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The H elp KATH RYN S T O CK ETT Penguin G ro up U SA Table o f C onte nts C opyrig ht P age D ed ic a tio n A IB IL EEN c hap te r 1 - A ugust 1 962 c hap te r 2 M IN NY c hap te r 3 c hap te r 4 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 5 c hap te r 6 A IB IL EEN c hap te r 7 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 8 c hap te r 9 M IN NY c hap te r 1 0 M IS S S K EETER c hap te r 1 1 c hap te r 1 2 c hap te r 1 3 A IB IL EEN chap te r 1 4 chap te r 1 5 chap te r 1 6 MIN NY chap te r 1 7 chap te r 1 8 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 1 9 chap te r 2 0 chap te r 2 1 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 2 chap te r 2 3 MIN NY chap te r 2 4 TH E B EN EFIT chap te r 2 5 MIN NY chap te r 2 6 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 2 7 chap te r 2 8 AIB IL EEN chap te r 2 9 MIN NY chap te r 3 0 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 1 MIN NY chap te r 3 2 MIS S S K EETER chap te r 3 3 AIB IL EEN chap te r 3 4 Ack now le d gem en ts TO O L IT TLE , T O O L ATE ABO U T T H E A U TH OR AM Y E IN HORN B O OKS Pub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Publis h ers S in ce 1 838 Pub lis h ed b y th e P enguin G ro up Penguin G ro up ( U SA ) I n c., 3 75 H ud so n S tr e et, N ew Y ork , N ew Y ork 1 0014, U SA P enguin Gro up ( C anad a), 9 0 E glin to n A venue E ast, S uit e 7 00, T oro nto , O nta rio M 4P 2 Y 3, C anad a ( a d iv is io n o f Pears o n C anad a I n c.) P enguin B ooks L td , 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd P enguin Ire la nd , 2 5 S t S te p hen's G re en, D ub lin 2 , I re la nd ( a d iv is io n o f P enguin B ooks L td ) P enguin Gro up ( A ustr a lia ), 2 50 C am berw ell R oad , C am berw ell, V ic to ria 3 124, A ustr a lia ( a d iv is io n of P ears o n A ustr a lia G ro up P ty L td ) P enguin B ooks I n d ia P vt L td , 1 1 C om munit y C entr e , Panchsh eel P ark , N ew D elh i- 1 1 0 0 17, I n d ia P enguin G ro up ( N Z), 6 7 A pollo D riv e, R ose d ale , North S ho re 0 632, N ew Z eala nd ( a d iv is io n o f P ears o n N ew Z eala nd L td ) P enguin B ooks (S outh A fr ic a) ( P ty ) L td , 2 4 S tu rd ee A venue, R ose b ank , J o hannesb urg 2 196, S outh A fr ic a Penguin B ooks L td , R egis te re d O ffic es: 8 0 S tr a nd , L ond on W C2R 0 R L, E ngla nd Fir s t p ub lis h ed in th e U nit e d S ta te s b y A my E in ho rn B ooks, p ub lis h ed b y G . P . P utn am 's S ons Copyrig ht ( c ) 2 009 b y K ath ry n S to ck ett All r ig hts r e se rv ed . N o p art o f th is b ook m ay b e r e p ro duced , s c anned , o r d is tr ib ute d in a ny prin te d or e le ctr o nic fo rm w it h o ut p erm is sio n. P le ase d o n o t p artic ip ate in o r e nco ura ge p ir a cy o f co pyrig hte d mate ria ls in v io la tio n o f th e a uth o r's r ig hts . P urc hase o nly a uth o riz e d e d it io ns.

Pub lis h ed s im ult a neo usly in C anad a A C IP c ata lo gue r e co rd o f th is b ook is a vaila b le fr o m th e U .S . L ib ra ry o f C ongre ss.

This is a w ork o f fic tio n. N am es, c hara cte rs , p la ces, a nd in cid ents e it h er a re th e p ro duct o f th e auth o r's im agin atio n o r a re u se d fic tit io usly , a nd a ny r e se m bla nce to a ctu al p ers o ns, liv in g o r d ead , busin esse s, c o m panie s, e vents , o r lo cale s is e ntir e ly c o in cid enta l.

While th e a uth o r h as m ad e e very e ffo rt to p ro vid e a ccura te te le p ho ne n um bers a nd I n te rn et ad dre sse s at th e tim e o f p ub lic atio n, n eit h er th e p ub lis h er n o r th e a uth o r a ssu m es a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r e rro rs , or fo r c hanges th at o ccur a fte r p ub lic atio n. F urth er, th e p ub lis h er d oes n o t h ave a ny c o ntr o l o ver and d oes n o t a ssu m e a ny r e sp onsib ilit y fo r a uth o r o r th ir d -p arty w eb sit e s o r th eir c o nte nt.

eIS B N : 9 78-1 -4 40-6 9763-0 http :/ /u s.p enguin gro up .c o m T o G ra nd ad dy S to ck ett, th e b est s to ry te lle r o f a ll AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 August 1 962 M AE M OBLEY w as b orn o n a e arly S und ay m orn in g in A ugust, 1 960. A c hurc h b ab y w e lik e to c all it . T ak in g c are a w hit e b ab ie s, th at's w hat I d o, a lo ng w it h a ll th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. I d one r a is e d s e vente en k id s in m y lif e tim e. I k no w h o w to g et th em b ab ie s to s le ep , s to p c ry in g, a nd g o in th e to ile t b ow l b efo re th ey m am as e ven g et o ut a b ed in th e m orn in g.

B ut I a in 't n ever s e en a b ab y y ell lik e M ae M oble y L eefo lt . F ir s t d ay I w alk in th e d oor, th ere s h e b e, r e d -h o t a nd h o lle rin g w it h th e c o lic , fig htin g th at b ottle lik e it 's a r o tte n tu rn ip . M is s L eefo lt , s h e l o ok te rrif ie d a h er o w n c hild . " W hat a m I d oin g w ro ng? W hy c an't I s to p it ? " I t?

T hat w as m y fir s t h in t: s o m eth in g is w ro ng w it h th is s it u atio n.

S o I to ok th at p in k , s c re am in g b ab y in m y a rm s. B ounced h er o n m y h ip to g et th e g as m ovin g a nd it d id n't ta k e tw o m in ute s fo re B ab y G ir l s to pped h er c ry in g, g o t to s m ilin g u p a t m e lik e s h e d o. B ut M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't p ic k u p h er o w n b ab y fo r th e r e st a th e d ay. I s e en p le nty a w om ens g et th e b ab y b lu es a fte r th ey d one b ir th in g. I r e ck on I th o ught th at's w hat it w as.

