s h e r u b bin g h er b elly .

I g et a n id ea. I s a y, " H old o n, w hat's th at M is s L eefo lt ? U h-h uh, I te ll h er." I p ut th e p ho ne b ack to my m outh a nd s a y, " M is s C elia , M is s L eefo lt ju st w alk in a nd s h e s a y s h e a in 't fe elin g g o od b ut fo r yo u to g o o n a nd c all M in ny. S he s a y s h e c all y o u if s h e b e n eed in g h elp w it h th e B enefit ." "O h! T ell h er I s a id th ank y o u. A nd I s u re d o h o pe s h e g ets to fe elin g b ette r. A nd to c all m e u p anytim e." "T hat's M in ny J a ck so n a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. H ang o n, w hat's th at? " I g et a co okie a nd g iv e it to M ae M oble y, fe el n o th in g b ut d elig ht a t th e d evil in m e. I a m ly in g a nd I d on't even c are .

I te ll M is s C elia F oote , " S he s a y d on't te ll n o body b out h er tip o n M in ny, c ause a ll h er fr ie nd s w ant a hir e h er a nd th ey b e r e al u p se t if th ey fin d o ut s h e g iv e h er to s o m eb ody e ls e ." "I w on't te ll h er s e cre t if s h e w on't te ll m in e. I d on't w ant m y h usb and to k no w I 'm h ir in g a m aid ." Well, if th at a in 't p erfe ct th en I d on't k no w w hat is .

Soon a s w e h ang u p , I d ia l M in ny q uic k a s I c an. B ut ju st a s I d o, M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e d oor.

This a r e al p re d ic am ent, s e e. I g ave th is M is s C elia w om an M in ny's n um ber a t h o m e, b ut M in ny work in g to day c ause M is s W alt e r lo nely . S o w hen s h e c all, L ero y g o ne g iv e h er M is s W alt e r n um ber cause h e a fo ol. I f M is s W alt e r a nsw er th e p ho ne w hen M is s C elia c all, th en th e w ho le jig is u p .

Mis s W alt e r g o ne te ll th is w om an e verth in g M is s H illy b een s p re ad in g a ro und . I g o t to g et to M in ny or L ero y b efo re a ll th is h ap pen. Mis s L eefo lt h ead b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd , ju st lik e I fig ure d , th e fir s t th in g s h e d o is tie u p th e pho ne. F ir s t s h e c all M is s H illy . T hen s h e c all th e h air d re sse r. T hen s h e c all th e s to re a b out a wed din g p re se nt, ta lk in g, ta lk in g, ta lk in g. S oon a s s h e h ang u p , s h e c o m e o ut a nd a sk w hat th ey havin g fo r s u p per th is w eek . I p ull o ut th e n o te b ook a nd g o d ow n th e lis t. N o, s h e d on't w ant p ork cho ps. S he tr y in g to g et h er h usb and to r e d uce. S he w ant s k ille t s te ak a nd g re en s a la d . A nd h o w many c alo rie s d o I s p ec th em m erin gue th in gie s h ave? A nd d on't g iv e n o m ore c o okie s to M ae Moble y c ause s h e to o fa t a nd --a nd --a nd -- Law ! F or a w om an w ho a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e b ut d o th is a nd u se th at b ath ro om , a ll a s u d den s h e ta lk in g to m e lik e I 'm h er b est fr ie nd . M ae M oble y's d ancin g a h o t- fo ot jig tr y in g to g et h er m am a to no tic e h er. A nd ju st w hen M is s L eefo lt a b out to b end d ow n to p ay h er s o m e a tte ntio n, w ho ops!

Mis s L eefo lt r u n o ut th e d oor c ause s h e fo rg o t s h e g o t a e rra nd to r u n a nd a b lo om in g h o ur d one passe d a lr e ad y.

I c an't m ak e m y fin gers g o r o und th at d ia l fa st e no ugh.

"M in ny! I g o t a jo b lin ed u p . B ut y o u g o t to g et to th e p ho ne--" "S he a lr e ad y c all. " M in ny's v o ic e is fla t. " L ero y g iv e h er th e n um ber." "S o M is s W alt e r a nsw er it ," I s a y.

"D eaf a s d oo-d oo a nd a ll a s u d den it 's lik e a m ir a cle fr o m G od, s h e h ear th e p ho ne r in gin g. I 'm go in g in a nd o ut a th e k it c hen, n o t p ayin g a tte ntio n, b ut a t th e e nd I h ear m y n am e. T hen L ero y c all and I k no w th at's w hat it w as." M in ny s o und w ore o ut, a nd s h e th e k in d th at d on't e ver g et tir e d .

"W ell. M ayb e M is s W alt e r d id n't te ll h er th em lie s M is s H illy s ta rte d . Y ou n ever k no w ." B ut e ven I ain 't fo ol e no ugh to b elie ve th is .

"E ven if s h e d id n't , M is s W alt e rs k no w a ll a b out h o w I g o t b ack a t M is s H illy . Y ou d on't k no w a b out th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d id . I d on't e ver w ant y o u to k no w . I 'm s u re M is s W alt e rs te ll th is w om an I'm n o th in g s h o rt a th e d evil h is se lf ." H er v o ic e s o und e erie . L ik e s h e a r e co rd p la yer g o in g to o s lo w .

"I'm s o rry . I w is h I c o uld a c alle d y o u e arlie r s o y o u c o uld p ic k u p th at p ho ne." "Y ou d one w hat y o u c an. N oth in g n o body c an d o fo r m e n o w ." "I b e p ra yin g fo r y o u." "T hank y o u," s h e s a y, a nd th en h er v o ic e b re ak d ow n. " A nd I th ank y o u fo r tr y in g to h elp m e." We h ang u p a nd I g o to m oppin g. T he s o und a M in ny's v o ic e s c are m e.

She a lw ays b een a s tr o ng w om an, a lw ays fig htin g. A fte r T re elo re d ie d , s h e c arry s u p per o ver to m e ever n ig ht fo r th re e m onth s s tr a ig ht. A nd e ver d ay s h e s a y, " N uh-u h, y o u a in 't le avin g m e o n th is so rry e arth w it h o ut y o u," b ut I te ll y o u, I w as s u re e no ugh th in k in g a b out it .

I a lr e ad y h ad th e r o pe tie d w hen M in ny fo und it . T he c o il w as T re elo re 's , fr o m b ack w hen h e d oin g a s c ie nce p ro je ct w it h p ulle ys a nd r in gs. I d on't k no w if I 's g o ne u se it , k no w in g it 's a s in a gain st God, b ut I w asn 't in m y r ig ht m in d . M in ny, th o ugh, s h e d on't a sk n o q uestio ns a b out it , ju st p ull it o ut fr o m u nd er th e b ed , p ut it in th e c an, ta k e it to th e s tr e et. W hen s h e c o m e b ack in , s h e b ru sh h er hand s to geth er lik e s h e c le anin g th in gs u p a s u su al. S he a ll b usin ess, th at M in ny. B ut n o w , s h e s o und bad . I g o t a m in d to c heck u nd er h er b ed to nig ht.

I p ut d ow n th e b uck et a S unsh in e c le aner th em la d ie s is a lw ays s m ilin g a b out o n th e te e-v ee. I g o t to se t d ow n. M ae M oble y c o m e u p h o ld in g h er tu m my, s a y, " M ak e it n o t h urt." She la y h er fa ce o n m y le g. I s m ooth h er h air d ow n o ver a nd o ver till s h e p ra ctic ally p urrin g, fe elin g th e lo ve in m y h and . A nd I th in k a b out a ll m y fr ie nd s, w hat th ey d one fo r m e. W hat th ey d o e ver d ay fo r th e w hit e w om en th ey w ait in g o n. T hat p ain in M in ny's v o ic e. T re elo re d ead in th e g ro und . I lo ok dow n a t B ab y G ir l, w ho I k no w , d eep d ow n, I c an't k eep fr o m tu rn in g o ut lik e h er m am a. A nd a ll o f it to geth er r o ll o n to p a m e. I c lo se m y e yes, s a y th e L ord 's p ra yer to m yse lf . B ut it d on't m ak e m e fe el a ny b ette r.

Law h elp m e, b ut s o m eth in g's g o ne h ave to b e d one.

BA BY G ir l H ug O n M Y L EG S a ll a fte rn o on to w here I b out fa ll o ver a fe w tim es. I d on't m in d .

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e o r M ae M oble y s in ce th is m orn in g. B een w ork in g s o b usy o n th at s e w in g m achin e in h er b ed ro om . T ry in g to c o ver u p s o m eth in g e ls e s h e d on't lik e th e lo ok o f in th e h o use .

Afte r w hile m e a nd M ae M oble y g o in th e r e gula r liv in g r o om . I g o t a lo ad a M is te r L eefo lt 's s h ir ts to ir o n a nd a fte r th is I 'm o n g et a p ot r o ast g o in g. I c le aned th e b ath ro om s a lr e ad y, g o t th e s h eets changed , th e r u gs v acuum ed . I a lw ays tr y to fin is h u p e arly s o m e a nd B ab y G ir l c an s e t to geth er and p la y.

Mis s L eefo lt c o m e in a nd w atc h m e ir o nin g. S he d o th at s o m etim es. F ro w n a nd lo ok. T hen s h e sm ile r e al q uic k w hen I g la nce u p . P at u p th e b ack a h er h air , tr y in g to m ak e it p uffy .

"A ib ile en, I h ave a s u rp ris e fo r y o u." She s m ilin g b ig n o w . S he d on't h ave n o te eth s h o w in g, ju st a lip s m ile , k in d y o u g o t to w atc h.

"M is te r L eefo lt a nd I h ave d ecid ed to b uild y o u y o ur v ery o w n b ath ro om ." S he c la p h er h and s to geth er, d ro p h er c hin a t m e. " It's r ig ht o ut th ere in th e g ara ge." "Y es m a'a m ." W here s h e th in k I b een a ll th is tim e?

"S o, fr o m n o w o n, in ste ad o f u sin g th e g uest b ath ro om , y o u c an u se y o ur o w n r ig ht o ut th ere . W on't th at b e n ic e?" "Y es m a'a m ." I k eep ir o nin g. T ee-v ee's o n a nd m y p ro gra m 's fix in g to s ta rt. S he k eep s ta nd in g th ere lo okin g a t m e th o ugh.

"S o y o u'll u se th at o ne o ut in th e g ara ge n o w , y o u u nd ers ta nd ?" I d on't lo ok a t h er. I 'm n o t tr y in g to m ak e n o tr o ub le , b ut s h e d one m ad e h er p oin t.

"D on't y o u w ant to g et s o m e tis su e a nd g o o n o ut th ere a nd u se it ? " "M is s L eefo lt , I d on't r e ally h ave to g o r ig ht th is s e co nd ." Mae M oble y p oin t a t m e fr o m th e p la yp en, s a y, " M ae M o ju ic e?" "I g et y o u s o m e ju ic e, b ab y," I s a y.

"O h." M is s L eefo lt lic k h er lip s a fe w tim es. " B ut w hen y o u d o, y o u'll g o o n b ack th ere a nd u se th at one n o w , I m ean... o nly th at o ne, r ig ht? " Mis s L eefo lt w ear a lo t a m ak eup , c re am y-lo okin g s tu ff, th ic k . T hat y ello w is h m ak eup 's s p re ad acro ss h er lip s to o, s o y o u c an b are ly te ll s h e e ven g o t a m outh . I s a y w hat I k no w s h e w ant to h ear:

"I u se m y c o lo re d b ath ro om fr o m n o w o n. A nd th en I g o o n a nd C lo ro x th e w hit e b ath ro om a gain re al g o od." "W ell, th ere 's n o h urry . A nytim e to day w ould b e fin e." But b y th e w ay s h e s ta nd in g th ere fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g, s h e r e ally m ean fo r m e to d o it r ig ht no w .

I p ut th e ir o n d ow n r e al s lo w , fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in m y c hest, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r T re elo re die d . M y fa ce g o es h o t, m y to ngue tw it c hy. I d on't k no w w hat to s a y to h er. A ll I k no w is , I a in 't sa yin g it . A nd I k no w s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat s h e w ant a s a y e it h er a nd it 's a s tr a nge th in g h ap penin g here c ause n o body s a yin g n o th in g a nd w e s till m anagin g to h ave u s a c o nvers a tio n.

MIN NY ch ap te r 3 S TA N DIN G O n th at w hit e la d y's b ack p orc h, I te ll m yse lf , Tuck it in , M in ny.

T uck in w hate ver m ig ht fly o ut m y m outh a nd tu ck in m y b ehin d to o. L ook lik e a m aid w ho d oes w hat s h e's to ld . T ru th i s , I 'm s o n erv o us r ig ht n o w , I 'd n ever b ack ta lk a gain if it m eant I 'd g et th is jo b.

I y ank m y h o se u p fr o m s a ggin g a ro und m y fe et- -th e tr o ub le o f a ll fa t, s h o rt w om en a ro und th e w orld . T hen I r e hears e w hat to s a y, w hat to k eep to m yse lf . I g o a head a nd p unch th e b ell.

T he d oorb ell r in gs a lo ng bin g-b ong , fin e a nd fa ncy fo r th is b ig m ansio n o ut in th e c o untr y . I t lo oks l ik e a c astle , g ra y b ric k r is in g h ig h in th e s k y a nd le ft a nd r ig ht to o. W oods s u rro und th e la w n o n e very s id e. I f th is p la ce w as in a s to ry b ook, th ere 'd b e w it c hes in th o se w oods. T he k in d th at e at k id s.

T he b ack d oor o pens a nd th ere s ta nd s M is s M arily n M onro e. O r s o m eth in g k in to h er.

" H ey th ere , y o u'r e r ig ht o n tim e. I 'm C elia . C elia R ae F oote ." T he w hit e la d y s tic k s h er h and o ut to m e a nd I s tu d y h er. S he m ig ht b e b uilt lik e M arily n, b ut s h e a in 't r e ad y fo r n o s c re en te st. S he's g o t flo ur in h er y ello w h air d o. F lo ur in h er g lu e-o n e yela sh es.

A nd flo ur a ll o ver th at ta ck y p in k p ants u it . H er s ta nd in g in a c lo ud o f d ust a nd th at p ants u it b ein g s o t ig ht, I w ond er h o w s h e c an b re ath e.

" Y es m a'a m . I 'm M in ny J a ck so n." I s m ooth d ow n m y w hit e u nif o rm in ste ad o f s h ak in g h er h and . I d on't w ant th at m ess o n m e. " Y ou c o okin g s o m eth in g?" " O ne o f th o se u p sid ed ow n c ak es fr o m th e m agazin e?" S he s ig hs. " It a in 't w ork in g o ut to o g o od." I fo llo w h er in sid e a nd th at's w hen I s e e M is s C elia R ae F oote 's s u ffe re d o nly a m in o r in ju ry in th e f lo ur fia sc o . T he r e st o f th e k it c hen to ok th e r e al h it . T he c o unte rto ps, th e d oub le -d oor r e fr ig era to r, t h e K it c hen-A id m ix er a re a ll s it tin g in a b out a q uarte r- in ch o f s n o w flo ur. I t's e no ugh m ess to d riv e m e c ra zy. I a in 't e ven g o t th e jo b y et, a nd I 'm a lr e ad y lo okin g o ver a t th e s in k fo r a s p onge.

M is s C elia s a ys, " I g uess I h ave s o m e le arn in g to d o." " Y ou s u re d o," I s a y. B ut I b it e d ow n h ard o n m y to ngue.

Don't y o u g o s a ssin g t h is w hit e la dy lik e y o u d one t h e o th er. S asse d h er a ll t h e w ay t o t h e n ursin g h om e.

B ut M is s C elia , s h e ju st s m ile s, w ash es th e m uck o ff h er h and s in a s in k fu ll o f d is h es. I w ond er if m ayb e I 'v e fo und m yse lf a no th er d eaf o ne, lik e M is s W alt e rs w as. L et's h o pe s o .

" I ju st c an't s e em to g et th e h ang o f k it c hen w ork ," s h e s a ys a nd e ven w it h M arily n's w his p ery H olly w ood v o ic e, I c an te ll r ig ht o ff, s h e's fr o m way o ut in th e c o untr y . I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny s h o es o n, lik e s o m e k in d o f w hit e tr a sh . N ic e w hit e la d ie s d on't g o a ro und b are fo ot.

S he's p ro bab ly te n o r fif te en y ears y o unger th an m e, tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e, a nd s h e's r e al p re tty , b ut w hy's s h e w earin g a ll th at g o o o n h er fa ce? I 'll b et s h e's g o t o n d oub le th e m ak eup th e o th er w hit e la d ie s w ear. S he's g o t a lo t m ore b oso m to h er, to o. I n fa ct, s h e's a lm ost a s b ig a s m e e xcep t sh e's s k in ny in a ll th o se p la ces I a in 't . I ju st h o pe s h e's a n e ate r. B ecause I 'm a c o oker a nd th at's why p eo ple h ir e m e.

"C an I g et y o u a c o ld d rin k ?" s h e a sk s. " S et d ow n a nd I 'll b rin g y o u s o m eth in g." And th at's m y c lu e: s o m eth in g fu nny's g o in g o n h ere .

"L ero y, s h e g o t to b e c ra zy," I s a id w hen s h e c alle d m e u p th re e d ays a go a nd a sk ed if I 'd c o m e in te rv ie w , " c ause e verb ody in to w n th in k I s to le M is s W alt e rs ' s ilv er. A nd I k no w s h e d o to o c ause sh e c all M is s W alt e rs u p o n th e p ho ne w hen I w as th ere ." "W hit e p eo ple s tr a nge," L ero y s a id . " W ho k no w s, m ayb e th at o ld w om an g iv e y o u a g o od w ord ." I lo ok a t M is s C elia R ae F oote h ard . I 'v e n ever in m y lif e h ad a w hit e w om an te ll m e to s it d ow n s o sh e c an s e rv e m e a c o ld d rin k . S ho ot, n o w I 'm w ond erin g if th is fo ol e ven p la ns o n h ir in g a m aid o r if s h e ju st d ru g m e a ll th e w ay o ut h ere fo r s p ort.

"M ayb e w e b ette r g o o n a nd s e e th e h o use fir s t, m a'a m ." She s m ile s lik e th e th o ught n ever e nte re d th at h air s p ra yed h ead o f h ers , le ttin g m e s e e th e h o use I mig ht b e c le anin g.

"O h, o f c o urs e . C om e o n in y o nd er, M axie . I 'll s h o w y o u th e fa ncy d in in g r o om fir s t." "T he n am e," I s a y, " is M in ny." Mayb e s h e's n o t d eaf o r c ra zy. M ayb e s h e's ju st s tu p id . A s h in y h o pe r is e s u p in m e a gain .

All o ver th at b ig o le d oodie d u p h o use s h e w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd I fo llo w . T here a re te n r o om s dow nsta ir s a nd o ne w it h a s tu ffe d g riz zly b ear th at lo oks lik e it a te u p th e la st m aid a nd is b id in g fo r th e n ext o ne. A b urn ed -u p C onfe d era te fla g is fr a m ed o n th e w all, a nd o n th e ta b le is a n o ld s ilv er pis to l w it h th e n am e " C onfe d era te G enera l J o hn F oote " e ngra ved o n it . I b et G re at- G ra nd ad dy Foote s c are d s o m e s la ves w it h th at th in g.

We m ove o n a nd it s ta rts to lo ok lik e a ny n ic e w hit e h o use . E xcep t th is o ne's th e b ig gest I 'v e e ver been in a nd fu ll o f d ir ty flo ors a nd d usty r u gs, th e k in d fo lk s w ho d on't k no w a ny b ette r w ould s a y is worn o ut, b ut I k no w a n a ntiq ue w hen I s e e o ne. I 'v e w ork ed in s o m e fin e h o m es. I ju st h o pe s h e ain 't s o c o untr y s h e d on't o w n a H oover.

"J o hnny's m am a w ould n't le t m e d eco ra te a th in g. I h ad m y w ay, th ere 'd b e w all- to -w all w hit e c arp et and g o ld tr im a nd n o ne o f th is o ld s tu ff." "W here y o ur p eo ple fr o m ?" I a sk h er.

"I'm fr o m . . . S ugar D it c h." H er v o ic e d ro ps d ow n a lit tle . S ugar D it c h is a s lo w a s y o u c an g o in Mis sis sip pi, m ayb e th e w ho le U nit e d S ta te s. I t's u p in T unic a C ounty , a lm ost to M em phis . I s a w pic tu re s in th e p ap er o ne tim e, s h o w in g th o se te nant s h ack s. E ven th e w hit e k id s lo oked lik e th ey had n't h ad a m eal fo r a w eek .

Mis s C elia tr ie s to s m ile , s a ys, " T his is m y fir s t tim e h ir in g a m aid ." "W ell y o u s u re n eed o ne." Now , M in ny -- "I w as r e al g la d to g et th e r e co m mend atio n fr o m M is su s W alt e rs . S he to ld m e a ll a b out y o u. S aid yo ur c o okin g is th e b est in to w n." That m ak es z e ro s e nse to m e. A fte r w hat I d id to M is s H illy , r ig ht in fr o nt o f M is s W alt e rs to s e e?

"S he s a y... a nyth in g e ls e a b out m e?" But M is s C elia 's a lr e ad y w alk in g u p a b ig c urv in g s ta ir c ase . I fo llo w h er u p sta ir s , to a lo ng h all w it h su n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow s. E ven th o ugh th ere a re tw o y ello w b ed ro om s fo r g ir ls a nd a b lu e one a nd a g re en o ne fo r b oys, it 's c le ar th ere a re n't a ny c hild re n liv in g h ere . J u st d ust.

"W e'v e g o t fiv e b ed ro om s a nd fiv e b ath ro om s o ver h ere in th e m ain h o use ." S he p oin ts o ut th e win d ow a nd I s e e a b ig b lu e s w im min g p ool, a nd b ehin d th at, anoth er h o use . M y h eart th um ps hard .

"A nd th en th ere 's th e p oolh o use o ut y o nd er," s h e s ig hs.

I'd ta k e a ny jo b I c an g et a t th is p oin t, b ut a b ig h o use lik e th is s h o uld p ay p le nty . A nd I d on't m in d bein g b usy. I a in 't a fr a id to w ork . " W hen y o u g o ne h ave y o u s o m e c hillu ns, s ta rt fillin g u p a ll th ese bed s? " I tr y to s m ile , lo ok fr ie nd ly .

"O h, w e'r e g o nna h ave s o m e k id s." S he c le ars h er th ro at, fid gets . " I m ean, k id s is th e o nly th in g worth liv in g fo r." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er fe et. A s e co nd p asse s b efo re s h e h ead s b ack to th e s ta ir s . I fo llo w b ehin d , n o tic in g h o w s h e h o ld s th e s ta ir r a il tig ht o n th e w ay d ow n, lik e s h e's a fr a id s h e m ig ht fa ll.

It's b ack in th e d in in g r o om th at M is s C elia s ta rts s h ak in g h er h ead . " It's a n a w fu l lo t to d o," s h e sa ys. " A ll th e b ed ro om s a nd th e flo ors . . ." "Y es m a'a m , it 's b ig ," I s a y, th in k in g if s h e s a w m y h o use w it h a c o t in th e h all a nd o ne to ile t fo r s ix behin d s, s h e'd p ro bab ly r u n. " B ut I g o t lo ts a e nerg y." ". . . a nd th en th ere 's a ll th is s ilv er to c le an." She o pens u p a s ilv er c lo se t th e s iz e o f m y liv in g r o om . S he fix es a c and le th at's tu rn ed fu nny o n th e cand ela b ra a nd I c an s e e w hy s h e's lo okin g s o d oub tfu l.

Afte r th e to w n g o t w ord o f M is s H illy 's lie s, th re e la d ie s in a r o w h ung u p o n m e th e m in ute I s a id my n am e. I r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e b lo w .

Say it , la dy. S ay w hat y o u t h in kin g a bout m e a nd y o ur silv er.

I fe el lik e c ry in g th in k in g a b out h o w th is jo b w ould s u it m e fin e a nd w hat M is s H illy 's d one to keep m e fr o m g ettin g it . I fix m y e yes o n th e w in d ow , h o pin g a nd p ra yin g th is is n 't w here th e in te rv ie w e nd s.

"I k no w , th o se w in d ow s a re a w fu l h ig h. I n ever tr ie d to c le an th em b efo re ." I le t m y b re ath g o . W in d ow s a re a h eck o f a lo t b ette r s u b je ct fo r m e th an s ilv er. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o win d ow s. I c le an M is s W alt e rs ' to p to b otto m e ver fo ur w eek s." "D id s h e h ave ju st th e o ne flo or o r a d oub le d eck er? " "W ell, o ne . . . b ut th ey's a lo t to it . O ld h o use s g o t a lo t a n o oks a nd c ra nnie s, y o u k no w ." Fin ally , w e g o b ack in th e k it c hen. W e b oth s ta re d ow n a t th e b re ak fa st ta b le , b ut n eit h er o ne o f u s sit s . I 'm g ettin g s o jit te ry w ond erin g w hat s h e's th in k in g, m y h ead s ta rts to s w eat.

"Y ou g o t a b ig , p re tty h o use ," I s a y. " A ll th e w ay o ut h ere in th e c o untr y . L ot a w ork to b e d one." She s ta rts fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g. " I g uess M is su s W alt e rs ' w as a lo t e asie r th an th is w ould be. I m ean, it 's ju st u s n o w , b ut w hen w e g et to h avin g k id s . . ." "Y ou, u h, g o t s o m e o th er m aid s y o u c o nsid erin g?" She s ig hs. " A b unch h ave c o m e o ut h ere . I ju st h aven't fo und ... th e r ig ht o ne y et." S he b it e s o n h er fin gern ails , s h if ts h er e yes a w ay.

I w ait fo r h er to s a y I 'm n o t th e r ig ht o ne e it h er, b ut w e ju st s ta nd th ere b re ath in g in th at flo ur. F in ally , I p la y m y la st c ard , w his p er it b ecause it 's a ll I g o t le ft.

"Y ou k no w , I o nly le ft M is s W alt e rs c ause s h e g o in g u p to th e r e st h o m e. S he d id n't fir e m e." But s h e ju st s ta re s d ow n a t h er b are fe et, b la ck -so le d b ecause h er flo ors h aven't b een s c ru b bed sin ce s h e m oved in th is b ig o ld d ir ty h o use . A nd it 's c le ar, th is la d y d oesn 't w ant m e.

"W ell, " s h e s a ys, " I a p pre cia te y o u d riv in g a ll th is w ay. C an I a t le ast g iv e y o u s o m e m oney fo r th e gas? " I p ic k u p m y p ock etb ook a nd th ru st it u p u nd er m y a rm pit . S he g iv es m e a c heery s m ile I c o uld wip e o ff w it h o ne s w at.

Dam n th at H illy H olb ro ok.

"N o m a'a m , n o , y o u c anno t." "I k new it w as g o nna b e a c ho re fin d in g s o m eo ne, b ut . . ." I s ta nd th ere lis te nin g to h er a ctin g a ll s o rry b ut I ju st th in k , Get it o ver w it h , la dy, s o I c a n t e ll Lero y w e g ot t o m ove a ll t h e w ay t o t h e N orth P ole n ex t t o S anty C la us w here n obody's h ea rd Hilly 's lie s a bout m e.

". . . a nd if I w ere y o u I w ould n't w ant to c le an th is b ig h o use e it h er." I lo ok a t h er s q uare o n. N ow th at's ju st e xcusin g h ers e lf a lit tle to o m uch, p re te nd in g M in ny a in 't gettin g th e jo b c ause M in ny d on't want th e jo b.

"W hen y o u h ear m e s a y I d on't w ant a c le an th is h o use ?" "It's a lr ig ht, fiv e m aid s h ave a lr e ad y to ld m e it 's to o m uch w ork ." I lo ok d ow n a t m y h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound , fiv e-fo ot- ze ro s e lf p ra ctic ally b ustin g o ut o f m y unif o rm . " T oo m uch fo r m e?" She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " Y ou . . . y o u'll d o it ? " "W hy y o u th in k I d ro ve a ll th e w ay o ut h ere to k in gd om c o m e, ju st to b urn g as? " I c la m p m y m outh sh ut.

Don't g o r u ir n in g t h is n ow , s h e o ffe rin g y o u a j a y-o -b ee.

" M is s C elia , I b e h ap py to w ork fo r y o u." She la ughs a nd th e c ra zy w om an g o es to h ug m e, b ut I s te p b ack a lit tle , le t h er k no w th at's n o t th e kin d o f th in g I d o.

"H ang o n n o w , w e g o t to ta lk a b out s o m e th in gs fir s t. Y ou g o t to te ll m e w hat d ays y o u w ant m e here a nd ... a nd th at k in d a th in g." Lik e h ow m uch y o u p ayin g.

"I g uess . . . w henever y o u fe el lik e c o m in g," s h e s a ys.

"F or M is s W alt e rs I w ork S und ay th ro ugh F rid ay." Mis s C elia c hew s s o m e m ore o n h er p in k p in k y-n ail. " Y ou c an't c o m e h ere o n w eek end s." "A lr ig ht." I n eed th e d ays, b ut m ayb e la te r o n s h e'll le t m e d o s o m e p arty s e rv in g o r w hatn o t.

"M ond ay th ro ugh F rid ay th en. N ow , w hat tim e y o u w ant m e h ere in th e m orn in g?" "W hat tim e d o y o u w ant to c o m e in ?" I'v e n ever h ad th is c ho ic e b efo re . I fe el m y e yes n arro w u p . " H ow b out e ig ht. T hat's w hen M is s Walt e rs u se d to g et m e in ." "A lr ig ht, e ig ht's r e al g o od." T hen s h e s ta nd s th ere lik e s h e's w ait in g fo r m y n ext c heck er m ove.

"N ow y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e w hat tim e I g o t to le ave." "W hat tim e?" a sk s C elia .

I r o ll m y e yes a t h er. " M is s C elia , y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e th at. T hat's th e w ay it w ork s." She s w allo w s, lik e s h e's tr y in g r e al h ard to g et th is d ow n. I ju st w ant to g et th ro ugh th is b efo re s h e changes h er m in d a b out m e.

"H ow b out fo ur o 'c lo ck ?" I s a y. " I w ork e ig ht to fo ur a nd I g ets s o m e tim e fo r lu nch o r w hat- h ave- yo u." "T hat's ju st fin e." "N ow . . . w e g o t to ta lk b out p ay," I s a y a nd m y to es s ta rt w rig glin g in m y s h o es. I t m ust n o t b e much if fiv e m aid s a lr e ad y s a id n o .

Neit h er o ne o f u s s a ys a nyth in g.

"N ow c o m e o n, M is s C elia . W hat y o ur h usb and s a y y o u c an p ay?" She lo oks o ff a t th e V eg-O -M atic I b et s h e c an't e ven u se a nd s a ys, " J o hnny d oesn 't k no w ." "A lr ig ht th en. A sk h im to nig ht w hat h e w ants to p ay." "N o, J o hnny d oesn 't k no w I 'm b rin gin g in h elp ." My c hin d ro ps d ow n to m y c hest. " W hat y o u m ean h e d on't k no w ?" "I a m not te llin g J o hnny." H er b lu e e yes a re b ig , lik e s h e's s c are d to d eath o f h im .

"A nd w hat's M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd fin d a c o lo re d w om an u p in h is k it c hen?" "I'm s o rry , I ju st c an't - -" "I'll te ll y o u w hat h e's g o ne d o, h e's g o ne g et th at p is to l a nd s h o ot M in ny d ead r ig ht h ere o n th is n o - wax flo or." Mis s C elia s h ak es h er h ead . " I'm n o t te llin g h im ." "T hen I g o t to g o ," I s a y.

Shit . I k new it . I k new s h e w as c ra zy w hen I w alk ed in t h e d oor -- "It's n o t th at I 'd b e fib bin g to h im . I ju st n eed a m aid --" "A c o urs e y o u n eed a m aid . L ast o ne d one g o t s h o t in th e h ead ." "H e n ever c o m es h o m e d urin g th e d ay. J u st d o th e h eavy c le anin g a nd te ach m e h o w to fix s u p per and it 'll o nly ta k e a fe w m onth s--" My n o se p ric k le s fr o m s o m eth in g b urn in g. I s e e a w aft o f s m oke c o m in g fr o m th e o ven. " A nd th en what, y o u g o ne fir e m e a fte r th em fe w m onth s? " "T hen I 'll . . . te ll h im ," s h e s a y b ut s h e's fr o w nin g a t th e th o ught. " P le ase , I w ant h im to th in k I c an do it o n m y o w n. I w ant h im to th in k I 'm . . . w orth th e tr o ub le ." "M is s C elia . . ." I s h ak e m y h ead , n o t b elie vin g I 'm a lr e ad y a rg uin g w it h th is la d y a nd I h aven't work ed h ere tw o m in ute s. " I th in k y o u d one b urn ed u p y o ur c ak e." She g ra b s a r a g a nd r u sh es to th e o ven a nd je rk s th e c ak e o ut. " O ww! D aw go n it ! " I s e t m y p ock etb ook d ow n, s id le h er o ut o f th e w ay. " Y ou c an't u se n o w et to w el o n a h o t p an." I g ra b a d ry r a g a nd ta k e th at b la ck c ak e o ut th e d oor, s e t it d ow n o n th e c o ncre te s te p .

Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n a t h er b urn ed h and . " M is su s W alt e rs s a id y o u w ere a r e al g o od c o ok." "T hat o ld w om an e at tw o b utte rb eans a nd s a y s h e fu ll. I c o uld n't g et h er to e at n o th in g." "H ow m uch w as s h e p ayin g y o u?" "D olla r a n h o ur," I s a y, fe elin g k in d o f a sh am ed . F iv e y ears a nd n o t e ven m in im um w age.

"T hen I 'll p ay y o u tw o." And I fe el a ll th e b re ath s lip o ut o f m e.

"W hen M is te r J o hnny g et o ut th e h o use in th e m orn in g?" I a sk , c le anin g u p th e b utte rs tic k m elt in g rig ht o n th e c o unte r, n o t e ven a p la te u nd er it .

"S ix . H e c an't s ta nd to d o-d ad a ro und h ere v ery lo ng. T hen h e h ead s b ack fr o m h is r e al e sta te o ffic e ab out fiv e." I d o s o m e fig urin g a nd e ven w it h th e fe w er h o urs it 'd b e m ore p ay. B ut I c an't g et p aid if I g et s h o t dead . " I'll le ave a t th re e th en. G iv e m yse lf tw o h o urs c o m in g a nd g o in g s o I c an s ta y o ut a h is w ay." "G ood." S he n o ds. " It's b est to b e s a fe ." On th e b ack s te p , M is s C elia d um ps th e c ak e in a p ap er s a ck . " I'll h ave to b ury th is in th e w aste b in so h e w on't k no w I 'v e b urn ed u p a no th er o ne." I ta k e th e b ag o ut o f h er h and s. " M is te r J o hnny a in 't s e ein g n o th in g. I 'll th ro w it o ut a t m y h o use ." "O h, th ank y o u." M is s C elia s h ak es h er h ead lik e th at's th e n ic est th in g a nyo ne's e ver d one fo r h er.

She h o ld s h er h and s in tig ht lit tle fis ts u nd er h er c hin . I w alk o ut to m y c ar.

I s it in th e s a ggin g s e at o f th e F ord L ero y's s till p ayin g h is b oss tw elv e d olla rs e very w eek fo r. R elie f hit s m e. I h ave fin ally g o tte n m yse lf a jo b. I d on't h ave to m ove to th e N orth P ole . W on't S anty Cla us b e d is a p poin te d .

"S IT D O W N O n Y O UR B EH IN D, M in ny, b ecause I 'm a b out to te ll y o u th e r u le s fo r w ork in g in a Whit e L ad y's h o use ." I w as fo urte en y ears o ld to th e d ay. I s a t a t th e lit tle w ooden ta b le in m y m am a's k it c hen e yein g th at cara m el c ak e o n th e c o olin g r a ck , w ait in g to b e ic ed . B ir th d ays w ere th e o nly d ay o f th e y ear I w as allo w ed to e at a s m uch a s I w ante d .

I w as a b out to q uit s c ho ol a nd s ta rt m y fir s t r e al jo b. M am a w ante d m e to s ta y o n a nd g o to n in th gra d e--sh e'd a lw ays w ante d to b e a s c ho olt e acher in ste ad o f w ork in g in M is s W oodra 's h o use . B ut wit h m y s is te r's h eart p ro ble m a nd m y n o -g o od d ru nk d ad dy, it w as u p to m e a nd M am a. I a lr e ad y knew a b out h o use w ork . A fte r s c ho ol, I d id m ost o f th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. B ut if I w as g o in g off to w ork in s o m eb ody e ls e 's h o use , w ho 'd b e lo okin g a fte r o urs ?

Mam a tu rn ed m e b y th e s h o uld ers s o I 'd lo ok a t h er in ste ad o f th e c ak e. M am a w as a c ra ck -w hip . She w as p ro per. S he to ok n o th in g fr o m n o body. S he s h o ok h er fin ger s o c lo se to m y fa ce, it m ad e me c ro ss-e yed .

"R ule N um ber O ne fo r w ork in g fo r a w hit e la d y, M in ny: it is n o body's b usin ess. Y ou k eep y o ur n o se out o f y o ur W hit e L ad y's p ro ble m s, y o u d on't g o c ry in g to h er w it h y o urs --y o u c an't p ay th e lig ht bill? Y our fe et a re to o s o re ? R em em ber o ne th in g: w hit e p eo ple a re n o t y o ur fr ie nd s. T hey d on't want to h ear a b out it . A nd w hen M is s W hit e L ad y c atc hes h er m an w it h th e la d y n ext d oor, y o u keep o ut o f it , y o u h ear m e?

"R ule N um ber T w o: d on't y o u ev er le t th at W hit e L ad y fin d y o u s it tin g o n h er to ile t. I d on't c are if yo u'v e g o t to g o s o b ad it 's c o m in g o ut o f y o ur h air b ra id s. I f th ere 's n o t o ne o ut b ack fo r th e h elp , yo u fin d y o urs e lf a tim e w hen s h e's n o t th ere in a b ath ro om s h e d oesn 't u se .

"R ule N um ber T hre e--" M am a je rk ed m y c hin b ack a ro und to fa ce h er b ecause th at c ak e h ad lu re d me in a gain . " R ule N um ber T hre e: w hen y o u'r e c o okin g w hit e p eo ple 's fo od, y o u ta ste it w it h a dif fe re nt s p oon. Y ou p ut th at s p oon to y o ur m outh , th in k n o body's lo okin g, p ut it b ack in th e p ot, mig ht a s w ell th ro w it o ut.

"R ule N um ber F our: Y ou u se th e s a m e c up , s a m e fo rk , s a m e p la te e very d ay. K eep it in a s e p ara te cup board a nd te ll th at w hit e w om an th at's th e o ne y o u'll u se fr o m h ere o n o ut.

"R ule N um ber F iv e: y o u e at in th e k it c hen.

"R ule N um ber S ix : y o u d on't h it o n h er c hild re n. W hit e p eo ple lik e to d o th eir o w n s p ank in g." "R ule N um ber S even: th is is th e la st o ne, M in ny. A re y o u lis te nin g to m e? N o s a ss-m outh in g." "M am a, I k no w h o w --" "O h, I h ear y o u w hen y o u th in k I c an't , m utte rin g a b out h avin g to c le an th e s to vep ip e, a b out th e la st lit tle p ie ce o f c hic k en le ft fo r p oor M in ny. Y ou s a ss a w hit e w om an in th e m orn in g, y o u'll b e s a ssin g out o n th e s tr e et in th e a fte rn o on." I s a w th e w ay m y m am a a cte d w hen M is s W oodra b ro ught h er h o m e, a ll Y es M a'a m in g, N o Ma'a m in g, I s u re d o th ank y o u M a'a m in g.

Why I g ot t o b e lik e t h at? I k now h ow t o s ta nd u p t o peo ple .

"N ow c o m e h ere a nd g iv e y o ur m am a a h ug o n y o ur b ir th d ay--L ord , y o u a re h eavy a s a h o use , Min ny." "I a in 't e ate n a ll d ay, w hen c an I h ave m y c ak e?" "D on't s a y a in 't , y o u s p eak p ro perly n o w . I d id n't r a is e y o u to ta lk lik e a m ule ." Fir s t d ay a t m y W hit e L ad y's h o use , I a te m y h am s a nd w ic h in th e k it c hen, p ut m y p la te u p in m y sp ot in th e c up board . W hen th at lit tle b ra t s to le m y p ock etb ook a nd h id it in th e o ven, I d id n't who op h er o n th e b ehin d .

But w hen th e W hit e L ad y s a id : " N ow I w ant y o u to b e s u re a nd h and w ash a ll th e c lo th es fir s t, th en put th em in th e e le ctr ic m achin e to fin is h u p ." I s a id : " W hy I g o t to h and w ash w hen th e p ow er w ash er g o ne d o th e jo b? T hat's th e b ig gest w aste a tim e I e ver h eard o f." That W hit e L ad y s m ile d a t m e, a nd fiv e m in ute s la te r, I w as o ut o n th e s tr e et.

WORK IN G F O R M is s C ELIA , I 'll g et to s e e m y k id s o ff to S pann E le m enta ry in th e m orn in g a nd still g et h o m e in th e e venin g w it h tim e to m yse lf . I h aven't h ad a n ap s in ce K in d ra w as b orn in 1 957, but w it h th ese h o urs --e ig ht to th re e--I c o uld h ave o ne e very d ay if th at w as m y id ea o f a fin e tim e.

Sin ce n o b us g o es a ll th e w ay o ut to M is s C elia 's , I h ave to ta k e L ero y's c ar.

"Y ou a in 't ta k in g m y c ar e very d ay, w om an, w hat if I g et th e d ay s h if t a nd n eed to --" "S he p ayin g m e s e venty d olla rs c ash e very F rid ay, L ero y." "M ayb e I ta k e S ugar's b ik e." On T uesd ay, th e d ay a fte r th e in te rv ie w , I p ark th e c ar d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m M is s C elia 's h o use , aro und a c urv e s o y o u c an't s e e it . I w alk fa st o n th e e m pty r o ad a nd u p th e d riv e. N o o th er c ars co m e b y.

"I'm h ere , M is s C elia ." I s tic k m y h ead in h er b ed ro om th at fir s t m orn in g a nd th ere s h e is , p ro pped up o n th e c o vers w it h h er m ak eup p erfe ct a nd h er tig ht F rid ay-n ig ht c lo th es o n e ven th o ugh it 's Tuesd ay, r e ad in g th e tr a sh in th e Holly w ood D ig est lik e it 's th e H oly B .

"G ood m orn in g, M in ny! I t's r e al g o od to s e e y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd I b ris tle , h earin g a w hit e la d y b ein g so fr ie nd ly .

I lo ok a ro und th e b ed ro om , s iz in g u p th e jo b. I t's b ig , w it h c re am -c o lo re d c arp et, a y ello w k in g cano py b ed , tw o fa t y ello w c hair s . A nd it 's n eat, w it h n o c lo th es o n th e flo or. T he s p re ad 's m ad e u p und ern eath h er. T he b la nk et o n th e c hair 's fo ld ed n ic e. B ut I w atc h, I lo ok. I c an fe el it . S om eth in g's wro ng.

"W hen c an w e g et to o ur fir s t c o okin g le sso n?" s h e a sk s. " C an w e s ta rt to day?" "I r e ck on in a fe w d ays, a fte r y o u g o to th e s to re a nd p ic k u p w hat w e n eed ." She th in k s a b out th is a s e co nd , s a ys, " M ayb e y o u o ught to g o , M in ny, s in ce y o u k no w w hat to b uy and a ll. " I lo ok a t h er. M ost w hit e w om en lik e to d o th eir o w n s h o ppin g. " A lr ig ht, I g o in th e m orn in g, th en." I s p ot a s m all p in k s h ag r u g s h e's p ut o n to p o f th e c arp et n ext to th e b ath ro om d oor. K in d o f c atty - co rn ere d . I 'm n o d eco ra to r, b ut I k no w a p in k r u g d oesn 't m atc h a y ello w r o om .

"M is s C elia , fo re I g et g o in g h ere , I n eed to k no w . E xactly w hen y o u p la nnin g o n te llin g M is te r Jo hnny b out m e?" She e yes th e m agazin e in h er la p . " In a fe w m onth s, I r e ck on. I o ught to k no w h o w to c o ok a nd s tu ff by th en." "B y a fe w , is y o u m eanin g tw o?" She b it e s h er lip stic k y lip s. " I w as th in k in g m ore lik e . . . fo ur." Say w hat?

I 'm n o t w ork in g fo ur m onth s lik e a n e sc ap ed c rim in al. " Y ou a in 't g o ne te ll h im till 1 963?

No m a'a m , befo re C hris tm as." She s ig hs. " A lr ig ht. B ut r ig ht b efo re ." I d o s o m e fig urin g. " T hat's a h und re d a nd . . . s ix te en d ays th en. Y ou g o ne te ll h im . A h und re d a nd six te en d ays fr o m n o w ." She g iv es m e a w orrie d fr o w n. I g uess s h e d id n't e xp ect th e m aid to b e s o g o od a t m ath . F in ally s h e sa ys, " O kay." Then I te ll h er s h e n eed s to g o o n in th e liv in g r o om , le t m e d o m y w ork in h ere . W hen s h e's g o ne, I eyeb all th e r o om , a t h o w n eat it a ll lo oks. R eal s lo w , I o pen h er c lo se t a nd ju st lik e I th o ught, fo rty - fiv e th in gs fa ll d ow n o n m y h ead . T hen I lo ok u nd er th e b ed a nd fin d e no ugh d ir ty c lo th es to w here I bet s h e's h asn 't w ash ed in m onth s.

Every d ra w er is a w re ck , e very h id den c ra nny fu ll o f d ir ty c lo th es a nd w ad ded -u p s to ck in gs. I fin d fif te en b oxes o f n ew s h ir ts fo r M is te r J o hnny s o h e w on't k no w s h e c an't w ash a nd ir o n. F in ally , I lif t up th at fu nny-lo okin g p in k s h ag r u g. U nd ern eath , th ere 's a b ig , d eep s ta in th e c o lo r o f r u st. I sh ud der.

TH AT A FTER N OON, M is s C elia a nd I m ak e a lis t o f w hat to c o ok th at w eek , a nd th e n ext morn in g I d o th e g ro cery s h o ppin g. B ut it ta k es m e tw ic e a s lo ng b ecause I h ave to d riv e a ll th e w ay to th e w hit e J it n ey J u ngle in to w n in ste ad o f th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly b y m e s in ce I fig ure s h e w on't eat fo od fr o m a c o lo re d g ro cery s to re a nd I r e ck on I d on't b la m e h er, w it h th e p ota to es h avin g in ch- lo ng e yes a nd th e m ilk a lm ost s o ur. W hen I g et to w ork , I 'm r e ad y to fig ht w it h h er o ver a ll th e re aso ns I 'm la te , b ut th ere M is s C elia is o n th e b ed lik e b efo re , s m ilin g lik e it d oesn 't m atte r. A ll dre sse d u p a nd g o in g n o w here . F or fiv e h o urs s h e s it s th ere , r e ad in g th e m agazin es. T he o nly tim e I se e h er g et u p is fo r a g la ss o f m ilk o r to p ee. B ut I d on't a sk . I 'm ju st th e m aid .

Afte r I c le an th e k it c hen, I g o in th e fo rm al liv in g r o om . I s to p in th e d oorw ay a nd g iv e th at g riz zly bear a g o od lo ng s ta re . H e's s e ven fe et ta ll a nd b arin g h is te eth . H is c la w s a re lo ng, c urle d , w it c hy- lo okin g. A t h is fe et la ys a b one-h and le d h untin g k nif e . I g et c lo se r a nd s e e h is fu r's n ap py w it h d ust.

