Why do you think that Hilly has so much influence over Elizabeth and even Skeeter? Do you think Skeeter likes her very much? Why does she remain friends with her?

The H elp KATH RYN S T O CK ETT Penguin G ro up U SA Table o f C onte nts C opyrig ht P age D ed ic a tio n A IB IL EEN c hap te r 1 - A ugust 1 962 c hap te r 2 M IN NY c hap te r 3 c hap te r 4 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 5 c hap te r 6 A IB IL EEN c hap te r 7 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 8 c hap te r 9 M IN NY c hap te r 1 0 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 1 1 c hap te r 1 2 c hap te r 1 3 A IB IL EEN chap te r 1 4 chap te r 1 5 chap te r 1 6 MIN NY chap te r 1 7 chap te r 1 8 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 1 9 chap te r 2 0 chap te r 2 1 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 2 chap te r 2 3 MIN NY chap te r 2 4 TH E B EN EFIT chap te r 2 5 MIN NY chap te r 2 6 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 2 7 chap te r 2 8 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 9 MIN NY chap te r 3 0 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 1 MIN NY chap te r 3 2 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 3 3 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 4 Ack now le d gem en ts TO O L IT TLE , T O O L ATE ABO U T T H E A U TH OR AM Y E IN HORN B O OKS Pub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Publis h ers S in ce 1 838 Pub lis h ed b y th e P enguin G ro up Penguin G ro up ( U SA ) I n c., 3 75 H ud so n S tr e et, N ew Y ork , N ew Y ork 1 0014, U SA P enguin Gro up ( C anad a), 9 0 E glin to n A venue E ast, S uit e 7 00, T oro nto , O nta rio M 4P 2 Y 3, C anad a ( a d iv is io n o f Pears o n C anad a I n c.) P enguin B ooks L td , 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd P enguin Ire la nd , 2 5 S t S te p hen's G re en, D ub lin 2 , I re la nd ( a d iv is io n o f P enguin B ooks L td ) P enguin Gro up ( A ustr a lia ), 2 50 C am berw ell R oad , C am berw ell, V ic to ria 3 124, A ustr a lia ( a d iv is io n of P ears o n A ustr a lia G ro up P ty L td ) P enguin B ooks I n d ia P vt L td , 1 1 C om munit y C entr e , Panchsh eel P ark , N ew D elh i- 1 1 0 0 17, I n d ia P enguin G ro up ( N Z), 6 7 A pollo D riv e, R ose d ale , North S ho re 0 632, N ew Z eala nd ( a d iv is io n o f P ears o n N ew Z eala nd L td ) P enguin B ooks (S outh A fr ic a) ( P ty ) L td , 2 4 S tu rd ee A venue, R ose b ank , J o hannesb urg 2 196, S outh A fr ic a Penguin B ooks L td , R egis te re d O ffic es: 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd Fir s t p ub lis h ed in th e U nit e d S ta te s b y A my E in ho rn B ooks, p ub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Copyrig ht ( c ) 2 009 b y K ath ry n S to ck ett All r ig hts r e se rv ed . N o p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , s c anned , o r d is tr ib ute d in a ny prin te d or e le ctr o nic fo rm w it h o ut p erm is sio n. P le ase d o n o t p artic ip ate in o r e nco ura ge p ir a cy o f co pyrig hte d mate ria ls in v io la tio n o f th e a uth o r's r ig hts . P urc hase o nly a uth o riz e d e d it io ns.

Pub lis h ed s im ult a neo usly in C anad a A C IP c ata lo gue r e co rd o f th is b ook is a vaila b le fr o m th e U .S . L ib ra ry o f C ongre ss.

This is a w ork o f fic tio n. N am es, c hara cte rs , p la ces, a nd in cid ents e it h er a re th e p ro duct o f th e auth o r's im agin atio n o r a re u se d fic tit io usly , a nd a ny r e se m bla nce to a ctu al p ers o ns, liv in g o r d ead , busin esse s, c o m panie s, e vents , o r lo cale s is e ntir e ly c o in cid enta l.

While th e a uth o r h as m ad e e very e ffo rt to p ro vid e a ccura te te le p ho ne n um bers a nd I n te rn et ad dre sse s at th e tim e o f p ub lic atio n, n eit h er th e p ub lis h er n o r th e a uth o r a ssu m es a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r e rro rs , or fo r c hanges th at o ccur a fte r p ub lic atio n. F urth er, th e p ub lis h er d oes n o t h ave a ny c o ntr o l o ver and d oes n o t a ssu m e a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r a uth o r o r th ir d -p arty w eb sit e s o r th eir c o nte nt.

eIS B N : 9 78-1 -4 40-6 9763-0 http :/ /u s.p enguin gro up .c o m T o G ra nd ad dy S to ck ett, th e b est s to ry te lle r o f a ll AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 August 1 962 M AE M OBLEY w as b orn o n a e arly S und ay m orn in g in A ugust, 1 960. A c hurc h b ab y w e lik e to c all it . T ak in g c are a w hit e b ab ie s, th at's w hat I d o, a lo ng w it h a ll th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. I d one r a is e d s e vente en k id s in m y lif e tim e. I k no w h o w to g et th em b ab ie s to s le ep , s to p c ry in g, a nd g o in th e to ile t b ow l b efo re th ey m am as e ven g et o ut a b ed in th e m orn in g.

B ut I a in 't n ever s e en a b ab y y ell lik e M ae M oble y L eefo lt . F ir s t d ay I w alk in th e d oor, th ere s h e b e, r e d -h o t a nd h o lle rin g w it h th e c o lic , fig htin g th at b ottle lik e it 's a r o tte n tu rn ip . M is s L eefo lt , s h e l o ok te rrif ie d a h er o w n c hild . " W hat a m I d oin g w ro ng? W hy c an't I s to p it ? " I t?

T hat w as m y fir s t h in t: s o m eth in g is w ro ng w it h th is s it u atio n.

S o I to ok th at p in k , s c re am in g b ab y in m y a rm s. B ounced h er o n m y h ip to g et th e g as m ovin g a nd it d id n't ta k e tw o m in ute s fo re B ab y G ir l s to pped h er c ry in g, g o t to s m ilin g u p a t m e lik e s h e d o. B ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't p ic k u p h er o w n b ab y fo r th e r e st a th e d ay. I s e en p le nty a w om ens g et th e b ab y b lu es a fte r th ey d one b ir th in g. I r e ck on I th o ught th at's w hat it w as.

H ere 's s o m eth in g a b out M is s L eefo lt : s h e n o t ju st fr o w nin g a ll th e tim e, s h e s k in ny. H er le gs is s o s p in d ly , s h e lo ok lik e s h e d one g ro w ed e m la st w eek . T w enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e la nk y a s a f o urte en-y ear- o ld b oy. E ven h er h air is th in , b ro w n, s e e-th ro ugh. S he tr y to te ase it u p , b ut it o nly m ak e it lo ok th in ner. H er fa ce b e th e s a m e s h ap e a s th at r e d d evil o n th e r e d ho t c and y b ox, p oin ty c hin a nd a ll. F act, h er w ho le b ody b e s o fu ll a s h arp k no bs a nd c o rn ers , it 's n o w ond er s h e c an't s o oth e th at b ab y. B ab ie s lik e fa t. L ik e to b ury th ey fa ce u p in y o u a rm pit a nd g o to s le ep . T hey lik e b ig fa t le gs to o. T hat I k no w .

B y th e tim e s h e a y ear o ld , M ae M oble y fo llo w in g m e a ro und e verw here I g o . F iv e o 'c lo ck w ould c o m e r o und a nd s h e'd b e h angin g o n m y D r. S cho ll s h o e, d ra ggin g o ver th e flo or, c ry in g lik e I w ere n't n ever c o m in g b ack . M is s L eefo lt , s h e'd n arro w u p h er e yes a t m e lik e I d one s o m eth in g w ro ng, u nhit c h th at c ry in g b ab y o ff m y fo ot. I r e ck on th at's th e r is k y o u r u n, le ttin g s o m eb ody e ls e r a is e y o u c hillu ns.

M ae M oble y tw o y ears o ld n o w . S he g o t b ig b ro w n e yes a nd h o ney-c o lo r c urls . B ut th e b ald s p ot i n th e b ack o f h er h air k in d a th ro w th in gs o ff. S he g et th e s a m e w rin k le b etw een h er e yeb ro w s w hen s h e w orrie d , lik e h er m am a. T hey k in d a fa vo r e xcep t M ae M oble y s o fa t. S he a in 't g o ne b e n o b eauty q ueen. I th in k it b oth er M is s L eefo lt , b ut M ae M oble y m y s p ecia l b ab y.

I L O ST M Y O W N B O Y, T re elo re , r ig ht b efo re I s ta rte d w ait in g o n M is s L eefo lt . H e w as tw enty - f o ur y ears o ld . T he b est p art o f a p ers o n's lif e . I t ju st w asn 't e no ugh tim e liv in g in th is w orld .

H e h ad h im a lit tle a p artm ent o ver o n F ole y S tr e et. S eein g a r e al n ic e g ir l n am e F ra nces a nd I s p ec th ey w as g o ne g et m arrie d , b ut h e w as s lo w b out th in gs lik e th at. N ot c ause h e lo okin g fo r so m eth in g b ette r, ju st c ause h e th e th in k in g k in d . W ore b ig g la sse s a nd r e ad in g a ll th e tim e. H e e ven sta rt w rit in g h is o w n b ook, b out b ein g a c o lo re d m an liv in g a nd w ork in g in M is sis sip pi. L aw , th at mad e m e p ro ud . B ut o ne n ig ht h e w ork in g la te a t th e S canlo n-T aylo r m ill, lu ggin g tw o-b y-fo urs to th e tr u ck , s p lin te rs s lic in g a ll th e w ay th ro ugh th e g lo ve. H e to o s m all fo r th at k in d a w ork , to o sk in ny, b ut h e n eed ed th e jo b. H e w as tir e d . I t w as r a in in g. H e s lip o ff th e lo ad in g d ock , fe ll d ow n on th e d riv e. T ra cto r tr a ile r d id n't s e e h im a nd c ru sh ed h is lu ngs fo re h e c o uld m ove. B y th e tim e I fo und o ut, h e w as d ead .

That w as th e d ay m y w ho le w orld w ent b la ck . A ir lo ok b la ck , s u n lo ok b la ck . I la id u p in b ed a nd sta re d a t th e b la ck w alls a m y h o use . M in ny c am e e ver d ay to m ak e s u re I w as s till b re ath in g, fe ed me fo od to k eep m e liv in g. T ook th re e m onth s fo re I e ven lo ok o ut th e w in d ow , s e e if th e w orld s till th ere . I w as s u rp ris e to s e e th e w orld d id n't s to p ju st c ause m y b oy d id .

Fiv e m onth s a fte r th e fu nera l, I lif te d m yse lf u p o ut a b ed . I p ut o n m y w hit e u nif o rm a nd p ut m y lit tle go ld c ro ss b ack a ro und m y n eck a nd I w ent to w ait o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st h ave h er b ab y gir l. B ut it w ere n't to o lo ng b efo re I s e en s o m eth in g in m e h ad c hanged . A b it te r s e ed w as p la nte d in sid e a m e. A nd I ju st d id n't fe el s o a ccep tin g a nym ore .

"G ET T H E H O USE s tr a ig hte ned u p a nd th en g o o n a nd fix s o m e o f th at c hic k en s a la d n o w ," s a y Mis s L eefo lt .

It's b rid ge c lu b d ay. E very fo urth W ed nesd ay a th e m onth . A c o urs e I a lr e ad y g o t e verth in g r e ad y to go --m ad e th e c hic k en s a la d th is m orn in g, ir o ned th e ta b le clo th s y este rd ay. M is s L eefo lt s e en m e a t it to o. S he a in 't b ut tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e lik e h earin g h ers e lf te ll m e w hat to d o.

She a lr e ad y g o t th e b lu e d re ss o n I ir o ned th is m orn in g, th e o ne w it h six ty -fiv e p le ats o n th e w ais t, so tin y I g o t to s q uin t th ro ugh m y g la sse s to ir o n. I d on't h ate m uch in lif e , b ut m e a nd th at d re ss is not o n g o od te rm s.

"A nd y o u m ak e s u re M ae M oble y's n o t c o m in g in o n u s, n o w . I te ll y o u, I a m s o b urn ed u p a t h er- - to re u p m y g o od s ta tio nery in to fiv e th o usa nd p ie ces a nd I 'v e g o t fif te en th ank -y o u n o te s fo r th e Ju nio r L eague to d o . . ." I a rra nge th e-th is a nd th e-th at fo r h er la d y fr ie nd s. S et o ut th e g o od c ry sta l, p ut th e s ilv er s e rv ic e out. M is s L eefo lt d on't p ut u p n o d in k y c ard ta b le lik e th e o th er la d ie s d o. W e s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . P ut a c lo th o n to p to c o ver th e b ig L -sh ap ed c ra ck , m ove th at r e d flo w er c ente rp ie ce to th e sid eb oard to h id e w here th e w ood a ll s c ra tc hed . M is s L eefo lt , s h e lik e it fa ncy w hen s h e d o a lu ncheo n. M ayb e s h e tr y in g to m ak e u p fo r h er h o use b ein g s m all. T hey a in 't r ic h fo lk , th at I k no w .

Ric h fo lk d on't tr y s o h ard .

I'm u se d to w ork in g fo r y o ung c o up le s, b ut I s p ec th is is th e s m alle st h o use I e ver w ork ed in . I t's ju st th e o ne s to ry . H er a nd M is te r L eefo lt 's r o om in th e b ack b e a fa ir s iz e , b ut B ab y G ir l's r o om b e tin y. T he d in in g r o om a nd th e r e gula r liv in g r o om k in d a jo in u p . O nly tw o b ath ro om s, w hic h is a re lie f c ause I w ork ed in h o use s w here th ey w as fiv e o r s ix . T ak e a w ho le d ay ju st to c le an to ile ts .

Mis s L eefo lt d on't p ay b ut n in ety -fiv e c ents a n h o ur, le ss th an I b een p aid in y ears . B ut a fte r T re elo re die d , I to ok w hat I c o uld . L and lo rd w asn 't g o ne w ait m uch lo nger. A nd e ven th o ugh it 's s m all, M is s Leefo lt d one th e h o use u p n ic e a s s h e c an. S he p re tty g o od w it h th e s e w in g m achin e. A nyth in g s h e can't b uy n ew o f, s h e ju st g et h er s o m e b lu e m ate ria l a nd s e w it a c o ver.

The d oorb ell r in g a nd I o pen it u p .

"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, c ause s h e th e k in d th at s p eak to th e h elp . " H ow y o u?" "H ey, M is s S keete r. I 'm a lr ig ht. L aw , it 's h o t o ut th ere ." Mis s S keete r r e al ta ll a nd s k in ny. H er h air b e y ello w a nd c ut s h o rt a b ove h er s h o uld ers c ause s h e get th e fr iz z y ear r o und . S he tw enty -th re e o r s o , s a m e a s M is s L eefo lt a nd th e r e st o f e m . S he s e t her p ock etb ook o n th e c hair , k in d a it c h a ro und in h er c lo th es a s e co nd . S he w earin g a w hit e la ce blo use b utto ned u p lik e a n un, fla t s h o es s o I r e ck on s h e d on't lo ok a ny ta lle r. H er b lu e s k ir t g ap s open in th e w ais t. M is s S keete r a lw ays lo ok lik e s o m eb ody e ls e to ld h er w hat to w ear.

I h ear M is s H illy a nd h er m am a, M is s W alt e r, p ull u p th e d riv ew ay a nd to ot th e h o rn . M is s H illy don't liv e b ut te n fe et a w ay, b ut s h e a lw ays d riv e o ver. I le t h er in a nd s h e g o r ig ht p ast m e a nd I fig ure it 's a g o od tim e to g et M ae M oble y u p fr o m h er n ap .

Soon a s I w alk in h er n urs e ry , M ae M oble y s m ile a t m e, r e ach o ut h er fa t lit tle a rm s.

"Y ou a lr e ad y u p , B ab y G ir l? W hy y o u d id n't h o lle r fo r m e?" She la ugh, d ance a lit tle h ap py jig w ait in g o n m e to g et h er o ut. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug. I r e ck on s h e don't g et to o m any g o od h ugs lik e th is a fte r I g o h o m e. E ver s o o fte n, I c o m e to w ork a nd fin d h er baw lin g in h er c rib , M is s L eefo lt b usy o n th e s e w in g m achin e r o llin g h er e yes lik e it 's a s tr a y c at stu ck in th e s c re en d oor. S ee, M is s L eefo lt , s h e d re ss u p n ic e e ver d ay. A lw ays g o t h er m ak eup o n, go t a c arp ort, d oub le -d oor F rig id air e w it h th e b uilt - in ic eb ox. Y ou s e e h er in th e J it n ey 1 4 g ro cery , yo u n ever th in k s h e g o a nd le ave h er b ab y c ry in g in h er c rib lik e th at. B ut th e h elp a lw ays k no w .

Today is a g o od d ay th o ugh. T hat g ir l ju st g rin s.

I s a y, " A ib ile en." She s a y, " A ib -e e." I s a y, " L ove." She s a y, " L ove." I s a y, " M ae M oble y." She s a y, " A ib -e e." A nd th en s h e la ugh a nd la ugh. S he s o tic k le d s h e ta lk in g a nd I g o t to s a y, it 's ab out tim e. T re elo re d id n't s a y n o th in g till h e tw o e it h er. B y th e tim e h e in th ir d g ra d e, th o ugh, h e g et to ta lk in g b ette r th an th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s, c o m in g h o m e u sin g w ord s lik e co nju gatio n and parlia m en ta ry . H e g et in ju nio r h ig h a nd w e p la y th is g am e w here I g iv e h im a r e al s im ple w ord and h e g o t to c o m e u p w it h a fa ncy o ne lik e it . I s a y house ca t , h e s a y dom estic iz e d f e lin e , I s a y mix er a nd h e s a y moto riz e d r o tu nda.

O ne d ay I s a y Cris c o .

H e s c ra tc h h is h ead . H e ju st c an't belie ve I d one w on th e g am e w it h s o m eth in g s im ple a s Cris c o . C am e to b e a s e cre t jo ke w it h u s, meanin g s o m eth in g y o u c an't d re ss u p n o m atte r h o w y o u tr y . W e s ta rt c allin g h is d ad dy Cris c o cause y o u c an't fa ncy u p a m an d one r u n o ff o n h is fa m ily . P lu s h e th e g re asie st n o -c o unt y o u e ver kno w n.

I to te M ae M oble y in to th e k it c hen a nd p ut h er in h er h ig h c hair , th in k in g a b out tw o c ho re s I n eed to fin is h to day fo re M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit : s e p ara te th e n ap kin s th at s ta rte d to fr a y a nd s tr a ig hte n u p th e s ilv er s e rv ic e in th e c ab in et. L aw , I 'm o n h ave to d o it w hile th e la d ie s is h ere , I g uess.

I ta k e th e tr a y a d evil e ggs o ut to th e d in in g r o om . M is s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e h ead a nd to h er le ft b e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok a nd M is s H illy 's m am a, M is s W alt e r, w ho M is s H illy d on't tr e at w it h n o re sp ect. A nd th en o n M is s L eefo lt 's r ig ht b e M is s S keete r.

I m ak e th e e gg r o und s, s ta rtin g w it h o le M is s W alt e r fir s t c ause s h e th e e ld er. I t's w arm in h ere , b ut sh e g o t a th ic k b ro w n s w eate r d ro oped a ro und h er s h o uld ers . S he s c o op a e gg u p a nd n ear b out dro p it c ause s h e g ettin g th e p als y. T hen I m ove o ver to M is s H illy a nd s h e s m ile a nd ta k e tw o. M is s Hilly g o t a r o und fa ce a nd d ark b ro w n h air in th e b eehiv e. H er s k in b e o liv e c o lo r, w it h fr e ck le s a nd mole s. S he w ear a lo t a r e d p la id . A nd s h e g ettin g h eavy in th e b otto m . T oday, s in ce it 's s o h o t, s h e wearin g a r e d s le evele ss d re ss w it h n o w ais t to it . S he o ne a th o se g ro w n la d ie s th at s till d re ss lik e a lit tle g ir l w it h b ig b ow s a nd m atc hin g h ats a nd s u ch. S he a in 't m y fa vo rit e .

I m ove o ver to M is s S keete r, b ut s h e w rin k le h er n o se u p a t m e a nd s a y, " N o, th ank s," c ause s h e don't e at n o e ggs. I te ll M is s L eefo lt e ver tim e s h e h ave th e b rid ge c lu b a nd s h e m ak e m e d o th em eggs a nyw ays. S he s c are d M is s H illy b e d is a p poin te d .

Fin ally , I d o M is s L eefo lt . S he th e h o ste ss s o s h e g o t to p ic k u p h er e ggs la st. A nd s o on a s I 'm done, M is s H illy s a y, " D on't m in d if I d o," a nd s n atc h h ers e lf tw o m ore e ggs, w hic h d on't s u rp ris e me.

"G uess w ho I r a n in to a t th e b eauty p arlo r? " M is s H illy s a y to th e la d ie s.

"W ho 's th at? " a sk M is s L eefo lt .

"C elia F oote . A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e a sk ed m e? I f s h e c o uld h elp w it h th e B enefit th is y ear." "G ood," M is s S keete r s a y. " W e n eed it ." "N ot th at b ad , w e d on't . I to ld h er, I s a id , 'C elia , y o u h ave to b e a L eague m em ber o r a s u sta in er to partic ip ate .' W hat d oes s h e th in k th e J a ck so n L eague is ? O pen r u sh ?" "A re n't w e ta k in g n o nm em bers th is y ear? S in ce th e B enefit 's g o tte n s o b ig ?" M is s S keete r a sk .

"W ell, y es," M is s H illy s a y. " B ut I w asn 't a b out to te ll her th at." "I c an't b elie ve J o hnny m arrie d a g ir l s o ta ck y lik e s h e is ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd M is s H illy n o d. S he sta rt d ealin g o ut th e b rid ge c ard s. I s p oon o ut th e c o ngeale d s a la d a nd th e h am s a nd w ic hes, c an't h elp b ut lis te n to th e c hatte r. O nly th re e th in gs th em la d ie s ta lk a b out: th ey k id s, th ey c lo th es, a nd th ey fr ie nd s. I h ear th e w ord Ken ned y , I k no w th ey a in 't d is c ussin g n o p olit ic . T hey ta lk in g a b out w hat M is s J a ck ie d one w ore o n th e te e-v ee.

When I g et a ro und to M is s W alt e r, s h e d on't ta k e b ut o ne lit tle o ld h alf a s a nd w ic h fo r h ers e lf .

"M am a," M is s H illy y ell a t M is s W alt e r, " T ak e a no th er s a nd w ic h. Y ou a re s k in ny a s a te le p ho ne pole ." M is s H illy lo ok o ver a t th e r e st a th e ta b le . " I k eep te llin g h er, if th at M in ny c an't c o ok s h e need s to ju st g o o n a nd fir e h er." My e ars p erk u p a t th is . T hey ta lk in g b out th e h elp . I 'm b est fr ie nd s w it h M in ny.

"M in ny c o oks fin e," s a y o le M is s W alt e r. " I'm ju st n o t s o h ungry lik e I u se d to b e." Min ny n ear b out th e b est c o ok in H in d s C ounty , m ayb e e ven a ll a M is sis sip pi. T he J u nio r L eague Benefit c o m e a ro und e ver fa ll a nd th ey b e w antin g h er to m ak e te n c ara m el c ak es to a uctio n o ff. S he ought a b e th e m ost s o ught- a fte r h elp in th e s ta te . P ro ble m is , M in ny g o t a m outh o n h er. S he a lw ays ta lk in g b ack . O ne d ay it b e th e w hit e m anager a th e J it n ey J u ngle g ro cery , n ext d ay it b e h er husb and , a nd e ver d ay it 's g o ne b e th e w hit e la d y s h e w ait in g o n. T he o nly r e aso n s h e w ait in g o n Mis s W alt e r s o lo ng is M is s W alt e r b e d eaf a s a d oe-n o b.

"I th in k y o u'r e m aln utr it io ned , M am a," h o lle r M is s H illy . " T hat M in ny is n 't fe ed in g y o u s o th at s h e can s te al e very la st h eir lo om I h ave le ft." M is s H illy h uff o ut a h er c hair . " I'm g o in g to th e p ow der ro om . Y 'a ll w atc h h er in c ase s h e c o lla p se s d ead o f h unger." When M is s H illy g o ne, M is s W alt e r s a y r e al lo w , " I b et y o u'd lo ve th at." E verb ody a ct lik e th ey did n't h ear. I b ette r c all M in ny to nig ht, te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .

In th e k it c hen, B ab y G ir l's u p in h er h ig h c hair , g o t p urp le ju ic e a ll o ver h er fa ce. S oon a s I w alk in , sh e s m ile . S he d on't m ak e n o fu ss b ein g in h ere b y h ers e lf , b ut I h ate to le ave h er to o lo ng. I k no w sh e s ta re a t th at d oor r e al q uie t till I c o m e b ack .

I p at h er lit tle s o ft h ead a nd g o b ack o ut to p our th e ic e te a. M is s H illy 's b ack in h er c hair lo okin g a ll bow ed u p a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w .

"O h H illy , I w is h y o u'd u se th e g uest b ath ro om ," s a y M is s L eefo lt , r e arra ngin g h er c ard s. " A ib ile en doesn 't c le an in th e b ack u ntil a fte r lu nch." Hilly r a is e h er c hin u p . T hen s h e g iv e o ne a h er " a h-h em 's ." S he g o t th is w ay a c le arin g h er th ro at re al d elic ate -lik e th at g et e verb ody's a tte ntio n w it h o ut th ey e ven k no w in g s h e m ad e e m d o it .

"B ut th e g uest b ath ro om 's w here th e h elp g o es," M is s H illy s a y.

Nobody s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd . T hen M is s W alt e r n o d, lik e s h e e xp la in in g it a ll. " S he's u p se t cause th e N ig ra u se s th e in sid e b ath ro om a nd s o d o w e." Law , n o t th is m ess a gain . T hey a ll lo ok o ver a t m e s tr a ig hte nin g th e s ilv er d ra w er in th e s id eb oard and I k no w it 's tim e fo r m e to le ave. B ut b efo re I c an g et th e la st s p oon in th ere , M is s L eefo lt g iv e me th e lo ok, s a y, " G o g et s o m e m ore te a, A ib ile en." I g o lik e s h e te ll m e to , e ven th o ugh th ey c up s is fu ll to th e r im .

I s ta nd a ro und th e k it c hen a m in ute b ut I a in 't g o t n o th in g le ft to d o in th ere . I n eed to b e in th e d in in g ro om s o I c an fin is h m y s ilv er s tr a ig hte nin g. A nd I s till g o t th e n ap kin c ab in et to s o rt th ro ugh to day but it 's in th e h all, r ig ht o uts id e w here th ey s e ttin g. I d on't w ant a s ta y la te ju st c ause M is s L eefo lt pla yin g c ard s.

I w ait a fe w m in ute s, w ip e a c o unte r. G iv e B ab y G ir l m ore h am a nd s h e g o bble it u p . F in ally , I s lip out to th e h all, p ra y n o body s e e m e.

All fo ur o f e m g o t a c ig are tte in o ne h and , th ey c ard s in th e o th er. " E liz a b eth , if y o u h ad th e c ho ic e," I hear M is s H illy s a y, " w ould n't y o u r a th er th em ta k e th eir b usin ess o uts id e?" Real q uie t, I o pen th e n ap kin d ra w er, m ore c o ncern ed a b out M is s L eefo lt s e ein g m e th an w hat th ey sa yin g. T his ta lk a in 't n ew s to m e. E verw here in to w n th ey g o t a c o lo re d b ath ro om , a nd m ost th e ho use s d o to o. B ut I lo ok o ver a nd M is s S keete r's w atc hin g m e a nd I fr e eze , th in k in g I 'm a b out to get in tr o ub le .

"I b id o ne h eart," M is s W alt e r s a y.

"I d on't k no w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, fr o w nin g a t h er c ard s, " W it h R ale ig h s ta rtin g h is o w n b usin ess a nd ta x s e aso n n o t fo r s ix m onth s . . . th in gs a re r e al tig ht fo r u s r ig ht n o w ." Mis s H illy ta lk s lo w , lik e s h e s p re ad in g ic in g o n a c ak e. " Y ou ju st te ll R ale ig h e very p enny h e s p end s on th at b ath ro om h e'll g et b ack w hen y 'a ll s e ll th is h o use ." S he n o d lik e s h e a gre ein g w it h h ers e lf .

"A ll th ese h o use s th ey'r e b uild in g w it h o ut m aid 's q uarte rs ? I t's ju st p la in d angero us. E very b ody kno w s th ey c arry d if fe re nt k in d s o f d is e ase s th an w e d o. I d oub le ." I p ic k u p a s ta ck a n ap kin s. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut a ll a s u d den I w ant a h ear w hat M is s L eefo lt go ne s a y to th is . S he m y b oss. I g uess e verb ody w ond er w hat th ey b oss th in k a th em .

"It w ould b e n ic e," M is s L eefo lt s a y, ta k in g a lit tle p uff a h er c ig are tte , " n o t h avin g h er u se th e o ne in th e h o use . I b id th re e s p ad es." "T hat's e xactly w hy I 'v e d esig ned th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e," M is s H illy s a y. " A s a dis e ase -p re venta tiv e m easu re ." I'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w tig ht m y th ro at g et. I t's a s h am e I le arn ed to k eep d ow n a lo ng tim e a go .

Mis s S keete r lo ok r e al c o nfu se d . " T he H om e... th e w hat? " "A b ill th at r e q uir e s e very w hit e h o m e to h ave a s e p ara te b ath ro om fo r th e c o lo re d h elp . I 'v e e ven no tif ie d th e s u rg eo n g enera l o f M is sis sip pi to s e e if h e'll e nd ors e th e id ea. I p ass." Mis s S keete r, s h e fr o w nin g a t M is s H illy . S he s e t h er c ard s d ow n fa ceup a nd s a y r e al m atte r- a -fa ct, "M ayb e w e o ught to ju st b uild y o u a b ath ro om o uts id e, H illy ." And L aw , d o th at r o om g et q uie t.

Mis s H illy s a y, " I d on't th in k y o u o ught to b e jo kin g a ro und a b out th e c o lo re d s it u atio n. N ot if y o u want to s ta y o n a s e d it o r o f th e L eague, S keete r P hela n." Mis s S keete r k in d a la ugh, b ut I c an te ll s h e d on't th in k it 's fu nny. " W hat, y o u'd . . . k ic k m e o ut?

For d is a gre ein g w it h y o u?" Mis s H illy r a is e a e yeb ro w . " I w ill d o w hate ver I h ave to d o to p ro te ct o ur to w n. Y our le ad , M am a." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd d on't c o m e o ut a gain till I h ear th e d oor c lo se a fte r M is s H illy 's b ehin d .

WHEN I K NOW M is s H IL LY G O NE, I p ut M ae M oble y in h er p la yp en, d ra g th e g arb age b in o ut to th e s tr e et c ause th e tr u ck 's c o m in g b y to day. A t th e to p a th e d riv ew ay, M is s H illy a nd h er c ra zy mam a n ear b out b ack o ver m e in th ey c ar, th en y ell o ut a ll fr ie nd ly h o w s o rry th ey is . I w alk in th e ho use , g la d I a in 't g o t tw o n ew b ro ken le gs.

When I g o in th e k it c hen, M is s S keete r's in th ere . S he le anin g a gain st th e c o unte r, g o t a s e rio us lo ok on h er fa ce, e ven m ore s e rio us th an u su al. " H ey, M is s S keete r. I g et y o u s o m eth in g?" She g la nce o ut a t th e d riv e w here M is s L eefo lt 's ta lk in g to M is s H illy th ro ugh h er c ar w in d ow . " N o, I'm ju st . . . w ait in g." I d ry a tr a y w it h a to w el. W hen I s n eak a lo ok o ver, s h e's s till g o t h er w orrie d e yes o n th at w in d ow .

She d on't lo ok lik e o th er la d ie s, b ein g s h e s o ta ll. S he g o t r e al h ig h c heek bones. B lu e e yes th at tu rn dow n, g iv in g h er a s h y w ay a b out h er. I t's q uie t, e xcep t fo r th e lit tle r a d io o n th e c o unte r, p la yin g th e go sp el s ta tio n. I w is h s h e'd g o o n o ut a h ere .

"Is th at P re acher G re en's s e rm on y o u'r e p la yin g o n th e r a d io ?" s h e a sk .

"Y es m a'a m , it is ." Mis s S keete r k in d a s m ile . " T hat r e m in d s m e s o m uch o f m y m aid g ro w in g u p ." "O h I k new C onsta ntin e," I s a y.

Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes fr o m th e w in d ow to m e. " S he r a is e d m e, d id y o u k no w th at? " I n o d, w is h in g I h ad n't s a id n o th in g. I k no w to o m uch a b out th at s it u atio n.

"I'v e b een tr y in g to g et a n a d dre ss fo r h er fa m ily in C hic ago ," s h e s a y, " b ut n o body c an te ll m e anyth in g." "I d on't h ave it e it h er, m a'a m ." Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes b ack to th e w in d ow , o n M is s H illy 's B uic k . S he s h ak e h er h ead , ju st a lit tle . " A ib ile en, th at ta lk in th ere . . . H illy 's ta lk , I m ean . . ." I p ic k u p a c o ffe e c up , s ta rt d ry in g it r e al g o od w it h m y c lo th .

"D o y o u e ver w is h y o u c o uld ... c hange th in gs? " s h e a sk s.

And I c an't h elp m yse lf . I lo ok a t h er h ead o n. C ause th at's o ne a th e s tu p id est q uestio ns I e ver heard . S he g o t a c o nfu se d , d is g uste d lo ok o n h er fa ce, lik e s h e d one s a lt e d h er c o ffe e in ste ad a su gare d it .

I tu rn b ack to m y w ash in g, s o s h e d on't s e e m e r o llin g m y e yes. " O h n o , m a'a m , e verth in g's fin e." "B ut th at ta lk in th ere , a b out th e bath ro om --" a nd s m ack o n th at w ord , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e kit c hen.

"O h, th ere y o u a re , S keete r." S he lo ok a t u s b oth k in d a fu nny. " I'm s o rry , d id I . . . in te rru p t so m eth in g?" W e b oth s ta nd th ere , w ond erin g w hat s h e m ig ht a h eard .

"I h ave to r u n," M is s S keete r s a ys. " S ee y o u to m orro w , E liz a b eth ." S he o pen th e b ack d oor, s a y, "T hank s, A ib ile en, fo r lu nch," a nd s h e g o ne.

I g o in th e d in in g r o om , s ta rt c le arin g th e b rid ge ta b le . A nd ju st lik e I k new s h e w ould , M is s L eefo lt co m e in b ehin d m e w earin g h er u p se t s m ile . H er n eck 's s tic k in g o ut lik e s h e fix in g to a sk m e so m eth in g. S he d on't lik e m e ta lk in g to h er fr ie nd s w hen s h e a in 't a ro und , n ever h as. A lw ays w antin g to k no w w hat w e s a yin g. I g o r ig ht o n p ast h er in to th e k it c hen. I p ut B ab y G ir l in h er h ig h c hair a nd sta rt c le anin g th e o ven.

Mis s L eefo lt fo llo w m e in th ere , e yeb all a b uck et a C ris c o , p ut it d ow n. B ab y G ir l h o ld h er a rm s o ut fo r h er m am a to p ic k h er u p , b ut M is s L eefo lt o pen a c ab in et, a ct lik e s h e d on't s e e. T hen s h e s la m it c lo se , o pen a no th er o ne. F in ally s h e ju st s ta nd th ere . I 'm d ow n o n m y h and s a nd k nees. P re tty so on m y h ead 's s o fa r in th at o ven I lo ok lik e I 'm tr y in g to g as m yse lf .

"Y ou a nd M is s S keete r lo oked lik e y o u w ere ta lk in g a w fu l s e rio us a b out s o m eth in g." "N o m a'a m , s h e ju st... a sk in g d o I w ant s o m e o ld c lo th es," I s a y a nd it s o und lik e I 'm d ow n in a well- h o le . G re ase a lr e ad y w ork in g it s e lf u p m y a rm s. S m ell lik e a u nd era rm in h ere . D on't ta k e n o tim e fo re s w eat's r u nnin g d ow n m y n o se a nd e ver tim e I s c ra tc h a t it , I g et a p lu g a c ru d o n m y fa ce.

Got to b e th e w ors t p la ce in th e w orld , in sid e a o ven. Y ou in h ere , y o u e it h er c le anin g o r y o u g ettin g co oked . T onig ht I ju st k no w I 'm o n h ave th at d re am I 'm s tu ck in sid e a nd th e g as g ets tu rn ed o n. B ut I k eep m y h ead in th at a w fu l p la ce c ause I 'd r a th er b e a nyw here s id es a nsw erin g M is s L eefo lt 's questio ns a b out w hat M is s S keete r w as tr y in g to s a y to m e. A sk in g d o I w ant to ch ange th in gs.

Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt h uff a nd g o o ut to th e c arp ort. I fig ure s h e lo okin g a t w here s h e g o ne b uild me m y n ew c o lo re d b ath ro om .

ch ap te r 2 Y O U'D N EV ER K NOW I T liv in g h ere , b ut J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, b e fille d w it h tw o h und re d t h o usa nd p eo ple s. I s e e th em n um bers in th e p ap er a nd I g o t to w ond er, w here d o th em p eo ple s l iv e? U nd erg ro und ? C ause I k no w ju st a b out e verb ody o n m y s id e a th e b rid ge a nd p le nty a w hit e f a m ilie s to o, a nd th at s u re d on't a d d u p to b e n o tw o h und re d th o usa nd .

S ix d ays a w eek , I ta k e th e b us a cro ss th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge to w here M is s L eefo lt a nd a ll h er w hit e fr ie nd s liv e, in a n eig hb orh o od c all B elh aven. R ig ht n ext to B elh aven b e th e d ow nto w n a nd t h e s ta te c ap it a l. C ap it o l b uild in g is r e al b ig , p re tty o n th e o uts id e b ut I n ever b een in it . I w ond er w hat th ey p ay to c le an th at p la ce.

D ow n th e r o ad fr o m B elh aven is w hit e W oodla nd H ills , th en S herw ood F ore st, w hic h is m ile s a b ig l iv e o ak s w it h th e m oss h angin g d ow n. N obody liv in g in it y et, b ut it 's th ere fo r w hen th e w hit e fo lk s i s r e ad y to m ove s o m ew here e ls e n ew . T hen it 's th e c o untr y , o ut w here M is s S keete r liv e o n th e L ongle af c o tto n p la nta tio n. S he d on't k no w it , b ut I p ic k ed c o tto n o ut th ere in 1 931, d urin g th e D ep re ssio n, w hen w e d id n't h ave n o th in g to e at b ut s ta te c heese .

S o J a ck so n's ju st o ne w hit e n eig hb orh o od a fte r th e n ext a nd m ore s p rin gin g u p d ow n th e r o ad . B ut t h e c o lo re d p art a to w n, w e o ne b ig a nth ill, s u rro und ed b y s ta te la nd th at a in 't fo r s a le . A s o ur n um bers g et b ig ger, w e c an't s p re ad o ut. O ur p art a to w n ju st g ets th ic k er.

I g et o n th e n um ber s ix b us th at a fte rn o on, w hic h g o es fr o m B elh aven to F aris h S tr e et. T he b us t o day is n o th in g b ut m aid s h ead in g h o m e in o ur w hit e u nif o rm s. W e a ll c hattin g a nd s m ilin g a t e ach o th er lik e w e o w n it - -n o t c ause w e m in d if th ey's w hit e p eo ple o n h ere , w e s it a nyw here w e w ant to n o w th ank s to M is s P ark s--ju st c ause it 's a fr ie nd ly fe elin g.

I s p ot M in ny in th e b ack c ente r s e at. M in ny s h o rt a nd b ig , g o t s h in y b la ck c urls . S he s e ttin g w it h h er l e gs s p la yed , h er th ic k a rm s c ro sse d . S he s e vente en y ears y o unger th an I a m . M in ny c o uld p ro bab ly l if t th is b us u p o ver h er h ead if s h e w ante d to . O ld la d y lik e m e's lu ck y to h ave h er a s a fr ie nd .

I ta k e th e s e at in fr o nt a h er, tu rn a ro und a nd lis te n. E verb ody lik e to lis te n to M in ny.

" . . . s o I s a id , M is s W alt e rs , th e w orld d on't w ant a s e e y o ur n ak ed w hit e b ehin d a ny m ore th an t h ey w ant a s e e m y b la ck o ne. N ow , g et in th is h o use a nd p ut y o ur u nd erp ants a nd s o m e c lo th es o n." " O n th e fr o nt p orc h? N ak ed ?" K ik i B ro w n a sk .

" H er b ehin d h angin g to h er k nees." T he b us is la ughin g a nd c huck lin g a nd s h ak in g th ey h ead s.

" L aw , th at w om an c ra zy," K ik i s a y. " I d on't k no w h o w y o u a lw ays s e em to g et th e c ra zy o nes, M in ny." " O h, lik e y o ur M is s P atte rs o n a in 't ? " M in ny s a y to K ik i. " S ho ot, s h e c all th e r o ll a th e c ra zy la d y c lu b ." T he w ho le b us b e la ughin g n o w c ause M in ny d on't lik e n o body ta lk in g b ad a b out h er w hit e l a d y e xcep t h ers e lf . T hat's h er jo b a nd s h e o w n th e r ig hts . The b us c ro ss th e b rid ge a nd m ak e th e fir s t s to p in th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od. A d oze n o r s o m aid s get o ff. I g o s e t in th e o pen s e at n ext to M in ny. S he s m ile , b um p m e h ello w it h h er e lb ow . T hen s h e re la x b ack in h er s e at c ause s h e d on't h ave to p ut o n n o s h o w fo r m e.

"H ow y o u d oin g? Y ou h ave to ir o n p le ats th is m orn in g?" I la ugh, n o d m y h ead . " T ook m e a h o ur a nd a h alf ." "W hat y o u fe ed M is s W alt e rs a t b rid ge c lu b to day? I w ork ed a ll m orn in g m ak in g th at fo ol a c ara m el cak e a nd th en s h e w ould n't e at a c ru m b." That m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat M is s H illy s a y a t th e ta b le to day. A ny o th er w hit e la d y a nd n o o ne would c are , b ut w e'd a ll w ant a k no w if M is s H illy a fte r u s. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to p ut it .

I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l g o b y, th e fr u it s ta nd . " I th in k I h eard M is s H illy s a y so m eth in g a b out th at, b out h er m am a g ettin g s k in ny." I s a y th is c are fu l a s I c an. " S ay m ayb e s h e gettin g m al- n utr it io us." Min ny lo ok a t m e. " S he d id , d id s h e?" J u st th e n am e m ak e h er e yes n arro w . " W hat e ls e M is s H illy sa y?" I b ette r ju st g o o n a nd s a y it . " I th in k s h e g o t h er e ye o n y o u, M in ny. J u st . . . b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und her." "M is s H illy o ught to b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und me.

W hat s h e s a y, I c an't c o ok? S he s a y th at o ld b ag a bones a in 't e atin g c ause I c an't fe ed h er? " M in ny s ta nd u p , th ro w h er p urs e u p o n h er a rm .

"I'm s o rry , M in ny, I o nly to ld y o u s o y o u s ta y o ut a h er- -" "S he e ver s a y th at to m e, s h e g o ne g et a p ie ce a M in ny fo r lu nch." S he h uff d ow n th e s te p s.

I w atc h h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow , s to m pin g o ff to w ard h er h o use . M is s H illy a in 't s o m eb ody to m ess wit h . L aw , m ayb e I s h o uld a ju st k ep t it to m yse lf .

A C O UPLE M ORN IN GS L ATER , I g et o ff th e b us, w alk th e b lo ck to M is s L eefo lt 's h o use .

Park ed in fr o nt is a o ld lu m ber tr u ck . T hey's tw o c o lo re d m ens in sid e, o ne d rin k in g a c up a c o ffe e, th e o th er a sle ep s e ttin g s tr a ig ht u p . I g o o n p ast, in to th e k it c hen.

Mis te r R ale ig h L eefo lt s till a t h o m e th is m orn in g, w hic h is r a re . W henever h e h ere , h e lo ok lik e h e ju st c o untin g th e m in ute s till h e g et to g o b ack to h is a cco untin g jo b. E ven o n S atu rd ay. B ut to day h e carry in g o n b out s o m eth in g.

"T his is m y d am n h o use a nd I p ay fo r w hat g o ddam n g o es in it ! " M is te r L eefo lt y ell. Mis s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep u p b ehin d h im w it h th at s m ile th at m ean s h e a in 't h ap py. I h id e o ut in th e wash ro om . I t's b een tw o d ays s in ce th e b ath ro om ta lk c o m e u p a nd I w as h o pin g it w as o ver.

Mis te r L eefo lt o pens th e b ack d oor to lo ok a t th e tr u ck s e ttin g th ere , s la m it b ack c lo se a gain .

"I p ut u p w it h th e n ew c lo th es, a ll th e d am n tr ip s to N ew O rle ans w it h y o ur s o ro rit y s is te rs , b ut th is ta k es th e g o ddam n c ak e." "B ut it 'll in cre ase th e v alu e o f th e h o use . H illy s a id s o !" I 'm s till in th e w ash ro om , b ut I c an a lm ost hear M is s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep th at s m ile o n h er fa ce.

"W e c an't a ffo rd it ! A nd w e d o n o t ta k e o rd ers fr o m th e H olb ro oks!" Everth in g g et r e al q uie t fo r a m in ute . T hen I h ear th e pap-p ap a lit tle fe etu m p aja m as.

"D a-d ee?" I c o m e o ut th e w ash ro om a nd in to th e k it c hen th en c ause M ae M oble y's m y b usin ess.

Mis te r L eefo lt a lr e ad y k neelin g d ow n to h er. H e's w earin g a s m ile lo ok lik e it 's m ad e o ut a r u b ber.

"G uess w hat, h o ney?" She s m ile b ack . S he w ait in g fo r a g o od s u rp ris e .

"Y ou'r e n o t g o in g to c o lle ge s o y o ur m am a's fr ie nd s d on't h ave to u se th e s a m e b ath ro om a s th e maid ." He s to m p o ff a nd s la m th e d oor s o h ard it m ak e B ab y G ir l b lin k .

Mis s L eefo lt lo ok d ow n a t h er, s ta rt s h ak in g h er fin ger. " M ae M oble y, y o u k no w y o u'r e n o t su p pose d to c lim b u p o ut o f y o ur c rib !" Bab y G ir l, s h e lo okin g a t th e d oor h er d ad dy s la m med , s h e lo okin g a t h er m am a fr o w nin g d ow n a t her. M y b ab y, s h e s w allo w in g it b ack , lik e s h e tr y in g r e al h ard n o t to c ry .

I r u sh p ast M is s L eefo lt , p ic k B ab y G ir l u p . I w his p er, " L et's g o o n in th e liv in g r o om a nd p la y w it h th e ta lk in g to y. W hat th at d onk ey s a y?" "S he k eep s g ettin g u p . I p ut h er b ack in b ed th re e tim es th is m orn in g." "C ause s o m eb ody n eed s c hangin g. W ho ooow eeee." Mis s L eefo lt tis k , s a y, " W ell I d id n't r e aliz e . . ." b ut s h e a lr e ad y s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th e lu m ber tr u ck .

I g o o n to th e b ack , s o m ad I 'm s to m pin g. B ab y G ir l b een in th at b ed s in ce e ig ht o 'c lo ck la st n ig ht, a co urs e s h e n eed c hangin g! M is s L eefo lt tr y to s it in tw elv e h o urs w orth a b ath ro om m ess w it h o ut gettin g u p !

I la y B ab y G ir l o n th e c hangin g ta b le , tr y to k eep m y m ad in sid e. B ab y G ir l s ta re u p a t m e w hile I ta k e o ff h er d ia p er. T hen s h e r e ach o ut h er lit tle h and . S he to uch m y m outh r e al s o ft.

"M ae M o b een b ad ," s h e s a y.

"N o, b ab y, y o u a in 't b een b ad ," I s a y, s m ooth in g h er h air b ack . " Y ou b een g o od. R eal g o od." I L IV E O n G ESSU M A V EN UE, w here I b een r e ntin g s in ce 1 942. Y ou c o uld s a y G essu m g o t a lo t a p ers o nalit y . T he h o use s a ll b e s m all, b ut e very fr o nt y ard 's d if fe re nt- -so m e s c ru b by a nd g ra ssle ss lik e a b ald -h ead ed o ld m an. O th ers g o t a za le a b ush es a nd r o se s a nd th ic k g re en g ra ss. M y y ard , I re ck on it b e s o m ew here in b etw een.

I g o t a fe w r e d c am ellia b ush es o ut fr o nt a th e h o use . M y g ra ss b e k in d a s p otty a nd I s till g o t a b ig yello w m ark w here T re elo re 's p ic k up s a t fo r th re e m onth s a fte r th e a ccid ent. I a in 't g o t n o tr e es. B ut th e b ack yard , n o w it lo oks lik e th e G ard en o f E den. T hat's w here m y n ext- d oor n eig hb or, I d a P eek , go t h er v egeta b le p atc h.

Id a a in 't g o t n o b ack yard to s p eak o f w hat w it h a ll h er h usb and 's ju nk --c ar e ngin es a nd o ld re fr ig era to rs a nd tir e s. S tu ff h e s a y h e g o ne fix b ut n ever d o. S o I te ll I d a s h e c o m e p la nt o n m y s id e.

That w ay I d on't h ave n o m ow in g to te nd to a nd s h e le t m e p ic k w hate ver I n eed , s a ve m e tw o o r th re e d olla rs e ver w eek . S he p ut u p w hat w e d on't e at, g iv e m e ja rs fo r th e w in te r s e aso n. G ood tu rn ip g re ens, e ggp la nt, o kra b y th e b ush el, a ll k in d a g o urd s. I d on't k no w h o w s h e k eep th em b ugs out a h er to m ato es, b ut s h e d o. A nd th ey g o od.

That e venin g, it 's r a in in g h ard o uts id e. I p ull o ut a ja r a I d a P eek 's c ab bage a nd to m ato , e at m y la st slic e a le fto ver c o rn b re ad . T hen I s e t d ow n to lo ok o ver m y fin ances c ause tw o th in gs d one h ap pen:

th e b us g o ne u p to fif te en c ents a r id e a nd m y r e nt g o ne u p to tw enty -n in e d olla rs a m onth . I w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt e ig ht to fo ur, s ix d ays a w eek e xcep t S atu rd ays. I g et p aid fo rty -th re e d olla rs e ver Frid ay, w hic h c o m e to $ 172 a m onth . T hat m eans a fte r I p ay th e lig ht b ill, th e w ate r b ill, th e g as b ill, and th e te le p ho ne b ill, I g o t th ir te en d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents a w eek le ft fo r m y g ro cerie s, m y c lo th es, gettin g m y h air d one, a nd tit h in g to th e c hurc h. N ot to m entio n th e c o st to m ail th ese b ills d one g o ne up to a n ic k el. A nd m y w ork s h o es is s o th in , th ey lo ok lik e th ey s ta rv in g to d eath . N ew p air c o st se ven d olla rs th o ugh, w hic h m eans I 'm o n b e e atin g c ab bage a nd to m ato till I tu rn in to B r'e r R ab bit .

Thank th e L ord fo r I d a P eek , e ls e I b e e atin g n o th in g.

My p ho ne r in g, m ak in g m e ju m p. B efo re I c an e ven s a y h ello , I h ear M in ny. S he w ork in g la te to nig ht.

"M is s H illy s e nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t to fin d m yse lf a n ew jo b. A nd y o u kno w w hen s h e g o in g? N ext week .

" "O h no , M in ny." "I b een lo okin g, c all te n la d ie s to day. N ot e ven a s p eck a in te re st." I a m s o rry to s a y I a in 't s u rp ris e d . " I a sk M is s L eefo lt fir s t th in g to m orro w d o s h e k no w a nyb ody need h elp ." "H ang o n," M in ny s a y. I h ear o ld M is s W alt e r ta lk in g a nd M in ny s a y, " W hat y o u th in k I a m ? A chauffe ur? I a in 't d riv in g y o u to n o c o untr y c lu b in th e p ourin g r a in ." Sid es s te alin g, w ors e th in g y o u'n d o fo r y o ur c are er a s a m aid is h ave a s m art m outh . S till, s h e s u ch a g o od c o ok, s o m etim es it m ak es u p fo r it .

"D on't y o u w orry , M in ny. W e g o ne fin d y o u s o m eb ody d eaf a s a d oe-k no b, ju st lik e M is s W alt e r." "M is s H illy b een h in tin g a ro und fo r m e to c o m e w ork fo r h er." "W hat? " I ta lk s te rn a s I c an: " N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , M in ny, I s u p port y o u m yse lf fo re I le t y o u work fo r th at e vil la d y." "W ho y o u th in k y o u ta lk in g to , A ib ile en? A m onk ey? I m ig ht a s w ell g o w ork fo r th e K KK. A nd yo u k no w I n ever ta k e Y ule M ay's jo b a w ay." "I'm s o rry , L ord y m e." I ju st g et s o n erv o us w hen it c o m e to M is s H illy . " I c all M is s C aro lin e o ver o n Honeysu ck le , s e e if s h e k no w s o m eb ody. A nd I c all M is s R uth , s h e s o n ic e it n ear b out b re ak y o ur heart. U se d to c le an u p th e h o use e ver m orn in g s o I d id n't h ave n o th in g to d o b ut k eep h er co m pany. H er h usb and d ie d a th e s c arle t fe ver, m m-h m m." "T hank y o u, A . N ow c o m e o n, M is s W alt e rs , e at u p a lit tle g re en b ean fo r m e." M in ny s a y g o odbye and h ang u p th e p ho ne.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, th ere th at o ld g re en lu m ber tr u ck is a gain . B angin g's a lr e ad y s ta rte d b ut Mis te r L eefo lt a in 't s to m pin g a ro und to day. I g uess h e k no w h e d one lo st th is o ne b efo re it e ven sta rte d .

Mis s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e k it c hen ta b le in h er b lu e-q uilt b ath ro be ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne. B ab y Gir l's g o t r e d s tic k y a ll o ver h er fa ce, h angin g o n to h er m am a's k nees tr y in g to g et h er lo ok a t h er.

"M orn in g, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y.

"M am a! M am a!" s h e s a y, tr y in g to c ra w l u p in M is s L eefo lt 's la p .

"N o, M ae M oble y." M is s L eefo lt n ud ge h er d ow n. " M am a's o n th e te le p ho ne. L et M am a ta lk ." "M am a, p ic k u p ," M ae M oble y w hin e a nd r e ach o ut h er a rm s to h er m am a. " P ic k M ae M o u p ." "H ush ," M is s L eefo lt w his p er.

I s c o op B ab y G ir l u p r ig ht q uic k a nd ta k e h er o ver to th e s in k , b ut s h e k eep c ra nin g h er n eck aro und , w hin in g, " M am a, Mam a ," tr y in g to g et h er a tte ntio n.

"J u st lik e y o u to ld m e to s a y it ." M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g in to th e p ho ne. " S om ed ay w hen w e m ove, it 'll ra is e th e v alu e o f th e h o use ." "C om e o n, B ab y G ir l. P ut y o ur h and s h ere , u nd er th e w ate r." But B ab y G ir l w rig glin g h ard . I 'm tr y in g to g et th e s o ap o n h er fin gers b ut s h e tw is tin g a nd tu rn in g and s h e s n ak e r ig ht o ut m y a rm s. S he r u n s tr a ig ht to h er m am a a nd s tic k o ut h er c hin a nd th en s h e je rk th e p ho ne c o rd h ard a s s h e c an. T he r e ceiv er c la tte r o ut a M is s L eefo lt 's h and a nd h it th e flo or.

"M ae M oble y!" I s a y.

I r u sh to g et h er b ut M is s L eefo lt g et th ere fir s t. H er lip s is c urle d b ack fr o m h er te eth in a s c ary sm ile . M is s L eefo lt s la p B ab y G ir l o n th e b ack a h er b are le gs s o h ard I ju m p fr o m th e s tin g.

Then M is s L eefo lt g ra b M ae M oble y b y th e a rm , je rk it h ard w it h e ver w ord . " D on't y o u to uch th is pho ne a gain , M ae M oble y!" s h e s a y. " A ib ile en, h o w m any tim es d o I h ave to te ll y o u to k eep h er aw ay fr o m m e w hen I a m o n th e p ho ne!" "I'm s o rry ," I s a y a nd I p ic k u p M ae M oble y, tr y to h ug h er to m e, b ut s h e b aw lin g a nd h er fa ce is re d a nd s h e fig htin g m e.

"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, it 's a ll r ig ht, e verth in g--" Mae M oble y m ak e a n u gly fa ce a t m e a nd th en s h e r e ar b ack a nd bow p ! S he w hack m e r ig ht o n th e e ar.

Mis s L eefo lt p oin t a t th e d oor, y ell, " A ib ile en, y o u b oth ju st g et out ." I c arry h er o ut th e k it c hen. I 'm s o m ad a t M is s L eefo lt , I 'm b it in g m y to ngue. I f th e fo ol w ould ju st pay h er c hild s o m e a tte ntio n, th is w ould n't h ap pen! W hen w e m ak e it to M ae M oble y's r o om , I s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair . S he s o b o n m y s h o uld er a nd I r u b h er b ack , g la d s h e c an't s e e th e m ad o n m y fa ce. I d on't w ant h er to th in k it 's a t h er.