H ere 's s o m eth in g a b out M is s L eefo lt : s h e n o t ju st fr o w nin g a ll th e tim e, s h e s k in ny. H er le gs is s o s p in d ly , s h e lo ok lik e s h e d one g ro w ed e m la st w eek . T w enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e la nk y a s a f o urte en-y ear- o ld b oy. E ven h er h air is th in , b ro w n, s e e-th ro ugh. S he tr y to te ase it u p , b ut it o nly m ak e it lo ok th in ner. H er fa ce b e th e s a m e s h ap e a s th at r e d d evil o n th e r e d ho t c and y b ox, p oin ty c hin a nd a ll. F act, h er w ho le b ody b e s o fu ll a s h arp k no bs a nd c o rn ers , it 's n o w ond er s h e c an't s o oth e th at b ab y. B ab ie s lik e fa t. L ik e to b ury th ey fa ce u p in y o u a rm pit a nd g o to s le ep . T hey lik e b ig fa t le gs to o. T hat I k no w .

B y th e tim e s h e a y ear o ld , M ae M oble y fo llo w in g m e a ro und e verw here I g o . F iv e o 'c lo ck w ould c o m e r o und a nd s h e'd b e h angin g o n m y D r. S cho ll s h o e, d ra ggin g o ver th e flo or, c ry in g lik e I w ere n't n ever c o m in g b ack . M is s L eefo lt , s h e'd n arro w u p h er e yes a t m e lik e I d one s o m eth in g w ro ng, u nhit c h th at c ry in g b ab y o ff m y fo ot. I r e ck on th at's th e r is k y o u r u n, le ttin g s o m eb ody e ls e r a is e y o u c hillu ns.

M ae M oble y tw o y ears o ld n o w . S he g o t b ig b ro w n e yes a nd h o ney-c o lo r c urls . B ut th e b ald s p ot i n th e b ack o f h er h air k in d a th ro w th in gs o ff. S he g et th e s a m e w rin k le b etw een h er e yeb ro w s w hen s h e w orrie d , lik e h er m am a. T hey k in d a fa vo r e xcep t M ae M oble y s o fa t. S he a in 't g o ne b e n o b eauty q ueen. I th in k it b oth er M is s L eefo lt , b ut M ae M oble y m y s p ecia l b ab y.

I L O ST M Y O W N B O Y, T re elo re , r ig ht b efo re I s ta rte d w ait in g o n M is s L eefo lt . H e w as tw enty - f o ur y ears o ld . T he b est p art o f a p ers o n's lif e . I t ju st w asn 't e no ugh tim e liv in g in th is w orld .

H e h ad h im a lit tle a p artm ent o ver o n F ole y S tr e et. S eein g a r e al n ic e g ir l n am e F ra nces a nd I s p ec th ey w as g o ne g et m arrie d , b ut h e w as s lo w b out th in gs lik e th at. N ot c ause h e lo okin g fo r so m eth in g b ette r, ju st c ause h e th e th in k in g k in d . W ore b ig g la sse s a nd r e ad in g a ll th e tim e. H e e ven sta rt w rit in g h is o w n b ook, b out b ein g a c o lo re d m an liv in g a nd w ork in g in M is sis sip pi. L aw , th at mad e m e p ro ud . B ut o ne n ig ht h e w ork in g la te a t th e S canlo n-T aylo r m ill, lu ggin g tw o-b y-fo urs to th e tr u ck , s p lin te rs s lic in g a ll th e w ay th ro ugh th e g lo ve. H e to o s m all fo r th at k in d a w ork , to o sk in ny, b ut h e n eed ed th e jo b. H e w as tir e d . I t w as r a in in g. H e s lip o ff th e lo ad in g d ock , fe ll d ow n on th e d riv e. T ra cto r tr a ile r d id n't s e e h im a nd c ru sh ed h is lu ngs fo re h e c o uld m ove. B y th e tim e I fo und o ut, h e w as d ead .

That w as th e d ay m y w ho le w orld w ent b la ck . A ir lo ok b la ck , s u n lo ok b la ck . I la id u p in b ed a nd sta re d a t th e b la ck w alls a m y h o use . M in ny c am e e ver d ay to m ak e s u re I w as s till b re ath in g, fe ed me fo od to k eep m e liv in g. T ook th re e m onth s fo re I e ven lo ok o ut th e w in d ow , s e e if th e w orld s till th ere . I w as s u rp ris e to s e e th e w orld d id n't s to p ju st c ause m y b oy d id .

Fiv e m onth s a fte r th e fu nera l, I lif te d m yse lf u p o ut a b ed . I p ut o n m y w hit e u nif o rm a nd p ut m y lit tle go ld c ro ss b ack a ro und m y n eck a nd I w ent to w ait o n M is s L eefo lt c ause s h e ju st h ave h er b ab y gir l. B ut it w ere n't to o lo ng b efo re I s e en s o m eth in g in m e h ad c hanged . A b it te r s e ed w as p la nte d in sid e a m e. A nd I ju st d id n't fe el s o a ccep tin g a nym ore .

"G ET T H E H O USE s tr a ig hte ned u p a nd th en g o o n a nd fix s o m e o f th at c hic k en s a la d n o w ," s a y Mis s L eefo lt .

It's b rid ge c lu b d ay. E very fo urth W ed nesd ay a th e m onth . A c o urs e I a lr e ad y g o t e verth in g r e ad y to go --m ad e th e c hic k en s a la d th is m orn in g, ir o ned th e ta b le clo th s y este rd ay. M is s L eefo lt s e en m e a t it to o. S he a in 't b ut tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd s h e lik e h earin g h ers e lf te ll m e w hat to d o.

She a lr e ad y g o t th e b lu e d re ss o n I ir o ned th is m orn in g, th e o ne w it h six ty -fiv e p le ats o n th e w ais t, so tin y I g o t to s q uin t th ro ugh m y g la sse s to ir o n. I d on't h ate m uch in lif e , b ut m e a nd th at d re ss is not o n g o od te rm s.

"A nd y o u m ak e s u re M ae M oble y's n o t c o m in g in o n u s, n o w . I te ll y o u, I a m s o b urn ed u p a t h er- - to re u p m y g o od s ta tio nery in to fiv e th o usa nd p ie ces a nd I 'v e g o t fif te en th ank -y o u n o te s fo r th e Ju nio r L eague to d o . . ." I a rra nge th e-th is a nd th e-th at fo r h er la d y fr ie nd s. S et o ut th e g o od c ry sta l, p ut th e s ilv er s e rv ic e out. M is s L eefo lt d on't p ut u p n o d in k y c ard ta b le lik e th e o th er la d ie s d o. W e s e t a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le . P ut a c lo th o n to p to c o ver th e b ig L -sh ap ed c ra ck , m ove th at r e d flo w er c ente rp ie ce to th e sid eb oard to h id e w here th e w ood a ll s c ra tc hed . M is s L eefo lt , s h e lik e it fa ncy w hen s h e d o a lu ncheo n. M ayb e s h e tr y in g to m ak e u p fo r h er h o use b ein g s m all. T hey a in 't r ic h fo lk , th at I k no w .

