mkt 376 Briefs - Dale Carnegie Brief
HOW
TO
WIN FRIE,NDS
& INFLIJENCE,
PEOPLE
The Only B
ook You
l{eed
to Lead You
to Success The More You Get Out of
This Book, the More
Y ou’ll Get Out of lif e !
In order ®^o g e ®^ ®^h e ®fos®^ o u ®^ o f ®^his book:
a. Develop a d eep , driving d esire ®^o ®f as®^er ®^h e principles o f hu®f an rela®^ions.
b. Read each ch ap ®^er ®^wice before going o n ®^o ®^he nex®^
one.
c. As you re a d , s®^op frequen®^ly ®^o ask yourself how you can
apply each sugges®^ion.
d. Underscore each i®f p o r®^an ®^ idea.
e. Review ®^his book each ®f on®^h.
f. Apply ®^h e se principles a®^ every oppor®^uni®^y. Use ®^his vol
u®fe as a working han d b o o k ®^o help you solve your
daily proble®f s.
g. Make a lively ga®fe ou®^ o f y o u r learning by offering so®fe
friend a d i®f e or a dollar every ®^i®fe h e o r she ca®^ches
you viola®^ing one of ®^h e se principles.
h. Check u p e ac h week o n ®^h e progress you are ®faking.
Ask y o u rself wha®^ ®f is®^akes you have ®f a d e , wha®^ i®f
prove®fen®^, w h a®^ lessons you have learned for ®^h e fu®^ure.
i. Keep no®^es in ®^he back o f ®^his book show ing how a n d when you have applied ®^h e s e principles. How ®^o D evelop Self-C onfidence and In flu e n c e People by P u b lic
Speaking
How ®^o E n jo y Your L ife a n d Your Job (R evised Edi®^ion)
How ®^o S ®^o p W orrying a n d S®^ar®^ Living
How ®^o W in F riends a n d Influence People
The Q uick a n d Easy W ay ®^o Effec®^ive Speaking Books by \b al\f Carn\fgi\f
Published b y PO C K E T B O O K S How to Win
Friends &
Influence
People ■■ \b \b.
DALE
CAR\bEGIE
Editori\bl Co\fsult\b\ft: Dorothy C\br\fegie
Editori\bl Assist\b\fce: Arthur R. Pell, Ph.D.
G
Gallery \book\f
N e w York London Toronto Syd ney Gallery Books, a division of Si®fon & Schus®^er, Inc.
1230 Avenue o f ®^he A®fericas, New York, NY 10020
Copyrigh®^ © 1936 by Dale Carnegie
Copyrigh®^ renewed © 1964 by Donna Dale Carnegie and Doro®^hy Carnegie Revised edi®^ion copyrigh®^ © 1981 by Donna Dale Carnegie and Doro®^hy Carnegie
Originally published in hardcover in 1981 by Si®fon & Schus®^er, Inc.
All righ®^s reserved, includin®
g ®^he righ®^ ®^o reproduce ®^his book or por®^ions ®^hereof in any for®f wha®^soever.
For infor®fa®^ion address Si®fon & Schus®^er, Inc.,
1230 Avnue o f ®^he A®fericas, New York, NY 10020
ISBN: 0-671-02703-4
Firs®^ Pocke®^/Gallery ®^rade paperback prin®^ing Nove®fber 1998 40 39 38
GALLERY BOOKS and colophon are regis®^ered ®^rade®fark®
s of Si®fon & Schus®^er, Inc.
For infor®fa®^ion regarding special discoun®^s for bulk purchases,
please con®^ac®^ Si®fon & Schus®^er Special Saes a®^ 1-800-456-6798
or business@si®fonandschus®^er.co®f Cover design by To®f McKeveny
Prin®^ed in ®^he U.S.A. This B o o k Is \fedicated t o a Man
Who \f o e s n ’t Need to Read' It— My Cherished \b riend
H O M E R C R O Y Contents
P reface ®^o 1981 E d i®^io n b \f Doroth\f Carnegie
H ow This Book W as W ri®^®^en— a n d W hy b \f Dale Carnegie
N ine Sugges®^ions o n H ow ®^o G e®^ ®^h e Mos®^
O u ®^ o f This Book
PART ONE
\bundamental Techniques in Handling People
1 “I f You Wan®^ ®^o G a ®^h e r Honey, D o n ’®^ Kick O v e r ®^h e Beehive”
2 T h e Big Secre®^ o f Dealing w i®^h People
3 “H e W ho Can D o This Has ®^h e W hole World w i®^h Hi®f. H e W h o Canno®^ W alks a Lonely W ay”
PART TWO
Six Ways to Make People Like You xi
xv
xxiii
3
17
30
1 D o This and You’ll Be W elco®fe Anywhere
2 A Si®fple Way ®^o Make a G ood F irs ®^ I®fpression 51
63 3 I f You D on’®^ D o This, You Are H ead ed for T ro u b le
71
4 An Easy Way ®^o Beco®fe a G o o d Conversa®^ionalis®^ 80
5 H ow ®^o In ®^e re s®^ People 89
6 H ow ®^o Make People Like You Ins®^an®^ly 94
PART THREE How to W in P\fopl\f to Your Way o f
Thinking
1
You Can’®^ W in an Argu®fen®^ 109
2 A Sure Way o f Making E n e®f ies— an d How ®^o Avoid I®^
116
3 I f You’re W rong, Ad®fi®^ I®^ 127
4 A D rop o f H o n e y 135
5 T h e Secre®^ o f Socra®^es 144
6 T h e Safe®^y Valve in Handling Co®fplain®^s 150
7 H ow ®^o G e®^ Coopera®^ion 155
8 A For®f ula T h a ®^ Will Work W o n d ers for You 161
9 W h a®^ Everybody Wan®^s 167
10 An Appeal T h a ®^ Everybody Likes 175
11 T h e Movies D o I®^. TV Does I®^. Why D o n ’®^ You D o I®^?
181
12 W h en N o®^hing E lse Works, T ry This 186PART \bOUR
Be a Leader: How to Change People
Without Giving Offense or Arousing
Resentment
1 I f You Mus®^ F in d Faul®^, This Is ®^h e Way ®^o B egin
2 H ow ®^o Cri®^icize— and No®^ Be H a ®^e d for I®^ 193
199 3
Talk A b o u ®^ Your Own Mis®^akes Firs®^ 203 4 No One Likes ®^o Take O rd e rs 208
5 Le®^ ®^h e O ®^h e r Person Save Face 211
6 How ®^o S p u r People O n ®^o Success 215
7
Give a D o g a Good N a ®f e 221 8 Make ®^h e F a u l®^ See®f E a sy ®^o Correc®^ 226
9 Making P e o p le Glad ®^o D o Wha®^ You W a n ®^ 231
A Shor®^cu®^ ®^o Dis®^inc®^ion
b\f Low ell Tho\bas 237The Dale C arnegie C ourses 249
O ®^her Books 251
My E xperiences in Applying ®^h e Principles
Taugh®^ in This Book 253 Index 255 Preface to 1 9 8 1 Edition
How to W in Friends a n d Influence People was firs®^ published in
1937 in an edi®^ion o f only five ®^housand copies. N ei®^h er Dale
Carnegie nor ®^he publishers, Si®fon and Schus®^er, an®^icipa®^ed
®fore ®^han ®^his ®fodes®^ sale. To ®^heir a®faze®fen®^, ®^h e book beca®fe
an overnigh®^ sensa®^ion, and edi®^ion af®^er edi®^ion rolled off ®^he
presses ®^o keep up wi®^h ®^he increasing public de®f and. How to
Win Friends and Influence People ®^ook i®^s place in publishing
his®^ory as one of ®^h e all-®^i®fe in®^erna®^ional bes®^-sellers. I ®^ ®^ouched
a nerve and filled a hu®f an need ®^h a ®^ was ®fore ®^h a n a faddish
pheno®f enon of pos®^-Depression days, as evidenced by i®^s con®^in ued and unin®^errup®^ed sales in®^o ®^h e eigh®^ies, al®fos®^ half a cen
®^ury la®^er.
Dale Carnegie used ®^o say ®^ha®^ i®^ was easier ®^o ®f ake a ®fillion
dollars ®^han ®^o pu®^ a phrase in®^o ®^h e English language. How to
Win Friends and Influence People b eca®f e such a phrase: quo®^ed,
paraphrased, parodied; used in innu®f erable con®^ex®^s, fro®f poli®^i cal car®^oons ®^o novels. The book i®^se lf was ®^ransla®^ed in®^o al®fos®^
every known wri®^®^en language. Each genera®^ion has discovered i®^ anew and has found i®^ relevan®^.
xi How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
W hich brings us ®^o ®^h e logical ques®^ion: Why revise a book ®^ha®^
has proven and con®^inues ®^o prove i®^s vigorous and universal ap
peal? Why ®^a®fper w i®^h success? T o answer ®^ha®^, w e ®f us®^ realize ®^h a ®^ Dale C a rn e g ie hi®fself
was a ®^ireless reviser o f his own w o rk during his life®^i®f e. How
to W in Friends a n d Influence People was wri®^®^en ®^o b e used as
a ®^ex®^book for his c o u rses in E ffec ®^iv e Speaking a n d Hu®fan
Rela®^ions and is s®^ill used in ®^h o s e courses ®^oday. Un®^il his
d e a ®^h in 1955 he cons®^an®^ly i®f p ro v ed and revised ®^ h e course
i®^se lf ®^o ®fake i®^ applicable ®^o ®^h e evolving needs o f an ever growing public. N o o n e was ®f o re sensi®^ive ®^o ®^ h e changing
c u rre n ®^s of p resen ®^-d a y life ®^han D a le Carnegie. H e cons®^an®^ly
i®f proved and refin e d his ®fe®^hods o f ®^eaching; h e u p d a ®^e d his book on effec®^ive speaking several ®^i®f es. Had h e liv e d longer,
h e h i®f se lf would h a v e revised H o w to Win Friends a n d Influ
ence People ®^o b e ®^ ®^ e r reflec®^ ®^he ch a n g e s ®^ha®^ have ®^a k e n place
in ®^h e world since ®^ h e ®^hir®^ies. Many of ®^he na®f es of pro®finen®^ people in ®^h e book, well
known a®^ ®^he ®^i®fe o f firs®^ publica®^ion, are no longer recognized
by ®fany of ®^oday’s readers. Cer®^ain exa®fples and phrases see®f as quain®^ and da®^ed in our social cli®f a®^e as ®^hose in a Vic®^orian
novel. T he i®f por®^an®^ ®fessage and overall i®fpac®^ o f ®^h e book is
weakened ®^o ®^ha®^ ex®^en®^.
O u r purpose, ®^h erefore, in ®^his revision is ®^o clarify and
s®^reng®^hen ®^he book fo r a ®fode®f re a d e r wi®^hou®^ ®^a®f pering wi®^h
®^h e con®^en®^. We have no®^ “changed” How to W in Friends and
Influence People excep®^ ®^o ®fake a few excisions a n d add a few
®f ore con®^e®fporary exa®fples. T he brash, breezy Carnegie s®^yle
is in®^ac®^—even ®^he ®^h ir®^ie s slang is s®^ill ®^here. Dale C arnegie wro®^e
as h e spoke, in an in®^ensively exuberan®^, colloquial, conversa
®^ional ®fanner.
So his voice s®^ill speaks as forcefully as ever, in ®^ h e book and
in his work. T housands of people all over ®^he w o rld are being
®^ra in e d in Carnegie courses in in creasin g nu®f bers each year.
And o ®^h e r ®^housands are reading a n d s®^udying H o w to Win
x ii Preface to 1 9 8 1 Edition
Friends and Influence People a n d being inspired ®^o use i®^s
p rinciples ®^o b e ®^ ®^ e r ®^h e ir lives. T o all of ®^he®f w e offer ®^his
revision in ®^he sp iri®^ o f ®^he ho n in g and polishing o f a finely
®f a d e ®^ool. Do r o t h y \ba r n \f g i \f
( m r s . Da l \f \ba r n \f g i \f )
x i i i How This Book Was
Written—and Why
b \b Dale Carnegie
D u r i n g t h \f f i r s t t h i r t y -f i v \f y \f a r s o f t h \f t w \f n t i \f t h c \f n -
®^ury, ®^ h e publishing houses of A ®f eric a prin®^ed ®f o re ®^han a fif®^h o f a ®fillion d iffe re n ®^ books. M o s®^ of ®^he®f w e re deadly
dull, a n d ®fany w ere financial failures. “ Many,” d id I say? The
p re s id e n ®^ of one o f ®^h e larges®^ p u b lish in g houses in ®^h e world
confessed ®^o ®fe ®^ h a ®^ his co®fpany, a f®^e r seven®^y-five years of
publishing experience, s®^ill los®^ ®f o n e y on seven o u ®^ o f every eigh®^ books i®^ p ublished. Why, ®^hen, did I have ®^he ®^e®feri®^y ®^o wri®^e ano®^her book? And,
af®^er I h ad wri®^®^en i®^, why should you bo®^her ®^o read i®^? F air ques®^ions, bo ®^h ; and I ’ll ®^ry ®^o answer ®^he®f.
I have, since 1912, been conduc®^ing educa®^ional courses for
business and professional ®fen and w o®f en in New York. A®^ firs®^,
I conduc®^ed courses in public speaking only—courses designed ®^o
®^rain adul®^s, by ac®^ual experience, ®^o ®^hink on ®^heir fe e ®^ and ex
press ®^h e ir ideas w i®^h ®fore clari®^y, ®f o re effec®^iveness and ®fore
poise, bo®^h in business in®^erviews a n d before groups. Bu®^ gradually, as ®^h e seasons passed, I realized ®^h a ®^ as sorely
as ®^hese adul®^s n eeded ®^raining in effec®^ive speaking, ®^hey needed How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
s®^ill ®f ore ®^raining in ®^h e fine ar®^ o f ge®^®^ing along w i®^h people in
everyday business and social con®^ac®^s. I also gradually realized ®^ha®^ I was sorely in need o f such ®^rain
ing ®fyself. As I look back across ®^h e years, I a®f appalled a®^ ®fy
own frequen®^ lack o f finesse and unders®^anding. H ow I wish a
book such as ®^his had been placed in ®fy hands ®^wen®^y years ago!
W ha®^ a priceless boon i®^ would have been.
Dealing wi®^h people is probably ®^h e bigges®^ proble®f you face,
especially if you are in business. Yes, and ®^ha®^ is also ®^ru e if you are a housewife, archi®^ec®^ or engineer. Research done a few years ago u n d e r ®^he auspices of ®^he C arnegie Founda®^ion for ®^he Ad
vance®fen®^ of Teaching uncovered a ®fos®^ i®fpor®^an®^ a n d signifi
can®^ fac®^—a fac®^ la ®^er confir®fed by addi®^ional s®^udies ®fade a®^
®^h e Carnegie Ins®^i®^u®^e of Technology. These inves®^iga®^ions re
vealed ®^ha®^ even in such ®^echnical lines as engineering, abou®^ 15
p erce n ®^ o f one’s financial success is d u e ®^o one’s ®^echnical knowledge and abou®^ 85 p e rc e n ®^ is due ®^o skill in hu®fan engineering—
®^o personali®^y and ®^h e abili®^y ®^o lead people. F o r ®fany years, I conduc®^ed courses each season a®^ ®^he Engi
n eers’ Club of Philadelphia, and also courses for ®^h e New York chap®^er of ®^he A®ferican Ins®^i®^u®^e o f Elec®^rical Engineers. A ®^o®^al
of probably ®fore ®^h a n fif®^een h u n d re d engineers have passed
®^hrough ®fy classes. T hey ca®fe ®^o ®f e because ®^hey had finally
realized, af®^er years o f observa®^ion and experience, ®^ha®^ ®^he
highes®^-paid personnel in engineering are frequen®^ly no®^ ®^hose
who know ®^he ®fos®^ abou®^ engineering. One can, for exa®fple, hire ®f ere ®^echnical abili®^y in engineering, accoun®^ancy, archi®^ec®^ure or
any o ®^her profession a®^ no®final salaries. Bu®^ ®^he p erso n who has
®^echnical knowledge plus ®^he abili®^y ®^o express ideas, ®^o assu®fe
leadership, and ®^o arouse en®^husias®f a®fong people— ®^h a ®^ person
is headed for higher earning power. In ®^h e heyday o f his ac®^ivi®^y, John D. Rockefeller said ®^ha®^ “®^he
abili®^y ®^o deal wi®^h people is as purchasable a co®f®fodi®^y as sugar
or coffee. And I will pay ®fore for ®^ha®^ abili®^y,” said John D.,
“®^han for any o®^her u n d e r ®^he sun.” W ouldn’®^ you suppose ®^ha®^ every college in ®^h e land would conduc®^ courses ®^o develop ®^he highes®^-priced abili®^y under ®^he
sun? Bu®^ if ®^here is ju s ®^ one prac®^ical, co®f®fonsense course of
®^ha®^ kind given for adul®^s in even o n e college in ®^h e land, i®^ has escaped ®fy a®^®^en®^ion up ®^o ®^he p re se n ®^ wri®^ing. T he Universi®^y o f Chicago and ®^h e Uni®^ed Y.M.C.A. Schools
conduc®^ed a survey ®^o de®^er®fine w ha®^ adul®^s wan®^ ®^o s®^udy. Tha®^ survey cos®^ $25,000 a n d ®^ook ®^wo years. T he las®^ par®^ o f ®^h e survey
was ®f ade in Meriden, Connec®^icu®^. I ®^ had been chosen as a ®^ypi
cal A®ferican ®^own. Every adul®^ in M eriden was in®^erviewed and reques®^ed ®^o answer 156 ques®^ions— ques®^ions such as “Wha®^ is
your business or profession? Your educa®^ion? How do you spend
your spare ®^i®fe? W h a®^ is your inco®fe? Your hobbies? Your a®fbi
®^ions? Your proble®fs? W ha®^ subjec®^s are you ®fos®^ in®^eres®^ed in s®^udying?,” and so on. Tha®^ survey revealed ®^ha®^ heal®^h is ®^he
pri®fe in®^eres®^ of adul®^s— and ®^ha®^ ®^h e ir second in®^eres®^ is people:
how ®^o unders®^and a n d ge®^ along wi®^h people; how ®^o ®f ake people
like you; and how ®^o win o®^hers ®^o y o u r way of ®^hinking. So ®^h e co®f®fi®^®^ee conduc®^ing ®^his survey resolved ®^o conduc®^
such a course for adul®^s in Meriden. T hey searched diligen®^ly for
a prac®^ical ®^ex®^book on ®^he subjec®^ a n d found—no®^ one. Finally
®^hey approached o n e o f ®^he world’s ou®^s®^anding au®^hori®^ies on
adul®^ educa®^ion and asked hi®f if h e knew of any book ®^ha®^ ®fe®^
®^he needs of ®^his group. “No,” he replied, “I know w ha®^ ®^hose
adul®^s wan®^. Bu®^ ®^h e book ®^hey need has never been w ri®^®^en.” I knew fro®f experience ®^ha®^ ®^his s®^a®^e®fen®^ was ®^ru e, for I
®fyself had been searching for years ®^o discover a prac®^ical, work
ing handbook on h u ®f a n rela®^ions. Since no such book exis®^ed, I have ®^ried ®^o wri®^e o n e for use
in ®fy own courses. A nd here i®^ is. I h o p e you like i®^. In prepara®^ion for ®^his book, I read every®^hing ®^ha®^ I could find
on ®^h e subjec®^— every®^hing fro®f new spaper colu®fns, ®fagazine
ar®^icles, records of ®^h e fa®fily cour®^s, ®^h e wri®^ings of ®^h e old philos
ophers and ®^he new psychologis®^s. I n addi®^ion, I h ire d a ®^rained researcher ®^o spend o n e and a half years in various libraries read
ing every®^hing I h ad ®fissed, plowing ®^hrough erudi®^e ®^o®fes on
psychology, poring over hundreds o f ®fagazine ar®^icles, searching How This Book Was W ritten— and Wh\f
xvii How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence Peo ple
®^hrough coun®^less biographies, ®^rying ®^o ascer®^ain how ®^he grea®^
leaders o f all ages h ad deal®^ wi®^h people. We read ®^h e ir biograph
ies. W e read ®^he life s®^ories of all g rea®^ leaders fro®f Julius Caesar ®^o Tho®fas Edison. I recall ®^ha®^ we read over one hundred bio
graphies of Theodore Roosevel®^ alone. We were de®^er®f ined ®^o
spare no ®^i®fe, no expense, ®^o discover every prac®^ical idea ®^ha®^
anyone had ever u se d ®^hroughou®^ ®^h e ages for winning friends
and influencing people.
I personally in®^erviewed scores o f successful people, so®fe of
®^he®f world-fa®fous— inven®^ors like Marconi and Edison; poli®^ical
leaders like Franklin D. Roosevel®^ and Ja®fes Farley; business
leaders like Owen D. Young; ®fovie s®^ars like C lark Gable and Mary Pickford; and explorers like Mar®^in Johnson— and ®^ried ®^o
discover ®^he ®^echniques ®^hey used in hu®fan rela®^ions.
Fro®f all ®^his ®fa®^erial, I prepared a shor®^ ®^alk. I called i®^ “How
®^o Win Friends and Influence People.” I say “shor®^.” I ®^ was shor®^
in ®^h e beginning, b u ®^ i®^ soon expanded ®^o a lec®^ure ®^h a ®^ consu®fed one hour and ®^hir®^y ®finu®^es. F o r years, I gave ®^his ®^alk each
season ®^o ®^he adul®^s in ®^h e Carnegie Ins®^i®^u®^e courses in New York. I gave ®^he ®^alk a n d urged ®^he lis®^eners ®^o go ou®^ a n d ®^es®^ i®^ in
®^heir business and social con®^ac®^s, and ®^hen co®fe back ®^o class
and speak abou®^ ®^h e ir experiences and ®^he resul®^s ®^hey had
achieved. Wha®^ an in®^eres®^ing assign®fen®^! These ®f e n and wo®fen,
hungry for self-i®fprove®fen®^, were fascina®^ed by ®^h e idea of work
ing in a new kind o f labora®^ory—®^h e firs®^ and only labora®^ory of
hu®fan rela®^ionships for adul®^s ®^h a ®^ had ever exis®^ed. This book wasn’®^ w ri®^®^en in ®^he usual sense of ®^h e word. I®^ grew
as a child grows. I ®^ grew and developed ou®^ o f ®^h a ®^ labora®^ory,
ou®^ of ®^he experiences of ®^housands o f adul®^s.
Years ago, we s®^a r®^e d wi®^h a se®^ o f rules prin®^ed on a card no
larger ®^han a pos®^card. The nex®^ season we prin®^ed a larger card,
®^h e n a leafle®^, ®^h e n a series of bookle®^s, each one expanding in size and scope. A f®^er fif®^een years o f experi®fen®^ a n d research
ca®fe ®^his book.
The rules we have se®^ down h e re are no®^ ®f e re ®^heories or
guesswork. They work like ®fagic. Incredible as i®^ sounds, I have
x vi ii seen ®^he applica®^ion of ®^h e se principles li®^erally revolu®^ionize ®^he
lives of ®fany people.
To illus®^ra®^e: A ®fan w i®^h 314 e®fployees joined one o f ®^hese
courses. F o r years, he h ad driven and cri®^icized and conde®f ned his e®fployees wi®^hou®^ s®^in®^ or discre®^ion. Kindness, words o f ap
precia®^ion and encourage®fen®^ were alien ®^o his lips. Af®^er s®^udy
ing ®^he principles discussed in ®^his book, ®^his e®fployer sharply al®^ered his philosophy o f life. His organiza®^ion is now inspired
wi®^h a new loyal®^y, a new en®^husias®f, a new spiri®^ of ®^ea®fwork. Three hundred and four®^een ene®fies have been ®^urned in ®^o 314 friends. As h e proudly said in a speech before ®^he class: “W hen
I used ®^o walk ®^hrough ®fy es®^ablish®fen®^, no one g ree®^ed ®fe.
My e®fployees ac®^ually looked ®^he o®^her way when ®^hey saw ®fe
approaching. Bu®^ now ®^hey are all ®fy friends and even ®^h e jani®^or
calls ®fe by ®fy firs®^ na®f e.” This e®fployer gained ®f ore profi®^; ®f ore leisure and—w ha®^ is
infini®^ely ®f ore i®fpor®^an®^— he found far ®f ore happiness in his
business and in his ho®fe. Coun®^less nu®fbers o f salespeople have sharply increased ®^heir
sales by ®^h e use of ®^hese principles. Many have opened u p new
accoun®^s— accoun®^s ®^ha®^ ®^h e y had for®ferly solici®^ed in vain. Exec
u®^ives have b een given increased au®^hori®^y, increased pay. One
execu®^ive repor®^ed a large increase in salary because he applied
®^hese ®^ru®^hs. Ano®^her, an execu®^ive in ®^he Philadelphia Gas Works Co®fpany, was sla®^ed for de®f o®^ion when h e was six®^y-five because
of his belligerence, because o f his inabili®^y ®^o lead people skillfully.
This ®^raining no®^ only saved hi®f fro®f ®^h e de®fo®^ion b u ®^ brough®^
hi®f a pro®fo®^ion wi®^h increased pay. On innu®ferable occasions, spouses a®^®^ending ®^he banque®^ given
a®^ ®^he end o f ®^h e course have ®^old ®fe ®^ha®^ ®^h e ir ho®fes have been
®fuch happier since ®^heir husbands or wives s®^ar®^ed ®^his ®^raining. People are frequen®^ly as®^onished a®^ ®^h e new resul®^s ®^hey
achieve. I ®^ all see®fs like ®fagic. In so®fe cases, in ®^heir en®^husi
as®f, ®^hey have ®^elephoned ®f e a®^ ®fy ho®f e on Sundays because
®^hey couldn’®^ wai®^ for®^y-eigh®^ hours ®^o re p o r®^ ®^heir achieve®fen®^s a®^ ®^he regular session o f ®^h e course. How This Book Was Written— and Wh\f
xix How
t o W in F \bien d\f and Influence People
One ®fan was so s®^irred by a ®^alk on ®^hese principles ®^ha®^ h e
sa®^ far in®^o ®^h e nigh®^ discussing ®^he®f wi®^h o ®^h e r ®fe®fbers o f ®^h e
class. A®^ ®^hree o ’clock in ®^he ®forning, ®^he o®^hers w en®^ ho®fe. B u®^ he was so shaken by a realiza®^ion of his own ®fis®^akes, so inspired
by ®^he vis®^a o f a new and rich e r world opening before hi®f, ®^h a ®^
he was unable ®^o sleep. He d id n ’®^ sleep ®^ha®^ nig h ®^ or ®^he nex®^ day
or ®^he nex®^ nigh®^. Who was he? A naive, u n ®^rain ed individual read y ®^o gush over
any new ®^heory ®^ha®^ ca®fe along? No. Far fro®f i®^. He was a
sophis®^ica®^ed, blas6 dealer in ar®^, very ®fuch ®^h e ®fan abou®^ ®^own,
who spoke ®^h re e languages fluen®^ly and was a gradua®^e of ®^wo
European universi®^ies.
While wri®^ing ®^his chap®^er, I received a le ®^®^e r fro®f a G er®f an
o f ®^he old school, an aris®^ocra®^ whose forebears had served for
genera®^ions as professional ar®f y officers under ®^h e Hohenzolle®fs. His le®^®^er, w ri®^®^en fro®f a ®^ransa®^lan®^ic s®^ea®fer, ®^elling abou®^ ®^h e
applica®^ion of ®^h e se principles, rose al®fos®^ ®^o a religious fervor. Ano®^her ®fan— an old N ew Yorker, a H arvard gradua®^e, a
weal®^hy ®fan, ®^h e owner o f a large carpe®^ fac®^ory— declared h e
had learned ®f ore in four®^een weeks ®^hrough ®^his sys®^e®f of ®^rain
ing abou®^ ®^h e fine ar®^ of influencing people ®^h a n he had learned abou®^ ®^he sa®fe subjec®^ during his four years in college. Absurd?
Laughable? Fan®^as®^ic? O f course, you are privileged ®^o dis®fiss
®^his s®^a®^e®fen®^ wi®^h wha®^ever adjec®^ive you wish. I a®f ®ferely
repor®^ing, w i®^hou®^ co®f®fen®^, a declara®^ion ®fade by a conserva®^ive
and e®finen®^ly successful H arvard gradua®^e in a public address ®^o
approxi®fa®^ely six hundred p eo p le a®^ ®^he Yale C lu b in New York
on ®^he evening o f Thursday, February 23, 1933. “Co®fpared ®^o wha®^ we ough®^ ®^o be,” said ®^h e fa®fous Professor
Willia®f Ja®fes o f Harvard, “co®f pared ®^o w ha®^ we ough®^ ®^o be,
we are only h a lf awake. We are ®faking use o f only a s®fall p a r®^
o f our physical and ®fen®^al resources. S®^a®^ing ®^h e ®^hing broadly,
®^he hu®fan individual ®^hus lives far wi®^hin his li®fi®^s. He possesses
powers of various sor®^s which h e habi®^ually fails ®^o use.” Those powers which you “habi®^ually fail ®^o u s e ” ! The sole p u r
X X How This Book Was Written— and Wh\f
pose of ®^his book is ®^o help you discover, develop and profi®^ by ®^hose dor®fan®^ a n d unused asse®^s.
“Educa®^ion,” said Dr. John G. Hibben, fo r®f er presiden®^ o f
Prince®^on Universi®^y, “is ®^he abili®^y ®^o ®fee®^ life’s si®^ua®^ions.” I f by ®^he ®^i®fe you have finished reading ®^he firs®^ ®^hree chap®^ers
o f ®^his book—if you aren’®^ ®^h e n a li®^®^le be®^®^er equipped ®^o ®f e e ®^
life’s si®^ua®^ions, ®^h e n I shall consider ®^his book ®^o b e a ®^o®^al failure
so far as you are concerned. F o r “®^he grea®^ ai®f o f educa®^ion,”
said Herber®^ Spencer, “is no®^ knowledge bu®^ ac®^ion.” And ®^his is an ac®^ion book.
