You are to write about chapters 17-22 for this post. Remember you need to write 300 words.
The H elp KATH RYN S T O CK ETT Penguin G ro up U SA Table o f C onte nts C opyrig ht P age D ed ic a tio n A IB IL EEN c hap te r 1 - A ugust 1 962 c hap te r 2 M IN NY c hap te r 3 c hap te r 4 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 5 c hap te r 6 A IB IL EEN c hap te r 7 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 8 c hap te r 9 M IN NY c hap te r 1 0 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 1 1 c hap te r 1 2 c hap te r 1 3 A IB IL EEN chap te r 1 4 chap te r 1 5 chap te r 1 6 MIN NY chap te r 1 7 chap te r 1 8 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 1 9 chap te r 2 0 chap te r 2 1 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 2 chap te r 2 3 MIN NY chap te r 2 4 TH E B EN EFIT chap te r 2 5 MIN NY chap te r 2 6 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 2 7 chap te r 2 8 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 9 MIN NY chap te r 3 0 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 1 MIN NY chap te r 3 2 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 3 3 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 4 Ack now le d gem en ts TO O L IT TLE , T O O L ATE ABO U T T H E A U TH OR AM Y E IN HORN B O OKS Pub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Publis h ers S in ce 1 838 Pub lis h ed b y th e P enguin G ro up Penguin G ro up ( U SA ) I n c., 3 75 H ud so n S tr e et, N ew Y ork , N ew Y ork 1 0014, U SA P enguin Gro up ( C anad a), 9 0 E glin to n A venue E ast, S uit e 7 00, T oro nto , O nta rio M 4P 2 Y 3, C anad a ( a d iv is io n o f Pears o n C anad a I n c.) P enguin B ooks L td , 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd P enguin Ire la nd , 2 5 S t S te p hen's G re en, D ub lin 2 , I re la nd ( a d iv is io n o f P enguin B ooks L td ) P enguin Gro up ( A ustr a lia ), 2 50 C am berw ell R oad , C am berw ell, V ic to ria 3 124, A ustr a lia ( a d iv is io n of P ears o n A ustr a lia G ro up P ty L td ) P enguin B ooks I n d ia P vt L td , 1 1 C om munit y C entr e , Panchsh eel P ark , N ew D elh i- 1 1 0 0 17, I n d ia P enguin G ro up ( N Z), 6 7 A pollo D riv e, R ose d ale , North S ho re 0 632, N ew Z eala nd ( a d iv is io n o f P ears o n N ew Z eala nd L td ) P enguin B ooks (S outh A fr ic a) ( P ty ) L td , 2 4 S tu rd ee A venue, R ose b ank , J o hannesb urg 2 196, S outh A fr ic a Penguin B ooks L td , R egis te re d O ffic es: 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd Fir s t p ub lis h ed in th e U nit e d S ta te s b y A my E in ho rn B ooks, p ub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Copyrig ht ( c ) 2 009 b y K ath ry n S to ck ett All r ig hts r e se rv ed . N o p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , s c anned , o r d is tr ib ute d in a ny prin te d or e le ctr o nic fo rm w it h o ut p erm is sio n. P le ase d o n o t p artic ip ate in o r e nco ura ge p ir a cy o f co pyrig hte d mate ria ls in v io la tio n o f th e a uth o r's r ig hts . P urc hase o nly a uth o riz e d e d it io ns.
Pub lis h ed s im ult a neo usly in C anad a A C IP c ata lo gue r e co rd o f th is b ook is a vaila b le fr o m th e U .S . L ib ra ry o f C ongre ss.
This is a w ork o f fic tio n. N am es, c hara cte rs , p la ces, a nd in cid ents e it h er a re th e p ro duct o f th e auth o r's im agin atio n o r a re u se d fic tit io usly , a nd a ny r e se m bla nce to a ctu al p ers o ns, liv in g o r d ead , busin esse s, c o m panie s, e vents , o r lo cale s is e ntir e ly c o in cid enta l.
While th e a uth o r h as m ad e e very e ffo rt to p ro vid e a ccura te te le p ho ne n um bers a nd I n te rn et ad dre sse s at th e tim e o f p ub lic atio n, n eit h er th e p ub lis h er n o r th e a uth o r a ssu m es a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r e rro rs , or fo r c hanges th at o ccur a fte r p ub lic atio n. F urth er, th e p ub lis h er d oes n o t h ave a ny c o ntr o l o ver and d oes n o t a ssu m e a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r a uth o r o r th ir d -p arty w eb sit e s o r th eir c o nte nt.
eIS B N : 9 78-1 -4 40-6 9763-0 http :/ /u s.p enguin gro up .c o m T o G ra nd ad dy S to ck ett, th e b est s to ry te lle r o f a ll AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 August 1 962 M AE M OBLEY w as b orn o n a e arly S und ay m orn in g in A ugust, 1 960. A c hurc h b ab y w e lik e to c all it . T ak in g c are a w hit e b ab ie s, th at's w hat I d o, a lo ng w it h a ll th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. I d one r a is e d s e vente en k id s in m y lif e tim e. I k no w h o w to g et th em b ab ie s to s le ep , s to p c ry in g, a nd g o in th e to ile t b ow l b efo re th ey m am as e ven g et o ut a b ed in th e m orn in g.
B ut I a in 't n ever s e en a b ab y y ell lik e M ae M oble y L eefo lt . F ir s t d ay I w alk in th e d oor, th ere s h e b e, r e d -h o t a nd h o lle rin g w it h th e c o lic , fig htin g th at b ottle lik e it 's a r o tte n tu rn ip . M is s L eefo lt , s h e l o ok te rrif ie d a h er o w n c hild . " W hat a m I d oin g w ro ng? W hy c an't I s to p it ? " I t?
T hat w as m y fir s t h in t: s o m eth in g is w ro ng w it h th is s it u atio n.
S o I to ok th at p in k , s c re am in g b ab y in m y a rm s. B ounced h er o n m y h ip to g et th e g as m ovin g a nd it d id n't ta k e tw o m in ute s fo re B ab y G ir l s to pped h er c ry in g, g o t to s m ilin g u p a t m e lik e s h e d o. B ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't p ic k u p h er o w n b ab y fo r th e r e st a th e d ay. I s e en p le nty a w om ens g et th e b ab y b lu es a fte r th ey d one b ir th in g. I r e ck on I th o ught th at's w hat it w as.
H ere 's s o m eth in g a b out M is s L eefo lt : s h e n o t ju st fr o w nin g a ll th e tim e, s h e s k in ny. H er le gs is s o s p in d ly , s h e lo ok lik e s h e d one g ro w ed e m la st w eek . T w enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e la nk y a s a f o urte en-y ear- o ld b oy. E ven h er h air is th in , b ro w n, s e e-th ro ugh. S he tr y to te ase it u p , b ut it o nly m ak e it lo ok th in ner. H er fa ce b e th e s a m e s h ap e a s th at r e d d evil o n th e r e d ho t c and y b ox, p oin ty c hin a nd a ll. F act, h er w ho le b ody b e s o fu ll a s h arp k no bs a nd c o rn ers , it 's n o w ond er s h e c an't s o oth e th at b ab y. B ab ie s lik e fa t. L ik e to b ury th ey fa ce u p in y o u a rm pit a nd g o to s le ep . T hey lik e b ig fa t le gs to o. T hat I k no w .
B y th e tim e s h e a y ear o ld , M ae M oble y fo llo w in g m e a ro und e verw here I g o . F iv e o 'c lo ck w ould c o m e r o und a nd s h e'd b e h angin g o n m y D r. S cho ll s h o e, d ra ggin g o ver th e flo or, c ry in g lik e I w ere n't n ever c o m in g b ack . M is s L eefo lt , s h e'd n arro w u p h er e yes a t m e lik e I d one s o m eth in g w ro ng, u nhit c h th at c ry in g b ab y o ff m y fo ot. I r e ck on th at's th e r is k y o u r u n, le ttin g s o m eb ody e ls e r a is e y o u c hillu ns.
M ae M oble y tw o y ears o ld n o w . S he g o t b ig b ro w n e yes a nd h o ney-c o lo r c urls . B ut th e b ald s p ot i n th e b ack o f h er h air k in d a th ro w th in gs o ff. S he g et th e s a m e w rin k le b etw een h er e yeb ro w s w hen s h e w orrie d , lik e h er m am a. T hey k in d a fa vo r e xcep t M ae M oble y s o fa t. S he a in 't g o ne b e n o b eauty q ueen. I th in k it b oth er M is s L eefo lt , b ut M ae M oble y m y s p ecia l b ab y.
I L O ST M Y O W N B O Y, T re elo re , r ig ht b efo re I s ta rte d w ait in g o n M is s L eefo lt . H e w as tw enty - f o ur y ears o ld . T he b est p art o f a p ers o n's lif e . I t ju st w asn 't e no ugh tim e liv in g in th is w orld .
H e h ad h im a lit tle a p artm ent o ver o n F ole y S tr e et. S eein g a r e al n ic e g ir l n am e F ra nces a nd I s p ec th ey w as g o ne g et m arrie d , b ut h e w as s lo w b out th in gs lik e th at. N ot c ause h e lo okin g fo r so m eth in g b ette r, ju st c ause h e th e th in k in g k in d . W ore b ig g la sse s a nd r e ad in g a ll th e tim e. H e e ven sta rt w rit in g h is o w n b ook, b out b ein g a c o lo re d m an liv in g a nd w ork in g in M is sis sip pi. L aw , th at mad e m e p ro ud . B ut o ne n ig ht h e w ork in g la te a t th e S canlo n-T aylo r m ill, lu ggin g tw o-b y-fo urs to th e tr u ck , s p lin te rs s lic in g a ll th e w ay th ro ugh th e g lo ve. H e to o s m all fo r th at k in d a w ork , to o sk in ny, b ut h e n eed ed th e jo b. H e w as tir e d . I t w as r a in in g. H e s lip o ff th e lo ad in g d ock , fe ll d ow n on th e d riv e. T ra cto r tr a ile r d id n't s e e h im a nd c ru sh ed h is lu ngs fo re h e c o uld m ove. B y th e tim e I fo und o ut, h e w as d ead .
That w as th e d ay m y w ho le w orld w ent b la ck . A ir lo ok b la ck , s u n lo ok b la ck . I la id u p in b ed a nd sta re d a t th e b la ck w alls a m y h o use . M in ny c am e e ver d ay to m ak e s u re I w as s till b re ath in g, fe ed me fo od to k eep m e liv in g. T ook th re e m onth s fo re I e ven lo ok o ut th e w in d ow , s e e if th e w orld s till th ere . I w as s u rp ris e to s e e th e w orld d id n't s to p ju st c ause m y b oy d id .
Fiv e m onth s a fte r th e fu nera l, I lif te d m yse lf u p o ut a b ed . I p ut o n m y w hit e u nif o rm a nd p ut m y lit tle go ld c ro ss b ack a ro und m y n eck a nd I w ent to w ait o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st h ave h er b ab y gir l. B ut it w ere n't to o lo ng b efo re I s e en s o m eth in g in m e h ad c hanged . A b it te r s e ed w as p la nte d in sid e a m e. A nd I ju st d id n't fe el s o a ccep tin g a nym ore .
"G ET T H E H O USE s tr a ig hte ned u p a nd th en g o o n a nd fix s o m e o f th at c hic k en s a la d n o w ," s a y Mis s L eefo lt .
It's b rid ge c lu b d ay. E very fo urth W ed nesd ay a th e m onth . A c o urs e I a lr e ad y g o t e verth in g r e ad y to go --m ad e th e c hic k en s a la d th is m orn in g, ir o ned th e ta b le clo th s y este rd ay. M is s L eefo lt s e en m e a t it to o. S he a in 't b ut tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e lik e h earin g h ers e lf te ll m e w hat to d o.
She a lr e ad y g o t th e b lu e d re ss o n I ir o ned th is m orn in g, th e o ne w it h six ty -fiv e p le ats o n th e w ais t, so tin y I g o t to s q uin t th ro ugh m y g la sse s to ir o n. I d on't h ate m uch in lif e , b ut m e a nd th at d re ss is not o n g o od te rm s.
"A nd y o u m ak e s u re M ae M oble y's n o t c o m in g in o n u s, n o w . I te ll y o u, I a m s o b urn ed u p a t h er- - to re u p m y g o od s ta tio nery in to fiv e th o usa nd p ie ces a nd I 'v e g o t fif te en th ank -y o u n o te s fo r th e Ju nio r L eague to d o . . ." I a rra nge th e-th is a nd th e-th at fo r h er la d y fr ie nd s. S et o ut th e g o od c ry sta l, p ut th e s ilv er s e rv ic e out. M is s L eefo lt d on't p ut u p n o d in k y c ard ta b le lik e th e o th er la d ie s d o. W e s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . P ut a c lo th o n to p to c o ver th e b ig L -sh ap ed c ra ck , m ove th at r e d flo w er c ente rp ie ce to th e sid eb oard to h id e w here th e w ood a ll s c ra tc hed . M is s L eefo lt , s h e lik e it fa ncy w hen s h e d o a lu ncheo n. M ayb e s h e tr y in g to m ak e u p fo r h er h o use b ein g s m all. T hey a in 't r ic h fo lk , th at I k no w .
Ric h fo lk d on't tr y s o h ard .
I'm u se d to w ork in g fo r y o ung c o up le s, b ut I s p ec th is is th e s m alle st h o use I e ver w ork ed in . I t's ju st th e o ne s to ry . H er a nd M is te r L eefo lt 's r o om in th e b ack b e a fa ir s iz e , b ut B ab y G ir l's r o om b e tin y. T he d in in g r o om a nd th e r e gula r liv in g r o om k in d a jo in u p . O nly tw o b ath ro om s, w hic h is a re lie f c ause I w ork ed in h o use s w here th ey w as fiv e o r s ix . T ak e a w ho le d ay ju st to c le an to ile ts .
Mis s L eefo lt d on't p ay b ut n in ety -fiv e c ents a n h o ur, le ss th an I b een p aid in y ears . B ut a fte r T re elo re die d , I to ok w hat I c o uld . L and lo rd w asn 't g o ne w ait m uch lo nger. A nd e ven th o ugh it 's s m all, M is s Leefo lt d one th e h o use u p n ic e a s s h e c an. S he p re tty g o od w it h th e s e w in g m achin e. A nyth in g s h e can't b uy n ew o f, s h e ju st g et h er s o m e b lu e m ate ria l a nd s e w it a c o ver.
The d oorb ell r in g a nd I o pen it u p .
"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, c ause s h e th e k in d th at s p eak to th e h elp . " H ow y o u?" "H ey, M is s S keete r. I 'm a lr ig ht. L aw , it 's h o t o ut th ere ." Mis s S keete r r e al ta ll a nd s k in ny. H er h air b e y ello w a nd c ut s h o rt a b ove h er s h o uld ers c ause s h e get th e fr iz z y ear r o und . S he tw enty -th re e o r s o , s a m e a s M is s L eefo lt a nd th e r e st o f e m . S he s e t her p ock etb ook o n th e c hair , k in d a it c h a ro und in h er c lo th es a s e co nd . S he w earin g a w hit e la ce blo use b utto ned u p lik e a n un, fla t s h o es s o I r e ck on s h e d on't lo ok a ny ta lle r. H er b lu e s k ir t g ap s open in th e w ais t. M is s S keete r a lw ays lo ok lik e s o m eb ody e ls e to ld h er w hat to w ear.
I h ear M is s H illy a nd h er m am a, M is s W alt e r, p ull u p th e d riv ew ay a nd to ot th e h o rn . M is s H illy don't liv e b ut te n fe et a w ay, b ut s h e a lw ays d riv e o ver. I le t h er in a nd s h e g o r ig ht p ast m e a nd I fig ure it 's a g o od tim e to g et M ae M oble y u p fr o m h er n ap .
Soon a s I w alk in h er n urs e ry , M ae M oble y s m ile a t m e, r e ach o ut h er fa t lit tle a rm s.
"Y ou a lr e ad y u p , B ab y G ir l? W hy y o u d id n't h o lle r fo r m e?" She la ugh, d ance a lit tle h ap py jig w ait in g o n m e to g et h er o ut. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug. I r e ck on s h e don't g et to o m any g o od h ugs lik e th is a fte r I g o h o m e. E ver s o o fte n, I c o m e to w ork a nd fin d h er baw lin g in h er c rib , M is s L eefo lt b usy o n th e s e w in g m achin e r o llin g h er e yes lik e it 's a s tr a y c at stu ck in th e s c re en d oor. S ee, M is s L eefo lt , s h e d re ss u p n ic e e ver d ay. A lw ays g o t h er m ak eup o n, go t a c arp ort, d oub le -d oor F rig id air e w it h th e b uilt - in ic eb ox. Y ou s e e h er in th e J it n ey 1 4 g ro cery , yo u n ever th in k s h e g o a nd le ave h er b ab y c ry in g in h er c rib lik e th at. B ut th e h elp a lw ays k no w .
Today is a g o od d ay th o ugh. T hat g ir l ju st g rin s.
I s a y, " A ib ile en." She s a y, " A ib -e e." I s a y, " L ove." She s a y, " L ove." I s a y, " M ae M oble y." She s a y, " A ib -e e." A nd th en s h e la ugh a nd la ugh. S he s o tic k le d s h e ta lk in g a nd I g o t to s a y, it 's ab out tim e. T re elo re d id n't s a y n o th in g till h e tw o e it h er. B y th e tim e h e in th ir d g ra d e, th o ugh, h e g et to ta lk in g b ette r th an th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s, c o m in g h o m e u sin g w ord s lik e co nju gatio n and parlia m en ta ry . H e g et in ju nio r h ig h a nd w e p la y th is g am e w here I g iv e h im a r e al s im ple w ord and h e g o t to c o m e u p w it h a fa ncy o ne lik e it . I s a y house ca t , h e s a y dom estic iz e d f e lin e , I s a y mix er a nd h e s a y moto riz e d r o tu nda.
O ne d ay I s a y Cris c o .
H e s c ra tc h h is h ead . H e ju st c an't belie ve I d one w on th e g am e w it h s o m eth in g s im ple a s Cris c o . C am e to b e a s e cre t jo ke w it h u s, meanin g s o m eth in g y o u c an't d re ss u p n o m atte r h o w y o u tr y . W e s ta rt c allin g h is d ad dy Cris c o cause y o u c an't fa ncy u p a m an d one r u n o ff o n h is fa m ily . P lu s h e th e g re asie st n o -c o unt y o u e ver kno w n.
I to te M ae M oble y in to th e k it c hen a nd p ut h er in h er h ig h c hair , th in k in g a b out tw o c ho re s I n eed to fin is h to day fo re M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit : s e p ara te th e n ap kin s th at s ta rte d to fr a y a nd s tr a ig hte n u p th e s ilv er s e rv ic e in th e c ab in et. L aw , I 'm o n h ave to d o it w hile th e la d ie s is h ere , I g uess.
I ta k e th e tr a y a d evil e ggs o ut to th e d in in g r o om . M is s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e h ead a nd to h er le ft b e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok a nd M is s H illy 's m am a, M is s W alt e r, w ho M is s H illy d on't tr e at w it h n o re sp ect. A nd th en o n M is s L eefo lt 's r ig ht b e M is s S keete r.
I m ak e th e e gg r o und s, s ta rtin g w it h o le M is s W alt e r fir s t c ause s h e th e e ld er. I t's w arm in h ere , b ut sh e g o t a th ic k b ro w n s w eate r d ro oped a ro und h er s h o uld ers . S he s c o op a e gg u p a nd n ear b out dro p it c ause s h e g ettin g th e p als y. T hen I m ove o ver to M is s H illy a nd s h e s m ile a nd ta k e tw o. M is s Hilly g o t a r o und fa ce a nd d ark b ro w n h air in th e b eehiv e. H er s k in b e o liv e c o lo r, w it h fr e ck le s a nd mole s. S he w ear a lo t a r e d p la id . A nd s h e g ettin g h eavy in th e b otto m . T oday, s in ce it 's s o h o t, s h e wearin g a r e d s le evele ss d re ss w it h n o w ais t to it . S he o ne a th o se g ro w n la d ie s th at s till d re ss lik e a lit tle g ir l w it h b ig b ow s a nd m atc hin g h ats a nd s u ch. S he a in 't m y fa vo rit e .
I m ove o ver to M is s S keete r, b ut s h e w rin k le h er n o se u p a t m e a nd s a y, " N o, th ank s," c ause s h e don't e at n o e ggs. I te ll M is s L eefo lt e ver tim e s h e h ave th e b rid ge c lu b a nd s h e m ak e m e d o th em eggs a nyw ays. S he s c are d M is s H illy b e d is a p poin te d .
Fin ally , I d o M is s L eefo lt . S he th e h o ste ss s o s h e g o t to p ic k u p h er e ggs la st. A nd s o on a s I 'm done, M is s H illy s a y, " D on't m in d if I d o," a nd s n atc h h ers e lf tw o m ore e ggs, w hic h d on't s u rp ris e me.
"G uess w ho I r a n in to a t th e b eauty p arlo r? " M is s H illy s a y to th e la d ie s.
"W ho 's th at? " a sk M is s L eefo lt .
"C elia F oote . A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e a sk ed m e? I f s h e c o uld h elp w it h th e B enefit th is y ear." "G ood," M is s S keete r s a y. " W e n eed it ." "N ot th at b ad , w e d on't . I to ld h er, I s a id , 'C elia , y o u h ave to b e a L eague m em ber o r a s u sta in er to partic ip ate .' W hat d oes s h e th in k th e J a ck so n L eague is ? O pen r u sh ?" "A re n't w e ta k in g n o nm em bers th is y ear? S in ce th e B enefit 's g o tte n s o b ig ?" M is s S keete r a sk .
"W ell, y es," M is s H illy s a y. " B ut I w asn 't a b out to te ll her th at." "I c an't b elie ve J o hnny m arrie d a g ir l s o ta ck y lik e s h e is ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd M is s H illy n o d. S he sta rt d ealin g o ut th e b rid ge c ard s. I s p oon o ut th e c o ngeale d s a la d a nd th e h am s a nd w ic hes, c an't h elp b ut lis te n to th e c hatte r. O nly th re e th in gs th em la d ie s ta lk a b out: th ey k id s, th ey c lo th es, a nd th ey fr ie nd s. I h ear th e w ord Ken ned y , I k no w th ey a in 't d is c ussin g n o p olit ic . T hey ta lk in g a b out w hat M is s J a ck ie d one w ore o n th e te e-v ee.
When I g et a ro und to M is s W alt e r, s h e d on't ta k e b ut o ne lit tle o ld h alf a s a nd w ic h fo r h ers e lf .
"M am a," M is s H illy y ell a t M is s W alt e r, " T ak e a no th er s a nd w ic h. Y ou a re s k in ny a s a te le p ho ne pole ." M is s H illy lo ok o ver a t th e r e st a th e ta b le . " I k eep te llin g h er, if th at M in ny c an't c o ok s h e need s to ju st g o o n a nd fir e h er." My e ars p erk u p a t th is . T hey ta lk in g b out th e h elp . I 'm b est fr ie nd s w it h M in ny.
"M in ny c o oks fin e," s a y o le M is s W alt e r. " I'm ju st n o t s o h ungry lik e I u se d to b e." Min ny n ear b out th e b est c o ok in H in d s C ounty , m ayb e e ven a ll a M is sis sip pi. T he J u nio r L eague Benefit c o m e a ro und e ver fa ll a nd th ey b e w antin g h er to m ak e te n c ara m el c ak es to a uctio n o ff. S he ought a b e th e m ost s o ught- a fte r h elp in th e s ta te . P ro ble m is , M in ny g o t a m outh o n h er. S he a lw ays ta lk in g b ack . O ne d ay it b e th e w hit e m anager a th e J it n ey J u ngle g ro cery , n ext d ay it b e h er husb and , a nd e ver d ay it 's g o ne b e th e w hit e la d y s h e w ait in g o n. T he o nly r e aso n s h e w ait in g o n Mis s W alt e r s o lo ng is M is s W alt e r b e d eaf a s a d oe-n o b.
"I th in k y o u'r e m aln utr it io ned , M am a," h o lle r M is s H illy . " T hat M in ny is n 't fe ed in g y o u s o th at s h e can s te al e very la st h eir lo om I h ave le ft." M is s H illy h uff o ut a h er c hair . " I'm g o in g to th e p ow der ro om . Y 'a ll w atc h h er in c ase s h e c o lla p se s d ead o f h unger." When M is s H illy g o ne, M is s W alt e r s a y r e al lo w , " I b et y o u'd lo ve th at." E verb ody a ct lik e th ey did n't h ear. I b ette r c all M in ny to nig ht, te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .
In th e k it c hen, B ab y G ir l's u p in h er h ig h c hair , g o t p urp le ju ic e a ll o ver h er fa ce. S oon a s I w alk in , sh e s m ile . S he d on't m ak e n o fu ss b ein g in h ere b y h ers e lf , b ut I h ate to le ave h er to o lo ng. I k no w sh e s ta re a t th at d oor r e al q uie t till I c o m e b ack .
I p at h er lit tle s o ft h ead a nd g o b ack o ut to p our th e ic e te a. M is s H illy 's b ack in h er c hair lo okin g a ll bow ed u p a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w .
"O h H illy , I w is h y o u'd u se th e g uest b ath ro om ," s a y M is s L eefo lt , r e arra ngin g h er c ard s. " A ib ile en doesn 't c le an in th e b ack u ntil a fte r lu nch." Hilly r a is e h er c hin u p . T hen s h e g iv e o ne a h er " a h-h em 's ." S he g o t th is w ay a c le arin g h er th ro at re al d elic ate -lik e th at g et e verb ody's a tte ntio n w it h o ut th ey e ven k no w in g s h e m ad e e m d o it .
"B ut th e g uest b ath ro om 's w here th e h elp g o es," M is s H illy s a y.
Nobody s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd . T hen M is s W alt e r n o d, lik e s h e e xp la in in g it a ll. " S he's u p se t cause th e N ig ra u se s th e in sid e b ath ro om a nd s o d o w e." Law , n o t th is m ess a gain . T hey a ll lo ok o ver a t m e s tr a ig hte nin g th e s ilv er d ra w er in th e s id eb oard and I k no w it 's tim e fo r m e to le ave. B ut b efo re I c an g et th e la st s p oon in th ere , M is s L eefo lt g iv e me th e lo ok, s a y, " G o g et s o m e m ore te a, A ib ile en." I g o lik e s h e te ll m e to , e ven th o ugh th ey c up s is fu ll to th e r im .
I s ta nd a ro und th e k it c hen a m in ute b ut I a in 't g o t n o th in g le ft to d o in th ere . I n eed to b e in th e d in in g ro om s o I c an fin is h m y s ilv er s tr a ig hte nin g. A nd I s till g o t th e n ap kin c ab in et to s o rt th ro ugh to day but it 's in th e h all, r ig ht o uts id e w here th ey s e ttin g. I d on't w ant a s ta y la te ju st c ause M is s L eefo lt pla yin g c ard s.
I w ait a fe w m in ute s, w ip e a c o unte r. G iv e B ab y G ir l m ore h am a nd s h e g o bble it u p . F in ally , I s lip out to th e h all, p ra y n o body s e e m e.
All fo ur o f e m g o t a c ig are tte in o ne h and , th ey c ard s in th e o th er. " E liz a b eth , if y o u h ad th e c ho ic e," I hear M is s H illy s a y, " w ould n't y o u r a th er th em ta k e th eir b usin ess o uts id e?" Real q uie t, I o pen th e n ap kin d ra w er, m ore c o ncern ed a b out M is s L eefo lt s e ein g m e th an w hat th ey sa yin g. T his ta lk a in 't n ew s to m e. E verw here in to w n th ey g o t a c o lo re d b ath ro om , a nd m ost th e ho use s d o to o. B ut I lo ok o ver a nd M is s S keete r's w atc hin g m e a nd I fr e eze , th in k in g I 'm a b out to get in tr o ub le .
"I b id o ne h eart," M is s W alt e r s a y.
"I d on't k no w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, fr o w nin g a t h er c ard s, " W it h R ale ig h s ta rtin g h is o w n b usin ess a nd ta x s e aso n n o t fo r s ix m onth s . . . th in gs a re r e al tig ht fo r u s r ig ht n o w ." Mis s H illy ta lk s lo w , lik e s h e s p re ad in g ic in g o n a c ak e. " Y ou ju st te ll R ale ig h e very p enny h e s p end s on th at b ath ro om h e'll g et b ack w hen y 'a ll s e ll th is h o use ." S he n o d lik e s h e a gre ein g w it h h ers e lf .
"A ll th ese h o use s th ey'r e b uild in g w it h o ut m aid 's q uarte rs ? I t's ju st p la in d angero us. E very b ody kno w s th ey c arry d if fe re nt k in d s o f d is e ase s th an w e d o. I d oub le ." I p ic k u p a s ta ck a n ap kin s. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut a ll a s u d den I w ant a h ear w hat M is s L eefo lt go ne s a y to th is . S he m y b oss. I g uess e verb ody w ond er w hat th ey b oss th in k a th em .
"It w ould b e n ic e," M is s L eefo lt s a y, ta k in g a lit tle p uff a h er c ig are tte , " n o t h avin g h er u se th e o ne in th e h o use . I b id th re e s p ad es." "T hat's e xactly w hy I 'v e d esig ned th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e," M is s H illy s a y. " A s a dis e ase -p re venta tiv e m easu re ." I'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w tig ht m y th ro at g et. I t's a s h am e I le arn ed to k eep d ow n a lo ng tim e a go .
Mis s S keete r lo ok r e al c o nfu se d . " T he H om e... th e w hat? " "A b ill th at r e q uir e s e very w hit e h o m e to h ave a s e p ara te b ath ro om fo r th e c o lo re d h elp . I 'v e e ven no tif ie d th e s u rg eo n g enera l o f M is sis sip pi to s e e if h e'll e nd ors e th e id ea. I p ass." Mis s S keete r, s h e fr o w nin g a t M is s H illy . S he s e t h er c ard s d ow n fa ceup a nd s a y r e al m atte r- a -fa ct, "M ayb e w e o ught to ju st b uild y o u a b ath ro om o uts id e, H illy ." And L aw , d o th at r o om g et q uie t.
Mis s H illy s a y, " I d on't th in k y o u o ught to b e jo kin g a ro und a b out th e c o lo re d s it u atio n. N ot if y o u want to s ta y o n a s e d it o r o f th e L eague, S keete r P hela n." Mis s S keete r k in d a la ugh, b ut I c an te ll s h e d on't th in k it 's fu nny. " W hat, y o u'd . . . k ic k m e o ut?
For d is a gre ein g w it h y o u?" Mis s H illy r a is e a e yeb ro w . " I w ill d o w hate ver I h ave to d o to p ro te ct o ur to w n. Y our le ad , M am a." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd d on't c o m e o ut a gain till I h ear th e d oor c lo se a fte r M is s H illy 's b ehin d .
WHEN I K NOW M is s H IL LY G O NE, I p ut M ae M oble y in h er p la yp en, d ra g th e g arb age b in o ut to th e s tr e et c ause th e tr u ck 's c o m in g b y to day. A t th e to p a th e d riv ew ay, M is s H illy a nd h er c ra zy mam a n ear b out b ack o ver m e in th ey c ar, th en y ell o ut a ll fr ie nd ly h o w s o rry th ey is . I w alk in th e ho use , g la d I a in 't g o t tw o n ew b ro ken le gs.
When I g o in th e k it c hen, M is s S keete r's in th ere . S he le anin g a gain st th e c o unte r, g o t a s e rio us lo ok on h er fa ce, e ven m ore s e rio us th an u su al. " H ey, M is s S keete r. I g et y o u s o m eth in g?" She g la nce o ut a t th e d riv e w here M is s L eefo lt 's ta lk in g to M is s H illy th ro ugh h er c ar w in d ow . " N o, I'm ju st . . . w ait in g." I d ry a tr a y w it h a to w el. W hen I s n eak a lo ok o ver, s h e's s till g o t h er w orrie d e yes o n th at w in d ow .
She d on't lo ok lik e o th er la d ie s, b ein g s h e s o ta ll. S he g o t r e al h ig h c heek bones. B lu e e yes th at tu rn dow n, g iv in g h er a s h y w ay a b out h er. I t's q uie t, e xcep t fo r th e lit tle r a d io o n th e c o unte r, p la yin g th e go sp el s ta tio n. I w is h s h e'd g o o n o ut a h ere .
"Is th at P re acher G re en's s e rm on y o u'r e p la yin g o n th e r a d io ?" s h e a sk .
"Y es m a'a m , it is ." Mis s S keete r k in d a s m ile . " T hat r e m in d s m e s o m uch o f m y m aid g ro w in g u p ." "O h I k new C onsta ntin e," I s a y.
Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes fr o m th e w in d ow to m e. " S he r a is e d m e, d id y o u k no w th at? " I n o d, w is h in g I h ad n't s a id n o th in g. I k no w to o m uch a b out th at s it u atio n.
"I'v e b een tr y in g to g et a n a d dre ss fo r h er fa m ily in C hic ago ," s h e s a y, " b ut n o body c an te ll m e anyth in g." "I d on't h ave it e it h er, m a'a m ." Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes b ack to th e w in d ow , o n M is s H illy 's B uic k . S he s h ak e h er h ead , ju st a lit tle . " A ib ile en, th at ta lk in th ere . . . H illy 's ta lk , I m ean . . ." I p ic k u p a c o ffe e c up , s ta rt d ry in g it r e al g o od w it h m y c lo th .
"D o y o u e ver w is h y o u c o uld ... c hange th in gs? " s h e a sk s.
And I c an't h elp m yse lf . I lo ok a t h er h ead o n. C ause th at's o ne a th e s tu p id est q uestio ns I e ver heard . S he g o t a c o nfu se d , d is g uste d lo ok o n h er fa ce, lik e s h e d one s a lt e d h er c o ffe e in ste ad a su gare d it .
I tu rn b ack to m y w ash in g, s o s h e d on't s e e m e r o llin g m y e yes. " O h n o , m a'a m , e verth in g's fin e." "B ut th at ta lk in th ere , a b out th e bath ro om --" a nd s m ack o n th at w ord , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e kit c hen.
"O h, th ere y o u a re , S keete r." S he lo ok a t u s b oth k in d a fu nny. " I'm s o rry , d id I . . . in te rru p t so m eth in g?" W e b oth s ta nd th ere , w ond erin g w hat s h e m ig ht a h eard .
"I h ave to r u n," M is s S keete r s a ys. " S ee y o u to m orro w , E liz a b eth ." S he o pen th e b ack d oor, s a y, "T hank s, A ib ile en, fo r lu nch," a nd s h e g o ne.
I g o in th e d in in g r o om , s ta rt c le arin g th e b rid ge ta b le . A nd ju st lik e I k new s h e w ould , M is s L eefo lt co m e in b ehin d m e w earin g h er u p se t s m ile . H er n eck 's s tic k in g o ut lik e s h e fix in g to a sk m e so m eth in g. S he d on't lik e m e ta lk in g to h er fr ie nd s w hen s h e a in 't a ro und , n ever h as. A lw ays w antin g to k no w w hat w e s a yin g. I g o r ig ht o n p ast h er in to th e k it c hen. I p ut B ab y G ir l in h er h ig h c hair a nd sta rt c le anin g th e o ven.
Mis s L eefo lt fo llo w m e in th ere , e yeb all a b uck et a C ris c o , p ut it d ow n. B ab y G ir l h o ld h er a rm s o ut fo r h er m am a to p ic k h er u p , b ut M is s L eefo lt o pen a c ab in et, a ct lik e s h e d on't s e e. T hen s h e s la m it c lo se , o pen a no th er o ne. F in ally s h e ju st s ta nd th ere . I 'm d ow n o n m y h and s a nd k nees. P re tty so on m y h ead 's s o fa r in th at o ven I lo ok lik e I 'm tr y in g to g as m yse lf .
"Y ou a nd M is s S keete r lo oked lik e y o u w ere ta lk in g a w fu l s e rio us a b out s o m eth in g." "N o m a'a m , s h e ju st... a sk in g d o I w ant s o m e o ld c lo th es," I s a y a nd it s o und lik e I 'm d ow n in a well- h o le . G re ase a lr e ad y w ork in g it s e lf u p m y a rm s. S m ell lik e a u nd era rm in h ere . D on't ta k e n o tim e fo re s w eat's r u nnin g d ow n m y n o se a nd e ver tim e I s c ra tc h a t it , I g et a p lu g a c ru d o n m y fa ce.
Got to b e th e w ors t p la ce in th e w orld , in sid e a o ven. Y ou in h ere , y o u e it h er c le anin g o r y o u g ettin g co oked . T onig ht I ju st k no w I 'm o n h ave th at d re am I 'm s tu ck in sid e a nd th e g as g ets tu rn ed o n. B ut I k eep m y h ead in th at a w fu l p la ce c ause I 'd r a th er b e a nyw here s id es a nsw erin g M is s L eefo lt 's questio ns a b out w hat M is s S keete r w as tr y in g to s a y to m e. A sk in g d o I w ant to ch ange th in gs.
Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt h uff a nd g o o ut to th e c arp ort. I fig ure s h e lo okin g a t w here s h e g o ne b uild me m y n ew c o lo re d b ath ro om .
ch ap te r 2 Y O U'D N EV ER K NOW I T liv in g h ere , b ut J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, b e fille d w it h tw o h und re d t h o usa nd p eo ple s. I s e e th em n um bers in th e p ap er a nd I g o t to w ond er, w here d o th em p eo ple s l iv e? U nd erg ro und ? C ause I k no w ju st a b out e verb ody o n m y s id e a th e b rid ge a nd p le nty a w hit e f a m ilie s to o, a nd th at s u re d on't a d d u p to b e n o tw o h und re d th o usa nd .
S ix d ays a w eek , I ta k e th e b us a cro ss th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge to w here M is s L eefo lt a nd a ll h er w hit e fr ie nd s liv e, in a n eig hb orh o od c all B elh aven. R ig ht n ext to B elh aven b e th e d ow nto w n a nd t h e s ta te c ap it a l. C ap it o l b uild in g is r e al b ig , p re tty o n th e o uts id e b ut I n ever b een in it . I w ond er w hat th ey p ay to c le an th at p la ce.
D ow n th e r o ad fr o m B elh aven is w hit e W oodla nd H ills , th en S herw ood F ore st, w hic h is m ile s a b ig l iv e o ak s w it h th e m oss h angin g d ow n. N obody liv in g in it y et, b ut it 's th ere fo r w hen th e w hit e fo lk s i s r e ad y to m ove s o m ew here e ls e n ew . T hen it 's th e c o untr y , o ut w here M is s S keete r liv e o n th e L ongle af c o tto n p la nta tio n. S he d on't k no w it , b ut I p ic k ed c o tto n o ut th ere in 1 931, d urin g th e D ep re ssio n, w hen w e d id n't h ave n o th in g to e at b ut s ta te c heese .
S o J a ck so n's ju st o ne w hit e n eig hb orh o od a fte r th e n ext a nd m ore s p rin gin g u p d ow n th e r o ad . B ut t h e c o lo re d p art a to w n, w e o ne b ig a nth ill, s u rro und ed b y s ta te la nd th at a in 't fo r s a le . A s o ur n um bers g et b ig ger, w e c an't s p re ad o ut. O ur p art a to w n ju st g ets th ic k er.
I g et o n th e n um ber s ix b us th at a fte rn o on, w hic h g o es fr o m B elh aven to F aris h S tr e et. T he b us t o day is n o th in g b ut m aid s h ead in g h o m e in o ur w hit e u nif o rm s. W e a ll c hattin g a nd s m ilin g a t e ach o th er lik e w e o w n it - -n o t c ause w e m in d if th ey's w hit e p eo ple o n h ere , w e s it a nyw here w e w ant to n o w th ank s to M is s P ark s--ju st c ause it 's a fr ie nd ly fe elin g.
I s p ot M in ny in th e b ack c ente r s e at. M in ny s h o rt a nd b ig , g o t s h in y b la ck c urls . S he s e ttin g w it h h er l e gs s p la yed , h er th ic k a rm s c ro sse d . S he s e vente en y ears y o unger th an I a m . M in ny c o uld p ro bab ly l if t th is b us u p o ver h er h ead if s h e w ante d to . O ld la d y lik e m e's lu ck y to h ave h er a s a fr ie nd .
I ta k e th e s e at in fr o nt a h er, tu rn a ro und a nd lis te n. E verb ody lik e to lis te n to M in ny.
" . . . s o I s a id , M is s W alt e rs , th e w orld d on't w ant a s e e y o ur n ak ed w hit e b ehin d a ny m ore th an t h ey w ant a s e e m y b la ck o ne. N ow , g et in th is h o use a nd p ut y o ur u nd erp ants a nd s o m e c lo th es o n." " O n th e fr o nt p orc h? N ak ed ?" K ik i B ro w n a sk .
" H er b ehin d h angin g to h er k nees." T he b us is la ughin g a nd c huck lin g a nd s h ak in g th ey h ead s.
" L aw , th at w om an c ra zy," K ik i s a y. " I d on't k no w h o w y o u a lw ays s e em to g et th e c ra zy o nes, M in ny." " O h, lik e y o ur M is s P atte rs o n a in 't ? " M in ny s a y to K ik i. " S ho ot, s h e c all th e r o ll a th e c ra zy la d y c lu b ." T he w ho le b us b e la ughin g n o w c ause M in ny d on't lik e n o body ta lk in g b ad a b out h er w hit e l a d y e xcep t h ers e lf . T hat's h er jo b a nd s h e o w n th e r ig hts . The b us c ro ss th e b rid ge a nd m ak e th e fir s t s to p in th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od. A d oze n o r s o m aid s get o ff. I g o s e t in th e o pen s e at n ext to M in ny. S he s m ile , b um p m e h ello w it h h er e lb ow . T hen s h e re la x b ack in h er s e at c ause s h e d on't h ave to p ut o n n o s h o w fo r m e.
"H ow y o u d oin g? Y ou h ave to ir o n p le ats th is m orn in g?" I la ugh, n o d m y h ead . " T ook m e a h o ur a nd a h alf ." "W hat y o u fe ed M is s W alt e rs a t b rid ge c lu b to day? I w ork ed a ll m orn in g m ak in g th at fo ol a c ara m el cak e a nd th en s h e w ould n't e at a c ru m b." That m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat M is s H illy s a y a t th e ta b le to day. A ny o th er w hit e la d y a nd n o o ne would c are , b ut w e'd a ll w ant a k no w if M is s H illy a fte r u s. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to p ut it .
I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l g o b y, th e fr u it s ta nd . " I th in k I h eard M is s H illy s a y so m eth in g a b out th at, b out h er m am a g ettin g s k in ny." I s a y th is c are fu l a s I c an. " S ay m ayb e s h e gettin g m al- n utr it io us." Min ny lo ok a t m e. " S he d id , d id s h e?" J u st th e n am e m ak e h er e yes n arro w . " W hat e ls e M is s H illy sa y?" I b ette r ju st g o o n a nd s a y it . " I th in k s h e g o t h er e ye o n y o u, M in ny. J u st . . . b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und her." "M is s H illy o ught to b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und me.
W hat s h e s a y, I c an't c o ok? S he s a y th at o ld b ag a bones a in 't e atin g c ause I c an't fe ed h er? " M in ny s ta nd u p , th ro w h er p urs e u p o n h er a rm .
"I'm s o rry , M in ny, I o nly to ld y o u s o y o u s ta y o ut a h er- -" "S he e ver s a y th at to m e, s h e g o ne g et a p ie ce a M in ny fo r lu nch." S he h uff d ow n th e s te p s.
I w atc h h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow , s to m pin g o ff to w ard h er h o use . M is s H illy a in 't s o m eb ody to m ess wit h . L aw , m ayb e I s h o uld a ju st k ep t it to m yse lf .
A C O UPLE M ORN IN GS L ATER , I g et o ff th e b us, w alk th e b lo ck to M is s L eefo lt 's h o use .
Park ed in fr o nt is a o ld lu m ber tr u ck . T hey's tw o c o lo re d m ens in sid e, o ne d rin k in g a c up a c o ffe e, th e o th er a sle ep s e ttin g s tr a ig ht u p . I g o o n p ast, in to th e k it c hen.
Mis te r R ale ig h L eefo lt s till a t h o m e th is m orn in g, w hic h is r a re . W henever h e h ere , h e lo ok lik e h e ju st c o untin g th e m in ute s till h e g et to g o b ack to h is a cco untin g jo b. E ven o n S atu rd ay. B ut to day h e carry in g o n b out s o m eth in g.
"T his is m y d am n h o use a nd I p ay fo r w hat g o ddam n g o es in it ! " M is te r L eefo lt y ell. Mis s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep u p b ehin d h im w it h th at s m ile th at m ean s h e a in 't h ap py. I h id e o ut in th e wash ro om . I t's b een tw o d ays s in ce th e b ath ro om ta lk c o m e u p a nd I w as h o pin g it w as o ver.
Mis te r L eefo lt o pens th e b ack d oor to lo ok a t th e tr u ck s e ttin g th ere , s la m it b ack c lo se a gain .
"I p ut u p w it h th e n ew c lo th es, a ll th e d am n tr ip s to N ew O rle ans w it h y o ur s o ro rit y s is te rs , b ut th is ta k es th e g o ddam n c ak e." "B ut it 'll in cre ase th e v alu e o f th e h o use . H illy s a id s o !" I 'm s till in th e w ash ro om , b ut I c an a lm ost hear M is s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep th at s m ile o n h er fa ce.
"W e c an't a ffo rd it ! A nd w e d o n o t ta k e o rd ers fr o m th e H olb ro oks!" Everth in g g et r e al q uie t fo r a m in ute . T hen I h ear th e pap-p ap a lit tle fe etu m p aja m as.
"D a-d ee?" I c o m e o ut th e w ash ro om a nd in to th e k it c hen th en c ause M ae M oble y's m y b usin ess.
Mis te r L eefo lt a lr e ad y k neelin g d ow n to h er. H e's w earin g a s m ile lo ok lik e it 's m ad e o ut a r u b ber.
"G uess w hat, h o ney?" She s m ile b ack . S he w ait in g fo r a g o od s u rp ris e .
"Y ou'r e n o t g o in g to c o lle ge s o y o ur m am a's fr ie nd s d on't h ave to u se th e s a m e b ath ro om a s th e maid ." He s to m p o ff a nd s la m th e d oor s o h ard it m ak e B ab y G ir l b lin k .
Mis s L eefo lt lo ok d ow n a t h er, s ta rt s h ak in g h er fin ger. " M ae M oble y, y o u k no w y o u'r e n o t su p pose d to c lim b u p o ut o f y o ur c rib !" Bab y G ir l, s h e lo okin g a t th e d oor h er d ad dy s la m med , s h e lo okin g a t h er m am a fr o w nin g d ow n a t her. M y b ab y, s h e s w allo w in g it b ack , lik e s h e tr y in g r e al h ard n o t to c ry .
I r u sh p ast M is s L eefo lt , p ic k B ab y G ir l u p . I w his p er, " L et's g o o n in th e liv in g r o om a nd p la y w it h th e ta lk in g to y. W hat th at d onk ey s a y?" "S he k eep s g ettin g u p . I p ut h er b ack in b ed th re e tim es th is m orn in g." "C ause s o m eb ody n eed s c hangin g. W ho ooow eeee." Mis s L eefo lt tis k , s a y, " W ell I d id n't r e aliz e . . ." b ut s h e a lr e ad y s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th e lu m ber tr u ck .
I g o o n to th e b ack , s o m ad I 'm s to m pin g. B ab y G ir l b een in th at b ed s in ce e ig ht o 'c lo ck la st n ig ht, a co urs e s h e n eed c hangin g! M is s L eefo lt tr y to s it in tw elv e h o urs w orth a b ath ro om m ess w it h o ut gettin g u p !
I la y B ab y G ir l o n th e c hangin g ta b le , tr y to k eep m y m ad in sid e. B ab y G ir l s ta re u p a t m e w hile I ta k e o ff h er d ia p er. T hen s h e r e ach o ut h er lit tle h and . S he to uch m y m outh r e al s o ft.
"M ae M o b een b ad ," s h e s a y.
"N o, b ab y, y o u a in 't b een b ad ," I s a y, s m ooth in g h er h air b ack . " Y ou b een g o od. R eal g o od." I L IV E O n G ESSU M A V EN UE, w here I b een r e ntin g s in ce 1 942. Y ou c o uld s a y G essu m g o t a lo t a p ers o nalit y . T he h o use s a ll b e s m all, b ut e very fr o nt y ard 's d if fe re nt- -so m e s c ru b by a nd g ra ssle ss lik e a b ald -h ead ed o ld m an. O th ers g o t a za le a b ush es a nd r o se s a nd th ic k g re en g ra ss. M y y ard , I re ck on it b e s o m ew here in b etw een.
I g o t a fe w r e d c am ellia b ush es o ut fr o nt a th e h o use . M y g ra ss b e k in d a s p otty a nd I s till g o t a b ig yello w m ark w here T re elo re 's p ic k up s a t fo r th re e m onth s a fte r th e a ccid ent. I a in 't g o t n o tr e es. B ut th e b ack yard , n o w it lo oks lik e th e G ard en o f E den. T hat's w here m y n ext- d oor n eig hb or, I d a P eek , go t h er v egeta b le p atc h.
Id a a in 't g o t n o b ack yard to s p eak o f w hat w it h a ll h er h usb and 's ju nk --c ar e ngin es a nd o ld re fr ig era to rs a nd tir e s. S tu ff h e s a y h e g o ne fix b ut n ever d o. S o I te ll I d a s h e c o m e p la nt o n m y s id e.
That w ay I d on't h ave n o m ow in g to te nd to a nd s h e le t m e p ic k w hate ver I n eed , s a ve m e tw o o r th re e d olla rs e ver w eek . S he p ut u p w hat w e d on't e at, g iv e m e ja rs fo r th e w in te r s e aso n. G ood tu rn ip g re ens, e ggp la nt, o kra b y th e b ush el, a ll k in d a g o urd s. I d on't k no w h o w s h e k eep th em b ugs out a h er to m ato es, b ut s h e d o. A nd th ey g o od.
That e venin g, it 's r a in in g h ard o uts id e. I p ull o ut a ja r a I d a P eek 's c ab bage a nd to m ato , e at m y la st slic e a le fto ver c o rn b re ad . T hen I s e t d ow n to lo ok o ver m y fin ances c ause tw o th in gs d one h ap pen:
th e b us g o ne u p to fif te en c ents a r id e a nd m y r e nt g o ne u p to tw enty -n in e d olla rs a m onth . I w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt e ig ht to fo ur, s ix d ays a w eek e xcep t S atu rd ays. I g et p aid fo rty -th re e d olla rs e ver Frid ay, w hic h c o m e to $ 172 a m onth . T hat m eans a fte r I p ay th e lig ht b ill, th e w ate r b ill, th e g as b ill, and th e te le p ho ne b ill, I g o t th ir te en d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents a w eek le ft fo r m y g ro cerie s, m y c lo th es, gettin g m y h air d one, a nd tit h in g to th e c hurc h. N ot to m entio n th e c o st to m ail th ese b ills d one g o ne up to a n ic k el. A nd m y w ork s h o es is s o th in , th ey lo ok lik e th ey s ta rv in g to d eath . N ew p air c o st se ven d olla rs th o ugh, w hic h m eans I 'm o n b e e atin g c ab bage a nd to m ato till I tu rn in to B r'e r R ab bit .
Thank th e L ord fo r I d a P eek , e ls e I b e e atin g n o th in g.
My p ho ne r in g, m ak in g m e ju m p. B efo re I c an e ven s a y h ello , I h ear M in ny. S he w ork in g la te to nig ht.
"M is s H illy s e nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t to fin d m yse lf a n ew jo b. A nd y o u kno w w hen s h e g o in g? N ext week .
" "O h no , M in ny." "I b een lo okin g, c all te n la d ie s to day. N ot e ven a s p eck a in te re st." I a m s o rry to s a y I a in 't s u rp ris e d . " I a sk M is s L eefo lt fir s t th in g to m orro w d o s h e k no w a nyb ody need h elp ." "H ang o n," M in ny s a y. I h ear o ld M is s W alt e r ta lk in g a nd M in ny s a y, " W hat y o u th in k I a m ? A chauffe ur? I a in 't d riv in g y o u to n o c o untr y c lu b in th e p ourin g r a in ." Sid es s te alin g, w ors e th in g y o u'n d o fo r y o ur c are er a s a m aid is h ave a s m art m outh . S till, s h e s u ch a g o od c o ok, s o m etim es it m ak es u p fo r it .
"D on't y o u w orry , M in ny. W e g o ne fin d y o u s o m eb ody d eaf a s a d oe-k no b, ju st lik e M is s W alt e r." "M is s H illy b een h in tin g a ro und fo r m e to c o m e w ork fo r h er." "W hat? " I ta lk s te rn a s I c an: " N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , M in ny, I s u p port y o u m yse lf fo re I le t y o u work fo r th at e vil la d y." "W ho y o u th in k y o u ta lk in g to , A ib ile en? A m onk ey? I m ig ht a s w ell g o w ork fo r th e K KK. A nd yo u k no w I n ever ta k e Y ule M ay's jo b a w ay." "I'm s o rry , L ord y m e." I ju st g et s o n erv o us w hen it c o m e to M is s H illy . " I c all M is s C aro lin e o ver o n Honeysu ck le , s e e if s h e k no w s o m eb ody. A nd I c all M is s R uth , s h e s o n ic e it n ear b out b re ak y o ur heart. U se d to c le an u p th e h o use e ver m orn in g s o I d id n't h ave n o th in g to d o b ut k eep h er co m pany. H er h usb and d ie d a th e s c arle t fe ver, m m-h m m." "T hank y o u, A . N ow c o m e o n, M is s W alt e rs , e at u p a lit tle g re en b ean fo r m e." M in ny s a y g o odbye and h ang u p th e p ho ne.
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, th ere th at o ld g re en lu m ber tr u ck is a gain . B angin g's a lr e ad y s ta rte d b ut Mis te r L eefo lt a in 't s to m pin g a ro und to day. I g uess h e k no w h e d one lo st th is o ne b efo re it e ven sta rte d .
Mis s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e k it c hen ta b le in h er b lu e-q uilt b ath ro be ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne. B ab y Gir l's g o t r e d s tic k y a ll o ver h er fa ce, h angin g o n to h er m am a's k nees tr y in g to g et h er lo ok a t h er.
"M orn in g, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y.
"M am a! M am a!" s h e s a y, tr y in g to c ra w l u p in M is s L eefo lt 's la p .
"N o, M ae M oble y." M is s L eefo lt n ud ge h er d ow n. " M am a's o n th e te le p ho ne. L et M am a ta lk ." "M am a, p ic k u p ," M ae M oble y w hin e a nd r e ach o ut h er a rm s to h er m am a. " P ic k M ae M o u p ." "H ush ," M is s L eefo lt w his p er.
I s c o op B ab y G ir l u p r ig ht q uic k a nd ta k e h er o ver to th e s in k , b ut s h e k eep c ra nin g h er n eck aro und , w hin in g, " M am a, Mam a ," tr y in g to g et h er a tte ntio n.
"J u st lik e y o u to ld m e to s a y it ." M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g in to th e p ho ne. " S om ed ay w hen w e m ove, it 'll ra is e th e v alu e o f th e h o use ." "C om e o n, B ab y G ir l. P ut y o ur h and s h ere , u nd er th e w ate r." But B ab y G ir l w rig glin g h ard . I 'm tr y in g to g et th e s o ap o n h er fin gers b ut s h e tw is tin g a nd tu rn in g and s h e s n ak e r ig ht o ut m y a rm s. S he r u n s tr a ig ht to h er m am a a nd s tic k o ut h er c hin a nd th en s h e je rk th e p ho ne c o rd h ard a s s h e c an. T he r e ceiv er c la tte r o ut a M is s L eefo lt 's h and a nd h it th e flo or.
"M ae M oble y!" I s a y.
I r u sh to g et h er b ut M is s L eefo lt g et th ere fir s t. H er lip s is c urle d b ack fr o m h er te eth in a s c ary sm ile . M is s L eefo lt s la p B ab y G ir l o n th e b ack a h er b are le gs s o h ard I ju m p fr o m th e s tin g.
Then M is s L eefo lt g ra b M ae M oble y b y th e a rm , je rk it h ard w it h e ver w ord . " D on't y o u to uch th is pho ne a gain , M ae M oble y!" s h e s a y. " A ib ile en, h o w m any tim es d o I h ave to te ll y o u to k eep h er aw ay fr o m m e w hen I a m o n th e p ho ne!" "I'm s o rry ," I s a y a nd I p ic k u p M ae M oble y, tr y to h ug h er to m e, b ut s h e b aw lin g a nd h er fa ce is re d a nd s h e fig htin g m e.
"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, it 's a ll r ig ht, e verth in g--" Mae M oble y m ak e a n u gly fa ce a t m e a nd th en s h e r e ar b ack a nd bow p ! S he w hack m e r ig ht o n th e e ar.
Mis s L eefo lt p oin t a t th e d oor, y ell, " A ib ile en, y o u b oth ju st g et out ." I c arry h er o ut th e k it c hen. I 'm s o m ad a t M is s L eefo lt , I 'm b it in g m y to ngue. I f th e fo ol w ould ju st pay h er c hild s o m e a tte ntio n, th is w ould n't h ap pen! W hen w e m ak e it to M ae M oble y's r o om , I s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair . S he s o b o n m y s h o uld er a nd I r u b h er b ack , g la d s h e c an't s e e th e m ad o n m y fa ce. I d on't w ant h er to th in k it 's a t h er.
"Y ou o kay, B ab y G ir l? " I w his p er. M y e ar s m artin g fr o m h er lit tle fis t. I 'm s o g la d s h e h it m e in ste ad a h er m am a, c ause I d on't k no w w hat th at w om an w ould a d one to h er. I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e r e d fin germ ark s o n th e b ack a h er le gs.
"I'm h ere , b ab y, A ib ee's h ere ," I r o ck a nd s o oth e, r o ck a nd s o oth e.
But B ab y G ir l, s h e ju st c ry a nd c ry .
ARO UN D L U N CHTIM E, w hen m y s to rie s c o m e o n te e-v ee, it g ets q uie t o ut in th e c arp ort. M ae Moble y's in m y la p h elp in g m e s tr in g th e b eans. S he s till k in d a fu ssy fr o m th is m orn in g. I r e ck on I am to o, b ut I d one p ush ed it d ow n to a p la ce w here I d on't h ave to w orry w it h it .
We g o in th e k it c hen a nd I fix h er b alo ney s a nd w ic h. I n th e d riv ew ay, th e w ork m en is s e ttin g in th ey tr u ck , e atin g th ey o w n lu nches. I 'm g la d fo r th e p eace. I s m ile o ver a t B ab y G ir l, g iv e h er a str a w berry , s o g ra te fu l I w as h ere d urin g th e tr o ub le w it h h er m am a. I h ate to th in k w hat w ould a hap pen if I w asn 't . S he s tu ff th e s tr a w berry in h er m outh , s m ile b ack . I th in k s h e fe el it to o.
Mis s L eefo lt a in 't h ere s o I th in k a b out c allin g M in ny a t M is s W alt e r, s e e if s h e fo und a ny w ork y et.
But b efo re I g et a ro und to it , th ey's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor. I o pen it to s e e o ne a th e w ork m en sta nd in g th ere . H e r e al o ld . G ot c o vera lls o n o ver a w hit e c o lla r s h ir t.
"H id ee, m a'a m . T ro ub le y o u fo r s o m e w ate r? " h e a sk . I d on't r e co gniz e h im . M ust liv e s o m ew here so uth a to w n.
"S ho n uff," I s a y.
I g o g et a p ap er c up fr o m th e c up board . I t's g o t h ap py b ir th d ay b allo ons o n it fr o m w hen M ae Moble y tu rn tw o. I k no w M is s L eefo lt d on't w ant m e g iv in g h im o ne a th e g la sse s.
He d rin k it in o ne lo ng s w allo w a nd h and m e th e c up b ack . H is fa ce b e r e al tir e d . K in d a lo neso m e in th e e yes.
"H ow y 'a ll c o m in g a lo ng?" I a sk .
"It's w ork ," h e s a y. " S till a in 't n o w ate r to it . R eck on w e r u n a p ip e o ut y o nd er fr o m th e r o ad ." "O th er fe lla n eed a d rin k ?" I a sk .
"B e m ig hty n ic e." H e n o d a nd I g o g et h is fr ie nd a lit tle fu nny-lo okin g c up to o, fill it u p fr o m th e s in k .
He d on't ta k e it to h is p artn er r ig ht a w ay.
"B eg a p ard on," h e s a y, " b ut w here . . ." H e s ta nd th ere a m in ute , lo ok d ow n a t h is fe et. " W here mig ht I g o to m ak e w ate r? " He lo ok u p a nd I lo ok a t h im a nd fo r a m in ute w e ju st b e lo okin g. I m ean, it 's o ne a th em fu nny th in gs. N ot th e h a-h a fu nny b ut th e fu nny w here y o u b e th in k in g: H uh. H ere w e is w it h tw o in th e ho use a nd o ne b ein g b uilt a nd th ey s till a in 't n o p la ce fo r th is m an to d o h is b usin ess.
"W ell . . ." I a in 't n ever b een in th is p osit io n b efo re . T he y o ung'u n, R obert, w ho d o th e y ard e ver tw o week s, I g uess h e g o fo re h e c o m e o ver. B ut th is fe lla , h e a o ld m an. G ot h eavy w rin k le d h and s.
Seventy y ears a w orry d one p ut s o m any lin es in h is fa ce, h e lik e a r o ad m ap .
"I s p ec y o u g o ne h ave to g o in th e b ush es, b ack a th e h o use ," I h ear m yse lf s a y, b ut I w is h it w ere n't me. " D og's b ack th ere , b ut h e w on't b oth er y o u." "A lr ig ht th en," h e s a y. " T hank y a." I w atc h h im w alk b ack r e al s lo w w it h th e c up a w ate r fo r h is p artn er.
The b angin g a nd th e d ig gin g g o o n th e r e st a th e a fte rn o on. All T H E N EX T D AY L O NG, th ey's h am merin g a nd d ig gin g g o in g o n in th e fr o nt y ard . I d on't a sk Mis s L eefo lt n o q uestio ns a b out it a nd M is s L eefo lt d on't o ffe r n o e xp la natio n. S he ju st p eer o ut th e back d oor e ver h o ur to s e e w hat's g o in g o n.
Thre e o 'c lo ck th e r a ck et s to ps a nd th e m ens g et in th ey tr u ck a nd le ave. M is s L eefo lt , s h e w atc h e m driv e o ff, le t o ut a b ig s ig h. T hen s h e g et in h er c ar a nd g o d o w hate ver it is s h e d o w hen s h e a in 't nerv o us b out a c o up le a c o lo re d m ens h angin g r o und h er h o use .
Afte r w hile , th e p ho ne r in g.
"M is s L eef- -" "S he te llin g e verb ody in to w n I 'm s te alin g! T hat's w hy I c an't g et n o w ork ! T hat w it c h d one tu rn ed me in to th e S m art- M outh ed C rim in al M aid a H in d s C ounty !" "H old o n, M in ny, g et y o ur b re ath --" "B efo re w ork th is m orn in g, I g o to th e R enfr o es' o ver o n S ycam ore a nd M is s R enfr o e n ear b out chase m e o ff th e p ro perty . S ay M is s H illy to ld h er a b out m e, e verb ody k no w I s to le a c and ela b ra fr o m M is s W alt e rs !" I c an h ear th e g rip s h e g o t o n th e p ho ne, s o und lik e s h e tr y in g to c ru sh it in h er h and . I h ear K in d ra ho lle r a nd I w ond er w hy M in ny a lr e ad y h o m e. S he u su ally d on't le ave w ork till fo ur.
"I a in 't d one n o th in g b ut fe ed th at o ld w om an g o od fo od a nd lo ok a fte r h er!" "M in ny, I k no w y o u h o nest. G od k no w y o u h o nest." Her v o ic e d ip d ow n, lik e b ees o n a c o m b. " W hen I w alk in to M is s W alt e rs ', M is s H illy b e th ere a nd sh e tr y to g iv e m e tw enty d olla rs . S he s a y, 'T ak e it . I k no w y o u n eed it ,' a nd I b out s p it in h er fa ce.
But I d id n't . N o s ir ." S he s ta rt m ak in g th is p antin g n o is e , s h e s a y, " I d id worse ." "W hat y o u d id ?" "I a in 't te llin g. I a in 't te llin g n o body a b out th at p ie . B ut I g iv e h er w hat s h e d ese rv e!" S he w ailin g n o w and I fe el a r e al c o ld fe ar. A in 't n o g am e c ro ssin g M is s H illy . " I a in 't n ever g o ne g et n o w ork a gain , Lero y g o ne k ill m e . . ." Kin d ra g ets to c ry in g in th e b ack gro und . M in ny h ang u p w it h o ut e ven s a yin g g o odbye. I d on't k no w what s h e ta lk in g a b out a p ie . B ut L aw , k no w in g M in ny, it c o uld n o t h ave b een g o od.
TH AT N IG HT, I p ic k m e a p oke s a la d a nd a to m ato o ut a I d a's g ard en. I fr y u p s o m e h am , m ak e a lit tle g ra vy fo r m y b is c uit . M y w ig b een b ru sh ed o ut a nd p ut u p , g o t m y p in k r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y sp ra yed th e G ood N uff o n m y h air . I b een w orrie d a ll a fte rn o on, th in k in g b out M in ny. I g o t to p ut it out a m y m in d if I 'm o n g et s o m e s le ep to nig ht.
I s e t a t m y ta b le to e at, tu rn o n th e k it c hen r a d io . L it tle S te vie W ond er's s in gin g " F in gertip s." B ein g co lo re d a in 't n o th in g o n th at b oy. H e tw elv e y ears o ld , b lin d , a nd g o t a h it o n th e r a d io . W hen h e done, I s k ip o ver P asto r G re en p la yin g h is s e rm on a nd s to p o n W BLA . T hey p la y th e ju k e jo in t blu es.
I lik e th em s m oky, liq uo r- d rin k in g s o und s w hen it g et d ark . M ak es m e fe el lik e m y w ho le h o use is fu ll a p eo ple . I c an a lm ost s e e e m , s w ayin g h ere in m y k it c hen, d ancin g to th e b lu es. W hen I tu rn o ff th e c eilin g lig ht, I p re te nd w e a t T he R aven. T hey's lit tle ta b le s w it h r e d -c o vere d lig hts . I t's M ay o r Ju ne a nd w arm . M y m an C ly d e fla sh m e h is w hit e -to oth ed s m ile a nd s a y Honey, y o u w ant y o u a drin k?
A nd I s a y, Bla ck M ary s tr a ig ht u p a nd th en I g et to la ughin g a t m yse lf , s e ttin g in m y k it c hen havin g th is d ayd re am , c ause th e r a cie st th in g I e ver ta k e is th e p urp le N ehi.
Mem phis M in ny g et to s in gin g o n th e r a d io h o w le an m eat w on't fr y , w hic h is a b out h o w th e lo ve don't la st. T im e to tim e, I th in k I m ig ht fin d m yse lf a no th er m an, o ne fr o m m y c hurc h. P ro ble m is , much a s I lo ve th e L ord , c hurc h-g o in g m an n ever d o a ll th at m uch fo r m e. K in d a m an I lik e a in 't th e kin d th at s ta ys a ro und w hen h e d one s p end in g a ll y o u m oney. I m ad e th at m is ta k e tw enty y ears a go .
When m y h usb and C ly d e le ft m e fo r th at n o -c o unt h ussy u p o n F aris h S tr e et, o ne th ey c all C oco a, I fig ure d I b ette r s h ut th e d oor fo r g o od o n th at k in d a b usin ess.
A c at g et to s c re echin g o uts id e a nd b rin g m e b ack to m y c o ld k it c hen. I tu rn th e r a d io o ff a nd th e lig ht b ack o n, fis h m y p ra yer b ook o ut m y p urs e . M y p ra yer b ook is ju st a b lu e n o te p ad I p ic k u p a t th e B en F ra nk lin s to re . I u se a p encil s o I c an e ra se till I g et it r ig ht. I b een w rit in g m y p ra yers s in ce I was in ju nio r h ig h. W hen I te ll m y s e venth -g ra d e te acher I a in 't c o m in g b ack to s c ho ol c ause I g o t to help o ut m y m am a, M is s R oss ju st a b out c rie d .
"Y ou'r e th e s m arte st o ne in th e c la ss, A ib ile en," s h e s a y. " A nd th e o nly w ay y o u'r e g o in g to k eep sh arp is to r e ad and w rit e e very d ay." So I s ta rte d w rit in g m y p ra yers d ow n in ste ad a s a yin g e m . B ut n o body's c alle d m e s m art s in ce.
I tu rn th e p ages a m y p ra yer b ook to s e e w ho I g o t to nig ht. A fe w tim es th is w eek , I th o ught a b out mayb e p uttin g M is s S keete r o n m y lis t. I 'm n o t r e al s u re w hy. S he a lw ays n ic e w hen s h e c o m e o ver.
It m ak es m e n erv o us, b ut I c an't h elp b ut w ond er w hat s h e w as g o ne a sk m e in M is s L eefo lt 's kit c hen, a b out d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. N ot to m entio n h er a sk in g m e th e w here ab outs a Consta ntin e, h er m aid g ro w in g u p . I k no w w hat h ap pen b etw een C onsta ntin e a nd M is s S keete r's mam a a nd a in 't n o w ay I 'm o n te ll h er th at s to ry .
The th in g is th o ugh, if I s ta rt p ra yin g fo r M is s S keete r, I k no w th at c o nvers a tio n g o ne c o ntin ue th e next tim e I s e e h er. A nd th e n ext a nd th e n ext. C ause th at's th e w ay p ra yer d o. I t's lik e e le ctr ic it y , it keep s th in gs g o in g. A nd th e b ath ro om s it u atio n, it ju st a in 't s o m eth in g I r e ally w ant to d is c uss. I s c an d ow n m y p ra yer lis t. M y M ae M oble y g o t th e n um ber o ne r u ng, th en th ey's F anny L ou a t churc h, a ilin g fr o m th e r h eum atis m . M y s is te rs I n ez a nd M ab le in P ort G ib so n th at g o t e ig hte en k id s betw een e m a nd s ix w it h th e flu . W hen th e lis t b e th in , I s lip in th at o ld s tin k y w hit e fe lla th at liv e behin d th e fe ed s to re , th e o ne lo st h is m in d fr o m d rin k in g th e s h o e p olis h . B ut th e lis t b e p re tty fu ll to nig ht.
And lo ok a th ere w ho e ls e I d one p ut o n th is lis t. B ertr in a B esse m er a a ll p eo ple ! E verb ody k no w Bertr in a a nd m e d on't ta k e to e ach o th er e ver s in ce s h e c all m e a n ig ga fo ol fo r m arry in g C ly d e um pte en y ears a go .
"M in ny," I s a y la st S und ay, " w hy B ertr in a a sk me to p ra y fo r h er? " We w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e o ne o 'c lo ck s e rv ic e. M in ny s a y, " R um or is y o u g o t s o m e k in d a p ow er pra yer, g ets b ette r r e su lt s th an ju st th e r e gula r v arie ty ." "S ay w hat? " "E ud ora G re en, w hen s h e b ro ke h er h ip , w ent o n y o ur lis t, u p w alk in g in a w eek . I s a ia h fe ll o ff th e co tto n tr u ck , o n y o ur p ra yer lis t th at n ig ht, b ack to w ork th e n ext d ay." Hearin g th is m ad e m e th in k a b out h o w I d id n't e ven g et th e c hance to p ra y fo r T re elo re . M ayb e th at's w hy G od to ok h im s o fa st. H e d id n't w ant a h ave to a rg ue w it h m e.
"S nuff W ash in gto n," M in ny s a y, " L olly J a ck so n--h eck , L olly g o o n y o ur lis t a nd tw o d ays la te r s h e pop u p fr o m h er w heelc hair lik e s h e to uched J e su s. E verb ody in H in d s C ounty k no w a b out th at one." "B ut th at a in 't m e," I s a y. " T hat's ju st p ra yer." "B ut B ertr in a--" M in ny g et to la ughin g, s a y, " Y ou k no w C oco a, th e o ne C ly d e r u n o ff w it h ?" "P hhh. Y ou k no w I n ever fo rg et h er." "W eek a fte r C ly d e le ft y o u, I h eard th at C oco a w ak e u p to h er c o otc hie s p oilt lik e a r o tte n o yste r.
Did n't g et b ette r fo r th re e m onth s. B ertr in a, s h e g o od fr ie nd s w it h C oco a. S he know y o ur p ra yer work s." My m outh d ro p o pen. W hy s h e n ever te ll m e th is b efo re ? " Y ou s a yin g p eo ple th in k I g o t th e b la ck magic ?" "I k new it m ak e y o u w orry if I to ld y o u. T hey ju st th in k y o u g o t a b ette r c o nnectio n th an m ost. W e all o n a p arty lin e to G od, b ut y o u, y o u s e ttin g r ig ht in h is e ar." My te ap ot s ta rt fu ssin g o n th e s to ve, b rin gin g m e b ack to r e al lif e . L aw , I r e ck on I ju st g o a head a nd put M is s S keete r o n th e lis t, b ut h o w c o m e, I d on't k no w . W hic h r e m in d s m e a w hat I d on't w ant a th in k a b out, th at M is s L eefo lt 's b uild in g m e a b ath ro om c ause s h e th in k I 'm d is e ase d . A nd M is s Skeete r a sk in g d on't I w ant to c hange th in gs, lik e c hangin g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o ne b e lik e changin g a lig htb ulb . I'm S TR IN GIN G B EA N S in M is s L eefo lt 's k it c hen a nd th e p ho ne r in gs. I 'm h o pin g it 's M in ny to sa y s h e fo und s o m eth in g. I d one c alle d e verb ody I e ver w ait e d o n a nd th ey a ll to ld m e th e s a m e th in g: " W e a in 't h ir in g." B ut w hat th ey r e ally m ean is : " W e a in 't h ir in g Min ny ." Even th o ugh M in ny a lr e ad y h ad h er la st d ay a w ork th re e d ays a go , M is s W alt e r c all M in ny in s e cre t la st n ig ht, a sk h er to c o m e in to day c ause th e h o use fe el to o e m pty , w hat w it h m ost th e fu rn it u re alr e ad y ta k en a w ay b y M is s H illy . I s till d on't k no w w hat h ap pen w it h M in ny a nd M is s H illy . I re ck on I d on't r e ally w ant to k no w .
"L eefo lt r e sid ence." "U m, h i. T his is . . ." T he la d y s to p, c le ar h er th ro at. " H ello . M ay I . . . m ay I p le ase s p eak to Eliz a b eth L eer- fo lt ? " "M is s L eefo lt a in 't h o m e r ig ht n o w . M ay I ta k e a m essa ge?" "O h," s h e s a y, lik e s h e g o t a ll e xcit e d o ver n o th in g.
"M ay I a sk w ho c allin g?" "T his is . . . C elia F oote . M y h usb and g ave m e th is n um ber h ere a nd I d on't k no w E liz a b eth , b ut . . .
well, h e s a id s h e k no w s a ll a b out th e C hild re n's B enefit a nd th e L ad ie s L eague." I k no w th is n am e, but I c an't q uit e p la ce it . T his w om an ta lk lik e s h e fr o m s o d eep in th e c o untr y s h e g o t c o rn g ro w in g in h er s h o es. H er v o ic e is s w eet th o ugh, h ig h-p it c h. S till, s h e d on't s o und lik e th e la d ie s r o und h ere do.
"I g iv e h er y o ur m essa ge," I s a y. " W hat's y o ur n um ber? " "I'm k in d o f n ew h ere a nd , w ell, th at's n o t tr u e, I 'v e b een h ere a p re tty g o od s tr e tc h, g o sh , o ver a year n o w . I ju st d on't r e ally k no w a nyb ody. I d on't . . . g et o ut to o m uch." She c le ar h er th ro at a gain a nd I 'm w ond erin g w hy s h e te llin g m e a ll th is . I 'm th e m aid , s h e a in 't g o ne win n o fr ie nd s ta lk in g to m e.
"I w as th in k in g m ayb e I c o uld h elp o ut w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit fr o m h o m e," s h e s a y.
I r e m em ber th en w ho s h e is . S he th e o ne M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt a lw ays ta lk in g tr a sh o n c ause sh e m arry M is s H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd .
"I g iv e h er th e m essa ge. W hat y o u s a y y o ur n um ber is a gain ?" "O h, b ut I 'm fix in g to s c o ot o ff to th e g ro cery s to re . O h, m ayb e I s h o uld s it a nd w ait ." "S he d on't r e ach y o u, s h e le ave a m essa ge w it h y o ur h elp ." "I d on't h ave a ny h elp . I n fa ct, I w as p la nnin g o n a sk in g h er a b out th at to o, if s h e c o uld p ass a lo ng th e n am e o f s o m eb ody g o od." "Y ou lo okin g fo r h elp ?" "I'm in a s tit c h tr y in g to fin d s o m eb ody to c o m e a ll th e w ay o ut to M ad is o n C ounty ." Well, w hat d o y o u k no w . " I k no w s o m eb ody r e al g o od. S he k no w n fo r h er c o okin g a nd s h e lo ok afte r y o u k id s to o. S he e ven g o t h er o w n c ar to d riv e o ut to y o u h o use ." "O h, w ell . . . I 'd s till lik e to ta lk to E liz a b eth a b out it . D id I a lr e ad y te ll y o u m y n um ber? " "N o m a'a m ," I s ig h. " G o h ead ." M is s L eefo lt n ever g o ne r e co m mend M in ny, n o t w it h a ll a M is s Hilly 's lie s.
She s a y, " It's M is su s J o hnny F oote a nd it 's E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e." Ju st in c ase I s a y, " A nd h er n am e is M in ny, s h e a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. Y ou g o t th at? " Bab y G ir l tu g o n m y d re ss, s a y, " T um -m y h urt," a nd s h e r u b bin g h er b elly .
I g et a n id ea. I s a y, " H old o n, w hat's th at M is s L eefo lt ? U h-h uh, I te ll h er." I p ut th e p ho ne b ack to my m outh a nd s a y, " M is s C elia , M is s L eefo lt ju st w alk in a nd s h e s a y s h e a in 't fe elin g g o od b ut fo r yo u to g o o n a nd c all M in ny. S he s a y s h e c all y o u if s h e b e n eed in g h elp w it h th e B enefit ." "O h! T ell h er I s a id th ank y o u. A nd I s u re d o h o pe s h e g ets to fe elin g b ette r. A nd to c all m e u p anytim e." "T hat's M in ny J a ck so n a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. H ang o n, w hat's th at? " I g et a co okie a nd g iv e it to M ae M oble y, fe el n o th in g b ut d elig ht a t th e d evil in m e. I a m ly in g a nd I d on't even c are .
I te ll M is s C elia F oote , " S he s a y d on't te ll n o body b out h er tip o n M in ny, c ause a ll h er fr ie nd s w ant a hir e h er a nd th ey b e r e al u p se t if th ey fin d o ut s h e g iv e h er to s o m eb ody e ls e ." "I w on't te ll h er s e cre t if s h e w on't te ll m in e. I d on't w ant m y h usb and to k no w I 'm h ir in g a m aid ." Well, if th at a in 't p erfe ct th en I d on't k no w w hat is .
Soon a s w e h ang u p , I d ia l M in ny q uic k a s I c an. B ut ju st a s I d o, M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e d oor.
This a r e al p re d ic am ent, s e e. I g ave th is M is s C elia w om an M in ny's n um ber a t h o m e, b ut M in ny work in g to day c ause M is s W alt e r lo nely . S o w hen s h e c all, L ero y g o ne g iv e h er M is s W alt e r n um ber cause h e a fo ol. I f M is s W alt e r a nsw er th e p ho ne w hen M is s C elia c all, th en th e w ho le jig is u p .
Mis s W alt e r g o ne te ll th is w om an e verth in g M is s H illy b een s p re ad in g a ro und . I g o t to g et to M in ny or L ero y b efo re a ll th is h ap pen. Mis s L eefo lt h ead b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd , ju st lik e I fig ure d , th e fir s t th in g s h e d o is tie u p th e pho ne. F ir s t s h e c all M is s H illy . T hen s h e c all th e h air d re sse r. T hen s h e c all th e s to re a b out a wed din g p re se nt, ta lk in g, ta lk in g, ta lk in g. S oon a s s h e h ang u p , s h e c o m e o ut a nd a sk w hat th ey havin g fo r s u p per th is w eek . I p ull o ut th e n o te b ook a nd g o d ow n th e lis t. N o, s h e d on't w ant p ork cho ps. S he tr y in g to g et h er h usb and to r e d uce. S he w ant s k ille t s te ak a nd g re en s a la d . A nd h o w many c alo rie s d o I s p ec th em m erin gue th in gie s h ave? A nd d on't g iv e n o m ore c o okie s to M ae Moble y c ause s h e to o fa t a nd --a nd --a nd -- Law ! F or a w om an w ho a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e b ut d o th is a nd u se th at b ath ro om , a ll a s u d den s h e ta lk in g to m e lik e I 'm h er b est fr ie nd . M ae M oble y's d ancin g a h o t- fo ot jig tr y in g to g et h er m am a to no tic e h er. A nd ju st w hen M is s L eefo lt a b out to b end d ow n to p ay h er s o m e a tte ntio n, w ho ops!
Mis s L eefo lt r u n o ut th e d oor c ause s h e fo rg o t s h e g o t a e rra nd to r u n a nd a b lo om in g h o ur d one passe d a lr e ad y.
I c an't m ak e m y fin gers g o r o und th at d ia l fa st e no ugh.
"M in ny! I g o t a jo b lin ed u p . B ut y o u g o t to g et to th e p ho ne--" "S he a lr e ad y c all. " M in ny's v o ic e is fla t. " L ero y g iv e h er th e n um ber." "S o M is s W alt e r a nsw er it ," I s a y.
"D eaf a s d oo-d oo a nd a ll a s u d den it 's lik e a m ir a cle fr o m G od, s h e h ear th e p ho ne r in gin g. I 'm go in g in a nd o ut a th e k it c hen, n o t p ayin g a tte ntio n, b ut a t th e e nd I h ear m y n am e. T hen L ero y c all and I k no w th at's w hat it w as." M in ny s o und w ore o ut, a nd s h e th e k in d th at d on't e ver g et tir e d .
"W ell. M ayb e M is s W alt e r d id n't te ll h er th em lie s M is s H illy s ta rte d . Y ou n ever k no w ." B ut e ven I ain 't fo ol e no ugh to b elie ve th is .
"E ven if s h e d id n't , M is s W alt e rs k no w a ll a b out h o w I g o t b ack a t M is s H illy . Y ou d on't k no w a b out th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d id . I d on't e ver w ant y o u to k no w . I 'm s u re M is s W alt e rs te ll th is w om an I'm n o th in g s h o rt a th e d evil h is se lf ." H er v o ic e s o und e erie . L ik e s h e a r e co rd p la yer g o in g to o s lo w .
"I'm s o rry . I w is h I c o uld a c alle d y o u e arlie r s o y o u c o uld p ic k u p th at p ho ne." "Y ou d one w hat y o u c an. N oth in g n o body c an d o fo r m e n o w ." "I b e p ra yin g fo r y o u." "T hank y o u," s h e s a y, a nd th en h er v o ic e b re ak d ow n. " A nd I th ank y o u fo r tr y in g to h elp m e." We h ang u p a nd I g o to m oppin g. T he s o und a M in ny's v o ic e s c are m e.
She a lw ays b een a s tr o ng w om an, a lw ays fig htin g. A fte r T re elo re d ie d , s h e c arry s u p per o ver to m e ever n ig ht fo r th re e m onth s s tr a ig ht. A nd e ver d ay s h e s a y, " N uh-u h, y o u a in 't le avin g m e o n th is so rry e arth w it h o ut y o u," b ut I te ll y o u, I w as s u re e no ugh th in k in g a b out it .
I a lr e ad y h ad th e r o pe tie d w hen M in ny fo und it . T he c o il w as T re elo re 's , fr o m b ack w hen h e d oin g a s c ie nce p ro je ct w it h p ulle ys a nd r in gs. I d on't k no w if I 's g o ne u se it , k no w in g it 's a s in a gain st God, b ut I w asn 't in m y r ig ht m in d . M in ny, th o ugh, s h e d on't a sk n o q uestio ns a b out it , ju st p ull it o ut fr o m u nd er th e b ed , p ut it in th e c an, ta k e it to th e s tr e et. W hen s h e c o m e b ack in , s h e b ru sh h er hand s to geth er lik e s h e c le anin g th in gs u p a s u su al. S he a ll b usin ess, th at M in ny. B ut n o w , s h e s o und bad . I g o t a m in d to c heck u nd er h er b ed to nig ht.
I p ut d ow n th e b uck et a S unsh in e c le aner th em la d ie s is a lw ays s m ilin g a b out o n th e te e-v ee. I g o t to se t d ow n. M ae M oble y c o m e u p h o ld in g h er tu m my, s a y, " M ak e it n o t h urt." She la y h er fa ce o n m y le g. I s m ooth h er h air d ow n o ver a nd o ver till s h e p ra ctic ally p urrin g, fe elin g th e lo ve in m y h and . A nd I th in k a b out a ll m y fr ie nd s, w hat th ey d one fo r m e. W hat th ey d o e ver d ay fo r th e w hit e w om en th ey w ait in g o n. T hat p ain in M in ny's v o ic e. T re elo re d ead in th e g ro und . I lo ok dow n a t B ab y G ir l, w ho I k no w , d eep d ow n, I c an't k eep fr o m tu rn in g o ut lik e h er m am a. A nd a ll o f it to geth er r o ll o n to p a m e. I c lo se m y e yes, s a y th e L ord 's p ra yer to m yse lf . B ut it d on't m ak e m e fe el a ny b ette r.
Law h elp m e, b ut s o m eth in g's g o ne h ave to b e d one.
BA BY G ir l H ug O n M Y L EG S a ll a fte rn o on to w here I b out fa ll o ver a fe w tim es. I d on't m in d .
Mis s L eefo lt a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e o r M ae M oble y s in ce th is m orn in g. B een w ork in g s o b usy o n th at s e w in g m achin e in h er b ed ro om . T ry in g to c o ver u p s o m eth in g e ls e s h e d on't lik e th e lo ok o f in th e h o use .
Afte r w hile m e a nd M ae M oble y g o in th e r e gula r liv in g r o om . I g o t a lo ad a M is te r L eefo lt 's s h ir ts to ir o n a nd a fte r th is I 'm o n g et a p ot r o ast g o in g. I c le aned th e b ath ro om s a lr e ad y, g o t th e s h eets changed , th e r u gs v acuum ed . I a lw ays tr y to fin is h u p e arly s o m e a nd B ab y G ir l c an s e t to geth er and p la y.
Mis s L eefo lt c o m e in a nd w atc h m e ir o nin g. S he d o th at s o m etim es. F ro w n a nd lo ok. T hen s h e sm ile r e al q uic k w hen I g la nce u p . P at u p th e b ack a h er h air , tr y in g to m ak e it p uffy .
"A ib ile en, I h ave a s u rp ris e fo r y o u." She s m ilin g b ig n o w . S he d on't h ave n o te eth s h o w in g, ju st a lip s m ile , k in d y o u g o t to w atc h.
"M is te r L eefo lt a nd I h ave d ecid ed to b uild y o u y o ur v ery o w n b ath ro om ." S he c la p h er h and s to geth er, d ro p h er c hin a t m e. " It's r ig ht o ut th ere in th e g ara ge." "Y es m a'a m ." W here s h e th in k I b een a ll th is tim e?
"S o, fr o m n o w o n, in ste ad o f u sin g th e g uest b ath ro om , y o u c an u se y o ur o w n r ig ht o ut th ere . W on't th at b e n ic e?" "Y es m a'a m ." I k eep ir o nin g. T ee-v ee's o n a nd m y p ro gra m 's fix in g to s ta rt. S he k eep s ta nd in g th ere lo okin g a t m e th o ugh.
"S o y o u'll u se th at o ne o ut in th e g ara ge n o w , y o u u nd ers ta nd ?" I d on't lo ok a t h er. I 'm n o t tr y in g to m ak e n o tr o ub le , b ut s h e d one m ad e h er p oin t.
"D on't y o u w ant to g et s o m e tis su e a nd g o o n o ut th ere a nd u se it ? " "M is s L eefo lt , I d on't r e ally h ave to g o r ig ht th is s e co nd ." Mae M oble y p oin t a t m e fr o m th e p la yp en, s a y, " M ae M o ju ic e?" "I g et y o u s o m e ju ic e, b ab y," I s a y.
"O h." M is s L eefo lt lic k h er lip s a fe w tim es. " B ut w hen y o u d o, y o u'll g o o n b ack th ere a nd u se th at one n o w , I m ean... o nly th at o ne, r ig ht? " Mis s L eefo lt w ear a lo t a m ak eup , c re am y-lo okin g s tu ff, th ic k . T hat y ello w is h m ak eup 's s p re ad acro ss h er lip s to o, s o y o u c an b are ly te ll s h e e ven g o t a m outh . I s a y w hat I k no w s h e w ant to h ear:
"I u se m y c o lo re d b ath ro om fr o m n o w o n. A nd th en I g o o n a nd C lo ro x th e w hit e b ath ro om a gain re al g o od." "W ell, th ere 's n o h urry . A nytim e to day w ould b e fin e." But b y th e w ay s h e s ta nd in g th ere fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g, s h e r e ally m ean fo r m e to d o it r ig ht no w .
I p ut th e ir o n d ow n r e al s lo w , fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in m y c hest, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r T re elo re die d . M y fa ce g o es h o t, m y to ngue tw it c hy. I d on't k no w w hat to s a y to h er. A ll I k no w is , I a in 't sa yin g it . A nd I k no w s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat s h e w ant a s a y e it h er a nd it 's a s tr a nge th in g h ap penin g here c ause n o body s a yin g n o th in g a nd w e s till m anagin g to h ave u s a c o nvers a tio n.
MIN NY ch ap te r 3 S TA N DIN G O n th at w hit e la d y's b ack p orc h, I te ll m yse lf , Tuck it in , M in ny.
T uck in w hate ver m ig ht fly o ut m y m outh a nd tu ck in m y b ehin d to o. L ook lik e a m aid w ho d oes w hat s h e's to ld . T ru th i s , I 'm s o n erv o us r ig ht n o w , I 'd n ever b ack ta lk a gain if it m eant I 'd g et th is jo b.
I y ank m y h o se u p fr o m s a ggin g a ro und m y fe et- -th e tr o ub le o f a ll fa t, s h o rt w om en a ro und th e w orld . T hen I r e hears e w hat to s a y, w hat to k eep to m yse lf . I g o a head a nd p unch th e b ell.
T he d oorb ell r in gs a lo ng bin g-b ong , fin e a nd fa ncy fo r th is b ig m ansio n o ut in th e c o untr y . I t lo oks l ik e a c astle , g ra y b ric k r is in g h ig h in th e s k y a nd le ft a nd r ig ht to o. W oods s u rro und th e la w n o n e very s id e. I f th is p la ce w as in a s to ry b ook, th ere 'd b e w it c hes in th o se w oods. T he k in d th at e at k id s.
T he b ack d oor o pens a nd th ere s ta nd s M is s M arily n M onro e. O r s o m eth in g k in to h er.
" H ey th ere , y o u'r e r ig ht o n tim e. I 'm C elia . C elia R ae F oote ." T he w hit e la d y s tic k s h er h and o ut to m e a nd I s tu d y h er. S he m ig ht b e b uilt lik e M arily n, b ut s h e a in 't r e ad y fo r n o s c re en te st. S he's g o t flo ur in h er y ello w h air d o. F lo ur in h er g lu e-o n e yela sh es.
A nd flo ur a ll o ver th at ta ck y p in k p ants u it . H er s ta nd in g in a c lo ud o f d ust a nd th at p ants u it b ein g s o t ig ht, I w ond er h o w s h e c an b re ath e.
" Y es m a'a m . I 'm M in ny J a ck so n." I s m ooth d ow n m y w hit e u nif o rm in ste ad o f s h ak in g h er h and . I d on't w ant th at m ess o n m e. " Y ou c o okin g s o m eth in g?" " O ne o f th o se u p sid ed ow n c ak es fr o m th e m agazin e?" S he s ig hs. " It a in 't w ork in g o ut to o g o od." I fo llo w h er in sid e a nd th at's w hen I s e e M is s C elia R ae F oote 's s u ffe re d o nly a m in o r in ju ry in th e f lo ur fia sc o . T he r e st o f th e k it c hen to ok th e r e al h it . T he c o unte rto ps, th e d oub le -d oor r e fr ig era to r, t h e K it c hen-A id m ix er a re a ll s it tin g in a b out a q uarte r- in ch o f s n o w flo ur. I t's e no ugh m ess to d riv e m e c ra zy. I a in 't e ven g o t th e jo b y et, a nd I 'm a lr e ad y lo okin g o ver a t th e s in k fo r a s p onge.
M is s C elia s a ys, " I g uess I h ave s o m e le arn in g to d o." " Y ou s u re d o," I s a y. B ut I b it e d ow n h ard o n m y to ngue.
Don't y o u g o s a ssin g t h is w hit e la dy lik e y o u d one t h e o th er. S asse d h er a ll t h e w ay t o t h e n ursin g h om e.
B ut M is s C elia , s h e ju st s m ile s, w ash es th e m uck o ff h er h and s in a s in k fu ll o f d is h es. I w ond er if m ayb e I 'v e fo und m yse lf a no th er d eaf o ne, lik e M is s W alt e rs w as. L et's h o pe s o .
" I ju st c an't s e em to g et th e h ang o f k it c hen w ork ," s h e s a ys a nd e ven w it h M arily n's w his p ery H olly w ood v o ic e, I c an te ll r ig ht o ff, s h e's fr o m way o ut in th e c o untr y . I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny s h o es o n, lik e s o m e k in d o f w hit e tr a sh . N ic e w hit e la d ie s d on't g o a ro und b are fo ot.
S he's p ro bab ly te n o r fif te en y ears y o unger th an m e, tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e, a nd s h e's r e al p re tty , b ut w hy's s h e w earin g a ll th at g o o o n h er fa ce? I 'll b et s h e's g o t o n d oub le th e m ak eup th e o th er w hit e la d ie s w ear. S he's g o t a lo t m ore b oso m to h er, to o. I n fa ct, s h e's a lm ost a s b ig a s m e e xcep t sh e's s k in ny in a ll th o se p la ces I a in 't . I ju st h o pe s h e's a n e ate r. B ecause I 'm a c o oker a nd th at's why p eo ple h ir e m e.
"C an I g et y o u a c o ld d rin k ?" s h e a sk s. " S et d ow n a nd I 'll b rin g y o u s o m eth in g." And th at's m y c lu e: s o m eth in g fu nny's g o in g o n h ere .
"L ero y, s h e g o t to b e c ra zy," I s a id w hen s h e c alle d m e u p th re e d ays a go a nd a sk ed if I 'd c o m e in te rv ie w , " c ause e verb ody in to w n th in k I s to le M is s W alt e rs ' s ilv er. A nd I k no w s h e d o to o c ause sh e c all M is s W alt e rs u p o n th e p ho ne w hen I w as th ere ." "W hit e p eo ple s tr a nge," L ero y s a id . " W ho k no w s, m ayb e th at o ld w om an g iv e y o u a g o od w ord ." I lo ok a t M is s C elia R ae F oote h ard . I 'v e n ever in m y lif e h ad a w hit e w om an te ll m e to s it d ow n s o sh e c an s e rv e m e a c o ld d rin k . S ho ot, n o w I 'm w ond erin g if th is fo ol e ven p la ns o n h ir in g a m aid o r if s h e ju st d ru g m e a ll th e w ay o ut h ere fo r s p ort.
"M ayb e w e b ette r g o o n a nd s e e th e h o use fir s t, m a'a m ." She s m ile s lik e th e th o ught n ever e nte re d th at h air s p ra yed h ead o f h ers , le ttin g m e s e e th e h o use I mig ht b e c le anin g.
"O h, o f c o urs e . C om e o n in y o nd er, M axie . I 'll s h o w y o u th e fa ncy d in in g r o om fir s t." "T he n am e," I s a y, " is M in ny." Mayb e s h e's n o t d eaf o r c ra zy. M ayb e s h e's ju st s tu p id . A s h in y h o pe r is e s u p in m e a gain .
All o ver th at b ig o le d oodie d u p h o use s h e w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd I fo llo w . T here a re te n r o om s dow nsta ir s a nd o ne w it h a s tu ffe d g riz zly b ear th at lo oks lik e it a te u p th e la st m aid a nd is b id in g fo r th e n ext o ne. A b urn ed -u p C onfe d era te fla g is fr a m ed o n th e w all, a nd o n th e ta b le is a n o ld s ilv er pis to l w it h th e n am e " C onfe d era te G enera l J o hn F oote " e ngra ved o n it . I b et G re at- G ra nd ad dy Foote s c are d s o m e s la ves w it h th at th in g.
We m ove o n a nd it s ta rts to lo ok lik e a ny n ic e w hit e h o use . E xcep t th is o ne's th e b ig gest I 'v e e ver been in a nd fu ll o f d ir ty flo ors a nd d usty r u gs, th e k in d fo lk s w ho d on't k no w a ny b ette r w ould s a y is worn o ut, b ut I k no w a n a ntiq ue w hen I s e e o ne. I 'v e w ork ed in s o m e fin e h o m es. I ju st h o pe s h e ain 't s o c o untr y s h e d on't o w n a H oover.
"J o hnny's m am a w ould n't le t m e d eco ra te a th in g. I h ad m y w ay, th ere 'd b e w all- to -w all w hit e c arp et and g o ld tr im a nd n o ne o f th is o ld s tu ff." "W here y o ur p eo ple fr o m ?" I a sk h er.
"I'm fr o m . . . S ugar D it c h." H er v o ic e d ro ps d ow n a lit tle . S ugar D it c h is a s lo w a s y o u c an g o in Mis sis sip pi, m ayb e th e w ho le U nit e d S ta te s. I t's u p in T unic a C ounty , a lm ost to M em phis . I s a w pic tu re s in th e p ap er o ne tim e, s h o w in g th o se te nant s h ack s. E ven th e w hit e k id s lo oked lik e th ey had n't h ad a m eal fo r a w eek .
Mis s C elia tr ie s to s m ile , s a ys, " T his is m y fir s t tim e h ir in g a m aid ." "W ell y o u s u re n eed o ne." Now , M in ny -- "I w as r e al g la d to g et th e r e co m mend atio n fr o m M is su s W alt e rs . S he to ld m e a ll a b out y o u. S aid yo ur c o okin g is th e b est in to w n." That m ak es z e ro s e nse to m e. A fte r w hat I d id to M is s H illy , r ig ht in fr o nt o f M is s W alt e rs to s e e?
"S he s a y... a nyth in g e ls e a b out m e?" But M is s C elia 's a lr e ad y w alk in g u p a b ig c urv in g s ta ir c ase . I fo llo w h er u p sta ir s , to a lo ng h all w it h su n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow s. E ven th o ugh th ere a re tw o y ello w b ed ro om s fo r g ir ls a nd a b lu e one a nd a g re en o ne fo r b oys, it 's c le ar th ere a re n't a ny c hild re n liv in g h ere . J u st d ust.
"W e'v e g o t fiv e b ed ro om s a nd fiv e b ath ro om s o ver h ere in th e m ain h o use ." S he p oin ts o ut th e win d ow a nd I s e e a b ig b lu e s w im min g p ool, a nd b ehin d th at, anoth er h o use . M y h eart th um ps hard .
"A nd th en th ere 's th e p oolh o use o ut y o nd er," s h e s ig hs.
I'd ta k e a ny jo b I c an g et a t th is p oin t, b ut a b ig h o use lik e th is s h o uld p ay p le nty . A nd I d on't m in d bein g b usy. I a in 't a fr a id to w ork . " W hen y o u g o ne h ave y o u s o m e c hillu ns, s ta rt fillin g u p a ll th ese bed s? " I tr y to s m ile , lo ok fr ie nd ly .
"O h, w e'r e g o nna h ave s o m e k id s." S he c le ars h er th ro at, fid gets . " I m ean, k id s is th e o nly th in g worth liv in g fo r." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er fe et. A s e co nd p asse s b efo re s h e h ead s b ack to th e s ta ir s . I fo llo w b ehin d , n o tic in g h o w s h e h o ld s th e s ta ir r a il tig ht o n th e w ay d ow n, lik e s h e's a fr a id s h e m ig ht fa ll.
It's b ack in th e d in in g r o om th at M is s C elia s ta rts s h ak in g h er h ead . " It's a n a w fu l lo t to d o," s h e sa ys. " A ll th e b ed ro om s a nd th e flo ors . . ." "Y es m a'a m , it 's b ig ," I s a y, th in k in g if s h e s a w m y h o use w it h a c o t in th e h all a nd o ne to ile t fo r s ix behin d s, s h e'd p ro bab ly r u n. " B ut I g o t lo ts a e nerg y." ". . . a nd th en th ere 's a ll th is s ilv er to c le an." She o pens u p a s ilv er c lo se t th e s iz e o f m y liv in g r o om . S he fix es a c and le th at's tu rn ed fu nny o n th e cand ela b ra a nd I c an s e e w hy s h e's lo okin g s o d oub tfu l.
Afte r th e to w n g o t w ord o f M is s H illy 's lie s, th re e la d ie s in a r o w h ung u p o n m e th e m in ute I s a id my n am e. I r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e b lo w .
Say it , la dy. S ay w hat y o u t h in kin g a bout m e a nd y o ur silv er.
I fe el lik e c ry in g th in k in g a b out h o w th is jo b w ould s u it m e fin e a nd w hat M is s H illy 's d one to keep m e fr o m g ettin g it . I fix m y e yes o n th e w in d ow , h o pin g a nd p ra yin g th is is n 't w here th e in te rv ie w e nd s.
"I k no w , th o se w in d ow s a re a w fu l h ig h. I n ever tr ie d to c le an th em b efo re ." I le t m y b re ath g o . W in d ow s a re a h eck o f a lo t b ette r s u b je ct fo r m e th an s ilv er. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o win d ow s. I c le an M is s W alt e rs ' to p to b otto m e ver fo ur w eek s." "D id s h e h ave ju st th e o ne flo or o r a d oub le d eck er? " "W ell, o ne . . . b ut th ey's a lo t to it . O ld h o use s g o t a lo t a n o oks a nd c ra nnie s, y o u k no w ." Fin ally , w e g o b ack in th e k it c hen. W e b oth s ta re d ow n a t th e b re ak fa st ta b le , b ut n eit h er o ne o f u s sit s . I 'm g ettin g s o jit te ry w ond erin g w hat s h e's th in k in g, m y h ead s ta rts to s w eat.
"Y ou g o t a b ig , p re tty h o use ," I s a y. " A ll th e w ay o ut h ere in th e c o untr y . L ot a w ork to b e d one." She s ta rts fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g. " I g uess M is su s W alt e rs ' w as a lo t e asie r th an th is w ould be. I m ean, it 's ju st u s n o w , b ut w hen w e g et to h avin g k id s . . ." "Y ou, u h, g o t s o m e o th er m aid s y o u c o nsid erin g?" She s ig hs. " A b unch h ave c o m e o ut h ere . I ju st h aven't fo und ... th e r ig ht o ne y et." S he b it e s o n h er fin gern ails , s h if ts h er e yes a w ay.
I w ait fo r h er to s a y I 'm n o t th e r ig ht o ne e it h er, b ut w e ju st s ta nd th ere b re ath in g in th at flo ur. F in ally , I p la y m y la st c ard , w his p er it b ecause it 's a ll I g o t le ft.
"Y ou k no w , I o nly le ft M is s W alt e rs c ause s h e g o in g u p to th e r e st h o m e. S he d id n't fir e m e." But s h e ju st s ta re s d ow n a t h er b are fe et, b la ck -so le d b ecause h er flo ors h aven't b een s c ru b bed sin ce s h e m oved in th is b ig o ld d ir ty h o use . A nd it 's c le ar, th is la d y d oesn 't w ant m e.
"W ell, " s h e s a ys, " I a p pre cia te y o u d riv in g a ll th is w ay. C an I a t le ast g iv e y o u s o m e m oney fo r th e gas? " I p ic k u p m y p ock etb ook a nd th ru st it u p u nd er m y a rm pit . S he g iv es m e a c heery s m ile I c o uld wip e o ff w it h o ne s w at.
Dam n th at H illy H olb ro ok.
"N o m a'a m , n o , y o u c anno t." "I k new it w as g o nna b e a c ho re fin d in g s o m eo ne, b ut . . ." I s ta nd th ere lis te nin g to h er a ctin g a ll s o rry b ut I ju st th in k , Get it o ver w it h , la dy, s o I c a n t e ll Lero y w e g ot t o m ove a ll t h e w ay t o t h e N orth P ole n ex t t o S anty C la us w here n obody's h ea rd Hilly 's lie s a bout m e.
". . . a nd if I w ere y o u I w ould n't w ant to c le an th is b ig h o use e it h er." I lo ok a t h er s q uare o n. N ow th at's ju st e xcusin g h ers e lf a lit tle to o m uch, p re te nd in g M in ny a in 't gettin g th e jo b c ause M in ny d on't want th e jo b.
"W hen y o u h ear m e s a y I d on't w ant a c le an th is h o use ?" "It's a lr ig ht, fiv e m aid s h ave a lr e ad y to ld m e it 's to o m uch w ork ." I lo ok d ow n a t m y h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound , fiv e-fo ot- ze ro s e lf p ra ctic ally b ustin g o ut o f m y unif o rm . " T oo m uch fo r m e?" She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " Y ou . . . y o u'll d o it ? " "W hy y o u th in k I d ro ve a ll th e w ay o ut h ere to k in gd om c o m e, ju st to b urn g as? " I c la m p m y m outh sh ut.
Don't g o r u ir n in g t h is n ow , s h e o ffe rin g y o u a j a y-o -b ee.
" M is s C elia , I b e h ap py to w ork fo r y o u." She la ughs a nd th e c ra zy w om an g o es to h ug m e, b ut I s te p b ack a lit tle , le t h er k no w th at's n o t th e kin d o f th in g I d o.
"H ang o n n o w , w e g o t to ta lk a b out s o m e th in gs fir s t. Y ou g o t to te ll m e w hat d ays y o u w ant m e here a nd ... a nd th at k in d a th in g." Lik e h ow m uch y o u p ayin g.
"I g uess . . . w henever y o u fe el lik e c o m in g," s h e s a ys.
"F or M is s W alt e rs I w ork S und ay th ro ugh F rid ay." Mis s C elia c hew s s o m e m ore o n h er p in k p in k y-n ail. " Y ou c an't c o m e h ere o n w eek end s." "A lr ig ht." I n eed th e d ays, b ut m ayb e la te r o n s h e'll le t m e d o s o m e p arty s e rv in g o r w hatn o t.
"M ond ay th ro ugh F rid ay th en. N ow , w hat tim e y o u w ant m e h ere in th e m orn in g?" "W hat tim e d o y o u w ant to c o m e in ?" I'v e n ever h ad th is c ho ic e b efo re . I fe el m y e yes n arro w u p . " H ow b out e ig ht. T hat's w hen M is s Walt e rs u se d to g et m e in ." "A lr ig ht, e ig ht's r e al g o od." T hen s h e s ta nd s th ere lik e s h e's w ait in g fo r m y n ext c heck er m ove.
"N ow y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e w hat tim e I g o t to le ave." "W hat tim e?" a sk s C elia .
I r o ll m y e yes a t h er. " M is s C elia , y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e th at. T hat's th e w ay it w ork s." She s w allo w s, lik e s h e's tr y in g r e al h ard to g et th is d ow n. I ju st w ant to g et th ro ugh th is b efo re s h e changes h er m in d a b out m e.
"H ow b out fo ur o 'c lo ck ?" I s a y. " I w ork e ig ht to fo ur a nd I g ets s o m e tim e fo r lu nch o r w hat- h ave- yo u." "T hat's ju st fin e." "N ow . . . w e g o t to ta lk b out p ay," I s a y a nd m y to es s ta rt w rig glin g in m y s h o es. I t m ust n o t b e much if fiv e m aid s a lr e ad y s a id n o .
Neit h er o ne o f u s s a ys a nyth in g.
"N ow c o m e o n, M is s C elia . W hat y o ur h usb and s a y y o u c an p ay?" She lo oks o ff a t th e V eg-O -M atic I b et s h e c an't e ven u se a nd s a ys, " J o hnny d oesn 't k no w ." "A lr ig ht th en. A sk h im to nig ht w hat h e w ants to p ay." "N o, J o hnny d oesn 't k no w I 'm b rin gin g in h elp ." My c hin d ro ps d ow n to m y c hest. " W hat y o u m ean h e d on't k no w ?" "I a m not te llin g J o hnny." H er b lu e e yes a re b ig , lik e s h e's s c are d to d eath o f h im .
"A nd w hat's M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd fin d a c o lo re d w om an u p in h is k it c hen?" "I'm s o rry , I ju st c an't - -" "I'll te ll y o u w hat h e's g o ne d o, h e's g o ne g et th at p is to l a nd s h o ot M in ny d ead r ig ht h ere o n th is n o - wax flo or." Mis s C elia s h ak es h er h ead . " I'm n o t te llin g h im ." "T hen I g o t to g o ," I s a y.
Shit . I k new it . I k new s h e w as c ra zy w hen I w alk ed in t h e d oor -- "It's n o t th at I 'd b e fib bin g to h im . I ju st n eed a m aid --" "A c o urs e y o u n eed a m aid . L ast o ne d one g o t s h o t in th e h ead ." "H e n ever c o m es h o m e d urin g th e d ay. J u st d o th e h eavy c le anin g a nd te ach m e h o w to fix s u p per and it 'll o nly ta k e a fe w m onth s--" My n o se p ric k le s fr o m s o m eth in g b urn in g. I s e e a w aft o f s m oke c o m in g fr o m th e o ven. " A nd th en what, y o u g o ne fir e m e a fte r th em fe w m onth s? " "T hen I 'll . . . te ll h im ," s h e s a y b ut s h e's fr o w nin g a t th e th o ught. " P le ase , I w ant h im to th in k I c an do it o n m y o w n. I w ant h im to th in k I 'm . . . w orth th e tr o ub le ." "M is s C elia . . ." I s h ak e m y h ead , n o t b elie vin g I 'm a lr e ad y a rg uin g w it h th is la d y a nd I h aven't work ed h ere tw o m in ute s. " I th in k y o u d one b urn ed u p y o ur c ak e." She g ra b s a r a g a nd r u sh es to th e o ven a nd je rk s th e c ak e o ut. " O ww! D aw go n it ! " I s e t m y p ock etb ook d ow n, s id le h er o ut o f th e w ay. " Y ou c an't u se n o w et to w el o n a h o t p an." I g ra b a d ry r a g a nd ta k e th at b la ck c ak e o ut th e d oor, s e t it d ow n o n th e c o ncre te s te p .
Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n a t h er b urn ed h and . " M is su s W alt e rs s a id y o u w ere a r e al g o od c o ok." "T hat o ld w om an e at tw o b utte rb eans a nd s a y s h e fu ll. I c o uld n't g et h er to e at n o th in g." "H ow m uch w as s h e p ayin g y o u?" "D olla r a n h o ur," I s a y, fe elin g k in d o f a sh am ed . F iv e y ears a nd n o t e ven m in im um w age.
"T hen I 'll p ay y o u tw o." And I fe el a ll th e b re ath s lip o ut o f m e.
"W hen M is te r J o hnny g et o ut th e h o use in th e m orn in g?" I a sk , c le anin g u p th e b utte rs tic k m elt in g rig ht o n th e c o unte r, n o t e ven a p la te u nd er it .
"S ix . H e c an't s ta nd to d o-d ad a ro und h ere v ery lo ng. T hen h e h ead s b ack fr o m h is r e al e sta te o ffic e ab out fiv e." I d o s o m e fig urin g a nd e ven w it h th e fe w er h o urs it 'd b e m ore p ay. B ut I c an't g et p aid if I g et s h o t dead . " I'll le ave a t th re e th en. G iv e m yse lf tw o h o urs c o m in g a nd g o in g s o I c an s ta y o ut a h is w ay." "G ood." S he n o ds. " It's b est to b e s a fe ." On th e b ack s te p , M is s C elia d um ps th e c ak e in a p ap er s a ck . " I'll h ave to b ury th is in th e w aste b in so h e w on't k no w I 'v e b urn ed u p a no th er o ne." I ta k e th e b ag o ut o f h er h and s. " M is te r J o hnny a in 't s e ein g n o th in g. I 'll th ro w it o ut a t m y h o use ." "O h, th ank y o u." M is s C elia s h ak es h er h ead lik e th at's th e n ic est th in g a nyo ne's e ver d one fo r h er.
She h o ld s h er h and s in tig ht lit tle fis ts u nd er h er c hin . I w alk o ut to m y c ar.
I s it in th e s a ggin g s e at o f th e F ord L ero y's s till p ayin g h is b oss tw elv e d olla rs e very w eek fo r. R elie f hit s m e. I h ave fin ally g o tte n m yse lf a jo b. I d on't h ave to m ove to th e N orth P ole . W on't S anty Cla us b e d is a p poin te d .
"S IT D O W N O n Y O UR B EH IN D, M in ny, b ecause I 'm a b out to te ll y o u th e r u le s fo r w ork in g in a Whit e L ad y's h o use ." I w as fo urte en y ears o ld to th e d ay. I s a t a t th e lit tle w ooden ta b le in m y m am a's k it c hen e yein g th at cara m el c ak e o n th e c o olin g r a ck , w ait in g to b e ic ed . B ir th d ays w ere th e o nly d ay o f th e y ear I w as allo w ed to e at a s m uch a s I w ante d .
I w as a b out to q uit s c ho ol a nd s ta rt m y fir s t r e al jo b. M am a w ante d m e to s ta y o n a nd g o to n in th gra d e--sh e'd a lw ays w ante d to b e a s c ho olt e acher in ste ad o f w ork in g in M is s W oodra 's h o use . B ut wit h m y s is te r's h eart p ro ble m a nd m y n o -g o od d ru nk d ad dy, it w as u p to m e a nd M am a. I a lr e ad y knew a b out h o use w ork . A fte r s c ho ol, I d id m ost o f th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. B ut if I w as g o in g off to w ork in s o m eb ody e ls e 's h o use , w ho 'd b e lo okin g a fte r o urs ?
Mam a tu rn ed m e b y th e s h o uld ers s o I 'd lo ok a t h er in ste ad o f th e c ak e. M am a w as a c ra ck -w hip . She w as p ro per. S he to ok n o th in g fr o m n o body. S he s h o ok h er fin ger s o c lo se to m y fa ce, it m ad e me c ro ss-e yed .
"R ule N um ber O ne fo r w ork in g fo r a w hit e la d y, M in ny: it is n o body's b usin ess. Y ou k eep y o ur n o se out o f y o ur W hit e L ad y's p ro ble m s, y o u d on't g o c ry in g to h er w it h y o urs --y o u c an't p ay th e lig ht bill? Y our fe et a re to o s o re ? R em em ber o ne th in g: w hit e p eo ple a re n o t y o ur fr ie nd s. T hey d on't want to h ear a b out it . A nd w hen M is s W hit e L ad y c atc hes h er m an w it h th e la d y n ext d oor, y o u keep o ut o f it , y o u h ear m e?
"R ule N um ber T w o: d on't y o u ev er le t th at W hit e L ad y fin d y o u s it tin g o n h er to ile t. I d on't c are if yo u'v e g o t to g o s o b ad it 's c o m in g o ut o f y o ur h air b ra id s. I f th ere 's n o t o ne o ut b ack fo r th e h elp , yo u fin d y o urs e lf a tim e w hen s h e's n o t th ere in a b ath ro om s h e d oesn 't u se .
"R ule N um ber T hre e--" M am a je rk ed m y c hin b ack a ro und to fa ce h er b ecause th at c ak e h ad lu re d me in a gain . " R ule N um ber T hre e: w hen y o u'r e c o okin g w hit e p eo ple 's fo od, y o u ta ste it w it h a dif fe re nt s p oon. Y ou p ut th at s p oon to y o ur m outh , th in k n o body's lo okin g, p ut it b ack in th e p ot, mig ht a s w ell th ro w it o ut.
"R ule N um ber F our: Y ou u se th e s a m e c up , s a m e fo rk , s a m e p la te e very d ay. K eep it in a s e p ara te cup board a nd te ll th at w hit e w om an th at's th e o ne y o u'll u se fr o m h ere o n o ut.
"R ule N um ber F iv e: y o u e at in th e k it c hen.
"R ule N um ber S ix : y o u d on't h it o n h er c hild re n. W hit e p eo ple lik e to d o th eir o w n s p ank in g." "R ule N um ber S even: th is is th e la st o ne, M in ny. A re y o u lis te nin g to m e? N o s a ss-m outh in g." "M am a, I k no w h o w --" "O h, I h ear y o u w hen y o u th in k I c an't , m utte rin g a b out h avin g to c le an th e s to vep ip e, a b out th e la st lit tle p ie ce o f c hic k en le ft fo r p oor M in ny. Y ou s a ss a w hit e w om an in th e m orn in g, y o u'll b e s a ssin g out o n th e s tr e et in th e a fte rn o on." I s a w th e w ay m y m am a a cte d w hen M is s W oodra b ro ught h er h o m e, a ll Y es M a'a m in g, N o Ma'a m in g, I s u re d o th ank y o u M a'a m in g.
Why I g ot t o b e lik e t h at? I k now h ow t o s ta nd u p t o peo ple .
"N ow c o m e h ere a nd g iv e y o ur m am a a h ug o n y o ur b ir th d ay--L ord , y o u a re h eavy a s a h o use , Min ny." "I a in 't e ate n a ll d ay, w hen c an I h ave m y c ak e?" "D on't s a y a in 't , y o u s p eak p ro perly n o w . I d id n't r a is e y o u to ta lk lik e a m ule ." Fir s t d ay a t m y W hit e L ad y's h o use , I a te m y h am s a nd w ic h in th e k it c hen, p ut m y p la te u p in m y sp ot in th e c up board . W hen th at lit tle b ra t s to le m y p ock etb ook a nd h id it in th e o ven, I d id n't who op h er o n th e b ehin d .
But w hen th e W hit e L ad y s a id : " N ow I w ant y o u to b e s u re a nd h and w ash a ll th e c lo th es fir s t, th en put th em in th e e le ctr ic m achin e to fin is h u p ." I s a id : " W hy I g o t to h and w ash w hen th e p ow er w ash er g o ne d o th e jo b? T hat's th e b ig gest w aste a tim e I e ver h eard o f." That W hit e L ad y s m ile d a t m e, a nd fiv e m in ute s la te r, I w as o ut o n th e s tr e et.
WORK IN G F O R M is s C ELIA , I 'll g et to s e e m y k id s o ff to S pann E le m enta ry in th e m orn in g a nd still g et h o m e in th e e venin g w it h tim e to m yse lf . I h aven't h ad a n ap s in ce K in d ra w as b orn in 1 957, but w it h th ese h o urs --e ig ht to th re e--I c o uld h ave o ne e very d ay if th at w as m y id ea o f a fin e tim e.
Sin ce n o b us g o es a ll th e w ay o ut to M is s C elia 's , I h ave to ta k e L ero y's c ar.
"Y ou a in 't ta k in g m y c ar e very d ay, w om an, w hat if I g et th e d ay s h if t a nd n eed to --" "S he p ayin g m e s e venty d olla rs c ash e very F rid ay, L ero y." "M ayb e I ta k e S ugar's b ik e." On T uesd ay, th e d ay a fte r th e in te rv ie w , I p ark th e c ar d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m M is s C elia 's h o use , aro und a c urv e s o y o u c an't s e e it . I w alk fa st o n th e e m pty r o ad a nd u p th e d riv e. N o o th er c ars co m e b y.
"I'm h ere , M is s C elia ." I s tic k m y h ead in h er b ed ro om th at fir s t m orn in g a nd th ere s h e is , p ro pped up o n th e c o vers w it h h er m ak eup p erfe ct a nd h er tig ht F rid ay-n ig ht c lo th es o n e ven th o ugh it 's Tuesd ay, r e ad in g th e tr a sh in th e Holly w ood D ig est lik e it 's th e H oly B .
"G ood m orn in g, M in ny! I t's r e al g o od to s e e y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd I b ris tle , h earin g a w hit e la d y b ein g so fr ie nd ly .
I lo ok a ro und th e b ed ro om , s iz in g u p th e jo b. I t's b ig , w it h c re am -c o lo re d c arp et, a y ello w k in g cano py b ed , tw o fa t y ello w c hair s . A nd it 's n eat, w it h n o c lo th es o n th e flo or. T he s p re ad 's m ad e u p und ern eath h er. T he b la nk et o n th e c hair 's fo ld ed n ic e. B ut I w atc h, I lo ok. I c an fe el it . S om eth in g's wro ng.
"W hen c an w e g et to o ur fir s t c o okin g le sso n?" s h e a sk s. " C an w e s ta rt to day?" "I r e ck on in a fe w d ays, a fte r y o u g o to th e s to re a nd p ic k u p w hat w e n eed ." She th in k s a b out th is a s e co nd , s a ys, " M ayb e y o u o ught to g o , M in ny, s in ce y o u k no w w hat to b uy and a ll. " I lo ok a t h er. M ost w hit e w om en lik e to d o th eir o w n s h o ppin g. " A lr ig ht, I g o in th e m orn in g, th en." I s p ot a s m all p in k s h ag r u g s h e's p ut o n to p o f th e c arp et n ext to th e b ath ro om d oor. K in d o f c atty - co rn ere d . I 'm n o d eco ra to r, b ut I k no w a p in k r u g d oesn 't m atc h a y ello w r o om .
"M is s C elia , fo re I g et g o in g h ere , I n eed to k no w . E xactly w hen y o u p la nnin g o n te llin g M is te r Jo hnny b out m e?" She e yes th e m agazin e in h er la p . " In a fe w m onth s, I r e ck on. I o ught to k no w h o w to c o ok a nd s tu ff by th en." "B y a fe w , is y o u m eanin g tw o?" She b it e s h er lip stic k y lip s. " I w as th in k in g m ore lik e . . . fo ur." Say w hat?
I 'm n o t w ork in g fo ur m onth s lik e a n e sc ap ed c rim in al. " Y ou a in 't g o ne te ll h im till 1 963?
No m a'a m , befo re C hris tm as." She s ig hs. " A lr ig ht. B ut r ig ht b efo re ." I d o s o m e fig urin g. " T hat's a h und re d a nd . . . s ix te en d ays th en. Y ou g o ne te ll h im . A h und re d a nd six te en d ays fr o m n o w ." She g iv es m e a w orrie d fr o w n. I g uess s h e d id n't e xp ect th e m aid to b e s o g o od a t m ath . F in ally s h e sa ys, " O kay." Then I te ll h er s h e n eed s to g o o n in th e liv in g r o om , le t m e d o m y w ork in h ere . W hen s h e's g o ne, I eyeb all th e r o om , a t h o w n eat it a ll lo oks. R eal s lo w , I o pen h er c lo se t a nd ju st lik e I th o ught, fo rty - fiv e th in gs fa ll d ow n o n m y h ead . T hen I lo ok u nd er th e b ed a nd fin d e no ugh d ir ty c lo th es to w here I bet s h e's h asn 't w ash ed in m onth s.
Every d ra w er is a w re ck , e very h id den c ra nny fu ll o f d ir ty c lo th es a nd w ad ded -u p s to ck in gs. I fin d fif te en b oxes o f n ew s h ir ts fo r M is te r J o hnny s o h e w on't k no w s h e c an't w ash a nd ir o n. F in ally , I lif t up th at fu nny-lo okin g p in k s h ag r u g. U nd ern eath , th ere 's a b ig , d eep s ta in th e c o lo r o f r u st. I sh ud der.
TH AT A FTER N OON, M is s C elia a nd I m ak e a lis t o f w hat to c o ok th at w eek , a nd th e n ext morn in g I d o th e g ro cery s h o ppin g. B ut it ta k es m e tw ic e a s lo ng b ecause I h ave to d riv e a ll th e w ay to th e w hit e J it n ey J u ngle in to w n in ste ad o f th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly b y m e s in ce I fig ure s h e w on't eat fo od fr o m a c o lo re d g ro cery s to re a nd I r e ck on I d on't b la m e h er, w it h th e p ota to es h avin g in ch- lo ng e yes a nd th e m ilk a lm ost s o ur. W hen I g et to w ork , I 'm r e ad y to fig ht w it h h er o ver a ll th e re aso ns I 'm la te , b ut th ere M is s C elia is o n th e b ed lik e b efo re , s m ilin g lik e it d oesn 't m atte r. A ll dre sse d u p a nd g o in g n o w here . F or fiv e h o urs s h e s it s th ere , r e ad in g th e m agazin es. T he o nly tim e I se e h er g et u p is fo r a g la ss o f m ilk o r to p ee. B ut I d on't a sk . I 'm ju st th e m aid .
Afte r I c le an th e k it c hen, I g o in th e fo rm al liv in g r o om . I s to p in th e d oorw ay a nd g iv e th at g riz zly bear a g o od lo ng s ta re . H e's s e ven fe et ta ll a nd b arin g h is te eth . H is c la w s a re lo ng, c urle d , w it c hy- lo okin g. A t h is fe et la ys a b one-h and le d h untin g k nif e . I g et c lo se r a nd s e e h is fu r's n ap py w it h d ust.
There 's a c o bw eb b etw een h is ja w s.
Fir s t, I s w at a t th e d ust w it h m y b ro om , b ut it 's th ic k , m atte d u p in h is fu r. A ll th is d oes is m ove th e dust a ro und . S o I ta k e a c lo th a nd tr y a nd w ip e h im d ow n, b ut I s q uaw k e very tim e th at w ir y h air to uches m y h and .
Whit e p eo ple . I m ean, I h ave c le aned e very th in g fr o m r e fr ig era to rs to r e ar e nd s but w hat m ak es th at la d y th in k I k no w h o w to c le an a d am n g riz zly b ear?
I g o g et th e H oover. I s u ck th e d ir t o ff a nd e xcep t fo r a fe w s p ots w here I s u ck ed to o h ard a nd th in ned h im , I th in k it w ork ed o ut p re tty g o od.
Afte r I 'm d one w it h th e b ear, I d ust th e fa ncy b ooks n o body r e ad s, th e C onfe d era te c o at b utto ns, th e s ilv er p is to l. O n a ta b le is a g o ld p ic tu re fr a m e o f M is s C elia a nd M is te r J o hnny a t th e a lt a r a nd I lo ok c lo se to s e e w hat k in d o f m an h e is . I 'm h o pin g h e's fa t a nd s h o rt- le gged in c ase it c o m es to ru nnin g, b ut h e's n o t a nyw here c lo se . H e's s tr o ng, ta ll, th ic k . A nd h e's n o s tr a nger e it h er. L ord . H e's th e o ne w ho w ent s te ad y w it h M is s H illy a ll th o se y ears w hen I fir s t w ork ed fo r M is s W alt e rs . I never m et h im , b ut I s a w h im e no ugh tim es to b e s u re . I s h iv er, m y fe ars tr ip lin g. B ecause th at a lo ne sa ys m ore a b out th at m an th an a nyth in g.
AT O NE O 'C LO CK , M is s C elia c o m es in th e k it c hen a nd s a ys s h e's r e ad y fo r h er fir s t c o okin g le sso n. S he s e ttle s o n a s to ol. S he's w earin g a tig ht r e d s w eate r a nd a r e d s k ir t a nd e no ugh m ak eup to s c are a h o oker.
"W hat y o u k no w h o w to c o ok a lr e ad y?" I a sk .
She th in k s th is o ver, w rin k lin g h er fo re head . " M ayb e w e c o uld ju st s ta rt a t th e b egin nin g." "M ust b e s o m eth in g y o u k no w . W hat y o ur m am a te ach y o u g ro w in g u p ?" She lo oks d ow n a t th e w eb by fe et o f h er p anty h o se , s a ys, " I c an c o ok c o rn p one." I c an't h elp b ut la ugh. " W hat e ls e y o u k no w h o w to d o s id es c o rn p one?" "I c an b oil p ota to es." H er v o ic e d ro ps e ven q uie te r. " A nd I c an d o g rit s . W e d id n't h ave e le ctr ic curre nt o ut w here I liv ed . B ut I 'm r e ad y to le arn r ig ht. O n a r e al s to veto p." Lord . I 'v e n ever m et a w hit e p ers o n w ors e o ff th an m e e xcep t fo r c ra zy M is te r W ally , liv es b ehin d th e C anto n fe ed s to re a nd e ats th e c at fo od.
"Y ou b een fe ed in g y o ur h usb and g rit s a nd c o rn p one e ver d ay?" Mis s C elia n o ds. " B ut y o u'll te ach m e to c o ok r ig ht, w on't y o u?" "I'll tr y ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever to ld a w hit e w om an w hat to d o a nd I d on't r e ally k no w h o w to sta rt. I p ull u p m y h o se , th in k a b out it . F in ally , I p oin t to th e c an o n th e c o unte r.
"I r e ck on if th ere 's a nyth in g y o u o ught a k no w a b out c o okin g, it 's th is ." "T hat's ju st la rd , a in 't it ? " "N o, it a in 't ju st la rd ," I s a y. " It's th e m ost im porta nt in ventio n in th e k it c hen s in ce ja rre d mayo nnais e ." "W hat's s o s p ecia l a b out" - -sh e w rin k le s h er n o se a t it - -"p ig fa t? " "A in 't pig , it 's v egeta b le ." W ho in th is w orld d oesn 't k no w w hat C ris c o is ? " Y ou d on't h ave a c lu e o f all th e th in gs y o u c an d o w it h th is h ere c an." She s h ru gs. " F ry ?" "A in 't ju st fo r fr y in g. Y ou e ver g et a s tic k y s o m eth in g s tu ck in y o ur h air , lik e g um ?" I ja ck ham mer m y fin ger o n th e C ris c o c an. " T hat's r ig ht, C ris c o . S pre ad th is o n a b ab y's b otto m , y o u w on't e ven kno w w hat d ia p er r a sh is ." I p lo p th re e s c o ops in th e b la ck s k ille t. " S ho ot, I s e en la d ie s r u b it u nd er th ey e yes a nd o n th ey h usb and 's s c aly fe et." "L ook h o w p re tty it is ," s h e s a ys. " L ik e w hit e c ak e fr o stin g." "C le an th e g o o fr o m a p ric e ta g, ta k e th e s q ueak o ut a d oor h in ge. L ig hts g et c ut o ff, s tic k a w ic k in it a nd b urn it lik e a c and le ." I tu rn o n th e fla m e a nd w e w atc h it m elt d ow n in th e p an. " A nd a fte r a ll th at, it 'll s till fr y y o ur chic k en." "A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys, c o ncentr a tin g h ard . " W hat's n ext? " "C hic k en's b een s o ak in g in th e b utte rm ilk ," I s a y. " N ow m ix u p th e d ry ." I p our flo ur, s a lt , m ore s a lt , pep per, p ap rik a, a nd a p in ch o f c ayenne in to a d oub le d p ap er s a ck .
"N ow . P ut th e c hic k en p arts in th e b ag a nd s h ak e it ." Mis s C elia p uts a r a w c hic k en th ig h in , b um ps th e b ag a ro und . " L ik e th is ? J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n Bak e c o m merc ia ls o n th e te e-v ee?" "Y eah," I s a y a nd r u n m y to ngue u p o ver m y te eth b ecause if th at's n o t a n in su lt , I d on't k no w w hat is . " J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n B ak e." B ut th en I fr e eze . I h ear th e s o und o f a c ar m oto r o ut o n th e r o ad . I ho ld s till a nd lis te n. I s e e M is s C elia 's e yes a re b ig a nd s h e's lis te nin g to o. W e'r e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: W hat if it 's h im a nd w here w ill I h id e?
The c ar m oto r p asse s. W e b oth b re ath e a gain .
"M is s C elia ," I g rit m y te eth , " h o w c o m e y o u c an't te ll y o ur h usb and a b out m e? A in 't h e g o ne k no w when th e c o okin g g ets g o od?" "O h, I d id n't th in k o f th at! M ayb e w e o ught to b urn th e c hic k en a lit tle ." I lo ok a t h er s id ew ays. I a in 't b urn in g n o c hic k en. S he d id n't a nsw er th e r e al q uestio n, b ut I 'll g et it out o f h er s o on e no ugh.
Real c are fu l, I la y th e d ark m eat in th e p an. I t b ub ble s u p lik e a s o ng a nd w e w atc h th e th ig hs a nd le gs tu rn b ro w n. I lo ok o ver a nd M is s C elia 's s m ilin g a t m e.
"W hat? S om eth in g o n m y fa ce?" "N o," s h e s a ys, te ars c o m in g u p in h er e yes. S he to uches m y a rm . " I'm ju st r e al g ra te fu l y o u'r e h ere ." I m ove m y a rm b ack fr o m u nd er h er h and . " M is s C elia , y o u g o t a lo t m ore to b e g ra te fu l fo r th an me." "I k no w ." S he lo oks a t h er fa ncy k it c hen lik e it 's s o m eth in g th at ta ste s b ad . " I n ever d re am ed I 'd have th is m uch." "W ell, a in 't y o u lu ck y." "I'v e n ever b een h ap pie r in m y w ho le lif e ." I le ave it a t th at. U nd ern eath a ll th at h ap py, s h e s u re d oesn 't lo ok h ap py.
TH AT N IG HT, I c all A IB IL EEN .
"M is s H illy w as a t M is s L eefo lt 's y este rd ay," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a sk if a nyb ody k new w here y o u was w ork in g." "L ord y, s h e fin d m e o ut th ere , s h e r u ir n it fo r s u re ." I t's b een tw o w eek s s in ce th e T errib le A w fu l Thin g I d id to th at w om an. I k no w s h e'd ju st lo ve to s e e m e fir e d o n th e s p ot.
"W hat L ero y s a y w hen y o u to ld h im y o u g o t th e jo b?" A ib ile en a sk s.
"S ho ot. H e s tr u t a ro und th e k it c hen lik e a p lu m ed r o oste r c ause h e in fr o nt a th e k id s," I s a y. " A ct lik e h e th e o nly o ne s u p portin g th e fa m ily a nd I 'm ju st d oin g th is to k eep m y p oor s e lf e nte rta in ed .
Late r o n th o ugh, w e in b ed a nd I th o ught m y b ig o ld b ull fo r a h usb and g o ne c ry ." Aib ile en la ughs. " L ero y g o t a lo t a p rid e." "Y eah, I ju st g o t to m ak e s u re M is te r J o hnny d on't c atc h u p w it h m e." "A nd s h e a in 't to ld y o u w hy s h e d on't w ant h im to k no w ?" "A ll s h e s a y is s h e w ant h im to th in k s h e c an d o th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g h ers e lf . B ut th at a in 't why. S he h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im ." "A in 't it fu nny h o w th is w ork ed o ut. M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body, e ls e it 'll g et b ack to M is te r J o hnny.
So M is s H illy w on't fin d o ut, c ause M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body. Y ou c o uld n't a fix ed it u p b ette r yo urs e lf ." "M m-h m m" is a ll I s a y. I d on't w ant to s o und u ngra te fu l, s in ce A ib ile en's th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut I c an't h elp b ut th in k th at I 'v e ju st d oub le d m y tr o ub le , w hat w it h M is s H illy a nd n o w M is te r Jo hnny to o.
"M in ny, I b een m eanin g to a sk y o u." A ib ile en c le ars h er th ro at. " Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " "T all o ne, u se d to c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs fo r b rid ge?" "Y eah, w hat y o u th in k a b out h er? " "I d on't k no w , s h e w hit e ju st lik e th e r e st o f e m . W hy? W hat s h e s a y a b out m e?" "N oth in g a b out y o u," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he ju st . . . a fe w w eek s a go , I d on't k no w w hy I k eep th in k in g a b out it . S he a sk m e s o m eth in g. A sk d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. W hit e w om an n ever ask ed --" But th en L ero y s tu m ble s in fr o m th e b ed ro om w antin g h is c o ffe e b efo re h is la te s h if t.
"S ho ot, h e's u p ," I s a y. " T alk q uic k ." "N aw , n ever m in d . I t's n o th in g," A ib ile en s a ys.
"W hat? W hat's g o in g o n? W hat th at la d y te ll y o u?" "It w as ju st ja b ber. I t w as n o nse nse ." ch ap te r 4 M Y F IR ST W EEK a t M is s C elia 's , I s c ru b th e h o use u ntil th ere is n 't a d ust r a g o r a s tr ip ped s h eet o r e ven a r u n p anty h o se le ft to w ip e w it h . S eco nd w eek , I s c ru b th e h o use a gain b ecause it 's lik e t h e d ir t g re w b ack . T hir d w eek , I a m s a tis fie d a nd s e ttle in m y w ays.
E very d ay, M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve I 'v e c o m e b ack to w ork . I 'm th e o nly th in g t h at in te rru p ts a ll th at q uie t a ro und h er. M y h o use is a lw ays fu ll o f fiv e k id s a nd n eig hb ors a nd a h usb and . M ost d ays w hen I c o m e in to M is s C elia 's , I a m g ra te fu l fo r th e p eace.
M y h o use k eep in g ta sk s fa ll o n th e s a m e d ay fo r e very jo b I ta k e: o n M ond ay, I o il u p th e fu rn it u re .
T uesd ay, I w ash a nd ir o n th e d am n s h eets , th e d ay I h ate . W ed nesd ay is fo r s c ru b bin g th e b ath tu b r e al g o od e ven th o ugh I w ip e it d ow n e very m orn in g. T hurs d ay is fo r p olis h in g flo ors a nd s u ck in g r u gs, m in d in g th e a ntiq ue o nes w it h a h and b ro om s o th ey d on't th re ad . F rid ay is h eavy c o okin g fo r t h e w eek end a nd w hat- h ave-y o u. A nd e very d ay is m oppin g, w ash in g c lo th es a nd ir o nin g s h ir ts s o t h ey d on't g o g ettin g o ut o f h and , a nd g enera lly k eep in g th in gs c le an. S ilv er a nd w in d ow s, th ey'r e a s n eed ed . S in ce th ere a re n't a ny k id s to lo ok a fte r, th ere 's a m ple tim e le ft fo r M is s C elia 's s o -c alle d c o okin g le sso n.
M is s C elia n ever d oes a ny e nte rta in in g, s o w e ju st fix w hate ver s h e a nd M is te r J o hnny a re h avin g fo r s u p per: p ork c ho ps, fr ie d c hic k en, r o ast b eef, c hic k en p ie , la m b r a ck , b ak ed h am , fr ie d to m ato es, m ash ed p ota to es, p lu s th e v egeta b le s. O r a t le ast I c o ok a nd M is s C elia fid gets , lo okin g m ore lik e a f iv e-y ear- o ld th an th e r ic h la d y p ayin g m y r e nt. W hen th e le sso n's o ver, s h e r u sh es b ack to la yin g d ow n. I n fa ct, th e o nly tim e M is s C elia w alk s te n fe et is to c o m e in th e k it c hen fo r h er le sso n o r to s n eak u p sta ir s e very tw o o r th re e d ays, u p in th e c re ep y r o om s.
I d on't k no w w hat s h e d oes fo r fiv e m in ute s o n th e s e co nd flo or. I d on't lik e it u p th ere th o ugh.
T ho se b ed ro om s s h o uld b e s ta ck ed fu ll o f k id s la ughin g a nd h o lle rin g a nd p oopin g u p th e p la ce. B ut i t 's n o ne o f m y b usin ess w hat M is s C elia d oes w it h h er d ay, a nd a sk m e, I 'm g la d s h e's s ta yin g o ut o f m y w ay. I 'v e fo llo w ed la d ie s a ro und w it h a b ro om in o ne h and a nd a tr a sh c an in th e o th er tr y in g to k eep u p w it h th eir m ess. A s lo ng a s s h e s ta ys in th at b ed , th en I 'v e g o t a jo b. E ven th o ugh s h e h as z e ro k id s a nd n o th in g to d o a ll d ay, s h e is th e la zie st w om an I 'v e e ver s e en.
In clu din g m y s is te r D ore ena w ho n ever lif te d a r o yal fin ger g ro w in g u p b ecause s h e h ad th e h eart d efe ct th at w e la te r f o und o ut w as a fly o n th e X -ra y m achin e.
A nd it 's n o t ju st th e b ed . M is s C elia w on't le ave th e house e xcep t to g et h er h air fr o ste d a nd h er e nd s tr im med . S o fa r, th at's o nly h ap pened o nce in th e th re e w eek s I 'v e b een w ork in g. T hir ty -six y ears o ld a nd I c an s till h ear m y m am a te llin g m e, It a in 't n obody's b usin ess.
B ut I w ant to k no w w hat th at la d y's s o s c are d o f o uts id e th is p la ce.
E V ERY P A Y DAY, I g iv e M is s C elia th e c o unt. " N in ety -n in e m ore d ays till y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny b out m e." "G olly , th e tim e's g o in g b y q uic k ," s h e'll s a y w it h k in d o f a s ic k lo ok.
"C at g o t o n th e p orc h th is m orn in g, b out g iv e m e a c ad illa c a rre st th in k in g it w as M is te r J o hnny." Lik e m e, M is s C elia g ets a lit tle m ore n erv o us th e c lo se r w e g et to th e d ead lin e. I d on't k no w w hat th at m an w ill d o w hen s h e te lls h im . M ayb e h e'll te ll h er to fir e m e.
"I h o pe th at's e no ugh tim e, M in ny. D o y o u th in k I 'm g ettin g a ny b ette r a t c o okin g?" s h e s a ys, a nd I lo ok a t h er. S he's g o t a p re tty s m ile , w hit e s tr a ig ht te eth , b ut s h e is th e w ors t c o ok I h ave e ver s e en.
So I b ack u p a nd te ach h er th e s im ple st th in gs b ecause I w ant h er to le arn a nd le arn it fa st. S ee, I need h er to e xp la in to h er h usb and w hy a h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound N egro w om an h as k eys to his h o use . I n eed h im to k no w w hy I h ave h is s te rlin g s ilv er a nd M is s C elia 's z illio n-k ara t r u b y earrin gs in m y h and e very d ay. I need h im to k no w th is b efo re h e w alk s in o ne fin e d ay a nd c alls th e polic e. O r s a ves a d im e a nd ta k es c are o f b usin ess h im se lf .
"G et th e h am h o ck o ut, m ak e s u re y o u g o t e no ugh w ate r in th ere , th at's r ig ht. N ow tu rn u p th e fla m e. S ee th at lit tle b ub ble th ere , th at m eans th e w ate r's h ap py." Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n in to th e p ot lik e s h e's lo okin g fo r h er fu tu re . " A re y o u h ap py, M in ny?" "W hy y o u a sk m e fu nny q uestio ns lik e th at? " "B ut a re y o u?" "C ours e I 's h ap py. Y ou h ap py to o. B ig h o use , b ig y ard , h usb and lo okin g a fte r y o u." I fr o w n a t M is s Celia a nd I m ak e s u re s h e c an s e e it . B ecause a in 't th at w hit e p eo ple fo r y o u, w ond erin g if th ey a re hap py en ough .
And w hen M is s C elia b urn s th e b eans, I tr y a nd u se s o m e o f th at s e lf - c o ntr o l m y m am a s w ore I w as born w it h o ut. " A lr ig ht," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth , " w e'll d o a no th er b atc h fo re M is te r J o hnny g et ho m e." Any o th er w om an I 'v e w ork ed fo r, I w ould 'v e lo ved to h ave h ad ju st o ne h o ur o f b ossin g th em aro und , s e e h o w th ey lik e it . B ut M is s C elia , th e w ay s h e s ta re s a t m e w it h th o se b ig e yes lik e I 'm th e b est th in g s in ce h air s p ra y in th e c an, I a lm ost r a th er s h e'd o rd er m e a ro und lik e s h e's s u p pose d to . I s ta rt to w ond er if h er la yin g d ow n a ll th e tim e h as a nyth in g to d o w it h h er n o t te llin g M is te r Jo hnny a b out m e. I g uess s h e c an s e e th e s u sp ic io us in m y e ye to o, b ecause o ne d ay, o ut o f th e b lu e sh e s a ys:
"I g et th ese n ig htm are s a lo t, th at I h ave to g o b ack to S ugar D it c h a nd liv e? T hat's w hy I la y d ow n so m uch." T hen s h e n o ds r e al fa st, lik e s h e's b een r e hears in g th is . " C ause I d on't s le ep r e al w ell a t nig ht." I g iv e h er a s tu p id s m ile , lik e I r e ally b elie ve th is , a nd g o b ack to w ip in g th e m ir ro rs .
"D on't d o it to o g o od. L eave s o m e s m ud ges." It's a lw ays s o m eth in g, m ir ro rs , flo ors , a d ir ty g la ss in th e s in k o r th e tr a sh c an fu ll. " W e'v e g o t to mak e it b elie vab le ," s h e'll s a y a nd I fin d m yse lf r e achin g fo r th at d ir ty g la ss a h und re d tim es to w ash it . I lik e th in gs c le an, p ut a w ay.
"I W IS H I C O ULD T EN D to th at a za le a b ush o ut th ere ," M is s C elia s a ys o ne d ay. S he's ta k en to la yin g o n th e c o uch w hile m y s to rie s a re o n, in te rru p tin g th e w ho le tim e. I 'v e b een tu ned in to The Guid in g L ig ht fo r tw enty -fo ur y ears , s in ce I w as te n y ears o ld a nd lis te nin g to it o n M am a's r a d io .
A D re ft c o m merc ia l c o m es o n a nd M is s C elia s ta re s o ut th e b ack w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d m an r a k in g up th e le aves. S he's g o t s o m any a za le a b ush es, h er y ard 's g o in g to lo ok lik e Gone W it h t h e W in d co m e s p rin g. I d on't lik e a za le as a nd I s u re d id n't lik e th at m ovie , th e w ay th ey m ad e s la very lo ok lik e a b ig h ap py te a p arty . I f I 'd p la yed M am my, I 'd o f to ld S carle tt to s tic k th o se g re en d ra p erie s u p her w hit e lit tle p ooper. M ak e h er o w n d am n m an-c atc hin g d re ss.
"A nd I k no w I c o uld m ak e th at r o se b ush b lo om if I p ru ned it b ack ," M is s C elia s a ys. " B ut th e fir s t th in g I 'd d o is c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e." "W hat's w ro ng w it h th at tr e e?" I p re ss th e c o rn er o f m y ir o n in to M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r- p oin t. I d on't even h ave a s h ru b , m uch le ss a tr e e, in m y e ntir e y ard .
"I d on't lik e th o se h air y flo w ers ." S he g aze s o ff lik e s h e's g o ne s o ft in th e h ead . " T hey lo ok lik e lit tle bab y h air s ." I g et th e c re ep ers w it h h er ta lk in g th at w ay. " Y ou k no w a b out flo w ers ? " She s ig hs. " I u se d to lo ve to te nd to m y flo w ers b ack in S ugar D it c h. I le arn ed to g ro w th in gs h o pin g I c o uld p re tty u p a ll th at u glin ess." "G o h ead o uts id e th en," I s a y, tr y in g n o t to s o und to o e xcit e d . " T ak e s o m e e xerc is e . G et s o m e fr e sh air ." Get o ut a h ere .
"N o," M is s C elia s ig hs. " I s h o uld n't b e r u nnin g a ro und o ut th ere . I n eed to b e s till. " It's r e ally s ta rtin g to ir rit a te m e h o w s h e n ever le aves th e h o use , h o w s h e s m ile s lik e th e m aid w alk in g in e very m orn in g is th e b est p art o f h er d ay. I t's lik e a n it c h. E very d ay I r e ach fo r it a nd c an't q uit e sc ra tc h it . E very d ay, it it c hes a lit tle w ors e . E very d ay s h e's th ere .
"M ayb e y o u o ught to g o m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s," I s a y. " L ot a la d ie s y o ur a ge in to w n." She fr o w ns u p a t m e. " I'v e b een tr y in g. I c an't te ll y o u th e u m pte en tim es I 'v e c alle d th o se la d ie s to se e if I c an h elp w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit o r d o s o m eth in g fr o m h o m e. B ut th ey w on't c all m e back . N one o f th em ." I d on't s a y a nyth in g to th is b ecause a in 't th at a s u rp ris e . W it h h er b oso m s h angin g o ut a nd h er h air co lo re d G old N ugget. "G o s h o ppin g th en. G o g et y o u s o m e n ew c lo th es. G o d o w hate ver w hit e w om en d o w hen th e maid 's h o m e." "N o, I th in k I 'll g o r e st a w hile ," s h e s a ys a nd tw o m in ute s la te r I h ear h er c re ep in g a ro und u p sta ir s in th e e m pty b ed ro om s.
The m im osa b ra nch k no ck s a gain st th e w in d ow a nd I ju m p, b urn m y th um b. I s q ueeze m y e yes s h ut to s lo w m y h eart. N in ety -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is m ess a nd I d on't k no w h o w I c an ta k e a m in ute more .
"M am a, fix m e s o m eth in g to e at. I 'm h ungry ." T hat's w hat m y y o ungest g ir l, K in d ra , w ho 's fiv e, s a id to m e la st n ig ht. W it h a h and o n h er h ip a nd h er fo ot s tu ck o ut.
I h ave fiv e k id s a nd I ta k e p rid e th at I ta ught th em yes m a'a m a nd ple a se b efo re th ey c o uld e ven sa y co okie .
All e xcep t o ne.
"Y ou a in 't h avin g n o th in g till s u p per," I to ld h er.
"W hy y o u s o m ean to m e? I hate y o u," s h e y elle d a nd r a n o ut th e d oor.
I s e t m y e yes o n th e c eilin g b ecause th at's a s h o ck I w ill n ever g et u se d to , e ven w it h fo ur b efo re h er.
The d ay y o ur c hild s a ys s h e h ate s y o u, a nd e very c hild w ill g o th ro ugh th e p hase , it k ic k s lik e a fo ot in th e s to m ach.
But K in d ra , L ord . I t's n o t ju st a p hase I 'm s e ein g. T hat g ir l is tu rn in g o ut ju st lik e m e.
I'm s ta nd in g in M is s C elia 's k it c hen th in k in g a b out la st n ig ht, w hat w it h K in d ra a nd h er m outh , B enny and h is a sth m a, m y h usb and L ero y c o m in g h o m e d ru nk tw o tim es la st w eek . H e k no w s th at's th e one th in g I c an't s ta nd a fte r n urs in g m y d ru nk d ad dy fo r te n y ears , m e a nd M am a w ork in g o urs e lv es to d eath s o h e h ad a fu ll b ottle . I g uess I o ught to b e m ore u p se t a b out a ll th is , b ut la st n ig ht, a s a n I'm s o rry , L ero y c am e h o m e w it h a s a ck o f e arly o kra . H e k no w s it 's m y fa vo rit e th in g to e at.
Tonig ht I 'm g o in g to fr y u p th at o kra in s o m e c o rn m eal a nd e at lik e m y m am a n ever le t m e.
That's n o t th e o nly tr e at to m y d ay e it h er. I t's O cto ber fir s t a nd h ere I a m p eelin g p eaches. M is te r Jo hnny's m am a b ro ught b ack tw o c ra te s fr o m M exic o , h eavy a s b ase b alls . T hey a re r ip e a nd s w eet and lik e c uttin g th ro ugh b utte r. I d on't ta k e c harit y fr o m w hit e la d ie s b ecause I know th ey ju st w ant me to o w e th em . B ut w hen M is s C elia to ld m e to ta k e a d oze n p eaches h o m e I p ulle d o ut a s a ck and p lo pped tw elv e r ig ht in . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'm e atin g fr ie d o kra fo r s u p per a nd p each co bble r fo r d esse rt.
I'm w atc hin g th e lo ng, fu zzy p eel fo ld d ow n in to M is s C elia 's b asin , p ayin g n o m in d a t a ll to th e driv ew ay. U su ally w hen I 'm s ta nd in g a t h er k it c hen s in k , I m ap o ut m y g eta w ay fr o m M is te r J o hnny.
The k it c hen's th e b est r o om fo r it b ecause th e fr o nt w in d ow lo oks o ut to th e s tr e et. T all a za le a bush es h id e m y fa ce, b ut I c an s e e th ro ugh e no ugh to s p ot a n a p pro acher. I f h e c am e in th e fr o nt door, th e b ack d oor w ould e sc ap e m e in to th e g ara ge. I f h e c am e in th e b ack , I c o uld s lip o ut th e fr o nt. A no th er d oor in th e k it c hen le ad s o ut to th e b ack yard , ju st in c ase . B ut w hat w it h th e ju ic e ru nnin g d ow n m y h and a nd m e n eara b out d ru nk o n th e b utte r s m ell, I a m lo st in a p each-p eelin g re verie . I d on't e ven n o tic e th e b lu e tr u ck p ull in .
The m an's m ad e it h alf w ay u p th e w alk b y th e tim e I lo ok u p . I c atc h a s liv er o f a w hit e s h ir t, th e varie ty o f w hic h I 'm u se d to ir o nin g e very d ay, a nd th e le g o f a p air o f k hak i p ants lik e I h ang u p in Mis te r J o hnny's c lo se t. I c ho ke o n a y elp . M y k nif e c la tte rs in th e s in k .
"M is s C elia !" I d ash in to h er b ed ro om . " M is te r J o hnny hom e !" Mis s C elia ju m ps o ut o f b ed fa ste r th an I 'v e s e en h er m ove b efo re . I tu rn a ro und in a n id io t c ir c le .
Where a m I g oin g? W hic h w ay d o I g o? W hat h appen ed t o m y g eta w ay p la n?
A nd th en I s n ap in to d ecis io n--th e g uest b ath ro om !
I s lip in a nd k eep th e d oor c ra ck ed . I c ro uch u p o n th e to ile t s e at s o h e c an't s e e m y fe et u nd er th e door. I t's d ark in h ere a nd h o t. I fe el lik e m y h ead 's o n fir e . S w eat d rip s o ff m y c hin a nd s p la ts o n th e flo or. I fe el s ic k b y th e th ic k s m ell o f g ard enia s o ap s b y th e s in k .
I h ear fo ots te p s. I h o ld m y b re ath .
The fo ots te p s s to p. M y h eart is th um pin g lik e a c at in a c lo th es d ry er. W hat if M is s C elia p re te nd s sh e d oesn 't k no w m e s o s h e w on't g et in tr o ub le ? A cts lik e I 'm a b urg la r? Oh, I h ate h er! I h ate th at s tu pid w om an!
I lis te n, b ut a ll I c an h ear is m y o w n p antin g. T he th ud -th ud in m y c hest. M y a nk le s h urt a nd c re ak , ho ld in g u p m y b ody lik e th is .
My e yes g ro w s h arp er in th e d ark . A fte r a m in ute , I s e e m yse lf in th e m ir ro r o ver th e s in k . C ro uched lik e a fo ol o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t.
Look a t m e. L ook w hat it 's c o m e to fo r M in ny J a ck so n to m ak e a d am n liv in g.
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 5 I D RIV E M Y m am a's C ad illa c fa st o n th e g ra vel r o ad , h ead ed h o m e. P ats y C lin e c an't e ven b e h eard o n th e r a d io a nym ore , fo r a ll th e r o ck s b angin g th e s id e o f th e c ar. M oth er w ould b e fu rio us, b ut I ju st d riv e fa ste r. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out w hat H illy s a id to m e to day a t b rid ge c lu b .
H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I h ave b een b est fr ie nd s s in ce P ow er E le m enta ry . M y fa vo rit e p ho to gra p h is o f th e th re e o f u s s it tin g in th e fo otb all s ta nd s in ju nio r h ig h, a ll ja m med to geth er, s h o uld er to s h o uld er. W hat m ak es th e p ic tu re , th o ugh, is th at th e s ta nd s a re c o m ple te ly e m pty a ro und u s. W e s a t c lo se b ecause w e w ere c lo se .
A t O le M is s, H illy a nd I r o om ed to geth er fo r tw o y ears b efo re s h e le ft to g et m arrie d a nd I s ta yed o n to g ra d uate . I r o lle d th ir te en c urle rs in h er h air e very n ig ht a t th e C hi O mega h o use . B ut to day, s h e th re ate ned to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague. N ot th at I c are s o m uch a b out th e L eague, b ut I w as h urt b y h o w e asily m y fr ie nd w ould b e w illin g to c ast m e a sid e.
I tu rn u p th e la ne th at le ad s to L ongle af, m y fa m ily 's c o tto n p la nta tio n. T he g ra vel q uie ts to s m ooth , y ello w d ust a nd I s lo w d ow n b efo re M oth er s e es h o w fa st I 'm d riv in g. I p ull u p to th e h o use a nd g et o ut. M oth er is r o ck in g o n th e fr o nt p orc h.
" C om e s it , d arlin g," s h e s a ys, w avin g m e to w ard a r o ck in g c hair b esid e h er. " P asc ago ula 's ju st w axed th e flo ors . L et th em d ry a w hile ." " A lr ig ht, M am a." I k is s h er p ow dery c heek . B ut I d on't s it . I le an o n th e p orc h r a ilin g, lo ok o ut o n t h e th re e m ossy o ak tr e es in th e fr o nt y ard . E ven th o ugh it 's o nly fiv e m in ute s o uts id e o f to w n, m ost p eo ple c o nsid er th is th e c o untr y o ut h ere . S urro und in g o ur y ard lie te n th o usa nd a cre s o f D ad dy's c o tto n fie ld s, th e p la nts g re en a nd s tr o ng, ta ll a s m y w ais t. A fe w c o lo re d m en s it u nd er a d is ta nt s h ed , s ta rin g in to th e h eat. E very o ne is w ait in g fo r th e s a m e th in g, fo r th e c o tto n b olls to o pen.
I th in k a b out h o w th in gs a re d if fe re nt b etw een H illy a nd m e, s in ce I c am e h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. B ut w ho is th e d if fe re nt p ers o n, h er o r m e?
" D id I te ll y o u?" M oth er s a ys. " F anny P eatr o w g o t e ngaged ." " G ood fo r F anny." " N ot e ven a m onth a fte r s h e g o t th at te lle r jo b a t th e F arm er's B ank ." " T hat's g re at, M oth er." " I k no w ," s h e s a ys, a nd I tu rn to s e e o ne o f th o se lig htb ulb -p oppin g lo oks o f h ers . " W hy d on't y o u g o d ow n to th e b ank a nd a p ply fo r a te lle r jo b?" " I d on't w ant to b e a b ank te lle r, M am a." M oth er s ig hs, n arro w s h er e yes a t th e s p anie l, S helb y, lic k in g h is n eth er p arts . I e ye th e fr o nt d oor, t e m pte d to r u in th e c le an flo ors a nyw ay. W e'v e h ad th is c o nvers a tio n s o m any tim es.
" F our y ears m y d aughte r g o es o ff to c o lle ge a nd w hat d oes s h e c o m e h o m e w it h ?" s h e a sk s. "A d ip lo m a?" "A p re tty p ie ce o f p ap er," M oth er s a ys.
"I to ld y o u. I d id n't m eet a nyb ody I w ante d to m arry ," I s a y.
Moth er r is e s fr o m h er c hair , c o m es c lo se s o I 'll lo ok h er in h er s m ooth , p re tty fa ce. S he's w earin g a navy b lu e d re ss, n arro w a lo ng h er s lim b ones. A s u su al h er lip stic k is ju st s o , b ut w hen s h e s te p s in to th e b rig ht a fte rn o on s u n, I s e e d ark s ta in s, d eep a nd d rie d , o n th e fr o nt o f h er c lo th es. I s q uin t m y eyes, tr y in g to s e e if th e s ta in s a re r e ally th ere . " M am a? A re y o u fe elin g b ad ?" "If y o u'd ju st s h o w a lit tle g um ptio n, E ugenia --" "Y our d re ss is a ll d ir ty o n th e fr o nt." Moth er c ro sse s h er a rm s. " N ow , I ta lk ed to F anny's m oth er a nd s h e s a id F anny w as p ra ctic ally sw im min g in o pportu nit ie s o nce s h e g o t th at jo b." I d ro p th e d re ss is su e. I 'll n ever b e a b le to te ll M oth er I w ant to b e a w rit e r. S he'll o nly tu rn it in to yet a no th er th in g th at s e p ara te s m e fr o m th e m arrie d g ir ls . N or c an I te ll h er a b out C harle s G ra y, m y math s tu d y p artn er la st s p rin g, a t O le M is s. H ow h e'd g o tte n d ru nk s e nio r y ear a nd k is se d m e a nd th en s q ueeze d m y h and s o h ard it s h o uld 'v e h urt b ut it d id n't , it fe lt w ond erfu l th e w ay h e w as ho ld in g m e a nd lo okin g in to m y e yes. A nd th en h e m arrie d fiv e-fo ot J e nny S prig .
What I n eed ed to d o w as fin d a n a p artm ent in to w n, th e k in d o f b uild in g w here s in gle , p la in g ir ls liv ed , s p in ste rs , s e cre ta rie s, te achers . B ut th e o ne tim e I h ad m entio ned u sin g m oney fr o m m y tr u st fu nd , M oth er h ad c rie d --re al te ars . " T hat is n o t w hat th at m oney's fo r, E ugenia . T o liv e in s o m e ro om in g h o use w it h s tr a nge c o okin g s m ells a nd s to ck in gs h angin g o ut th e w in d ow . A nd w hen th e money r u ns o ut, w hat th en? W hat w ill y o u liv e o n?" T hen s h e'd d ra p ed a c o ld c lo th o n h er h ead a nd go ne to b ed fo r th e d ay.