There 's a c o bw eb b etw een h is ja w s.

Fir s t, I s w at a t th e d ust w it h m y b ro om , b ut it 's th ic k , m atte d u p in h is fu r. A ll th is d oes is m ove th e dust a ro und . S o I ta k e a c lo th a nd tr y a nd w ip e h im d ow n, b ut I s q uaw k e very tim e th at w ir y h air to uches m y h and .

Whit e p eo ple . I m ean, I h ave c le aned e very th in g fr o m r e fr ig era to rs to r e ar e nd s but w hat m ak es th at la d y th in k I k no w h o w to c le an a d am n g riz zly b ear?

I g o g et th e H oover. I s u ck th e d ir t o ff a nd e xcep t fo r a fe w s p ots w here I s u ck ed to o h ard a nd th in ned h im , I th in k it w ork ed o ut p re tty g o od.

Afte r I 'm d one w it h th e b ear, I d ust th e fa ncy b ooks n o body r e ad s, th e C onfe d era te c o at b utto ns, th e s ilv er p is to l. O n a ta b le is a g o ld p ic tu re fr a m e o f M is s C elia a nd M is te r J o hnny a t th e a lt a r a nd I lo ok c lo se to s e e w hat k in d o f m an h e is . I 'm h o pin g h e's fa t a nd s h o rt- le gged in c ase it c o m es to ru nnin g, b ut h e's n o t a nyw here c lo se . H e's s tr o ng, ta ll, th ic k . A nd h e's n o s tr a nger e it h er. L ord . H e's th e o ne w ho w ent s te ad y w it h M is s H illy a ll th o se y ears w hen I fir s t w ork ed fo r M is s W alt e rs . I never m et h im , b ut I s a w h im e no ugh tim es to b e s u re . I s h iv er, m y fe ars tr ip lin g. B ecause th at a lo ne sa ys m ore a b out th at m an th an a nyth in g.

AT O NE O 'C LO CK , M is s C elia c o m es in th e k it c hen a nd s a ys s h e's r e ad y fo r h er fir s t c o okin g le sso n. S he s e ttle s o n a s to ol. S he's w earin g a tig ht r e d s w eate r a nd a r e d s k ir t a nd e no ugh m ak eup to s c are a h o oker.

"W hat y o u k no w h o w to c o ok a lr e ad y?" I a sk .

She th in k s th is o ver, w rin k lin g h er fo re head . " M ayb e w e c o uld ju st s ta rt a t th e b egin nin g." "M ust b e s o m eth in g y o u k no w . W hat y o ur m am a te ach y o u g ro w in g u p ?" She lo oks d ow n a t th e w eb by fe et o f h er p anty h o se , s a ys, " I c an c o ok c o rn p one." I c an't h elp b ut la ugh. " W hat e ls e y o u k no w h o w to d o s id es c o rn p one?" "I c an b oil p ota to es." H er v o ic e d ro ps e ven q uie te r. " A nd I c an d o g rit s . W e d id n't h ave e le ctr ic curre nt o ut w here I liv ed . B ut I 'm r e ad y to le arn r ig ht. O n a r e al s to veto p." Lord . I 'v e n ever m et a w hit e p ers o n w ors e o ff th an m e e xcep t fo r c ra zy M is te r W ally , liv es b ehin d th e C anto n fe ed s to re a nd e ats th e c at fo od.

"Y ou b een fe ed in g y o ur h usb and g rit s a nd c o rn p one e ver d ay?" Mis s C elia n o ds. " B ut y o u'll te ach m e to c o ok r ig ht, w on't y o u?" "I'll tr y ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever to ld a w hit e w om an w hat to d o a nd I d on't r e ally k no w h o w to sta rt. I p ull u p m y h o se , th in k a b out it . F in ally , I p oin t to th e c an o n th e c o unte r.

"I r e ck on if th ere 's a nyth in g y o u o ught a k no w a b out c o okin g, it 's th is ." "T hat's ju st la rd , a in 't it ? " "N o, it a in 't ju st la rd ," I s a y. " It's th e m ost im porta nt in ventio n in th e k it c hen s in ce ja rre d mayo nnais e ." "W hat's s o s p ecia l a b out" - -sh e w rin k le s h er n o se a t it - -"p ig fa t? " "A in 't pig , it 's v egeta b le ." W ho in th is w orld d oesn 't k no w w hat C ris c o is ? " Y ou d on't h ave a c lu e o f all th e th in gs y o u c an d o w it h th is h ere c an." She s h ru gs. " F ry ?" "A in 't ju st fo r fr y in g. Y ou e ver g et a s tic k y s o m eth in g s tu ck in y o ur h air , lik e g um ?" I ja ck ham mer m y fin ger o n th e C ris c o c an. " T hat's r ig ht, C ris c o . S pre ad th is o n a b ab y's b otto m , y o u w on't e ven kno w w hat d ia p er r a sh is ." I p lo p th re e s c o ops in th e b la ck s k ille t. " S ho ot, I s e en la d ie s r u b it u nd er th ey e yes a nd o n th ey h usb and 's s c aly fe et." "L ook h o w p re tty it is ," s h e s a ys. " L ik e w hit e c ak e fr o stin g." "C le an th e g o o fr o m a p ric e ta g, ta k e th e s q ueak o ut a d oor h in ge. L ig hts g et c ut o ff, s tic k a w ic k in it a nd b urn it lik e a c and le ." I tu rn o n th e fla m e a nd w e w atc h it m elt d ow n in th e p an. " A nd a fte r a ll th at, it 'll s till fr y y o ur chic k en." "A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys, c o ncentr a tin g h ard . " W hat's n ext? " "C hic k en's b een s o ak in g in th e b utte rm ilk ," I s a y. " N ow m ix u p th e d ry ." I p our flo ur, s a lt , m ore s a lt , pep per, p ap rik a, a nd a p in ch o f c ayenne in to a d oub le d p ap er s a ck .

"N ow . P ut th e c hic k en p arts in th e b ag a nd s h ak e it ." Mis s C elia p uts a r a w c hic k en th ig h in , b um ps th e b ag a ro und . " L ik e th is ? J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n Bak e c o m merc ia ls o n th e te e-v ee?" "Y eah," I s a y a nd r u n m y to ngue u p o ver m y te eth b ecause if th at's n o t a n in su lt , I d on't k no w w hat is . " J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n B ak e." B ut th en I fr e eze . I h ear th e s o und o f a c ar m oto r o ut o n th e r o ad . I ho ld s till a nd lis te n. I s e e M is s C elia 's e yes a re b ig a nd s h e's lis te nin g to o. W e'r e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: W hat if it 's h im a nd w here w ill I h id e?

The c ar m oto r p asse s. W e b oth b re ath e a gain .

"M is s C elia ," I g rit m y te eth , " h o w c o m e y o u c an't te ll y o ur h usb and a b out m e? A in 't h e g o ne k no w when th e c o okin g g ets g o od?" "O h, I d id n't th in k o f th at! M ayb e w e o ught to b urn th e c hic k en a lit tle ." I lo ok a t h er s id ew ays. I a in 't b urn in g n o c hic k en. S he d id n't a nsw er th e r e al q uestio n, b ut I 'll g et it out o f h er s o on e no ugh.

Real c are fu l, I la y th e d ark m eat in th e p an. I t b ub ble s u p lik e a s o ng a nd w e w atc h th e th ig hs a nd le gs tu rn b ro w n. I lo ok o ver a nd M is s C elia 's s m ilin g a t m e.

"W hat? S om eth in g o n m y fa ce?" "N o," s h e s a ys, te ars c o m in g u p in h er e yes. S he to uches m y a rm . " I'm ju st r e al g ra te fu l y o u'r e h ere ." I m ove m y a rm b ack fr o m u nd er h er h and . " M is s C elia , y o u g o t a lo t m ore to b e g ra te fu l fo r th an me." "I k no w ." S he lo oks a t h er fa ncy k it c hen lik e it 's s o m eth in g th at ta ste s b ad . " I n ever d re am ed I 'd have th is m uch." "W ell, a in 't y o u lu ck y." "I'v e n ever b een h ap pie r in m y w ho le lif e ." I le ave it a t th at. U nd ern eath a ll th at h ap py, s h e s u re d oesn 't lo ok h ap py.

TH AT N IG HT, I c all A IB IL EEN .

"M is s H illy w as a t M is s L eefo lt 's y este rd ay," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a sk if a nyb ody k new w here y o u was w ork in g." "L ord y, s h e fin d m e o ut th ere , s h e r u ir n it fo r s u re ." I t's b een tw o w eek s s in ce th e T errib le A w fu l Thin g I d id to th at w om an. I k no w s h e'd ju st lo ve to s e e m e fir e d o n th e s p ot.

"W hat L ero y s a y w hen y o u to ld h im y o u g o t th e jo b?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"S ho ot. H e s tr u t a ro und th e k it c hen lik e a p lu m ed r o oste r c ause h e in fr o nt a th e k id s," I s a y. " A ct lik e h e th e o nly o ne s u p portin g th e fa m ily a nd I 'm ju st d oin g th is to k eep m y p oor s e lf e nte rta in ed .

Late r o n th o ugh, w e in b ed a nd I th o ught m y b ig o ld b ull fo r a h usb and g o ne c ry ." Aib ile en la ughs. " L ero y g o t a lo t a p rid e." "Y eah, I ju st g o t to m ak e s u re M is te r J o hnny d on't c atc h u p w it h m e." "A nd s h e a in 't to ld y o u w hy s h e d on't w ant h im to k no w ?" "A ll s h e s a y is s h e w ant h im to th in k s h e c an d o th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g h ers e lf . B ut th at a in 't why. S he h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im ." "A in 't it fu nny h o w th is w ork ed o ut. M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body, e ls e it 'll g et b ack to M is te r J o hnny.

So M is s H illy w on't fin d o ut, c ause M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body. Y ou c o uld n't a fix ed it u p b ette r yo urs e lf ." "M m-h m m" is a ll I s a y. I d on't w ant to s o und u ngra te fu l, s in ce A ib ile en's th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut I c an't h elp b ut th in k th at I 'v e ju st d oub le d m y tr o ub le , w hat w it h M is s H illy a nd n o w M is te r Jo hnny to o.

"M in ny, I b een m eanin g to a sk y o u." A ib ile en c le ars h er th ro at. " Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " "T all o ne, u se d to c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs fo r b rid ge?" "Y eah, w hat y o u th in k a b out h er? " "I d on't k no w , s h e w hit e ju st lik e th e r e st o f e m . W hy? W hat s h e s a y a b out m e?" "N oth in g a b out y o u," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he ju st . . . a fe w w eek s a go , I d on't k no w w hy I k eep th in k in g a b out it . S he a sk m e s o m eth in g. A sk d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. W hit e w om an n ever ask ed --" But th en L ero y s tu m ble s in fr o m th e b ed ro om w antin g h is c o ffe e b efo re h is la te s h if t.

"S ho ot, h e's u p ," I s a y. " T alk q uic k ." "N aw , n ever m in d . I t's n o th in g," A ib ile en s a ys.

"W hat? W hat's g o in g o n? W hat th at la d y te ll y o u?" "It w as ju st ja b ber. I t w as n o nse nse ." ch ap te r 4 M Y F IR ST W EEK a t M is s C elia 's , I s c ru b th e h o use u ntil th ere is n 't a d ust r a g o r a s tr ip ped s h eet o r e ven a r u n p anty h o se le ft to w ip e w it h . S eco nd w eek , I s c ru b th e h o use a gain b ecause it 's lik e t h e d ir t g re w b ack . T hir d w eek , I a m s a tis fie d a nd s e ttle in m y w ays.

E very d ay, M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve I 'v e c o m e b ack to w ork . I 'm th e o nly th in g t h at in te rru p ts a ll th at q uie t a ro und h er. M y h o use is a lw ays fu ll o f fiv e k id s a nd n eig hb ors a nd a h usb and . M ost d ays w hen I c o m e in to M is s C elia 's , I a m g ra te fu l fo r th e p eace.

M y h o use k eep in g ta sk s fa ll o n th e s a m e d ay fo r e very jo b I ta k e: o n M ond ay, I o il u p th e fu rn it u re .

T uesd ay, I w ash a nd ir o n th e d am n s h eets , th e d ay I h ate . W ed nesd ay is fo r s c ru b bin g th e b ath tu b r e al g o od e ven th o ugh I w ip e it d ow n e very m orn in g. T hurs d ay is fo r p olis h in g flo ors a nd s u ck in g r u gs, m in d in g th e a ntiq ue o nes w it h a h and b ro om s o th ey d on't th re ad . F rid ay is h eavy c o okin g fo r t h e w eek end a nd w hat- h ave-y o u. A nd e very d ay is m oppin g, w ash in g c lo th es a nd ir o nin g s h ir ts s o t h ey d on't g o g ettin g o ut o f h and , a nd g enera lly k eep in g th in gs c le an. S ilv er a nd w in d ow s, th ey'r e a s n eed ed . S in ce th ere a re n't a ny k id s to lo ok a fte r, th ere 's a m ple tim e le ft fo r M is s C elia 's s o -c alle d c o okin g le sso n.

M is s C elia n ever d oes a ny e nte rta in in g, s o w e ju st fix w hate ver s h e a nd M is te r J o hnny a re h avin g fo r s u p per: p ork c ho ps, fr ie d c hic k en, r o ast b eef, c hic k en p ie , la m b r a ck , b ak ed h am , fr ie d to m ato es, m ash ed p ota to es, p lu s th e v egeta b le s. O r a t le ast I c o ok a nd M is s C elia fid gets , lo okin g m ore lik e a f iv e-y ear- o ld th an th e r ic h la d y p ayin g m y r e nt. W hen th e le sso n's o ver, s h e r u sh es b ack to la yin g d ow n. I n fa ct, th e o nly tim e M is s C elia w alk s te n fe et is to c o m e in th e k it c hen fo r h er le sso n o r to s n eak u p sta ir s e very tw o o r th re e d ays, u p in th e c re ep y r o om s.

I d on't k no w w hat s h e d oes fo r fiv e m in ute s o n th e s e co nd flo or. I d on't lik e it u p th ere th o ugh.

T ho se b ed ro om s s h o uld b e s ta ck ed fu ll o f k id s la ughin g a nd h o lle rin g a nd p oopin g u p th e p la ce. B ut i t 's n o ne o f m y b usin ess w hat M is s C elia d oes w it h h er d ay, a nd a sk m e, I 'm g la d s h e's s ta yin g o ut o f m y w ay. I 'v e fo llo w ed la d ie s a ro und w it h a b ro om in o ne h and a nd a tr a sh c an in th e o th er tr y in g to k eep u p w it h th eir m ess. A s lo ng a s s h e s ta ys in th at b ed , th en I 'v e g o t a jo b. E ven th o ugh s h e h as z e ro k id s a nd n o th in g to d o a ll d ay, s h e is th e la zie st w om an I 'v e e ver s e en.

In clu din g m y s is te r D ore ena w ho n ever lif te d a r o yal fin ger g ro w in g u p b ecause s h e h ad th e h eart d efe ct th at w e la te r f o und o ut w as a fly o n th e X -ra y m achin e.

A nd it 's n o t ju st th e b ed . M is s C elia w on't le ave th e house e xcep t to g et h er h air fr o ste d a nd h er e nd s tr im med . S o fa r, th at's o nly h ap pened o nce in th e th re e w eek s I 'v e b een w ork in g. T hir ty -six y ears o ld a nd I c an s till h ear m y m am a te llin g m e, It a in 't n obody's b usin ess.

B ut I w ant to k no w w hat th at la d y's s o s c are d o f o uts id e th is p la ce.

E V ERY P A Y DAY, I g iv e M is s C elia th e c o unt. " N in ety -n in e m ore d ays till y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny b out m e." "G olly , th e tim e's g o in g b y q uic k ," s h e'll s a y w it h k in d o f a s ic k lo ok.

"C at g o t o n th e p orc h th is m orn in g, b out g iv e m e a c ad illa c a rre st th in k in g it w as M is te r J o hnny." Lik e m e, M is s C elia g ets a lit tle m ore n erv o us th e c lo se r w e g et to th e d ead lin e. I d on't k no w w hat th at m an w ill d o w hen s h e te lls h im . M ayb e h e'll te ll h er to fir e m e.

"I h o pe th at's e no ugh tim e, M in ny. D o y o u th in k I 'm g ettin g a ny b ette r a t c o okin g?" s h e s a ys, a nd I lo ok a t h er. S he's g o t a p re tty s m ile , w hit e s tr a ig ht te eth , b ut s h e is th e w ors t c o ok I h ave e ver s e en.

So I b ack u p a nd te ach h er th e s im ple st th in gs b ecause I w ant h er to le arn a nd le arn it fa st. S ee, I need h er to e xp la in to h er h usb and w hy a h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound N egro w om an h as k eys to his h o use . I n eed h im to k no w w hy I h ave h is s te rlin g s ilv er a nd M is s C elia 's z illio n-k ara t r u b y earrin gs in m y h and e very d ay. I need h im to k no w th is b efo re h e w alk s in o ne fin e d ay a nd c alls th e polic e. O r s a ves a d im e a nd ta k es c are o f b usin ess h im se lf .

"G et th e h am h o ck o ut, m ak e s u re y o u g o t e no ugh w ate r in th ere , th at's r ig ht. N ow tu rn u p th e fla m e. S ee th at lit tle b ub ble th ere , th at m eans th e w ate r's h ap py." Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n in to th e p ot lik e s h e's lo okin g fo r h er fu tu re . " A re y o u h ap py, M in ny?" "W hy y o u a sk m e fu nny q uestio ns lik e th at? " "B ut a re y o u?" "C ours e I 's h ap py. Y ou h ap py to o. B ig h o use , b ig y ard , h usb and lo okin g a fte r y o u." I fr o w n a t M is s Celia a nd I m ak e s u re s h e c an s e e it . B ecause a in 't th at w hit e p eo ple fo r y o u, w ond erin g if th ey a re hap py en ough .

And w hen M is s C elia b urn s th e b eans, I tr y a nd u se s o m e o f th at s e lf - c o ntr o l m y m am a s w ore I w as born w it h o ut. " A lr ig ht," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth , " w e'll d o a no th er b atc h fo re M is te r J o hnny g et ho m e." Any o th er w om an I 'v e w ork ed fo r, I w ould 'v e lo ved to h ave h ad ju st o ne h o ur o f b ossin g th em aro und , s e e h o w th ey lik e it . B ut M is s C elia , th e w ay s h e s ta re s a t m e w it h th o se b ig e yes lik e I 'm th e b est th in g s in ce h air s p ra y in th e c an, I a lm ost r a th er s h e'd o rd er m e a ro und lik e s h e's s u p pose d to . I s ta rt to w ond er if h er la yin g d ow n a ll th e tim e h as a nyth in g to d o w it h h er n o t te llin g M is te r Jo hnny a b out m e. I g uess s h e c an s e e th e s u sp ic io us in m y e ye to o, b ecause o ne d ay, o ut o f th e b lu e sh e s a ys:

"I g et th ese n ig htm are s a lo t, th at I h ave to g o b ack to S ugar D it c h a nd liv e? T hat's w hy I la y d ow n so m uch." T hen s h e n o ds r e al fa st, lik e s h e's b een r e hears in g th is . " C ause I d on't s le ep r e al w ell a t nig ht." I g iv e h er a s tu p id s m ile , lik e I r e ally b elie ve th is , a nd g o b ack to w ip in g th e m ir ro rs .

"D on't d o it to o g o od. L eave s o m e s m ud ges." It's a lw ays s o m eth in g, m ir ro rs , flo ors , a d ir ty g la ss in th e s in k o r th e tr a sh c an fu ll. " W e'v e g o t to mak e it b elie vab le ," s h e'll s a y a nd I fin d m yse lf r e achin g fo r th at d ir ty g la ss a h und re d tim es to w ash it . I lik e th in gs c le an, p ut a w ay.

"I W IS H I C O ULD T EN D to th at a za le a b ush o ut th ere ," M is s C elia s a ys o ne d ay. S he's ta k en to la yin g o n th e c o uch w hile m y s to rie s a re o n, in te rru p tin g th e w ho le tim e. I 'v e b een tu ned in to The Guid in g L ig ht fo r tw enty -fo ur y ears , s in ce I w as te n y ears o ld a nd lis te nin g to it o n M am a's r a d io .

A D re ft c o m merc ia l c o m es o n a nd M is s C elia s ta re s o ut th e b ack w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d m an r a k in g up th e le aves. S he's g o t s o m any a za le a b ush es, h er y ard 's g o in g to lo ok lik e Gone W it h t h e W in d co m e s p rin g. I d on't lik e a za le as a nd I s u re d id n't lik e th at m ovie , th e w ay th ey m ad e s la very lo ok lik e a b ig h ap py te a p arty . I f I 'd p la yed M am my, I 'd o f to ld S carle tt to s tic k th o se g re en d ra p erie s u p her w hit e lit tle p ooper. M ak e h er o w n d am n m an-c atc hin g d re ss.

"A nd I k no w I c o uld m ak e th at r o se b ush b lo om if I p ru ned it b ack ," M is s C elia s a ys. " B ut th e fir s t th in g I 'd d o is c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e." "W hat's w ro ng w it h th at tr e e?" I p re ss th e c o rn er o f m y ir o n in to M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r- p oin t. I d on't even h ave a s h ru b , m uch le ss a tr e e, in m y e ntir e y ard .

"I d on't lik e th o se h air y flo w ers ." S he g aze s o ff lik e s h e's g o ne s o ft in th e h ead . " T hey lo ok lik e lit tle bab y h air s ." I g et th e c re ep ers w it h h er ta lk in g th at w ay. " Y ou k no w a b out flo w ers ? " She s ig hs. " I u se d to lo ve to te nd to m y flo w ers b ack in S ugar D it c h. I le arn ed to g ro w th in gs h o pin g I c o uld p re tty u p a ll th at u glin ess." "G o h ead o uts id e th en," I s a y, tr y in g n o t to s o und to o e xcit e d . " T ak e s o m e e xerc is e . G et s o m e fr e sh air ." Get o ut a h ere .

"N o," M is s C elia s ig hs. " I s h o uld n't b e r u nnin g a ro und o ut th ere . I n eed to b e s till. " It's r e ally s ta rtin g to ir rit a te m e h o w s h e n ever le aves th e h o use , h o w s h e s m ile s lik e th e m aid w alk in g in e very m orn in g is th e b est p art o f h er d ay. I t's lik e a n it c h. E very d ay I r e ach fo r it a nd c an't q uit e sc ra tc h it . E very d ay, it it c hes a lit tle w ors e . E very d ay s h e's th ere .

"M ayb e y o u o ught to g o m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s," I s a y. " L ot a la d ie s y o ur a ge in to w n." She fr o w ns u p a t m e. " I'v e b een tr y in g. I c an't te ll y o u th e u m pte en tim es I 'v e c alle d th o se la d ie s to se e if I c an h elp w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit o r d o s o m eth in g fr o m h o m e. B ut th ey w on't c all m e back . N one o f th em ." I d on't s a y a nyth in g to th is b ecause a in 't th at a s u rp ris e . W it h h er b oso m s h angin g o ut a nd h er h air co lo re d G old N ugget. "G o s h o ppin g th en. G o g et y o u s o m e n ew c lo th es. G o d o w hate ver w hit e w om en d o w hen th e maid 's h o m e." "N o, I th in k I 'll g o r e st a w hile ," s h e s a ys a nd tw o m in ute s la te r I h ear h er c re ep in g a ro und u p sta ir s in th e e m pty b ed ro om s.

The m im osa b ra nch k no ck s a gain st th e w in d ow a nd I ju m p, b urn m y th um b. I s q ueeze m y e yes s h ut to s lo w m y h eart. N in ety -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is m ess a nd I d on't k no w h o w I c an ta k e a m in ute more .

"M am a, fix m e s o m eth in g to e at. I 'm h ungry ." T hat's w hat m y y o ungest g ir l, K in d ra , w ho 's fiv e, s a id to m e la st n ig ht. W it h a h and o n h er h ip a nd h er fo ot s tu ck o ut.

I h ave fiv e k id s a nd I ta k e p rid e th at I ta ught th em yes m a'a m a nd ple a se b efo re th ey c o uld e ven sa y co okie .

All e xcep t o ne.

"Y ou a in 't h avin g n o th in g till s u p per," I to ld h er.

"W hy y o u s o m ean to m e? I hate y o u," s h e y elle d a nd r a n o ut th e d oor.

I s e t m y e yes o n th e c eilin g b ecause th at's a s h o ck I w ill n ever g et u se d to , e ven w it h fo ur b efo re h er.

The d ay y o ur c hild s a ys s h e h ate s y o u, a nd e very c hild w ill g o th ro ugh th e p hase , it k ic k s lik e a fo ot in th e s to m ach.

But K in d ra , L ord . I t's n o t ju st a p hase I 'm s e ein g. T hat g ir l is tu rn in g o ut ju st lik e m e.

I'm s ta nd in g in M is s C elia 's k it c hen th in k in g a b out la st n ig ht, w hat w it h K in d ra a nd h er m outh , B enny and h is a sth m a, m y h usb and L ero y c o m in g h o m e d ru nk tw o tim es la st w eek . H e k no w s th at's th e one th in g I c an't s ta nd a fte r n urs in g m y d ru nk d ad dy fo r te n y ears , m e a nd M am a w ork in g o urs e lv es to d eath s o h e h ad a fu ll b ottle . I g uess I o ught to b e m ore u p se t a b out a ll th is , b ut la st n ig ht, a s a n I'm s o rry , L ero y c am e h o m e w it h a s a ck o f e arly o kra . H e k no w s it 's m y fa vo rit e th in g to e at.

Tonig ht I 'm g o in g to fr y u p th at o kra in s o m e c o rn m eal a nd e at lik e m y m am a n ever le t m e.

That's n o t th e o nly tr e at to m y d ay e it h er. I t's O cto ber fir s t a nd h ere I a m p eelin g p eaches. M is te r Jo hnny's m am a b ro ught b ack tw o c ra te s fr o m M exic o , h eavy a s b ase b alls . T hey a re r ip e a nd s w eet and lik e c uttin g th ro ugh b utte r. I d on't ta k e c harit y fr o m w hit e la d ie s b ecause I know th ey ju st w ant me to o w e th em . B ut w hen M is s C elia to ld m e to ta k e a d oze n p eaches h o m e I p ulle d o ut a s a ck and p lo pped tw elv e r ig ht in . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'm e atin g fr ie d o kra fo r s u p per a nd p each co bble r fo r d esse rt.

I'm w atc hin g th e lo ng, fu zzy p eel fo ld d ow n in to M is s C elia 's b asin , p ayin g n o m in d a t a ll to th e driv ew ay. U su ally w hen I 'm s ta nd in g a t h er k it c hen s in k , I m ap o ut m y g eta w ay fr o m M is te r J o hnny.

The k it c hen's th e b est r o om fo r it b ecause th e fr o nt w in d ow lo oks o ut to th e s tr e et. T all a za le a bush es h id e m y fa ce, b ut I c an s e e th ro ugh e no ugh to s p ot a n a p pro acher. I f h e c am e in th e fr o nt door, th e b ack d oor w ould e sc ap e m e in to th e g ara ge. I f h e c am e in th e b ack , I c o uld s lip o ut th e fr o nt. A no th er d oor in th e k it c hen le ad s o ut to th e b ack yard , ju st in c ase . B ut w hat w it h th e ju ic e ru nnin g d ow n m y h and a nd m e n eara b out d ru nk o n th e b utte r s m ell, I a m lo st in a p each-p eelin g re verie . I d on't e ven n o tic e th e b lu e tr u ck p ull in .

The m an's m ad e it h alf w ay u p th e w alk b y th e tim e I lo ok u p . I c atc h a s liv er o f a w hit e s h ir t, th e varie ty o f w hic h I 'm u se d to ir o nin g e very d ay, a nd th e le g o f a p air o f k hak i p ants lik e I h ang u p in Mis te r J o hnny's c lo se t. I c ho ke o n a y elp . M y k nif e c la tte rs in th e s in k .

"M is s C elia !" I d ash in to h er b ed ro om . " M is te r J o hnny hom e !" Mis s C elia ju m ps o ut o f b ed fa ste r th an I 'v e s e en h er m ove b efo re . I tu rn a ro und in a n id io t c ir c le .

Where a m I g oin g? W hic h w ay d o I g o? W hat h appen ed t o m y g eta w ay p la n?

A nd th en I s n ap in to d ecis io n--th e g uest b ath ro om !

I s lip in a nd k eep th e d oor c ra ck ed . I c ro uch u p o n th e to ile t s e at s o h e c an't s e e m y fe et u nd er th e door. I t's d ark in h ere a nd h o t. I fe el lik e m y h ead 's o n fir e . S w eat d rip s o ff m y c hin a nd s p la ts o n th e flo or. I fe el s ic k b y th e th ic k s m ell o f g ard enia s o ap s b y th e s in k .

I h ear fo ots te p s. I h o ld m y b re ath .

The fo ots te p s s to p. M y h eart is th um pin g lik e a c at in a c lo th es d ry er. W hat if M is s C elia p re te nd s sh e d oesn 't k no w m e s o s h e w on't g et in tr o ub le ? A cts lik e I 'm a b urg la r? Oh, I h ate h er! I h ate th at s tu pid w om an!

I lis te n, b ut a ll I c an h ear is m y o w n p antin g. T he th ud -th ud in m y c hest. M y a nk le s h urt a nd c re ak , ho ld in g u p m y b ody lik e th is .

My e yes g ro w s h arp er in th e d ark . A fte r a m in ute , I s e e m yse lf in th e m ir ro r o ver th e s in k . C ro uched lik e a fo ol o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t.

Look a t m e. L ook w hat it 's c o m e to fo r M in ny J a ck so n to m ak e a d am n liv in g.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 5 I D RIV E M Y m am a's C ad illa c fa st o n th e g ra vel r o ad , h ead ed h o m e. P ats y C lin e c an't e ven b e h eard o n th e r a d io a nym ore , fo r a ll th e r o ck s b angin g th e s id e o f th e c ar. M oth er w ould b e fu rio us, b ut I ju st d riv e fa ste r. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out w hat H illy s a id to m e to day a t b rid ge c lu b .

H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I h ave b een b est fr ie nd s s in ce P ow er E le m enta ry . M y fa vo rit e p ho to gra p h is o f th e th re e o f u s s it tin g in th e fo otb all s ta nd s in ju nio r h ig h, a ll ja m med to geth er, s h o uld er to s h o uld er. W hat m ak es th e p ic tu re , th o ugh, is th at th e s ta nd s a re c o m ple te ly e m pty a ro und u s. W e s a t c lo se b ecause w e w ere c lo se .

A t O le M is s, H illy a nd I r o om ed to geth er fo r tw o y ears b efo re s h e le ft to g et m arrie d a nd I s ta yed o n to g ra d uate . I r o lle d th ir te en c urle rs in h er h air e very n ig ht a t th e C hi O mega h o use . B ut to day, s h e th re ate ned to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague. N ot th at I c are s o m uch a b out th e L eague, b ut I w as h urt b y h o w e asily m y fr ie nd w ould b e w illin g to c ast m e a sid e.

I tu rn u p th e la ne th at le ad s to L ongle af, m y fa m ily 's c o tto n p la nta tio n. T he g ra vel q uie ts to s m ooth , y ello w d ust a nd I s lo w d ow n b efo re M oth er s e es h o w fa st I 'm d riv in g. I p ull u p to th e h o use a nd g et o ut. M oth er is r o ck in g o n th e fr o nt p orc h.

" C om e s it , d arlin g," s h e s a ys, w avin g m e to w ard a r o ck in g c hair b esid e h er. " P asc ago ula 's ju st w axed th e flo ors . L et th em d ry a w hile ." " A lr ig ht, M am a." I k is s h er p ow dery c heek . B ut I d on't s it . I le an o n th e p orc h r a ilin g, lo ok o ut o n t h e th re e m ossy o ak tr e es in th e fr o nt y ard . E ven th o ugh it 's o nly fiv e m in ute s o uts id e o f to w n, m ost p eo ple c o nsid er th is th e c o untr y o ut h ere . S urro und in g o ur y ard lie te n th o usa nd a cre s o f D ad dy's c o tto n fie ld s, th e p la nts g re en a nd s tr o ng, ta ll a s m y w ais t. A fe w c o lo re d m en s it u nd er a d is ta nt s h ed , s ta rin g in to th e h eat. E very o ne is w ait in g fo r th e s a m e th in g, fo r th e c o tto n b olls to o pen.

I th in k a b out h o w th in gs a re d if fe re nt b etw een H illy a nd m e, s in ce I c am e h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. B ut w ho is th e d if fe re nt p ers o n, h er o r m e?

" D id I te ll y o u?" M oth er s a ys. " F anny P eatr o w g o t e ngaged ." " G ood fo r F anny." " N ot e ven a m onth a fte r s h e g o t th at te lle r jo b a t th e F arm er's B ank ." " T hat's g re at, M oth er." " I k no w ," s h e s a ys, a nd I tu rn to s e e o ne o f th o se lig htb ulb -p oppin g lo oks o f h ers . " W hy d on't y o u g o d ow n to th e b ank a nd a p ply fo r a te lle r jo b?" " I d on't w ant to b e a b ank te lle r, M am a." M oth er s ig hs, n arro w s h er e yes a t th e s p anie l, S helb y, lic k in g h is n eth er p arts . I e ye th e fr o nt d oor, t e m pte d to r u in th e c le an flo ors a nyw ay. W e'v e h ad th is c o nvers a tio n s o m any tim es.

" F our y ears m y d aughte r g o es o ff to c o lle ge a nd w hat d oes s h e c o m e h o m e w it h ?" s h e a sk s. "A d ip lo m a?" "A p re tty p ie ce o f p ap er," M oth er s a ys.

"I to ld y o u. I d id n't m eet a nyb ody I w ante d to m arry ," I s a y.

Moth er r is e s fr o m h er c hair , c o m es c lo se s o I 'll lo ok h er in h er s m ooth , p re tty fa ce. S he's w earin g a navy b lu e d re ss, n arro w a lo ng h er s lim b ones. A s u su al h er lip stic k is ju st s o , b ut w hen s h e s te p s in to th e b rig ht a fte rn o on s u n, I s e e d ark s ta in s, d eep a nd d rie d , o n th e fr o nt o f h er c lo th es. I s q uin t m y eyes, tr y in g to s e e if th e s ta in s a re r e ally th ere . " M am a? A re y o u fe elin g b ad ?" "If y o u'd ju st s h o w a lit tle g um ptio n, E ugenia --" "Y our d re ss is a ll d ir ty o n th e fr o nt." Moth er c ro sse s h er a rm s. " N ow , I ta lk ed to F anny's m oth er a nd s h e s a id F anny w as p ra ctic ally sw im min g in o pportu nit ie s o nce s h e g o t th at jo b." I d ro p th e d re ss is su e. I 'll n ever b e a b le to te ll M oth er I w ant to b e a w rit e r. S he'll o nly tu rn it in to yet a no th er th in g th at s e p ara te s m e fr o m th e m arrie d g ir ls . N or c an I te ll h er a b out C harle s G ra y, m y math s tu d y p artn er la st s p rin g, a t O le M is s. H ow h e'd g o tte n d ru nk s e nio r y ear a nd k is se d m e a nd th en s q ueeze d m y h and s o h ard it s h o uld 'v e h urt b ut it d id n't , it fe lt w ond erfu l th e w ay h e w as ho ld in g m e a nd lo okin g in to m y e yes. A nd th en h e m arrie d fiv e-fo ot J e nny S prig .

What I n eed ed to d o w as fin d a n a p artm ent in to w n, th e k in d o f b uild in g w here s in gle , p la in g ir ls liv ed , s p in ste rs , s e cre ta rie s, te achers . B ut th e o ne tim e I h ad m entio ned u sin g m oney fr o m m y tr u st fu nd , M oth er h ad c rie d --re al te ars . " T hat is n o t w hat th at m oney's fo r, E ugenia . T o liv e in s o m e ro om in g h o use w it h s tr a nge c o okin g s m ells a nd s to ck in gs h angin g o ut th e w in d ow . A nd w hen th e money r u ns o ut, w hat th en? W hat w ill y o u liv e o n?" T hen s h e'd d ra p ed a c o ld c lo th o n h er h ead a nd go ne to b ed fo r th e d ay.

And n o w s h e's g rip pin g th e r a il, w ait in g to s e e if I 'll d o w hat fa t F anny P eatr o w d id to s a ve h ers e lf .

My o w n m oth er is lo okin g a t m e a s if I c o m ple te ly b affle h er m in d w it h m y lo oks, m y h eig ht, m y h air .

To s a y I h ave fr iz zy h air is a n u nd ers ta te m ent. I t is k in k y, m ore p ub ic th an c ra nia l, a nd w hit is h b lo nd , bre ak in g o ff e asily , lik e h ay. M y s k in is fa ir a nd w hile s o m e c all th is c re am y, it c an lo ok d ow nrig ht death ly w hen I 'm s e rio us, w hic h is a ll th e tim e. A ls o , th ere 's a s lig ht b um p o f c artila ge a lo ng th e to p of m y n o se . B ut m y e yes a re c o rn flo w er b lu e, lik e M oth er's . I 'm to ld th at's m y b est fe atu re .

"It's a ll a b out p uttin g y o urs e lf in a m an-m eetin g s it u atio n w here y o u c an--" "M am a," I s a y, ju st w antin g to e nd th is c o nvers a tio n, " w ould it r e ally b e s o te rrib le if I n ever m et a husb and ?" Moth er c lu tc hes h er b are a rm s a s if m ad e c o ld b y th e th o ught. " D on't . D on't s a y th at, E ugenia . W hy, every w eek I s e e a no th er m an in to w n o ver s ix fe et a nd I th in k , If E ugen ia w ould j u st t r y . . ." S he pre sse s h er h and to h er s to m ach, th e v ery th o ught a d vancin g h er u lc ers .

I s lip o ff m y fla ts a nd w alk d ow n th e fr o nt p orc h s te p s, w hile M oth er c alls o ut fo r m e to p ut m y sh o es b ack o n, th re ate nin g r in gw orm , m osq uit o e ncep halit is . T he in evit a b ilit y o f d eath b y n o s h o es.

Death b y n o h usb and . I s h ud der w it h th e s a m e le ft- b ehin d fe elin g I 'v e h ad s in ce I g ra d uate d fr o m co lle ge, th re e m onth s a go . I 'v e b een d ro pped o ff in a p la ce I d o n o t b elo ng a nym ore . C erta in ly n o t here w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy, m ayb e n o t e ven w it h H illy a nd E liz a b eth .

". . . h ere y o u a re tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd I 'd a lr e ad y h ad C arlt o n J r. a t y o ur a ge . . ." M oth er sa ys.

I s ta nd u nd er th e p in k c re p e m yrtle tr e e, w atc hin g M oth er o n th e p orc h. T he d ay lilie s h ave lo st th eir blo om s. I t is n early S ep te m ber.

I W AS N OT a c ute b ab y. W hen I w as b orn , m y o ld er b ro th er, C arlt o n, lo oked a t m e a nd d ecla re d to th e h o sp it a l r o om , " It's n o t a b ab y, it 's a s k eete r!" a nd fr o m th ere th e n am e s tu ck . I w as lo ng a nd le ggy a nd m osq uit o -th in , a r e co rd -b re ak in g tw enty -fiv e in ches a t B ap tis t H osp it a l. T he n am e g re w even m ore a ccura te w it h m y p oin ty , b eak -lik e n o se w hen I w as a c hild . M oth er's s p ent m y e ntir e lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple to c all m e b y m y g iv en n am e, E ugenia .

Mrs . C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n d oes n o t lik e n ic k nam es.

By s ix te en I w asn 't ju st n o t p re tty , I w as p ain fu lly ta ll. T he k in d o f ta ll th at p uts a g ir l in th e b ack r o w of c la ss p ic tu re s w it h th e b oys. T he k in d o f ta ll w here y o ur m oth er s p end s h er n ig hts ta k in g d ow n hem s, y ank in g a t s w eate r s le eves, fla tte nin g y o ur h air fo r d ances y o u h ad n't b een a sk ed to , fin ally pre ssin g th e to p o f y o ur h ead a s if s h e c o uld s h rin k y o u b ack to th e y ears w hen s h e h ad to r e m in d yo u to s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. B y th e tim e I w as s e vente en, M oth er w ould r a th er I s u ffe re d fr o m ap ople ctic d ia rrh ea th an s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. S he w as fiv e-fo ot- fo ur a nd fir s t- ru nner- u p a s M is s S outh Caro lin a. S he d ecid ed th ere w as o nly o ne th in g to d o in a c ase lik e m in e.

Mrs . C harlo tte P hela n's G uid e to H usb and -H untin g, R ule N um ber O ne: a p re tty , p etit e g ir l s h o uld accentu ate w it h m ak eup a nd g o od p ostu re . A ta ll p la in o ne, w it h a tr u st fu nd .

I w as fiv e-fo ot- e le ven b ut I h ad tw enty -fiv e th o usa nd c o tto n d olla rs in m y n am e a nd if th e b eauty in th at w as n o t a p pare nt th en, b y G od, h e w asn 't s m art e no ugh to b e in th e fa m ily a nyw ay.

. . .

MY C HIL D HO OD B ED RO OM is th e to p flo or o f m y p are nts ' h o use . I t h as w hit e -fr o stin g c hair ra ils a nd p in k c heru b s in th e m old in g. I t's p ap ere d in m in t g re en r o se b ud s. I t is a ctu ally th e a ttic w it h lo ng, s lo pin g w alls , a nd I c anno t s ta nd s tr a ig ht in m any p la ces. T he b ox b ay w in d ow m ak es th e ro om lo ok r o und . A fte r M oth er b era te s m e a b out fin d in g a h usb and e very o th er d ay, I h ave to s le ep in a w ed din g c ak e. And y et, it is m y s a nctu ary . T he h eat s w ells a nd g ath ers lik e a h o t- a ir b allo on u p h ere , n o t e xactly welc o m in g o th ers . T he s ta ir s a re n arro w a nd d if fic ult fo r p are nts to c lim b. O ur p re vio us m aid , Consta ntin e, u se d to s ta re th o se fo rw ard -slo pin g s ta ir s d ow n e very d ay, lik e it w as a b attle b etw een th em . T hat w as th e o nly p art I d id n't lik e a b out h avin g th e to p flo or o f th e h o use , th at it s e p ara te d me fr o m m y C onsta ntin e.

Thre e d ays a fte r m y c o nvers a tio n w it h M oth er o n th e p orc h, I s p re ad o ut th e h elp -w ante d a d s fr o m th e Ja ck so n J o urn al o n m y d esk . A ll m orn in g, M oth er's b een fo llo w in g m e a ro und w it h a n ew h air - str a ig hte nin g th in g w hile D ad dy's b een o n th e fr o nt p orc h g ro w lin g a nd g o ddam nin g th e c o tto n fie ld s because th ey'r e m elt in g lik e s u m mer s n o w . B esid es b oll w eevils , r a in is ju st a b out th e w ors t th in g th at c an h ap pen a t h arv est tim e. I t's h ard ly S ep te m ber b ut th e fa ll d re nches h ave a lr e ad y b egun.

My r e d p en in h and , I s c an th e s q uat, s in gle c o lu m n u nd er H ELP W AN TED : F EM ALE.

Ken nin gto n's D ep t. S tr. s e ek s s a le sg ir ls w /p ois e , m anners & a s m ile !

Trim , y o ung s e cre ta ry w ante d . T yp in g n ot n ec. C all M r. S anders.

J e su s, if h e d oesn 't w ant h er to ty p e, w hat d oes h e w ant h er to d o?

Jr. S te n ogra pher w ante d , P erc y & G ra y, L P, $ 1.2 5/h r.

T his is n ew . I d ra w a c ir c le a ro und it .

No o ne c o uld a rg ue th at I h ad n't w ork ed h ard a t O le M is s. W hile m y fr ie nd s w ere o ut d rin k in g r u m and C okes a t P hi D elt a T heta p artie s a nd p in nin g o n m um c o rs a ges, I s a t in th e s tu d y p arlo r a nd wro te fo r h o urs --m ostly te rm p ap ers b ut a ls o s h o rt s to rie s, b ad p oetr y , e p is o des o f Dr. K ild are , P all Mall jin gle s, le tte rs o f c o m pla in t, r a nso m n o te s, lo ve le tte rs to b oys I 'd s e en in c la ss b ut h ad n't h ad th e n erv e to s p eak to , a ll o f w hic h I n ever m aile d . S ure , I d re am ed o f h avin g fo otb all d ate s, b ut m y re al d re am w as th at o ne d ay I w ould w rit e s o m eth in g th at p eo ple w ould a ctu ally r e ad .

Fourth te rm o f m y s e nio r y ear, I o nly a p plie d to o ne jo b, b ut it w as a g o od o ne, b ein g s ix h und re d mile s a w ay fr o m M is sis sip pi. P ilin g tw enty -tw o d im es in th e O xfo rd M art p ay p ho ne, I 'd in q uir e d ab out a n e d it o r p osit io n a t th e H arp er & R ow p ub lis h in g h o use o n 3 3rd S tr e et in M anhatta n. I 'd se en th e a d in The N ew Y o rk T im es d ow n a t th e O le M is s lib ra ry a nd m aile d th em m y r e su m e th at very d ay. O n a s p rig o f h o pe, I e ven c alle d a b out a n a p artm ent lis tin g o n E ast 8 5th S tr e et, a o ne- bed ro om w it h h o t p la te fo r fo rty -fiv e d olla rs a m onth . D elt a A ir lin es to ld m e a o ne-w ay tic k et to Id le w ild A ir p ort w ould c o st s e venty -th re e d olla rs . I d id n't h ave th e s e nse to a p ply fo r m ore th an o ne jo b a t a tim e a nd I n ever e ven h eard b ack fr o m th em .

My e yes d rif t d ow n to H ELP W AN TED : M ALE. T here a re a t le ast fo ur c o lu m ns fille d w it h b ank managers , a cco unta nts , lo an o ffic ers , c o tto n c o lla te o pera to rs . O n th is s id e o f th e p age, P erc y & Gra y, L P, is o ffe rin g J r. S te no gra p hers fif ty c ents m ore a n h o ur.

"M is s S K EETER , y o u g o t a p ho ne c all, " I h ear P asc ago ula h o lle r a t th e b otto m o f th e s ta ir s . I g o d ow nsta ir s to th e o nly p ho ne in th e h o use . P asc ago ula h o ld s th e p ho ne o ut to m e. S he is a s tin y as a c hild , n o t e ven fiv e fe et ta ll, a nd b la ck a s n ig ht. H er h air is c urly a ro und h er h ead a nd h er w hit e unif o rm d re ss h as b een ta ilo re d to fit h er s h o rt a rm s a nd le gs.

"M is s H illy o n th e p ho ne fo r y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd h and s it to m e w it h a w et h and .

I s it a t th e w hit e ir o n ta b le . T he k it c hen is la rg e a nd s q uare a nd h o t. B la ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um tile s are c ra ck ed in p la ces, w orn th in in fr o nt o f th e s in k . T he n ew s ilv er d is h w ash in g m achin e s it s in th e mid dle o f th e r o om , a tta ched to a h o se s tr e tc hed fr o m th e fa ucet.

"H e's c o m in g n ext w eek end ," H illy s a ys. " O n S atu rd ay n ig ht. Y ou fr e e?" "G ee, le t m e c heck m y c ale nd ar," I s a y. A ll tr a ces o f o ur b rid ge-c lu b a rg um ent a re g o ne fr o m H illy 's vo ic e. I 'm s u sp ic io us b ut r e lie ved .