"Y ou o kay, B ab y G ir l? " I w his p er. M y e ar s m artin g fr o m h er lit tle fis t. I 'm s o g la d s h e h it m e in ste ad a h er m am a, c ause I d on't k no w w hat th at w om an w ould a d one to h er. I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e r e d fin germ ark s o n th e b ack a h er le gs.

"I'm h ere , b ab y, A ib ee's h ere ," I r o ck a nd s o oth e, r o ck a nd s o oth e.

But B ab y G ir l, s h e ju st c ry a nd c ry .

ARO UN D L U N CHTIM E, w hen m y s to rie s c o m e o n te e-v ee, it g ets q uie t o ut in th e c arp ort. M ae Moble y's in m y la p h elp in g m e s tr in g th e b eans. S he s till k in d a fu ssy fr o m th is m orn in g. I r e ck on I am to o, b ut I d one p ush ed it d ow n to a p la ce w here I d on't h ave to w orry w it h it .

We g o in th e k it c hen a nd I fix h er b alo ney s a nd w ic h. I n th e d riv ew ay, th e w ork m en is s e ttin g in th ey tr u ck , e atin g th ey o w n lu nches. I 'm g la d fo r th e p eace. I s m ile o ver a t B ab y G ir l, g iv e h er a str a w berry , s o g ra te fu l I w as h ere d urin g th e tr o ub le w it h h er m am a. I h ate to th in k w hat w ould a hap pen if I w asn 't . S he s tu ff th e s tr a w berry in h er m outh , s m ile b ack . I th in k s h e fe el it to o.

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't h ere s o I th in k a b out c allin g M in ny a t M is s W alt e r, s e e if s h e fo und a ny w ork y et.

But b efo re I g et a ro und to it , th ey's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor. I o pen it to s e e o ne a th e w ork m en sta nd in g th ere . H e r e al o ld . G ot c o vera lls o n o ver a w hit e c o lla r s h ir t.

"H id ee, m a'a m . T ro ub le y o u fo r s o m e w ate r? " h e a sk . I d on't r e co gniz e h im . M ust liv e s o m ew here so uth a to w n.

"S ho n uff," I s a y.

I g o g et a p ap er c up fr o m th e c up board . I t's g o t h ap py b ir th d ay b allo ons o n it fr o m w hen M ae Moble y tu rn tw o. I k no w M is s L eefo lt d on't w ant m e g iv in g h im o ne a th e g la sse s.

He d rin k it in o ne lo ng s w allo w a nd h and m e th e c up b ack . H is fa ce b e r e al tir e d . K in d a lo neso m e in th e e yes.

"H ow y 'a ll c o m in g a lo ng?" I a sk .

"It's w ork ," h e s a y. " S till a in 't n o w ate r to it . R eck on w e r u n a p ip e o ut y o nd er fr o m th e r o ad ." "O th er fe lla n eed a d rin k ?" I a sk .

"B e m ig hty n ic e." H e n o d a nd I g o g et h is fr ie nd a lit tle fu nny-lo okin g c up to o, fill it u p fr o m th e s in k .

He d on't ta k e it to h is p artn er r ig ht a w ay.

"B eg a p ard on," h e s a y, " b ut w here . . ." H e s ta nd th ere a m in ute , lo ok d ow n a t h is fe et. " W here mig ht I g o to m ak e w ate r? " He lo ok u p a nd I lo ok a t h im a nd fo r a m in ute w e ju st b e lo okin g. I m ean, it 's o ne a th em fu nny th in gs. N ot th e h a-h a fu nny b ut th e fu nny w here y o u b e th in k in g: H uh. H ere w e is w it h tw o in th e ho use a nd o ne b ein g b uilt a nd th ey s till a in 't n o p la ce fo r th is m an to d o h is b usin ess.

"W ell . . ." I a in 't n ever b een in th is p osit io n b efo re . T he y o ung'u n, R obert, w ho d o th e y ard e ver tw o week s, I g uess h e g o fo re h e c o m e o ver. B ut th is fe lla , h e a o ld m an. G ot h eavy w rin k le d h and s.

Seventy y ears a w orry d one p ut s o m any lin es in h is fa ce, h e lik e a r o ad m ap .

"I s p ec y o u g o ne h ave to g o in th e b ush es, b ack a th e h o use ," I h ear m yse lf s a y, b ut I w is h it w ere n't me. " D og's b ack th ere , b ut h e w on't b oth er y o u." "A lr ig ht th en," h e s a y. " T hank y a." I w atc h h im w alk b ack r e al s lo w w it h th e c up a w ate r fo r h is p artn er.

The b angin g a nd th e d ig gin g g o o n th e r e st a th e a fte rn o on. All T H E N EX T D AY L O NG, th ey's h am merin g a nd d ig gin g g o in g o n in th e fr o nt y ard . I d on't a sk Mis s L eefo lt n o q uestio ns a b out it a nd M is s L eefo lt d on't o ffe r n o e xp la natio n. S he ju st p eer o ut th e back d oor e ver h o ur to s e e w hat's g o in g o n.

Thre e o 'c lo ck th e r a ck et s to ps a nd th e m ens g et in th ey tr u ck a nd le ave. M is s L eefo lt , s h e w atc h e m driv e o ff, le t o ut a b ig s ig h. T hen s h e g et in h er c ar a nd g o d o w hate ver it is s h e d o w hen s h e a in 't nerv o us b out a c o up le a c o lo re d m ens h angin g r o und h er h o use .

Afte r w hile , th e p ho ne r in g.

"M is s L eef- -" "S he te llin g e verb ody in to w n I 'm s te alin g! T hat's w hy I c an't g et n o w ork ! T hat w it c h d one tu rn ed me in to th e S m art- M outh ed C rim in al M aid a H in d s C ounty !" "H old o n, M in ny, g et y o ur b re ath --" "B efo re w ork th is m orn in g, I g o to th e R enfr o es' o ver o n S ycam ore a nd M is s R enfr o e n ear b out chase m e o ff th e p ro perty . S ay M is s H illy to ld h er a b out m e, e verb ody k no w I s to le a c and ela b ra fr o m M is s W alt e rs !" I c an h ear th e g rip s h e g o t o n th e p ho ne, s o und lik e s h e tr y in g to c ru sh it in h er h and . I h ear K in d ra ho lle r a nd I w ond er w hy M in ny a lr e ad y h o m e. S he u su ally d on't le ave w ork till fo ur.

"I a in 't d one n o th in g b ut fe ed th at o ld w om an g o od fo od a nd lo ok a fte r h er!" "M in ny, I k no w y o u h o nest. G od k no w y o u h o nest." Her v o ic e d ip d ow n, lik e b ees o n a c o m b. " W hen I w alk in to M is s W alt e rs ', M is s H illy b e th ere a nd sh e tr y to g iv e m e tw enty d olla rs . S he s a y, 'T ak e it . I k no w y o u n eed it ,' a nd I b out s p it in h er fa ce.

But I d id n't . N o s ir ." S he s ta rt m ak in g th is p antin g n o is e , s h e s a y, " I d id worse ." "W hat y o u d id ?" "I a in 't te llin g. I a in 't te llin g n o body a b out th at p ie . B ut I g iv e h er w hat s h e d ese rv e!" S he w ailin g n o w and I fe el a r e al c o ld fe ar. A in 't n o g am e c ro ssin g M is s H illy . " I a in 't n ever g o ne g et n o w ork a gain , Lero y g o ne k ill m e . . ." Kin d ra g ets to c ry in g in th e b ack gro und . M in ny h ang u p w it h o ut e ven s a yin g g o odbye. I d on't k no w what s h e ta lk in g a b out a p ie . B ut L aw , k no w in g M in ny, it c o uld n o t h ave b een g o od.

TH AT N IG HT, I p ic k m e a p oke s a la d a nd a to m ato o ut a I d a's g ard en. I fr y u p s o m e h am , m ak e a lit tle g ra vy fo r m y b is c uit . M y w ig b een b ru sh ed o ut a nd p ut u p , g o t m y p in k r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y sp ra yed th e G ood N uff o n m y h air . I b een w orrie d a ll a fte rn o on, th in k in g b out M in ny. I g o t to p ut it out a m y m in d if I 'm o n g et s o m e s le ep to nig ht.

I s e t a t m y ta b le to e at, tu rn o n th e k it c hen r a d io . L it tle S te vie W ond er's s in gin g " F in gertip s." B ein g co lo re d a in 't n o th in g o n th at b oy. H e tw elv e y ears o ld , b lin d , a nd g o t a h it o n th e r a d io . W hen h e done, I s k ip o ver P asto r G re en p la yin g h is s e rm on a nd s to p o n W BLA . T hey p la y th e ju k e jo in t blu es.

I lik e th em s m oky, liq uo r- d rin k in g s o und s w hen it g et d ark . M ak es m e fe el lik e m y w ho le h o use is fu ll a p eo ple . I c an a lm ost s e e e m , s w ayin g h ere in m y k it c hen, d ancin g to th e b lu es. W hen I tu rn o ff th e c eilin g lig ht, I p re te nd w e a t T he R aven. T hey's lit tle ta b le s w it h r e d -c o vere d lig hts . I t's M ay o r Ju ne a nd w arm . M y m an C ly d e fla sh m e h is w hit e -to oth ed s m ile a nd s a y Honey, y o u w ant y o u a drin k?

A nd I s a y, Bla ck M ary s tr a ig ht u p a nd th en I g et to la ughin g a t m yse lf , s e ttin g in m y k it c hen havin g th is d ayd re am , c ause th e r a cie st th in g I e ver ta k e is th e p urp le N ehi.

Mem phis M in ny g et to s in gin g o n th e r a d io h o w le an m eat w on't fr y , w hic h is a b out h o w th e lo ve don't la st. T im e to tim e, I th in k I m ig ht fin d m yse lf a no th er m an, o ne fr o m m y c hurc h. P ro ble m is , much a s I lo ve th e L ord , c hurc h-g o in g m an n ever d o a ll th at m uch fo r m e. K in d a m an I lik e a in 't th e kin d th at s ta ys a ro und w hen h e d one s p end in g a ll y o u m oney. I m ad e th at m is ta k e tw enty y ears a go .

When m y h usb and C ly d e le ft m e fo r th at n o -c o unt h ussy u p o n F aris h S tr e et, o ne th ey c all C oco a, I fig ure d I b ette r s h ut th e d oor fo r g o od o n th at k in d a b usin ess.

A c at g et to s c re echin g o uts id e a nd b rin g m e b ack to m y c o ld k it c hen. I tu rn th e r a d io o ff a nd th e lig ht b ack o n, fis h m y p ra yer b ook o ut m y p urs e . M y p ra yer b ook is ju st a b lu e n o te p ad I p ic k u p a t th e B en F ra nk lin s to re . I u se a p encil s o I c an e ra se till I g et it r ig ht. I b een w rit in g m y p ra yers s in ce I was in ju nio r h ig h. W hen I te ll m y s e venth -g ra d e te acher I a in 't c o m in g b ack to s c ho ol c ause I g o t to help o ut m y m am a, M is s R oss ju st a b out c rie d .

"Y ou'r e th e s m arte st o ne in th e c la ss, A ib ile en," s h e s a y. " A nd th e o nly w ay y o u'r e g o in g to k eep sh arp is to r e ad and w rit e e very d ay." So I s ta rte d w rit in g m y p ra yers d ow n in ste ad a s a yin g e m . B ut n o body's c alle d m e s m art s in ce.

I tu rn th e p ages a m y p ra yer b ook to s e e w ho I g o t to nig ht. A fe w tim es th is w eek , I th o ught a b out mayb e p uttin g M is s S keete r o n m y lis t. I 'm n o t r e al s u re w hy. S he a lw ays n ic e w hen s h e c o m e o ver.

It m ak es m e n erv o us, b ut I c an't h elp b ut w ond er w hat s h e w as g o ne a sk m e in M is s L eefo lt 's kit c hen, a b out d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. N ot to m entio n h er a sk in g m e th e w here ab outs a Consta ntin e, h er m aid g ro w in g u p . I k no w w hat h ap pen b etw een C onsta ntin e a nd M is s S keete r's mam a a nd a in 't n o w ay I 'm o n te ll h er th at s to ry .

The th in g is th o ugh, if I s ta rt p ra yin g fo r M is s S keete r, I k no w th at c o nvers a tio n g o ne c o ntin ue th e next tim e I s e e h er. A nd th e n ext a nd th e n ext. C ause th at's th e w ay p ra yer d o. I t's lik e e le ctr ic it y , it keep s th in gs g o in g. A nd th e b ath ro om s it u atio n, it ju st a in 't s o m eth in g I r e ally w ant to d is c uss. I s c an d ow n m y p ra yer lis t. M y M ae M oble y g o t th e n um ber o ne r u ng, th en th ey's F anny L ou a t churc h, a ilin g fr o m th e r h eum atis m . M y s is te rs I n ez a nd M ab le in P ort G ib so n th at g o t e ig hte en k id s betw een e m a nd s ix w it h th e flu . W hen th e lis t b e th in , I s lip in th at o ld s tin k y w hit e fe lla th at liv e behin d th e fe ed s to re , th e o ne lo st h is m in d fr o m d rin k in g th e s h o e p olis h . B ut th e lis t b e p re tty fu ll to nig ht.

And lo ok a th ere w ho e ls e I d one p ut o n th is lis t. B ertr in a B esse m er a a ll p eo ple ! E verb ody k no w Bertr in a a nd m e d on't ta k e to e ach o th er e ver s in ce s h e c all m e a n ig ga fo ol fo r m arry in g C ly d e um pte en y ears a go .

"M in ny," I s a y la st S und ay, " w hy B ertr in a a sk me to p ra y fo r h er? " We w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e o ne o 'c lo ck s e rv ic e. M in ny s a y, " R um or is y o u g o t s o m e k in d a p ow er pra yer, g ets b ette r r e su lt s th an ju st th e r e gula r v arie ty ." "S ay w hat? " "E ud ora G re en, w hen s h e b ro ke h er h ip , w ent o n y o ur lis t, u p w alk in g in a w eek . I s a ia h fe ll o ff th e co tto n tr u ck , o n y o ur p ra yer lis t th at n ig ht, b ack to w ork th e n ext d ay." Hearin g th is m ad e m e th in k a b out h o w I d id n't e ven g et th e c hance to p ra y fo r T re elo re . M ayb e th at's w hy G od to ok h im s o fa st. H e d id n't w ant a h ave to a rg ue w it h m e.

"S nuff W ash in gto n," M in ny s a y, " L olly J a ck so n--h eck , L olly g o o n y o ur lis t a nd tw o d ays la te r s h e pop u p fr o m h er w heelc hair lik e s h e to uched J e su s. E verb ody in H in d s C ounty k no w a b out th at one." "B ut th at a in 't m e," I s a y. " T hat's ju st p ra yer." "B ut B ertr in a--" M in ny g et to la ughin g, s a y, " Y ou k no w C oco a, th e o ne C ly d e r u n o ff w it h ?" "P hhh. Y ou k no w I n ever fo rg et h er." "W eek a fte r C ly d e le ft y o u, I h eard th at C oco a w ak e u p to h er c o otc hie s p oilt lik e a r o tte n o yste r.

Did n't g et b ette r fo r th re e m onth s. B ertr in a, s h e g o od fr ie nd s w it h C oco a. S he know y o ur p ra yer work s." My m outh d ro p o pen. W hy s h e n ever te ll m e th is b efo re ? " Y ou s a yin g p eo ple th in k I g o t th e b la ck magic ?" "I k new it m ak e y o u w orry if I to ld y o u. T hey ju st th in k y o u g o t a b ette r c o nnectio n th an m ost. W e all o n a p arty lin e to G od, b ut y o u, y o u s e ttin g r ig ht in h is e ar." My te ap ot s ta rt fu ssin g o n th e s to ve, b rin gin g m e b ack to r e al lif e . L aw , I r e ck on I ju st g o a head a nd put M is s S keete r o n th e lis t, b ut h o w c o m e, I d on't k no w . W hic h r e m in d s m e a w hat I d on't w ant a th in k a b out, th at M is s L eefo lt 's b uild in g m e a b ath ro om c ause s h e th in k I 'm d is e ase d . A nd M is s Skeete r a sk in g d on't I w ant to c hange th in gs, lik e c hangin g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o ne b e lik e changin g a lig htb ulb . I'm S TR IN GIN G B EA N S in M is s L eefo lt 's k it c hen a nd th e p ho ne r in gs. I 'm h o pin g it 's M in ny to sa y s h e fo und s o m eth in g. I d one c alle d e verb ody I e ver w ait e d o n a nd th ey a ll to ld m e th e s a m e th in g: " W e a in 't h ir in g." B ut w hat th ey r e ally m ean is : " W e a in 't h ir in g Min ny ." Even th o ugh M in ny a lr e ad y h ad h er la st d ay a w ork th re e d ays a go , M is s W alt e r c all M in ny in s e cre t la st n ig ht, a sk h er to c o m e in to day c ause th e h o use fe el to o e m pty , w hat w it h m ost th e fu rn it u re alr e ad y ta k en a w ay b y M is s H illy . I s till d on't k no w w hat h ap pen w it h M in ny a nd M is s H illy . I re ck on I d on't r e ally w ant to k no w .

"L eefo lt r e sid ence." "U m, h i. T his is . . ." T he la d y s to p, c le ar h er th ro at. " H ello . M ay I . . . m ay I p le ase s p eak to Eliz a b eth L eer- fo lt ? " "M is s L eefo lt a in 't h o m e r ig ht n o w . M ay I ta k e a m essa ge?" "O h," s h e s a y, lik e s h e g o t a ll e xcit e d o ver n o th in g.

"M ay I a sk w ho c allin g?" "T his is . . . C elia F oote . M y h usb and g ave m e th is n um ber h ere a nd I d on't k no w E liz a b eth , b ut . . .

well, h e s a id s h e k no w s a ll a b out th e C hild re n's B enefit a nd th e L ad ie s L eague." I k no w th is n am e, but I c an't q uit e p la ce it . T his w om an ta lk lik e s h e fr o m s o d eep in th e c o untr y s h e g o t c o rn g ro w in g in h er s h o es. H er v o ic e is s w eet th o ugh, h ig h-p it c h. S till, s h e d on't s o und lik e th e la d ie s r o und h ere do.

"I g iv e h er y o ur m essa ge," I s a y. " W hat's y o ur n um ber? " "I'm k in d o f n ew h ere a nd , w ell, th at's n o t tr u e, I 'v e b een h ere a p re tty g o od s tr e tc h, g o sh , o ver a year n o w . I ju st d on't r e ally k no w a nyb ody. I d on't . . . g et o ut to o m uch." She c le ar h er th ro at a gain a nd I 'm w ond erin g w hy s h e te llin g m e a ll th is . I 'm th e m aid , s h e a in 't g o ne win n o fr ie nd s ta lk in g to m e.

"I w as th in k in g m ayb e I c o uld h elp o ut w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit fr o m h o m e," s h e s a y.

I r e m em ber th en w ho s h e is . S he th e o ne M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt a lw ays ta lk in g tr a sh o n c ause sh e m arry M is s H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd .

"I g iv e h er th e m essa ge. W hat y o u s a y y o ur n um ber is a gain ?" "O h, b ut I 'm fix in g to s c o ot o ff to th e g ro cery s to re . O h, m ayb e I s h o uld s it a nd w ait ." "S he d on't r e ach y o u, s h e le ave a m essa ge w it h y o ur h elp ." "I d on't h ave a ny h elp . I n fa ct, I w as p la nnin g o n a sk in g h er a b out th at to o, if s h e c o uld p ass a lo ng th e n am e o f s o m eb ody g o od." "Y ou lo okin g fo r h elp ?" "I'm in a s tit c h tr y in g to fin d s o m eb ody to c o m e a ll th e w ay o ut to M ad is o n C ounty ." Well, w hat d o y o u k no w . " I k no w s o m eb ody r e al g o od. S he k no w n fo r h er c o okin g a nd s h e lo ok afte r y o u k id s to o. S he e ven g o t h er o w n c ar to d riv e o ut to y o u h o use ." "O h, w ell . . . I 'd s till lik e to ta lk to E liz a b eth a b out it . D id I a lr e ad y te ll y o u m y n um ber? " "N o m a'a m ," I s ig h. " G o h ead ." M is s L eefo lt n ever g o ne r e co m mend M in ny, n o t w it h a ll a M is s Hilly 's lie s.

She s a y, " It's M is su s J o hnny F oote a nd it 's E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e." Ju st in c ase I s a y, " A nd h er n am e is M in ny, s h e a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. Y ou g o t th at? " Bab y G ir l tu g o n m y d re ss, s a y, " T um -m y h urt," a nd s h e r u b bin g h er b elly .

I g et a n id ea. I s a y, " H old o n, w hat's th at M is s L eefo lt ? U h-h uh, I te ll h er." I p ut th e p ho ne b ack to my m outh a nd s a y, " M is s C elia , M is s L eefo lt ju st w alk in a nd s h e s a y s h e a in 't fe elin g g o od b ut fo r yo u to g o o n a nd c all M in ny. S he s a y s h e c all y o u if s h e b e n eed in g h elp w it h th e B enefit ." "O h! T ell h er I s a id th ank y o u. A nd I s u re d o h o pe s h e g ets to fe elin g b ette r. A nd to c all m e u p anytim e." "T hat's M in ny J a ck so n a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. H ang o n, w hat's th at? " I g et a co okie a nd g iv e it to M ae M oble y, fe el n o th in g b ut d elig ht a t th e d evil in m e. I a m ly in g a nd I d on't even c are .

I te ll M is s C elia F oote , " S he s a y d on't te ll n o body b out h er tip o n M in ny, c ause a ll h er fr ie nd s w ant a hir e h er a nd th ey b e r e al u p se t if th ey fin d o ut s h e g iv e h er to s o m eb ody e ls e ." "I w on't te ll h er s e cre t if s h e w on't te ll m in e. I d on't w ant m y h usb and to k no w I 'm h ir in g a m aid ." Well, if th at a in 't p erfe ct th en I d on't k no w w hat is .

Soon a s w e h ang u p , I d ia l M in ny q uic k a s I c an. B ut ju st a s I d o, M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e d oor.

This a r e al p re d ic am ent, s e e. I g ave th is M is s C elia w om an M in ny's n um ber a t h o m e, b ut M in ny work in g to day c ause M is s W alt e r lo nely . S o w hen s h e c all, L ero y g o ne g iv e h er M is s W alt e r n um ber cause h e a fo ol. I f M is s W alt e r a nsw er th e p ho ne w hen M is s C elia c all, th en th e w ho le jig is u p .

Mis s W alt e r g o ne te ll th is w om an e verth in g M is s H illy b een s p re ad in g a ro und . I g o t to g et to M in ny or L ero y b efo re a ll th is h ap pen. Mis s L eefo lt h ead b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd , ju st lik e I fig ure d , th e fir s t th in g s h e d o is tie u p th e pho ne. F ir s t s h e c all M is s H illy . T hen s h e c all th e h air d re sse r. T hen s h e c all th e s to re a b out a wed din g p re se nt, ta lk in g, ta lk in g, ta lk in g. S oon a s s h e h ang u p , s h e c o m e o ut a nd a sk w hat th ey havin g fo r s u p per th is w eek . I p ull o ut th e n o te b ook a nd g o d ow n th e lis t. N o, s h e d on't w ant p ork cho ps. S he tr y in g to g et h er h usb and to r e d uce. S he w ant s k ille t s te ak a nd g re en s a la d . A nd h o w many c alo rie s d o I s p ec th em m erin gue th in gie s h ave? A nd d on't g iv e n o m ore c o okie s to M ae Moble y c ause s h e to o fa t a nd --a nd --a nd -- Law ! F or a w om an w ho a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e b ut d o th is a nd u se th at b ath ro om , a ll a s u d den s h e ta lk in g to m e lik e I 'm h er b est fr ie nd . M ae M oble y's d ancin g a h o t- fo ot jig tr y in g to g et h er m am a to no tic e h er. A nd ju st w hen M is s L eefo lt a b out to b end d ow n to p ay h er s o m e a tte ntio n, w ho ops!

Mis s L eefo lt r u n o ut th e d oor c ause s h e fo rg o t s h e g o t a e rra nd to r u n a nd a b lo om in g h o ur d one passe d a lr e ad y.

I c an't m ak e m y fin gers g o r o und th at d ia l fa st e no ugh.

"M in ny! I g o t a jo b lin ed u p . B ut y o u g o t to g et to th e p ho ne--" "S he a lr e ad y c all. " M in ny's v o ic e is fla t. " L ero y g iv e h er th e n um ber." "S o M is s W alt e r a nsw er it ," I s a y.

"D eaf a s d oo-d oo a nd a ll a s u d den it 's lik e a m ir a cle fr o m G od, s h e h ear th e p ho ne r in gin g. I 'm go in g in a nd o ut a th e k it c hen, n o t p ayin g a tte ntio n, b ut a t th e e nd I h ear m y n am e. T hen L ero y c all and I k no w th at's w hat it w as." M in ny s o und w ore o ut, a nd s h e th e k in d th at d on't e ver g et tir e d .

"W ell. M ayb e M is s W alt e r d id n't te ll h er th em lie s M is s H illy s ta rte d . Y ou n ever k no w ." B ut e ven I ain 't fo ol e no ugh to b elie ve th is .

"E ven if s h e d id n't , M is s W alt e rs k no w a ll a b out h o w I g o t b ack a t M is s H illy . Y ou d on't k no w a b out th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d id . I d on't e ver w ant y o u to k no w . I 'm s u re M is s W alt e rs te ll th is w om an I'm n o th in g s h o rt a th e d evil h is se lf ." H er v o ic e s o und e erie . L ik e s h e a r e co rd p la yer g o in g to o s lo w .

"I'm s o rry . I w is h I c o uld a c alle d y o u e arlie r s o y o u c o uld p ic k u p th at p ho ne." "Y ou d one w hat y o u c an. N oth in g n o body c an d o fo r m e n o w ." "I b e p ra yin g fo r y o u." "T hank y o u," s h e s a y, a nd th en h er v o ic e b re ak d ow n. " A nd I th ank y o u fo r tr y in g to h elp m e." We h ang u p a nd I g o to m oppin g. T he s o und a M in ny's v o ic e s c are m e.

She a lw ays b een a s tr o ng w om an, a lw ays fig htin g. A fte r T re elo re d ie d , s h e c arry s u p per o ver to m e ever n ig ht fo r th re e m onth s s tr a ig ht. A nd e ver d ay s h e s a y, " N uh-u h, y o u a in 't le avin g m e o n th is so rry e arth w it h o ut y o u," b ut I te ll y o u, I w as s u re e no ugh th in k in g a b out it .

I a lr e ad y h ad th e r o pe tie d w hen M in ny fo und it . T he c o il w as T re elo re 's , fr o m b ack w hen h e d oin g a s c ie nce p ro je ct w it h p ulle ys a nd r in gs. I d on't k no w if I 's g o ne u se it , k no w in g it 's a s in a gain st God, b ut I w asn 't in m y r ig ht m in d . M in ny, th o ugh, s h e d on't a sk n o q uestio ns a b out it , ju st p ull it o ut fr o m u nd er th e b ed , p ut it in th e c an, ta k e it to th e s tr e et. W hen s h e c o m e b ack in , s h e b ru sh h er hand s to geth er lik e s h e c le anin g th in gs u p a s u su al. S he a ll b usin ess, th at M in ny. B ut n o w , s h e s o und bad . I g o t a m in d to c heck u nd er h er b ed to nig ht.

I p ut d ow n th e b uck et a S unsh in e c le aner th em la d ie s is a lw ays s m ilin g a b out o n th e te e-v ee. I g o t to se t d ow n. M ae M oble y c o m e u p h o ld in g h er tu m my, s a y, " M ak e it n o t h urt." She la y h er fa ce o n m y le g. I s m ooth h er h air d ow n o ver a nd o ver till s h e p ra ctic ally p urrin g, fe elin g th e lo ve in m y h and . A nd I th in k a b out a ll m y fr ie nd s, w hat th ey d one fo r m e. W hat th ey d o e ver d ay fo r th e w hit e w om en th ey w ait in g o n. T hat p ain in M in ny's v o ic e. T re elo re d ead in th e g ro und . I lo ok dow n a t B ab y G ir l, w ho I k no w , d eep d ow n, I c an't k eep fr o m tu rn in g o ut lik e h er m am a. A nd a ll o f it to geth er r o ll o n to p a m e. I c lo se m y e yes, s a y th e L ord 's p ra yer to m yse lf . B ut it d on't m ak e m e fe el a ny b ette r.

Law h elp m e, b ut s o m eth in g's g o ne h ave to b e d one.

BA BY G ir l H ug O n M Y L EG S a ll a fte rn o on to w here I b out fa ll o ver a fe w tim es. I d on't m in d .

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e o r M ae M oble y s in ce th is m orn in g. B een w ork in g s o b usy o n th at s e w in g m achin e in h er b ed ro om . T ry in g to c o ver u p s o m eth in g e ls e s h e d on't lik e th e lo ok o f in th e h o use .

Afte r w hile m e a nd M ae M oble y g o in th e r e gula r liv in g r o om . I g o t a lo ad a M is te r L eefo lt 's s h ir ts to ir o n a nd a fte r th is I 'm o n g et a p ot r o ast g o in g. I c le aned th e b ath ro om s a lr e ad y, g o t th e s h eets changed , th e r u gs v acuum ed . I a lw ays tr y to fin is h u p e arly s o m e a nd B ab y G ir l c an s e t to geth er and p la y.

Mis s L eefo lt c o m e in a nd w atc h m e ir o nin g. S he d o th at s o m etim es. F ro w n a nd lo ok. T hen s h e sm ile r e al q uic k w hen I g la nce u p . P at u p th e b ack a h er h air , tr y in g to m ak e it p uffy .

"A ib ile en, I h ave a s u rp ris e fo r y o u." She s m ilin g b ig n o w . S he d on't h ave n o te eth s h o w in g, ju st a lip s m ile , k in d y o u g o t to w atc h.

"M is te r L eefo lt a nd I h ave d ecid ed to b uild y o u y o ur v ery o w n b ath ro om ." S he c la p h er h and s to geth er, d ro p h er c hin a t m e. " It's r ig ht o ut th ere in th e g ara ge." "Y es m a'a m ." W here s h e th in k I b een a ll th is tim e?

"S o, fr o m n o w o n, in ste ad o f u sin g th e g uest b ath ro om , y o u c an u se y o ur o w n r ig ht o ut th ere . W on't th at b e n ic e?" "Y es m a'a m ." I k eep ir o nin g. T ee-v ee's o n a nd m y p ro gra m 's fix in g to s ta rt. S he k eep s ta nd in g th ere lo okin g a t m e th o ugh.

"S o y o u'll u se th at o ne o ut in th e g ara ge n o w , y o u u nd ers ta nd ?" I d on't lo ok a t h er. I 'm n o t tr y in g to m ak e n o tr o ub le , b ut s h e d one m ad e h er p oin t.

"D on't y o u w ant to g et s o m e tis su e a nd g o o n o ut th ere a nd u se it ? " "M is s L eefo lt , I d on't r e ally h ave to g o r ig ht th is s e co nd ." Mae M oble y p oin t a t m e fr o m th e p la yp en, s a y, " M ae M o ju ic e?" "I g et y o u s o m e ju ic e, b ab y," I s a y.

"O h." M is s L eefo lt lic k h er lip s a fe w tim es. " B ut w hen y o u d o, y o u'll g o o n b ack th ere a nd u se th at one n o w , I m ean... o nly th at o ne, r ig ht? " Mis s L eefo lt w ear a lo t a m ak eup , c re am y-lo okin g s tu ff, th ic k . T hat y ello w is h m ak eup 's s p re ad acro ss h er lip s to o, s o y o u c an b are ly te ll s h e e ven g o t a m outh . I s a y w hat I k no w s h e w ant to h ear:

"I u se m y c o lo re d b ath ro om fr o m n o w o n. A nd th en I g o o n a nd C lo ro x th e w hit e b ath ro om a gain re al g o od." "W ell, th ere 's n o h urry . A nytim e to day w ould b e fin e." But b y th e w ay s h e s ta nd in g th ere fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g, s h e r e ally m ean fo r m e to d o it r ig ht no w .

I p ut th e ir o n d ow n r e al s lo w , fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in m y c hest, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r T re elo re die d . M y fa ce g o es h o t, m y to ngue tw it c hy. I d on't k no w w hat to s a y to h er. A ll I k no w is , I a in 't sa yin g it . A nd I k no w s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat s h e w ant a s a y e it h er a nd it 's a s tr a nge th in g h ap penin g here c ause n o body s a yin g n o th in g a nd w e s till m anagin g to h ave u s a c o nvers a tio n.

MIN NY ch ap te r 3 S TA N DIN G O n th at w hit e la d y's b ack p orc h, I te ll m yse lf , Tuck it in , M in ny.

T uck in w hate ver m ig ht fly o ut m y m outh a nd tu ck in m y b ehin d to o. L ook lik e a m aid w ho d oes w hat s h e's to ld . T ru th i s , I 'm s o n erv o us r ig ht n o w , I 'd n ever b ack ta lk a gain if it m eant I 'd g et th is jo b.

I y ank m y h o se u p fr o m s a ggin g a ro und m y fe et- -th e tr o ub le o f a ll fa t, s h o rt w om en a ro und th e w orld . T hen I r e hears e w hat to s a y, w hat to k eep to m yse lf . I g o a head a nd p unch th e b ell.

T he d oorb ell r in gs a lo ng bin g-b ong , fin e a nd fa ncy fo r th is b ig m ansio n o ut in th e c o untr y . I t lo oks l ik e a c astle , g ra y b ric k r is in g h ig h in th e s k y a nd le ft a nd r ig ht to o. W oods s u rro und th e la w n o n e very s id e. I f th is p la ce w as in a s to ry b ook, th ere 'd b e w it c hes in th o se w oods. T he k in d th at e at k id s.

T he b ack d oor o pens a nd th ere s ta nd s M is s M arily n M onro e. O r s o m eth in g k in to h er.

" H ey th ere , y o u'r e r ig ht o n tim e. I 'm C elia . C elia R ae F oote ." T he w hit e la d y s tic k s h er h and o ut to m e a nd I s tu d y h er. S he m ig ht b e b uilt lik e M arily n, b ut s h e a in 't r e ad y fo r n o s c re en te st. S he's g o t flo ur in h er y ello w h air d o. F lo ur in h er g lu e-o n e yela sh es.

A nd flo ur a ll o ver th at ta ck y p in k p ants u it . H er s ta nd in g in a c lo ud o f d ust a nd th at p ants u it b ein g s o t ig ht, I w ond er h o w s h e c an b re ath e.

" Y es m a'a m . I 'm M in ny J a ck so n." I s m ooth d ow n m y w hit e u nif o rm in ste ad o f s h ak in g h er h and . I d on't w ant th at m ess o n m e. " Y ou c o okin g s o m eth in g?" " O ne o f th o se u p sid ed ow n c ak es fr o m th e m agazin e?" S he s ig hs. " It a in 't w ork in g o ut to o g o od." I fo llo w h er in sid e a nd th at's w hen I s e e M is s C elia R ae F oote 's s u ffe re d o nly a m in o r in ju ry in th e f lo ur fia sc o . T he r e st o f th e k it c hen to ok th e r e al h it . T he c o unte rto ps, th e d oub le -d oor r e fr ig era to r, t h e K it c hen-A id m ix er a re a ll s it tin g in a b out a q uarte r- in ch o f s n o w flo ur. I t's e no ugh m ess to d riv e m e c ra zy. I a in 't e ven g o t th e jo b y et, a nd I 'm a lr e ad y lo okin g o ver a t th e s in k fo r a s p onge.

M is s C elia s a ys, " I g uess I h ave s o m e le arn in g to d o." " Y ou s u re d o," I s a y. B ut I b it e d ow n h ard o n m y to ngue.

Don't y o u g o s a ssin g t h is w hit e la dy lik e y o u d one t h e o th er. S asse d h er a ll t h e w ay t o t h e n ursin g h om e.

B ut M is s C elia , s h e ju st s m ile s, w ash es th e m uck o ff h er h and s in a s in k fu ll o f d is h es. I w ond er if m ayb e I 'v e fo und m yse lf a no th er d eaf o ne, lik e M is s W alt e rs w as. L et's h o pe s o .

" I ju st c an't s e em to g et th e h ang o f k it c hen w ork ," s h e s a ys a nd e ven w it h M arily n's w his p ery H olly w ood v o ic e, I c an te ll r ig ht o ff, s h e's fr o m way o ut in th e c o untr y . I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny s h o es o n, lik e s o m e k in d o f w hit e tr a sh . N ic e w hit e la d ie s d on't g o a ro und b are fo ot.

S he's p ro bab ly te n o r fif te en y ears y o unger th an m e, tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e, a nd s h e's r e al p re tty , b ut w hy's s h e w earin g a ll th at g o o o n h er fa ce? I 'll b et s h e's g o t o n d oub le th e m ak eup th e o th er w hit e la d ie s w ear. S he's g o t a lo t m ore b oso m to h er, to o. I n fa ct, s h e's a lm ost a s b ig a s m e e xcep t sh e's s k in ny in a ll th o se p la ces I a in 't . I ju st h o pe s h e's a n e ate r. B ecause I 'm a c o oker a nd th at's why p eo ple h ir e m e.

"C an I g et y o u a c o ld d rin k ?" s h e a sk s. " S et d ow n a nd I 'll b rin g y o u s o m eth in g." And th at's m y c lu e: s o m eth in g fu nny's g o in g o n h ere .

"L ero y, s h e g o t to b e c ra zy," I s a id w hen s h e c alle d m e u p th re e d ays a go a nd a sk ed if I 'd c o m e in te rv ie w , " c ause e verb ody in to w n th in k I s to le M is s W alt e rs ' s ilv er. A nd I k no w s h e d o to o c ause sh e c all M is s W alt e rs u p o n th e p ho ne w hen I w as th ere ." "W hit e p eo ple s tr a nge," L ero y s a id . " W ho k no w s, m ayb e th at o ld w om an g iv e y o u a g o od w ord ." I lo ok a t M is s C elia R ae F oote h ard . I 'v e n ever in m y lif e h ad a w hit e w om an te ll m e to s it d ow n s o sh e c an s e rv e m e a c o ld d rin k . S ho ot, n o w I 'm w ond erin g if th is fo ol e ven p la ns o n h ir in g a m aid o r if s h e ju st d ru g m e a ll th e w ay o ut h ere fo r s p ort.

"M ayb e w e b ette r g o o n a nd s e e th e h o use fir s t, m a'a m ." She s m ile s lik e th e th o ught n ever e nte re d th at h air s p ra yed h ead o f h ers , le ttin g m e s e e th e h o use I mig ht b e c le anin g.

"O h, o f c o urs e . C om e o n in y o nd er, M axie . I 'll s h o w y o u th e fa ncy d in in g r o om fir s t." "T he n am e," I s a y, " is M in ny." Mayb e s h e's n o t d eaf o r c ra zy. M ayb e s h e's ju st s tu p id . A s h in y h o pe r is e s u p in m e a gain .

All o ver th at b ig o le d oodie d u p h o use s h e w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd I fo llo w . T here a re te n r o om s dow nsta ir s a nd o ne w it h a s tu ffe d g riz zly b ear th at lo oks lik e it a te u p th e la st m aid a nd is b id in g fo r th e n ext o ne. A b urn ed -u p C onfe d era te fla g is fr a m ed o n th e w all, a nd o n th e ta b le is a n o ld s ilv er pis to l w it h th e n am e " C onfe d era te G enera l J o hn F oote " e ngra ved o n it . I b et G re at- G ra nd ad dy Foote s c are d s o m e s la ves w it h th at th in g.

We m ove o n a nd it s ta rts to lo ok lik e a ny n ic e w hit e h o use . E xcep t th is o ne's th e b ig gest I 'v e e ver been in a nd fu ll o f d ir ty flo ors a nd d usty r u gs, th e k in d fo lk s w ho d on't k no w a ny b ette r w ould s a y is worn o ut, b ut I k no w a n a ntiq ue w hen I s e e o ne. I 'v e w ork ed in s o m e fin e h o m es. I ju st h o pe s h e ain 't s o c o untr y s h e d on't o w n a H oover.

"J o hnny's m am a w ould n't le t m e d eco ra te a th in g. I h ad m y w ay, th ere 'd b e w all- to -w all w hit e c arp et and g o ld tr im a nd n o ne o f th is o ld s tu ff." "W here y o ur p eo ple fr o m ?" I a sk h er.

"I'm fr o m . . . S ugar D it c h." H er v o ic e d ro ps d ow n a lit tle . S ugar D it c h is a s lo w a s y o u c an g o in Mis sis sip pi, m ayb e th e w ho le U nit e d S ta te s. I t's u p in T unic a C ounty , a lm ost to M em phis . I s a w pic tu re s in th e p ap er o ne tim e, s h o w in g th o se te nant s h ack s. E ven th e w hit e k id s lo oked lik e th ey had n't h ad a m eal fo r a w eek .

Mis s C elia tr ie s to s m ile , s a ys, " T his is m y fir s t tim e h ir in g a m aid ." "W ell y o u s u re n eed o ne." Now , M in ny -- "I w as r e al g la d to g et th e r e co m mend atio n fr o m M is su s W alt e rs . S he to ld m e a ll a b out y o u. S aid yo ur c o okin g is th e b est in to w n." That m ak es z e ro s e nse to m e. A fte r w hat I d id to M is s H illy , r ig ht in fr o nt o f M is s W alt e rs to s e e?

"S he s a y... a nyth in g e ls e a b out m e?" But M is s C elia 's a lr e ad y w alk in g u p a b ig c urv in g s ta ir c ase . I fo llo w h er u p sta ir s , to a lo ng h all w it h su n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow s. E ven th o ugh th ere a re tw o y ello w b ed ro om s fo r g ir ls a nd a b lu e one a nd a g re en o ne fo r b oys, it 's c le ar th ere a re n't a ny c hild re n liv in g h ere . J u st d ust.

"W e'v e g o t fiv e b ed ro om s a nd fiv e b ath ro om s o ver h ere in th e m ain h o use ." S he p oin ts o ut th e win d ow a nd I s e e a b ig b lu e s w im min g p ool, a nd b ehin d th at, anoth er h o use . M y h eart th um ps hard .

"A nd th en th ere 's th e p oolh o use o ut y o nd er," s h e s ig hs.

I'd ta k e a ny jo b I c an g et a t th is p oin t, b ut a b ig h o use lik e th is s h o uld p ay p le nty . A nd I d on't m in d bein g b usy. I a in 't a fr a id to w ork . " W hen y o u g o ne h ave y o u s o m e c hillu ns, s ta rt fillin g u p a ll th ese bed s? " I tr y to s m ile , lo ok fr ie nd ly .

"O h, w e'r e g o nna h ave s o m e k id s." S he c le ars h er th ro at, fid gets . " I m ean, k id s is th e o nly th in g worth liv in g fo r." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er fe et. A s e co nd p asse s b efo re s h e h ead s b ack to th e s ta ir s . I fo llo w b ehin d , n o tic in g h o w s h e h o ld s th e s ta ir r a il tig ht o n th e w ay d ow n, lik e s h e's a fr a id s h e m ig ht fa ll.

It's b ack in th e d in in g r o om th at M is s C elia s ta rts s h ak in g h er h ead . " It's a n a w fu l lo t to d o," s h e sa ys. " A ll th e b ed ro om s a nd th e flo ors . . ." "Y es m a'a m , it 's b ig ," I s a y, th in k in g if s h e s a w m y h o use w it h a c o t in th e h all a nd o ne to ile t fo r s ix behin d s, s h e'd p ro bab ly r u n. " B ut I g o t lo ts a e nerg y." ". . . a nd th en th ere 's a ll th is s ilv er to c le an." She o pens u p a s ilv er c lo se t th e s iz e o f m y liv in g r o om . S he fix es a c and le th at's tu rn ed fu nny o n th e cand ela b ra a nd I c an s e e w hy s h e's lo okin g s o d oub tfu l.

Afte r th e to w n g o t w ord o f M is s H illy 's lie s, th re e la d ie s in a r o w h ung u p o n m e th e m in ute I s a id my n am e. I r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e b lo w .

Say it , la dy. S ay w hat y o u t h in kin g a bout m e a nd y o ur silv er.

I fe el lik e c ry in g th in k in g a b out h o w th is jo b w ould s u it m e fin e a nd w hat M is s H illy 's d one to keep m e fr o m g ettin g it . I fix m y e yes o n th e w in d ow , h o pin g a nd p ra yin g th is is n 't w here th e in te rv ie w e nd s.

"I k no w , th o se w in d ow s a re a w fu l h ig h. I n ever tr ie d to c le an th em b efo re ." I le t m y b re ath g o . W in d ow s a re a h eck o f a lo t b ette r s u b je ct fo r m e th an s ilv er. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o win d ow s. I c le an M is s W alt e rs ' to p to b otto m e ver fo ur w eek s." "D id s h e h ave ju st th e o ne flo or o r a d oub le d eck er? " "W ell, o ne . . . b ut th ey's a lo t to it . O ld h o use s g o t a lo t a n o oks a nd c ra nnie s, y o u k no w ." Fin ally , w e g o b ack in th e k it c hen. W e b oth s ta re d ow n a t th e b re ak fa st ta b le , b ut n eit h er o ne o f u s sit s . I 'm g ettin g s o jit te ry w ond erin g w hat s h e's th in k in g, m y h ead s ta rts to s w eat.

"Y ou g o t a b ig , p re tty h o use ," I s a y. " A ll th e w ay o ut h ere in th e c o untr y . L ot a w ork to b e d one." She s ta rts fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g. " I g uess M is su s W alt e rs ' w as a lo t e asie r th an th is w ould be. I m ean, it 's ju st u s n o w , b ut w hen w e g et to h avin g k id s . . ." "Y ou, u h, g o t s o m e o th er m aid s y o u c o nsid erin g?" She s ig hs. " A b unch h ave c o m e o ut h ere . I ju st h aven't fo und ... th e r ig ht o ne y et." S he b it e s o n h er fin gern ails , s h if ts h er e yes a w ay.

I w ait fo r h er to s a y I 'm n o t th e r ig ht o ne e it h er, b ut w e ju st s ta nd th ere b re ath in g in th at flo ur. F in ally , I p la y m y la st c ard , w his p er it b ecause it 's a ll I g o t le ft.

"Y ou k no w , I o nly le ft M is s W alt e rs c ause s h e g o in g u p to th e r e st h o m e. S he d id n't fir e m e." But s h e ju st s ta re s d ow n a t h er b are fe et, b la ck -so le d b ecause h er flo ors h aven't b een s c ru b bed sin ce s h e m oved in th is b ig o ld d ir ty h o use . A nd it 's c le ar, th is la d y d oesn 't w ant m e.

"W ell, " s h e s a ys, " I a p pre cia te y o u d riv in g a ll th is w ay. C an I a t le ast g iv e y o u s o m e m oney fo r th e gas? " I p ic k u p m y p ock etb ook a nd th ru st it u p u nd er m y a rm pit . S he g iv es m e a c heery s m ile I c o uld wip e o ff w it h o ne s w at.

Dam n th at H illy H olb ro ok.

"N o m a'a m , n o , y o u c anno t." "I k new it w as g o nna b e a c ho re fin d in g s o m eo ne, b ut . . ." I s ta nd th ere lis te nin g to h er a ctin g a ll s o rry b ut I ju st th in k , Get it o ver w it h , la dy, s o I c a n t e ll Lero y w e g ot t o m ove a ll t h e w ay t o t h e N orth P ole n ex t t o S anty C la us w here n obody's h ea rd Hilly 's lie s a bout m e.

". . . a nd if I w ere y o u I w ould n't w ant to c le an th is b ig h o use e it h er." I lo ok a t h er s q uare o n. N ow th at's ju st e xcusin g h ers e lf a lit tle to o m uch, p re te nd in g M in ny a in 't gettin g th e jo b c ause M in ny d on't want th e jo b.

"W hen y o u h ear m e s a y I d on't w ant a c le an th is h o use ?" "It's a lr ig ht, fiv e m aid s h ave a lr e ad y to ld m e it 's to o m uch w ork ." I lo ok d ow n a t m y h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound , fiv e-fo ot- ze ro s e lf p ra ctic ally b ustin g o ut o f m y unif o rm . " T oo m uch fo r m e?" She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " Y ou . . . y o u'll d o it ? " "W hy y o u th in k I d ro ve a ll th e w ay o ut h ere to k in gd om c o m e, ju st to b urn g as? " I c la m p m y m outh sh ut.

Don't g o r u ir n in g t h is n ow , s h e o ffe rin g y o u a j a y-o -b ee.

" M is s C elia , I b e h ap py to w ork fo r y o u." She la ughs a nd th e c ra zy w om an g o es to h ug m e, b ut I s te p b ack a lit tle , le t h er k no w th at's n o t th e kin d o f th in g I d o.

"H ang o n n o w , w e g o t to ta lk a b out s o m e th in gs fir s t. Y ou g o t to te ll m e w hat d ays y o u w ant m e here a nd ... a nd th at k in d a th in g." Lik e h ow m uch y o u p ayin g.

"I g uess . . . w henever y o u fe el lik e c o m in g," s h e s a ys.

"F or M is s W alt e rs I w ork S und ay th ro ugh F rid ay." Mis s C elia c hew s s o m e m ore o n h er p in k p in k y-n ail. " Y ou c an't c o m e h ere o n w eek end s." "A lr ig ht." I n eed th e d ays, b ut m ayb e la te r o n s h e'll le t m e d o s o m e p arty s e rv in g o r w hatn o t.

"M ond ay th ro ugh F rid ay th en. N ow , w hat tim e y o u w ant m e h ere in th e m orn in g?" "W hat tim e d o y o u w ant to c o m e in ?" I'v e n ever h ad th is c ho ic e b efo re . I fe el m y e yes n arro w u p . " H ow b out e ig ht. T hat's w hen M is s Walt e rs u se d to g et m e in ." "A lr ig ht, e ig ht's r e al g o od." T hen s h e s ta nd s th ere lik e s h e's w ait in g fo r m y n ext c heck er m ove.

"N ow y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e w hat tim e I g o t to le ave." "W hat tim e?" a sk s C elia .

I r o ll m y e yes a t h er. " M is s C elia , y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e th at. T hat's th e w ay it w ork s." She s w allo w s, lik e s h e's tr y in g r e al h ard to g et th is d ow n. I ju st w ant to g et th ro ugh th is b efo re s h e changes h er m in d a b out m e.

"H ow b out fo ur o 'c lo ck ?" I s a y. " I w ork e ig ht to fo ur a nd I g ets s o m e tim e fo r lu nch o r w hat- h ave- yo u." "T hat's ju st fin e." "N ow . . . w e g o t to ta lk b out p ay," I s a y a nd m y to es s ta rt w rig glin g in m y s h o es. I t m ust n o t b e much if fiv e m aid s a lr e ad y s a id n o .

Neit h er o ne o f u s s a ys a nyth in g.

"N ow c o m e o n, M is s C elia . W hat y o ur h usb and s a y y o u c an p ay?" She lo oks o ff a t th e V eg-O -M atic I b et s h e c an't e ven u se a nd s a ys, " J o hnny d oesn 't k no w ." "A lr ig ht th en. A sk h im to nig ht w hat h e w ants to p ay." "N o, J o hnny d oesn 't k no w I 'm b rin gin g in h elp ." My c hin d ro ps d ow n to m y c hest. " W hat y o u m ean h e d on't k no w ?" "I a m not te llin g J o hnny." H er b lu e e yes a re b ig , lik e s h e's s c are d to d eath o f h im .

"A nd w hat's M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd fin d a c o lo re d w om an u p in h is k it c hen?" "I'm s o rry , I ju st c an't - -" "I'll te ll y o u w hat h e's g o ne d o, h e's g o ne g et th at p is to l a nd s h o ot M in ny d ead r ig ht h ere o n th is n o - wax flo or." Mis s C elia s h ak es h er h ead . " I'm n o t te llin g h im ." "T hen I g o t to g o ," I s a y.

Shit . I k new it . I k new s h e w as c ra zy w hen I w alk ed in t h e d oor -- "It's n o t th at I 'd b e fib bin g to h im . I ju st n eed a m aid --" "A c o urs e y o u n eed a m aid . L ast o ne d one g o t s h o t in th e h ead ." "H e n ever c o m es h o m e d urin g th e d ay. J u st d o th e h eavy c le anin g a nd te ach m e h o w to fix s u p per and it 'll o nly ta k e a fe w m onth s--" My n o se p ric k le s fr o m s o m eth in g b urn in g. I s e e a w aft o f s m oke c o m in g fr o m th e o ven. " A nd th en what, y o u g o ne fir e m e a fte r th em fe w m onth s? " "T hen I 'll . . . te ll h im ," s h e s a y b ut s h e's fr o w nin g a t th e th o ught. " P le ase , I w ant h im to th in k I c an do it o n m y o w n. I w ant h im to th in k I 'm . . . w orth th e tr o ub le ." "M is s C elia . . ." I s h ak e m y h ead , n o t b elie vin g I 'm a lr e ad y a rg uin g w it h th is la d y a nd I h aven't work ed h ere tw o m in ute s. " I th in k y o u d one b urn ed u p y o ur c ak e." She g ra b s a r a g a nd r u sh es to th e o ven a nd je rk s th e c ak e o ut. " O ww! D aw go n it ! " I s e t m y p ock etb ook d ow n, s id le h er o ut o f th e w ay. " Y ou c an't u se n o w et to w el o n a h o t p an." I g ra b a d ry r a g a nd ta k e th at b la ck c ak e o ut th e d oor, s e t it d ow n o n th e c o ncre te s te p .

Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n a t h er b urn ed h and . " M is su s W alt e rs s a id y o u w ere a r e al g o od c o ok." "T hat o ld w om an e at tw o b utte rb eans a nd s a y s h e fu ll. I c o uld n't g et h er to e at n o th in g." "H ow m uch w as s h e p ayin g y o u?" "D olla r a n h o ur," I s a y, fe elin g k in d o f a sh am ed . F iv e y ears a nd n o t e ven m in im um w age.

"T hen I 'll p ay y o u tw o." And I fe el a ll th e b re ath s lip o ut o f m e.

"W hen M is te r J o hnny g et o ut th e h o use in th e m orn in g?" I a sk , c le anin g u p th e b utte rs tic k m elt in g rig ht o n th e c o unte r, n o t e ven a p la te u nd er it .

"S ix . H e c an't s ta nd to d o-d ad a ro und h ere v ery lo ng. T hen h e h ead s b ack fr o m h is r e al e sta te o ffic e ab out fiv e." I d o s o m e fig urin g a nd e ven w it h th e fe w er h o urs it 'd b e m ore p ay. B ut I c an't g et p aid if I g et s h o t dead . " I'll le ave a t th re e th en. G iv e m yse lf tw o h o urs c o m in g a nd g o in g s o I c an s ta y o ut a h is w ay." "G ood." S he n o ds. " It's b est to b e s a fe ." On th e b ack s te p , M is s C elia d um ps th e c ak e in a p ap er s a ck . " I'll h ave to b ury th is in th e w aste b in so h e w on't k no w I 'v e b urn ed u p a no th er o ne." I ta k e th e b ag o ut o f h er h and s. " M is te r J o hnny a in 't s e ein g n o th in g. I 'll th ro w it o ut a t m y h o use ." "O h, th ank y o u." M is s C elia s h ak es h er h ead lik e th at's th e n ic est th in g a nyo ne's e ver d one fo r h er.

She h o ld s h er h and s in tig ht lit tle fis ts u nd er h er c hin . I w alk o ut to m y c ar.

I s it in th e s a ggin g s e at o f th e F ord L ero y's s till p ayin g h is b oss tw elv e d olla rs e very w eek fo r. R elie f hit s m e. I h ave fin ally g o tte n m yse lf a jo b. I d on't h ave to m ove to th e N orth P ole . W on't S anty Cla us b e d is a p poin te d .

"S IT D O W N O n Y O UR B EH IN D, M in ny, b ecause I 'm a b out to te ll y o u th e r u le s fo r w ork in g in a Whit e L ad y's h o use ." I w as fo urte en y ears o ld to th e d ay. I s a t a t th e lit tle w ooden ta b le in m y m am a's k it c hen e yein g th at cara m el c ak e o n th e c o olin g r a ck , w ait in g to b e ic ed . B ir th d ays w ere th e o nly d ay o f th e y ear I w as allo w ed to e at a s m uch a s I w ante d .

I w as a b out to q uit s c ho ol a nd s ta rt m y fir s t r e al jo b. M am a w ante d m e to s ta y o n a nd g o to n in th gra d e--sh e'd a lw ays w ante d to b e a s c ho olt e acher in ste ad o f w ork in g in M is s W oodra 's h o use . B ut wit h m y s is te r's h eart p ro ble m a nd m y n o -g o od d ru nk d ad dy, it w as u p to m e a nd M am a. I a lr e ad y knew a b out h o use w ork . A fte r s c ho ol, I d id m ost o f th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. B ut if I w as g o in g off to w ork in s o m eb ody e ls e 's h o use , w ho 'd b e lo okin g a fte r o urs ?

