Why do you think that Hilly has so much influence over Elizabeth and even Skeeter? Do you think Skeeter likes her very much? Why does she remain friends with her?

The H elp KATH RYN S T O CK ETT Penguin G ro up U SA Table o f C onte nts C opyrig ht P age D ed ic a tio n A IB IL EEN c hap te r 1 - A ugust 1 962 c hap te r 2 M IN NY c hap te r 3 c hap te r 4 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 5 c hap te r 6 A IB IL EEN c hap te r 7 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 8 c hap te r 9 M IN NY c hap te r 1 0 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 1 1 c hap te r 1 2 c hap te r 1 3 A IB IL EEN chap te r 1 4 chap te r 1 5 chap te r 1 6 MIN NY chap te r 1 7 chap te r 1 8 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 1 9 chap te r 2 0 chap te r 2 1 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 2 chap te r 2 3 MIN NY chap te r 2 4 TH E B EN EFIT chap te r 2 5 MIN NY chap te r 2 6 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 2 7 chap te r 2 8 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 9 MIN NY chap te r 3 0 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 1 MIN NY chap te r 3 2 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 3 3 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 4 Ack now le d gem en ts TO O L IT TLE , T O O L ATE ABO U T T H E A U TH OR AM Y E IN HORN B O OKS Pub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Publis h ers S in ce 1 838 Pub lis h ed b y th e P enguin G ro up Penguin G ro up ( U SA ) I n c., 3 75 H ud so n S tr e et, N ew Y ork , N ew Y ork 1 0014, U SA P enguin Gro up ( C anad a), 9 0 E glin to n A venue E ast, S uit e 7 00, T oro nto , O nta rio M 4P 2 Y 3, C anad a ( a d iv is io n o f Pears o n C anad a I n c.) P enguin B ooks L td , 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd P enguin Ire la nd , 2 5 S t S te p hen's G re en, D ub lin 2 , I re la nd ( a d iv is io n o f P enguin B ooks L td ) P enguin Gro up ( A ustr a lia ), 2 50 C am berw ell R oad , C am berw ell, V ic to ria 3 124, A ustr a lia ( a d iv is io n of P ears o n A ustr a lia G ro up P ty L td ) P enguin B ooks I n d ia P vt L td , 1 1 C om munit y C entr e , Panchsh eel P ark , N ew D elh i- 1 1 0 0 17, I n d ia P enguin G ro up ( N Z), 6 7 A pollo D riv e, R ose d ale , North S ho re 0 632, N ew Z eala nd ( a d iv is io n o f P ears o n N ew Z eala nd L td ) P enguin B ooks (S outh A fr ic a) ( P ty ) L td , 2 4 S tu rd ee A venue, R ose b ank , J o hannesb urg 2 196, S outh A fr ic a Penguin B ooks L td , R egis te re d O ffic es: 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd Fir s t p ub lis h ed in th e U nit e d S ta te s b y A my E in ho rn B ooks, p ub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Copyrig ht ( c ) 2 009 b y K ath ry n S to ck ett All r ig hts r e se rv ed . N o p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , s c anned , o r d is tr ib ute d in a ny prin te d or e le ctr o nic fo rm w it h o ut p erm is sio n. P le ase d o n o t p artic ip ate in o r e nco ura ge p ir a cy o f co pyrig hte d mate ria ls in v io la tio n o f th e a uth o r's r ig hts . P urc hase o nly a uth o riz e d e d it io ns.

Pub lis h ed s im ult a neo usly in C anad a A C IP c ata lo gue r e co rd o f th is b ook is a vaila b le fr o m th e U .S . L ib ra ry o f C ongre ss.

This is a w ork o f fic tio n. N am es, c hara cte rs , p la ces, a nd in cid ents e it h er a re th e p ro duct o f th e auth o r's im agin atio n o r a re u se d fic tit io usly , a nd a ny r e se m bla nce to a ctu al p ers o ns, liv in g o r d ead , busin esse s, c o m panie s, e vents , o r lo cale s is e ntir e ly c o in cid enta l.

While th e a uth o r h as m ad e e very e ffo rt to p ro vid e a ccura te te le p ho ne n um bers a nd I n te rn et ad dre sse s at th e tim e o f p ub lic atio n, n eit h er th e p ub lis h er n o r th e a uth o r a ssu m es a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r e rro rs , or fo r c hanges th at o ccur a fte r p ub lic atio n. F urth er, th e p ub lis h er d oes n o t h ave a ny c o ntr o l o ver and d oes n o t a ssu m e a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r a uth o r o r th ir d -p arty w eb sit e s o r th eir c o nte nt.

eIS B N : 9 78-1 -4 40-6 9763-0 http :/ /u s.p enguin gro up .c o m T o G ra nd ad dy S to ck ett, th e b est s to ry te lle r o f a ll AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 August 1 962 M AE M OBLEY w as b orn o n a e arly S und ay m orn in g in A ugust, 1 960. A c hurc h b ab y w e lik e to c all it . T ak in g c are a w hit e b ab ie s, th at's w hat I d o, a lo ng w it h a ll th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. I d one r a is e d s e vente en k id s in m y lif e tim e. I k no w h o w to g et th em b ab ie s to s le ep , s to p c ry in g, a nd g o in th e to ile t b ow l b efo re th ey m am as e ven g et o ut a b ed in th e m orn in g.

B ut I a in 't n ever s e en a b ab y y ell lik e M ae M oble y L eefo lt . F ir s t d ay I w alk in th e d oor, th ere s h e b e, r e d -h o t a nd h o lle rin g w it h th e c o lic , fig htin g th at b ottle lik e it 's a r o tte n tu rn ip . M is s L eefo lt , s h e l o ok te rrif ie d a h er o w n c hild . " W hat a m I d oin g w ro ng? W hy c an't I s to p it ? " I t?

T hat w as m y fir s t h in t: s o m eth in g is w ro ng w it h th is s it u atio n.

S o I to ok th at p in k , s c re am in g b ab y in m y a rm s. B ounced h er o n m y h ip to g et th e g as m ovin g a nd it d id n't ta k e tw o m in ute s fo re B ab y G ir l s to pped h er c ry in g, g o t to s m ilin g u p a t m e lik e s h e d o. B ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't p ic k u p h er o w n b ab y fo r th e r e st a th e d ay. I s e en p le nty a w om ens g et th e b ab y b lu es a fte r th ey d one b ir th in g. I r e ck on I th o ught th at's w hat it w as.

H ere 's s o m eth in g a b out M is s L eefo lt : s h e n o t ju st fr o w nin g a ll th e tim e, s h e s k in ny. H er le gs is s o s p in d ly , s h e lo ok lik e s h e d one g ro w ed e m la st w eek . T w enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e la nk y a s a f o urte en-y ear- o ld b oy. E ven h er h air is th in , b ro w n, s e e-th ro ugh. S he tr y to te ase it u p , b ut it o nly m ak e it lo ok th in ner. H er fa ce b e th e s a m e s h ap e a s th at r e d d evil o n th e r e d ho t c and y b ox, p oin ty c hin a nd a ll. F act, h er w ho le b ody b e s o fu ll a s h arp k no bs a nd c o rn ers , it 's n o w ond er s h e c an't s o oth e th at b ab y. B ab ie s lik e fa t. L ik e to b ury th ey fa ce u p in y o u a rm pit a nd g o to s le ep . T hey lik e b ig fa t le gs to o. T hat I k no w .

B y th e tim e s h e a y ear o ld , M ae M oble y fo llo w in g m e a ro und e verw here I g o . F iv e o 'c lo ck w ould c o m e r o und a nd s h e'd b e h angin g o n m y D r. S cho ll s h o e, d ra ggin g o ver th e flo or, c ry in g lik e I w ere n't n ever c o m in g b ack . M is s L eefo lt , s h e'd n arro w u p h er e yes a t m e lik e I d one s o m eth in g w ro ng, u nhit c h th at c ry in g b ab y o ff m y fo ot. I r e ck on th at's th e r is k y o u r u n, le ttin g s o m eb ody e ls e r a is e y o u c hillu ns.

M ae M oble y tw o y ears o ld n o w . S he g o t b ig b ro w n e yes a nd h o ney-c o lo r c urls . B ut th e b ald s p ot i n th e b ack o f h er h air k in d a th ro w th in gs o ff. S he g et th e s a m e w rin k le b etw een h er e yeb ro w s w hen s h e w orrie d , lik e h er m am a. T hey k in d a fa vo r e xcep t M ae M oble y s o fa t. S he a in 't g o ne b e n o b eauty q ueen. I th in k it b oth er M is s L eefo lt , b ut M ae M oble y m y s p ecia l b ab y.

I L O ST M Y O W N B O Y, T re elo re , r ig ht b efo re I s ta rte d w ait in g o n M is s L eefo lt . H e w as tw enty - f o ur y ears o ld . T he b est p art o f a p ers o n's lif e . I t ju st w asn 't e no ugh tim e liv in g in th is w orld .

H e h ad h im a lit tle a p artm ent o ver o n F ole y S tr e et. S eein g a r e al n ic e g ir l n am e F ra nces a nd I s p ec th ey w as g o ne g et m arrie d , b ut h e w as s lo w b out th in gs lik e th at. N ot c ause h e lo okin g fo r so m eth in g b ette r, ju st c ause h e th e th in k in g k in d . W ore b ig g la sse s a nd r e ad in g a ll th e tim e. H e e ven sta rt w rit in g h is o w n b ook, b out b ein g a c o lo re d m an liv in g a nd w ork in g in M is sis sip pi. L aw , th at mad e m e p ro ud . B ut o ne n ig ht h e w ork in g la te a t th e S canlo n-T aylo r m ill, lu ggin g tw o-b y-fo urs to th e tr u ck , s p lin te rs s lic in g a ll th e w ay th ro ugh th e g lo ve. H e to o s m all fo r th at k in d a w ork , to o sk in ny, b ut h e n eed ed th e jo b. H e w as tir e d . I t w as r a in in g. H e s lip o ff th e lo ad in g d ock , fe ll d ow n on th e d riv e. T ra cto r tr a ile r d id n't s e e h im a nd c ru sh ed h is lu ngs fo re h e c o uld m ove. B y th e tim e I fo und o ut, h e w as d ead .

That w as th e d ay m y w ho le w orld w ent b la ck . A ir lo ok b la ck , s u n lo ok b la ck . I la id u p in b ed a nd sta re d a t th e b la ck w alls a m y h o use . M in ny c am e e ver d ay to m ak e s u re I w as s till b re ath in g, fe ed me fo od to k eep m e liv in g. T ook th re e m onth s fo re I e ven lo ok o ut th e w in d ow , s e e if th e w orld s till th ere . I w as s u rp ris e to s e e th e w orld d id n't s to p ju st c ause m y b oy d id .

Fiv e m onth s a fte r th e fu nera l, I lif te d m yse lf u p o ut a b ed . I p ut o n m y w hit e u nif o rm a nd p ut m y lit tle go ld c ro ss b ack a ro und m y n eck a nd I w ent to w ait o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st h ave h er b ab y gir l. B ut it w ere n't to o lo ng b efo re I s e en s o m eth in g in m e h ad c hanged . A b it te r s e ed w as p la nte d in sid e a m e. A nd I ju st d id n't fe el s o a ccep tin g a nym ore .

"G ET T H E H O USE s tr a ig hte ned u p a nd th en g o o n a nd fix s o m e o f th at c hic k en s a la d n o w ," s a y Mis s L eefo lt .

It's b rid ge c lu b d ay. E very fo urth W ed nesd ay a th e m onth . A c o urs e I a lr e ad y g o t e verth in g r e ad y to go --m ad e th e c hic k en s a la d th is m orn in g, ir o ned th e ta b le clo th s y este rd ay. M is s L eefo lt s e en m e a t it to o. S he a in 't b ut tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e lik e h earin g h ers e lf te ll m e w hat to d o.

She a lr e ad y g o t th e b lu e d re ss o n I ir o ned th is m orn in g, th e o ne w it h six ty -fiv e p le ats o n th e w ais t, so tin y I g o t to s q uin t th ro ugh m y g la sse s to ir o n. I d on't h ate m uch in lif e , b ut m e a nd th at d re ss is not o n g o od te rm s.

"A nd y o u m ak e s u re M ae M oble y's n o t c o m in g in o n u s, n o w . I te ll y o u, I a m s o b urn ed u p a t h er- - to re u p m y g o od s ta tio nery in to fiv e th o usa nd p ie ces a nd I 'v e g o t fif te en th ank -y o u n o te s fo r th e Ju nio r L eague to d o . . ." I a rra nge th e-th is a nd th e-th at fo r h er la d y fr ie nd s. S et o ut th e g o od c ry sta l, p ut th e s ilv er s e rv ic e out. M is s L eefo lt d on't p ut u p n o d in k y c ard ta b le lik e th e o th er la d ie s d o. W e s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . P ut a c lo th o n to p to c o ver th e b ig L -sh ap ed c ra ck , m ove th at r e d flo w er c ente rp ie ce to th e sid eb oard to h id e w here th e w ood a ll s c ra tc hed . M is s L eefo lt , s h e lik e it fa ncy w hen s h e d o a lu ncheo n. M ayb e s h e tr y in g to m ak e u p fo r h er h o use b ein g s m all. T hey a in 't r ic h fo lk , th at I k no w .

Ric h fo lk d on't tr y s o h ard .

I'm u se d to w ork in g fo r y o ung c o up le s, b ut I s p ec th is is th e s m alle st h o use I e ver w ork ed in . I t's ju st th e o ne s to ry . H er a nd M is te r L eefo lt 's r o om in th e b ack b e a fa ir s iz e , b ut B ab y G ir l's r o om b e tin y. T he d in in g r o om a nd th e r e gula r liv in g r o om k in d a jo in u p . O nly tw o b ath ro om s, w hic h is a re lie f c ause I w ork ed in h o use s w here th ey w as fiv e o r s ix . T ak e a w ho le d ay ju st to c le an to ile ts .

Mis s L eefo lt d on't p ay b ut n in ety -fiv e c ents a n h o ur, le ss th an I b een p aid in y ears . B ut a fte r T re elo re die d , I to ok w hat I c o uld . L and lo rd w asn 't g o ne w ait m uch lo nger. A nd e ven th o ugh it 's s m all, M is s Leefo lt d one th e h o use u p n ic e a s s h e c an. S he p re tty g o od w it h th e s e w in g m achin e. A nyth in g s h e can't b uy n ew o f, s h e ju st g et h er s o m e b lu e m ate ria l a nd s e w it a c o ver.

The d oorb ell r in g a nd I o pen it u p .

"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, c ause s h e th e k in d th at s p eak to th e h elp . " H ow y o u?" "H ey, M is s S keete r. I 'm a lr ig ht. L aw , it 's h o t o ut th ere ." Mis s S keete r r e al ta ll a nd s k in ny. H er h air b e y ello w a nd c ut s h o rt a b ove h er s h o uld ers c ause s h e get th e fr iz z y ear r o und . S he tw enty -th re e o r s o , s a m e a s M is s L eefo lt a nd th e r e st o f e m . S he s e t her p ock etb ook o n th e c hair , k in d a it c h a ro und in h er c lo th es a s e co nd . S he w earin g a w hit e la ce blo use b utto ned u p lik e a n un, fla t s h o es s o I r e ck on s h e d on't lo ok a ny ta lle r. H er b lu e s k ir t g ap s open in th e w ais t. M is s S keete r a lw ays lo ok lik e s o m eb ody e ls e to ld h er w hat to w ear.

I h ear M is s H illy a nd h er m am a, M is s W alt e r, p ull u p th e d riv ew ay a nd to ot th e h o rn . M is s H illy don't liv e b ut te n fe et a w ay, b ut s h e a lw ays d riv e o ver. I le t h er in a nd s h e g o r ig ht p ast m e a nd I fig ure it 's a g o od tim e to g et M ae M oble y u p fr o m h er n ap .

Soon a s I w alk in h er n urs e ry , M ae M oble y s m ile a t m e, r e ach o ut h er fa t lit tle a rm s.

"Y ou a lr e ad y u p , B ab y G ir l? W hy y o u d id n't h o lle r fo r m e?" She la ugh, d ance a lit tle h ap py jig w ait in g o n m e to g et h er o ut. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug. I r e ck on s h e don't g et to o m any g o od h ugs lik e th is a fte r I g o h o m e. E ver s o o fte n, I c o m e to w ork a nd fin d h er baw lin g in h er c rib , M is s L eefo lt b usy o n th e s e w in g m achin e r o llin g h er e yes lik e it 's a s tr a y c at stu ck in th e s c re en d oor. S ee, M is s L eefo lt , s h e d re ss u p n ic e e ver d ay. A lw ays g o t h er m ak eup o n, go t a c arp ort, d oub le -d oor F rig id air e w it h th e b uilt - in ic eb ox. Y ou s e e h er in th e J it n ey 1 4 g ro cery , yo u n ever th in k s h e g o a nd le ave h er b ab y c ry in g in h er c rib lik e th at. B ut th e h elp a lw ays k no w .

Today is a g o od d ay th o ugh. T hat g ir l ju st g rin s.

I s a y, " A ib ile en." She s a y, " A ib -e e." I s a y, " L ove." She s a y, " L ove." I s a y, " M ae M oble y." She s a y, " A ib -e e." A nd th en s h e la ugh a nd la ugh. S he s o tic k le d s h e ta lk in g a nd I g o t to s a y, it 's ab out tim e. T re elo re d id n't s a y n o th in g till h e tw o e it h er. B y th e tim e h e in th ir d g ra d e, th o ugh, h e g et to ta lk in g b ette r th an th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s, c o m in g h o m e u sin g w ord s lik e co nju gatio n and parlia m en ta ry . H e g et in ju nio r h ig h a nd w e p la y th is g am e w here I g iv e h im a r e al s im ple w ord and h e g o t to c o m e u p w it h a fa ncy o ne lik e it . I s a y house ca t , h e s a y dom estic iz e d f e lin e , I s a y mix er a nd h e s a y moto riz e d r o tu nda.

O ne d ay I s a y Cris c o .

H e s c ra tc h h is h ead . H e ju st c an't belie ve I d one w on th e g am e w it h s o m eth in g s im ple a s Cris c o . C am e to b e a s e cre t jo ke w it h u s, meanin g s o m eth in g y o u c an't d re ss u p n o m atte r h o w y o u tr y . W e s ta rt c allin g h is d ad dy Cris c o cause y o u c an't fa ncy u p a m an d one r u n o ff o n h is fa m ily . P lu s h e th e g re asie st n o -c o unt y o u e ver kno w n.

I to te M ae M oble y in to th e k it c hen a nd p ut h er in h er h ig h c hair , th in k in g a b out tw o c ho re s I n eed to fin is h to day fo re M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit : s e p ara te th e n ap kin s th at s ta rte d to fr a y a nd s tr a ig hte n u p th e s ilv er s e rv ic e in th e c ab in et. L aw , I 'm o n h ave to d o it w hile th e la d ie s is h ere , I g uess.

I ta k e th e tr a y a d evil e ggs o ut to th e d in in g r o om . M is s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e h ead a nd to h er le ft b e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok a nd M is s H illy 's m am a, M is s W alt e r, w ho M is s H illy d on't tr e at w it h n o re sp ect. A nd th en o n M is s L eefo lt 's r ig ht b e M is s S keete r.

I m ak e th e e gg r o und s, s ta rtin g w it h o le M is s W alt e r fir s t c ause s h e th e e ld er. I t's w arm in h ere , b ut sh e g o t a th ic k b ro w n s w eate r d ro oped a ro und h er s h o uld ers . S he s c o op a e gg u p a nd n ear b out dro p it c ause s h e g ettin g th e p als y. T hen I m ove o ver to M is s H illy a nd s h e s m ile a nd ta k e tw o. M is s Hilly g o t a r o und fa ce a nd d ark b ro w n h air in th e b eehiv e. H er s k in b e o liv e c o lo r, w it h fr e ck le s a nd mole s. S he w ear a lo t a r e d p la id . A nd s h e g ettin g h eavy in th e b otto m . T oday, s in ce it 's s o h o t, s h e wearin g a r e d s le evele ss d re ss w it h n o w ais t to it . S he o ne a th o se g ro w n la d ie s th at s till d re ss lik e a lit tle g ir l w it h b ig b ow s a nd m atc hin g h ats a nd s u ch. S he a in 't m y fa vo rit e .

I m ove o ver to M is s S keete r, b ut s h e w rin k le h er n o se u p a t m e a nd s a y, " N o, th ank s," c ause s h e don't e at n o e ggs. I te ll M is s L eefo lt e ver tim e s h e h ave th e b rid ge c lu b a nd s h e m ak e m e d o th em eggs a nyw ays. S he s c are d M is s H illy b e d is a p poin te d .

Fin ally , I d o M is s L eefo lt . S he th e h o ste ss s o s h e g o t to p ic k u p h er e ggs la st. A nd s o on a s I 'm done, M is s H illy s a y, " D on't m in d if I d o," a nd s n atc h h ers e lf tw o m ore e ggs, w hic h d on't s u rp ris e me.

"G uess w ho I r a n in to a t th e b eauty p arlo r? " M is s H illy s a y to th e la d ie s.

"W ho 's th at? " a sk M is s L eefo lt .

"C elia F oote . A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e a sk ed m e? I f s h e c o uld h elp w it h th e B enefit th is y ear." "G ood," M is s S keete r s a y. " W e n eed it ." "N ot th at b ad , w e d on't . I to ld h er, I s a id , 'C elia , y o u h ave to b e a L eague m em ber o r a s u sta in er to partic ip ate .' W hat d oes s h e th in k th e J a ck so n L eague is ? O pen r u sh ?" "A re n't w e ta k in g n o nm em bers th is y ear? S in ce th e B enefit 's g o tte n s o b ig ?" M is s S keete r a sk .

"W ell, y es," M is s H illy s a y. " B ut I w asn 't a b out to te ll her th at." "I c an't b elie ve J o hnny m arrie d a g ir l s o ta ck y lik e s h e is ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd M is s H illy n o d. S he sta rt d ealin g o ut th e b rid ge c ard s. I s p oon o ut th e c o ngeale d s a la d a nd th e h am s a nd w ic hes, c an't h elp b ut lis te n to th e c hatte r. O nly th re e th in gs th em la d ie s ta lk a b out: th ey k id s, th ey c lo th es, a nd th ey fr ie nd s. I h ear th e w ord Ken ned y , I k no w th ey a in 't d is c ussin g n o p olit ic . T hey ta lk in g a b out w hat M is s J a ck ie d one w ore o n th e te e-v ee.

When I g et a ro und to M is s W alt e r, s h e d on't ta k e b ut o ne lit tle o ld h alf a s a nd w ic h fo r h ers e lf .

"M am a," M is s H illy y ell a t M is s W alt e r, " T ak e a no th er s a nd w ic h. Y ou a re s k in ny a s a te le p ho ne pole ." M is s H illy lo ok o ver a t th e r e st a th e ta b le . " I k eep te llin g h er, if th at M in ny c an't c o ok s h e need s to ju st g o o n a nd fir e h er." My e ars p erk u p a t th is . T hey ta lk in g b out th e h elp . I 'm b est fr ie nd s w it h M in ny.

"M in ny c o oks fin e," s a y o le M is s W alt e r. " I'm ju st n o t s o h ungry lik e I u se d to b e." Min ny n ear b out th e b est c o ok in H in d s C ounty , m ayb e e ven a ll a M is sis sip pi. T he J u nio r L eague Benefit c o m e a ro und e ver fa ll a nd th ey b e w antin g h er to m ak e te n c ara m el c ak es to a uctio n o ff. S he ought a b e th e m ost s o ught- a fte r h elp in th e s ta te . P ro ble m is , M in ny g o t a m outh o n h er. S he a lw ays ta lk in g b ack . O ne d ay it b e th e w hit e m anager a th e J it n ey J u ngle g ro cery , n ext d ay it b e h er husb and , a nd e ver d ay it 's g o ne b e th e w hit e la d y s h e w ait in g o n. T he o nly r e aso n s h e w ait in g o n Mis s W alt e r s o lo ng is M is s W alt e r b e d eaf a s a d oe-n o b.

"I th in k y o u'r e m aln utr it io ned , M am a," h o lle r M is s H illy . " T hat M in ny is n 't fe ed in g y o u s o th at s h e can s te al e very la st h eir lo om I h ave le ft." M is s H illy h uff o ut a h er c hair . " I'm g o in g to th e p ow der ro om . Y 'a ll w atc h h er in c ase s h e c o lla p se s d ead o f h unger." When M is s H illy g o ne, M is s W alt e r s a y r e al lo w , " I b et y o u'd lo ve th at." E verb ody a ct lik e th ey did n't h ear. I b ette r c all M in ny to nig ht, te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .

In th e k it c hen, B ab y G ir l's u p in h er h ig h c hair , g o t p urp le ju ic e a ll o ver h er fa ce. S oon a s I w alk in , sh e s m ile . S he d on't m ak e n o fu ss b ein g in h ere b y h ers e lf , b ut I h ate to le ave h er to o lo ng. I k no w sh e s ta re a t th at d oor r e al q uie t till I c o m e b ack .

I p at h er lit tle s o ft h ead a nd g o b ack o ut to p our th e ic e te a. M is s H illy 's b ack in h er c hair lo okin g a ll bow ed u p a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w .

"O h H illy , I w is h y o u'd u se th e g uest b ath ro om ," s a y M is s L eefo lt , r e arra ngin g h er c ard s. " A ib ile en doesn 't c le an in th e b ack u ntil a fte r lu nch." Hilly r a is e h er c hin u p . T hen s h e g iv e o ne a h er " a h-h em 's ." S he g o t th is w ay a c le arin g h er th ro at re al d elic ate -lik e th at g et e verb ody's a tte ntio n w it h o ut th ey e ven k no w in g s h e m ad e e m d o it .

"B ut th e g uest b ath ro om 's w here th e h elp g o es," M is s H illy s a y.

Nobody s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd . T hen M is s W alt e r n o d, lik e s h e e xp la in in g it a ll. " S he's u p se t cause th e N ig ra u se s th e in sid e b ath ro om a nd s o d o w e." Law , n o t th is m ess a gain . T hey a ll lo ok o ver a t m e s tr a ig hte nin g th e s ilv er d ra w er in th e s id eb oard and I k no w it 's tim e fo r m e to le ave. B ut b efo re I c an g et th e la st s p oon in th ere , M is s L eefo lt g iv e me th e lo ok, s a y, " G o g et s o m e m ore te a, A ib ile en." I g o lik e s h e te ll m e to , e ven th o ugh th ey c up s is fu ll to th e r im .

I s ta nd a ro und th e k it c hen a m in ute b ut I a in 't g o t n o th in g le ft to d o in th ere . I n eed to b e in th e d in in g ro om s o I c an fin is h m y s ilv er s tr a ig hte nin g. A nd I s till g o t th e n ap kin c ab in et to s o rt th ro ugh to day but it 's in th e h all, r ig ht o uts id e w here th ey s e ttin g. I d on't w ant a s ta y la te ju st c ause M is s L eefo lt pla yin g c ard s.

I w ait a fe w m in ute s, w ip e a c o unte r. G iv e B ab y G ir l m ore h am a nd s h e g o bble it u p . F in ally , I s lip out to th e h all, p ra y n o body s e e m e.

All fo ur o f e m g o t a c ig are tte in o ne h and , th ey c ard s in th e o th er. " E liz a b eth , if y o u h ad th e c ho ic e," I hear M is s H illy s a y, " w ould n't y o u r a th er th em ta k e th eir b usin ess o uts id e?" Real q uie t, I o pen th e n ap kin d ra w er, m ore c o ncern ed a b out M is s L eefo lt s e ein g m e th an w hat th ey sa yin g. T his ta lk a in 't n ew s to m e. E verw here in to w n th ey g o t a c o lo re d b ath ro om , a nd m ost th e ho use s d o to o. B ut I lo ok o ver a nd M is s S keete r's w atc hin g m e a nd I fr e eze , th in k in g I 'm a b out to get in tr o ub le .

"I b id o ne h eart," M is s W alt e r s a y.

"I d on't k no w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, fr o w nin g a t h er c ard s, " W it h R ale ig h s ta rtin g h is o w n b usin ess a nd ta x s e aso n n o t fo r s ix m onth s . . . th in gs a re r e al tig ht fo r u s r ig ht n o w ." Mis s H illy ta lk s lo w , lik e s h e s p re ad in g ic in g o n a c ak e. " Y ou ju st te ll R ale ig h e very p enny h e s p end s on th at b ath ro om h e'll g et b ack w hen y 'a ll s e ll th is h o use ." S he n o d lik e s h e a gre ein g w it h h ers e lf .

"A ll th ese h o use s th ey'r e b uild in g w it h o ut m aid 's q uarte rs ? I t's ju st p la in d angero us. E very b ody kno w s th ey c arry d if fe re nt k in d s o f d is e ase s th an w e d o. I d oub le ." I p ic k u p a s ta ck a n ap kin s. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut a ll a s u d den I w ant a h ear w hat M is s L eefo lt go ne s a y to th is . S he m y b oss. I g uess e verb ody w ond er w hat th ey b oss th in k a th em .

"It w ould b e n ic e," M is s L eefo lt s a y, ta k in g a lit tle p uff a h er c ig are tte , " n o t h avin g h er u se th e o ne in th e h o use . I b id th re e s p ad es." "T hat's e xactly w hy I 'v e d esig ned th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e," M is s H illy s a y. " A s a dis e ase -p re venta tiv e m easu re ." I'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w tig ht m y th ro at g et. I t's a s h am e I le arn ed to k eep d ow n a lo ng tim e a go .

Mis s S keete r lo ok r e al c o nfu se d . " T he H om e... th e w hat? " "A b ill th at r e q uir e s e very w hit e h o m e to h ave a s e p ara te b ath ro om fo r th e c o lo re d h elp . I 'v e e ven no tif ie d th e s u rg eo n g enera l o f M is sis sip pi to s e e if h e'll e nd ors e th e id ea. I p ass." Mis s S keete r, s h e fr o w nin g a t M is s H illy . S he s e t h er c ard s d ow n fa ceup a nd s a y r e al m atte r- a -fa ct, "M ayb e w e o ught to ju st b uild y o u a b ath ro om o uts id e, H illy ." And L aw , d o th at r o om g et q uie t.

Mis s H illy s a y, " I d on't th in k y o u o ught to b e jo kin g a ro und a b out th e c o lo re d s it u atio n. N ot if y o u want to s ta y o n a s e d it o r o f th e L eague, S keete r P hela n." Mis s S keete r k in d a la ugh, b ut I c an te ll s h e d on't th in k it 's fu nny. " W hat, y o u'd . . . k ic k m e o ut?

For d is a gre ein g w it h y o u?" Mis s H illy r a is e a e yeb ro w . " I w ill d o w hate ver I h ave to d o to p ro te ct o ur to w n. Y our le ad , M am a." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd d on't c o m e o ut a gain till I h ear th e d oor c lo se a fte r M is s H illy 's b ehin d .

WHEN I K NOW M is s H IL LY G O NE, I p ut M ae M oble y in h er p la yp en, d ra g th e g arb age b in o ut to th e s tr e et c ause th e tr u ck 's c o m in g b y to day. A t th e to p a th e d riv ew ay, M is s H illy a nd h er c ra zy mam a n ear b out b ack o ver m e in th ey c ar, th en y ell o ut a ll fr ie nd ly h o w s o rry th ey is . I w alk in th e ho use , g la d I a in 't g o t tw o n ew b ro ken le gs.