Ric h fo lk d on't tr y s o h ard .

I'm u se d to w ork in g fo r y o ung c o up le s, b ut I s p ec th is is th e s m alle st h o use I e ver w ork ed in . I t's ju st th e o ne s to ry . H er a nd M is te r L eefo lt 's r o om in th e b ack b e a fa ir s iz e , b ut B ab y G ir l's r o om b e tin y. T he d in in g r o om a nd th e r e gula r liv in g r o om k in d a jo in u p . O nly tw o b ath ro om s, w hic h is a re lie f c ause I w ork ed in h o use s w here th ey w as fiv e o r s ix . T ak e a w ho le d ay ju st to c le an to ile ts .

Mis s L eefo lt d on't p ay b ut n in ety -fiv e c ents a n h o ur, le ss th an I b een p aid in y ears . B ut a fte r T re elo re die d , I to ok w hat I c o uld . L and lo rd w asn 't g o ne w ait m uch lo nger. A nd e ven th o ugh it 's s m all, M is s Leefo lt d one th e h o use u p n ic e a s s h e c an. S he p re tty g o od w it h th e s e w in g m achin e. A nyth in g s h e can't b uy n ew o f, s h e ju st g et h er s o m e b lu e m ate ria l a nd s e w it a c o ver.

The d oorb ell r in g a nd I o pen it u p .

"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, c ause s h e th e k in d th at s p eak to th e h elp . " H ow y o u?" "H ey, M is s S keete r. I 'm a lr ig ht. L aw , it 's h o t o ut th ere ." Mis s S keete r r e al ta ll a nd s k in ny. H er h air b e y ello w a nd c ut s h o rt a b ove h er s h o uld ers c ause s h e get th e fr iz z y ear r o und . S he tw enty -th re e o r s o , s a m e a s M is s L eefo lt a nd th e r e st o f e m . S he s e t her p ock etb ook o n th e c hair , k in d a it c h a ro und in h er c lo th es a s e co nd . S he w earin g a w hit e la ce blo use b utto ned u p lik e a n un, fla t s h o es s o I r e ck on s h e d on't lo ok a ny ta lle r. H er b lu e s k ir t g ap s open in th e w ais t. M is s S keete r a lw ays lo ok lik e s o m eb ody e ls e to ld h er w hat to w ear.

I h ear M is s H illy a nd h er m am a, M is s W alt e r, p ull u p th e d riv ew ay a nd to ot th e h o rn . M is s H illy don't liv e b ut te n fe et a w ay, b ut s h e a lw ays d riv e o ver. I le t h er in a nd s h e g o r ig ht p ast m e a nd I fig ure it 's a g o od tim e to g et M ae M oble y u p fr o m h er n ap .

Soon a s I w alk in h er n urs e ry , M ae M oble y s m ile a t m e, r e ach o ut h er fa t lit tle a rm s.

"Y ou a lr e ad y u p , B ab y G ir l? W hy y o u d id n't h o lle r fo r m e?" She la ugh, d ance a lit tle h ap py jig w ait in g o n m e to g et h er o ut. I g iv e h er a g o od h ug. I r e ck on s h e don't g et to o m any g o od h ugs lik e th is a fte r I g o h o m e. E ver s o o fte n, I c o m e to w ork a nd fin d h er baw lin g in h er c rib , M is s L eefo lt b usy o n th e s e w in g m achin e r o llin g h er e yes lik e it 's a s tr a y c at stu ck in th e s c re en d oor. S ee, M is s L eefo lt , s h e d re ss u p n ic e e ver d ay. A lw ays g o t h er m ak eup o n, go t a c arp ort, d oub le -d oor F rig id air e w it h th e b uilt - in ic eb ox. Y ou s e e h er in th e J it n ey 1 4 g ro cery , yo u n ever th in k s h e g o a nd le ave h er b ab y c ry in g in h er c rib lik e th at. B ut th e h elp a lw ays k no w .

Today is a g o od d ay th o ugh. T hat g ir l ju st g rin s.

I s a y, " A ib ile en." She s a y, " A ib -e e." I s a y, " L ove." She s a y, " L ove." I s a y, " M ae M oble y." She s a y, " A ib -e e." A nd th en s h e la ugh a nd la ugh. S he s o tic k le d s h e ta lk in g a nd I g o t to s a y, it 's ab out tim e. T re elo re d id n't s a y n o th in g till h e tw o e it h er. B y th e tim e h e in th ir d g ra d e, th o ugh, h e g et to ta lk in g b ette r th an th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s, c o m in g h o m e u sin g w ord s lik e co nju gatio n and parlia m en ta ry . H e g et in ju nio r h ig h a nd w e p la y th is g am e w here I g iv e h im a r e al s im ple w ord and h e g o t to c o m e u p w it h a fa ncy o ne lik e it . I s a y house ca t , h e s a y dom estic iz e d f e lin e , I s a y mix er a nd h e s a y moto riz e d r o tu nda.

O ne d ay I s a y Cris c o .

H e s c ra tc h h is h ead . H e ju st c an't belie ve I d one w on th e g am e w it h s o m eth in g s im ple a s Cris c o . C am e to b e a s e cre t jo ke w it h u s, meanin g s o m eth in g y o u c an't d re ss u p n o m atte r h o w y o u tr y . W e s ta rt c allin g h is d ad dy Cris c o cause y o u c an't fa ncy u p a m an d one r u n o ff o n h is fa m ily . P lu s h e th e g re asie st n o -c o unt y o u e ver kno w n.

I to te M ae M oble y in to th e k it c hen a nd p ut h er in h er h ig h c hair , th in k in g a b out tw o c ho re s I n eed to fin is h to day fo re M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit : s e p ara te th e n ap kin s th at s ta rte d to fr a y a nd s tr a ig hte n u p th e s ilv er s e rv ic e in th e c ab in et. L aw , I 'm o n h ave to d o it w hile th e la d ie s is h ere , I g uess.

I ta k e th e tr a y a d evil e ggs o ut to th e d in in g r o om . M is s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e h ead a nd to h er le ft b e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok a nd M is s H illy 's m am a, M is s W alt e r, w ho M is s H illy d on't tr e at w it h n o re sp ect. A nd th en o n M is s L eefo lt 's r ig ht b e M is s S keete r.