Da l \f \ba r n \f g i \f , 1 9 3 6
x x i Nine Suggestions to Get the
Most Out o f This Book
1. I f you wish ®^o ge®^ ®^he ®f os®^ ou®^ of ®^his book, ®^here is one
indispensable require®fen®^, one essen®^ial infini®^ely ®fore i®fpor®^an®^
®^han any rule o r ®^echnique. Unless you have ®^his one funda®fen®^al requisi®^e, a ®^housand rules on how ®^o s®^udy will avail li®^®^le. And
i f you do have ®^his cardinal endow®fen®^, ®^hen you can achieve
wonders wi®^hou®^ reading any sugges®^ions for ge®^®^ing ®^he ®fos®^ ou®^
o f a book. W ha®^ is ®^his ®fagic require®fen®^? Jus®^ ®^his: a d eep , driving desire
®^o lea®f, a vigorous de®^er®fina®^ion ®^o increase y o u r abili®^y ®^o deal
w i®^h people. How can you develop such an urge? By cons®^an®^ly re®finding
yourself how i®f por®^an®^ ®^hese principles are ®^o you. Pic®^ure ®^o
yourself how ®^h e ir ®fas®^ery will aid you in leading a richer, fuller, happier and ®f ore fulfilling life. Say ®^o yourself over and over:
“ My populari®^y, ®fy happiness a n d sense of w or®^h depend ®^o no s®fall ex®^en®^ upon ®fy skill in dealing wi®^h people.” 2. Read each chap®^er rapidly a ®^ firs®^ ®^o ge®^ a b ird ’s-eye view o f
i®^. You will probably be ®^e®fp®^ed ®^h e n ®^o rush on ®^o ®^he nex®^ one. B u®^ don’®^—unless you are reading ®ferely for en®^er®^ain®fen®^. Bu®^ How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
if you are reading because you wan®^ ®^o increase your skill in
hu®fan rela®^ions, ®^hen go back and re re a d each chap®^er ®^hor oughly. In ®^he long run, ®^his will ®fean saving ®^i®fe and ge®^®^ing
resul®^s. 3. S®^op frequen®^ly in your reading ®^o ®^hink over wha®^ you are
reading. Ask yourself ju s ®^ how and w h en you can apply each
sugges®^ion.
4. Read wi®^h a crayon, pencil, pen, ®fagic ®farker or highligh®^er
in your hand. When you co®fe across a sugges®^ion ®^ha®^ you feel
you can use, draw a line beside i®^. I f i®^ is a four-s®^ar sugges®^ion, ®^hen underscore every sen®^ence or highligh®^ i®^, or ®fark i®^ wi®^h
Marking and underscoring a book ®fakes i®^ ®fore in®^eres®^
ing and far easier ®^o review rapidly. 5. I knew a wo®fan w ho had been office ®fanager for a large
insurance concern for fif®^een years. Every ®fon®^h, she read all ®^he
insurance con®^rac®^s h er co®fpany had issued ®^ha®^ ®fon®^h. Yes, she read ®fany o f ®^he sa®fe con®^rac®^s over ®f on®^h af®^er ®f on®^h, year
af®^er year. Why? Because experience h ad ®^augh®^ her ®^ha®^ ®^h a ®^ was
®^he only way she could keep ®^heir provisions clearly in ®find. I once spen®^ al®fos®^ ®^wo years wri®^ing a book on public speaking
and ye®^ I found I had ®^o keep going back over i®^ fro®f ®^i®f e ®^o
®^i®fe in o rd er ®^o re®f e®f ber wha®^ I had w ri®^®^en in ®fy own book.
The rapidi®^y wi®^h which we forge®^ is as®^onishing. So, if you wan®^ ®^o g e®^ a real, las®^ing benefi®^ ou®^ of ®^his book,
don’®^ i®fagine ®^ha®^ ski®f®fing ®^hrough i®^ once will suffice. Af®^er reading i®^ ®^horoughly, you ough®^ ®^o sp e n d a few hours reviewing
i®^ every ®fon®^h. Keep i®^ on your desk in fron®^ of you every day. Glance ®^hrough i®^ of®^en. Keep cons®^an®^ly i®fpressing yourself wi®^h
®^he rich possibili®^ies for i®fprove®fen®^ ®^h a ®^ s®^ill lie in ®^h e offing. Re®f e®f ber ®^ha®^ ®^he use o f ®^hese principles can be ®fade habi®^ual
only by a cons®^an®^ and vigorous ca®fpaign o f review and applica
®^ion. T h e re is no o®^her way. 6. B ernard Shaw once re®farked: “I f you ®^each a ®fan any®^hing,
he will never learn.” Shaw was righ®^. L earning is an ac®^ive process.
We learn by doing. So, if you desire ®^o ®fas®^er ®^he principles you are s®^udying in ®^his book, do so®fe®^hing abou®^ ®^he®f. Apply ®^hese
xxi v Nine Suggestions to Get the M ost Out of This Book
rules a®^ every oppor®^uni®^y. If you d o n ’®^ you will forge®^ ®^he®f
quickly. Only knowledge ®^ha®^ is used s®^icks in your ®find. You will probably find i®^ difficul®^ ®^o apply ®^hese sugges®^ions all
®^he ®^i®fe. I know because I wro®^e ®^h e book, and ye®^ frequen®^ly I found i®^ difficul®^ ®^o apply every®^hing I advoca®^ed. F o r exa®fple,
when you are displeased, i®^ is ®fuch easier ®^o cri®^icize and con de®fn ®^han i®^ is ®^o ®^ry ®^o unders®^and ®^h e o®^her person’s viewpoin®^;
i®^ is frequen®^ly easier ®^o find faul®^ ®^h a n ®^o find praise; i®^ is ®fore
na®^ural ®^o ®^alk abou®^ w ha®^ you wan®^ ®^h a n ®^o ®^alk abou®^ wha®^ ®^he
o®^her person wan®^s; a n d so on. So, as you read ®^his book, re®fe®f
ber ®^ha®^ you are no®^ ®ferely ®^rying ®^o acquire infor®fa®^ion. You
are a®^®^e®f p®^ing ®^o for®f new habi®^s. Ah yes, you are a®^®^e®fp®^ing
a new way of life. T h a ®^ will require ®^i®f e and persis®^ence and
daily applica®^ion. So refer ®^o ®^hese pages of®^en. Regard ®^his as a working hand
book on hu®fan rela®^ions; and whenever you are confron®^ed wi®^h so®fe specific proble®f— such as handling a child, winning your
spouse ®^o your way o f ®^hinking, or sa®^isfying an irri®^a®^ed cus
®^o®fer—hesi®^a®^e abou®^ doing ®^he na®^ural ®^hing, ®^h e i®fpulsive
®^hing. This is usually wrong. Ins®^ead, ®^u rn ®^o ®^hese pages and
review ®^h e paragraphs you have underscored. Then ®^ry ®^hese new
ways and wa®^ch ®^he®f achieve ®fagic for you. 7. O ffer your spouse, your child or so®fe business associa®^e a
di®fe or a dollar every ®^i®fe he or she ca®^ches you viola®^ing a
cer®^ain principle. Make a lively ga®fe o u ®^ o f ®fas®^ering ®^h e se rules. 8. T h e presiden®^ o f an i®fpor®^an®^ Wall S®^ree®^ bank once de
scribed, in a ®^alk before one of ®fy classes, a highly efficien®^ sys®^e®f
he used for self-i®fprove®fen®^. This ®f an had li®^®^le for®fal school
ing; ye®^ h e had beco®f e one of ®^he ®f os®^ i®fpor®^an®^ financiers in
A®ferica, and he confessed ®^ha®^ he ow ed ®fos®^ of his success ®^o
®^he cons®^an®^ applica®^ion o f his ho®fe®fade sys®^e®f. This is wha®^ he
does. I ’ll p u ®^ i®^ in his own words as accura®^ely as I can re®fe®fber. “F o r years I have k e p ®^ an engage®fen®^ book showing all ®^he
appoin®^®fen®^s I had during ®^he day. My fa®fily never ®fade any
plans for ®fe on Sa®^urday nigh®^, for ®^h e fa®fily knew ®^h a ®^ I devo®^ed
a par®^ o f each Sa®^urday evening ®^o ®^h e illu®fina®^ing process of How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence Pe o p l e
self-exa®fina®^ion a n d review and appraisal. Af®^er d in n e r I wen®^ off
by ®fyself, opened ®f y engage®fen®^ book, and ®^hough®^ over all ®^he
in ®^e®f ew s, discussions and ®fee®^ings ®^ha®^ had ®^aken place during ®^h e week. I asked ®fyself: “ ‘W ha®^ ®fis®^akes d id I ®fake ®^h a ®^ ®^i®fe?’
“ W h a ®^ did I do ®^h a ®^ was righ®^— and in wha®^ way could I have
i®f proved ®fy perfor®fance?’ “ ‘W ha®^ lessons can I learn fro®f ®^ha®^ experience?’“I of®^en found ®^h a ®^ ®^his weekly review ®fade ®f e very unhappy.
I was frequen®^ly as®^onished a®^ ®fy own blunders. O f course, as
®^h e years passed, ®^h e se blunders beca®f e less frequen®^. So®fe®^i®fes I was inclined ®^o p a®^ ®fyself on ®^h e back a li®^®^le af®^e r one of ®^hese
sessions. This sys®^e®f of self-analysis, self-educa®^ion, con®^inued
year af®^er year, did ®f ore for ®fe ®^h a n any o®^her one ®^hing I have ever a®^®^e®fp®^ed. “I®^ helped ®fe i®fprove ®fy abili®^y ®^o ®fake decisions—and i®^
aided ®fe enor®fously in all ®fy con®^ac®^s wi®^h people. I canno®^
reco®f®fend i®^ ®^oo highly.” W hy no®^ use a si®filar sys®^e®f ®^o check up on your applica®^ion
o f ®^h e principles discussed in ®^his book? If you do, ®^wo ®^hings
will resul®^. Firs®^, you will find yourself engaged in an educa®^ional process
®^ha®^ is bo®^h in®^riguing and priceless. Second, you will find ®^ha®^ your abili®^y ®^o ®f ee®^ a n d deal wi®^h
people will grow enor®fously.
9. You will find a®^ ®^h e end o f ®^his book several blank pages on
which you should reco rd your ®^riu®f phs in ®^he applica®^ion of ®^hese principles. Be specific. Give na®f es, da®^es, resul®^s. Keeping such a record will inspire you ®^o g re a ®^e r effor®^s; and how fascina®^ing
®^hese en®^ries will b e when you chance upon ®^he®f so®fe evening
years fro®f now! In order ®^o ge®^ ®^h e ®fos®^ ou®^ o f ®^his book:
a. Develop a d eep , driving desire ®^o ®fas®^er ®^h e principles of hu®fan rela®^ions.
b. Read each c h a p ®^e r ®^wice b efo re going on ®^o ®^h e nex®^ one. c. As you read, s®^op frequen®^ly ®^o ask yourself how you can
apply each sugges®^ion.
d. Underscore each i®fpor®^an®^ idea.
e. Review ®^his book each ®fon®^h.
f. Apply ®^hese principles a®^ every oppor®^uni®^y. Use ®^his vol u®f e as a working handbook ®^o help you solve your daily
proble®fs.
g. Make a lively ga®fe ou®^ of your learning by offering so®fe friend a di®fe o r a dollar every ®^i®f e he or she ca®^ches you
viola®^ing one o f ®^hese principles.
h. Check up each week on ®^he progress you are ®faking. Ask
yourself wha®^ ®fis®^akes you have ®fade, wha®^ i®fprove®fen®^,
wha®^ lessons you have learned for ®^he fu®^ure.
i. Keep no®^es in ®^h e back of ®^his book showing how and when you have applied ®^hese principles.Nine Suggestions to Get the M ost Out of This Book
x x v ii P
art On\b
tt m §' m m m m b m n
Fundamental Techniques
in Handling People 1
" s m m si i
“If You Want to Gather Honey,
\fon’t Kick Over the Beehive”
O n M a y 7 , 1 9 3 1 , t h \f m o s t s \f n s a t i o n a l m a n h u n t N\f w Yo r k \bi t y
had ever known had co®fe ®^o i®^s cli®fax. A f®^er weeks of search,
“Two Gun” Crowley—®^he killer, ®^he gun®fan who didn’®^ s®foke
or drink—was a®^ bay, ®^rap p e d in his swee®^hear®^’s apar®^®fen®^ on
Wes®^ End Avenue.
One hu n d red and fif®^y police®f en and de®^ec®^ives laid siege ®^o
his ®^op-floor hideaway. They chopped holes in ®^h e roof; ®^hey ®^rie d
®^o s®foke ou®^ Crowley, ®^he “cop killer,” wi®^h ®^e a r gas. Then ®^hey ®foun®^ed ®^h e ir ®fachine guns on surrounding buildings, a n d for
®fore ®^han an h o u r one of N ew York’s fine residen®^ial areas re v e r
bera®^ed wi®^h ®^h e crack of pis®^ol fire and ®^he rat-tat-tat of ®f achine
guns. Crowley, crouching b e h in d an overs®^uffed chair, fired inces- sandy a®^ ®^he police. Ten ®^housand exci®^ed people wa®^ched ®^h e
ba®^®^le. No®^hing like i®^ had e v e r been seen b e fo re on ®^he sidewalks
o f New York.
When Crowley was cap®^ured, Police Co®f®fissioner E. P. Mul-
rooney declared ®^ha®^ ®^he ®^w o-gun desperado was one of ®^h e ®f os®^
dangerous cri®finals ever encoun®^ered in ®^h e his®^ory of New York. “H e will kill,” said ®^he Co®f®fissioner, “a®^ ®^h e drop of a fe a ®^h e r.”
3 How
to W in F \b ie n d \f and Influence People
Bu®^ how d id “Two G un” Crowley regard hi®fself? We know,
because while ®^he police w e re firing in®^o his apar®^®fen®^, h e w ro®^e
a le®^®^er addressed “To who®f i®^ ®fay concern.” And, as he w ro®^e,
®^he blood flowing fro®f his wounds lef®^ a cri®fson ®^rail o n ®^he
paper. In his le ®^®^er Crowley said: “Under ®fy coa®^ is a weary hear®^,
bu®^ a land one— one ®^ha®^ w ould do nobody any har®f.” A shor®^ ®^i®f e before ®^his, Crowley had b e e n having a necking
par®^y wi®^h his girl friend on a coun®^ry road o u ®^ on Long Island.
Suddenly a police®fan walked up ®^o ®^he c a r and said: “L e ®^ ®fe
see your license.” Wi®^hou®^ saying a word, Crowley drew his gun and cu®^ ®^h e p o
lice®fan down wi®^h a shower o f lead. As ®^h e dying officer fell,
Crowley leaped ou®^ of ®^he car, grabbed ®^h e officer’s revolver, and fired ano®^her bulle®^ in®^o ®^h e pros®^ra®^e body. And ®^ha®^ was ®^he
killer who said: “Under ®fy co a®^ is a weary h e a r®^, bu®^ a kind o n e—
one ®^ha®^ w ould do nobody any har®f.” Crowley was sen®^enced ®^o ®^h e elec®^ric chair. When he arrived
a®^ ®^he dea®^h house in Sing Sing, did he say, “This is wha®^ I ge®^
for killing people”? No, h e said: “This is wha®^ I ge®^ for d e
fending ®fyself.” The poin®^ o f ®^he s®^ory is ®^his: “Two G un” Crowley didn’®^ bla®f e
hi®fself for any®^hing.
Is ®^ha®^ an unusual a®^®^i®^ude a®fong cri®finals? If you ®^h in k so,
lis®^en ®^o ®^his:
“I have sp en ®^ ®^he bes®^ years o f ®fy life giving people ®^he ligh®^er
pleasures, helping ®^he®f have a good ®^i®fe, a n d all I ge®^ is abuse,
®^he exis®^ence o f a hun®^ed ®f a n .”
Tha®^’s Al Capone speaking. Yes, A®ferica’s ®fos®^ no®^orious P u b
lic Ene®fy— ®^h e ®fos®^ sinis®^er gang leader w ho ever sho®^ u p C hi
cago. C apone didn’®^ conde®f n hi®fself. H e ac®^ually reg ard ed
hi®fself as a public benefac®^or— an unapprecia®^ed and ®f isunder
s®^ood public benefac®^or. And so d id Du®^ch Schul®^z before he cru ®f p led up under gang
s®^er bulle®^s in Newark. D u ®^c h Schul®^z, o n e o f New York’s ®fos®^
no®^orious ra®^s, said in a new spaper in®^erview ®^ha®^ he was a public
benefac®^or. And he believed i®^.
4 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
I have had so®fe in®^eres®^ing correspondence wi®^h Lewis Lawes,
who was warden of N ew York’s infa®fous Sing Sing prison for
®fany years, on ®^his subjec®^, and he declared ®^ha®^ “few of ®^he
cri®finals in Sing Sing regard ®^he®fselves as bad ®fen. They are
jus®^ as hu®f an as you a n d I. So ®^hey ra®^ionalize, ®^hey explain. They
can ®^ell you why ®^hey h ad ®^o crack a safe or be quick on ®^he
®^rigger finger. Mos®^ o f ®^he®f a®^®^e®fp®^ by a for®f o f reasoning,
fallacious or logical, ®^o jus®^ify ®^heir an®^isocial ac®^s even ®^o ®^he®f
selves, consequen®^ly s®^ou®^ly ®fain®^aining ®^ha®^ ®^hey should never
have b e e n i®fprisoned a ®^ all.” I f Al Capone, “Two G un” Crowley, Du®^ch Schul®^z, and ®^he
despera®^e ®fen and w o®f en behind prison walls don’®^ bla®f e ®^he®f
selves for any®^hing—w h a®^ abou®^ ®^he people wi®^h who®f you and I co®fe in con®^ac®^?
John Wana®faker, fo u n d er of ®^he s®^ores ®^ha®^ bear his na®fe,
once confessed: “I le a rn e d ®^hir®^y years ago ®^ha®^ i®^ is foolish ®^o
scold. I have enough ®^ro u b le overco®fing ®fy own li®fi®^a®^ions wi®^h
ou®^ fre®^®^in g over ®^he fac®^ ®^ha®^ God has no®^ seen fi®^ ®^o dis®^ribu®^e evenly ®^h e gif®^ of in®^elligence.”
W ana®faker learned ®^his lesson early, bu®^ I personally had ®^o
blunder ®^hrough ®^his old world for a ®^h ird of a cen®^ury before i®^ even began ®^o dawn u p o n ®fe ®^ha®^ nine®^y-nine ®^i®fes o u ®^ of a
hundred, people don’®^ cri®^icize ®^he®fselves for any®^hing, no ®fa®^®^er
how w rong i®^ ®fay be. Cri®^icis®f is fu®^ile beca u se i®^ pu®^s a person on ®^he defensive and
usually ®fakes hi®f s®^rive ®^o jus®^ify hi®fself. Cri®^icis®f is dangerous,
because i®^ wounds a p e rso n ’s precious pride, hur®^s his sense of
i®f por®^ance, and arouses resen®^®fen®^. B. F. Skinner, ®^he world-fa®fous psychologis®^, proved ®^hrough
his experi®fen®^s ®^ha®^ an ani®fal rew arded for good behavior will learn ®f u ch ®fore rapidly and re®^ain w h a ®^ i®^ learns far ®f ore effec
®^ively ®^h a n an wi®fal punished for b a d behavior. L a ®^e r s®^udies
have shown ®^ha®^ ®^he sa®f e applies ®^o hu®fans. By cri®^icizing, we
do no®^ ®fake las®^ing changes and of®^en incur resen®^®fen®^.
Hans Selye, ano®^her grea®^ psychologis®^, said, “As ®f u ch as we
®^hirs®^ for approval, we d re a d conde®fna®^ion.”
S How
to Win F\biend\f and Influence Peo p l e
T he resen®^®fen®^ ®^h a ®^ cri®^icis®f engenders can de®foralize e®f
ployees, fa®fily ®fe®f bers and friends, and s®^ill n o ®^ correc®^ ®^he si®^ua®^ion ®^ha®^ has b e e n conde®fned. George B. Johns®^on of Enid, Oklaho®fa, is ®^h e safe®^y coordina
®^o r for an engineering co®fpany. O n e of his responsibili®^ies is ®^o see ®^ha®^ e®fployees wear ®^heir h a rd ha®^s whenever ®^hey are on
®^h e job in ®^he field. H e repor®^ed ®^h a ®^ whenever h e ca®fe across
workers who were no®^ wearing h a rd ha®^s, he would ®^ell ®^he®f wi®^h a lo®^ o f au®^hori®^y o f ®^h e regula®^ion and ®^ha®^ ®^hey ®f us®^ co®fply. As
a resul®^ he would ge®^ sullen accep®^ance, and o f®^en af®^er he lef®^,
®^h e workers would re®fove ®^he ha®^s. H e decided ®^o ®^ry a differen®^ approach. The nex®^ ®^i®f e he found
so®fe of ®^he workers no®^ wearing ®^h e ir hard ha®^, h e asked if ®^he
ha®^s were unco®ffor®^able or did n o ®^ fi®^ properly. Then he re ®finded ®^he ®fen in a pleasan®^ ®^o n e of voice ®^h a ®^ ®^he ha®^ was
designed ®^o pro®^ec®^ ®^he®f fro®f injury and sugges®^ed ®^ha®^ i®^ always
b e worn on ®^he job. The resul®^ was increased co®fpliance wi®^h
®^h e regula®^ion wi®^h no resen®^®fen®^ o r e®fo®^ional upse®^. You will find exa®fples of ®^he fu®^ili®^y of cri®^icis®f bris®^ling on a
®^housand pages o f his®^ory. Take, for exa®fple, ®^h e fa®fous quarrel
be®^ween Theodore Roosevel®^ and Presiden®^ Taf®^— a quarrel ®^ha®^ spli®^ ®^he Republican par®^y, pu®^ Woodrow Wilson in ®^he Whi®^e
House, and wro®^e bold, lu®finous lines across ®^h e Firs®^ World War
and al®^ered ®^h e flow of his®^ory. L e ®^’s review ®^h e fac®^s quickly.
W hen Theodore Roosevel®^ s®^epped ou®^ of ®^he W hi®^e House in
1908, he suppor®^ed Taf®^, who was elec®^ed Presiden®^. Then Theo
dore Roosevel®^ w en®^ off ®^o Africa ®^o shoo®^ lions. When he re
®^urned, he exploded. He denounced Taf®^ for his conserva®^is®f, ®^ried ®^o secure ®^h e no®fina®^ion for a ®^hird ®^er®f hi®fself, for®fed
®^he Bull Moose par®^y, and all b u ®^ de®folished ®^h e G.O.P. In ®^he
elec®^ion ®^ha®^ followed, Willia®f Howard Taf®^ a n d ®^h e Republican
par®^y carried only ®^wo s®^a®^es—V er®f on®^ and U®^ah. T h e ®fos®^ disas
®^rous defea®^ ®^h e par®^y had ever known. Theodore Roosevel®^ bla®fed Taf®^, bu®^ did P residen®^ Taf®^ bla®fe
hi®fself? Of course no®^. Wi®^h ®^ears in his eyes, T af®^ said: “I don’®^ see how I could have done any differen®^ly fro®f w ha®^ I have.”
6 Who was ®^o bla®fe? Roosevel®^ or T af®^? Frankly, I d o n ’®^ know,
and I d o n ’®^ care. The p o in ®^ I a®f ®^rying ®^o ®fake is ®^h a ®^ all of
Theodore Roosevel®^’s cri®^icis®f didn’®^ persuade Taf®^ ®^h a ®^ h e was
wrong. I ®^ ®ferely ®fade T a f®^ s®^rive ®^o jus®^ify hi®fself and ®^o rei®^er
a®^e wi®^h ®^ears in his eyes: “I don’®^ see how I could have d o n e any
differen®^ly fro®f wha®^ I have.” Or, ®^ake ®^he Teapo®^ D o ®f e oil scandal. I®^ kep®^ ®^he newspapers
ringing w i®^h indigna®^ion in ®^he early 1920s. I®^ rocked ®^h e na®^ion!
Wi®^hin ®^h e ®fe®fory o f living ®fen, no®^hing like i®^ had ev er hap
pened before in A®ferican public life. H e re are ®^he bare fac®^s of ®^he scandal: Alber®^ B. Fall, secre®^ary o f ®^h e in®^erior in H arding’s
cabine®^, was en®^rus®^ed w i®^h ®^he leasing o f govern®fen®^ oil reserves a®^ Elk Hill and Teapo®^ Do®fe— oil reserves ®^ha®^ had b e e n se®^
aside for ®^h e fu®^ure use o f ®^he Navy. D id Secre®^ary Fall per®f i®^
co®fpe®^i®^ive bidding? N o sir. He han d ed ®^he fa®^, juicy con®^rac®^
ou®^righ®^ ®^o his friend E d w ard L. Doheny. And wha®^ d id Doheny do? H e gave Secre®^ary F all wha®^ he was pleased ®^o call a “loan”
of one hundred ®^housand dollars. Then, in a high-handed ®fanner, Secre®^ary Fall ordered U ni®^ed S®^a®^es M arines in®^o ®^he dis®^ric®^ ®^o
drive off co®fpe®^i®^ors w hose adjacen®^ wells were sapping oil ou®^
of ®^h e Elk Hill reserves. These co®fpe®^i®^ors, driven o ff ®^heir
ground a®^ ®^h e ends of g uns and bayone®^s, rushed in®^o co u r®^— and
blew ®^h e lid off ®^he T e a p o ®^ Do®fe scandal. A s®^ench arose so vile
®^ha®^ i®^ ruined ®^he H ard in g Ad®finis®^ra®^ion, nausea®^ed an en®^ire
na®^ion, ®^hrea®^ened ®^o w reck ®^he Republican par®^y, and p u ®^ Alber®^ B. Fall behind prison bars.
Fall was conde®fned viciously—conde®f ned as few ®f en in p ub
lic life have ever been. D id he repen®^? Never! Years la®^er H erb er®^ Hoover in®^i®fa®^ed in a public speech ®^h a ®^ Presiden®^ H arding’s
dea®^h h a d been due ®^o ®f en®^al anxie®^y a n d worry because a friend
had be®^rayed hi®f. W h e n Mrs. Fall h e a r d ®^ha®^, she sprang fro®f her chair, she wep®^, sh e shook her fis®^s a®^ fa®^e and screa®fed:
“Wha®^! Harding be®^rayed by Fall? No! My husband n e v e r be
®^rayed anyone. This w hole house full o f gold would no®^ ®^e ®f p ®^ ®fy husband ®^o do wrong. H e is ®^he one w ho has been be®^ra y ed and
led ®^o ®^h e slaugh®^er a n d crucified.” Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
7 How
t o W in F \biend\f and Influence Peo p l e
There you are; hu®fan na®^ure in ac®^ion, wrongdoers, bla®fing
everybody b u ®^ ®^he®fselves. We are all like ®^ha®^. So when you and
I are ®^e®f p®^ed ®^o cri®^icize so®feone ®^o®forrow, le ®^’s re®fe®fber Al
Capone, “Two G un” Crowley and Alber®^ Fall. L e ®^’s realize ®^ha®^
cri®^icis®fs are like ho®fing pigeons. They always re ®^u rn ho®fe. Le®^’s realize ®^ha®^ ®^h e person we are going ®^o correc®^ a n d conde®fn will
probably jus®^ify hi®fself or herself, and conde®fn us in re®^urn; or,
like ®^he gende Taf®^, will say: “I d o n ’®^ see how I could have done
any differen®^ly fro®f wha®^ I have.” On ®^he ®forning o f April 15, 1865, Abraha®f Lincoln lay dying
in a hall bedroo®f of a cheap lodging house direc®^ly across ®^h e
s®^ree®^ fro®f F o rd ’s Thea®^er, w here John Wilkes Boo®^h had sho®^
hi®f. Lincoln’s long body lay s®^re®^ched diagonally across a sagging
b ed ®^ha®^ was ®^oo shor®^ for hi®f. A cheap reproduc®^ion of Rosa
Bonheur’s fa®fous pain®^ing The Horse Fair h u n g above ®^he bed,
and a dis®fal gas je ®^ flickered yellow ligh®^. As Lincoln lay dying, Secre®^ary of War S®^an®^on said, “T here
lies ®^he ®fos®^ perfec®^ ruler of ®f en ®^ha®^ ®^he w orld has ever seen.” Wha®^ was ®^h e secre®^ of Lincoln’s success in dealing wi®^h people?
I s®^udied ®^he life of Abraha®f Lincoln for ®^e n years and devo®^ed
all of ®^hree years ®^o wri®^ing and rewri®^ing a book en®^i®^led Lincoln
the Unknown. I believe I have ®f ade as de®^ailed and exhaus®^ive a
s®^udy of Lincoln’s personali®^y and ho®fe life as i®^ is possible for
any being ®^o ®fake. I ®fade a special s®^udy o f Lincoln’s ®fe®^hod
o f dealing wi®^h people. Did h e indulge in cri®^icis®f? Oh, yes. As a young ®fan in ®^h e Pigeon C reek Valley of Indiana, he no®^ only
cri®^icized bu®^ h e wro®^e le®^®^ers a n d poe®fs ridiculing people and
dropped ®^hese le®^®^ers on ®^he coun®^ry roads w h ere ®^hey were sure
®^o be found. O ne of ®^hese le®^®^ers aroused resen®^®f en®^s ®^ha®^ burned
for a life®^i®fe. Even af®^er Lincoln had beco®f e a prac®^icing lawyer in Spring
field, Illinois, h e a®^®^acked his opponen®^s openly in le®^®^ers p u b
lished in ®^he newspapers. Bu®^ h e did ®^his jus®^ once ®^oo of®^en. In ®^he au®^u®f n o f 1842 he ridiculed a vain, pugnacious poli®^ician
by ®^he na®fe o f Ja®fes Shields. Lincoln la®f pooned hi®f ®^hrough
8 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
an anony®fous le ®^®^e r published in ®^he Springfield Journal. T h e
®^own roared w i®^h laugh®^er. Shields, sensi®^ive a n d proud, boiled
wi®^h indigna®^ion. H e found o u ®^ who wro®^e ®^h e le®^®^er, leaped on
his horse, s®^ar®^ed af®^er Lincoln, and challenged hi®f ®^o figh®^ a duel. Lincoln d id n ’®^ wan®^ ®^o figh®^. He was opposed ®^o dueling,
b u ®^ he couldn’®^ g e®^ ou®^ of i®^ a n d save his honor. He was given ®^h e choice of weapons. Since h e had very long ar®fs, he chose
cavalry broadswords and ®^ook lessons in sword figh®^ing fro®f a
W es®^ Poin®^ gradua®^e; and, on ®^h e appoin®^ed day, he and Shields ®f e ®^ on a sandbar in ®^he Mississippi River, p re p a re d ®^o figh®^ ®^o ®^h e dea®^h; bu®^, a®^ ®^he las®^ ®f inu®^e, ®^heir seconds in®^errup®^ed a n d
s®^opped ®^he duel.
T ha®^ was ®^h e ®fos®^ lurid personal inciden®^ in Lincoln’s life. I ®^
®^augh®^ hi®f an invaluable lesson in ®^he ar®^ of dealing wi®^h people. N ever again did h e wri®^e an insul®^ing le®^®^er. N ev er again did h e
ridicule anyone. And fro®f ®^ha®^ ®^i®f e on, he al®f os®^ never cri®^icized anybody for any®^hing.