When I g o in th e k it c hen, M is s S keete r's in th ere . S he le anin g a gain st th e c o unte r, g o t a s e rio us lo ok on h er fa ce, e ven m ore s e rio us th an u su al. " H ey, M is s S keete r. I g et y o u s o m eth in g?" She g la nce o ut a t th e d riv e w here M is s L eefo lt 's ta lk in g to M is s H illy th ro ugh h er c ar w in d ow . " N o, I'm ju st . . . w ait in g." I d ry a tr a y w it h a to w el. W hen I s n eak a lo ok o ver, s h e's s till g o t h er w orrie d e yes o n th at w in d ow .

She d on't lo ok lik e o th er la d ie s, b ein g s h e s o ta ll. S he g o t r e al h ig h c heek bones. B lu e e yes th at tu rn dow n, g iv in g h er a s h y w ay a b out h er. I t's q uie t, e xcep t fo r th e lit tle r a d io o n th e c o unte r, p la yin g th e go sp el s ta tio n. I w is h s h e'd g o o n o ut a h ere .

"Is th at P re acher G re en's s e rm on y o u'r e p la yin g o n th e r a d io ?" s h e a sk .

"Y es m a'a m , it is ." Mis s S keete r k in d a s m ile . " T hat r e m in d s m e s o m uch o f m y m aid g ro w in g u p ." "O h I k new C onsta ntin e," I s a y.

Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes fr o m th e w in d ow to m e. " S he r a is e d m e, d id y o u k no w th at? " I n o d, w is h in g I h ad n't s a id n o th in g. I k no w to o m uch a b out th at s it u atio n.

"I'v e b een tr y in g to g et a n a d dre ss fo r h er fa m ily in C hic ago ," s h e s a y, " b ut n o body c an te ll m e anyth in g." "I d on't h ave it e it h er, m a'a m ." Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes b ack to th e w in d ow , o n M is s H illy 's B uic k . S he s h ak e h er h ead , ju st a lit tle . " A ib ile en, th at ta lk in th ere . . . H illy 's ta lk , I m ean . . ." I p ic k u p a c o ffe e c up , s ta rt d ry in g it r e al g o od w it h m y c lo th .

"D o y o u e ver w is h y o u c o uld ... c hange th in gs? " s h e a sk s.

And I c an't h elp m yse lf . I lo ok a t h er h ead o n. C ause th at's o ne a th e s tu p id est q uestio ns I e ver heard . S he g o t a c o nfu se d , d is g uste d lo ok o n h er fa ce, lik e s h e d one s a lt e d h er c o ffe e in ste ad a su gare d it .

I tu rn b ack to m y w ash in g, s o s h e d on't s e e m e r o llin g m y e yes. " O h n o , m a'a m , e verth in g's fin e." "B ut th at ta lk in th ere , a b out th e bath ro om --" a nd s m ack o n th at w ord , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e kit c hen.

"O h, th ere y o u a re , S keete r." S he lo ok a t u s b oth k in d a fu nny. " I'm s o rry , d id I . . . in te rru p t so m eth in g?" W e b oth s ta nd th ere , w ond erin g w hat s h e m ig ht a h eard .

"I h ave to r u n," M is s S keete r s a ys. " S ee y o u to m orro w , E liz a b eth ." S he o pen th e b ack d oor, s a y, "T hank s, A ib ile en, fo r lu nch," a nd s h e g o ne.

I g o in th e d in in g r o om , s ta rt c le arin g th e b rid ge ta b le . A nd ju st lik e I k new s h e w ould , M is s L eefo lt co m e in b ehin d m e w earin g h er u p se t s m ile . H er n eck 's s tic k in g o ut lik e s h e fix in g to a sk m e so m eth in g. S he d on't lik e m e ta lk in g to h er fr ie nd s w hen s h e a in 't a ro und , n ever h as. A lw ays w antin g to k no w w hat w e s a yin g. I g o r ig ht o n p ast h er in to th e k it c hen. I p ut B ab y G ir l in h er h ig h c hair a nd sta rt c le anin g th e o ven.

Mis s L eefo lt fo llo w m e in th ere , e yeb all a b uck et a C ris c o , p ut it d ow n. B ab y G ir l h o ld h er a rm s o ut fo r h er m am a to p ic k h er u p , b ut M is s L eefo lt o pen a c ab in et, a ct lik e s h e d on't s e e. T hen s h e s la m it c lo se , o pen a no th er o ne. F in ally s h e ju st s ta nd th ere . I 'm d ow n o n m y h and s a nd k nees. P re tty so on m y h ead 's s o fa r in th at o ven I lo ok lik e I 'm tr y in g to g as m yse lf .

"Y ou a nd M is s S keete r lo oked lik e y o u w ere ta lk in g a w fu l s e rio us a b out s o m eth in g." "N o m a'a m , s h e ju st... a sk in g d o I w ant s o m e o ld c lo th es," I s a y a nd it s o und lik e I 'm d ow n in a well- h o le . G re ase a lr e ad y w ork in g it s e lf u p m y a rm s. S m ell lik e a u nd era rm in h ere . D on't ta k e n o tim e fo re s w eat's r u nnin g d ow n m y n o se a nd e ver tim e I s c ra tc h a t it , I g et a p lu g a c ru d o n m y fa ce.

Got to b e th e w ors t p la ce in th e w orld , in sid e a o ven. Y ou in h ere , y o u e it h er c le anin g o r y o u g ettin g co oked . T onig ht I ju st k no w I 'm o n h ave th at d re am I 'm s tu ck in sid e a nd th e g as g ets tu rn ed o n. B ut I k eep m y h ead in th at a w fu l p la ce c ause I 'd r a th er b e a nyw here s id es a nsw erin g M is s L eefo lt 's questio ns a b out w hat M is s S keete r w as tr y in g to s a y to m e. A sk in g d o I w ant to ch ange th in gs.

Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt h uff a nd g o o ut to th e c arp ort. I fig ure s h e lo okin g a t w here s h e g o ne b uild me m y n ew c o lo re d b ath ro om .

ch ap te r 2 Y O U'D N EV ER K NOW I T liv in g h ere , b ut J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, b e fille d w it h tw o h und re d t h o usa nd p eo ple s. I s e e th em n um bers in th e p ap er a nd I g o t to w ond er, w here d o th em p eo ple s l iv e? U nd erg ro und ? C ause I k no w ju st a b out e verb ody o n m y s id e a th e b rid ge a nd p le nty a w hit e f a m ilie s to o, a nd th at s u re d on't a d d u p to b e n o tw o h und re d th o usa nd .

S ix d ays a w eek , I ta k e th e b us a cro ss th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge to w here M is s L eefo lt a nd a ll h er w hit e fr ie nd s liv e, in a n eig hb orh o od c all B elh aven. R ig ht n ext to B elh aven b e th e d ow nto w n a nd t h e s ta te c ap it a l. C ap it o l b uild in g is r e al b ig , p re tty o n th e o uts id e b ut I n ever b een in it . I w ond er w hat th ey p ay to c le an th at p la ce.

D ow n th e r o ad fr o m B elh aven is w hit e W oodla nd H ills , th en S herw ood F ore st, w hic h is m ile s a b ig l iv e o ak s w it h th e m oss h angin g d ow n. N obody liv in g in it y et, b ut it 's th ere fo r w hen th e w hit e fo lk s i s r e ad y to m ove s o m ew here e ls e n ew . T hen it 's th e c o untr y , o ut w here M is s S keete r liv e o n th e L ongle af c o tto n p la nta tio n. S he d on't k no w it , b ut I p ic k ed c o tto n o ut th ere in 1 931, d urin g th e D ep re ssio n, w hen w e d id n't h ave n o th in g to e at b ut s ta te c heese .

S o J a ck so n's ju st o ne w hit e n eig hb orh o od a fte r th e n ext a nd m ore s p rin gin g u p d ow n th e r o ad . B ut t h e c o lo re d p art a to w n, w e o ne b ig a nth ill, s u rro und ed b y s ta te la nd th at a in 't fo r s a le . A s o ur n um bers g et b ig ger, w e c an't s p re ad o ut. O ur p art a to w n ju st g ets th ic k er.

I g et o n th e n um ber s ix b us th at a fte rn o on, w hic h g o es fr o m B elh aven to F aris h S tr e et. T he b us t o day is n o th in g b ut m aid s h ead in g h o m e in o ur w hit e u nif o rm s. W e a ll c hattin g a nd s m ilin g a t e ach o th er lik e w e o w n it - -n o t c ause w e m in d if th ey's w hit e p eo ple o n h ere , w e s it a nyw here w e w ant to n o w th ank s to M is s P ark s--ju st c ause it 's a fr ie nd ly fe elin g.

I s p ot M in ny in th e b ack c ente r s e at. M in ny s h o rt a nd b ig , g o t s h in y b la ck c urls . S he s e ttin g w it h h er l e gs s p la yed , h er th ic k a rm s c ro sse d . S he s e vente en y ears y o unger th an I a m . M in ny c o uld p ro bab ly l if t th is b us u p o ver h er h ead if s h e w ante d to . O ld la d y lik e m e's lu ck y to h ave h er a s a fr ie nd .

I ta k e th e s e at in fr o nt a h er, tu rn a ro und a nd lis te n. E verb ody lik e to lis te n to M in ny.

" . . . s o I s a id , M is s W alt e rs , th e w orld d on't w ant a s e e y o ur n ak ed w hit e b ehin d a ny m ore th an t h ey w ant a s e e m y b la ck o ne. N ow , g et in th is h o use a nd p ut y o ur u nd erp ants a nd s o m e c lo th es o n." " O n th e fr o nt p orc h? N ak ed ?" K ik i B ro w n a sk .

" H er b ehin d h angin g to h er k nees." T he b us is la ughin g a nd c huck lin g a nd s h ak in g th ey h ead s.

" L aw , th at w om an c ra zy," K ik i s a y. " I d on't k no w h o w y o u a lw ays s e em to g et th e c ra zy o nes, M in ny." " O h, lik e y o ur M is s P atte rs o n a in 't ? " M in ny s a y to K ik i. " S ho ot, s h e c all th e r o ll a th e c ra zy la d y c lu b ." T he w ho le b us b e la ughin g n o w c ause M in ny d on't lik e n o body ta lk in g b ad a b out h er w hit e l a d y e xcep t h ers e lf . T hat's h er jo b a nd s h e o w n th e r ig hts . The b us c ro ss th e b rid ge a nd m ak e th e fir s t s to p in th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od. A d oze n o r s o m aid s get o ff. I g o s e t in th e o pen s e at n ext to M in ny. S he s m ile , b um p m e h ello w it h h er e lb ow . T hen s h e re la x b ack in h er s e at c ause s h e d on't h ave to p ut o n n o s h o w fo r m e.

"H ow y o u d oin g? Y ou h ave to ir o n p le ats th is m orn in g?" I la ugh, n o d m y h ead . " T ook m e a h o ur a nd a h alf ." "W hat y o u fe ed M is s W alt e rs a t b rid ge c lu b to day? I w ork ed a ll m orn in g m ak in g th at fo ol a c ara m el cak e a nd th en s h e w ould n't e at a c ru m b." That m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat M is s H illy s a y a t th e ta b le to day. A ny o th er w hit e la d y a nd n o o ne would c are , b ut w e'd a ll w ant a k no w if M is s H illy a fte r u s. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to p ut it .

I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l g o b y, th e fr u it s ta nd . " I th in k I h eard M is s H illy s a y so m eth in g a b out th at, b out h er m am a g ettin g s k in ny." I s a y th is c are fu l a s I c an. " S ay m ayb e s h e gettin g m al- n utr it io us." Min ny lo ok a t m e. " S he d id , d id s h e?" J u st th e n am e m ak e h er e yes n arro w . " W hat e ls e M is s H illy sa y?" I b ette r ju st g o o n a nd s a y it . " I th in k s h e g o t h er e ye o n y o u, M in ny. J u st . . . b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und her." "M is s H illy o ught to b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und me.

W hat s h e s a y, I c an't c o ok? S he s a y th at o ld b ag a bones a in 't e atin g c ause I c an't fe ed h er? " M in ny s ta nd u p , th ro w h er p urs e u p o n h er a rm .

"I'm s o rry , M in ny, I o nly to ld y o u s o y o u s ta y o ut a h er- -" "S he e ver s a y th at to m e, s h e g o ne g et a p ie ce a M in ny fo r lu nch." S he h uff d ow n th e s te p s.

I w atc h h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow , s to m pin g o ff to w ard h er h o use . M is s H illy a in 't s o m eb ody to m ess wit h . L aw , m ayb e I s h o uld a ju st k ep t it to m yse lf .

A C O UPLE M ORN IN GS L ATER , I g et o ff th e b us, w alk th e b lo ck to M is s L eefo lt 's h o use .

Park ed in fr o nt is a o ld lu m ber tr u ck . T hey's tw o c o lo re d m ens in sid e, o ne d rin k in g a c up a c o ffe e, th e o th er a sle ep s e ttin g s tr a ig ht u p . I g o o n p ast, in to th e k it c hen.

Mis te r R ale ig h L eefo lt s till a t h o m e th is m orn in g, w hic h is r a re . W henever h e h ere , h e lo ok lik e h e ju st c o untin g th e m in ute s till h e g et to g o b ack to h is a cco untin g jo b. E ven o n S atu rd ay. B ut to day h e carry in g o n b out s o m eth in g.

"T his is m y d am n h o use a nd I p ay fo r w hat g o ddam n g o es in it ! " M is te r L eefo lt y ell. Mis s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep u p b ehin d h im w it h th at s m ile th at m ean s h e a in 't h ap py. I h id e o ut in th e wash ro om . I t's b een tw o d ays s in ce th e b ath ro om ta lk c o m e u p a nd I w as h o pin g it w as o ver.

Mis te r L eefo lt o pens th e b ack d oor to lo ok a t th e tr u ck s e ttin g th ere , s la m it b ack c lo se a gain .

"I p ut u p w it h th e n ew c lo th es, a ll th e d am n tr ip s to N ew O rle ans w it h y o ur s o ro rit y s is te rs , b ut th is ta k es th e g o ddam n c ak e." "B ut it 'll in cre ase th e v alu e o f th e h o use . H illy s a id s o !" I 'm s till in th e w ash ro om , b ut I c an a lm ost hear M is s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep th at s m ile o n h er fa ce.

"W e c an't a ffo rd it ! A nd w e d o n o t ta k e o rd ers fr o m th e H olb ro oks!" Everth in g g et r e al q uie t fo r a m in ute . T hen I h ear th e pap-p ap a lit tle fe etu m p aja m as.

"D a-d ee?" I c o m e o ut th e w ash ro om a nd in to th e k it c hen th en c ause M ae M oble y's m y b usin ess.

Mis te r L eefo lt a lr e ad y k neelin g d ow n to h er. H e's w earin g a s m ile lo ok lik e it 's m ad e o ut a r u b ber.

"G uess w hat, h o ney?" She s m ile b ack . S he w ait in g fo r a g o od s u rp ris e .

"Y ou'r e n o t g o in g to c o lle ge s o y o ur m am a's fr ie nd s d on't h ave to u se th e s a m e b ath ro om a s th e maid ." He s to m p o ff a nd s la m th e d oor s o h ard it m ak e B ab y G ir l b lin k .

Mis s L eefo lt lo ok d ow n a t h er, s ta rt s h ak in g h er fin ger. " M ae M oble y, y o u k no w y o u'r e n o t su p pose d to c lim b u p o ut o f y o ur c rib !" Bab y G ir l, s h e lo okin g a t th e d oor h er d ad dy s la m med , s h e lo okin g a t h er m am a fr o w nin g d ow n a t her. M y b ab y, s h e s w allo w in g it b ack , lik e s h e tr y in g r e al h ard n o t to c ry .

I r u sh p ast M is s L eefo lt , p ic k B ab y G ir l u p . I w his p er, " L et's g o o n in th e liv in g r o om a nd p la y w it h th e ta lk in g to y. W hat th at d onk ey s a y?" "S he k eep s g ettin g u p . I p ut h er b ack in b ed th re e tim es th is m orn in g." "C ause s o m eb ody n eed s c hangin g. W ho ooow eeee." Mis s L eefo lt tis k , s a y, " W ell I d id n't r e aliz e . . ." b ut s h e a lr e ad y s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th e lu m ber tr u ck .

I g o o n to th e b ack , s o m ad I 'm s to m pin g. B ab y G ir l b een in th at b ed s in ce e ig ht o 'c lo ck la st n ig ht, a co urs e s h e n eed c hangin g! M is s L eefo lt tr y to s it in tw elv e h o urs w orth a b ath ro om m ess w it h o ut gettin g u p !

I la y B ab y G ir l o n th e c hangin g ta b le , tr y to k eep m y m ad in sid e. B ab y G ir l s ta re u p a t m e w hile I ta k e o ff h er d ia p er. T hen s h e r e ach o ut h er lit tle h and . S he to uch m y m outh r e al s o ft.

"M ae M o b een b ad ," s h e s a y.

"N o, b ab y, y o u a in 't b een b ad ," I s a y, s m ooth in g h er h air b ack . " Y ou b een g o od. R eal g o od." I L IV E O n G ESSU M A V EN UE, w here I b een r e ntin g s in ce 1 942. Y ou c o uld s a y G essu m g o t a lo t a p ers o nalit y . T he h o use s a ll b e s m all, b ut e very fr o nt y ard 's d if fe re nt- -so m e s c ru b by a nd g ra ssle ss lik e a b ald -h ead ed o ld m an. O th ers g o t a za le a b ush es a nd r o se s a nd th ic k g re en g ra ss. M y y ard , I re ck on it b e s o m ew here in b etw een.

I g o t a fe w r e d c am ellia b ush es o ut fr o nt a th e h o use . M y g ra ss b e k in d a s p otty a nd I s till g o t a b ig yello w m ark w here T re elo re 's p ic k up s a t fo r th re e m onth s a fte r th e a ccid ent. I a in 't g o t n o tr e es. B ut th e b ack yard , n o w it lo oks lik e th e G ard en o f E den. T hat's w here m y n ext- d oor n eig hb or, I d a P eek , go t h er v egeta b le p atc h.

Id a a in 't g o t n o b ack yard to s p eak o f w hat w it h a ll h er h usb and 's ju nk --c ar e ngin es a nd o ld re fr ig era to rs a nd tir e s. S tu ff h e s a y h e g o ne fix b ut n ever d o. S o I te ll I d a s h e c o m e p la nt o n m y s id e.

That w ay I d on't h ave n o m ow in g to te nd to a nd s h e le t m e p ic k w hate ver I n eed , s a ve m e tw o o r th re e d olla rs e ver w eek . S he p ut u p w hat w e d on't e at, g iv e m e ja rs fo r th e w in te r s e aso n. G ood tu rn ip g re ens, e ggp la nt, o kra b y th e b ush el, a ll k in d a g o urd s. I d on't k no w h o w s h e k eep th em b ugs out a h er to m ato es, b ut s h e d o. A nd th ey g o od.

That e venin g, it 's r a in in g h ard o uts id e. I p ull o ut a ja r a I d a P eek 's c ab bage a nd to m ato , e at m y la st slic e a le fto ver c o rn b re ad . T hen I s e t d ow n to lo ok o ver m y fin ances c ause tw o th in gs d one h ap pen:

th e b us g o ne u p to fif te en c ents a r id e a nd m y r e nt g o ne u p to tw enty -n in e d olla rs a m onth . I w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt e ig ht to fo ur, s ix d ays a w eek e xcep t S atu rd ays. I g et p aid fo rty -th re e d olla rs e ver Frid ay, w hic h c o m e to $ 172 a m onth . T hat m eans a fte r I p ay th e lig ht b ill, th e w ate r b ill, th e g as b ill, and th e te le p ho ne b ill, I g o t th ir te en d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents a w eek le ft fo r m y g ro cerie s, m y c lo th es, gettin g m y h air d one, a nd tit h in g to th e c hurc h. N ot to m entio n th e c o st to m ail th ese b ills d one g o ne up to a n ic k el. A nd m y w ork s h o es is s o th in , th ey lo ok lik e th ey s ta rv in g to d eath . N ew p air c o st se ven d olla rs th o ugh, w hic h m eans I 'm o n b e e atin g c ab bage a nd to m ato till I tu rn in to B r'e r R ab bit .

Thank th e L ord fo r I d a P eek , e ls e I b e e atin g n o th in g.

My p ho ne r in g, m ak in g m e ju m p. B efo re I c an e ven s a y h ello , I h ear M in ny. S he w ork in g la te to nig ht.

"M is s H illy s e nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t to fin d m yse lf a n ew jo b. A nd y o u kno w w hen s h e g o in g? N ext week .

" "O h no , M in ny." "I b een lo okin g, c all te n la d ie s to day. N ot e ven a s p eck a in te re st." I a m s o rry to s a y I a in 't s u rp ris e d . " I a sk M is s L eefo lt fir s t th in g to m orro w d o s h e k no w a nyb ody need h elp ." "H ang o n," M in ny s a y. I h ear o ld M is s W alt e r ta lk in g a nd M in ny s a y, " W hat y o u th in k I a m ? A chauffe ur? I a in 't d riv in g y o u to n o c o untr y c lu b in th e p ourin g r a in ." Sid es s te alin g, w ors e th in g y o u'n d o fo r y o ur c are er a s a m aid is h ave a s m art m outh . S till, s h e s u ch a g o od c o ok, s o m etim es it m ak es u p fo r it .

"D on't y o u w orry , M in ny. W e g o ne fin d y o u s o m eb ody d eaf a s a d oe-k no b, ju st lik e M is s W alt e r." "M is s H illy b een h in tin g a ro und fo r m e to c o m e w ork fo r h er." "W hat? " I ta lk s te rn a s I c an: " N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , M in ny, I s u p port y o u m yse lf fo re I le t y o u work fo r th at e vil la d y." "W ho y o u th in k y o u ta lk in g to , A ib ile en? A m onk ey? I m ig ht a s w ell g o w ork fo r th e K KK. A nd yo u k no w I n ever ta k e Y ule M ay's jo b a w ay." "I'm s o rry , L ord y m e." I ju st g et s o n erv o us w hen it c o m e to M is s H illy . " I c all M is s C aro lin e o ver o n Honeysu ck le , s e e if s h e k no w s o m eb ody. A nd I c all M is s R uth , s h e s o n ic e it n ear b out b re ak y o ur heart. U se d to c le an u p th e h o use e ver m orn in g s o I d id n't h ave n o th in g to d o b ut k eep h er co m pany. H er h usb and d ie d a th e s c arle t fe ver, m m-h m m." "T hank y o u, A . N ow c o m e o n, M is s W alt e rs , e at u p a lit tle g re en b ean fo r m e." M in ny s a y g o odbye and h ang u p th e p ho ne.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, th ere th at o ld g re en lu m ber tr u ck is a gain . B angin g's a lr e ad y s ta rte d b ut Mis te r L eefo lt a in 't s to m pin g a ro und to day. I g uess h e k no w h e d one lo st th is o ne b efo re it e ven sta rte d .

Mis s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e k it c hen ta b le in h er b lu e-q uilt b ath ro be ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne. B ab y Gir l's g o t r e d s tic k y a ll o ver h er fa ce, h angin g o n to h er m am a's k nees tr y in g to g et h er lo ok a t h er.

"M orn in g, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y.

"M am a! M am a!" s h e s a y, tr y in g to c ra w l u p in M is s L eefo lt 's la p .

"N o, M ae M oble y." M is s L eefo lt n ud ge h er d ow n. " M am a's o n th e te le p ho ne. L et M am a ta lk ." "M am a, p ic k u p ," M ae M oble y w hin e a nd r e ach o ut h er a rm s to h er m am a. " P ic k M ae M o u p ." "H ush ," M is s L eefo lt w his p er.

I s c o op B ab y G ir l u p r ig ht q uic k a nd ta k e h er o ver to th e s in k , b ut s h e k eep c ra nin g h er n eck aro und , w hin in g, " M am a, Mam a ," tr y in g to g et h er a tte ntio n.

"J u st lik e y o u to ld m e to s a y it ." M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g in to th e p ho ne. " S om ed ay w hen w e m ove, it 'll ra is e th e v alu e o f th e h o use ." "C om e o n, B ab y G ir l. P ut y o ur h and s h ere , u nd er th e w ate r." But B ab y G ir l w rig glin g h ard . I 'm tr y in g to g et th e s o ap o n h er fin gers b ut s h e tw is tin g a nd tu rn in g and s h e s n ak e r ig ht o ut m y a rm s. S he r u n s tr a ig ht to h er m am a a nd s tic k o ut h er c hin a nd th en s h e je rk th e p ho ne c o rd h ard a s s h e c an. T he r e ceiv er c la tte r o ut a M is s L eefo lt 's h and a nd h it th e flo or.

"M ae M oble y!" I s a y.

I r u sh to g et h er b ut M is s L eefo lt g et th ere fir s t. H er lip s is c urle d b ack fr o m h er te eth in a s c ary sm ile . M is s L eefo lt s la p B ab y G ir l o n th e b ack a h er b are le gs s o h ard I ju m p fr o m th e s tin g.

Then M is s L eefo lt g ra b M ae M oble y b y th e a rm , je rk it h ard w it h e ver w ord . " D on't y o u to uch th is pho ne a gain , M ae M oble y!" s h e s a y. " A ib ile en, h o w m any tim es d o I h ave to te ll y o u to k eep h er aw ay fr o m m e w hen I a m o n th e p ho ne!" "I'm s o rry ," I s a y a nd I p ic k u p M ae M oble y, tr y to h ug h er to m e, b ut s h e b aw lin g a nd h er fa ce is re d a nd s h e fig htin g m e.

"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, it 's a ll r ig ht, e verth in g--" Mae M oble y m ak e a n u gly fa ce a t m e a nd th en s h e r e ar b ack a nd bow p ! S he w hack m e r ig ht o n th e e ar.

Mis s L eefo lt p oin t a t th e d oor, y ell, " A ib ile en, y o u b oth ju st g et out ." I c arry h er o ut th e k it c hen. I 'm s o m ad a t M is s L eefo lt , I 'm b it in g m y to ngue. I f th e fo ol w ould ju st pay h er c hild s o m e a tte ntio n, th is w ould n't h ap pen! W hen w e m ak e it to M ae M oble y's r o om , I s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair . S he s o b o n m y s h o uld er a nd I r u b h er b ack , g la d s h e c an't s e e th e m ad o n m y fa ce. I d on't w ant h er to th in k it 's a t h er.

"Y ou o kay, B ab y G ir l? " I w his p er. M y e ar s m artin g fr o m h er lit tle fis t. I 'm s o g la d s h e h it m e in ste ad a h er m am a, c ause I d on't k no w w hat th at w om an w ould a d one to h er. I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e r e d fin germ ark s o n th e b ack a h er le gs.

"I'm h ere , b ab y, A ib ee's h ere ," I r o ck a nd s o oth e, r o ck a nd s o oth e.

But B ab y G ir l, s h e ju st c ry a nd c ry .

ARO UN D L U N CHTIM E, w hen m y s to rie s c o m e o n te e-v ee, it g ets q uie t o ut in th e c arp ort. M ae Moble y's in m y la p h elp in g m e s tr in g th e b eans. S he s till k in d a fu ssy fr o m th is m orn in g. I r e ck on I am to o, b ut I d one p ush ed it d ow n to a p la ce w here I d on't h ave to w orry w it h it .

We g o in th e k it c hen a nd I fix h er b alo ney s a nd w ic h. I n th e d riv ew ay, th e w ork m en is s e ttin g in th ey tr u ck , e atin g th ey o w n lu nches. I 'm g la d fo r th e p eace. I s m ile o ver a t B ab y G ir l, g iv e h er a str a w berry , s o g ra te fu l I w as h ere d urin g th e tr o ub le w it h h er m am a. I h ate to th in k w hat w ould a hap pen if I w asn 't . S he s tu ff th e s tr a w berry in h er m outh , s m ile b ack . I th in k s h e fe el it to o.

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't h ere s o I th in k a b out c allin g M in ny a t M is s W alt e r, s e e if s h e fo und a ny w ork y et.

But b efo re I g et a ro und to it , th ey's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor. I o pen it to s e e o ne a th e w ork m en sta nd in g th ere . H e r e al o ld . G ot c o vera lls o n o ver a w hit e c o lla r s h ir t.

"H id ee, m a'a m . T ro ub le y o u fo r s o m e w ate r? " h e a sk . I d on't r e co gniz e h im . M ust liv e s o m ew here so uth a to w n.

"S ho n uff," I s a y.

I g o g et a p ap er c up fr o m th e c up board . I t's g o t h ap py b ir th d ay b allo ons o n it fr o m w hen M ae Moble y tu rn tw o. I k no w M is s L eefo lt d on't w ant m e g iv in g h im o ne a th e g la sse s.

He d rin k it in o ne lo ng s w allo w a nd h and m e th e c up b ack . H is fa ce b e r e al tir e d . K in d a lo neso m e in th e e yes.

"H ow y 'a ll c o m in g a lo ng?" I a sk .

"It's w ork ," h e s a y. " S till a in 't n o w ate r to it . R eck on w e r u n a p ip e o ut y o nd er fr o m th e r o ad ." "O th er fe lla n eed a d rin k ?" I a sk .

"B e m ig hty n ic e." H e n o d a nd I g o g et h is fr ie nd a lit tle fu nny-lo okin g c up to o, fill it u p fr o m th e s in k .

He d on't ta k e it to h is p artn er r ig ht a w ay.

"B eg a p ard on," h e s a y, " b ut w here . . ." H e s ta nd th ere a m in ute , lo ok d ow n a t h is fe et. " W here mig ht I g o to m ak e w ate r? " He lo ok u p a nd I lo ok a t h im a nd fo r a m in ute w e ju st b e lo okin g. I m ean, it 's o ne a th em fu nny th in gs. N ot th e h a-h a fu nny b ut th e fu nny w here y o u b e th in k in g: H uh. H ere w e is w it h tw o in th e ho use a nd o ne b ein g b uilt a nd th ey s till a in 't n o p la ce fo r th is m an to d o h is b usin ess.

"W ell . . ." I a in 't n ever b een in th is p osit io n b efo re . T he y o ung'u n, R obert, w ho d o th e y ard e ver tw o week s, I g uess h e g o fo re h e c o m e o ver. B ut th is fe lla , h e a o ld m an. G ot h eavy w rin k le d h and s.

Seventy y ears a w orry d one p ut s o m any lin es in h is fa ce, h e lik e a r o ad m ap .

"I s p ec y o u g o ne h ave to g o in th e b ush es, b ack a th e h o use ," I h ear m yse lf s a y, b ut I w is h it w ere n't me. " D og's b ack th ere , b ut h e w on't b oth er y o u." "A lr ig ht th en," h e s a y. " T hank y a." I w atc h h im w alk b ack r e al s lo w w it h th e c up a w ate r fo r h is p artn er.

The b angin g a nd th e d ig gin g g o o n th e r e st a th e a fte rn o on. All T H E N EX T D AY L O NG, th ey's h am merin g a nd d ig gin g g o in g o n in th e fr o nt y ard . I d on't a sk Mis s L eefo lt n o q uestio ns a b out it a nd M is s L eefo lt d on't o ffe r n o e xp la natio n. S he ju st p eer o ut th e back d oor e ver h o ur to s e e w hat's g o in g o n.

Thre e o 'c lo ck th e r a ck et s to ps a nd th e m ens g et in th ey tr u ck a nd le ave. M is s L eefo lt , s h e w atc h e m driv e o ff, le t o ut a b ig s ig h. T hen s h e g et in h er c ar a nd g o d o w hate ver it is s h e d o w hen s h e a in 't nerv o us b out a c o up le a c o lo re d m ens h angin g r o und h er h o use .

Afte r w hile , th e p ho ne r in g.