I m ak e th e e gg r o und s, s ta rtin g w it h o le M is s W alt e r fir s t c ause s h e th e e ld er. I t's w arm in h ere , b ut sh e g o t a th ic k b ro w n s w eate r d ro oped a ro und h er s h o uld ers . S he s c o op a e gg u p a nd n ear b out dro p it c ause s h e g ettin g th e p als y. T hen I m ove o ver to M is s H illy a nd s h e s m ile a nd ta k e tw o. M is s Hilly g o t a r o und fa ce a nd d ark b ro w n h air in th e b eehiv e. H er s k in b e o liv e c o lo r, w it h fr e ck le s a nd mole s. S he w ear a lo t a r e d p la id . A nd s h e g ettin g h eavy in th e b otto m . T oday, s in ce it 's s o h o t, s h e wearin g a r e d s le evele ss d re ss w it h n o w ais t to it . S he o ne a th o se g ro w n la d ie s th at s till d re ss lik e a lit tle g ir l w it h b ig b ow s a nd m atc hin g h ats a nd s u ch. S he a in 't m y fa vo rit e .

I m ove o ver to M is s S keete r, b ut s h e w rin k le h er n o se u p a t m e a nd s a y, " N o, th ank s," c ause s h e don't e at n o e ggs. I te ll M is s L eefo lt e ver tim e s h e h ave th e b rid ge c lu b a nd s h e m ak e m e d o th em eggs a nyw ays. S he s c are d M is s H illy b e d is a p poin te d .

Fin ally , I d o M is s L eefo lt . S he th e h o ste ss s o s h e g o t to p ic k u p h er e ggs la st. A nd s o on a s I 'm done, M is s H illy s a y, " D on't m in d if I d o," a nd s n atc h h ers e lf tw o m ore e ggs, w hic h d on't s u rp ris e me.

"G uess w ho I r a n in to a t th e b eauty p arlo r? " M is s H illy s a y to th e la d ie s.

"W ho 's th at? " a sk M is s L eefo lt .

"C elia F oote . A nd d o y o u k no w w hat s h e a sk ed m e? I f s h e c o uld h elp w it h th e B enefit th is y ear." "G ood," M is s S keete r s a y. " W e n eed it ." "N ot th at b ad , w e d on't . I to ld h er, I s a id , 'C elia , y o u h ave to b e a L eague m em ber o r a s u sta in er to partic ip ate .' W hat d oes s h e th in k th e J a ck so n L eague is ? O pen r u sh ?" "A re n't w e ta k in g n o nm em bers th is y ear? S in ce th e B enefit 's g o tte n s o b ig ?" M is s S keete r a sk .

"W ell, y es," M is s H illy s a y. " B ut I w asn 't a b out to te ll her th at." "I c an't b elie ve J o hnny m arrie d a g ir l s o ta ck y lik e s h e is ," M is s L eefo lt s a y a nd M is s H illy n o d. S he sta rt d ealin g o ut th e b rid ge c ard s. I s p oon o ut th e c o ngeale d s a la d a nd th e h am s a nd w ic hes, c an't h elp b ut lis te n to th e c hatte r. O nly th re e th in gs th em la d ie s ta lk a b out: th ey k id s, th ey c lo th es, a nd th ey fr ie nd s. I h ear th e w ord Ken ned y , I k no w th ey a in 't d is c ussin g n o p olit ic . T hey ta lk in g a b out w hat M is s J a ck ie d one w ore o n th e te e-v ee.

When I g et a ro und to M is s W alt e r, s h e d on't ta k e b ut o ne lit tle o ld h alf a s a nd w ic h fo r h ers e lf .

"M am a," M is s H illy y ell a t M is s W alt e r, " T ak e a no th er s a nd w ic h. Y ou a re s k in ny a s a te le p ho ne pole ." M is s H illy lo ok o ver a t th e r e st a th e ta b le . " I k eep te llin g h er, if th at M in ny c an't c o ok s h e need s to ju st g o o n a nd fir e h er." My e ars p erk u p a t th is . T hey ta lk in g b out th e h elp . I 'm b est fr ie nd s w it h M in ny.

"M in ny c o oks fin e," s a y o le M is s W alt e r. " I'm ju st n o t s o h ungry lik e I u se d to b e." Min ny n ear b out th e b est c o ok in H in d s C ounty , m ayb e e ven a ll a M is sis sip pi. T he J u nio r L eague Benefit c o m e a ro und e ver fa ll a nd th ey b e w antin g h er to m ak e te n c ara m el c ak es to a uctio n o ff. S he ought a b e th e m ost s o ught- a fte r h elp in th e s ta te . P ro ble m is , M in ny g o t a m outh o n h er. S he a lw ays ta lk in g b ack . O ne d ay it b e th e w hit e m anager a th e J it n ey J u ngle g ro cery , n ext d ay it b e h er husb and , a nd e ver d ay it 's g o ne b e th e w hit e la d y s h e w ait in g o n. T he o nly r e aso n s h e w ait in g o n Mis s W alt e r s o lo ng is M is s W alt e r b e d eaf a s a d oe-n o b.

"I th in k y o u'r e m aln utr it io ned , M am a," h o lle r M is s H illy . " T hat M in ny is n 't fe ed in g y o u s o th at s h e can s te al e very la st h eir lo om I h ave le ft." M is s H illy h uff o ut a h er c hair . " I'm g o in g to th e p ow der ro om . Y 'a ll w atc h h er in c ase s h e c o lla p se s d ead o f h unger." When M is s H illy g o ne, M is s W alt e r s a y r e al lo w , " I b et y o u'd lo ve th at." E verb ody a ct lik e th ey did n't h ear. I b ette r c all M in ny to nig ht, te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .

In th e k it c hen, B ab y G ir l's u p in h er h ig h c hair , g o t p urp le ju ic e a ll o ver h er fa ce. S oon a s I w alk in , sh e s m ile . S he d on't m ak e n o fu ss b ein g in h ere b y h ers e lf , b ut I h ate to le ave h er to o lo ng. I k no w sh e s ta re a t th at d oor r e al q uie t till I c o m e b ack .

I p at h er lit tle s o ft h ead a nd g o b ack o ut to p our th e ic e te a. M is s H illy 's b ack in h er c hair lo okin g a ll bow ed u p a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w .

"O h H illy , I w is h y o u'd u se th e g uest b ath ro om ," s a y M is s L eefo lt , r e arra ngin g h er c ard s. " A ib ile en doesn 't c le an in th e b ack u ntil a fte r lu nch." Hilly r a is e h er c hin u p . T hen s h e g iv e o ne a h er " a h-h em 's ." S he g o t th is w ay a c le arin g h er th ro at re al d elic ate -lik e th at g et e verb ody's a tte ntio n w it h o ut th ey e ven k no w in g s h e m ad e e m d o it .

"B ut th e g uest b ath ro om 's w here th e h elp g o es," M is s H illy s a y.