"I c an't b elie ve th is is fin ally g o in g to h ap pen," H illy s a ys, b ecause s h e's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p fo r month s w it h h er h usb and 's c o usin . S he's in te nt o n it e ven th o ugh h e's m uch to o g o od-lo okin g fo r m e, no t to m entio n a s ta te s e nato r's s o n.

"D on't y o u th in k w e s h o uld ... m eet fir s t? " I a sk . " I m ean, b efo re w e g o o ut o n a n a ctu al d ate ?" "D on't b e n erv o us. W illia m a nd I w ill b e r ig ht n ext to y o u th e w ho le tim e." I s ig h. T he d ate 's b een c ancele d tw ic e a lr e ad y. I c an o nly h o pe it 'll b e p ut o ff a gain . A nd y et I 'm fla tte re d th at H illy h as s o m uch fa it h th at s o m eo ne lik e h im w ould b e in te re ste d in s o m eo ne lik e m e.

"O h, a nd I n eed y o u to c o m e o n b y a nd p ic k u p th ese n o te s," H illy s a ys. " I w ant m y in it ia tiv e in th e next n ew sle tte r, a fu ll p age n ext to th e p ho to o ps." I p ause . " T he b ath ro om th in g?" E ven th o ugh it w as o nly a fe w d ays a go th at s h e'd b ro ught th is u p a t brid ge c lu b , I 'd h o ped it w as fo rg o tte n.

"It's c alle d th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e-- Willia m J u nio r y o u g et d ow n o r I w ill s n atc h y o u bald hea ded Y u le M ay g et in h ere --a nd I w ant it in th is w eek ." I a m e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. B ut H illy is p re sid ent. A nd s h e's tr y in g to te ll m e w hat to p rin t.

"I'll s e e. I d on't k no w if th ere 's r o om ," I lie .

Fro m th e s in k , P asc ago ula s n eak s a lo ok a t m e, a s if s h e c an h ear w hat H illy 's s a yin g. I lo ok o ver a t Consta ntin e's b ath ro om , n o w P asc ago ula 's . I t's o ff th e k it c hen. T he d oor's h alf o pen a nd I c an s e e a tin y r o om w it h a to ile t, a p ull s tr in g flu sh er a t th e to p, a b ulb w it h a y ello w in g p la stic s h ad e. T he s m all co rn er s in k h ard ly h o ld s a g la ss o f w ate r. I 'v e n ever o nce b een in sid e. W hen w e w ere k id s, M oth er to ld u s s h e'd s p ank u s if w e w ent in C onsta ntin e's b ath ro om . I m is s C onsta ntin e m ore th an a nyth in g I'v e e ver m is se d in m y lif e .

"T hen m ak e r o om ," H illy s a ys, " b ecause th is is p re tty d arn im porta nt." CO NSTA N TIN E L IV ED A BO UT a M IL E fr o m o ur h o use , in a s m all N egro n eig hb orh o od c alle d Hots ta ck , n am ed a fte r th e ta r p la nt th at u se d to o pera te b ack th ere . T he r o ad to H ots ta ck r u ns alo ng th e n o rth s id e o f o ur fa rm , a nd fo r a s lo ng a s I c an r e m em ber, c o lo re d k id s h ave w alk ed a nd pla yed a lo ng th at m ile s tr e tc h, k ic k in g a t th e r e d d ust, m ak in g th eir w ay to w ard th e b ig C ounty R oad 49 to c atc h a r id e.

I u se d to w alk th at h o t m ile m yse lf , w hen I w as a g ir l. I f I b egged a nd p ra ctic ed m y c ate chis m , Moth er w ould s o m etim es le t m e g o h o m e w it h C onsta ntin e o n F rid ay a fte rn o ons. A fte r tw enty min ute s o f w alk in g s lo w , w e'd p ass th e c o lo re d fiv e-a nd -d im e s to re , th en a g ro cer w it h h ens la yin g in b ack , a nd a ll a lo ng th e w ay, d oze ns o f s h ack y-lo okin g r o ad sid e h o use s w it h tin r o ofs a nd s la ntin g porc hes, a lo ng w it h a y ello w o ne th at e very b ody s a id s o ld w his k ey fr o m th e b ack d oor. I t w as a th rill to b e in s u ch a d if fe re nt w orld a nd I 'd fe el a p ric k ly a w are ness o f h o w g o od m y s h o es w ere , ho w c le an m y w hit e p in afo re d re ss th at C onsta ntin e h ad ir o ned fo r m e. T he c lo se r w e g o t to Consta ntin e's h o use , th e m ore s h e'd s m ile .

"H i- d o, C arl B ir d ," C onsta ntin e'd h o lle r a t th e r o ot- se llin g m an s it tin g in h is r o ck in g c hair o n th e back o f h is p ic k up . B ags o f s a ssa fr a s a nd lic o ric e r o ot a nd b ir d eye v in e s a t o pen fo r b arg ain in g, a nd by th e tim e w e p oked a ro und th o se a m in ute , C onsta ntin e's w ho le b ody'd b e r a m blin g a nd lo ose in th e jo in ts . C onsta ntin e w asn 't ju st ta ll, s h e w as s to ut. S he w as a ls o w id e in th e h ip s a nd h er k nees gave h er tr o ub le a ll th e tim e. A t th e s tu m p o n h er c o rn er, s h e w ould s tic k a p in ch o f H ap py D ays sn uff in h er lip a nd s p it ju ic e s tr a ig ht a s a n a rro w . S he'd le t m e lo ok a t th e b la ck p ow der in it s r o und tin , b ut s a y, " D on't te ll y o ur m am a, n o w ." There w ere a lw ays d ogs, h o llo w -sto m ached a nd m angy, la id o ut in th e r o ad . F ro m a p orc h a y o ung co lo re d w om an n am ed C at- B it e w ould h o lle r, " M is s S keete r! T ell y o ur d ad dy h ey fo r m e. T ell h im I's d oin g fin e." M y o w n d ad dy g ave h er th at n am e y ears a go . D ro ve b y a nd s a w a r a b id c at atta ck in g a lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. " T hat c at n ear a b out a te h er u p ," D ad dy'd to ld m e a fte rw ard . H e'd kille d th e c at, c arrie d th e g ir l to th e d octo r, a nd s e t h er u p fo r th e tw enty -o ne d ays o f r a b ie s s h o ts .

A lit tle fa rth er o n, w e'd g et to C onsta ntin e's h o use . I t h ad th re e r o om s a nd n o r u gs a nd I 'd lo ok a t th e s in gle p ho to gra p h s h e h ad , o f a w hit e g ir l s h e to ld m e s h e lo oked a fte r fo r tw enty y ears o ver in Port G ib so n. I w as p re tty s u re I k new e very th in g a b out C onsta ntin e--sh e h ad o ne s is te r a nd g re w up o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm in C orin th , M is sis sip pi. B oth h er p are nts w ere d ead . S he d id n't e at p ork as a r u le a nd w ore a s iz e s ix te en d re ss a nd a s iz e te n la d ie s' s h o e. B ut I u se d to s ta re a t th e to oth y sm ile o f th at c hild in th e p ic tu re , a lit tle je alo us, w ond erin g w hy s h e d id n't h ave a p ic tu re o f m e u p to o.

Som etim es tw o g ir ls fr o m n ext d oor w ould c o m e o ver to p la y w it h m e, n am ed M ary N ell a nd M ary Roan. T hey w ere s o b la ck I c o uld n't te ll th em a p art a nd c alle d th em b oth ju st M ary .

"B e n ic e to th e lit tle c o lo re d g ir ls w hen y o u'r e d ow n th ere ," M oth er s a id to m e o ne tim e a nd I re m em ber lo okin g a t h er fu nny, s a yin g, " W hy w ould n't I b e?" B ut M oth er n ever e xp la in ed . Afte r a n h o ur o r s o , D ad dy w ould p ull u p , g et o ut, h and C onsta ntin e a d olla r. N ot o nce d id Consta ntin e in vit e h im in sid e. E ven b ack th en, I u nd ers to od w e w ere o n C onsta ntin e's tu rf a nd s h e did n't h ave to b e n ic e to a nyb ody a t h er o w n h o use . A fte rw ard , D ad dy w ould le t m e g o in th e co lo re d s to re fo r a c o ld d rin k a nd s u ck in g c and y.

"D on't te ll y o ur m am a I g ave C onsta ntin e a lit tle e xtr a , n o w ." "O kay, D ad dy," I 'd s a y. T hat's a b out th e o nly s e cre t m y d ad dy a nd I h ave e ver s h are d .

TH E F IR ST T IM E I w as e ver c alle d u gly , I w as th ir te en. I t w as a r ic h fr ie nd o f m y b ro th er Carlt o n's , o ver to s h o ot g uns in th e fie ld .

"W hy y o u c ry in g, g ir l? " C onsta ntin e a sk ed m e in th e k it c hen.

I to ld h er w hat th e b oy h ad c alle d m e, te ars s tr e am in g d ow n m y fa ce.

"W ell? I s y o u?" I b lin k ed , p ause d m y c ry in g. " Is I w hat? " "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , E ugenia "- -b ecause C onsta ntin e w as th e o nly o ne w ho 'd o ccasio nally fo llo w Mam a's r u le . " U gly liv e u p o n th e in sid e. U gly b e a h urtfu l, m ean p ers o n. I s y o u o ne a th em peo ple s? " "I d on't k no w . I d on't th in k s o ," I s o bbed .

Consta ntin e s a t d ow n n ext to m e, a t th e k it c hen ta b le . I h eard th e c ra ck in g o f h er s w olle n jo in ts . S he pre sse d h er th um b h ard in th e p alm o f m y h and , s o m eth in g w e b oth k new m eant Lis te n . L is te n t o me.

"E ver m orn in g, u ntil y o u d ead in th e g ro und , y o u g o ne h ave to m ak e th is d ecis io n." C onsta ntin e w as so c lo se , I c o uld s e e th e b la ck ness o f h er g um s. " Y ou g o ne h ave to a sk y o urs e lf , Am I g one b elie v e what t h em f o ols s a y a bout m e t o day?

" She k ep t h er th um b p re sse d h ard in m y h and . I n o dded th at I u nd ers to od. I w as ju st s m art e no ugh to r e aliz e s h e m eant w hit e p eo ple . A nd e ven th o ugh I s till fe lt m is e ra b le , a nd k new th at I w as, m ost lik ely , u gly , it w as th e fir s t tim e s h e e ver ta lk ed to m e lik e I w as s o m eth in g b esid es m y m oth er's w hit e child . A ll m y lif e I 'd b een to ld w hat to b elie ve a b out p olit ic s, c o lo re d s, b ein g a g ir l. B ut w it h Consta ntin e's th um b p re sse d in m y h and , I r e aliz e d I a ctu ally h ad a c ho ic e in w hat I c o uld b elie ve.

CO NSTA N TIN E C AM E T O W ORK in o ur h o use a t s ix in th e m orn in g, a nd a t h arv est tim e, s h e cam e a t fiv e. T hat w ay s h e c o uld fix D ad dy h is b is c uit s a nd g ra vy b efo re h e h ead ed to th e fie ld . I woke u p n early e very d ay to h er s ta nd in g in th e k it c hen, P re acher G re en p la yin g o n th e r a d io th at sa t o n th e k it c hen ta b le . T he m in ute s h e s a w m e, s h e s m ile d . " G ood m orn in g, b eautif u l g ir l! " I 'd s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le a nd te ll h er w hat I 'd d re am ed . S he c la im ed d re am s to ld th e fu tu re .

"I w as in th e a ttic , lo okin g d ow n a t th e fa rm ," I 'd te ll h er. " I c o uld s e e th e to ps o f th e tr e es." "Y ou g o ne b e a b ra in s u rg eo n! T op a th e h o use m ean th e h ead ." Moth er a te h er b re ak fa st e arly in th e d in in g r o om , th en m oved to th e r e la xin g r o om to d o need le p oin t o r w rit e le tte rs to m is sio narie s in A fr ic a. F ro m h er g re en w in g c hair , s h e c o uld s e e every o ne g o in g a lm ost a nyw here in th e h o use . I t w as s h o ck in g w hat s h e c o uld p ro cess a b out m y ap peara nce in th e s p lit s e co nd it to ok fo r m e to p ass b y th at d oor. I u se d to d ash b y, fe elin g lik e a dartb oard , a b ig r e d b ull's -e ye th at M oth er p in ged d arts a t.

"E ugenia , y o u k no w th ere is n o c hew in g g um in th is h o use ." "E ugenia , g o p ut a lc o ho l o n th at b le m is h ." "E ugenia , m arc h u p sta ir s a nd b ru sh y o ur h air d ow n, w hat if w e h ave a n u nexp ecte d v is it o r? " I le arn ed th at s o ck s a re s te alt h ie r tr a nsp orta tio n th an s h o es. I le arn ed to u se th e b ack d oor. I le arn ed to w ear h ats , c o ver m y fa ce w it h m y h and s w hen I p asse d b y. B ut m ostly , I le arn ed to ju st s ta y in th e k it c hen.

A S U M MER M ONTH C O ULD S TR EC H o n fo r y ears , o ut o n L ongle af. I d id n't h ave fr ie nd s co m in g o ver e very d ay--w e liv ed to o fa r o ut to h ave a ny w hit e n eig hb ors . I n to w n, H illy a nd Eliz a b eth s p ent a ll w eek end g o in g to a nd fr o m e ach o th er's h o use s, w hile I w as o nly a llo w ed to sp end th e n ig ht o ut o r h ave c o m pany e very o th er w eek end . I g ru m ble d o ver th is p le nty . I to ok Consta ntin e fo r g ra nte d a t tim es, b ut I th in k I k new , fo r th e m ost p art, h o w lu ck y I w as to h ave h er th ere .

When I w as fo urte en, I s ta rte d s m okin g c ig are tte s. I 'd s n eak th em fr o m C arlt o n's p ack s o f Marlb oro s h e k ep t in h is d re sse r d ra w er. H e w as a lm ost e ig hte en a nd n o o ne m in d ed th at h e'd b een sm okin g fo r y ears a nyw here h e w ante d to in th e h o use o r o ut in th e fie ld s w it h D ad dy. S om etim es Dad dy s m oked a p ip e, b ut h e w asn 't a c ig are tte m an a nd M oth er d id n't s m oke a nyth in g a t a ll, e ven th o ugh m ost o f h er fr ie nd s d id . M oth er to ld m e I w asn 't a llo w ed to s m oke u ntil I w as s e vente en.

So I 'd s lip in to th e b ack yard a nd s it in th e tir e s w in g, w it h th e h uge o ld o ak tr e e c o ncealin g m e. O r, la te a t n ig ht, I 'd h ang o ut o f m y b ed ro om w in d ow a nd s m oke. M oth er h ad e agle -e yes, b ut s h e h ad alm ost z e ro s e nse o f s m ell. C onsta ntin e k new im med ia te ly , th o ugh. S he n arro w ed h er e yes, w it h a lit tle s m ile , b ut s a id n o th in g. I f M oth er h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h w hile I w as b ehin d th e tr e e, Consta ntin e w ould r u sh o ut a nd b ang h er b ro om h and le o n th e ir o n s ta ir r a il.

"C onsta ntin e, w hat a re y o u d oin g?" M oth er w ould a sk h er, b ut b y th en I w ould 'v e s tu b bed it o ut a nd dro pped th e b utt in th e h o le in th e tr e e.

"J u st c le anin g th is h ere o ld b ro om , M is s C harlo tte ." "W ell, fin d a w ay to d o it a lit tle q uie te r, p le ase . O h, E ugenia , w hat, d id y o u g ro w a no th er in ch overn ig ht? W hat a m I g o in g to d o? G o... p ut o n a d re ss th at fit s ." "Y es m a'a m ," C onsta ntin e a nd I w ould s a y a t th e s a m e tim e a nd th en p ass e ach o th er a lit tle s m ile .

Oh, it w as d elic io us to h ave s o m eo ne to k eep s e cre ts w it h . I f I 'd h ad a s is te r o r a b ro th er c lo se r in age, I g uesse d th at's w hat it w ould b e lik e. B ut it w asn 't ju st s m okin g o r s k ir tin g a ro und M oth er. I t was h avin g s o m eo ne lo ok a t y o u a fte r y o ur m oth er h as n early fr e tte d h ers e lf to d eath b ecause y o u are fr e ak is h ly ta ll a nd fr iz zy a nd o dd. S om eo ne w ho se e yes s im ply s a id , w it h o ut w ord s, Yo u a re f in e wit h m e.

Still, it w asn 't a ll s w eet ta lk w it h h er. W hen I w as fif te en, a n ew g ir l h ad p oin te d a t m e a nd a sk ed , "W ho 's th e s to rk ?" E ven H illy h ad tu ck ed b ack a s m ile b efo re s te erin g m e a w ay, lik e w e h ad n't heard h er.

"H ow ta ll a re y o u, C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed , u nab le to h id e m y te ars .

Consta ntin e n arro w ed h er e yes a t m e. " H ow ta ll is y o u?" "F iv e-e le ven," I c rie d . " I'm a lr e ad y ta lle r th an th e b oys' b ask etb all c o ach." "W ell, I 'm fiv e-th ir te en, s o q uit fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Consta ntin e's th e o nly w om an I 'v e e ver h ad to lo ok u p to , to lo ok h er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye.

What y o u n o tic ed fir s t a b out C onsta ntin e, b esid es h er ta lln ess, w ere h er e yes. T hey w ere lig ht bro w n, s tr ik in gly h o ney-c o lo re d a gain st h er d ark s k in . I 'v e n ever s e en lig ht b ro w n e yes o n a c o lo re d pers o n. I n fa ct, th e s h ad es o f b ro w n o n C onsta ntin e w ere e nd le ss. H er e lb ow s w ere a b so lu te ly bla ck , w it h a d ry w hit e d ust o n th em in th e w in te r. T he s k in o n h er a rm s a nd n eck a nd fa ce w as a dark e b ony. T he p alm s o f h er h and s w ere o ra ngey-ta n a nd th at m ad e m e w ond er if th e s o le s o f h er fe et w ere to o, b ut I n ever s a w h er b are fo ote d .

"J u st y o u a nd m e th is w eek end ," s h e s a id w it h a s m ile .

It w as th e w eek end th at M oth er a nd D ad dy w ere d riv in g C arlt o n to lo ok a t L SU a nd T ula ne. M y bro th er w as g o in g to c o lle ge n ext y ear. T hat m orn in g, D ad dy h ad m oved th e c o t in to th e k it c hen, next to h er b ath ro om . T hat's w here C onsta ntin e a lw ays s le p t w hen s h e s p ent th e n ig ht.

"G o lo ok w hat I g o t," s h e s a id , p oin tin g to th e b ro om c lo se t. I w ent a nd o pened it a nd s a w , tu ck ed in h er b ag, a fiv e-h und re d -p ie ce p uzzle w it h a p ic tu re o f M ount R ush m ore o n it . I t w as o ur fa vo rit e th in g to d o w hen s h e s ta yed o ver. That n ig ht, w e s a t fo r h o urs , m unchin g o n p eanuts , s if tin g th ro ugh th e p ie ces s p re ad o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le . A s to rm r a ged o uts id e, m ak in g th e r o om c o zy w hile w e p ic k ed o ut th e e d ges. T he bulb in th e k it c hen d im med th en b rig hte ned a gain .

"W hic h o ne h e?" C onsta ntin e a sk ed , s tu d yin g th e p uzzle b ox th ro ugh h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s.

"T hat's J e ffe rs o n." "O h it s u re is . W hat a b out h im ?" "T hat's --" I le aned o ver. " I th in k th at's . . . R oose velt ." "O nly o ne I r e co gniz e is L in co ln . H e lo ok lik e m y d ad dy." I s to pped , p uzzle p ie ce in h and . I w as fo urte en a nd h ad n ever m ad e le ss th an a n A . I w as s m art, b ut I w as a s n aiv e a s th ey c o m e. C onsta ntin e p ut th e b ox to p d ow n a nd lo oked o ver th e p ie ces a gain .

"B ecause y o ur d ad dy w as s o . . . ta ll? " I a sk ed .

She c huck le d . " C ause m y d ad dy w as w hit e . I g o t th e ta ll fr o m m y m am a." I p ut th e p ie ce d ow n. " Y our . . . fa th er w as w hit e a nd y o ur m oth er w as . . . c o lo re d ?" "Y up ," s h e s a id a nd s m ile d , s n ap pin g tw o p ie ces to geth er. " W ell, lo ok a th ere . G ot m e a m atc h." I h ad s o m any q uestio ns-- Who w as h e?

Where w as h e? I k new h e w asn 't m arrie d to C onsta ntin e's moth er, b ecause th at w as a gain st th e la w . I p ic k ed a c ig are tte fr o m m y s ta sh I 'd b ro ught to th e ta b le .

I w as fo urte en b ut, fe elin g v ery g ro w n u p , I lit it . A s I d id , th e o verh ead lig ht d im med to a d ull, d ir ty bro w n, b uzzin g s o ftly .

"O h, m y d ad dy lo oooved m e. A lw ays s a id I w as h is fa vo rit e ." S he le aned b ack in h er c hair . " H e use d to c o m e o ver to th e h o use e ver S atu rd ay a fte rn o on, a nd o ne tim e, h e g iv e m e a s e t a te n h air rib bons, te n d if fe re nt c o lo rs . B ro ught e m o ver fr o m P aris , m ad e o ut a J a p anese s ilk . I s a t in h is la p fr o m th e m in ute h e g o t th ere u ntil h e h ad to le ave a nd M am a'd p la y B essie S m it h o n th e V ic tr o la h e bru ng h er a nd h e a nd m e'd s in g:

It's m ig hty s tr a nge, w it h out a d oubt Nobody k now s y o u w hen y o u'r e d ow n a nd o ut I lis te ned w id e-e yed , s tu p id . G lo w in g b y h er v o ic e in th e d im lig ht. I f c ho co la te w as a s o und , it would 'v e b een C onsta ntin e's v o ic e s in gin g. I f s in gin g w as a c o lo r, it w ould 'v e b een th e c o lo r o f th at cho co la te .

"O ne tim e I w as b oo-h o oin g o ver h ard fe elin gs, I r e ck on I h ad a lis t a th in gs to b e u p se t a b out, bein g p oor, c o ld b ath s, r o tte n to oth , I d on't k no w . B ut h e h eld m e b y th e h ead , h ugged m e to h im fo r th e lo ngest tim e. W hen I lo oked u p , h e w as c ry in g to o a nd h e . . . d id th at th in g I d o to y o u s o yo u k no w I m ean it . P re ss h is th um b u p in m y h and a nd h e s a y . . . h e s o rry ." We s a t th ere , s ta rin g a t th e p uzzle p ie ces. M oth er w ould n't w ant m e to k no w th is , th at C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e , th at h e'd a p olo giz e d to h er fo r th e w ay th in gs w ere . I t w as s o m eth in g I w asn 't su p pose d to k no w . I fe lt lik e C onsta ntin e h ad g iv en m e a g if t.

I fin is h ed m y c ig are tte , s tu b bed it o ut in th e s ilv er g uest a sh tr a y. T he lig ht b rig hte ned a gain .

Consta ntin e s m ile d a t m e a nd I s m ile d b ack .

"H ow c o m e y o u n ever to ld m e th is b efo re ?" I s a id , lo okin g in to h er lig ht b ro w n e yes.

"I c an't te ll y o u e ver s in gle th in g, S keete r." "B ut w hy?" S he k new e very th in g a b out m e, e very th in g a b out m y fa m ily . W hy w ould I e ver k eep se cre ts fr o m h er?

She s ta re d a t m e a nd I s a w a d eep , b le ak s a d ness th ere , in sid e o f h er. A fte r a w hile , s h e s a id , "S om e th in gs I ju st g o t to k eep fo r m yse lf ." WHEN I T W as M Y T urn to g o o ff to c o lle ge, M oth er c rie d h er e yes o ut w hen D ad dy a nd I p ulle d aw ay in th e tr u ck . B ut I fe lt fr e e. I w as o ff th e fa rm , o ut fr o m u nd er th e c rit ic is m . I w ante d to a sk Moth er, Are n 't y o u g la d? A re n 't y o u r e lie v ed t h at y o u d on't h ave t o w orry -w art o ver m e e v ery day a nym ore ?

B ut M oth er lo oked m is e ra b le .

I w as th e h ap pie st p ers o n in m y fr e sh m an d orm . I w ro te C onsta ntin e a le tte r o nce a w eek , te llin g h er ab out m y r o om , th e c la sse s, th e s o ro rit y . I h ad to m ail h er le tte rs to th e fa rm s in ce th e p ost d id n't deliv er to H ots ta ck a nd I h ad to tr u st th at M oth er w ould n't o pen th em . T w ic e a m onth , C onsta ntin e wro te m e b ack o n p arc hm ent p ap er th at fo ld ed in to a n e nvelo pe. H er h and w rit in g w as la rg e a nd lo vely , a lt h o ugh it r a n a t a c ro oked a ngle d ow n th e p age. S he w ro te m e e very m und ane d eta il o f Longle af:

My b ack p ain s a re b ad b ut it 's m y f e et t h at a re w orse , o r The m ix er b ro ke o ff f ro m th e b ow l a nd f le w w ild a ro und t h e k it c h en a nd t h e c a t h olle re d a nd r a n o ff. I h aven 't s e en h er sin ce.

S he'd te ll m e th at D ad dy h ad a c hest c o ld o r th at R osa P ark s w as c o m in g to h er c hurc h to sp eak . O fte n s h e d em and ed to k no w if I w as h ap py a nd th e d eta ils o f th is . O ur le tte rs w ere lik e a yearlo ng c o nvers a tio n, a nsw erin g q uestio ns b ack a nd fo rth , c o ntin uin g fa ce-to -fa ce a t C hris tm as o r betw een s u m mer s c ho ol s e ssio ns.

Moth er's le tte rs s a id , Say y o ur p ra yers a nd Don't w ea r h eels b eca use t h ey m ake y o u t o o t a ll clip ped to a c heck fo r th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs .

In A pril o f m y s e nio r y ear, a le tte r c am e fr o m C onsta ntin e th at s a id , I h ave a s u rp ris e f o r y o u, Skeete r. I a m s o e x cit e d I a lm ost c a n't s ta nd m yse lf . A nd d on't y o u g o a sk in g m e a bout it neit h er. Y o u w ill s e e f o r y o urse lf w hen y o u c o m e h om e.

That w as c lo se to fin al e xam s, w it h g ra d uatio n o nly a m onth a w ay. A nd th at w as th e la st le tte r I e ver go t fr o m C onsta ntin e.

I S K IP PED M Y G RA DUATIO N C ER EM ONY a t O le M is s. A ll m y c lo se fr ie nd s h ad d ro pped o ut to g et m arrie d a nd I d id n't s e e th e p oin t in m ak in g M am a a nd D ad dy d riv e th re e h o urs ju st to w atc h me w alk a cro ss a s ta ge, w hen w hat M oth er r e ally w ante d w as to w atc h m e w alk d ow n th e a is le . I still h ad n't h eard fr o m H arp er & R ow , s o in ste ad o f b uyin g a p la ne tic k et to N ew Y ork , I r o de h o m e to J a ck so n in s o pho m ore K ay T urn er's B uic k , s q ueeze d in th e fr o nt w it h m y ty p ew rit e r a t m y fe et and h er w ed din g d re ss b etw een u s. K ay T urn er w as m arry in g P erc y S ta nho pe n ext m onth . F or th re e h o urs I lis te ned to h er w orry a b out c ak e fla vo rs .

When I g o t h o m e, M oth er s te p ped b ack to g et a b ette r lo ok a t m e. " W ell, y o ur s k in lo oks b eautif u l, " sh e s a id , " b ut y o ur h air . . ." S he s ig hed , s h o ok h er h ead .

"W here 's C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed . " In th e k it c hen?" And lik e s h e w as d eliv erin g th e w eath er, M oth er s a id , " C onsta ntin e is n o lo nger e m plo yed h ere .

Now le t's g et a ll th ese tr u nk s u np ack ed b efo re y o u r u in y o ur c lo th es." I tu rn ed a nd b lin k ed a t h er. I d id n't th in k I 'd h eard h er c o rre ctly . " W hat d id y o u s a y?" Moth er s to od s tr a ig hte r, s m ooth in g d ow n h er d re ss. " C onsta ntin e's g o ne, S keete r. S he w ent to liv e wit h h er p eo ple u p in C hic ago ." "B ut . . . w hat? S he d id n't s a y a nyth in g in h er le tte rs a b out C hic ago ." I k new th at w asn 't h er s u rp ris e .

She w ould 'v e to ld m e s u ch te rrib le n ew s im med ia te ly .

Moth er to ok a d eep b re ath , s tr a ig hte ned h er b ack . " I to ld C onsta ntin e s h e w asn 't to w rit e to y o u ab out le avin g. N ot in th e m id dle o f y o ur fin al e xam s. W hat if y o u'd flu nk ed a nd h ad to s ta y o n ano th er y ear? G od k no w s, fo ur y ears o f c o lle ge is m ore th an e no ugh." "A nd s h e . . . a gre ed to th at? N ot to w rit e m e a nd te ll m e s h e w as le avin g?" Moth er lo oked o ff, s ig hed . " W e'll d is c uss it la te r, E ugenia . C om e o n to th e k it c hen, le t m e in tr o duce yo u to th e n ew m aid , P asc ago ula ." But I d id n't fo llo w M oth er to th e k it c hen. I s ta re d d ow n a t m y c o lle ge tr u nk s, te rrif ie d b y th e th o ught of u np ack in g h ere . T he h o use fe lt v ast, e m pty . O uts id e, a c o m bin e w hir re d in a c o tto n fie ld .

By S ep te m ber, n o t o nly h ad I g iv en u p h o pe o f e ver h earin g b ack fr o m H arp er & R ow , I g ave u p o n ever fin d in g C onsta ntin e. N o o ne s e em ed to k no w a th in g o r h o w I c o uld r e ach h er. I fin ally s to pped ask in g p eo ple w hy C onsta ntin e h ad le ft. I t w as lik e s h e'd s im ply d is a p peare d . I h ad to a ccep t th at Consta ntin e, m y o ne tr u e a lly , h ad le ft m e to fe nd fo r m yse lf w it h th ese p eo ple .

ch ap te r 6 O N A H O T S EPTEM BER M ORN IN G, I w ak e u p in m y c hild ho od b ed , s lip o n th e h uara che s h o es m y b ro th er, C arlt o n, b ro ught m e b ack fr o m M exic o . A m an's p air s in ce, e vid ently , M exic an g ir ls ' fe et d on't g ro w to s iz e n in e-a nd -a -h alf . M oth er h ate s th em a nd s a ys th ey'r e tr a sh y-lo okin g.

O ver m y n ig htg o w n, I p ut o n o ne o f D ad dy's o ld b utto n-d ow n s h ir ts a nd s lip o ut th e fr o nt d oor.

M oth er is o n th e b ack p orc h w it h P asc ago ula a nd J a m eso w hile th ey s h uck o yste rs .

" Y ou c anno t le ave a N egro a nd a N ig ra to geth er u nchap ero ned ," M oth er'd w his p ere d to m e, a lo ng t im e a go . " It's n o t th eir fa ult , th ey ju st c an't h elp it ." I h ead d ow n th e s te p s to s e e if m y m ail- o rd er c o py o f Catc h er in t h e R ye is in th e b ox. I a lw ays o rd er th e b anned b ooks fr o m a b la ck m ark et d eale r in C alif o rn ia , fig urin g if th e S ta te o f M is sis sip pi b anned th em , th ey m ust b e g o od. B y th e tim e I r e ach th e e nd o f th e d riv e, m y h uara ches a nd a nk le s a re c o vere d w it h fin e y ello w d ust.

O n e it h er s id e o f m e, th e c o tto n fie ld s a re a g la rin g g re en, fa t w it h b olls . D ad dy lo st th e b ack fie ld s t o th e r a in la st m onth , b ut th e m ajo rit y b lo om ed u nharm ed . T he le aves a re ju st s ta rtin g to s p ot b ro w n w it h d efo lia nt a nd I c an s till s m ell th e s o ur c hem ic al in th e a ir . T here a re n o c ars o n th e C ounty R oad . I o pen th e m ailb ox.

A nd th ere , u nd ern eath M oth er's Ladie s' H om e J o urn al , is a le tte r a d dre sse d to M is s E ugenia P hela n. T he r e d r a is e d fo nt in th e c o rn er s a ys H arp er & R ow , P ub lis h ers . I te ar it o pen r ig ht th ere in t h e la ne, in n o th in g b ut m y lo ng n ig htg o w n a nd D ad dy's o ld B ro oks B ro th ers s h ir t.

S ep te m ber 4 , 1 962 D ea r M is s P hela n, I a m r e sp ondin g p erso nally t o y o ur r e su m e b eca use I f o und it a dm ir a ble t h at a y o ung la dy w it h a bso lu te ly n o w ork e x perie n ce w ould a pply f o r a n e d it in g j o b a t a p ublis h er a s p re stig io us a s o urs. A m in im um o f f iv e y ea rs in t h e b usin ess is m andato ry f o r s u ch a j o b.

Y o u'd k now t h is if y o u'd d one a ny a m ount o f r e se a rc h o n t h e b usin ess.

H avin g o nce b een a n a m bit io us y o ung la dy m yse lf , h ow ev er, I 'v e d ecid ed t o o ffe r y o u s o m e a dvic e: g o t o y o ur lo ca l n ew sp aper a nd g et a n e n tr y -le v el j o b. Y o u in clu ded in y o ur le tte r t h at y o u " im men se ly e n jo y w rit in g." W hen y o u'r e n ot m akin g m im eo gra phs o r f ix in g y o ur b oss's c o ffe e, lo ok a ro und, in vestig ate , a nd w rit e . D on't w aste y o ur t im e o n t h e o bvio us t h in gs. W rit e a bout w hat d is tu rb s y o u, p artic u la rly if it b oth ers n o o ne e ls e .

Y o urs s in cere ly , E la in e S te in , S en io r E dit o r, A dult B ook D iv is io n Belo w th e p ic a ty p e is a h and w rit te n n o te , in a c ho ppy b lu e s c ra w l:

P.S . I f y o u a re t r u ly s e rio us, I 'd b e w illin g t o lo ok o ver y o ur b est id ea s a nd g iv e m y o pin io n. I offe r t h is f o r n o b ette r r e a so n, M is s P hela n, t h an s o m eo ne o nce d id it f o r m e.

A tr u ck fu ll o f c o tto n r u m ble s b y o n th e C ounty R oad . T he N egro in th e p asse nger s id e le ans o ut and s ta re s. I 'v e fo rg o tte n I a m a w hit e g ir l in a th in n ig htg o w n. I h ave ju st r e ceiv ed c o rre sp ond ence, mayb e e ven e nco ura gem ent, fr o m N ew Y ork C it y a nd I s a y th e n am e a lo ud : " E la in e S te in ." I 'v e never m et a J e w is h p ers o n.

I r a ce b ack u p th e la ne, tr y in g to k eep th e le tte r fr o m fla p pin g in m y h and . I d on't w ant it w rin k le d . I dash u p th e s ta ir s w it h M oth er h o lle rin g to ta k e o ff th o se ta ck y M exic an m an s h o es, a nd I g et to work w rit in g d ow n e very g o ddam n th in g th at b oth ers m e in lif e , p artic ula rly th o se th at d o n o t s e em to fa ze a nyo ne e ls e . E la in e S te in 's w ord s a re r u nnin g h o t s ilv er th ro ugh m y v ein s a nd I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an. T urn s o ut, it is a s p ecta cula rly lo ng lis t.

By th e n ext d ay, I a m r e ad y to m ail m y fir s t le tte r to E la in e S te in , lis tin g th e id eas I th o ught w orth y jo urn alis m m ate ria l: th e p re vale nce o f illit e ra cy in M is sis sip pi; th e h ig h n um ber o f d ru nk -d riv in g accid ents in o ur c o unty ; th e lim it e d jo b o pportu nit ie s fo r w om en.

It's n o t u ntil a fte r I m ail th e le tte r th at I r e aliz e I p ro bab ly c ho se th o se id eas s h e w ould th in k im pre ssiv e, r a th er th an o nes I w as r e ally in te re ste d in .

I T A K E a D EEP B REATH a nd p ull o pen th e h eavy g la ss d oor. A fe m in in e lit tle b ell tin k le s h ello . A no t- so -fe m in in e r e cep tio nis t w atc hes m e. S he is e no rm ous a nd lo oks u nco m fo rta b le in th e s m all wooden c hair . " W elc o m e to th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

C an I h elp y o u?" I h ad m ad e m y a p poin tm ent d ay b efo re y este rd ay, h ard ly a n h o ur a fte r I 'd r e ceiv ed E la in e S te in 's le tte r. I a sk ed fo r a n in te rv ie w fo r a ny p osit io n th ey m ig ht h ave. I w as s u rp ris e d th ey s a id th ey'd s e e me s o s o on.

"I'm h ere to s e e M is te r G old en, p le ase ." The r e cep tio nis t w ad dle s to th e b ack in h er te nte d d re ss. I tr y a nd c alm m y s h ak in g h and s. I p eek th ro ugh th e o pen d oor to a s m all, w ood-p anele d r o om in th e b ack . I n sid e, fo ur m en in s u it s b ang aw ay o n ty p ew rit e rs a nd s c ra tc h w it h p encils . T hey a re b ent o ver, h aggard , th re e w it h ju st a ho rs e sh o e o f h air le ft. T he r o om is g auzy w it h c ig are tte s m oke.

The r e cep tio nis t r e ap pears , th um bs m e to fo llo w h er, c ig are tte d anglin g in h er h and . " C om e o n back ." D esp it e m y n erv es, a ll I c an th in k o f is th e o ld c o lle ge r u le , A C hi O m eg a n ev er w alk s w it h a c ig are tte .

I fo llo w h er th ro ugh th e d esk s o f s ta rin g m en, th e h aze o f s m oke, to a n in te rio r o ffic e.

"C lo se th at th in g b ack ," M is te r G old en h o lle rs a s s o on a s I 'v e o pened th e d oor a nd s te p ped in .

"D on't le t a ll th at d am n s m oke in h ere ." Mis te r G old en s ta nd s u p b ehin d h is d esk . H e's a b out s ix in ches s h o rte r th an m e, tr im , y o unger th an my p are nts . H e h as lo ng te eth a nd a s n eer, th e g re ase d b la ck h air o f a m ean m an.

"D id n't y o u h ear? " h e s a id . " T hey a nno unced la st w eek c ig are tte s'll k ill y o u." "I h ad n't h eard th at." I c an o nly h o pe it h ad n't b een o n th e fr o nt p age o f h is n ew sp ap er.

"H ell, I k no w n ig gers a h und re d y ears o ld lo ok y o unger th an th o se id jit s o ut th ere ." H e s it s b ack dow n, b ut I k eep s ta nd in g b ecause th ere a re n o o th er c hair s in th e r o om .

"A lr ig ht, le t's s e e w hat y o u g o t." I h and h im m y r e su m e a nd s a m ple a rtic le s I 'd w rit te n in s c ho ol. I gre w u p w it h th e Jo urn al s it tin g o n o ur k it c hen ta b le , o pen to th e fa rm r e p ort o r th e lo cal s p orts page. I r a re ly h ad tim e to r e ad it m yse lf .

Mis te r G old en d oesn 't ju st lo ok a t m y p ap ers , h e e d it s th em w it h a r e d p encil. " M urra h H ig h e d it o r th re e y ears , Reb el R ouse r e d it o r tw o y ears , C hi O mega e d it o r th re e y ears , d oub le m ajo r E nglis h and jo urn alis m , g ra d uate d n um ber fo ur...

Dam n , g ir l, " h e m utte rs , " d id n't y o u h ave any fu n?" I c le ar m y th ro at. " Is . . . th at im porta nt? " He lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'r e p eculia rly ta ll b ut I 'd th in k a p re tty g ir l lik e y o u'd b e d atin g th e w ho le go ddam n b ask etb all te am ." I s ta re a t h im , n o t s u re if h e's m ak in g fu n o f m e o r p ayin g m e a c o m plim ent.

"I a ssu m e y o u k no w h o w to c le an . . ." H e lo oks b ack to m y a rtic le s, s tr ik es th em w it h v io le nt r e d mark s.

My fa ce flu sh es h o t a nd q uic k . " C le an? I 'm n o t h ere to c le an. I 'm h ere to writ e ." Cig are tte s m oke is b le ed in g u nd er th e d oor. I t's lik e th e e ntir e p la ce is o n fir e . I fe el s o s tu p id th at I th o ught I c o uld ju st w alk in a nd g et a jo b a s a jo urn alis t.

He s ig hs h eavily , h and s m e a th ic k fo ld er o f p ap ers . " I g uess y o u'll d o. M is s M yrn a's g o ne s h it - h o use cra zy o n u s, d ru nk h air s p ra y o r s o m eth in g. R ead th e a rtic le s, w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e s h e d oes, no body'll k no w th e d am n d if fe re nce." "I . . . w hat? " A nd I ta k e th e fo ld er b ecause I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to d o. I h ave n o id ea w ho th is Mis s M yrn a is . I a sk th e o nly s a fe q uestio n I c an th in k o f. " H ow m uch . . . d id y o u s a y it p ays? " He g iv es m e a s u rp ris in gly a p pre cia tiv e lo ok, fr o m m y fla t s h o es to m y fla t h air s ty le . S om e d orm ant in stin ct te lls m e to s m ile , r u n m y h and th ro ugh m y h air . I fe el r id ic ulo us, b ut I d o it .

"E ig ht d olla rs , e very M ond ay." I n o d, tr y in g to fig ure o ut h o w to a sk h im w hat th e jo b is w it h o ut g iv in g m yse lf a w ay.

He le ans fo rw ard . " Y ou d o k no w w ho M is s M yrn a is , d on't y o u?" "O f c o urs e . W e . . . g ir ls r e ad h er a ll th e tim e," I s a y, a nd a gain w e s ta re a t e ach o th er lo ng e no ugh fo r a d is ta nt te le p ho ne to r in g th re e tim es.

"W hat th en? E ig ht's n o t e no ugh? J e su s, w om an, g o c le an y o ur h usb and 's to ile t fo r fr e e." I b it e m y lip . B ut b efo re I c an u tte r a nyth in g, h e r o lls h is e yes.

"A lr ig ht, te n .

C opy's d ue o n T hurs d ays. A nd if I d on't lik e y o ur s ty le , I 'm n o t p rin tin g it o r p ayin g yo u s q uat." I ta k e th e fo ld er, th ank h im m ore th an I p ro bab ly s h o uld . H e ig no re s m e a nd p ic k s u p h is p ho ne a nd mak es a c all b efo re I 'm e ven o ut th e d oor. W hen I g et to m y c ar, I s in k d ow n in to th e s o ft C ad illa c le ath er. I s it th ere s m ilin g, r e ad in g th e p ages in th e fo ld er.

I ju st g o t a jo b.

I C O M E H O M E S TA N DIN G u p s tr a ig hte r th an I h ave s in ce I w as tw elv e, b efo re m y g ro w th s p urt.

I a m b uzzin g w it h p rid e. E ven th o ugh e very c ell in m y b ra in s a ys d o n o t, s o m eho w I c anno t r e sis t te llin g M oth er. I r u sh in to th e r e la xin g r o om a nd te ll h er e very th in g a b out h o w I 'v e g o tte n a jo b writ in g M is s M yrn a, th e w eek ly c le anin g a d vic e c o lu m n.

"O h th e ir o ny o f it ." S he le ts o ut a s ig h th at m eans lif e is h ard ly w orth liv in g u nd er s u ch c o nd it io ns.

Pasc ago ula fr e sh ens h er ic ed te a.

"A t le ast it 's a s ta rt," I s a y.

"A s ta rt a t w hat? G iv in g a d vic e o n h o w to k eep u p a h o m e w hen . . ." S he s ig hs a gain , lo ng a nd s lo w lik e a d efla tin g tir e .

I lo ok a w ay, w ond erin g if e very o ne in to w n w ill b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. A lr e ad y th e jo y is fle etin g.

"E ugenia , y o u d on't e ven k no w h o w to p olis h s ilv er, m uch le ss a d vis e o n h o w to k eep a h o use cle an." I h ug th e fo ld er to m y c hest. S he's r ig ht, I w on't k no w h o w to a nsw er a ny o f th e q uestio ns. S till, I th o ught s h e'd a t le ast b e p ro ud o f m e.

"A nd y o u w ill n ever m eet a nyb ody s it tin g a t th at ty p ew rit e r. E ugenia , h ave s o m e s e nse ." Anger w ork s it s w ay u p m y a rm s. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht a gain . " Y ou th in k I want to liv e h ere ? W it h yo u ?" I la ugh in a w ay I 'm h o pin g w ill h urt h er.

I s e e th e q uic k p ain in h er e yes. S he p re sse s h er lip s to geth er a t th e s tin g. S till, I h ave n o d esir e to ta k e b ack m y w ord s b ecause fin ally , fin ally , I h ave s a id s o m eth in g s h e's lis te nin g to .

I s ta nd th ere , r e fu sin g to le ave. I w ant to h ear w hat s h e'll s a y to th is . I w ant to h ear h er s a y s h e's so rry .

"I n eed to . . . a sk y o u s o m eth in g, E ugenia ." S he tw is ts h er h and kerc hie f, g rim aces. " I r e ad th e o th er day a b out h o w s o m e . . . s o m e g ir ls g et u nb ala nced , s ta rt th in k in g th ese --w ell, th ese u n natu ra l th o ughts ." I h ave n o id ea w hat s h e's ta lk in g a b out. I lo ok u p a t th e c eilin g fa n. S om eo ne's s e t it g o in g to o fa st.

Cla ck ety -c la ck ety -c la ck ety . . .

"A re y o u . . . d o y o u . . . fin d m en a ttr a ctiv e? A re y o u h avin g u nnatu ra l th o ughts a b out . . ." S he sh uts h er e yes tig ht. " G ir ls o r- -o r w om en?" I s ta re a t h er, w is h in g th e c eilin g fa n w ould fly fr o m it s p ost, c ra sh d ow n o n u s b oth .

"B ecause it s a id in th is a rtic le th ere 's a c ure , a s p ecia l r o ot te a--" "M oth er," I s a y, s h uttin g m y e yes tig ht. " I w ant to b e w it h g ir ls a s m uch a s y o u'd lik e to b e w it h . . .

Ja m eso ." I h ead fo r th e d oor. B ut I g la nce b ehin d m e. " I m ean, u nle ss, o f c o urs e , y o u d o?" Moth er s tr a ig hte ns, g asp s. I p ound u p th e s ta ir s .

TH E N EX T D AY, I s ta ck th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs in a n eat p ile . I h ave th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs in m y p urs e , th e m onth ly a llo w ance M oth er s till g iv es m e. I g o d ow nsta ir s w earin g a th ic k C hris tia n s m ile . L iv in g at h o m e, w henever I w ant to le ave L ongle af, I h ave to a sk M oth er if I c an b orro w h er c ar. W hic h means s h e'll a sk w here I 'm g o in g. W hic h m eans I h ave to lie to h er o n a d aily b asis , w hic h is in it s e lf enjo yab le b ut a lit tle d egra d in g a t th e s a m e tim e.