Mam a tu rn ed m e b y th e s h o uld ers s o I 'd lo ok a t h er in ste ad o f th e c ak e. M am a w as a c ra ck -w hip . She w as p ro per. S he to ok n o th in g fr o m n o body. S he s h o ok h er fin ger s o c lo se to m y fa ce, it m ad e me c ro ss-e yed .

"R ule N um ber O ne fo r w ork in g fo r a w hit e la d y, M in ny: it is n o body's b usin ess. Y ou k eep y o ur n o se out o f y o ur W hit e L ad y's p ro ble m s, y o u d on't g o c ry in g to h er w it h y o urs --y o u c an't p ay th e lig ht bill? Y our fe et a re to o s o re ? R em em ber o ne th in g: w hit e p eo ple a re n o t y o ur fr ie nd s. T hey d on't want to h ear a b out it . A nd w hen M is s W hit e L ad y c atc hes h er m an w it h th e la d y n ext d oor, y o u keep o ut o f it , y o u h ear m e?

"R ule N um ber T w o: d on't y o u ev er le t th at W hit e L ad y fin d y o u s it tin g o n h er to ile t. I d on't c are if yo u'v e g o t to g o s o b ad it 's c o m in g o ut o f y o ur h air b ra id s. I f th ere 's n o t o ne o ut b ack fo r th e h elp , yo u fin d y o urs e lf a tim e w hen s h e's n o t th ere in a b ath ro om s h e d oesn 't u se .

"R ule N um ber T hre e--" M am a je rk ed m y c hin b ack a ro und to fa ce h er b ecause th at c ak e h ad lu re d me in a gain . " R ule N um ber T hre e: w hen y o u'r e c o okin g w hit e p eo ple 's fo od, y o u ta ste it w it h a dif fe re nt s p oon. Y ou p ut th at s p oon to y o ur m outh , th in k n o body's lo okin g, p ut it b ack in th e p ot, mig ht a s w ell th ro w it o ut.

"R ule N um ber F our: Y ou u se th e s a m e c up , s a m e fo rk , s a m e p la te e very d ay. K eep it in a s e p ara te cup board a nd te ll th at w hit e w om an th at's th e o ne y o u'll u se fr o m h ere o n o ut.

"R ule N um ber F iv e: y o u e at in th e k it c hen.

"R ule N um ber S ix : y o u d on't h it o n h er c hild re n. W hit e p eo ple lik e to d o th eir o w n s p ank in g." "R ule N um ber S even: th is is th e la st o ne, M in ny. A re y o u lis te nin g to m e? N o s a ss-m outh in g." "M am a, I k no w h o w --" "O h, I h ear y o u w hen y o u th in k I c an't , m utte rin g a b out h avin g to c le an th e s to vep ip e, a b out th e la st lit tle p ie ce o f c hic k en le ft fo r p oor M in ny. Y ou s a ss a w hit e w om an in th e m orn in g, y o u'll b e s a ssin g out o n th e s tr e et in th e a fte rn o on." I s a w th e w ay m y m am a a cte d w hen M is s W oodra b ro ught h er h o m e, a ll Y es M a'a m in g, N o Ma'a m in g, I s u re d o th ank y o u M a'a m in g.

Why I g ot t o b e lik e t h at? I k now h ow t o s ta nd u p t o peo ple .

"N ow c o m e h ere a nd g iv e y o ur m am a a h ug o n y o ur b ir th d ay--L ord , y o u a re h eavy a s a h o use , Min ny." "I a in 't e ate n a ll d ay, w hen c an I h ave m y c ak e?" "D on't s a y a in 't , y o u s p eak p ro perly n o w . I d id n't r a is e y o u to ta lk lik e a m ule ." Fir s t d ay a t m y W hit e L ad y's h o use , I a te m y h am s a nd w ic h in th e k it c hen, p ut m y p la te u p in m y sp ot in th e c up board . W hen th at lit tle b ra t s to le m y p ock etb ook a nd h id it in th e o ven, I d id n't who op h er o n th e b ehin d .

But w hen th e W hit e L ad y s a id : " N ow I w ant y o u to b e s u re a nd h and w ash a ll th e c lo th es fir s t, th en put th em in th e e le ctr ic m achin e to fin is h u p ." I s a id : " W hy I g o t to h and w ash w hen th e p ow er w ash er g o ne d o th e jo b? T hat's th e b ig gest w aste a tim e I e ver h eard o f." That W hit e L ad y s m ile d a t m e, a nd fiv e m in ute s la te r, I w as o ut o n th e s tr e et.

WORK IN G F O R M is s C ELIA , I 'll g et to s e e m y k id s o ff to S pann E le m enta ry in th e m orn in g a nd still g et h o m e in th e e venin g w it h tim e to m yse lf . I h aven't h ad a n ap s in ce K in d ra w as b orn in 1 957, but w it h th ese h o urs --e ig ht to th re e--I c o uld h ave o ne e very d ay if th at w as m y id ea o f a fin e tim e.

Sin ce n o b us g o es a ll th e w ay o ut to M is s C elia 's , I h ave to ta k e L ero y's c ar.

"Y ou a in 't ta k in g m y c ar e very d ay, w om an, w hat if I g et th e d ay s h if t a nd n eed to --" "S he p ayin g m e s e venty d olla rs c ash e very F rid ay, L ero y." "M ayb e I ta k e S ugar's b ik e." On T uesd ay, th e d ay a fte r th e in te rv ie w , I p ark th e c ar d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m M is s C elia 's h o use , aro und a c urv e s o y o u c an't s e e it . I w alk fa st o n th e e m pty r o ad a nd u p th e d riv e. N o o th er c ars co m e b y.

"I'm h ere , M is s C elia ." I s tic k m y h ead in h er b ed ro om th at fir s t m orn in g a nd th ere s h e is , p ro pped up o n th e c o vers w it h h er m ak eup p erfe ct a nd h er tig ht F rid ay-n ig ht c lo th es o n e ven th o ugh it 's Tuesd ay, r e ad in g th e tr a sh in th e Holly w ood D ig est lik e it 's th e H oly B .

"G ood m orn in g, M in ny! I t's r e al g o od to s e e y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd I b ris tle , h earin g a w hit e la d y b ein g so fr ie nd ly .

I lo ok a ro und th e b ed ro om , s iz in g u p th e jo b. I t's b ig , w it h c re am -c o lo re d c arp et, a y ello w k in g cano py b ed , tw o fa t y ello w c hair s . A nd it 's n eat, w it h n o c lo th es o n th e flo or. T he s p re ad 's m ad e u p und ern eath h er. T he b la nk et o n th e c hair 's fo ld ed n ic e. B ut I w atc h, I lo ok. I c an fe el it . S om eth in g's wro ng.

"W hen c an w e g et to o ur fir s t c o okin g le sso n?" s h e a sk s. " C an w e s ta rt to day?" "I r e ck on in a fe w d ays, a fte r y o u g o to th e s to re a nd p ic k u p w hat w e n eed ." She th in k s a b out th is a s e co nd , s a ys, " M ayb e y o u o ught to g o , M in ny, s in ce y o u k no w w hat to b uy and a ll. " I lo ok a t h er. M ost w hit e w om en lik e to d o th eir o w n s h o ppin g. " A lr ig ht, I g o in th e m orn in g, th en." I s p ot a s m all p in k s h ag r u g s h e's p ut o n to p o f th e c arp et n ext to th e b ath ro om d oor. K in d o f c atty - co rn ere d . I 'm n o d eco ra to r, b ut I k no w a p in k r u g d oesn 't m atc h a y ello w r o om .

"M is s C elia , fo re I g et g o in g h ere , I n eed to k no w . E xactly w hen y o u p la nnin g o n te llin g M is te r Jo hnny b out m e?" She e yes th e m agazin e in h er la p . " In a fe w m onth s, I r e ck on. I o ught to k no w h o w to c o ok a nd s tu ff by th en." "B y a fe w , is y o u m eanin g tw o?" She b it e s h er lip stic k y lip s. " I w as th in k in g m ore lik e . . . fo ur." Say w hat?

I 'm n o t w ork in g fo ur m onth s lik e a n e sc ap ed c rim in al. " Y ou a in 't g o ne te ll h im till 1 963?

No m a'a m , befo re C hris tm as." She s ig hs. " A lr ig ht. B ut r ig ht b efo re ." I d o s o m e fig urin g. " T hat's a h und re d a nd . . . s ix te en d ays th en. Y ou g o ne te ll h im . A h und re d a nd six te en d ays fr o m n o w ." She g iv es m e a w orrie d fr o w n. I g uess s h e d id n't e xp ect th e m aid to b e s o g o od a t m ath . F in ally s h e sa ys, " O kay." Then I te ll h er s h e n eed s to g o o n in th e liv in g r o om , le t m e d o m y w ork in h ere . W hen s h e's g o ne, I eyeb all th e r o om , a t h o w n eat it a ll lo oks. R eal s lo w , I o pen h er c lo se t a nd ju st lik e I th o ught, fo rty - fiv e th in gs fa ll d ow n o n m y h ead . T hen I lo ok u nd er th e b ed a nd fin d e no ugh d ir ty c lo th es to w here I bet s h e's h asn 't w ash ed in m onth s.

Every d ra w er is a w re ck , e very h id den c ra nny fu ll o f d ir ty c lo th es a nd w ad ded -u p s to ck in gs. I fin d fif te en b oxes o f n ew s h ir ts fo r M is te r J o hnny s o h e w on't k no w s h e c an't w ash a nd ir o n. F in ally , I lif t up th at fu nny-lo okin g p in k s h ag r u g. U nd ern eath , th ere 's a b ig , d eep s ta in th e c o lo r o f r u st. I sh ud der.

TH AT A FTER N OON, M is s C elia a nd I m ak e a lis t o f w hat to c o ok th at w eek , a nd th e n ext morn in g I d o th e g ro cery s h o ppin g. B ut it ta k es m e tw ic e a s lo ng b ecause I h ave to d riv e a ll th e w ay to th e w hit e J it n ey J u ngle in to w n in ste ad o f th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly b y m e s in ce I fig ure s h e w on't eat fo od fr o m a c o lo re d g ro cery s to re a nd I r e ck on I d on't b la m e h er, w it h th e p ota to es h avin g in ch- lo ng e yes a nd th e m ilk a lm ost s o ur. W hen I g et to w ork , I 'm r e ad y to fig ht w it h h er o ver a ll th e re aso ns I 'm la te , b ut th ere M is s C elia is o n th e b ed lik e b efo re , s m ilin g lik e it d oesn 't m atte r. A ll dre sse d u p a nd g o in g n o w here . F or fiv e h o urs s h e s it s th ere , r e ad in g th e m agazin es. T he o nly tim e I se e h er g et u p is fo r a g la ss o f m ilk o r to p ee. B ut I d on't a sk . I 'm ju st th e m aid .

Afte r I c le an th e k it c hen, I g o in th e fo rm al liv in g r o om . I s to p in th e d oorw ay a nd g iv e th at g riz zly bear a g o od lo ng s ta re . H e's s e ven fe et ta ll a nd b arin g h is te eth . H is c la w s a re lo ng, c urle d , w it c hy- lo okin g. A t h is fe et la ys a b one-h and le d h untin g k nif e . I g et c lo se r a nd s e e h is fu r's n ap py w it h d ust.

There 's a c o bw eb b etw een h is ja w s.

Fir s t, I s w at a t th e d ust w it h m y b ro om , b ut it 's th ic k , m atte d u p in h is fu r. A ll th is d oes is m ove th e dust a ro und . S o I ta k e a c lo th a nd tr y a nd w ip e h im d ow n, b ut I s q uaw k e very tim e th at w ir y h air to uches m y h and .

Whit e p eo ple . I m ean, I h ave c le aned e very th in g fr o m r e fr ig era to rs to r e ar e nd s but w hat m ak es th at la d y th in k I k no w h o w to c le an a d am n g riz zly b ear?

I g o g et th e H oover. I s u ck th e d ir t o ff a nd e xcep t fo r a fe w s p ots w here I s u ck ed to o h ard a nd th in ned h im , I th in k it w ork ed o ut p re tty g o od.

Afte r I 'm d one w it h th e b ear, I d ust th e fa ncy b ooks n o body r e ad s, th e C onfe d era te c o at b utto ns, th e s ilv er p is to l. O n a ta b le is a g o ld p ic tu re fr a m e o f M is s C elia a nd M is te r J o hnny a t th e a lt a r a nd I lo ok c lo se to s e e w hat k in d o f m an h e is . I 'm h o pin g h e's fa t a nd s h o rt- le gged in c ase it c o m es to ru nnin g, b ut h e's n o t a nyw here c lo se . H e's s tr o ng, ta ll, th ic k . A nd h e's n o s tr a nger e it h er. L ord . H e's th e o ne w ho w ent s te ad y w it h M is s H illy a ll th o se y ears w hen I fir s t w ork ed fo r M is s W alt e rs . I never m et h im , b ut I s a w h im e no ugh tim es to b e s u re . I s h iv er, m y fe ars tr ip lin g. B ecause th at a lo ne sa ys m ore a b out th at m an th an a nyth in g.

AT O NE O 'C LO CK , M is s C elia c o m es in th e k it c hen a nd s a ys s h e's r e ad y fo r h er fir s t c o okin g le sso n. S he s e ttle s o n a s to ol. S he's w earin g a tig ht r e d s w eate r a nd a r e d s k ir t a nd e no ugh m ak eup to s c are a h o oker.

"W hat y o u k no w h o w to c o ok a lr e ad y?" I a sk .

She th in k s th is o ver, w rin k lin g h er fo re head . " M ayb e w e c o uld ju st s ta rt a t th e b egin nin g." "M ust b e s o m eth in g y o u k no w . W hat y o ur m am a te ach y o u g ro w in g u p ?" She lo oks d ow n a t th e w eb by fe et o f h er p anty h o se , s a ys, " I c an c o ok c o rn p one." I c an't h elp b ut la ugh. " W hat e ls e y o u k no w h o w to d o s id es c o rn p one?" "I c an b oil p ota to es." H er v o ic e d ro ps e ven q uie te r. " A nd I c an d o g rit s . W e d id n't h ave e le ctr ic curre nt o ut w here I liv ed . B ut I 'm r e ad y to le arn r ig ht. O n a r e al s to veto p." Lord . I 'v e n ever m et a w hit e p ers o n w ors e o ff th an m e e xcep t fo r c ra zy M is te r W ally , liv es b ehin d th e C anto n fe ed s to re a nd e ats th e c at fo od.

"Y ou b een fe ed in g y o ur h usb and g rit s a nd c o rn p one e ver d ay?" Mis s C elia n o ds. " B ut y o u'll te ach m e to c o ok r ig ht, w on't y o u?" "I'll tr y ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever to ld a w hit e w om an w hat to d o a nd I d on't r e ally k no w h o w to sta rt. I p ull u p m y h o se , th in k a b out it . F in ally , I p oin t to th e c an o n th e c o unte r.

"I r e ck on if th ere 's a nyth in g y o u o ught a k no w a b out c o okin g, it 's th is ." "T hat's ju st la rd , a in 't it ? " "N o, it a in 't ju st la rd ," I s a y. " It's th e m ost im porta nt in ventio n in th e k it c hen s in ce ja rre d mayo nnais e ." "W hat's s o s p ecia l a b out" - -sh e w rin k le s h er n o se a t it - -"p ig fa t? " "A in 't pig , it 's v egeta b le ." W ho in th is w orld d oesn 't k no w w hat C ris c o is ? " Y ou d on't h ave a c lu e o f all th e th in gs y o u c an d o w it h th is h ere c an." She s h ru gs. " F ry ?" "A in 't ju st fo r fr y in g. Y ou e ver g et a s tic k y s o m eth in g s tu ck in y o ur h air , lik e g um ?" I ja ck ham mer m y fin ger o n th e C ris c o c an. " T hat's r ig ht, C ris c o . S pre ad th is o n a b ab y's b otto m , y o u w on't e ven kno w w hat d ia p er r a sh is ." I p lo p th re e s c o ops in th e b la ck s k ille t. " S ho ot, I s e en la d ie s r u b it u nd er th ey e yes a nd o n th ey h usb and 's s c aly fe et." "L ook h o w p re tty it is ," s h e s a ys. " L ik e w hit e c ak e fr o stin g." "C le an th e g o o fr o m a p ric e ta g, ta k e th e s q ueak o ut a d oor h in ge. L ig hts g et c ut o ff, s tic k a w ic k in it a nd b urn it lik e a c and le ." I tu rn o n th e fla m e a nd w e w atc h it m elt d ow n in th e p an. " A nd a fte r a ll th at, it 'll s till fr y y o ur chic k en." "A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys, c o ncentr a tin g h ard . " W hat's n ext? " "C hic k en's b een s o ak in g in th e b utte rm ilk ," I s a y. " N ow m ix u p th e d ry ." I p our flo ur, s a lt , m ore s a lt , pep per, p ap rik a, a nd a p in ch o f c ayenne in to a d oub le d p ap er s a ck .

"N ow . P ut th e c hic k en p arts in th e b ag a nd s h ak e it ." Mis s C elia p uts a r a w c hic k en th ig h in , b um ps th e b ag a ro und . " L ik e th is ? J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n Bak e c o m merc ia ls o n th e te e-v ee?" "Y eah," I s a y a nd r u n m y to ngue u p o ver m y te eth b ecause if th at's n o t a n in su lt , I d on't k no w w hat is . " J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n B ak e." B ut th en I fr e eze . I h ear th e s o und o f a c ar m oto r o ut o n th e r o ad . I ho ld s till a nd lis te n. I s e e M is s C elia 's e yes a re b ig a nd s h e's lis te nin g to o. W e'r e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: W hat if it 's h im a nd w here w ill I h id e?

The c ar m oto r p asse s. W e b oth b re ath e a gain .

"M is s C elia ," I g rit m y te eth , " h o w c o m e y o u c an't te ll y o ur h usb and a b out m e? A in 't h e g o ne k no w when th e c o okin g g ets g o od?" "O h, I d id n't th in k o f th at! M ayb e w e o ught to b urn th e c hic k en a lit tle ." I lo ok a t h er s id ew ays. I a in 't b urn in g n o c hic k en. S he d id n't a nsw er th e r e al q uestio n, b ut I 'll g et it out o f h er s o on e no ugh.

Real c are fu l, I la y th e d ark m eat in th e p an. I t b ub ble s u p lik e a s o ng a nd w e w atc h th e th ig hs a nd le gs tu rn b ro w n. I lo ok o ver a nd M is s C elia 's s m ilin g a t m e.

"W hat? S om eth in g o n m y fa ce?" "N o," s h e s a ys, te ars c o m in g u p in h er e yes. S he to uches m y a rm . " I'm ju st r e al g ra te fu l y o u'r e h ere ." I m ove m y a rm b ack fr o m u nd er h er h and . " M is s C elia , y o u g o t a lo t m ore to b e g ra te fu l fo r th an me." "I k no w ." S he lo oks a t h er fa ncy k it c hen lik e it 's s o m eth in g th at ta ste s b ad . " I n ever d re am ed I 'd have th is m uch." "W ell, a in 't y o u lu ck y." "I'v e n ever b een h ap pie r in m y w ho le lif e ." I le ave it a t th at. U nd ern eath a ll th at h ap py, s h e s u re d oesn 't lo ok h ap py.

TH AT N IG HT, I c all A IB IL EEN .

"M is s H illy w as a t M is s L eefo lt 's y este rd ay," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a sk if a nyb ody k new w here y o u was w ork in g." "L ord y, s h e fin d m e o ut th ere , s h e r u ir n it fo r s u re ." I t's b een tw o w eek s s in ce th e T errib le A w fu l Thin g I d id to th at w om an. I k no w s h e'd ju st lo ve to s e e m e fir e d o n th e s p ot.

"W hat L ero y s a y w hen y o u to ld h im y o u g o t th e jo b?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"S ho ot. H e s tr u t a ro und th e k it c hen lik e a p lu m ed r o oste r c ause h e in fr o nt a th e k id s," I s a y. " A ct lik e h e th e o nly o ne s u p portin g th e fa m ily a nd I 'm ju st d oin g th is to k eep m y p oor s e lf e nte rta in ed .

Late r o n th o ugh, w e in b ed a nd I th o ught m y b ig o ld b ull fo r a h usb and g o ne c ry ." Aib ile en la ughs. " L ero y g o t a lo t a p rid e." "Y eah, I ju st g o t to m ak e s u re M is te r J o hnny d on't c atc h u p w it h m e." "A nd s h e a in 't to ld y o u w hy s h e d on't w ant h im to k no w ?" "A ll s h e s a y is s h e w ant h im to th in k s h e c an d o th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g h ers e lf . B ut th at a in 't why. S he h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im ." "A in 't it fu nny h o w th is w ork ed o ut. M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body, e ls e it 'll g et b ack to M is te r J o hnny.

So M is s H illy w on't fin d o ut, c ause M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body. Y ou c o uld n't a fix ed it u p b ette r yo urs e lf ." "M m-h m m" is a ll I s a y. I d on't w ant to s o und u ngra te fu l, s in ce A ib ile en's th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut I c an't h elp b ut th in k th at I 'v e ju st d oub le d m y tr o ub le , w hat w it h M is s H illy a nd n o w M is te r Jo hnny to o.

"M in ny, I b een m eanin g to a sk y o u." A ib ile en c le ars h er th ro at. " Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " "T all o ne, u se d to c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs fo r b rid ge?" "Y eah, w hat y o u th in k a b out h er? " "I d on't k no w , s h e w hit e ju st lik e th e r e st o f e m . W hy? W hat s h e s a y a b out m e?" "N oth in g a b out y o u," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he ju st . . . a fe w w eek s a go , I d on't k no w w hy I k eep th in k in g a b out it . S he a sk m e s o m eth in g. A sk d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. W hit e w om an n ever ask ed --" But th en L ero y s tu m ble s in fr o m th e b ed ro om w antin g h is c o ffe e b efo re h is la te s h if t.

"S ho ot, h e's u p ," I s a y. " T alk q uic k ." "N aw , n ever m in d . I t's n o th in g," A ib ile en s a ys.

"W hat? W hat's g o in g o n? W hat th at la d y te ll y o u?" "It w as ju st ja b ber. I t w as n o nse nse ." ch ap te r 4 M Y F IR ST W EEK a t M is s C elia 's , I s c ru b th e h o use u ntil th ere is n 't a d ust r a g o r a s tr ip ped s h eet o r e ven a r u n p anty h o se le ft to w ip e w it h . S eco nd w eek , I s c ru b th e h o use a gain b ecause it 's lik e t h e d ir t g re w b ack . T hir d w eek , I a m s a tis fie d a nd s e ttle in m y w ays.

E very d ay, M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve I 'v e c o m e b ack to w ork . I 'm th e o nly th in g t h at in te rru p ts a ll th at q uie t a ro und h er. M y h o use is a lw ays fu ll o f fiv e k id s a nd n eig hb ors a nd a h usb and . M ost d ays w hen I c o m e in to M is s C elia 's , I a m g ra te fu l fo r th e p eace.

M y h o use k eep in g ta sk s fa ll o n th e s a m e d ay fo r e very jo b I ta k e: o n M ond ay, I o il u p th e fu rn it u re .

T uesd ay, I w ash a nd ir o n th e d am n s h eets , th e d ay I h ate . W ed nesd ay is fo r s c ru b bin g th e b ath tu b r e al g o od e ven th o ugh I w ip e it d ow n e very m orn in g. T hurs d ay is fo r p olis h in g flo ors a nd s u ck in g r u gs, m in d in g th e a ntiq ue o nes w it h a h and b ro om s o th ey d on't th re ad . F rid ay is h eavy c o okin g fo r t h e w eek end a nd w hat- h ave-y o u. A nd e very d ay is m oppin g, w ash in g c lo th es a nd ir o nin g s h ir ts s o t h ey d on't g o g ettin g o ut o f h and , a nd g enera lly k eep in g th in gs c le an. S ilv er a nd w in d ow s, th ey'r e a s n eed ed . S in ce th ere a re n't a ny k id s to lo ok a fte r, th ere 's a m ple tim e le ft fo r M is s C elia 's s o -c alle d c o okin g le sso n.

M is s C elia n ever d oes a ny e nte rta in in g, s o w e ju st fix w hate ver s h e a nd M is te r J o hnny a re h avin g fo r s u p per: p ork c ho ps, fr ie d c hic k en, r o ast b eef, c hic k en p ie , la m b r a ck , b ak ed h am , fr ie d to m ato es, m ash ed p ota to es, p lu s th e v egeta b le s. O r a t le ast I c o ok a nd M is s C elia fid gets , lo okin g m ore lik e a f iv e-y ear- o ld th an th e r ic h la d y p ayin g m y r e nt. W hen th e le sso n's o ver, s h e r u sh es b ack to la yin g d ow n. I n fa ct, th e o nly tim e M is s C elia w alk s te n fe et is to c o m e in th e k it c hen fo r h er le sso n o r to s n eak u p sta ir s e very tw o o r th re e d ays, u p in th e c re ep y r o om s.

I d on't k no w w hat s h e d oes fo r fiv e m in ute s o n th e s e co nd flo or. I d on't lik e it u p th ere th o ugh.

T ho se b ed ro om s s h o uld b e s ta ck ed fu ll o f k id s la ughin g a nd h o lle rin g a nd p oopin g u p th e p la ce. B ut i t 's n o ne o f m y b usin ess w hat M is s C elia d oes w it h h er d ay, a nd a sk m e, I 'm g la d s h e's s ta yin g o ut o f m y w ay. I 'v e fo llo w ed la d ie s a ro und w it h a b ro om in o ne h and a nd a tr a sh c an in th e o th er tr y in g to k eep u p w it h th eir m ess. A s lo ng a s s h e s ta ys in th at b ed , th en I 'v e g o t a jo b. E ven th o ugh s h e h as z e ro k id s a nd n o th in g to d o a ll d ay, s h e is th e la zie st w om an I 'v e e ver s e en.

In clu din g m y s is te r D ore ena w ho n ever lif te d a r o yal fin ger g ro w in g u p b ecause s h e h ad th e h eart d efe ct th at w e la te r f o und o ut w as a fly o n th e X -ra y m achin e.

A nd it 's n o t ju st th e b ed . M is s C elia w on't le ave th e house e xcep t to g et h er h air fr o ste d a nd h er e nd s tr im med . S o fa r, th at's o nly h ap pened o nce in th e th re e w eek s I 'v e b een w ork in g. T hir ty -six y ears o ld a nd I c an s till h ear m y m am a te llin g m e, It a in 't n obody's b usin ess.

B ut I w ant to k no w w hat th at la d y's s o s c are d o f o uts id e th is p la ce.

E V ERY P A Y DAY, I g iv e M is s C elia th e c o unt. " N in ety -n in e m ore d ays till y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny b out m e." "G olly , th e tim e's g o in g b y q uic k ," s h e'll s a y w it h k in d o f a s ic k lo ok.

"C at g o t o n th e p orc h th is m orn in g, b out g iv e m e a c ad illa c a rre st th in k in g it w as M is te r J o hnny." Lik e m e, M is s C elia g ets a lit tle m ore n erv o us th e c lo se r w e g et to th e d ead lin e. I d on't k no w w hat th at m an w ill d o w hen s h e te lls h im . M ayb e h e'll te ll h er to fir e m e.

"I h o pe th at's e no ugh tim e, M in ny. D o y o u th in k I 'm g ettin g a ny b ette r a t c o okin g?" s h e s a ys, a nd I lo ok a t h er. S he's g o t a p re tty s m ile , w hit e s tr a ig ht te eth , b ut s h e is th e w ors t c o ok I h ave e ver s e en.

So I b ack u p a nd te ach h er th e s im ple st th in gs b ecause I w ant h er to le arn a nd le arn it fa st. S ee, I need h er to e xp la in to h er h usb and w hy a h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound N egro w om an h as k eys to his h o use . I n eed h im to k no w w hy I h ave h is s te rlin g s ilv er a nd M is s C elia 's z illio n-k ara t r u b y earrin gs in m y h and e very d ay. I need h im to k no w th is b efo re h e w alk s in o ne fin e d ay a nd c alls th e polic e. O r s a ves a d im e a nd ta k es c are o f b usin ess h im se lf .

"G et th e h am h o ck o ut, m ak e s u re y o u g o t e no ugh w ate r in th ere , th at's r ig ht. N ow tu rn u p th e fla m e. S ee th at lit tle b ub ble th ere , th at m eans th e w ate r's h ap py." Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n in to th e p ot lik e s h e's lo okin g fo r h er fu tu re . " A re y o u h ap py, M in ny?" "W hy y o u a sk m e fu nny q uestio ns lik e th at? " "B ut a re y o u?" "C ours e I 's h ap py. Y ou h ap py to o. B ig h o use , b ig y ard , h usb and lo okin g a fte r y o u." I fr o w n a t M is s Celia a nd I m ak e s u re s h e c an s e e it . B ecause a in 't th at w hit e p eo ple fo r y o u, w ond erin g if th ey a re hap py en ough .

And w hen M is s C elia b urn s th e b eans, I tr y a nd u se s o m e o f th at s e lf - c o ntr o l m y m am a s w ore I w as born w it h o ut. " A lr ig ht," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth , " w e'll d o a no th er b atc h fo re M is te r J o hnny g et ho m e." Any o th er w om an I 'v e w ork ed fo r, I w ould 'v e lo ved to h ave h ad ju st o ne h o ur o f b ossin g th em aro und , s e e h o w th ey lik e it . B ut M is s C elia , th e w ay s h e s ta re s a t m e w it h th o se b ig e yes lik e I 'm th e b est th in g s in ce h air s p ra y in th e c an, I a lm ost r a th er s h e'd o rd er m e a ro und lik e s h e's s u p pose d to . I s ta rt to w ond er if h er la yin g d ow n a ll th e tim e h as a nyth in g to d o w it h h er n o t te llin g M is te r Jo hnny a b out m e. I g uess s h e c an s e e th e s u sp ic io us in m y e ye to o, b ecause o ne d ay, o ut o f th e b lu e sh e s a ys:

"I g et th ese n ig htm are s a lo t, th at I h ave to g o b ack to S ugar D it c h a nd liv e? T hat's w hy I la y d ow n so m uch." T hen s h e n o ds r e al fa st, lik e s h e's b een r e hears in g th is . " C ause I d on't s le ep r e al w ell a t nig ht." I g iv e h er a s tu p id s m ile , lik e I r e ally b elie ve th is , a nd g o b ack to w ip in g th e m ir ro rs .

"D on't d o it to o g o od. L eave s o m e s m ud ges." It's a lw ays s o m eth in g, m ir ro rs , flo ors , a d ir ty g la ss in th e s in k o r th e tr a sh c an fu ll. " W e'v e g o t to mak e it b elie vab le ," s h e'll s a y a nd I fin d m yse lf r e achin g fo r th at d ir ty g la ss a h und re d tim es to w ash it . I lik e th in gs c le an, p ut a w ay.

"I W IS H I C O ULD T EN D to th at a za le a b ush o ut th ere ," M is s C elia s a ys o ne d ay. S he's ta k en to la yin g o n th e c o uch w hile m y s to rie s a re o n, in te rru p tin g th e w ho le tim e. I 'v e b een tu ned in to The Guid in g L ig ht fo r tw enty -fo ur y ears , s in ce I w as te n y ears o ld a nd lis te nin g to it o n M am a's r a d io .

A D re ft c o m merc ia l c o m es o n a nd M is s C elia s ta re s o ut th e b ack w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d m an r a k in g up th e le aves. S he's g o t s o m any a za le a b ush es, h er y ard 's g o in g to lo ok lik e Gone W it h t h e W in d co m e s p rin g. I d on't lik e a za le as a nd I s u re d id n't lik e th at m ovie , th e w ay th ey m ad e s la very lo ok lik e a b ig h ap py te a p arty . I f I 'd p la yed M am my, I 'd o f to ld S carle tt to s tic k th o se g re en d ra p erie s u p her w hit e lit tle p ooper. M ak e h er o w n d am n m an-c atc hin g d re ss.

"A nd I k no w I c o uld m ak e th at r o se b ush b lo om if I p ru ned it b ack ," M is s C elia s a ys. " B ut th e fir s t th in g I 'd d o is c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e." "W hat's w ro ng w it h th at tr e e?" I p re ss th e c o rn er o f m y ir o n in to M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r- p oin t. I d on't even h ave a s h ru b , m uch le ss a tr e e, in m y e ntir e y ard .

"I d on't lik e th o se h air y flo w ers ." S he g aze s o ff lik e s h e's g o ne s o ft in th e h ead . " T hey lo ok lik e lit tle bab y h air s ." I g et th e c re ep ers w it h h er ta lk in g th at w ay. " Y ou k no w a b out flo w ers ? " She s ig hs. " I u se d to lo ve to te nd to m y flo w ers b ack in S ugar D it c h. I le arn ed to g ro w th in gs h o pin g I c o uld p re tty u p a ll th at u glin ess." "G o h ead o uts id e th en," I s a y, tr y in g n o t to s o und to o e xcit e d . " T ak e s o m e e xerc is e . G et s o m e fr e sh air ." Get o ut a h ere .

"N o," M is s C elia s ig hs. " I s h o uld n't b e r u nnin g a ro und o ut th ere . I n eed to b e s till. " It's r e ally s ta rtin g to ir rit a te m e h o w s h e n ever le aves th e h o use , h o w s h e s m ile s lik e th e m aid w alk in g in e very m orn in g is th e b est p art o f h er d ay. I t's lik e a n it c h. E very d ay I r e ach fo r it a nd c an't q uit e sc ra tc h it . E very d ay, it it c hes a lit tle w ors e . E very d ay s h e's th ere .

"M ayb e y o u o ught to g o m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s," I s a y. " L ot a la d ie s y o ur a ge in to w n." She fr o w ns u p a t m e. " I'v e b een tr y in g. I c an't te ll y o u th e u m pte en tim es I 'v e c alle d th o se la d ie s to se e if I c an h elp w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit o r d o s o m eth in g fr o m h o m e. B ut th ey w on't c all m e back . N one o f th em ." I d on't s a y a nyth in g to th is b ecause a in 't th at a s u rp ris e . W it h h er b oso m s h angin g o ut a nd h er h air co lo re d G old N ugget. "G o s h o ppin g th en. G o g et y o u s o m e n ew c lo th es. G o d o w hate ver w hit e w om en d o w hen th e maid 's h o m e." "N o, I th in k I 'll g o r e st a w hile ," s h e s a ys a nd tw o m in ute s la te r I h ear h er c re ep in g a ro und u p sta ir s in th e e m pty b ed ro om s.

The m im osa b ra nch k no ck s a gain st th e w in d ow a nd I ju m p, b urn m y th um b. I s q ueeze m y e yes s h ut to s lo w m y h eart. N in ety -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is m ess a nd I d on't k no w h o w I c an ta k e a m in ute more .

"M am a, fix m e s o m eth in g to e at. I 'm h ungry ." T hat's w hat m y y o ungest g ir l, K in d ra , w ho 's fiv e, s a id to m e la st n ig ht. W it h a h and o n h er h ip a nd h er fo ot s tu ck o ut.

I h ave fiv e k id s a nd I ta k e p rid e th at I ta ught th em yes m a'a m a nd ple a se b efo re th ey c o uld e ven sa y co okie .

All e xcep t o ne.

"Y ou a in 't h avin g n o th in g till s u p per," I to ld h er.

"W hy y o u s o m ean to m e? I hate y o u," s h e y elle d a nd r a n o ut th e d oor.

I s e t m y e yes o n th e c eilin g b ecause th at's a s h o ck I w ill n ever g et u se d to , e ven w it h fo ur b efo re h er.

The d ay y o ur c hild s a ys s h e h ate s y o u, a nd e very c hild w ill g o th ro ugh th e p hase , it k ic k s lik e a fo ot in th e s to m ach.

But K in d ra , L ord . I t's n o t ju st a p hase I 'm s e ein g. T hat g ir l is tu rn in g o ut ju st lik e m e.

I'm s ta nd in g in M is s C elia 's k it c hen th in k in g a b out la st n ig ht, w hat w it h K in d ra a nd h er m outh , B enny and h is a sth m a, m y h usb and L ero y c o m in g h o m e d ru nk tw o tim es la st w eek . H e k no w s th at's th e one th in g I c an't s ta nd a fte r n urs in g m y d ru nk d ad dy fo r te n y ears , m e a nd M am a w ork in g o urs e lv es to d eath s o h e h ad a fu ll b ottle . I g uess I o ught to b e m ore u p se t a b out a ll th is , b ut la st n ig ht, a s a n I'm s o rry , L ero y c am e h o m e w it h a s a ck o f e arly o kra . H e k no w s it 's m y fa vo rit e th in g to e at.

Tonig ht I 'm g o in g to fr y u p th at o kra in s o m e c o rn m eal a nd e at lik e m y m am a n ever le t m e.

That's n o t th e o nly tr e at to m y d ay e it h er. I t's O cto ber fir s t a nd h ere I a m p eelin g p eaches. M is te r Jo hnny's m am a b ro ught b ack tw o c ra te s fr o m M exic o , h eavy a s b ase b alls . T hey a re r ip e a nd s w eet and lik e c uttin g th ro ugh b utte r. I d on't ta k e c harit y fr o m w hit e la d ie s b ecause I know th ey ju st w ant me to o w e th em . B ut w hen M is s C elia to ld m e to ta k e a d oze n p eaches h o m e I p ulle d o ut a s a ck and p lo pped tw elv e r ig ht in . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'm e atin g fr ie d o kra fo r s u p per a nd p each co bble r fo r d esse rt.

I'm w atc hin g th e lo ng, fu zzy p eel fo ld d ow n in to M is s C elia 's b asin , p ayin g n o m in d a t a ll to th e driv ew ay. U su ally w hen I 'm s ta nd in g a t h er k it c hen s in k , I m ap o ut m y g eta w ay fr o m M is te r J o hnny.

The k it c hen's th e b est r o om fo r it b ecause th e fr o nt w in d ow lo oks o ut to th e s tr e et. T all a za le a bush es h id e m y fa ce, b ut I c an s e e th ro ugh e no ugh to s p ot a n a p pro acher. I f h e c am e in th e fr o nt door, th e b ack d oor w ould e sc ap e m e in to th e g ara ge. I f h e c am e in th e b ack , I c o uld s lip o ut th e fr o nt. A no th er d oor in th e k it c hen le ad s o ut to th e b ack yard , ju st in c ase . B ut w hat w it h th e ju ic e ru nnin g d ow n m y h and a nd m e n eara b out d ru nk o n th e b utte r s m ell, I a m lo st in a p each-p eelin g re verie . I d on't e ven n o tic e th e b lu e tr u ck p ull in .

The m an's m ad e it h alf w ay u p th e w alk b y th e tim e I lo ok u p . I c atc h a s liv er o f a w hit e s h ir t, th e varie ty o f w hic h I 'm u se d to ir o nin g e very d ay, a nd th e le g o f a p air o f k hak i p ants lik e I h ang u p in Mis te r J o hnny's c lo se t. I c ho ke o n a y elp . M y k nif e c la tte rs in th e s in k .

"M is s C elia !" I d ash in to h er b ed ro om . " M is te r J o hnny hom e !" Mis s C elia ju m ps o ut o f b ed fa ste r th an I 'v e s e en h er m ove b efo re . I tu rn a ro und in a n id io t c ir c le .

Where a m I g oin g? W hic h w ay d o I g o? W hat h appen ed t o m y g eta w ay p la n?

A nd th en I s n ap in to d ecis io n--th e g uest b ath ro om !

I s lip in a nd k eep th e d oor c ra ck ed . I c ro uch u p o n th e to ile t s e at s o h e c an't s e e m y fe et u nd er th e door. I t's d ark in h ere a nd h o t. I fe el lik e m y h ead 's o n fir e . S w eat d rip s o ff m y c hin a nd s p la ts o n th e flo or. I fe el s ic k b y th e th ic k s m ell o f g ard enia s o ap s b y th e s in k .

I h ear fo ots te p s. I h o ld m y b re ath .

The fo ots te p s s to p. M y h eart is th um pin g lik e a c at in a c lo th es d ry er. W hat if M is s C elia p re te nd s sh e d oesn 't k no w m e s o s h e w on't g et in tr o ub le ? A cts lik e I 'm a b urg la r? Oh, I h ate h er! I h ate th at s tu pid w om an!

I lis te n, b ut a ll I c an h ear is m y o w n p antin g. T he th ud -th ud in m y c hest. M y a nk le s h urt a nd c re ak , ho ld in g u p m y b ody lik e th is .

My e yes g ro w s h arp er in th e d ark . A fte r a m in ute , I s e e m yse lf in th e m ir ro r o ver th e s in k . C ro uched lik e a fo ol o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t.

Look a t m e. L ook w hat it 's c o m e to fo r M in ny J a ck so n to m ak e a d am n liv in g.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 5 I D RIV E M Y m am a's C ad illa c fa st o n th e g ra vel r o ad , h ead ed h o m e. P ats y C lin e c an't e ven b e h eard o n th e r a d io a nym ore , fo r a ll th e r o ck s b angin g th e s id e o f th e c ar. M oth er w ould b e fu rio us, b ut I ju st d riv e fa ste r. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out w hat H illy s a id to m e to day a t b rid ge c lu b .

H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I h ave b een b est fr ie nd s s in ce P ow er E le m enta ry . M y fa vo rit e p ho to gra p h is o f th e th re e o f u s s it tin g in th e fo otb all s ta nd s in ju nio r h ig h, a ll ja m med to geth er, s h o uld er to s h o uld er. W hat m ak es th e p ic tu re , th o ugh, is th at th e s ta nd s a re c o m ple te ly e m pty a ro und u s. W e s a t c lo se b ecause w e w ere c lo se .

A t O le M is s, H illy a nd I r o om ed to geth er fo r tw o y ears b efo re s h e le ft to g et m arrie d a nd I s ta yed o n to g ra d uate . I r o lle d th ir te en c urle rs in h er h air e very n ig ht a t th e C hi O mega h o use . B ut to day, s h e th re ate ned to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague. N ot th at I c are s o m uch a b out th e L eague, b ut I w as h urt b y h o w e asily m y fr ie nd w ould b e w illin g to c ast m e a sid e.

I tu rn u p th e la ne th at le ad s to L ongle af, m y fa m ily 's c o tto n p la nta tio n. T he g ra vel q uie ts to s m ooth , y ello w d ust a nd I s lo w d ow n b efo re M oth er s e es h o w fa st I 'm d riv in g. I p ull u p to th e h o use a nd g et o ut. M oth er is r o ck in g o n th e fr o nt p orc h.

" C om e s it , d arlin g," s h e s a ys, w avin g m e to w ard a r o ck in g c hair b esid e h er. " P asc ago ula 's ju st w axed th e flo ors . L et th em d ry a w hile ." " A lr ig ht, M am a." I k is s h er p ow dery c heek . B ut I d on't s it . I le an o n th e p orc h r a ilin g, lo ok o ut o n t h e th re e m ossy o ak tr e es in th e fr o nt y ard . E ven th o ugh it 's o nly fiv e m in ute s o uts id e o f to w n, m ost p eo ple c o nsid er th is th e c o untr y o ut h ere . S urro und in g o ur y ard lie te n th o usa nd a cre s o f D ad dy's c o tto n fie ld s, th e p la nts g re en a nd s tr o ng, ta ll a s m y w ais t. A fe w c o lo re d m en s it u nd er a d is ta nt s h ed , s ta rin g in to th e h eat. E very o ne is w ait in g fo r th e s a m e th in g, fo r th e c o tto n b olls to o pen.

I th in k a b out h o w th in gs a re d if fe re nt b etw een H illy a nd m e, s in ce I c am e h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. B ut w ho is th e d if fe re nt p ers o n, h er o r m e?

" D id I te ll y o u?" M oth er s a ys. " F anny P eatr o w g o t e ngaged ." " G ood fo r F anny." " N ot e ven a m onth a fte r s h e g o t th at te lle r jo b a t th e F arm er's B ank ." " T hat's g re at, M oth er." " I k no w ," s h e s a ys, a nd I tu rn to s e e o ne o f th o se lig htb ulb -p oppin g lo oks o f h ers . " W hy d on't y o u g o d ow n to th e b ank a nd a p ply fo r a te lle r jo b?" " I d on't w ant to b e a b ank te lle r, M am a." M oth er s ig hs, n arro w s h er e yes a t th e s p anie l, S helb y, lic k in g h is n eth er p arts . I e ye th e fr o nt d oor, t e m pte d to r u in th e c le an flo ors a nyw ay. W e'v e h ad th is c o nvers a tio n s o m any tim es.

" F our y ears m y d aughte r g o es o ff to c o lle ge a nd w hat d oes s h e c o m e h o m e w it h ?" s h e a sk s. "A d ip lo m a?" "A p re tty p ie ce o f p ap er," M oth er s a ys.

"I to ld y o u. I d id n't m eet a nyb ody I w ante d to m arry ," I s a y.

Moth er r is e s fr o m h er c hair , c o m es c lo se s o I 'll lo ok h er in h er s m ooth , p re tty fa ce. S he's w earin g a navy b lu e d re ss, n arro w a lo ng h er s lim b ones. A s u su al h er lip stic k is ju st s o , b ut w hen s h e s te p s in to th e b rig ht a fte rn o on s u n, I s e e d ark s ta in s, d eep a nd d rie d , o n th e fr o nt o f h er c lo th es. I s q uin t m y eyes, tr y in g to s e e if th e s ta in s a re r e ally th ere . " M am a? A re y o u fe elin g b ad ?" "If y o u'd ju st s h o w a lit tle g um ptio n, E ugenia --" "Y our d re ss is a ll d ir ty o n th e fr o nt." Moth er c ro sse s h er a rm s. " N ow , I ta lk ed to F anny's m oth er a nd s h e s a id F anny w as p ra ctic ally sw im min g in o pportu nit ie s o nce s h e g o t th at jo b." I d ro p th e d re ss is su e. I 'll n ever b e a b le to te ll M oth er I w ant to b e a w rit e r. S he'll o nly tu rn it in to yet a no th er th in g th at s e p ara te s m e fr o m th e m arrie d g ir ls . N or c an I te ll h er a b out C harle s G ra y, m y math s tu d y p artn er la st s p rin g, a t O le M is s. H ow h e'd g o tte n d ru nk s e nio r y ear a nd k is se d m e a nd th en s q ueeze d m y h and s o h ard it s h o uld 'v e h urt b ut it d id n't , it fe lt w ond erfu l th e w ay h e w as ho ld in g m e a nd lo okin g in to m y e yes. A nd th en h e m arrie d fiv e-fo ot J e nny S prig .

What I n eed ed to d o w as fin d a n a p artm ent in to w n, th e k in d o f b uild in g w here s in gle , p la in g ir ls liv ed , s p in ste rs , s e cre ta rie s, te achers . B ut th e o ne tim e I h ad m entio ned u sin g m oney fr o m m y tr u st fu nd , M oth er h ad c rie d --re al te ars . " T hat is n o t w hat th at m oney's fo r, E ugenia . T o liv e in s o m e ro om in g h o use w it h s tr a nge c o okin g s m ells a nd s to ck in gs h angin g o ut th e w in d ow . A nd w hen th e money r u ns o ut, w hat th en? W hat w ill y o u liv e o n?" T hen s h e'd d ra p ed a c o ld c lo th o n h er h ead a nd go ne to b ed fo r th e d ay.

And n o w s h e's g rip pin g th e r a il, w ait in g to s e e if I 'll d o w hat fa t F anny P eatr o w d id to s a ve h ers e lf .

My o w n m oth er is lo okin g a t m e a s if I c o m ple te ly b affle h er m in d w it h m y lo oks, m y h eig ht, m y h air .

To s a y I h ave fr iz zy h air is a n u nd ers ta te m ent. I t is k in k y, m ore p ub ic th an c ra nia l, a nd w hit is h b lo nd , bre ak in g o ff e asily , lik e h ay. M y s k in is fa ir a nd w hile s o m e c all th is c re am y, it c an lo ok d ow nrig ht death ly w hen I 'm s e rio us, w hic h is a ll th e tim e. A ls o , th ere 's a s lig ht b um p o f c artila ge a lo ng th e to p of m y n o se . B ut m y e yes a re c o rn flo w er b lu e, lik e M oth er's . I 'm to ld th at's m y b est fe atu re .

"It's a ll a b out p uttin g y o urs e lf in a m an-m eetin g s it u atio n w here y o u c an--" "M am a," I s a y, ju st w antin g to e nd th is c o nvers a tio n, " w ould it r e ally b e s o te rrib le if I n ever m et a husb and ?" Moth er c lu tc hes h er b are a rm s a s if m ad e c o ld b y th e th o ught. " D on't . D on't s a y th at, E ugenia . W hy, every w eek I s e e a no th er m an in to w n o ver s ix fe et a nd I th in k , If E ugen ia w ould j u st t r y . . ." S he pre sse s h er h and to h er s to m ach, th e v ery th o ught a d vancin g h er u lc ers .

I s lip o ff m y fla ts a nd w alk d ow n th e fr o nt p orc h s te p s, w hile M oth er c alls o ut fo r m e to p ut m y sh o es b ack o n, th re ate nin g r in gw orm , m osq uit o e ncep halit is . T he in evit a b ilit y o f d eath b y n o s h o es.

Death b y n o h usb and . I s h ud der w it h th e s a m e le ft- b ehin d fe elin g I 'v e h ad s in ce I g ra d uate d fr o m co lle ge, th re e m onth s a go . I 'v e b een d ro pped o ff in a p la ce I d o n o t b elo ng a nym ore . C erta in ly n o t here w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy, m ayb e n o t e ven w it h H illy a nd E liz a b eth .

". . . h ere y o u a re tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd I 'd a lr e ad y h ad C arlt o n J r. a t y o ur a ge . . ." M oth er sa ys.

I s ta nd u nd er th e p in k c re p e m yrtle tr e e, w atc hin g M oth er o n th e p orc h. T he d ay lilie s h ave lo st th eir blo om s. I t is n early S ep te m ber.

I W AS N OT a c ute b ab y. W hen I w as b orn , m y o ld er b ro th er, C arlt o n, lo oked a t m e a nd d ecla re d to th e h o sp it a l r o om , " It's n o t a b ab y, it 's a s k eete r!" a nd fr o m th ere th e n am e s tu ck . I w as lo ng a nd le ggy a nd m osq uit o -th in , a r e co rd -b re ak in g tw enty -fiv e in ches a t B ap tis t H osp it a l. T he n am e g re w even m ore a ccura te w it h m y p oin ty , b eak -lik e n o se w hen I w as a c hild . M oth er's s p ent m y e ntir e lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple to c all m e b y m y g iv en n am e, E ugenia .

Mrs . C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n d oes n o t lik e n ic k nam es.

By s ix te en I w asn 't ju st n o t p re tty , I w as p ain fu lly ta ll. T he k in d o f ta ll th at p uts a g ir l in th e b ack r o w of c la ss p ic tu re s w it h th e b oys. T he k in d o f ta ll w here y o ur m oth er s p end s h er n ig hts ta k in g d ow n hem s, y ank in g a t s w eate r s le eves, fla tte nin g y o ur h air fo r d ances y o u h ad n't b een a sk ed to , fin ally pre ssin g th e to p o f y o ur h ead a s if s h e c o uld s h rin k y o u b ack to th e y ears w hen s h e h ad to r e m in d yo u to s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. B y th e tim e I w as s e vente en, M oth er w ould r a th er I s u ffe re d fr o m ap ople ctic d ia rrh ea th an s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. S he w as fiv e-fo ot- fo ur a nd fir s t- ru nner- u p a s M is s S outh Caro lin a. S he d ecid ed th ere w as o nly o ne th in g to d o in a c ase lik e m in e.

Mrs . C harlo tte P hela n's G uid e to H usb and -H untin g, R ule N um ber O ne: a p re tty , p etit e g ir l s h o uld accentu ate w it h m ak eup a nd g o od p ostu re . A ta ll p la in o ne, w it h a tr u st fu nd .

I w as fiv e-fo ot- e le ven b ut I h ad tw enty -fiv e th o usa nd c o tto n d olla rs in m y n am e a nd if th e b eauty in th at w as n o t a p pare nt th en, b y G od, h e w asn 't s m art e no ugh to b e in th e fa m ily a nyw ay.

. . .

MY C HIL D HO OD B ED RO OM is th e to p flo or o f m y p are nts ' h o use . I t h as w hit e -fr o stin g c hair ra ils a nd p in k c heru b s in th e m old in g. I t's p ap ere d in m in t g re en r o se b ud s. I t is a ctu ally th e a ttic w it h lo ng, s lo pin g w alls , a nd I c anno t s ta nd s tr a ig ht in m any p la ces. T he b ox b ay w in d ow m ak es th e ro om lo ok r o und . A fte r M oth er b era te s m e a b out fin d in g a h usb and e very o th er d ay, I h ave to s le ep in a w ed din g c ak e. And y et, it is m y s a nctu ary . T he h eat s w ells a nd g ath ers lik e a h o t- a ir b allo on u p h ere , n o t e xactly welc o m in g o th ers . T he s ta ir s a re n arro w a nd d if fic ult fo r p are nts to c lim b. O ur p re vio us m aid , Consta ntin e, u se d to s ta re th o se fo rw ard -slo pin g s ta ir s d ow n e very d ay, lik e it w as a b attle b etw een th em . T hat w as th e o nly p art I d id n't lik e a b out h avin g th e to p flo or o f th e h o use , th at it s e p ara te d me fr o m m y C onsta ntin e.

Thre e d ays a fte r m y c o nvers a tio n w it h M oth er o n th e p orc h, I s p re ad o ut th e h elp -w ante d a d s fr o m th e Ja ck so n J o urn al o n m y d esk . A ll m orn in g, M oth er's b een fo llo w in g m e a ro und w it h a n ew h air - str a ig hte nin g th in g w hile D ad dy's b een o n th e fr o nt p orc h g ro w lin g a nd g o ddam nin g th e c o tto n fie ld s because th ey'r e m elt in g lik e s u m mer s n o w . B esid es b oll w eevils , r a in is ju st a b out th e w ors t th in g th at c an h ap pen a t h arv est tim e. I t's h ard ly S ep te m ber b ut th e fa ll d re nches h ave a lr e ad y b egun.

My r e d p en in h and , I s c an th e s q uat, s in gle c o lu m n u nd er H ELP W AN TED : F EM ALE.

Ken nin gto n's D ep t. S tr. s e ek s s a le sg ir ls w /p ois e , m anners & a s m ile !

Trim , y o ung s e cre ta ry w ante d . T yp in g n ot n ec. C all M r. S anders.

J e su s, if h e d oesn 't w ant h er to ty p e, w hat d oes h e w ant h er to d o?

Jr. S te n ogra pher w ante d , P erc y & G ra y, L P, $ 1.2 5/h r.

T his is n ew . I d ra w a c ir c le a ro und it .

No o ne c o uld a rg ue th at I h ad n't w ork ed h ard a t O le M is s. W hile m y fr ie nd s w ere o ut d rin k in g r u m and C okes a t P hi D elt a T heta p artie s a nd p in nin g o n m um c o rs a ges, I s a t in th e s tu d y p arlo r a nd wro te fo r h o urs --m ostly te rm p ap ers b ut a ls o s h o rt s to rie s, b ad p oetr y , e p is o des o f Dr. K ild are , P all Mall jin gle s, le tte rs o f c o m pla in t, r a nso m n o te s, lo ve le tte rs to b oys I 'd s e en in c la ss b ut h ad n't h ad th e n erv e to s p eak to , a ll o f w hic h I n ever m aile d . S ure , I d re am ed o f h avin g fo otb all d ate s, b ut m y re al d re am w as th at o ne d ay I w ould w rit e s o m eth in g th at p eo ple w ould a ctu ally r e ad .

Fourth te rm o f m y s e nio r y ear, I o nly a p plie d to o ne jo b, b ut it w as a g o od o ne, b ein g s ix h und re d mile s a w ay fr o m M is sis sip pi. P ilin g tw enty -tw o d im es in th e O xfo rd M art p ay p ho ne, I 'd in q uir e d ab out a n e d it o r p osit io n a t th e H arp er & R ow p ub lis h in g h o use o n 3 3rd S tr e et in M anhatta n. I 'd se en th e a d in The N ew Y o rk T im es d ow n a t th e O le M is s lib ra ry a nd m aile d th em m y r e su m e th at very d ay. O n a s p rig o f h o pe, I e ven c alle d a b out a n a p artm ent lis tin g o n E ast 8 5th S tr e et, a o ne- bed ro om w it h h o t p la te fo r fo rty -fiv e d olla rs a m onth . D elt a A ir lin es to ld m e a o ne-w ay tic k et to Id le w ild A ir p ort w ould c o st s e venty -th re e d olla rs . I d id n't h ave th e s e nse to a p ply fo r m ore th an o ne jo b a t a tim e a nd I n ever e ven h eard b ack fr o m th em .

My e yes d rif t d ow n to H ELP W AN TED : M ALE. T here a re a t le ast fo ur c o lu m ns fille d w it h b ank managers , a cco unta nts , lo an o ffic ers , c o tto n c o lla te o pera to rs . O n th is s id e o f th e p age, P erc y & Gra y, L P, is o ffe rin g J r. S te no gra p hers fif ty c ents m ore a n h o ur.