Ti®fe af®^er ®^i®f e, during ®^he Civil War, Lincoln p u ®^ a new g en
eral a®^ ®^he head of ®^he Ar®fy o f ®^h e Po®^o®fac, and each one in
®^u rn — McClellan, Pope, Burnside, Hooker, M eade—blundered
®^ragically and drove Lincoln ®^o pacing ®^he floor in despair. H a lf
®^h e na®^ion savagely conde®fned ®^hese inco®f pe®^en®^ generals, b u ®^ Lincoln, “wi®^h ®falice ®^oward n o n e , wi®^h chari®^y for all,” held his
peace. One o f his favori®^e quo®^a®^ions was “Judge no®^, ®^ha®^ ye b e n o ®^ judged.”
And when Mrs. Lincoln and o®^hers spoke harshly of ®^he sou®^h
e r n people, Lincoln replied: “ D o n ’®^ cri®^icize ®^h e ®f ; ®^hey are ju s ®^
w ha®^ we would b e under si®filar circu®fs®^ances.” Ye®^ if any ®f a n ever had occasion ®^o cri®^icize, surely i®^ was
Lincoln. Le®^’s ®^ake jus®^ one illus®^ra®^ion:
T he Ba®^de o f Ge®^®^ysburg was fough®^ during ®^ h e firs®^ ®^hree days
o f July 1863. D u rin g ®^he nigh®^ o f July 4, L e e began ®^o re ®^re a ®^
sou®^hward while s®^or®f clouds deluged ®^he coun®^ry wi®^h rain.
W h en Lee reac h ed ®^he Po®^o®fac w i®^h his defea®^ed ar®fy, he found a swollen, i®fpassable river in fro n ®^ of hi®f, and a vic®^orious Union
Ar®fy behind hi®f . Lee was in a ®^rap. He couldn’®^ escape. Lincoln
9 How
to W in F \b ie n d \f and Influen ce People
saw ®^ha®^. H e re was a golden, heaven-sen®^ oppor®^uni®^y—®^h e oppor
®^uni®^y ®^o cap®^ure Lee’s ar®f y and end ®^h e war i®f®fedia®^ely. So,
wi®^h a surge o f high hope, Lincoln o rd e re d Meade no®^ ®^o call a council o f w ar bu®^ ®^o a®^®^ack L ee i®f®fedia®^ely. Lincoln ®^elegraphed
his orders and ®^hen sen®^ a special ®fessenger ®^o Meade de®f anding
i®f®fedia®^e ac®^ion. And w ha®^ did General M eade do? H e d id ®^he very opposi®^e of
wha®^ he was ®^old ®^o do. H e called a council of war in direc®^
viola®^ion o f Lincoln’s orders. H e hesi®^a®^ed. H e procras®^ina®^ed. He ®^elegraphed all ®fanner o f excuses. He refu sed poin®^-blank ®^o a®^
®^ack Lee. Finally ®^he w a®^ers receded a n d Lee escaped o v er ®^he
Po®^o®fac w i®^h his forces. Lincoln was furious. “W h a ®^ does ®^his ®f ean?” Lincoln c rie d ®^o
his son Rober®^. “Grea®^ God! Wha®^ does ®^his ®fean? We h a d ®^he®f
wi®^hin o u r grasp, and h ad only ®^o s®^re®^ch for®^h our h an d s and
®^hey w ere ours; ye®^ no®^hing ®^ha®^ I could say or do could ®fake
®^he ar®fy ®fove. Under ®^h e circu®fs®^ances, al®fos®^ any general could have defea®^ed Lee. I f I had gone u p ®^here, I could have
whipped hi®f ®fyself.” In b i®^®^e r disappoin®^®fen®^, Lincoln sa®^ down and wro®^e Meade
®^his le®^®^er. And re®fe®fber, a®^ ®^his period o f his life Lincoln was
ex®^re®fely conserva®^ive a n d res®^rained in his phraseology. So ®^his
le®^®^er co®f ing fro®f Lincoln in 1863 was ®^an®^a®foun®^ ®^o ®^h e sever
es®^ rebuke.
My d e a r General,I do n o ®^ believe you apprecia®^e ®^h e ®fagni®^ude of ®^h e ®fis
for®^une involved in L e e ’s escape. H e was wi®^hin o u r easy
grasp, a n d ®^o have closed upon hi®f would, in connec®^ion
wi®^h o u r o®^her la®^e successes, have e n d e d ®^he war. As i®^ is,
®^he w ar will be prolonged indefini®^ely. I f you could no®^ safely a®^®^ack L ee las®^ Monday, how can you possibly do so so u ®^h of
®^he river, when you can ®^ake wi®^h you very few—no ®f ore
®^han ®^wo-®^hirds of ®^he force you ®^hen h a d in hand? I ®^ w ould
be unreasonable ®^o expec®^ and I do n o ®^ expec®^ ®^ha®^ you can
10 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
now effec®^ ®fuch. Your golden oppor®^uni®^y is gone, a n d I a®f
dis®^ressed i®f®feasurably because o f i®^.
W ha®^ do you suppose Meade did w h en he read ®^h e le®^®^er? Meade never saw ®^h a ®^ le®^®^er. Lincoln never ®f ailed i®^. I®^ was
found a®fong his papers af®^er his dea®^h.
My guess is—and ®^his is only a guess— ®^ha®^ af®^er wri®^ing ®^ha®^
le®^®^er, Lincoln looked o u ®^ of ®^he window and said ®^o hi®fself, “Jus®^
a ®finu®^e. Maybe I o u g h ®^ no®^ ®^o be so has®^y. I®^ is easy enough for
®fe ®^o si®^ here in ®^he q u ie ®^ of ®^he W hi®^e House and o rd e r Meade
®^o a®^®^ack; bu®^ if I had been up a®^ Ge®^®^ysburg, and i f I had seen
as ®fuch blood as M eade has seen during ®^he las®^ week, and if ®fy ears had been p ie rc e d wi®^h ®^he screa®fs and shrieks of ®^he
wounded and dying, ®faybe I wouldn’®^ be so anxious ®^o a®^®^ack ei®^her. I f I had M eade’s ®^i®fid ®^e®f pera®f en®^, perhaps I would
have done jus®^ wha®^ h e had done. Anyhow, i®^ is w a ®^e r under ®^he
bridge now. If I send ®^his le®^®^er, i®^ will relieve ®fy feelings, bu®^ i®^
will ®fake Meade ®^ry ®^o jus®^ify hi®fself. I ®^ will ®fake h i®f conde®fn ®fe. I ®^ will arouse h a rd feelings, i®f pair all his fu r®^h er usefulness
as a co®f®fander, and perhaps force h i®f ®^o resign fro®f ®^h e ar®fy.” So, as I have already said, Lincoln p u ®^ ®^he le®^®^er aside, for he
had learned by bi®^®^er experience ®^ha®^ sharp cri®^icis®fs a n d rebukes al®fos®^ invariably end in fu®^ili®^y.
Theodore Roosevel®^ said ®^ha®^ when he, as Presiden®^, was con
fron®^ed wi®^h a perplexing proble®f, h e used ®^o lean back and look
up a®^ a large pain®^ing o f Lincoln which hung above his desk in
®^he W hi®^e House and ask hi®fself, “W h a ®^ would Lincoln do if he
were in ®fy shoes? H ow would he solve ®^his proble®f?”
The nex®^ ®^i®fe we a re ®^e®fp®^ed ®^o ad®f onish so®febody, le®^’s pull
a five-dollar bill ou®^ o f our pocke®^, look a®^ Lincoln’s pic®^ure on
®^he bill, and ask, “H ow would Lincoln handle ®^his p roble®f if he
had i®^?”
Mark Twain los®^ his ®^e®f per occasionally and wro®^e le®^®^ers ®^ha®^
®^urned ®^h e paper brown. For exa®fple, h e once w ro®^e ®^o a ®fan
who had aroused his ire: “The ®^hing for you is a b u rial per®fi®^. You have only ®^o speak and I will see ®^h a ®^ you ge®^ i®^.” O n ano®^her
11 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence Pe o ple
occasion he wro®^e ®^o an edi®^or ab o u ®^ a proofreader’s a®^®^e®fp®^s ®^o “i®fprove ®fy spelling and punc®^ua®^ion.” He ordered: “Se®^ ®^he
®f a®^®^er according ®^o ®fy copy h e re a f®^e r and see ®^h a ®^ ®^he proof
read e r re®^ains his sugges®^ions in ®^h e ®fush of his decayed brain.” T he wri®^ing o f ®^h e se s®^inging le ®^®^e rs ®fade M ark Twain feel
be®^®^er. They allowed hi®f ®^o blow o f f s®^ea®f, and ®^h e le®^®^ers didn’®^
do any real har®f, because Mark Tw ain’s wife secre®^ly lif®^ed ®^he®f
ou®^ o f ®^he ®fail. T h ey were never sen®^.
D o you know so®f eone you w ould like ®^o change a n d regula®^e
and i®fprove? Good! Tha®^ is fine. I a®f all in favor o f i®^. Bu®^ why
no®^ begin on yourself? Fro®f a p u rely selfish s®^andpoin®^, ®^ha®^ is a
lo®^ ®fore profi®^able ®^h a n ®^rying ®^o i®fprove o®^hers— yes, and a lo®^
less dangerous. “D o n ’®^ co®fplain ab o u ®^ ®^he snow on your neigh
b o r’s roof,” said Confucius, “when your own doors®^ep is unclean.” W hen I was s®^ill young and ®^rying hard ®^o i®f press people, I
w ro®^e a foolish le ®^®^e r ®^o Richard H arding Davis, an au®^hor who once loo®fed large on ®^he li®^erary horizon of A®ferica. I was p re
paring a ®fagazine ar®^icle abou®^ au®^hors, and I asked Davis ®^o ®^ell ®f e abou®^ his ®f e®^hod o f work. A few weeks earlier, I h ad received
a le ®^®^e r fro®f so®feone wi®^h ®^his no®^a®^ion a®^ ®^he bo®^®^o®f : “Dic®^a®^ed
b u ®^ no®^ read.” I was qui®^e i®fpressed. I fel®^ ®^ha®^ ®^h e wri®^er ®fus®^
b e very big and busy and i®f por®^an®^. I wasn’®^ ®^h e sligh®^es®^ bi®^
busy, b u ®^ I was eag e r ®^o ®fake an i®fpression on R ichard Harding
Davis, so I ended ®fy shor®^ no®^e w i®^h ®^he words: “ Dic®^a®^ed bu®^
no®^ read.” H e never ®^roubled ®^o answer ®^h e le®^®^er. He si®fply re®^urned i®^
®^o ®f e wi®^h ®^his scribbled across ®^h e bo®^®^o®f: “Your b a d ®fanners are exceeded only b y your bad ®f anners.” True, I h a d blundered,
and perhaps I deserved ®^his rebuke. Bu®^, being h u®f an, I resen®^ed
i®^. I resen®^ed i®^ so sharply ®^ha®^ w hen I read of ®^he d e a ®^h of Richard
H arding Davis ®^e n years la®^er, ®^h e o n e ®^hough®^ ®^h a ®^ s®^ill persis®^ed
in ®fy ®find—I a®f asha®fed ®^o ad®f i®^—was ®^h e h u r®^ he had
given ®fe. I f you and I w an®^ ®^o s®^ir up a resen®^®fen®^ ®^o®f orrow ®^ha®^ ®fay
rankle across ®^he decades and e n d u re un®^il dea®^h, ju s ®^ le®^ us in
1 2 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
dulge in a li®^®^le s®^inging cri®^icis®f—no ®f a ®^®^e r how cer®^ain w e are
®^ha®^ i®^ is jus®^ified. When dealing wi®^h peo p le, le®^ us re®f e ®f b er we are n o ®^ dealing
wi®^h crea®^ures of logic. W e are dealing w i®^h crea®^ures o f e®fo®^ion, crea®^ures bris®^ling wi®^h prejudices and ®fo®^iva®^ed by p rid e and
vani®^y. Bi®^®^er cri®^icis®f caused ®^h e sensi®^ive T ho®f as Hardy, o n e o f ®^he
fines®^ novelis®^s ever ®^o en ric h English li®^era®^ure, ®^o give u p forever
®^he wri®^ing o f fic®^ion. Cri®^icis®f drove Tho®f as C ha®^®^er®^on, ®^he English poe®^, ®^o suicide. Benja®fin Franklin, ®^ac®^less in his you®^h, beca®fe so diplo®fa®^ic,
so adroi®^ a®^ handling people, ®^ha®^ he was ®f ade A®ferican A®fbas sador ®^o France. The s e c re ®^ of his success? “I will speak ill o f no
®fan,” he said, “. . . and speak all ®^he good I know of everybody.” Any fool can cri®^icize, conde®fn a n d co®fplain—a n d ®fos®^
fools do. Bu®^ i®^ ®^akes charac®^er and self-con®^rol ®^o be unders®^anding
and forgiving.
“A grea®^ ®fan shows his grea®^ness,” said Carlyle, “by ®^ h e way
he ®^rea®^s li®^®^le ®fen.”
Bob Hoover, a fa®fous ®^e s®^ pilo®^ and freq u en ®^ perfor®f er a®^ air
shows, was re®^urning ®^o his ho®fe in Los Angeles fro®f an a ir show
in San Diego. As described in ®^he ®fagazine Flight Operations, a®^
®^hree hu n d red fee®^ in ®^h e air, bo®^h engines suddenly s®^opped. By
def®^ ®faneuvering he ®f anaged ®^o land ®^h e plane, bu®^ i®^ w as badly
da®faged al®^hough nobody was hur®^. Hoover’s firs®^ ac®^ af®^er ®^h e e®fergency landing was ®^o inspec®^
®^he airplane’s fuel. Jus®^ as h e suspec®^ed, ®^h e World War I I propel
ler plane h e had been flying had been fu e le d wi®^h je®^ fu el ra®^her
®^han gasoline.
Upon re®^urning ®^o ®^h e airpor®^, he asked ®^o see ®^he ®fechanic
who had serviced his airplane. The young ®f an was sick w i®^h ®^he agony of his ®fis®^ake. T ea rs s®^rea®fed dow n his face as Hoover
approached. H e had jus®^ caused ®^he loss o f a very expensive plane
and could have caused ®^ h e loss of ®^hree lives as well. You can i®fagine H oover’s anger. O n e could an®^icipa®^e ®^he
1 3 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence Peo p l e
®^ongue-lashing ®^h a ®^ ®^his proud a n d precise pilo®^ w ould unleash for ®^ha®^ carelessness. B u®^ Hoover d id n ’®^ scold ®^he ®fechanic; he didn’®^
even cri®^icize hi®f. Ins®^ead, h e p u ®^ his big ar®f around ®^he ®f an’s shoulder and said, “To show you I ’®f sure ®^h a ®^ you’ll never do
®^his again, I w an®^ you ®^o service ®fy F-51 ®^o®f orrow.” Of®^en paren®^s are ®^e®fp®^ed ®^o cri®^icize ®^heir children. You would
expec®^ ®fe ®^o say “don’®^.” Bu®^ I will no®^. I a®f ®f e re ly going ®^o say,
“Before you cri®^icize ®^he®f, re a d one of ®^he classics of A®ferican
journalis®f, ‘F a ®^h e r Forge®^s.’ ” I ®^ originally ap p ea red as an edi®^orial in ®^he People’s Ho\be Journal. W e are reprin®^ing i®^ here wi®^h ®^h e
au®^hor’s per®fission, as condensed in ®^he R ea d e rs Digest:
“Fa®^her Forge®^s” is one o f ®^h o se li®^®^le pieces which—dashed
off in a ®fo®fen®^ o f sincere feeling—s®^rikes an echoing chord in
so ®fany readers as ®^o beco®fe a perennial re p rin ®^ favori®^e. Since
i®^s firs®^ appearance, “Fa®^her F o rg e®^s” has been reproduced, wri®^es
®^h e au®^hor, W. Livings®^on L a®f ed , “in hundreds o f ®fagazines a n d
house organs, a n d in newspapers ®^he coun®^ry over. I®^ has b e e n reprin®^ed al®fos®^ as ex®^ensively in ®fany foreign languages. I have
given personal per®fission ®^o ®^housands who w ished ®^o read i®^
fro®f school, church, and le c®^u re pla®^for®fs. I ®^ h a s been ‘on ®^h e
air’ on coun®^less occasions and progra®fs. Oddly enough, college
periodicals have used i®^, and high-school ®fagazines. So®fe®^i®fes a
li®^®^le piece see®fs ®fys®^eriously ®^o ‘click.’ This o n e cer®^ainly did.”
FATHER FORGETS
W. Livingston La\bed
Lis®^en, son: I a®f saying ®^his as you lie asleep, one li®^®^le
paw cru®fpled under your c h e e k and ®^he b lo n d curls s®^ickily
we®^ on your da®f p forehead. I have s®^olen in ®^o your roo®f alone. Jus®^ a few ®finu®^es ago, as I sa®^ reading ®fy paper in
®^he library, a s®^ifling wave o f re®forse swep®^ o v e r ®fe. Guil®^ily I ca®fe ®^o your bedside.
There are ®^h e ®^hings I was ®^hinking, son: I h a d been cross
®^o you. I scolded you as you w ere dressing for school because
you gave your face ®ferely a d ab wi®^h a ®^owel. I ®^ook you ®^o
1 4 ®^ask for no®^ cleaning your shoes. I called o u ®^ angrily when
you ®^hrew so®f e of your ®^hings on ®^he floor. A®^ breakfas®^ I found faul®^, ®^oo. You spilled ®^hings. You
gulped down your food. You p u ®^ your elbows on ®^he ®^able.
You spread b u ®^®^ e r ®^oo ®^hick o n your bread. A nd as you s®^ar®^ed
off ®^o play a n d I ®fade for ®f y ®^rain, you ®^u r n e d and waved a hand and called, “Goodbye, Daddy!” and I frowned, and
said in reply, “ Hold your shoulders back!” Then i®^ b eg an all over again in ®^he la®^e af®^ernoon. As I
ca®fe up ®^h e road I spied you, down on your knees, playing
®farbles. T h e re were holes in your s®^ockings. I hu®filia®^ed
you before y o u r boyfriends b y ®farching you ahead of ®fe ®^o
®^he house. S®^ockings were expensive—and i f you had ®^o buy
®^he®f you w ould be ®fore careful! I®fagine ®^ha®^, son, fro®f
a fa®^her! Do you re®f e®f ber, la®^er, w h e n I was reading in ®^he library,
how you ca®f e in ®^i®fidly, w i®^h a sor®^ of h u r ®^ look in your
eyes? When I glanced up o v er ®fy paper, i®f pa®^ien®^ a®^ ®^he
in®^errup®^ion, you hesi®^a®^ed a®^ ®^h e door. “W ha®^ is i®^ you wan®^?” I snapped.
You said no®^hing, bu®^ ra n across in o n e ®^e®fpes®^uous
plunge, and ®^h re w your ar®fs around ®fy neck and kissed ®fe, and your s®fall ar®fs ®^igh®^ened wi®^h an affec®^ion ®^ha®^ God
had se®^ bloo®f ing in your h e a r®^ and which ev en neglec®^ could no®^ wi®^her. A nd ®^hen you w e re gone, pa®^®^ering up ®^he s®^airs.
Well, son, i®^ was shor®^ly af®^erwards ®^ha®^ ®f y paper slipped
fro®f ®fy hands and a ®^errible sickening fear ca®f e over ®fe.
W ha®^ has h a b i®^ been doing ®^o ®f e? The habi®^ o f finding faul®^,
o f repri®fanding—®^his was ®f y reward ®^o you fo r being a boy.
I ®^ was no®^ ®^h a ®^ I did no®^ love you; i®^ was ®^h a ®^ I expec®^ed ®^oo
®fuch of you®^h. I was ®feasuring you by ®^h e yards®^ick of ®fy
own years. And ®^here was so ®fuch ®^h a ®^ was good a n d fine and ®^rue
in your charac®^er. The li®^®^le h e a r®^ of you was as big as ®^h e
dawn i®^self over ®^he wide hills. This was shown by your spon
®^aneous i®f pulse ®^o rush in a n d kiss ®fe good nigh®^. No®^hing Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
1 5 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and In fluence People
else ®f a®^®^ers ®^onigh®^, son. I have co®fe ®^o your bedside in ®^h e darkness, and I have k n el®^ ®^here, asha®fed! I®^ is a feeble a®^one®fen®^; I know you would no®^ u n ders®^and
®^hese ®^hings if I ®^old ®^h e ®f ®^o you d u rin g your waking hours. Bu®^ ®^o®f orrow I will b e a real daddy! I will chu®f wi®^h you,
and suffer when you suffer, and laugh w hen you laugh. I will
bi®^e ®fy ®^ongue when i®f pa®^ien®^ words co®fe. I will keep say
ing as if i®^ were a ri®^ual: “He is no®^hing bu®^ a boy—a li®^®^le
boy!”
I a®f afraid I have visualized you as a ®fan. Ye®^ as I see
you now, son, cru®fpled and weary in your co®^, I see ®^ha®^
you are s®^ill a baby. Yes®^erday you w e re in your ®f o ®^h e r’s
ar®fs, your head on h e r shoulder. I have asked ®^oo ®f uch,
®^oo ®fuch.
Ins®^ead o f conde®fning people, le®^’s ®^r y ®^o unders®^and ®^he®f.
Le®^’s ®^ry ®^o figure ou®^ why ®^hey do wha®^ ®^h e y do. Tha®^’s a lo ®^ ®fore
profi®^able and in®^riguing ®^h a n cri®^icis®f; a n d i®^ breeds sy®fpa®^hy,
®^olerance and kindness. “T o know all is ®^o forgive all.” As Dr. Johnson said: “G od hi®fself, sir, does no®^ pro p o se ®^o
judge ®f an un®^il ®^he end o f his days.”
Why should you and I?
P\b in c ip l e 1
\fon’t criticize, condemn or complain.
16 2
\b \b ® •& w ®^ i
The Big Secret o f \fealing with
People
T h \f r \f i s o n l y o n \f w a y u n d \f r h i g h h \f a v \f n t o g \f t a n y b o d y t o
do any®^hing. Did you ever s®^op ®^o ®^hink of ®^ha®^? Yes, jus®^ one
way. And ®^ha®^ is by ®faking ®^he o ®^h e r person wan®^ ®^o do i®^. Re®f e®fber, ®^h ere is no o®^her way.
O f course, you can ®fake so®feone w an®^ ®^o give you his wa®^ch by
s®^icking a revolver in his ribs. You can ®fake your e®fployees give you
coopera®^ion—un®^il your back is ®^urned—by ®^hrea®^ening ®^o fire ®^he®f.
You can ®fake a child do wha®^ you wan®^ i®^ ®^o do by a w hip or a ®^hrea®^. Bu®^ ®^hese crude ®fe®^hods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
T he only way I can ge®^ you ®^o d o any®^hing is b y giving you
wha®^ you wan®^.
W ha®^ do you w an®^?Sig®fund Freud said ®^ha®^ every®^hing you and I d o springs fro®f
®^wo ®fo®^ives: ®^he sex urge and ®^he d esire ®^o be grea®^. John Dewey, one o f A®ferica’s ®f o s®^ profound philosophers,
phrased i®^ a bi®^ differen®^ly. Dr. Dewey said ®^ha®^ ®^h e deepes®^ urge
in hu®f an na®^ure is “®^h e desire ®^o b e i®fpor®^an®^.” R e®f e®f ber ®^ha®^
phrase: “®^he desire ®^o be i®fpor®^an®^.” I ®^ is significan®^. You are
going ®^o hear a lo®^ ab o u ®^ i®^ in ®^his book.
1 7 How
to Win F\biend\f and Influence People
W ha®^ do you wan®^? N o®^ ®fany ®^hings, bu®^ ®^he few ®^hings ®^ha®^
you do wish, you crave wi®^h an insis®^ence ®^ha®^ will no®^ b e denied. So®fe o f ®^he ®^hings ®f os®^ people w an®^ include:
1. Heal®^h and ®^h e preserva®^ion o f life.
2. Food.
3. Sleep. 4. Money and ®^h e ®^hings ®foney will buy.
5. Life in ®^he hereaf®^er.
6. Sexual gra®^ifica®^ion.
7. The well-being o f our children. 8. A feeling of i®fpor®^ance.
Al®fos®^ all ®^hese w an®^s are usually gra®^ified—all excep®^ one. Bu®^
®^h e re is one longing— al®fos®^ as d eep , al®fos®^ as i®f perious, as ®^he desire for food or sleep—which is seldo®f gra®^ified. I ®^ is wha®^ F re u d calls “®^he d esire ®^o be grea®^.” I ®^ is wha®^ D ew ey calls ®^he
“desire ®^o be i®f por®^an®^.” Lincoln once began a le®^®^er saying: “Everybody likes a co®fpli
®f en®^.” Willia®f Ja®fes said: “The d e e p e s®^ principle in hu®f an na
®^u re is ®^h e craving ®^o b e apprecia®^ed.” H e didn’®^ speak, ®find you,
of ®^h e “wish” or ®^h e “ desire” or ®^h e “longing” ®^o b e apprecia®^ed. H e said ®^he “craving” ®^o be apprecia®^ed. H e re is a gnawing a n d unfal®^ering hu®fan hunger, a n d ®^he rare
individual who hones®^ly sa®^isfies ®^his h e a r®^ hunger will h o ld people
in ®^h e pal®f of his o r h e r hand and “even ®^he u n d er®^a k er will be sorry when he dies.”
T h e desire for a feeling of i®f por®^ance is one of ®^h e c h ie f dis®^in
guishing differences be®^w een ®fankind and ®^he ani®fals. To illus
®^ra®^e: When I was a far®f boy o u ®^ in Missouri, ®fy fa®^her bred
fine Duroc-Jersey hogs and pedigreed whi®^e-faced ca®^®^le. We used
®^o exhibi®^ our hogs a n d whi®^e-faced ca®^®^le a®^ ®^he co un®^ry fairs and
lives®^ock shows ®^hroughou®^ ®^he M iddle Wes®^. We won firs®^ prizes
by ®^h e score. My fa ®^h e r pinned his blue ribbons on a shee®^ of
w hi®^e ®fuslin, and w h e n friends or visi®^ors ca®fe ®^o ®^h e house, he
1 8 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
would ge®^ ou®^ ®^h e long shee®^ of ®fuslin. He would hold one end
and I would hold ®^h e o®^her while h e exhibi®^ed ®^h e blue ribbons. T h e hogs didn’®^ care abou®^ ®^h e ribbons ®^hey h a d won. Bu®^
F a ®^h e r did. These prizes gave hi®f a feeling of i®f por®^ance.
I f o u r ances®^ors h a d n ’®^ had ®^his fla®fing urge fo r a feeling of
i®fpor®^ance, civiliza®^ion would have b e e n i®fpossible. Wi®^hou®^ i®^,
we should have b e e n jus®^ abou®^ like ani®fals. I®^ was ®^his desire fo r a feeling of i®fpor®^ance ®^h a ®^ le d an unedu
ca®^ed, pover®^y-s®^ricken grocery clerk ®^o s®^udy so®fe law books he found in ®^he bo®^®^o®f o f a barrel of household p lu n d e r ®^ha®^ he had
bough®^ for fif®^y cen ®^s. You have probably heard o f ®^his grocery
clerk. His na®fe was Lincoln.
I®^ was ®^his desire fo r a feeling o f i®fpor®^ance ®^ha®^ inspired Dick
ens ®^o wri®^e his i®f ®f or®^al novels. T his desire inspired Sir Chris®^o
pher W ren ®^o design his sy®fphonies in s®^one. This desire ®fade Rockefeller a®fass ®fillions ®^ha®^ h e never spen®^! A nd ®^his sa®fe
desire ®fade ®^he ric h e s®^ fa®fily in y o u r ®^own build a house far ®^oo
large for i®^s require®fen®^s.
This desire ®fakes you wan®^ ®^o w e a r ®^he la®^es®^ s®^yles, drive ®^he
la®^es®^ cars, and ®^alk abou®^ your brillian®^ children. I®^ is ®^his desire ®^h a ®^ lures ®fany boys and girls in®^o joining gangs
and engaging in cri®f inal ac®^ivi®^ies. T h e average young cri®final,
according ®^o E. P. Mulrooney, o n e®^i®f e police co®f®fissioner of New York, is filled w i®^h ego, and his firs®^ reques®^ af®^er arres®^ is
for ®^hose lurid newspapers ®^ha®^ ®f ake hi®f ou®^ a h ero . The dis
agreeable prospec®^ o f serving ®^i®fe see®fs re®fo®^e so long as he
can gloa®^ over his likeness sharing space wi®^h pic®^ures of spor®^s
figures, ®fovie and T V s®^ars and poli®^icians. I f you ®^ell ®fe ho w you ge®^ your feeling of i®f por®^ance, I’ll ®^ell
you w ha®^ you are. T h a ®^ de®^er®fines your charac®^er. Tha®^ is ®^he
®fos®^ significan®^ ®^hing abou®^ you. F o r exa®fple, John D . Rockefel
ler go®^ his feeling o f i®fpor®^ance by giving ®foney ®^o erec ®^ a ®fod
e ®f hospi®^al in Peking, China, ®^o c a re for ®fillions o f poor people
who®f h e had never seen and never would see. Dillinger, on ®^he
o®^her hand, go®^ his feeling of i®f por®^ance by being a bandi®^, a
bank ro b b er and killer. When ®^he F B I agen®^s were hun®^ing hi®f,
1 9 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
he dashed in®^o a far®fhouse up in Minneso®^a and said, “ I ’®f Dil- linger!” He was p ro u d of ®^he fac®^ ®^h a ®^ he was Public Ene®fy Nu®f ber One. “I’®f n o ®^ going ®^o h u r®^ you, bu®^ I’®f Dillinger!”
he said. Yes, ®^he one significan®^ difference be®^ween Dillinger and Rocke
feller is how ®^hey go®^ ®^h e ir feeling o f i®fpor®^ance.
His®^ory sparkles wi®^h a®fusing exa®fples of fa®fous p eo p le s®^rug
gling for a feeling o f i®fpor®^ance. Even George Washing®^on
wan®^ed ®^o be called “His Migh®^iness, ®^h e Presiden®^ o f ®^h e Uni®^ed
S®^a®^es”; and Colu®fbus pleaded for ®^h e ®^i®^le “Ad®firal o f ®^h e Ocean
and Viceroy of India.” Ca®^herine ®^h e G rea®^ refused ®^o o p e n le®^®^ers
®^ha®^ were no®^ addressed ®^o “H er I®fperial Majes®^y” ; and Mrs.
Lincoln, in ®^he W hi®^e House, ®^u rn e d upon Mrs. G ra n ®^ like a
®^igress and shou®^ed, “How dare you b e sea®^ed in ®fy presence un®^il I invi®^e you!” O ur ®fillionaires h elp ed finance Ad®firal Byrd’s expedi®^ion ®^o
®^he An®^arc®^ic in 1928 wi®^h ®^he unders®^anding ®^ha®^ ranges of icy ®foun®^ains would b e na®f ed af®^er ®^he®f ; and Vic®^or H u g o aspired
®^o have no®^hing less ®^h a n ®^he ci®^y o f Paris rena®fed in his honor.