Nobody s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd . T hen M is s W alt e r n o d, lik e s h e e xp la in in g it a ll. " S he's u p se t cause th e N ig ra u se s th e in sid e b ath ro om a nd s o d o w e." Law , n o t th is m ess a gain . T hey a ll lo ok o ver a t m e s tr a ig hte nin g th e s ilv er d ra w er in th e s id eb oard and I k no w it 's tim e fo r m e to le ave. B ut b efo re I c an g et th e la st s p oon in th ere , M is s L eefo lt g iv e me th e lo ok, s a y, " G o g et s o m e m ore te a, A ib ile en." I g o lik e s h e te ll m e to , e ven th o ugh th ey c up s is fu ll to th e r im .

I s ta nd a ro und th e k it c hen a m in ute b ut I a in 't g o t n o th in g le ft to d o in th ere . I n eed to b e in th e d in in g ro om s o I c an fin is h m y s ilv er s tr a ig hte nin g. A nd I s till g o t th e n ap kin c ab in et to s o rt th ro ugh to day but it 's in th e h all, r ig ht o uts id e w here th ey s e ttin g. I d on't w ant a s ta y la te ju st c ause M is s L eefo lt pla yin g c ard s.

I w ait a fe w m in ute s, w ip e a c o unte r. G iv e B ab y G ir l m ore h am a nd s h e g o bble it u p . F in ally , I s lip out to th e h all, p ra y n o body s e e m e.

All fo ur o f e m g o t a c ig are tte in o ne h and , th ey c ard s in th e o th er. " E liz a b eth , if y o u h ad th e c ho ic e," I hear M is s H illy s a y, " w ould n't y o u r a th er th em ta k e th eir b usin ess o uts id e?" Real q uie t, I o pen th e n ap kin d ra w er, m ore c o ncern ed a b out M is s L eefo lt s e ein g m e th an w hat th ey sa yin g. T his ta lk a in 't n ew s to m e. E verw here in to w n th ey g o t a c o lo re d b ath ro om , a nd m ost th e ho use s d o to o. B ut I lo ok o ver a nd M is s S keete r's w atc hin g m e a nd I fr e eze , th in k in g I 'm a b out to get in tr o ub le .

"I b id o ne h eart," M is s W alt e r s a y.

"I d on't k no w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, fr o w nin g a t h er c ard s, " W it h R ale ig h s ta rtin g h is o w n b usin ess a nd ta x s e aso n n o t fo r s ix m onth s . . . th in gs a re r e al tig ht fo r u s r ig ht n o w ." Mis s H illy ta lk s lo w , lik e s h e s p re ad in g ic in g o n a c ak e. " Y ou ju st te ll R ale ig h e very p enny h e s p end s on th at b ath ro om h e'll g et b ack w hen y 'a ll s e ll th is h o use ." S he n o d lik e s h e a gre ein g w it h h ers e lf .

"A ll th ese h o use s th ey'r e b uild in g w it h o ut m aid 's q uarte rs ? I t's ju st p la in d angero us. E very b ody kno w s th ey c arry d if fe re nt k in d s o f d is e ase s th an w e d o. I d oub le ." I p ic k u p a s ta ck a n ap kin s. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut a ll a s u d den I w ant a h ear w hat M is s L eefo lt go ne s a y to th is . S he m y b oss. I g uess e verb ody w ond er w hat th ey b oss th in k a th em .

"It w ould b e n ic e," M is s L eefo lt s a y, ta k in g a lit tle p uff a h er c ig are tte , " n o t h avin g h er u se th e o ne in th e h o use . I b id th re e s p ad es." "T hat's e xactly w hy I 'v e d esig ned th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e," M is s H illy s a y. " A s a dis e ase -p re venta tiv e m easu re ." I'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w tig ht m y th ro at g et. I t's a s h am e I le arn ed to k eep d ow n a lo ng tim e a go .

Mis s S keete r lo ok r e al c o nfu se d . " T he H om e... th e w hat? " "A b ill th at r e q uir e s e very w hit e h o m e to h ave a s e p ara te b ath ro om fo r th e c o lo re d h elp . I 'v e e ven no tif ie d th e s u rg eo n g enera l o f M is sis sip pi to s e e if h e'll e nd ors e th e id ea. I p ass." Mis s S keete r, s h e fr o w nin g a t M is s H illy . S he s e t h er c ard s d ow n fa ceup a nd s a y r e al m atte r- a -fa ct, "M ayb e w e o ught to ju st b uild y o u a b ath ro om o uts id e, H illy ." And L aw , d o th at r o om g et q uie t.

Mis s H illy s a y, " I d on't th in k y o u o ught to b e jo kin g a ro und a b out th e c o lo re d s it u atio n. N ot if y o u want to s ta y o n a s e d it o r o f th e L eague, S keete r P hela n." Mis s S keete r k in d a la ugh, b ut I c an te ll s h e d on't th in k it 's fu nny. " W hat, y o u'd . . . k ic k m e o ut?

For d is a gre ein g w it h y o u?" Mis s H illy r a is e a e yeb ro w . " I w ill d o w hate ver I h ave to d o to p ro te ct o ur to w n. Y our le ad , M am a." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd d on't c o m e o ut a gain till I h ear th e d oor c lo se a fte r M is s H illy 's b ehin d .

WHEN I K NOW M is s H IL LY G O NE, I p ut M ae M oble y in h er p la yp en, d ra g th e g arb age b in o ut to th e s tr e et c ause th e tr u ck 's c o m in g b y to day. A t th e to p a th e d riv ew ay, M is s H illy a nd h er c ra zy mam a n ear b out b ack o ver m e in th ey c ar, th en y ell o ut a ll fr ie nd ly h o w s o rry th ey is . I w alk in th e ho use , g la d I a in 't g o t tw o n ew b ro ken le gs.

When I g o in th e k it c hen, M is s S keete r's in th ere . S he le anin g a gain st th e c o unte r, g o t a s e rio us lo ok on h er fa ce, e ven m ore s e rio us th an u su al. " H ey, M is s S keete r. I g et y o u s o m eth in g?" She g la nce o ut a t th e d riv e w here M is s L eefo lt 's ta lk in g to M is s H illy th ro ugh h er c ar w in d ow . " N o, I'm ju st . . . w ait in g." I d ry a tr a y w it h a to w el. W hen I s n eak a lo ok o ver, s h e's s till g o t h er w orrie d e yes o n th at w in d ow .

She d on't lo ok lik e o th er la d ie s, b ein g s h e s o ta ll. S he g o t r e al h ig h c heek bones. B lu e e yes th at tu rn dow n, g iv in g h er a s h y w ay a b out h er. I t's q uie t, e xcep t fo r th e lit tle r a d io o n th e c o unte r, p la yin g th e go sp el s ta tio n. I w is h s h e'd g o o n o ut a h ere .