"M is s L eef- -" "S he te llin g e verb ody in to w n I 'm s te alin g! T hat's w hy I c an't g et n o w ork ! T hat w it c h d one tu rn ed me in to th e S m art- M outh ed C rim in al M aid a H in d s C ounty !" "H old o n, M in ny, g et y o ur b re ath --" "B efo re w ork th is m orn in g, I g o to th e R enfr o es' o ver o n S ycam ore a nd M is s R enfr o e n ear b out chase m e o ff th e p ro perty . S ay M is s H illy to ld h er a b out m e, e verb ody k no w I s to le a c and ela b ra fr o m M is s W alt e rs !" I c an h ear th e g rip s h e g o t o n th e p ho ne, s o und lik e s h e tr y in g to c ru sh it in h er h and . I h ear K in d ra ho lle r a nd I w ond er w hy M in ny a lr e ad y h o m e. S he u su ally d on't le ave w ork till fo ur.

"I a in 't d one n o th in g b ut fe ed th at o ld w om an g o od fo od a nd lo ok a fte r h er!" "M in ny, I k no w y o u h o nest. G od k no w y o u h o nest." Her v o ic e d ip d ow n, lik e b ees o n a c o m b. " W hen I w alk in to M is s W alt e rs ', M is s H illy b e th ere a nd sh e tr y to g iv e m e tw enty d olla rs . S he s a y, 'T ak e it . I k no w y o u n eed it ,' a nd I b out s p it in h er fa ce.

But I d id n't . N o s ir ." S he s ta rt m ak in g th is p antin g n o is e , s h e s a y, " I d id worse ." "W hat y o u d id ?" "I a in 't te llin g. I a in 't te llin g n o body a b out th at p ie . B ut I g iv e h er w hat s h e d ese rv e!" S he w ailin g n o w and I fe el a r e al c o ld fe ar. A in 't n o g am e c ro ssin g M is s H illy . " I a in 't n ever g o ne g et n o w ork a gain , Lero y g o ne k ill m e . . ." Kin d ra g ets to c ry in g in th e b ack gro und . M in ny h ang u p w it h o ut e ven s a yin g g o odbye. I d on't k no w what s h e ta lk in g a b out a p ie . B ut L aw , k no w in g M in ny, it c o uld n o t h ave b een g o od.

TH AT N IG HT, I p ic k m e a p oke s a la d a nd a to m ato o ut a I d a's g ard en. I fr y u p s o m e h am , m ak e a lit tle g ra vy fo r m y b is c uit . M y w ig b een b ru sh ed o ut a nd p ut u p , g o t m y p in k r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y sp ra yed th e G ood N uff o n m y h air . I b een w orrie d a ll a fte rn o on, th in k in g b out M in ny. I g o t to p ut it out a m y m in d if I 'm o n g et s o m e s le ep to nig ht.

I s e t a t m y ta b le to e at, tu rn o n th e k it c hen r a d io . L it tle S te vie W ond er's s in gin g " F in gertip s." B ein g co lo re d a in 't n o th in g o n th at b oy. H e tw elv e y ears o ld , b lin d , a nd g o t a h it o n th e r a d io . W hen h e done, I s k ip o ver P asto r G re en p la yin g h is s e rm on a nd s to p o n W BLA . T hey p la y th e ju k e jo in t blu es.

I lik e th em s m oky, liq uo r- d rin k in g s o und s w hen it g et d ark . M ak es m e fe el lik e m y w ho le h o use is fu ll a p eo ple . I c an a lm ost s e e e m , s w ayin g h ere in m y k it c hen, d ancin g to th e b lu es. W hen I tu rn o ff th e c eilin g lig ht, I p re te nd w e a t T he R aven. T hey's lit tle ta b le s w it h r e d -c o vere d lig hts . I t's M ay o r Ju ne a nd w arm . M y m an C ly d e fla sh m e h is w hit e -to oth ed s m ile a nd s a y Honey, y o u w ant y o u a drin k?

A nd I s a y, Bla ck M ary s tr a ig ht u p a nd th en I g et to la ughin g a t m yse lf , s e ttin g in m y k it c hen havin g th is d ayd re am , c ause th e r a cie st th in g I e ver ta k e is th e p urp le N ehi.

Mem phis M in ny g et to s in gin g o n th e r a d io h o w le an m eat w on't fr y , w hic h is a b out h o w th e lo ve don't la st. T im e to tim e, I th in k I m ig ht fin d m yse lf a no th er m an, o ne fr o m m y c hurc h. P ro ble m is , much a s I lo ve th e L ord , c hurc h-g o in g m an n ever d o a ll th at m uch fo r m e. K in d a m an I lik e a in 't th e kin d th at s ta ys a ro und w hen h e d one s p end in g a ll y o u m oney. I m ad e th at m is ta k e tw enty y ears a go .

When m y h usb and C ly d e le ft m e fo r th at n o -c o unt h ussy u p o n F aris h S tr e et, o ne th ey c all C oco a, I fig ure d I b ette r s h ut th e d oor fo r g o od o n th at k in d a b usin ess.

A c at g et to s c re echin g o uts id e a nd b rin g m e b ack to m y c o ld k it c hen. I tu rn th e r a d io o ff a nd th e lig ht b ack o n, fis h m y p ra yer b ook o ut m y p urs e . M y p ra yer b ook is ju st a b lu e n o te p ad I p ic k u p a t th e B en F ra nk lin s to re . I u se a p encil s o I c an e ra se till I g et it r ig ht. I b een w rit in g m y p ra yers s in ce I was in ju nio r h ig h. W hen I te ll m y s e venth -g ra d e te acher I a in 't c o m in g b ack to s c ho ol c ause I g o t to help o ut m y m am a, M is s R oss ju st a b out c rie d .

"Y ou'r e th e s m arte st o ne in th e c la ss, A ib ile en," s h e s a y. " A nd th e o nly w ay y o u'r e g o in g to k eep sh arp is to r e ad and w rit e e very d ay." So I s ta rte d w rit in g m y p ra yers d ow n in ste ad a s a yin g e m . B ut n o body's c alle d m e s m art s in ce.

I tu rn th e p ages a m y p ra yer b ook to s e e w ho I g o t to nig ht. A fe w tim es th is w eek , I th o ught a b out mayb e p uttin g M is s S keete r o n m y lis t. I 'm n o t r e al s u re w hy. S he a lw ays n ic e w hen s h e c o m e o ver.

It m ak es m e n erv o us, b ut I c an't h elp b ut w ond er w hat s h e w as g o ne a sk m e in M is s L eefo lt 's kit c hen, a b out d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. N ot to m entio n h er a sk in g m e th e w here ab outs a Consta ntin e, h er m aid g ro w in g u p . I k no w w hat h ap pen b etw een C onsta ntin e a nd M is s S keete r's mam a a nd a in 't n o w ay I 'm o n te ll h er th at s to ry .

The th in g is th o ugh, if I s ta rt p ra yin g fo r M is s S keete r, I k no w th at c o nvers a tio n g o ne c o ntin ue th e next tim e I s e e h er. A nd th e n ext a nd th e n ext. C ause th at's th e w ay p ra yer d o. I t's lik e e le ctr ic it y , it keep s th in gs g o in g. A nd th e b ath ro om s it u atio n, it ju st a in 't s o m eth in g I r e ally w ant to d is c uss. I s c an d ow n m y p ra yer lis t. M y M ae M oble y g o t th e n um ber o ne r u ng, th en th ey's F anny L ou a t churc h, a ilin g fr o m th e r h eum atis m . M y s is te rs I n ez a nd M ab le in P ort G ib so n th at g o t e ig hte en k id s betw een e m a nd s ix w it h th e flu . W hen th e lis t b e th in , I s lip in th at o ld s tin k y w hit e fe lla th at liv e behin d th e fe ed s to re , th e o ne lo st h is m in d fr o m d rin k in g th e s h o e p olis h . B ut th e lis t b e p re tty fu ll to nig ht.

And lo ok a th ere w ho e ls e I d one p ut o n th is lis t. B ertr in a B esse m er a a ll p eo ple ! E verb ody k no w Bertr in a a nd m e d on't ta k e to e ach o th er e ver s in ce s h e c all m e a n ig ga fo ol fo r m arry in g C ly d e um pte en y ears a go .

"M in ny," I s a y la st S und ay, " w hy B ertr in a a sk me to p ra y fo r h er? " We w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e o ne o 'c lo ck s e rv ic e. M in ny s a y, " R um or is y o u g o t s o m e k in d a p ow er pra yer, g ets b ette r r e su lt s th an ju st th e r e gula r v arie ty ." "S ay w hat? " "E ud ora G re en, w hen s h e b ro ke h er h ip , w ent o n y o ur lis t, u p w alk in g in a w eek . I s a ia h fe ll o ff th e co tto n tr u ck , o n y o ur p ra yer lis t th at n ig ht, b ack to w ork th e n ext d ay." Hearin g th is m ad e m e th in k a b out h o w I d id n't e ven g et th e c hance to p ra y fo r T re elo re . M ayb e th at's w hy G od to ok h im s o fa st. H e d id n't w ant a h ave to a rg ue w it h m e.

"S nuff W ash in gto n," M in ny s a y, " L olly J a ck so n--h eck , L olly g o o n y o ur lis t a nd tw o d ays la te r s h e pop u p fr o m h er w heelc hair lik e s h e to uched J e su s. E verb ody in H in d s C ounty k no w a b out th at one." "B ut th at a in 't m e," I s a y. " T hat's ju st p ra yer." "B ut B ertr in a--" M in ny g et to la ughin g, s a y, " Y ou k no w C oco a, th e o ne C ly d e r u n o ff w it h ?" "P hhh. Y ou k no w I n ever fo rg et h er." "W eek a fte r C ly d e le ft y o u, I h eard th at C oco a w ak e u p to h er c o otc hie s p oilt lik e a r o tte n o yste r.

Did n't g et b ette r fo r th re e m onth s. B ertr in a, s h e g o od fr ie nd s w it h C oco a. S he know y o ur p ra yer work s." My m outh d ro p o pen. W hy s h e n ever te ll m e th is b efo re ? " Y ou s a yin g p eo ple th in k I g o t th e b la ck magic ?" "I k new it m ak e y o u w orry if I to ld y o u. T hey ju st th in k y o u g o t a b ette r c o nnectio n th an m ost. W e all o n a p arty lin e to G od, b ut y o u, y o u s e ttin g r ig ht in h is e ar." My te ap ot s ta rt fu ssin g o n th e s to ve, b rin gin g m e b ack to r e al lif e . L aw , I r e ck on I ju st g o a head a nd put M is s S keete r o n th e lis t, b ut h o w c o m e, I d on't k no w . W hic h r e m in d s m e a w hat I d on't w ant a th in k a b out, th at M is s L eefo lt 's b uild in g m e a b ath ro om c ause s h e th in k I 'm d is e ase d . A nd M is s Skeete r a sk in g d on't I w ant to c hange th in gs, lik e c hangin g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o ne b e lik e changin g a lig htb ulb . I'm S TR IN GIN G B EA N S in M is s L eefo lt 's k it c hen a nd th e p ho ne r in gs. I 'm h o pin g it 's M in ny to sa y s h e fo und s o m eth in g. I d one c alle d e verb ody I e ver w ait e d o n a nd th ey a ll to ld m e th e s a m e th in g: " W e a in 't h ir in g." B ut w hat th ey r e ally m ean is : " W e a in 't h ir in g Min ny ." Even th o ugh M in ny a lr e ad y h ad h er la st d ay a w ork th re e d ays a go , M is s W alt e r c all M in ny in s e cre t la st n ig ht, a sk h er to c o m e in to day c ause th e h o use fe el to o e m pty , w hat w it h m ost th e fu rn it u re alr e ad y ta k en a w ay b y M is s H illy . I s till d on't k no w w hat h ap pen w it h M in ny a nd M is s H illy . I re ck on I d on't r e ally w ant to k no w .

"L eefo lt r e sid ence." "U m, h i. T his is . . ." T he la d y s to p, c le ar h er th ro at. " H ello . M ay I . . . m ay I p le ase s p eak to Eliz a b eth L eer- fo lt ? " "M is s L eefo lt a in 't h o m e r ig ht n o w . M ay I ta k e a m essa ge?" "O h," s h e s a y, lik e s h e g o t a ll e xcit e d o ver n o th in g.

"M ay I a sk w ho c allin g?" "T his is . . . C elia F oote . M y h usb and g ave m e th is n um ber h ere a nd I d on't k no w E liz a b eth , b ut . . .

well, h e s a id s h e k no w s a ll a b out th e C hild re n's B enefit a nd th e L ad ie s L eague." I k no w th is n am e, but I c an't q uit e p la ce it . T his w om an ta lk lik e s h e fr o m s o d eep in th e c o untr y s h e g o t c o rn g ro w in g in h er s h o es. H er v o ic e is s w eet th o ugh, h ig h-p it c h. S till, s h e d on't s o und lik e th e la d ie s r o und h ere do.

"I g iv e h er y o ur m essa ge," I s a y. " W hat's y o ur n um ber? " "I'm k in d o f n ew h ere a nd , w ell, th at's n o t tr u e, I 'v e b een h ere a p re tty g o od s tr e tc h, g o sh , o ver a year n o w . I ju st d on't r e ally k no w a nyb ody. I d on't . . . g et o ut to o m uch." She c le ar h er th ro at a gain a nd I 'm w ond erin g w hy s h e te llin g m e a ll th is . I 'm th e m aid , s h e a in 't g o ne win n o fr ie nd s ta lk in g to m e.

"I w as th in k in g m ayb e I c o uld h elp o ut w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit fr o m h o m e," s h e s a y.

I r e m em ber th en w ho s h e is . S he th e o ne M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt a lw ays ta lk in g tr a sh o n c ause sh e m arry M is s H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd .

"I g iv e h er th e m essa ge. W hat y o u s a y y o ur n um ber is a gain ?" "O h, b ut I 'm fix in g to s c o ot o ff to th e g ro cery s to re . O h, m ayb e I s h o uld s it a nd w ait ." "S he d on't r e ach y o u, s h e le ave a m essa ge w it h y o ur h elp ." "I d on't h ave a ny h elp . I n fa ct, I w as p la nnin g o n a sk in g h er a b out th at to o, if s h e c o uld p ass a lo ng th e n am e o f s o m eb ody g o od." "Y ou lo okin g fo r h elp ?" "I'm in a s tit c h tr y in g to fin d s o m eb ody to c o m e a ll th e w ay o ut to M ad is o n C ounty ." Well, w hat d o y o u k no w . " I k no w s o m eb ody r e al g o od. S he k no w n fo r h er c o okin g a nd s h e lo ok afte r y o u k id s to o. S he e ven g o t h er o w n c ar to d riv e o ut to y o u h o use ." "O h, w ell . . . I 'd s till lik e to ta lk to E liz a b eth a b out it . D id I a lr e ad y te ll y o u m y n um ber? " "N o m a'a m ," I s ig h. " G o h ead ." M is s L eefo lt n ever g o ne r e co m mend M in ny, n o t w it h a ll a M is s Hilly 's lie s.

She s a y, " It's M is su s J o hnny F oote a nd it 's E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e." Ju st in c ase I s a y, " A nd h er n am e is M in ny, s h e a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. Y ou g o t th at? " Bab y G ir l tu g o n m y d re ss, s a y, " T um -m y h urt," a nd s h e r u b bin g h er b elly .

I g et a n id ea. I s a y, " H old o n, w hat's th at M is s L eefo lt ? U h-h uh, I te ll h er." I p ut th e p ho ne b ack to my m outh a nd s a y, " M is s C elia , M is s L eefo lt ju st w alk in a nd s h e s a y s h e a in 't fe elin g g o od b ut fo r yo u to g o o n a nd c all M in ny. S he s a y s h e c all y o u if s h e b e n eed in g h elp w it h th e B enefit ." "O h! T ell h er I s a id th ank y o u. A nd I s u re d o h o pe s h e g ets to fe elin g b ette r. A nd to c all m e u p anytim e." "T hat's M in ny J a ck so n a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. H ang o n, w hat's th at? " I g et a co okie a nd g iv e it to M ae M oble y, fe el n o th in g b ut d elig ht a t th e d evil in m e. I a m ly in g a nd I d on't even c are .

I te ll M is s C elia F oote , " S he s a y d on't te ll n o body b out h er tip o n M in ny, c ause a ll h er fr ie nd s w ant a hir e h er a nd th ey b e r e al u p se t if th ey fin d o ut s h e g iv e h er to s o m eb ody e ls e ." "I w on't te ll h er s e cre t if s h e w on't te ll m in e. I d on't w ant m y h usb and to k no w I 'm h ir in g a m aid ." Well, if th at a in 't p erfe ct th en I d on't k no w w hat is .

Soon a s w e h ang u p , I d ia l M in ny q uic k a s I c an. B ut ju st a s I d o, M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e d oor.

This a r e al p re d ic am ent, s e e. I g ave th is M is s C elia w om an M in ny's n um ber a t h o m e, b ut M in ny work in g to day c ause M is s W alt e r lo nely . S o w hen s h e c all, L ero y g o ne g iv e h er M is s W alt e r n um ber cause h e a fo ol. I f M is s W alt e r a nsw er th e p ho ne w hen M is s C elia c all, th en th e w ho le jig is u p .

Mis s W alt e r g o ne te ll th is w om an e verth in g M is s H illy b een s p re ad in g a ro und . I g o t to g et to M in ny or L ero y b efo re a ll th is h ap pen. Mis s L eefo lt h ead b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd , ju st lik e I fig ure d , th e fir s t th in g s h e d o is tie u p th e pho ne. F ir s t s h e c all M is s H illy . T hen s h e c all th e h air d re sse r. T hen s h e c all th e s to re a b out a wed din g p re se nt, ta lk in g, ta lk in g, ta lk in g. S oon a s s h e h ang u p , s h e c o m e o ut a nd a sk w hat th ey havin g fo r s u p per th is w eek . I p ull o ut th e n o te b ook a nd g o d ow n th e lis t. N o, s h e d on't w ant p ork cho ps. S he tr y in g to g et h er h usb and to r e d uce. S he w ant s k ille t s te ak a nd g re en s a la d . A nd h o w many c alo rie s d o I s p ec th em m erin gue th in gie s h ave? A nd d on't g iv e n o m ore c o okie s to M ae Moble y c ause s h e to o fa t a nd --a nd --a nd -- Law ! F or a w om an w ho a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e b ut d o th is a nd u se th at b ath ro om , a ll a s u d den s h e ta lk in g to m e lik e I 'm h er b est fr ie nd . M ae M oble y's d ancin g a h o t- fo ot jig tr y in g to g et h er m am a to no tic e h er. A nd ju st w hen M is s L eefo lt a b out to b end d ow n to p ay h er s o m e a tte ntio n, w ho ops!

Mis s L eefo lt r u n o ut th e d oor c ause s h e fo rg o t s h e g o t a e rra nd to r u n a nd a b lo om in g h o ur d one passe d a lr e ad y.

I c an't m ak e m y fin gers g o r o und th at d ia l fa st e no ugh.

"M in ny! I g o t a jo b lin ed u p . B ut y o u g o t to g et to th e p ho ne--" "S he a lr e ad y c all. " M in ny's v o ic e is fla t. " L ero y g iv e h er th e n um ber." "S o M is s W alt e r a nsw er it ," I s a y.

"D eaf a s d oo-d oo a nd a ll a s u d den it 's lik e a m ir a cle fr o m G od, s h e h ear th e p ho ne r in gin g. I 'm go in g in a nd o ut a th e k it c hen, n o t p ayin g a tte ntio n, b ut a t th e e nd I h ear m y n am e. T hen L ero y c all and I k no w th at's w hat it w as." M in ny s o und w ore o ut, a nd s h e th e k in d th at d on't e ver g et tir e d .

"W ell. M ayb e M is s W alt e r d id n't te ll h er th em lie s M is s H illy s ta rte d . Y ou n ever k no w ." B ut e ven I ain 't fo ol e no ugh to b elie ve th is .

"E ven if s h e d id n't , M is s W alt e rs k no w a ll a b out h o w I g o t b ack a t M is s H illy . Y ou d on't k no w a b out th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d id . I d on't e ver w ant y o u to k no w . I 'm s u re M is s W alt e rs te ll th is w om an I'm n o th in g s h o rt a th e d evil h is se lf ." H er v o ic e s o und e erie . L ik e s h e a r e co rd p la yer g o in g to o s lo w .

"I'm s o rry . I w is h I c o uld a c alle d y o u e arlie r s o y o u c o uld p ic k u p th at p ho ne." "Y ou d one w hat y o u c an. N oth in g n o body c an d o fo r m e n o w ." "I b e p ra yin g fo r y o u." "T hank y o u," s h e s a y, a nd th en h er v o ic e b re ak d ow n. " A nd I th ank y o u fo r tr y in g to h elp m e." We h ang u p a nd I g o to m oppin g. T he s o und a M in ny's v o ic e s c are m e.

She a lw ays b een a s tr o ng w om an, a lw ays fig htin g. A fte r T re elo re d ie d , s h e c arry s u p per o ver to m e ever n ig ht fo r th re e m onth s s tr a ig ht. A nd e ver d ay s h e s a y, " N uh-u h, y o u a in 't le avin g m e o n th is so rry e arth w it h o ut y o u," b ut I te ll y o u, I w as s u re e no ugh th in k in g a b out it .

I a lr e ad y h ad th e r o pe tie d w hen M in ny fo und it . T he c o il w as T re elo re 's , fr o m b ack w hen h e d oin g a s c ie nce p ro je ct w it h p ulle ys a nd r in gs. I d on't k no w if I 's g o ne u se it , k no w in g it 's a s in a gain st God, b ut I w asn 't in m y r ig ht m in d . M in ny, th o ugh, s h e d on't a sk n o q uestio ns a b out it , ju st p ull it o ut fr o m u nd er th e b ed , p ut it in th e c an, ta k e it to th e s tr e et. W hen s h e c o m e b ack in , s h e b ru sh h er hand s to geth er lik e s h e c le anin g th in gs u p a s u su al. S he a ll b usin ess, th at M in ny. B ut n o w , s h e s o und bad . I g o t a m in d to c heck u nd er h er b ed to nig ht.

I p ut d ow n th e b uck et a S unsh in e c le aner th em la d ie s is a lw ays s m ilin g a b out o n th e te e-v ee. I g o t to se t d ow n. M ae M oble y c o m e u p h o ld in g h er tu m my, s a y, " M ak e it n o t h urt." She la y h er fa ce o n m y le g. I s m ooth h er h air d ow n o ver a nd o ver till s h e p ra ctic ally p urrin g, fe elin g th e lo ve in m y h and . A nd I th in k a b out a ll m y fr ie nd s, w hat th ey d one fo r m e. W hat th ey d o e ver d ay fo r th e w hit e w om en th ey w ait in g o n. T hat p ain in M in ny's v o ic e. T re elo re d ead in th e g ro und . I lo ok dow n a t B ab y G ir l, w ho I k no w , d eep d ow n, I c an't k eep fr o m tu rn in g o ut lik e h er m am a. A nd a ll o f it to geth er r o ll o n to p a m e. I c lo se m y e yes, s a y th e L ord 's p ra yer to m yse lf . B ut it d on't m ak e m e fe el a ny b ette r.

Law h elp m e, b ut s o m eth in g's g o ne h ave to b e d one.

BA BY G ir l H ug O n M Y L EG S a ll a fte rn o on to w here I b out fa ll o ver a fe w tim es. I d on't m in d .

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e o r M ae M oble y s in ce th is m orn in g. B een w ork in g s o b usy o n th at s e w in g m achin e in h er b ed ro om . T ry in g to c o ver u p s o m eth in g e ls e s h e d on't lik e th e lo ok o f in th e h o use .

Afte r w hile m e a nd M ae M oble y g o in th e r e gula r liv in g r o om . I g o t a lo ad a M is te r L eefo lt 's s h ir ts to ir o n a nd a fte r th is I 'm o n g et a p ot r o ast g o in g. I c le aned th e b ath ro om s a lr e ad y, g o t th e s h eets changed , th e r u gs v acuum ed . I a lw ays tr y to fin is h u p e arly s o m e a nd B ab y G ir l c an s e t to geth er and p la y.

Mis s L eefo lt c o m e in a nd w atc h m e ir o nin g. S he d o th at s o m etim es. F ro w n a nd lo ok. T hen s h e sm ile r e al q uic k w hen I g la nce u p . P at u p th e b ack a h er h air , tr y in g to m ak e it p uffy .

"A ib ile en, I h ave a s u rp ris e fo r y o u." She s m ilin g b ig n o w . S he d on't h ave n o te eth s h o w in g, ju st a lip s m ile , k in d y o u g o t to w atc h.

"M is te r L eefo lt a nd I h ave d ecid ed to b uild y o u y o ur v ery o w n b ath ro om ." S he c la p h er h and s to geth er, d ro p h er c hin a t m e. " It's r ig ht o ut th ere in th e g ara ge." "Y es m a'a m ." W here s h e th in k I b een a ll th is tim e?

"S o, fr o m n o w o n, in ste ad o f u sin g th e g uest b ath ro om , y o u c an u se y o ur o w n r ig ht o ut th ere . W on't th at b e n ic e?" "Y es m a'a m ." I k eep ir o nin g. T ee-v ee's o n a nd m y p ro gra m 's fix in g to s ta rt. S he k eep s ta nd in g th ere lo okin g a t m e th o ugh.

"S o y o u'll u se th at o ne o ut in th e g ara ge n o w , y o u u nd ers ta nd ?" I d on't lo ok a t h er. I 'm n o t tr y in g to m ak e n o tr o ub le , b ut s h e d one m ad e h er p oin t.

"D on't y o u w ant to g et s o m e tis su e a nd g o o n o ut th ere a nd u se it ? " "M is s L eefo lt , I d on't r e ally h ave to g o r ig ht th is s e co nd ." Mae M oble y p oin t a t m e fr o m th e p la yp en, s a y, " M ae M o ju ic e?" "I g et y o u s o m e ju ic e, b ab y," I s a y.

"O h." M is s L eefo lt lic k h er lip s a fe w tim es. " B ut w hen y o u d o, y o u'll g o o n b ack th ere a nd u se th at one n o w , I m ean... o nly th at o ne, r ig ht? " Mis s L eefo lt w ear a lo t a m ak eup , c re am y-lo okin g s tu ff, th ic k . T hat y ello w is h m ak eup 's s p re ad acro ss h er lip s to o, s o y o u c an b are ly te ll s h e e ven g o t a m outh . I s a y w hat I k no w s h e w ant to h ear:

"I u se m y c o lo re d b ath ro om fr o m n o w o n. A nd th en I g o o n a nd C lo ro x th e w hit e b ath ro om a gain re al g o od." "W ell, th ere 's n o h urry . A nytim e to day w ould b e fin e." But b y th e w ay s h e s ta nd in g th ere fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g, s h e r e ally m ean fo r m e to d o it r ig ht no w .

I p ut th e ir o n d ow n r e al s lo w , fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in m y c hest, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r T re elo re die d . M y fa ce g o es h o t, m y to ngue tw it c hy. I d on't k no w w hat to s a y to h er. A ll I k no w is , I a in 't sa yin g it . A nd I k no w s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat s h e w ant a s a y e it h er a nd it 's a s tr a nge th in g h ap penin g here c ause n o body s a yin g n o th in g a nd w e s till m anagin g to h ave u s a c o nvers a tio n.

MIN NY ch ap te r 3 S TA N DIN G O n th at w hit e la d y's b ack p orc h, I te ll m yse lf , Tuck it in , M in ny.

T uck in w hate ver m ig ht fly o ut m y m outh a nd tu ck in m y b ehin d to o. L ook lik e a m aid w ho d oes w hat s h e's to ld . T ru th i s , I 'm s o n erv o us r ig ht n o w , I 'd n ever b ack ta lk a gain if it m eant I 'd g et th is jo b.

I y ank m y h o se u p fr o m s a ggin g a ro und m y fe et- -th e tr o ub le o f a ll fa t, s h o rt w om en a ro und th e w orld . T hen I r e hears e w hat to s a y, w hat to k eep to m yse lf . I g o a head a nd p unch th e b ell.

T he d oorb ell r in gs a lo ng bin g-b ong , fin e a nd fa ncy fo r th is b ig m ansio n o ut in th e c o untr y . I t lo oks l ik e a c astle , g ra y b ric k r is in g h ig h in th e s k y a nd le ft a nd r ig ht to o. W oods s u rro und th e la w n o n e very s id e. I f th is p la ce w as in a s to ry b ook, th ere 'd b e w it c hes in th o se w oods. T he k in d th at e at k id s.

T he b ack d oor o pens a nd th ere s ta nd s M is s M arily n M onro e. O r s o m eth in g k in to h er.

" H ey th ere , y o u'r e r ig ht o n tim e. I 'm C elia . C elia R ae F oote ." T he w hit e la d y s tic k s h er h and o ut to m e a nd I s tu d y h er. S he m ig ht b e b uilt lik e M arily n, b ut s h e a in 't r e ad y fo r n o s c re en te st. S he's g o t flo ur in h er y ello w h air d o. F lo ur in h er g lu e-o n e yela sh es.

A nd flo ur a ll o ver th at ta ck y p in k p ants u it . H er s ta nd in g in a c lo ud o f d ust a nd th at p ants u it b ein g s o t ig ht, I w ond er h o w s h e c an b re ath e.

" Y es m a'a m . I 'm M in ny J a ck so n." I s m ooth d ow n m y w hit e u nif o rm in ste ad o f s h ak in g h er h and . I d on't w ant th at m ess o n m e. " Y ou c o okin g s o m eth in g?" " O ne o f th o se u p sid ed ow n c ak es fr o m th e m agazin e?" S he s ig hs. " It a in 't w ork in g o ut to o g o od." I fo llo w h er in sid e a nd th at's w hen I s e e M is s C elia R ae F oote 's s u ffe re d o nly a m in o r in ju ry in th e f lo ur fia sc o . T he r e st o f th e k it c hen to ok th e r e al h it . T he c o unte rto ps, th e d oub le -d oor r e fr ig era to r, t h e K it c hen-A id m ix er a re a ll s it tin g in a b out a q uarte r- in ch o f s n o w flo ur. I t's e no ugh m ess to d riv e m e c ra zy. I a in 't e ven g o t th e jo b y et, a nd I 'm a lr e ad y lo okin g o ver a t th e s in k fo r a s p onge.

M is s C elia s a ys, " I g uess I h ave s o m e le arn in g to d o." " Y ou s u re d o," I s a y. B ut I b it e d ow n h ard o n m y to ngue.

Don't y o u g o s a ssin g t h is w hit e la dy lik e y o u d one t h e o th er. S asse d h er a ll t h e w ay t o t h e n ursin g h om e.

B ut M is s C elia , s h e ju st s m ile s, w ash es th e m uck o ff h er h and s in a s in k fu ll o f d is h es. I w ond er if m ayb e I 'v e fo und m yse lf a no th er d eaf o ne, lik e M is s W alt e rs w as. L et's h o pe s o .

" I ju st c an't s e em to g et th e h ang o f k it c hen w ork ," s h e s a ys a nd e ven w it h M arily n's w his p ery H olly w ood v o ic e, I c an te ll r ig ht o ff, s h e's fr o m way o ut in th e c o untr y . I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny s h o es o n, lik e s o m e k in d o f w hit e tr a sh . N ic e w hit e la d ie s d on't g o a ro und b are fo ot.