And n o w s h e's g rip pin g th e r a il, w ait in g to s e e if I 'll d o w hat fa t F anny P eatr o w d id to s a ve h ers e lf .
My o w n m oth er is lo okin g a t m e a s if I c o m ple te ly b affle h er m in d w it h m y lo oks, m y h eig ht, m y h air .
To s a y I h ave fr iz zy h air is a n u nd ers ta te m ent. I t is k in k y, m ore p ub ic th an c ra nia l, a nd w hit is h b lo nd , bre ak in g o ff e asily , lik e h ay. M y s k in is fa ir a nd w hile s o m e c all th is c re am y, it c an lo ok d ow nrig ht death ly w hen I 'm s e rio us, w hic h is a ll th e tim e. A ls o , th ere 's a s lig ht b um p o f c artila ge a lo ng th e to p of m y n o se . B ut m y e yes a re c o rn flo w er b lu e, lik e M oth er's . I 'm to ld th at's m y b est fe atu re .
"It's a ll a b out p uttin g y o urs e lf in a m an-m eetin g s it u atio n w here y o u c an--" "M am a," I s a y, ju st w antin g to e nd th is c o nvers a tio n, " w ould it r e ally b e s o te rrib le if I n ever m et a husb and ?" Moth er c lu tc hes h er b are a rm s a s if m ad e c o ld b y th e th o ught. " D on't . D on't s a y th at, E ugenia . W hy, every w eek I s e e a no th er m an in to w n o ver s ix fe et a nd I th in k , If E ugen ia w ould j u st t r y . . ." S he pre sse s h er h and to h er s to m ach, th e v ery th o ught a d vancin g h er u lc ers .
I s lip o ff m y fla ts a nd w alk d ow n th e fr o nt p orc h s te p s, w hile M oth er c alls o ut fo r m e to p ut m y sh o es b ack o n, th re ate nin g r in gw orm , m osq uit o e ncep halit is . T he in evit a b ilit y o f d eath b y n o s h o es.
Death b y n o h usb and . I s h ud der w it h th e s a m e le ft- b ehin d fe elin g I 'v e h ad s in ce I g ra d uate d fr o m co lle ge, th re e m onth s a go . I 'v e b een d ro pped o ff in a p la ce I d o n o t b elo ng a nym ore . C erta in ly n o t here w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy, m ayb e n o t e ven w it h H illy a nd E liz a b eth .
". . . h ere y o u a re tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd I 'd a lr e ad y h ad C arlt o n J r. a t y o ur a ge . . ." M oth er sa ys.
I s ta nd u nd er th e p in k c re p e m yrtle tr e e, w atc hin g M oth er o n th e p orc h. T he d ay lilie s h ave lo st th eir blo om s. I t is n early S ep te m ber.
I W AS N OT a c ute b ab y. W hen I w as b orn , m y o ld er b ro th er, C arlt o n, lo oked a t m e a nd d ecla re d to th e h o sp it a l r o om , " It's n o t a b ab y, it 's a s k eete r!" a nd fr o m th ere th e n am e s tu ck . I w as lo ng a nd le ggy a nd m osq uit o -th in , a r e co rd -b re ak in g tw enty -fiv e in ches a t B ap tis t H osp it a l. T he n am e g re w even m ore a ccura te w it h m y p oin ty , b eak -lik e n o se w hen I w as a c hild . M oth er's s p ent m y e ntir e lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple to c all m e b y m y g iv en n am e, E ugenia .
Mrs . C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n d oes n o t lik e n ic k nam es.
By s ix te en I w asn 't ju st n o t p re tty , I w as p ain fu lly ta ll. T he k in d o f ta ll th at p uts a g ir l in th e b ack r o w of c la ss p ic tu re s w it h th e b oys. T he k in d o f ta ll w here y o ur m oth er s p end s h er n ig hts ta k in g d ow n hem s, y ank in g a t s w eate r s le eves, fla tte nin g y o ur h air fo r d ances y o u h ad n't b een a sk ed to , fin ally pre ssin g th e to p o f y o ur h ead a s if s h e c o uld s h rin k y o u b ack to th e y ears w hen s h e h ad to r e m in d yo u to s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. B y th e tim e I w as s e vente en, M oth er w ould r a th er I s u ffe re d fr o m ap ople ctic d ia rrh ea th an s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. S he w as fiv e-fo ot- fo ur a nd fir s t- ru nner- u p a s M is s S outh Caro lin a. S he d ecid ed th ere w as o nly o ne th in g to d o in a c ase lik e m in e.
Mrs . C harlo tte P hela n's G uid e to H usb and -H untin g, R ule N um ber O ne: a p re tty , p etit e g ir l s h o uld accentu ate w it h m ak eup a nd g o od p ostu re . A ta ll p la in o ne, w it h a tr u st fu nd .
I w as fiv e-fo ot- e le ven b ut I h ad tw enty -fiv e th o usa nd c o tto n d olla rs in m y n am e a nd if th e b eauty in th at w as n o t a p pare nt th en, b y G od, h e w asn 't s m art e no ugh to b e in th e fa m ily a nyw ay.
. . .
MY C HIL D HO OD B ED RO OM is th e to p flo or o f m y p are nts ' h o use . I t h as w hit e -fr o stin g c hair ra ils a nd p in k c heru b s in th e m old in g. I t's p ap ere d in m in t g re en r o se b ud s. I t is a ctu ally th e a ttic w it h lo ng, s lo pin g w alls , a nd I c anno t s ta nd s tr a ig ht in m any p la ces. T he b ox b ay w in d ow m ak es th e ro om lo ok r o und . A fte r M oth er b era te s m e a b out fin d in g a h usb and e very o th er d ay, I h ave to s le ep in a w ed din g c ak e. And y et, it is m y s a nctu ary . T he h eat s w ells a nd g ath ers lik e a h o t- a ir b allo on u p h ere , n o t e xactly welc o m in g o th ers . T he s ta ir s a re n arro w a nd d if fic ult fo r p are nts to c lim b. O ur p re vio us m aid , Consta ntin e, u se d to s ta re th o se fo rw ard -slo pin g s ta ir s d ow n e very d ay, lik e it w as a b attle b etw een th em . T hat w as th e o nly p art I d id n't lik e a b out h avin g th e to p flo or o f th e h o use , th at it s e p ara te d me fr o m m y C onsta ntin e.
Thre e d ays a fte r m y c o nvers a tio n w it h M oth er o n th e p orc h, I s p re ad o ut th e h elp -w ante d a d s fr o m th e Ja ck so n J o urn al o n m y d esk . A ll m orn in g, M oth er's b een fo llo w in g m e a ro und w it h a n ew h air - str a ig hte nin g th in g w hile D ad dy's b een o n th e fr o nt p orc h g ro w lin g a nd g o ddam nin g th e c o tto n fie ld s because th ey'r e m elt in g lik e s u m mer s n o w . B esid es b oll w eevils , r a in is ju st a b out th e w ors t th in g th at c an h ap pen a t h arv est tim e. I t's h ard ly S ep te m ber b ut th e fa ll d re nches h ave a lr e ad y b egun.
My r e d p en in h and , I s c an th e s q uat, s in gle c o lu m n u nd er H ELP W AN TED : F EM ALE.
Ken nin gto n's D ep t. S tr. s e ek s s a le sg ir ls w /p ois e , m anners & a s m ile !
Trim , y o ung s e cre ta ry w ante d . T yp in g n ot n ec. C all M r. S anders.
J e su s, if h e d oesn 't w ant h er to ty p e, w hat d oes h e w ant h er to d o?
Jr. S te n ogra pher w ante d , P erc y & G ra y, L P, $ 1.2 5/h r.
T his is n ew . I d ra w a c ir c le a ro und it .
No o ne c o uld a rg ue th at I h ad n't w ork ed h ard a t O le M is s. W hile m y fr ie nd s w ere o ut d rin k in g r u m and C okes a t P hi D elt a T heta p artie s a nd p in nin g o n m um c o rs a ges, I s a t in th e s tu d y p arlo r a nd wro te fo r h o urs --m ostly te rm p ap ers b ut a ls o s h o rt s to rie s, b ad p oetr y , e p is o des o f Dr. K ild are , P all Mall jin gle s, le tte rs o f c o m pla in t, r a nso m n o te s, lo ve le tte rs to b oys I 'd s e en in c la ss b ut h ad n't h ad th e n erv e to s p eak to , a ll o f w hic h I n ever m aile d . S ure , I d re am ed o f h avin g fo otb all d ate s, b ut m y re al d re am w as th at o ne d ay I w ould w rit e s o m eth in g th at p eo ple w ould a ctu ally r e ad .
Fourth te rm o f m y s e nio r y ear, I o nly a p plie d to o ne jo b, b ut it w as a g o od o ne, b ein g s ix h und re d mile s a w ay fr o m M is sis sip pi. P ilin g tw enty -tw o d im es in th e O xfo rd M art p ay p ho ne, I 'd in q uir e d ab out a n e d it o r p osit io n a t th e H arp er & R ow p ub lis h in g h o use o n 3 3rd S tr e et in M anhatta n. I 'd se en th e a d in The N ew Y o rk T im es d ow n a t th e O le M is s lib ra ry a nd m aile d th em m y r e su m e th at very d ay. O n a s p rig o f h o pe, I e ven c alle d a b out a n a p artm ent lis tin g o n E ast 8 5th S tr e et, a o ne- bed ro om w it h h o t p la te fo r fo rty -fiv e d olla rs a m onth . D elt a A ir lin es to ld m e a o ne-w ay tic k et to Id le w ild A ir p ort w ould c o st s e venty -th re e d olla rs . I d id n't h ave th e s e nse to a p ply fo r m ore th an o ne jo b a t a tim e a nd I n ever e ven h eard b ack fr o m th em .
My e yes d rif t d ow n to H ELP W AN TED : M ALE. T here a re a t le ast fo ur c o lu m ns fille d w it h b ank managers , a cco unta nts , lo an o ffic ers , c o tto n c o lla te o pera to rs . O n th is s id e o f th e p age, P erc y & Gra y, L P, is o ffe rin g J r. S te no gra p hers fif ty c ents m ore a n h o ur.
"M is s S K EETER , y o u g o t a p ho ne c all, " I h ear P asc ago ula h o lle r a t th e b otto m o f th e s ta ir s . I g o d ow nsta ir s to th e o nly p ho ne in th e h o use . P asc ago ula h o ld s th e p ho ne o ut to m e. S he is a s tin y as a c hild , n o t e ven fiv e fe et ta ll, a nd b la ck a s n ig ht. H er h air is c urly a ro und h er h ead a nd h er w hit e unif o rm d re ss h as b een ta ilo re d to fit h er s h o rt a rm s a nd le gs.
"M is s H illy o n th e p ho ne fo r y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd h and s it to m e w it h a w et h and .
I s it a t th e w hit e ir o n ta b le . T he k it c hen is la rg e a nd s q uare a nd h o t. B la ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um tile s are c ra ck ed in p la ces, w orn th in in fr o nt o f th e s in k . T he n ew s ilv er d is h w ash in g m achin e s it s in th e mid dle o f th e r o om , a tta ched to a h o se s tr e tc hed fr o m th e fa ucet.
"H e's c o m in g n ext w eek end ," H illy s a ys. " O n S atu rd ay n ig ht. Y ou fr e e?" "G ee, le t m e c heck m y c ale nd ar," I s a y. A ll tr a ces o f o ur b rid ge-c lu b a rg um ent a re g o ne fr o m H illy 's vo ic e. I 'm s u sp ic io us b ut r e lie ved .
"I c an't b elie ve th is is fin ally g o in g to h ap pen," H illy s a ys, b ecause s h e's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p fo r month s w it h h er h usb and 's c o usin . S he's in te nt o n it e ven th o ugh h e's m uch to o g o od-lo okin g fo r m e, no t to m entio n a s ta te s e nato r's s o n.
"D on't y o u th in k w e s h o uld ... m eet fir s t? " I a sk . " I m ean, b efo re w e g o o ut o n a n a ctu al d ate ?" "D on't b e n erv o us. W illia m a nd I w ill b e r ig ht n ext to y o u th e w ho le tim e." I s ig h. T he d ate 's b een c ancele d tw ic e a lr e ad y. I c an o nly h o pe it 'll b e p ut o ff a gain . A nd y et I 'm fla tte re d th at H illy h as s o m uch fa it h th at s o m eo ne lik e h im w ould b e in te re ste d in s o m eo ne lik e m e.
"O h, a nd I n eed y o u to c o m e o n b y a nd p ic k u p th ese n o te s," H illy s a ys. " I w ant m y in it ia tiv e in th e next n ew sle tte r, a fu ll p age n ext to th e p ho to o ps." I p ause . " T he b ath ro om th in g?" E ven th o ugh it w as o nly a fe w d ays a go th at s h e'd b ro ught th is u p a t brid ge c lu b , I 'd h o ped it w as fo rg o tte n.
"It's c alle d th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e-- Willia m J u nio r y o u g et d ow n o r I w ill s n atc h y o u bald hea ded Y u le M ay g et in h ere --a nd I w ant it in th is w eek ." I a m e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. B ut H illy is p re sid ent. A nd s h e's tr y in g to te ll m e w hat to p rin t.
"I'll s e e. I d on't k no w if th ere 's r o om ," I lie .
Fro m th e s in k , P asc ago ula s n eak s a lo ok a t m e, a s if s h e c an h ear w hat H illy 's s a yin g. I lo ok o ver a t Consta ntin e's b ath ro om , n o w P asc ago ula 's . I t's o ff th e k it c hen. T he d oor's h alf o pen a nd I c an s e e a tin y r o om w it h a to ile t, a p ull s tr in g flu sh er a t th e to p, a b ulb w it h a y ello w in g p la stic s h ad e. T he s m all co rn er s in k h ard ly h o ld s a g la ss o f w ate r. I 'v e n ever o nce b een in sid e. W hen w e w ere k id s, M oth er to ld u s s h e'd s p ank u s if w e w ent in C onsta ntin e's b ath ro om . I m is s C onsta ntin e m ore th an a nyth in g I'v e e ver m is se d in m y lif e .
"T hen m ak e r o om ," H illy s a ys, " b ecause th is is p re tty d arn im porta nt." CO NSTA N TIN E L IV ED A BO UT a M IL E fr o m o ur h o use , in a s m all N egro n eig hb orh o od c alle d Hots ta ck , n am ed a fte r th e ta r p la nt th at u se d to o pera te b ack th ere . T he r o ad to H ots ta ck r u ns alo ng th e n o rth s id e o f o ur fa rm , a nd fo r a s lo ng a s I c an r e m em ber, c o lo re d k id s h ave w alk ed a nd pla yed a lo ng th at m ile s tr e tc h, k ic k in g a t th e r e d d ust, m ak in g th eir w ay to w ard th e b ig C ounty R oad 49 to c atc h a r id e.
I u se d to w alk th at h o t m ile m yse lf , w hen I w as a g ir l. I f I b egged a nd p ra ctic ed m y c ate chis m , Moth er w ould s o m etim es le t m e g o h o m e w it h C onsta ntin e o n F rid ay a fte rn o ons. A fte r tw enty min ute s o f w alk in g s lo w , w e'd p ass th e c o lo re d fiv e-a nd -d im e s to re , th en a g ro cer w it h h ens la yin g in b ack , a nd a ll a lo ng th e w ay, d oze ns o f s h ack y-lo okin g r o ad sid e h o use s w it h tin r o ofs a nd s la ntin g porc hes, a lo ng w it h a y ello w o ne th at e very b ody s a id s o ld w his k ey fr o m th e b ack d oor. I t w as a th rill to b e in s u ch a d if fe re nt w orld a nd I 'd fe el a p ric k ly a w are ness o f h o w g o od m y s h o es w ere , ho w c le an m y w hit e p in afo re d re ss th at C onsta ntin e h ad ir o ned fo r m e. T he c lo se r w e g o t to Consta ntin e's h o use , th e m ore s h e'd s m ile .
"H i- d o, C arl B ir d ," C onsta ntin e'd h o lle r a t th e r o ot- se llin g m an s it tin g in h is r o ck in g c hair o n th e back o f h is p ic k up . B ags o f s a ssa fr a s a nd lic o ric e r o ot a nd b ir d eye v in e s a t o pen fo r b arg ain in g, a nd by th e tim e w e p oked a ro und th o se a m in ute , C onsta ntin e's w ho le b ody'd b e r a m blin g a nd lo ose in th e jo in ts . C onsta ntin e w asn 't ju st ta ll, s h e w as s to ut. S he w as a ls o w id e in th e h ip s a nd h er k nees gave h er tr o ub le a ll th e tim e. A t th e s tu m p o n h er c o rn er, s h e w ould s tic k a p in ch o f H ap py D ays sn uff in h er lip a nd s p it ju ic e s tr a ig ht a s a n a rro w . S he'd le t m e lo ok a t th e b la ck p ow der in it s r o und tin , b ut s a y, " D on't te ll y o ur m am a, n o w ." There w ere a lw ays d ogs, h o llo w -sto m ached a nd m angy, la id o ut in th e r o ad . F ro m a p orc h a y o ung co lo re d w om an n am ed C at- B it e w ould h o lle r, " M is s S keete r! T ell y o ur d ad dy h ey fo r m e. T ell h im I's d oin g fin e." M y o w n d ad dy g ave h er th at n am e y ears a go . D ro ve b y a nd s a w a r a b id c at atta ck in g a lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. " T hat c at n ear a b out a te h er u p ," D ad dy'd to ld m e a fte rw ard . H e'd kille d th e c at, c arrie d th e g ir l to th e d octo r, a nd s e t h er u p fo r th e tw enty -o ne d ays o f r a b ie s s h o ts .
A lit tle fa rth er o n, w e'd g et to C onsta ntin e's h o use . I t h ad th re e r o om s a nd n o r u gs a nd I 'd lo ok a t th e s in gle p ho to gra p h s h e h ad , o f a w hit e g ir l s h e to ld m e s h e lo oked a fte r fo r tw enty y ears o ver in Port G ib so n. I w as p re tty s u re I k new e very th in g a b out C onsta ntin e--sh e h ad o ne s is te r a nd g re w up o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm in C orin th , M is sis sip pi. B oth h er p are nts w ere d ead . S he d id n't e at p ork as a r u le a nd w ore a s iz e s ix te en d re ss a nd a s iz e te n la d ie s' s h o e. B ut I u se d to s ta re a t th e to oth y sm ile o f th at c hild in th e p ic tu re , a lit tle je alo us, w ond erin g w hy s h e d id n't h ave a p ic tu re o f m e u p to o.
Som etim es tw o g ir ls fr o m n ext d oor w ould c o m e o ver to p la y w it h m e, n am ed M ary N ell a nd M ary Roan. T hey w ere s o b la ck I c o uld n't te ll th em a p art a nd c alle d th em b oth ju st M ary .
"B e n ic e to th e lit tle c o lo re d g ir ls w hen y o u'r e d ow n th ere ," M oth er s a id to m e o ne tim e a nd I re m em ber lo okin g a t h er fu nny, s a yin g, " W hy w ould n't I b e?" B ut M oth er n ever e xp la in ed . Afte r a n h o ur o r s o , D ad dy w ould p ull u p , g et o ut, h and C onsta ntin e a d olla r. N ot o nce d id Consta ntin e in vit e h im in sid e. E ven b ack th en, I u nd ers to od w e w ere o n C onsta ntin e's tu rf a nd s h e did n't h ave to b e n ic e to a nyb ody a t h er o w n h o use . A fte rw ard , D ad dy w ould le t m e g o in th e co lo re d s to re fo r a c o ld d rin k a nd s u ck in g c and y.
"D on't te ll y o ur m am a I g ave C onsta ntin e a lit tle e xtr a , n o w ." "O kay, D ad dy," I 'd s a y. T hat's a b out th e o nly s e cre t m y d ad dy a nd I h ave e ver s h are d .
TH E F IR ST T IM E I w as e ver c alle d u gly , I w as th ir te en. I t w as a r ic h fr ie nd o f m y b ro th er Carlt o n's , o ver to s h o ot g uns in th e fie ld .
"W hy y o u c ry in g, g ir l? " C onsta ntin e a sk ed m e in th e k it c hen.
I to ld h er w hat th e b oy h ad c alle d m e, te ars s tr e am in g d ow n m y fa ce.
"W ell? I s y o u?" I b lin k ed , p ause d m y c ry in g. " Is I w hat? " "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , E ugenia "- -b ecause C onsta ntin e w as th e o nly o ne w ho 'd o ccasio nally fo llo w Mam a's r u le . " U gly liv e u p o n th e in sid e. U gly b e a h urtfu l, m ean p ers o n. I s y o u o ne a th em peo ple s? " "I d on't k no w . I d on't th in k s o ," I s o bbed .
Consta ntin e s a t d ow n n ext to m e, a t th e k it c hen ta b le . I h eard th e c ra ck in g o f h er s w olle n jo in ts . S he pre sse d h er th um b h ard in th e p alm o f m y h and , s o m eth in g w e b oth k new m eant Lis te n . L is te n t o me.
"E ver m orn in g, u ntil y o u d ead in th e g ro und , y o u g o ne h ave to m ak e th is d ecis io n." C onsta ntin e w as so c lo se , I c o uld s e e th e b la ck ness o f h er g um s. " Y ou g o ne h ave to a sk y o urs e lf , Am I g one b elie v e what t h em f o ols s a y a bout m e t o day?
" She k ep t h er th um b p re sse d h ard in m y h and . I n o dded th at I u nd ers to od. I w as ju st s m art e no ugh to r e aliz e s h e m eant w hit e p eo ple . A nd e ven th o ugh I s till fe lt m is e ra b le , a nd k new th at I w as, m ost lik ely , u gly , it w as th e fir s t tim e s h e e ver ta lk ed to m e lik e I w as s o m eth in g b esid es m y m oth er's w hit e child . A ll m y lif e I 'd b een to ld w hat to b elie ve a b out p olit ic s, c o lo re d s, b ein g a g ir l. B ut w it h Consta ntin e's th um b p re sse d in m y h and , I r e aliz e d I a ctu ally h ad a c ho ic e in w hat I c o uld b elie ve.
CO NSTA N TIN E C AM E T O W ORK in o ur h o use a t s ix in th e m orn in g, a nd a t h arv est tim e, s h e cam e a t fiv e. T hat w ay s h e c o uld fix D ad dy h is b is c uit s a nd g ra vy b efo re h e h ead ed to th e fie ld . I woke u p n early e very d ay to h er s ta nd in g in th e k it c hen, P re acher G re en p la yin g o n th e r a d io th at sa t o n th e k it c hen ta b le . T he m in ute s h e s a w m e, s h e s m ile d . " G ood m orn in g, b eautif u l g ir l! " I 'd s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le a nd te ll h er w hat I 'd d re am ed . S he c la im ed d re am s to ld th e fu tu re .
"I w as in th e a ttic , lo okin g d ow n a t th e fa rm ," I 'd te ll h er. " I c o uld s e e th e to ps o f th e tr e es." "Y ou g o ne b e a b ra in s u rg eo n! T op a th e h o use m ean th e h ead ." Moth er a te h er b re ak fa st e arly in th e d in in g r o om , th en m oved to th e r e la xin g r o om to d o need le p oin t o r w rit e le tte rs to m is sio narie s in A fr ic a. F ro m h er g re en w in g c hair , s h e c o uld s e e every o ne g o in g a lm ost a nyw here in th e h o use . I t w as s h o ck in g w hat s h e c o uld p ro cess a b out m y ap peara nce in th e s p lit s e co nd it to ok fo r m e to p ass b y th at d oor. I u se d to d ash b y, fe elin g lik e a dartb oard , a b ig r e d b ull's -e ye th at M oth er p in ged d arts a t.
"E ugenia , y o u k no w th ere is n o c hew in g g um in th is h o use ." "E ugenia , g o p ut a lc o ho l o n th at b le m is h ." "E ugenia , m arc h u p sta ir s a nd b ru sh y o ur h air d ow n, w hat if w e h ave a n u nexp ecte d v is it o r? " I le arn ed th at s o ck s a re s te alt h ie r tr a nsp orta tio n th an s h o es. I le arn ed to u se th e b ack d oor. I le arn ed to w ear h ats , c o ver m y fa ce w it h m y h and s w hen I p asse d b y. B ut m ostly , I le arn ed to ju st s ta y in th e k it c hen.
A S U M MER M ONTH C O ULD S TR EC H o n fo r y ears , o ut o n L ongle af. I d id n't h ave fr ie nd s co m in g o ver e very d ay--w e liv ed to o fa r o ut to h ave a ny w hit e n eig hb ors . I n to w n, H illy a nd Eliz a b eth s p ent a ll w eek end g o in g to a nd fr o m e ach o th er's h o use s, w hile I w as o nly a llo w ed to sp end th e n ig ht o ut o r h ave c o m pany e very o th er w eek end . I g ru m ble d o ver th is p le nty . I to ok Consta ntin e fo r g ra nte d a t tim es, b ut I th in k I k new , fo r th e m ost p art, h o w lu ck y I w as to h ave h er th ere .
When I w as fo urte en, I s ta rte d s m okin g c ig are tte s. I 'd s n eak th em fr o m C arlt o n's p ack s o f Marlb oro s h e k ep t in h is d re sse r d ra w er. H e w as a lm ost e ig hte en a nd n o o ne m in d ed th at h e'd b een sm okin g fo r y ears a nyw here h e w ante d to in th e h o use o r o ut in th e fie ld s w it h D ad dy. S om etim es Dad dy s m oked a p ip e, b ut h e w asn 't a c ig are tte m an a nd M oth er d id n't s m oke a nyth in g a t a ll, e ven th o ugh m ost o f h er fr ie nd s d id . M oth er to ld m e I w asn 't a llo w ed to s m oke u ntil I w as s e vente en.
So I 'd s lip in to th e b ack yard a nd s it in th e tir e s w in g, w it h th e h uge o ld o ak tr e e c o ncealin g m e. O r, la te a t n ig ht, I 'd h ang o ut o f m y b ed ro om w in d ow a nd s m oke. M oth er h ad e agle -e yes, b ut s h e h ad alm ost z e ro s e nse o f s m ell. C onsta ntin e k new im med ia te ly , th o ugh. S he n arro w ed h er e yes, w it h a lit tle s m ile , b ut s a id n o th in g. I f M oth er h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h w hile I w as b ehin d th e tr e e, Consta ntin e w ould r u sh o ut a nd b ang h er b ro om h and le o n th e ir o n s ta ir r a il.
"C onsta ntin e, w hat a re y o u d oin g?" M oth er w ould a sk h er, b ut b y th en I w ould 'v e s tu b bed it o ut a nd dro pped th e b utt in th e h o le in th e tr e e.
"J u st c le anin g th is h ere o ld b ro om , M is s C harlo tte ." "W ell, fin d a w ay to d o it a lit tle q uie te r, p le ase . O h, E ugenia , w hat, d id y o u g ro w a no th er in ch overn ig ht? W hat a m I g o in g to d o? G o... p ut o n a d re ss th at fit s ." "Y es m a'a m ," C onsta ntin e a nd I w ould s a y a t th e s a m e tim e a nd th en p ass e ach o th er a lit tle s m ile .
Oh, it w as d elic io us to h ave s o m eo ne to k eep s e cre ts w it h . I f I 'd h ad a s is te r o r a b ro th er c lo se r in age, I g uesse d th at's w hat it w ould b e lik e. B ut it w asn 't ju st s m okin g o r s k ir tin g a ro und M oth er. I t was h avin g s o m eo ne lo ok a t y o u a fte r y o ur m oth er h as n early fr e tte d h ers e lf to d eath b ecause y o u are fr e ak is h ly ta ll a nd fr iz zy a nd o dd. S om eo ne w ho se e yes s im ply s a id , w it h o ut w ord s, Yo u a re f in e wit h m e.
Still, it w asn 't a ll s w eet ta lk w it h h er. W hen I w as fif te en, a n ew g ir l h ad p oin te d a t m e a nd a sk ed , "W ho 's th e s to rk ?" E ven H illy h ad tu ck ed b ack a s m ile b efo re s te erin g m e a w ay, lik e w e h ad n't heard h er.
"H ow ta ll a re y o u, C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed , u nab le to h id e m y te ars .
Consta ntin e n arro w ed h er e yes a t m e. " H ow ta ll is y o u?" "F iv e-e le ven," I c rie d . " I'm a lr e ad y ta lle r th an th e b oys' b ask etb all c o ach." "W ell, I 'm fiv e-th ir te en, s o q uit fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Consta ntin e's th e o nly w om an I 'v e e ver h ad to lo ok u p to , to lo ok h er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye.
What y o u n o tic ed fir s t a b out C onsta ntin e, b esid es h er ta lln ess, w ere h er e yes. T hey w ere lig ht bro w n, s tr ik in gly h o ney-c o lo re d a gain st h er d ark s k in . I 'v e n ever s e en lig ht b ro w n e yes o n a c o lo re d pers o n. I n fa ct, th e s h ad es o f b ro w n o n C onsta ntin e w ere e nd le ss. H er e lb ow s w ere a b so lu te ly bla ck , w it h a d ry w hit e d ust o n th em in th e w in te r. T he s k in o n h er a rm s a nd n eck a nd fa ce w as a dark e b ony. T he p alm s o f h er h and s w ere o ra ngey-ta n a nd th at m ad e m e w ond er if th e s o le s o f h er fe et w ere to o, b ut I n ever s a w h er b are fo ote d .
"J u st y o u a nd m e th is w eek end ," s h e s a id w it h a s m ile .
It w as th e w eek end th at M oth er a nd D ad dy w ere d riv in g C arlt o n to lo ok a t L SU a nd T ula ne. M y bro th er w as g o in g to c o lle ge n ext y ear. T hat m orn in g, D ad dy h ad m oved th e c o t in to th e k it c hen, next to h er b ath ro om . T hat's w here C onsta ntin e a lw ays s le p t w hen s h e s p ent th e n ig ht.
"G o lo ok w hat I g o t," s h e s a id , p oin tin g to th e b ro om c lo se t. I w ent a nd o pened it a nd s a w , tu ck ed in h er b ag, a fiv e-h und re d -p ie ce p uzzle w it h a p ic tu re o f M ount R ush m ore o n it . I t w as o ur fa vo rit e th in g to d o w hen s h e s ta yed o ver. That n ig ht, w e s a t fo r h o urs , m unchin g o n p eanuts , s if tin g th ro ugh th e p ie ces s p re ad o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le . A s to rm r a ged o uts id e, m ak in g th e r o om c o zy w hile w e p ic k ed o ut th e e d ges. T he bulb in th e k it c hen d im med th en b rig hte ned a gain .
"W hic h o ne h e?" C onsta ntin e a sk ed , s tu d yin g th e p uzzle b ox th ro ugh h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s.
"T hat's J e ffe rs o n." "O h it s u re is . W hat a b out h im ?" "T hat's --" I le aned o ver. " I th in k th at's . . . R oose velt ." "O nly o ne I r e co gniz e is L in co ln . H e lo ok lik e m y d ad dy." I s to pped , p uzzle p ie ce in h and . I w as fo urte en a nd h ad n ever m ad e le ss th an a n A . I w as s m art, b ut I w as a s n aiv e a s th ey c o m e. C onsta ntin e p ut th e b ox to p d ow n a nd lo oked o ver th e p ie ces a gain .
"B ecause y o ur d ad dy w as s o . . . ta ll? " I a sk ed .
She c huck le d . " C ause m y d ad dy w as w hit e . I g o t th e ta ll fr o m m y m am a." I p ut th e p ie ce d ow n. " Y our . . . fa th er w as w hit e a nd y o ur m oth er w as . . . c o lo re d ?" "Y up ," s h e s a id a nd s m ile d , s n ap pin g tw o p ie ces to geth er. " W ell, lo ok a th ere . G ot m e a m atc h." I h ad s o m any q uestio ns-- Who w as h e?
Where w as h e? I k new h e w asn 't m arrie d to C onsta ntin e's moth er, b ecause th at w as a gain st th e la w . I p ic k ed a c ig are tte fr o m m y s ta sh I 'd b ro ught to th e ta b le .
I w as fo urte en b ut, fe elin g v ery g ro w n u p , I lit it . A s I d id , th e o verh ead lig ht d im med to a d ull, d ir ty bro w n, b uzzin g s o ftly .
"O h, m y d ad dy lo oooved m e. A lw ays s a id I w as h is fa vo rit e ." S he le aned b ack in h er c hair . " H e use d to c o m e o ver to th e h o use e ver S atu rd ay a fte rn o on, a nd o ne tim e, h e g iv e m e a s e t a te n h air rib bons, te n d if fe re nt c o lo rs . B ro ught e m o ver fr o m P aris , m ad e o ut a J a p anese s ilk . I s a t in h is la p fr o m th e m in ute h e g o t th ere u ntil h e h ad to le ave a nd M am a'd p la y B essie S m it h o n th e V ic tr o la h e bru ng h er a nd h e a nd m e'd s in g:
It's m ig hty s tr a nge, w it h out a d oubt Nobody k now s y o u w hen y o u'r e d ow n a nd o ut I lis te ned w id e-e yed , s tu p id . G lo w in g b y h er v o ic e in th e d im lig ht. I f c ho co la te w as a s o und , it would 'v e b een C onsta ntin e's v o ic e s in gin g. I f s in gin g w as a c o lo r, it w ould 'v e b een th e c o lo r o f th at cho co la te .
"O ne tim e I w as b oo-h o oin g o ver h ard fe elin gs, I r e ck on I h ad a lis t a th in gs to b e u p se t a b out, bein g p oor, c o ld b ath s, r o tte n to oth , I d on't k no w . B ut h e h eld m e b y th e h ead , h ugged m e to h im fo r th e lo ngest tim e. W hen I lo oked u p , h e w as c ry in g to o a nd h e . . . d id th at th in g I d o to y o u s o yo u k no w I m ean it . P re ss h is th um b u p in m y h and a nd h e s a y . . . h e s o rry ." We s a t th ere , s ta rin g a t th e p uzzle p ie ces. M oth er w ould n't w ant m e to k no w th is , th at C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e , th at h e'd a p olo giz e d to h er fo r th e w ay th in gs w ere . I t w as s o m eth in g I w asn 't su p pose d to k no w . I fe lt lik e C onsta ntin e h ad g iv en m e a g if t.
I fin is h ed m y c ig are tte , s tu b bed it o ut in th e s ilv er g uest a sh tr a y. T he lig ht b rig hte ned a gain .
Consta ntin e s m ile d a t m e a nd I s m ile d b ack .
"H ow c o m e y o u n ever to ld m e th is b efo re ?" I s a id , lo okin g in to h er lig ht b ro w n e yes.
"I c an't te ll y o u e ver s in gle th in g, S keete r." "B ut w hy?" S he k new e very th in g a b out m e, e very th in g a b out m y fa m ily . W hy w ould I e ver k eep se cre ts fr o m h er?
She s ta re d a t m e a nd I s a w a d eep , b le ak s a d ness th ere , in sid e o f h er. A fte r a w hile , s h e s a id , "S om e th in gs I ju st g o t to k eep fo r m yse lf ." WHEN I T W as M Y T urn to g o o ff to c o lle ge, M oth er c rie d h er e yes o ut w hen D ad dy a nd I p ulle d aw ay in th e tr u ck . B ut I fe lt fr e e. I w as o ff th e fa rm , o ut fr o m u nd er th e c rit ic is m . I w ante d to a sk Moth er, Are n 't y o u g la d? A re n 't y o u r e lie v ed t h at y o u d on't h ave t o w orry -w art o ver m e e v ery day a nym ore ?
B ut M oth er lo oked m is e ra b le .
I w as th e h ap pie st p ers o n in m y fr e sh m an d orm . I w ro te C onsta ntin e a le tte r o nce a w eek , te llin g h er ab out m y r o om , th e c la sse s, th e s o ro rit y . I h ad to m ail h er le tte rs to th e fa rm s in ce th e p ost d id n't deliv er to H ots ta ck a nd I h ad to tr u st th at M oth er w ould n't o pen th em . T w ic e a m onth , C onsta ntin e wro te m e b ack o n p arc hm ent p ap er th at fo ld ed in to a n e nvelo pe. H er h and w rit in g w as la rg e a nd lo vely , a lt h o ugh it r a n a t a c ro oked a ngle d ow n th e p age. S he w ro te m e e very m und ane d eta il o f Longle af:
My b ack p ain s a re b ad b ut it 's m y f e et t h at a re w orse , o r The m ix er b ro ke o ff f ro m th e b ow l a nd f le w w ild a ro und t h e k it c h en a nd t h e c a t h olle re d a nd r a n o ff. I h aven 't s e en h er sin ce.
S he'd te ll m e th at D ad dy h ad a c hest c o ld o r th at R osa P ark s w as c o m in g to h er c hurc h to sp eak . O fte n s h e d em and ed to k no w if I w as h ap py a nd th e d eta ils o f th is . O ur le tte rs w ere lik e a yearlo ng c o nvers a tio n, a nsw erin g q uestio ns b ack a nd fo rth , c o ntin uin g fa ce-to -fa ce a t C hris tm as o r betw een s u m mer s c ho ol s e ssio ns.
Moth er's le tte rs s a id , Say y o ur p ra yers a nd Don't w ea r h eels b eca use t h ey m ake y o u t o o t a ll clip ped to a c heck fo r th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs .
In A pril o f m y s e nio r y ear, a le tte r c am e fr o m C onsta ntin e th at s a id , I h ave a s u rp ris e f o r y o u, Skeete r. I a m s o e x cit e d I a lm ost c a n't s ta nd m yse lf . A nd d on't y o u g o a sk in g m e a bout it neit h er. Y o u w ill s e e f o r y o urse lf w hen y o u c o m e h om e.
That w as c lo se to fin al e xam s, w it h g ra d uatio n o nly a m onth a w ay. A nd th at w as th e la st le tte r I e ver go t fr o m C onsta ntin e.
I S K IP PED M Y G RA DUATIO N C ER EM ONY a t O le M is s. A ll m y c lo se fr ie nd s h ad d ro pped o ut to g et m arrie d a nd I d id n't s e e th e p oin t in m ak in g M am a a nd D ad dy d riv e th re e h o urs ju st to w atc h me w alk a cro ss a s ta ge, w hen w hat M oth er r e ally w ante d w as to w atc h m e w alk d ow n th e a is le . I still h ad n't h eard fr o m H arp er & R ow , s o in ste ad o f b uyin g a p la ne tic k et to N ew Y ork , I r o de h o m e to J a ck so n in s o pho m ore K ay T urn er's B uic k , s q ueeze d in th e fr o nt w it h m y ty p ew rit e r a t m y fe et and h er w ed din g d re ss b etw een u s. K ay T urn er w as m arry in g P erc y S ta nho pe n ext m onth . F or th re e h o urs I lis te ned to h er w orry a b out c ak e fla vo rs .
When I g o t h o m e, M oth er s te p ped b ack to g et a b ette r lo ok a t m e. " W ell, y o ur s k in lo oks b eautif u l, " sh e s a id , " b ut y o ur h air . . ." S he s ig hed , s h o ok h er h ead .
"W here 's C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed . " In th e k it c hen?" And lik e s h e w as d eliv erin g th e w eath er, M oth er s a id , " C onsta ntin e is n o lo nger e m plo yed h ere .
Now le t's g et a ll th ese tr u nk s u np ack ed b efo re y o u r u in y o ur c lo th es." I tu rn ed a nd b lin k ed a t h er. I d id n't th in k I 'd h eard h er c o rre ctly . " W hat d id y o u s a y?" Moth er s to od s tr a ig hte r, s m ooth in g d ow n h er d re ss. " C onsta ntin e's g o ne, S keete r. S he w ent to liv e wit h h er p eo ple u p in C hic ago ." "B ut . . . w hat? S he d id n't s a y a nyth in g in h er le tte rs a b out C hic ago ." I k new th at w asn 't h er s u rp ris e .
She w ould 'v e to ld m e s u ch te rrib le n ew s im med ia te ly .
Moth er to ok a d eep b re ath , s tr a ig hte ned h er b ack . " I to ld C onsta ntin e s h e w asn 't to w rit e to y o u ab out le avin g. N ot in th e m id dle o f y o ur fin al e xam s. W hat if y o u'd flu nk ed a nd h ad to s ta y o n ano th er y ear? G od k no w s, fo ur y ears o f c o lle ge is m ore th an e no ugh." "A nd s h e . . . a gre ed to th at? N ot to w rit e m e a nd te ll m e s h e w as le avin g?" Moth er lo oked o ff, s ig hed . " W e'll d is c uss it la te r, E ugenia . C om e o n to th e k it c hen, le t m e in tr o duce yo u to th e n ew m aid , P asc ago ula ." But I d id n't fo llo w M oth er to th e k it c hen. I s ta re d d ow n a t m y c o lle ge tr u nk s, te rrif ie d b y th e th o ught of u np ack in g h ere . T he h o use fe lt v ast, e m pty . O uts id e, a c o m bin e w hir re d in a c o tto n fie ld .
By S ep te m ber, n o t o nly h ad I g iv en u p h o pe o f e ver h earin g b ack fr o m H arp er & R ow , I g ave u p o n ever fin d in g C onsta ntin e. N o o ne s e em ed to k no w a th in g o r h o w I c o uld r e ach h er. I fin ally s to pped ask in g p eo ple w hy C onsta ntin e h ad le ft. I t w as lik e s h e'd s im ply d is a p peare d . I h ad to a ccep t th at Consta ntin e, m y o ne tr u e a lly , h ad le ft m e to fe nd fo r m yse lf w it h th ese p eo ple .
ch ap te r 6 O N A H O T S EPTEM BER M ORN IN G, I w ak e u p in m y c hild ho od b ed , s lip o n th e h uara che s h o es m y b ro th er, C arlt o n, b ro ught m e b ack fr o m M exic o . A m an's p air s in ce, e vid ently , M exic an g ir ls ' fe et d on't g ro w to s iz e n in e-a nd -a -h alf . M oth er h ate s th em a nd s a ys th ey'r e tr a sh y-lo okin g.
O ver m y n ig htg o w n, I p ut o n o ne o f D ad dy's o ld b utto n-d ow n s h ir ts a nd s lip o ut th e fr o nt d oor.
M oth er is o n th e b ack p orc h w it h P asc ago ula a nd J a m eso w hile th ey s h uck o yste rs .
" Y ou c anno t le ave a N egro a nd a N ig ra to geth er u nchap ero ned ," M oth er'd w his p ere d to m e, a lo ng t im e a go . " It's n o t th eir fa ult , th ey ju st c an't h elp it ." I h ead d ow n th e s te p s to s e e if m y m ail- o rd er c o py o f Catc h er in t h e R ye is in th e b ox. I a lw ays o rd er th e b anned b ooks fr o m a b la ck m ark et d eale r in C alif o rn ia , fig urin g if th e S ta te o f M is sis sip pi b anned th em , th ey m ust b e g o od. B y th e tim e I r e ach th e e nd o f th e d riv e, m y h uara ches a nd a nk le s a re c o vere d w it h fin e y ello w d ust.
O n e it h er s id e o f m e, th e c o tto n fie ld s a re a g la rin g g re en, fa t w it h b olls . D ad dy lo st th e b ack fie ld s t o th e r a in la st m onth , b ut th e m ajo rit y b lo om ed u nharm ed . T he le aves a re ju st s ta rtin g to s p ot b ro w n w it h d efo lia nt a nd I c an s till s m ell th e s o ur c hem ic al in th e a ir . T here a re n o c ars o n th e C ounty R oad . I o pen th e m ailb ox.
A nd th ere , u nd ern eath M oth er's Ladie s' H om e J o urn al , is a le tte r a d dre sse d to M is s E ugenia P hela n. T he r e d r a is e d fo nt in th e c o rn er s a ys H arp er & R ow , P ub lis h ers . I te ar it o pen r ig ht th ere in t h e la ne, in n o th in g b ut m y lo ng n ig htg o w n a nd D ad dy's o ld B ro oks B ro th ers s h ir t.
S ep te m ber 4 , 1 962 D ea r M is s P hela n, I a m r e sp ondin g p erso nally t o y o ur r e su m e b eca use I f o und it a dm ir a ble t h at a y o ung la dy w it h a bso lu te ly n o w ork e x perie n ce w ould a pply f o r a n e d it in g j o b a t a p ublis h er a s p re stig io us a s o urs. A m in im um o f f iv e y ea rs in t h e b usin ess is m andato ry f o r s u ch a j o b.
Y o u'd k now t h is if y o u'd d one a ny a m ount o f r e se a rc h o n t h e b usin ess.
H avin g o nce b een a n a m bit io us y o ung la dy m yse lf , h ow ev er, I 'v e d ecid ed t o o ffe r y o u s o m e a dvic e: g o t o y o ur lo ca l n ew sp aper a nd g et a n e n tr y -le v el j o b. Y o u in clu ded in y o ur le tte r t h at y o u " im men se ly e n jo y w rit in g." W hen y o u'r e n ot m akin g m im eo gra phs o r f ix in g y o ur b oss's c o ffe e, lo ok a ro und, in vestig ate , a nd w rit e . D on't w aste y o ur t im e o n t h e o bvio us t h in gs. W rit e a bout w hat d is tu rb s y o u, p artic u la rly if it b oth ers n o o ne e ls e .
Y o urs s in cere ly , E la in e S te in , S en io r E dit o r, A dult B ook D iv is io n Belo w th e p ic a ty p e is a h and w rit te n n o te , in a c ho ppy b lu e s c ra w l:
P.S . I f y o u a re t r u ly s e rio us, I 'd b e w illin g t o lo ok o ver y o ur b est id ea s a nd g iv e m y o pin io n. I offe r t h is f o r n o b ette r r e a so n, M is s P hela n, t h an s o m eo ne o nce d id it f o r m e.
A tr u ck fu ll o f c o tto n r u m ble s b y o n th e C ounty R oad . T he N egro in th e p asse nger s id e le ans o ut and s ta re s. I 'v e fo rg o tte n I a m a w hit e g ir l in a th in n ig htg o w n. I h ave ju st r e ceiv ed c o rre sp ond ence, mayb e e ven e nco ura gem ent, fr o m N ew Y ork C it y a nd I s a y th e n am e a lo ud : " E la in e S te in ." I 'v e never m et a J e w is h p ers o n.
I r a ce b ack u p th e la ne, tr y in g to k eep th e le tte r fr o m fla p pin g in m y h and . I d on't w ant it w rin k le d . I dash u p th e s ta ir s w it h M oth er h o lle rin g to ta k e o ff th o se ta ck y M exic an m an s h o es, a nd I g et to work w rit in g d ow n e very g o ddam n th in g th at b oth ers m e in lif e , p artic ula rly th o se th at d o n o t s e em to fa ze a nyo ne e ls e . E la in e S te in 's w ord s a re r u nnin g h o t s ilv er th ro ugh m y v ein s a nd I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an. T urn s o ut, it is a s p ecta cula rly lo ng lis t.
By th e n ext d ay, I a m r e ad y to m ail m y fir s t le tte r to E la in e S te in , lis tin g th e id eas I th o ught w orth y jo urn alis m m ate ria l: th e p re vale nce o f illit e ra cy in M is sis sip pi; th e h ig h n um ber o f d ru nk -d riv in g accid ents in o ur c o unty ; th e lim it e d jo b o pportu nit ie s fo r w om en.
It's n o t u ntil a fte r I m ail th e le tte r th at I r e aliz e I p ro bab ly c ho se th o se id eas s h e w ould th in k im pre ssiv e, r a th er th an o nes I w as r e ally in te re ste d in .
I T A K E a D EEP B REATH a nd p ull o pen th e h eavy g la ss d oor. A fe m in in e lit tle b ell tin k le s h ello . A no t- so -fe m in in e r e cep tio nis t w atc hes m e. S he is e no rm ous a nd lo oks u nco m fo rta b le in th e s m all wooden c hair . " W elc o m e to th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.
C an I h elp y o u?" I h ad m ad e m y a p poin tm ent d ay b efo re y este rd ay, h ard ly a n h o ur a fte r I 'd r e ceiv ed E la in e S te in 's le tte r. I a sk ed fo r a n in te rv ie w fo r a ny p osit io n th ey m ig ht h ave. I w as s u rp ris e d th ey s a id th ey'd s e e me s o s o on.
"I'm h ere to s e e M is te r G old en, p le ase ." The r e cep tio nis t w ad dle s to th e b ack in h er te nte d d re ss. I tr y a nd c alm m y s h ak in g h and s. I p eek th ro ugh th e o pen d oor to a s m all, w ood-p anele d r o om in th e b ack . I n sid e, fo ur m en in s u it s b ang aw ay o n ty p ew rit e rs a nd s c ra tc h w it h p encils . T hey a re b ent o ver, h aggard , th re e w it h ju st a ho rs e sh o e o f h air le ft. T he r o om is g auzy w it h c ig are tte s m oke.
The r e cep tio nis t r e ap pears , th um bs m e to fo llo w h er, c ig are tte d anglin g in h er h and . " C om e o n back ." D esp it e m y n erv es, a ll I c an th in k o f is th e o ld c o lle ge r u le , A C hi O m eg a n ev er w alk s w it h a c ig are tte .
I fo llo w h er th ro ugh th e d esk s o f s ta rin g m en, th e h aze o f s m oke, to a n in te rio r o ffic e.
"C lo se th at th in g b ack ," M is te r G old en h o lle rs a s s o on a s I 'v e o pened th e d oor a nd s te p ped in .
"D on't le t a ll th at d am n s m oke in h ere ." Mis te r G old en s ta nd s u p b ehin d h is d esk . H e's a b out s ix in ches s h o rte r th an m e, tr im , y o unger th an my p are nts . H e h as lo ng te eth a nd a s n eer, th e g re ase d b la ck h air o f a m ean m an.
"D id n't y o u h ear? " h e s a id . " T hey a nno unced la st w eek c ig are tte s'll k ill y o u." "I h ad n't h eard th at." I c an o nly h o pe it h ad n't b een o n th e fr o nt p age o f h is n ew sp ap er.
"H ell, I k no w n ig gers a h und re d y ears o ld lo ok y o unger th an th o se id jit s o ut th ere ." H e s it s b ack dow n, b ut I k eep s ta nd in g b ecause th ere a re n o o th er c hair s in th e r o om .
"A lr ig ht, le t's s e e w hat y o u g o t." I h and h im m y r e su m e a nd s a m ple a rtic le s I 'd w rit te n in s c ho ol. I gre w u p w it h th e Jo urn al s it tin g o n o ur k it c hen ta b le , o pen to th e fa rm r e p ort o r th e lo cal s p orts page. I r a re ly h ad tim e to r e ad it m yse lf .
Mis te r G old en d oesn 't ju st lo ok a t m y p ap ers , h e e d it s th em w it h a r e d p encil. " M urra h H ig h e d it o r th re e y ears , Reb el R ouse r e d it o r tw o y ears , C hi O mega e d it o r th re e y ears , d oub le m ajo r E nglis h and jo urn alis m , g ra d uate d n um ber fo ur...
Dam n , g ir l, " h e m utte rs , " d id n't y o u h ave any fu n?" I c le ar m y th ro at. " Is . . . th at im porta nt? " He lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'r e p eculia rly ta ll b ut I 'd th in k a p re tty g ir l lik e y o u'd b e d atin g th e w ho le go ddam n b ask etb all te am ." I s ta re a t h im , n o t s u re if h e's m ak in g fu n o f m e o r p ayin g m e a c o m plim ent.
"I a ssu m e y o u k no w h o w to c le an . . ." H e lo oks b ack to m y a rtic le s, s tr ik es th em w it h v io le nt r e d mark s.
My fa ce flu sh es h o t a nd q uic k . " C le an? I 'm n o t h ere to c le an. I 'm h ere to writ e ." Cig are tte s m oke is b le ed in g u nd er th e d oor. I t's lik e th e e ntir e p la ce is o n fir e . I fe el s o s tu p id th at I th o ught I c o uld ju st w alk in a nd g et a jo b a s a jo urn alis t.
He s ig hs h eavily , h and s m e a th ic k fo ld er o f p ap ers . " I g uess y o u'll d o. M is s M yrn a's g o ne s h it - h o use cra zy o n u s, d ru nk h air s p ra y o r s o m eth in g. R ead th e a rtic le s, w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e s h e d oes, no body'll k no w th e d am n d if fe re nce." "I . . . w hat? " A nd I ta k e th e fo ld er b ecause I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to d o. I h ave n o id ea w ho th is Mis s M yrn a is . I a sk th e o nly s a fe q uestio n I c an th in k o f. " H ow m uch . . . d id y o u s a y it p ays? " He g iv es m e a s u rp ris in gly a p pre cia tiv e lo ok, fr o m m y fla t s h o es to m y fla t h air s ty le . S om e d orm ant in stin ct te lls m e to s m ile , r u n m y h and th ro ugh m y h air . I fe el r id ic ulo us, b ut I d o it .
"E ig ht d olla rs , e very M ond ay." I n o d, tr y in g to fig ure o ut h o w to a sk h im w hat th e jo b is w it h o ut g iv in g m yse lf a w ay.
He le ans fo rw ard . " Y ou d o k no w w ho M is s M yrn a is , d on't y o u?" "O f c o urs e . W e . . . g ir ls r e ad h er a ll th e tim e," I s a y, a nd a gain w e s ta re a t e ach o th er lo ng e no ugh fo r a d is ta nt te le p ho ne to r in g th re e tim es.
"W hat th en? E ig ht's n o t e no ugh? J e su s, w om an, g o c le an y o ur h usb and 's to ile t fo r fr e e." I b it e m y lip . B ut b efo re I c an u tte r a nyth in g, h e r o lls h is e yes.
"A lr ig ht, te n .
C opy's d ue o n T hurs d ays. A nd if I d on't lik e y o ur s ty le , I 'm n o t p rin tin g it o r p ayin g yo u s q uat." I ta k e th e fo ld er, th ank h im m ore th an I p ro bab ly s h o uld . H e ig no re s m e a nd p ic k s u p h is p ho ne a nd mak es a c all b efo re I 'm e ven o ut th e d oor. W hen I g et to m y c ar, I s in k d ow n in to th e s o ft C ad illa c le ath er. I s it th ere s m ilin g, r e ad in g th e p ages in th e fo ld er.
I ju st g o t a jo b.
I C O M E H O M E S TA N DIN G u p s tr a ig hte r th an I h ave s in ce I w as tw elv e, b efo re m y g ro w th s p urt.
I a m b uzzin g w it h p rid e. E ven th o ugh e very c ell in m y b ra in s a ys d o n o t, s o m eho w I c anno t r e sis t te llin g M oth er. I r u sh in to th e r e la xin g r o om a nd te ll h er e very th in g a b out h o w I 'v e g o tte n a jo b writ in g M is s M yrn a, th e w eek ly c le anin g a d vic e c o lu m n.
"O h th e ir o ny o f it ." S he le ts o ut a s ig h th at m eans lif e is h ard ly w orth liv in g u nd er s u ch c o nd it io ns.
Pasc ago ula fr e sh ens h er ic ed te a.
"A t le ast it 's a s ta rt," I s a y.
"A s ta rt a t w hat? G iv in g a d vic e o n h o w to k eep u p a h o m e w hen . . ." S he s ig hs a gain , lo ng a nd s lo w lik e a d efla tin g tir e .
I lo ok a w ay, w ond erin g if e very o ne in to w n w ill b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. A lr e ad y th e jo y is fle etin g.
"E ugenia , y o u d on't e ven k no w h o w to p olis h s ilv er, m uch le ss a d vis e o n h o w to k eep a h o use cle an." I h ug th e fo ld er to m y c hest. S he's r ig ht, I w on't k no w h o w to a nsw er a ny o f th e q uestio ns. S till, I th o ught s h e'd a t le ast b e p ro ud o f m e.
"A nd y o u w ill n ever m eet a nyb ody s it tin g a t th at ty p ew rit e r. E ugenia , h ave s o m e s e nse ." Anger w ork s it s w ay u p m y a rm s. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht a gain . " Y ou th in k I want to liv e h ere ? W it h yo u ?" I la ugh in a w ay I 'm h o pin g w ill h urt h er.
I s e e th e q uic k p ain in h er e yes. S he p re sse s h er lip s to geth er a t th e s tin g. S till, I h ave n o d esir e to ta k e b ack m y w ord s b ecause fin ally , fin ally , I h ave s a id s o m eth in g s h e's lis te nin g to .
I s ta nd th ere , r e fu sin g to le ave. I w ant to h ear w hat s h e'll s a y to th is . I w ant to h ear h er s a y s h e's so rry .
"I n eed to . . . a sk y o u s o m eth in g, E ugenia ." S he tw is ts h er h and kerc hie f, g rim aces. " I r e ad th e o th er day a b out h o w s o m e . . . s o m e g ir ls g et u nb ala nced , s ta rt th in k in g th ese --w ell, th ese u n natu ra l th o ughts ." I h ave n o id ea w hat s h e's ta lk in g a b out. I lo ok u p a t th e c eilin g fa n. S om eo ne's s e t it g o in g to o fa st.
Cla ck ety -c la ck ety -c la ck ety . . .
"A re y o u . . . d o y o u . . . fin d m en a ttr a ctiv e? A re y o u h avin g u nnatu ra l th o ughts a b out . . ." S he sh uts h er e yes tig ht. " G ir ls o r- -o r w om en?" I s ta re a t h er, w is h in g th e c eilin g fa n w ould fly fr o m it s p ost, c ra sh d ow n o n u s b oth .
"B ecause it s a id in th is a rtic le th ere 's a c ure , a s p ecia l r o ot te a--" "M oth er," I s a y, s h uttin g m y e yes tig ht. " I w ant to b e w it h g ir ls a s m uch a s y o u'd lik e to b e w it h . . .
Ja m eso ." I h ead fo r th e d oor. B ut I g la nce b ehin d m e. " I m ean, u nle ss, o f c o urs e , y o u d o?" Moth er s tr a ig hte ns, g asp s. I p ound u p th e s ta ir s .
TH E N EX T D AY, I s ta ck th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs in a n eat p ile . I h ave th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs in m y p urs e , th e m onth ly a llo w ance M oth er s till g iv es m e. I g o d ow nsta ir s w earin g a th ic k C hris tia n s m ile . L iv in g at h o m e, w henever I w ant to le ave L ongle af, I h ave to a sk M oth er if I c an b orro w h er c ar. W hic h means s h e'll a sk w here I 'm g o in g. W hic h m eans I h ave to lie to h er o n a d aily b asis , w hic h is in it s e lf enjo yab le b ut a lit tle d egra d in g a t th e s a m e tim e.
"I'm g o in g d ow n to th e c hurc h, s e e if th ey n eed a ny h elp g ettin g r e ad y fo r S und ay s c ho ol. " "O h, d arlin g, th at's ju st w ond erfu l. T ak e y o ur tim e w it h th e c ar." I d ecid ed , la st n ig ht, w hat I n eed is a p ro fe ssio nal to h elp m e w it h th e c o lu m n. M y fir s t id ea w as to ask P asc ago ula , b ut I h ard ly k no w h er. P lu s I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M oth er n o sin g a ro und , crit ic iz in g m e a ll o ver a gain . H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay, is s o s h y I d oub t s h e'd w ant to h elp m e. T he only o th er m aid I s e e o fte n e no ugh is E liz a b eth 's m aid , A ib ile en. A ib ile en r e m in d s m e o f C onsta ntin e in a w ay. P lu s s h e's o ld er a nd s e em s to h ave p le nty o f e xp erie nce. On m y w ay to E liz a b eth 's , I g o b y th e B en F ra nk lin s to re a nd b uy a c lip board , a b ox o f n um ber tw o pencils , a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook. M y fir s t c o lu m n is d ue to m orro w , o n M is te r G old en's d esk b y tw o o'c lo ck .
"S keete r, c o m e o n in ." E liz a b eth o pens h er o w n fr o nt d oor a nd I fe ar A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e w ork in g to day. S he h as o n a b lu e b ath ro be a nd ju m bo-siz e d r o lle rs , m ak in g h er h ead lo ok h uge, h er b ody even m ore w aif - lik e th an it is . E liz a b eth g enera lly h as r o lle rs in a ll d ay, c an n ever g et h er th in h air fu ll eno ugh.
"S orry I 'm s u ch a m ess. M ae M oble y k ep t m e u p h alf th e n ig ht a nd n o w I d on't e ven k no w w here Aib ile en's g o tte n o ff to ." I s te p in sid e th e tin y fo yer. I t's a lo w -c eilin ged h o use w it h s m all r o om s. E very th in g h as a s e co nd hand lo ok--th e fa d ed b lu e flo ra l c urta in s, th e c ro oked c o ver o n th e c o uch. I h ear R ale ig h's n ew acco untin g b usin ess is n 't d oin g w ell. M ayb e u p in N ew Y ork o r s o m ew here it 's a g o od th in g, b ut in Ja ck so n, M is sis sip pi, p eo ple ju st d on't c are to d o b usin ess w it h a r u d e, c o nd esc end in g a ssh o le .
Hilly 's c ar is o ut fr o nt, b ut s h e's n o w here to b e s e en. E liz a b eth s it s a t th e s e w in g m achin e s h e h as o n th e d in in g r o om ta b le . " I'm a lm ost d one," s h e s a ys. " L et m e ju st h em th is la st s e am . . ." E liz a b eth sta nd s, h o ld s u p a g re en c hurc h d re ss w it h a r o und w hit e c o lla r. " N ow b e h o nest," s h e w his p ers w it h eyes th at a re p le ad in g fo r m e to b e a nyth in g b ut. " D oes it lo ok h o m em ad e?" The h em o n o ne s id e h angs lo nger th an th e o th er. I t's w rin k le d a nd a c uff is a lr e ad y fr a yin g. " O ne hund re d p erc ent s to re -b ought. S tr a ig ht fr o m M ais o n B la nche's ," I s a y b ecause th at is E liz a b eth 's dre am s to re . I t is fiv e s to rie s o f e xp ensiv e c lo th es o n C anal S tr e et in N ew O rle ans, c lo th es th at co uld n ever b e fo und in J a ck so n. E liz a b eth g iv es m e a g ra te fu l s m ile .
"M ae M oble y's s le ep in g?" I a sk .
"F in ally ." E liz a b eth fid dle s w it h a c lu m p o f h air th at's s lip ped o ut o f h er r o lle r, g rim aces a t it s obstin acy. S om etim es h er v o ic e ta k es o n a h ard e d ge w hen s h e ta lk s a b out h er lit tle g ir l.
The d oor to th e g uest b ath ro om in th e h all o pens a nd H illy c o m es o ut ta lk in g, " . . . s o m uch b ette r.
Every b ody h as th eir o w n p la ce to g o n o w ." Eliz a b eth fid dle s w it h th e m achin e n eed le , s e em s w orrie d b y it .
"Y ou te ll R ale ig h I s a id Yo u a re w elc o m e ," H illy a d ds, a nd it h it s m e, th en, w hat's b ein g s a id .
Aib ile en h as h er o w n b ath ro om in th e g ara ge n o w .
Hilly s m ile s a t m e a nd I r e aliz e s h e's a b out to b rin g u p th e in it ia tiv e. " H ow 's y o ur m am a?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I k no w th is is h er le ast fa vo rit e s u b je ct. " S he g et s e ttle d in th e h o m e a lr ig ht? " "I g uess." H illy p ulls h er r e d s w eate r d ow n o ver th e p ud gy r o ll in h er w ais t. S he h as o n r e d -a nd - gre en p la id p ants th at s e em to m agnif y h er b otto m , m ak in g it r o und er a nd m ore fo rc efu l th an e ver.
"O f c o urs e s h e d oesn 't a p pre cia te a th in g I d o. I h ad to fir e th at m aid fo r h er, c aught h er tr y in g to ste al th e d am n s ilv er r ig ht u nd er m y n o se ." H illy n arro w s h er e yes a b it . " Y 'a ll h aven't h eard , b y th e way, if th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g s o m ew here , h ave y o u?" We s h ak e o ur h ead s n o .
"I d oub t s h e'll fin d w ork in th is to w n a gain ," E liz a b eth s a ys.
Hilly n o ds, m ullin g th is o ver. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , a nxio us to te ll th em m y n ew s.
"I ju st g o t a jo b a t th e Ja ck so n J o urn al ," I s a y.
There is q uie t in th e r o om . S ud denly E liz a b eth s q ueals . H illy s m ile s a t m e w it h s u ch p rid e, I b lu sh and s h ru g, lik e it 's n o t th at b ig o f a d eal.
"T hey'd b e a fo ol n o t to h ir e y o u, S keete r P hela n," H illy s a ys a nd r a is e s h er ic ed te a a s a to ast.
"S o . . . u m , h ave e it h er o f y 'a ll a ctu ally r e ad M is s M yrn a?" I a sk .
"W ell n o ," H illy s a ys. " B ut I b et th e p oor w hit e tr a sh g ir ls in S outh J a ck so n r e ad it lik e th e K in g Ja m es." Eliz a b eth n o ds. " A ll th o se p oor g ir ls w it h o ut h elp , I b et th ey d o." "W ould y o u m in d if I ta lk ed to A ib ile en?" I a sk E liz a b eth . " T o h elp m e a nsw er s o m e o f th e le tte rs ? " Eliz a b eth is v ery s till a s e co nd . " A ib ile en?
My A ib ile en?" " I s u re d on't k no w th e a nsw ers to th ese q uestio ns." "W ell . . . I m ean, a s lo ng a s it d oesn 't in te rfe re w it h h er w ork ." I p ause , s u rp ris e d b y th is a ttit u d e. B ut I r e m in d m yse lf th at E liz a b eth is p ayin g h er, a fte r a ll.
"A nd n o t to day w it h M ae M oble y a b out to g et u p o r e ls e I 'll h ave to lo ok a fte r h er m yse lf ." "O kay. M ayb e . . . m ayb e I 'll c o m e b y to m orro w m orn in g th en?" I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and . I f I fin is h ta lk in g to A ib ile en b y m id m orn in g, I 'll h ave tim e to r u sh h o m e to ty p e it u p , th en g et it b ack to to w n b y tw o.
Eliz a b eth fr o w ns d ow n a t h er s p ool o f g re en th re ad . " A nd o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s. T om orro w 's silv er- p olis h in g d ay." "It w on't b e lo ng, I p ro m is e ," I s a y.
Eliz a b eth is s ta rtin g to s o und ju st lik e m y m oth er.
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G A T T EN , E liz a b eth o pens h er d oor, n o ds a t m e lik e a s c ho olt e acher. "A lr ig ht. G o o n in . A nd n o t to o lo ng n o w . M ae M oble y'll b e w ak in g u p a ny tim e." I w alk in to th e k it c hen, m y n o te b ook a nd p ap ers u nd er m y a rm . A ib ile en s m ile s a t m e fr o m th e s in k , her g o ld to oth s h in in g. S he's a lit tle p lu m p in th e m id dle , b ut it is a fr ie nd ly s o ftn ess. A nd s h e's m uch sh o rte r th an m e, b ecause w ho is n 't ? H er s k in is d ark b ro w n a nd s h in y a gain st h er s ta rc hy w hit e unif o rm . H er e yeb ro w s a re g ra y e ven th o ugh h er h air is b la ck .
"H ey, M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s till a t th e m achin e?" "Y es." I t's s tr a nge, e ven a fte r a ll th ese m onth s h o m e, to h ear E liz a b eth b ein g c alle d M is s L eefo lt - -n o t Mis s E liz a b eth o r e ven h er m aid en n am e, M is s F re d eric k s.
"M ay I ? " I p oin t to th e r e fr ig era to r. B ut b efo re I c an h elp m yse lf , A ib ile en's o pened it fo r m e.
"W hat y o u w ant? A C o-C ola ?" I n o d a nd s h e p ops th e c ap o ff w it h th e o pener m ounte d o n th e c o unte r, p ours it in to a g la ss.
"A ib ile en"- -I ta k e a d eep b re ath --"I w as w ond erin g if I c o uld g et y o ur h elp o n s o m eth in g." I te ll h er ab out th e c o lu m n th en, g ra te fu l w hen s h e n o ds th at s h e k no w s w ho M is s M yrn a is .
"S o m ayb e I c o uld r e ad y o u s o m e o f th e le tte rs a nd y o u c o uld ... h elp m e w it h th e a nsw ers . A fte r a while , m ayb e I 'll c atc h o n a nd . . ." I s to p. T here is n o w ay I 'll e ver b e a b le to a nsw er c le anin g questio ns m yse lf . H onestly , I h ave n o in te ntio n o f le arn in g h o w to c le an. " It s o und s u nfa ir , d oesn 't it , me ta k in g y o ur a nsw ers a nd a ctin g lik e th ey'r e m in e. O r M yrn a's , I m ean." I s ig h.
Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I d on't m in d th at. I ju st a in 't s o s u re M is s L eefo lt g o ne a p pro ve." "S he s a id it w as a lr ig ht." "D urin g m y r e gula r h o urs w ork in g?" I n o d, r e m em berin g th e p ro prie ty in E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.
"A lr ig ht th en." A ib ile en s h ru gs. S he lo oks u p a t th e c lo ck a b ove th e s in k . " I p ro bab ly h ave to s to p when M ae M oble y g ets u p ." "S ho uld w e s it ? " I p oin t to th e k it c hen ta b le .
Aib ile en g la nces a t th e s w in gin g d oor. " Y ou g o h ead , I 'm fin e s ta nd in g." I s p ent la st n ig ht r e ad in g e very M is s M yrn a a rtic le fr o m th e p re vio us fiv e y ears , b ut I h aven't h ad tim e to s o rt th ro ugh th e u nansw ere d le tte rs y et. I s tr a ig hte n m y c lip board , p encil in h and . " H ere 's a le tte r fr o m R ank in C ounty .
" ' Dea r M is s M yrn a, ' " I r e ad , " 'h ow d o I r e m ove t h e r in gs f ro m m y f a t s lo ven ly h usb and's sh ir t c o lla r w hen h e is s u ch a p ig a nd . . . a nd s w ea ts lik e o ne t o o . . .' " Wond erfu l. A c o lu m n o n c le anin g a nd r e la tio nsh ip s.
Tw o th in gs I k no w a b so lu te ly n o th in g a b out.
"W hic h o ne s h e w ant a g et r id o f? " A ib ile en a sk s. " T he r in gs o r th e h usb and ?" I s ta re a t th e p age. I w ould n't k no w h o w to in str u ct h er to d o e it h er o ne.
"T ell h er a v in egar a nd P in e-S ol s o ak . T hen le t it s e t in th e s u n a lit tle w hile ." I w rit e it q uic k ly o n m y p ad . " S it in th e s u n fo r h o w lo ng?" "B out a n h o ur. L et it d ry ." I p ull o ut th e n ext le tte r a nd , ju st a s q uic k ly , s h e a nsw ers it . A fte r fo ur o r fiv e, I e xhale , r e lie ved .
"T hank y o u, A ib ile en. Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch th is h elp s." "A in 't n o tr o ub le . L ong a s M is s L eefo lt d on't n eed m e." I g ath er u p m y p ap ers a nd ta k e a la st s ip o f m y C oke, le ttin g m yse lf r e la x fo r fiv e s e co nd s b efo re I have to g o w rit e th e a rtic le . A ib ile en p ic k s th ro ugh a s a ck o f g re en fid dle head s. T he r o om is q uie t excep t fo r th e r a d io p la yin g s o ftly , P re acher G re en a gain .
"H ow d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e? W ere y o u r e la te d ?" "W e . . . in th e s a m e c hurc h c ir c le ." A ib ile en s h if ts h er fe et in fr o nt o f th e s in k .
I fe el w hat h as b eco m e a fa m ilia r s tin g. " S he d id n't e ven le ave a n a d dre ss. I ju st- -I c an't b elie ve s h e quit lik e th at." Aib ile en k eep s h er e yes d ow n. S he s e em s to b e s tu d yin g th e fid dle head s v ery c are fu lly . " N o, I 'm rig ht s u re s h e w as le t g o ." "N o, M am a s a id s h e q uit . B ack in A pril. W ent to liv e u p in C hic ago w it h h er p eo ple ." Aib ile en p ic k s u p a no th er fid dle head , s ta rts w ash in g it s lo ng s te m , th e c urly g re en e nd s. " N o m a'a m ," sh e s a ys a fte r a p ause .
It ta k es m e a fe w s e co nd s to r e aliz e w hat w e'r e ta lk in g a b out h ere .
"A ib ile en," I s a y, tr y in g to c atc h h er e ye. " Y ou r e ally th in k C onsta ntin e w as fir e d ?" But A ib ile en's fa ce h as g o ne b la nk a s th e b lu e s k y. " I m ust b e m is re m em orin g," s h e s a ys a nd I c an te ll s h e th in k s s h e's s a id to o m uch to a w hit e w om an.
We h ear M ae M oble y c allin g o ut a nd A ib ile en e xcuse s h ers e lf a nd h ead s th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor.
A fe w s e co nd s p ass b efo re I h ave th e s e nse to g o h o m e.
WHEN I W alk in T H E H O USE te n m in ute s la te r, M oth er is r e ad in g a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .
"M oth er," I s a y, c lu tc hin g m y n o te b ook to m y c hest, " d id y o u fir e C onsta ntin e?" "D id I . . .
what ?" M oth er a sk s. B ut I k no w s h e's h eard m e b ecause s h e's s e t th e D AR n ew sle tte r dow n. I t ta k es a h ard q uestio n to p ull h er e yes o ff th at r iv etin g m ate ria l.
"E ugenia , I to ld y o u, h er s is te r w as s ic k s o s h e w ent u p to C hic ago to liv e w it h h er p eo ple ," s h e sa ys. " W hy? W ho to ld y o u d if fe re nt? " I w ould n ever in a m illio n y ears te ll h er it w as A ib ile en. " I h eard it th is a fte rn o on. I n to w n." "W ho w ould ta lk a b out s u ch a th in g?" M oth er n arro w s h er e yes b ehin d h er r e ad in g g la sse s. " It must'v e b een o ne o f th e o th er N ig ra s." "W hat d id y o u do to h er, M oth er? " Moth er lic k s h er lip s, g iv es m e a g o od, lo ng lo ok o ver h er b if o cals . " Y ou w ould n't u nd ers ta nd , Eugenia . N ot u ntil y o u'v e h ir e d h elp o f y o ur o w n." "Y ou . . .
fir e d h er? F or w hat? " "It d oesn 't m atte r. I t's b ehin d m e n o w a nd I ju st w on't th in k a b out it a no th er m in ute ." "M oth er, s h e r a is e d m e. Y ou te ll m e r ig ht n o w w hat h ap pened !" I 'm d is g uste d b y th e s q ueak in ess o f my v o ic e, th e c hild is h s o und o f m y d em and s.
Moth er r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s a t m y to ne, ta k es h er g la sse s o ff. " It w as n o th in g b ut a c o lo re d th in g.
And th at's a ll I 'm s a yin g." S he p uts h er g la sse s b ack o n a nd lif ts h er D AR s h eet to h er e yes.
I'm s h ak in g, I 'm s o m ad . I p ound m y w ay u p th e s ta ir s . I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r, s tu nned th at m y moth er c o uld c ast o ff s o m eo ne w ho 'd d one h er th e b ig gest fa vo r o f h er lif e , r a is e h er c hild re n, te ach me k in d ness a nd s e lf - re sp ect. I s ta re a cro ss m y r o om a t th e r o se w allp ap er, th e e yele t c urta in s, th e yello w in g p ho to gra p hs s o fa m ilia r th ey a re n early c o nte m ptib le . C onsta ntin e w ork ed fo r o ur fa m ily fo r tw enty -n in e y ears .
FO R T H E N EX T W EEK , D ad dy r is e s b efo re d aw n. I w ak e to tr u ck m oto rs , th e c hug o f th e co m bin es s ta rtin g, th e h o lle rs to h urry . T he fie ld s a re b ro w n a nd c ris p w it h d ead c o tto n s ta lk s, defo lia te d s o th e m achin es c an g et to th e b olls . C otto n h arv est is h ere .
Dad dy d oesn 't e ven s to p fo r c hurc h d urin g h arv est tim e, b ut o n S und ay n ig ht, I c atc h h im in th e dusk y h all, b etw een h is s u p per a nd s le ep . " D ad dy?" I a sk . " W ill y o u te ll m e w hat h ap pened to Consta ntin e?" He is s o d og-tir e d , h e s ig hs b efo re h e a nsw ers .
"H ow c o uld M oth er fir e h er, D ad dy?" "W hat? D arlin ', C onsta ntin e q uit . Y ou k no w y o ur m oth er w ould n ever fir e h er." H e lo oks dis a p poin te d in m e fo r a sk in g s u ch a th in g.
"D o y o u k no w w here s h e w ent? O r h ave h er a d dre ss? " He s h ak es h is h ead n o . " A sk y o ur m am a, s h e'll k no w ." H e p ats m y s h o uld er. " P eo ple m ove o n, Skeete r. B ut I w is h s h e'd s ta yed d ow n h ere w it h u s." He w and ers d ow n th e h all to b ed . H e is to o h o nest a m an to h id e th in gs s o I k no w h e d oesn 't h ave any m ore fa cts a b out it th an I d o.
That w eek a nd e very w eek , s o m etim es tw ic e, I s to p b y E liz a b eth 's to ta lk to A ib ile en. E ach tim e, Eliz a b eth lo oks a lit tle w arie r. T he lo nger I s ta y in th e k it c hen, th e m ore c ho re s E liz a b eth c o m es u p wit h u ntil I le ave: th e d oork no bs n eed p olis h in g, th e to p o f th e r e fr ig era to r n eed s d ustin g, M ae Moble y's fin gern ails c o uld u se a tr im . A ib ile en is n o m ore th an c o rd ia l w it h m e, n erv o us, s ta nd s a t th e k it c hen s in k a nd n ever s to ps w ork in g. I t's n o t lo ng b efo re I a m a head o f c o py a nd M is te r Gold en s e em s p le ase d w it h th e c o lu m n, th e fir s t tw o o f w hic h o nly to ok m e a b out tw enty m in ute s to writ e .
And e very w eek , I a sk A ib ile en a b out C onsta ntin e. C an't s h e g et h er a d dre ss fo r m e? C an't s h e te ll me a nyth in g a b out w hy s h e g o t fir e d ? W as th ere a b ig to -d o, b ecause I ju st c an't im agin e Consta ntin e s a yin g yes m a'a m a nd w alk in g o ut th e b ack d oor. M am a'd g et c ro ss w it h h er a b out a ta rn is h ed s p oon a nd C onsta ntin e w ould s e rv e h er to ast b urn ed u p fo r a w eek . I c an o nly im agin e ho w a fir in g w ould 'v e g o ne.
It h ard ly m atte rs , th o ugh, b ecause a ll A ib ile en w ill d o is s h ru g a t m e, s a y s h e d on't k no w n o th in g.
One a fte rn o on, a fte r a sk in g A ib ile en h o w to g et o ut to ugh tu b r in gs ( n ever h avin g s c ru b bed a bath tu b in m y lif e ), I c o m e h o m e. I w alk p ast th e r e la xin g r o om . T he te le vis io n s e t is o n a nd I g la nce at it . P asc ago ula 's s ta nd in g a b out fiv e in ches a w ay fr o m th e s c re en. I h ear th e w ord s Ole M is s a nd on th e fu zzy s c re en I s e e w hit e m en in d ark s u it s c ro w din g th e c am era , s w eat r u nnin g o ff th eir b ald head s. I c o m e c lo se r a nd s e e a N egro m an, a b out m y a ge, s ta nd in g in th e m id dle o f th e w hit e m en, wit h A rm y m en b ehin d h im . T he p ic tu re p ans b ack a nd th ere is m y o ld a d m in is tr a tio n b uild in g.
Govern o r R oss B arn ett s ta nd s w it h h is a rm s c ro sse d , lo okin g th e ta ll N egro in th e e ye. N ext to th e go vern o r is o ur S enato r W hit w orth , w ho se s o n H illy 's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p w it h o n a b lin d d ate .
I w atc h th e te le vis io n, r iv ete d . Y et I a m n eit h er th rille d n o r d is a p poin te d b y th e n ew s th at th ey m ig ht le t a c o lo re d m an in to O le M is s, ju st s u rp ris e d . P asc ago ula , th o ugh, is b re ath in g s o lo ud I c an h ear her. S he s ta nd s s to ck -still, n o t a w are I a m b ehin d h er. R oger S tic k er, o ur lo cal r e p orte r, is n erv o us, sm ilin g, ta lk in g fa st. " P re sid ent K enned y h as o rd ere d th e g o vern o r to s te p a sid e fo r J a m es M ere d it h , I r e p eat, th e P re sid ent o f th e U nit e d --" "E ugenia , P asc ago ula ! T urn th at s e t o ff r ig ht th is m in ute !" Pasc ago ula je rk s a ro und to s e e m e a nd M oth er. S he r u sh es o ut o f th e r o om , h er e yes to th e flo or.
"N ow , I w on't h ave it , E ugenia ," M oth er w his p ers . " I w on't h ave y o u e nco ura gin g th em lik e th at." "E nco ura gin g? I t's n atio nw id e n ew s, M am a." Moth er s n if fs . " It is n o t a p pro pria te fo r th e tw o o f y o u to w atc h to geth er," a nd s h e flip s th e c hannel, sto ps o n a n a fte rn o on r e ru n o f L aw re nce W elk .
"L ook, is n 't th is s o m uch n ic er? " On a H O T S ATU RD AY in la te S ep te m ber, th e c o tto n fie ld s c ho pped a nd e m pty , D ad dy c arrie s a new R C A c o lo r te le vis io n s e t in to th e h o use . H e m oves th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e o ne to th e k it c hen.
Sm ilin g a nd p ro ud , h e p lu gs th e n ew T V in to th e w all o f th e r e la xin g r o om . T he O le M is s v ers u s LSU fo otb all g am e b la re s th ro ugh th e h o use fo r th e r e st o f th e a fte rn o on.
Mam a, o f c o urs e , is g lu ed to th e c o lo r p ic tu re , o ohin g a nd a ahin g a t th e v ib ra nt r e d s a nd b lu es o f th e te am . S he a nd D ad dy liv e b y R eb el fo otb all. S he's d re sse d u p in r e d w ool p ants d esp it e th e sw elt e rin g h eat a nd h as D ad dy's o ld K ap pa A lp ha b la nk et d ra p ed o n th e c hair . N o o ne m entio ns Ja m es M ere d it h , th e c o lo re d s tu d ent th ey le t in .
I ta k e th e C ad illa c a nd h ead in to to w n. M oth er fin d s it in exp lic ab le th at I d on't w ant to w atc h m y alm a m ate r th ro w a b all a ro und . B ut E liz a b eth a nd h er fa m ily a re a t H illy 's w atc hin g th e g am e s o Aib ile en's w ork in g in th e h o use a lo ne. I 'm h o pin g it 'll b e a lit tle e asie r o n A ib ile en if E liz a b eth 's n o t th ere . T ru th is , I 'm h o pin g s h e'll te ll m e s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, a b out C onsta ntin e.
Aib ile en le ts m e in a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e k it c hen. S he s e em s o nly th e s m alle st b it m ore re la xed in E liz a b eth 's e m pty h o use . S he e yes th e k it c hen ta b le , lik e s h e w ants to s it to day. B ut w hen I a sk h er, s h e a nsw ers , " N o, I 'm fin e. Y ou g o h ead ." S he ta k es a to m ato fr o m a p an in th e s in k a nd sta rts to p eel it w it h a k nif e .
So I le an a gain st th e c o unte r a nd p re se nt th e la te st c o nund ru m : h o w to k eep th e d ogs fr o m g ettin g in to y o ur tr a sh cans o uts id e. B ecause y o ur la zy h usb and fo rg ets to p ut it o ut o n th e r ig ht p ic k -u p d ay.
Sin ce h e d rin k s a ll th at d am n b eer.
"J u st p our s o m e p neum onia in th at g arb age. D ogs w on't s o m uch a s w in k a t th em c ans." I jo t it dow n, a m end in g it to a m monia , a nd p ic k o ut th e n ext le tte r. W hen I lo ok u p , A ib ile en's k in d o f sm ilin g a t m e.
"I d on't m ean n o th in g d is re sp ectfu l, M is s S keete r, b ut . . . a in 't it k in d a s tr a nge y o u b ein g th e n ew Mis s M yrn a w hen y o u d on't k no w n o th in g a b out h o use k eep in g?" She d id n't s a y it th e w ay M oth er d id , a m onth a go . I fin d m yse lf la ughin g in ste ad , a nd I te ll h er w hat I'v e to ld n o o ne e ls e , a b out th e p ho ne c alls a nd th e r e su m e I 'd s e nt to H arp er & R ow . T hat I w ant to b e a w rit e r. T he a d vic e I r e ceiv ed fr o m E la in e S te in . I t's n ic e to te ll s o m eb ody.
Aib ile en n o ds, tu rn s h er k nif e a ro und a no th er s o ft r e d to m ato . " M y b oy T re elo re , h e lik e to w rit e ." "I d id n't k no w y o u h ad a s o n." "H e d ead . T w o y ears n o w ." "O h, I 'm s o s o rry ," I s a y a nd fo r a m om ent it 's ju st P re acher G re en in th e r o om , th e s o ft p at o f to m ato s k in s a gain st th e s in k .
"M ad e s tr a ig ht A s o n e ver E nglis h te st h e ta k e. T hen la te r, w hen h e g ro w n, h e p ic k h im se lf u p a ty p ew rit e r a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n a id ea . . ." T he p in -tu ck ed s h o uld ers o f h er u nif o rm s lu m p d ow n.
"S ay h e g o ne w rit e h im se lf a b ook." "W hat k in d o f id ea?" I a sk . " I m ean, if y o u d on't m in d te llin g . . ." Aib ile en s a ys n o th in g fo r a w hile . K eep s p eelin g to m ato es a ro und a nd a ro und . " H e r e ad th is b ook call In vis ib le M an.
W hen h e d one, h e s a y h e g o ne w rit e d ow n w hat it w as lik e to b e c o lo re d work in g fo r a w hit e m an in M is sis sip pi. " I lo ok a w ay, k no w in g th is is w here m y m oth er w ould s to p th e c o nvers a tio n. T his is w here s h e'd sm ile a nd c hange th e s u b je ct to th e p ric e o f s ilv er p olis h o r w hit e r ic e.
"I r e ad In vis ib le M an , to o, a fte r h e d id ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I lik ed it a lr ig ht." I n o d, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever r e ad it . I h ad n't th o ught o f A ib ile en a s a r e ad er b efo re .
"H e w ro te a lm ost fif ty p ages," s h e s a ys. " I le t h is g ir l F ra nces k eep h o ld o f e m ." Aib ile en s to ps p eelin g. I s e e h er th ro at m ove w hen s h e s w allo w s. " P le ase d on't te ll n o body th at," s h e sa ys, s o fte r n o w , " h im w antin g to w rit e a b out h is w hit e b oss." S he b it e s h er lip a nd it s tr ik es m e th en th at s h e's s till a fr a id fo r h im . E ven th o ugh h e's d ead , th e in stin ct to b e a fr a id fo r h er s o n is s till th ere .
"It's fin e th at y o u to ld m e, A ib ile en. I th in k it w as . . . a b ra ve id ea." Aib ile en h o ld s m y g aze fo r a m om ent. T hen s h e p ic k s u p a no th er to m ato a nd s e ts th e k nif e a gain st th e s k in . I w atc h, w ait fo r th e r e d ju ic e to s p ill. B ut A ib ile en s to ps b efo re s h e c uts , g la nces a t th e kit c hen d oor.
"I d on't th in k it 's fa ir , y o u n o t k no w in g w hat h ap pen to C onsta ntin e. I ju st- -I'm s o rry , I d on't fe el rig ht ta lk in g to y o u a b out it ." I s ta y q uie t, n o t s u re w hat's s p urre d th is , n o t w antin g to r u in it .
"I'll te ll y o u th o ugh, it w as s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er d aughte r. C om in g to s e e y o ur m am a." "D aughte r? C onsta ntin e n ever to ld m e s h e h ad a d aughte r." I k new C onsta ntin e fo r tw enty -th re e years . W hy w ould s h e k eep th is fr o m m e?
"It w as h ard fo r h er. T he b ab y c o m e o ut r e al . . . p ale ." I h o ld s till, r e m em berin g w hat C onsta ntin e to ld m e, y ears a go . " Y ou m ean, lig ht? L ik e . . . w hit e ?" Aib ile en n o ds, k eep in g a t h er ta sk in th e s in k . " H ad to s e nd h er a w ay, u p n o rth I th in k ." "C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e ," I s a y. " O h . . . A ib ile en . . . y o u d on't th in k . . ." A n u gly th o ught is ru nnin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I a m to o s h o ck ed to fin is h m y s e nte nce.
Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " N o n o , n o m a'a m . N ot... th at. C onsta ntin e's m an, C onno r, h e w as co lo re d . B ut s in ce C onsta ntin e h ad h er d ad dy's b lo od in h er, h er b ab y c o m e o ut a h ig h y ello w . I t . . .
hap pens." I fe el a sh am ed fo r h avin g th o ught th e w ors t. S till, I d on't u nd ers ta nd . " W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e e ver te ll m e?" I a sk , n o t r e ally e xp ectin g a n a nsw er. " W hy w ould s h e s e nd h er a w ay?" Aib ile en n o ds to h ers e lf , lik e s h e u nd ers ta nd s. B ut I d on't . " T hat w as th e w ors t o ff I e ver s e en h er.
Consta ntin e m ust a s a id a th o usa nd tim es, s h e c o uld n't w ait fo r th e d ay w hen s h e g o t h er b ack ." "Y ou s a id th e d aughte r, s h e h ad s o m eth in g to d o w it h C onsta ntin e g ettin g fir e d ? W hat h ap pened ?" At th is , A ib ile en's fa ce g o es b la nk . T he c urta in h as d ra w n. S he n o ds to w ard th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs , mak in g it c le ar th at's a ll s h e's w illin g to s a y. A t le ast r ig ht n o w .
TH AT A FTER N OON, I s to p b y H illy 's fo otb all p arty . T he s tr e et is lin ed w it h s ta tio n w ago ns a nd lo ng B uic k s. I fo rc e m yse lf th ro ugh th e d oor, k no w in g I 'll b e th e o nly s in gle o ne th ere . I n sid e, th e liv in g r o om is fu ll o f c o up le s o n th e s o fa s, th e c hais e s, th e a rm s o f c hair s . W iv es s it s tr a ig ht w it h th eir le gs c ro sse d , w hile h usb and s le an fo rw ard . A ll e yes a re o n th e w ooden te le vis io n s e t. I s ta nd in th e back , e xchange a fe w s m ile s, s ile nt h ello s. E xcep t fo r th e a nno uncer, th e r o om is q uie t.
"W hooooooa!" th ey a ll y ell a nd h and s fly in th e a ir a nd w om en s ta nd a nd c la p a nd c la p . I c hew a t my c utic le .
"T hat's it , R eb els ! Y ou s h o w th o se T ig ers !" "G o, R eb els !" c heers M ary F ra nces T ru ly , ju m pin g u p a nd d ow n in h er m atc hin g s w eate r s e t. I lo ok at m y n ail w here m y c utic le h angs o ff, s tin gin g a nd p in k . T he r o om is th ic k w it h b ourb on-sm ell a nd re d w ool a nd d ia m ond r in gs. I w ond er if th e g ir ls r e ally c are a b out fo otb all, o r if th ey ju st a ct th is way to im pre ss th eir h usb and s. I n m y fo ur m onth s o f b ein g in th e L eague, I 'v e n ever o nce h ad a g ir l ask m e, " H ow b out th em R eb s? " I c hat m y w ay th ro ugh s o m e c o up le s u ntil I m ak e it to th e k it c hen. H illy 's ta ll, th in m aid , Y ule M ay, is fo ld in g d ough a ro und tin y s a usa ges. A no th er c o lo re d g ir l, y o unger, w ash es d is h es a t th e s in k . H illy waves m e o ver, w here s h e's ta lk in g to D eena D ora n. ". . . b est d arn p etit fo ur I 'v e e ver ta ste d ! D eena, y o u m ig ht b e th e m ost ta le nte d c o ok in th e League!" H illy s tu ffs th e r e st o f th e c ak e in h er m outh , n o ddin g a nd m m-m min g.
"W hy, th ank y o u, H illy , th ey'r e h ard b ut I th in k th ey'r e w orth it ." D eena is b eam in g, lo oks lik e s h e mig ht c ry u nd er H illy 's a d ora tio n.
"S o y o u'll d o it ? O h, I 'm s o g la d . T he b ak e s a le c o m mit te e re a lly n eed s s o m eb ody lik e y o u." "A nd h o w m any d id y o u n eed ?" "F iv e h und re d , b y to m orro w a fte rn o on." Deena's s m ile fr e eze s. " O kay. I g uess I c an . . . w ork th ro ugh th e n ig ht." "S keete r, y o u m ad e it ," H illy s a ys a nd D eena w and ers o ut o f th e k it c hen.
"I c an't s ta y lo ng," I s a y, p ro bab ly to o q uic k ly .
"W ell, I fo und o ut." H illy s m ir k s. " H e is d efin it e ly c o m in g th is tim e. T hre e w eek s fr o m to day." I w atc h Y ule M ay's lo ng fin gers p in ch th e d ough o ff a k nif e a nd I s ig h, k no w in g r ig ht a w ay w ho s h e means. " I d on't k no w , H illy . Y ou'v e tr ie d s o m any tim es. M ayb e it 's a s ig n." L ast m onth , w hen h e'd cancele d th e d ay b efo re th e d ate , I 'd a ctu ally a llo w ed m yse lf a b it o f e xcit e m ent. I d on't r e ally fe el lik e g o in g th ro ugh th at a gain .
"W hat? D on't y o u d are s a y th at." "H illy ," I c le nch m y te eth , b ecause it 's tim e I fin ally ju st s a id it , " y o u k no w I w on't b e h is ty p e." "L ook a t m e," s h e s a ys. A nd I d o a s I 'm to ld . B ecause th at is w hat w e d o a ro und H illy .
"H illy , y o u c an't m ak e m e g o --" "It is yo ur t im e , S keete r." S he r e aches o ver a nd s q ueeze s m y h and , p re sse s h er th um b a nd fin gers dow n a s h ard a s C onsta ntin e e ver d id . " It is y o ur tu rn . A nd d am n it , I 'm n o t g o in g to le t y o u m is s th is ju st b ecause y o ur m oth er c o nvin ced y o u y o u'r e n o t g o od e no ugh fo r s o m eb ody lik e h im ." I'm s tu ng b y h er b it te r, tr u e w ord s. A nd y et, I a m a w ed b y m y fr ie nd , b y h er te nacit y fo r m e. H illy and I 'v e a lw ays b een u nco m pro m is in gly h o nest w it h e ach o th er, e ven a b out th e lit tle th in gs. W it h oth er p eo ple , H illy h and s o ut lie s lik e th e P re sb yte ria ns h and o ut g uilt , b ut it 's o ur o w n s ile nt agre em ent, th is s tr ic t h o nesty , p erh ap s th e o ne th in g th at h as k ep t u s fr ie nd s.
Eliz a b eth c o m es in th e k it c hen c arry in g a n e m pty p la te . S he s m ile s, th en s to ps, a nd w e a ll th re e lo ok at e ach o th er.
"W hat? " E liz a b eth s a ys. I c an te ll s h e th in k s w e'v e b een ta lk in g a b out h er.
"T hre e w eek s th en?" H illy a sk s m e. " Y ou c o m in g?" "O h y es y o u a re ! Y ou m ost c erta in ly a re g o in g!" E liz a b eth s a ys.
I lo ok in th eir s m ilin g fa ces, a t th eir h o pe fo r m e. I t's n o t lik e M oth er's m ed dlin g, b ut a c le an h o pe, wit h o ut s tr in gs o r h urt. I h ate th at m y fr ie nd s h ave d is c usse d th is , m y o ne n ig ht's fa te , b ehin d m y back . I h ate it a nd I lo ve it to o.
I H EA D b ack to th e c o untr y b efo re th e g am e is o ver. O ut th e o pen w in d ow o f th e C ad illa c, th e fie ld s lo ok c ho pped a nd b urn ed . D ad dy fin is h ed th e la st h arv est w eek s a go , b ut th e s id e o f th e r o ad is s till s n o w y w it h c o tto n s tu ck in th e g ra ss. W hif fs o f it b lo w a nd flo at th ro ugh th e a ir .
I c heck th e m ailb ox fr o m th e d riv er's s e at. I n sid e is The F arm er's A lm anac a nd a s in gle le tte r. I t is fr o m H arp er & R ow . I tu rn in to th e d riv e, th ro w th e g ear in to P ark . T he le tte r is h and w rit te n, o n sm all s q uare n o te p ap er.
Mis s P hela n, Yo u c erta in ly m ay h one y o ur w rit in g s k ills o n s u ch f la t, p assio nle ss s u bje cts a s d ru nk d riv in g and illit e ra cy. I ' d h oped , h ow ev er, y o u'd c h oose t o pic s t h at a ctu ally h ad s o m e p unch t o t h em .
Keep lo okin g. I f y o u f in d s o m eth in g o rig in al, o nly t h en m ay y o u w rit e m e a gain .
I s lip p ast M oth er in th e d in in g r o om , in vis ib le P asc ago ula d ustin g p ic tu re s in th e h all, u p m y s te ep , vic io us s ta ir s . M y fa ce b urn s. I fig ht th e te ars o ver M is su s S te in 's le tte r, te ll m yse lf to p ull it to geth er.
The w ors t p art is , I d on't h ave a ny b ette r id eas.
I b ury m yse lf in th e n ext h o use k eep in g a rtic le , th en th e L eague n ew sle tte r. F or th e s e co nd w eek in a ro w , I le ave o ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e. A n h o ur la te r, I fin d m yse lf s ta rin g o ff a t th e w in d ow . M y co py o f Let U s N ow P ra is e F am ous M en s it s o n th e w in d ow le d ge. I w alk o ver a nd p ic k it u p , afr a id th e lig ht w ill fa d e th e p ap er ja ck et, th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to o f th e h um ble , im poveris h ed fa m ily o n th e c o ver. T he b ook is w arm a nd h eavy fr o m th e s u n. I w ond er if I 'll e ver w rit e a nyth in g worth a nyth in g a t a ll. I tu rn w hen I h ear P asc ago ula 's k no ck o n m y d oor. T hat's w hen th e id ea co m es to m e.
No. I c o uld n't . T hat w ould b e... c ro ssin g t h e lin e.
But th e id ea w on't g o a w ay.
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 7 T H E H EAT W AV E fin ally p asse s r o und th e m id dle a O cto ber a nd w e g et o urs e lv es a c o ol fif ty d egre es. I n th e m orn in gs, th at b ath ro om s e at g et c o ld o ut th ere , g iv e m e a lit tle s ta rt w hen I s e t d ow n. I t's ju st a lit tle r o om th ey b uilt in sid e th e c arp ort. I n sid e is a to ile t a nd a lit tle s in k a tta ched to t h e w all. A p ull c o rd fo r th e lig htb ulb . P ap er h ave to s e t o n th e flo or.
W hen I w ait e d o n M is s C aulie r, h er c arp ort a tta ch to th e h o use s o I d id n't h ave to g o o uts id e. P la ce b efo re th at h ad a m aid q uarte rs . P lu s m y o w n lit tle b ed ro om fo r w hen I s it a t n ig ht. T his o ne I g o t to c ro ss th ro ugh th e w eath er to g et th ere .
O n a T uesd ay n o on, I c arry m y lu nch o n o ut to th e b ack s te p s, s e t d ow n o n th e c o ol c o ncre te . M is s L eefo lt 's g ra ss d on't g ro w g o od b ack h ere . A b ig m agno lia tr e e s h ad es m ost a th e y ard . I a lr e ad y k no w th at's th e tr e e g o ne b e M ae M oble y's h id eo ut. I n a b out fiv e y ears , to h id e fr o m M is s L eefo lt .
A fte r a w hile , M ae M oble y w ad dle o ut o n th e b ack s te p . S he g o t h alf h er h am burg er p atty in h er h and . S he s m ile u p a t m e a nd s a y, " G ood." " H ow c o m e y o u n o t in th ere w it h y o ur m am a?" I a sk , b ut I k no w w hy. S he r a th er b e s e ttin g o ut h ere w it h th e h elp th an in th ere w atc hin g h er m am a lo ok a nyw here b ut a t h er. S he lik e o ne a th em b ab y c hic k ens th at g et c o nfu se d a nd fo llo w th e d uck s a ro und in ste ad .
M ae M oble y p oin t a t th e b lu eb ir d s g ettin g r e ad y fo r w in te r, tw it te rin g in th e lit tle g ra y fo unta in . " B oo b ir d s!" S he p oin t a nd d ro p h er h am burg er d ow n o n th e s te p . O ut a n o w here , th at o ld b ir d d og A ub ie th ey d on't n ever p ay n o m in d to c o m e u p a nd g o bble it d ow n. I d on't ta k e to d ogs, b ut th is o ne is ju st p la in p it if u l. I p et h im o n th e h ead . I b et n o body p ette d th at d og s in ce C hris tm as.
W hen M ae M oble y s e e h im , s h e s q ueal a nd g ra b a t h is ta il. I t w hap h er in th e fa ce a fe w tim es b efo re s h e g et h o lt . P oor th in g, h e w hin e a nd g iv e h er o ne a th o se p it if u l p eo ple -d og lo oks, h is h ead t u rn ed fu nny, h is e yeb ro w s u p . I c an a lm ost h ear h im a sk in g h er to tu rn h im lo ose . H e a in 't th e b it in g k in d .
S o s h e'll le t g o , I s a y, " M ae M oble y, w here y o ur ta il? " S ho n uff, s h e le t g o a nd s ta rt lo okin g a t h er r e ar. H er m outh 's p opped o pen lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve s h e d one m is se d it a ll th is tim e. S he tu rn in g in w obbly c ir c le s tr y in g to s e e it .
" Y ou a in 't g o t n o ta il. " I la ugh a nd c atc h h er fo re s h e fa ll o ff th at s te p . D og s n if f a ro und fo r m ore h am burg er.
I t a lw ays tic k le m e h o w th ese b ab ie s b elie ve a nyth in g y o u te ll e m . T ate F orre st, o ne a m y u se d -to - b e b ab ie s lo ng tim e a go , s to p m e o n th e w ay to th e J it n ey ju st la st w eek , g iv e m e a b ig h ug, s o h ap py to s e e m e. H e a g ro w n m an n o w . I n eed ed to g et b ack to M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut h e s ta rt la ughin g a nd m em orin g h o w I 'd d o h im w hen h e w as a b oy. H ow th e fir s t tim e h is fo ot fe ll a sle ep a nd h e s a y i t tic k le , I to ld h im th at w as ju st h is fo ot s n o rin g. A nd h o w I to ld h im d on't d rin k c o ffe e o r h e g o ne t u rn c o lo re d . H e s a y h e s till a in 't d ru nk a c up a c o ffe e a nd h e tw enty -o ne y ears o ld . I t's a lw ays n ic e s e ein g th e k id s g ro w n u p fin e.
"M ae M oble y? M ae M oble y L eefo lt ! " Mis s L eefo lt ju st n o w n o tic in g h er c hild a in 't s e ttin g in th e s a m e r o om w it h h er. " S he o ut h ere w it h me, M is s L eefo lt ," I s a y th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor.
"I to ld y o u to e at in y o ur h ig h c hair , M ae M oble y. H ow I e nd ed u p w it h y o u w hen a ll m y fr ie nd s have a ngels I ju st d o n o t k no w . . ." B ut th en th e p ho ne r in g a nd I h ear h er s to m pin g o ff to g et it .
I lo ok d ow n a t B ab y G ir l, s e e h o w h er fo re head 's a ll w rin k le d u p b etw een th e e yes. S he s tu d yin g hard o n s o m eth in g.
I to uch h er c heek . " Y ou a lr ig ht, b ab y?" She s a y, " M ae M o b ad ." The w ay s h e s a y it , lik e it 's a fa ct, m ak e m y in sid es h urt.
"M ae M oble y," I s a y c ause I g o t a n o tio n to tr y s o m eth in g. " Y ou a s m art g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e, lik e s h e d on't k no w .
"Y ou a s m art g ir l, " I s a y a gain .
She s a y, " M ae M o s m art." I s a y, " Y ou a k in d lit tle g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e. S he tw o y ears o ld . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e is y et.
I s a y, " Y ou a k in d g ir l, " a nd s h e n o d, r e p eat it b ack to m e. B ut b efo re I c an d o a no th er o ne, s h e g et up a nd c hase th at p oor d og a ro und th e y ard a nd la ugh a nd th at's w hen I g et to w ond erin g, w hat would h ap pen if I to ld h er s h e s o m eth in g g o od, e ver d ay?
She tu rn fr o m th e b ir d bath a nd s m ile a nd h o lle r, " H i, A ib ee. I lo ve y o u, A ib ee," a nd I fe el a tic k ly fe elin g, s o ft lik e th e fla p a b utte rfly w in gs, w atc hin g h er p la y o ut th ere . T he w ay I u se d to fe el watc hin g T re elo re . A nd th at m ak es m e k in d a s a d , m em orin g.
Afte r w hile , M ae M oble y c o m e o ver a nd p re ss h er c heek u p to m in e a nd ju st h o ld it th ere , lik e s h e kno w I b e h urtin g. I h o ld h er tig ht, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a kin d g ir l, M ae M oble y. Y ou hear m e?" A nd I k eep s a yin g it till s h e r e p eat it b ack to m e.
TH E N EX T F EW W EEK S is r e al im porta nt fo r M ae M oble y. Y ou th in k o n it , y o u p ro bab ly d on't re m em ber th e fir s t tim e y o u w ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l s te ad o f a d ia p er. P ro bab ly d on't giv e n o c re d it to w ho ta ught y o u, n eit h er. N ever h ad a s in gle b ab y I r a is e c o m e u p to m e a nd s a y, Aib ile en , w hy I s u re d o t h ank y o u f o r s h ow in g m e h ow t o g o in t h e p ot.
It's a tr ic k y th in g. Y ou tr y a nd g et a b ab y to g o in th e to ile t b efo re it s tim e, it 'll m ak e e m c ra zy. T hey can't g et th e h ang o f it a nd g et to th in k in g lo w a th eyse lv es. B ab y G ir l, th o ugh, I k no w s h e r e ad y.
And s h e k no w s h e r e ad y. B ut, L aw , if s h e a in 't r u nnin g m y fo ol le gs o ff. I s e t h er o n h er w ooden bab y s e at s o h er lit tle h in ey d on't fa ll in a nd s o on a s I tu rn m y b ack , s h e o ff th at p ot r u nnin g.
"Y ou g o t to g o , M ae M oble y?" "N o." "Y ou d ru nk u p tw o g la sse s a g ra p e ju ic e, I k no w y o u g o t to g o ." "N ooo." "I g iv e y o u a c o okie if y o u g o fo r m e." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a w hile . S he s ta rt e yein g th e d oor. I d on't h ear n o th in g h ap penin g in th e b ow l.
Usu ally , I c an g et th em g o in g a fte r a b out tw o w eek s. B ut th at's if I g o t th ey m am as h elp in g m e. L it tle boys g o t to s e e th ey d ad dy d oin g it s ta nd in g-u p s ty le , lit tle g ir ls g o t to s e e th ey m am a s e ttin g d ow n.
Mis s L eefo lt w on't le t th at g ir l c o m e n ear h er w hen s h e g o in g, a nd th at's th e tr o ub le .
"G o ju st a lit tle fo r m e, B ab y G ir l. " She s tic k h er lip o ut, s h ak e h er h ead .
Mis s L eefo lt g o ne to g et h er h air d one, e ls e I a sk h er a gain w ill s h e s e t th e e xam ple e ven th o ugh th at wom an's a lr e ad y s a id no fiv e tim es. L ast tim e M is s L eefo lt s a y n o , I w as fix in g to te ll h er h o w m any kid s I r a is e d in m y lif e tim e a nd a sk h er w hat n um ber s h e o n, b ut I e nd ed u p s a yin g alr ig ht lik e I alw ays d o.
"I g iv e y o u tw o c o okie s," I s a y e ven th o ugh h er m am a a lw ays g ettin g o n m e a b out m ak in g h er fa t.
Mae M oble y, s h e s h ak e h er h ead a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Now , I a in 't s a yin g I a in 't h eard th is b efo re , b ut u su ally I c an g et a ro und it . I k no w , th o ugh, s h e g o t to s e e h o w it 's d one fo re s h e g o ne g et to b usin ess. I s a y, " I d on't g o t to g o ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er. S he p oin t a gain a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Then s h e g et to c ry in g a nd fid getin g c ause th at s e at m ak in g a lit tle in d ent o n h er b ehin d a nd I k no w what I 'm o n h ave to d o. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to g o a b out it . S ho uld I ta k e h er o ut to th e g ara ge to min e o r g o h ere in th is b ath ro om ? W hat if M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e a nd I 'm s e ttin g u p o n th is to ile t?
She h ave a fit .
I p ut h er d ia p er b ack o n a nd w e g o o ut to th e g ara ge. R ain m ak e it s m ell a lit tle s w am py. E ven w it h th e lig ht o n it 's d ark , a nd th ey a in 't n o fa ncy w allp ap er lik e in sid e th e h o use . F act, th ey r e ally a in 't n o pro per w alls a t a ll, ju st p ly b oard h am mere d to geth er. I w ond er if s h e g o ne b e s c are d .
"A lr ig ht, B ab y G ir l, h ere tis . A ib ile en's b ath ro om ." She s tic k h er h ead in a nd h er m outh m ak e th e s h ap e o f a C heerio . S he s a y, " O ooooo." I ta k e d ow n m y u nd erth in gs a nd I te e-te e r e al fa st, u se th e p ap er, a nd g et it a ll b ack o n b efo re s h e can r e ally s e e a nyth in g. T hen I flu sh .
"A nd th at's h o w y o u g o in th e to ile t," I s a y.
Well, d on't s h e lo ok s u rp ris e . G ot h er m outh h angin g o pen lik e s h e d one s e en a m ir a cle . I s te p o ut and fo re I k no w it , s h e g o t h er d ia p er o ff a nd th at lit tle m onk ey d one c lim bed o n th at to ile t, h o ld in g hers e lf u p s o s h e d on't fa ll in , g o in g te e-te e fo r h ers e lf .
"M ae M oble y! Y ou g o in g! T hat's r e al g o od!" S he s m ile a nd I c atc hes h er fo re s h e d ip d ow n in it .
We r u n b ack in sid e a nd s h e g et h er tw o c o okie s.
Late r o n, I g et h er o n h er p ot a nd s h e g o fo r m e a gain . T hat's th e h ard est p art, th o se fir s t c o up le a tim es. B y th e e nd a th e d ay, I fe el lik e I r e ally d one s o m eth in g. S he g ettin g to b e a p re tty g o od ta lk er and y o u c an g uess w hat th e n ew w ord a th e d ay is .
"W hat B ab y G ir l d o to day?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." "W hat th ey g o ne p ut in th e h is to ry b ooks n ext to th is d ay?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." I s a y, " W hat M is s H illy s m ell lik e?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." But I g et o nto m yse lf . I t w asn 't C hris tia n, p lu s I 'm a fr a id s h e r e p eat it .
LATE T H AT A FTER N OON, M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e w it h h er h air a ll te ase d u p . S he g o t a perm anent a nd s h e s m ell lik e p neum onia .
"G uess w hat M ae M oble y d one to day?" I s a y. " W ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l. " "O h, th at's w ond erfu l! " S he g iv e h er g ir l a h ug, s o m eth in g I d on't s e e e no ugh o f. I k no w s h e m ean it , to o, c ause M is s L eefo lt d o not lik e c hangin g d ia p ers .
I s a y, " Y ou g o t to m ak e s u re s h e g o in th e p ot fr o m n o w o n. I t's r e al c o nfu sin g fo r h er if y o u d on't ." Mis s L eefo lt s m ile , s a y, " A lr ig ht." "L et's s e e if s h e d o it o ne m ore tim e fo re I g o h o m e." W e g o in th e b ath ro om . I g et h er d ia p ers o ff and p ut h er u p o n th at to ile t. B ut B ab y G ir l, s h e s h ak in g h er h ead .
"C om e o n, M ae M oble y, c an't y o u g o in th e p ot fo r y o ur m am a?" "N oooo." Fin ally I p ut h er b ack d ow n o n h er fe et. " T hat's a lr ig ht, y o u d id r e al g o od to day." But M is s L eefo lt , s h e g o t h er lip s s tic k in g o ut a nd s h e h m phin g a nd fr o w nin g d ow n a t h er. B efo re I can g et h er d ia p er o n a gain , B ab y G ir l r u n o ff fa st a s s h e c an. N ek kid lit tle w hit e b ab y r u nnin g th ro ugh th e h o use . S he in th e k it c hen. S he g o t th e b ack d oor o pen, s h e in th e g ara ge, tr y in g to r e ach th e k no b to my b ath ro om . W e r u n a fte r h er a nd M is s L eefo lt p oin tin g h er fin ger. H er v o ic e g o a b out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " T his is n o t y o ur b ath ro om !" Bab y G ir l w aggin g h er h ead .
"M y b afro om !" Mis s L eefo lt s n atc h h er u p , g iv e h er a p op o n th e le g.
"M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't k no w w hat s h e d o--" "G et b ack in th e h o use , A ib ile en!" I h ate it , b ut I g o in th e k it c hen. I s ta nd in th e m id dle , le ave th e d oor o pen b ehin d m e.
"I d id n o t r a is e y o u to u se th e c o lo re d b ath ro om !" I h ear h er h is s-w his p erin g, th in k in g I c an't h ear, and I th in k , Lady, y o u d id n't r a is e y o ur c h ild a t a ll.
"T his is d ir ty o ut h ere , M ae M oble y. Y ou'll c atc h d is e ase s! N o n o n o !" A nd I h ear h er p op h er a gain and a gain o n h er b are le gs.
Afte r a s e co nd , M is s L eefo lt p ota to -sa ck h er in sid e. T here a in 't n o th in g I c an d o b ut w atc h it hap pen. M y h eart fe el lik e it 's s q ueezin g u p in to m y th ro at- p ip e. M is s L eefo lt d ro p M ae M oble y in fr o nt a th e te e-v ee a nd s h e m arc h to h er b ed ro om a nd s la m th e d oor. I g o g iv e B ab y G ir l a h ug. S he still c ry in g a nd s h e lo ok a w fu l c o nfu se d .
"I'm r e al s o rry , M ae M oble y," I w his p er to h er. I 'm c ussin g m yse lf fo r ta k in g h er o ut th ere in th e fir s t pla ce. B ut I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to s a y, s o I ju st h o ld h er.
We s e t th ere w atc hin g Li'l R asc a ls u ntil M is s L eefo lt c o m e o ut, a sk a in 't it p ast tim e fo r m e to g o . I tu ck m y b us d im e in m y p ock et. G iv e M ae M oble y o ne m ore h ug, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a good g ir l. " On th e r id e h o m e, I d on't s e e th e b ig w hit e h o use s p assin g o uts id e th e w in d ow . I d on't ta lk to m y maid fr ie nd s. I s e e B ab y G ir l g ettin g s p ank ed c ause a m e. I s e e h er lis te nin g to M is s L eefo lt c all m e dir ty , d is e ase d .
The b us s p eed s u p a lo ng S ta te S tr e et. W e p ass o ver th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge a nd m y ja w s o tig ht I c o uld b re ak m y te eth o ff. I fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in g in sid e a m e, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r Tre elo re d ie d . I w ant to y ell s o lo ud th at B ab y G ir l c an h ear m e th at d ir ty a in 't a c o lo r, d is e ase a in 't th e N egro s id e a to w n. I w ant to s to p th at m om ent fr o m c o m in g--a nd it c o m e in e ver w hit e c hild 's lif e --w hen th ey s ta rt to th in k th at c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a s g o od a s w hit e s.
We tu rn o n F aris h a nd I s ta nd u p c ause m y s to p b e c o m in g. I p ra y th at w asn 't h er m om ent. P ra y I still g o t tim e.
TH IN GS is R EA L Q UIE T th e n ext fe w w eek s. M ae M oble y's w earin g b ig -g ir l p antie s n o w . S he don't h ard ly e ver h ave n o a ccid ents . A fte r w hat h ap pen in th e g ara ge, M is s L eefo lt ta k e a r e al in te re st in M ae M oble y's b ath ro om h ab it s . S he e ven le t h er w atc h h er o n th e p ot, s e t th e w hit e exam ple . A fe w tim es, th o ugh, w hen h er m am a's g o ne, I s till c atc h h er tr y in g to g o in m in e.
Som etim es s h e d o it fo re I c an te ll h er n o .
"H ey, M is s C la rk ." R obert B ro w n, w ho d o M is s L eefo lt 's y ard , c o m e u p o n h er b ack s te p s. I t's n ic e and c o ol o ut. I o pen th e s c re en d oor.
"H ow y o u d oin g, s o n?" I s a y a nd p at h im o n th e a rm . " I h ear y o u w ork in g e ver y ard o n th e s tr e et." "Y es m a'a m . G ot tw o g uys m ow in g fo r m e." H e g rin . H e a h and so m e b oy, ta ll w it h s h o rt h air . W ent to h ig h s c ho ol w it h T re elo re . T hey w as g o od fr ie nd s, p la yed b ase b all to geth er. I to uch h im o n th e arm , ju st n eed in g to fe el it a gain .
"H ow y o ur G ra nm am a?" I a sk . I lo ve L ouvenia , s h e is th e s w eete st p ers o n liv in g. S he a nd R obert cam e to th e fu nera l to geth er. T his m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat's c o m in g n ext w eek . T he w ors t d ay a th e y ear.
"S he s tr o nger th an m e." H e s m ile . " I b e b y y o ur h o use o n S atu rd ay to m ow ." Tre elo re a lw ays d id m y m ow in g fo r m e. N ow R obert d oes it w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g, n ever w ill ta k e any m oney fo r it . " T hank y o u, R obert. I a p pre cia te it ." "Y ou n eed a nyth in g, y o u c all m e, a lr ig ht, M is s C la rk ?" "T hank y o u, s o n." I h ear th e d oorb ell r in g a nd I s e e M is s S keete r's c ar o ut fr o nt. M is s S keete r b een c o m in g o ver to Mis s L eefo lt 's e ver w eek th is m onth , to a sk m e th e M is s M yrn a q uestio ns. S he a sk a b out h ard wate r s ta in s a nd I te ll h er c re am o f ta rta r. S he a sk h o w y o u u nsc re w a lig htb ulb th at d one b ro ke o ff in th e s o ck et a nd I te ll h er a r a w p ota to . S he a sk m e w hat h ap pen w it h h er o ld m aid C onsta ntin e and h er m am a, a nd I g o c o ld . I th o ught if I to ld h er a lit tle , a fe w w eek s a go , a b out C onsta ntin e havin g a d aughte r, s h e'd le ave m e a lo ne a b out it a fte r th at. B ut M is s S keete r ju st k eep o n a sk in g m e questio ns. I c o uld te ll s h e d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy a c o lo re d w om an c an't r a is e n o w hit e -sk in b ab y in Mis sis sip pi. B e a h ard , lo nely lif e , n o t b elo ngin g h ere n o r th ere .
Ever tim e M is s S keete r fin is h a sk in g m e a b out h o w to c le an th e-th is o r fix th e-th at o r w here Consta ntin e, w e g et to ta lk in g a b out o th er th in gs to o. T hat's n o t s o m eth in g I d one a w ho le lo t w it h my b osse s o r th ey fr ie nd s. I fin d m yse lf te llin g h er h o w T re elo re n ever m ad e b elo w a B + o r th at th e new c hurc h d eaco n g et o n m y n erv es c ause h e lis p . L it tle b it s , b ut th in gs I o rd in arily w ould n't te ll a whit e p ers o n.
Today, I 'm tr y in g to e xp la in to h er th e d if fe re nce b etw een d ip pin g a nd p olis h in g th e s ilv er, h o w o nly th e ta ck y h o use s d o th e d ip c ause it 's fa ste r, b ut it d on't lo ok g o od. M is s S keete r c o ck h er h ead to th e s id e, w rin k le h er fo re head . " A ib ile en, r e m em ber th at . . . id ea T re elo re h ad ?" I n o d, fe el a p ric k le . I s h o uld a n ever s h are d th at w it h a w hit e w om an.
Mis s S keete r s q uin t h er e yes lik e s h e d id w hen s h e b ru ng u p th e b ath ro om th in g th at tim e. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out it . I 'v e b een w antin g to ta lk to y o u--" But fo re s h e c an fin is h , M is s L eefo lt c o m e in th e k it c hen a nd c atc h B ab y G ir l p la yin g w it h m y c o m b in m y p ock etb ook a nd s a y m ayb e M ae M oble y o ught to h ave h er b ath e arly to day. I te ll M is s Skeete r g o odbye, g o s ta rt th e tu b .
AFTER I S PEN T a Y EA R d re ad in g it , N ovem ber e ig hth fin ally c o m e. I s p ec I s le ep a b out tw o ho urs th e n ig ht b efo re . I w ak e u p a t d aw n a nd p ut a p ot a C om munit y c o ffe e o n th e s to veto p. M y back h urts w hen I b end o ver to g et m y h o se o n. F ore I w alk o ut th e d oor, th e p ho ne r in g.
"J u st c heck in g o n y o u. Y ou s le ep ?" "I d id a lr ig ht." "I'm o n b rin g y o u a c ara m el c ak e to nig ht. A nd I d on't w ant y o u to d o n o th in g b ut s e t in y o ur k it c hen and e at th e w ho le th in g fo r s u p per." I tr y to s m ile , b ut n o th in g c o m e o ut. I te ll M in ny th ank y o u.
Thre e y ears a go to day, T re elo re d ie d . B ut b y M is s L eefo lt 's b ook it 's s till flo or- c le anin g d ay.
Thank sg iv in g c o m in g in tw o w eek s a nd I g o t p le nty to d o to g et r e ad y. I s c ru b m y w ay th ro ugh th e morn in g, th ro ugh th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. I m is s m y s to rie s c ause th e la d ie s is in th e d in in g r o om havin g a B enefit m eetin g a nd I a in 't a llo w ed to tu rn o n th e te e-v ee w hen th ey's c o m pany. A nd th at's fin e. M y m usc le s is s h iv erin g th ey s o tir e d . B ut I d on't w ant a s to p m ovin g.
About fo ur o 'c lo ck , M is s S keete r c o m e in th e k it c hen. B efo re s h e c an e ven s a y h ello , M is s L eefo lt ru sh in b ehin d h er. " A ib ile en, I ju st fo und o ut M is su s F re d eric k s is d riv in g d ow n fr o m G re enw ood to m orro w a nd s ta yin g th ro ugh T hank sg iv in g. I w ant th e s ilv er s e rv ic e p olis h ed a nd a ll th e g uest to w els w ash ed . T om orro w I 'll g iv e y o u th e lis t o f w hat e ls e ." Mis s L eefo lt s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s S keete r lik e a in 't s h e g o t th e h ard est lif e in to w n a nd w alk s o ut. I g o o n a nd g et th e s ilv er s e rv ic e o ut th e d in in g r o om . L aw , I 'm a lr e ad y tir e d a nd I g o t to b e r e ad y to work th e B enefit n ext S atu rd ay n ig ht. M in ny a in 't c o m in g. S he to o s c are d s h e g o ne r u n in to M is s Hilly .
Mis s S keete r s till w ait in g o n m e in th e k it c hen w hen I c o m e b ack in . S he g o t a M is s M yrn a le tte r in her h and .
"Y ou g o t a c le anin g q uestio n?" I s ig h. " G o h ead ." "N ot r e ally . I ju st . . . I w ante d to a sk y o u . . . th e o th er d ay . . ." I ta k e a p lu g a P in e-O la c re am a nd s ta rt r u b bin g it o nto th e s ilv er, w ork in g th e c lo th a ro und th e r o se desig n, th e lip a nd th e h and le . G od, p le ase le t to m orro w c o m e s o on. I a in 't g o ne g o to th e g ra vesit e .
I c an't , it 'll b e to o h ard -- "A ib ile en? A re y o u fe elin g a lr ig ht? " I s to p, lo ok u p . R ealiz e M is s S keete r b een ta lk in g to m e th e w ho le tim e.
"I'm s o rry I 's ju st . . . th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g." "Y ou lo oked s o s a d ." "M is s S keete r." I fe el te ars c o m e u p in m y e yes, c ause th re e y ears ju st a in 't lo ng e no ugh. A h und re d years a in 't g o ne b e lo ng e no ugh. " Y ou m in d if I h elp y o u w it h th em q uestio ns to m orro w ?" Mis s S keete r s ta rt to s a y s o m eth in g, b ut th en s h e s to p h ers e lf . " O f c o urs e . I h o pe y o u fe el b ette r." I fin is h th e s ilv er s e t a nd th e to w els a nd te ll M is s L eefo lt I g o t to g o h o m e e ven th o ugh it 's h alf a h o ur early a nd s h e g o ne s h o rt m y p ay. S he o pen h er m outh lik e s h e w ant to p ro te st a nd I w his p er m y lie , I v om it e d , a nd s h e s a y go.
C ause b esid es h er o w n m oth er, th ere a in 't n o th in g M is s L eefo lt s c are d of m ore th an N egro d is e ase s.
"A LR IG HT T H EN . I 'll b e b ack in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'll p ull r ig ht u p h ere a t n in e fo rty -fiv e," M is s Leefo lt s a y th ro ugh th e p asse nger c ar w in d ow . M is s L eefo lt d ro ppin g m e o ff a t th e J it n ey 1 4 to p ic k up w hat e ls e w e n eed fo r T hank sg iv in g to m orro w .
"Y ou b rin g h er b ack th at r e ceip t, n o w ," M is s F re d eric k s, M is s L eefo lt 's m ean o ld m am a, s a y. T hey all th re e in th e fr o nt s e at, M ae M oble y s q ueeze d in th e m id dle w it h a lo ok s o m is e ra b le y o u th in k sh e a b out to g et a te ta nus s h o t. P oor g ir l. M is s F re d eric k s s u p pose d to s ta y tw o w eek s th is tim e.
"D on't fo rg et th e tu rk ey, n o w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y. " A nd tw o c ans o f c ra nb erry s a uce." I s m ile . I o nly b een c o okin g w hit e T hank sg iv in gs s in ce C alv in C oolid ge w as P re sid ent. "Q uit s q uir m in g, M ae M oble y," M is s F re d eric k s s n ap , " o r I 'll p in ch y o u." "M is s L eefo lt , le m me ta k e h er in th e s to re w it h m e. H elp m e w it h m y s h o ppin g." Mis s F re d eric k s a b out to p ro te st, b ut M is s L eefo lt s a y, " Ta ke h er," a nd fo re I k no w it , B ab y G ir l done w orm ed h er w ay o ver M is s F re d eric k s' la p a nd is c lim bin g o ut th e w in d ow in m y a rm s lik e I am th e L ord S avio r. I p ull h er u p o n m y h ip a nd th ey d riv e o ff to w ard F ortif ic atio n S tr e et, a nd B ab y Gir l a nd m e, w e g ig gle lik e a c o up le a s c ho olg ir ls .
I p ush o pen th e m eta l d oor, g et a c art, a nd p ut M ae M oble y u p fr o nt, s tic k h er le gs th ro ugh th e ho le s. L ong a s I g o t m y w hit e u nif o rm o n, I 'm a llo w ed to s h o p in th is J it n ey. I m is s th e o ld d ays, when y o u ju st w alk o ut to F ortif ic atio n S tr e et a nd th ere b e th e fa rm ers w it h th ey w heelb arro w s callin g o ut, " S w eet p ota to es, b utte r b eans, s tr in g b eans, o kra . F re sh c re am , b utte rm ilk , y ello w cheese , e ggs." B ut th e J it n ey a in 't s o b ad . L east th ey g o t th e g o od a ir - c o nd it io n.
"A lr ig hty , B ab y G ir l. L ess s e e w hat w e n eed ." In p ro duce, I p ic k o ut s ix s w eet p ota to es, th re e h and fu ls a s tr in g b eans. I g et a s m oked h am h o ck fr o m th e b utc her. T he s to re is b rig ht, lin ed u p n eat. N oth in g lik e th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly w it h sa w dust o n th e flo or. I t's m ostly w hit e la d ie s, s m ilin g, g o t th ey h air a lr e ad y fix ed a nd s p ra yed fo r to m orro w . F our o r fiv e m aid s is s h o ppin g, a ll in th ey u nif o rm s.
"P urp le s tu ff! " M ae M oble y s a y a nd I le t h er h o ld th e c an a c ra nb erry . S he s m ile a t it lik e it 's a o ld fr ie nd . S he lo ve th e p urp le s tu ff. I n d ry g o ods, I h eave th e tw o-p ound b ag a s a lt in th e c art, to b rin e th e tu rk ey in . I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and s, te n, e le ven, tw elv e. I f I 'm o n s o ak th e b ir d fo r fo urte en ho urs in th e s a lt w ate r, I 'll p ut it in th e b uck et a ro und th re e th is a fte rn o on. T hen I 'll c o m e in to M is s Leefo lt 's a t fiv e to m orro w m orn in g a nd c o ok th e tu rk ey fo r th e n ext s ix h o urs . I a lr e ad y b ak ed tw o pans a c o rn b re ad , le ft it to s ta le o n th e c o unte r to day to g iv e it s o m e c ru nch. I g o t a a p ple p ie r e ad y to b ak e, g o ne d o m y b is c uit s in th e m orn in g.
"R ead y fo r to m orro w , A ib ile en?" I tu rn a nd s e e F ra nny C oots b ehin d m e. S he g o to m y c hurc h, work fo r M is s C aro lin e o n M ansh ip . " H ey, c utie , lo ok a th em fa t le gs," s h e s a y to M ae M oble y.
Mae M oble y lic k th e c ra nb erry c an.
Fra nny b end h er h ead d ow n, s a y, " Y ou h ear w hat h ap pen to L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n th is morn in g?" "R obert? " I s a y. " W ho d o th e m ow in g?" "U se th e w hit e b ath ro om a t P in chm an L aw n a nd G ard en. S ay th ey w asn 't a s ig n u p s a yin g s o . T w o whit e m ens c hase d h im a nd b eat h im w it h a tir e ir o n." Oh n o . N ot Robert.
" H e . . . is h e . . . ? " Fra nny s h ak e h er h ead . " T hey d on't k no w . H e u p a t th e h o sp it a l. I h eard h e b lin d ." "G od, n o ." I c lo se m y e yes. L ouvenia , s h e is th e p ure st, k in d est p ers o n th ey is . S he r a is e d R obert afte r h er o w n d aughte r d ie d . "P oor L ouvenia . I d on't k no w w hy th e b ad h ave to h ap pen to th e g o odest o nes," F ra nny s a y.
TH AT A FTER N OON, I w ork lik e a c ra zy w om an, c ho ppin g o nio ns a nd c ele ry , m ix in g u p m y dre ssin g, r ic in g s w eet p ota to es, s tr in gin g th e b eans, p olis h in g s ilv er. I h eard fo lk s is h ead in g to Louvenia B ro w n's to nig ht a t fiv e-th ir ty to p ra y fo r R obert, b ut b y th e tim e I lif t th at tw enty -p ound tu rk ey in th e b rin e, I c an't b are ly r a is e m y a rm s.
I d on't fin is h c o okin g till s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht, tw o h o urs la te r th an u su al. I k no w I a in 't g o ne h ave th e s tr e ngth to g o k no ck o n L ouvenia 's d oor. I 'll h ave to d o it to m orro w a fte r I 'm d one c le anin g u p th e tu rk ey. I w ad dle m yse lf fr o m th e b us s to p, h ard ly a b le to k eep m y e yes o pen. I tu rn th e c o rn er on G essu m . A b ig w hit e C ad illa c's p ark ed in fr o nt a m y h o use . A nd th ere b e M is s S keete r in a r e d dre ss a nd r e d s h o es, s e ttin g o n m y fr o nt s te p s lik e a b ullh o rn .
I w alk r e al s lo w th ro ugh m y y ard , w ond erin g w hat it 's g o ne b e n o w . M is s S keete r s ta nd u p , h o ld in g her p ock etb ook tig ht lik e it m ig ht g et s n atc hed . W hit e p eo ple s d on't c o m e r o und m y n eig hb orh o od le ss th ey to tin g th e h elp to a nd fr o , a nd th at is ju st fin e w it h m e. I s p end a ll d ay lo ng te nd in g to w hit e peo ple s. I d on't n eed e m lo okin g in o n m e a t h o m e.
"I h o pe y o u d on't m in d m e c o m in g b y," s h e s a y. " I ju st . . . I d id n't k no w w here e ls e w e c o uld ta lk ." I s e t d ow n o n th e s te p a nd e ver k no b o n m y s p in e h urt. B ab y G ir l s o n erv o us a ro und h er Gra nm am a, s h e w et a ll o ver m e a nd I s m ell lik e it . T he s tr e et's fu ll a fo lk s w alk in g to s w eet Louvenia 's to p ra y fo r R obert, k id s p la yin g b all in th e s tr e et. E verb ody lo okin g o ver a t u s th in k in g I must b e g ettin g fir e d o r s o m eth in g.
"Y es m a'a m ," I s ig h. " W hat c an I d o fo r y o u?" "I h ave a n id ea. S om eth in g I w ant to w rit e a b out. B ut I n eed y o ur h elp ." I le t a ll m y b re ath o ut. I lik e M is s S keete r, b ut c o m e o n. S ure , a p ho ne c all w ould a b een n ic e. S he never w ould a ju st s h o w n u p o n s o m e w hit e la d y's s te p w it h o ut c allin g. B ut n o , s h e d one p lo pped hers e lf d ow n lik e s h e g o t e ver r ig ht to b arg e in o n m e a t h o m e.
"I w ant to in te rv ie w y o u. A bout w hat it 's lik e to w ork a s a m aid ." A r e d b all r o ll a fe w fe et in m y y ard . T he lit tle J o nes b oy r u n a cro ss th e s tr e et to g et it . W hen h e s e e Mis s S keete r, h e s to p d ead . T hen h e r u n a nd s n atc h it u p . H e tu rn a nd d ash o ff lik e h e s c are d s h e go ne g et h im .
"L ik e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n?" I s a y, fla t a s a p an. " B out c le anin g?" "N ot lik e M is s M yrn a. I 'm ta lk in g a b out a b ook," s h e s a y a nd h er e yes is b ig . S he e xcit e d . " S to rie s ab out w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r a w hit e fa m ily . W hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r, s a y . . . E liz a b eth ." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t h er. T his w hat s h e b een tr y in g to a sk m e th e p ast tw o w eek s in M is s L eefo lt kit c hen. " Y ou th in k M is s L eefo lt g o ne a gre e to th at? M e te llin g s to rie s a b out h er? " Mis s S keete r's e yes d ro p d ow n s o m e. " W ell, n o . I w as th in k in g w e w ould n't te ll h er. I 'll h ave to mak e s u re th e o th er m aid s w ill a gre e to k eep it s e cre t, to o." I s c ru nch u p m y fo re head , ju st s ta rtin g to g et w hat s h e's a sk in g. " O th er m aid s? " "I w as h o pin g to g et fo ur o r fiv e. T o r e ally s h o w w hat it 's lik e to b e a m aid in J a ck so n." I lo ok a ro und . W e o ut h ere in th e w id e o pen. D on't s h e k no w h o w d angero us th is c o uld b e, ta lk in g ab out th is w hile th e w ho le w orld c an s e e u s? " E xactly w hat k in d a s to rie s y o u th in k y o u g o ne h ear? " "W hat y o u g et p aid , h o w th ey tr e at y o u, th e b ath ro om s, th e b ab ie s, a ll th e th in gs y o u'v e s e en, g o od and b ad ." She lo oks e xcit e d , lik e th is is s o m e k in d a g am e. F or a s e co nd , I th in k I m ig ht b e m ore m ad th an I am tir e d .
"M is s S keete r," I w his p er, " d o th at n o t s o und k in d a d angero us to y o u?" "N ot if w e'r e c are fu l- -" "S hhh, p le ase . D o y o u k no w w hat w ould h ap pen to m e if M is s L eefo lt fin d o ut I ta lk ed b ehin d h er back ?" "W e w on't te ll h er, o r a nyo ne." S he lo w ers h er v o ic e s o m e, b ut n o t e no ugh. " T hese w ill b e p riv ate in te rv ie w s." I ju st s ta re a t h er. I s s h e c ra zy ? " D id y o u h ear a b out th e c o lo re d b oy th is m orn in g? O ne th ey b eat wit h a tir e ir o n fo r accid en ta lly u sin g th e w hit e b ath ro om ?" She ju st lo ok a t m e, b lin k a lit tle . " I k no w th in gs a re u nsta b le b ut th is is --" "A nd m y c o usin S hin elle in C aute r C ounty ? T hey b urn u p h er c ar c ause s h e w ent dow n to th e v o tin g sta tio n." "N o o ne's e ver w rit te n a b ook lik e th is ," s h e s a y, fin ally w his p erin g, fin ally s ta rtin g to u nd ers ta nd , I guess. " W e'd b e b re ak in g n ew g ro und . I t's a b ra nd -n ew p ers p ectiv e." I s p ot a flo ck a m aid s in th ey u nif o rm s w alk in g b y m y h o use . T hey lo ok o ver, s e e m e s e ttin g w it h a whit e w om an o n m y fr o nt s te p . I g rit m y te eth , a lr e ad y k no w m y p ho ne g o ne b e r in gin g to nig ht.
"M is s S keete r," a nd I s a y it s lo w , tr y to m ak e it c o unt, " I d o th is w it h y o u, I m ig ht a s w ell b urn m y ow n h o use d ow n." Mis s S keete r s ta rt b it in g h er n ail th en. " B ut I 'v e a lr e ad y . . ." S he s h ut h er e yes c lo se d tig ht. I th in k ab out a sk in g h er, Alr e a dy w hat, b ut I 'm k in d a s c are d to h ear w hat s h e g o ne s a y. S he r e ach in h er pock etb ook, p ull o ut a s c ra p a p ap er a nd w rit e h er te le p ho ne n um ber o n it . "P le ase , w ill y o u a t le ast th in k a b out it ? " I s ig h, s ta re o ut a t th e y ard . G entle a s I c an, I s a y, " N o m a'a m ." She s e t th e s c ra p a p ap er b etw een u s o n th e s te p , th en s h e g et in h er C ad illa c. I 'm to o tir e d to g et up . I ju st s ta y th ere , w atc h w hile s h e r o ll r e al s lo w d ow n th e r o ad . T he b oys p la yin g b all c le ar th e str e et, s ta nd o n th e s id e fr o ze n, lik e it 's a fu nera l c ar p assin g b y.
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 8 I D RIV E D O W N G essu m A venue in M am a's C ad illa c. U p a head , a lit tle c o lo re d b oy in o vera lls w atc hes m e, w id e-e yed , g rip pin g a r e d b all. I lo ok in to m y r e arv ie w m ir ro r. A ib ile en is s till o n h er f r o nt s te p s in h er w hit e u nif o rm . S he h ad n't e ven lo oked a t m e w hen s h e s a id No m a'a m .
S he ju st k ep t h er e yes s e t o n th at y ello w p atc h o f g ra ss in h er y ard .
I g uess I th o ught it w ould b e lik e v is it in g C onsta ntin e, w here fr ie nd ly c o lo re d p eo ple w aved a nd s m ile d , h ap py to s e e th e lit tle w hit e g ir l w ho se d ad dy o w ned th e b ig fa rm . B ut h ere , n arro w e yes w atc h m e p ass b y. W hen m y c ar g ets c lo se to h im , th e lit tle c o lo re d b oy tu rn s a nd s c ats b ehin d a h o use a fe w d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's . H alf - a -d oze n c o lo re d p eo ple a re g ath ere d in th e fr o nt y ard o f t h e h o use , h o ld in g tr a ys a nd b ags. I r u b m y te m ple s. I tr y to th in k o f s o m eth in g m ore th at m ig ht c o nvin ce A ib ile en.
A W EEK A GO , P asc ago ula k no ck ed o n m y b ed ro om d oor.
" T here 's a lo ng d is ta nce p ho ne c all fo r y o u, M is s S keete r. F ro m a M is s . . . S te rn , s h e s a y?" " S te rn ?" I th o ught o ut lo ud . T hen I s tr a ig hte ned . " D o y o u m ean . . .
Ste in ?
" " I . . . I r e ck on it c o uld a b een S te in . S he ta lk k in d a h ard -so und in g." I r u sh ed p ast P asc ago ula , d ow n th e s ta ir s . F or s o m e s tu p id r e aso n, I k ep t s m ooth in g m y fr iz zy h air d ow n a s if it w ere a m eetin g a nd n o t a p ho ne c all. I n th e k it c hen, I g ra b bed th e p ho ne d anglin g a gain st th e w all.
T hre e w eek s e arlie r, I 'd ty p ed o ut th e le tte r o n S tr a th m ore w hit e . T hre e p ages o utlin in g th e id ea, th e d eta ils , a nd th e lie . W hic h w as th at a h ard w ork in g a nd r e sp ecte d c o lo re d m aid h as a gre ed to le t m e i n te rv ie w h er a nd d esc rib e in s p ecif ic s w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r th e w hit e w om en o f o ur to w n.
W eig hin g it a gain st th e a lt e rn ativ e, th at I pla nned to a sk a c o lo re d w om an fo r h elp , s a yin g s h e'd a lr e ad y a gre ed to it s e em ed in fin it e ly m ore a ttr a ctiv e.
I s tr e tc hed th e c o rd in to th e p antr y , p ulle d th e s tr in g o n th e s in gle b are b ulb . T he p antr y is s h elv ed f lo or to c eilin g w it h p ic k le s a nd s o up ja rs , m ola sse s, p ut- u p v egeta b le s, a nd p re se rv es. T his w as m y o ld h ig h s c ho ol tr ic k to g et s o m e p riv acy.
" H ello ? T his is E ugenia s p eak in g." " P le ase h o ld , I 'll p ut th e c all th ro ugh." I h eard a s e rie s o f c lic k s a nd th en a fa r, fa r a w ay v o ic e, a lm ost a s d eep a s a m an's , s a y, " E la in e S te in ." " H ello ? T his is S keet- -E ugenia P hela n in M is sis sip pi? " " I k no w , M is s P hela n. I c alle d y o u." I h eard a m atc h s tr ik e, a s h o rt, s h arp in hale . " I r e ceiv ed y o ur le tte r la st w eek . I h ave s o m e c o m ments ." "Y es m a'a m ." I s a nk d ow n o nto a ta ll tin c an o f K in g B is c uit flo ur. M y h eart th um ped a s I s tr a in ed to hear h er. A p ho ne c all fr o m N ew Y ork tr u ly s o und ed a s c ra ck ly a s a th o usa nd m ile s a w ay o ught to .
"W hat g ave y o u th is id ea? A bout in te rv ie w in g d om estic h o use k eep ers . I 'm c urio us." I s a t p ara ly ze d a s e co nd . S he o ffe re d n o c hattin g o r h ello , n o in tr o ductio n o f h ers e lf . I r e aliz e d it w as best to a nsw er h er a s in str u cte d . " I w as . . . w ell, I w as r a is e d b y a c o lo re d w om an. I 'v e s e en h o w sim ple it c an b e a nd --a nd h o w c o m ple x it c an b e b etw een th e fa m ilie s a nd th e h elp ." I c le are d m y th ro at. I s o und ed s tif f, lik e I w as ta lk in g to a te acher.
"C ontin ue." "W ell, " I to ok a d eep b re ath , " I'd lik e to w rit e th is s h o w in g th e p oin t o f v ie w o f th e h elp . T he c o lo re d wom en d ow n h ere ." I tr ie d to p ic tu re C onsta ntin e's fa ce, A ib ile en's . " T hey r a is e a w hit e c hild a nd th en tw enty y ears la te r th e c hild b eco m es th e e m plo yer. I t's th at ir o ny, th at w e lo ve th em a nd th ey lo ve u s, y et . . ." I s w allo w ed , m y v o ic e tr e m blin g. " W e d on't e ven a llo w th em to u se th e to ile t in th e ho use ." Again th ere w as s ile nce.
"A nd ," I fe lt c o m pelle d to c o ntin ue, " e very o ne k no w s h o w w e w hit e p eo ple fe el, th e g lo rif ie d Mam my fig ure w ho d ed ic ate s h er w ho le lif e to a w hit e fa m ily . M arg are t M it c hell c o vere d th at. B ut no o ne e ver a sk ed M am my h o w s h e fe lt a b out it ." S w eat d rip ped d ow n m y c hest, b lo ttin g th e fr o nt of m y c o tto n b lo use .
"S o y o u w ant to s h o w a s id e th at's n ever b een e xam in ed b efo re ," M is su s S te in s a id .
"Y es. B ecause n o o ne e ver ta lk s a b out it . N o o ne ta lk s a b out a nyth in g d ow n h ere ." Ela in e S te in la ughed lik e a g ro w l. H er a ccent w as tig ht, Y ank ee. " M is s P hela n, I liv ed in A tla nta . F or six y ears w it h m y fir s t h usb and ." I la tc hed o n to th is s m all c o nnectio n. " S o . . . y o u k no w w hat it 's lik e th en." "E no ugh to g et m e o ut o f th ere ," s h e s a id , a nd I h eard h er e xhale h er s m oke. " L ook, I r e ad y o ur outlin e. I t's c erta in ly ... o rig in al, b ut it w on't w ork . W hat m aid in h er r ig ht m in d w ould e ver te ll y o u th e tr u th ?" I c o uld s e e M oth er's p in k s lip pers p ass b y th e d oor. I tr ie d to ig no re th em . I c o uld n't b elie ve M is su s Ste in w as a lr e ad y c allin g m y b lu ff. " T he fir s t in te rv ie w ee is . . . e ager to te ll h er s to ry ." "M is s P hela n," E la in e S te in s a id , a nd I k new it w asn 't a q uestio n, " th is N egro a ctu ally a gre ed to ta lk to y o u c and id ly ? A bout w ork in g fo r a w hit e fa m ily ? B ecause th at s e em s lik e a h ell o f a r is k in a pla ce lik e J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " I s a t b lin k in g. I fe lt th e fir s t fin gers o f w orry th at A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e a s e asy to c o nvin ce a s I 'd th o ught. L it tle d id I k no w w hat s h e w ould s a y to m e o n h er fr o nt s te p s th e n ext w eek . "I w atc hed th em tr y to in te gra te y o ur b us s ta tio n o n th e n ew s," M is su s S te in c o ntin ued . " T hey ja m med fif ty -fiv e N egro es in a ja il c ell b uilt fo r fo ur." I p urs e d m y lip s. " S he h as a gre ed . Y es, s h e h as." "W ell. T hat is im pre ssiv e. B ut a fte r h er, y o u r e ally th in k o th er m aid s w ill ta lk to y o u? W hat if th e em plo yers fin d o ut? " "T he in te rv ie w s w ould b e c o nd ucte d s e cre tly . S in ce, a s y o u k no w , th in gs a re a lit tle d angero us d ow n here r ig ht n o w ." T he tr u th w as, I h ad v ery lit tle id ea h o w d angero us th in gs w ere . I 'd s p ent th e p ast fo ur y ears lo ck ed a w ay in th e p ad ded r o om o f c o lle ge, r e ad in g K eats a nd E ud ora W elt y a nd worry in g o ver te rm p ap ers .
"A lit tle d angero us? " S he la ughed . " T he m arc hes in B ir m in gham , M artin L uth er K in g. D ogs a tta ck in g co lo re d c hild re n. D arlin g, it 's th e h o tte st to pic in th e n atio n. B ut, I 'm s o rry , th is w ill n ever w ork . N ot as a n a rtic le , b ecause n o S outh ern n ew sp ap er w ould p ub lis h it . A nd c erta in ly n o t a s a b ook. A b ook of in te rv ie w s w ould n ever s e ll. " "O h," I h eard m yse lf s a y. I c lo se d m y e yes, fe elin g a ll th e e xcit e m ent d ra in o ut o f m e. I h eard m yse lf sa y a gain , " O h." "I c alle d b ecause , fr a nk ly , it 's a g o od id ea. B ut . . . th ere 's n o p ossib le w ay to ta k e it to p rin t." "B ut . . . w hat if . . ." M y e yes s ta rte d d artin g a ro und th e p antr y , lo okin g fo r s o m eth in g to b rin g b ack her in te re st. M ayb e I sh ould ta lk a b out it a s a n a rtic le , m ayb e a m agazin e, b ut s h e s a id n o -- "E ugenia , w ho a re y o u ta lk in g to in th ere ?" M oth er's v o ic e c ut th o ugh th e c ra ck . S he in ched th e door o pen a nd I y ank ed it c lo se d a gain . I c o vere d th e r e ceiv er, h is se d , " I'm ta lk in g to Hilly , M oth er- -" "In th e p antr y ? Y ou'r e lik e a te enager a gain --" "I m ean--" M is su s S te in le t o ut a s h arp ts k . " I s u p pose I c o uld r e ad w hat y o u g et. G od k no w s, th e book b usin ess c o uld u se s o m e r a ttlin g." "Y ou'd d o th at? O h M is su s S te in . . ." "I'm n o t s a yin g I 'm c o nsid erin g it . B ut... d o th e in te rv ie w a nd I 'll le t y o u k no w if it 's w orth p urs u in g." I s tu tte re d a fe w u nin te llig ib le s o und s, fin ally c o m in g o ut w it h , " Thank y o u. M is su s S te in , I c an't te ll yo u h o w m uch I a p pre cia te y o ur h elp ." "D on't th ank m e y et. C all R uth , m y s e cre ta ry , if y o u n eed to g et in to uch." A nd s h e h ung u p .
I lu g a n O ld S ATC HEL to b rid ge c lu b a t E liz a b eth 's o n W ed nesd ay. I t is r e d . I t is u gly . A nd fo r to day, a t le ast, it is a p ro p.
It's th e o nly b ag in M oth er's h o use I c o uld fin d la rg e e no ugh to c arry th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs . T he le ath er is c ra ck ed a nd fla k in g, th e th ic k s h o uld er s tr a p le aves a b ro w n m ark o n m y b lo use w here th e le ath er s ta in is r u b bin g o ff. I t w as m y G ra nd m oth er C la ir e 's g ard enin g b ag. S he u se d to c arry h er gard en to ols a ro und th e y ard in it a nd th e b otto m is s till lin ed w it h s u nflo w er s e ed s. I t m atc hes ab so lu te ly n o th in g I o w n a nd I d on't c are .
"T w o w eek s," H illy s a ys to m e, h o ld in g u p tw o fin gers . " H e's c o m in g." S he s m ile s a nd I s m ile b ack .
"I'll b e r ig ht b ack ," I s a y a nd I s lip in to th e k it c hen, c arry in g m y s a tc hel w it h m e.
Aib ile en is s ta nd in g a t th e s in k . " A fte rn o on," s h e s a ys q uie tly . I t w as a w eek a go th at I v is it e d h er a t her h o use .
I s ta nd th ere a m in ute , w atc hin g h er s tir th e ic ed te a, fe elin g th e d is c o m fo rt in h er p ostu re , h er d re ad th at I m ig ht b e a b out to a sk fo r h er h elp o n th e b ook a gain . I p ull a fe w h o use k eep in g le tte rs o ut and , s e ein g th is , A ib ile en's s h o uld ers r e la x a lit tle . A s I r e ad h er a q uestio n a b out m old s ta in s, s h e pours a lit tle te a in a g la ss, ta ste s it . S he s p oons m ore s u gar in th e p it c her.
"O h, fo re I fo rg et, I g o t th e a nsw er o n th at w ate r r in g q uestio n. M in ny s a y ju st r u b y o u a lit tle mayo nnais e o n it ." A ib ile en s q ueeze s h alf a le m on in th e te a. " T hen g o o n a nd th ro w th at n o -g o od husb and o ut th e d oor." S he s tir s , ta ste s. " M in ny d on't ta k e to o w ell to h usb and s." "T hank s, I 'll p ut th at d ow n," I s a y. A s c asu ally a s I c an, I p ull a n e nvelo pe fr o m m y b ag. " A nd h ere .
I'v e b een m eanin g to g iv e y o u th is ." Aib ile en s tif fe ns b ack in to h er c autio us p ose , th e o ne s h e h ad w hen I w alk ed in . " W hat y o u g o t th ere ?" s h e s a ys w it h o ut r e achin g fo r it .
"F or y o ur h elp ," I s a y q uie tly . " I'v e p ut a w ay fiv e d olla rs fo r e very a rtic le . I t's u p to th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs no w ." Aib ile en's e yes m ove q uic k ly b ack to h er te a. " N o th ank y o u, m a'a m ." "P le ase ta k e it , y o u'v e e arn ed it ." I h ear c hair s s c ra p in g o n w ood in th e d in in g r o om , E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.
"P le ase , M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit if s h e fin d y o u g iv in g m e c ash ," A ib ile en w his p ers .
"S he d oesn 't h ave to k no w ." Aib ile en lo oks u p a t m e. T he w hit e s o f h er e yes a re y ello w ed , tir e d . I k no w w hat s h e's th in k in g.
"I a lr e ad y to ld y o u, I 'm s o rry , I c an't h elp y o u w it h th at b ook, M is s S keete r." I s e t th e e nvelo pe o n th e c o unte r, k no w in g I 'v e m ad e a te rrib le m is ta k e. "P le ase . F in d y o u a no th er c o lo re d m aid . A y o ung'u n. S om eb ody... e ls e ." "B ut I d on't k no w a ny o th ers w ell e no ugh." I a m te m pte d to b rin g u p th e w ord fr ie n ds, b ut I 'm n o t th at n aiv e. I k no w w e'r e n o t fr ie nd s.
Hilly 's h ead p ops th ro ugh th e d oor. " C om e o n, S keete r, I 'm fix in g to d eal, " a nd s h e d is a p pears .
"I'm b eggin g y o u," A ib ile en s a ys, " p ut th at m oney a w ay s o M is s L eefo lt d on't s e e it ." I n o d, e m barra sse d . I tu ck th e e nvelo pe in m y b ag, k no w in g w e'r e w ors e o ff th an e ver. I t's a b rib e, sh e th in k s, to g et h er to le t m e in te rv ie w h er. A b rib e d is g uis e d a s g o odw ill a nd th ank s. I 'd b een wait in g to g iv e h er th e m oney a nyw ay, o nce it a d ded u p to s o m eth in g, b ut it 's tr u e, m y tim in g to day had b een d elib era te ly p la nned . A nd n o w I 'v e s c are d h er o ff fo r g o od.
"D arlin g, ju st tr y it o n y o ur h ead . I t c o st e le ven d olla rs . I t m ust b e g o od." Moth er h as m e c o rn ere d in th e k it c hen. I g la nce a t th e d oor to th e h all, th e d oor to th e s id e p orc h.
Moth er c o m es c lo se r, th e th in g in h and , a nd I 'm d is tr a cte d b y h o w th in h er w ris ts lo ok, h o w fr a il h er arm s a re c arry in g th e h eavy g ra y m achin e. S he p ush es m e d ow n in to a c hair , n o t s o fr a il a fte r a ll, a nd sq ueeze s a n o is y, fa rty tu b e o f g o o o n m y h ead . M oth er's b een c hasin g m e w it h th e M agic S oft & Silk y S hin ala to r fo r tw o d ays n o w .
She r u b s th e c re am in m y h air w it h b oth h and s. I c an p ra ctic ally fe el th e h o pe in h er fin gers . A c re am will n o t s tr a ig hte n m y n o se o r ta k e a fo ot o ff m y h eig ht. I t w on't a d d d is tin ctio n to m y a lm ost tr a nslu cent e yeb ro w s, n o r a d d w eig ht to m y b ony fr a m e. A nd m y te eth a re a lr e ad y p erfe ctly s tr a ig ht.
So th is is a ll s h e h as le ft to fix , m y h air .
Moth er c o vers m y d rip pin g h ead w it h a p la stic c ap . S he fa ste ns a h o se fr o m th e c ap in to a s q uare machin e.
"H ow lo ng d oes th is ta k e, M oth er? " She p ic k s u p th e b ookle t w it h a s tic k y fin ger. " It s a ys h ere , 'C over w it h th e M ir a cle S tr a ig hte nin g Cap , th en tu rn o n th e m achin e a nd w ait fo r th e m ir a culo us--' " "T en m in ute s? F if te en?" I h ear a c lic k , a r is in g r u m ble , th en fe el a s lo w , in te nse w arm th o n m y h ead . B ut s u d denly th ere 's a pop!
T he tu b e is lo ose fr o m th e m achin e a nd je rk in g a ro und lik e a m ad fir e ho se . M oth er s h rie k s, gra b s a t it a nd m is se s. F in ally , s h e s n atc hes it a nd r e atta ches it .
She ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd p ic k s u p th e b ookle t a gain . " T he M ir a cle C ap m ust r e m ain o n th e h ead fo r tw o h o urs w it h o ut r e m oval o r r e su lt s --" "T w o hours ?" "I'll h ave P asc ago ula fix y o u a g la ss o f te a, d ear." M oth er p ats m e o n th e s h o uld er a nd s w is h es o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor.
For tw o h o urs , I s m oke c ig are tte s a nd r e ad Lif e m agazin e. I fin is h To K ill a M ock in gbir d .
F in ally , I pic k u p th e Ja ck so n J o urn al , p ic k th ro ugh it . I t's F rid ay, s o th ere w on't b e a M is s M yrn a c o lu m n.
On p age fo ur, I r e ad :
Boy b lin ded o ver s e g re g ate d b ath ro om , s u sp ects q uestio ned .
I t s o und s . . .
fa m ilia r. I r e m em ber th en. T his m ust b e A ib ile en's n eig hb or.
Tw ic e th is w eek , I 'v e g o ne b y E liz a b eth 's h o use h o pin g s h e w ould n't b e h o m e, s o I c o uld ta lk to Aib ile en, tr y to fin d s o m e w ay to c o nvin ce h er to h elp m e. E liz a b eth w as h unched o ver h er s e w in g machin e, in te nt o n g ettin g a n ew d re ss r e ad y fo r th e C hris tm as s e aso n, a nd it is y et a no th er g re en go w n, c heap a nd fr a il. S he m ust'v e g o tte n a s te al a t th e b arg ain b in o n g re en m ate ria l. I w is h I c o uld go d ow n to K ennin gto n's a nd c harg e h er s o m eth in g n ew b ut ju st th e o ffe r w ould e m barra ss h er to death .
"S o, d o y o u k no w w hat y o u'r e w earin g fo r th e d ate ?" H illy 'd a sk ed th e s e co nd tim e I c am e b y.
"N ext S atu rd ay?" I'd s h ru gged . " I g uess I h ave to g o s h o ppin g." Ju st th en A ib ile en b ro ught a tr a y o f c o ffe e o ut a nd s e t it o n th e ta b le .
"T hank y o u." E liz a b eth n o dded to h er.
"W hy, th ank y o u, A ib ile en," H illy s a id , s u garin g h er c up . " I te ll y o u, y o u m ak e th e b est c o lo re d co ffe e in to w n." "T hank y o u, m a'a m ." "A ib ile en," H illy c o ntin ued , " h o w d o y o u lik e y o ur n ew b ath ro om o ut th ere ? I t's n ic e to h ave a p la ce of y o ur o w n, n o w is n 't it ? " Aib ile en s ta re d a t th e c ra ck in th e d in in g ta b le . " Y es m a'a m ." "Y ou k no w , M is te r H olb ro ok a rra nged fo r th at b ath ro om , A ib ile en. S ent th e b oys o ver a nd th e eq uip m ent, to o." H illy s m ile d .
Aib ile en ju st s to od th ere a nd I w is h ed I w asn 't in th e r o om .
Ple a se , I th o ught, ple a se d on't s a y th ank y o u.
"Y es m a'a m ." A ib ile en o pened a d ra w er a nd r e ached in sid e, b ut H illy k ep t lo okin g a t h er. I t w as s o obvio us w hat s h e w ante d .
Ano th er s e co nd p asse d w it h n o o ne m ovin g. H illy c le are d h er th ro at a nd fin ally A ib ile en lo w ere d h er head . " T hank y o u, m a'a m ," s h e w his p ere d . S he w alk ed b ack in to th e k it c hen. I t's n o w ond er s h e doesn 't w ant to ta lk to m e. At n o on, M oth er r e m oves th e v ib ra tin g c ap fr o m m y h ead , w ash es th e g o o fr o m m y h air w hile I le an back in th e k it c hen s in k . S he q uic k ly r o lls u p a d oze n c urle rs , p uts m e u nd er h er h air d ry er h o od in her b ath ro om .
An h o ur la te r, I e m erg e p in k a nd s o re head ed a nd th ir s ty . M oth er s ta nd s m e in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r, pullin g o ut c urle rs . S he b ru sh es o ut th e g ia nt c ir c ula r m ound s o n m y h ead .
We s ta re , d um bfo und ed .
"H o-ly s h it ," I s a y. A ll I 'm th in k in g is , The d ate . T he b lin d d ate is n ex t w eek en d.
Moth er s m ile s, s h o ck ed . S he d oesn 't e ven s c o ld m e fo r c urs in g. M y h air lo oks g re at. T he S hin ala to r actu ally w ork ed .
ch ap te r 9 O N S ATU RD AY, th e d ay o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth , I s it fo r tw o h o urs u nd er th e S hin ala to r ( re su lt s , it s e em s, o nly la st u ntil th e n ext w ash ). W hen I 'm d ry , I g o to K ennin gto n's a nd b uy th e f la tte st s h o es I c an fin d a nd a s lim b la ck c re p e d re ss. I h ate s h o ppin g, b ut I 'm g la d fo r th e d is tr a ctio n, to n o t h ave to w orry a b out M is su s S te in o r A ib ile en fo r a n a fte rn o on. I c harg e th e e ig hty -fiv e d olla rs to M oth er's a cco unt s in ce s h e's a lw ays b eggin g m e to g o b uy n ew c lo th es.