"Is th at P re acher G re en's s e rm on y o u'r e p la yin g o n th e r a d io ?" s h e a sk .

"Y es m a'a m , it is ." Mis s S keete r k in d a s m ile . " T hat r e m in d s m e s o m uch o f m y m aid g ro w in g u p ." "O h I k new C onsta ntin e," I s a y.

Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes fr o m th e w in d ow to m e. " S he r a is e d m e, d id y o u k no w th at? " I n o d, w is h in g I h ad n't s a id n o th in g. I k no w to o m uch a b out th at s it u atio n.

"I'v e b een tr y in g to g et a n a d dre ss fo r h er fa m ily in C hic ago ," s h e s a y, " b ut n o body c an te ll m e anyth in g." "I d on't h ave it e it h er, m a'a m ." Mis s S keete r m ove h er e yes b ack to th e w in d ow , o n M is s H illy 's B uic k . S he s h ak e h er h ead , ju st a lit tle . " A ib ile en, th at ta lk in th ere . . . H illy 's ta lk , I m ean . . ." I p ic k u p a c o ffe e c up , s ta rt d ry in g it r e al g o od w it h m y c lo th .

"D o y o u e ver w is h y o u c o uld ... c hange th in gs? " s h e a sk s.

And I c an't h elp m yse lf . I lo ok a t h er h ead o n. C ause th at's o ne a th e s tu p id est q uestio ns I e ver heard . S he g o t a c o nfu se d , d is g uste d lo ok o n h er fa ce, lik e s h e d one s a lt e d h er c o ffe e in ste ad a su gare d it .

I tu rn b ack to m y w ash in g, s o s h e d on't s e e m e r o llin g m y e yes. " O h n o , m a'a m , e verth in g's fin e." "B ut th at ta lk in th ere , a b out th e bath ro om --" a nd s m ack o n th at w ord , M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e kit c hen.

"O h, th ere y o u a re , S keete r." S he lo ok a t u s b oth k in d a fu nny. " I'm s o rry , d id I . . . in te rru p t so m eth in g?" W e b oth s ta nd th ere , w ond erin g w hat s h e m ig ht a h eard .

"I h ave to r u n," M is s S keete r s a ys. " S ee y o u to m orro w , E liz a b eth ." S he o pen th e b ack d oor, s a y, "T hank s, A ib ile en, fo r lu nch," a nd s h e g o ne.

I g o in th e d in in g r o om , s ta rt c le arin g th e b rid ge ta b le . A nd ju st lik e I k new s h e w ould , M is s L eefo lt co m e in b ehin d m e w earin g h er u p se t s m ile . H er n eck 's s tic k in g o ut lik e s h e fix in g to a sk m e so m eth in g. S he d on't lik e m e ta lk in g to h er fr ie nd s w hen s h e a in 't a ro und , n ever h as. A lw ays w antin g to k no w w hat w e s a yin g. I g o r ig ht o n p ast h er in to th e k it c hen. I p ut B ab y G ir l in h er h ig h c hair a nd sta rt c le anin g th e o ven.

Mis s L eefo lt fo llo w m e in th ere , e yeb all a b uck et a C ris c o , p ut it d ow n. B ab y G ir l h o ld h er a rm s o ut fo r h er m am a to p ic k h er u p , b ut M is s L eefo lt o pen a c ab in et, a ct lik e s h e d on't s e e. T hen s h e s la m it c lo se , o pen a no th er o ne. F in ally s h e ju st s ta nd th ere . I 'm d ow n o n m y h and s a nd k nees. P re tty so on m y h ead 's s o fa r in th at o ven I lo ok lik e I 'm tr y in g to g as m yse lf .

"Y ou a nd M is s S keete r lo oked lik e y o u w ere ta lk in g a w fu l s e rio us a b out s o m eth in g." "N o m a'a m , s h e ju st... a sk in g d o I w ant s o m e o ld c lo th es," I s a y a nd it s o und lik e I 'm d ow n in a well- h o le . G re ase a lr e ad y w ork in g it s e lf u p m y a rm s. S m ell lik e a u nd era rm in h ere . D on't ta k e n o tim e fo re s w eat's r u nnin g d ow n m y n o se a nd e ver tim e I s c ra tc h a t it , I g et a p lu g a c ru d o n m y fa ce.

Got to b e th e w ors t p la ce in th e w orld , in sid e a o ven. Y ou in h ere , y o u e it h er c le anin g o r y o u g ettin g co oked . T onig ht I ju st k no w I 'm o n h ave th at d re am I 'm s tu ck in sid e a nd th e g as g ets tu rn ed o n. B ut I k eep m y h ead in th at a w fu l p la ce c ause I 'd r a th er b e a nyw here s id es a nsw erin g M is s L eefo lt 's questio ns a b out w hat M is s S keete r w as tr y in g to s a y to m e. A sk in g d o I w ant to ch ange th in gs.

Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt h uff a nd g o o ut to th e c arp ort. I fig ure s h e lo okin g a t w here s h e g o ne b uild me m y n ew c o lo re d b ath ro om .

ch ap te r 2 Y O U'D N EV ER K NOW I T liv in g h ere , b ut J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, b e fille d w it h tw o h und re d t h o usa nd p eo ple s. I s e e th em n um bers in th e p ap er a nd I g o t to w ond er, w here d o th em p eo ple s l iv e? U nd erg ro und ? C ause I k no w ju st a b out e verb ody o n m y s id e a th e b rid ge a nd p le nty a w hit e f a m ilie s to o, a nd th at s u re d on't a d d u p to b e n o tw o h und re d th o usa nd .

S ix d ays a w eek , I ta k e th e b us a cro ss th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge to w here M is s L eefo lt a nd a ll h er w hit e fr ie nd s liv e, in a n eig hb orh o od c all B elh aven. R ig ht n ext to B elh aven b e th e d ow nto w n a nd t h e s ta te c ap it a l. C ap it o l b uild in g is r e al b ig , p re tty o n th e o uts id e b ut I n ever b een in it . I w ond er w hat th ey p ay to c le an th at p la ce.

D ow n th e r o ad fr o m B elh aven is w hit e W oodla nd H ills , th en S herw ood F ore st, w hic h is m ile s a b ig l iv e o ak s w it h th e m oss h angin g d ow n. N obody liv in g in it y et, b ut it 's th ere fo r w hen th e w hit e fo lk s i s r e ad y to m ove s o m ew here e ls e n ew . T hen it 's th e c o untr y , o ut w here M is s S keete r liv e o n th e L ongle af c o tto n p la nta tio n. S he d on't k no w it , b ut I p ic k ed c o tto n o ut th ere in 1 931, d urin g th e D ep re ssio n, w hen w e d id n't h ave n o th in g to e at b ut s ta te c heese .