S he's p ro bab ly te n o r fif te en y ears y o unger th an m e, tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e, a nd s h e's r e al p re tty , b ut w hy's s h e w earin g a ll th at g o o o n h er fa ce? I 'll b et s h e's g o t o n d oub le th e m ak eup th e o th er w hit e la d ie s w ear. S he's g o t a lo t m ore b oso m to h er, to o. I n fa ct, s h e's a lm ost a s b ig a s m e e xcep t sh e's s k in ny in a ll th o se p la ces I a in 't . I ju st h o pe s h e's a n e ate r. B ecause I 'm a c o oker a nd th at's why p eo ple h ir e m e.

"C an I g et y o u a c o ld d rin k ?" s h e a sk s. " S et d ow n a nd I 'll b rin g y o u s o m eth in g." And th at's m y c lu e: s o m eth in g fu nny's g o in g o n h ere .

"L ero y, s h e g o t to b e c ra zy," I s a id w hen s h e c alle d m e u p th re e d ays a go a nd a sk ed if I 'd c o m e in te rv ie w , " c ause e verb ody in to w n th in k I s to le M is s W alt e rs ' s ilv er. A nd I k no w s h e d o to o c ause sh e c all M is s W alt e rs u p o n th e p ho ne w hen I w as th ere ." "W hit e p eo ple s tr a nge," L ero y s a id . " W ho k no w s, m ayb e th at o ld w om an g iv e y o u a g o od w ord ." I lo ok a t M is s C elia R ae F oote h ard . I 'v e n ever in m y lif e h ad a w hit e w om an te ll m e to s it d ow n s o sh e c an s e rv e m e a c o ld d rin k . S ho ot, n o w I 'm w ond erin g if th is fo ol e ven p la ns o n h ir in g a m aid o r if s h e ju st d ru g m e a ll th e w ay o ut h ere fo r s p ort.

"M ayb e w e b ette r g o o n a nd s e e th e h o use fir s t, m a'a m ." She s m ile s lik e th e th o ught n ever e nte re d th at h air s p ra yed h ead o f h ers , le ttin g m e s e e th e h o use I mig ht b e c le anin g.

"O h, o f c o urs e . C om e o n in y o nd er, M axie . I 'll s h o w y o u th e fa ncy d in in g r o om fir s t." "T he n am e," I s a y, " is M in ny." Mayb e s h e's n o t d eaf o r c ra zy. M ayb e s h e's ju st s tu p id . A s h in y h o pe r is e s u p in m e a gain .

All o ver th at b ig o le d oodie d u p h o use s h e w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd I fo llo w . T here a re te n r o om s dow nsta ir s a nd o ne w it h a s tu ffe d g riz zly b ear th at lo oks lik e it a te u p th e la st m aid a nd is b id in g fo r th e n ext o ne. A b urn ed -u p C onfe d era te fla g is fr a m ed o n th e w all, a nd o n th e ta b le is a n o ld s ilv er pis to l w it h th e n am e " C onfe d era te G enera l J o hn F oote " e ngra ved o n it . I b et G re at- G ra nd ad dy Foote s c are d s o m e s la ves w it h th at th in g.

We m ove o n a nd it s ta rts to lo ok lik e a ny n ic e w hit e h o use . E xcep t th is o ne's th e b ig gest I 'v e e ver been in a nd fu ll o f d ir ty flo ors a nd d usty r u gs, th e k in d fo lk s w ho d on't k no w a ny b ette r w ould s a y is worn o ut, b ut I k no w a n a ntiq ue w hen I s e e o ne. I 'v e w ork ed in s o m e fin e h o m es. I ju st h o pe s h e ain 't s o c o untr y s h e d on't o w n a H oover.

"J o hnny's m am a w ould n't le t m e d eco ra te a th in g. I h ad m y w ay, th ere 'd b e w all- to -w all w hit e c arp et and g o ld tr im a nd n o ne o f th is o ld s tu ff." "W here y o ur p eo ple fr o m ?" I a sk h er.

"I'm fr o m . . . S ugar D it c h." H er v o ic e d ro ps d ow n a lit tle . S ugar D it c h is a s lo w a s y o u c an g o in Mis sis sip pi, m ayb e th e w ho le U nit e d S ta te s. I t's u p in T unic a C ounty , a lm ost to M em phis . I s a w pic tu re s in th e p ap er o ne tim e, s h o w in g th o se te nant s h ack s. E ven th e w hit e k id s lo oked lik e th ey had n't h ad a m eal fo r a w eek .

Mis s C elia tr ie s to s m ile , s a ys, " T his is m y fir s t tim e h ir in g a m aid ." "W ell y o u s u re n eed o ne." Now , M in ny -- "I w as r e al g la d to g et th e r e co m mend atio n fr o m M is su s W alt e rs . S he to ld m e a ll a b out y o u. S aid yo ur c o okin g is th e b est in to w n." That m ak es z e ro s e nse to m e. A fte r w hat I d id to M is s H illy , r ig ht in fr o nt o f M is s W alt e rs to s e e?

"S he s a y... a nyth in g e ls e a b out m e?" But M is s C elia 's a lr e ad y w alk in g u p a b ig c urv in g s ta ir c ase . I fo llo w h er u p sta ir s , to a lo ng h all w it h su n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow s. E ven th o ugh th ere a re tw o y ello w b ed ro om s fo r g ir ls a nd a b lu e one a nd a g re en o ne fo r b oys, it 's c le ar th ere a re n't a ny c hild re n liv in g h ere . J u st d ust.

"W e'v e g o t fiv e b ed ro om s a nd fiv e b ath ro om s o ver h ere in th e m ain h o use ." S he p oin ts o ut th e win d ow a nd I s e e a b ig b lu e s w im min g p ool, a nd b ehin d th at, anoth er h o use . M y h eart th um ps hard .

"A nd th en th ere 's th e p oolh o use o ut y o nd er," s h e s ig hs.

I'd ta k e a ny jo b I c an g et a t th is p oin t, b ut a b ig h o use lik e th is s h o uld p ay p le nty . A nd I d on't m in d bein g b usy. I a in 't a fr a id to w ork . " W hen y o u g o ne h ave y o u s o m e c hillu ns, s ta rt fillin g u p a ll th ese bed s? " I tr y to s m ile , lo ok fr ie nd ly .

"O h, w e'r e g o nna h ave s o m e k id s." S he c le ars h er th ro at, fid gets . " I m ean, k id s is th e o nly th in g worth liv in g fo r." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er fe et. A s e co nd p asse s b efo re s h e h ead s b ack to th e s ta ir s . I fo llo w b ehin d , n o tic in g h o w s h e h o ld s th e s ta ir r a il tig ht o n th e w ay d ow n, lik e s h e's a fr a id s h e m ig ht fa ll.

It's b ack in th e d in in g r o om th at M is s C elia s ta rts s h ak in g h er h ead . " It's a n a w fu l lo t to d o," s h e sa ys. " A ll th e b ed ro om s a nd th e flo ors . . ." "Y es m a'a m , it 's b ig ," I s a y, th in k in g if s h e s a w m y h o use w it h a c o t in th e h all a nd o ne to ile t fo r s ix behin d s, s h e'd p ro bab ly r u n. " B ut I g o t lo ts a e nerg y." ". . . a nd th en th ere 's a ll th is s ilv er to c le an." She o pens u p a s ilv er c lo se t th e s iz e o f m y liv in g r o om . S he fix es a c and le th at's tu rn ed fu nny o n th e cand ela b ra a nd I c an s e e w hy s h e's lo okin g s o d oub tfu l.

Afte r th e to w n g o t w ord o f M is s H illy 's lie s, th re e la d ie s in a r o w h ung u p o n m e th e m in ute I s a id my n am e. I r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e b lo w .

Say it , la dy. S ay w hat y o u t h in kin g a bout m e a nd y o ur silv er.

I fe el lik e c ry in g th in k in g a b out h o w th is jo b w ould s u it m e fin e a nd w hat M is s H illy 's d one to keep m e fr o m g ettin g it . I fix m y e yes o n th e w in d ow , h o pin g a nd p ra yin g th is is n 't w here th e in te rv ie w e nd s.

"I k no w , th o se w in d ow s a re a w fu l h ig h. I n ever tr ie d to c le an th em b efo re ." I le t m y b re ath g o . W in d ow s a re a h eck o f a lo t b ette r s u b je ct fo r m e th an s ilv er. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o win d ow s. I c le an M is s W alt e rs ' to p to b otto m e ver fo ur w eek s." "D id s h e h ave ju st th e o ne flo or o r a d oub le d eck er? " "W ell, o ne . . . b ut th ey's a lo t to it . O ld h o use s g o t a lo t a n o oks a nd c ra nnie s, y o u k no w ." Fin ally , w e g o b ack in th e k it c hen. W e b oth s ta re d ow n a t th e b re ak fa st ta b le , b ut n eit h er o ne o f u s sit s . I 'm g ettin g s o jit te ry w ond erin g w hat s h e's th in k in g, m y h ead s ta rts to s w eat.

"Y ou g o t a b ig , p re tty h o use ," I s a y. " A ll th e w ay o ut h ere in th e c o untr y . L ot a w ork to b e d one." She s ta rts fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g. " I g uess M is su s W alt e rs ' w as a lo t e asie r th an th is w ould be. I m ean, it 's ju st u s n o w , b ut w hen w e g et to h avin g k id s . . ." "Y ou, u h, g o t s o m e o th er m aid s y o u c o nsid erin g?" She s ig hs. " A b unch h ave c o m e o ut h ere . I ju st h aven't fo und ... th e r ig ht o ne y et." S he b it e s o n h er fin gern ails , s h if ts h er e yes a w ay.

I w ait fo r h er to s a y I 'm n o t th e r ig ht o ne e it h er, b ut w e ju st s ta nd th ere b re ath in g in th at flo ur. F in ally , I p la y m y la st c ard , w his p er it b ecause it 's a ll I g o t le ft.

"Y ou k no w , I o nly le ft M is s W alt e rs c ause s h e g o in g u p to th e r e st h o m e. S he d id n't fir e m e." But s h e ju st s ta re s d ow n a t h er b are fe et, b la ck -so le d b ecause h er flo ors h aven't b een s c ru b bed sin ce s h e m oved in th is b ig o ld d ir ty h o use . A nd it 's c le ar, th is la d y d oesn 't w ant m e.

"W ell, " s h e s a ys, " I a p pre cia te y o u d riv in g a ll th is w ay. C an I a t le ast g iv e y o u s o m e m oney fo r th e gas? " I p ic k u p m y p ock etb ook a nd th ru st it u p u nd er m y a rm pit . S he g iv es m e a c heery s m ile I c o uld wip e o ff w it h o ne s w at.

Dam n th at H illy H olb ro ok.

"N o m a'a m , n o , y o u c anno t." "I k new it w as g o nna b e a c ho re fin d in g s o m eo ne, b ut . . ." I s ta nd th ere lis te nin g to h er a ctin g a ll s o rry b ut I ju st th in k , Get it o ver w it h , la dy, s o I c a n t e ll Lero y w e g ot t o m ove a ll t h e w ay t o t h e N orth P ole n ex t t o S anty C la us w here n obody's h ea rd Hilly 's lie s a bout m e.

". . . a nd if I w ere y o u I w ould n't w ant to c le an th is b ig h o use e it h er." I lo ok a t h er s q uare o n. N ow th at's ju st e xcusin g h ers e lf a lit tle to o m uch, p re te nd in g M in ny a in 't gettin g th e jo b c ause M in ny d on't want th e jo b.

"W hen y o u h ear m e s a y I d on't w ant a c le an th is h o use ?" "It's a lr ig ht, fiv e m aid s h ave a lr e ad y to ld m e it 's to o m uch w ork ." I lo ok d ow n a t m y h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound , fiv e-fo ot- ze ro s e lf p ra ctic ally b ustin g o ut o f m y unif o rm . " T oo m uch fo r m e?" She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " Y ou . . . y o u'll d o it ? " "W hy y o u th in k I d ro ve a ll th e w ay o ut h ere to k in gd om c o m e, ju st to b urn g as? " I c la m p m y m outh sh ut.

Don't g o r u ir n in g t h is n ow , s h e o ffe rin g y o u a j a y-o -b ee.

" M is s C elia , I b e h ap py to w ork fo r y o u." She la ughs a nd th e c ra zy w om an g o es to h ug m e, b ut I s te p b ack a lit tle , le t h er k no w th at's n o t th e kin d o f th in g I d o.

"H ang o n n o w , w e g o t to ta lk a b out s o m e th in gs fir s t. Y ou g o t to te ll m e w hat d ays y o u w ant m e here a nd ... a nd th at k in d a th in g." Lik e h ow m uch y o u p ayin g.

"I g uess . . . w henever y o u fe el lik e c o m in g," s h e s a ys.

"F or M is s W alt e rs I w ork S und ay th ro ugh F rid ay." Mis s C elia c hew s s o m e m ore o n h er p in k p in k y-n ail. " Y ou c an't c o m e h ere o n w eek end s." "A lr ig ht." I n eed th e d ays, b ut m ayb e la te r o n s h e'll le t m e d o s o m e p arty s e rv in g o r w hatn o t.

"M ond ay th ro ugh F rid ay th en. N ow , w hat tim e y o u w ant m e h ere in th e m orn in g?" "W hat tim e d o y o u w ant to c o m e in ?" I'v e n ever h ad th is c ho ic e b efo re . I fe el m y e yes n arro w u p . " H ow b out e ig ht. T hat's w hen M is s Walt e rs u se d to g et m e in ." "A lr ig ht, e ig ht's r e al g o od." T hen s h e s ta nd s th ere lik e s h e's w ait in g fo r m y n ext c heck er m ove.

"N ow y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e w hat tim e I g o t to le ave." "W hat tim e?" a sk s C elia .

I r o ll m y e yes a t h er. " M is s C elia , y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e th at. T hat's th e w ay it w ork s." She s w allo w s, lik e s h e's tr y in g r e al h ard to g et th is d ow n. I ju st w ant to g et th ro ugh th is b efo re s h e changes h er m in d a b out m e.

"H ow b out fo ur o 'c lo ck ?" I s a y. " I w ork e ig ht to fo ur a nd I g ets s o m e tim e fo r lu nch o r w hat- h ave- yo u." "T hat's ju st fin e." "N ow . . . w e g o t to ta lk b out p ay," I s a y a nd m y to es s ta rt w rig glin g in m y s h o es. I t m ust n o t b e much if fiv e m aid s a lr e ad y s a id n o .

Neit h er o ne o f u s s a ys a nyth in g.

"N ow c o m e o n, M is s C elia . W hat y o ur h usb and s a y y o u c an p ay?" She lo oks o ff a t th e V eg-O -M atic I b et s h e c an't e ven u se a nd s a ys, " J o hnny d oesn 't k no w ." "A lr ig ht th en. A sk h im to nig ht w hat h e w ants to p ay." "N o, J o hnny d oesn 't k no w I 'm b rin gin g in h elp ." My c hin d ro ps d ow n to m y c hest. " W hat y o u m ean h e d on't k no w ?" "I a m not te llin g J o hnny." H er b lu e e yes a re b ig , lik e s h e's s c are d to d eath o f h im .

"A nd w hat's M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd fin d a c o lo re d w om an u p in h is k it c hen?" "I'm s o rry , I ju st c an't - -" "I'll te ll y o u w hat h e's g o ne d o, h e's g o ne g et th at p is to l a nd s h o ot M in ny d ead r ig ht h ere o n th is n o - wax flo or." Mis s C elia s h ak es h er h ead . " I'm n o t te llin g h im ." "T hen I g o t to g o ," I s a y.

Shit . I k new it . I k new s h e w as c ra zy w hen I w alk ed in t h e d oor -- "It's n o t th at I 'd b e fib bin g to h im . I ju st n eed a m aid --" "A c o urs e y o u n eed a m aid . L ast o ne d one g o t s h o t in th e h ead ." "H e n ever c o m es h o m e d urin g th e d ay. J u st d o th e h eavy c le anin g a nd te ach m e h o w to fix s u p per and it 'll o nly ta k e a fe w m onth s--" My n o se p ric k le s fr o m s o m eth in g b urn in g. I s e e a w aft o f s m oke c o m in g fr o m th e o ven. " A nd th en what, y o u g o ne fir e m e a fte r th em fe w m onth s? " "T hen I 'll . . . te ll h im ," s h e s a y b ut s h e's fr o w nin g a t th e th o ught. " P le ase , I w ant h im to th in k I c an do it o n m y o w n. I w ant h im to th in k I 'm . . . w orth th e tr o ub le ." "M is s C elia . . ." I s h ak e m y h ead , n o t b elie vin g I 'm a lr e ad y a rg uin g w it h th is la d y a nd I h aven't work ed h ere tw o m in ute s. " I th in k y o u d one b urn ed u p y o ur c ak e." She g ra b s a r a g a nd r u sh es to th e o ven a nd je rk s th e c ak e o ut. " O ww! D aw go n it ! " I s e t m y p ock etb ook d ow n, s id le h er o ut o f th e w ay. " Y ou c an't u se n o w et to w el o n a h o t p an." I g ra b a d ry r a g a nd ta k e th at b la ck c ak e o ut th e d oor, s e t it d ow n o n th e c o ncre te s te p .

Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n a t h er b urn ed h and . " M is su s W alt e rs s a id y o u w ere a r e al g o od c o ok." "T hat o ld w om an e at tw o b utte rb eans a nd s a y s h e fu ll. I c o uld n't g et h er to e at n o th in g." "H ow m uch w as s h e p ayin g y o u?" "D olla r a n h o ur," I s a y, fe elin g k in d o f a sh am ed . F iv e y ears a nd n o t e ven m in im um w age.

"T hen I 'll p ay y o u tw o." And I fe el a ll th e b re ath s lip o ut o f m e.

"W hen M is te r J o hnny g et o ut th e h o use in th e m orn in g?" I a sk , c le anin g u p th e b utte rs tic k m elt in g rig ht o n th e c o unte r, n o t e ven a p la te u nd er it .

"S ix . H e c an't s ta nd to d o-d ad a ro und h ere v ery lo ng. T hen h e h ead s b ack fr o m h is r e al e sta te o ffic e ab out fiv e." I d o s o m e fig urin g a nd e ven w it h th e fe w er h o urs it 'd b e m ore p ay. B ut I c an't g et p aid if I g et s h o t dead . " I'll le ave a t th re e th en. G iv e m yse lf tw o h o urs c o m in g a nd g o in g s o I c an s ta y o ut a h is w ay." "G ood." S he n o ds. " It's b est to b e s a fe ." On th e b ack s te p , M is s C elia d um ps th e c ak e in a p ap er s a ck . " I'll h ave to b ury th is in th e w aste b in so h e w on't k no w I 'v e b urn ed u p a no th er o ne." I ta k e th e b ag o ut o f h er h and s. " M is te r J o hnny a in 't s e ein g n o th in g. I 'll th ro w it o ut a t m y h o use ." "O h, th ank y o u." M is s C elia s h ak es h er h ead lik e th at's th e n ic est th in g a nyo ne's e ver d one fo r h er.

She h o ld s h er h and s in tig ht lit tle fis ts u nd er h er c hin . I w alk o ut to m y c ar.

I s it in th e s a ggin g s e at o f th e F ord L ero y's s till p ayin g h is b oss tw elv e d olla rs e very w eek fo r. R elie f hit s m e. I h ave fin ally g o tte n m yse lf a jo b. I d on't h ave to m ove to th e N orth P ole . W on't S anty Cla us b e d is a p poin te d .

"S IT D O W N O n Y O UR B EH IN D, M in ny, b ecause I 'm a b out to te ll y o u th e r u le s fo r w ork in g in a Whit e L ad y's h o use ." I w as fo urte en y ears o ld to th e d ay. I s a t a t th e lit tle w ooden ta b le in m y m am a's k it c hen e yein g th at cara m el c ak e o n th e c o olin g r a ck , w ait in g to b e ic ed . B ir th d ays w ere th e o nly d ay o f th e y ear I w as allo w ed to e at a s m uch a s I w ante d .

I w as a b out to q uit s c ho ol a nd s ta rt m y fir s t r e al jo b. M am a w ante d m e to s ta y o n a nd g o to n in th gra d e--sh e'd a lw ays w ante d to b e a s c ho olt e acher in ste ad o f w ork in g in M is s W oodra 's h o use . B ut wit h m y s is te r's h eart p ro ble m a nd m y n o -g o od d ru nk d ad dy, it w as u p to m e a nd M am a. I a lr e ad y knew a b out h o use w ork . A fte r s c ho ol, I d id m ost o f th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. B ut if I w as g o in g off to w ork in s o m eb ody e ls e 's h o use , w ho 'd b e lo okin g a fte r o urs ?

Mam a tu rn ed m e b y th e s h o uld ers s o I 'd lo ok a t h er in ste ad o f th e c ak e. M am a w as a c ra ck -w hip . She w as p ro per. S he to ok n o th in g fr o m n o body. S he s h o ok h er fin ger s o c lo se to m y fa ce, it m ad e me c ro ss-e yed .

"R ule N um ber O ne fo r w ork in g fo r a w hit e la d y, M in ny: it is n o body's b usin ess. Y ou k eep y o ur n o se out o f y o ur W hit e L ad y's p ro ble m s, y o u d on't g o c ry in g to h er w it h y o urs --y o u c an't p ay th e lig ht bill? Y our fe et a re to o s o re ? R em em ber o ne th in g: w hit e p eo ple a re n o t y o ur fr ie nd s. T hey d on't want to h ear a b out it . A nd w hen M is s W hit e L ad y c atc hes h er m an w it h th e la d y n ext d oor, y o u keep o ut o f it , y o u h ear m e?

"R ule N um ber T w o: d on't y o u ev er le t th at W hit e L ad y fin d y o u s it tin g o n h er to ile t. I d on't c are if yo u'v e g o t to g o s o b ad it 's c o m in g o ut o f y o ur h air b ra id s. I f th ere 's n o t o ne o ut b ack fo r th e h elp , yo u fin d y o urs e lf a tim e w hen s h e's n o t th ere in a b ath ro om s h e d oesn 't u se .

"R ule N um ber T hre e--" M am a je rk ed m y c hin b ack a ro und to fa ce h er b ecause th at c ak e h ad lu re d me in a gain . " R ule N um ber T hre e: w hen y o u'r e c o okin g w hit e p eo ple 's fo od, y o u ta ste it w it h a dif fe re nt s p oon. Y ou p ut th at s p oon to y o ur m outh , th in k n o body's lo okin g, p ut it b ack in th e p ot, mig ht a s w ell th ro w it o ut.

"R ule N um ber F our: Y ou u se th e s a m e c up , s a m e fo rk , s a m e p la te e very d ay. K eep it in a s e p ara te cup board a nd te ll th at w hit e w om an th at's th e o ne y o u'll u se fr o m h ere o n o ut.

"R ule N um ber F iv e: y o u e at in th e k it c hen.

"R ule N um ber S ix : y o u d on't h it o n h er c hild re n. W hit e p eo ple lik e to d o th eir o w n s p ank in g." "R ule N um ber S even: th is is th e la st o ne, M in ny. A re y o u lis te nin g to m e? N o s a ss-m outh in g." "M am a, I k no w h o w --" "O h, I h ear y o u w hen y o u th in k I c an't , m utte rin g a b out h avin g to c le an th e s to vep ip e, a b out th e la st lit tle p ie ce o f c hic k en le ft fo r p oor M in ny. Y ou s a ss a w hit e w om an in th e m orn in g, y o u'll b e s a ssin g out o n th e s tr e et in th e a fte rn o on." I s a w th e w ay m y m am a a cte d w hen M is s W oodra b ro ught h er h o m e, a ll Y es M a'a m in g, N o Ma'a m in g, I s u re d o th ank y o u M a'a m in g.

Why I g ot t o b e lik e t h at? I k now h ow t o s ta nd u p t o peo ple .

"N ow c o m e h ere a nd g iv e y o ur m am a a h ug o n y o ur b ir th d ay--L ord , y o u a re h eavy a s a h o use , Min ny." "I a in 't e ate n a ll d ay, w hen c an I h ave m y c ak e?" "D on't s a y a in 't , y o u s p eak p ro perly n o w . I d id n't r a is e y o u to ta lk lik e a m ule ." Fir s t d ay a t m y W hit e L ad y's h o use , I a te m y h am s a nd w ic h in th e k it c hen, p ut m y p la te u p in m y sp ot in th e c up board . W hen th at lit tle b ra t s to le m y p ock etb ook a nd h id it in th e o ven, I d id n't who op h er o n th e b ehin d .

But w hen th e W hit e L ad y s a id : " N ow I w ant y o u to b e s u re a nd h and w ash a ll th e c lo th es fir s t, th en put th em in th e e le ctr ic m achin e to fin is h u p ." I s a id : " W hy I g o t to h and w ash w hen th e p ow er w ash er g o ne d o th e jo b? T hat's th e b ig gest w aste a tim e I e ver h eard o f." That W hit e L ad y s m ile d a t m e, a nd fiv e m in ute s la te r, I w as o ut o n th e s tr e et.

WORK IN G F O R M is s C ELIA , I 'll g et to s e e m y k id s o ff to S pann E le m enta ry in th e m orn in g a nd still g et h o m e in th e e venin g w it h tim e to m yse lf . I h aven't h ad a n ap s in ce K in d ra w as b orn in 1 957, but w it h th ese h o urs --e ig ht to th re e--I c o uld h ave o ne e very d ay if th at w as m y id ea o f a fin e tim e.

Sin ce n o b us g o es a ll th e w ay o ut to M is s C elia 's , I h ave to ta k e L ero y's c ar.

"Y ou a in 't ta k in g m y c ar e very d ay, w om an, w hat if I g et th e d ay s h if t a nd n eed to --" "S he p ayin g m e s e venty d olla rs c ash e very F rid ay, L ero y." "M ayb e I ta k e S ugar's b ik e." On T uesd ay, th e d ay a fte r th e in te rv ie w , I p ark th e c ar d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m M is s C elia 's h o use , aro und a c urv e s o y o u c an't s e e it . I w alk fa st o n th e e m pty r o ad a nd u p th e d riv e. N o o th er c ars co m e b y.

"I'm h ere , M is s C elia ." I s tic k m y h ead in h er b ed ro om th at fir s t m orn in g a nd th ere s h e is , p ro pped up o n th e c o vers w it h h er m ak eup p erfe ct a nd h er tig ht F rid ay-n ig ht c lo th es o n e ven th o ugh it 's Tuesd ay, r e ad in g th e tr a sh in th e Holly w ood D ig est lik e it 's th e H oly B .

"G ood m orn in g, M in ny! I t's r e al g o od to s e e y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd I b ris tle , h earin g a w hit e la d y b ein g so fr ie nd ly .

I lo ok a ro und th e b ed ro om , s iz in g u p th e jo b. I t's b ig , w it h c re am -c o lo re d c arp et, a y ello w k in g cano py b ed , tw o fa t y ello w c hair s . A nd it 's n eat, w it h n o c lo th es o n th e flo or. T he s p re ad 's m ad e u p und ern eath h er. T he b la nk et o n th e c hair 's fo ld ed n ic e. B ut I w atc h, I lo ok. I c an fe el it . S om eth in g's wro ng.

"W hen c an w e g et to o ur fir s t c o okin g le sso n?" s h e a sk s. " C an w e s ta rt to day?" "I r e ck on in a fe w d ays, a fte r y o u g o to th e s to re a nd p ic k u p w hat w e n eed ." She th in k s a b out th is a s e co nd , s a ys, " M ayb e y o u o ught to g o , M in ny, s in ce y o u k no w w hat to b uy and a ll. " I lo ok a t h er. M ost w hit e w om en lik e to d o th eir o w n s h o ppin g. " A lr ig ht, I g o in th e m orn in g, th en." I s p ot a s m all p in k s h ag r u g s h e's p ut o n to p o f th e c arp et n ext to th e b ath ro om d oor. K in d o f c atty - co rn ere d . I 'm n o d eco ra to r, b ut I k no w a p in k r u g d oesn 't m atc h a y ello w r o om .

"M is s C elia , fo re I g et g o in g h ere , I n eed to k no w . E xactly w hen y o u p la nnin g o n te llin g M is te r Jo hnny b out m e?" She e yes th e m agazin e in h er la p . " In a fe w m onth s, I r e ck on. I o ught to k no w h o w to c o ok a nd s tu ff by th en." "B y a fe w , is y o u m eanin g tw o?" She b it e s h er lip stic k y lip s. " I w as th in k in g m ore lik e . . . fo ur." Say w hat?

I 'm n o t w ork in g fo ur m onth s lik e a n e sc ap ed c rim in al. " Y ou a in 't g o ne te ll h im till 1 963?

No m a'a m , befo re C hris tm as." She s ig hs. " A lr ig ht. B ut r ig ht b efo re ." I d o s o m e fig urin g. " T hat's a h und re d a nd . . . s ix te en d ays th en. Y ou g o ne te ll h im . A h und re d a nd six te en d ays fr o m n o w ." She g iv es m e a w orrie d fr o w n. I g uess s h e d id n't e xp ect th e m aid to b e s o g o od a t m ath . F in ally s h e sa ys, " O kay." Then I te ll h er s h e n eed s to g o o n in th e liv in g r o om , le t m e d o m y w ork in h ere . W hen s h e's g o ne, I eyeb all th e r o om , a t h o w n eat it a ll lo oks. R eal s lo w , I o pen h er c lo se t a nd ju st lik e I th o ught, fo rty - fiv e th in gs fa ll d ow n o n m y h ead . T hen I lo ok u nd er th e b ed a nd fin d e no ugh d ir ty c lo th es to w here I bet s h e's h asn 't w ash ed in m onth s.

Every d ra w er is a w re ck , e very h id den c ra nny fu ll o f d ir ty c lo th es a nd w ad ded -u p s to ck in gs. I fin d fif te en b oxes o f n ew s h ir ts fo r M is te r J o hnny s o h e w on't k no w s h e c an't w ash a nd ir o n. F in ally , I lif t up th at fu nny-lo okin g p in k s h ag r u g. U nd ern eath , th ere 's a b ig , d eep s ta in th e c o lo r o f r u st. I sh ud der.

TH AT A FTER N OON, M is s C elia a nd I m ak e a lis t o f w hat to c o ok th at w eek , a nd th e n ext morn in g I d o th e g ro cery s h o ppin g. B ut it ta k es m e tw ic e a s lo ng b ecause I h ave to d riv e a ll th e w ay to th e w hit e J it n ey J u ngle in to w n in ste ad o f th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly b y m e s in ce I fig ure s h e w on't eat fo od fr o m a c o lo re d g ro cery s to re a nd I r e ck on I d on't b la m e h er, w it h th e p ota to es h avin g in ch- lo ng e yes a nd th e m ilk a lm ost s o ur. W hen I g et to w ork , I 'm r e ad y to fig ht w it h h er o ver a ll th e re aso ns I 'm la te , b ut th ere M is s C elia is o n th e b ed lik e b efo re , s m ilin g lik e it d oesn 't m atte r. A ll dre sse d u p a nd g o in g n o w here . F or fiv e h o urs s h e s it s th ere , r e ad in g th e m agazin es. T he o nly tim e I se e h er g et u p is fo r a g la ss o f m ilk o r to p ee. B ut I d on't a sk . I 'm ju st th e m aid .

Afte r I c le an th e k it c hen, I g o in th e fo rm al liv in g r o om . I s to p in th e d oorw ay a nd g iv e th at g riz zly bear a g o od lo ng s ta re . H e's s e ven fe et ta ll a nd b arin g h is te eth . H is c la w s a re lo ng, c urle d , w it c hy- lo okin g. A t h is fe et la ys a b one-h and le d h untin g k nif e . I g et c lo se r a nd s e e h is fu r's n ap py w it h d ust.

There 's a c o bw eb b etw een h is ja w s.