"M is s S K EETER , y o u g o t a p ho ne c all, " I h ear P asc ago ula h o lle r a t th e b otto m o f th e s ta ir s . I g o d ow nsta ir s to th e o nly p ho ne in th e h o use . P asc ago ula h o ld s th e p ho ne o ut to m e. S he is a s tin y as a c hild , n o t e ven fiv e fe et ta ll, a nd b la ck a s n ig ht. H er h air is c urly a ro und h er h ead a nd h er w hit e unif o rm d re ss h as b een ta ilo re d to fit h er s h o rt a rm s a nd le gs.

"M is s H illy o n th e p ho ne fo r y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd h and s it to m e w it h a w et h and .

I s it a t th e w hit e ir o n ta b le . T he k it c hen is la rg e a nd s q uare a nd h o t. B la ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um tile s are c ra ck ed in p la ces, w orn th in in fr o nt o f th e s in k . T he n ew s ilv er d is h w ash in g m achin e s it s in th e mid dle o f th e r o om , a tta ched to a h o se s tr e tc hed fr o m th e fa ucet.

"H e's c o m in g n ext w eek end ," H illy s a ys. " O n S atu rd ay n ig ht. Y ou fr e e?" "G ee, le t m e c heck m y c ale nd ar," I s a y. A ll tr a ces o f o ur b rid ge-c lu b a rg um ent a re g o ne fr o m H illy 's vo ic e. I 'm s u sp ic io us b ut r e lie ved .

"I c an't b elie ve th is is fin ally g o in g to h ap pen," H illy s a ys, b ecause s h e's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p fo r month s w it h h er h usb and 's c o usin . S he's in te nt o n it e ven th o ugh h e's m uch to o g o od-lo okin g fo r m e, no t to m entio n a s ta te s e nato r's s o n.

"D on't y o u th in k w e s h o uld ... m eet fir s t? " I a sk . " I m ean, b efo re w e g o o ut o n a n a ctu al d ate ?" "D on't b e n erv o us. W illia m a nd I w ill b e r ig ht n ext to y o u th e w ho le tim e." I s ig h. T he d ate 's b een c ancele d tw ic e a lr e ad y. I c an o nly h o pe it 'll b e p ut o ff a gain . A nd y et I 'm fla tte re d th at H illy h as s o m uch fa it h th at s o m eo ne lik e h im w ould b e in te re ste d in s o m eo ne lik e m e.

"O h, a nd I n eed y o u to c o m e o n b y a nd p ic k u p th ese n o te s," H illy s a ys. " I w ant m y in it ia tiv e in th e next n ew sle tte r, a fu ll p age n ext to th e p ho to o ps." I p ause . " T he b ath ro om th in g?" E ven th o ugh it w as o nly a fe w d ays a go th at s h e'd b ro ught th is u p a t brid ge c lu b , I 'd h o ped it w as fo rg o tte n.

"It's c alle d th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e-- Willia m J u nio r y o u g et d ow n o r I w ill s n atc h y o u bald hea ded Y u le M ay g et in h ere --a nd I w ant it in th is w eek ." I a m e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. B ut H illy is p re sid ent. A nd s h e's tr y in g to te ll m e w hat to p rin t.

"I'll s e e. I d on't k no w if th ere 's r o om ," I lie .

Fro m th e s in k , P asc ago ula s n eak s a lo ok a t m e, a s if s h e c an h ear w hat H illy 's s a yin g. I lo ok o ver a t Consta ntin e's b ath ro om , n o w P asc ago ula 's . I t's o ff th e k it c hen. T he d oor's h alf o pen a nd I c an s e e a tin y r o om w it h a to ile t, a p ull s tr in g flu sh er a t th e to p, a b ulb w it h a y ello w in g p la stic s h ad e. T he s m all co rn er s in k h ard ly h o ld s a g la ss o f w ate r. I 'v e n ever o nce b een in sid e. W hen w e w ere k id s, M oth er to ld u s s h e'd s p ank u s if w e w ent in C onsta ntin e's b ath ro om . I m is s C onsta ntin e m ore th an a nyth in g I'v e e ver m is se d in m y lif e .

"T hen m ak e r o om ," H illy s a ys, " b ecause th is is p re tty d arn im porta nt." CO NSTA N TIN E L IV ED A BO UT a M IL E fr o m o ur h o use , in a s m all N egro n eig hb orh o od c alle d Hots ta ck , n am ed a fte r th e ta r p la nt th at u se d to o pera te b ack th ere . T he r o ad to H ots ta ck r u ns alo ng th e n o rth s id e o f o ur fa rm , a nd fo r a s lo ng a s I c an r e m em ber, c o lo re d k id s h ave w alk ed a nd pla yed a lo ng th at m ile s tr e tc h, k ic k in g a t th e r e d d ust, m ak in g th eir w ay to w ard th e b ig C ounty R oad 49 to c atc h a r id e.

I u se d to w alk th at h o t m ile m yse lf , w hen I w as a g ir l. I f I b egged a nd p ra ctic ed m y c ate chis m , Moth er w ould s o m etim es le t m e g o h o m e w it h C onsta ntin e o n F rid ay a fte rn o ons. A fte r tw enty min ute s o f w alk in g s lo w , w e'd p ass th e c o lo re d fiv e-a nd -d im e s to re , th en a g ro cer w it h h ens la yin g in b ack , a nd a ll a lo ng th e w ay, d oze ns o f s h ack y-lo okin g r o ad sid e h o use s w it h tin r o ofs a nd s la ntin g porc hes, a lo ng w it h a y ello w o ne th at e very b ody s a id s o ld w his k ey fr o m th e b ack d oor. I t w as a th rill to b e in s u ch a d if fe re nt w orld a nd I 'd fe el a p ric k ly a w are ness o f h o w g o od m y s h o es w ere , ho w c le an m y w hit e p in afo re d re ss th at C onsta ntin e h ad ir o ned fo r m e. T he c lo se r w e g o t to Consta ntin e's h o use , th e m ore s h e'd s m ile .

"H i- d o, C arl B ir d ," C onsta ntin e'd h o lle r a t th e r o ot- se llin g m an s it tin g in h is r o ck in g c hair o n th e back o f h is p ic k up . B ags o f s a ssa fr a s a nd lic o ric e r o ot a nd b ir d eye v in e s a t o pen fo r b arg ain in g, a nd by th e tim e w e p oked a ro und th o se a m in ute , C onsta ntin e's w ho le b ody'd b e r a m blin g a nd lo ose in th e jo in ts . C onsta ntin e w asn 't ju st ta ll, s h e w as s to ut. S he w as a ls o w id e in th e h ip s a nd h er k nees gave h er tr o ub le a ll th e tim e. A t th e s tu m p o n h er c o rn er, s h e w ould s tic k a p in ch o f H ap py D ays sn uff in h er lip a nd s p it ju ic e s tr a ig ht a s a n a rro w . S he'd le t m e lo ok a t th e b la ck p ow der in it s r o und tin , b ut s a y, " D on't te ll y o ur m am a, n o w ." There w ere a lw ays d ogs, h o llo w -sto m ached a nd m angy, la id o ut in th e r o ad . F ro m a p orc h a y o ung co lo re d w om an n am ed C at- B it e w ould h o lle r, " M is s S keete r! T ell y o ur d ad dy h ey fo r m e. T ell h im I's d oin g fin e." M y o w n d ad dy g ave h er th at n am e y ears a go . D ro ve b y a nd s a w a r a b id c at atta ck in g a lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. " T hat c at n ear a b out a te h er u p ," D ad dy'd to ld m e a fte rw ard . H e'd kille d th e c at, c arrie d th e g ir l to th e d octo r, a nd s e t h er u p fo r th e tw enty -o ne d ays o f r a b ie s s h o ts .

A lit tle fa rth er o n, w e'd g et to C onsta ntin e's h o use . I t h ad th re e r o om s a nd n o r u gs a nd I 'd lo ok a t th e s in gle p ho to gra p h s h e h ad , o f a w hit e g ir l s h e to ld m e s h e lo oked a fte r fo r tw enty y ears o ver in Port G ib so n. I w as p re tty s u re I k new e very th in g a b out C onsta ntin e--sh e h ad o ne s is te r a nd g re w up o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm in C orin th , M is sis sip pi. B oth h er p are nts w ere d ead . S he d id n't e at p ork as a r u le a nd w ore a s iz e s ix te en d re ss a nd a s iz e te n la d ie s' s h o e. B ut I u se d to s ta re a t th e to oth y sm ile o f th at c hild in th e p ic tu re , a lit tle je alo us, w ond erin g w hy s h e d id n't h ave a p ic tu re o f m e u p to o.

Som etim es tw o g ir ls fr o m n ext d oor w ould c o m e o ver to p la y w it h m e, n am ed M ary N ell a nd M ary Roan. T hey w ere s o b la ck I c o uld n't te ll th em a p art a nd c alle d th em b oth ju st M ary .

"B e n ic e to th e lit tle c o lo re d g ir ls w hen y o u'r e d ow n th ere ," M oth er s a id to m e o ne tim e a nd I re m em ber lo okin g a t h er fu nny, s a yin g, " W hy w ould n't I b e?" B ut M oth er n ever e xp la in ed . Afte r a n h o ur o r s o , D ad dy w ould p ull u p , g et o ut, h and C onsta ntin e a d olla r. N ot o nce d id Consta ntin e in vit e h im in sid e. E ven b ack th en, I u nd ers to od w e w ere o n C onsta ntin e's tu rf a nd s h e did n't h ave to b e n ic e to a nyb ody a t h er o w n h o use . A fte rw ard , D ad dy w ould le t m e g o in th e co lo re d s to re fo r a c o ld d rin k a nd s u ck in g c and y.

"D on't te ll y o ur m am a I g ave C onsta ntin e a lit tle e xtr a , n o w ." "O kay, D ad dy," I 'd s a y. T hat's a b out th e o nly s e cre t m y d ad dy a nd I h ave e ver s h are d .

TH E F IR ST T IM E I w as e ver c alle d u gly , I w as th ir te en. I t w as a r ic h fr ie nd o f m y b ro th er Carlt o n's , o ver to s h o ot g uns in th e fie ld .

"W hy y o u c ry in g, g ir l? " C onsta ntin e a sk ed m e in th e k it c hen.

I to ld h er w hat th e b oy h ad c alle d m e, te ars s tr e am in g d ow n m y fa ce.

"W ell? I s y o u?" I b lin k ed , p ause d m y c ry in g. " Is I w hat? " "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , E ugenia "- -b ecause C onsta ntin e w as th e o nly o ne w ho 'd o ccasio nally fo llo w Mam a's r u le . " U gly liv e u p o n th e in sid e. U gly b e a h urtfu l, m ean p ers o n. I s y o u o ne a th em peo ple s? " "I d on't k no w . I d on't th in k s o ," I s o bbed .

Consta ntin e s a t d ow n n ext to m e, a t th e k it c hen ta b le . I h eard th e c ra ck in g o f h er s w olle n jo in ts . S he pre sse d h er th um b h ard in th e p alm o f m y h and , s o m eth in g w e b oth k new m eant Lis te n . L is te n t o me.

"E ver m orn in g, u ntil y o u d ead in th e g ro und , y o u g o ne h ave to m ak e th is d ecis io n." C onsta ntin e w as so c lo se , I c o uld s e e th e b la ck ness o f h er g um s. " Y ou g o ne h ave to a sk y o urs e lf , Am I g one b elie v e what t h em f o ols s a y a bout m e t o day?

" She k ep t h er th um b p re sse d h ard in m y h and . I n o dded th at I u nd ers to od. I w as ju st s m art e no ugh to r e aliz e s h e m eant w hit e p eo ple . A nd e ven th o ugh I s till fe lt m is e ra b le , a nd k new th at I w as, m ost lik ely , u gly , it w as th e fir s t tim e s h e e ver ta lk ed to m e lik e I w as s o m eth in g b esid es m y m oth er's w hit e child . A ll m y lif e I 'd b een to ld w hat to b elie ve a b out p olit ic s, c o lo re d s, b ein g a g ir l. B ut w it h Consta ntin e's th um b p re sse d in m y h and , I r e aliz e d I a ctu ally h ad a c ho ic e in w hat I c o uld b elie ve.

CO NSTA N TIN E C AM E T O W ORK in o ur h o use a t s ix in th e m orn in g, a nd a t h arv est tim e, s h e cam e a t fiv e. T hat w ay s h e c o uld fix D ad dy h is b is c uit s a nd g ra vy b efo re h e h ead ed to th e fie ld . I woke u p n early e very d ay to h er s ta nd in g in th e k it c hen, P re acher G re en p la yin g o n th e r a d io th at sa t o n th e k it c hen ta b le . T he m in ute s h e s a w m e, s h e s m ile d . " G ood m orn in g, b eautif u l g ir l! " I 'd s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le a nd te ll h er w hat I 'd d re am ed . S he c la im ed d re am s to ld th e fu tu re .

"I w as in th e a ttic , lo okin g d ow n a t th e fa rm ," I 'd te ll h er. " I c o uld s e e th e to ps o f th e tr e es." "Y ou g o ne b e a b ra in s u rg eo n! T op a th e h o use m ean th e h ead ." Moth er a te h er b re ak fa st e arly in th e d in in g r o om , th en m oved to th e r e la xin g r o om to d o need le p oin t o r w rit e le tte rs to m is sio narie s in A fr ic a. F ro m h er g re en w in g c hair , s h e c o uld s e e every o ne g o in g a lm ost a nyw here in th e h o use . I t w as s h o ck in g w hat s h e c o uld p ro cess a b out m y ap peara nce in th e s p lit s e co nd it to ok fo r m e to p ass b y th at d oor. I u se d to d ash b y, fe elin g lik e a dartb oard , a b ig r e d b ull's -e ye th at M oth er p in ged d arts a t.

"E ugenia , y o u k no w th ere is n o c hew in g g um in th is h o use ." "E ugenia , g o p ut a lc o ho l o n th at b le m is h ." "E ugenia , m arc h u p sta ir s a nd b ru sh y o ur h air d ow n, w hat if w e h ave a n u nexp ecte d v is it o r? " I le arn ed th at s o ck s a re s te alt h ie r tr a nsp orta tio n th an s h o es. I le arn ed to u se th e b ack d oor. I le arn ed to w ear h ats , c o ver m y fa ce w it h m y h and s w hen I p asse d b y. B ut m ostly , I le arn ed to ju st s ta y in th e k it c hen.

A S U M MER M ONTH C O ULD S TR EC H o n fo r y ears , o ut o n L ongle af. I d id n't h ave fr ie nd s co m in g o ver e very d ay--w e liv ed to o fa r o ut to h ave a ny w hit e n eig hb ors . I n to w n, H illy a nd Eliz a b eth s p ent a ll w eek end g o in g to a nd fr o m e ach o th er's h o use s, w hile I w as o nly a llo w ed to sp end th e n ig ht o ut o r h ave c o m pany e very o th er w eek end . I g ru m ble d o ver th is p le nty . I to ok Consta ntin e fo r g ra nte d a t tim es, b ut I th in k I k new , fo r th e m ost p art, h o w lu ck y I w as to h ave h er th ere .

When I w as fo urte en, I s ta rte d s m okin g c ig are tte s. I 'd s n eak th em fr o m C arlt o n's p ack s o f Marlb oro s h e k ep t in h is d re sse r d ra w er. H e w as a lm ost e ig hte en a nd n o o ne m in d ed th at h e'd b een sm okin g fo r y ears a nyw here h e w ante d to in th e h o use o r o ut in th e fie ld s w it h D ad dy. S om etim es Dad dy s m oked a p ip e, b ut h e w asn 't a c ig are tte m an a nd M oth er d id n't s m oke a nyth in g a t a ll, e ven th o ugh m ost o f h er fr ie nd s d id . M oth er to ld m e I w asn 't a llo w ed to s m oke u ntil I w as s e vente en.

So I 'd s lip in to th e b ack yard a nd s it in th e tir e s w in g, w it h th e h uge o ld o ak tr e e c o ncealin g m e. O r, la te a t n ig ht, I 'd h ang o ut o f m y b ed ro om w in d ow a nd s m oke. M oth er h ad e agle -e yes, b ut s h e h ad alm ost z e ro s e nse o f s m ell. C onsta ntin e k new im med ia te ly , th o ugh. S he n arro w ed h er e yes, w it h a lit tle s m ile , b ut s a id n o th in g. I f M oth er h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h w hile I w as b ehin d th e tr e e, Consta ntin e w ould r u sh o ut a nd b ang h er b ro om h and le o n th e ir o n s ta ir r a il.

"C onsta ntin e, w hat a re y o u d oin g?" M oth er w ould a sk h er, b ut b y th en I w ould 'v e s tu b bed it o ut a nd dro pped th e b utt in th e h o le in th e tr e e.

"J u st c le anin g th is h ere o ld b ro om , M is s C harlo tte ." "W ell, fin d a w ay to d o it a lit tle q uie te r, p le ase . O h, E ugenia , w hat, d id y o u g ro w a no th er in ch overn ig ht? W hat a m I g o in g to d o? G o... p ut o n a d re ss th at fit s ." "Y es m a'a m ," C onsta ntin e a nd I w ould s a y a t th e s a m e tim e a nd th en p ass e ach o th er a lit tle s m ile .

Oh, it w as d elic io us to h ave s o m eo ne to k eep s e cre ts w it h . I f I 'd h ad a s is te r o r a b ro th er c lo se r in age, I g uesse d th at's w hat it w ould b e lik e. B ut it w asn 't ju st s m okin g o r s k ir tin g a ro und M oth er. I t was h avin g s o m eo ne lo ok a t y o u a fte r y o ur m oth er h as n early fr e tte d h ers e lf to d eath b ecause y o u are fr e ak is h ly ta ll a nd fr iz zy a nd o dd. S om eo ne w ho se e yes s im ply s a id , w it h o ut w ord s, Yo u a re f in e wit h m e.

Still, it w asn 't a ll s w eet ta lk w it h h er. W hen I w as fif te en, a n ew g ir l h ad p oin te d a t m e a nd a sk ed , "W ho 's th e s to rk ?" E ven H illy h ad tu ck ed b ack a s m ile b efo re s te erin g m e a w ay, lik e w e h ad n't heard h er.

"H ow ta ll a re y o u, C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed , u nab le to h id e m y te ars .

Consta ntin e n arro w ed h er e yes a t m e. " H ow ta ll is y o u?" "F iv e-e le ven," I c rie d . " I'm a lr e ad y ta lle r th an th e b oys' b ask etb all c o ach." "W ell, I 'm fiv e-th ir te en, s o q uit fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Consta ntin e's th e o nly w om an I 'v e e ver h ad to lo ok u p to , to lo ok h er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye.

What y o u n o tic ed fir s t a b out C onsta ntin e, b esid es h er ta lln ess, w ere h er e yes. T hey w ere lig ht bro w n, s tr ik in gly h o ney-c o lo re d a gain st h er d ark s k in . I 'v e n ever s e en lig ht b ro w n e yes o n a c o lo re d pers o n. I n fa ct, th e s h ad es o f b ro w n o n C onsta ntin e w ere e nd le ss. H er e lb ow s w ere a b so lu te ly bla ck , w it h a d ry w hit e d ust o n th em in th e w in te r. T he s k in o n h er a rm s a nd n eck a nd fa ce w as a dark e b ony. T he p alm s o f h er h and s w ere o ra ngey-ta n a nd th at m ad e m e w ond er if th e s o le s o f h er fe et w ere to o, b ut I n ever s a w h er b are fo ote d .

"J u st y o u a nd m e th is w eek end ," s h e s a id w it h a s m ile .

It w as th e w eek end th at M oth er a nd D ad dy w ere d riv in g C arlt o n to lo ok a t L SU a nd T ula ne. M y bro th er w as g o in g to c o lle ge n ext y ear. T hat m orn in g, D ad dy h ad m oved th e c o t in to th e k it c hen, next to h er b ath ro om . T hat's w here C onsta ntin e a lw ays s le p t w hen s h e s p ent th e n ig ht.

"G o lo ok w hat I g o t," s h e s a id , p oin tin g to th e b ro om c lo se t. I w ent a nd o pened it a nd s a w , tu ck ed in h er b ag, a fiv e-h und re d -p ie ce p uzzle w it h a p ic tu re o f M ount R ush m ore o n it . I t w as o ur fa vo rit e th in g to d o w hen s h e s ta yed o ver. That n ig ht, w e s a t fo r h o urs , m unchin g o n p eanuts , s if tin g th ro ugh th e p ie ces s p re ad o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le . A s to rm r a ged o uts id e, m ak in g th e r o om c o zy w hile w e p ic k ed o ut th e e d ges. T he bulb in th e k it c hen d im med th en b rig hte ned a gain .

"W hic h o ne h e?" C onsta ntin e a sk ed , s tu d yin g th e p uzzle b ox th ro ugh h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s.

"T hat's J e ffe rs o n." "O h it s u re is . W hat a b out h im ?" "T hat's --" I le aned o ver. " I th in k th at's . . . R oose velt ." "O nly o ne I r e co gniz e is L in co ln . H e lo ok lik e m y d ad dy." I s to pped , p uzzle p ie ce in h and . I w as fo urte en a nd h ad n ever m ad e le ss th an a n A . I w as s m art, b ut I w as a s n aiv e a s th ey c o m e. C onsta ntin e p ut th e b ox to p d ow n a nd lo oked o ver th e p ie ces a gain .

"B ecause y o ur d ad dy w as s o . . . ta ll? " I a sk ed .

She c huck le d . " C ause m y d ad dy w as w hit e . I g o t th e ta ll fr o m m y m am a." I p ut th e p ie ce d ow n. " Y our . . . fa th er w as w hit e a nd y o ur m oth er w as . . . c o lo re d ?" "Y up ," s h e s a id a nd s m ile d , s n ap pin g tw o p ie ces to geth er. " W ell, lo ok a th ere . G ot m e a m atc h." I h ad s o m any q uestio ns-- Who w as h e?

Where w as h e? I k new h e w asn 't m arrie d to C onsta ntin e's moth er, b ecause th at w as a gain st th e la w . I p ic k ed a c ig are tte fr o m m y s ta sh I 'd b ro ught to th e ta b le .

I w as fo urte en b ut, fe elin g v ery g ro w n u p , I lit it . A s I d id , th e o verh ead lig ht d im med to a d ull, d ir ty bro w n, b uzzin g s o ftly .

"O h, m y d ad dy lo oooved m e. A lw ays s a id I w as h is fa vo rit e ." S he le aned b ack in h er c hair . " H e use d to c o m e o ver to th e h o use e ver S atu rd ay a fte rn o on, a nd o ne tim e, h e g iv e m e a s e t a te n h air rib bons, te n d if fe re nt c o lo rs . B ro ught e m o ver fr o m P aris , m ad e o ut a J a p anese s ilk . I s a t in h is la p fr o m th e m in ute h e g o t th ere u ntil h e h ad to le ave a nd M am a'd p la y B essie S m it h o n th e V ic tr o la h e bru ng h er a nd h e a nd m e'd s in g:

It's m ig hty s tr a nge, w it h out a d oubt Nobody k now s y o u w hen y o u'r e d ow n a nd o ut I lis te ned w id e-e yed , s tu p id . G lo w in g b y h er v o ic e in th e d im lig ht. I f c ho co la te w as a s o und , it would 'v e b een C onsta ntin e's v o ic e s in gin g. I f s in gin g w as a c o lo r, it w ould 'v e b een th e c o lo r o f th at cho co la te .

"O ne tim e I w as b oo-h o oin g o ver h ard fe elin gs, I r e ck on I h ad a lis t a th in gs to b e u p se t a b out, bein g p oor, c o ld b ath s, r o tte n to oth , I d on't k no w . B ut h e h eld m e b y th e h ead , h ugged m e to h im fo r th e lo ngest tim e. W hen I lo oked u p , h e w as c ry in g to o a nd h e . . . d id th at th in g I d o to y o u s o yo u k no w I m ean it . P re ss h is th um b u p in m y h and a nd h e s a y . . . h e s o rry ." We s a t th ere , s ta rin g a t th e p uzzle p ie ces. M oth er w ould n't w ant m e to k no w th is , th at C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e , th at h e'd a p olo giz e d to h er fo r th e w ay th in gs w ere . I t w as s o m eth in g I w asn 't su p pose d to k no w . I fe lt lik e C onsta ntin e h ad g iv en m e a g if t.

I fin is h ed m y c ig are tte , s tu b bed it o ut in th e s ilv er g uest a sh tr a y. T he lig ht b rig hte ned a gain .

Consta ntin e s m ile d a t m e a nd I s m ile d b ack .

"H ow c o m e y o u n ever to ld m e th is b efo re ?" I s a id , lo okin g in to h er lig ht b ro w n e yes.

"I c an't te ll y o u e ver s in gle th in g, S keete r." "B ut w hy?" S he k new e very th in g a b out m e, e very th in g a b out m y fa m ily . W hy w ould I e ver k eep se cre ts fr o m h er?

She s ta re d a t m e a nd I s a w a d eep , b le ak s a d ness th ere , in sid e o f h er. A fte r a w hile , s h e s a id , "S om e th in gs I ju st g o t to k eep fo r m yse lf ." WHEN I T W as M Y T urn to g o o ff to c o lle ge, M oth er c rie d h er e yes o ut w hen D ad dy a nd I p ulle d aw ay in th e tr u ck . B ut I fe lt fr e e. I w as o ff th e fa rm , o ut fr o m u nd er th e c rit ic is m . I w ante d to a sk Moth er, Are n 't y o u g la d? A re n 't y o u r e lie v ed t h at y o u d on't h ave t o w orry -w art o ver m e e v ery day a nym ore ?

B ut M oth er lo oked m is e ra b le .

I w as th e h ap pie st p ers o n in m y fr e sh m an d orm . I w ro te C onsta ntin e a le tte r o nce a w eek , te llin g h er ab out m y r o om , th e c la sse s, th e s o ro rit y . I h ad to m ail h er le tte rs to th e fa rm s in ce th e p ost d id n't deliv er to H ots ta ck a nd I h ad to tr u st th at M oth er w ould n't o pen th em . T w ic e a m onth , C onsta ntin e wro te m e b ack o n p arc hm ent p ap er th at fo ld ed in to a n e nvelo pe. H er h and w rit in g w as la rg e a nd lo vely , a lt h o ugh it r a n a t a c ro oked a ngle d ow n th e p age. S he w ro te m e e very m und ane d eta il o f Longle af:

My b ack p ain s a re b ad b ut it 's m y f e et t h at a re w orse , o r The m ix er b ro ke o ff f ro m th e b ow l a nd f le w w ild a ro und t h e k it c h en a nd t h e c a t h olle re d a nd r a n o ff. I h aven 't s e en h er sin ce.

S he'd te ll m e th at D ad dy h ad a c hest c o ld o r th at R osa P ark s w as c o m in g to h er c hurc h to sp eak . O fte n s h e d em and ed to k no w if I w as h ap py a nd th e d eta ils o f th is . O ur le tte rs w ere lik e a yearlo ng c o nvers a tio n, a nsw erin g q uestio ns b ack a nd fo rth , c o ntin uin g fa ce-to -fa ce a t C hris tm as o r betw een s u m mer s c ho ol s e ssio ns.

Moth er's le tte rs s a id , Say y o ur p ra yers a nd Don't w ea r h eels b eca use t h ey m ake y o u t o o t a ll clip ped to a c heck fo r th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs .

In A pril o f m y s e nio r y ear, a le tte r c am e fr o m C onsta ntin e th at s a id , I h ave a s u rp ris e f o r y o u, Skeete r. I a m s o e x cit e d I a lm ost c a n't s ta nd m yse lf . A nd d on't y o u g o a sk in g m e a bout it neit h er. Y o u w ill s e e f o r y o urse lf w hen y o u c o m e h om e.

That w as c lo se to fin al e xam s, w it h g ra d uatio n o nly a m onth a w ay. A nd th at w as th e la st le tte r I e ver go t fr o m C onsta ntin e.

I S K IP PED M Y G RA DUATIO N C ER EM ONY a t O le M is s. A ll m y c lo se fr ie nd s h ad d ro pped o ut to g et m arrie d a nd I d id n't s e e th e p oin t in m ak in g M am a a nd D ad dy d riv e th re e h o urs ju st to w atc h me w alk a cro ss a s ta ge, w hen w hat M oth er r e ally w ante d w as to w atc h m e w alk d ow n th e a is le . I still h ad n't h eard fr o m H arp er & R ow , s o in ste ad o f b uyin g a p la ne tic k et to N ew Y ork , I r o de h o m e to J a ck so n in s o pho m ore K ay T urn er's B uic k , s q ueeze d in th e fr o nt w it h m y ty p ew rit e r a t m y fe et and h er w ed din g d re ss b etw een u s. K ay T urn er w as m arry in g P erc y S ta nho pe n ext m onth . F or th re e h o urs I lis te ned to h er w orry a b out c ak e fla vo rs .

When I g o t h o m e, M oth er s te p ped b ack to g et a b ette r lo ok a t m e. " W ell, y o ur s k in lo oks b eautif u l, " sh e s a id , " b ut y o ur h air . . ." S he s ig hed , s h o ok h er h ead .

"W here 's C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed . " In th e k it c hen?" And lik e s h e w as d eliv erin g th e w eath er, M oth er s a id , " C onsta ntin e is n o lo nger e m plo yed h ere .

Now le t's g et a ll th ese tr u nk s u np ack ed b efo re y o u r u in y o ur c lo th es." I tu rn ed a nd b lin k ed a t h er. I d id n't th in k I 'd h eard h er c o rre ctly . " W hat d id y o u s a y?" Moth er s to od s tr a ig hte r, s m ooth in g d ow n h er d re ss. " C onsta ntin e's g o ne, S keete r. S he w ent to liv e wit h h er p eo ple u p in C hic ago ." "B ut . . . w hat? S he d id n't s a y a nyth in g in h er le tte rs a b out C hic ago ." I k new th at w asn 't h er s u rp ris e .

She w ould 'v e to ld m e s u ch te rrib le n ew s im med ia te ly .

Moth er to ok a d eep b re ath , s tr a ig hte ned h er b ack . " I to ld C onsta ntin e s h e w asn 't to w rit e to y o u ab out le avin g. N ot in th e m id dle o f y o ur fin al e xam s. W hat if y o u'd flu nk ed a nd h ad to s ta y o n ano th er y ear? G od k no w s, fo ur y ears o f c o lle ge is m ore th an e no ugh." "A nd s h e . . . a gre ed to th at? N ot to w rit e m e a nd te ll m e s h e w as le avin g?" Moth er lo oked o ff, s ig hed . " W e'll d is c uss it la te r, E ugenia . C om e o n to th e k it c hen, le t m e in tr o duce yo u to th e n ew m aid , P asc ago ula ." But I d id n't fo llo w M oth er to th e k it c hen. I s ta re d d ow n a t m y c o lle ge tr u nk s, te rrif ie d b y th e th o ught of u np ack in g h ere . T he h o use fe lt v ast, e m pty . O uts id e, a c o m bin e w hir re d in a c o tto n fie ld .

By S ep te m ber, n o t o nly h ad I g iv en u p h o pe o f e ver h earin g b ack fr o m H arp er & R ow , I g ave u p o n ever fin d in g C onsta ntin e. N o o ne s e em ed to k no w a th in g o r h o w I c o uld r e ach h er. I fin ally s to pped ask in g p eo ple w hy C onsta ntin e h ad le ft. I t w as lik e s h e'd s im ply d is a p peare d . I h ad to a ccep t th at Consta ntin e, m y o ne tr u e a lly , h ad le ft m e to fe nd fo r m yse lf w it h th ese p eo ple .

ch ap te r 6 O N A H O T S EPTEM BER M ORN IN G, I w ak e u p in m y c hild ho od b ed , s lip o n th e h uara che s h o es m y b ro th er, C arlt o n, b ro ught m e b ack fr o m M exic o . A m an's p air s in ce, e vid ently , M exic an g ir ls ' fe et d on't g ro w to s iz e n in e-a nd -a -h alf . M oth er h ate s th em a nd s a ys th ey'r e tr a sh y-lo okin g.

O ver m y n ig htg o w n, I p ut o n o ne o f D ad dy's o ld b utto n-d ow n s h ir ts a nd s lip o ut th e fr o nt d oor.

M oth er is o n th e b ack p orc h w it h P asc ago ula a nd J a m eso w hile th ey s h uck o yste rs .

" Y ou c anno t le ave a N egro a nd a N ig ra to geth er u nchap ero ned ," M oth er'd w his p ere d to m e, a lo ng t im e a go . " It's n o t th eir fa ult , th ey ju st c an't h elp it ." I h ead d ow n th e s te p s to s e e if m y m ail- o rd er c o py o f Catc h er in t h e R ye is in th e b ox. I a lw ays o rd er th e b anned b ooks fr o m a b la ck m ark et d eale r in C alif o rn ia , fig urin g if th e S ta te o f M is sis sip pi b anned th em , th ey m ust b e g o od. B y th e tim e I r e ach th e e nd o f th e d riv e, m y h uara ches a nd a nk le s a re c o vere d w it h fin e y ello w d ust.

O n e it h er s id e o f m e, th e c o tto n fie ld s a re a g la rin g g re en, fa t w it h b olls . D ad dy lo st th e b ack fie ld s t o th e r a in la st m onth , b ut th e m ajo rit y b lo om ed u nharm ed . T he le aves a re ju st s ta rtin g to s p ot b ro w n w it h d efo lia nt a nd I c an s till s m ell th e s o ur c hem ic al in th e a ir . T here a re n o c ars o n th e C ounty R oad . I o pen th e m ailb ox.

A nd th ere , u nd ern eath M oth er's Ladie s' H om e J o urn al , is a le tte r a d dre sse d to M is s E ugenia P hela n. T he r e d r a is e d fo nt in th e c o rn er s a ys H arp er & R ow , P ub lis h ers . I te ar it o pen r ig ht th ere in t h e la ne, in n o th in g b ut m y lo ng n ig htg o w n a nd D ad dy's o ld B ro oks B ro th ers s h ir t.

S ep te m ber 4 , 1 962 D ea r M is s P hela n, I a m r e sp ondin g p erso nally t o y o ur r e su m e b eca use I f o und it a dm ir a ble t h at a y o ung la dy w it h a bso lu te ly n o w ork e x perie n ce w ould a pply f o r a n e d it in g j o b a t a p ublis h er a s p re stig io us a s o urs. A m in im um o f f iv e y ea rs in t h e b usin ess is m andato ry f o r s u ch a j o b.

Y o u'd k now t h is if y o u'd d one a ny a m ount o f r e se a rc h o n t h e b usin ess.

H avin g o nce b een a n a m bit io us y o ung la dy m yse lf , h ow ev er, I 'v e d ecid ed t o o ffe r y o u s o m e a dvic e: g o t o y o ur lo ca l n ew sp aper a nd g et a n e n tr y -le v el j o b. Y o u in clu ded in y o ur le tte r t h at y o u " im men se ly e n jo y w rit in g." W hen y o u'r e n ot m akin g m im eo gra phs o r f ix in g y o ur b oss's c o ffe e, lo ok a ro und, in vestig ate , a nd w rit e . D on't w aste y o ur t im e o n t h e o bvio us t h in gs. W rit e a bout w hat d is tu rb s y o u, p artic u la rly if it b oth ers n o o ne e ls e .

Y o urs s in cere ly , E la in e S te in , S en io r E dit o r, A dult B ook D iv is io n Belo w th e p ic a ty p e is a h and w rit te n n o te , in a c ho ppy b lu e s c ra w l:

P.S . I f y o u a re t r u ly s e rio us, I 'd b e w illin g t o lo ok o ver y o ur b est id ea s a nd g iv e m y o pin io n. I offe r t h is f o r n o b ette r r e a so n, M is s P hela n, t h an s o m eo ne o nce d id it f o r m e.

A tr u ck fu ll o f c o tto n r u m ble s b y o n th e C ounty R oad . T he N egro in th e p asse nger s id e le ans o ut and s ta re s. I 'v e fo rg o tte n I a m a w hit e g ir l in a th in n ig htg o w n. I h ave ju st r e ceiv ed c o rre sp ond ence, mayb e e ven e nco ura gem ent, fr o m N ew Y ork C it y a nd I s a y th e n am e a lo ud : " E la in e S te in ." I 'v e never m et a J e w is h p ers o n.

I r a ce b ack u p th e la ne, tr y in g to k eep th e le tte r fr o m fla p pin g in m y h and . I d on't w ant it w rin k le d . I dash u p th e s ta ir s w it h M oth er h o lle rin g to ta k e o ff th o se ta ck y M exic an m an s h o es, a nd I g et to work w rit in g d ow n e very g o ddam n th in g th at b oth ers m e in lif e , p artic ula rly th o se th at d o n o t s e em to fa ze a nyo ne e ls e . E la in e S te in 's w ord s a re r u nnin g h o t s ilv er th ro ugh m y v ein s a nd I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an. T urn s o ut, it is a s p ecta cula rly lo ng lis t.

By th e n ext d ay, I a m r e ad y to m ail m y fir s t le tte r to E la in e S te in , lis tin g th e id eas I th o ught w orth y jo urn alis m m ate ria l: th e p re vale nce o f illit e ra cy in M is sis sip pi; th e h ig h n um ber o f d ru nk -d riv in g accid ents in o ur c o unty ; th e lim it e d jo b o pportu nit ie s fo r w om en.

It's n o t u ntil a fte r I m ail th e le tte r th at I r e aliz e I p ro bab ly c ho se th o se id eas s h e w ould th in k im pre ssiv e, r a th er th an o nes I w as r e ally in te re ste d in .

I T A K E a D EEP B REATH a nd p ull o pen th e h eavy g la ss d oor. A fe m in in e lit tle b ell tin k le s h ello . A no t- so -fe m in in e r e cep tio nis t w atc hes m e. S he is e no rm ous a nd lo oks u nco m fo rta b le in th e s m all wooden c hair . " W elc o m e to th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

C an I h elp y o u?" I h ad m ad e m y a p poin tm ent d ay b efo re y este rd ay, h ard ly a n h o ur a fte r I 'd r e ceiv ed E la in e S te in 's le tte r. I a sk ed fo r a n in te rv ie w fo r a ny p osit io n th ey m ig ht h ave. I w as s u rp ris e d th ey s a id th ey'd s e e me s o s o on.

"I'm h ere to s e e M is te r G old en, p le ase ." The r e cep tio nis t w ad dle s to th e b ack in h er te nte d d re ss. I tr y a nd c alm m y s h ak in g h and s. I p eek th ro ugh th e o pen d oor to a s m all, w ood-p anele d r o om in th e b ack . I n sid e, fo ur m en in s u it s b ang aw ay o n ty p ew rit e rs a nd s c ra tc h w it h p encils . T hey a re b ent o ver, h aggard , th re e w it h ju st a ho rs e sh o e o f h air le ft. T he r o om is g auzy w it h c ig are tte s m oke.

The r e cep tio nis t r e ap pears , th um bs m e to fo llo w h er, c ig are tte d anglin g in h er h and . " C om e o n back ." D esp it e m y n erv es, a ll I c an th in k o f is th e o ld c o lle ge r u le , A C hi O m eg a n ev er w alk s w it h a c ig are tte .

I fo llo w h er th ro ugh th e d esk s o f s ta rin g m en, th e h aze o f s m oke, to a n in te rio r o ffic e.

"C lo se th at th in g b ack ," M is te r G old en h o lle rs a s s o on a s I 'v e o pened th e d oor a nd s te p ped in .

"D on't le t a ll th at d am n s m oke in h ere ." Mis te r G old en s ta nd s u p b ehin d h is d esk . H e's a b out s ix in ches s h o rte r th an m e, tr im , y o unger th an my p are nts . H e h as lo ng te eth a nd a s n eer, th e g re ase d b la ck h air o f a m ean m an.

"D id n't y o u h ear? " h e s a id . " T hey a nno unced la st w eek c ig are tte s'll k ill y o u." "I h ad n't h eard th at." I c an o nly h o pe it h ad n't b een o n th e fr o nt p age o f h is n ew sp ap er.

"H ell, I k no w n ig gers a h und re d y ears o ld lo ok y o unger th an th o se id jit s o ut th ere ." H e s it s b ack dow n, b ut I k eep s ta nd in g b ecause th ere a re n o o th er c hair s in th e r o om .

"A lr ig ht, le t's s e e w hat y o u g o t." I h and h im m y r e su m e a nd s a m ple a rtic le s I 'd w rit te n in s c ho ol. I gre w u p w it h th e Jo urn al s it tin g o n o ur k it c hen ta b le , o pen to th e fa rm r e p ort o r th e lo cal s p orts page. I r a re ly h ad tim e to r e ad it m yse lf .

Mis te r G old en d oesn 't ju st lo ok a t m y p ap ers , h e e d it s th em w it h a r e d p encil. " M urra h H ig h e d it o r th re e y ears , Reb el R ouse r e d it o r tw o y ears , C hi O mega e d it o r th re e y ears , d oub le m ajo r E nglis h and jo urn alis m , g ra d uate d n um ber fo ur...

Dam n , g ir l, " h e m utte rs , " d id n't y o u h ave any fu n?" I c le ar m y th ro at. " Is . . . th at im porta nt? " He lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'r e p eculia rly ta ll b ut I 'd th in k a p re tty g ir l lik e y o u'd b e d atin g th e w ho le go ddam n b ask etb all te am ." I s ta re a t h im , n o t s u re if h e's m ak in g fu n o f m e o r p ayin g m e a c o m plim ent.

"I a ssu m e y o u k no w h o w to c le an . . ." H e lo oks b ack to m y a rtic le s, s tr ik es th em w it h v io le nt r e d mark s.

My fa ce flu sh es h o t a nd q uic k . " C le an? I 'm n o t h ere to c le an. I 'm h ere to writ e ." Cig are tte s m oke is b le ed in g u nd er th e d oor. I t's lik e th e e ntir e p la ce is o n fir e . I fe el s o s tu p id th at I th o ught I c o uld ju st w alk in a nd g et a jo b a s a jo urn alis t.

He s ig hs h eavily , h and s m e a th ic k fo ld er o f p ap ers . " I g uess y o u'll d o. M is s M yrn a's g o ne s h it - h o use cra zy o n u s, d ru nk h air s p ra y o r s o m eth in g. R ead th e a rtic le s, w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e s h e d oes, no body'll k no w th e d am n d if fe re nce." "I . . . w hat? " A nd I ta k e th e fo ld er b ecause I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to d o. I h ave n o id ea w ho th is Mis s M yrn a is . I a sk th e o nly s a fe q uestio n I c an th in k o f. " H ow m uch . . . d id y o u s a y it p ays? " He g iv es m e a s u rp ris in gly a p pre cia tiv e lo ok, fr o m m y fla t s h o es to m y fla t h air s ty le . S om e d orm ant in stin ct te lls m e to s m ile , r u n m y h and th ro ugh m y h air . I fe el r id ic ulo us, b ut I d o it .

"E ig ht d olla rs , e very M ond ay." I n o d, tr y in g to fig ure o ut h o w to a sk h im w hat th e jo b is w it h o ut g iv in g m yse lf a w ay.

He le ans fo rw ard . " Y ou d o k no w w ho M is s M yrn a is , d on't y o u?" "O f c o urs e . W e . . . g ir ls r e ad h er a ll th e tim e," I s a y, a nd a gain w e s ta re a t e ach o th er lo ng e no ugh fo r a d is ta nt te le p ho ne to r in g th re e tim es.

"W hat th en? E ig ht's n o t e no ugh? J e su s, w om an, g o c le an y o ur h usb and 's to ile t fo r fr e e." I b it e m y lip . B ut b efo re I c an u tte r a nyth in g, h e r o lls h is e yes.

"A lr ig ht, te n .

C opy's d ue o n T hurs d ays. A nd if I d on't lik e y o ur s ty le , I 'm n o t p rin tin g it o r p ayin g yo u s q uat." I ta k e th e fo ld er, th ank h im m ore th an I p ro bab ly s h o uld . H e ig no re s m e a nd p ic k s u p h is p ho ne a nd mak es a c all b efo re I 'm e ven o ut th e d oor. W hen I g et to m y c ar, I s in k d ow n in to th e s o ft C ad illa c le ath er. I s it th ere s m ilin g, r e ad in g th e p ages in th e fo ld er.

I ju st g o t a jo b.

I C O M E H O M E S TA N DIN G u p s tr a ig hte r th an I h ave s in ce I w as tw elv e, b efo re m y g ro w th s p urt.

I a m b uzzin g w it h p rid e. E ven th o ugh e very c ell in m y b ra in s a ys d o n o t, s o m eho w I c anno t r e sis t te llin g M oth er. I r u sh in to th e r e la xin g r o om a nd te ll h er e very th in g a b out h o w I 'v e g o tte n a jo b writ in g M is s M yrn a, th e w eek ly c le anin g a d vic e c o lu m n.

"O h th e ir o ny o f it ." S he le ts o ut a s ig h th at m eans lif e is h ard ly w orth liv in g u nd er s u ch c o nd it io ns.

Pasc ago ula fr e sh ens h er ic ed te a.

"A t le ast it 's a s ta rt," I s a y.

"A s ta rt a t w hat? G iv in g a d vic e o n h o w to k eep u p a h o m e w hen . . ." S he s ig hs a gain , lo ng a nd s lo w lik e a d efla tin g tir e .

I lo ok a w ay, w ond erin g if e very o ne in to w n w ill b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. A lr e ad y th e jo y is fle etin g.

"E ugenia , y o u d on't e ven k no w h o w to p olis h s ilv er, m uch le ss a d vis e o n h o w to k eep a h o use cle an." I h ug th e fo ld er to m y c hest. S he's r ig ht, I w on't k no w h o w to a nsw er a ny o f th e q uestio ns. S till, I th o ught s h e'd a t le ast b e p ro ud o f m e.

"A nd y o u w ill n ever m eet a nyb ody s it tin g a t th at ty p ew rit e r. E ugenia , h ave s o m e s e nse ." Anger w ork s it s w ay u p m y a rm s. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht a gain . " Y ou th in k I want to liv e h ere ? W it h yo u ?" I la ugh in a w ay I 'm h o pin g w ill h urt h er.

I s e e th e q uic k p ain in h er e yes. S he p re sse s h er lip s to geth er a t th e s tin g. S till, I h ave n o d esir e to ta k e b ack m y w ord s b ecause fin ally , fin ally , I h ave s a id s o m eth in g s h e's lis te nin g to .

I s ta nd th ere , r e fu sin g to le ave. I w ant to h ear w hat s h e'll s a y to th is . I w ant to h ear h er s a y s h e's so rry .

"I n eed to . . . a sk y o u s o m eth in g, E ugenia ." S he tw is ts h er h and kerc hie f, g rim aces. " I r e ad th e o th er day a b out h o w s o m e . . . s o m e g ir ls g et u nb ala nced , s ta rt th in k in g th ese --w ell, th ese u n natu ra l th o ughts ." I h ave n o id ea w hat s h e's ta lk in g a b out. I lo ok u p a t th e c eilin g fa n. S om eo ne's s e t it g o in g to o fa st.

Cla ck ety -c la ck ety -c la ck ety . . .

"A re y o u . . . d o y o u . . . fin d m en a ttr a ctiv e? A re y o u h avin g u nnatu ra l th o ughts a b out . . ." S he sh uts h er e yes tig ht. " G ir ls o r- -o r w om en?" I s ta re a t h er, w is h in g th e c eilin g fa n w ould fly fr o m it s p ost, c ra sh d ow n o n u s b oth .

"B ecause it s a id in th is a rtic le th ere 's a c ure , a s p ecia l r o ot te a--" "M oth er," I s a y, s h uttin g m y e yes tig ht. " I w ant to b e w it h g ir ls a s m uch a s y o u'd lik e to b e w it h . . .

Ja m eso ." I h ead fo r th e d oor. B ut I g la nce b ehin d m e. " I m ean, u nle ss, o f c o urs e , y o u d o?" Moth er s tr a ig hte ns, g asp s. I p ound u p th e s ta ir s .

TH E N EX T D AY, I s ta ck th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs in a n eat p ile . I h ave th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs in m y p urs e , th e m onth ly a llo w ance M oth er s till g iv es m e. I g o d ow nsta ir s w earin g a th ic k C hris tia n s m ile . L iv in g at h o m e, w henever I w ant to le ave L ongle af, I h ave to a sk M oth er if I c an b orro w h er c ar. W hic h means s h e'll a sk w here I 'm g o in g. W hic h m eans I h ave to lie to h er o n a d aily b asis , w hic h is in it s e lf enjo yab le b ut a lit tle d egra d in g a t th e s a m e tim e.

"I'm g o in g d ow n to th e c hurc h, s e e if th ey n eed a ny h elp g ettin g r e ad y fo r S und ay s c ho ol. " "O h, d arlin g, th at's ju st w ond erfu l. T ak e y o ur tim e w it h th e c ar." I d ecid ed , la st n ig ht, w hat I n eed is a p ro fe ssio nal to h elp m e w it h th e c o lu m n. M y fir s t id ea w as to ask P asc ago ula , b ut I h ard ly k no w h er. P lu s I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M oth er n o sin g a ro und , crit ic iz in g m e a ll o ver a gain . H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay, is s o s h y I d oub t s h e'd w ant to h elp m e. T he only o th er m aid I s e e o fte n e no ugh is E liz a b eth 's m aid , A ib ile en. A ib ile en r e m in d s m e o f C onsta ntin e in a w ay. P lu s s h e's o ld er a nd s e em s to h ave p le nty o f e xp erie nce. On m y w ay to E liz a b eth 's , I g o b y th e B en F ra nk lin s to re a nd b uy a c lip board , a b ox o f n um ber tw o pencils , a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook. M y fir s t c o lu m n is d ue to m orro w , o n M is te r G old en's d esk b y tw o o'c lo ck .

"S keete r, c o m e o n in ." E liz a b eth o pens h er o w n fr o nt d oor a nd I fe ar A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e w ork in g to day. S he h as o n a b lu e b ath ro be a nd ju m bo-siz e d r o lle rs , m ak in g h er h ead lo ok h uge, h er b ody even m ore w aif - lik e th an it is . E liz a b eth g enera lly h as r o lle rs in a ll d ay, c an n ever g et h er th in h air fu ll eno ugh.

"S orry I 'm s u ch a m ess. M ae M oble y k ep t m e u p h alf th e n ig ht a nd n o w I d on't e ven k no w w here Aib ile en's g o tte n o ff to ." I s te p in sid e th e tin y fo yer. I t's a lo w -c eilin ged h o use w it h s m all r o om s. E very th in g h as a s e co nd hand lo ok--th e fa d ed b lu e flo ra l c urta in s, th e c ro oked c o ver o n th e c o uch. I h ear R ale ig h's n ew acco untin g b usin ess is n 't d oin g w ell. M ayb e u p in N ew Y ork o r s o m ew here it 's a g o od th in g, b ut in Ja ck so n, M is sis sip pi, p eo ple ju st d on't c are to d o b usin ess w it h a r u d e, c o nd esc end in g a ssh o le .

Hilly 's c ar is o ut fr o nt, b ut s h e's n o w here to b e s e en. E liz a b eth s it s a t th e s e w in g m achin e s h e h as o n th e d in in g r o om ta b le . " I'm a lm ost d one," s h e s a ys. " L et m e ju st h em th is la st s e am . . ." E liz a b eth sta nd s, h o ld s u p a g re en c hurc h d re ss w it h a r o und w hit e c o lla r. " N ow b e h o nest," s h e w his p ers w it h eyes th at a re p le ad in g fo r m e to b e a nyth in g b ut. " D oes it lo ok h o m em ad e?" The h em o n o ne s id e h angs lo nger th an th e o th er. I t's w rin k le d a nd a c uff is a lr e ad y fr a yin g. " O ne hund re d p erc ent s to re -b ought. S tr a ig ht fr o m M ais o n B la nche's ," I s a y b ecause th at is E liz a b eth 's dre am s to re . I t is fiv e s to rie s o f e xp ensiv e c lo th es o n C anal S tr e et in N ew O rle ans, c lo th es th at co uld n ever b e fo und in J a ck so n. E liz a b eth g iv es m e a g ra te fu l s m ile .

"M ae M oble y's s le ep in g?" I a sk .

"F in ally ." E liz a b eth fid dle s w it h a c lu m p o f h air th at's s lip ped o ut o f h er r o lle r, g rim aces a t it s obstin acy. S om etim es h er v o ic e ta k es o n a h ard e d ge w hen s h e ta lk s a b out h er lit tle g ir l.

The d oor to th e g uest b ath ro om in th e h all o pens a nd H illy c o m es o ut ta lk in g, " . . . s o m uch b ette r.

Every b ody h as th eir o w n p la ce to g o n o w ." Eliz a b eth fid dle s w it h th e m achin e n eed le , s e em s w orrie d b y it .

"Y ou te ll R ale ig h I s a id Yo u a re w elc o m e ," H illy a d ds, a nd it h it s m e, th en, w hat's b ein g s a id .

Aib ile en h as h er o w n b ath ro om in th e g ara ge n o w .

Hilly s m ile s a t m e a nd I r e aliz e s h e's a b out to b rin g u p th e in it ia tiv e. " H ow 's y o ur m am a?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I k no w th is is h er le ast fa vo rit e s u b je ct. " S he g et s e ttle d in th e h o m e a lr ig ht? " "I g uess." H illy p ulls h er r e d s w eate r d ow n o ver th e p ud gy r o ll in h er w ais t. S he h as o n r e d -a nd - gre en p la id p ants th at s e em to m agnif y h er b otto m , m ak in g it r o und er a nd m ore fo rc efu l th an e ver.

"O f c o urs e s h e d oesn 't a p pre cia te a th in g I d o. I h ad to fir e th at m aid fo r h er, c aught h er tr y in g to ste al th e d am n s ilv er r ig ht u nd er m y n o se ." H illy n arro w s h er e yes a b it . " Y 'a ll h aven't h eard , b y th e way, if th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g s o m ew here , h ave y o u?" We s h ak e o ur h ead s n o .

"I d oub t s h e'll fin d w ork in th is to w n a gain ," E liz a b eth s a ys.

Hilly n o ds, m ullin g th is o ver. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , a nxio us to te ll th em m y n ew s.

"I ju st g o t a jo b a t th e Ja ck so n J o urn al ," I s a y.

There is q uie t in th e r o om . S ud denly E liz a b eth s q ueals . H illy s m ile s a t m e w it h s u ch p rid e, I b lu sh and s h ru g, lik e it 's n o t th at b ig o f a d eal.

"T hey'd b e a fo ol n o t to h ir e y o u, S keete r P hela n," H illy s a ys a nd r a is e s h er ic ed te a a s a to ast.

"S o . . . u m , h ave e it h er o f y 'a ll a ctu ally r e ad M is s M yrn a?" I a sk .

"W ell n o ," H illy s a ys. " B ut I b et th e p oor w hit e tr a sh g ir ls in S outh J a ck so n r e ad it lik e th e K in g Ja m es." Eliz a b eth n o ds. " A ll th o se p oor g ir ls w it h o ut h elp , I b et th ey d o." "W ould y o u m in d if I ta lk ed to A ib ile en?" I a sk E liz a b eth . " T o h elp m e a nsw er s o m e o f th e le tte rs ? " Eliz a b eth is v ery s till a s e co nd . " A ib ile en?

My A ib ile en?" " I s u re d on't k no w th e a nsw ers to th ese q uestio ns." "W ell . . . I m ean, a s lo ng a s it d oesn 't in te rfe re w it h h er w ork ." I p ause , s u rp ris e d b y th is a ttit u d e. B ut I r e m in d m yse lf th at E liz a b eth is p ayin g h er, a fte r a ll.

"A nd n o t to day w it h M ae M oble y a b out to g et u p o r e ls e I 'll h ave to lo ok a fte r h er m yse lf ." "O kay. M ayb e . . . m ayb e I 'll c o m e b y to m orro w m orn in g th en?" I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and . I f I fin is h ta lk in g to A ib ile en b y m id m orn in g, I 'll h ave tim e to r u sh h o m e to ty p e it u p , th en g et it b ack to to w n b y tw o.

Eliz a b eth fr o w ns d ow n a t h er s p ool o f g re en th re ad . " A nd o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s. T om orro w 's silv er- p olis h in g d ay." "It w on't b e lo ng, I p ro m is e ," I s a y.

Eliz a b eth is s ta rtin g to s o und ju st lik e m y m oth er.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G A T T EN , E liz a b eth o pens h er d oor, n o ds a t m e lik e a s c ho olt e acher. "A lr ig ht. G o o n in . A nd n o t to o lo ng n o w . M ae M oble y'll b e w ak in g u p a ny tim e." I w alk in to th e k it c hen, m y n o te b ook a nd p ap ers u nd er m y a rm . A ib ile en s m ile s a t m e fr o m th e s in k , her g o ld to oth s h in in g. S he's a lit tle p lu m p in th e m id dle , b ut it is a fr ie nd ly s o ftn ess. A nd s h e's m uch sh o rte r th an m e, b ecause w ho is n 't ? H er s k in is d ark b ro w n a nd s h in y a gain st h er s ta rc hy w hit e unif o rm . H er e yeb ro w s a re g ra y e ven th o ugh h er h air is b la ck .

"H ey, M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s till a t th e m achin e?" "Y es." I t's s tr a nge, e ven a fte r a ll th ese m onth s h o m e, to h ear E liz a b eth b ein g c alle d M is s L eefo lt - -n o t Mis s E liz a b eth o r e ven h er m aid en n am e, M is s F re d eric k s.