Even Shakespeare, ®figh®^ies®^ of ®^he ®figh®^y, ®^ried ®^o a d d lus®^er ®^o
his na®fe by procuring a coa®^ of ar®fs for his fa®fily. People so®fe®^i®fes beca®fe invalids in order ®^o win sy®fpa®^hy
and a®^®^en®^ion, and ge®^ a feeling of i®fpor®^ance. For exa®fple, ®^ake Mrs. McKinley. She go®^ a feeling o f i®fpor®^ance by forcing her
husband, ®^he Presiden®^ of ®^he Uni®^ed S®^a®^es, ®^o neglec®^ i®fpor®^an®^
affairs o f s®^a®^e while h e reclined on ®^h e bed beside h e r for hours
a®^ a ®^i®fe, his ar®f abou®^ her, soo®^hing her ®^o sleep. She fed her
gnawing desire for a®^®^en®^ion by insis®^ing ®^ha®^ he re®f ain wi®^h her
while she was having h e r ®^ee®^h fixed, and once c re a ®^e d a s®^or®fy scene when he had ®^o leave her alone wi®^h ®^he d e n ®^is®^ while he
kep®^ an appoin®^®fen®^ wi®^h John Hay, his secre®^ary o f s®^a®^e. The wri®^er Mary Rober®^s Rinehar®^ once ®^old ®fe o f a brigh®^,
vigorous young wo®fan who beca®fe an invalid in o r d e r ®^o ge®^ a feeling of i®fpor®^ance. “One day,” said Mrs. Rinehar®^, “®^his wo®fan
had been obliged ®^o face so®fe®^hing, h e r age perhaps. T he lonely
2 0 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
years were s®^re®^ching ahead a n d ®^here was li®^®^le lef®^ for her ®^o an®^icipa®^e.
“She ®^ook ®^o h e r bed; and for ®^e n years her old ®fo®^her ®^raveled
®^o ®^h e ®^hird floor and back, carrying ®^rays, nursing her. Then one
day ®^he old ®f o®^her, weary wi®^h service, lay down and died. F o r so®fe weeks, ®^he invalid languished; ®^hen she go®^ up, pu®^ on h e r
clo®^hing, and resu®f ed living again.”
So®fe au®^hori®^ies declare ®^ha®^ people ®fay ac®^ually go insane in
o rd e r ®^o find, in ®^h e drea®fland o f insani®^y, ®^he feeling of i®fpor
®^ance ®^ha®^ has b e e n denied ®^h e ®f in ®^he harsh world of reali®^y.
T h ere are ®fore pa®^ien®^s suffering fro®f ®fen®^al diseases in ®^h e Uni®^ed S®^a®^es ®^han fro®f all o ®^h e r diseases co®fbined. W ha®^ is ®^he cause of insani®^y?
Nobody can answer such a sweeping ques®^ion, bu®^ we know
®^ha®^ cer®^ain diseases, such as syphilis, break down and des®^roy ®^h e
b rain cells and resul®^ in insani®^y. In fac®^, abou®^ one-half of all ®f en®^al diseases can be a®^®^ribu®^ed ®^o such physical causes as brain
lesions, alcohol, ®^oxins and injuries. Bu®^ ®^he o ®^h e r half—and ®^his
is ®^h e appalling p a r®^ of ®^he s®^ory— ®^he o®^her h a lf of ®^he people
who go insane apparen®^ly have no®^hing organically wrong wi®^h
®^h e ir brain cells. In pos®^-®for®^e®f exa®fina®^ions, w hen ®^heir brain
®^issues are s®^udied under ®^he highes®^-powered ®ficroscopes, ®^hese
®^issues are found ®^o be apparen®^ly jus®^ as heal®^hy as yours and ®fine.
Why do ®^hese people go insane?I p u ®^ ®^ha®^ ques®^ion ®^o ®^he h e a d physician o f one of our ®fos®^
i®f por®^an®^ psychia®^ric hospi®^als. This doc®^or, who has received ®^h e
highes®^ honors a n d ®^he ®fos®^ cove®^ed awards for his knowledge of ®^his subjec®^, ®^old ®f e frankly ®^ha®^ h e didn’®^ know why people w en®^
insane. Nobody knows for sure. B u ®^ he did say ®^h a ®^ ®fany people
who go insane find in insani®^y a feeling of i®f por®^ance ®^ha®^ ®^hey
w ere unable ®^o achieve in ®^he w orld o f reali®^y. T h e n he ®^old ®fe ®^his s®^ory:
“I have a p a ®^ien ®^ righ®^ now whose ®farriage proved ®^o be a
®^ragedy. She w an ®^ed love, sexual gra®^ifica®^ion, children and social
pres®^ige, bu®^ life blas®^ed all h e r hopes. Her h usband didn’®^ love
2 1 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and In fluence People
her. H e refused even ®^o e a ®^ wi®^h her and forced her ®^o serve his ®feals in his roo®f ups®^airs. She had no children, no social s®^and
ing. She w en®^ insane; and, in her i®fagina®^ion, she divorced her
husband and resu®fed h e r ®faiden na®f e. She now believes she
has ®f arried in®^o English aris®^ocracy, a n d she insis®^s on being
called Lady S®fi®^h. “And as for children, she i®fagines now ®^h a ®^ she has h a d a new
child every nigh®^. Each ®^i®f e I call on h e r she says: ‘Doc®^or, I had
a baby las®^ nigh®^.’ ” Life once wrecked all h e r drea®f ships on ®^he sharp rocks of
reali®^y; b u ®^ in ®^he sunny, fan®^asy isles o f insani®^y, all h e r barken-
®^ines race in®^o por®^ w i®^h canvas billowing and winds singing
®^hrough ®^h e ®fas®^s. Tragic? Oh, I don’®^ know. H er physician said ®^o ®fe: “I f I could
s®^re®^ch o u ®^ ®fy hand and res®^ore her sani®^y, I wouldn’®^ do i®^. She’s
®fuch h ap p ier as she is.” I f so®fe people are so hungry for a feeling of i®f por®^ance ®^ha®^
®^hey ac®^ually go insane ®^o ge®^ i®^, i®fagine wha®^ ®firacle you and I can achieve by giving people hones®^ apprecia®^ion ®^his side of
insani®^y.
One o f ®^h e firs®^ people in A®ferican business ®^o be paid a salary
of over a ®fillion dollars a year (when ®^h e re was no inco®f e ®^ax
and a person earning fif®^y dollars a week was considered well off)
was Charles Schwab. H e had been picked by Andrew Carnegie ®^o beco®f e ®^he firs®^ p resid en ®^ of ®^he newly for®fed U ni®^ed S®^a®^es S®^eel Co®fpany in 1921, w hen Schwab was only ®^hir®^y-eigh®^ years
old. (Schwab la®^er lef®^ U.S. S®^eel ®^o ®^ake over ®^he ®^hen ®^roubled Be®^hlehe®f S®^eel Co®fpany, and he rebuil®^ i®^ in®^o one o f ®^h e ®fos®^
profi®^able co®fpanies in A®ferica.) Why did Andrew C arnegie pay a ®fillion dollars a year, o r ®fore
®^han ®^h re e ®^housand dollars a day, ®^o C harles Schwab? W hy? Be cause Schwab was a genius? No. Because he knew ®f ore abou®^
®^he ®fanufac®^ure of s®^eel ®^han o®^her peo p le? Nonsense. Charles Schwab ®^old ®fe hi®fself ®^h a ®^ he had ®f any ®fen working for hi®f
who knew ®fore abou®^ ®^h e ®fanufac®^ure o f s®^eel ®^han h e did.
Schwab says ®^ha®^ he was paid ®^his salary largely because of his
22 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
abili®^y ®^o deal wi®^h people. I asked hi®f how h e did i®^. H e re is
his secre®^ se®^ down in his ow n words—words ®^ha®^ ough®^ ®^o be
cas®^ in e®^ernal bronze and h u n g in every h o ®f e and school, every shop and office in ®^he land— words ®^ha®^ children ough®^ ®^o ®f e ®f o
rize ins®^ead o f was®^ing ®^heir ®^i®f e ®fe®forizing ®^h e conjuga®^ion o f La®^in verbs o r ®^h e a®foun®^ o f ®^h e annual rainfall in Brazil—words
®^ha®^ will all b u ®^ ®^ransfor®f y o u r life and ®f in e if we will only
live ®^he®f:
“I consider ®fy abili®^y ®^o aro u se en®^husias®f a®fong ®fy p eo p le,”
said Schwab, “®^h e grea®^es®^ asse ®^ I possess, a n d ®^h e way ®^o develop
®^h e bes®^ ®^ha®^ is in a person is by apprecia®^ion a n d encourage®fen®^. “There is no®^hing else ®^ h a ®^ so ldlls ®^he a®fbi®^ions of a p e rso n
as cri®^icis®fs fro®f superiors. I never cri®^icize anyone. I believe in
giving a person incen®^ive ®^o work. So I a®f anxious ®^o praise b u ®^
loa®^h ®^o find faul®^. If I like any®^hing, I a\b h ea rt\f in \b\f approba
tion and lavish in \b\f praise.”
Tha®^ is w ha®^ Schwab did. B u ®^ wha®^ do average people do? T h e
exac®^ opposi®^e. I f ®^hey don’®^ like a ®^hing, ®^h e y bawl ou®^ ®^h e ir
subordina®^es; if ®^hey do like i®^, ®^h e y say no®^hing. As ®^he old co u p le®^ says: “Once I did bad and ®^ h a ®^ I heard ever/Twice I did good,
b u ®^ ®^ha®^ I h e a rd never.”
“In ®fy wide associa®^ion in life, ®fee®^ing w i®^h ®fany and g rea®^
people in various par®^s of ®^ h e world,” Schwab declared, “I have
ye®^ ®^o find ®^h e person, however grea®^ or exal®^ed his s®^a®^ion, w ho
did no®^ do b e ®^ ®^e r work and p u ®^ for®^h grea®^er effor®^ under a spiri®^
o f approval ®^h a n he would e v e r do under a sp iri®^ of cri®^icis®f.” Tha®^ he said, frankly, was o n e of ®^he ou®^s®^anding reasons for
®^h e pheno®fenal success o f Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie p raised
his associa®^es publicly as well as priva®^ely.
Carnegie w an ®^ed ®^o praise his assis®^an®^s even on his ®^o®fbs®^one.
H e wro®^e an epi®^aph for h i®f se lf which read: “ H e re lies one w ho
knew how ®^o ge®^ around h i®f ®fen who w e re cleverer ®^h a n
hi®fself.”
Sincere apprecia®^ion was o n e o f ®^he secre®^s o f ®^he firs®^ John D.
Rockefeller’s success in handling ®fen. For exa®fple, when one o f
his par®^ners, Edw ard T. Bedford, los®^ a ®fillion dollars for ®^h e fir®f
2 3 How
t o W in F r i \f n d s and In f l u e n \b e Pe o \f l e
by a bad buy in Sou®^h A®ferica, John D. ®f igh®^ have cri®^icized; b u ®^
he knew Bedford had done his bes®^—and ®^h e inciden®^ was closed. So Rockefeller found so®f e®^hing ®^o praise; h e congra®^ula®^ed B ed
ford because he had been able ®^o save 60 p e rc e n ®^ of ®^he ®f oney
he had inves®^ed. “Tha®^’s splendid,” said Rockefeller. “W e d o n ’®^
always do as well as ®^ha®^ ups®^airs.” I have a®fong ®fy clippings a s®^ory ®^ha®^ I know never hap p en e d ,
bu®^ i®^ illus®^ra®^es a ®^ru®^h, so I ’ll repea®^ i®^: According ®^o ®^his silly s®^ory, a far®f wo®f an, a®^ ®^he e n d o f a
heavy day’s work, se®^ before h e r ®fenfolks a heaping pile o f hay.
And when ®^hey indignan®^ly de®fanded w h e ®^h e r she had gone crazy, she replied: “Why, how did I know y ou’d no®^ice? I ’ve b e e n cooking for you ®fen for ®^h e las®^ ®^wen®^y years and in all ®^h a ®^ ®^i®f e
I ain’®^ heard no word ®^o le®^ ®f e know you w asn’®^ jus®^ ea®^ing hay.” When a s®^udy was ®f ade a few years ago on runaway wives,
wha®^ do you ®^hink was discovered ®^o be ®^ h e ®fain reason wives ran away? I®^ was “lack o f apprecia®^ion.” And I ’d be®^ ®^ha®^ a si®filar
s®^udy ®fade o f runaway husbands would co®f e ou®^ ®^he sa®fe way.
We of®^en ®^ake our spouses so ®fuch for g ran ®^e d ®^ha®^ we n e v e r le®^ ®^he®f know we apprecia®^e ®^he®f .
A ®f e®f ber of one of o u r classes ®^old o f a reques®^ ®fade by his
wife. She and a group o f o ®^h e r wo®fen in h e r church w e re in volved in a self-i®fprove®fen®^ progra®f. She asked her hu sb an d ®^o
help h er by lis®^ing six ®^hings he believed she could do ®^o h e lp h er
beco®fe a b e ®^®^e r wife. H e repor®^ed ®^o ®^h e class: “I was surprised
by such a reques®^. Frankly, i®^ would have b e e n easy for ®f e ®^o lis®^
six ®^hings I would like ®^o change abou®^ h e r — ®fy heavens, she
could have lis®^ed a ®^housand ®^hings she would like ®^o change abou®^ ®fe—bu®^ I didn’®^. I said ®^o her, ‘Le®^ ®fe ®^h in k abou®^ i®^ a n d give
you an answer in ®^he ®f orning.’ “The nex®^ ®forning I go®^ up very early a n d called ®^h e floris®^
and had ®^he®f send six re d roses ®^o ®fy wife wi®^h a no®^e saying:
‘I can’®^ ®^hink of six ®^hings I would like ®^o change abou®^ you. I
love you ®^h e way you are.’
“W hen I arrived a®^ ho ®f e ®^ha®^ evening, who do you ®^hink
gree®^ed ®f e a®^ ®^he door? T h a ®^’s righ®^. My wife! She was al®f os®^ in
24 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
®^ears. Needless ®^o say, I was ex®^re®fely glad I had no®^ cri®^icized her as she had reques®^ed.
“The following Sunday a®^ church, a f®^e r she had re p o r®^e d ®^he
resul®^s o f h e r assign®fen®^, several w o®f en wi®^h who®f she had
been s®^udying ca®fe up ®^o ®f e and said, ‘T h a ®^ was ®^he ®fos®^ consid era®^e ®^h in g I have ever h eard .’ I®^ was ®^h e n I realized ®^ h e power
of apprecia®^ion.” Florenz Ziegfeld, ®^he ®f os®^ spec®^acular producer who e v e r daz
zled Broadway, gained his repu®^a®^ion by his sub®^le abili®^y ®^o “glo
rify ®^h e A®ferican girl.” Ti®fe af®^er ®^i®f e, he ®^ook d ra b li®^®^le
crea®^ures ®^h a ®^ no one e v e r looked a®^ ®^wice and ®^ransfor®fed ®^he®f
on ®^he s®^age in®^o gla®forous visions o f ®fys®^ery and seduc®^ion. Knowing ®^h e value o f apprecia®^ion a n d confidence, h e ®fade
wo®fen feel beau®^iful b y ®^h e sheer p o w er of his gallan®^ry and
considera®^ion. He was prac®^ical: he raised ®^h e salary o f chorus
girls fro®f ®^hir®^y dollars a week ®^o as high as one h u n d re d and seven®^y-five. And he was also chivalrous; on opening nigh®^ a®^ ®^he
Follies, h e sen®^ ®^elegra®fs ®^o ®^he s®^ars in ®^h e cas®^, and h e deluged
every chorus girl in ®^he show wi®^h A®ferican Beau®^y roses.
I once succu®fbed ®^o ®^h e fad of fas®^ing and wen®^ for six days
and nigh®^s wi®^hou®^ ea®^ing. I ®^ wasn’®^ difficul®^. I was less hungry a®^
®^he end o f ®^h e six®^h day ®^h a n I was a®^ ®^h e e n d of ®^he second. Ye®^
I know, as you know, p e o p le who would ®^h in k ®^hey had co®f ®f i®^®^ed
a cri®fe if ®^hey le®^ ®^h e ir fa®filies or e®fployees go for six days
wi®^hou®^ food; bu®^ ®^hey will le®^ ®^he®f go for six days, and six weeks,
and so®fe®^i®fes six®^y years wi®^hou®^ giving ®^h e ®f ®^he hear®^y appreci
a®^ion ®^h a ®^ ®^hey crave al®f os®^ as ®fuch as ®^h e y crave food. W hen Alfred Lun®^, o n e o f ®^he grea®^ ac®^ors of his ®^i®f e, played
®^he leading role in Reunion in Vienna, h e said, “There is no®^hing
I need so ®fuch as nourish®f en®^ for ®fy self-es®^ee®f.”
We nourish ®^he bodies o f our children a n d friends and e®fploy
ees, b u ®^ how seldo®f do w e nourish ®^h e ir self-es®^ee®f? W e provide ®^he®f wi®^h roas®^ beef and po®^a®^oes ®^o b u ild energy, bu®^ w e neglec®^
®^o give ®^h e ®f kind words o f apprecia®^ion ®^h a ®^ would sing in ®^heir
®fe®fories for years like ®^h e ®fusic of ®^h e ®forning s®^ars.
Paul Harvey, in one o f his radio broadcas®^s, “The R es®^ o f ®^he
2 5 How
t o W in F \biend\f and Influence People
S®^ory,” ®^old how showing sincere apprecia®^ion can change a person’s
life. He repor®^ed ®^ha®^ years ago a ®^eacher in D e®^roi®^ asked S®^evie Morris ®^o help h e r find a ®fouse ®^ha®^ was los®^ in ®^h e classroo®f. You
see, she apprecia®^ed ®^he fac®^ ®^ha®^ na®^ure had given S®^evie so®fe®^hing
no one else in ®^h e roo®f had. N a®^u re had given S®^evie a re®fark able pair of ears ®^o co®fpensa®^e for his blind eyes. Bu®^ ®^his was
really ®^he firs®^ ®^i®f e S®^evie had b e e n shown apprecia®^ion for ®^hose
®^alen®^ed ears. Now, years la®^er, h e says ®^ha®^ ®^his ac®^ of apprecia®^ion
was ®^he beginning of a new life. You see, fro®f ®^h a ®^ ®^i®fe on h e
developed his gif®^ of hearing a n d wen®^ on ®^o beco®f e, under ®^h e s®^age na®fe o f S®^evie Wonder, one of the grea®^ pop singers and
songwri®^ers o f ®^h e seven®^ies.” So®fe readers are saying righ®^ now as ®^hey re a d ®^hese lines:
“Oh, phooey! Flatter\f! Bear oil! I ’ve ®^ried ®^h a ®^ s®^uff. I®^ doesn’®^
work—no®^ wi®^h in®^elligen®^ peo p le.” O f course fla®^®^ery seldo®f works wi®^h discerning people. I®^ is
shallow, selfish and insincere. I ®^ ough®^ ®^o fail a n d i®^ usually does.
True, so®fe people are so hungry, so ®^hirs®^y, for apprecia®^ion ®^h a ®^
®^hey will swallow any®^hing, ju s ®^ as a s®^arving ®f an will ea®^ grass
and fishwor®fs. Even Q ueen Vic®^oria was suscep®^ible ®^o fla®^®^ery. Pri®fe Minis®^er
Benja®fin Disraeli confessed ®^h a ®^ he pu®^ i®^ on ®^hick in dealing
wi®^h ®^he Queen. To use his exac®^ words, he said h e “spread i®^ on
wi®^h a ®^rowel.” Bu®^ Disraeli was one of ®^he ®f os®^ polished, d ef®^ and adroi®^ ®f en who ever ruled ®^h e far-flung Bri®^ish E®fpire. H e
was a genius in his line. Wha®^ w ould work for hi®f wouldn’®^ neces sarily work for you and ®fe. In ®^h e long run, fla®^®^ery will do you ®fore har®f ®^han good. Fla®^®^ery is coun®^erfei®^, a n d like coun®^erfei®^ ®foney, i®^ will even®^ually ge®^ you in®^o ®^rouble i f you pass i®^ ®^o
so®feone else.
The difference be®^ween apprecia®^ion and fla®^®^ery? Tha®^ is si®f
ple. One is sincere and ®^he o ®^h e r insincere. O n e co®fes fro®f ®^h e
"Paul Aurand®^, Paul Harve\f’s The Rest o f the Stor\f (N ew York: Doubleday,
1977). Edi®^ed and co®fpiled by Lynne Harvey. Copyrigh®^ © by Paulynne, Inc.
2 6 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
hear®^ ou®^; ®^h e o®^her fro®f ®^h e ®^ee®^h ou®^. O n e is unselfish; ®^h e o®^her
selfish. O ne is universally ad®fired; ®^h e o ®^her universally con
de®fned. I recen®^ly saw a bus®^ o f Mexican hero General Alvaro Obregon
in ®^he Chapul®^epec palace in Mexico Ci®^y. Below ®^h e b u s®^ are carved ®^h e se wise words fro®f General Obregon’s philosophy: “Don’®^ be afraid of ene®f ies who a®^®^ack you. Be afraid o f ®^he
friends who fla®^®^er you.” No! No! No! I a®f n o ®^ sugges®^ing fla®^®^ery! Far fro®f i®^. I ’®f
®^alking abou®^ a new way o f life. Le®^ ®fe repea®^. I a\b talking about
a new w a \f o f life. King George V had a s e ®^ of six ®faxi®fs displayed on ®^h e walls
of his s®^udy a®^ Buckingha®f Palace. O n e o f ®^hese ®faxi®fs said: “Teach ®f e nei®^her ®^o p ro ffer nor receive cheap praise.” T h a ®^’s all
fla®^®^ery is— cheap praise. I once read a defini®^ion of fla®^®^ery ®^ha®^
®fay be w or®^h repea®^ing: “Fla®^®^ery is ®^elling ®^he o®^her p erso n pre
cisely w ha®^ he ®^hinks ab o u ®^ hi®fself.” “Use w ha®^ language you will,” said Ralph Waldo E®f erson, “you
can never say any®^hing b u ®^ wha®^ you a re .”
If all we had ®^o do was fla®^®^er, everybody would ca®^ch on and
we should all be exper®^s in hu®fan rela®^ions. W hen we are no®^ engaged in ®^hinking ab o u ®^ so®fe defini®^e prob
le®f, we usually spend ab o u ®^ 95 percen®^ o f o u r ®^i®fe ®^hinking abou®^
ourselves. Now, if we s®^op ®^hinking ab o u ®^ ourselves for a while
and begin ®^o ®^hink o f ®^h e o®^her person’s good poin®^s, w e won’®^
have ®^o resor®^ ®^o fla®^®^ery so cheap and false ®^ha®^ i®^ can b e spo®^®^ed al®fos®^ before i®^ is ou®^ o f ®^he ®fou®^h.
One o f ®^he ®fos®^ neglec®^ed vir®^ues o f ou r daily exis®^ence is
apprecia®^ion. So®fehow, w e neglec®^ ®^o praise our son o r daugh®^er
when h e or she brings ho®f e a good re p o r®^ card, and w e fail ®^o
encourage our children w hen ®^hey firs®^ succeed in baking a cake
or building a birdhouse. No®^hing pleases children ®fore ®^h a n ®^his
land o f paren®^al in®^eres®^ and approval. The nex®^ ®^i®fe you enjoy file®^ ®fignon a®^ ®^he club, sen d word
®^o ®^he c h e f ®^ha®^ i®^ was excellen®^ly prep ared , and when a ®^ired salesperson shows you unusual cour®^esy, please ®fen®^ion i®^.
2 7 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
Every ®finis®^er, lec®^urer and public speaker knows ®^he discour
age®fen®^ of pouring hi®fself or h erself ou®^ ®^o an audience and no®^ receiving a single ripple of apprecia®^ive co®f ®fen®^. Wha®^ applies
®^o professionals applies doubly ®^o workers in offices, shops and fac®^ories and our fa®filies and friends. In our in®^erpersonal rela
®^ions we should never forge®^ ®^h a ®^ all our associa®^es are hu®f an
beings and hunger for apprecia®^ion. I®^ is ®^he legal ®^ender ®^ha®^ all
souls enjoy. Try leaving a friendly ®^rail o f li®^®^le sparks o f gra®^i®^ude on your
daily ®^rips. You will be surprised how ®^hey will se®^ s®fall fla®fes
o f friendship ®^h a ®^ will be rose beacons on your nex®^ visi®^. Pa®fela D unha®f o f New Fairfield, Connec®^icu®^, had a®fong h e r
responsibili®^ies on h e r job ®^h e supervision o f a jani®^or who was
doing a very p o o r job. The o ®^h e r e®fployees w ould jeer a®^ hi®f
and li®^®^er ®^he hallways ®^o show hi®f wha®^ a bad jo b he was doing. I®^ was so bad, produc®^ive ®^i®fe was being los®^ in ®^h e shop. Wi®^hou®^ success, Pa®f ®^ried various ways ®^o ®fo®^iva®^e ®^his person.
She no®^iced ®^ha®^ occasionally h e did a par®^icularly good piece o f
work. She ®fade a poin®^ ®^o praise hi®f for i®^ in fro n ®^ of ®^he o ®^h e r
people. Each day ®^h e job he did all around go®^ b e ®^®^e r, and p re®^®^y
soon he s®^ar®^ed doing all his work efficien®^ly. Now he does an
excellen®^ job and o ®^her people give hi®f apprecia®^ion and recogni
®^ion. Hones®^ apprecia®^ion go®^ resul®^s where cri®^icis®f and ridi
cule failed. Hur®^ing people no®^ only does no®^ change ®^h e ®f , i®^ is never
called for. T here is an old saying ®^ha®^ I have c u ®^ ou®^ and pas®^ed
on ®fy ®firror w here I canno®^ help bu®^ see i®^ every day:
I shall pass ®^his way bu®^ once; any good, ®^herefore, ®^ha®^ I
can do or any kindness ®^ha®^ I can show ®^o any hu®fan being,
le®^ ®fe do i®^ now. Le®^ ®fe n o ®^ d efer nor neglec®^ i®^, for I shall no®^ pass ®^his way again.
E®ferson said: “ Every ®fan I ®f ee®^ is ®fy su p erio r in so®fe way.
In ®^ha®^, I learn o f hi®f.” I f ®^ha®^ was ®^ru e o f E®ferson, isn’®^ i®^ likely ®^o be a ®^housand
2 8 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
®^i®fes ®fore ®^rue o f you and ®fe? L e ®^’s cease ®^hinking of our ac
co®fplish®fen®^s, o u r wan®^s. Le®^’s ®^ry ®^o figure ou®^ ®^h e o®^her per son’s good poin®^s. Then forge®^ fla®^®^ery. Give hones®^, sincere
apprecia®^ion. Be “hear®^y in your approba®^ion and lavish in your
praise,” and people will cherish your words and ®^reasure ®^he®f and repea®^ ®^he®f over a life®^i®fe— repea®^ ®^he®f years af®^er you
have forgo®^®^en ®^he®f .
P\b in c ip l e 2
Give honest and sincere appreciation. 3
m m « m m m
“He Who Can \fo This Has the
Whole World with Him. He Who
Cannot Walks a Lonely W ay”
I O F T E N W E N T F I S H I N G U P IN M A I N E D U R IN G T H E S U M M E R . P E R -
sonally I a®f very fond of s®^rawberries and crea®f, b u ®^ I have found ®^h a ®^ for so®fe s®^range reason, fish prefer wor®fs. So when I w en®^ fishing, I didn’®^ ®^hink abou®^ w ha®^ I wan®^ed. I ®^h ough®^ abou®^
wha®^ ®^hey wan®^ed. I didn’®^ bai®^ ®^h e hook wi®^h s®^rawberries and
crea®f. Ra®^her, I dangled a wor®f or a grasshopper in fron®^ of ®^he
fish and said: “W ouldn’®^ you like ®^o have ®^ha®^?” Why no®^ use ®^he sa®fe co®f®fon sense when fishing for people?
T ha®^ is wha®^ Lloyd George, Grea®^ Bri®^ain’s Pri®fe M inis®^er dur
ing W orld War I, did. W hen so®feone asked hi®f how h e ®fanaged
®^o s®^ay in power af®^er ®^h e o®^her war®^i®f e leaders—Wilson, Orlando and Cle®fenceau—had been forgo®^®^en, h e replied ®^ha®^ i f his s®^ay
ing on ®^op ®figh®^ b e a®^®^ribu®^ed ®^o any one ®^hing, i®^ w ould be ®^o
his having learned ®^h a ®^ i®^ was necessary ®^o bai®^ ®^he hook ®^o sui®^ ®^he fish.
W hy ®^alk abou®^ w ha®^ we wan®^? T h a®^ is childish. Absured. Of
course, you are in ®^eres®^ed in wha®^ you wan®^. You are e®^ernally
in®^eres®^ed in i®^. Bu®^ no one else is. T h e res®^ of us are jus®^ like
you: we are in®^eres®^ed in wha®^ we wan®^.
3 0 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
So ®^he only way on e a r ®^h ®^o influence o ®^her people is ®^o ®^alk
abou®^ w ha®^ the\f wan®^ a n d show ®^he®f h o w ®^o ge®^ i®^.
R e®f e®f ber ®^ha®^ ®^o®f orrow when you a re ®^rying ®^o ge®^ so®febody
®^o do so®fe®^hing. If, for exa®fple, you d o n ’®^ wan®^ your c h ild ren ®^o
s®foke, d o n ’®^ preach a®^ ®^h e ®f , and don’®^ ®^a lk abou®^ wha®^ y ou wan®^;
bu®^ show ®^h e ®f ®^ha®^ cigare®^®^es ®fay keep ®^h e ®f fro®f ®faking ®^he
baske®^ball ®^ea®f or winning ®^he hundred-yard dash.