S o J a ck so n's ju st o ne w hit e n eig hb orh o od a fte r th e n ext a nd m ore s p rin gin g u p d ow n th e r o ad . B ut t h e c o lo re d p art a to w n, w e o ne b ig a nth ill, s u rro und ed b y s ta te la nd th at a in 't fo r s a le . A s o ur n um bers g et b ig ger, w e c an't s p re ad o ut. O ur p art a to w n ju st g ets th ic k er.

I g et o n th e n um ber s ix b us th at a fte rn o on, w hic h g o es fr o m B elh aven to F aris h S tr e et. T he b us t o day is n o th in g b ut m aid s h ead in g h o m e in o ur w hit e u nif o rm s. W e a ll c hattin g a nd s m ilin g a t e ach o th er lik e w e o w n it - -n o t c ause w e m in d if th ey's w hit e p eo ple o n h ere , w e s it a nyw here w e w ant to n o w th ank s to M is s P ark s--ju st c ause it 's a fr ie nd ly fe elin g.

I s p ot M in ny in th e b ack c ente r s e at. M in ny s h o rt a nd b ig , g o t s h in y b la ck c urls . S he s e ttin g w it h h er l e gs s p la yed , h er th ic k a rm s c ro sse d . S he s e vente en y ears y o unger th an I a m . M in ny c o uld p ro bab ly l if t th is b us u p o ver h er h ead if s h e w ante d to . O ld la d y lik e m e's lu ck y to h ave h er a s a fr ie nd .

I ta k e th e s e at in fr o nt a h er, tu rn a ro und a nd lis te n. E verb ody lik e to lis te n to M in ny.

" . . . s o I s a id , M is s W alt e rs , th e w orld d on't w ant a s e e y o ur n ak ed w hit e b ehin d a ny m ore th an t h ey w ant a s e e m y b la ck o ne. N ow , g et in th is h o use a nd p ut y o ur u nd erp ants a nd s o m e c lo th es o n." " O n th e fr o nt p orc h? N ak ed ?" K ik i B ro w n a sk .

" H er b ehin d h angin g to h er k nees." T he b us is la ughin g a nd c huck lin g a nd s h ak in g th ey h ead s.

" L aw , th at w om an c ra zy," K ik i s a y. " I d on't k no w h o w y o u a lw ays s e em to g et th e c ra zy o nes, M in ny." " O h, lik e y o ur M is s P atte rs o n a in 't ? " M in ny s a y to K ik i. " S ho ot, s h e c all th e r o ll a th e c ra zy la d y c lu b ." T he w ho le b us b e la ughin g n o w c ause M in ny d on't lik e n o body ta lk in g b ad a b out h er w hit e l a d y e xcep t h ers e lf . T hat's h er jo b a nd s h e o w n th e r ig hts . The b us c ro ss th e b rid ge a nd m ak e th e fir s t s to p in th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od. A d oze n o r s o m aid s get o ff. I g o s e t in th e o pen s e at n ext to M in ny. S he s m ile , b um p m e h ello w it h h er e lb ow . T hen s h e re la x b ack in h er s e at c ause s h e d on't h ave to p ut o n n o s h o w fo r m e.

"H ow y o u d oin g? Y ou h ave to ir o n p le ats th is m orn in g?" I la ugh, n o d m y h ead . " T ook m e a h o ur a nd a h alf ." "W hat y o u fe ed M is s W alt e rs a t b rid ge c lu b to day? I w ork ed a ll m orn in g m ak in g th at fo ol a c ara m el cak e a nd th en s h e w ould n't e at a c ru m b." That m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat M is s H illy s a y a t th e ta b le to day. A ny o th er w hit e la d y a nd n o o ne would c are , b ut w e'd a ll w ant a k no w if M is s H illy a fte r u s. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to p ut it .

I lo ok o ut th e w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l g o b y, th e fr u it s ta nd . " I th in k I h eard M is s H illy s a y so m eth in g a b out th at, b out h er m am a g ettin g s k in ny." I s a y th is c are fu l a s I c an. " S ay m ayb e s h e gettin g m al- n utr it io us." Min ny lo ok a t m e. " S he d id , d id s h e?" J u st th e n am e m ak e h er e yes n arro w . " W hat e ls e M is s H illy sa y?" I b ette r ju st g o o n a nd s a y it . " I th in k s h e g o t h er e ye o n y o u, M in ny. J u st . . . b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und her." "M is s H illy o ught to b e e xtr a c are fu l a ro und me.

W hat s h e s a y, I c an't c o ok? S he s a y th at o ld b ag a bones a in 't e atin g c ause I c an't fe ed h er? " M in ny s ta nd u p , th ro w h er p urs e u p o n h er a rm .

"I'm s o rry , M in ny, I o nly to ld y o u s o y o u s ta y o ut a h er- -" "S he e ver s a y th at to m e, s h e g o ne g et a p ie ce a M in ny fo r lu nch." S he h uff d ow n th e s te p s.

I w atc h h er th ro ugh th e w in d ow , s to m pin g o ff to w ard h er h o use . M is s H illy a in 't s o m eb ody to m ess wit h . L aw , m ayb e I s h o uld a ju st k ep t it to m yse lf .

A C O UPLE M ORN IN GS L ATER , I g et o ff th e b us, w alk th e b lo ck to M is s L eefo lt 's h o use .

Park ed in fr o nt is a o ld lu m ber tr u ck . T hey's tw o c o lo re d m ens in sid e, o ne d rin k in g a c up a c o ffe e, th e o th er a sle ep s e ttin g s tr a ig ht u p . I g o o n p ast, in to th e k it c hen.

Mis te r R ale ig h L eefo lt s till a t h o m e th is m orn in g, w hic h is r a re . W henever h e h ere , h e lo ok lik e h e ju st c o untin g th e m in ute s till h e g et to g o b ack to h is a cco untin g jo b. E ven o n S atu rd ay. B ut to day h e carry in g o n b out s o m eth in g.

"T his is m y d am n h o use a nd I p ay fo r w hat g o ddam n g o es in it ! " M is te r L eefo lt y ell. Mis s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep u p b ehin d h im w it h th at s m ile th at m ean s h e a in 't h ap py. I h id e o ut in th e wash ro om . I t's b een tw o d ays s in ce th e b ath ro om ta lk c o m e u p a nd I w as h o pin g it w as o ver.

Mis te r L eefo lt o pens th e b ack d oor to lo ok a t th e tr u ck s e ttin g th ere , s la m it b ack c lo se a gain .