"M ay I ? " I p oin t to th e r e fr ig era to r. B ut b efo re I c an h elp m yse lf , A ib ile en's o pened it fo r m e.

"W hat y o u w ant? A C o-C ola ?" I n o d a nd s h e p ops th e c ap o ff w it h th e o pener m ounte d o n th e c o unte r, p ours it in to a g la ss.

"A ib ile en"- -I ta k e a d eep b re ath --"I w as w ond erin g if I c o uld g et y o ur h elp o n s o m eth in g." I te ll h er ab out th e c o lu m n th en, g ra te fu l w hen s h e n o ds th at s h e k no w s w ho M is s M yrn a is .

"S o m ayb e I c o uld r e ad y o u s o m e o f th e le tte rs a nd y o u c o uld ... h elp m e w it h th e a nsw ers . A fte r a while , m ayb e I 'll c atc h o n a nd . . ." I s to p. T here is n o w ay I 'll e ver b e a b le to a nsw er c le anin g questio ns m yse lf . H onestly , I h ave n o in te ntio n o f le arn in g h o w to c le an. " It s o und s u nfa ir , d oesn 't it , me ta k in g y o ur a nsw ers a nd a ctin g lik e th ey'r e m in e. O r M yrn a's , I m ean." I s ig h.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I d on't m in d th at. I ju st a in 't s o s u re M is s L eefo lt g o ne a p pro ve." "S he s a id it w as a lr ig ht." "D urin g m y r e gula r h o urs w ork in g?" I n o d, r e m em berin g th e p ro prie ty in E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"A lr ig ht th en." A ib ile en s h ru gs. S he lo oks u p a t th e c lo ck a b ove th e s in k . " I p ro bab ly h ave to s to p when M ae M oble y g ets u p ." "S ho uld w e s it ? " I p oin t to th e k it c hen ta b le .

Aib ile en g la nces a t th e s w in gin g d oor. " Y ou g o h ead , I 'm fin e s ta nd in g." I s p ent la st n ig ht r e ad in g e very M is s M yrn a a rtic le fr o m th e p re vio us fiv e y ears , b ut I h aven't h ad tim e to s o rt th ro ugh th e u nansw ere d le tte rs y et. I s tr a ig hte n m y c lip board , p encil in h and . " H ere 's a le tte r fr o m R ank in C ounty .

" ' Dea r M is s M yrn a, ' " I r e ad , " 'h ow d o I r e m ove t h e r in gs f ro m m y f a t s lo ven ly h usb and's sh ir t c o lla r w hen h e is s u ch a p ig a nd . . . a nd s w ea ts lik e o ne t o o . . .' " Wond erfu l. A c o lu m n o n c le anin g a nd r e la tio nsh ip s.

Tw o th in gs I k no w a b so lu te ly n o th in g a b out.

"W hic h o ne s h e w ant a g et r id o f? " A ib ile en a sk s. " T he r in gs o r th e h usb and ?" I s ta re a t th e p age. I w ould n't k no w h o w to in str u ct h er to d o e it h er o ne.

"T ell h er a v in egar a nd P in e-S ol s o ak . T hen le t it s e t in th e s u n a lit tle w hile ." I w rit e it q uic k ly o n m y p ad . " S it in th e s u n fo r h o w lo ng?" "B out a n h o ur. L et it d ry ." I p ull o ut th e n ext le tte r a nd , ju st a s q uic k ly , s h e a nsw ers it . A fte r fo ur o r fiv e, I e xhale , r e lie ved .

"T hank y o u, A ib ile en. Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch th is h elp s." "A in 't n o tr o ub le . L ong a s M is s L eefo lt d on't n eed m e." I g ath er u p m y p ap ers a nd ta k e a la st s ip o f m y C oke, le ttin g m yse lf r e la x fo r fiv e s e co nd s b efo re I have to g o w rit e th e a rtic le . A ib ile en p ic k s th ro ugh a s a ck o f g re en fid dle head s. T he r o om is q uie t excep t fo r th e r a d io p la yin g s o ftly , P re acher G re en a gain .

"H ow d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e? W ere y o u r e la te d ?" "W e . . . in th e s a m e c hurc h c ir c le ." A ib ile en s h if ts h er fe et in fr o nt o f th e s in k .

I fe el w hat h as b eco m e a fa m ilia r s tin g. " S he d id n't e ven le ave a n a d dre ss. I ju st- -I c an't b elie ve s h e quit lik e th at." Aib ile en k eep s h er e yes d ow n. S he s e em s to b e s tu d yin g th e fid dle head s v ery c are fu lly . " N o, I 'm rig ht s u re s h e w as le t g o ." "N o, M am a s a id s h e q uit . B ack in A pril. W ent to liv e u p in C hic ago w it h h er p eo ple ." Aib ile en p ic k s u p a no th er fid dle head , s ta rts w ash in g it s lo ng s te m , th e c urly g re en e nd s. " N o m a'a m ," sh e s a ys a fte r a p ause .

It ta k es m e a fe w s e co nd s to r e aliz e w hat w e'r e ta lk in g a b out h ere .

"A ib ile en," I s a y, tr y in g to c atc h h er e ye. " Y ou r e ally th in k C onsta ntin e w as fir e d ?" But A ib ile en's fa ce h as g o ne b la nk a s th e b lu e s k y. " I m ust b e m is re m em orin g," s h e s a ys a nd I c an te ll s h e th in k s s h e's s a id to o m uch to a w hit e w om an.

We h ear M ae M oble y c allin g o ut a nd A ib ile en e xcuse s h ers e lf a nd h ead s th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor.

A fe w s e co nd s p ass b efo re I h ave th e s e nse to g o h o m e.

WHEN I W alk in T H E H O USE te n m in ute s la te r, M oth er is r e ad in g a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

"M oth er," I s a y, c lu tc hin g m y n o te b ook to m y c hest, " d id y o u fir e C onsta ntin e?" "D id I . . .

what ?" M oth er a sk s. B ut I k no w s h e's h eard m e b ecause s h e's s e t th e D AR n ew sle tte r dow n. I t ta k es a h ard q uestio n to p ull h er e yes o ff th at r iv etin g m ate ria l.

"E ugenia , I to ld y o u, h er s is te r w as s ic k s o s h e w ent u p to C hic ago to liv e w it h h er p eo ple ," s h e sa ys. " W hy? W ho to ld y o u d if fe re nt? " I w ould n ever in a m illio n y ears te ll h er it w as A ib ile en. " I h eard it th is a fte rn o on. I n to w n." "W ho w ould ta lk a b out s u ch a th in g?" M oth er n arro w s h er e yes b ehin d h er r e ad in g g la sse s. " It must'v e b een o ne o f th e o th er N ig ra s." "W hat d id y o u do to h er, M oth er? " Moth er lic k s h er lip s, g iv es m e a g o od, lo ng lo ok o ver h er b if o cals . " Y ou w ould n't u nd ers ta nd , Eugenia . N ot u ntil y o u'v e h ir e d h elp o f y o ur o w n." "Y ou . . .

fir e d h er? F or w hat? " "It d oesn 't m atte r. I t's b ehin d m e n o w a nd I ju st w on't th in k a b out it a no th er m in ute ." "M oth er, s h e r a is e d m e. Y ou te ll m e r ig ht n o w w hat h ap pened !" I 'm d is g uste d b y th e s q ueak in ess o f my v o ic e, th e c hild is h s o und o f m y d em and s.

Moth er r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s a t m y to ne, ta k es h er g la sse s o ff. " It w as n o th in g b ut a c o lo re d th in g.

And th at's a ll I 'm s a yin g." S he p uts h er g la sse s b ack o n a nd lif ts h er D AR s h eet to h er e yes.

I'm s h ak in g, I 'm s o m ad . I p ound m y w ay u p th e s ta ir s . I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r, s tu nned th at m y moth er c o uld c ast o ff s o m eo ne w ho 'd d one h er th e b ig gest fa vo r o f h er lif e , r a is e h er c hild re n, te ach me k in d ness a nd s e lf - re sp ect. I s ta re a cro ss m y r o om a t th e r o se w allp ap er, th e e yele t c urta in s, th e yello w in g p ho to gra p hs s o fa m ilia r th ey a re n early c o nte m ptib le . C onsta ntin e w ork ed fo r o ur fa m ily fo r tw enty -n in e y ears .

FO R T H E N EX T W EEK , D ad dy r is e s b efo re d aw n. I w ak e to tr u ck m oto rs , th e c hug o f th e co m bin es s ta rtin g, th e h o lle rs to h urry . T he fie ld s a re b ro w n a nd c ris p w it h d ead c o tto n s ta lk s, defo lia te d s o th e m achin es c an g et to th e b olls . C otto n h arv est is h ere .

Dad dy d oesn 't e ven s to p fo r c hurc h d urin g h arv est tim e, b ut o n S und ay n ig ht, I c atc h h im in th e dusk y h all, b etw een h is s u p per a nd s le ep . " D ad dy?" I a sk . " W ill y o u te ll m e w hat h ap pened to Consta ntin e?" He is s o d og-tir e d , h e s ig hs b efo re h e a nsw ers .

"H ow c o uld M oth er fir e h er, D ad dy?" "W hat? D arlin ', C onsta ntin e q uit . Y ou k no w y o ur m oth er w ould n ever fir e h er." H e lo oks dis a p poin te d in m e fo r a sk in g s u ch a th in g.

"D o y o u k no w w here s h e w ent? O r h ave h er a d dre ss? " He s h ak es h is h ead n o . " A sk y o ur m am a, s h e'll k no w ." H e p ats m y s h o uld er. " P eo ple m ove o n, Skeete r. B ut I w is h s h e'd s ta yed d ow n h ere w it h u s." He w and ers d ow n th e h all to b ed . H e is to o h o nest a m an to h id e th in gs s o I k no w h e d oesn 't h ave any m ore fa cts a b out it th an I d o.

That w eek a nd e very w eek , s o m etim es tw ic e, I s to p b y E liz a b eth 's to ta lk to A ib ile en. E ach tim e, Eliz a b eth lo oks a lit tle w arie r. T he lo nger I s ta y in th e k it c hen, th e m ore c ho re s E liz a b eth c o m es u p wit h u ntil I le ave: th e d oork no bs n eed p olis h in g, th e to p o f th e r e fr ig era to r n eed s d ustin g, M ae Moble y's fin gern ails c o uld u se a tr im . A ib ile en is n o m ore th an c o rd ia l w it h m e, n erv o us, s ta nd s a t th e k it c hen s in k a nd n ever s to ps w ork in g. I t's n o t lo ng b efo re I a m a head o f c o py a nd M is te r Gold en s e em s p le ase d w it h th e c o lu m n, th e fir s t tw o o f w hic h o nly to ok m e a b out tw enty m in ute s to writ e .

And e very w eek , I a sk A ib ile en a b out C onsta ntin e. C an't s h e g et h er a d dre ss fo r m e? C an't s h e te ll me a nyth in g a b out w hy s h e g o t fir e d ? W as th ere a b ig to -d o, b ecause I ju st c an't im agin e Consta ntin e s a yin g yes m a'a m a nd w alk in g o ut th e b ack d oor. M am a'd g et c ro ss w it h h er a b out a ta rn is h ed s p oon a nd C onsta ntin e w ould s e rv e h er to ast b urn ed u p fo r a w eek . I c an o nly im agin e ho w a fir in g w ould 'v e g o ne.

It h ard ly m atte rs , th o ugh, b ecause a ll A ib ile en w ill d o is s h ru g a t m e, s a y s h e d on't k no w n o th in g.

One a fte rn o on, a fte r a sk in g A ib ile en h o w to g et o ut to ugh tu b r in gs ( n ever h avin g s c ru b bed a bath tu b in m y lif e ), I c o m e h o m e. I w alk p ast th e r e la xin g r o om . T he te le vis io n s e t is o n a nd I g la nce at it . P asc ago ula 's s ta nd in g a b out fiv e in ches a w ay fr o m th e s c re en. I h ear th e w ord s Ole M is s a nd on th e fu zzy s c re en I s e e w hit e m en in d ark s u it s c ro w din g th e c am era , s w eat r u nnin g o ff th eir b ald head s. I c o m e c lo se r a nd s e e a N egro m an, a b out m y a ge, s ta nd in g in th e m id dle o f th e w hit e m en, wit h A rm y m en b ehin d h im . T he p ic tu re p ans b ack a nd th ere is m y o ld a d m in is tr a tio n b uild in g.

Govern o r R oss B arn ett s ta nd s w it h h is a rm s c ro sse d , lo okin g th e ta ll N egro in th e e ye. N ext to th e go vern o r is o ur S enato r W hit w orth , w ho se s o n H illy 's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p w it h o n a b lin d d ate .

I w atc h th e te le vis io n, r iv ete d . Y et I a m n eit h er th rille d n o r d is a p poin te d b y th e n ew s th at th ey m ig ht le t a c o lo re d m an in to O le M is s, ju st s u rp ris e d . P asc ago ula , th o ugh, is b re ath in g s o lo ud I c an h ear her. S he s ta nd s s to ck -still, n o t a w are I a m b ehin d h er. R oger S tic k er, o ur lo cal r e p orte r, is n erv o us, sm ilin g, ta lk in g fa st. " P re sid ent K enned y h as o rd ere d th e g o vern o r to s te p a sid e fo r J a m es M ere d it h , I r e p eat, th e P re sid ent o f th e U nit e d --" "E ugenia , P asc ago ula ! T urn th at s e t o ff r ig ht th is m in ute !" Pasc ago ula je rk s a ro und to s e e m e a nd M oth er. S he r u sh es o ut o f th e r o om , h er e yes to th e flo or.

"N ow , I w on't h ave it , E ugenia ," M oth er w his p ers . " I w on't h ave y o u e nco ura gin g th em lik e th at." "E nco ura gin g? I t's n atio nw id e n ew s, M am a." Moth er s n if fs . " It is n o t a p pro pria te fo r th e tw o o f y o u to w atc h to geth er," a nd s h e flip s th e c hannel, sto ps o n a n a fte rn o on r e ru n o f L aw re nce W elk .

"L ook, is n 't th is s o m uch n ic er? " On a H O T S ATU RD AY in la te S ep te m ber, th e c o tto n fie ld s c ho pped a nd e m pty , D ad dy c arrie s a new R C A c o lo r te le vis io n s e t in to th e h o use . H e m oves th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e o ne to th e k it c hen.

Sm ilin g a nd p ro ud , h e p lu gs th e n ew T V in to th e w all o f th e r e la xin g r o om . T he O le M is s v ers u s LSU fo otb all g am e b la re s th ro ugh th e h o use fo r th e r e st o f th e a fte rn o on.

Mam a, o f c o urs e , is g lu ed to th e c o lo r p ic tu re , o ohin g a nd a ahin g a t th e v ib ra nt r e d s a nd b lu es o f th e te am . S he a nd D ad dy liv e b y R eb el fo otb all. S he's d re sse d u p in r e d w ool p ants d esp it e th e sw elt e rin g h eat a nd h as D ad dy's o ld K ap pa A lp ha b la nk et d ra p ed o n th e c hair . N o o ne m entio ns Ja m es M ere d it h , th e c o lo re d s tu d ent th ey le t in .

I ta k e th e C ad illa c a nd h ead in to to w n. M oth er fin d s it in exp lic ab le th at I d on't w ant to w atc h m y alm a m ate r th ro w a b all a ro und . B ut E liz a b eth a nd h er fa m ily a re a t H illy 's w atc hin g th e g am e s o Aib ile en's w ork in g in th e h o use a lo ne. I 'm h o pin g it 'll b e a lit tle e asie r o n A ib ile en if E liz a b eth 's n o t th ere . T ru th is , I 'm h o pin g s h e'll te ll m e s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, a b out C onsta ntin e.

Aib ile en le ts m e in a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e k it c hen. S he s e em s o nly th e s m alle st b it m ore re la xed in E liz a b eth 's e m pty h o use . S he e yes th e k it c hen ta b le , lik e s h e w ants to s it to day. B ut w hen I a sk h er, s h e a nsw ers , " N o, I 'm fin e. Y ou g o h ead ." S he ta k es a to m ato fr o m a p an in th e s in k a nd sta rts to p eel it w it h a k nif e .

So I le an a gain st th e c o unte r a nd p re se nt th e la te st c o nund ru m : h o w to k eep th e d ogs fr o m g ettin g in to y o ur tr a sh cans o uts id e. B ecause y o ur la zy h usb and fo rg ets to p ut it o ut o n th e r ig ht p ic k -u p d ay.

Sin ce h e d rin k s a ll th at d am n b eer.

"J u st p our s o m e p neum onia in th at g arb age. D ogs w on't s o m uch a s w in k a t th em c ans." I jo t it dow n, a m end in g it to a m monia , a nd p ic k o ut th e n ext le tte r. W hen I lo ok u p , A ib ile en's k in d o f sm ilin g a t m e.

"I d on't m ean n o th in g d is re sp ectfu l, M is s S keete r, b ut . . . a in 't it k in d a s tr a nge y o u b ein g th e n ew Mis s M yrn a w hen y o u d on't k no w n o th in g a b out h o use k eep in g?" She d id n't s a y it th e w ay M oth er d id , a m onth a go . I fin d m yse lf la ughin g in ste ad , a nd I te ll h er w hat I'v e to ld n o o ne e ls e , a b out th e p ho ne c alls a nd th e r e su m e I 'd s e nt to H arp er & R ow . T hat I w ant to b e a w rit e r. T he a d vic e I r e ceiv ed fr o m E la in e S te in . I t's n ic e to te ll s o m eb ody.

Aib ile en n o ds, tu rn s h er k nif e a ro und a no th er s o ft r e d to m ato . " M y b oy T re elo re , h e lik e to w rit e ." "I d id n't k no w y o u h ad a s o n." "H e d ead . T w o y ears n o w ." "O h, I 'm s o s o rry ," I s a y a nd fo r a m om ent it 's ju st P re acher G re en in th e r o om , th e s o ft p at o f to m ato s k in s a gain st th e s in k .

"M ad e s tr a ig ht A s o n e ver E nglis h te st h e ta k e. T hen la te r, w hen h e g ro w n, h e p ic k h im se lf u p a ty p ew rit e r a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n a id ea . . ." T he p in -tu ck ed s h o uld ers o f h er u nif o rm s lu m p d ow n.

"S ay h e g o ne w rit e h im se lf a b ook." "W hat k in d o f id ea?" I a sk . " I m ean, if y o u d on't m in d te llin g . . ." Aib ile en s a ys n o th in g fo r a w hile . K eep s p eelin g to m ato es a ro und a nd a ro und . " H e r e ad th is b ook call In vis ib le M an.

W hen h e d one, h e s a y h e g o ne w rit e d ow n w hat it w as lik e to b e c o lo re d work in g fo r a w hit e m an in M is sis sip pi. " I lo ok a w ay, k no w in g th is is w here m y m oth er w ould s to p th e c o nvers a tio n. T his is w here s h e'd sm ile a nd c hange th e s u b je ct to th e p ric e o f s ilv er p olis h o r w hit e r ic e.

"I r e ad In vis ib le M an , to o, a fte r h e d id ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I lik ed it a lr ig ht." I n o d, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever r e ad it . I h ad n't th o ught o f A ib ile en a s a r e ad er b efo re .

"H e w ro te a lm ost fif ty p ages," s h e s a ys. " I le t h is g ir l F ra nces k eep h o ld o f e m ." Aib ile en s to ps p eelin g. I s e e h er th ro at m ove w hen s h e s w allo w s. " P le ase d on't te ll n o body th at," s h e sa ys, s o fte r n o w , " h im w antin g to w rit e a b out h is w hit e b oss." S he b it e s h er lip a nd it s tr ik es m e th en th at s h e's s till a fr a id fo r h im . E ven th o ugh h e's d ead , th e in stin ct to b e a fr a id fo r h er s o n is s till th ere .

"It's fin e th at y o u to ld m e, A ib ile en. I th in k it w as . . . a b ra ve id ea." Aib ile en h o ld s m y g aze fo r a m om ent. T hen s h e p ic k s u p a no th er to m ato a nd s e ts th e k nif e a gain st th e s k in . I w atc h, w ait fo r th e r e d ju ic e to s p ill. B ut A ib ile en s to ps b efo re s h e c uts , g la nces a t th e kit c hen d oor.

"I d on't th in k it 's fa ir , y o u n o t k no w in g w hat h ap pen to C onsta ntin e. I ju st- -I'm s o rry , I d on't fe el rig ht ta lk in g to y o u a b out it ." I s ta y q uie t, n o t s u re w hat's s p urre d th is , n o t w antin g to r u in it .

"I'll te ll y o u th o ugh, it w as s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er d aughte r. C om in g to s e e y o ur m am a." "D aughte r? C onsta ntin e n ever to ld m e s h e h ad a d aughte r." I k new C onsta ntin e fo r tw enty -th re e years . W hy w ould s h e k eep th is fr o m m e?

"It w as h ard fo r h er. T he b ab y c o m e o ut r e al . . . p ale ." I h o ld s till, r e m em berin g w hat C onsta ntin e to ld m e, y ears a go . " Y ou m ean, lig ht? L ik e . . . w hit e ?" Aib ile en n o ds, k eep in g a t h er ta sk in th e s in k . " H ad to s e nd h er a w ay, u p n o rth I th in k ." "C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e ," I s a y. " O h . . . A ib ile en . . . y o u d on't th in k . . ." A n u gly th o ught is ru nnin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I a m to o s h o ck ed to fin is h m y s e nte nce.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " N o n o , n o m a'a m . N ot... th at. C onsta ntin e's m an, C onno r, h e w as co lo re d . B ut s in ce C onsta ntin e h ad h er d ad dy's b lo od in h er, h er b ab y c o m e o ut a h ig h y ello w . I t . . .

hap pens." I fe el a sh am ed fo r h avin g th o ught th e w ors t. S till, I d on't u nd ers ta nd . " W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e e ver te ll m e?" I a sk , n o t r e ally e xp ectin g a n a nsw er. " W hy w ould s h e s e nd h er a w ay?" Aib ile en n o ds to h ers e lf , lik e s h e u nd ers ta nd s. B ut I d on't . " T hat w as th e w ors t o ff I e ver s e en h er.

Consta ntin e m ust a s a id a th o usa nd tim es, s h e c o uld n't w ait fo r th e d ay w hen s h e g o t h er b ack ." "Y ou s a id th e d aughte r, s h e h ad s o m eth in g to d o w it h C onsta ntin e g ettin g fir e d ? W hat h ap pened ?" At th is , A ib ile en's fa ce g o es b la nk . T he c urta in h as d ra w n. S he n o ds to w ard th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs , mak in g it c le ar th at's a ll s h e's w illin g to s a y. A t le ast r ig ht n o w .

TH AT A FTER N OON, I s to p b y H illy 's fo otb all p arty . T he s tr e et is lin ed w it h s ta tio n w ago ns a nd lo ng B uic k s. I fo rc e m yse lf th ro ugh th e d oor, k no w in g I 'll b e th e o nly s in gle o ne th ere . I n sid e, th e liv in g r o om is fu ll o f c o up le s o n th e s o fa s, th e c hais e s, th e a rm s o f c hair s . W iv es s it s tr a ig ht w it h th eir le gs c ro sse d , w hile h usb and s le an fo rw ard . A ll e yes a re o n th e w ooden te le vis io n s e t. I s ta nd in th e back , e xchange a fe w s m ile s, s ile nt h ello s. E xcep t fo r th e a nno uncer, th e r o om is q uie t.

"W hooooooa!" th ey a ll y ell a nd h and s fly in th e a ir a nd w om en s ta nd a nd c la p a nd c la p . I c hew a t my c utic le .

"T hat's it , R eb els ! Y ou s h o w th o se T ig ers !" "G o, R eb els !" c heers M ary F ra nces T ru ly , ju m pin g u p a nd d ow n in h er m atc hin g s w eate r s e t. I lo ok at m y n ail w here m y c utic le h angs o ff, s tin gin g a nd p in k . T he r o om is th ic k w it h b ourb on-sm ell a nd re d w ool a nd d ia m ond r in gs. I w ond er if th e g ir ls r e ally c are a b out fo otb all, o r if th ey ju st a ct th is way to im pre ss th eir h usb and s. I n m y fo ur m onth s o f b ein g in th e L eague, I 'v e n ever o nce h ad a g ir l ask m e, " H ow b out th em R eb s? " I c hat m y w ay th ro ugh s o m e c o up le s u ntil I m ak e it to th e k it c hen. H illy 's ta ll, th in m aid , Y ule M ay, is fo ld in g d ough a ro und tin y s a usa ges. A no th er c o lo re d g ir l, y o unger, w ash es d is h es a t th e s in k . H illy waves m e o ver, w here s h e's ta lk in g to D eena D ora n. ". . . b est d arn p etit fo ur I 'v e e ver ta ste d ! D eena, y o u m ig ht b e th e m ost ta le nte d c o ok in th e League!" H illy s tu ffs th e r e st o f th e c ak e in h er m outh , n o ddin g a nd m m-m min g.

"W hy, th ank y o u, H illy , th ey'r e h ard b ut I th in k th ey'r e w orth it ." D eena is b eam in g, lo oks lik e s h e mig ht c ry u nd er H illy 's a d ora tio n.

"S o y o u'll d o it ? O h, I 'm s o g la d . T he b ak e s a le c o m mit te e re a lly n eed s s o m eb ody lik e y o u." "A nd h o w m any d id y o u n eed ?" "F iv e h und re d , b y to m orro w a fte rn o on." Deena's s m ile fr e eze s. " O kay. I g uess I c an . . . w ork th ro ugh th e n ig ht." "S keete r, y o u m ad e it ," H illy s a ys a nd D eena w and ers o ut o f th e k it c hen.

"I c an't s ta y lo ng," I s a y, p ro bab ly to o q uic k ly .

"W ell, I fo und o ut." H illy s m ir k s. " H e is d efin it e ly c o m in g th is tim e. T hre e w eek s fr o m to day." I w atc h Y ule M ay's lo ng fin gers p in ch th e d ough o ff a k nif e a nd I s ig h, k no w in g r ig ht a w ay w ho s h e means. " I d on't k no w , H illy . Y ou'v e tr ie d s o m any tim es. M ayb e it 's a s ig n." L ast m onth , w hen h e'd cancele d th e d ay b efo re th e d ate , I 'd a ctu ally a llo w ed m yse lf a b it o f e xcit e m ent. I d on't r e ally fe el lik e g o in g th ro ugh th at a gain .

"W hat? D on't y o u d are s a y th at." "H illy ," I c le nch m y te eth , b ecause it 's tim e I fin ally ju st s a id it , " y o u k no w I w on't b e h is ty p e." "L ook a t m e," s h e s a ys. A nd I d o a s I 'm to ld . B ecause th at is w hat w e d o a ro und H illy .

"H illy , y o u c an't m ak e m e g o --" "It is yo ur t im e , S keete r." S he r e aches o ver a nd s q ueeze s m y h and , p re sse s h er th um b a nd fin gers dow n a s h ard a s C onsta ntin e e ver d id . " It is y o ur tu rn . A nd d am n it , I 'm n o t g o in g to le t y o u m is s th is ju st b ecause y o ur m oth er c o nvin ced y o u y o u'r e n o t g o od e no ugh fo r s o m eb ody lik e h im ." I'm s tu ng b y h er b it te r, tr u e w ord s. A nd y et, I a m a w ed b y m y fr ie nd , b y h er te nacit y fo r m e. H illy and I 'v e a lw ays b een u nco m pro m is in gly h o nest w it h e ach o th er, e ven a b out th e lit tle th in gs. W it h oth er p eo ple , H illy h and s o ut lie s lik e th e P re sb yte ria ns h and o ut g uilt , b ut it 's o ur o w n s ile nt agre em ent, th is s tr ic t h o nesty , p erh ap s th e o ne th in g th at h as k ep t u s fr ie nd s.

Eliz a b eth c o m es in th e k it c hen c arry in g a n e m pty p la te . S he s m ile s, th en s to ps, a nd w e a ll th re e lo ok at e ach o th er.

"W hat? " E liz a b eth s a ys. I c an te ll s h e th in k s w e'v e b een ta lk in g a b out h er.

"T hre e w eek s th en?" H illy a sk s m e. " Y ou c o m in g?" "O h y es y o u a re ! Y ou m ost c erta in ly a re g o in g!" E liz a b eth s a ys.

I lo ok in th eir s m ilin g fa ces, a t th eir h o pe fo r m e. I t's n o t lik e M oth er's m ed dlin g, b ut a c le an h o pe, wit h o ut s tr in gs o r h urt. I h ate th at m y fr ie nd s h ave d is c usse d th is , m y o ne n ig ht's fa te , b ehin d m y back . I h ate it a nd I lo ve it to o.

I H EA D b ack to th e c o untr y b efo re th e g am e is o ver. O ut th e o pen w in d ow o f th e C ad illa c, th e fie ld s lo ok c ho pped a nd b urn ed . D ad dy fin is h ed th e la st h arv est w eek s a go , b ut th e s id e o f th e r o ad is s till s n o w y w it h c o tto n s tu ck in th e g ra ss. W hif fs o f it b lo w a nd flo at th ro ugh th e a ir .

I c heck th e m ailb ox fr o m th e d riv er's s e at. I n sid e is The F arm er's A lm anac a nd a s in gle le tte r. I t is fr o m H arp er & R ow . I tu rn in to th e d riv e, th ro w th e g ear in to P ark . T he le tte r is h and w rit te n, o n sm all s q uare n o te p ap er.

Mis s P hela n, Yo u c erta in ly m ay h one y o ur w rit in g s k ills o n s u ch f la t, p assio nle ss s u bje cts a s d ru nk d riv in g and illit e ra cy. I ' d h oped , h ow ev er, y o u'd c h oose t o pic s t h at a ctu ally h ad s o m e p unch t o t h em .

Keep lo okin g. I f y o u f in d s o m eth in g o rig in al, o nly t h en m ay y o u w rit e m e a gain .

I s lip p ast M oth er in th e d in in g r o om , in vis ib le P asc ago ula d ustin g p ic tu re s in th e h all, u p m y s te ep , vic io us s ta ir s . M y fa ce b urn s. I fig ht th e te ars o ver M is su s S te in 's le tte r, te ll m yse lf to p ull it to geth er.

The w ors t p art is , I d on't h ave a ny b ette r id eas.

I b ury m yse lf in th e n ext h o use k eep in g a rtic le , th en th e L eague n ew sle tte r. F or th e s e co nd w eek in a ro w , I le ave o ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e. A n h o ur la te r, I fin d m yse lf s ta rin g o ff a t th e w in d ow . M y co py o f Let U s N ow P ra is e F am ous M en s it s o n th e w in d ow le d ge. I w alk o ver a nd p ic k it u p , afr a id th e lig ht w ill fa d e th e p ap er ja ck et, th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to o f th e h um ble , im poveris h ed fa m ily o n th e c o ver. T he b ook is w arm a nd h eavy fr o m th e s u n. I w ond er if I 'll e ver w rit e a nyth in g worth a nyth in g a t a ll. I tu rn w hen I h ear P asc ago ula 's k no ck o n m y d oor. T hat's w hen th e id ea co m es to m e.

No. I c o uld n't . T hat w ould b e... c ro ssin g t h e lin e.

But th e id ea w on't g o a w ay.

AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 7 T H E H EAT W AV E fin ally p asse s r o und th e m id dle a O cto ber a nd w e g et o urs e lv es a c o ol fif ty d egre es. I n th e m orn in gs, th at b ath ro om s e at g et c o ld o ut th ere , g iv e m e a lit tle s ta rt w hen I s e t d ow n. I t's ju st a lit tle r o om th ey b uilt in sid e th e c arp ort. I n sid e is a to ile t a nd a lit tle s in k a tta ched to t h e w all. A p ull c o rd fo r th e lig htb ulb . P ap er h ave to s e t o n th e flo or.

W hen I w ait e d o n M is s C aulie r, h er c arp ort a tta ch to th e h o use s o I d id n't h ave to g o o uts id e. P la ce b efo re th at h ad a m aid q uarte rs . P lu s m y o w n lit tle b ed ro om fo r w hen I s it a t n ig ht. T his o ne I g o t to c ro ss th ro ugh th e w eath er to g et th ere .

O n a T uesd ay n o on, I c arry m y lu nch o n o ut to th e b ack s te p s, s e t d ow n o n th e c o ol c o ncre te . M is s L eefo lt 's g ra ss d on't g ro w g o od b ack h ere . A b ig m agno lia tr e e s h ad es m ost a th e y ard . I a lr e ad y k no w th at's th e tr e e g o ne b e M ae M oble y's h id eo ut. I n a b out fiv e y ears , to h id e fr o m M is s L eefo lt .

A fte r a w hile , M ae M oble y w ad dle o ut o n th e b ack s te p . S he g o t h alf h er h am burg er p atty in h er h and . S he s m ile u p a t m e a nd s a y, " G ood." " H ow c o m e y o u n o t in th ere w it h y o ur m am a?" I a sk , b ut I k no w w hy. S he r a th er b e s e ttin g o ut h ere w it h th e h elp th an in th ere w atc hin g h er m am a lo ok a nyw here b ut a t h er. S he lik e o ne a th em b ab y c hic k ens th at g et c o nfu se d a nd fo llo w th e d uck s a ro und in ste ad .

M ae M oble y p oin t a t th e b lu eb ir d s g ettin g r e ad y fo r w in te r, tw it te rin g in th e lit tle g ra y fo unta in . " B oo b ir d s!" S he p oin t a nd d ro p h er h am burg er d ow n o n th e s te p . O ut a n o w here , th at o ld b ir d d og A ub ie th ey d on't n ever p ay n o m in d to c o m e u p a nd g o bble it d ow n. I d on't ta k e to d ogs, b ut th is o ne is ju st p la in p it if u l. I p et h im o n th e h ead . I b et n o body p ette d th at d og s in ce C hris tm as.

W hen M ae M oble y s e e h im , s h e s q ueal a nd g ra b a t h is ta il. I t w hap h er in th e fa ce a fe w tim es b efo re s h e g et h o lt . P oor th in g, h e w hin e a nd g iv e h er o ne a th o se p it if u l p eo ple -d og lo oks, h is h ead t u rn ed fu nny, h is e yeb ro w s u p . I c an a lm ost h ear h im a sk in g h er to tu rn h im lo ose . H e a in 't th e b it in g k in d .

S o s h e'll le t g o , I s a y, " M ae M oble y, w here y o ur ta il? " S ho n uff, s h e le t g o a nd s ta rt lo okin g a t h er r e ar. H er m outh 's p opped o pen lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve s h e d one m is se d it a ll th is tim e. S he tu rn in g in w obbly c ir c le s tr y in g to s e e it .

" Y ou a in 't g o t n o ta il. " I la ugh a nd c atc h h er fo re s h e fa ll o ff th at s te p . D og s n if f a ro und fo r m ore h am burg er.

I t a lw ays tic k le m e h o w th ese b ab ie s b elie ve a nyth in g y o u te ll e m . T ate F orre st, o ne a m y u se d -to - b e b ab ie s lo ng tim e a go , s to p m e o n th e w ay to th e J it n ey ju st la st w eek , g iv e m e a b ig h ug, s o h ap py to s e e m e. H e a g ro w n m an n o w . I n eed ed to g et b ack to M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut h e s ta rt la ughin g a nd m em orin g h o w I 'd d o h im w hen h e w as a b oy. H ow th e fir s t tim e h is fo ot fe ll a sle ep a nd h e s a y i t tic k le , I to ld h im th at w as ju st h is fo ot s n o rin g. A nd h o w I to ld h im d on't d rin k c o ffe e o r h e g o ne t u rn c o lo re d . H e s a y h e s till a in 't d ru nk a c up a c o ffe e a nd h e tw enty -o ne y ears o ld . I t's a lw ays n ic e s e ein g th e k id s g ro w n u p fin e.

"M ae M oble y? M ae M oble y L eefo lt ! " Mis s L eefo lt ju st n o w n o tic in g h er c hild a in 't s e ttin g in th e s a m e r o om w it h h er. " S he o ut h ere w it h me, M is s L eefo lt ," I s a y th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor.

"I to ld y o u to e at in y o ur h ig h c hair , M ae M oble y. H ow I e nd ed u p w it h y o u w hen a ll m y fr ie nd s have a ngels I ju st d o n o t k no w . . ." B ut th en th e p ho ne r in g a nd I h ear h er s to m pin g o ff to g et it .

I lo ok d ow n a t B ab y G ir l, s e e h o w h er fo re head 's a ll w rin k le d u p b etw een th e e yes. S he s tu d yin g hard o n s o m eth in g.

I to uch h er c heek . " Y ou a lr ig ht, b ab y?" She s a y, " M ae M o b ad ." The w ay s h e s a y it , lik e it 's a fa ct, m ak e m y in sid es h urt.

"M ae M oble y," I s a y c ause I g o t a n o tio n to tr y s o m eth in g. " Y ou a s m art g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e, lik e s h e d on't k no w .

"Y ou a s m art g ir l, " I s a y a gain .

She s a y, " M ae M o s m art." I s a y, " Y ou a k in d lit tle g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e. S he tw o y ears o ld . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e is y et.

I s a y, " Y ou a k in d g ir l, " a nd s h e n o d, r e p eat it b ack to m e. B ut b efo re I c an d o a no th er o ne, s h e g et up a nd c hase th at p oor d og a ro und th e y ard a nd la ugh a nd th at's w hen I g et to w ond erin g, w hat would h ap pen if I to ld h er s h e s o m eth in g g o od, e ver d ay?

She tu rn fr o m th e b ir d bath a nd s m ile a nd h o lle r, " H i, A ib ee. I lo ve y o u, A ib ee," a nd I fe el a tic k ly fe elin g, s o ft lik e th e fla p a b utte rfly w in gs, w atc hin g h er p la y o ut th ere . T he w ay I u se d to fe el watc hin g T re elo re . A nd th at m ak es m e k in d a s a d , m em orin g.

Afte r w hile , M ae M oble y c o m e o ver a nd p re ss h er c heek u p to m in e a nd ju st h o ld it th ere , lik e s h e kno w I b e h urtin g. I h o ld h er tig ht, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a kin d g ir l, M ae M oble y. Y ou hear m e?" A nd I k eep s a yin g it till s h e r e p eat it b ack to m e.

TH E N EX T F EW W EEK S is r e al im porta nt fo r M ae M oble y. Y ou th in k o n it , y o u p ro bab ly d on't re m em ber th e fir s t tim e y o u w ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l s te ad o f a d ia p er. P ro bab ly d on't giv e n o c re d it to w ho ta ught y o u, n eit h er. N ever h ad a s in gle b ab y I r a is e c o m e u p to m e a nd s a y, Aib ile en , w hy I s u re d o t h ank y o u f o r s h ow in g m e h ow t o g o in t h e p ot.

It's a tr ic k y th in g. Y ou tr y a nd g et a b ab y to g o in th e to ile t b efo re it s tim e, it 'll m ak e e m c ra zy. T hey can't g et th e h ang o f it a nd g et to th in k in g lo w a th eyse lv es. B ab y G ir l, th o ugh, I k no w s h e r e ad y.

And s h e k no w s h e r e ad y. B ut, L aw , if s h e a in 't r u nnin g m y fo ol le gs o ff. I s e t h er o n h er w ooden bab y s e at s o h er lit tle h in ey d on't fa ll in a nd s o on a s I tu rn m y b ack , s h e o ff th at p ot r u nnin g.

"Y ou g o t to g o , M ae M oble y?" "N o." "Y ou d ru nk u p tw o g la sse s a g ra p e ju ic e, I k no w y o u g o t to g o ." "N ooo." "I g iv e y o u a c o okie if y o u g o fo r m e." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a w hile . S he s ta rt e yein g th e d oor. I d on't h ear n o th in g h ap penin g in th e b ow l.

Usu ally , I c an g et th em g o in g a fte r a b out tw o w eek s. B ut th at's if I g o t th ey m am as h elp in g m e. L it tle boys g o t to s e e th ey d ad dy d oin g it s ta nd in g-u p s ty le , lit tle g ir ls g o t to s e e th ey m am a s e ttin g d ow n.

Mis s L eefo lt w on't le t th at g ir l c o m e n ear h er w hen s h e g o in g, a nd th at's th e tr o ub le .

"G o ju st a lit tle fo r m e, B ab y G ir l. " She s tic k h er lip o ut, s h ak e h er h ead .

Mis s L eefo lt g o ne to g et h er h air d one, e ls e I a sk h er a gain w ill s h e s e t th e e xam ple e ven th o ugh th at wom an's a lr e ad y s a id no fiv e tim es. L ast tim e M is s L eefo lt s a y n o , I w as fix in g to te ll h er h o w m any kid s I r a is e d in m y lif e tim e a nd a sk h er w hat n um ber s h e o n, b ut I e nd ed u p s a yin g alr ig ht lik e I alw ays d o.

"I g iv e y o u tw o c o okie s," I s a y e ven th o ugh h er m am a a lw ays g ettin g o n m e a b out m ak in g h er fa t.

Mae M oble y, s h e s h ak e h er h ead a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Now , I a in 't s a yin g I a in 't h eard th is b efo re , b ut u su ally I c an g et a ro und it . I k no w , th o ugh, s h e g o t to s e e h o w it 's d one fo re s h e g o ne g et to b usin ess. I s a y, " I d on't g o t to g o ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er. S he p oin t a gain a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Then s h e g et to c ry in g a nd fid getin g c ause th at s e at m ak in g a lit tle in d ent o n h er b ehin d a nd I k no w what I 'm o n h ave to d o. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to g o a b out it . S ho uld I ta k e h er o ut to th e g ara ge to min e o r g o h ere in th is b ath ro om ? W hat if M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e a nd I 'm s e ttin g u p o n th is to ile t?

She h ave a fit .

I p ut h er d ia p er b ack o n a nd w e g o o ut to th e g ara ge. R ain m ak e it s m ell a lit tle s w am py. E ven w it h th e lig ht o n it 's d ark , a nd th ey a in 't n o fa ncy w allp ap er lik e in sid e th e h o use . F act, th ey r e ally a in 't n o pro per w alls a t a ll, ju st p ly b oard h am mere d to geth er. I w ond er if s h e g o ne b e s c are d .

"A lr ig ht, B ab y G ir l, h ere tis . A ib ile en's b ath ro om ." She s tic k h er h ead in a nd h er m outh m ak e th e s h ap e o f a C heerio . S he s a y, " O ooooo." I ta k e d ow n m y u nd erth in gs a nd I te e-te e r e al fa st, u se th e p ap er, a nd g et it a ll b ack o n b efo re s h e can r e ally s e e a nyth in g. T hen I flu sh .

"A nd th at's h o w y o u g o in th e to ile t," I s a y.

Well, d on't s h e lo ok s u rp ris e . G ot h er m outh h angin g o pen lik e s h e d one s e en a m ir a cle . I s te p o ut and fo re I k no w it , s h e g o t h er d ia p er o ff a nd th at lit tle m onk ey d one c lim bed o n th at to ile t, h o ld in g hers e lf u p s o s h e d on't fa ll in , g o in g te e-te e fo r h ers e lf .

"M ae M oble y! Y ou g o in g! T hat's r e al g o od!" S he s m ile a nd I c atc hes h er fo re s h e d ip d ow n in it .

We r u n b ack in sid e a nd s h e g et h er tw o c o okie s.

Late r o n, I g et h er o n h er p ot a nd s h e g o fo r m e a gain . T hat's th e h ard est p art, th o se fir s t c o up le a tim es. B y th e e nd a th e d ay, I fe el lik e I r e ally d one s o m eth in g. S he g ettin g to b e a p re tty g o od ta lk er and y o u c an g uess w hat th e n ew w ord a th e d ay is .

"W hat B ab y G ir l d o to day?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." "W hat th ey g o ne p ut in th e h is to ry b ooks n ext to th is d ay?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." I s a y, " W hat M is s H illy s m ell lik e?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." But I g et o nto m yse lf . I t w asn 't C hris tia n, p lu s I 'm a fr a id s h e r e p eat it .

LATE T H AT A FTER N OON, M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e w it h h er h air a ll te ase d u p . S he g o t a perm anent a nd s h e s m ell lik e p neum onia .

"G uess w hat M ae M oble y d one to day?" I s a y. " W ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l. " "O h, th at's w ond erfu l! " S he g iv e h er g ir l a h ug, s o m eth in g I d on't s e e e no ugh o f. I k no w s h e m ean it , to o, c ause M is s L eefo lt d o not lik e c hangin g d ia p ers .

I s a y, " Y ou g o t to m ak e s u re s h e g o in th e p ot fr o m n o w o n. I t's r e al c o nfu sin g fo r h er if y o u d on't ." Mis s L eefo lt s m ile , s a y, " A lr ig ht." "L et's s e e if s h e d o it o ne m ore tim e fo re I g o h o m e." W e g o in th e b ath ro om . I g et h er d ia p ers o ff and p ut h er u p o n th at to ile t. B ut B ab y G ir l, s h e s h ak in g h er h ead .

"C om e o n, M ae M oble y, c an't y o u g o in th e p ot fo r y o ur m am a?" "N oooo." Fin ally I p ut h er b ack d ow n o n h er fe et. " T hat's a lr ig ht, y o u d id r e al g o od to day." But M is s L eefo lt , s h e g o t h er lip s s tic k in g o ut a nd s h e h m phin g a nd fr o w nin g d ow n a t h er. B efo re I can g et h er d ia p er o n a gain , B ab y G ir l r u n o ff fa st a s s h e c an. N ek kid lit tle w hit e b ab y r u nnin g th ro ugh th e h o use . S he in th e k it c hen. S he g o t th e b ack d oor o pen, s h e in th e g ara ge, tr y in g to r e ach th e k no b to my b ath ro om . W e r u n a fte r h er a nd M is s L eefo lt p oin tin g h er fin ger. H er v o ic e g o a b out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " T his is n o t y o ur b ath ro om !" Bab y G ir l w aggin g h er h ead .

"M y b afro om !" Mis s L eefo lt s n atc h h er u p , g iv e h er a p op o n th e le g.

"M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't k no w w hat s h e d o--" "G et b ack in th e h o use , A ib ile en!" I h ate it , b ut I g o in th e k it c hen. I s ta nd in th e m id dle , le ave th e d oor o pen b ehin d m e.

"I d id n o t r a is e y o u to u se th e c o lo re d b ath ro om !" I h ear h er h is s-w his p erin g, th in k in g I c an't h ear, and I th in k , Lady, y o u d id n't r a is e y o ur c h ild a t a ll.

"T his is d ir ty o ut h ere , M ae M oble y. Y ou'll c atc h d is e ase s! N o n o n o !" A nd I h ear h er p op h er a gain and a gain o n h er b are le gs.

Afte r a s e co nd , M is s L eefo lt p ota to -sa ck h er in sid e. T here a in 't n o th in g I c an d o b ut w atc h it hap pen. M y h eart fe el lik e it 's s q ueezin g u p in to m y th ro at- p ip e. M is s L eefo lt d ro p M ae M oble y in fr o nt a th e te e-v ee a nd s h e m arc h to h er b ed ro om a nd s la m th e d oor. I g o g iv e B ab y G ir l a h ug. S he still c ry in g a nd s h e lo ok a w fu l c o nfu se d .

"I'm r e al s o rry , M ae M oble y," I w his p er to h er. I 'm c ussin g m yse lf fo r ta k in g h er o ut th ere in th e fir s t pla ce. B ut I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to s a y, s o I ju st h o ld h er.

We s e t th ere w atc hin g Li'l R asc a ls u ntil M is s L eefo lt c o m e o ut, a sk a in 't it p ast tim e fo r m e to g o . I tu ck m y b us d im e in m y p ock et. G iv e M ae M oble y o ne m ore h ug, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a good g ir l. " On th e r id e h o m e, I d on't s e e th e b ig w hit e h o use s p assin g o uts id e th e w in d ow . I d on't ta lk to m y maid fr ie nd s. I s e e B ab y G ir l g ettin g s p ank ed c ause a m e. I s e e h er lis te nin g to M is s L eefo lt c all m e dir ty , d is e ase d .

The b us s p eed s u p a lo ng S ta te S tr e et. W e p ass o ver th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge a nd m y ja w s o tig ht I c o uld b re ak m y te eth o ff. I fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in g in sid e a m e, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r Tre elo re d ie d . I w ant to y ell s o lo ud th at B ab y G ir l c an h ear m e th at d ir ty a in 't a c o lo r, d is e ase a in 't th e N egro s id e a to w n. I w ant to s to p th at m om ent fr o m c o m in g--a nd it c o m e in e ver w hit e c hild 's lif e --w hen th ey s ta rt to th in k th at c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a s g o od a s w hit e s.

We tu rn o n F aris h a nd I s ta nd u p c ause m y s to p b e c o m in g. I p ra y th at w asn 't h er m om ent. P ra y I still g o t tim e.

TH IN GS is R EA L Q UIE T th e n ext fe w w eek s. M ae M oble y's w earin g b ig -g ir l p antie s n o w . S he don't h ard ly e ver h ave n o a ccid ents . A fte r w hat h ap pen in th e g ara ge, M is s L eefo lt ta k e a r e al in te re st in M ae M oble y's b ath ro om h ab it s . S he e ven le t h er w atc h h er o n th e p ot, s e t th e w hit e exam ple . A fe w tim es, th o ugh, w hen h er m am a's g o ne, I s till c atc h h er tr y in g to g o in m in e.

Som etim es s h e d o it fo re I c an te ll h er n o .

"H ey, M is s C la rk ." R obert B ro w n, w ho d o M is s L eefo lt 's y ard , c o m e u p o n h er b ack s te p s. I t's n ic e and c o ol o ut. I o pen th e s c re en d oor.

"H ow y o u d oin g, s o n?" I s a y a nd p at h im o n th e a rm . " I h ear y o u w ork in g e ver y ard o n th e s tr e et." "Y es m a'a m . G ot tw o g uys m ow in g fo r m e." H e g rin . H e a h and so m e b oy, ta ll w it h s h o rt h air . W ent to h ig h s c ho ol w it h T re elo re . T hey w as g o od fr ie nd s, p la yed b ase b all to geth er. I to uch h im o n th e arm , ju st n eed in g to fe el it a gain .

"H ow y o ur G ra nm am a?" I a sk . I lo ve L ouvenia , s h e is th e s w eete st p ers o n liv in g. S he a nd R obert cam e to th e fu nera l to geth er. T his m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat's c o m in g n ext w eek . T he w ors t d ay a th e y ear.

"S he s tr o nger th an m e." H e s m ile . " I b e b y y o ur h o use o n S atu rd ay to m ow ." Tre elo re a lw ays d id m y m ow in g fo r m e. N ow R obert d oes it w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g, n ever w ill ta k e any m oney fo r it . " T hank y o u, R obert. I a p pre cia te it ." "Y ou n eed a nyth in g, y o u c all m e, a lr ig ht, M is s C la rk ?" "T hank y o u, s o n." I h ear th e d oorb ell r in g a nd I s e e M is s S keete r's c ar o ut fr o nt. M is s S keete r b een c o m in g o ver to Mis s L eefo lt 's e ver w eek th is m onth , to a sk m e th e M is s M yrn a q uestio ns. S he a sk a b out h ard wate r s ta in s a nd I te ll h er c re am o f ta rta r. S he a sk h o w y o u u nsc re w a lig htb ulb th at d one b ro ke o ff in th e s o ck et a nd I te ll h er a r a w p ota to . S he a sk m e w hat h ap pen w it h h er o ld m aid C onsta ntin e and h er m am a, a nd I g o c o ld . I th o ught if I to ld h er a lit tle , a fe w w eek s a go , a b out C onsta ntin e havin g a d aughte r, s h e'd le ave m e a lo ne a b out it a fte r th at. B ut M is s S keete r ju st k eep o n a sk in g m e questio ns. I c o uld te ll s h e d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy a c o lo re d w om an c an't r a is e n o w hit e -sk in b ab y in Mis sis sip pi. B e a h ard , lo nely lif e , n o t b elo ngin g h ere n o r th ere .

Ever tim e M is s S keete r fin is h a sk in g m e a b out h o w to c le an th e-th is o r fix th e-th at o r w here Consta ntin e, w e g et to ta lk in g a b out o th er th in gs to o. T hat's n o t s o m eth in g I d one a w ho le lo t w it h my b osse s o r th ey fr ie nd s. I fin d m yse lf te llin g h er h o w T re elo re n ever m ad e b elo w a B + o r th at th e new c hurc h d eaco n g et o n m y n erv es c ause h e lis p . L it tle b it s , b ut th in gs I o rd in arily w ould n't te ll a whit e p ers o n.

Today, I 'm tr y in g to e xp la in to h er th e d if fe re nce b etw een d ip pin g a nd p olis h in g th e s ilv er, h o w o nly th e ta ck y h o use s d o th e d ip c ause it 's fa ste r, b ut it d on't lo ok g o od. M is s S keete r c o ck h er h ead to th e s id e, w rin k le h er fo re head . " A ib ile en, r e m em ber th at . . . id ea T re elo re h ad ?" I n o d, fe el a p ric k le . I s h o uld a n ever s h are d th at w it h a w hit e w om an.

Mis s S keete r s q uin t h er e yes lik e s h e d id w hen s h e b ru ng u p th e b ath ro om th in g th at tim e. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out it . I 'v e b een w antin g to ta lk to y o u--" But fo re s h e c an fin is h , M is s L eefo lt c o m e in th e k it c hen a nd c atc h B ab y G ir l p la yin g w it h m y c o m b in m y p ock etb ook a nd s a y m ayb e M ae M oble y o ught to h ave h er b ath e arly to day. I te ll M is s Skeete r g o odbye, g o s ta rt th e tu b .

AFTER I S PEN T a Y EA R d re ad in g it , N ovem ber e ig hth fin ally c o m e. I s p ec I s le ep a b out tw o ho urs th e n ig ht b efo re . I w ak e u p a t d aw n a nd p ut a p ot a C om munit y c o ffe e o n th e s to veto p. M y back h urts w hen I b end o ver to g et m y h o se o n. F ore I w alk o ut th e d oor, th e p ho ne r in g.

"J u st c heck in g o n y o u. Y ou s le ep ?" "I d id a lr ig ht." "I'm o n b rin g y o u a c ara m el c ak e to nig ht. A nd I d on't w ant y o u to d o n o th in g b ut s e t in y o ur k it c hen and e at th e w ho le th in g fo r s u p per." I tr y to s m ile , b ut n o th in g c o m e o ut. I te ll M in ny th ank y o u.

Thre e y ears a go to day, T re elo re d ie d . B ut b y M is s L eefo lt 's b ook it 's s till flo or- c le anin g d ay.

Thank sg iv in g c o m in g in tw o w eek s a nd I g o t p le nty to d o to g et r e ad y. I s c ru b m y w ay th ro ugh th e morn in g, th ro ugh th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. I m is s m y s to rie s c ause th e la d ie s is in th e d in in g r o om havin g a B enefit m eetin g a nd I a in 't a llo w ed to tu rn o n th e te e-v ee w hen th ey's c o m pany. A nd th at's fin e. M y m usc le s is s h iv erin g th ey s o tir e d . B ut I d on't w ant a s to p m ovin g.

About fo ur o 'c lo ck , M is s S keete r c o m e in th e k it c hen. B efo re s h e c an e ven s a y h ello , M is s L eefo lt ru sh in b ehin d h er. " A ib ile en, I ju st fo und o ut M is su s F re d eric k s is d riv in g d ow n fr o m G re enw ood to m orro w a nd s ta yin g th ro ugh T hank sg iv in g. I w ant th e s ilv er s e rv ic e p olis h ed a nd a ll th e g uest to w els w ash ed . T om orro w I 'll g iv e y o u th e lis t o f w hat e ls e ." Mis s L eefo lt s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s S keete r lik e a in 't s h e g o t th e h ard est lif e in to w n a nd w alk s o ut. I g o o n a nd g et th e s ilv er s e rv ic e o ut th e d in in g r o om . L aw , I 'm a lr e ad y tir e d a nd I g o t to b e r e ad y to work th e B enefit n ext S atu rd ay n ig ht. M in ny a in 't c o m in g. S he to o s c are d s h e g o ne r u n in to M is s Hilly .

Mis s S keete r s till w ait in g o n m e in th e k it c hen w hen I c o m e b ack in . S he g o t a M is s M yrn a le tte r in her h and .

"Y ou g o t a c le anin g q uestio n?" I s ig h. " G o h ead ." "N ot r e ally . I ju st . . . I w ante d to a sk y o u . . . th e o th er d ay . . ." I ta k e a p lu g a P in e-O la c re am a nd s ta rt r u b bin g it o nto th e s ilv er, w ork in g th e c lo th a ro und th e r o se desig n, th e lip a nd th e h and le . G od, p le ase le t to m orro w c o m e s o on. I a in 't g o ne g o to th e g ra vesit e .

I c an't , it 'll b e to o h ard -- "A ib ile en? A re y o u fe elin g a lr ig ht? " I s to p, lo ok u p . R ealiz e M is s S keete r b een ta lk in g to m e th e w ho le tim e.