Fir s t, I s w at a t th e d ust w it h m y b ro om , b ut it 's th ic k , m atte d u p in h is fu r. A ll th is d oes is m ove th e dust a ro und . S o I ta k e a c lo th a nd tr y a nd w ip e h im d ow n, b ut I s q uaw k e very tim e th at w ir y h air to uches m y h and .

Whit e p eo ple . I m ean, I h ave c le aned e very th in g fr o m r e fr ig era to rs to r e ar e nd s but w hat m ak es th at la d y th in k I k no w h o w to c le an a d am n g riz zly b ear?

I g o g et th e H oover. I s u ck th e d ir t o ff a nd e xcep t fo r a fe w s p ots w here I s u ck ed to o h ard a nd th in ned h im , I th in k it w ork ed o ut p re tty g o od.

Afte r I 'm d one w it h th e b ear, I d ust th e fa ncy b ooks n o body r e ad s, th e C onfe d era te c o at b utto ns, th e s ilv er p is to l. O n a ta b le is a g o ld p ic tu re fr a m e o f M is s C elia a nd M is te r J o hnny a t th e a lt a r a nd I lo ok c lo se to s e e w hat k in d o f m an h e is . I 'm h o pin g h e's fa t a nd s h o rt- le gged in c ase it c o m es to ru nnin g, b ut h e's n o t a nyw here c lo se . H e's s tr o ng, ta ll, th ic k . A nd h e's n o s tr a nger e it h er. L ord . H e's th e o ne w ho w ent s te ad y w it h M is s H illy a ll th o se y ears w hen I fir s t w ork ed fo r M is s W alt e rs . I never m et h im , b ut I s a w h im e no ugh tim es to b e s u re . I s h iv er, m y fe ars tr ip lin g. B ecause th at a lo ne sa ys m ore a b out th at m an th an a nyth in g.

AT O NE O 'C LO CK , M is s C elia c o m es in th e k it c hen a nd s a ys s h e's r e ad y fo r h er fir s t c o okin g le sso n. S he s e ttle s o n a s to ol. S he's w earin g a tig ht r e d s w eate r a nd a r e d s k ir t a nd e no ugh m ak eup to s c are a h o oker.

"W hat y o u k no w h o w to c o ok a lr e ad y?" I a sk .

She th in k s th is o ver, w rin k lin g h er fo re head . " M ayb e w e c o uld ju st s ta rt a t th e b egin nin g." "M ust b e s o m eth in g y o u k no w . W hat y o ur m am a te ach y o u g ro w in g u p ?" She lo oks d ow n a t th e w eb by fe et o f h er p anty h o se , s a ys, " I c an c o ok c o rn p one." I c an't h elp b ut la ugh. " W hat e ls e y o u k no w h o w to d o s id es c o rn p one?" "I c an b oil p ota to es." H er v o ic e d ro ps e ven q uie te r. " A nd I c an d o g rit s . W e d id n't h ave e le ctr ic curre nt o ut w here I liv ed . B ut I 'm r e ad y to le arn r ig ht. O n a r e al s to veto p." Lord . I 'v e n ever m et a w hit e p ers o n w ors e o ff th an m e e xcep t fo r c ra zy M is te r W ally , liv es b ehin d th e C anto n fe ed s to re a nd e ats th e c at fo od.

"Y ou b een fe ed in g y o ur h usb and g rit s a nd c o rn p one e ver d ay?" Mis s C elia n o ds. " B ut y o u'll te ach m e to c o ok r ig ht, w on't y o u?" "I'll tr y ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever to ld a w hit e w om an w hat to d o a nd I d on't r e ally k no w h o w to sta rt. I p ull u p m y h o se , th in k a b out it . F in ally , I p oin t to th e c an o n th e c o unte r.

"I r e ck on if th ere 's a nyth in g y o u o ught a k no w a b out c o okin g, it 's th is ." "T hat's ju st la rd , a in 't it ? " "N o, it a in 't ju st la rd ," I s a y. " It's th e m ost im porta nt in ventio n in th e k it c hen s in ce ja rre d mayo nnais e ." "W hat's s o s p ecia l a b out" - -sh e w rin k le s h er n o se a t it - -"p ig fa t? " "A in 't pig , it 's v egeta b le ." W ho in th is w orld d oesn 't k no w w hat C ris c o is ? " Y ou d on't h ave a c lu e o f all th e th in gs y o u c an d o w it h th is h ere c an." She s h ru gs. " F ry ?" "A in 't ju st fo r fr y in g. Y ou e ver g et a s tic k y s o m eth in g s tu ck in y o ur h air , lik e g um ?" I ja ck ham mer m y fin ger o n th e C ris c o c an. " T hat's r ig ht, C ris c o . S pre ad th is o n a b ab y's b otto m , y o u w on't e ven kno w w hat d ia p er r a sh is ." I p lo p th re e s c o ops in th e b la ck s k ille t. " S ho ot, I s e en la d ie s r u b it u nd er th ey e yes a nd o n th ey h usb and 's s c aly fe et." "L ook h o w p re tty it is ," s h e s a ys. " L ik e w hit e c ak e fr o stin g." "C le an th e g o o fr o m a p ric e ta g, ta k e th e s q ueak o ut a d oor h in ge. L ig hts g et c ut o ff, s tic k a w ic k in it a nd b urn it lik e a c and le ." I tu rn o n th e fla m e a nd w e w atc h it m elt d ow n in th e p an. " A nd a fte r a ll th at, it 'll s till fr y y o ur chic k en." "A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys, c o ncentr a tin g h ard . " W hat's n ext? " "C hic k en's b een s o ak in g in th e b utte rm ilk ," I s a y. " N ow m ix u p th e d ry ." I p our flo ur, s a lt , m ore s a lt , pep per, p ap rik a, a nd a p in ch o f c ayenne in to a d oub le d p ap er s a ck .

"N ow . P ut th e c hic k en p arts in th e b ag a nd s h ak e it ." Mis s C elia p uts a r a w c hic k en th ig h in , b um ps th e b ag a ro und . " L ik e th is ? J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n Bak e c o m merc ia ls o n th e te e-v ee?" "Y eah," I s a y a nd r u n m y to ngue u p o ver m y te eth b ecause if th at's n o t a n in su lt , I d on't k no w w hat is . " J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n B ak e." B ut th en I fr e eze . I h ear th e s o und o f a c ar m oto r o ut o n th e r o ad . I ho ld s till a nd lis te n. I s e e M is s C elia 's e yes a re b ig a nd s h e's lis te nin g to o. W e'r e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: W hat if it 's h im a nd w here w ill I h id e?

The c ar m oto r p asse s. W e b oth b re ath e a gain .

"M is s C elia ," I g rit m y te eth , " h o w c o m e y o u c an't te ll y o ur h usb and a b out m e? A in 't h e g o ne k no w when th e c o okin g g ets g o od?" "O h, I d id n't th in k o f th at! M ayb e w e o ught to b urn th e c hic k en a lit tle ." I lo ok a t h er s id ew ays. I a in 't b urn in g n o c hic k en. S he d id n't a nsw er th e r e al q uestio n, b ut I 'll g et it out o f h er s o on e no ugh.

Real c are fu l, I la y th e d ark m eat in th e p an. I t b ub ble s u p lik e a s o ng a nd w e w atc h th e th ig hs a nd le gs tu rn b ro w n. I lo ok o ver a nd M is s C elia 's s m ilin g a t m e.

"W hat? S om eth in g o n m y fa ce?" "N o," s h e s a ys, te ars c o m in g u p in h er e yes. S he to uches m y a rm . " I'm ju st r e al g ra te fu l y o u'r e h ere ." I m ove m y a rm b ack fr o m u nd er h er h and . " M is s C elia , y o u g o t a lo t m ore to b e g ra te fu l fo r th an me." "I k no w ." S he lo oks a t h er fa ncy k it c hen lik e it 's s o m eth in g th at ta ste s b ad . " I n ever d re am ed I 'd have th is m uch." "W ell, a in 't y o u lu ck y." "I'v e n ever b een h ap pie r in m y w ho le lif e ." I le ave it a t th at. U nd ern eath a ll th at h ap py, s h e s u re d oesn 't lo ok h ap py.

TH AT N IG HT, I c all A IB IL EEN .

"M is s H illy w as a t M is s L eefo lt 's y este rd ay," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a sk if a nyb ody k new w here y o u was w ork in g." "L ord y, s h e fin d m e o ut th ere , s h e r u ir n it fo r s u re ." I t's b een tw o w eek s s in ce th e T errib le A w fu l Thin g I d id to th at w om an. I k no w s h e'd ju st lo ve to s e e m e fir e d o n th e s p ot.

"W hat L ero y s a y w hen y o u to ld h im y o u g o t th e jo b?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"S ho ot. H e s tr u t a ro und th e k it c hen lik e a p lu m ed r o oste r c ause h e in fr o nt a th e k id s," I s a y. " A ct lik e h e th e o nly o ne s u p portin g th e fa m ily a nd I 'm ju st d oin g th is to k eep m y p oor s e lf e nte rta in ed .

Late r o n th o ugh, w e in b ed a nd I th o ught m y b ig o ld b ull fo r a h usb and g o ne c ry ." Aib ile en la ughs. " L ero y g o t a lo t a p rid e." "Y eah, I ju st g o t to m ak e s u re M is te r J o hnny d on't c atc h u p w it h m e." "A nd s h e a in 't to ld y o u w hy s h e d on't w ant h im to k no w ?" "A ll s h e s a y is s h e w ant h im to th in k s h e c an d o th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g h ers e lf . B ut th at a in 't why. S he h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im ." "A in 't it fu nny h o w th is w ork ed o ut. M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body, e ls e it 'll g et b ack to M is te r J o hnny.

So M is s H illy w on't fin d o ut, c ause M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body. Y ou c o uld n't a fix ed it u p b ette r yo urs e lf ." "M m-h m m" is a ll I s a y. I d on't w ant to s o und u ngra te fu l, s in ce A ib ile en's th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut I c an't h elp b ut th in k th at I 'v e ju st d oub le d m y tr o ub le , w hat w it h M is s H illy a nd n o w M is te r Jo hnny to o.

"M in ny, I b een m eanin g to a sk y o u." A ib ile en c le ars h er th ro at. " Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " "T all o ne, u se d to c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs fo r b rid ge?" "Y eah, w hat y o u th in k a b out h er? " "I d on't k no w , s h e w hit e ju st lik e th e r e st o f e m . W hy? W hat s h e s a y a b out m e?" "N oth in g a b out y o u," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he ju st . . . a fe w w eek s a go , I d on't k no w w hy I k eep th in k in g a b out it . S he a sk m e s o m eth in g. A sk d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. W hit e w om an n ever ask ed --" But th en L ero y s tu m ble s in fr o m th e b ed ro om w antin g h is c o ffe e b efo re h is la te s h if t.

"S ho ot, h e's u p ," I s a y. " T alk q uic k ." "N aw , n ever m in d . I t's n o th in g," A ib ile en s a ys.

"W hat? W hat's g o in g o n? W hat th at la d y te ll y o u?" "It w as ju st ja b ber. I t w as n o nse nse ." ch ap te r 4 M Y F IR ST W EEK a t M is s C elia 's , I s c ru b th e h o use u ntil th ere is n 't a d ust r a g o r a s tr ip ped s h eet o r e ven a r u n p anty h o se le ft to w ip e w it h . S eco nd w eek , I s c ru b th e h o use a gain b ecause it 's lik e t h e d ir t g re w b ack . T hir d w eek , I a m s a tis fie d a nd s e ttle in m y w ays.

E very d ay, M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve I 'v e c o m e b ack to w ork . I 'm th e o nly th in g t h at in te rru p ts a ll th at q uie t a ro und h er. M y h o use is a lw ays fu ll o f fiv e k id s a nd n eig hb ors a nd a h usb and . M ost d ays w hen I c o m e in to M is s C elia 's , I a m g ra te fu l fo r th e p eace.

M y h o use k eep in g ta sk s fa ll o n th e s a m e d ay fo r e very jo b I ta k e: o n M ond ay, I o il u p th e fu rn it u re .

T uesd ay, I w ash a nd ir o n th e d am n s h eets , th e d ay I h ate . W ed nesd ay is fo r s c ru b bin g th e b ath tu b r e al g o od e ven th o ugh I w ip e it d ow n e very m orn in g. T hurs d ay is fo r p olis h in g flo ors a nd s u ck in g r u gs, m in d in g th e a ntiq ue o nes w it h a h and b ro om s o th ey d on't th re ad . F rid ay is h eavy c o okin g fo r t h e w eek end a nd w hat- h ave-y o u. A nd e very d ay is m oppin g, w ash in g c lo th es a nd ir o nin g s h ir ts s o t h ey d on't g o g ettin g o ut o f h and , a nd g enera lly k eep in g th in gs c le an. S ilv er a nd w in d ow s, th ey'r e a s n eed ed . S in ce th ere a re n't a ny k id s to lo ok a fte r, th ere 's a m ple tim e le ft fo r M is s C elia 's s o -c alle d c o okin g le sso n.

M is s C elia n ever d oes a ny e nte rta in in g, s o w e ju st fix w hate ver s h e a nd M is te r J o hnny a re h avin g fo r s u p per: p ork c ho ps, fr ie d c hic k en, r o ast b eef, c hic k en p ie , la m b r a ck , b ak ed h am , fr ie d to m ato es, m ash ed p ota to es, p lu s th e v egeta b le s. O r a t le ast I c o ok a nd M is s C elia fid gets , lo okin g m ore lik e a f iv e-y ear- o ld th an th e r ic h la d y p ayin g m y r e nt. W hen th e le sso n's o ver, s h e r u sh es b ack to la yin g d ow n. I n fa ct, th e o nly tim e M is s C elia w alk s te n fe et is to c o m e in th e k it c hen fo r h er le sso n o r to s n eak u p sta ir s e very tw o o r th re e d ays, u p in th e c re ep y r o om s.

I d on't k no w w hat s h e d oes fo r fiv e m in ute s o n th e s e co nd flo or. I d on't lik e it u p th ere th o ugh.

T ho se b ed ro om s s h o uld b e s ta ck ed fu ll o f k id s la ughin g a nd h o lle rin g a nd p oopin g u p th e p la ce. B ut i t 's n o ne o f m y b usin ess w hat M is s C elia d oes w it h h er d ay, a nd a sk m e, I 'm g la d s h e's s ta yin g o ut o f m y w ay. I 'v e fo llo w ed la d ie s a ro und w it h a b ro om in o ne h and a nd a tr a sh c an in th e o th er tr y in g to k eep u p w it h th eir m ess. A s lo ng a s s h e s ta ys in th at b ed , th en I 'v e g o t a jo b. E ven th o ugh s h e h as z e ro k id s a nd n o th in g to d o a ll d ay, s h e is th e la zie st w om an I 'v e e ver s e en.

In clu din g m y s is te r D ore ena w ho n ever lif te d a r o yal fin ger g ro w in g u p b ecause s h e h ad th e h eart d efe ct th at w e la te r f o und o ut w as a fly o n th e X -ra y m achin e.

A nd it 's n o t ju st th e b ed . M is s C elia w on't le ave th e house e xcep t to g et h er h air fr o ste d a nd h er e nd s tr im med . S o fa r, th at's o nly h ap pened o nce in th e th re e w eek s I 'v e b een w ork in g. T hir ty -six y ears o ld a nd I c an s till h ear m y m am a te llin g m e, It a in 't n obody's b usin ess.

B ut I w ant to k no w w hat th at la d y's s o s c are d o f o uts id e th is p la ce.

E V ERY P A Y DAY, I g iv e M is s C elia th e c o unt. " N in ety -n in e m ore d ays till y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny b out m e." "G olly , th e tim e's g o in g b y q uic k ," s h e'll s a y w it h k in d o f a s ic k lo ok.

"C at g o t o n th e p orc h th is m orn in g, b out g iv e m e a c ad illa c a rre st th in k in g it w as M is te r J o hnny." Lik e m e, M is s C elia g ets a lit tle m ore n erv o us th e c lo se r w e g et to th e d ead lin e. I d on't k no w w hat th at m an w ill d o w hen s h e te lls h im . M ayb e h e'll te ll h er to fir e m e.

"I h o pe th at's e no ugh tim e, M in ny. D o y o u th in k I 'm g ettin g a ny b ette r a t c o okin g?" s h e s a ys, a nd I lo ok a t h er. S he's g o t a p re tty s m ile , w hit e s tr a ig ht te eth , b ut s h e is th e w ors t c o ok I h ave e ver s e en.

So I b ack u p a nd te ach h er th e s im ple st th in gs b ecause I w ant h er to le arn a nd le arn it fa st. S ee, I need h er to e xp la in to h er h usb and w hy a h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound N egro w om an h as k eys to his h o use . I n eed h im to k no w w hy I h ave h is s te rlin g s ilv er a nd M is s C elia 's z illio n-k ara t r u b y earrin gs in m y h and e very d ay. I need h im to k no w th is b efo re h e w alk s in o ne fin e d ay a nd c alls th e polic e. O r s a ves a d im e a nd ta k es c are o f b usin ess h im se lf .

"G et th e h am h o ck o ut, m ak e s u re y o u g o t e no ugh w ate r in th ere , th at's r ig ht. N ow tu rn u p th e fla m e. S ee th at lit tle b ub ble th ere , th at m eans th e w ate r's h ap py." Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n in to th e p ot lik e s h e's lo okin g fo r h er fu tu re . " A re y o u h ap py, M in ny?" "W hy y o u a sk m e fu nny q uestio ns lik e th at? " "B ut a re y o u?" "C ours e I 's h ap py. Y ou h ap py to o. B ig h o use , b ig y ard , h usb and lo okin g a fte r y o u." I fr o w n a t M is s Celia a nd I m ak e s u re s h e c an s e e it . B ecause a in 't th at w hit e p eo ple fo r y o u, w ond erin g if th ey a re hap py en ough .

And w hen M is s C elia b urn s th e b eans, I tr y a nd u se s o m e o f th at s e lf - c o ntr o l m y m am a s w ore I w as born w it h o ut. " A lr ig ht," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth , " w e'll d o a no th er b atc h fo re M is te r J o hnny g et ho m e." Any o th er w om an I 'v e w ork ed fo r, I w ould 'v e lo ved to h ave h ad ju st o ne h o ur o f b ossin g th em aro und , s e e h o w th ey lik e it . B ut M is s C elia , th e w ay s h e s ta re s a t m e w it h th o se b ig e yes lik e I 'm th e b est th in g s in ce h air s p ra y in th e c an, I a lm ost r a th er s h e'd o rd er m e a ro und lik e s h e's s u p pose d to . I s ta rt to w ond er if h er la yin g d ow n a ll th e tim e h as a nyth in g to d o w it h h er n o t te llin g M is te r Jo hnny a b out m e. I g uess s h e c an s e e th e s u sp ic io us in m y e ye to o, b ecause o ne d ay, o ut o f th e b lu e sh e s a ys:

"I g et th ese n ig htm are s a lo t, th at I h ave to g o b ack to S ugar D it c h a nd liv e? T hat's w hy I la y d ow n so m uch." T hen s h e n o ds r e al fa st, lik e s h e's b een r e hears in g th is . " C ause I d on't s le ep r e al w ell a t nig ht." I g iv e h er a s tu p id s m ile , lik e I r e ally b elie ve th is , a nd g o b ack to w ip in g th e m ir ro rs .

"D on't d o it to o g o od. L eave s o m e s m ud ges." It's a lw ays s o m eth in g, m ir ro rs , flo ors , a d ir ty g la ss in th e s in k o r th e tr a sh c an fu ll. " W e'v e g o t to mak e it b elie vab le ," s h e'll s a y a nd I fin d m yse lf r e achin g fo r th at d ir ty g la ss a h und re d tim es to w ash it . I lik e th in gs c le an, p ut a w ay.

"I W IS H I C O ULD T EN D to th at a za le a b ush o ut th ere ," M is s C elia s a ys o ne d ay. S he's ta k en to la yin g o n th e c o uch w hile m y s to rie s a re o n, in te rru p tin g th e w ho le tim e. I 'v e b een tu ned in to The Guid in g L ig ht fo r tw enty -fo ur y ears , s in ce I w as te n y ears o ld a nd lis te nin g to it o n M am a's r a d io .

A D re ft c o m merc ia l c o m es o n a nd M is s C elia s ta re s o ut th e b ack w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d m an r a k in g up th e le aves. S he's g o t s o m any a za le a b ush es, h er y ard 's g o in g to lo ok lik e Gone W it h t h e W in d co m e s p rin g. I d on't lik e a za le as a nd I s u re d id n't lik e th at m ovie , th e w ay th ey m ad e s la very lo ok lik e a b ig h ap py te a p arty . I f I 'd p la yed M am my, I 'd o f to ld S carle tt to s tic k th o se g re en d ra p erie s u p her w hit e lit tle p ooper. M ak e h er o w n d am n m an-c atc hin g d re ss.

"A nd I k no w I c o uld m ak e th at r o se b ush b lo om if I p ru ned it b ack ," M is s C elia s a ys. " B ut th e fir s t th in g I 'd d o is c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e." "W hat's w ro ng w it h th at tr e e?" I p re ss th e c o rn er o f m y ir o n in to M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r- p oin t. I d on't even h ave a s h ru b , m uch le ss a tr e e, in m y e ntir e y ard .

"I d on't lik e th o se h air y flo w ers ." S he g aze s o ff lik e s h e's g o ne s o ft in th e h ead . " T hey lo ok lik e lit tle bab y h air s ." I g et th e c re ep ers w it h h er ta lk in g th at w ay. " Y ou k no w a b out flo w ers ? " She s ig hs. " I u se d to lo ve to te nd to m y flo w ers b ack in S ugar D it c h. I le arn ed to g ro w th in gs h o pin g I c o uld p re tty u p a ll th at u glin ess." "G o h ead o uts id e th en," I s a y, tr y in g n o t to s o und to o e xcit e d . " T ak e s o m e e xerc is e . G et s o m e fr e sh air ." Get o ut a h ere .

"N o," M is s C elia s ig hs. " I s h o uld n't b e r u nnin g a ro und o ut th ere . I n eed to b e s till. " It's r e ally s ta rtin g to ir rit a te m e h o w s h e n ever le aves th e h o use , h o w s h e s m ile s lik e th e m aid w alk in g in e very m orn in g is th e b est p art o f h er d ay. I t's lik e a n it c h. E very d ay I r e ach fo r it a nd c an't q uit e sc ra tc h it . E very d ay, it it c hes a lit tle w ors e . E very d ay s h e's th ere .

"M ayb e y o u o ught to g o m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s," I s a y. " L ot a la d ie s y o ur a ge in to w n." She fr o w ns u p a t m e. " I'v e b een tr y in g. I c an't te ll y o u th e u m pte en tim es I 'v e c alle d th o se la d ie s to se e if I c an h elp w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit o r d o s o m eth in g fr o m h o m e. B ut th ey w on't c all m e back . N one o f th em ." I d on't s a y a nyth in g to th is b ecause a in 't th at a s u rp ris e . W it h h er b oso m s h angin g o ut a nd h er h air co lo re d G old N ugget. "G o s h o ppin g th en. G o g et y o u s o m e n ew c lo th es. G o d o w hate ver w hit e w om en d o w hen th e maid 's h o m e." "N o, I th in k I 'll g o r e st a w hile ," s h e s a ys a nd tw o m in ute s la te r I h ear h er c re ep in g a ro und u p sta ir s in th e e m pty b ed ro om s.

The m im osa b ra nch k no ck s a gain st th e w in d ow a nd I ju m p, b urn m y th um b. I s q ueeze m y e yes s h ut to s lo w m y h eart. N in ety -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is m ess a nd I d on't k no w h o w I c an ta k e a m in ute more .

"M am a, fix m e s o m eth in g to e at. I 'm h ungry ." T hat's w hat m y y o ungest g ir l, K in d ra , w ho 's fiv e, s a id to m e la st n ig ht. W it h a h and o n h er h ip a nd h er fo ot s tu ck o ut.

I h ave fiv e k id s a nd I ta k e p rid e th at I ta ught th em yes m a'a m a nd ple a se b efo re th ey c o uld e ven sa y co okie .

All e xcep t o ne.

"Y ou a in 't h avin g n o th in g till s u p per," I to ld h er.

"W hy y o u s o m ean to m e? I hate y o u," s h e y elle d a nd r a n o ut th e d oor.

I s e t m y e yes o n th e c eilin g b ecause th at's a s h o ck I w ill n ever g et u se d to , e ven w it h fo ur b efo re h er.

The d ay y o ur c hild s a ys s h e h ate s y o u, a nd e very c hild w ill g o th ro ugh th e p hase , it k ic k s lik e a fo ot in th e s to m ach.

But K in d ra , L ord . I t's n o t ju st a p hase I 'm s e ein g. T hat g ir l is tu rn in g o ut ju st lik e m e.

I'm s ta nd in g in M is s C elia 's k it c hen th in k in g a b out la st n ig ht, w hat w it h K in d ra a nd h er m outh , B enny and h is a sth m a, m y h usb and L ero y c o m in g h o m e d ru nk tw o tim es la st w eek . H e k no w s th at's th e one th in g I c an't s ta nd a fte r n urs in g m y d ru nk d ad dy fo r te n y ears , m e a nd M am a w ork in g o urs e lv es to d eath s o h e h ad a fu ll b ottle . I g uess I o ught to b e m ore u p se t a b out a ll th is , b ut la st n ig ht, a s a n I'm s o rry , L ero y c am e h o m e w it h a s a ck o f e arly o kra . H e k no w s it 's m y fa vo rit e th in g to e at.

Tonig ht I 'm g o in g to fr y u p th at o kra in s o m e c o rn m eal a nd e at lik e m y m am a n ever le t m e.

That's n o t th e o nly tr e at to m y d ay e it h er. I t's O cto ber fir s t a nd h ere I a m p eelin g p eaches. M is te r Jo hnny's m am a b ro ught b ack tw o c ra te s fr o m M exic o , h eavy a s b ase b alls . T hey a re r ip e a nd s w eet and lik e c uttin g th ro ugh b utte r. I d on't ta k e c harit y fr o m w hit e la d ie s b ecause I know th ey ju st w ant me to o w e th em . B ut w hen M is s C elia to ld m e to ta k e a d oze n p eaches h o m e I p ulle d o ut a s a ck and p lo pped tw elv e r ig ht in . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'm e atin g fr ie d o kra fo r s u p per a nd p each co bble r fo r d esse rt.

I'm w atc hin g th e lo ng, fu zzy p eel fo ld d ow n in to M is s C elia 's b asin , p ayin g n o m in d a t a ll to th e driv ew ay. U su ally w hen I 'm s ta nd in g a t h er k it c hen s in k , I m ap o ut m y g eta w ay fr o m M is te r J o hnny.

The k it c hen's th e b est r o om fo r it b ecause th e fr o nt w in d ow lo oks o ut to th e s tr e et. T all a za le a bush es h id e m y fa ce, b ut I c an s e e th ro ugh e no ugh to s p ot a n a p pro acher. I f h e c am e in th e fr o nt door, th e b ack d oor w ould e sc ap e m e in to th e g ara ge. I f h e c am e in th e b ack , I c o uld s lip o ut th e fr o nt. A no th er d oor in th e k it c hen le ad s o ut to th e b ack yard , ju st in c ase . B ut w hat w it h th e ju ic e ru nnin g d ow n m y h and a nd m e n eara b out d ru nk o n th e b utte r s m ell, I a m lo st in a p each-p eelin g re verie . I d on't e ven n o tic e th e b lu e tr u ck p ull in .

The m an's m ad e it h alf w ay u p th e w alk b y th e tim e I lo ok u p . I c atc h a s liv er o f a w hit e s h ir t, th e varie ty o f w hic h I 'm u se d to ir o nin g e very d ay, a nd th e le g o f a p air o f k hak i p ants lik e I h ang u p in Mis te r J o hnny's c lo se t. I c ho ke o n a y elp . M y k nif e c la tte rs in th e s in k .

"M is s C elia !" I d ash in to h er b ed ro om . " M is te r J o hnny hom e !" Mis s C elia ju m ps o ut o f b ed fa ste r th an I 'v e s e en h er m ove b efo re . I tu rn a ro und in a n id io t c ir c le .

Where a m I g oin g? W hic h w ay d o I g o? W hat h appen ed t o m y g eta w ay p la n?

A nd th en I s n ap in to d ecis io n--th e g uest b ath ro om !

I s lip in a nd k eep th e d oor c ra ck ed . I c ro uch u p o n th e to ile t s e at s o h e c an't s e e m y fe et u nd er th e door. I t's d ark in h ere a nd h o t. I fe el lik e m y h ead 's o n fir e . S w eat d rip s o ff m y c hin a nd s p la ts o n th e flo or. I fe el s ic k b y th e th ic k s m ell o f g ard enia s o ap s b y th e s in k .

I h ear fo ots te p s. I h o ld m y b re ath .

The fo ots te p s s to p. M y h eart is th um pin g lik e a c at in a c lo th es d ry er. W hat if M is s C elia p re te nd s sh e d oesn 't k no w m e s o s h e w on't g et in tr o ub le ? A cts lik e I 'm a b urg la r? Oh, I h ate h er! I h ate th at s tu pid w om an!

I lis te n, b ut a ll I c an h ear is m y o w n p antin g. T he th ud -th ud in m y c hest. M y a nk le s h urt a nd c re ak , ho ld in g u p m y b ody lik e th is .

My e yes g ro w s h arp er in th e d ark . A fte r a m in ute , I s e e m yse lf in th e m ir ro r o ver th e s in k . C ro uched lik e a fo ol o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t.

Look a t m e. L ook w hat it 's c o m e to fo r M in ny J a ck so n to m ak e a d am n liv in g.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 5 I D RIV E M Y m am a's C ad illa c fa st o n th e g ra vel r o ad , h ead ed h o m e. P ats y C lin e c an't e ven b e h eard o n th e r a d io a nym ore , fo r a ll th e r o ck s b angin g th e s id e o f th e c ar. M oth er w ould b e fu rio us, b ut I ju st d riv e fa ste r. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out w hat H illy s a id to m e to day a t b rid ge c lu b .

H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I h ave b een b est fr ie nd s s in ce P ow er E le m enta ry . M y fa vo rit e p ho to gra p h is o f th e th re e o f u s s it tin g in th e fo otb all s ta nd s in ju nio r h ig h, a ll ja m med to geth er, s h o uld er to s h o uld er. W hat m ak es th e p ic tu re , th o ugh, is th at th e s ta nd s a re c o m ple te ly e m pty a ro und u s. W e s a t c lo se b ecause w e w ere c lo se .

A t O le M is s, H illy a nd I r o om ed to geth er fo r tw o y ears b efo re s h e le ft to g et m arrie d a nd I s ta yed o n to g ra d uate . I r o lle d th ir te en c urle rs in h er h air e very n ig ht a t th e C hi O mega h o use . B ut to day, s h e th re ate ned to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague. N ot th at I c are s o m uch a b out th e L eague, b ut I w as h urt b y h o w e asily m y fr ie nd w ould b e w illin g to c ast m e a sid e.

I tu rn u p th e la ne th at le ad s to L ongle af, m y fa m ily 's c o tto n p la nta tio n. T he g ra vel q uie ts to s m ooth , y ello w d ust a nd I s lo w d ow n b efo re M oth er s e es h o w fa st I 'm d riv in g. I p ull u p to th e h o use a nd g et o ut. M oth er is r o ck in g o n th e fr o nt p orc h.