( "S om eth in g fla tte rin g fo r y o ur siz e .
") I k no w M oth er w ould p ro fo und ly d is a p pro ve o f th e c le avage t h e d re ss e nab le s m e to h ave. I 'v e n ever o w ned a d re ss lik e th is .
I n th e K ennin gto n's p ark in g lo t I s ta rt th e c ar, b ut c anno t d riv e fo r th e s u d den p ain s in m y s to m ach. I g rip th e w hit e p ad ded s te erin g w heel, te llin g m yse lf fo r th e te nth tim e th at it 's r id ic ulo us to w is h fo r s o m eth in g I 'll n ever h ave. T o th in k I k no w th e c o lo r b lu e h is e yes a re fr o m a b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to gra p h. T o c o nsid er s o m eth in g a c hance th at is n o th in g b ut p ap er a nd fila m ent a nd p ostp oned d in ners . B ut th e d re ss, w it h m y n ew h air , it a ctu ally lo oks p re tty g o od o n m e. A nd I c an't h elp b ut h o pe.
I T W AS F O UR M ONTH S A GO w hen H illy s h o w ed m e th e p ic tu re , o ut b ack b y h er s w im min g p ool. H illy w as ta nnin g in th e s u n, I w as fa nnin g in th e m urk y s h ad e. M y h eat r a sh h ad fla re d in J u ly a nd h ad n't s u b sid ed .
" I'm b usy," I s a id . H illy s a t o n th e e d ge o f th e p ool, s a ggy a nd p ost- p re gnant fa t, in exp lic ab ly c o nfid ent in h er b la ck s w im su it . H er s to m ach w as p aunchy, b ut h er le gs, a s a lw ays, w ere th in a nd p re tty .
" I h aven't e ven to ld y o u w hen h e's c o m in g," s h e s a id . " A nd h e c o m es fr o m s u ch a g o od fa m ily ." S he w as, o f c o urs e , ta lk in g a b out h er o w n. H e w as W illia m 's s e co nd c o usin r e m oved . " J u st m eet h im a nd s e e w hat y o u th in k ." I lo oked d ow n a t th e p ic tu re a gain . H e h ad c le ar o pen e yes, lig ht b ro w n c urly h air , w as th e ta lle st in a g ro up o f m en b y a la k e. B ut h is b ody w as h alf - h id den b y th e o th ers . H e m ust n o t h ave a ll h is l im bs.
" T here 's n o th in g wro ng w it h h im ," H illy s a id . " A sk E liz a b eth , s h e m et h im a t th e B enefit la st y ear w hile y o u w ere u p a t s c ho ol. N ot to m entio n, h e d ate d P atr ic ia v an D evend er fo r fo re ver." " P atr ic ia v an D evend er? " M ost B eautif u l a t O le M is s, tw o y ears in a r o w ?
" P lu s h e s ta rte d h is o w n o il b usin ess o ver in V ic k sb urg . S o if it d oesn 't w ork o ut, it 's n o t lik e y o u'll b e r u nnin g in to h im e very d ay in to w n." " A lr ig ht," I fin ally s ig hed , m ore th an a nyth in g to g et H illy o ff m y b ack .
IT 's P A ST T H REE O 'C LO CK B Y th e tim e I g et b ack h o m e fr o m b uyin g th e d re ss. I 'm s u p pose d to b e a t H illy 's a t s ix to m eet S tu art. I c heck th e m ir ro r. T he c urls a re s ta rtin g to fr a y o n th e e nd s, b ut re st o f m y h air is s till s m ooth . M oth er w as th rille d w hen I to ld h er I w ante d to tr y th e S hin ala to r again a nd w asn 't e ven s u sp ic io us o f w hy. S he d oesn 't k no w a b out m y d ate to nig ht a nd if s h e so m eho w fin d s o ut, th e n ext th re e m onth s w ill b e fu ll o f e xcru cia tin g q uestio ns lik e " D id h e c all? " a nd "W hat d id y o u d o w ro ng?" w hen it d oesn 't w ork o ut.
Moth er's d ow nsta ir s in th e r e la xin g r o om w it h D ad dy, h o lle rin g a t th e R eb el b ask etb all te am . M y bro th er, C arlt o n, is o n th e s o fa w it h h is s h in y n ew g ir lf r ie nd . T hey d ro ve u p th is a fte rn o on fr o m L SU .
She h as a d ark s tr a ig ht p onty ta il a nd w ears a r e d b lo use .
When I g et C arlt o n a lo ne in th e k it c hen, h e la ughs, y ank s m y h air lik e w e'r e k id s a gain . " S o h o w a re yo u, s is te r? " I te ll h im a b out th e jo b a t th e p ap er, th at I 'm e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. I a ls o te ll h im h e b ette r be m ovin g b ack h o m e a fte r la w s c ho ol. " Y ou d ese rv e s o m e o f M oth er's tim e to o. I 'm ta k in g m ore th an m y fa ir s h are h ere ," I s a y th ro ugh g rit te d te eth .
He la ughs lik e h e u nd ers ta nd s, b ut h o w c o uld h e r e ally ? H e's th re e y ears o ld er th an m e a nd g re at- lo okin g, ta ll w it h w avy b lo nd h air , fin is h in g L SU la w s c ho ol, p ro te cte d b y a h und re d a nd s e venty mile s o f b ad ly p aved r o ad s.
When h e g o es b ack to h is g ir lf r ie nd , I s e arc h fo r M oth er's c ar k eys, b ut I c an't fin d th em a nyw here .
It's a lr e ad y a q uarte r to fiv e. I g o a nd s ta nd in th e d oorw ay, tr y to c atc h M oth er's a tte ntio n. I h ave to wait fo r h er to fin is h fir in g q uestio ns a t P onyta il G ir l a b out h er p eo ple a nd w here s h e's fr o m , b ut Moth er w ill n o t le t u p u ntil s h e fin d s a t le ast o ne p ers o n th ey h ave in c o m mon. A fte r th at, it 's w hat so ro rit y th e g ir l w as in a t V and erb ilt , a nd s h e fin ally c o nclu d es b y a sk in g w hat h er s ilv er p atte rn is .
It's b ette r th an a h o ro sc o pe, M oth er a lw ays s a ys.
Ponyta il G ir l s a ys h er fa m ily p atte rn is C hantilly , b ut s h e'll b e p ic k in g o ut h er o w n n ew p atte rn w hen sh e g ets m arrie d . " S in ce I c o nsid er m yse lf a n in d ep end ent th in k er a nd a ll. " C arlt o n p ets h er o n th e head a nd s h e n ud ges a gain st h is h and lik e a c at. T hey b oth lo ok u p a t m e a nd s m ile .
"S keete r," P onyta il G ir l s a ys to m e a cro ss th e r o om , " y o u'r e s o lu ck y to c o m e fr o m a F ra ncis th e Fir s t fa m ily p atte rn . W ill y o u k eep it w hen y o u g et m arrie d ?" "F ra ncis th e F ir s t is ju st d re am y," I b eam . " W hy, I p ull th o se fo rk s o ut a ll th e tim e ju st to lo ok a t th em ." Moth er n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. I m otio n h er to th e k it c hen, b ut a no th er te n m in ute s p ass u ntil s h e co m es in .
"W here in th e w orld a re y o ur k eys, M am a? I 'm la te fo r H illy 's . I 'm s ta yin g th ere to nig ht." "W hat? B ut C arlt o n's h o m e. W hat's h is n ew fr ie nd g o in g to th in k if y o u le ave fo r s o m eth in g b ette r to do?" I'v e p ut o ff te llin g h er th is b ecause I k new , w heth er C arlt o n w as h o m e o r n o t, it w ould tu rn in to a n arg um ent.
"A nd P asc ago ula m ad e a r o ast a nd D ad dy's g o t th e w ood a ll r e ad y fo r a fir e to nig ht in th e r e la xin g ro om ." "It's e ig hty -fiv e d egre es o uts id e, M am a." "N ow lo ok. Y our b ro th er is h o m e a nd I e xp ect y o u to b ehave lik e a g o od s is te r. I d on't w ant y o u le avin g u ntil y o u'v e h ad a n ic e lo ng v is it w it h th is g ir l. " S he's lo okin g a t h er w atc h w hile I r e m in d myse lf I 'm tw enty -th re e y ears o ld . " P le ase , d arlin g," s h e s a ys a nd I s ig h a nd c arry a d am n tr a y o f min t ju le p s o ut to th e o th ers .
"M am a," I s a y b ack in th e k it c hen a t fiv e tw enty -e ig ht. " I'v e g o t to g o . W here a re y o ur k eys? H illy 's wait in g o n m e." "B ut w e h aven't e ven h ad th e p ig s in a b la nk et y et." "H illy 's g o t . . . a s to m ach b ug," I w his p er. " A nd h er h elp d oesn 't c o m e in to m orro w . S he n eed s m e to w atc h th e k id s." Moth er s ig hs. " I g uess th at m eans y o u'r e g o in g to c hurc h w it h th em to o. A nd I th o ught w e c o uld a ll go to m orro w a s a fa m ily . H ave S und ay d in ner to geth er." "M am a, p le ase ," I s a y, r u m magin g th ro ugh a b ask et w here s h e k eep s h er k eys. " I c an't fin d y o ur keys anyw here .
" "Y ou c an't ta k e th e C ad illa c o vern ig ht. T hat's o ur g o od S und ay c hurc h c ar." He's g o in g to b e a t H illy 's in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'm s u p pose d to d re ss a nd d o m y m ak eup a t H illy 's s o Moth er w on't s u sp ect a nyth in g. I c an't ta k e D ad dy's n ew tr u ck . I t's fu ll o f fe rtiliz e r a nd I k no w h e'll need it a t d aw n to m orro w .
"A lr ig ht, I 'll ta k e th e o ld tr u ck , th en." "I b elie ve it h as a tr a ile r o n it . G o a sk y o ur d ad dy." But I c an't a sk D ad dy b ecause I c an't g o th ro ugh th is in fr o nt o f th re e o th er p eo ple w ho w ill lo ok a ll hurt th at I 'm le avin g, s o I g ra b th e o ld tr u ck k eys a nd s a y, " It d oesn 't m atte r. I 'm ju st g o in g s tr a ig ht to Hilly 's ," a nd I h uff o uts id e o nly to fin d th at n o t o nly d oes th e o ld tr u ck h ave a tr a ile r h it c hed to it , b ut a h alf - to n tr a cto r o n to p o f th at tr a ile r.
So I d riv e in to to w n fo r m y fir s t d ate in tw o y ears in a r e d 1 941 C hevro le t fo ur- o n-th e-flo or w it h a Jo hn D eere m oto r g ra d er h o oked b ehin d m e. T he e ngin e s p utte rs a nd c hurn s a nd I w ond er if th e tr u ck w ill m ak e it . C hunk s o f m ud s p ra y b ehin d m e o ff th e tir e s. T he e ngin e s ta lls o n th e m ain r o ad , se nd in g m y d re ss a nd b ag fly in g o nto th e d ir ty flo or. I h ave to r e sta rt tw ic e.
At fiv e fo rty -fiv e, a b la ck th in g s tr e ak s o ut in fr o nt o f m e a nd I fe el a th unk . I tr y to s to p b ut bra k in g's ju st n o t s o m eth in g y o u c an d o v ery q uic k ly w it h a 1 0,0 00-p ound p ie ce o f m achin ery behin d y o u. I g ro an a nd p ull o ver. I h ave to g o c heck . R em ark ab ly , th e c at s ta nd s u p , lo oks a ro und stu nned , a nd s h o ots b ack in to th e w oods a s q uic k ly a s it c am e.
At th re e m in ute s to s ix , a fte r d oin g tw enty in a fif ty w it h h o rn s h o nk in g a nd te enagers h o lle rin g a t m e, I p ark d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m H illy 's h o use s in ce H illy 's c ul- d e-sa c d oesn 't p ro vid e a d eq uate p ark in g fo r fa rm e q uip m ent. I g ra b m y b ag a nd r u n in sid e w it h o ut e ven k no ck in g, a ll o ut o f b re ath a nd sw eaty a nd w in d blo w n a nd th ere th ey a re , th e th re e o f th em , in clu d in g m y d ate . H avin g h ig hb alls in th e fr o nt liv in g r o om .
I fr e eze in th e e ntr a nce h all w it h a ll o f th em lo okin g a t m e. W illia m a nd S tu art b oth s ta nd u p . G od, he's ta ll, h as a t le ast fo ur in ches o ver m e. H illy 's e yes a re b ig w hen s h e g ra b s m y a rm . " B oys, w e'll be r ig ht b ack . Y 'a ll ju st s it tig ht a nd ta lk a b out q uarte rb ack s o r s o m eth in g." Hilly w his k s m e o ff to h er d re ssin g r o om a nd w e b oth s ta rt g ro anin g. I t's ju st s o g o ddam n a w fu l.
"S keete r, y o u d on't e ven h ave lip stic k o n! Y our h air lo oks lik e a r a t's n est! " "I k no w , lo ok a t m e!" A ll tr a ces o f th e S hin ala to r's m ir a cle a re g o ne. " T here 's n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g in th e tr u ck . I h ad to r id e w it h th e d am n w in d ow s d ow n." I s c ru b m y fa ce a nd H illy s it s m e in h er d re ssin g r o om c hair . S he s ta rts c o m bin g m y h air o ut th e w ay my m oth er u se d to d o, tw is tin g it in to th ese g ia nt r o lle rs , s p ra yin g it w it h F in al N et.
"W ell? W hat d id y o u th in k o f h im ?" s h e a sk s.
I s ig h a nd c lo se m y u nm asc ara ed e yes. " H e lo oks h and so m e." I s m ear th e m ak eup o n, s o m eth in g I h ard ly e ven k no w h o w to d o. H illy lo oks a t m e a nd s m ud ges it off w it h a tis su e, r e ap plie s it . I s lip in to th e b la ck d re ss w it h th e d eep V in th e fr o nt, th e b la ck Delm an fla ts . H illy q uic k ly b ru sh es o ut m y h air . I w ash m y a rm pit s w it h a w et r a g a nd s h e r o lls h er eyes a t m e.
"I h it a ca t ," I s a y.
"H e's a lr e ad y h ad tw o d rin k s w ait in g o n y o u." I s ta nd u p a nd s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " A lr ig ht," I s a y, " g iv e it to m e. O ne to te n." Hilly lo oks m e u p a nd d ow n, s to ps o n th e d ip in th e fr o nt o f th e d re ss. S he r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. I 'v e never s h o w n c le avage b efo re in m y lif e ; k in d o f fo rg o t I h ad it .
"S ix ," s h e s a ys, lik e s h e is s u rp ris e d h ers e lf .
We ju st lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . H illy le ts o ut a lit tle s q ueal a nd I s m ile b ack . H illy 's n ever g iv en me h ig her th an a fo ur. When w e c o m e b ack in to th e fr o nt liv in g r o om , W illia m 's p oin tin g h is fin ger a t S tu art. " I'm g o in g to ru n fo r th at s e at a nd b y G od, w it h y o ur d ad dy's --" "S tu art W hit w orth ," H illy a nno unces, " I'd lik e to in tr o duce S keete r P hela n." He s ta nd s u p , a nd fo r a m in ute m y h ead is p erfe ctly q uie t in sid e. I m ak e m yse lf lo ok, lik e s e lf - in flic te d to rtu re , a s h e ta k es m e in .
"S tu art h ere w ent to s c ho ol o ver a t th e U niv ers it y o f A la b am a," W illia m s a ys, a d din g, " R oll T id e." "N ic e to m eet y o u." S tu art flip s m e a b rie f s m ile . T hen h e ta k es a lo ng s lu rp o f h is d rin k u ntil I h ear th e ic e c lin k a gain st h is te eth . " S o w here w e o ff to ?" h e a sk s W illia m .
We ta k e W illia m 's O ld sm obile to th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. S tu art o pens m y d oor a nd s it s b esid e m e in th e b ack , b ut th en le ans o ver th e s e at ta lk in g to W illia m a b out d eer s e aso n th e r e st o f th e r id e.
At th e ta b le , h e p ulls o ut m y c hair fo r m e a nd I s it , s m ile , s a y th ank y o u.
"Y ou w ant a d rin k ?" h e a sk s m e, n o t lo okin g m y w ay.
"N o, th ank s. J u st w ate r, p le ase ." He tu rn s to th e w ait e r a nd s a ys, " D oub le O ld K entu ck y s tr a ig ht w it h a w ate r b ack ." I g uess it 's s o m e tim e a fte r h is fif th b ourb on, I s a y, " S o H illy te lls m e y o u'r e in th e o il b usin ess. T hat must b e in te re stin g." "T he m oney's g o od. I f th at's w hat y o u r e ally w ant to k no w ." "O h, I d id n't . . ." B ut I s to p b ecause h e's c ra nin g h is n eck a t s o m eth in g. I lo ok u p a nd s e e h e's sta rin g a t a w om an w ho 's a t th e d oor, a b usty b lo nd e w it h r e d lip stic k a nd a tig ht g re en d re ss.
Willia m tu rn s to s e e w hat S tu art's lo okin g a t, b ut h e s w in gs b ack a ro und q uic k ly . H e s h ak es h is h ead no , v ery s lig htly , a t S tu art a nd I s e e, h ead in g o ut th e d oor, it 's H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd , J o hnny F oote , wit h h is n ew w if e , C elia . T hey le ave a nd W illia m a nd I g la nce a t e ach o th er, s h arin g o ur r e lie f th at Hilly d id n't s e e th em .
"L ord , th at g ir l's h o t a s T unic a b la ck to p," S tu art s a ys u nd er h is b re ath a nd I s u p pose th at's w hen I ju st s to p c arin g w hat h ap pens.
At s o m e p oin t, H illy lo oks a t m e to s e e w hat's g o in g o n. I s m ile lik e e very th in g's fin e a nd s h e s m ile s back , h ap py to s e e it 's a ll w ork in g o ut. " W illia m ! T he lie ute nant g o vern o r ju st w alk ed in . L et's g o sp eak b efo re h e s it s d ow n." They g o o ff to geth er, le avin g u s, th e tw o lo veb ir d s s it tin g o n th e s a m e s id e o f th e ta b le , s ta rin g a t a ll th e h ap py c o up le s in th e r o om .
"S o," h e s a ys, h ard ly tu rn in g h is h ead . " Y ou e ver g o to a ny o f th e A la b am a fo otb all g am es? " I n ever e ven m ad e it to C olo nel F ie ld a nd th at w as fiv e th o usa nd y ard s fr o m m y b ed . " N o, I 'm n o t re ally a fo otb all fa n." I lo ok a t m y w atc h. I t's h ard ly s e ven fif te en.
"T hat s o ." H e e yes th e d rin k th e w ait e r h as h and ed h im lik e h e'd r e ally e njo y d ow nin g it . " W ell, w hat do y o u d o w it h y o ur tim e?" "I w rit e a . . . d om estic m ain te nance c o lu m n fo r th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.
" He w rin k le s h is b ro w , th en la ughs. " D om estic m ain te nance. Y ou m ean . . . h o use k eep in g?" I n o d.
"J e su s." H e s tir s h is d rin k . " I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g w ors e th an r e ad in g a c o lu m n o n h o w to c le an ho use ," h e s a ys, a nd I n o tic e th at h is fr o nt to oth is th e s lig hte st b it c ro oked . I lo ng to p oin t th is im perfe ctio n o ut to h im , b ut h e fin is h es h is th o ught w it h , " E xcep t m ayb e w rit in g it ." I ju st s ta re a t h im .
"S ound s lik e a p lo y to m e, to fin d a h usb and . B eco m in g a n e xp ert o n k eep in g h o use ." "W ell, y o u m ust b e a g eniu s. Y ou'v e fig ure d o ut m y w ho le s c hem e." "Is n 't th at w hat y o u w om en fr o m O le M is s m ajo r in ? P ro fe ssio nal h usb and h untin g?" I w atc h h im , d um bfo und ed . I m ay n o t'v e h ad a d ate in u m pte en y ears , b ut w ho d oes h e th in k h e is ?
"I'm s o rry , b ut w ere y o u d ro pped o n y o ur h ead a s a n in fa nt? " He b lin k s a t m e, th en la ughs fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht.
"N ot th at it 's a ny o f y o ur b usin ess," I s a y, " b ut I h ad to s ta rt s o m ew here if I p la n o n b ein g a jo urn alis t." I th in k I 'v e a ctu ally im pre sse d h im . B ut th en h e th ro w s b ack th e d rin k a nd th e lo ok is go ne.
We e at d in ner, a nd fr o m h is p ro file I c an s e e h is n o se is a lit tle p oin ty . H is e yeb ro w s a re to o th ic k , and h is lig ht b ro w n h air to o c o ars e . W e s a y lit tle e ls e , to e ach o th er a t le ast. H illy c hats , th ro w in g th in gs o ur w ay lik e, " S tu art, S keete r h ere liv es o n a p la nta tio n ju st n o rth o f to w n. D id n't th e s e nato r gro w u p o n a p eanut fa rm ?" Stu art o rd ers y et a no th er d rin k .
When H illy a nd I g o to th e b ath ro om , s h e g iv es m e a h o pefu l s m ile . " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" "H e's . . . ta ll, " I s a y, s u rp ris e d s h e h asn 't n o tic ed th at n o t o nly is m y d ate in exp lic ab ly r u d e, b ut dro p-d ead d ru nk .
The e nd o f th e m eal fin ally c o m es a nd h e a nd W illia m s p lit th e c heck . S tu art s ta nd s u p a nd h elp s m e wit h m y ja ck et. A t le ast h e h as n ic e m anners .
"J e su s, I 'v e n ever m et a w om an w it h s u ch lo ng a rm s," h e s a ys. "W ell, I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody w it h s u ch a d rin k in g p ro ble m ." "Y our c o at s m ells lik e--" H e le ans d ow n a nd s n if fs it , g rim acin g. " Fertiliz e r.
" He s tr id es o ff to th e m en's r o om a nd I w is h I c o uld d is a p pear.
The c ar r id e, a ll th re e m in ute s o f it , is im possib ly s ile nt. A nd lo ng.
We g o b ack in sid e H illy 's h o use . Y ule M ay c o m es o ut in h er w hit e u nif o rm , s a ys, " T hey a ll fin e, w ent to b ed g o od," a nd s h e s lip s o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor. I e xcuse m yse lf to th e b ath ro om .
"S keete r, w hy d on't y o u d riv e S tu art h o m e?" W illia m s a ys w hen I c o m e o ut. " I'm b ush ed , a re n't y o u, Hilly ?" Hilly 's lo okin g a t m e lik e s h e's tr y in g to fig ure o ut w hat I w ant to d o. I th o ught I 'd m ad e it o bvio us when I s ta yed in th e b ath ro om fo r te n m in ute s.
"Y our . . . c ar's n o t h ere ?" I a sk th e a ir in fr o nt o f S tu art.
"I d on't b elie ve m y c o usin 's in a p osit io n to d riv e." W illia m la ughs. E very o ne's q uie t a gain .
"I c am e in a tr u ck ," I s a y. " I'd h ate fo r y o u to . . ." "S ho ot," W illia m s a ys, s la p pin g S tu art o n th e b ack . " S tu art d oesn 't m in d r id in g in a tr u ck , d o y o u, bud dy?" "W illia m ," H illy s a ys, " w hy d on't y o u d riv e a nd , S keete r, y o u c an r id e a lo ng." "N ot m e, I 'm to o b ooze d u p m yse lf ," W illia m s a ys e ven th o ugh h e ju st d ro ve u s h o m e.
Fin ally , I ju st w alk o ut th e d oor. S tu art fo llo w s m e, d oesn 't c o m ment th at I d id n't p ark in fr o nt o f Hilly 's h o use o r in H illy 's d riv ew ay. W hen w e g et to m y tr u ck , w e b oth s to p, s ta re a t th e fif te en-fo ot tr a cto r h o oked b ehin d m y v ehic le .
"Y ou p ulle d th at th in g a ll b y y o urs e lf ? " I s ig h. I g uess it 's b ecause I 'm a b ig p ers o n a nd h ave n ever fe lt p etit e o r p artic ula rly fe m in in e o r g ir ly , but th at tr a cto r. I t ju st s e em s to s u m u p s o m uch.
"T hat is th e fu nnie st d am n lo okin g th in g I h ave e ver s e en," h e s a ys.
I s te p a w ay fr o m h im . " H illy c an ta k e y o u," I s a y. " H illy w ill d riv e y o u." H e tu rn s a nd fo cuse s o n m e fo r w hat, I 'm p re tty s u re , is th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht. A fte r s e vera l lo ng m om ents o f s ta nd in g th ere b ein g lo oked a t, m y e yes fill w it h te ars . I 'm ju st s o tir e d .
"A h, s h it ," h e s a ys a nd h is b ody lo ose ns. " L ook, I to ld H illy I w asn 't r e ad y fo r a ny d am n d ate ." "D on't . . ." I s a y, b ack in g a w ay fr o m h im , a nd I h ead b ack to th e h o use .
SU N DAY M ORN IN G I G ET u p E A RLY , b efo re H illy a nd W illia m , b efo re th e k id s a nd th e c hurc h tr a ffic . I d riv e h o m e w it h th e tr a cto r r u m blin g b ehin d m e. T he fe rtiliz e r s m ell g iv es m e a h ango ver even th o ugh I h ad n o th in g b ut w ate r la st n ig ht.
I'd g o ne b ack in H illy 's h o use la st n ig ht, S tu art tr a ilin g b ehin d m e. K no ck in g o n H illy 's b ed ro om door, I a sk ed W illia m , w ho a lr e ad y h ad a m outh fu ll o f to oth p aste , w ould h e m in d d riv in g S tu art ho m e. I 'd w alk ed u p sta ir s to th e g uest r o om b efo re h e e ven a nsw ere d .
I s te p o ver D ad dy's d ogs o n th e p orc h, g o in to m y p are nts ' h o use . A s s o on a s I s e e M oth er, I g iv e her a h ug. W hen s h e tr ie s to le t g o , I c an't le t h er.
"W hat is it , S keete r? Y ou d id n't c atc h H illy 's s to m ach b ug, d id y o u?" "N o, I 'm fin e." I w is h I c o uld te ll h er a b out m y n ig ht. I fe el g uilt y fo r n o t b ein g n ic er to h er, fo r n o t need in g h er u ntil m y o w n lif e tu rn s b ad . I fe el b ad fo r w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere in ste ad .
Moth er p ats m y w in d blo w n h air d ow n s in ce it m ust b e a d din g a t le ast tw o in ches to m y h eig ht. " Y ou su re y o u'r e n o t fe elin g b ad ?" "I'm a lr ig ht, M am a." I a m to o tir e d to r e sis t. I a che lik e s o m eo ne k ic k ed m e in th e s to m ach. W it h boots o n. I t w on't g o a w ay.
"Y ou k no w ," s h e s a ys, s m ilin g, " I th in k th is m ig ht b e th e o ne fo r C arlt o n." "G ood, M am a," I s a y. " I'm r e ally g la d fo r h im ." AT E LEV EN O 'C LO CK th e n ext m orn in g, th e p ho ne r in gs. L uck ily , I 'm in th e k it c hen a nd p ic k it up .
"M is s S keete r? " I s ta nd v ery s till, th en lo ok o ut a t M oth er e xam in in g h er c heck book a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .
Pasc ago ula is p ullin g a r o ast o ut o f th e o ven. I g o in to th e p antr y a nd s h ut th e d oor.
"A ib ile en?" I w his p er.
She's q uie t a s e co nd a nd th en s h e b lu rts it o ut. " W hat if - -w hat if y o u d on't lik e w hat I g o t to s a y? I mean, a b out w hit e p eo ple s." "I- -I . . . th is is n 't a b out m y o pin io n," I s a y. " It d oesn 't m atte r h o w I fe el. " "B ut h o w I k no w y o u a in 't g o ne g et m ad , tu rn a ro und o n m e?" "I d on't . . . I g uess y o u'll ju st h ave to . . . tr u st m e." I h o ld m y b re ath , h o pin g, w ait in g. T here is a lo ng p ause .
"L aw h ave m erc y. I r e ck on I 'm o n d o it ." " Aib ile en .
" M y h eart is p ound in g. " Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch I a p pre cia te --" "M is s S keete r, w e g o ne h ave to b e r e al c are fu l. " "W e w ill, I pro m is e .
" "A nd y o u g o ne h ave to c hange m y n am e. M in e, M is s L eefo lt 's , e verb ody's ." "O f c o urs e ." I s h o uld 'v e m entio ned th is . " W hen c an w e m eet? Where c an w e m eet? " "C an't d o it in th e w hit e n eig hb orh o od, th at's fo r s u re . I g uess . . . w e g o ne h ave to d o it o ver a t m y ho use ." "D o y o u k no w a ny o th er m aid s w ho m ig ht b e in te re ste d ?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh M is su s S te in h as o nly agre ed to r e ad o ne. B ut I h ave to b e r e ad y, o n th e s lim c hance s h e lik es it .
Aib ile en is q uie t a m om ent. " I g uess I c o uld a sk M in ny. B ut s h e a in 't r e al k een o n ta lk in g to w hit e peo ple s." "M in ny? Y ou m ean . . . M is su s W alt e rs ' o ld m aid ," I s a y, fe elin g s u d denly h o w in cestu o us th is is tu rn in g. I w ould n't ju st b e p eerin g in to E liz a b eth 's lif e , b ut H illy 's to o.
"M in ny g o t h er s o m e s to rie s. S ho n uff." "A ib ile en," I s a y. " T hank y o u. O h, th ank y o u." "Y es m a'a m ." "I ju st . . . I h ave to a sk y o u. W hat c hanged y o ur m in d ?" Aib ile en d oesn 't e ven p ause . " M is s H illy ," s h e s a ys.
I g o q uie t, th in k in g o f H illy 's b ath ro om p la n a nd a ccusin g th e m aid o f s te alin g a nd h er ta lk o f dis e ase s. T he n am e c o m es o ut fla t, b it te r a s a b ad p ecan.
MIN NY ch ap te r 1 0 I W ALK I N TO W ORK w it h o ne th in g o n m y m in d . T oday is th e fir s t d ay o f D ecem ber a nd w hile t h e r e st o f th e U nit e d S ta te s is d ustin g o ff th eir m anger s c enes a nd p ullin g o ut th eir o ld s tin k y s to ck in gs, I 'v e g o t a no th er m an I 'm w ait in g o n. A nd it 's n o t S anty C la us a nd it 's n o t th e B ab y J e su s.
I t's M is te r J o hnny F oote , J r., w ho w ill le arn th at M in ny J a ck so n is h is m aid o n C hris tm as E ve.
I a m w ait in g o n th e tw enty -fo urth lik e a c o urt d ate . I d on't k no w w hat M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to d o w hen h e fin d s o ut I 'm w ork in g h ere . M ayb e h e'll s a y, G ood! C om e c le an m y k it c hen a nytim e!
H ere 's s o m e m oney! B ut I 'm n o t th at s tu p id . T his s e cre t- k eep in g is w ay to o fis h y fo r h im to b e s o m e s m ilin g w hit e y w antin g to g iv e m e a r a is e . T here 's a g o od c hance I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b c o m e C hris tm as D ay.
I t's e atin g m e u p , n o t k no w in g, b ut w hat I d o k no w is , a m onth a go , I d ecid ed th ere h ad to b e a m ore d ig nif ie d w ay to d ie th an h avin g a h eart a tta ck s q uattin g o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t lid . A nd a fte r a ll th at, it w asn 't e ven M is te r J o hnny th at c am e h o m e, it w as ju st th e d am n m ete r m an.
B ut th ere w asn 't m uch r e lie f w hen it w as o ver. W hat s c are d m e w ors e w as M is s C elia . A fte rw ard s, d urin g h er c o okin g le sso n, s h e w as s till s h ak in g s o b ad , s h e c o uld n't e ven m easu re th e s a lt in a s p oon.
M ONDAY C O M ES a nd I c an'T s to p th in k in g a b out L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n, R obert. H e g o t o ut o f th e h o sp it a l th is w eek end , w ent to liv e w it h L ouvenia , w hat w it h h is p are nts a lr e ad y d ead a nd a ll. L ast n ig ht, w hen I w ent o ver th ere to ta k e th em a c ara m el c ak e, R obert h ad a c ast o n h is a rm a nd b and ages o ver h is e yes. " O h, Louven ia ," w as a ll I c o uld s a y w hen I s a w h im . R obert w as la id u p o n th e s o fa a sle ep . T hey'd s h aved h alf h is h ead to o pera te . L ouvenia , w it h a ll h er tr o ub le s, s till w ante d to k no w h o w e ach a nd e very p ers o n in m y fa m ily w as d oin g. A nd w hen R obert s ta rte d to s tir , s h e a sk ed if I w ould n't m in d g o in g o n h o m e b ecause R obert w ak es u p s c re am in g. T errif ie d a nd r e m em berin g a ll o ver a gain th at h e's b lin d . S he th o ught it m ig ht b oth er m e. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out i t .
" I'm g o in g to th e s to re a fte r w hile ," I s a y to M is s C elia . I h o ld th e g ro cery lis t o ut fo r h er to s e e.
E very M ond ay w e d o th is . S he g iv es m e th e g ro cery c ash a nd w hen I g et h o m e I p ush th e r e ceip t in h er fa ce. I w ant h er to s e e th at e very p enny o f c hange m atc hes th e p ap er. M is s C elia ju st s h ru gs b ut I k eep th o se tic k ets s a fe in a d ra w er in c ase th ere 's e ver a ny q uestio n.
M in ny c o okin g:
1 . H am w it h p in eap ple s 2 . B la ck -e yed p eas 3 . S w eet p ota to es 4 . A pple p ie 5 . B is c uit s Mis s C elia c o okin g:
1. B utte r b eans "B ut I d id b utte r b eans la st w eek ." "L earn th o se , e very th in g e ls e c o m e e asy." "I g uess it 's b ette r a nyw ay," s h e s a ys. " I c an s it d ow n a nd b e s till w hen I 'm s h ellin g." Alm ost th re e m onth s a nd th e fo ol s till c an't b oil c o ffe e. I p ull o ut m y p ie d ough, w ant to g et it r e ad y befo re I g o to th e s to re .
"C an w e d o a c ho co la te p ie th is tim e? I lo ve c ho co la te p ie ." I g rit m y te eth . " I d on't k no w h o w to c o ok n o c ho co la te p ie ," I lie .
Nev er. N ev er a gain a fte r M is s Hilly .
"Y ou c an't ? G osh , I th o ught y o u c o uld c o ok a nyth in g. M ayb e w e o ught to g et u s a r e cip e." "W hat e ls e k in d a p ie y o u th in k in g a b out? " "W ell, w hat a b out th at p each p ie y o u d id th at tim e?" s h e s a ys, p ourin g a g la ss o f m ilk . " T hat w as r e al go od." "T hem p eaches fr o m M exic o . P eaches a in 't in s e aso n a ro und h ere y et." "B ut I s a w th em a d vertis e d in th e p ap er." I s ig h. N oth in g is e asy w it h h er, b ut a t le ast s h e's o ff th e c ho co la te . " O ne th in g y o u g o t to k no w , th in gs is b est w hen th ey in s e aso n. Y ou d on't c o ok p um pkin s in th e s u m mer, y o u d on't c o ok p eaches in th e fa ll. Y ou c an't fin d it s e llin g o n th e s id e a th e r o ad , it a in 't in . L et's ju st d o u s a n ic e p ecan p ie in ste ad ." "A nd J o hnny lo ved th o se p ra lin es y o u d id . H e th o ught I w as th e s m arte st g ir l h e'd e ver m et w hen I gave h im th o se ." I tu rn b ack to m y d ough s o s h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. T w ic e in a m in ute s h e's m anaged to ir rit a te m e.
"A nyth in g e ls e y o u w ant M is te r J o hnny to th in k y o u d id ?" B esid es b ein g s c are d o ut o f m y w it s , I a m sic k a nd tir e d o f p assin g o ff m y c o okin g fo r s o m eb ody e ls e 's . E xcep t m y k id s, m y c o okin g's th e o nly th in g I 'm p ro ud o f.
"N o, th at's a ll. " M is s C elia s m ile s, d oesn 't n o tic e I 'v e s tr e tc hed m y p ie c ru st to w here fiv e h o le s r ip th ro ugh. J u st tw enty -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is s h it . I a m p ra yin g to th e L ord a nd th e d evil o n th e s id e th at M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't c o m e h o m e b efo re th en. EV ERY O TH ER D AY, I h ear M is s C elia o n th e p ho ne in h er r o om , c allin g a nd c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s. T he B enefit w as th re e w eek s a go a nd h ere s h e is a lr e ad y g unnin g u p fo r n ext y ear. S he a nd Mis te r J o hnny d id n't g o o r I w ould 'v e h eard p le nty a b out it .
I d id n't w ork th e B enefit th is y ear, fir s t tim e in a d ecad e. T he m oney's p re tty g o od, b ut I ju st c o uld n't ris k r u nnin g in to M is s H illy .
"C ould y o u te ll h er C elia F oote c alle d a gain ? I le ft h er a m essa ge a fe w d ays b ack . . ." Mis s C elia 's v o ic e is c hip per, lik e s h e's p ed dlin g s o m eth in g o n th e te e-v ee. E very tim e I h ear it , I want to je rk th e p ho ne o ut o f h er h and , te ll h er to q uit w astin g h er tim e. B ecause n ever m in d s h e lo oks lik e a h ussy. T here 's a b ig ger r e aso n w hy M is s C elia d oesn 't h ave a ny fr ie nd s a nd I k new it th e m in ute I s a w th at p ic tu re o f M is te r J o hnny. I 'v e s e rv ed e no ugh b rid ge c lu b lu ncheo ns to k no w so m eth in g a b out e very w hit e w om an in th is to w n. M is te r J o hnny d um ped M is s H illy fo r M is s C elia back in c o lle ge, a nd M is s H illy n ever g o t o ver h im .
I W alk in T H E C HURC H o n W ed nesd ay n ig ht. I t's n o t b ut h alf fu ll s in ce it 's o nly a q uarte r to s e ven and th e c ho ir d oesn 't s ta rt s in gin g u ntil s e ven th ir ty . B ut A ib ile en a sk ed m e to c o m e e arly s o h ere I am . I 'm c urio us w hat s h e h as to s a y. P lu s L ero y w as in a g o od m ood a nd p la yin g w it h th e k id s s o I fig ure , if h e w ants th em , h e c an h ave th em .
I s e e A ib ile en in o ur u su al p ew , le ft s id e, fo urth fr o m th e fr o nt, r ig ht b y th e w in d ow fa n. W e'r e p rim e mem bers a nd w e d ese rv e a p rim e s p ot. S he's g o t h er h air s m ooth ed b ack , a lit tle r o ll o f p encil c urls aro und h er n eck . S he's w earin g a b lu e d re ss w it h b ig w hit e b utto ns th at I 'v e n ever s e en b efo re .
Aib ile en h as w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o. W hit e la d ie s lo ve g iv in g h er th eir o ld s tu ff. A s u su al, sh e lo oks p lu m p a nd r e sp ecta b le , b ut fo r a ll h er p rim a nd p ro per, A ib ile en c an s till te ll a d ir ty jo ke th at'll m ak e y o u tin k le in y o ur p ants .
I w alk u p th e a is le , s e e A ib ile en fr o w n a t s o m eth in g, c re asin g h er fo re head . F or a s e co nd I c an s e e th e fif te en-o dd y ears b etw een u s. B ut th en s h e s m ile s a nd h er fa ce g o es y o ung a nd fa t a gain .
"L ord ," I s a y a s s o on a s I 'm s e ttle d in .
"I k no w . S om eb ody g o t to te ll h er." A ib ile en fa ns h er fa ce w it h h er h ank y. I t w as K ik i B ro w n's morn in g fo r c le anin g a nd th e w ho le c hurc h is g aud ie d u p w it h h er le m on s m ell- g o od s h e m ak es a nd tr ie s to s e ll fo r tw enty -fiv e c ents a b ottle . W e h ave a s ig n-u p s h eet fo r c le anin g th e c hurc h. A sk m e, Kik i B ro w n o ught to s ig n a lit tle le ss a nd th e m en o ught to s ig n a lo t m ore . F ar a s I k no w , n o m an has s ig ned th at s h eet o nce.
Besid es th e s m ell, th e c hurc h lo oks p re tty g o od. K ik i s h in ed th e p ew s to w here y o u c o uld p ic k y o ur te eth lo okin g a t th em . T he C hris tm as tr e e's a lr e ad y u p , n ext to th e a lt a r, fu ll o f tin se l a nd a s h in y g o ld sta r o n to p. T hre e w in d ow s o f th e c hurc h h ave s ta in ed g la ss--th e b ir th o f C hris t, L aza ru s r a is e d fr o m th e d ead , a nd th e te achin g o f th o se fo ol P haris e es. T he o th er s e ven a re fille d w it h r e gula r c le ar panes. W e'r e s till r a is in g m oney fo r th o se .
"H ow B enny's a sth m a?" A ib ile en a sk s.
"H ad a lit tle s p ell y este rd ay. L ero y d ro ppin g h im a nd th e r e st a th e k id s b y in a w hile . L et's h o pe th e le m on d on't k ill h im ." "L ero y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead a nd la ughs. " T ell h im I s a id h e b ette r b ehave. O r I p ut h im o n m y pra yer lis t." "I w is h y o u w ould . O h L ord , h id e th e fo od." Hoit y -to it y B ertr in a B esse m er w ad dle s to w ard u s. S he le ans o ver th e p ew in fr o nt o f u s, s m illin g wit h a b ig , ta ck y b lu e-b ir d h at o n. B ertr in a, s h e's th e o ne w ho c alle d A ib ile en a fo ol fo r a ll th o se years .
"M in ny," B ertr in a s a ys, " I s u re w as g la d to h ear a b out y o ur n ew jo b." "T hank y o u, B ertr in a." "A nd A ib ile en, I th ank y o u fo r p uttin g m e o n y o ur p ra yer lis t. M y a ngin a s u re is b ette r n o w . I c all yo u th is w eek end a nd w e c atc h u p ." Aib ile en s m ile s, n o ds. B ertr in a w ad dle s o ff to h er p ew .
"M ayb e y o u o ught a b e a lit tle p ic k ie r w ho y o u p ra y fo r," I s a y.
"A w , I a in 't m ad a t h er n o m ore ," s a ys A ib ile en. " A nd lo ok a th ere , s h e d one lo st s o m e w eig ht." "S he te llin g e very b ody s h e lo st fo rty p ound s," I s a y.
"L ord a m erc y." "O nly g o t tw o h und re d m ore to g o ." Aib ile en tr ie s n o t to s m ile , a cts lik e s h e's w avin g a w ay th e le m on s m ell.
"S o w hat y o u w ant m e to c o m e e arly fo r? " I a sk . " Y ou m is s m e o r s o m eth in g?" "N aw , it 's n o b ig d eal. J u st s o m eth in g s o m eb ody s a id ." "W hat? " Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , lo oks a ro und fo r a nyb ody lis te nin g. W e'r e lik e r o yalt y h ere . F olk s a re alw ays h em min g in o n u s.
"Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " s h e a sk s.
"I to ld y o u I d id th e o th er d ay." She q uie ts h er v o ic e, s a ys, " W ell, r e m em ber h o w I s lip ped u p a nd to ld h er a b out T re elo re w rit in g co lo re d th in gs d ow n?" "I r e m em ber. S he w ant a s u e y o u fo r th at? " "N o, n o . S he n ic e. B ut s h e h ad th e g all to a sk if m e a nd s o m e a m y m aid fr ie nd s m ig ht w ant a p ut dow n o n p ap er w hat it 's lik e to te nd fo r w hit e p eo ple . S ay s h e w rit in g a b ook." "S ay w hat? " Aib ile en n o ds, r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. " M m-h m m." "P hhh. W ell, y o u te ll h er it 's a r e al F ourth o f J u ly p ic nic . I t's w hat w e d re am a d oin g a ll w eek end , g et back in th ey h o use s to p olis h th ey s ilv er," I s a y.
"I to ld h er, le t th e r e gula r o ld h is to ry b ooks te ll it . W hit e p eo ple b een r e p re se ntin g c o lo re d o pin io ns sin ce th e b egin nin g a tim e." "T hat's r ig ht. Y ou te ll h er." "I d id . I te ll h er s h e c ra zy," A ib ile en s a ys. " I a sk h er, w hat if w e to ld th e tr u th ? H ow w e to o s c are d to a sk fo r m in im um w age. H ow n o body g ets p aid th ey S ocia l S ecurit y . H ow it fe el w hen y o ur o w n boss b e c allin g y o u . . ." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . I 'm g la d s h e d oesn 't s a y it .
"H ow w e lo ve th ey k id s w hen th ey lit tle . . ." s h e s a ys a nd I s e e A ib ile en's lip tr e m ble a lit tle . " A nd th en th ey tu rn o ut ju st lik e th ey m am as." I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e A ib ile en's g rip pin g h er b la ck p ock etb ook lik e it 's th e o nly th in g s h e h as le ft in th is w orld . A ib ile en, s h e m oves o n to a no th er jo b w hen th e b ab ie s g et to o o ld a nd s to p b ein g c o lo r- blin d . W e d on't ta lk a b out it .
"E ven if s h e is c hangin g a ll th e n am es a th e h elp a nd th e w hit e la d ie s," s h e s n if f.
"S he c ra zy if s h e th in k w e d o s o m eth in g d angero us a s th at. F or her ." "W e d on't w ant a b rin g a ll th at m ess u p ." A ib ile en w ip es h er n o se w it h a h ank ie . " T ell p eo ple th e tr u th ." "N o, w e d on't ," I s a y, b ut I s to p. I t's s o m eth in g a b out th at w ord tr u th .
I 'v e b een tr y in g to te ll w hit e wom en th e tr u th a b out w ork in g fo r th em s in ce I w as fo urte en y ears o ld .
"W e d on't w ant a c hange n o th in g a ro und h ere ," A ib ile en s a ys a nd w e'r e b oth q uie t, th in k in g a b out a ll th e th in gs w e d on't w ant to c hange. B ut th en A ib ile en n arro w s h er e yes a t m e, a sk s, " W hat. Y ou don't th in k it 's a c ra zy id ea?" "I d o, I ju st . . ." A nd th at's w hen I s e e it . W e'v e b een fr ie nd s fo r s ix te en y ears , s in ce th e d ay I moved fr o m G re enw ood to J a ck so n a nd w e m et a t th e b us s to p. I c an r e ad A ib ile en lik e th e S und ay pap er. " Y ou th in k in g a b out it , a in 't y o u," I s a y. " Y ou w ant a ta lk to M is s S keete r." She s h ru gs a nd I k no w I 'm r ig ht. B ut b efo re A ib ile en c an c o nfe ss, R evere nd J o hnso n c o m es a nd s it s dow n in th e p ew b ehin d u s, le ans b etw een o ur s h o uld ers . " M in ny, I 'm s o rry I h aven't h ad th e c hance to te ll y o u c o ngra tu la tio ns o n y o ur n ew jo b." I s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " W hy, th ank y o u, R evere nd M in is te r." "Y ou m ust o f b een o n A ib ile en's p ra yer lis t," h e s a ys, p attin g A ib ile en o n th e s h o uld er.
"S ure w as. I to ld A ib ile en, a t th is r a te , s h e n eed s to s ta rt c harg in g." The R evere nd la ughs. H e g ets u p a nd tr e ad s s lo w ly to th e p ulp it . E very th in g g o es s till. I c an't b elie ve Aib ile en w ants to te ll M is s S keete r th e tr u th .
Tru th .
It fe els c o ol, lik e w ate r w ash in g o ver m y s tic k y-h o t b ody. C oolin g a h eat th at's b een b urn in g m e u p all m y lif e .
Tru th , I s a y in sid e m y h ead a gain , ju st fo r th at fe elin g.
Revere nd J o hnso n r a is e s h is h and s a nd s p eak s in a s o ft, d eep v o ic e. T he c ho ir b ehin d h im b egin s to hum " T alk in g to J e su s" a nd w e a ll s ta nd u p . I n h alf a m in ute I 'm s w eatin g.
"T hin k y o u m ig ht b e in te re ste d ? I n ta lk in g to M is s S keete r? " w his p ers A ib ile en.
I lo ok b ack a nd th ere 's L ero y w it h th e k id s, la te a s u su al. " W ho , m e?" I s a y a nd m y v o ic e is lo ud again st th e s o ft m usic . I ta m p it d ow n, b ut n o t b y m uch.
"A in 't n o w ay I 'm g o nna d o s o m eth in g c ra zy a s th at." FO R N O R EA SO N b ut to ir rit a te m e, w e g et a h eat w ave in D ecem ber. I n fo rty d egre es, I s w eat lik e ic ed te a in A ugust a nd h ere I w oke u p th is m orn in g to e ig hty -th re e o n th e d ia l. I 'v e s p ent h alf m y lif e tr y in g n o t to s w eat s o m uch: D ain ty L ad y s w eat c re am , fr o ze n p ota to es in m y p ock ets , ic e p ack tie d to m y h ead ( I a ctu ally p aid a d octo r fo r th at fo ol a d vic e), a nd I s till s o ak m y s w eat p ad s th ro ugh in fiv e m in ute s. I to te m y F air le y F unera l H om e fa n e very p la ce I g o . W ork s g o od a nd it w as fr e e.
Mis s C elia ta k es to th e w eek o f w arm w eath er, th o ugh, a nd a ctu ally g o es o uts id e a nd s it s b y th e pool in th ese ta ck y w hit e s u ngla sse s a nd a fu zzy b ath ro be. T hank th e L ord s h e's o ut o f th e h o use . A t fir s t I th o ught m ayb e s h e w as s ic k in th e b ody, b ut n o w I 'm w ond erin g if s h e's s ic k in th e h ead . I don't m ean th e ta lk in g to y o urs e lf v arie ty y o u s e e in o ld la d ie s lik e M is s W alt e rs w here y o u k no w it 's ju st th e o ld tim ers d is e ase , b ut th e c ap it a l C c ra zy w here y o u g et h aule d to W hit fie ld in a s tr a it ja ck et.
I c atc h h er s lip pin g u p sta ir s to th e e m pty b ed ro om s a lm ost e very d ay n o w . I h ear h er s n eak y lit tle fe et w alk in g d ow n th e h all, p assin g o ver th at lit tle s q ueak in th e flo or. I d on't th in k m uch o f it - -h eck , it 's h er h o use . B ut th en o ne d ay, s h e d oes it a gain , a nd th en a gain , a nd it 's th e fa ct th at s h e's s o d arn sn ea ky a b out it , w ait in g u ntil I tu rn o n th e H oover o r g et b usy o n a c ak e, th at m ak es m e s u sp ic io us.
She s p end s a b out s e ven o r e ig ht m in ute s u p th ere a nd th en p okes h er lit tle h ead a ro und to m ak e su re I d on't s e e h er c o m e d ow n a gain .
"D on't g o g ettin g in h er b usin ess," L ero y s a ys. " Y ou ju st m ak e s u re s h e te lls h er m is te r y o u c le anin g his h o use ." L ero y's b een o n th e d am n C ro w th e p ast c o up le o f n ig hts , d rin k in g b ehin d th e p ow er pla nt a fte r h is s h if t. H e's n o fo ol. H e k no w s if I 'm d ead , th at p aycheck w on't b e s h o w in g u p o n it s ow n.
Afte r s h e m ak es h er tr ip u p sta ir s , M is s C elia c o m es to th e k it c hen ta b le in ste ad o f g o in g b ack to bed . I w is h s h e'd g et o n o ut o f h ere . I 'm p ullin g c hic k en o ff th e b one. I 'v e g o t th e b ro th b oilin g a nd th e d um plin gs a lr e ad y c ut. I d on't w ant h er tr y in g to h elp w it h th is .
"J u st th ir te en m ore d ays b efo re y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e," I s a y, a nd lik e I k new s h e w ould , Mis s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e k it c hen ta b le a nd h ead s fo r h er b ed ro om . B ut b efo re s h e m ak es it o ut th e d oor s h e m utte rs , " D o y o u h ave to r e m in d m e o f th at fa ct e very d ay o f m y lif e ?" I s ta nd u p s tr a ig hte r. T hat's th e fir s t tim e M is s C elia 's e ver g o tte n c ro ss w it h m e. " M m-h m m," I te ll her, n o t e ven lo okin g u p b ecause I w ill r e m in d h er u ntil M is te r J o hnny's s h o ok m y h and a nd s a id n ic e to m eet y o u, M in ny.
But th en I lo ok o ver a nd s e e M is s C elia s till s ta nd in g th ere . S he's h o ld in g o n to th e d oorfr a m e. H er fa ce h as g o ne fla t w hit e , lik e c heap w all p ain t.
"Y ou b een fo olin g w it h th e r a w c hic k en a gain ?" "N o, I 'm . . . ju st tir e d ." But th e p ric k s o f s w eat o n h er m ak eup --th at n o w 's g o ne g ra y--te ll m e s h e's n o t fin e. I h elp h er to bed a nd b rin g h er th e L ad y-a -P in k am to d rin k . T he p in k la b el h as a p ic tu re o f a r e al p ro per la d y o n it w it h a tu rb an o n h er h ead , s m ilin g lik e s h e fe els b ette r. I h and M is s C elia th e s p oon to m easu re it out, b ut th at ta ck y w om an ju st d rin k s it s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle .
Afte rw ard , I w ash m y h and s. W hate ver it is s h e's g o t, I h o pe it a in 't c atc hin g.
TH E D AY A FTER M is s C ELIA 'S fa ce g o es fu nny is c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay a nd th e d ay I hate th e m ost. S heets a re ju st to o p ers o nal a th in g fo r fo lk s w ho a re n't k in to b e fo olin g w it h . T hey are fu ll o f h air a nd s c ab s a nd s n o t a nd th e s ig ns o f je lly -ro llin g. B ut it 's th e b lo od s ta in s th at a re th e wors t. S cru b bin g th o se o ut w it h m y b are h and s, I g ag o ver th e s in k . T hat g o es fo r b lo od a nyw here and a nyth in g w it h a s u sp ic io us r e se m bla nce. A s te p ped -o n s tr a w berry c an h ang m e o ver th e to ile t bow l fo r th e r e st o f th e d ay.
Mis s C elia k no w s a b out T uesd ays a nd u su ally s h e m oves o ut to th e s o fa s o I c an d o m y w ork . A co ld fr o nt s ta rte d in th is m orn in g, s o s h e c an't g o o ut to th e s w im min g p ool, a nd th ey s a y th e weath er's g o in g to g et w ors e . B ut a t n in e, th en te n, th en e le ven th e b ed ro om d oor's s till c lo se d .
Fin ally , I k no ck .
"Y es? " s h e s a ys. I o pen th e d oor.
"M orn in g, M is s C elia ." "H ey, M in ny." "It's T uesd ay." Not o nly is M is s C elia s till in b ed , s h e's c urle d u p o n to p o f th e c o vers in h er n ig htg o w n w it h o ut a dro p o f h er m ak eup o n.
"I g o t to g et th em s h eets w ash ed a nd ir o ned a nd th en I g o t to g et to th is o ld c hif fa ro be y o u d one le t go d ry a s T exas. A nd th en w e c o okin g--" "N o le arn in g le sso n to day, M in ny." S he is n 't s m ilin g e it h er, lik e s h e u su ally d oes w hen s h e s e es m e.
"Y ou fe elin g b ad ?" "F etc h m e s o m e w ate r, w ill y o u?" "Y es'm ." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd fill u p a g la ss fr o m th e s in k . S he m ust b e fe elin g b ad b ecause s h e's never a sk ed m e to s e rv e h er a nyth in g b efo re .
When I w alk b ack in th e b ed ro om th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed a nd th e b ath ro om d oor's c lo se d .
Now w hy'd s h e a sk m e to g o g et h er w ate r if s h e's g o t th e m eans to g et u p a nd g o to th e b ath ro om ?
At le ast s h e's o ut o f m y w ay. I p ic k M is te r J o hnny's p ants u p o ff th e flo or, to ss th em o ver m y sh o uld er. A sk m e, th is w om an d oesn 't ta k e e no ugh e xerc is e , s it tin g a ro und th e h o use a ll d ay. O h no w , M in ny, d on't g o o n th at w ay. I f s h e's s ic k , s h e's s ic k .
"Y ou s ic k ?" I h o lle r o uts id e th e b ath ro om d oor.
"I'm . . . fin e." "W hile y o u in th ere , I 'm o n g o h ead a nd c hange th ese s h eets ." "N o, I w ant y o u to g o o n," s h e s a ys th ro ugh th e d oor. " G o o n h o m e fo r th e d ay, M in ny." I s ta nd th ere a nd ta p m y fo ot o n h er y ello w r u g. I d on't w ant to g o o n h o m e. I t's T uesd ay, c hange- th e-d am n-sh eets d ay. I f I d on't d o it to day, th at m ak es W ed nesd ay c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay to o.
"W hat M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd th e h o use 's a m ess? " "H e's a t th e d eer c am p to nig ht. M in ny, I n eed y o u to b rin g m e th e p ho ne o ver- -" h er v o ic e b re ak s in to a tr e m bly w ail. " D ra g it o n o ver a nd fe tc h m y p ho ne b ook th at's s e ttin g in th e k it c hen." "Y ou s ic k , M is s C elia ?" But s h e d oesn 't a nsw er s o I g o g et th e b ook a nd s tr e tc h th e p ho ne o ver to th e b ath ro om d oor a nd ta p o n it .
"J u st le ave it th ere ." M is s C elia s o und s lik e s h e's c ry in g n o w . " I w ant y o u to g o o n h o m e n o w ." "B ut I ju st g o ts --" "I s a id g o h o m e, M in ny!" I s te p b ack fr o m th at c lo se d d oor. H eat r is e s u p m y fa ce. A nd it s tin gs, n o t b ecause I h aven't b een yelle d a t b efo re . I ju st h aven't b een y elle d a t b y M is s C elia y et.
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, W oody A sa p o n C hannel T w elv e is w avin g h is w hit e s c aly h and s a ll o ver th e s ta te m ap . J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is fr o ze n lik e a n ic e p op. F ir s t it r a in ed , th en it fr o ze , th en anyth in g w it h m ore th an a h alf - in ch e xte nd in g b ro ke o ff to th e g ro und b y th is m orn in g. T re e bra nches, p ow er lin es, p orc h a w nin gs c o lla p se d lik e th ey'd p lu m b g iv en u p . O uts id e's b een d unk ed in a s h in y c le ar b uck et o f s h ella c.
My k id s g lu e th eir s le ep y fa ces to th e r a d io a nd w hen th e b ox s a ys th e r o ad s a re fr o ze n a nd s c ho ol is c lo se d , th ey a ll ju m p a ro und a nd w ho op a nd w his tle a nd r u n o uts id e to lo ok a t th e ic e w it h n o th in g on b ut th eir lo ng jo hns.
"G et b ack in th is h o use a nd p ut s o m e s h o es o n!" I h o lle r o ut th e d oor. N ot o ne o f th em d oes. I c all Mis s C elia to te ll h er I c an't d riv e in th e ic e a nd to fin d o ut if s h e's g o t p ow er o ut th ere . A fte r s h e yelle d a t m e lik e I w as a n ig ger in th e r o ad y este rd ay, y o u'd th in k I w ould n't g iv e a h o ot a b out h er.
When I c all, I h ear, " Y eeello ." My h eart h ic cup s.
"W ho is th is ? W ho 's c allin g h ere ?" Real c are fu l I h ang u p th at p ho ne. I g uess M is te r J o hnny's n o t w ork in g to day e it h er. I d on't k no w ho w h e m ad e it h o m e w it h th e s to rm . A ll I k no w is , e ven o n a d ay o ff, I c an't e sc ap e th e fe ar o f th at man. B ut in e le ven d ays, th at's a ll g o in g to b e o ver.
MOST O f T H E T O W N T H AW S in a d ay. M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed w hen I w alk in . S he's s it tin g a t th e w hit e k it c hen ta b le s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow w it h a n u gly lo ok o n h er fa ce lik e h er p oor fa ncy lif e is ju st to o h o t a h ell to liv e in . I t's th e m im osa tr e e s h e's e yein g o ut th ere . I t to ok th e ic e p re tty h ard .
Half o f th e b ra nches b ro ke o ff a nd a ll th e s p in d ly le aves a re b ro w n a nd s o ggy.
"M orn in g, M in ny," s h e s a ys, n o t e ven lo okin g m y w ay.
But I ju st n o d. I h ave n o th in g to s a y to h er, n o t a fte r th e w ay s h e tr e ate d m e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.
"W e c an fin ally c ut th at o ld u gly th in g d ow n n o w ," s a ys M is s C elia .
"G o a head . C ut e m a ll d ow n." J u st lik e m e, c ut m e d ow n fo r n o r e aso n a t a ll.
Mis s C elia g ets u p a nd c o m es o ver to th e s in k w here I 'm s ta nd in g. S he g ra b s h o ld o f m y a rm . " I'm so rry I h o lle re d a t y o u lik e I d id ." T ears b rim u p in h er e yes w hen s h e s a ys it .
"M m-h m m." "I w as s ic k a nd I k no w th at's n o e xcuse , b ut I w as fe elin g r e al p oor a nd . . ." S he s ta rts s o bbin g th en, lik e th e w ors t th in g s h e's e ver d one in h er lif e is y ell a t h er m aid .
"A lr ig ht," I s a y. " A in 't n o th in g to b oo-h o o o ver." And th en s h e h ugs m e tig ht a ro und th e n eck u ntil I k in d o f p at h er o n th e b ack a nd p eel h er o ff. " G o on, s e t d ow n," I s a y. " I'll fix y o u s o m e c o ffe e." I g uess w e a ll g et a lit tle s n ip py w hen w e'r e n o t fe elin g g o od.
BY T H E N EX T M ONDAY, th e le aves o n th at m im osa tr e e h ave tu rn ed b la ck lik e it b urn ed in ste ad of fr o ze . I c o m e in th e k it c hen r e ad y to te ll h er h o w m any d ays w e h ave le ft, b ut M is s C elia 's s ta rin g at th at tr e e, h atin g it w it h h er e yes th e s a m e w ay s h e h ate s th e s to ve. S he's p ale , w on't e at a nyth in g I put in fr o nt o f h er.
All d ay, in ste ad o f la yin g u p in b ed , s h e w ork s o n d eco ra tin g th e te n-fo ot C hris tm as tr e e in th e fo yer, mak in g m y lif e a v acuum in g h ell w it h a ll th e n eed le s fly in g a ro und . T hen s h e g o es in th e b ack yard , sta rts c lip pin g th e r o se b ush es a nd d ig gin g th e tu lip b ulb s. I 'v e n ever s e en h er m ove th at m uch, e ver.
She c o m es in fo r h er c o okin g le sso n a fte rw ard w it h d ir t u nd er h er n ails b ut s h e's s till n o t s m ilin g.
"S ix m ore d ays b efo re w e te ll M is te r J o hnny," I s a y.
She d oesn 't s a y a nyth in g fo r a w hile , th en h er v o ic e c o m es o ut fla t a s a p an. " A re y o u s u re I h ave to ? I w as th in k in g m ayb e w e c o uld w ait ." I s to p w here I a m , w it h b utte rm ilk d rip pin g o ff m y h and s. " A sk m e h o w s u re I a m a gain ." "A lr ig ht, a lr ig ht." A nd th en s h e g o es o uts id e a gain to ta k e u p h er n ew fa vo rit e p astim e, s ta rin g d ow n th at m im osa tr e e w it h th e a xe in h er h and . B ut s h e n ever ta k es a c ho p.
Wed nesd ay n ig ht a ll I c an th in k is ju st n in ety -six m ore h o urs . K no w in g I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b a fte r Chris tm as g naw s a t m y s to m ach. I 'll h ave a lo t m ore to w orry a b out th an ju st b ein g s h o t d ead . M is s Celia 's s u p pose d to te ll h im o n C hris tm as E ve, a fte r I le ave, b efo re th ey g o o ver to M is te r J o hnny's mam a's h o use . B ut M is s C elia 's a ctin g s o s tr a nge, I w ond er if s h e's g o in g to tr y a nd b ack o ut. N o ma'a m , I s a y to m yse lf a ll d ay. I in te nd to s ta y o n h er lik e h air o n s o ap .
When I w alk in T hurs d ay m orn in g th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t e ven h o m e. I c an't b elie ve s h e's a ctu ally le ft th e h o use . I s it a t th e ta b le a nd p our m yse lf a c up o f c o ffe e.
I lo ok o ut a t th e b ack yard . I t's b rig ht, s u nny. T hat b la ck m im osa tr e e s u re is u gly . I w ond er w hy Mis te r J o hnny d oesn 't ju st g o a head a nd c ut th at th in g d ow n.
I le an in a lit tle c lo se r to th e w in d ow sill. " W ell lo ok a th ere ." D ow n a ro und th e b otto m , s o m e g re en fr o nd s a re s till h angin g o n, p erk in g u p a lit tle in th e s u n.
"T hat o ld tr e e ju st p la yin g p ossu m ." I p ull a p ad o ut o f m y p ock etb ook w here I k eep a lis t o f w hat n eed s to b e te nd ed to , n o t fo r M is s Celia , b ut m y o w n g ro cerie s, C hris tm as p re se nts , th in gs fo r m y k id s. B enny's a sth m a h as g o tte n a lit tle b ette r b ut L ero y c am e h o m e la st n ig ht s m ellin g lik e O ld C ro w a gain . H e p ush ed m e h ard a nd I bum ped m y th ig h o n th e k it c hen ta b le . H e c o m es h o m e lik e th at to nig ht, I 'll fix h im a k nuck le sa nd w ic h fo r s u p per.
I s ig h. S eventy -tw o m ore h o urs a nd I 'm a fr e e w om an. M ayb e fir e d , m ayb e d ead a fte r L ero y fin d s out, b ut fr e e.
I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e w eek . T om orro w 's h eavy c o okin g a nd I 'v e g o t th e c hurc h s u p per Satu rd ay n ig ht a nd th e s e rv ic e o n S und ay. W hen a m I g o in g to c le an m y o w n h o use ? W ash m y o w n kid s' c lo th es? M y o ld est g ir l, S ugar, is s ix te en a nd p re tty g o od a b out k eep in g th in gs n eat, b ut I lik e to h elp h er o ut o n th e w eek end s th e w ay m y m am a n ever h elp ed m e. A nd A ib ile en. S he c alle d m e again la st n ig ht, a sk ed if I 'd h elp h er a nd M is s S keete r w it h th e s to rie s. I lo ve A ib ile en, I d o. B ut I th in k s h e's m ak in g a k in g-siz e d m is ta k e tr u stin g a w hit e la d y. A nd I to ld h er, to o. S he's r is k in g h er jo b, h er s a fe ty . N ot to m entio n w hy a nyo ne w ould w ant to h elp a fr ie nd o f M is s H illy 's .
Lord , I b ette r g et o n w it h m y w ork .
I p in eap ple th e h am a nd g et it in th e o ven. T hen I d ust th e s h elv es in th e h untin g r o om , v acuum th e bear w hile h e s ta re s a t m e lik e I 'm a s n ack . " J u st y o u a nd m e to day," I te ll h im . A s u su al h e d oesn 't sa y m uch. I g et m y r a g a nd m y o il s o ap , w ork m y w ay u p th e s ta ir c ase , p olis h in g e ach s p oke o n th e banis te r a s I g o . W hen I m ak e it to th e to p, I h ead in to b ed ro om n um ber o ne.
I c le an u p sta ir s fo r a b out a n h o ur. I t's c hilly u p h ere , n o b odie s to w arm it u p . I w ork m y a rm b ack and fo rth , b ack a nd fo rth a cro ss e very th in g w ood. B etw een th e s e co nd a nd th ir d b ed ro om s, I g o dow nsta ir s to M is s C elia 's r o om b efo re s h e c o m es b ack . I g et th at e erie p ric k le , o f b ein g in a h o use s o e m pty . W here 'd s h e g o ? A fte r w ork in g h ere a ll th is tim e a nd h er o nly le avin g th re e tim es a nd a lw ays te llin g m e w hen a nd w here a nd w hy s h e's le avin g, lik e I c are a nyw ay, n o w s h e's g o ne lik e th e w in d . I o ught to b e h ap py. I o ught to b e g la d th at fo ol's out o f m y h air . B ut b ein g h ere b y m yse lf , I fe el lik e a n in tr u d er. I lo ok d ow n a t th e lit tle p in k r u g th at co vers th e b lo odsta in b y th e b ath ro om . T oday I w as g o in g to ta k e a no th er c ra ck a t it . A c hill b lo w s th ro ugh th e r o om , lik e a g ho st p assin g b y. I s h iv er.
Mayb e I w on't w ork o n th at b lo odsta in to day.
On th e b ed th e c o vers , a s u su al, h ave b een th ro w n o ff. T he s h eets a re tw is te d a nd tu rn ed a ro und th e wro ng w ay. I t a lw ays lo oks lik e a w re stlin g m atc h h as g o ne o n in h ere . I s to p m yse lf fr o m wond erin g. Y ou s ta rt to w ond er a b out p eo ple in th e b ed ro om , b efo re y o u k no w it y o u'r e a ll wra p ped u p in th eir b usin ess.
I s tr ip o ff o ne o f th e p illo w case s. M is s C elia 's m asc ara s m ud ged lit tle c harc o al b utte rflie s a ll o ver it .
The c lo th es o n th e flo or I s tu ff in to th e p illo w case to m ak e it e asie r to c arry . I p ic k u p M is te r Jo hnny's fo ld ed p ants o ff th e y ello w o tto m an.
"N ow h o w 'm I s p ose d to k no w if th ese is c le an o r d ir ty ?" I s tic k th em in th e s a ck a nyw ay. M y motto o n h o use k eep in g: w hen in d oub t, w ash it o ut.
I to te th e b ag o ver to th e b ure au. T he b ru is e o n m y th ig h b urn s w hen I b end d ow n to p ic k u p a p air of M is s C elia 's s ilk y s to ck in gs.
"W ho a re yo u ?" I d ro p th e s a ck .
Slo w ly , I b ack a w ay u ntil m y b otto m b um ps th e b ure au. H e's s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay, e yes narro w ed . R eal s lo w , I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe h angin g fr o m h is h and .
Oh L ord .
I c an't g et to th e b ath ro om b ecause h e's to o c lo se a nd h e'd g et in th ere w it h m e. I c an't mak e it p ast h im o ut th e d oor u nle ss I p um mel h im , a nd th e m an h as a n a xe. M y h ead th ro bs h o t I 'm so p anic k ed . I 'm co rn ere d .
Mis te r J o hnny s ta re s d ow n a t m e. H e s w in gs th e a xe a lit tle . T ilt s h is h ead a nd s m ile s.
I d o th e o nly th in g I c an d o. I w rin k le m y fa ce a s m ean a s I c an a nd p ull m y lip s a cro ss m y te eth a nd yell:
"Yo u a nd y o ur a xe b ette r g et o ut a m y w ay." Mis te r J o hnny lo oks d ow n a t th e a xe, lik e h e fo rg o t h e h ad it . T hen b ack u p a t m e. W e s ta re a t e ach oth er a s e co nd . I d on't m ove a nd I d on't b re ath e.
He s n eak s a lo ok o ver a t th e s a ck I 'v e d ro pped to s e e w hat I w as s te alin g. T he le g o f h is k hak is is pokin g o ut th e to p. " N ow , lis te n," I s a y, a nd te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes. " M is te r J o hnny, I to ld M is s Celia to te ll y o u a b out m e. I m ust a a sk ed h er a th o usa nd tim es--" But h e ju st la ughs. H e s h ak es h is h ead . H e th in k s it 's fu nny h e's a b out to c ho p m e u p . " Ju st lis te n t o m e, I to ld h er- -" But h e's s till c huck lin g. " C alm d ow n, g ir l. I 'm n o t g o in g to g et y o u," h e s a ys. " Y ou s u rp ris e d m e, th at's a ll. " I'm p antin g, e asin g m y w ay to w ard th e b ath ro om . H e s till h as th e a xe in h is h and , s w in gin g it a lit tle .
"W hat's y o ur n am e, a nyw ay?" "M in ny," I w his p er. I 'v e s till g o t fiv e fe et to g o .
"H ow lo ng h ave y o u b een c o m in g, M in ny?" "N ot lo ng." I jig gle m y h ead n o .
" How lo ng?" "F ew . . . w eek s," I s a y. I b it e d ow n o n m y lip .
Thre e m onth s.
He s h ak es h is h ead . " N ow , I k no w it 's b een lo nger th an th at." I lo ok a t th e b ath ro om d oor. W hat g o od w ould it d o to b e in a b ath ro om w here th e d oor w on't e ven lo ck ? W hen th e m an's g o t a n a xe to h ack th e d oor d ow n w it h ?
"I s w ear I 'm n o t m ad ," h e s a ys.
"W hat a b out th at a xe?" I s a y, m y te eth g rit te d .
He r o lls h is e yes, th en h e s e ts it o n th e c arp et, k ic k s it to th e s id e.
"C om e o n, le t's g o h ave u s a ta lk in th e k it c hen." He tu rn s a nd w alk s a w ay. I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe, w ond erin g if I s h o uld ta k e it . J u st th e s ig ht o f it sc are s m e. I p ush it u nd er th e b ed a nd fo llo w h im .
In th e k it c hen, I e d ge m yse lf c lo se to th e b ack d oor, c heck th e k no b to m ak e s u re it 's u nlo ck ed .
"M in ny, I p ro m is e . I t's fin e th at y o u'r e h ere ," h e s a ys.
I w atc h h is e yes, tr y in g to s e e if h e's ly in g. H e's a b ig m an, s ix -tw o a t le ast. A lit tle p aunch in th e fr o nt, b ut s tr o ng lo okin g. " I r e ck on y o u g o ne fir e m e, th en." "F ir e y o u?" H e la ughs. " Y ou'r e th e b est c o ok I 'v e e ver k no w n. L ook w hat y o u'v e d one to m e." H e fr o w ns d ow n a t h is s to m ach th at's ju st s ta rtin g to p oke o ut. " H ell, I h aven't e ate n lik e th is s in ce C ora Blu e w as a ro und . S he p ra ctic ally r a is e d m e." I ta k e a d eep b re ath b ecause h is k no w in g C ora B lu e s e em s to s a fe n th in gs u p a lit tle . " H er k id s w ent to m y c hurc h. I k new h er." "I s u re d o m is s h er." H e tu rn s, o pens th e r e fr ig era to r, s ta re s in , c lo se s it .
"W hen's C elia c o m in g b ack ? Y ou k no w ?" M is te r J o hnny a sk s.
"I d on't k no w . I s p ec s h e w ent to g et h er h air d one." "I th o ught fo r a w hile th ere , w hen w e w ere e atin g y o ur fo od, s h e r e ally d id le arn h o w to c o ok. U ntil th at S atu rd ay, w hen y o u w ere n't h ere , a nd s h e tr ie d to m ak e h am burg ers ." He le ans a gain st th e s in k b oard , s ig hs. " W hy d oesn 't s h e w ant m e to k no w a b out y o u?" "I d on't k no w . S he w on't te ll m e." He s h ak es h is h ead , lo oks u p a t th e b la ck m ark o n th e c eilin g fr o m w here M is s C elia b urn ed u p th e tu rk ey th at tim e. " M in ny, I d on't c are if C elia n ever lif ts a no th er fin ger fo r th e r e st o f h er lif e . B ut s h e sa ys s h e w ants to d o th in gs fo r m e h ers e lf ." H e r a is e s h is e yeb ro w s a lit tle . " I m ean, d o y o u und ers ta nd w hat I w as e atin g b efo re y o u g o t h ere ?" "S he le arn in g. L east s h e . . . tr y in g to le arn ," b ut I k in d o f s n o rt a t th is . S om e th in gs y o u ju st c an't lie ab out.
"I d on't ca re if s h e c an c o ok. I ju st w ant h er h ere "- -h e s h ru gs--"w it h m e." He r u b s h is b ro w w it h h is w hit e s h ir ts le eve a nd I s e e w hy h is s h ir ts a re a lw ays s o d ir ty . A nd h e is so rt o f h and so m e. F or a w hit e m an.
"S he ju st d oesn 't s e em h ap py," h e s a ys. " Is it m e? I s it th e h o use ? A re w e to o fa r a w ay fr o m to w n?" "I d on't k no w , M is te r J o hnny." "T hen w hat's g o in g o n?" H e p ro ps h is h and s d ow n o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h im , g ra b s h o ld . " J u st te ll me. I s s h e"- -h e s w allo w s h ard --"is s h e s e ein g s o m eb ody e ls e ?" I tr y n o t to , b ut I fe el k in d o f s o rry fo r h im th en, s e ein g h e's ju st a s c o nfu se d a s I a m a b out a ll th is mess.
"M is te r J o hnny, th is a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess. B ut I c an te ll y o u M is s C elia a in 't h avin g n o r e la tio ns outs id e a th is h o use ." He n o ds. " Y ou'r e r ig ht. T hat w as a s tu p id th in g to a sk ." I e ye th e d oor, w ond erin g w hen M is s C elia 's g o in g to b e h o m e. I d on't k no w w hat s h e'd d o if s h e fo und M is te r J o hnny h ere .
"L ook," h e s a ys, " d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out m eetin g m e. I 'm g o in g to le t h er te ll m e w hen s h e's re ad y." I m anage m y fir s t r e al s m ile . " S o y o u w ant m e to ju st g o o n lik e I b een d oin g?" "L ook a fte r h er. I d on't lik e h er in th is b ig h o use b y h ers e lf ." "Y essu h. W hate ver y o u s a y." "I c am e b y to day to s u rp ris e h er. I w as g o in g to c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e s h e h ate s s o m uch, th en ta k e h er in to to w n fo r lu nch. P ic k o ut s o m e je w elr y fo r h er C hris tm as p re se nt." M is te r J o hnny w alk s to th e w in d ow , lo oks o ut, a nd s ig hs. " I g uess I 'll g o g et lu nch in to w n s o m ew here ." "I fix y o u s o m eth in g. W hat y o u w ant? " He tu rn s a ro und , g rin nin g lik e a k id . I s ta rt g o in g th ro ugh th e r e fr ig era to r, p ullin g th in gs o ut.
"R em em ber th o se p ork c ho ps w e h ad th at tim e?" H e s ta rts n ib blin g o n h is fin gern ail. " W ill y o u m ak e th o se fo r u s th is w eek ?" "I fix e m fo r s u p per to nig ht. G ot s o m e in th e fr e eze r. A nd to m orro w n ig ht y o u h avin g c hic k en a nd dum plin gs." "O h, C ora B lu e u se d to m ak e u s th o se ." "S it u p th ere a t th e ta b le a nd I 'm o n d o y o u a g o od B LT to ta k e w it h y o u in th e tr u ck ." "A nd w ill y o u to ast th e b re ad ?" "A c o urs e . C an't h ave n o p ro per s a nd w ic h o n n o r a w b re ad . A nd th is a fte rn o on I 'll m ak e o ne a Min ny's fa m ous c ara m el c ak es. A nd n ext w eek w e g o ne d o y o u a fr ie d c atfis h . . ." I p ull o ut th e b aco n fo r M is te r J o hnny's lu nch, g et th e s k ille t o ut to fr y . M is te r J o hnny's e yes a re cle ar a nd w id e. H e's s m ilin g w it h e very p art o f h is fa ce. I fix h is s a nd w ic h a nd w ra p it in w axed pap er. F in ally , s o m eb ody I g et th e s a tis fa ctio n o f fe ed in g.
"M in ny, I h ave to a sk , if yo u'r e h ere . . . w hat in th e w orld is C elia d oin g a ll d ay?" I s h ru g. " I a in 't n ever s e en a w hit e w om an s it th ere lik e s h e d o. M ost o f e m is b usy -b usy, r u nnin g erra nd s, a ctin g lik e th ey b usie r th an m e." "S he n eed s s o m e fr ie nd s. I a sk ed m y b ud dy W ill if h e'd g et h is w if e to c o m e o ut a nd te ach h er to pla y b rid ge, g et h er in a g ro up . I k no w H illy 's th e r in gle ad er o f a ll th at s tu ff." I s ta re a t h im , lik e if I k ep t r e al s till, m ayb e it w ould n't b e tr u e. F in ally I a sk , " T hat M is s H illy Holb ro ok y o u ta lk in g a b out? " "Y ou k no w h er? " h e a sk s.
"M m-h m m." I s w allo w th e tir e ir o n th at's r is in g u p in m y th ro at a t th e th o ught o f M is s H illy h angin g aro und th is h o use . M is s C elia fin d in g o ut th e tr u th a b out th e T errib le A w fu l. T here 's n o w ay th o se tw o c o uld b e fr ie nd s. B ut I b et M is s H illy w ould d o a nyth in g fo r M is te r J o hnny.
"I'll c all W ill to nig ht a nd a sk h im a gain ." H e p ats m e o n m y s h o uld er a nd I fin d m yse lf th in k in g a b out th at w ord a gain , tr u th .
A nd A ib ile en's te llin g M is s S keete r a ll a b out it . I f th e tr u th g ets o ut o n m e, I'm d one. I c ro sse d th e w ro ng p ers o n, a nd th at's a ll it ta k es. "I'm g o in g to g iv e y o u m y n um ber a t th e o ffic e. C all m e if y o u e ver r u n in to tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "Y essu h," I s a y, fe elin g m y d re ad e ra se a ny r e lie f I h ad c o m in g to m e to day.
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 1 I T 'S T EC HN IC ALLY W IN TER in m ost o f th e n atio n, b ut a lr e ad y th ere is g nash in g o f te eth a nd w rin gin g o f h and s in m y m oth er's h o use . S ig ns o f s p rin g h ave c o m e to o e arly . D ad dy's in a c o tto n- p la ntin g fr e nzy, h ad to h ir e te n e xtr a fie ld w ork ers to till a nd d riv e tr a cto rs to g et th e s e ed in th e g ro und . M oth er's b een s tu d yin g The F arm er's A lm anac , b ut s h e's h ard ly c o ncern ed w it h p la ntin g.
S he d eliv ers th e b ad n ew s to m e w it h a h and o n h er fo re head .
" T hey s a y th is 'll b e th e m ost h um id o ne in y ears ." S he s ig hs. T he S hin ala to r n ever d id m uch g o od a fte r th o se fir s t fe w tim es. " I'd p ic k u p s o m e m ore s p ra y c ans d ow n a t B eem on's , th e n ew e xtr a - h eavy k in d ." S he lo oks u p fr o m th e Alm anac , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " W hat a re y o u d re sse d th at w ay fo r? " I h ave o n m y d ark est d re ss, d ark s to ck in gs. T he b la ck s c arf o ver m y h air p ro bab ly m ak es m e lo ok m ore lik e P ete r O 'T oole in Law re n ce o f A ra bia th an M arle ne D ie tr ic h. T he u gly r e d s a tc hel h angs f r o m m y s h o uld er.
" I h ave s o m e e rra nd s to r u n to nig ht. T hen I 'm m eetin g... s o m e g ir ls . A t c hurc h." " O n a S atu rd ay n ig ht? " " M am a, G od d oesn 't c are w hat d ay o f th e w eek it is ," I s a y a nd m ak e fo r th e c ar b efo re s h e c an a sk a ny m ore q uestio ns. T onig ht, I 'm g o in g to A ib ile en's fo r h er fir s t in te rv ie w .
M y h eart r a cin g, I d riv e fa st o n th e p aved to w n r o ad s, h ead in g fo r th e c o lo re d p art o f to w n. I 'v e n ever e ven s a t a t th e s a m e ta b le w it h a N egro w ho w asn 't p aid to d o s o . T he in te rv ie w h as b een d ela yed b y o ver a m onth . F ir s t, th e h o lid ays c am e a nd A ib ile en h ad to w ork la te a lm ost e very n ig ht, w ra p pin g p re se nts a nd c o okin g fo r E liz a b eth 's C hris tm as p arty . I n J a nuary , I s ta rte d to p anic w hen A ib ile en g o t th e flu . I 'm a fr a id I 'v e w ait e d s o lo ng, M is su s S te in w ill h ave lo st in te re st o r fo rg o tte n w hy s h e e ven a gre ed to r e ad it .
I d riv e th e C ad illa c th ro ugh th e d ark ness, tu rn in g o n G essu m A venue, A ib ile en's S tr e et. I 'd r a th er b e i n th e o ld tr u ck , b ut M oth er w ould 'v e b een to o s u sp ic io us a nd D ad dy w as u sin g it in th e fie ld s. I s to p in fr o nt o f a n a b and oned , h aunte d -lo okin g h o use th re e d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's , a s w e p la nned .
T he fr o nt p orc h o f th e s p ooky h o use is s a ggin g, th e w in d ow s h ave n o p anes. I s te p in to th e d ark , l o ck th e d oors a nd w alk q uic k ly . I k eep m y h ead lo w ere d , m y n o is y h eels c lic k in g o n th e p avem ent.
A d og b ark s a nd m y k eys ja ngle to th e p avem ent. I g lim pse a ro und , p ic k th em u p . T w o s e ts o f c o lo re d p eo ple s it o n p orc hes, w atc hin g, r o ck in g. T here a re n o s tr e etlig hts s o it 's h ard to s a y w ho e ls e s e es m e. I k eep w alk in g, fe elin g a s o bvio us a s m y v ehic le : la rg e a nd w hit e .
I r e ach n um ber tw enty -fiv e, A ib ile en's h o use . I g iv e o ne la st lo ok a ro und , w is h in g I w asn 't te n m in ute s e arly . T he c o lo re d p art o f to w n s e em s s o fa r a w ay w hen, e vid ently , it 's o nly a fe w m ile s f r o m th e w hit e p art o f to w n.
I k no ck s o ftly . T here a re fo ots te p s, a nd s o m eth in g in sid e s la m s c lo se d . A ib ile en o pens th e d oor.
" C om e o n in ," s h e w his p ers a nd q uic k ly s h uts it b ehin d m e a nd lo ck s it . I'v e n ever s e en A ib ile en in a nyth in g b ut h er w hit e s. T onig ht s h e h as o n a g re en d re ss w it h b la ck pip in g. I c an't h elp b ut n o tic e, s h e s ta nd s a lit tle ta lle r in h er o w n h o use .
"M ak e y o urs e lf c o m fo rta b le . I b e b ack r e al q uic k ." Even w it h th e s in gle la m p o n, th e fr o nt r o om is d ark , fu ll o f b ro w ns a nd s h ad ow s. T he c urta in s a re pulle d a nd p in ned to geth er s o th ere 's n o g ap . I d on't k no w if th ey'r e lik e th at a ll th e tim e, o r ju st fo r me. I lo w er m yse lf o nto th e n arro w s o fa . T here 's a w ooden c o ffe e ta b le w it h h and -ta tte d la ce dra p ed o ver th e to p. T he flo ors a re b are . I w is h I h ad n't w orn s u ch a n e xp ensiv e-lo okin g d re ss.
A fe w m in ute s la te r, A ib ile en c o m es b ack w it h a tr a y h o ld in g a te ap ot a nd tw o c up s th at d on't matc h, p ap er n ap kin s fo ld ed in to tr ia ngle s. I s m ell th e c in nam on c o okie s s h e's m ad e. A s s h e p ours th e te a, th e to p to th e p ot r a ttle s.
"S orry ," s h e s a ys a nd h o ld s th e to p d ow n. " I a in 't n ever h ad a w hit e p ers o n in m y h o use b efo re ." I s m ile , e ven th o ugh I k no w it w asn 't m eant to b e fu nny. I d rin k a s ip o f te a. I t is b it te r a nd s tr o ng.
"T hank y o u," I s a y. " T he te a is n ic e." She s it s a nd fo ld s h er h and s in h er la p , lo oks a t m e e xp ecta ntly .
"I th o ught w e'd d o a lit tle b ack gro und w ork a nd th en ju st ju m p r ig ht in w it h th e q uestio ns," I s a y. I pull o ut m y n o te b ook a nd s c an th e q uestio ns I 'v e p re p are d . T hey s u d denly s e em o bvio us, a m ate ur.
"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. S he is s it tin g u p v ery s tr a ig ht, o n th e s o fa , tu rn ed to w ard m e.
"W ell, to s ta rt, u m , w hen a nd w here w ere y o u b orn ?" She s w allo w s, n o ds. " N in ete en o -n in e. P ie d m ont P la nta tio n d ow n in C hero kee C ounty ." "D id y o u k no w w hen y o u w ere a g ir l, g ro w in g u p , th at o ne d ay y o u'd b e a m aid ?" "Y es m a'a m . Y es, I d id ." I s m ile , w ait fo r h er to e lu cid ate . T here is n o th in g.
"A nd y o u k new th at . . . b ecause . . . ? " "M am a w as a m aid . M y g ra nm am a w as a h o use s la ve." "A h o use s la ve. U h-h uh," I s a y, b ut s h e o nly n o ds. H er h and s s ta y fo ld ed in h er la p . S he's w atc hin g th e w ord s I 'm w rit in g o n th e p age.
"D id y o u . . . e ver h ave d re am s o f b ein g s o m eth in g e ls e ?" "N o," s h e s a ys. " N o m a'a m , I d id n't ." I t's s o q uie t, I c an h ear b oth o f u s b re ath in g.
"A lr ig ht. T hen . . . w hat d oes it fe el lik e, to r a is e a w hit e c hild w hen y o ur o w n c hild 's a t h o m e, b ein g . . ." I s w allo w , e m barra sse d b y th e q uestio n, " . . . lo oked a fte r b y s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "It fe el . . ." S he's s till s it tin g u p s o s tr a ig ht it lo oks p ain fu l. " U m, m ayb e . . . w e c o uld g o o n to th e next o ne." "O h. A lr ig ht." I s ta re a t m y q uestio ns. " W hat d o y o u lik e b est a b out b ein g a m aid a nd w hat d o y o u lik e le ast? " She lo oks u p a t m e, lik e I 'v e a sk ed h er to d efin e a d ir ty w ord .
"I- -I s p ec I lik e lo okin g a fte r th e k id s b est," s h e w his p ers .
"A nyth in g . . . y o u'd lik e to a d d . . . a b out th at? " "N o m a'a m ." "A ib ile en, y o u d on't h ave to c all m e 'm a'a m .' N ot h ere ." "Y es m a'a m . O h. S orry ." S he c o vers h er m outh .
Loud v o ic es s h o ut in th e s tr e et a nd b oth o ur e yes d art to w ard th e w in d ow . W e a re q uie t, s to ck -still.
What w ould h ap pen if s o m eo ne w hit e fo und o ut I w as h ere o n a S atu rd ay n ig ht ta lk in g to A ib ile en in her r e gula r c lo th es? W ould th ey c all th e p olic e, to r e p ort a s u sp ic io us m eetin g? I 'm s u d denly s u re th ey w ould . W e'd b e a rre ste d b ecause th at is w hat th ey d o. T hey'd c harg e u s w it h in te gra tio n vio la tio n--I r e ad a b out it in th e p ap er a ll th e tim e--th ey d esp is e th e w hit e s th at m eet w it h th e co lo re d s to h elp w it h th e c iv il r ig hts m ovem ent. T his h as n o th in g to d o w it h in te gra tio n, b ut w hy e ls e would w e b e m eetin g? I d id n't e ven b rin g a ny M is s M yrn a le tte rs a s b ack up .
I s e e o pen, h o nest fe ar o n A ib ile en's fa ce. S lo w ly th e v o ic es o uts id e d is sip ate d ow n th e r o ad . I exhale b ut A ib ile en s ta ys te nse . S he k eep s h er e yes o n th e c urta in s.
I lo ok d ow n a t m y lis t o f q uestio ns, s e arc hin g fo r s o m eth in g to d ra w th is n erv o usn ess o ut o f h er, o ut of m yse lf . I k eep th in k in g a b out h o w m uch tim e I 'v e lo st a lr e ad y.
"A nd w hat . . . d id y o u s a y y o u d is lik ed a b out y o ur jo b?" Aib ile en s w allo w s h ard .
"I m ean, d o y o u w ant to ta lk a b out th e b ath ro om ? O r a b out E liz --M is s L eefo lt ? A nyth in g a b out th e way s h e p ays y o u? H as s h e e ver y elle d a t y o u in fr o nt o f M ae M oble y?" Aib ile en ta k es a n ap kin a nd d ab s it to h er fo re head . S he s ta rts to s p eak , b ut s to ps h ers e lf .
"W e'v e ta lk ed p le nty o f tim es, A ib ile en . . ." She p uts h er h and to h er m outh . " I'm s o rry , I - -" S he g ets u p a nd w alk s q uic k ly d ow n th e n arro w hall. A d oor c lo se s, r a ttlin g th e te ap ot a nd th e c up s o n th e tr a y.
Fiv e m in ute s p ass. W hen s h e c o m es b ack , s h e h o ld s a to w el to h er fr o nt, th e w ay I 'v e s e en M oth er do a fte r s h e v o m it s , w hen s h e d oesn 't m ak e it to h er to ile t in tim e.
"I'm s o rry . I th o ught I w as . . . r e ad y to ta lk ." I n o d, n o t s u re w hat to d o.
"I ju st . . . I k no w y o u a lr e ad y to ld th at la d y in N ew Y ork I 's g o ne d o th is b ut . . ." S he c lo se s h er eyes. " I'm s o rry . I d on't th in k I c an. I th in k I n eed to la y d ow n." "T om orro w n ig ht. I 'll . . . c o m e u p w it h a b ette r w ay. L et's ju st tr y a gain a nd . . ." She s h ak es h er h ead , c lu tc hes h er to w el.
On m y d riv e h o m e, I w ant to k ic k m yse lf . F or th in k in g I c o uld ju st w alt z in a nd d em and a nsw ers .
For th in k in g s h e'd s to p fe elin g lik e th e m aid ju st b ecause w e w ere a t h er h o use , b ecause s h e w asn 't wearin g a u nif o rm .
I lo ok o ver a t m y n o te b ook o n th e w hit e le ath er s e at. B esid es w here s h e g re w u p , I 'v e g o tte n a to ta l of tw elv e w ord s. A nd fo ur o f th em a re yes m a'a m a nd no m a'a m .
PA TSY C LIN E'S V O IC E D RIF TS o ut o f W JD X r a d io . A s I d riv e d ow n th e C ounty R oad , th ey'r e pla yin g " W alk in g A fte r M id nig ht." W hen I p ull in to H illy 's d riv ew ay, th ey'r e o n " T hre e C ig are tte s in an A sh tr a y." H er p la ne c ra sh ed th is m orn in g a nd e very o ne fr o m N ew Y ork to M is sis sip pi to S eattle is in m ourn in g, s in gin g h er s o ngs. I p ark th e C ad illa c a nd s ta re o ut a t H illy 's r a m blin g w hit e h o use .
It's b een fo ur d ays s in ce A ib ile en v o m it e d in th e m id dle o f o ur in te rv ie w a nd I 'v e h eard n o th in g fr o m her.
I g o in sid e. T he b rid ge ta b le is s e t u p in H illy 's a nte b ellu m -sty le p arlo r w it h it s d eafe nin g g ra nd fa th er clo ck a nd g o ld s w ag c urta in s. E very o ne is s e ate d --H illy , E liz a b eth , a nd L ou A nne T em ple to n, w ho has r e p la ced M is su s W alt e rs . L ou A nne is o ne o f th o se g ir ls w ho w ears a b ig e ager s m ile -- all th e tim e, a nd it n ever s to ps. I t m ak es m e w ant to s tic k a s tr a ig ht p in in h er. A nd w hen y o u'r e n o t lo okin g, s h e s ta re s a t y o u w it h th at v ap id , to oth y s m ile . A nd s h e a gre es w it h e very s in gle lit tle th in g Hilly s a ys.
Hilly h o ld s u p a Lif e m agazin e, p oin ts to a s p re ad o f a h o use in C alif o rn ia . " A d en th ey'r e c allin g it , lik e w ild a nim als a re liv in g th ere ." "O h, is n 't th at d re ad fu l! " L ou A nne b eam s.
The p ic tu re s h o w s w all- to -w all s h ag c arp et a nd lo w , s tr e am lin ed s o fa s, e gg-sh ap ed c hair s a nd te le vis io ns th at lo ok lik e fly in g s a ucers . I n H illy 's p arlo r, a p ortr a it o f a C onfe d era te g enera l h angs eig ht fe et ta ll. I t is a s p ro m in ent a s if h e w ere a g ra nd fa th er a nd n o t a th ir d c o usin r e m oved .
"T hat's it . T ru d y's h o use lo oks ju st lik e th at," E liz a b eth s a ys. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in th e in te rv ie w w it h A ib ile en, I 'd a lm ost fo rg o tte n E liz a b eth 's tr ip la st w eek to s e e h er o ld er s is te r. T ru d y marrie d a b ank er a nd th ey m oved to H olly w ood. E liz a b eth w ent o ut th ere fo r fo ur d ays to s e e h er new h o use .
"W ell, th at's ju st b ad ta ste , is w hat it is ," H illy s a ys. " N o o ffe nse to y o ur fa m ily , E liz a b eth ." "W hat w as H olly w ood lik e?" L ou A nne a sk s.
"O h, it w as lik e a d re am . A nd T ru d y's h o use --T .V . s e ts in e very r o om . T hat s a m e c ra zy s p ace-a ge fu rn it u re y o u c o uld h ard ly e ven s it in . W e w ent to a ll th ese fa ncy r e sta ura nts , w here th e m ovie s ta rs eat, a nd d ra nk m artin is a nd b urg und y w in e. A nd o ne n ig ht M ax F acto r h im se lf c am e o ver to th e ta b le , s p oke to T ru d y lik e th ey'r e ju st o ld fr ie nd s"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead --"lik e th ey w ere ju st p assin g by in th e g ro cery s to re ." E liz a b eth s ig hs.
"W ell, if y o u a sk m e, y o u'r e s till th e p re ttie st in th e fa m ily ," H illy s a ys. " N ot th at T ru d y's u nattr a ctiv e, but y o u'r e th e o ne w it h th e p ois e a nd th e r e al s ty le ." Eliz a b eth s m ile s a t th is , b ut th en d rif ts b ack to fr o w nin g. " N ot to m entio n s h e h as liv e-in h elp , e very day, e very hour.
I h ard ly h ad to s e e M ae M oble y a t a ll. " I c rin ge a t th is c o m ment, b ut n o o ne e ls e s e em s to n o tic e. H illy 's w atc hin g h er m aid , Y ule M ay, r e fill our te a g la sse s. S he's ta ll, s le nd er, a lm ost r e gal- lo okin g a nd h as a m uch b ette r fig ure th an H illy .
Seein g h er m ak es m e w orry a b out A ib ile en. I 'v e c alle d A ib ile en's h o use tw ic e th is w eek , b ut th ere wasn 't a ny a nsw er. I 'm s u re s h e's a vo id in g m e. I g uess I 'll h ave to g o to E liz a b eth 's h o use to ta lk to her w heth er E liz a b eth lik es it o r n o t.
"I w as th in k in g n ext y ear w e m ig ht d o a Gone W it h t h e W in d th em e fo r th e B enefit ," H illy s a ys, "m ayb e r e nt th e o ld F air v ie w M ansio n?" "W hat a g re at id ea!" L ou A nne s a ys.
"O h S keete r," H illy s a ys, " I k no w y o u ju st h ate d m is sin g it th is y ear." I n o d, g iv e a p it if u l fr o w n. I 'd pre te nd ed to h ave th e flu to a vo id g o in g a lo ne.
"I'll te ll y o u o ne th in g," H illy s a ys, " I w on't b e h ir in g th at r o ck -a nd -ro ll b and a gain , p la yin g a ll th at fa st dance m usic . . ." Eliz a b eth ta p s m y a rm . S he h as h er h and bag in h er la p . " I a lm ost fo rg o t to g iv e th is to y o u. F ro m Aib ile en, fo r th e M is s M yrn a th in g? I to ld h er th o ugh, y 'a ll c anno t p ow wow o n th is to day, n o t a fte r all th at tim e s h e m is se d in J a nuary ." I o pen th e fo ld ed p ie ce o f p ap er. T he w ord s a re in b lu e in k , in a lo vely c urs iv e h and .
I k now h ow t o m ake t h e t e a pot s to p r a ttlin g.
"A nd w ho in th e w orld c are s a b out h o w to m ak e a te ap ot n o t r a ttle ?" E liz a b eth s a ys. B ecause o f co urs e s h e r e ad it .
It ta k es m e tw o s e co nd s a nd a d rin k o f ic ed te a to u nd ers ta nd . " Y ou w ould n't b elie ve h o w h ard it is ," I te ll h er.
TW O D AY S L ATER , I s it in m y p are nts ' k it c hen, w ait in g fo r d usk to fa ll. I g iv e in a nd lig ht a no th er cig are tte e ven th o ugh la st n ig ht th e s u rg eo n g enera l c am e o n th e te le vis io n s e t a nd s h o ok h is fin ger a t every b ody, tr y in g to c o nvin ce u s th at s m okin g w ill k ill u s. B ut M oth er o nce to ld m e to ngue k is sin g would tu rn m e b lin d a nd I 'm s ta rtin g to th in k it 's a ll ju st a b ig p lo t b etw een th e s u rg eo n g enera l a nd Moth er to m ak e s u re n o o ne e ver h as a ny fu n.
At e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at s a m e n ig ht, I 'm s tu m blin g d ow n A ib ile en's s tr e et a s d is c re etly a s o ne c an carry in g a fif ty -p ound C oro na ty p ew rit e r. I k no ck s o ftly , a lr e ad y d yin g fo r a no th er c ig are tte to c alm my n erv es. A ib ile en a nsw ers a nd I s lip in sid e. S he's w earin g th e s a m e g re en d re ss a nd s tif f b la ck sh o es a s la st tim e.
I tr y to s m ile , lik e I 'm c o nfid ent it w ill w ork th is tim e, d esp it e th e id ea s h e e xp la in ed o ver th e p ho ne.
"C ould w e . . . s it in th e k it c hen th is tim e?" I a sk . " W ould y o u m in d ?" "A lr ig ht. A in 't n o th in g to lo ok a t, b ut c o m e o n b ack ." The k it c hen is a b out h alf th e s iz e o f th e liv in g r o om , a nd w arm er. I t s m ells lik e te a a nd le m ons. T he bla ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um flo or h as b een s c ru b bed th in . T here 's ju st e no ugh c o unte r fo r th e c hin a te a se t.
I s e t th e ty p ew rit e r o n a s c ra tc hed r e d ta b le u nd er th e w in d ow . A ib ile en s ta rts to p our th e h o t w ate r in to th e te ap ot.
"O h, n o ne fo r m e, th ank s," I s a y a nd r e ach in m y b ag. " I b ro ught u s s o m e C o-C ola s if y o u w ant one." I 'v e tr ie d to c o m e u p w it h w ays to m ak e A ib ile en m ore c o m fo rta b le . N um ber O ne: d on't mak e h er fe el lik e s h e h as to s e rv e m e.
"W ell, a in 't th at n ic e. I u su ally d on't ta k e m y te a till la te r a nyw ay." S he b rin gs o ver a n o pener a nd tw o gla sse s. I d rin k m in e s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle a nd , s e ein g th is , s h e p ush es th e g la sse s a sid e, d oes th e sa m e.
I c alle d A ib ile en a fte r E liz a b eth g ave m e th e n o te , a nd lis te ned h o pefu lly a s A ib ile en to ld m e h er id ea--fo r h er to w rit e h er o w n w ord s d ow n a nd th en s h o w m e w hat's s h e's w rit te n. I tr ie d to a ct excit e d . B ut I k no w I 'll h ave to r e w rit e e very th in g s h e's w rit te n, w astin g e ven m ore tim e. I th o ught it mig ht m ak e it e asie r if s h e c o uld s e e it in ty p efa ce in ste ad o f m e r e ad in g it a nd te llin g h er it c an't work th is w ay.
We s m ile a t e ach o th er. I ta k e a s ip o f m y C oke, s m ooth m y b lo use . " S o . . ." I s a y.
Aib ile en h as a w ir e -rin ged n o te b ook in fr o nt o f h er. " W ant m e to . . . ju st g o h ead a nd r e ad ?" "S ure ," I s a y.
We b oth ta k e d eep b re ath s a nd s h e b egin s r e ad in g in a s lo w , s te ad y v o ic e. "M y fir s t w hit e b ab y to e ver lo ok a fte r w as n am ed A lt o n C arrin gto n S peers . I t w as 1 924 a nd I 'd ju st tu rn ed fif te en y ears o ld . A lt o n w as a lo ng, s k in ny b ab y w it h h air fin e a s s ilk o n a c o rn . . ." I b egin ty p in g a s s h e r e ad s, h er w ord s r h yth m ic , p ro no unced m ore c le arly th an h er u su al ta lk . " E very win d ow in th at filt h y h o use w as p ain te d s h ut o n th e in sid e, e ven th o ugh th e h o use w as b ig w it h a wid e g re en la w n. I k new th e a ir w as b ad , fe lt s ic k m yse lf . . ." "H ang o n," I s a y. I 'v e ty p ed wid e g re em .
I b lo w o n th e ty p in g flu id , r e ty p e it . " O kay, g o a head ." "W hen th e m am a d ie d , s ix m onth s la te r," s h e r e ad s, " o f th e lu ng d is e ase , th ey k ep t m e o n to r a is e Alt o n u ntil th ey m oved a w ay to M em phis . I lo ved th at b ab y a nd h e lo ved m e a nd th at's w hen I knew I w as g o od a t m ak in g c hild re n fe el p ro ud o f th em se lv es . . ." I h ad n't w ante d to in su lt A ib ile en w hen s h e to ld m e h er id ea. I tr ie d to u rg e h er o ut o f it , o ver th e pho ne. " W rit in g is n 't th at e asy. A nd y o u w ould n't h ave tim e fo r th is a nyw ay, A ib ile en, n o t w it h a fu ll- tim e jo b." "C an't b e m uch d if fe re nt th an w rit in g m y p ra yers e very n ig ht." It w as th e fir s t in te re stin g th in g s h e'd to ld m e a b out h ers e lf s in ce w e'd s ta rte d th e p ro je ct, s o I 'd gra b bed th e s h o ppin g p ad in th e p antr y . " Y ou d on't s a y y o ur p ra yers , th en?" "I n ever to ld n o body th at b efo re . N ot e ven M in ny. F in d I c an g et m y p oin t a cro ss a lo t b ette r w rit in g em d ow n." "S o th is is w hat y o u d o o n th e w eek end s? " I a sk ed . " In y o ur s p are tim e?" I lik ed th e id ea o f cap tu rin g h er lif e o uts id e o f w ork , w hen s h e w asn 't u nd er th e e ye o f E liz a b eth L eefo lt .
"O h n o , I w rit e a h o ur, s o m etim es tw o e ver d ay. L ot a a ilin g, s ic k p eo ple s in th is to w n." I w as im pre sse d . T hat w as m ore th an I w ro te o n s o m e d ays. I to ld h er w e'd tr y it ju st to g et th e pro je ct g o in g a gain .
Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , a s w allo w o f C oke, a nd r e ad s o n.
She b ack tr a ck s to h er fir s t jo b a t th ir te en, c le anin g th e F ra ncis th e F ir s t s ilv er s e rv ic e a t th e go vern o r's m ansio n. S he r e ad s h o w o n h er fir s t m orn in g, s h e m ad e a m is ta k e o n th e c hart w here y o u fille d in th e n um ber o f p ie ces s o th ey'd k no w y o u h ad n't s to le n a nyth in g.
"I c o m e h o m e th at m orn in g, a fte r I b een fir e d , a nd s to od o uts id e m y h o use w it h m y n ew w ork s h o es on. T he s h o es m y m am a p aid a m onth 's w orth a lig ht b ill fo r. I g uess th at's w hen I u nd ers to od w hat sh am e w as a nd th e c o lo r o f it to o. S ham e a in 't b la ck , lik e d ir t, lik e I a lw ays th o ught it w as. S ham e be th e c o lo r o f a n ew w hit e u nif o rm y o ur m oth er ir o ned a ll n ig ht to p ay fo r, w hit e w it h o ut a s m ud ge or a s p eck a w ork -d ir t o n it ." Aib ile en lo oks u p to s e e w hat I th in k . I s to p ty p in g. I 'd e xp ecte d th e s to rie s to b e s w eet, g lo ssy. I re aliz e I m ig ht b e g ettin g m ore th an I 'd b arg ain ed fo r. S he r e ad s o n.
". . . s o I g o o n a nd g et th e c hif fa ro be s tr a ig hte ned o ut a nd b efo re I k no w it , th at lit tle w hit e b oy done c ut h is fin gers c le an o ff in th at w in d ow fa n I a sk ed h er to ta k e o ut te n tim es. I n ever s e en th at much r e d c o m e o ut a p ers o n a nd I g ra b th e b oy, I g ra b th em fo ur fin gers . T ote h im to th e c o lo re d ho sp it a l c ause I d id n't k no w w here th e w hit e o ne w as. B ut w hen I g o t th ere , a c o lo re d m an s to p m e and s a y, Is t h is b oy w hit e ?
" T he ty p ew rit e r k eys a re c la ck in g lik e h ail o n a r o of. A ib ile en is r e ad in g fa ste r a nd I a m ig no rin g m y m is ta k es, s to ppin g h er o nly to p ut in a no th er p age. E very e ig ht s e co nd s, I flin g th e c arria ge a sid e.
"A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Is t h em h is w hit e f in gers?
A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Well, y o u bette r t e ll e m h e y o ur h ig h y ello w c a use t h at c o lo re d d octo r w on't o pera te o n a w hit e b oy in a Neg ro h osp it a l.
A nd th en a w hit e p olic em an g ra b m e a nd h e s a y, Now y o u lo ok a h ere -- " She s to ps. L ooks u p . T he c la ck in g c ease s.
"W hat? T he p olic em an s a id lo ok a h ere w hat? " "W ell, th at's a ll I p ut d ow n. H ad to c atc h th e b us fo r w ork th is m orn in g." I h it th e r e tu rn a nd th e ty p ew rit e r d in gs. A ib ile en a nd I lo ok e ach o th er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. I th in k th is mig ht a ctu ally w ork .
ch ap te r 1 2 E V ERY O TH ER N IG HT fo r th e n ext tw o w eek s, I te ll M oth er I 'm o ff to fe ed th e h ungry a t th e C anto n P re sb yte ria n C hurc h, w here w e, fo rtu nate ly , k no w n o t a s o ul. O f c o urs e s h e'd r a th er I g o d ow n to th e F ir s t P re sb yte ria n, b ut M oth er's n o t o ne to a rg ue w it h C hris tia n w ork s a nd s h e n o ds a p pro vin gly , te lls m e o n th e s id e to m ak e s u re I w ash m y h and s th o ro ughly w it h s o ap a fte rw ard .
H our a fte r h o ur, in A ib ile en's k it c hen, s h e r e ad s h er w rit in g a nd I ty p e, th e d eta ils th ic k enin g, th e b ab ie s' fa ces s lid in g in to fo cus. A t fir s t, I 'm d is a p poin te d th at A ib ile en is d oin g m ost o f th e w rit in g, w it h m e ju st e d it in g. B ut if M is su s S te in lik es it , I 'll b e w rit in g th e o th er m aid s' s to rie s a nd th at w ill b e m ore th an e no ugh w ork .
If s h e lik es it ... I fin d m yse lf s a yin g th is o ver a nd o ver in m y h ead , h o pin g it m ig ht m ak e it s o .
A ib ile en's w rit in g is c le ar, h o nest. I te ll h er s o .
" W ell, lo ok w ho I b een w rit in g to ." S he c huck le s. " C an't lie to G od." B efo re I w as b orn , s h e a ctu ally p ic k ed c o tto n fo r a w eek a t L ongle af, m y o w n fa m ily 's fa rm . O nce s h e la p se s in to ta lk in g a b out C onsta ntin e w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g.
" L aw , th at C onsta ntin e c o uld s in g. L ik e a p ure b re d a ngel s ta nd in g in th e fr o nt a th e c hurc h. G iv e e verb ody c hills , lis te nin g to th at s ilk y v o ic e a h ers a nd w hen s h e w ould n't s in g n o m ore a fte r s h e h ad t o g iv e h er b ab y to --" S he s to ps. L ooks a t m e.
S he s a ys, " A nyw ay." I te ll m yse lf n o t to p re ss h er. I w is h I c o uld h ear e very th in g s h e k no w s a b out C onsta ntin e, b ut I 'll w ait u ntil w e'v e fin is h ed h er in te rv ie w s. I d on't w ant to p ut a nyth in g b etw een u s n o w .
" A ny w ord fr o m M in ny y et? " I a sk . " If M is su s S te in lik es it ," I s a y, p ra ctic ally c hantin g th e fa m ilia r w ord s, " I ju st w ant to h ave th e n ext in te rv ie w s e t u p a nd r e ad y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I a sk ed M in ny th re e tim es a nd s h e s till s a y s h e a in 't g o ne d o it . I s p ec it 's t im e I b elie ved h er." I tr y n o t to s h o w m y w orry . " M ayb e y o u c o uld a sk s o m e o th ers ? S ee if th ey'r e in te re ste d ?" I a m p osit iv e th at A ib ile en w ould h ave b ette r lu ck c o nvin cin g s o m eo ne th an I w ould .
A ib ile en n o ds. " I g o t s o m e m ore I c an a sk . B ut h o w lo ng y o u th in k it 's g o ne ta k e fo r th is la d y to te ll y o u if s h e lik e it ? " I s h ru g. " I d on't k no w . I f w e m ail it n ext w eek , m ayb e w e'll h ear fr o m h er b y m id -F eb ru ary . B ut I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." A ib ile en p re sse s h er lip s to geth er, lo oks d ow n a t h er p ages. I s e e s o m eth in g th at I h aven't n o tic ed b efo re . A ntic ip atio n, a g lin t o f e xcit e m ent. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in m y o w n s e lf , it h asn 't o ccurre d to m e th at A ib ile en m ig ht b e a s th rille d a s I a m th at a n e d it o r in N ew Y ork is g o in g to r e ad h er s to ry . I s m ile a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath , m y h o pe g ro w in g s tr o nger.
On o ur fif th s e ssio n, A ib ile en r e ad s to m e a b out th e d ay T re elo re d ie d . S he r e ad s a b out h o w h is bro ken b ody w as th ro w n o n th e b ack o f a p ic k up b y th e w hit e fo re m an. " A nd th en th ey d ro pped him o ff a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. T hat's w hat th e n urs e to ld m e, w ho w as s ta nd in g o uts id e. T hey r o lle d him o ff th e tr u ck b ed a nd th e w hit e m en d ro ve a w ay." A ib ile en d oesn 't c ry , ju st le ts a p arc el o f tim e pass w hile I s ta re a t th e ty p ew rit e r, s h e a t th e w orn b la ck tile s.
On th e s ix th s e ssio n, A ib ile en s a ys, " I w ent to w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt in 1 960. W hen M ae M oble y tw o w eek s o ld ," a nd I fe el I 'v e p asse d th ro ugh a le ad en g ate o f c o nfid ence. S he d esc rib es th e build in g o f th e g ara ge b ath ro om , a d m it s s h e is g la d it is th ere n o w . I t's e asie r th an lis te nin g to H illy co m pla in a b out s h arin g a to ile t w it h th e m aid . S he te lls m e th at I o nce c o m mente d th at c o lo re d peo ple a tte nd to o m uch c hurc h. T hat s tu ck w it h h er. I c rin ge, w ond erin g w hat e ls e I 'v e s a id , n ever su sp ectin g th e h elp w as lis te nin g o r c are d .
One n ig ht s h e s a ys, " I w as th in k in g . . ." B ut th en s h e s to ps.
I lo ok u p fr o m th e ty p ew rit e r, w ait . I t to ok A ib ile en v o m it in g o n h ers e lf fo r m e to le arn to le t h er ta k e h er tim e.
"I's th in k in g I o ught to d o s o m e r e ad in g. M ig ht h elp m e w it h m y o w n w rit in g." "G o d ow n to th e S ta te S tr e et L ib ra ry . T hey h ave a w ho le r o om fu ll o f S outh ern w rit e rs . F aulk ner, Eud ora W elt y --" Aib ile en g iv es m e a d ry c o ugh. " Y ou k no w c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a llo w ed in th at lib ra ry ." I s it th ere a s e co nd , fe elin g s tu p id . " I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t th at." T he c o lo re d lib ra ry m ust b e p re tty bad . T here w as a s it - in a t th e w hit e lib ra ry a fe w y ears a go a nd it m ad e th e p ap ers . W hen th e co lo re d c ro w d s h o w ed u p fo r th e s it - in tr ia l, th e p olic e d ep artm ent s im ply s te p ped b ack a nd tu rn ed th e G erm an s h ep herd s lo ose . I lo ok a t A ib ile en a nd a m r e m in d ed , o nce a gain , th e r is k s h e's ta k in g ta lk in g to m e. " I'll b e g la d to p ic k th e b ooks u p fo r y o u," I s a y.
Aib ile en h urrie s to th e b ed ro om a nd c o m es b ack w it h a lis t. " I b ette r m ark th e o nes I w ant fir s t. I been o n th e w ait in g lis t fo r To K ill a M ock in gbir d a t th e C arv er L ib ra ry n ear b out th re e m onth s no w . L ess s e e . . ." I w atc h a s s h e p uts c heck m ark s n ext to th e b ooks:
The S ouls o f B la ck F olk b y W . E . B . D u B ois , poem s b y E m ily D ic k in so n ( a ny), The A dven tu re s o f H uck le b erry F in n.
"I r e ad s o m e a th at b ack in s c ho ol, b ut I d id n't g et to fin is h ." S he k eep s m ark in g, s to ppin g to th in k whic h o ne s h e w ants n ext.
"Y ou w ant a b ook b y . . . S ig m und F re ud ?" "O h, p eo ple c ra zy." S he n o ds. " I lo ve r e ad in g a b out h o w th e h ead w ork . Y ou e ver d re am y o u fa ll in a la k e? H e s a y y o u d re am in g a b out y o ur o w n s e lf b ein g b orn . M is s F ra nces, w ho I w ork fo r in 1957, s h e h ad a ll th em b ooks." On h er tw elf th tit le , I h ave to k no w . " A ib ile en, h o w lo ng h ave y o u b een w antin g to a sk m e th is ? I f I 'd check th ese b ooks o ut fo r y o u?" "A w hile ." S he s h ru gs. " I g uess I 's a fr a id to m entio n it ." "D id y o u . . . th in k I 'd s a y n o ?" "T hese is w hit e r u le s. I d on't k no w w hic h o nes y o u fo llo w in g a nd w hic h o nes y o u a in 't ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . " I'm tir e d o f th e r u le s," I s a y.
Aib ile en c huck le s a nd lo oks o ut th e w in d ow . I r e aliz e h o w th in th is r e vela tio n m ust s o und to h er.
FO R F O UR D AY S S TR A IG HT, I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r in m y b ed ro om . T w enty o f m y ty p ed p ages, fu ll o f s la sh es a nd r e d -c ir c le d e d it s , b eco m e th ir ty -o ne o n th ic k S tr a th m ore w hit e . I w rit e a s h o rt bio gra p hy o f S ara h R oss, th e n am e A ib ile en c ho se , a fte r h er s ix th -g ra d e te acher w ho d ie d y ears ago . I in clu d e h er a ge, w hat h er p are nts d id fo r a liv in g. I fo llo w th is w it h A ib ile en's o w n s to rie s, ju st as s h e w ro te th em , s im ple , s tr a ig htfo rw ard .
On d ay th re e, M oth er c alls u p th e s ta ir s to a sk w hat in th e w orld I 'm d oin g u p th ere a ll d ay a nd I ho lle r d ow n, Ju st t y p in g u p s o m e n ote s f ro m t h e B ib le s tu dy. J u st w rit in g d ow n a ll t h e t h in gs I lo ve a bout J esu s.
I h ear h er te ll D ad dy, in th e k it c hen a fte r s u p per, " S he's u p to s o m eth in g." I c arry my lit tle w hit e b ap tis m B ib le a ro und th e h o use , to m ak e it m ore b elie vab le .
I r e ad a nd r e -re ad a nd th en ta k e th e p ages to A ib ile en in th e e venin gs a nd s h e d oes th e s a m e. S he sm ile s a nd n o ds o ver th e n ic e p arts w here e very o ne g ets a lo ng fin e b ut o n th e b ad p arts s h e ta k es off h er b la ck r e ad in g g la sse s a nd s a ys, " I k no w I w ro te it , b ut y o u r e ally w ant to p ut th at in a b out th e--" And I s a y, " Y es, I d o." B ut I a m s u rp ris e d m yse lf b y w hat's in th ese s to rie s, o f s e p ara te c o lo re d re fr ig era to rs a t th e g o vern o r's m ansio n, o f w hit e w om en th ro w in g tw o-y ear- o ld fit s o ver w rin k le d nap kin s, w hit e b ab ie s c allin g A ib ile en " M am a." At th re e a .m ., w it h o nly tw o w hit e c o rre ctio n m ark s o n w hat is n o w tw enty -se ven p ages, I s lid e th e manusc rip t in to a y ello w e nvelo pe. Y este rd ay, I m ad e a lo ng-d is ta nce p ho ne c all to M is su s S te in 's offic e. H er s e cre ta ry , R uth , s a id s h e w as in a m eetin g. S he to ok d ow n m y m essa ge, th at th e in te rv ie w is o n it s w ay. T here w as n o c all b ack fr o m M is su s S te in to day.
I h o ld th e e nvelo pe to m y h eart a nd a lm ost w eep fr o m e xhaustio n, d oub t. I m ail it a t th e C anto n P .
O. th e n ext m orn in g. I c o m e h o m e a nd lie d ow n o n m y o ld ir o n b ed , w orry in g o ver w hat w ill h ap pen . . .
if s h e lik es it .
W hat if E liz a b eth o r H illy c atc hes u s a t w hat w e'r e d oin g? W hat if A ib ile en g ets fir e d , s e nt to ja il? I fe el lik e I 'm fa llin g d ow n a lo ng s p ir a l tu nnel. G od, w ould th ey b eat h er th e w ay th ey b eat th e c o lo re d b oy w ho u se d th e w hit e b ath ro om ? W hat a m I d oin g? W hy a m I p uttin g h er a t su ch r is k ?
I g o to s le ep . I h ave n ig htm are s fo r th e n ext fif te en h o urs s tr a ig ht. IT 's a Q UARTER P A ST O NE a nd H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I a re s it tin g a t E liz a b eth 's d in in g r o om ta b le w ait in g o n L ou A nne to s h o w u p . I 'v e h ad n o th in g to e at to day e xcep t M oth er's s e xual- co rre ctio n te a a nd I fe el n ause o us, ju m py. M y fo ot is w aggin g u nd er th e ta b le . I 'v e b een lik e th is fo r te n d ays, e ver s in ce I m aile d A ib ile en's s to rie s to E la in e S te in . I c alle d o nce a nd R uth s a id s h e passe d it o n to h er fo ur d ays a go , b ut s till I 'v e h eard n o th in g.
"Is th is n o t ju st th e r u d est th in g y o u'v e e ver h eard o f ? " H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h a nd s c o w ls . T his is Lou A nne's s e co nd tim e to b e la te . S he w on't la st lo ng in o ur g ro up w it h H illy a ro und .
Aib ile en w alk s in th e d in in g r o om a nd I d o m y b est n o t to lo ok a t h er fo r to o lo ng. I a m a fr a id H illy or E liz a b eth w ill s e e s o m eth in g in m y e yes.
"S to p jig glin g y o ur fo ot, S keete r. Y ou'r e s h ak in g th e w ho le e ntir e ta b le ," H illy s a ys.
Aib ile en m oves a ro und th e r o om in h er e asy, w hit e -u nif o rm ed s tr id e, n o t s h o w in g e ven a h in t o f what w e'v e d one. I g uess s h e's g ro w n d eft a t h id in g h er fe elin gs.
Hilly s h uffle s a nd d eals o ut a h and o f g in r u m my. I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e g am e, b ut lit tle fa cts keep ju m pin g in m y h ead e very tim e I lo ok a t E liz a b eth . A bout M ae M oble y u sin g th e g ara ge bath ro om , h o w A ib ile en c an't k eep h er lu nch in th e L eefo lt s ' r e fr ig era to r. S m all d eta ils I 'm p riv y to no w .
Aib ile en o ffe rs m e a b is c uit fr o m a s ilv er tr a y. S he fills m y ic ed te a lik e w e a re th e s tr a ngers w e w ere meant to b e. I 'v e b een to h er h o use tw ic e s in ce I m aile d th e p ack age to N ew Y ork , b oth tim es to tr a d e o ut h er lib ra ry b ooks. S he s till w ears th e g re en d re ss w it h b la ck p ip in g w hen I c o m e o ver.
Som etim es s h e'll s lip o ff h er s h o es u nd er th e ta b le . L ast tim e, s h e p ulle d o ut a p ack o f M ontc la ir s and s m oked r ig ht th ere w it h m e in th e r o om a nd th at w as k in d o f s o m eth in g, th e c asu aln ess o f it . I had o ne to o. N ow s h e is c le arin g a w ay m y c ru m bs w it h th e s te rlin g s ilv er s c ra p er I g ave to E liz a b eth and R ale ig h fo r th eir w ed din g.
"W ell, w hile w e w ait , I h ave s o m e n ew s," E liz a b eth s a ys a nd I r e co gniz e th e lo ok o n h er fa ce alr e ad y, th e s e cre tiv e n o d, o ne h and o n h er s to m ach.
"I'm p re gnant." S he s m ile s, h er m outh tr e m blin g a lit tle .
"T hat's g re at," I s a y. I p ut d ow n m y c ard s a nd to uch h er a rm . S he tr u ly lo oks lik e s h e m ig ht c ry .
"W hen a re y o u d ue?" "O cto ber." "W ell, it 's a b out tim e," H illy s a ys, g iv in g h er a h ug. " M ae M oble y's p ra ctic ally g ro w n." Eliz a b eth lig hts a c ig are tte , s ig hs. S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c ard s. " W e'r e a ll r e al e xcit e d ." While w e p la y a fe w p ra ctic e h and s, H illy a nd E liz a b eth ta lk a b out b ab y n am es. I tr y to c o ntr ib ute to th e c o nvers a tio n. " D efin it e ly R ale ig h, if it 's a b oy," I a d d. H illy ta lk s a b out W illia m 's c am paig n. H e's ru nnin g fo r s ta te s e nate n ext y ear, e ven th o ugh h e h as n o p olit ic al e xp erie nce. I 'm g ra te fu l w hen Eliz a b eth te lls A ib ile en to g o a head a nd s e rv e lu nch.
When A ib ile en c o m es b ack in w it h th e g ela tin s a la d , H illy s tr a ig hte ns in h er c hair . " A ib ile en, I h ave an o ld c o at fo r y o u a nd a s a ck o f c lo th es fr o m M is su s W alt e rs ' h o use ." S he d ab s h er m outh w it h h er nap kin . " S o y o u c o m e o n o ut to th e c ar a fte r lu nch a nd p ic k it a ll u p , a lr ig ht? " "Y es m a'a m ." "D on't fo rg et n o w . I c an't w orry w it h b rin gin g th em b y a gain ." "O h n o w is n 't th at n ic e o f M is s H illy , A ib ile en?" E liz a b eth n o ds. " Y ou g o o n a nd g et th o se c lo th es rig ht a fte r w e'r e d one." "Y es m a'a m ." Hilly r a is e s h er v o ic e a b out th re e o cta ves h ig her w hen s h e ta lk s to c o lo re d p eo ple . E liz a b eth s m ile s lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , a lt h o ugh c erta in ly n o t h er o w n. I a m s ta rtin g to n o tic e th in gs.
By th e tim e L ou A nne T em ple to n s h o w s u p , w e'v e fin is h ed o ur s h rim p a nd g rit s a nd a re ju st s ta rtin g on d esse rt. H illy is a m azin gly fo rg iv in g. L ou A nne w as la te , a fte r a ll, b ecause o f a L eague d uty .
Afte rw ard , I te ll E liz a b eth c o ngra tu la tio ns a gain , w alk o ut to m y c ar. A ib ile en is o uts id e c o lle ctin g her g ently u se d c o at fr o m 1 942 a nd o ld c lo th es th at, fo r s o m e r e aso n, H illy w on't g iv e to h er o w n maid , Y ule M ay. H illy s tr id es o ver to m e, h and s m e a n e nvelo pe.
"F or th e n ew sle tte r n ext w eek . Y ou'll b e s u re a nd g et it in fo r m e?" I n o d a nd H illy w alk s b ack to h er c ar. J u st a s A ib ile en o pens th e fr o nt d oor to g o b ack in th e h o use , sh e g la nces b ack m y w ay. I s h ak e m y h ead , m outh th e w ord Noth in g.
S he n o ds a nd g o es o n in th e ho use .
That n ig ht, I w ork o n th e n ew sle tte r, w is h in g I w as w ork in g o n th e s to rie s in ste ad . I g o th ro ugh th e no te s fr o m th e la st L eague m eetin g, a nd c o m e a cro ss H illy 's e nvelo pe. I o pen it . I t is o ne p age, writ te n in H illy 's fa t, c urly p en:
Hilly H olb ro ok in tro duces t h e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e. A d is e a se p re v en ta tiv e mea su re . L ow -c o st b ath ro om in sta lla tio n in y o ur g ara ge o r s h ed , f o r h om es w it h out s u ch a n im porta nt f ix tu re .
Ladie s, d id y o u k now t h at:
* 99% o f a ll c o lo re d d is e a se s a re c a rrie d in t h e u rin e * Whit e s c a n b eco m e p erm anen tly d is a ble d b y n ea rly a ll o f t h ese d is e a se s b eca use w e la ck im munit ie s c o lo re d s c a rry in t h eir d ark er p ig m en ta tio n * Som e g erm s c a rrie d b y w hit e s c a n a ls o b e h arm fu l t o c o lo re d s t o o P ro te ct y o urse lf . P ro te ct yo ur c h ild re n . P ro te ct y o ur h elp .
Fro m t h e H olb ro oks, w e s a y, Y o u'r e w elc o m e!
TH E P H O NE r in gs in T H E k it c hen a nd I p ra ctic ally fa ll o ver m yse lf r a cin g to it . B ut P asc ago ula h as alr e ad y a nsw ere d it .
"M is s C harlo tte r e sid ence." I s ta re h er d ow n, w atc h a s tin y P asc ago ula n o ds, s a ys, " Y es m a'a m , s h e h ere ," a nd h and s m e th e pho ne.
"T his is E ugenia ," I s a y q uic k ly . D ad dy's in th e fie ld s a nd M oth er's a t a d octo r's a p poin tm ent in to w n, s o I s tr e tc h th e b la ck , tw is tin g p ho ne c o rd to th e k it c hen ta b le .
"E la in e S te in h ere ." I b re ath e d eep . " Y es m a'a m . D id y o u r e ceiv e m y p ack age?" "I d id ," s h e s a ys a nd th en b re ath es in to th e p ho ne a fe w s e co nd s.
"T his S ara h R oss. I lik e h er s to rie s. S he lik es to k vetc h w it h o ut c o m pla in in g to o m uch." I n o d. I d on't k no w w hat kvetc h m eans, b ut I th in k it m ust b e g o od.
"B ut I s till s ta nd b y m y o pin io n th at a b ook o f in te rv ie w s . . . o rd in arily w ould n't w ork . I t's n o t fic tio n, b ut it 's n o t n o nfic tio n e it h er. P erh ap s it 's a nth ro polo gic al b ut th at's a g hastly c ate go ry to b e in ." "B ut y o u . . . lik ed it ? " "E ugenia ," s h e s a ys, e xhalin g h er c ig are tte s m oke in to th e p ho ne. " H ave y o u s e en th e c o ver o f Lif e magazin e th is w eek ?" I h aven't s e en th e c o ver o f m y Lif e m agazin e in a m onth , I 'v e b een s o b usy.
"M artin L uth er K in g, d ear. H e ju st a nno unced a m arc h o n D .C . a nd in vit e d e very N egro in A meric a to jo in h im . E very w hit e p ers o n, fo r th at m atte r. T his m any N egro a nd w hit e p eo ple h aven't w ork ed to geth er s in ce Gone W it h t h e W in d.
" "Y es, I d id h ear a b out th e . . . m arc hin g . . . e vent," I lie . I c o ver m y e yes, w is h in g I 'd r e ad th e p ap er th is w eek . I s o und lik e a n id io t.
"M y a d vic e to y o u is , w rit e it a nd w rit e it fa st. T he m arc h is in A ugust. Y ou s h o uld h ave it w rit te n b y New Y ear's ." I g asp . S he's te llin g m e to w rit e it ! S he's te llin g m e . . . " A re y o u s a yin g y o u'll p ub lis h it ? I f I c an w rit e it b y--" "I s a id n o th in g o f th e s o rt," s h e s n ap s. " I w ill r e ad it . I lo ok a t a h und re d m anusc rip ts a m onth a nd re je ct n early a ll o f th em ." "S orry , I ju st . . . I 'll w rit e it ," I s a y. " I'll h ave it fin is h ed in J a nuary ." "A nd fo ur o r fiv e in te rv ie w s w on't b e e no ugh fo r a b ook. Y ou'll n eed a d oze n, m ayb e m ore . Y ou have m ore in te rv ie w s s e t u p , I a ssu m e?" I p re ss m y lip s to geth er. " S om e . . . m ore ." "G ood. T hen g et g o in g. B efo re th is c iv il r ig hts th in g b lo w s o ver." TH AT E V EN IN G, I g o to A ib ile en's . I h and h er th re e m ore b ooks fr o m h er lis t. M y b ack h urts fr o m le anin g o ver th e ty p ew rit e r. T his a fte rn o on, I w ro te d ow n e very o ne I k no w w ho h as a m aid (w hic h is e very o ne I k no w ), a nd th eir m aid 's n am e. B ut s o m e o f th e n am es I c an't r e m em ber.
"T hank y o u, o h L aw , lo ok a t th is ." S he s m ile s a nd flip s to th e fir s t p age o f Wald en , lo oks lik e s h e wants to s ta rt r e ad in g it r ig ht th ere .
"I s p oke to M is su s S te in th is a fte rn o on," I s a y.
Aib ile en's h and s fr e eze o n th e b ook. " I k new s o m eth in g w as w ro ng. I s e en it o n y o ur fa ce." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . " S he s a id s h e lik es y o ur s to rie s v ery m uch. B ut . . . s h e w on't s a y if s h e'll pub lis h it u ntil w e'v e w rit te n th e w ho le th in g." I tr y to lo ok o ptim is tic . " W e h ave to b e fin is h ed ju st afte r th e n ew y ear." "B ut th at's g o od n ew s, a in 't it ? " I n o d, tr y to s m ile .
" Ja nuary, " A ib ile en w his p ers a nd s h e g ets u p a nd le aves th e k it c hen. S he c o m es b ack w it h a T om 's cand y w all c ale nd ar. S he s e ts it d ow n o n th e ta b le , flip s th ro ugh th e m onth s.
"S eem a lo ng w ays o ff n o w , b ut J a nuary a in 't b ut . . . tw o . . . fo ur . . . s ix ... te n p ages a w ay. G one be h ere b efo re w e k no w it ." S he g rin s.
"S he s a id w e h ave to in te rv ie w a t le ast tw elv e m aid s fo r h er to c o nsid er it ," I s a y. T he s tr a in in m y vo ic e is s ta rtin g to r e ally c o m e th ro ugh.
"B ut . . . y o u a in 't g o t a ny o th er m aid s to ta lk to , M is s S keete r." I c le nch m y h and s. I c lo se m y e yes. " I d on't h ave a nyo ne I c an a sk , A ib ile en," I s a y, m y v o ic e r is in g.
I'v e s p ent th e la st fo ur h o urs p orin g o ver th is v ery fa ct. " I m ean, w ho is th ere ? P asc ago ula ? I f I ta lk to h er, M am a w ill fin d o ut. I 'm n o t th e o ne w ho k no w s th e o th er m aid s." Aib ile en's e yes d ro p fr o m m in e s o fa st I w ant to c ry .
Dam n it , S keete r.
A ny b arrie r th at h ad e ro ded betw een u s th ese p ast fe w m onth s, I 'v e ju st b uilt b ack u p in a m atte r o f s e co nd s. " I'm s o rry ," I s a y quic k ly . " I'm s o rry I r a is e d m y v o ic e." "N o, n o , it 's a lr ig ht. T hat w as m y jo b, to g et th e o th ers ." "W hat a b out . . . L ou A nne's m aid ," I s a y q uie tly , p ullin g o ut m y lis t. " W hat's h er n am e . . .
Louvenia ? D o y o u k no w h er? " Aib ile en n o ds. " I a sk ed L ouvenia ." H er e yes a re s till o n h er la p . " H er g ra nd so n th e o ne g o t b lin d ed .
She s a y s h e r e al s o rry , b ut s h e h ave to k eep h er m in d o n h im ." "A nd H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay? Y ou'v e a sk ed h er? " "S he s a y s h e to o b usy tr y in g to g et h er b oys in to c o lle ge n ext y ear." "A ny o th er m aid s th at g o to y o ur c hurc h? H ave y o u a sk ed th em ?" Aib ile en n o ds. " T hey a ll g o t e xcuse s. B ut r e ally , th ey ju st to o s c are d ." "B ut h o w m any? H ow m any h ave y o u a sk ed ?" Aib ile en p ic k s u p h er n o te b ook, flip s th o ugh a fe w p ages. H er lip s m ove, c o untin g s ile ntly .
"T hir ty -o ne," A ib ile en s a ys.
I le t o ut m y b re ath . I d id n't k no w I 'd b een h o ld in g it .
"T hat's . . . a lo t," I s a y.
Aib ile en fin ally m eets m y lo ok. " I d id n't w ant a te ll y o u," s h e s a ys a nd h er fo re head w rin k le s. " U ntil we h eard fr o m th e la d y . . ." S he ta k es o ff h er g la sse s. I s e e th e d eep w orry in h er fa ce. S he tr ie s to hid e it w it h a tr e m blin g s m ile .
"I'm o n a sk e m a gain ," s h e s a ys, le anin g fo rw ard .
"A lr ig ht," I s ig h.
She s w allo w s h ard , n o ds r a p id ly to m ak e m e u nd ers ta nd h o w m uch s h e m eans it . " P le ase , d on't g iv e up o n m e. L et m e s ta y o n th e p ro je ct w it h y o u." I c lo se m y e yes. I n eed a b re ak fr o m s e ein g h er w orrie d fa ce. H ow c o uld I h ave r a is e d m y v o ic e to her? " A ib ile en, it 's a lr ig ht. W e'r e . . . to geth er o n th is ." A F EW D AY S L ATER , I s it in th e h o t k it c hen, b ore d , s m okin g a c ig are tte , s o m eth in g I c an't s e em to s to p d oin g la te ly . I th in k I m ig ht b e " a d dic te d ." T hat's a w ord M is te r G old en lik es to u se .
The id jit s a re a ll a ddic ts .
H e c alls m e in h is o ffic e e very o nce in a w hile , s c ans th e m onth 's a rtic le s w it h a r e d p encil, m ark in g a nd s la sh in g a nd g ru ntin g.
"T hat's fin e," h e'll s a y. " Y ou fin e?" "I'm fin e," I s a y.
"F in e, th en." B efo re I le ave, th e fa t r e cep tio nis t h and s m e m y te n-d olla r c heck a nd th at's p re tty m uch it fo r m y M is s M yrn a jo b.
The k it c hen is h o t, b ut I h ave to g et o ut o f m y r o om , w here a ll I d o is w orry b ecause n o o th er m aid s have a gre ed to w ork w it h u s. P lu s, I h ave to s m oke in h ere b ecause it 's a b out th e o nly r o om in th e ho use w it h o ut a c eilin g fa n to b lo w a sh es e very w here . W hen I w as te n, D ad dy tr ie d to in sta ll o ne in th e tin k it c hen c eilin g w it h o ut a sk in g C onsta ntin e. S he'd p oin te d to it lik e h e'd p ark ed th e F ord o n th e c eilin g.
"It's fo r y o u, C onsta ntin e, s o y o u d on't g et s o h o t b ein g u p in th e k it c hen a ll th e tim e." "I a in 't w ork in g in n o k it c hen w it h n o c eilin g fa n, M is te r C arlt o n." "S ure y o u w ill. I 'm ju st h o okin g u p th e c urre nt to it n o w ." Dad dy c lim bed d ow n th e la d der. C onsta ntin e fille d a p ot w it h w ate r. " G o h ead ," s h e s ig hed . " T urn it on th en." Dad dy flip ped th e s w it c h. I n th e s e co nd s it to ok to r e ally g et g o in g, c ak e flo ur b le w u p fr o m th e mix in g b ow l a nd s w ir le d a ro und th e r o om , r e cip es fla p ped o ff th e c o unte r a nd c aught fir e o n th e sto veto p. C onsta ntin e s n atc hed th e b urn in g r o ll o f p arc hm ent p ap er, q uic k ly d ip ped it in th e b uck et of w ate r. T here 's s till a h o le w here th e c eilin g fa n h ung fo r te n m in ute s.
In th e n ew sp ap er, I s e e S ta te S enato r W hit w orth p oin tin g to a n e m pty lo t o f la nd w here th ey p la n to build a n ew c it y c o lis e um . I tu rn th e p age. I h ate b ein g r e m in d ed o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth .
Pasc ago ula p ad s in to th e k it c hen. I w atc h a s s h e c uts o ut b is c uit s w it h a s h o t g la ss th at's n ever s h o t a th in g b ut s h o rt d ough. B ehin d m e, th e k it c hen w in d ow s a re p ro pped o pen w it h S ears , R oeb uck & Co. c ata lo gues. P ic tu re s o f tw o-d olla r h and m ix ers a nd m ail- o rd er to ys flu tte r in a b re eze , s w olle n and p uck ere d fr o m a d ecad e o f r a in .
Mayb e I s h ould j u st a sk P asc a goula . M ayb e M oth er w on't f in d o ut.
B ut w ho a m I k id din g?
Moth er w atc hes h er e very m ove a nd P asc ago ula s e em s a fr a id o f m e a nyw ay, lik e I m ig ht te ll o n h er if s h e d oes s o m eth in g w ro ng. I t c o uld ta k e y ears to b re ak th ro ugh th at fe ar. M y b est s e nse te lls m e, le ave P asc ago ula o ut o f th is . The p ho ne r in gs lik e a fir e a la rm . P asc ago ula c la ngs h er s p oon o n th e b ow l a nd I g ra b th e r e ceiv er befo re s h e c an.
"M in ny g o ne h elp u s," A ib ile en w his p ers .
I s lip in to th e p antr y a nd s it o n m y flo ur c an. I c an't s p eak fo r a b out fiv e s e co nd s. " W hen? W hen c an sh e s ta rt? " "N ext T hurs d ay. B ut s h e g o t s o m e . . . r e q uir e m ents ." "W hat a re th ey?" Aib ile en p ause s a m om ent. " S he s a y s h e d on't w ant y o ur C ad illa c a nyw here th is s id e a th e Woodro w W ils o n b rid ge." "A lr ig ht," I s a y. " I g uess I c o uld ... d riv e th e tr u ck in ." "A nd s h e s a y . . . s h e s a y y o u c an't s e t o n th e s a m e s id e a th e r o om a s h er. S he w ant a b e a b le to se e y o u s q uare o n a t a ll tim es." "I'll . . . s it w here ver s h e w ants m e to ." Aib ile en's v o ic e s o fte ns. " S he ju st d on't k no w y o u, is a ll. P lu s s h e a in 't g o t a r e al g o od h is to ry w it h whit e la d ie s." "W hate ver I h ave to d o, I 'll d o it ." I w alk o ut o f th e p antr y b eam in g, h ang th e p ho ne u p o n th e w all. P asc ago ula is w atc hin g m e, th e sh o t g la ss in o ne h and , a r a w b is c uit in th e o th er. S he lo oks d ow n q uic k ly a nd g o es b ack to h er work .
TW O D AY S L ATER , I te ll M oth er I 'm g o in g to p ic k u p a n ew c o py o f th e K in g J a m es B ib le s in ce I'v e w orn m in e s o th in a nd a ll. I a ls o te ll h er I fe el g uilt y d riv in g th e C ad illa c w hat w it h a ll th o se p oor sta rv in g b ab ie s in A fr ic a a nd I 'v e d ecid ed to ta k e th e o ld tr u ck to day. S he n arro w s h er e yes a t m e fr o m h er p orc h r o ck er. " W here e xactly d o y o u p la n o n b uyin g th is n ew B ib le ?" I b lin k . " T he . . . th ey o rd ere d it fo r m e. A t th e C anto n c hurc h." She n o ds, w atc hes m e th e e ntir e tim e it ta k es to s ta rt th e o ld tr u ck .
I d riv e to F aris h S tr e et w it h a la w n m ow er in th e b ack a nd a r u ste d -o ut flo orb oard . U nd er m y fe et, I can s e e fla sh es o f p avem ent w hiz b y. B ut a t le ast I 'm n o t p ullin g a tr a cto r.
Aib ile en o pens th e d oor a nd I c o m e in . I n th e b ack c o rn er o f th e liv in g r o om , M in ny s ta nd s w it h h er arm s c ro sse d o ver h er h uge b oso m . I 'v e m et h er th e fe w tim es H illy a llo w ed M is su s W alt e rs to h o st brid ge c lu b . M in ny a nd A ib ile en a re b oth s till in th eir w hit e u nif o rm s.
"H ello ," I s a y fr o m m y s id e o f th e r o om . " G ood to s e e y o u a gain ." "M is s S keete r." M in ny n o ds. S he s e ttle s in a w ooden c hair A ib ile en h as b ro ught o ut fr o m th e kit c hen, a nd th e fr a m e c re ak s. I s it o n th e fa r e nd o f th e s o fa . A ib ile en s it s o n th e o th er e nd o f th e so fa , b etw een u s.
I c le ar m y th ro at, p ro duce a n erv o us s m ile . M in ny d oesn 't s m ile b ack . S he is fa t a nd s h o rt a nd str o ng. H er s k in is b la ck er th an A ib ile en's b y te n s h ad es, a nd s h in y a nd ta ut, lik e a p air o f n ew pate nt s h o es.
"I a lr e ad y to ld M in ny h o w w e d oin g th e s to rie s," A ib ile en s a ys to m e. " Y ou h elp in g m e w rit e m in e.
And h ers s h e g o ne te ll y o u, w hile y o u w rit e it d ow n." "A nd M in ny, e very th in g y o u s a y h ere is in c o nfid ence," I s a y. " Y ou'll g et to r e ad e very th in g w e--" "W hat m ak es y o u th in k c o lo re d p eo ple n eed y o ur h elp ?" M in ny s ta nd s u p , c hair s c ra p in g. " W hy y o u even c are a b out th is ? Y ou whit e ." I lo ok a t A ib ile en. I 'v e n ever h ad a c o lo re d p ers o n s p eak to m e th is w ay.
"W e a ll w ork in g fo r th e s a m e th in g h ere , M in ny," A ib ile en s a ys. " W e ju st ta lk in g." "A nd w hat th in g is th at? " M in ny s a ys to m e. " M ayb e y o u ju st w ant m e to te ll y o u a ll th is s tu ff s o I g et in tr o ub le ." M in ny p oin ts to th e w in d ow . " M ed gar E vers , th e N AACP o ffic er w ho liv e fiv e m in ute s aw ay, th ey b le w u p h is c arp ort la st n ig ht. F or ta lk in g ." My fa ce is b urn in g r e d . I s p eak s lo w ly . " W e w ant to s h o w y o ur p ers p ectiv e . . . s o p eo ple m ig ht und ers ta nd w hat it 's lik e fr o m y o ur s id e. W e--w e h o pe it m ig ht c hange s o m e th in gs a ro und h ere ." "W hat y o u th in k y o u g o ne c hange w it h th is ? W hat la w y o u w ant to r e fo rm s o it s a y y o u g o t to b e nic e to y o ur m aid ?" "N ow h o ld o n," I s a y, " I'm n o t tr y in g to c hange a ny la w s h ere . I 'm ju st ta lk in g a b out a ttit u d es a nd --" "Y ou k no w w hat'll h ap pen if p eo ple c atc h u s? F org et th e tim e I a ccid enta lly u se th e w ro ng c hangin g ro om d ow n a t M cR ae's w om en's w ear, I 'd h ave guns p oin tin g a t m y h o use ." There 's a s till, tig ht m om ent in th e r o om w it h ju st th e s o und o f th e b ro w n T im ex c lo ck tic k in g o n th e sh elf .
"Y ou d on't h ave to d o th is , M in ny," A ib ile en s a ys. " It's a lr ig ht if y o u w ant a c hange y o ur m in d ." Slo w ly , w arily , M in ny s e ttle s a gain in h er c hair . " I d o it . I ju st w ant a m ak e s u re s h e u nd ers ta nd , th is ain 't n o gam e w e p la yin g h ere ." I g la nce a t A ib ile en. S he n o ds a t m e. I ta k e a d eep b re ath . M y h and s a re s h ak in g. I s ta rt w it h th e b ack gro und q uestio ns a nd s o m eho w w e b ack o ur w ay in to ta lk in g a b out M in ny's work . S he lo oks a t A ib ile en a s s h e ta lk s, lik e s h e's tr y in g to fo rg et I 'm e ven in th e r o om . I r e co rd every th in g s h e s a ys, m y p encil s c ra tc hin g a s fa st a s I c an m ove it . W e th o ught it m ig ht b e le ss fo rm al th an u sin g th e ty p ew rit e r.
"T hen th ey's o ne jo b w here I w ork la te e ver n ig ht. A nd y o u k no w w hat h ap pened ?" "W hat's . . . th at? " I a sk , e ven th o ugh s h e's lo okin g a t A ib ile en.
" Oh, M in ny, " s h e c at- c alls , " yo u t h e b est h elp w e e v er h ad. B ig M in ny, w e g one k eep y o u o n fo re v er.
T hen o ne d ay s h e s a y s h e g o ne g iv e m e a w eek a p aid v acatio n. I a in 't h ad n o v acatio n, paid o r u np aid , in m y e ntir e lif e . A nd w hen I p ull u p a w eek la te r to g o b ack to w ork , th ey g o ne.
Moved to M obile . S he te ll s o m eb ody s h e s c are d I 'd fin d n ew w ork b efo re s h e m ove. M is s L azy Fin gers c o uld n't g o a d ay w it h o ut h avin g a m aid w ait in g o n h er." She s u d denly s ta nd s u p , th ro w s h er b ag o n h er a rm . " I g o t to g o . Y ou g iv in g m e th e h eart palp it a tio ns ta lk in g b out th is ." A nd o ut s h e g o es, s la m min g th e d oor b ehin d h er.
I lo ok u p , w ip e th e s w eat o ff m y te m ple .
"A nd th at w as a g o od m ood," A ib ile en s a ys.
ch ap te r 1 3 F O R T H E N EX T T W O W EEK S, th e th re e o f u s a rra nge o urs e lv es in th e s a m e s e ats in A ib ile en's s m all, w arm liv in g r o om . M in ny s to rm s in m ad , q uie ts d ow n a s s h e te lls A ib ile en h er s to ry , th en r u sh es o ut in a r a ge a s fa st a s s h e c am e in . I w rit e d ow n a s m uch a s I c an.
W hen M in ny la p se s in to n ew s a b out M is s C elia --"S he s n eak in g u p sta ir s , th in k I d on't s e e h er, b ut I k no w , th at c ra zy la d y u p to s o m eth in g"- -sh e a lw ays s to ps h ers e lf , th e w ay A ib ile en d oes w hen s h e s p eak s o f C onsta ntin e. " T hat a in 't p art a m y s to ry . Y ou le ave M is s C elia o ut a th is ." S he w atc hes m e u ntil m y w rit in g s to ps.
B esid es h er fu rio usn ess a t w hit e p eo ple , M in ny lik es to ta lk a b out fo od. " L et's s e e, I p ut th e g re en b eans in fir s t, th en I g o o n a nd g et th e p ork c ho ps g o in g c ause , m mm-m mm, I lik e m y c ho ps h o t o ut t h e p an, y o u k no w ." O ne d ay, w hile s h e's s a yin g, " . . . g o t a w hit e b ab y o n o ne a rm , g re en b eans in th e p ot- -" s h e s to ps.
C ock s h er ja w a t m e. T ap s h er fo ot.
" H alf th is s tu ff d on't h ave n o th in g to d o w it h c o lo re d r ig hts . A in 't b ut d ay-to -d ay b usin ess." S he e yes m e u p a nd d ow n. " L ook to m e lik e y o u ju st w rit in g lif e ." I s to p m y p encil. S he's r ig ht. I r e aliz e th at's ju st w hat I w ante d to d o. I te ll h er, " I h o pe s o ." S he g ets u p a nd s a ys s h e's g o t m ore im porta nt th in gs to w orry a b out th an w hat I 'm h o pin g fo r.
T H E N EX T E V EN IN G, I 'm w ork in g u p sta ir s in m y r o om , b angin g th e k eys o n m y C oro na.
S ud denly I h ear M oth er h it th e s ta ir s r u nnin g. I n tw o s e co nd s s h e's m ad e it in m y r o om . " E ugenia !" s h e w his p ers .
I s ta nd s o fa st m y c hair te ete rs , tr y in g to g uard th e c o nte nts o f m y ty p ew rit e r. " Y es m a'a m ?" " N ow d on't p anic b ut th ere is a m an--a v ery ta ll m an--d ow nsta ir s to s e e y o u." " W ho ?" " H e s a ys h is n am e is S tu art Whit w orth ." " W hat? " " H e s a id y 'a ll s p ent a n e venin g to geth er a w hile b ack b ut h o w c an th at b e, I d id n't k no w a nyth in g--" " C hris t." " D on't ta k e th e L ord 's n am e in v ain , E ugenia P hela n. J u st p ut s o m e lip stic k o n." " B elie ve m e, M am a," I s a y, p uttin g o n lip stic k a nyw ay. " J e su s w ould n't lik e h im e it h er." I b ru sh m y h air b ecause I k no w it 's a w fu l. I e ven w ash th e ty p ew rit e r in k a nd c o rre ctin g flu id o ff m y h and s a nd e lb ow s. B ut I w on't c hange c lo th es, n o t fo r h im .
M oth er g iv es m e a q uic k u p a nd d ow n in m y d ungare es a nd D ad dy's o ld b utto n-u p w hit e s h ir t. " Is he a G re enw ood W hit w orth o r a N atc hez? " "H e's th e s ta te s e nato r's s o n." Moth er's ja w d ro ps s o fa r it h it s h er s tr in g o f p earls . I g o d ow n th e s ta ir s , p ast th e a sse m bly o f o ur child ho od p ortr a it s . P ic tu re s o f C arlt o n lin e th e w all, ta k en u p u ntil a b out th e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.
Pic tu re s o f m e s to p w hen I w as tw elv e. " M oth er, g iv e u s s o m e p riv acy." I w atc h a s s h e s lo w ly d ra gs hers e lf b ack to h er r o om , g la ncin g o ver h er s h o uld er b efo re s h e d is a p pears .
I w alk o ut o nto th e p orc h, a nd th ere h e is . T hre e m onth s a fte r o ur d ate , th ere is S tu art W hit w orth him se lf , s ta nd in g o n m y fr o nt p orc h in k hak i p ants a nd a b lu e c o at a nd a r e d tie lik e h e's r e ad y fo r Sund ay d in ner.
Assh o le .
"W hat b rin gs y o u h ere ?" I a sk . I d on't s m ile th o ugh. I 'm n o t s m ilin g a t h im .
"I ju st . . . I w ante d to d ro p b y." "W ell. C an I g et y o u a d rin k ?" I a sk . " O r s h o uld I ju st g et y o u th e e ntir e b ottle o f O ld K entu ck y?" He fr o w ns. H is n o se a nd fo re head a re p in k , lik e h e's b een w ork in g in th e s u n. " L ook, I k no w it w as . . . a lo ng w hile b ack , b ut I c am e o ut h ere to s a y I 'm s o rry ." "W ho s e nt y o u--H illy ? W illia m ?" T here a re e ig ht e m pty r o ck in g c hair s o n m y p orc h. I d on't a sk h im to s it in a ny o f th em .
He lo oks o ff a t th e w est c o tto n fie ld w here th e s u n is d ip pin g in to th e d ir t. H e s h o ves h is h and s dow n in h is fr o nt p ock ets lik e a tw elv e-y ear- o ld b oy. " I k no w I w as... r u d e th at n ig ht, a nd I 'v e b een th in k in g a b out it a lo t a nd . . ." I la ugh th en. I 'm ju st s o e m barra sse d th at h e w ould c o m e o ut h ere a nd h ave m e r e liv e it .
"N ow lo ok," h e s a ys, " I to ld H illy te n tim es I w asn 't r e ad y to g o o ut o n a ny d ate . I w asn 't e ven c lo se to b ein g r e ad y . . ." I g rit m y te eth . I c an't belie v e I fe el th e h eat o f te ars ; th e d ate w as m onth s a go . B ut I r e m em ber h o w se co nd hand I 'd fe lt th at n ig ht, h o w r id ic ulo usly fix ed u p I 'd g o tte n fo r h im . " T hen w hy'd y o u e ven sh o w u p ?" "I d on't k no w ." H e s h ak es h is h ead . " Y ou k no w h o w H illy c an b e." I s ta nd th ere w ait in g fo r w hate ver it is h e's h ere fo r. H e r u ns a h and th ro ugh h is lig ht b ro w n h air . I t is alm ost w ir y it 's s o th ic k . H e lo oks tir e d .
I lo ok a w ay b ecause h e's c ute in a n o verg ro w n b oy k in d o f w ay a nd it 's n o t s o m eth in g I w ant to b e th in k in g r ig ht n o w . I w ant h im to le ave--I d on't w ant to fe el th is a w fu l fe elin g a gain , y et I h ear m yse lf sa yin g, " W hat d o y o u m ean, n o t r e ad y?" "J u st n o t r e ad y. N ot a fte r w hat h ap pened ." I s ta re a t h im . " Y ou w ant m e to g uess? " "M e a nd P atr ic ia v an D evend er. W e g o t e ngaged la st y ear a nd th en . . . I th o ught y o u k new ." He s in k s d ow n in a r o ck in g c hair . I d on't s it n ext to h im . B ut I d on't te ll h im to le ave e it h er.
"W hat, s h e r a n o ff w it h s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "S ho ot." H e d ro ps h is h ead d ow n in to h is h and s, m um ble s, " T hat'd b e a g o ddam n M ard i G ra s p arty co m pare d to w hat h ap pened ." I d on't le t m yse lf s a y to h im w hat I 'd lik e to , th at h e p ro bab ly d ese rv ed w hate ver s h e d id , b ut h e's ju st to o p ath etic -lo okin g. N ow th at a ll h is g o od o le b oy, to ugh b ourb on ta lk h as e vap ora te d , I wond er if h e's th is p ath etic a ll th e tim e.
"W e'd b een d atin g s in ce w e w ere fif te en. Y ou k no w h o w it is , w hen y o u'v e b een s te ad y w it h so m eb ody th at lo ng." And I d on't k no w w hy I a d m it th is , e xcep t th at I s im ply h ave n o th in g to lo se . " A ctu ally , I w ould n't kno w ," I s a y. " I'v e n ever d ate d a nyb ody." He lo oks u p a t m e, k in d o f la ughs. " W ell, th at m ust b e it , th en." "B e w hat? " I s te el m yse lf , r e callin g fe rtiliz e r a nd tr a cto r r e fe re nces.
"Y ou'r e . . . d if fe re nt. I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody th at s a id e xactly w hat th ey w ere th in k in g. N ot a wom an, a nyw ay." "B elie ve m e, I h ad a lo t more to s a y." He s ig hs. " W hen I s a w y o ur fa ce, o ut th ere b y th e tr u ck . . . I 'm n o t th at g uy. I 'm r e ally n o t s u ch a je rk ." I lo ok a w ay, e m barra sse d . I t's ju st s ta rtin g to h it m e w hat h e s a id , th at e ven th o ugh I 'm d if fe re nt, mayb e it 's n o t in a s tr a nge w ay o r a n a b no rm al, ta ll- g ir l w ay. B ut m ayb e in a g o od w ay.
"I c am e b y to s e e if y o u'd lik e to c o m e d ow nto w n w it h m e fo r s u p per. W e c o uld ta lk ," h e s a ys a nd sta nd s u p . " W e c o uld ... I d on't k no w , lis te n to e ach o th er th is tim e." I s ta nd th ere , s h o ck ed . H is e yes a re b lu e a nd c le ar a nd fix ed o n m e lik e m y a nsw er m ig ht r e ally mean s o m eth in g to h im . I ta k e in a d eep b re ath , a b out to s a y y es--I m ean, w hy w ould I o f a ll p eo ple re fu se --a nd h e b it e s h is b otto m lip , w ait in g.
And th en I th in k a b out h o w h e tr e ate d m e lik e I w as n o th in g. H ow h e g o t s h it - d og d ru nk h e w as s o mis e ra b le to b e s tu ck w it h m e. I th in k a b out h o w h e to ld m e I s m elle d lik e fe rtiliz e r. I t to ok m e th re e month s to s to p th in k in g a b out th at c o m ment.
"N o," I b lu rt o ut. " T hank y o u. B ut I r e ally c an't im agin e a nyth in g w ors e ." He n o ds, lo oks d ow n a t h is fe et. T hen h e g o es d ow n th e p orc h s te p s.