"I'm s o rry I 's ju st . . . th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g." "Y ou lo oked s o s a d ." "M is s S keete r." I fe el te ars c o m e u p in m y e yes, c ause th re e y ears ju st a in 't lo ng e no ugh. A h und re d years a in 't g o ne b e lo ng e no ugh. " Y ou m in d if I h elp y o u w it h th em q uestio ns to m orro w ?" Mis s S keete r s ta rt to s a y s o m eth in g, b ut th en s h e s to p h ers e lf . " O f c o urs e . I h o pe y o u fe el b ette r." I fin is h th e s ilv er s e t a nd th e to w els a nd te ll M is s L eefo lt I g o t to g o h o m e e ven th o ugh it 's h alf a h o ur early a nd s h e g o ne s h o rt m y p ay. S he o pen h er m outh lik e s h e w ant to p ro te st a nd I w his p er m y lie , I v om it e d , a nd s h e s a y go.

C ause b esid es h er o w n m oth er, th ere a in 't n o th in g M is s L eefo lt s c are d of m ore th an N egro d is e ase s.

"A LR IG HT T H EN . I 'll b e b ack in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'll p ull r ig ht u p h ere a t n in e fo rty -fiv e," M is s Leefo lt s a y th ro ugh th e p asse nger c ar w in d ow . M is s L eefo lt d ro ppin g m e o ff a t th e J it n ey 1 4 to p ic k up w hat e ls e w e n eed fo r T hank sg iv in g to m orro w .

"Y ou b rin g h er b ack th at r e ceip t, n o w ," M is s F re d eric k s, M is s L eefo lt 's m ean o ld m am a, s a y. T hey all th re e in th e fr o nt s e at, M ae M oble y s q ueeze d in th e m id dle w it h a lo ok s o m is e ra b le y o u th in k sh e a b out to g et a te ta nus s h o t. P oor g ir l. M is s F re d eric k s s u p pose d to s ta y tw o w eek s th is tim e.

"D on't fo rg et th e tu rk ey, n o w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y. " A nd tw o c ans o f c ra nb erry s a uce." I s m ile . I o nly b een c o okin g w hit e T hank sg iv in gs s in ce C alv in C oolid ge w as P re sid ent. "Q uit s q uir m in g, M ae M oble y," M is s F re d eric k s s n ap , " o r I 'll p in ch y o u." "M is s L eefo lt , le m me ta k e h er in th e s to re w it h m e. H elp m e w it h m y s h o ppin g." Mis s F re d eric k s a b out to p ro te st, b ut M is s L eefo lt s a y, " Ta ke h er," a nd fo re I k no w it , B ab y G ir l done w orm ed h er w ay o ver M is s F re d eric k s' la p a nd is c lim bin g o ut th e w in d ow in m y a rm s lik e I am th e L ord S avio r. I p ull h er u p o n m y h ip a nd th ey d riv e o ff to w ard F ortif ic atio n S tr e et, a nd B ab y Gir l a nd m e, w e g ig gle lik e a c o up le a s c ho olg ir ls .

I p ush o pen th e m eta l d oor, g et a c art, a nd p ut M ae M oble y u p fr o nt, s tic k h er le gs th ro ugh th e ho le s. L ong a s I g o t m y w hit e u nif o rm o n, I 'm a llo w ed to s h o p in th is J it n ey. I m is s th e o ld d ays, when y o u ju st w alk o ut to F ortif ic atio n S tr e et a nd th ere b e th e fa rm ers w it h th ey w heelb arro w s callin g o ut, " S w eet p ota to es, b utte r b eans, s tr in g b eans, o kra . F re sh c re am , b utte rm ilk , y ello w cheese , e ggs." B ut th e J it n ey a in 't s o b ad . L east th ey g o t th e g o od a ir - c o nd it io n.

"A lr ig hty , B ab y G ir l. L ess s e e w hat w e n eed ." In p ro duce, I p ic k o ut s ix s w eet p ota to es, th re e h and fu ls a s tr in g b eans. I g et a s m oked h am h o ck fr o m th e b utc her. T he s to re is b rig ht, lin ed u p n eat. N oth in g lik e th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly w it h sa w dust o n th e flo or. I t's m ostly w hit e la d ie s, s m ilin g, g o t th ey h air a lr e ad y fix ed a nd s p ra yed fo r to m orro w . F our o r fiv e m aid s is s h o ppin g, a ll in th ey u nif o rm s.

"P urp le s tu ff! " M ae M oble y s a y a nd I le t h er h o ld th e c an a c ra nb erry . S he s m ile a t it lik e it 's a o ld fr ie nd . S he lo ve th e p urp le s tu ff. I n d ry g o ods, I h eave th e tw o-p ound b ag a s a lt in th e c art, to b rin e th e tu rk ey in . I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and s, te n, e le ven, tw elv e. I f I 'm o n s o ak th e b ir d fo r fo urte en ho urs in th e s a lt w ate r, I 'll p ut it in th e b uck et a ro und th re e th is a fte rn o on. T hen I 'll c o m e in to M is s Leefo lt 's a t fiv e to m orro w m orn in g a nd c o ok th e tu rk ey fo r th e n ext s ix h o urs . I a lr e ad y b ak ed tw o pans a c o rn b re ad , le ft it to s ta le o n th e c o unte r to day to g iv e it s o m e c ru nch. I g o t a a p ple p ie r e ad y to b ak e, g o ne d o m y b is c uit s in th e m orn in g.

"R ead y fo r to m orro w , A ib ile en?" I tu rn a nd s e e F ra nny C oots b ehin d m e. S he g o to m y c hurc h, work fo r M is s C aro lin e o n M ansh ip . " H ey, c utie , lo ok a th em fa t le gs," s h e s a y to M ae M oble y.

Mae M oble y lic k th e c ra nb erry c an.

Fra nny b end h er h ead d ow n, s a y, " Y ou h ear w hat h ap pen to L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n th is morn in g?" "R obert? " I s a y. " W ho d o th e m ow in g?" "U se th e w hit e b ath ro om a t P in chm an L aw n a nd G ard en. S ay th ey w asn 't a s ig n u p s a yin g s o . T w o whit e m ens c hase d h im a nd b eat h im w it h a tir e ir o n." Oh n o . N ot Robert.

" H e . . . is h e . . . ? " Fra nny s h ak e h er h ead . " T hey d on't k no w . H e u p a t th e h o sp it a l. I h eard h e b lin d ." "G od, n o ." I c lo se m y e yes. L ouvenia , s h e is th e p ure st, k in d est p ers o n th ey is . S he r a is e d R obert afte r h er o w n d aughte r d ie d . "P oor L ouvenia . I d on't k no w w hy th e b ad h ave to h ap pen to th e g o odest o nes," F ra nny s a y.

TH AT A FTER N OON, I w ork lik e a c ra zy w om an, c ho ppin g o nio ns a nd c ele ry , m ix in g u p m y dre ssin g, r ic in g s w eet p ota to es, s tr in gin g th e b eans, p olis h in g s ilv er. I h eard fo lk s is h ead in g to Louvenia B ro w n's to nig ht a t fiv e-th ir ty to p ra y fo r R obert, b ut b y th e tim e I lif t th at tw enty -p ound tu rk ey in th e b rin e, I c an't b are ly r a is e m y a rm s.

I d on't fin is h c o okin g till s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht, tw o h o urs la te r th an u su al. I k no w I a in 't g o ne h ave th e s tr e ngth to g o k no ck o n L ouvenia 's d oor. I 'll h ave to d o it to m orro w a fte r I 'm d one c le anin g u p th e tu rk ey. I w ad dle m yse lf fr o m th e b us s to p, h ard ly a b le to k eep m y e yes o pen. I tu rn th e c o rn er on G essu m . A b ig w hit e C ad illa c's p ark ed in fr o nt a m y h o use . A nd th ere b e M is s S keete r in a r e d dre ss a nd r e d s h o es, s e ttin g o n m y fr o nt s te p s lik e a b ullh o rn .

I w alk r e al s lo w th ro ugh m y y ard , w ond erin g w hat it 's g o ne b e n o w . M is s S keete r s ta nd u p , h o ld in g her p ock etb ook tig ht lik e it m ig ht g et s n atc hed . W hit e p eo ple s d on't c o m e r o und m y n eig hb orh o od le ss th ey to tin g th e h elp to a nd fr o , a nd th at is ju st fin e w it h m e. I s p end a ll d ay lo ng te nd in g to w hit e peo ple s. I d on't n eed e m lo okin g in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I h o pe y o u d on't m in d m e c o m in g b y," s h e s a y. " I ju st . . . I d id n't k no w w here e ls e w e c o uld ta lk ." I s e t d ow n o n th e s te p a nd e ver k no b o n m y s p in e h urt. B ab y G ir l s o n erv o us a ro und h er Gra nm am a, s h e w et a ll o ver m e a nd I s m ell lik e it . T he s tr e et's fu ll a fo lk s w alk in g to s w eet Louvenia 's to p ra y fo r R obert, k id s p la yin g b all in th e s tr e et. E verb ody lo okin g o ver a t u s th in k in g I must b e g ettin g fir e d o r s o m eth in g.

"Y es m a'a m ," I s ig h. " W hat c an I d o fo r y o u?" "I h ave a n id ea. S om eth in g I w ant to w rit e a b out. B ut I n eed y o ur h elp ." I le t a ll m y b re ath o ut. I lik e M is s S keete r, b ut c o m e o n. S ure , a p ho ne c all w ould a b een n ic e. S he never w ould a ju st s h o w n u p o n s o m e w hit e la d y's s te p w it h o ut c allin g. B ut n o , s h e d one p lo pped hers e lf d ow n lik e s h e g o t e ver r ig ht to b arg e in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I w ant to in te rv ie w y o u. A bout w hat it 's lik e to w ork a s a m aid ." A r e d b all r o ll a fe w fe et in m y y ard . T he lit tle J o nes b oy r u n a cro ss th e s tr e et to g et it . W hen h e s e e Mis s S keete r, h e s to p d ead . T hen h e r u n a nd s n atc h it u p . H e tu rn a nd d ash o ff lik e h e s c are d s h e go ne g et h im .

"L ik e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n?" I s a y, fla t a s a p an. " B out c le anin g?" "N ot lik e M is s M yrn a. I 'm ta lk in g a b out a b ook," s h e s a y a nd h er e yes is b ig . S he e xcit e d . " S to rie s ab out w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r a w hit e fa m ily . W hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r, s a y . . . E liz a b eth ." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t h er. T his w hat s h e b een tr y in g to a sk m e th e p ast tw o w eek s in M is s L eefo lt kit c hen. " Y ou th in k M is s L eefo lt g o ne a gre e to th at? M e te llin g s to rie s a b out h er? " Mis s S keete r's e yes d ro p d ow n s o m e. " W ell, n o . I w as th in k in g w e w ould n't te ll h er. I 'll h ave to mak e s u re th e o th er m aid s w ill a gre e to k eep it s e cre t, to o." I s c ru nch u p m y fo re head , ju st s ta rtin g to g et w hat s h e's a sk in g. " O th er m aid s? " "I w as h o pin g to g et fo ur o r fiv e. T o r e ally s h o w w hat it 's lik e to b e a m aid in J a ck so n." I lo ok a ro und . W e o ut h ere in th e w id e o pen. D on't s h e k no w h o w d angero us th is c o uld b e, ta lk in g ab out th is w hile th e w ho le w orld c an s e e u s? " E xactly w hat k in d a s to rie s y o u th in k y o u g o ne h ear? " "W hat y o u g et p aid , h o w th ey tr e at y o u, th e b ath ro om s, th e b ab ie s, a ll th e th in gs y o u'v e s e en, g o od and b ad ." She lo oks e xcit e d , lik e th is is s o m e k in d a g am e. F or a s e co nd , I th in k I m ig ht b e m ore m ad th an I am tir e d .

"M is s S keete r," I w his p er, " d o th at n o t s o und k in d a d angero us to y o u?" "N ot if w e'r e c are fu l- -" "S hhh, p le ase . D o y o u k no w w hat w ould h ap pen to m e if M is s L eefo lt fin d o ut I ta lk ed b ehin d h er back ?" "W e w on't te ll h er, o r a nyo ne." S he lo w ers h er v o ic e s o m e, b ut n o t e no ugh. " T hese w ill b e p riv ate in te rv ie w s." I ju st s ta re a t h er. I s s h e c ra zy ? " D id y o u h ear a b out th e c o lo re d b oy th is m orn in g? O ne th ey b eat wit h a tir e ir o n fo r accid en ta lly u sin g th e w hit e b ath ro om ?" She ju st lo ok a t m e, b lin k a lit tle . " I k no w th in gs a re u nsta b le b ut th is is --" "A nd m y c o usin S hin elle in C aute r C ounty ? T hey b urn u p h er c ar c ause s h e w ent dow n to th e v o tin g sta tio n." "N o o ne's e ver w rit te n a b ook lik e th is ," s h e s a y, fin ally w his p erin g, fin ally s ta rtin g to u nd ers ta nd , I guess. " W e'd b e b re ak in g n ew g ro und . I t's a b ra nd -n ew p ers p ectiv e." I s p ot a flo ck a m aid s in th ey u nif o rm s w alk in g b y m y h o use . T hey lo ok o ver, s e e m e s e ttin g w it h a whit e w om an o n m y fr o nt s te p . I g rit m y te eth , a lr e ad y k no w m y p ho ne g o ne b e r in gin g to nig ht.

"M is s S keete r," a nd I s a y it s lo w , tr y to m ak e it c o unt, " I d o th is w it h y o u, I m ig ht a s w ell b urn m y ow n h o use d ow n." Mis s S keete r s ta rt b it in g h er n ail th en. " B ut I 'v e a lr e ad y . . ." S he s h ut h er e yes c lo se d tig ht. I th in k ab out a sk in g h er, Alr e a dy w hat, b ut I 'm k in d a s c are d to h ear w hat s h e g o ne s a y. S he r e ach in h er pock etb ook, p ull o ut a s c ra p a p ap er a nd w rit e h er te le p ho ne n um ber o n it . "P le ase , w ill y o u a t le ast th in k a b out it ? " I s ig h, s ta re o ut a t th e y ard . G entle a s I c an, I s a y, " N o m a'a m ." She s e t th e s c ra p a p ap er b etw een u s o n th e s te p , th en s h e g et in h er C ad illa c. I 'm to o tir e d to g et up . I ju st s ta y th ere , w atc h w hile s h e r o ll r e al s lo w d ow n th e r o ad . T he b oys p la yin g b all c le ar th e str e et, s ta nd o n th e s id e fr o ze n, lik e it 's a fu nera l c ar p assin g b y.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 8 I D RIV E D O W N G essu m A venue in M am a's C ad illa c. U p a head , a lit tle c o lo re d b oy in o vera lls w atc hes m e, w id e-e yed , g rip pin g a r e d b all. I lo ok in to m y r e arv ie w m ir ro r. A ib ile en is s till o n h er f r o nt s te p s in h er w hit e u nif o rm . S he h ad n't e ven lo oked a t m e w hen s h e s a id No m a'a m .

S he ju st k ep t h er e yes s e t o n th at y ello w p atc h o f g ra ss in h er y ard .

I g uess I th o ught it w ould b e lik e v is it in g C onsta ntin e, w here fr ie nd ly c o lo re d p eo ple w aved a nd s m ile d , h ap py to s e e th e lit tle w hit e g ir l w ho se d ad dy o w ned th e b ig fa rm . B ut h ere , n arro w e yes w atc h m e p ass b y. W hen m y c ar g ets c lo se to h im , th e lit tle c o lo re d b oy tu rn s a nd s c ats b ehin d a h o use a fe w d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's . H alf - a -d oze n c o lo re d p eo ple a re g ath ere d in th e fr o nt y ard o f t h e h o use , h o ld in g tr a ys a nd b ags. I r u b m y te m ple s. I tr y to th in k o f s o m eth in g m ore th at m ig ht c o nvin ce A ib ile en.

A W EEK A GO , P asc ago ula k no ck ed o n m y b ed ro om d oor.

" T here 's a lo ng d is ta nce p ho ne c all fo r y o u, M is s S keete r. F ro m a M is s . . . S te rn , s h e s a y?" " S te rn ?" I th o ught o ut lo ud . T hen I s tr a ig hte ned . " D o y o u m ean . . .

Ste in ?

" " I . . . I r e ck on it c o uld a b een S te in . S he ta lk k in d a h ard -so und in g." I r u sh ed p ast P asc ago ula , d ow n th e s ta ir s . F or s o m e s tu p id r e aso n, I k ep t s m ooth in g m y fr iz zy h air d ow n a s if it w ere a m eetin g a nd n o t a p ho ne c all. I n th e k it c hen, I g ra b bed th e p ho ne d anglin g a gain st th e w all.

T hre e w eek s e arlie r, I 'd ty p ed o ut th e le tte r o n S tr a th m ore w hit e . T hre e p ages o utlin in g th e id ea, th e d eta ils , a nd th e lie . W hic h w as th at a h ard w ork in g a nd r e sp ecte d c o lo re d m aid h as a gre ed to le t m e i n te rv ie w h er a nd d esc rib e in s p ecif ic s w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r th e w hit e w om en o f o ur to w n.

W eig hin g it a gain st th e a lt e rn ativ e, th at I pla nned to a sk a c o lo re d w om an fo r h elp , s a yin g s h e'd a lr e ad y a gre ed to it s e em ed in fin it e ly m ore a ttr a ctiv e.

I s tr e tc hed th e c o rd in to th e p antr y , p ulle d th e s tr in g o n th e s in gle b are b ulb . T he p antr y is s h elv ed f lo or to c eilin g w it h p ic k le s a nd s o up ja rs , m ola sse s, p ut- u p v egeta b le s, a nd p re se rv es. T his w as m y o ld h ig h s c ho ol tr ic k to g et s o m e p riv acy.

" H ello ? T his is E ugenia s p eak in g." " P le ase h o ld , I 'll p ut th e c all th ro ugh." I h eard a s e rie s o f c lic k s a nd th en a fa r, fa r a w ay v o ic e, a lm ost a s d eep a s a m an's , s a y, " E la in e S te in ." " H ello ? T his is S keet- -E ugenia P hela n in M is sis sip pi? " " I k no w , M is s P hela n. I c alle d y o u." I h eard a m atc h s tr ik e, a s h o rt, s h arp in hale . " I r e ceiv ed y o ur le tte r la st w eek . I h ave s o m e c o m ments ." "Y es m a'a m ." I s a nk d ow n o nto a ta ll tin c an o f K in g B is c uit flo ur. M y h eart th um ped a s I s tr a in ed to hear h er. A p ho ne c all fr o m N ew Y ork tr u ly s o und ed a s c ra ck ly a s a th o usa nd m ile s a w ay o ught to .

"W hat g ave y o u th is id ea? A bout in te rv ie w in g d om estic h o use k eep ers . I 'm c urio us." I s a t p ara ly ze d a s e co nd . S he o ffe re d n o c hattin g o r h ello , n o in tr o ductio n o f h ers e lf . I r e aliz e d it w as best to a nsw er h er a s in str u cte d . " I w as . . . w ell, I w as r a is e d b y a c o lo re d w om an. I 'v e s e en h o w sim ple it c an b e a nd --a nd h o w c o m ple x it c an b e b etw een th e fa m ilie s a nd th e h elp ." I c le are d m y th ro at. I s o und ed s tif f, lik e I w as ta lk in g to a te acher.

"C ontin ue." "W ell, " I to ok a d eep b re ath , " I'd lik e to w rit e th is s h o w in g th e p oin t o f v ie w o f th e h elp . T he c o lo re d wom en d ow n h ere ." I tr ie d to p ic tu re C onsta ntin e's fa ce, A ib ile en's . " T hey r a is e a w hit e c hild a nd th en tw enty y ears la te r th e c hild b eco m es th e e m plo yer. I t's th at ir o ny, th at w e lo ve th em a nd th ey lo ve u s, y et . . ." I s w allo w ed , m y v o ic e tr e m blin g. " W e d on't e ven a llo w th em to u se th e to ile t in th e ho use ." Again th ere w as s ile nce.

"A nd ," I fe lt c o m pelle d to c o ntin ue, " e very o ne k no w s h o w w e w hit e p eo ple fe el, th e g lo rif ie d Mam my fig ure w ho d ed ic ate s h er w ho le lif e to a w hit e fa m ily . M arg are t M it c hell c o vere d th at. B ut no o ne e ver a sk ed M am my h o w s h e fe lt a b out it ." S w eat d rip ped d ow n m y c hest, b lo ttin g th e fr o nt of m y c o tto n b lo use .

"S o y o u w ant to s h o w a s id e th at's n ever b een e xam in ed b efo re ," M is su s S te in s a id .

"Y es. B ecause n o o ne e ver ta lk s a b out it . N o o ne ta lk s a b out a nyth in g d ow n h ere ." Ela in e S te in la ughed lik e a g ro w l. H er a ccent w as tig ht, Y ank ee. " M is s P hela n, I liv ed in A tla nta . F or six y ears w it h m y fir s t h usb and ." I la tc hed o n to th is s m all c o nnectio n. " S o . . . y o u k no w w hat it 's lik e th en." "E no ugh to g et m e o ut o f th ere ," s h e s a id , a nd I h eard h er e xhale h er s m oke. " L ook, I r e ad y o ur outlin e. I t's c erta in ly ... o rig in al, b ut it w on't w ork . W hat m aid in h er r ig ht m in d w ould e ver te ll y o u th e tr u th ?" I c o uld s e e M oth er's p in k s lip pers p ass b y th e d oor. I tr ie d to ig no re th em . I c o uld n't b elie ve M is su s Ste in w as a lr e ad y c allin g m y b lu ff. " T he fir s t in te rv ie w ee is . . . e ager to te ll h er s to ry ." "M is s P hela n," E la in e S te in s a id , a nd I k new it w asn 't a q uestio n, " th is N egro a ctu ally a gre ed to ta lk to y o u c and id ly ? A bout w ork in g fo r a w hit e fa m ily ? B ecause th at s e em s lik e a h ell o f a r is k in a pla ce lik e J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " I s a t b lin k in g. I fe lt th e fir s t fin gers o f w orry th at A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e a s e asy to c o nvin ce a s I 'd th o ught. L it tle d id I k no w w hat s h e w ould s a y to m e o n h er fr o nt s te p s th e n ext w eek . "I w atc hed th em tr y to in te gra te y o ur b us s ta tio n o n th e n ew s," M is su s S te in c o ntin ued . " T hey ja m med fif ty -fiv e N egro es in a ja il c ell b uilt fo r fo ur." I p urs e d m y lip s. " S he h as a gre ed . Y es, s h e h as." "W ell. T hat is im pre ssiv e. B ut a fte r h er, y o u r e ally th in k o th er m aid s w ill ta lk to y o u? W hat if th e em plo yers fin d o ut? " "T he in te rv ie w s w ould b e c o nd ucte d s e cre tly . S in ce, a s y o u k no w , th in gs a re a lit tle d angero us d ow n here r ig ht n o w ." T he tr u th w as, I h ad v ery lit tle id ea h o w d angero us th in gs w ere . I 'd s p ent th e p ast fo ur y ears lo ck ed a w ay in th e p ad ded r o om o f c o lle ge, r e ad in g K eats a nd E ud ora W elt y a nd worry in g o ver te rm p ap ers .

"A lit tle d angero us? " S he la ughed . " T he m arc hes in B ir m in gham , M artin L uth er K in g. D ogs a tta ck in g co lo re d c hild re n. D arlin g, it 's th e h o tte st to pic in th e n atio n. B ut, I 'm s o rry , th is w ill n ever w ork . N ot as a n a rtic le , b ecause n o S outh ern n ew sp ap er w ould p ub lis h it . A nd c erta in ly n o t a s a b ook. A b ook of in te rv ie w s w ould n ever s e ll. " "O h," I h eard m yse lf s a y. I c lo se d m y e yes, fe elin g a ll th e e xcit e m ent d ra in o ut o f m e. I h eard m yse lf sa y a gain , " O h." "I c alle d b ecause , fr a nk ly , it 's a g o od id ea. B ut . . . th ere 's n o p ossib le w ay to ta k e it to p rin t." "B ut . . . w hat if . . ." M y e yes s ta rte d d artin g a ro und th e p antr y , lo okin g fo r s o m eth in g to b rin g b ack her in te re st. M ayb e I sh ould ta lk a b out it a s a n a rtic le , m ayb e a m agazin e, b ut s h e s a id n o -- "E ugenia , w ho a re y o u ta lk in g to in th ere ?" M oth er's v o ic e c ut th o ugh th e c ra ck . S he in ched th e door o pen a nd I y ank ed it c lo se d a gain . I c o vere d th e r e ceiv er, h is se d , " I'm ta lk in g to Hilly , M oth er- -" "In th e p antr y ? Y ou'r e lik e a te enager a gain --" "I m ean--" M is su s S te in le t o ut a s h arp ts k . " I s u p pose I c o uld r e ad w hat y o u g et. G od k no w s, th e book b usin ess c o uld u se s o m e r a ttlin g." "Y ou'd d o th at? O h M is su s S te in . . ." "I'm n o t s a yin g I 'm c o nsid erin g it . B ut... d o th e in te rv ie w a nd I 'll le t y o u k no w if it 's w orth p urs u in g." I s tu tte re d a fe w u nin te llig ib le s o und s, fin ally c o m in g o ut w it h , " Thank y o u. M is su s S te in , I c an't te ll yo u h o w m uch I a p pre cia te y o ur h elp ." "D on't th ank m e y et. C all R uth , m y s e cre ta ry , if y o u n eed to g et in to uch." A nd s h e h ung u p .

I lu g a n O ld S ATC HEL to b rid ge c lu b a t E liz a b eth 's o n W ed nesd ay. I t is r e d . I t is u gly . A nd fo r to day, a t le ast, it is a p ro p.

It's th e o nly b ag in M oth er's h o use I c o uld fin d la rg e e no ugh to c arry th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs . T he le ath er is c ra ck ed a nd fla k in g, th e th ic k s h o uld er s tr a p le aves a b ro w n m ark o n m y b lo use w here th e le ath er s ta in is r u b bin g o ff. I t w as m y G ra nd m oth er C la ir e 's g ard enin g b ag. S he u se d to c arry h er gard en to ols a ro und th e y ard in it a nd th e b otto m is s till lin ed w it h s u nflo w er s e ed s. I t m atc hes ab so lu te ly n o th in g I o w n a nd I d on't c are .

"T w o w eek s," H illy s a ys to m e, h o ld in g u p tw o fin gers . " H e's c o m in g." S he s m ile s a nd I s m ile b ack .

"I'll b e r ig ht b ack ," I s a y a nd I s lip in to th e k it c hen, c arry in g m y s a tc hel w it h m e.

Aib ile en is s ta nd in g a t th e s in k . " A fte rn o on," s h e s a ys q uie tly . I t w as a w eek a go th at I v is it e d h er a t her h o use .

I s ta nd th ere a m in ute , w atc hin g h er s tir th e ic ed te a, fe elin g th e d is c o m fo rt in h er p ostu re , h er d re ad th at I m ig ht b e a b out to a sk fo r h er h elp o n th e b ook a gain . I p ull a fe w h o use k eep in g le tte rs o ut and , s e ein g th is , A ib ile en's s h o uld ers r e la x a lit tle . A s I r e ad h er a q uestio n a b out m old s ta in s, s h e pours a lit tle te a in a g la ss, ta ste s it . S he s p oons m ore s u gar in th e p it c her.

"O h, fo re I fo rg et, I g o t th e a nsw er o n th at w ate r r in g q uestio n. M in ny s a y ju st r u b y o u a lit tle mayo nnais e o n it ." A ib ile en s q ueeze s h alf a le m on in th e te a. " T hen g o o n a nd th ro w th at n o -g o od husb and o ut th e d oor." S he s tir s , ta ste s. " M in ny d on't ta k e to o w ell to h usb and s." "T hank s, I 'll p ut th at d ow n," I s a y. A s c asu ally a s I c an, I p ull a n e nvelo pe fr o m m y b ag. " A nd h ere .

I'v e b een m eanin g to g iv e y o u th is ." Aib ile en s tif fe ns b ack in to h er c autio us p ose , th e o ne s h e h ad w hen I w alk ed in . " W hat y o u g o t th ere ?" s h e s a ys w it h o ut r e achin g fo r it .

"F or y o ur h elp ," I s a y q uie tly . " I'v e p ut a w ay fiv e d olla rs fo r e very a rtic le . I t's u p to th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs no w ." Aib ile en's e yes m ove q uic k ly b ack to h er te a. " N o th ank y o u, m a'a m ." "P le ase ta k e it , y o u'v e e arn ed it ." I h ear c hair s s c ra p in g o n w ood in th e d in in g r o om , E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"P le ase , M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit if s h e fin d y o u g iv in g m e c ash ," A ib ile en w his p ers .

"S he d oesn 't h ave to k no w ." Aib ile en lo oks u p a t m e. T he w hit e s o f h er e yes a re y ello w ed , tir e d . I k no w w hat s h e's th in k in g.

"I a lr e ad y to ld y o u, I 'm s o rry , I c an't h elp y o u w it h th at b ook, M is s S keete r." I s e t th e e nvelo pe o n th e c o unte r, k no w in g I 'v e m ad e a te rrib le m is ta k e. "P le ase . F in d y o u a no th er c o lo re d m aid . A y o ung'u n. S om eb ody... e ls e ." "B ut I d on't k no w a ny o th ers w ell e no ugh." I a m te m pte d to b rin g u p th e w ord fr ie n ds, b ut I 'm n o t th at n aiv e. I k no w w e'r e n o t fr ie nd s.

Hilly 's h ead p ops th ro ugh th e d oor. " C om e o n, S keete r, I 'm fix in g to d eal, " a nd s h e d is a p pears .

"I'm b eggin g y o u," A ib ile en s a ys, " p ut th at m oney a w ay s o M is s L eefo lt d on't s e e it ." I n o d, e m barra sse d . I tu ck th e e nvelo pe in m y b ag, k no w in g w e'r e w ors e o ff th an e ver. I t's a b rib e, sh e th in k s, to g et h er to le t m e in te rv ie w h er. A b rib e d is g uis e d a s g o odw ill a nd th ank s. I 'd b een wait in g to g iv e h er th e m oney a nyw ay, o nce it a d ded u p to s o m eth in g, b ut it 's tr u e, m y tim in g to day had b een d elib era te ly p la nned . A nd n o w I 'v e s c are d h er o ff fo r g o od.

"D arlin g, ju st tr y it o n y o ur h ead . I t c o st e le ven d olla rs . I t m ust b e g o od." Moth er h as m e c o rn ere d in th e k it c hen. I g la nce a t th e d oor to th e h all, th e d oor to th e s id e p orc h.

Moth er c o m es c lo se r, th e th in g in h and , a nd I 'm d is tr a cte d b y h o w th in h er w ris ts lo ok, h o w fr a il h er arm s a re c arry in g th e h eavy g ra y m achin e. S he p ush es m e d ow n in to a c hair , n o t s o fr a il a fte r a ll, a nd sq ueeze s a n o is y, fa rty tu b e o f g o o o n m y h ead . M oth er's b een c hasin g m e w it h th e M agic S oft & Silk y S hin ala to r fo r tw o d ays n o w .

She r u b s th e c re am in m y h air w it h b oth h and s. I c an p ra ctic ally fe el th e h o pe in h er fin gers . A c re am will n o t s tr a ig hte n m y n o se o r ta k e a fo ot o ff m y h eig ht. I t w on't a d d d is tin ctio n to m y a lm ost tr a nslu cent e yeb ro w s, n o r a d d w eig ht to m y b ony fr a m e. A nd m y te eth a re a lr e ad y p erfe ctly s tr a ig ht.

So th is is a ll s h e h as le ft to fix , m y h air .

Moth er c o vers m y d rip pin g h ead w it h a p la stic c ap . S he fa ste ns a h o se fr o m th e c ap in to a s q uare machin e.

"H ow lo ng d oes th is ta k e, M oth er? " She p ic k s u p th e b ookle t w it h a s tic k y fin ger. " It s a ys h ere , 'C over w it h th e M ir a cle S tr a ig hte nin g Cap , th en tu rn o n th e m achin e a nd w ait fo r th e m ir a culo us--' " "T en m in ute s? F if te en?" I h ear a c lic k , a r is in g r u m ble , th en fe el a s lo w , in te nse w arm th o n m y h ead . B ut s u d denly th ere 's a pop!

T he tu b e is lo ose fr o m th e m achin e a nd je rk in g a ro und lik e a m ad fir e ho se . M oth er s h rie k s, gra b s a t it a nd m is se s. F in ally , s h e s n atc hes it a nd r e atta ches it .

She ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd p ic k s u p th e b ookle t a gain . " T he M ir a cle C ap m ust r e m ain o n th e h ead fo r tw o h o urs w it h o ut r e m oval o r r e su lt s --" "T w o hours ?" "I'll h ave P asc ago ula fix y o u a g la ss o f te a, d ear." M oth er p ats m e o n th e s h o uld er a nd s w is h es o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor.

For tw o h o urs , I s m oke c ig are tte s a nd r e ad Lif e m agazin e. I fin is h To K ill a M ock in gbir d .

F in ally , I pic k u p th e Ja ck so n J o urn al , p ic k th ro ugh it . I t's F rid ay, s o th ere w on't b e a M is s M yrn a c o lu m n.

On p age fo ur, I r e ad :

Boy b lin ded o ver s e g re g ate d b ath ro om , s u sp ects q uestio ned .

I t s o und s . . .

fa m ilia r. I r e m em ber th en. T his m ust b e A ib ile en's n eig hb or.

Tw ic e th is w eek , I 'v e g o ne b y E liz a b eth 's h o use h o pin g s h e w ould n't b e h o m e, s o I c o uld ta lk to Aib ile en, tr y to fin d s o m e w ay to c o nvin ce h er to h elp m e. E liz a b eth w as h unched o ver h er s e w in g machin e, in te nt o n g ettin g a n ew d re ss r e ad y fo r th e C hris tm as s e aso n, a nd it is y et a no th er g re en go w n, c heap a nd fr a il. S he m ust'v e g o tte n a s te al a t th e b arg ain b in o n g re en m ate ria l. I w is h I c o uld go d ow n to K ennin gto n's a nd c harg e h er s o m eth in g n ew b ut ju st th e o ffe r w ould e m barra ss h er to death .

"S o, d o y o u k no w w hat y o u'r e w earin g fo r th e d ate ?" H illy 'd a sk ed th e s e co nd tim e I c am e b y.

"N ext S atu rd ay?" I'd s h ru gged . " I g uess I h ave to g o s h o ppin g." Ju st th en A ib ile en b ro ught a tr a y o f c o ffe e o ut a nd s e t it o n th e ta b le .

"T hank y o u." E liz a b eth n o dded to h er.

"W hy, th ank y o u, A ib ile en," H illy s a id , s u garin g h er c up . " I te ll y o u, y o u m ak e th e b est c o lo re d co ffe e in to w n." "T hank y o u, m a'a m ." "A ib ile en," H illy c o ntin ued , " h o w d o y o u lik e y o ur n ew b ath ro om o ut th ere ? I t's n ic e to h ave a p la ce of y o ur o w n, n o w is n 't it ? " Aib ile en s ta re d a t th e c ra ck in th e d in in g ta b le . " Y es m a'a m ." "Y ou k no w , M is te r H olb ro ok a rra nged fo r th at b ath ro om , A ib ile en. S ent th e b oys o ver a nd th e eq uip m ent, to o." H illy s m ile d .

Aib ile en ju st s to od th ere a nd I w is h ed I w asn 't in th e r o om .

Ple a se , I th o ught, ple a se d on't s a y th ank y o u.

"Y es m a'a m ." A ib ile en o pened a d ra w er a nd r e ached in sid e, b ut H illy k ep t lo okin g a t h er. I t w as s o obvio us w hat s h e w ante d .

Ano th er s e co nd p asse d w it h n o o ne m ovin g. H illy c le are d h er th ro at a nd fin ally A ib ile en lo w ere d h er head . " T hank y o u, m a'a m ," s h e w his p ere d . S he w alk ed b ack in to th e k it c hen. I t's n o w ond er s h e doesn 't w ant to ta lk to m e. At n o on, M oth er r e m oves th e v ib ra tin g c ap fr o m m y h ead , w ash es th e g o o fr o m m y h air w hile I le an back in th e k it c hen s in k . S he q uic k ly r o lls u p a d oze n c urle rs , p uts m e u nd er h er h air d ry er h o od in her b ath ro om .

An h o ur la te r, I e m erg e p in k a nd s o re head ed a nd th ir s ty . M oth er s ta nd s m e in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r, pullin g o ut c urle rs . S he b ru sh es o ut th e g ia nt c ir c ula r m ound s o n m y h ead .

We s ta re , d um bfo und ed .

"H o-ly s h it ," I s a y. A ll I 'm th in k in g is , The d ate . T he b lin d d ate is n ex t w eek en d.

Moth er s m ile s, s h o ck ed . S he d oesn 't e ven s c o ld m e fo r c urs in g. M y h air lo oks g re at. T he S hin ala to r actu ally w ork ed .

ch ap te r 9 O N S ATU RD AY, th e d ay o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth , I s it fo r tw o h o urs u nd er th e S hin ala to r ( re su lt s , it s e em s, o nly la st u ntil th e n ext w ash ). W hen I 'm d ry , I g o to K ennin gto n's a nd b uy th e f la tte st s h o es I c an fin d a nd a s lim b la ck c re p e d re ss. I h ate s h o ppin g, b ut I 'm g la d fo r th e d is tr a ctio n, to n o t h ave to w orry a b out M is su s S te in o r A ib ile en fo r a n a fte rn o on. I c harg e th e e ig hty -fiv e d olla rs to M oth er's a cco unt s in ce s h e's a lw ays b eggin g m e to g o b uy n ew c lo th es.

( "S om eth in g fla tte rin g fo r y o ur siz e .

") I k no w M oth er w ould p ro fo und ly d is a p pro ve o f th e c le avage t h e d re ss e nab le s m e to h ave. I 'v e n ever o w ned a d re ss lik e th is .

I n th e K ennin gto n's p ark in g lo t I s ta rt th e c ar, b ut c anno t d riv e fo r th e s u d den p ain s in m y s to m ach. I g rip th e w hit e p ad ded s te erin g w heel, te llin g m yse lf fo r th e te nth tim e th at it 's r id ic ulo us to w is h fo r s o m eth in g I 'll n ever h ave. T o th in k I k no w th e c o lo r b lu e h is e yes a re fr o m a b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to gra p h. T o c o nsid er s o m eth in g a c hance th at is n o th in g b ut p ap er a nd fila m ent a nd p ostp oned d in ners . B ut th e d re ss, w it h m y n ew h air , it a ctu ally lo oks p re tty g o od o n m e. A nd I c an't h elp b ut h o pe.

I T W AS F O UR M ONTH S A GO w hen H illy s h o w ed m e th e p ic tu re , o ut b ack b y h er s w im min g p ool. H illy w as ta nnin g in th e s u n, I w as fa nnin g in th e m urk y s h ad e. M y h eat r a sh h ad fla re d in J u ly a nd h ad n't s u b sid ed .

" I'm b usy," I s a id . H illy s a t o n th e e d ge o f th e p ool, s a ggy a nd p ost- p re gnant fa t, in exp lic ab ly c o nfid ent in h er b la ck s w im su it . H er s to m ach w as p aunchy, b ut h er le gs, a s a lw ays, w ere th in a nd p re tty .

" I h aven't e ven to ld y o u w hen h e's c o m in g," s h e s a id . " A nd h e c o m es fr o m s u ch a g o od fa m ily ." S he w as, o f c o urs e , ta lk in g a b out h er o w n. H e w as W illia m 's s e co nd c o usin r e m oved . " J u st m eet h im a nd s e e w hat y o u th in k ." I lo oked d ow n a t th e p ic tu re a gain . H e h ad c le ar o pen e yes, lig ht b ro w n c urly h air , w as th e ta lle st in a g ro up o f m en b y a la k e. B ut h is b ody w as h alf - h id den b y th e o th ers . H e m ust n o t h ave a ll h is l im bs.

" T here 's n o th in g wro ng w it h h im ," H illy s a id . " A sk E liz a b eth , s h e m et h im a t th e B enefit la st y ear w hile y o u w ere u p a t s c ho ol. N ot to m entio n, h e d ate d P atr ic ia v an D evend er fo r fo re ver." " P atr ic ia v an D evend er? " M ost B eautif u l a t O le M is s, tw o y ears in a r o w ?

" P lu s h e s ta rte d h is o w n o il b usin ess o ver in V ic k sb urg . S o if it d oesn 't w ork o ut, it 's n o t lik e y o u'll b e r u nnin g in to h im e very d ay in to w n." " A lr ig ht," I fin ally s ig hed , m ore th an a nyth in g to g et H illy o ff m y b ack .

IT 's P A ST T H REE O 'C LO CK B Y th e tim e I g et b ack h o m e fr o m b uyin g th e d re ss. I 'm s u p pose d to b e a t H illy 's a t s ix to m eet S tu art. I c heck th e m ir ro r. T he c urls a re s ta rtin g to fr a y o n th e e nd s, b ut re st o f m y h air is s till s m ooth . M oth er w as th rille d w hen I to ld h er I w ante d to tr y th e S hin ala to r again a nd w asn 't e ven s u sp ic io us o f w hy. S he d oesn 't k no w a b out m y d ate to nig ht a nd if s h e so m eho w fin d s o ut, th e n ext th re e m onth s w ill b e fu ll o f e xcru cia tin g q uestio ns lik e " D id h e c all? " a nd "W hat d id y o u d o w ro ng?" w hen it d oesn 't w ork o ut.

Moth er's d ow nsta ir s in th e r e la xin g r o om w it h D ad dy, h o lle rin g a t th e R eb el b ask etb all te am . M y bro th er, C arlt o n, is o n th e s o fa w it h h is s h in y n ew g ir lf r ie nd . T hey d ro ve u p th is a fte rn o on fr o m L SU .

She h as a d ark s tr a ig ht p onty ta il a nd w ears a r e d b lo use .

When I g et C arlt o n a lo ne in th e k it c hen, h e la ughs, y ank s m y h air lik e w e'r e k id s a gain . " S o h o w a re yo u, s is te r? " I te ll h im a b out th e jo b a t th e p ap er, th at I 'm e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. I a ls o te ll h im h e b ette r be m ovin g b ack h o m e a fte r la w s c ho ol. " Y ou d ese rv e s o m e o f M oth er's tim e to o. I 'm ta k in g m ore th an m y fa ir s h are h ere ," I s a y th ro ugh g rit te d te eth .

He la ughs lik e h e u nd ers ta nd s, b ut h o w c o uld h e r e ally ? H e's th re e y ears o ld er th an m e a nd g re at- lo okin g, ta ll w it h w avy b lo nd h air , fin is h in g L SU la w s c ho ol, p ro te cte d b y a h und re d a nd s e venty mile s o f b ad ly p aved r o ad s.

When h e g o es b ack to h is g ir lf r ie nd , I s e arc h fo r M oth er's c ar k eys, b ut I c an't fin d th em a nyw here .

It's a lr e ad y a q uarte r to fiv e. I g o a nd s ta nd in th e d oorw ay, tr y to c atc h M oth er's a tte ntio n. I h ave to wait fo r h er to fin is h fir in g q uestio ns a t P onyta il G ir l a b out h er p eo ple a nd w here s h e's fr o m , b ut Moth er w ill n o t le t u p u ntil s h e fin d s a t le ast o ne p ers o n th ey h ave in c o m mon. A fte r th at, it 's w hat so ro rit y th e g ir l w as in a t V and erb ilt , a nd s h e fin ally c o nclu d es b y a sk in g w hat h er s ilv er p atte rn is .

It's b ette r th an a h o ro sc o pe, M oth er a lw ays s a ys.

Ponyta il G ir l s a ys h er fa m ily p atte rn is C hantilly , b ut s h e'll b e p ic k in g o ut h er o w n n ew p atte rn w hen sh e g ets m arrie d . " S in ce I c o nsid er m yse lf a n in d ep end ent th in k er a nd a ll. " C arlt o n p ets h er o n th e head a nd s h e n ud ges a gain st h is h and lik e a c at. T hey b oth lo ok u p a t m e a nd s m ile .

"S keete r," P onyta il G ir l s a ys to m e a cro ss th e r o om , " y o u'r e s o lu ck y to c o m e fr o m a F ra ncis th e Fir s t fa m ily p atte rn . W ill y o u k eep it w hen y o u g et m arrie d ?" "F ra ncis th e F ir s t is ju st d re am y," I b eam . " W hy, I p ull th o se fo rk s o ut a ll th e tim e ju st to lo ok a t th em ." Moth er n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. I m otio n h er to th e k it c hen, b ut a no th er te n m in ute s p ass u ntil s h e co m es in .

"W here in th e w orld a re y o ur k eys, M am a? I 'm la te fo r H illy 's . I 'm s ta yin g th ere to nig ht." "W hat? B ut C arlt o n's h o m e. W hat's h is n ew fr ie nd g o in g to th in k if y o u le ave fo r s o m eth in g b ette r to do?" I'v e p ut o ff te llin g h er th is b ecause I k new , w heth er C arlt o n w as h o m e o r n o t, it w ould tu rn in to a n arg um ent.

"A nd P asc ago ula m ad e a r o ast a nd D ad dy's g o t th e w ood a ll r e ad y fo r a fir e to nig ht in th e r e la xin g ro om ." "It's e ig hty -fiv e d egre es o uts id e, M am a." "N ow lo ok. Y our b ro th er is h o m e a nd I e xp ect y o u to b ehave lik e a g o od s is te r. I d on't w ant y o u le avin g u ntil y o u'v e h ad a n ic e lo ng v is it w it h th is g ir l. " S he's lo okin g a t h er w atc h w hile I r e m in d myse lf I 'm tw enty -th re e y ears o ld . " P le ase , d arlin g," s h e s a ys a nd I s ig h a nd c arry a d am n tr a y o f min t ju le p s o ut to th e o th ers .

"M am a," I s a y b ack in th e k it c hen a t fiv e tw enty -e ig ht. " I'v e g o t to g o . W here a re y o ur k eys? H illy 's wait in g o n m e." "B ut w e h aven't e ven h ad th e p ig s in a b la nk et y et." "H illy 's g o t . . . a s to m ach b ug," I w his p er. " A nd h er h elp d oesn 't c o m e in to m orro w . S he n eed s m e to w atc h th e k id s." Moth er s ig hs. " I g uess th at m eans y o u'r e g o in g to c hurc h w it h th em to o. A nd I th o ught w e c o uld a ll go to m orro w a s a fa m ily . H ave S und ay d in ner to geth er." "M am a, p le ase ," I s a y, r u m magin g th ro ugh a b ask et w here s h e k eep s h er k eys. " I c an't fin d y o ur keys anyw here .

" "Y ou c an't ta k e th e C ad illa c o vern ig ht. T hat's o ur g o od S und ay c hurc h c ar." He's g o in g to b e a t H illy 's in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'm s u p pose d to d re ss a nd d o m y m ak eup a t H illy 's s o Moth er w on't s u sp ect a nyth in g. I c an't ta k e D ad dy's n ew tr u ck . I t's fu ll o f fe rtiliz e r a nd I k no w h e'll need it a t d aw n to m orro w .

"A lr ig ht, I 'll ta k e th e o ld tr u ck , th en." "I b elie ve it h as a tr a ile r o n it . G o a sk y o ur d ad dy." But I c an't a sk D ad dy b ecause I c an't g o th ro ugh th is in fr o nt o f th re e o th er p eo ple w ho w ill lo ok a ll hurt th at I 'm le avin g, s o I g ra b th e o ld tr u ck k eys a nd s a y, " It d oesn 't m atte r. I 'm ju st g o in g s tr a ig ht to Hilly 's ," a nd I h uff o uts id e o nly to fin d th at n o t o nly d oes th e o ld tr u ck h ave a tr a ile r h it c hed to it , b ut a h alf - to n tr a cto r o n to p o f th at tr a ile r.

So I d riv e in to to w n fo r m y fir s t d ate in tw o y ears in a r e d 1 941 C hevro le t fo ur- o n-th e-flo or w it h a Jo hn D eere m oto r g ra d er h o oked b ehin d m e. T he e ngin e s p utte rs a nd c hurn s a nd I w ond er if th e tr u ck w ill m ak e it . C hunk s o f m ud s p ra y b ehin d m e o ff th e tir e s. T he e ngin e s ta lls o n th e m ain r o ad , se nd in g m y d re ss a nd b ag fly in g o nto th e d ir ty flo or. I h ave to r e sta rt tw ic e.

At fiv e fo rty -fiv e, a b la ck th in g s tr e ak s o ut in fr o nt o f m e a nd I fe el a th unk . I tr y to s to p b ut bra k in g's ju st n o t s o m eth in g y o u c an d o v ery q uic k ly w it h a 1 0,0 00-p ound p ie ce o f m achin ery behin d y o u. I g ro an a nd p ull o ver. I h ave to g o c heck . R em ark ab ly , th e c at s ta nd s u p , lo oks a ro und stu nned , a nd s h o ots b ack in to th e w oods a s q uic k ly a s it c am e.

At th re e m in ute s to s ix , a fte r d oin g tw enty in a fif ty w it h h o rn s h o nk in g a nd te enagers h o lle rin g a t m e, I p ark d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m H illy 's h o use s in ce H illy 's c ul- d e-sa c d oesn 't p ro vid e a d eq uate p ark in g fo r fa rm e q uip m ent. I g ra b m y b ag a nd r u n in sid e w it h o ut e ven k no ck in g, a ll o ut o f b re ath a nd sw eaty a nd w in d blo w n a nd th ere th ey a re , th e th re e o f th em , in clu d in g m y d ate . H avin g h ig hb alls in th e fr o nt liv in g r o om .

I fr e eze in th e e ntr a nce h all w it h a ll o f th em lo okin g a t m e. W illia m a nd S tu art b oth s ta nd u p . G od, he's ta ll, h as a t le ast fo ur in ches o ver m e. H illy 's e yes a re b ig w hen s h e g ra b s m y a rm . " B oys, w e'll be r ig ht b ack . Y 'a ll ju st s it tig ht a nd ta lk a b out q uarte rb ack s o r s o m eth in g." Hilly w his k s m e o ff to h er d re ssin g r o om a nd w e b oth s ta rt g ro anin g. I t's ju st s o g o ddam n a w fu l.

"S keete r, y o u d on't e ven h ave lip stic k o n! Y our h air lo oks lik e a r a t's n est! " "I k no w , lo ok a t m e!" A ll tr a ces o f th e S hin ala to r's m ir a cle a re g o ne. " T here 's n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g in th e tr u ck . I h ad to r id e w it h th e d am n w in d ow s d ow n." I s c ru b m y fa ce a nd H illy s it s m e in h er d re ssin g r o om c hair . S he s ta rts c o m bin g m y h air o ut th e w ay my m oth er u se d to d o, tw is tin g it in to th ese g ia nt r o lle rs , s p ra yin g it w it h F in al N et.

"W ell? W hat d id y o u th in k o f h im ?" s h e a sk s.

I s ig h a nd c lo se m y u nm asc ara ed e yes. " H e lo oks h and so m e." I s m ear th e m ak eup o n, s o m eth in g I h ard ly e ven k no w h o w to d o. H illy lo oks a t m e a nd s m ud ges it off w it h a tis su e, r e ap plie s it . I s lip in to th e b la ck d re ss w it h th e d eep V in th e fr o nt, th e b la ck Delm an fla ts . H illy q uic k ly b ru sh es o ut m y h air . I w ash m y a rm pit s w it h a w et r a g a nd s h e r o lls h er eyes a t m e.

"I h it a ca t ," I s a y.

"H e's a lr e ad y h ad tw o d rin k s w ait in g o n y o u." I s ta nd u p a nd s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " A lr ig ht," I s a y, " g iv e it to m e. O ne to te n." Hilly lo oks m e u p a nd d ow n, s to ps o n th e d ip in th e fr o nt o f th e d re ss. S he r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. I 'v e never s h o w n c le avage b efo re in m y lif e ; k in d o f fo rg o t I h ad it .

"S ix ," s h e s a ys, lik e s h e is s u rp ris e d h ers e lf .

We ju st lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . H illy le ts o ut a lit tle s q ueal a nd I s m ile b ack . H illy 's n ever g iv en me h ig her th an a fo ur. When w e c o m e b ack in to th e fr o nt liv in g r o om , W illia m 's p oin tin g h is fin ger a t S tu art. " I'm g o in g to ru n fo r th at s e at a nd b y G od, w it h y o ur d ad dy's --" "S tu art W hit w orth ," H illy a nno unces, " I'd lik e to in tr o duce S keete r P hela n." He s ta nd s u p , a nd fo r a m in ute m y h ead is p erfe ctly q uie t in sid e. I m ak e m yse lf lo ok, lik e s e lf - in flic te d to rtu re , a s h e ta k es m e in .

"S tu art h ere w ent to s c ho ol o ver a t th e U niv ers it y o f A la b am a," W illia m s a ys, a d din g, " R oll T id e." "N ic e to m eet y o u." S tu art flip s m e a b rie f s m ile . T hen h e ta k es a lo ng s lu rp o f h is d rin k u ntil I h ear th e ic e c lin k a gain st h is te eth . " S o w here w e o ff to ?" h e a sk s W illia m .

We ta k e W illia m 's O ld sm obile to th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. S tu art o pens m y d oor a nd s it s b esid e m e in th e b ack , b ut th en le ans o ver th e s e at ta lk in g to W illia m a b out d eer s e aso n th e r e st o f th e r id e.

At th e ta b le , h e p ulls o ut m y c hair fo r m e a nd I s it , s m ile , s a y th ank y o u.

"Y ou w ant a d rin k ?" h e a sk s m e, n o t lo okin g m y w ay.

"N o, th ank s. J u st w ate r, p le ase ." He tu rn s to th e w ait e r a nd s a ys, " D oub le O ld K entu ck y s tr a ig ht w it h a w ate r b ack ." I g uess it 's s o m e tim e a fte r h is fif th b ourb on, I s a y, " S o H illy te lls m e y o u'r e in th e o il b usin ess. T hat must b e in te re stin g." "T he m oney's g o od. I f th at's w hat y o u r e ally w ant to k no w ." "O h, I d id n't . . ." B ut I s to p b ecause h e's c ra nin g h is n eck a t s o m eth in g. I lo ok u p a nd s e e h e's sta rin g a t a w om an w ho 's a t th e d oor, a b usty b lo nd e w it h r e d lip stic k a nd a tig ht g re en d re ss.

Willia m tu rn s to s e e w hat S tu art's lo okin g a t, b ut h e s w in gs b ack a ro und q uic k ly . H e s h ak es h is h ead no , v ery s lig htly , a t S tu art a nd I s e e, h ead in g o ut th e d oor, it 's H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd , J o hnny F oote , wit h h is n ew w if e , C elia . T hey le ave a nd W illia m a nd I g la nce a t e ach o th er, s h arin g o ur r e lie f th at Hilly d id n't s e e th em .

"L ord , th at g ir l's h o t a s T unic a b la ck to p," S tu art s a ys u nd er h is b re ath a nd I s u p pose th at's w hen I ju st s to p c arin g w hat h ap pens.

At s o m e p oin t, H illy lo oks a t m e to s e e w hat's g o in g o n. I s m ile lik e e very th in g's fin e a nd s h e s m ile s back , h ap py to s e e it 's a ll w ork in g o ut. " W illia m ! T he lie ute nant g o vern o r ju st w alk ed in . L et's g o sp eak b efo re h e s it s d ow n." They g o o ff to geth er, le avin g u s, th e tw o lo veb ir d s s it tin g o n th e s a m e s id e o f th e ta b le , s ta rin g a t a ll th e h ap py c o up le s in th e r o om .

"S o," h e s a ys, h ard ly tu rn in g h is h ead . " Y ou e ver g o to a ny o f th e A la b am a fo otb all g am es? " I n ever e ven m ad e it to C olo nel F ie ld a nd th at w as fiv e th o usa nd y ard s fr o m m y b ed . " N o, I 'm n o t re ally a fo otb all fa n." I lo ok a t m y w atc h. I t's h ard ly s e ven fif te en.

"T hat s o ." H e e yes th e d rin k th e w ait e r h as h and ed h im lik e h e'd r e ally e njo y d ow nin g it . " W ell, w hat do y o u d o w it h y o ur tim e?" "I w rit e a . . . d om estic m ain te nance c o lu m n fo r th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

" He w rin k le s h is b ro w , th en la ughs. " D om estic m ain te nance. Y ou m ean . . . h o use k eep in g?" I n o d.

"J e su s." H e s tir s h is d rin k . " I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g w ors e th an r e ad in g a c o lu m n o n h o w to c le an ho use ," h e s a ys, a nd I n o tic e th at h is fr o nt to oth is th e s lig hte st b it c ro oked . I lo ng to p oin t th is im perfe ctio n o ut to h im , b ut h e fin is h es h is th o ught w it h , " E xcep t m ayb e w rit in g it ." I ju st s ta re a t h im .

"S ound s lik e a p lo y to m e, to fin d a h usb and . B eco m in g a n e xp ert o n k eep in g h o use ." "W ell, y o u m ust b e a g eniu s. Y ou'v e fig ure d o ut m y w ho le s c hem e." "Is n 't th at w hat y o u w om en fr o m O le M is s m ajo r in ? P ro fe ssio nal h usb and h untin g?" I w atc h h im , d um bfo und ed . I m ay n o t'v e h ad a d ate in u m pte en y ears , b ut w ho d oes h e th in k h e is ?

"I'm s o rry , b ut w ere y o u d ro pped o n y o ur h ead a s a n in fa nt? " He b lin k s a t m e, th en la ughs fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht.