" C om e s it , d arlin g," s h e s a ys, w avin g m e to w ard a r o ck in g c hair b esid e h er. " P asc ago ula 's ju st w axed th e flo ors . L et th em d ry a w hile ." " A lr ig ht, M am a." I k is s h er p ow dery c heek . B ut I d on't s it . I le an o n th e p orc h r a ilin g, lo ok o ut o n t h e th re e m ossy o ak tr e es in th e fr o nt y ard . E ven th o ugh it 's o nly fiv e m in ute s o uts id e o f to w n, m ost p eo ple c o nsid er th is th e c o untr y o ut h ere . S urro und in g o ur y ard lie te n th o usa nd a cre s o f D ad dy's c o tto n fie ld s, th e p la nts g re en a nd s tr o ng, ta ll a s m y w ais t. A fe w c o lo re d m en s it u nd er a d is ta nt s h ed , s ta rin g in to th e h eat. E very o ne is w ait in g fo r th e s a m e th in g, fo r th e c o tto n b olls to o pen.

I th in k a b out h o w th in gs a re d if fe re nt b etw een H illy a nd m e, s in ce I c am e h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. B ut w ho is th e d if fe re nt p ers o n, h er o r m e?

" D id I te ll y o u?" M oth er s a ys. " F anny P eatr o w g o t e ngaged ." " G ood fo r F anny." " N ot e ven a m onth a fte r s h e g o t th at te lle r jo b a t th e F arm er's B ank ." " T hat's g re at, M oth er." " I k no w ," s h e s a ys, a nd I tu rn to s e e o ne o f th o se lig htb ulb -p oppin g lo oks o f h ers . " W hy d on't y o u g o d ow n to th e b ank a nd a p ply fo r a te lle r jo b?" " I d on't w ant to b e a b ank te lle r, M am a." M oth er s ig hs, n arro w s h er e yes a t th e s p anie l, S helb y, lic k in g h is n eth er p arts . I e ye th e fr o nt d oor, t e m pte d to r u in th e c le an flo ors a nyw ay. W e'v e h ad th is c o nvers a tio n s o m any tim es.

" F our y ears m y d aughte r g o es o ff to c o lle ge a nd w hat d oes s h e c o m e h o m e w it h ?" s h e a sk s. "A d ip lo m a?" "A p re tty p ie ce o f p ap er," M oth er s a ys.

"I to ld y o u. I d id n't m eet a nyb ody I w ante d to m arry ," I s a y.

Moth er r is e s fr o m h er c hair , c o m es c lo se s o I 'll lo ok h er in h er s m ooth , p re tty fa ce. S he's w earin g a navy b lu e d re ss, n arro w a lo ng h er s lim b ones. A s u su al h er lip stic k is ju st s o , b ut w hen s h e s te p s in to th e b rig ht a fte rn o on s u n, I s e e d ark s ta in s, d eep a nd d rie d , o n th e fr o nt o f h er c lo th es. I s q uin t m y eyes, tr y in g to s e e if th e s ta in s a re r e ally th ere . " M am a? A re y o u fe elin g b ad ?" "If y o u'd ju st s h o w a lit tle g um ptio n, E ugenia --" "Y our d re ss is a ll d ir ty o n th e fr o nt." Moth er c ro sse s h er a rm s. " N ow , I ta lk ed to F anny's m oth er a nd s h e s a id F anny w as p ra ctic ally sw im min g in o pportu nit ie s o nce s h e g o t th at jo b." I d ro p th e d re ss is su e. I 'll n ever b e a b le to te ll M oth er I w ant to b e a w rit e r. S he'll o nly tu rn it in to yet a no th er th in g th at s e p ara te s m e fr o m th e m arrie d g ir ls . N or c an I te ll h er a b out C harle s G ra y, m y math s tu d y p artn er la st s p rin g, a t O le M is s. H ow h e'd g o tte n d ru nk s e nio r y ear a nd k is se d m e a nd th en s q ueeze d m y h and s o h ard it s h o uld 'v e h urt b ut it d id n't , it fe lt w ond erfu l th e w ay h e w as ho ld in g m e a nd lo okin g in to m y e yes. A nd th en h e m arrie d fiv e-fo ot J e nny S prig .

What I n eed ed to d o w as fin d a n a p artm ent in to w n, th e k in d o f b uild in g w here s in gle , p la in g ir ls liv ed , s p in ste rs , s e cre ta rie s, te achers . B ut th e o ne tim e I h ad m entio ned u sin g m oney fr o m m y tr u st fu nd , M oth er h ad c rie d --re al te ars . " T hat is n o t w hat th at m oney's fo r, E ugenia . T o liv e in s o m e ro om in g h o use w it h s tr a nge c o okin g s m ells a nd s to ck in gs h angin g o ut th e w in d ow . A nd w hen th e money r u ns o ut, w hat th en? W hat w ill y o u liv e o n?" T hen s h e'd d ra p ed a c o ld c lo th o n h er h ead a nd go ne to b ed fo r th e d ay.

And n o w s h e's g rip pin g th e r a il, w ait in g to s e e if I 'll d o w hat fa t F anny P eatr o w d id to s a ve h ers e lf .

My o w n m oth er is lo okin g a t m e a s if I c o m ple te ly b affle h er m in d w it h m y lo oks, m y h eig ht, m y h air .

To s a y I h ave fr iz zy h air is a n u nd ers ta te m ent. I t is k in k y, m ore p ub ic th an c ra nia l, a nd w hit is h b lo nd , bre ak in g o ff e asily , lik e h ay. M y s k in is fa ir a nd w hile s o m e c all th is c re am y, it c an lo ok d ow nrig ht death ly w hen I 'm s e rio us, w hic h is a ll th e tim e. A ls o , th ere 's a s lig ht b um p o f c artila ge a lo ng th e to p of m y n o se . B ut m y e yes a re c o rn flo w er b lu e, lik e M oth er's . I 'm to ld th at's m y b est fe atu re .

"It's a ll a b out p uttin g y o urs e lf in a m an-m eetin g s it u atio n w here y o u c an--" "M am a," I s a y, ju st w antin g to e nd th is c o nvers a tio n, " w ould it r e ally b e s o te rrib le if I n ever m et a husb and ?" Moth er c lu tc hes h er b are a rm s a s if m ad e c o ld b y th e th o ught. " D on't . D on't s a y th at, E ugenia . W hy, every w eek I s e e a no th er m an in to w n o ver s ix fe et a nd I th in k , If E ugen ia w ould j u st t r y . . ." S he pre sse s h er h and to h er s to m ach, th e v ery th o ught a d vancin g h er u lc ers .

I s lip o ff m y fla ts a nd w alk d ow n th e fr o nt p orc h s te p s, w hile M oth er c alls o ut fo r m e to p ut m y sh o es b ack o n, th re ate nin g r in gw orm , m osq uit o e ncep halit is . T he in evit a b ilit y o f d eath b y n o s h o es.

Death b y n o h usb and . I s h ud der w it h th e s a m e le ft- b ehin d fe elin g I 'v e h ad s in ce I g ra d uate d fr o m co lle ge, th re e m onth s a go . I 'v e b een d ro pped o ff in a p la ce I d o n o t b elo ng a nym ore . C erta in ly n o t here w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy, m ayb e n o t e ven w it h H illy a nd E liz a b eth .

". . . h ere y o u a re tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd I 'd a lr e ad y h ad C arlt o n J r. a t y o ur a ge . . ." M oth er sa ys.

I s ta nd u nd er th e p in k c re p e m yrtle tr e e, w atc hin g M oth er o n th e p orc h. T he d ay lilie s h ave lo st th eir blo om s. I t is n early S ep te m ber.

I W AS N OT a c ute b ab y. W hen I w as b orn , m y o ld er b ro th er, C arlt o n, lo oked a t m e a nd d ecla re d to th e h o sp it a l r o om , " It's n o t a b ab y, it 's a s k eete r!" a nd fr o m th ere th e n am e s tu ck . I w as lo ng a nd le ggy a nd m osq uit o -th in , a r e co rd -b re ak in g tw enty -fiv e in ches a t B ap tis t H osp it a l. T he n am e g re w even m ore a ccura te w it h m y p oin ty , b eak -lik e n o se w hen I w as a c hild . M oth er's s p ent m y e ntir e lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple to c all m e b y m y g iv en n am e, E ugenia .

Mrs . C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n d oes n o t lik e n ic k nam es.

By s ix te en I w asn 't ju st n o t p re tty , I w as p ain fu lly ta ll. T he k in d o f ta ll th at p uts a g ir l in th e b ack r o w of c la ss p ic tu re s w it h th e b oys. T he k in d o f ta ll w here y o ur m oth er s p end s h er n ig hts ta k in g d ow n hem s, y ank in g a t s w eate r s le eves, fla tte nin g y o ur h air fo r d ances y o u h ad n't b een a sk ed to , fin ally pre ssin g th e to p o f y o ur h ead a s if s h e c o uld s h rin k y o u b ack to th e y ears w hen s h e h ad to r e m in d yo u to s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. B y th e tim e I w as s e vente en, M oth er w ould r a th er I s u ffe re d fr o m ap ople ctic d ia rrh ea th an s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. S he w as fiv e-fo ot- fo ur a nd fir s t- ru nner- u p a s M is s S outh Caro lin a. S he d ecid ed th ere w as o nly o ne th in g to d o in a c ase lik e m in e.

Mrs . C harlo tte P hela n's G uid e to H usb and -H untin g, R ule N um ber O ne: a p re tty , p etit e g ir l s h o uld accentu ate w it h m ak eup a nd g o od p ostu re . A ta ll p la in o ne, w it h a tr u st fu nd .

I w as fiv e-fo ot- e le ven b ut I h ad tw enty -fiv e th o usa nd c o tto n d olla rs in m y n am e a nd if th e b eauty in th at w as n o t a p pare nt th en, b y G od, h e w asn 't s m art e no ugh to b e in th e fa m ily a nyw ay.

. . .

MY C HIL D HO OD B ED RO OM is th e to p flo or o f m y p are nts ' h o use . I t h as w hit e -fr o stin g c hair ra ils a nd p in k c heru b s in th e m old in g. I t's p ap ere d in m in t g re en r o se b ud s. I t is a ctu ally th e a ttic w it h lo ng, s lo pin g w alls , a nd I c anno t s ta nd s tr a ig ht in m any p la ces. T he b ox b ay w in d ow m ak es th e ro om lo ok r o und . A fte r M oth er b era te s m e a b out fin d in g a h usb and e very o th er d ay, I h ave to s le ep in a w ed din g c ak e. And y et, it is m y s a nctu ary . T he h eat s w ells a nd g ath ers lik e a h o t- a ir b allo on u p h ere , n o t e xactly welc o m in g o th ers . T he s ta ir s a re n arro w a nd d if fic ult fo r p are nts to c lim b. O ur p re vio us m aid , Consta ntin e, u se d to s ta re th o se fo rw ard -slo pin g s ta ir s d ow n e very d ay, lik e it w as a b attle b etw een th em . T hat w as th e o nly p art I d id n't lik e a b out h avin g th e to p flo or o f th e h o use , th at it s e p ara te d me fr o m m y C onsta ntin e.

Thre e d ays a fte r m y c o nvers a tio n w it h M oth er o n th e p orc h, I s p re ad o ut th e h elp -w ante d a d s fr o m th e Ja ck so n J o urn al o n m y d esk . A ll m orn in g, M oth er's b een fo llo w in g m e a ro und w it h a n ew h air - str a ig hte nin g th in g w hile D ad dy's b een o n th e fr o nt p orc h g ro w lin g a nd g o ddam nin g th e c o tto n fie ld s because th ey'r e m elt in g lik e s u m mer s n o w . B esid es b oll w eevils , r a in is ju st a b out th e w ors t th in g th at c an h ap pen a t h arv est tim e. I t's h ard ly S ep te m ber b ut th e fa ll d re nches h ave a lr e ad y b egun.

My r e d p en in h and , I s c an th e s q uat, s in gle c o lu m n u nd er H ELP W AN TED : F EM ALE.

Ken nin gto n's D ep t. S tr. s e ek s s a le sg ir ls w /p ois e , m anners & a s m ile !

Trim , y o ung s e cre ta ry w ante d . T yp in g n ot n ec. C all M r. S anders.

J e su s, if h e d oesn 't w ant h er to ty p e, w hat d oes h e w ant h er to d o?

Jr. S te n ogra pher w ante d , P erc y & G ra y, L P, $ 1.2 5/h r.

T his is n ew . I d ra w a c ir c le a ro und it .

No o ne c o uld a rg ue th at I h ad n't w ork ed h ard a t O le M is s. W hile m y fr ie nd s w ere o ut d rin k in g r u m and C okes a t P hi D elt a T heta p artie s a nd p in nin g o n m um c o rs a ges, I s a t in th e s tu d y p arlo r a nd wro te fo r h o urs --m ostly te rm p ap ers b ut a ls o s h o rt s to rie s, b ad p oetr y , e p is o des o f Dr. K ild are , P all Mall jin gle s, le tte rs o f c o m pla in t, r a nso m n o te s, lo ve le tte rs to b oys I 'd s e en in c la ss b ut h ad n't h ad th e n erv e to s p eak to , a ll o f w hic h I n ever m aile d . S ure , I d re am ed o f h avin g fo otb all d ate s, b ut m y re al d re am w as th at o ne d ay I w ould w rit e s o m eth in g th at p eo ple w ould a ctu ally r e ad .

Fourth te rm o f m y s e nio r y ear, I o nly a p plie d to o ne jo b, b ut it w as a g o od o ne, b ein g s ix h und re d mile s a w ay fr o m M is sis sip pi. P ilin g tw enty -tw o d im es in th e O xfo rd M art p ay p ho ne, I 'd in q uir e d ab out a n e d it o r p osit io n a t th e H arp er & R ow p ub lis h in g h o use o n 3 3rd S tr e et in M anhatta n. I 'd se en th e a d in The N ew Y o rk T im es d ow n a t th e O le M is s lib ra ry a nd m aile d th em m y r e su m e th at very d ay. O n a s p rig o f h o pe, I e ven c alle d a b out a n a p artm ent lis tin g o n E ast 8 5th S tr e et, a o ne- bed ro om w it h h o t p la te fo r fo rty -fiv e d olla rs a m onth . D elt a A ir lin es to ld m e a o ne-w ay tic k et to Id le w ild A ir p ort w ould c o st s e venty -th re e d olla rs . I d id n't h ave th e s e nse to a p ply fo r m ore th an o ne jo b a t a tim e a nd I n ever e ven h eard b ack fr o m th em .

My e yes d rif t d ow n to H ELP W AN TED : M ALE. T here a re a t le ast fo ur c o lu m ns fille d w it h b ank managers , a cco unta nts , lo an o ffic ers , c o tto n c o lla te o pera to rs . O n th is s id e o f th e p age, P erc y & Gra y, L P, is o ffe rin g J r. S te no gra p hers fif ty c ents m ore a n h o ur.

"M is s S K EETER , y o u g o t a p ho ne c all, " I h ear P asc ago ula h o lle r a t th e b otto m o f th e s ta ir s . I g o d ow nsta ir s to th e o nly p ho ne in th e h o use . P asc ago ula h o ld s th e p ho ne o ut to m e. S he is a s tin y as a c hild , n o t e ven fiv e fe et ta ll, a nd b la ck a s n ig ht. H er h air is c urly a ro und h er h ead a nd h er w hit e unif o rm d re ss h as b een ta ilo re d to fit h er s h o rt a rm s a nd le gs.

"M is s H illy o n th e p ho ne fo r y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd h and s it to m e w it h a w et h and .

I s it a t th e w hit e ir o n ta b le . T he k it c hen is la rg e a nd s q uare a nd h o t. B la ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um tile s are c ra ck ed in p la ces, w orn th in in fr o nt o f th e s in k . T he n ew s ilv er d is h w ash in g m achin e s it s in th e mid dle o f th e r o om , a tta ched to a h o se s tr e tc hed fr o m th e fa ucet.

"H e's c o m in g n ext w eek end ," H illy s a ys. " O n S atu rd ay n ig ht. Y ou fr e e?" "G ee, le t m e c heck m y c ale nd ar," I s a y. A ll tr a ces o f o ur b rid ge-c lu b a rg um ent a re g o ne fr o m H illy 's vo ic e. I 'm s u sp ic io us b ut r e lie ved .

"I c an't b elie ve th is is fin ally g o in g to h ap pen," H illy s a ys, b ecause s h e's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p fo r month s w it h h er h usb and 's c o usin . S he's in te nt o n it e ven th o ugh h e's m uch to o g o od-lo okin g fo r m e, no t to m entio n a s ta te s e nato r's s o n.

"D on't y o u th in k w e s h o uld ... m eet fir s t? " I a sk . " I m ean, b efo re w e g o o ut o n a n a ctu al d ate ?" "D on't b e n erv o us. W illia m a nd I w ill b e r ig ht n ext to y o u th e w ho le tim e." I s ig h. T he d ate 's b een c ancele d tw ic e a lr e ad y. I c an o nly h o pe it 'll b e p ut o ff a gain . A nd y et I 'm fla tte re d th at H illy h as s o m uch fa it h th at s o m eo ne lik e h im w ould b e in te re ste d in s o m eo ne lik e m e.

"O h, a nd I n eed y o u to c o m e o n b y a nd p ic k u p th ese n o te s," H illy s a ys. " I w ant m y in it ia tiv e in th e next n ew sle tte r, a fu ll p age n ext to th e p ho to o ps." I p ause . " T he b ath ro om th in g?" E ven th o ugh it w as o nly a fe w d ays a go th at s h e'd b ro ught th is u p a t brid ge c lu b , I 'd h o ped it w as fo rg o tte n.

"It's c alle d th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e-- Willia m J u nio r y o u g et d ow n o r I w ill s n atc h y o u bald hea ded Y u le M ay g et in h ere --a nd I w ant it in th is w eek ." I a m e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. B ut H illy is p re sid ent. A nd s h e's tr y in g to te ll m e w hat to p rin t.

"I'll s e e. I d on't k no w if th ere 's r o om ," I lie .

Fro m th e s in k , P asc ago ula s n eak s a lo ok a t m e, a s if s h e c an h ear w hat H illy 's s a yin g. I lo ok o ver a t Consta ntin e's b ath ro om , n o w P asc ago ula 's . I t's o ff th e k it c hen. T he d oor's h alf o pen a nd I c an s e e a tin y r o om w it h a to ile t, a p ull s tr in g flu sh er a t th e to p, a b ulb w it h a y ello w in g p la stic s h ad e. T he s m all co rn er s in k h ard ly h o ld s a g la ss o f w ate r. I 'v e n ever o nce b een in sid e. W hen w e w ere k id s, M oth er to ld u s s h e'd s p ank u s if w e w ent in C onsta ntin e's b ath ro om . I m is s C onsta ntin e m ore th an a nyth in g I'v e e ver m is se d in m y lif e .

"T hen m ak e r o om ," H illy s a ys, " b ecause th is is p re tty d arn im porta nt." CO NSTA N TIN E L IV ED A BO UT a M IL E fr o m o ur h o use , in a s m all N egro n eig hb orh o od c alle d Hots ta ck , n am ed a fte r th e ta r p la nt th at u se d to o pera te b ack th ere . T he r o ad to H ots ta ck r u ns alo ng th e n o rth s id e o f o ur fa rm , a nd fo r a s lo ng a s I c an r e m em ber, c o lo re d k id s h ave w alk ed a nd pla yed a lo ng th at m ile s tr e tc h, k ic k in g a t th e r e d d ust, m ak in g th eir w ay to w ard th e b ig C ounty R oad 49 to c atc h a r id e.

I u se d to w alk th at h o t m ile m yse lf , w hen I w as a g ir l. I f I b egged a nd p ra ctic ed m y c ate chis m , Moth er w ould s o m etim es le t m e g o h o m e w it h C onsta ntin e o n F rid ay a fte rn o ons. A fte r tw enty min ute s o f w alk in g s lo w , w e'd p ass th e c o lo re d fiv e-a nd -d im e s to re , th en a g ro cer w it h h ens la yin g in b ack , a nd a ll a lo ng th e w ay, d oze ns o f s h ack y-lo okin g r o ad sid e h o use s w it h tin r o ofs a nd s la ntin g porc hes, a lo ng w it h a y ello w o ne th at e very b ody s a id s o ld w his k ey fr o m th e b ack d oor. I t w as a th rill to b e in s u ch a d if fe re nt w orld a nd I 'd fe el a p ric k ly a w are ness o f h o w g o od m y s h o es w ere , ho w c le an m y w hit e p in afo re d re ss th at C onsta ntin e h ad ir o ned fo r m e. T he c lo se r w e g o t to Consta ntin e's h o use , th e m ore s h e'd s m ile .

"H i- d o, C arl B ir d ," C onsta ntin e'd h o lle r a t th e r o ot- se llin g m an s it tin g in h is r o ck in g c hair o n th e back o f h is p ic k up . B ags o f s a ssa fr a s a nd lic o ric e r o ot a nd b ir d eye v in e s a t o pen fo r b arg ain in g, a nd by th e tim e w e p oked a ro und th o se a m in ute , C onsta ntin e's w ho le b ody'd b e r a m blin g a nd lo ose in th e jo in ts . C onsta ntin e w asn 't ju st ta ll, s h e w as s to ut. S he w as a ls o w id e in th e h ip s a nd h er k nees gave h er tr o ub le a ll th e tim e. A t th e s tu m p o n h er c o rn er, s h e w ould s tic k a p in ch o f H ap py D ays sn uff in h er lip a nd s p it ju ic e s tr a ig ht a s a n a rro w . S he'd le t m e lo ok a t th e b la ck p ow der in it s r o und tin , b ut s a y, " D on't te ll y o ur m am a, n o w ." There w ere a lw ays d ogs, h o llo w -sto m ached a nd m angy, la id o ut in th e r o ad . F ro m a p orc h a y o ung co lo re d w om an n am ed C at- B it e w ould h o lle r, " M is s S keete r! T ell y o ur d ad dy h ey fo r m e. T ell h im I's d oin g fin e." M y o w n d ad dy g ave h er th at n am e y ears a go . D ro ve b y a nd s a w a r a b id c at atta ck in g a lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. " T hat c at n ear a b out a te h er u p ," D ad dy'd to ld m e a fte rw ard . H e'd kille d th e c at, c arrie d th e g ir l to th e d octo r, a nd s e t h er u p fo r th e tw enty -o ne d ays o f r a b ie s s h o ts .

A lit tle fa rth er o n, w e'd g et to C onsta ntin e's h o use . I t h ad th re e r o om s a nd n o r u gs a nd I 'd lo ok a t th e s in gle p ho to gra p h s h e h ad , o f a w hit e g ir l s h e to ld m e s h e lo oked a fte r fo r tw enty y ears o ver in Port G ib so n. I w as p re tty s u re I k new e very th in g a b out C onsta ntin e--sh e h ad o ne s is te r a nd g re w up o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm in C orin th , M is sis sip pi. B oth h er p are nts w ere d ead . S he d id n't e at p ork as a r u le a nd w ore a s iz e s ix te en d re ss a nd a s iz e te n la d ie s' s h o e. B ut I u se d to s ta re a t th e to oth y sm ile o f th at c hild in th e p ic tu re , a lit tle je alo us, w ond erin g w hy s h e d id n't h ave a p ic tu re o f m e u p to o.

Som etim es tw o g ir ls fr o m n ext d oor w ould c o m e o ver to p la y w it h m e, n am ed M ary N ell a nd M ary Roan. T hey w ere s o b la ck I c o uld n't te ll th em a p art a nd c alle d th em b oth ju st M ary .

"B e n ic e to th e lit tle c o lo re d g ir ls w hen y o u'r e d ow n th ere ," M oth er s a id to m e o ne tim e a nd I re m em ber lo okin g a t h er fu nny, s a yin g, " W hy w ould n't I b e?" B ut M oth er n ever e xp la in ed . Afte r a n h o ur o r s o , D ad dy w ould p ull u p , g et o ut, h and C onsta ntin e a d olla r. N ot o nce d id Consta ntin e in vit e h im in sid e. E ven b ack th en, I u nd ers to od w e w ere o n C onsta ntin e's tu rf a nd s h e did n't h ave to b e n ic e to a nyb ody a t h er o w n h o use . A fte rw ard , D ad dy w ould le t m e g o in th e co lo re d s to re fo r a c o ld d rin k a nd s u ck in g c and y.

"D on't te ll y o ur m am a I g ave C onsta ntin e a lit tle e xtr a , n o w ." "O kay, D ad dy," I 'd s a y. T hat's a b out th e o nly s e cre t m y d ad dy a nd I h ave e ver s h are d .

TH E F IR ST T IM E I w as e ver c alle d u gly , I w as th ir te en. I t w as a r ic h fr ie nd o f m y b ro th er Carlt o n's , o ver to s h o ot g uns in th e fie ld .

"W hy y o u c ry in g, g ir l? " C onsta ntin e a sk ed m e in th e k it c hen.

I to ld h er w hat th e b oy h ad c alle d m e, te ars s tr e am in g d ow n m y fa ce.

"W ell? I s y o u?" I b lin k ed , p ause d m y c ry in g. " Is I w hat? " "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , E ugenia "- -b ecause C onsta ntin e w as th e o nly o ne w ho 'd o ccasio nally fo llo w Mam a's r u le . " U gly liv e u p o n th e in sid e. U gly b e a h urtfu l, m ean p ers o n. I s y o u o ne a th em peo ple s? " "I d on't k no w . I d on't th in k s o ," I s o bbed .

Consta ntin e s a t d ow n n ext to m e, a t th e k it c hen ta b le . I h eard th e c ra ck in g o f h er s w olle n jo in ts . S he pre sse d h er th um b h ard in th e p alm o f m y h and , s o m eth in g w e b oth k new m eant Lis te n . L is te n t o me.

"E ver m orn in g, u ntil y o u d ead in th e g ro und , y o u g o ne h ave to m ak e th is d ecis io n." C onsta ntin e w as so c lo se , I c o uld s e e th e b la ck ness o f h er g um s. " Y ou g o ne h ave to a sk y o urs e lf , Am I g one b elie v e what t h em f o ols s a y a bout m e t o day?

" She k ep t h er th um b p re sse d h ard in m y h and . I n o dded th at I u nd ers to od. I w as ju st s m art e no ugh to r e aliz e s h e m eant w hit e p eo ple . A nd e ven th o ugh I s till fe lt m is e ra b le , a nd k new th at I w as, m ost lik ely , u gly , it w as th e fir s t tim e s h e e ver ta lk ed to m e lik e I w as s o m eth in g b esid es m y m oth er's w hit e child . A ll m y lif e I 'd b een to ld w hat to b elie ve a b out p olit ic s, c o lo re d s, b ein g a g ir l. B ut w it h Consta ntin e's th um b p re sse d in m y h and , I r e aliz e d I a ctu ally h ad a c ho ic e in w hat I c o uld b elie ve.

CO NSTA N TIN E C AM E T O W ORK in o ur h o use a t s ix in th e m orn in g, a nd a t h arv est tim e, s h e cam e a t fiv e. T hat w ay s h e c o uld fix D ad dy h is b is c uit s a nd g ra vy b efo re h e h ead ed to th e fie ld . I woke u p n early e very d ay to h er s ta nd in g in th e k it c hen, P re acher G re en p la yin g o n th e r a d io th at sa t o n th e k it c hen ta b le . T he m in ute s h e s a w m e, s h e s m ile d . " G ood m orn in g, b eautif u l g ir l! " I 'd s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le a nd te ll h er w hat I 'd d re am ed . S he c la im ed d re am s to ld th e fu tu re .

"I w as in th e a ttic , lo okin g d ow n a t th e fa rm ," I 'd te ll h er. " I c o uld s e e th e to ps o f th e tr e es." "Y ou g o ne b e a b ra in s u rg eo n! T op a th e h o use m ean th e h ead ." Moth er a te h er b re ak fa st e arly in th e d in in g r o om , th en m oved to th e r e la xin g r o om to d o need le p oin t o r w rit e le tte rs to m is sio narie s in A fr ic a. F ro m h er g re en w in g c hair , s h e c o uld s e e every o ne g o in g a lm ost a nyw here in th e h o use . I t w as s h o ck in g w hat s h e c o uld p ro cess a b out m y ap peara nce in th e s p lit s e co nd it to ok fo r m e to p ass b y th at d oor. I u se d to d ash b y, fe elin g lik e a dartb oard , a b ig r e d b ull's -e ye th at M oth er p in ged d arts a t.

"E ugenia , y o u k no w th ere is n o c hew in g g um in th is h o use ." "E ugenia , g o p ut a lc o ho l o n th at b le m is h ." "E ugenia , m arc h u p sta ir s a nd b ru sh y o ur h air d ow n, w hat if w e h ave a n u nexp ecte d v is it o r? " I le arn ed th at s o ck s a re s te alt h ie r tr a nsp orta tio n th an s h o es. I le arn ed to u se th e b ack d oor. I le arn ed to w ear h ats , c o ver m y fa ce w it h m y h and s w hen I p asse d b y. B ut m ostly , I le arn ed to ju st s ta y in th e k it c hen.

A S U M MER M ONTH C O ULD S TR EC H o n fo r y ears , o ut o n L ongle af. I d id n't h ave fr ie nd s co m in g o ver e very d ay--w e liv ed to o fa r o ut to h ave a ny w hit e n eig hb ors . I n to w n, H illy a nd Eliz a b eth s p ent a ll w eek end g o in g to a nd fr o m e ach o th er's h o use s, w hile I w as o nly a llo w ed to sp end th e n ig ht o ut o r h ave c o m pany e very o th er w eek end . I g ru m ble d o ver th is p le nty . I to ok Consta ntin e fo r g ra nte d a t tim es, b ut I th in k I k new , fo r th e m ost p art, h o w lu ck y I w as to h ave h er th ere .

When I w as fo urte en, I s ta rte d s m okin g c ig are tte s. I 'd s n eak th em fr o m C arlt o n's p ack s o f Marlb oro s h e k ep t in h is d re sse r d ra w er. H e w as a lm ost e ig hte en a nd n o o ne m in d ed th at h e'd b een sm okin g fo r y ears a nyw here h e w ante d to in th e h o use o r o ut in th e fie ld s w it h D ad dy. S om etim es Dad dy s m oked a p ip e, b ut h e w asn 't a c ig are tte m an a nd M oth er d id n't s m oke a nyth in g a t a ll, e ven th o ugh m ost o f h er fr ie nd s d id . M oth er to ld m e I w asn 't a llo w ed to s m oke u ntil I w as s e vente en.

So I 'd s lip in to th e b ack yard a nd s it in th e tir e s w in g, w it h th e h uge o ld o ak tr e e c o ncealin g m e. O r, la te a t n ig ht, I 'd h ang o ut o f m y b ed ro om w in d ow a nd s m oke. M oth er h ad e agle -e yes, b ut s h e h ad alm ost z e ro s e nse o f s m ell. C onsta ntin e k new im med ia te ly , th o ugh. S he n arro w ed h er e yes, w it h a lit tle s m ile , b ut s a id n o th in g. I f M oth er h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h w hile I w as b ehin d th e tr e e, Consta ntin e w ould r u sh o ut a nd b ang h er b ro om h and le o n th e ir o n s ta ir r a il.

"C onsta ntin e, w hat a re y o u d oin g?" M oth er w ould a sk h er, b ut b y th en I w ould 'v e s tu b bed it o ut a nd dro pped th e b utt in th e h o le in th e tr e e.

"J u st c le anin g th is h ere o ld b ro om , M is s C harlo tte ." "W ell, fin d a w ay to d o it a lit tle q uie te r, p le ase . O h, E ugenia , w hat, d id y o u g ro w a no th er in ch overn ig ht? W hat a m I g o in g to d o? G o... p ut o n a d re ss th at fit s ." "Y es m a'a m ," C onsta ntin e a nd I w ould s a y a t th e s a m e tim e a nd th en p ass e ach o th er a lit tle s m ile .