"I'm g o in g d ow n to th e c hurc h, s e e if th ey n eed a ny h elp g ettin g r e ad y fo r S und ay s c ho ol. " "O h, d arlin g, th at's ju st w ond erfu l. T ak e y o ur tim e w it h th e c ar." I d ecid ed , la st n ig ht, w hat I n eed is a p ro fe ssio nal to h elp m e w it h th e c o lu m n. M y fir s t id ea w as to ask P asc ago ula , b ut I h ard ly k no w h er. P lu s I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M oth er n o sin g a ro und , crit ic iz in g m e a ll o ver a gain . H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay, is s o s h y I d oub t s h e'd w ant to h elp m e. T he only o th er m aid I s e e o fte n e no ugh is E liz a b eth 's m aid , A ib ile en. A ib ile en r e m in d s m e o f C onsta ntin e in a w ay. P lu s s h e's o ld er a nd s e em s to h ave p le nty o f e xp erie nce. On m y w ay to E liz a b eth 's , I g o b y th e B en F ra nk lin s to re a nd b uy a c lip board , a b ox o f n um ber tw o pencils , a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook. M y fir s t c o lu m n is d ue to m orro w , o n M is te r G old en's d esk b y tw o o'c lo ck .

"S keete r, c o m e o n in ." E liz a b eth o pens h er o w n fr o nt d oor a nd I fe ar A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e w ork in g to day. S he h as o n a b lu e b ath ro be a nd ju m bo-siz e d r o lle rs , m ak in g h er h ead lo ok h uge, h er b ody even m ore w aif - lik e th an it is . E liz a b eth g enera lly h as r o lle rs in a ll d ay, c an n ever g et h er th in h air fu ll eno ugh.

"S orry I 'm s u ch a m ess. M ae M oble y k ep t m e u p h alf th e n ig ht a nd n o w I d on't e ven k no w w here Aib ile en's g o tte n o ff to ." I s te p in sid e th e tin y fo yer. I t's a lo w -c eilin ged h o use w it h s m all r o om s. E very th in g h as a s e co nd hand lo ok--th e fa d ed b lu e flo ra l c urta in s, th e c ro oked c o ver o n th e c o uch. I h ear R ale ig h's n ew acco untin g b usin ess is n 't d oin g w ell. M ayb e u p in N ew Y ork o r s o m ew here it 's a g o od th in g, b ut in Ja ck so n, M is sis sip pi, p eo ple ju st d on't c are to d o b usin ess w it h a r u d e, c o nd esc end in g a ssh o le .

Hilly 's c ar is o ut fr o nt, b ut s h e's n o w here to b e s e en. E liz a b eth s it s a t th e s e w in g m achin e s h e h as o n th e d in in g r o om ta b le . " I'm a lm ost d one," s h e s a ys. " L et m e ju st h em th is la st s e am . . ." E liz a b eth sta nd s, h o ld s u p a g re en c hurc h d re ss w it h a r o und w hit e c o lla r. " N ow b e h o nest," s h e w his p ers w it h eyes th at a re p le ad in g fo r m e to b e a nyth in g b ut. " D oes it lo ok h o m em ad e?" The h em o n o ne s id e h angs lo nger th an th e o th er. I t's w rin k le d a nd a c uff is a lr e ad y fr a yin g. " O ne hund re d p erc ent s to re -b ought. S tr a ig ht fr o m M ais o n B la nche's ," I s a y b ecause th at is E liz a b eth 's dre am s to re . I t is fiv e s to rie s o f e xp ensiv e c lo th es o n C anal S tr e et in N ew O rle ans, c lo th es th at co uld n ever b e fo und in J a ck so n. E liz a b eth g iv es m e a g ra te fu l s m ile .

"M ae M oble y's s le ep in g?" I a sk .

"F in ally ." E liz a b eth fid dle s w it h a c lu m p o f h air th at's s lip ped o ut o f h er r o lle r, g rim aces a t it s obstin acy. S om etim es h er v o ic e ta k es o n a h ard e d ge w hen s h e ta lk s a b out h er lit tle g ir l.

The d oor to th e g uest b ath ro om in th e h all o pens a nd H illy c o m es o ut ta lk in g, " . . . s o m uch b ette r.

Every b ody h as th eir o w n p la ce to g o n o w ." Eliz a b eth fid dle s w it h th e m achin e n eed le , s e em s w orrie d b y it .

"Y ou te ll R ale ig h I s a id Yo u a re w elc o m e ," H illy a d ds, a nd it h it s m e, th en, w hat's b ein g s a id .

Aib ile en h as h er o w n b ath ro om in th e g ara ge n o w .

Hilly s m ile s a t m e a nd I r e aliz e s h e's a b out to b rin g u p th e in it ia tiv e. " H ow 's y o ur m am a?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I k no w th is is h er le ast fa vo rit e s u b je ct. " S he g et s e ttle d in th e h o m e a lr ig ht? " "I g uess." H illy p ulls h er r e d s w eate r d ow n o ver th e p ud gy r o ll in h er w ais t. S he h as o n r e d -a nd - gre en p la id p ants th at s e em to m agnif y h er b otto m , m ak in g it r o und er a nd m ore fo rc efu l th an e ver.

"O f c o urs e s h e d oesn 't a p pre cia te a th in g I d o. I h ad to fir e th at m aid fo r h er, c aught h er tr y in g to ste al th e d am n s ilv er r ig ht u nd er m y n o se ." H illy n arro w s h er e yes a b it . " Y 'a ll h aven't h eard , b y th e way, if th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g s o m ew here , h ave y o u?" We s h ak e o ur h ead s n o .

"I d oub t s h e'll fin d w ork in th is to w n a gain ," E liz a b eth s a ys.

Hilly n o ds, m ullin g th is o ver. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , a nxio us to te ll th em m y n ew s.

"I ju st g o t a jo b a t th e Ja ck so n J o urn al ," I s a y.

There is q uie t in th e r o om . S ud denly E liz a b eth s q ueals . H illy s m ile s a t m e w it h s u ch p rid e, I b lu sh and s h ru g, lik e it 's n o t th at b ig o f a d eal.

"T hey'd b e a fo ol n o t to h ir e y o u, S keete r P hela n," H illy s a ys a nd r a is e s h er ic ed te a a s a to ast.

"S o . . . u m , h ave e it h er o f y 'a ll a ctu ally r e ad M is s M yrn a?" I a sk .

"W ell n o ," H illy s a ys. " B ut I b et th e p oor w hit e tr a sh g ir ls in S outh J a ck so n r e ad it lik e th e K in g Ja m es." Eliz a b eth n o ds. " A ll th o se p oor g ir ls w it h o ut h elp , I b et th ey d o." "W ould y o u m in d if I ta lk ed to A ib ile en?" I a sk E liz a b eth . " T o h elp m e a nsw er s o m e o f th e le tte rs ? " Eliz a b eth is v ery s till a s e co nd . " A ib ile en?

My A ib ile en?" " I s u re d on't k no w th e a nsw ers to th ese q uestio ns." "W ell . . . I m ean, a s lo ng a s it d oesn 't in te rfe re w it h h er w ork ." I p ause , s u rp ris e d b y th is a ttit u d e. B ut I r e m in d m yse lf th at E liz a b eth is p ayin g h er, a fte r a ll.

"A nd n o t to day w it h M ae M oble y a b out to g et u p o r e ls e I 'll h ave to lo ok a fte r h er m yse lf ." "O kay. M ayb e . . . m ayb e I 'll c o m e b y to m orro w m orn in g th en?" I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and . I f I fin is h ta lk in g to A ib ile en b y m id m orn in g, I 'll h ave tim e to r u sh h o m e to ty p e it u p , th en g et it b ack to to w n b y tw o.

Eliz a b eth fr o w ns d ow n a t h er s p ool o f g re en th re ad . " A nd o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s. T om orro w 's silv er- p olis h in g d ay." "It w on't b e lo ng, I p ro m is e ," I s a y.

Eliz a b eth is s ta rtin g to s o und ju st lik e m y m oth er.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G A T T EN , E liz a b eth o pens h er d oor, n o ds a t m e lik e a s c ho olt e acher. "A lr ig ht. G o o n in . A nd n o t to o lo ng n o w . M ae M oble y'll b e w ak in g u p a ny tim e." I w alk in to th e k it c hen, m y n o te b ook a nd p ap ers u nd er m y a rm . A ib ile en s m ile s a t m e fr o m th e s in k , her g o ld to oth s h in in g. S he's a lit tle p lu m p in th e m id dle , b ut it is a fr ie nd ly s o ftn ess. A nd s h e's m uch sh o rte r th an m e, b ecause w ho is n 't ? H er s k in is d ark b ro w n a nd s h in y a gain st h er s ta rc hy w hit e unif o rm . H er e yeb ro w s a re g ra y e ven th o ugh h er h air is b la ck .

"H ey, M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s till a t th e m achin e?" "Y es." I t's s tr a nge, e ven a fte r a ll th ese m onth s h o m e, to h ear E liz a b eth b ein g c alle d M is s L eefo lt - -n o t Mis s E liz a b eth o r e ven h er m aid en n am e, M is s F re d eric k s.

"M ay I ? " I p oin t to th e r e fr ig era to r. B ut b efo re I c an h elp m yse lf , A ib ile en's o pened it fo r m e.

"W hat y o u w ant? A C o-C ola ?" I n o d a nd s h e p ops th e c ap o ff w it h th e o pener m ounte d o n th e c o unte r, p ours it in to a g la ss.

"A ib ile en"- -I ta k e a d eep b re ath --"I w as w ond erin g if I c o uld g et y o ur h elp o n s o m eth in g." I te ll h er ab out th e c o lu m n th en, g ra te fu l w hen s h e n o ds th at s h e k no w s w ho M is s M yrn a is .

"S o m ayb e I c o uld r e ad y o u s o m e o f th e le tte rs a nd y o u c o uld ... h elp m e w it h th e a nsw ers . A fte r a while , m ayb e I 'll c atc h o n a nd . . ." I s to p. T here is n o w ay I 'll e ver b e a b le to a nsw er c le anin g questio ns m yse lf . H onestly , I h ave n o in te ntio n o f le arn in g h o w to c le an. " It s o und s u nfa ir , d oesn 't it , me ta k in g y o ur a nsw ers a nd a ctin g lik e th ey'r e m in e. O r M yrn a's , I m ean." I s ig h.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I d on't m in d th at. I ju st a in 't s o s u re M is s L eefo lt g o ne a p pro ve." "S he s a id it w as a lr ig ht." "D urin g m y r e gula r h o urs w ork in g?" I n o d, r e m em berin g th e p ro prie ty in E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"A lr ig ht th en." A ib ile en s h ru gs. S he lo oks u p a t th e c lo ck a b ove th e s in k . " I p ro bab ly h ave to s to p when M ae M oble y g ets u p ." "S ho uld w e s it ? " I p oin t to th e k it c hen ta b le .

Aib ile en g la nces a t th e s w in gin g d oor. " Y ou g o h ead , I 'm fin e s ta nd in g." I s p ent la st n ig ht r e ad in g e very M is s M yrn a a rtic le fr o m th e p re vio us fiv e y ears , b ut I h aven't h ad tim e to s o rt th ro ugh th e u nansw ere d le tte rs y et. I s tr a ig hte n m y c lip board , p encil in h and . " H ere 's a le tte r fr o m R ank in C ounty .

" ' Dea r M is s M yrn a, ' " I r e ad , " 'h ow d o I r e m ove t h e r in gs f ro m m y f a t s lo ven ly h usb and's sh ir t c o lla r w hen h e is s u ch a p ig a nd . . . a nd s w ea ts lik e o ne t o o . . .' " Wond erfu l. A c o lu m n o n c le anin g a nd r e la tio nsh ip s.

Tw o th in gs I k no w a b so lu te ly n o th in g a b out.

"W hic h o ne s h e w ant a g et r id o f? " A ib ile en a sk s. " T he r in gs o r th e h usb and ?" I s ta re a t th e p age. I w ould n't k no w h o w to in str u ct h er to d o e it h er o ne.

"T ell h er a v in egar a nd P in e-S ol s o ak . T hen le t it s e t in th e s u n a lit tle w hile ." I w rit e it q uic k ly o n m y p ad . " S it in th e s u n fo r h o w lo ng?" "B out a n h o ur. L et it d ry ." I p ull o ut th e n ext le tte r a nd , ju st a s q uic k ly , s h e a nsw ers it . A fte r fo ur o r fiv e, I e xhale , r e lie ved .

"T hank y o u, A ib ile en. Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch th is h elp s." "A in 't n o tr o ub le . L ong a s M is s L eefo lt d on't n eed m e." I g ath er u p m y p ap ers a nd ta k e a la st s ip o f m y C oke, le ttin g m yse lf r e la x fo r fiv e s e co nd s b efo re I have to g o w rit e th e a rtic le . A ib ile en p ic k s th ro ugh a s a ck o f g re en fid dle head s. T he r o om is q uie t excep t fo r th e r a d io p la yin g s o ftly , P re acher G re en a gain .

"H ow d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e? W ere y o u r e la te d ?" "W e . . . in th e s a m e c hurc h c ir c le ." A ib ile en s h if ts h er fe et in fr o nt o f th e s in k .

I fe el w hat h as b eco m e a fa m ilia r s tin g. " S he d id n't e ven le ave a n a d dre ss. I ju st- -I c an't b elie ve s h e quit lik e th at." Aib ile en k eep s h er e yes d ow n. S he s e em s to b e s tu d yin g th e fid dle head s v ery c are fu lly . " N o, I 'm rig ht s u re s h e w as le t g o ." "N o, M am a s a id s h e q uit . B ack in A pril. W ent to liv e u p in C hic ago w it h h er p eo ple ." Aib ile en p ic k s u p a no th er fid dle head , s ta rts w ash in g it s lo ng s te m , th e c urly g re en e nd s. " N o m a'a m ," sh e s a ys a fte r a p ause .

It ta k es m e a fe w s e co nd s to r e aliz e w hat w e'r e ta lk in g a b out h ere .

"A ib ile en," I s a y, tr y in g to c atc h h er e ye. " Y ou r e ally th in k C onsta ntin e w as fir e d ?" But A ib ile en's fa ce h as g o ne b la nk a s th e b lu e s k y. " I m ust b e m is re m em orin g," s h e s a ys a nd I c an te ll s h e th in k s s h e's s a id to o m uch to a w hit e w om an.

We h ear M ae M oble y c allin g o ut a nd A ib ile en e xcuse s h ers e lf a nd h ead s th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor.

A fe w s e co nd s p ass b efo re I h ave th e s e nse to g o h o m e.

WHEN I W alk in T H E H O USE te n m in ute s la te r, M oth er is r e ad in g a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

"M oth er," I s a y, c lu tc hin g m y n o te b ook to m y c hest, " d id y o u fir e C onsta ntin e?" "D id I . . .

what ?" M oth er a sk s. B ut I k no w s h e's h eard m e b ecause s h e's s e t th e D AR n ew sle tte r dow n. I t ta k es a h ard q uestio n to p ull h er e yes o ff th at r iv etin g m ate ria l.

"E ugenia , I to ld y o u, h er s is te r w as s ic k s o s h e w ent u p to C hic ago to liv e w it h h er p eo ple ," s h e sa ys. " W hy? W ho to ld y o u d if fe re nt? " I w ould n ever in a m illio n y ears te ll h er it w as A ib ile en. " I h eard it th is a fte rn o on. I n to w n." "W ho w ould ta lk a b out s u ch a th in g?" M oth er n arro w s h er e yes b ehin d h er r e ad in g g la sse s. " It must'v e b een o ne o f th e o th er N ig ra s." "W hat d id y o u do to h er, M oth er? " Moth er lic k s h er lip s, g iv es m e a g o od, lo ng lo ok o ver h er b if o cals . " Y ou w ould n't u nd ers ta nd , Eugenia . N ot u ntil y o u'v e h ir e d h elp o f y o ur o w n." "Y ou . . .

fir e d h er? F or w hat? " "It d oesn 't m atte r. I t's b ehin d m e n o w a nd I ju st w on't th in k a b out it a no th er m in ute ." "M oth er, s h e r a is e d m e. Y ou te ll m e r ig ht n o w w hat h ap pened !" I 'm d is g uste d b y th e s q ueak in ess o f my v o ic e, th e c hild is h s o und o f m y d em and s.

Moth er r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s a t m y to ne, ta k es h er g la sse s o ff. " It w as n o th in g b ut a c o lo re d th in g.

And th at's a ll I 'm s a yin g." S he p uts h er g la sse s b ack o n a nd lif ts h er D AR s h eet to h er e yes.

I'm s h ak in g, I 'm s o m ad . I p ound m y w ay u p th e s ta ir s . I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r, s tu nned th at m y moth er c o uld c ast o ff s o m eo ne w ho 'd d one h er th e b ig gest fa vo r o f h er lif e , r a is e h er c hild re n, te ach me k in d ness a nd s e lf - re sp ect. I s ta re a cro ss m y r o om a t th e r o se w allp ap er, th e e yele t c urta in s, th e yello w in g p ho to gra p hs s o fa m ilia r th ey a re n early c o nte m ptib le . C onsta ntin e w ork ed fo r o ur fa m ily fo r tw enty -n in e y ears .

FO R T H E N EX T W EEK , D ad dy r is e s b efo re d aw n. I w ak e to tr u ck m oto rs , th e c hug o f th e co m bin es s ta rtin g, th e h o lle rs to h urry . T he fie ld s a re b ro w n a nd c ris p w it h d ead c o tto n s ta lk s, defo lia te d s o th e m achin es c an g et to th e b olls . C otto n h arv est is h ere .

Dad dy d oesn 't e ven s to p fo r c hurc h d urin g h arv est tim e, b ut o n S und ay n ig ht, I c atc h h im in th e dusk y h all, b etw een h is s u p per a nd s le ep . " D ad dy?" I a sk . " W ill y o u te ll m e w hat h ap pened to Consta ntin e?" He is s o d og-tir e d , h e s ig hs b efo re h e a nsw ers .

"H ow c o uld M oth er fir e h er, D ad dy?" "W hat? D arlin ', C onsta ntin e q uit . Y ou k no w y o ur m oth er w ould n ever fir e h er." H e lo oks dis a p poin te d in m e fo r a sk in g s u ch a th in g.

"D o y o u k no w w here s h e w ent? O r h ave h er a d dre ss? " He s h ak es h is h ead n o . " A sk y o ur m am a, s h e'll k no w ." H e p ats m y s h o uld er. " P eo ple m ove o n, Skeete r. B ut I w is h s h e'd s ta yed d ow n h ere w it h u s." He w and ers d ow n th e h all to b ed . H e is to o h o nest a m an to h id e th in gs s o I k no w h e d oesn 't h ave any m ore fa cts a b out it th an I d o.

That w eek a nd e very w eek , s o m etim es tw ic e, I s to p b y E liz a b eth 's to ta lk to A ib ile en. E ach tim e, Eliz a b eth lo oks a lit tle w arie r. T he lo nger I s ta y in th e k it c hen, th e m ore c ho re s E liz a b eth c o m es u p wit h u ntil I le ave: th e d oork no bs n eed p olis h in g, th e to p o f th e r e fr ig era to r n eed s d ustin g, M ae Moble y's fin gern ails c o uld u se a tr im . A ib ile en is n o m ore th an c o rd ia l w it h m e, n erv o us, s ta nd s a t th e k it c hen s in k a nd n ever s to ps w ork in g. I t's n o t lo ng b efo re I a m a head o f c o py a nd M is te r Gold en s e em s p le ase d w it h th e c o lu m n, th e fir s t tw o o f w hic h o nly to ok m e a b out tw enty m in ute s to writ e .

And e very w eek , I a sk A ib ile en a b out C onsta ntin e. C an't s h e g et h er a d dre ss fo r m e? C an't s h e te ll me a nyth in g a b out w hy s h e g o t fir e d ? W as th ere a b ig to -d o, b ecause I ju st c an't im agin e Consta ntin e s a yin g yes m a'a m a nd w alk in g o ut th e b ack d oor. M am a'd g et c ro ss w it h h er a b out a ta rn is h ed s p oon a nd C onsta ntin e w ould s e rv e h er to ast b urn ed u p fo r a w eek . I c an o nly im agin e ho w a fir in g w ould 'v e g o ne.

It h ard ly m atte rs , th o ugh, b ecause a ll A ib ile en w ill d o is s h ru g a t m e, s a y s h e d on't k no w n o th in g.

One a fte rn o on, a fte r a sk in g A ib ile en h o w to g et o ut to ugh tu b r in gs ( n ever h avin g s c ru b bed a bath tu b in m y lif e ), I c o m e h o m e. I w alk p ast th e r e la xin g r o om . T he te le vis io n s e t is o n a nd I g la nce at it . P asc ago ula 's s ta nd in g a b out fiv e in ches a w ay fr o m th e s c re en. I h ear th e w ord s Ole M is s a nd on th e fu zzy s c re en I s e e w hit e m en in d ark s u it s c ro w din g th e c am era , s w eat r u nnin g o ff th eir b ald head s. I c o m e c lo se r a nd s e e a N egro m an, a b out m y a ge, s ta nd in g in th e m id dle o f th e w hit e m en, wit h A rm y m en b ehin d h im . T he p ic tu re p ans b ack a nd th ere is m y o ld a d m in is tr a tio n b uild in g.

Govern o r R oss B arn ett s ta nd s w it h h is a rm s c ro sse d , lo okin g th e ta ll N egro in th e e ye. N ext to th e go vern o r is o ur S enato r W hit w orth , w ho se s o n H illy 's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p w it h o n a b lin d d ate .

I w atc h th e te le vis io n, r iv ete d . Y et I a m n eit h er th rille d n o r d is a p poin te d b y th e n ew s th at th ey m ig ht le t a c o lo re d m an in to O le M is s, ju st s u rp ris e d . P asc ago ula , th o ugh, is b re ath in g s o lo ud I c an h ear her. S he s ta nd s s to ck -still, n o t a w are I a m b ehin d h er. R oger S tic k er, o ur lo cal r e p orte r, is n erv o us, sm ilin g, ta lk in g fa st. " P re sid ent K enned y h as o rd ere d th e g o vern o r to s te p a sid e fo r J a m es M ere d it h , I r e p eat, th e P re sid ent o f th e U nit e d --" "E ugenia , P asc ago ula ! T urn th at s e t o ff r ig ht th is m in ute !" Pasc ago ula je rk s a ro und to s e e m e a nd M oth er. S he r u sh es o ut o f th e r o om , h er e yes to th e flo or.

"N ow , I w on't h ave it , E ugenia ," M oth er w his p ers . " I w on't h ave y o u e nco ura gin g th em lik e th at." "E nco ura gin g? I t's n atio nw id e n ew s, M am a." Moth er s n if fs . " It is n o t a p pro pria te fo r th e tw o o f y o u to w atc h to geth er," a nd s h e flip s th e c hannel, sto ps o n a n a fte rn o on r e ru n o f L aw re nce W elk .

"L ook, is n 't th is s o m uch n ic er? " On a H O T S ATU RD AY in la te S ep te m ber, th e c o tto n fie ld s c ho pped a nd e m pty , D ad dy c arrie s a new R C A c o lo r te le vis io n s e t in to th e h o use . H e m oves th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e o ne to th e k it c hen.

Sm ilin g a nd p ro ud , h e p lu gs th e n ew T V in to th e w all o f th e r e la xin g r o om . T he O le M is s v ers u s LSU fo otb all g am e b la re s th ro ugh th e h o use fo r th e r e st o f th e a fte rn o on.

Mam a, o f c o urs e , is g lu ed to th e c o lo r p ic tu re , o ohin g a nd a ahin g a t th e v ib ra nt r e d s a nd b lu es o f th e te am . S he a nd D ad dy liv e b y R eb el fo otb all. S he's d re sse d u p in r e d w ool p ants d esp it e th e sw elt e rin g h eat a nd h as D ad dy's o ld K ap pa A lp ha b la nk et d ra p ed o n th e c hair . N o o ne m entio ns Ja m es M ere d it h , th e c o lo re d s tu d ent th ey le t in .

I ta k e th e C ad illa c a nd h ead in to to w n. M oth er fin d s it in exp lic ab le th at I d on't w ant to w atc h m y alm a m ate r th ro w a b all a ro und . B ut E liz a b eth a nd h er fa m ily a re a t H illy 's w atc hin g th e g am e s o Aib ile en's w ork in g in th e h o use a lo ne. I 'm h o pin g it 'll b e a lit tle e asie r o n A ib ile en if E liz a b eth 's n o t th ere . T ru th is , I 'm h o pin g s h e'll te ll m e s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, a b out C onsta ntin e.

Aib ile en le ts m e in a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e k it c hen. S he s e em s o nly th e s m alle st b it m ore re la xed in E liz a b eth 's e m pty h o use . S he e yes th e k it c hen ta b le , lik e s h e w ants to s it to day. B ut w hen I a sk h er, s h e a nsw ers , " N o, I 'm fin e. Y ou g o h ead ." S he ta k es a to m ato fr o m a p an in th e s in k a nd sta rts to p eel it w it h a k nif e .

So I le an a gain st th e c o unte r a nd p re se nt th e la te st c o nund ru m : h o w to k eep th e d ogs fr o m g ettin g in to y o ur tr a sh cans o uts id e. B ecause y o ur la zy h usb and fo rg ets to p ut it o ut o n th e r ig ht p ic k -u p d ay.

Sin ce h e d rin k s a ll th at d am n b eer.

"J u st p our s o m e p neum onia in th at g arb age. D ogs w on't s o m uch a s w in k a t th em c ans." I jo t it dow n, a m end in g it to a m monia , a nd p ic k o ut th e n ext le tte r. W hen I lo ok u p , A ib ile en's k in d o f sm ilin g a t m e.

"I d on't m ean n o th in g d is re sp ectfu l, M is s S keete r, b ut . . . a in 't it k in d a s tr a nge y o u b ein g th e n ew Mis s M yrn a w hen y o u d on't k no w n o th in g a b out h o use k eep in g?" She d id n't s a y it th e w ay M oth er d id , a m onth a go . I fin d m yse lf la ughin g in ste ad , a nd I te ll h er w hat I'v e to ld n o o ne e ls e , a b out th e p ho ne c alls a nd th e r e su m e I 'd s e nt to H arp er & R ow . T hat I w ant to b e a w rit e r. T he a d vic e I r e ceiv ed fr o m E la in e S te in . I t's n ic e to te ll s o m eb ody.

Aib ile en n o ds, tu rn s h er k nif e a ro und a no th er s o ft r e d to m ato . " M y b oy T re elo re , h e lik e to w rit e ." "I d id n't k no w y o u h ad a s o n." "H e d ead . T w o y ears n o w ." "O h, I 'm s o s o rry ," I s a y a nd fo r a m om ent it 's ju st P re acher G re en in th e r o om , th e s o ft p at o f to m ato s k in s a gain st th e s in k .

"M ad e s tr a ig ht A s o n e ver E nglis h te st h e ta k e. T hen la te r, w hen h e g ro w n, h e p ic k h im se lf u p a ty p ew rit e r a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n a id ea . . ." T he p in -tu ck ed s h o uld ers o f h er u nif o rm s lu m p d ow n.

"S ay h e g o ne w rit e h im se lf a b ook." "W hat k in d o f id ea?" I a sk . " I m ean, if y o u d on't m in d te llin g . . ." Aib ile en s a ys n o th in g fo r a w hile . K eep s p eelin g to m ato es a ro und a nd a ro und . " H e r e ad th is b ook call In vis ib le M an.

W hen h e d one, h e s a y h e g o ne w rit e d ow n w hat it w as lik e to b e c o lo re d work in g fo r a w hit e m an in M is sis sip pi. " I lo ok a w ay, k no w in g th is is w here m y m oth er w ould s to p th e c o nvers a tio n. T his is w here s h e'd sm ile a nd c hange th e s u b je ct to th e p ric e o f s ilv er p olis h o r w hit e r ic e.

"I r e ad In vis ib le M an , to o, a fte r h e d id ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I lik ed it a lr ig ht." I n o d, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever r e ad it . I h ad n't th o ught o f A ib ile en a s a r e ad er b efo re .

"H e w ro te a lm ost fif ty p ages," s h e s a ys. " I le t h is g ir l F ra nces k eep h o ld o f e m ." Aib ile en s to ps p eelin g. I s e e h er th ro at m ove w hen s h e s w allo w s. " P le ase d on't te ll n o body th at," s h e sa ys, s o fte r n o w , " h im w antin g to w rit e a b out h is w hit e b oss." S he b it e s h er lip a nd it s tr ik es m e th en th at s h e's s till a fr a id fo r h im . E ven th o ugh h e's d ead , th e in stin ct to b e a fr a id fo r h er s o n is s till th ere .

"It's fin e th at y o u to ld m e, A ib ile en. I th in k it w as . . . a b ra ve id ea." Aib ile en h o ld s m y g aze fo r a m om ent. T hen s h e p ic k s u p a no th er to m ato a nd s e ts th e k nif e a gain st th e s k in . I w atc h, w ait fo r th e r e d ju ic e to s p ill. B ut A ib ile en s to ps b efo re s h e c uts , g la nces a t th e kit c hen d oor.

"I d on't th in k it 's fa ir , y o u n o t k no w in g w hat h ap pen to C onsta ntin e. I ju st- -I'm s o rry , I d on't fe el rig ht ta lk in g to y o u a b out it ." I s ta y q uie t, n o t s u re w hat's s p urre d th is , n o t w antin g to r u in it .

"I'll te ll y o u th o ugh, it w as s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er d aughte r. C om in g to s e e y o ur m am a." "D aughte r? C onsta ntin e n ever to ld m e s h e h ad a d aughte r." I k new C onsta ntin e fo r tw enty -th re e years . W hy w ould s h e k eep th is fr o m m e?

"It w as h ard fo r h er. T he b ab y c o m e o ut r e al . . . p ale ." I h o ld s till, r e m em berin g w hat C onsta ntin e to ld m e, y ears a go . " Y ou m ean, lig ht? L ik e . . . w hit e ?" Aib ile en n o ds, k eep in g a t h er ta sk in th e s in k . " H ad to s e nd h er a w ay, u p n o rth I th in k ." "C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e ," I s a y. " O h . . . A ib ile en . . . y o u d on't th in k . . ." A n u gly th o ught is ru nnin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I a m to o s h o ck ed to fin is h m y s e nte nce.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " N o n o , n o m a'a m . N ot... th at. C onsta ntin e's m an, C onno r, h e w as co lo re d . B ut s in ce C onsta ntin e h ad h er d ad dy's b lo od in h er, h er b ab y c o m e o ut a h ig h y ello w . I t . . .

hap pens." I fe el a sh am ed fo r h avin g th o ught th e w ors t. S till, I d on't u nd ers ta nd . " W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e e ver te ll m e?" I a sk , n o t r e ally e xp ectin g a n a nsw er. " W hy w ould s h e s e nd h er a w ay?" Aib ile en n o ds to h ers e lf , lik e s h e u nd ers ta nd s. B ut I d on't . " T hat w as th e w ors t o ff I e ver s e en h er.

Consta ntin e m ust a s a id a th o usa nd tim es, s h e c o uld n't w ait fo r th e d ay w hen s h e g o t h er b ack ." "Y ou s a id th e d aughte r, s h e h ad s o m eth in g to d o w it h C onsta ntin e g ettin g fir e d ? W hat h ap pened ?" At th is , A ib ile en's fa ce g o es b la nk . T he c urta in h as d ra w n. S he n o ds to w ard th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs , mak in g it c le ar th at's a ll s h e's w illin g to s a y. A t le ast r ig ht n o w .

TH AT A FTER N OON, I s to p b y H illy 's fo otb all p arty . T he s tr e et is lin ed w it h s ta tio n w ago ns a nd lo ng B uic k s. I fo rc e m yse lf th ro ugh th e d oor, k no w in g I 'll b e th e o nly s in gle o ne th ere . I n sid e, th e liv in g r o om is fu ll o f c o up le s o n th e s o fa s, th e c hais e s, th e a rm s o f c hair s . W iv es s it s tr a ig ht w it h th eir le gs c ro sse d , w hile h usb and s le an fo rw ard . A ll e yes a re o n th e w ooden te le vis io n s e t. I s ta nd in th e back , e xchange a fe w s m ile s, s ile nt h ello s. E xcep t fo r th e a nno uncer, th e r o om is q uie t.

"W hooooooa!" th ey a ll y ell a nd h and s fly in th e a ir a nd w om en s ta nd a nd c la p a nd c la p . I c hew a t my c utic le .

"T hat's it , R eb els ! Y ou s h o w th o se T ig ers !" "G o, R eb els !" c heers M ary F ra nces T ru ly , ju m pin g u p a nd d ow n in h er m atc hin g s w eate r s e t. I lo ok at m y n ail w here m y c utic le h angs o ff, s tin gin g a nd p in k . T he r o om is th ic k w it h b ourb on-sm ell a nd re d w ool a nd d ia m ond r in gs. I w ond er if th e g ir ls r e ally c are a b out fo otb all, o r if th ey ju st a ct th is way to im pre ss th eir h usb and s. I n m y fo ur m onth s o f b ein g in th e L eague, I 'v e n ever o nce h ad a g ir l ask m e, " H ow b out th em R eb s? " I c hat m y w ay th ro ugh s o m e c o up le s u ntil I m ak e it to th e k it c hen. H illy 's ta ll, th in m aid , Y ule M ay, is fo ld in g d ough a ro und tin y s a usa ges. A no th er c o lo re d g ir l, y o unger, w ash es d is h es a t th e s in k . H illy waves m e o ver, w here s h e's ta lk in g to D eena D ora n. ". . . b est d arn p etit fo ur I 'v e e ver ta ste d ! D eena, y o u m ig ht b e th e m ost ta le nte d c o ok in th e League!" H illy s tu ffs th e r e st o f th e c ak e in h er m outh , n o ddin g a nd m m-m min g.

"W hy, th ank y o u, H illy , th ey'r e h ard b ut I th in k th ey'r e w orth it ." D eena is b eam in g, lo oks lik e s h e mig ht c ry u nd er H illy 's a d ora tio n.

"S o y o u'll d o it ? O h, I 'm s o g la d . T he b ak e s a le c o m mit te e re a lly n eed s s o m eb ody lik e y o u." "A nd h o w m any d id y o u n eed ?" "F iv e h und re d , b y to m orro w a fte rn o on." Deena's s m ile fr e eze s. " O kay. I g uess I c an . . . w ork th ro ugh th e n ig ht." "S keete r, y o u m ad e it ," H illy s a ys a nd D eena w and ers o ut o f th e k it c hen.

"I c an't s ta y lo ng," I s a y, p ro bab ly to o q uic k ly .

"W ell, I fo und o ut." H illy s m ir k s. " H e is d efin it e ly c o m in g th is tim e. T hre e w eek s fr o m to day." I w atc h Y ule M ay's lo ng fin gers p in ch th e d ough o ff a k nif e a nd I s ig h, k no w in g r ig ht a w ay w ho s h e means. " I d on't k no w , H illy . Y ou'v e tr ie d s o m any tim es. M ayb e it 's a s ig n." L ast m onth , w hen h e'd cancele d th e d ay b efo re th e d ate , I 'd a ctu ally a llo w ed m yse lf a b it o f e xcit e m ent. I d on't r e ally fe el lik e g o in g th ro ugh th at a gain .

"W hat? D on't y o u d are s a y th at." "H illy ," I c le nch m y te eth , b ecause it 's tim e I fin ally ju st s a id it , " y o u k no w I w on't b e h is ty p e." "L ook a t m e," s h e s a ys. A nd I d o a s I 'm to ld . B ecause th at is w hat w e d o a ro und H illy .

"H illy , y o u c an't m ak e m e g o --" "It is yo ur t im e , S keete r." S he r e aches o ver a nd s q ueeze s m y h and , p re sse s h er th um b a nd fin gers dow n a s h ard a s C onsta ntin e e ver d id . " It is y o ur tu rn . A nd d am n it , I 'm n o t g o in g to le t y o u m is s th is ju st b ecause y o ur m oth er c o nvin ced y o u y o u'r e n o t g o od e no ugh fo r s o m eb ody lik e h im ." I'm s tu ng b y h er b it te r, tr u e w ord s. A nd y et, I a m a w ed b y m y fr ie nd , b y h er te nacit y fo r m e. H illy and I 'v e a lw ays b een u nco m pro m is in gly h o nest w it h e ach o th er, e ven a b out th e lit tle th in gs. W it h oth er p eo ple , H illy h and s o ut lie s lik e th e P re sb yte ria ns h and o ut g uilt , b ut it 's o ur o w n s ile nt agre em ent, th is s tr ic t h o nesty , p erh ap s th e o ne th in g th at h as k ep t u s fr ie nd s.

Eliz a b eth c o m es in th e k it c hen c arry in g a n e m pty p la te . S he s m ile s, th en s to ps, a nd w e a ll th re e lo ok at e ach o th er.

"W hat? " E liz a b eth s a ys. I c an te ll s h e th in k s w e'v e b een ta lk in g a b out h er.

"T hre e w eek s th en?" H illy a sk s m e. " Y ou c o m in g?" "O h y es y o u a re ! Y ou m ost c erta in ly a re g o in g!" E liz a b eth s a ys.

I lo ok in th eir s m ilin g fa ces, a t th eir h o pe fo r m e. I t's n o t lik e M oth er's m ed dlin g, b ut a c le an h o pe, wit h o ut s tr in gs o r h urt. I h ate th at m y fr ie nd s h ave d is c usse d th is , m y o ne n ig ht's fa te , b ehin d m y back . I h ate it a nd I lo ve it to o.

I H EA D b ack to th e c o untr y b efo re th e g am e is o ver. O ut th e o pen w in d ow o f th e C ad illa c, th e fie ld s lo ok c ho pped a nd b urn ed . D ad dy fin is h ed th e la st h arv est w eek s a go , b ut th e s id e o f th e r o ad is s till s n o w y w it h c o tto n s tu ck in th e g ra ss. W hif fs o f it b lo w a nd flo at th ro ugh th e a ir .

I c heck th e m ailb ox fr o m th e d riv er's s e at. I n sid e is The F arm er's A lm anac a nd a s in gle le tte r. I t is fr o m H arp er & R ow . I tu rn in to th e d riv e, th ro w th e g ear in to P ark . T he le tte r is h and w rit te n, o n sm all s q uare n o te p ap er.

Mis s P hela n, Yo u c erta in ly m ay h one y o ur w rit in g s k ills o n s u ch f la t, p assio nle ss s u bje cts a s d ru nk d riv in g and illit e ra cy. I ' d h oped , h ow ev er, y o u'd c h oose t o pic s t h at a ctu ally h ad s o m e p unch t o t h em .

Keep lo okin g. I f y o u f in d s o m eth in g o rig in al, o nly t h en m ay y o u w rit e m e a gain .

I s lip p ast M oth er in th e d in in g r o om , in vis ib le P asc ago ula d ustin g p ic tu re s in th e h all, u p m y s te ep , vic io us s ta ir s . M y fa ce b urn s. I fig ht th e te ars o ver M is su s S te in 's le tte r, te ll m yse lf to p ull it to geth er.

The w ors t p art is , I d on't h ave a ny b ette r id eas.

I b ury m yse lf in th e n ext h o use k eep in g a rtic le , th en th e L eague n ew sle tte r. F or th e s e co nd w eek in a ro w , I le ave o ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e. A n h o ur la te r, I fin d m yse lf s ta rin g o ff a t th e w in d ow . M y co py o f Let U s N ow P ra is e F am ous M en s it s o n th e w in d ow le d ge. I w alk o ver a nd p ic k it u p , afr a id th e lig ht w ill fa d e th e p ap er ja ck et, th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to o f th e h um ble , im poveris h ed fa m ily o n th e c o ver. T he b ook is w arm a nd h eavy fr o m th e s u n. I w ond er if I 'll e ver w rit e a nyth in g worth a nyth in g a t a ll. I tu rn w hen I h ear P asc ago ula 's k no ck o n m y d oor. T hat's w hen th e id ea co m es to m e.

No. I c o uld n't . T hat w ould b e... c ro ssin g t h e lin e.

But th e id ea w on't g o a w ay.

AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 7 T H E H EAT W AV E fin ally p asse s r o und th e m id dle a O cto ber a nd w e g et o urs e lv es a c o ol fif ty d egre es. I n th e m orn in gs, th at b ath ro om s e at g et c o ld o ut th ere , g iv e m e a lit tle s ta rt w hen I s e t d ow n. I t's ju st a lit tle r o om th ey b uilt in sid e th e c arp ort. I n sid e is a to ile t a nd a lit tle s in k a tta ched to t h e w all. A p ull c o rd fo r th e lig htb ulb . P ap er h ave to s e t o n th e flo or.

W hen I w ait e d o n M is s C aulie r, h er c arp ort a tta ch to th e h o use s o I d id n't h ave to g o o uts id e. P la ce b efo re th at h ad a m aid q uarte rs . P lu s m y o w n lit tle b ed ro om fo r w hen I s it a t n ig ht. T his o ne I g o t to c ro ss th ro ugh th e w eath er to g et th ere .

O n a T uesd ay n o on, I c arry m y lu nch o n o ut to th e b ack s te p s, s e t d ow n o n th e c o ol c o ncre te . M is s L eefo lt 's g ra ss d on't g ro w g o od b ack h ere . A b ig m agno lia tr e e s h ad es m ost a th e y ard . I a lr e ad y k no w th at's th e tr e e g o ne b e M ae M oble y's h id eo ut. I n a b out fiv e y ears , to h id e fr o m M is s L eefo lt .

A fte r a w hile , M ae M oble y w ad dle o ut o n th e b ack s te p . S he g o t h alf h er h am burg er p atty in h er h and . S he s m ile u p a t m e a nd s a y, " G ood." " H ow c o m e y o u n o t in th ere w it h y o ur m am a?" I a sk , b ut I k no w w hy. S he r a th er b e s e ttin g o ut h ere w it h th e h elp th an in th ere w atc hin g h er m am a lo ok a nyw here b ut a t h er. S he lik e o ne a th em b ab y c hic k ens th at g et c o nfu se d a nd fo llo w th e d uck s a ro und in ste ad .

M ae M oble y p oin t a t th e b lu eb ir d s g ettin g r e ad y fo r w in te r, tw it te rin g in th e lit tle g ra y fo unta in . " B oo b ir d s!" S he p oin t a nd d ro p h er h am burg er d ow n o n th e s te p . O ut a n o w here , th at o ld b ir d d og A ub ie th ey d on't n ever p ay n o m in d to c o m e u p a nd g o bble it d ow n. I d on't ta k e to d ogs, b ut th is o ne is ju st p la in p it if u l. I p et h im o n th e h ead . I b et n o body p ette d th at d og s in ce C hris tm as.

W hen M ae M oble y s e e h im , s h e s q ueal a nd g ra b a t h is ta il. I t w hap h er in th e fa ce a fe w tim es b efo re s h e g et h o lt . P oor th in g, h e w hin e a nd g iv e h er o ne a th o se p it if u l p eo ple -d og lo oks, h is h ead t u rn ed fu nny, h is e yeb ro w s u p . I c an a lm ost h ear h im a sk in g h er to tu rn h im lo ose . H e a in 't th e b it in g k in d .

S o s h e'll le t g o , I s a y, " M ae M oble y, w here y o ur ta il? " S ho n uff, s h e le t g o a nd s ta rt lo okin g a t h er r e ar. H er m outh 's p opped o pen lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve s h e d one m is se d it a ll th is tim e. S he tu rn in g in w obbly c ir c le s tr y in g to s e e it .

" Y ou a in 't g o t n o ta il. " I la ugh a nd c atc h h er fo re s h e fa ll o ff th at s te p . D og s n if f a ro und fo r m ore h am burg er.

I t a lw ays tic k le m e h o w th ese b ab ie s b elie ve a nyth in g y o u te ll e m . T ate F orre st, o ne a m y u se d -to - b e b ab ie s lo ng tim e a go , s to p m e o n th e w ay to th e J it n ey ju st la st w eek , g iv e m e a b ig h ug, s o h ap py to s e e m e. H e a g ro w n m an n o w . I n eed ed to g et b ack to M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut h e s ta rt la ughin g a nd m em orin g h o w I 'd d o h im w hen h e w as a b oy. H ow th e fir s t tim e h is fo ot fe ll a sle ep a nd h e s a y i t tic k le , I to ld h im th at w as ju st h is fo ot s n o rin g. A nd h o w I to ld h im d on't d rin k c o ffe e o r h e g o ne t u rn c o lo re d . H e s a y h e s till a in 't d ru nk a c up a c o ffe e a nd h e tw enty -o ne y ears o ld . I t's a lw ays n ic e s e ein g th e k id s g ro w n u p fin e.

"M ae M oble y? M ae M oble y L eefo lt ! " Mis s L eefo lt ju st n o w n o tic in g h er c hild a in 't s e ttin g in th e s a m e r o om w it h h er. " S he o ut h ere w it h me, M is s L eefo lt ," I s a y th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor.

"I to ld y o u to e at in y o ur h ig h c hair , M ae M oble y. H ow I e nd ed u p w it h y o u w hen a ll m y fr ie nd s have a ngels I ju st d o n o t k no w . . ." B ut th en th e p ho ne r in g a nd I h ear h er s to m pin g o ff to g et it .

I lo ok d ow n a t B ab y G ir l, s e e h o w h er fo re head 's a ll w rin k le d u p b etw een th e e yes. S he s tu d yin g hard o n s o m eth in g.

I to uch h er c heek . " Y ou a lr ig ht, b ab y?" She s a y, " M ae M o b ad ." The w ay s h e s a y it , lik e it 's a fa ct, m ak e m y in sid es h urt.

"M ae M oble y," I s a y c ause I g o t a n o tio n to tr y s o m eth in g. " Y ou a s m art g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e, lik e s h e d on't k no w .

"Y ou a s m art g ir l, " I s a y a gain .

She s a y, " M ae M o s m art." I s a y, " Y ou a k in d lit tle g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e. S he tw o y ears o ld . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e is y et.

I s a y, " Y ou a k in d g ir l, " a nd s h e n o d, r e p eat it b ack to m e. B ut b efo re I c an d o a no th er o ne, s h e g et up a nd c hase th at p oor d og a ro und th e y ard a nd la ugh a nd th at's w hen I g et to w ond erin g, w hat would h ap pen if I to ld h er s h e s o m eth in g g o od, e ver d ay?

She tu rn fr o m th e b ir d bath a nd s m ile a nd h o lle r, " H i, A ib ee. I lo ve y o u, A ib ee," a nd I fe el a tic k ly fe elin g, s o ft lik e th e fla p a b utte rfly w in gs, w atc hin g h er p la y o ut th ere . T he w ay I u se d to fe el watc hin g T re elo re . A nd th at m ak es m e k in d a s a d , m em orin g.

Afte r w hile , M ae M oble y c o m e o ver a nd p re ss h er c heek u p to m in e a nd ju st h o ld it th ere , lik e s h e kno w I b e h urtin g. I h o ld h er tig ht, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a kin d g ir l, M ae M oble y. Y ou hear m e?" A nd I k eep s a yin g it till s h e r e p eat it b ack to m e.

TH E N EX T F EW W EEK S is r e al im porta nt fo r M ae M oble y. Y ou th in k o n it , y o u p ro bab ly d on't re m em ber th e fir s t tim e y o u w ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l s te ad o f a d ia p er. P ro bab ly d on't giv e n o c re d it to w ho ta ught y o u, n eit h er. N ever h ad a s in gle b ab y I r a is e c o m e u p to m e a nd s a y, Aib ile en , w hy I s u re d o t h ank y o u f o r s h ow in g m e h ow t o g o in t h e p ot.

It's a tr ic k y th in g. Y ou tr y a nd g et a b ab y to g o in th e to ile t b efo re it s tim e, it 'll m ak e e m c ra zy. T hey can't g et th e h ang o f it a nd g et to th in k in g lo w a th eyse lv es. B ab y G ir l, th o ugh, I k no w s h e r e ad y.

And s h e k no w s h e r e ad y. B ut, L aw , if s h e a in 't r u nnin g m y fo ol le gs o ff. I s e t h er o n h er w ooden bab y s e at s o h er lit tle h in ey d on't fa ll in a nd s o on a s I tu rn m y b ack , s h e o ff th at p ot r u nnin g.