"I'm s o rry ," h e s a ys, th e d oor to h is c ar o pen. " T hat's w hat I c am e to s a y a nd , w ell, I g uess I s a id it ." I s ta nd o n th e p orc h, lis te nin g to th e h o llo w s o und s o f th e e venin g, g ra vel u nd er S tu art's s h if tin g fe et, dogs m ovin g in th e e arly d ark ness. F or a s e co nd , I r e m em ber C harle s G ra y, m y o nly k is s in a lif e tim e. H ow I 'd p ulle d a w ay, s o m eho w s u re th e k is s h ad n't b een in te nd ed fo r m e.
Stu art g ets in h is c ar a nd h is d oor c lic k s s h ut. H e p ro ps h is a rm u p s o h is e lb ow p okes th ro ugh th e open w in d ow . B ut h e k eep s h is e yes tu rn ed d ow n.
"J u st g iv e m e a m in ute ," I h o lle r o ut to h im . " L et m e g et m y s w eate r." NO O NE T ELLS u s, g ir ls w ho d on't g o o n d ate s, th at r e m em berin g c an b e a lm ost a s g o od a s w hat actu ally h ap pens. M oth er c lim bs a ll th e w ay to th e th ir d flo or a nd s ta nd s o ver m e in m y b ed , b ut I act lik e I 'm s till a sle ep . B ecause I ju st w ant to r e m em ber it a w hile .
We'd d riv en to th e R obert E . L ee fo r d in ner la st n ig ht. I 'd th ro w n o n a lig ht b lu e s w eate r a nd a s lim whit e s k ir t. I 'd e ven le t M oth er b ru sh o ut m y h air , tr y in g to d ro w n o ut h er n erv o us, c o m plic ate d in str u ctio ns.
"A nd d on't fo rg et to s m ile . M en d on't w ant a g ir l w ho 's m opin g a ro und a ll n ig ht, a nd d on't s it lik e so m e s q uaw I n d ia n, c ro ss y o ur- -" "W ait , m y le gs o r m y a nk --" "Y our a nk le s. D on't y o u r e m em ber a nyth in g fr o m M is su s R heim er's e tiq uette c la ss? A nd ju st g o ahead a nd lie a nd te ll h im y o u g o to c hurc h e very S und ay, a nd w hate ver y o u d o, d o n o t c ru nch y o ur ic e a t th e ta b le , it 's a w fu l. O h, a nd if th e c o nvers a tio n s ta rts to la g, y o u te ll h im a b out o ur s e co nd co usin w ho 's a c it y c o uncilm an in K osc iu sk o . . ." As s h e b ru sh ed a nd s m ooth ed a nd b ru sh ed a nd s m ooth ed , M oth er k ep t a sk in g h o w I 'd m et h im a nd what h ap pened o n o ur la st d ate , b ut I m anaged to s c o ot o ut fr o m u nd er h er a nd d ash d ow n th e sta ir s , s h ak in g w it h w ond er a nd n erv o usn ess o f m y o w n. B y th e tim e S tu art a nd I w alk ed in to th e ho te l a nd s a t d ow n a nd p ut o ur n ap kin s in o ur la p , th e w ait e r s a id th ey'd b e c lo sin g s o on. A ll th ey'd se rv e u s w as d esse rt.
Then S tu art h ad g o tte n q uie t.
"W hat . . . d o y o u w ant, S keete r? " h e'd a sk ed a nd I 'd s o rt o f te nse d u p th en, h o pin g h e w asn 't pla nnin g o n g ettin g d ru nk a gain .
"I'll h ave a C o-C ola . L ots o f ic e." "N o." H e s m ile d . " I m ean . . . in lif e . W hat d o y o u w ant? " I to ok a d eep b re ath , k no w in g w hat M oth er w ould a d vis e m e to s a y: fin e, s tr o ng k id s, a h usb and to ta k e c are o f, s h in y n ew a p plia nces to c o ok ta sty y et h ealt h fu l m eals in . " I w ant to b e a w rit e r," I s a id .
"A jo urn alis t. M ayb e a n o velis t. M ayb e b oth ." He lif te d h is c hin a nd lo oked a t m e th en, r ig ht in th e e ye.
"I lik e th at," h e s a id , a nd th en h e ju st k ep t s ta rin g. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out y o u. Y ou'r e s m art, yo u'r e p re tty , y o u'r e "- -h e s m ile d --"ta ll. " Pre tty ?
We a te s tr a w berry s o uffle s a nd h ad o ne g la ss o f C hab lis a p ie ce. H e ta lk ed a b out h o w to te ll if th ere 's o il u nd ern eath a c o tto n fie ld a nd I ta lk ed a b out h o w th e r e cep tio nis t a nd I w ere th e o nly fe m ale s w ork in g fo r th e p ap er.
"I h o pe y o u w rit e s o m eth in g r e ally g o od. S om eth in g y o u b elie ve in ." "T hank y o u. I . . . h o pe s o to o." I d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out A ib ile en o r M is su s S te in .
I h aven't h ad th e c hance to lo ok a t to o m any m en's fa ces u p c lo se a nd I n o tic ed h o w h is s k in w as th ic k er th an m in e a nd a g o rg eo us s h ad e o f to ast; th e s tif f b lo nd h air s o n h is c heek s a nd c hin s e em ed to b e g ro w in g b efo re m y e yes. H e s m elle d lik e s ta rc h. L ik e p in e. H is n o se w asn 't s o p oin ty a fte r a ll.
The w ait e r y aw ned in th e c o rn er b ut w e b oth ig no re d h im a nd s ta yed a nd ta lk ed s o m e m ore . A nd by th e tim e I w as w is h in g I 'd w ash ed m y h air th is m orn in g in ste ad o f ju st b ath ed a nd w as p ra ctic ally doub le d o ver w it h g ra te fu ln ess th at I 'd a t le ast b ru sh ed m y te eth , o ut o f th e b lu e, h e k is se d m e. R ig ht in th e m id dle o f th e R obert E . L ee H ote l R esta ura nt, h e k is se d m e s o s lo w ly w it h a n o pen m outh and e very s in gle th in g in m y b ody--m y s k in , m y c o lla rb one, th e h o llo w b ack s o f m y k nees, every th in g in sid e o f m e fille d u p w it h lig ht.
On a M ONDAY A FTER N OON, a fe w w eek s a fte r m y d ate w it h S tu art, I s to p b y th e lib ra ry befo re g o in g to th e L eague m eetin g. I n sid e, it s m ells lik e g ra d e s c ho ol- -b ore d om , p aste , L yso le d vo m it . I 'v e c o m e to g et m ore b ooks fo r A ib ile en a nd c heck if a nyth in g's e ver b een w rit te n a b out dom estic h elp .
"W ell h ey th ere , S keete r!" Je su s. I t's S usie P ern ell. I n h ig h s c ho ol, s h e c o uld 'v e b een v o te d m ost lik ely to ta lk to o m uch. " H ey .
. . S usie . W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?" "I'm w ork in g h ere fo r th e L eague c o m mit te e, r e m em ber? Y ou r e ally o ught to g et o n it , S keete r, it 's re al fu n! Y ou g et to r e ad a ll th e la te st m agazin es a nd file th in gs a nd e ven la m in ate th e lib ra ry c ard s." Susie p ose s b y th e g ia nt b ro w n m achin e lik e s h e's o n The P ric e I s R ig ht te le vis io n s h o w .
"H ow n ew a nd e xcit in g." "S o, w hat m ay I h elp y o u fin d to day, m a'a m ? W e h ave m urd er m yste rie s, r o m ance n o vels , h o w -to mak eup b ooks, h o w -to hair b ooks," s h e p ause s, je rk s o ut a s m ile , " ro se g ard enin g, h o m e deco ra tin g--" "I'm ju st b ro w sin g, th ank s." I h urry o ff. I 'll fe nd fo r m yse lf in th e s ta ck s. T here is n o w ay I c an te ll her w hat I 'm lo okin g fo r. I c an a lr e ad y h ear h er w his p erin g a t th e L eague m eetin gs, I k new t h ere was s o m eth in g n ot r ig ht a bout t h at S keete r P hela n, h untin g f o r t h ose N eg ro m ate ria ls ...
I s e arc h th ro ugh c ard c ata lo gues a nd s c an th e s h elv es, b ut fin d n o th in g a b out d om estic w ork ers . I n no nfic tio n, I s p ot a s in gle c o py o f Fre d eric k D ougla ss, a n A m eric a n S la ve.
I g ra b it , e xcit e d to deliv er it to A ib ile en, b ut w hen I o pen it , I s e e th e m id dle s e ctio n h as b een r ip ped o ut. I n sid e, so m eo ne h as w rit te n N IG GER B O OK in p urp le c ra yo n. I a m n o t a s d is tu rb ed b y th e w ord s a s b y th e fa ct th at th e h and w rit in g lo oks lik e a th ir d g ra d er's . I g la nce a ro und , p ush th e b ook in m y s a tc hel.
It s e em s b ette r th an p uttin g it b ack o n th e s h elf .
In th e M is sis sip pi H is to ry r o om , I s e arc h fo r a nyth in g r e m ote ly r e se m blin g r a ce r e la tio ns. I fin d o nly Civ il W ar b ooks, m ap s, a nd o ld p ho ne b ooks. I s ta nd o n tip to e to s e e w hat's o n th e h ig h s h elf .
That's w hen I s p ot a b ookle t, la id s id ew ays a cro ss th e to p o f th e Mis sis sip pi R iv er V alle y F lo od In dex .
A r e gula r- siz e d p ers o n w ould n ever h ave s e en it . I s lid e it d ow n to g la nce a t th e c o ver. T he bookle t is th in , p rin te d o n o nio nsk in p ap er, c urlin g, b ound w it h s ta p le s. " C om pila tio n o f J im C ro w Law s o f th e S outh ," th e c o ver r e ad s. I o pen th e n o is y c o ver p age.
The b ookle t is s im ply a lis t o f la w s s ta tin g w hat c o lo re d p eo ple c an a nd c anno t d o, in a n a sso rtm ent of S outh ern s ta te s. I s k im th e fir s t p age, p uzzle d w hy th is is h ere . T he la w s a re n eit h er th re ate nin g no r fr ie nd ly , ju st c it in g th e fa cts :
No p erso n s h all r e q uir e a ny w hit e f e m ale t o n urse in w ard s o r r o om s in w hic h n eg ro m en a re pla ced .
It s h all b e u nla w fu l f o r a w hit e p erso n t o m arry a nyo ne e x cep t a w hit e p erso n. A ny m arria ge in v io la tio n o f t h is s e ctio n s h all b e v oid .
No c o lo re d b arb er s h all s e rv e a s a b arb er t o w hit e w om en o r g ir ls .
The o ffic er in c h arg e s h all n ot b ury a ny c o lo re d p erso ns u pon g ro und u se d f o r t h e b uria l o f whit e p erso ns.
Books s h all n ot b e in te rc h angea ble b etw een t h e w hit e a nd c o lo re d s c h ools , b ut s h all c o ntin ue to b e u se d b y t h e r a ce f ir st u sin g t h em .
I r e ad th ro ugh fo ur o f th e tw enty -fiv e p ages, m esm eriz e d b y h o w m any la w s e xis t to s e p ara te u s.
Negro es a nd w hit e s a re n o t a llo w ed to s h are w ate r fo unta in s, m ovie h o use s, p ub lic r e str o om s, ballp ark s, p ho ne b ooth s, c ir c us s h o w s. N egro es c anno t u se th e s a m e p harm acy o r b uy p osta ge sta m ps a t th e s a m e w in d ow a s m e. I th in k a b out C onsta ntin e, th e tim e m y fa m ily to ok h er to Mem phis w it h u s a nd th e h ig hw ay h ad m ostly w ash ed o ut, b ut w e h ad to d riv e s tr a ig ht o n th ro ugh because w e k new th e h o te ls w ould n't le t h er in . I th in k a b out h o w n o o ne in th e c ar w ould c o m e o ut and s a y it . W e a ll k no w a b out th ese la w s, w e liv e h ere , b ut w e d on't ta lk a b out th em . T his is th e fir s t tim e I 'v e e ver s e en th em w rit te n d ow n.
Lunch c o unte rs , th e s ta te fa ir , p ool ta b le s, h o sp it a ls . N um ber fo rty -se ven I h ave to r e ad tw ic e, fo r it s ir o ny.
The B oard s h all m ain ta in a s e p ara te b uild in g o n s e p ara te g ro unds f o r t h e in str u ctio n o f a ll blin d p erso ns o f t h e c o lo re d r a ce.
Afte r s e vera l m in ute s, I m ak e m yse lf s to p. I s ta rt to p ut th e b ookle t b ack , te llin g m yse lf I 'm n o t writ in g a b ook a b out S outh ern le gis la tio n, th is is a w aste o f m y tim e. B ut th en I r e aliz e , lik e a s h ell cra ck in g o pen in m y h ead , th ere 's n o d if fe re nce b etw een th ese g o vern m ent la w s a nd H illy b uild in g Aib ile en a b ath ro om in th e g ara ge, e xcep t te n m in ute s' w orth o f s ig natu re s in th e s ta te c ap it a l.
On th e la st p age, I s e e th e p ic a ty p e th at r e ad s Pro perty o f M is sis sip pi L aw L ib ra ry.
T he b ookle t was r e tu rn ed to th e w ro ng b uild in g. I s c ra tc h m y r e vela tio n o n a p ie ce o f p ap er a nd tu ck it in sid e th e bookle t:
Jim C ro w o r H illy 's b ath ro om p la n--w hat's t h e d if fe re n ce?
I s lip it in m y b ag. S usie sn eeze s b ehin d th e d esk a cro ss th e r o om .
I h ead fo r th e d oors . I h ave a L eague m eetin g in th ir ty m in ute s. I g iv e S usie a n e xtr a fr ie nd ly s m ile .
She's w his p erin g in to th e p ho ne. T he s to le n b ooks in m y b ag fe el lik e th ey'r e p uls in g w it h h eat.
"S keete r," S usie h is se s fr o m th e d esk , e yes w id e. " D id I r e ally h ear yo u h ave b een s e ein g S tu art Whit w orth ?" S he p uts a b it to o m uch e m phasis o n th e yo u fo r m e to k eep u p m y s m ile . I a ct lik e I don't h ear h er a nd w alk o ut in to th e b rig ht s u nsh in e. I 'v e n ever s to le n a th in g in m y lif e b efo re to day.
I'm a lit tle s a tis fie d it w as o n S usie 's w atc h.
Our P LA CES O f C O M FO RT A RE e xp ecte d ly d if fe re nt, m y fr ie nd s a nd I . E liz a b eth 's is h unched over h er s e w in g m achin e tr y in g to m ak e h er lif e lo ok s e am le ss, s to re -b ought. M in e is a t m y ty p ew rit e r w rit in g p it h y th in gs I 'll n ever h ave th e g uts to s a y o ut lo ud . A nd H illy 's is b ehin d a p odiu m te llin g s ix ty -fiv e w om en th at th re e c ans a p ie ce is n 't e no ugh to fe ed a ll th o se P SC As. T he P oor Sta rv in g C hild re n o f A fr ic a, th at is . M ary J o lin e W alk er, h o w ever, th in k s th re e is p le nty .
"A nd is n 't it k in d o f e xp ensiv e, c artin g a ll th is tin a cro ss th e w orld to E th io pia ?" M ary J o lin e a sk s. "D oesn 't it m ak e m ore s e nse ju st to s e nd th em a c heck ?" The m eetin g h as n o t o ffic ia lly s ta rte d , b ut H illy 's a lr e ad y b ehin d h er p odiu m . T here 's a fr a ntic ness in her e yes. T his is n 't o ur n o rm al e venin g tim e, b ut a n e xtr a a fte rn o on s e ssio n H illy 's c alle d . I n J u ne, many o f th e m em bers a re g o in g o ut o f to w n fo r s u m mer v acatio ns. T hen, in J u ly , H illy le aves fo r h er annual tr ip d ow n to th e c o ast fo r th re e w eek s. I t's g o in g to b e h ard fo r h er to tr u st a n e ntir e to w n to opera te p ro perly w it h o ut h er h ere .
Hilly r o lls h er e yes. " Y ou c anno t g iv e th ese tr ib al p eo ple m oney, M ary J o lin e. T here is n o J it n ey 1 4 Gro cery in th e O gad en D ese rt. A nd h o w w ould w e k no w if th ey'r e e ven fe ed in g th eir k id s w it h it ?
They'r e lik ely to g o to th e lo cal v o odoo te nt a nd g et a s a ta nic ta tto o w it h o ur m oney." "A lr ig ht." M ary J o lin e te ete rs o ff, fla t- fa ced , b ra in w ash ed -lo okin g. " I g uess y o u k no w b est." I t is th is bug-e yed e ffe ct H illy h as o n p eo ple th at m ak es h er s u ch a s u ccessfu l L eague p re sid ent.
I m ak e m y w ay a cro ss th e c ro w ded m eetin g r o om , fe elin g th e w arm th o f a tte ntio n, a s if a b eam o f lig ht is s h in in g d ow n o n m y h ead . T he r o om is fu ll o f c ak e-e atin g, T ab -d rin k in g, c ig are tte -sm okin g wom en a ll a b out m y a ge. S om e a re w his p erin g to e ach o th er, g la ncin g m y w ay.
" Skeete r, " L iz a P re sle y s a ys b efo re I m ak e it p ast th e c o ffe e u rn s, " d id I h ear y o u w ere a t th e R obert E. L ee a fe w w eek s a go ?" "Is th at r ig ht? A re y o u r e ally s e ein g S tu art W hit w orth ?" s a ys F ra nces G re enb ow .
Most o f th e q uestio ns a re n o t u nk in d , n o t lik e S usie 's a t th e lib ra ry . S till, I s h ru g, tr y n o t to n o tic e ho w w hen a r e gula r g ir l g ets a sk ed o ut, it 's in fo rm atio n, b ut w hen S keete r P hela n g ets a sk ed o ut, it 's new s.
But it 's tr u e. I a m s e ein g S tu art W hit w orth a nd h ave b een fo r th re e w eek s n o w . T w ic e a t th e R obert E. L ee if y o u in clu d e th e d is a ste r d ate , a nd th re e m ore tim es s it tin g o n m y fr o nt p orc h fo r d rin k s befo re h e d ro ve h o m e to V ic k sb urg . M y fa th er e ven s ta yed u p p ast e ig ht o 'c lo ck to s p eak to h im .
"N ig ht, s o n. Y ou te ll th e S enato r w e s u re d o a p pre cia te h im s to m pin g o ut th at fa rm ta x b ill. " Moth er's b een tr e m blin g, to rn b etw een th e te rro r th at I 'll s c re w it u p a nd g le e th at I a ctu ally lik e men.
The w hit e s p otlig ht o f w ond er fo llo w s m e a s I m ak e m y w ay to H illy . G ir ls a re s m ilin g a nd n o ddin g at m e.
"W hen w ill y 'a ll s e e e ach o th er a gain ?" T his is E liz a b eth n o w , tw is tin g a n ap kin , e yes w id e lik e s h e's sta rin g a t a c ar a ccid ent. " D id h e s a y?" "T om orro w n ig ht. A s s o on a s h e c an d riv e o ver." "G ood." H illy 's s m ile is a fa t c hild 's a t th e S eale -L ily I c e C re am w in d ow . T he b utto n o n h er r e d su it c o at b ulg es. " W e'll m ak e it a d oub le d ate , th en." I d on't a nsw er. I d on't w ant H illy a nd W illia m c o m in g a lo ng. I ju st w ant to s it w it h S tu art, h ave h im lo ok a t m e a nd o nly m e. T w ic e, w hen w e w ere a lo ne, h e b ru sh ed m y h air b ack w hen it fe ll in m y eyes. H e m ig ht n o t b ru sh m y h air b ack if th ey'r e a ro und . "W illia m 'll te le p ho ne S tu art to nig ht. L et's g o to th e p ic tu re s h o w ." "A lr ig ht," I s ig h.
"I'm ju st d yin g to s e e It's a M ad, M ad, M ad, M ad W orld .
W on't th is b e fu n," H illy s a ys. " Y ou a nd me a nd W illia m a nd S tu art." It s tr ik es m e a s s u sp ic io us, th e w ay s h e's a rra nged th e n am es. A s if th e p oin t w ere fo r W illia m a nd Stu art to b e to geth er in ste ad o f m e a nd S tu art. I k no w I 'm b ein g p ara no id . B ut e very th in g m ak es m e wary n o w . T w o n ig hts a go , a s s o on a s I c ro sse d o ver th e c o lo re d b rid ge, I w as s to pped b y a polic em an. H e s h o ne h is fla sh lig ht in th e tr u ck , le t it s h in e o n th e s a tc hel. H e a sk ed fo r m y lic ense and w here I w as g o in g. " I'm ta k in g a c heck to m y m aid . . . C onsta ntin e. I fo rg o t to p ay h er." Ano th er c o p p ulle d u p , c am e to m y w in d ow . " W hy d id y o u s to p m e?" I a sk ed , m y v o ic e s o und in g ab out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " D id s o m eth in g h ap pen?" I a sk ed . M y h eart w as s la m min g a gain st m y chest. W hat if th ey lo oked in m y s a tc hel?
"S om e Y ank ee tr a sh s tir rin g u p tr o ub le . W e'll c atc h e m , m a'a m ," h e s a id , p attin g h is b illy c lu b . " D o yo ur b usin ess a nd g et b ack o ver th e b rid ge." When I g o t to A ib ile en's s tr e et, I p ark ed e ven fa rth er d ow n th e b lo ck . I w alk ed a ro und to h er b ack door in ste ad o f u sin g th e fr o nt. I s h o ok s o b ad fo r th e fir s t h o ur, I c o uld h ard ly r e ad th e q uestio ns I 'd writ te n fo r M in ny.
Hilly g iv es th e fiv e-m in ute -till b ang w it h h er g avel. I m ak e m y w ay to m y c hair , lu g m y s a tc hel o nto my la p . I tic k th ro ugh th e c o nte nts , s u d denly c o nsc io us o f th e J im C ro w b ookle t I s to le fr o m th e lib ra ry . I n fa ct, m y s a tc hel h o ld s a ll th e w ork w e'v e d one--A ib ile en a nd M in ny's in te rv ie w s, th e b ook outlin e, a lis t o f p ote ntia l m aid s, a s c ath in g, u nm aile d r e sp onse I w ro te to H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e-- every th in g I c an't le ave a t h o m e fo r fe ar M oth er w ill s n o op th ro ugh m y th in gs. I k eep it a ll in a s id e zip -p ock et w it h a fla p o ver it . I t b ulg es u nevenly .
"S keete r, th o se p oplin p ants a re ju st th e c ute st th in g, w hy h aven't I s e en th o se b efo re ?" C arro ll Rin ger s a ys a fe w c hair s a w ay a nd I lo ok u p a t h er a nd s m ile , th in k in g Beca use I w ould n't d are wea r o ld c lo th es t o a m eetin g a nd n eit h er w ould y o u.
C lo th in g q uestio ns ir rit a te m e a fte r s o many y ears o f M oth er h o und in g m e.
I fe el a h and o n m y o th er s h o uld er a nd tu rn to fin d H illy w it h h er fin ger in m y s a tc hel, r ig ht o n th e bookle t. " D o y o u h ave th e n o te s fo r n ext w eek 's n ew sle tte r? A re th ese th em ?" I h ad n't e ven s e en her c o m in g.
"N o, w ait ! " I s a y a nd e ase th e b ookle t b ack in to m y p ap ers . " I n eed to ... to c o rre ct o ne th in g. I 'll brin g th em to y o u a lit tle la te r." I ta k e a d eep b re ath .
At th e p odiu m , H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h, to yin g w it h th e g avel lik e s h e's ju st d yin g to b ang it . I p ush my s a tc hel u nd er m y c hair . F in ally , th e m eetin g b egin s.
I r e co rd th e P SC A n ew s, w ho 's o n th e tr o ub le lis t, w ho 's n o t b ro ught in th eir c ans. T he c ale nd ar o f events is fu ll o f c o m mit te e m eetin gs a nd b ab y s h o w ers , a nd I s h if t a ro und in m y w ooden c hair , ho pin g th e m eetin g w ill e nd s o on. I h ave to g et M oth er's c ar b ack to h er b y th re e.
It's n o t u ntil a q uarte r till, a n h o ur a nd a h alf la te r, th at I r u sh o ut o f th e h o t r o om to w ard th e C ad illa c.
I'll b e o n th e tr o ub le lis t fo r le avin g e arly , b ut J e su s C hris t, w hat's w ors e , th e w ra th o f M oth er o r th e wra th o f H illy ?
I W alk I N TO T H E H O USE fiv e m in ute s e arly , h um min g " L ove M e D o," th in k in g I o ught to g o b uy a s h o rt s k ir t lik e J e nny F oush ee w ore to day. S he s a id s h e'd g o tte n it u p in N ew Y ork C it y a t Berg d orf G oodm an's . M oth er w ould k eel o ver if I s h o w ed u p w it h a s k ir t a b ove th e k nee w hen Stu art p ic k s m e u p o n S atu rd ay.
"M am a, I 'm h o m e," I c all d ow n th e h allw ay.
I p ull a C o-C ola fr o m th e fr id ge, s ig h a nd s m ile , fe elin g g o od, s tr o ng. I h ead to th e fr o nt d oor fo r m y sa tc hel, r e ad y to th re ad to geth er m ore o f M in ny's s to rie s. I c an te ll s h e is it c hin g to ta lk a b out C elia Foote , b ut s h e a lw ays s to ps a fte r a m in ute o f it a nd c hanges th e s u b je ct. T he p ho ne r in gs a nd I answ er it , b ut it 's fo r P asc ago ula . I ta k e a m essa ge o n th e p ad . I t's Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid .
"H ey, Y ule M ay," I s a y, th in k in g w hat a s m all to w n th is is . " I'll g iv e h er th e m essa ge w hen s h e g ets back ." I le an a m in ute a gain st th e c o unte r, w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere lik e it u se d to b e. H ow I 'd lo ve to s h are e very s in gle th in g a b out m y d ay w it h h er.
I s ig h a nd fin is h m y C oke a nd th en g o to th e fr o nt d oor fo r m y s a tc hel. I t's n o t th ere . I g o o uts id e and lo ok in th e c ar b ut it 's n o t th ere e it h er.
Huh, I th in k a nd h ead u p th e s ta ir s , fe elin g le ss p in k n o w and m ore o f a p ale y ello w . D id I g o u p sta ir s y et? I s c o ur m y r o om , b ut it 's n o w here to b e fo und .
Fin ally , I s ta nd s till in m y q uie t b ed ro om , a s lo w tin gle o f p anic w ork in g it s w ay u p m y s p in e. T he sa tc hel, it h as ev ery th in g in it .
Moth er, I th in k a nd I d ash d ow nsta ir s a nd lo ok in th e r e la xin g r o om . B ut s u d denly I r e aliz e it 's n o t Moth er w ho h as it - -th e a nsw er h as c o m e to m e, n um bin g m y e ntir e b ody. I le ft m y s a tc hel a t th e League H ouse . I w as in s u ch a h urry to g et M oth er's c ar h o m e. A nd e ven a s th e p ho ne is r in gin g, I alr e ad y k no w it is H illy o n th e e nd o f th at lin e.
I g ra b th e p ho ne fr o m th e w all. M oth er c alls g o odbye fr o m th e fr o nt d oor.
"H ello ?" "H ow c o uld y o u le ave th is h eavy th in g b ehin d ?" H illy a sk s. H illy n ever h as h ad a p ro ble m w it h g o in g th ro ugh o th er p eo ple 's th in gs. I n fa ct, s h e e njo ys it .
"M oth er, w ait a s e co nd !" I h o lle r fr o m th e k it c hen.
"G ood L ord , S keete r, w hat's in h ere ?" H illy s a ys. I 'v e g o t to c atc h M oth er, b ut H illy 's v o ic e is muffle d , lik e s h e's b end in g d ow n, o penin g it .
"N oth in g! J u st . . . a ll th o se M is s M yrn a le tte rs , y o u k no w ." "W ell, I 'v e lu gged it b ack to m y h o use s o c o m e o n b y a nd g et it w hen y o u c an." Moth er is s ta rtin g th e c ar o uts id e. " J u st . . . k eep it th ere . I 'll b e b y a s s o on a s I c an g et th ere ." I r a ce o uts id e b ut M oth er's a lr e ad y d ow n th e la ne. I lo ok o ver a nd th e o ld tr u ck 's g o ne to o, to tin g co tto n s e ed s o m ew here in th e fie ld s. T he d re ad in m y s to m ach is fla t a nd h ard a nd h o t, lik e a b ric k in th e s u n.
Dow n b y th e r o ad , I w atc h th e C ad illa c s lo w , th en je rk to a s to p. T hen it g o es a gain . T hen s to ps.
Then s lo w ly r e vers e s a nd z ig za gs it s w ay b ack u p th e h ill. B y th e g ra ce o f a g o d I n ever r e ally lik ed , much le ss b elie ved in , m y m oth er is a ctu ally c o m in g back .
"I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t S ue A nne's c asse ro le d is h . . ." I ju m p in th e fr o nt p asse nger s e at, w ait u ntil s h e c lim bs b ack in to th e c ar. S he p uts h er h and s o n th e wheel.
"D riv e m e b y H illy 's ? I n eed to p ic k s o m eth in g u p ." I p re ss m y h and to m y fo re head . " O h G od, hurry , M oth er. B efo re I 'm to o la te ." Moth er's c ar h asn 't m oved . " S keete r, I h ave a m illio n th in gs to d o to day--" The p anic is r is in g u p in m y th ro at. " M am a, p le ase , ju st driv e . . ." But th e D eville s it s in th e g ra vel, tic k in g lik e a tim e b om b.
"N ow lo ok," M oth er s a ys, " I h ave s o m e p ers o nal e rra nd s to r u n a nd I ju st d on't th in k it 's a g o od tim e to h ave y o u ta ggin g a lo ng." "It'll ta k e y o u fiv e m in ute s. J u st d riv e, M am a!" Moth er k eep s h er w hit e -g lo ved h and s o n th e s te erin g w heel, h er lip s p re sse d to geth er.
"I h ap pen to h ave s o m eth in g c o nfid entia l a nd im porta nt to d o to day." I c an't im agin e m y m oth er h as a nyth in g m ore im porta nt to d o th an w hat I 'm s ta rin g d ow n th e th ro at of. " W hat? A M exic an's tr y in g to jo in th e D AR? S om eb ody g o t c aught r e ad in g th e New A m eric a n Dic tio nary ? " Moth er s ig hs, s a ys, " F in e," a nd m oves th e g ear s h if t c are fu lly in to d riv e. " A lr ig ht, h ere w e g o ." W e ro ll d ow n th e la ne a t a b out o ne-te nth o f a m ile a n h o ur, p uttin g a lo ng s o th e g ra vel w on't k no ck a t th e p ain t jo b. A t th e e nd o f th e la ne, s h e p uts o n h er b lin k er lik e s h e's d oin g b ra in s u rg ery a nd cre ep s th e C ad illa c o ut o nto th e C ounty R oad . M y fis ts a re c le nched . I p re ss m y im agin ary accele ra to r. E very tim e's M oth er's fir s t tim e to d riv e.
On th e C ounty R oad , s h e s p eed s u p to fif te en a nd g rip s th e w heel lik e w e'r e d oin g a h und re d a nd fiv e.
"M am a," I fin ally s a y, " ju st le t m e d riv e th e c ar." She s ig hs. I 'm s u rp ris e d th at s h e p ulls o ver in to th e ta ll g ra ss.
I g et o ut a nd r u n a ro und th e c ar w hile s h e s lid es o ver. I p ut th e c ar in D a nd p re ss it to s e venty , pra yin g, Ple a se , H illy , r e sis t t h e t e m pta tio n t o r u m mage t h ro ugh m y p erso nal b usin ess. . . .
"S o w hat's th e b ig s e cre t, w hat d o y o u h ave to d o to day?" I a sk .
"I'm . . . I 'm g o in g to s e e D octo r N eal fo r s o m e te sts . I t's ju st r o utin e, b ut I d on't w ant y o ur d ad dy to k no w . Y ou k no w h o w u p se t h e g ets e very tim e s o m eb ody g o es to th e d octo r." "W hat k in d o f te sts ? " "It's ju st a n io din e te st fo r m y u lc ers , s a m e a s I h ave e very y ear. D ro p m e a t th e B ap tis t a nd th en y o u can ta k e y o urs e lf to H illy 's . A t le ast I w on't h ave to w orry o ver p ark in g." I g la nce a t h er to s e e if th ere 's m ore to th is , b ut s h e's s it tin g s tr a ig ht a nd s ta rc hed in h er lig ht b lu e dre ss, h er le gs c ro sse d a t th e a nk le s. I d on't r e m em ber h er h avin g th ese te sts la st y ear. E ven w it h m e bein g u p a t s c ho ol, C onsta ntin e w ould 'v e w rit te n to m e a b out th em . M oth er m ust'v e k ep t th em se cre t.
Fiv e m in ute s la te r, a t th e B ap tis t H osp it a l, I c o m e a ro und a nd h elp h er o ut o f th e c ar.
"E ugenia , p le ase . J u st b ecause th is is a h o sp it a l d oesn 't m ean I 'm a n in valid ." I o pen th e g la ss d oor fo r h er a nd s h e w alk s in , h ead h eld h ig h.
"M oth er, d o y o u . . . w ant m e to c o m e w it h y o u?" I a sk , k no w in g I c an't - -I h ave to d eal w it h H illy , but s u d denly I d on't w ant to d ro p h er o ff h ere , lik e th is .
"It's ro utin e.
G o o n to H illy 's a nd c o m e b ack in a n h o ur." I w atc h h er g ro w s m alle r d ow n th e lo ng h all, c lu tc hin g h er h and bag, k no w in g I s h o uld tu rn a nd r u n.
But b efo re I d o, I w ond er a t h o w fr a il a nd in co nse q uentia l m y m oth er h as b eco m e. S he u se d to fill a ro om b y ju st b re ath in g a nd n o w th ere s e em s to b e . . . le ss o f h er. S he tu rn s a c o rn er a nd d is a p pears behin d th e p ale y ello w w alls . I w atc h a s e co nd lo nger b efo re I r u sh b ack to th e c ar.
A M IN UTE a nd a H alf L ATER , I 'm r in gin g H illy 's b ell. I f th ese w ere r e gula r tim es, I 'd ta lk to H illy ab out M am a. B ut I c an't d is tr a ct h er. I t is th e fir s t m om ent th at w ill te ll m e e very th in g. H illy is a n excep tio nal lia r, e xcep t fo r th e m om ent r ig ht b efo re s h e s p eak s.
Hilly o pens th e d oor. H er m outh is tig ht a nd r e d . I lo ok d ow n a t h er h and s. T hey a re k no tte d to geth er lik e r o pes. I 'v e a rriv ed to o la te .
"W ell, th at w as q uic k ," s h e s a ys a nd I fo llo w h er in sid e. M y h eart is s e iz in g in sid e m y c hest. I 'm n o t su re I 'm b re ath in g a t a ll.
"T here it is , th at u gly th in g. I h o pe y o u d on't m in d , I h ad to c heck s o m eth in g in th e m in ute s fr o m th e meetin g." I s ta re a t h er, m y b est fr ie nd , tr y in g to s e e ju st w hat s h e's r e ad in m y th in gs. B ut h er s m ile is pro fe ssio nal if n o t s p ark lin g. T he te llin g m om ents a re g o ne.
"C an I g et y o u s o m eth in g to s ip o n?" "N o, I 'm fin e." T hen I a d d, " W ant to h it b alls a t th e c lu b la te r? I t's s o g o rg eo us o ut." "W illia m 's g o t a c am paig n m eetin g a nd th en w e'r e g o in g to s e e It's a M ad, M ad, M ad, M ad W orld .
" I s tu d y h er. D id n't s h e a sk m e, ju st tw o h o urs a go , to d oub le -d ate to th is m ovie to m orro w n ig ht?
Slo w ly , I m ove d ow n to th e e nd o f th e d in in g ta b le , lik e s h e m ig ht p ounce o n m e if I m ove to o fa st.
She p ic k s u p a s te rlin g fo rk fr o m th e s id eb oard , th ru m s h er in d ex fin ger a lo ng th e tin es.
"Y es, u m , I h eard S pencer T ra cy's s u p pose d to b e d iv in e," I s a y. C asu ally , I tic k th ro ugh th e p ap ers in m y s a tc hel. A ib ile en a nd M in ny's n o te s a re s till tu ck ed d eep in th e s id e p ock et, th e fla p c lo se d , th e la tc h s n ap ped . B ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e is in th e o pen c ente r s e ctio n w it h th e p ap er w here I wro te Jim C ro w o r H illy 's b ath ro om p la n--w hat's t h e d if fe re n ce?
B esid es th is is th e d ra ft o f th e new sle tte r th at H illy h as e xam in ed a lr e ad y. B ut th e b ookle t- -th e la w s--I tic k th ro ugh a gain --th ey a re go ne.
Hilly tilt s h er h ead , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " Y ou k no w , I w as ju st th in k in g a b out h o w S tu art's dad dy s to od r ig ht n ext to R oss B arn ett w hen th ey fo ught th at c o lo re d b oy w alk in g in to O le M is s.
They'r e a w fu lly c lo se , S enato r W hit w orth a nd G overn o r B arn ett." I o pen m y m outh to s a y s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, b ut th en tw o-y ear- o ld W illia m , J r., to tte rs in .
"T here y o u a re ." H illy p ic k s h im u p , n uzzle s h is n eck . " Y ou a re p erfe ct, m y p erfe ct b oy!" s h e s a ys.
Willia m lo oks a t m e a nd s c re am s.
"W ell, e njo y th e p ic tu re s h o w ," I s a y, g o in g fo r th e fr o nt d oor.
"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. I w alk d ow n th e s te p s. F ro m h er d oorw ay, H illy w aves, fla p s W illia m 's h and bye-b ye. S he s la m s th e d oor b efo re I 'v e e ven m ad e it to m y c ar.
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 4 I B EEN I N S O M E te nse s it u atio ns, b ut to h ave M in ny o n o ne s id e a m y liv in g r o om a nd M is s S keete r o n th e o th er, a nd th e to pic a t h and b e w hat it fe el lik e b ein g N egro a nd w ork in g fo r a w hit e w om an. L aw , it 's a w ond er th ey h ad n't b een a in ju ry .
W e h ad s o m e c lo se c alls th o ugh.
L ik e la st w eek , w hen M is s S keete r s h o w ed m e M is s H illy 's r e aso ns w hy c o lo re d fo lk n eed th ey o w n b ath ro om .
" F eel lik e I 'm lo okin g a t s o m eth in g fr o m th e K KK," I s a id to M is s S keete r. W e w as in m y liv in g r o om a nd th e n ig hts h ad s ta rte d to g et w arm . M in ny'd g o ne in th e k it c hen to s ta nd in fr o nt a th e i c eb ox. M in ny d on't s to p s w eatin g b ut fo r fiv e m in ute s in J a nuary a nd m ayb e n o t e ven th en.
" H illy w ants m e to p rin t it in th e L eague n ew sle tte r," M is s S keete r s a id , s h ak in g h er h ead d is g uste d .
" I'm s o rry , I p ro bab ly s h o uld n't h ave s h o w n it to y o u. B ut th ere 's n o o ne e ls e I c an te ll. " A m in ute la te r, M in ny c o m e b ack fr o m th e k it c hen. I g ave M is s S keete r a lo ok, s o s h e s lid th e lis t u nd er h er n o te b ook. M in ny d id n't lo ok m uch c o ole r. F act, s h e lo oked h o tte r th an e ver.
" M in ny, d o y o u a nd L ero y e ver ta lk a b out c iv il r ig hts ? " M is s S keete r a sk . " W hen h e c o m es h o m e f r o m w ork ?" M in ny h ad th at b ig b ru is e o n h er a rm c ause th at's w hat L ero y d o w hen h e c o m e h o m e fr o m w ork .
H e p ush h er a ro und .
" N ope" w as a ll M in ny s a id . M in ny d o n o t lik e p eo ple u p in h er b usin ess.
" R eally ? H e d oesn 't s h are th e w ay h e fe els a b out th e m arc hes a nd th e s e gre gatio n? M ayb e a t w ork , h is b o--" " M ove o ff a L ero y." M in ny c ro sse d h er a rm s u p s o th at b ru is e w ould n't s h o w .
I g ave S keete r a n ud ge o n th e fo ot. B ut M is s S keete r, s h e h ad th at lo ok s h e g ets w hen s h e's a ll u p in s o m eth in g.
" A ib ile en, d on't y o u th in k it w ould b e in te re stin g if w e c o uld s h o w a lit tle o f th e h usb and s' p ers p ectiv e? M in ny, m ayb e--" M in ny s to od s o q uic k th e lig hts h ad e r a ttle d . " I a in 't d oin g th is n o m ore . Y ou m ak in g th is to o p ers o nal. I d on't c are a b out te llin g w hit e p eo ple h o w it fe el. " " M in ny, o kay, I 'm s o rry ," M is s S keete r s a id . " W e d on't h ave to ta lk a b out y o ur fa m ily ." " N o. I c hange m y m in d . Y ou fin d s o m eb ody e ls e to s p ill th e b eans." W e b een th ro ugh th is b efo re .
B ut th is tim e, M in ny s n atc hed u p h er p ock etb ook, g ra b bed h er fu nera l fa n th at fe ll u nd er th e c hair , a nd s a id , " I'm s o rry , A ib . B ut I ju st c an't d o th is n o m ore ." I g o t a p anic k y fe elin g th en. S he r e ally g o ne le ave. M in ny c an't q uit . S he th e o nly m aid b esid es m e who a gre ed to d o it .
So I le ant u p , s lip ped H illy 's p ie ce a p ap er o ut fr o m u nd er M is s S keete r's n o te b ook. M y fin gers sto pped r ig ht in fr o nt a M in ny.
She lo ok d ow n a t it . " W hat th at? " I p ut o n m y b la nk fa ce. S hru gged m y s h o uld ers . C ould n't a ct lik e I r e ally w ante d h er to r e ad it c ause th en s h e w ould n't .
Min ny p ic k ed it u p a nd s ta rte d s k im min g. P re tty s o on, I c o uld s e e a ll h er fr o nt te eth . B ut s h e w asn 't sm ilin g.
Then s h e lo oked a t M is s S keete r, lo ng a nd h eavy. S he s a id , " M ayb e w e k eep g o in g th en. B ut y o u sta y o ut a m y p ers o nal b usin ess, y o u h ear? " Mis s S keete r n o dded . S he le arn in g.
I M IX a E gg s a la d fo r M is s L eefo lt a nd B ab y G ir l's lu nch, p ut th em lit tle p ic k le s o n th e s id e to fa ncy it u p . M is s L eefo lt s e t a t th e k it c hen ta b le w it h M ae M oble y, s ta rt te llin g h er h o w th e b ab y's g o ne b e here in O cto ber, h o w s h e h o pe s h e d on't h ave to b e in th e h o sp it a l fo r th e O le M is s h o m eco m in g gam e, h o w s h e m ig ht h ave h er a lit tle s is te r o r a lit tle b ro th er a nd w ond er w hat th ey g o ne n am e it .
It's n ic e, s e ein g th em ta lk in g lik e th is . H alf th e m orn in g, M is s L eefo lt b een o n th e p ho ne w it h M is s Hilly g o ssip in g a b out s o m eth in g, h ard ly n o tic in g B ab y G ir l a t a ll. A nd o nce th e n ew b ab y c o m e, M ae Moble y a in 't g o ne g et s o m uch a s a s w at fr o m h er m am a.
Afte r lu nch, I ta k e B ab y G ir l o ut to th e b ack yard a nd fill u p th e g re en p la stic p ool. I t's a lr e ad y nin ety -fiv e d egre es o uts id e. M is sis sip pi g o t th e m ost u no rg aniz e d w eath er in th e n atio n. I n F eb ru ary , it 'll b e fif te en d egre es a nd y o u b e w is h in g s p rin g w ould c o m e o n, a nd th e n ext d ay it 's n in ety d egre es fo r th e n ext n in e m onth s.
The s u n s h in in g. M ae M oble y's s e ttin g in th e m id dle a th at p ool in b ath in g b otto m s. F ir s t th in g s h e d o is ta k e o ff th at to p. M is s L eefo lt c o m e o uts id e a nd s a y, " T hat lo oks lik e fu n! I 'm fix in g to c all H illy , te ll h er to b rin g H eath er a nd lit tle W ill o ver h ere ." And fo re I k no w it , a ll th re e k id s is p la yin g in th ere , s p la sh in g a ro und , h avin g a g o od o ld tim e.
Heath er, M is s H illy 's g ir l, s h e p re tty c ute . S he s ix m onth s o ld er th an M ae M oble y a nd M ae M oble y ju st lo ve h er. H eath er g o t d ark , s h in y c urls a ll o ver h er h ead a nd s o m e lit tle fr e ck le s, a nd s h e r e al ta lk ativ e. S he p re tty m uch ju st a s h o rt v ers io n a M is s H illy , o nly it lo ok b ette r o n a c hild . L it tle Willia m , J r., h e tw o. H e to w -h ead ed a nd h e d on't s a y n o th in g. J u st w ad dle a ro und lik e a d uck , fo llo w in g th em g ir ls to th e h ig h m onk ey g ra ss o n th e e d ge a th e y ard , to th e s w in gse t th at h it c h u p o n one s id e if y o u s w in g to o h ig h a nd s c are m e to d eath , a nd b ack in to th e b ab y p ool.
One th in g I g o t to s a y a b out M is s H illy , s h e lo ve h er c hild re n. A bout e very fiv e m in ute s, s h e k is s lit tle Will o n th e h ead . O r s h e a sk H eath er, is s h e h avin g fu n? O r c o m e h ere a nd g iv e M am a a h ug.
Alw ays te llin g h er s h e th e m ost b eautif u l g ir l in th e w orld . A nd H eath er lo ve h er m am a to o. S he lo ok at M is s H illy lik e s h e lo okin g u p a t th e S ta tu e a L ib erty . T hat k in d a lo ve a lw ays m ak e m e w ant a cry . E ven w hen it g o in g to M is s H illy . C ause it m ak es m e th in k a b out T re elo re , h o w m uch h e lo ve me. I a p pre cia te s e ein g a c hild a d orin g th ey m am a.
We g ro w n-u p s is s e ttin g in th e s h ad e a th e m agno lia tr e e w hile th e k id s p la y. I p ut a fe w fe et betw een m e a nd th e la d ie s s o it 's p ro per. T hey g o t to w els d ow n in th em b la ck ir o n c hair s th at g ets so h o t. I lik e to s it in th e p la stic g re en fo ld in g c hair . K eep m y le gs c o ol.
I w atc h M ae M oble y m ak e B arb ie D oll d o th e s k in ny d ip , ju m pin g o ff th e s id e a th e p ool. B ut I g o t my e ye o n th e la d ie s to o. I b een n o tic in g h o w M is s H illy a ct a ll s w eet a nd h ap py w hen s h e ta lk to Heath er a nd W illia m , b ut e ver tim e s h e tu rn to M is s L eefo lt , s h e g et a s n eer o n h er fa ce.
"A ib ile en, g et m e a lit tle m ore ic ed te a, w ould y o u, p le ase ?" H illy a sk . I g o a nd g et th e p it c her fr o m th e r e fr ig era to r.
"S ee, th at's w hat I d on't u nd ers ta nd ," I h ear M is s H illy s a y w hen I 'm c lo se e no ugh. " N obody w ants to s it d ow n o n a to ile t s e at th ey h ave to s h are w it h th em ." "It d oes m ak e s e nse ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, b ut th en s h e h ush u p w hen I c o m e o ver to fill u p th ey gla sse s.
"W hy, th ank y o u," M is s H illy s a y. T hen s h e g iv e m e a r e al p erp le xed lo ok, s a y, " A ib ile en, y o u lik e havin g y o ur o w n to ile t, d on't y o u?" "Y es m a'a m ." S he s till ta lk in g a b out th at p ot e ven th o ugh it 's b een in th ere s ix m onth s.
"S ep ara te b ut e q ual, " M is s H illy s a y b ack to M is s L eefo lt . " T hat's w hat G overn o r R oss B arn ett s a ys is r ig ht, a nd y o u c an't a rg ue w it h th e govern m en t ." Mis s L eefo lt c la p h er h and o n h er th ig h lik e s h e g o t th e m ost in te re stin g th in g to c hange th e s u b je ct to . I 'm w it h h er. L et's d is c uss s o m eth in g e ls e . " D id I te ll y o u w hat R ale ig h s a id th e o th er d ay?" But M is s H illy s h ak in g h er h ead . " A ib ile en, y o u w ould n't w ant to g o to a s c ho ol fu ll o f w hit e p eo ple , would y o u?" "N o m a'a m ," I m um ble . I g et u p a nd p ull th e p onyta il h o ld er o ut a B ab y G ir l's h ead . T hem g re en pla stic b alls g et a ll ta ngly w hen h er h air g et w et. B ut w hat I r e ally w ant to d o is p ut m y h and s u p over h er e ars s o s h e c an't h ear th is ta lk . A nd w ors e , h ear m e a gre ein g.
But th en I th in k : W hy? W hy I h ave to s ta nd h ere a nd a gre e w it h h er? A nd if M ae M oble y g o ne h ear it , s h e g o ne h ear s o m e s e nse . I g et m y b re ath . M y h eart b eatin g h ard . A nd I s a y p olit e a s I c an, "N ot a s c ho ol fu ll a ju st w hit e p eo ple . B ut w here th e c o lo re d a nd th e w hit e fo lk s is to geth er." Hilly a nd M is s L eefo lt b oth lo ok a t m e. I lo ok b ack d ow n a t th e k id s.
"B ut Aib ile en "- -M is s H illy s m ile r e al c o ld --"c o lo re d p eo ple a nd w hit e p eo ple a re ju st s o . . .
dif fe re n t ." S he w rin k le u p h er n o se .
I fe el m y lip c urlin g. A c o urs e w e d if fe re nt! E verb ody k no w c o lo re d p eo ple a nd w hit e p eo ple a in 't th e s a m e. B ut w e s till ju st p eo ple ! S ho ot, I e ven b een h earin g J e su s h ad c o lo re d s k in liv in g o ut th ere in th e d ese rt. I p re ss m y lip s to geth er.
It d on't m atte r th o ugh, c ause M is s H illy a lr e ad y m oved o n. A in 't n o th in g to h er. S he b ack to h er lo w -d ow n ta lk w it h M is s L eefo lt . O ut a n o w here , a b ig h eavy c lo ud c o ver th e s u n. I s p ec w e a b out to g et a s h o w er.
". . . g o vern m ent k no w s b est a nd if S keete r th in k s s h e's g o in g to g et a w ay w it h th is c o lo re d n o n--" "M am a! M am a! L ook a t m e!" h o lle r H eath er fr o m th e p ool. " L ook a t m y p ig ta ils !" "I s e e y o u! I d o! W hat w it h W illia m r u nnin g fo r o ffic e n ext- -" "M am a, g iv e m e y o ur c o m b! I w ant to d o b eauty p arlo r!" "- -c anno t h ave c o lo re d -su p portin g fr ie nd s in m y c lo se t- -" "M am aaaaa! G im me y o ur c o m b. G et y o ur c o m b fo r m e!" "I r e ad it . I fo und it in h er s a tc hel a nd I in te nd to ta k e a ctio n." And th en M is s H illy q uie t, h untin g fo r h er c o m b in h er p ock etb ook. T hund er b oom o ver in S outh Ja ck so n a nd w ay o ff w e h ear th e w ail a th e to rn ad o b ell. I 'm tr y in g to m ak e s e nse a w hat M is s H illy ju st s a id :
Mis s S keete r. H er s a tc h el. I r e a d it .
I g et th e k id s o ut th e p ool, s w ad dle e m u p in to w els . T he th und er c o m e c ra sh in g o ut th e s k y.
A M IN UTE A FTER d ark , I 'm s e ttin g a t m y k it c hen ta b le , tw ir lin g m y p encil. M y w hit e -lib ra ry c o py a Huck le b erry F in n 's in fr o nt a m e, b ut I c an't r e ad it . I g o t a b ad ta ste in m y m outh , b it te r, lik e co ffe e g ro und s in th e la st s ip . I n eed to ta lk to M is s S keete r.
I a in 't n ever c alle d h er h o use e xcep t tw o tim es c ause I h ad n o c ho ic e, w hen I to ld h er I 'd w ork o n th e s to rie s, a nd th en to te ll h er M in ny w ould to o. I k no w it 's r is k y. S till, I g et u p , p ut m y h and o n th e wall p ho ne. B ut w hat if h er m am a a nsw er, o r h er d ad dy? I b et th eir m aid g o ne h o m e h o urs a go .
How M is s S keete r g o ne e xp la in a c o lo re d w om an c allin g h er u p o n th e te le p ho ne?
I s e t b ack d ow n. M is s S keete r c o m e o ver h ere th re e d ays a go to ta lk to M in ny. S eem ed lik e everth in g w as fin e. N oth in g lik e w hen th e p olic e p ull h er o ver a fe w w eek s a go . S he d id n't s a y no th in g a b out M is s H illy .
I h uff in m y c hair a w hile , w is h in g th e p ho ne w ould r in g. I s h o ot u p a nd r a ce a c o ck ro ach a cro ss th e flo or w it h m y w ork sh o e. C ock ro ach w in . H e c ra w l u nd er th at g ro cery b ag a c lo th es M is s H illy g iv e me, b een s e ttin g th ere fo r m onth s.
I s ta re a t th e s a ck , s ta rt tw ir lin g th at p encil in m y h and a gain . I g o t to d o s o m eth in g w it h th at b ag. I 'm use d to la d ie s g iv in g m e c lo th es--g o t w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o, a in 't h ad to b uy m y o w n clo th es in th ir ty y ears . I t a lw ays ta k es a w hile till th ey fe el lik e m in e. W hen T re elo re w as a lit tle th in g, I p ut o n a o ld c o at fr o m s o m e la d y I 's w ait in g o n a nd T re elo re , h e lo ok a t m e fu nny, b ack a w ay. S ay I s m ell w hit e .
But th is b ag is d if fe re nt. E ven w hat w ould fit m e in th at p ap er s a ck , I c an't w ear. C an't g iv e to m y fr ie nd s e it h er. E ver p ie ce in th at b ag--th e c ulo tte p ants , th e s h ir t w it h th e P ete r P an c o lla r, th e p in k ja ck et w it h th e g ra vy s ta in o n it , e ven th e s o ck s--th ey a ll g o t th e le tte rs H.W .H .
s e w n in . R ed th re ad , pre tty lit tle c urs iv e le tte rs . I r e ck on Y ule M ay h ad to s e w th em le tte rs . W earin g th o se , I 'd fe el lik e I 's pers o nal- o w ned p ro perty a H illy W . H olb ro ok.
I g et u p a nd k ic k a t th e b ag, b ut th e c o ck ro ach d on't c o m e o ut. S o I ta k e o ut m y n o te b ook, in te nd in g to s ta rt o n m y p ra yers , b ut I 'm ju st to o d eep w orry in g a b out M is s H illy . W ond erin g w hat sh e m eant w hen s h e s a id Rea d it .
Afte r w hile , m y m in d d one d rif te d to w here I w is h it w ould n't . I r e ck on I k no w p re tty w ell w hat would h ap pen if th e w hit e la d ie s fo und o ut w e w as w rit in g a b out th em , te llin g th e tr u th a w hat th ey re ally lik e. W om ens, th ey a in 't lik e m en. A w om an a in 't g o ne b eat y o u w it h a s tic k . M is s H illy would n't p ull n o p is to l o n m e. M is s L eefo lt w ould n't c o m e b urn m y h o use d ow n.
No, w hit e w om ens lik e to k eep th ey h and s c le an. T hey g o t a s h in y lit tle s e t a to ols th ey u se , s h arp a s wit c hes' fin gern ails , tid y a nd la id o ut n eat, lik e th e p ic k s o n a d entis t tr a y. T hey g o ne ta k e th ey tim e wit h e m .
Fir s t th in g a w hit e la d y g o ne d o is fir e y o u. Y ou u p se t, b ut y o u fig ure y o u'll fin d a no th er jo b, w hen th in gs s e ttle d ow n, w hen th e w hit e la d y g et a ro und to fo rg ettin g. Y ou g o t a m onth a r e nt s a ved .
Peo ple b rin g y o u s q uash c asse ro le s.
But th en a w eek a fte r y o u lo st y o ur jo b, y o u g et th is lit tle y ello w e nvelo pe s tu ck in y o ur s c re en d oor.
Pap er in sid e s a y N OTIC E O f E V IC TIO N. E ver la nd lo rd in J a ck so n b e w hit e a nd e ver o ne g o t a whit e w if e th at's fr ie nd s w it h s o m eb ody. Y ou s ta rt to p anic s o m e th en. Y ou s till a in 't g o t n o jo b pro sp ects . E verw here y o u tr y , th e d oor s la m s in y o ur fa ce. A nd n o w y o u a in 't g o t a p la ce to liv e.
Then it s ta rts to c o m e a lit tle fa ste r.
If y o u g o t a n o te o n y o ur c ar, th ey g o ne r e p osse ss it .
If y o u g o t a p ark in g tic k et y o u a in 't p aid , y o u g o in g to ja il.
If y o u g o t a d aughte r, m ayb e y o u g o liv e w it h h er. S he te nd to a w hit e fa m ily a h er o w n. B ut a fe w days la te r s h e c o m e h o m e, s a y, " M am a? I ju st g o t fir e d ." S he lo ok h urt, s c are d . S he d on't und ers ta nd w hy. Y ou g o t to te ll h er it 's c ause a y o u.
Least h er h usb and s till w ork in g. L east th ey c an fe ed th e b ab y.
Then th ey fir e h er h usb and . J u st a no th er lit tle s h arp to ol, s h in y a nd fin e.
They b oth p oin tin g a t y o u, c ry in g, w ond erin g w hy y o u d one it . Y ou c an't e ven r e m em ber w hy. Week s p ass a nd n o th in g, n o jo bs, n o m oney, n o h o use . Y ou h o pe th is is th e e nd o f it , th at s h e d one eno ugh, s h e r e ad y to fo rg et.
It'll b e a k no ck o n th e d oor, la te a t n ig ht. I t w on't b e th e w hit e la d y a t th e d oor. S he d on't d o th at kin d a th in g h ers e lf . B ut w hile th e n ig htm are 's h ap penin g, th e b urn in g o r th e c uttin g o r th e b eatin g, yo u r e aliz e s o m eth in g y o u k no w n a ll y o ur lif e : th e w hit e la d y d on't ev er fo rg et.
And s h e a in 't g o ne s to p till y o u d ead .
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, M is s S keete r p ull h er C ad illa c u p in M is s L eefo lt 's d riv ew ay. I g o t r a w chic k en o n m y h and s a nd a fla m e o n th e s to veto p a nd M ae M oble y w hin in g c ause s h e s ta rv in g to death b ut I c an't s ta nd it a no th er s e co nd . I w alk in th e d in in g r o om w it h m y d ir ty h and s u p in th e a ir .
Mis s S keete r, s h e a sk in g M is s L eefo lt a b out a lis t a g ir ls w ho s e rv in g o n a c o m mit te e a nd M is s Leefo lt s a y, " T he h ead o f th e c up cak e c o m mit te e is E ile en," a nd M is s S keete r s a y, " B ut th e c up cak e co m mit te e c hair m an is R oxanne," a nd M is s L eefo lt s a y, " N o, th e c up cak e c o -c hair is R oxanne a nd Eile en is th e c up cak e h ead ," a nd I 'm g ettin g s o p eck erta te d o ver th is c up cak e ta lk I w ant to p oke Mis s S keete r w it h m y r a w -c hic k en fin ger b ut I k no w b ette r th an to in te rru p t s o I d on't . T here a in 't no ta lk a t a ll a b out th e s a tc hel.
Befo re I k no w it , M is s S keete r o ut th e d oor.
Law .
That n ig ht a fte r s u p per, m e a nd th at c o ck ro ach s ta re e ach o th er d ow n a cro ss th e k it c hen flo or. H e big , in ch, in ch a n a h alf . H e b la ck . B la ck er th an m e. H e m ak in g a c ra ck lin g s o und w it h h is w in gs. I go t m y s h o e in m y h and .
The p ho ne r in g a nd w e b oth ju m p.
"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y a nd I h ear a d oor s h ut. " S orry to c all s o la te ." I b re ath e o ut. " I'm g la d y o u d id ." "I w as ju st c allin g to s e e if y o u h ad a ny... w ord . F ro m a ny o th er m aid s, I m ean." Mis s S keete r s o und s tr a nge. T ig ht in th e ja w . L ate ly , s h e b een g lo w in g lik e a fir e fly s h e s o in lo ve.
My h eart s ta rt d ru m min g. S till, I d on't ju m p r ig ht in w it h m y q uestio ns. I a in 't s u re w hy.
"I a sk ed C orrin e w ho w ork a t th e C oole ys. S he s a y n o . T hen R ho nd a, a nd R ho nd a's s is te r w ho wait o n th e M ille rs ... b ut b oth a th em s a y n o to o." "W hat a b out Y ule M ay? H ave y o u . . . ta lk ed to h er r e cently ?" I w ond er th en if th at's w hy M is s S keete r a ctin g s tr a nge. S ee, I to ld M is s S keete r a fib . I to ld h er a month a go I a sk ed Y ule M ay, b ut I d id n't . I t's n o t ju st th at I d on't k no w Y ule M ay w ell. I t's th at s h e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok's m aid , a nd a nyth in g h avin g to d o w it h th at n am e m ak e m e n erv o us.
"N ot r e al r e cent. M ayb e . . . I tr y h er a gain ," I lie , h atin g it . Then I g et b ack to jig glin g m y p encil. R ead y to te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .
"A ib ile en," M is s S keete r v o ic e g o ne a ll s h ak y, " I h ave to te ll y o u s o m eth in g." Mis s S keete r g et q uie t a nd it 's lik e th em e erie s e co nd s b efo re a fu nnel c lo ud d ro p.
"W hat h ap pen, M is s S keete r? " "I . . . le ft m y s a tc hel. A t th e L eague. H illy p ic k ed it u p ." I s q uin t m y e yes, fe el lik e I a in 't h earin g to o g o od. " T he r e d o ne?" She d on't r e p ly .
"A w . . .
Law .
" T his a ll s ta rtin g to m ak e a s ic k s e nse .
"T he s to rie s w ere in a fla p p ock et. O n th e s id e, in a no th er fo ld er. I th in k a ll s h e s a w w ere J im C ro w la w s, s o m e . . . b ookle t I 'd p ic k ed u p a t th e lib ra ry b ut . . . I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." "O h M is s Skeete r ," I s a y a nd s h ut m y e yes. G od h elp m e, G od h elp Min ny . . .
"I k no w . I know ," M is s S keete r s a y a nd s ta rt to c ry in to th e p ho ne.
"A lr ig ht. A lr ig ht, n o w ." I tr y to m ak e m yse lf s w allo w m y a nger d ow n. I t w as a a ccid ent, I te ll m yse lf .
Kic k in g h er a in 't g o ne d o u s n o g o od.
But still.
"A ib ile en, I a m s o so s o rry ." There 's a fe w s e co nd s a n o th in g b ut h eart- p um pin g. R eal s lo w a nd s c ary , m y b ra in s ta rt tic k in g th ro ugh th e fe w fa cts s h e g iv en m e, w hat I k no w m yse lf .
"H ow lo ng a go th is h ap pen?" I a sk .
"T hre e d ays a go . I w ante d to fin d o ut w hat s h e k new b efo re I to ld y o u." "Y ou ta lk ed to M is s H illy ?" "J u st fo r a s e co nd w hen I p ic k ed it u p . B ut I 'v e ta lk ed to E liz a b eth a nd L ou A nne a nd p ro bab ly fo ur oth er g ir ls w ho k no w H illy . N obody's s a id a nyth in g a b out it . T hat w as... th at w as w hy I a sk ed a b out Yule M ay," s h e s a y. " I w as w ond erin g if s h e'd h eard a nyth in g a t w ork ." I d ra w in a b re ath , h atin g w hat I h ave to te ll h er. " I h eard it . Y este rd ay. M is s H illy w as ta lk in g to Mis s L eefo lt a b out it ." Mis s S keete r d on't s a y n o th in g. I fe el lik e I 'm w ait in g fo r a b ric k to c o m e s la m min g th ro ugh m y win d ow .
"S he ta lk in g a b out M is te r H olb ro ok r u nnin g fo r o ffic e a nd h o w y o u s u p portin g c o lo re d p eo ple a nd sh e s a y . . . s h e r e ad s o m eth in g." S ayin g it o ut lo ud n o w , I 'm s h ak in g. A nd s till b obbin g th e p encil betw een m y fin gers .
"D id s h e s a y a nyth in g a b out m aid s? " M is s S keete r a sk . " I m ean, w as s h e o nly u p se t w it h m e o r d id sh e m entio n y o u o r M in ny?" "N o, ju st . . . y o u." "O kay." M is s S keete r b lo w a ir in to th e p ho ne. S he s o und u p se t, b ut s h e d on't k no w w hat c o uld hap pen to m e, to M in ny. S he d on't k no w a b out th em s h arp , s h in y u te nsils a w hit e la d y u se . A bout th at k no ck o n th e d oor, la te a t n ig ht. T hat th ere a re w hit e m en o ut th ere hungry to h ear a b out a co lo re d p ers o n c ro ssin g w hit e s, r e ad y w it h th ey w ooden b ats , m atc hstic k s. A ny lit tle th in g'll d o.
"I- I c an't s a y a h und re d p erc ent, b ut . . ." M is s S keete r s a y, " if H illy k new a nyth in g a b out th e b ook or y o u o r esp ecia lly M in ny, s h e'd b e s p re ad in g it a ll o ver to w n." I th in k o n th is , w antin g s o h ard to b elie ve h er. " It's tr u e, s h e d o n o t lik e M in ny J a ck so n." "A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, a nd I h ear h er s ta rt to b re ak d ow n a gain . T hat c alm -d ow n in h er v o ic e is c ra ck in g. " W e c an s to p. I u nd ers ta nd c o m ple te ly if y o u w ant to s to p w ork in g o n it ." If I s a y I d on't w ant a d o it a nym ore , th en e verth in g I b een w rit in g a nd s till h ave to w rit e a in 't g o ne get to b e s a id .
No, I th in k . I don't w ant a s to p. I 'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w lo ud I th in k it .
"If M is s H illy k no w , s h e k no w ," I s a y. " S to ppin g a in 't g o ne s a ve u s n o w ." I D O N'T S EE, h ear, o r s m ell M is s H illy fo r tw o d ays. E ven w hen I a in 't h o ld in g a p encil, m y fin gers is jig glin g it , in m y p ock et, o n th e k it c hen c o unte r, th um pin g lik e d ru m stic k s. I g o t to fin d o ut w hat's in sid e M is s H illy 's h ead .
Mis s L eefo lt le ave Y ule M ay th re e m essa ges fo r M is s H illy , b ut s h e a lw ays a t M is te r H olb ro ok's offic e--th e " c am paig n H .Q ." is w hat M is s H illy b een c allin g it . M is s L eefo lt s ig h, h ang u p th e p ho ne lik e s h e ju st d on't k no w h o w h er b ra in g o ne o pera te w it h o ut M is s H illy c o m in g o ver to p ush th e Thin k b utto ns. T en tim es B ab y G ir l a sk w hen lit tle H eath er g o ne c o m e p la y in th e p la stic p ool a gain .
I r e ck on th ey'll b e g o od fr ie nd s g ro w in g u p , w it h M is s H illy te achin g th em b oth h o w th in gs is . B y th at a fte rn o on, w e a ll w and erin g a ro und th e h o use , jig glin g o ur fin gers , w ond erin g w hen M is s H illy go ne s h o w u p a gain .
Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt g o to th e m ate ria l s to re . S ay s h e g o ne m ak e a c o ver fo r s o m eth in g. S he don't k no w w hat. M ae M oble y lo ok a t m e a nd I r e ck on w e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: th at w om an'd co ver u s b oth u p if s h e c o uld .
I H AV E T O W ORK R EA L L ATE th at e venin g. I fe ed B ab y G ir l s u p per a nd p ut h er to b ed , c ause Mis te r a nd M is s L eefo lt g o ne to s e e a p ic tu re a t th e L am ar. M is te r L eefo lt p ro m is e h e ta k e h er a nd sh e h o ld h im to it , e ven th o ugh it 's o nly th e la te s h o w le ft. W hen th ey g et h o m e, th ey y aw nin g, cric k ets is c ric k in g. O th er h o use s, I 'd s le ep in th e m aid 's r o om , b ut th ey a in 't o ne h ere . I k in d a h ang aro und th in k in g M is te r L eefo lt g o ne o ffe r to d riv e m e h o m e, b ut h e ju st g o r ig ht to b ed .
Outs id e, in th e d ark , I w alk a ll th e w ay u p to R iv ers id e, a b out te n m in ute s a w ay, w here th ey r u n a la te b us fo r th e n ig httim e w ate r- p la nt w ork ers . T he b re eze is g o od e no ugh k eep th e m osq uit o es o ff.
I s it o n th e e d ge a th e p ark , in th e g ra ss u nd er th e s tr e etlig ht. B us c o m e a fte r w hile . A in 't b ut fo ur peo ple o n th ere , tw o c o lo re d , tw o w hit e , a ll m ens. I d on't k no w a ny o f e m . I ta k e a w in d ow s e at behin d a th in c o lo re d fe lla . H e g o t o n a b ro w n s u it a nd a b ro w n h at, b e a b out m y a ge.
We c ro ss th e b rid ge, h ead in th e d ir e ctio n a th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l, w here th e b us m ak e it s tu rn . I g o t my p ra yer b ook o ut s o I c an w rit e s o m e th in gs d ow n. I c o ncentr a te o n M ae M oble y, tr y to k eep m y min d o ff M is s H illy .
Show m e h ow t o t e a ch B aby G ir l t o b e k in d, t o lo ve h erse lf ; t o lo ve o th ers, while I g ot t im e w it h h er...
I lo ok u p . T he b us d one s to pped in th e m id dle a th e r o ad . I le an o ver in to th e a is le , s e e a fe w b lo ck s up th ey's b lu e lig hts fla sh in g in th e d ark , p eo ple s ta nd in g a ro und , a r o ad b lo ck .
Whit e d riv er s ta re a head . H e tu rn o ff th e m oto r a nd m y s e at g o s till, fe el s tr a nge. H e s tr a ig hte n h is driv er's h at, h o p o ut th e s e at. " Y 'a ll s ta y p ut. L et m e fin d o ut w hat's g o in g o n." So w e a ll s e t th ere in th e q uie t, w ait in g. I h ear a d og b ark in g, n o t a h o use d og, b ut th e k in d th at so und lik e h e y ellin g a t y o u. A fte r a fu ll fiv e m in ute s, d riv er g et b ack o n th e b us, s ta rt th e m oto r again . H e to ot h is h o rn , w ave h is h and o ut th e w in d ow , a nd s ta rt b ack in g u p r e al s lo w .
"W ha h ap pen u p th ere ?" c o lo re d m an in fr o nt a m e c all to th e d riv er.
Driv er d on't a nsw er. H e k eep b ack in g u p . T he fla sh in g lig hts is g ettin g s m alle r, th e d og b ark in g fa d in g o ff. D riv er tu rn th e b us a ro und o n F aris h S tr e et. A t th e n ext c o rn er, h e s to p. " C olo re d p eo ple off, la st s to p fo r y o u," h e h o lle r in th e r e arv ie w . " W hit e p eo ple le m me k no w w here y 'a ll n eed to g et to . I 'll g et y o u c lo se a s I c an." The c o lo re d m an lo ok b ack a t m e. I g uess w e b oth a in 't g o t a g o od fe elin g. H e s ta nd u p s o I d o to o.
I fo llo w h im to th e fr o nt d oor. I t's e erie q uie t, ju st th e s o und a o ur fe ets .
Whit e m an le an u p to th e d riv er, s a y, " W hat's g o in g o n?" I fo llo w th e c o lo re d m an d ow n th e s te p s a th e b us. B ehin d m e, I h ear th e d riv er s a y, " I d on't k no w , so m e n ig ger g o t s h o t. W here y o u h ead ed ?" The d oor s w is h c lo se d . O h L aw , I th in k , p le ase d on't le t th is b e a ny a m y p eo ple s.
Ain 't a s o und o n F aris h S tr e et, o r a p ers o n, c ep t u s tw o. T he m an lo ok a t m e. " Y ou a lr ig ht? Y ou clo se to h o m e?" "I b e a lr ig ht. I 'm c lo se ." M y h o use is s e ven b lo ck s fr o m h ere .
"W ant m e to w alk y o u?" I k in d a d o, b ut I s h ak e m y h ead . " N aw , th ank y o u. I b e fin e." A n ew s tr u ck w hiz b y, w ay d ow n a t th e in te rs e ctio n th e b us tu rn ed o ff o f. B ig W LB T-T V le tte rs o n th e s id e.
"L aw , I h o pe th is a in 't a s b ad a s it - -" b ut th e m an g o ne. T hey a in 't a s o ul n o w b ut m e. I g et th at fe elin g p eo ple ta lk a b out, r ig ht b efo re th ey g et m ugged . I n tw o s e co nd s, m y s to ck in gs is r u b bin g to geth er s o fa st I s o und lik e z ip pers z ip pin g. U p a head I s e e th re e p eo ple w alk in g fa st lik e m e. A ll o f em tu rn o ff, g o in to h o use s, s h ut th e d oor.
I'm r e al s u re I d on't w ant to b e a lo ne a no th er s e co nd . I c ut b etw een M ule C ato 's h o use a nd th e back a th e a uto r e p air , th en th ro ugh O ney B la ck 's y ard , tr ip o n a h o se -p ip e in th e d ark . I fe el lik e a burg la r. C an s e e lig hts o n in sid e th e h o use s, h ead s b ent d ow n, lig hts th at s h o uld b e o ff th is tim e a nig ht. W hate ver g o in g o n, e verb ody e it h er ta lk in g a b out it o r lis te nin g to it .
Fin ally , u p a head I s e e M in ny's k it c hen lig ht, b ack d oor o pen, s c re en d oor c lo se d . T he d oor m ak e a whin e w hen I p ush it . M in ny s e ttin g a t th e ta b le w it h a ll fiv e k id s: L ero y J u nio r, S ugar, F elic ia , Kin d ra , a nd B enny. I g uess L ero y S enio r g o ne to w ork . T hey a ll s ta rin g a t th e b ig r a d io in th e mid dle a th e ta b le . A w ave a s ta tic c o m e in w it h m e.
"W hat is it ? " I s a y. M in ny fr o w n, fid dle w it h th e d ia l. I n a s e co nd I ta k e in th e r o om : a h am s lic e curle d a nd r e d in a s k ille t. A tin c an o n th e c o unte r, lid o pen. D ir ty p la te s in th e s in k . A in 't M in ny's kit c hen a t a ll.
"W hat h ap pen?" I a sk a gain .
The r a d io m an c o m e in to tu ne, h o lle rin g, " - - alm ost t e n y ea rs s e rv in g a s t h e F ie ld S ecre ta ry f o r th e N -d ouble -A -C -P . S till n o w ord f ro m t h e h osp it a l b ut w ounds a re s a id t o b e--" " Who?
" I s a y.
Min ny s ta re a t m e lik e I a in 't g o t m y h ead o n. " M ed gar E vers . W here y o u b een?" "M ed gar E vers ? W hat h ap pen?" I m et M yrlie E vers , h is w if e , la st fa ll, w hen s h e v is it o ur c hurc h w it h Mary B one's fa m ily . S he w ore th is s m art r e d -a nd -b la ck s c arf tie d o n h er n eck . I r e m em ber h o w s h e lo oked m e in th e e ye, s m ile d lik e s h e w as r e al g la d to m eet m e. M ed gar E vers lik e a c ele b rit y aro und h ere , b ein g s o h ig h in th e N AACP.
"S et d ow n," M in ny s a y. I s e t in a w ooden c hair . T hey a ll g ho st- fa ced , s ta rin g a t th e r a d io . I t's a b out half th e s iz e o f a c ar e ngin e, w ood, fo ur k no bs o n it . E ven K in d ra q uie t in S ugar's la p .
"K KK s h o t h im . F ro nt a h is h o use . A h o ur a go ." I fe el a p ric k le c re ep u p m y s p in e. " W here h e liv e?" "O n G uynes," M in ny s a y. " T he d octo rs g o t h im a t o ur h o sp it a l. " "I . . . s a w ," I s a y, th in k in g a th e b us. G uynes a in 't b ut fiv e m in ute s a w ay fr o m h ere if y o u g o t a c ar.
". . . w it n esse s s a y it w as a s in gle m an, a w hit e m ale , w ho j u m ped f ro m t h e b ush es. R um ors o f KKK in volv em en t a re . . ." Now th ey's s o m e u no rg aniz e d ta lk in g o n th e r a d io , s o m e p eo ple y ellin g, s o m e fu m blin g r o und . I te nse u p lik e s o m eb ody w atc hin g u s fr o m o uts id e. S om eb ody w hit e . T he K KK w as h ere , fiv e min ute s a w ay, to h unt d ow n a c o lo re d m an. I w ant a c lo se th at b ack d oor.
"I w as j u st in fo rm ed ," th e a nno uncer s a y, p antin g, "th at M ed gar E vers is d ea d." "M ed gar E vers," h e s o und lik e h e g ettin g p ush ed a ro und , v o ic es r o und h im , "I w as j u st t o ld . H as die d ." Oh Law .
Min ny tu rn to L ero y J u nio r. H er v o ic e lo w , s te ad y.
"T ak e y o ur b ro th ers a nd y o ur s is te rs in th e b ed ro om . G et in b ed . A nd s ta y b ack th ere ." I t a lw ays so und s c arie r w hen a h o lle re r ta lk s o ft.
Even th o ugh I k no w L ero y J u nio r w ant a s ta y, h e g iv e e m a lo ok a nd th ey a ll d is a p pear, q uie t, q uic k .
The r a d io m an g o q uie t to o. F or a s e co nd , th at b ox n o th in g b ut b ro w n w ood a nd w ir e s.
"M ed gar Evers," h e s a y, h is v o ic e s o und lik e it 's r o llin g b ack w ard s, "N AAC P F ie ld S ecre ta ry, is d ea d." H e sig h.
"M ed gar E vers is d ea d." I s w allo w b ack a m outh fu l a s p it a nd s ta re a t M in ny's w allp ain t th at's g o ne y ello w w it h b aco n gre ase , b ab y h and s, L ero y's P all M alls . N o p ic tu re s o r c ale nd ars o n M in ny's w alls . I 'm tr y in g n o t to th in k . I d on't w ant a th in k a b out a c o lo re d m an d yin g. I t'll m ak e m e r e m em ber T re elo re .
Min ny's h and s is in fis ts . S he g rit tin g h er te eth . " S ho t h im r ig ht in fr o nt a h is ch ild re n , A ib ile en." "W e g o ne p ra y fo r th e E vers e s, w e g o ne p ra y fo r M yrlie . . ." b ut it ju st s o und s o e m pty , s o I s to p.
"R ad io s a y h is fa m ily r u n o ut th e h o use w hen th ey h eard th e s h o ts . S ay h e b lo ody, s tu m blin g r o und , all th e k id s w it h b lo od a ll o ver e m . . ." S he s la p h er h and o n th e ta b le , r a ttlin g th e w ood r a d io .
I h o ld m y b re ath , b ut I fe el d iz zy. I g o t to b e th e o ne w ho 's s tr o ng. I g o t to k eep m y fr ie nd h ere fr o m lo sin g it .
"T hin gs a in 't n ever g o ne c hange in th is to w n, A ib ile en. W e liv in g in h ell, w e tr a pped .
O ur kid s is tr a p ped ." Rad io m an g et lo ud a gain , s a y, " . . . p olic em en e v ery w here , b lo ck in g t h e r o ad. M ayo r T hom pso n is e x pecte d t o h old a p re ss c o nfe re n ce s h ortly -- " I c ho ke th en. T he te ars r o ll d ow n. I t's a ll th em w hit e p eo ple s th at b re ak s m e, s ta nd in g a ro und th e co lo re d n eig hb orh o od. W hit e p eo ple s w it h g uns, p oin te d a t c o lo re d p eo ple s. C ause w ho g o ne pro te ct o ur p eo ple s? A in 't n o c o lo re d p olic em ans.
Min ny s ta re a t th e d oor th e k id s w ent th ro ugh. S w eat's d rillin g d ow n th e s id es a h er fa ce.
"W hat th ey g o ne d o to u s, A ib ile en? I f th ey c atc h u s . . ." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . S he ta lk in g a b out th e s to rie s. " W e b oth k no w . I t b e b ad ." "B ut w hat w ould th ey d o? H it c h u s to a p ic k up a nd d ra g u s b ehin d ? S ho ot m e in m y y ard fr o nt a m y kid s? O r ju st s ta rv e u s to d eath ?" Mayo r T ho m pso n c o m e o n th e r a d io , s a y h o w s o rry h e is fo r th e E vers fa m ily . I lo ok a t th e o pen back d oor a nd g et th at w atc hed fe elin g a gain , w it h a w hit e m an's v o ic e in th e r o om .
"T his a in 't . . . w e a in 't d oin g c iv il r ig hts h ere . W e ju st te llin g s to rie s lik e th ey r e ally h ap pen." I tu rn o ff th e r a d io , ta k e M in ny's h and in m in e. W e s e t lik e th at, M in ny s ta rin g a t th e b ro w n m oth pre sse d u p o n th e w all, m e s ta rin g a t th at fla p a r e d m eat, le ft d ry in th e p an.
Min ny g o t th e m ost lo neso m e lo ok in h er e yes. " I w is h L ero y w as h o m e," s h e w his p er.
I d oub t if th em w ord s e ver b een s a id in th is h o use b efo re .
FO R D AY S a nd D AY S, J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi's lik e a p ot a b oilin g w ate r. O n M is s L eefo lt 's te e- vee, flo ck s a c o lo re d p eo ple m arc h u p H ig h S tr e et th e d ay a fte r M is te r E vers ' fu nera l. T hre e hund re d a rre ste d . C olo re d p ap er s a y th o usa nd s a p eo ple c am e to th e s e rv ic e, b ut y o u c o uld c o unt th e w hit e s o n o ne h and . T he p olic e k no w w ho d id it , b ut th ey a in 't te llin g n o body h is n am e.
I c o m e to fin d th at th e E vers fa m ily a in 't b ury in g M ed gar in M is sis sip pi. H is b ody's g o in g to Wash in gto n, to th e A rlin gto n C em ete ry , a nd I r e ck on M yrlie r e al p ro ud a th at. S he s h o uld b e. B ut I'd w ant h im h ere , c lo se b y. I n th e n ew sp ap er, I r e ad h o w e ven th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s te llin g M ayo r T ho m pso n h e n eed to d o b ette r. P ut a c o m mit te e to geth er w it h b la ck s a nd w hit e s a nd work th in gs o ut d ow n h ere . B ut M ayo r T ho m pso n, h e s a y--to Pre sid en t K en ned y --"I a m n o t g o in g to a p poin t a b i- ra cia l c o m mit te e. L et's n o t k id o urs e lv es. I b elie ve in th e s e p ara tio n o f th e r a ces, a nd th at's th e w ay it 's g o in g to b e." Few d ays la te r, th e m ayo r c o m e o n th e r a d io a gain . " J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is th e c lo se st p la ce to heaven th ere is ," h e s a y. " A nd it 's g o in g to b e lik e th is fo r th e r e st o f o ur liv es." For th e s e co nd tim e in tw o m onth s, J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi's in th e Lif e m agazin e. T his tim e, th o ugh, we m ak e th e c o ver. ch ap te r 1 5 N ONE A T H E M ED GAR E V ER S ta lk c o m e u p in M is s L eefo lt 's h o use . I c hange th e s ta tio n w hen s h e c o m e b ack fr o m h er lu nch m eetin g. W e g o o n lik e it 's a n ic e s u m mer a fte rn o on. I s till a in 't h eard h id e n o r h air fr o m M is s H illy a nd I 'm s ic k a th e w orry th at's a lw ays in m y h ead .
A d ay a fte r th e E vers fu nera l, M is s L eefo lt 's m am a s to p b y fo r a v is it . S he liv e u p in G re enw ood, M is sis sip pi, a nd s h e d riv in g d ow n to N ew O rle ans. S he d on't k no ck , M is s F re d eric k s ju st w alt z o n i n th e liv in g r o om w here I 'm ir o nin g. S he g iv e m e a le m ony s m ile . I g o te ll M is s L eefo lt w ho h ere .
" M am a! Y ou'r e s o e arly ! Y ou m ust'v e g o tte n u p a t th e c ra ck o f d aw n th is m orn in g, I h o pe y o u d id n't t ir e y o urs e lf o ut! " M is s L eefo lt s a y, r u sh in g in to th e liv in g r o om , p ic k in g u p to ys fa st a s s h e c an. S he s h o ot m e a lo ok th at s a y, now .
I p ut M is te r L eefo lt 's w rin k le d s h ir ts in a b ask et, g et a c lo th fo r B ab y G ir l's fa ce to w ip e o ff th e je lly .
" A nd y o u lo ok s o fr e sh a nd s ty lis h th is m orn in g, M am a." M is s L eefo lt s m ilin g s o h ard s h e g ettin g b ug-e yed . " A re y o u e xcit e d a b out y o ur s h o ppin g tr ip ?" F ro m th e g o od B uic k s h e d riv e a nd h er n ic e b uck le s h o es, I s p ec M is s F re d eric k s g o t a lo t m ore m oney th an M is te r a nd M is s L eefo lt d o.
" I w ante d to b re ak u p th e d riv e. A nd I w as h o pin g y o u'd ta k e m e to th e R obert E . L ee fo r lu nch," M is s F re d eric k s s a y. I d on't k no w h o w th is w om an c an s ta nd h er o w n s e lf . I h eard M is te r a nd M is s L eefo lt a rg uin g a b out h o w e vertim e s h e c o m e to to w n, s h e m ak e M is s L eefo lt ta k e h er to th e f a ncie st p la ce in to w n a nd th en s it b ack a nd m ak e M is s L eefo lt p ay th e b ill.
M is s L eefo lt s a y, " O h, w hy d on't w e h ave A ib ile en fix u s lu nch h ere ? W e h ave a r e al n ic e h am a nd s o m e--" " I s to pped b y to g o o ut to lu nch. N ot to e at h ere ." " A lr ig ht. A lr ig ht, M am a, le t m e ju st g o g et m y h and bag." M is s F re d eric k s lo ok d ow n a t M ae M oble y p la yin g w it h h er b ab y d oll, C la ud ia , o n th e flo or. S he b end d ow n a nd g iv e h er a h ug, s a y, " M ae M oble y, d id y o u lik e th at s m ock ed d re ss I s e nt o ver la st w eek ?" " Y eah," B ab y G ir l s a y to h er G ra nm am a. I h ate d s h o w in g M is s L eefo lt h o w tig ht th at d re ss w as a ro und th e m id dle . B ab y G ir l g ettin g p lu m per.
M is s F re d eric k s, s h e s c o w l d ow n a t M ae M oble y. " Y ou s a y yes m a'a m , y o ung la d y. D o y o u h ear m e?" M ae M oble y, s h e g et a d ull lo ok o n h er fa ce, s a y, " Y es m a'a m ." B ut I k no w w hat s h e th in k in g. S he t h in k in g, Gre a t. J u st w hat I n eed t o day. A noth er la dy in t h is h ouse w ho d on't lik e m e.
T hey h ead o ut th e d oor w it h M is s F re d eric k s p in chin g th e b ack a M is s L eefo lt 's a rm . " Y ou d on't k no w h o w to h ir e p ro per h elp , E liz a b eth . I t is h er jo b to m ak e s u re M ae M oble y h as g o od m anners.
" "A lr ig ht, M am a, w e'll w ork o n it ." "Y ou c an't ju st h ir e a nyb ody a nd h o pe y o u g et lu ck y." Afte r w hile , I fix B ab y G ir l th at h am s a nd w ic h M is s F re d eric k s to o g o od to e at. B ut M ae M oble y only ta k e o ne b it e , p ush it a w ay.
"I d on't fe el g o od. M y fr o at h urts , A ib ee." I k no w w hat a fr o at is a nd I k no w h o w to fix it . B ab y G ir l g ettin g a s u m mer c o ld . I h eat h er u p a c up a h o ney w ate r, lit tle le m on in it to m ak e it g o od. B ut w hat th is g ir l r e ally n eed s is a s to ry s o s h e c an go to s le ep . I lif t h er u p in m y a rm s. L aw , s h e g ettin g b ig . G one b e th re e y ears o ld in a fe w m onth s, and p ud gy a s a p unk in .
Ever a fte rn o on, m e a nd B ab y G ir l s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair b efo re h er n ap . E ver a fte rn o on, I te ll h er:
Yo u k in d, y o u s m art, y o u im porta nt.
B ut s h e g ro w in g u p a nd I k no w , s o on, th em fe w w ord s a in 't go ne b e e no ugh.
"A ib ee? R ead m e a s to ry ?" I lo ok th ro ugh th e b ooks to s e e w hat I 'm o n r e ad to h er. I c an't r e ad th at Curio us G eo rg e o ne m ore tim e c ause s h e d on't w ant a h ear it . O r Chic k en L it tle o r Madelin e n eit h er.
So w e ju st r o ck in th e c hair a w hile . M ae M oble y le an h er h ead a gain st m y u nif o rm . W e w atc h th e ra in d rip pin g o n th e w ate r le ft in th e g re en p la stic p ool. I s a y a p ra yer fo r M yrlie E vers , w is h in g I 'd had w ork o ff to g o to th e fu nera l. I th in k o n h o w h er te n-y ear- o ld s o n, s o m eb ody to ld m e, h ad c rie d so q uie t th ro ugh th e w ho le th in g. I r o ck a nd p ra y, fe elin g s o s a d , I d on't k no w , s o m eth in g ju st c o m e over m e. T he w ord s ju st c o m e o ut.
"O nce u p on a tim e th ey w as tw o lit tle g ir ls ," I s a y. " O ne g ir l h ad b la ck s k in , o ne g ir l h ad w hit e ." Mae M oble y lo ok u p a t m e. S he lis te nin g.
"L it tle c o lo re d g ir l s a y to th e lit tle w hit e g ir l, 'H ow c o m e y o ur s k in b e s o p ale ?' W hit e g ir l s a y, 'I don't k no w . H ow c o m e y o ur s k in b e s o b la ck ? W hat y o u th in k th at m ean?' "B ut n eit h er o ne a th em lit tle g ir ls k new . S o lit tle w hit e g ir l s a y, 'W ell, le t's s e e. Y ou g o t h air , I g o t hair .' " I g iv es M ae M oble y a lit tle to usle o n h er h ead .
"L it tle c o lo re d g ir l s a y 'I g o t a n o se , y o u g o t a n o se .' " I g iv es h er lit tle s n o ut a tw eak . S he g o t to re ach u p a nd d o th e s a m e to m e.
"L it tle w hit e g ir l s a y, 'I g o t to es, y o u g o t to es.' A nd I d o th e lit tle th in g w it h h er to es, b ut s h e c an't g et to m in e c ause I g o t m y w hit e w ork s h o es o n.
"'S o w e's th e s a m e. J u st a d if fe re nt c o lo r,' s a y th at lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. T he lit tle w hit e g ir l s h e a gre ed and th ey w as fr ie nd s. T he E nd ." Bab y G ir l ju st lo ok a t m e. L aw , th at w as a s o rry s to ry if I e ver h eard o ne. W asn 't e ven n o p lo t to it .
But M ae M oble y, s h e s m ile a nd s a y, " T ell it a gain ." So I d o. B y th e fo urth tim e, s h e a sle ep . I w his p er, " I'm o n te ll y o u a b ette r o ne n ext tim e." "D O N'T W E H AV E M ORE T O W ELS, A ib ile en? T his o ne's fin e, b ut w e c an't ta k e th is o ld r a tty th in g, I 'd b e e m barra sse d to d eath . I g uess w e'll ju st ta k e th e o ne, th en." Mis s L eefo lt a ll in a tiz zy. S he a nd M is te r L eefo lt d on't b elo ng to n o s w im c lu b , n o t e ven th e d in k y Bro ad m oore p ool. M is s H illy c all th is m orn in g a nd a sk if s h e a nd B ab y G ir l w ant to g o s w im min g a t th e J a ck so n C ountr y C lu b a nd th at's a in vit a tio n M is s L eefo lt a in 't h ad b ut o nce o r tw ic e. I p ro bab ly been th ere m ore tim es th an s h e h as.
You c an't u se p ap er m oney th ere , y o u g o t to b e a m em ber a nd c harg e it to y o ur a cco unt a nd o ne th in g I k no w a b out M is s H illy is , s h e d on't lik e to c arry n o body's c o sts . I r e ck on M is s H illy g o t oth er la d ie s s h e g o to th e C ountr y C lu b w it h , o nes w ho g o t th e m em bers h ip s.
We s till a in 't h eard a no th er w ord a b out th e s a tc hel. A in 't e ven s e en M is s H illy in fiv e d ays. N eit h er has M is s S keete r, w hic h is b ad . T hey s p ose d to b e b est fr ie nd s. M is s S keete r, s h e b ru ng o ver th e fir s t M in ny c hap te r la st n ig ht. M is s W alt e r w as n o c up a te a a nd if M is s H illy s a w a nyth in g r e la tin g to th at, I d on't k no w w hat's g o ne h ap pen to u s. I ju st h o pe M is s S keete r a in 't to o s c are d to te ll m e if sh e h eard a nyth in g n ew .
I p ut B ab y G ir l's y ello w b ik in i o n. " Y ou g o t to k eep y o u to p o n, n o w . T hey d on't le t n o n ek kid bab ie s s w im a t th e c o untr y c lu b ." N or N egro es n o r J e w s. I u se d to w ork fo r th e G old m ans. T he Ja ck so n J e w s g o t to s w im a t th e C olo nia l C ountr y C lu b , th e N egro es, in M ay's L ak e.
I fe ed B ab y G ir l a p eanut b utte r s a nd w ic h a nd th e p ho ne r in g.
"M is s L eefo lt r e sid ence." "A ib ile en, h ey, it 's S keete r. I s E liz a b eth th ere ?" "H ey M is s S keete r . . ." I lo ok o ver a t M is s L eefo lt , a b out to h and h er th e p ho ne, b ut s h e w ave h er hand s. S he s h ak e h er h ead a nd m outh , No. T ell h er I 'm n ot h ere .
"S he . . . s h e g o ne, M is s S keete r," I s a y a nd I lo ok M is s L eefo lt r ig ht in th e e ye w hile I te ll h er lie . I don't u nd ers ta nd it . M is s S keete r a m em ber a th e c lu b , w ould n't b e n o tr o ub le in vit in g h er.
At n o ontim e, w e a ll th re e g et in M is s L eefo lt 's b lu e F ord F air la ne. O n th e b ack s e at n ext to u s, I g o t a b ag w it h a T herm os a a p ple ju ic e, c heese n ab s, p eanuts , a nd tw o C o-C ola b ottle s th at's g o ne b e lik e d rin k in g c o ffe e th ey g o ne b e s o h o t. I s p ec M is s L eefo lt k no w M is s H illy a in 't g o ne b e p ush in g us to th e s n ack b ar. L aw k no w s w hy s h e in vit e h er to day.
Bab y G ir l r id e in m y la p in th e b ack s e at. I c ra nk th e w in d ow d ow n, le t th e w arm a ir b lo w o n o ur fa ces. M is s L eefo lt k eep p oofin g h er h air u p . S he a s to p-a nd -g o d riv er a nd I fe el n ause o us, w is h sh e'd ju st k eep b oth h and s o n th e w heel.
We p ass th e B en F ra nk lin F iv e a nd D im e, th e S eale -L ily I c e C re am d riv e-th ru . T hey g o t a s lid in g win d ow o n th e b ack s id e s o c o lo re d fo lk c an g et o ur ic e c re am to o. M y le gs is s w eatin g w it h B ab y Gir l s e ttin g o n m e. A fte r w hile , w e o n a lo ng, b um py r o ad w it h p astu re o n b oth s id es, c o w s fla p pin g at th e flie s w it h th ey ta ils . W e c o unt u s tw enty -six c o w s b ut M ae M oble y ju st c all o ut " Ten " a fte r th e fir s t n in e. T hat's h ig h a s s h e k no w .
Bout fif te en m in ute s la te r, w e p ull o nto a p aved d riv e. T he c lu b 's a lo w , w hit e b uild in g w it h p ric k le bush es a ro und it , n o t n early s o fa ncy a s fo lk s ta lk a b out it . T hey's p le nty a p ark in g p la ces u p fr o nt, but M is s L eefo lt th in k o n it a s e co nd , p ark a w ays b ack .
We s te p o ut o nto th e b la ck to p, fe el th e h eat c o ver u s. I g o t th e p ap er s a ck in o ne h and , M ae Moble y's h and in th e o th er a nd w e tr u d ge a cro ss th e s te am in g b la ck lo t. G rid lin es m ak e it lik e w e o n a c harc o al g rill, r o astin g lik e c o rn co bs. M y fa ce g ettin g tig ht, b urn in g in th e s u n. B ab y G ir l la ggin g back o n m y h and lo okin g s tu nned lik e s h e ju st g o t s la p ped . M is s L eefo lt p antin g a nd fr o w nin g a t th e door, s till tw enty y ard s a w ay, w ond erin g, I r e ck on, w hy s h e p ark s o fa r. T he p art in m y h air g et to burn in g, th en it c hin g, b ut I c an't s c ra tc h a t it c ause b oth h and s is fu ll th en whoo!
s o m eb ody b lo w o ut th e fla m e. T he lo bby's d ark , c o ol, h eaven. W e b lin k a w hile .
Mis s L eefo lt lo ok a ro und , b lin d a nd s h y, s o I p oin t to th e s id e d oor. " P ool th at a w ay, m a'a m ." She lo ok g ra te fu l I k no w m y w ay a ro und s o s h e d on't h ave to a sk lik e p oor fo lk .
We p ush o pen th e d oor a nd th e s u n fla sh in o ur e yes a gain , b ut it 's n ic e, c o ole r. T he s w im min g p ool sh in in g b lu e. T he b la ck -a nd -w hit e s tr ip e a w nin gs lo ok c le an. T he a ir s m ell lik e la und ry s o ap . K id s is la ughin g a nd s p la sh in g a nd la d ie s is la yin g a ro und in th ey s w im su it s a nd s u ngla sse s r e ad in g magazin es.
Mis s L eefo lt r o of h er e yes a nd s p y a ro und fo r M is s H illy . S he g o t a w hit e flo ppy h at o n, b la ck -a nd - whit e p olk y-d ot d re ss, c lo nk y w hit e b uck le s a nd als a s iz e to o b ig fo r h er fe et. S he fr o w nin g c ause sh e fe el o ut a p la ce, b ut s m ilin g c ause s h e d on't w ant n o body to k no w it .
" There s h e is ." W e fo llo w M is s L eefo lt a ro und th e p ool to w here M is s H illy is in a r e d b ath in g s u it .
She la id o ut o n a lo unge c hair , w atc hin g h er k id s s w im . I s e e tw o m aid s I d on't k no w w it h o th er fa m ilie s, b ut n o t Y ule M ay.
"T here y 'a ll a re ," M is s H illy s a y. " W hy, M ae M oble y, d on't y o u lo ok lik e a lit tle b utte rb all in th at bik in i. A ib ile en, th e k id s a re r ig ht th ere in th e b ab y p ool. Y ou c an s it in th e s h ad e b ack y o nd er a nd lo ok a fte r th em . D on't le t W illia m s p la sh th e g ir ls , n o w ." Mis s L eefo lt la y d ow n o n th e lo unge c hair n ext to M is s H illy a nd I s e t a t th e ta b le u nd er a u m bre lla , fe w fe et b ehin d th e la d ie s. I p op m y h o se a w ay fr o m m y le gs to d ry th e s w eat. I 'm in a p re tty g o od posit io n fo r h earin g w hat th ey s a y.
"Y ule M ay," M is s H illy s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s L eefo lt . " A no th er d ay o ff. I te ll y o u, th at g ir l is push in g it w it h m e." W ell, th at's o ne m yste ry s o lv ed . M is s H illy in vit e M is s L eefo lt to th e p ool c ause sh e k no w s h e b rin g m e.
Mis s H illy p our m ore c o co a b utte r o n h er p lu m p, ta n le gs, r u b it a ro und . S he a lr e ad y s o g re asy s h e sh in in g. " I a m s o r e ad y to g et d ow n to th e c o ast," M is s H illy s a y. " T hre e w eek s a t th e b each." "I w is h R ale ig h's fa m ily h ad a h o use d ow n th ere ." M is s L eefo lt s ig h. S he p ull h er d re ss u p a lit tle to su n h er w hit e k nees. S he c an't w ear n o b ath in g s u it s in ce s h e p re gnant.
"O f c o urs e w e h ave to p ay th e b us fa re to g et Y ule M ay b ack u p h ere o n th e w eek end s.
Eig ht dolla rs . I o ught to ta k e it o ut o f h er p ay." The k id s y ell th ey w ant to g et in th e b ig p ool n o w . I p ull M ae M oble y's S ty ro fo am b ub ble o ut th e bag, fa ste n it a ro und h er tu m my. M is s H illy h and m e tw o m ore a nd I p ut o ne o n W illia m a nd H eath er to o. T hey g et in th e b ig p ool a nd flo at a ro und lik e a b unch a fis h in g c o rk s. M is s H illy lo ok a t m e, sa y, " A re n't th ey th e c ute st th in gs? " a nd I n o d. T hey s u re is . E ven M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g.
They ta lk a nd I lis te n, b ut th ey a in 't n o m entio n a M is s S keete r o r a s a tc hel. A fte r w hile , M is s H illy se nd m e to th e s n ack w in d ow to g et c herry C o-C ola s fo r e vero ne, e ven m yse lf . A fte r w hile , th e lo custs in th e tr e es s ta rt h um min g, th e s h ad e g et c o ole r a nd I fe el m y e yes, tr a in ed o n th e k id s in th e pool, s ta rt to s a g.
"A ib ee, w atc h m e! L ooky a t m e!" I fo cus m y e yes, s m ile a t M ae M oble y fu nnin g a ro und .
And th at's w hen I s e e M is s S keete r, b ack b ehin d th e p ool, o uts id e th e fe nce. S he g o t o n h er te nnis sk ir t a nd h er r a cq uet in h er h and . S he s ta rin g a t M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt , tilt in g h er h ead lik e s h e so rtin g s o m eth in g o ut. M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt , th ey d on't s e e h er, th ey s till ta lk in g a b out B ilo xi. I watc h M is s S keete r c o m e in th e g ate , w alk a ro und th e p ool. P re tty s o on, s h e s ta nd in g r ig ht in fr o nt a th em a nd th ey s till d on't s e e h er.
"H ey y 'a ll, " M is s S keete r s a y. S he g o t s w eat r u nnin g d ow n h er a rm s. H er fa ce is p in k a nd s w olle d up in th e s u n.
Mis s H illy lo ok u p , b ut s h e s ta y s tr e tc hed o ut o n h er p ool c hair , m agazin e in h er h and . M is s L eefo lt ju m p u p o ff h er c hair a nd s ta nd u p .
"H ey, S keete r! W hy--I d id n't . . . w e tr ie d to c all . . ." H er te eth ju st a b out c hatte rin g s h e s m ilin g s o big .
"H ey, E liz a b eth ." "T ennis ? " M is s L eefo lt a sk , n o ddin g h er h ead lik e s h e a d oll o n a d ash b oard . " W ho 'r e y o u p la yin g wit h ?" "I w as h it tin g b alls o n th e b ack board b y m yse lf ," M is s S keete r s a y. S he b lo w a th ic k et a h air o ff h er fo re head , b ut it 's s tu ck . S he d on't m ove o ut th e s u n, th o ugh.
"H illy ," M is s S keete r s a y, " d id Y ule M ay te ll y o u I c alle d ?" Hilly s m ile k in d a tig ht. " S he's o ff to day." "I c alle d y o u y este rd ay to o." "L ook, S keete r, I d id n't h ave tim e. I h ave b een a t th e c am paig n H .Q . s in ce W ed nesd ay a d dre ssin g envelo pes to p ra ctic ally e very w hit e p ers o n in J a ck so n." "A lr ig ht." M is s S keete r n o d. T hen s h e s q uin t, s a y, " H illy , a re w e . . . d id I . . . d o s o m eth in g to u p se t yo u?" a nd I fe el m y fin gers jig glin g a gain , tw ir lin g th at d um b in vis ib le p encil.
Mis s H illy c lo se h er m agazin e, p ut it o n th e c o ncre te s o s h e d on't g et h er g re ase o n it . " T his s h o uld be d is c usse d a t a la te r tim e, S keete r." Mis s L eefo lt s it b ack d ow n r e al q uic k . S he p ic k u p M is s H illy 's Good H ouse k eep in g , s ta rt r e ad in g it lik e s h e a in 't e ver s e en n o th in g s o im porta nt.
"A lr ig ht." M is s S keete r s h ru g. " I ju st th o ught w e c o uld ta lk a b out . . . w hate ver th is is b efo re y o u g o out o f to w n." Mis s H illy b out to p ro te st, b ut th en s h e le t o ut a lo ng s ig h. " W hy d on't y o u ju st te ll m e th e tr u th , Skeete r? " "T he tr u th a b out w h--" "L ook, I fo und th at para phern alia o f y o urs ." I s w allo w h ard . M is s H illy tr y in g to w his p er b ut s h e re ally a in 't n o g o od a t it .
Mis s S keete r k eep h er e yes o n H illy . S he r e al c alm , d on't lo ok u p a t m e a t a ll. " W hat p ara p hern alia do y o u m ean?" "In y o ur s a tc hel w hen I w as h untin g fo r th e m in ute s? A nd S keete r"- -sh e fla sh h er e yes u p a t th e s k y and b ack d ow n--"I d on't k no w . I ju st d o n o t k no w a nym ore ." "H illy , w hat a re y o u ta lk in g a b out? W hat d id y o u s e e in m y s a tc hel? " I lo ok o ut a t th e k id s, L aw , I a lm ost fo rg o t a b out e m . I fe el lik e I 'm g o ne fa in t lis te nin g to th is .
"T ho se la w s y o u w ere c arry in g a ro und ? A bout w hat th e--" M is s H illy lo ok b ack a t m e. I k eep m y eyes tr a in ed o n th e p ool. " W hat th o se oth er p eo ple c an a nd c anno t d o a nd fr a nk ly ," s h e h is s, " I th in k it 's d ow nrig ht p ig -h ead ed o f y o u. T o th in k y o u k no w b ette r th an o ur g o vern m ent? T han R oss Barn ett? " "W hen d id I e ver s a y a w ord a b out R oss B arn ett? " M is s S keete r s a y.
Mis s H illy w ag h er fin ger u p a t M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s ta rin g a t th e s a m e p age, s a m e lin e, s a m e word . I g o t th e w ho le s c ene fix ed in th e c o rn er a m y e ye.
"Y ou a re n o t a p olit ic ia n, S keete r P hela n." "W ell, n eit h er a re y o u, H illy ." Mis s H illy s ta nd u p th en. S he p oin t h er fin ger to th e g ro und . " I a m a b out to b e a p olit ic ia n's w if e , unle ss y o u h ave a nyth in g to d o w it h it . H ow is W illia m e ver g o in g to g et e le cte d in W ash in gto n, D .C ., one d ay if w e h ave in te gra tio nal fr ie nd s in o ur c lo se t? " "W ash in gto n?" M is s S keete r r o ll h er e yes. " W illia m 's r u nnin g fo r th e lo cal s e nate , H illy . A nd h e m ig ht no t w in ." Oh L aw . I fin ally le t m yse lf lo ok a t M is s S keete r. W hy y o u d oin g th is ? W hy y o u p ush in g h er h o t butto n?
Oh, M is s H illy m ad n o w . S he s n ap h er h ead s tr a ig ht. " Y ou k no w w ell a s I d o, th ere a re g o od, ta x- payin g w hit e p eo ple in th is to w n w ho w ould fig ht y o u to th e d eath o n th is . Y ou w ant to le t th em g et in o ur s w im min g p ools ? L et th em p ut th eir h and s o n e very th in g in o ur g ro cery s to re s? " Mis s S keete r s ta re lo ng a nd h ard a t M is s H illy . T hen, fo r o ne-h alf a s e co nd , M is s S keete r g la nce a t me, s e e th e p le ad in g in m y e yes. H er s h o uld ers e ase b ack s o m e. " O h H illy , it 's ju st a b ookle t. I fo und it a t th e d arn lib ra ry . I 'm n o t tr y in g to c hange a ny la w s, I ju st to ok it h o m e to re a d ." Mis s H illy ta k e th is in a s e co nd . " B ut if y o u'r e lo okin g a t th o se la w s ," M is s H illy s n ap th e le g a h er bath in g s u it th at's c re p t u p h er b ehin d , " I h ave to w ond er, w hat els e a re y o u u p to ?" Mis s S keete r s h if t h er e yes a w ay, lic k h er lip s. " Hilly .
Y ou k no w m e b ette r th an a nyb ody e ls e in th is world . I f I w as u p to s o m eth in g, y o u'd h ave m e fig ure d o ut in h alf a s e co nd ." Mis s H illy ju st w atc h h er. T hen M is s S keete r g ra b M is s H illy 's h and a nd s q ueeze it . " I a m w orrie d ab out y o u. Y ou d is a p pear fo r a n e ntir e w eek , y o u'r e w ork in g y o urs e lf to d eath o n th is c am paig n.
Look a t th at." M is s S keete r tu rn M is s H illy 's p alm o ver. " Y ou h ave a b lis te r fr o m a d dre ssin g a ll th o se e nvelo pes." And r e al s lo w , I w atc h M is s H illy 's b ody s lu m p d ow n, s ta rt to g iv e in o n it s e lf . S he lo ok to m ak e su re M is s L eefo lt a in 't lis te nin g.
"I'm ju st s o s c are d ," M is s H illy w his p er th ro ugh h er te eth . I c an't h ear m uch. " . . . p ile d s o m uch money in th is c am paig n, if W illia m d oesn 't w in . . . b een w ork in g d ay a nd . . ." Mis s S keete r la y a h and o n M is s H illy 's s h o uld er, s a y s o m eth in g to h er. M is s H illy n o d a nd g iv e h er a tir e d s m ile .
Afte r w hile , M is s S keete r te ll th em s h e g o t to g o . S he h ead o ff th ro ugh th e s u nb ath ers , w in d in g th ro ugh th e c hair s a nd th e to w els . M is s L eefo lt lo ok o ver a t M is s H illy w it h b ig e yes, lik e s h e s c are d to a sk a ny q uestio ns.
I le an b ack in m y c hair , w ave to M ae M oble y m ak in g tw ir lie s in th e w ate r. I tr y to r u b th e h ead ache out m y te m ple s. A cro ss th e w ay, M is s S keete r lo ok b ack a t m e. E verb ody a ro und u s is s u nnin g a nd la ughin g a nd s q uin tin g, n o t a s o ul g uessin g th at th e c o lo re d w om an a nd th e w hit e w om an w it h th e te nnis r a cq uet is w ond erin g th e s a m e th in g: is w e fo ols to fe el s o m e r e lie f?
ch ap te r 1 6 A BO UT A Y EA R A FTER T re elo re d ie d , I s ta rte d g o in g to th e C om munit y C oncern s M eetin g a t m y c hurc h. I r e ck on I s ta rte d d oin g it to fill tim e. K eep th e e venin gs fr o m g ettin g s o lo nely . E ven t h o ugh S hir le y B oon, w it h h er b ig k no w -it - a ll s m ile , k in d a ir rit a te m e. M in ny d on't lik e S hir le y n eit h er, b ut s h e u su ally c o m e a nyw ay to g et o ut th e h o use . B ut B enny g o t th e a sth m a to nig ht, s o M in ny a in 't g o ne m ak e it .
L ate ly , th e m eetin gs is m ore a b out c iv il r ig hts th an k eep in g th e s tr e ets c le an a nd w ho g o ne w ork a t t h e c lo th in g e xchange. I t a in 't a ggre ssiv e, m ostly p eo ple ju st ta lk in g th in gs o ut, p ra yin g a b out it . B ut a fte r M r. E vers g o t s h o t a w eek a go , lo t a c o lo re d fo lk s is fr u str a te d in th is to w n. E sp ecia lly th e y o unger o nes, w ho a in 't b uilt u p a c allu s to it y et. T hey d one h ad m eetin gs a ll w eek o ver th e k illin g. I h ear fo lk s w as a ngry , y ellin g, c ry in g. T his th e fir s t o ne I c o m e to s in ce th e s h o otin g.
I w alk d ow n th e s te p s to th e b ase m ent. G enera lly , it 's c o ole r th an u p in th e c hurc h, b ut it 's w arm d ow n h ere to nig ht. F olk s is p uttin g ic e c ub es in th ey c o ffe e. I lo ok a ro und to s e e w ho 's h ere , r e ck onin g I b ette r a sk s o m e m ore m aid s to h elp u s, n o w th at it lo ok lik e w e s q ueak ed b y M is s H illy .
T hir ty -fiv e m aid s d one s a id n o a nd I fe el lik e I 'm s e llin g s o m eth in g n o body w ant to b uy. S om eth in g b ig a nd s tin k y, lik e K ik i B ro w n a nd h er le m on s m ell- g o od p olis h . B ut w hat r e ally m ak es m e a nd K ik i th e s a m e is , I 'm p ro ud a w hat I 'm s e llin g. I c an't h elp it . W e te llin g s to rie s th at n eed to b e to ld .
I w is h M in ny c o uld h elp m e a sk p eo ple . M in ny k no w h o w to p ut a s e ll o n. B ut w e d ecid ed fr o m th e s ta rt, n o body n eed s to k no w M in ny's a p art a th is . I t's ju st to o r is k y fo r h er fa m ily . W e fe lt lik e w e h ad to te ll fo lk s it w as M is s S keete r, th o ugh. N obody w ould a gre e if th ey d id n't k no w w ho th e w hit e l a d y w as, w ond erin g if th ey k new h er o r h ad w ork ed fo r h er. B ut M is s S keete r c an't d o th e fr o nt s e ll. S he'd s c are e m o ff b efo re s h e e ven o pened h er m outh . S o it 's u p to m e a nd it d id n't ta k e b ut f iv e o r s ix m aid s b efo re e verb ody a lr e ad y k no w w hat I 'm o n a sk b efo re I g et th re e w ord s o ut m y m outh . T hey s a y it a in 't w orth it . T hey a sk m e w hy I 'd p ut m y o w n s e lf a t r is k w hen it a in 't g o ne d o n o g o od. I r e ck on p eo ple s is s ta rtin g to th in k o ld A ib ile en's b ask et a in 't g o t m any p aw paw s le ft in it .
A ll th e w ooden fo ld -c hair s is fu ll to nig ht. T hey's o ver fif ty p eo ple h ere , m ostly w om ens.
" S it d ow n b y m e, A ib ile en," B ertr in a B esse m er s a y. " G old ella , le t th e o ld er fo lk h ave th e c hair s ." G old ella ju m p u p , m otio n m e d ow n. L east B ertr in a s till tr e atin g m e lik e I a in 't c ra zy.
I s e ttle in . T onig ht, S hir le y B oon's s it tin g d ow n a nd th e D eaco n s ta nd in g a t th e fr o nt. H e s a y w e n eed a q uie t p ra yer m eetin g to nig ht. S ay w e n eed to h eal. I 'm g la d fo r it . W e c lo se o ur e yes a nd th e D eaco n le ad s u s in a p ra yer fo r th e E vers e s, fo r M yrlie , fo r th e s o ns. S om e fo lk s is w his p erin g, m urm urin g to G od, a nd a q uie t p ow er fill u p th e r o om , lik e b ees b uzzin g o n a c o m b. I s a y m y p ra yers to m yse lf . W hen I 'm d one, I ta k e a d eep b re ath , w ait fo r th e o th ers to fin is h . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'll w rit e m y p ra yers to o. T his is w orth th e d oub le tim e.
Y ule M ay, M is s H illy 's m aid , s e ttin g in fr o nt a m e. Y ule M ay e asy to r e co gniz e fr o m th e b ack c ause s h e g o t s u ch g o od h air , s m ooth , n o n ap to it . I h ear s h e e d ucate d , w ent th ro ugh m ost a c o lle ge.
C ours e w e g o t p le nty a s m art p eo ple in o ur c hurc h w it h th ey c o lle ge d egre es. D octo rs , la w yers , M r.
C ro ss w ho o w n The S outh ern T im es , th e c o lo re d n ew sp ap er th at c o m e o ut e ver w eek . B ut Y ule M ay, s h e p ro bab ly th e m ost e d ucate d m aid w e g o t in o ur p aris h . S eein g h er m ak es m e th in k a gain ab out th e w ro ng I n eed to r ig ht.
The D eaco n o pen h is e yes, lo ok o ut o n u s a ll r e al q uie t. " T he p ra yers w e a re s a y--" "D eaco n T ho ro ughgo od," a d eep v o ic e b oom th ro ugh s tilln ess. I tu rn --e verb ody tu rn --a nd th ere 's Je ssu p , P la nta in F id elia 's g ra nd so n, s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay. H e tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e. H e g o t his h and s in th ic k fis ts .
"W hat I w ant to k no w is ," h e s a y s lo w , a ngry , " w hat w e p la n to do a b out it ." Deaco n g o t a s te rn lo ok o n h is fa ce lik e h e d one ta lk ed w it h J e ssu p b efo re . " T onig ht, w e a re g o in g to lif t o ur p ra yers to G od. W e w ill m arc h p eacefu lly d ow n th e s tr e ets o f J a ck so n n ext T uesd ay. A nd in A ugust, I w ill s e e y o u in W ash in gto n to m arc h w it h D octo r K in g." "T hat is n o t e no ugh!" J e ssu p s a y, b angin g h is fis t o n h is h and . " T hey s h o t h im in th e b ack lik e a d og!" "J e ssu p ." D eaco n r a is e h is h and . " T onig ht is fo r p ra yer. F or th e fa m ily . F or th e la w yers o n th e c ase . I und ers ta nd y o ur a nger, b ut, s o n--" "P ra yer? Y ou m ean y 'a ll ju st g o nna s it a ro und a nd p ra y a b out it ? " He lo ok a ro und a t a ll a u s in o ur c hair s .
"Y 'a ll th in k pra yer's g o in g to k eep w hit e p eo ple fr o m k illin g u s? " No o ne a nsw er, n o t e ven th e D eaco n. J e ssu p ju st tu rn a nd le ave. W e a ll h ear h is fe et s to m pin g u p th e s ta ir s a nd th en o ver o ur h ead s o ut th e c hurc h.
The r o om is r e al q uie t. D eaco n T ho ro ughgo od g o t h is e yes lo ck ed a fe w in ches a b ove o ur h ead s.
It's s tr a nge. H e a in 't a m an n o t to lo ok y o u in th e e ye. E verb ody s ta rin g a t h im , e verb ody w ond erin g what h e th in k in g s o th at h e c an't lo ok in o ur fa ces. T hen I s e e Y ule M ay s h ak in g h er h ead , r e al s m all, but lik e s h e m ean it a nd I r e ck on th e D eaco n a nd Y ule M ay is th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. T hey th in k in g ab out w hat J e ssu p a sk . A nd Y ule M ay, s h e ju st a nsw erin g th e q uestio n.
TH E M EETIN G E nd s a ro und e ig ht o 'c lo ck . T he o nes w ho g o t k id s g o o n, o th ers g et o urs e lv es co ffe e fr o m th e ta b le in th e b ack . T hey a in 't m uch c hatte r. P eo ple q uie t. I ta k e a b re ath , g o to Y ule May s ta nd in g a t th e c o ffe e u rn . I ju st w ant to g et th is lie o ff th at's s tu ck o n m e lik e a c o ck le b ur. I ain 't g o ne a sk n o body e ls e a t th e m eetin g. A in 't n o body g o ne b uy m y s tin k y s m ell- g o od to nig ht.
Yule M ay n o d a t m e, s m ile p olit e . S he a b out fo rty a nd ta ll a nd th in . S he d one k ep t h er fig ure n ic e.
She s till w earin g h er w hit e u nif o rm a nd it fit tr im o n h er w ais t. S he a lw ays w ear e arrin gs, tin y g o ld lo ops.
"I h ear th e tw in s is g o in g to T ougalo o C olle ge n ext y ear. C ongra tu la tio ns." "W e h o pe s o . W e'v e s till g o t a lit tle m ore to s a ve. T w o a t o nce's a lo t." "Y ou w ent to a g o od b it a c o lle ge y o urs e lf , d id n't y o u?" She n o d, s a y, " J a ck so n C olle ge." "I lo ved s c ho ol. T he r e ad in g a nd th e w rit in g. C ep t th e r it h m atic . I d id n't ta k e to th at." Yule M ay s m ile s. " T he E nglis h w as m y fa vo rit e to o. T he w rit in g." "I b een . . . w rit in g s o m e m yse lf ." Yule M ay lo ok m e in th e e ye a nd I c an te ll th en s h e k no w w hat I 'm a b out to s a y. F or a s e co nd , I can s e e th e s h am e s h e s w allo w e ver d ay, w ork in g in th at h o use . T he fe ar. I fe el e m barra sse d to a sk her.
But Y ule M ay s a y it b efo re I h ave to . " I k no w a b out th e s to rie s y o u'r e w ork in g o n. W it h th at fr ie nd of M is s H illy 's ." "It's a lr ig ht, Y ule M ay. I k no w y o u c an't d o it ." "It's ju st... a r is k I c an't a ffo rd to ta k e r ig ht n o w . W e s o c lo se to g ettin g e no ugh m oney to geth er." "I u nd ers ta nd ," I s a y a nd I s m ile , le t h er k no w s h e o ff th e h o ok. B ut Y ule M ay d on't m ove a w ay.
"T he n am es . . . y o u'r e c hangin g th em , I h eard ?" This th e s a m e q uestio n e verb ody a sk , c ause th ey c urio us.
"T hat's r ig ht. A nd th e n am e a th e to w n, to o." She lo ok d ow n a t th e flo or. " S o I 'd te ll m y s to rie s a b out b ein g a m aid a nd s h e'd w rit e th em d ow n?
Edit th em o r . . . s o m eth in g lik e th at? " I n o d. " W e w ant a d o a ll k in d a s to rie s. G ood th in gs a nd b ad . S he w ork in g w it h . . . a no th er m aid rig ht n o w ." Yule M ay lic k h er lip s, lo ok lik e s h e im agin in g it , te llin g w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r M is s H illy .
"C ould w e . . . ta lk a b out th is s o m e m ore ? W hen I h ave m ore tim e?" "A c o urs e ," I s a y, a nd I s e e, in h er e yes, s h e a in 't ju st b ein g n ic e.
"I'm s o rry , b ut H enry a nd th e b oys a re w ait in g o n m e," s h e s a ys. " B ut m ay I c all y o u? A nd ta lk in priv ate ?" "A nytim e. W henever y o u fe el lik e it ." She to uch m y a rm a nd lo ok m e s tr a ig ht in th e e yes a gain . I c an't b elie ve w hat I s e e. I t's lik e s h e b een wait in g o n m e to a sk h er a ll th is tim e.
Then s h e g o ne o ut th e d oor. I s ta nd in th e c o rn er a m in ute , d rin k in g c o ffe e to o h o t fo r th e w eath er. I la ugh a nd m utte r to m yse lf , e ven th o ugh e verb ody g o ne th in k I 'm e ven c ra zie r fo r it .
MIN NY ch ap te r 1 7 G O O N O UT A H ER E S O I C AN D O M Y C LEA N IN G." M is s C elia d ra w s th e c o vers u p a ro und h er c hest lik e s h e's a fr a id I m ig ht je rk h er o ut o f b ed . N in e m onth s h ere a nd I s till d on't k no w if s h e's s ic k in th e b ody o r fr ie d u p h er w it s w it h th e h air c o lo rin g.
S he d oes lo ok b ette r th an w hen I s ta rte d . H er tu m my's g o t a lit tle fa t o n it , h er c heek s a re n't s o h o llo w a s th ey w ere , o ut h ere s ta rv in g h er a nd M is te r J o hnny to d eath .
F or a w hile , M is s C elia w as w ork in g in th e b ack yard a ll th e tim e b ut n o w th at c ra zy la d y's b ack to s it tin g a ro und th e b ed a gain . I u se d to b e g la d s h e s ta yed h o le d u p in h er r o om . N ow th at I 'v e m et M is te r J o hnny, th o ugh, I 'm r e ad y to work .
A nd d am n it , I 'm r e ad y to g et M is s C elia in s h ap e to o.
" Y ou d riv in g m e c ra zy h angin g a ro und th is h o use tw enty -fiv e h o urs a d ay. G et. G o c ho p d ow n th at p oor m im osa tr e e y o u h ate s o m uch," I s a y, b ecause M r. J o hnny n ever d id c ho p th at th in g d ow n.
B ut w hen M is s C elia d oesn 't m ove fr o m th at m attr e ss, I k no w it 's tim e to p ull o ut th e b ig g uns.
" W hen y o u g o ne te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e?" B ecause th at a lw ays g ets h er m ovin g. S om etim es I j u st a sk it fo r m y o w n e nte rta in m ent.
I c an't b elie ve th e c hara d e h as g o ne o n th is lo ng, w it h M is te r J o hnny k no w in g a b out m e, a nd M is s C elia w alk in g a ro und lik e a d in g-a -lin g, lik e s h e's s till p ullin g h er tr ic k . I t w as n o s u rp ris e w hen th e C hris tm as d ead lin e c am e a nd s h e b egged fo r m ore tim e. O h I r a ile d h er a b out it , b ut th en th e fo ol s ta rte d b oo-h o oin g s o I le t h er o ff th e h o ok ju st s o s h e'd s h ut u p , to ld h er it w as h er C hris tm as p re se nt. S he o ught to g et a s to ck in g c ho ck fu ll o f c o al fo r a ll th e lie s s h e's to ld .
T hank th e L ord M is s H illy h asn 't s h o w ed u p h ere to p la y b rid ge, e ven th o ugh M is te r J o hnny tr ie d to s e t it u p a gain ju st tw o w eek s a go . I k no w b ecause A ib ile en to ld m e s h e h eard M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt la ughin g a b out it . M is s C elia g o t a ll s e rio us, a sk in g m e w hat to c o ok if th ey c o m e o ver.
O rd ere d a b ook in th e m ail to le arn th e g am e, Brid ge f o r t h e B eg in ner.
O ught to c all it Brid ge f o r t h e B ra in le ss.
W hen it c am e th is m orn in g in th e m ailb ox, s h e d id n't r e ad it fo r tw o s e co nd s b efo re s h e a sk ed , " W ill y o u te ach m e to p la y, M in ny? T his b rid ge b ook d oesn 't m ak e a lic k o f s e nse ." " I d on't k no w h o w to p la y n o b rid ge," I s a id .
" Y es, y o u d o." " H ow y o u k no w w hat I c an d o?" I s ta rte d b angin g p ots a ro und , ir rit a te d ju st b y th e lo oks o f th at s tu p id r e d c o ver. I fin ally g o t M is te r J o hnny o ut th e w ay a nd n o w I h ave to w orry a b out M is s H illy c o m in g o ver a nd r a ttin g m e o ut. S he'll te ll M is s C elia w hat I d id fo r s u re . S ho ot. I 'd fir e m y o w n s e lf f o r w hat I d id .
" B ecause M is su s W alt e rs to ld m e y o u u se d to p ra ctic e w it h h er o n S atu rd ay m orn in gs." I s ta rte d s c ru b bin g th e b ig p ot. M y k nuck le s h it th e s id es, m ak in g a c la ngin g n o is e .
" P la yin g c ard s is th e d evil's g am e," I s a id . " A nd I g o t to o m uch to d o a lr e ad y." " B ut I 'll g et a ll flu ste re d w it h th o se g ir ls o ver h ere tr y in g to te ach m e. W on't y o u ju st s h o w m e a lit tle ?" "N o." Mis s C elia h um med o ut a lit tle s ig h. " It's c ause I 'm s u ch a b ad c o ok, is n 't it ? Y ou th in k I c an't le arn anyth in g n o w ." "W hat y o u g o ne d o if M is s H illy a nd th em la d ie s te ll y o ur h usb and y o u g o t a m aid o ut h ere ? A in 't th at g o ne b lo w y o ur c o ver? " "I'v e a lr e ad y w ork ed th at o ut. I 'll te ll J o hnny I 'm b rin gin g in s o m e h elp fo r th e d ay s o it 'll lo ok p ro per and a ll fo r th e o th er la d ie s." "M m-h m m." "T hen I 'll te ll h im I lik e y o u s o m uch I w ant to h ir e y o u fu ll- tim e. I m ean, I c o uld te ll h im th at . . . in a fe w m onth s." I s ta rte d to s w eat th en. " W hen y o u th in k th em la d ie s is c o m in g o ver fo r y o ur b rid ge p arty ?" "I'm ju st w ait in g fo r H illy to c all m e b ack . J o hnny to ld h er h usb and I 'd b e c allin g. I le ft h er tw o messa ges, s o I 'm s u re s h e'll c all m e b ack a nytim e n o w ." I s ta nd th ere tr y in g to th in k o f s o m eth in g to s to p th is fr o m h ap penin g. I lo ok a t th e p ho ne, p ra y it never r in gs a gain .
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, w hen I g et in fo r w ork , M is s C elia c o m es o ut o f h er b ed ro om . I th in k sh e's a b out to s n eak u p sta ir s , w hic h s h e's s ta rte d to d o a gain , b ut th en I h ear h er o n th e k it c hen te le p ho ne a sk in g fo r M is s H illy . I g et a s ic k , s ic k fe elin g.
"I w as ju st c allin g a gain to s e e a b out g ettin g a b rid ge g am e to geth er!" s h e s a ys a ll c heerfu l a nd I don't m ove u ntil I k no w it 's Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid , s h e's ta lk in g to a nd n o t M is s H illy h ers e lf . M is s Celia s p ells o ut h er te le p ho ne n um ber lik e a flo or- m oppin g jin gle , " E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e!" And h alf a m in ute la te r, s h e's c allin g u p a no th er n am e fr o m th e b ack o f th at s tu p id p ap er, lik e s h e's go tte n in to th e h ab it o f d oin g e very o th er d ay. I k no w w hat th at th in g is , it 's th e n ew sle tte r fr o m th e Lad ie s L eague, a nd fr o m th e lo oks o f it s h e fo und it in th e p ark in g lo t o f th at la d ie s' c lu b . I t's r o ugh as s a nd pap er a nd w ilt e d , lik e it s a t th ro ugh a r a in sto rm a fte r b lo w in g o ut o f s o m eb ody's pock etb ook.
So fa r, n o t o ne o f th o se g ir ls h as e ver c alle d h er b ack , b ut e very tim e th at p ho ne r in gs, s h e ju m ps o n it lik e a d og o n a c o on. I t's a lw ays M is te r J o hnny.
"A lr ig ht...ju st...te ll h er I c alle d a gain ," M is s C elia s a ys in to th e p ho ne. I h ear h er h ang it u p r e al s o ft. I f I c are d , w hic h I d on't , I 'd te ll h er th o se la d ie s a in 't w orth it . " T ho se la d ie s a in 't w orth it , M is s C elia ," I h ear m yse lf s a yin g. B ut s h e a cts lik e s h e c an't h ear m e. S he g o es back to th e b ed ro om a nd c lo se s th e d oor.
I th in k a b out k no ck in g, s e ein g if s h e n eed s a nyth in g. B ut I 'v e g o t m ore im porta nt th in gs to w orry ab out th an if M is s C elia 's w on th e d am n p opula rit y c o nte st. W hat w it h M ed gar E vers s h o t o n h is ow n d oors te p a nd F elic ia c la m merin g fo r h er d riv er's lic ense , n o w th at s h e's tu rn ed fif te en--sh e's a go od g ir l b ut I g o t p re gnant w it h L ero y J u nio r w hen I w asn 't m uch o ld er th an h er a nd a B uic k h ad so m eth in g to d o w it h it . A nd o n to p o f a ll th at, n o w I 'v e g o t M is s S keete r a nd h er s to rie s to w orry ab out.
AT T H E E nd O f J U N E, a h eat w ave o f a h und re d d egre es m oves in a nd d oesn 't b ud ge. I t's lik e a ho t w ate r b ottle p lo pped o n to p o f th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od, m ak in g it te n d egre es w ors e th an th e re st o f J a ck so n. I t's s o h o t, M is te r D unn's r o oste r w alk s in m y d oor a nd s q uats h is r e d s e lf r ig ht in fr o nt o f m y k it c hen fa n. I c o m e in to fin d h im lo okin g a t m e lik e I a in 't m ovin g n ow here , la dy.
H e'd ra th er g et b eat w it h a b ro om th an g o b ack o ut in th at n o nse nse .
Out in M ad is o n C ounty , th e h eat o ffic ia lly m ak es M is s C elia th e la zie st p ers o n in th e U . S . o f A . S he won't e ven g et th e m ail o ut th e b ox a nym ore , I h ave to d o it . I t's e ven to o h o t fo r M is s C elia to s it out a t th e p ool. W hic h is a p ro ble m fo r m e.
See, I th in k if G od h ad in te nd ed fo r w hit e p eo ple a nd c o lo re d p eo ple to b e th is c lo se to geth er fo r s o much o f th e d ay, h e w ould 'v e m ad e u s c o lo r- b lin d . A nd w hile M is s C elia 's g rin nin g a nd " g o od morn in g" a nd " g la d to s e e"- in g m e, I 'm w ond erin g, h o w d id s h e g et th is fa r in lif e w it h o ut k no w in g where th e lin es a re d ra w n? I m ean, a flo ozy c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s is b ad e no ugh. B ut s h e h as s a t dow n a nd e ate n lu nch w it h m e e very s in gle d ay s in ce I s ta rte d w ork in g h ere . I d on't m ean in th e sa m e r o om , I m ean a t th e s a m e ta ble .
T hat lit tle o ne u p u nd er th e w in d ow . E very w hit e w om an I 'v e ever w ork ed fo r a te in th e d in in g r o om a s fa r a w ay fr o m th e c o lo re d h elp a s th ey c o uld . A nd th at was fin e w it h m e.
"B ut w hy? I d on't w ant to e at in th ere a ll b y m yse lf w hen I c o uld e at in h ere w it h y o u," M is s C elia sa id . I d id n't e ven tr y to e xp la in it to h er. T here a re s o m any th in gs M is s C elia is ju st p la in ig nora nt ab out.
Every o th er w hit e w om an a ls o k no w s th at th ere is a tim e o f th e m onth w hen y o u d o not to ta lk to Min ny. E ven M is s W alt e rs k new w hen th e M in -O -M ete r w as r u nnin g h o t. S he'd s m ell th e c ara m el co okin g a nd c ane h ers e lf r ig ht o ut th e d oor. W ould n't e ven le t M is s H illy c o m e o ver.
Last w eek , th e s u gar a nd b utte r h ad fille d M is s C elia 's w ho le h o use w it h th e s m ell o f C hris tm as e ven th o ugh it w as th e c ry in g s h am e o f J u ne. I w as te nse , a s u su al, tu rn in g m y s u gar to c ara m el. I a sk ed her th re e tim es, very p olit e ly , if I c o uld n't d o th is b y m yse lf , b ut s h e w ante d to b e in th ere w it h m e.
Said s h e w as g ettin g lo nely b ein g in h er b ed ro om a ll th e d ay lo ng. I tr ie d to ig no re h er. P ro ble m w as, I h ave to ta lk to m yse lf w hen I m ak e a c ara m el c ak e o r e ls e I g et to o jit te ry .
I s a id , " H otte st d ay in J u ne h is to ry . A h und re d a nd fo ur o uts id e." And s h e s a id , " D o y o u h ave a ir - c o nd it io nin g? T hank g o odness w e h ave it h ere c ause I g re w u p wit h o ut it a nd I k no w w hat it 's lik e b ein g h o t." And I s a id , " C an't a ffo rd n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g. T hem th in gs e at c urre nt lik e a b oll w eevil o n c o tto n." And I s ta rte d s tir rin g h ard b ecause th e b ro w n w as ju st fo rm in g o n th e to p a nd th at's w hen y o u'v e re ally g o t to w atc h it a nd I s a y, " W e a lr e ad y la te o n th e lig ht b ill, " b ecause I 'm n o t th in k in g s tr a ig ht and d o y o u k no w w hat s h e s a id ? S he s a id , " O h, M in ny, I w is h I c o uld lo an y o u th e m oney, b ut Jo hnny's b een a sk in g a ll th ese fu nny q uestio ns la te ly ," a nd I tu rn ed to in fo rm h er th at e very tim e a Negro c o m pla in ed a b out th e c o st o f liv in g d id n't m ean s h e w as b eggin g fo r m oney, b ut b efo re I co uld s a y a w ord , I 'd b urn ed u p m y d am n c ara m el.
AT S U N DAY C HURC H S ERV IC E, S hir le y B oon g ets u p in fr o nt o f th e c o ngre gatio n. W it h h er lip s fla p pin g lik e a fla g, s h e r e m in d s u s th at th e " C om munit y C oncern s" m eetin g is W ed nesd ay n ig ht, to dis c uss a s it - in a t th e W oolw orth 's lu nch c o unte r o n A mit e S tr e et. B ig n o sy S hir le y p oin ts h er fin ger at u s a nd s a ys, " T he m eetin g is a t s e ven s o b e o n tim e. N o e xcuse s!" S he r e m in d s m e o f a b ig , whit e , u gly s c ho olt e acher. T he k in d th at n o body e ver w ants to m arry .
"Y ou c o m in g o n W ed nesd ay?" a sk s A ib ile en. W e'r e w alk in g h o m e in th e th re e o 'c lo ck h eat. I 'v e g o t my fu nera l fa n in m y fis t. I 'm w avin g it s o fa st it lo oks lik e it 's g o t a m oto r o n it .
"I a in 't g o t tim e," I s a y.
"Y ou g o ne m ak e m e g o b y m yse lf a gain ? C om e o n, I 'm o n b rin g s o m e g in gerb re ad a nd s o m e--" "I sa id I c an't g o ." Aib ile en n o ds, s a ys, " A lr ig ht th en." S he k eep s w alk in g.
"B enny . . . m ig ht g et th e a sth m a a gain . I d on't w ant a le ave h im ." "M m-h m m," A ib ile en s a ys. " Y ou'n te ll m e th e r e al r e aso n w hen y o u r e ad y." We tu rn o n G essu m , w alk a ro und a c ar th at's p lu m b d ie d o f h eat s tr o ke in th e r o ad . " O h, fo re I fo rg et, M is s S keete r w ants to c o m e o ver e arly T uesd ay n ig ht," A ib ile en s a ys. " B out s e ven. Y ou mak e it th en?" "L ord ," I s a y, g ettin g ir rit a te d a ll o ver a gain . " W hat a m I d oin g? I m ust b e c ra zy, g iv in g th e s w orn se cre ts a th e c o lo re d r a ce to a w hit e la d y." "It's ju st M is s S keete r, s h e a in 't lik e th e r e st." "F eel lik e I 'm ta lk in g b ehin d m y o w n b ack ," I s a y. I 'v e m et w it h M is s S keete r a t le ast fiv e tim es n o w .
It's n o t g ettin g a ny e asie r.
"Y ou w ant a s to p c o m in g?" A ib ile en a sk s. " I d on't w ant y o u to fe el lik e y o u h ave to ." I d on't a nsw er her.
"Y ou s till th ere , M ?" s h e s a ys.
"I ju st . . . I w ant th in gs to b e b ette r fo r th e k id s," I s a y. " B ut it 's a s o rry fa ct th at it 's a w hit e w om an doin g th is ." "C om e to th e c o m munit y m eetin g w it h m e o n W ed nesd ay. W e ta lk m ore a b out it th en," A ib ile en s a ys wit h a lit tle s m ile .
I k new A ib ile en w ould n't d ro p it . I s ig h. " I g o t in tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "W it h w ho ?" "S hir le y B oon," I s a y. " L ast m eetin g e very b ody w as h o ld in g h and s a nd p ra yin g th ey g o ne le t b la ck s in th e w hit e b ath ro om a nd ta lk in g a b out h o w th ey g o ne s e t d ow n o n a s to ol a t W oolw orth 's a nd n o t fig ht b ack a nd th ey a ll s m ilin g lik e th is w orld g o ne b e a s h in y n ew p la ce a nd I ju st . . . I p opped . I to ld S hir le y B oon h er a ss w on't fit o n n o s to ol a t W oolw orth 's a nyw ay." "W hat S hir le y s a y?" I p ull o ut m y te acher la d y v o ic e.
"'I f y o u c a n't s a y n oth in g n ic e, t h en y o u o ught n ot s a y n oth in g at a ll.'" When w e g et to h er h o use , I lo ok o ver a t A ib ile en. S he's h o ld in g d ow n a la ugh s o h ard s h e's g o ne purp le .
"It a in 't fu nny," I s a y.
"I a m g la d y o u'r e m y fr ie nd , M in ny J a ck so n." A nd s h e g iv es m e a b ig h ug u ntil I r o ll m y e yes a nd te ll her I h ave to g o .
I k eep w alk in g a nd tu rn a t th e c o rn er. I d id n't w ant A ib ile en to k no w th at. I d on't w ant a nyb ody to kno w h o w m uch I n eed th o se S keete r s to rie s. N ow th at I c an't c o m e to th e S hir le y B oon m eetin gs anym ore , th at's p re tty m uch a ll I 'v e g o t. A nd I a m n o t s a yin g th e M is s S keete r m eetin gs a re fu n.
Every tim e w e m eet, I c o m pla in . I m oan. I g et m ad a nd th ro w a h o t p ota to fit . B ut h ere 's th e th in g: I lik e te llin g m y s to rie s. I t fe els lik e I 'm d oin g s o m eth in g a b out it . W hen I le ave, th e c o ncre te in m y chest h as lo ose ned , m elt e d d ow n s o I c an b re ath e fo r a fe w d ays.
And I k no w th ere a re p le nty o f o th er " c o lo re d " th in gs I c o uld d o b esid es te llin g m y s to rie s o r g o in g to S hir le y B oon's m eetin gs--th e m ass m eetin gs in to w n, th e m arc hes in B ir m in gham , th e v o tin g r a llie s up sta te . B ut tr u th is , I d on't c are th at m uch a b out v o tin g. I d on't c are a b out e atin g a t a c o unte r w it h whit e p eo ple . W hat I c are a b out is , if in te n y ears , a w hit e la d y w ill c all m y g ir ls d ir ty a nd a ccuse th em o f s te alin g th e s ilv er.
AT H O M E T H AT N IG HT, I g et th e b utte r b eans s im merin g, th e h am in th e s k ille t.
"K in d ra , g et e verb ody in h ere ," I s a y to m y s ix -y ear- o ld . " W e r e ad y to e at." "Suuuuppperrrrr," K in d ra y ells , n o t m ovin g a n in ch fr o m w here s h e's s ta nd in g.
"Y ou g o g et y o ur d ad dy th e p ro per w ay," I y ell. " W hat I te ll y o u a b out y ellin g in m y h o use ?" Kin d ra r o lls h er e yes a t m e lik e s h e's ju st b een a sk ed to d o th e s tu p id est th in g in th e w orld . S he sta m ps h er fe et d ow n th e h all. "Suuupperrr! " "K in dra ! " The k it c hen is th e o nly r o om in th e h o use w e c an a ll fit in to geth er. T he r e st a re s e t u p a s b ed ro om s.
Me a nd L ero y's r o om is in th e b ack , n ext to th at is a lit tle r o om fo r L ero y J u nio r a nd B enny, a nd th e fr o nt liv in g r o om 's b een tu rn ed in to a b ed ro om fo r F elic ia , S ugar, a nd K in d ra . S o a ll th at le aves is th e k it c hen. U nle ss it 's c ra zy c o ld o uts id e, o ur b ack d oor s ta ys o pen w it h th e s c re en s h ut to k eep out th e flie s. A ll th e tim e th ere 's th e r o ar o f k id s a nd c ars a nd n eig hb ors a nd d ogs b ark in g.
Lero y c o m es in a nd s it s a t th e ta b le n ext to B enny, w ho 's s e ven. F elic ia fills u p th e g la sse s w it h m ilk or w ate r. K in d ra c arrie s a p la te o f b eans a nd h am to h er d ad dy a nd c o m es b ack to th e s to ve fo r more . I h and h er a no th er p la te .
"T his o ne fo r B enny," I s a y.
"B enny, g et u p a nd h elp y o ur m am a," L ero y s a ys.
"B enny g o t th e a sth m a. H e d on't n eed to b e d oin g n o th in g." B ut m y s w eet b oy g ets u p a nyw ay, ta k es th e p la te fr o m K in d ra . M y k id s k no w h o w to w ork .
They a ll s e t a t th e ta b le e xcep t m e. T hre e c hild re n a re h o m e to nig ht. L ero y J u nio r, w ho 's a s e nio r a t Lenie r H ig h, is b aggin g g ro cerie s a t th e J it n ey 1 4. T hat's th e w hit e g ro cery s to re o ver in M is s H illy 's neig hb orh o od. S ugar, m y o ld est g ir l, in te nth g ra d e, b ab ysit s fo r o ur n eig hb or T allu la h w ho w ork s la te . W hen S ugar's fin is h ed , s h e'll w alk h o m e a nd d riv e h er d ad dy to th e la te s h if t a t th e p ip e-fit tin g pla nt, th en p ic k u p L ero y J u nio r fr o m th e g ro cery . L ero y S enio r w ill g et a r id e fr o m th e p la nt a t fo ur in th e m orn in g w it h T allu la h's h usb and . I t a ll w ork s o ut.
Lero y e ats , b ut h is e yes a re o n th e Ja ck so n J o urn al n ext to h is p la te . H e's n o t e xactly k no w n fo r his s w eet n atu re w hen h e w ak es u p . I g la nce o ver fr o m th e s to ve a nd s e e th e s it - in a t B ro w n's D ru g Sto re is th e fr o nt- p age n ew s. I t's n o t S hir le y's g ro up , it 's p eo ple fr o m G re enw ood. A b unch o f w hit e te enagers s ta nd b ehin d th e fiv e p ro te ste rs o n th eir s to ols , je erin g a nd ja b bin g, p ourin g k etc hup a nd musta rd a nd s a lt a ll o ver th eir h ead s.
"H ow th ey d o th at? " F elic ia p oin ts a t th e p ic tu re . " S it th ere w it h o ut fig htin g b ack ?" "T hat's w hat th ey s u p pose d to d o," s a ys L ero y.
"I fe el lik e s p it tin g lo okin g a t th at p ic tu re ," I s a y.
"W e ta lk a b out it la te r." L ero y fo ld s th e p ap er in q uarte rs a nd tu ck s it u nd er h is th ig h.
Felic ia s a ys to B enny, n o t q uie t e no ugh, " G ood th in g M am a w asn 't u p o n o ne a th em s to ols . E ls e no ne a th em w hit e fo lk s h ad a ny te eth le ft." "A nd M am a b e in th e P arc hm an ja il, " s a ys B enny fo r e very b ody to h ear.
Kin d ra p ro ps h er a rm o n h er h ip . " N uh-u h. A in 't n o body p uttin g m y m am a in ja il. I b eat th o se w hit e peo ple w it h a s tic k till th ey b le ed ." Lero y p oin ts h is fin ger a t e very o ne o f th em . " I d on't w ant to h ear a w ord a b out it o uts id e th is h o use .
It's to o d angero us. Y ou h ear m e, B enny? F elic ia ?" T hen h e p oin ts h is fin ger a t K in d ra . " Y ou h ear me?" Benny a nd F elic ia n o d th eir h ead s, lo ok d ow n a t th eir p la te s. I 'm s o rry I s ta rte d a ll th is a nd g iv e Kin d ra th e k eep -it - sh ut lo ok. B ut L it tle M is s S om eth in g s la p s h er fo rk d ow n o n th e ta b le , c lim bs o ut of h er c hair . " I h ate w hit e p eo ple ! A nd I 'm o n te ll e verb ody if I w ant to !" I c hase h er d ow n th e h all. W hen I c atc h h er, I p ota to s a ck h er b ack to th e ta b le .
"I'm s o rry , D ad dy," F elic ia s a ys b ecause s h e's th e k in d th at's g o in g to ta k e th e b la m e fo r e very o ne every tim e. " A nd I lo ok a fte r K in d ra . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e s a yin g." But L ero y s m ack s h is h and o n th e ta b le . " N obody's g ettin g in th at m ess! Y 'a ll h ear m e?" A nd h e sta re s h is c hild re n d ow n. I tu rn to th e s to ve s o h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. L ord h elp m e if h e fin d s o ut what I 'm d oin g w it h M is s S keete r.
All T H E N EX T W EEK , I h ear M is s C elia o n h er b ed ro om p ho ne, le avin g m essa ges a t M is s H illy 's ho use , E liz a b eth L eefo lt 's h o use , M is s P ark er's h o use , b oth C ald w ell s is te rs , a nd te n o th er s o cie ty la d ie s. E ven M is s S keete r's h o use , w hic h I d on't lik e o ne b it . I to ld M is s S keete r m yse lf :
Don't e v en th in k a bout c a llin g h er b ack . D on't t a ngle u p t h is w eb a ny m ore t h an it a lr e a dy is .
The ir rit a tin g p art is , a fte r M is s C elia m ak es th ese s tu p id c alls a nd h angs u p th e p ho ne, s h e p ic k s th at r e ceiv er r ig ht b ack u p . S he lis te ns fo r a d ia l to ne in c ase th e lin e d oesn 't g o fr e e.
"A in 't n o th in g w ro ng w it h th at p ho ne," I s a y. S he ju st k eep s s m ilin g a t m e lik e s h e's b een d oin g fo r a month n o w , lik e s h e's g o t a p ock etfu l o f p ap er m oney.
"W hy y o u in s u ch a g o od m ood?" I fin ally a sk h er. " M is te r J o hnny b ein g s w eet o r s o m eth in g?" I 'm lo ad in g u p m y n ext " W hen y o u g o ne te ll" b ut s h e b eats m e to it .
"O h, h e's b ein g s w eet a lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. " A nd it 's n o t g o nna b e m uch lo nger u ntil I te ll h im a b out yo u." "G ood," I s a y a nd I m ean it . I a m s ic k o f th is ly in g g am e. I im agin e h o w s h e m ust s m ile a t M is te r Jo hnny w hen s h e h and s h im m y p ork c ho ps, h o w th at n ic e m an h as to a ct lik e h e's s o p ro ud o f h er when h e k no w s it 's m e d oin g th e c o okin g. S he's m ak in g a fo ol o f h ers e lf , a fo ol o f h er n ic e h usb and , and a lia r o ut o f m e.
"M in ny, w ould y o u m in d fe tc hin g th e m ail fo r m e?" s h e a sk s e ven th o ugh s h e's s it tin g h ere a ll d re sse d and I 'v e g o t b utte r o n m y h and s a nd a w ash in th e m achin e a nd a m oto r b le nd er g o in g. S he's lik e a Philis tin e o n a S und ay, th e w ay s h e w on't ta k e b ut s o m any s te p s a d ay. E xcep t e very d ay's S und ay aro und h ere .
I c le an o ff m y h and s a nd h ead o ut to th e b ox, s w eat h alf a g allo n o n th e w ay. I m ean, it 's o nly n in ety - nin e d egre es o uts id e. T here 's a tw o-fo ot p ack age s it tin g n ext to th e m ailb ox, in th e g ra ss. I 'v e s e en her w it h th ese b ig b ro w n b oxes b efo re , fig ure it 's s o m e k in d o f b eauty c re am s h e's o rd erin g. B ut when I p ic k it u p , it 's h eavy. M ak es a tin k lin g s o und lik e I 'm to tin g C o-C ola b ottle s.
"Y ou g o t s o m eth in g, M is s C elia ." I p lo p th e b ox o n th e flo or o f th e k it c hen.
I'v e n ever s e en h er ju m p u p s o fa st. I n fa ct, th e o nly th in g fa st a b out M is s C elia is th e w ay s h e dre sse s. " It's ju st m y . . ." S he m um ble s s o m eth in g. S he h eaves th e b ox a ll th e w ay to h er b ed ro om and I h ear th e d oor s la m .
An h o ur la te r, I g o b ack in th e b ed ro om to s u ck th e r u gs. M is s C elia 's n o t la yin g d ow n a nd s h e's n o t in th e b ath ro om . I k no w s h e's n o t in th e k it c hen o r th e liv in g r o om o r o ut a t th e p ool a nd I ju st duste d fa ncy p arlo r n um ber o ne a nd n um ber tw o a nd v acuum ed th e b ear. W hic h m eans s h e m ust b e up sta ir s . I n th e c re ep y r o om s.
Befo re I g o t fir e d fo r a ccusin g M r. W hit e M anager o f w earin g a h air p ie ce, I u se d to c le an th e ballr o om s a t th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. T ho se b ig , e m pty r o om s w it h n o p eo ple s a nd th e lip stic k ed nap kin s a nd th e le fto ver s m ell o f p erfu m e g ave m e c hills . A nd s o d oes th e u p sta ir s o f M is s C elia 's ho use . T here 's e ven a n a ntiq ue c ra d le w it h M is te r J o hnny's o ld b ab y b onnet a nd s ilv er r a ttle th at I sw ear I c an h ear tin k lin g s o m etim es o n it s o w n a cco rd . A nd it 's th in k in g o f th at tin k lin g s o und th at mak es m e w ond er if th o se b oxes d on't h ave s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er s n eak in g u p to th o se r o om s every o th er d ay.
I d ecid e it 's tim e I g o u p th ere a nd ta k e a lo ok fo r m yse lf .
I K EEP a n E Y E O n M is s C elia th e n ext d ay, w ait in g fo r h er to s n eak u p sta ir s s o I c an s e e w hat sh e's u p to . A ro und tw o o 'c lo ck , s h e s tic k s h er h ead in th e k it c hen a nd g iv es m e a fu nny s m ile . A min ute la te r, I h ear th e s q ueak in th e c eilin g.
Real e asy, I h ead fo r th e s ta ir c ase . E ven th o ugh I tip to e, th e d is h es in th e s id eb oard ja ngle , th e flo orb oard s g ro an. I w alk s o s lo w ly u p th e s ta ir s , I c an h ear m y o w n b re ath in g. A t th e to p, I tu rn dow n th e lo ng h all. I p ass w id e o pen b ed ro om d oors , o ne, tw o, th re e. D oor n um ber fo ur, d ow n o n th e e nd , is c lo se d e xcep t fo r a n in ch. I m ove in a lit tle c lo se r. A nd th ro ugh th e c ra ck , I s p ot h er.
She's s it tin g o n th e y ello w tw in b ed b y th e w in d ow a nd s h e's n o t s m ilin g. T he p ack age I to te d in fr o m th e m ailb ox is o pen a nd o n th e b ed a re a d oze n b ottle s fille d w it h b ro w n liq uid . I t's a s lo w b urn th at r is e s u p m y b oso m s, m y c hin , m y m outh . I k no w th e lo ok o f th o se fla t b ottle s. I n urs e d a worth le ss p in t d rin k er fo r tw elv e y ears a nd w hen m y la zy, lif e -su ck in g d ad dy fin ally d ie d , I s w ore to God w it h te ars in m y e yes I 'd n ever m arry o ne. A nd th en I d id .
And n o w h ere I a m n urs in g a no th er g o ddam n d rin k er. T hese a re n't e ven s to re -b ought b ottle s, th ese have a r e d w ax to p lik e m y U ncle T oad u se d to c ap h is m oonsh in e w it h . M am a a lw ays to ld m e th e re al a lc o ho lic s, lik e m y d ad dy, d rin k th e h o m em ad e s tu ff b ecause it 's s tr o nger. N ow I k no w s h e's a s much a fo ol a s m y d ad dy w as a nd a s L ero y is w hen h e g ets o n th e O ld C ro w , o nly s h e d oesn 't chase m e w it h th e fr y in g p an.
Mis s C elia p ic k s a b ottle u p a nd lo oks a t it lik e it 's J e su s in th ere a nd s h e c an't w ait to g et s a ved .
She u nco rk s it , s ip s it , a nd s ig hs. T hen s h e d rin k s th re e h ard s w allo w s a nd la ys b ack o n h er fa ncy pillo w s.
My b ody s ta rts to s h ak e, w atc hin g th at e ase c ro ss h er fa ce. S he w as s o e ager to g et to h er ju ic e, sh e d id n't e ven c lo se th e d am n d oor. I h ave to g rit m y te eth s o I d on't s c re am a t h er. F in ally I fo rc e my w ay b ack d ow n th e s ta ir s .
When M is s C elia c o m es b ack d ow nsta ir s te n m in ute s la te r, s h e s it s a t th e k it c hen ta b le , a sk s m e if I'm r e ad y to e at.
"T here 's p ork c ho ps in th e ic eb ox a nd I 'm n o t e atin g lu nch to day," I s a y a nd s to m p o ut o f th e r o om .
That a fte rn o on M is s C elia 's in h er b ath ro om s it tin g o n th e to ile t lid . S he's g o t th e h air d ry er o n th e back ta nk a nd th e h o od p ulle d o ver h er b le ached h ead . W it h th at c o ntr a p tio n o n s h e w ould n't h ear th e A -b om b e xp lo de.
I g o u p sta ir s w it h m y o il r a gs a nd I o pen th at c up board fo r m yse lf . T w o d oze n fla t w his k ey b ottle s are h id den b ehin d s o m e r a tty o ld b la nk ets M is s C elia m ust'v e to te d w it h h er fr o m T unic a C ounty .
The b ottle s d on't h ave a ny la b els fa ste ned to th em , ju st th e s ta m p O ld K EN TU CK Y in th e g la ss.
Tw elv e a re fu ll, r e ad y fo r to m orro w . T w elv e a re e m pty fr o m la st w eek . J u st lik e a ll th ese d am n bed ro om s. N o w ond er th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny k id s.
On T H E F IR ST T H URSD AY o f J u ly , a t tw elv e n o on, M is s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e b ed fo r h er co okin g le sso n. S he's d re sse d in a w hit e s w eate r s o tig ht it 'd m ak e a h o oker lo ok h o ly . I s w ear h er clo th es g et tig hte r e very w eek .
We s e ttle in o ur p la ces, m e a t th e s to veto p, h er o n h er s to ol. I 'v e h ard ly s p oken w ord o ne to h er sin ce I fo und th o se b ottle s la st w eek . I 'm n o t m ad . I 'm ir a te . B ut I h ave s w orn e very d ay fo r th e p ast six d ays th at I w ould fo llo w M am a's R ule N um ber O ne. T o s a y s o m eth in g w ould m ean I c are d ab out h er a nd I d on't . I t's n o t m y b usin ess o r m y c o ncern if s h e's a la zy, d ru nk fo ol.
We la y th e b atte re d r a w c hic k en o n th e r a ck . T hen I h ave to r e m in d th e d in g-d ong fo r th e b obillio nth tim e to w ash h er h and s b efo re s h e k ills u s b oth .
I w atc h th e c hic k en s iz zle , tr y to fo rg et s h e's th ere . F ry in g c hic k en a lw ays m ak es m e fe el a lit tle bette r a b out lif e . I a lm ost fo rg et I 'm w ork in g fo r a d ru nk . W hen th e b atc h is d one, I p ut m ost o f it in th e r e fr ig era to r fo r s u p per th at n ig ht. T he r e st g o es o n a p la te fo r o ur lu nch. S he s it s d ow n a cro ss fr o m m e a t th e k it c hen ta b le , a s u su al.
"T ak e th e b re ast," s h e s a ys, h er b lu e e yes b uggin g o ut a t m e. " G o a head ." "I e at th e le g a nd th e th ig h," I s a y, ta k in g th em fr o m th e p la te . I th um b th ro ugh th e Ja ck so n J o urn al to th e M etr o s e ctio n. I p op u p th e s p in e o f m y n ew sp ap er in fr o nt o f m y fa ce s o I d on't h ave to lo ok at h er.
"B ut th ey d on't h ave h ard ly a ny m eat o n th em ." "T hey g o od. G re asy." I k eep r e ad in g, tr y in g to ig no re h er.
"W ell, " s h e s a ys, ta k in g th e b re ast, " I g uess th at m ak es u s p erfe ct c hic k en p artn ers th en." A nd a fte r a min ute s h e s a ys, " Y ou k no w , I 'm lu ck y to h ave y o u a s a fr ie nd , M in ny." I fe el th ic k , h o t d is g ust r is e u p in m y c hest. I lo w er m y p ap er a nd ju st lo ok a t h er. " N o m a'a m . W e ain 't fr ie nd s." "W ell . . . s u re w e a re ." S he s m ile s, lik e s h e's d oin g m e a b ig fa vo r.
"N o, M is s C elia . W e a in 't ." She b lin k s a t m e w it h h er fa k e e yela sh es.
Sto p it , M in ny, m y in sid es te ll m e. B ut I a lr e ad y k no w I can't . I k no w b y th e fis ts in m y h and s th at I c an't h o ld th is in a no th er m in ute .