Oh, it w as d elic io us to h ave s o m eo ne to k eep s e cre ts w it h . I f I 'd h ad a s is te r o r a b ro th er c lo se r in age, I g uesse d th at's w hat it w ould b e lik e. B ut it w asn 't ju st s m okin g o r s k ir tin g a ro und M oth er. I t was h avin g s o m eo ne lo ok a t y o u a fte r y o ur m oth er h as n early fr e tte d h ers e lf to d eath b ecause y o u are fr e ak is h ly ta ll a nd fr iz zy a nd o dd. S om eo ne w ho se e yes s im ply s a id , w it h o ut w ord s, Yo u a re f in e wit h m e.

Still, it w asn 't a ll s w eet ta lk w it h h er. W hen I w as fif te en, a n ew g ir l h ad p oin te d a t m e a nd a sk ed , "W ho 's th e s to rk ?" E ven H illy h ad tu ck ed b ack a s m ile b efo re s te erin g m e a w ay, lik e w e h ad n't heard h er.

"H ow ta ll a re y o u, C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed , u nab le to h id e m y te ars .

Consta ntin e n arro w ed h er e yes a t m e. " H ow ta ll is y o u?" "F iv e-e le ven," I c rie d . " I'm a lr e ad y ta lle r th an th e b oys' b ask etb all c o ach." "W ell, I 'm fiv e-th ir te en, s o q uit fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Consta ntin e's th e o nly w om an I 'v e e ver h ad to lo ok u p to , to lo ok h er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye.

What y o u n o tic ed fir s t a b out C onsta ntin e, b esid es h er ta lln ess, w ere h er e yes. T hey w ere lig ht bro w n, s tr ik in gly h o ney-c o lo re d a gain st h er d ark s k in . I 'v e n ever s e en lig ht b ro w n e yes o n a c o lo re d pers o n. I n fa ct, th e s h ad es o f b ro w n o n C onsta ntin e w ere e nd le ss. H er e lb ow s w ere a b so lu te ly bla ck , w it h a d ry w hit e d ust o n th em in th e w in te r. T he s k in o n h er a rm s a nd n eck a nd fa ce w as a dark e b ony. T he p alm s o f h er h and s w ere o ra ngey-ta n a nd th at m ad e m e w ond er if th e s o le s o f h er fe et w ere to o, b ut I n ever s a w h er b are fo ote d .

"J u st y o u a nd m e th is w eek end ," s h e s a id w it h a s m ile .

It w as th e w eek end th at M oth er a nd D ad dy w ere d riv in g C arlt o n to lo ok a t L SU a nd T ula ne. M y bro th er w as g o in g to c o lle ge n ext y ear. T hat m orn in g, D ad dy h ad m oved th e c o t in to th e k it c hen, next to h er b ath ro om . T hat's w here C onsta ntin e a lw ays s le p t w hen s h e s p ent th e n ig ht.

"G o lo ok w hat I g o t," s h e s a id , p oin tin g to th e b ro om c lo se t. I w ent a nd o pened it a nd s a w , tu ck ed in h er b ag, a fiv e-h und re d -p ie ce p uzzle w it h a p ic tu re o f M ount R ush m ore o n it . I t w as o ur fa vo rit e th in g to d o w hen s h e s ta yed o ver. That n ig ht, w e s a t fo r h o urs , m unchin g o n p eanuts , s if tin g th ro ugh th e p ie ces s p re ad o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le . A s to rm r a ged o uts id e, m ak in g th e r o om c o zy w hile w e p ic k ed o ut th e e d ges. T he bulb in th e k it c hen d im med th en b rig hte ned a gain .

"W hic h o ne h e?" C onsta ntin e a sk ed , s tu d yin g th e p uzzle b ox th ro ugh h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s.

"T hat's J e ffe rs o n." "O h it s u re is . W hat a b out h im ?" "T hat's --" I le aned o ver. " I th in k th at's . . . R oose velt ." "O nly o ne I r e co gniz e is L in co ln . H e lo ok lik e m y d ad dy." I s to pped , p uzzle p ie ce in h and . I w as fo urte en a nd h ad n ever m ad e le ss th an a n A . I w as s m art, b ut I w as a s n aiv e a s th ey c o m e. C onsta ntin e p ut th e b ox to p d ow n a nd lo oked o ver th e p ie ces a gain .

"B ecause y o ur d ad dy w as s o . . . ta ll? " I a sk ed .

She c huck le d . " C ause m y d ad dy w as w hit e . I g o t th e ta ll fr o m m y m am a." I p ut th e p ie ce d ow n. " Y our . . . fa th er w as w hit e a nd y o ur m oth er w as . . . c o lo re d ?" "Y up ," s h e s a id a nd s m ile d , s n ap pin g tw o p ie ces to geth er. " W ell, lo ok a th ere . G ot m e a m atc h." I h ad s o m any q uestio ns-- Who w as h e?

Where w as h e? I k new h e w asn 't m arrie d to C onsta ntin e's moth er, b ecause th at w as a gain st th e la w . I p ic k ed a c ig are tte fr o m m y s ta sh I 'd b ro ught to th e ta b le .

I w as fo urte en b ut, fe elin g v ery g ro w n u p , I lit it . A s I d id , th e o verh ead lig ht d im med to a d ull, d ir ty bro w n, b uzzin g s o ftly .

"O h, m y d ad dy lo oooved m e. A lw ays s a id I w as h is fa vo rit e ." S he le aned b ack in h er c hair . " H e use d to c o m e o ver to th e h o use e ver S atu rd ay a fte rn o on, a nd o ne tim e, h e g iv e m e a s e t a te n h air rib bons, te n d if fe re nt c o lo rs . B ro ught e m o ver fr o m P aris , m ad e o ut a J a p anese s ilk . I s a t in h is la p fr o m th e m in ute h e g o t th ere u ntil h e h ad to le ave a nd M am a'd p la y B essie S m it h o n th e V ic tr o la h e bru ng h er a nd h e a nd m e'd s in g:

It's m ig hty s tr a nge, w it h out a d oubt Nobody k now s y o u w hen y o u'r e d ow n a nd o ut I lis te ned w id e-e yed , s tu p id . G lo w in g b y h er v o ic e in th e d im lig ht. I f c ho co la te w as a s o und , it would 'v e b een C onsta ntin e's v o ic e s in gin g. I f s in gin g w as a c o lo r, it w ould 'v e b een th e c o lo r o f th at cho co la te .

"O ne tim e I w as b oo-h o oin g o ver h ard fe elin gs, I r e ck on I h ad a lis t a th in gs to b e u p se t a b out, bein g p oor, c o ld b ath s, r o tte n to oth , I d on't k no w . B ut h e h eld m e b y th e h ead , h ugged m e to h im fo r th e lo ngest tim e. W hen I lo oked u p , h e w as c ry in g to o a nd h e . . . d id th at th in g I d o to y o u s o yo u k no w I m ean it . P re ss h is th um b u p in m y h and a nd h e s a y . . . h e s o rry ." We s a t th ere , s ta rin g a t th e p uzzle p ie ces. M oth er w ould n't w ant m e to k no w th is , th at C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e , th at h e'd a p olo giz e d to h er fo r th e w ay th in gs w ere . I t w as s o m eth in g I w asn 't su p pose d to k no w . I fe lt lik e C onsta ntin e h ad g iv en m e a g if t.

I fin is h ed m y c ig are tte , s tu b bed it o ut in th e s ilv er g uest a sh tr a y. T he lig ht b rig hte ned a gain .

Consta ntin e s m ile d a t m e a nd I s m ile d b ack .

"H ow c o m e y o u n ever to ld m e th is b efo re ?" I s a id , lo okin g in to h er lig ht b ro w n e yes.

"I c an't te ll y o u e ver s in gle th in g, S keete r." "B ut w hy?" S he k new e very th in g a b out m e, e very th in g a b out m y fa m ily . W hy w ould I e ver k eep se cre ts fr o m h er?

She s ta re d a t m e a nd I s a w a d eep , b le ak s a d ness th ere , in sid e o f h er. A fte r a w hile , s h e s a id , "S om e th in gs I ju st g o t to k eep fo r m yse lf ." WHEN I T W as M Y T urn to g o o ff to c o lle ge, M oth er c rie d h er e yes o ut w hen D ad dy a nd I p ulle d aw ay in th e tr u ck . B ut I fe lt fr e e. I w as o ff th e fa rm , o ut fr o m u nd er th e c rit ic is m . I w ante d to a sk Moth er, Are n 't y o u g la d? A re n 't y o u r e lie v ed t h at y o u d on't h ave t o w orry -w art o ver m e e v ery day a nym ore ?

B ut M oth er lo oked m is e ra b le .

I w as th e h ap pie st p ers o n in m y fr e sh m an d orm . I w ro te C onsta ntin e a le tte r o nce a w eek , te llin g h er ab out m y r o om , th e c la sse s, th e s o ro rit y . I h ad to m ail h er le tte rs to th e fa rm s in ce th e p ost d id n't deliv er to H ots ta ck a nd I h ad to tr u st th at M oth er w ould n't o pen th em . T w ic e a m onth , C onsta ntin e wro te m e b ack o n p arc hm ent p ap er th at fo ld ed in to a n e nvelo pe. H er h and w rit in g w as la rg e a nd lo vely , a lt h o ugh it r a n a t a c ro oked a ngle d ow n th e p age. S he w ro te m e e very m und ane d eta il o f Longle af:

My b ack p ain s a re b ad b ut it 's m y f e et t h at a re w orse , o r The m ix er b ro ke o ff f ro m th e b ow l a nd f le w w ild a ro und t h e k it c h en a nd t h e c a t h olle re d a nd r a n o ff. I h aven 't s e en h er sin ce.

S he'd te ll m e th at D ad dy h ad a c hest c o ld o r th at R osa P ark s w as c o m in g to h er c hurc h to sp eak . O fte n s h e d em and ed to k no w if I w as h ap py a nd th e d eta ils o f th is . O ur le tte rs w ere lik e a yearlo ng c o nvers a tio n, a nsw erin g q uestio ns b ack a nd fo rth , c o ntin uin g fa ce-to -fa ce a t C hris tm as o r betw een s u m mer s c ho ol s e ssio ns.

Moth er's le tte rs s a id , Say y o ur p ra yers a nd Don't w ea r h eels b eca use t h ey m ake y o u t o o t a ll clip ped to a c heck fo r th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs .

In A pril o f m y s e nio r y ear, a le tte r c am e fr o m C onsta ntin e th at s a id , I h ave a s u rp ris e f o r y o u, Skeete r. I a m s o e x cit e d I a lm ost c a n't s ta nd m yse lf . A nd d on't y o u g o a sk in g m e a bout it neit h er. Y o u w ill s e e f o r y o urse lf w hen y o u c o m e h om e.

That w as c lo se to fin al e xam s, w it h g ra d uatio n o nly a m onth a w ay. A nd th at w as th e la st le tte r I e ver go t fr o m C onsta ntin e.

I S K IP PED M Y G RA DUATIO N C ER EM ONY a t O le M is s. A ll m y c lo se fr ie nd s h ad d ro pped o ut to g et m arrie d a nd I d id n't s e e th e p oin t in m ak in g M am a a nd D ad dy d riv e th re e h o urs ju st to w atc h me w alk a cro ss a s ta ge, w hen w hat M oth er r e ally w ante d w as to w atc h m e w alk d ow n th e a is le . I still h ad n't h eard fr o m H arp er & R ow , s o in ste ad o f b uyin g a p la ne tic k et to N ew Y ork , I r o de h o m e to J a ck so n in s o pho m ore K ay T urn er's B uic k , s q ueeze d in th e fr o nt w it h m y ty p ew rit e r a t m y fe et and h er w ed din g d re ss b etw een u s. K ay T urn er w as m arry in g P erc y S ta nho pe n ext m onth . F or th re e h o urs I lis te ned to h er w orry a b out c ak e fla vo rs .

When I g o t h o m e, M oth er s te p ped b ack to g et a b ette r lo ok a t m e. " W ell, y o ur s k in lo oks b eautif u l, " sh e s a id , " b ut y o ur h air . . ." S he s ig hed , s h o ok h er h ead .

"W here 's C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed . " In th e k it c hen?" And lik e s h e w as d eliv erin g th e w eath er, M oth er s a id , " C onsta ntin e is n o lo nger e m plo yed h ere .

Now le t's g et a ll th ese tr u nk s u np ack ed b efo re y o u r u in y o ur c lo th es." I tu rn ed a nd b lin k ed a t h er. I d id n't th in k I 'd h eard h er c o rre ctly . " W hat d id y o u s a y?" Moth er s to od s tr a ig hte r, s m ooth in g d ow n h er d re ss. " C onsta ntin e's g o ne, S keete r. S he w ent to liv e wit h h er p eo ple u p in C hic ago ." "B ut . . . w hat? S he d id n't s a y a nyth in g in h er le tte rs a b out C hic ago ." I k new th at w asn 't h er s u rp ris e .

She w ould 'v e to ld m e s u ch te rrib le n ew s im med ia te ly .

Moth er to ok a d eep b re ath , s tr a ig hte ned h er b ack . " I to ld C onsta ntin e s h e w asn 't to w rit e to y o u ab out le avin g. N ot in th e m id dle o f y o ur fin al e xam s. W hat if y o u'd flu nk ed a nd h ad to s ta y o n ano th er y ear? G od k no w s, fo ur y ears o f c o lle ge is m ore th an e no ugh." "A nd s h e . . . a gre ed to th at? N ot to w rit e m e a nd te ll m e s h e w as le avin g?" Moth er lo oked o ff, s ig hed . " W e'll d is c uss it la te r, E ugenia . C om e o n to th e k it c hen, le t m e in tr o duce yo u to th e n ew m aid , P asc ago ula ." But I d id n't fo llo w M oth er to th e k it c hen. I s ta re d d ow n a t m y c o lle ge tr u nk s, te rrif ie d b y th e th o ught of u np ack in g h ere . T he h o use fe lt v ast, e m pty . O uts id e, a c o m bin e w hir re d in a c o tto n fie ld .

By S ep te m ber, n o t o nly h ad I g iv en u p h o pe o f e ver h earin g b ack fr o m H arp er & R ow , I g ave u p o n ever fin d in g C onsta ntin e. N o o ne s e em ed to k no w a th in g o r h o w I c o uld r e ach h er. I fin ally s to pped ask in g p eo ple w hy C onsta ntin e h ad le ft. I t w as lik e s h e'd s im ply d is a p peare d . I h ad to a ccep t th at Consta ntin e, m y o ne tr u e a lly , h ad le ft m e to fe nd fo r m yse lf w it h th ese p eo ple .

ch ap te r 6 O N A H O T S EPTEM BER M ORN IN G, I w ak e u p in m y c hild ho od b ed , s lip o n th e h uara che s h o es m y b ro th er, C arlt o n, b ro ught m e b ack fr o m M exic o . A m an's p air s in ce, e vid ently , M exic an g ir ls ' fe et d on't g ro w to s iz e n in e-a nd -a -h alf . M oth er h ate s th em a nd s a ys th ey'r e tr a sh y-lo okin g.

O ver m y n ig htg o w n, I p ut o n o ne o f D ad dy's o ld b utto n-d ow n s h ir ts a nd s lip o ut th e fr o nt d oor.

M oth er is o n th e b ack p orc h w it h P asc ago ula a nd J a m eso w hile th ey s h uck o yste rs .

" Y ou c anno t le ave a N egro a nd a N ig ra to geth er u nchap ero ned ," M oth er'd w his p ere d to m e, a lo ng t im e a go . " It's n o t th eir fa ult , th ey ju st c an't h elp it ." I h ead d ow n th e s te p s to s e e if m y m ail- o rd er c o py o f Catc h er in t h e R ye is in th e b ox. I a lw ays o rd er th e b anned b ooks fr o m a b la ck m ark et d eale r in C alif o rn ia , fig urin g if th e S ta te o f M is sis sip pi b anned th em , th ey m ust b e g o od. B y th e tim e I r e ach th e e nd o f th e d riv e, m y h uara ches a nd a nk le s a re c o vere d w it h fin e y ello w d ust.

O n e it h er s id e o f m e, th e c o tto n fie ld s a re a g la rin g g re en, fa t w it h b olls . D ad dy lo st th e b ack fie ld s t o th e r a in la st m onth , b ut th e m ajo rit y b lo om ed u nharm ed . T he le aves a re ju st s ta rtin g to s p ot b ro w n w it h d efo lia nt a nd I c an s till s m ell th e s o ur c hem ic al in th e a ir . T here a re n o c ars o n th e C ounty R oad . I o pen th e m ailb ox.

A nd th ere , u nd ern eath M oth er's Ladie s' H om e J o urn al , is a le tte r a d dre sse d to M is s E ugenia P hela n. T he r e d r a is e d fo nt in th e c o rn er s a ys H arp er & R ow , P ub lis h ers . I te ar it o pen r ig ht th ere in t h e la ne, in n o th in g b ut m y lo ng n ig htg o w n a nd D ad dy's o ld B ro oks B ro th ers s h ir t.

S ep te m ber 4 , 1 962 D ea r M is s P hela n, I a m r e sp ondin g p erso nally t o y o ur r e su m e b eca use I f o und it a dm ir a ble t h at a y o ung la dy w it h a bso lu te ly n o w ork e x perie n ce w ould a pply f o r a n e d it in g j o b a t a p ublis h er a s p re stig io us a s o urs. A m in im um o f f iv e y ea rs in t h e b usin ess is m andato ry f o r s u ch a j o b.

Y o u'd k now t h is if y o u'd d one a ny a m ount o f r e se a rc h o n t h e b usin ess.

H avin g o nce b een a n a m bit io us y o ung la dy m yse lf , h ow ev er, I 'v e d ecid ed t o o ffe r y o u s o m e a dvic e: g o t o y o ur lo ca l n ew sp aper a nd g et a n e n tr y -le v el j o b. Y o u in clu ded in y o ur le tte r t h at y o u " im men se ly e n jo y w rit in g." W hen y o u'r e n ot m akin g m im eo gra phs o r f ix in g y o ur b oss's c o ffe e, lo ok a ro und, in vestig ate , a nd w rit e . D on't w aste y o ur t im e o n t h e o bvio us t h in gs. W rit e a bout w hat d is tu rb s y o u, p artic u la rly if it b oth ers n o o ne e ls e .

Y o urs s in cere ly , E la in e S te in , S en io r E dit o r, A dult B ook D iv is io n Belo w th e p ic a ty p e is a h and w rit te n n o te , in a c ho ppy b lu e s c ra w l:

P.S . I f y o u a re t r u ly s e rio us, I 'd b e w illin g t o lo ok o ver y o ur b est id ea s a nd g iv e m y o pin io n. I offe r t h is f o r n o b ette r r e a so n, M is s P hela n, t h an s o m eo ne o nce d id it f o r m e.

A tr u ck fu ll o f c o tto n r u m ble s b y o n th e C ounty R oad . T he N egro in th e p asse nger s id e le ans o ut and s ta re s. I 'v e fo rg o tte n I a m a w hit e g ir l in a th in n ig htg o w n. I h ave ju st r e ceiv ed c o rre sp ond ence, mayb e e ven e nco ura gem ent, fr o m N ew Y ork C it y a nd I s a y th e n am e a lo ud : " E la in e S te in ." I 'v e never m et a J e w is h p ers o n.

I r a ce b ack u p th e la ne, tr y in g to k eep th e le tte r fr o m fla p pin g in m y h and . I d on't w ant it w rin k le d . I dash u p th e s ta ir s w it h M oth er h o lle rin g to ta k e o ff th o se ta ck y M exic an m an s h o es, a nd I g et to work w rit in g d ow n e very g o ddam n th in g th at b oth ers m e in lif e , p artic ula rly th o se th at d o n o t s e em to fa ze a nyo ne e ls e . E la in e S te in 's w ord s a re r u nnin g h o t s ilv er th ro ugh m y v ein s a nd I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an. T urn s o ut, it is a s p ecta cula rly lo ng lis t.

By th e n ext d ay, I a m r e ad y to m ail m y fir s t le tte r to E la in e S te in , lis tin g th e id eas I th o ught w orth y jo urn alis m m ate ria l: th e p re vale nce o f illit e ra cy in M is sis sip pi; th e h ig h n um ber o f d ru nk -d riv in g accid ents in o ur c o unty ; th e lim it e d jo b o pportu nit ie s fo r w om en.

It's n o t u ntil a fte r I m ail th e le tte r th at I r e aliz e I p ro bab ly c ho se th o se id eas s h e w ould th in k im pre ssiv e, r a th er th an o nes I w as r e ally in te re ste d in .

I T A K E a D EEP B REATH a nd p ull o pen th e h eavy g la ss d oor. A fe m in in e lit tle b ell tin k le s h ello . A no t- so -fe m in in e r e cep tio nis t w atc hes m e. S he is e no rm ous a nd lo oks u nco m fo rta b le in th e s m all wooden c hair . " W elc o m e to th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

C an I h elp y o u?" I h ad m ad e m y a p poin tm ent d ay b efo re y este rd ay, h ard ly a n h o ur a fte r I 'd r e ceiv ed E la in e S te in 's le tte r. I a sk ed fo r a n in te rv ie w fo r a ny p osit io n th ey m ig ht h ave. I w as s u rp ris e d th ey s a id th ey'd s e e me s o s o on.

"I'm h ere to s e e M is te r G old en, p le ase ." The r e cep tio nis t w ad dle s to th e b ack in h er te nte d d re ss. I tr y a nd c alm m y s h ak in g h and s. I p eek th ro ugh th e o pen d oor to a s m all, w ood-p anele d r o om in th e b ack . I n sid e, fo ur m en in s u it s b ang aw ay o n ty p ew rit e rs a nd s c ra tc h w it h p encils . T hey a re b ent o ver, h aggard , th re e w it h ju st a ho rs e sh o e o f h air le ft. T he r o om is g auzy w it h c ig are tte s m oke.

The r e cep tio nis t r e ap pears , th um bs m e to fo llo w h er, c ig are tte d anglin g in h er h and . " C om e o n back ." D esp it e m y n erv es, a ll I c an th in k o f is th e o ld c o lle ge r u le , A C hi O m eg a n ev er w alk s w it h a c ig are tte .

I fo llo w h er th ro ugh th e d esk s o f s ta rin g m en, th e h aze o f s m oke, to a n in te rio r o ffic e.

"C lo se th at th in g b ack ," M is te r G old en h o lle rs a s s o on a s I 'v e o pened th e d oor a nd s te p ped in .

"D on't le t a ll th at d am n s m oke in h ere ." Mis te r G old en s ta nd s u p b ehin d h is d esk . H e's a b out s ix in ches s h o rte r th an m e, tr im , y o unger th an my p are nts . H e h as lo ng te eth a nd a s n eer, th e g re ase d b la ck h air o f a m ean m an.

"D id n't y o u h ear? " h e s a id . " T hey a nno unced la st w eek c ig are tte s'll k ill y o u." "I h ad n't h eard th at." I c an o nly h o pe it h ad n't b een o n th e fr o nt p age o f h is n ew sp ap er.

"H ell, I k no w n ig gers a h und re d y ears o ld lo ok y o unger th an th o se id jit s o ut th ere ." H e s it s b ack dow n, b ut I k eep s ta nd in g b ecause th ere a re n o o th er c hair s in th e r o om .

"A lr ig ht, le t's s e e w hat y o u g o t." I h and h im m y r e su m e a nd s a m ple a rtic le s I 'd w rit te n in s c ho ol. I gre w u p w it h th e Jo urn al s it tin g o n o ur k it c hen ta b le , o pen to th e fa rm r e p ort o r th e lo cal s p orts page. I r a re ly h ad tim e to r e ad it m yse lf .

Mis te r G old en d oesn 't ju st lo ok a t m y p ap ers , h e e d it s th em w it h a r e d p encil. " M urra h H ig h e d it o r th re e y ears , Reb el R ouse r e d it o r tw o y ears , C hi O mega e d it o r th re e y ears , d oub le m ajo r E nglis h and jo urn alis m , g ra d uate d n um ber fo ur...

Dam n , g ir l, " h e m utte rs , " d id n't y o u h ave any fu n?" I c le ar m y th ro at. " Is . . . th at im porta nt? " He lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'r e p eculia rly ta ll b ut I 'd th in k a p re tty g ir l lik e y o u'd b e d atin g th e w ho le go ddam n b ask etb all te am ." I s ta re a t h im , n o t s u re if h e's m ak in g fu n o f m e o r p ayin g m e a c o m plim ent.

"I a ssu m e y o u k no w h o w to c le an . . ." H e lo oks b ack to m y a rtic le s, s tr ik es th em w it h v io le nt r e d mark s.

My fa ce flu sh es h o t a nd q uic k . " C le an? I 'm n o t h ere to c le an. I 'm h ere to writ e ." Cig are tte s m oke is b le ed in g u nd er th e d oor. I t's lik e th e e ntir e p la ce is o n fir e . I fe el s o s tu p id th at I th o ught I c o uld ju st w alk in a nd g et a jo b a s a jo urn alis t.

He s ig hs h eavily , h and s m e a th ic k fo ld er o f p ap ers . " I g uess y o u'll d o. M is s M yrn a's g o ne s h it - h o use cra zy o n u s, d ru nk h air s p ra y o r s o m eth in g. R ead th e a rtic le s, w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e s h e d oes, no body'll k no w th e d am n d if fe re nce." "I . . . w hat? " A nd I ta k e th e fo ld er b ecause I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to d o. I h ave n o id ea w ho th is Mis s M yrn a is . I a sk th e o nly s a fe q uestio n I c an th in k o f. " H ow m uch . . . d id y o u s a y it p ays? " He g iv es m e a s u rp ris in gly a p pre cia tiv e lo ok, fr o m m y fla t s h o es to m y fla t h air s ty le . S om e d orm ant in stin ct te lls m e to s m ile , r u n m y h and th ro ugh m y h air . I fe el r id ic ulo us, b ut I d o it .

"E ig ht d olla rs , e very M ond ay." I n o d, tr y in g to fig ure o ut h o w to a sk h im w hat th e jo b is w it h o ut g iv in g m yse lf a w ay.

He le ans fo rw ard . " Y ou d o k no w w ho M is s M yrn a is , d on't y o u?" "O f c o urs e . W e . . . g ir ls r e ad h er a ll th e tim e," I s a y, a nd a gain w e s ta re a t e ach o th er lo ng e no ugh fo r a d is ta nt te le p ho ne to r in g th re e tim es.

"W hat th en? E ig ht's n o t e no ugh? J e su s, w om an, g o c le an y o ur h usb and 's to ile t fo r fr e e." I b it e m y lip . B ut b efo re I c an u tte r a nyth in g, h e r o lls h is e yes.

"A lr ig ht, te n .

C opy's d ue o n T hurs d ays. A nd if I d on't lik e y o ur s ty le , I 'm n o t p rin tin g it o r p ayin g yo u s q uat." I ta k e th e fo ld er, th ank h im m ore th an I p ro bab ly s h o uld . H e ig no re s m e a nd p ic k s u p h is p ho ne a nd mak es a c all b efo re I 'm e ven o ut th e d oor. W hen I g et to m y c ar, I s in k d ow n in to th e s o ft C ad illa c le ath er. I s it th ere s m ilin g, r e ad in g th e p ages in th e fo ld er.

I ju st g o t a jo b.

I C O M E H O M E S TA N DIN G u p s tr a ig hte r th an I h ave s in ce I w as tw elv e, b efo re m y g ro w th s p urt.

I a m b uzzin g w it h p rid e. E ven th o ugh e very c ell in m y b ra in s a ys d o n o t, s o m eho w I c anno t r e sis t te llin g M oth er. I r u sh in to th e r e la xin g r o om a nd te ll h er e very th in g a b out h o w I 'v e g o tte n a jo b writ in g M is s M yrn a, th e w eek ly c le anin g a d vic e c o lu m n.

"O h th e ir o ny o f it ." S he le ts o ut a s ig h th at m eans lif e is h ard ly w orth liv in g u nd er s u ch c o nd it io ns.

Pasc ago ula fr e sh ens h er ic ed te a.

"A t le ast it 's a s ta rt," I s a y.

"A s ta rt a t w hat? G iv in g a d vic e o n h o w to k eep u p a h o m e w hen . . ." S he s ig hs a gain , lo ng a nd s lo w lik e a d efla tin g tir e .

I lo ok a w ay, w ond erin g if e very o ne in to w n w ill b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. A lr e ad y th e jo y is fle etin g.

"E ugenia , y o u d on't e ven k no w h o w to p olis h s ilv er, m uch le ss a d vis e o n h o w to k eep a h o use cle an." I h ug th e fo ld er to m y c hest. S he's r ig ht, I w on't k no w h o w to a nsw er a ny o f th e q uestio ns. S till, I th o ught s h e'd a t le ast b e p ro ud o f m e.

"A nd y o u w ill n ever m eet a nyb ody s it tin g a t th at ty p ew rit e r. E ugenia , h ave s o m e s e nse ." Anger w ork s it s w ay u p m y a rm s. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht a gain . " Y ou th in k I want to liv e h ere ? W it h yo u ?" I la ugh in a w ay I 'm h o pin g w ill h urt h er.

I s e e th e q uic k p ain in h er e yes. S he p re sse s h er lip s to geth er a t th e s tin g. S till, I h ave n o d esir e to ta k e b ack m y w ord s b ecause fin ally , fin ally , I h ave s a id s o m eth in g s h e's lis te nin g to .

I s ta nd th ere , r e fu sin g to le ave. I w ant to h ear w hat s h e'll s a y to th is . I w ant to h ear h er s a y s h e's so rry .

"I n eed to . . . a sk y o u s o m eth in g, E ugenia ." S he tw is ts h er h and kerc hie f, g rim aces. " I r e ad th e o th er day a b out h o w s o m e . . . s o m e g ir ls g et u nb ala nced , s ta rt th in k in g th ese --w ell, th ese u n natu ra l th o ughts ." I h ave n o id ea w hat s h e's ta lk in g a b out. I lo ok u p a t th e c eilin g fa n. S om eo ne's s e t it g o in g to o fa st.

Cla ck ety -c la ck ety -c la ck ety . . .

"A re y o u . . . d o y o u . . . fin d m en a ttr a ctiv e? A re y o u h avin g u nnatu ra l th o ughts a b out . . ." S he sh uts h er e yes tig ht. " G ir ls o r- -o r w om en?" I s ta re a t h er, w is h in g th e c eilin g fa n w ould fly fr o m it s p ost, c ra sh d ow n o n u s b oth .

"B ecause it s a id in th is a rtic le th ere 's a c ure , a s p ecia l r o ot te a--" "M oth er," I s a y, s h uttin g m y e yes tig ht. " I w ant to b e w it h g ir ls a s m uch a s y o u'd lik e to b e w it h . . .

Ja m eso ." I h ead fo r th e d oor. B ut I g la nce b ehin d m e. " I m ean, u nle ss, o f c o urs e , y o u d o?" Moth er s tr a ig hte ns, g asp s. I p ound u p th e s ta ir s .

TH E N EX T D AY, I s ta ck th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs in a n eat p ile . I h ave th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs in m y p urs e , th e m onth ly a llo w ance M oth er s till g iv es m e. I g o d ow nsta ir s w earin g a th ic k C hris tia n s m ile . L iv in g at h o m e, w henever I w ant to le ave L ongle af, I h ave to a sk M oth er if I c an b orro w h er c ar. W hic h means s h e'll a sk w here I 'm g o in g. W hic h m eans I h ave to lie to h er o n a d aily b asis , w hic h is in it s e lf enjo yab le b ut a lit tle d egra d in g a t th e s a m e tim e.