"Y ou g o t to g o , M ae M oble y?" "N o." "Y ou d ru nk u p tw o g la sse s a g ra p e ju ic e, I k no w y o u g o t to g o ." "N ooo." "I g iv e y o u a c o okie if y o u g o fo r m e." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a w hile . S he s ta rt e yein g th e d oor. I d on't h ear n o th in g h ap penin g in th e b ow l.

Usu ally , I c an g et th em g o in g a fte r a b out tw o w eek s. B ut th at's if I g o t th ey m am as h elp in g m e. L it tle boys g o t to s e e th ey d ad dy d oin g it s ta nd in g-u p s ty le , lit tle g ir ls g o t to s e e th ey m am a s e ttin g d ow n.

Mis s L eefo lt w on't le t th at g ir l c o m e n ear h er w hen s h e g o in g, a nd th at's th e tr o ub le .

"G o ju st a lit tle fo r m e, B ab y G ir l. " She s tic k h er lip o ut, s h ak e h er h ead .

Mis s L eefo lt g o ne to g et h er h air d one, e ls e I a sk h er a gain w ill s h e s e t th e e xam ple e ven th o ugh th at wom an's a lr e ad y s a id no fiv e tim es. L ast tim e M is s L eefo lt s a y n o , I w as fix in g to te ll h er h o w m any kid s I r a is e d in m y lif e tim e a nd a sk h er w hat n um ber s h e o n, b ut I e nd ed u p s a yin g alr ig ht lik e I alw ays d o.

"I g iv e y o u tw o c o okie s," I s a y e ven th o ugh h er m am a a lw ays g ettin g o n m e a b out m ak in g h er fa t.

Mae M oble y, s h e s h ak e h er h ead a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Now , I a in 't s a yin g I a in 't h eard th is b efo re , b ut u su ally I c an g et a ro und it . I k no w , th o ugh, s h e g o t to s e e h o w it 's d one fo re s h e g o ne g et to b usin ess. I s a y, " I d on't g o t to g o ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er. S he p oin t a gain a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Then s h e g et to c ry in g a nd fid getin g c ause th at s e at m ak in g a lit tle in d ent o n h er b ehin d a nd I k no w what I 'm o n h ave to d o. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to g o a b out it . S ho uld I ta k e h er o ut to th e g ara ge to min e o r g o h ere in th is b ath ro om ? W hat if M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e a nd I 'm s e ttin g u p o n th is to ile t?

She h ave a fit .

I p ut h er d ia p er b ack o n a nd w e g o o ut to th e g ara ge. R ain m ak e it s m ell a lit tle s w am py. E ven w it h th e lig ht o n it 's d ark , a nd th ey a in 't n o fa ncy w allp ap er lik e in sid e th e h o use . F act, th ey r e ally a in 't n o pro per w alls a t a ll, ju st p ly b oard h am mere d to geth er. I w ond er if s h e g o ne b e s c are d .

"A lr ig ht, B ab y G ir l, h ere tis . A ib ile en's b ath ro om ." She s tic k h er h ead in a nd h er m outh m ak e th e s h ap e o f a C heerio . S he s a y, " O ooooo." I ta k e d ow n m y u nd erth in gs a nd I te e-te e r e al fa st, u se th e p ap er, a nd g et it a ll b ack o n b efo re s h e can r e ally s e e a nyth in g. T hen I flu sh .

"A nd th at's h o w y o u g o in th e to ile t," I s a y.

Well, d on't s h e lo ok s u rp ris e . G ot h er m outh h angin g o pen lik e s h e d one s e en a m ir a cle . I s te p o ut and fo re I k no w it , s h e g o t h er d ia p er o ff a nd th at lit tle m onk ey d one c lim bed o n th at to ile t, h o ld in g hers e lf u p s o s h e d on't fa ll in , g o in g te e-te e fo r h ers e lf .

"M ae M oble y! Y ou g o in g! T hat's r e al g o od!" S he s m ile a nd I c atc hes h er fo re s h e d ip d ow n in it .

We r u n b ack in sid e a nd s h e g et h er tw o c o okie s.

Late r o n, I g et h er o n h er p ot a nd s h e g o fo r m e a gain . T hat's th e h ard est p art, th o se fir s t c o up le a tim es. B y th e e nd a th e d ay, I fe el lik e I r e ally d one s o m eth in g. S he g ettin g to b e a p re tty g o od ta lk er and y o u c an g uess w hat th e n ew w ord a th e d ay is .

"W hat B ab y G ir l d o to day?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." "W hat th ey g o ne p ut in th e h is to ry b ooks n ext to th is d ay?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." I s a y, " W hat M is s H illy s m ell lik e?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." But I g et o nto m yse lf . I t w asn 't C hris tia n, p lu s I 'm a fr a id s h e r e p eat it .

LATE T H AT A FTER N OON, M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e w it h h er h air a ll te ase d u p . S he g o t a perm anent a nd s h e s m ell lik e p neum onia .

"G uess w hat M ae M oble y d one to day?" I s a y. " W ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l. " "O h, th at's w ond erfu l! " S he g iv e h er g ir l a h ug, s o m eth in g I d on't s e e e no ugh o f. I k no w s h e m ean it , to o, c ause M is s L eefo lt d o not lik e c hangin g d ia p ers .

I s a y, " Y ou g o t to m ak e s u re s h e g o in th e p ot fr o m n o w o n. I t's r e al c o nfu sin g fo r h er if y o u d on't ." Mis s L eefo lt s m ile , s a y, " A lr ig ht." "L et's s e e if s h e d o it o ne m ore tim e fo re I g o h o m e." W e g o in th e b ath ro om . I g et h er d ia p ers o ff and p ut h er u p o n th at to ile t. B ut B ab y G ir l, s h e s h ak in g h er h ead .

"C om e o n, M ae M oble y, c an't y o u g o in th e p ot fo r y o ur m am a?" "N oooo." Fin ally I p ut h er b ack d ow n o n h er fe et. " T hat's a lr ig ht, y o u d id r e al g o od to day." But M is s L eefo lt , s h e g o t h er lip s s tic k in g o ut a nd s h e h m phin g a nd fr o w nin g d ow n a t h er. B efo re I can g et h er d ia p er o n a gain , B ab y G ir l r u n o ff fa st a s s h e c an. N ek kid lit tle w hit e b ab y r u nnin g th ro ugh th e h o use . S he in th e k it c hen. S he g o t th e b ack d oor o pen, s h e in th e g ara ge, tr y in g to r e ach th e k no b to my b ath ro om . W e r u n a fte r h er a nd M is s L eefo lt p oin tin g h er fin ger. H er v o ic e g o a b out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " T his is n o t y o ur b ath ro om !" Bab y G ir l w aggin g h er h ead .

"M y b afro om !" Mis s L eefo lt s n atc h h er u p , g iv e h er a p op o n th e le g.

"M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't k no w w hat s h e d o--" "G et b ack in th e h o use , A ib ile en!" I h ate it , b ut I g o in th e k it c hen. I s ta nd in th e m id dle , le ave th e d oor o pen b ehin d m e.

"I d id n o t r a is e y o u to u se th e c o lo re d b ath ro om !" I h ear h er h is s-w his p erin g, th in k in g I c an't h ear, and I th in k , Lady, y o u d id n't r a is e y o ur c h ild a t a ll.

"T his is d ir ty o ut h ere , M ae M oble y. Y ou'll c atc h d is e ase s! N o n o n o !" A nd I h ear h er p op h er a gain and a gain o n h er b are le gs.

Afte r a s e co nd , M is s L eefo lt p ota to -sa ck h er in sid e. T here a in 't n o th in g I c an d o b ut w atc h it hap pen. M y h eart fe el lik e it 's s q ueezin g u p in to m y th ro at- p ip e. M is s L eefo lt d ro p M ae M oble y in fr o nt a th e te e-v ee a nd s h e m arc h to h er b ed ro om a nd s la m th e d oor. I g o g iv e B ab y G ir l a h ug. S he still c ry in g a nd s h e lo ok a w fu l c o nfu se d .

"I'm r e al s o rry , M ae M oble y," I w his p er to h er. I 'm c ussin g m yse lf fo r ta k in g h er o ut th ere in th e fir s t pla ce. B ut I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to s a y, s o I ju st h o ld h er.

We s e t th ere w atc hin g Li'l R asc a ls u ntil M is s L eefo lt c o m e o ut, a sk a in 't it p ast tim e fo r m e to g o . I tu ck m y b us d im e in m y p ock et. G iv e M ae M oble y o ne m ore h ug, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a good g ir l. " On th e r id e h o m e, I d on't s e e th e b ig w hit e h o use s p assin g o uts id e th e w in d ow . I d on't ta lk to m y maid fr ie nd s. I s e e B ab y G ir l g ettin g s p ank ed c ause a m e. I s e e h er lis te nin g to M is s L eefo lt c all m e dir ty , d is e ase d .

The b us s p eed s u p a lo ng S ta te S tr e et. W e p ass o ver th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge a nd m y ja w s o tig ht I c o uld b re ak m y te eth o ff. I fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in g in sid e a m e, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r Tre elo re d ie d . I w ant to y ell s o lo ud th at B ab y G ir l c an h ear m e th at d ir ty a in 't a c o lo r, d is e ase a in 't th e N egro s id e a to w n. I w ant to s to p th at m om ent fr o m c o m in g--a nd it c o m e in e ver w hit e c hild 's lif e --w hen th ey s ta rt to th in k th at c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a s g o od a s w hit e s.

We tu rn o n F aris h a nd I s ta nd u p c ause m y s to p b e c o m in g. I p ra y th at w asn 't h er m om ent. P ra y I still g o t tim e.

TH IN GS is R EA L Q UIE T th e n ext fe w w eek s. M ae M oble y's w earin g b ig -g ir l p antie s n o w . S he don't h ard ly e ver h ave n o a ccid ents . A fte r w hat h ap pen in th e g ara ge, M is s L eefo lt ta k e a r e al in te re st in M ae M oble y's b ath ro om h ab it s . S he e ven le t h er w atc h h er o n th e p ot, s e t th e w hit e exam ple . A fe w tim es, th o ugh, w hen h er m am a's g o ne, I s till c atc h h er tr y in g to g o in m in e.

Som etim es s h e d o it fo re I c an te ll h er n o .

"H ey, M is s C la rk ." R obert B ro w n, w ho d o M is s L eefo lt 's y ard , c o m e u p o n h er b ack s te p s. I t's n ic e and c o ol o ut. I o pen th e s c re en d oor.

"H ow y o u d oin g, s o n?" I s a y a nd p at h im o n th e a rm . " I h ear y o u w ork in g e ver y ard o n th e s tr e et." "Y es m a'a m . G ot tw o g uys m ow in g fo r m e." H e g rin . H e a h and so m e b oy, ta ll w it h s h o rt h air . W ent to h ig h s c ho ol w it h T re elo re . T hey w as g o od fr ie nd s, p la yed b ase b all to geth er. I to uch h im o n th e arm , ju st n eed in g to fe el it a gain .

"H ow y o ur G ra nm am a?" I a sk . I lo ve L ouvenia , s h e is th e s w eete st p ers o n liv in g. S he a nd R obert cam e to th e fu nera l to geth er. T his m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat's c o m in g n ext w eek . T he w ors t d ay a th e y ear.

"S he s tr o nger th an m e." H e s m ile . " I b e b y y o ur h o use o n S atu rd ay to m ow ." Tre elo re a lw ays d id m y m ow in g fo r m e. N ow R obert d oes it w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g, n ever w ill ta k e any m oney fo r it . " T hank y o u, R obert. I a p pre cia te it ." "Y ou n eed a nyth in g, y o u c all m e, a lr ig ht, M is s C la rk ?" "T hank y o u, s o n." I h ear th e d oorb ell r in g a nd I s e e M is s S keete r's c ar o ut fr o nt. M is s S keete r b een c o m in g o ver to Mis s L eefo lt 's e ver w eek th is m onth , to a sk m e th e M is s M yrn a q uestio ns. S he a sk a b out h ard wate r s ta in s a nd I te ll h er c re am o f ta rta r. S he a sk h o w y o u u nsc re w a lig htb ulb th at d one b ro ke o ff in th e s o ck et a nd I te ll h er a r a w p ota to . S he a sk m e w hat h ap pen w it h h er o ld m aid C onsta ntin e and h er m am a, a nd I g o c o ld . I th o ught if I to ld h er a lit tle , a fe w w eek s a go , a b out C onsta ntin e havin g a d aughte r, s h e'd le ave m e a lo ne a b out it a fte r th at. B ut M is s S keete r ju st k eep o n a sk in g m e questio ns. I c o uld te ll s h e d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy a c o lo re d w om an c an't r a is e n o w hit e -sk in b ab y in Mis sis sip pi. B e a h ard , lo nely lif e , n o t b elo ngin g h ere n o r th ere .

Ever tim e M is s S keete r fin is h a sk in g m e a b out h o w to c le an th e-th is o r fix th e-th at o r w here Consta ntin e, w e g et to ta lk in g a b out o th er th in gs to o. T hat's n o t s o m eth in g I d one a w ho le lo t w it h my b osse s o r th ey fr ie nd s. I fin d m yse lf te llin g h er h o w T re elo re n ever m ad e b elo w a B + o r th at th e new c hurc h d eaco n g et o n m y n erv es c ause h e lis p . L it tle b it s , b ut th in gs I o rd in arily w ould n't te ll a whit e p ers o n.

Today, I 'm tr y in g to e xp la in to h er th e d if fe re nce b etw een d ip pin g a nd p olis h in g th e s ilv er, h o w o nly th e ta ck y h o use s d o th e d ip c ause it 's fa ste r, b ut it d on't lo ok g o od. M is s S keete r c o ck h er h ead to th e s id e, w rin k le h er fo re head . " A ib ile en, r e m em ber th at . . . id ea T re elo re h ad ?" I n o d, fe el a p ric k le . I s h o uld a n ever s h are d th at w it h a w hit e w om an.

Mis s S keete r s q uin t h er e yes lik e s h e d id w hen s h e b ru ng u p th e b ath ro om th in g th at tim e. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out it . I 'v e b een w antin g to ta lk to y o u--" But fo re s h e c an fin is h , M is s L eefo lt c o m e in th e k it c hen a nd c atc h B ab y G ir l p la yin g w it h m y c o m b in m y p ock etb ook a nd s a y m ayb e M ae M oble y o ught to h ave h er b ath e arly to day. I te ll M is s Skeete r g o odbye, g o s ta rt th e tu b .

AFTER I S PEN T a Y EA R d re ad in g it , N ovem ber e ig hth fin ally c o m e. I s p ec I s le ep a b out tw o ho urs th e n ig ht b efo re . I w ak e u p a t d aw n a nd p ut a p ot a C om munit y c o ffe e o n th e s to veto p. M y back h urts w hen I b end o ver to g et m y h o se o n. F ore I w alk o ut th e d oor, th e p ho ne r in g.

"J u st c heck in g o n y o u. Y ou s le ep ?" "I d id a lr ig ht." "I'm o n b rin g y o u a c ara m el c ak e to nig ht. A nd I d on't w ant y o u to d o n o th in g b ut s e t in y o ur k it c hen and e at th e w ho le th in g fo r s u p per." I tr y to s m ile , b ut n o th in g c o m e o ut. I te ll M in ny th ank y o u.

Thre e y ears a go to day, T re elo re d ie d . B ut b y M is s L eefo lt 's b ook it 's s till flo or- c le anin g d ay.

Thank sg iv in g c o m in g in tw o w eek s a nd I g o t p le nty to d o to g et r e ad y. I s c ru b m y w ay th ro ugh th e morn in g, th ro ugh th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. I m is s m y s to rie s c ause th e la d ie s is in th e d in in g r o om havin g a B enefit m eetin g a nd I a in 't a llo w ed to tu rn o n th e te e-v ee w hen th ey's c o m pany. A nd th at's fin e. M y m usc le s is s h iv erin g th ey s o tir e d . B ut I d on't w ant a s to p m ovin g.

About fo ur o 'c lo ck , M is s S keete r c o m e in th e k it c hen. B efo re s h e c an e ven s a y h ello , M is s L eefo lt ru sh in b ehin d h er. " A ib ile en, I ju st fo und o ut M is su s F re d eric k s is d riv in g d ow n fr o m G re enw ood to m orro w a nd s ta yin g th ro ugh T hank sg iv in g. I w ant th e s ilv er s e rv ic e p olis h ed a nd a ll th e g uest to w els w ash ed . T om orro w I 'll g iv e y o u th e lis t o f w hat e ls e ." Mis s L eefo lt s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s S keete r lik e a in 't s h e g o t th e h ard est lif e in to w n a nd w alk s o ut. I g o o n a nd g et th e s ilv er s e rv ic e o ut th e d in in g r o om . L aw , I 'm a lr e ad y tir e d a nd I g o t to b e r e ad y to work th e B enefit n ext S atu rd ay n ig ht. M in ny a in 't c o m in g. S he to o s c are d s h e g o ne r u n in to M is s Hilly .

Mis s S keete r s till w ait in g o n m e in th e k it c hen w hen I c o m e b ack in . S he g o t a M is s M yrn a le tte r in her h and .

"Y ou g o t a c le anin g q uestio n?" I s ig h. " G o h ead ." "N ot r e ally . I ju st . . . I w ante d to a sk y o u . . . th e o th er d ay . . ." I ta k e a p lu g a P in e-O la c re am a nd s ta rt r u b bin g it o nto th e s ilv er, w ork in g th e c lo th a ro und th e r o se desig n, th e lip a nd th e h and le . G od, p le ase le t to m orro w c o m e s o on. I a in 't g o ne g o to th e g ra vesit e .

I c an't , it 'll b e to o h ard -- "A ib ile en? A re y o u fe elin g a lr ig ht? " I s to p, lo ok u p . R ealiz e M is s S keete r b een ta lk in g to m e th e w ho le tim e.

"I'm s o rry I 's ju st . . . th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g." "Y ou lo oked s o s a d ." "M is s S keete r." I fe el te ars c o m e u p in m y e yes, c ause th re e y ears ju st a in 't lo ng e no ugh. A h und re d years a in 't g o ne b e lo ng e no ugh. " Y ou m in d if I h elp y o u w it h th em q uestio ns to m orro w ?" Mis s S keete r s ta rt to s a y s o m eth in g, b ut th en s h e s to p h ers e lf . " O f c o urs e . I h o pe y o u fe el b ette r." I fin is h th e s ilv er s e t a nd th e to w els a nd te ll M is s L eefo lt I g o t to g o h o m e e ven th o ugh it 's h alf a h o ur early a nd s h e g o ne s h o rt m y p ay. S he o pen h er m outh lik e s h e w ant to p ro te st a nd I w his p er m y lie , I v om it e d , a nd s h e s a y go.

C ause b esid es h er o w n m oth er, th ere a in 't n o th in g M is s L eefo lt s c are d of m ore th an N egro d is e ase s.

"A LR IG HT T H EN . I 'll b e b ack in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'll p ull r ig ht u p h ere a t n in e fo rty -fiv e," M is s Leefo lt s a y th ro ugh th e p asse nger c ar w in d ow . M is s L eefo lt d ro ppin g m e o ff a t th e J it n ey 1 4 to p ic k up w hat e ls e w e n eed fo r T hank sg iv in g to m orro w .

"Y ou b rin g h er b ack th at r e ceip t, n o w ," M is s F re d eric k s, M is s L eefo lt 's m ean o ld m am a, s a y. T hey all th re e in th e fr o nt s e at, M ae M oble y s q ueeze d in th e m id dle w it h a lo ok s o m is e ra b le y o u th in k sh e a b out to g et a te ta nus s h o t. P oor g ir l. M is s F re d eric k s s u p pose d to s ta y tw o w eek s th is tim e.

"D on't fo rg et th e tu rk ey, n o w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y. " A nd tw o c ans o f c ra nb erry s a uce." I s m ile . I o nly b een c o okin g w hit e T hank sg iv in gs s in ce C alv in C oolid ge w as P re sid ent. "Q uit s q uir m in g, M ae M oble y," M is s F re d eric k s s n ap , " o r I 'll p in ch y o u." "M is s L eefo lt , le m me ta k e h er in th e s to re w it h m e. H elp m e w it h m y s h o ppin g." Mis s F re d eric k s a b out to p ro te st, b ut M is s L eefo lt s a y, " Ta ke h er," a nd fo re I k no w it , B ab y G ir l done w orm ed h er w ay o ver M is s F re d eric k s' la p a nd is c lim bin g o ut th e w in d ow in m y a rm s lik e I am th e L ord S avio r. I p ull h er u p o n m y h ip a nd th ey d riv e o ff to w ard F ortif ic atio n S tr e et, a nd B ab y Gir l a nd m e, w e g ig gle lik e a c o up le a s c ho olg ir ls .

I p ush o pen th e m eta l d oor, g et a c art, a nd p ut M ae M oble y u p fr o nt, s tic k h er le gs th ro ugh th e ho le s. L ong a s I g o t m y w hit e u nif o rm o n, I 'm a llo w ed to s h o p in th is J it n ey. I m is s th e o ld d ays, when y o u ju st w alk o ut to F ortif ic atio n S tr e et a nd th ere b e th e fa rm ers w it h th ey w heelb arro w s callin g o ut, " S w eet p ota to es, b utte r b eans, s tr in g b eans, o kra . F re sh c re am , b utte rm ilk , y ello w cheese , e ggs." B ut th e J it n ey a in 't s o b ad . L east th ey g o t th e g o od a ir - c o nd it io n.

"A lr ig hty , B ab y G ir l. L ess s e e w hat w e n eed ." In p ro duce, I p ic k o ut s ix s w eet p ota to es, th re e h and fu ls a s tr in g b eans. I g et a s m oked h am h o ck fr o m th e b utc her. T he s to re is b rig ht, lin ed u p n eat. N oth in g lik e th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly w it h sa w dust o n th e flo or. I t's m ostly w hit e la d ie s, s m ilin g, g o t th ey h air a lr e ad y fix ed a nd s p ra yed fo r to m orro w . F our o r fiv e m aid s is s h o ppin g, a ll in th ey u nif o rm s.

"P urp le s tu ff! " M ae M oble y s a y a nd I le t h er h o ld th e c an a c ra nb erry . S he s m ile a t it lik e it 's a o ld fr ie nd . S he lo ve th e p urp le s tu ff. I n d ry g o ods, I h eave th e tw o-p ound b ag a s a lt in th e c art, to b rin e th e tu rk ey in . I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and s, te n, e le ven, tw elv e. I f I 'm o n s o ak th e b ir d fo r fo urte en ho urs in th e s a lt w ate r, I 'll p ut it in th e b uck et a ro und th re e th is a fte rn o on. T hen I 'll c o m e in to M is s Leefo lt 's a t fiv e to m orro w m orn in g a nd c o ok th e tu rk ey fo r th e n ext s ix h o urs . I a lr e ad y b ak ed tw o pans a c o rn b re ad , le ft it to s ta le o n th e c o unte r to day to g iv e it s o m e c ru nch. I g o t a a p ple p ie r e ad y to b ak e, g o ne d o m y b is c uit s in th e m orn in g.

"R ead y fo r to m orro w , A ib ile en?" I tu rn a nd s e e F ra nny C oots b ehin d m e. S he g o to m y c hurc h, work fo r M is s C aro lin e o n M ansh ip . " H ey, c utie , lo ok a th em fa t le gs," s h e s a y to M ae M oble y.

Mae M oble y lic k th e c ra nb erry c an.

Fra nny b end h er h ead d ow n, s a y, " Y ou h ear w hat h ap pen to L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n th is morn in g?" "R obert? " I s a y. " W ho d o th e m ow in g?" "U se th e w hit e b ath ro om a t P in chm an L aw n a nd G ard en. S ay th ey w asn 't a s ig n u p s a yin g s o . T w o whit e m ens c hase d h im a nd b eat h im w it h a tir e ir o n." Oh n o . N ot Robert.

" H e . . . is h e . . . ? " Fra nny s h ak e h er h ead . " T hey d on't k no w . H e u p a t th e h o sp it a l. I h eard h e b lin d ." "G od, n o ." I c lo se m y e yes. L ouvenia , s h e is th e p ure st, k in d est p ers o n th ey is . S he r a is e d R obert afte r h er o w n d aughte r d ie d . "P oor L ouvenia . I d on't k no w w hy th e b ad h ave to h ap pen to th e g o odest o nes," F ra nny s a y.

TH AT A FTER N OON, I w ork lik e a c ra zy w om an, c ho ppin g o nio ns a nd c ele ry , m ix in g u p m y dre ssin g, r ic in g s w eet p ota to es, s tr in gin g th e b eans, p olis h in g s ilv er. I h eard fo lk s is h ead in g to Louvenia B ro w n's to nig ht a t fiv e-th ir ty to p ra y fo r R obert, b ut b y th e tim e I lif t th at tw enty -p ound tu rk ey in th e b rin e, I c an't b are ly r a is e m y a rm s.

I d on't fin is h c o okin g till s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht, tw o h o urs la te r th an u su al. I k no w I a in 't g o ne h ave th e s tr e ngth to g o k no ck o n L ouvenia 's d oor. I 'll h ave to d o it to m orro w a fte r I 'm d one c le anin g u p th e tu rk ey. I w ad dle m yse lf fr o m th e b us s to p, h ard ly a b le to k eep m y e yes o pen. I tu rn th e c o rn er on G essu m . A b ig w hit e C ad illa c's p ark ed in fr o nt a m y h o use . A nd th ere b e M is s S keete r in a r e d dre ss a nd r e d s h o es, s e ttin g o n m y fr o nt s te p s lik e a b ullh o rn .

I w alk r e al s lo w th ro ugh m y y ard , w ond erin g w hat it 's g o ne b e n o w . M is s S keete r s ta nd u p , h o ld in g her p ock etb ook tig ht lik e it m ig ht g et s n atc hed . W hit e p eo ple s d on't c o m e r o und m y n eig hb orh o od le ss th ey to tin g th e h elp to a nd fr o , a nd th at is ju st fin e w it h m e. I s p end a ll d ay lo ng te nd in g to w hit e peo ple s. I d on't n eed e m lo okin g in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I h o pe y o u d on't m in d m e c o m in g b y," s h e s a y. " I ju st . . . I d id n't k no w w here e ls e w e c o uld ta lk ." I s e t d ow n o n th e s te p a nd e ver k no b o n m y s p in e h urt. B ab y G ir l s o n erv o us a ro und h er Gra nm am a, s h e w et a ll o ver m e a nd I s m ell lik e it . T he s tr e et's fu ll a fo lk s w alk in g to s w eet Louvenia 's to p ra y fo r R obert, k id s p la yin g b all in th e s tr e et. E verb ody lo okin g o ver a t u s th in k in g I must b e g ettin g fir e d o r s o m eth in g.

"Y es m a'a m ," I s ig h. " W hat c an I d o fo r y o u?" "I h ave a n id ea. S om eth in g I w ant to w rit e a b out. B ut I n eed y o ur h elp ." I le t a ll m y b re ath o ut. I lik e M is s S keete r, b ut c o m e o n. S ure , a p ho ne c all w ould a b een n ic e. S he never w ould a ju st s h o w n u p o n s o m e w hit e la d y's s te p w it h o ut c allin g. B ut n o , s h e d one p lo pped hers e lf d ow n lik e s h e g o t e ver r ig ht to b arg e in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I w ant to in te rv ie w y o u. A bout w hat it 's lik e to w ork a s a m aid ." A r e d b all r o ll a fe w fe et in m y y ard . T he lit tle J o nes b oy r u n a cro ss th e s tr e et to g et it . W hen h e s e e Mis s S keete r, h e s to p d ead . T hen h e r u n a nd s n atc h it u p . H e tu rn a nd d ash o ff lik e h e s c are d s h e go ne g et h im .

"L ik e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n?" I s a y, fla t a s a p an. " B out c le anin g?" "N ot lik e M is s M yrn a. I 'm ta lk in g a b out a b ook," s h e s a y a nd h er e yes is b ig . S he e xcit e d . " S to rie s ab out w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r a w hit e fa m ily . W hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r, s a y . . . E liz a b eth ." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t h er. T his w hat s h e b een tr y in g to a sk m e th e p ast tw o w eek s in M is s L eefo lt kit c hen. " Y ou th in k M is s L eefo lt g o ne a gre e to th at? M e te llin g s to rie s a b out h er? " Mis s S keete r's e yes d ro p d ow n s o m e. " W ell, n o . I w as th in k in g w e w ould n't te ll h er. I 'll h ave to mak e s u re th e o th er m aid s w ill a gre e to k eep it s e cre t, to o." I s c ru nch u p m y fo re head , ju st s ta rtin g to g et w hat s h e's a sk in g. " O th er m aid s? " "I w as h o pin g to g et fo ur o r fiv e. T o r e ally s h o w w hat it 's lik e to b e a m aid in J a ck so n." I lo ok a ro und . W e o ut h ere in th e w id e o pen. D on't s h e k no w h o w d angero us th is c o uld b e, ta lk in g ab out th is w hile th e w ho le w orld c an s e e u s? " E xactly w hat k in d a s to rie s y o u th in k y o u g o ne h ear? " "W hat y o u g et p aid , h o w th ey tr e at y o u, th e b ath ro om s, th e b ab ie s, a ll th e th in gs y o u'v e s e en, g o od and b ad ." She lo oks e xcit e d , lik e th is is s o m e k in d a g am e. F or a s e co nd , I th in k I m ig ht b e m ore m ad th an I am tir e d .

"M is s S keete r," I w his p er, " d o th at n o t s o und k in d a d angero us to y o u?" "N ot if w e'r e c are fu l- -" "S hhh, p le ase . D o y o u k no w w hat w ould h ap pen to m e if M is s L eefo lt fin d o ut I ta lk ed b ehin d h er back ?" "W e w on't te ll h er, o r a nyo ne." S he lo w ers h er v o ic e s o m e, b ut n o t e no ugh. " T hese w ill b e p riv ate in te rv ie w s." I ju st s ta re a t h er. I s s h e c ra zy ? " D id y o u h ear a b out th e c o lo re d b oy th is m orn in g? O ne th ey b eat wit h a tir e ir o n fo r accid en ta lly u sin g th e w hit e b ath ro om ?" She ju st lo ok a t m e, b lin k a lit tle . " I k no w th in gs a re u nsta b le b ut th is is --" "A nd m y c o usin S hin elle in C aute r C ounty ? T hey b urn u p h er c ar c ause s h e w ent dow n to th e v o tin g sta tio n." "N o o ne's e ver w rit te n a b ook lik e th is ," s h e s a y, fin ally w his p erin g, fin ally s ta rtin g to u nd ers ta nd , I guess. " W e'd b e b re ak in g n ew g ro und . I t's a b ra nd -n ew p ers p ectiv e." I s p ot a flo ck a m aid s in th ey u nif o rm s w alk in g b y m y h o use . T hey lo ok o ver, s e e m e s e ttin g w it h a whit e w om an o n m y fr o nt s te p . I g rit m y te eth , a lr e ad y k no w m y p ho ne g o ne b e r in gin g to nig ht.

"M is s S keete r," a nd I s a y it s lo w , tr y to m ak e it c o unt, " I d o th is w it h y o u, I m ig ht a s w ell b urn m y ow n h o use d ow n." Mis s S keete r s ta rt b it in g h er n ail th en. " B ut I 'v e a lr e ad y . . ." S he s h ut h er e yes c lo se d tig ht. I th in k ab out a sk in g h er, Alr e a dy w hat, b ut I 'm k in d a s c are d to h ear w hat s h e g o ne s a y. S he r e ach in h er pock etb ook, p ull o ut a s c ra p a p ap er a nd w rit e h er te le p ho ne n um ber o n it . "P le ase , w ill y o u a t le ast th in k a b out it ? " I s ig h, s ta re o ut a t th e y ard . G entle a s I c an, I s a y, " N o m a'a m ." She s e t th e s c ra p a p ap er b etw een u s o n th e s te p , th en s h e g et in h er C ad illa c. I 'm to o tir e d to g et up . I ju st s ta y th ere , w atc h w hile s h e r o ll r e al s lo w d ow n th e r o ad . T he b oys p la yin g b all c le ar th e str e et, s ta nd o n th e s id e fr o ze n, lik e it 's a fu nera l c ar p assin g b y.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 8 I D RIV E D O W N G essu m A venue in M am a's C ad illa c. U p a head , a lit tle c o lo re d b oy in o vera lls w atc hes m e, w id e-e yed , g rip pin g a r e d b all. I lo ok in to m y r e arv ie w m ir ro r. A ib ile en is s till o n h er f r o nt s te p s in h er w hit e u nif o rm . S he h ad n't e ven lo oked a t m e w hen s h e s a id No m a'a m .

S he ju st k ep t h er e yes s e t o n th at y ello w p atc h o f g ra ss in h er y ard .

I g uess I th o ught it w ould b e lik e v is it in g C onsta ntin e, w here fr ie nd ly c o lo re d p eo ple w aved a nd s m ile d , h ap py to s e e th e lit tle w hit e g ir l w ho se d ad dy o w ned th e b ig fa rm . B ut h ere , n arro w e yes w atc h m e p ass b y. W hen m y c ar g ets c lo se to h im , th e lit tle c o lo re d b oy tu rn s a nd s c ats b ehin d a h o use a fe w d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's . H alf - a -d oze n c o lo re d p eo ple a re g ath ere d in th e fr o nt y ard o f t h e h o use , h o ld in g tr a ys a nd b ags. I r u b m y te m ple s. I tr y to th in k o f s o m eth in g m ore th at m ig ht c o nvin ce A ib ile en.

A W EEK A GO , P asc ago ula k no ck ed o n m y b ed ro om d oor.

" T here 's a lo ng d is ta nce p ho ne c all fo r y o u, M is s S keete r. F ro m a M is s . . . S te rn , s h e s a y?" " S te rn ?" I th o ught o ut lo ud . T hen I s tr a ig hte ned . " D o y o u m ean . . .

Ste in ?

" " I . . . I r e ck on it c o uld a b een S te in . S he ta lk k in d a h ard -so und in g." I r u sh ed p ast P asc ago ula , d ow n th e s ta ir s . F or s o m e s tu p id r e aso n, I k ep t s m ooth in g m y fr iz zy h air d ow n a s if it w ere a m eetin g a nd n o t a p ho ne c all. I n th e k it c hen, I g ra b bed th e p ho ne d anglin g a gain st th e w all.

T hre e w eek s e arlie r, I 'd ty p ed o ut th e le tte r o n S tr a th m ore w hit e . T hre e p ages o utlin in g th e id ea, th e d eta ils , a nd th e lie . W hic h w as th at a h ard w ork in g a nd r e sp ecte d c o lo re d m aid h as a gre ed to le t m e i n te rv ie w h er a nd d esc rib e in s p ecif ic s w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r th e w hit e w om en o f o ur to w n.

W eig hin g it a gain st th e a lt e rn ativ e, th at I pla nned to a sk a c o lo re d w om an fo r h elp , s a yin g s h e'd a lr e ad y a gre ed to it s e em ed in fin it e ly m ore a ttr a ctiv e.

I s tr e tc hed th e c o rd in to th e p antr y , p ulle d th e s tr in g o n th e s in gle b are b ulb . T he p antr y is s h elv ed f lo or to c eilin g w it h p ic k le s a nd s o up ja rs , m ola sse s, p ut- u p v egeta b le s, a nd p re se rv es. T his w as m y o ld h ig h s c ho ol tr ic k to g et s o m e p riv acy.

" H ello ? T his is E ugenia s p eak in g." " P le ase h o ld , I 'll p ut th e c all th ro ugh." I h eard a s e rie s o f c lic k s a nd th en a fa r, fa r a w ay v o ic e, a lm ost a s d eep a s a m an's , s a y, " E la in e S te in ." " H ello ? T his is S keet- -E ugenia P hela n in M is sis sip pi? " " I k no w , M is s P hela n. I c alle d y o u." I h eard a m atc h s tr ik e, a s h o rt, s h arp in hale . " I r e ceiv ed y o ur le tte r la st w eek . I h ave s o m e c o m ments ." "Y es m a'a m ." I s a nk d ow n o nto a ta ll tin c an o f K in g B is c uit flo ur. M y h eart th um ped a s I s tr a in ed to hear h er. A p ho ne c all fr o m N ew Y ork tr u ly s o und ed a s c ra ck ly a s a th o usa nd m ile s a w ay o ught to .

"W hat g ave y o u th is id ea? A bout in te rv ie w in g d om estic h o use k eep ers . I 'm c urio us." I s a t p ara ly ze d a s e co nd . S he o ffe re d n o c hattin g o r h ello , n o in tr o ductio n o f h ers e lf . I r e aliz e d it w as best to a nsw er h er a s in str u cte d . " I w as . . . w ell, I w as r a is e d b y a c o lo re d w om an. I 'v e s e en h o w sim ple it c an b e a nd --a nd h o w c o m ple x it c an b e b etw een th e fa m ilie s a nd th e h elp ." I c le are d m y th ro at. I s o und ed s tif f, lik e I w as ta lk in g to a te acher.

"C ontin ue." "W ell, " I to ok a d eep b re ath , " I'd lik e to w rit e th is s h o w in g th e p oin t o f v ie w o f th e h elp . T he c o lo re d wom en d ow n h ere ." I tr ie d to p ic tu re C onsta ntin e's fa ce, A ib ile en's . " T hey r a is e a w hit e c hild a nd th en tw enty y ears la te r th e c hild b eco m es th e e m plo yer. I t's th at ir o ny, th at w e lo ve th em a nd th ey lo ve u s, y et . . ." I s w allo w ed , m y v o ic e tr e m blin g. " W e d on't e ven a llo w th em to u se th e to ile t in th e ho use ." Again th ere w as s ile nce.

"A nd ," I fe lt c o m pelle d to c o ntin ue, " e very o ne k no w s h o w w e w hit e p eo ple fe el, th e g lo rif ie d Mam my fig ure w ho d ed ic ate s h er w ho le lif e to a w hit e fa m ily . M arg are t M it c hell c o vere d th at. B ut no o ne e ver a sk ed M am my h o w s h e fe lt a b out it ." S w eat d rip ped d ow n m y c hest, b lo ttin g th e fr o nt of m y c o tto n b lo use .

"S o y o u w ant to s h o w a s id e th at's n ever b een e xam in ed b efo re ," M is su s S te in s a id .

"Y es. B ecause n o o ne e ver ta lk s a b out it . N o o ne ta lk s a b out a nyth in g d ow n h ere ." Ela in e S te in la ughed lik e a g ro w l. H er a ccent w as tig ht, Y ank ee. " M is s P hela n, I liv ed in A tla nta . F or six y ears w it h m y fir s t h usb and ." I la tc hed o n to th is s m all c o nnectio n. " S o . . . y o u k no w w hat it 's lik e th en." "E no ugh to g et m e o ut o f th ere ," s h e s a id , a nd I h eard h er e xhale h er s m oke. " L ook, I r e ad y o ur outlin e. I t's c erta in ly ... o rig in al, b ut it w on't w ork . W hat m aid in h er r ig ht m in d w ould e ver te ll y o u th e tr u th ?" I c o uld s e e M oth er's p in k s lip pers p ass b y th e d oor. I tr ie d to ig no re th em . I c o uld n't b elie ve M is su s Ste in w as a lr e ad y c allin g m y b lu ff. " T he fir s t in te rv ie w ee is . . . e ager to te ll h er s to ry ." "M is s P hela n," E la in e S te in s a id , a nd I k new it w asn 't a q uestio n, " th is N egro a ctu ally a gre ed to ta lk to y o u c and id ly ? A bout w ork in g fo r a w hit e fa m ily ? B ecause th at s e em s lik e a h ell o f a r is k in a pla ce lik e J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " I s a t b lin k in g. I fe lt th e fir s t fin gers o f w orry th at A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e a s e asy to c o nvin ce a s I 'd th o ught. L it tle d id I k no w w hat s h e w ould s a y to m e o n h er fr o nt s te p s th e n ext w eek . "I w atc hed th em tr y to in te gra te y o ur b us s ta tio n o n th e n ew s," M is su s S te in c o ntin ued . " T hey ja m med fif ty -fiv e N egro es in a ja il c ell b uilt fo r fo ur." I p urs e d m y lip s. " S he h as a gre ed . Y es, s h e h as." "W ell. T hat is im pre ssiv e. B ut a fte r h er, y o u r e ally th in k o th er m aid s w ill ta lk to y o u? W hat if th e em plo yers fin d o ut? " "T he in te rv ie w s w ould b e c o nd ucte d s e cre tly . S in ce, a s y o u k no w , th in gs a re a lit tle d angero us d ow n here r ig ht n o w ." T he tr u th w as, I h ad v ery lit tle id ea h o w d angero us th in gs w ere . I 'd s p ent th e p ast fo ur y ears lo ck ed a w ay in th e p ad ded r o om o f c o lle ge, r e ad in g K eats a nd E ud ora W elt y a nd worry in g o ver te rm p ap ers .

"A lit tle d angero us? " S he la ughed . " T he m arc hes in B ir m in gham , M artin L uth er K in g. D ogs a tta ck in g co lo re d c hild re n. D arlin g, it 's th e h o tte st to pic in th e n atio n. B ut, I 'm s o rry , th is w ill n ever w ork . N ot as a n a rtic le , b ecause n o S outh ern n ew sp ap er w ould p ub lis h it . A nd c erta in ly n o t a s a b ook. A b ook of in te rv ie w s w ould n ever s e ll. " "O h," I h eard m yse lf s a y. I c lo se d m y e yes, fe elin g a ll th e e xcit e m ent d ra in o ut o f m e. I h eard m yse lf sa y a gain , " O h." "I c alle d b ecause , fr a nk ly , it 's a g o od id ea. B ut . . . th ere 's n o p ossib le w ay to ta k e it to p rin t." "B ut . . . w hat if . . ." M y e yes s ta rte d d artin g a ro und th e p antr y , lo okin g fo r s o m eth in g to b rin g b ack her in te re st. M ayb e I sh ould ta lk a b out it a s a n a rtic le , m ayb e a m agazin e, b ut s h e s a id n o -- "E ugenia , w ho a re y o u ta lk in g to in th ere ?" M oth er's v o ic e c ut th o ugh th e c ra ck . S he in ched th e door o pen a nd I y ank ed it c lo se d a gain . I c o vere d th e r e ceiv er, h is se d , " I'm ta lk in g to Hilly , M oth er- -" "In th e p antr y ? Y ou'r e lik e a te enager a gain --" "I m ean--" M is su s S te in le t o ut a s h arp ts k . " I s u p pose I c o uld r e ad w hat y o u g et. G od k no w s, th e book b usin ess c o uld u se s o m e r a ttlin g." "Y ou'd d o th at? O h M is su s S te in . . ." "I'm n o t s a yin g I 'm c o nsid erin g it . B ut... d o th e in te rv ie w a nd I 'll le t y o u k no w if it 's w orth p urs u in g." I s tu tte re d a fe w u nin te llig ib le s o und s, fin ally c o m in g o ut w it h , " Thank y o u. M is su s S te in , I c an't te ll yo u h o w m uch I a p pre cia te y o ur h elp ." "D on't th ank m e y et. C all R uth , m y s e cre ta ry , if y o u n eed to g et in to uch." A nd s h e h ung u p .

I lu g a n O ld S ATC HEL to b rid ge c lu b a t E liz a b eth 's o n W ed nesd ay. I t is r e d . I t is u gly . A nd fo r to day, a t le ast, it is a p ro p.

It's th e o nly b ag in M oth er's h o use I c o uld fin d la rg e e no ugh to c arry th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs . T he le ath er is c ra ck ed a nd fla k in g, th e th ic k s h o uld er s tr a p le aves a b ro w n m ark o n m y b lo use w here th e le ath er s ta in is r u b bin g o ff. I t w as m y G ra nd m oth er C la ir e 's g ard enin g b ag. S he u se d to c arry h er gard en to ols a ro und th e y ard in it a nd th e b otto m is s till lin ed w it h s u nflo w er s e ed s. I t m atc hes ab so lu te ly n o th in g I o w n a nd I d on't c are .

"T w o w eek s," H illy s a ys to m e, h o ld in g u p tw o fin gers . " H e's c o m in g." S he s m ile s a nd I s m ile b ack .

"I'll b e r ig ht b ack ," I s a y a nd I s lip in to th e k it c hen, c arry in g m y s a tc hel w it h m e.

Aib ile en is s ta nd in g a t th e s in k . " A fte rn o on," s h e s a ys q uie tly . I t w as a w eek a go th at I v is it e d h er a t her h o use .

I s ta nd th ere a m in ute , w atc hin g h er s tir th e ic ed te a, fe elin g th e d is c o m fo rt in h er p ostu re , h er d re ad th at I m ig ht b e a b out to a sk fo r h er h elp o n th e b ook a gain . I p ull a fe w h o use k eep in g le tte rs o ut and , s e ein g th is , A ib ile en's s h o uld ers r e la x a lit tle . A s I r e ad h er a q uestio n a b out m old s ta in s, s h e pours a lit tle te a in a g la ss, ta ste s it . S he s p oons m ore s u gar in th e p it c her.

"O h, fo re I fo rg et, I g o t th e a nsw er o n th at w ate r r in g q uestio n. M in ny s a y ju st r u b y o u a lit tle mayo nnais e o n it ." A ib ile en s q ueeze s h alf a le m on in th e te a. " T hen g o o n a nd th ro w th at n o -g o od husb and o ut th e d oor." S he s tir s , ta ste s. " M in ny d on't ta k e to o w ell to h usb and s." "T hank s, I 'll p ut th at d ow n," I s a y. A s c asu ally a s I c an, I p ull a n e nvelo pe fr o m m y b ag. " A nd h ere .

I'v e b een m eanin g to g iv e y o u th is ." Aib ile en s tif fe ns b ack in to h er c autio us p ose , th e o ne s h e h ad w hen I w alk ed in . " W hat y o u g o t th ere ?" s h e s a ys w it h o ut r e achin g fo r it .

"F or y o ur h elp ," I s a y q uie tly . " I'v e p ut a w ay fiv e d olla rs fo r e very a rtic le . I t's u p to th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs no w ." Aib ile en's e yes m ove q uic k ly b ack to h er te a. " N o th ank y o u, m a'a m ." "P le ase ta k e it , y o u'v e e arn ed it ." I h ear c hair s s c ra p in g o n w ood in th e d in in g r o om , E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"P le ase , M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit if s h e fin d y o u g iv in g m e c ash ," A ib ile en w his p ers .

"S he d oesn 't h ave to k no w ." Aib ile en lo oks u p a t m e. T he w hit e s o f h er e yes a re y ello w ed , tir e d . I k no w w hat s h e's th in k in g.

"I a lr e ad y to ld y o u, I 'm s o rry , I c an't h elp y o u w it h th at b ook, M is s S keete r." I s e t th e e nvelo pe o n th e c o unte r, k no w in g I 'v e m ad e a te rrib le m is ta k e. "P le ase . F in d y o u a no th er c o lo re d m aid . A y o ung'u n. S om eb ody... e ls e ." "B ut I d on't k no w a ny o th ers w ell e no ugh." I a m te m pte d to b rin g u p th e w ord fr ie n ds, b ut I 'm n o t th at n aiv e. I k no w w e'r e n o t fr ie nd s.

Hilly 's h ead p ops th ro ugh th e d oor. " C om e o n, S keete r, I 'm fix in g to d eal, " a nd s h e d is a p pears .