"Is it . . ." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c hic k en. " B ecause y o u'r e c o lo re d ? O r b ecause y o u d on't . . . w ant to b e fr ie nd s w it h m e?" "S o m any r e aso ns, y o u w hit e a nd m e c o lo re d ju st fa ll s o m ew here in b etw een." She's n o t s m ilin g a t a ll n o w . " B ut . . . w hy?" "B ecause w hen I te ll y o u I 'm la te o n m y lig ht b ill, I a in 't a sk in g y o u fo r m oney," I s a y. "O h M in ny--" "B ecause y o u d on't e ven g iv e m e th e c o urte sy a te llin g y o ur h usb and I 'm w ork in g h ere . B ecause y o u in th is h o use tw enty -fo ur h o urs a d ay d riv in g m e in sa ne." "Y ou d on't u nd ers ta nd , I ca n't .
I c an't le ave." "B ut a ll th at is n o th in g c o m pare d to w hat I k no w n o w ." Her fa ce g o es a s h ad e p ale r u nd er h er m ak eup .
"A ll th is tim e, th ere I w as th in k in g y o u w ere d yin g a th e c ancer o r s ic k in th e h ead . P oor M is s C elia , all d ay lo ng." "I k no w it 's b een h ard . . ." "O h, I k no w y o u a in 't s ic k . I s e en y o u w it h th em b ottle s u p sta ir s . A nd y o u a in 't fo olin g m e a no th er se co nd ." "B ottle s? O h G od, M in ny, I - -" "I o ught to p our th em th in gs d ow n th e d ra in . I o ught to te ll M is te r J o hnny r ig ht n o w --" She s ta nd s u p , k no ck in g h er c hair o ver. " D on't y o u d are te ll- -" "Y ou a ct lik e y o u w ant k id s b ut y o u d rin k in g e no ugh to p ois o n a e le p hant! " "If y o u te ll h im , I 'll fir e y o u, M in ny!" S he's g o t te ars in h er e yes. " If y o u to uch th o se b ottle s, I 'll fir e yo u r ig ht n o w !" But th e b lo od's r u nnin g to o h o t in m y h ead to s to p n o w . " F ir e m e? W ho e ls e g o ne c o m e o ut h ere and w ork in s e cre t w hile y o u h ang a ro und th e h o use d ru nk a ll d ay?" "Y ou th in k I c an't fir e y o u? Y ou fin is h y o ur w ork to day, M in ny!" S he's b oo-h o oin g a nd p oin tin g h er fin ger a t m e. " Y ou e at y o ur c hic k en a nd th en y o u g o h o m e!" She p ic k s u p h er p la te w it h th e w hit e m eat a nd c harg es th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor. I h ear it c la tte r dow n o n th e lo ng fa ncy d in in g r o om ta b le , th e c hair le gs s c ra p in g a gain st th e flo or. I s in k d ow n in m y se at b ecause m y k nees a re s h ak in g, a nd s ta re d ow n a t m y c hic k en.
I j u st lo st a noth er d am n j o b.
I W AK E u p S ATU RD AY M ORN IN G a t s e ven a .m . to a c la ngin g h ead ache a nd a r a w to ngue. I must'v e b it te n d ow n o n it a ll n ig ht lo ng. Lero y lo oks a t m e th ro ugh o ne e ye b ecause h e k no w s s o m eth in g's u p . H e k new it la st n ig ht a t su p per a nd s m elle d it w hen h e w alk ed in a t fiv e o 'c lo ck th is m orn in g.
"W hat's e atin g y o u? A in 't g o t tr o ub le a t w ork , d o y o u?" h e a sk s fo r th e th ir d tim e.
"N oth in g e atin g m e e xcep t fiv e k id s a nd a h usb and . Y 'a ll d riv in g m e u p a w all. " The la st th in g I n eed h im to k no w is th at I 'v e to ld o ff a no th er w hit e la d y a nd lo st a no th er jo b. I p ut on m y p urp le h o use d re ss a nd s to m p to th e k it c hen. I c le an it lik e it 's n ever b een c le aned .
"M am a, w here y o u g o in g?" y ells K in d ra . " I'm h ungry ." "I'm g o in g to A ib ile en's . M am a n eed to b e w it h s o m eb ody n o t p ullin g o n h er fo r fiv e m in ute s." I p ass Sugar s it tin g o n th e fr o nt s te p s. " S ugar, g o g et K in d ra s o m e b re ak fa st." "S he a lr e ad y a te . J u st a h alf h o ur a go ." "W ell, s h e h ungry a gain ." I w alk th e tw o b lo ck s to A ib ile en's h o use , a cro ss T ic k R oad o nto F aris h S tr e et. E ven th o ugh it 's h o t as s in a nd s te am 's a lr e ad y r is in g o ff th e b la ck to p, k id s a re th ro w in g b alls , k ic k in g c ans, s k ip pin g ro pe. " H ey th ere , M in ny," s o m eo ne s a ys to m e a b out e very fif ty fe et. I n o d, b ut I d on't g et fr ie nd ly .
Not to day.
I c ut th ro ugh I d a P eek 's g ard en. A ib ile en's k it c hen d oor is o pen. A ib ile en's s it tin g a t h er ta b le re ad in g o ne o f th o se b ooks M is s S keete r g o t h er fr o m th e w hit e lib ra ry . S he lo oks u p w hen s h e hears th e s c re en d oor w hin e. I g uess s h e c an te ll I 'm a ngry .
"L ord h ave m erc y, w ho d one w hat to y o u?" "C elia R ae F oote , th at's w ho ." I s it d ow n a cro ss fr o m h er. A ib ile en g ets u p a nd p ours m e s o m e co ffe e.
"W hat s h e d o?" I te ll h er a b out th e b ottle s I fo und . I d on't k no w w hy I h ad n't to ld h er a w eek a nd a h alf a go w hen I fo und th em . M ayb e I d id n't w ant h er to k no w s o m eth in g s o a w fu l a b out M is s C elia . M ayb e I fe lt bad b ecause A ib ile en w as th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut n o w I 'm s o m ad I le t it a ll s p ill o ut.
"A nd th en s h e fir e d m e." "O h, L aw , M in ny." "S ay s h e g o ne fin d a no th er m aid . B ut w ho g o ne w ork fo r th at la d y? S om e n ap py-h ead ed c o untr y maid a lr e ad y liv in g o ut th ere , w on't k no w s q uat a b out s e rv in g fr o m th e le ft, c le arin g fr o m th e r ig ht." "Y ou th o ught a b out a p olo giz in g? M ayb e y o u g o in M ond ay m orn in g, ta lk to --" "I a in 't a p olo giz in g to n o d ru nk . I n ever a p olo giz e d to m y d ad dy a nd I s u re a in 't a p olo giz in g to h er." We'r e b oth q uie t. I th ro w b ack m y c o ffe e, w atc h a h o rs e fly b uzz a gain st A ib ile en's s c re en d oor, kno ck in g w it h it s h ard u gly h ead , whap, w hap, w hap, u ntil it fa lls d ow n o n th e s te p . S pin s a ro und lik e a c ra zy fo ol.
"C an't s le ep . C an't e at," I s a y.
"I te ll y o u, th at C elia m ust b e th e w ors t o ne y o u ev er h ad to te nd to ." "T hey a ll b ad . B ut s h e th e w ors t o f a ll. " "A in 't th ey? Y ou r e m em ber th at tim e M is s W alt e r m ak e y o u p ay fo r th e c ry sta l g la ss y o u b ro ke? T en dolla rs o ut a y o ur p ay? T hen y o u fin d o ut th em g la sse s o nly c o st th re e d olla rs a p ie ce d ow n a t Carte r's ? " "M m-h m m." "O h, a nd y o u r e m em ber th at c ra zy M is te r C harlie , th e o ne w ho a lw ays c all y o u n ig ger to y o ur fa ce lik e h e th in k it 's fu nny. A nd h is w if e , th e o ne w ho m ak e y o u e at lu nch o uts id e, e ven in th e m id dle a Ja nuary ? E ven w hen it s n o w ed th at tim e?" "M ak e m e c o ld ju st th in k in g b out it ." "A nd w hat- -" A ib ile en is c huck lin g, tr y in g to ta lk a t th e s a m e tim e. " W hat a b out th at M is s R oberta ?
Way s h e m ak e y o u s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le w hile s h e tr y o ut h er n ew h air d ye s o lu tio n o n y o u?" Aib ile en w ip es a t h er e yes. " L ord , I n ever s e en b lu e h air o n a b la ck w om an b efo re o r s in ce. L ero y sa y y o u lo ok lik e a c ra ck er fr o m o ute r s p ace." "A in 't n o th in g fu nny b out th at. T ook m e th re e w eek s a nd tw enty -fiv e d olla rs to g et m y h air b la ck again ." Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead , b re ath es o ut a h ig h-k eyed " H uhhhhm ," ta k es a s ip o f h er c o ffe e.
"M is s C elia th o ugh," s h e s a ys. " W ay s h e tr e at y o u? H ow m uch s h e p ayin g y o u to p ut u p w it h M is te r Jo hnny a nd th e c o okin g le sso ns? M ust b e le ss th an a ll o f e m ." "Y ou k no w s h e p ayin g m e d oub le ." "O h, th at's r ig ht. W ell, a nyw ay, w it h a ll h er fr ie nd s c o m in g o ver, s p ectin g y o u to c le an u p a fte r e m a ll th e tim e." I ju st lo ok a t h er.
"A nd th em te n k id s s h e g o t to o." A ib ile en p re sse s h er n ap kin to h er lip s, h id es h er s m ile . " M ust d riv e yo u in sa ne th e w ay th ey s c re am in g a ll d ay, m essin g u p th at b ig o ld h o use ." "I th in k y o u d one m ad e y o ur p oin t, A ib ile en." Aib ile en s m ile s, p ats m e o n th e a rm . " I'm s o rry , h o ney. B ut y o u m y b est fr ie nd . A nd I th in k y o u g o t so m eth in g p re tty g o od o ut th ere . S o w hat if s h e ta k e a n ip o r tw o to g et th ro ugh th e d ay? G o ta lk to her M ond ay." I fe el m y fa ce c rin k le u p . " Y ou th in k s h e ta k e m e b ack ? A fte r e verth in g I s a id ?" "N obody e ls e g o ne w ait o n h er. A nd s h e k no w it ." "Y eah. S he d um b." I s ig h. " B ut s h e a in 't s tu p id ." I g o o n h o m e. I d on't te ll L ero y w hat's b oth erin g m e, b ut I th in k a b out it a ll d ay a nd a ll w eek end lo ng. I 'v e b een fir e d m ore tim es th an I h ave fin gers . I p ra y to G od I c an g et m y jo b b ack o n Mond ay.
ch ap te r 1 8 O N M ONDAY M ORN IN G, I d riv e to w ork r e hears in g th e w ho le w ay.
I k now I m outh ed o ff . . .
I w alk in to h er k it c hen.
And I k now I w as o ut o f p la ce ... I s e t m y b ag d ow n in th e c hair , and . . .
a nd . . .
T his is th e h ard p art.
And I 'm s o rry.
I b ra ce m yse lf w hen I h ear M is s C elia 's fe et p ad din g th ro ugh th e h o use . I d on't k no w w hat to e xp ect, if s h e'll b e m ad o r c o ld o r ju st fla t o ut r e -fir e m e. A ll I k no w is , I 'm d oin g th e ta lk in g fir st.
" M orn in g," s h e s a ys. M is s C elia 's s till in h er n ig htg o w n. S he h asn 't e ven b ru sh ed h er h air , m uch le ss p ut th e g o o o n h er fa ce.
" M is s C elia , I g o t to . . . te ll y o u s o m eth in g . . ." S he g ro ans, fla tte ns h er h and a gain st h er s to m ach.
" Y ou . . . fe el b ad ?" " Y eah." S he p uts a b is c uit a nd s o m e h am o n a p la te , th en ta k es th e h am b ack o ff.
" M is s C elia , I w ant y o u to k no w --" B ut s h e w alk s r ig ht o ut w hile I 'm ta lk in g a nd I k no w I a m in s o m e k in d o f tr o ub le .
I g o a head a nd d o m y w ork . M ayb e I 'm c ra zy to a ct lik e th e jo b's s till m in e. M ayb e s h e w on't e ven p ay m e fo r to day. A fte r lu nch, I tu rn o n M is s C hris tin e o n As t h e W orld T urn s a nd d o th e ir o nin g.
U su ally , M is s C elia c o m es in a nd w atc hes w it h m e, b ut n o t to day. W hen th e p ro gra m 's o ver, I w ait o n h er a w hile in th e k it c hen, b ut M is s C elia d oesn 't e ven c o m e in fo r h er le sso n. T he b ed ro om d oor s ta ys c lo se d , a nd b y tw o o 'c lo ck I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g e ls e to d o e xcep t c le an th eir b ed ro om . I f e el a d re ad lik e a fr y in g p an in m y s to m ach. I w is h I 'd g o tte n m y w ord s in th is m orn in g w hen I h ad t h e c hance.
F in ally , I g o to th e b ack o f th e h o use , lo ok a t th at c lo se d d oor. I k no ck a nd th ere 's n o a nsw er.
F in ally , I ta k e a c hance a nd o pen it .
B ut th e b ed is e m pty . N ow I 'v e g o t th e s h ut b ath ro om d oor to c o nte nd w it h .
" I'm o n d o m y w ork in h ere ," I c all o ut. T here 's n o a nsw er, b ut I k no w s h e's in th ere . I c an fe el h er b ehin d th at d oor. I 'm s w eatin g. I w ant to g et th is d am n c o nvers a tio n o ver w it h .
I g o a ro und th e r o om w it h m y la und ry s a ck , s tu ffin g a w eek end 's w orth o f c lo th es in sid e. T he b ath ro om d oor s ta ys c lo se d w it h n o s o und . I k no w th at b ath ro om in th ere 's a m ess. I lis te n fo r s o m e l if e a s I p ull th e s h eets u p ta ut o n th e b ed . T he p ale y ello w b ols te r p illo w is th e u glie st th in g I 'v e e ver s e en, p ack aged o n th e e nd s lik e a b ig y ello w h o td og. I s m ack it d ow n o n th e m attr e ss, s m ooth th e b ed sp re ad o ut.
I w ip e d ow n th e b ed sid e ta b le , s ta ck th e Look m agazin es o n h er s id e, th e b rid ge b ook s h e o rd ere d .
I s tr a ig hte n th e b ooks o n M is te r J o hnny's . H e r e ad s a lo t. I p ic k u p To K ill a M ock in gbir d a nd tu rn i t o ver. "W ell lo ok a th ere ." A b ook w it h b la ck fo lk s in it . I t m ak es m e w ond er if , o ne d ay, I 'll s e e M is s Skeete r's b ook o n a b ed sid e ta b le . N ot w it h m y r e al n am e in it , th at's fo r s u re .
Fin ally , I h ear a n o is e , s o m eth in g s c ru ff a gain st th e b ath ro om d oor. " M is s C elia ," I c all o ut a gain , " I'm out h ere . J u st w ant y o u to k no w ." But th ere 's n o th in g.
"T hat a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess w hate ver's g o in g o n in th ere ," I s a y to m yse lf . T hen I h o lle r, " J u st go ne d o m y w ork a nd g et o ut a h ere b efo re M is te r J o hnny g ets h o m e w it h th e p is to l. " I 'm h o pin g th at'll d ra w h er o ut. I t d oesn 't .
"M is s C elia , th ey's s o m e L ad y-a -P in k am u nd er th e s in k . D rin k th at u p a nd c o m e o ut s o I c an d o m y work in th ere ." Fin ally , I ju st s to p, s ta re a t th e d oor. A m I fir e d o r a m I a in 't ? A nd if I a in 't , th en w hat if s h e's s o dru nk , s h e c an't h ear m e? M is te r J o hnny a sk ed m e to lo ok a fte r h er. I d on't th in k th is w ould q ualif y as lo okin g a fte r if s h e's d ru nk in th e b ath tu b .
"M is s C elia , ju st s a y s o m eth in g s o I k no w y o u s till a liv e in th ere ." "I'm fin e." But s h e d oes n o t s o und fin e to m e.
"It's a lm ost th re e o 'c lo ck ." I s ta nd in th e m id dle o f th e b ed ro om , w ait in g. " M is te r J o hnny b e h o m e so on." I n eed to k no w w hat's g o in g o n in th ere . I n eed to k no w if s h e's la id o ut d ru nk . A nd if I a in 't fir e d , th en I n eed to c le an th at b ath ro om s o M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't th in k th e s e cre t m aid is s la ck in g a nd fir e me a s e co nd tim e.
"C om e o n, M is s C elia , y o u m ess u p th e h air c o lo rin g a gain ? I h elp ed y o u fix it la st tim e, r e m em ber?
We g o t it b ack r e al p re tty ." The k no b tu rn s. S lo w ly , th e d oor o pens. M is s C elia 's s it tin g o n th e flo or, to th e r ig ht o f th e d oor. H er knees a re d ra w n u p in sid e h er n ig htg o w n.
I s te p a lit tle c lo se r. F ro m th e s id e, I c an s e e h er c o m ple xio n is th e c o lo r o f fa b ric s o fte ner, a fla t milk y b lu e.
I c an a ls o s e e b lo od in th e to ile t b ow l. A lo t o f it .
"Y ou g o t th e c ra m ps, M is s C elia ?" I w his p er. I fe el m y n o str ils fla re .
Mis s C elia d oesn 't tu rn a ro und . T here 's a lin e o f b lo od a lo ng th e h em o f h er w hit e n ig htg o w n, lik e it dip ped d ow n in to th e to ile t.
"Y ou w ant m e to c all M is te r J o hnny?" I s a y. I tr y , b ut I c an't s to p m yse lf fr o m lo okin g a t th at r e d fu ll bow l. B ecause th ere 's s o m eth in g e ls e d eep d ow n in th at r e d liq uid . S om eth in g . . . s o lid -lo okin g.
"N o." M is s C elia s a ys, s ta rin g a t th e w all. " F etc h m e . . . m y p ho ne b ook." I h urry to th e k it c hen, s n atc h th e b ook fr o m th e ta b le , r u sh b ack . B ut w hen I tr y to h and it to M is s Celia , s h e w aves it a w ay.
"P le ase , y o u c all, " s h e s a ys. " U nd er T , fo r D octo r T ate . I c an't d o it a gain ." I s k ip th ro ugh th e th in p ages o f th e b ook. I k no w w ho D octo r T ate is . H e d octo rs m ost o f th e w hit e wom en I 'v e w ait e d o n. H e a ls o g iv es h is " s p ecia l tr e atm ent" to E la in e F air le y e very T uesd ay w hen his w if e is a t h er h air a p poin tm ent.
Ta ft . . . T a ggert . . . T a nn. T hank t h e L ord .
My h and s tr e m ble a ro und th e r o ta ry d ia l. A w hit e w om an a nsw ers . " C elia F oote , o n H ig hw ay Tw enty -T w o o ut M ad is o n C ounty ," I te ll h er a s b est I c an w it h o ut y ack in g o n th e flo or. " Y es m a'a m , lo ts a nd lo ts a b lo od c o m in g o ut... D o h e k no w h o w to g et h ere ?" S he s a ys y es, o f c o urs e , a nd hangs u p .
"H e's c o m in g?" a sk s C elia .
"H e c o m in g," I s a y. A no th er w ave o f n ause a s n eak s u p o n m e. I t'll b e a lo ng tim e u ntil I c an s c ru b th at to ile t a gain w it h o ut g aggin g.
"Y ou w ant a C o-C ola ? I 'm o n g et y o u a C o-C ola ." In th e k it c hen, I g et a b ottle o f C oca-C ola fr o m th e r e fr ig era to r. I c o m e b ack a nd s e t it o n th e tile and b ack a w ay. A s fa r fr o m th at r e d -fille d p ot a s I c an w it h o ut le avin g M is s C elia a lo ne.
"M ayb e w e s h o uld g et y o u u p in th e b ed , M is s C elia . Y ou th in k y o u c an s ta nd u p ?" Mis s C elia le ans fo rw ard , tr ie s to p ush h ers e lf u p . I s te p in to h elp h er a nd s e e th at th e b lo od h as so ak ed th ro ugh th e s e at o f h er n ig htg o w n, s ta in ed th e b lu e tile w it h w hat lo oks lik e r e d g lu e, em bed ded in th e g ro ut. S ta in s th at w on't b e e asy to g et u p .
Ju st a s I r a is e h er to h er fe et, M is s C elia s lip s in a s p ot o f b lo od, c atc hes th e e d ge o f to ile t b ow l to ste ad y h ers e lf . " L et m e s ta y--I w ant to s ta y h ere ." "A lr ig ht th en." I b ack a w ay, in to th e b ed ro om . " D octo r T ate b e h ere r e al s o on. T hey c allin g h im u p at h o m e." "C om e a nd s e t w it h m e, M in ny? P le ase ?" But th ere 's a w aft o f w arm , w re tc hed a ir c o m in g o ff th at to ile t. A fte r s o m e fig urin g, I s it w it h h alf m y botto m in th e b ath ro om , h alf o ut. A nd a t e ye-le vel, I c an r e ally s m ell it . I t s m ells lik e m eat, lik e ham burg er d efr o stin g o n th e c o unte r. I k in d o f p anic w hen I p ut th at o ne to geth er.
"C om e o n o ut o f h ere , M is s C elia . Y ou n eed s o m e a ir ." "I c an't g et th e b lo od o n th e . . . r u g o r J o hnny w ill s e e it ." T he v ein s o n M is s C elia 's a rm lo ok b la ck und er h er s k in . H er fa ce is g ettin g w hit e r.
"Y ou g ettin g fu nny-lo okin g. D rin k y o u a lit tle a th is C o-C ola ." She ta k es a s ip , s a ys, " O h M in ny." "H ow lo ng y o u b een b le ed in g?" "S in ce th is m orn in g," s h e s a ys a nd s ta rts c ry in g in to th e c ro ok o f h er a rm .
"It's a lr ig ht, y o u g o ne b e fin e," I s a y a nd I s o und r e al s o oth in g, r e al c o nfid ent, b ut in sid e m y h eart is pound in g. S ure , D octo r T ate 's c o m in g to h elp M is s C elia , b ut w hat a b out th e th in g in th e to ile t?
What a m I s u p pose d to d o, flu sh it ? W hat if it g ets s tu ck in th e p ip es? I t'll h ave to b e fis h ed u p . O h Lord , h o w a m I g o in g to m ak e m yse lf d o th at?
"T here 's s o m uch b lo od," s h e m oans, le anin g a gain st m e. " W hy's th ere s o m uch b lo od th is tim e?" I r a is e m y c hin a nd lo ok, ju st a lit tle , in th e b ow l. B ut I h ave to lo ok d ow n a gain q uic k .
"D on't le t J o hnny s e e it . O h G od, w hen . . . w hat tim e is it ? " "F iv e to th re e. W e g o t s o m e tim e." "W hat s h o uld w e d o a b out it ? " a sk s M is s C elia .
We.
G od fo rg iv e m e, b ut I w is h th ere w asn 't a " w e" m ix ed u p in th is .
I s h ut m y e yes, s a y, " I g uess o ne a u s is g o ne h ave to p ull it o ut." Mis s C elia tu rn s to m e w it h h er r e d -rim med e yes. " A nd p ut it w here ?" I c an't lo ok a t h er. " I g uess . . . in th e g arb age p ail. " "P le ase , d o it n o w ." M is s C elia b urie s h er h ead in h er k nees lik e s h e's a sh am ed .
There 's n o t e ven a we n o w . N ow it 's w ill yo u d o it . W ill yo u fis h m y d ead b ab y o ut o f th at to ile t bow l.
And w hat c ho ic e d o I h ave?
I h ear a w hin e c o m e o ut o f m e. T he tile flo or is s m ash in g a gain st m y fa t. I s h if t, g ru nt, tr y to th in k it th ro ugh. I m ean, I 'v e d one w ors e th an th is , h aven't I ? N oth in g c o m es to m in d , b ut th ere h as to b e so m eth in g.
"P le ase ," M is s C elia s a ys, " I c an't . . . lo ok a t it n o m ore ." "A lr ig ht." I n o d, lik e I k no w w hat I 'm d oin g. " I'm o n ta k e c are a th is th in g." I s ta nd u p , tr y to g et p ra ctic al. I k no w w here I 'll p ut it - -in th e w hit e g arb age p ail n ext to th e to ile t.
Then th ro w th e w ho le th in g o ut. B ut w hat w ill I u se to g et it o ut w it h ? M y h and ? I b it e m y lip , tr y to s ta y c alm . M ayb e I s h o uld ju st w ait . M ayb e . . . m ayb e th e d octo r w ill w ant to ta k e it w it h h im w hen h e c o m es! E xam in e it . I f I c an g et M is s C elia o ff it a fe w m in ute s, m ayb e I won't h ave to d eal w it h it a t a ll.
"W e lo ok a fte r it in a m in ute ," I s a y in th at r e assu rin g v o ic e. " H ow fa r a lo ng y o u th in k y o u w as? " I ease c lo se r to th e b ow l, d on't d are s to p ta lk in g.
"F iv e m onth s? I d on't k no w ." M is s C elia c o vers h er fa ce w it h a w ash ra g. " I w as ta k in g a s h o w er and I fe lt it p ullin g d ow n, h urtin g. S o I s e t o n th e to ile t a nd it s lip ped o ut. L ik e it w ante d out o f m e ." She s ta rts s o bbin g a gain , h er s h o uld ers je rk in g fo rw ard o ver h er b ody.
Care fu lly , I lo w er th e to ile t lid d ow n a nd s e ttle b ack o n th e flo or.
"L ik e it 'd r a th er b e d ead th an s ta nd b ein g in sid e m e a no th er s e co nd ." "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , th at's ju st G od's w ay. S om eth in g a in 't g o in g r ig ht in y o ur in nard s, n atu re g o t to d o s o m eth in g a b out it . S eco nd tim e, y o u g o ne c atc h." B ut th en I th in k a b out th o se b ottle s a nd fe el a r ip ple o f a nger.
"T hat w as . . . th e s e co nd tim e." "O h L ord y." "W e g o t m arrie d c ause I w as p re gnant," M is s C elia s a ys, " b ut it . . . it s lip ped o ut to o." I c an't h o ld it in a no th er s e co nd . " T hen w hy in th e h eck a re y o u d rin k in g? Y ou k no w y o u c an't h o ld no b ab y w it h a p in t o f w his k ey in y o u." "W his k ey?" Oh p le ase . I c an't e ven lo ok a t h er w it h th at " w hat- w his k ey?" lo ok. A t le ast th e s m ell's n o t a s b ad wit h th e lid c lo se d . W hen is th at fo ol d octo r c o m in g?
"Y ou th o ught I w as . . ." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " It's c atc h to nic ." S he c lo se s h er e yes. " F ro m a Cho cta w o ver in F elic ia na P aris h . . ." "C ho cta w ?" I b lin k . S he is s tu p id er th an I e ver im agin ed . " Y ou c an't tr u st th em I n d ia ns. D on't y o u kno w w e p ois o ned th eir c o rn ? W hat if s h e tr y in g to p ois o n y o u?" "D octo r T ate s a id it 's ju st m ola sse s a nd w ate r," s h e c rie s d ow n in to h er to w el. " B ut I h ad to tr y it . I had to ." Well. I 'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w lo ose m y b ody g o es, h o w r e lie ved I a m b y th is . " T here 's n o th in g w ro ng wit h ta k in g y o ur tim e, M is s C elia . B elie ve m e, I g o t fiv e k id s." "B ut J o hnny w ants k id s n o w . O h M in ny." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " W hat's h e g o in g to d o w it h m e?" "H e g o ne g et o ver it , th at's w hat. H e g o ne fo rg et th ese b ab ie s c ause m ens is r e al g o od a t th at. G et to ho pin g fo r th e n ext o ne." "H e d oesn 't k no w a b out th is o ne. O r th e o ne b efo re ." "Y ou s a id th at's w hy h e m arrie d y o u." "T hat fir s t tim e, h e k new ." M is s C elia le ts o ut a b ig s ig h. " T his tim e's r e ally th e . . . fo urth ." She s to ps c ry in g a nd I d on't h ave a ny g o od th in gs le ft to s a y. F or a m in ute , w e'r e ju st tw o p eo ple wond erin g w hy th in gs a re th e w ay th ey a re .
"I k ep t th in k in g," s h e w his p ers , " if I w as r e al s till, if I b ro ught s o m eb ody in to d o th e h o use a nd th e co okin g, m ayb e I c o uld h o ld o n to th is o ne." S he c rie s d ow n in to h er to w el. " I w ante d th is b ab y to lo ok ju st lik e J o hnny." "M is te r J o hnny a g o od-lo okin g m an. G ot g o od h air . . ." Mis s C elia lo w ers th e to w el fr o m h er fa ce.
I w ave m y h and in th e a ir , r e aliz e w hat I 'v e ju st d one. " I g o t to g et s o m e a ir . H ot in h ere ." "H ow d o y o u k no w . . .? " I lo ok a ro und , tr y to th in k o f a lie , b ut fin ally I ju st s ig h. " H e k no w s. M is te r J o hnny c am e h o m e a nd fo und m e." "W hat? " "Y es'm . H e te ll m e n o t to te ll y o u s o y o u g o r ig ht o n th in k in g h e's p ro ud a y o u. H e lo ve y o u s o m uch, Mis s C elia . I s e en it in h is fa ce h o w m uch." "B ut . . . h o w lo ng h as h e k no w n?" "A fe w . . . m onth s." "M onth s? W as h e--w as h e u p se t th at I 'd lie d ?" "H eck n o . H e e ven c all m e u p a t h o m e a fe w w eek s la te r to m ak e s u re I d id n't h ave n o p la ns to q uit .
Say h e a fr a id h e g o ne s ta rv e if I le ft." "O h M in ny," s h e c rie s. " I'm s o rry . I 'm r e al s o rry a b out e very th in g." "I b een in w ors e s it u atio ns." I 'm th in k in g a b out th e b lu e h air d ye. E atin g lu nch in th e fr e ezin g c o ld .
And r ig ht n o w . T here 's s till th e b ab y in th e to ile t th at s o m eo ne's g o in g to h ave to d eal w it h .
"I d on't k no w w hat to d o, M in ny." "D octo r T ate te ll y o u to k eep tr y in g, th en I g uess y o u k eep tr y in g." "H e h o lle rs a t m e. S ays I 'm w astin g m y tim e in b ed ." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " H e's a m ean, a w fu l man." She p re sse s th e to w el h ard a gain st h er e yes. " I c an't d o th is a nym ore ." A nd th e h ard er s h e c rie s, th e whit e r s h e tu rn s.
I tr y to fe ed h er a fe w m ore s ip s o f C o-C ola b ut s h e w on't ta k e it . S he c an't h ard ly lif t h er h and to wave it a w ay.
"I'm g o in g to . . . b e s ic k . I 'm --" I g ra b th e g arb age c an, w atc h a s M is s C elia v o m it s o ver it . A nd th en I fe el s o m eth in g w et o n m e and I lo ok d ow n a nd th e b lo od's c o m in g s o fa st n o w , it 's le ak ed o ver to w here I 'm s it tin g. E very tim e sh e h eaves, th e b lo od p ush es o ut o f h er. I k no w s h e lo sin g m ore th an a p ers o n c an h and le .
"S it u p , M is s C elia ! G et a g o od b re ath , n o w ," I s a y, b ut s h e's s lu m pin g a gain st m e.
"N uh-u h, y o u d on't w ant a la y d ow n. C om e o n." I p ush h er b ack u p b ut s h e's g o ne lim p a nd I fe el te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes b ecause th at d am n d octo r s h o uld b e h ere b y n o w . H e s h o uld 'v e s e nt a n am bula nce a nd in th e tw enty -fiv e y ears I 'v e b een c le anin g h o use s n o body e ver te lls y o u w hat to d o when y o ur w hit e la d y k eels o ver d ead o n to p o f y o u.
"C om e o n, M is s C elia !" I s c re am , b ut s h e's a s o ft w hit e lu m p n ext to m e, a nd th ere is n o th in g I c an do b ut s it a nd tr e m ble a nd w ait .
Many m in ute s p ass b efo re th e b ack b ell r in gs. I p ro p M is s C elia 's h ead o n a to w el, ta k e o ff m y sh o es s o I d on't tr a ck th e b lo od o ver th e h o use , a nd r u n fo r th e d oor.
"S he d one p asse d o ut! " I te ll th e d octo r, a nd th e n urs e p ush es p ast m e a nd h ead s to th e b ack lik e sh e k no w s h er w ay a ro und . S he p ulls th e s m ellin g s a lt s o ut a nd p uts th em u nd er M is s C elia 's n o se and M is s C elia je rk s h er h ead , le ts o ut a lit tle c ry , a nd o pens h er e yes.
The n urs e h elp s m e g et M is s C elia o ut o f h er b lo ody n ig htg o w n. S he's g o t h er e yes o pen b ut c an hard ly s ta nd u p . I p ut o ld to w els d ow n in th e b ed a nd w e la y h er d ow n. I g o in th e k it c hen w here Docto r T ate 's w ash in g h is h and s.
"S he in th e b ed ro om ," I s a y.
Not t h e k it c h en , y o u s n ake.
H e's in h is fif tie s, D octo r T ate , a nd to ps me b y a g o od fo ot a nd a h alf . H e h as r e al w hit e s k in a nd th is lo ng, n arro w fa ce th at s h o w s n o fe elin gs a t a ll. F in ally h e g o es b ack to th e b ed ro om .
Ju st b efo re h e o pens th e d oor, I to uch h im o n th e a rm . " S he d on't w ant h er h usb and to k no w . H e ain 't g o ne fin d o ut, is h e?" He lo oks a t m e lik e I 'm a n ig ger a nd s a ys, " Y ou d on't th in k it 's h is b usin ess? " H e w alk s in to th e bed ro om a nd s h uts th e d oor in m y fa ce.
I g o to th e k it c hen a nd p ace th e flo or. H alf a n h o ur p asse s, th en a n h o ur, a nd I 'm w orry in g s o h ard th at M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to c o m e h o m e a nd fin d o ut, w orry in g D octo r T ate w ill c all h im , w orry in g th ey'r e g o in g to le ave th at b ab y in th e b ow l fo r m e to d eal w it h , m y h ead 's th ro bbin g. F in ally , I h ear Docto r T ate o pen th e d oor.
"S he a lr ig ht? " "S he's h yste ric al. I g ave h er a p ill to c alm h er d ow n." The n urs e w alk s a ro und u s a nd o ut th e b ack d oor c arry in g a w hit e tin b ox. I b re ath e o ut fo r w hat fe els lik e th e fir s t tim e in h o urs .
"Y ou w atc h h er to m orro w ," h e s a ys a nd h and s m e a w hit e p ap er b ag. " G iv e h er a no th er p ill if s h e gets to o a git a te d . T here 'll b e m ore b le ed in g. B ut d on't c all m e u p u nle ss it 's h eavy." "Y ou a in 't r e ally g o ne te ll M is te r J o hnny b out th is , a re y o u, D octo r T ate ?" He le ts o ut a s ic k h is s. " Y ou m ak e s u re s h e d oesn 't m is s h er a p poin tm ent o n F rid ay. I 'm n o t d riv in g all th e w ay o ut h ere ju st b ecause s h e's to o la zy to c o m e in ." He w alt z e s o ut a nd s la m s th e d oor b ehin d h im .
The k it c hen c lo ck r e ad s fiv e o 'c lo ck . M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to b e h o m e in h alf a n h o ur. I g ra b th e Clo ro x a nd th e r a gs a nd a b uck et.
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 9 I T is 1 963. T he S pace A ge th ey'r e c allin g it . A m an h as c ir c le d th e e arth in a r o ck ets h ip . T hey'v e i n vente d a p ill s o m arrie d w om en d on't h ave to g et p re gnant. A c an o f b eer o pens w it h a s in gle fin ger i n ste ad o f a c an o pener. Y et m y p are nts ' h o use is s till a s h o t a s it w as in 1 899, th e y ear G re at- g ra nd fa th er b uilt it .
" M am a, p le ase ," I b eg, " w hen a re w e g o in g to g et a ir - c o nd it io nin g?" " W e h ave s u rv iv ed th is lo ng w it h o ut e le ctr ic c o ol a nd I h ave n o in te ntio ns o f s e ttin g o ne o f th o se t a ck y c o ntr a p tio ns in m y w in d ow ." A nd s o , a s J u ly w anes o n, I a m fo rc ed fr o m m y a ttic b ed ro om to a c o t o n th e s c re ened b ack p orc h.
W hen w e w ere k id s, C onsta ntin e u se d to s le ep o ut h ere w it h C arlt o n a nd m e in th e s u m mer, w hen M am a a nd D ad dy w ent to o ut- o f- to w n w ed din gs. C onsta ntin e s le p t in a n o ld -fa sh io ned w hit e n ig htg o w n u p to h er c hin a nd d ow n to h er to es e ven th o ugh it 'd b e h o t a s H ad es. S he u se d to s in g to u s s o w e'd g o to s le ep . H er v o ic e w as s o b eautif u l I c o uld n't u nd ers ta nd h o w s h e'd n ever h ad l e sso ns. M oth er h ad a lw ays to ld m e a p ers o n c an't le arn a nyth in g w it h o ut p ro per le sso ns. I t's ju st u nre al to m e th at s h e w as h ere , r ig ht h ere o n th is p orc h, a nd n o w s h e's n o t. A nd n o o ne w ill te ll m e a t h in g. I w ond er if I 'll e ver s e e h er a gain .
N ext to m y c o t, n o w , m y ty p ew rit e r s it s o n a r u ste d , w hit e e nam el w ash ta b le . U nd ern eath is m y r e d s a tc hel. I ta k e D ad dy's h ank ie a nd w ip e m y fo re head , p re ss s a lt e d ic e to m y w ris ts . E ven o n th e b ack p orc h, th e A very L um ber C om pany te m pera tu re d ia l r is e s fr o m 8 9 to 9 6 to a n ic e r o und 1 00 d egre es. L uck ily , S tu art d oesn 't c o m e o ver d urin g th e d ay, w hen th e h eat is a t it s w ors t.
I s ta re a t m y ty p ew rit e r w it h n o th in g to d o, n o th in g to w rit e . M in ny's s to rie s a re fin is h ed a nd ty p ed a lr e ad y. I t's a w re tc hed fe elin g. T w o w eek s a go , A ib ile en to ld m e th at Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid , m ig ht h elp u s, th at s h e s h o w s a lit tle m ore in te re st e very tim e A ib ile en ta lk s to h er. B ut w it h M ed gar E vers 's m urd er a nd c o lo re d p eo ple g ettin g a rre ste d a nd b eat b y th e p olic e, I 'm s u re s h e's s c are d to d eath b y n o w .
M ayb e I o ught to g o o ver to H illy 's a nd a sk Y ule M ay m yse lf . B ut n o , A ib ile en's r ig ht, I 'd p ro bab ly s c are h er e ven m ore a nd r u in a ny c hance w e h ave.
U nd er th e h o use , th e d ogs y aw n, w hin e in th e h eat. O ne le ts o ut a h alf - h earte d w oof a s D ad dy's f ie ld w ork ers , fiv e N egro es, p ull u p in a tr u ck bed . T he m en ju m p fr o m th e ta ilg ate , h o ofin g u p d ust w hen th ey h it th e d ir t. T hey s ta nd a m om ent, d ead -fa ced , s tu p efie d . T he fo re m an d ra gs a r e d c lo th a cro ss h is b la ck fo re head , h is lip s, h is n eck . I t is s o r e ck le ssly h o t, I d on't k no w h o w th ey c an s ta nd b ak in g o ut th ere in th e s u n.
I n a r a re b re eze , m y c o py o f Lif e m agazin e flu tte rs . A ud re y H ep burn s m ile s o n th e c o ver, n o s w eat b ead in g o n h er u p per lip . I p ic k it u p a nd fin ger th e w rin k le d p ages, flip to th e s to ry o n th e S ovie t S pace G ir l. I a lr e ad y k no w w hat's o n th e n ext p age. B ehin d h er fa ce is a p ic tu re o f C arl R oberts , a c o lo re d s c ho olt e acher fr o m P ela hatc hie , fo rty m ile s fr o m h ere . " In A pril, C arl R oberts to ld W ash in gto n r e p orte rs w hat it m eans to b e a b la ck m an in M is sis sip pi, c allin g th e g o vern o r 'a p ath etic m an w it h th e m ora ls o f a s tr e etw alk er. ' R oberts w as fo und c attle -b ra nd ed a nd h ung fr o m a p ecan t r e e." They'd k ille d C arl R oberts fo r s p eak in g o ut, fo r ta lk in g . I th in k a b out h o w e asy I th o ught it w ould be, th re e m onth s a go , to g et a d oze n m aid s to ta lk to m e. L ik e th ey'd ju st b een w ait in g, a ll th is tim e, to s p ill th eir s to rie s to a w hit e w om an. H ow s tu p id I 'd b een.
When I c an't ta k e th e h eat a no th er s e co nd , I g o s it in th e o nly c o ol p la ce o n L ongle af. I tu rn o n th e ig nit io n a nd r o ll u p th e w in d ow s, p ull m y d re ss u p a ro und m y u nd erw ear a nd le t th e b i- le vel b lo w o n me fu ll b la st. A s I le an m y h ead b ack , th e w orld d rif ts a w ay, tin ged b y th e s m ell o f F re o n a nd Cad illa c le ath er. I h ear a tr u ck p ull u p in to th e fr o nt d riv e b ut I d on't o pen m y e yes. A s e co nd la te r, my p asse nger d oor o pens.
"D am n it fe els g o od in h ere ." I p ush m y d re ss d ow n. " W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?" Stu art s h uts th e d oor, k is se s m e q uic k ly o n th e lip s. " I o nly h ave a m in ute . I h ave to h ead d ow n to th e c o ast fo r a m eetin g." "F or h o w lo ng?" "T hre e d ays. I 'v e g o t to c atc h s o m e fe lla o n th e M is sis sip pi O il a nd G as B oard . I w is h I 'd k no w n ab out it s o oner." He r e aches o ut a nd ta k es m y h and a nd I s m ile . W e'v e b een g o in g o ut tw ic e a w eek fo r tw o m onth s no w if y o u d on't c o unt th e h o rro r d ate . I g uess th at's c o nsid ere d a s h o rt tim e to o th er g ir ls . B ut it 's th e lo ngest th in g th at's e ver h ap pened to m e, a nd r ig ht n o w it fe els lik e th e b est.
"W anna c o m e?" h e s a ys.
"T o B ilo xi? R ig ht n o w ?" "R ig ht n o w ," h e s a ys a nd p uts h is c o ol p alm o n m y le g. A s a lw ays, I ju m p a lit tle . I lo ok d ow n a t h is hand , th en u p to m ak e s u re M oth er's n o t s p yin g o n u s.
"C om e o n, it 's to o d am n h o t h ere . I 'm s ta yin g a t th e E dgew ate r, r ig ht o n th e b each." I la ugh a nd it fe els g o od a fte r a ll th e w orry in g I 'v e d one th ese p ast w eek s. " Y ou m ean, a t th e Edgew ate r . . . to geth er? I n th e s a m e r o om ?" He n o ds. " T hin k y o u c an g et a w ay?" Eliz a b eth w ould b e m ortif ie d b y th e th o ught o f s h arin g a r o om w it h a m an b efo re s h e w as m arrie d , Hilly w ould te ll m e I w as s tu p id to e ven c o nsid er it . T hey'd h eld o n to th eir v ir g in it y w it h th e fie rc eness o f c hild re n r e fu sin g to s h are th eir to ys. A nd y et, I c o nsid er it .
Stu art m oves c lo se r to m e. H e s m ells lik e p in e tr e es a nd fir e d to bacco , e xp ensiv e s o ap th e lik es o f whic h m y fa m ily 's n ever k no w n. " M am a'd h ave a fit , S tu art, p lu s I h ave a ll th is o th er s tu ff to d o . . ." But G od, h e s m ells g o od. H e's lo okin g a t m e lik e h e w ants to e at m e u p a nd I s h iv er u nd er th e b la st of C ad illa c a ir . "Y ou s u re ?" h e w his p ers a nd h e k is se s m e th en, o n th e m outh , n o t s o p olit e ly a s b efo re . H is h and is still o n th e u p per q uarte r o f m y th ig h a nd I fin d m yse lf w ond erin g a gain if h e w as lik e th is w it h h is fia ncee, P atr ic ia . I d on't e ven k no w if th ey w ent to b ed to geth er. T he th o ught o f th em to uchin g mak es m e fe el s ic k a nd I p ull b ack fr o m h im .
"I ju st . . . I c an't ," I s a y. " Y ou k no w I c o uld n't te ll M am a th e tr u th . . ." He le ts o ut a lo ng s o rry s ig h a nd I lo ve th at lo ok o n h is fa ce, th at d is a p poin tm ent. I u nd ers ta nd n o w why g ir ls r e sis t, ju st fo r th at s w eet lo ok o f r e gre t. " D on't lie to h er," h e s a ys. " Y ou k no w I h ate lie s." "W ill y o u c all m e fr o m th e h o te l? " I a sk .
"I w ill, " h e s a ys. " I'm s o rry I h ave to le ave s o s o on. O h, a nd I a lm ost fo rg o t, in th re e w eek s, Satu rd ay n ig ht. M oth er a nd D ad dy w ant y 'a ll to c o m e h ave s u p per." I s it u p s tr a ig hte r. I 'v e n ever m et h is p are nts b efo re . " W hat d o y o u m ean . . . y 'a ll? " "Y ou a nd y o ur p are nts . C om e in to to w n, m eet m y fa m ily ." "B ut . . . w hy a ll o f u s? " He s h ru gs. " M y p are nts w ant to m eet th em . A nd I w ant th em to m eet y o u." "B ut . . ." "I'm s o rry , b ab y," h e s a ys a nd p ush es m y h air b ehin d m y e ar, " I h ave to g o . C all y o u to m orro w nig ht? " I n o d. H e c lim bs o ut in to th e h eat a nd d riv es o ff, w avin g to D ad dy w alk in g u p th e d usty la ne.
I'm le ft a lo ne in th e C ad illa c to w orry . S up per a t th e s ta te s e nato r's h o use . W it h M oth er th ere a sk in g a th o usa nd q uestio ns. L ookin g d esp era te o n m y b ehalf . B rin gin g u p c o tto n tr u st fu nd s.
TH REE E X CRU CIA TIN GLY L O NG, h o t n ig hts la te r, w it h s till n o w ord fr o m Y ule M ay o r a ny oth er m aid s, S tu art c o m es o ver, s tr a ig ht fr o m h is m eetin g o n th e c o ast. I 'm s ic k o f s it tin g a t th e ty p ew rit e r ty p in g n o th in g b ut n ew sle tte rs a nd M is s M yrn a. I r u n d ow n th e s te p s a nd h e h ugs m e lik e it 's b een w eek s.
Stu art's s u nb urn ed b eneath h is w hit e s h ir t, th e b ack w rin k le d fr o m d riv in g, th e s le eves r o lle d u p . H e wears a p erp etu al, a lm ost d evilis h s m ile . W e b oth s it s tr a ig ht u p o n o pposit e s id es o f th e r e la xin g ro om , s ta rin g a t e ach o th er. W e'r e w ait in g fo r M oth er to g o to b ed . D ad dy w ent to s le ep w hen th e su n w ent d ow n.
Stu art's e yes h ang o n m in e w hile M oth er w axes o n a b out th e h eat, h o w C arlt o n's fin ally m et " th e one." "A nd w e'r e th rille d a b out d in in g w it h y o ur p are nts , S tu art. P le ase d o te ll y o ur m oth er I s a id s o ." "Y es m a'a m . I s u re w ill. " He s m ile s o ver a t m e a gain . T here a re s o m any th in gs I lo ve a b out h im . H e lo oks m e s tr a ig ht in th e eye w hen w e ta lk . H is p alm s a re c allu se d b ut h is n ails a re c le an a nd tr im med . I lo ve th e r o ugh fe elin g on m y n eck . A nd I 'd b e ly in g if I d id n't a d m it th at it 's n ic e to h ave s o m eo ne to g o to w ed din gs a nd partie s w it h . N ot to h ave to e nd ure th e lo ok in R ale ig h L eefo lt 's e yes w hen h e s e es th at I 'm ta ggin g alo ng a gain . T he s u lle n d aze w hen h e h as to c arry m y c o at w it h E liz a b eth 's , fe tc h m e a d rin k to o.
Then th ere is S tu art a t th e h o use . F ro m th e m in ute h e w alk s in , I a m p ro te cte d , e xem pt. M oth er won't c rit ic iz e m e in fr o nt o f h im , fo r fe ar h e m ig ht n o tic e m y fla w s h im se lf . S he w on't n ag m e in fr o nt of h im b ecause s h e k no w s th at I 'd a ct b ad ly , w hin e. S ho rt m y c hances. I t's a ll a b ig g am e to M oth er, to s h o w o nly o ne s id e o f m e, th at th e r e al m e s h o uld n't c o m e o ut u ntil a fte r it 's " to o la te ." Fin ally , a t h alf p ast n in e, M oth er s m ooth es h er s k ir t, fo ld s a b la nk et s lo w ly a nd p erfe ctly , lik e a cheris h ed le tte r. " W ell, I g uess it 's tim e fo r b ed . I 'll le t y o u y o ung p eo ple a lo ne. E ugenia ?" S he e yes me. " N ot to o la te , n o w ?" I s m ile s w eetly . I a m tw enty -th re e g o ddam n y ears o ld . " O f c o urs e n o t, M am a." She le aves a nd w e s it , s ta rin g, s m ilin g.
Wait in g.
Moth er p ad s a ro und th e k it c hen, c lo se s a w in d ow , r u ns s o m e w ate r. A fe w s e co nd s p ass a nd w e hear th e c la ck -c lic k o f h er b ed ro om d oor s h uttin g. S tu art s ta nd s a nd s a ys, " C om e here ," a nd h e's o n my s id e o f th e r o om in o ne s tr id e a nd h e c la p s m y h and s to h is h ip s a nd k is se s m y m outh lik e I a m th e d rin k h e's b een d yin g fo r a ll d ay a nd I 'v e h eard g ir ls s a y it 's lik e m elt in g, th at fe elin g. B ut I th in k it 's lik e r is in g, g ro w in g e ven ta lle r a nd s e ein g s ig hts o ver a h ed ge, c o lo rs y o u'v e n ever s e en b efo re .
I h ave to m ak e m yse lf p ull a w ay. I h ave th in gs to s a y. " C om e h ere . S it d ow n." We s it s id e b y s id e o n th e s o fa . H e tr ie s to k is s m e a gain , b ut I b ack m y h ead a w ay. I tr y n o t to lo ok at th e w ay h is s u nb urn m ak es h is e yes s o b lu e. O r th e w ay th e h air s o n h is a rm s a re g o ld en, ble ached .
"S tu art- -" I s w allo w , r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e d re ad ed q uestio n. " W hen y o u w ere e ngaged , w ere y o ur pare nts d is a p poin te d ? W hen w hate ver h ap pened w it h P atr ic ia . . . h ap pened ?" Im med ia te ly a s tif fn ess fo rm s a ro und h is m outh . H e e yes m e. " M oth er w as d is a p poin te d . T hey w ere clo se ." Alr e ad y I r e gre t h avin g b ro ught it u p , b ut I h ave to k no w . " H ow c lo se ?" He g la nces a ro und th e r o om . " D o y o u h ave a nyth in g in th e h o use ? B ourb on?" I g o to th e k it c hen a nd p our h im a g la ss fr o m P asc ago ula 's c o okin g b ottle , to p it o ff w it h p le nty o f wate r. S tu art m ad e it c le ar th e fir s t tim e h e s h o w ed u p o n m y p orc h h is fia ncee w as a b ad s u b je ct.
But I n eed to k no w w hat th is th in g w as th at h ap pened . N ot ju st b ecause I 'm c urio us. I 'v e n ever been in a r e la tio nsh ip . I n eed to k no w w hat c o nstit u te s b re ak in g u p fo re ver. I n eed to k no w h o w many r u le s y o u c an b re ak b efo re y o u'r e th ro w n o ut, a nd w hat th o se r u le s e ven a re in th e fir s t p la ce.
"S o th ey w ere g o od fr ie nd s? " I a sk . I 'll b e m eetin g h is m oth er in tw o w eek s. M oth er's a lr e ad y s e t o n our s h o ppin g tr ip to K ennin gto n's to m orro w .
He ta k es a lo ng d rin k , fr o w ns. " T hey'd g et in a r o om a nd s w ap n o te s o n flo w er a rra ngem ents a nd who m arrie d w ho ." A ll tr a ces o f h is m is c hie vo us s m ile a re g o ne n o w . " M oth er w as p re tty s h o ok u p .
Afte r it . . . fe ll a p art." "S o . . . s h e'll b e c o m parin g m e to P atr ic ia ?" Stu art b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " P ro bab ly ." "G re at. I c an h ard ly w ait ." "M oth er's ju st...p ro te ctiv e is a ll. S he's w orrie d I 'll g et h urt a gain ." H e lo oks o ff.
"W here is P atr ic ia n o w ? D oes s h e s till liv e h ere o r- -" "N o. S he's g o ne. M oved to C alif o rn ia . C an w e ta lk a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w ?" I s ig h, fa ll b ack a gain st th e s o fa .
"W ell, d o y o ur p are nts a t le ast k no w w hat h ap pened ? I m ean, a m I a llo w ed to k no w th at? " B ecause I fe el a fla sh o f a nger th at h e w on't te ll m e s o m eth in g a s im porta nt a s th is .
"S keete r, I to ld y o u, I h ate ta lk in g . . ." B ut th en h e g rit s h is te eth , lo w ers h is v o ic e. " D ad o nly k no w s part o f it . M oth er k no w s th e r e al s to ry , s o d o P atr ic ia 's p are nts . A nd o f c o urs e her ." H e th ro w s back th e r e st o f th e d rin k . " S he k no w s w hat s h e d id , th at's fo r g o ddam n s u re ." "S tu art, I o nly w ant to k no w s o I d on't d o th e s a m e th in g." He lo oks a t m e a nd tr ie s to la ugh b ut it c o m es o ut m ore lik e a g ro w l. " Y ou w ould n ever in a m illio n years d o w hat s h e d id ." "W hat? W hat d id s h e d o?" "S keete r." H e s ig hs a nd s e ts h is g la ss d ow n. " I'm tir e d . I b ette r ju st g o o n h o m e." I W alk in T H E S TEA M Y k it c hen th e n ext m orn in g, d re ad in g th e d ay a head . M oth er is in h er r o om gettin g r e ad y fo r o ur s h o ppin g tr ip to o utfit u s b oth fo r s u p per a t th e W hit w orth s'. I h ave o n b lu e je ans a nd a n u ntu ck ed b lo use .
"M orn in g, P asc ago ula ." "M orn in g, M is s S keete r. Y ou w ant y o ur r e gula r b re ak fa st? " "Y es, p le ase ," I s a y.
Pasc ago ula is s m all a nd q uic k o n h er fe et. I to ld h er la st J u ne h o w I lik ed m y c o ffe e b la ck a nd to ast bare ly b utte re d a nd s h e n ever h ad to a sk a gain . S he's lik e C onsta ntin e th at w ay, n ever fo rg ettin g th in gs fo r u s. I t m ak es m e w ond er h o w m any w hit e w om en's b re ak fa sts s h e h as in gra in ed in h er bra in . I w ond er h o w it w ould fe el to s p end y o ur w ho le lif e tr y in g to r e m em ber o th er p eo ple 's pre fe re nces o n to ast b utte r a nd s ta rc h a m ounts a nd s h eet c hangin g.
She s e ts m y c o ffe e d ow n in fr o nt o f m e. S he d oesn 't h and it to m e. A ib ile en to ld m e th at's n o t h o w it 's d one, b ecause th en y o ur h and s m ig ht to uch. I d on't r e m em ber h o w C onsta ntin e u se d to d o it .
"T hank y o u," I s a y, " v ery m uch." She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd , s m ile s w eak ly . " Y ou . . . w elc o m e." I r e aliz e th is th e fir s t tim e I 'v e e ver th ank ed h er s in cere ly . S he lo oks u nco m fo rta b le .
"S keete r, y o u r e ad y?" I h ear M oth er c all fr o m th e b ack . I h o lle r th at I a m . I e at m y to ast a nd h o pe we c an g et th is s h o ppin g tr ip o ver q uic k ly . I a m te n y ears to o o ld to h ave m y m oth er s till p ic k in g o ut clo th es fo r m e. I lo ok o ver a nd n o tic e P asc ago ula w atc hin g m e fr o m th e s in k . S he tu rn s a w ay w hen I lo ok a t h er.
I s k im th e Ja ck so n J o urn al s it tin g o n th e ta b le . M y n ext M is s M yrn a c o lu m n w on't c o m e o ut u ntil next M ond ay, u nlo ck in g th e m yste ry o f h ard -w ate r s ta in s. D ow n in th e n atio nal n ew s s e ctio n, th ere 's an a rtic le o n a n ew p ill, th e " V aliu m " th ey'r e c allin g it , " to h elp w om en c o pe w it h e very d ay challe nges." G od, I c o uld u se a b out te n o f th o se lit tle p ills r ig ht n o w .
I lo ok u p a nd a m s u rp ris e d to s e e P asc ago ula s ta nd in g r ig ht n ext to m e.
"A re y o u . . . d o y o u n eed s o m eth in g, P asc ago ula ?" I a sk .
"I n eed to te ll y o u s o m eth in g, M is s S keete r. S om eth in g b out th at- -" "Y ou c anno t w ear d ungare es to K ennin gto n's ," M oth er s a ys fr o m th e d oorw ay. L ik e v ap or, Pasc ago ula d is a p pears fr o m m y s id e. S he's b ack a t th e s in k , s tr e tc hin g a b la ck r u b ber h o se fr o m th e fa ucet to th e d is h w ash er.
"Y ou g o u p sta ir s a nd p ut o n s o m eth in g a p pro pria te ." "M oth er, th is is w hat I 'm w earin g. W hat's th e p oin t o f g ettin g d re sse d u p to b uy n ew c lo th es? " "E ugenia , p le ase le t's d on't m ak e th is a ny h ard er th an it is ." Moth er g o es b ack to h er b ed ro om , b ut I k no w th is is n 't th e e nd o f it . T he whoosh o f th e d is h w ash er fills th e r o om . T he flo or v ib ra te s u nd er m y b are fe et a nd th e r u m ble is s o oth in g, lo ud e no ugh to co ver a c o nvers a tio n. I w atc h P asc ago ula a t th e s in k .
"D id y o u n eed to te ll m e s o m eth in g, P asc ago ula ?" I a sk .
Pasc ago ula g la nces a t th e d oor. S he's ju st a s lip o f a p ers o n, p ra ctic ally h alf o f m e. H er m anner is s o tim id , I lo w er m y h ead w hen I ta lk to h er. S he c o m es a lit tle c lo se r.
"Y ule M ay m y co usin ," P asc ago ula s a ys o ver th e w hir o f th e m achin e. S he's w his p erin g, b ut th ere 's no th in g tim id a b out h er to ne n o w .
"I . . . d id n't k no w th at." "W e c lo se k in a nd s h e c o m e o ut to m y h o use e ver o th er w eek end to c heck o n m e. S he to ld m e what it is y o u d oin g." S he n arro w s h er e yes a nd I th in k s h e's a b out to te ll m e to le ave h er c o usin alo ne.
"I . . . w e'r e c hangin g th e n am es. S he to ld y o u th at, r ig ht? I d on't w ant to g et a nyb ody in tr o ub le ." "S he te ll m e S atu rd ay s h e g o ne h elp y o u. S he tr y to c all A ib ile en b ut c o uld n't g et h er. I 'd a to le y o u earlie r b ut . . ." A gain s h e g la nces a t th e d oorw ay.
I'm s tu nned . " S he is ? S he will ?" I s ta nd u p . D esp it e m y b ette r th in k in g, I c an't h elp b ut a sk .
"P asc ago ula , d o y o u . . . w ant to h elp w it h th e s to rie s to o?" She g iv es m e a lo ng, s te ad y lo ok. " Y ou m ean te ll y o u w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r . . . y o ur m am a?" We lo ok a t e ach o th er, p ro bab ly th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. T he d is c o m fo rt o f h er te llin g, th e dis c o m fo rt o f m e lis te nin g.
"N ot M oth er," I s a y q uic k ly . " O th er jo bs, o nes y o u'v e h ad b efo re th is ." "T his m y fir s t jo b w ork in g d om estic . I u se to w ork a t th e O ld L ad y H om e s e rv in g lu nch. F ore it move o ut to F lo w ood." "Y ou m ean M oth er d id n't m in d th is b ein g y o ur fir s t h o use jo b?" Pasc ago ula lo oks a t th e r e d lin o le um flo or, tim id a gain . " N obody e ls e a w ork fo r h er," s h e s a ys.
"N ot a fte r w hat h ap pen w it h C onsta ntin e." I p la ce m y h and c are fu lly o n th e ta b le . " W hat d id y o u th in k a b out... th at? " Pasc ago ula 's fa ce tu rn s b la nk . S he b lin k s a fe w tim es, c le arly o uts m artin g m e. " I d on't k no w n o th in g ab out it . I ju st w ante d to te ll y o u w hat Y ule M ay s a y." S he g o es to th e r e fr ig era to r, o pens it a nd le ans in sid e.
I le t o ut a lo ng, d eep b re ath . O ne th in g a t a tim e.
SH O PPIN G W IT H M OTH ER is n 't a s u nb eara b le a s u su al, p ro bab ly b ecause I 'm in s u ch a g o od mood fr o m h earin g a b out Y ule M ay. M oth er s it s in a c hair in th e d re ssin g lo unge a nd I c ho ose th e fir s t L ad y D ay s u it I tr y o n, lig ht b lu e p oplin w it h a r o und -c o lla r ja ck et. W e le ave it a t th e s to re s o th ey c an ta k e d ow n th e h em . I 'm s u rp ris e d w hen M oth er d oesn 't tr y o n a nyth in g. A fte r o nly h alf a n ho ur, s h e s a ys s h e's tir e d , s o I d riv e u s b ack to L ongle af. M oth er g o es s tr a ig ht to h er r o om to n ap .
When w e g et h o m e, I c all E liz a b eth 's h o use , m y h eart p ound in g, b ut E liz a b eth p ic k s u p th e p ho ne. I don't h ave th e n erv e to a sk fo r A ib ile en. A fte r th e s a tc hel s c are , I p ro m is e d m yse lf I 'd b e m ore care fu l.
So I w ait u ntil th at n ig ht, h o pin g A ib ile en's h o m e. I s it o n m y c an o f flo ur, fin gers w ork in g a b ag o f dry r ic e. S he a nsw ers o n th e fir s t r in g.
"S he'll h elp u s, A ib ile en. Y ule M ay s a id y es!" "S ay w hat? W hen y o u fin d o ut? " "T his a fte rn o on. P asc ago ula to ld m e. Y ule M ay c o uld n't r e ach y o u." "L aw , m y p ho ne w as d is c o nnecte d c ause I 's s h o rt th is m onth . Y ou ta lk to Y ule M ay?" "N o, I th o ught it w ould b e b ette r if y o u ta lk ed to h er fir s t." "W hat's s tr a nge is I c all o ver to M is s H illy h o use th is a fte rn o on fr o m M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut s h e s a y Y ule May d on't w ork th ere n o m ore a nd h ang u p . I b een a sk in g a ro und b ut n o body k no w a th in g." "H illy fir e d h er? " "I d on't k no w . I 's h o pin g m ayb e s h e q uit ." "I'll c all H illy a nd fin d o ut. G od, I h o pe s h e's a lr ig ht." "A nd n o w th at m y p ho ne's b ack o n, I k eep tr y in g to c all Y ule M ay." I c all H illy 's h o use fo ur tim es b ut th e p ho ne ju st r in gs. F in ally I c all E liz a b eth 's a nd s h e te lls m e H illy 's go ne to P ort G ib so n fo r th e n ig ht. T hat W illia m 's fa th er is ill.
"D id s o m eth in g h ap pen . . . w it h h er m aid ?" I a sk a s c asu ally a s I c an.
"Y ou k no w , s h e m entio ned s o m eth in g a b out Y ule M ay, b ut th en s h e s a id s h e w as la te a nd h ad to pack u p th e c ar." I s p end th e r e st o f th e n ig ht o n th e b ack p orc h, r e hears in g q uestio ns, n erv o us a b out w hat s to rie s Yule M ay m ig ht te ll a b out H illy . D esp it e o ur d is a gre em ents , H illy is s till o ne o f m y c lo se st fr ie nd s.
But th e b ook, n o w th at it is g o in g a gain , is m ore im porta nt th an a nyth in g. I la y o n th e c o t a t m id nig ht. T he c ric k ets s in g o uts id e th e s c re en. I le t m y b ody s in k d eep in to th e th in m attr e ss, a gain st th e s p rin gs. M y fe et d angle o ff th e e nd , d ance n erv o usly , r e lis h in g r e lie f fo r th e fir s t tim e in m onth s. I t's n o t a d oze n m aid s, b ut it 's o ne m ore .
TH E N EX T D AY, I 'm s it tin g in fr o nt o f th e te le vis io n s e t w atc hin g th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. C harle s Warrin g is r e p ortin g, te llin g m e th at s ix ty A meric an s o ld ie rs h ave b een k ille d in V ie tn am . I t's s o s a d to m e. S ix ty m en, in a p la ce fa r a w ay fr o m a nyo ne th ey lo ved , h ad to d ie . I th in k it 's b ecause o f Stu art th at th is b oth ers m e s o , b ut C harle s W arrin g lo oks e erily th rille d b y it a ll.
I p ic k u p a c ig are tte a nd p ut it b ack d ow n. I 'm tr y in g n o t to s m oke, b ut I 'm n erv o us a b out to nig ht.
Moth er's b een n aggin g m e a b out m y s m okin g a nd I k no w I s h o uld s to p, b ut it 's n o t lik e it 's g o in g to kill m e. I w is h I c o uld a sk P asc ago ula m ore a b out w hat Y ule M ay s a id , b ut P asc ago ula c alle d th is morn in g a nd s a id s h e h ad a p ro ble m a nd w ould n't b e c o m in g in u ntil th is a fte rn o on.
I c an h ear M oth er o ut o n th e b ack p orc h, h elp in g J a m eso m ak e ic e c re am . E ven in th e fr o nt o f th e ho use , I c an h ear th e r u m bly n o is e o f ic e c ra ck in g, th e s a lt c ru nchin g. T he s o und is d elic io us, m ak es me w is h fo r s o m e n o w , b ut it w on't b e r e ad y fo r h o urs . O f c o urs e , n o o ne m ak es ic e c re am a t tw elv e n o on o n a h o t d ay, it 's a n ig ht c ho re , b ut M oth er h as it in h er m in d th at s h e's g o in g to m ak e peach ic e c re am a nd th e h eat b e d am ned .
I g o o ut o n th e b ack p orc h a nd lo ok. T he b ig s ilv er ic e-c re am m ak er is c o ld a nd s w eatin g. T he porc h flo or v ib ra te s. J a m eso 's s it tin g o n a n u p sid ed ow n b uck et, k nees o n e it h er s id e o f th e m achin e, tu rn in g th e w ooden c ra nk w it h g lo ved h and s. S te am r is e s fr o m th e w ell o f d ry ic e.
"H as P asc ago ula c o m e in y et? " M am a a sk s, fe ed in g m ore c re am in to th e m achin e.
"N ot y et," I s a y. M oth er is s w eatin g. S he p ush es a lo ose s tr a nd o f h air b ehin d h er e ar. " I'll p our th e cre am a w hile , M am a. Y ou lo ok h o t." "Y ou w on't d o it r ig ht. I h ave to d o it ," s h e s a ys a nd s h o os m e b ack in sid e.
On th e n ew s, n o w R oger S tic k er is r e p ortin g in fr o nt o f th e J a ck so n p ost o ffic e w it h th e s a m e s tu p id grin a s th e w ar r e p orte r. " . . . th is m odern p osta l a d dre ssin g s y ste m is c alle d a Z -Z -Z IP c o de, th at's rig ht, I s a id Z -Z -Z IP c o de, th at's fiv e n um bers to b e w rit te n a lo ng th e b otto m o f y o ur e nvelo pe . . ." He's h o ld in g u p a le tte r, s h o w in g u s w here to w rit e th e n um bers . A m an in o vera lls w it h n o te eth sa ys, " A in 't n o body g o nna u se th em th ere n um bers . F olk s is s till tr y in g to g et u se d to u sin g th e te lly p ho ne." I h ear th e fr o nt d oor c lo se . A m in ute p asse s a nd P asc ago ula c o m es in th e r e la xin g r o om .
"M oth er's o ut o n th e b ack p orc h," I te ll h er b ut P asc ago ula d oesn 't s m ile , d oesn 't e ven lo ok u p a t me. S he ju st h and s m e a s m all e nvelo pe. "S he w as g o ne m ail it b ut I to ld h er I ju st c arry it to y o u." The fr o nt o f th e e nvelo pe is a d dre sse d to m e, n o r e tu rn n am e o n it . C erta in ly n o Z IP c o de.
Pasc ago ula w alk s o ff to w ard th e b ack p orc h.
I o pen th e le tte r. T he h and w rit in g is in b la ck p en, w rit te n o n th e s tr a ig ht b lu e lin es o f s c ho ol p ap er:
Dea r M is s S keete r, I w ant y o u t o k now h ow s o rry I a m t h at I w on't b e a ble t o h elp y o u w it h y o ur s to rie s. B ut n ow I c a n't a nd I w ant t o b e t h e o ne t o t e ll y o u w hy. A s y o u k now , I u se d t o w ait o n a f r ie n d o f yo urs. I d id n't lik e w ork in g f o r h er a nd I w ante d t o q uit m any t im es b ut I w as a fr a id t o . I w as afr a id I m ig ht n ev er g et a noth er j o b o nce s h e'd h ad h er s a y.
Yo u p ro bably d on't k now t h at a fte r I f in is h ed h ig h s c h ool, I w en t o n t o c o lle g e. I w ould 'v e gra duate d e x cep t I d ecid ed t o g et m arrie d . I t's o ne o f m y f e w r e g re ts in lif e , n ot g ettin g m y co lle g e d eg re e. I h ave t w in b oys t h at m ake it a ll w orth w hile , t h ough. F or t e n y ea rs, m y husb and a nd I h ave s a ved o ur m oney t o s e n d t h em t o T o ugalo o C olle g e, b ut a s h ard a s w e work ed , w e s till d id n't h ave e n ough f o r b oth . M y b oys a re e q ually a s s m art, e q ually e a ger f o r an e d uca tio n. B ut w e o nly h ad t h e m oney f o r o ne a nd I a sk y o u, h ow d o y o u c h oose w hic h o f yo ur t w in s o ns s h ould g o t o c o lle g e a nd w hic h s h ould t a ke a j o b s p re a din g t a r? H ow d o y o u te ll o ne t h at y o u lo ve h im j u st a s m uch a s t h e o th er, b ut y o u'v e d ecid ed h e w on't b e t h e o ne t o get a c h ance in lif e ? Y o u d on't . Y o u f in d a w ay t o m ake it h appen . A ny w ay a t a ll.
I s u ppose y o u c o uld lo ok a t t h is a s a c o nfe ssio n le tte r. I s to le f ro m t h at w om an. A n u gly r u by rin g, h opin g it w ould c o ver t h e r e st o f t h e t u it io n. S om eth in g s h e n ev er w ore a nd I f e lt s h e ow ed m e f o r e v ery th in g I 'd b een t h ro ugh w ork in g f o r h er. O f c o urse n ow , n eit h er o f m y b oys will b e g oin g t o c o lle g e. T he c o urt f in e is n ea rly a s m uch a s w e h ad s a ved .
Sin cere ly , Yu le M ay C ro okle Wom en 's B lo ck 9 Mis sis sip pi S ta te P en it e n tia ry The pen it e n tia ry.
I s h ud der. I lo ok a ro und fo r P asc ago ula b ut s h e's le ft th e r o om . I w ant to a sk h er when th is h ap pened , h o w it h ap pened s o g o ddam n fa st? W hat c an b e d one? B ut P asc ago ula 's g o ne outs id e to h elp M oth er. W e c an't ta lk o ut th ere . I fe el s ic k , n ause o us. I s w it c h o ff th e te le vis io n.
I th in k a b out Y ule M ay, s it tin g in a ja il c ell w rit in g th is le tte r. I b et I e ven k no w w hat r in g Y ule M ay's ta lk in g a b out- -H illy 's m oth er g ave it to h er fo r h er e ig hte enth b ir th d ay. H illy h ad it a p pra is e d a fe w years a go a nd fo und o ut it w asn 't e ven a r u b y, ju st a g arn et, h ard ly w orth a nyth in g. H illy n ever w ore it a gain . M y h and s tu rn to fis ts .
The s o und o f th e ic e c re am c hurn in g o uts id e s o und s lik e b ones c ru nchin g. I g o to th e k it c hen to w ait fo r P asc ago ula , to g et a nsw ers . I 'll te ll D ad dy. I 'll s e e if th ere 's a nyth in g h e c an d o. I f h e k no w s a ny la w yers w ho w ould b e w illin g to h elp h er.
I W alk u p A IB IL EEN 'S S TEPS a t e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht. T his w as s u p pose d to b e o ur fir s t in te rv ie w w it h Y ule M ay a nd e ven th o ugh I k no w th at's n o t g o in g to h ap pen, I 'v e d ecid ed to c o m e anyw ay. I t's r a in in g a nd b lo w in g h ard a nd I h o ld m y r a in co at tig ht a ro und m e a nd th e s a tc hel. I k ep t th in k in g I 'd c all A ib ile en to ta lk a b out th e s it u atio n, b ut I c o uld n't b rin g m yse lf to d o it . I n ste ad , I pra ctic ally d ra gged P asc ago ula u p sta ir s s o M oth er w ould n't s e e u s ta lk in g a nd a sk ed h er e very th in g.
"Y ule M ay h ad h er a r e al g o od la w yer," P asc ago ula s a id . " B ut e verb ody s a yin g th e ju d ge w if e b e go od fr ie nd s w it h M is s H olb ro ok a nd h o w a r e gula r s e nte nce b e s ix m onth s fo r p etty s te alin g, b ut Mis s H olb ro ok, s h e g et it p ush ed u p to fo ur y ears . T hat tr ia l w as d one fo re it e ven s ta rte d ." "I c o uld a sk D ad dy. H e c o uld tr y a nd g et h er a . . . w hit e la w yer." Pasc ago ula s h ak es h er h ead , s a ys, " H e was a w hit e la w yer." I k no ck o n A ib ile en's d oor, fe el a r u sh o f s h am e. I s h o uld n't b e th in k in g a b out m y o w n p ro ble m s when Y ule M ay is in ja il, b ut I k no w w hat th is m eans fo r th e b ook. I f th e m aid s w ere a fr a id to h elp us y este rd ay, I 'm s u re th ey'r e te rrif ie d to day.
The d oor o pens a nd a N egro m an s ta nd s th ere lo okin g a t m e, h is w hit e c le ric al c o lla r g le am in g. I hear A ib ile en s a y, " It's o kay, R evere nd ." H e h esit a te s, b ut th en m oves b ack fo r m e to c o m e in .
I s te p in sid e a nd s e e a t le ast tw enty p eo ple p ack ed in th e tin y liv in g r o om a nd h allw ay. I c anno t s e e th e flo or. A ib ile en's b ro ught o ut th e k it c hen c hair s , b ut m ost p eo ple s ta nd . I s p ot M in ny in th e co rn er, s till in h er u nif o rm . I r e co gniz e L ou A nne T em ple to n's m aid , L ouvenia , n ext to h er, b ut every o ne e ls e is a s tr a nger.
"H ey M is s S keete r," w his p ers A ib ile en. S he's s till in h er w hit e u nif o rm a nd w hit e o rth o ped ic s h o es.
"S ho uld I . . ." I p oin t b ehin d m e. " I'll c o m e b ack la te r," I w his p er.
Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " S om eth in g a w fu l h ap pen to Y ule M ay." "I k no w ," I s a y. T he r o om is q uie t e xcep t fo r a fe w c o ughs. A c hair c re ak s. H ym n b ooks a re sta ck ed o n th e s m all w ooden ta b le .
"I ju st fin d o ut to day," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a rre ste d o n M ond ay, in th e p en o n T uesd ay. T hey s a y th e who le tr ia l to ok fif te en m in ute s." "S he s e nt m e a le tte r," I s a y. " S he to ld m e a b out h er s o ns. P asc ago ula g ave it to m e." "S he te ll y o u s h e o nly s h o rt s e venty -fiv e d olla rs fo r th at tu it io n? S he a sk M is s H illy fo r a lo an, y o u kno w . S ay s h e'd p ay h er b ack s o m e e ver w eek , b ut M is s H illy s a y n o . T hat a tr u e C hris tia n d on't giv e c harit y to th o se w ho is w ell a nd a b le . S ay it 's k in d er to le t th em le arn to w ork th in gs o ut th eyse lv es." God, I c an ju st im agin e H illy g iv in g th at g o ddam n s p eech. I c an h ard ly lo ok A ib ile en in th e fa ce.
"T he c hurc hes g o t to geth er th o ugh. T hey g o ne s e nd b oth th em b oys to c o lle ge." The r o om is d ead q uie t, e xcep t fo r A ib ile en a nd m y w his p erin g. " D o y o u th in k th ere 's a nyth in g I c an do? A ny w ay I c an h elp ? M oney o r . . ." "N o. C hurc h a lr e ad y s e t u p a p la n to p ay th e la w yer. T o k eep h im o n fo r w hen s h e c o m e u p fo r paro le ." A ib ile en le ts h er h ead h ang. I 'm s u re it 's o ut o f g rie f fo r Y ule M ay, b ut I s u sp ect s h e a ls o kno w s th e b ook is o ver. " T hey g o ne b e s e nio rs b y th e tim e s h e g et o ut. C ourt g iv e h er fo ur y ears and a fiv e h und re d d olla r fin e." "I'm s o s o rry , A ib ile en," I s a y. I g la nce a ro und a t th e p eo ple in th e r o om , th eir h ead s b ow ed a s if lo okin g a t m e m ig ht b urn th em . I lo ok d ow n.
"S he e vil, th at w om an!" M in ny b ark s fr o m th e o th er s id e o f th e s o fa a nd I flin ch, h o pin g s h e d oesn 't mean m e.
"H illy H olb ro ok b een s e nt u p h ere fr o m th e d evil to r u ir n a s m any liv es a s s h e c an!" M in ny w ip es h er no se a cro ss h er s le eve.
"M in ny, it 's a lr ig ht," th e r e vere nd s a ys. " W e'll fin d s o m eth in g w e c an d o fo r h er." I lo ok a t th e d ra w n fa ces, w ond erin g w hat th at th in g c o uld p ossib ly b e.
The r o om g o es u nb eara b ly q uie t a gain . T he a ir is h o t a nd s m ells lik e b urn ed c o ffe e. I fe el a p ro fo und sin gula rit y , h ere , in a p la ce w here I 'v e a lm ost g ro w n c o m fo rta b le . I fe el th e h eat o f d is lik e a nd g uilt .
The b ald r e vere nd w ip es h is e yes w it h a h and kerc hie f. " T hank y o u, A ib ile en, fo r h avin g u s in y o ur ho m e fo r p ra yer." P eo ple b egin to s tir , te llin g e ach o th er g o od n ig ht w it h s o le m n n o ds. H and bags a re pic k ed u p , h ats a re p ut o n h ead s. T he r e vere nd o pens th e d oor, le ttin g in th e d am p o uts id e a ir . A wom an w it h c urly g ra y h air a nd a b la ck c o at fo llo w s c lo se b ehin d h im , b ut th en s to ps in fr o nt o f m e where I 'm s ta nd in g w it h m y s a tc hel.
Her r a in co at fa lls o pen a lit tle to r e veal a w hit e u nif o rm .
"M is s S keete r," s h e s a ys, w it h o ut a s m ile , " I'm o n h elp y o u w it h th e s to rie s." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t A ib ile en. H er e yeb ro w s g o u p , h er m outh o pens. I tu rn b ack to th e w om an b ut sh e is a lr e ad y w alk in g o ut th e d oor.
"I'm o n h elp y o u, M is s S keete r." T his is a no th er w om an, ta ll a nd le an, w it h th e s a m e q uie t lo ok a s th e fir s t.
"U m, th ank . . . y o u," I s a y.
"I a m to o, M is s S keete r. I 'm o n h elp y o u." A w om an in a r e d c o at w alk s b y q uic k ly , d oesn 't e ven meet m y e yes.
Afte r th e n ext o ne, I s ta rt c o untin g. F iv e. S ix . S even. I n o d b ack a t th em , c an s a y n o th in g b ut th ank yo u. T hank y o u. Y es, th ank y o u, to e ach o ne. M y r e lie f is b it te r, th at it to ok Y ule M ay's in te rn m ent to b rin g u s to th is .
Eig ht. N in e. T en. E le ven. N o o ne is s m ilin g w hen th ey te ll m e th ey w ant to h elp . T he r o om c le ars out, e xcep t fo r M in ny. S he s ta nd s in th e fa r c o rn er, a rm s c la m ped a cro ss h er c hest. W hen e very o ne is g o ne, s h e lo oks u p a nd m eets m y g aze fo r h ard ly a s e co nd th en je rk s h er e yes to th e b ro w n curta in s, p in ned tig ht a cro ss th e w in d ow . B ut I s e e it , th e flic k er o n h er m outh , a h in t o f s o ftn ess beneath h er a nger. M in ny h as m ad e th is h ap pen.
WIT H E V ERY O NE T R AV ELIN G, o ur g ro up h asn 't p la yed b rid ge in a m onth . O n W ed nesd ay, w e meet a t L ou A nne T em ple to n's h o use , g re et w it h h and -p attin g a nd g o od-to -se e-y o us.
"L ou A nne, y o u p oor th in g, in th o se lo ng s le eves in th is h eat. I s it th e e cze m a a gain ?" E liz a b eth a sk s because L ou A nne's w earin g a g ra y w ool d re ss in th e h eat o f s u m mer.
Lou A nne lo oks a t h er la p , c le arly e m barra sse d . " Y es, it 's g ettin g w ors e ." But I c anno t s ta nd to to uch H illy w hen s h e r e aches o ut to m e. W hen I b ack a w ay fr o m h er h ug, s h e acts lik e s h e d oesn 't n o tic e. B ut d urin g th e g am e, s h e k eep s lo okin g a t m e w it h n arro w ed e yes.
"W hat a re y o u g o in g to d o?" E liz a b eth a sk s H illy . " Y ou'r e w elc o m e to b rin g th e c hild re n o ver a ny tim e, b ut . . . w ell . . ." B efo re b rid ge c lu b , H illy d ro pped H eath er a nd W illia m a t E liz a b eth 's fo r Aib ile en to lo ok a fte r w hile w e p la y b rid ge. B ut I a lr e ad y k no w th e m essa ge in E liz a b eth 's s o ur sm ile : s h e w ors h ip s H illy , b ut E liz a b eth d oes n o t c are to s h are h er h elp w it h a nyb ody.
"I k new it . I k new th at g ir l w as a th ie f th e d ay s h e s ta rte d ." A s H illy te lls u s th e s to ry o f Y ule M ay, sh e m ak es a b ig c ir c le w it h h er fin ger to in d ic ate a h uge s to ne, th e u nim agin ab le w orth o f th e " ru b y." "I c aught h er ta k in g th e m ilk a fte r it e xp ir e d a nd th at's h o w it s ta rts , y o u k no w , fir s t it 's w ash in g pow der, th en th ey w ork th eir w ay u p to to w els a nd c o ats . B efo re y o u k no w it , th ey'r e ta k in g th e heir lo om s, h o ck in g th em fo r liq uo r p in ts . G od k no w s w hat e ls e s h e to ok." I fig ht th e u rg e to s n ap e ach o f h er fla p pin g fin gers in h alf , b ut I h o ld m y to ngue. L et h er th in k every th in g is fin e. I t is s a fe r fo r e very o ne.
Afte r th e g am e, I r u sh h o m e to p re p are fo r A ib ile en's th at n ig ht, r e lie ved th ere 's n o t a s o ul in th e ho use . I q uic k ly flip th ro ugh P asc ago ula 's m essa ges fo r m e--P ats y m y te nnis p artn er, C elia F oote , who m I h ard ly k no w . W hy w ould J o hnny F oote 's w if e b e c allin g m e? M in ny's m ad e m e s w ear I 'll never c all h er b ack , a nd I d on't h ave th e tim e to w ond er. I h ave to g et r e ad y fo r th e in te rv ie w s.
I S IT A T A IB IL EEN 'S K IT C HEN ta b le a t s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht. W e'v e a rra nged fo r m e to c o m e over n early e very n ig ht u ntil w e'r e fin is h ed . E very tw o d ays, a d if fe re nt c o lo re d w om an w ill k no ck on A ib ile en's b ack d oor a nd s it a t th e ta b le w it h m e, te ll m e h er s to rie s. E le ven m aid s h ave a gre ed to ta lk to u s, n o t c o untin g A ib ile en a nd M in ny. T hat p uts u s a t th ir te en a nd M is su s S te in a sk ed fo r a doze n, s o I th in k w e'r e lu ck y. A ib ile en s ta nd s in th e b ack o f th e k it c hen, lis te nin g. T he fir s t m aid 's nam e is A lic e. I d on't a sk fo r la st n am es.
I e xp la in to A lic e th at th e p ro je ct is a c o lle ctio n o f tr u e s to rie s a b out m aid s a nd th eir e xp erie nces wait in g o n w hit e fa m ilie s. I h and h er a n e nvelo pe w it h fo rty d olla rs fr o m w hat I 'v e s a ved fr o m th e Mis s M yrn a c o lu m n, m y a llo w ance, m oney M oth er h as fo rc ed in to m y h and s fo r b eauty p arlo r ap poin tm ents I n ever w ent to .
"T here 's a g o od c hance it m ay n ever b e p ub lis h ed ," I te ll e ach in d iv id ually , " a nd e ven if it is , th ere w ill be v ery lit tle m oney fr o m it ." I lo ok d ow n th e fir s t tim e I s a y th is , a sh am ed , I d on't k no w w hy. B ein g whit e , I fe el it 's m y d uty to h elp th em .
"A ib ile en b een c le ar o n th at," s e vera l s a y. " T hat a in 't w hy I 'm d oin g th is ." I r e p eat b ack to th em w hat th ey'v e a lr e ad y d ecid ed a m ong th em se lv es. T hat th ey n eed to k eep th eir id entit ie s s e cre t fr o m a nyo ne o uts id e th e g ro up . T heir n am es w ill b e c hanged o n p ap er; s o w ill th e nam e o f th e to w n a nd th e fa m ilie s th ey'v e w ork ed fo r. I w is h I c o uld s lip in , a s th e la st q uestio n, " B y th e w ay, d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e B ate s? " b ut I 'm p re tty s u re A ib ile en w ould te ll m e it 's a b ad id ea. T hey'r e s c are d e no ugh a s it is .
"N ow , E ula , s h e g o ne b e lik e p ry in g a d ead c la m o pen." A ib ile en p re p s m e b efo re e ach in te rv ie w .
She's a s a fr a id a s I a m th at I 'll s c are th em o ff b efo re it e ven s ta rts . " D on't g et fr u str a te d if s h e d on't sa y m uch." Eula , th e d ead c la m , s ta rts ta lk in g b efo re s h e's e ven s a t in th e c hair , b efo re I c an e xp la in a nyth in g, no t s to ppin g u ntil te n o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht.
"W hen I a sk ed fo r a r a is e th ey g ave it to m e. W hen I n eed ed a h o use , th ey b ought m e o ne. D octo r Tuck er c am e o ver to m y h o use h im se lf a nd p ic k ed a b ulle t o ut m y h usb and 's a rm b ecause h e w as afr a id H enry 'd c atc h s o m eth in g a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. I h ave w ork ed fo r D octo r T uck er a nd M is s Sis sy fo r fo rty -fo ur y ears . T hey b een s o g o od to m e. I w ash h er h air e ver F rid ay. I n ever s e en th at wom an w ash h er o w n h air ." S he s to ps fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht, lo oks lo neso m e a nd w orrie d . " If I die b efo re h er, I d on't k no w w hat M is s S is sy g o ne d o a b out g ettin g h er h air w ash ed ." I tr y n o t to s m ile to o e agerly . I d on't w ant to lo ok s u sp ic io us. A lic e, F anny A mos, a nd W in nie a re sh y, n eed c o axin g, k eep th eir e yes d ow n to th eir la p s. F lo ra L ou a nd C le o ntin e le t th e d oors fly open a nd th e w ord s tu m ble o ut w hile I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an, a sk in g th em e very fiv e m in ute s to ple ase , p le ase , s lo w d ow n. M any o f th e s to rie s a re s a d , b it te r. I e xp ecte d th is . B ut th ere a re a su rp ris in g n um ber o f g o od s to rie s to o. A nd a ll o f th em , a t s o m e p oin t, lo ok b ack a t A ib ile en a s if to ask , Are y o u s u re ? C an I r e a lly t e ll a w hit e w om an t h is ? "A ib ile en? W hat's g o ne h ap pen if ... th is th in g g et p rin te d a nd p eo ple fin d o ut w ho w e a re ?" s h y Win nie a sk s. " W hat y o u th in k th ey d o to u s? " Our e yes fo rm a tr ia ngle in th e k it c hen, o ne lo okin g a t th e o th er. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , r e ad y to assu re h er o f h o w c are fu l w e'r e b ein g.
"M y h usb and c o usin ... th ey to ok h er to ngue o ut. A w hile b ack it w as. F or ta lk in g to s o m e Wash in gto n p eo ple a b out th e K la n. Y ou th in k th ey g o ne ta k e o ur to ngues? F or ta lk in g to y o u?" I d on't k no w w hat to s a y.
To ngues . . . G od, th is h ad n't e xactly c ro sse d m y m in d . O nly ja il a nd perh ap s fa k e c harg es o r fin es. " I . . . w e'r e b ein g e xtr e m ely c are fu l, " I s a y b ut it c o m es o ut th in a nd unco nvin cin g. I lo ok a t A ib ile en, b ut s h e is lo okin g w orrie d to o.
"W e w on't k no w till th e tim e c o m es, W in nie ," A ib ile en s a ys s o ftly . " W on't b e lik e w hat y o u s e e o n th e n ew s, th o ugh. A w hit e la d y d o th in gs d if fe re nt th an a w hit e m an." I lo ok a t A ib ile en. S he's n ever s h are d w it h m e th e s p ecif ic s o f w hat s h e th in k s w ould h ap pen. I w ant to c hange th e s u b je ct. I t w on't d o u s a ny g o od to d is c uss it .
"N aw ." W in nie s h ak es h er h ead . " I r e ck on n o t. F act, a w hit e la d y m ig ht d o w ors e ." "W HER E A RE Y O U G O IN G?" M oth er c alls fr o m th e r e la xin g r o om . I h ave m y s a tc hel a nd th e tr u ck k eys. I k eep h ead in g fo r th e d oor.
"T o th e m ovie s," I c all.
"Y ou w ent to th e m ovie s la st n ig ht. C om e h ere , E ugenia ." I b ack tr a ck , s ta nd in th e d oorw ay. M oth er's u lc ers h ave b een a ctin g u p . A t s u p per s h e's b een e atin g no th in g b ut c hic k en b ro th , a nd I fe el b ad fo r h er. D ad dy w ent to b ed a n h o ur a go , b ut I c an't s ta y here w it h h er. " I'm s o rry , M oth er, I 'm la te . D o y o u w ant m e to b rin g y o u a nyth in g?" "W hat m ovie a nd w it h w ho m ? Y ou'v e b een o ut a lm ost e very n ig ht th is w eek ." "J u st . . . s o m e g ir ls . I 'll b e h o m e b y te n. A re y o u a lr ig ht? " "I'm fin e," s h e s ig hs. " G o o n, th en." I h ead to th e c ar, fe elin g g uilt y b ecause I 'm le avin g M oth er a lo ne w hen s h e's n o t fe elin g w ell. T hank God S tu art's in T exas b ecause I d oub t I c o uld lie to h im s o e asily . W hen h e c am e o ver th re e n ig hts ago , w e s a t o ut o n th e p orc h s w in g lis te nin g to th e c ric k ets . I w as s o tir e d fr o m w ork in g la te th e nig ht b efo re , I c o uld b are ly k eep m y e yes o pen, b ut I d id n't w ant h im to le ave. I la y w it h m y h ead in his la p . I r e ached u p a nd r u b bed m y h and a gain st th e b ris tle s o n h is fa ce. "W hen'r e y o u g o in g to le t m e r e ad s o m eth in g y o u'v e w rit te n?" h e a sk ed .
"Y ou c an r e ad th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n. I d id a g re at p ie ce o n m ild ew la st w eek ." He s m ile d , s h o ok h is h ead . " N o, I m ean I w ant to r e ad w hat y o u'r e th in kin g . I 'm p re tty s u re it 's n o t ab out h o use k eep in g." I w ond ere d th en, if h e k new I w as h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im . I t s c are d m e th at h e m ig ht fin d o ut ab out th e s to rie s, a nd th rille d m e th at h e w as e ven in te re ste d .
"W hen y o u'r e r e ad y. I w on't p ush y o u," h e s a id .
"M ayb e s o m etim e I 'll le t y o u," I s a id , fe elin g m y e yes c lo se .
"G o to s le ep , b ab y," h e s a id , s tr o kin g m y h air b ack fr o m m y fa ce. " L et m e ju st s it h ere w it h y o u fo r a while ." Wit h S tu art o ut o f to w n fo r th e n ext s ix d ays, I c an c o ncentr a te s o le ly o n th e in te rv ie w s. I h ead to Aib ile en's e very n ig ht a s n erv o us a s th e fir s t tim e. T he w om en a re ta ll, s h o rt, b la ck lik e a sp halt o r cara m el b ro w n. I f y o ur s k in is to o w hit e , I 'm to ld , y o u'll n ever g et h ir e d . T he b la ck er th e b ette r. T he ta lk tu rn s m und ane a t tim es, w it h c o m pla in ts o f lo w p ay, h ard h o urs , b ra tty c hild re n. B ut th en th ere are s to rie s o f w hit e b ab ie s d yin g in a rm s. T hat s o ft, e m pty lo ok in th eir s till b lu e e yes.
"O liv ia s h e w as c alle d . J u st a tin y b ab y, w it h h er tin y h and h o ld in g o n to m y fin ger, b re ath in g s o hard ," F anny A mos s a ys, o ur fo urth in te rv ie w . " H er m am a w asn 't e ven h o m e, g o ne to th e s to re fo r menth o la tu m . I t w as ju st m e a nd th e d ad dy. H e w ould n't le t m e p ut h er d ow n, to ld m e to h o ld h er till th e d octo r g et th ere . B ab y g re w c o ld in m y a rm s." There is u nd is g uis e d h ate fo r w hit e w om en, th ere is in exp lic ab le lo ve. F aye B elle , p als ie d a nd g ra y- sk in ned , c anno t r e m em ber h er o w n a ge. H er s to rie s u nfo ld lik e s o ft lin en. S he r e m em bers h id in g in a ste am er tr u nk w it h a lit tle w hit e g ir l w hile Y ank ee s o ld ie rs s to m ped th ro ugh th e h o use . T w enty y ears ago , s h e h eld th at s a m e w hit e g ir l, b y th en a n o ld w om an, in h er a rm s w hile s h e d ie d . E ach pro cla im ed th eir lo ve a s b est fr ie nd s. S w ore th at d eath c o uld n o t c hange th is . T hat c o lo r m eant no th in g. T he w hit e w om an's g ra nd so n s till p ays F aye B elle 's r e nt. W hen s h e's fe elin g s tr o ng, F aye Belle s o m etim es g o es o ver a nd c le ans u p h is k it c hen.
Louvenia is m y fif th in te rv ie w . S he is L ou A nne T em ple to n's m aid a nd I r e co gniz e h er fr o m s e rv in g me a t b rid ge c lu b . L ouvenia te lls m e h o w h er g ra nd so n, R obert, w as b lin d ed e arlie r th is y ear b y a whit e m an, b ecause h e u se d a w hit e b ath ro om . I r e call r e ad in g a b out it in th e p ap er a s L ouvenia no ds, w ait s fo r m e to c atc h u p o n m y ty p ew rit e r. T here is n o a nger in h er v o ic e a t a ll. I le arn th at Lou A nne, w ho m I fin d d ull a nd v ap id a nd h ave n ever p aid m uch m in d to , g ave L ouvenia tw o week s o ff w it h p ay s o s h e c o uld h elp h er g ra nd so n. S he b ro ught c asse ro le s to L ouvenia 's h o use se ven tim es d urin g th o se w eek s. S he r u sh ed L ouvenia to th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l w hen th e fir s t c all cam e a b out R obert a nd w ait e d th ere s ix h o urs w it h h er, u ntil th e o pera tio n w as o ver. L ou A nne h as never m entio ned th is to a ny o f u s. A nd I u nd ers ta nd c o m ple te ly w hy s h e w ould n't .
Angry s to rie s c o m e o ut, o f w hit e m en w ho 'v e tr ie d to to uch th em . W in nie s a id s h e w as fo rc ed o ver and o ver. C le o ntin e s a id s h e fo ught u ntil h is fa ce b le d a nd h e n ever tr ie d a gain . B ut th e d ic ho to m y o f lo ve a nd d is d ain liv in g s id e-b y-sid e is w hat s u rp ris e s m e. M ost a re in vit e d to a tte nd th e w hit e child re n's w ed din gs, b ut o nly if th ey'r e in th eir u nif o rm s. T hese th in gs I k no w a lr e ad y, y et h earin g th em fr o m c o lo re d m outh s, it is a s if I a m h earin g th em fo r th e fir s t tim e.
WE C AN NOT T alk fo r s e vera l m in ute s a fte r G re tc hen's le ft.
"L et's ju st m ove o n," A ib ile en s a ys. " W e d on't g o t to ... c o unt th at o ne." Gre tc hen is Y ule M ay's fir s t c o usin . S he a tte nd ed th e p ra yer m eetin g fo r Y ule M ay th at A ib ile en ho ste d w eek s a go , b ut s h e b elo ngs to a d if fe re nt c hurc h.
"I d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy s h e a gre ed if . . ." I w ant to g o h o m e. T he te nd ons in m y n eck h ave lo ck ed tig ht. M y fin gers a re tr e m blin g fr o m ty p in g a nd fr o m lis te nin g to G re tc hen's w ord s.
"I'm s o rry , I h ad n o id ea s h e g o ne d o th at." "It's n o t y o ur fa ult ," I s a y. I w ant to a sk h er h o w m uch o f w hat G re tc hen s a id is tr u e. B ut I c an't . I can't lo ok A ib ile en in th e fa ce.
I'd e xp la in ed th e " ru le s" to G re tc hen, ju st lik e w it h th e o th ers . G re tc hen h ad le aned b ack in h er c hair .
I th o ught s h e w as th in k in g a b out a s to ry to te ll. B ut s h e s a id , " L ook a t y o u. A no th er w hit e la d y tr y in g to m ak e a d olla r o ff o f c o lo re d p eo ple ." I g la nced b ack a t A ib ile en, n o t s u re h o w to r e sp ond to th is . W as I n o t c le ar o n th e m oney p art?
Aib ile en tilt e d h er h ead lik e s h e w asn 't s u re s h e'd h eard c o rre ctly .
"Y ou th in k a nyb ody's e ver g o in g to r e ad th is th in g?" G re tc hen la ughed . S he w as tr im in h er u nif o rm dre ss. S he w ore lip stic k , th e s a m e c o lo r p in k m e a nd m y fr ie nd s w ore . S he w as y o ung. S he s p oke evenly a nd w it h c are , lik e a w hit e p ers o n. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut th at m ad e it w ors e .
"A ll th e c o lo re d w om en y o u'v e in te rv ie w ed , th ey'v e b een r e al n ic e, h aven't th ey?" "Y es," I 'd s a id . " V ery n ic e." Gre tc hen lo oked m e s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. " T hey h ate y o u. Y ou k no w th at, r ig ht? E very lit tle th in g ab out y o u. B ut y o u'r e s o d um b, y o u th in k y o u'r e d oin g th em a fa vo r." "Y ou d on't h ave to d o th is ," I s a id . " Y ou v o lu nte ere d --" "Y ou k no w th e n ic est th in g a w hit e w om an's e ver d one fo r m e? G iv en m e th e h eel o n h er b re ad . T he co lo re d w om en c o m in g in h ere , th ey'r e ju st p la yin g a b ig tr ic k o n y o u. T hey'll n ever te ll y o u th e tr u th , la d y." "Y ou d on't h ave a ny id ea w hat th e o th er w om en h ave to ld m e," I s a id . I w as s u rp ris e d b y h o w d ense my a nger fe lt , a nd h o w e asily it s p ra ng u p .
"S ay it , la d y, s a y th e w ord y o u th in k e very tim e o ne o f u s c o m es in th e d oor.
Nig ger.
" Aib ile en s to od u p fr o m h er s to ol. " T hat's e no ugh, G re tc hen. Y ou g o o n h o m e." "A nd y o u k no w w hat, A ib ile en? Y ou a re ju st a s d um b a s s h e is ," G re tc hen s a id .
I w as s h o ck ed w hen A ib ile en p oin te d to th e d oor a nd h is se d , " Yo u g et o ut a m y h ouse .
" Gre tc hen le ft, b ut th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor, s h e s la p ped m e w it h a lo ok s o a ngry it g ave m e c hills .
TW O N IG HTS L ATER , I s it a cro ss fr o m C allie . S he h as c urly h air , m ostly g ra y. S he is s ix ty -se ven years o ld a nd s till in h er u nif o rm . S he is w id e a nd h eavy a nd p arts o f h er h ang o ver th e c hair . I 'm s till nerv o us fr o m th e in te rv ie w w it h G re tc hen.
I w ait fo r C allie to s tir h er te a. T here 's a g ro cery s a ck in th e c o rn er o f A ib ile en's k it c hen. I t's fu ll o f clo th es, a nd a p air o f w hit e p ants h angs o ver th e to p. A ib ile en's h o use is a lw ays s o n eat. I d on't kno w w hy s h e n ever d oes a nyth in g w it h th at s a ck .
Callie b egin s ta lk in g s lo w ly a nd I s ta rt to ty p e, g ra te fu l o f h er s lo w p ace. S he s ta re s o ff a s if s h e c an se e a m ovie s c re en b ehin d m e, p la yin g th e s c enes s h e's d esc rib in g.
"I w ork ed fo r M is s M arg are t th ir ty -e ig ht y ears . S he h ad h er a b ab y g ir l w it h th e c o lic a nd th e o nly th in g th at s to pped th e h urtin g w as to h o ld h er. S o I m ad e m e a w ra p . I tie d h er u p o n m y w ais t, to te d h er a ro und a ll d ay w it h m e fo r a e ntir e y ear. T hat b ab y lik e to b re ak m y b ack . P ut ic e p ack s on it e ver n ig ht a nd s till d o. B ut I lo ved th at g ir l. A nd I lo ved M is s M arg are t." She ta k es a s ip o f h er te a w hile I ty p e h er la st w ord s. I lo ok u p a nd s h e c o ntin ues.
"M is s M arg are t a lw ays m ad e m e p ut m y h air u p in a r a g, s a y s h e k no w c o lo re d s d on't w ash th eir hair . C ounte d e ver p ie ce a s ilv er a fte r I d one th e p olis h in g. W hen M is s M arg are t d ie o f th e la d y pro ble m s th ir ty y ears la te r, I g o to th e fu nera l. H er h usb and h ug m e, c ry o n m y s h o uld er. W hen it 's over, h e g iv e m e a e nvelo pe. I n sid e a le tte r fr o m M is s M arg are t r e ad in g, 'T hank y o u. F or m ak in g my b ab y s to p h urtin g. I n ever fo rg o t it .'" Callie ta k es o ff h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s, w ip es h er e yes.
"If a ny w hit e la d y r e ad s m y s to ry , th at's w hat I w ant th em to k no w . S ayin g th ank y o u, w hen y o u re ally m ean it , w hen y o u r e m em ber w hat s o m eo ne d one fo r y o u"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead , s ta re s d ow n at th e s c ra tc hed ta b le --"it 's s o g o od." Callie lo oks u p a t m e, b ut I c an't m eet h er e yes. "I ju st n eed a m in ute ," I s a y. I p re ss m y h and o n m y fo re head . I c an't h elp b ut th in k a b out Consta ntin e. I n ever th ank ed h er, n o t p ro perly . I t n ever o ccurre d to m e I w ould n't h ave th e c hance.
"Y ou fe el o kay, M is s S keete r? " A ib ile en a sk s.
"I'm . . . fin e," I s a y. " L et's k eep g o in g." Callie g o es o n to h er n ext s to ry . T he y ello w D r. S cho ll's s h o eb ox is o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h er, s till fu ll o f e nvelo pes. E xcep t fo r G re tc hen, a ll te n w om en h ave a sk ed th at th e m oney g o to w ard Y ule May's b oys' e d ucatio n.
ch ap te r 2 0 T H E P H ELA N F A M IL Y s ta nd s te nse , w ait in g o n th e b ric k s te p s o f S ta te S enato r W hit w orth 's h o use . T he h o use is in th e c ente r o f to w n, o n N orth S tr e et. I t is ta ll a nd w hit e -c o lu m ned , a p pro pria te ly a za le a-e d . A g o ld p la q ue d ecla re s it a h is to ric al la nd m ark . G as la nte rn s flic k er d esp it e t h e h o t s ix o 'c lo ck s u n.
" M oth er," I w his p er b ecause I c anno t r e p eat it e no ugh tim es. " P le ase , p le ase d on't fo rg et th e th in g w e ta lk ed a b out." " I s a id I w ould n't m entio n it , d arlin g." S he to uches th e p in s h o ld in g u p h er h air . " U nle ss it 's a p pro pria te ." I h ave o n th e n ew lig ht b lu e L ad y D ay s k ir t a nd m atc hin g ja ck et. D ad dy h as o n h is b la ck fu nera l s u it . H is b elt is c in ched to o tig ht to b e c o m fo rta b le m uch le ss fa sh io nab le . M oth er is w earin g a s im ple w hit e d re ss--lik e a c o untr y b rid e w earin g a h and -m e-d ow n, I s u d denly th in k , a nd I fe el a r u sh o f p anic th at w e h ave o verd re sse d , a ll o f u s. M oth er's g o in g to b rin g u p th e u gly g ir l's tr u st fu nd a nd w e lo ok lik e c o untr y fo lk o n a b ig d am n v is it to to w n.
" D ad dy, lo ose n y o ur b elt , it 's h it c hin g y o ur p ants u p ." H e fr o w ns a t m e a nd lo oks d ow n a t h is p ants . N ever o nce h ave I to ld m y d ad dy w hat to d o. T he d oor o pens.
" G ood e venin g." A c o lo re d w om an in a w hit e u nif o rm n o ds to u s. " T hey e xp ectin g y 'a ll. " W e s te p in to th e fo yer a nd th e fir s t th in g I s e e is th e c hand elie r, s p ark lin g, g auzy w it h lig ht. M y e yes r is e u p th e h o llo w tw ir l o f th e s ta ir c ase a nd it is a s if w e a re in sid e a g ig antic s e ash ell.
" W hy, h ello th ere ." I lo ok d ow n fr o m m y lo lly gaggin g. M is su s W hit w orth is c lic k in g in to th e fo yer, h and s e xte nd ed . S he h as o n a s u it lik e m in e, th ank fu lly , b ut in c rim so n. W hen s h e n o ds, h er g ra yin g-b lo nd h air d oes n o t m ove.
" H ello , M is su s W hit w orth , I a m C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n. W e th ank y o u s o m uch fo r h avin g u s." " D elig hte d ," s h e s a ys a nd s h ak es b oth m y p are nts ' h and s. " I'm F ra ncin e W hit w orth . W elc o m e to o ur h o m e." S he tu rn s to m e. " A nd y o u m ust b e E ugenia . W ell. I t is s o n ic e to fin ally m eet y o u." M is su s W hit w orth g ra sp s m y a rm s a nd lo oks m e in th e e yes. H ers a re b lu e, b eautif u l, lik e c o ld w ate r. H er f a ce is p la in a ro und th em . S he is a lm ost m y h eig ht in h er p eau d e s o ie h eels .
" S o n ic e to m eet y o u," I s a y. " S tu art's to ld m e s o m uch a b out y o u a nd S enato r W hit w orth ." S he s m ile s a nd s lid es h er h and d ow n m y a rm . I g asp a s a p ro ng o f h er r in g s c ra tc hes m y s k in .
"T here s h e is !" B ehin d M is su s W hit w orth , a ta ll, b ull- c heste d m an lu m bers to w ard m e. H e h ugs m e hard to h im , th en ju st a s q uic k ly flin gs m e b ack . " N ow I to ld L it tle S tu a m onth a go to g et th is g al u p to th e h o use . B ut fr a nk ly ," h e lo w ers h is v o ic e, " h e's s till a lit tle g un-sh y a fte r th at o th er o ne." I s ta nd th ere b lin k in g. " V ery n ic e to m eet y o u, s ir ." The S enato r la ughs lo ud ly . " Y ou k no w I 'm ju st te asin g y o u," h e s a ys, g iv es m e a no th er d ra stic h ug, cla p pin g m e o n th e b ack . I s m ile , tr y to c atc h m y b re ath . R em in d m yse lf h e is a m an w it h a ll s o ns.
He tu rn s to M oth er, s o le m nly b ow s a nd e xte nd s h is h and .
"H ello , S enato r W hit w orth ," M oth er s a ys. " I'm C harlo tte ." "V ery n ic e to m eet y o u, C harlo tte . A nd y o u c all m e S to ole y. A ll m y fr ie nd s d o." "S enato r," D ad dy s a ys a nd p um ps h is h and h ard . " W e th ank y o u fo r a ll y o u d id o n th at fa rm b ill.
Mad e a h eck o f a d if fe re nce." "S hee-o ot. T hat B illu p s tr ie d to w ip e h is s h o es o n it a nd I to ld h im , I s a id , C hic o , if M is sis sip pi d on't have c o tto n, h ell, M is sis sip pi d on't h ave noth in g ." He s la p s D ad dy o n th e s h o uld er a nd I n o tic e h o w s m all m y fa th er lo oks n ext to h im .
"Y 'a ll c o m e o n in ," th e S enato r s a ys. " I c an't ta lk p olit ic s w it h o ut a d rin k in m y h and ." The S enato r p ound s h is w ay o ut o f th e fo yer. D ad dy fo llo w s a nd I c rin ge a t th e fin e lin e o f m ud o n th e b ack o f h is s h o e. O ne m ore s w ip e o f th e r a g w ould 'v e g o tte n it , b ut D ad dy's n o t u se d to w earin g go od lo afe rs o n a S atu rd ay.
Moth er fo llo w s h im o ut a nd I g iv e o ne la st g la nce u p a t th e s p ark lin g c hand elie r. A s I tu rn , I c atc h th e m aid s ta rin g a t m e fr o m th e d oor. I s m ile a t h er a nd s h e n o ds. T hen s h e n o ds a gain , a nd d ro ps her e yes to th e flo or.
Oh.
M y n erv o usn ess r is e s lik e a tr ill in m y th ro at a s I r e aliz e , sh e k now s.
I s ta nd , fr o ze n b y h o w dup lic it o us m y lif e h as b eco m e. S he c o uld s h o w u p a t A ib ile en's , s ta rt te llin g m e a ll a b out s e rv in g th e Senato r a nd h is w if e .
"S tu art's s till d riv in g o ver fr o m S hre vep ort," th e S enato r h o lle rs . " G ot a b ig d eal b re w in g o ver th ere , I h ear." I tr y n o t to th in k a b out th e m aid a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath . I s m ile lik e th is is fin e, ju st fin e. L ik e I 'v e met s o m any b oyfr ie nd s' p are nts b efo re .
We m ove in to a fo rm al liv in g r o om w it h o rn ate m old in g a nd g re en v elv et s e tte es, s o fu ll o f h eavy fu rn it u re I c an h ard ly s e e th e flo or.
"W hat c an I g et y 'a ll to d rin k ?" M is te r W hit w orth g rin s lik e h e's o ffe rin g c hild re n c and y. H e h as a heavy, b ro ad fo re head a nd th e s h o uld ers o f a n a gin g lin eb ack er. H is e yeb ro w s a re th ic k a nd w ir y .
They w ig gle w hen h e ta lk s. Dad dy a sk s fo r a c up o f c o ffe e, M oth er a nd I fo r ic ed te a. T he S enato r's g rin d efla te s a nd h e lo oks back a t th e m aid to c o lle ct th ese m und ane d rin k s. I n th e c o rn er, h e p ours h im se lf a nd h is w if e so m eth in g b ro w n. T he v elv et s o fa g ro ans w hen h e s it s .
"Y our h o m e is ju st lo vely . I h ear it 's th e c ente rp ie ce o f th e to ur," M oth er s a ys. T his is w hat M oth er's been d yin g to s a y s in ce s h e fo und o ut a b out th is d in ner. M oth er's b een o n th e d in k y R id gela nd County H is to ric H om e C ouncil fo re ver, b ut r e fe rs to J a ck so n's h o m e to ur a s " h ig h c o tto n" c o m pare d to th eir s . " N ow , d o y 'a ll d o a ny k in d o f d re ss-u p o r s ta gin g fo r th e to urs ? " Senato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth g la nce a t e ach o th er. T hen M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s. " W e to ok it o ff th e to ur th is y ear. I t w as ju st . . . to o m uch." "O ff ? B ut it 's o ne o f th e m ost im porta nt h o use s in J a ck so n. W hy, I h eard S herm an s a id th e h o use was to o p re tty to b urn ." Mis su s W hit w orth ju st n o ds, s n if fs . S he is te n y ears y o unger th an m y m oth er b ut lo oks o ld er, esp ecia lly n o w a s h er fa ce tu rn s lo ng a nd p ru d is h .
"S ure ly y o u m ust fe el s o m e o blig atio n, fo r th e s a k e o f h is to ry . . ." M oth er s a ys, a nd I s h o ot h er a lo ok to le t it g o .
No o ne s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd a nd th en th e S enato r la ughs lo ud ly . " T here w as k in d o f a m ix - up ," h e b oom s. " P atr ic ia v an D evend er's m oth er is h ead o f th e c o uncil s o a fte r a ll th at . . . r u ck -a - muck w it h th e k id s, w e d ecid ed w e'd ju st a s s o on g et o ff th e to ur." I g la nce a t th e d oor, p ra yin g S tu art w ill g et h ere s o on. T his is th e s e co nd tim e sh e h as c o m e u p .
Mis su s W hit w orth g iv es th e S enato r a d eafe nin g lo ok.
"W ell, w hat a re w e g o nna d o, F ra ncin e? J u st n ever ta lk a b out h er a gain ? W e h ad th e d am n g aze b o built in th e b ack yard fo r th e w ed din g." Mis su s W hit w orth ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd I a m r e m in d ed o f w hat S tu art s a id to m e, th at th e Senato r o nly k no w s p art o f it , b ut h is m oth er, s h e k no w s a ll. A nd w hat s h e k no w s m ust b e m uch wors e th an ju st " ru ck -a -m uck ." "E ugenia "- -M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s--"I u nd ers ta nd y o u a im to b e a w rit e r. W hat k in d s o f th in gs d o yo u lik e to w rit e ?" I p ut m y s m ile b ack o n. F ro m o ne g o od s u b je ct to th e n ext. " I w rit e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n in th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.
I t c o m es o ut e very M ond ay." "O h, I th in k B essie r e ad s th at, d oesn 't s h e, S to ole y? I 'll h ave to a sk h er w hen I g o in th e k it c hen." "W ell, if s h e d oesn 't , s h e s u re a s h ell w ill n o w ." T he S enato r la ughs.
"S tu art s a id y o u w ere tr y in g to g et in to m ore s e rio us s u b je cts . A nyth in g p artic ula r? " Now e very o ne is lo okin g a t m e, in clu d in g th e m aid , a d if fe re nt o ne fr o m th e d oor, a s s h e h and s m e a gla ss o f te a. I d on't lo ok a t h er fa ce, te rrif ie d o f w hat I 'll s e e th ere . " I'm w ork in g o n a . . . a fe w --" "E ugenia is w rit in g a b out th e lif e o f J e su s C hris t," M oth er p ops in a nd I r e call m y m ost r e cent lie to co ver m y n ig hts o ut, c allin g it " re se arc h." "W ell, " M is su s W hit w orth n o ds, lo oks im pre sse d b y th is , " th at's c erta in ly a n h o no ra b le s u b je ct." I tr y to s m ile , d is g uste d b y m y o w n v o ic e. " A nd s u ch a n... im porta nt o ne." I g la nce a t M oth er. S he's beam in g.
The fr o nt d oor s la m s, s e nd in g a ll th e g la ss la m ps in to a fu rio us tin k le .
"S orry I 'm s o la te ." S tu art s tr id es in , w rin k le d fr o m th e c ar, p ullin g o n h is n avy s p orts c o at. W e a ll sta nd u p a nd h is m oth er h o ld s o ut h er a rm s to h im b ut h e h ead s s tr a ig ht fo r m e. H e p uts h is h and s o n my s h o uld ers a nd k is se s m y c heek . " S orry ," h e w his p ers a nd I b re ath e o ut, fin ally r e la x h alf a n in ch.
I tu rn a nd s e e h is m oth er s m ilin g lik e I ju st s n atc hed h er b est g uest to w el a nd w ip ed m y d ir ty h and s all o ver it .
"G et y o urs e lf a d rin k , s o n, s it d ow n," th e S enato r s a ys. W hen S tu art h as h is d rin k , h e s e ttle s n ext to me o n th e s o fa , s q ueeze s m y h and a nd d oesn 't le t g o .
Mis su s W hit w orth g iv es o ne g la nce a t o ur h and -h o ld in g a nd s a ys, " C harlo tte , w hy d on't I g iv e y o u and E ugenia a to ur o f th e h o use ?" For th e n ext fif te en m in ute s, I fo llo w M oth er a nd M is su s W hit w orth fr o m o ne o ste nta tio us r o om to th e n ext. M oth er g asp s o ver a g enuin e Y ank ee b ulle th o le in th e fr o nt p arlo r, th e b ulle t s till lo dged in th e w ood. T here a re le tte rs fr o m C onfe d era te s o ld ie rs ly in g o n a F ed era l d esk , s tr a te gic ally p la ced antiq ue s p ecta cle s a nd h and kerc hie fs . T he h o use is a s h rin e to th e W ar B etw een th e S ta te s a nd I wond er w hat it m ust'v e b een lik e fo r S tu art, g ro w in g u p in a h o m e w here y o u c an't to uch a nyth in g.
On th e th ir d flo or, M oth er g aggle s o ver a c ano py b ed w here R obert E . L ee s le p t. W hen w e fin ally co m e d ow n a " s e cre t" s ta ir c ase , I lin ger o ver fa m ily p ic tu re s in th e h allw ay. I s e e S tu art a nd h is tw o bro th ers a s b ab ie s, S tu art h o ld in g a r e d b all. S tu art in a c hris te nin g g o w n, h eld b y a c o lo re d w om an in w hit e u nif o rm .
Moth er a nd M is su s W hit w orth m ove d ow n th e h all, b ut I k eep lo okin g, fo r th ere is s o m eth in g s o deep ly d ear in S tu art's fa ce a s a y o ung b oy. H is c heek s w ere fa t a nd h is m oth er's b lu e e yes s h o ne th e s a m e a s th ey d o n o w . H is h air w as th e w hit is h -y ello w o f a d and elio n. A t n in e o r te n, h e s ta nd s wit h a h untin g r if le a nd a d uck . A t fif te en, n ext to a s la in d eer. A lr e ad y h e is g o od-lo okin g, r u gged . I pra y to G od h e n ever s e es m y te enage p ic tu re s.
I w alk a fe w s te p s a nd s e e h ig h s c ho ol g ra d uatio n, S tu art p ro ud in a m ilit a ry s c ho ol u nif o rm . I n th e cente r o f th e w all, th ere is a n e m pty s p ace w it h o ut a fr a m e, a r e cta ngle o f w allp ap er ju st th e s lig hte st sh ad e d ark er. A p ic tu re h as b een r e m oved .
"D ad , th at is e no ugh a b out- -" I h ear S tu art s a y, h is v o ic e s tr a in ed . B ut ju st a s q uic k ly , th ere is sile nce.
"D in ner is s e rv ed ," I h ear a m aid a nno unce a nd I w eave m y w ay b ack in to th e liv in g r o om . W e a ll tr a il in to th e d in in g r o om to a lo ng, d ark ta b le . T he P hela ns a re s e ate d o n o ne s id e, th e W hit w orth s on th e o th er. I a m d ia go nal fr o m S tu art, p la ced a s fa r a s p ossib le fr o m h im . A ro und th e r o om , th e wain sc o tin g p anels h ave b een p ain te d to d ep ic t s c enes o f p re -C iv il W ar tim es, h ap py N egro es pic k in g c o tto n, h o rs e s p ullin g w ago ns, w hit e -b eard ed s ta te sm en o n th e s te p s o f o ur c ap it o l. W e w ait while th e S enato r lin gers in th e liv in g r o om . " I'll b e r ig ht th ere , y 'a ll g o a head a nd s ta rt." I h ear th e clin k o f ic e, th e c lo p o f th e b ottle b ein g s e t d ow n tw o m ore tim es b efo re h e fin ally c o m es in a nd s it s at th e h ead o f th e ta b le .
Wald orf s a la d s a re s e rv ed . S tu art lo oks o ver a t m e a nd s m ile s e very fe w m in ute s. S enato r Whit w orth le ans o ver to D ad dy a nd s a ys, " I c am e fr o m n o th in g, y o u k no w . J e ffe rs o n C ounty , Mis sis sip pi. M y d ad dy d rie d p eanuts fo r e le ven c ents a p ound ." Dad dy s h ak es h is h ead . " D oesn 't g et m uch p oore r th an J e ffe rs o n C ounty ." I w atc h a s M oth er c uts o ff th e tin ie st b it e o f a p ple . S he h esit a te s, c hew s it fo r th e lo ngest tim e, win ces a s it g o es d ow n. S he w ould n't a llo w m e to te ll S tu art's p are nts a b out h er s to m ach p ro ble m .
In ste ad , M oth er r a vis h es M is su s W hit w orth w it h d egusta tio nary c o m plim ents . M oth er v ie w s th is su p per a s a n im porta nt m ove in th e g am e c alle d " C an M y D aughte r C atc h Y our S on?" "T he yo ung p eo ple s o e njo y e ach o th er's c o m pany." M oth er s m ile s. " W hy, S tu art c o m es o ut to s e e us a t th e h o use n early tw ic e a w eek ." "Is th at r ig ht? " s a ys M is su s W hit w orth .
"W e'd b e d elig hte d if y o u a nd th e S enato r c o uld d riv e o ut to th e p la nta tio n fo r s u p per s o m etim e, ta k e a w alk a ro und th e o rc hard ?" I lo ok a t M oth er.
Pla nta tio n is a n o utd ate d te rm s h e lik es to u se to g lo ss u p th e fa rm , w hile th e "o rc hard " is a b arre n a p ple tr e e. A p ear tr e e w it h a w orm p ro ble m .
But M is su s W hit w orth h as s tif fe ned a ro und th e m outh . " T w ic e a w eek ? S tu art, I h ad n o id ea y o u cam e to to w n th at o fte n." Stu art's fo rk s to ps in m id air . H e c asts a s h eep is h lo ok a t h is m oth er.
"Y 'a ll a re s o y o ung." M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s. " E njo y y o urs e lv es. T here 's n o n eed to g et s e rio us s o quic k ly ." The S enato r le ans h is e lb ow s o n th e ta b le . " F ro m a w om an w ho p ra ctic ally p ro pose d to th e o th er one h ers e lf , s h e w as in s u ch a h urry ." " Dad ," S tu art s a ys th ro ugh g rit te d te eth , b angin g h is fo rk a gain st h is p la te .
The ta b le is s ile nt, e xcep t fo r M oth er's th o ro ugh, m eth o dic al c hew in g to tr y to tu rn s o lid fo od in to paste . I to uch th e s c ra tc h, s till p in k a lo ng m y a rm .
The m aid la ys p re sse d c hic k en o n o ur p la te s, to ps it w it h a p erk y d ollo p o f m ayo nnais e y d re ssin g, and w e a ll s m ile , g la d fo r th e m ood b re ak er. A s w e e at, D ad dy a nd th e S enato r ta lk a b out c o tto n pric es, b oll w eevils . I c an s till s e e th e a nger o n S tu art's fa ce fr o m w hen th e S enato r m entio ned Patr ic ia . I g la nce a t h im e very fe w s e co nd s, b ut th e a nger d oesn 't s e em to b e fa d in g. I w ond er if th at's w hat th ey'd a rg ued a b out e arlie r, w hen I w as in th e h all.
The S enato r le ans b ack in h is c hair . " D id y o u s e e th at p ie ce th ey d id in Lif e m agazin e? O ne b efo re Med gar E vers , a b out w hat's -'is -n am e--C arl . . . R oberts ? " I lo ok u p , s u rp ris e d to fin d th e S enato r is a im in g th is q uestio n a t m e. I b lin k , c o nfu se d , h o pin g it 's because o f m y jo b a t th e n ew sp ap er. " It w as . . . h e w as ly nched . F or s a yin g th e g o vern o r w as . . ." I s to p, n o t b ecause I 'v e fo rg o tte n th e w ord s, b ut b ecause I r e m em ber th em .
"P ath etic ," th e S enato r s a ys, n o w tu rn in g to m y fa th er.
"W it h t h e m ora ls o f a s tre etw alk er.
" I e xhale , r e lie ved th e a tte ntio n is o ff m e. I lo ok a t S tu art to g auge h is r e actio n to th is . I 'v e n ever ask ed h im h is p osit io n o n c iv il r ig hts . B ut I d on't th in k h e's e ven lis te nin g to th e c o nvers a tio n. T he anger a ro und h is m outh h as tu rn ed fla t a nd c o ld .
My fa th er c le ars h is th ro at. " I'll b e h o nest," h e s a ys s lo w ly . " It m ak es m e s ic k to h ear a b out th at k in d of b ru ta lit y ." D ad dy s e ts h is fo rk d ow n s ile ntly . H e lo oks S enato r W hit w orth in th e e ye. " I'v e g o t tw enty -fiv e N egro es w ork in g m y fie ld s a nd if a nyo ne s o m uch a s la id a h and o n th em , o r a ny o f th eir fa m ilie s . . ." D ad dy's g aze is s te ad y. T hen h e d ro ps h is e yes. " I'm a sh am ed , s o m etim es, S enato r.
Ash am ed o f w hat g o es o n in M is sis sip pi. " Moth er's e yes a re b ig , s e t o n D ad dy. I a m s h o ck ed to h ear th is o pin io n. E ven m ore s h o ck ed th at he'd v o ic e it a t th is ta b le to a p olit ic ia n. A t h o m e, n ew sp ap ers a re fo ld ed s o th e p ic tu re s fa ce d ow n, te le vis io n c hannels a re tu rn ed w hen th e s u b je ct o f r a ce c o m es u p . I 'm s u d denly s o p ro ud o f m y dad dy, fo r m any r e aso ns. F or a s e co nd , I s w ear, I s e e it in M oth er's e yes to o, b eneath h er w orry th at F ath er h as o blit e ra te d m y fu tu re . I lo ok a t S tu art a nd h is fa ce r e gis te rs c o ncern , b ut in w hic h way, I d o n o t k no w .
The S enato r h as h is e yes n arro w ed o n D ad dy.
"I'll te ll y o u s o m eth in g, C arlt o n," th e S enato r s a ys. H e jig gle s th e ic e a ro und in h is g la ss. " B essie , brin g m e a no th er d rin k , w ould y o u p le ase ." H e h and s h is g la ss to th e m aid . S he q uic k ly r e tu rn s w it h a fu ll o ne.
"T ho se w ere n o t w is e w ord s to s a y a b out o ur g o vern o r," th e S enato r s a ys.
"I a gre e o ne h und re d p erc ent," D ad dy s a ys.
"B ut th e q uestio n I 'v e b een a sk in g m yse lf la te ly is , a re th ey tr u e?" "Sto ole y," M is su s W hit w orth h is se s. B ut th en ju st a s q uic k ly s h e s m ile s, s tr a ig hte ns. " N ow , Sto ole y," s h e s a ys lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , " o ur g uests h ere d on't w ant to g et in to a ll y o ur polit ic k in g d urin g--" "F ra ncin e, le t m e s p eak m y m in d . G od k no w s I c an't d o it fr o m n in e to fiv e, s o le t m e s p eak m y min d in m y o w n h o m e." Mis su s W hit w orth 's s m ile d oes n o t w aver, b ut th e s lig hte st b it o f p in k r is e s in h er c heek s. S he stu d ie s th e w hit e F lo ra d ora r o se s in th e c ente r o f th e ta b le . S tu art s ta re s a t h is p la te w it h th e s a m e co ld a nger a s b efo re . H e h asn 't lo oked a t m e s in ce th e c hic k en c o urs e . E very o ne is q uie t a nd th en so m eo ne c hanges th e s u b je ct to th e w eath er.
WHEN S U PPER is F IN ALLY O VER , w e'r e a sk ed to r e tir e o ut o n th e b ack p orc h fo r a fte r- d in ner drin k s a nd c o ffe e. S tu art a nd I lin ger in th e h allw ay. I to uch h is a rm , b ut h e p ulls a w ay.
"I k new h e'd g et d ru nk a nd s ta rt in o n e very th in g." "S tu art, it 's fin e," I s a y b ecause I th in k h e's ta lk in g a b out h is fa th er's p olit ic s. " W e'r e a ll h avin g a g o od tim e." But S tu art is s w eatin g a nd fe veris h -lo okin g. " It's P atr ic ia th is a nd P atr ic ia th at, a ll n ig ht lo ng," h e sa ys. " H ow m any tim es c an h e b rin g h er u p ?" "J u st fo rg et a b out it , S tu art. E very th in g's o kay." He r u ns a h and th ro ugh h is h air a nd lo oks e very w here b ut a t m e. I s ta rt to g et th e fe elin g th at I 'm n o t even h ere to h im . A nd th en I r e aliz e w hat I 'v e k no w n a ll n ig ht. H e is lo okin g a t m e b ut h e is th in k in g ab out . . .
her.
S he is e very w here . I n th e a nger in S tu art's e yes, o n S enato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth 's to ngues, o n th e w all w here h er p ic tu re m ust'v e h ung.
I te ll h im I n eed to g o to th e b ath ro om .
He s te ers m e d ow n th e h all. " M eet u s o ut b ack ," h e s a ys, b ut d oes n o t s m ile . I n th e b ath ro om , I sta re a t m y r e fle ctio n, te ll m yse lf th at it 's ju st to nig ht. E very th in g w ill b e fin e o nce w e'r e o ut o f th is ho use .
Afte r th e b ath ro om , I w alk b y th e liv in g r o om , w here th e S enato r is p ourin g h im se lf a no th er d rin k .
He c huck le s a t h im se lf , d ab s a t h is s h ir t, th en lo oks a ro und to s e e if a nyo ne's s e en h im s p ill. I tr y to tip to e p ast th e d oorw ay b efo re h e s p ots m e.
"T here y o u a re !" I h ear h im h o lle r a s I s lip b y. I b ack u p s lo w ly in to th e d oorw ay a nd h is fa ce lig hts up . " W assa m atte r, y o u lo st? " H e w alk s o ut in to th e h allw ay.
"N o s ir , I w as ju st . . . g o in g to m eet e very b ody." "C om e h ere , g al. " H e p uts h is a rm a ro und m e a nd th e s m ell o f b ourb on b urn s m y e yes. I s e e th e fr o nt o f h is s h ir t is s a tu ra te d w it h it . " Y ou h avin g a g o od tim e?" "Y essir . T hank y o u." "N ow , S tu art's m am a, d on't y o u le t h er s c are y o u o ff. S he's ju st p ro te ctiv e, is a ll. " "O h n o , s h e's b een . . . v ery n ic e. E very th in g's fin e." I g la nce d ow n th e h all, w here I c an h ear th eir vo ic es.
He s ig hs, s ta re s o ff. " W e'v e h ad a r e al h ard y ear w it h S tu art. I g uess h e to ld y o u w hat h ap pened ." I n o d, fe elin g m y s k in p ric k le .
"O h, it w as b ad ," h e s a ys. " S o b ad ." T hen s u d denly h e s m ile s. " L ook a h ere ! L ook w ho 's c o m in g to sa y h ello to y o u." H e s c o ops u p a tin y w hit e d og, d ra p es it a cro ss h is a rm lik e a te nnis to w el. " S ay hello , D ix ie ," h e c ro ons, " s a y h ello to M is s E ugenia ." T he d og s tr u ggle s, s tr a in s it s h ead a w ay fr o m th e r e ek in g s m ell o f th e s h ir t.
The S enato r lo oks b ack a t m e w it h a b la nk s ta re . I th in k h e's fo rg o tte n w hat I 'm d oin g h ere .
"I w as ju st h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h," I s a y.
"C om e o n, c o m e in h ere ." H e tu gs m e b y th e e lb ow , s te ers m e th ro ugh a p anele d d oor. I e nte r a sm all r o om w it h a h eavy d esk , a y ello w lig ht s h in in g s ic k is h ly o n th e d ark g re en w alls . H e p ush es th e door s h ut b ehin d m e a nd I im med ia te ly fe el th e a ir c hange, g ro w c lo se a nd c la ustr o pho bic .
"N ow , lo ok, e very b ody s a ys I ta lk to o m uch w hen I 'v e h ad a fe w b ut . . ." th e S enato r n arro w s h is eyes a t m e, lik e w e a re o ld c o nsp ir a to rs , " I w ant to te ll y o u s o m eth in g." The d og's g iv en u p a ll s tr u ggle , s e d ate d b y th e s m ell o f th e s h ir t. I a m s u d denly d esp era te to g o ta lk to S tu art, lik e e very s e co nd I 'm a w ay I 'm lo sin g h im . I b ack a w ay.
"I th in k --I s h o uld g o fin d --" I r e ach fo r th e d oor h and le , s u re I 'm b ein g te rrib ly r u d e, b ut n o t a b le to sta nd th e a ir in h ere , th e s m ell o f liq uo r a nd c ig ars .
The S enato r s ig hs, n o ds a s I g rip th e h and le . " O h. Y ou to o, h uh." H e le ans b ack a gain st th e d esk , lo okin g d efe ate d .
I s ta rt to o pen th e d oor b ut it 's th e s a m e lo st lo ok o n th e S enato r's fa ce a s th e o ne S tu art h ad w hen he s h o w ed u p o n m y p are nts ' p orc h. I fe el lik e I h ave n o c ho ic e b ut to a sk , " M e to o w hat . . . s ir ? " The S enato r lo oks o ver a t th e p ic tu re o f M is su s W hit w orth , h uge a nd c o ld , m ounte d o n h is o ffic e wall lik e a w arn in g. " I s e e it , is a ll. I n y o ur e yes." H e c huck le s b it te rly . " A nd h ere I w as h o pin g y o u mig ht b e th e o ne w ho h alf w ay lik ed th e o ld m an. I m ean, if y o u e ver jo in ed th is o ld fa m ily ." I lo ok a t h im n o w , tin glin g fr o m h is w ord s . . .
jo in ed t h is o ld f a m ily .
"I d on't . . . d is lik e y o u, s ir ," I s a y, s h if tin g in m y fla ts .
"I d on't m ean to b ury y o u in o ur tr o ub le s, b ut th in gs h ave b een p re tty h ard h ere , E ugenia . W e w ere worrie d s ic k a fte r a ll th at m ess la st y ear. W it h th e o th er o ne." H e s h ak es h is h ead , lo oks d ow n a t th e gla ss in h is h and . " S tu art, h e ju st u p a nd le ft h is a p artm ent in J a ck so n, m oved e very th in g o ut to th e cam p h o use in V ic k sb urg ." "I k no w h e w as v ery . . . u p se t," I s a y, w hen tr u th fu lly , I k no w a lm ost n o th in g a t a ll. "D ead 's m ore lik e it . H ell, I 'd d riv e o ut to s e e h im a nd h e'd ju st b e s it tin g th ere in fr o nt o f th e win d ow , c ra ck in g p ecans. W asn 't e ven e atin g e m , ju st p ullin g o ff th e s h ell, to ssin g e m in th e tr a sh .
Would n't ta lk to m e o r h is m am a fo r . . . fo r month s.
" He c ru m ple s in o n h im se lf , th is g ig antic b ull o f a m an, a nd I w ant to e sc ap e a nd r e assu re h im a t th e sa m e tim e, h e lo oks s o p ath etic , b ut th en h e lo oks u p a t m e w it h h is b lo odsh o t e yes, s a ys, " S eem s lik e te n m in ute s a go I w as s h o w in g h im h o w to lo ad h is fir s t r if le , w rin g h is fir s t d ove-b ir d . B ut e ver sin ce th e th in g w it h th at g ir l, h e's . . . d if fe re nt. H e w on't te ll m e a nyth in g. I ju st w ant to k no w , is m y so n a lr ig ht? " "I . . . I th in k h e is . B ut h o nestly , I d on't . . . r e ally k no w ." I lo ok a w ay. I n sid e, I 'm s ta rtin g to r e aliz e th at I d on't k no w S tu art. I f th is d am aged h im s o m uch, a nd h e c an't e ven s p eak to m e a b out it , th en what a m I to h im ? J u st a d iv ers io n? S om eth in g s it tin g b esid e h im to k eep h im fr o m th in k in g a b out what's r e ally te arin g h im u p in sid e?
I lo ok a t th e S enato r, tr y to th in k o f s o m eth in g c o m fo rtin g, s o m eth in g m y m oth er w ould s a y. B ut it 's ju st a d ead s ile nce.
"F ra ncin e w ould h ave m y h id e if s h e k new I w as a sk in g y o u th is ." "It's a lr ig ht, s ir ," I s a y. " I d on't m in d th at y o u d id ." He lo oks e xhauste d b y it a ll, tr ie s to s m ile . " T hank y o u, d arlin '. G o o n a nd s e e m y s o n. I 'll s e e y 'a ll out th ere in a w hile ." I E SC APE T O T H E b ack P O RC H a nd s ta nd n ext to S tu art. L ig htn in g b urs ts in th e s k y, g iv in g u s a fla sh o f th e e erily b rillia nt g ard ens, th en th e d ark ness s u ck s it a ll b ack in . T he g aze b o, s k ele to n-lik e, lo om s a t th e e nd o f th e g ard en p ath . I fe el n ause o us fr o m th e g la ss o f s h erry I d ra nk a fte r s u p per.
The S enato r c o m es o ut, lo okin g c urio usly m ore s o ber, in a fr e sh s h ir t, p la id a nd p re sse d , e xactly th e sa m e a s th e la st o ne. M oth er a nd M is su s W hit w orth s tr o ll a fe w s te p s, p oin tin g a t s o m e r a re r o se win d in g it s n eck u p o nto th e p orc h. S tu art p uts h is h and o n m y s h o uld er. H e is s o m eho w b ette r, b ut I a m g ro w in g w ors e .
"C an w e . . . ? " I p oin t in sid e a nd S tu art fo llo w s m e in sid e. I s to p in th e h allw ay w it h th e s e cre t sta ir c ase .
"T here 's a lo t I d on't k no w a b out y o u, S tu art," I s a y.
He p oin ts to th e w all o f p ic tu re s b ehin d m e, th e e m pty s p ace in clu d ed . " W ell, h ere it a ll is ." "S tu art, y o ur d ad dy, h e to ld m e . . ." I tr y to fin d a w ay to p ut it .
He n arro w s h is e yes a t m e. " T old y o u w hat? " "H ow b ad it w as. H ow h ard it w as o n y o u," I s a y. " W it h P atr ic ia ." "H e d oesn 't k no w anyth in g . H e d oesn 't k no w w ho it w as o r w hat it w as a b out o r . . ." He le ans b ack a gain st th e w all a nd c ro sse s h is a rm s a nd I s e e th at o ld a nger a gain , d eep a nd r e d .
He is w ra p ped in it .
"S tu art. Y ou d on't h ave to te ll m e n o w . B ut s o m etim e, w e'r e g o in g to h ave to ta lk a b out th is ." I 'm su rp ris e d b y h o w c o nfid ent I s o und , w hen I c erta in ly d on't fe el it .
He lo oks m e d eep in th e e yes, s h ru gs. " S he s le p t w it h s o m eo ne e ls e . T here ." "S om eo ne . . . y o u k no w ?" "N o o ne k new h im . H e w as o ne o f th o se le eches, h angin g a ro und th e s c ho ol, c o rn erin g th e te achers to d o s o m eth in g a b out th e in te gra tio n la w s. W ell, s h e d id s o m eth in g a lr ig ht." "Y ou m ean . . . h e w as a n a ctiv is t? W it h th e c iv il r ig hts . . . ? " "T hat's it . N ow y o u k no w ." "W as h e . . . c o lo re d ?" I g ulp a t th e th o ught o f th e c o nse q uences, b ecause e ven to m e, th at w ould b e ho rrif ic , d is a str o us.
" No , h e w asn 't c o lo re d . H e w as s c um . S om e Y ank ee fr o m N ew Y ork , th e k in d y o u s e e o n th e T .V .
wit h th e lo ng h air a nd th e p eace s ig ns." I a m s e arc hin g m y h ead fo r th e r ig ht q uestio n to a sk b ut I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g.
"Y ou k no w th e r e ally c ra zy p art, S keete r? I c o uld 'v e g o tte n o ver it . I c o uld 'v e fo rg iv en h er. S he ask ed m e to , to ld m e h o w s o rry s h e w as. B ut I k new , if it e ver g o t o ut w ho h e w as, th at S enato r Whit w orth 's d aughte r- in -la w g o t in b ed w it h a Y ank ee g o ddam n a ctiv is t, it w ould r u in h im . K ill h is care er lik e th at." H e s n ap s h is fin gers w it h a c ra ck .
"B ut y o ur fa th er, a t th e ta b le . H e s a id h e th o ught R oss B arn ett w as w ro ng." "Y ou k no w th at's n o t th e w ay it w ork s. I t d oesn 't m atte r w hat h e b elie ves. I t's w hat M is sis sip pi belie ves. H e's r u nnin g fo r th e U .S . S enate th is fa ll a nd I 'm u nfo rtu nate e no ugh to k no w th at." "S o y o u b ro ke u p w it h h er b ecause o f y o ur fa th er? " "N o, I b ro ke u p w it h h er b ecause s h e c heate d ." H e lo oks d ow n a t h is h and s a nd I c an s e e th e sh am e e atin g a w ay a t h im . " B ut I d id n't ta k e h er b ack b ecause o f . . . m y fa th er." "S tu art, a re y o u . . . s till in lo ve w it h h er? " I a sk , a nd I tr y to s m ile a s if it 's n o th in g, ju st a q uestio n, even th o ugh I fe el a ll m y b lo od r u sh in g to m y fe et. I fe el lik e I w ill fa in t a sk in g th is .
His b ody s lu m ps s o m e, a gain st th e g o ld -p atte rn ed w allp ap er. H is v o ic e s o fte ns. "Y ou'd n ever d o th at. L ie th at w ay. N ot to m e, n o t to a nyb ody." He h as n o id ea h o w m any p eo ple I 'm ly in g to . B ut it 's n o t th e p oin t. " A nsw er m e, S tu art. A re y o u?" He r u b s h is te m ple s, s tr e tc hin g h is h and a cro ss h is e yes. H id in g h is e yes is w hat I 'm th in k in g.
"I th in k w e o ught to q uit fo r a w hile ," h e w his p ers .
I r e ach o ver to h im o ut o f r e fle x, b ut h e b ack s a w ay. " I n eed s o m e tim e, S keete r. S pace, I g uess. I need to g o to w ork a nd d rill o il a nd . . . g et m y h ead s tr a ig ht a w hile ." I fe el m y m outh s lid e o pen. O ut o n th e p orc h, I h ear th e s o ft c alls o f o ur p are nts . I t is tim e to le ave.
I w alk b ehin d S tu art to th e fr o nt o f th e h o use . T he W hit w orth s s to p in th e s p ir a lin g fo yer w hile w e th re e P hela ns h ead o ut th e d oor. I n a c o tto ny c o m a I lis te n a s e very o ne p le d ges to d o it a gain , o ut a t th e P hela ns n ext tim e. I te ll th em a ll g o odbye, th ank y o u, m y o w n v o ic e s o und in g s tr a nge to m e.
Stu art w aves fr o m th e s te p s a nd s m ile s a t m e s o o ur p are nts c an't te ll th at a nyth in g h as c hanged .
ch ap te r 2 1 W E S TA N D in th e r e la xin g r o om , M oth er a nd D ad dy a nd I , s ta rin g a t th e s ilv er b ox in th e w in d ow .
I t is th e s iz e o f a tr u ck e ngin e, n o se d in k no bs, s h in y w it h c hro m e, g le am in g w it h m odern -d ay h o pe.
F ed ders , it r e ad s.
" W ho a re th ese F ed ders a nyw ay?" M oth er a sk s. " W here a re th eir p eo ple fr o m ?" " G o o n a nd tu rn th e c ra nk , C harlo tte ." " O h I c an't . I t's to o ta ck y." " J e su s, M am a, D octo r N eal s a id y o u n eed it . N ow s ta nd b ack ." M y p are nts g la re a t m e. T hey d o n o t k no w S tu art b ro ke u p w it h m e a fte r th e W hit w orth s u p per. O r th e r e lie f I lo ng fo r fr o m th is m achin e. T hat e very m in ute I fe el s o h o t, s o g o ddam n s in ged a nd h urt, I th in k I m ig ht c atc h o n fir e .
I flip th e k no b to " 1 ." O verh ead , th e c hand elie r b ulb s d im . T he w hir c lim bs s lo w ly lik e it 's w ork in g i t s w ay u p a h ill. I w atc h a fe w te nd rils o f M oth er's h air lif t g ently in to th e a ir .
" O h . . .
my ," M oth er s a ys a nd c lo se s h er e yes. S he's b een s o tir e d la te ly a nd h er u lc ers a re g ettin g w ors e . D octo r N eal s a id k eep in g th e h o use c o ol w ould a t le ast m ak e h er m ore c o m fo rta b le .
" It's n o t e ven o n fu ll b la st," I s a y a nd I tu rn it u p a n o tc h, to " 2 ." T he a ir b lo w s a lit tle h ard er, g ro w s c o ld er, a nd w e a ll th re e s m ile , o ur s w eat e vap ora tin g fr o m o ur fo re head s.
" W ell, h eck , le t's ju st g o a ll th e w ay," D ad dy s a ys, a nd tu rn s it u p to " 3 ," w hic h is th e h ig hest, c o ld est, m ost w ond erfu l s e ttin g o f a ll, a nd M oth er g ig gle s. W e s ta nd w it h o ur m outh s o pen lik e w e c o uld e at it . T he lig hts b rig hte n a gain , th e w hir g ro w s lo ud er, o ur s m ile s lif t h ig her, a nd th en it a ll s to ps d ead . D ark .
" W hat . . . h ap pened ?" M am a s a ys.
D ad dy lo oks u p a t th e c eilin g. H e w alk s o ut in to th e h all.
" D am n th in g b le w th e c urre nt." M oth er fa ns h er h and kerc hie f o n h er n eck . " W ell, g o od h eavens, C arlt o n, g o fix it ." F or a n h o ur, I h ear D ad dy a nd J a m eso th ro w in g s w it c hes a nd c la nk in g to ols , b oots k no ck in g o n th e p orc h. A fte r th ey'v e fix ed it a nd I s it th ro ugh a le ctu re fr o m D ad dy to n ever tu rn it to " 3 " a gain o r it w ill b lo w th e h o use to p ie ces, M oth er a nd I w atc h a s a n ic y m is t g ro w s o n th e w in d ow s. M oth er d oze s in h er b lu e Q ueen A nne c hair , h er g re en b la nk et p ulle d to h er c hest. I w ait u ntil s h e is a sle ep , l is te nin g fo r th e s o ft s n o re , th e p uck er o f h er fo re head . O n tip to e, I tu rn o ut a ll th e la m ps, th e t e le vis io n, e very e le ctr ic it y s u ck er d ow nsta ir s s a ve th e r e fr ig era to r. I s ta nd in fr o nt o f th e w in d ow a nd u nb utto n m y b lo use . C are fu lly , I tu rn th e d ia l to " 3 ". B ecause I lo ng to fe el n o th in g. I w ant to b e f r o ze n in sid e. I w ant th e ic y c o ld to b lo w d ir e ctly o n m y h eart.
T he p ow er b lo w s o ut in a b out th re e s e co nd s.
FO R T H E N EX T T W O W EEK S, I s u b m erg e m yse lf in th e in te rv ie w s. I k eep m y ty p ew rit e r o n th e back p orc h a nd w ork m ost o f th e d ay lo ng a nd in to th e n ig ht. T he s c re ens g iv e th e g re en y ard a nd fie ld s a h azy lo ok. S om etim es I c atc h m yse lf s ta rin g o ff a t th e fie ld s, b ut I a m n o t h ere . I a m in th e old J a ck so n k it c hens w it h th e m aid s, h o t a nd s tic k y in th eir w hit e u nif o rm s. I fe el th e g entle b odie s o f whit e b ab ie s b re ath in g a gain st m e. I fe el w hat C onsta ntin e fe lt w hen M oth er b ro ught m e h o m e fr o m th e h o sp it a l a nd h and ed m e o ver to h er. I le t th eir c o lo re d m em orie s d ra w m e o ut o f m y o w n mis e ra b le lif e .
"S keete r, w e h aven't h eard fr o m S tu art in w eek s," M oth er s a ys fo r th e e ig hth tim e. " H e's n o t c ro ss wit h y o u, n o w , is h e?" At th e m om ent, I a m w rit in g th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n. O nce a head b y th re e m onth s, s o m eho w I 'v e managed to a lm ost m is s m y d ead lin e. " H e's fin e, M oth er. H e d oesn 't h ave to c all e very m in ute o f th e day." B ut th en I s o fte n m y v o ic e. E very d ay s h e s e em s th in ner. T he s h arp ness o f h er c o lla rb one is eno ugh to ta m p d ow n m y ir rit a tio n a t h er c o m ment. " H e's ju st tr a velin g is a ll, M am a." This s e em s to p la cate h er fo r th e m om ent a nd I te ll th e s a m e s to ry to E liz a b eth , w it h a fe w m ore deta ils to H illy , p in chin g m y a rm to b ear h er in sip id s m ile . B ut I d o n o t k no w w hat to te ll m yse lf .
Stu art n eed s " s p ace" a nd " tim e," a s if th is w ere p hysic s a nd n o t a h um an r e la tio nsh ip .
So in ste ad o f fe elin g s o rry fo r m yse lf e very m in ute o f th e d ay, I w ork . I ty p e. I s w eat. W ho k new heartb re ak w ould b e s o g o ddam n h o t. W hen M oth er's ly in g d ow n o n h er b ed , I p ull m y c hair u p to th e a ir c o nd it io ner a nd s ta re in to it . I n J u ly , it b eco m es a s ilv er s h rin e. I fin d P asc ago ula p re te nd in g to dust w it h o ne h and , w hile h o ld in g u p h er h air b ra id s a t th e th in g w it h th e o th er. I t's n o t a s if it 's a n ew in ventio n, a ir - c o nd it io nin g, b ut e very s to re in to w n th at h as it p uts a s ig n in th e w in d ow , p rin ts it o n it s a d s b ecause it is s o v it a l. I m ak e a c ard board s ig n fo r th e P hela n h o use , p la ce it o n th e fr o nt doork no b, N OW A IR -C O NDIT IO NED . M oth er s m ile s, b ut p re te nd s s h e's n o t a m use d .
On a r a re e venin g h o m e, I s it w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy a t th e d in ner ta b le . M oth er n ib ble s o n h er su p per. S he s p ent th e a fte rn o on tr y in g to k eep m e fr o m fin d in g o ut s h e'd b een v o m it in g. S he p re sse s her fin gers a lo ng th e to p o f h er n o se to h o ld b ack h er h ead ache a nd s a ys, " I w as th in k in g a b out th e tw enty -fif th , d o y o u th in k th at's to o s o on to h ave th em o ver? " a nd I s till c anno t b rin g m yse lf to te ll her th at S tu art a nd I h ave b ro ken u p .
But I c an s e e it o n h er fa ce, th at M oth er fe els w ors e th an b ad to nig ht. S he is p ale a nd tr y in g to s it u p lo nger th an I k no w s h e w ants to . I ta k e h er h and a nd s a y, " L et m e c heck , M am a. I 'm s u re th e tw enty -fif th w ill b e fin e." S he s m ile s fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll d ay.
AIB IL EEN S M IL ES A T T H E S TA CK o f p ages o n h er k it c hen ta b le . I t's a n in ch th ic k , d oub le - sp aced , a nd s ta rtin g to lo ok lik e s o m eth in g th at c an s it o n a s h elf . A ib ile en is a s e xhauste d a s I a m , su re ly m ore s in ce s h e w ork s a ll d ay a nd th en c o m es h o m e to th e in te rv ie w s a t n ig ht.
"L ook a th at," s h e s a ys. " T hat th in g's a lm ost a book.
" I n o d, tr y to s m ile , b ut th ere is s o m uch w ork le ft to d o. I t's n early A ugust a nd e ven th o ugh it 's n o t due u ntil J a nuary , w e s till h ave fiv e m ore in te rv ie w s to s o rt th ro ugh. W it h A ib ile en's h elp , I 'v e m old ed and c ut a nd a rra nged fiv e o f th e w om en's c hap te rs in clu d in g M in ny's , b ut th ey s till n eed w ork .
Thank fu lly , A ib ile en's s e ctio n is d one. I t is tw enty -o ne p ages, b eautif u lly w rit te n, s im ple .
There a re s e vera l d oze n m ad e-u p n am es, b oth w hit e a nd c o lo re d , a nd a t tim es, it is h ard to k eep th em a ll s tr a ig ht. A ll a lo ng, A ib ile en h as b een S ara h R oss. M in ny c ho se G ertr u d e B la ck , fo r w hat re aso n I d on't k no w . I h ave c ho se n A no nym ous, a lt h o ugh E la in e S te in d oesn 't k no w th is y et.
Nic eville , M is sis sip pi, is th e n am e o f o ur to w n b ecause it d oesn 't e xis t, b ut w e d ecid ed a r e al s ta te nam e w ould d ra w in te re st. A nd s in ce M is sis sip pi h ap pens to b e th e w ors t, w e fig ure d w e'd b ette r use it .
A b re eze b lo w s th ro ugh th e w in d ow a nd th e to p p ages flu tte r. W e b oth s la m o ur p alm s d ow n to catc h th em .
"Y ou th in k . . . s h e g o ne w ant a p rin t it ? " a sk s A ib ile en. " W hen it 's d one?" I tr y to s m ile a t A ib ile en, s h o w s o m e fa ls e c o nfid ence. " I h o pe s o ," I s a y a s b rig htly a s I c an m anage.
"S he s e em ed in te re ste d in th e id ea a nd s h e . . . w ell, th e m arc h is c o m in g u p a nd . . ." I h ear m y o w n v o ic e ta p er o ff. I tr u ly d on't k no w if M is su s S te in w ill w ant to p rin t it . B ut w hat I d o kno w is , th e r e sp onsib ilit y o f th e p ro je ct la ys o n m y s h o uld ers a nd I s e e it in th eir h ard w ork in g, lin ed fa ces, h o w m uch th e m aid s w ant th is b ook to b e p ub lis h ed . T hey a re s c are d , lo okin g a t th e b ack door e very te n m in ute s, a fr a id th ey'll g et c aught ta lk in g to m e. A fr a id th ey'll b e b eate n lik e Louvenia 's g ra nd so n, o r, h ell, b lu d geo ned in th eir fr o nt y ard lik e M ed gar E vers . T he r is k th ey'r e ta k in g is p ro of th ey w ant th is to g et p rin te d a nd th ey w ant it b ad .
I n o lo nger fe el p ro te cte d ju st b ecause I 'm w hit e . I c heck o ver m y s h o uld er o fte n w hen I d riv e th e tr u ck to A ib ile en's . T he c o p w ho s to pped m e a fe w m onth s b ack is m y r e m in d er: I a m n o w a th re at to e very w hit e fa m ily in to w n. E ven th o ugh s o m any o f th e s to rie s a re g o od, c ele b ra tin g th e b ond s o f wom en a nd fa m ily , th e b ad s to rie s w ill b e th e o nes th at c atc h th e w hit e p eo ple 's a tte ntio n. T hey w ill mak e th eir b lo od b oil a nd th eir fis ts s w in g. W e m ust k eep th is a p erfe ct s e cre t.
I'm D ELIB ER ATELY F IV E M IN UTES L ATE fo r th e M ond ay n ig ht L eague m eetin g, o ur fir s t in a month . H illy 's b een d ow n a t th e c o ast, w ould n't d are a llo w a m eetin g w it h o ut h er. S he's ta n a nd re ad y to le ad . S he h o ld s h er g avel lik e a w eap on. A ll a ro und m e, w om en s it a nd s m oke c ig are tte s, tip th em in to g la ss a sh tr a ys o n th e flo or. I c hew m y n ails to k eep fr o m s m okin g o ne. I h aven't sm oked in s ix d ays.
Besid es th e c ig are tte m is sin g fr o m m y h and , I 'm jit te ry fr o m th e fa ces a ro und m e. I e asily s p ot s e ven wom en in th e r o om w ho a re r e la te d to s o m eo ne in th e b ook, if n o t in it th em se lv es. I w ant to g et o ut of h ere a nd g et b ack to w ork , b ut tw o lo ng, h o t h o urs p ass b efo re H illy fin ally b angs h er g avel. B y th en, e ven s h e lo oks tir e d o f h earin g h er o w n v o ic e.
Gir ls s ta nd a nd s tr e tc h. S om e h ead o ut, e ager to a tte nd to th eir h usb and s. O th ers d aw dle , th e o nes wit h a k it c hen fu ll o f k id s a nd h elp th at h as g o ne h o m e. I g ath er m y th in gs q uic k ly , h o pin g to a vo id ta lk in g to a nyo ne, e sp ecia lly H illy .
But b efo re I c an e sc ap e, E liz a b eth c atc hes m y e ye, w aves m e o ver. I h aven't s e en h er fo r w eek s and I c an't a vo id s p eak in g to h er. I fe el g uilt y th at I h aven't b een to s e e h er. S he g ra b s th e b ack o f her c hair a nd r a is e s h ers e lf u p . S he is s ix m onth s p re gnant, w oozy fr o m th e p re gnancy tr a nq uiliz e rs .
"H ow a re y o u fe elin g?" I a sk . E very th in g o n h er b ody is th e s a m e e xcep t h er s to m ach is h uge a nd sw olle n. " Is it a ny b ette r th is tim e?" "G od, n o , it 's a w fu l a nd I s till h ave th re e m onth s to g o ." We'r e b oth q uie t. E liz a b eth b urp s fa in tly , lo oks a t h er w atc h. F in ally , s h e p ic k s u p h er b ag, a b out to le ave, b ut th en s h e ta k es m y h and . " I h eard ," s h e w his p ers , " a b out y o u a nd S tu art. I 'm s o s o rry ." I lo ok d ow n. I 'm n o t s u rp ris e d s h e k no w s, o nly th at it to ok th is lo ng fo r a nyo ne to fin d o ut. I h aven't to ld a nyo ne, b ut I g uess S tu art h as. J u st th is m orn in g, I h ad to lie to M oth er a nd te ll h er th e Whit w orth s w ould b e o ut o f to w n o n th e tw enty -fif th , M oth er's s o -c alle d d ate to h ave th em o ver.
"I'm s o rry I d id n't te ll y o u," I s a y. " I d on't lik e ta lk in g a b out it ." "I u nd ers ta nd . O h s h o ot, I b ette r g o o n, R ale ig h's p ro bab ly h avin g a fit b y h im se lf w it h h er." S he giv es a la st lo ok a t H illy . H illy s m ile s a nd n o ds h er e xcusa l.
I g ath er m y n o te s q uic k ly , h ead fo r th e d oor. B efo re I m ak e it o ut, I h ear h er.
"W ait a s e c, w ould y o u, S keete r? " I s ig h, tu rn a ro und a nd fa ce H illy . S he's w earin g th e n avy b lu e s a ilo r n um ber, s o m eth in g y o u'd d re ss a fiv e-y ear- o ld in . T he p le ats a ro und h er h ip s a re s tr e tc hed o pen lik e a cco rd io n b ello w s. T he r o om is e m pty e xcep t fo r u s n o w .
"C an w e d is c uss th is , p le ase , m a'a m ?" S he h o ld s u p th e m ost r e cent n ew sle tte r a nd I k no w w hat's co m in g.
"I c an't s ta y. M oth er's s ic k --" "I to ld y o u fiv e m onth s a go to p rin t m y in it ia tiv e a nd n o w a no th er w eek h as p asse d a nd y o u s till haven't fo llo w ed m y in str u ctio ns." I s ta re a t h er a nd m y a nger is s u d den, fe ro cio us. E very th in g I 'v e k ep t d ow n fo r m onth s r is e s a nd eru p ts in m y th ro at.
"I w ill not p rin t th at in it ia tiv e." She lo oks a t m e, h o ld in g v ery s till. " I w ant th at in it ia tiv e in th e n ew sle tte r b efo re e le ctio n tim e," s h e sa ys a nd p oin ts to th e c eilin g, " o r I 'm c allin g u p sta ir s , m is sy." "If y o u tr y to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague, I w ill d ia l u p G enevie ve v o n H ap sb urg in N ew Y ork C it y myse lf ," I h is s, b ecause I h ap pen to k no w G enevie ve's H illy 's h ero . S he's th e y o ungest n atio nal League p re sid ent in h is to ry , p erh ap s th e o nly p ers o n in th is w orld H illy 's a fr a id o f. B ut H illy d oesn 't even flin ch.