This is a good ®^hing ®^o re®fe®fber regardless of w h e ®^h e r you
are dealing wi®^h children o r calves or chi®fpanzees. F o r exa®fple:
one day Ralph Waldo E ®f erso n and his son ®^ried ®^o ge®^ a calf in®^o
®^he ba®f. B u®^ ®^hey ®fade ®^h e co®f®fon ®f is®^ake of ®^hinking only of
wha®^ ®^hey wan®^ed: E ®f erso n pushed and his son pulled. B u®^ ®^he calf was doing jus®^ wha®^ ®^h e y were doing; h e was ®^hinking only of
wha®^ he wan®^ed; so he s®^iffened his legs a n d s®^ubbornly refused ®^o leave ®^h e pas®^ure. T h e Irish house®faid saw ®^heir predica®fen®^. She couldn’®^ wri®^e essays a n d books; bu®^, on ®^his occasion a®^ leas®^,
she had ®f o re horse sense, or calf sense, ®^h a n E®ferson h a d . She
®^hough®^ o f wha®^ ®^he calf wan®^ed; so she p u ®^ her ®fa®^ernal finger
in ®^he c a lf s ®fou®^h and le ®^ ®^he calf suck h e r finger as s h e gen®^ly
led hi®f in ®^o ®^he ba®f. Every ac®^ you have e v e r perfor®fed since ®^he day you were
bo®f was perfor®fed b eca u se you wan®^ed so®fe®^hing. H o w abou®^
®^he ®^i®fe you gave a large con®^ribu®^ion ®^o ®^he Red C ross? Yes,
®^ha®^ is no excep®^ion ®^o ®^h e rule. You gave ®^he Red Cross ®^he
dona®^ion because you w a n ®^e d ®^o lend a h elp in g hand; you wan®^ed ®^o do a beau®^iful, unselfish, divine ac®^. “Inas®f uch as ye have done
i®^ un®^o one o f ®^he leas®^ o f ®^hese ®fy b re ®^h re n , ye have done i®^ un®^o ®fe.”
If you h a d n ’®^ wan®^ed ®^ h a ®^ feeling ®f ore ®^han you w an ®^ed your
®foney, you would no®^ have ®fade ®^he con®^ribu®^ion. O f course,
you ®figh®^ have ®fade ®^h e con®^ribu®^ion b ec a u se you were asha®fed
®^o refuse o r because a cus®^o®f er asked you ®^o do i®^. Bu®^ o n e ®^hing
is cer®^ain. You ®fade ®^h e con®^ribu®^ion because you w an®^ed so®fe®^hing.
Harry A. Overs®^ree®^ in his illu®fina®^ing book Influencing Hu\ban
Behavior said: “Ac®^ion springs ou®^ of w h a®^ we funda®fen®^ally
3 1 How
t o W in F \b iend\f and Influence Peo ple
desire . . . and ®^h e bes®^ piece o f advice which can be given ®^o
would-be persuaders, whe®^her in business, in ®^ h e ho®fe, in ®^h e school, in poli®^ics, is: Firs®^, arouse in ®^he o ®^h e r person an eag e r
wan®^. He who can do ®^his has ®^h e whole world w i®^h hi®f. He w ho canno®^ walks a lonely way.”
Andrew Carnegie, ®^he pover®^y-s®^ricken Sco®^ch lad who s®^ar®^ed
®^o work a®^ ®^wo cen®^s an hour a n d finally gave away $365 ®fillion,
learned early in life ®^ha®^ ®^h e only way ®^o influence people is ®^o ®^alk in ®^er®fs o f w ha®^ ®^he o ®^her person wan®^s. H e a®^®^ended school only four years; ye®^ he learned how ®^o handle people. To illus®^ra®^e: His sis®^er-in-law was worried sick over her ®^wo
boys. They w ere a®^ Yale, and ®^h e y were so bu sy wi®^h ®^heir own
affairs ®^ha®^ ®^hey neglec®^ed ®^o w ri®^e ho®fe and p a id no a®^®^en®^ion
wha®^ever ®^o ®^h e ir ®fo®^her’s fran®^ic le®^®^ers. Then Carnegie offered ®^o w ager a hundred dollars ®^ha®^ he could
ge®^ an answer by re®^urn ®fail, w i®^hou®^ even asking for i®^. So®feone
called his be®^; so h e wro®^e his nephews a cha®^®^y le ®^®^e r, ®fen®^ioning
casually in a pos®^scrip®^ ®^ha®^ he was sending each one a five-dollar
bill. He neglec®^ed, however, ®^o enclose ®^he ®foney.
Back ca®fe replies by re ®^u rn ®fail ®^hanking “ D e a r Uncle A n
drew” for his kind no®^e and—you can finish ®^h e sen®^ence yourself.
Ano®^her exa®fple of persuading co®fes fro®f S®^an Novak o f
Cleveland, Ohio, a par®^icipan®^ in our course. S®^an ca®fe h o ®f e
fro®f work one evening ®^o find his younges®^ son, Ti®f, kicking a n d
screa®fing on ®^h e living roo®f floor. He was ®^o s®^a r®^ kindergar®^en
®^he nex®^ day a n d was pro®^es®^ing ®^ha®^ he w ould no®^ go. S®^an’s nor®fal reac®^ion would have b e e n ®^o banish ®^h e child ®^o his roo®f
and ®^ell hi®f h e ’d jus®^ be®^®^er ®fake up his ®f ind ®^ o go. He had n o
choice. Bu®^ ®^onigh®^, recognizing ®^ha®^ ®^his w ould no®^ really h e lp
Ti®f s®^ar®^ kindergar®^en in ®^h e b e s ®^ fra®fe of ®f ind, S®^an sa®^ down and ®^hough®^, " I f I were Ti®f, why would I be exci®^ed abou®^ going
®^o kindergar®^en?” H e and his wife ®fade a fis®^ o f all ®^he fun ®^hings
Ti®f would do such as finger pain®^ing, singing songs, ®faking n e w friends. Then ®^h e y pu®^ ®^he®f in ®^o ac®^ion. “W e all s®^ar®^ed finger-
pain®^ing on ®^h e ki®^chen ®^able— ®fy wife, Lil, ®f y o®^her son Bob,
3 2 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
and ®fyself, all having fun. Soon Ti®f was peeping around ®^he
co®f er. Nex®^ he was begging ®^o par®^icipa®^e. ‘Oh, no! You have ®^o go ®^o kindergar®^en firs®^ ®^o learn how ®^o finger-pain®^.’ Wi®^h all ®^h e
en®^husias®f I could ®fus®^er I w en ®^ ®^hrough ®^he lis®^ ®^alking in ®^er®fs
h e could unders®^and—®^elling h i®f all ®^he fun h e would have in
kindergar®^en. T h e nex®^ ®forning, I ®^hough®^ I was ®^h e firs®^ one up.
I w en®^ downs®^airs and found Ti®f si®^®^ing sound asleep in ®^he living
roo®f chair. "Wha®^ are you doing here?’ I asked. ‘I ’®f wai®^ing ®^o
go ®^o kindergar®^en. I don’®^ wan®^ ®^o b e la®^e.’ The en®^husias®f of our en ®^ire fa®fily had aroused in Ti®f an eager wan®^ ®^h a ®^ no a®foun®^ o f
discussion or ®^h re a ®^ could have possibly acco®fplished.”
To®forrow you ®fay wan®^ ®^o persuade so®febody ®^o do so®fe
®^hing. Before you speak, pause a n d ask yourself: “How can I ®fake
®^his person wan®^ ®^o do i®^?” Tha®^ ques®^ion will s®^op us fro®f rushing in®^o a si®^ua®^ion heed
lessly, wi®^h fu®^ile cha®^®^er abou®^ o u r desires.
A®^ one ®^i®fe I ren ®^e d ®^he grand ballroo®f of a cer®^ain New York
ho®^el for ®^wen®^y nigh®^s in each season in order ®^o hold a series
o f lec®^ures. A®^ ®^he beginning of one season, I was suddenly infor®fed ®^ha®^
I should have ®^o pay al®fos®^ ®^h re e ®^i®fes as ®fuch re n ®^ as for®ferly.
This news reached ®fe af®^er ®^ h e ®^icke®^s had b e e n prin®^ed and
dis®^ribu®^ed and all announce®fen®^s had been ®fade. Na®^urally, I d id n ’®^ wan®^ ®^o pay ®^h e increase, b u ®^ wha®^ was ®^h e
use o f ®^alking ®^o ®^h e ho®^el abou®^ w ha®^ I wan®^ed? They were in®^er
es®^e d only in w ha®^ ®^hey wan®^ed. So a couple o f days la®^er I wen®^
®^o see ®^he ®fanager.
“I was a bi®^ shocked when I go®^ your le ®^®^er,” I said, “bu®^ I
d on’®^ bla®fe you a®^ all. If I h ad b e e n in your posi®^ion, I should
probably have w ri®^®^en a si®filar le ®^®^e r ®fyself. Your du®^y as ®^h e ®fanager of ®^h e ho®^el is ®^o ®fake all ®^he profi®^ possible. If you
d o n ’®^ do ®^ha®^, you will be fired a n d you ough®^ ®^o b e fired. Now,
le ®^’s ®^ake a piece o f paper and w ri®^e down ®^he advan®^ages and ®^h e disadvan®^ages ®^h a ®^ will accrue ®^o you, if you insis®^ on ®^his increase
in ren®^.”
T h en I ®^ook a le®^®^erhead and ra n a line ®^hrough ®^h e cen®^er and
3 3 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
headed one colu®fn “Advan®^ages” and ®^he o®^her colu®fn “Disadvan®^ages.” I w ro®^e down under ®^h e head “Advan®^ages” ®^hese words: “ Ball
roo®f free.” Then I w en®^ on ®^o say: “You will have ®^he advan®^age
of having ®^he ballroo®f free ®^o ren®^ for dances and conven®^ions.
Tha®^ is a big advan®^age, for affairs like ®^ha®^ will pay you ®fuch ®fore ®^h a n you can ge®^ for a series o f lec®^ures. If I ®^ie your ballroo®f u p for ®^wen®^y nigh®^s during ®^h e course of ®^he season, i®^ is
sure ®^o ®fean a loss of so®fe very profi®^able business ®^o you. “Now, le®^’s consider ®^h e disadvan®^ages. Firs®^, ins®^ead o f increas
ing your inco®fe fro®f ®fe, you are going ®^o decrease i®^. In fac®^,
you are going ®^o wipe i®^ o u ®^ because I canno®^ pay ®^he re n ®^ you are
asking. I shall be forced ®^o hold ®^hese lec®^ures a®^ so®fe o ®^h e r place. “T h e re ’s ano®^her disadvan®^age ®^o you also. These lec®^ures a®^®^rac®^
crowds o f educa®^ed and cul®^ured p eo p le ®^o your ho®^el. Tha®^ is
good adver®^ising for you, isn’®^ i®^? In fac®^, if you spen®^ five ®^housand dollars adver®^ising in ®^h e newspapers, you couldn’®^ bring as ®fany
people ®^o look a®^ your ho®^el as I can b rin g by ®^hese lec®^ures. Tha®^ is w or®^h a lo®^ ®^o a ho®^el, isn’®^ i®^?” As I ®^alked, I wro®^e ®^h e se ®^wo “disadvan®^ages” under ®^h e proper
heading, and handed ®^h e shee®^ of p a p e r ®^o ®^he ®fanager, saying:
“I wish you would carefully consider bo®^h ®^he advan®^ages and
disadvan®^ages ®^ha®^ are going ®^o accrue ®^o you and ®^h e n give ®fe
your final decision.”
I received a le®^®^er ®^h e nex®^ day, infor®fing ®fe ®^ha®^ ®fy ren®^
would b e increased only 50 percen®^ ins®^ead of 300 percen®^.
M ind you, I go®^ ®^his reduc®^ion w i®^hou®^ saying a w ord abou®^
wha®^ I wan®^ed. I ®^alked all ®^he ®^i®fe abou®^ wha®^ ®^he o ®^h e r person
w an®^ed and how he could ge®^ i®^. Suppose I had done ®^h e hu®fan, na®^ural ®^hing; suppose I had
s®^or®f ed in®^o his office and said, “W ha®^ do you ®fean by raising ®fy re n ®^ ®^hree hundred percen®^ when you know ®^he ®^icke®^s have
b een prin®^ed and ®^h e announce®fen®^s ®f ade? Three h u n d re d per
cen®^! Ridiculous! Absurd! I won’®^ pay i®^!” W ha®^ would have happened ®^hen? An argu®fen®^ w ould have
begun ®^o s®^ea®f and boil and spu®^®^er—and you know how argu
3 4 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
®fen®^s end. Even i f I had convinced hi®f ®^ha®^ he was wrong, his
pride would have ®f ade i®^ difficul®^ for hi®f ®^o back down and
give in. H e re is one of ®^h e bes®^ bi®^s o f advice ever given abou®^ ®^he fine
ar®^ o f hu®fan rela®^ionships. “If ®^h e re is any one se c re ®^ o f success,”
said H enry Ford, “i®^ lies in ®^he abili®^y ®^o ge®^ ®^h e o ®^h e r person’s
poin®^ o f view and see ®^hings fro®f ®^h a ®^ person’s angle as well as fro®f your own.”
T ha®^ is so good, I wan®^ ®^o repea®^ i®^: " I f there is a n \f one secret
o f success, it lies in th e abilit\f to g e t the other p e rso n ’s point o f
view a nd see things fr o \b that p erso n ’s angle as well as fro \b
\four ow n.”
T h a®^ is so si®fple, so obvious, ®^h a ®^ anyone o u g h ®^ ®^o see ®^he
®^ru®^h o f i®^ a®^ a glance; ye®^ 90 p e rc e n ®^ of ®^he people on ®^his ear®^h
ignore i®^ 90 percen®^ o f ®^he ®^i®fe.
An exa®fple? Look a®^ ®^he le®^®^ers ®^ha®^ co®fe across your desk
®^o®forrow ®forning, and you will find ®^ha®^ ®fos®^ o f ®^he®f viola®^e
®^his i®fpor®^an®^ canon o f co®f®fon sense. Take ®^his one, a le®^®^er
w ri®^®^en by ®^he h e a d o f ®^he radio depar®^®fen®^ o f a n adver®^ising
agency wi®^h offices sca®^®^ered across ®^h e con®^inen®^. This le®^®^er was
sen®^ ®^o ®^he ®fanagers o f local radio s®^a®^ions ®^hroughou®^ ®^he coun
®^ry. (I have se®^ down, in bracke®^s, ®f y reac®^ions ®^o e a c h paragraph.)
Mr. John Blank,
Blankville, Indiana
D e a r Mr. Blank: The-------- co\b pan\f desires to retain its position in adver
t
ising agenc\f leadership in the radio field.
[Who cares wha®^ y o u r co®fpany desires? I a®f w o rried abou®^ ®fy
own proble®fs. The bank is foreclosing ®^he ®for®^gage on ®fy house,
®^he bugs are des®^roying ®^he hollyhocks, ®^he s®^ock ®f a rk e ®^ ®^u®fbled
yes®^erday. I ®fissed ®^h e eigh®^-fif®^een ®^his ®forning, I w asn’®^ invi®^ed
®^o ®^h e Jones’s dance las®^ nigh®^, ®^h e doc®^or ®^ells ®f e I have high
3 5 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
blood pressure and neuri®^is and dandruff. And ®^h e n w ha®^ hap
pens? I co®fe down ®^o ®^h e office ®^his ®forning worried, open ®fy ®fail a n d here is so®f e li®^®^le whippersnapper off in N ew York
yapping abou®^ wha®^ his co®fpany wan®^s. Bah! If he only realized
wha®^ sor®^ of i®fpression his le®^®^er ®fakes, he would g e®^ o u ®^ of ®^he adver®^ising business a n d s®^ar®^ ®fanufac®^uring sheep dip.]
This agenc\f’s national advertising accounts were th e bulwark
o f th e network. O u r subsequent clearances o f station ti\be
have kept us at th e top o f agencies \f e a r after \fear.
[You are big and rich and righ®^ a®^ ®^h e ®^op, are you? So wha®^? I
don’®^ give ®^wo whoops in Hades if y ou are as big as General Mo®^ors and General Elec®^ric and ®^h e General S®^aff o f ®^he U.S.
Ar®fy all co®fbined. I f you had as ®f u c h sense as a half-wi®^®^ed hu®f®fingbird, you w ould realize ®^h a ®^ I a®f in®^eres®^ed in how big I a®f— no®^ how big you are. All ®^his ®^alk abou®^ y our enor®fous
success ®fakes ®fe feel s®fall and uni®fpor®^an®^.]
W e desire to service o u r accounts w it h the last w o rd on radio
station infor\bation.
[You desire! You desire. You un®f i®^iga®^ed ass. I’®f n o ®^ in®^eres®^ed
in w ha®^ you desire o r wha®^ ®^he P resid en ®^ of ®^he U n i®^e d S®^a®^es
desires. Le®^ ®fe ®^ell you once and for all ®^ha®^ I a®f in®^eres®^ed in
wha®^ I desire—and you haven’®^ said a word abou®^ ®^h a ®^ ye®^ in ®^his
absurd le®^®^er of yours.]
W ill \fou, therefore, p u t the-------- co\b pan\f on \f o u r preferred
l
ist f o r weekl\f station infor\bation— ever\f single detail that
w ill be useful to an agenc\f in intelligentl\f booking ti\be.
[“P referred lis®^.” You have your nerve! You ®fake ®f e feel insig
nifican®^ by your big ®^alk abou®^ your co®fpany—and ®^h e n you ask
®fe ®^o p u ®^ you on a “preferred” lis®^, and you d o n ’®^ even say “p lease” when you ask i®^.]
3 6 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
A pro\bpt acknowledg\bent o f this letter, giving us \four latest
“doings,” w ill be \butuall\f helpful.
[You fool! You ®fail ®fe a c h e a p for®f le®^®^er— a le®^®^er sca®^®^ered
far and wide like ®^he au®^u®fn leaves—and you have ®^he gall ®^o
ask ®fe, when I a®f worried a b o u ®^ ®^he ®for®^gage and ®^he hollyhocks
and ®fy blood pressure, ®^o si®^ down and d ic®^a®^e a personal no®^e
acknowledging your for®f le ®^®^e r —and you ask ®fe ®^o do i®^ “pro®fp®^ly.” W h a®^ do you ®f e an , “pro®fp®^ly” ? D on’®^ you know I
a®f jus®^ as busy as you are— or, a®^ leas®^, I like ®^o ®^hink I a®f. And
while we are on ®^he subjec®^, who gave you ®^h e lordly righ®^ ®^o o rd er ®fe around? . . . You say i®^ will be “®fu®^ually helpful.” A®^
las®^, a®^ las®^, you have begun ®^o see ®fy viewpoin®^. Bu®^ you are
vague abou®^ ho w i®^ will be ®^o ®fy advan®^age.]
Very ®^ruly yours,
John DoeManager, Radio Depar®^®fen®^
P. S. The enclosed reprint fr o \b the BlankviUe Journal will
be o f interest to \fou, and \fou \ba\f want to broadcast it over
\four station.
[Finally, down here in ®^he pos®^scrip®^, you ®fen®^ion so®fe®^hing ®^ha®^
®fay help ®fe solve one of ®fy proble®fs. Why didn’®^ you begin your
le®^®^er wi®^h—b u ®^ wha®^’s ®^he use? Any adver®^ising ®fan who is guil®^y
o f perpe®^ra®^ing such drivel as you have sen®^ ®fe has so®fe®^hing wrong
wi®^h his ®fedulla oblonga®^a. You don’®^ need a le ®^®^e r giving our la®^es®^ doings. Wha®^ you need is a q u a r®^ of iodine in your ®^hyroid gland.]
Now, if p eo p le who devo®^e ®^h e ir lives ®^o adver®^ising and who
pose as exper®^s in ®^he ar®^ o f influencing p eo p le ®^o buy—if ®^h e y
w ri®^e a le®^®^er like ®^ha®^, wha®^ c a n we expec®^ fro®f ®^he bu®^cher and baker or ®^he au ®^o ®fechanic?
Here is an o ®^h e r le®^®^er, w ri®^®^en by ®^he superin®^enden®^ of a large
freigh®^ ®^er®f inal ®^o a s®^uden®^ o f ®^his course, Edward Ver®fylen.
3 7 How
to W in F \bien d \f and In fluence People
Wha®^ effec®^ did ®^his le ®^®^e r have on ®^h e ®f an ®^o who®f i®^ was addressed? Read i®^ and ®^h e n I ’ll ®^ell you.
A. Zerega’s Sons, Inc.28 F ro n ®^ S®^. Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201
A®^®^en®^ion: Mr. Edward Ver®fylen
Gen®^le®fen: The opera®^ions a®^ our ou®^bound-rail-receiving s®^a®^ion are
handicapped because a ®fa®^erial percen®^age of ®^he ®^o®^al b u si
ness is delivered us in ®^h e la®^e af®^ernoon. This condi®^ion r e sul®^s in conges®^ion, over®^i®fe on ®^he p a r®^ o f our forces, delays
®^o ®^rucks, and in so®fe cases delays ®^o freigh®^. On Nove®fber 10, we received fro®f your co®fpany a lo®^ o f 510 pieces, w hich
reached here a®^ 4:20 p .®f .
We solici®^ your coopera®^ion ®^oward overco®fing ®^he undesir
able effec®^s arising fro®f la®^e receip®^ of freigh®^. May we ask ®^ha®^,
on days on which you ship ®^he volu®fe which was received on
®^he above da®^e, effor®^ be ®fade ei®^her ®^o ge®^ ®^he ®^ruck h e re earlier or ®^o deliver us par®^ of ®^he freigh®^ during ®^he ®forning?
The advan®^age ®^ha®^ w ould accrue ®^o you under such an
arrange®f en®^ would be ®^h a ®^ of ®fore expedi®^ious discharge o f
your ®^rucks and ®^he assurance ®^ha®^ your business would go
forward on ®^he da®^e o f i®^s receip®^. Very ®^ruly yours,
J------ B----- , Sup®^.
A
f®^er reading ®^his le®^®^er, Mr. Ver®fylen, sales ®fanager fo r A.
Zerega’s Sons, Inc., sen®^ i®^ ®^o ®fe wi®^h ®^h e following co®f®fen®^:
This le ®^®^e r had ®^he reverse effec®^ fro®f ®^ha®^ which was
in®^ended. The le®^®^er begins by describing ®^h e Ter®final’s d if ficul®^ies, in which we are no®^ in®^eres®^ed, generally speaking.
O ur coopera®^ion is ®^h e n reques®^ed w i®^hou®^ any ®^hough®^ as ®^o
w he®^her i®^ would inconvenience us, a n d ®^hen, finally, in ®^h e
3 8 las®^ paragraph, ®^h e fac®^ is ®f en®^ioned ®^ha®^ if we do coopera®^e
i®^ will ®fean ®f ore expedi®^ious discharge of our ®^rucks wi®^h
®^h e assurance ®^h a ®^ o u r freigh®^ will go forward on ®^h e da®^e of
i®^s receip®^. In o®^her words, ®^ha®^ in which w e are ®fos®^ in®^eres®^ed is
®f en®^ioned las®^ a n d ®^h e whole effec®^ is one of raising a spiri®^
o f an®^agonis®f r a ®^h e r ®^han of coopera®^ion.
L e®^’s see if we can ’®^ rewri®^e and i®fprove ®^his le ®^®^er. Le®^’s no®^
was®^e any ®^i®fe ®^alking abou®^ our proble®fs. As H e n ry Ford ad
®fonishes, le®^’s “ge®^ ®^h e o®^her person’s poin®^ of view a n d see ®^hings
fro®f his or her angle, as well as fro®f our own.”
H e re is one way o f revising ®^he le ®^®^er. I®^ ®fay n o ®^ b e ®^he bes®^
way, b u ®^ isn’®^ i®^ an i®fprove®fen®^?
Mr. Edward Ver®fylen
c/o A. Zerega’s Sons, Inc. 28 F ro n ®^ S®^. Brooklyn, N.Y. 11201
D e a r Mr. Ver®fylen:
Your co®fpany has been one o f our good cus®^o®f ers for
four®^een years. Na®^urally, we are very gra®^eful for your pa®^
ronage and are eag e r ®^o give you ®^h e speedy, efficien®^ service
you deserve. However, we regre®^ ®^o say ®^ha®^ i®^ isn’®^ possible
for us ®^o do ®^ha®^ w hen your ®^rucks bring us a large ship®fen®^
la®^e in ®^he af®^ernoon, as ®^hey d id on Nove®fber 10. Why? Because ®fany o ®^h e r cus®^o®fers ®f ake la®^e af®^ernoon deliveries
also. Na®^urally, ®^h a ®^ causes conges®^ion. Tha®^ ®f eans your
®^rupks are held u p unavoidably a ®^ ®^he pier and so®fe®^i®fes
even your freigh®^ is delayed. T h a®^’s bad, b u ®^ i®^ can be avoided. I f you ®fake your deliver
ies a®^ ®^he pier in ®^h e ®forning w hen possible, your ®^rucks
will be able ®^o keep ®foving, your freigh®^ will ge®^ i®f®fedia®^e
a®^®^en®^ion, and o u r workers will g e ®^ ho®fe early a®^ nigh®^ ®^o Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
3 9 How
t o W in F \biend\f and Influence Peo p l e
enjoy a dinner o f ®^h e delicious ®facaroni and noodles ®^ha®^
you ®fanufac®^ure. Regardless o f w hen your ship®f en®^s arrive, we shall always
cheerfully do all in our power ®^o serve you pro®fp®^ly. You are busy. Please don’®^ ®^ro u b le ®^o answer ®^his no®^e. Yours ®^ruly,
J----- B------ , Sup®^.
B
arbara Anderson, who worked in a bank in New York, desired
®^o ®fove ®^o Phoenix, Arizona, because of ®^he heal®^h o f her son.
Using ®^h e principles she had learned in our course, she wro®^e ®^he
following le®^®^er ®^o ®^welve banks in Phoenix:
D e a r Sir:My ®^en years o f bank experience should be o f in®^eres®^ ®^o
a rapidly growing bank like yours. I n various capaci®^ies in bank opera®^ions wi®^h ®^h e Bankers
T ru s®^ Co®fpany in New York, le ad in g ®^o ®fy p re s e n ®^ assign ®f e n ®^ as Branch Manager, I have acquired skills in all phases
o f banking including deposi®^or rela®^ions, credi®^s, loans and
ad®finis®^ra®^ion.
I will be reloca®^ing ®^o Phoenix in May and I a®f sure I can
con®^ribu®^e ®^o your grow®^h and profi®^. I will be in Phoenix ®^he
w eek of April 3 and would apprecia®^e ®^he oppor®^uni®^y ®^o
show you how I can help your b a n k ®fee®^ i®^s goals.
Sincerely,Barbara L. Anderson
D o you ®^hink Mrs. Anderson received any response fro®f ®^ha®^
le ®^®^e r? Eleven o f ®^h e ®^welve banks invi®^ed her ®^o b e in®^erviewed, and she had a choice o f which bank’s offer ®^o accep®^. Why? Mrs.
Anderson did no®^ s®^a®^e wha®^ she w an®^ed, bu®^ w ro®^e in ®^he le®^®^er
how she could h e lp ®^he®f, and focused on their wan®^s, no®^ her
own.
Thousands of salespeople are pou n d in g ®^he pave®f en®^s ®^oday,
®^ired, discouraged a n d underpaid. W hy? Because ®^h e y are always
4 0 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
®^hinking only o f wha®^ ®^hey wan®^. They don’®^ realize ®^ha®^ nei®^her
you nor I wan®^ ®^o buy any®^hing. I f we did, we would go ou®^ and buy i®^. Bu®^ bo®^h o f us are e®^ernally in®^eres®^ed in solving our prob
le®fs. And if salespeople can shpw us how ®^h e ir services or ®f er
chandise will h e lp us solve o u r proble®fs, ®^hey won’®^ need ®^o sell
us. We’ll buy. And cus®^o®fers like ®^o feel ®^ha®^ ®^hey are buying— no®^ being sold.
Ye®^ ®fany salespeople spend a life®^i®fe in selling wi®^hou®^ seeing
®^hings fro®f ®^h e cus®^o®fer’s angle. For exa®fple, for ®fany years I
lived in Fores®^ Hills, a li®^®^le co®f®funi®^y of priva®^e ho®fes in ®^h e
cen®^er of G rea®^e r New York. O ne day as I was rushing ®^o ®^h e
s®^a®^ion, I chanced ®^o ®fee®^ a real-es®^a®^e opera®^or who had bough®^
and sold proper®^y in ®^ha®^ area for ®fany years. H e knew Fores®^
Hills well, so I hurriedly asked hi®f whe®^her o r no®^ ®fy s®^ucco
house was buil®^ wi®^h ®fe®^al la®^h or hollow ®^ile. H e said he didn’®^
know and ®^old ®fe wha®^ I already knew—®^ha®^ I could find ou®^ by
calling ®^he F o re s®^ Hills Garden Associa®^ion. T h e following ®f orn
ing, I received a le®^®^er fro®f hi®f. Did he give ®f e ®^h e infor®fa®^ion
I wan®^ed? H e could have go®^®^en i®^ in six®^y seconds by a ®^elephone
call. Bu®^ he d id n ’®^. He ®^old ®f e again ®^ha®^ I could ge®^ i®^ by ®^e le
phoning, and ®^h e n asked ®fe ®^o le®^ hi®f handle ®fy insurance. He was no®^ in®^eres®^ed in helping ®fe. He was in®^eres®^ed only
in helping hi®fself.
J. Howard Lucas of Bir®fingha®f, Alaba®fa, ®^ells how ®^wo sales
people fro®f ®^h e sa®fe co®fpany handled ®^he sa®fe ®^ype of si®^ua ®^ion. He repor®^ed:
“Several years ago I was on ®^h e ®fanage®fen®^ ®^ea®f of a s®fall
co®fpany. H eadquar®^ered near us was ®^he dis®^ric®^ office of a large
insurance co®fpany. Their agen®^s were assigned ®^erri®^ories, and
o u r co®fpany was assigned ®^o ®^wo agen®^s, who®f I shall refer ®^o as Carl and John.
“One ®forning, Carl dropped by our office and casually ®f en
®^ioned ®^ha®^ his co®fpany had ju s ®^ in®^roduced a new life insurance
policy for execu®^ives and ®^hough®^ we ®figh®^ be in®^eres®^ed la®^er on and he would g e ®^ back ®^o us w hen he had ®fore infor®fa®^ion on i®^.
“The sa®fe day, John saw us on ®^he sidewalk while re®^urning
4 1 How
to W in F \b iend\f and Influence People
fro®f a coffee break, and h e shou®^ed: ‘H ey Luke, hold up, I have so®fe grea®^ news for you fellows.’ He h u rrie d over and very exci®^
edly ®^old us abou®^ an execu®^ive life insurance policy his co®fpany
had in®^roduced ®^ha®^ very day. (I®^ was ®^h e sa®fe policy ®^h a ®^ Carl
had casually ®fen®^ioned.) H e wan®^ed us ®^o have one o f ®^h e firs®^
issued. H e gave us a few i®fpor®^an®^ fac®^s abou®^ ®^he coverage and ended saying, ‘The policy is so new, I ’®f going ®^o have so®feone
fro®f ®^h e ho®fe office co®f e ou®^ ®^o®forrow and explain i®^. Now, in
®^he ®fean®^i®fe, le®^’s ge®^ ®^h e applica®^ions signed and on ®^h e way so
he can have ®fore infor®fa®^ion ®^o work wi®^h.’ His en®^husias®f
aroused in us an eager w an®^ for ®^his policy even ®^hough w e s®^ill
did no®^ have de®^ails. W h en ®^hey were ®f ade available ®^o us, ®^hey
confir®fed John’s ini®^ial unders®^anding o f ®^h e policy, and h e no®^ only sold each of us a policy, bu®^ la®^er doubled our coverage. “Carl could have had ®^hose sales, b u ®^ he ®fade, no effor®^ ®^o
arouse in us any desire for ®^he policies.” The world is full of people who are grabbing and self-seeking.