"I'm b eggin g y o u," A ib ile en s a ys, " p ut th at m oney a w ay s o M is s L eefo lt d on't s e e it ." I n o d, e m barra sse d . I tu ck th e e nvelo pe in m y b ag, k no w in g w e'r e w ors e o ff th an e ver. I t's a b rib e, sh e th in k s, to g et h er to le t m e in te rv ie w h er. A b rib e d is g uis e d a s g o odw ill a nd th ank s. I 'd b een wait in g to g iv e h er th e m oney a nyw ay, o nce it a d ded u p to s o m eth in g, b ut it 's tr u e, m y tim in g to day had b een d elib era te ly p la nned . A nd n o w I 'v e s c are d h er o ff fo r g o od.

"D arlin g, ju st tr y it o n y o ur h ead . I t c o st e le ven d olla rs . I t m ust b e g o od." Moth er h as m e c o rn ere d in th e k it c hen. I g la nce a t th e d oor to th e h all, th e d oor to th e s id e p orc h.

Moth er c o m es c lo se r, th e th in g in h and , a nd I 'm d is tr a cte d b y h o w th in h er w ris ts lo ok, h o w fr a il h er arm s a re c arry in g th e h eavy g ra y m achin e. S he p ush es m e d ow n in to a c hair , n o t s o fr a il a fte r a ll, a nd sq ueeze s a n o is y, fa rty tu b e o f g o o o n m y h ead . M oth er's b een c hasin g m e w it h th e M agic S oft & Silk y S hin ala to r fo r tw o d ays n o w .

She r u b s th e c re am in m y h air w it h b oth h and s. I c an p ra ctic ally fe el th e h o pe in h er fin gers . A c re am will n o t s tr a ig hte n m y n o se o r ta k e a fo ot o ff m y h eig ht. I t w on't a d d d is tin ctio n to m y a lm ost tr a nslu cent e yeb ro w s, n o r a d d w eig ht to m y b ony fr a m e. A nd m y te eth a re a lr e ad y p erfe ctly s tr a ig ht.

So th is is a ll s h e h as le ft to fix , m y h air .

Moth er c o vers m y d rip pin g h ead w it h a p la stic c ap . S he fa ste ns a h o se fr o m th e c ap in to a s q uare machin e.

"H ow lo ng d oes th is ta k e, M oth er? " She p ic k s u p th e b ookle t w it h a s tic k y fin ger. " It s a ys h ere , 'C over w it h th e M ir a cle S tr a ig hte nin g Cap , th en tu rn o n th e m achin e a nd w ait fo r th e m ir a culo us--' " "T en m in ute s? F if te en?" I h ear a c lic k , a r is in g r u m ble , th en fe el a s lo w , in te nse w arm th o n m y h ead . B ut s u d denly th ere 's a pop!

T he tu b e is lo ose fr o m th e m achin e a nd je rk in g a ro und lik e a m ad fir e ho se . M oth er s h rie k s, gra b s a t it a nd m is se s. F in ally , s h e s n atc hes it a nd r e atta ches it .

She ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd p ic k s u p th e b ookle t a gain . " T he M ir a cle C ap m ust r e m ain o n th e h ead fo r tw o h o urs w it h o ut r e m oval o r r e su lt s --" "T w o hours ?" "I'll h ave P asc ago ula fix y o u a g la ss o f te a, d ear." M oth er p ats m e o n th e s h o uld er a nd s w is h es o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor.

For tw o h o urs , I s m oke c ig are tte s a nd r e ad Lif e m agazin e. I fin is h To K ill a M ock in gbir d .

F in ally , I pic k u p th e Ja ck so n J o urn al , p ic k th ro ugh it . I t's F rid ay, s o th ere w on't b e a M is s M yrn a c o lu m n.

On p age fo ur, I r e ad :

Boy b lin ded o ver s e g re g ate d b ath ro om , s u sp ects q uestio ned .

I t s o und s . . .

fa m ilia r. I r e m em ber th en. T his m ust b e A ib ile en's n eig hb or.

Tw ic e th is w eek , I 'v e g o ne b y E liz a b eth 's h o use h o pin g s h e w ould n't b e h o m e, s o I c o uld ta lk to Aib ile en, tr y to fin d s o m e w ay to c o nvin ce h er to h elp m e. E liz a b eth w as h unched o ver h er s e w in g machin e, in te nt o n g ettin g a n ew d re ss r e ad y fo r th e C hris tm as s e aso n, a nd it is y et a no th er g re en go w n, c heap a nd fr a il. S he m ust'v e g o tte n a s te al a t th e b arg ain b in o n g re en m ate ria l. I w is h I c o uld go d ow n to K ennin gto n's a nd c harg e h er s o m eth in g n ew b ut ju st th e o ffe r w ould e m barra ss h er to death .

"S o, d o y o u k no w w hat y o u'r e w earin g fo r th e d ate ?" H illy 'd a sk ed th e s e co nd tim e I c am e b y.

"N ext S atu rd ay?" I'd s h ru gged . " I g uess I h ave to g o s h o ppin g." Ju st th en A ib ile en b ro ught a tr a y o f c o ffe e o ut a nd s e t it o n th e ta b le .

"T hank y o u." E liz a b eth n o dded to h er.

"W hy, th ank y o u, A ib ile en," H illy s a id , s u garin g h er c up . " I te ll y o u, y o u m ak e th e b est c o lo re d co ffe e in to w n." "T hank y o u, m a'a m ." "A ib ile en," H illy c o ntin ued , " h o w d o y o u lik e y o ur n ew b ath ro om o ut th ere ? I t's n ic e to h ave a p la ce of y o ur o w n, n o w is n 't it ? " Aib ile en s ta re d a t th e c ra ck in th e d in in g ta b le . " Y es m a'a m ." "Y ou k no w , M is te r H olb ro ok a rra nged fo r th at b ath ro om , A ib ile en. S ent th e b oys o ver a nd th e eq uip m ent, to o." H illy s m ile d .

Aib ile en ju st s to od th ere a nd I w is h ed I w asn 't in th e r o om .

Ple a se , I th o ught, ple a se d on't s a y th ank y o u.

"Y es m a'a m ." A ib ile en o pened a d ra w er a nd r e ached in sid e, b ut H illy k ep t lo okin g a t h er. I t w as s o obvio us w hat s h e w ante d .

Ano th er s e co nd p asse d w it h n o o ne m ovin g. H illy c le are d h er th ro at a nd fin ally A ib ile en lo w ere d h er head . " T hank y o u, m a'a m ," s h e w his p ere d . S he w alk ed b ack in to th e k it c hen. I t's n o w ond er s h e doesn 't w ant to ta lk to m e. At n o on, M oth er r e m oves th e v ib ra tin g c ap fr o m m y h ead , w ash es th e g o o fr o m m y h air w hile I le an back in th e k it c hen s in k . S he q uic k ly r o lls u p a d oze n c urle rs , p uts m e u nd er h er h air d ry er h o od in her b ath ro om .

An h o ur la te r, I e m erg e p in k a nd s o re head ed a nd th ir s ty . M oth er s ta nd s m e in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r, pullin g o ut c urle rs . S he b ru sh es o ut th e g ia nt c ir c ula r m ound s o n m y h ead .

We s ta re , d um bfo und ed .

"H o-ly s h it ," I s a y. A ll I 'm th in k in g is , The d ate . T he b lin d d ate is n ex t w eek en d.

Moth er s m ile s, s h o ck ed . S he d oesn 't e ven s c o ld m e fo r c urs in g. M y h air lo oks g re at. T he S hin ala to r actu ally w ork ed .

ch ap te r 9 O N S ATU RD AY, th e d ay o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth , I s it fo r tw o h o urs u nd er th e S hin ala to r ( re su lt s , it s e em s, o nly la st u ntil th e n ext w ash ). W hen I 'm d ry , I g o to K ennin gto n's a nd b uy th e f la tte st s h o es I c an fin d a nd a s lim b la ck c re p e d re ss. I h ate s h o ppin g, b ut I 'm g la d fo r th e d is tr a ctio n, to n o t h ave to w orry a b out M is su s S te in o r A ib ile en fo r a n a fte rn o on. I c harg e th e e ig hty -fiv e d olla rs to M oth er's a cco unt s in ce s h e's a lw ays b eggin g m e to g o b uy n ew c lo th es.

( "S om eth in g fla tte rin g fo r y o ur siz e .

") I k no w M oth er w ould p ro fo und ly d is a p pro ve o f th e c le avage t h e d re ss e nab le s m e to h ave. I 'v e n ever o w ned a d re ss lik e th is .

I n th e K ennin gto n's p ark in g lo t I s ta rt th e c ar, b ut c anno t d riv e fo r th e s u d den p ain s in m y s to m ach. I g rip th e w hit e p ad ded s te erin g w heel, te llin g m yse lf fo r th e te nth tim e th at it 's r id ic ulo us to w is h fo r s o m eth in g I 'll n ever h ave. T o th in k I k no w th e c o lo r b lu e h is e yes a re fr o m a b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to gra p h. T o c o nsid er s o m eth in g a c hance th at is n o th in g b ut p ap er a nd fila m ent a nd p ostp oned d in ners . B ut th e d re ss, w it h m y n ew h air , it a ctu ally lo oks p re tty g o od o n m e. A nd I c an't h elp b ut h o pe.

I T W AS F O UR M ONTH S A GO w hen H illy s h o w ed m e th e p ic tu re , o ut b ack b y h er s w im min g p ool. H illy w as ta nnin g in th e s u n, I w as fa nnin g in th e m urk y s h ad e. M y h eat r a sh h ad fla re d in J u ly a nd h ad n't s u b sid ed .

" I'm b usy," I s a id . H illy s a t o n th e e d ge o f th e p ool, s a ggy a nd p ost- p re gnant fa t, in exp lic ab ly c o nfid ent in h er b la ck s w im su it . H er s to m ach w as p aunchy, b ut h er le gs, a s a lw ays, w ere th in a nd p re tty .

" I h aven't e ven to ld y o u w hen h e's c o m in g," s h e s a id . " A nd h e c o m es fr o m s u ch a g o od fa m ily ." S he w as, o f c o urs e , ta lk in g a b out h er o w n. H e w as W illia m 's s e co nd c o usin r e m oved . " J u st m eet h im a nd s e e w hat y o u th in k ." I lo oked d ow n a t th e p ic tu re a gain . H e h ad c le ar o pen e yes, lig ht b ro w n c urly h air , w as th e ta lle st in a g ro up o f m en b y a la k e. B ut h is b ody w as h alf - h id den b y th e o th ers . H e m ust n o t h ave a ll h is l im bs.

" T here 's n o th in g wro ng w it h h im ," H illy s a id . " A sk E liz a b eth , s h e m et h im a t th e B enefit la st y ear w hile y o u w ere u p a t s c ho ol. N ot to m entio n, h e d ate d P atr ic ia v an D evend er fo r fo re ver." " P atr ic ia v an D evend er? " M ost B eautif u l a t O le M is s, tw o y ears in a r o w ?

" P lu s h e s ta rte d h is o w n o il b usin ess o ver in V ic k sb urg . S o if it d oesn 't w ork o ut, it 's n o t lik e y o u'll b e r u nnin g in to h im e very d ay in to w n." " A lr ig ht," I fin ally s ig hed , m ore th an a nyth in g to g et H illy o ff m y b ack .

IT 's P A ST T H REE O 'C LO CK B Y th e tim e I g et b ack h o m e fr o m b uyin g th e d re ss. I 'm s u p pose d to b e a t H illy 's a t s ix to m eet S tu art. I c heck th e m ir ro r. T he c urls a re s ta rtin g to fr a y o n th e e nd s, b ut re st o f m y h air is s till s m ooth . M oth er w as th rille d w hen I to ld h er I w ante d to tr y th e S hin ala to r again a nd w asn 't e ven s u sp ic io us o f w hy. S he d oesn 't k no w a b out m y d ate to nig ht a nd if s h e so m eho w fin d s o ut, th e n ext th re e m onth s w ill b e fu ll o f e xcru cia tin g q uestio ns lik e " D id h e c all? " a nd "W hat d id y o u d o w ro ng?" w hen it d oesn 't w ork o ut.

Moth er's d ow nsta ir s in th e r e la xin g r o om w it h D ad dy, h o lle rin g a t th e R eb el b ask etb all te am . M y bro th er, C arlt o n, is o n th e s o fa w it h h is s h in y n ew g ir lf r ie nd . T hey d ro ve u p th is a fte rn o on fr o m L SU .

She h as a d ark s tr a ig ht p onty ta il a nd w ears a r e d b lo use .

When I g et C arlt o n a lo ne in th e k it c hen, h e la ughs, y ank s m y h air lik e w e'r e k id s a gain . " S o h o w a re yo u, s is te r? " I te ll h im a b out th e jo b a t th e p ap er, th at I 'm e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. I a ls o te ll h im h e b ette r be m ovin g b ack h o m e a fte r la w s c ho ol. " Y ou d ese rv e s o m e o f M oth er's tim e to o. I 'm ta k in g m ore th an m y fa ir s h are h ere ," I s a y th ro ugh g rit te d te eth .

He la ughs lik e h e u nd ers ta nd s, b ut h o w c o uld h e r e ally ? H e's th re e y ears o ld er th an m e a nd g re at- lo okin g, ta ll w it h w avy b lo nd h air , fin is h in g L SU la w s c ho ol, p ro te cte d b y a h und re d a nd s e venty mile s o f b ad ly p aved r o ad s.

When h e g o es b ack to h is g ir lf r ie nd , I s e arc h fo r M oth er's c ar k eys, b ut I c an't fin d th em a nyw here .

It's a lr e ad y a q uarte r to fiv e. I g o a nd s ta nd in th e d oorw ay, tr y to c atc h M oth er's a tte ntio n. I h ave to wait fo r h er to fin is h fir in g q uestio ns a t P onyta il G ir l a b out h er p eo ple a nd w here s h e's fr o m , b ut Moth er w ill n o t le t u p u ntil s h e fin d s a t le ast o ne p ers o n th ey h ave in c o m mon. A fte r th at, it 's w hat so ro rit y th e g ir l w as in a t V and erb ilt , a nd s h e fin ally c o nclu d es b y a sk in g w hat h er s ilv er p atte rn is .

It's b ette r th an a h o ro sc o pe, M oth er a lw ays s a ys.

Ponyta il G ir l s a ys h er fa m ily p atte rn is C hantilly , b ut s h e'll b e p ic k in g o ut h er o w n n ew p atte rn w hen sh e g ets m arrie d . " S in ce I c o nsid er m yse lf a n in d ep end ent th in k er a nd a ll. " C arlt o n p ets h er o n th e head a nd s h e n ud ges a gain st h is h and lik e a c at. T hey b oth lo ok u p a t m e a nd s m ile .

"S keete r," P onyta il G ir l s a ys to m e a cro ss th e r o om , " y o u'r e s o lu ck y to c o m e fr o m a F ra ncis th e Fir s t fa m ily p atte rn . W ill y o u k eep it w hen y o u g et m arrie d ?" "F ra ncis th e F ir s t is ju st d re am y," I b eam . " W hy, I p ull th o se fo rk s o ut a ll th e tim e ju st to lo ok a t th em ." Moth er n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. I m otio n h er to th e k it c hen, b ut a no th er te n m in ute s p ass u ntil s h e co m es in .

"W here in th e w orld a re y o ur k eys, M am a? I 'm la te fo r H illy 's . I 'm s ta yin g th ere to nig ht." "W hat? B ut C arlt o n's h o m e. W hat's h is n ew fr ie nd g o in g to th in k if y o u le ave fo r s o m eth in g b ette r to do?" I'v e p ut o ff te llin g h er th is b ecause I k new , w heth er C arlt o n w as h o m e o r n o t, it w ould tu rn in to a n arg um ent.

"A nd P asc ago ula m ad e a r o ast a nd D ad dy's g o t th e w ood a ll r e ad y fo r a fir e to nig ht in th e r e la xin g ro om ." "It's e ig hty -fiv e d egre es o uts id e, M am a." "N ow lo ok. Y our b ro th er is h o m e a nd I e xp ect y o u to b ehave lik e a g o od s is te r. I d on't w ant y o u le avin g u ntil y o u'v e h ad a n ic e lo ng v is it w it h th is g ir l. " S he's lo okin g a t h er w atc h w hile I r e m in d myse lf I 'm tw enty -th re e y ears o ld . " P le ase , d arlin g," s h e s a ys a nd I s ig h a nd c arry a d am n tr a y o f min t ju le p s o ut to th e o th ers .

"M am a," I s a y b ack in th e k it c hen a t fiv e tw enty -e ig ht. " I'v e g o t to g o . W here a re y o ur k eys? H illy 's wait in g o n m e." "B ut w e h aven't e ven h ad th e p ig s in a b la nk et y et." "H illy 's g o t . . . a s to m ach b ug," I w his p er. " A nd h er h elp d oesn 't c o m e in to m orro w . S he n eed s m e to w atc h th e k id s." Moth er s ig hs. " I g uess th at m eans y o u'r e g o in g to c hurc h w it h th em to o. A nd I th o ught w e c o uld a ll go to m orro w a s a fa m ily . H ave S und ay d in ner to geth er." "M am a, p le ase ," I s a y, r u m magin g th ro ugh a b ask et w here s h e k eep s h er k eys. " I c an't fin d y o ur keys anyw here .

" "Y ou c an't ta k e th e C ad illa c o vern ig ht. T hat's o ur g o od S und ay c hurc h c ar." He's g o in g to b e a t H illy 's in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'm s u p pose d to d re ss a nd d o m y m ak eup a t H illy 's s o Moth er w on't s u sp ect a nyth in g. I c an't ta k e D ad dy's n ew tr u ck . I t's fu ll o f fe rtiliz e r a nd I k no w h e'll need it a t d aw n to m orro w .

"A lr ig ht, I 'll ta k e th e o ld tr u ck , th en." "I b elie ve it h as a tr a ile r o n it . G o a sk y o ur d ad dy." But I c an't a sk D ad dy b ecause I c an't g o th ro ugh th is in fr o nt o f th re e o th er p eo ple w ho w ill lo ok a ll hurt th at I 'm le avin g, s o I g ra b th e o ld tr u ck k eys a nd s a y, " It d oesn 't m atte r. I 'm ju st g o in g s tr a ig ht to Hilly 's ," a nd I h uff o uts id e o nly to fin d th at n o t o nly d oes th e o ld tr u ck h ave a tr a ile r h it c hed to it , b ut a h alf - to n tr a cto r o n to p o f th at tr a ile r.

So I d riv e in to to w n fo r m y fir s t d ate in tw o y ears in a r e d 1 941 C hevro le t fo ur- o n-th e-flo or w it h a Jo hn D eere m oto r g ra d er h o oked b ehin d m e. T he e ngin e s p utte rs a nd c hurn s a nd I w ond er if th e tr u ck w ill m ak e it . C hunk s o f m ud s p ra y b ehin d m e o ff th e tir e s. T he e ngin e s ta lls o n th e m ain r o ad , se nd in g m y d re ss a nd b ag fly in g o nto th e d ir ty flo or. I h ave to r e sta rt tw ic e.

At fiv e fo rty -fiv e, a b la ck th in g s tr e ak s o ut in fr o nt o f m e a nd I fe el a th unk . I tr y to s to p b ut bra k in g's ju st n o t s o m eth in g y o u c an d o v ery q uic k ly w it h a 1 0,0 00-p ound p ie ce o f m achin ery behin d y o u. I g ro an a nd p ull o ver. I h ave to g o c heck . R em ark ab ly , th e c at s ta nd s u p , lo oks a ro und stu nned , a nd s h o ots b ack in to th e w oods a s q uic k ly a s it c am e.

At th re e m in ute s to s ix , a fte r d oin g tw enty in a fif ty w it h h o rn s h o nk in g a nd te enagers h o lle rin g a t m e, I p ark d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m H illy 's h o use s in ce H illy 's c ul- d e-sa c d oesn 't p ro vid e a d eq uate p ark in g fo r fa rm e q uip m ent. I g ra b m y b ag a nd r u n in sid e w it h o ut e ven k no ck in g, a ll o ut o f b re ath a nd sw eaty a nd w in d blo w n a nd th ere th ey a re , th e th re e o f th em , in clu d in g m y d ate . H avin g h ig hb alls in th e fr o nt liv in g r o om .

I fr e eze in th e e ntr a nce h all w it h a ll o f th em lo okin g a t m e. W illia m a nd S tu art b oth s ta nd u p . G od, he's ta ll, h as a t le ast fo ur in ches o ver m e. H illy 's e yes a re b ig w hen s h e g ra b s m y a rm . " B oys, w e'll be r ig ht b ack . Y 'a ll ju st s it tig ht a nd ta lk a b out q uarte rb ack s o r s o m eth in g." Hilly w his k s m e o ff to h er d re ssin g r o om a nd w e b oth s ta rt g ro anin g. I t's ju st s o g o ddam n a w fu l.

"S keete r, y o u d on't e ven h ave lip stic k o n! Y our h air lo oks lik e a r a t's n est! " "I k no w , lo ok a t m e!" A ll tr a ces o f th e S hin ala to r's m ir a cle a re g o ne. " T here 's n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g in th e tr u ck . I h ad to r id e w it h th e d am n w in d ow s d ow n." I s c ru b m y fa ce a nd H illy s it s m e in h er d re ssin g r o om c hair . S he s ta rts c o m bin g m y h air o ut th e w ay my m oth er u se d to d o, tw is tin g it in to th ese g ia nt r o lle rs , s p ra yin g it w it h F in al N et.

"W ell? W hat d id y o u th in k o f h im ?" s h e a sk s.

I s ig h a nd c lo se m y u nm asc ara ed e yes. " H e lo oks h and so m e." I s m ear th e m ak eup o n, s o m eth in g I h ard ly e ven k no w h o w to d o. H illy lo oks a t m e a nd s m ud ges it off w it h a tis su e, r e ap plie s it . I s lip in to th e b la ck d re ss w it h th e d eep V in th e fr o nt, th e b la ck Delm an fla ts . H illy q uic k ly b ru sh es o ut m y h air . I w ash m y a rm pit s w it h a w et r a g a nd s h e r o lls h er eyes a t m e.

"I h it a ca t ," I s a y.

"H e's a lr e ad y h ad tw o d rin k s w ait in g o n y o u." I s ta nd u p a nd s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " A lr ig ht," I s a y, " g iv e it to m e. O ne to te n." Hilly lo oks m e u p a nd d ow n, s to ps o n th e d ip in th e fr o nt o f th e d re ss. S he r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. I 'v e never s h o w n c le avage b efo re in m y lif e ; k in d o f fo rg o t I h ad it .

"S ix ," s h e s a ys, lik e s h e is s u rp ris e d h ers e lf .

We ju st lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . H illy le ts o ut a lit tle s q ueal a nd I s m ile b ack . H illy 's n ever g iv en me h ig her th an a fo ur. When w e c o m e b ack in to th e fr o nt liv in g r o om , W illia m 's p oin tin g h is fin ger a t S tu art. " I'm g o in g to ru n fo r th at s e at a nd b y G od, w it h y o ur d ad dy's --" "S tu art W hit w orth ," H illy a nno unces, " I'd lik e to in tr o duce S keete r P hela n." He s ta nd s u p , a nd fo r a m in ute m y h ead is p erfe ctly q uie t in sid e. I m ak e m yse lf lo ok, lik e s e lf - in flic te d to rtu re , a s h e ta k es m e in .

"S tu art h ere w ent to s c ho ol o ver a t th e U niv ers it y o f A la b am a," W illia m s a ys, a d din g, " R oll T id e." "N ic e to m eet y o u." S tu art flip s m e a b rie f s m ile . T hen h e ta k es a lo ng s lu rp o f h is d rin k u ntil I h ear th e ic e c lin k a gain st h is te eth . " S o w here w e o ff to ?" h e a sk s W illia m .

We ta k e W illia m 's O ld sm obile to th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. S tu art o pens m y d oor a nd s it s b esid e m e in th e b ack , b ut th en le ans o ver th e s e at ta lk in g to W illia m a b out d eer s e aso n th e r e st o f th e r id e.

At th e ta b le , h e p ulls o ut m y c hair fo r m e a nd I s it , s m ile , s a y th ank y o u.

"Y ou w ant a d rin k ?" h e a sk s m e, n o t lo okin g m y w ay.

"N o, th ank s. J u st w ate r, p le ase ." He tu rn s to th e w ait e r a nd s a ys, " D oub le O ld K entu ck y s tr a ig ht w it h a w ate r b ack ." I g uess it 's s o m e tim e a fte r h is fif th b ourb on, I s a y, " S o H illy te lls m e y o u'r e in th e o il b usin ess. T hat must b e in te re stin g." "T he m oney's g o od. I f th at's w hat y o u r e ally w ant to k no w ." "O h, I d id n't . . ." B ut I s to p b ecause h e's c ra nin g h is n eck a t s o m eth in g. I lo ok u p a nd s e e h e's sta rin g a t a w om an w ho 's a t th e d oor, a b usty b lo nd e w it h r e d lip stic k a nd a tig ht g re en d re ss.

Willia m tu rn s to s e e w hat S tu art's lo okin g a t, b ut h e s w in gs b ack a ro und q uic k ly . H e s h ak es h is h ead no , v ery s lig htly , a t S tu art a nd I s e e, h ead in g o ut th e d oor, it 's H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd , J o hnny F oote , wit h h is n ew w if e , C elia . T hey le ave a nd W illia m a nd I g la nce a t e ach o th er, s h arin g o ur r e lie f th at Hilly d id n't s e e th em .

"L ord , th at g ir l's h o t a s T unic a b la ck to p," S tu art s a ys u nd er h is b re ath a nd I s u p pose th at's w hen I ju st s to p c arin g w hat h ap pens.

At s o m e p oin t, H illy lo oks a t m e to s e e w hat's g o in g o n. I s m ile lik e e very th in g's fin e a nd s h e s m ile s back , h ap py to s e e it 's a ll w ork in g o ut. " W illia m ! T he lie ute nant g o vern o r ju st w alk ed in . L et's g o sp eak b efo re h e s it s d ow n." They g o o ff to geth er, le avin g u s, th e tw o lo veb ir d s s it tin g o n th e s a m e s id e o f th e ta b le , s ta rin g a t a ll th e h ap py c o up le s in th e r o om .

"S o," h e s a ys, h ard ly tu rn in g h is h ead . " Y ou e ver g o to a ny o f th e A la b am a fo otb all g am es? " I n ever e ven m ad e it to C olo nel F ie ld a nd th at w as fiv e th o usa nd y ard s fr o m m y b ed . " N o, I 'm n o t re ally a fo otb all fa n." I lo ok a t m y w atc h. I t's h ard ly s e ven fif te en.

"T hat s o ." H e e yes th e d rin k th e w ait e r h as h and ed h im lik e h e'd r e ally e njo y d ow nin g it . " W ell, w hat do y o u d o w it h y o ur tim e?" "I w rit e a . . . d om estic m ain te nance c o lu m n fo r th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

" He w rin k le s h is b ro w , th en la ughs. " D om estic m ain te nance. Y ou m ean . . . h o use k eep in g?" I n o d.

"J e su s." H e s tir s h is d rin k . " I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g w ors e th an r e ad in g a c o lu m n o n h o w to c le an ho use ," h e s a ys, a nd I n o tic e th at h is fr o nt to oth is th e s lig hte st b it c ro oked . I lo ng to p oin t th is im perfe ctio n o ut to h im , b ut h e fin is h es h is th o ught w it h , " E xcep t m ayb e w rit in g it ." I ju st s ta re a t h im .

"S ound s lik e a p lo y to m e, to fin d a h usb and . B eco m in g a n e xp ert o n k eep in g h o use ." "W ell, y o u m ust b e a g eniu s. Y ou'v e fig ure d o ut m y w ho le s c hem e." "Is n 't th at w hat y o u w om en fr o m O le M is s m ajo r in ? P ro fe ssio nal h usb and h untin g?" I w atc h h im , d um bfo und ed . I m ay n o t'v e h ad a d ate in u m pte en y ears , b ut w ho d oes h e th in k h e is ?

"I'm s o rry , b ut w ere y o u d ro pped o n y o ur h ead a s a n in fa nt? " He b lin k s a t m e, th en la ughs fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht.

"N ot th at it 's a ny o f y o ur b usin ess," I s a y, " b ut I h ad to s ta rt s o m ew here if I p la n o n b ein g a jo urn alis t." I th in k I 'v e a ctu ally im pre sse d h im . B ut th en h e th ro w s b ack th e d rin k a nd th e lo ok is go ne.

We e at d in ner, a nd fr o m h is p ro file I c an s e e h is n o se is a lit tle p oin ty . H is e yeb ro w s a re to o th ic k , and h is lig ht b ro w n h air to o c o ars e . W e s a y lit tle e ls e , to e ach o th er a t le ast. H illy c hats , th ro w in g th in gs o ur w ay lik e, " S tu art, S keete r h ere liv es o n a p la nta tio n ju st n o rth o f to w n. D id n't th e s e nato r gro w u p o n a p eanut fa rm ?" Stu art o rd ers y et a no th er d rin k .

When H illy a nd I g o to th e b ath ro om , s h e g iv es m e a h o pefu l s m ile . " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" "H e's . . . ta ll, " I s a y, s u rp ris e d s h e h asn 't n o tic ed th at n o t o nly is m y d ate in exp lic ab ly r u d e, b ut dro p-d ead d ru nk .

The e nd o f th e m eal fin ally c o m es a nd h e a nd W illia m s p lit th e c heck . S tu art s ta nd s u p a nd h elp s m e wit h m y ja ck et. A t le ast h e h as n ic e m anners .

"J e su s, I 'v e n ever m et a w om an w it h s u ch lo ng a rm s," h e s a ys. "W ell, I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody w it h s u ch a d rin k in g p ro ble m ." "Y our c o at s m ells lik e--" H e le ans d ow n a nd s n if fs it , g rim acin g. " Fertiliz e r.

" He s tr id es o ff to th e m en's r o om a nd I w is h I c o uld d is a p pear.

The c ar r id e, a ll th re e m in ute s o f it , is im possib ly s ile nt. A nd lo ng.

We g o b ack in sid e H illy 's h o use . Y ule M ay c o m es o ut in h er w hit e u nif o rm , s a ys, " T hey a ll fin e, w ent to b ed g o od," a nd s h e s lip s o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor. I e xcuse m yse lf to th e b ath ro om .

"S keete r, w hy d on't y o u d riv e S tu art h o m e?" W illia m s a ys w hen I c o m e o ut. " I'm b ush ed , a re n't y o u, Hilly ?" Hilly 's lo okin g a t m e lik e s h e's tr y in g to fig ure o ut w hat I w ant to d o. I th o ught I 'd m ad e it o bvio us when I s ta yed in th e b ath ro om fo r te n m in ute s.

"Y our . . . c ar's n o t h ere ?" I a sk th e a ir in fr o nt o f S tu art.

"I d on't b elie ve m y c o usin 's in a p osit io n to d riv e." W illia m la ughs. E very o ne's q uie t a gain .

"I c am e in a tr u ck ," I s a y. " I'd h ate fo r y o u to . . ." "S ho ot," W illia m s a ys, s la p pin g S tu art o n th e b ack . " S tu art d oesn 't m in d r id in g in a tr u ck , d o y o u, bud dy?" "W illia m ," H illy s a ys, " w hy d on't y o u d riv e a nd , S keete r, y o u c an r id e a lo ng." "N ot m e, I 'm to o b ooze d u p m yse lf ," W illia m s a ys e ven th o ugh h e ju st d ro ve u s h o m e.

Fin ally , I ju st w alk o ut th e d oor. S tu art fo llo w s m e, d oesn 't c o m ment th at I d id n't p ark in fr o nt o f Hilly 's h o use o r in H illy 's d riv ew ay. W hen w e g et to m y tr u ck , w e b oth s to p, s ta re a t th e fif te en-fo ot tr a cto r h o oked b ehin d m y v ehic le .

"Y ou p ulle d th at th in g a ll b y y o urs e lf ? " I s ig h. I g uess it 's b ecause I 'm a b ig p ers o n a nd h ave n ever fe lt p etit e o r p artic ula rly fe m in in e o r g ir ly , but th at tr a cto r. I t ju st s e em s to s u m u p s o m uch.

"T hat is th e fu nnie st d am n lo okin g th in g I h ave e ver s e en," h e s a ys.

I s te p a w ay fr o m h im . " H illy c an ta k e y o u," I s a y. " H illy w ill d riv e y o u." H e tu rn s a nd fo cuse s o n m e fo r w hat, I 'm p re tty s u re , is th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht. A fte r s e vera l lo ng m om ents o f s ta nd in g th ere b ein g lo oked a t, m y e yes fill w it h te ars . I 'm ju st s o tir e d .

"A h, s h it ," h e s a ys a nd h is b ody lo ose ns. " L ook, I to ld H illy I w asn 't r e ad y fo r a ny d am n d ate ." "D on't . . ." I s a y, b ack in g a w ay fr o m h im , a nd I h ead b ack to th e h o use .

SU N DAY M ORN IN G I G ET u p E A RLY , b efo re H illy a nd W illia m , b efo re th e k id s a nd th e c hurc h tr a ffic . I d riv e h o m e w it h th e tr a cto r r u m blin g b ehin d m e. T he fe rtiliz e r s m ell g iv es m e a h ango ver even th o ugh I h ad n o th in g b ut w ate r la st n ig ht.

I'd g o ne b ack in H illy 's h o use la st n ig ht, S tu art tr a ilin g b ehin d m e. K no ck in g o n H illy 's b ed ro om door, I a sk ed W illia m , w ho a lr e ad y h ad a m outh fu ll o f to oth p aste , w ould h e m in d d riv in g S tu art ho m e. I 'd w alk ed u p sta ir s to th e g uest r o om b efo re h e e ven a nsw ere d .

I s te p o ver D ad dy's d ogs o n th e p orc h, g o in to m y p are nts ' h o use . A s s o on a s I s e e M oth er, I g iv e her a h ug. W hen s h e tr ie s to le t g o , I c an't le t h er.

"W hat is it , S keete r? Y ou d id n't c atc h H illy 's s to m ach b ug, d id y o u?" "N o, I 'm fin e." I w is h I c o uld te ll h er a b out m y n ig ht. I fe el g uilt y fo r n o t b ein g n ic er to h er, fo r n o t need in g h er u ntil m y o w n lif e tu rn s b ad . I fe el b ad fo r w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere in ste ad .

Moth er p ats m y w in d blo w n h air d ow n s in ce it m ust b e a d din g a t le ast tw o in ches to m y h eig ht. " Y ou su re y o u'r e n o t fe elin g b ad ?" "I'm a lr ig ht, M am a." I a m to o tir e d to r e sis t. I a che lik e s o m eo ne k ic k ed m e in th e s to m ach. W it h boots o n. I t w on't g o a w ay.

"Y ou k no w ," s h e s a ys, s m ilin g, " I th in k th is m ig ht b e th e o ne fo r C arlt o n." "G ood, M am a," I s a y. " I'm r e ally g la d fo r h im ." AT E LEV EN O 'C LO CK th e n ext m orn in g, th e p ho ne r in gs. L uck ily , I 'm in th e k it c hen a nd p ic k it up .

"M is s S keete r? " I s ta nd v ery s till, th en lo ok o ut a t M oth er e xam in in g h er c heck book a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

Pasc ago ula is p ullin g a r o ast o ut o f th e o ven. I g o in to th e p antr y a nd s h ut th e d oor.

"A ib ile en?" I w his p er.

She's q uie t a s e co nd a nd th en s h e b lu rts it o ut. " W hat if - -w hat if y o u d on't lik e w hat I g o t to s a y? I mean, a b out w hit e p eo ple s." "I- -I . . . th is is n 't a b out m y o pin io n," I s a y. " It d oesn 't m atte r h o w I fe el. " "B ut h o w I k no w y o u a in 't g o ne g et m ad , tu rn a ro und o n m e?" "I d on't . . . I g uess y o u'll ju st h ave to . . . tr u st m e." I h o ld m y b re ath , h o pin g, w ait in g. T here is a lo ng p ause .

"L aw h ave m erc y. I r e ck on I 'm o n d o it ." " Aib ile en .

" M y h eart is p ound in g. " Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch I a p pre cia te --" "M is s S keete r, w e g o ne h ave to b e r e al c are fu l. " "W e w ill, I pro m is e .

" "A nd y o u g o ne h ave to c hange m y n am e. M in e, M is s L eefo lt 's , e verb ody's ." "O f c o urs e ." I s h o uld 'v e m entio ned th is . " W hen c an w e m eet? Where c an w e m eet? " "C an't d o it in th e w hit e n eig hb orh o od, th at's fo r s u re . I g uess . . . w e g o ne h ave to d o it o ver a t m y ho use ." "D o y o u k no w a ny o th er m aid s w ho m ig ht b e in te re ste d ?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh M is su s S te in h as o nly agre ed to r e ad o ne. B ut I h ave to b e r e ad y, o n th e s lim c hance s h e lik es it .

Aib ile en is q uie t a m om ent. " I g uess I c o uld a sk M in ny. B ut s h e a in 't r e al k een o n ta lk in g to w hit e peo ple s." "M in ny? Y ou m ean . . . M is su s W alt e rs ' o ld m aid ," I s a y, fe elin g s u d denly h o w in cestu o us th is is tu rn in g. I w ould n't ju st b e p eerin g in to E liz a b eth 's lif e , b ut H illy 's to o.

"M in ny g o t h er s o m e s to rie s. S ho n uff." "A ib ile en," I s a y. " T hank y o u. O h, th ank y o u." "Y es m a'a m ." "I ju st . . . I h ave to a sk y o u. W hat c hanged y o ur m in d ?" Aib ile en d oesn 't e ven p ause . " M is s H illy ," s h e s a ys.

I g o q uie t, th in k in g o f H illy 's b ath ro om p la n a nd a ccusin g th e m aid o f s te alin g a nd h er ta lk o f dis e ase s. T he n am e c o m es o ut fla t, b it te r a s a b ad p ecan.

MIN NY ch ap te r 1 0 I W ALK I N TO W ORK w it h o ne th in g o n m y m in d . T oday is th e fir s t d ay o f D ecem ber a nd w hile t h e r e st o f th e U nit e d S ta te s is d ustin g o ff th eir m anger s c enes a nd p ullin g o ut th eir o ld s tin k y s to ck in gs, I 'v e g o t a no th er m an I 'm w ait in g o n. A nd it 's n o t S anty C la us a nd it 's n o t th e B ab y J e su s.

I t's M is te r J o hnny F oote , J r., w ho w ill le arn th at M in ny J a ck so n is h is m aid o n C hris tm as E ve.

I a m w ait in g o n th e tw enty -fo urth lik e a c o urt d ate . I d on't k no w w hat M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to d o w hen h e fin d s o ut I 'm w ork in g h ere . M ayb e h e'll s a y, G ood! C om e c le an m y k it c hen a nytim e!

H ere 's s o m e m oney! B ut I 'm n o t th at s tu p id . T his s e cre t- k eep in g is w ay to o fis h y fo r h im to b e s o m e s m ilin g w hit e y w antin g to g iv e m e a r a is e . T here 's a g o od c hance I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b c o m e C hris tm as D ay.

I t's e atin g m e u p , n o t k no w in g, b ut w hat I d o k no w is , a m onth a go , I d ecid ed th ere h ad to b e a m ore d ig nif ie d w ay to d ie th an h avin g a h eart a tta ck s q uattin g o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t lid . A nd a fte r a ll th at, it w asn 't e ven M is te r J o hnny th at c am e h o m e, it w as ju st th e d am n m ete r m an.

B ut th ere w asn 't m uch r e lie f w hen it w as o ver. W hat s c are d m e w ors e w as M is s C elia . A fte rw ard s, d urin g h er c o okin g le sso n, s h e w as s till s h ak in g s o b ad , s h e c o uld n't e ven m easu re th e s a lt in a s p oon.

M ONDAY C O M ES a nd I c an'T s to p th in k in g a b out L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n, R obert. H e g o t o ut o f th e h o sp it a l th is w eek end , w ent to liv e w it h L ouvenia , w hat w it h h is p are nts a lr e ad y d ead a nd a ll. L ast n ig ht, w hen I w ent o ver th ere to ta k e th em a c ara m el c ak e, R obert h ad a c ast o n h is a rm a nd b and ages o ver h is e yes. " O h, Louven ia ," w as a ll I c o uld s a y w hen I s a w h im . R obert w as la id u p o n th e s o fa a sle ep . T hey'd s h aved h alf h is h ead to o pera te . L ouvenia , w it h a ll h er tr o ub le s, s till w ante d to k no w h o w e ach a nd e very p ers o n in m y fa m ily w as d oin g. A nd w hen R obert s ta rte d to s tir , s h e a sk ed if I w ould n't m in d g o in g o n h o m e b ecause R obert w ak es u p s c re am in g. T errif ie d a nd r e m em berin g a ll o ver a gain th at h e's b lin d . S he th o ught it m ig ht b oth er m e. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out i t .

" I'm g o in g to th e s to re a fte r w hile ," I s a y to M is s C elia . I h o ld th e g ro cery lis t o ut fo r h er to s e e.

E very M ond ay w e d o th is . S he g iv es m e th e g ro cery c ash a nd w hen I g et h o m e I p ush th e r e ceip t in h er fa ce. I w ant h er to s e e th at e very p enny o f c hange m atc hes th e p ap er. M is s C elia ju st s h ru gs b ut I k eep th o se tic k ets s a fe in a d ra w er in c ase th ere 's e ver a ny q uestio n.

M in ny c o okin g:

1 . H am w it h p in eap ple s 2 . B la ck -e yed p eas 3 . S w eet p ota to es 4 . A pple p ie 5 . B is c uit s Mis s C elia c o okin g:

1. B utte r b eans "B ut I d id b utte r b eans la st w eek ." "L earn th o se , e very th in g e ls e c o m e e asy." "I g uess it 's b ette r a nyw ay," s h e s a ys. " I c an s it d ow n a nd b e s till w hen I 'm s h ellin g." Alm ost th re e m onth s a nd th e fo ol s till c an't b oil c o ffe e. I p ull o ut m y p ie d ough, w ant to g et it r e ad y befo re I g o to th e s to re .

"C an w e d o a c ho co la te p ie th is tim e? I lo ve c ho co la te p ie ." I g rit m y te eth . " I d on't k no w h o w to c o ok n o c ho co la te p ie ," I lie .

Nev er. N ev er a gain a fte r M is s Hilly .

"Y ou c an't ? G osh , I th o ught y o u c o uld c o ok a nyth in g. M ayb e w e o ught to g et u s a r e cip e." "W hat e ls e k in d a p ie y o u th in k in g a b out? " "W ell, w hat a b out th at p each p ie y o u d id th at tim e?" s h e s a ys, p ourin g a g la ss o f m ilk . " T hat w as r e al go od." "T hem p eaches fr o m M exic o . P eaches a in 't in s e aso n a ro und h ere y et." "B ut I s a w th em a d vertis e d in th e p ap er." I s ig h. N oth in g is e asy w it h h er, b ut a t le ast s h e's o ff th e c ho co la te . " O ne th in g y o u g o t to k no w , th in gs is b est w hen th ey in s e aso n. Y ou d on't c o ok p um pkin s in th e s u m mer, y o u d on't c o ok p eaches in th e fa ll. Y ou c an't fin d it s e llin g o n th e s id e a th e r o ad , it a in 't in . L et's ju st d o u s a n ic e p ecan p ie in ste ad ." "A nd J o hnny lo ved th o se p ra lin es y o u d id . H e th o ught I w as th e s m arte st g ir l h e'd e ver m et w hen I gave h im th o se ." I tu rn b ack to m y d ough s o s h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. T w ic e in a m in ute s h e's m anaged to ir rit a te m e.

"A nyth in g e ls e y o u w ant M is te r J o hnny to th in k y o u d id ?" B esid es b ein g s c are d o ut o f m y w it s , I a m sic k a nd tir e d o f p assin g o ff m y c o okin g fo r s o m eb ody e ls e 's . E xcep t m y k id s, m y c o okin g's th e o nly th in g I 'm p ro ud o f.

"N o, th at's a ll. " M is s C elia s m ile s, d oesn 't n o tic e I 'v e s tr e tc hed m y p ie c ru st to w here fiv e h o le s r ip th ro ugh. J u st tw enty -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is s h it . I a m p ra yin g to th e L ord a nd th e d evil o n th e s id e th at M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't c o m e h o m e b efo re th en. EV ERY O TH ER D AY, I h ear M is s C elia o n th e p ho ne in h er r o om , c allin g a nd c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s. T he B enefit w as th re e w eek s a go a nd h ere s h e is a lr e ad y g unnin g u p fo r n ext y ear. S he a nd Mis te r J o hnny d id n't g o o r I w ould 'v e h eard p le nty a b out it .

I d id n't w ork th e B enefit th is y ear, fir s t tim e in a d ecad e. T he m oney's p re tty g o od, b ut I ju st c o uld n't ris k r u nnin g in to M is s H illy .

"C ould y o u te ll h er C elia F oote c alle d a gain ? I le ft h er a m essa ge a fe w d ays b ack . . ." Mis s C elia 's v o ic e is c hip per, lik e s h e's p ed dlin g s o m eth in g o n th e te e-v ee. E very tim e I h ear it , I want to je rk th e p ho ne o ut o f h er h and , te ll h er to q uit w astin g h er tim e. B ecause n ever m in d s h e lo oks lik e a h ussy. T here 's a b ig ger r e aso n w hy M is s C elia d oesn 't h ave a ny fr ie nd s a nd I k new it th e m in ute I s a w th at p ic tu re o f M is te r J o hnny. I 'v e s e rv ed e no ugh b rid ge c lu b lu ncheo ns to k no w so m eth in g a b out e very w hit e w om an in th is to w n. M is te r J o hnny d um ped M is s H illy fo r M is s C elia back in c o lle ge, a nd M is s H illy n ever g o t o ver h im .

I W alk in T H E C HURC H o n W ed nesd ay n ig ht. I t's n o t b ut h alf fu ll s in ce it 's o nly a q uarte r to s e ven and th e c ho ir d oesn 't s ta rt s in gin g u ntil s e ven th ir ty . B ut A ib ile en a sk ed m e to c o m e e arly s o h ere I am . I 'm c urio us w hat s h e h as to s a y. P lu s L ero y w as in a g o od m ood a nd p la yin g w it h th e k id s s o I fig ure , if h e w ants th em , h e c an h ave th em .

I s e e A ib ile en in o ur u su al p ew , le ft s id e, fo urth fr o m th e fr o nt, r ig ht b y th e w in d ow fa n. W e'r e p rim e mem bers a nd w e d ese rv e a p rim e s p ot. S he's g o t h er h air s m ooth ed b ack , a lit tle r o ll o f p encil c urls aro und h er n eck . S he's w earin g a b lu e d re ss w it h b ig w hit e b utto ns th at I 'v e n ever s e en b efo re .

Aib ile en h as w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o. W hit e la d ie s lo ve g iv in g h er th eir o ld s tu ff. A s u su al, sh e lo oks p lu m p a nd r e sp ecta b le , b ut fo r a ll h er p rim a nd p ro per, A ib ile en c an s till te ll a d ir ty jo ke th at'll m ak e y o u tin k le in y o ur p ants .

I w alk u p th e a is le , s e e A ib ile en fr o w n a t s o m eth in g, c re asin g h er fo re head . F or a s e co nd I c an s e e th e fif te en-o dd y ears b etw een u s. B ut th en s h e s m ile s a nd h er fa ce g o es y o ung a nd fa t a gain .

"L ord ," I s a y a s s o on a s I 'm s e ttle d in .

"I k no w . S om eb ody g o t to te ll h er." A ib ile en fa ns h er fa ce w it h h er h ank y. I t w as K ik i B ro w n's morn in g fo r c le anin g a nd th e w ho le c hurc h is g aud ie d u p w it h h er le m on s m ell- g o od s h e m ak es a nd tr ie s to s e ll fo r tw enty -fiv e c ents a b ottle . W e h ave a s ig n-u p s h eet fo r c le anin g th e c hurc h. A sk m e, Kik i B ro w n o ught to s ig n a lit tle le ss a nd th e m en o ught to s ig n a lo t m ore . F ar a s I k no w , n o m an has s ig ned th at s h eet o nce.