"A nd te ll h er w hat, S keete r? T ell h er y o u'r e n o t d oin g y o ur jo b? T ell h er y o u'r e c arry in g a ro und Negro a ctiv is t m ate ria ls ? " I'm to o a ngry to le t th is u nnerv e m e. " I w ant th em back , H illy . Y ou to ok th em a nd th ey d on't b elo ng to y o u." "O f c o urs e I to ok th em . Y ou h ave n o b usin ess c arry in g a ro und s o m eth in g lik e th at. W hat if so m eb ody s a w th o se th in gs? " "W ho a re y o u to s a y w hat I c an a nd c anno t c arry a r- -" "It is m y jo b, S keete r! Y ou k no w w ell a s I d o, p eo ple w on't b uy s o m uch a s a s lic e o f p ound c ak e fr o m a n o rg aniz a tio n th at h arb ors r a cia l in te gra tio nis ts !" "H illy ." I ju st n eed to h ear h er s a y it . " J u st who is a ll th at p ound c ak e m oney b ein g r a is e d fo r, anyw ay?" She r o lls h er e yes. " T he P oor S ta rv in g C hild re n o f A fr ic a?" I w ait fo r h er to c atc h th e ir o ny o f th is , th at s h e'll s e nd m oney to c o lo re d p eo ple o vers e as, b ut n o t acro ss to w n. B ut I g et a b ette r id ea. " I'm g o in g to c all u p G enevie ve r ig ht n o w . I 'm g o in g to te ll h er what a h yp ocrit e y o u a re ." Hilly s tr a ig hte ns. I th in k fo r a s e co nd I 'v e ta p ped a c ra ck in h er s h ell w it h th o se w ord s. B ut th en s h e lic k s h er lip s, ta k es a d eep , n o is y s n if f.
"Y ou k no w , it 's n o w ond er S tu art W hit w orth d ro pped y o u." I k eep m y ja w c le nched s o th at s h e c anno t s e e th e e ffe ct th ese w ord s h ave o n m e. B ut in sid e, I a m a slo w , s lid in g s c ale . I fe el e very th in g in sid e o f m e s lip pin g d ow n in to th e flo or. " I w ant th o se la w s back ," I s a y, m y v o ic e s h ak in g.
"T hen p rin t th e in it ia tiv e." I tu rn a nd w alk o ut th e d oor. I h eave m y s a tc hel in to th e C ad illa c a nd lig ht a c ig are tte .
MOTH ER 'S L IG HT is O ff w hen I g et h o m e a nd I 'm g ra te fu l. I tip to e d ow n th e h all, o nto th e b ack porc h, e asin g th e s q ueak y s c re en d oor c lo se d . I s it d ow n a t m y ty p ew rit e r.
But I c anno t ty p e. I s ta re a t th e tin y g ra y s q uare s o f th e b ack p orc h s c re en. I s ta re s o h ard , I s lip th ro ugh th em . I fe el s o m eth in g in sid e m e c ra ck o pen th en. I a m v ap oro us. I a m c ra zy. I a m d eaf to th at s tu p id , s ile nt p ho ne. D eaf to M oth er's r e tc hin g in th e h o use . H er v o ic e th ro ugh th e w in d ow , " I'm fin e, C arlt o n, it 's p asse d ." I h ear it a ll a nd y et, I h ear n o th in g. J u st a h ig h b uzzin g in m y e ars .
I r e ach in m y s a tc hel a nd p ull o ut th e p age o f H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e. T he p ap er is lim p, a lr e ad y dam p w it h h um id it y . A m oth la nd s in th e c o rn er th en flu tte rs a w ay, le avin g a b ro w n s m ud ge o f w in g chalk .
Wit h s lo w , d elib era te s tr o kes, I s ta rt ty p in g th e n ew sle tte r: S ara h S helb y to m arry R obert P ry o r; ple ase a tte nd a b ab y-c lo th es s h o w in g b y M ary K ath erin e S im pso n; a te a in h o no r o f o ur lo yal su sta in ers . T hen I ty p e H illy 's in it ia tiv e. I p la ce it o n th e s e co nd p age, o pposit e th e p ho to o ps. T his is where e very o ne w ill b e s u re to s e e it , a fte r th ey lo ok a t th em se lv es a t th e S um mer F un J a m bore e.
All I c an th in k w hile I 'm ty p in g is , What w ould C onsta ntin e t h in k o f m e?
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 2 2 H OW O LD A Y O U T O DAY, b ig g ir l? " M ae M oble y s till in b ed . S he h o ld o ut tw o s le ep y fin gers a nd s a y, " M ae M o T w o." " N uh-u h, w e th re e to day!" I m ove u p o ne a h er fin gers , c hant w hat m y d ad dy u se d to s a y to m e o n m y b ir th d ays, " T hre e lit tle s o ld ie rs , c o m e o ut th e d oe, tw o s a y s to p, o ne s a y g o ." S he in a b ig -g ir l b ed n o w s in ce th e n urs e ry g ettin g fix ed u p fo r th e n ew b ab y. " N ext y ear, w e d o fo ur l it tle s o ld ie rs , th ey lo okin g fo r s o m eth in g to e at." H er n o se w rin k le u p c ause n o w s h e g o t to r e m em ber to s a y s h e M ae M oble y T hre e, w hen h er w ho le lif e s h e c an r e m em ber, s h e b een te llin g p eo ple s h e M ae M oble y Tw o.
W hen y o u lit tle , y o u o nly g et a sk ed tw o q uestio ns, w hat's y o ur n am e a nd h o w o ld y o u is , s o y o u b ette r g et e m r ig ht.
" I a m M ae M oble y T hre e," s h e s a y. S he s c ra m ble o ut a b ed , h er h air in a r a t's n est. T hat b ald s p ot s h e h ad a s a b ab y, it 's c o m in g b ack . U su ally I c an b ru sh o ver it a nd h id e it fo r a fe w m in ute s, b ut n o t f o r lo ng. I t's th in a nd s h e's lo sin g th em c urls . I t g ets r e al s tr in gy b y th e e nd a th e d ay. I t d on't tr o ub le m e th at s h e a in 't c ute , b ut I tr y to fix h er u p n ic e a s I c an fo r h er m am a.
" C om e o n to th e k it c hen," I s a y. " W e g o ne m ak e y o u a b ir th d ay b re ak fa st." M is s L eefo lt o ff g ettin g h er h air d one. S he d on't c are b out b ein g th ere o n th e m orn in g h er o nly c hild w ak es u p o n th e fir s t b ir th d ay s h e r e m em ber. B ut le ast M is s L eefo lt g o t h er w hat s h e w ant. B ru ng m e b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd p oin t to a b ig b ox o n th e flo or.
" W on't s h e b e h ap py?" M is s L eefo lt s a y. " It w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd e ven c rie s." S ho n uff th ey's a b ig p in k p olk y-d ot b ox. G ot c ello phane a cro ss th e fr o nt, a nd in sid e th ey's th e d oll b ab y ta ll a s M ae M oble y. N am e A llis o n. S he g o t b lo nd c urly h air a nd b lu e e yes. F rilly p in k d re ss o n. E vertim e th e c o m merc ia l c o m e o n th e te e-v ee M ae M oble y r u n o ver to th e s e t a nd g ra b th e b ox o n b oth s id es, p ut h er fa ce u p to th e s c re en a nd s ta re s o s e rio us. M is s L eefo lt lo ok lik e s h e g o ne c ry h ers e lf , lo okin g d ow n a t th at to y. I r e ck on h er m ean o ld m am a n ever g o t h er w hat s h e w ante d w hen s h e lit tle .
I n th e k it c hen, I fix s o m e g rit s w it h o ut n o s e aso nin g, a nd p ut th em b ab y m ars h m allo w s o n to p. I t o ast th e w ho le th in g to m ak e it a lit tle c ru nchy. T hen I g arn is h it w it h a c ut- u p s tr a w berry . T hat's a ll a g rit is , a v ehic le . F or w hate ver it is y o u r a th er b e e atin g.
T he th re e lit tle p in k c and le s I d one b ro ught fr o m h o m e is in m y p ock etb ook. I b rin g e m o ut, u nd o t h e w ax p ap er I g o t e m in s o th ey d on't tu rn o ut b ent. A fte r I lig ht e m , I b rin g th em g rit s o ver to h er b ooste r c hair , a t th e w hit e lin o le um ta b le in th e m id dle a th e r o om .
I s a y, " H ap py b ir th d ay, M ae M oble y T w o!" S he la ugh a nd s a y, " I a m M ae M oble y T hre e!" " Y ou s u re is ! N ow b lo w o ut th em c and le s, B ab y G ir l. F ore th ey r u n u p in y o u g rit s ." She s ta re a t th e lit tle fla m es, s m ilin g.
"B lo w it , b ig g ir l. " She b lo w e m c le an o ver. S he s u ck th e g rit s o ff th e c and le s a nd s ta rt e atin g. A fte r w hile , s h e s m ile u p at m e, s a y, " H ow o ld a re y o u?" "A ib ile en's fif ty -th re e." Her e yes g et r e al w id e. I m ig ht a s w ell b e a th o usa nd .
"D o y o u . . . g et b ir th d ays? " "Y eah." I la ugh. " It's a p it y , b ut I d o. M y b ir th d ay b e n ext w eek ." I c an't b elie ve I 'm o n b e fif ty -fo ur years o ld . W here d o it g o ?
"D o y o u h ave s o m e b ab ie s? " s h e a sk .
I la ugh. " I g o t s e vente en o f e m ." She a in 't q uit e g o t u p to s e vente en in h er n um bers y et, b ut s h e k no w th is b e a b ig o ne.
"T hat's e no ugh to fill u p th is w ho le k it c hen," I s a y.
Her b ro w n e yes is s o b ig a nd r o und . " W here a re th e b ab ie s? " "T hey a ll o ver to w n. A ll th e b ab ie s I d one lo oked a fte r." "W hy d on't th ey c o m e p la y w it h m e?" "C ause m ost o f e m g ro w n. L ot o f e m a lr e ad y h avin g b ab ie s a th ey o w n." Lord y, s h e lo ok c o nfu se . S he d oin g h er fig urin g, lik e s h e b e tr y in g to c o unt it a ll u p . F in ally I s a y, "Y ou o ne o f e m , to o. A ll th e b ab ie s I te nd to , I c o unt a s m y o w n." She n o d, c ro ss u p h er a rm s.
I s ta rt w ash in g th e d is h es. T he b ir th d ay p arty to nig ht ju st g o ne b e th e fa m ily a nd I g o t to g et th e cak es m ad e. F ir s t, I 'm o n d o th e s tr a w berry o ne w it h th e s tr a w berry ic in g. E very m eal b e str a w berry , if it w as u p to M ae M oble y. T hen I d o th e o th er o ne.
"L et's d o a c ho co la te c ak e," s a y M is s L eefo lt y este rd ay. S he s e ven m onth s p re gnant a nd lo ve e atin g cho co la te .
Now I d one p la nned th is la st w eek . I g o t e very th in g r e ad y. T his to o im porta nt to b e o ccurrin g to m e th e d ay b efo re . " M m-h m m. W hat a b out s tr a w berry ? T hat b e M ae M oble y's fa vo rit e , y o u k no w ." "O h n o , s h e w ants c ho co la te . I 'm g o in g to th e s to re to day a nd g et e very th in g y o u n eed ." Cho co la te m y fo ot. S o I fig ure d I 'd ju st g o o n a nd m ak e b oth . A t le ast th en s h e g et to b lo w o ut tw o se ts a c and le s.
I c le an u p th e g rit s p la te . G iv e h er s o m e g ra p e ju ic e to d rin k . S he g o t h er o ld b ab y d oll in th e kit c hen, th e o ne s h e c all C la ud ia , w it h th e p ain te d -o n h air a nd th e e yes th at c lo se . M ak e a p it if u l whin in g s o und w hen y o u d ro p it o n th e flo or.
"T here 's y o ur b ab y," I s a y a nd s h e p ats it s b ack lik e s h e b urp in g it , n o ds.
Then s h e s a y, " A ib ee, y o u'r e m y r e al m am a." S he d on't e ven lo ok a t m e, ju st s a y it lik e s h e ta lk in g ab out th e w eath er.
I k neel d ow n o n th e flo or w here s h e p la yin g. " Y our m am a's o ff g ettin g h er h air fix ed . B ab y G ir l, y o u kno w w ho y o ur m am a is ." But s h e s h ak e h er h ead , c ud dlin g th at d oll to h er. " I'm yo ur b ab y," s h e s a y.
"M ae M oble y, y o u k no w I 's ju st te asin g y o u, a b out a ll th em s e vente en k id s b ein g m in e? T hey a in 't re ally . I o nly h ad m e o ne c hild ." "I k no w ," s h e s a y. " I'm y o ur r e al b ab y. T ho se o th er o nes y o u s a id a re p re te nd ." Now I h ad b ab ie s b e c o nfu se b efo re . J o hn G re en D ud le y, fir s t w ord o ut a th at b oy's m outh w as Mam a a nd h e w as lo okin g s tr a ig ht a t m e. B ut th en p re tty s o on h e c allin g e very b ody in clu d in g h is se lf Mam a, a nd c allin g h is d ad dy M am a to o. D id th at fo r a lo ng tim e. N obody w orry b out it . C ours e when h e s ta rt p la yin g d re ss-u p in h is s is te r's J e w el T aylo r tw ir l s k ir ts a nd w earin g C hanel N um ber 5 , we a ll g et a lit tle c o ncern .
I lo oked a fte r th e D ud le y fa m ily fo r to o lo ng, o ver s ix y ears . H is d ad dy w ould ta k e h im to th e gara ge a nd w hip h im w it h a r u b ber h o se -p ip e tr y in g to b eat th e g ir l o ut a th at b oy u ntil I c o uld n't sta nd it n o m ore . T re elo re n ear b out s u ffo cate d w hen I 'd c o m e h o m e I 'd h ug h im s o h ard . W hen w e sta rte d w ork in g o n th e s to rie s, M is s S keete r a sk ed m e w hat's th e w ors t d ay I r e m em ber b ein g a maid . I to ld h er it w as a s tillb ir th b ab y. B ut it w asn 't . I t w as e very d ay fr o m 1 941 to 1 947 w ait in g b y th e s c re en d oor fo r th em b eatin gs to b e o ver. I w is h to G od I 'd to ld J o hn G re en D ud le y h e a in 't go in g to h ell. T hat h e a in 't n o s id esh o w fr e ak c ause h e lik e b oys. I w is h to G od I 'd fille d h is e ars w it h go od th in gs lik e I 'm tr y in g to d o M ae M oble y. I n ste ad , I ju st s a t in th e k it c hen, w ait in g to p ut th e sa lv e o n th em h o se -p ip e w elt s .
Ju st th en w e h ear M is s L eefo lt p ullin g in to th e c arp ort. I g et a lit tle n erv o us a w hat M is s L eefo lt g o ne do if s h e h ear th is M am a s tu ff. M ae M oble y n erv o us to o. H er h and s s ta rt fla p pin g lik e a c hic k en.
"S hhh! D on't te ll! " s h e s a y. " S he'll s p ank m e." So s h e a lr e ad y d one h ad th is ta lk w it h h er m am a. A nd M is s L eefo lt d id n't lik e it o ne b it .
When M is s L eefo lt c o m e in w it h h er n ew h air d o, M ae M oble y d on't e ven s a y h ello , s h e r u n b ack to her r o om . L ik e s h e s c are d h er m am a c an h ear w hat's g o in g o n in sid e h er h ead .
MAE M OBLEY 'S B IR TH DAY P A RTY G O ES fin e, le ast th at's w hat M is s L eefo lt te ll m e th e n ext day. F rid ay m orn in g, I c o m e in to s e e th re e-q uarte rs o f a c ho co la te c ak e s e ttin g o n th e c o unte r. Str a w berry a ll g o ne. T hat a fte rn o on, M is s S keete r c o m e b y to g iv e M is s L eefo lt s o m e p ap ers . S oon as M is s L eefo lt w ad dle o ff to th e b ath ro om , M is s S keete r s lip in th e k it c hen.
"W e o n fo r to nig ht? " I a sk .
"W e'r e o n. I 'll b e th ere ." M is s S keete r d on't s m ile m uch s in ce M is te r S tu art a nd h er a in 't s te ad y n o more . I h eard M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt ta lk in g a b out it p le nty .
Mis s S keete r g et h ers e lf a C o-C ola fr o m th e ic eb ox, s p eak in a lo w v o ic e. " T onig ht w e'll fin is h Win nie 's in te rv ie w a nd th is w eek end I 'll s ta rt s o rtin g it a ll o ut. B ut th en I c an't m eet a gain u ntil n ext Thurs d ay. I p ro m is e d M am a I 'd d riv e h er to N atc hez M ond ay fo r a D AR th in g." M is s S keete r k in d a n arro w h er e yes u p , s o m eth in g s h e d o w hen s h e th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g im porta nt. " I'll b e g o ne fo r th re e d ays, o kay?" "G ood," I s a y. " Y ou n eed y o u a b re ak ." She h ead to w ard th e d in in g r o om , b ut s h e lo ok b ack , s a y, " R em em ber. I le ave M ond ay m orn in g a nd I'll b e g o ne fo r th re e d ays, o kay?" "Y es m a'a m ," I s a y, w ond erin g w hy s h e th in k s h e g o t to s a y th is tw ic e.
IT a in 'T B U T E IG HT T H IR TY o n M ond ay m orn in g b ut M is s L eefo lt 's p ho ne a lr e ad y r in gin g it s head o ff.
"M is s L eefo lt r e s--" "P ut E liz a beth o n t h e p hone! " I g o te ll M is s L eefo lt . S he g et o ut a b ed , s h uffle in th e k it c hen in h er r o lle rs a nd n ig htg o w n, p ic k u p th e r e ceiv er. M is s H illy s o und lik e s h e u sin g a m egap ho ne n o t a te le p ho ne. I c an h ear e very w ord .
"H ave y o u b een b y m y h ouse ? " "W hat? W hat a re y o u ta lk --? " "She p ut it in t h e n ew sle tte r a bout t h e t o ile ts . I s p ecif ic a lly s a id o ld c o ats a re t o b e d ro pped off a t m y h ouse n ot--" "L et m e g et m y . . . m ail, I d on't k no w w hat y o u'r e --" "W hen I f in d h er I w ill k ill h er m yse lf ." The lin e c ra sh d ow n in M is s L eefo lt 's e ar. S he s ta nd th ere a s e co nd s ta rin g a t it , th en th ro w a ho use co at o ver h er n ig htg o w n. " I'v e g o t to go ," s h e s a ys, s c ra m blin g r o und fo r h er k eys. " I'll b e back ." She r u n a ll p re gnant o ut th e d oor a nd tu m ble in h er c ar a nd s p eed o ff. I lo ok d ow n a t M ae M oble y and s h e lo ok u p a t m e.
"D on't a sk m e, B ab y G ir l. I d on't k no w e it h er." What I d o k no w is , H illy a nd h er fa m ily d ro ve in th is m orn in g fr o m a w eek end in M em phis .
Whenever M is s H illy g o ne, th at's a ll M is s L eefo lt ta lk a b out is w here s h e is a nd w hen s h e c o m in g back .
"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y a fte r w hile . " L et's ta k e a w alk , fin d o ut w hat's g o in g o n." We w alk u p D evin e, tu rn le ft, th en le ft a gain , a nd u p M is s H illy 's s tr e et, w hic h is M yrtle . E ven th o ugh it 's A ugust, it 's a n ic e w alk , a in 't to o h o t y et. B ir d s is z ip pin g a ro und , s in gin g. M ae M oble y h o ld in g my h and a nd w e s w in gin g o ur a rm s h avin g a g o od o le tim e. L ots a c ars p assin g u s to day, w hic h is str a nge, c ause M yrtle a d ead e nd .
We tu rn th e b end to M is s H illy 's g re at b ig w hit e h o use . A nd th ere th ey is .
Mae M oble y p oin t a nd la ugh. " L ook. L ook, A ib ee!" I h ave n ever in m y lif e s e en a th in g lik e th is . T hre e d oze n o f e m . P ots . R ig ht s m ack o n M is s H illy 's la w n. A ll d if fe re nt c o lo rs a nd s h ap es a nd s iz e s. S om e is b lu e, s o m e is p in k , s o m e is w hit e . S om e ain 't g o t n o r in g, s o m e a in 't g o t n o ta nk . T hey's o ld o nes, y o ung o nes, c hain o n to p, a nd flu sh w it h th e h and le . A lm ost lo ok lik e a c ro w d a p eo ple th e w ay s o m e g o t th ey lid s o pen ta lk in g, s o m e w it h th ey lid s c lo se d lis te nin g.
We m ove o ver in to th e d ra in d it c h, c ause th e tr a ffic o n th is lit tle s tr e et's s ta rtin g to b uild u p . P eo ple is driv in g d ow n, c ir c lin g r o und th e lit tle is la nd a g ra ss a t th e e nd w it h th ey w in d ow s d ow n. L aughin g out lo ud s a yin g, " L ook a t H illy 's h o use ," " L ook a t th o se th in gs." S ta rin g a t th em to ile ts lik e th ey never s e en o ne b efo re .
"O ne, tw o, th re e," M ae M oble y s ta rt c o untin g e m . S he g et to tw elv e a nd I g o t to ta k e o ver.
"T w enty -n in e, th ir ty , th ir ty -o ne. T hir ty -tw o c o m modes, B ab y G ir l. " We g et a lit tle c lo se r a nd n o w I s e e th ey a in 't ju st a ll o ver th e y ard . T hey's tw o in th e d riv ew ay s id e- by-sid e, lik e th ey a c o up le . T hey's o ne u p o n th e fr o nt s te p , lik e it 's w ait in g fo r M is s H illy to a nsw er th e d oor.
"A in 't th at o ne fu nny w it h th e--" But B ab y G ir l d one b ro ke o ff fr o m m y h and . S he r u nnin g in th e y ard a nd g et to th e p in k p ot in th e mid dle a nd p ull u p th e lid . B efo re I k no w it , s h e d one p ulle d d ow n h er p antie s a nd tin k le d in it a nd I'm c hasin g a fte r h er w it h h alf a d oze n h o rn s h o nk in g a nd a m an in a h at ta k in g p ic tu re s.
Mis s L eefo lt 's c ar's in th e d riv e b ehin d M is s H illy 's , b ut th ey a in 't in s ig ht. T hey m ust b e in sid e y ellin g ab out w hat th ey g o ne d o w it h th is m ess. C urta in s is d ra w n a nd I d on't s e e n o s tir rin g. I c ro ss m y fin gers , h o pe th ey d id n't c atc h B ab y G ir l m ak in g p otty fo r h alf a J a ck so n to s e e. I t's tim e to g o o n back .
The w ho le w ay h o m e, B ab y G ir l is a sk in g q uestio ns b out th em p ots . W hy th ey th ere ? W here th ey co m e fr o m ? C an s h e g o s e e H eath er a nd p la y w it h th em to ile ts s o m e m ore ?
When I g et b ack to M is s L eefo lt 's , th e p ho ne r in gs o ff th e h o ok th e r e st a th e m orn in g. I d on't answ er it . I 'm w ait in g fo r it to s to p lo ng e no ugh s o I c an c all M in ny. B ut w hen M is s L eefo lt s la m in to th e k it c hen, s h e g et to y ap pin g o n th e p ho ne a m illio n m ile s a h o ur. D on't ta k e m e lo ng to g et th e sto ry p ie ced to geth er lis te nin g to h er.
Mis s S keete r d one p rin te d H illy 's to ile t a nno uncem ent in th e n ew sle tte r a lr ig ht. T he lis t a th em re aso ns w hy w hit e fo lk a nd c o lo re d fo lk c an't b e s h arin g a s e at. A nd th en, b elo w th at, s h e fo llo w wit h th e a le rt a b out th e c o at d riv e to o, o r a t le ast th at's w hat s h e w as s u p pose d to d o. S te ad a c o ats th o ugh, it s a y s o m eth in g lik e " D ro p o ff y o ur o ld to ile ts a t 2 28 M yrtle S tr e et. W e'll b e o ut o f to w n, but le ave th em in fr o nt b y th e d oor." S he ju st g et o ne w ord m ix ed u p , th at's a ll. I s p ec th at's w hat sh e g o ne s a y, a nyw ay.
TO O b ad F O R M is s H IL LY th ere w asn 't n o o th er n ew s g o in g o n. N oth in g o n V ie tn am o r th e d ra ft.
They a lr e ad y s a y a ll th ey c an a b out th e c hurc h b lo w n u p in A la b am a, k illin g th o se p oor c o lo re d g ir ls .
Next d ay, M is s H illy 's h o use w it h a ll th em p ots m ak es th e fr o nt p age a th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.
I g o t to s a y, it is a fu nny-lo okin g s ig ht. I ju st w is h it w as in c o lo r s o y o u c o uld c o m pare a ll th em s h ad es a pin k a nd b lu e a nd w hit e . D ese gre gatio n o f th e to ile t b ow ls is w hat th ey s h o uld a c all it .
The h ead lin e s a y, C O M E O n B Y, H AV E a S EAT! T hey a in 't n o a rtic le to g o w it h it . J u st th e p ic tu re and a lit tle c ap tio n s a yin g, " T he h o m e o f H illy a nd W illia m H olb ro ok, o f J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, w as a sig ht to s e e th is m orn in g." And I d on't m ean n o th in g g o in g o n ju st in J a ck so n, I m ean n o th in g in th e e ntir e U nit e d S ta te s. L ottie Fre em an, w ho w ork a t th e g o vern o r's m ansio n w here th ey g et a ll th e b ig p ap ers , to ld m e s h e s a w it in th e L iv in g s e ctio n a The N ew Y o rk T im es.
A nd in e very o ne o f e m it r e ad , " H om e o f H illy a nd Willia m H olb ro ok, J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " AT M is s L EEFO LT 'S , th ey's lo ts a e xtr a ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne th at w eek , lo t a h ead -n o ddin g lik e Mis s L eefo lt g ettin g a e arfu l fr o m M is s H illy . P art a m e w ant a la ugh a b out th em p ots , o th er p art want a c ry . I t w as a a w fu l b ig r is k fo r M is s S keete r to ta k e, tu rn in g M is s H illy a gain st h er. S he co m in g h o m e to nig ht fr o m N atc hez, a nd I h o pe s h e c all. I r e ck on n o w I k no w w hy s h e w ent.
On T hurs d ay m orn in g, I s till a in 't h eard fr o m M is s S keete r. I s e t u p m y ir o nin g in th e liv in g r o om . Mis s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e w it h M is s H illy a nd th ey s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . I a in 't s e en M is s H illy over h ere s in ce b efo re th e p ots . I r e ck on s h e a in 't le avin g th e h o use s o m uch. I tu rn th e te e-v ee s e t dow n lo w , k eep m y e ar tu rn ed u p .
"H ere it is . H ere 's w hat I to ld y o u a b out." M is s H illy g o t a lit tle b ookle t o pened u p . S he r u nnin g h er fin ger a lo ng th e lin es. M is s L eefo lt s h ak in g h er h ead .
"Y ou k no w w hat th is m eans, d on't y o u? S he w ants to c hange th ese la w s. W hy e ls e w ould s h e b e carry in g th em a ro und ?" "I c an't b elie ve th is ," s a y M is s L eefo lt .
"I c an't p ro ve s h e p ut th o se p ots in m y y ard . B ut th is "- -sh e h o ld s u p th e b ook a nd ta p s it - -"th is is so lid p ro of s h e's u p to s o m eth in g. A nd I in te nd to te ll S tu art W hit w orth , to o." "B ut th ey'r e n o t s te ad y a nym ore ." "W ell, h e s till n eed s to k no w . I n c ase h e h as a ny in clin atio n o f p atc hin g th in gs u p w it h h er. F or th e sa k e o f S enato r W hit w orth 's c are er." "B ut m ayb e it r e ally w as a m is ta k e, th e n ew sle tte r. M ayb e s h e--" "E liz a b eth ." H illy c ro ss h er a rm s u p . " I'm n o t ta lk in g a b out p ots . I a m ta lk in g a b out th e la w s o f th is gre at s ta te . N ow , I w ant y o u to a sk y o urs e lf , d o y o u w ant M ae M oble y s it tin g n ext to a c o lo re d b oy in E nglis h c la ss? " M is s H illy g la nce b ack a t m e d oin g m y ir o nin g. S he lo w er h er v o ic e b ut M is s H illy never k new h o w to w his p er g o od. " D o y o u w ant N ig ra p eo ple liv in g r ig ht h ere in th is n eig hb orh o od?
Touchin g y o ur b otto m w hen y o u p ass o n th e s tr e et? " I lo ok u p a nd s e e it 's s ta rtin g to s in k in o n M is s L eefo lt . S he s tr a ig hte n u p a ll p rim a nd p ro per.
"W illia m h ad a fit w hen h e s a w w hat s h e d id to o ur h o use a nd I c an't s o il m y n am e h angin g a ro und her a nym ore , n o t w it h th e e le ctio n c o m in g u p . I 'v e a lr e ad y a sk ed J e anie C ald w ell to ta k e S keete r's pla ce in b rid ge c lu b ." "Y ou k ic k ed h er o ut o f b rid ge c lu b ?" "I s u re d id . A nd I th o ught a b out k ic k in g h er o ut o f th e L eague, to o." "C an y o u e ven d o th at? " "O f c o urs e I c an. B ut I 'v e d ecid ed I w ant h er to s it in th at r o om a nd s e e w hat a fo ol s h e's m ad e o f hers e lf ." M is s H illy n o ds. " S he n eed s to le arn th at s h e c an't c arry o n th is w ay. I m ean, a ro und u s it 's one th in g, b ut a ro und s o m e o th er p eo ple , s h e's g o in g to g et in b ig tr o ub le ." "It's tr u e. T here a re s o m e r a cis ts in th is to w n," M is s L eefo lt s a y.
Mis s H illy n o d h er h ead , " O h, th ey'r e o ut th ere ." Afte r w hile , th ey g et u p a nd d riv e o ff to geth er. I a m g la d I d on't h ave to s e e th ey fa ces fo r a w hile . AT N OONTIM E, M is te r L eefo lt c o m e h o m e fo r lu nch, w hic h is r a re . H e s e t d ow n a t th e lit tle bre ak fa st ta b le . " A ib ile en, m ak e m e u p s o m e lu nch, w ould y o u p le ase ." H e lif t th e n ew sp ap er, p op th e s p in e to g et it s tr a ig ht. " I'll h ave s o m e r o ast b eef." "Y essir ." I s e t d ow n a p la cem at a nd a n ap kin a nd s o m e s ilv erw are fo r h im . H e ta ll a nd r e al th in .
Won't b e to o lo ng fo re h e a ll b ald . G ot a b la ck r in g r o und h is h ead a nd n o th in g o n to p.
"Y ou s ta yin g o n to h elp E liz a b eth w it h th e n ew b ab y?" h e a sk s, r e ad in g h is p ap er. G enera lly , h e d on't ever p ay m e n o m in d .
"Y essir ." I s a y.
"B ecause I h ear y o u lik e to m ove a ro und a lo t." "Y essir ," I s a y. I t's tr u e. M ost m aid s s ta y w it h th e s a m e fa m ily a ll th ey liv es, b ut n o t m e. I g o t m y o w n re aso ns fo r m ovin g o n w hen th ey a b out e ig ht, n in e y ears o ld . T ook m e a fe w jo bs to le arn th at. " I work b est w it h th e b ab ie s." "S o y o u d on't r e ally c o nsid er y o urs e lf a m aid . Y ou'r e m ore o f a n urs e -ty p e fo r th e c hild re n." H e p uts his p ap er d ow n, lo oks a t m e. " Y ou'r e a s p ecia lis t, lik e m e." I d on't s a y n o th in g, ju st n o d a lit tle .
"S ee, I o nly d o ta xes fo r b usin esse s, n o t e very in d iv id ual th at's filin g a ta x r e tu rn ." I'm g ettin g n erv o us. T his th e m ost h e e ver ta lk to m e a nd I b een h ere th re e y ears .
"M ust b e h ard fin d in g a n ew jo b e very tim e th e k id s g et o ld e no ugh fo r s c ho ol. " "S om eth in g a lw ays c o m e a lo ng." He d on't s a y n o th in g to th at, s o I g o h ead a nd g et th e r o ast o ut.
"G ot to k eep u p g o od r e fe re nces, m ovin g a ro und to d if fe re nt c lie nte le lik e y o u d o." "Y essir ." "I h ear y o u k no w S keete r P hela n. O ld fr ie nd o f E liz a b eth 's ." I k eep m y h ead d ow n. R eal s lo w , I g et to s lic in g, s lic in g, s lic in g th e m eat o ff th at lo in . M y h eart's pum pin g tr ip le s p eed n o w .
"S he a sk m e fo r c le anin g tip s s o m etim es. F or th e a rtic le ." "T hat r ig ht? " M is te r L eefo lt s a y.
"Y essir . S he ju st a sk m e fo r tip s." "I d on't w ant y o u ta lk in g to th at w om an a nym ore , n o t fo r c le anin g tip s, n o t to s a y h ello , y o u h ear? " "Y essir ." "I h ear a b out y o u tw o ta lk in g a nd y o u'll b e in a h eap o f tr o ub le . Y ou u nd ers ta nd ?" "Y essir ," I w his p er, w ond erin g w hat th is m an k no w .
Mis te r L eefo lt p ic k u p h is n ew sp ap er a gain . " I'll h ave th at m eat in a s a nd w ic h. P ut a lit tle mayo nnais e o n it . A nd n o t to o to aste d , I d on't w ant it d ry n o w ." TH AT N IG HT, m e a nd M in ny's s e ttin g a t m y k it c hen ta b le . M y h and s s ta rte d s h ak in g th is a fte rn o on and a in 't q uit s in ce.
"T hat u gly w hit e fo ol, " M in ny s a y.
"I ju st w is h I k new w hat h e th in k in g." They's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor a nd M in ny a nd m e b oth lo ok a t e ach o th er. O nly o ne p ers o n kno ck o n m y d oor lik e th at, e verb ody e ls e ju st c o m e o n in . I o pen it a nd th ere M is s S keete r. " M in ny here ," I w his p er, c ause it 's a lw ays s a fe r to k no w w hen y o u g o ne w alk in a r o om w it h M in ny.
I'm g la d s h e h ere . I g o t s o m uch to te ll h er I d on't e ven k no w w here to s ta rt. B ut I 'm s u rp ris e d to se e M is s S keete r g o t s o m eth in g c lo se to a s m ile o n h er fa ce. I g uess s h e a in 't ta lk to M is s H illy y et.
"H ello , M in ny," s h e s a y w hen s h e s te p in sid e.
Min ny lo ok o ver a t th e w in d ow . " H ello , M is s S keete r." Fore I c an g et a w ord in , M is s S keete r s e t d ow n a nd s ta rt r ig ht in .
"I h ad s o m e id eas w hile I w as a w ay. A ib ile en, I th in k w e s h o uld le ad w it h y o ur c hap te r fir s t." S he pull s o m e p ap ers o ut a th at ta ck y r e d s a tc hel. " A nd th en L ouvenia 's w e'll s w it c h w it h F aye B elle 's sto ry , s in ce w e d on't w ant th re e d ra m atic s to rie s in a r o w . T he m id dle w e'll s o rt o ut la te r, b ut M in ny, I th in k y o ur s e ctio n s h o uld d efin it e ly c o m e la st." "M is s S keete r . . . I g o t s o m e th in gs to te ll y o u," I s a y.
Min ny a nd m e lo ok a t e ach o th er. " I'm o n g o ," M in ny s a y, fr o w nin g lik e h er c hair g o tte n to o h ard to sit in . S he h ead fo r th e d oor, b ut o n h er w ay o ut, s h e g iv e M is s S keete r a to uch o n th e s h o uld er, r e al quic k , k eep h er e yes s tr a ig ht lik e s h e a in 't d one it . T hen s h e g o ne. "Y ou b een o ut a to w n a w hile , M is s S keete r." I r u b th e b ack a m y n eck .
Then I te ll h er th at M is s H illy p ulle d th at b ookle t o ut a nd s h o w ed it to M is s L eefo lt . A nd L aw kno w s w ho e ls e s h e p assin g it a ro und to w n to n o w .
Mis s S keete r n o d, s a y, " I c an h and le H illy . T his d oesn 't im plic ate y o u, o r th e o th er m aid s, o r th e book a t a ll. " And th en I te ll h er w hat M is te r L eefo lt s a y, h o w h e r e al c le ar th at I a in 't to ta lk to h er n o m ore a b out th e c le anin g a rtic le . I d on't w ant a te ll h er th ese th in gs, b ut s h e g o ne h ear e m a nd I w ant h er to h ear em fr o m m e fir s t.
She lis te n c are fu l, a sk a fe w q uestio ns. W hen I 'm d one, s h e s a y, " H e's fu ll o f h o t a ir , R ale ig h. I 'll have to b e e xtr a c are fu l, th o ugh, w hen I g o o ver to E liz a b eth 's . I w on't c o m e in th e k it c hen anym ore ," a nd I c an te ll, th is a in 't r e ally h it tin g h er, w hat's h ap penin g. T he tr o ub le s h e in w it h h er fr ie nd s. H ow s c are d w e n eed to b e. I te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a y a b out le ttin g h er s u ffe r th ro ugh th e League. I te ll h er s h e b een k ic k ed o ut a b rid ge c lu b . I te ll h er th at M is s H illy g o ne te ll M is te r S tu art all a b out it , ju st in c ase h e g et a ny " in clin atio n" to m end th in gs w it h h er.
Skeete r lo ok a w ay fr o m m e, tr y to s m ile . " I d on't c are a b out a ny o f th at o le s tu ff, a nyw ay." S he k in d a la ugh a nd it h urts m y h eart. C ause e verb ody c are . B la ck , w hit e , d eep d ow n w e a ll d o.
"I ju st . . . I r a th er y o u h ear it fr o m m e th an in to w n," I s a y. " S o y o u k no w w hat's c o m in g. S o y o u can b e r e al c are fu l. " She b it e h er lip , n o d. " T hank y o u, A ib ile en." ch ap te r 2 3 T H E S U M MER r o lls b ehin d u s lik e a h o t ta r s p re ad er. E ver c o lo re d p ers o n in J a ck so n g ets in fr o nt a w hate ver te e-v ee s e t th ey c an fin d , w atc hes M artin L uth er K in g s ta nd in o ur n atio n's c ap it a l a nd t e ll u s h e's g o t a d re am . I 'm in th e c hurc h b ase m ent w atc hin g. O ur o w n R evere nd J o hnso n w ent u p t h ere to m arc h a nd I fin d m yse lf s c annin g th e c ro w d fo r h is fa ce. I c an't b elie ve s o m any p eo ple s is t h ere --tw o-h und re d -fif ty th ousa nd.
A nd th e r in ger is , s ix ty th o usa nd a th em is whit e .
" M is sis sip pi a nd th e w orld is tw o v ery d if fe re nt p la ces," th e D eaco n s a y a nd w e a ll n o d c ause a in 't it t h e tr u th .
W e g et th ro ugh A ugust a nd S ep te m ber a nd e ver tim e I s e e M is s S keete r, s h e lo ok th in ner, a lit tle m ore s k it tis h in th e e yes. S he tr y to s m ile lik e it a in 't th at h ard o n h er th at s h e a in 't g o t n o fr ie nd s le ft.
I n O cto ber, M is s H illy s e ts a t M is s L eefo lt 's d in in g r o om ta b le . M is s L eefo lt s o p re gnant s h e c an't b are ly fo cus h er e yes. M eanw hile , M is s H illy g o t a b ig fu r a ro und h er n eck e ven th o ugh it 's s ix ty d egre es o uts id e. S he s tic k h er p in k y o ut fr o m h er te a g la ss a nd s a y, " S keete r th o ught s h e w as s o c le ver, d um pin g a ll th o se to ile ts in m y fr o nt y ard . W ell, th ey'r e w ork in g o ut ju st fin e. W e'v e a lr e ad y i n sta lle d th re e o f th em in p eo ple 's g ara ges a nd s h ed s. E ven W illia m s a id it w as a b le ssin g in d is g uis e ." I a in 't g o ne te ll M is s S keete r th is . T hat s h e e nd ed u p s u p portin g th e c ause s h e fig htin g a gain st. B ut t h en I s e e it d on't m atte r c ause M is s H illy s a y, " I d ecid ed I 'd w rit e S keete r a th ank -y o u n o te la st n ig ht. T old h er h o w s h e's h elp ed m ove th e p ro je ct a lo ng fa ste r th an it e ver w ould 'v e g o ne." W IT H M is s L EEFO LT S O B U SY m ak in g c lo th es fo r th e n ew b ab y, M ae M oble y a nd m e s p end p re tty m uch e ver m in ute a th e d ay to geth er. S he g ettin g to o b ig fo r m e to c arry h er a ll th e tim e, o r m ayb e I 'm to o b ig . I tr y a nd g iv e h er a lo t a g o od s q ueeze s in ste ad .
" C om e te ll m e m y s e cre t s to ry ," s h e w his p er, s m ilin g s o b ig . S he a lw ays w ant h er s e cre t s to ry n o w , f ir s t th in g w hen I g et in . T he s e cre t s to rie s a re th e o nes I b e m ak in g u p .
B ut th en M is s L eefo lt c o m e in w it h h er p urs e o n h er a rm , r e ad y to le ave. " M ae M oble y, I 'm le avin g n o w . C om e g iv e M am a a b ig h ug." B ut M ae M oble y d on't m ove.
M is s L eefo lt , s h e g o t a h and o n h er h ip , w ait in g fo r h er s u gar. " G o o n, M ae M oble y," I w his p er. I n ud ge h er a nd s h e g o h ug h er m am a r e al h ard , k in d a d esp era te -lik e, b ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e a lr e ad y l o okin g in h er p urs e fo r h er k eys, k in d a w ig gle o ff. I t d on't s e em to b oth er M ae M oble y s o m uch, t h o ugh, lik e it u se d to , a nd th at's w hat I c an't h ard ly lo ok a t.
" C om e o n, A ib ee," M ae M oble y s a y to m e a fte r h er m am a g o ne. " T im e fo r m y s e cre t s to ry ." W e g o o n in h er r o om , w here w e lik e to s e t. I g et u p in th e b ig c hair a nd s h e g et u p o n m e a nd s m ile , bounce a lit tle . " T ell m e, te ll m e b out th e b ro w n w ra p pin g. A nd th e p re se nt." S he s o e xcit e d , s h e sq uir m in g. S he h as to ju m p o ff m y la p , s q uir m a lit tle to g et it o ut. T hen s h e c ra w l b ack u p .
That's h er fa vo rit e s to ry c ause w hen I te ll it , s h e g et tw o p re se nts . I ta k e th e b ro w n w ra p pin g fr o m my P ig gly W ig gly g ro cery b ag a nd w ra p u p a lit tle s o m eth in g, lik e p ie ce a c and y, in sid e. T hen I u se th e w hit e p ap er fr o m m y C ole 's D ru g S to re b ag a nd w ra p a no th er o ne ju st lik e it . S he ta k e it r e al se rio us, th e u nw ra p pin g, le ttin g m e te ll th e s to ry b out h o w it a in 't th e c o lo r a th e w ra p pin g th at c o unt, it 's w hat w e is in sid e.
"W e d oin g a d if fe re nt s to ry to day," I s a y, b ut fir s t I g o s till a nd lis te n, ju st to m ak e s u re M is s L eefo lt ain 't c o m in g b ack c ause s h e fo rg o t s o m eth in g. C oast is c le ar.
"T oday I 'm o n te ll y o u b out a m an fr o m o ute r s p ace." S he ju st lo ves h earin g a b out p eo ple s fr o m oute r s p ace. H er fa vo rit e s h o w o n th e te e-v ee is My F avorit e M artia n.
I p ull o ut m y a nte nnae h ats I s h ap ed la st n ig ht o ut a tin fo il, fa ste n e m o n o ur h ead s. O ne fo r h er a nd o ne fo r m e. W e lo ok lik e we a c o up le a c ra zy p eo ple in th em th in gs.
"O ne d ay, a w is e M artia n c o m e d ow n to E arth to te ach u s p eo ple a th in g o r tw o," I s a y.
"M artia n? H ow b ig ?" "O h, h e a b out s ix -tw o." "W hat's h is n am e?" "M artia n L uth er K in g." She ta k e a d eep b re ath a nd le an h er h ead d ow n o n m y s h o uld er. I fe el h er th re e-y ear- o ld h eart ra cin g a gain st m in e, fla p pin g lik e b utte rflie s o n m y w hit e u nif o rm .
"H e w as a r e al n ic e M artia n, M is te r K in g. L ooked ju st lik e u s, n o se , m outh , h air u p o n h is h ead , b ut so m etim e p eo ple lo oked a t h im fu nny a nd s o m etim e, w ell, I g uess s o m etim e p eo ple w as ju st dow nrig ht m ean." I c o uld g et in a lo t a tr o ub le te llin g h er th ese lit tle s to rie s, e sp ecia lly w it h M is te r L eefo lt . B ut M ae Moble y k no w th ese o ur " s e cre t s to rie s." "W hy A ib ee? W hy w as th ey s o m ean to h im ?" s h e a sk .
"C ause h e w as g re en." TW O T IM ES T H IS M ORN IN G, M is s L eefo lt 's p ho ne r u ng a nd tw o tim es I m is se d it . O nce c ause I w as c hasin g B ab y G ir l n ek kid in th e b ack yard a nd a no th er c ause I w as u sin g th e b ath ro om in th e gara ge a nd w hat w it h M is s L eefo lt b ein g th re e--y es, th re e --w eek s la te to h ave th is b ab y, I d on't exp ect h er to r u n fo r n o p ho ne. B ut I d on't e xp ect h er to s n ap a t m e c ause I c o uld n't g et th ere , neit h er. L aw , I s h o uld a k no w n w hen I g o t u p th is m orn in g.
Last n ig ht M is s S keete r a nd I w ork ed o n th e s to rie s u ntil a q uarte r to m id nig ht. I a m b one tir e d , b ut we d one fin is h ed n um ber e ig ht a nd th at m eans w e s till g o t fo ur m ore to g o . J a nuary te nth b e th e dead lin e a nd I d on't k no w if w e g o ne m ak e it .
It's a lr e ad y th e th ir d W ed nesd ay a O cto ber, s o it 's M is s L eefo lt 's tu rn to h o st b rid ge c lu b . I t's a ll changed u p n o w th at M is s S keete r b een th ro w n o ut. I t's M is s J e anie C ald w ell, th e o ne w ho c all every b ody h o ney, a nd M is s L ou A nne w ho r e p la ced M is s W alt e r, a nd e very b ody's r e al p olit e a nd stif f a nd th ey ju st a gre e w it h e ach o th er fo r tw o h o urs . T hey a in 't m uch fu n lis te nin g to a nym ore .
I'm p ourin g th e la st ic e te a w hen th e d oorb ell g o din g-d ong.
I g et to th e d oor r e al q uic k , s h o w M is s Leefo lt I a in 't a s s lo w a s s h e a ccuse d m e a b ein g.
When I o pen it , th e fir s t w ord th at p op in m y h ead is pin k.
I n ever e ven s e en h er b efo re b ut I 'v e h ad eno ugh c o nvers a tio ns w it h M in ny to k no w it 's h er. C ause w ho e ls e a ro und h ere g o ne fit e xtr a -la rg e boso m s in a e xtr a -sm all s w eate r?
"H ello th ere ," s h e s a y, lic k in g h er lip stic k y lip s. S he r a is e h er h and o ut to m e a nd I th in k s h e g iv in g me s o m eth in g. I r e ach o ut to ta k e w hate ver it is a nd s h e g iv e m e a fu nny lit tle h and sh ak e.
"M y n am e is C elia F oote a nd I a m h ere to s e e M is s E liz a b eth L eefo lt , p le ase ." I'm s o m esm eriz e d b y a ll th at p in k , it ta k es a fe w s e co nd s to h it m e h o w b ad th is c o uld tu rn o ut fo r me. A nd M in ny. I t w as a lo ng tim e a go , b ut th at lie s tu ck .
"I . . . s h e . . ." I 'd te ll h er n o body's h o m e b ut th e b rid ge ta b le 's fiv e fe et b ehin d m e. I lo ok b ack a nd all fo ur a th em la d ie s is s ta rin g a t th e d oor w it h th ey m outh s o pen lik e th ey c atc hin g flie s. M is s Cald w ell w his p er s o m eth in g to M is s H illy . M is s L eefo lt s ta gger u p , s la p o n a s m ile .
"H ello , C elia ," M is s L eefo lt s a y. " It's c erta in ly b een a lo ng tim e." Mis s C elia c le ars h er th ro at a nd s a ys k in d a to o lo ud , " H ello , E liz a b eth . I 'm c allin g o n y o u to day to -- " H er e yes flic k er b ack to th e ta b le w here th e o th er la d ie s is s e ttin g.
"O h n o , I 'm in te rru p tin g. I 'll ju st . . . I 'll c o m e o n b ack . A no th er tim e." "N o, n o , w hat c an I d o fo r y o u?" M is s L eefo lt s a y.
Mis s C elia ta k es a d eep b re ath in th at tig ht p in k s k ir t a nd fo r a s e co nd I g uess w e a ll th in k s h e g o ne pop.
"I'm h ere to o ffe r m y h elp fo r th e C hild re n's B enefit ." Mis s L eefo lt s m ile , s a y, " O h. W ell, I . . ." "I g o t a r e al k nack fo r a rra ngin g flo w ers , I m ean, e very b ody b ack in S ugar D it c h s a id s o , e ven m y maid s a id s o , r ig ht a fte r s h e s a id I 'm th e w ors t c o ok s h e's e ver la id e yes o n." S he g ig gle a t th is a se co nd a nd I s u ck in m y b re ath a t th e w ord maid .
T hen s h e s n ap b ack to s e rio us. " B ut I c an ad dre ss th in gs a nd lic k s ta m ps a nd --" Mis s H illy g et u p fr o m th e ta b le . S he le an in , s a y, " W e r e ally d on't n eed a ny m ore h elp , b ut w e'd b e delig hte d if y o u a nd J o hnny w ould a tte nd th e B enefit , C elia ." Mis s C elia s m ile a nd lo ok s o g ra te fu l it 'd b re ak a nyb ody's h eart. W ho h ad o ne.
"O h th ank y o u," s h e s a y. " I'd lo ve to ." "It's o n F rid ay n ig ht, N ovem ber th e fif te enth a t th e--" "- -th e R obert E . L ee H ote l, " M is s C elia fin is h . " I k no w a ll a b out it ." "W e'd lo ve to s e ll y o u s o m e tic k ets . J o hnny'll b e c o m in g w it h y o u, w on't h e? G o g et h er s o m e tic k ets , E liz a b eth ." "A nd if th ere 's a nyth in g I c an d o to h elp --" "N o, n o ." H illy s m ile . " W e'v e g o t it a ll ta k en c are o f." Mis s L eefo lt c o m e b ack w it h th e e nvelo pe. S he fis h o ut a fe w tic k ets , b ut th en M is s H illy ta k e th e envelo pe a w ay fr o m h er.
"W hile y o u'r e h ere , C elia , w hy d on't y o u b uy s o m e tic k ets fo r y o ur fr ie nd s? " Mis s C elia b e fr o ze n fo r a s e co nd . " U m, a lr ig ht." "H ow a b out te n? Y ou a nd J o hnny a nd e ig ht fr ie nd s. T hen y o u'd h ave a w ho le ta b le ." Mis s C elia s m ilin g s o h ard it s ta rts to tr e m ble . " I th in k ju st th e tw o w ill b e fin e." Mis s H illy ta k e o ut tw o tic k ets a nd h and th e e nvelo pe b ack to M is s L eefo lt , w ho g o es in th e b ack to p ut it a w ay.
"L em me ju st g et m y c heck w rit o ut. I 'm lu ck y I h ave th is b ig o le th in g w it h m e to day. I to ld m y m aid Min ny I 'd p ic k u p a h am bone fo r h er in to w n." Mis s C elia s tr u ggle to w rit e th at c heck o n h er k nee. I s ta y s till a s I c an, h o pin g to G od M is s H illy did n't h ear w hat s h e ju st s a id . S he h and th e c heck to h er b ut M is s H illy a ll w rin k le d u p , th in k in g.
"W ho ? W ho 'd y o u s a y y o ur m aid w as? " "M in ny J a ck so n. A w ! S ho ot." M is s C elia p op h er h and o ver h er m outh . " E liz a b eth m ad e m e s w ear I'd n ever te ll s h e r e co m mend ed h er a nd h ere I a m b la b bin g m y m outh o ff." "E liz a b eth . . . r e co m mend ed M in ny J a ck so n?" Mis s L eefo lt c o m e b ack in fr o m th e b ed ro om . " A ib ile en, s h e's u p . G o o n a nd g et h er n o w . I c an't lif t a n ail file w it h m y b ack ." I g o r e al q uic k to M ae M oble y's r o om b ut s o on a s I p eek in , M ae M oble y's d one fa lle n a sle ep again . I r u sh b ack to th e d in in g r o om . M is s H illy 's s h uttin g th e fr o nt d oor c lo se d .
Mis s H illy s e t d ow n, lo okin g lik e s h e ju st s w allo w ed th e c at th at a te th e c anary .
"A ib ile en," M is s L eefo lt s a y, " g o o n a nd g et th e s a la d s r e ad y n o w , w e'r e a ll w ait in g." I g o in th e k it c hen. W hen I c o m e b ack o ut, th e s a la d p la te s is r a ttlin g lik e te eth o n th e s e rv in g tr a y.
". . . m ean th e o ne w ho s to le a ll y o ur m am a's s ilv er a nd . . ." ". . . th o ught e very b ody in to w n k new th at N ig ra w as a th ie f . . ." ". . . I 'd n ever in a m illio n y ears r e co m mend . . ." ". . . y o u s e e w hat s h e h ad o n? W ho d oes s h e . . ." "I'm g o in g to fig ure th is o ut if it k ills m e," M is s H illy s a y.
MIN NY ch ap te r 2 4 I 'M A T T H E K IT C HEN s in k w ait in g fo r M is s C elia to c o m e h o m e. T he r a g I 'v e b een p ullin g o n is i n s h re d s. T hat c ra zy w om an w oke u p th is m orn in g, s q uo ze in to th e tig hte st p in k s w eate r s h e h as, w hic h is s a yin g s o m eth in g, a nd h o lle re d , " I'm g o in g to E liz a b eth L eefo lt 's . R ig ht n o w , w hile I g o t th e n erv e, M in ny." T hen s h e d ro ve o ff in h er B el A ir e c o nvertib le w it h h er s k ir t h angin g o ut th e d oor.
I w as ju st jit te ry u ntil th e p ho ne r a ng. A ib ile en w as h ic cup pin g s h e w as s o u p se t. N ot o nly d id M is s C elia te ll th e la d ie s th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g fo r h er, s h e in fo rm ed th em th at M is s L eefo lt w as t h e o ne w ho " re co m mend ed " m e. A nd th at w as a ll th e s to ry A ib ile en h eard . I t'll ta k e th o se c ack lin g h ens a b out fiv e m in ute s to fig ure th is o ut.
S o n o w , I h ave to w ait . W ait to fin d o ut if , N um ber O ne, m y b est fr ie nd in th e e ntir e w orld g ets fir e d f o r g ettin g m e a jo b. A nd N um ber T w o, if M is s H illy to ld M is s C elia th o se lie s th at I 'm a th ie f. A nd N um ber T w o a nd a h alf , if M is s H illy to ld M is s C elia h o w I g o t b ack a t h er fo r te llin g th o se lie s th at I 'm a th ie f. I 'm n o t s o rry fo r th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d one to h er. B ut n o w th at M is s H illy p ut h er o w n m aid in ja il to r o t, I w ond er w hat th at la d y's g o in g to d o to m e.
I t's n o t u ntil te n a fte r fo ur, a n h o ur p ast m y tim e to le ave, th at I s e e M is s C elia 's c ar p ull in . S he j ig gle s u p th e w alk lik e s h e's g o t s o m eth in g to s a y. I h it c h u p m y h o se .
" M in ny, it 's s o la te !" s h e y ells .
" W hat h ap pened w it h M is s L eefo lt ? " I 'm n o t e ven tr y in g to b e c o y. I w ant to k no w .
" G o, p le ase ! J o hnny's c o m in g h o m e a ny m in ute ." S he's p ush in g m e to th e w ash ro om w here I k eep m y th in gs.
" W e'll ta lk to m orro w ," s h e s a ys, b ut fo r o nce, I d on't w ant to g o h o m e, I w ant to h ear w hat M is s H illy s a id a b out m e. H earin g y o ur m aid 's a th ie f is lik e h earin g y o ur k id 's te acher's a tw id dle r. Y ou d on't g iv e th em th e b enefit o f th e d oub t, y o u ju st g et th e h ell r id o f e m .
B ut M is s C elia w on't te ll m e a nyth in g. S he's s h o oin g m e o ut s o s h e c an k eep u p h er c hara d e, s o t w is te d it 's lik e k ud zu . M is te r J o hnny k no w s a b out m e. M is s C elia k no w s M is te r J o hnny k no w s a b out m e. B ut M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't k no w th at M is s C elia k no w s h e k no w s. A nd b ecause o f th at r id ic ulo usn ess, I h ave to le ave a t fo ur- o h-te n a nd w orry a b out M is s H illy fo r th e e ntir e n ig ht.
T H E N EX T M ORN IN G B EFO RE W ORK , A ib ile en c alls m y h o use .
" I c all p oor F anny e arly th is m orn in g c ause I k no w y o u b een s te w in g a b out it a ll n ig ht." P oor F anny's M is s H illy 's n ew m aid . O ught to c all h er F ool F anny fo r w ork in g th ere . " S he h eard M is s L eefo lt a nd M is s H illy d one d ecid ed y o u m ad e th e w ho le r e co m mend atio n th in g u p s o M is s C elia w ould g iv e y o u th e jo b." Whew .
I le t o ut a lo ng b re ath . " G la d y o u a in 't g o ne g et in tr o ub le ," I s a y. S till, n o w M is s H illy c allin g me a lia r and a th ie f.
"D on't y o u w orry b out m e," A ib ile en s a ys. " Y ou ju st k eep M is s H illy fr o m ta lk in g to y o ur b oss la d y." When I g et to w ork , M is s C elia 's r u sh in g o ut to g o b uy a d re ss fo r th e B enefit n ext m onth . S he s a ys sh e w ants to b e th e fir s t p ers o n in th e s to re . I t's n o t lik e th e o ld d ays w hen s h e w as p re gnant. N ow sh e c an't w ait to g et o ut th e d oor.
I s to m p o ut to th e b ack yard a nd w ip e d ow n th e la w n c hair s . T he b ir d s a ll tw it te r u p in a h uff w hen th ey s e e m e c o m in g, m ak in g th e c am ellia b ush r a ttle . L ast s p rin g M is s C elia w as a lw ays n aggin g a t me to ta k e th o se flo w ers h o m e. B ut I k no w c am ellia s. Y ou b rin g a b unch in sid e, th in k in g h o w it 's s o fr e sh it lo oks lik e it 's m ovin g a nd a s s o on a s y o u g o d ow n fo r a s n if f, y o u s e e y o u'v e b ro ught a n arm y fu ll o f s p id er m it e s in th e h o use .
I h ear a s tic k b re ak , th en a no th er, b ehin d th e b ush es. I p ric k le in sid e, h o ld s till. W e'r e o ut in th e mid dle o f n o w here a nd n o body w ould h ear u s c all fo r m ile s. I lis te n, b ut I d on't h ear a nyth in g e ls e . I te ll m yse lf it 's ju st th e o ld d re gs o f w ait in g fo r M is te r J o hnny. O r m ayb e I 'm p ara no id b ecause I work ed w it h M is s S keete r la st n ig ht o n th e b ook. I 'm a lw ays jit te ry a fte r ta lk in g to h er.
Fin ally , I g o b ack to c le anin g p ool c hair s , p ic k in g u p M is s C elia 's m ovie m agazin es a nd tis su es th e slo b le aves o ut h ere . T he p ho ne r in gs in sid e. I 'm n o t s u p pose d to a nsw er th e p ho ne w hat w it h M is s Celia tr y in g to k eep u p th e b ig fa t lie w it h M is te r J o hnny. B ut s h e's n o t h ere a nd it m ig ht b e A ib ile en wit h m ore n ew s. I g o in sid e, lo ck th e d oor b ehin d m e.
"M is s C elia r e sid ence." L ord , I h o pe it 's n o t M is s C elia c allin g.
"T his is H illy H olb ro ok s p eak in g. W ho is th is ? " My b lo od w ho osh es d ow n fr o m m y h air to m y fe et. I 'm a n e m pty , b lo odle ss s h ell fo r a b out fiv e se co nd s.
I lo w er m y v o ic e, m ak e it d eep lik e a s tr a nger. " T his D ore ena. M is s C elia 's h elp ." Dore en a? W hy I use m y s is te r's n am e!
"D ore ena. I th o ught M in ny J a ck so n w as M is s F oote 's m aid ." "S he . . . q uit ." "Is th at r ig ht? L et m e s p eak to M is su s F oote ." "S he . . . o ut a to w n. D ow n a t th e c o ast. F or a --a --" M y m in d 's p ed alin g a th o usa nd m ile s a n h o ur tr y in g to c o m e u p w it h d eta ils .
"W ell, w hen is s h e c o m in g b ack ?" "L ooong tim e." "W ell, w hen s h e g ets b ack , y o u te ll h er I c alle d . H illy H olb ro ok, E m ers o n th re e s ix ty -e ig ht fo rty ?" "Y es m a'a m . I te ll h er." I n a b out a h und re d y ears .
I h o ld o n to th e c o unte r e d ge, w ait fo r m y h eart to s to p h am merin g. I t's n o t th at M is s H illy c an't fin d me. I m ean, s h e c o uld ju st lo ok u p M in ny J a ck so n o n T ic k R oad in th e p ho ne b ook a nd g et m y ad dre ss. A nd it 's n o t lik e I c o uld n't te ll M is s C elia w hat h ap pened , te ll h er I 'm n o t a th ie f. M ayb e sh e'd b elie ve m e a fte r a ll. B ut it 's th e T errib le A w fu l th at r u in s it a ll.
Four h o urs la te r, M is s C elia w alk s in w it h fiv e b ig b oxes s ta ck ed o n to p o f e ach o th er. I h elp h er to te th em b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd th en I s ta nd v ery s till o uts id e h er d oor to h ear if s h e'll c all u p th e so cie ty la d ie s lik e s h e d oes e very d ay. S ure e no ugh, I h ear h er p ic k u p th e p ho ne. B ut s h e ju st h angs it b ack u p a gain . T he fo ol's lis te nin g fo r th e d ia l to ne a gain , in c ase s o m eo ne tr ie s to c all.
EV EN T H O UGH I T 'S T H E th ir d w eek o f O cto ber, th e s u m mer b eats o n w it h th e r h yth m o f a clo th es d ry er. T he g ra ss in M is s C elia 's y ard is s till a fu ll- b lo w n g re en. T he o ra nge d ahlia s a re s till sm ilin g d ru nk u p a t th e s u n. A nd e very n ig ht, th e d am n m osq uit o es c o m e o ut fo r th eir b lo od h unt, m y sw eat p ad s w ent u p th re e c ents a b ox, a nd m y e le ctr ic fa n is b ro ke d ead o n m y k it c hen flo or.
On th is O cto ber m orn in g, th re e d ays a fte r M is s H illy c alle d , I w alk in to w ork h alf a n h o ur e arly . I 'v e go t S ugar s e ein g th e k id s to s c ho ol. T he c o ffe e g rin d s g o in th e fa ncy p erc o la to r, th e w ate r g o es in th e p ot. I le an m y b otto m a gain st th e c o unte r. Q uie t. I t's w hat I 'v e b een w ait in g fo r a ll n ig ht lo ng.
The F rig id air e p ic k s u p a h um w here it le ft o ff. I p ut m y h and o n it to fe el it s v ib ra tio n.
"Y ou'r e a w fu l e arly , M in ny." I o pen th e r e fr ig era to r a nd b ury m y h ead in sid e. " M orn in g," I s a y fr o m th e c ris p er. A ll I c an th in k is , Not y et.
I fid dle w it h s o m e a rtic ho kes, th e c o ld s p in es p ric k lin g m y h and . B ent o ver lik e th is , m y h ead pound s e ven h ard er. " I'm o n fix y o u a nd M is te r J o hnny a r o ast a nd I 'm o n . . . fix s o m e . . ." B ut th e word s g o a ll h ig h-p it c hed o n m e.
" Min ny, w hat h ap pened ?" M is s C elia h as m ad e h er w ay a ro und th e r e fr ig era to r d oor w it h o ut m e even r e aliz in g it . M y fa ce b unches u p . T he c ut o n m y e yeb ro w b re ak s o pen a gain , th e h o t b lo od stin gin g lik e a r a zo r. U su ally m y b ru is e s d on't s h o w .
"H oney, s e t d ow n. D id y o u ta k e a s p ill? " S he p ro ps h er h and o n th e h ip o f h er p in k n ig htg o w n. " D id yo u tr ip o n th e fa n c o rd a gain ?" "I'm fin e," I s a y, tr y in g to tu rn s o s h e c an't s e e m e. B ut M is s C elia 's m ovin g w it h m e, b ug-e yein g th e cut lik e s h e's n ever s e en a nyth in g s o a w fu l. I h ad a w hit e la d y te ll m e o nce th at b lo od lo oks r e d der on a c o lo re d p ers o n. I ta k e a w ad o f c o tto n fr o m m y p ock et, h o ld it to m y fa ce. "It's n o th in g," I s a y. " I b anged it in th e b ath tu b ." "M in ny, th at th in g's b le ed in g. I th in k y o u n eed y o u s o m e s tit c hes. L et m e g et D octo r N eal o ver here ." S he g ra b s th e p ho ne fr o m th e w all, th en b angs it b ack . " O h, h e's u p a t th e h untin g c am p w it h Jo hnny. I 'll c all D octo r S te ele , th en." "M is s C elia , I d on't n eed n o d octo r." "Y ou n eed m ed ic al a tte ntio n, M in ny," s h e s a ys, p ic k in g th e p ho ne b ack u p .
Do I r e ally h ave to s a y it ? I g rit m y te eth to g et it o ut. " T hem d octo rs a in 't g o ne w ork o n n o c o lo re d pers o n, M is s C elia ." She h angs th e p ho ne u p a gain .
I tu rn a nd fa ce th e s in k . I k eep th in k in g, This a in 't n obody's b usin ess, j u st d o y o ur w ork , b ut I haven't h ad a m in ute 's s le ep . L ero y s c re am ed a t m e a ll n ig ht, th re w th e s u gar b ow l u p sid e m y h ead , th re w m y c lo th es o ut o n th e p orc h. I m ean, w hen h e's d rin k in g th e T hund erb ir d , it 's o ne th in g, b ut . .
.
oh.
T he s h am e is s o h eavy I th in k it m ig ht p ull m e to th e flo or. L ero y, h e w asn 't o n th e T hund erb ir d th is tim e. T his tim e h e b eat m e s to ne-c o ld s o ber.
"G o o n o ut a h ere , M is s C elia , le t m e g et s o m e w ork d one," I s a y b ecause I ju st n eed s o m e tim e alo ne. A t fir s t, I th o ught L ero y h ad fo und o ut a b out m y w ork in g w it h M is s S keete r. I t w as th e o nly re aso n I c o uld c o m e u p w it h w hile h e w as b eatin g m e w it h h is h and . B ut h e d id n't s a y a th in g a b out it . H e w as ju st b eatin g m e fo r th e p ure p le asu re o f it .
"M in ny?" M is s C elia s a ys, e yein g th e c ut a gain . " A re y o u s u re y o u d id th at in th e b ath tu b ?" I r u n th e w ate r ju st to g et s o m e n o is e in th e r o om . " I to ld y o u I d id a nd I d id . A lr ig ht? " She g iv es m e a s u sp ic io us lo ok a nd p oin ts h er fin ger a t m e. " A lr ig ht, b ut I 'm fix in g y o u a c up o f co ffe e a nd I w ant y o u to ju st ta k e th e d ay o ff, o kay?" M is s C elia g o es to th e c o ffe e p erc o la to r, pours tw o c up s, b ut th en s to ps. L ooks a t m e k in d o f s u rp ris e d .
"I d on't k no w h o w y o u ta k e y o ur c o ffe e, M in ny." I r o ll m y e yes. " S am e a s y o u." She d ro ps tw o s u gars in to b oth m ugs. S he g iv es m e m y c o ffe e a nd th en s h e ju st s ta nd s, s ta rin g o ut th e b ack w in d ow w it h h er ja w s e t tig ht. I s ta rt w ash in g la st n ig ht's d is h es, w is h in g s h e'd ju st le ave m e be.
"Y ou k no w ," s h e s a ys k in d o f lo w , " Y ou c an ta lk to m e a b out a nyth in g, M in ny." I k eep w ash in g, fe el m y n o se s ta rt to fla re .
"I'v e s e en s o m e th in gs, b ack w hen I liv ed in S ugar D it c h. I n fa ct . . ." I lo ok u p , a b out to g iv e it to h er fo r g ettin g in m y b usin ess, b ut M is s C elia s a ys in a fu nny v o ic e, "W e'v e g o t to c all th e p olic e, M in ny." I p ut m y c o ffe e c up d ow n s o h ard it s p la sh es. " N ow lo ok a h ere , I d on't w ant n o p olic e g ettin g in vo lv ed --" She p oin ts o ut th e b ack w in d ow . " T here 's a m an, M in ny! O ut th ere !" I tu rn to w here 's s h e's lo okin g. A m an--a naked m an--is o ut b y th e a za le as. I b lin k to s e e if it 's r e al.
He's ta ll, m ealy -lo okin g a nd w hit e . H e's s ta nd in g w it h h is b ack to u s, a b out fif te en fe et a w ay. H is bro w n ta ngle d h air is lo ng lik e a h o bo. E ven fr o m th e b ack I c an te ll h e's to uchin g h im se lf .
"W ho is h e?" M is s C elia w his p ers . " W hat's h e d oin g h ere ?" The m an tu rn s to fa ce fr o nt, a lm ost lik e h e h eard u s. B oth o ur ja w s d ro p. H e's h o ld in g it o ut lik e h e's offe rin g u s a p o'b oy s a nd w ic h.
"O h . . .
God ," M is s C elia s a ys.
His e yes s e arc h th e w in d ow . T hey la nd r ig ht o n m in e, s ta rin g a d ark lin e a cro ss th e la w n. I s h iv er.
It's lik e h e k no w s m e, M in ny J a ck so n. H e's s ta rin g w it h h is lip c urle d lik e I d ese rv ed e very b ad d ay I'v e e ver liv ed , e very n ig ht I h aven't s le p t, e very b lo w L ero y's e ver g iv en. D ese rv ed it a nd m ore .
And h is fis t s ta rts p unchin g h is p alm w it h a s lo w r h yth m . P unch. P unch. P unch. L ik e h e k no w s exactly w hat h e's g o in g to d o w it h m e. I fe el th e th ro b in m y e ye s ta rt a gain .
"W e'v e g o t to c all th e p olic e!" w his p ers M is s C elia . H er w id e e yes d art to th e p ho ne o n th e o th er sid e o f th e k it c hen, b ut s h e d oesn 't m ove a n in ch.
"It'll ta k e e m fo rty -fiv e m in ute s ju st to fin d th e h o use ," I s a y. " H e c o uld b re ak th e d oor d ow n b y th en!" I r u n to th e b ack d oor, flip th e lo ck o n. I d art to th e fr o nt d oor a nd lo ck it , d uck in g d ow n w hen I pass th e b ack w in d ow . I s ta nd u p o n m y tip to es, p eek th ro ugh th e lit tle s q uare w in d ow o n th e b ack door. M is s C elia p eek s a ro und th e s id e o f th e b ig w in d ow .
The n ak ed m an's w alk in g r e al s lo w u p to w ard th e h o use . H e c o m es u p th e b ack s te p s. H e tr ie s th e doork no b a nd I w atc h it jig gle , fe elin g m y h eart w hap pin g a gain st m y r ib s. I h ear M is s C elia o n th e pho ne, s a yin g, " P olic e? W e'r e g ettin g in tr u d ed ! T here 's a m an! A n ak ed m an tr y in g to g et in th e--" I ju m p b ack fr o m th e lit tle s q uare w in d ow ju st in tim e fo r th e r o ck to s m ash th ro ugh, fe el th e s p rin k le of s h ard s h it m y fa ce. T hro ugh th e b ig w in d ow , I s e e th e m an b ack in g u p , lik e h e's tr y in g to s e e where to b re ak in n ext.
Lord , I 'm p ra yin g, I d on't w ant t o d o t h is , d on't m ake m e h ave t o d o t h is . . .
Again , h e s ta re s a t u s th ro ugh th e w in d ow . A nd I k no w w e c an't ju st s it h ere lik e a d uck d in ner, wait in g fo r h im to g et in . A ll h e h as to d o is b re ak a flo or- to -c eilin g w in d ow a nd s te p o n in .
Lord , I k no w w hat I h ave to d o. I h ave to g o o ut th ere . I h ave to g et h im fir st.
"Y ou s ta nd b ack , M is s C elia ," I s a y a nd m y v o ic e is s h ak in g. I g o g et M is te r J o hnny's h untin g k nif e , still in th e s h eath , fr o m th e b ear. B ut th e b la d e's s o s h o rt, h e'll h ave to b e a w fu l c lo se fo r m e to c ut him , s o I g et th e b ro om to o. I lo ok o ut a nd h e's in th e m id dle o f th e y ard , lo okin g u p a t th e h o use .
Fig urin g th in gs o ut.
I o pen th e b ack d oor a nd s lip o ut. A cro ss th e y ard , th e m an s m ile s a t m e, s h o w in g a m outh w it h ab out tw o te eth . H e s to ps p unchin g a nd g o es b ack to s tr o kin g h im se lf , s m ooth ly , e venly n o w .
"L ock th e d oor," I h is s b ehin d m e. " K eep it lo ck ed ." I h ear th e c lic k .
I tu ck th e k nif e in th e b elt o f m y u nif o rm , m ak e s u re it 's tig ht. A nd I g rip th e b ro om w it h b oth h and s.
"Y ou g et o n o ut a h ere , y o u fo ol! " I y ell. B ut th e m an d oesn 't m ove. I ta k e a fe w s te p s c lo se r. A nd th en s o d oes h e a nd I h ear m yse lf p ra yin g, Lord p ro te ct m e f ro m t h is n aked w hit e m an . . .
"I g o t m e a k nif e !" I h o lle r. I ta k e s o m e m ore s te p s a nd h e d oes to o. W hen I g et s e ven o r e ig ht fe et fr o m h im , I 'm p antin g. W e b oth s ta re .
"W hy, y o u'r e a fa t n ig ger," h e c alls in a s tr a nge, h ig h v o ic e a nd g iv es h im se lf a lo ng s tr o ke.
I ta k e a d eep b re ath . A nd th en I r u sh fo rw ard a nd s w in g w it h th e b ro om .
Whoosh !
I 'v e m is se d h im by in ches a nd h e d ances a w ay. I lu nge a gain a nd th e m an r u ns to w ard th e h o use . H e h ead s s tr a ig ht fo r th e b ack d oor, w here M is s C elia 's fa ce is in th e w in d ow .
"N ig ger c an't c atc h m e! N ig ger to o fa t to r u n!" He m ak es it to th e s te p s a nd I p anic th at h e's g o in g to tr y a nd b ust d ow n th e d oor, b ut th en h e flip s aro und a nd r u ns a lo ng th e s id eyard , h o ld in g th at g ig antic flo ppin g p o'b oy in h is h and .
"Y ou g et o ut a h ere !" I s c re am a fte r h im , fe elin g a s h arp p ain , k no w in g m y c ut's r ip pin g w id er.
I r u sh h im h ard fr o m th e b ush es to th e p ool, h eavin g a nd p antin g. H e s lo w s a t th e e d ge o f th e w ate r and I g et c lo se a nd la nd a g o od s w in g o n h is r e ar, th w ak!
T he s tic k s n ap s a nd th e b ru sh -e nd flie s off.
"D id n't h urt! " H e jig gle s h is h and b etw een h is le gs, h it c hin g u p h is k nees. " H ave a lit tle p eck er p ie , nig ger? C om e o n, g et y o u s o m e p eck er p ie !" I d iv e a ro und h im b ack to th e m id dle o f th e y ard , b ut th e m an is to o ta ll a nd to o fa st a nd I 'm g ettin g slo w er. M y s w in gs a re fly in g w ild a nd s o on I 'm h ard ly e ven jo ggin g. I s to p, le an o ver, b re ath in g hard , th e s h o rt b ro ken-o ff b ro om in m y h and . I lo ok d ow n a nd th e k nif e --it is gone.
As s o on a s I lo ok b ack u p , whaaam !
I s ta gger. T he r in gin g c o m es h ars h a nd lo ud , m ak in g m e to tte r. I c o ver m y e ar b ut th e r in gin g g ets lo ud er. H e's p unched m e o n th e s a m e s id e a s th e c ut.
He c o m es c lo se r a nd I c lo se m y e yes, k no w in g w hat's a b out to h ap pen to m e, k no w in g I 'v e g o t to move a w ay b ut I c an't . W here is th e k nif e ? D oes h e h ave th e k nif e ? T he r in gin g's lik e a n ig htm are .
"Y ou g et o ut a h ere b efo re I k ill y o u," I h ear, lik e it 's in a tin c an. M y h earin g's h alf g o ne a nd I o pen my e yes. T here 's M is s C elia in h er p in k s a tin n ig htg o w n. S he's g o t a fir e p oker in h er h and , h eavy, sh arp .
"W hit e la d y w ant a ta ste a p eck er p ie , to o?" H e flo ps h is p enis a ro und a t h er a nd s h e s te p s c lo se r to th e m an, s lo w , lik e a c at. I ta k e a d eep b re ath w hile th e m an ju m ps le ft, th en r ig ht, la ughin g a nd cho m pin g h is to oth le ss g um s. B ut M is s C elia ju st s ta nd s s till.
Afte r a fe w s e co nd s h e fr o w ns, lo oks d is a p poin te d th at M is s C elia is n 't d oin g a nyth in g. S he's n o t sw in gin g o r fr o w nin g o r h o lle rin g. H e lo oks o ver a t m e. " W hat a b out y o u? N ig ger to o tir e d to --" Cra ck !
The m an's ja w g o es s id ew ays a nd b lo od b urs ts o ut o f h is m outh . H e w obble s a ro und , tu rn s, a nd Mis s C elia w hack s th e o th er s id e o f h is fa ce to o. L ik e s h e ju st w ante d to e ven h im u p .
The m an s tu m ble s fo rw ard , lo okin g n o w here in p artic ula r. T hen h e fa lls fa ce fla t.
"L ord y, y o u . . . y o u g o t h im . . ." I s a y, b ut in th e b ack o f m y h ead , th ere 's th is v o ic e a sk in g m e, r e al calm , lik e w e'r e ju st h avin g te a o ut h ere , Is t h is r e a lly h appen in g?
I s a w hit e w om an r e ally b eatin g up a w hit e m an to s a ve m e? O r d id h e s h ak e m y b ra in p an lo ose a nd I 'm o ver th ere d ead o n th e gro und ...
I tr y to fo cus m y e yes. M is s C elia , s h e's g o t a s n arl o n h er lip s. S he r a is e s h er r o d a nd ka-w ham !
acro ss th e b ack o f h is k nees.
This a in 't h ap penin g, I d ecid e. T his is ju st to o d am n s tr a nge.
Ka-w ham !
S he h it s h im a cro ss h is s h o uld ers , m ak in g a ugh s o und e very tim e.
"I- -I s a id y o u g o t h im n o w , M is s C elia ," I s a y. B ut e vid ently , M is s C elia d oesn 't th in k s o . E ven w it h my e ars r in gin g, it s o und s lik e c hic k en b ones c ra ck in g. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig hte r, m ak e m yse lf fo cus m y eyes b efo re th is tu rn s in to a h o m ic id e. " H e d ow n, h e d ow n, M is s C elia ," I s a y. " F act, h e"- -I s tr u ggle to c atc h th e p oker- -"h e m ig ht b e d ead ." I fin ally c atc h it a nd s h e le ts g o a nd th e p oker flie s in to th e y ard . M is s C elia s te p s b ack fr o m h im , sp it s in th e g ra ss. B lo od's s p atte re d a cro ss h er p in k s a tin n ig htg o w n. T he fa b ric 's s tu ck to h er le gs.
"H e a in 't d ead ," M is s C elia s a ys.
"H e c lo se ," I s a y.
"D id h e h it y o u h ard , M in ny?" s h e a sk s, b ut s h e's s ta rin g d ow n a t h im . " D id h e h urt y o u b ad ?" I c an fe el b lo od r u nnin g d ow n m y te m ple b ut I k no w it 's fr o m th e s u gar b ow l c ut th at's s p lit o pen again . " N ot a s b ad a s y o u h urt h im ," I s a y.
The m an g ro ans a nd w e b oth ju m p b ack . I g ra b th e p oker a nd th e b ro om h and le fr o m th e g ra ss. I don't g iv e h er e it h er o ne.
He r o lls h alf w ay o ver. H is fa ce is b lo ody o n b oth s id es, h is e yes a re s w ellin g s h ut. H is ja w 's b een kno ck ed o ff it s h in ge a nd s o m eho w h e s till b rin gs h im se lf to h is fe et. A nd th en h e s ta rts to w alk aw ay, a p ath etic w obbly th in g. H e d oesn 't e ven lo ok b ack a t u s. W e ju st s ta nd th ere a nd w atc h h im ho bble th ro ugh th e p ric k ly b oxw ood b ush es a nd d is a p pear in th e tr e es.
"H e a in 't g o ne g et fa r," I s a y, a nd I k eep m y g rip o n th at p oker. " Y ou w ho oped h im p re tty g o od." "Y ou th in k ?" s h e s a ys.
I g iv e h er a lo ok. " L ik e J o e L ouis w it h a tir e ir o n." She b ru sh es a c lu m p o f b lo nd h air o ut o f h er fa ce, lo oks a t m e lik e it k ills h er th at I g o t h it . S ud denly I r e aliz e I o ught to th ank h er, b ut tr u ly , I 'v e g o t n o w ord s to d ra w fr o m . T his is a b ra nd -n ew in ventio n w e'v e c o m e u p w it h .
All I c an s a y is , " Y ou lo oked m ig hty . . . s u re a y o urs e lf ." "I u se d to b e a g o od fig hte r." S he lo oks o ut a lo ng th e b oxw oods, w ip es o ff h er s w eat w it h h er p alm .
"If y o u'd k no w n m e te n y ears a go . . ." She's g o t n o g o o o n h er fa ce, h er h air 's n o t s p ra yed , h er n ig htg o w n's lik e a n o ld p ra ir ie d re ss. S he ta k es a d eep b re ath th ro ugh h er n o se a nd I s e e it . I s e e th e w hit e tr a sh g ir l s h e w as te n y ears a go .
She w as s tr o ng. S he d id n't ta k e n o s h it fr o m n o body.
Mis s C elia tu rn s a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e h o use . I s e e th e k nif e in th e r o se b ush a nd s n atc h it u p .
Lord , if th at m an h ad g o tte n h o ld o f th is , w e'd b e d ead . I n th e g uest b ath ro om , I c le an th e c ut, c o ver it w it h a w hit e b and age. T he h ead ache is b ad . W hen I c o m e o ut, I h ear M is s C elia o n th e p ho ne, ta lk in g to th e M ad is o n C ounty p olic e.
I w ash m y h and s, w ond er h o w a n a w fu l d ay c o uld tu rn e ven w ors e . I t s e em s lik e a t s o m e p oin t yo u'd ju st r u n o ut o f a w fu l. I tr y to g et m y m in d o n r e al lif e a gain . M ayb e I 'll s ta y a t m y s is te r Octa via 's to nig ht, s h o w L ero y I 'm n o t g o in g to p ut u p w it h it a nym ore . I g o in th e k it c hen, p ut th e beans o n to s im mer. W ho a m I fo olin g? I a lr e ad y k no w I 'll e nd u p a t h o m e to nig ht.
I h ear M is s C elia h ang u p w it h th e p olic e. A nd th en I h ear h er p erfo rm h er u su al p it if u l c heck , to mak e s u re th e lin e is fr e e.
TH AT A FTER N OON, I d o a te rrib le th in g. I d riv e p ast A ib ile en w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e b us s to p.
Aib ile en w aves a nd I p re te nd I d on't e ven s e e m y o w n b est fr ie nd o n th e s id e o f th e r o ad in h er brig ht w hit e u nif o rm .
When I g et to m y h o use , I fix a n ic ep ack fo r m y e ye. T he k id s a re n't h o m e y et a nd L ero y's a sle ep in th e b ack . I d on't k no w w hat to d o a b out a nyth in g, n o t L ero y, n o t M is s H illy . N ever m in d I g o t boxed in th e e ar b y a n ak ed w hit e m an th is m orn in g. I ju st s it a nd s ta re a t m y o ily y ello w w alls . W hy can't I e ver g et th ese w alls c le an?
"M in ny Ja ck so n.
Y ou to o g o od to g iv e o ld A ib ile en a r id e?" I s ig h a nd tu rn m y s o re h ead s o s h e c an s e e.
"O h," s h e s a ys.
I lo ok b ack a t th e w all.
"A ib ile en," I s a y a nd h ear m yse lf s ig h. " Y ou a in 't g o ne b elie ve m y d ay." "C om e o n o ver. I m ak e y o u s o m e c o ffe e." Befo re I w alk o ut, I p eel th at g la rin g b and age o ff, s lip it in m y p ock et w it h m y ic ep ack . O n s o m e fo lk s a ro und h ere , a c ut- u p e ye w ould n't e ven g et a c o m ment. B ut I 'v e g o t g o od k id s, a c ar w it h tir e s, a nd a r e fr ig era to r fr e eze r. I 'm p ro ud o f m y fa m ily a nd th e s h am e o f th e e ye is w ors e th an th e pain .
I fo llo w A ib ile en th ro ugh th e s id eyard s a nd b ack yard s, a vo id in g th e tr a ffic a nd th e lo oks. I 'm g la d sh e k no w s m e s o w ell.
In h er lit tle k it c hen, A ib ile en p uts th e c o ffe ep ot o n fo r m e, th e te a k ettle fo r h ers e lf .
"S o w hat y o u g o ne d o a b out it ? " A ib ile en a sk s a nd I k no w s h e m eans th e e ye. W e d on't ta lk a b out me le avin g L ero y. P le nty o f b la ck m en le ave th eir fa m ilie s b ehin d lik e tr a sh in a d um p, b ut it 's ju st n o t so m eth in g th e c o lo re d w om an d o. W e'v e g o t th e k id s to th in k a b out.
"T ho ught a b out d riv in g u p to m y s is te r's . B ut I c an't ta k e th e k id s, th ey g o t s c ho ol. " "A in 't n o th in g w ro ng w it h th e k id s m is sin g s c ho ol a fe w d ays. N ot if y o u p ro te ctin g y o urs e lf ." I fa ste n th e b and age b ack , h o ld th e ic ep ack to it s o th e s w ellin g w on't b e s o b ad w hen m y k id s s e e me to nig ht.
"Y ou te ll M is s C elia y o u s lip in th e b ath tu b a gain ?" "Y eah, b ut s h e k no w ." "W hy, w hat s h e s a y?" A ib ile en a sk .
"It's w hat s h e d id ." A nd I te ll A ib ile en a ll a b out h o w M is s C elia b eat th e n ak ed m an w it h th e fir e poker th is m orn in g. F eels lik e te n y ears a go .
"T hat m an a b een b la ck , h e b e d ead in th e g ro und . P olic e w ould a h ad a a ll- p oin ts a le rt fo r fif ty - th re e s ta te s," A ib ile en s a y.
"A ll h er g ir ly , h ig h-h eel w ays a nd s h e ju st a b out k ill h im ," I s a y.
Aib ile en la ughs. " W hat h e c all it a gain ?" "P eck er p ie . C ra zy W hit fie ld fo ol. " I h ave to k eep m yse lf fr o m s m ilin g b ecause I k no w it 'll m ak e th e cut s p lit o pen a gain .
"L aw , M in ny, y o u h ave h ad s o m e th in gs h ap pen to y o u." "H ow c o m e s h e a in 't g o t n o p ro ble m d efe nd in g h ers e lf fr o m th at c ra zy m an? B ut s h e c hase a fte r Mis s H illy lik e s h e ju st b eggin g fo r a b use ?" I s a y th is e ven th o ugh M is s C elia g ettin g h er fe elin gs h urt is th e le ast o f m y w orrie s r ig ht n o w . I t ju st fe els k in d o f g o od to ta lk a b out s o m eo ne e ls e 's s c re w ed - up lif e .
"A lm ost s o und s lik e y o u c are ," A ib ile en s a ys, s m ilin g.
"S he ju st d on't s e e e m . T he lin es.
N ot b etw een h er a nd m e, n o t b etw een h er a nd H illy ." Aib ile en ta k es a lo ng s ip o f h er te a. F in ally I lo ok a t h er. " W hat y o u s o q uie t fo r? I k no w y o u g o t a opin io n b out a ll th is ." "Y ou g o ne a ccuse m e a p hilo so phiz in g." "G o a head ," I s a y. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o p hilo so phy." "It a in 't tr u e." "S ay w hat? " "Y ou ta lk in g a b out s o m eth in g th at d on't e xis t." I s h ak e m y h ead a t m y fr ie nd . " N ot o nly is th ey lin es, b ut y o u k no w g o od a s I d o w here th em lin es be d ra w n." Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I u se d to b elie ve in e m . I d on't a nym ore . T hey in o ur h ead s. P eo ple lik e Mis s H illy is a lw ays tr y in g to m ak e u s b elie ve th ey th ere . B ut th ey a in 't ." "I k no w th ey th ere c ause y o u g et p unis h ed fo r c ro ssin g e m ," I s a y. " L east I d o." "L ot a fo lk s th in k if y o u ta lk b ack to y o u h usb and , y o u c ro sse d th e lin e. A nd th at ju stif ie s punis h m ent. Y ou b elie ve in th at lin e?" I s c o w l d ow n a t th e ta b le . " Y ou k no w I a in 't s tu d yin g n o lin e lik e th at." "C ause th at lin e a in 't th ere . E xcep t in L ero y's h ead . L in es b etw een b la ck a nd w hit e a in 't th ere neit h er. S om e fo lk s ju st m ad e th o se u p , lo ng tim e a go . A nd th at g o fo r th e w hit e tr a sh a nd th e s o - cie ty la d ie s to o." Thin k in g a b out M is s C elia c o m in g o ut w it h th at fir e p oker w hen s h e c o uld 'v e h id b ehin d th e d oor, I don't k no w . I g et a tw in ge. I w ant h er to u nd ers ta nd h o w it is w it h M is s H illy . B ut h o w d o y o u te ll a fo ol lik e h er?
"S o y o u s a yin g th ey a in 't n o lin e b etw een th e h elp a nd th e b oss e it h er? " Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " T hey's ju st p osit io ns, lik e o n a c heck erb oard . W ho w ork fo r w ho d on't mean n o th in g." "S o I a in 't c ro ssin g n o lin e if I te ll M is s C elia th e tr u th , th at s h e a in 't g o od e no ugh fo r H illy ?" I p ic k my c up u p . I 'm tr y in g h ard to g et th is , b ut m y c ut's th um pin g a gain st m y b ra in . " B ut w ait , if I te ll h er Mis s H illy 's o ut a h er le ague . . . th en a in 't I s a yin g th ey is a lin e?" Aib ile en la ughs. S he p ats m y h and . " A ll I 'm s a yin g is , k in d ness d on't h ave n o b ound arie s." "H mph." I p ut th e ic e to m y h ead a gain . " W ell, m ayb e I 'll tr y to te ll h er. B efo re s h e g o es to th e Benefit a nd m ak es a b ig p in k fo ol a h ers e lf ." "Y ou g o in g th is y ear? " A ib ile en a sk s.
"If M is s H illy g o ne b e in th e s a m e r o om a s M is s C elia te llin g h er lie s a b out m e, I w ant a b e th ere .
Plu s S ugar w ants to m ak e a lit tle m oney fo r C hris tm as. B e g o od fo r h er to s ta rt le arn in g p arty se rv in g." "I b e th ere to o," s a ys A ib ile en. " M is s L eefo lt d one a sk ed m e th re e m onth s a go w ould I d o a la d y- fin ger c ak e fo r th e a uctio n." "T hat o ld b la nd th in g a gain ? W hy th em w hit e fo lk s lik e th e la d y-fin gers s o m uch? I c an m ak e a doze n c ak es ta ste b ette r 'n th at." "T hey th in k it b e r e al E uro pean." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I fe el b ad fo r M is s S keete r. I k no w s h e don't w ant a g o , b ut M is s H illy te ll h er if s h e d on't , s h e lo se h er o ffic er jo b." I d rin k d ow n th e r e st o f A ib ile en's g o od c o ffe e, w atc h th e s u n s in k . T he a ir tu rn s c o ole r th ro ugh th e win d ow .
"I g uess I g o t to g o ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'd r a th er s p end th e r e st o f m y lif e r ig ht h ere in A ib ile en's co zy lit tle k it c hen, h avin g h er e xp la in th e w orld to m e. T hat's w hat I lo ve a b out A ib ile en, s h e c an ta k e th e m ost c o m plic ate d th in gs in lif e a nd w ra p th em u p s o s m all a nd s im ple , th ey'll fit r ig ht in y o ur pock et.
"Y ou a nd th e k id s w ant a c o m e s ta y w it h m e?" "N o." I u nta ck th e b and age, s lip it b ack in m y p ock et. " I w ant h im to s e e m e," I s a y, s ta rin g d ow n a t my e m pty c o ffe e c up . " S ee w hat h e d one to h is w if e ." "C all m e o n th e p ho ne if h e g ets r o ugh. Y ou h ear m e?" "I d on't n eed n o p ho ne. Y ou'll h ear h im s c re am in g fo r m erc y a ll th e w ay o ver h ere ." TH E T H ER M OM ETER b y M is s C elia 's k it c hen w in d ow s in k s d ow n fr o m s e venty -n in e to s ix ty to fif ty -fiv e in le ss th an a n h o ur. A t la st, a c o ld fr o nt's m ovin g in , b rin gin g c o ol a ir fr o m C anad a o r Chic ago o r s o m ew here . I 'm p ic k in g th e la d y p eas fo r s to nes, th in k in g a b out h o w w e'r e b re ath in g th e sa m e a ir th o se C hic ago p eo ple b re ath ed tw o d ays a go . W ond erin g if , fo r n o g o od r e aso n I s ta rte d th in k in g a b out S ears a nd R oeb uck o r S hak e 'n B ak e, w ould it b e b ecause s o m e I llin o ia n h ad th o ught it tw o d ays a go . I t g ets m y m in d o ff m y tr o ub le s fo r a b out fiv e s e co nd s.
It to ok m e a fe w d ays, b ut I fin ally c am e u p w it h a p la n. I t's n o t a g o od o ne, b ut a t le ast it 's so m eth in g. I k no w th at e very m in ute I w ait is a c hance fo r M is s C elia to c all u p M is s H illy . I w ait to o lo ng a nd s h e'll s e e h er a t th e B enefit n ext w eek . I t m ak es m e s ic k th in k in g a b out M is s C elia r u nnin g up to th o se g ir ls lik e th ey'r e b est fr ie nd s, th e lo ok o n h er m ad e-u p fa ce w hen s h e h ears a b out m e.
This m orn in g, I s a w th e lis t b y M is s C elia 's b ed . O f w hat e ls e s h e n eed s to d o fo r th e B enefit : G et fin gern ails d one. G o to p anty -h o se s to re . G et tu xed o M artin iz e d a nd p re sse d . C all M is s H illy .
"M in ny, d oes th is n ew h air c o lo r lo ok c heap ?" I ju st lo ok a t h er.
"T om orro w I a m m arc hin g d ow n to F anny M ae's a nd g ettin g it r e -c o lo re d ." S he's s it tin g a t th e kit c hen ta b le a nd h o ld s u p a h and fu l o f s a m ple s tr ip s, s p la yed o ut lik e p la yin g c ard s. " W hat d o y o u th in k ? B utte rb atc h o r M arily n M onro e?" "W hy y o u d on't lik e y o u o w n n atu ra l c o lo r? " N ot th at I h ave a ny id ea w hat th at m ig ht b e. B ut it 's su re n o t th e b ra ss-b ell o r th e s ic k ly w hit e o n th o se c ard s in h er h and .
"I th in k th is B utte rb atc h is a lit tle m ore fe stiv e, fo r th e h o lid ays a nd a ll. D on't y o u?" "If y o u w ant y o ur h ead to lo ok lik e a B utte rb all tu rk ey." Mis s C elia g ig gle s. S he th in k s I 'm k id din g. " O h a nd I h ave to s h o w y o u th is n ew fin gern ail p olis h ." She s c ra m ble s in h er p urs e , fin d s a b ottle o f s o m eth in g s o p in k it lo oks lik e y o u c o uld e at it . S he opens th e b ottle a nd s ta rts p ain tin g o n h er n ails .
"P le ase , M is s C elia , d on't d o th at m ess o n th e ta b le , it d on't c o m e--" "L ook, is n 't it th e th in g? A nd I 'v e fo und tw o d re sse s to m atc h it ju st e xactly !" She s c o ots o ff a nd c o m es b ack h o ld in g tw o h o t p in k g o w ns, s m ilin g a ll o ver th em . T hey'r e lo ng to th e flo or, c o vere d in s p ark le s a nd s e q uin s, s lit s u p th e le g. B oth h ang b y s tr a p s th in a s c hic k enw ir e .
They a re g o in g to te ar h er u p a t th at p arty .
"W hic h o ne d o y o u lik e b ette r? " a sk s M is s C elia .
I p oin t to th e o ne w it h o ut th e lo w -c ut n eck lin e.
"O h, s e e n o w , I w ould 'v e c ho se n th is o th er o ne. L is te n to th e lit tle r a ttle it m ak es w hen I w alk ." S he sw is h es th e d re ss fr o m s id e to s id e.
I th in k a b out h er r a ttlin g a ro und th e p arty in th at th in g. W hate ver th e w hit e v ers io n o f a ju k e jo in t hussy is , th at's w hat th ey'll b e c allin g h er. S he w on't e ven k no w w hat's h ap penin g. S he'll ju st h ear th e his sin g.
"Y ou k no w , M is s C elia ," I s p eak k in d o f s lo w lik e it 's ju st n o w c o m in g to m e. " In ste ad a c allin g th em oth er la d ie s, m ayb e y o u s h o uld c all u p M is s S keete r P hela n. I h eard s h e r e al n ic e." I a sk ed M is s S keete r th is fa vo r a fe w d ays a go , to tr y a nd b e n ic e to M is s C elia , s te er h er a w ay fr o m th o se la d ie s. U p to n o w , I 'v e b een te llin g M is s S keete r n o t to d are c all M is s C elia b ack . B ut no w , it 's th e o nly o ptio n I h ave.
"I th in k y o u a nd M is s S keete r w ould g et a lo ng ju st fin e," I s a y a nd I c ra nk o ut a b ig s m ile .
"O h n o ." M is s C elia lo oks a t m e a ll w id e-e yed , h o ld in g u p th o se s a lo on-lo okin g g o w ns. " D on't y o u kno w ? T he L eague m em bers c an't sta nd S keete r P hela n a nym ore ." My h and s k nuck le in to fis ts . " Y ou e ver m et h er? " "O h, I h eard a ll a b out it a t F anny M ae's s e ttin g u nd er th e h eatin g h o od. T hey s a id s h e's th e b ig gest em barra ssm ent th is to w n's e ver s e en. S aid s h e w as th e o ne w ho p ut a ll th o se to ile ts o n H illy Holb ro ok's fr o nt y ard . R em em ber th at p ic tu re th at s h o w ed u p in th e p ap er a fe w m onth s a go ?" I g rin d m y te eth to geth er to k eep m y r e al w ord s in . " I sa id , h ave y o u e ver m et h er? " "W ell, n o . B ut if a ll th o se g ir ls d on't lik e h er, th en s h e m ust b e . . . w ell s h e . . ." H er w ord s tr a il o ff lik e it 's ju st h it tin g h er w hat s h e's s a yin g.
Sic k ed ness, d is g ust, d is b elie f- -it a ll w ra p s to geth er in m e lik e a h am r o ll. T o k eep m yse lf fr o m fin is h in g th at s e nte nce fo r h er, I tu rn to th e s in k . I d ry m y h and s to th e p oin t o f h urtin g. I k new s h e was s tu p id , b ut I n ever k new s h e w as a h yp ocrit e .
"M in ny?" M is s C elia s a ys b ehin d m e.
"M a'a m ." She k eep s h er v o ic e q uie t. B ut I h ear th e s h am e in it . " T hey d id n't e ven a sk m e in th e h o use . T hey mad e m e s ta nd o ut o n th e s te p s lik e a v acuum s a le sm an." I tu rn a ro und a nd h er e yes a re d ow n to th e flo or.
"W hy, M in ny?" s h e w his p ers .
What c an I s a y? Y our c lo th es, y o ur h air , y o ur b oobie s in th e s iz e -n o th in g s w eate rs . I r e m em ber what A ib ile en s a id a b out th e lin es a nd th e k in d ness. I r e m em ber w hat A ib ile en h eard a t M is s Leefo lt 's , o f w hy th e L eague la d ie s d on't lik e h er. I t s e em s lik e th e k in d est r e aso n I c an th in k o f.
"B ecause th ey k no w a b out y o u g ettin g p re gnant th at fir s t tim e. A nd it m ak es th em m ad y o u g ettin g kno ck ed u p a nd m arry in g o ne a th eir m ens." "T hey know a b out th at? " "A nd e sp ecia lly s in ce M is s H illy a nd M is te r J o hnny w ent s te ad y fo r s o lo ng." She ju st b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " J o hnny s a id h e u se d to d ate h er b ut . . . w as it r e ally fo r th at lo ng?" I s h ru g lik e I d on't k no w , b ut I d o. W hen I s ta rte d w ork in g a t M is s W alt e rs ' e ig ht y ears a go , a ll M is s Hilly ta lk ed a b out w as h o w s h e a nd J o hnny w ere g o in g to g et m arrie d s o m ed ay.
I s a y, " I r e ck on th ey b ro ke u p r ig ht a ro und th e tim e h e m et y o u." I'm w ait in g fo r it to h it h er, th at h er s o cia l lif e is d oom ed . T hat th ere 's n o s e nse in c allin g th e L eague la d ie s a nym ore . B ut M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e's d oin g h ig h m ath , th e w ay s h e's g o t h er b ro w sc ru nched u p . T hen h er fa ce s ta rts to c le ar lik e s h e's fig ure d s o m eth in g o ut.
"S o H illy . . . s h e p ro bab ly th in k s I w as fo olin g a ro und w it h J o hnny w hile th ey w ere s till g o in g s te ad y th en." "P ro bab ly . A nd fr o m w hat I h ear, M is s H illy s till s w eet o n h im . S he n ever g o t o ver h im ." I 'm th in k in g, a ny n o rm al p ers o n w ould a uto m atic ally fie o n a w om an b id in g fo r h er h usb and . B ut I fo rg o t Mis s C elia is n o t a n o rm al p ers o n.
"W ell, n o w ond er s h e c an't s ta nd m e!" s h e s a ys, g rin nin g w it h a ll s h e's g o t. " T hey d on't h ate me , th ey hate w hat th ey th in k I d id ." "W hat? T hey h ate y o u c ause th ey th in k y o u w hit e tr a sh !" "W ell, I 'm ju st g o in g to h ave to e xp la in it to H illy , le t h er k no w I a m n o t a b oyfr ie nd s te ale r. I n fa ct, I'll te ll H illy o n F rid ay n ig ht, w hen I s e e h er a t th e B enefit ." She's s m ilin g lik e s h e ju st d is c o vere d th e c ure fo r p olio , th e w ay s h e's w ork ed o ut a p la n to w in Mis s H illy o ver.
At th is p oin t, I a m to o tir e d to fig ht it .
On B EN EFIT F R ID AY, I w ork la te c le anin g th at h o use to p to b otto m . T hen I fr y u p a p la te o f p ork cho ps. T he w ay I fig ure it , th e s h in ie r th e flo ors , th e c le are r th e w in d ow panes, th e b ette r m y c hances are o f h avin g a jo b o n M ond ay. B ut th e s m arte st th in g I c an d o, if M is te r J o hnny's g o t a s a y in th is , is pla nt m y p ork c ho p in h is h and .
He's n o t s u p pose d to b e h o m e u ntil s ix to nig ht, s o a t fo ur- th ir ty I w ip e th e c o unte rs o ne la st tim e, th en h ead to th e b ack w here M is s C elia 's b een g ettin g r e ad y fo r th e p ast fo ur h o urs . I lik e to d o th eir b ed a nd b ath ro om la st s o it 's c le an fo r w hen M is te r J o hnny g ets h o m e.
"M is s C elia , n o w w hat is g o in g o n in h ere ?" I m ean, s h e's g o t s to ck in gs d anglin g fr o m c hair s , pock etb ooks o n th e flo or, e no ugh c o stu m e je w elr y fo r a w ho le fa m ily o f h o okers , fo rty -fiv e p air s o f hig h-h eel s h o es, u nd erth in gs, o verc o ats , p antie s, b ra ssie re s, a nd a h alf - e m pty b ottle o f w hit e w in e on th e c hif fo ro be w it h n o c o aste r u nd er it .
I s ta rt p ic k in g u p a ll h er s tu p id s ilk y th in gs a nd p ilin g th em o n th e c hair . T he le ast I c an d o is r u n th e Hoover.
"W hat tim e is it , M in ny?" M is s C elia s a ys fr o m th e b ath ro om . " J o hnny'll b e h o m e a t s ix , y o u k no w ." "A in 't e ven fiv e y et," I s a y, " b ut I g o t to g o s o on." I h ave to p ic k u p S ugar a nd g et u s to th e p arty b y six -th ir ty to s e rv e.
"O h M in ny, I 'm s o e xcit e d ." I h ear M is s C elia 's d re ss s w is h in g b ehin d m e. " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" I tu rn a ro und . " O h m y L ord ." I m ig ht a s w ell b e L it tle S te vie W ond er I a m s o b lin d ed b y th at d re ss.
Hot p in k a nd s ilv er s e q uin s g lit te r fr o m h er e xtr a -la rg e b oobie s a ll th e w ay to h er h o t p in k to es.
"M is s C elia ," I w his p er. " T uck y o urs e lf in fo re y o u lo se s o m eth in g." Mis s C elia s h im mie s th e d re ss u p . " Is n 't it g o rg eo us? A in 't it ju st th e p re ttie st th in g y o u'v e e ver s e en?
I fe el lik e I 'm a H olly w ood m ovie s ta r." She b ats h er fa k e-la sh ed e yes. S he is r o uged , p ain te d , a nd p la ste re d w it h m ak eup . T he B utte rb atc h hair d o is p oufe d u p a ro und h er h ead lik e a n E aste r b onnet. O ne le g p eek s o ut in a h ig h, th ig h-b arin g slit a nd I tu rn a w ay, to o e m barra sse d to lo ok. E very th in g a b out h er o oze s s e x, s e x, a nd m ore s e x.
"W here y o u g et th em fin gern ails ? " "A t th e B eauty B ox th is m orn in g. O h M in ny, I 'm s o n erv o us, I 'v e g o t b utte rflie s." She ta k es a h eavy s w ig fr o m h er w in egla ss, k in d o f te ete rs a lit tle in h er h ig h h eels .
"W hat y o u h ad to e at to day?" "N oth in g. I 'm to o n erv o us to e at. W hat a b out th ese e arrin gs? A re th ey d angly e no ugh?" "T ak e th at d re ss o ff, le t m e fix y o u s o m e b is c uit s r ig ht q uic k ." "O h n o , I c an't h ave m y s to m ach p okin g o ut. I c an't e at a nyth in g." I h ead fo r th e w in e b ottle o n th e g o zillio n-d olla r c hif fo ro be b ut M is s C elia g ets to it b efo re m e, dum ps th e r e st in to h er g la ss. S he h and s m e th e e m pty a nd s m ile s. I p ic k u p h er fu r c o at s h e's g o t to sse d o n th e flo or. S he's g ettin g p re tty u se d to h avin g a m aid .
I s a w th at d re ss fo ur d ays a go a nd I k new it lo oked h ussif ie d --o f c o urs e s h e h ad to p ic k th e o ne wit h th e lo w n eck lin e--b ut I h ad n o id ea w hat w ould h ap pen w hen s h e s tu ffe d h ers e lf in sid e it . S he's poppin g o ut lik e a c o rn c o b in C ris c o . W it h tw elv e B enefit s u nd er m y b elt , I 'v e h ard ly s e en s o m uch as a b are e lb ow th ere , m uch le ss b oso m s a nd s h o uld ers .
She g o es in th e b ath ro om a nd d ab s s o m e m ore r o uge o n h er g aud y c heek s.
"M is s C elia ," I s a y, a nd I c lo se m y e yes, p ra yin g fo r th e r ig ht w ord s. " T onig ht, w hen y o u s e e M is s Hilly . . ." She s m ile s in to th e m ir ro r. " I g o t it a ll p la nned . W hen J o hnny g o es to th e b ath ro om , I 'm ju st g o in g to te ll h er. T hat th ey w ere o ver w it h b y th e tim e m e a nd J o hnny s ta rte d g ettin g to geth er." I s ig h. " T hat a in 't w hat I m ean. I t's . . . s h e m ig ht s a y s o m e th in gs a b out . . . m e." "Y ou w ant m e to te ll H illy y o u s a id h i? " s h e s a ys, c o m in g o ut o f th e b ath ro om . " S in ce y o u w ork ed a ll th o se y ears fo r h er m am a?" I ju st s ta re a t h er in h er h o t p in k g etu p , s o fu ll o f w in e s h e's a lm ost c ro ss-e yed . S he b urp s u p a lit tle .
There r e ally is n 't a ny u se te llin g h er n o w , in th is s ta te .
"N o m a'a m . D on't te ll h er n o th in g." I s ig h.
She g iv es m e a h ug. " I'll s e e y o u to nig ht. I 'm s o g la d y o u'll b e th ere s o I 'll h ave s o m eb ody to ta lk to ." "I'll b e in th e k it c hen, M is s C elia ." "O h a nd I 'v e g o t to fin d th at lit tle d oo-h ic k ey p in . . ." S he te ete rs o ver to th e d re sse r, y ank s o ut a ll th e th in gs I ju st p ut a w ay.
Ju st s ta y h om e, f o ol, is w hat I w ant to s a y to h er, b ut I d on't . I t's to o la te . W it h M is s H illy a t th e helm , it is to o la te fo r M is s C elia , a nd L ord k no w s, it is to o la te fo r m e.
TH E B EN EFIT ch ap te r 2 5 T H E J A CK SO N J U N IO R L EA GUE A nnual B all a nd B enefit is k no w n s im ply a s " th e B enefit " to a nyo ne w ho liv es w it h in a te n-m ile r a d iu s o f to w n. A t s e ven o 'c lo ck o n a c o ol N ovem ber n ig ht, g uests w ill a rriv e a t th e R obert E . L ee H ote l b ar fo r th e c o ck ta il h o ur. A t e ig ht o 'c lo ck , th e d oors f r o m th e lo unge w ill o pen to th e b allr o om . S w ags o f g re en v elv et h ave b een h ung a ro und th e w in d ow s, a d orn ed w it h b ouq uets o f r e al h o lly b errie s.
A lo ng th e w in d ow s s ta nd ta b le s w it h a uctio n lis ts a nd th e p riz e s. T he g o ods h ave b een d onate d b y m em bers a nd lo cal s h o ps, a nd th e a uctio n is e xp ecte d to g enera te m ore th an s ix th o usa nd d olla rs t h is y ear, fiv e h und re d m ore d olla rs th an la st y ear. T he p ro ceed s w ill g o to th e P oor S ta rv in g C hild re n o f A fr ic a.
I n th e c ente r o f th e r o om , b eneath a g ig antic c hand elie r, tw enty -e ig ht ta b le s a re d re sse d a nd r e ad y f o r th e s it - d ow n d in ner to b e s e rv ed a t n in e. A d ance flo or a nd b and sta nd a re o ff to th e s id e, o pposit e th e p odiu m w here H illy H olb ro ok w ill g iv e h er s p eech.
A fte r th e d in ner, th ere w ill b e d ancin g. S om e o f th e h usb and s w ill g et d ru nk , b ut n ever th e m em ber w iv es. E very m em ber th ere c o nsid ers h ers e lf a h o ste ss a nd w ill b e h eard a sk in g o ne a no th er, " Is it g o in g a lr ig ht? H as H illy s a id a nyth in g?" E very o ne k no w s it is H illy 's n ig ht.
A t s e ven o n th e d ot, c o up le s b egin d rif tin g th ro ugh th e fr o nt d oors , h and in g th eir fu rs a nd o verc o ats t o th e c o lo re d m en in g ra y m orn in g s u it s . H illy , w ho 's b een th ere s in ce s ix o 'c lo ck s h arp , w ears a l o ng ta ffe ta m aro on-c o lo re d d re ss. R uffle s c lu tc h a t h er th ro at, s w ath es o f m ate ria l h id e h er b ody.
T ig ht- fit te d s le eves r u n a ll th e w ay d ow n h er a rm s. T he o nly g enuin e p arts o f H illy y o u c an s e e a re h er fin gers a nd h er fa ce.
S om e w om en w ear s lig htly s a ucie r e venin g g o w ns, w it h b are s h o uld ers h ere a nd th ere , b ut lo ng k id - l e ath er g lo ves e nsu re th ey d on't h ave m ore th an a fe w in ches o f e p id erm is e xp ose d . O f c o urs e , e very y ear s o m e g uest w ill s h o w u p w it h a h in t o f le g o r a s h ad ow o f c le avage. N ot m uch is s a id , t h o ugh. T hey a re n't m em bers , th o se k in d .
C elia F oote a nd J o hnny a rriv e la te r th an th ey'd p la nned , a t s e ven tw enty -fiv e. W hen J o hnny c am e h o m e fr o m w ork , h e s to pped in th e d oorw ay o f th e b ed ro om , s q uin te d a t h is w if e , b rie fc ase s till in h is h and . " C elia , y o u th in k th at d re ss m ig ht b e a lit tle b it to o . . . u m . . . o pen a t th e to p?" C elia h ad p ush ed h im to w ard th e b ath ro om . " O h J o hnny, y o u m en d on't k no w th e fir s t th in g a b out f a sh io n. N ow h urry u p a nd g et r e ad y." J o hnny g ave u p b efo re h e e ven tr ie d to c hange C elia 's m in d . T hey w ere a lr e ad y la te a s it w as.
T hey w alk in b ehin d D octo r a nd M is su s B all. T he B alls s te p le ft, J o hnny s te p s r ig ht, a nd fo r a m om ent, it is ju st C elia , s ta nd in g u nd er th e h o lly b errie s in h er s p ark lin g h o t p in k g o w n.
I n th e lo unge, th e a ir s e em s to s till. H usb and s d rin k in g th eir w his k eys s to p in m id -sip , s p ottin g th is p in k th in g a t th e d oor. I t ta k es a s e co nd fo r th e im age to r e gis te r. T hey s ta re , b ut d on't s e e, n o t y et.
B ut a s it tu rn s r e al- -re al s k in , r e al c le avage, p erh ap s n o t- so -re al b lo nd h air - -th eir fa ces s lo w ly lig ht u p . T hey a ll s e em to b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g-- Fin ally ... B ut th en, fe elin g th e fin gern ails o f th eir wiv es, a ls o s ta rin g, d ig gin g in to th eir a rm s, th eir fo re head s w rin k le . T heir e yes h in t r e m ors e , a s marria ges a re s c o rn ed ( s h e n ever le ts m e d o a nyth in g fu n), y o uth is r e m em bere d ( w hy d id n't I g o to Calif o rn ia th at s u m mer? ), fir s t lo ves a re r e calle d ( R oxanne . . .) . A ll o f th is h ap pens in a s p an o f ab out fiv e s e co nd s a nd th en it is o ver a nd th ey a re le ft ju st s ta rin g.
Willia m H olb ro ok tip s h alf h is g in m artin i o nto a p air o f p ate nt- le ath er s h o es. T he s h o es a re a tta ched to th e fe et o f h is b ig gest c am paig n c o ntr ib uto r.
"O h, C la ib orn e, fo rg iv e m y c lu m sy h usb and ," s a ys H illy . " W illia m , g et h im a h and kerc hie f! " B ut neit h er m an m oves. N eit h er, fr a nk ly , r e ally c are s to d o m ore th an ju st s ta re .
Hilly 's e yes fo llo w th e tr a il o f g aze s a nd fin ally la nd o n C elia . T he in ch o f s k in s h o w in g o n H illy 's neck g ro w s ta ut.
"L ook a t th e c hest o n th at o ne," a n o ld g eeze r s a ys. " F eel lik e I 'm n o t a y ear o ver s e venty -fiv e lo okin g a t th o se th in gs." The g eeze r's w if e , E le ano r C ausw ell, a n o rig in al fo und er o f th e L eague, fr o w ns. " B oso m s," s h e anno unces, w it h a h and to h er o w n, " a re fo r b ed ro om s a nd b re astfe ed in g. N ot fo r o ccasio ns w it h dig nit y ." "W ell, w hat d o y o u w ant h er to d o, E le ano r? L eave th em a t h o m e?" "I want h er to c o ver. T hem . U p." Celia g ra b s fo r J o hnny's a rm a s th ey m ak e th eir w ay in to th e r o om . S he te ete rs a b it a s s h e w alk s, but it 's n o t c le ar if it 's fr o m a lc o ho l o r th e h ig h h eels . T hey d rif t a ro und , ta lk in g to o th er c o up le s. O r at le ast J o hnny ta lk s; C elia ju st s m ile s. A fe w tim es s h e b lu sh es, lo oks d ow n a t h ers e lf . " J o hnny, d o yo u th in k I m ig ht'v e o verd re sse d a lit tle fo r th is th in g? T he in vit a tio n s a id fo rm al, b ut th ese g ir ls h ere all lo ok lik e th ey'r e d re sse d fo r c hurc h." Jo hnny g iv es h er a s y m path etic s m ile . H e'd n ever te ll h er " I to ld y o u s o ," a nd in ste ad w his p ers , " Y ou lo ok g o rg eo us. B ut if y o u'r e c o ld , y o u c an p ut m y ja ck et o n." "I c an't w ear a m an's ja ck et w it h a b all g o w n." S he r o lls h er e yes a t h im , s ig hs. " B ut th ank s, h o ney." Jo hnny s q ueeze s h er h and , g ets h er a no th er d rin k fr o m th e b ar, h er fif th , a lt h o ugh h e d oesn 't k no w th is . " T ry a nd m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s. I 'll b e r ig ht b ack ." H e h ead s fo r th e m en's r o om .
Celia is le ft s ta nd in g a lo ne. S he tu gs a lit tle a t th e n eck lin e o f h er d re ss, s h im mie s d ow n d eep er in to th e w ais t.
". . . t h ere 's a h ole in t h e b uck -e t d ea r L iz a , d ea r L iz a . . ." C elia s in gs a n o ld c o unty fa ir s o ng so ftly to h ers e lf , ta p pin g h er fo ot, lo okin g a ro und th e r o om fo r s o m eb ody s h e r e co gniz e s. S he s ta nd s on tip to e a nd w aves o ver th e c ro w d. " H ey H illy , y o o-h o o." Hilly lo oks u p fr o m h er c o nvers a tio n a fe w c o up le s a w ay. S he s m ile s, g iv es a w ave, b ut a s C elia co m es to w ard h er, H illy h ead s o ff in to th e c ro w d.
Celia s to ps w here s h e is , ta k es a no th er s ip o f h er d rin k . A ll a ro und h er, tig ht lit tle g ro up s h ave fo rm ed , ta lk in g a nd la ughin g, s h e g uesse s, a b out a ll th o se th in gs p eo ple ta lk a nd la ugh a b out a t partie s.
"O h, h ey th ere , J u lia ," C elia c alls . T hey'd m et a t o ne o f th e fe w p artie s C elia a nd J o hnny a tte nd ed when th ey fir s t g o t m arrie d .
Ju lia F enw ay s m ile s, g la nces a ro und .
"It's C elia . C elia F oote . H ow a re y o u? O h, I ju st lo ve th at d re ss. W here 'd y o u g et th at? O ver a t th e Je w el T aylo r S ho ppe?" "N o, W arre n a nd I w ere in N ew O rle ans a fe w m onth s a go . . ." J u lia lo oks a ro und , b ut th ere is n o one n ear e no ugh to s a ve h er. " A nd y o u lo ok v ery ... g la m oro us to nig ht." Celia le ans c lo se r. " W ell, I a sk ed J o hnny, b ut y o u k no w h o w m en a re . D o y o u th in k I 'm a ta d overd re sse d ?" Ju lia la ughs, b ut n o t o nce d oes s h e lo ok C elia in th e e ye. " O h n o . Y ou'r e ju st perfe ct ." A fe llo w L eaguer s q ueeze s J u lia o n th e fo re arm . " J u lia , w e n eed y o u o ver h ere a s e co nd , e xcuse u s." They w alk a w ay, h ead s le aned c lo se to geth er, a nd C elia is a lo ne a gain .
Fiv e m in ute s la te r, th e d oors to th e d in in g r o om s lid e o pen. T he c ro w d m oves fo rw ard . G uests fin d th eir ta b le s u sin g th e tin y c ard s in th eir h and s a s o ohs a nd a ahs c o m e fr o m th e b id din g ta b le s a lo ng th e w alls . T hey a re fu ll o f s ilv er p ie ces a nd h and -se w n d aygo w ns fo r in fa nts , c o tto n h and kerc hie fs , mono gra m med h and to w els , a c hild 's te a s e t im porte d fr o m G erm any.
Min ny is a t a ta b le in th e b ack p olis h in g g la sse s. " A ib ile en," s h e w his p ers . " T here s h e is ." Aib ile en lo oks u p , s p ots th e w om an w ho k no ck ed o n M is s L eefo lt 's d oor a m onth a go . " L ad ie s bette r h o ld o n to th ey h usb and s to nig ht," s h e s a ys.
Min ny je rk s th e c lo th a ro und th e r im o f a g la ss. " L et m e k no w if y o u s e e h er ta lk in g to M is s H illy ." "I w ill. I b een d oin g a s u p er p ow er p ra yer fo r y o u a ll d ay." "L ook, th ere M is s W alt e rs . O ld b at. A nd th ere M is s S keete r." Skeete r h as o n a lo ng-sle eved b la ck v elv et d re ss, s c o oped a t th e n eck , s e ttin g o ff h er b lo nd h air , h er re d lip stic k . S he h as c o m e a lo ne a nd s ta nd s in a p ock et o f e m ptin ess. S he s c ans th e r o om , lo okin g bore d , th en s p ots A ib ile en a nd M in ny. T hey a ll lo ok a w ay a t o nce.
One o f th e o th er c o lo re d h elp ers , C la ra , m oves to th eir ta b le , p ic k s u p a g la ss. " A ib ile en," s h e whis p ers , b ut k eep s h er e yes o n h er p olis h in g. " T hat th e o ne?" "O ne w hat? " "O ne w ho ta k in g d ow n th e s to rie s b out th e c o lo re d h elp . W hat s h e d oin g it fo r? W hy s h e in te re ste d ? I h ear s h e b een c o m in g o ver to y o ur h o use e ver w eek ." Aib ile en lo w ers h er c hin . " N ow lo ok, w e g o t to k eep h er a s e cre t." Min ny lo oks a w ay. N o o ne o uts id e th e g ro up k no w s s h e's p art o f th is . T hey o nly k no w a b out Aib ile en.
Cla ra n o ds. " D on't w orry , I a in 't te llin g n o body n o th in g." Skeete r jo ts a fe w w ord s o n h er p ad , n o te s fo r th e n ew sle tte r a rtic le a b out th e B enefit . S he lo oks aro und th e r o om , ta k in g in th e s w ags o f g re en, th e h o lly b errie s, r e d r o se s a nd d rie d m agno lia le aves se t a s c ente rp ie ces o n a ll th e ta b le s. T hen h er e yes la nd o n E liz a b eth , a fe w fe et a w ay, tic k in g th ro ugh h er h and bag. S he lo oks e xhauste d , h avin g h ad h er b ab y o nly a m onth a go . S keete r w atc hes as C elia F oote a p pro aches E liz a b eth . W hen E liz a b eth lo oks u p a nd s e es w ho s h e's b een s u rro und ed by, s h e c o ughs, d ra w s h er h and u p to h er th ro at a s if s h e's s h ie ld in g h ers e lf fr o m s o m e k in d o f atta ck .
"N ot s u re w hic h w ay to tu rn , E liz a b eth ?" a sk s S keete r.
"W hat? O h, S keete r, h o w a re y o u?" E liz a b eth o ffe rs a q uic k , w id e s m ile . " I w as . . . fe elin g s o w arm in h ere . I th in k I n eed s o m e fr e sh a ir ." Skeete r w atc hes E liz a b eth r u sh a w ay, a t C elia F oote r a ttlin g a fte r E liz a b eth in h er a w fu l d re ss.
That's t h e r e a l s to ry, S keete r th in k s.
Not t h e f lo w er a rra ngem en ts o r h ow m any p le a ts a re aro und t h e r e a r e n d o f H illy 's d re ss. T his y ea r, it 's a ll a bout T he C elia F oote F ash io n Cata stro phe.
Mom ents la te r, d in ner is a nno unced a nd e very o ne s e ttle s in to th eir a ssig ned s e ats . C elia a nd J o hnny have b een s e ate d w it h a h and fu l o f o ut- o f- to w n c o up le s, fr ie nd s o f fr ie nd s w ho a re n't r e ally fr ie nd s of a nyo ne a t a ll. S keete r is s e ate d w it h a fe w lo cal c o up le s, n o t P re sid ent H illy o r e ven S ecre ta ry Eliz a b eth th is y ear. T he r o om is fu ll o f c hatte r, p ra is e fo r th e p arty , p ra is e fo r th e C hate aub ria nd .
Afte r th e m ain c o urs e , H illy s ta nd s b ehin d th e p odiu m . T here is a r o und o f a p pla use a nd s h e s m ile s at th e c ro w d.
"G ood e venin g. I s u re d o th ank y 'a ll fo r c o m in g to nig ht. E very b ody e njo yin g th eir d in ner? " There a re n o ds a nd r u m ble s o f c o nse nt.
"B efo re w e s ta rt th e a nno uncem ents , I 'd lik e to g o a head a nd th ank th e p eo ple w ho a re m ak in g to nig ht s u ch a s u ccess." W it h o ut tu rn in g h er h ead fr o m th e a ud ie nce, H illy g estu re s to h er le ft, w here tw o d oze n c o lo re d w om en h ave lin ed u p , d re sse d in th eir w hit e u nif o rm s. A d oze n c o lo re d m en a re behin d th em , in g ra y-a nd -w hit e tu xed os.
"L et's g iv e a s p ecia l r o und o f a p pla use to th e h elp , fo r a ll th e w ond erfu l fo od th ey c o oked a nd se rv ed , a nd fo r th e d esse rts th ey m ad e fo r th e a uctio n." H ere , H illy p ic k s u p a c ard a nd r e ad s, " In th eir o w n w ay, th ey a re h elp in g th e L eague r e ach it s g o al to fe ed th e P oor S ta rv in g C hild re n o f Afr ic a, a c ause , I 'm s u re , d ear to th eir o w n h earts a s w ell. " The w hit e p eo ple a t th e ta b le s c la p fo r th e m aid s a nd s e rv ers . S om e o f th e s e rv ers s m ile b ack . Many, th o ugh, s ta re a t th e e m pty a ir ju st a b ove th e c ro w d's h ead s.
"N ext w e'd lik e to th ank th o se n o nm em bers in th is r o om w ho h ave g iv en th eir tim e a nd h elp , fo r it 's yo u w ho m ad e o ur jo b th at m uch e asie r." There is lig ht a p pla use , s o m e c o ld s m ile s a nd n o ds b etw een m em bers a nd n o nm em bers .
Such a pit y , th e m em bers s e em to b e th in k in g.
Such a s h am e y o u g ir ls h aven 't t h e g en tilit y t o j o in o ur clu b.
H illy g o es o n, th ank in g a nd r e co gniz in g in a m usic al, p atr io tic v o ic e. C offe e is s e rv ed a nd th e husb and s d rin k th eir s , b ut m ost o f th e w om en k eep r a p t a tte ntio n o n H illy . " . . . th ank s to B oone Hard w are . . . le t u s n o t fo rg et B en F ra nk lin 's d im e s to re . . ." S he c o nclu d es th e lis t w it h , " A nd o f co urs e w e th ank o ur a no nym ous c o ntr ib uto r o f, a hem , su pplie s , fo r th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n In it ia tiv e." A fe w p eo ple la ugh n erv o usly , b ut m ost tu rn th eir h ead s to s e e if S keete r h as h ad th e g all to s h o w up .
"I ju st w is h in ste ad o f b ein g s o s h y, y o u'd s te p u p a nd a ccep t o ur g ra tit u d e. W e h o nestly c o uld n't have a cco m plis h ed s o m any in sta lla tio ns w it h o ut y o u." Skeete r k eep s h er e yes o n th e p odiu m , h er fa ce s to ic a nd u nyie ld in g. H illy g iv es a q uic k , b rillia nt sm ile . " A nd fin ally , a s p ecia l th ank s to m y h usb and , W illia m H olb ro ok, fo r d onatin g a w eek end a t h is deer c am p." S he s m ile s d ow n a t h er h usb and , a d ds in a lo w er to ne, " A nd d on't fo rg et, v o te rs .
Holb ro ok fo r S ta te S enate ." The g uests o ffe r a n a m ic ab le la ugh a t H illy 's p lu g.
"W hat's th at, V ir g in ia ?" H illy c up s h er e ar, th en s tr a ig hte ns. " N o, I 'm n o t r u nnin g w it h h im . B ut co ngre ssm en w it h u s to nig ht, if y o u d on't s tr a ig hte n th is th in g o ut w it h th e s e p ara te s c ho ols , d on't th in k I w on't c o m e d ow n th ere a nd d o it m yse lf ." There is m ore la ughte r a t th is . S enato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth , s e ate d a t a ta b le in th e fr o nt, n o d a nd sm ile . A t h er ta b le in th e b ack , S keete r lo oks d ow n a t h er la p . T hey s p oke e arlie r, d urin g th e co ck ta il h o ur. M is su s W hit w orth s te ere d th e S enato r a w ay fr o m S keete r b efo re h e c o uld g iv e h er a se co nd h ug. S tu art d id n't c o m e.
Once th e d in ner a nd th e s p eech h ave e nd ed , p eo ple g et u p to d ance, h usb and s h ead fo r th e b ar.
There is a s c urry to th e a uctio n ta b le s fo r la st- m in ute b id s. T w o g ra nd m oth ers a re in a b id din g w ar over th e c hild 's a ntiq ue te a s e t. S om eo ne s ta rte d th e r u m or th at it h ad b elo nged to r o yalt y a nd h ad been s m uggle d o ut v ia d onk ey c art a cro ss G erm any u ntil it e ventu ally w ound u p in th e M agno lia Antiq ue S to re o n F air v ie w S tr e et. T he p ric e s h o t u p fr o m fif te en d olla rs to e ig hty -fiv e in n o tim e.
In th e c o rn er b y th e b ar, J o hnny y aw ns. C elia 's b ro w is s c ru nched to geth er. " I c an't b elie ve w hat s h e sa id a b out n o nm em bers h elp in g. S he to ld m e th ey d id n't n eed a ny h elp th is y ear." "W ell, y o u c an h elp o ut n ext y ear," J o hnny s a ys.
Celia s p ots H illy . F or th e m om ent, H illy h as o nly a fe w p eo ple a ro und h er.
"J o hnny, I 'll b e r ig ht b ack ," C elia s a ys. "A nd th en le t's g et th e h ell o ut o f h ere . I 'm s ic k o f th is m onk ey s u it ." Ric hard C ro ss, w ho 's a m em ber o f J o hnny's d uck c am p, s la p s J o hnny's b ack . T hey s a y s o m eth in g, th en la ugh. T heir g aze s s w eep a cro ss th e c ro w d.
Celia a lm ost m ak es it to H illy th is tim e, o nly to h ave H illy s lip b ehin d th e p odiu m ta b le . C elia b ack s aw ay, a s if s h e's a fr a id to a p pro ach H illy w here s h e'd s e em ed s o p ow erfu l a fe w m in ute s a go .
As s o on a s C elia d is a p pears in to th e la d ie s r o om , H illy h ead s fo r th e c o rn er.
"W hy J o hnny F oote ," H illy s a ys. " I'm s u rp ris e d to s e e y o u h ere . E very b ody k no w s y o u c an't s ta nd big p artie s lik e th is ." S he s q ueeze s th e c ro ok o f h is a rm .
Jo hnny s ig hs. " Y ou a re a w are th at d oe s e aso n o pens to m orro w ?" Hilly g iv es h im a n a ub urn -lip stic k ed s m ile . T he c o lo r m atc hes h er d re ss s o p erfe ctly , it m ust h ave been s e arc hed o ut fo r d ays.
"I a m s o tir e d o f h earin g th at fr o m e very b ody. Y ou c an m is s o ne d ay o f h untin g s e aso n, J o hnny Foote . Y ou u se d to fo r m e." Jo hnny r o lls h is e yes. " C elia w ould n't h ave m is se d th is fo r a nyth in g." "W here is th at w if e o f y o urs ? " s h e a sk s. H illy 's s till g o t h er h and tu ck ed in th e c ro ok o f J o hnny's a rm and s h e g iv es it a no th er p ull. " N ot a t th e L SU g am e s e rv in g h o t d ogs, is s h e?" Jo hnny fr o w ns d ow n a t h er, e ven th o ugh it 's tr u e, th at's h o w th ey m et.
"O h, n o w y o u k no w I 'm ju st te asin g y o u. W e d ate d lo ng e no ugh to w here I c an d o th at, c an't I ? " Befo re J o hnny c an a nsw er, H illy 's s h o uld er is ta p ped a nd s h e g lid es o ver to th e n ext c o up le , la ughin g. J o hnny s ig hs w hen h e s e es C elia h ead ed to w ard h im . " G ood," h e s a ys to R ic hard , " w e c an go h o m e. I 'm g ettin g u p in ," h e lo oks a t h is w atc h, " fiv e h o urs ." Ric hard k eep s h is e yes lo ck ed o n C elia a s s h e s tr id es to w ard th em . S he s to ps a nd b end s d ow n to re tr ie ve h er d ro pped n ap kin , o ffe rin g a g enero us v ie w o f h er b oso m s. " G oin g fr o m H illy to C elia must'v e b een q uit e th e c hange, J o hnny." Jo hnny s h ak es h is h ead . " L ik e liv in g in A nta rc tic a a ll m y lif e a nd o ne d ay m ovin g to H aw aii. " Ric hard la ughs. " L ik e g o in g to b ed in s e m in ary a nd w ak in g u p a t O le M is s," R ic hard s a ys, a nd th ey both la ugh.
Then R ic hard a d ds in a lo w er v o ic e, " L ik e a k id e atin g ic e c re am fo r th e v ery fir s t tim e." Jo hnny g iv es h im a lo ok. " T hat's m y w if e y o u'r e ta lk in g a b out." "S orry , J o hnny," R ic hard s a ys, lo w erin g h is e yes. " N o h arm m eant." Celia w alk s u p , s ig hs w it h a d is a p poin te d s m ile .
"H ey C elia , h o w a re y o u?" R ic hard s a ys. " Y ou s u re a re lo okin g n ic e to nig ht." "T hank s, R ic hard ." C elia le ts o ut a lo ud h ic cup a nd s h e fr o w ns, c o vers h er m outh w it h a tis su e.
"Y ou g ettin g tip sy ?" a sk s J o hnny.
"S he's ju st h avin g fu n, a re n't y o u, C elia ?" R ic hard s a ys. " In fa ct, I 'm fix in g to g et y o u a d rin k y o u'r e go nna lo ve. I t's c alle d a n A la b am a S la m mer." Jo hnny r o lls h is e yes a t h is fr ie nd . " A nd th en w e'r e g o in g h o m e." T hre e A la b am a S la m mers la te r, th e win ners o f th e s ile nt a uctio n a re a nno unced . S usie P ern ell s ta nd s b ehin d th e p odiu m w hile p eo ple mill a b out d rin k in g o r s m okin g a t th e ta b le s, d ancin g to G le nn M ille r a nd F ra nk ie V alli s o ngs, ta lk in g over th e d in o f th e m ic ro pho ne. A s n am es a re r e ad , it e m s a re r e ceiv ed w it h th e e xcit e m ent o f so m eo ne w in nin g a r e al c o nte st, a s if th e b ooty w ere fr e e a nd n o t p aid fo r a t th re e, fo ur, o r fiv e tim es th e s to re v alu e. T ab le clo th s a nd n ig htg o w ns w it h th e la ce ta tte d b y h and b rin g in h ig h b id s. O dd ste rlin g s e rv ers a re p opula r, fo r s p oonin g o ut d evile d e ggs, r e m ovin g p im ento s fr o m o liv es, c ra ck in g quail le gs. T hen th ere a re th e d esse rts : c ak es, s la b s o f p ra lin es, d iv in it y fu d ge. A nd o f c o urs e , Min ny's p ie .
" . . . a nd th e w in ner o f M in ny J a ck so n's w orld -fa m ous c ho co la te c usta rd p ie is . . . H illy H olb ro ok!" There is a lit tle m ore a p pla use fo r th is o ne, n o t ju st b ecause M in ny's k no w n fo r h er tr e ats , b ut because th e n am e Hilly e lic it s a p pla use o n a ny o ccasio n.
Hilly tu rn s fr o m h er c o nvers a tio n. " W hat? W as th at m y n am e? I d id n't b id o n a nyth in g." She n ev er d oes, S keete r th in k s, s it tin g a lo ne, a ta b le a w ay.
"H illy , y o u ju st w on M in ny J a ck so n's p ie ! C ongra tu la tio ns," s a ys th e w om an to h er le ft.
Hilly s c ans th e r o om , e yes n arro w ed .
Min ny, h avin g h eard h er n am e c alle d in th e s a m e s e nte nce a s H illy 's , is s u d denly v ery a le rt. S he is ho ld in g a d ir ty c o ffe e c up in o ne h and , a h eavy s ilv er tr a y in th e o th er. B ut s h e s ta nd s s to ck -still.
Hilly s p ots h er, b ut d oesn 't m ove e it h er, ju st s m ile s v ery s lig htly . " W ell. W asn 't th at s w eet? S om eo ne must'v e s ig ned m e u p fo r th at p ie ." She d oesn 't ta k e h er e yes o ff M in ny a nd M in ny c an fe el it . S he s ta ck s th e r e st o f th e c up s o n th e tr a y, a nd h ead s fo r th e k it c hen a s fa st a s s h e c an.
"W hy c o ngra tu la tio ns, H illy . I d id n't k no w y o u w ere s u ch a fa n o f M in ny's p ie s!" C elia 's v o ic e is sh rill. S he's c o m e u p fr o m b ehin d w it h o ut H illy n o tic in g. A s s h e tr o ts to w ard H illy , C elia s tu m ble s over a c hair le g. T here a re s id elin e g ig gle s.
Hilly s ta nd s v ery s till, w atc hin g h er a p pro ach. " C elia , is th is s o m e k in d o f jo ke?" Skeete r m oves in c lo se r to o. S he's b ore d to d eath b y th is p re d ic ta b le e venin g. T ir e d o f s e ein g em barra sse d fa ces o f o ld fr ie nd s to o s c are d to c o m e a nd s p eak to h er. C elia 's th e o nly in te re stin g th in g to h ap pen a ll n ig ht.
"H illy ," C elia s a ys, g ra sp in g H illy 's a rm , " I'v e b een tr y in g to ta lk to y o u a ll n ig ht. I th in k th ere 's b een so m e k in d o f m is c o m munic atio n b etw een u s a nd I ju st th in k if I ex pla in ed . . ." "W hat h ave y o u d one? L et m e g o --" H illy s a ys b etw een g rit te d te eth . S he s h ak es h er h ead , tr ie s to walk o ff.
But C elia c lu tc hes H illy 's lo ng s le eve. " N o, w ait ! H ang o n, y o u g o t to lis te n--" Hilly p ulls a w ay, b ut s till C elia d oesn 't le t g o . T here 's a m om ent o f d ete rm in atio n b etw een th em -- Hilly tr y in g to e sc ap e, C elia h o ld in g o n, a nd th en a r ip pin g s o und c uts th ro ugh th e a ir .
Celia s ta re s a t th e r e d m ate ria l in h er fin gers . S he's to rn th e a ub urn c uff c le ar o ff H illy 's a rm .
Hilly lo oks d ow n, to uches h er e xp ose d w ris t. " W hat a re y o u tr y in g to d o to m e?" s h e s a ys in a lo w gro w l. " D id th at N ig ra m aid p ut y o u u p to th is ? B ecause w hate ver s h e to ld y o u a nd w hate ver y o u'v e bla b bed to a nyo ne e ls e h ere --" Severa l m ore p eo ple h ave g ath ere d a ro und th em , lis te nin g, a ll lo okin g a t H illy w it h fr o w ns o f co ncern .
"B la b bed ? I d on't k no w w hat y o u--" Hilly g ra b s C elia 's a rm . " Who d id y o u te ll? " s h e s n arls .
"M in ny to ld m e. I k no w w hy y o u d on't w ant to b e fr ie nd s w it h m e." S usie P ern ell's v o ic e o ver th e mic ro pho ne a nno uncin g th e w in ners g ro w s lo ud er, fo rc in g C elia to r a is e h er o w n v o ic e. " I k no w y o u th in k m e a nd J o hnny w ent b ehin d y o ur b ack ," s h e y ells , a nd th ere is la ughte r fr o m th e fr o nt o f th e ro om o ver s o m e c o m ment, a nd m ore a p pla use . J u st a s S usie P ern ell p ause s o ver th e m ic ro pho ne to lo ok a t h er n o te s, C elia y ells , " - -b ut I g o t p re gnant afte r y o u b ro ke u p ." T he r o om e cho es w it h th e word s. A ll is s ile nt fo r a fe w lo ng s e co nd s.
The w om en a ro und th em w rin k le th eir n o se s, s o m e s ta rt to la ugh. " J o hnny's w if e is d-r -u -n -k ," so m eo ne s a ys.
Celia lo oks a ro und h er. S he w ip es a t th e s w eat th at's b ead in g o n h er m ak eup ed fo re head . " I d on't bla m e y o u fo r n o t lik in g m e, n o t if y o u th o ught J o hnny c heate d o n y o u w it h m e." "J o hnny n ever w ould 'v e--" "- -a nd I 'm s o rry I s a id th at, I th o ught y o u'd b e tic k le d y o u w on th at p ie ." Hilly b end s o ver, s n atc hes h er p earl b utto n fr o m th e flo or. S he le ans c lo se r to C elia s o n o o ne e ls e can h ear. " Y ou te ll y o ur N ig ra m aid if s h e te lls a nyb ody a b out th at p ie , I w ill m ak e h er s u ffe r. Y ou th in k y o u'r e r e al c ute s ig nin g m e u p fo r th at a uctio n, d on't y o u? W hat, y o u th in k y o u c an b la ck m ail yo ur w ay in to th e L eague?" "W hat? " "Y ou te ll m e r ig ht th is min ute w ho e ls e y o u'v e to ld a b --" "I d id n't te ll n o body n o th in g a b out a p ie , I - -" "Y ou lia r ," H illy s a ys, b ut s h e s tr a ig hte ns q uic k ly a nd s m ile s. " T here 's J o hnny. J o hnny, I th in k y o ur wif e n eed s y o ur atte n tio n ." H illy fla sh es h er e yes a t th e g ir ls a ro und th em , a s if th ey'r e a ll in o n a jo ke.
"C elia , w hat's w ro ng?" J o hnny s a ys.
Celia s c o w ls a t h im , th en s c o w ls a t H illy . " S he's n o t m ak in g s e nse , s h e c alle d m e a --a lia r, a nd n o w sh e's a ccusin g m e o f s ig nin g h er n am e o n th at p ie a nd . . ." C elia s to ps, lo oks a ro und lik e s h e re co gniz e s n o o ne a ro und h er. S he h as te ars in h er e yes. T hen s h e g ro ans a nd c o nvuls e s. V om it sp la tte rs o nto th e c arp et.
"O h s h it ! " J o hnny s a ys, p ullin g h er b ack .
Celia p ush es J o hnny's a rm o ff h er. S he r u ns fo r th e b ath ro om a nd h e fo llo w s h er.
Hilly 's h and s a re in fis ts . H er fa ce is c rim so n, n early th e c o lo r o f h er d re ss. S he m arc hes o ver a nd gra b s a w ait e r's a rm . " G et th at c le aned u p b efo re it s ta rts to s m ell. " And th en H illy is s u rro und ed b y w om en, fa ces u p tu rn ed , a sk in g q uestio ns, a rm s o ut lik e th ey a re tr y in g to p ro te ct h er.
"I h eard C elia 's b een b attlin g w it h d rin k in g, b ut th is p ro ble m w it h ly in g n o w ?" H illy te lls o ne o f th e Susie s. I t's a r u m or s h e'd in te nd ed to s p re ad a b out M in ny, in c ase th e p ie s to ry e ver g o t o ut. " W hat do th ey c all th at? " "A c o m puls iv e lia r? " "T hat's it , a c o m puls iv e lia r." H illy w alk s o ff w it h th e w om en. " C elia tr a p ped h im in to th at m arria ge, te llin g h im s h e w as p re gnant. I g uess s h e w as a c o m puls iv e lia r e ven b ack th en." Afte r C elia a nd J o hnny le ave, th e p arty w in d s d ow n q uic k ly . M em ber w iv es lo ok e xhauste d a nd tir e d o f s m ilin g. T here is ta lk o f th e a uctio n, o f b ab ysit te rs to g et h o m e to , b ut m ostly o f C elia F oote re tc hin g in th e m id dle o f it a ll.
When th e r o om is n early e m pty , a t m id nig ht, H illy s ta nd s a t th e p odiu m . S he flip s th ro ugh th e s h eets of s ile nt b id s. H er lip s m ove a s s h e c alc ula te s. B ut s h e k eep s lo okin g o ff, s h ak in g h er h ead . T hen s h e lo oks b ack d ow n a nd c urs e s b ecause s h e h as to s ta rt a ll o ver a gain .
"H illy , I 'm h ead ed o n b ack to y o ur h o use ." Hilly lo oks u p fr o m ta lly in g. I t is h er m oth er, M is su s W alt e rs , lo okin g e ven fr a ile r th an u su al in h er fo rm alw ear. S he w ears a flo or- le ngth g o w n, s k y b lu e a nd b ead ed , fr o m 1 943. A w hit e o rc hid w ilt s at h er c la vic le . A c o lo re d w om an in a w hit e u nif o rm is a tta ched to h er s id e.
"N ow , M am a, d on't y o u g et in th at r e fr ig era to r to nig ht. I w on't h ave y o u k eep in g m e u p a ll n ig ht w it h yo ur in d ig estio n. Y ou g o r ig ht to b ed , y o u h ear? " "I c an't e ven h ave s o m e o f M in ny's p ie ?" Hilly n arro w s h er e yes a t h er m oth er. " T hat pie is in th e g arb age." "W ell, w hy'd y o u th ro w it o ut? I w on it ju st fo r y o u." Hilly is s till a m om ent, le ttin g th is s in k in . " Yo u?
Y ou s ig ned m e u p ?" "I m ay n o t r e m em ber m y n am e o r w hat c o untr y I liv e in , b ut y o u a nd th at p ie is s o m eth in g I w ill never fo rg et." "Y ou--y o u o ld , u se le ss . . ." H illy th ro w s d ow n th e p ap ers s h e's h o ld in g, s c atte rin g th em e very w here .
Mis su s W alt e rs tu rn s a nd h o bble s to w ard th e d oor, th e c o lo re d n urs e in to w . " W ell, c all th e p ap ers , Bessie ," s h e s a ys. " M y d aughte r's m ad a t m e a gain ." MIN NY ch ap te r 2 6 O N S ATU RD AY M ORN IN G, I g et u p tir e d a nd s o re . I w alk in th e k it c hen w here S ugar's c o untin g o ut h er n in e d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents , th e m oney s h e e arn ed a t th e B enefit la st n ig ht. T he p ho ne r in gs a nd S ugar's o n it q uic k er th an a g re ase fir e . S ugar's g o t a b oyfr ie nd a nd s h e d oesn 't w ant h er m am a t o k no w .
" Y essir ," S ugar w his p ers a nd h and s m e th e p ho ne.
" H ello ?" I s a y.
" It's J o hnny F oote ," h e s a ys. " I'm u p a t d eer c am p b ut I ju st w ant y o u to k no w , C elia 's r e al u p se t.
S he h ad a r o ugh tim e a t th e p arty la st n ig ht." " Y essir , I k no w ." " Y ou h eard , th en, h uh?" H e s ig hs. " W ell, k eep a n e ye o n h er n ext w eek , w ill y o u, M in ny? I 'll b e g o ne a nd --I d on't k no w . J u st c all m e if s h e d oesn 't p erk u p . I 'll c o m e h o m e e arly if I n eed to ." " I lo ok a fte r h er. S he g o ne b e a lr ig ht." I d id n't s e e m yse lf w hat h ap pened a t th e p arty , b ut I h eard a b out it w hile I w as d oin g d is h es in th e k it c hen. A ll th e s e rv ers w ere ta lk in g a b out it .
" Y ou s e e th at? " F arin a s a id to m e. " T hat b ig p in k la d y y o u w ork fo r, d ru nk a s a I n ju n o n p ayd ay." I lo oked u p fr o m m y s in k a nd s a w S ugar h ead ed s tr a ig ht fo r m e w it h h er h and u p o n h er h ip . " Y eah, M am a, s h e u p chuck a ll o ver th e flo or. A nd ev erb ody a t th e w ho le p arty s e e!" T hen S ugar tu rn ed a ro und , la ughin g w it h th e o th ers . S he d id n't s e e th e whap c o m in g a t h er. S oap su d s fle w th ro ugh th e a ir .
" Y ou s h ut y o ur m outh , S ugar." I y ank ed h er to th e c o rn er. " D on't y o u n ever le t m e h ear y o u ta lk in g b ad a b out th e la d y w ho p ut fo od in y o ur m outh , c lo th es o n y o ur b ack ! Y ou h ear m e?" S ugar, s h e n o dded a nd I w ent b ack to m y d is h es, b ut I h eard h er m utte rin g. " Yo u d o it , a ll th e tim e.
" I w hip ped a ro und a nd p ut m y fin ger in h er fa ce. " I g o t a r ig ht to . I e arn it e very d ay w ork in g fo r th at c ra zy fo ol. " W HEN I G ET T O W ORK o n M ond ay, M is s C elia 's s till la id u p in b ed w it h h er fa ce b urie d u nd er t h e s h eets .
" M orn in g, M is s C elia ." But s h e ju st r o lls o ver a nd w on't lo ok a t m e.
At lu nchtim e, I ta k e a tr a y o f h am s a nd w ic hes to th e b ed .
"I'm n o t h ungry ," s h e s a ys a nd th ro w s th e p illo w o ver h er h ead .
I s ta nd th ere lo okin g a t h er, a ll m um mif ie d in th e s h eets .
"W hat y o u g o ne d o, ju st la y th ere a ll d ay?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I 'v e s e en h er d o it p le nty o f tim es befo re . B ut th is is d if fe re nt. T here 's n o g o o o n h er s k in o r s m ile o n h er fa ce.
"P le ase , ju st le ave m e a lo ne." I s ta rt to te ll h er s h e n eed s to ju st g et u p , p ut o n h er ta ck y c lo th es, a nd fo rg et a b out it , b ut th e w ay sh e's la yin g th ere s o p it if u l a nd p oor, I k eep q uie t. I a m n o t h er p sy chia tr is t a nd s h e's n o t p ayin g m e to b e o ne.
On T uesd ay m orn in g, M is s C elia 's s till in th e b ed . Y este rd ay's lu nch tr a y's o n th e flo or w it h o ut a sin gle b it e m is sin g. S he's s till in th at r a tty b lu e n ig htg o w n th at lo oks le ft o ver fr o m h er T unic a C ounty days, th e g in gham r u ffle to rn a t th e n eck . S om eth in g th at lo oks lik e c harc o al s ta in s o n th e fr o nt.
"C om e o n, le m me g et to th em s h eets . S ho w b out to c o m e o n a nd M is s J u lia g o ne b e in tr o ub le . Y ou ain 't g o ne b elie ve w hat th at fo ol d one y este rd ay w it h D octo r B ig m outh ." But s h e ju st la ys th ere .
Late r o n, I b rin g h er a tr a y o f c hic k en p ot p ie . E ven th o ugh w hat I r e ally w ant to d o is te ll M is s C elia to p ull h ers e lf to geth er a nd g o in th e k it c hen a nd e at p ro per.
"N ow , M is s C elia , I k no w it w as te rrib le w hat h ap pened a t th e B enefit . B ut y o u c an't s e t in h ere fo re ver fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Mis s C elia g ets u p a nd lo ck s h ers e lf in th e b ath ro om .
I s ta rt s tr ip pin g th e b ed . W hen I 'm d one, I p ic k u p a ll th e w et tis su es a nd g la sse s o ff th e n ig hts ta nd . I se e a s ta ck o f m ail. A t le ast th e w om an's g o tte n u p to g o to th e m ailb ox. I p ic k it u p to w ip e th e ta b le a nd th ere I s e e th e le tte rs H W H a cro ss th e to p o f a c ard . B efo re I k no w it , I 'v e r e ad th e who le n o te :
Dea r C elia , In lie u o f r e im bursin g m e f o r m y d re ss y o u t o re , w e a t t h e L ea gue w ould g la dly r e ceiv e a donatio n o f n o le ss t h an t w o h undre d d olla rs. F urth erm ore , p le a se w it h hold f ro m volu nte erin g f o r a ny n onm em ber a ctiv it ie s in t h e f u tu re , a s y o ur n am e h as b een p la ced o n a pro batio nary lis t. Y o ur c o opera tio n in t h is m atte r is a ppre cia te d .
Do k in dly m ake t h e c h eck o ut t o t h e J a ck so n L ea gue C hapte r.
Sin cere ly , Hilly H olb ro ok Pre sid en t a nd C hair m an o f A ppro pria tio ns ON W ED N ESD AY M ORN IN G, M is s C elia 's still u nd er th e c o vers . I d o m y w ork in th e k it c hen, tr y to a p pre cia te th e fa ct th at s h e's n o t h angin g a ro und w it h m e in h ere . B ut I c an't e njo y it b ecause th e p ho ne's b een r in gin g a ll m orn in g, a nd fo r th e fir s t tim e s in ce I s ta rte d , M is s C elia w on't p ic k it u p .
Afte r th e te nth tim e, I c an't lis te n to it a nym ore a nd fin ally ju st g ra b it a nd s a y h ello .
I g o in h er b ed ro om , te ll h er, " M is te r J o hnny o n th e p ho ne." "W hat? H e's n o t s u p pose d to k no w th at I k no w th at h e k no w s a b out y o u." I le t o ut a b ig s ig h to s h o w I d on't g iv e a fa t r a t a b out th at lie a nym ore . " H e c alle d m e a t hom e.
T he jig is u p , M is s C elia ." Mis s C elia s h uts h er e yes. " T ell h im I 'm a sle ep ." I p ic k u p th e b ed ro om lin e a nd lo ok M is s C elia h ard in th e e ye a nd te ll h im s h e's in th e s h o w er.
"Y essir , s h e d oin g a lr ig ht," I s a y a nd n arro w m y e yes a t h er.
I h ang u p th e p ho ne a nd g la re d ow n a t M is s C elia .
"H e w ant to k no w h o w y o u d oin g." "I h eard ." "I lie d fo r y o u, y o u k no w ." She p uts th e p illo w b ack o ver h er h ead .
By th e n ext a fte rn o on, I c an't s ta nd it a no th er m in ute . M is s C elia 's s till in th e s a m e s p ot s h e's b een a ll week . H er fa ce is th in a nd th at B utte rb atc h is g re asy -lo okin g. T he r o om is s ta rtin g to s m ell to o, lik e dir ty p eo ple . I b et s h e h asn 't b ath ed s in ce F rid ay.
"M is s C elia ," I s a y.
Mis s C elia lo oks a t m e, b ut d oesn 't s m ile , d oesn 't s p eak .
"M is te r J o hnny g o ne b e h o m e to nig ht a nd I to ld h im I 'd lo ok a fte r y o u. W hat's h e g o ne th in k if h e fin d y o u la id u p in th at o ld n asty n ig htth in g y o u g o t o n?" I h ear M is s C elia s n if fle , th en h ic cup , th en s ta rt to c ry fu ll- o n. " N one o f th is w ould 'v e h ap pened if I 'd ju st s ta yed w here I b elo nged . H e s h o uld 'v e m arrie d p ro per. H e s h o uld 'v e m arrie d . . .
Hilly .
" "C om e o n, M is s C elia . I t a in 't - -" "T he w ay H illy lo oked a t m e . . . lik e I w as noth in g.
L ik e I w as tr a sh o n th e s id e o f th e r o ad ." "B ut M is s H illy d on't c o unt. Y ou c an't ju d ge y o urs e lf b y th e w ay th at w om an s e e y o u." "I'm n o t r ig ht fo r th is k in d o f lif e . I d on't n eed a d in ner ta b le fo r tw elv e p eo ple to s it a t. I c o uld n't g et tw elv e p eo ple to c o m e o ver if I b egged ." I s h ak e m y h ead a t h er. C om pla in in g a gain c ause s h e h as to o m uch.
"W hy d oes s h e h ate m e s o m uch? S he d oesn 't e ven k no w m e," M is s C elia c rie s. " A nd it 's n o t ju st Jo hnny, s h e c alle d m e a lia r, a ccuse d m e o f g ettin g h er th at . . .
pie .
" S he b angs h er fis ts a gain st h er knees. " I nev er w ould a th ro w n u p if it w asn 't fo r th at." "W hat p ie ?" "H -H -H illy w on y o ur p ie . A nd s h e a ccuse d m e o f s ig nin g h er u p fo r it . P la yin g s o m e . . . tr ic k o n her." S he w ails a nd s o bs. " W hy w ould I d o th at? W rit e h er n am e d ow n o n a lis t? " It c o m es to m e r e al s lo w w hat's g o in g o n h ere . I d on't k no w w ho s ig ned u p H illy fo r th at p ie , b ut I su re know w hy s h e'd e at a liv e a nyb ody s h e th o ught d id it .
I g la nce o ver a t th e d oor. T hat v o ic e in m y h ead s a ys, Walk a w ay, M in ny. J u st e a se o n o ut a h ere .
But I lo ok a t M is s C elia b aw lin g in to h er o ld n ig htg o w n, a nd I g et a g uilt th ic k a s Y azo o c la y.
"I c an't d o th is to J o hnny a nym ore . I 'v e a lr e ad y d ecid ed , M in ny. I 'm g o in g b ack ," s h e s o bs. " B ack to Sugar D it c h." "Y ou g o ne le ave y o ur h usb and ju st c ause y o u th ro w ed u p a t s o m e p arty ?" Hang o n, I th in k , m y eyes o penin g w id e. M is s C elia c an't le ave M is te r J o hnny--w here in th e h eck w ould th at le ave m e?
Mis s C elia c rie s d ow n h ard er a t th e r e m in d er. I s ig h a nd w atc h h er, w ond erin g w hat to d o.
Lord , I r e ck on it 's tim e. T im e I to ld h er th e o ne th in g in th e w orld I n ever w ant to te ll a nyb ody. I 'm go in g to lo se m y jo b e it h er w ay, s o I m ig ht a s w ell ta k e th e c hance.
"M is s C elia . . ." I s a y a nd I s it d ow n in th e y ello w a rm chair in th e c o rn er. I 'v e n ever s a t a nyw here in th is h o use b ut in th e k it c hen a nd h er b ath ro om flo or, b ut to day c alls fo r e xtr e m e m easu re s.
"I k no w w hy M is s H illy g o t s o m ad ," I s a y. " A bout th e p ie , I m ean." Mis s C elia b lo w s a h ard , lo ud h o nk in to a tis su e. S he lo oks a t m e.
"I d id s o m eth in g to h er. I t w as T errib le . A w fu l. " M y h eart s ta rts th um pin g ju st th in k in g a b out it . I re aliz e I c an't s it in th is c hair a nd te ll h er th is s to ry a t th e s a m e tim e. I g et u p a nd w alk to th e e nd o f th e b ed . "W hat? " s h e s n if fs . " W hat h ap pened , M in ny?" "M is s H illy , s h e c all m e u p a t h o m e la st y ear, w hen I 's s till w ork in g fo r M is s W alt e rs . T o te ll m e s h e se nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t s c are d , I g o t fiv e k id s to fe ed . L ero y w as a lr e ad y work in g tw o s h if ts ." I fe el a b urn r is e u p in m y c hest. " N ow I k no w w hat I d id w asn 't C hris tia n. B ut w hat k in d a p ers o n se nd h er o w n m am a to th e h o m e to ta k e u p w it h s tr a ngers ? T hey's s o m eth in g b out d oin g w ro ng to th at w om an th at m ak e it ju st s e em rig ht.