"N ot th at it 's a ny o f y o ur b usin ess," I s a y, " b ut I h ad to s ta rt s o m ew here if I p la n o n b ein g a jo urn alis t." I th in k I 'v e a ctu ally im pre sse d h im . B ut th en h e th ro w s b ack th e d rin k a nd th e lo ok is go ne.

We e at d in ner, a nd fr o m h is p ro file I c an s e e h is n o se is a lit tle p oin ty . H is e yeb ro w s a re to o th ic k , and h is lig ht b ro w n h air to o c o ars e . W e s a y lit tle e ls e , to e ach o th er a t le ast. H illy c hats , th ro w in g th in gs o ur w ay lik e, " S tu art, S keete r h ere liv es o n a p la nta tio n ju st n o rth o f to w n. D id n't th e s e nato r gro w u p o n a p eanut fa rm ?" Stu art o rd ers y et a no th er d rin k .

When H illy a nd I g o to th e b ath ro om , s h e g iv es m e a h o pefu l s m ile . " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" "H e's . . . ta ll, " I s a y, s u rp ris e d s h e h asn 't n o tic ed th at n o t o nly is m y d ate in exp lic ab ly r u d e, b ut dro p-d ead d ru nk .

The e nd o f th e m eal fin ally c o m es a nd h e a nd W illia m s p lit th e c heck . S tu art s ta nd s u p a nd h elp s m e wit h m y ja ck et. A t le ast h e h as n ic e m anners .

"J e su s, I 'v e n ever m et a w om an w it h s u ch lo ng a rm s," h e s a ys. "W ell, I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody w it h s u ch a d rin k in g p ro ble m ." "Y our c o at s m ells lik e--" H e le ans d ow n a nd s n if fs it , g rim acin g. " Fertiliz e r.

" He s tr id es o ff to th e m en's r o om a nd I w is h I c o uld d is a p pear.

The c ar r id e, a ll th re e m in ute s o f it , is im possib ly s ile nt. A nd lo ng.

We g o b ack in sid e H illy 's h o use . Y ule M ay c o m es o ut in h er w hit e u nif o rm , s a ys, " T hey a ll fin e, w ent to b ed g o od," a nd s h e s lip s o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor. I e xcuse m yse lf to th e b ath ro om .

"S keete r, w hy d on't y o u d riv e S tu art h o m e?" W illia m s a ys w hen I c o m e o ut. " I'm b ush ed , a re n't y o u, Hilly ?" Hilly 's lo okin g a t m e lik e s h e's tr y in g to fig ure o ut w hat I w ant to d o. I th o ught I 'd m ad e it o bvio us when I s ta yed in th e b ath ro om fo r te n m in ute s.

"Y our . . . c ar's n o t h ere ?" I a sk th e a ir in fr o nt o f S tu art.

"I d on't b elie ve m y c o usin 's in a p osit io n to d riv e." W illia m la ughs. E very o ne's q uie t a gain .

"I c am e in a tr u ck ," I s a y. " I'd h ate fo r y o u to . . ." "S ho ot," W illia m s a ys, s la p pin g S tu art o n th e b ack . " S tu art d oesn 't m in d r id in g in a tr u ck , d o y o u, bud dy?" "W illia m ," H illy s a ys, " w hy d on't y o u d riv e a nd , S keete r, y o u c an r id e a lo ng." "N ot m e, I 'm to o b ooze d u p m yse lf ," W illia m s a ys e ven th o ugh h e ju st d ro ve u s h o m e.

Fin ally , I ju st w alk o ut th e d oor. S tu art fo llo w s m e, d oesn 't c o m ment th at I d id n't p ark in fr o nt o f Hilly 's h o use o r in H illy 's d riv ew ay. W hen w e g et to m y tr u ck , w e b oth s to p, s ta re a t th e fif te en-fo ot tr a cto r h o oked b ehin d m y v ehic le .

"Y ou p ulle d th at th in g a ll b y y o urs e lf ? " I s ig h. I g uess it 's b ecause I 'm a b ig p ers o n a nd h ave n ever fe lt p etit e o r p artic ula rly fe m in in e o r g ir ly , but th at tr a cto r. I t ju st s e em s to s u m u p s o m uch.

"T hat is th e fu nnie st d am n lo okin g th in g I h ave e ver s e en," h e s a ys.

I s te p a w ay fr o m h im . " H illy c an ta k e y o u," I s a y. " H illy w ill d riv e y o u." H e tu rn s a nd fo cuse s o n m e fo r w hat, I 'm p re tty s u re , is th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht. A fte r s e vera l lo ng m om ents o f s ta nd in g th ere b ein g lo oked a t, m y e yes fill w it h te ars . I 'm ju st s o tir e d .

"A h, s h it ," h e s a ys a nd h is b ody lo ose ns. " L ook, I to ld H illy I w asn 't r e ad y fo r a ny d am n d ate ." "D on't . . ." I s a y, b ack in g a w ay fr o m h im , a nd I h ead b ack to th e h o use .

SU N DAY M ORN IN G I G ET u p E A RLY , b efo re H illy a nd W illia m , b efo re th e k id s a nd th e c hurc h tr a ffic . I d riv e h o m e w it h th e tr a cto r r u m blin g b ehin d m e. T he fe rtiliz e r s m ell g iv es m e a h ango ver even th o ugh I h ad n o th in g b ut w ate r la st n ig ht.

I'd g o ne b ack in H illy 's h o use la st n ig ht, S tu art tr a ilin g b ehin d m e. K no ck in g o n H illy 's b ed ro om door, I a sk ed W illia m , w ho a lr e ad y h ad a m outh fu ll o f to oth p aste , w ould h e m in d d riv in g S tu art ho m e. I 'd w alk ed u p sta ir s to th e g uest r o om b efo re h e e ven a nsw ere d .

I s te p o ver D ad dy's d ogs o n th e p orc h, g o in to m y p are nts ' h o use . A s s o on a s I s e e M oth er, I g iv e her a h ug. W hen s h e tr ie s to le t g o , I c an't le t h er.

"W hat is it , S keete r? Y ou d id n't c atc h H illy 's s to m ach b ug, d id y o u?" "N o, I 'm fin e." I w is h I c o uld te ll h er a b out m y n ig ht. I fe el g uilt y fo r n o t b ein g n ic er to h er, fo r n o t need in g h er u ntil m y o w n lif e tu rn s b ad . I fe el b ad fo r w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere in ste ad .

Moth er p ats m y w in d blo w n h air d ow n s in ce it m ust b e a d din g a t le ast tw o in ches to m y h eig ht. " Y ou su re y o u'r e n o t fe elin g b ad ?" "I'm a lr ig ht, M am a." I a m to o tir e d to r e sis t. I a che lik e s o m eo ne k ic k ed m e in th e s to m ach. W it h boots o n. I t w on't g o a w ay.

"Y ou k no w ," s h e s a ys, s m ilin g, " I th in k th is m ig ht b e th e o ne fo r C arlt o n." "G ood, M am a," I s a y. " I'm r e ally g la d fo r h im ." AT E LEV EN O 'C LO CK th e n ext m orn in g, th e p ho ne r in gs. L uck ily , I 'm in th e k it c hen a nd p ic k it up .

"M is s S keete r? " I s ta nd v ery s till, th en lo ok o ut a t M oth er e xam in in g h er c heck book a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

Pasc ago ula is p ullin g a r o ast o ut o f th e o ven. I g o in to th e p antr y a nd s h ut th e d oor.

"A ib ile en?" I w his p er.

She's q uie t a s e co nd a nd th en s h e b lu rts it o ut. " W hat if - -w hat if y o u d on't lik e w hat I g o t to s a y? I mean, a b out w hit e p eo ple s." "I- -I . . . th is is n 't a b out m y o pin io n," I s a y. " It d oesn 't m atte r h o w I fe el. " "B ut h o w I k no w y o u a in 't g o ne g et m ad , tu rn a ro und o n m e?" "I d on't . . . I g uess y o u'll ju st h ave to . . . tr u st m e." I h o ld m y b re ath , h o pin g, w ait in g. T here is a lo ng p ause .

"L aw h ave m erc y. I r e ck on I 'm o n d o it ." " Aib ile en .

" M y h eart is p ound in g. " Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch I a p pre cia te --" "M is s S keete r, w e g o ne h ave to b e r e al c are fu l. " "W e w ill, I pro m is e .

" "A nd y o u g o ne h ave to c hange m y n am e. M in e, M is s L eefo lt 's , e verb ody's ." "O f c o urs e ." I s h o uld 'v e m entio ned th is . " W hen c an w e m eet? Where c an w e m eet? " "C an't d o it in th e w hit e n eig hb orh o od, th at's fo r s u re . I g uess . . . w e g o ne h ave to d o it o ver a t m y ho use ." "D o y o u k no w a ny o th er m aid s w ho m ig ht b e in te re ste d ?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh M is su s S te in h as o nly agre ed to r e ad o ne. B ut I h ave to b e r e ad y, o n th e s lim c hance s h e lik es it .

Aib ile en is q uie t a m om ent. " I g uess I c o uld a sk M in ny. B ut s h e a in 't r e al k een o n ta lk in g to w hit e peo ple s." "M in ny? Y ou m ean . . . M is su s W alt e rs ' o ld m aid ," I s a y, fe elin g s u d denly h o w in cestu o us th is is tu rn in g. I w ould n't ju st b e p eerin g in to E liz a b eth 's lif e , b ut H illy 's to o.

"M in ny g o t h er s o m e s to rie s. S ho n uff." "A ib ile en," I s a y. " T hank y o u. O h, th ank y o u." "Y es m a'a m ." "I ju st . . . I h ave to a sk y o u. W hat c hanged y o ur m in d ?" Aib ile en d oesn 't e ven p ause . " M is s H illy ," s h e s a ys.

I g o q uie t, th in k in g o f H illy 's b ath ro om p la n a nd a ccusin g th e m aid o f s te alin g a nd h er ta lk o f dis e ase s. T he n am e c o m es o ut fla t, b it te r a s a b ad p ecan.

MIN NY ch ap te r 1 0 I W ALK I N TO W ORK w it h o ne th in g o n m y m in d . T oday is th e fir s t d ay o f D ecem ber a nd w hile t h e r e st o f th e U nit e d S ta te s is d ustin g o ff th eir m anger s c enes a nd p ullin g o ut th eir o ld s tin k y s to ck in gs, I 'v e g o t a no th er m an I 'm w ait in g o n. A nd it 's n o t S anty C la us a nd it 's n o t th e B ab y J e su s.

I t's M is te r J o hnny F oote , J r., w ho w ill le arn th at M in ny J a ck so n is h is m aid o n C hris tm as E ve.

I a m w ait in g o n th e tw enty -fo urth lik e a c o urt d ate . I d on't k no w w hat M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to d o w hen h e fin d s o ut I 'm w ork in g h ere . M ayb e h e'll s a y, G ood! C om e c le an m y k it c hen a nytim e!

H ere 's s o m e m oney! B ut I 'm n o t th at s tu p id . T his s e cre t- k eep in g is w ay to o fis h y fo r h im to b e s o m e s m ilin g w hit e y w antin g to g iv e m e a r a is e . T here 's a g o od c hance I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b c o m e C hris tm as D ay.

I t's e atin g m e u p , n o t k no w in g, b ut w hat I d o k no w is , a m onth a go , I d ecid ed th ere h ad to b e a m ore d ig nif ie d w ay to d ie th an h avin g a h eart a tta ck s q uattin g o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t lid . A nd a fte r a ll th at, it w asn 't e ven M is te r J o hnny th at c am e h o m e, it w as ju st th e d am n m ete r m an.

B ut th ere w asn 't m uch r e lie f w hen it w as o ver. W hat s c are d m e w ors e w as M is s C elia . A fte rw ard s, d urin g h er c o okin g le sso n, s h e w as s till s h ak in g s o b ad , s h e c o uld n't e ven m easu re th e s a lt in a s p oon.

M ONDAY C O M ES a nd I c an'T s to p th in k in g a b out L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n, R obert. H e g o t o ut o f th e h o sp it a l th is w eek end , w ent to liv e w it h L ouvenia , w hat w it h h is p are nts a lr e ad y d ead a nd a ll. L ast n ig ht, w hen I w ent o ver th ere to ta k e th em a c ara m el c ak e, R obert h ad a c ast o n h is a rm a nd b and ages o ver h is e yes. " O h, Louven ia ," w as a ll I c o uld s a y w hen I s a w h im . R obert w as la id u p o n th e s o fa a sle ep . T hey'd s h aved h alf h is h ead to o pera te . L ouvenia , w it h a ll h er tr o ub le s, s till w ante d to k no w h o w e ach a nd e very p ers o n in m y fa m ily w as d oin g. A nd w hen R obert s ta rte d to s tir , s h e a sk ed if I w ould n't m in d g o in g o n h o m e b ecause R obert w ak es u p s c re am in g. T errif ie d a nd r e m em berin g a ll o ver a gain th at h e's b lin d . S he th o ught it m ig ht b oth er m e. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out i t .

" I'm g o in g to th e s to re a fte r w hile ," I s a y to M is s C elia . I h o ld th e g ro cery lis t o ut fo r h er to s e e.

E very M ond ay w e d o th is . S he g iv es m e th e g ro cery c ash a nd w hen I g et h o m e I p ush th e r e ceip t in h er fa ce. I w ant h er to s e e th at e very p enny o f c hange m atc hes th e p ap er. M is s C elia ju st s h ru gs b ut I k eep th o se tic k ets s a fe in a d ra w er in c ase th ere 's e ver a ny q uestio n.

M in ny c o okin g:

1 . H am w it h p in eap ple s 2 . B la ck -e yed p eas 3 . S w eet p ota to es 4 . A pple p ie 5 . B is c uit s Mis s C elia c o okin g:

1. B utte r b eans "B ut I d id b utte r b eans la st w eek ." "L earn th o se , e very th in g e ls e c o m e e asy." "I g uess it 's b ette r a nyw ay," s h e s a ys. " I c an s it d ow n a nd b e s till w hen I 'm s h ellin g." Alm ost th re e m onth s a nd th e fo ol s till c an't b oil c o ffe e. I p ull o ut m y p ie d ough, w ant to g et it r e ad y befo re I g o to th e s to re .

"C an w e d o a c ho co la te p ie th is tim e? I lo ve c ho co la te p ie ." I g rit m y te eth . " I d on't k no w h o w to c o ok n o c ho co la te p ie ," I lie .

Nev er. N ev er a gain a fte r M is s Hilly .

"Y ou c an't ? G osh , I th o ught y o u c o uld c o ok a nyth in g. M ayb e w e o ught to g et u s a r e cip e." "W hat e ls e k in d a p ie y o u th in k in g a b out? " "W ell, w hat a b out th at p each p ie y o u d id th at tim e?" s h e s a ys, p ourin g a g la ss o f m ilk . " T hat w as r e al go od." "T hem p eaches fr o m M exic o . P eaches a in 't in s e aso n a ro und h ere y et." "B ut I s a w th em a d vertis e d in th e p ap er." I s ig h. N oth in g is e asy w it h h er, b ut a t le ast s h e's o ff th e c ho co la te . " O ne th in g y o u g o t to k no w , th in gs is b est w hen th ey in s e aso n. Y ou d on't c o ok p um pkin s in th e s u m mer, y o u d on't c o ok p eaches in th e fa ll. Y ou c an't fin d it s e llin g o n th e s id e a th e r o ad , it a in 't in . L et's ju st d o u s a n ic e p ecan p ie in ste ad ." "A nd J o hnny lo ved th o se p ra lin es y o u d id . H e th o ught I w as th e s m arte st g ir l h e'd e ver m et w hen I gave h im th o se ." I tu rn b ack to m y d ough s o s h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. T w ic e in a m in ute s h e's m anaged to ir rit a te m e.

"A nyth in g e ls e y o u w ant M is te r J o hnny to th in k y o u d id ?" B esid es b ein g s c are d o ut o f m y w it s , I a m sic k a nd tir e d o f p assin g o ff m y c o okin g fo r s o m eb ody e ls e 's . E xcep t m y k id s, m y c o okin g's th e o nly th in g I 'm p ro ud o f.

"N o, th at's a ll. " M is s C elia s m ile s, d oesn 't n o tic e I 'v e s tr e tc hed m y p ie c ru st to w here fiv e h o le s r ip th ro ugh. J u st tw enty -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is s h it . I a m p ra yin g to th e L ord a nd th e d evil o n th e s id e th at M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't c o m e h o m e b efo re th en. EV ERY O TH ER D AY, I h ear M is s C elia o n th e p ho ne in h er r o om , c allin g a nd c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s. T he B enefit w as th re e w eek s a go a nd h ere s h e is a lr e ad y g unnin g u p fo r n ext y ear. S he a nd Mis te r J o hnny d id n't g o o r I w ould 'v e h eard p le nty a b out it .

I d id n't w ork th e B enefit th is y ear, fir s t tim e in a d ecad e. T he m oney's p re tty g o od, b ut I ju st c o uld n't ris k r u nnin g in to M is s H illy .

"C ould y o u te ll h er C elia F oote c alle d a gain ? I le ft h er a m essa ge a fe w d ays b ack . . ." Mis s C elia 's v o ic e is c hip per, lik e s h e's p ed dlin g s o m eth in g o n th e te e-v ee. E very tim e I h ear it , I want to je rk th e p ho ne o ut o f h er h and , te ll h er to q uit w astin g h er tim e. B ecause n ever m in d s h e lo oks lik e a h ussy. T here 's a b ig ger r e aso n w hy M is s C elia d oesn 't h ave a ny fr ie nd s a nd I k new it th e m in ute I s a w th at p ic tu re o f M is te r J o hnny. I 'v e s e rv ed e no ugh b rid ge c lu b lu ncheo ns to k no w so m eth in g a b out e very w hit e w om an in th is to w n. M is te r J o hnny d um ped M is s H illy fo r M is s C elia back in c o lle ge, a nd M is s H illy n ever g o t o ver h im .

I W alk in T H E C HURC H o n W ed nesd ay n ig ht. I t's n o t b ut h alf fu ll s in ce it 's o nly a q uarte r to s e ven and th e c ho ir d oesn 't s ta rt s in gin g u ntil s e ven th ir ty . B ut A ib ile en a sk ed m e to c o m e e arly s o h ere I am . I 'm c urio us w hat s h e h as to s a y. P lu s L ero y w as in a g o od m ood a nd p la yin g w it h th e k id s s o I fig ure , if h e w ants th em , h e c an h ave th em .

I s e e A ib ile en in o ur u su al p ew , le ft s id e, fo urth fr o m th e fr o nt, r ig ht b y th e w in d ow fa n. W e'r e p rim e mem bers a nd w e d ese rv e a p rim e s p ot. S he's g o t h er h air s m ooth ed b ack , a lit tle r o ll o f p encil c urls aro und h er n eck . S he's w earin g a b lu e d re ss w it h b ig w hit e b utto ns th at I 'v e n ever s e en b efo re .

Aib ile en h as w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o. W hit e la d ie s lo ve g iv in g h er th eir o ld s tu ff. A s u su al, sh e lo oks p lu m p a nd r e sp ecta b le , b ut fo r a ll h er p rim a nd p ro per, A ib ile en c an s till te ll a d ir ty jo ke th at'll m ak e y o u tin k le in y o ur p ants .

I w alk u p th e a is le , s e e A ib ile en fr o w n a t s o m eth in g, c re asin g h er fo re head . F or a s e co nd I c an s e e th e fif te en-o dd y ears b etw een u s. B ut th en s h e s m ile s a nd h er fa ce g o es y o ung a nd fa t a gain .

"L ord ," I s a y a s s o on a s I 'm s e ttle d in .

"I k no w . S om eb ody g o t to te ll h er." A ib ile en fa ns h er fa ce w it h h er h ank y. I t w as K ik i B ro w n's morn in g fo r c le anin g a nd th e w ho le c hurc h is g aud ie d u p w it h h er le m on s m ell- g o od s h e m ak es a nd tr ie s to s e ll fo r tw enty -fiv e c ents a b ottle . W e h ave a s ig n-u p s h eet fo r c le anin g th e c hurc h. A sk m e, Kik i B ro w n o ught to s ig n a lit tle le ss a nd th e m en o ught to s ig n a lo t m ore . F ar a s I k no w , n o m an has s ig ned th at s h eet o nce.

Besid es th e s m ell, th e c hurc h lo oks p re tty g o od. K ik i s h in ed th e p ew s to w here y o u c o uld p ic k y o ur te eth lo okin g a t th em . T he C hris tm as tr e e's a lr e ad y u p , n ext to th e a lt a r, fu ll o f tin se l a nd a s h in y g o ld sta r o n to p. T hre e w in d ow s o f th e c hurc h h ave s ta in ed g la ss--th e b ir th o f C hris t, L aza ru s r a is e d fr o m th e d ead , a nd th e te achin g o f th o se fo ol P haris e es. T he o th er s e ven a re fille d w it h r e gula r c le ar panes. W e'r e s till r a is in g m oney fo r th o se .

"H ow B enny's a sth m a?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"H ad a lit tle s p ell y este rd ay. L ero y d ro ppin g h im a nd th e r e st a th e k id s b y in a w hile . L et's h o pe th e le m on d on't k ill h im ." "L ero y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead a nd la ughs. " T ell h im I s a id h e b ette r b ehave. O r I p ut h im o n m y pra yer lis t." "I w is h y o u w ould . O h L ord , h id e th e fo od." Hoit y -to it y B ertr in a B esse m er w ad dle s to w ard u s. S he le ans o ver th e p ew in fr o nt o f u s, s m illin g wit h a b ig , ta ck y b lu e-b ir d h at o n. B ertr in a, s h e's th e o ne w ho c alle d A ib ile en a fo ol fo r a ll th o se years .

"M in ny," B ertr in a s a ys, " I s u re w as g la d to h ear a b out y o ur n ew jo b." "T hank y o u, B ertr in a." "A nd A ib ile en, I th ank y o u fo r p uttin g m e o n y o ur p ra yer lis t. M y a ngin a s u re is b ette r n o w . I c all yo u th is w eek end a nd w e c atc h u p ." Aib ile en s m ile s, n o ds. B ertr in a w ad dle s o ff to h er p ew .

"M ayb e y o u o ught a b e a lit tle p ic k ie r w ho y o u p ra y fo r," I s a y.

"A w , I a in 't m ad a t h er n o m ore ," s a ys A ib ile en. " A nd lo ok a th ere , s h e d one lo st s o m e w eig ht." "S he te llin g e very b ody s h e lo st fo rty p ound s," I s a y.

"L ord a m erc y." "O nly g o t tw o h und re d m ore to g o ." Aib ile en tr ie s n o t to s m ile , a cts lik e s h e's w avin g a w ay th e le m on s m ell.

"S o w hat y o u w ant m e to c o m e e arly fo r? " I a sk . " Y ou m is s m e o r s o m eth in g?" "N aw , it 's n o b ig d eal. J u st s o m eth in g s o m eb ody s a id ." "W hat? " Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , lo oks a ro und fo r a nyb ody lis te nin g. W e'r e lik e r o yalt y h ere . F olk s a re alw ays h em min g in o n u s.

"Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " s h e a sk s.

"I to ld y o u I d id th e o th er d ay." She q uie ts h er v o ic e, s a ys, " W ell, r e m em ber h o w I s lip ped u p a nd to ld h er a b out T re elo re w rit in g co lo re d th in gs d ow n?" "I r e m em ber. S he w ant a s u e y o u fo r th at? " "N o, n o . S he n ic e. B ut s h e h ad th e g all to a sk if m e a nd s o m e a m y m aid fr ie nd s m ig ht w ant a p ut dow n o n p ap er w hat it 's lik e to te nd fo r w hit e p eo ple . S ay s h e w rit in g a b ook." "S ay w hat? " Aib ile en n o ds, r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. " M m-h m m." "P hhh. W ell, y o u te ll h er it 's a r e al F ourth o f J u ly p ic nic . I t's w hat w e d re am a d oin g a ll w eek end , g et back in th ey h o use s to p olis h th ey s ilv er," I s a y.

"I to ld h er, le t th e r e gula r o ld h is to ry b ooks te ll it . W hit e p eo ple b een r e p re se ntin g c o lo re d o pin io ns sin ce th e b egin nin g a tim e." "T hat's r ig ht. Y ou te ll h er." "I d id . I te ll h er s h e c ra zy," A ib ile en s a ys. " I a sk h er, w hat if w e to ld th e tr u th ? H ow w e to o s c are d to a sk fo r m in im um w age. H ow n o body g ets p aid th ey S ocia l S ecurit y . H ow it fe el w hen y o ur o w n boss b e c allin g y o u . . ." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . I 'm g la d s h e d oesn 't s a y it .

"H ow w e lo ve th ey k id s w hen th ey lit tle . . ." s h e s a ys a nd I s e e A ib ile en's lip tr e m ble a lit tle . " A nd th en th ey tu rn o ut ju st lik e th ey m am as." I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e A ib ile en's g rip pin g h er b la ck p ock etb ook lik e it 's th e o nly th in g s h e h as le ft in th is w orld . A ib ile en, s h e m oves o n to a no th er jo b w hen th e b ab ie s g et to o o ld a nd s to p b ein g c o lo r- blin d . W e d on't ta lk a b out it .

"E ven if s h e is c hangin g a ll th e n am es a th e h elp a nd th e w hit e la d ie s," s h e s n if f.

"S he c ra zy if s h e th in k w e d o s o m eth in g d angero us a s th at. F or her ." "W e d on't w ant a b rin g a ll th at m ess u p ." A ib ile en w ip es h er n o se w it h a h ank ie . " T ell p eo ple th e tr u th ." "N o, w e d on't ," I s a y, b ut I s to p. I t's s o m eth in g a b out th at w ord tr u th .

I 'v e b een tr y in g to te ll w hit e wom en th e tr u th a b out w ork in g fo r th em s in ce I w as fo urte en y ears o ld .

"W e d on't w ant a c hange n o th in g a ro und h ere ," A ib ile en s a ys a nd w e'r e b oth q uie t, th in k in g a b out a ll th e th in gs w e d on't w ant to c hange. B ut th en A ib ile en n arro w s h er e yes a t m e, a sk s, " W hat. Y ou don't th in k it 's a c ra zy id ea?" "I d o, I ju st . . ." A nd th at's w hen I s e e it . W e'v e b een fr ie nd s fo r s ix te en y ears , s in ce th e d ay I moved fr o m G re enw ood to J a ck so n a nd w e m et a t th e b us s to p. I c an r e ad A ib ile en lik e th e S und ay pap er. " Y ou th in k in g a b out it , a in 't y o u," I s a y. " Y ou w ant a ta lk to M is s S keete r." She s h ru gs a nd I k no w I 'm r ig ht. B ut b efo re A ib ile en c an c o nfe ss, R evere nd J o hnso n c o m es a nd s it s dow n in th e p ew b ehin d u s, le ans b etw een o ur s h o uld ers . " M in ny, I 'm s o rry I h aven't h ad th e c hance to te ll y o u c o ngra tu la tio ns o n y o ur n ew jo b." I s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " W hy, th ank y o u, R evere nd M in is te r." "Y ou m ust o f b een o n A ib ile en's p ra yer lis t," h e s a ys, p attin g A ib ile en o n th e s h o uld er.

"S ure w as. I to ld A ib ile en, a t th is r a te , s h e n eed s to s ta rt c harg in g." The R evere nd la ughs. H e g ets u p a nd tr e ad s s lo w ly to th e p ulp it . E very th in g g o es s till. I c an't b elie ve Aib ile en w ants to te ll M is s S keete r th e tr u th .

Tru th .

It fe els c o ol, lik e w ate r w ash in g o ver m y s tic k y-h o t b ody. C oolin g a h eat th at's b een b urn in g m e u p all m y lif e .

Tru th , I s a y in sid e m y h ead a gain , ju st fo r th at fe elin g.

Revere nd J o hnso n r a is e s h is h and s a nd s p eak s in a s o ft, d eep v o ic e. T he c ho ir b ehin d h im b egin s to hum " T alk in g to J e su s" a nd w e a ll s ta nd u p . I n h alf a m in ute I 'm s w eatin g.

"T hin k y o u m ig ht b e in te re ste d ? I n ta lk in g to M is s S keete r? " w his p ers A ib ile en.

I lo ok b ack a nd th ere 's L ero y w it h th e k id s, la te a s u su al. " W ho , m e?" I s a y a nd m y v o ic e is lo ud again st th e s o ft m usic . I ta m p it d ow n, b ut n o t b y m uch.

"A in 't n o w ay I 'm g o nna d o s o m eth in g c ra zy a s th at." FO R N O R EA SO N b ut to ir rit a te m e, w e g et a h eat w ave in D ecem ber. I n fo rty d egre es, I s w eat lik e ic ed te a in A ugust a nd h ere I w oke u p th is m orn in g to e ig hty -th re e o n th e d ia l. I 'v e s p ent h alf m y lif e tr y in g n o t to s w eat s o m uch: D ain ty L ad y s w eat c re am , fr o ze n p ota to es in m y p ock ets , ic e p ack tie d to m y h ead ( I a ctu ally p aid a d octo r fo r th at fo ol a d vic e), a nd I s till s o ak m y s w eat p ad s th ro ugh in fiv e m in ute s. I to te m y F air le y F unera l H om e fa n e very p la ce I g o . W ork s g o od a nd it w as fr e e.

Mis s C elia ta k es to th e w eek o f w arm w eath er, th o ugh, a nd a ctu ally g o es o uts id e a nd s it s b y th e pool in th ese ta ck y w hit e s u ngla sse s a nd a fu zzy b ath ro be. T hank th e L ord s h e's o ut o f th e h o use . A t fir s t I th o ught m ayb e s h e w as s ic k in th e b ody, b ut n o w I 'm w ond erin g if s h e's s ic k in th e h ead . I don't m ean th e ta lk in g to y o urs e lf v arie ty y o u s e e in o ld la d ie s lik e M is s W alt e rs w here y o u k no w it 's ju st th e o ld tim ers d is e ase , b ut th e c ap it a l C c ra zy w here y o u g et h aule d to W hit fie ld in a s tr a it ja ck et.

I c atc h h er s lip pin g u p sta ir s to th e e m pty b ed ro om s a lm ost e very d ay n o w . I h ear h er s n eak y lit tle fe et w alk in g d ow n th e h all, p assin g o ver th at lit tle s q ueak in th e flo or. I d on't th in k m uch o f it - -h eck , it 's h er h o use . B ut th en o ne d ay, s h e d oes it a gain , a nd th en a gain , a nd it 's th e fa ct th at s h e's s o d arn sn ea ky a b out it , w ait in g u ntil I tu rn o n th e H oover o r g et b usy o n a c ak e, th at m ak es m e s u sp ic io us.

She s p end s a b out s e ven o r e ig ht m in ute s u p th ere a nd th en p okes h er lit tle h ead a ro und to m ak e su re I d on't s e e h er c o m e d ow n a gain .

"D on't g o g ettin g in h er b usin ess," L ero y s a ys. " Y ou ju st m ak e s u re s h e te lls h er m is te r y o u c le anin g his h o use ." L ero y's b een o n th e d am n C ro w th e p ast c o up le o f n ig hts , d rin k in g b ehin d th e p ow er pla nt a fte r h is s h if t. H e's n o fo ol. H e k no w s if I 'm d ead , th at p aycheck w on't b e s h o w in g u p o n it s ow n.

Afte r s h e m ak es h er tr ip u p sta ir s , M is s C elia c o m es to th e k it c hen ta b le in ste ad o f g o in g b ack to bed . I w is h s h e'd g et o n o ut o f h ere . I 'm p ullin g c hic k en o ff th e b one. I 'v e g o t th e b ro th b oilin g a nd th e d um plin gs a lr e ad y c ut. I d on't w ant h er tr y in g to h elp w it h th is .

"J u st th ir te en m ore d ays b efo re y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e," I s a y, a nd lik e I k new s h e w ould , Mis s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e k it c hen ta b le a nd h ead s fo r h er b ed ro om . B ut b efo re s h e m ak es it o ut th e d oor s h e m utte rs , " D o y o u h ave to r e m in d m e o f th at fa ct e very d ay o f m y lif e ?" I s ta nd u p s tr a ig hte r. T hat's th e fir s t tim e M is s C elia 's e ver g o tte n c ro ss w it h m e. " M m-h m m," I te ll her, n o t e ven lo okin g u p b ecause I w ill r e m in d h er u ntil M is te r J o hnny's s h o ok m y h and a nd s a id n ic e to m eet y o u, M in ny.

But th en I lo ok o ver a nd s e e M is s C elia s till s ta nd in g th ere . S he's h o ld in g o n to th e d oorfr a m e. H er fa ce h as g o ne fla t w hit e , lik e c heap w all p ain t.

"Y ou b een fo olin g w it h th e r a w c hic k en a gain ?" "N o, I 'm . . . ju st tir e d ." But th e p ric k s o f s w eat o n h er m ak eup --th at n o w 's g o ne g ra y--te ll m e s h e's n o t fin e. I h elp h er to bed a nd b rin g h er th e L ad y-a -P in k am to d rin k . T he p in k la b el h as a p ic tu re o f a r e al p ro per la d y o n it w it h a tu rb an o n h er h ead , s m ilin g lik e s h e fe els b ette r. I h and M is s C elia th e s p oon to m easu re it out, b ut th at ta ck y w om an ju st d rin k s it s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle .

Afte rw ard , I w ash m y h and s. W hate ver it is s h e's g o t, I h o pe it a in 't c atc hin g.

TH E D AY A FTER M is s C ELIA 'S fa ce g o es fu nny is c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay a nd th e d ay I hate th e m ost. S heets a re ju st to o p ers o nal a th in g fo r fo lk s w ho a re n't k in to b e fo olin g w it h . T hey are fu ll o f h air a nd s c ab s a nd s n o t a nd th e s ig ns o f je lly -ro llin g. B ut it 's th e b lo od s ta in s th at a re th e wors t. S cru b bin g th o se o ut w it h m y b are h and s, I g ag o ver th e s in k . T hat g o es fo r b lo od a nyw here and a nyth in g w it h a s u sp ic io us r e se m bla nce. A s te p ped -o n s tr a w berry c an h ang m e o ver th e to ile t bow l fo r th e r e st o f th e d ay.

Mis s C elia k no w s a b out T uesd ays a nd u su ally s h e m oves o ut to th e s o fa s o I c an d o m y w ork . A co ld fr o nt s ta rte d in th is m orn in g, s o s h e c an't g o o ut to th e s w im min g p ool, a nd th ey s a y th e weath er's g o in g to g et w ors e . B ut a t n in e, th en te n, th en e le ven th e b ed ro om d oor's s till c lo se d .

Fin ally , I k no ck .

"Y es? " s h e s a ys. I o pen th e d oor.

"M orn in g, M is s C elia ." "H ey, M in ny." "It's T uesd ay." Not o nly is M is s C elia s till in b ed , s h e's c urle d u p o n to p o f th e c o vers in h er n ig htg o w n w it h o ut a dro p o f h er m ak eup o n.

"I g o t to g et th em s h eets w ash ed a nd ir o ned a nd th en I g o t to g et to th is o ld c hif fa ro be y o u d one le t go d ry a s T exas. A nd th en w e c o okin g--" "N o le arn in g le sso n to day, M in ny." S he is n 't s m ilin g e it h er, lik e s h e u su ally d oes w hen s h e s e es m e.

"Y ou fe elin g b ad ?" "F etc h m e s o m e w ate r, w ill y o u?" "Y es'm ." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd fill u p a g la ss fr o m th e s in k . S he m ust b e fe elin g b ad b ecause s h e's never a sk ed m e to s e rv e h er a nyth in g b efo re .

When I w alk b ack in th e b ed ro om th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed a nd th e b ath ro om d oor's c lo se d .

Now w hy'd s h e a sk m e to g o g et h er w ate r if s h e's g o t th e m eans to g et u p a nd g o to th e b ath ro om ?

At le ast s h e's o ut o f m y w ay. I p ic k M is te r J o hnny's p ants u p o ff th e flo or, to ss th em o ver m y sh o uld er. A sk m e, th is w om an d oesn 't ta k e e no ugh e xerc is e , s it tin g a ro und th e h o use a ll d ay. O h no w , M in ny, d on't g o o n th at w ay. I f s h e's s ic k , s h e's s ic k .

"Y ou s ic k ?" I h o lle r o uts id e th e b ath ro om d oor.

"I'm . . . fin e." "W hile y o u in th ere , I 'm o n g o h ead a nd c hange th ese s h eets ." "N o, I w ant y o u to g o o n," s h e s a ys th ro ugh th e d oor. " G o o n h o m e fo r th e d ay, M in ny." I s ta nd th ere a nd ta p m y fo ot o n h er y ello w r u g. I d on't w ant to g o o n h o m e. I t's T uesd ay, c hange- th e-d am n-sh eets d ay. I f I d on't d o it to day, th at m ak es W ed nesd ay c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay to o.

"W hat M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd th e h o use 's a m ess? " "H e's a t th e d eer c am p to nig ht. M in ny, I n eed y o u to b rin g m e th e p ho ne o ver- -" h er v o ic e b re ak s in to a tr e m bly w ail. " D ra g it o n o ver a nd fe tc h m y p ho ne b ook th at's s e ttin g in th e k it c hen." "Y ou s ic k , M is s C elia ?" But s h e d oesn 't a nsw er s o I g o g et th e b ook a nd s tr e tc h th e p ho ne o ver to th e b ath ro om d oor a nd ta p o n it .

"J u st le ave it th ere ." M is s C elia s o und s lik e s h e's c ry in g n o w . " I w ant y o u to g o o n h o m e n o w ." "B ut I ju st g o ts --" "I s a id g o h o m e, M in ny!" I s te p b ack fr o m th at c lo se d d oor. H eat r is e s u p m y fa ce. A nd it s tin gs, n o t b ecause I h aven't b een yelle d a t b efo re . I ju st h aven't b een y elle d a t b y M is s C elia y et.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, W oody A sa p o n C hannel T w elv e is w avin g h is w hit e s c aly h and s a ll o ver th e s ta te m ap . J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is fr o ze n lik e a n ic e p op. F ir s t it r a in ed , th en it fr o ze , th en anyth in g w it h m ore th an a h alf - in ch e xte nd in g b ro ke o ff to th e g ro und b y th is m orn in g. T re e bra nches, p ow er lin es, p orc h a w nin gs c o lla p se d lik e th ey'd p lu m b g iv en u p . O uts id e's b een d unk ed in a s h in y c le ar b uck et o f s h ella c.

My k id s g lu e th eir s le ep y fa ces to th e r a d io a nd w hen th e b ox s a ys th e r o ad s a re fr o ze n a nd s c ho ol is c lo se d , th ey a ll ju m p a ro und a nd w ho op a nd w his tle a nd r u n o uts id e to lo ok a t th e ic e w it h n o th in g on b ut th eir lo ng jo hns.

"G et b ack in th is h o use a nd p ut s o m e s h o es o n!" I h o lle r o ut th e d oor. N ot o ne o f th em d oes. I c all Mis s C elia to te ll h er I c an't d riv e in th e ic e a nd to fin d o ut if s h e's g o t p ow er o ut th ere . A fte r s h e yelle d a t m e lik e I w as a n ig ger in th e r o ad y este rd ay, y o u'd th in k I w ould n't g iv e a h o ot a b out h er.

When I c all, I h ear, " Y eeello ." My h eart h ic cup s.

"W ho is th is ? W ho 's c allin g h ere ?" Real c are fu l I h ang u p th at p ho ne. I g uess M is te r J o hnny's n o t w ork in g to day e it h er. I d on't k no w ho w h e m ad e it h o m e w it h th e s to rm . A ll I k no w is , e ven o n a d ay o ff, I c an't e sc ap e th e fe ar o f th at man. B ut in e le ven d ays, th at's a ll g o in g to b e o ver.

MOST O f T H E T O W N T H AW S in a d ay. M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed w hen I w alk in . S he's s it tin g a t th e w hit e k it c hen ta b le s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow w it h a n u gly lo ok o n h er fa ce lik e h er p oor fa ncy lif e is ju st to o h o t a h ell to liv e in . I t's th e m im osa tr e e s h e's e yein g o ut th ere . I t to ok th e ic e p re tty h ard .

Half o f th e b ra nches b ro ke o ff a nd a ll th e s p in d ly le aves a re b ro w n a nd s o ggy.

"M orn in g, M in ny," s h e s a ys, n o t e ven lo okin g m y w ay.

But I ju st n o d. I h ave n o th in g to s a y to h er, n o t a fte r th e w ay s h e tr e ate d m e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.

"W e c an fin ally c ut th at o ld u gly th in g d ow n n o w ," s a ys M is s C elia .

"G o a head . C ut e m a ll d ow n." J u st lik e m e, c ut m e d ow n fo r n o r e aso n a t a ll.

Mis s C elia g ets u p a nd c o m es o ver to th e s in k w here I 'm s ta nd in g. S he g ra b s h o ld o f m y a rm . " I'm so rry I h o lle re d a t y o u lik e I d id ." T ears b rim u p in h er e yes w hen s h e s a ys it .

"M m-h m m." "I w as s ic k a nd I k no w th at's n o e xcuse , b ut I w as fe elin g r e al p oor a nd . . ." S he s ta rts s o bbin g th en, lik e th e w ors t th in g s h e's e ver d one in h er lif e is y ell a t h er m aid .

"A lr ig ht," I s a y. " A in 't n o th in g to b oo-h o o o ver." And th en s h e h ugs m e tig ht a ro und th e n eck u ntil I k in d o f p at h er o n th e b ack a nd p eel h er o ff. " G o on, s e t d ow n," I s a y. " I'll fix y o u s o m e c o ffe e." I g uess w e a ll g et a lit tle s n ip py w hen w e'r e n o t fe elin g g o od.

BY T H E N EX T M ONDAY, th e le aves o n th at m im osa tr e e h ave tu rn ed b la ck lik e it b urn ed in ste ad of fr o ze . I c o m e in th e k it c hen r e ad y to te ll h er h o w m any d ays w e h ave le ft, b ut M is s C elia 's s ta rin g at th at tr e e, h atin g it w it h h er e yes th e s a m e w ay s h e h ate s th e s to ve. S he's p ale , w on't e at a nyth in g I put in fr o nt o f h er.

All d ay, in ste ad o f la yin g u p in b ed , s h e w ork s o n d eco ra tin g th e te n-fo ot C hris tm as tr e e in th e fo yer, mak in g m y lif e a v acuum in g h ell w it h a ll th e n eed le s fly in g a ro und . T hen s h e g o es in th e b ack yard , sta rts c lip pin g th e r o se b ush es a nd d ig gin g th e tu lip b ulb s. I 'v e n ever s e en h er m ove th at m uch, e ver.

She c o m es in fo r h er c o okin g le sso n a fte rw ard w it h d ir t u nd er h er n ails b ut s h e's s till n o t s m ilin g.

"S ix m ore d ays b efo re w e te ll M is te r J o hnny," I s a y.

She d oesn 't s a y a nyth in g fo r a w hile , th en h er v o ic e c o m es o ut fla t a s a p an. " A re y o u s u re I h ave to ? I w as th in k in g m ayb e w e c o uld w ait ." I s to p w here I a m , w it h b utte rm ilk d rip pin g o ff m y h and s. " A sk m e h o w s u re I a m a gain ." "A lr ig ht, a lr ig ht." A nd th en s h e g o es o uts id e a gain to ta k e u p h er n ew fa vo rit e p astim e, s ta rin g d ow n th at m im osa tr e e w it h th e a xe in h er h and . B ut s h e n ever ta k es a c ho p.

Wed nesd ay n ig ht a ll I c an th in k is ju st n in ety -six m ore h o urs . K no w in g I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b a fte r Chris tm as g naw s a t m y s to m ach. I 'll h ave a lo t m ore to w orry a b out th an ju st b ein g s h o t d ead . M is s Celia 's s u p pose d to te ll h im o n C hris tm as E ve, a fte r I le ave, b efo re th ey g o o ver to M is te r J o hnny's mam a's h o use . B ut M is s C elia 's a ctin g s o s tr a nge, I w ond er if s h e's g o in g to tr y a nd b ack o ut. N o ma'a m , I s a y to m yse lf a ll d ay. I in te nd to s ta y o n h er lik e h air o n s o ap .

When I w alk in T hurs d ay m orn in g th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t e ven h o m e. I c an't b elie ve s h e's a ctu ally le ft th e h o use . I s it a t th e ta b le a nd p our m yse lf a c up o f c o ffe e.

I lo ok o ut a t th e b ack yard . I t's b rig ht, s u nny. T hat b la ck m im osa tr e e s u re is u gly . I w ond er w hy Mis te r J o hnny d oesn 't ju st g o a head a nd c ut th at th in g d ow n.

I le an in a lit tle c lo se r to th e w in d ow sill. " W ell lo ok a th ere ." D ow n a ro und th e b otto m , s o m e g re en fr o nd s a re s till h angin g o n, p erk in g u p a lit tle in th e s u n.

"T hat o ld tr e e ju st p la yin g p ossu m ." I p ull a p ad o ut o f m y p ock etb ook w here I k eep a lis t o f w hat n eed s to b e te nd ed to , n o t fo r M is s Celia , b ut m y o w n g ro cerie s, C hris tm as p re se nts , th in gs fo r m y k id s. B enny's a sth m a h as g o tte n a lit tle b ette r b ut L ero y c am e h o m e la st n ig ht s m ellin g lik e O ld C ro w a gain . H e p ush ed m e h ard a nd I bum ped m y th ig h o n th e k it c hen ta b le . H e c o m es h o m e lik e th at to nig ht, I 'll fix h im a k nuck le sa nd w ic h fo r s u p per.

I s ig h. S eventy -tw o m ore h o urs a nd I 'm a fr e e w om an. M ayb e fir e d , m ayb e d ead a fte r L ero y fin d s out, b ut fr e e.

I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e w eek . T om orro w 's h eavy c o okin g a nd I 'v e g o t th e c hurc h s u p per Satu rd ay n ig ht a nd th e s e rv ic e o n S und ay. W hen a m I g o in g to c le an m y o w n h o use ? W ash m y o w n kid s' c lo th es? M y o ld est g ir l, S ugar, is s ix te en a nd p re tty g o od a b out k eep in g th in gs n eat, b ut I lik e to h elp h er o ut o n th e w eek end s th e w ay m y m am a n ever h elp ed m e. A nd A ib ile en. S he c alle d m e again la st n ig ht, a sk ed if I 'd h elp h er a nd M is s S keete r w it h th e s to rie s. I lo ve A ib ile en, I d o. B ut I th in k s h e's m ak in g a k in g-siz e d m is ta k e tr u stin g a w hit e la d y. A nd I to ld h er, to o. S he's r is k in g h er jo b, h er s a fe ty . N ot to m entio n w hy a nyo ne w ould w ant to h elp a fr ie nd o f M is s H illy 's .

Lord , I b ette r g et o n w it h m y w ork .

I p in eap ple th e h am a nd g et it in th e o ven. T hen I d ust th e s h elv es in th e h untin g r o om , v acuum th e bear w hile h e s ta re s a t m e lik e I 'm a s n ack . " J u st y o u a nd m e to day," I te ll h im . A s u su al h e d oesn 't sa y m uch. I g et m y r a g a nd m y o il s o ap , w ork m y w ay u p th e s ta ir c ase , p olis h in g e ach s p oke o n th e banis te r a s I g o . W hen I m ak e it to th e to p, I h ead in to b ed ro om n um ber o ne.

I c le an u p sta ir s fo r a b out a n h o ur. I t's c hilly u p h ere , n o b odie s to w arm it u p . I w ork m y a rm b ack and fo rth , b ack a nd fo rth a cro ss e very th in g w ood. B etw een th e s e co nd a nd th ir d b ed ro om s, I g o dow nsta ir s to M is s C elia 's r o om b efo re s h e c o m es b ack . I g et th at e erie p ric k le , o f b ein g in a h o use s o e m pty . W here 'd s h e g o ? A fte r w ork in g h ere a ll th is tim e a nd h er o nly le avin g th re e tim es a nd a lw ays te llin g m e w hen a nd w here a nd w hy s h e's le avin g, lik e I c are a nyw ay, n o w s h e's g o ne lik e th e w in d . I o ught to b e h ap py. I o ught to b e g la d th at fo ol's out o f m y h air . B ut b ein g h ere b y m yse lf , I fe el lik e a n in tr u d er. I lo ok d ow n a t th e lit tle p in k r u g th at co vers th e b lo odsta in b y th e b ath ro om . T oday I w as g o in g to ta k e a no th er c ra ck a t it . A c hill b lo w s th ro ugh th e r o om , lik e a g ho st p assin g b y. I s h iv er.

Mayb e I w on't w ork o n th at b lo odsta in to day.

On th e b ed th e c o vers , a s u su al, h ave b een th ro w n o ff. T he s h eets a re tw is te d a nd tu rn ed a ro und th e wro ng w ay. I t a lw ays lo oks lik e a w re stlin g m atc h h as g o ne o n in h ere . I s to p m yse lf fr o m wond erin g. Y ou s ta rt to w ond er a b out p eo ple in th e b ed ro om , b efo re y o u k no w it y o u'r e a ll wra p ped u p in th eir b usin ess.

I s tr ip o ff o ne o f th e p illo w case s. M is s C elia 's m asc ara s m ud ged lit tle c harc o al b utte rflie s a ll o ver it .

The c lo th es o n th e flo or I s tu ff in to th e p illo w case to m ak e it e asie r to c arry . I p ic k u p M is te r Jo hnny's fo ld ed p ants o ff th e y ello w o tto m an.

"N ow h o w 'm I s p ose d to k no w if th ese is c le an o r d ir ty ?" I s tic k th em in th e s a ck a nyw ay. M y motto o n h o use k eep in g: w hen in d oub t, w ash it o ut.

I to te th e b ag o ver to th e b ure au. T he b ru is e o n m y th ig h b urn s w hen I b end d ow n to p ic k u p a p air of M is s C elia 's s ilk y s to ck in gs.

"W ho a re yo u ?" I d ro p th e s a ck .

Slo w ly , I b ack a w ay u ntil m y b otto m b um ps th e b ure au. H e's s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay, e yes narro w ed . R eal s lo w , I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe h angin g fr o m h is h and .

Oh L ord .

I c an't g et to th e b ath ro om b ecause h e's to o c lo se a nd h e'd g et in th ere w it h m e. I c an't mak e it p ast h im o ut th e d oor u nle ss I p um mel h im , a nd th e m an h as a n a xe. M y h ead th ro bs h o t I 'm so p anic k ed . I 'm co rn ere d .

Mis te r J o hnny s ta re s d ow n a t m e. H e s w in gs th e a xe a lit tle . T ilt s h is h ead a nd s m ile s.

I d o th e o nly th in g I c an d o. I w rin k le m y fa ce a s m ean a s I c an a nd p ull m y lip s a cro ss m y te eth a nd yell:

"Yo u a nd y o ur a xe b ette r g et o ut a m y w ay." Mis te r J o hnny lo oks d ow n a t th e a xe, lik e h e fo rg o t h e h ad it . T hen b ack u p a t m e. W e s ta re a t e ach oth er a s e co nd . I d on't m ove a nd I d on't b re ath e.

He s n eak s a lo ok o ver a t th e s a ck I 'v e d ro pped to s e e w hat I w as s te alin g. T he le g o f h is k hak is is pokin g o ut th e to p. " N ow , lis te n," I s a y, a nd te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes. " M is te r J o hnny, I to ld M is s Celia to te ll y o u a b out m e. I m ust a a sk ed h er a th o usa nd tim es--" But h e ju st la ughs. H e s h ak es h is h ead . H e th in k s it 's fu nny h e's a b out to c ho p m e u p . " Ju st lis te n t o m e, I to ld h er- -" But h e's s till c huck lin g. " C alm d ow n, g ir l. I 'm n o t g o in g to g et y o u," h e s a ys. " Y ou s u rp ris e d m e, th at's a ll. " I'm p antin g, e asin g m y w ay to w ard th e b ath ro om . H e s till h as th e a xe in h is h and , s w in gin g it a lit tle .

"W hat's y o ur n am e, a nyw ay?" "M in ny," I w his p er. I 'v e s till g o t fiv e fe et to g o .

"H ow lo ng h ave y o u b een c o m in g, M in ny?" "N ot lo ng." I jig gle m y h ead n o .

" How lo ng?" "F ew . . . w eek s," I s a y. I b it e d ow n o n m y lip .

Thre e m onth s.

He s h ak es h is h ead . " N ow , I k no w it 's b een lo nger th an th at." I lo ok a t th e b ath ro om d oor. W hat g o od w ould it d o to b e in a b ath ro om w here th e d oor w on't e ven lo ck ? W hen th e m an's g o t a n a xe to h ack th e d oor d ow n w it h ?

"I s w ear I 'm n o t m ad ," h e s a ys.

"W hat a b out th at a xe?" I s a y, m y te eth g rit te d .

He r o lls h is e yes, th en h e s e ts it o n th e c arp et, k ic k s it to th e s id e.

"C om e o n, le t's g o h ave u s a ta lk in th e k it c hen." He tu rn s a nd w alk s a w ay. I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe, w ond erin g if I s h o uld ta k e it . J u st th e s ig ht o f it sc are s m e. I p ush it u nd er th e b ed a nd fo llo w h im .

In th e k it c hen, I e d ge m yse lf c lo se to th e b ack d oor, c heck th e k no b to m ak e s u re it 's u nlo ck ed .

"M in ny, I p ro m is e . I t's fin e th at y o u'r e h ere ," h e s a ys.

I w atc h h is e yes, tr y in g to s e e if h e's ly in g. H e's a b ig m an, s ix -tw o a t le ast. A lit tle p aunch in th e fr o nt, b ut s tr o ng lo okin g. " I r e ck on y o u g o ne fir e m e, th en." "F ir e y o u?" H e la ughs. " Y ou'r e th e b est c o ok I 'v e e ver k no w n. L ook w hat y o u'v e d one to m e." H e fr o w ns d ow n a t h is s to m ach th at's ju st s ta rtin g to p oke o ut. " H ell, I h aven't e ate n lik e th is s in ce C ora Blu e w as a ro und . S he p ra ctic ally r a is e d m e." I ta k e a d eep b re ath b ecause h is k no w in g C ora B lu e s e em s to s a fe n th in gs u p a lit tle . " H er k id s w ent to m y c hurc h. I k new h er." "I s u re d o m is s h er." H e tu rn s, o pens th e r e fr ig era to r, s ta re s in , c lo se s it .

"W hen's C elia c o m in g b ack ? Y ou k no w ?" M is te r J o hnny a sk s.

"I d on't k no w . I s p ec s h e w ent to g et h er h air d one." "I th o ught fo r a w hile th ere , w hen w e w ere e atin g y o ur fo od, s h e r e ally d id le arn h o w to c o ok. U ntil th at S atu rd ay, w hen y o u w ere n't h ere , a nd s h e tr ie d to m ak e h am burg ers ." He le ans a gain st th e s in k b oard , s ig hs. " W hy d oesn 't s h e w ant m e to k no w a b out y o u?" "I d on't k no w . S he w on't te ll m e." He s h ak es h is h ead , lo oks u p a t th e b la ck m ark o n th e c eilin g fr o m w here M is s C elia b urn ed u p th e tu rk ey th at tim e. " M in ny, I d on't c are if C elia n ever lif ts a no th er fin ger fo r th e r e st o f h er lif e . B ut s h e sa ys s h e w ants to d o th in gs fo r m e h ers e lf ." H e r a is e s h is e yeb ro w s a lit tle . " I m ean, d o y o u und ers ta nd w hat I w as e atin g b efo re y o u g o t h ere ?" "S he le arn in g. L east s h e . . . tr y in g to le arn ," b ut I k in d o f s n o rt a t th is . S om e th in gs y o u ju st c an't lie ab out.

"I d on't ca re if s h e c an c o ok. I ju st w ant h er h ere "- -h e s h ru gs--"w it h m e." He r u b s h is b ro w w it h h is w hit e s h ir ts le eve a nd I s e e w hy h is s h ir ts a re a lw ays s o d ir ty . A nd h e is so rt o f h and so m e. F or a w hit e m an.

"S he ju st d oesn 't s e em h ap py," h e s a ys. " Is it m e? I s it th e h o use ? A re w e to o fa r a w ay fr o m to w n?" "I d on't k no w , M is te r J o hnny." "T hen w hat's g o in g o n?" H e p ro ps h is h and s d ow n o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h im , g ra b s h o ld . " J u st te ll me. I s s h e"- -h e s w allo w s h ard --"is s h e s e ein g s o m eb ody e ls e ?" I tr y n o t to , b ut I fe el k in d o f s o rry fo r h im th en, s e ein g h e's ju st a s c o nfu se d a s I a m a b out a ll th is mess.

"M is te r J o hnny, th is a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess. B ut I c an te ll y o u M is s C elia a in 't h avin g n o r e la tio ns outs id e a th is h o use ." He n o ds. " Y ou'r e r ig ht. T hat w as a s tu p id th in g to a sk ." I e ye th e d oor, w ond erin g w hen M is s C elia 's g o in g to b e h o m e. I d on't k no w w hat s h e'd d o if s h e fo und M is te r J o hnny h ere .