Besid es th e s m ell, th e c hurc h lo oks p re tty g o od. K ik i s h in ed th e p ew s to w here y o u c o uld p ic k y o ur te eth lo okin g a t th em . T he C hris tm as tr e e's a lr e ad y u p , n ext to th e a lt a r, fu ll o f tin se l a nd a s h in y g o ld sta r o n to p. T hre e w in d ow s o f th e c hurc h h ave s ta in ed g la ss--th e b ir th o f C hris t, L aza ru s r a is e d fr o m th e d ead , a nd th e te achin g o f th o se fo ol P haris e es. T he o th er s e ven a re fille d w it h r e gula r c le ar panes. W e'r e s till r a is in g m oney fo r th o se .

"H ow B enny's a sth m a?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"H ad a lit tle s p ell y este rd ay. L ero y d ro ppin g h im a nd th e r e st a th e k id s b y in a w hile . L et's h o pe th e le m on d on't k ill h im ." "L ero y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead a nd la ughs. " T ell h im I s a id h e b ette r b ehave. O r I p ut h im o n m y pra yer lis t." "I w is h y o u w ould . O h L ord , h id e th e fo od." Hoit y -to it y B ertr in a B esse m er w ad dle s to w ard u s. S he le ans o ver th e p ew in fr o nt o f u s, s m illin g wit h a b ig , ta ck y b lu e-b ir d h at o n. B ertr in a, s h e's th e o ne w ho c alle d A ib ile en a fo ol fo r a ll th o se years .

"M in ny," B ertr in a s a ys, " I s u re w as g la d to h ear a b out y o ur n ew jo b." "T hank y o u, B ertr in a." "A nd A ib ile en, I th ank y o u fo r p uttin g m e o n y o ur p ra yer lis t. M y a ngin a s u re is b ette r n o w . I c all yo u th is w eek end a nd w e c atc h u p ." Aib ile en s m ile s, n o ds. B ertr in a w ad dle s o ff to h er p ew .

"M ayb e y o u o ught a b e a lit tle p ic k ie r w ho y o u p ra y fo r," I s a y.

"A w , I a in 't m ad a t h er n o m ore ," s a ys A ib ile en. " A nd lo ok a th ere , s h e d one lo st s o m e w eig ht." "S he te llin g e very b ody s h e lo st fo rty p ound s," I s a y.

"L ord a m erc y." "O nly g o t tw o h und re d m ore to g o ." Aib ile en tr ie s n o t to s m ile , a cts lik e s h e's w avin g a w ay th e le m on s m ell.

"S o w hat y o u w ant m e to c o m e e arly fo r? " I a sk . " Y ou m is s m e o r s o m eth in g?" "N aw , it 's n o b ig d eal. J u st s o m eth in g s o m eb ody s a id ." "W hat? " Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , lo oks a ro und fo r a nyb ody lis te nin g. W e'r e lik e r o yalt y h ere . F olk s a re alw ays h em min g in o n u s.

"Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " s h e a sk s.

"I to ld y o u I d id th e o th er d ay." She q uie ts h er v o ic e, s a ys, " W ell, r e m em ber h o w I s lip ped u p a nd to ld h er a b out T re elo re w rit in g co lo re d th in gs d ow n?" "I r e m em ber. S he w ant a s u e y o u fo r th at? " "N o, n o . S he n ic e. B ut s h e h ad th e g all to a sk if m e a nd s o m e a m y m aid fr ie nd s m ig ht w ant a p ut dow n o n p ap er w hat it 's lik e to te nd fo r w hit e p eo ple . S ay s h e w rit in g a b ook." "S ay w hat? " Aib ile en n o ds, r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. " M m-h m m." "P hhh. W ell, y o u te ll h er it 's a r e al F ourth o f J u ly p ic nic . I t's w hat w e d re am a d oin g a ll w eek end , g et back in th ey h o use s to p olis h th ey s ilv er," I s a y.

"I to ld h er, le t th e r e gula r o ld h is to ry b ooks te ll it . W hit e p eo ple b een r e p re se ntin g c o lo re d o pin io ns sin ce th e b egin nin g a tim e." "T hat's r ig ht. Y ou te ll h er." "I d id . I te ll h er s h e c ra zy," A ib ile en s a ys. " I a sk h er, w hat if w e to ld th e tr u th ? H ow w e to o s c are d to a sk fo r m in im um w age. H ow n o body g ets p aid th ey S ocia l S ecurit y . H ow it fe el w hen y o ur o w n boss b e c allin g y o u . . ." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . I 'm g la d s h e d oesn 't s a y it .

"H ow w e lo ve th ey k id s w hen th ey lit tle . . ." s h e s a ys a nd I s e e A ib ile en's lip tr e m ble a lit tle . " A nd th en th ey tu rn o ut ju st lik e th ey m am as." I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e A ib ile en's g rip pin g h er b la ck p ock etb ook lik e it 's th e o nly th in g s h e h as le ft in th is w orld . A ib ile en, s h e m oves o n to a no th er jo b w hen th e b ab ie s g et to o o ld a nd s to p b ein g c o lo r- blin d . W e d on't ta lk a b out it .

"E ven if s h e is c hangin g a ll th e n am es a th e h elp a nd th e w hit e la d ie s," s h e s n if f.

"S he c ra zy if s h e th in k w e d o s o m eth in g d angero us a s th at. F or her ." "W e d on't w ant a b rin g a ll th at m ess u p ." A ib ile en w ip es h er n o se w it h a h ank ie . " T ell p eo ple th e tr u th ." "N o, w e d on't ," I s a y, b ut I s to p. I t's s o m eth in g a b out th at w ord tr u th .

I 'v e b een tr y in g to te ll w hit e wom en th e tr u th a b out w ork in g fo r th em s in ce I w as fo urte en y ears o ld .

"W e d on't w ant a c hange n o th in g a ro und h ere ," A ib ile en s a ys a nd w e'r e b oth q uie t, th in k in g a b out a ll th e th in gs w e d on't w ant to c hange. B ut th en A ib ile en n arro w s h er e yes a t m e, a sk s, " W hat. Y ou don't th in k it 's a c ra zy id ea?" "I d o, I ju st . . ." A nd th at's w hen I s e e it . W e'v e b een fr ie nd s fo r s ix te en y ears , s in ce th e d ay I moved fr o m G re enw ood to J a ck so n a nd w e m et a t th e b us s to p. I c an r e ad A ib ile en lik e th e S und ay pap er. " Y ou th in k in g a b out it , a in 't y o u," I s a y. " Y ou w ant a ta lk to M is s S keete r." She s h ru gs a nd I k no w I 'm r ig ht. B ut b efo re A ib ile en c an c o nfe ss, R evere nd J o hnso n c o m es a nd s it s dow n in th e p ew b ehin d u s, le ans b etw een o ur s h o uld ers . " M in ny, I 'm s o rry I h aven't h ad th e c hance to te ll y o u c o ngra tu la tio ns o n y o ur n ew jo b." I s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " W hy, th ank y o u, R evere nd M in is te r." "Y ou m ust o f b een o n A ib ile en's p ra yer lis t," h e s a ys, p attin g A ib ile en o n th e s h o uld er.

"S ure w as. I to ld A ib ile en, a t th is r a te , s h e n eed s to s ta rt c harg in g." The R evere nd la ughs. H e g ets u p a nd tr e ad s s lo w ly to th e p ulp it . E very th in g g o es s till. I c an't b elie ve Aib ile en w ants to te ll M is s S keete r th e tr u th .

Tru th .

It fe els c o ol, lik e w ate r w ash in g o ver m y s tic k y-h o t b ody. C oolin g a h eat th at's b een b urn in g m e u p all m y lif e .

Tru th , I s a y in sid e m y h ead a gain , ju st fo r th at fe elin g.

Revere nd J o hnso n r a is e s h is h and s a nd s p eak s in a s o ft, d eep v o ic e. T he c ho ir b ehin d h im b egin s to hum " T alk in g to J e su s" a nd w e a ll s ta nd u p . I n h alf a m in ute I 'm s w eatin g.

"T hin k y o u m ig ht b e in te re ste d ? I n ta lk in g to M is s S keete r? " w his p ers A ib ile en.

I lo ok b ack a nd th ere 's L ero y w it h th e k id s, la te a s u su al. " W ho , m e?" I s a y a nd m y v o ic e is lo ud again st th e s o ft m usic . I ta m p it d ow n, b ut n o t b y m uch.

"A in 't n o w ay I 'm g o nna d o s o m eth in g c ra zy a s th at." FO R N O R EA SO N b ut to ir rit a te m e, w e g et a h eat w ave in D ecem ber. I n fo rty d egre es, I s w eat lik e ic ed te a in A ugust a nd h ere I w oke u p th is m orn in g to e ig hty -th re e o n th e d ia l. I 'v e s p ent h alf m y lif e tr y in g n o t to s w eat s o m uch: D ain ty L ad y s w eat c re am , fr o ze n p ota to es in m y p ock ets , ic e p ack tie d to m y h ead ( I a ctu ally p aid a d octo r fo r th at fo ol a d vic e), a nd I s till s o ak m y s w eat p ad s th ro ugh in fiv e m in ute s. I to te m y F air le y F unera l H om e fa n e very p la ce I g o . W ork s g o od a nd it w as fr e e.

Mis s C elia ta k es to th e w eek o f w arm w eath er, th o ugh, a nd a ctu ally g o es o uts id e a nd s it s b y th e pool in th ese ta ck y w hit e s u ngla sse s a nd a fu zzy b ath ro be. T hank th e L ord s h e's o ut o f th e h o use . A t fir s t I th o ught m ayb e s h e w as s ic k in th e b ody, b ut n o w I 'm w ond erin g if s h e's s ic k in th e h ead . I don't m ean th e ta lk in g to y o urs e lf v arie ty y o u s e e in o ld la d ie s lik e M is s W alt e rs w here y o u k no w it 's ju st th e o ld tim ers d is e ase , b ut th e c ap it a l C c ra zy w here y o u g et h aule d to W hit fie ld in a s tr a it ja ck et.

I c atc h h er s lip pin g u p sta ir s to th e e m pty b ed ro om s a lm ost e very d ay n o w . I h ear h er s n eak y lit tle fe et w alk in g d ow n th e h all, p assin g o ver th at lit tle s q ueak in th e flo or. I d on't th in k m uch o f it - -h eck , it 's h er h o use . B ut th en o ne d ay, s h e d oes it a gain , a nd th en a gain , a nd it 's th e fa ct th at s h e's s o d arn sn ea ky a b out it , w ait in g u ntil I tu rn o n th e H oover o r g et b usy o n a c ak e, th at m ak es m e s u sp ic io us.

She s p end s a b out s e ven o r e ig ht m in ute s u p th ere a nd th en p okes h er lit tle h ead a ro und to m ak e su re I d on't s e e h er c o m e d ow n a gain .

"D on't g o g ettin g in h er b usin ess," L ero y s a ys. " Y ou ju st m ak e s u re s h e te lls h er m is te r y o u c le anin g his h o use ." L ero y's b een o n th e d am n C ro w th e p ast c o up le o f n ig hts , d rin k in g b ehin d th e p ow er pla nt a fte r h is s h if t. H e's n o fo ol. H e k no w s if I 'm d ead , th at p aycheck w on't b e s h o w in g u p o n it s ow n.

Afte r s h e m ak es h er tr ip u p sta ir s , M is s C elia c o m es to th e k it c hen ta b le in ste ad o f g o in g b ack to bed . I w is h s h e'd g et o n o ut o f h ere . I 'm p ullin g c hic k en o ff th e b one. I 'v e g o t th e b ro th b oilin g a nd th e d um plin gs a lr e ad y c ut. I d on't w ant h er tr y in g to h elp w it h th is .

"J u st th ir te en m ore d ays b efo re y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e," I s a y, a nd lik e I k new s h e w ould , Mis s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e k it c hen ta b le a nd h ead s fo r h er b ed ro om . B ut b efo re s h e m ak es it o ut th e d oor s h e m utte rs , " D o y o u h ave to r e m in d m e o f th at fa ct e very d ay o f m y lif e ?" I s ta nd u p s tr a ig hte r. T hat's th e fir s t tim e M is s C elia 's e ver g o tte n c ro ss w it h m e. " M m-h m m," I te ll her, n o t e ven lo okin g u p b ecause I w ill r e m in d h er u ntil M is te r J o hnny's s h o ok m y h and a nd s a id n ic e to m eet y o u, M in ny.

But th en I lo ok o ver a nd s e e M is s C elia s till s ta nd in g th ere . S he's h o ld in g o n to th e d oorfr a m e. H er fa ce h as g o ne fla t w hit e , lik e c heap w all p ain t.

"Y ou b een fo olin g w it h th e r a w c hic k en a gain ?" "N o, I 'm . . . ju st tir e d ." But th e p ric k s o f s w eat o n h er m ak eup --th at n o w 's g o ne g ra y--te ll m e s h e's n o t fin e. I h elp h er to bed a nd b rin g h er th e L ad y-a -P in k am to d rin k . T he p in k la b el h as a p ic tu re o f a r e al p ro per la d y o n it w it h a tu rb an o n h er h ead , s m ilin g lik e s h e fe els b ette r. I h and M is s C elia th e s p oon to m easu re it out, b ut th at ta ck y w om an ju st d rin k s it s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle .

Afte rw ard , I w ash m y h and s. W hate ver it is s h e's g o t, I h o pe it a in 't c atc hin g.

TH E D AY A FTER M is s C ELIA 'S fa ce g o es fu nny is c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay a nd th e d ay I hate th e m ost. S heets a re ju st to o p ers o nal a th in g fo r fo lk s w ho a re n't k in to b e fo olin g w it h . T hey are fu ll o f h air a nd s c ab s a nd s n o t a nd th e s ig ns o f je lly -ro llin g. B ut it 's th e b lo od s ta in s th at a re th e wors t. S cru b bin g th o se o ut w it h m y b are h and s, I g ag o ver th e s in k . T hat g o es fo r b lo od a nyw here and a nyth in g w it h a s u sp ic io us r e se m bla nce. A s te p ped -o n s tr a w berry c an h ang m e o ver th e to ile t bow l fo r th e r e st o f th e d ay.

Mis s C elia k no w s a b out T uesd ays a nd u su ally s h e m oves o ut to th e s o fa s o I c an d o m y w ork . A co ld fr o nt s ta rte d in th is m orn in g, s o s h e c an't g o o ut to th e s w im min g p ool, a nd th ey s a y th e weath er's g o in g to g et w ors e . B ut a t n in e, th en te n, th en e le ven th e b ed ro om d oor's s till c lo se d .

Fin ally , I k no ck .

"Y es? " s h e s a ys. I o pen th e d oor.

"M orn in g, M is s C elia ." "H ey, M in ny." "It's T uesd ay." Not o nly is M is s C elia s till in b ed , s h e's c urle d u p o n to p o f th e c o vers in h er n ig htg o w n w it h o ut a dro p o f h er m ak eup o n.

"I g o t to g et th em s h eets w ash ed a nd ir o ned a nd th en I g o t to g et to th is o ld c hif fa ro be y o u d one le t go d ry a s T exas. A nd th en w e c o okin g--" "N o le arn in g le sso n to day, M in ny." S he is n 't s m ilin g e it h er, lik e s h e u su ally d oes w hen s h e s e es m e.

"Y ou fe elin g b ad ?" "F etc h m e s o m e w ate r, w ill y o u?" "Y es'm ." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd fill u p a g la ss fr o m th e s in k . S he m ust b e fe elin g b ad b ecause s h e's never a sk ed m e to s e rv e h er a nyth in g b efo re .

When I w alk b ack in th e b ed ro om th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed a nd th e b ath ro om d oor's c lo se d .

Now w hy'd s h e a sk m e to g o g et h er w ate r if s h e's g o t th e m eans to g et u p a nd g o to th e b ath ro om ?

At le ast s h e's o ut o f m y w ay. I p ic k M is te r J o hnny's p ants u p o ff th e flo or, to ss th em o ver m y sh o uld er. A sk m e, th is w om an d oesn 't ta k e e no ugh e xerc is e , s it tin g a ro und th e h o use a ll d ay. O h no w , M in ny, d on't g o o n th at w ay. I f s h e's s ic k , s h e's s ic k .

"Y ou s ic k ?" I h o lle r o uts id e th e b ath ro om d oor.

"I'm . . . fin e." "W hile y o u in th ere , I 'm o n g o h ead a nd c hange th ese s h eets ." "N o, I w ant y o u to g o o n," s h e s a ys th ro ugh th e d oor. " G o o n h o m e fo r th e d ay, M in ny." I s ta nd th ere a nd ta p m y fo ot o n h er y ello w r u g. I d on't w ant to g o o n h o m e. I t's T uesd ay, c hange- th e-d am n-sh eets d ay. I f I d on't d o it to day, th at m ak es W ed nesd ay c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay to o.

"W hat M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd th e h o use 's a m ess? " "H e's a t th e d eer c am p to nig ht. M in ny, I n eed y o u to b rin g m e th e p ho ne o ver- -" h er v o ic e b re ak s in to a tr e m bly w ail. " D ra g it o n o ver a nd fe tc h m y p ho ne b ook th at's s e ttin g in th e k it c hen." "Y ou s ic k , M is s C elia ?" But s h e d oesn 't a nsw er s o I g o g et th e b ook a nd s tr e tc h th e p ho ne o ver to th e b ath ro om d oor a nd ta p o n it .

"J u st le ave it th ere ." M is s C elia s o und s lik e s h e's c ry in g n o w . " I w ant y o u to g o o n h o m e n o w ." "B ut I ju st g o ts --" "I s a id g o h o m e, M in ny!" I s te p b ack fr o m th at c lo se d d oor. H eat r is e s u p m y fa ce. A nd it s tin gs, n o t b ecause I h aven't b een yelle d a t b efo re . I ju st h aven't b een y elle d a t b y M is s C elia y et.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, W oody A sa p o n C hannel T w elv e is w avin g h is w hit e s c aly h and s a ll o ver th e s ta te m ap . J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is fr o ze n lik e a n ic e p op. F ir s t it r a in ed , th en it fr o ze , th en anyth in g w it h m ore th an a h alf - in ch e xte nd in g b ro ke o ff to th e g ro und b y th is m orn in g. T re e bra nches, p ow er lin es, p orc h a w nin gs c o lla p se d lik e th ey'd p lu m b g iv en u p . O uts id e's b een d unk ed in a s h in y c le ar b uck et o f s h ella c.

My k id s g lu e th eir s le ep y fa ces to th e r a d io a nd w hen th e b ox s a ys th e r o ad s a re fr o ze n a nd s c ho ol is c lo se d , th ey a ll ju m p a ro und a nd w ho op a nd w his tle a nd r u n o uts id e to lo ok a t th e ic e w it h n o th in g on b ut th eir lo ng jo hns.

"G et b ack in th is h o use a nd p ut s o m e s h o es o n!" I h o lle r o ut th e d oor. N ot o ne o f th em d oes. I c all Mis s C elia to te ll h er I c an't d riv e in th e ic e a nd to fin d o ut if s h e's g o t p ow er o ut th ere . A fte r s h e yelle d a t m e lik e I w as a n ig ger in th e r o ad y este rd ay, y o u'd th in k I w ould n't g iv e a h o ot a b out h er.

When I c all, I h ear, " Y eeello ." My h eart h ic cup s.

"W ho is th is ? W ho 's c allin g h ere ?" Real c are fu l I h ang u p th at p ho ne. I g uess M is te r J o hnny's n o t w ork in g to day e it h er. I d on't k no w ho w h e m ad e it h o m e w it h th e s to rm . A ll I k no w is , e ven o n a d ay o ff, I c an't e sc ap e th e fe ar o f th at man. B ut in e le ven d ays, th at's a ll g o in g to b e o ver.

MOST O f T H E T O W N T H AW S in a d ay. M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed w hen I w alk in . S he's s it tin g a t th e w hit e k it c hen ta b le s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow w it h a n u gly lo ok o n h er fa ce lik e h er p oor fa ncy lif e is ju st to o h o t a h ell to liv e in . I t's th e m im osa tr e e s h e's e yein g o ut th ere . I t to ok th e ic e p re tty h ard .

Half o f th e b ra nches b ro ke o ff a nd a ll th e s p in d ly le aves a re b ro w n a nd s o ggy.

"M orn in g, M in ny," s h e s a ys, n o t e ven lo okin g m y w ay.

But I ju st n o d. I h ave n o th in g to s a y to h er, n o t a fte r th e w ay s h e tr e ate d m e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.

"W e c an fin ally c ut th at o ld u gly th in g d ow n n o w ," s a ys M is s C elia .

"G o a head . C ut e m a ll d ow n." J u st lik e m e, c ut m e d ow n fo r n o r e aso n a t a ll.

Mis s C elia g ets u p a nd c o m es o ver to th e s in k w here I 'm s ta nd in g. S he g ra b s h o ld o f m y a rm . " I'm so rry I h o lle re d a t y o u lik e I d id ." T ears b rim u p in h er e yes w hen s h e s a ys it .

"M m-h m m." "I w as s ic k a nd I k no w th at's n o e xcuse , b ut I w as fe elin g r e al p oor a nd . . ." S he s ta rts s o bbin g th en, lik e th e w ors t th in g s h e's e ver d one in h er lif e is y ell a t h er m aid .

"A lr ig ht," I s a y. " A in 't n o th in g to b oo-h o o o ver." And th en s h e h ugs m e tig ht a ro und th e n eck u ntil I k in d o f p at h er o n th e b ack a nd p eel h er o ff. " G o on, s e t d ow n," I s a y. " I'll fix y o u s o m e c o ffe e." I g uess w e a ll g et a lit tle s n ip py w hen w e'r e n o t fe elin g g o od.

BY T H E N EX T M ONDAY, th e le aves o n th at m im osa tr e e h ave tu rn ed b la ck lik e it b urn ed in ste ad of fr o ze . I c o m e in th e k it c hen r e ad y to te ll h er h o w m any d ays w e h ave le ft, b ut M is s C elia 's s ta rin g at th at tr e e, h atin g it w it h h er e yes th e s a m e w ay s h e h ate s th e s to ve. S he's p ale , w on't e at a nyth in g I put in fr o nt o f h er.

All d ay, in ste ad o f la yin g u p in b ed , s h e w ork s o n d eco ra tin g th e te n-fo ot C hris tm as tr e e in th e fo yer, mak in g m y lif e a v acuum in g h ell w it h a ll th e n eed le s fly in g a ro und . T hen s h e g o es in th e b ack yard , sta rts c lip pin g th e r o se b ush es a nd d ig gin g th e tu lip b ulb s. I 'v e n ever s e en h er m ove th at m uch, e ver.

She c o m es in fo r h er c o okin g le sso n a fte rw ard w it h d ir t u nd er h er n ails b ut s h e's s till n o t s m ilin g.

"S ix m ore d ays b efo re w e te ll M is te r J o hnny," I s a y.

She d oesn 't s a y a nyth in g fo r a w hile , th en h er v o ic e c o m es o ut fla t a s a p an. " A re y o u s u re I h ave to ? I w as th in k in g m ayb e w e c o uld w ait ." I s to p w here I a m , w it h b utte rm ilk d rip pin g o ff m y h and s. " A sk m e h o w s u re I a m a gain ." "A lr ig ht, a lr ig ht." A nd th en s h e g o es o uts id e a gain to ta k e u p h er n ew fa vo rit e p astim e, s ta rin g d ow n th at m im osa tr e e w it h th e a xe in h er h and . B ut s h e n ever ta k es a c ho p.

Wed nesd ay n ig ht a ll I c an th in k is ju st n in ety -six m ore h o urs . K no w in g I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b a fte r Chris tm as g naw s a t m y s to m ach. I 'll h ave a lo t m ore to w orry a b out th an ju st b ein g s h o t d ead . M is s Celia 's s u p pose d to te ll h im o n C hris tm as E ve, a fte r I le ave, b efo re th ey g o o ver to M is te r J o hnny's mam a's h o use . B ut M is s C elia 's a ctin g s o s tr a nge, I w ond er if s h e's g o in g to tr y a nd b ack o ut. N o ma'a m , I s a y to m yse lf a ll d ay. I in te nd to s ta y o n h er lik e h air o n s o ap .

When I w alk in T hurs d ay m orn in g th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t e ven h o m e. I c an't b elie ve s h e's a ctu ally le ft th e h o use . I s it a t th e ta b le a nd p our m yse lf a c up o f c o ffe e.

I lo ok o ut a t th e b ack yard . I t's b rig ht, s u nny. T hat b la ck m im osa tr e e s u re is u gly . I w ond er w hy Mis te r J o hnny d oesn 't ju st g o a head a nd c ut th at th in g d ow n.

I le an in a lit tle c lo se r to th e w in d ow sill. " W ell lo ok a th ere ." D ow n a ro und th e b otto m , s o m e g re en fr o nd s a re s till h angin g o n, p erk in g u p a lit tle in th e s u n.

"T hat o ld tr e e ju st p la yin g p ossu m ." I p ull a p ad o ut o f m y p ock etb ook w here I k eep a lis t o f w hat n eed s to b e te nd ed to , n o t fo r M is s Celia , b ut m y o w n g ro cerie s, C hris tm as p re se nts , th in gs fo r m y k id s. B enny's a sth m a h as g o tte n a lit tle b ette r b ut L ero y c am e h o m e la st n ig ht s m ellin g lik e O ld C ro w a gain . H e p ush ed m e h ard a nd I bum ped m y th ig h o n th e k it c hen ta b le . H e c o m es h o m e lik e th at to nig ht, I 'll fix h im a k nuck le sa nd w ic h fo r s u p per.

I s ig h. S eventy -tw o m ore h o urs a nd I 'm a fr e e w om an. M ayb e fir e d , m ayb e d ead a fte r L ero y fin d s out, b ut fr e e.

I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e w eek . T om orro w 's h eavy c o okin g a nd I 'v e g o t th e c hurc h s u p per Satu rd ay n ig ht a nd th e s e rv ic e o n S und ay. W hen a m I g o in g to c le an m y o w n h o use ? W ash m y o w n kid s' c lo th es? M y o ld est g ir l, S ugar, is s ix te en a nd p re tty g o od a b out k eep in g th in gs n eat, b ut I lik e to h elp h er o ut o n th e w eek end s th e w ay m y m am a n ever h elp ed m e. A nd A ib ile en. S he c alle d m e again la st n ig ht, a sk ed if I 'd h elp h er a nd M is s S keete r w it h th e s to rie s. I lo ve A ib ile en, I d o. B ut I th in k s h e's m ak in g a k in g-siz e d m is ta k e tr u stin g a w hit e la d y. A nd I to ld h er, to o. S he's r is k in g h er jo b, h er s a fe ty . N ot to m entio n w hy a nyo ne w ould w ant to h elp a fr ie nd o f M is s H illy 's .

Lord , I b ette r g et o n w it h m y w ork .

I p in eap ple th e h am a nd g et it in th e o ven. T hen I d ust th e s h elv es in th e h untin g r o om , v acuum th e bear w hile h e s ta re s a t m e lik e I 'm a s n ack . " J u st y o u a nd m e to day," I te ll h im . A s u su al h e d oesn 't sa y m uch. I g et m y r a g a nd m y o il s o ap , w ork m y w ay u p th e s ta ir c ase , p olis h in g e ach s p oke o n th e banis te r a s I g o . W hen I m ak e it to th e to p, I h ead in to b ed ro om n um ber o ne.

I c le an u p sta ir s fo r a b out a n h o ur. I t's c hilly u p h ere , n o b odie s to w arm it u p . I w ork m y a rm b ack and fo rth , b ack a nd fo rth a cro ss e very th in g w ood. B etw een th e s e co nd a nd th ir d b ed ro om s, I g o dow nsta ir s to M is s C elia 's r o om b efo re s h e c o m es b ack . I g et th at e erie p ric k le , o f b ein g in a h o use s o e m pty . W here 'd s h e g o ? A fte r w ork in g h ere a ll th is tim e a nd h er o nly le avin g th re e tim es a nd a lw ays te llin g m e w hen a nd w here a nd w hy s h e's le avin g, lik e I c are a nyw ay, n o w s h e's g o ne lik e th e w in d . I o ught to b e h ap py. I o ught to b e g la d th at fo ol's out o f m y h air . B ut b ein g h ere b y m yse lf , I fe el lik e a n in tr u d er. I lo ok d ow n a t th e lit tle p in k r u g th at co vers th e b lo odsta in b y th e b ath ro om . T oday I w as g o in g to ta k e a no th er c ra ck a t it . A c hill b lo w s th ro ugh th e r o om , lik e a g ho st p assin g b y. I s h iv er.

Mayb e I w on't w ork o n th at b lo odsta in to day.

On th e b ed th e c o vers , a s u su al, h ave b een th ro w n o ff. T he s h eets a re tw is te d a nd tu rn ed a ro und th e wro ng w ay. I t a lw ays lo oks lik e a w re stlin g m atc h h as g o ne o n in h ere . I s to p m yse lf fr o m wond erin g. Y ou s ta rt to w ond er a b out p eo ple in th e b ed ro om , b efo re y o u k no w it y o u'r e a ll wra p ped u p in th eir b usin ess.

I s tr ip o ff o ne o f th e p illo w case s. M is s C elia 's m asc ara s m ud ged lit tle c harc o al b utte rflie s a ll o ver it .

The c lo th es o n th e flo or I s tu ff in to th e p illo w case to m ak e it e asie r to c arry . I p ic k u p M is te r Jo hnny's fo ld ed p ants o ff th e y ello w o tto m an.

"N ow h o w 'm I s p ose d to k no w if th ese is c le an o r d ir ty ?" I s tic k th em in th e s a ck a nyw ay. M y motto o n h o use k eep in g: w hen in d oub t, w ash it o ut.

I to te th e b ag o ver to th e b ure au. T he b ru is e o n m y th ig h b urn s w hen I b end d ow n to p ic k u p a p air of M is s C elia 's s ilk y s to ck in gs.

"W ho a re yo u ?" I d ro p th e s a ck .

Slo w ly , I b ack a w ay u ntil m y b otto m b um ps th e b ure au. H e's s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay, e yes narro w ed . R eal s lo w , I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe h angin g fr o m h is h and .

Oh L ord .

I c an't g et to th e b ath ro om b ecause h e's to o c lo se a nd h e'd g et in th ere w it h m e. I c an't mak e it p ast h im o ut th e d oor u nle ss I p um mel h im , a nd th e m an h as a n a xe. M y h ead th ro bs h o t I 'm so p anic k ed . I 'm co rn ere d .

Mis te r J o hnny s ta re s d ow n a t m e. H e s w in gs th e a xe a lit tle . T ilt s h is h ead a nd s m ile s.

I d o th e o nly th in g I c an d o. I w rin k le m y fa ce a s m ean a s I c an a nd p ull m y lip s a cro ss m y te eth a nd yell:

"Yo u a nd y o ur a xe b ette r g et o ut a m y w ay." Mis te r J o hnny lo oks d ow n a t th e a xe, lik e h e fo rg o t h e h ad it . T hen b ack u p a t m e. W e s ta re a t e ach oth er a s e co nd . I d on't m ove a nd I d on't b re ath e.

He s n eak s a lo ok o ver a t th e s a ck I 'v e d ro pped to s e e w hat I w as s te alin g. T he le g o f h is k hak is is pokin g o ut th e to p. " N ow , lis te n," I s a y, a nd te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes. " M is te r J o hnny, I to ld M is s Celia to te ll y o u a b out m e. I m ust a a sk ed h er a th o usa nd tim es--" But h e ju st la ughs. H e s h ak es h is h ead . H e th in k s it 's fu nny h e's a b out to c ho p m e u p . " Ju st lis te n t o m e, I to ld h er- -" But h e's s till c huck lin g. " C alm d ow n, g ir l. I 'm n o t g o in g to g et y o u," h e s a ys. " Y ou s u rp ris e d m e, th at's a ll. " I'm p antin g, e asin g m y w ay to w ard th e b ath ro om . H e s till h as th e a xe in h is h and , s w in gin g it a lit tle .

"W hat's y o ur n am e, a nyw ay?" "M in ny," I w his p er. I 'v e s till g o t fiv e fe et to g o .

"H ow lo ng h ave y o u b een c o m in g, M in ny?" "N ot lo ng." I jig gle m y h ead n o .

" How lo ng?" "F ew . . . w eek s," I s a y. I b it e d ow n o n m y lip .

Thre e m onth s.

He s h ak es h is h ead . " N ow , I k no w it 's b een lo nger th an th at." I lo ok a t th e b ath ro om d oor. W hat g o od w ould it d o to b e in a b ath ro om w here th e d oor w on't e ven lo ck ? W hen th e m an's g o t a n a xe to h ack th e d oor d ow n w it h ?

"I s w ear I 'm n o t m ad ," h e s a ys.

"W hat a b out th at a xe?" I s a y, m y te eth g rit te d .

He r o lls h is e yes, th en h e s e ts it o n th e c arp et, k ic k s it to th e s id e.

"C om e o n, le t's g o h ave u s a ta lk in th e k it c hen." He tu rn s a nd w alk s a w ay. I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe, w ond erin g if I s h o uld ta k e it . J u st th e s ig ht o f it sc are s m e. I p ush it u nd er th e b ed a nd fo llo w h im .

In th e k it c hen, I e d ge m yse lf c lo se to th e b ack d oor, c heck th e k no b to m ak e s u re it 's u nlo ck ed .

"M in ny, I p ro m is e . I t's fin e th at y o u'r e h ere ," h e s a ys.

I w atc h h is e yes, tr y in g to s e e if h e's ly in g. H e's a b ig m an, s ix -tw o a t le ast. A lit tle p aunch in th e fr o nt, b ut s tr o ng lo okin g. " I r e ck on y o u g o ne fir e m e, th en." "F ir e y o u?" H e la ughs. " Y ou'r e th e b est c o ok I 'v e e ver k no w n. L ook w hat y o u'v e d one to m e." H e fr o w ns d ow n a t h is s to m ach th at's ju st s ta rtin g to p oke o ut. " H ell, I h aven't e ate n lik e th is s in ce C ora Blu e w as a ro und . S he p ra ctic ally r a is e d m e." I ta k e a d eep b re ath b ecause h is k no w in g C ora B lu e s e em s to s a fe n th in gs u p a lit tle . " H er k id s w ent to m y c hurc h. I k new h er." "I s u re d o m is s h er." H e tu rn s, o pens th e r e fr ig era to r, s ta re s in , c lo se s it .

"W hen's C elia c o m in g b ack ? Y ou k no w ?" M is te r J o hnny a sk s.

"I d on't k no w . I s p ec s h e w ent to g et h er h air d one." "I th o ught fo r a w hile th ere , w hen w e w ere e atin g y o ur fo od, s h e r e ally d id le arn h o w to c o ok. U ntil th at S atu rd ay, w hen y o u w ere n't h ere , a nd s h e tr ie d to m ak e h am burg ers ." He le ans a gain st th e s in k b oard , s ig hs. " W hy d oesn 't s h e w ant m e to k no w a b out y o u?" "I d on't k no w . S he w on't te ll m e." He s h ak es h is h ead , lo oks u p a t th e b la ck m ark o n th e c eilin g fr o m w here M is s C elia b urn ed u p th e tu rk ey th at tim e. " M in ny, I d on't c are if C elia n ever lif ts a no th er fin ger fo r th e r e st o f h er lif e . B ut s h e sa ys s h e w ants to d o th in gs fo r m e h ers e lf ." H e r a is e s h is e yeb ro w s a lit tle . " I m ean, d o y o u und ers ta nd w hat I w as e atin g b efo re y o u g o t h ere ?" "S he le arn in g. L east s h e . . . tr y in g to le arn ," b ut I k in d o f s n o rt a t th is . S om e th in gs y o u ju st c an't lie ab out.

"I d on't ca re if s h e c an c o ok. I ju st w ant h er h ere "- -h e s h ru gs--"w it h m e." He r u b s h is b ro w w it h h is w hit e s h ir ts le eve a nd I s e e w hy h is s h ir ts a re a lw ays s o d ir ty . A nd h e is so rt o f h and so m e. F or a w hit e m an.

"S he ju st d oesn 't s e em h ap py," h e s a ys. " Is it m e? I s it th e h o use ? A re w e to o fa r a w ay fr o m to w n?" "I d on't k no w , M is te r J o hnny." "T hen w hat's g o in g o n?" H e p ro ps h is h and s d ow n o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h im , g ra b s h o ld . " J u st te ll me. I s s h e"- -h e s w allo w s h ard --"is s h e s e ein g s o m eb ody e ls e ?" I tr y n o t to , b ut I fe el k in d o f s o rry fo r h im th en, s e ein g h e's ju st a s c o nfu se d a s I a m a b out a ll th is mess.

"M is te r J o hnny, th is a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess. B ut I c an te ll y o u M is s C elia a in 't h avin g n o r e la tio ns outs id e a th is h o use ." He n o ds. " Y ou'r e r ig ht. T hat w as a s tu p id th in g to a sk ." I e ye th e d oor, w ond erin g w hen M is s C elia 's g o in g to b e h o m e. I d on't k no w w hat s h e'd d o if s h e fo und M is te r J o hnny h ere .

"L ook," h e s a ys, " d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out m eetin g m e. I 'm g o in g to le t h er te ll m e w hen s h e's re ad y." I m anage m y fir s t r e al s m ile . " S o y o u w ant m e to ju st g o o n lik e I b een d oin g?" "L ook a fte r h er. I d on't lik e h er in th is b ig h o use b y h ers e lf ." "Y essu h. W hate ver y o u s a y." "I c am e b y to day to s u rp ris e h er. I w as g o in g to c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e s h e h ate s s o m uch, th en ta k e h er in to to w n fo r lu nch. P ic k o ut s o m e je w elr y fo r h er C hris tm as p re se nt." M is te r J o hnny w alk s to th e w in d ow , lo oks o ut, a nd s ig hs. " I g uess I 'll g o g et lu nch in to w n s o m ew here ." "I fix y o u s o m eth in g. W hat y o u w ant? " He tu rn s a ro und , g rin nin g lik e a k id . I s ta rt g o in g th ro ugh th e r e fr ig era to r, p ullin g th in gs o ut.

"R em em ber th o se p ork c ho ps w e h ad th at tim e?" H e s ta rts n ib blin g o n h is fin gern ail. " W ill y o u m ak e th o se fo r u s th is w eek ?" "I fix e m fo r s u p per to nig ht. G ot s o m e in th e fr e eze r. A nd to m orro w n ig ht y o u h avin g c hic k en a nd dum plin gs." "O h, C ora B lu e u se d to m ak e u s th o se ." "S it u p th ere a t th e ta b le a nd I 'm o n d o y o u a g o od B LT to ta k e w it h y o u in th e tr u ck ." "A nd w ill y o u to ast th e b re ad ?" "A c o urs e . C an't h ave n o p ro per s a nd w ic h o n n o r a w b re ad . A nd th is a fte rn o on I 'll m ak e o ne a Min ny's fa m ous c ara m el c ak es. A nd n ext w eek w e g o ne d o y o u a fr ie d c atfis h . . ." I p ull o ut th e b aco n fo r M is te r J o hnny's lu nch, g et th e s k ille t o ut to fr y . M is te r J o hnny's e yes a re cle ar a nd w id e. H e's s m ilin g w it h e very p art o f h is fa ce. I fix h is s a nd w ic h a nd w ra p it in w axed pap er. F in ally , s o m eb ody I g et th e s a tis fa ctio n o f fe ed in g.

"M in ny, I h ave to a sk , if yo u'r e h ere . . . w hat in th e w orld is C elia d oin g a ll d ay?" I s h ru g. " I a in 't n ever s e en a w hit e w om an s it th ere lik e s h e d o. M ost o f e m is b usy -b usy, r u nnin g erra nd s, a ctin g lik e th ey b usie r th an m e." "S he n eed s s o m e fr ie nd s. I a sk ed m y b ud dy W ill if h e'd g et h is w if e to c o m e o ut a nd te ach h er to pla y b rid ge, g et h er in a g ro up . I k no w H illy 's th e r in gle ad er o f a ll th at s tu ff." I s ta re a t h im , lik e if I k ep t r e al s till, m ayb e it w ould n't b e tr u e. F in ally I a sk , " T hat M is s H illy Holb ro ok y o u ta lk in g a b out? " "Y ou k no w h er? " h e a sk s.

"M m-h m m." I s w allo w th e tir e ir o n th at's r is in g u p in m y th ro at a t th e th o ught o f M is s H illy h angin g aro und th is h o use . M is s C elia fin d in g o ut th e tr u th a b out th e T errib le A w fu l. T here 's n o w ay th o se tw o c o uld b e fr ie nd s. B ut I b et M is s H illy w ould d o a nyth in g fo r M is te r J o hnny.

"I'll c all W ill to nig ht a nd a sk h im a gain ." H e p ats m e o n m y s h o uld er a nd I fin d m yse lf th in k in g a b out th at w ord a gain , tr u th .

A nd A ib ile en's te llin g M is s S keete r a ll a b out it . I f th e tr u th g ets o ut o n m e, I'm d one. I c ro sse d th e w ro ng p ers o n, a nd th at's a ll it ta k es. "I'm g o in g to g iv e y o u m y n um ber a t th e o ffic e. C all m e if y o u e ver r u n in to tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "Y essu h," I s a y, fe elin g m y d re ad e ra se a ny r e lie f I h ad c o m in g to m e to day.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 1 I T 'S T EC HN IC ALLY W IN TER in m ost o f th e n atio n, b ut a lr e ad y th ere is g nash in g o f te eth a nd w rin gin g o f h and s in m y m oth er's h o use . S ig ns o f s p rin g h ave c o m e to o e arly . D ad dy's in a c o tto n- p la ntin g fr e nzy, h ad to h ir e te n e xtr a fie ld w ork ers to till a nd d riv e tr a cto rs to g et th e s e ed in th e g ro und . M oth er's b een s tu d yin g The F arm er's A lm anac , b ut s h e's h ard ly c o ncern ed w it h p la ntin g.

S he d eliv ers th e b ad n ew s to m e w it h a h and o n h er fo re head .

" T hey s a y th is 'll b e th e m ost h um id o ne in y ears ." S he s ig hs. T he S hin ala to r n ever d id m uch g o od a fte r th o se fir s t fe w tim es. " I'd p ic k u p s o m e m ore s p ra y c ans d ow n a t B eem on's , th e n ew e xtr a - h eavy k in d ." S he lo oks u p fr o m th e Alm anac , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " W hat a re y o u d re sse d th at w ay fo r? " I h ave o n m y d ark est d re ss, d ark s to ck in gs. T he b la ck s c arf o ver m y h air p ro bab ly m ak es m e lo ok m ore lik e P ete r O 'T oole in Law re n ce o f A ra bia th an M arle ne D ie tr ic h. T he u gly r e d s a tc hel h angs f r o m m y s h o uld er.

" I h ave s o m e e rra nd s to r u n to nig ht. T hen I 'm m eetin g... s o m e g ir ls . A t c hurc h." " O n a S atu rd ay n ig ht? " " M am a, G od d oesn 't c are w hat d ay o f th e w eek it is ," I s a y a nd m ak e fo r th e c ar b efo re s h e c an a sk a ny m ore q uestio ns. T onig ht, I 'm g o in g to A ib ile en's fo r h er fir s t in te rv ie w .

M y h eart r a cin g, I d riv e fa st o n th e p aved to w n r o ad s, h ead in g fo r th e c o lo re d p art o f to w n. I 'v e n ever e ven s a t a t th e s a m e ta b le w it h a N egro w ho w asn 't p aid to d o s o . T he in te rv ie w h as b een d ela yed b y o ver a m onth . F ir s t, th e h o lid ays c am e a nd A ib ile en h ad to w ork la te a lm ost e very n ig ht, w ra p pin g p re se nts a nd c o okin g fo r E liz a b eth 's C hris tm as p arty . I n J a nuary , I s ta rte d to p anic w hen A ib ile en g o t th e flu . I 'm a fr a id I 'v e w ait e d s o lo ng, M is su s S te in w ill h ave lo st in te re st o r fo rg o tte n w hy s h e e ven a gre ed to r e ad it .

I d riv e th e C ad illa c th ro ugh th e d ark ness, tu rn in g o n G essu m A venue, A ib ile en's S tr e et. I 'd r a th er b e i n th e o ld tr u ck , b ut M oth er w ould 'v e b een to o s u sp ic io us a nd D ad dy w as u sin g it in th e fie ld s. I s to p in fr o nt o f a n a b and oned , h aunte d -lo okin g h o use th re e d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's , a s w e p la nned .

T he fr o nt p orc h o f th e s p ooky h o use is s a ggin g, th e w in d ow s h ave n o p anes. I s te p in to th e d ark , l o ck th e d oors a nd w alk q uic k ly . I k eep m y h ead lo w ere d , m y n o is y h eels c lic k in g o n th e p avem ent.

A d og b ark s a nd m y k eys ja ngle to th e p avem ent. I g lim pse a ro und , p ic k th em u p . T w o s e ts o f c o lo re d p eo ple s it o n p orc hes, w atc hin g, r o ck in g. T here a re n o s tr e etlig hts s o it 's h ard to s a y w ho e ls e s e es m e. I k eep w alk in g, fe elin g a s o bvio us a s m y v ehic le : la rg e a nd w hit e .

I r e ach n um ber tw enty -fiv e, A ib ile en's h o use . I g iv e o ne la st lo ok a ro und , w is h in g I w asn 't te n m in ute s e arly . T he c o lo re d p art o f to w n s e em s s o fa r a w ay w hen, e vid ently , it 's o nly a fe w m ile s f r o m th e w hit e p art o f to w n.

I k no ck s o ftly . T here a re fo ots te p s, a nd s o m eth in g in sid e s la m s c lo se d . A ib ile en o pens th e d oor.

" C om e o n in ," s h e w his p ers a nd q uic k ly s h uts it b ehin d m e a nd lo ck s it . I'v e n ever s e en A ib ile en in a nyth in g b ut h er w hit e s. T onig ht s h e h as o n a g re en d re ss w it h b la ck pip in g. I c an't h elp b ut n o tic e, s h e s ta nd s a lit tle ta lle r in h er o w n h o use .

"M ak e y o urs e lf c o m fo rta b le . I b e b ack r e al q uic k ." Even w it h th e s in gle la m p o n, th e fr o nt r o om is d ark , fu ll o f b ro w ns a nd s h ad ow s. T he c urta in s a re pulle d a nd p in ned to geth er s o th ere 's n o g ap . I d on't k no w if th ey'r e lik e th at a ll th e tim e, o r ju st fo r me. I lo w er m yse lf o nto th e n arro w s o fa . T here 's a w ooden c o ffe e ta b le w it h h and -ta tte d la ce dra p ed o ver th e to p. T he flo ors a re b are . I w is h I h ad n't w orn s u ch a n e xp ensiv e-lo okin g d re ss.

A fe w m in ute s la te r, A ib ile en c o m es b ack w it h a tr a y h o ld in g a te ap ot a nd tw o c up s th at d on't matc h, p ap er n ap kin s fo ld ed in to tr ia ngle s. I s m ell th e c in nam on c o okie s s h e's m ad e. A s s h e p ours th e te a, th e to p to th e p ot r a ttle s.

"S orry ," s h e s a ys a nd h o ld s th e to p d ow n. " I a in 't n ever h ad a w hit e p ers o n in m y h o use b efo re ." I s m ile , e ven th o ugh I k no w it w asn 't m eant to b e fu nny. I d rin k a s ip o f te a. I t is b it te r a nd s tr o ng.