" Mis s C elia s it s u p in b ed , w ip es h er n o se . S he lo oks lik e s h e's p ayin g a tte ntio n n o w .
"F or th re e w eek s, I b e lo okin g fo r w ork . E ver d ay a fte r I g et o ff fr o m M is s W alt e rs ', I w ent lo okin g.
I g o o ver to M is s C hild 's h o use . S he p ass m e u p . I g o o n to th e R aw le ys' p la ce, th ey d on't w ant m e neit h er. T he R ic hes, th e P atr ic k S m it h s, th e W alk ers , n o t e ven th o se C ath o lic T hib odeaux w it h th em se ven k id s. N obody d o." "O h M in ny . . ." s a ys M is s C elia . " T hat's a w fu l. " I c le nch m y ja w . " E ver s in ce I w as a li'l g ir l, m y m am a te ll m e n o t to g o s a ss-m outh in g. B ut I d id n't lis te n a nd I g o t k no w ed fo r m y m outh r o und to w n. A nd I fig ure th at's w hat it b e, w hy n o body w ant to h ir e m e.
"W hen th ey w as tw o d ays le ft a t M is s W alt e rs 's a nd I s till d id n't h ave n o n ew jo b, I s ta rt g ettin g r e al sc are d . W it h B enny's a sth m a a nd S ugar s till in s c ho ol a nd K in d ra a nd . . . w e w as tig ht o n m oney alr e ad y. A nd th at's w hen M is s H illy , s h e c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs 's to ta lk to m e.
"S he s a y, 'C om e w ork fo r m e, M in ny. I p ay y o u tw enty -fiv e m ore c ent a d ay th an M am a d id .' A 'd anglin g c arro t' s h e c all it , lik e I w as s o m e k in d a p lo w m ule ." I fe el m y fis ts fo rm in g. " L ik e I 'd e ven co nsid er b eatin g m y fr ie nd Y ule M ay C ro okle o ut a h er jo b. M is s H illy th in k e verb ody ju st a s tw o- fa ced a s s h e is ." I w ip e m y h and a cro ss m y fa ce. I 'm s w eatin g. M is s C elia 's lis te nin g w it h h er m outh o pen, lo okin g daze d .
"I te ll h er 'N o th ank y o u, M is s H illy .' A nd s o s h e s a y s h e p ay m e fif ty c ent m ore a nd I s a y, 'N o ma'a m . N o th ank y o u.' T hen s h e b re ak m y b ack , M is s C elia . S he te ll m e s h e k no w b out th e C hild s and th e R aw le ys a nd a ll th em o th ers th at tu rn m e d ow n. S aid it w as c ause s h e'd m ad e s u re everb ody k new I w as a th ie f. I 'v e n ever s to le a th in g in m y lif e b ut s h e to ld e verb ody I d id a nd wasn 't n o body in to w n g o ne h ir e a s a ss-m outh in g th ie vin g N ig ra fo r a m aid a nd I m ig ht a s w ell g o head a nd w ork fo r h er fo r fr e e.
"A nd th at's h o w c o m e I d id it ." Mis s C elia b lin k s a t m e. " W hat, M in ny?" "I te ll h er to e at m y s h it ." Mis s C elia s it s th ere , s till lo okin g d aze d .
"T hen I g o h o m e. I m ix u p th at c ho co la te c usta rd p ie . I p uts s u gar in it a nd B ak er's c ho co la te a nd th e r e al v anilla m y c o usin b rin g m e fr o m M exic o .
"I to te it o ver to M is s W alt e rs 's h o use , w here I k no w M is s H illy b e s e ttin g r o und , w ait in g fo r th e ho m e to c o m e a nd g et h er m am a, s o s h e c an s e ll th at h o use . G o th ro ugh h er s ilv er. C olle ct h er d ue.
"S oon a s I p ut th at p ie d ow n o n th e c o unte rto p, M is s H illy s m ile s, th in k in g it 's a p eace o ffe rin g, lik e th at's m y w ay a s h o w in g h er I 'm r e al s o rry b out w hat I s a id . A nd th en I w atc h h er. I w atc h h er e at it myse lf . T w o b ig p ie ces. S he s tu ff it in h er m outh lik e s h e a in 't e ver e ate n n o th in g s o g o od. T hen s h e sa y, 'I k new y o u'd c hange y o ur m in d , M in ny. I k new I 'd g et m y w ay in th e e nd .' A nd s h e la ugh, k in d a p ris sy, lik e it w as a ll r e al fu nny to h er.
"T hat's w hen M is s W alt e rs , s h e s a y s h e g ettin g a m it e h ungry to o a nd a sk fo r a p ie ce a th at p ie . I te ll her, 'N o m a'a m . T hat o ne's s p ecia l fo r M is s H illy .' "M is s H illy s a y, 'M am a c an h ave s o m e if s h e w ants . J u st a lit tle p ie ce, th o ugh. W hat d o y o u p ut in here , M in ny, th at m ak es it ta ste s o g o od?' "I s a y 'T hat g o od v anilla fr o m M exic o ' a nd th en I g o h ead . I te ll h er w hat e ls e I p ut in th at p ie fo r her." Mis s C elia 's s till a s a s to ne s ta rin g a t m e, b ut I c an't m eet h er e yes n o w .
"M is s W alt e rs , h er m outh fa ll o pen. N obody in th at k it c hen s a id a nyth in g fo r s o lo ng, I c o uld a m ad e it o ut th e d oor fo re th ey k new I 's g o ne. B ut th en M is s W alt e rs s ta rt la ughin g. L augh s o h ard s h e alm ost fa ll o ut th e c hair . S ay, 'W ell, H illy , th at's w hat y o u g et, I g uess. A nd I w ould n't g o ta ttlin g o n Min ny e it h er, o r y o u'll b e k no w n a ll o ver to w n a s th e la d y w ho a te tw o s lic es o f M in ny's s h it .' " I s n eak a lo ok u p a t M is s C elia . S he's s ta rin g w id e-e yed , d is g uste d . I s ta rt to p anic th at I to ld h er th is . S he'll n ever tr u st m e a gain . I w alk o ver to th e y ello w c hair a nd s it m yse lf d ow n.
"M is s H illy th o ught y o u k new th e s to ry . T hat y o u w ere m ak in g fu n a h er. S he n ever w ould a pounced o n y o u if I h ad n't d one w hat I d id ." Mis s C elia ju st s ta re s a t m e.
"B ut I w ant y o u to k no w , if y o u le ave M is te r J o hnny, th en M is s H illy d one w on th e w ho le b all g am e.
Then s h e d one b eat m e, s h e b eat y o u . . . " I s h ak e m y h ead , th in k in g a b out Y ule M ay in ja il, a nd Mis s S keete r w it h o ut a ny fr ie nd s le ft. " T here a in 't m any p eo ple le ft in th is to w n th at s h e a in 't b eat." Mis s C elia 's q uie t a w hile . T hen s h e lo oks o ver a t m e a nd s ta rts to s a y s o m eth in g, b ut s h e s h uts h er mouth b ack .
Fin ally , s h e ju st s a ys, " T hank y o u. F or . . . te llin g m e th at." She la ys b ack d ow n. B ut b efo re I c lo se th e d oor, I c an s e e h er e yes a re w id e s m ack o pen.
TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, I fin d M is s C elia 's fin ally m anaged to g et h ers e lf o ut o f b ed , w ash h er hair , a nd p ut a ll th at m ak eup o n a gain . I t's c o ld o uts id e s o s h e's b ack in o ne o f h er tig ht s w eate rs .
"G la d to h ave M is te r J o hnny b ack h o m e?" I a sk . N ot th at I c are , b ut w hat I d o w ant to k no w is if sh e's s till fid dlin g w it h th e id ea o f le avin g.
But M is s C elia d oesn 't s a y m uch. T here 's a tir e d ness in h er e yes. S he's n o t s o q uic k to s m ile a t every lit tle th in g. S he p oin ts h er fin ger o ut th e k it c hen w in d ow . " I th in k I 'll p la nt a r o w o f r o se b ush es.
Alo ng th e b ack o f th e p ro perty ." "W hen th ey g o ne b lo om ?" "W e s h o uld s e e s o m eth in g b y n ext s p rin g." I ta k e th is a s a g o od s ig n, th at s h e's p la nnin g fo r th e fu tu re . I fig ure s o m eb ody r u nnin g o ff w ould n't go to th e tr o ub le to p la nt flo w ers th at w on't b lo om u ntil n ext y ear.
For th e r e st o f th e d ay, M is s C elia w ork s in th e flo w er g ard en, te nd in g to th e m um s. T he n ext morn in g I c o m e in a nd fin d M is s C elia a t th e k it c hen ta b le . S he's g o t th e n ew sp ap er o ut, b ut s h e's sta rin g o ut a t th at m im osa tr e e. I t's r a in y a nd c hilly o uts id e.
"M orn in g, M is s C elia ." "H ey, M in ny." M is s C elia ju st s it s , lo okin g o ut a t th at tr e e, fid dlin g w it h a p en in h er h and . I t's s ta rte d to r a in .
"W hat y o u w ant fo r lu nch to day? W e g o t a r o ast b eef o r s o m e a th is c hic k en p ie le ft o ver . . ." I le an in th e r e fr ig era to r. I 'v e g o t to m ak e a d ecis io n a b out L ero y, te ll h im h o w it is .
Eit h er y o u q uit bea tin g o n m e, o r I 'm g one. A nd I 'm n ot t a kin g t h e k id s e it h er.
W hic h a in 't tr u e, a b out th e k id s, but th at o ught to s c are h im m ore th an a nyth in g.
"I d on't w ant a nyth in g." M is s C elia s ta nd s u p , s lip s o ff o ne r e d h ig h h eel, th en th e o th er. S he str e tc hes h er b ack , s till s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th at tr e e. S he c ra ck s h er k nuck le s. A nd th en s h e walk s o ut th e b ack d oor.
I s e e h er o n th e o th er s id e o f th e g la ss a nd th en I s e e th e a xe. I g et a lit tle s p ooked b ecause n o body lik es to s e e a c ra zy la d y w it h a n a xe in h er h and . S he s w in gs it h ard th ro ugh th e a ir , lik e a b at. A pra ctic e c ho p.
"L ad y, y o u d one lo st it th is tim e." T he r a in is p ourin g d ow n a ll o ver M is s C elia , b ut s h e d oesn 't c are .
She s ta rts c ho ppin g a t th at tr e e. L eaves a re s p rin k lin g d ow n a ll o ver h er, s tic k in g in h er h air .
I s e t th e p la tte r o f r o ast b eef d ow n o n th e k it c hen ta b le a nd w atc h, h o pin g th is d oesn 't tu rn in to so m eth in g. S he b unches h er m outh u p , w ip es th e r a in fr o m h er e yes. I n ste ad o f g ettin g tir e d , e very cho p c o m es a lit tle h ard er.
"M is s C elia , c o m e o n o ut th e r a in ," I h o lle r. " L et M is te r J o hnny d o th at w hen h e g et h o m e." But s h e's n o th in g d oin g. S he's m ad e it h alf w ay th ro ugh th at tr u nk a nd th e tr e e's s ta rtin g to s w ay a lit tle , d ru nk a s m y d ad dy. F in ally I ju st p lo p d ow n in th e c hair w here M is s C elia w as r e ad in g, w ait fo r h er to fin is h th e jo b. I s h ak e m y h ead a nd lo ok d ow n a t th e n ew sp ap er. T hat's w hen I s e e M is s Hilly 's n o te tu ck ed u nd ern eath it a nd M is s C elia 's c heck fo r tw o h und re d d olla rs . I lo ok a lit tle clo se r. A lo ng th e b otto m o f th e c heck , in th e lit tle s p ace fo r th e n o te s, M is s C elia 's w rit te n th e w ord s in p re tty c urs iv e h and w rit in g:
For T w o-S lic e H illy .
I h ear a g ro an a nd s e e th e tr e e c ra sh to th e g ro und . L eaves a nd d ead fr o nd s fly th ro ugh th e a ir , stic k in g a ll o ver h er B utte rb atc h.
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 2 7 I S TA RE A T T H E P H O NE in th e k it c hen. N o o ne's c alle d h ere in s o lo ng, it 's lik e a d ead th in g m ounte d to th e w all. T here 's a te rrib le q uie t lo om in g e very w here --a t th e lib ra ry , a t th e d ru gsto re w here I p ic k u p M oth er's m ed ic in e, o n H ig h S tr e et w here I b uy ty p ew rit e r in k , in o ur o w n h o use .
P re sid ent K enned y's a ssa ssin atio n, le ss th an tw o w eek s a go , h as s tr u ck th e w orld d um b. I t's lik e n o o ne w ants to b e th e fir s t to b re ak th e s ile nce. N oth in g s e em s im porta nt e no ugh.
O n th e r a re o ccasio n th at th e p ho ne d oes r in g la te ly , it 's D octo r N eal, c allin g w it h m ore b ad te st r e su lt s , o r a r e la tiv e c heck in g o n M oth er. A nd y et, I s till th in k Stu art s o m etim es, e ven th o ugh it 's b een fiv e m onth s s in ce h e's c alle d . E ven th o ugh I fin ally b ro ke d ow n a nd to ld M oth er w e'd b ro ken u p . M oth er lo oked s h o ck ed , a s I s u sp ecte d s h e w ould , b ut th ank fu lly , ju st s ig hed .
I ta k e a d eep b re ath , d ia l z e ro , a nd c lo se m yse lf u p in th e p antr y . I te ll th e lo cal o pera to r th e lo ng d is ta nce n um ber a nd w ait .
" H arp er a nd R ow , P ub lis h ers , h o w m ay I c o nnect y o u?" " E la in e S te in 's o ffic e, p le ase ." I w ait fo r h er s e cre ta ry to c o m e o n th e lin e, w is h in g I 'd d one th is e arlie r. B ut it fe lt w ro ng to c all th e w eek o f K enned y's d eath a nd I h eard o n th e n ew s m ost o ffic es w ere c lo se d . T hen it w as T hank sg iv in g w eek a nd w hen I c alle d , th e s w it c hb oard to ld m e n o o ne w as a nsw erin g in h er o ffic e a t a ll, s o n o w I 'm c allin g m ore th an a w eek la te r th an I 'd p la nned .
" E la in e S te in ." I b lin k , s u rp ris e d it 's n o t h er s e cre ta ry . " M is su s S te in , I 'm s o rry , th is is --E ugenia P hela n. I n J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " " Y es . . . E ugenia ." S he s ig hs, e vid ently ir rit a te d th at s h e to ok th e c hance to a nsw er h er o w n p ho ne.
" I w as c allin g to le t y o u k no w th at th e m anusc rip t w ill b e r e ad y r ig ht a fte r th e n ew y ear. I 'll b e m ailin g i t to y o u th e s e co nd w eek o f J a nuary ." I s m ile , h avin g d eliv ere d m y r e hears e d lin es p erfe ctly .
T here is s ile nce, e xcep t fo r a n e xhale o f c ig are tte s m oke. I s h if t o n th e flo ur c an. " I'm . . . th e o ne w rit in g a b out th e c o lo re d w om en? I n M is sis sip pi? " " Y es, I r e m em ber," s h e s a ys, b ut I c an't te ll if s h e r e ally d oes. B ut th en s h e s a ys, " Y ou'r e th e o ne w ho a p plie d fo r th e s e nio r p osit io n. H ow is th at p ro je ct g o in g?" " It's a lm ost fin is h ed . W e ju st h ave tw o m ore in te rv ie w s to c o m ple te a nd I w as w ond erin g if I s h o uld s e nd it d ir e ctly to y o ur a tte ntio n o r to y o ur s e cre ta ry ." " O h n o , J a nuary is n o t a ccep ta b le ." " E ugenia ? A re y o u in th e h o use ?" I h ear M oth er c all.
I c o ver th e p ho ne. " J u st a m in ute , M am a," I c all b ack , k no w in g if I d on't , s h e'll b arg e in h ere . "T he la st e d it o r's m eetin g o f th e y ear is o n D ecem ber tw enty -fir s t," M is su s S te in c o ntin ues. " If y o u want a c hance a t g ettin g th is r e ad , I 'v e g o t to h ave it in m y h and s b y th en. O th erw is e it g o es in T he Pile . Y ou d on't w ant to b e in T he P ile , M is s P hela n." "B ut . . . y o u to ld m e J a nuary . . ." T oday is D ecem ber s e co nd . T hat o nly g iv es m e n in ete en d ays to fin is h th e e ntir e th in g.
"D ecem ber tw enty -fir s t is w hen e very o ne le aves fo r v acatio n a nd th en in th e n ew y ear w e'r e d elu ged wit h p ro je cts fr o m o ur o w n lis t o f a uth o rs a nd jo urn alis ts . I f y o u'r e a n o body, a s y o u a re , M is s Phela n, b efo re th e tw enty -fir s t is y o ur w in d ow . Y our o nly w in d ow ." I s w allo w , " I d on't k no w if . . ." "B y th e w ay, w as th at y o ur m oth er y o u w ere s p eak in g to ? D o y o u s till liv e a t h o m e?" I tr y to th in k o f a lie --sh e's ju st v is it in g, s h e's s ic k , s h e's p assin g th ro ugh, b ecause I d o n o t w ant Mis su s S te in to k no w th at I 'v e d one n o th in g w it h m y lif e . B ut th en I s ig h. " Y es, I s till liv e a t h o m e." "A nd th e N egro w om an w ho r a is e d y o u, I 'm a ssu m in g s h e's s till th ere ?" "N o, s h e's g o ne." "M mm. T oo b ad . D o y o u k no w w hat h ap pened to h er? I t's ju st o ccurre d to m e, y o u'll n eed a se ctio n a b out y o ur o w n m aid ." I c lo se m y e yes, fig htin g fr u str a tio n. " I d on't . . . k no w , h o nestly ." "W ell, fin d o ut a nd d efin it e ly g et th at in . I t'll a d d s o m eth in g p ers o nal to a ll th is ." "Y es m a'a m ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I h ave n o id ea h o w I 'll fin is h tw o m aid s in tim e, m uch le ss w rit e sto rie s a b out C onsta ntin e. J u st th e th o ught o f w rit in g a b out h er m ak es m e w is h , d eep ly , th at s h e w as here n o w .
"G oodbye, M is s P hela n. I h o pe y o u m ak e th e d ead lin e," s h e s a ys, b ut b efo re s h e h angs u p , s h e mutte rs , " a nd fo r G od's s a k e, y o u'r e a tw enty -fo ur- y ear- o ld e d ucate d w om an. G o g et a n ap artm ent." I G ET O ff T H E P H O NE, s tu nned b y th e n ew s o f th e d ead lin e a nd M is su s S te in 's in sis te nce to g et Consta ntin e in th e b ook. I k no w I n eed to g et to w ork im med ia te ly , b ut I c heck o n M oth er in h er bed ro om . I n th e p ast th re e m onth s, h er u lc ers h ave g o tte n m uch w ors e . S he's lo st m ore w eig ht a nd can't g et th ro ugh tw o d ays w it h o ut v o m it in g. E ven D octo r N eal lo oked s u rp ris e d w hen I b ro ught h er in fo r h er a p poin tm ent la st w eek .
Moth er e yes m e u p a nd d ow n fr o m h er b ed . " D on't y o u h ave b rid ge c lu b to day?" "It's c ancele d . E liz a b eth 's b ab y is c o lic k y," I lie . S o m any lie s h ave b een to ld , th e r o om is th ic k w it h th em . " H ow a re y o u fe elin g?" I a sk . T he o ld w hit e e nam el b ow l is n ext to h er o n th e b ed . " H ave y o u been s ic k ?" "I'm fin e. D on't w rin k le y o ur fo re head lik e th at, E ugenia . I t's n o t g o od fo r y o ur c o m ple xio n." Moth er s till d oesn 't k no w th at I 'v e b een k ic k ed o ut o f b rid ge c lu b o r th at P ats y J o in er g o t a n ew te nnis p artn er. I d on't g et in vit e d to c o ck ta il p artie s o r b ab y s h o w ers a nym ore , o r a ny fu nctio ns where H illy w ill b e th ere . E xcep t th e L eague. A t m eetin gs, g ir ls a re s h o rt, to th e p oin t w it h m e w hen dis c ussin g n ew sle tte r b usin ess. I tr y to c o nvin ce m yse lf I d on't c are . I fix m yse lf a t m y ty p ew rit e r a nd don't le ave m ost d ays. I te ll m yse lf , th at's w hat y o u g et w hen y o u p ut th ir ty -o ne to ile ts o n th e m ost popula r g ir l's fr o nt y ard . P eo ple te nd to tr e at y o u a lit tle d if fe re ntly th an b efo re .
IT W as A LM OST F O UR M ONTH S a go th at th e d oor w as s e ale d s h ut b etw een H illy a nd m e, a door m ad e o f ic e s o th ic k it w ould ta k e a h und re d M is sis sip pi s u m mers to m elt it . I t's n o t a s if I had n't e xp ecte d c o nse q uences. I ju st h ad n't th o ught th ey'd la st s o lo ng.
Hilly 's v o ic e o ver th e p ho ne w as g ra velly s o und in g, lo w , lik e s h e'd b een y ellin g a ll m orn in g. " Y ou a re sic k ," s h e h is se d a t m e. " D o n o t s p eak to m e, d o n o t lo ok a t m e. D o n o t s a y h ello to m y c hild re n." "T echnic ally it w as a ty p o, H illy ," w as a ll I c o uld th in k to s a y.
"I a m g o in g o ver to S enato r W hit w orth 's h o use m yse lf a nd te llin g h im y o u, S keete r P hela n, w ill b e a blig ht o n h is c am paig n in W ash in gto n. A w art o n th e fa ce o f h is r e p uta tio n if S tu art e ver a sso cia te s wit h y o u a gain !" I c rin ged a t th e m entio n o f h is n am e, e ven th o ugh w e'd b een b ro ken u p fo r w eek s b y th en. I c o uld im agin e h im lo okin g a w ay, n o t c arin g w hat I d id a nym ore .
"Y ou tu rn ed m y y ard in to s o m e k in d o f a s id esh o w ," H illy 'd s a id . " J u st h o w lo ng h ave y o u b een pla nnin g to h um ilia te m y fa m ily ?" What H illy d id n't u nd ers ta nd w as, I h ad n't p la nned it a t a ll. W hen I s ta rte d ty p in g o ut h er b ath ro om in it ia tiv e fo r th e n ew sle tte r, ty p in g w ord s lik e dis e a se a nd pro te ct y o urse lf a nd yo u'r e w elc o m e!
, it was lik e s o m eth in g c ra ck ed o pen in sid e o f m e, n o t u nlik e a w ate rm elo n, c o ol a nd s o oth in g a nd sw eet. I a lw ays th o ught in sa nit y w ould b e a d ark , b it te r fe elin g, b ut it is d re nchin g a nd d elic io us if yo u r e ally r o ll a ro und in it . I 'd p aid P asc ago ula 's b ro th ers tw enty -fiv e d olla rs e ach to p ut th o se ju nk yard p ots o nto H illy 's la w n a nd th ey w ere s c are d , b ut w illin g to d o it . I r e m em ber h o w d ark th e nig ht h ad b een. I r e m em ber fe elin g lu ck y th at s o m e o ld b uild in g h ad b een g utte d a nd th ere w ere s o many to ile ts a t th e ju nk yard to c ho ose fr o m . T w ic e I 'v e d re am ed I w as b ack th ere d oin g it a gain . I don't r e gre t it , b ut I d on't fe el q uit e a s lu ck y a nym ore . "A nd y o u c all y o urs e lf a Chris tia n ," w ere H illy 's fin al w ord s to m e a nd I th o ught, God. W hen d id I ev er d o t h at?
This N ovem ber, S to ole y W hit w orth w on th e s e nato r's r a ce fo r W ash in gto n. B ut W illia m H olb ro ok lo st th e lo cal e le ctio n, to ta k e h is s ta te s e at. I 'm q uit e s u re H illy b la m es m e fo r th is to o. N ot to mentio n a ll th at w ork s h e'd p ut in to s e ttin g m e u p w it h S tu art w as fo r n o th in g.
A F EW H O URS a fte r ta lk in g to M is su s S te in o ver th e p ho ne, I tip to e b ack to c heck o n M oth er one la st tim e. D ad dy's a lr e ad y a sle ep b esid e h er. M oth er h as a g la ss o f m ilk o n th e ta b le . S he's pro pped u p o n h er p illo w s b ut h er e yes a re c lo se d . S he o pens th em a s I 'm p eek in g in .
"C an I g et y o u a nyth in g, M am a?" "I'm o nly r e stin g b ecause D octo r N eal to ld m e to . W here a re y o u g o in g, E ugenia ? I t's n early s e ven o'c lo ck ." "I'll b e b ack in a lit tle w hile . I 'm ju st g o in g fo r a d riv e." I g iv e h er a k is s, h o pin g s h e d oesn 't a sk a ny more q uestio ns. W hen I c lo se th e d oor, s h e's a lr e ad y fa lle n a sle ep .
I d riv e fa st th ro ugh to w n. I d re ad te llin g A ib ile en a b out th e n ew d ead lin e. T he o ld tr u ck r a ttle s a nd bangs in th e p oth o le s. I t's in fa st d eclin e a fte r a no th er h ard c o tto n s e aso n. M y h ead p ra ctic ally h it s th e c eilin g b ecause s o m eo ne's r e tie d th e s e at s p rin gs to o tig ht. I h ave to d riv e w it h th e w in d ow dow n, m y a rm h angin g o ut s o th e d oor w on't r a ttle . T he fr o nt w in d ow h as a n ew s m ash in it th e sh ap e o f a s u nse t.
I p ull u p to a lig ht o n S ta te S tr e et a cro ss fr o m th e p ap er c o m pany. W hen I lo ok o ver, th ere 's Eliz a b eth a nd M ae M oble y a nd R ale ig h a ll c ra m med in th e fr o nt s e at o f th eir w hit e C orv air , h ead ed ho m e fr o m s u p per s o m ew here , I g uess. I fr e eze , n o t d arin g to lo ok o ver a gain , a fr a id s h e'll s e e m e and a sk w hat I 'm d oin g in th e tr u ck . I le t th em d riv e a head , w atc hin g th eir ta il- lig hts , fig htin g a ho tn ess r is in g in m y th ro at. I t's b een a lo ng tim e s in ce I 'v e ta lk ed to E liz a b eth .
Afte r th e to ile t in cid ent, E liz a b eth a nd I s tr u ggle d to s ta y fr ie nd s. W e s till ta lk ed o n th e p ho ne occasio nally . B ut s h e s to pped s a yin g m ore th an a h ello a nd a fe w e m pty s e nte nces to m e a t L eague meetin gs, b ecause H illy w ould s e e h er. T he la st tim e I s to pped b y E liz a b eth 's h o use w as a m onth ago .
"I c an't b elie ve h o w b ig M ae M oble y's g o tte n," I 'd s a id . M ae M oble y h ad s m ile d s h yly , h id b ehin d her m oth er's le g. S he w as ta lle r b ut s till s o ft w it h b ab y fa t.
"G ro w in g lik e a w eed ," E liz a b eth s a id , lo okin g o ut th e w in d ow , a nd I th o ught, w hat a n o dd th in g to co m pare y o ur c hild to . A w eed .
Eliz a b eth w as s till in h er b ath ro be, h air r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y tin y a gain a fte r th e p re gnancy. H er s m ile sta yed tig ht. S he k ep t lo okin g a t h er w atc h, to uchin g h er c urle rs e very fe w s e co nd s. W e s to od aro und th e k it c hen.
"W ant to g o to th e c lu b fo r lu nch?" I a sk ed . A ib ile en s w ung th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor th en. I n th e din in g r o om , I c aught a g lim pse o f s ilv er a nd B atte nb urg la ce.
"I c an't a nd I h ate to r u sh y o u o ut b ut . . . M am a's m eetin g m e a t th e J e w el T aylo r S ho ppe." S he sh o t h er e yes o ut th e fr o nt w in d ow a gain . " Y ou k no w h o w M am a h ate s to w ait ." H er s m ile g re w exp onentia lly .
"O h, I 'm s o rry , d on't le t m e k eep y o u." I p atte d h er s h o uld er a nd h ead ed fo r th e d oor. A nd th en it h it me. H ow c o uld I b e s o d um b? I t's W ed nesd ay, tw elv e o 'c lo ck . M y o ld b rid ge c lu b .
I b ack ed th e C ad illa c d ow n h er d riv e, s o rry th at I 'd e m barra sse d h er s o . W hen I tu rn ed , I s a w h er fa ce s tr e tc hed u p to th e w in d ow , w atc hin g m e le ave. A nd th at's w hen I r e aliz e d : s h e w asn 't em barra sse d th at s h e'd m ad e m e fe el b ad . E liz a b eth L eefo lt w as e m barra sse d to b e s e en w it h m e.
I p ark O n A IB IL EEN 'S S TR EET, s e vera l h o use s d ow n fr o m h ers , k no w in g w e n eed to b e e ven more c autio us th an e ver. E ven th o ugh H illy w ould n ever c o m e to th is p art o f to w n, s h e is a th re at to us a ll n o w a nd I fe el lik e h er e yes a re e very w here . I k no w th e g le e s h e w ould fe el c atc hin g m e d oin g th is . I d on't u nd ere stim ate h o w fa r s h e w ould g o to m ak e s u re I s u ffe re d th e r e st o f m y lif e .
It's a c ris p D ecem ber n ig ht a nd a fin e r a in is ju st s ta rtin g to fa ll. H ead d ow n, I h urry a lo ng th e s tr e et.
My c o nvers a tio n th is a fte rn o on w it h M is su s S te in is s till r a cin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I 'v e b een tr y in g to prio rit iz e e very th in g le ft to d o. B ut th e h ard est p art is , I h ave to a sk A ib ile en, a gain , a b out w hat hap pened to C onsta ntin e. I c anno t d o a ju st jo b o n C onsta ntin e's s to ry if I d on't k no w w hat's hap pened to h er. I t d efe ats th e p oin t o f th e b ook, to p ut in o nly p art o f th e s to ry . I t w ould n't b e te llin g th e tr u th .
I h urry in to A ib ile en's k it c hen. T he lo ok o n m y fa ce m ust te ll h er s o m eth in g's w ro ng.
"W hat is it ? S om eb ody s e e y o u?" "N o," I s a y, p ullin g p ap ers fr o m m y s a tc hel. " I ta lk ed to M is su s S te in th is m orn in g." I te ll h er every th in g I k no w , a b out th e d ead lin e, a b out " T he P ile ." "A lr ig ht, s o . . ." A ib ile en is c o untin g d ays in h er h ead , th e s a m e w ay I h ave b een a ll a fte rn o on. " S o we g o t tw o a nd a h alf w eek s s te ad a s ix w eek s. O h L aw , th at a in 't e no ugh tim e. W e s till g o t to fin is h writ in g th e L ouvenia s e ctio n a nd s m ooth o ut F aye B elle --a nd th e M in ny s e ctio n, it a in 't r ig ht y et . . .
Mis s S keete r, w e a in 't e ven g o t a tit le y et." I p ut m y h ead in m y h and s. I fe el lik e I 'm s lip pin g u nd erw ate r. " T hat's n o t a ll, " I s a y. " S he . . . w ants me to w rit e a b out C onsta ntin e. S he a sk ed m e . . . w hat h ap pened to h er." Aib ile en s e ts h er c up o f te a d ow n.
"I c an't w rit e it if I d on't k no w w hat h ap pened , A ib ile en. S o if y o u c an't te ll m e . . . I w as w ond erin g if th ere 's s o m eo ne e ls e w ho w ill. " Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I r e ck on th ey is ," s h e s a ys, " b ut I d on't w ant n o body e ls e te llin g y o u th at sto ry ." "T hen . . . w ill y o u?" Aib ile en ta k es o ff h er b la ck g la sse s, r u b s h er e yes. S he p uts th em b ack o n a nd I e xp ect to s e e a tir e d fa ce. S he's w ork ed a ll d ay a nd s h e'll b e w ork in g e ven h ard er n o w to tr y to m ak e th e d ead lin e.
I fid get in m y c hair , w ait in g fo r h er a nsw er.
But s h e d oesn 't lo ok tir e d a t a ll. S he's s it tin g u p s tr a ig ht a nd g iv es m e a d efia nt n o d. " I'll w rit e it dow n. G iv e m e a fe w d ays. I 'll te ll y o u e ver th in g th at h ap pened to C onsta ntin e." I W ORK F O R F IF TEEN H O URS s tr a ig ht o n L ouvenia 's in te rv ie w . O n T hurs d ay n ig ht, I g o to th e League m eetin g. I 'm d yin g to g et o ut o f th e h o use , a nts y fr o m n erv es, jit te ry a b out th e d ead lin e. T he Chris tm as tr e e is s ta rtin g to s m ell to o r ic h, th e s p ic ed o ra nges s ic k ly d ecad ent. M oth er is a lw ays co ld a nd m y p are nts ' h o use fe els lik e I 'm s o ak in g in a v at o f h o t b utte r.
I p ause o n th e L eague s te p s, ta k e in a d eep b re ath o f c le an w in te r a ir . I t's p ath etic , b ut I 'm g la d to still h ave th e n ew sle tte r. O nce a w eek , I a ctu ally fe el lik e I 'm a p art o f th in gs. A nd w ho k no w s, mayb e th is tim e w ill b e d if fe re nt, w it h th e h o lid ays s ta rtin g a nd a ll.
But th e m in ute I w alk in , b ack s tu rn . M y e xclu sio n is ta ngib le , a s if c o ncre te w alls h ave fo rm ed aro und m e. H illy g iv es m e a s m ir k , w hip s h er h ead a ro und to s p eak to s o m eo ne e ls e . I g o d eep er in to th e c ro w d a nd s e e E liz a b eth . S he s m ile s a nd I w ave. I w ant to ta lk to h er a b out M oth er, te ll h er I'm g ettin g w orrie d , b ut b efo re I g et to o c lo se , E liz a b eth tu rn s, h ead d ow n, a nd w alk s a w ay. I g o to my s e at. T his is n ew , fr o m h er, h ere .
In ste ad o f m y u su al s e at u p fr o nt, I s lip in th e b ack r o w , a ngry th at E liz a b eth w ould n't e ven s a y h ello .
Besid e m e is R achel C ole B ra nt. R achel h ard ly e ver c o m es to m eetin gs, w it h th re e k id s, w ork in g o n her m aste r's in E nglis h fr o m M ills a p s C olle ge. I w is h w e w ere b ette r fr ie nd s b ut I k no w s h e's to o busy. O n m y o th er s id e is d am n L eslie F ulle rb ean a nd h er c lo ud o f h air s p ra y. S he m ust r is k h er lif e every tim e s h e lig hts a c ig are tte . I w ond er, if I p ush ed th e to p o f h er h ead , w ould a ero so l s p ra y o ut of h er m outh .
Alm ost e very g ir l in th e r o om h as h er le gs c ro sse d , a lit c ig are tte in h er h and . T he s m oke g ath ers a nd curls a ro und th e c eilin g. I h aven't s m oked in tw o m onth s a nd th e s m ell m ak es m e fe el ill. H illy s te p s up to th e p odiu m a nd a nno unces th e u p co m in g g im me-d riv es ( c o at d riv e, c an d riv e, b ook d riv e, a nd a p la in o ld m oney d riv e), a nd th en w e g et to H illy 's fa vo rit e p art o f th e m eetin g, th e tr o ub le lis t. T his is w here s h e g ets to c all o ut th e n am es o f a nyo ne la te o n th eir d ues o r ta rd y fo r m eetin gs o r n o t fu lf illin g th eir p hila nth ro pic d utie s. I 'm a lw ays o n th e tr o ub le lis t n o w ad ays fo r s o m eth in g.
Hilly 's w earin g a r e d w ool A -lin e d re ss w it h a c ap e c o at o ver it , S herlo ck H olm es-sty le , e ven th o ugh it 's h o t a s fir e in h ere . E very o nce in a w hile , s h e to sse s b ack th e fr o nt fla p lik e it 's in h er w ay, but s h e lo oks lik e s h e e njo ys th is g estu re to o m uch fo r it to r e ally b e a p ro ble m . H er h elp er M ary Nell s ta nd s n ext to h er, h and in g h er n o te s. M ary N ell h as th e lo ok o f a b lo nd la p dog, th e P ek in gese kin d w it h tin y fe et a nd a n o se th at p erk s o n th e e nd .
"N ow , w e h ave s o m eth in g v ery e xcit in g to d is c uss." H illy a ccep ts th e n o te s fr o m th e la p dog a nd sc ans o ver th em .
"T he c o m mit te e h as d ecid ed th at o ur n ew sle tte r c o uld u se a lit tle u p datin g." I s it u p s tr a ig hte r. S ho uld n't I d ecid e o n c hanges to th e n ew sle tte r?
"F ir s t o f a ll, w e'r e c hangin g th e n ew sle tte r fr o m a w eek ly to a m onth ly . I t's ju st to o m uch w it h s ta m ps go in g u p to s ix c ents a nd a ll. A nd w e'r e a d din g a fa sh io n c o lu m n, h ig hlig htin g s o m e o f th e b est o utfit s worn b y o ur m em bers , a nd a m ak eup c o lu m n w it h a ll th e la te st tr e nd s. O h, a nd th e tr o ub le lis t o f co urs e . T hat'll b e in th ere to o." S he n o ds h er h ead , m ak in g e ye c o nta ct w it h a fe w m em bers .
"A nd fin ally , th e m ost e xcit in g c hange: w e'v e d ecid ed to n am e th is n ew c o rre sp ond ence The T a ttle r.
Afte r th e E uro pean m agazin e a ll th e la d ie s o ver th ere r e ad ." "Is n 't th at th e c ute st n am e?" s a ys M ary L ou W hit e a nd H illy 's s o p ro ud o f h ers e lf , s h e d oesn 't e ven bang th e g avel a t h er fo r s p eak in g o ut o f tu rn .
"O kay th en. I t is tim e to c ho ose a n e d it o r fo r o ur n ew , m odern m onth ly . A ny n o m in atio ns? " Severa l h and s p op u p . I s it v ery s till.
"J e anie P ric e, w hat s a y y e?" "I s a y H illy . I n o m in ate H illy H olb ro ok." "A re n't y o u th e s w eete st th in g. A lr ig ht, a ny o th ers ? " Rachel C ole B ra nt tu rn s a nd lo oks a t m e lik e, Are y o u b elie v in g t h is ?
E vid ently , s h e's th e o nly o ne in th e r o om w ho d oesn 't k no w a b out m e a nd H illy .
"A ny s e co nd s to . . ." H illy lo oks d ow n a t th e p odiu m , lik e s h e c an't q uit e r e m em ber w ho 's b een no m in ate d . " T o H illy H olb ro ok a s e d it o r? " "I s e co nd ." "I th ir d ." Bang-b ang g o es th e g avel a nd I 'v e I lo st m y p ost a s e d it o r. Leslie F ulle rb ean is s ta rin g a t m e w it h e yes s o w id e, I c an s e e th ere is n 't a nyth in g b ack th ere w here her b ra in s h o uld b e.
"S keete r, is n 't th at yo ur jo b?" R achel s a ys.
"It was m y jo b," I m utte r a nd h ead s tr a ig ht fo r th e d oors w hen th e m eetin g is o ver. N o o ne s p eak s to m e, n o o ne lo oks m e in th e e ye. I k eep m y h ead h ig h.
In th e fo yer, H illy a nd E liz a b eth ta lk . H illy tu ck s h er d ark h air b ehin d h er e ars , g iv es m e a d ip lo m atic sm ile . S he s tr id es o ff to c hat w it h s o m eo ne e ls e , b ut E liz a b eth s ta ys w here s h e is . S he to uches m y arm a s I w alk o ut.
"H ey, E liz a b eth ," I m urm ur.
"I'm s o rry , S keete r," s h e w his p ers a nd o ur e yes h ang to geth er. B ut th en s h e lo oks a w ay. I w alk dow n th e s te p s a nd in to th e d ark p ark in g lo t. I th o ught s h e h ad s o m eth in g m ore to s a y to m e, b ut I guess I w as w ro ng.
I D O N'T G O S TR A IG HT H O M E a fte r th e L eague m eetin g. I r o ll a ll th e C ad illa c w in d ow s d ow n and le t th e n ig ht a ir b lo w o n m y fa ce. I t is w arm a nd c o ld a t th e s a m e tim e. I k no w I n eed to g o ho m e a nd w ork o n th e s to rie s, b ut I tu rn o nto th e w id e la nes o f S ta te S tr e et a nd ju st d riv e. I 'v e never fe lt s o e m pty in m y lif e . I c an't h elp b ut th in k o f a ll th at's p ilin g o n to p o f m e.
I w ill n ev er make t h is d ea dlin e, m y f r ie n ds d esp is e m e, S tu art is g one, M oth er is ...
I d on't k no w w hat M oth er is , b ut w e a ll k no w it 's m ore th an ju st s to m ach u lc ers .
The S un a nd S and B ar is c lo se d a nd I g o b y s lo w , s ta re a t h o w d ead a n eo n s ig n s e em s w hen it 's tu rn ed o ff. I c o ast p ast th e ta ll L am ar L if e b uild in g, th ro ugh th e y ello w b lin k in g s tr e et lig hts . I t's o nly eig ht o 'c lo ck a t n ig ht b ut e very o ne h as g o ne to b ed . E very o ne's a sle ep in th is to w n in e very w ay possib le .
"I w is h I c o uld ju st le ave h ere ," I s a y a nd m y v o ic e s o und s e erie , w it h n o o ne to h ear it . I n th e d ark , I g et a g lim pse o f m yse lf fr o m w ay a b ove, lik e in a m ovie . I 'v e b eco m e o ne o f th o se p eo ple w ho pro w l a ro und a t n ig ht in th eir c ars . G od, I a m th e to w n's B oo R ad le y, ju st lik e in To K ill a Mock in gbir d .
I flic k o n th e r a d io , d esp era te fo r n o is e to fill m y e ars . " It's M y P arty " is p la yin g a nd I s e arc h fo r so m eth in g e ls e . I 'm s ta rtin g to h ate th e w hin y te enage s o ngs a b out lo ve a nd n o th in g. I n a m om ent o f alig ned w avele ngth s, I p ic k u p M em phis W KPO a nd o ut c o m es a m an's v o ic e, d ru nk -so und in g, sin gin g fa st a nd b lu esy. A t a d ead e nd s tr e et, I e ase in to th e T ote -S um s to re p ark in g lo t a nd lis te n to th e s o ng. I t is b ette r th an a nyth in g I 'v e e ver h eard .
. . . y o u'l l s in k lik e a s to ne For t h e t im es t h ey a re a -c h angin '.
A v o ic e in a c an te lls m e h is n am e is B ob D yla n, b ut a s th e n ext s o ng s ta rts , th e s ig nal fa d es. I le an back in m y s e at, s ta re o ut a t th e d ark w in d ow s o f th e s to re . I fe el a r u sh o f in exp lic ab le r e lie f. I fe el lik e I 'v e ju st h eard s o m eth in g fr o m th e fu tu re .
At th e p ho ne b ooth o uts id e th e s to re , I p ut in a d im e a nd c all M oth er. I k no w s h e'll w ait u p fo r m e until I g et h o m e.
"H ello ?" I t's D ad dy's v o ic e a t e ig ht- fif te en a t n ig ht.
"D ad dy . . . w hy a re y o u u p ? W hat's w ro ng?" "Y ou n eed to c o m e o n h o m e n o w , d arlin g." The s tr e etlig ht s u d denly fe els to o b rig ht in m y e yes, th e n ig ht v ery c o ld . " Is it M am a? I s s h e s ic k ?" "S tu art's b een s it tin g o n th e p orc h fo r a lm ost tw o h o urs n o w . H e's w ait in g o n y o u." Stu art? I t d oesn 't m ak e s e nse . " B ut M am a . . . s h e's . . ." "O h, M am a's fin e. I n fa ct, s h e's b rig hte ned u p a lit tle . C om e o n h o m e, S keete r, a nd te nd to S tu art no w ." TH E D RIV E H O M E h as n ever fe lt s o lo ng. T en m in ute s la te r, I p ull in fr o nt o f th e h o use a nd s e e Stu art s it tin g o n th e to p p orc h s te p . D ad dy's in a r o ck in g c hair . T hey b oth s ta nd w hen I tu rn o ff th e car.
"H ey, D ad dy," I s a y. I d on't lo ok a t S tu art. " W here 's M am a?" "S he's a sle ep , I ju st c heck ed o n h er." D ad dy y aw ns. I h aven't s e en h im u p p ast s e ven o 'c lo ck in te n years , w hen th e s p rin g c o tto n fr o ze .
"'N ig ht, y o u tw o. T urn th e lig hts o ut w hen y o u'r e d one." D ad dy g o es in sid e a nd S tu art a nd I a re le ft alo ne. T he n ig ht is s o b la ck , s o q uie t, I c an't s e e s ta rs o r a m oon o r e ven a d og in th e y ard .
"W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?" I s a y a nd m y v o ic e, it s o und s s m all.
"I c am e to ta lk to y o u." I s it o n th e fr o nt s te p a nd p ut m y h ead d ow n o n m y a rm s. " J u st s a y it fa st a nd th en g o o n. I w as gettin g b ette r. I h eard th is s o ng a nd a lm ost fe lt b ette r te n m in ute s a go ." He m oves c lo se r to m e, b ut n o t s o c lo se th at w e a re to uchin g. I w is h w e w ere to uchin g.
"I c am e to te ll y o u s o m eth in g. I c am e to s a y th at I s a w h er." I lif t m y h ead u p . T he fir s t w ord in m y h ead is se lf is h .
Y ou s e lf is h s o n-o f- a -b it c h, c o m in g h ere to ta lk ab out P atr ic ia .
"I w ent o ut th ere , to S an F ra ncis c o . T w o w eek s a go . I g o t in m y tr u ck a nd d ro ve fo r fo ur d ays a nd kno ck ed o n th e d oor o f th e a p artm ent h o use h er m am a g ave m e th e a d dre ss to ." I c o ver m y fa ce. A ll I c an s e e is S tu art p ush in g h er h air b ack lik e h e u se d to w it h m e. " I d on't w ant to k no w th is ." "I to ld h er I th o ught th at w as th e u glie st th in g y o u c o uld d o to a p ers o n. L ie th at w ay. S he lo oked s o dif fe re nt. H ad o n th is p ra ir ie -lo okin g d re ss a nd a p eace s ig n a nd h er h air w as lo ng a nd s h e d id n't have a ny lip stic k o n. A nd s h e la ughed w hen s h e s a w m e. A nd th en s h e c alle d m e a w ho re ." H e r u b s his e yes h ard w it h h is k nuck le s. " S he, th e o ne w ho to ok h er c lo th es o ff fo r th at g uy--sa id I w as a who re to m y d ad dy, a w ho re to M is sis sip pi. " "W hy a re y o u te llin g m e th is ? " M y fis ts a re c le nched . I ta ste m eta l. I 'v e b it te n d ow n o n m y to ngue.
"I d ro ve o ut th ere b ecause o f y o u. A fte r w e b ro ke u p , I k new I h ad to g et h er o ut o f m y h ead . A nd I d id it , S keete r. I d ro ve tw o th o usa nd m ile s th ere a nd b ack a nd I 'm h ere to te ll y o u. I t's d ead . I t's go ne." "W ell, g o od, S tu art," I s a y. " G ood fo r y o u." He m oves c lo se r a nd le ans d ow n s o I w ill lo ok a t h im . A nd I fe el s ic k , lit e ra lly n ause ate d b y th e sm ell o f b ourb on o n h is b re ath . A nd y et I s till w ant to fo ld m yse lf u p a nd p ut m y e ntir e b ody in h is arm s. I a m lo vin g h im a nd h atin g h im a t th e s a m e tim e.
"G o h o m e," I s a y, h ard ly b elie vin g m yse lf . " T here 's n o p la ce le ft in sid e m e fo r y o u." "I d on't b elie ve th at." "Y ou'r e to o la te , S tu art." "C an I c o m e b y o n S atu rd ay? T o ta lk s o m e m ore ?" I s h ru g, m y e yes fu ll o f te ars . I w on't le t h im th ro w m e a w ay a gain . I t's a lr e ad y h ap pened to o m any tim es, w it h h im , w it h m y fr ie nd s. I 'd b e s tu p id to le t it h ap pen a gain .
"I d on't r e ally c are w hat y o u d o." I W AK E U P A T F IV E A .M . a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n th e s to rie s. W it h o nly s e vente en d ays u ntil o ur dead lin e, I w ork th ro ugh th e d ay a nd n ig ht w it h a s p eed a nd e ffic ie ncy I d id n't k no w I p osse sse d . I fin is h L ouvenia 's s to ry in h alf th e tim e it to ok m e to w rit e th e o th ers a nd , w it h a n in te nse b urn in g head ache, I tu rn o ff th e lig ht a s th e fir s t r a ys o f s u n p eek th ro ugh th e w in d ow . I f A ib ile en w ill g iv e m e Consta ntin e's s to ry b y e arly n ext w eek , I ju st m ig ht b e a b le to p ull th is o ff.
And th en I r e aliz e I d o n o t h ave s e vente en m ore d ays. H ow dum b o f m e. I h ave te n d ays, b ecause I haven't a cco unte d fo r th e tim e it w ill ta k e to m ail it to N ew Y ork .
I'd c ry , if o nly I h ad th e tim e to d o it .
A fe w h o urs la te r, I w ak e u p a nd g o b ack to w ork . A t fiv e in th e a fte rn o on, I h ear a c ar p ull u p a nd se e S tu art c lim b o ut o f h is tr u ck . I te ar m yse lf a w ay fr o m th e ty p ew rit e r a nd g o o ut o n th e fr o nt porc h.
"H ello ," I s a y, s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay.
"H ey, S keete r." H e n o ds a t m e, s h yly I th in k , c o m pare d to h is w ay tw o n ig hts a go . " A fte rn o on, Mis te r P hela n." "H ey th ere , s o n." D ad dy g ets u p fr o m h is r o ck in g c hair . " I'll le t y o u k id s ta lk o ut h ere ." "D on't g et u p , D ad dy. I 'm s o rry , b ut I 'm b usy to day, S tu art. Y ou'r e w elc o m e to s it o ut h ere w it h Dad dy a s lo ng a s y o u lik e." I g o b ack in th e h o use , p ass M oth er a t th e k it c hen ta b le d rin k in g w arm m ilk .
"W as th at S tu art I s a w o ut th ere ?" I g o in th e d in in g r o om . I s ta nd b ack fr o m th e w in d ow s, w here I k no w S tu art c an't s e e m e. I w atc h until h e d riv es a w ay. A nd th en I ju st k eep w atc hin g.
TH AT N IG HT, a s u su al, I g o to A ib ile en's . I te ll h er a b out th e d ead lin e o f o nly te n d ays, a nd s h e lo oks lik e s h e m ig ht c ry . T hen I h and h er L ouvenia 's c hap te r to r e ad , th e o ne I 'v e w rit te n a t lig htn in g sp eed . M in ny is a t th e k it c hen ta b le w it h u s, d rin k in g a C oke, lo okin g o ut th e w in d ow . I h ad n't kno w n s h e'd b e h ere to nig ht a nd w is h s h e'd le ave u s to w ork .
Aib ile en p uts it d ow n, n o ds. " I th in k th is c hap te r is r ig ht g o od. R ead ju st a s w ell a s th e s lo w -w ro te ones." I s ig h, le anin g b ack in m y c hair , th in k in g o f w hat e ls e n eed s to b e d one. " W e n eed to d ecid e o n th e tit le ," I s a y a nd r u b m y te m ple s. " I'v e b een w ork in g o n a fe w . I th in k w e s h o uld c all it Colo re d Dom estic s a nd t h e S outh ern F am ilie s f o r W hic h T hey W ork .
" "S ay w hat? " M in ny s a ys, lo okin g a t m e fo r th e fir s t tim e.
"T hat's th e b est w ay to d esc rib e it , d on't y o u th in k ?" I s a y.
"If y o u g o t a c o rn c o b u p y o u b utt." "T his is n 't fic tio n, M in ny. I t's s o cio lo gy. I t h as to s o und e xact." "B ut th at d on't m ean it h ave to s o und b orin g," M in ny s a ys.
"A ib ile en," I s ig h, h o pin g w e c an r e so lv e th is to nig ht. " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" Aib ile en s h ru gs a nd I c an s e e a lr e ad y, s h e's p uttin g o n h er p eace-m ak in g s m ile . I t s e em s s h e h as to sm ooth th in gs o ver e very tim e M in ny a nd I a re in th e s a m e r o om . " T hat's a g o od tit le . A c o urs e y o u go ne g et tir e d a ty p in g a ll th at o n to p a e ver p age," s h e s a ys. I 'd to ld h er th is is h o w it h as to b e done.
"W ell, w e c o uld s h o rte n it a lit tle . . ." I s a y a nd p ull o ut m y p encil.
Aib ile en s c ra tc hes h er n o se , s a ys, " W hat y o u th in k a b out ju st c allin g it . . .
Help ?" " Help ," M in ny r e p eats , lik e s h e's n ever h eard o f th e w ord .
" Help ," I s a y.
Aib ile en s h ru gs, lo oks d ow n s h yly , lik e s h e's a lit tle e m barra sse d . " I a in 't tr y in g to ta k e o ver y o ur id ea, I ju st... I lik e to k eep th in gs s im ple , y o u k no w ?" "I g uess Help s o und a lr ig ht to m e," M in ny s a ys a nd c ro sse s h er a rm s.
"I lik e . . .
Help ," I s a y, b ecause I r e ally d o. I a d d, " I th in k w e'll s till h ave to p ut th e d esc rip tio n und ern eath , s o th e c ate go ry 's c le ar, b ut I th in k th at's a g o od tit le ." "G ood is r ig ht," M in ny s a ys. " C ause if th is th in g g ets p rin te d , L ord k no w s w e g o ne n eed s o m e." On S U N DAY A FTER N OON, w it h e ig ht d ays le ft, I c o m e d ow nsta ir s , d iz zy a nd b lin k in g fr o m sta rin g a t p ic a ty p e a ll d ay. I w as a lm ost g la d w hen I h eard S tu art's c ar p ull u p th e d riv e. I r u b m y eyes. M ayb e I 'll s it w it h h im a w hile , c le ar m y h ead , th en g o b ack a nd w ork th ro ugh th e n ig ht.
Stu art c lim bs o ut o f h is m ud -sp la tte re d tr u ck . H e's s till in h is S und ay tie a nd I tr y to ig no re h o w hand so m e h e lo oks. I s tr e tc h m y a rm s. I t's r id ic ulo usly w arm o ut, c o nsid erin g C hris tm as is in tw o and a h alf w eek s. M oth er's s it tin g o n th e p orc h in a r o ck in g c hair , s w ath ed in b la nk ets .
"H ello , M is su s P hela n. H ow a re y o u fe elin g to day?" S tu art a sk s.
Moth er g iv es h im a r e gal n o d. " F air . T hank y o u fo r a sk in g." I 'm s u rp ris e d b y th e c o oln ess in h er vo ic e. S he tu rn s b ack to h er n ew sle tte r a nd I c an't h elp b ut s m ile . M oth er k no w s h e's b een s to ppin g by b ut s h e h asn 't m entio ned it b ut o nce. I h ave to w ond er w hen it w ill c o m e.
"H ey," h e s a ys to m e q uie tly a nd w e s it o n th e b otto m p orc h s te p . S ile ntly , w e w atc h o ur o ld c at Sherm an s n eak a ro und a tr e e, h is ta il s w ayin g, g o in g a fte r s o m e c re atu re w e c an't s e e.
Stu art p uts h is h and o n m y s h o uld er. " I c an't s ta y to day. I 'm h ead in g to D alla s r ig ht n o w fo r a n o il meetin g a nd I 'll b e g o ne th re e d ays," h e s a ys. " I ju st c am e b y to te ll y o u." "A lr ig ht." I s h ru g, lik e it m ak es n o d if fe re nce.
"A lr ig ht th en," h e s a ys a nd g ets b ack in h is tr u ck .
When h e h as d is a p peare d , M oth er c le ars h er th ro at. I d on't tu rn a ro und a nd lo ok a t h er in th e ro ck in g c hair . I d on't w ant h er to s e e th e d is a p poin tm ent in m y fa ce th at h e's g o ne.
"G o a head , M oth er," I fin ally m utte r. " S ay w hat y o u w ant to s a y." "D on't y o u le t h im c heap en y o u." I lo ok b ack a t h er, e ye h er s u sp ic io usly , e ven th o ugh s h e is s o fr a il u nd er th e w ool b la nk et. S orry is th e fo ol w ho e ver u nd ere stim ate s m y m oth er.
"If S tu art d oesn 't k no w h o w in te llig ent a nd k in d I r a is e d y o u to b e, h e c an m arc h s tr a ig ht o n b ack to Sta te S tr e et." S he n arro w s h er e yes o ut a t th e w in te r la nd . " F ra nk ly , I d on't c are m uch fo r S tu art. H e doesn 't k no w h o w lu ck y h e w as to h ave y o u." I le t M oth er's w ord s s it lik e a tin y, s w eet c and y o n m y to ngue. F orc in g m yse lf u p fr o m th e s te p , I head fo r th e fr o nt d oor. T here is s o m uch w ork to b e d one a nd n o t n early e no ugh tim e.
"T hank y o u, M oth er." I k is s h er s o ftly o n th e c heek a nd g o in sid e.
I'M E X HAUSTED a nd I R RIT A BLE. F or fo rty -e ig ht h o urs I 'v e d one n o th in g b ut ty p e. I a m s tu p id wit h fa cts a b out o th er p eo ple 's liv es. M y e yes s tin g fr o m th e s m ell o f ty p in g in k . M y fin gers a re str ip ed w it h p ap er c uts . W ho k new p ap er a nd in k c o uld b e s o v ic io us.
Wit h ju st s ix d ays le ft, I g o o ver to A ib ile en's . S he's ta k en a w eek day o ff fr o m w ork , d esp it e Eliz a b eth 's a nno yance. I c an te ll s h e k no w s w hat w e n eed to d is c uss b efo re I e ven s a y it . S he le aves me in th e k it c hen a nd c o m es b ack w it h a le tte r in h er h and .
"F ore I g iv e th is to y o u . . . I th in k I o ught to te ll y o u s o m e th in gs. S o y o u c an r e ally u nd ers ta nd ." I n o d. I a m te nse in m y c hair . I w ant to te ar th e e nvelo pe o pen a nd g et th is o ver w it h . Aib ile en s tr a ig hte ns h er n o te b ook th at's s it tin g o n th e k it c hen ta b le . I w atc h a s s h e a lig ns h er tw o yello w p encils . " R em em ber, I to ld y o u C onsta ntin e h ad a d aughte r. W ell, L ula b elle w as h er n am e.
Law , s h e c o m e o ut p ale a s s n o w . G re w h air th e c o lo r a h ay. N ot c urly lik e y o urs . S tr a ig ht it w as." "S he w as th at w hit e ?" I a sk . I 'v e w ond ere d th is e ver s in ce A ib ile en to ld m e a b out C onsta ntin e's child , w ay b ack in E liz a b eth 's k it c hen. I th in k a b out h o w s u rp ris e d C onsta ntin e m ust'v e b een to h o ld a w hit e b ab y a nd k no w it w as h ers .
She n o ds. " W hen L ula b elle w as fo ur y ears o ld , C onsta ntin e . . ." A ib ile en s h if ts in h er c hair . " S he ta k e h er to a . . . o rp hanage. U p in C hic ago ." "A n o rp hanage? Y ou m ean . . . s h e g ave h er b ab y a w ay?" A s m uch a s C onsta ntin e lo ved m e, I c an only im agin e h o w m uch s h e m ust'v e lo ved h er o w n c hild .
Aib ile en lo oks m e s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. I s e e s o m eth in g th ere I r a re ly s e e--fr u str a tio n, a ntip ath y. " A lo t a c o lo re d w om ens g o t to g iv e th ey c hild re n u p , M is s S keete r. S end th ey k id s o ff c ause th ey h ave to te nd to a w hit e fa m ily ." I lo ok d ow n, w ond erin g if C onsta ntin e c o uld n't ta k e c are o f h er c hild b ecause s h e h ad to ta k e c are of u s.
"B ut m ost s e nd e m o ff to fa m ily . A o rp hanage is ... d if fe re nt a lt o geth er." "W hy d id n't s h e s e nd th e b ab y to h er s is te r's ? O r a no th er r e la tiv e?" "H er s is te r...s h e ju st c o uld n't h and le it . B ein g N egro w it h w hit e s k in . . . in M is sis sip pi, it 's lik e y o u don't b elo ng to n o body. B ut it w asn 't ju st h ard o n th e g ir l. I t w as h ard o n C onsta ntin e. S he . . . fo lk s would lo ok a t h er. W hit e fo lk s w ould s to p h er, a sk h er a ll s u sp ic io us w hat s h e d oin g to tin g r o und a whit e c hild . P olic em an u se d to s to p h er o n S ta te S tr e et, to ld h er s h e n eed to g et h er u nif o rm o n.
Even c o lo re d fo lk s . . . th ey tr e at h er d if fe re nt, d is tr u stfu l, lik e s h e d one s o m eth in g w ro ng. I t w as hard fo r h er to fin d s o m eb ody to w atc h L ula b elle w hile s h e a t w ork . C onsta ntin e g o t to w here s h e did n't w ant to b rin g L ula . . . o ut m uch." "W as s h e a lr e ad y w ork in g fo r m y m oth er th en?" "S he'd b een w it h y o ur m am a a fe w y ears . T hat's w here s h e m et th e fa th er, C onno r. H e w ork ed o n yo ur fa rm , liv ed b ack th ere in H ots ta ck ." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " W e w as a ll s u rp ris e d Consta ntin e w ould g o a nd ... g et h ers e lf in th e fa m ily w ay. S om e fo lk s a t c hurc h w asn 't s o k in d a b out it , e sp ecia lly w hen th e b ab y c o m e o ut w hit e . E ven th o ugh th e fa th er w as b la ck a s m e." "I'm s u re M oth er w asn 't to o p le ase d , e it h er." M oth er, I 'm s u re , k new a ll a b out it . S he's a lw ays k ep t ta b s o n a ll th e c o lo re d h elp a nd th eir s it u atio ns-- w here th ey liv e, if th ey'r e m arrie d , h o w m any child re n th ey h ave. I t's m ore o f a c o ntr o l th in g th an a r e al in te re st. S he w ants to k no w w ho 's w alk in g aro und h er p ro perty .
"W as it a c o lo re d o rp hanage o r a w hit e o ne?" B ecause I a m th in k in g, I a m h o pin g, m ayb e Consta ntin e ju st w ante d a b ette r lif e fo r h er c hild . M ayb e s h e th o ught s h e'd b e a d opte d b y a w hit e fa m ily a nd n o t fe el s o d if fe re nt. "C olo re d . W hit e o nes w ould n't ta k e h er, I h eard . I g uess th ey k new ... m ayb e th ey s e en th at k in d a th in g b efo re .
"W hen C onsta ntin e w ent to th e tr a in s ta tio n w it h L ula b elle to ta k e h er u p th ere , I h eard w hit e fo lk s was s ta rin g o n th e p la tfo rm , w antin g to k no w w hy a lit tle w hit e g ir l w as g o in g in th e c o lo re d c ar. A nd when C onsta ntin e le ft h er a t th e p la ce u p in C hic ago . . . fo ur is . . . p re tty o ld to g et g iv en u p .
Lula b elle w as s c re am in g. T hat's w hat C onsta ntin e to ld s o m eb ody a t o ur c hurc h. S aid L ula w as sc re am in g a nd th ra sh in g, tr y in g to g et h er m am a to c o m e b ack to h er. B ut C onsta ntin e, e ven w it h th at s o und in h er e ars . . . s h e le ft h er th ere ." As I lis te n, it s ta rts to h it m e, w hat A ib ile en is te llin g m e. I f I h ad n't h ad th e m oth er I h ave, I m ig ht no t h ave th o ught it . " S he g ave h er u p b ecause s h e w as . . . a sh am ed ? B ecause h er d aughte r w as whit e ?" Aib ile en o pens h er m outh to d is a gre e, b ut th en s h e c lo se s it , lo oks d ow n. " A fe w y ears la te r, Consta ntin e w ro te th e o rp hanage, to ld e m s h e m ad e a m is ta k e, s h e w ante d h er g ir l b ack . B ut L ula been a d opte d a lr e ad y. S he w as g o ne. C onsta ntin e a lw ays s a id g iv in g h er c hild a w ay w as th e w ors t mis ta k e s h e'd e ver m ad e in h er lif e ." A ib ile en le ans b ack in h er c hair . " A nd s h e s a id if s h e e ver g o t Lula b elle b ack , s h e'd n ever le t h er g o ." I s it q uie tly , m y h eart a chin g fo r C onsta ntin e. I a m s ta rtin g to d re ad w hat th is h as to d o w it h m y moth er.
"B out tw o y ears a go , C onsta ntin e g et a le tte r fr o m L ula b elle . I r e ck on s h e w as tw enty -fiv e b y th en, and it s a id h er a d optiv e p are nts g iv e h er th e a d dre ss. T hey s ta rt w rit in g to e ach o th er a nd L ula b elle sa y s h e w ant a c o m e d ow n a nd s ta y w it h h er a w hile . C onsta ntin e, L aw , s h e s o n erv o us s h e c o uld n't walk s tr a ig ht. T oo n erv o us to e at, w ould n't e ven ta k e n o w ate r. K ep t th ro w in g it u p . I h ad h er o n m y pra yer lis t." Tw o y ears a go . I w as u p a t s c ho ol th en. W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e te ll m e in h er le tte rs w hat w as g o in g on?
"S he to ok a ll h er s a vin gs a nd b ought n ew c lo th es fo r L ula b elle , h air th in gs, h ad th e c hurc h b ee s e w her a n ew q uilt fo r th e b ed L ula g o ne s le ep in . S he to ld u s a t p ra yer m eetin g, What if s h e h ate m e?
She's g one a sk m e w hy I g iv e h er a w ay a nd if I t e ll h er t h e t r u th . . . s h e'l l h ate m e f o r w hat I done." Aib ile en lo oks u p fr o m h er c up o f te a, s m ile s a lit tle . " S he te ll u s, I c an't w ait fo r S keete r to m eet h er, when s h e g et b ack h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. I fo rg o t a b out th at. I d id n't k no w w ho S keete r w as, b ack th en." I r e m em ber m y la st le tte r fr o m C onsta ntin e, th at s h e h ad a s u rp ris e fo r m e. I r e aliz e n o w , s h e'd wante d to in tr o duce m e to h er d aughte r. I s w allo w b ack te ars c o m in g u p in m y th ro at. " W hat hap pened w hen L ula b elle c am e d ow n to s e e h er? " Aib ile en s lid es th e e nvelo pe a cro ss th e ta b le . " I r e ck on y o u o ught a r e ad th at p art a t h o m e." AT H O M E, I G O U PSTA IR S. W it h o ut e ven s to ppin g to s it d ow n, I o pen A ib ile en's le tte r. I t is o n no te b ook p ap er, c o verin g th e fr o nt a nd b ack , w rit te n in c urs iv e p encil.
Afte rw ard , I s ta re a t th e e ig ht p ages I 'v e a lr e ad y w rit te n a b out w alk in g to H ots ta ck w it h Consta ntin e, th e p uzzle s w e w ork ed o n to geth er, h er p re ssin g h er th um b in m y h and . I ta k e a d eep bre ath a nd p ut m y h and s o n th e ty p ew rit e r k eys. I c an't w aste a ny m ore tim e. I h ave to fin is h h er sto ry .
I w rit e a b out w hat A ib ile en to ld m e, th at C onsta ntin e h ad a d aughte r a nd h ad to g iv e h er u p s o s h e co uld w ork fo r o ur fa m ily --th e M ille rs I c all u s, a fte r H enry , m y fa vo rit e b anned a uth o r. I d on't p ut in th at C onsta ntin e's d aughte r w as h ig h y ello w ; I ju st w ant to s h o w th at C onsta ntin e's lo ve fo r m e began w it h m is sin g h er o w n c hild . P erh ap s th at's w hat m ad e it s o u niq ue, s o d eep . I t d id n't m atte r th at I w as w hit e . W hile s h e w as w antin g h er o w n d aughte r b ack , I w as lo ngin g fo r M oth er n o t to b e dis a p poin te d in m e.
For tw o d ays, I w rit e a ll th e w ay th ro ugh m y c hild ho od, m y c o lle ge y ears , w here w e s e nt le tte rs to each o th er e very w eek . B ut th en I s to p a nd lis te n to M oth er c o ughin g d ow nsta ir s . I h ear D ad dy's fo ots te p s, g o in g to h er. I lig ht a c ig are tte a nd s tu b it o ut, th in k in g, Don't s ta rt u p a gain .
T he to ile t wate r r u sh es th ro ugh th e h o use , fille d w it h a lit tle m ore o f m y m oth er's b ody. I lig ht a no th er c ig are tte and s m oke it d ow n to m y fin gers . I c an't w rit e a b out w hat's in A ib ile en's le tte r.
That a fte rn o on, I c all A ib ile en a t h o m e. " I c an't p ut it in th e b ook," I te ll h er. " A bout M oth er a nd Consta ntin e. I 'll e nd it w hen I g o to c o lle ge. I ju st . . ." "M is s S keete r- -" "I k no w I s h o uld . I k no w I s h o uld b e s a crif ic in g a s m uch a s y o u a nd M in ny a nd a ll o f y o u. B ut I can't d o th at to m y m oth er." "N o o ne e xp ects y o u to , M is s S keete r. T ru th is , I w ould n't th in k r e al h ig h a y o u if y o u d id ." TH E N EX T E V EN IN G, I g o to th e k it c hen fo r s o m e te a.
"E ugenia ? A re y o u d ow nsta ir s ? " I tr e ad b ack to M oth er's r o om . D ad dy's n o t in b ed y et. I h ear th e te le vis io n o n o ut in th e r e la xin g ro om . " I'm h ere , M am a." She is in b ed a t s ix in th e e venin g, th e w hit e b ow l b y h er s id e. " H ave y o u b een c ry in g? Y ou k no w ho w th at a ges y o ur s k in , d ear." I s it in th e s tr a ig ht c ane c hair b esid e h er b ed . I th in k a b out h o w I s h o uld b egin . P art o f m e und ers ta nd s w hy M oth er a cte d th e w ay s h e d id , b ecause r e ally , w ould n't a nyo ne b e a ngry a b out what L ula b elle d id ? B ut I n eed to h ear m y m oth er's s id e o f th e s to ry . I f th ere 's a nyth in g r e d eem in g ab out m y m oth er th at A ib ile en le ft o ut o f th e le tte r, I w ant to k no w .
"I w ant to ta lk a b out C onsta ntin e," I s a y.
"O h E ugenia ," M oth er c hid es a nd p ats m y h and . " T hat w as a lm ost tw o y ears a go ." "M am a," I s a y a nd m ak e m yse lf lo ok in to h er e yes. E ven th o ugh s h e is te rrib ly th in a nd h er co lla rb one is lo ng a nd n arro w b eneath h er s k in , h er e yes a re s till a s s h arp a s e ver. " W hat h ap pened ?
What h ap pened w it h h er d aughte r? " Moth er's ja w tig hte ns a nd I c an te ll s h e's s u rp ris e d th at I k no w a b out h er. I w ait fo r h er to r e fu se to ta lk a b out it , a s b efo re . S he ta k es a d eep b re ath , m oves th e w hit e b ow l a lit tle c lo se r to h er, s a ys, "C onsta ntin e s e nt h er u p to C hic ago to liv e. S he c o uld n't ta k e c are o f h er." I n o d a nd w ait .
"T hey'r e d if fe re nt th at w ay, y o u k no w . T ho se p eo ple h ave c hild re n a nd d on't th in k a b out th e co nse q uences u ntil it 's to o la te ." They, t h ose p eo ple .
I t r e m in d s m e o f H illy . M oth er s e es it o n m y fa ce, to o.
"N ow y o u lo ok, I w as g o od to C onsta ntin e. O h, s h e ta lk ed b ack p le nty o f tim es a nd I p ut u p w it h it .
But S keete r, s h e d id n't g iv e m e a c ho ic e th is tim e." "I k no w , M oth er. I k no w w hat h ap pened ." "W ho to ld y o u? W ho e ls e k no w s a b out th is ? " I s e e th e p ara no ia r is in g in M oth er's e yes. I t is h er gre ate st fe ar c o m in g tr u e, a nd I fe el s o rry fo r h er.
"I w ill n ever te ll y o u w ho to ld m e. A ll I c an s a y is , it w as n o o ne . . . im porta nt to y o u," I s a y. " I c an't belie ve y o u w ould d o th at, M oth er." "H ow d are y o u ju d ge m e, a fte r w hat s h e d id . D o y o u r e ally k no w w hat h ap pened ? W ere y o u th ere ?" I s e e th e o ld a nger, a n o bstin ate w om an w ho 's s u rv iv ed y ears o f b le ed in g u lc ers .
"T hat g ir l- -" S he s h ak es h er k no bby fin ger a t m e. " S he s h o w ed u p h ere . I h ad th e e ntir e D AR chap te r a t th e h o use . Y ou w ere u p a t s c ho ol a nd th e d oorb ell w as r in gin g n o nsto p a nd C onsta ntin e was in th e k it c hen, m ak in g a ll th at c o ffe e o ver s in ce th e o ld p erc o la to r b urn ed th e fir s t tw o p ots r ig ht up ." M oth er w aves a w ay th e r e m em bere d r e ek o f s c o rc hed c o ffe e. " T hey w ere a ll in th e liv in g r o om havin g c ak e, n in ety -fiv e peo ple in th e h o use , a nd s h e's d rin k in g c o ffe e. S he's ta lk in g to S ara h v o n Sis te rn a nd w alk in g a ro und th e h o use lik e a g uest a nd s tic k in g c ak e in h er m outh a nd th en s h e's fillin g o ut th e fo rm to b eco m e a mem ber ." Again I n o d. M ayb e I d id n't k no w th o se d eta ils , b ut th ey d on't c hange w hat h ap pened . "S he lo oked w hit e a s a nyb ody, a nd s h e k new it to o. S he k new e xactly w hat s h e w as d oin g a nd s o I sa y, How d o y o u d o?
a nd s h e la ughs a nd s a ys, Fin e, s o I s a y, And w hat is y o ur n am e?
a nd s h e sa ys, Yo u m ea n y o u d on't k now ? I 'm L ula belle B ate s. I 'm g ro w n n ow a nd I 'v e m oved b ack in wit h M am a. I g ot h ere y este rd ay m orn in g.
A nd th en s h e g o es o ver to h elp h ers e lf to a no th er pie ce o f c ak e." "B ate s," I s a y, b ecause th is is a no th er d eta il I d id n't k no w , a lb eit in sig nif ic ant. " S he c hanged h er la st nam e b ack to C onsta ntin e's ." "T hank G od n o body h eard h er. B ut th en s h e s ta rts ta lk in g to P ho eb e M ille r, th e p re sid ent o f th e South ern S ta te s o f th e D AR, a nd I p ulle d h er in to th e k it c hen a nd I s a id , Lula belle , y o u c a n't s ta y here . Y o u n eed t o g o o n, a nd o h s h e lo oked a t m e h aughty . S he s a id , What, y o u d on't a llo w co lo re d N eg ro es in y o ur liv in g r o om if w e'r e n ot c le a nin g u p?
T hat's w hen C onsta ntin e w alk s in th e k it c hen a nd s h e lo oks a s s h o ck ed a s I a m . I s a y, Lula belle , y o u g et o ut o f t h is h ouse b efo re I ca ll M is te r P hela n, b ut s h e w on't b ud ge. S ays, w hen I th o ught s h e w as w hit e , I tr e ate d h er fin e a nd dand y. S ays u p in C hic ago , s h e's p art o f s o m e b la ck c at g ro up s o I te ll C onsta ntin e, I s a y, Yo u g et yo ur d aughte r o ut o f m y h ouse r ig ht n ow .
" Moth er's e yes s e em m ore d eep -se t th an e ver. H er n o str ils a re fla rin g.
"S o C onsta ntin e, s h e te lls L ula b elle to g o o n b ack to th eir h o use , a nd L ula b elle s a ys, Fin e, I w as le a vin g a nyw ay , a nd h ead s fo r th e d in in g r o om a nd o f c o urs e I s to p h er.
Oh n o, I s a y, yo u g o o ut th e b ack d oor, n ot t h e f ro nt w it h t h e w hit e g uests .
I w as n o t a b out to h ave th e D AR fin d o ut ab out th is . A nd I to ld th at b aw dy g ir l, w ho se o w n m am a w e g ave te n d olla rs e xtr a to e very Chris tm as, s h e w as not to s te p fo ot o n th is fa rm again .
A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e d id ?" Ye s, I th in k , b ut I k eep m y fa ce b la nk . I a m s till s e arc hin g fo r th e r e d em ptio n.
"S pit . I n m y fa ce. A N egro in m y h o m e. T ry in g to a ct w hit e ." I s h ud der. W ho w ould e ver h ave th e n erv e to s p it a t m y m oth er?
"I to ld C onsta ntin e th at g ir l b ette r n o t s h o w h er fa ce h ere a gain . N ot to H ots ta ck , n o t to th e s ta te o f Mis sis sip pi. N or w ould I to le ra te h er k eep in g te rm s w it h L ula b elle , n o t a s lo ng a s y o ur d ad dy w as payin g C onsta ntin e's r e nt o n th at h o use b ack th ere ." "B ut it w as L ula b elle a ctin g th at w ay. N ot C onsta ntin e." "W hat if s h e s ta yed ? I c o uld n't h ave th at g ir l g o in g a ro und J a ck so n, a ctin g w hit e w hen s h e w as co lo re d , te llin g e very b ody s h e g o t in to a D AR p arty a t L ongle af. I ju st th ank G od n o body e ver fo und o ut a b out it . S he tr ie d to e m barra ss m e in m y o w n h o m e, E ugenia . F iv e m in ute s b efo re , s h e had P ho eb e M ille r fillin g o ut th e fo rm fo r h er to jo in .
" "S he h ad n't s e en h er d aughte r in tw enty y ears . Y ou c an't . . . te ll a p ers o n th ey c an't s e e th eir c hild ." But M oth er is c aught u p in h er o w n s to ry . " A nd C onsta ntin e, s h e th o ught s h e c o uld g et m e to c hange my m in d .
Mis s P hela n, p le a se , j u st le t h er s ta y a t t h e h ouse , s h e w on't c o m e o n t h is s id e a gain , I h adn't s e en h er in s o lo ng. "A nd th at L ula b elle , w it h h er h and u p o n h er h ip , s a yin g, 'Y eah, m y d ad dy d ie d a nd m y m am a w as to o s ic k to ta k e c are o f m e w hen I w as a b ab y. S he h ad to g iv e m e a w ay. Y ou c an't k eep u s a p art.' " Moth er lo w ers h er v o ic e. S he s e em s m atte r- o f- fa ct n o w . " I lo oked a t C onsta ntin e a nd I fe lt s o m uch sh am e fo r h er. T o g et p re gnant in th e fir s t p la ce a nd th en to lie . . ." I fe el s ic k a nd h o t. I 'm r e ad y fo r th is to b e o ver.
Moth er n arro w s h er e yes. " It's tim e y o u le arn ed , E ugenia , h o w th in gs r e ally a re . Y ou id oliz e Consta ntin e to o m uch. Y ou a lw ays h ave." S he p oin ts h er fin ger a t m e. " T hey a re n o t lik e r e gula r peo ple .
" I c an't lo ok a t h er. I c lo se m y e yes. " A nd th en w hat h ap pened , M oth er? " "I a sk ed C onsta ntin e, ju st a s p la in a s d ay, 'I s th at w hat y o u to ld h er? I s th at h o w y o u c o ver y o ur mis ta k es? ' " This is th e p art I w as h o pin g w asn 't tr u e. T his is w hat I 'd h o ped A ib ile en h ad b een w ro ng a b out.
"I to ld L ula b elle th e tr u th . I to ld h er, 'Y our d ad dy d id n't die .
H e le ft th e d ay a fte r y o u w ere b orn .
And y o ur m am a h ad n't b een s ic k a d ay in h er lif e . S he g ave y o u u p b ecause y o u w ere to o h ig h yello w . S he d id n't w ant y o u.'" "W hy c o uld n't y o u le t h er b elie ve w hat C onsta ntin e to ld h er? C onsta ntin e w as s o s c are d s h e would n't lik e h er, th at's w hy s h e to ld h er th o se th in gs." "B ecause L ula b elle n eed ed to k no w th e tr u th . S he n eed ed to g o b ack to C hic ago w here s h e belo nged ." I le t m y h ead s in k in to m y h and s. T here is n o r e d eem in g p ie ce o f th e s to ry . I k no w w hy A ib ile en had n't w ante d to te ll m e. A c hild s h o uld n ever k no w th is a b out h er o w n m oth er.
"I n ever th o ught C onsta ntin e w ould g o to I llin o is w it h h er, E ugenia . H onestly , I w as . . . s o rry to s e e her g o ." "Y ou w ere n't ," I s a y. I th in k a b out C onsta ntin e, a fte r liv in g fif ty y ears in th e c o untr y , s it tin g in a tin y ap artm ent in C hic ago . H ow lo nely s h e m ust'v e fe lt . H ow b ad h er k nees m ust'v e fe lt in th at c o ld .
"I w as. A nd e ven th o ugh I to ld h er n o t to w rit e y o u, s h e p ro bab ly w ould 'v e, if th ere 'd b een m ore tim e." "M ore tim e?" "C onsta ntin e d ie d , S keete r. I s e nt h er a c heck , fo r h er b ir th d ay. T o th e a d dre ss I fo und fo r h er daughte r, b ut L ula b elle . . . s e nt it b ack . W it h a c o py o f th e o bit u ary ." " Consta ntin e . . ." I c ry . I w is h I 'd k no w n. " W hy d id n't y o u te ll m e, M am a?" Moth er s n if fs , k eep in g h er e yes s tr a ig ht a head . S he q uic k ly w ip es h er e yes. " B ecause I k new y o u'd bla m e m e w hen it - -it w asn 't m y fa ult ." "W hen d id s h e d ie ? H ow lo ng w as s h e liv in g in C hic ago ?" I a sk .
Moth er p ulls th e b asin c lo se r, h ugs it to h er s id e. " T hre e w eek s." AIB IL EEN O PEN S H ER b ack D O OR, le ts m e in . M in ny is s it tin g a t th e ta b le , s tir rin g h er c o ffe e.
When s h e s e es m e, s h e tu gs th e s le eve o f h er d re ss d ow n, b ut I s e e th e e d ge o f a w hit e b and age o n her a rm . S he g ru m ble s a h ello , th en g o es b ack to h er c up .
I p ut th e m anusc rip t d ow n o n th e ta b le w it h a th um p.
"If I m ail it in th e m orn in g, th at s till le aves s ix d ays fo r it to g et th ere . W e m ig ht ju st m ak e it ." I s m ile th ro ugh m y e xhaustio n.
"L aw , th at is s o m eth in g. L ook a t a ll th em p ages." A ib ile en g rin s a nd s it s o n h er s to ol. " T w o h und re d and s ix ty -six o f e m ." "N ow w e ju st . . . w ait a nd s e e," I s a y a nd w e a ll th re e s ta re a t th e s ta ck .
"F in ally ," M in ny s a ys, a nd I c an s e e th e h in t o f s o m eth in g, n o t e xactly a s m ile , b ut m ore lik e sa tis fa ctio n.
The r o om g ro w s q uie t. I t's d ark o uts id e th e w in d ow . T he p ost o ffic e is a lr e ad y c lo se d s o I b ro ught it over to s h o w to A ib ile en a nd M in ny o ne la st tim e b efo re I m ail it . U su ally , I o nly b rin g o ver s e ctio ns at a tim e.
"W hat if th ey fin d o ut? " A ib le en s a ys q uie tly .
Min ny lo oks u p fr o m h er c o ffe e.
"W hat if fo lk s fin d o ut N ic eville is J a ck so n o r fig ure o ut w ho w ho ." "T hey a in 't g o ne k no w ," M in ny s a ys. " J a ck so n a in 't n o s p ecia l p la ce. T hey's te n th o usa nd to w ns ju st lik e it ." We h aven't ta lk ed a b out th is in a w hile , a nd b esid es W in nie 's c o m ment a b out to ngues, w e'v e h aven't re ally d is c usse d th e a ctu al c o nse q uences b esid es th e m aid s lo sin g th eir jo bs. F or th e p ast e ig ht month s, a ll w e'v e th o ught a b out is ju st g ettin g it w rit te n.
"M in ny, y o u g o t y o ur k id s to th in k a b out," A ib ile en s a ys. " A nd L ero y . . . if h e fin d o ut . . ." The s u re ness in M in ny's e yes c hanges to s o m eth in g d artin g, p ara no id . " L ero y g o ne b e m ad . S ho nuff." S he tu gs a t h er s le eve a gain . " M ad th en s a d , if th e w hit e p eo ple c atc h h o ld a m e." "Y ou th in k m ayb e w e o ught to fin d a p la ce w e c o uld g o . . . in c ase it g et b ad ?" A ib ile en a sk s.
They b oth th in k a b out th is , th en s h ak e th eir h ead s. " I o n k no w w here w e'd g o ," M in ny s a ys.
"Y ou m ig ht th in k a b out th at, M is s S keete r. S om ew here fo r y o urs e lf ," A ib ile en s a ys.
"I c an't le ave M oth er," I s a y. I 'v e b een s ta nd in g a nd I s in k d ow n in to a c hair . " A ib ile en, d o y o u r e ally th in k th ey'd . . . h urt u s? I m ean, lik e w hat's in th e p ap ers ? " Aib ile en c o ck s h er h ead a t m e, c o nfu se d . S he w rin k le s h er fo re head lik e w e'v e h ad a mis u nd ers ta nd in g. " T hey'd b eat u s. T hey'd c o m e o ut h ere w it h b ase b all b ats . M ayb e th ey w on't k ill us b ut . . ." "B ut . . . w ho e xactly w ould d o th is ? T he w hit e w om en w e'v e w rit te n a b out . . . th ey w ould n't h urt us. W ould th ey?" I a sk .
"D on't y o u k no w , w hit e m ens lik e n o th in g b ette r th an 'p ro te ctin g' th e w hit e w om ens a th eir to w n?" My s k in p ric k le s. I 'm n o t s o a fr a id fo r m yse lf , b ut fo r w hat I 'v e d one to A ib ile en, to M in ny. T o Louvenia a nd F aye B elle a nd e ig ht o th er w om en. T he b ook is s it tin g th ere o n th e ta b le . I w ant to p ut it in m y s a tc hel a nd h id e it .
In ste ad , I lo ok to M in ny b ecause , fo r s o m e r e aso n, I th in k s h e's th e o nly o ne a m ong u s w ho r e ally und ers ta nd s w hat c o uld h ap pen. S he d oesn 't lo ok b ack a t m e, th o ugh. S he is lo st in th o ught. S he's ru nnin g h er th um bnail b ack a nd fo rth a cro ss h er lip .
"M in ny? W hat d o y o u th in k ?" I a sk .
Min ny k eep s h er e yes o n th e w in d ow , n o ds a t h er o w n th o ughts . " I th in k w hat w e n eed is s o m e in su ra nce ." "A in 't n o s u ch th in g," A ib ile en s a ys. " N ot fo r u s." "W hat if w e p ut th e T errib le A w fu l in th e b ook," M in ny a sk s.
"W e c an't , M in ny," A ib ile en s a ys. " It'd g iv e u s a w ay." "B ut if w e p ut it in th ere , th en M is s H illy ca n't le t a nyb ody fin d o ut th e b ook is a b out J a ck so n. S he don't w ant anyb ody to k no w th at s to ry 's a b out h er. A nd if th ey s ta rt g ettin g c lo se to fig urin g it o ut, sh e g o ne s te er e m th e o th er w ay." "L aw , M in ny, th at is to o r is k y. N obody c an p re d ic t w hat th at w om an g o ne d o." "N obody k no w th at s to ry b ut M is s H illy a nd h er o w n m am a," M in ny s a ys. " A nd M is s C elia , b ut s h e ain 't g o t n o fr ie nd s to te ll a nyw ay." "W hat h ap pened ?" I a sk . " Is it r e ally th at te rrib le ?" Aib ile en lo oks a t m e. M y e yeb ro w s g o u p .
"W ho s h e g o ne a d m it th at to ?" M in ny a sk s A ib ile en. " S he a in 't g o ne w ant y o u a nd M is s L eefo lt to get id entif ie d e it h er, A ib ile en, c ause th en p eo ple g o ne b e ju st o ne s te p a w ay. I 'm te llin g y o u, M is s Hilly is th e b est p ro te ctio n w e g o t." Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead , th en n o ds. T hen s h ak es it a gain . W e w atc h h er a nd w ait .
"If w e p ut th e T errib le A w fu l in th e b ook a nd p eo ple do fin d o ut th at w as y o u a nd M is s H illy , th en yo u in s o m uch tr o ub le "- -A ib ile en s h ud ders --"th ere a in 't e ven a n am e fo r it ." "T hat's a r is k I 'm ju st g o ne h ave to ta k e. I a lr e ad y m ad e u p m y m in d . E it h er p ut it in o r p ull m y p art out a lt o geth er." Aib ile en a nd M in ny's e yes h ang o n e ach o th er's . W e c an't p ull o ut M in ny's s e ctio n; it 's th e la st chap te r o f th e b ook. I t's a b out g ettin g fir e d n in ete en tim es in th e s a m e s m all to w n. A bout w hat it 's lik e tr y in g to k eep th e a nger in sid e, b ut n ever s u cceed in g. I t s ta rts w it h h er m oth er's r u le s o f h o w to work fo r w hit e w om en, a ll th e w ay u p to le avin g M is su s W alt e rs . I w ant to s p eak u p , b ut I k eep m y mouth s h ut.
Fin ally , A ib ile en s ig hs.
"A lr ig ht," A ib ile en s a ys, s h ak in g h er h ead . " I r e ck on y o u b ette r te ll h er, th en." Min ny n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. I p ull o ut a p encil a nd p ad .
"I'm o nly te llin g y o u fo r th e b ook, y o u u nd ers ta nd . A in 't n o body s h arin g n o h eartfe lt s e cre ts h ere ." "I'll m ak e u s s o m e m ore c o ffe e," A ib ile en s a ys.
On T H E D RIV E b ack to L ongle af, I s h ud der, th in k in g a b out M in ny's p ie s to ry . I d on't k no w if w e'd be s a fe r le avin g it o ut o r p uttin g it in . N ot to m entio n, if I c an't g et it w rit te n in tim e to m ak e th e m ail to m orro w , it w ill p ut u s y et a no th er d ay la te r, s h o rtin g o ur c hances to m ak e th e d ead lin e. I c an pic tu re th e r e d fu ry o n H illy 's fa ce, th e h ate s h e s till fe els fo r M in ny. I k no w m y o ld fr ie nd w ell. I f we'r e fo und o ut, H illy w ill b e o ur fie rc est e nem y. E ven if w e'r e n o t fo und o ut, p rin tin g th e p ie s to ry will p ut H illy in a r a ge lik e w e'v e n ever s e en. B ut M in ny's r ig ht- -it 's o ur b est in su ra nce.
I lo ok o ver m y s h o uld er e very q uarte r m ile . I k eep e xactly to th e s p eed lim it a nd s ta y o n th e b ack ro ad s.
They w ill b ea t u s r in gs in m y e ars .
I W RIT E A LL N IG HT, g rim acin g o ver th e d eta ils o f M in ny's s to ry , a nd a ll th e n ext d ay. A t fo ur in th e a fte rn o on, I ja m th e m anusc rip t in a c ard board le tte r b ox. I q uic k ly w ra p th e b ox in b ro w n p ap er wra p pin g. U su ally it ta k es s e ven o r e ig ht d ays, b ut it w ill s o m eho w h ave to g et to N ew Y ork C it y in six d ays to m ak e th e d ead lin e.
I s p eed to th e p ost o ffic e, k no w in g it c lo se s a t fo ur- th ir ty , d esp it e m y fe ar o f th e p olic e, a nd r u sh in sid e to th e w in d ow . I h aven't g o ne to s le ep s in ce n ig ht b efo re la st. M y h air is lit e ra lly s tic k in g str a ig ht u p in th e a ir . T he p ostm an's e yes w id en.
"W in d y o uts id e?" "P le ase . C an y o u g et th is o ut to day? I t's g o in g to N ew Y ork ." He lo oks a t th e a d dre ss. " O ut- a -to w n tr u ck 's g o ne, m a'a m . I t'll h ave to w ait u ntil m orn in g." He s ta m ps th e p osta ge a nd I h ead b ack h o m e.
As s o on a s I w alk in , I g o s tr a ig ht to th e p antr y a nd c all E la in e S te in 's o ffic e. H er s e cre ta ry p uts m e th ro ugh a nd I te ll h er, in a h o ars e , tir e d v o ic e, I m aile d th e m anusc rip t to day.
"T he la st e d it o rs ' m eetin g is in s ix d ays, E ugenia . N ot o nly w ill it h ave to g et h ere in tim e, I 'll h ave to have tim e to r e ad it . I 'd s a y it 's h ig hly u nlik ely ." There is n o th in g le ft to s a y, s o I ju st m urm ur, " I k no w . T hank y o u fo r th e c hance." A nd I a d d, "M erry C hris tm as, M is su s S te in ." "W e c all it H anuk kah, b ut th ank y o u, M is s P hela n." ch ap te r 2 8 A FTER I H ang u p th e p ho ne, I g o s ta nd o n th e p orc h a nd s ta re o ut a t th e c o ld la nd . I 'm s o d og- t ir e d I h ad n't e ven n o tic ed D octo r N eal's c ar is h ere . H e m ust'v e a rriv ed w hile I w as a t th e p ost o ffic e. I le an a gain st th e r a il a nd w ait fo r h im to c o m e o ut o f M oth er's r o om . D ow n th e h all, th ro ugh t h e o pen fr o nt d oor, I c an s e e th at h er b ed ro om d oor is c lo se d .
A lit tle w hile la te r, D octo r N eal g ently c lo se s h er d oor b ehin d h im a nd w alk s o ut to th e p orc h. H e s ta nd s b esid e m e.
" I g ave h er s o m eth in g to h elp th e p ain ," h e s a ys.
" T he . . . p ain ? W as M am a v o m it in g th is m orn in g?" O ld D octo r N eal s ta re s a t m e th ro ugh h is c lo ud y b lu e e yes. H e lo oks a t m e lo ng a nd h ard , a s if t r y in g to d ecid e s o m eth in g a b out m e. " Y our m oth er h as c ancer, E ugenia . I n th e lin in g o f th e s to m ach." I r e ach fo r th e s id e o f th e h o use . I 'm s h o ck ed a nd y et, d id n't I k no w th is ?
" S he d id n't w ant to te ll y o u." H e s h ak es h is h ead . " B ut s in ce s h e r e fu se s to s ta y in th e h o sp it a l, y o u n eed to k no w . T hese n ext fe w m onth s a re g o in g to b e . . . p re tty h ard ." H e r a is e s h is e yeb ro w s a t m e. " O n h er a nd y o u to o." " F ew m onth s? I s th at . . . a ll? " I c o ver m y m outh w it h m y h and , h ear m yse lf g ro an.
" M ayb e lo nger, m ayb e s o oner, h o ney." H e s h ak es h is h ead . " K no w in g y o ur m oth er, th o ugh," h e g la nces in to th e h o use , " s h e's g o in g to fig ht it lik e th e d evil. " I s ta nd th ere in a d aze , u nab le to s p eak .
" C all m e a nytim e, E ugenia . A t th e o ffic e o r a t h o m e." I w alk in to th e h o use , b ack to M oth er's r o om . D ad dy is o n th e s e tte e b y th e b ed , s ta rin g a t n o th in g.
M oth er is s it tin g s tr a ig ht u p . S he r o lls h er e yes w hen s h e s e es m e.
" W ell, I g uess h e to ld y o u," s h e s a ys.
T ears d rip o ff m y c hin . I h o ld h er h and s.
" H ow lo ng h ave y o u k no w n?" " A bout tw o m onth s." " O h, Mam a.
" " N ow s to p th at, E ugenia . I t c an't b e h elp ed ." " B ut w hat c an I . . . I c an't ju st s it h ere a nd w atc h y o u . . ." I c an't e ven s a y th e w ord . A ll th e w ord s a re to o a w fu l. "Y ou m ost c erta in ly w ill n o t ju st sit h ere . C arlt o n is g o in g to b e a la w yer a nd y o u . . ." S he s h ak es her fin ger a t m e. " D on't th in k y o u c an ju st le t y o urs e lf g o a fte r I 'm g o ne. I a m c allin g F anny M ae's th e m in ute I c an w alk to th e k it c hen a nd m ak e y o ur h air a p poin tm ents th ro ugh 1 975." I s in k d ow n o n th e s e tte e a nd D ad dy p uts h is a rm a ro und m e. I le an a gain st h im a nd c ry .
TH E C HRIS TM AS T R EE J a m eso p ut u p a w eek a go d rie s a nd d ro ps n eed le s e very tim e s o m eo ne walk s in to th e r e la xin g r o om . I t's s till s ix d ays u ntil C hris tm as, b ut n o o ne's b oth ere d to w ate r it . T he fe w p re se nts M oth er b ought a nd w ra p ped b ack in J u ly s it u nd er th e tr e e, o ne fo r D ad dy th at's obvio usly a c hurc h tie , s o m eth in g s m all a nd s q uare fo r C arlt o n, a h eavy b ox fo r m e th at I s u sp ect is a n ew B ib le . N ow th at e very o ne k no w s a b out M oth er's c ancer, it is a s if s h e's le t g o o f th e fe w th re ad s th at k ep t h er u p rig ht. T he m ario nette s tr in gs a re c ut, a nd e ven h er h ead lo oks w obbly o n it s post. T he m ost s h e c an d o is g et u p a nd g o to th e b ath ro om o r s it o n th e p orc h a fe w m in ute s e very day.
In th e a fte rn o on, I ta k e M oth er h er m ail, Good H ouse k eep in g m agazin e, c hurc h n ew sle tte rs , D AR up date s.
"H ow a re y o u?" I p ush h er h air b ack fr o m h er h ead a nd s h e c lo se s h er e yes lik e s h e r e lis h es th e fe el.
She is th e c hild n o w a nd I a m th e m oth er.
"I'm a lr ig ht." Pasc ago ula c o m es in . S he s e ts a tr a y o f b ro th o n th e ta b le . M oth er b are ly s h ak es h er h ead w hen s h e le aves, s ta rin g o ff a t th e e m pty d oorw ay.
"O h n o ," s h e s a ys, g rim acin g, " I c an't e at." "Y ou d on't h ave to e at, M am a. W e'll d o it la te r." "It's ju st n o t th e s a m e w it h P asc ago ula h ere , is it ? " s h e s a ys.
"N o," I s a y. " It's n o t." T his is th e fir s t tim e s h e's m entio ned C onsta ntin e s in ce o ur te rrib le d is c ussio n.
"T hey s a y it s lik e tr u e lo ve, g o od h elp . Y ou o nly g et o ne in a lif e tim e." I n o d, th in k in g h o w I o ught to g o w rit e th at d ow n, in clu d e it in th e b ook. B ut, o f c o urs e , it 's to o la te , it 's a lr e ad y b een m aile d . T here 's n o th in g I c an d o, th ere 's n o th in g a ny o f u s c an d o n o w , e xcep t w ait fo r w hat's c o m in g.
CHRIS TM AS E V E is D EPR ESSIN G a nd r a in y a nd w arm . E very h alf h o ur, D ad dy c o m es o ut o f Moth er's r o om a nd lo oks o ut th e fr o nt w in d ow a nd a sk s, " Is h e h ere ?" e ven if n o o ne's lis te nin g. M y bro th er, C arlt o n, is d riv in g h o m e to nig ht fr o m L SU la w s c ho ol a nd w e'll b oth b e r e lie ved to s e e h im .
All d ay, M oth er h as b een v o m it in g a nd d ry h eavin g. S he c an b are ly k eep h er e yes o pen, b ut s h e canno t s le ep .
"C harlo tte , y o u n eed to b e in th e h o sp it a l, " D octo r N eal s a id th at a fte rn o on. I d on't k no w h o w m any tim es h e's s a id th at in th e p ast w eek . " A t le ast le t m e g et th e n urs e o ut h ere to s ta y w it h y o u." "C harle s N eal, " M oth er s a id , n o t e ven r a is in g h er h ead fr o m th e m attr e ss, " I a m n o t s p end in g m y fin al d ays in a h o sp it a l, n o r w ill I tu rn m y o w n h o use in to o ne." Docto r N eal ju st s ig hed , g ave D ad dy m ore m ed ic in e, a n ew k in d , a nd e xp la in ed to h im h o w to g iv e it to h er.
"B ut w ill it h elp h er? " I h eard D ad dy w his p er o ut in th e h all. " C an it m ak e h er b ette r? " Docto r N eal p ut h is h and o n D ad dy's s h o uld er. " N o, C arlt o n." At s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht, C arlt o n fin ally p ulls u p , c o m es in th e h o use .
"H ey th ere , S keete r." H e h ugs m e to h im . H e is r u m ple d fr o m th e c ar d riv e, h and so m e in h is c o lle ge cab le -k nit s w eate r. T he fr e sh a ir o n h im s m ells g o od. I t's n ic e to h ave s o m eo ne e ls e h ere . " J e su s, why's it s o h o t in th is h o use ?" "S he's c o ld ," I s a y q uie tly , " a ll th e tim e." I g o w it h h im to th e b ack . M oth er s it s u p w hen s h e s e es h im , h o ld s h er th in a rm s o ut. " O h C arlt o n, yo u'r e h o m e," s h e s a ys.
Carlt o n s to ps s till. T hen h e b end s d ow n a nd h ugs h er, v ery g ently . H e g la nces b ack a t m e a nd I c an se e th e s h o ck o n h is fa ce. I tu rn a w ay. I c o ver m y m outh s o I d on't c ry , b ecause I w on't b e a b le to quit . C arlt o n's lo ok te lls m e m ore th an I w ant to k no w .
When S tu art d ro ps b y o n C hris tm as D ay, I d on't s to p h im w hen h e tr ie s to k is s m e. B ut I te ll h im , "I'm o nly le ttin g y o u b ecause m y m oth er is d yin g." "E U GEN IA ," I h ear M oth er c allin g. I t is N ew Y ear's E ve a nd I 'm in th e k it c hen g ettin g s o m e te a.
Chris tm as h as p asse d a nd J a m eso to ok th e tr e e o ut th is m orn in g. N eed le s s till lit te r th e h o use , b ut I'v e m anaged to p ut a w ay th e d eco ra tio ns a nd s to re th em b ack in th e c lo se t. I t w as tir in g a nd fr u str a tin g, tr y in g to w ra p e ach o rn am ent th e w ay M oth er lik es, to g et th em r e ad y fo r n ext y ear. I don't le t m yse lf q uestio n th e fu tilit y o f it . I'v e h eard n o th in g fr o m M is su s S te in a nd d on't e ven k no w if th e p ack age m ad e it o n tim e. L ast nig ht, I b ro ke d ow n a nd c alle d A ib ile en to te ll h er I 'v e h eard n o th in g, ju st fo r th e r e lie f o f ta lk in g ab out it to s o m eo ne. " I k eep th in k in g a th in gs to p ut in ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I h ave to r e m in d m yse lf w e alr e ad y d one s e nt it o ff." "M e to o," I s a y. " I'll c all y o u a s s o on a s I h ear s o m eth in g." I g o in th e b ack . M oth er is p ro pped u p o n h er p illo w s. T he g ra vit y o f s it tin g u p rig ht, w e'v e le arn ed , help s k eep th e v o m it d ow n. T he w hit e e nam el b ow l is b esid e h er.
"H ey, M am a," I s a y. " W hat c an I g et y o u?" "E ugenia , y o u c anno t w ear th o se s la ck s to th e H olb ro ok N ew Y ear's p arty ." W hen M oth er b lin k s, sh e k eep s h er e yes c lo se d a s e co nd to o lo ng. S he's e xhauste d , a s k ele to n in a w hit e d re ssin g g o w n wit h a b su rd ly fa ncy r ib bons a nd s ta rc hed la ce. H er n eck s w im s in th e n eck lin e lik e a n e ig hty -p ound sw an's . S he c anno t e at u nle ss it 's th ro ugh a s tr a w . S he's lo st h er p ow er o f s m ell c o m ple te ly . Y et s h e can s e nse , fr o m a n e ntir e ly d if fe re nt r o om , if m y w ard ro be is d is a p poin tin g.
"T hey c ancele d th e p arty , M am a." P erh ap s s h e is r e m em berin g H illy 's p arty la st y ear. F ro m w hat Stu art's to ld m e, a ll th e p artie s w ere c ancele d b ecause o f th e P re sid ent's d eath . N ot th at I 'd b e in vit e d a nyw ay. T onig ht, S tu art's c o m in g o ver to w atc h D ic k C la rk o n th e te le vis io n.
Moth er p la ces h er tin y, a ngula r h and o n m in e, s o fr a il th e jo in ts s h o w th ro ugh th e s k in . I w as Moth er's d re ss s iz e w hen I w as e le ven.
She lo oks a t m e e venly . " I th in k y o u n eed to g o o n a nd p ut th o se s la ck s o n th e lis t, n o w ." "B ut th ey'r e c o m fo rta b le a nd th ey'r e w arm a nd --" She s h ak es h er h ead , s h uts h er e yes. " I'm s o rry , S keete r." There is n o a rg uin g, a nym ore . " A l- rig ht," I s ig h.
Moth er p ulls th e p ad o f p ap er fr o m u nd er th e c o vers , tu ck ed in th e in vis ib le p ock et s h e's h ad s e w n in e very g arm ent, w here s h e k eep s a ntiv o m it in g p ills , tis su es. T in y d ic ta to ria l lis ts . E ven th o ugh s h e is so w eak , I 'm s u rp ris e d b y th e s te ad in ess o f h er h and a s s h e w rit e s o n th e " D o N ot W ear" lis t: " G ra y, sh ap ele ss, m annis h ly ta ilo re d p ants ." S he s m ile s, s a tis fie d .
It s o und s m acab re , b ut w hen M oth er r e aliz e d th at a fte r s h e's d ead , s h e w on't b e a b le to te ll m e w hat to w ear a nym ore , s h e c am e u p w it h th is in genio us p ostm orte m s y ste m . S he's a ssu m in g I 'll n ever g o buy n ew , u nsa tis fa cto ry c lo th es o n m y o w n. S he's p ro bab ly r ig ht.
"S till n o v o m it in g y et? " I a sk , b ecause it 's fo ur o 'c lo ck a nd M oth er's h ad tw o b ow ls o f b ro th a nd hasn 't b een s ic k o nce to day. U su ally s h e's th ro w n u p a t le ast th re e tim es b y n o w .
"N ot e ven o nce," s h e s a ys b ut th en s h e c lo se s h er e yes a nd w it h in s e co nd s, s h e's a sle ep .
On N EW Y EA R'S D AY, I c o m e d ow nsta ir s to s ta rt o n th e b la ck -e yed p eas fo r g o od lu ck .
Pasc ago ula s e t th em o ut to s o ak la st n ig ht, in str u cte d m e o n h o w to p ut th em in th e p ot a nd tu rn o n th e fla m e, p ut th e h am h o ck in w it h th em . I t's p re tty m uch a tw o-ste p p ro cess, y et e very o ne s e em s nerv o us a b out m e tu rn in g o n th e s to ve. I r e m em ber th at C onsta ntin e a lw ays u se d to c o m e b y o n Ja nuary fir s t a nd fix o ur g o od-lu ck p eas fo r u s, e ven th o ugh it w as h er d ay o ff. S he'd m ak e a w ho le pot b ut th en d eliv er o ne s in gle p ea o n a p la te to e very o ne in th e fa m ily a nd w atc h u s to m ak e s u re we a te it . S he c o uld b e s u p ers tit io us lik e th at. T hen s h e'd w ash th e d is h es a nd g o b ack h o m e. B ut Pasc ago ula d oesn 't o ffe r to c o m e in o n h er h o lid ay a nd , a ssu m in g s h e's w it h h er o w n fa m ily , I d on't ask h er to .
We'r e a ll s a d th at C arlt o n h ad to le ave th is m orn in g. I t's b een n ic e h avin g m y b ro th er a ro und to ta lk to . H is la st w ord s to m e, b efo re h e h ugged m e a nd h ead ed b ack to s c ho ol, w ere , " D on't b urn th e ho use d ow n." T hen h e a d ded , " I'll c all to m orro w , to s e e h o w s h e is ." Afte r I tu rn o ff th e fla m e, I w alk o ut o n th e p orc h. D ad dy's le anin g o n th e r a il, r o llin g c o tto n s e ed s aro und in h is fin gers . H e's s ta rin g a t th e e m pty fie ld s th at w on't b e p la nte d fo r a no th er m onth .
"D ad dy, y o u c o m in g in fo r lu nch?" I a sk . " T he p eas a re r e ad y." He tu rn s a nd h is s m ile is th in , s ta rv ed fo r r e aso n.
"T his m ed ic in e th ey g o t h er o n . . ." H e s tu d ie s h is s e ed s. " I th in k it 's w ork in g. S he k eep s s a yin g s h e fe els b ette r." I s h ak e m y h ead in d is b elie f. H e c an't r e ally b elie ve th is .
"S he's g o ne tw o d ays a nd o nly g o tte n s ic k o nce . . ." "O h, D ad dy. N o . . . it 's ju st a . . . D ad dy, s h e s till h as it ." But th ere 's a n e m pty lo ok in D ad dy's e yes a nd I w ond er if h e e ven h eard m e.
"I k no w y o u'v e g o t b ette r p la ces to b e, S keete r." T here a re te ars in h is e yes. " B ut n o t a d ay p asse s th at I d on't th ank G od y o u'r e h ere w it h h er." I n o d, fe el g uilt y th at h e th in k s it 's a c ho ic e I a ctu ally m ad e. I h ug h im , te ll h im , " I'm g la d I 'm h ere to o, D ad dy." WHEN T H E C LU B R EO PEN S th e fir s t w eek o f J a nuary , I p ut m y s k ir t o n a nd g ra b m y r a cq uet. I walk th ro ugh th e s n ack b ar, ig no rin g P ats y J o in er, m y o ld te nnis p artn er w ho d um ped m e, a nd th re e oth er g ir ls , a ll s m okin g a t th e b la ck ir o n ta b le s. T hey le an d ow n a nd w his p er to e ach o th er w hen I pass. I 'll b e s k ip pin g th e L eague m eetin g to nig ht, a nd fo re ver, fo r th at m atte r. I g ave in a nd s e nt a le tte r th re e d ays a go w it h m y r e sig natio n.
I s la m th e te nnis b all in to th e b ack board , tr y in g m y b est n o t to th in k a b out a nyth in g. L ate ly I 'v e fo und m yse lf p ra yin g, w hen I 'v e n ever b een a v ery r e lig io us p ers o n. I fin d m yse lf w his p erin g lo ng, never- e nd in g s e nte nces to G od, b eggin g fo r M oth er to fe el s o m e r e lie f, p le ad in g fo r g o od n ew s ab out th e b ook, s o m etim es e ven a sk in g fo r s o m e h in t o f w hat to d o a b out S tu art. O fte n I c atc h myse lf p ra yin g w hen I d id n't e ven k no w I w as d oin g it .
When I g et h o m e fr o m th e c lu b , D octo r N eal p ulls u p b ehin d m e in h is c ar. I ta k e h im b ack to Moth er's r o om , w here D ad dy's w ait in g, a nd th ey c lo se th e d oor b ehin d th em . I s ta nd th ere , fid getin g in th e h all lik e a k id . I c an s e e w hy D ad dy is h angin g o n to h is th re ad o f h o pe. M oth er's g o ne fo ur days n o w w it h o ut v o m it in g th e g re en b ile . S he's e atin g h er o atm eal e very d ay, e ven a sk ed fo r m ore .
When D octo r N eal c o m es o ut, D ad dy s ta ys in th e c hair b y th e b ed a nd I fo llo w D octo r N eal o ut to th e p orc h.
"S he to ld y o u?" I a sk . " A bout h o w s h e's fe elin g b ette r? " He n o ds, b ut th en s h ak es h is h ead . " T here 's n o p oin t in b rin gin g h er in fo r a n X -ra y. I t w ould ju st b e to o h ard o n h er." "B ut . . . is s h e? C ould s h e b e im pro vin g?" "I'v e s e en th is b efo re , E ugenia . S om etim es p eo ple g et a b urs t o f s tr e ngth . I t's a g if t fr o m G od, I guess. S o th ey c an g o o n a nd fin is h th eir b usin ess. B ut th at's a ll it is , h o ney. D on't e xp ect a nyth in g more ." "B ut d id y o u s e e h er c o lo r? S he lo oks s o m uch b ette r a nd s h e's k eep in g th e fo od--" He s h ak es h is h ead . " J u st tr y a nd k eep h er c o m fo rta b le ." On T H E F IR ST F R ID AY O F 1 964, I c an't w ait a ny lo nger. I s tr e tc h th e p ho ne in to th e p antr y .
Moth er is a sle ep , a fte r h avin g e ate n a s e co nd b ow l o f o atm eal. H er d oor is o pen s o I c an h ear h er, in c ase s h e c alls .
"E la in e S te in 's o ffic e." "H ello , it 's E ugenia P hela n, c allin g lo ng-d is ta nce. I s s h e a vaila b le ?" "I'm s o rry , M is s P hela n, b ut M is su s S te in is n 't ta k in g a ny c alls r e gard in g h er m anusc rip t s e le ctio n." "O h. B ut . . . c an y o u a t le ast te ll m e if s h e r e ceiv ed it ? I m aile d it ju st b efo re th e d ead lin e a nd --" "O ne m om ent p le ase ." The p ho ne g o es s ile nt, a nd a m in ute o r s o la te r s h e c o m es b ack .
"I c an c o nfir m th at w e d id r e ceiv e y o ur p ack age a t s o m e p oin t d urin g th e h o lid ays. S om eo ne fr o m our o ffic e w ill n o tif y y o u a fte r M is su s S te in h as m ad e h er d ecis io n. T hank y o u fo r c allin g." I h ear th e lin e o n th e o th er e nd c lic k .
A F EW N IG HTS L ATER , a fte r a r iv etin g a fte rn o on a nsw erin g M is s M yrn a le tte rs , S tu art a nd I s it in th e r e la xin g r o om . I 'm g la d to s e e h im a nd to e ra d ic ate , fo r a w hile , th e d ead ly s ile nce o f th e ho use . W e s it q uie tly , w atc hin g te le vis io n. A T are yto n a d c o m es o n, th e o ne w here th e g ir l s m okin g th e c ig are tte h as a b la ck e ye-- Us T a re yto n s m okers w ould r a th er f ig ht t h an s w it c h !
Stu art a nd I h ave b een s e ein g e ach o th er o nce a w eek n o w . W e w ent to a m ovie a fte r C hris tm as and o nce to d in ner in to w n, b ut u su ally h e c o m es o ut to th e h o use b ecause I d on't w ant to le ave Moth er. H e is h esit a nt a ro und m e, k in d o f r e sp ectfu lly s h y. T here is a p atie nce in h is e yes th at re p la ces m y o w n p anic th at I fe lt w it h h im b efo re . W e d on't ta lk a b out a nyth in g s e rio us. H e te lls m e sto rie s a b out th e s u m mer, d urin g c o lle ge, h e s p ent w ork in g o n th e o il r ig s in th e G ulf o f M exic o . T he sh o w ers w ere s a lt w ate r. T he o cean w as c ry sta l c le ar b lu e to th e b otto m . T he o th er m en w ere d oin g th is b ru ta l w ork to fe ed th eir fa m ilie s w hile S tu art, a r ic h k id w it h r ic h p are nts , h ad c o lle ge to g o back to . I t w as th e fir s t tim e, h e s a id , h e'd r e ally h ad to w ork h ard .
"I'm g la d I d rille d o n th e r ig b ack th en. I c o uld n't g o o ff a nd d o it n o w ," h e'd s a id , lik e it w as a ges ago a nd n o t fiv e y ears b ack . H e s e em s o ld er th an I r e m em ber.
"W hy c o uld n't y o u d o it n o w ?" I a sk ed , b ecause I a m lo okin g fo r a fu tu re fo r m yse lf . I lik e to h ear ab out th e p ossib ilit ie s o f o th ers .
He fu rro w ed h is b ro w a t m e. " B ecause I c o uld n't le ave y o u." I tu ck ed th is a w ay, a fr a id to a d m it h o w g o od it w as to h ear it .
The c o m merc ia l is o ver a nd w e w atc h th e n ew s r e p ort. T here is a s k ir m is h in V ie tn am . T he r e p orte r se em s to th in k s it 'll b e s o lv ed w it h o ut m uch fu ss.
"L is te n," S tu art s a ys a fte r a w hile o f s ile nce b etw een u s. " I d id n't w ant to b rin g th is u p b efo re b ut . . .
I k no w w hat p eo ple a re s a yin g in to w n. A bout y o u. A nd I d on't c are . I ju st w ant y o u to k no w th at." My fir s t th o ught is th e b ook.
H e's h eard s o m eth in g. M y e ntir e b ody g o es te nse . " W hat d id y o u hear? " "Y ou k no w . A bout th at tr ic k y o u p la yed o n H illy ." I r e la x s o m e, b ut n o t c o m ple te ly . I 'v e n ever ta lk ed to a nyo ne a b out th is e xcep t H illy h ers e lf . I wond er if H illy e ver c alle d h im lik e s h e'd th re ate ned .
"A nd I c o uld s e e h o w p eo ple w ould ta k e it , th in k y o u'r e s o m e k in d o f c ra zy lib era l, in vo lv ed in a ll th at m ess." I s tu d y m y h and s, s till w ary o f w hat h e m ig ht h ave h eard , a nd a lit tle ir rit a te d to o. " H ow d o y o u kno w ," I a sk , " w hat I 'm in vo lv ed in ?" "B ecause I k no w y o u, S keete r," h e s a ys s o ftly . " Y ou'r e to o s m art to g et m ix ed u p in a nyth in g lik e th at. A nd I to ld th em , to o." I n o d, tr y to s m ile . D esp it e w hat h e th in k s h e " k no w s" a b out m e, I c an't h elp b ut a p pre cia te th at so m eo ne o ut th ere c are s e no ugh to s ta nd u p fo r m e.
"W e d on't h ave to ta lk a b out th is a gain ," h e s a ys. " I ju st w ante d y o u to k no w . T hat's a ll. " On S ATU RD AY E V EN IN G, I s a y g o od n ig ht to M oth er. I h ave a lo ng c o at o n s o s h e c an't s e e m y outfit . I k eep th e lig hts o ff s o s h e c an't c o m ment o n m y h air . V ery lit tle h as c hanged w it h h er h ealt h .
She d oesn 't s e em to b e g ettin g a ny w ors e --th e v o m it in g is s till a t b ay--b ut h er s k in is g ra yis h w hit e .
Her h air h as s ta rte d to fa ll o ut. I h o ld h er h and s, b ru sh h er c heek .
"D ad dy, y o u'll c all th e r e sta ura nt if y o u n eed m e?" "I w ill, S keete r. G o h ave s o m e fu n." I g et in S tu art's c ar a nd h e ta k es m e to th e R obert E . L ee fo r d in ner. T he r o om is g aud y w it h g o w ns, re d r o se s, s ilv er s e rv ic e c lin k in g. T here is e xcit e m ent in th e a ir , th e fe elin g th at th in gs a re a lm ost b ack to n o rm al s in ce P re sid ent K enned y d ie d ; 1 964 is a fr e sh , n ew y ear. T he g la nces o ur w ay a re ab und ant.
"Y ou lo ok . . . d if fe re nt," S tu art s a ys. I c an te ll h e's b een h o ld in g in th is c o m ment a ll n ig ht, a nd h e se em s m ore c o nfu se d th an im pre sse d . " T hat d re ss, it 's s o . . . s h o rt." I n o d a nd p ush m y h air b ack . T he w ay h e u se d to d o.
This m orn in g, I to ld M oth er I w as g o in g s h o ppin g. S he lo oked s o tir e d th o ugh, I q uic k ly c hanged my m in d . " M ayb e I s h o uld n't g o ." But I 'd a lr e ad y s a id it . M oth er h ad m e fe tc h th e b ig c heck book. W hen I c am e b ack s h e to re o ut a bla nk c heck a nd th en h and ed m e a h und re d -d olla r b ill s h e h ad fo ld ed in th e s id e o f h er w alle t. J u st th e w ord sh oppin g s e em ed to 'v e m ad e h er fe el b ette r.
"D on't b e fr u gal, n o w . A nd n o s la ck s. M ak e s u re M is s L aV ole h elp s y o u." S he r e ste d h er h ead b ack in h er p illo w s. " S he k no w s h o w y o ung g ir ls s h o uld d re ss." But I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M is s L aV ole 's w rin k le d h and s o n m y b ody, s m ellin g o f c o ffe e a nd moth b alls . I d ro ve r ig ht th ro ugh d ow nto w n a nd g o t o n H ig hw ay 5 1 a nd h ead ed fo r N ew O rle ans. I dro ve th ro ugh th e g uilt o f le avin g M oth er fo r s o lo ng, k no w in g th at D octo r N eal w as c o m in g b y th at afte rn o on a nd D ad dy w ould b e h o m e a ll d ay w it h h er.
Thre e h o urs la te r, I w alk ed in to M ais o n B la nche's d ep artm ent s to re o n C anal S tr e et. I 'd b een th ere um pte en tim es w it h M oth er a nd tw ic e w it h E liz a b eth a nd H illy , b ut I w as m esm eriz e d b y th e v ast whit e m arb le flo ors , th e m ile s o f h ats a nd g lo ves a nd p ow dere d la d ie s lo okin g s o h ap py, s o hea lt h y .
Befo re I c o uld a sk fo r h elp , a th in m an s a id , " C om e w it h m e, I h ave it a ll u p sta ir s ," a nd w his k ed m e in th e e le vato r to th e th ir d flo or, to a r o om c alle d M ODER N W OM EN 'S W EA R.
"W hat is a ll th is ? " I a sk ed . T here w ere d oze ns o f w om en a nd r o ck -a nd -ro ll p la yin g a nd c ham pagne gla sse s a nd b rig ht g lit te rin g lig hts .
"E m ilio P ucci, d arlin g. F in ally !" H e s te p ped b ack fr o m m e a nd s a id , " A re n't y o u h ere fo r th e pre vie w ? Y ou d o h ave a n in vit a tio n, d on't y o u?" "U m, s o m ew here ," I s a id , b ut h e lo st in te re st a s I fa k ed th ro ugh m y h and bag.
All a ro und m e, c lo th es lo oked lik e th ey'd s p ro ute d r o ots a nd b lo om ed o n th eir h angers . I th o ught o f Mis s L aV ole a nd la ughed . N o e aste r- e gg s u it s h ere . F lo w ers ! B ig b rig ht s tr ip es! A nd h em lin es th at sh o w ed se v era l in ch es o f t h ig h.
I t w as e le ctr ic a nd g o rg eo us a nd d iz zy in g. T his E m ilio P ucci chara cte r m ust s tic k h is fin ger in a s o ck et e very m orn in g.
I b ought w it h m y b la nk c heck e no ugh c lo th es to fill th e b ack s e at o f th e C ad illa c. T hen o n M agazin e Str e et, I p aid fo rty -fiv e d olla rs to h ave m y h air lig hte ned a nd tr im med a nd ir o ned s tr a ig ht. I t h ad gro w n lo nger o ver th e w in te r a nd w as th e c o lo r o f d ir ty d is h w ate r. B y fo ur o 'c lo ck I w as d riv in g back o ver th e L ak e P ontc hartr a in b rid ge w it h th e r a d io p la yin g a b and c alle d th e R ollin g S to nes a nd th e w in d b lo w in g th ro ugh m y s a tin y, s tr a ig ht h air , a nd I th o ught, To nig ht, I 'l l s tr ip o ff a ll t h is a rm or and le t it b e a s it w as b efo re w it h S tu art.
STU ART a nd I e at o ur C hate aub ria nd , s m ilin g, ta lk in g. H e lo oks o ff a t th e o th er ta b le s, c o m mentin g on p eo ple h e k no w s. B ut n o o ne g ets u p to te ll u s h ello .
"H ere 's to n ew b egin nin gs," S tu art s a ys a nd r a is e s h is b ourb on.
I n o d, s o rt o f w antin g to te ll h im th at a ll b egin nin gs a re n ew . I n ste ad , I s m ile a nd to ast w it h m y se co nd g la ss o f w in e. I 'v e n ever r e ally lik ed a lc o ho l, u ntil to day.
Afte r d in ner, w e w alk o ut in to th e lo bby a nd s e e S enato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth a t a ta b le , h avin g drin k s. P eo ple a re a ro und th em d rin k in g a nd ta lk in g. T hey a re h o m e fo r th e w eek end , S tu art to ld me e arlie r, th eir fir s t s in ce th ey m oved to W ash in gto n.
"S tu art, th ere a re y o ur p are nts . S ho uld w e g o s a y h ello ?" But S tu art s te ers m e to w ard th e d oor, p ra ctic ally p ush es m e o uts id e. "I d on't w ant M oth er to s e e y o u in th at s h o rt d re ss," h e s a ys. " I m ean, b elie ve m e, it lo oks g re at o n yo u, b ut . . ." H e lo oks d ow n a t th e h em lin e. " M ayb e th at w asn 't th e b est c ho ic e fo r to nig ht." O n th e rid e h o m e, I th in k o f E liz a b eth , in h er c urle rs , a fr a id th e b rid ge c lu b w ould s e e m e. W hy is it th at so m eo ne a lw ays s e em s to b e a sh am ed o f m e?
By th e tim e w e m ak e it b ack to L ongle af, it 's e le ven o 'c lo ck . I s m ooth m y d re ss, th in k in g S tu art is rig ht. I t is to o s h o rt. T he lig hts in m y p are nts ' b ed ro om a re o ff, s o w e s it o n th e s o fa .
I r u b m y e yes a nd y aw n. W hen I o pen th em , h e's h o ld in g a r in g b etw een h is fin gers .
"O h . . . J e su s." "I w as g o in g to d o it a t th e r e sta ura nt b ut . . ." H e g rin s. " H ere is b ette r." I to uch th e r in g. I t is c o ld a nd g o rg eo us. T hre e r u b ie s a re s e t o n b oth s id es o f th e d ia m ond . I lo ok up a t h im , fe elin g v ery h o t a ll o f a s u d den. I p ull m y s w eate r o ff m y s h o uld ers . I a m s m ilin g a nd a b out to c ry a t th e s a m e tim e.
"I h ave to te ll y o u s o m eth in g, S tu art," I b lu rt o ut. " D o y o u p ro m is e y o u w on't te ll a nyo ne?" He s ta re s a t m e a nd la ughs. " H ang o n, d id y o u s a y y es? " "Y es, b ut . . ." I h ave to k no w s o m eth in g fir s t. " C an I ju st h ave y o ur w ord ?" He s ig hs, lo oks d is a p poin te d th at I 'm r u in in g h is m om ent. " S ure , y o u h ave m y w ord ." I a m in s h o ck fr o m h is p ro posa l b ut I d o m y b est to e xp la in . L ookin g in to h is e yes, I s p re ad o ut th e fa cts a nd w hat d eta ils I c an s a fe ly s h are a b out th e b ook a nd w hat I 'v e b een d oin g o ver th e p ast year. I le ave o ut e very o ne's n am e a nd I p ause a t th e im plic atio n o f th is , k no w in g it 's n o t g o od. E ven th o ugh h e is a sk in g to b e m y h usb and , I d on't k no w h im e no ugh to tr u st h im c o m ple te ly .
"T his is w hat y o u'v e b een w rit in g a b out fo r th e p ast tw elv e m onth s? N ot . . . J e su s C hris t? " "N o, S tu art. N ot . . . J e su s." When I te ll h im th at H illy fo und th e J im C ro w la w s in m y s a tc hel, h is c hin d ro ps a nd I c an s e e th at I'v e c o nfir m ed s o m eth in g H illy a lr e ad y to ld h im a b out m e--so m eth in g h e h ad th e n aiv e tr u st n o t to belie ve.
"T he ta lk ... in to w n. I to ld th em th ey w ere d ead w ro ng. B ut th ey w ere . . . r ig ht." When I te ll h im a b out th e c o lo re d m aid s filin g p ast m e a fte r th e p ra yer m eetin g, I fe el a s w ell o f p rid e over w hat w e'v e d one. H e lo oks d ow n in to h is e m pty b ourb on g la ss.
Then I te ll h im th at th e m anusc rip t h as b een s e nt to N ew Y ork . T hat if th ey d ecid e to p ub lis h it , it would c o m e o ut in , m y g uess is , e ig ht m onth s, m ayb e s o oner. R ig ht a ro und th e tim e, I th in k to myse lf , a n e ngagem ent w ould tu rn in to a w ed din g.
"It's b een w rit te n a no nym ously ," I s a y, " b ut w it h H illy a ro und , th ere 's s till a g o od c hance p eo ple w ill kno w it w as m e." But h e's n o t n o ddin g h is h ead o r p ush in g m y h air b ehin d m y e ar a nd h is g ra nd m oth er's r in g is s it tin g on M oth er's v elv et s o fa lik e s o m e r id ic ulo us m eta p ho r. W e a re b oth s ile nt. H is e yes d on't e ven m eet min e. T hey s ta y a s te ad y tw o in ches to th e r ig ht o f m y fa ce.
Afte r a m in ute , h e s a ys, " I ju st . . . I d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy y o u w ould d o th is . W hy d o y o u e ven . . .
ca re a b out th is , S keete r? " I b ris tle , lo ok d ow n a t th e r in g, s o s h arp a nd s h in y.
"I d id n't . . . m ean it lik e th at," h e s ta rts a gain . " W hat I m ean is , th in gs a re fin e a ro und h ere . W hy would y o u w ant to g o s tir rin g u p tr o ub le ?" I c an te ll, in h is v o ic e, h e s in cere ly w ants a n a nsw er fr o m m e. B ut h o w to e xp la in it ? H e is a g o od man, S tu art. A s m uch a s I k no w th at w hat I 'v e d one is r ig ht, I c an s till u nd ers ta nd h is c o nfu sio n a nd doub t.
"I'm n o t m ak in g tr o ub le , S tu art. T he tr o ub le is a lr e ad y h ere ." But c le arly , th is is n 't th e a nsw er h e is lo okin g fo r. " I d on't k no w y o u." I lo ok d ow n, r e m em berin g th at I 'd th o ught th is s a m e th in g o nly m om ents a go . " I g uess w e'll h ave th e re st o f o ur liv es to fix th at," I s a y, tr y in g to s m ile .
"I d on't . . . th in k I c an m arry s o m eb ody I d on't k no w ." I s u ck in a b re ath . M y m outh o pens b ut I c an't s a y a nyth in g fo r a lit tle w hile .
"I h ad to te ll y o u," I s a y, m ore to m yse lf th an h im . " Y ou n eed ed to k no w ." He s tu d ie s m e fo r a fe w m om ents . " Y ou h ave m y w ord . I w on't te ll a nyo ne," h e s a ys, a nd I b elie ve him . H e m ay b e m any th in gs, S tu art, b ut h e's n o t a lia r.
He s ta nd s u p . H e g iv es m e o ne la st, lo st lo ok. A nd th en h e p ic k s u p th e r in g a nd w alk s o ut.
TH AT N IG HT, a fte r S tu art h as le ft, I w and er fr o m r o om to r o om , d ry -m outh ed , c o ld . C old is w hat I'd p ra yed fo r w hen S tu art le ft m e th e fir s t tim e. C old is w hat I g o t.
At m id nig ht, I h ear M oth er's v o ic e c allin g fr o m h er b ed ro om .
"E ugenia ? I s th at y o u?" I w alk d ow n th e h all. T he d oor is h alf o pen a nd M oth er is s it tin g u p in h er s ta rc hy w hit e n ig htg o w n.
Her h air is d ow n a ro und h er s h o uld ers . I a m s tr u ck b y h o w b eautif u l s h e lo oks. T he b ack p orc h lig ht is o n, c astin g a w hit e h alo a ro und h er e ntir e b ody. S he s m ile s a nd h er n ew d entu re s a re s till in , th e ones D r. S im on c ast fo r h er w hen h er te eth s ta rtin g e ro din g fr o m th e s to m ach a cid . H er s m ile is whit e r, e ven, th an in h er te en p ageant p ic tu re s.
"M am a, w hat c an I g et y o u? I s it b ad ?" "C om e h ere , E ugenia . I w ant to te ll y o u s o m eth in g." I g o to h er q uie tly . D ad dy is a lo ng s le ep in g lu m p, h is b ack to h er. A nd I th in k , I c o uld te ll h er a bette r v ers io n o f to nig ht. W e a ll k no w th ere 's v ery lit tle tim e. I c o uld m ak e h er h ap py in h er la st days, p re te nd th at th e w ed din g is g o in g to h ap pen.
"I h ave s o m eth in g to te ll y o u, to o," I s a y.
"O h? Y ou g o fir s t." "S tu art p ro pose d ," I s a y, fa k in g a s m ile . T hen I p anic , k no w in g s h e'll a sk to s e e th e r in g.
"I k no w ," s h e s a ys.
"Y ou d o?" She n o ds. " O f c o urs e . H e c am e b y h ere tw o w eek s a go a nd a sk ed C arlt o n a nd m e fo r y o ur h and ." Tw o w eek s a go ? I a lm ost la ugh. O f c o urs e M oth er w as th e fir s t to k no w s o m eth in g s o im porta nt.
I'm h ap py s h e's h ad s o lo ng to e njo y th e n ew s.
"A nd I h ave s o m eth in g to te ll y o u," s h e s a ys. T he g lo w a ro und M oth er is u nearth ly , p ho sp ho re sc ent.
It's fr o m th e p orc h lig ht, b ut I w ond er w hy I 'v e n ever s e en it b efo re . S he c la sp s m y h and in th e a ir wit h th e h ealt h y g rip o f a m oth er h o ld in g h er n ew ly e ngaged d aughte r. D ad dy s tir s , th en s it s s tr a ig ht up .
"W hat? " h e g asp s. " A re y o u s ic k ?" "N o, C arlt o n. I 'm fin e. I to ld y o u." He n o ds n um bly , c lo se s h is e yes, a nd is a sle ep b efo re h e h as e ven la in d ow n a gain .
"W hat's y o ur n ew s, M am a?" "I'v e h ad a lo ng ta lk w it h y o ur d ad dy a nd I h ave m ad e a d ecis io n." "O h G od," I s ig h. I c an ju st s e e h er e xp la in in g it to S tu art w hen h e a sk ed fo r m y h and . " Is th is a b out th e tr u st fu nd ?" "N o, it 's n o t th at," s h e s a ys a nd I th in k , Then it m ust b e s o m eth in g a bout t h e w ed din g.
I fe el a sh ud derin g s a d ness th at M oth er w ill n o t b e h ere to p la n m y w ed din g, n o t o nly b ecause s h e'll b e dead , b ut b ecause th ere is n o w ed din g. A nd y et, I a ls o fe el a h o rrif y in gly g uilt y r e lie f th at I w on't have to g o th ro ugh th is w it h h er.
"N ow I k no w y o u'v e n o tic ed th at th in gs h ave b een o n th e u p tic k th ese p ast fe w w eek s," s h e s a ys.
"A nd I k no w w hat D octo r N eal s a ys, th at it 's s o m e k in d o f la st s tr e ngth , s o m e n o nse nse a b --" S he co ughs a nd h er th in b ody a rc hes o ver lik e a s h ell. I g iv e h er a tis su e a nd s h e fr o w ns, d ab s a t h er mouth .
"B ut a s I s a id , I h ave m ad e a d ecis io n." I n o d, lis te nin g, w it h th e s a m e n um bness a s m y fa th er a m om ent a go .
"I h ave d ecid ed n o t to d ie ." "O h . . . M am a. G od, p le ase . . ." "T oo la te ," s h e s a ys, w avin g m y h and a w ay. " I'v e m ad e m y d ecis io n a nd th at's th at." She s lid es h er p alm s a cro ss e ach o th er, a s if th ro w in g th e c ancer a w ay. S it tin g s tr a ig ht a nd p rim in her g o w n, th e h alo o f lig ht g lo w in g a ro und h er h air , I c an't k eep fr o m r o llin g m y e yes. H ow d um b o f me. O f c o urs e M oth er w ill b e a s o bstin ate a b out h er d eath a s s h e h as b een a b out e very d eta il o f h er lif e .
TH E D ATE I S F R ID AY, J A N UARY 1 8, 1 964. I h ave o n a b la ck A -lin e d re ss. M y fin gern ails a re all b it te n o ff. I w ill r e m em ber e very d eta il o f th is d ay, I th in k , th e w ay p eo ple a re s a yin g th ey'll n ever fo rg et w hat k in d o f s a nd w ic h th ey w ere e atin g, o r th e s o ng o n th e r a d io , w hen th ey fo und o ut Kenned y w as s h o t.
I w alk in to w hat h as b eco m e s u ch a fa m ilia r s p ot to m e, th e m id dle o f A ib ile en's k it c hen. I t is alr e ad y d ark o uts id e a nd th e y ello w b ulb s e em s v ery b rig ht. I lo ok a t M in ny a nd s h e lo oks a t m e.
Aib ile en e d ges b etw een u s a s if to b lo ck s o m eth in g.
"H arp er a nd R ow ," I s a y, " w ants to p ub lis h it ." Every o ne is q uie t. E ven th e flie s s to p b uzzin g.
"Y ou k id din g m e," s a ys M in ny.
"I s p oke to h er th is a fte rn o on." Aib ile en le ts o ut a w ho op lik e I 'v e n ever h eard c o m e o ut o f h er b efo re . " L aw , I c an't b elie ve it ! " s h e ho lle rs , a nd th en w e a re h uggin g, A ib ile en a nd m e, th en M in ny a nd A ib ile en. M in ny lo oks in m y genera l d ir e ctio n.
"S it d ow n, y 'a ll! " A ib ile en s a ys. " T ell m e w hat s h e s a y? W hat a w e d o n o w ? L aw , I a in 't e ven g o t n o co ffe e r e ad y!" We s it a nd th ey b oth s ta re a t m e, le anin g fo rw ard . A ib ile en's e yes a re b ig . I 'v e b een w ait in g a t h o m e wit h th e n ew s fo r fo ur h o urs . M is su s S te in to ld m e, c le arly , th is is a v ery s m all d eal. K eep o ur exp ecta tio ns b etw een lo w a nd n o nexis te nt. I fe el o blig ate d to c o m munic ate th is to A ib ile en s o s h e doesn 't e nd u p d is a p poin te d . I 'v e h ard ly e ven fig ure d o ut h o w I s h o uld fe el a b out it m yse lf .
"L is te n, s h e s a id n o t to g et to o e xcit e d . T hat th e n um ber o f c o pie s th ey'r e g o in g to p ut o ut is g o in g to be v ery , very s m all. " I w ait fo r A ib ile en to fr o w n, b ut s h e g ig gle s. S he tr ie s to h id e it w it h h er h and .
"P ro bab ly o nly a fe w th o usa nd c o pie s." Aib ile en p re sse s h er h and h ard er a gain st h er lip s.
" Path etic . . . M is su s S te in c alle d it ." Aib ile en's fa ce is tu rn in g d ark er. S he g ig gle s a gain in to h er k nuck le s. C le arly s h e's n o t g ettin g th is .
"A nd s h e s a id it 's o ne o f th e s m alle st a d vances s h e's e ver s e en . . ." I a m tr y in g to b e s e rio us b ut I can't b ecause A ib ile en is c le arly a b out to b urs t. T ears a re c o m in g u p in h er e yes.
"H ow . . . s m all? " s h e a sk s b ehin d h er h and .
"E ig ht h und re d d olla rs ," I s a y. " D iv id ed th ir te en w ays." Aib ile en s p lit s o pen in la ughte r. I c an't h elp b ut la ugh w it h h er. B ut it m ak es n o s e nse . A fe w th o usa nd c o pie s a nd $ 61.5 0 a p ers o n?
Tears r u n d ow n A ib ile en's fa ce a nd fin ally s h e ju st la ys h er h ead o n th e ta b le . " I d on't k no w w hy I 'm la ughin g. I t ju st s e em s o fu nny a ll a s u d den." Min ny r o lls h er e yes a t u s. " I knew y 'a ll c ra zy. B oth a y o u." I d o m y b est to te ll th em th e d eta ils . I h ad n't a cte d m uch b ette r o n th e p ho ne w it h M is su s S te in .
She'd s o und ed s o m atte r- o f- fa ct, a lm ost u nin te re ste d . A nd w hat d id I d o? D id I r e m ain b usin esslik e and a sk p ertin ent q uestio ns? D id I th ank h er fo r ta k in g o n s u ch a r is k y to pic ? N o, in ste ad o f la ughin g, I s ta rte d b lu b berin g in to th e p ho ne, c ry in g lik e a k id g ettin g a p olio s h o t.
"C alm d ow n, M is s P hela n," s h e'd s a id , " th is is h ard ly g o in g to b e a b est- se lle r," b ut I ju st k ep t c ry in g while s h e fe d m e th e d eta ils . " W e'r e o nly o ffe rin g a fo ur- h und re d -d olla r a d vance a nd th en a no th er fo ur h und re d d olla rs w hen it 's fin is h ed ... a re y o u . . . lis te nin g?" "Y e-y es m a'a m ." "A nd th ere 's d efin it e ly s o m e e d it in g y o u h ave to d o. T he S ara h s e ctio n is in th e b est s h ap e," s h e'd sa id , a nd I te ll A ib ile en th is th ro ugh h er fit s a nd s n o rts .
Aib ile en s n if fs , w ip es h er e yes, s m ile s. W e fin ally c alm d ow n, d rin k in g c o ffe e th at M in ny h ad to g et up a nd p ut o n fo r u s.
"S he r e ally lik es G ertr u d e, to o," I s a y to M in ny. I p ic k u p th e p ap er a nd r e ad th e q uo te I 'd w rit te n so I w ould n't fo rg et it . " 'G ertr u d e is e very S outh ern w hit e w om an's n ig htm are . I a d ore h er.' " For a s e co nd , M in ny a ctu ally lo oks m e in th e e ye. H er fa ce s o fte ns in to a c hild lik e s m ile . " S he s a y th at? B out m e?" Aib ile en la ughs. " It's lik e s h e k no w y o u fr o m fiv e h und re d m ile s a w ay." "S he s a id it 'll b e a t le ast s ix m onth s u ntil it c o m es o ut. S om etim e in A ugust." Aib ile en is s till s m ilin g, c o m ple te ly u nd ete rre d b y a nyth in g I 'v e s a id . A nd h o nestly , I 'm g ra te fu l fo r th is . I k new s h e'd b e e xcit e d , b ut I w as a fr a id s h e'd b e a lit tle d is a p poin te d , to o. S eein g h er m ak es me r e aliz e , I 'm n o t d is a p poin te d a t a ll. I 'm ju st h ap py.
We s it a nd ta lk a no th er fe w m in ute s, d rin k in g c o ffe e a nd te a, u ntil I lo ok a t m y w atc h. " I to ld D ad dy I'd b e h o m e in a n h o ur." D ad dy is a t h o m e w it h M oth er. I to ok a r is k a nd le ft h im A ib ile en's n um ber ju st in c ase , te llin g h im I w as g o in g to v is it a fr ie nd n am ed S ara h.
They b oth w alk m e to th e d oor, w hic h is n ew fo r M in ny. I te ll A ib ile en I 'll c all h er a s s o on a s I g et Mis su s S te in 's n o te s in th e m ail.
"S o s ix m onth s fr o m n o w , w e'll fin ally k no w w hat's g o ne h ap pen," M in ny s a ys, " g o od, b ad , o r no th in g." "It m ig ht b e n o th in g," I s a y, w ond erin g if a nyo ne w ill e ven b uy th e b ook.
"W ell, I 'm c o untin g o n g o od," A ib ile en s a ys.
Min ny c ro sse s h er a rm s o ver h er c hest. " I b ette r c o unt o n b ad th en. S om eb ody g o t to ." Min ny d oesn 't lo ok w orrie d a b out b ook s a le s. S he lo oks w orrie d a b out w hat w ill h ap pen w hen th e wom en o f J a ck so n r e ad w hat w e'v e w rit te n a b out th em .
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 2 9 T H E H EAT d one s e ep ed in to e very th in g. F or a w eek n o w it 's b een a h und re d d egre es a nd n in ety - n in e p erc ent h um id it y . G et a ny w ette r, w e b e s w im min g. C an't g et m y s h eets to d ry o n th e lin e, m y f r o nt d oor w on't c lo se it d one s w ell u p s o m uch. S ho n uff c o uld n't g et a m erin gue to w hip . E ven m y c hurc h w ig s ta rtin g to fr iz z.
T his m orn in g, I c an't e ven g et m y h o se o n. M y le gs is to o s w olle n. I fig ure I ju st d o it w hen I g et to M is s L eefo lt 's , in th e a ir - c o nd it io n. I t m ust b e r e co rd h eat, c ause I b een te nd in g to w hit e fo lk s fo r f o rty -o ne y ears a nd th is th e fir s t tim e in h is to ry I e ver w ent to w ork w it h o ut n o h o se o n.
B ut M is s L eefo lt 's h o use b e h o tte r th an m y o w n. " A ib ile en, g o o n a nd g et th e te a b re w ed a nd ...
s a la d p la te s . . . w ip e th em d ow n n o w . . ." S he a in 't e ven c o m e in th e k it c hen to day. S he in th e liv in g r o om a nd s h e d one p ull a c hair n ext to th e w all v ent, s o w hat's le ft a th e a ir - c o nd it io n b lo w in g u p h er s lip . T hat's a ll s h e g o t o n, h er fu ll s lip a nd h er e arrin gs. I w ait o n w hit e la d ie s w ho w alk r ig ht o ut th e b ed ro om w earin g n o th in g b ut th ey p ers o nalit y , b ut M is s L eefo lt d on't d o lik e th at.
E ver o nce in a w hile , th at a ir - c o nd it io n m oto r g o phheeew ww.
L ik e it ju st g iv in g u p . M is s L eefo lt c all th e r e p air m an tw ic e n o w a nd h e s a y h e c o m in g, b ut I b et h e a in 't . T oo h o t.
" A nd d on't fo rg et... th at s ilv er th in gam ajig --c o rn ic ho n s e rv er, it 's in th e . . ." B ut s h e g iv e u p b efo re s h e fin is h , lik e it 's to o h o t to e ven te ll m e w hat to d o. A nd y o u k no w th at b e h o t. S eem lik e e verb ody in to w n g o t th e h eat- c ra zie s. G o o ut o n th e s tr e et a nd it fe el r e al s till, e erie , l ik e r ig ht b efo re a to rn ad o h it . O r m ayb e it 's ju st m e, jit te ry c ause a th e b ook. I t's c o m in g o ut o n F rid ay.
" Y ou th in k w e o ught a c ancel b rid ge c lu b ?" I a sk h er fr o m th e k it c hen. B rid ge c lu b c hanged to M ond ays n o w a nd th e la d ie s g o ne b e h ere in tw enty m in ute s.
" N o. E very th in g's . . . a lr e ad y d one," s h e s a y, b ut I k no w s h e a in 't th in k in g s tr a ig ht.
" I'll tr y to w hip th e c re am a gain . T hen I g o t to g o in th e g ara ge. G et m y h o se o n." " O h d on't w orry a b out it , A ib ile en. I t's to o h o t fo r s to ck in gs." M is s L eefo lt fin ally g et u p fr o m th at w all v ent, d ra g h ers e lf o n in th e k it c hen, fla p pin g a C ho w -C ho w C hin ese R esta ura nt fa n. " O h G od, i t m ust b e fif te en d egre es h o tte r in th e k it c hen th an it is in th e d in in g r o om !" " O ven a b e o ff in a m in ute . K id s g o ne o ut b ack to p la y." M is s L eefo lt lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e k id s p la yin g in th e s p rin k le r. M ae M oble y d ow n to ju st h er u nd erp ants , R oss--I c all h im L i'l M an--h e in h is d ia p er. H e a in 't e ven a y ear o ld y et a nd a lr e ad y h e w alk in g lik e a b ig b oy. H e n ever e ven c ra w le d .
" I d on't s e e h o w th ey c an s ta nd it o ut th ere ," M is s L eefo lt s a y.
M ae M oble y lo ve p la yin g w it h h er lit tle b ro th er, lo okin g a fte r h im lik e s h e h is m am a. B ut M ae M oble y d on't g et to s ta y h o m e w it h u s a ll d ay n o m ore . M y B ab y G ir l g o to th e B ro ad m oore B ap tis t P re -S cho ol e ver m orn in g. T oday b e L ab or D ay, th o ugh, a h o lid ay fo r th e r e st a th e w orld , s o n o cla ss to day. I 'm g la d to o. I d on't k no w h o w m any d ays I g o t le ft w it h h er.
"L ook a t th em o ut th ere ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd I c o m e o ver to th e w in d ow w here s h e s ta nd in g. T he sp rin k le r b e b lo om in g u p in to th e tr e eto ps, m ak in g th em r a in b ow s. M ae M oble y g o t L i'l M an b y th e hand s a nd th ey s ta nd in g u nd er th e s p rin k le s w it h th ey e yes c lo se d lik e th ey b ein g b ap tiz e d .
"T hey a re r e ally s o m eth in g s p ecia l, " s h e s a y, s ig hin g, lik e s h e ju st n o w fig urin g th is o ut.
"T hey s u re is ," I s a y a nd I s p ec w e b out s h are d u s a m om ent, m e a nd M is s L eefo lt , lo okin g o ut th e win d ow a t th e k id s w e b oth lo ve. I t m ak es m e w ond er if th in gs d one c hanged ju st a lit tle . I t is 1 964 afte r a ll. D ow nto w n, th ey le ttin g N egro es s e t a t th e W oolw orth c o unte r.
I g et a r e al h earts ic k fe elin g th en, w ond erin g if I g o ne to o fa r. C ause a fte r th e b ook c o m e o ut, if fo lk s fin d o ut it w as u s, I p ro bab ly n ever g et to s e e th ese k id s a gain . W hat if I d on't e ven g et to te ll Mae M oble y g o odbye, a nd th at s h e a fin e g ir l, o ne la st tim e? A nd L i'l M an? W ho g o ne te ll h im th e sto ry a th e G re en M artia n L uth er K in g?
I a lr e ad y b een th ro ugh a ll th is w it h m yse lf , tw enty tim es o ver. B ut to day it 's ju st s ta rtin g to fe el s o re al. I to uch th e w in d ow p ane lik e I b e to uchin g th em . I f s h e fin d o ut . . . o h, I 'm g o ne m is s th ese kid s.
I lo ok o ver a nd s e e M is s L eefo lt 's e yes d one w and ere d d ow n to m y b are le gs. I th in k s h e c urio us, yo u k no w . I b et s h e a in 't n ever s e en b are b la ck le gs u p c lo se b efo re . B ut th en, I s e e s h e fr o w nin g.
She lo ok u p a t M ae M oble y, g iv e h er th at s a m e h ate fu l fr o w n. B ab y G ir l d one s m eare d m ud a nd gra ss a ll a cro ss h er fr o nt. N ow s h e d eco ra tin g h er b ro th er w it h it lik e h e a p ig in a s ty a nd I s e e th at old d is g ust M is s L eefo lt g o t fo r h er o w n d aughte r. N ot fo r L i'l M an, ju st M ae M oble y. S aved u p sp ecia l fo r h er.
"S he's r u in in g th e y ard !" M is s L eefo lt s a y.
"I g o g et e m . I ta k e c are --" "A nd I c an't h ave y o u s e rv in g u s lik e th at, w it h y o ur- -y o ur le gs s h o w in g!" "I to le y o u--" "H illy 's g o in g to b e h ere in fiv e m in ute s a nd s h e's m esse d u p ev ery th in g !" s h e s c re ech. I g uess M ae Moble y h ear h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow c ause s h e lo ok o ver a t u s, fr o ze n. S m ile fa d es. A fte r a s e co nd , sh e s ta rt w ip in g th e m ud o ff h er fa ce r e al s lo w .
I p ut a a p ro n o n c ause I g o t to h o se th em k id s o ff. T hen I 'm o n g o in th e g ara ge, g et m y s to ck in gs on. B ook c o m in g o ut in fo ur d ays. A in 't a m in ute to o s o on.
WE B EEN liv in g in A N TIC IP A TIO N. M e, M in ny, M is s S keete r, a ll th e m aid s w it h s to rie s in th e book. F eel lik e w e b een w ait in g fo r s o m e in vis ib le p ot a w ate r to b oil fo r th e p ast s e ven m onth s.
Afte r b out th e th ir d m onth a w ait in g, w e ju st s to pped ta lk in g a b out it . G ot u s to o e xcit e d .
But fo r th e p ast tw o w eek s, I 'v e h ad a s e cre t jo y a nd a s e cre t d re ad b oth r a ttlin g in sid e a m e th at mak e w axin g flo ors g o e ven s lo w er a nd w ash in g u nd erw ear a u p hill r a ce. I ro nin g p le ats tu rn s in to a ete rn it y , b ut w hat c an y o u d o. W e a ll p re tty s u re n o th in g's g o ne b e s a id a b out it r ig ht a t fir s t. J u st lik e Mis s S te in to ld M is s S keete r, th is b ook a in 't g o ne b e n o b est- se lle r a nd to k eep o ur " e xp ecta tio ns lo w ." M is s S keete r s a y m ayb e d on't s p ec n o th in g a t a ll, th at m ost S outh ern p eo ple s is " re p re sse d ." I f th ey fe el s o m eth in g, th ey m ig ht n o t s a y a w ord . J u st h o ld th ey b re ath a nd w ait fo r it to p ass, lik e g as.
Min ny s a y, " I h o pe s h e h o ld h er b re ath till s h e e xp lo de a ll o ver H in d s C ounty ." S he m ean M is s H illy .
I w is h M in ny w as w is h in g fo r c hange in th e d ir e ctio n a k in d ness, b ut M in ny is M in ny, a ll th e tim e.
"Y O U W AN T Y O U a s n ack , B ab y G ir l? " I a sk w hen s h e g et h o m e fr o m s c ho ol o n T hurs d ay. O h, sh e a b ig g ir l! A lr e ad y fo ur y ears o ld . S he ta ll fo r h er a ge--m ost fo lk s th in k s h e fiv e o r s ix . S kin ny a s her m am a is , M ae M oble y s till c hub by. A nd h er h air a in 't lo okin g to o g o od. S he d ecid e to g iv e hers e lf a h air c ut w it h h er c o nstr u ctio n p ap er s c is so rs a nd y o u k no w h o w th at tu rn o ut. M is s L eefo lt had to ta k e h er d ow n to th e g ro w n-u p b eauty p arlo r b ut th ey c o uld n't d o a w ho le lo t w it h it . I t s till be s h o rt o n o ne s id e w it h a lm ost n o th in g in fr o nt.
I fix h er a lit tle s o m eth in g lo w -c alo rie to e at c ause th at's a ll M is s L eefo lt le t m e g iv e h er. C ra ck ers and tu nafis h o r J e ll- O w it h o ut n o w hip c re am .
"W hat y o u le arn to day?" I a sk e ven th o ugh s h e a in 't in r e al s c ho ol, ju st th e p re te nd k in d . O th er d ay, when I a sk h er, s h e s a y, " P ilg rim s. T hey c am e o ver a nd n o th in g w ould g ro w s o th ey a te th e I n d ia ns." Now I k new th em P ilg rim s d id n't e at n o I n d ia ns. B ut th at a in 't th e p oin t. P oin t is , w e g o t to w atc h what g et u p in th ese k id s' h ead s. E ver w eek , s h e s till g et h er A ib ile en le sso n, h er s e cre t s to ry . W hen Li'l M an g et b ig e no ugh to lis te n, I 'm o n te ll h im to o. I m ean, if I s till g o t a jo b h ere . B ut I d on't th in k it 's g o ne b e th e s a m e w it h L i'l M an. H e lo ve m e, b ut h e w ild , lik e a a nim al. C om e a nd h ug o n m y knees s o h ard th en o ff h e s h o ots to lo ok a fte r s o m eth in g e ls e . B ut e ven if I d on't g et to d o th is fo r him , I d on't fe el to o b ad . W hat I k no w is , I g o t it s ta rte d a nd th at b ab y b oy, e ven th o ugh h e c an't ta lk a w ord y et, h e lis te n to e verth in g M ae M oble y s a y.
Today w hen I a sk w hat s h e le arn , M ae M oble y ju st s a y, " N oth in g," a nd s tic k h er lip o ut.
"H ow y o u lik e y o ur te acher? " I a sk h er.
"S he's p re tty ," s h e s a y.
"G ood," I s a y. " Y ou p re tty to o." "H ow c o m e y o u'r e c o lo re d , A ib ile en?" Now I 'v e g o tte n th is q uestio n a fe w tim es fr o m m y o th er w hit e k id s. I u se d to ju st la ugh, b ut I w ant to g et th is r ig ht w it h h er. " C ause G od m ad e m e c o lo re d ," I s a y. " A nd th ere a in 't a no th er r e aso n in th e world ." "M is s T aylo r s a ys k id s th at a re c o lo re d c an't g o to m y s c ho ol c ause th ey'r e n o t s m art e no ugh." I c o m e r o und th e c o unte r th en. L if t h er c hin u p a nd s m ooth b ack h er fu nny-lo okin g h air . " Y ou th in k I'm d um b?" "N o," s h e w his p ers h ard , lik e s h e m eans it s o m uch. S he lo ok s o rry s h e s a id it .
"W hat th at te ll y o u a b out M is s T aylo r, th en?" She b lin k , lik e s h e lis te nin g g o od.
"M eans M is s T aylo r a in 't r ig ht a ll th e tim e," I s a y.
She h ug m e a ro und m y n eck , s a y, " Y ou'r e r ig hte r th an M is s T aylo r." I te ar u p th en. M y c up is s p illin g over. T ho se is n ew w ord s to m e.
AT F O UR O 'C LO CK T H AT A FTER N OON, I w alk a s fa st a s I c an fr o m th e b us s to p to th e Churc h a th e L am b. I w ait in sid e, w atc h o ut th e w in d ow . A fte r te n m in ute s a tr y in g to b re ath e a nd dru m min g m y fin gers o n th e s ill, I s e e th e c ar p ull u p . W hit e la d y g ets o ut a nd I s q uin t m y e yes. T his la d y lo oks lik e o ne a th em h ip pie s I s e en o n M is s L eefo lt 's te e-v ee. S he g o t o n a s h o rt w hit e d re ss and s a nd als . H er h air 's lo ng w it h o ut n o s p ra y o n it . T he w eig ht o f it 's w ork ed o ut th e c url a nd fr iz z. I la ugh in to m y h and , w is h in g I c o uld r u n o ut th ere a nd g iv e h er a h ug. I a in 't b een a b le to s e e M is s Skeete r in p ers o n in s ix m onth s, s in ce w e fin is h ed M is s S te in 's e d it s a nd tu rn ed in th e fin al c o py.
Mis s S keete r p ull a b ig b ro w n b ox o ut th e b ack s e at, th en c arrie s it u p to th e c hurc h d oor, lik e s h e dro ppin g o ff o ld c lo th es. S he s to p a s e co nd a nd lo ok a t th e d oor, b ut th en s h e g et in h er c ar a nd driv e a w ay. I 'm s a d s h e h ad to d o it th is w ay b ut w e d on't w ant a b lo w it fo re it e ven s ta rts .
Soon a s s h e g o ne, I r u n o ut a nd to te th e b ox in sid e a nd g ra b o ut a c o py a nd I ju st s ta re . I d on't e ven tr y n o t to c ry . B e th e p re ttie st b ook I e ver s e en. T he c o ver is a p ale b lu e, c o lo r a th e s k y. A nd a b ig whit e b ir d --a p eace d ove--sp re ad s it s w in gs fr o m e nd to e nd . T he tit le Help is w rit te n a cro ss th e fr o nt in b la ck le tte rs , in a b old fa sh io n. T he o nly th in g th at b oth ers m e is th e w ho -it - b e-b y p art. I t sa y by A nonym ous.
I w is h M is s S keete r c o uld a p ut h er n am e o n it , b ut it w as ju st to o m uch o f a ris k .
Tom orro w , I 'm o n ta k e e arly c o pie s to a ll th e w om en w ho se s to rie s w e p ut in . M is s S keete r g o ne carry a c o py u p to th e S ta te P en to Y ule M ay. I n a w ay, s h e's th e r e aso n th e o th er m aid s e ven agre ed to h elp . B ut I h ear Y ule M ay p ro bab ly w on't g et th e b ox. T hem p ris o ners d on't g et b ut o ne out a te n th in gs s e nt to e m c ause th e la d y g uard s ta k e it fo r th eyse lv es. M is s S keete r s a y s h e g o ne deliv er c o pie s te n m ore tim es to m ak e s u re .
I c arry th at b ig b ox h o m e a nd ta k e o ut o ne c o py a nd p ut th e b ox u nd er m y b ed . T hen I r u n o ver to Min ny's h o use . M in ny s ix m onth s p re gnant b ut y o u c an't e ven te ll y et. W hen I g et th ere , s h e s e ttin g at th e k it c hen ta b le d rin k in g a g la ss a m ilk . L ero y a sle ep in th e b ack a nd B enny a nd S ugar a nd Kin d ra is s h ellin g p eanuts in th e b ack yard . T he k it c hen's q uie t. I s m ile , h and M in ny h er c o py.