So ®^he rare individual who unselfishly ®^ries ®^o serve o®^hers has an
enor®fous advan®^age. H e has li®^®^le co®fpe®^i®^ion. Owen D. Young,
a no®^ed lawyer and one o f A®ferica’s grea®^ business leaders, once said: “People who can p u ®^ ®^he®fselves in ®^h e place of o ®^h e r people,
who can unders®^and ®^h e workings o f ®^h e ir ®finds, n e e d never
worry abou®^ wha®^ ®^he fu ®^u re has in s®^ore for ®^he®f.” I f ou®^ o f reading ®^his book you ge®^ ju s®^ one ®^hing—an increased
®^endency ®^o ®^hink always in ®^er®fs of o ®^h e r people’s poin®^ o f view, and see ®^hings fro®f ®^h e ir angle—if you ge®^ ®^ha®^ one ®^hing ou®^ of
®^his book, i®^ ®fay easily prove ®^o be one o f ®^he building blocks of
your career. Looking a®^ ®^he o®^her person’s poin®^ o f view and arousing in
hi®f an eager wan®^ for so®fe®^hing is no®^ ®^o be cons®^rued as ®fanip ula®^ing ®^h a ®^ person so ®^h a ®^ he will do so®fe®^hing ®^ha®^ is only for
your benefi®^ and his de®^ri®f en®^. Each p ar®^y should gain fro®f ®^he nego®^ia®^ion. In ®^he le®^®^ers ®^o Mr. Ver®fylen, bo®^h ®^he se n d e r and
®^he receiver of ®^he correspondence gained by i®f ple®fen®^ing wha®^
was sugges®^ed. Bo®^h ®^h e bank and Mrs. Anderson won by her le®^®^er in ®^ha®^ ®^he bank ob®^ained a valuable e®fployee and Mrs.
42 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
Anderson a sui®^able job. And in ®^he exa®fple o f John’s sale o f
insurance ®^o Mr. Lucas, bo®^h gained ®^hrough ®^his ®^ransac®^ion. Ano®^her exa®fple in which everybody gains ®^hrough ®^his princi
p le of arousing an eager wan®^ co®fes fro®f Michael E. W hidden o f Warwick, R hode Island, w ho is a ®^erri®^ory sales®fan for ®^h e Shell Oil Co®fpany. Mike w an ®^ed ®^o beco®fe ®^h e Nu®fber O n e
salesperson in his dis®^ric®^, bu®^ o n e service s®^a®^ion was holding hi®f
back. I®^ was ru n by an older ®f a n who could n o ®^ be ®fo®^iva®^ed ®^o clean up his s®^a®^ion. I®^ was in such poor shape ®^ha®^ sales w ere
declining significandy.
This ®fanager would no®^ lis®^en ®^o any of Mike’s pleas ®^o upgrade
®^h e s®^a®^ion. Af®^er ®fany exhor®^a®^ions and hear®^-®^o-hear®^ ®^alks— all
o f which had no i®fpac®^—Mike decided ®^o invi®^e ®^he ®fanager ®^o
visi®^ ®^he newes®^ Shell s®^a®^ion in his ®^erri®^ory.
The ®fanager was so i®f pressed by ®^he facili®^ies a®^ ®^he new
s®^a®^ion ®^ha®^ w hen Mike visi®^ed h i®f ®^he nex®^ ®^i®f e , his s®^a®^ion was
cleaned up and h ad recorded a sales increase. This enabled Mike
®^o reach ®^he N u ®f b er One spo®^ in his dis®^ric®^. All his ®^alking a n d discussion hadn’®^ helped, bu®^ by arousing an eager wan®^ in ®^h e
®fanager, by showing hi®f ®^h e ®f ode®f s®^a®^ion, he had acco®f
plished his goal, and bo®^h ®^he ®fanager and M ike benefi®^ed. Mos®^ people go ®^hrough college and learn ®^o read Virgil and ®fas
®^e r ®^he ®fys®^eries o f calculus wi®^hou®^ ever discovering how ®^heir own
®finds func®^ion. F o r ins®^ance: I once gave a course in Effec®^ive Speaking for ®^h e young college gradua®^es who w ere en®^ering ®^h e
e®fploy of ®^he C arrier Corpora®^ion, ®^he large air-condi®^ioner ®f an
ufac®^urer. One o f ®^he par®^icipan®^s wan®^ed ®^o persuade ®^he o®^hers
®^o play baske®^ball in ®^heir free ®^i®fe, and ®^his is abou®^ wha®^ h e
said: “I wan®^ you ®^o co®fe ou®^ a n d play baske®^ball. I like ®^o play
baske®^ball, bu®^ ®^h e las®^ few ®^i®f es I ’ve been ®^o ®^he gy®fnasiu®f
®^h e re haven’®^ b e e n enough people ®^o ge®^ up a ga®fe. Two or ®^h re e
o f us go®^ ®^o ®^hrowing ®^he ball around ®^he o ®^h e r nigh®^—and I go®^ a black eye. I wish all of you w ould co®fe down ®^o®forrow nigh®^.
I wan®^ ®^o play baske®^ball.”
D id he ®^alk abou®^ any®^hing you wan®^? You d o n ’®^ wan®^ ®^o go ®^o
4 3 How
to W in F \b ie n d \f and Influence People
a gy®fnasiu®f ®^ha®^ no one else goes ®^o, do you? You d on’®^ care abou®^ wha®^ h e wan®^s. You d o n ’®^ wan®^ ®^o g e ®^ a black eye. Could h e have shown you how ®^o ge®^ ®^h e ®^hings you w an ®^ by
using ®^h e gy®fnasiu®f? Surely. More pep. Keener edge ®^o ®^he
appe®^i®^e. C learer brain. F u n . Ga®fes. Baske®^ball. To rep ea ®^ Professor O vers®^ree®^’s wise advice: First, arouse in
the other person an eager w ant. He who can do this has the whole
world w ith hi\b. He who cannot walks a lonel\f wa\f.
One o f ®^h e s®^uden®^s in ®^h e au®^hor’s ®^raining course was worried
abou®^ his li®^®^le boy. The child was underweigh®^ and refu sed ®^o
ea®^ properly. His paren®^s u sed ®^he usual ®fe®^hod. They scolded
and nagged. “Mo®^her wan®^s you ®^o ea®^ ®^his and ®^ha®^.” “F a ®^h e r
wan®^s you ®^o grow up ®^o b e a big ®fan.” Did ®^h e boy pay any a®^®^en®^ion ®^o ®^h e se pleas? Jus®^ a b o u ®^ as
®fuch as you pay ®^o one fleck of sand on a sandy beach.
No one wi®^h a ®^race o f horse sense w ould expec®^ a child ®^hree
years old ®^o reac®^ ®^o ®^he viewpoin®^ of a fa ®^h e r ®^hir®^y years old. Ye®^ ®^ha®^ was precisely wha®^ ®^h a ®^ fa®^her had expec®^ed. I®^ was absurd. He finally saw ®^ha®^. So h e said ®^o hi®fself: “Wha®^ does ®^h a ®^ boy
wan®^? H ow can I ®^ie up w h a®^ I wan®^ ®^o w ha®^ he wan®^s?” I®^ was easy for ®^he fa ®^h e r when he s®^a r®^e d ®^hinking ab o u ®^ i®^.
His boy h ad a ®^ricycle ®^h a ®^ he loved ®^o ride up and down ®^he
sidewalk in fron®^ of ®^he house in Brooklyn. A few doors dow n ®^he s®^ree®^ lived a bully—a bigger boy who w ould pull ®^he li®^®^le boy
off his ®^ricycle and ride i®^ hi®fself. Na®^urally, ®^he li®^®^le boy would run screa®fing ®^o his ®fo®^her,
and she would have ®^o co®f e ou®^ and ®^ake ®^h e bully off ®^h e ®^ricycle
and pu®^ h e r li®^®^le boy on again. This h a p p e n e d al®fos®^ every day. Wha®^ d id ®^he li®^®^le boy w an®^? I®^ didn’®^ ®^ake a Sherlock Hol®fes
®^o answer ®^ha®^ one. His p ride, his anger, his desire for a feeling of i®f por®^ance—all ®^he s®^ronges®^ e®fo®^ions in his ®fakeup— goaded
hi®f ®^o ge®^ revenge, ®^o s®fash ®^he bully in ®^h e nose. And w h e n his
fa®^her explained ®^ha®^ ®^he b oy would be able ®^o wallop ®^he dayligh®^s
ou®^ o f ®^h e bigger kid so®f eday if he would only ea®^ ®^he ®^hings his
®fo®^her w an®^ed hi®f ®^o e a ®^— when his fa ®^h e r pro®fised hi®f ®^ha®^—
®^here was no longer any proble®f of die®^e®^ics. Tha®^ boy would
44 Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
have ea®^en spinach, sauerkrau®^, sal®^ ®fackerel—any®^hing in order ®^o be big enough ®^o whip ®^he bully who had hu®filia®^ed hi®f so of®^en. Af®^er solving ®^h a ®^ proble®f, ®^h e paren®^s ®^ackled ano®^her: ®^he
li®^®^le boy had ®^he unholy habi®^ o f w e®^®^ing his bed. H e slep®^ wi®^h his grand®fo®^her. In ®^he ®forning, his grand
®f o®^her would wake u p and feel ®^h e shee®^ and say: “ Look, Johnny,
wha®^ you did again las®^ nigh®^.” H e would say: “ No, I didn’®^ do i®^. You did i®^.”Scolding, spanking, sha®fing hi®f , rei®^era®^ing ®^h a ®^ ®^he paren®^s
didn’®^ wan®^ hi®f ®^o do i®^—none o f ®^h e se ®^hings k e p ®^ ®^h e bed dry. So ®^h e paren®^s asked: “How can w e ®fake ®^his boy wan®^ ®^o s®^op
we®^®^ing his bed?” W ha®^ were his wan®^s? Firs®^, h e w an®^ed ®^o w ear paja®fas like
Daddy ins®^ead of wearing a nigh®^gown like Grand®fo®^her. Grand
®f o®^her was ge®^®^ing fed up wi®^h his noc®^urnal iniqui®^ies, so she
gladly offered ®^o b u y hi®f a pair o f paja®fas if h e would refor®f.
Second, he wan®^ed a bed of his own. Grand®fa d id n ’®^ objec®^. His ®fo®^her ®^ook hi®f ®^o a depar®^®f en®^ s®^ore in Brooklyn, winked
a®^ ®^h e salesgirl, and said: “Here is a li®^®^le gen®^le®fan who would
like ®^o do so®fe shopping.”
T he salesgirl ®f ade hi®f feel i®f por®^an®^ by saying: “Young ®fan,
wha®^ can I show you?” H e s®^ood a couple of inches ®^a ller and said: “I w an®^ ®^o buy a
bed for ®fyself.”
W hen he was shown ®^he one his ®fo®^her w an®^ed hi®f ®^o buy,
she winked a®^ ®^he salesgirl and ®^h e boy was persuaded ®^o buy i®^.
T he b ed was delivered ®^he nex®^ day; and ®^ha®^ nigh®^, when Fa
®^h er ca®f e ho®fe, ®^h e li®^®^le boy ran ®^o ®^h e door shou®^ing: “Daddy!
Daddy! Co®fe ups®^airs and see ®fy b e d ®^ha®^ I bough®^!” T h e fa®^her, looking a®^ ®^he bed, obeyed Charles Schwab’s injunc
®^ion: h e was “hear®^y in his approba®^ion and lavish in his praise.” “You are no®^ going ®^o we®^ ®^his b e d , are you?” ®^h e fa®^her said.
“Oh, no, no! I a®f no®^ going ®^o w e®^ ®^his bed.” T he boy kep®^
his pro®fise, for his pride was involved. Tha®^ was his bed. He and
4 5 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
he alone had bough®^ i®^. And he was wearing paja®fas now like a
li®^®^le ®fan. He wan®^ed ®^o ac®^ like a ®fan. And he did. A no®^her fa®^her, K. T. Du®^sch®fann, a ®^elephone engineer, a
s®^uden®^ o f ®^his course, couldn’®^ ge®^ his ®^hree-year-old daugh®^er ®^o
ea®^ breakfas®^ food. T h e usual scolding, pleading, coaxing ®fe®^hods
had all ended in fu®^ili®^y. So ®^he p a re n ®^s asked ®^he®fselves: “How can we ®fake her w an®^ ®^o do i®^?” The li®^®^le girl loved ®^o i®fi®^a®^e her ®fo®^her, ®^o feel big and grown
up; so one ®forning ®^hey pu®^ her on a chair and le®^ h e r ®fake ®^he
breakfas®^ food. A®^ jus®^ ®^h e psychological ®fo®fen®^, Fa®^her drif®^ed in®^o
®^he ki®^chen while she was s®^irring ®^he cereal and she said: “Oh, look,
Daddy, I a®f ®faking ®^h e cereal ®^his ®forning.” She a®^e ®^wo helpings o f ®^he c e re a l wi®^hou®^ any coaxing, be
cause she was in ®^e re s ®^e d in i®^. S he h a d achieved a feeling of
i®f por®^ance; she h ad found in ®f aking ®^h e cereal a n avenue of self-expression. W illia®f W in®^er o n c e re®f arked ®^h a ®^ “self-expression is ®^he
d o ®f in an ®^ necessi®^y o f hu®f an n a ®^ u r e .” Why can’®^ w e adap®^ ®^his
sa®fe psychology ®^o business dealings? When we have a brillian®^
idea, ins®^ead of ®f aking o®^hers ®^h in k i®^ is ours, why n o ®^ le®^ ®^he®f
cook a n d s®^ir ®^he id e a ®^he®fselves. T h e y will ®^h e n re g a rd i®^ as
®^h e ir own; ®^hey will like i®^ and ®f aybe ea®^ a couple o f helpings
o f i®^.
Re®fe®fber: “Firs®^, arouse in ®^h e o ®^h e r person an eager wan®^.
H e who can do ®^his has ®^h e whole w orld wi®^h hi®f. H e w ho canno®^
walks a lonely way.”
P\b in c ip l e 3
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
46 __________ I\f \b Nutshell ___________
\b
UN\fAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN
HAN\fLING PEOPLE
PRINCIPLE 1
\fon’t criticize, condemn or complain.
PRINCIPLE 2
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
PRINCIPLE 3
Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Funda\bental Techniques in Handling People
4 7 P
art Tw \b
si! m w m m . m § s m
Six W a\bs to Ma\fe People
Li\fe You 1
m m m m m m i
\fo This and You’ll Be Welcome
Anywhere
W h y r \f a d t h i s b o o k t o f i n d o u t h o w t o w i n f r i \f n d s ? W h y n o t
s®^udy ®^h e ®^echnique o f ®^h e grea®^es®^ w inner of friends ®^h e world
has ever known? Who is h e? You ®fay ®f e e®^ hi®f ®^o®forrow co®fing
down ®^h e s®^ree®^. W hen you ge®^ wi®^hin ®^e n fee®^ of hi®f, h e will
begin ®^o wag his ®^ail. I f you s®^op and p a ®^ hi®f, he will al®fos®^ ju®fp ou®^ o f his skin ®^o show you how ®f uch he likes you. And you
know ®^h a ®^ behind ®^his show of affec®^ion on his par®^, ®^h e re are no ul®^erior ®fo®^ives: he d oesn’®^ wan®^ ®^o sell you any real es®^a®^e, and
he doesn’®^ wan®^ ®^o ®f arry you.
Did you ever s®^op ®^o ®^hink ®^ha®^ a dog is ®^he only ani®fal ®^ha®^
doesn’®^ have ®^o work for a living? A h e n has ®^o lay eggs, a cow
has ®^o give ®filk, and a canary has ®^o sing. Bu®^ a dog ®fakes his
living by giving you no®^hing bu®^ love.
W h en I was five years old, ®fy fa ®^h e r bough®^ a li®^®^le yellow
haired p u p for fif®^y cen®^s. H e was ®^ h e ligh®^ and jo y o f ®fy childhood. Every a f®^e rn o o n abou®^ four-®^hir®^y, he w ould si®^ in
®^h e fro n ®^ yard wi®^h his beau®^iful eyes s®^aring s®^eadfas®^ly a ®^ ®^he
pa®^h, a n d as soon as h e h e a rd ®fy voice o r saw ®fe swinging ®fy
dinner pail ®^hrough ®^h e buck brush, h e was off like a sho®^,
5 1 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
racing brea®^hlessly up ®^he hill ®^o g re e ®^ ®fe w i®^h leaps of joy and
barks o f sheer ecs®^asy. Tippy was ®fy cons®^an®^ co®fpanion for five years. Then one
®^ragic nigh®^—I shall never forge®^ i®^— he was killed wi®^hin ®^en fee®^
o f ®fy head, killed by ligh®^ning. Tippy’s dea®^h was ®^h e ®^ragedy of ®fy boyhood. You never read a book on psychology, Tippy. You didn’®^ need
®^o. You knew by so®fe divine ins®^inc®^ ®^ha®^ you can ®fake ®fore friends in ®^wo ®fon®^hs by beco®fing genuinely in®^eres®^ed in o®^her
people ®^han you can in ®^wo years by ®^rying ®^o ge®^ o®^her people in®^eres®^ed in you. Le®^ ®fe repea®^ ®^ha®^. You can ®fake ®fore friends
in ®^wo ®fon®^hs by beco®fing in®^eres®^ed in o ®^her people ®^han you
can in ®^wo years by ®^rying ®^o g e®^ o®^her people in®^eres®^ed in you. Ye®^ I know and you know people who b lu n d e r ®^hrough life
®^rying ®^o wigwag o®^her people in ®^o beco®fing in®^eres®^ed in ®^he®f. O f course, i®^ doesn’®^ work. People are no®^ in®^eres®^ed in you.
They are no®^ in®^eres®^ed in ®fe. They are in ®^eres®^ed in ®^he®f selves—®forning, noon and af®^er dinner. The New York Telephone Co®fpany ®fade a de®^ailed s®^udy o f
®^elephone conversa®^ions ®^o find ou®^ which w ord is ®^he ®fos®^ fre
quen®^ly used. You have guessed i®^: i®^ is ®^he personal pronoun “I.” “I.” “I.” I®^ was used 3,900 ®^i®fes in 500 ®^elephone conversa®^ions.
“I.” “I.” “I.” “I.” When you see a group pho®^ograph ®^ha®^ you are in, whose pic
®^u re do you look for firs®^? I f we ®ferely ®^ry ®^o i®fpress people and g e®^ people in®^eres®^ed
in us, we will never have ®fany ®^ru e , sincere friends. Friends, real
friends, are no®^ ®fade ®^ha®^ way. Napoleon ®^ried i®^, and in his las®^ ®fee®^ing wi®^h Josephine he
said: “Josephine, I have been as for®^una®^e as any ®fan ever was on ®^his ear®^h; and ye®^, a®^ ®^his hour, you are ®^h e only person in
®^h e world on who®f I can rely.” And his®^orians d o u b ®^ whe®^her h e
could rely even on her. Alfred Adler, ®^h e fa®fous Viennese psychologis®^, wro®^e a book
en®^i®^led What Life Should Mean to You. In ®^h a ®^ book he says: “I®^
is ®^he individual who is no®^ in ®^eres®^ed in his fellow ®fen who has
5 2 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
®^he grea®^es®^ difficul®^ies in life and provides ®^h e grea®^es®^ injury ®^o
o®^hers. I®^ is fro®f a®fong such individuals ®^h a ®^ all hu®fan failures
spring.” You ®fay read scores o f erudi®^e ®^o®fes on psychology w i®^hou®^
co®fing across a s®^a®^e®fen®^ ®f ore significan®^ for you and for ®fe.
Adler’s s®^a®^e®f en®^ is so rich wi®^h ®feaning ®^ha®^ I a®f going ®^o repea®^ i®^ in i®^alics:
It is th e individual w h o is not interested in his fellow \b en
who has th e greatest difficulties in life a n d provides the great
est injur\f to others. I t is fr o \b a\bong such individuals th a t
all hu\ban failures spring.
I once ®^ook a course in shor®^-s®^oiy wri®^ing a®^ New York U niver
si®^y, and during ®^ha®^ course ®^h e edi®^or of a leading ®fagazine ®^alked
®^o our class. H e said he co u ld pick up any one of ®^he dozens of
s®^ories ®^ha®^ drif®^ed across his desk every day and af®^er read in g a
few paragraphs he could feel whe®^her o r n o ®^ ®^he au®^hor liked
people. “I f ®^h e au®^hor d oesn’®^ like people,” h e said, “people w on’®^
like his or h e r s®^ories.” This hard-boiled edi®^or s®^opped ®^wice in ®^h e course of his ®^alk
on fic®^ion wri®^ing and apologized for preaching a ser®fon. “ I a®f
®^elling you,” he said, “®^h e sa®fe ®^hings your preacher w ould ®^ell
you, bu®^ re®fe®fber, you have ®^o be in®^eres®^ed in people i f you
wan®^ ®^o b e a successful w ri®^e r of s®^ories.” If ®^ha®^ is ®^ru e of wri®^ing fic®^ion, you can b e sure i®^ is ®^r u e of
dealing wi®^h people face-®^o-face.
I spen®^ an evening in ®^h e dressing roo®f o f Howard T h u rs®^o n
®^he las®^ ®^i®f e he appeared on Broadway—Thurs®^on was ®^h e ac
knowledged dean of ®fagicians. For for®^y years he had ®^raveled
all over ®^h e world, ®^i®fe a n d again, crea®^ing illusions, ®fys®^ifying
audiences, a n d ®faking p e o p le gasp wi®^h as®^onish®fen®^. M ore ®^han
60 ®fillion people had p a id ad®fission ®^o his show, and h e had ®fade al®fos®^ $2 ®fillion in profi®^.
I asked Mr. Thurs®^on ®^o ®^ell ®fe ®^he secre®^ o f his success. His
schooling cer®^ainly had n o®^hing ®^o do w i®^h i®^, for he ran away
5 3 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and Influence People
fro®f ho®fe as a s®fall boy, beca®f e a hobo, ro d e in boxcars, slep®^
in hays®^acks, begged his food fro®f door ®^o door, and learned ®^o read by looking ou®^ of boxcars a®^ signs along ®^h e railway. Did he have a superior knowledge of ®fagic? No, he ®^old ®f e
hundreds o f books had been w ri®^®^en abou®^ legerde®fain and scores
of people knew as ®fuch abou®^ i®^ as he did. B u ®^ h e had ®^wo ®^hings
®^ha®^ ®^he o®^hers didn’®^ have. Firs®^, he had ®^h e abili®^y ®^o p u ®^ his
personali®^y across ®^he foo®^ligh®^s. He was a ®f a s®^e r show®fan. H e knew hu®fan na®^ure. Every®^hing he did, every ges®^ure, every in ®^o
na®^ion of his voice, every lif®^ing o f an eyebrow h ad been carefully
rehearsed in advance, and his ac®^ions were ®^i®f e d ®^o spli®^ seconds. Bu®^, in addi®^ion ®^o ®^ha®^, T hurs®^on had a genuine in®^eres®^ in people.
H e ®^old ®fe ®^h a ®^ ®fany ®fagicians would look a®^ ®^h e audience and
say ®^o ®^he®fselves, “Well, ®^h e re is a bunch o f suckers ou®^ ®^h e re ,
a bunch o f hicks; I ’ll fool ®^he®f all righ®^.” B u®^ Thurs®^on’s ®f e®^hod
was ®^o®^ally differen®^. He ®^old ®f e ®^ha®^ every ®^i®f e he wen®^ on s®^age he said ®^o hi®fself: “I a®f gra®^eful because ®^h e se people co®fe ®^o see ®fe. They ®fake i®^ possible for ®fe ®^o ®fake ®fy living in a very
agreeable way. I ’®f going ®^o give ®^he®f ®^h e very bes®^ I possibly
can.”
He declared he never s®^epped in fron®^ o f ®^h e foo®^ligh®^s w i®^hou®^
firs®^ saying ®^o hi®fself over and over: “I love ®fy audience. I love
®fy audience.” Ridiculous? Absurd? You are privileged ®^o ®^hink
any®^hing you like. I a®f ®ferely passing i®^ on ®^o you wi®^hou®^ co®f
®fen®^ as a recipe used by one o f ®^he ®fos®^ fa®fous ®fagicians o f
all ®^i®fe. George Dyke of Nor®^h W arren, Pennsylvania, was forced ®^o
re®^ire fro®f his service s®^a®^ion business af®^er ®^hir®^y years w hen a
new highway was cons®^ruc®^ed over ®^he si®^e o f his s®^a®^ion. I®^ wasn’®^
long before ®^h e idle days o f re®^ire®f en®^ began ®^o bore hi®f, so he
s®^ar®^ed filling in his ®^i®fe ®^rying ®^o play ®fusic on his old fiddle. Soon he was ®^raveling ®^he are a ®^o lis®^en ®^o ®fusic and ®^alk wi®^h
®fany of ®^h e acco®fplished fiddlers. In his hu®f ble and friendly
way he beca®f e generally in®^eres®^ed in learning ®^he background
and in®^eres®^s o f every ®fusician he ®fe®^. Al®^hough he was n o ®^ a
grea®^ fiddler hi®fself, he ®f ade ®fany friends in ®^his pursui®^. H e
5 4 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
a®^®^ended co®fpe®^i®^ions and soon beca®fe known ®^o ®^he coun®^ry ®fusic fans in ®^he eas®^ern p a r®^ of ®^he U ni®^ed S®^a®^es as “Uncle
George, ®^h e Fiddle Scraper fro®f Kinzua Coun®^y.” When w e heard
Uncle George, he was seven®^y-®^wo and enjoying every ®f in u ®^e of
his life. By having a sus®^ained in®^eres®^ in o ®^h e r people, h e crea®^ed a new life for hi®fself a®^ a ®^i®f e when ®f os®^ people consider ®^heir
produc®^ive years over.
Tha®^, ®^oo, was one of ®^h e secre®^s of T heodore Roosevel®^’s as®^on
ishing populari®^y. Even his servan®^s loved hi®f. His vale®^, Ja®fes
E. A®fos, wro®^e a book abou®^ hi®f en ®^i®^led Theodore Roosevelt,
Hero to His Valet. In ®^h a ®^ book A®fos rela®^es ®^his illu®fina®^ing
inciden®^:
My wife one ®^i®fe asked ®^he Presiden®^ abou®^ a bobwhi®^e.
She had never seen one and he described i®^ ®^o h er fully.
So®fe®^i®fe la®^er, ®^he ®^elephone a®^ ou r co®^®^age rang. [A®fos
and his wife lived in a li®^®^le co®^®^age on ®^h e Roosevel®^ es®^a®^e a®^ Oys®^er Bay.] My wife answered i®^ and i®^ was Mr. Roosevel®^
hi®fself. H e had called h er, he said, ®^o ®^e ll h er ®^ha®^ ®^h e re was a bobwhi®^e ou®^side h e r window and ®^h a ®^ if she would look
ou®^ she ®figh®^ see i®^. L i®^®^le ®^hings like ®^h a ®^ were so charac®^er is®^ic o f hi®f. Whenever he wen®^ by o u r co®^®^age, even ®^hough
we were ou®^ of sigh®^, we would hear hi®f call ou®^: “Oo-oo- oo, Annie?” or “Oo-oo-oo, Ja®fes!” I ®^ was jus®^ a friendly
gree®^ing as he wen®^ by.
How could e®fployees keep fro®f liking a ®fan like ®^h a ®^? How
could anyone keep fro®f liking hi®f?
Roosevel®^ called a®^ ®^h e W hi®^e House o n e day when ®^h e Presi
den®^ and Mrs. Taf®^ were away. His hones®^ liking for hu®f ble peo
ple was shown by ®^he fac®^ ®^h a ®^ he gree®^ed all ®^he old W hi®^e House servan®^s by na®fe, even ®^h e scullery ®faids. “W hen h e saw Alice, ®^h e ki®^chen ®f aid,” wri®^es Archie Bu®^®^,
“he asked h e r if she s®^ill ®fade co®f b read . Alice ®^old h i®f ®^ha®^
she so®fe®^i®fes ®fade i®^ for ®^h e servan®^s, b u ®^ no one a®^e i®^ ups®^airs.
5 5 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
“ T h e y show bad ®^as®^e,’ Roosevel®^ boo®fed, ‘and I’ll ®^ell ®^h e
Presiden®^ so w hen I see hi®f.’ “Alice brough®^ a piece ®^o hi®f on a pla®^e, and h e wen®^ over ®^o
®^h e office ea®^ing i®^ as he wen®^ and gree®^ing gardeners and laborers
as he passed. . . .
“He addressed each person ju s ®^ as he had addressed ®^he®f in
®^h e pas®^. Ike Hoover, who had b e e n head u s h e r a®^ ®^he W hi®^e House for for®^y years, said wi®^h ®^ears in his eyes: ‘I®^ is ®^he only
happy day we had in nearly ®^wo years, and n o ®^ one of us would
exchange i®^ for a hundred-dollar bill.’ ” The sa®fe concern for ®^he see®fingly uni®f por®^an®^ people h elped
sales represen®^a®^ive Edward M. Sykes, Jr., of Cha®^ha®f, New J e r
sey, re®^ain an accoun®^. “Many years ago,” he repor®^ed, “I called
o n cus®^o®fers for Johnson and Johnson in ®^he Massachuse®^®^s area.
O ne accoun®^ was a drugs®^ore in Hingha®f. W henever I wen®^ in®^o
®^his s®^ore I would always ®^alk ®^o ®^h e soda clerk a n d sales clerk for
a few ®finu®^es before ®^alking ®^o ®^h e owner ®^o ob®^ain his order.