"T hank y o u," I s a y. " T he te a is n ic e." She s it s a nd fo ld s h er h and s in h er la p , lo oks a t m e e xp ecta ntly .

"I th o ught w e'd d o a lit tle b ack gro und w ork a nd th en ju st ju m p r ig ht in w it h th e q uestio ns," I s a y. I pull o ut m y n o te b ook a nd s c an th e q uestio ns I 'v e p re p are d . T hey s u d denly s e em o bvio us, a m ate ur.

"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. S he is s it tin g u p v ery s tr a ig ht, o n th e s o fa , tu rn ed to w ard m e.

"W ell, to s ta rt, u m , w hen a nd w here w ere y o u b orn ?" She s w allo w s, n o ds. " N in ete en o -n in e. P ie d m ont P la nta tio n d ow n in C hero kee C ounty ." "D id y o u k no w w hen y o u w ere a g ir l, g ro w in g u p , th at o ne d ay y o u'd b e a m aid ?" "Y es m a'a m . Y es, I d id ." I s m ile , w ait fo r h er to e lu cid ate . T here is n o th in g.

"A nd y o u k new th at . . . b ecause . . . ? " "M am a w as a m aid . M y g ra nm am a w as a h o use s la ve." "A h o use s la ve. U h-h uh," I s a y, b ut s h e o nly n o ds. H er h and s s ta y fo ld ed in h er la p . S he's w atc hin g th e w ord s I 'm w rit in g o n th e p age.

"D id y o u . . . e ver h ave d re am s o f b ein g s o m eth in g e ls e ?" "N o," s h e s a ys. " N o m a'a m , I d id n't ." I t's s o q uie t, I c an h ear b oth o f u s b re ath in g.

"A lr ig ht. T hen . . . w hat d oes it fe el lik e, to r a is e a w hit e c hild w hen y o ur o w n c hild 's a t h o m e, b ein g . . ." I s w allo w , e m barra sse d b y th e q uestio n, " . . . lo oked a fte r b y s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "It fe el . . ." S he's s till s it tin g u p s o s tr a ig ht it lo oks p ain fu l. " U m, m ayb e . . . w e c o uld g o o n to th e next o ne." "O h. A lr ig ht." I s ta re a t m y q uestio ns. " W hat d o y o u lik e b est a b out b ein g a m aid a nd w hat d o y o u lik e le ast? " She lo oks u p a t m e, lik e I 'v e a sk ed h er to d efin e a d ir ty w ord .

"I- -I s p ec I lik e lo okin g a fte r th e k id s b est," s h e w his p ers .

"A nyth in g . . . y o u'd lik e to a d d . . . a b out th at? " "N o m a'a m ." "A ib ile en, y o u d on't h ave to c all m e 'm a'a m .' N ot h ere ." "Y es m a'a m . O h. S orry ." S he c o vers h er m outh .

Loud v o ic es s h o ut in th e s tr e et a nd b oth o ur e yes d art to w ard th e w in d ow . W e a re q uie t, s to ck -still.

What w ould h ap pen if s o m eo ne w hit e fo und o ut I w as h ere o n a S atu rd ay n ig ht ta lk in g to A ib ile en in her r e gula r c lo th es? W ould th ey c all th e p olic e, to r e p ort a s u sp ic io us m eetin g? I 'm s u d denly s u re th ey w ould . W e'd b e a rre ste d b ecause th at is w hat th ey d o. T hey'd c harg e u s w it h in te gra tio n vio la tio n--I r e ad a b out it in th e p ap er a ll th e tim e--th ey d esp is e th e w hit e s th at m eet w it h th e co lo re d s to h elp w it h th e c iv il r ig hts m ovem ent. T his h as n o th in g to d o w it h in te gra tio n, b ut w hy e ls e would w e b e m eetin g? I d id n't e ven b rin g a ny M is s M yrn a le tte rs a s b ack up .

I s e e o pen, h o nest fe ar o n A ib ile en's fa ce. S lo w ly th e v o ic es o uts id e d is sip ate d ow n th e r o ad . I exhale b ut A ib ile en s ta ys te nse . S he k eep s h er e yes o n th e c urta in s.

I lo ok d ow n a t m y lis t o f q uestio ns, s e arc hin g fo r s o m eth in g to d ra w th is n erv o usn ess o ut o f h er, o ut of m yse lf . I k eep th in k in g a b out h o w m uch tim e I 'v e lo st a lr e ad y.

"A nd w hat . . . d id y o u s a y y o u d is lik ed a b out y o ur jo b?" Aib ile en s w allo w s h ard .

"I m ean, d o y o u w ant to ta lk a b out th e b ath ro om ? O r a b out E liz --M is s L eefo lt ? A nyth in g a b out th e way s h e p ays y o u? H as s h e e ver y elle d a t y o u in fr o nt o f M ae M oble y?" Aib ile en ta k es a n ap kin a nd d ab s it to h er fo re head . S he s ta rts to s p eak , b ut s to ps h ers e lf .

"W e'v e ta lk ed p le nty o f tim es, A ib ile en . . ." She p uts h er h and to h er m outh . " I'm s o rry , I - -" S he g ets u p a nd w alk s q uic k ly d ow n th e n arro w hall. A d oor c lo se s, r a ttlin g th e te ap ot a nd th e c up s o n th e tr a y.

Fiv e m in ute s p ass. W hen s h e c o m es b ack , s h e h o ld s a to w el to h er fr o nt, th e w ay I 'v e s e en M oth er do a fte r s h e v o m it s , w hen s h e d oesn 't m ak e it to h er to ile t in tim e.

"I'm s o rry . I th o ught I w as . . . r e ad y to ta lk ." I n o d, n o t s u re w hat to d o.

"I ju st . . . I k no w y o u a lr e ad y to ld th at la d y in N ew Y ork I 's g o ne d o th is b ut . . ." S he c lo se s h er eyes. " I'm s o rry . I d on't th in k I c an. I th in k I n eed to la y d ow n." "T om orro w n ig ht. I 'll . . . c o m e u p w it h a b ette r w ay. L et's ju st tr y a gain a nd . . ." She s h ak es h er h ead , c lu tc hes h er to w el.

On m y d riv e h o m e, I w ant to k ic k m yse lf . F or th in k in g I c o uld ju st w alt z in a nd d em and a nsw ers .

For th in k in g s h e'd s to p fe elin g lik e th e m aid ju st b ecause w e w ere a t h er h o use , b ecause s h e w asn 't wearin g a u nif o rm .

I lo ok o ver a t m y n o te b ook o n th e w hit e le ath er s e at. B esid es w here s h e g re w u p , I 'v e g o tte n a to ta l of tw elv e w ord s. A nd fo ur o f th em a re yes m a'a m a nd no m a'a m .

PA TSY C LIN E'S V O IC E D RIF TS o ut o f W JD X r a d io . A s I d riv e d ow n th e C ounty R oad , th ey'r e pla yin g " W alk in g A fte r M id nig ht." W hen I p ull in to H illy 's d riv ew ay, th ey'r e o n " T hre e C ig are tte s in an A sh tr a y." H er p la ne c ra sh ed th is m orn in g a nd e very o ne fr o m N ew Y ork to M is sis sip pi to S eattle is in m ourn in g, s in gin g h er s o ngs. I p ark th e C ad illa c a nd s ta re o ut a t H illy 's r a m blin g w hit e h o use .

It's b een fo ur d ays s in ce A ib ile en v o m it e d in th e m id dle o f o ur in te rv ie w a nd I 'v e h eard n o th in g fr o m her.

I g o in sid e. T he b rid ge ta b le is s e t u p in H illy 's a nte b ellu m -sty le p arlo r w it h it s d eafe nin g g ra nd fa th er clo ck a nd g o ld s w ag c urta in s. E very o ne is s e ate d --H illy , E liz a b eth , a nd L ou A nne T em ple to n, w ho has r e p la ced M is su s W alt e rs . L ou A nne is o ne o f th o se g ir ls w ho w ears a b ig e ager s m ile -- all th e tim e, a nd it n ever s to ps. I t m ak es m e w ant to s tic k a s tr a ig ht p in in h er. A nd w hen y o u'r e n o t lo okin g, s h e s ta re s a t y o u w it h th at v ap id , to oth y s m ile . A nd s h e a gre es w it h e very s in gle lit tle th in g Hilly s a ys.

Hilly h o ld s u p a Lif e m agazin e, p oin ts to a s p re ad o f a h o use in C alif o rn ia . " A d en th ey'r e c allin g it , lik e w ild a nim als a re liv in g th ere ." "O h, is n 't th at d re ad fu l! " L ou A nne b eam s.

The p ic tu re s h o w s w all- to -w all s h ag c arp et a nd lo w , s tr e am lin ed s o fa s, e gg-sh ap ed c hair s a nd te le vis io ns th at lo ok lik e fly in g s a ucers . I n H illy 's p arlo r, a p ortr a it o f a C onfe d era te g enera l h angs eig ht fe et ta ll. I t is a s p ro m in ent a s if h e w ere a g ra nd fa th er a nd n o t a th ir d c o usin r e m oved .

"T hat's it . T ru d y's h o use lo oks ju st lik e th at," E liz a b eth s a ys. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in th e in te rv ie w w it h A ib ile en, I 'd a lm ost fo rg o tte n E liz a b eth 's tr ip la st w eek to s e e h er o ld er s is te r. T ru d y marrie d a b ank er a nd th ey m oved to H olly w ood. E liz a b eth w ent o ut th ere fo r fo ur d ays to s e e h er new h o use .

"W ell, th at's ju st b ad ta ste , is w hat it is ," H illy s a ys. " N o o ffe nse to y o ur fa m ily , E liz a b eth ." "W hat w as H olly w ood lik e?" L ou A nne a sk s.

"O h, it w as lik e a d re am . A nd T ru d y's h o use --T .V . s e ts in e very r o om . T hat s a m e c ra zy s p ace-a ge fu rn it u re y o u c o uld h ard ly e ven s it in . W e w ent to a ll th ese fa ncy r e sta ura nts , w here th e m ovie s ta rs eat, a nd d ra nk m artin is a nd b urg und y w in e. A nd o ne n ig ht M ax F acto r h im se lf c am e o ver to th e ta b le , s p oke to T ru d y lik e th ey'r e ju st o ld fr ie nd s"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead --"lik e th ey w ere ju st p assin g by in th e g ro cery s to re ." E liz a b eth s ig hs.

"W ell, if y o u a sk m e, y o u'r e s till th e p re ttie st in th e fa m ily ," H illy s a ys. " N ot th at T ru d y's u nattr a ctiv e, but y o u'r e th e o ne w it h th e p ois e a nd th e r e al s ty le ." Eliz a b eth s m ile s a t th is , b ut th en d rif ts b ack to fr o w nin g. " N ot to m entio n s h e h as liv e-in h elp , e very day, e very hour.

I h ard ly h ad to s e e M ae M oble y a t a ll. " I c rin ge a t th is c o m ment, b ut n o o ne e ls e s e em s to n o tic e. H illy 's w atc hin g h er m aid , Y ule M ay, r e fill our te a g la sse s. S he's ta ll, s le nd er, a lm ost r e gal- lo okin g a nd h as a m uch b ette r fig ure th an H illy .

Seein g h er m ak es m e w orry a b out A ib ile en. I 'v e c alle d A ib ile en's h o use tw ic e th is w eek , b ut th ere wasn 't a ny a nsw er. I 'm s u re s h e's a vo id in g m e. I g uess I 'll h ave to g o to E liz a b eth 's h o use to ta lk to her w heth er E liz a b eth lik es it o r n o t.

"I w as th in k in g n ext y ear w e m ig ht d o a Gone W it h t h e W in d th em e fo r th e B enefit ," H illy s a ys, "m ayb e r e nt th e o ld F air v ie w M ansio n?" "W hat a g re at id ea!" L ou A nne s a ys.

"O h S keete r," H illy s a ys, " I k no w y o u ju st h ate d m is sin g it th is y ear." I n o d, g iv e a p it if u l fr o w n. I 'd pre te nd ed to h ave th e flu to a vo id g o in g a lo ne.

"I'll te ll y o u o ne th in g," H illy s a ys, " I w on't b e h ir in g th at r o ck -a nd -ro ll b and a gain , p la yin g a ll th at fa st dance m usic . . ." Eliz a b eth ta p s m y a rm . S he h as h er h and bag in h er la p . " I a lm ost fo rg o t to g iv e th is to y o u. F ro m Aib ile en, fo r th e M is s M yrn a th in g? I to ld h er th o ugh, y 'a ll c anno t p ow wow o n th is to day, n o t a fte r all th at tim e s h e m is se d in J a nuary ." I o pen th e fo ld ed p ie ce o f p ap er. T he w ord s a re in b lu e in k , in a lo vely c urs iv e h and .

I k now h ow t o m ake t h e t e a pot s to p r a ttlin g.

"A nd w ho in th e w orld c are s a b out h o w to m ak e a te ap ot n o t r a ttle ?" E liz a b eth s a ys. B ecause o f co urs e s h e r e ad it .

It ta k es m e tw o s e co nd s a nd a d rin k o f ic ed te a to u nd ers ta nd . " Y ou w ould n't b elie ve h o w h ard it is ," I te ll h er.

TW O D AY S L ATER , I s it in m y p are nts ' k it c hen, w ait in g fo r d usk to fa ll. I g iv e in a nd lig ht a no th er cig are tte e ven th o ugh la st n ig ht th e s u rg eo n g enera l c am e o n th e te le vis io n s e t a nd s h o ok h is fin ger a t every b ody, tr y in g to c o nvin ce u s th at s m okin g w ill k ill u s. B ut M oth er o nce to ld m e to ngue k is sin g would tu rn m e b lin d a nd I 'm s ta rtin g to th in k it 's a ll ju st a b ig p lo t b etw een th e s u rg eo n g enera l a nd Moth er to m ak e s u re n o o ne e ver h as a ny fu n.

At e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at s a m e n ig ht, I 'm s tu m blin g d ow n A ib ile en's s tr e et a s d is c re etly a s o ne c an carry in g a fif ty -p ound C oro na ty p ew rit e r. I k no ck s o ftly , a lr e ad y d yin g fo r a no th er c ig are tte to c alm my n erv es. A ib ile en a nsw ers a nd I s lip in sid e. S he's w earin g th e s a m e g re en d re ss a nd s tif f b la ck sh o es a s la st tim e.

I tr y to s m ile , lik e I 'm c o nfid ent it w ill w ork th is tim e, d esp it e th e id ea s h e e xp la in ed o ver th e p ho ne.

"C ould w e . . . s it in th e k it c hen th is tim e?" I a sk . " W ould y o u m in d ?" "A lr ig ht. A in 't n o th in g to lo ok a t, b ut c o m e o n b ack ." The k it c hen is a b out h alf th e s iz e o f th e liv in g r o om , a nd w arm er. I t s m ells lik e te a a nd le m ons. T he bla ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um flo or h as b een s c ru b bed th in . T here 's ju st e no ugh c o unte r fo r th e c hin a te a se t.

I s e t th e ty p ew rit e r o n a s c ra tc hed r e d ta b le u nd er th e w in d ow . A ib ile en s ta rts to p our th e h o t w ate r in to th e te ap ot.

"O h, n o ne fo r m e, th ank s," I s a y a nd r e ach in m y b ag. " I b ro ught u s s o m e C o-C ola s if y o u w ant one." I 'v e tr ie d to c o m e u p w it h w ays to m ak e A ib ile en m ore c o m fo rta b le . N um ber O ne: d on't mak e h er fe el lik e s h e h as to s e rv e m e.

"W ell, a in 't th at n ic e. I u su ally d on't ta k e m y te a till la te r a nyw ay." S he b rin gs o ver a n o pener a nd tw o gla sse s. I d rin k m in e s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle a nd , s e ein g th is , s h e p ush es th e g la sse s a sid e, d oes th e sa m e.

I c alle d A ib ile en a fte r E liz a b eth g ave m e th e n o te , a nd lis te ned h o pefu lly a s A ib ile en to ld m e h er id ea--fo r h er to w rit e h er o w n w ord s d ow n a nd th en s h o w m e w hat's s h e's w rit te n. I tr ie d to a ct excit e d . B ut I k no w I 'll h ave to r e w rit e e very th in g s h e's w rit te n, w astin g e ven m ore tim e. I th o ught it mig ht m ak e it e asie r if s h e c o uld s e e it in ty p efa ce in ste ad o f m e r e ad in g it a nd te llin g h er it c an't work th is w ay.

We s m ile a t e ach o th er. I ta k e a s ip o f m y C oke, s m ooth m y b lo use . " S o . . ." I s a y.

Aib ile en h as a w ir e -rin ged n o te b ook in fr o nt o f h er. " W ant m e to . . . ju st g o h ead a nd r e ad ?" "S ure ," I s a y.

We b oth ta k e d eep b re ath s a nd s h e b egin s r e ad in g in a s lo w , s te ad y v o ic e. "M y fir s t w hit e b ab y to e ver lo ok a fte r w as n am ed A lt o n C arrin gto n S peers . I t w as 1 924 a nd I 'd ju st tu rn ed fif te en y ears o ld . A lt o n w as a lo ng, s k in ny b ab y w it h h air fin e a s s ilk o n a c o rn . . ." I b egin ty p in g a s s h e r e ad s, h er w ord s r h yth m ic , p ro no unced m ore c le arly th an h er u su al ta lk . " E very win d ow in th at filt h y h o use w as p ain te d s h ut o n th e in sid e, e ven th o ugh th e h o use w as b ig w it h a wid e g re en la w n. I k new th e a ir w as b ad , fe lt s ic k m yse lf . . ." "H ang o n," I s a y. I 'v e ty p ed wid e g re em .

I b lo w o n th e ty p in g flu id , r e ty p e it . " O kay, g o a head ." "W hen th e m am a d ie d , s ix m onth s la te r," s h e r e ad s, " o f th e lu ng d is e ase , th ey k ep t m e o n to r a is e Alt o n u ntil th ey m oved a w ay to M em phis . I lo ved th at b ab y a nd h e lo ved m e a nd th at's w hen I knew I w as g o od a t m ak in g c hild re n fe el p ro ud o f th em se lv es . . ." I h ad n't w ante d to in su lt A ib ile en w hen s h e to ld m e h er id ea. I tr ie d to u rg e h er o ut o f it , o ver th e pho ne. " W rit in g is n 't th at e asy. A nd y o u w ould n't h ave tim e fo r th is a nyw ay, A ib ile en, n o t w it h a fu ll- tim e jo b." "C an't b e m uch d if fe re nt th an w rit in g m y p ra yers e very n ig ht." It w as th e fir s t in te re stin g th in g s h e'd to ld m e a b out h ers e lf s in ce w e'd s ta rte d th e p ro je ct, s o I 'd gra b bed th e s h o ppin g p ad in th e p antr y . " Y ou d on't s a y y o ur p ra yers , th en?" "I n ever to ld n o body th at b efo re . N ot e ven M in ny. F in d I c an g et m y p oin t a cro ss a lo t b ette r w rit in g em d ow n." "S o th is is w hat y o u d o o n th e w eek end s? " I a sk ed . " In y o ur s p are tim e?" I lik ed th e id ea o f cap tu rin g h er lif e o uts id e o f w ork , w hen s h e w asn 't u nd er th e e ye o f E liz a b eth L eefo lt .

"O h n o , I w rit e a h o ur, s o m etim es tw o e ver d ay. L ot a a ilin g, s ic k p eo ple s in th is to w n." I w as im pre sse d . T hat w as m ore th an I w ro te o n s o m e d ays. I to ld h er w e'd tr y it ju st to g et th e pro je ct g o in g a gain .

Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , a s w allo w o f C oke, a nd r e ad s o n.

She b ack tr a ck s to h er fir s t jo b a t th ir te en, c le anin g th e F ra ncis th e F ir s t s ilv er s e rv ic e a t th e go vern o r's m ansio n. S he r e ad s h o w o n h er fir s t m orn in g, s h e m ad e a m is ta k e o n th e c hart w here y o u fille d in th e n um ber o f p ie ces s o th ey'd k no w y o u h ad n't s to le n a nyth in g.

"I c o m e h o m e th at m orn in g, a fte r I b een fir e d , a nd s to od o uts id e m y h o use w it h m y n ew w ork s h o es on. T he s h o es m y m am a p aid a m onth 's w orth a lig ht b ill fo r. I g uess th at's w hen I u nd ers to od w hat sh am e w as a nd th e c o lo r o f it to o. S ham e a in 't b la ck , lik e d ir t, lik e I a lw ays th o ught it w as. S ham e be th e c o lo r o f a n ew w hit e u nif o rm y o ur m oth er ir o ned a ll n ig ht to p ay fo r, w hit e w it h o ut a s m ud ge or a s p eck a w ork -d ir t o n it ." Aib ile en lo oks u p to s e e w hat I th in k . I s to p ty p in g. I 'd e xp ecte d th e s to rie s to b e s w eet, g lo ssy. I re aliz e I m ig ht b e g ettin g m ore th an I 'd b arg ain ed fo r. S he r e ad s o n.

". . . s o I g o o n a nd g et th e c hif fa ro be s tr a ig hte ned o ut a nd b efo re I k no w it , th at lit tle w hit e b oy done c ut h is fin gers c le an o ff in th at w in d ow fa n I a sk ed h er to ta k e o ut te n tim es. I n ever s e en th at much r e d c o m e o ut a p ers o n a nd I g ra b th e b oy, I g ra b th em fo ur fin gers . T ote h im to th e c o lo re d ho sp it a l c ause I d id n't k no w w here th e w hit e o ne w as. B ut w hen I g o t th ere , a c o lo re d m an s to p m e and s a y, Is t h is b oy w hit e ?

" T he ty p ew rit e r k eys a re c la ck in g lik e h ail o n a r o of. A ib ile en is r e ad in g fa ste r a nd I a m ig no rin g m y m is ta k es, s to ppin g h er o nly to p ut in a no th er p age. E very e ig ht s e co nd s, I flin g th e c arria ge a sid e.

"A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Is t h em h is w hit e f in gers?

A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Well, y o u bette r t e ll e m h e y o ur h ig h y ello w c a use t h at c o lo re d d octo r w on't o pera te o n a w hit e b oy in a Neg ro h osp it a l.

A nd th en a w hit e p olic em an g ra b m e a nd h e s a y, Now y o u lo ok a h ere -- " She s to ps. L ooks u p . T he c la ck in g c ease s.

"W hat? T he p olic em an s a id lo ok a h ere w hat? " "W ell, th at's a ll I p ut d ow n. H ad to c atc h th e b us fo r w ork th is m orn in g." I h it th e r e tu rn a nd th e ty p ew rit e r d in gs. A ib ile en a nd I lo ok e ach o th er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. I th in k th is mig ht a ctu ally w ork .

ch ap te r 1 2 E V ERY O TH ER N IG HT fo r th e n ext tw o w eek s, I te ll M oth er I 'm o ff to fe ed th e h ungry a t th e C anto n P re sb yte ria n C hurc h, w here w e, fo rtu nate ly , k no w n o t a s o ul. O f c o urs e s h e'd r a th er I g o d ow n to th e F ir s t P re sb yte ria n, b ut M oth er's n o t o ne to a rg ue w it h C hris tia n w ork s a nd s h e n o ds a p pro vin gly , te lls m e o n th e s id e to m ak e s u re I w ash m y h and s th o ro ughly w it h s o ap a fte rw ard .

H our a fte r h o ur, in A ib ile en's k it c hen, s h e r e ad s h er w rit in g a nd I ty p e, th e d eta ils th ic k enin g, th e b ab ie s' fa ces s lid in g in to fo cus. A t fir s t, I 'm d is a p poin te d th at A ib ile en is d oin g m ost o f th e w rit in g, w it h m e ju st e d it in g. B ut if M is su s S te in lik es it , I 'll b e w rit in g th e o th er m aid s' s to rie s a nd th at w ill b e m ore th an e no ugh w ork .

If s h e lik es it ... I fin d m yse lf s a yin g th is o ver a nd o ver in m y h ead , h o pin g it m ig ht m ak e it s o .

A ib ile en's w rit in g is c le ar, h o nest. I te ll h er s o .

" W ell, lo ok w ho I b een w rit in g to ." S he c huck le s. " C an't lie to G od." B efo re I w as b orn , s h e a ctu ally p ic k ed c o tto n fo r a w eek a t L ongle af, m y o w n fa m ily 's fa rm . O nce s h e la p se s in to ta lk in g a b out C onsta ntin e w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g.

" L aw , th at C onsta ntin e c o uld s in g. L ik e a p ure b re d a ngel s ta nd in g in th e fr o nt a th e c hurc h. G iv e e verb ody c hills , lis te nin g to th at s ilk y v o ic e a h ers a nd w hen s h e w ould n't s in g n o m ore a fte r s h e h ad t o g iv e h er b ab y to --" S he s to ps. L ooks a t m e.

S he s a ys, " A nyw ay." I te ll m yse lf n o t to p re ss h er. I w is h I c o uld h ear e very th in g s h e k no w s a b out C onsta ntin e, b ut I 'll w ait u ntil w e'v e fin is h ed h er in te rv ie w s. I d on't w ant to p ut a nyth in g b etw een u s n o w .

" A ny w ord fr o m M in ny y et? " I a sk . " If M is su s S te in lik es it ," I s a y, p ra ctic ally c hantin g th e fa m ilia r w ord s, " I ju st w ant to h ave th e n ext in te rv ie w s e t u p a nd r e ad y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I a sk ed M in ny th re e tim es a nd s h e s till s a y s h e a in 't g o ne d o it . I s p ec it 's t im e I b elie ved h er." I tr y n o t to s h o w m y w orry . " M ayb e y o u c o uld a sk s o m e o th ers ? S ee if th ey'r e in te re ste d ?" I a m p osit iv e th at A ib ile en w ould h ave b ette r lu ck c o nvin cin g s o m eo ne th an I w ould .

A ib ile en n o ds. " I g o t s o m e m ore I c an a sk . B ut h o w lo ng y o u th in k it 's g o ne ta k e fo r th is la d y to te ll y o u if s h e lik e it ? " I s h ru g. " I d on't k no w . I f w e m ail it n ext w eek , m ayb e w e'll h ear fr o m h er b y m id -F eb ru ary . B ut I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." A ib ile en p re sse s h er lip s to geth er, lo oks d ow n a t h er p ages. I s e e s o m eth in g th at I h aven't n o tic ed b efo re . A ntic ip atio n, a g lin t o f e xcit e m ent. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in m y o w n s e lf , it h asn 't o ccurre d to m e th at A ib ile en m ig ht b e a s th rille d a s I a m th at a n e d it o r in N ew Y ork is g o in g to r e ad h er s to ry . I s m ile a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath , m y h o pe g ro w in g s tr o nger.

On o ur fif th s e ssio n, A ib ile en r e ad s to m e a b out th e d ay T re elo re d ie d . S he r e ad s a b out h o w h is bro ken b ody w as th ro w n o n th e b ack o f a p ic k up b y th e w hit e fo re m an. " A nd th en th ey d ro pped him o ff a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. T hat's w hat th e n urs e to ld m e, w ho w as s ta nd in g o uts id e. T hey r o lle d him o ff th e tr u ck b ed a nd th e w hit e m en d ro ve a w ay." A ib ile en d oesn 't c ry , ju st le ts a p arc el o f tim e pass w hile I s ta re a t th e ty p ew rit e r, s h e a t th e w orn b la ck tile s.

On th e s ix th s e ssio n, A ib ile en s a ys, " I w ent to w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt in 1 960. W hen M ae M oble y tw o w eek s o ld ," a nd I fe el I 'v e p asse d th ro ugh a le ad en g ate o f c o nfid ence. S he d esc rib es th e build in g o f th e g ara ge b ath ro om , a d m it s s h e is g la d it is th ere n o w . I t's e asie r th an lis te nin g to H illy co m pla in a b out s h arin g a to ile t w it h th e m aid . S he te lls m e th at I o nce c o m mente d th at c o lo re d peo ple a tte nd to o m uch c hurc h. T hat s tu ck w it h h er. I c rin ge, w ond erin g w hat e ls e I 'v e s a id , n ever su sp ectin g th e h elp w as lis te nin g o r c are d .

One n ig ht s h e s a ys, " I w as th in k in g . . ." B ut th en s h e s to ps.

I lo ok u p fr o m th e ty p ew rit e r, w ait . I t to ok A ib ile en v o m it in g o n h ers e lf fo r m e to le arn to le t h er ta k e h er tim e.

"I's th in k in g I o ught to d o s o m e r e ad in g. M ig ht h elp m e w it h m y o w n w rit in g." "G o d ow n to th e S ta te S tr e et L ib ra ry . T hey h ave a w ho le r o om fu ll o f S outh ern w rit e rs . F aulk ner, Eud ora W elt y --" Aib ile en g iv es m e a d ry c o ugh. " Y ou k no w c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a llo w ed in th at lib ra ry ." I s it th ere a s e co nd , fe elin g s tu p id . " I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t th at." T he c o lo re d lib ra ry m ust b e p re tty bad . T here w as a s it - in a t th e w hit e lib ra ry a fe w y ears a go a nd it m ad e th e p ap ers . W hen th e co lo re d c ro w d s h o w ed u p fo r th e s it - in tr ia l, th e p olic e d ep artm ent s im ply s te p ped b ack a nd tu rn ed th e G erm an s h ep herd s lo ose . I lo ok a t A ib ile en a nd a m r e m in d ed , o nce a gain , th e r is k s h e's ta k in g ta lk in g to m e. " I'll b e g la d to p ic k th e b ooks u p fo r y o u," I s a y.

Aib ile en h urrie s to th e b ed ro om a nd c o m es b ack w it h a lis t. " I b ette r m ark th e o nes I w ant fir s t. I been o n th e w ait in g lis t fo r To K ill a M ock in gbir d a t th e C arv er L ib ra ry n ear b out th re e m onth s no w . L ess s e e . . ." I w atc h a s s h e p uts c heck m ark s n ext to th e b ooks:

The S ouls o f B la ck F olk b y W . E . B . D u B ois , poem s b y E m ily D ic k in so n ( a ny), The A dven tu re s o f H uck le b erry F in n.

"I r e ad s o m e a th at b ack in s c ho ol, b ut I d id n't g et to fin is h ." S he k eep s m ark in g, s to ppin g to th in k whic h o ne s h e w ants n ext.

"Y ou w ant a b ook b y . . . S ig m und F re ud ?" "O h, p eo ple c ra zy." S he n o ds. " I lo ve r e ad in g a b out h o w th e h ead w ork . Y ou e ver d re am y o u fa ll in a la k e? H e s a y y o u d re am in g a b out y o ur o w n s e lf b ein g b orn . M is s F ra nces, w ho I w ork fo r in 1957, s h e h ad a ll th em b ooks." On h er tw elf th tit le , I h ave to k no w . " A ib ile en, h o w lo ng h ave y o u b een w antin g to a sk m e th is ? I f I 'd check th ese b ooks o ut fo r y o u?" "A w hile ." S he s h ru gs. " I g uess I 's a fr a id to m entio n it ." "D id y o u . . . th in k I 'd s a y n o ?" "T hese is w hit e r u le s. I d on't k no w w hic h o nes y o u fo llo w in g a nd w hic h o nes y o u a in 't ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . " I'm tir e d o f th e r u le s," I s a y.

Aib ile en c huck le s a nd lo oks o ut th e w in d ow . I r e aliz e h o w th in th is r e vela tio n m ust s o und to h er.

FO R F O UR D AY S S TR A IG HT, I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r in m y b ed ro om . T w enty o f m y ty p ed p ages, fu ll o f s la sh es a nd r e d -c ir c le d e d it s , b eco m e th ir ty -o ne o n th ic k S tr a th m ore w hit e . I w rit e a s h o rt bio gra p hy o f S ara h R oss, th e n am e A ib ile en c ho se , a fte r h er s ix th -g ra d e te acher w ho d ie d y ears ago . I in clu d e h er a ge, w hat h er p are nts d id fo r a liv in g. I fo llo w th is w it h A ib ile en's o w n s to rie s, ju st as s h e w ro te th em , s im ple , s tr a ig htfo rw ard .

On d ay th re e, M oth er c alls u p th e s ta ir s to a sk w hat in th e w orld I 'm d oin g u p th ere a ll d ay a nd I ho lle r d ow n, Ju st t y p in g u p s o m e n ote s f ro m t h e B ib le s tu dy. J u st w rit in g d ow n a ll t h e t h in gs I lo ve a bout J esu s.

I h ear h er te ll D ad dy, in th e k it c hen a fte r s u p per, " S he's u p to s o m eth in g." I c arry my lit tle w hit e b ap tis m B ib le a ro und th e h o use , to m ak e it m ore b elie vab le .

I r e ad a nd r e -re ad a nd th en ta k e th e p ages to A ib ile en in th e e venin gs a nd s h e d oes th e s a m e. S he sm ile s a nd n o ds o ver th e n ic e p arts w here e very o ne g ets a lo ng fin e b ut o n th e b ad p arts s h e ta k es off h er b la ck r e ad in g g la sse s a nd s a ys, " I k no w I w ro te it , b ut y o u r e ally w ant to p ut th at in a b out th e--" And I s a y, " Y es, I d o." B ut I a m s u rp ris e d m yse lf b y w hat's in th ese s to rie s, o f s e p ara te c o lo re d re fr ig era to rs a t th e g o vern o r's m ansio n, o f w hit e w om en th ro w in g tw o-y ear- o ld fit s o ver w rin k le d nap kin s, w hit e b ab ie s c allin g A ib ile en " M am a." At th re e a .m ., w it h o nly tw o w hit e c o rre ctio n m ark s o n w hat is n o w tw enty -se ven p ages, I s lid e th e manusc rip t in to a y ello w e nvelo pe. Y este rd ay, I m ad e a lo ng-d is ta nce p ho ne c all to M is su s S te in 's offic e. H er s e cre ta ry , R uth , s a id s h e w as in a m eetin g. S he to ok d ow n m y m essa ge, th at th e in te rv ie w is o n it s w ay. T here w as n o c all b ack fr o m M is su s S te in to day.

I h o ld th e e nvelo pe to m y h eart a nd a lm ost w eep fr o m e xhaustio n, d oub t. I m ail it a t th e C anto n P .

O. th e n ext m orn in g. I c o m e h o m e a nd lie d ow n o n m y o ld ir o n b ed , w orry in g o ver w hat w ill h ap pen . . .

if s h e lik es it .

W hat if E liz a b eth o r H illy c atc hes u s a t w hat w e'r e d oin g? W hat if A ib ile en g ets fir e d , s e nt to ja il? I fe el lik e I 'm fa llin g d ow n a lo ng s p ir a l tu nnel. G od, w ould th ey b eat h er th e w ay th ey b eat th e c o lo re d b oy w ho u se d th e w hit e b ath ro om ? W hat a m I d oin g? W hy a m I p uttin g h er a t su ch r is k ?

I g o to s le ep . I h ave n ig htm are s fo r th e n ext fif te en h o urs s tr a ig ht. IT 's a Q UARTER P A ST O NE a nd H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I a re s it tin g a t E liz a b eth 's d in in g r o om ta b le w ait in g o n L ou A nne to s h o w u p . I 'v e h ad n o th in g to e at to day e xcep t M oth er's s e xual- co rre ctio n te a a nd I fe el n ause o us, ju m py. M y fo ot is w aggin g u nd er th e ta b le . I 'v e b een lik e th is fo r te n d ays, e ver s in ce I m aile d A ib ile en's s to rie s to E la in e S te in . I c alle d o nce a nd R uth s a id s h e passe d it o n to h er fo ur d ays a go , b ut s till I 'v e h eard n o th in g.

"Is th is n o t ju st th e r u d est th in g y o u'v e e ver h eard o f ? " H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h a nd s c o w ls . T his is Lou A nne's s e co nd tim e to b e la te . S he w on't la st lo ng in o ur g ro up w it h H illy a ro und .

Aib ile en w alk s in th e d in in g r o om a nd I d o m y b est n o t to lo ok a t h er fo r to o lo ng. I a m a fr a id H illy or E liz a b eth w ill s e e s o m eth in g in m y e yes.

"S to p jig glin g y o ur fo ot, S keete r. Y ou'r e s h ak in g th e w ho le e ntir e ta b le ," H illy s a ys.

Aib ile en m oves a ro und th e r o om in h er e asy, w hit e -u nif o rm ed s tr id e, n o t s h o w in g e ven a h in t o f what w e'v e d one. I g uess s h e's g ro w n d eft a t h id in g h er fe elin gs.

Hilly s h uffle s a nd d eals o ut a h and o f g in r u m my. I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e g am e, b ut lit tle fa cts keep ju m pin g in m y h ead e very tim e I lo ok a t E liz a b eth . A bout M ae M oble y u sin g th e g ara ge bath ro om , h o w A ib ile en c an't k eep h er lu nch in th e L eefo lt s ' r e fr ig era to r. S m all d eta ils I 'm p riv y to no w .

Aib ile en o ffe rs m e a b is c uit fr o m a s ilv er tr a y. S he fills m y ic ed te a lik e w e a re th e s tr a ngers w e w ere meant to b e. I 'v e b een to h er h o use tw ic e s in ce I m aile d th e p ack age to N ew Y ork , b oth tim es to tr a d e o ut h er lib ra ry b ooks. S he s till w ears th e g re en d re ss w it h b la ck p ip in g w hen I c o m e o ver.

Som etim es s h e'll s lip o ff h er s h o es u nd er th e ta b le . L ast tim e, s h e p ulle d o ut a p ack o f M ontc la ir s and s m oked r ig ht th ere w it h m e in th e r o om a nd th at w as k in d o f s o m eth in g, th e c asu aln ess o f it . I had o ne to o. N ow s h e is c le arin g a w ay m y c ru m bs w it h th e s te rlin g s ilv er s c ra p er I g ave to E liz a b eth and R ale ig h fo r th eir w ed din g.

"W ell, w hile w e w ait , I h ave s o m e n ew s," E liz a b eth s a ys a nd I r e co gniz e th e lo ok o n h er fa ce alr e ad y, th e s e cre tiv e n o d, o ne h and o n h er s to m ach.

"I'm p re gnant." S he s m ile s, h er m outh tr e m blin g a lit tle .

"T hat's g re at," I s a y. I p ut d ow n m y c ard s a nd to uch h er a rm . S he tr u ly lo oks lik e s h e m ig ht c ry .

"W hen a re y o u d ue?" "O cto ber." "W ell, it 's a b out tim e," H illy s a ys, g iv in g h er a h ug. " M ae M oble y's p ra ctic ally g ro w n." Eliz a b eth lig hts a c ig are tte , s ig hs. S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c ard s. " W e'r e a ll r e al e xcit e d ." While w e p la y a fe w p ra ctic e h and s, H illy a nd E liz a b eth ta lk a b out b ab y n am es. I tr y to c o ntr ib ute to th e c o nvers a tio n. " D efin it e ly R ale ig h, if it 's a b oy," I a d d. H illy ta lk s a b out W illia m 's c am paig n. H e's ru nnin g fo r s ta te s e nate n ext y ear, e ven th o ugh h e h as n o p olit ic al e xp erie nce. I 'm g ra te fu l w hen Eliz a b eth te lls A ib ile en to g o a head a nd s e rv e lu nch.

When A ib ile en c o m es b ack in w it h th e g ela tin s a la d , H illy s tr a ig hte ns in h er c hair . " A ib ile en, I h ave an o ld c o at fo r y o u a nd a s a ck o f c lo th es fr o m M is su s W alt e rs ' h o use ." S he d ab s h er m outh w it h h er nap kin . " S o y o u c o m e o n o ut to th e c ar a fte r lu nch a nd p ic k it a ll u p , a lr ig ht? " "Y es m a'a m ." "D on't fo rg et n o w . I c an't w orry w it h b rin gin g th em b y a gain ." "O h n o w is n 't th at n ic e o f M is s H illy , A ib ile en?" E liz a b eth n o ds. " Y ou g o o n a nd g et th o se c lo th es rig ht a fte r w e'r e d one." "Y es m a'a m ." Hilly r a is e s h er v o ic e a b out th re e o cta ves h ig her w hen s h e ta lk s to c o lo re d p eo ple . E liz a b eth s m ile s lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , a lt h o ugh c erta in ly n o t h er o w n. I a m s ta rtin g to n o tic e th in gs.

By th e tim e L ou A nne T em ple to n s h o w s u p , w e'v e fin is h ed o ur s h rim p a nd g rit s a nd a re ju st s ta rtin g on d esse rt. H illy is a m azin gly fo rg iv in g. L ou A nne w as la te , a fte r a ll, b ecause o f a L eague d uty .

Afte rw ard , I te ll E liz a b eth c o ngra tu la tio ns a gain , w alk o ut to m y c ar. A ib ile en is o uts id e c o lle ctin g her g ently u se d c o at fr o m 1 942 a nd o ld c lo th es th at, fo r s o m e r e aso n, H illy w on't g iv e to h er o w n maid , Y ule M ay. H illy s tr id es o ver to m e, h and s m e a n e nvelo pe.

"F or th e n ew sle tte r n ext w eek . Y ou'll b e s u re a nd g et it in fo r m e?" I n o d a nd H illy w alk s b ack to h er c ar. J u st a s A ib ile en o pens th e fr o nt d oor to g o b ack in th e h o use , sh e g la nces b ack m y w ay. I s h ak e m y h ead , m outh th e w ord Noth in g.

S he n o ds a nd g o es o n in th e ho use .

That n ig ht, I w ork o n th e n ew sle tte r, w is h in g I w as w ork in g o n th e s to rie s in ste ad . I g o th ro ugh th e no te s fr o m th e la st L eague m eetin g, a nd c o m e a cro ss H illy 's e nvelo pe. I o pen it . I t is o ne p age, writ te n in H illy 's fa t, c urly p en:

Hilly H olb ro ok in tro duces t h e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e. A d is e a se p re v en ta tiv e mea su re . L ow -c o st b ath ro om in sta lla tio n in y o ur g ara ge o r s h ed , f o r h om es w it h out s u ch a n im porta nt f ix tu re .

Ladie s, d id y o u k now t h at:

* 99% o f a ll c o lo re d d is e a se s a re c a rrie d in t h e u rin e * Whit e s c a n b eco m e p erm anen tly d is a ble d b y n ea rly a ll o f t h ese d is e a se s b eca use w e la ck im munit ie s c o lo re d s c a rry in t h eir d ark er p ig m en ta tio n * Som e g erm s c a rrie d b y w hit e s c a n a ls o b e h arm fu l t o c o lo re d s t o o P ro te ct y o urse lf . P ro te ct yo ur c h ild re n . P ro te ct y o ur h elp .

Fro m t h e H olb ro oks, w e s a y, Y o u'r e w elc o m e!

TH E P H O NE r in gs in T H E k it c hen a nd I p ra ctic ally fa ll o ver m yse lf r a cin g to it . B ut P asc ago ula h as alr e ad y a nsw ere d it .

"M is s C harlo tte r e sid ence." I s ta re h er d ow n, w atc h a s tin y P asc ago ula n o ds, s a ys, " Y es m a'a m , s h e h ere ," a nd h and s m e th e pho ne.

"T his is E ugenia ," I s a y q uic k ly . D ad dy's in th e fie ld s a nd M oth er's a t a d octo r's a p poin tm ent in to w n, s o I s tr e tc h th e b la ck , tw is tin g p ho ne c o rd to th e k it c hen ta b le .

"E la in e S te in h ere ." I b re ath e d eep . " Y es m a'a m . D id y o u r e ceiv e m y p ack age?" "I d id ," s h e s a ys a nd th en b re ath es in to th e p ho ne a fe w s e co nd s.

"T his S ara h R oss. I lik e h er s to rie s. S he lik es to k vetc h w it h o ut c o m pla in in g to o m uch." I n o d. I d on't k no w w hat kvetc h m eans, b ut I th in k it m ust b e g o od.

"B ut I s till s ta nd b y m y o pin io n th at a b ook o f in te rv ie w s . . . o rd in arily w ould n't w ork . I t's n o t fic tio n, b ut it 's n o t n o nfic tio n e it h er. P erh ap s it 's a nth ro polo gic al b ut th at's a g hastly c ate go ry to b e in ." "B ut y o u . . . lik ed it ? " "E ugenia ," s h e s a ys, e xhalin g h er c ig are tte s m oke in to th e p ho ne. " H ave y o u s e en th e c o ver o f Lif e magazin e th is w eek ?" I h aven't s e en th e c o ver o f m y Lif e m agazin e in a m onth , I 'v e b een s o b usy.

"M artin L uth er K in g, d ear. H e ju st a nno unced a m arc h o n D .C . a nd in vit e d e very N egro in A meric a to jo in h im . E very w hit e p ers o n, fo r th at m atte r. T his m any N egro a nd w hit e p eo ple h aven't w ork ed to geth er s in ce Gone W it h t h e W in d.

" "Y es, I d id h ear a b out th e . . . m arc hin g . . . e vent," I lie . I c o ver m y e yes, w is h in g I 'd r e ad th e p ap er th is w eek . I s o und lik e a n id io t.

"M y a d vic e to y o u is , w rit e it a nd w rit e it fa st. T he m arc h is in A ugust. Y ou s h o uld h ave it w rit te n b y New Y ear's ." I g asp . S he's te llin g m e to w rit e it ! S he's te llin g m e . . . " A re y o u s a yin g y o u'll p ub lis h it ? I f I c an w rit e it b y--" "I s a id n o th in g o f th e s o rt," s h e s n ap s. " I w ill r e ad it . I lo ok a t a h und re d m anusc rip ts a m onth a nd re je ct n early a ll o f th em ." "S orry , I ju st . . . I 'll w rit e it ," I s a y. " I'll h ave it fin is h ed in J a nuary ." "A nd fo ur o r fiv e in te rv ie w s w on't b e e no ugh fo r a b ook. Y ou'll n eed a d oze n, m ayb e m ore . Y ou have m ore in te rv ie w s s e t u p , I a ssu m e?" I p re ss m y lip s to geth er. " S om e . . . m ore ." "G ood. T hen g et g o in g. B efo re th is c iv il r ig hts th in g b lo w s o ver." TH AT E V EN IN G, I g o to A ib ile en's . I h and h er th re e m ore b ooks fr o m h er lis t. M y b ack h urts fr o m le anin g o ver th e ty p ew rit e r. T his a fte rn o on, I w ro te d ow n e very o ne I k no w w ho h as a m aid (w hic h is e very o ne I k no w ), a nd th eir m aid 's n am e. B ut s o m e o f th e n am es I c an't r e m em ber.

"T hank y o u, o h L aw , lo ok a t th is ." S he s m ile s a nd flip s to th e fir s t p age o f Wald en , lo oks lik e s h e wants to s ta rt r e ad in g it r ig ht th ere .

"I s p oke to M is su s S te in th is a fte rn o on," I s a y.

Aib ile en's h and s fr e eze o n th e b ook. " I k new s o m eth in g w as w ro ng. I s e en it o n y o ur fa ce." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . " S he s a id s h e lik es y o ur s to rie s v ery m uch. B ut . . . s h e w on't s a y if s h e'll pub lis h it u ntil w e'v e w rit te n th e w ho le th in g." I tr y to lo ok o ptim is tic . " W e h ave to b e fin is h ed ju st afte r th e n ew y ear." "B ut th at's g o od n ew s, a in 't it ? " I n o d, tr y to s m ile .

" Ja nuary, " A ib ile en w his p ers a nd s h e g ets u p a nd le aves th e k it c hen. S he c o m es b ack w it h a T om 's cand y w all c ale nd ar. S he s e ts it d ow n o n th e ta b le , flip s th ro ugh th e m onth s.

"S eem a lo ng w ays o ff n o w , b ut J a nuary a in 't b ut . . . tw o . . . fo ur . . . s i