"L ook," h e s a ys, " d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out m eetin g m e. I 'm g o in g to le t h er te ll m e w hen s h e's re ad y." I m anage m y fir s t r e al s m ile . " S o y o u w ant m e to ju st g o o n lik e I b een d oin g?" "L ook a fte r h er. I d on't lik e h er in th is b ig h o use b y h ers e lf ." "Y essu h. W hate ver y o u s a y." "I c am e b y to day to s u rp ris e h er. I w as g o in g to c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e s h e h ate s s o m uch, th en ta k e h er in to to w n fo r lu nch. P ic k o ut s o m e je w elr y fo r h er C hris tm as p re se nt." M is te r J o hnny w alk s to th e w in d ow , lo oks o ut, a nd s ig hs. " I g uess I 'll g o g et lu nch in to w n s o m ew here ." "I fix y o u s o m eth in g. W hat y o u w ant? " He tu rn s a ro und , g rin nin g lik e a k id . I s ta rt g o in g th ro ugh th e r e fr ig era to r, p ullin g th in gs o ut.

"R em em ber th o se p ork c ho ps w e h ad th at tim e?" H e s ta rts n ib blin g o n h is fin gern ail. " W ill y o u m ak e th o se fo r u s th is w eek ?" "I fix e m fo r s u p per to nig ht. G ot s o m e in th e fr e eze r. A nd to m orro w n ig ht y o u h avin g c hic k en a nd dum plin gs." "O h, C ora B lu e u se d to m ak e u s th o se ." "S it u p th ere a t th e ta b le a nd I 'm o n d o y o u a g o od B LT to ta k e w it h y o u in th e tr u ck ." "A nd w ill y o u to ast th e b re ad ?" "A c o urs e . C an't h ave n o p ro per s a nd w ic h o n n o r a w b re ad . A nd th is a fte rn o on I 'll m ak e o ne a Min ny's fa m ous c ara m el c ak es. A nd n ext w eek w e g o ne d o y o u a fr ie d c atfis h . . ." I p ull o ut th e b aco n fo r M is te r J o hnny's lu nch, g et th e s k ille t o ut to fr y . M is te r J o hnny's e yes a re cle ar a nd w id e. H e's s m ilin g w it h e very p art o f h is fa ce. I fix h is s a nd w ic h a nd w ra p it in w axed pap er. F in ally , s o m eb ody I g et th e s a tis fa ctio n o f fe ed in g.

"M in ny, I h ave to a sk , if yo u'r e h ere . . . w hat in th e w orld is C elia d oin g a ll d ay?" I s h ru g. " I a in 't n ever s e en a w hit e w om an s it th ere lik e s h e d o. M ost o f e m is b usy -b usy, r u nnin g erra nd s, a ctin g lik e th ey b usie r th an m e." "S he n eed s s o m e fr ie nd s. I a sk ed m y b ud dy W ill if h e'd g et h is w if e to c o m e o ut a nd te ach h er to pla y b rid ge, g et h er in a g ro up . I k no w H illy 's th e r in gle ad er o f a ll th at s tu ff." I s ta re a t h im , lik e if I k ep t r e al s till, m ayb e it w ould n't b e tr u e. F in ally I a sk , " T hat M is s H illy Holb ro ok y o u ta lk in g a b out? " "Y ou k no w h er? " h e a sk s.

"M m-h m m." I s w allo w th e tir e ir o n th at's r is in g u p in m y th ro at a t th e th o ught o f M is s H illy h angin g aro und th is h o use . M is s C elia fin d in g o ut th e tr u th a b out th e T errib le A w fu l. T here 's n o w ay th o se tw o c o uld b e fr ie nd s. B ut I b et M is s H illy w ould d o a nyth in g fo r M is te r J o hnny.

"I'll c all W ill to nig ht a nd a sk h im a gain ." H e p ats m e o n m y s h o uld er a nd I fin d m yse lf th in k in g a b out th at w ord a gain , tr u th .

A nd A ib ile en's te llin g M is s S keete r a ll a b out it . I f th e tr u th g ets o ut o n m e, I'm d one. I c ro sse d th e w ro ng p ers o n, a nd th at's a ll it ta k es. "I'm g o in g to g iv e y o u m y n um ber a t th e o ffic e. C all m e if y o u e ver r u n in to tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "Y essu h," I s a y, fe elin g m y d re ad e ra se a ny r e lie f I h ad c o m in g to m e to day.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 1 I T 'S T EC HN IC ALLY W IN TER in m ost o f th e n atio n, b ut a lr e ad y th ere is g nash in g o f te eth a nd w rin gin g o f h and s in m y m oth er's h o use . S ig ns o f s p rin g h ave c o m e to o e arly . D ad dy's in a c o tto n- p la ntin g fr e nzy, h ad to h ir e te n e xtr a fie ld w ork ers to till a nd d riv e tr a cto rs to g et th e s e ed in th e g ro und . M oth er's b een s tu d yin g The F arm er's A lm anac , b ut s h e's h ard ly c o ncern ed w it h p la ntin g.

S he d eliv ers th e b ad n ew s to m e w it h a h and o n h er fo re head .

" T hey s a y th is 'll b e th e m ost h um id o ne in y ears ." S he s ig hs. T he S hin ala to r n ever d id m uch g o od a fte r th o se fir s t fe w tim es. " I'd p ic k u p s o m e m ore s p ra y c ans d ow n a t B eem on's , th e n ew e xtr a - h eavy k in d ." S he lo oks u p fr o m th e Alm anac , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " W hat a re y o u d re sse d th at w ay fo r? " I h ave o n m y d ark est d re ss, d ark s to ck in gs. T he b la ck s c arf o ver m y h air p ro bab ly m ak es m e lo ok m ore lik e P ete r O 'T oole in Law re n ce o f A ra bia th an M arle ne D ie tr ic h. T he u gly r e d s a tc hel h angs f r o m m y s h o uld er.

" I h ave s o m e e rra nd s to r u n to nig ht. T hen I 'm m eetin g... s o m e g ir ls . A t c hurc h." " O n a S atu rd ay n ig ht? " " M am a, G od d oesn 't c are w hat d ay o f th e w eek it is ," I s a y a nd m ak e fo r th e c ar b efo re s h e c an a sk a ny m ore q uestio ns. T onig ht, I 'm g o in g to A ib ile en's fo r h er fir s t in te rv ie w .

M y h eart r a cin g, I d riv e fa st o n th e p aved to w n r o ad s, h ead in g fo r th e c o lo re d p art o f to w n. I 'v e n ever e ven s a t a t th e s a m e ta b le w it h a N egro w ho w asn 't p aid to d o s o . T he in te rv ie w h as b een d ela yed b y o ver a m onth . F ir s t, th e h o lid ays c am e a nd A ib ile en h ad to w ork la te a lm ost e very n ig ht, w ra p pin g p re se nts a nd c o okin g fo r E liz a b eth 's C hris tm as p arty . I n J a nuary , I s ta rte d to p anic w hen A ib ile en g o t th e flu . I 'm a fr a id I 'v e w ait e d s o lo ng, M is su s S te in w ill h ave lo st in te re st o r fo rg o tte n w hy s h e e ven a gre ed to r e ad it .

I d riv e th e C ad illa c th ro ugh th e d ark ness, tu rn in g o n G essu m A venue, A ib ile en's S tr e et. I 'd r a th er b e i n th e o ld tr u ck , b ut M oth er w ould 'v e b een to o s u sp ic io us a nd D ad dy w as u sin g it in th e fie ld s. I s to p in fr o nt o f a n a b and oned , h aunte d -lo okin g h o use th re e d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's , a s w e p la nned .

T he fr o nt p orc h o f th e s p ooky h o use is s a ggin g, th e w in d ow s h ave n o p anes. I s te p in to th e d ark , l o ck th e d oors a nd w alk q uic k ly . I k eep m y h ead lo w ere d , m y n o is y h eels c lic k in g o n th e p avem ent.

A d og b ark s a nd m y k eys ja ngle to th e p avem ent. I g lim pse a ro und , p ic k th em u p . T w o s e ts o f c o lo re d p eo ple s it o n p orc hes, w atc hin g, r o ck in g. T here a re n o s tr e etlig hts s o it 's h ard to s a y w ho e ls e s e es m e. I k eep w alk in g, fe elin g a s o bvio us a s m y v ehic le : la rg e a nd w hit e .

I r e ach n um ber tw enty -fiv e, A ib ile en's h o use . I g iv e o ne la st lo ok a ro und , w is h in g I w asn 't te n m in ute s e arly . T he c o lo re d p art o f to w n s e em s s o fa r a w ay w hen, e vid ently , it 's o nly a fe w m ile s f r o m th e w hit e p art o f to w n.

I k no ck s o ftly . T here a re fo ots te p s, a nd s o m eth in g in sid e s la m s c lo se d . A ib ile en o pens th e d oor.

" C om e o n in ," s h e w his p ers a nd q uic k ly s h uts it b ehin d m e a nd lo ck s it . I'v e n ever s e en A ib ile en in a nyth in g b ut h er w hit e s. T onig ht s h e h as o n a g re en d re ss w it h b la ck pip in g. I c an't h elp b ut n o tic e, s h e s ta nd s a lit tle ta lle r in h er o w n h o use .

"M ak e y o urs e lf c o m fo rta b le . I b e b ack r e al q uic k ." Even w it h th e s in gle la m p o n, th e fr o nt r o om is d ark , fu ll o f b ro w ns a nd s h ad ow s. T he c urta in s a re pulle d a nd p in ned to geth er s o th ere 's n o g ap . I d on't k no w if th ey'r e lik e th at a ll th e tim e, o r ju st fo r me. I lo w er m yse lf o nto th e n arro w s o fa . T here 's a w ooden c o ffe e ta b le w it h h and -ta tte d la ce dra p ed o ver th e to p. T he flo ors a re b are . I w is h I h ad n't w orn s u ch a n e xp ensiv e-lo okin g d re ss.

A fe w m in ute s la te r, A ib ile en c o m es b ack w it h a tr a y h o ld in g a te ap ot a nd tw o c up s th at d on't matc h, p ap er n ap kin s fo ld ed in to tr ia ngle s. I s m ell th e c in nam on c o okie s s h e's m ad e. A s s h e p ours th e te a, th e to p to th e p ot r a ttle s.

"S orry ," s h e s a ys a nd h o ld s th e to p d ow n. " I a in 't n ever h ad a w hit e p ers o n in m y h o use b efo re ." I s m ile , e ven th o ugh I k no w it w asn 't m eant to b e fu nny. I d rin k a s ip o f te a. I t is b it te r a nd s tr o ng.

"T hank y o u," I s a y. " T he te a is n ic e." She s it s a nd fo ld s h er h and s in h er la p , lo oks a t m e e xp ecta ntly .

"I th o ught w e'd d o a lit tle b ack gro und w ork a nd th en ju st ju m p r ig ht in w it h th e q uestio ns," I s a y. I pull o ut m y n o te b ook a nd s c an th e q uestio ns I 'v e p re p are d . T hey s u d denly s e em o bvio us, a m ate ur.

"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. S he is s it tin g u p v ery s tr a ig ht, o n th e s o fa , tu rn ed to w ard m e.

"W ell, to s ta rt, u m , w hen a nd w here w ere y o u b orn ?" She s w allo w s, n o ds. " N in ete en o -n in e. P ie d m ont P la nta tio n d ow n in C hero kee C ounty ." "D id y o u k no w w hen y o u w ere a g ir l, g ro w in g u p , th at o ne d ay y o u'd b e a m aid ?" "Y es m a'a m . Y es, I d id ." I s m ile , w ait fo r h er to e lu cid ate . T here is n o th in g.

"A nd y o u k new th at . . . b ecause . . . ? " "M am a w as a m aid . M y g ra nm am a w as a h o use s la ve." "A h o use s la ve. U h-h uh," I s a y, b ut s h e o nly n o ds. H er h and s s ta y fo ld ed in h er la p . S he's w atc hin g th e w ord s I 'm w rit in g o n th e p age.

"D id y o u . . . e ver h ave d re am s o f b ein g s o m eth in g e ls e ?" "N o," s h e s a ys. " N o m a'a m , I d id n't ." I t's s o q uie t, I c an h ear b oth o f u s b re ath in g.

"A lr ig ht. T hen . . . w hat d oes it fe el lik e, to r a is e a w hit e c hild w hen y o ur o w n c hild 's a t h o m e, b ein g . . ." I s w allo w , e m barra sse d b y th e q uestio n, " . . . lo oked a fte r b y s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "It fe el . . ." S he's s till s it tin g u p s o s tr a ig ht it lo oks p ain fu l. " U m, m ayb e . . . w e c o uld g o o n to th e next o ne." "O h. A lr ig ht." I s ta re a t m y q uestio ns. " W hat d o y o u lik e b est a b out b ein g a m aid a nd w hat d o y o u lik e le ast? " She lo oks u p a t m e, lik e I 'v e a sk ed h er to d efin e a d ir ty w ord .

"I- -I s p ec I lik e lo okin g a fte r th e k id s b est," s h e w his p ers .

"A nyth in g . . . y o u'd lik e to a d d . . . a b out th at? " "N o m a'a m ." "A ib ile en, y o u d on't h ave to c all m e 'm a'a m .' N ot h ere ." "Y es m a'a m . O h. S orry ." S he c o vers h er m outh .

Loud v o ic es s h o ut in th e s tr e et a nd b oth o ur e yes d art to w ard th e w in d ow . W e a re q uie t, s to ck -still.

What w ould h ap pen if s o m eo ne w hit e fo und o ut I w as h ere o n a S atu rd ay n ig ht ta lk in g to A ib ile en in her r e gula r c lo th es? W ould th ey c all th e p olic e, to r e p ort a s u sp ic io us m eetin g? I 'm s u d denly s u re th ey w ould . W e'd b e a rre ste d b ecause th at is w hat th ey d o. T hey'd c harg e u s w it h in te gra tio n vio la tio n--I r e ad a b out it in th e p ap er a ll th e tim e--th ey d esp is e th e w hit e s th at m eet w it h th e co lo re d s to h elp w it h th e c iv il r ig hts m ovem ent. T his h as n o th in g to d o w it h in te gra tio n, b ut w hy e ls e would w e b e m eetin g? I d id n't e ven b rin g a ny M is s M yrn a le tte rs a s b ack up .

I s e e o pen, h o nest fe ar o n A ib ile en's fa ce. S lo w ly th e v o ic es o uts id e d is sip ate d ow n th e r o ad . I exhale b ut A ib ile en s ta ys te nse . S he k eep s h er e yes o n th e c urta in s.

I lo ok d ow n a t m y lis t o f q uestio ns, s e arc hin g fo r s o m eth in g to d ra w th is n erv o usn ess o ut o f h er, o ut of m yse lf . I k eep th in k in g a b out h o w m uch tim e I 'v e lo st a lr e ad y.

"A nd w hat . . . d id y o u s a y y o u d is lik ed a b out y o ur jo b?" Aib ile en s w allo w s h ard .

"I m ean, d o y o u w ant to ta lk a b out th e b ath ro om ? O r a b out E liz --M is s L eefo lt ? A nyth in g a b out th e way s h e p ays y o u? H as s h e e ver y elle d a t y o u in fr o nt o f M ae M oble y?" Aib ile en ta k es a n ap kin a nd d ab s it to h er fo re head . S he s ta rts to s p eak , b ut s to ps h ers e lf .

"W e'v e ta lk ed p le nty o f tim es, A ib ile en . . ." She p uts h er h and to h er m outh . " I'm s o rry , I - -" S he g ets u p a nd w alk s q uic k ly d ow n th e n arro w hall. A d oor c lo se s, r a ttlin g th e te ap ot a nd th e c up s o n th e tr a y.

Fiv e m in ute s p ass. W hen s h e c o m es b ack , s h e h o ld s a to w el to h er fr o nt, th e w ay I 'v e s e en M oth er do a fte r s h e v o m it s , w hen s h e d oesn 't m ak e it to h er to ile t in tim e.

"I'm s o rry . I th o ught I w as . . . r e ad y to ta lk ." I n o d, n o t s u re w hat to d o.

"I ju st . . . I k no w y o u a lr e ad y to ld th at la d y in N ew Y ork I 's g o ne d o th is b ut . . ." S he c lo se s h er eyes. " I'm s o rry . I d on't th in k I c an. I th in k I n eed to la y d ow n." "T om orro w n ig ht. I 'll . . . c o m e u p w it h a b ette r w ay. L et's ju st tr y a gain a nd . . ." She s h ak es h er h ead , c lu tc hes h er to w el.

On m y d riv e h o m e, I w ant to k ic k m yse lf . F or th in k in g I c o uld ju st w alt z in a nd d em and a nsw ers .

For th in k in g s h e'd s to p fe elin g lik e th e m aid ju st b ecause w e w ere a t h er h o use , b ecause s h e w asn 't wearin g a u nif o rm .

I lo ok o ver a t m y n o te b ook o n th e w hit e le ath er s e at. B esid es w here s h e g re w u p , I 'v e g o tte n a to ta l of tw elv e w ord s. A nd fo ur o f th em a re yes m a'a m a nd no m a'a m .

PA TSY C LIN E'S V O IC E D RIF TS o ut o f W JD X r a d io . A s I d riv e d ow n th e C ounty R oad , th ey'r e pla yin g " W alk in g A fte r M id nig ht." W hen I p ull in to H illy 's d riv ew ay, th ey'r e o n " T hre e C ig are tte s in an A sh tr a y." H er p la ne c ra sh ed th is m orn in g a nd e very o ne fr o m N ew Y ork to M is sis sip pi to S eattle is in m ourn in g, s in gin g h er s o ngs. I p ark th e C ad illa c a nd s ta re o ut a t H illy 's r a m blin g w hit e h o use .

It's b een fo ur d ays s in ce A ib ile en v o m it e d in th e m id dle o f o ur in te rv ie w a nd I 'v e h eard n o th in g fr o m her.

I g o in sid e. T he b rid ge ta b le is s e t u p in H illy 's a nte b ellu m -sty le p arlo r w it h it s d eafe nin g g ra nd fa th er clo ck a nd g o ld s w ag c urta in s. E very o ne is s e ate d --H illy , E liz a b eth , a nd L ou A nne T em ple to n, w ho has r e p la ced M is su s W alt e rs . L ou A nne is o ne o f th o se g ir ls w ho w ears a b ig e ager s m ile -- all th e tim e, a nd it n ever s to ps. I t m ak es m e w ant to s tic k a s tr a ig ht p in in h er. A nd w hen y o u'r e n o t lo okin g, s h e s ta re s a t y o u w it h th at v ap id , to oth y s m ile . A nd s h e a gre es w it h e very s in gle lit tle th in g Hilly s a ys.

Hilly h o ld s u p a Lif e m agazin e, p oin ts to a s p re ad o f a h o use in C alif o rn ia . " A d en th ey'r e c allin g it , lik e w ild a nim als a re liv in g th ere ." "O h, is n 't th at d re ad fu l! " L ou A nne b eam s.

The p ic tu re s h o w s w all- to -w all s h ag c arp et a nd lo w , s tr e am lin ed s o fa s, e gg-sh ap ed c hair s a nd te le vis io ns th at lo ok lik e fly in g s a ucers . I n H illy 's p arlo r, a p ortr a it o f a C onfe d era te g enera l h angs eig ht fe et ta ll. I t is a s p ro m in ent a s if h e w ere a g ra nd fa th er a nd n o t a th ir d c o usin r e m oved .

"T hat's it . T ru d y's h o use lo oks ju st lik e th at," E liz a b eth s a ys. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in th e in te rv ie w w it h A ib ile en, I 'd a lm ost fo rg o tte n E liz a b eth 's tr ip la st w eek to s e e h er o ld er s is te r. T ru d y marrie d a b ank er a nd th ey m oved to H olly w ood. E liz a b eth w ent o ut th ere fo r fo ur d ays to s e e h er new h o use .

"W ell, th at's ju st b ad ta ste , is w hat it is ," H illy s a ys. " N o o ffe nse to y o ur fa m ily , E liz a b eth ." "W hat w as H olly w ood lik e?" L ou A nne a sk s.

"O h, it w as lik e a d re am . A nd T ru d y's h o use --T .V . s e ts in e very r o om . T hat s a m e c ra zy s p ace-a ge fu rn it u re y o u c o uld h ard ly e ven s it in . W e w ent to a ll th ese fa ncy r e sta ura nts , w here th e m ovie s ta rs eat, a nd d ra nk m artin is a nd b urg und y w in e. A nd o ne n ig ht M ax F acto r h im se lf c am e o ver to th e ta b le , s p oke to T ru d y lik e th ey'r e ju st o ld fr ie nd s"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead --"lik e th ey w ere ju st p assin g by in th e g ro cery s to re ." E liz a b eth s ig hs.

"W ell, if y o u a sk m e, y o u'r e s till th e p re ttie st in th e fa m ily ," H illy s a ys. " N ot th at T ru d y's u nattr a ctiv e, but y o u'r e th e o ne w it h th e p ois e a nd th e r e al s ty le ." Eliz a b eth s m ile s a t th is , b ut th en d rif ts b ack to fr o w nin g. " N ot to m entio n s h e h as liv e-in h elp , e very day, e very hour.

I h ard ly h ad to s e e M ae M oble y a t a ll. " I c rin ge a t th is c o m ment, b ut n o o ne e ls e s e em s to n o tic e. H illy 's w atc hin g h er m aid , Y ule M ay, r e fill our te a g la sse s. S he's ta ll, s le nd er, a lm ost r e gal- lo okin g a nd h as a m uch b ette r fig ure th an H illy .

Seein g h er m ak es m e w orry a b out A ib ile en. I 'v e c alle d A ib ile en's h o use tw ic e th is w eek , b ut th ere wasn 't a ny a nsw er. I 'm s u re s h e's a vo id in g m e. I g uess I 'll h ave to g o to E liz a b eth 's h o use to ta lk to her w heth er E liz a b eth lik es it o r n o t.

"I w as th in k in g n ext y ear w e m ig ht d o a Gone W it h t h e W in d th em e fo r th e B enefit ," H illy s a ys, "m ayb e r e nt th e o ld F air v ie w M ansio n?" "W hat a g re at id ea!" L ou A nne s a ys.

"O h S keete r," H illy s a ys, " I k no w y o u ju st h ate d m is sin g it th is y ear." I n o d, g iv e a p it if u l fr o w n. I 'd pre te nd ed to h ave th e flu to a vo id g o in g a lo ne.

"I'll te ll y o u o ne th in g," H illy s a ys, " I w on't b e h ir in g th at r o ck -a nd -ro ll b and a gain , p la yin g a ll th at fa st dance m usic . . ." Eliz a b eth ta p s m y a rm . S he h as h er h and bag in h er la p . " I a lm ost fo rg o t to g iv e th is to y o u. F ro m Aib ile en, fo r th e M is s M yrn a th in g? I to ld h er th o ugh, y 'a ll c anno t p ow wow o n th is to day, n o t a fte r all th at tim e s h e m is se d in J a nuary ." I o pen th e fo ld ed p ie ce o f p ap er. T he w ord s a re in b lu e in k , in a lo vely c urs iv e h and .

I k now h ow t o m ake t h e t e a pot s to p r a ttlin g.

"A nd w ho in th e w orld c are s a b out h o w to m ak e a te ap ot n o t r a ttle ?" E liz a b eth s a ys. B ecause o f co urs e s h e r e ad it .

It ta k es m e tw o s e co nd s a nd a d rin k o f ic ed te a to u nd ers ta nd . " Y ou w ould n't b elie ve h o w h ard it is ," I te ll h er.

TW O D AY S L ATER , I s it in m y p are nts ' k it c hen, w ait in g fo r d usk to fa ll. I g iv e in a nd lig ht a no th er cig are tte e ven th o ugh la st n ig ht th e s u rg eo n g enera l c am e o n th e te le vis io n s e t a nd s h o ok h is fin ger a t every b ody, tr y in g to c o nvin ce u s th at s m okin g w ill k ill u s. B ut M oth er o nce to ld m e to ngue k is sin g would tu rn m e b lin d a nd I 'm s ta rtin g to th in k it 's a ll ju st a b ig p lo t b etw een th e s u rg eo n g enera l a nd Moth er to m ak e s u re n o o ne e ver h as a ny fu n.

At e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at s a m e n ig ht, I 'm s tu m blin g d ow n A ib ile en's s tr e et a s d is c re etly a s o ne c an carry in g a fif ty -p ound C oro na ty p ew rit e r. I k no ck s o ftly , a lr e ad y d yin g fo r a no th er c ig are tte to c alm my n erv es. A ib ile en a nsw ers a nd I s lip in sid e. S he's w earin g th e s a m e g re en d re ss a nd s tif f b la ck sh o es a s la st tim e.

I tr y to s m ile , lik e I 'm c o nfid ent it w ill w ork th is tim e, d esp it e th e id ea s h e e xp la in ed o ver th e p ho ne.

"C ould w e . . . s it in th e k it c hen th is tim e?" I a sk . " W ould y o u m in d ?" "A lr ig ht. A in 't n o th in g to lo ok a t, b ut c o m e o n b ack ." The k it c hen is a b out h alf th e s iz e o f th e liv in g r o om , a nd w arm er. I t s m ells lik e te a a nd le m ons. T he bla ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um flo or h as b een s c ru b bed th in . T here 's ju st e no ugh c o unte r fo r th e c hin a te a se t.

I s e t th e ty p ew rit e r o n a s c ra tc hed r e d ta b le u nd er th e w in d ow . A ib ile en s ta rts to p our th e h o t w ate r in to th e te ap ot.

"O h, n o ne fo r m e, th ank s," I s a y a nd r e ach in m y b ag. " I b ro ught u s s o m e C o-C ola s if y o u w ant one." I 'v e tr ie d to c o m e u p w it h w ays to m ak e A ib ile en m ore c o m fo rta b le . N um ber O ne: d on't mak e h er fe el lik e s h e h as to s e rv e m e.

"W ell, a in 't th at n ic e. I u su ally d on't ta k e m y te a till la te r a nyw ay." S he b rin gs o ver a n o pener a nd tw o gla sse s. I d rin k m in e s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle a nd , s e ein g th is , s h e p ush es th e g la sse s a sid e, d oes th e sa m e.

I c alle d A ib ile en a fte r E liz a b eth g ave m e th e n o te , a nd lis te ned h o pefu lly a s A ib ile en to ld m e h er id ea--fo r h er to w rit e h er o w n w ord s d ow n a nd th en s h o w m e w hat's s h e's w rit te n. I tr ie d to a ct excit e d . B ut I k no w I 'll h ave to r e w rit e e very th in g s h e's w rit te n, w astin g e ven m ore tim e. I th o ught it mig ht m ak e it e asie r if s h e c o uld s e e it in ty p efa ce in ste ad o f m e r e ad in g it a nd te llin g h er it c an't work th is w ay.

We s m ile a t e ach o th er. I ta k e a s ip o f m y C oke, s m ooth m y b lo use . " S o . . ." I s a y.

Aib ile en h as a w ir e -rin ged n o te b ook in fr o nt o f h er. " W ant m e to . . . ju st g o h ead a nd r e ad ?" "S ure ," I s a y.

We b oth ta k e d eep b re ath s a nd s h e b egin s r e ad in g in a s lo w , s te ad y v o ic e. "M y fir s t w hit e b ab y to e ver lo ok a fte r w as n am ed A lt o n C arrin gto n S peers . I t w as 1 924 a nd I 'd ju st tu rn ed fif te en y ears o ld . A lt o n w as a lo ng, s k in ny b ab y w it h h air fin e a s s ilk o n a c o rn . . ." I b egin ty p in g a s s h e r e ad s, h er w ord s r h yth m ic , p ro no unced m ore c le arly th an h er u su al ta lk . " E very win d ow in th at filt h y h o use w as p ain te d s h ut o n th e in sid e, e ven th o ugh th e h o use w as b ig w it h a wid e g re en la w n. I k new th e a ir w as b ad , fe lt s ic k m yse lf . . ." "H ang o n," I s a y. I 'v e ty p ed wid e g re em .

I b lo w o n th e ty p in g flu id , r e ty p e it . " O kay, g o a head ." "W hen th e m am a d ie d , s ix m onth s la te r," s h e r e ad s, " o f th e lu ng d is e ase , th ey k ep t m e o n to r a is e Alt o n u ntil th ey m oved a w ay to M em phis . I lo ved th at b ab y a nd h e lo ved m e a nd th at's w hen I knew I w as g o od a t m ak in g c hild re n fe el p ro ud o f th em se lv es . . ." I h ad n't w ante d to in su lt A ib ile en w hen s h e to ld m e h er id ea. I tr ie d to u rg e h er o ut o f it , o ver th e pho ne. " W rit in g is n 't th at e asy. A nd y o u w ould n't h ave tim e fo r th is a nyw ay, A ib ile en, n o t w it h a fu ll- tim e jo b." "C an't b e m uch d if fe re nt th an w rit in g m y p ra yers e very n ig ht." It w as th e fir s t in te re stin g th in g s h e'd to ld m e a b out h ers e lf s in ce w e'd s ta rte d th e p ro je ct, s o I 'd gra b bed th e s h o ppin g p ad in th e p antr y . " Y ou d on't s a y y o ur p ra yers , th en?" "I n ever to ld n o body th at b efo re . N ot e ven M in ny. F in d I c an g et m y p oin t a cro ss a lo t b ette r w rit in g em d ow n." "S o th is is w hat y o u d o o n th e w eek end s? " I a sk ed . " In y o ur s p are tim e?" I lik ed th e id ea o f cap tu rin g h er lif e o uts id e o f w ork , w hen s h e w asn 't u nd er th e e ye o f E liz a b eth L eefo lt .

"O h n o , I w rit e a h o ur, s o m etim es tw o e ver d ay. L ot a a ilin g, s ic k p eo ple s in th is to w n." I w as im pre sse d . T hat w as m ore th an I w ro te o n s o m e d ays. I to ld h er w e'd tr y it ju st to g et th e pro je ct g o in g a gain .

Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , a s w allo w o f C oke, a nd r e ad s o n.

She b ack tr a ck s to h er fir s t jo b a t th ir te en, c le anin g th e F ra ncis th e F ir s t s ilv er s e rv ic e a t th e go vern o r's m ansio n. S he r e ad s h o w o n h er fir s t m orn in g, s h e m ad e a m is ta k e o n th e c hart w here y o u fille d in th e n um ber o f p ie ces s o th ey'd k no w y o u h ad n't s to le n a nyth in g.

"I c o m e h o m e th at m orn in g, a fte r I b een fir e d , a nd s to od o uts id e m y h o use w it h m y n ew w ork s h o es on. T he s h o es m y m am a p aid a m onth 's w orth a lig ht b ill fo r. I g uess th at's w hen I u nd ers to od w hat sh am e w as a nd th e c o lo r o f it to o. S ham e a in 't b la ck , lik e d ir t, lik e I a lw ays th o ught it w as. S ham e be th e c o lo r o f a n ew w hit e u nif o rm y o ur m oth er ir o ned a ll n ig ht to p ay fo r, w hit e w it h o ut a s m ud ge or a s p eck a w ork -d ir t o n it ." Aib ile en lo oks u p to s e e w hat I th in k . I s to p ty p in g. I 'd e xp ecte d th e s to rie s to b e s w eet, g lo ssy. I re aliz e I m ig ht b e g ettin g m ore th an I 'd b arg ain ed fo r. S he r e ad s o n.

". . . s o I g o o n a nd g et th e c hif fa ro be s tr a ig hte ned o ut a nd b efo re I k no w it , th at lit tle w hit e b oy done c ut h is fin gers c le an o ff in th at w in d ow fa n I a sk ed h er to ta k e o ut te n tim es. I n ever s e en th at much r e d c o m e o ut a p ers o n a nd I g ra b th e b oy, I g ra b th em fo ur fin gers . T ote h im to th e c o lo re d ho sp it a l c ause I d id n't k no w w here th e w hit e o ne w as. B ut w hen I g o t th ere , a c o lo re d m an s to p m e and s a y, Is t h is b oy w hit e ?

" T he ty p ew rit e r k eys a re c la ck in g lik e h ail o n a r o of. A ib ile en is r e ad in g fa ste r a nd I a m ig no rin g m y m is ta k es, s to ppin g h er o nly to p ut in a no th er p age. E very e ig ht s e co nd s, I flin g th e c arria ge a sid e.

"A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Is t h em h is w hit e f in gers?

A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Well, y o u bette r t e ll e m h e y o ur h ig h y ello w c a use t h at c o lo re d d octo r w on't o pera te o n a w hit e b oy in a Neg ro h osp it a l.

A nd th en a w hit e p olic em an g ra b m e a nd h e s a y, Now y o u lo ok a h ere -- " She s to ps. L ooks u p . T he c la ck in g c ease s.

"W hat? T he p olic em an s a id lo ok a h ere w hat? " "W ell, th at's a ll I p ut d ow n. H ad to c atc h th e b us fo r w ork th is m orn in g." I h it th e r e tu rn a nd th e ty p ew rit e r d in gs. A ib ile en a nd I lo ok e ach o th er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. I th in k th is mig ht a ctu ally w ork .

ch ap te r 1 2 E V ERY O TH ER N IG HT fo r th e n ext tw o w eek s, I te ll M oth er I 'm o ff to fe ed th e h ungry a t th e C anto n P re sb yte ria n C hurc h, w here w e, fo rtu nate ly , k no w n o t a s o ul. O f c o urs e s h e'd r a th er I g o d ow n to th e F ir s t P re sb yte ria n, b ut M oth er's n o t o ne to a rg ue w it h C hris tia n w ork s a nd s h e n o ds a p pro vin gly , te lls m e o n th e s id e to m ak e s u re I w ash m y h and s th o ro ughly w it h s o ap a fte rw ard .

H our a fte r h o ur, in A ib ile en's k it c hen, s h e r e ad s h er w rit in g a nd I ty p e, th e d eta ils th ic k enin g, th e b ab ie s' fa ces s lid in g in to fo cus. A t fir s t, I 'm d is a p poin te d th at A ib ile en is d oin g m ost o f th e w rit in g, w it h m e ju st e d it in g. B ut if M is su s S te in lik es it , I 'll b e w rit in g th e o th er m aid s' s to rie s a nd th at w ill b e m ore th an e no ugh w ork .

If s h e lik es it ... I fin d m yse lf s a yin g th is o ver a nd o ver in m y h ead , h o pin g it m ig ht m ak e it s o .

A ib ile en's w rit in g is c le ar, h o nest. I te ll h er s o .

" W ell, lo ok w ho I b een w rit in g to ." S he c huck le s. " C an't lie to G od." B efo re I w as b orn , s h e a ctu ally p ic k ed c o tto n fo r a w eek a t L ongle af, m y o w n fa m ily 's fa rm . O nce s h e la p se s in to ta lk in g a b out C onsta ntin e w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g.

" L aw , th at C onsta ntin e c o uld s in g. L ik e a p ure b re d a ngel s ta nd in g in th e fr o nt a th e c hurc h. G iv e e verb ody c hills , lis te nin g to th at s ilk y v o ic e a h ers a nd w hen s h e w ould n't s in g n o m ore a fte r s h e h ad t o g iv e h er b ab y to --" S he s to ps. L ooks a t m e.

S he s a ys, " A nyw ay." I te ll m yse lf n o t to p re ss h er. I w is h I c o uld h ear e very th in g s h e k no w s a b out C onsta ntin e, b ut I 'll w ait u ntil w e'v e fin is h ed h er in te rv ie w s. I d on't w ant to p ut a nyth in g b etw een u s n o w .

" A ny w ord fr o m M in ny y et? " I a sk . " If M is su s S te in lik es it ," I s a y, p ra ctic ally c hantin g th e fa m ilia r w ord s, " I ju st w ant to h ave th e n ext in te rv ie w s e t u p a nd r e ad y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I a sk ed M in ny th re e tim es a nd s h e s till s a y s h e a in 't g o ne d o it . I s p ec it 's t im e I b elie ved h er." I tr y n o t to s h o w m y w orry . " M ayb e y o u c o uld a sk s o m e o th ers ? S ee if th ey'r e in te re ste d ?" I a m p osit iv e th at A ib ile en w ould h ave b ette r lu ck c o nvin cin g s o m eo ne th an I w ould .

A ib ile en n o ds. " I g o t s o m e m ore I c an a sk . B ut h o w lo ng y o u th in k it 's g o ne ta k e fo r th is la d y to te ll y o u if s h e lik e it ? " I s h ru g. " I d on't k no w . I f w e m ail it n ext w eek , m ayb e w e'll h ear fr o m h er b y m id -F eb ru ary . B ut I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." A ib ile en p re sse s h er lip s to geth er, lo oks d ow n a t h er p ages. I s e e s o m eth in g th at I h aven't n o tic ed b efo re . A ntic ip atio n, a g lin t o f e xcit e m ent. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in m y o w n s e lf , it h asn 't o ccurre d to m e th at A ib ile en m ig ht b e a s th rille d a s I a m th at a n e d it o r in N ew Y ork is g o in g to r e ad h er s to ry . I s m ile a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath , m y h o pe g ro w in g s tr o nger.

On o ur fif th s e ssio n, A ib ile en r e ad s to m e a b out th e d ay T re elo re d ie d . S he r e ad s a b out h o w h is bro ken b ody w as th ro w n o n th e b ack o f a p ic k up b y th e w hit e fo re m an. " A nd th en th ey d ro pped him o ff a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. T hat's w hat th e n urs e to ld m e, w ho w as s ta nd in g o uts id e. T hey r o lle d him o ff th e tr u ck b ed a nd th e w hit e m en d ro ve a w ay." A ib ile en d oesn 't c ry , ju st le ts a p arc el o f tim e pass w hile I s ta re a t th e ty p ew rit e r, s h e a t th e w orn b la ck tile s.

On th e s ix th s e ssio n, A ib ile en s a ys, " I w ent to w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt in 1 960. W hen M ae M oble y tw o w eek s o ld ," a nd I fe el I 'v e p asse d th ro ugh a le ad en g ate o f c o nfid ence. S he d esc rib es th e build in g o f th e g ara ge b ath ro om , a d m it s s h e is g la d it is th ere n o w . I t's e asie r th an lis te nin g to H illy co m pla in a b out s h arin g a to ile t w it h th e m aid . S he te lls m e th at I o nce c o m mente d th at c o lo re d peo ple a tte nd to o m uch c hurc h. T hat s tu ck w it h h er. I c rin ge, w ond erin g w hat e ls e I 'v e s a id , n ever su sp ectin g th e h elp w as lis te nin g o r c are d .

One n ig ht s h e s a ys, " I w as th in k in g . . ." B ut th en s h e s to ps.

I lo ok u p fr o m th e ty p ew rit e r, w ait . I t to ok A ib ile en v o m it in g o n h ers e lf fo r m e to le arn to le t h er ta k e h er tim e.

"I's th in k in g I o ught to d o s o m e r e ad in g. M ig ht h elp m e w it h m y o w n w rit in g." "G o d ow n to th e S ta te S tr e et L ib ra ry . T hey h ave a w ho le r o om fu ll o f S outh ern w rit e rs . F aulk ner, Eud ora W elt y --" Aib ile en g iv es m e a d ry c o ugh. " Y ou k no w c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a llo w ed in th at lib ra ry ." I s it th ere a s e co nd , fe elin g s tu p id . " I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t th at." T he c o lo re d lib ra ry m ust b e p re tty bad . T here w as a s it - in a t th e w hit e lib ra ry a fe w y ears a go a nd it m ad e th e p ap ers . W hen th e co lo re d c ro w d s h o w ed u p fo r th e s it - in tr ia l, th e p olic e d ep artm ent s im ply s te p ped b ack a nd tu rn ed th e G erm an s h ep herd s lo ose . I lo ok a t A ib ile en a nd a m r e m in d ed , o nce a gain , th e r is k s h e's ta k in g ta lk in g to m e. " I'll b e g la d to p ic k th e b ooks u p fo r y o u," I s a y.

Aib ile en h urrie s to th e b ed ro om a nd c o m es b ack w it h a lis t. " I b ette r m ark th e o nes I w ant fir s t. I been o n th e w ait in g lis t fo r To K ill a M ock in gbir d a t th e C arv er L ib ra ry n ear b out th re e m onth s no w . L ess s e e . . ." I w atc h a s s h e p uts c heck m ark s n ext to th e b ooks:

The S ouls o f B la ck F olk b y W . E . B . D u B ois , poem s b y E m ily D ic k in so n ( a ny), The A dven tu re s o f H uck le b erry F in n.

"I r e ad s o m e a th at b ack in s c ho ol, b ut I d id n't g et to fin is h ." S he k eep s m ark in g, s to ppin g to th in k whic h o ne s h e w ants n ext.

"Y ou w ant a b ook b y . . . S ig m und F re ud ?" "O h, p eo ple c ra zy." S he n o ds. " I lo ve r e ad in g a b out h o w th e h ead w ork . Y ou e ver d re am y o u fa ll in a la k e? H e s a y y o u d re am in g a b out y o ur o w n s e lf b ein g b orn . M is s F ra nces, w ho I w ork fo r in 1957, s h e h ad a ll th em b ooks." On h er tw elf th tit le , I h ave to k no w . " A ib ile en, h o w lo ng h ave y o u b een w antin g to a sk m e th is ? I f I 'd check th ese b ooks o ut fo r y o u?" "A w hile ." S he s h ru gs. " I g uess I 's a fr a id to m entio n it ." "D id y o u . . . th in k I 'd s a y n o ?" "T hese is w hit e r u le s. I d on't k no w w hic h o nes y o u fo llo w in g a nd w hic h o nes y o u a in 't ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . " I'm tir e d o f th e r u le s," I s a y.

Aib ile en c huck le s a nd lo oks o ut th e w in d ow . I r e aliz e h o w th in th is r e vela tio n m ust s o und to h er.

FO R F O UR D AY S S TR A IG HT, I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r in m y b ed ro om . T w enty o f m y ty p ed p ages, fu ll o f s la sh es a nd r e d -c ir c le d e d it s , b eco m e th ir ty -o ne o n th ic k S tr a th m ore w hit e . I w rit e a s h o rt bio gra p hy o f S ara h R oss, th e n am e A ib ile en c ho se , a fte r h er s ix th -g ra d e te acher w ho d ie d y ears ago . I in clu d e h er a ge, w hat h er p are nts d id fo r a liv in g. I fo llo w th is w it h A ib ile en's o w n s to rie s, ju st as s h e w ro te th em , s im ple , s tr a ig htfo rw ard .

On d ay th re e, M oth er c alls u p th e s ta ir s to a sk w hat in th e w orld I 'm d oin g u p th ere a ll d ay a nd I ho lle r d ow n, Ju st t y p in g u p s o m e n ote s f ro m t h e B ib le s tu dy. J u st w rit in g d ow n a ll t h e t h in gs I lo ve a bout J esu s.

I h ear h er te ll D ad dy, in th e k it c hen a fte r s u p per, " S he's u p to s o m eth in g." I c arry my lit tle w hit e b ap tis m B ib le a ro und th e h o use , to m ak e it m ore b elie vab le .

I r e ad a nd r e -re ad a nd th en ta k e th e p ages to A ib ile en in th e e venin gs a nd s h e d oes th e s a m e. S he sm ile s a nd n o ds o ver th e n ic e p arts w here e very o ne g ets a lo ng fin e b ut o n th e b ad p arts s h e ta k es off h er b la ck r e ad in g g la sse s a nd s a ys, " I k no w I w ro te it , b ut y o u r e ally w ant to p ut th at in a b out th e--" And I s a y, " Y es, I d o." B ut I a m s u rp ris e d m yse lf b y w hat's in th ese s to rie s, o f s e p ara te c o lo re d re fr ig era to rs a t th e g o vern o r's m ansio n, o f w hit e w om en th ro w in g tw o-y ear- o ld fit s o ver w rin k le d nap kin s, w hit e b ab ie s c allin g A ib ile en " M am a." At th re e a .m ., w it h o nly tw o w hit e c o rre ctio n m ark s o n w hat is n o w tw enty -se ven p ages, I s lid e th e manusc rip t in to a y ello w e nvelo pe. Y este rd ay, I m ad e a lo ng-d is ta nce p ho ne c all to M is su s S te in 's offic e. H er s e cre ta ry , R uth , s a id s h e w as in a m eetin g. S he to ok d ow n m y m essa ge, th at th e in te rv ie w is o n it s w ay. T here w as n o c all b ack fr o m M is su s S te in to day.

I h o ld th e e nvelo pe to m y h eart a nd a lm ost w eep fr o m e xhaustio n, d oub t. I m ail it a t th e C anto n P .

O. th e n ext m orn in g. I c o m e h o m e a nd lie d ow n o n m y o ld ir o n b ed , w orry in g o ver w hat w ill h ap pen . . .

if s h e lik es it .

W hat if E liz a b eth o r H illy c atc hes u s a t w hat w e'r e d oin g? W hat if A ib ile en g ets fir e d , s e nt to ja il? I fe el lik e I 'm fa llin g d ow n a lo ng s p ir a l tu nnel. G od, w ould th ey b eat h er th e w ay th ey b eat th e c o lo re d b oy w ho u se d th e w hit e b ath ro om ? W hat a m I d oin g? W hy a m I p uttin g h er a t su ch r is k ?

I g o to s le ep . I h ave n ig htm are s fo r th e n ext fif te en h o urs s tr a ig ht. IT 's a Q UARTER P A ST O NE a nd H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I a re s it tin g a t E liz a b eth 's d in in g r o om ta b le w ait in g o n L ou A nne to s h o w u p . I 'v e h ad n o th in g to e at to day e xcep t M oth er's s e xual- co rre ctio n te a a nd I fe el n ause o us, ju m py. M y fo ot is w aggin g u nd er th e ta b le . I 'v e b een lik e th is fo r te n d ays, e ver s in ce I m aile d A ib ile en's s to rie s to E la in e S te in . I c alle d o nce a nd R uth s a id s h e passe d it o n to h er fo ur d ays a go , b ut s till I 'v e h eard n o th in g.

"Is th is n o t ju st th e r u d est th in g y o u'v e e ver h eard o f ? " H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h a nd s c o w ls . T his is Lou A nne's s e co nd tim e to b e la te . S he w on't la st lo ng in o ur g ro up w it h H illy a ro und .

Aib ile en w alk s in th e d in in g r o om a nd I d o m y b est n o t to lo ok a t h er fo r to o lo ng. I a m a fr a id H illy or E liz a b eth w ill s e e s o m eth in g in m y e yes.

"S to p jig glin g y o ur fo ot, S keete r. Y ou'r e s h ak in g th e w ho le e ntir e ta b le ," H illy s a ys.

Aib ile en m oves a ro und th e r o om in h er e asy, w hit e -u nif o rm ed s tr id e, n o t s h o w in g e ven a h in t o f what w e'v e d one. I g uess s h e's g ro w n d eft a t h id in g h er fe elin gs.

Hilly s h uffle s a nd d eals o ut a h and o f g in r u m my. I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e g am e, b ut lit tle fa cts keep ju m pin g in m y h ead e very tim e I lo ok a t E liz a b eth . A bout M ae M oble y u sin g th e g ara ge bath ro om , h o w A ib ile en c an't k eep h er lu nch in th e L eefo lt s ' r e fr ig era to r. S m all d eta ils I 'm p riv y to no w .

Aib ile en o ffe rs m e a b is c uit fr o m a s ilv er tr a y. S he fills m y ic ed te a lik e w e a re th e s tr a ngers w e w ere meant to b e. I 'v e b een to h er h o use tw ic e s in ce I m aile d th e p ack age to N ew Y ork , b oth tim es to tr a d e o ut h er lib ra ry b ooks. S he s till w ears th e g re en d re ss w it h b la ck p ip in g w hen I c o m e o ver.

Som etim es s h e'll s lip o ff h er s h o es u nd er th e ta b le . L ast tim e, s h e p ulle d o ut a p ack o f M ontc la ir s and s m oked r ig ht th ere w it h m e in th e r o om a nd th at w as k in d o f s o m eth in g, th e c asu aln ess o f it . I had o ne to o. N ow s h e is c le arin g a w ay m y c ru m bs w it h th e s te rlin g s ilv er s c ra p er I g ave to E liz a b eth and R ale ig h fo r th eir w ed din g.

"W ell, w hile w e w ait , I h ave s o m e n ew s," E liz a b eth s a ys a nd I r e co gniz e th e lo ok o n h er fa ce alr e ad y, th e s e cre tiv e n o d, o ne h and o n h er s to m ach.

"I'm p re gnant." S he s m ile s, h er m outh tr e m blin g a lit tle .

"T hat's g re at," I s a y. I p ut d ow n m y c ard s a nd to uch h er a rm . S he tr u ly lo oks lik e s h e m ig ht c ry .

"W hen a re y o u d ue?" "O cto ber." "W ell, it 's a b out tim e," H illy s a ys, g iv in g h er a h ug. " M ae M oble y's p ra ctic ally g ro w n." Eliz a b eth lig hts a c ig are tte , s ig hs. S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c ard s. " W e'r e a ll r e al e xcit e d ." While w e p la y a fe w p ra ctic e h and s, H illy a nd E liz a b eth ta lk a b out b ab y n am es. I tr y to c o ntr ib ute to th e c o nvers a tio n. " D efin it e ly R ale ig h, if it 's a b oy," I a d d. H illy ta lk s a b out W illia m 's c am paig n. H e's ru nnin g fo r s ta te s e nate n ext y ear, e ven th o ugh h e h as n o p olit ic al e xp erie nce. I 'm g ra te fu l w hen Eliz a b eth te lls A ib ile en to g o a head a nd s e rv e lu nch.

When A ib ile en c o m es b ack in w it h th e g ela tin s a la d , H illy s tr a ig hte ns in h er c hair . " A ib ile en, I h ave an o ld c o at fo r y o u a nd a s a ck o f c lo th es fr o m M is su s W alt e rs ' h o use ." S he d ab s h er m outh w it h h er nap kin . " S o y o u c o m e o n o ut to th e c ar a fte r lu nch a nd p ic k it a ll u p , a lr ig ht? " "Y es m a'a m ." "D on't fo rg et n o w . I c an't w orry w it h b rin gin g th em b y a gain ." "O h n o w is n 't th at n ic e o f M is s H illy , A ib ile en?" E liz a b eth n o ds. " Y ou g o o n a nd g et th o se c lo th es rig ht a fte r w e'r e d one." "Y es m a'a m ." Hilly r a is e s h er v o ic e a b out th re e o cta ves h ig her w hen s h e ta lk s to c o lo re d p eo ple . E liz a b eth s m ile s lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , a lt h o ugh c erta in ly n o t h er o w n. I a m s ta rtin g to n o tic e th in gs.

By th e tim e L ou A nne T em ple to n s h o w s u p , w e'v e fin is h ed o ur s h rim p a nd g rit s a nd a re ju st s ta rtin g on d esse rt. H illy is a m azin gly fo rg iv in g. L ou A nne w as la te , a fte r a ll, b ecause o f a L eague d uty .

Afte rw ard , I te ll E liz a b eth c o ngra tu la tio ns a gain , w alk o ut to m y c ar. A ib ile en is o uts id e c o lle ctin g her g ently u se d c o at fr o m 1 942 a nd o ld c lo th es th at, fo r s o m e r e aso n, H illy w on't g iv e to h er o w n maid , Y ule M ay. H illy s tr id es o ver to m e, h and s m e a n e nvelo pe.

"F or th e n ew sle tte r n ext w eek . Y ou'll b e s u re a nd g et it in fo r m e?" I n o d a nd H illy w alk s b ack to h er c ar. J u st a s A ib ile en o pens th e fr o nt d oor to g o b ack in th e h o use , sh e g la nces b ack m y w ay. I s h ak e m y h ead , m outh th e w ord Noth in g.

S he n o ds a nd g o es o n in th e ho use .

That n ig ht, I w ork o n th e n ew sle tte r, w is h in g I w as w ork in g o n th e s to rie s in ste ad . I g o th ro ugh th e no te s fr o m th e la st L eague m eetin g, a nd c o m e a cro ss H illy 's e nvelo pe. I o pen it . I t is o ne p age, writ te n in H illy 's fa t, c urly p en:

Hilly H olb ro ok in tro duces t h e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e. A d is e a se p re v en ta tiv e mea su re . L ow -c o st b ath ro om in sta lla tio n in y o ur g ara ge o r s h ed , f o r h om es w it h out s u ch a n im porta nt f ix tu re .

Ladie s, d id y o u k now t h at:

* 99% o f a ll c o lo re d d is e a se s a re c a rrie d in t h e u rin e * Whit e s c a n b eco m e p erm anen tly d is a ble d b y n ea rly a ll o f t h ese d is e a se s b eca use w e la ck im munit ie s c o lo re d s c a rry in t h eir d ark er p ig m en ta tio n * Som e g erm s c a rrie d b y w hit e s c a n a ls o b e h arm fu l t o c o lo re d s t o o P ro te ct y o urse lf . P ro te ct yo ur c h ild re n . P ro te ct y o ur h elp .

Fro m t h e H olb ro oks, w e s a y, Y o u'r e w elc o m e!

TH E P H O NE r in gs in T H E k it c hen a nd I p ra ctic ally fa ll o ver m yse lf r a cin g to it . B ut P asc ago ula h as alr e ad y a nsw ere d it .

"M is s C harlo tte r e sid ence." I s ta re h er d ow n, w atc h a s tin y P asc ago ula n o ds, s a ys, " Y es m a'a m , s h e h ere ," a nd h and s m e th e pho ne.

"T his is E ugenia ," I s a y q uic k ly . D ad dy's in th e fie ld s a nd M oth er's a t a d octo r's a p poin tm ent in to w n, s o I s tr e tc h th e b la ck , tw is tin g p ho ne c o rd to th e k it c hen ta b le .

"E la in e S te in h ere ." I b re ath e d eep . " Y es m a'a m . D id y o u r e ceiv e m y p ack age?" "I d id ," s h e s a ys a nd th en b re ath es in to th e p ho ne a fe w s e co nd s.

"T his S ara h R oss. I lik e h er s to rie s. S he lik es to k vetc h w it h o ut c o m pla in in g to o m uch." I n o d. I d on't k no w w hat kvetc h m eans, b ut I th in k it m ust b e g o od.

"B ut I s till s ta nd b y m y o pin io n th at a b ook o f in te rv ie w s . . . o rd in arily w ould n't w ork . I t's n o t fic tio n, b ut it 's n o t n o nfic tio n e it h er. P erh ap s it 's a nth ro polo gic al b ut th at's a g hastly c ate go ry to b e in ." "B ut y o u . . . lik ed it ? " "E ugenia ," s h e s a ys, e xhalin g h er c ig are tte s m oke in to th e p ho ne. " H ave y o u s e en th e c o ver o f Lif e magazin e th is w eek ?" I h aven't s e en th e c o ver o f m y Lif e m agazin e in a m onth , I 'v e b een s o b usy.

"M artin L uth er K in g, d ear. H e ju st a nno unced a m arc h o n D .C . a nd in vit e d e very N egro in A meric a to jo in h im . E very w hit e p ers o n, fo r th at m atte r. T his m any N egro a nd w hit e p eo ple h aven't w ork ed to geth er s in ce Gone W it h t h e W in d.

" "Y es, I d id h ear a b out th e . . . m arc hin g . . . e vent," I lie . I c o ver m y e yes, w is h in g I 'd r e ad th e p ap er th is w eek . I s o und lik e a n id io t.

"M y a d vic e to y o u is , w rit e it a nd w rit e it fa st. T he m arc h is in A ugust. Y ou s h o uld h ave it w rit te n b y New Y ear's ." I g asp . S he's te llin g m e to w rit e it ! S he's te llin g m e . . . " A re y o u s a yin g y o u'll p ub lis h it ? I f I c an w rit e it b y--" "I s a id n o th in g o f th e s o rt," s h e s n ap s. " I w ill r e ad it . I lo ok a t a h und re d m anusc rip ts a m onth a nd re je ct n early a ll o f th em ." "S orry , I ju st . . . I 'll w rit e it ," I s a y. " I'll h ave it fin is h ed in J a nuary ." "A nd fo ur o r fiv e in te rv ie w s w on't b e e no ugh fo r a b ook. Y ou'll n eed a d oze n, m ayb e m ore . Y ou have m ore in te rv ie w s s e t u p , I a ssu m e?" I p re ss m y lip s to geth er. " S om e . . . m ore ." "G ood. T hen g et g o in g. B efo re th is c iv il r ig hts th in g b lo w s o ver." TH AT E V EN IN G, I g o to A ib ile en's . I h and h er th re e m ore b ooks fr o m h er lis t. M y b ack h urts fr o m le anin g o ver th e ty p ew rit e r. T his a fte rn o on, I w ro te d ow n e very o ne I k no w w ho h as a m aid (w hic h is e very o ne I k no w ), a nd th eir m aid 's n am e. B ut s o m e o f th e n am es I c an't r e m em ber.

"T hank y o u, o h L aw , lo ok a t th is ." S he s m ile s a nd flip s to th e fir s t p age o f Wald en , lo oks lik e s h e wants to s ta rt r e ad in g it r ig ht th ere .

"I s p oke to M is su s S te in th is a fte rn o on," I s a y.

Aib ile en's h and s fr e eze o n th e b ook. " I k new s o m eth in g w as w ro ng. I s e en it o n y o ur fa ce." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . " S he s a id s h e lik es y o ur s to rie s v ery m uch. B ut . . . s h e w on't s a y if s h e'll pub lis h it u ntil w e'v e w rit te n th e w ho le th in g." I tr y to lo ok o ptim is tic . " W e h ave to b e fin is h ed ju st afte r th e n ew y ear." "B ut th at's g o od n ew s, a in 't it ? " I n o d