"I'm g o in g d ow n to th e c hurc h, s e e if th ey n eed a ny h elp g ettin g r e ad y fo r S und ay s c ho ol. " "O h, d arlin g, th at's ju st w ond erfu l. T ak e y o ur tim e w it h th e c ar." I d ecid ed , la st n ig ht, w hat I n eed is a p ro fe ssio nal to h elp m e w it h th e c o lu m n. M y fir s t id ea w as to ask P asc ago ula , b ut I h ard ly k no w h er. P lu s I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M oth er n o sin g a ro und , crit ic iz in g m e a ll o ver a gain . H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay, is s o s h y I d oub t s h e'd w ant to h elp m e. T he only o th er m aid I s e e o fte n e no ugh is E liz a b eth 's m aid , A ib ile en. A ib ile en r e m in d s m e o f C onsta ntin e in a w ay. P lu s s h e's o ld er a nd s e em s to h ave p le nty o f e xp erie nce. On m y w ay to E liz a b eth 's , I g o b y th e B en F ra nk lin s to re a nd b uy a c lip board , a b ox o f n um ber tw o pencils , a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook. M y fir s t c o lu m n is d ue to m orro w , o n M is te r G old en's d esk b y tw o o'c lo ck .

"S keete r, c o m e o n in ." E liz a b eth o pens h er o w n fr o nt d oor a nd I fe ar A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e w ork in g to day. S he h as o n a b lu e b ath ro be a nd ju m bo-siz e d r o lle rs , m ak in g h er h ead lo ok h uge, h er b ody even m ore w aif - lik e th an it is . E liz a b eth g enera lly h as r o lle rs in a ll d ay, c an n ever g et h er th in h air fu ll eno ugh.

"S orry I 'm s u ch a m ess. M ae M oble y k ep t m e u p h alf th e n ig ht a nd n o w I d on't e ven k no w w here Aib ile en's g o tte n o ff to ." I s te p in sid e th e tin y fo yer. I t's a lo w -c eilin ged h o use w it h s m all r o om s. E very th in g h as a s e co nd hand lo ok--th e fa d ed b lu e flo ra l c urta in s, th e c ro oked c o ver o n th e c o uch. I h ear R ale ig h's n ew acco untin g b usin ess is n 't d oin g w ell. M ayb e u p in N ew Y ork o r s o m ew here it 's a g o od th in g, b ut in Ja ck so n, M is sis sip pi, p eo ple ju st d on't c are to d o b usin ess w it h a r u d e, c o nd esc end in g a ssh o le .

Hilly 's c ar is o ut fr o nt, b ut s h e's n o w here to b e s e en. E liz a b eth s it s a t th e s e w in g m achin e s h e h as o n th e d in in g r o om ta b le . " I'm a lm ost d one," s h e s a ys. " L et m e ju st h em th is la st s e am . . ." E liz a b eth sta nd s, h o ld s u p a g re en c hurc h d re ss w it h a r o und w hit e c o lla r. " N ow b e h o nest," s h e w his p ers w it h eyes th at a re p le ad in g fo r m e to b e a nyth in g b ut. " D oes it lo ok h o m em ad e?" The h em o n o ne s id e h angs lo nger th an th e o th er. I t's w rin k le d a nd a c uff is a lr e ad y fr a yin g. " O ne hund re d p erc ent s to re -b ought. S tr a ig ht fr o m M ais o n B la nche's ," I s a y b ecause th at is E liz a b eth 's dre am s to re . I t is fiv e s to rie s o f e xp ensiv e c lo th es o n C anal S tr e et in N ew O rle ans, c lo th es th at co uld n ever b e fo und in J a ck so n. E liz a b eth g iv es m e a g ra te fu l s m ile .

"M ae M oble y's s le ep in g?" I a sk .

"F in ally ." E liz a b eth fid dle s w it h a c lu m p o f h air th at's s lip ped o ut o f h er r o lle r, g rim aces a t it s obstin acy. S om etim es h er v o ic e ta k es o n a h ard e d ge w hen s h e ta lk s a b out h er lit tle g ir l.

The d oor to th e g uest b ath ro om in th e h all o pens a nd H illy c o m es o ut ta lk in g, " . . . s o m uch b ette r.

Every b ody h as th eir o w n p la ce to g o n o w ." Eliz a b eth fid dle s w it h th e m achin e n eed le , s e em s w orrie d b y it .

"Y ou te ll R ale ig h I s a id Yo u a re w elc o m e ," H illy a d ds, a nd it h it s m e, th en, w hat's b ein g s a id .

Aib ile en h as h er o w n b ath ro om in th e g ara ge n o w .

Hilly s m ile s a t m e a nd I r e aliz e s h e's a b out to b rin g u p th e in it ia tiv e. " H ow 's y o ur m am a?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I k no w th is is h er le ast fa vo rit e s u b je ct. " S he g et s e ttle d in th e h o m e a lr ig ht? " "I g uess." H illy p ulls h er r e d s w eate r d ow n o ver th e p ud gy r o ll in h er w ais t. S he h as o n r e d -a nd - gre en p la id p ants th at s e em to m agnif y h er b otto m , m ak in g it r o und er a nd m ore fo rc efu l th an e ver.

"O f c o urs e s h e d oesn 't a p pre cia te a th in g I d o. I h ad to fir e th at m aid fo r h er, c aught h er tr y in g to ste al th e d am n s ilv er r ig ht u nd er m y n o se ." H illy n arro w s h er e yes a b it . " Y 'a ll h aven't h eard , b y th e way, if th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g s o m ew here , h ave y o u?" We s h ak e o ur h ead s n o .

"I d oub t s h e'll fin d w ork in th is to w n a gain ," E liz a b eth s a ys.

Hilly n o ds, m ullin g th is o ver. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , a nxio us to te ll th em m y n ew s.

"I ju st g o t a jo b a t th e Ja ck so n J o urn al ," I s a y.

There is q uie t in th e r o om . S ud denly E liz a b eth s q ueals . H illy s m ile s a t m e w it h s u ch p rid e, I b lu sh and s h ru g, lik e it 's n o t th at b ig o f a d eal.

"T hey'd b e a fo ol n o t to h ir e y o u, S keete r P hela n," H illy s a ys a nd r a is e s h er ic ed te a a s a to ast.

"S o . . . u m , h ave e it h er o f y 'a ll a ctu ally r e ad M is s M yrn a?" I a sk .

"W ell n o ," H illy s a ys. " B ut I b et th e p oor w hit e tr a sh g ir ls in S outh J a ck so n r e ad it lik e th e K in g Ja m es." Eliz a b eth n o ds. " A ll th o se p oor g ir ls w it h o ut h elp , I b et th ey d o." "W ould y o u m in d if I ta lk ed to A ib ile en?" I a sk E liz a b eth . " T o h elp m e a nsw er s o m e o f th e le tte rs ? " Eliz a b eth is v ery s till a s e co nd . " A ib ile en?

My A ib ile en?" " I s u re d on't k no w th e a nsw ers to th ese q uestio ns." "W ell . . . I m ean, a s lo ng a s it d oesn 't in te rfe re w it h h er w ork ." I p ause , s u rp ris e d b y th is a ttit u d e. B ut I r e m in d m yse lf th at E liz a b eth is p ayin g h er, a fte r a ll.

"A nd n o t to day w it h M ae M oble y a b out to g et u p o r e ls e I 'll h ave to lo ok a fte r h er m yse lf ." "O kay. M ayb e . . . m ayb e I 'll c o m e b y to m orro w m orn in g th en?" I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and . I f I fin is h ta lk in g to A ib ile en b y m id m orn in g, I 'll h ave tim e to r u sh h o m e to ty p e it u p , th en g et it b ack to to w n b y tw o.

Eliz a b eth fr o w ns d ow n a t h er s p ool o f g re en th re ad . " A nd o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s. T om orro w 's silv er- p olis h in g d ay." "It w on't b e lo ng, I p ro m is e ," I s a y.

Eliz a b eth is s ta rtin g to s o und ju st lik e m y m oth er.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G A T T EN , E liz a b eth o pens h er d oor, n o ds a t m e lik e a s c ho olt e acher. "A lr ig ht. G o o n in . A nd n o t to o lo ng n o w . M ae M oble y'll b e w ak in g u p a ny tim e." I w alk in to th e k it c hen, m y n o te b ook a nd p ap ers u nd er m y a rm . A ib ile en s m ile s a t m e fr o m th e s in k , her g o ld to oth s h in in g. S he's a lit tle p lu m p in th e m id dle , b ut it is a fr ie nd ly s o ftn ess. A nd s h e's m uch sh o rte r th an m e, b ecause w ho is n 't ? H er s k in is d ark b ro w n a nd s h in y a gain st h er s ta rc hy w hit e unif o rm . H er e yeb ro w s a re g ra y e ven th o ugh h er h air is b la ck .

"H ey, M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s till a t th e m achin e?" "Y es." I t's s tr a nge, e ven a fte r a ll th ese m onth s h o m e, to h ear E liz a b eth b ein g c alle d M is s L eefo lt - -n o t Mis s E liz a b eth o r e ven h er m aid en n am e, M is s F re d eric k s.

"M ay I ? " I p oin t to th e r e fr ig era to r. B ut b efo re I c an h elp m yse lf , A ib ile en's o pened it fo r m e.

"W hat y o u w ant? A C o-C ola ?" I n o d a nd s h e p ops th e c ap o ff w it h th e o pener m ounte d o n th e c o unte r, p ours it in to a g la ss.

"A ib ile en"- -I ta k e a d eep b re ath --"I w as w ond erin g if I c o uld g et y o ur h elp o n s o m eth in g." I te ll h er ab out th e c o lu m n th en, g ra te fu l w hen s h e n o ds th at s h e k no w s w ho M is s M yrn a is .

"S o m ayb e I c o uld r e ad y o u s o m e o f th e le tte rs a nd y o u c o uld ... h elp m e w it h th e a nsw ers . A fte r a while , m ayb e I 'll c atc h o n a nd . . ." I s to p. T here is n o w ay I 'll e ver b e a b le to a nsw er c le anin g questio ns m yse lf . H onestly , I h ave n o in te ntio n o f le arn in g h o w to c le an. " It s o und s u nfa ir , d oesn 't it , me ta k in g y o ur a nsw ers a nd a ctin g lik e th ey'r e m in e. O r M yrn a's , I m ean." I s ig h.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I d on't m in d th at. I ju st a in 't s o s u re M is s L eefo lt g o ne a p pro ve." "S he s a id it w as a lr ig ht." "D urin g m y r e gula r h o urs w ork in g?" I n o d, r e m em berin g th e p ro prie ty in E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"A lr ig ht th en." A ib ile en s h ru gs. S he lo oks u p a t th e c lo ck a b ove th e s in k . " I p ro bab ly h ave to s to p when M ae M oble y g ets u p ." "S ho uld w e s it ? " I p oin t to th e k it c hen ta b le .

Aib ile en g la nces a t th e s w in gin g d oor. " Y ou g o h ead , I 'm fin e s ta nd in g." I s p ent la st n ig ht r e ad in g e very M is s M yrn a a rtic le fr o m th e p re vio us fiv e y ears , b ut I h aven't h ad tim e to s o rt th ro ugh th e u nansw ere d le tte rs y et. I s tr a ig hte n m y c lip board , p encil in h and . " H ere 's a le tte r fr o m R ank in C ounty .

" ' Dea r M is s M yrn a, ' " I r e ad , " 'h ow d o I r e m ove t h e r in gs f ro m m y f a t s lo ven ly h usb and's sh ir t c o lla r w hen h e is s u ch a p ig a nd . . . a nd s w ea ts lik e o ne t o o . . .' " Wond erfu l. A c o lu m n o n c le anin g a nd r e la tio nsh ip s.

Tw o th in gs I k no w a b so lu te ly n o th in g a b out.

"W hic h o ne s h e w ant a g et r id o f? " A ib ile en a sk s. " T he r in gs o r th e h usb and ?" I s ta re a t th e p age. I w ould n't k no w h o w to in str u ct h er to d o e it h er o ne.

"T ell h er a v in egar a nd P in e-S ol s o ak . T hen le t it s e t in th e s u n a lit tle w hile ." I w rit e it q uic k ly o n m y p ad . " S it in th e s u n fo r h o w lo ng?" "B out a n h o ur. L et it d ry ." I p ull o ut th e n ext le tte r a nd , ju st a s q uic k ly , s h e a nsw ers it . A fte r fo ur o r fiv e, I e xhale , r e lie ved .

"T hank y o u, A ib ile en. Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch th is h elp s." "A in 't n o tr o ub le . L ong a s M is s L eefo lt d on't n eed m e." I g ath er u p m y p ap ers a nd ta k e a la st s ip o f m y C oke, le ttin g m yse lf r e la x fo r fiv e s e co nd s b efo re I have to g o w rit e th e a rtic le . A ib ile en p ic k s th ro ugh a s a ck o f g re en fid dle head s. T he r o om is q uie t excep t fo r th e r a d io p la yin g s o ftly , P re acher G re en a gain .

"H ow d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e? W ere y o u r e la te d ?" "W e . . . in th e s a m e c hurc h c ir c le ." A ib ile en s h if ts h er fe et in fr o nt o f th e s in k .

I fe el w hat h as b eco m e a fa m ilia r s tin g. " S he d id n't e ven le ave a n a d dre ss. I ju st- -I c an't b elie ve s h e quit lik e th at." Aib ile en k eep s h er e yes d ow n. S he s e em s to b e s tu d yin g th e fid dle head s v ery c are fu lly . " N o, I 'm rig ht s u re s h e w as le t g o ." "N o, M am a s a id s h e q uit . B ack in A pril. W ent to liv e u p in C hic ago w it h h er p eo ple ." Aib ile en p ic k s u p a no th er fid dle head , s ta rts w ash in g it s lo ng s te m , th e c urly g re en e nd s. " N o m a'a m ," sh e s a ys a fte r a p ause .

It ta k es m e a fe w s e co nd s to r e aliz e w hat w e'r e ta lk in g a b out h ere .

"A ib ile en," I s a y, tr y in g to c atc h h er e ye. " Y ou r e ally th in k C onsta ntin e w as fir e d ?" But A ib ile en's fa ce h as g o ne b la nk a s th e b lu e s k y. " I m ust b e m is re m em orin g," s h e s a ys a nd I c an te ll s h e th in k s s h e's s a id to o m uch to a w hit e w om an.

We h ear M ae M oble y c allin g o ut a nd A ib ile en e xcuse s h ers e lf a nd h ead s th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor.

A fe w s e co nd s p ass b efo re I h ave th e s e nse to g o h o m e.

WHEN I W alk in T H E H O USE te n m in ute s la te r, M oth er is r e ad in g a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

"M oth er," I s a y, c lu tc hin g m y n o te b ook to m y c hest, " d id y o u fir e C onsta ntin e?" "D id I . . .

what ?" M oth er a sk s. B ut I k no w s h e's h eard m e b ecause s h e's s e t th e D AR n ew sle tte r dow n. I t ta k es a h ard q uestio n to p ull h er e yes o ff th at r iv etin g m ate ria l.

"E ugenia , I to ld y o u, h er s is te r w as s ic k s o s h e w ent u p to C hic ago to liv e w it h h er p eo ple ," s h e sa ys. " W hy? W ho to ld y o u d if fe re nt? " I w ould n ever in a m illio n y ears te ll h er it w as A ib ile en. " I h eard it th is a fte rn o on. I n to w n." "W ho w ould ta lk a b out s u ch a th in g?" M oth er n arro w s h er e yes b ehin d h er r e ad in g g la sse s. " It must'v e b een o ne o f th e o th er N ig ra s." "W hat d id y o u do to h er, M oth er? " Moth er lic k s h er lip s, g iv es m e a g o od, lo ng lo ok o ver h er b if o cals . " Y ou w ould n't u nd ers ta nd , Eugenia . N ot u ntil y o u'v e h ir e d h elp o f y o ur o w n." "Y ou . . .

fir e d h er? F or w hat? " "It d oesn 't m atte r. I t's b ehin d m e n o w a nd I ju st w on't th in k a b out it a no th er m in ute ." "M oth er, s h e r a is e d m e. Y ou te ll m e r ig ht n o w w hat h ap pened !" I 'm d is g uste d b y th e s q ueak in ess o f my v o ic e, th e c hild is h s o und o f m y d em and s.

Moth er r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s a t m y to ne, ta k es h er g la sse s o ff. " It w as n o th in g b ut a c o lo re d th in g.

And th at's a ll I 'm s a yin g." S he p uts h er g la sse s b ack o n a nd lif ts h er D AR s h eet to h er e yes.

I'm s h ak in g, I 'm s o m ad . I p ound m y w ay u p th e s ta ir s . I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r, s tu nned th at m y moth er c o uld c ast o ff s o m eo ne w ho 'd d one h er th e b ig gest fa vo r o f h er lif e , r a is e h er c hild re n, te ach me k in d ness a nd s e lf - re sp ect. I s ta re a cro ss m y r o om a t th e r o se w allp ap er, th e e yele t c urta in s, th e yello w in g p ho to gra p hs s o fa m ilia r th ey a re n early c o nte m ptib le . C onsta ntin e w ork ed fo r o ur fa m ily fo r tw enty -n in e y ears .

FO R T H E N EX T W EEK , D ad dy r is e s b efo re d aw n. I w ak e to tr u ck m oto rs , th e c hug o f th e co m bin es s ta rtin g, th e h o lle rs to h urry . T he fie ld s a re b ro w n a nd c ris p w it h d ead c o tto n s ta lk s, defo lia te d s o th e m achin es c an g et to th e b olls . C otto n h arv est is h ere .

Dad dy d oesn 't e ven s to p fo r c hurc h d urin g h arv est tim e, b ut o n S und ay n ig ht, I c atc h h im in th e dusk y h all, b etw een h is s u p per a nd s le ep . " D ad dy?" I a sk . " W ill y o u te ll m e w hat h ap pened to Consta ntin e?" He is s o d og-tir e d , h e s ig hs b efo re h e a nsw ers .

"H ow c o uld M oth er fir e h er, D ad dy?" "W hat? D arlin ', C onsta ntin e q uit . Y ou k no w y o ur m oth er w ould n ever fir e h er." H e lo oks dis a p poin te d in m e fo r a sk in g s u ch a th in g.

"D o y o u k no w w here s h e w ent? O r h ave h er a d dre ss? " He s h ak es h is h ead n o . " A sk y o ur m am a, s h e'll k no w ." H e p ats m y s h o uld er. " P eo ple m ove o n, Skeete r. B ut I w is h s h e'd s ta yed d ow n h ere w it h u s." He w and ers d ow n th e h all to b ed . H e is to o h o nest a m an to h id e th in gs s o I k no w h e d oesn 't h ave any m ore fa cts a b out it th an I d o.

That w eek a nd e very w eek , s o m etim es tw ic e, I s to p b y E liz a b eth 's to ta lk to A ib ile en. E ach tim e, Eliz a b eth lo oks a lit tle w arie r. T he lo nger I s ta y in th e k it c hen, th e m ore c ho re s E liz a b eth c o m es u p wit h u ntil I le ave: th e d oork no bs n eed p olis h in g, th e to p o f th e r e fr ig era to r n eed s d ustin g, M ae Moble y's fin gern ails c o uld u se a tr im . A ib ile en is n o m ore th an c o rd ia l w it h m e, n erv o us, s ta nd s a t th e k it c hen s in k a nd n ever s to ps w ork in g. I t's n o t lo ng b efo re I a m a head o f c o py a nd M is te r Gold en s e em s p le ase d w it h th e c o lu m n, th e fir s t tw o o f w hic h o nly to ok m e a b out tw enty m in ute s to writ e .

And e very w eek , I a sk A ib ile en a b out C onsta ntin e. C an't s h e g et h er a d dre ss fo r m e? C an't s h e te ll me a nyth in g a b out w hy s h e g o t fir e d ? W as th ere a b ig to -d o, b ecause I ju st c an't im agin e Consta ntin e s a yin g yes m a'a m a nd w alk in g o ut th e b ack d oor. M am a'd g et c ro ss w it h h er a b out a ta rn is h ed s p oon a nd C onsta ntin e w ould s e rv e h er to ast b urn ed u p fo r a w eek . I c an o nly im agin e ho w a fir in g w ould 'v e g o ne.

It h ard ly m atte rs , th o ugh, b ecause a ll A ib ile en w ill d o is s h ru g a t m e, s a y s h e d on't k no w n o th in g.

One a fte rn o on, a fte r a sk in g A ib ile en h o w to g et o ut to ugh tu b r in gs ( n ever h avin g s c ru b bed a bath tu b in m y lif e ), I c o m e h o m e. I w alk p ast th e r e la xin g r o om . T he te le vis io n s e t is o n a nd I g la nce at it . P asc ago ula 's s ta nd in g a b out fiv e in ches a w ay fr o m th e s c re en. I h ear th e w ord s Ole M is s a nd on th e fu zzy s c re en I s e e w hit e m en in d ark s u it s c ro w din g th e c am era , s w eat r u nnin g o ff th eir b ald head s. I c o m e c lo se r a nd s e e a N egro m an, a b out m y a ge, s ta nd in g in th e m id dle o f th e w hit e m en, wit h A rm y m en b ehin d h im . T he p ic tu re p ans b ack a nd th ere is m y o ld a d m in is tr a tio n b uild in g.

Govern o r R oss B arn ett s ta nd s w it h h is a rm s c ro sse d , lo okin g th e ta ll N egro in th e e ye. N ext to th e go vern o r is o ur S enato r W hit w orth , w ho se s o n H illy 's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p w it h o n a b lin d d ate .

I w atc h th e te le vis io n, r iv ete d . Y et I a m n eit h er th rille d n o r d is a p poin te d b y th e n ew s th at th ey m ig ht le t a c o lo re d m an in to O le M is s, ju st s u rp ris e d . P asc ago ula , th o ugh, is b re ath in g s o lo ud I c an h ear her. S he s ta nd s s to ck -still, n o t a w are I a m b ehin d h er. R oger S tic k er, o ur lo cal r e p orte r, is n erv o us, sm ilin g, ta lk in g fa st. " P re sid ent K enned y h as o rd ere d th e g o vern o r to s te p a sid e fo r J a m es M ere d it h , I r e p eat, th e P re sid ent o f th e U nit e d --" "E ugenia , P asc ago ula ! T urn th at s e t o ff r ig ht th is m in ute !" Pasc ago ula je rk s a ro und to s e e m e a nd M oth er. S he r u sh es o ut o f th e r o om , h er e yes to th e flo or.

"N ow , I w on't h ave it , E ugenia ," M oth er w his p ers . " I w on't h ave y o u e nco ura gin g th em lik e th at." "E nco ura gin g? I t's n atio nw id e n ew s, M am a." Moth er s n if fs . " It is n o t a p pro pria te fo r th e tw o o f y o u to w atc h to geth er," a nd s h e flip s th e c hannel, sto ps o n a n a fte rn o on r e ru n o f L aw re nce W elk .

"L ook, is n 't th is s o m uch n ic er? " On a H O T S ATU RD AY in la te S ep te m ber, th e c o tto n fie ld s c ho pped a nd e m pty , D ad dy c arrie s a new R C A c o lo r te le vis io n s e t in to th e h o use . H e m oves th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e o ne to th e k it c hen.

Sm ilin g a nd p ro ud , h e p lu gs th e n ew T V in to th e w all o f th e r e la xin g r o om . T he O le M is s v ers u s LSU fo otb all g am e b la re s th ro ugh th e h o use fo r th e r e st o f th e a fte rn o on.

Mam a, o f c o urs e , is g lu ed to th e c o lo r p ic tu re , o ohin g a nd a ahin g a t th e v ib ra nt r e d s a nd b lu es o f th e te am . S he a nd D ad dy liv e b y R eb el fo otb all. S he's d re sse d u p in r e d w ool p ants d esp it e th e sw elt e rin g h eat a nd h as D ad dy's o ld K ap pa A lp ha b la nk et d ra p ed o n th e c hair . N o o ne m entio ns Ja m es M ere d it h , th e c o lo re d s tu d ent th ey le t in .

I ta k e th e C ad illa c a nd h ead in to to w n. M oth er fin d s it in exp lic ab le th at I d on't w ant to w atc h m y alm a m ate r th ro w a b all a ro und . B ut E liz a b eth a nd h er fa m ily a re a t H illy 's w atc hin g th e g am e s o Aib ile en's w ork in g in th e h o use a lo ne. I 'm h o pin g it 'll b e a lit tle e asie r o n A ib ile en if E liz a b eth 's n o t th ere . T ru th is , I 'm h o pin g s h e'll te ll m e s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, a b out C onsta ntin e.

Aib ile en le ts m e in a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e k it c hen. S he s e em s o nly th e s m alle st b it m ore re la xed in E liz a b eth 's e m pty h o use . S he e yes th e k it c hen ta b le , lik e s h e w ants to s it to day. B ut w hen I a sk h er, s h e a nsw ers , " N o, I 'm fin e. Y ou g o h ead ." S he ta k es a to m ato fr o m a p an in th e s in k a nd sta rts to p eel it w it h a k nif e .

So I le an a gain st th e c o unte r a nd p re se nt th e la te st c o nund ru m : h o w to k eep th e d ogs fr o m g ettin g in to y o ur tr a sh cans o uts id e. B ecause y o ur la zy h usb and fo rg ets to p ut it o ut o n th e r ig ht p ic k -u p d ay.

Sin ce h e d rin k s a ll th at d am n b eer.

"J u st p our s o m e p neum onia in th at g arb age. D ogs w on't s o m uch a s w in k a t th em c ans." I jo t it dow n, a m end in g it to a m monia , a nd p ic k o ut th e n ext le tte r. W hen I lo ok u p , A ib ile en's k in d o f sm ilin g a t m e.

"I d on't m ean n o th in g d is re sp ectfu l, M is s S keete r, b ut . . . a in 't it k in d a s tr a nge y o u b ein g th e n ew Mis s M yrn a w hen y o u d on't k no w n o th in g a b out h o use k eep in g?" She d id n't s a y it th e w ay M oth er d id , a m onth a go . I fin d m yse lf la ughin g in ste ad , a nd I te ll h er w hat I'v e to ld n o o ne e ls e , a b out th e p ho ne c alls a nd th e r e su m e I 'd s e nt to H arp er & R ow . T hat I w ant to b e a w rit e r. T he a d vic e I r e ceiv ed fr o m E la in e S te in . I t's n ic e to te ll s o m eb ody.

Aib ile en n o ds, tu rn s h er k nif e a ro und a no th er s o ft r e d to m ato . " M y b oy T re elo re , h e lik e to w rit e ." "I d id n't k no w y o u h ad a s o n." "H e d ead . T w o y ears n o w ." "O h, I 'm s o s o rry ," I s a y a nd fo r a m om ent it 's ju st P re acher G re en in th e r o om , th e s o ft p at o f to m ato s k in s a gain st th e s in k .

"M ad e s tr a ig ht A s o n e ver E nglis h te st h e ta k e. T hen la te r, w hen h e g ro w n, h e p ic k h im se lf u p a ty p ew rit e r a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n a id ea . . ." T he p in -tu ck ed s h o uld ers o f h er u nif o rm s lu m p d ow n.

"S ay h e g o ne w rit e h im se lf a b ook." "W hat k in d o f id ea?" I a sk . " I m ean, if y o u d on't m in d te llin g . . ." Aib ile en s a ys n o th in g fo r a w hile . K eep s p eelin g to m ato es a ro und a nd a ro und . " H e r e ad th is b ook call In vis ib le M an.

W hen h e d one, h e s a y h e g o ne w rit e d ow n w hat it w as lik e to b e c o lo re d work in g fo r a w hit e m an in M is sis sip pi. " I lo ok a w ay, k no w in g th is is w here m y m oth er w ould s to p th e c o nvers a tio n. T his is w here s h e'd sm ile a nd c hange th e s u b je ct to th e p ric e o f s ilv er p olis h o r w hit e r ic e.

"I r e ad In vis ib le M an , to o, a fte r h e d id ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I lik ed it a lr ig ht." I n o d, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever r e ad it . I h ad n't th o ught o f A ib ile en a s a r e ad er b efo re .

"H e w ro te a lm ost fif ty p ages," s h e s a ys. " I le t h is g ir l F ra nces k eep h o ld o f e m ." Aib ile en s to ps p eelin g. I s e e h er th ro at m ove w hen s h e s w allo w s. " P le ase d on't te ll n o body th at," s h e sa ys, s o fte r n o w , " h im w antin g to w rit e a b out h is w hit e b oss." S he b it e s h er lip a nd it s tr ik es m e th en th at s h e's s till a fr a id fo r h im . E ven th o ugh h e's d ead , th e in stin ct to b e a fr a id fo r h er s o n is s till th ere .

"It's fin e th at y o u to ld m e, A ib ile en. I th in k it w as . . . a b ra ve id ea." Aib ile en h o ld s m y g aze fo r a m om ent. T hen s h e p ic k s u p a no th er to m ato a nd s e ts th e k nif e a gain st th e s k in . I w atc h, w ait fo r th e r e d ju ic e to s p ill. B ut A ib ile en s to ps b efo re s h e c uts , g la nces a t th e kit c hen d oor.

"I d on't th in k it 's fa ir , y o u n o t k no w in g w hat h ap pen to C onsta ntin e. I ju st- -I'm s o rry , I d on't fe el rig ht ta lk in g to y o u a b out it ." I s ta y q uie t, n o t s u re w hat's s p urre d th is , n o t w antin g to r u in it .

"I'll te ll y o u th o ugh, it w as s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er d aughte r. C om in g to s e e y o ur m am a." "D aughte r? C onsta ntin e n ever to ld m e s h e h ad a d aughte r." I k new C onsta ntin e fo r tw enty -th re e years . W hy w ould s h e k eep th is fr o m m e?

"It w as h ard fo r h er. T he b ab y c o m e o ut r e al . . . p ale ." I h o ld s till, r e m em berin g w hat C onsta ntin e to ld m e, y ears a go . " Y ou m ean, lig ht? L ik e . . . w hit e ?" Aib ile en n o ds, k eep in g a t h er ta sk in th e s in k . " H ad to s e nd h er a w ay, u p n o rth I th in k ." "C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e ," I s a y. " O h . . . A ib ile en . . . y o u d on't th in k . . ." A n u gly th o ught is ru nnin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I a m to o s h o ck ed to fin is h m y s e nte nce.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " N o n o , n o m a'a m . N ot... th at. C onsta ntin e's m an, C onno r, h e w as co lo re d . B ut s in ce C onsta ntin e h ad h er d ad dy's b lo od in h er, h er b ab y c o m e o ut a h ig h y ello w . I t . . .

hap pens." I fe el a sh am ed fo r h avin g th o ught th e w ors t. S till, I d on't u nd ers ta nd . " W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e e ver te ll m e?" I a sk , n o t r e ally e xp ectin g a n a nsw er. " W hy w ould s h e s e nd h er a w ay?" Aib ile en n o ds to h ers e lf , lik e s h e u nd ers ta nd s. B ut I d on't . " T hat w as th e w ors t o ff I e ver s e en h er.

Consta ntin e m ust a s a id a th o usa nd tim es, s h e c o uld n't w ait fo r th e d ay w hen s h e g o t h er b ack ." "Y ou s a id th e d aughte r, s h e h ad s o m eth in g to d o w it h C onsta ntin e g ettin g fir e d ? W hat h ap pened ?" At th is , A ib ile en's fa ce g o es b la nk . T he c urta in h as d ra w n. S he n o ds to w ard th e M is s M y