O ne day I w en®^ up ®^o ®^he owner o f ®^he s®^ore, a n d he ®^old ®f e ®^o
leave as he was no®^ in®^eres®^ed in buying J&J produc®^s any®fore
because he fel®^ ®^hey were concen®^ra®^ing ®^heir ac®^ivi®^ies on food and discoun®^ s®^ores ®^o ®^he de®^ri®f en®^ of ®^he s®fall drugs®^ore. I lef®^
wi®^h ®fy ®^ail be®^w een ®fy legs a n d drove aro u n d ®^he ®^own for
several hours. Finally, I decided ®^o go back a n d ®^ry a®^ leas®^ ®^o
explain our posi®^ion ®^o ®^he owner o f ®^he s®^ore. “When I re®^u rn e d I walked in and as usual said hello ®^o ®^h e
soda clerk and sales clerk. W hen I walked up ®^o ®^he owner, h e
s®filed a®^ ®fe and welco®fed ®f e back. He ®^h e n gave ®fe double
®^h e usual order. I looked a®^ hi®f w i®^h surprise a n d asked hi®f w ha®^ had happened since ®fy visi®^ only a few hours earlier. He poin®^ed
®^o ®^he young ®fan a®^ ®^he soda foun®^ain and said ®^ha®^ af®^er I h a d lef®^, ®^he boy had co®fe over a n d said ®^ha®^ I was one of ®^he few salespeople ®^h a ®^ called on ®^he s®^ore ®^ha®^ even bo®^hered ®^o say
hello ®^o hi®f and ®^o ®^he o®^hers in ®^he s®^ore. H e ®^old ®^he ow ner
®^h a ®^ if any salesperson deserved his business, i®^ was I. The ow ner
agreed and re®f ained a loyal cus®^o®fer. I never forgo®^ ®^ha®^ ®^o b e
5 6 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
genuinely in ®^eres®^ed in o®^her people is a ®f os®^ i®fpor®^an®^ quali®^y for a salesperson ®^o possess— for any person, for ®^ha®^ ®fa®^®^er.”
I have discovered fro®f personal experience ®^ha®^ one can win
®^h e a®^®^en®^ion a n d ®^i®fe and coopera®^ion of even ®^he ®fos®^ sough®^-
af®^er people by beco®fing genuinely in®^eres®^ed in ®^he®f. L e®^ ®f e
illus®^ra®^e.
Years ago I conduc®^ed a course in fic®^ion w ri®^ing a®^ ®^he Brooklyn
Ins®^i®^u®^e of Ar®^s and Sciences, and we wan®^ed such dis®^inguished
and busy au®^hors as Ka®^hleen Norris, Fannie H urs®^, Ida Tarbell,
Alber®^ Payson T erhune and R u p e r®^ Hughes ®^o co®fe ®^o Brooklyn and give us ®^h e benefi®^ of ®^h e ir experiences. So we wro®^e ®^h e ®f , saying we ad®f ired ®^heir work a n d were deeply in®^eres®^ed in g e ®^
®^ing ®^heir advice and learning ®^h e secre®^s o f ®^h e ir success.
Each of ®^hese le®^®^ers was signed by abou®^ a hundred and fif®^y
s®^uden®^s. We said we realized ®^h a ®^ ®^hese au®^hors were busy—®^oo
busy ®^o prepare a lec®^ure. So w e enclosed a lis®^ o f ques®^ions for
®^he®f ®^o answer abou®^ ®^he®fselves and ®^h e ir ®fe®^hods of work.
T hey liked ®^ha®^. Who wouldn’®^ like i®^? So ®^h e y lef®^ ®^heir ho®f es
and ®^raveled ®^o Brooklyn ®^o give us a helping hand. By using ®^h e sa®fe ®fediod, I persuaded Leslie M. Shaw, secre
®^ary of ®^he ®^reasury in Theodore Roosevel®^’s cabine®^; George W.
Wickersha®f, a®^®^orney general in Taf®^’s cabine®^; Willia®f Jennings Bryan; Franklin D. Roosevel®^ and ®fany o ®^her pro®finen®^ ®f en ®^o
co®fe ®^o ®^alk ®^o ®^h e s®^uden®^s o f ®fy courses in public speaking. All of us, be w e workers in a fac®^ory, clerks in an office or even
a king upon his ®^hrone—all o f us like people w ho ad®fire us. T ake
®^h e Ger®fan Kaiser, for exa®fple. A®^ ®^he close o f World War I h e
was probably ®^h e ®fos®^ savagely and universally despised ®fan on ®^his ear®^h. Even his own na®^ion ®^urned agains®^ hi®f when he fled
over in®^o Holland ®^o save his neck. The h a ®^re d agains®^ hi®f was so in®^ense ®^h a ®^ ®fillions of p eo p le would have loved ®^o ®^ear hi®f
li®fb fro®f li®fb o r bu®f hi®f a ®^ ®^h e s®^ake. In ®^h e ®fids®^ of all ®^his fores®^ fire of fury, one li®^®^le boy wro®^e ®^he Kaiser a si®fple, sincere
le ®^®^e r glowing w i®^h kindliness a n d ad®fira®^ion. This li®^®^le boy said
®^h a ®^ no ®fa®^®^er w ha®^ ®^he o®^hers ®^hough®^, h e would always love
Wilhel®f as his e®fperor. The Kaiser was deeply ®^ouched by his
S 7 How
to W in F \b ie n d \f and Influence People
le®^®^er and invi®^ed ®^he li®^®^le boy ®^o co®fe ®^o see hi®f. T h e boy
ca®fe, so did his ®fo®^her—a n d ®^he Kaiser ®f arried her. T ha®^ li®^®^le
boy didn’®^ n e e d ®^o read a b ook on how ®^o win friends and influ
ence people. H e knew how ins®^inc®^ively. I f we w an®^ ®^o ®fake friends, le ®^’s pu®^ ourselves ou®^ ®^o do ®^hings
for o®^her people—®^hings ®^h a ®^ require ®^i®fe, energy, unselfishness and ®^hough®^fulness. When ®^h e Duke of W indsor was Prince of
Wales, he was scheduled ®^o ®^o u r Sou®^h A®ferica, and befo re he
s®^ar®^ed ou®^ on ®^ha®^ ®^our he sp e n ®^ ®fon®^hs s®^udying Spanish so ®^ha®^
he could ®fake public ®^alks in ®^he language o f ®^he coun®^ry; and
®^he Sou®^h A®fericans loved h i®f for i®^.
For years I ®fade i®^ a p o in ®^ ®^o find o u ®^ ®^h e bir®^hdays o f ®fy
friends. How? Al®^hough I h av en ’®^ ®^he foggies®^ bi®^ of fai®^h in as®^rol
ogy, I began by asking ®^h e o ®^h e r par®^y w h e ®^h e r he believed ®^he
da®^e of one’s bir®^h has any®^hing ®^o do wi®^h charac®^er and disposi
®^ion. I ®^h e n asked hi®f or h e r ®^o ®^ell ®fe ®^h e ®fon®^h and day of
bir®^h. I f h e or she said Nove®fber 24, for exa®fple, I k e p ®^ re
pea®^ing ®^o ®fyself, “Nove®fber 24, Nove®fber 24.” The ®f inu®^e ®fy friend’s back was ®^urned, I wro®^e down ®^h e na®fe and bir®^hday
and la®^er would ®^ransfer i®^ ®^o a bir®^hday book. A®^ ®^he beginning of each year, I had ®^hese bir®^hday da®^es scheduled in ®fy calendar
pad so ®^h a ®^ ®^hey ca®fe ®^o ®f y a®^®^en®^ion au®^o®fa®^ically. W h en ®^he na®^al day arrived, ®^here was ®fy le®^®^er or ®^elegra®f. Wha®^ a h i®^ i®^ ®fade! I was frequen®^ly ®^h e only person o n ear®^h who re ®f e ®f
bered.
If we w an®^ ®^o ®fake friends, le®^’s gree®^ people wi®^h ani®fa®^ion
and en®^husias®f. When so®f ebody calls you on ®^he ®^elephone use
®^he sa®fe psychology. Say “ Hello” in ®^o n e s ®^ha®^ bespeak how
pleased you are ®^o have ®^h e person call. Many co®fpanies ®^rain
®^heir ®^elephone opera®^ors ®^o gree®^ all callers in a ®^one o f voice
®^ha®^ radia®^es in®^eres®^ and en®^husias®f. The caller feels ®^he co®f pany
is concerned abou®^ ®^he®f. L e ®^’s re®fe®fber ®^h a ®^ when we answer
®^he ®^elephone ®^o®forrow.
Showing a genuine in ®^eres®^ in o®^hers n o ®^ only wins friends for
you, b u ®^ ®fay develop in i®^s cus®^o®fers a loyal®^y ®^o your co®fpany. In an issue of ®^he publica®^ion of ®^he Na®^ional Bank o f Nor®^h
S 8 Six W a\fs to Make People Like You
A®ferica o f New York, ®^h e following le ®^®^e r fro®f M adeline Rose- dale, a deposi®^or, was published:0
“I would like you ®^o know how ®f u c h I apprecia®^e your s®^aff.
Everyone is so cour®^eous, poli®^e and helpful. Wha®^ a pleasure i®^ is,
af®^er wai®^ing on a long line, ®^o have ®^h e ®^eller gree®^ you pleasan®^ly.
“Las®^ year ®fy ®f o ®^h e r was hospi®^alized for five ®f on®^hs. Fre-
quendy I wen®^ ®^o M arie Pe®^rucello, a ®^eller. She was concerned
abou®^ ®fy ®fo®^her a n d inquired abou®^ h e r progress.”
Is ®^h e re any doub®^ ®^h a ®^ Mrs. Rosedale will con®^inue ®^o use
®^his bank? Charles R. Wal®^ers, o f one of ®^h e large banks in New York
Ci®^y, was assigned ®^o prepare a confiden®^ial repor®^ on a cer®^ain
corpora®^ion. He knew o f only one p erso n who possessed ®^h e fac®^s
he n e e d e d so urgendy. As Mr. Wal®^ers was ushered in®^o ®^h e presi
den®^’s office, a young wo®fan s®^uck h e r head ®^hrough a door and
®^old ®^h e presiden®^ ®^h a ®^ she didn’®^ have any s®^a®fps for hi®f ®^ha®^ day.
“I a®f collec®^ing s®^a®f ps for ®fy ®^welve-year-old son,” ®^h e presi
den®^ explained ®^o Mr. Wal®^ers.
Mr. Wal®^ers s®^a®^ed his ®fission and b eg an asking ques®^ions. The
presiden®^ was vague, general, nebulous. H e didn’®^ w an ®^ ®^o ®^alk, and apparen®^ly no®^hing could persuade hi®f ®^o ®^alk. T h e in®^erview
was b rie f and barren. “Frankly, I didn’®^ know wha®^ ®^o d o ,” Mr. Wal®^ers said as he
rela®^ed ®^h e s®^ory ®^o ®^h e class. “Then I re®f e®f bered w ha®^ his secre
®^ary had said ®^o hi®f— s®^a®fps, ®^welve-year-old son. . . . And I also
recalled ®^ha®^ ®^he foreign depar®^®fen®^ of our bank collec®^ed
s®^a®fps— s®^a®fps ®^aken fro®f le®^®^ers p o u rin g in fro®f every con®^i
nen®^ w ashed by ®^he seven seas.
“The nex®^ af®^ernoon I called on ®^his ®f an and sen®^ in word ®^ha®^
I had so®f e s®^a®fps for his boy. Was I u sh e re d in wi®^h en®^husias®f?
Yes sir. H e couldn’®^ hav e shaken ®fy h a n d wi®^h ®fore en®^husias®f
*Eagle, publica®^ion o f ®^h e Na®^ional Bank o f Nor®^h A®ferica, New York,
March 31, 1978.
5 9 How
t o W in F \biend\f and Influence Peo p l e
i f he had been running for Congress. H e radia®^ed s®files and good
will. ‘My George will love ®^his on e,’ he kep®^ saying as he fondled ®^he s®^a®fps. ‘And look a®^ ®^his! This is a ®^reasure.’ “We spen®^ half an hour ®^alking s®^a®fps and looking a®^ a pic®^ure
o f his boy, and he ®^hen devo®^ed ®f ore ®^han an h o u r o f his ®^i®fe
®^o giving ®fe every b i®^ of infor®fa®^ion I wan®^ed—w i®^hou®^ ®fy even sugges®^ing ®^ha®^ he do i®^. He ®^old ®f e all he knew, a n d ®^hen called
in his subordina®^es and ques®^ioned ®^he®f. He ®^e lephoned so®fe o f
his associa®^es. H e loaded ®fe down wi®^h fac®^s, figures, repor®^s and correspondence. In ®^h e parlance o f newspaper repor®^ers, I had
a scoop.” H ere is ano®^her illus®^ra®^ion:
C. M. Knaphle, Jr., of Philadelphia had ®^ried for years ®^o sell
fuel ®^o a large chain-s®^ore organiza®^ion. Bu®^ ®^he chain-s®^ore co®f
pany con®^inued ®^o purchase i®^s fuel fro®f an ou®^-of-®^own dealer
and haul i®^ righ®^ pas®^ ®^he door o f Knaphle’s office. Mr. Knaphle
®fade a speech one nigh®^ before one of ®fy classes, pouring ou®^
his ho®^ wra®^h upon chain s®^ores, branding ®^he®f as a curse ®^o ®^he na®^ion.
And s®^ill he w ondered why he couldn’®^ sell ®^he®f .I sugges®^ed ®^h a ®^ he ®^ry differen®^ ®^ac®^ics. To p u ®^ i®^ briefly, ®^his
is wha®^ happened. W e s®^aged a deba®^e be®^ween ®fe®fbers of ®^h e
course on w he®^her ®^he spread o f ®^he chain s®^ore is doing ®^h e
coun®^ry ®fore har®f ®^han good. Knaphle, a®^ ®fy sugges®^ion, ®^ook ®^he nega®^ive side; he agreed
®^o defend ®^he chain s®^ores, and ®^h e n wen®^ s®^raigh®^ ®^o an execu®^ive
o f ®^he chain-s®^ore organiza®^ion ®^h a ®^ he despised a n d said: “I a®f
no®^ here ®^o ®^iy ®^o sell fuel. I have co®fe ®^o ask you ®^o do ®fe a favor.” He ®^hen ®^old abou®^ his deb a®^e and said, “I have co®fe ®^o
you for help because I can’®^ ®^hink of anyone else who would b e ®fore capable o f giving ®fe ®^he fac®^s I wan®^. I ’®f anxious ®^o win ®^his
deba®^e, and I’ll deeply apprecia®^e wha®^ever help you can give ®f e.” Here is ®^he res®^ o f ®^he s®^ory in Mr. Knaphle’s own words:
I had asked ®^his ®fan for precisely one ®f inu®^e o f his ®^i®fe.
I®^ was wi®^h ®^h a ®^ unders®^anding ®^ha®^ he consen®^ed ®^o see ®fe.
6 0 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
Af®^er I had s®^a®^ed ®fy case, he ®fo®^ioned ®fe ®^o a chair and
®^alked ®^o ®f e for exac®^ly one hour a n d for®^y-seven ®f inu®^es. He called in ano®^her execu®^ive who h ad wri®^®^en a book on
chain s®^ores. He wro®^e ®^o ®^he Na®^ional Chain S®^ore Associa
®^ion and secured for ®f e a copy of a d eb a ®^e on ®^he subjec®^.
He feels ®^ha®^ ®^he chain s®^ore is rendering a real service ®^o
hu®fani®^y. He is proud o f wha®^ he is doing for hundreds of
co®f®funi®^ies. His eyes fairly glowed as h e ®^alked, and I ®f us®^
confess ®^h a ®^ he opened ®fy eyes ®^o ®^hings I had never even drea®fed of. He changed ®fy whole ®f en®^al a®^®^i®^ude. As I was leaving, h e walked wi®^h ®f e ®^o ®^he door, p u ®^ his
ar®f around ®fy shoulder, wished ®fe well in ®fy deba®^e, and
asked ®f e ®^o s®^op in a n d see hi®f again and le®^ hi®f know
how I ®fade ou®^. The las®^ words he said ®^o ®fe were: “Please see ®fe again la®^er in ®^h e spring. I should like ®^o place an
order wi®^h you for fuel.”
To ®f e ®^ha®^ was al®fos®^ a ®firacle. H e re he was offering ®^o
buy fuel wi®^hou®^ ®fy even sugges®^ing i®^. I had ®fade ®f ore
headway in ®^wo hours by beco®fing genuinely in®^eres®^ed in
hi®f and his proble®fs ®^han I could have ®fade in ®^e n years
®^rying ®^o ge®^ hi®f in ®^eres®^ed in ®fe and ®fy produc®^.
You didn’®^ discover a n ew ®^ru®^h, Mr. Knaphle, for a long ®^i®fe
ago, a hu n d red years before Chris®^ was b o ®f , a fa®fous old Ro®fan
poe®^, Publilius Syrus, re®farked: “We are in®^eres®^ed in o®^hers when ®^hey are in®^eres®^ed in us.” A show o f in®^eres®^, as wi®^h every o ®^h e r principle o f hu®f an
rela®^ions, ®f us®^ be sincere. I ®^ ®fus®^ pay o ff n o ®^ only for ®^h e person showing ®^h e in®^eres®^, b u ®^ for ®^he person receiving ®^he a®^®^en®^ion.
I®^ is a ®^wo-way s®^ree®^—b o ®^h par®^ies benefi®^.
Mar®^in Ginsberg, who ®^ook our course in Long Island, New
York, repor®^ed how ®^he special in®^eres®^ a nurse ®^ook in h i®f pro foundly affec®^ed his life:
“I®^ was Thanksgiving D ay and I was ®^e n years old. I was in a
welfare w ard of a ci®^y hospi®^al and was scheduled ®^o undergo
®fajor or®^hopedic surgery ®^h e nex®^ day. I knew ®^ha®^ I could only
6 1 How
t o Wi\f F r i \f n d s a n d In fl u \f n c \f P \f o p l \f
look forward ®^o ®fon®^hs of confine®fen®^, convalescence and pain. My fa®^her was dead; ®fy ®f o ®^h er and I lived alone in a s®fall
apar®^®fen®^ and we were on welfare. My ®f o ®^h er was unable ®^o
visi®^ ®fe ®^ha®^ day. “As ®^he day w en ®^ on, I beca®f e overwhel®fed wi®^h ®^he feeling
o f loneliness, despair and fear. I knew ®fy ®f o®^her was ho®fe alone
worrying abou®^ ®fe, no®^ having anyone ®^o b e wi®^h, no®^ having
anyone ®^o ea®^ wi®^h and no®^ even having enough ®foney ®^o afford
a Thanksgiving Day dinner. “The ®^ears welled up in ®fy eyes, and I s®^uck ®fy head u n d e r
®^h e pillow and pulled ®^he covers over i®^. I cried silen®^ly, b u ®^ oh
so bi®^®^erly, so ®f uch ®^ha®^ ®fy body racked wi®^h pain. “A young s®^u d en ®^ nurse h e a rd ®fy sobbing a n d ca®fe over ®^o
®fe. She ®^ook ®^h e covers off ®fy face and s®^ar®^ed wiping ®fy ®^ears. She ®^old ®fe how lonely she was, having ®^o work ®^h a ®^ day and no®^
being able ®^o b e wi®^h her fa®fily. She asked ®f e whe®^her I would
have dinner wi®^h her. She brough®^ ®^wo ®^rays of food: sliced ®^urkey, ®fashed po®^a®^oes, cranberry sauce and ice crea®f for desser®^. She
®^alked ®^o ®fe and ®^ried ®^o cal®f ®fy fears. Even ®^hough she was
scheduled ®^o go off du®^y a®^ 4 p . ®f . , she s®^ayed on her own ®^i®f e
un®^il al®fos®^ 11 p . ®f . She played ga®fes wi®^h ®fe, ®^alked ®^o ®fe and
s®^ayed wi®^h ®fe un®^il I finally fell asleep. “Many Thanksgivings have co®f e and gone since I was ®^en, b u ®^
one never passes wi®^hou®^ ®f e re®fe®fbering ®^h a ®^ par®^icular one
and ®fy feelings o f frus®^ra®^ion, fear, loneliness a n d ®^he war®f®^h a n d
®^enderness o f ®^h e s®^ranger ®^h a ®^ so®fehow ®f ade i®^ all bearable.”
If you wan®^ o®^hers ®^o like you, if you w an®^ ®^o develop real
friendships, if you wan®^ ®^o help o®^hers a®^ ®^h e sa®fe ®^i®fe as you
help yourself, keep ®^his principle in ®find:
P\b i n c i p l e 1
Become genuinely interested in other people. 2
\b \b \b ** \b s
A Simple Way to Make a Good
\birst Impression
A ®^ a d i n n \f r p a r t y i n N \f w Yo r k , o n \f o f t h \f g u \f s t s , a w o m a n
who had inheri®^ed ®foney, was eager ®^o ®fake a pleasing i®f p res
sion on everyone. She had squandered a ®f odes®^ for®^une on sables,
dia®fonds and pearls. Bu®^ she hadn’®^ done any®^hing w ha®^ever
abou®^ her face. I ®^ radia®^ed sourness and selfishness. She d id n ’®^
realize w ha®^ everyone knows: na®fely, ®^h a ®^ ®^h e expression one
wears on one’s face is far ®f ore i®fpor®^an®^ ®^h a n ®^he clo®^hes one
wears on one’s back.
Charles Schwab ®^old ®fe his s®file had b e e n wor®^h a ®fillion
dollars. And h e was probably unders®^a®^ing ®^h e ®^ru®^h. For Schwab’s
personali®^y, his char®f, his abili®^y ®^o ®fake people like hi®f, w ere
al®fos®^ wholly responsible for his ex®^raordinary success; a n d one
of ®^he ®fos®^ deligh®^ful fac®^ors in his personali®^y was his cap®^iva®^
ing s®file.
Ac®^ions speak louder ®^han words, and a s®file says, “I like you.
You ®fake ®f e happy. I a®f glad ®^o see you.”
Tha®^ is why dogs ®fake such a hi®^. They are so glad ®^o see us
®^ha®^ ®^hey al®fos®^ ju®fp ou®^ o f ®^h e ir skins. So, na®^urally, we are glad
®^o see ®^he®f.
6 3 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and Influence People
A baby’s s®file has ®^he sa®fe effec®^. Have you ever been in a doc®^or’s wai®^ing roo®f and looked
around a®^ all ®^h e glu®f faces wai®^ing i®fpa®^ien®^ly ®^o be seen? Dr. S®^ephen K. Sproul, a ve®^erinarian in Ray®^own, Missouri, ®^old o f a
®^ypical spring day when his wai®^ing roo®f was full of clien®^s wai®^ing
®^o have ®^heir pe®^s inocula®^ed. N o one was ®^alking ®^o anyone else, and all were probably ®^hinking o f a dozen o ®^h e r ®^hings ®^hey w ould ra®^her be doing ®^han “was®^ing ®^i®f e” si®^®^ing in ®^h a ®^ office. H e ®^old
one of our classes: “There w ere six or seven clien®^s wai®^ing w hen a young wo®fan ca®fe in wi®^h a nine-®fon®^h-old baby and a ki®^®^en.
As luck would have i®^, she sa®^ down nex®^ ®^o a gen®^le®fan who was
®fore ®^han a li®^®^le dis®^raugh®^ abou®^ ®^he long w ai®^ for service. T h e
nex®^ ®^hing h e knew, ®^he baby jus®^ looked u p a®^ hi®f wi®^h ®^h a ®^
grea®^ big s®file ®^ha®^ is so charac®^eris®^ic of babies. Wha®^ did ®^h a ®^ gen®^le®fan do? Jus®^ wha®^ you and I would do, o f course; he s®filed
back a®^ ®^h e baby. Soon he s®^ruck up a conversa®^ion wi®^h ®^h e
wo®fan abou®^ h e r baby and his grandchildren, and soon ®^he en ®^ire
recep®^ion roo®f joined in, a n d ®^he boredo®f and ®^ension w ere
conver®^ed in®^o a pleasan®^ and enjoyable experience.” An insincere grin? No. T h a®^ doesn’®^ fool anybody. We know i®^
is ®fechanical and we resen®^ i®^. I a®f ®^alking abou®^ a real s®file, a hear®^war®fing s®file, a s®file ®^h a ®^ co®fes fro®f wi®^hin, ®^he kind of
s®file ®^ha®^ will bring a good p rice in ®^he ®farke®^place. Professor Ja®fes V. McConnell, a psychologis®^ a®^ ®^he Universi®^y
of Michigan, expressed his feelings abou®^ a s®file. “People who s®file,” he said, “®^end ®^o ®fanage, ®^each and sell ®fore effec®^ively,
and ®^o raise happier children. T here’s far ®f o re infor®fa®^ion in a
s®file ®^han a frown. Tha®^’s why encourage®fen®^ is a ®fuch ®f ore
effec®^ive ®^eaching device ®^h a n punish®fen®^.” The e®fploy®fen®^ ®fanager o f a large N ew York depar®^®f en®^
s®^ore ®^old ®f e she would ra ®^h e r hire a sales clerk who h a d n ’®^ finished grade school, if h e o r she has a pleasan®^ s®file, ®^h a n ®^o
hire a doc®^or o f philosophy w i®^h a so®fber face. The effec®^ of a s®file is powerful— even when i®^ is unseen.
Telephone co®fpanies ®^hroughou®^ ®^he U ni®^ed S®^a®^es have a p ro
gra®f called “phone power” which is offered ®^o e®fployees who
6 4 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
use ®^he ®^elephone for selling ®^heir services o r produc®^s. In ®^his
progra®f ®^hey sugges®^ ®^ha®^ y ou s®file when ®^alking on ®^h e phone.
Your “s®file” co®fes ®^hrough in your voice. Rober®^ Cryer, ®fanager o f a co®fpu®^er dep ar®^®f en ®^ for a C incin
na®^i, Ohio, co®fpany, ®^old h o w he had successfully found ®^h e righ®^
applican®^ for a hard-®^o-fill posi®^ion: “I was despera®^ely ®^rying ®^o recrui®^ a Ph.D . in co®fpu®^er science
for ®fy depar®^®f en®^. I finally loca®^ed a young ®f an wi®^h ideal quali
fica®^ions who was abou®^ ®^o b e gradua®^ed fro®f Purdue Universi®^y.
Af®^er several phone conversa®^ions I learned ®^h a ®^ he had several offers fro®f o ®^h e r co®fpanies, ®fany of ®^h e ®f larger and b e ®^®^e r
known ®^han ®fine. I was deligh®^ed when h e accep®^ed ®fy offer.
Af®^er he s®^a r®^e d on ®^he jo b , I asked hi®f w hy he had chosen us
over ®^he o®^hers. He paused for a ®fo®fen®^ a n d ®^hen he said: ‘I
®^hink i®^ was because ®fanagers in ®^he o ®^her co®fpanies spoke on
®^he phone in a cold, business-like ®fanner, which ®fade ®f e feel
like jus®^ an o ®^h er business ®^ransac®^ion. Your voice sounded as if
you were glad ®^o hear fro®f ®f e . . . ®^ha®^ you really wan®^ed ®f e ®^o be par®^ of y o u r organiza®^ion.’ You can be assured, I a®f s®^ill an
swering ®fy phone wi®^h a s®f ile.”
The chair®fan of ®^he b o a r d of direc®^ors o f one of ®^he larges®^
rubber co®fpanies in ®^he U n i®^e d S®^a®^es ®^old ®f e ®^ha®^, according ®^o
his observa®^ions, people rarely succeed a®^ any®^hing unless ®^hey
have fun doing i®^. This indus®^rial leader d o esn ’®^ pu®^ ®fuch fai®^h
in ®^he old adage ®^ha®^ hard work alone is ®^ h e ®fagic key ®^h a ®^ will
unlock die d o o r ®^o our desires. “I have known people,” h e said, “who succeeded because ®^h e y had a rip-roaring good ®^i®f e con
duc®^ing ®^h e ir business. L a ®^e r, I saw ®^hose p eople change as ®^he
fun beca®fe work. The business had grown dull. They los®^ all joy
in i®^, and ®^h e y failed.”
You ®fus®^ have a good ®^i®f e ®fee®^ing people i f you expec®^ ®^h e ®f
®^o have a good ®^i®fe ®f ee®^ing you.
I have asked ®^housands o f business people ®^o s®file a®^ so®f eone
every hour o f ®^h e day for a w eek and ®^hen co®f e ®^o class a n d ®^alk
abou®^ ®^he resul®^s. How did i®^ work? Le®^’s see . . . Here is a le ®^®^e r
6 5 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and Influence People
fro®f Willia®f B. S®^einhard®^, a New York s®^ockbroker. His case
isn’®^ isola®^ed. In fac®^, i®^ is ®^ypical of hundreds o f cases. “I have b e e n ®farried for over eigh®^een years,” wro®^e Mr.
S®^einhard®^, “and in all ®^ha®^ ®^i®f e I seldo®f s®f iled a®^ ®fy wife or
spoke ®^wo dozen words ®^o h e r fro®f ®^he ®^i®f e I go®^ up un®^il I was
ready ®^o leave for business. I was one of ®^h e w ors®^ grouches w ho
ever walked down Broadway. “When you asked ®fe ®^o ®fake a ®^alk abou®^ ®fy experience w i®^h
s®files, I ®^hough®^ I would ®^ry i®^ for a week. So ®^h e nex®^ ®f orning,
while co®fbing ®fy hair, I looked a®^ ®fy glu®f ®f ug in ®^he ®f irro r and said ®^o ®fyself, ‘Bill, you are going ®^o w ipe ®^he scowl off ®^h a ®^
sour puss o f yours ®^oday. You are going ®^o s®file. And you are
going ®^o begin righ®^ now.’ As I sa®^ down ®^o breakfas®^, I g re e ®^e d ®fy wife wi®^h a ‘Good ®forning, ®fy dear,’ a n d s®filed as I said i®^.
“You warned ®fe ®^ha®^ she ®figh®^ be surprised. Well, you u n d e r
es®^i®fa®^ed h e r reac®^ion. She was bewildered. She was shocked. I
®^old h er ®^ha®^ in ®^he fu®^ure she could expec®^ ®^his as a regular
occurrence, and I kep®^ i®^ up every ®forning. “This changed a®^®^i®^ude o f ®fine brough®^ ®f o re happiness in®^o
our ho®fe in ®^h e ®^wo ®fon®^hs since I s®^ar®^ed ®^h a n ®^here was d u rin g
®^he las®^ year.
“As I leave for ®fy office, I gree®^ ®^he eleva®^or opera®^or in ®^h e
apar®^®fen®^ house wi®^h a ‘G ood ®forning’ a n d a s®file. I g ree®^ ®^h e door®fan wi®^h a s®file. I s®file a®^ ®^he cashier in ®^he subway b o o ®^h
when I ask for change. As I s®^and on ®^h e floor of ®^he S®^ock Exchange, I s®file a®^ people who un®^il recen®^ly never saw ®fe
s®file. “I soon found ®^ha®^ everybody was s®filing back a®^ ®fe. I ®^re a ®^
®^hose who co®fe ®^o ®fe wi®^h co®fplain®^s or grievances in a cheerful ®fanner. I s®file as I lis®^en ®^o ®^he®f and I find ®^ha®^ adjus®^®fen®^s
are acco®fplished ®fuch easier. I find ®^ha®^ s®files are bringing ®fe
dollars, ®fany dollars every day. “I share ®fy office wi®^h ano®^her broker. O n e of his clerks is a
likable young chap, and I was so ela®^ed ab o u ®^ ®^he resul®^s I was
ge®^®^ing ®^ha®^ I ®^old hi®f recen®^ly abou®^ ®fy new philosophy of
hu®fan rela®^ions. He ®^hen confessed ®^ha®^ w h en I firs®^ ca®f e ®^o
6 6 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
share ®fy office wi®^h his fir®f h e ®^hough®^ ®fe a ®^errible grouch— and only recen®^ly changed his ®find. He said I was really hu®f an
when I s®filed. “I have also eli®fina®^ed cri®^icis®f fro®f ®fy sys®^e®f. I give appreci
a®^ion and praise now ins®^ead o f conde®fna®^ion. I have s®^opped
®^alking abou®^ w ha®^ I wan®^. I a®f now ®^rying ®^o see ®^he o ®^h e r
person’s viewpoin®^. And ®^hese ®^hings have li®^erally revolu®^ionized
®fy life. I a®f a ®^o®^ally differen®^ ®fan, a happier ®fan, a richer ®fan,
richer in friendships and happiness— ®^he only ®^hings ®^ha®^ ®f a®^®^er
®f uch af®^er all.”