She e ye it . " I g uess th e d ove b ir d lo oks o kay." "M is s S keete r s a y th e p eace d ove b e th e s ig n fo r b ette r tim es to c o m e. S ay fo lk s is w earin g e m o n th ey c lo th es o ut in C alif o rn ia ." "I d on't c are b out n o p eo ple s in C alif o rn ia ," M in ny s a y, s ta rin g a t th at c o ver. " A ll I c are a b out is what th e fo lk s in J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o t to s a y a b out it ." "C opie s g o ne s h o w u p in th e b ooksto re s a nd th e lib ra rie s to m orro w . T w enty -fiv e h und re d in Mis sis sip pi, o th er h alf a ll o ver th e U nit e d S ta te s." T hat's a lo t m ore th an w hat M is s S te in to ld u s befo re , b ut s in ce th e fr e ed om r id es s ta rte d a nd th em c iv il r ig hts w ork ers d is a p peare d in th at s ta tio n wago n h ere in M is sis sip pi, s h e s a y fo lk s is p ayin g m ore a tte ntio n to o ur s ta te .
"H ow m any c o pie s g o in g to th e w hit e J a ck so n lib ra ry ?" M in ny a sk . " Z ero ?" I s h ak e m y h ead w it h a s m ile . " T hre e c o pie s. M is s S keete r to ld m e o n th e p ho ne th is m orn in g." Even M in ny lo ok s tu nned . J u st tw o m onth s a go th e w hit e lib ra ry s ta rte d le ttin g c o lo re d p eo ple in . I been in tw ic e m yse lf .
Min ny o pen th e b ook a nd s h e s ta rt r e ad in g it r ig ht th ere . K id s c o m e in a nd s h e te ll th em w hat to d o and h o w to d o it w it h o ut e ven lo okin g u p . E yes d on't e ven s to p m ovin g a cro ss th e p age. I a lr e ad y done r e ad it m any a tim e, w ork in g o n it o ver th e p ast y ear. B ut M in ny a lw ays s a id s h e d on't w ant a re ad it till it c o m e o ut in th e h ard board . S ay s h e d on't w ant a s p oil it .
I s e t th ere w it h M in ny a w hile . T im e to tim e s h e g rin . F ew tim es s h e la ugh. A nd m ore a n o nce s h e gro w l. I d on't a sk w hat fo r. I le ave h er to it a nd h ead h o m e. A fte r I w rit e a ll m y p ra yers , I g o to b ed wit h th at b ook s e ttin g o n th e p illo w n ext to m e.
TH E N EX T D AY A T W ORK , a ll I c an th in k a b out is h o w s to re s is p uttin g my b ook o n th e s h elv es.
I m op, I ir o n, I c hange d ia p ers , b ut I d on't h ear a w ord a b out it in M is s L eefo lt 's h o use . I t's lik e I ain 't e ven w rit te n a b ook. I d on't k no w w hat I s p ecte d -- so m e k in d a s tir rin g--b ut it 's ju st a r e gula r old h o t F rid ay w it h flie s b uzzin g o n th e s c re en.
That n ig ht s ix m aid s in th e b ook c all m y h o use a sk in g h as a nyb ody s a id a nyth in g. W e lin ger o n th e lin e lik e th e a nsw er's g o ne c hange if w e b re ath e in to th e p ho ne lo ng e no ugh.
Mis s S keete r c all la st. " I w ent b y th e B ookw orm th is a fte rn o on. S to od a ro und a w hile , b ut n o body even p ic k ed it u p ." "E ula s a y s h e w ent b y th e c o lo re d b ooksto re . S am e th in g." "A lr ig ht," s h e s ig h.
But a ll th at w eek end a nd th en in to th e n ext w eek , w e d on't h ear n o th in g. T he s a m e o ld b ooks s e t o n Mis s L eefo lt 's n ig hts ta nd :
Fra nces B en to n's E tiq uette , Peyto n P la ce , th at o ld d usty B ib le s h e keep b y th e b ed fo r s h o w . B ut L aw if I d on't k eep g la ncin g a t th at s ta ck lik e a s ta in .
By W ed nesd ay, th ey s till a in 't e ven a r ip ple in th e w ate r. N ot o ne p ers o n's b ought a c o py in th e w hit e booksto re . T he F aris h S tr e et s to re s a y th ey d one s o ld a b out a d oze n, w hic h is g o od. M ig ht a ju st been th e o th er m aid s, th o ugh, b uyin g fo r th ey fr ie nd s.
On T hurs d ay, d ay s e ven, b efo re I e ven le ft fo r w ork , m y p ho ne r in g.
"I'v e g o t n ew s," M is s S keete r w his p er. I r e ck on s h e m ust b e lo ck ed u p in th e p antr y a gain .
"W hat h ap pen?" "M is su s S te in c alle d a nd s a id w e'r e g o in g to b e o n th e D ennis J a m es s h o w ." " Peo ple W ill T a lk ? T he te e-v ee s h o w ?" "O ur b ook m ad e th e b ook r e vie w . S he s a id it 'll b e o n C hannel T hre e n ext T hurs d ay a t o ne o 'c lo ck ." Law , w e g o ne b e o n W LB T-T V ! I t's a lo cal J a ck so n s h o w , a nd it c o m e o n in c o lo r, r ig ht a fte r th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s.
"Y ou th in k th e r e vie w g o ne b e g o od o r b ad ?" "I d on't k no w . I d on't e ven k no w if D ennis r e ad s th e b ooks o r ju st s a ys w hat th ey te ll h im to ." I fe el e xcit e d a nd s c are d a t th e s a m e tim e. S om eth in g got to h ap pen a fte r th at.
"M is su s S te in s a id s o m eb ody m ust'v e fe lt s o rry fo r u s in th e H arp er a nd R ow p ub lic it y d ep artm ent and m ad e s o m e c alls . S he s a id w e'r e th e fir s t b ook s h e's h and le d w it h a p ub lic it y b ud get o f z e ro ." We la ugh, b ut w e b oth s o und n erv o us.
"I h o pe y o u g et to w atc h it a t E liz a b eth 's . I f y o u c an't , I 'll c all y o u a nd te ll y o u e very th in g th ey s a id ." On F R ID AY N IG HT, a w eek a fte r th e b ook c o m e o ut, I g et r e ad y to g o to th e c hurc h. D eaco n Tho m as c all m e th is m orn in g a nd a sk w ould I c o m e to a s p ecia l m eetin g th ey h avin g, b ut w hen I a sk what a b out, h e g et a ll in a h urry a nd s a y h e g o t to g o . M in ny s a y s h e g o t th e s a m e th in g. S o I ir o n u p a n ic e lin en d re ss a M is s G re enle e's a nd h ead to M in ny's h o use . W e g o ne w alk th ere to geth er.
As u su al, M in ny's h o use b e lik e a c hic k en c o op o n fir e . M in ny b e h o lle rin g, th in gs b e flin gin g a ro und , all th e k id s s q uaw kin g. I s e e th e fir s t h in t a M in ny's b elly u nd er h er d re ss a nd I 'm g ra te fu l s h e fin ally sh o w in g. L ero y, h e d on't h it M in ny w hen s h e p re gnant. A nd M in ny k no w th is s o I s p ec th ey's g o ne be a lo t m ore b ab ie s a fte r th is o ne.
"K in d ra ! G et y o ur b utt o ff th at flo or!" M in ny h o lle r. " T hem b eans b ette r b e h o t w hen y o ur d ad dy wak es u p !" Kin d ra --sh e s e ven n o w --sh e s a ss-w alk h er w ay to th e s to ve w it h h er b otto m s tic k in g o ut a nd h er no se u p in th e a ir . P ans g o b angin g a ll o ver th e p la ce. " W hy I g o t to d o d in ner? I t's S ugar's tu rn !" "C ause S ugar a t M is s C elia 's a nd y o u w ant a liv e to s e e th ir d g ra d e." Benny c o m e in a nd s q ueeze m e r o und th e m id dle . H e g rin a nd s h o w m e th e to oth h e g o t m is sin g, th en r u n o ff.
"K in d ra , tu rn th at fla m e d ow n fo re y o u b urn th e h o use d ow n!" "W e b ette r g o , M in ny," I s a y, c ause th is c o uld g o o n a ll n ig ht. " W e g o ne b e la te ." Min ny lo ok a t h er w atc h. S hak e h er h ead . " W hy S ugar a in 't h o m e y et? M is s C elia a in 't n ever k ep t me th is la te ." Last w eek , M in ny s ta rte d b rin gin g S ugar to w ork . S he g ettin g h er tr a in ed fo r w hen M in ny h ave h er bab y a nd S ugar g o ne h ave to fill in fo r h er. T onig ht M is s C elia a sk S ugar to w ork la te , s a y s h e d riv e her h o m e.
"K in d ra , I d on't w ant a s e e s o m uch a s a b ean s e ttin g in th at s in k w hen I g et b ack . C le an u p g o od no w ." M in ny g iv e h er a h ug. " B enny, g o te ll D ad dy h e b ette r g et h is fo ol s e lf o ut a th at b ed ." "A w w, M am a, w hy I --" "G o o n, b e b ra ve. J u st d on't s ta nd to o c lo se w hen h e c o m e to ." We m ak e it o ut th e d oor a nd d ow n to th e s tr e et fo re w e h ear L ero y h o lle rin g a t B enny fo r w ak in g him u p . I w alk fa ste r s o s h e d on't g o b ack a nd g iv e L ero y w hat h e g o od fo r.
"G la d w e g o in g to c hurc h to nig ht," M in ny s ig h. W e r o und F aris h S tr e et, s ta rt u p th e s te p s. " G iv e m e a h o ur a n o t th in k in g a b out it a ll. " Soon a s w e s te p in th e c hurc h fo yer, o ne a th e B ro w n b ro th ers s lip b ehin d u s a nd h e lo ck th e d oor.
I'm a b out to a sk w hy, w ould a g o t s c are d if I h ad th e tim e, b ut th en th e th ir ty -o dd p eo ple s in th e ro om s ta rt c la p pin g. M in ny a nd m e s ta rt c la p pin g w it h e m . F ig ure s o m eb ody g o t in to c o lle ge o r so m eth in g.
"W ho w e c la p pin g fo r? " I a sk R achel J o hnso n. S he th e R evere nd w if e .
She la ugh a nd it g et q uie t. R achel le an in to m e.
"H oney, w e c la p pin g fo r y o u." T hen s h e r e ach d ow n a nd p ull a c o py a th e b ook o ut a h er p urs e . I lo ok a ro und a nd n o w e verb ody g o t a c o py in th ey h and s. A ll th e im porta nt o ffic ers a nd c hurc h deaco ns a re th ere .
Revere nd J o hnso n c o m e u p to m e th en. " A ib ile en, th is is a n im porta nt tim e fo r y o u a nd o ur c hurc h." "Y ou m ust a c le aned o ut th e b ooksto re ," I s a y, a nd th e c ro w d la ugh r e al p olit e -lik e.
"W e w ant y o u to k no w , fo r y o ur s a fe ty , th is w ill b e th e o nly tim e th e c hurc h r e co gniz e s y o u fo r y o ur achie vem ent. I k no w a lo t o f fo lk s h elp ed w it h th is b ook, b ut I h eard it c o uld n't h ave b een d one wit h o ut y o u." I lo ok o ver a nd M in ny's s m ilin g, a nd I k no w s h e in o n it to o.
"A q uie t m essa ge h as b een s e nt th ro ugho ut th e c o ngre gatio n a nd a ll o f th e c o m munit y , th at if a nyo ne kno w s w ho 's in th e b ook o r w ho w ro te it , it 's n o t to b e d is c usse d . E xcep t fo r to nig ht. I 'm s o rry "- -h e sm ile , s h ak e h is h ead --"b ut w e ju st c o uld n't le t th is g o b y w it h o ut s o m e k in d o f c ele b ra tio n." He h and m e th e b ook. " W e k no w y o u c o uld n't p ut y o ur n am e in it , s o w e a ll s ig ned o ur o w n fo r yo u." I o pen u p th e fr o nt c o ver a nd th ere th ey is , n o t th ir ty o r fo rty n am es, b ut h und re d s, m ayb e fiv e hund re d , in th e fr o nt p ages, th e b ack p ages, a lo ng th e r im a th e in sid e p ages. A ll th e p eo ple s in m y churc h a nd fo lk s fr o m o th er c hurc hes to o. O h, I ju st b re ak d ow n th en. I t's lik e tw o y ears a d oin g and tr y in g a nd h o pin g a ll c o m e o ut a t o nce. T hen e verb ody g et in a lin e a nd c o m e b y a nd h ug m e.
Tell m e I 'm b ra ve. I te ll e m th ere a re s o m any o th ers th at a re b ra ve to o. I h ate to h o g a ll th e atte ntio n, b ut I a m s o g ra te fu l th ey d on't m entio n n o o th er n am es. I d on't w ant e m in tr o ub le . I d on't th in k th ey e ven k no w M in ny's in th ere .
"T here m ay b e s o m e h ard tim es a head ," R evere nd J o hnso n s a y to m e. " If it c o m es to th at, th e Churc h w ill h elp y o u in e very w ay." I c ry a nd c ry r ig ht th ere in fr o nt a e verb ody. I lo ok o ver a t M in ny, a nd s h e la ughin g. F unny h o w peo ple s s h o w th ey fe elin gs in d if fe re nt w ays. I w ond er w hat M is s S keete r w ould d o if s h e w as h ere and it k in d a m ak es m e s a d . I k no w a in 't n o body in to w n g o ne s ig n a b ook fo r h er a nd te ll h er s h e bra ve. A in 't n o body g o ne te ll h er th ey lo ok a fte r h er.
Then th e R evere nd h and s m e a b ox, w ra p ped in w hit e p ap er, tie d w it h lig ht b lu e r ib bon, s a m e c o lo rs as th e b ook. H e la ys h is h and o n it a s a b le ssin g. " T his o ne, th is is fo r th e w hit e la d y. Y ou te ll h er w e lo ve h er, lik e s h e's o ur o w n fa m ily ." On T H URSD AY, I w ak e u p w it h th e s u n a nd g o to w ork e arly . T oday's a b ig d ay. I g et m y k it c hen work d one fa st. O ne a c lo ck c o m e a nd I m ak e s u re I g o t m y ir o nin g a ll s e t u p in fr o nt a M is s Leefo lt 's te e-v ee, tu ned to C hannel T hre e. L i'l M an ta k in g h is n ap a nd M ae M oble y a t s c ho ol.
I tr y a nd ir o n s o m e p le ats , b ut m y h and s is s h ak in g a nd th ey c o m e o ut a ll c ro oked . I s p ra y it w et and s ta rt a ll o ver, fu ssin g a nd fr o w nin g. F in ally , th e tim e c o m es.
In th e b ox p ops D ennis J a m es. H e s ta rt te llin g u s w hat w e g o ne d is c uss to day. H is b la ck h air is sp ra yed d ow n s o h eavy, it d on't e ven m ove. H e is th e fa ste st ta lk in g S outh ern m an I e ver h eard .
Mak e m e fe el lik e I 'm o n a r o lle r- c o aste r w ay h e m ak e h is v o ic e g o . I 's s o n erv o us I fe el lik e I 'm o n th ro w u p r ig ht h ere o n M is te r R ale ig h's c hurc h s u it .
". . . a nd w e'll e nd th e s h o w w it h th e b ook r e vie w ." A fte r th e c o m merc ia l, h e d o s o m eth in g o n E lv is Pre sle y's ju ngle r o om . T hen h e d o a p ie ce o n th e n ew I n te rs ta te 5 5 th ey g o ne b uild , g o in g th ro ugh Ja ck so n a ll th e w ay to N ew O rle ans. T hen, a t 1 :2 2 p .m ., a w om an c o m e s e t n ext to h im b y th e nam e a J o lin e F re nch. S he s a y s h e th e lo cal b ook r e vie w er.
That v ery s e co nd , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e h o use . S he a ll d re sse d u p in h er L eague o utfit a nd h er no is y h ig h h eels a nd s h e h ead s tr a ig ht fo r th e liv in g r o om .
"I a m s o g la d th at h eat w ave is o ver I c o uld ju m p fo r jo y," s h e s a y.
Mis te r D ennis c hattin g b out s o m e b ook c alle d Lit tle B ig M an.
I tr y to a gre e w it h h er b ut I fe el r e al stif f in th e fa ce a ll o f a s u d den. " I'll- -I'll ju st tu rn th is th in g o ff." "N o, k eep it o n!" s a y M is s L eefo lt . " T hat's J o lin e F re nch o n th e te le vis io n s e t! I b ette r c all H illy a nd te ll h er." She c lo m p to th e k it c hen a nd g et o n th e p ho ne w it h M is s H illy 's th ir d m aid in a m onth . E rn estin e a in 't go t b ut o ne a rm . M is s H illy p ic k in gs g ettin g s lim .
"E rn estin e, th is is M is s E liz a b eth . . . O h, s h e's n o t? W ell, y o u te ll h er th e m in ute s h e w alk s in th at o ur so ro rit y s is te r is o n th e te le vis io n s e t . . . T hat's r ig ht, th ank y o u." Mis s L eefo lt r u sh b ack in th e liv in g r o om a nd s e t o n th e s o fa , b ut it 's a c o m merc ia l o n. I g et to bre ath in g h ard . W hat is s h e d oin g? W e a in 't n ever w atc hed th e te e-v ee to geth er b efo re . A nd h ere a all d ays s h e fr o nt a nd c ente r lik e s h e b e w atc hin g h ers e lf o n s c re en!
All a s u d den th e D ia l s o ap c o m merc ia l o ver. A nd th ere b e M is te r D ennis w it h m y b ook in h is h and !
Whit e b ir d lo ok b ig ger th an lif e . H e h o ld in g it u p a nd p okin g h is fin ger a t th e w ord Anonym ous.
F or tw o s e co nd s I 'm m ore p ro ud th an I is s c are d . I w ant to y ell- - That's m y b ook! T hat's m y b ook o n th e t e e-v ee!
B ut I g o t to k eep s till, lik e I 'm w atc hin g s o m eth in g h um dru m . I c an't b are ly b re ath e!
". . . c alle d Help w it h te stim onie s fr o m s o m e o f M is sis sip pi's v ery o w n h o use k eep ers --" "O h, I w is h H illy w as h o m e! W ho c an I c all? L ook a t th o se c ute s h o es s h e's g o t o n, I b et s h e g o t th o se a t T he P ap agallo S ho ppe." Ple a se s h ut u p!
I r e ach d ow n a nd tu rn it u p a lit tle , b ut th en I w is h I h ad n't . W hat if th ey ta lk a b out her? W ould M is s L eefo lt e ven r e co gniz e h er o w n lif e ?
". . . r e ad it la st n ig ht a nd n o w m y w if e is r e ad in g it . . ." M is te r D ennis ta lk in g lik e a a uctio n m an, la ughin g, e yeb ro w s g o in g u p a nd d ow n, p oin tin g a t o ur b ook. " . . . a nd it is tr u ly to uchin g.
Enlig hte nin g, I 'd s a y, a nd th ey u se d th e m ad e-u p to w n o f N ic eville , M is sis sip pi, b ut w ho k no w s? " He h alf w ay c o ver h is m outh , w his p er r e al lo ud , " It c o uld b e J a ck so n!" Say w hat?
"N ow , I 'm n o t s a yin g it is , it c o uld b e a nyw here , b ut ju st in c ase , y o u n eed to g o g et th is b ook a nd mak e s u re y o u a re n't in it ! H a-H a-H a-H a--" I fr e eze , fe el a tin gle o n m y n eck . A in 't noth in g in th ere th at s a y J a ck so n. T ell m e a gain it c o uld b e anyw here , M is te r D ennis !
I s e e M is s L eefo lt s m ilin g a t h er fr ie nd o n th e te e-v ee lik e th e fo ol c an s e e h er, M is te r D ennis b e la ughin g a nd ta lk in g, b ut th at s o ro rit y s is te r, M is s J o lin e, g o t a fa ce o n r e d a s a s to p s ig n.
"- -a d is g ra ce to th e S outh ! A d is g ra ce to th e g o od S outh ern w om en w ho 'v e s p ent th eir liv es ta k in g care o f th eir h elp . I k no w I p ers o nally tr e at m y h elp lik e fa m ily a nd e very o ne o f m y fr ie nd s d oes th e sa m e--" "W hy is s h e fr o w nin g lik e th at o n te e-v ee?" M is s L eefo lt w hin e a t th e b ox. " J o lin e!" S he le an fo rw ard a nd ta p-ta p-ta p h er fin ger o n M is s J o lin e's fo re head . " D on't fr o w n! Y ou d on't lo ok c ute th at w ay!" "J o lin e, d id y o u r e ad th at e nd in g? A bout th e p ie ? I f m y m aid , B essie M ae, is o ut th ere lis te nin g, Bessie M ae, I h ave a n ew r e sp ect fo r w hat y o u d o e very d ay. A nd I 'll p ass o n th e c ho co la te p ie fr o m n o w o n!
Ha-H a-H a-- " But M is s J o lin e h o ld in g u p th e b ook lik e s h e w ant to b urn it . " D o n o t b uy th is b ook! L ad ie s o f Ja ck so n, d o n o t s u p port th is s la nd er w it h y o ur h usb and s' h ard -e arn ed --" "H uh?" M is s L eefo lt a sk M is te r D ennis . A nd th en p oof- -w e o n to a T id e c o m merc ia l.
"W hat w ere th ey ta lk in g a b out? " M is s L eefo lt a sk m e.
I d on't a nsw er. M y h eart's p ound in g.
"M y fr ie nd J o lin e h ad a b ook in h er h and ." "Y es, m a'a m ." "W hat w as it c alle d ?
Help o r s o m eth in g lik e th at? " I p re ss th e ir o n p oin t d ow n in th e c o lla r a M is te r R ale ig h's s h ir t. I g o t to c all M in ny, M is s S keete r, fin d o ut if th ey h eard th is . B ut M is s L eefo lt s ta nd in g th ere w ait in g fo r m y a nsw er a nd I k no w s h e ain 't g o ne le t u p . S he n ever d o.
"D id I h ear th em s a y it w as a b out J a ck so n?" s h e s a y.
I k eep r ig ht o n s ta rin g a t m y ir o n.
"I th in k th ey s a id J a ck so n. B ut w hy d on't th ey w ant u s to b uy it ? " My h and s is s h ak in g. H ow c an th is b e h ap penin g? I k eep ir o nin g, tr y in g to m ak e w hat's b eyo nd wrin k le d s m ooth .
A s e co nd la te r, th e T id e c o m merc ia l's o ver a nd th ere 's D ennis J a m es a gain h o ld in g u p th e b ook a nd Mis s J o lin e's s till a ll r e d in th e fa ce. " T hat's a ll fo r to day," h e s a y, " b ut y 'a ll b e s u re a nd p ic k u p y o ur co py o f Lit tle B ig M an a nd Help fr o m o ur s p onso r, th e S ta te S tr e et B ooksto re . A nd s e e fo r yo urs e lf , is it o r is it n o t a b out J a ck so n?" A nd th en th e m usic c o m e o n a nd h e h o lle r, " G ood d ay, Mis sis sip pi! " Mis s L eefo lt lo ok a t m e a nd s a y, " S ee th at? I to ld y o u th ey s a id it w as a b out J a ck so n!" a nd fiv e min ute s la te r, s h e o ff to th e b ooksto re to b uy h ers e lf a c o py a w hat I d one w ro te a b out h er.
MIN NY ch ap te r 3 0 A FTER T H E Peo ple W ill T a lk s h o w , I g ra b th e S pace C om mand a nd p unch th e " O ff " b utto n. M y s to rie s a re a b out to c o m e o n, b ut I d on't e ven c are . D octo r S tr o ng a nd M is s J u lia w ill ju st h ave to t u rn th e w orld w it h o ut m e to day.
I 'v e a m in d to c all th at D ennis J a m es o n th e p ho ne a nd s a y, Who d o y o u t h in k y o u a re , s p re a din g l ie s lik e t h at?
Y ou c an't te ll th e w ho le m etr o a re a o ur b ook is a b out J a ck so n! Y ou d on't k no w w hat t o w n w e'v e w rit te n o ur b ook a b out!
I 'll te ll y o u w hat th at fo ol's d oin g. H e's wis h in g it w as a b out J a ck so n. H e's w is h in g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, w as in te re stin g e no ugh to w rit e a w ho le b ook o n a nd e ven th o ugh it is J a ck so n . . . w ell, h e d oesn 't k no w th at.
I r u sh to th e k it c hen a nd c all A ib ile en, b ut a fte r tw o tr ie s th e lin e's s till b usy. I h ang u p . I n th e liv in g r o om , I flip o n th e ir o n, y ank M is te r J o hnny's w hit e s h ir t o ut o f th e b ask et. I w ond er fo r th e m illio nth t im e w hat's g o in g to h ap pen w hen M is s H illy r e ad s th e la st c hap te r. S he b ette r g et to w ork s o on, t e llin g p eo ple it 's n o t o ur to w n. A nd s h e c an te ll M is s C elia to fir e m e a ll a fte rn o on a nd M is s C elia w on't . H atin g M is s H illy 's th e o nly th in g th at c ra zy w om an a nd I h ave in c o m mon. B ut w hat H illy 'll d o o nce th at fa ils , I d on't k no w . T hat'll b e o ur o w n w ar, b etw een m e a nd M is s H illy . T hat w on't a ffe ct th e o th ers .
O h, n o w I 'm in a b ad m ood. F ro m w here I 'm ir o nin g, I c an s e e M is s C elia in th e b ack yard in a p air o f h o ochie p in k s a tin p ants a nd b la ck p la stic g lo ves. S he's g o t d ir t a ll o ver h er k nees. I 'v e a sk ed h er a h und re d tim es to q uit d ig gin g d ir t in h er d re ss-u p c lo th es. B ut th at la d y n ever lis te ns.
T he g ra ss in fr o nt o f th e p ool is c o vere d in y ard r a k es a nd h and to ols . A ll M is s C elia d oes n o w is h o e u p th e y ard a nd p la nt m ore fa ncy flo w ers . N ever m in d th at M is te r J o hnny h ir e d a fu ll- tim e y ard m an a fe w m onth s a go , n am e o f J o hn W illis . H e w as h o pin g h e'd b e s o m e k in d o f p ro te ctio n a fte r th e n ak ed m an s h o w ed u p , b ut h e's s o o ld h e's b ent u p lik e a p ap er c lip . S kin ny a s o ne to o. I f e el lik e I h ave to c heck o n h im ju st to m ak e s u re h e h asn 't s tr o ked in th e b ush es. I g uess M is te r J o hnny d id n't h ave th e h eart to s e nd h im h o m e fo r s o m eb ody y o unger.
I s p ra y m ore s ta rc h o n M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r. I h ear M is s C elia h o lle rin g in str u ctio ns o n h o w to p la nt a b ush . " T ho se h yd ra ngeas, le t's g et u s s o m e m ore ir o n in th e d ir t. O kay, J o hn W illis ? " " Y es'm ," J o hn W illis h o lle rs b ack .
" S hut u p , la d y," I s a y. T he w ay s h e h o lle rs a t h im , h e th in k s s h e's th e d eaf o ne.
T he p ho ne r in gs a nd I r u n fo r it .
" O H M IN NY," A ib ile en s a ys o n th e p ho ne. " T hey fig ure o ut th e to w n, a in 't n o tim e fo re th ey fig ure out th e peo ple .
" "H e a fo ol is w hat h e is ." "H ow w e k no w M is s H illy e ven g o ne r e ad it ? " A ib ile en s a ys, h er v o ic e tu rn in g h ig h. I h o pe M is s Leefo lt c an't h ear h er. " L aw , w e s h o uld a th o ught th is th ro ugh, M in ny." I'v e n ever h eard A ib ile en lik e th is . I t's lik e s h e's m e a nd I 'm h er. " L is te n," I s a y b ecause s o m eth in g's sta rtin g to m ak e s e nse h ere . " S in ce M is te r J a m es d one m ad e s u ch a s tin k a b out it , w e know s h e go ne r e ad it . E verb ody in to w n g o ne r e ad it n o w ." E ven a s I 'm s a yin g it , I 'm s ta rtin g to r e aliz e it 's tr u e. " D on't c ry y et, c ause m ayb e th in gs is h ap penin g ju st th e w ay th ey s h o uld ." Fiv e m in ute s a fte r I h ang it u p , M is s C elia 's p ho ne r in gs. " M is s C elia r e s--" "I ju st ta lk to L ouvenia ," A ib ile en w his p er. " M is s L ou A nne ju st c o m e h o m e w it h a c o py fo r h ers e lf and a c o py fo r h er b est fr ie nd , H illy H olb ro ok." Here w e g o .
All N IG HT L O NG, I s w ear, I c an fe el M is s H illy r e ad in g o ur b ook. I c an h ear th e w ord s s h e's re ad in g w his p erin g in m y h ead , in h er c o ol, w hit e v o ic e. A t tw o a .m . I g et u p fr o m th e b ed a nd o pen my o w n c o py a nd tr y to g uess w hat c hap te r s h e's o n. I s it o ne o r tw o o r te n? F in ally I ju st s ta re a t th e b lu e c o ver. I 'v e n ever s e en a b ook s u ch a n ic e c o lo r. I w ip e a s m ud ge o ff th e fr o nt.
Then I h id e it b ack in th e p ock et o f m y w in te r c o at I 'v e n ever w orn , s in ce I 'v e r e ad z e ro b ooks a fte r I m arrie d L ero y a nd I d on't w ant to m ak e h im s u sp ic io us w it h th is o ne. I fin ally g o b ack to b ed , te llin g m yse lf th ere 's n o w ay I c an g uess h o w fa r M is s H illy 's r e ad . I d o k no w , th o ugh, s h e h asn 't go tte n to h er p art a t th e e nd . I k no w b ecause I h aven't h eard th e s c re am in g in m y h ead y et.
By m orn in g, I s w ear, I 'm g la d to b e g o in g to w ork . I t's flo or- sc ru b bin g d ay a nd I w ant to ju st g et m y min d o ff it a ll. I h eave m yse lf in to th e c ar a nd d riv e o ut to M ad is o n C ounty . M is s C elia w ent to s e e ano th er d octo r y este rd ay a fte rn o on to fin d o ut a b out h avin g k id s a nd I a b out to ld h er, y o u c an h ave th is o ne, la d y. I 'm s u re s h e'll te ll m e e very la st d eta il a b out it to day. A t le ast th e fo ol h ad th e s e nse to quit th at D octo r T ate .
I p ull u p to th e h o use . I g et to p ark in fr o nt n o w s in ce M is s C elia fin ally d ro pped th e r u se a nd to ld Mis te r J o hnny w hat h e a lr e ad y k new . T he fir s t th in g I s e e is M is te r J o hnny's tr u ck 's s till h o m e. I w ait in m y c ar. H e's n ever o nce b een h ere w hen I c o m e in .
I s te p in to th e k it c hen. I s ta nd in th e m id dle a nd lo ok. S om eb ody a lr e ad y m ad e c o ffe e. I h ear a man's v o ic e in th e d in in g r o om . S om eth in g's g o in g o n h ere .
I le an c lo se to th e d oor a nd h ear M is te r J o hnny, h o m e o n a w eek day a t 8 :3 0 in th e m orn in g, a nd a vo ic e in m y h ead s a ys r u n r ig ht b ack o ut th e d oor. M is s H illy c alle d a nd to ld h im I w as a th ie f. H e fo und o ut a b out th e p ie . H e k no w s a b out th e b ook. " M in ny?" I h ear M is s C elia c all.
Real c are fu l, I p ush th e s w in gin g d oor, p eek o ut. T here 's M is s C elia s e ttin g a t th e h ead o f th e ta b le wit h M is te r J o hnny s e ttin g n ext to h er. T hey b oth lo ok u p a t m e.
Mis te r J o hnny lo oks w hit e r th an th at o ld a lb in o m an th at liv es b ehin d M is s W alt e rs .
"M in ny, b rin g m e a g la ss o f w ate r, p le ase ?" h e s a ys a nd I g et a r e al b ad fe elin g.
I g et h im th e w ate r a nd ta k e it to h im . W hen I s e t th e g la ss d ow n o n th e n ap kin , M is te r J o hnny sta nd s u p . H e g iv es m e a lo ng, h eavy lo ok. L ord , h ere it c o m es.
"I to ld h im a b out th e b ab y," M is s C elia w his p ers . " A ll th e b ab ie s." "M in ny, I w ould 'v e lo st h er if it h ad n't o f b een fo r y o u," h e s a ys, g ra b bin g h o ld o f m y h and s. " T hank God y o u w ere h ere ." I lo ok o ver a t M is s C elia a nd s h e lo oks d ead in th e e yes. I a lr e ad y k no w w hat th at d octo r to ld h er. I can s e e it , th at th ere w on't e ver b e a ny b ab ie s b orn a liv e. M is te r J o hnny s q ueeze s m y h and s, th en h e go es to h er. H e g ets d ow n o n h is k neecap s a nd la ys h is h ead d ow n in h er la p . S he s m ooth es h is h air over a nd o ver.
"D on't le ave. D on't e ver le ave m e, C elia ," h e c rie s.
"T ell h er, J o hnny. T ell M in ny w hat y o u s a id to m e." Mis te r J o hnny lif ts h is h ead . H is h air 's a ll m usse d a nd h e lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'll a lw ays h ave a jo b here w it h u s, M in ny. F or th e r e st o f y o ur lif e , if y o u w ant." "T hank y o u, s ir ," I s a y a nd I m ean it . T ho se a re th e b est w ord s I c o uld h ear to day.
I r e ach fo r th e d oor, b ut M is s C elia s a ys, r e al s o ft, " S ta y in h ere a w hile . W ill y o u, M in ny?" So I le an m y h and o n th e s id eb oard b ecause th e b ab y's g ettin g h eavy o n m e. A nd I w ond er h o w it is th at I h ave s o m uch w hen s h e d oesn 't h ave a ny. H e's c ry in g. S he's c ry in g. W e a re th re e fo ols in th e din in g r o om c ry in g.
"I'm T ELLIN G Y O U," I te ll L ero y in th e k it c hen, tw o d ays la te r. " Y ou p unch th e b utto n a nd th e channel c hange a nd y o u d on't e ven h ave to g et u p fr o m y o ur c hair ." Lero y's e yes d on't m ove fr o m h is p ap er. " T hat d on't m ak e n o s e nse , M in ny." "M is s C elia g o t it , c alle d S pace C om mand . A b ox b out h alf th e s iz e o f a b re ad lo af." Lero y s h ak es h is h ead . " L azy w hit e p eo ple . C an't e ven g et u p to tu rn a k no b." "I r e ck on p eo ple g o ne b e fly in g to th e m oon p re tty s o on," I s a y. I 'm n o t e ven lis te nin g to w hat's co m in g o ut o f m y m outh . I 'm lis te nin g fo r th e s c re am a gain . W hen is th at la d y g o in g to fin is h ?
"W hat's fo r s u p per? " L ero y s a ys.
"Y eah, M am a, w hen w e g o ne e at? " K in d ra s a ys.
I h ear a c ar p ull in th e d riv ew ay. I lis te n a nd th e s p oon s lip s d ow n in to th e p ot o f b eans. " C re am -a - Wheat." "I a in 't e atin g n o C re am -a -W heat fo r s u p per!" L ero y s a ys.
"I h ad th at fo r b re ak fa st! " K in d ra c rie s.
"I m ean--h am . A nd b eans." I g o s la m th e b ack d oor a nd tu rn th e la tc h. I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a gain .
The c ar is b ack in g o ut. I t w as ju st tu rn in g a ro und .
Lero y g ets u p a nd flin gs th e b ack d oor o pen a gain . " It's h o t a s h ell in h ere !" H e c o m es to th e s to ve where I 'm s ta nd in g. " W hat's w ro ng w it h y o u?" h e a sk s, a b out a n in ch fr o m m y fa ce.
"N oth in g," I s a y a nd m ove b ack a lit tle . U su ally , h e d oesn 't m ess w it h m e w hen I 'm p re gnant. B ut h e moves c lo se r. H e s q ueeze s m y a rm h ard .
"W hat'd y o u d o th is tim e?" "I- -I d id n't d o n o th in g," I s a y. " I'm ju st tir e d ." He tig hte ns h is g rip o n m y a rm . I t's s ta rtin g to b urn . " Y ou d on't g et tir e d . N ot till th e te nth m onth ." "I d id n't d o n o th in g, L ero y. J u st g o s e t a nd le m me g et to s u p per." He le ts g o , g iv in g m e a lo ng lo ok. I c an't m eet h is e yes.
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 3 1 E V ER T IM E M is s L eefo lt g o o ut s h o ppin g o r in th e y ard o r e ven to th e b ath ro om , I c heck h er b ed sid e ta b le w here s h e p ut th e b ook. I a ct lik e I 'm d ustin g, b ut w hat I r e ally b e d oin g is c heck in g to s e e if th at F ir s t P re sb yte ria n B ib le b ookm ark 's m oved a ny d eep er in th e p ages. S he's b een r e ad in g it f o r fiv e d ays n o w a nd I flip it o pen to day a nd s h e s till o n C hap te r O ne, p age fo urte en .
S he g o t tw o h und re d a nd th ir ty -fiv e p ages le ft. L aw , s h e r e ad s lo w .
S till, I w ant to te ll h er, y o u r e ad in g a b out M is s S keete r, d on't y o u k no w ? A bout h er g ro w in g u p w it h C onsta ntin e. A nd I 'm s c are d to d eath , b ut I w ant to te ll h er, k eep r e ad in g, la d y, c ause C hap te r T w o g o ne b e a b out yo u.
I a m n erv o us a s a c at s e ein g th at b ook in h er h o use . A ll w eek lo ng I b een tip to ein g a ro und . O ne t im e L i'l M an c o m e u p fr o m b ehin d a nd to uch m e o n th e le g a nd I n ear b out ju m p o ut a m y w ork sh o es. E sp ecia lly o n T hurs d ay, w hen M is s H illy c o m e o ver. T hey s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le a nd w ork o n th e B enefit . E ver o nce in a w hile th ey lo ok u p a nd s m ile , a sk m e to fe tc h a m ayo nnais e s a nd w ic h o r s o m e ic e te a.
T w ic e M is s H illy c o m e in th e k it c hen a nd c all h er m aid , E rn estin e. " A re y o u d one s o ak in g H eath er's s m ock d re ss lik e I to ld y o u to ? U h-h uh, a nd h ave y o u d uste d th e h alf - te ste r c ano py? O h y o u h aven't , w ell g o o n a nd d o th at r ig ht a w ay." I g o in to c o lle ct th ey p la te s a nd I h ear M is s H illy s a y, " I'm u p to C hap te r S even," a nd I fr e eze , th e p la te s in m y h and c la tte rin g. M is s L eefo lt lo ok u p a nd w rin k le h er n o se a t m e.
B ut M is s H illy , s h e s h ak in g h er fin ger a t M is s L eefo lt . " A nd I th in k th ey'r e r ig ht, it ju st fe els lik e J a ck so n." " Y ou d o?" M is s L eefo lt a sk .
M is s H illy le an d ow n a nd w his p er. " I b et w e e ven k no w s o m e o f th ese N ig ra m aid s." " Y ou r e ally th in k s o ?" M is s L eefo lt a sk a nd m y b ody g o c o ld . I c an b are ly m ove a fo ot to w ard th e k it c hen. " I'v e o nly r e ad a lit tle . . ." " I d o. A nd y o u k no w w hat? " M is s H illy s m ile r e al s n eak y-lik e. " I'm g o in g to fig ure o ut e very la st o ne o f th ese p eo ple ." T H E N EX T M ORN IN G, I 'm n ear a b out h yp erv entila tin g a t th e b us s to p th in k in g a b out w hat M is s H illy g o ne d o w hen s h e g et to h er p art, w ond erin g if M is s L eefo lt d one r e ad C hap te r T w o y et. A nd w hen I w alk in h er h o use , th ere M is s L eefo lt is r e ad in g m y b ook a t th e k it c hen ta b le . S he h and m e L i'l M an fr o m h er la p w it h o ut e ven ta k in g h er e yes o ff th e p age. T hen s h e w and er o ff to th e b ack r e ad in g a nd w alk in g a t th e s a m e tim e. A ll a s u d den, s h e c an't g et e no ugh o f it n o w th at M is s H illy done ta k en a in te re st in it .
Few m in ute s la te r, I g o b ack to h er b ed ro om to g et th e d ir ty c lo th es. M is s L eefo lt 's in th e b ath ro om , so I o pen th e b ook a t th e b ookm ark . S he a lr e ad y o n C hap te r Six , W in nie 's c hap te r. T his w here th e whit e la d y g et th e o ld -tim er d is e ase a nd c all th e p olic e d ep artm ent e ver m orn in g c ause a c o lo re d wom an ju st w alk ed in h er h o use . T hat m eans M is s L eefo lt r e ad h er p art a nd ju st kep t o n g oin g.
I'm s c are d b ut I c an't h elp b ut r o ll m y e yes. I b et M is s L eefo lt a in 't g o t n o id ea it b e a b out h ers e lf . I mean, th ank th e L ord , b ut s till. S he p ro bab ly s h ak in g h er h ead in b ed la st n ig ht, r e ad in g b out th is aw fu l w om an w ho d on't k no w h o w to lo ve h er o w n c hild .
Soon a s M is s L eefo lt g o to h er h air a p poin tm ent, I c all M in ny. A ll w e d o la te ly is r u n u p o ur w hit e la d y's p ho ne b ill.
"Y ou h eard a nyth in g?" I a sk .
"N o, n o th in g. M is s L eefo lt fin is h y et? " s h e a sk .
"N o, b ut s h e m ad e it to W in nie la st n ig ht. M is s C elia s till a in 't b ought a c o py?" "T hat la d y d on't lo ok a t n o th in g b ut tr a sh .
I'm c o m in g ," M in ny h o lle r. " T he fo ol's s tu ck in th e h air dry er h o od a gain . I to ld h er n o t to p ut h er h ead in th ere w hen s h e g o t th em b ig r o lle rs in ." "C all m e if y o u h ear a nyth in g," I s a y. " I d o th e s a m e." "S om eth in g's g o ne h ap pen s o on, A ib ile en. I t's g o t to ." TH AT A FTER N OON, I s to m p u p to th e J it n ey to p ic k u p s o m e fr u it a nd c o tta ge c heese fo r M ae Moble y. T hat M is s T aylo r d one it a gain . B ab y G ir l g et o ut th e c arp ool to day, w alk ed s tr a ig ht to h er ro om a nd th ro w ed h ers e lf o n h er b ed . " W hat's w ro ng, B ab y? W hat h ap pen?" "I c o lo re d m yse lf b la ck ," s h e c rie d .
"W hat y o u m ean?" I a sk ed . " W it h th e m ark ers y o u d id ?" I p ic k ed u p h er h and b ut s h e d id n't h ave n o in k o n h er s k in .
"M is s T aylo r s a id to d ra w w hat w e lik e a b out o urs e lv es b est." I s a w th en a w rin k le d , s a d -lo okin g pap er in h er h and . I tu rn ed it o ver a nd s u re e no ugh, th ere 's m y b ab y w hit e g ir l d one c o lo re d h ers e lf bla ck .
"S he s a id b la ck m eans I g o t a d ir ty , b ad fa ce." S he p la nt h er fa ce in h er p illo w a nd c rie d s o m eth in g aw fu l.
Mis s T a ylo r.
A fte r a ll th e tim e I s p ent te achin g M ae M oble y h o w to lo ve a ll p eo ple , n o t ju d ge b y co lo r. I fe el a h ard fis t in m y c hest b ecause w hat p ers o n o ut th ere d on't r e m em ber th ey fir s t- g ra d e te acher? M ayb e th ey d on't r e m em ber w hat th ey le arn , b ut I 'm te llin g y o u, I d one r a is e d e no ugh k id s to k no w , th ey matte r.
At le ast th e J it n ey's c o ol. I fe el b ad I fo rg o t to b uy M ae M oble y's s n ack th is m orn in g. I h urry s o s h e won't h ave to s e t w it h h er m am a fo r to o lo ng. S he d one h id h er p ap er u nd er h er b ed s o h er m am a would n't s e e it .
In th e c an fo od s e ctio n, I g et tw o c ans a tu nafis h . I w alk o ver to fin d th e g re en J e ll- O p ow der a nd th ere 's s w eet L ouvenia in h er w hit e u nif o rm lo okin g a t p eanut b utte r. I 'll th in k a L ouvenia a s C hap te r Seven fo r th e r e st a m y lif e .
"H ow 's R obert d oin g?" I a sk , p attin g h er a rm . L ouvenia w ork a ll d ay fo r M is s L ou A nne a nd th en co m e h o m e e ver a fte rn o on a nd ta k e R obert to b lin d s c ho ol s o h e c an le arn to r e ad w it h h is fin gers .
And I h ave n ever h eard L ouvenia c o m pla in o nce.
"L earn in g to g et a ro und ." S he n o d. " Y ou a lr ig ht? F eel o kay?" "J u st n erv o us. Y ou h eard a nyth in g a t a ll? " She s h ak e h er h ead . " M y b oss b een r e ad in g it , th o ugh." M is s L ou A nne's in M is s L eefo lt 's b rid ge clu b . M is s L ou A nne w as r e al g o od to L ouvenia w hen R obert g o t h urt.
We w alk d ow n th e a is le w it h o ur h and bask ets . T here b e tw o w hit e la d ie s ta lk in g b y th e g ra ham cra ck ers . T hey k in d a fa m ilia r lo okin g, b ut I d on't k no w th ey n am es. S oon a s w e g et c lo se , th ey hush u p a nd lo ok a t u s. F unny h o w th ey a in 't s m ilin g.
"S cuse m e," I s a y a nd m ove o n p ast. W hen w e n o t b ut a fo ot a w ay, I h ear o ne s a y, " T hat's th e Nig ra w ait s o n E liz a b eth . . ." A c art r a ttle s p ast u s, b lo ck in g th e w ord s.
"I b et y o u'r e r ig ht," th e o th er o ne s a y. " I b et th at's h er . . ." Me a nd L ouvenia k eep w alk in g r e al q uie t, lo okin g d ead a head . I fe el p ric k le s u p m y n eck , h earin g th e la d ie s' h eels c la ck a w ay. I k no w L ouvenia h eard b ette r th an I d id , c ause h er e ars is te n y ears yo unger th an m in e. A t th e e nd a th e a is le w e s ta rt to g o in d if fe re nt d ir e ctio ns, b ut th en w e b oth tu rn to lo ok a t e ach o th er.
Did I h ea r r ig ht?
I s a y w it h m y e yes.
Yo u h ea rd r ig ht, L ouvenia 's s a y b ack .
Ple ase , M is s H illy , re a d.
R ead lik e th e w in d .
MIN NY ch ap te r 3 2 A N OTH ER D AY P A SSES, a nd s till I c an h ear M is s H illy 's v o ic e ta lk in g th e w ord s, r e ad in g th e l in es. I d on't h ear th e s c re am . N ot y et. B ut s h e's g ettin g c lo se .
A ib ile en to ld m e w hat th e la d ie s in th e J it n ey s a id y este rd ay, b ut w e h aven't h eard a no th er th in g s in ce. I k eep d ro ppin g th in gs, b ro ke m y la st m easu rin g c up to nig ht a nd L ero y's e yein g m e lik e h e k no w s. R ig ht n o w h e's d rin k in g c o ffe e a t th e ta b le a nd th e k id s a re d ra p ed a ll o ver th e k it c hen d oin g t h eir h o m ew ork .
I ju m p w hen I s e e A ib ile en s ta nd in g a t th e s c re en d oor. S he p uts h er fin ger to h er lip s a nd n o ds to m e. T hen s h e d is a p pears .
" K in d ra , g et th e p la te s, S ugar, w atc h th e b eans, F elic ia , g et D ad dy to s ig n th at te st, M am a n eed s s o m e a ir ." P oof I d is a p pear o ut th e s c re en d oor.
A ib ile en's s ta nd in g o n th e s id e o f th e h o use in h er w hit e u nif o rm .
" W hat h ap pen?" I a sk . I n sid e I h ear L ero y y ell, " A Eff?
" H e w on't to uch th e k id s. H e'll y ell, b ut t h at's w hat fa th ers a re s u p pose d to d o.
" O ne-a rm E rn estin e c all a nd s a y M is s H illy 's ta lk in g a ll o ver to w n a b out w ho 's in th e b ook. S he t e llin g w hit e la d ie s to fir e th ey m aid s a nd s h e a in 't e ven g uessin g th e r ig ht o nes!" A ib ile en lo oks s o u p se t, s h e's s h ak in g. S he's tw is tin g a c lo th in to a w hit e r o pe. I 'll b et s h e d oesn 't e ven r e aliz e s h e c arrie d o ver h er r e al d in ner n ap kin .
" W ho s h e s a yin g?" " S he to ld M is s S in cla ir to fir e A nnab elle . S o M is s S in cla ir fir e d h er a nd th en to ok h er c ar k eys a w ay c ause s h e lo aned h er h alf th e m oney to b uy th e c ar. A nnab elle a lr e ad y p aid m ost o f it b ack b ut it 's g o ne." " T hat wit c h ," I w his p er, g rin d in g m y te eth .
" T hat a in 't a ll, M in ny." I h ear b oots te p s in th e k it c hen. " H urry , fo re L ero y c atc h u s w his p erin g." " M is s H illy to ld M is s L ou A nne, 'Y our L ouvenia 's in h ere . I k no w s h e is a nd y o u n eed to fir e h er.
Y ou o ught to s e nd th at N ig ra to ja il. ' " " B ut L ouvenia d id n't s a y a s in gle b ad th in g a b out M is s L ou A nne!" I s a y. " A nd s h e g o t R obert to t a k e c are o f! W hat M is s L ou A nne s a y?" A ib ile en b it e s h er lip . S he s h ak es h er h ead a nd th e te ars c o m e d ow n h er fa ce.
" S he s a y . . . s h e g o ne th in k a b out it ." " W hic h o ne? T he fir in g o r th e ja il? " Aib ile en s h ru g. " B oth , I r e ck on." "J e su s C hris t," I s a y, w antin g to k ic k s o m eth in g. S om e body.
"M in ny, w hat if M is s H illy d on't e ver fin is h r e ad in g it ? " "I d on't k no w , A ib ile en. I ju st d on't k no w ." Aib ile en's e yes je rk u p to th e d oor a nd th ere 's L ero y, w atc hin g u s fr o m b ehin d th e s c re en. H e s ta nd s th ere , q uie t, u ntil I te ll A bile en g o odbye a nd c o m e b ack in sid e.
AT F IV E-T H IR TY T H AT M ORN IN G, L ero y fa lls in to b ed n ext to m e. I w ak e u p to th e s q uaw k o f th e fr a m e a nd th e s te nch o f th e liq uo r. I g rit m y te eth , p ra yin g h e d oesn 't tr y to s ta rt a fig ht. I a m to o tir e d fo r it . N ot th at I w as a sle ep g o od a nyw ay, w orry in g a b out A ib ile en a nd h er n ew s. F or M is s Hilly , L ouvenia w ould ju st b e a no th er ja il k ey o n th at w it c h's b elt .
Lero y flo ps a ro und a nd to sse s a nd tu rn s, n ever m in d h is p re gnant w if e 's tr y in g to s le ep . W hen th e fo ol fin ally g ets s e ttle d , I h ear h is w his p er.
"W hat's th e b ig s e cre t, M in ny?" I c an fe el h im w atc hin g m e, fe el h is liq uo r b re ath o n m y s h o uld er. I d on't m ove.
"Y ou k no w I 'll fin d o ut," h e h is se s. " I a lw ays d o." In a b out te n s e co nd s, h is b re ath in g s lo w s to a lm ost d ead a nd h e th ro w s h is h and a cro ss m e.
Thank yo u f o r t h is b aby , I p ra y. B ecause th at's th e o nly th in g th at s a ved m e, th is b ab y in m y b elly . A nd th at is th e u gly tr u th .
I la y th ere g rin d in g m y te eth , w ond erin g, w orry in g. L ero y, h e's o nto s o m eth in g. A nd G od k no w s what'll h ap pen to m e if h e fin d s o ut. H e k no w s a b out th e b ook, e very b ody d oes, ju st n o t th at h is wif e w as a p art o f it , th ank y o u. P eo ple p ro bab ly a ssu m e I d on't c are if h e fin d s o ut- -o h I k no w what p eo ple th in k . T hey th in k b ig s tr o ng M in ny, s h e s u re c an s ta nd u p fo r h ers e lf . B ut th ey d on't kno w w hat a p ath etic m ess I tu rn in to w hen L ero y's b eatin g o n m e. I 'm a fr a id to h it b ack . I 'm a fr a id he'll le ave m e if I d o. I k no w it m ak es n o s e nse a nd I g et s o m ad a t m yse lf fo r b ein g s o w eak ! H ow can I lo ve a m an w ho b eats m e r a w ? W hy d o I lo ve a fo ol d rin k er? O ne tim e I a sk ed h im , " W hy?
Why a re y o u h it tin g m e?" H e le aned d ow n a nd lo oked m e r ig ht in th e fa ce.
"If I d id n't h it y o u, M in ny, w ho know s w hat y o u b eco m e." I w as tr a p ped in th e c o rn er o f th e b ed ro om lik e a d og. H e w as b eatin g m e w it h h is b elt . I t w as th e fir s t tim e I 'd e ver r e ally th o ught a b out it .
Who know s w hat I c o uld b eco m e, if L ero y w ould s to p g o ddam n h it tin g m e.
TH E N EX T N IG HT, I m ak e e very b ody g o to b ed e arly , in clu d in g m yse lf . L ero y's a t th e p la nt u ntil fiv e a nd I 'm fe elin g to o h eavy fo r m y tim e. L ord , m ayb e it 's tw in s. I 'm n o t p ayin g a d octo r to te ll m e th at b ad n ew s. A ll I k no w is , th is b ab y's a lr e ad y b ig ger th an th e o th ers w hen th ey c am e o ut, a nd I 'm only s ix m onth s.
I fa ll in to a h eavy s le ep . I 'm d re am in g I 'm a t a lo ng w ooden ta b le a nd I 'm a t a fe ast. I 'm g naw in g o n a b ig r o aste d tu rk ey le g.
I fly u p rig ht in m y b ed . M y b re ath is fa st. " W ho th ere ?" My h eart's flin gin g it s e lf a gain st m y c hest. I lo ok a ro und m y d ark b ed ro om . I t's h alf - p ast m id nig ht.
Lero y's n o t h ere , th ank G od. B ut s o m eth in g w oke m e fo r s u re .
And th en I r e aliz e w hat it w as th at w oke m e. I h eard w hat I 'v e b een w ait in g o n. W hat w e'v e a ll b een wait in g o n.
I h eard M is s H illy 's s c re am .
MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 3 3 M Y E Y ES P O P O PEN . M y c hest is p um pin g. I 'm s w eatin g. T he g re envin ed w allp ap er is s n ak in g u p th e w alls . W hat w oke m e? W hat was th at?
I g et o ut o f b ed a nd lis te n. I t d id n't s o und lik e M oth er. I t w as to o h ig h-p it c hed . I t w as a s c re am , lik e m ate ria l r ip pin g in to tw o s h re d ded p ie ces.
I s it b ack o n th e b ed a nd p re ss m y h and to m y h eart. I t's s till p ound in g. N oth in g is g o in g a s p la nned .
P eo ple k no w th e b ook is a b out J a ck so n. I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t w hat a s lo w g o ddam n r e ad er H illy i s . I 'll b et s h e's te llin g p eo ple s h e's r e ad m ore th an s h e h as. N ow th in gs a re s p in nin g o ut o f c o ntr o l, a m aid n am ed A nnab elle w as fir e d , w hit e w om en a re w his p erin g a b out A ib ile en a nd L ouvenia a nd w ho k no w s w ho e ls e . A nd th e ir o ny is , I 'm g naw in g m y h and s w ait in g fo r H illy to s p eak u p w hen I 'm th e o nly o ne in th is to w n w ho d oesn 't c are w hat s h e h as to s a y a nym ore .
W hat if th e b ook w as a h o rrib le m is ta k e?
I ta k e a d eep , p ain fu l b re ath . I tr y to th in k o f th e fu tu re , n o t th e p re se nt. A m onth a go , I m aile d o ut f if te en r e su m es to D alla s, M em phis , B ir m in gham , a nd fiv e o th er c it ie s, a nd o nce a gain , N ew Y ork .
M is su s S te in to ld m e I c o uld lis t h er a s a r e fe re nce, w hic h is p ro bab ly th e o nly n o ta b le th in g o n th e p age, h avin g a r e co m mend atio n fr o m s o m eo ne in p ub lis h in g. I a d ded th e jo bs I 'v e h eld fo r th e p ast y ear:
W eek ly H ouse k eep in g C olu m nis t f o r t h e J a ck so n J o urn al N ew sp aper E dit o r o f t h e J u nio r L ea gue o f J a ck so n N ew sle tte r A uth or o f H elp , a c o ntro versia l b ook a bout c o lo re d h ouse k eep ers a nd t h eir w hit e e m plo yers, H arp er & R ow I d id n't r e ally in clu d e th e b ook, I ju st w ante d to ty p e it o ut o nce. B ut n o w , e ven if I d id g et a jo b o ffe r in a b ig c it y , I c an't a b and on A ib ile en in th e m id dle o f th is m ess. N ot w it h th in gs g o in g s o b ad ly .
B ut G od, I h ave to g et o ut o f M is sis sip pi. B esid es M oth er a nd D ad dy, I h ave n o th in g le ft h ere , n o f r ie nd s, n o jo b I r e ally c are a b out, n o S tu art. B ut it 's n o t ju st o ut o f h ere . W hen I a d dre sse d m y r e su m e to th e New Y o rk P ost, T he N ew Y o rk T im es, H arp er's M agazin e, T he N ew Y o rk er m agazin e, I fe lt th at s u rg e a gain , th e s a m e I 'd fe lt in c o lle ge, o f h o w m uch I w ant to b e th ere . N ot D alla s, n o t M em phis -- New Y o rk C it y , w here w rit e rs a re s u p pose d to liv e. B ut I 'v e h eard n o th in g b ack fr o m a ny o f th em . W hat if I n ever le ave? W hat if I 'm s tu ck . H ere . F ore ver?
I lie d ow n a nd w atc h th e fir s t r a ys o f s u n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow . I s h iv er. T hat r ip pin g s c re am , I r e aliz e , w as me.
I 'm S TA N DIN G I N B REN T'S D ru g S to re p ic k in g o ut M oth er's L ustr e C re am a nd a V in o lia s o ap bar, w hile M r. R oberts w ork s o n h er p re sc rip tio n. M oth er s a ys s h e d oesn 't n eed th e m ed ic in e anym ore , th at th e o nly c ure fo r c ancer is h avin g a d aughte r w ho w on't c ut h er h air a nd w ears dre sse s to o h ig h a b ove th e k nee e ven o n S und ay, b ecause w ho k no w s w hat ta ck in ess I 'd d o to myse lf if s h e d ie d .
I'm ju st g ra te fu l M oth er's b ette r. I f m y fif te en-se co nd e ngagem ent to S tu art is w hat s p urre d M oth er's will to liv e, th e fa ct th at I 'm s in gle a gain fu ele d h er s tr e ngth e ven m ore . S he w as c le arly d is a p poin te d by o ur b re ak up , b ut th en b ounced b ack s u p erb ly . M oth er e ven w ent s o fa r a s to s e t m e u p w it h a th ir d c o usin r e m oved , w ho is th ir ty -fiv e a nd b eautif u l a nd c le arly h o m ose xual. " M oth er," I 'd s a id when h e le ft a fte r s u p per, fo r h o w c o uld s h e n o t s e e it ? " H e's . . ." b ut I 'd s to pped . I 'd p atte d h er hand in ste ad . " H e s a id I w asn 't h is ty p e." Now I 'm h urry in g to g et o ut o f th e d ru gsto re b efo re a nyo ne I k no w c o m es in . I s h o uld b e u se d to my is o la tio n b y n o w , b ut I 'm n o t. I m is s h avin g fr ie nd s. N ot H illy , b ut s o m etim es E liz a b eth , th e o ld , sw eet E liz a b eth b ack in h ig h s c ho ol. I t g o t h ard er w hen I fin is h ed th e b ook a nd I c o uld n't e ven v is it Aib ile en a nym ore . W e d ecid ed it w as to o r is k y. I m is s g o in g to h er h o use a nd ta lk in g to h er m ore th an a nyth in g.
Every fe w d ays, I s p eak to A ib ile en o n th e p ho ne, b ut it 's n o t th e s a m e a s s it tin g w it h h er.
Ple a se , I th in k w hen s h e u p date s m e o n w hat's g o in g o n a ro und to w n, ple a se le t s o m e g ood c o m e o ut o f th is .
B ut s o fa r, n o th in g. J u st g ir ls g o ssip in g a nd tr e atin g th e b ook lik e a g am e, tr y in g to g uess w ho is who a nd H illy a ccusin g th e w ro ng p eo ple . I w as th e o ne w ho a ssu re d th e c o lo re d m aid s w e would n't b e fo und o ut, a nd I a m th e o ne r e sp onsib le fo r th is .
The fr o nt b ell tin k le s. I lo ok o ver a nd in w alk E liz a b eth a nd L ou A nne T em ple to n. I s lip b ack in to beauty c re am s, h o pin g th ey d on't s e e m e. B ut th en I p eek o ver th e s h elv es to lo ok. T hey'r e h ead in g fo r th e lu nch c o unte r, h ud dle d to geth er lik e s c ho olg ir ls . L ou A nne's w earin g h er u su al lo ng s le eves in th e s u m mer h eat a nd h er c o nsta nt s m ile . I w ond er if s h e k no w s s h e's in th e b ook.
Eliz a b eth 's g o t h er h air p oufe d u p in fr o nt a nd s h e's c o vere d th e b ack in a s c arf, th e y ello w s c arf I gave h er fo r h er tw enty -th ir d b ir th d ay. I s ta nd th ere a m in ute , le ttin g m yse lf fe el h o w s tr a nge th is a ll is , w atc hin g th em , k no w in g w hat I k no w . S he h as r e ad u p to C hap te r T en, A ib ile en to ld m e la st nig ht, a nd s till d oesn 't h ave th e fa in te st id ea th at s h e's r e ad in g a b out h ers e lf a nd h er fr ie nd s.
"S keete r? " M r. R oberts c alls o ut fr o m h is la nd in g a b ove th e r e gis te r. " Y our m am a's m ed ic in e's re ad y." I w alk to th e fr o nt o f th e s to re , a nd h ave to p ass E liz a b eth a nd L ou A nne a t th e lu nch c o unte r. T hey keep th eir b ack s to m e, b ut I c an s e e th eir e yes in th e m ir ro r, fo llo w in g m e. T hey lo ok d ow n a t th e sa m e tim e.
I p ay fo r th e m ed ic in e a nd M oth er's tu b es a nd g o o a nd w ork m y w ay b ack th ro ugh th e a is le s. A s I tr y to e sc ap e a lo ng th e fa r s id e o f th e s to re , L ou A nne T em ple to n s te p s fr o m b ehin d th e h air b ru sh ra ck .
"S keete r," s h e s a ys. " Y ou h ave a m in ute ?" I s ta nd th ere b lin k in g, s u rp ris e d . N o o ne's a sk ed m e fo r e ven a s e co nd , m uch le ss a m in ute , in o ver eig ht m onth s. " U m, s u re ," I s a y, w ary .
Lou A nne g la nces o ut th e w in d ow a nd I s e e E liz a b eth h ead in g fo r h er c ar, a m ilk sh ak e in h and . L ou Anne m otio ns m e c lo se r, b y th e s h am poos a nd d eta ngle rs .
"Y our m am a, I h o pe s h e's s till d oin g b ette r? " L ou A nne a sk s. H er s m ile is n o t q uit e a s b eam in g a s usu al. S he p ulls a t th e lo ng s le eves o f h er d re ss, e ven th o ugh a fin e s w eat c o vers h er fo re head .
"S he's fin e. S till . . . in r e m is sio n." "I'm s o g la d ." S he n o ds a nd w e s ta nd th ere a w kw ard ly , lo okin g a t e ach o th er. L ou A nne ta k es a deep b re ath . " I k no w w e h aven't ta lk ed in a w hile b ut," s h e lo w ers h er v o ic e, " I ju st th o ught y o u sh o uld k no w w hat H illy 's s a yin g. S he's s a yin g y o u w ro te th at b ook... a b out th e m aid s." "I h eard th at b ook w as w rit te n a no nym ously ," is m y q uic k a nsw er, n o t s u re I e ven w ant to a ct lik e I'v e r e ad it . E ven th o ugh e very o ne in to w n's r e ad in g it . A ll th re e b ooksto re s a re s o ld o ut a nd th e lib ra ry h as a tw o-m onth w ait in g lis t.
She h o ld s u p h er p alm , lik e a s to p s ig n. " I d on't w ant to k no w if it 's tr u e. B ut H illy . . ." S he s te p s clo se r to m e. " H illy H olb ro ok c alle d m e th e o th er d ay a nd to ld m e to fir e m y m aid L ouvenia ." H er ja w tig hte ns a nd s h e s h ak es h er h ead .
Ple a se .
I h o ld m y b re ath .
Ple a se d on't s a y y o u f ir e d h er.
"S keete r, L ouvenia . . ." L ou A nne lo oks m e in th e e ye, s a ys, " s h e's th e o nly r e aso n I c an g et o ut o f bed s o m etim es." I d on't s a y a nyth in g. M ayb e th is is a tr a p H illy 's s e t.
"A nd I 'm s u re y o u th in k I 'm ju st s o m e d um b g ir l . . . th at I a gre e w it h e very th in g H illy s a ys." T ears co m e u p in h er e yes. H er lip s a re tr e m blin g. " T he d octo rs w ant m e to g o u p to M em phis fo r...
sh ock tre a tm en t . . ." S he c o vers h er fa ce b ut a te ar s lip s th ro ugh h er fin gers . " F or th e d ep re ssio n a nd th e .
. . th e tr ie s," s h e w his p ers .
I lo ok d ow n a t h er lo ng s le eves a nd I w ond er if th at's w hat s h e's b een h id in g. I h o pe I 'm n o t r ig ht, but I s h ud der.
"O f c o urs e , H enry s a ys I n eed to s h ap e u p o r s h ip o ut." S he m ak es a m arc hin g m otio n, tr y in g to sm ile , b ut it fa lls q uic k ly a nd th e s a d ness flic k ers b ack in to h er fa ce.
"S keete r, L ouvenia is th e b ra vest p ers o n I k no w . E ven w it h a ll h er o w n tr o ub le s, s h e s it s d ow n a nd ta lk s to m e. S he h elp s m e g et th ro ugh m y d ays. W hen I r e ad w hat s h e w ro te a b out m e, a b out help in g h er w it h h er g ra nd so n, I 'v e n ever b een s o g ra te fu l in m y lif e . I t w as th e b est I 'd fe lt in month s." I d on't k no w w hat to s a y. T his is th e o nly g o od th in g I 'v e h eard a b out th e b ook a nd I w ant h er to te ll me m ore . I g uess A ib ile en h asn 't h eard th is y et, e it h er. B ut I 'm w orrie d to o b ecause , c le arly , L ou Anne k no w s.
"If y o u d id w rit e it , if H illy 's r u m or is tr u e, I ju st w ant y o u to k no w , I w ill n ever fir e L ouvenia . I to ld Hilly I 'd th in k a b out it , b ut if H illy H olb ro ok e ver s a ys th at to m e a gain , I w ill te ll h er to h er fa ce s h e dese rv ed th at p ie a nd m ore ." "H ow d o--w hat m ak es y o u th in k th at w as H illy ?" Our p ro te ctio n--o ur in su ra nce, it 's g one if t h e pie s e cre t is o ut.
"M ayb e it w as a nd m ayb e it w asn 't . B ut th at's th e ta lk ." L ou A nne s h ak es h er h ead . " T hen th is morn in g I h eard H illy 's te llin g e very b ody th e b ook's n o t e ven a b out J a ck so n. W ho k no w s w hy." I s u ck in a b re ath , w his p er, " T hank G od." "W ell, H enry 'll b e h o m e s o on." S he p ulls h er h and bag u p o n h er s h o uld er a nd s ta nd s u p s tr a ig hte r.
The s m ile c o m es b ack o n h er fa ce lik e a m ask .
She tu rn s fo r th e d oor, b ut lo oks b ack a t m e a s s h e o pens it . " A nd I 'll te ll y o u o ne m ore th in g. H illy Holb ro ok's n o t g ettin g m y v o te fo r L eague p re sid ent in J a nuary . O r e ver a gain , fo r th at m atte r." On th at, s h e w alk s o ut, th e b ell tin k lin g b ehin d h er.
I lin ger a t th e w in d ow . O uts id e, a fin e r a in h as s ta rte d to fa ll, m is tin g th e g la ssy c ars a nd s lic k in g th e bla ck p avem ent. I w atc h L ou A nne s lip a w ay in th e p ark in g lo t, th in k in g, There is s o m uch y o u don't k now a bout a p erso n.
I w ond er if I c o uld 'v e m ad e h er d ays a lit tle b it e asie r, if I 'd tr ie d . I f I 'd tr e ate d h er a lit tle n ic er. W asn 't th at th e p oin t o f th e b ook? F or w om en to r e aliz e , We a re j u st t w o peo ple . N ot t h at m uch s e p ara te s u s. N ot n ea rly a s m uch a s I ' d t h ought.
But L ou A nne, s h e u nd ers to od th e p oin t o f th e b ook b efo re s h e e ver r e ad it . T he o ne w ho w as mis sin g th e p oin t th is tim e w as m e.
TH AT E V EN IN G, I c all A ib ile en fo ur tim es, b ut h er p ho ne lin e is b usy. I h ang u p a nd s it fo r a w hile in th e p antr y , s ta rin g a t th e ja rs o f fig p re se rv es C onsta ntin e p ut u p b efo re th e fig tr e e d ie d . A ib ile en to ld m e th at th e m aid s ta lk a ll th e tim e a b out th e b ook a nd w hat's h ap penin g. S he g ets s ix o r s e ven pho ne c alls a n ig ht.
I s ig h. I t's W ed nesd ay. T om orro w I tu rn in m y M is s M yrn a c o lu m n th at I w ro te s ix w eek s a go .
Again , I 'v e s to ck pile d tw o d oze n o f th em , b ecause I h ave n o th in g e ls e to d o. A fte r th at, th ere 's no th in g le ft to th in k a b out, e xcep t w orry .
Som etim es, w hen I 'm b ore d , I c an't h elp b ut th in k w hat m y lif e w ould b e lik e if I h ad n't w rit te n th e book. M ond ay, I w ould 'v e p la yed b rid ge. A nd to m orro w n ig ht, I 'd b e g o in g to th e L eague m eetin g and tu rn in g in th e n ew sle tte r. T hen o n F rid ay n ig ht, S tu art w ould ta k e m e to d in ner a nd w e'd s ta y o ut la te a nd I 'd b e tir e d w hen I g o t u p fo r m y te nnis g am e o n S atu rd ay. T ir e d a nd c o nte nt a nd . . .
fr u str a te d .
Because H illy w ould 'v e c alle d h er m aid a th ie f th at a fte rn o on, a nd I w ould 'v e ju st s a t th ere a nd lis te ned to it . A nd E liz a b eth w ould 'v e g ra b bed h er c hild 's a rm to o h ard a nd I w ould 'v e lo oked a w ay, lik e I d id n't s e e it . A nd I 'd b e e ngaged to S tu art a nd I w ould n't w ear s h o rt d re sse s, o nly s h o rt h air , or c o nsid er d oin g a nyth in g r is k y lik e w rit e a b ook a b out c o lo re d h o use k eep ers , to o a fr a id h e'd dis a p pro ve. A nd w hile I 'd n ever lie a nd te ll m yse lf I a ctu ally c hanged th e m in d s o f p eo ple lik e H illy and E liz a b eth , a t le ast I d on't h ave to p re te nd I a gre e w it h th em a nym ore .
I g et o ut o f th at s tu ffy p antr y w it h a p anic k y fe elin g. I s lip o n m y m an h uara ches a nd w alk o ut in to th e w arm n ig ht. T he m oon is fu ll a nd th ere 's ju st e no ugh lig ht. I fo rg o t to c heck th e m ailb ox th is afte rn o on a nd I 'm th e o nly o ne w ho e ver d oes it . I o pen it a nd th ere 's o ne s in gle le tte r. I t's fr o m Harp er & R ow , s o it m ust b e fr o m M is su s S te in . I 'm s u rp ris e d s h e w ould s e nd s o m eth in g h ere s in ce I h ave a ll th e b ook c o ntr a cts s e nt to a b ox a t th e p ost o ffic e, ju st in c ase . I t's to o d ark to r e ad , s o I tu ck it in th e b ack p ock et o f m y b lu e je ans.
In ste ad o f w alk in g u p th e la ne, I c ut th ro ugh th e " o rc hard ," fe elin g th e s o ft g ra ss u nd er m y fe et, ste p pin g a ro und th e e arly p ears th at h ave fa lle n. I t is S ep te m ber a gain a nd I 'm h ere . S till h ere . E ven Stu art h as m oved o n. A n a rtic le a fe w w eek s a go a b out th e S enato r s a id th at S tu art m oved h is o il co m pany d ow n to N ew O rle ans s o th at h e c an s p end tim e o ut o n th e r ig s a t s e a a gain .
I h ear th e r u m ble o f g ra vel. I c an't s e e th e c ar d riv in g u p th e la ne, th o ugh, b ecause fo r s o m e r e aso n, th e h ead lig hts a re n't o n.
I W ATC H H ER p ark th e O ld sm obile in fr o nt o f th e h o use a nd tu rn o ff th e e ngin e, b ut s h e s ta ys in sid e. O ur fr o nt p orc h lig hts a re o n, y ello w a nd flic k erin g w it h n ig ht b ugs. S he's le anin g o ver h er ste erin g w heel, lik e s h e's tr y in g to s e e w ho 's h o m e. W hat th e h ell d oes s h e w ant? I w atc h a fe w se co nd s. T hen I th in k , Get t o h er f ir st.
G et to h er b efo re s h e d oes w hate ver it is s h e's p la nnin g.
I w alk q uie tly th ro ugh th e y ard . S he lig hts a c ig are tte , th ro w s th e m atc h o ut th e o pen w in d ow in to our d riv e.
I a p pro ach h er c ar fr o m b ehin d , b ut s h e d oesn 't s e e m e.
"W ait in g fo r s o m eo ne?" I s a y a t th e w in d ow .
Hilly ju m ps a nd d ro ps h er c ig are tte in to th e g ra vel. S he s c ra m ble s o ut o f th e c ar a nd s la m s th e d oor clo se d , b ack in g a w ay fr o m m e.
"D on't y o u g et a n in ch c lo se r," s h e s a ys.
So I s to p w here I a m a nd ju st lo ok a t h er. W ho would n't lo ok a t h er? H er b la ck h air is a m ess. A curl o n to p is flo ppy, s tic k in g s tr a ig ht u p . H alf h er b lo use is u ntu ck ed , h er fa t s tr e tc hin g th e b utto ns, and I c an s e e s h e's g ain ed m ore w eig ht. A nd th ere 's a . . . s o re . I t's in th e c o rn er o f h er m outh , sc ab by a nd h o t r e d . I h aven't s e en H illy w it h o ne o f th o se s in ce J o hnny b ro ke u p w it h h er in c o lle ge.
She lo oks m e u p a nd d ow n. " W hat a re y o u, s o m e k in d o f h ip pie n o w ? G od, y o ur p oor m am a m ust be s o e m barra sse d o f y o u." "H illy , w hy a re y o u h ere ?" "T o te ll y o u I 'v e c o nta cte d m y la w yer, H ib bie G oodm an, w ho h ap pens to b e th e n um ber o ne e xp ert on th e lib el la w s in M is sis sip pi, a nd y o u a re in b ig tr o ub le , m is sy. Y ou'r e g o in g to ja il, y o u k no w th at? " "Y ou c an't p ro ve a nyth in g, H illy ." I 'v e h ad th is d is c ussio n w it h th e le gal d ep artm ent o f H arp er & Row . W e w ere v ery c are fu l in o ur o bsc urit y .
"W ell, I o ne-h und re d -p erc ent k no w y o u w ro te it b ecause th ere is n 't a nyb ody e ls e in to w n a s ta ck y as y o u. T ak in g u p w it h N ig ra s lik e th at." It is tr u ly b afflin g th at w e w ere e ver fr ie nd s. I th in k a b out g o in g in sid e a nd lo ck in g th e d oor. B ut th ere 's a n e nvelo pe in h er h and , a nd th at m ak es m e n erv o us.
"I k no w th ere 's b een a lo t o f ta lk , H illy , a nd a lo t o f r u m ors --" "O h, th at ta lk d oesn 't h urt m e. E very o ne in to w n k no w s it 's n o t J a ck so n. I t's s o m e to w n y o u m ad e up in th at s ic k lit tle h ead o f y o urs , a nd I k no w w ho h elp ed y o u, to o." My ja w tig hte ns. S he o bvio usly k no w s a b out M in ny, a nd L ouvenia I k new a lr e ad y, b ut d oes s h e kno w a b out A ib ile en? O r th e o th ers ?
Hilly w aves th e e nvelo pe a t m e a nd it c ra ck le s. " I a m h ere to in fo rm y o ur m oth er o f w hat y o u'v e done.
" "Y ou'r e g o in g to te ll m y moth er o n m e?" I la ugh, b ut th e tr u th is , M oth er d oesn 't k no w a nyth in g ab out it . A nd I w ant to k eep it th at w ay. S he'd b e m ortif ie d a nd a sh am ed o f m e a nd ... I lo ok d ow n at th e e nvelo pe. W hat if it m ak es h er s ic k a gain ?
"I m ost c erta in ly a m ." H illy w alk s u p th e fr o nt s te p s, h ead h eld h ig h.
I fo llo w q uic k ly b ehin d H illy to th e fr o nt d oor. S he o pens it a nd w alk s in lik e it 's h er o w n h o use .
"H illy , I d id n o t in vit e y o u in h ere ," I s a y, g ra b bin g h er a rm . " Y ou g et- -" But th en M oth er a p pears fr o m a ro und th e c o rn er a nd I d ro p m y h and .
"W hy, Hilly ," M oth er s a ys. S he is in h er b ath ro be a nd h er c ane w obble s a s s h e w alk s. " It's b een su ch a lo ng tim e, d ear." Hilly b lin k s a t h er s e vera l tim es. I d o n o t k no w if H illy is m ore s h o ck ed a t h o w m y m oth er lo oks, o r th e o th er w ay a ro und . M oth er's o nce th ic k b ro w n h air is n o w s n o w w hit e a nd th in . T he tr e m blin g hand o n h er c ane p ro bab ly lo oks s k ele to nlik e to s o m eo ne w ho h asn 't s e en h er. B ut w ors t o f a ll, Moth er d oesn 't h ave a ll o f h er te eth in , o nly h er fr o nt o nes. T he h o llo w s in h er c heek s a re d eep , death ly .
"M is su s P hela n, I 'm --I'm h ere to --" "H illy , a re y o u ill? Y ou lo ok h o rre nd ous," M oth er s a ys. Hilly lic k s h er lip s. " W ell I - -I d id n't h ave tim e to g et fix ed u p b efo re --" Moth er is s h ak in g h er h ead . " H illy , darlin g.
N o y o ung h usb and w ants to c o m e h o m e a nd s e e th is .
Look a t y o ur h air . A nd th at . . ." M oth er fr o w ns, p eerin g c lo se r a t th e c o ld s o re . " T hat is n o t attr a ctiv e, d ear." I k eep m y e ye o n th e le tte r. M oth er p oin ts h er fin ger a t m e. " I'm c allin g F anny M ae's to m orro w a nd I'm g o in g to m ak e a n a p poin tm ent fo r th e b oth o f y o u." "M is su s P hela n, th at's n o t- -" "N o n eed to th ank m e," M oth er s a ys. " It's th e le ast I c an d o fo r y o u, n o w th at y o ur o w n d ear moth er's n o t a ro und fo r g uid ance. N ow , I 'm o ff to b ed ," a nd M oth er h o bble s to w ard h er b ed ro om .
"N ot to o la te , g ir ls ." Hilly s ta nd s th ere a s e co nd , h er m outh h angin g o pen. F in ally , s h e g o es to th e d oor a nd flin gs it o pen and w alk s o ut. T he le tte r is s till in h er h and .
"Y ou a re in a lif e tim e o f tr o ub le , S keete r," s h e h is se s a t m e, h er m outh lik e a fis t. " A nd th o se N ig ra s of y o urs ? " "E xactly w ho a re y o u ta lk in g a b out, H illy ?" I s a y. " Y ou d on't k no w a nyth in g." "I d on't , d o I ? T hat L ouvenia ? O h, I 'v e ta k en c are o f h er. L ou A nne's a ll s e t to g o o n th at o ne." T he curl o n th e to p o f h er h ead b obs a s s h e n o ds.
"A nd y o u te ll th at A ib ile en, th e n ext tim e s h e w ants to w rit e a b out m y d ear fr ie nd E liz a b eth , u h-h uh," sh e s a ys, fla sh in g a c ru d e s m ile . " Y ou r e m em ber E liz a b eth ? S he h ad y o u in h er w ed din g?" My n o str ils fla re . I w ant to h it h er, a t th e s o und o f A ib ile en's n am e.
"L et's ju st s a y A ib ile en o ught to 'v e b een a lit tle b it s m arte r a nd n o t p ut in th e L -sh ap ed c ra ck in p oor Eliz a b eth 's d in in g ta b le ." My h eart s to ps. T he g o ddam n c ra ck . H ow s tu p id c o uld I b e to le t th at s lip ?
"A nd d on't th in k I 'v e fo rg o tte n M in ny J a ck so n. I h ave s o m e big p la ns fo r th at N ig ra ." "C are fu l, H illy ," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth . " D on't g iv e y o urs e lf a w ay n o w ." I s o und s o c o nfid ent, b ut in sid e I 'm tr e m blin g, w ond erin g w hat th ese p la ns a re .
Her e yes fly o pen. " T hat w as n o t m e W HO A TE T H AT P IE !" She tu rn s a nd m arc hes to h er c ar. S he je rk s th e d oor o pen. " Y ou te ll th o se N ig ra s th ey b ette r k eep one e ye o ver th eir s h o uld ers . T hey b ette r w atc h o ut fo r w hat's c o m in g to th em ." MY H and S H AK ES a s I d ia l A ib ile en's n um ber. I ta k e th e r e ceiv er in th e p antr y a nd s h ut th e d oor.
The o pened le tte r fr o m H arp er & R ow is in m y o th er h and . I t fe els lik e m id nig ht, b ut it 's o nly e ig ht th ir ty .
Aib ile en a nsw ers a nd I b lu rt it o ut. " H illy c am e h ere to nig ht a nd s h e know s.
" "M is s H illy ? K no w s w hat? " Then I h ear M in ny's v o ic e in th e b ack gro und . " H illy ? W hat a b out M is s H illy ?" "M in ny's . . . h ere w it h m e," A ib ile en s a ys.
"W ell, I g uess s h e n eed s to h ear th is to o," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I w is h A ib ile en c o uld te ll h er la te r, wit h o ut m e. A s I d esc rib e h o w H illy s h o w ed u p h ere , s to rm ed in to th e h o use , I w ait w hile s h e re p eats e very th in g b ack to M in ny. I t is w ors e h earin g it in A ib ile en's v o ic e.
Aib ile en c o m es b ack o nto th e p ho ne a nd s ig hs.
"It w as th e c ra ck in E liz a b eth 's d in in g r o om ta b le . . . th at's h o w H illy k new fo r s u re ." "L aw , th at cra ck .
I c an't b elie ve I p ut th at in ." "N o, I s h o uld 'v e c aught it . I 'm s o s o rry , A ib ile en." "Y ou th in k M is s H illy g o ne te ll M is s L eefo lt I w ro te a b out h er? " "S he c an't te ll h er," M in ny h o lle rs . " T hen s h e a d m it tin g it 's J a ck so n." I r e aliz e h o w g o od M in ny's p la n w as. " I a gre e," I s a y. " I th in k H illy 's te rrif ie d , A ib ile en. S he d oesn 't kno w what to d o. S he s a id s h e w as g o in g to te ll m y moth er o n m e." Now th at th e s h o ck o f H illy 's w ord s h as p asse d , I a lm ost la ugh a t th is th o ught. T hat's th e le ast o f o ur worrie s. I f m y m oth er liv ed th ro ugh m y b ro ken e ngagem ent, th en s h e c an liv e th ro ugh th is . I 'll ju st deal w it h it w hen it h ap pens.
"I r e ck on th ey's n o th in g w e c an d o b ut w ait , th en," A ib ile en s a ys, b ut s h e s o und s n erv o us. I t's pro bab ly n o t th e b est tim e to te ll h er m y o th er n ew s, b ut I d on't th in k I c an k eep m yse lf fr o m it .
"I g o t a . . . le tte r to day. F ro m H arp er a nd R ow ," I s a y. " I th o ught it w as fr o m M is su s S te in , b ut it wasn 't ." "W hat th en?" "It's a jo b o ffe r a t Harp er's M agazin e in N ew Y ork . A s a . . . c o py e d it o r's a ssis ta nt. I 'm p re tty su re M is su s S te in g o t it fo r m e." "T hat's s o g o od!" A ib ile en s a ys, a nd th en, " M in ny, M is s S keete r g o t a jo b o ffe r in N ew Y ork C it y !" "A ib ile en, I c an't ta k e it . I ju st w ante d to s h are it w it h y o u. I . . ." I 'm g ra te fu l to a t le ast h ave Aib ile en to te ll.
"W hat y o u m ean, y o u c an't ta k e it ? T his w hat y o u b een d re am in g o f." "I c an't le ave n o w , r ig ht w hen th in gs a re g ettin g b ad . I 'm n o t g o in g to le ave y o u in th is m ess." "B ut . . . th em b ad th in gs g o ne h ap pen w heth er y o u h ere o r n o t." God, to h ear h er s a y th at, I w ant to c ry . I le t o ut a g ro an.
"I d id n't m ean it lik e th at. W e d on't k no w w hat's g o ne h ap pen. M is s S keete r, y o u g o t to ta k e th at jo b." I tr u ly d on't k no w w hat to d o. P art o f m e th in k s I s h o uld n't h ave e ven to ld A ib ile en, o f c o urs e s h e would te ll m e to g o , b ut I h ad to te ll s o m eo ne. I h ear h er w his p er to M in ny, " S he s a y s h e a in 't g o ne ta k e it ." "M is s S keete r," A ib ile en s a ys b ack o n th e p ho ne, " I d on't m ean to b e r u b bin g n o s a lt o n y o ur w ound but . . . y o u a in 't g o t a g o od lif e h ere in J a ck so n. Y our m am a's b ette r a nd --" I h ear m uffle d w ord s a nd h and lin g o f th e r e ceiv er a nd s u d denly it 's M in ny o n th e p ho ne. " Y ou lis te n to m e, M is s S keete r. I 'm o n ta k e c are a A ib ile en a nd s h e g o ne ta k e c are a m e. B ut y o u g o t n o th in g le ft h ere b ut e nem ie s in th e J u nio r L eague a nd a m am a th at's g o ne d riv e y o u to d rin k . Y ou d one burn ed e ver b rid ge th ere is . A nd y o u a in 't nev er g o ne g et a no th er b oyfr ie nd in th is to w n a nd everb ody k no w it . S o d on't w alk y o ur w hit e b utt to N ew Y ork , ru n it ." Min ny h angs th e p ho ne u p in m y fa ce, a nd I s it s ta rin g a t th e d ead r e ceiv er in o ne h and a nd th e le tte r in th e o th er.
Rea lly ?
I th in k , a ctu ally c o nsid erin g it fo r th e fir s t tim e.
Can I r e a lly d o t h is ?
Min ny is r ig ht, a nd A ib ile en is to o. I h ave n o th in g le ft h ere e xcep t M oth er a nd D ad dy a nd s ta yin g here fo r m y p are nts w ill s u re ly r u in th e r e la tio nsh ip w e h ave, b ut . . .
I le an a gain st th e s h elv es, c lo se m y e yes. I 'm g o in g. I a m g o in g to N ew Y ork .
AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 3 4 M IS S L EEFO LT 'S s ilv er s e rv ic e g o t fu nny s p ots o n it to day. M ust b e c ause th e h um id it y 's s o h ig h. I g o a ro und th e b rid ge c lu b ta b le , p olis h in g e ach p ie ce a gain , m ak in g s u re th ey a ll s till th ere . L i'l M an, h e's s ta rte d s w ip in g th in gs, s p oons a nd n ic k els a nd h air p in s. H e s tic k e m in h is d ia p er to h id e.
S om etim es, c hangin g d ia p ers c an b e lik e o penin g tr e asu re .
T he p ho ne r in g s o I g o in th e k it c hen a nd a nsw er it .
" G ot a lit tle b it a n ew s to day," M in ny s a y o n th e p ho ne.
" W hat y o u h ear? " " M is s R enfr o s a y s h e know it w as M is s H illy w ho a te th at p ie ." M in ny c ack le b ut m y h eart g o te n t im es fa ste r.
" L aw , M is s H illy g o ne b e h ere in fiv e m in ute s. S he b ette r p ut th at fir e o ut fa st." I t fe el c ra zy th at w e r o otin g fo r h er. I t's c o nfu sin g in m y m in d .
" I c all o ne-a rm E rn est- -" b ut th en M in ny s h uts u p . M is s C elia m ust a w alk ed in .
" A lr ig ht, s h e g o ne. I c all o ne-a rm E rn estin e a nd s h e s a y M is s H illy b een s c re am in g in th e p ho ne a ll d ay. A nd M is s C la ra , s h e k no w a b out F anny A mos." " S he fir e h er? " M is s C la ra p ut F anny A mos's b oy th ro ugh c o lle ge, o ne a th e g o od s to rie s.
" N uh-u h. J u st s a t th ere w it h h er m outh o pen a nd th e b ook in h er h and ." " T hank th e L ord . C all m e if y o u h ear m ore ," I s a y. " D on't w orry b out M is s L eefo lt a nsw erin g. T ell h er it 's a b out m y s ic k s is te r." A nd L ord , d on't Y ou g o g ettin g m e fo r th at lie . L ast th in g I n eed is a s is te r g ettin g s ic k .
A fe w m in ute s a fte r w e h ang u p , th e d oorb ell r in g a nd I p re te nd I d on't e ven h ear. I 'm s o n erv o us to s e e M is s H illy 's fa ce a fte r w hat s h e s a id to M is s S keete r. I c an't b elie ve I p ut in th at L -sh ap ed c ra ck . I g o o ut to m y b ath ro om a nd ju st s e t, th in k in g a b out w hat's g o ne h ap pen if I h ave to le ave M ae M oble y. L ord , I p ra y, if I h ave to le ave h er, g iv e h er s o m eb ody g o od. D on't le ave h er w it h ju st M is s T aylo r te llin g h er b la ck is d ir ty a nd h er G ra nm am a p in chin g th e th ank -y o us o ut a h er a nd c o ld M is s L eefo lt . T he d oorb ell in th e h o use r in g a gain , b ut I s ta y p ut. I 'm o n d o it to m orro w , I s a y to m yse lf . J u st in c ase , I 'm o n te ll M ae M oble y g o odbye.
W HEN I C O M E b ack in , I h ear a ll th e la d ie s a t th e ta b le ta lk in g. M is s H illy 's v o ic e is lo ud . I h o ld m y e ar to th e k it c hen d oor, d re ad in g g o in g o ut th ere .
" - -is not J a ck so n. T his b ook is g arb age, is w hat it is . I 'll b et th e w ho le th in g w as m ad e u p b y s o m e Nig ra --" I h ear a c hair s c ra p e a nd I k no w M is s L eefo lt a b out to c o m e h untin g fo r m e. I c an't p ut it o ff n o more .
I o pen th e d oor w it h th e ic e te a p it c her in m y h and . R ound th e ta b le I g o , k eep in g m y e yes to m y sh o es.
"I h eard th at B etty c hara cte r m ig ht b e C harle ne," M is s J e anie s a y w it h b ig e yes. N ext to h er, M is s Lou A nne's s ta rin g o ff lik e s h e d on't c are o ne w ay o r th e o th er. I w is h I c o uld p at h er s h o uld er. I wis h I c o uld te ll h er h o w g la d I a m s h e's L ouvenia 's w hit e la d y, w it h o ut g iv in g n o th in g a w ay, b ut I kno w I c an't . A nd I c an't te ll n o th in g o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st fr o w nin g lik e u su al. B ut M is s Hilly 's fa ce, it 's p urp le a s a p lu m .
"A nd th e m aid in C hap te r F our? " M is s J e anie g o in g o n. " I h eard S is sy T uck er s a yin g--" "T he b ook is not a bout J a ck so n!
" M is s H illy k in d a s c re am a nd I ju m p w hile I 'm p ourin g. A d ro p a te a a ccid enta lly p lo ps o n M is s H illy 's e m pty p la te . S he lo ok u p a t m e a nd lik e a m agnet, m y e yes pull to h ers .
Low a nd c o ol, s h e s a y, " Y ou s p ille d s o m e, A ib ile en." "I'm s o rry , I - -" "W ip e it u p ." Shak in g, I w ip e it w it h th e c lo th I h ad o n th e h and le a th e p it c her.
She s ta rin g a t m y fa ce. I h ave to lo ok d ow n. I c an fe el th e h o t s e cre t b etw een u s. " G et m e a n ew pla te . O ne y o u h aven't s o ile d w it h y o ur d ir ty c lo th ." I g et h er a n ew p la te . S he s tu d y it , s n if f r e al lo ud . T hen s h e tu rn to M is s L eefo lt a nd s a y, " Y ou c an't even te a ch th ese p eo ple h o w to b e c le an." I H AV E T O S IT L ATE th at n ig ht fo r M is s L eefo lt . W hile M ae M oble y s le ep in g, I p ull o ut m y pra yer b ook, g et s ta rte d o n m y lis t. I 'm s o g la d fo r M is s S keete r. S he c all m e th is m orn in g a nd s a y sh e to ok th e jo b. S he m ovin g to N ew Y ork in a w eek ! B ut L aw , I c an't s to p ju m pin g e ver tim e I hear a n o is e , th in k in g m ayb e M is s L eefo lt g o ne w alk in th e d oor a nd s a y s h e k no w th e tr u th . B y th e tim e I g et h o m e, I 'm to o ju m py to g o to b ed . I w alk th ro ugh th e p it c h-b la ck d ark to M in ny's b ack door. S he s e ttin g a t h er ta b le r e ad in g th e p ap er. T his is th e o nly p art a h er d ay w hen s h e a in 't r u nnin g aro und to c le an s o m eth in g o r fe ed s o m eth in g o r m ak e s o m eb ody d o r ig ht. T he h o use b e s o q uie t I fig ure s o m eth in g w ro ng.
"W here e verb ody?" She s h ru g, " G one to b ed o r g o ne to w ork ." I p ull o ut a c hair a nd s e t d ow n. " I ju st w ant a k no w w hat's g o ne h ap pen," I s a y. " I k no w I o ught a be th ank fu l it a in 't a ll b lo w ed u p in m y fa ce y et, b ut th is w ait in g's d riv in g m e c ra zy." "It's g o ne h ap pen. S oon e no ugh," M in ny s a y, lik e w e ta lk in g a b out th e k in d a c o ffe e w e d rin k .
"M in ny, h o w c an y o u b e s o c alm ?" She lo oks a t m e, p uts h er h and o n h er tu m my th at's p opped o ut in th e la st tw o w eek s. " Y ou k no w Mis s C ho ta rd , w ho W illie M ae w ait o n? S he a sk W illie M ae y este rd ay if s h e tr e ats h er b ad a s th at aw fu l la d y in th e b ook." M in ny k in d a s n o rt. " W illie M ae te ll h er s h e g o t s o m e r o om to g ro w b ut s h e ain 't to o b ad ." "S he r e ally a sk h er th at? " "T hen W illie M ae te ll h er w hat a ll th e o th er w hit e la d ie s d one to h er, th e g o od a nd th e b ad , a nd th at whit e la d y lis te n to h er. W illie M ay s a y s h e b een th ere th ir ty -se ven y ears a nd it 's th e fir s t tim e th ey ever s a t a t th e s a m e ta b le to geth er." Besid es L ouvenia , th is th e fir s t g o od th in g w e h eard . I tr y to e njo y it . B ut I s n ap b ack to n o w . " W hat ab out M is s H illy ? W hat a b out w hat M is s S keete r s a y? M in ny, a in 't y o u a t le ast a lit tle n erv o us? " Min ny p ut h er n ew sp ap er d ow n. " L ook, A ib ile en, I a in 't g o ne lie . I 'm s c are d L ero y g o ne k ill m e if h e fin d o ut. I 'm s c are d M is s H illy g o ne s e t m y h o use o n fir e . B ut," s h e s h ak e h er h ead , " I c an't e xp la in it . I g o t th is fe elin g. T hat m ayb e th in gs is h ap penin g ju st h o w th ey s h o uld ." "R eally ?" Min ny k in d a la ugh. " L ord , I 'm s ta rtin g to s o und lik e y o u, a in 't I ? M ust b e g ettin g o ld ." I p oke h er w it h m y fo ot. B ut I tr y to u nd ers ta nd w here M in ny's c o m in g fr o m . W e d one s o m eth in g bra ve a nd g o od h ere . A nd M in ny, m ayb e s h e d on't w ant a b e d ep riv ed a a ny a th e th in gs th at g o alo ng w it h b ein g b ra ve a nd g o od. E ven th e b ad . B ut I c an't p ic k u p o n th e c alm s h e fe elin g.
Min ny lo oks b ack d ow n a t h er p ap er b ut a fte r a lit tle w hile , I c an te ll s h e a in 't r e ad in g. S he ju st sta rin g a t th e w ord s, th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g e ls e . S om eb ody's c ar d oor s la m n ext d oor a nd s h e ju m p. A nd I s e e it th en, th e w orry s h e's tr y in g to h id e. B ut w hy? I w ond er. W hy s h e h id in g th at fr o m me?
The m ore I lo ok, th e m ore I s ta rt to u nd ers ta nd w hat's g o in g o n h ere , w hat M in ny's d one. I d on't kno w w hy I 'm ju st n o w g ettin g th is . M in ny m ad e u s p ut th e p ie s to ry in to p ro te ct u s. N ot to p ro te ct hers e lf , b ut to p ro te ct m e a nd th e o th er m aid s. S he k new it w ould o nly m ak e it w ors e fo r h ers e lf wit h H illy . B ut s h e d id it a nyw ay, fo r e verb ody e ls e . S he d on't w ant a nyb ody to s e e h o w s c are d s h e is .
I r e ach o ver a nd s q ueeze h er h and . " Y ou a b eautif u l p ers o n, M in ny." She r o ll h er e yes a nd s tic k h er to ngue o ut lik e I h and ed h er a p la te a d og b is c uit s . " I k new y o u w as gettin g s e nile ," s h e s a y.
We b oth c huck le . I t's la te a nd w e s o tir e d , b ut s h e g et u p a nd r e fill h er c o ffe e a nd fix m e a c up a te a and I d rin k it s lo w . W e ta lk la te in to th e n ig ht.
TH E N EX T D AY, S ATU RD AY, w e a ll in th e h o use , th e w ho le L eefo lt fa m ily p lu s m e. E ven M is te r Leefo lt h o m e to day. M y b ook a in 't s e ttin g o n th e b ed sid e ta b le n o m ore . F or a w hile , I d on't k no w where s h e p ut it . T hen I s e e M is s L eefo lt 's p ock etb ook o n th e s o fa , a nd s h e g o t it tu ck ed in sid e.
Means s h e c arrie d it w it h h er s o m ew here . I p eek o ver a nd s e e th e b ookm ark 's g o ne.
I w ant to lo ok in h er e yes a nd s e e w hat s h e k no w , b ut M is s L eefo lt s ta y in th e k it c hen m ost a th e day tr y in g to m ak e a c ak e. W on't le t m e in th ere to h elp . S ay it 's n o t lik e o ne a m y c ak es, it 's a fa ncy re cip e s h e g o t o ut th e Gourm et m agazin e. S he h o stin g a lu ncheo n to m orro w fo r h er c hurc h a nd th e din in g r o om 's s ta ck ed u p w it h p arty s e rv in g s tu ff. S he d one b orro w ed th re e c hafin g d is h es fr o m Mis s L ou A nne a nd e ig ht s e ttin gs a M is s H illy 's s ilv er c ause th ey's fo urte en p eo ple c o m in g a nd G od fo rb id a ny a th em c hurc h fo lk g o t to u se a r e gula r o le m eta l fo rk .
Li'l M an b e in M ae M oble y's b ed ro om p la yin g w it h h er. A nd M is te r L eefo lt p acin g r o und th e h o use .
Tim e to tim e h e s to p in fr o nt a B ab y G ir l's b ed ro om , th en g o to p acin g a gain . P ro bab ly th in k s h e sh o uld b e p la yin g w it h h is k id s w it h it b ein g S atu rd ay, b ut I r e ck on h e d on't k no w h o w .
So th at d on't le ave a w ho le lo t a p la ces fo r m e to g o . I t's o nly tw o o 'c lo ck b ut I a lr e ad y d one cle aned th e h o use d ow n to th e n ub s, p olis h ed th e b ath ro om s, w ash ed th e c lo th es. I ir o ned e verth in g sh o rt a th e w rin k le s o n m y fa ce. B een b anned fr o m th e k it c hen a nd I d on't lik e M is te r L eefo lt th in k in g a ll I d o is s e t a ro und p la yin g w it h th e k id s. F in ally I ju st s ta rt w and erin g r o und to o.
When M is te r L eefo lt d aw dlin g a ro und th e d in in g r o om , I p eek in a nd s e e M ae M oble y g o t a p ap er in h er h and , te achin g R oss s o m eth in g n ew . S he lo ve to p la y s c ho ol w it h h er lit tle b ro th er.
I g o in th e liv in g r o om , s ta rt d ustin g th e b ooks fo r th e s e co nd tim e. I g uess I a in 't g o ne g et to te ll h er my in -c ase g o odbye to day, w it h th is c ro w d a ro und .
"W e'r e g o nna p la y a g am e," I h ear M ae M oble y c all o ut to h er b ro th er. " N ow y o u s it u p a t th e co unte r c ause y o u'r e a t th e W oolw orf 's a nd y o u'r e c o lo re d . A nd y o u g o t to s ta y th ere n o m atte r what I d o o r y o u g o to ja il. " I g o to h er b ed ro om fa st a s I c an, b ut M is te r L eefo lt 's a lr e ad y th ere , w atc hin g a t th e d oor. I s ta nd behin d h im .
Mis te r L eefo lt c ro ss h is a rm s u p o ver h is w hit e s h ir t. C ock h is h ead to th e s id e. M y h eart's b eatin g a th o usa nd m ile s a h o ur. I a in 't n ever o nce h eard M ae M oble y m entio n o ur s e cre t s to rie s o ut lo ud to anyb ody e xcep t m e. A nd th at's w hen h er m am a a in 't h o m e a nd th ey a in 't n o body b ut th e h o use to hear. B ut s h e s o th ic k in w hat s h e d oin g, s h e d on't k no w h er d ad dy's lis te nin g.
"O kay," M ae M oble y s a y a nd s h e g uid e h is w obbly s e lf u p o n th e c hair . " R oss, y o u g o tta s ta y th ere at th e W oolw orf c o unte r. N o g ettin g u p ." I w ant to s p eak , b ut I c an't g et n o th in g to c o m e o ut m y m outh . M ae M oble y b e tip py-to ein g u p behin d R oss, p our a b ox a c ra yo ns o n h is h ead , a nd th ey c la tte r d ow n. L i'l M an fr o w n, b ut s h e lo ok at h im s te rn , s a y, " Y ou c an't m ove. Y ou g o t to b e b ra ve. A nd n o v io le ts ." T hen s h e s tic k h er to ngue out a t h im a nd s ta rt p in gin g h im w it h b ab y d oll s h o es a nd L i'l M an lo ok a t h er lik e Why a m I p uttin g up w it h t h is n onse n se ?
a nd h e c ra w l o ff th e c hair w it h a w hin e.
"Y ou lo se !" s h e s a ys. " N ow c o m e o n, w e'r e p la yin g B ack -a -th e-B us a nd y o ur n am e is R osa P ark s." "W ho ta ught y o u th o se th in gs, M ae M oble y?" M is te r L eefo lt s a y a nd B ab y G ir l w hip h er h ead aro und w it h e yes lik e s h e s e ed a g ho st.
I fe el m y b ones g o s o ft o n m e. E verth in g s a y g o in th ere . M ak e s u re s h e d on't g et in tr o ub le , b ut I can't b re ath e e no ugh to g o . B ab y G ir l lo ok r ig ht a t m e s ta nd in g b ehin d h er d ad dy, a nd M is te r Leefo lt tu rn a ro und a nd s e e m e, th en tu rn b ack r o und to h er.
Mae M oble y s ta re u p a t h er d ad dy. " I d on't k no w ." S he lo oks o ff a t a b oard g am e la yin g o n th e flo or, lik e s h e m ig ht g et to p la yin g it a gain . I s e en h er d o th at, I k no w w hat s h e th in k in g. S he th in k if sh e g et b usy w it h s o m eth in g e ls e a nd ig no re h im , h e m ig ht ju st g o a w ay.
"M ae M oble y, y o ur d ad dy a sk ed y o u a q uestio n. W here d id y o u le arn a b out th in gs lik e th at? " H e bend d ow n to h er. I c an't s e e h is fa ce, b ut I k no w h e s m ilin g c ause M ae M oble y a ll s h ylik e, a ll B ab y Gir l lo ves h er d ad dy. A nd th en s h e s a y lo ud a nd c le ar:
" Mis s T a ylo r d id .
" Mis te r L eefo lt s tr a ig hte n u p . G oes in to th e k it c hen a nd I 'm fo llo w in g. H e tu rn s M is s L eefo lt a ro und by th e s h o uld ers a nd s a ys: " T om orro w . Y ou g o d ow n to th at s c ho ol a nd p ut M ae M oble y in a dif fe re nt c la ss. N o m ore M is s T aylo r." "W hat? I c an't ju st c hange h er te acher- -" I h o ld m y b re ath , p ra y, Ye s, y o u c a n. P le a se .
"J u st d o it ." A nd lik e m ens d o, M is te r R ale ig h L eefo lt w alk o ut th e d oor w here h e d on't h ave to g iv e no body n o e xp la natio n a b out n o th in g.
All D AY S U N DAY, I c an't s to p th ank in g G od fo r g ettin g B ab y G ir l a w ay fr o m M is s T aylo r.
Thank yo u G od, t h ank y o u G od, t h ank y o u G od r in gs in m y h ead lik e a c hant. O n M ond ay m orn in g, Mis s L eefo lt h ead o ff to M ae M oble y's s c ho ol, a ll d re sse d u p , a nd I h ave to s m ile , k no w in g w hat sh e g o in g o ff to d o.
While M is s L eefo lt 's g o ne, I g et to w ork o n M is s H illy 's s ilv er. M is s L eefo lt 's g o t it la id o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le fr o m th e lu ncheo n y este rd ay. I w ash it a nd s p end th e n ext h o ur p olis h in g it , w ond erin g ho w o ne-a rm E rn estin e d o it . P olis h in g G ra nd B aro que w it h a ll it s lo ops a nd c urls is a tw o-a rm jo b.
When M is s L eefo lt g et b ack , s h e p ut h er p urs e u p o n th e ta b le a nd ts k . " O h, I m eant to r e tu rn th at silv er th is m orn in g b ut I h ad to g o to M ae M oble y's s c ho ol a nd I ju st k no w s h e's g ettin g a c o ld because s h e w as s n eezin g a ll m orn in g lo ng a nd n o w it 's a lm ost te n o 'c lo ck . . ." "M ae M oble y g ettin g s ic k ?" "P ro bab ly ." M is s L eefo lt r o ll h er e yes. " O h, I 'm la te fo r m y h air a p poin tm ent. W hen y o u'r e fin is h ed polis h in g, g o a head a nd w alk th at s ilv er o n o ver to H illy 's fo r m e. I 'll b e b ack a fte r lu nch." When I 'm d one, I w ra p a ll a M is s H illy 's s ilv er u p in th e b lu e c lo th . I g o g et L i'l M an o ut a b ed . H e ju st w oke u p fr o m h is n ap a nd h e b lin k a t m e a nd s m ile .
"C om e o n, L i'l M an, le t's g et y o u a n ew d ia p er." I p ut h im u p o n th e c hangin g ta b le a nd ta k e o ff th e wet o ne a nd L ord a lm ig hty if th ere a in 't th re e tin k er to ys a nd o ne a M is s L eefo lt 's b obby p in s in th ere . T hank th e L ord it w as ju st a w et d ia p er a nd n o t th e o th er.
"B oy," I la ugh, " y o u lik e F ort K no x." H e g rin a nd la ugh. H e p oin t a t th e c rib a nd I g o o ver a nd p oke th ro ugh th e b la nk et a nd s h o n uff, th ere 's a h air r o lle r, a m easu rin g s p oon, a nd a d in ner n ap kin . L aw , we g o ne h ave to d o s o m eth in g a b out th is . B ut n o t n o w . I g o t to g et o ver to M is s H illy 's .
I lo ck L i'l M an in th e s tr o lle r a nd p ush h im d ow n th e s tr e et o ver to M is s H illy 's h o use . I t's h o t a nd su nny a nd q uie t. W e s tr o ll u p h er d riv e a nd E rn estin e o pen th e d oor. S he g o t a s k in ny lit tle b ro w n nub th at p oke o ut th e le ft s le eve. I d on't k no w h er w ell, e xcep t s h e lik e to ta lk a fa ir a m ount. S he g o to th e M eth o dis t c hurc h.
"H ey A ib ile en," s h e s a y.
"H ey E rn estin e, y o u m ust a s e en m e c o m in g." She n o ds a nd lo oks d ow n a t L i'l M an. H e w atc hin g th at n ub lik e h e s c are d it 's g o ne g et h im .
"I c o m e o ut h ere fo re s h e d o," E rn estin e w his p er a nd th en s h e s a y, " I g uess y o u h eard ." "H eard w hat? " Ern estin e lo ok b ehin d h er, th en le an d ow n. " F lo ra L ou's w hit e la d y, M is s H este r? S he g iv e it to Flo ra L ou th is m orn in g." "S he fir e d h er? " F lo ra L ou h ad s o m e b ad s to rie s to te ll. S he a ngry . M is s H este r w ho e verb ody th in k is r e al s w eet, s h e g iv e F lo ra a s p ecia l " h and w ash " to u se e ver m orn in g. E nd s u p it w as s tr a ig ht ble ach. F lo ra s h o w ed m e th e b urn s c ar.
Ern estin e s h ak e h er h ead . " M is s H este r p ull th at b ook o ut a nd s ta rt y ellin g, 'I s th is m e? I s th is m e yo u w ro te a b out? ' a nd F lo ra L ou s a y, 'N o m a'a m , I d id n't w rit e n o b ook. I a in 't e ven fin is h ed th e fif th g ra d e' b ut M is s H este r g o in to a fit y ellin g, 'I d id n't k no w C lo ro x b urn ed th e s k in , I d id n't k no w th e m in im um w age w as a d olla r tw enty -fiv e, if H illy w asn 't te llin g e very b ody it 's n o t J a ck so n I 'd fir e yo u s o q uic k y o ur h ead w ould s p in ,' s o F lo ra L ou s a y, 'Y ou m ean I 'm n o t fir e d ?' a nd M is s H este r sc re am , 'F ir e d ? I c an't fir e y o u o r p eo ple w ill know I 'm C hap te r T en. Y ou'r e s tu ck w ork in g h ere fo r th e r e st o f y o ur lif e .' A nd th en M is s H este r la y h er h ead o n th e ta b le a nd te ll F lo ra L ou to fin is h th e dis h es." "L aw ," I s a y, fe elin g d iz zy. " I h o pe . . . th ey a ll tu rn o ut th at g o od." Back in th e h o use , M is s H illy h o lle rs E rn estin e's n am e. " I w ould n't c o unt o n it ," E rn estin e w his p er. I hand E rn estin e th e h eavy c lo th fu ll a s ilv er. S he r e aches o ut w it h h er g o od h and to ta k e it , a nd I guess o ut a h ab it , h er n ub r e ach o ut to o.
TH AT N IG HT, th ere 's a te rrib le s to rm . T he th und er's b oom in g a nd I 'm a t m y k it c hen ta b le s w eatin g.
I'm s h ak in g, tr y in g to w rit e m y p ra yers . F lo ra L ou g o t lu ck y, b ut w hat's g o ne h ap pen n ext? I t's ju st to o m uch n o t k no w in g a nd w orry in g a nd -- Thunk t h unk t h unk.
S om eb ody k no ck in g o n m y fr o nt d oor.
Who t h at?
I s it u p s tr a ig ht. T he c lo ck o ver th e s to ve s a y e ig ht th ir ty -fiv e. O uts id e, th e r a in is blo w in g h ard . A nyb ody w ho k no w m e g o od w ould u se th e b ack d oor.
I tip to e to th e fr o nt. T hey k no ck a gain , a nd I b out ju m p o ut a m y s h o es.
"W ho --w ho is it ? " I s a y. I c heck th at th e lo ck is o n.
"It's me.
" Law .
I le t o ut a b re ath a nd o pen th e fr o nt d oor. T here 's M is s S keete r, w et a nd s h iv erin g. H er r e d sa tc hel's u nd er h er r a in co at.
"L ord h ave m erc y--" "I c o uld n't m ak e it to th e b ack d oor. T he y ard 's s o th ic k w it h m ud I c o uld n't g et th ro ugh." She b are fo ot a nd h o ld in g h er m ud dy s h o es in h er h and . I c lo se th e d oor q uic k b ehin d h er. " N obody se e y o u, d id th ey?" "Y ou c an't s e e a th in g o ut th ere . I w ould 'v e c alle d b ut th e p ho ne's o ut w it h th e s to rm ." I k no w s o m eth in g m ust a h ap pened , b ut I 'm ju st s o g la d to s e e h er fa ce b efo re s h e le aves fo r N ew York . W e a in 't s e en e ach o th er in p ers o n in s ix m onth s. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug.
"L aw , le t m e s e e y o ur h air ." M is s S keete r p ull b ack h er h o od, s h ak e o ut h er lo ng h air p ast h er sh o uld ers .
"It is b eautif u l, " I s a y a nd I m ean it .
She s m ile lik e s h e e m barra sse d a nd s e t h er s a tc hel o n th e flo or. " M oth er h ate s it ." I la ugh a nd th en ta k e a b ig b re ath , tr y in g to g et r e ad y fo r w hate ver b ad th in g s h e g o t to te ll m e.
"T he s to re s a re a sk in g fo r m ore b ooks, A ib ile en. M is su s S te in c alle d th is a fte rn o on." S he ta k e m y hand s. " T hey'r e g o in g to d o a no th er p rin t r u n. F iv e th ousa nd m ore c o pie s." I ju st lo ok a t h er. " I d id n't . . . I d id n't e ven k no w th ey c o uld d o th at," I s a y a nd I c o ver m y m outh .
Our b ook is s e ttin g in fiv e th o usa nd h o use s, o n th ey b ooksh elv es, n ext to th ey n ig ht ta b le s, b ehin d th ey to ile ts ?
"T here 'll b e m ore m oney c o m in g. A t le ast o ne h und re d d olla rs to e ach o f y o u. A nd w ho k no w s?
Mayb e th ere 'll b e m ore ." I p ut m y h and o n m y h eart. I a in 't s p ent a c ent a th e fir s t s ix ty -o ne d olla rs a nd n o w s h e te llin g m e th ey's m ore ?
"A nd th ere 's s o m eth in g e ls e ." M is s S keete r lo ok d ow n a t th e s a tc hel. " I w ent to th e p ap er o n F rid ay and q uit th e M is s M yrn a jo b." S he ta k es a d eep b re ath . " A nd I to ld M r. G old en, I th in k th e n ext Mis s M yrn a s h o uld b e y o u." "M e? " "I to ld h im y o u'v e b een g iv in g m e th e a nsw ers a ll a lo ng. H e s a id h e'd th in k a b out it a nd to day h e calle d m e a nd s a id y es, a s lo ng a s y o u d on't te ll a nyb ody a nd y o u w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e M is s M yrn a did ." She p ull a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook o ut a h er s a tc hel, h and it to m e. " H e s a id h e'll p ay y o u th e s a m e a s me, te n d olla rs a w eek ." Me? W ork in g fo r th e w hit e n ew sp ap er? I g o to th e s o fa a nd o pen th e n o te b ook, s e e a ll th em le tte rs and a rtic le s fr o m p ast tim es. M is s S keete r s e t b esid e m e.
"T hank y o u, M is s S keete r. F or th is , fo r ev er th in g." She s m ile , ta k e a d eep b re ath lik e s h e fig htin g b ack te ars .
"I c an't b elie ve y o u g o ne b e a N ew Y ork er to m orro w ," I s a y.
"A ctu ally , I 'm g o in g to g o to C hic ago fir s t. O nly fo r o ne n ig ht. I w ant to s e e C onsta ntin e, h er g ra ve." I n o d. " I'm g la d ." "M oth er s h o w ed m e th e o bit u ary . I t's r ig ht o uts id e o f to w n. A nd th en I 'll g o to N ew Y ork th e n ext morn in g." "Y ou te ll C onsta ntin e A ib ile en s a y h ello ." She la ugh. " I'm s o n erv o us. I 'v e n ever b een to C hic ago o r N ew Y ork . I 'v e n ever e ven b een o n a n air p la ne b efo re ." We s e t th ere a s e co nd , lis te nin g to th e s to rm . I th in k a b out th e fir s t tim e M is s S keete r c am e to m y ho use , h o w a w kw ard w e w as. N ow I fe el lik e w e fa m ily .
"A re y o u s c are d , A ib ile en?" s h e a sk s. " O f w hat m ig ht h ap pen?" I tu rn s o s h e c an't s e e m y e yes. " I'm a lr ig ht." "S om etim es, I d on't k no w if th is w as w orth it . I f s o m eth in g h ap pens to y o u . . . h o w a m I g o in g to liv e w it h th at, k no w in g it w as b ecause o f m e?" S he p re sse s h er h and o ver h er e yes, lik e s h e d on't want to s e e w hat's g o ne h ap pen.
I g o to m y b ed ro om a nd b rin g o ut th e p ack age fr o m R evere nd J o hnso n. S he ta k e o ff th e p ap er a nd sta re a t th e b ook, a ll th e n am es s ig ned in it . " I w as g o ne s e nd it to y o u in N ew Y ork , b ut I th in k y o u need to h ave it n o w ." "I d on't . . . u nd ers ta nd ," s h e s a y. " T his is fo r m e?" "Y es m a'a m ." T hen I p ass o n th e R evere nd 's m essa ge, th at s h e is p art o f o ur fa m ily . " Y ou n eed to re m em ber, e ver o ne a th ese s ig natu re s m eans it w as w orth it ." S he r e ad th e th ank -y o us, th e lit tle th in gs th ey w ro te , r u n h er fin gers o ver th e in k . T ears fill u p h er e yes.
"I r e ck on C onsta ntin e w ould a b een r e al p ro ud a y o u." Mis s S keete r s m ile a nd I s e e h o w yo ung s h e is . A fte r a ll w e w rit te n a nd th e h o urs w e s p ent tir e d and w orrie d , I a in 't s e en th e g ir l s h e s till is in a lo ng, lo ng tim e.
"A re y o u s u re it 's a lr ig ht? I f I le ave y o u, w it h e very th in g s o . . ." "G o to N ew Y ork , M is s S keete r. G o fin d y o ur lif e ." She s m ile , b lin k in g b ack th e te ars , a nd s a y, "T hank y o u." TH AT N IG HT I la y in b ed th in k in g. I a m s o h ap py fo r M is s S keete r. S he s ta rtin g h er w ho le lif e over. T ears r u n d ow n m y te m ple s in to m y e ars , th in k in g a b out h er w alk in g d ow n th em b ig c it y avenues I s e en o n te e-v ee w it h h er lo ng h air b ehin d h er. P art a m e w is h es I c o uld h ave a n ew s ta rt to o. T he c le anin g a rtic le , th at's n ew . B ut I 'm n o t y o ung. M y lif e 's a b out d one.
The h ard er I tr y to s le ep , th e m ore I k no w I 'm o n b e u p m ost a th e n ig ht. I t's lik e I c an fe el th e b uzz all o ver to w n, o f p eo ple ta lk in g a b out th e b ook. H ow c an a nyb ody s le ep w it h a ll th em b ees? I th in k ab out F lo ra L ou, h o w if H illy w asn 't te llin g p eo ple th e b ook a in 't J a ck so n, M is s H este r w ould a fir e d her. O h M in ny, I th in k . Y ou d one s o m eth in g s o g o od. Y ou ta k in g c are a e verb ody e xcep t y o urs e lf . I wis h I c o uld p ro te ct y o u.
It s o und s lik e M is s H illy 's b are ly h angin g o n b y a th re ad . E ver d ay a no th er p ers o n s a y th ey k no w it was h er th at a te th at p ie a nd M is s H illy ju st fig ht h ard er. F or th e fir s t tim e in m y lif e , I 'm a ctu ally wond erin g w ho g o ne w in th is fig ht. B efo re n o w , I 'd a lw ays s a y M is s H illy b ut n o w I d on't k no w .
This tim e, M is s H illy ju st m ig ht lo se .
I g et a fe w h o urs s le ep b efo re d aw n. I t's fu nny, b ut I h ard ly fe el tir e d w hen I g et u p a t s ix . I p ut o n my c le an u nif o rm I w ash ed in th e tu b la st n ig ht. I n th e k it c hen, I d rin k a lo ng, c o ol g la ss a w ate r fr o m th e fa ucet. I tu rn o ff th e k it c hen lig ht a nd h ead fo r th e d oor a nd m y p ho ne r in g. L aw , it 's e arly fo r th at.
I p ic k u p a nd I h ear wailin g.
"M in ny? T hat y o u? W hat- -" "T hey fir e d L ero y la st n ig ht! A nd w hen L ero y a sk w hy, h is b oss s a y M is te r W illia m Holb ro ok to ld him to d o it . H olb ro ok to ld h im it 's L ero y's n ig ger wif e th e r e aso n a nd L ero y c o m e h o m e a nd tr y to kill m e w it h h is b are h and s!" M in ny p antin g a nd h eavin g. " H e th ro w th e k id s in th e y ard a nd lo ck m e in th e b ath ro om a nd s a y h e g o ne lig ht th e h o use o n fir e w it h m e lo ck ed in sid e!" Law , it 's happen in g.
I c o ver m y m outh , fe el m yse lf fa llin g d ow n th at b la ck h o le w e d ug fo r ours e lv es. A ll th ese w eek s a h earin g M in ny s o und s o c o nfid ent a nd n o w ...
"T hat wit c h ," M in ny s c re am . " H e g o ne k ill m e c ause a h er!" "W here y o u n o w , M in ny, w here th e k id s? " "T he g as s ta tio n, I r u n h ere in m y b are fe et! T he k id s r u n n ext d oor . . ." S he p antin g a nd h ic cup pin g and g ro w lin g. " O cta via c o m in g to g et u s. S ay s h e g o ne d riv e fa st a s s h e c an." Octa via 's in C anto n, tw enty m in ute s n o rth u p b y M is s C elia . " M in ny, I 'm o n r u n u p th ere n o w --" "N o, d on't h ang u p , p le ase . J u st s ta y o n th e p ho ne w it h m e till s h e g et h ere ." "Is y o u o kay? Y ou h urt? " "I c an't ta k e th is n o m ore , A ib ile en. I c an't d o th is --" S he b re ak d ow n c ry in g in to th e p ho ne.
It's th e fir s t tim e I e ver h eard M in ny s a y th at. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , k no w in g w hat I n eed to d o. T he word s is s o c le ar in m y h ead a nd rig ht n ow is m y o nly c hance fo r h er to r e ally h ear m e, s ta nd in g bare fo ot a nd r o ck b otto m o n th e g as s ta tio n p ho ne. " M in ny, lis te n to m e. Y ou n ever g o ne lo se y o ur jo b w it h M is s C elia . M is te r J o hnny to ld y o u h is se lf . A nd th ey's m ore m oney c o m in g fr o m th e b ook, Mis s S keete r fo und o ut la st n ig ht. M in ny, h ear m e w hen I s a y, Yo u d on't h ave t o g et h it b y L ero y no m ore ." Min ny c ho ke o ut a s o b.
"It's tim e, M in ny. D o y o u h ear m e? Y ou a re fre e.
" Real s lo w , M in ny's c ry in g w in d d ow n. U ntil s h e d ead q uie t. I f I c o uld n't h ear h er b re ath in g, I 'd th in k sh e h ung u p th e p ho ne.
Ple a se , M in ny, I th in k .
Ple a se , t a ke t h is c h ance t o g et o ut.
She ta k e a d eep , s h ak y b re ath . S he s a y, " I h ear w hat y o u s a yin g, A ib ile en." "L et m e c o m e to th e g as s ta tio n a nd w ait w it h y o u. I te ll M is s L eefo lt I b e la te ." "N o," s h e s a y. " M y s is te r . . . b e h ere s o on. W e g o ne s ta y w it h h er to nig ht." "M in ny, is it ju st fo r to nig ht o r . . ." She le t o ut a lo ng b re ath in to th e p ho ne. " N o," s h e s a y. " I c an't . I d one to ok th is lo ng en ough.
" A nd I s ta rt to h ear M in ny J a ck so n c o m e b ack in to h er o w n s e lf a gain . H er v o ic e is s h ak in g, I k no w s h e sc are d , b ut s h e s a y, " G od h elp h im , b ut L ero y d on't k no w what M in ny J a ck so n a b out to b eco m e." My h eart ju m ps. " M in ny, y o u c an't k ill h im . T hen y o u g o ne b e in ja il r ig ht w here M is s H illy w ant yo u." Lord , th at s ile nce is a lo ng, te rrib le o ne.
"I a in 't g o ne k ill h im , A ib ile en. I p ro m is e . W e g o ne g o s ta y w it h O cta via till w e fin d a p la ce a o ur ow n." I le t o ut a b re ath .
"S he h ere ," s h e s a y. " I'll c all y o u to nig ht." WHEN I G ET T O M is s L eefo lt 's , th e h o use is r e al q uie t. I r e ck on L i'l M an s till s le ep in g. M ae Moble y a lr e ad y g o ne to s c ho ol. I p ut m y b ag d ow n in th e la und ry r o om . T he s w in gin g d oor to th e din in g r o om is c lo se d a nd th e k it c hen is a n ic e c o ol s q uare .
I p ut th e c o ffe e o n a nd s a y a p ra yer fo r M in ny. S he c an s ta y o ut a t O cta via 's fo r a w hile . O cta via go t a fa ir - siz e fa rm ho use , fr o m w hat M in ny's to ld m e. M in ny b e c lo se r to h er jo b, b ut it 's fa r fr o m th e k id s' s c ho ols . S till, w hat's im porta nt is , M in ny's a w ay fr o m L ero y. I n ever o nce h eard h er s a y sh e g o ne le ave L ero y, a nd M in ny d on't s a y th in gs tw ic e. W hen s h e d o th in gs, th ey d one th e fir s t tim e.
I fix a b ottle a m ilk fo r L i'l M an a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath . I fe el lik e m y d ay's a lr e ad y d one a nd it 's only e ig ht o 'c lo ck in th e m orn in g. B ut I s till a in 't tir e d . I d on't k no w w hy.
I p ush o pen th e s w in gin g d oor. A nd th ere b e M is s L eefo lt a nd M is s H illy s e ttin g d ow n a t th e d in in g ro om ta b le o n th e s a m e s id e, lo okin g a t m e.
For a s e co nd , I s ta nd th ere , g rip pin g th e b ottle a m ilk . M is s L eefo lt s till g o t h er h air c urle rs in a nd sh e in h er b lu e q uilt e d b ath ro be. B ut M is s H illy 's a ll d re sse d u p in a b lu e p la id p ants u it . T hat n asty re d s o re s till o n th e s id e a h er lip .
"G 'm orn in g," I s a y a nd s ta rt to w alk to th e b ack .
"R oss is s till s le ep in g," M is s H illy s a y. " N o n eed to g o b ack th ere ." I s to p w here I a m a nd lo ok a t M is s L eefo lt , b ut s h e s ta rin g a t th e fu nny L -sh ap ed c ra ck in h er d in in g ro om ta b le .
"A ib ile en," M is s H illy s a ys a nd s h e lic k h er lip s. " W hen y o u r e tu rn ed m y s ilv er y este rd ay, th ere w ere th re e p ie ces m is sin g o ut o f th at fe lt w ra p per. O ne s ilv er fo rk a nd tw o s ilv er s p oons." I s u ck in a b re ath . " L em me--le m me g o lo ok in th e k it c hen, m ayb e I le ft s o m e b ehin d ." I lo ok a t M is s Leefo lt to s e e if th at's w hat s h e w ant m e to d o, b ut s h e k eep h er e yes o n th e c ra ck . A c o ld p ric k le cre ep s u p m y n eck .
"Y ou k no w a s w ell a s I d o th at s ilv er's n o t in th e k it c hen, A ib ile en," M is s H illy s a y.
"M is s L eefo lt , y o u c heck ed in R oss's b ed ? H e b een s n eak in g th in gs a nd s tic k in g e m --" Mis s H illy s c o ff r e al lo ud . " D o y o u h ear h er, E liz a b eth ? S he's tr y in g to b la m e it o n a to ddle r." My m in d 's r a cin g, I 'm tr y in g to r e m em ber if I c o unte d th e s ilv er b efo re I p ut it b ack in th e fe lt . I th in k I d id . I a lw ays d o. L aw , te ll m e s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat I th in k s h e s a yin g-- "M is s L eefo lt , d id y o u a lr e ad y c heck th e k it c hen? O r th e s ilv er c lo se t? M is s L eefo lt ? " But s h e s till w on't lo ok a t m e a nd I d on't k no w w hat to d o. I d on't k no w , y et, h o w b ad th is is .
Mayb e th is a in 't a b out s ilv er, m ayb e th is is r e ally a b out M is s L eefo lt a nd Chapte r T w o . . .
"A ib ile en," M is s H illy s a y, " y o u c an r e tu rn th o se p ie ces to m e b y to day, o r e ls e E liz a b eth is g o in g to pre ss c harg es." Mis s L eefo lt lo ok a t M is s H illy a nd s u ck in a b re ath , lik e s h e s u rp ris e d . A nd I w ond er w ho se id ea th is w ho le th in g is , b oth o f e m o r ju st M is s H illy 's ?
"I a in 't s to le n o s ilv er s e rv ic e, M is s L eefo lt ," I s a y a nd ju st th e w ord s m ak e m e w ant a r u n.
Mis s L eefo lt w his p er, " S he s a ys s h e d oesn 't h ave th em , H illy ." Mis s H illy d on't e ven a ct lik e s h e h eard . S he r a is e h er e yeb ro w s a t m e a nd s a y, " T hen it b eho oves me to in fo rm y o u th at y o u a re fir e d , A ib ile en." M is s H illy s n if f. " I'll b e c allin g th e p olic e. T hey k no w me." "M aa-m aaaa," L i'l M an h o lle r fr o m h is c rib in th e b ack . M is s L eefo lt lo ok b ehin d h er, th en a t H illy , lik e s h e a in 't s u re w hat to d o. I r e ck on s h e ju st n o w th in k in g a b out w hat it 's g o ne b e lik e if s h e d on't have a m aid n o m ore .
"A aai- b eee," L i'l M an c all, s ta rtin g to c ry .
"A ai- b ee," c all a no th er s m all v o ic e a nd I r e aliz e Mae M oble y's h om e.
S he m ust n o t'v e g o ne to sc ho ol to day. I p re ss o n m y c hest.
Lord , p le a se d on't le t h er s e e t h is . D on't le t h er h ea r w hat Mis s H illy s a yin g a bout m e.
D ow n th e h all, th e d oor o pens a nd M ae M oble y w alk s o ut. S he blin k s a t u s a nd c o ughs.
"A ib ee, m y fr o at h urts ." "I- -I b e r ig ht th ere , b ab y." Mae M oble y c o ughs a gain a nd it s o und s b ad , lik e a d og b ark in g, a nd I s ta rt fo r th e h all, b ut M is s Hilly s a y, " A ib ile en, y o u s ta y w here y o u a re , E liz a b eth c an ta k e c are o f h er k id s." Mis s L eefo lt lo ok a t H illy lik e, Do I h ave t o ?
B ut th en s h e g et u p a nd tr u d ge d ow n th e h all. S he ta k e M ae M oble y in to L i'l M an's r o om a nd s h ut th e d oor. I t's ju st tw o o f u s le ft n o w , m e a nd M is s Hilly .
Mis s H illy le an b ack in h er c hair , s a y, " I w on't to le ra te lia rs ." My h ead s w im min g. I w ant to s e t d ow n. " I d id n't s te al n o s ilv er, M is s H illy ." "I'm n o t ta lk in g a b out s ilv er," s h e s a y, le anin g fo rw ard . S he h is sin g in a w his p er s o M is s L eefo lt d on't hear h er. " I'm ta lk in g a b out th o se th in gs y o u w ro te a b out E liz a b eth . S he h as n o id ea C hap te r T w o is ab out h er a nd I a m to o g o od o f a fr ie nd to te ll h er. A nd m ayb e I c an't s e nd y o u to ja il fo r w hat y o u wro te a b out E liz a b eth , b ut I c an s e nd y o u to ja il fo r b ein g a th ie f." I a in 't g o in g to n o p enit e ntia ry .
I a in 't , is a ll I c an th in k .
"A nd y o ur fr ie nd , M in ny? S he's g o t a n ic e s u rp ris e c o m in g to h er. I 'm c allin g J o hnny F oote a nd te llin g h im h e n eed s to fir e h er r ig ht n o w ." The r o om g ettin g b lu rry . I 'm s h ak in g m y h ead a nd m y fis ts is c le nchin g tig hte r.
"I'm p re tty d arn c lo se to J o hnny F oote . H e lis te ns to w hat I - -" "M is s Hilly .
" I s a y it lo ud a nd c le ar. S he s to ps. I b et M is s H illy a in 't b een in te rru p te d in te n y ears .
I s a y, " I k no w s o m eth in g a b out y o u a nd d on't y o u fo rg et th at." She n arro w h er e yes a t m e. B ut s h e d on't s a y n o th in g.
"A nd fr o m w hat I h ear, th ey's a lo t a tim e to w rit e a lo t a le tte rs in ja il. " I 'm tr e m blin g. M y b re ath fe el lik e fir e . " T im e to w rit e to e ver p ers o n in J a ck so n th e tr u th a b out y o u. P le nty a tim e a nd th e p ap er is fr e e." "N obody w ould b elie ve s o m eth in g y o u w ro te , N ig ra ." "I d on't k no w . I b een to ld I 'm a p re tty g o od w rit e r." She fis h h er to ngue o ut a nd to uch th at s o re w it h it . T hen s h e d ro p h er e yes fr o m m in e.
Befo re s h e c an s a y a nyth in g e ls e , th e d oor flie s o pen d ow n th e h all. M ae M oble y r u ns o ut in h er nig htie a nd s h e s to p in fr o nt a m e. S he h ic cup pin g a nd c ry in g a nd h er lit tle n o se is r e d a s a r o se . H er mam a m ust a to ld h er I 'm le avin g.
God, I p ra y, te ll m e s h e d id n't r e p ea t M is s H illy 's lie s.
Bab y G ir l g ra b th e s k ir t a m y u nif o rm a nd d on't le t g o . I to uch m y h and to h er fo re head a nd s h e burn in g w it h fe ver.
"B ab y, y o u n eed to g et b ack in th e b ed ." "N oooo," s h e b aw ls . " D on't g o oo, A ib ee." Mis s L eefo lt c o m e o ut a th e b ed ro om , fr o w nin g, h o ld in g L i'l M an.
"A ib ee!" h e c all o ut, g rin nin g.
"H ey . . . L i'l M an," I w his p er. I 'm s o g la d h e d on't u nd ers ta nd w hat's g o in g o n. " M is s L eefo lt , le m me ta k e h er in th e k it c hen a nd g iv e h er s o m e m ed ic in e. H er fe ver is r e al h ig h." Mis s L eefo lt g la nce a t M is s H illy , b ut s h e ju st s e ttin g th ere w it h h er a rm s c ro sse d . " A lr ig ht, g o o n," Mis s L eefo lt s a y.
I ta k e B ab y G ir l's h o t lit tle h and a nd le ad h er in to th e k it c hen. S he b ark o ut th at s c ary c o ugh a gain and I g et th e b ab y a sp ir in a nd th e c o ugh s y ru p . J u st b ein g in h ere w it h m e, s h e c alm ed d ow n s o m e, but te ars is s till r u nnin g d ow n h er fa ce.
I p ut h er u p o n th e c o unte r a nd c ru sh u p a lit tle p in k p ill, m ix it w it h s o m e a p ple sa uce a nd fe ed h er th e s p oonfu l. S he s w allo w it d ow n a nd I k no w it h urts h er. I s m ooth h er h air b ack . T hat c lu m p a bangs s h e c ut o ff w it h h er c o nstr u ctio n s c is so rs is g ro w in g b ack s tic k in g s tr a ig ht o ut. M is s L eefo lt can't h ard ly lo ok a t h er la te ly .
"P le ase d on't le ave, A ib ee," s h e s a y, s ta rtin g to c ry a gain .
"I g o t to , b ab y. I a m s o s o rry ." A nd th at's w hen I s ta rt to c ry . I d on't w ant to , it 's ju st g o ne m ak e it wors e fo r h er, b ut I c an't s to p.
"W hy? W hy d on't y o u w ant to s e e m e a nym ore ? A re y o u g o in g to ta k e c are o f a no th er lit tle g ir l? " Her fo re head is a ll w rin k le d u p , ju st lik e w hen h er m am a fu ss a t h er. L aw , I fe el lik e m y h eart's g o ne ble ed to d eath .
I ta k e h er fa ce in m y h and s, fe elin g th e s c ary h eat c o m in g o ff h er c heek s. " N o, b ab y, th at's n o t th e re aso n. I d on't w ant a le ave y o u, b ut . . ." H ow d o I p ut th is ? I c an't te ll h er I 'm fir e d , I d on't w ant her to b la m e h er m am a a nd m ak e it w ors e b etw een e m . " It's tim e fo r m e to r e tir e . Y ou m y la st lit tle gir l, " I s a y, b ecause th is is th e tr u th , it ju st a in 't b y m y o w n c ho osin g.
I le t h er c ry a m in ute o n m y c hest a nd th en I ta k e h er fa ce in to m y h and s a gain . I ta k e a d eep b re ath and I te ll h er to d o th e s a m e.
"B ab y G ir l, " I s a y. " I n eed y o u to r e m em ber e verth in g I to ld y o u. D o y o u r e m em ber w hat I to ld yo u?" She s till c ry in g s te ad y, b ut th e h ic cup s is g o ne. " T o w ip e m y b otto m g o od w hen I 'm d one?" "N o, b ab y, th e o th er. A bout w hat y o u a re ." I lo ok d eep in to h er r ic h b ro w n e yes a nd s h e lo ok in to m in e. L aw , s h e g o t o ld -so ul e yes, lik e s h e done liv ed a th o usa nd y ears . A nd I s w ear I s e e, d ow n in sid e, th e w om an s h e g o ne g ro w u p to b e. A fla sh fr o m th e fu tu re . S he is ta ll a nd s tr a ig ht. S he is p ro ud . S he g o t a b ette r h air c ut. A nd s h e is re m em berin g th e w ord s I p ut in h er h ead . R em em berin g a s a fu ll- g ro w n w om an.
And th en s h e s a y it , ju st lik e I n eed h er to . " Y ou is k in d ," s h e s a y, " y o u is s m art. Y ou is im porta nt." "O h Law .
" I h ug h er h o t lit tle b ody to m e. I fe el lik e s h e d one ju st g iv en m e a g if t. " T hank y o u, B ab y Gir l. " "Y ou'r e w elc o m e," s h e s a y, lik e I ta ught h er to . B ut th en s h e la y h er h ead o n m y s h o uld er a nd w e c ry lik e th at a w hile , u ntil M is s L eefo lt c o m e in to th e k it c hen.
"A ib ile en," M is s L eefo lt s a y r e al q uie t.
"M is s L eefo lt , a re y o u . . . s u re th is w hat y o u . . ." M is s H illy w alk in b ehin d h er a nd g la re a t m e.
Mis s L eefo lt n o ds, lo okin g r e al g uilt y .
"I'm s o rry , A ib ile en. H illy , if y o u w ant to . . . p re ss c harg es, th at's u p to y o u." Mis s H illy s n if f a t m e a nd s a y, " It's n o t w orth m y tim e." Mis s L eefo lt s ig h lik e s h e r e lie ved . F or a s e co nd , o ur e yes m eet a nd I c an s e e th at M is s H illy w as rig ht. M is s L eefo lt a in 't g o t n o id ea C hap te r T w o is h er. E ven if s h e h ad a h in t o f it , s h e'd n ever a d m it to h ers e lf th at w as h er.
I p ush b ack o n M ae M oble y r e al g entle a nd s h e lo oks a t m e, th en o ver a t h er m am a th ro ugh h er sle ep y, fe ver e yes. S he lo ok lik e s h e's d re ad in g th e n ext fif te en y ears a h er lif e , b ut s h e s ig hs, lik e s h e is ju st to o tir e d to th in k a b out it . I p ut h er d ow n o n h er fe et, g iv e h er a k is s o n th e fo re head , b ut th en sh e r e aches o ut to m e a gain . I h ave to b ack a w ay.
I g o in th e la und ry r o om , g et m y c o at a nd m y p ock etb ook.
I w alk o ut th e b ack d oor, to th e te rrib le s o und a M ae M oble y c ry in g a gain . I s ta rt d ow n th e driv ew ay, c ry in g to o, k no w in g h o w m uch I 'm o n m is s M ae M oble y, p ra yin g h er m am a c an s h o w h er more lo ve. B ut a t th e s a m e tim e fe elin g, in a w ay, th at I 'm fr e e, lik e M in ny. F re er th an M is s L eefo lt , who s o lo ck ed u p in h er o w n h ead s h e d on't e ven r e co gniz e h ers e lf w hen s h e r e ad it . A nd fr e er th an Mis s H illy . T hat w om an g o ne s p end th e r e st a h er lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple s h e d id n't e at th at pie . I th in k a b out Y ule M ay s e ttin g in ja il. C ause M is s H illy , s h e in h er o w n ja il, b ut w it h a lif e lo ng te rm .
I h ead d ow n th e h o t s id ew alk a t e ig ht th ir ty in th e m orn in g w ond erin g w hat I 'm o n d o w it h th e r e st a my d ay. T he r e st a m y lif e . I a m s h ak in g a nd c ry in g a nd a w hit e la d y w alk b y fr o w nin g a t m e. T he pap er g o ne p ay m e te n d olla rs a w eek , a nd th ere 's th e b ook m oney p lu s a lit tle m ore c o m in g. S till, it ain 't e no ugh fo r m e to liv e th e r e st a m y lif e o n. I a in 't g o ne b e a b le to g et n o o th er jo b a s a m aid , n o t wit h M is s L eefo lt a nd M is s H illy c allin g m e a th ie f. M ae M oble y w as m y la st w hit e b ab y. A nd h ere I ju st b ought th is n ew u nif o rm .
The s u n is b rig ht b ut m y e yes is w id e o pen. I s ta nd a t th e b us s to p lik e I b een d oin g fo r fo rty -o dd years . I n th ir ty m in ute s, m y w ho le lif e 's . . . d one. M ayb e I o ught to k eep w rit in g, n o t ju st fo r th e pap er, b ut s o m eth in g e ls e , a b out a ll th e p eo ple I k no w a nd th e th in gs I s e en a nd d one. M ayb e I a in 't to o o ld to s ta rt o ver, I th in k a nd I la ugh a nd c ry a t th e s a m e tim e a t th is . C ause ju st la st n ig ht I th o ught I w as fin is h ed w it h e verth in g n ew .
ACK NOW LED GM EN TS T hank y o u to A my E in ho rn , m y e d it o r, w it h o ut w ho m th e s tic k y-n o te b usin ess w ould n o t b e th e s u ccess it is to day. A my, y o u a re s o w is e . I a m tr u ly lu ck y to h ave w ork ed w it h y o u.
T hank y o u to : m y a gent, S usa n R am er, fo r ta k in g a c hance a nd b ein g s o p atie nt w it h m e; A le xand ra S helle y fo r h er te nacio us e d it in g a nd d ilig ent a d vic e; T he J a ne S tr e et W ork sh o p fo r b ein g s u ch fin e w rit e rs ; R uth S to ck ett, T ate T aylo r, B ru nso n G re en, L aura F oote , O cta via S pencer, N ic o le L ove, a nd J u stin e S to ry fo r r e ad in g a nd la ughin g, e ven a t th e p arts th at w ere n't th at fu nny. T hank y o u to G ra nd ad dy, S am , B arb ara , a nd R obert S to ck ett fo r h elp in g m e r e m em ber th e o ld J a ck so n d ays.
A nd m y d eep est th ank s to K eit h R ogers a nd m y d ear L ila , fo r ev ery th in g .
T hank y o u to e very o ne a t P utn am fo r th eir e nth usia sm a nd h ard w ork . I to ok lib ertie s w it h tim e, u sin g th e s o ng " T he T im es T hey A re A -C hangin ,' " e ven th o ugh it w as n o t r e le ase d u ntil 1 964, a nd S hak e 'n B ak e, w hic h d id n o t h it th e s h elv es u ntil 1 965. T he J im C ro w la w s th at a p pear in th e b ook w ere a b bre via te d a nd ta k en fr o m a ctu al le gis la tio n th at e xis te d , a t v ario us tim es, a cro ss th e S outh .
M any th ank s to D oria n H astin gs a nd E liz a b eth W agner, th e in cre d ib ly d eta ile d c o py e d it o rs , fo r p oin tin g o ut th ese , m y s tu b born d is c re p ancie s, a nd h elp in g m e r e p air m any o th ers .
T hank y o u to S usa n T uck er, a uth o r o f th e b ook Tellin g M em orie s A m ong S outh ern W om en , w ho se b eautif u l o ra l a cco unts o f d om estic s a nd w hit e e m plo yers to ok m e b ack to a tim e a nd p la ce t h at is lo ng g o ne.
F in ally , m y b ela te d th ank s to D em etr ie M cL orn , w ho c arrie d u s a ll o ut o f th e h o sp it a l w ra p ped in o ur b ab y b la nk ets a nd s p ent h er lif e fe ed in g u s, p ic k in g u p a fte r u s, lo vin g u s, a nd , th ank G od, f o rg iv in g u s.
TO O L IT TLE, T O O L ATE Kath ry n S to ck ett, in h er o w n w ord s O ur fa m ily m aid , D em etr ie , u se d to s a y p ic k in g c o tto n in M is sis sip pi in th e d ead o f s u m mer is a b out t h e w ors t p astim e th ere is , if y o u d on't c o unt p ic k in g o kra , a no th er p ric k ly , lo w -g ro w in g th in g.
D em etr ie u se d to te ll u s a ll k in d s o f s to rie s a b out p ic k in g c o tto n a s a g ir l. S he'd la ugh a nd s h ak e h er f in ger a t u s, w arn in g u s a gain st it , a s if a b unch o f r ic h w hit e k id s m ig ht fa ll to th e e vils o f c o tto n- p ic k in g, lik e c ig are tte s o r h ard liq uo r.
" F or d ays I p ic k ed a nd p ic k ed . A nd th en I lo oked d ow n a nd m y s k in h ad b ub ble d u p . I s h o w ed m y m am a. N one a u s e ver s e en s u nb urn o n a b la ck p ers o n b efo re . T hat w as fo r w hit e p eo ple !" I w as to o y o ung to r e aliz e th at w hat s h e w as te llin g u s w asn 't v ery fu nny. D em etr ie w as b orn in L am pkin , M is sis sip pi, in 1 927. I t w as a h o rrif y in g y ear to b e b orn , ju st b efo re th e D ep re ssio n s e t in .
R ig ht o n tim e fo r a c hild to a p pre cia te , in fin e d eta il, w hat it fe lt lik e to b e p oor, c o lo re d , a nd fe m ale o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm .
D em etr ie c am e to c o ok a nd c le an fo r m y fa m ily w hen s h e w as tw enty -e ig ht. M y fa th er w as f o urte en, m y u ncle s e ven. D em etr ie w as s to ut a nd d ark -sk in ned a nd , b y th en, m arrie d to a m ean, a b usiv e d rin k er n am ed C ly d e. S he w ould n't a nsw er m e w hen I a sk ed q uestio ns a b out h im . B ut b esid es th e s u b je ct o f C ly d e, s h e'd ta lk to u s a ll d ay.
A nd G od, h o w I lo ved to ta lk to D em etr ie . A fte r s c ho ol, I 'd s it in m y g ra nd m oth er's k it c hen w it h h er, lis te nin g to h er s to rie s a nd w atc hin g h er m ix u p c ak es a nd fr y c hic k en. H er c o okin g w as o uts ta nd in g. I t w as s o m eth in g p eo ple d is c usse d a t le ngth a fte r th ey a te a t m y g ra nd m oth er's ta b le .
Y ou fe lt lo ved w hen y o u ta ste d D em etr ie 's c ara m el c ak e.
B ut m y o ld er b ro th er a nd s is te r a nd I w ere n't a llo w ed to b oth er D em etr ie d urin g h er o w n lu nch b re ak . G ra nd m oth er w ould s a y, " L eave h er a lo ne n o w , le t h er e at, th is is h er tim e," a nd I w ould s ta nd in th e k it c hen d oorw ay, it c hin g to g et b ack w it h h er. G ra nd m oth er w ante d D em etr ie to r e st s o s h e c o uld fin is h h er w ork , n o t to m entio n, w hit e p eo ple d id n't s it a t th e ta b le w hile a c o lo re d p ers o n w as e atin g.
T hat w as ju st a n o rm al p art o f lif e , th e r u le s b etw een b la ck s a nd w hit e s. A s a lit tle g ir l, s e ein g b la ck p eo ple in th e c o lo re d p art o f to w n, e ven if th ey w ere d re sse d u p o r d oin g fin e, I r e m em ber p it y in g t h em . I a m s o e m barra sse d to a d m it th at n o w .
I d id n't p it y D em etr ie , th o ugh. T here w ere s e vera l y ears w hen I th o ught s h e w as im mense ly lu ck y to h ave u s. A s e cure jo b in a n ic e h o use , c le anin g u p a fte r w hit e C hris tia n p eo ple . B ut a ls o b ecause D em etr ie h ad n o b ab ie s o f h er o w n, a nd w e fe lt lik e w e w ere fillin g a v o id in h er lif e . I f a nyo ne a sk ed h er h o w m any c hild re n s h e h ad , s h e w ould h o ld u p h er fin gers a nd s a y th re e. S he m eant u s:
m y s is te r, S usa n, m y b ro th er, R ob, a nd m e.
M y s ib lin gs d eny it , b ut I w as c lo se r to D em etr ie th an th e o th er k id s w ere . N obody g o t c ro ss w it h m e if D em etr ie w as n earb y. S he w ould s ta nd m e in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r a nd s a y, " Y ou a re b eautif u l.
Y ou a b eautif u l g ir l, " w hen c le arly I w as n o t. I w ore g la sse s a nd h ad s tr in gy b ro w n h air . I h ad a s tu b born a vers io n to th e b ath tu b . M y m oth er w as o ut o f to w n a lo t. S usa n a nd R ob w ere tir e d o f me h angin g a ro und , a nd I fe lt le ft o ver. D em etr ie k new it a nd to ok m y h and a nd to ld m e I w as fin e.
MY P A REN TS D IV O RC ED w hen I w as s ix . D em etr ie b ecam e e ven m ore im porta nt to m e th en.
When m y m oth er w ent o n o ne o f h er fr e q uent tr ip s, D ad dy p ut u s k id s in th e m ote l h e o w ned a nd bro ught in D em etr ie to s ta y w it h u s. I 'd c ry a nd c ry o n D em etr ie 's s h o uld er, m is sin g m y m oth er s o bad I 'd g et a fe ver fr o m it .
By th en, m y s is te r a nd b ro th er h ad , in a w ay, o utg ro w n D em etr ie . T hey'd s it a ro und th e m ote l penth o use p la yin g p oker, u sin g b ar s tr a w s a s m oney, w it h th e fr o nt d esk s ta ff.
I r e m em ber w atc hin g th em , je alo us b ecause th ey w ere o ld er, a nd th in k in g o ne tim e, I a m n ot a baby a nym ore . I d on't h ave t o t a ke u p w it h D em etr ie w hile t h e o th ers p la y p oker.
So I g o t in th e g am e a nd o f c o urs e lo st a ll m y s tr a w s in a b out fiv e m in ute s. A nd b ack I w ent o nto Dem etr ie 's la p , a ctin g p ut o ut, w atc hin g th e o th ers p la y. Y et a fte r o nly a m in ute , m y fo re head w as again st h er s o ft n eck a nd s h e w as r o ck in g m e lik e w e w ere tw o p eo ple in a b oat.
"T his w here y o u b elo ng. H ere w it h m e," s h e s a id , a nd p atte d m y h o t le g. H er h and s w ere a lw ays co ol. I w atc hed th e o ld er k id s p la y c ard s, n o t c arin g a s m uch th at M oth er w as a w ay a gain . I w as where I b elo nged .
TH E R A SH O F n egativ e a cco unts a b out M is sis sip pi, in th e m ovie s, in th e p ap ers , o n te le vis io n, have m ad e u s n ativ es a w ary , d efe nsiv e b unch. W e a re fu ll o f p rid e a nd s h am e, b ut m ostly p rid e.
Still, I g o t o ut o f th ere . I m oved to N ew Y ork C it y w hen I w as tw enty -fo ur. I le arn ed th at th e fir s t questio n a nyo ne a sk ed a nyb ody, in a to w n s o tr a nsie nt, w as " W here a re y o u fr o m ?" A nd I 'd s a y, "M is sis sip pi. " A nd th en I 'd w ait .
To p eo ple w ho s m ile d a nd s a id , " I'v e h eard it 's b eautif u l d ow n th ere ," I 'd s a y, " M y h o m eto w n is num ber th re e in th e n atio n fo r g ang-re la te d m urd ers ." T o p eo ple w ho s a id , " G od, y o u m ust b e g la d to b e o ut o f th at p la ce," I 'd b ris tle a nd s a y, " W hat d o y o u k no w ? I t's b eautif u l d ow n th ere ." Once, a t a r o of p arty , a d ru nk m an fr o m a r ic h w hit e M etr o N orth - tr a in ty p e o f to w n a sk ed m e where I w as fr o m a nd I to ld h im M is sis sip pi. H e s n eere d a nd s a id , " I a m s o s o rry ." I n aile d d ow n h is fo ot w it h th e s tile tto p ortio n o f m y s h o e a nd s p ent th e n ext te n m in ute s q uie tly ed ucatin g h im o n th e w here -fr o m -a b outs o f W illia m F aulk ner, E ud ora W elt y , T ennesse e W illia m s, Elv is P re sle y, B . B . K in g, O pra h W in fr e y, J im H enso n, F ait h H ill, J a m es E arl J o nes, a nd C ra ig Cla ib orn e, th e fo od e d it o r a nd c rit ic fo r The N ew Y o rk T im es . I in fo rm ed h im th at M is sis sip pi ho ste d th e fir s t lu ng tr a nsp la nt a nd th e fir s t h eart tr a nsp la nt a nd th at th e b asis o f th e U nit e d S ta te s le gal s y ste m w as d evelo ped a t th e U niv ers it y o f M is sis sip pi.
I w as h o m esic k a nd I 'd b een w ait in g fo r s o m eb ody lik e h im .
I w asn 't v ery g ente el o r la d ylik e, a nd th e p oor g uy s q uir m ed a w ay a nd lo oked n erv o us fo r th e r e st of th e p arty . B ut I c o uld n't h elp it .
Mis sis sip pi is lik e m y m oth er. I a m a llo w ed to c o m pla in a b out h er a ll I w ant, b ut G od h elp th e pers o n w ho r a is e s a n ill w ord a b out h er a ro und m e, u nle ss s h e is th eir m oth er to o.
I W RO TE T H E H ELP w hile liv in g in N ew Y ork , w hic h I th in k w as e asie r th an w rit in g it in Mis sis sip pi, s ta rin g in th e fa ce o f it a ll. T he d is ta nce a d ded p ers p ectiv e. I n th e m id dle o f a w hir rin g, fa st c it y , it w as a r e lie f to le t m y th o ughts tu rn s lo w a nd r e m em ber fo r a w hile .
The H elp is fic tio n, b y a nd la rg e. S till, a s I w ro te it , I w ond ere d a n a w fu l lo t w hat m y fa m ily w ould th in k o f it , a nd w hat D em etr ie w ould h ave th o ught to o, e ven th o ugh s h e w as lo ng d ead . I w as sc are d , a lo t o f th e tim e, th at I w as c ro ssin g a te rrib le lin e, w rit in g in th e v o ic e o f a b la ck p ers o n. I was a fr a id I w ould fa il to d esc rib e a r e la tio nsh ip th at w as s o in te nse ly in flu entia l in m y lif e , s o lo vin g, so g ro ssly s te re o ty p ed in A meric an h is to ry a nd lit e ra tu re .
I w as tr u ly g ra te fu l to r e ad H ow ell R ain es's P ulit z e r P riz e -w in nin g a rtic le , " G ra d y's G if t" :
There is n o t r ic k ie r s u bje ct f o r a w rit e r f ro m t h e S outh t h an t h at o f a ffe ctio n b etw een a b la ck perso n a nd a w hit e o ne in t h e u neq ual w orld o f s e g re g atio n. F or t h e d is h onesty u pon w hic h a so cie ty is f o unded m akes e v ery e m otio n s u sp ect, m akes it im possib le t o k now w heth er w hat flo w ed b etw een t w o p eo ple w as h onest f e elin g o r p it y o r p ra gm atis m .
I r e ad th at a nd I th o ught, How d id h e f in d a w ay t o p ut it in to s u ch c o ncis e w ord s?
H ere w as th e sa m e s lip pery is su e I 'd b een s tr u gglin g w it h a nd c o uld n't c atc h in m y h and s, lik e a w et fis h . M r.
Rain es m anaged to n ail it d ow n in a fe w s e nte nces. I w as g la d to h ear I w as in th e c o m pany o f oth ers in m y s tr u ggle .
Lik e m y fe elin gs fo r M is sis sip pi, m y fe elin gs fo r The H elp c o nflic t g re atly . R egard in g th e lin es betw een b la ck a nd w hit e w om en, I a m a fr a id I h ave to ld to o m uch. I w as ta ught n o t to ta lk a b out su ch u nco m fo rta b le th in gs, th at it w as ta ck y, im polit e , th ey m ig ht h ear u s.
I a m a fr a id I h ave to ld to o lit tle . N ot ju st th at lif e w as s o m uch w ors e fo r m any b la ck w om en work in g in th e h o m es in M is sis sip pi, b ut a ls o th at th ere w as s o m uch m ore lo ve b etw een w hit e fa m ilie s a nd b la ck d om estic s th an I h ad th e in k o r th e tim e to p ortr a y.
What I am s u re a b out is th is : I d on't p re su m e to th in k th at I k no w w hat it r e ally fe lt lik e to b e a bla ck w om an in M is sis sip pi, e sp ecia lly in th e 1 960s. I d on't th in k it is s o m eth in g a ny w hit e w om an on th e o th er e nd o f a b la ck w om an's p aycheck c o uld e ver tr u ly u nd ers ta nd . B ut tr y in g to u nd ers ta nd is vit a l to o ur h um anit y . I n The H elp th ere is o ne lin e th at I tr u ly p riz e :
Wasn 't th at th e p oin t o f th e b ook? F or w om en to r e aliz e , We a re j u st t w o p eo ple . N ot t h at m uch se p ara te s u s. N ot n ea rly a s m uch a s I 'd t h ought.
I'm p re tty s u re I c an s a y th at n o o ne in m y fa m ily e ver a sk ed D em etr ie w hat it fe lt lik e to b e b la ck in Mis sis sip pi, w ork in g fo r o ur w hit e fa m ily . I t n ever o ccurre d to u s to a sk . I t w as e very d ay lif e . I t wasn 't s o m eth in g p eo ple fe lt c o m pelle d to e xam in e.
I h ave w is h ed , fo r m any y ears , th at I 'd b een o ld e no ugh a nd th o ughtfu l e no ugh to a sk D em etr ie th at questio n. S he d ie d w hen I w as s ix te en. I 'v e s p ent y ears im agin in g w hat h er a nsw er w ould b e. A nd th at is w hy I w ro te th is b ook.
ABO UT T H E A UTH O R K ath ry n S to ck ett w as b orn a nd r a is e d in J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. A fte r g ra d uatin g fr o m th e U niv ers it y o f A la b am a w it h a d egre e in E nglis h a nd c re ativ e w rit in g, s h e m oved to N ew Y ork C it y , w here s h e w ork ed in m agazin e p ub lis h in g a nd m ark etin g fo r n in e y ears . S he c urre ntly liv es in A tla nta w it h h er h usb and a nd th eir d aughte r. T his is h er fir s t n o vel.