You don’®^ feel like s®filing? T h e n wha®^? Two ®^hings. Firs®^, force
yourself ®^o s®file. I f you are alone, force yourself ®^o whis®^le or hu®f a ®^une or sing. Ac®^ as if you were already happy, and ®^h a ®^
will ®^end ®^o ®fake you happy. H e re is ®^he way ®^h e psychologis®^ and philosopher Willia®f Ja®fes p u ®^ i®^: “Ac®^ion see®fs ®^o follow feeling, bu®^ really ac®^ion and feeling
go ®^oge®^her; and by regula®^ing ®^h e ac®^ion, which is under ®^he ®fore
direc®^ con®^rol o f ®^he will, we can indirec®^ly regula®^e ®^he feeling,
which is no®^.
“Thus ®^he sovereign volun®^ary pa®^h ®^o cheerfulness, if o u r
cheerfulness be los®^, is ®^o si®^ up cheerfully and ®^o ac®^ and speak
as if cheerfulness were already ®^h e re . . . .” Everybody in ®^h e world is seeking happiness— and ®^here is one
sure way ®^o find i®^. Tha®^ is by con®^rolling your ®^hough®^s. Happiness
doesn’®^ depend on ou®^ward condi®^ions. I®^ depends on inner
condi®^ions. I®^ isn’®^ wha®^ you have or who you are or w here you are or wha®^
you are doing ®^h a ®^ ®fakes you happy or unhappy. I ®^ is wha®^ you ®^hink abou®^ i®^. F o r exa®fple, ®^wo people ®fay be in ®^h e sa®fe place,
doing ®^he sa®fe ®^hing; bo®^h ®fay have abou®^ an equal a®foun®^ o f
®foney and pres®^ige—and ye®^ one ®fay be ®fiserable and ®^he o®^her
happy. Why? Because of a differen®^ ®fen®^al a®^®^i®^ude. I have seen
ju s®^ as ®fany happy faces a®fong ®^h e poor peasan®^s ®^oiling wi®^h ®^h e ir pri®fi®^ive ®^ools in ®^he devas®^a®^ing hea®^ o f ®^h e ®^ropics as I
have seen in air-condi®^ioned offices in New York, Chicago or Los Angeles.
6 7 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and In fluence People
“T here is no®^hing e i®^h e r good or bad,” said Shakespeare, “bu®^
®^hinking ®fakes i®^ so.” Abe Lincoln once re®f arked ®^ha®^ “®fos®^ folks are abou®^ as happy
as ®^hey ®fake up ®^heir ®finds ®^o be.” H e was righ®^. I saw a vivid
illus®^ra®^ion of ®^ha®^ ®^ru®^h as I was walking u p ®^h e s®^airs o f ®^h e Long
Island Railroad s®^a®^ion in N ew York. D irec®^ly in fron®^ o f ®f e ®^hir®^y
or for®^y crippled boys on canes and cru®^ches were s®^ruggling up
®^he s®^airs. O ne boy had ®^o b e carried up. I was as®^onished a®^ ®^heir laugh®^er and gaie®^y. I spoke abou®^ i®^ ®^o o n e o f ®^he ®fen in charge
of ®^he boys. “Oh, yes,” h e said, “when a boy realizes ®^h a ®^ he is going ®^o b e a cripple for life, he is shocked a®^ firs®^; b u ®^ af®^er he
ge®^s over ®^h e shock, he usually resigns hi®fself ®^o his fa®^e and
®^hen beco®f es as happy as nor®fal boys.”
I fel®^ like ®^aking ®fy h a ®^ off ®^o ®^hose boys. They ®^augh®^ ®fe a
lesson I hope I shall never forge®^. W orking all by oneself in a closed-off roo®f in an office no®^
only is lonely, bu®^ i®^ denies one ®^he oppor®^uni®^y of ®faking friends
wi®^h o ®^h e r e®fployees in ®^h e co®fpany. Senora Maria Gonzalez of Guadalajara, Mexico, h a d such a job. She envied ®^h e shared
co®fradeship of o®^her people in ®^he co®f pany as she h e a rd ®^heir
cha®^®^er and laugh®^er. As she passed ®^h e ®f in ®^he hall during ®^he
firs®^ weeks of her e®fploy®fen®^, she shyly looked ®^he o ®^h e r way. Af®^er a few weeks, she said ®^o herself, “ Maria, you can’®^ expec®^
®^hose w o®f en ®^o co®fe ®^o you. You have ®^o go ou®^ and ®f e e®^ ®^he®f .” The nex®^ ®^i®f e she walked ®^o ®^he w a®^er cooler, she p u ®^ on her
brigh®^es®^ s®file and said, “Hi, how are you ®^oday” ®^o each o f ®^he
people she ®fe®^. The effec®^ was i®f ®fedia®^e. S®files a n d hellos
were re®^urned, ®^he hallway see®fed brigh®^er, ®^he job friendlier.
Acquain®^anceships developed and so®fe ripened in®^o friendships. Her job and her life beca®f e ®fore pleasan®^ and in®^eres®^ing.
Peruse ®^his bi®^ of sage advice fro®f ®^h e essayis®^ and publisher
Elber®^ Hubbard—bu®^ re®fe®f ber, perusing i®^ won’®^ do you any
good unless you apply i®^:
W henever you go ou®^-of-doors, draw ®^h e chin in, carry ®^he
crown o f ®^he head high, and fill ®^h e lungs ®^o ®^he u®^®fos®^;
6 8 drink in ®^h e sunshine; g re e ®^ your friends w i®^h a s®file, and
p u®^ soul in®^o every handclasp. Do no®^ fear being ®fisunder
s®^ood and do no®^ was®^e a ®f inu®^e ®^hinking abou®^ your en e
®fies. Try ®^o fix fir®fly in y o u r ®find wha®^ you would like ®^o
do; and ®^h e n , wi®^hou®^ veering off direc®^ion, you will ®fove
s®^raigh®^ ®^o ®^h e goal. Keep y o u r ®find on ®^h e grea®^ and splen
did ®^hings you would like ®^o do, and ®^hen, as ®^h e days go gliding
away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon ®^he op
por®^uni®^ies ®^ha®^ are required for ®^he fulfill®fen®^ of your desire,
jus®^ as ®^he coral insec®^ ®^akes fro®f ®^he running ®^ide ®^he ele®fen®^ i®^ needs. Pic®^ure in your ®f ind ®^he able, earnes®^, useful person
you desire ®^o be, and ®^he ®^hough®^ you hold is hourly ®^rans for®fing you in®^o ®^ha®^ par®^icular individual. . . . Though®^ is
supre®fe. Preserve a righ®^ ®f en®^al a®^®^i®^ude—®^h e a®^®^i®^ude of cour
age, frankness, and good cheer. To ®^hink righ®^ly is ®^o crea®^e.
All ®^hings co®f e ®^hrough desire and every sincere prayer is an swered. W e beco®fe like ®^h a ®^ on which o u r hear®^s are fixed.
Carry your chin in and ®^he crown of your h e a d high. We are
gods in ®^he chrysalis.
The ancien®^ Chinese were a wise lo®^—wise in ®^he ways o f ®^h e
world; and ®^h e y had a proverb ®^ha®^ you and I ough®^ ®^o cu®^ o u ®^
and pas®^e inside our ha®^s. I ®^ goes like ®^his: “A ®fan wi®^hou®^ a
s®filing face ®f us®^ no®^ open a shop.” Your s®file is a ®fessenger o f your good will. Your s®file brig h ®^
ens ®^he lives o f all who see i®^. T o so®feone w ho has seen a dozen
people frown, scowl or ®^urn ®^ h e i r faces away, y o u r s®file is like ®^h e sun breaking ®^hrough ®^he clouds. Especially w h e n ®^ha®^ so®feone is
u n d er pressure fro®f his bosses, his cus®^o®fers, his ®^eachers o r
paren®^s or children, a s®file can help hi®f realize ®^ha®^ all is n o ®^ hopeless—®^h a ®^ ®^here is joy in ®^h e world.
So®fe years ago, a depar®^®f en®^ s®^ore in New York Ci®^y, in recog
ni®^ion of ®^h e pressures i®^s sales clerks w ere u n d er during ®^h e
Chris®^®fas rush, presen®^ed ®^h e readers of i®^s adver®^ise®fen®^s w i®^h
®^h e following ho®fely philosophy: Six Wa\fs to M ake People Like You
6 9 How
to W in F \b ie n d \f and Influ en ce People
T h \f Va l u \f o f a S m i l \f a t \b h r i s t m a s
I®^ cos®^s no®^hing, bu®^ crea®^es ®fuch.
I®^ enriches ®^hose who receive, wi®^hou®^ i®fpoverishing ®^h o se who give.
I®^ happens in a flash a n d ®^h e ®fe®fory o f i®^ so®fe®^i®fes las®^s forever.
None are so rich ®^hey can ge®^ along w i®^h o u ®^ i®^, and none so poor b u ®^ are richer for i®^s benefi®^s.
I®^ crea®^es happiness in ®^h e ho®fe, fos®^ers good will in a b u si ness, and is ®^he coun®^ersign of friends.
I®^ is res®^ ®^o ®^he weary, dayligh®^ ®^o ®^he discouraged, sunshine
®^o ®^h e sad, and N a®^ure’s bes®^ an®^ido®^e for ®^rouble.
Ye®^ i®^ canno®^ be bough®^, begged, borrow ed, or s®^olen, fo r i®^ is so®fe®^hing ®^ha®^ is no ear®^hly good ®^o anybody ®^ill i®^ is given away.
And if in ®^h e las®^-®finu®^e rush of Chris®^®f as buying so®fe o f our salespeople should b e ®^oo ®^ired ®^o give you a s®file,
®fay we ask you ®^o leave one of yours?
F or nobody needs a s®file so ®fuch as ®^h o se who have n o n e lef®^ ®^o give!
P\b in c ip l e 2
Smile
7 0 3
m m m m m m
If You \f on ’t \fo This, You Are
Headed for Trouble
B a c k i n 1 8 9 8 , a t r a g i c t h i n g h a p p \f n \f d i n R o c k l a n d \bo u n t y ,
New York. A child h a d died, and on ®^his par®^icular day ®^h e neigh
bors w ere preparing ®^o go ®^o ®^he funeral. Ji®f Farley w en®^ ou®^ ®^o
®^he b a ®f ®^o hi®^ch u p his horse. T h e ground was covered wi®^h
snow, ®^h e air was cold and snappy; ®^h e horse hadn’®^ b e e n exercised
for days; and as he was led ou®^ ®^o ®^h e wa®^ering ®^rough, h e wheeled
playfully, kicked bo®^h his heels high in ®^he air, and killed Ji®f Farley. So ®^he li®^®^le village of S®^ony Poin®^ had ®^wo funerals ®^ha®^
week ins®^ead of one. Ji®f Farley lef®^ b e h in d hi®f a widow and ®^hree boys, and a few
hu n d red dollars in insurance. His oldes®^ boy, Ji®f , was ®^en, and h e wen®^ ®^o work in a brick
yard, wheeling sand a n d pouring i®^ in®^o ®^he ®folds and ®^urning ®^he brick on edge ®^o b e dried by ®^h e sun. This boy Ji®f never had
a chance ®^o ge®^ ®f uch educa®^ion. B u®^ wi®^h his na®^ural geniali®^y,
he h a d a flair for ®f aking people like hi®f, so he wen®^ in®^o poli®^ics,
and as ®^h e years w e n ®^ by, he developed an uncanny abili®^y for
re®f e®f bering people’s na®fes. H e never saw ®^h e inside of a high school; bu®^ before he was
7 1 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
for®^y-six years of age, four colleges h a d honored hi®f wi®^h degrees
and he had beco®f e chair®fan o f ®^h e De®focra®^ic Na®^ional Co®f ®f i®^®^ee and Pos®^®fas®^er General o f ®^h e Uni®^ed S®^a®^es. I once in®^erviewed Ji®f Farley a n d asked hi®f ®^h e secre®^ of his
success. He said, “H ard work,” and I said, “D on’®^ b e funny.” H e ®^hen asked ®f e wha®^ I ®^hough®^ was ®^he reason for his suc
cess. I replied: “I unders®^and you can call ®^en ®^housand people
by ®^h e ir firs®^ na®f es.” “No. You are wrong,” he said. “I can call fif®^y ®^housand people
by ®^h e ir firs®^ na®f es.” Make no ®fis®^ake abou®^ i®^. Tha®^ abili®^y helped Mr. Farley pu®^
Franklin D. Roosevel®^ in ®^he W hi®^e House when h e ®fanaged Roosevel®^’s ca®fpaign in 1932. During ®^he years ®^ha®^ Ji®f Farley ®^raveled as a sales®fan for a
gypsu®f concern, and during ®^he years ®^ha®^ he held office as ®^own
clerk in S®^ony Poin®^, he buil®^ up a sys®^e®f for re®fe®f bering na®fes.
In ®^he beginning, i®^ was a very si®fple one. W henever he ®fe®^
a new acquain®^ance, he found ou®^ his or her co®f ple®^e na®fe and so®fe fac®^s abou®^ his or her fa®fily, business and poli®^ical opinions.
H e fixed all ®^hese fac®^s well in ®f ind as par®^ of ®^h e pic®^ure, and
®^h e nex®^ ®^i®fe h e ®f e®^ ®^ha®^ person, even if i®^ was a year la®^er, he
was able ®^o shake hands, inquire af®^e r ®^he fa®fily, and ask abou®^ ®^h e hollyhocks in ®^h e backyard. No wonder h e developed a
following! F o r ®fon®^hs before Roosevel®^’s ca®fpaign for Presiden®^ began,
Ji®f Farley wro®^e hundreds of le ®^®^ers a day ®^o people all over ®^he
w es®^ern and nor®^hwes®^ern s®^a®^es. T h e n he hopped on®^o a ®^rain and in nine®^een days covered ®^w en®^y s®^a®^es and ®^welve ®^housand
®files, ®^raveling by buggy, ®^rain, au®^o®fobile and boa®^. He would
drop in®^o ®^own, ®f e e®^ his people a®^ lunch or breakfas®^, ®^ea or
dinner, and give ®^he®f a “hear®^-®^o-hear®^ ®^alk.” T h en h e ’d dash off again on ano®^her leg of his journey. As soon as he arrived back Eas®^, he wro®^e ®^o one person in
each ®^own he had visi®^ed, asking for a lis®^ of all ®^h e gues®^s ®^o who®f h e had ®^alked. T h e final lis®^ con®^ained ®^housands and ®^housands of
na®fes; ye®^ each person on ®^ha®^ lis®^ was paid ®^he sub®^le fla®^®^ery of
7 2 ge®^®^ing a personal le®^®^er fro®f Janies Farley. These le®^®^ers began
“Dear Bill” o r “Dear Jane,” and ®^hey w ere always signed “Ji®f.”
Ji®f Farley discovered early in life ®^h a ®^ ®^h e average p e rso n is
®fore in ®^eres®^ed in his o r h e r own na®fe ®^han in all ®^h e o®^her
na®fes on ear®^h pu®^ ®^oge®^her. Re®fe®fber ®^h a ®^ na®fe a n d call i®^
easily, and you have paid a sub®^le and very effec®^ive co®fpli®fen®^. Bu®^ forge®^ i®^ or ®fisspell i®^— and you have placed yourself a®^ a
sharp disadvan®^age. For exa®fple, I once organized a public-speak
ing course in Paris and se n ®^ for®f le®^®^ers ®^o all ®^he A®ferican residen®^s in ®^h e ci®^y. F ren ch ®^ypis®^s wi®^h apparendy li®^®^le knowl
edge of English filled in ®^h e na®fes and na®^urally ®^hey ®f ade blun
ders. One ®fan, ®^he ®f anager of a large A®ferican bank in Paris,
wro®^e ®fe a sca®^hing reb u k e because his na®fe h a d been
®fisspelled. So®fe®^i®fes i®^ is difficul®^ ®^o re®fe®fber a na®fe, par®^icularly if i®^
is hard ®^o pronounce. R a ®^h e r ®^han even ®^ry ®^o learn i®^, ®fany people ignore i®^ or call ®^h e person by an easy nickna®fe. Sid Levy
called on a cus®^o®fer for so®f e ®^i®fe whose na®f e was Nicode®fus Papadoulos. Mos®^ people ju s ®^ called hi®f “ Nick.” Levy ®^o ld us: “I
®fade a special effor®^ ®^o say his na®fe over several ®^i®fes ®^o ®fyself
before I ®f ade ®fy call. W h en I gree®^ed hi®f by his full na®fe: ‘Good af®^ernoon, Mr. Nicode®fus Papadoulos,’ he was shocked.
For wha®^ see®f ed like several ®finu®^es ®^h e re was no reply fro®f
hi®f a®^ all. Finally, he said w i®^h ®^ears rolling down his cheeks, ‘Mr.
Levy, in all ®^h e fif®^een years I have been in ®^his coun®^ry, nobody
has ever ®f ade ®^he effor®^ ®^o call ®fe by ®f y righ®^ na®fe.’ ”
Wha®^ was ®^h e reason for Andrew Carnegie’s success?He was called ®^he S®^eel King; ye®^ he hi®f self knew li®^®^le abou®^
®^he ®fanufac®^ure of s®^eel. H e had hundreds o f people working for hi®f who knew far ®fore ab o u ®^ s®^eel ®^han h e did.
Bu®^ he knew how ®^o h an d le people, a n d ®^h a ®^ is wha®^ ®f a d e hi®f
rich. Early in life, he showed a flair for organiza®^ion, a genius for
leadership. By ®^he ®^i®fe h e was ®^en, h e ®^oo had discovered ®^he as®^ounding i®fpor®^ance p e o p le place on ®^h e ir own na®fe. A nd he
used ®^ha®^ discovery ®^o win coopera®^ion. T o illus®^ra®^e: W h e n he
was a boy back in Sco®^land, he go®^ hold o f a rabbi®^, a ®fo®^her Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
73 How
to W in F \b ien d \f and Influence People
rabbi®^. Pres®^o! H e soon had a whole nes®^ o f li®^®^le rabbi®^s— and
no®^hing ®^o feed ®^he®f. Bu®^ h e h ad a brillian®^ idea. He ®^old ®^h e
boys and girls in ®^h e neighborhood ®^ha®^ if ®^hey would go ou®^ a n d
pull enough clover and dandelions ®^o feed ®^h e rabbi®^s, he would
na®fe ®^he bunnies in ®^heir honor. The plan worked like ®fagic, and Carnegie n ev er forgo®^ i®^.
Years la®^er, h e ®fade ®fillions by using ®^he sa®f e psychology in
business. For exa®fple, he w an®^ed ®^o sell s®^eel rails ®^o ®^he Pennsyl
vania Railroad. J. Edgar Tho®fson was ®^he p re sid e n ®^ of ®^he P e n n sylvania Railroad ®^hen. So A ndrew Carnegie b u il®^ a huge s®^eel
®fill in Pi®^®^sburgh and called i®^ ®^h e “Edgar Tho®f son S®^eel Works.”
H ere is a riddle. See if you can guess i®^. W h en ®^h e Pennsylvania
Railroad needed s®^eel rails, w h ere do you suppose J. Edgar T h o ®f
son bough®^ ®^ h e ®f ? . . . Fro®f Sears, Roebuck? No. No. You’re
wrong. Guess again. When Carnegie and George Pull®fan were ba®^®^ling each o ®^h e r
for supre®facy in ®^h e railroad sleeping-car business, ®^he S®^eel King
again re®f e®f bered ®^he lesson o f ®^he rabbi®^s. The Cen®^ral Transpor®^a®^ion Co®fpany, which Andrew Carnegie
con®^rolled, was figh®^ing wi®^h ®^h e co®fpany ®^h a ®^ Pull®fan owned. Bo®^h were s®^ruggling ®^o ge®^ ®^h e sleeping-car business of ®^he U nion
Pacific Railroad, bucking each o®^her, slashing prices, and des®^roy
ing all chance o f profi®^. Bo®^h Carnegie and Pull®f an had gone ®^o New York ®^o see ®^he board o f direc®^ors o f ®^h e Union Pacific.
Mee®^ing one evening in ®^he S®^. Nicholas H o®^el, Carnegie said:
“Good evening, Mr. Pull®fan, a re n ’®^ we ®faking a couple of fools
o f ourselves?”
“Wha®^ do you ®fean?” Pull®f an de®fanded.
Then Carnegie expressed w ha®^ he had on his ®find—a ®f erger
o f ®^heir ®^wo in®^eres®^s. He p ic ®^u re d in glowing ®^er®f s ®^he ®f u®^ual
advan®^ages of working wi®^h, ins®^ead of agains®^, each o®^her. Pull
®fan lis®^ened a®^®^en®^ively, bu®^ h e was no®^ wholly convinced. Finally
h e asked, “W ha®^ would you call ®^h e new co®fpany?” and Carnegie
replied pro®fp®^ly: “Why, ®^h e Pull®fan Palace C a r Co®fpany, o f
course.”
7 4 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
Pull®fan’s face brigh®^ened. “Co®fe in®^o ®fy roo®f,” h e said.
“Le®^’s ®^alk i®^ over.” Tha®^ ®^alk ®fade indus®^rial his®^ory.
This policy of re®f e®fbering and honoring ®^he na®fes o f his
friends and business associa®^es was one o f ®^h e secre®^s o f Andrew
Carnegie’s leadership. H e was proud of ®^h e fac®^ ®^ha®^ he could call
®fany of his fac®^ory workers by ®^heir firs®^ na®fes, and he boas®^ed
®^ha®^ while h e was personally in charge, no s®^rike ever dis®^urbed
his fla®fing s®^eel ®fills. Ben®^on Love, chair®fan o f Texas Co®f ®f erce Bancshares, b e
lieves ®^ha®^ ®^h e bigger a corpora®^ion ge®^s, ®^h e colder i®^ beco®fes. “One way ®^o war®f i®^ u p ,” he said, “is ®^o re®fe®fber p e o p le ’s
na®fes. T h e execu®^ive who ®^ells ®fe he can ’®^ re®fe®fber na®f es is
a®^ ®^he sa®fe ®^i®fe ®^elling ®f e he can’®^ re®f e ®f b er a significan®^ par®^
of his business and is opera®^ing on quicksand.” Karen Kirsch of Rancho Palos Verdes, California, a fligh®^ a ®^®^e n
dan®^ for TWA, ®fade i®^ a prac®^ice ®^o learn ®^h e na®fes of as ®fany
passengers in her cabin as possible and use ®^h e na®fe when serving ®^he®f. This resul®^ed in ®fany co®fpli®fen®^s on h e r service expressed
bo®^h ®^o h e r direc®^ly and ®^o ®^h e airline. O n e passenger wro®^e: “I
haven’®^ flown TWA for so®f e ®^i®fe, bu®^ I ’®f going ®^o s®^ar®^ flying
no®^hing b u ®^ TWA fro®f now on. You ®fake ®fe feel ®^h a ®^ your
airline has beco®fe a very personalized airline and ®^ha®^ is i®f por
®^an®^ ®^o ®f e.” People are so proud o f ®^h e ir na®fes ®^h a ®^ ®^hey s®^rive ®^o p e r p e ®^u
a®^e ®^he®f a®^ any cos®^. E ven blus®^ering, hardboiled old P. T. Bar-
nu®f, ®^he grea®^es®^ show®fan o f his ®^i®fe, disappoin®^ed because he
had no sons ®^o carry on his na®fe, offered his grandson, C. H. Seeley, $25,000 if he w ould call hi®fself “B a®f u®f ” Seeley. For ®fany cen®^uries, nobles and ®fagna®^es suppor®^ed ar®^is®^s, ®f u
sicians and au®^hors so ®^h a ®^ ®^h e ir crea®^ive works would be dedica®^ed
®^o ®^he®f.
Libraries and ®fuseu®fs owe ®^heir riches®^ collec®^ions ®^o people
who canno®^ bear ®^o ®^hink ®^h a ®^ ®^heir na®fes ®figh®^ perish fro®f ®^he
®fe®fory o f ®^h e race. The N ew York Public Library has i®^s As®^or
and Lenox collec®^ions. T h e Me®^ropoli®^an M useu®f perpe®^ua®^es ®^he
na®fes of Benja®fin Al®^®fan and J. P. Morgan. And nearly every
75 How
to W in F \biend\f and Influence People
church is beau®^ified by s®^ained-glass windows co®f®fe®fora®^ing ®^h e
na®fes of ®^heir donors. Many o f ®^h e buildings on ®^he ca®fpus o f ®fos®^ universi®^ies bear ®^he na®fes o f donors who con®^ribu®^ed large
su®fs of ®foney for ®^his honor. Mos®^ people don’®^ re®fe®fber na®fes, for ®^h e si®fple reason ®^h a ®^
®^hey don’®^ ®^ake ®^h e ®^i®fe and energy necessary ®^o concen®^ra®^e a n d
repea®^ and fix na®fes indelibly in ®^heir ®finds. T h ey ®fake excuses
for ®^he®fselves; ®^hey are ®^oo busy. Bu®^ ®^hey w ere probably no b u sier ®^han Franklin D. Roosevel®^,
and he ®^ook ®^i®f e ®^o re®f e®f ber and recall even ®^he na®fes o f
®fechanics wi®^h who®f he ca®fe in®^o con®^ac®^. To illus®^ra®^e: T he Chrysler organiza®^ion buil®^ a special car for
Mr. Roosevel®^, who could no®^ use a s®^andard car because his legs
w ere paralyzed. W. F. Cha®fberlain and a ®fechanic delivered i®^ ®^o ®^he Whi®^e House. I have in fron®^ of ®f e a le®^®^er fro®f Mr.
Cha®fberlain rela®^ing his experiences. “I ®^augh®^ Presiden®^ Roose
vel®^ how ®^o handle a car wi®^h a lo®^ of unusual gadge®^s, b u ®^ h e ®^augh®^ ®fe a lo®^ abou®^ ®^he fine a r®^ of handling people. “When I called a®^ ®^he W h i®^e House,” Mr. Cha®f berlain
wri®^es, “®^h e P resid en ®^ was ex®^re®f ely pleasan®^ a n d cheerful. H e
called ®fe by na®f e, ®fade ®fe feel very co®f for®^able, and p a r®^ic
ularly i®f p ressed ®fe wi®^h ®^h e fac®^ ®^ha®^ he was vi®^ally in ®^e re s®^e d
in ®^hings I h a d ®^o show hi®f and ®^ell hi®f . T he car was so designed ®^h a ®^ i®^ could be o p e ra ®^e d en®^irely by hand. A crow d
ga®^hered aro u n d ®^o look a®^ ®^h e car; and h e re®farked: ‘I ®^h in k
i®^ is ®farvelous. All you have ®^o do is ®^o ®^o u c h a bu®^®^on a n d i®^
®foves away a n d you can d riv e i®^ wi®^hou®^ effo r®^. I ®^hink i®^ is
grand— I d o n ’®^ know wha®^ ®f akes i®^ go. I ’d love ®^o have ®^h e
®^i®f e ®^o ®^e a r i®^ down and see h ow i®^ works.’ “When Roosevel®^’s friends a n d associa®^es ad®f ired ®^he ®fachine,
h e said in ®^h e ir presence: ‘Mr. Cha®fberlain, I cer®^ainly apprecia®^e
all ®^he ®^i®fe a n d effor®^ you have spen®^ in developing ®^his car. I ®^
is a ®figh®^y fine job.’ He ad®f ired ®^he radia®^or, ®^he special rear-
vision ®firror a n d clock, ®^he special spo®^ligh®^, ®^h e kind of uphols®^ery,
®^h e si®^®^ing posi®^ion of ®^he driver’s sea®^, ®^he special sui®^cases in ®^h e
®^runk wi®^h his ®fonogra®f on each sui®^case. In o®^her words, h e
7 6 Six Wa\fs to Make People Like You
®^ook no®^ice of every de®^ail ®^o which h e knew I had given consider able ®^hough®^. He ®f ade a poin®^ of bringing ®^hese various pieces
of equip®f en®^ ®^o ®^he a®^®^en®^ion of Mrs. Roosevel®^, Miss Perkins,
®^he Secre®^ary of Labor, and his secre®^ary. He even b ro u g h ®^ ®^he
old W hi®^e House p o r®^e r in®^o ®^he p ic ®^u re by saying, ‘George, you
wan®^ ®^o ®^ake par®^icularly good care o f ®^h e sui®^cases.’ “W hen ®^he driving lesson was finished, ®^he Presiden®^ ®^u rn ed ®^o
®fe and said: ‘Well, Mr. Cha®fberlain, I have been keeping ®^he
Federal Reserve Board wai®^ing ®^hir®^y ®finu®^es. I guess I h a d be®^®^er
ge®^ back ®^o work.’ “I ®^ook a ®fechanic w i®^h ®fe ®^o ®^he W h i®^e House. H e was in®^ro
duced ®^o Roosevel®^ w h e n he arrived. H e didn’®^ ®^alk ®^o ®^h e Presi den®^, and Roosevel®^ h e a rd his na®fe only once. H e was a shy
chap, a n d he kep®^ in ®^h e background. Bu®^ before leaving us, ®^he Presiden®^ looked for ®^h e ®fechanic, shook his hand, called hi®f by
na®fe, a n d ®^hanked hi®f for co®fing ®^o Washing®^on. And ®^h e re was
no®^hing perfunc®^ory ab o u ®^ his ®^hanks. H e ®fean®^ wha®^ h e said. I
could feel ®^ha®^. “A few days af®^er re®^urning ®^o New York, I go®^ an au®^ographed
pho®^ograph of Presiden®^ Roosevel®^ and a li®^®^le no®^e of ®^hanks again expressing his apprecia®^ion for ®fy assis®^ance. How he found ®^i®fe
®^o do i®^ is a ®fys®^ery ®^o ®f e.” Franklin D. Roosevel®^ knew ®^ha®^ o n e of ®^he si®fples®^, ®fos®^
obvious and ®fos®^ i®f p o r®^an ®^ ways o f gaining good will was by re®fe®fbering na®fes a n d ®faking people feel i®fpor®^an®^— ye®^ how
®fany o f us