"I p ut u p w it h th e n ew c lo th es, a ll th e d am n tr ip s to N ew O rle ans w it h y o ur s o ro rit y s is te rs , b ut th is ta k es th e g o ddam n c ak e." "B ut it 'll in cre ase th e v alu e o f th e h o use . H illy s a id s o !" I 'm s till in th e w ash ro om , b ut I c an a lm ost hear M is s L eefo lt tr y in g to k eep th at s m ile o n h er fa ce.

"W e c an't a ffo rd it ! A nd w e d o n o t ta k e o rd ers fr o m th e H olb ro oks!" Everth in g g et r e al q uie t fo r a m in ute . T hen I h ear th e pap-p ap a lit tle fe etu m p aja m as.

"D a-d ee?" I c o m e o ut th e w ash ro om a nd in to th e k it c hen th en c ause M ae M oble y's m y b usin ess.

Mis te r L eefo lt a lr e ad y k neelin g d ow n to h er. H e's w earin g a s m ile lo ok lik e it 's m ad e o ut a r u b ber.

"G uess w hat, h o ney?" She s m ile b ack . S he w ait in g fo r a g o od s u rp ris e .

"Y ou'r e n o t g o in g to c o lle ge s o y o ur m am a's fr ie nd s d on't h ave to u se th e s a m e b ath ro om a s th e maid ." He s to m p o ff a nd s la m th e d oor s o h ard it m ak e B ab y G ir l b lin k .

Mis s L eefo lt lo ok d ow n a t h er, s ta rt s h ak in g h er fin ger. " M ae M oble y, y o u k no w y o u'r e n o t su p pose d to c lim b u p o ut o f y o ur c rib !" Bab y G ir l, s h e lo okin g a t th e d oor h er d ad dy s la m med , s h e lo okin g a t h er m am a fr o w nin g d ow n a t her. M y b ab y, s h e s w allo w in g it b ack , lik e s h e tr y in g r e al h ard n o t to c ry .

I r u sh p ast M is s L eefo lt , p ic k B ab y G ir l u p . I w his p er, " L et's g o o n in th e liv in g r o om a nd p la y w it h th e ta lk in g to y. W hat th at d onk ey s a y?" "S he k eep s g ettin g u p . I p ut h er b ack in b ed th re e tim es th is m orn in g." "C ause s o m eb ody n eed s c hangin g. W ho ooow eeee." Mis s L eefo lt tis k , s a y, " W ell I d id n't r e aliz e . . ." b ut s h e a lr e ad y s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow a t th e lu m ber tr u ck .

I g o o n to th e b ack , s o m ad I 'm s to m pin g. B ab y G ir l b een in th at b ed s in ce e ig ht o 'c lo ck la st n ig ht, a co urs e s h e n eed c hangin g! M is s L eefo lt tr y to s it in tw elv e h o urs w orth a b ath ro om m ess w it h o ut gettin g u p !

I la y B ab y G ir l o n th e c hangin g ta b le , tr y to k eep m y m ad in sid e. B ab y G ir l s ta re u p a t m e w hile I ta k e o ff h er d ia p er. T hen s h e r e ach o ut h er lit tle h and . S he to uch m y m outh r e al s o ft.

"M ae M o b een b ad ," s h e s a y.

"N o, b ab y, y o u a in 't b een b ad ," I s a y, s m ooth in g h er h air b ack . " Y ou b een g o od. R eal g o od." I L IV E O n G ESSU M A V EN UE, w here I b een r e ntin g s in ce 1 942. Y ou c o uld s a y G essu m g o t a lo t a p ers o nalit y . T he h o use s a ll b e s m all, b ut e very fr o nt y ard 's d if fe re nt- -so m e s c ru b by a nd g ra ssle ss lik e a b ald -h ead ed o ld m an. O th ers g o t a za le a b ush es a nd r o se s a nd th ic k g re en g ra ss. M y y ard , I re ck on it b e s o m ew here in b etw een.

I g o t a fe w r e d c am ellia b ush es o ut fr o nt a th e h o use . M y g ra ss b e k in d a s p otty a nd I s till g o t a b ig yello w m ark w here T re elo re 's p ic k up s a t fo r th re e m onth s a fte r th e a ccid ent. I a in 't g o t n o tr e es. B ut th e b ack yard , n o w it lo oks lik e th e G ard en o f E den. T hat's w here m y n ext- d oor n eig hb or, I d a P eek , go t h er v egeta b le p atc h.

Id a a in 't g o t n o b ack yard to s p eak o f w hat w it h a ll h er h usb and 's ju nk --c ar e ngin es a nd o ld re fr ig era to rs a nd tir e s. S tu ff h e s a y h e g o ne fix b ut n ever d o. S o I te ll I d a s h e c o m e p la nt o n m y s id e.

That w ay I d on't h ave n o m ow in g to te nd to a nd s h e le t m e p ic k w hate ver I n eed , s a ve m e tw o o r th re e d olla rs e ver w eek . S he p ut u p w hat w e d on't e at, g iv e m e ja rs fo r th e w in te r s e aso n. G ood tu rn ip g re ens, e ggp la nt, o kra b y th e b ush el, a ll k in d a g o urd s. I d on't k no w h o w s h e k eep th em b ugs out a h er to m ato es, b ut s h e d o. A nd th ey g o od.

That e venin g, it 's r a in in g h ard o uts id e. I p ull o ut a ja r a I d a P eek 's c ab bage a nd to m ato , e at m y la st slic e a le fto ver c o rn b re ad . T hen I s e t d ow n to lo ok o ver m y fin ances c ause tw o th in gs d one h ap pen:

th e b us g o ne u p to fif te en c ents a r id e a nd m y r e nt g o ne u p to tw enty -n in e d olla rs a m onth . I w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt e ig ht to fo ur, s ix d ays a w eek e xcep t S atu rd ays. I g et p aid fo rty -th re e d olla rs e ver Frid ay, w hic h c o m e to $ 172 a m onth . T hat m eans a fte r I p ay th e lig ht b ill, th e w ate r b ill, th e g as b ill, and th e te le p ho ne b ill, I g o t th ir te en d olla rs a nd fif ty c ents a w eek le ft fo r m y g ro cerie s, m y c lo th es, gettin g m y h air d one, a nd tit h in g to th e c hurc h. N ot to m entio n th e c o st to m ail th ese b ills d one g o ne up to a n ic k el. A nd m y w ork s h o es is s o th in , th ey lo ok lik e th ey s ta rv in g to d eath . N ew p air c o st se ven d olla rs th o ugh, w hic h m eans I 'm o n b e e atin g c ab bage a nd to m ato till I tu rn in to B r'e r R ab bit .

Thank th e L ord fo r I d a P eek , e ls e I b e e atin g n o th in g.

My p ho ne r in g, m ak in g m e ju m p. B efo re I c an e ven s a y h ello , I h ear M in ny. S he w ork in g la te to nig ht.

"M is s H illy s e nd in g M is s W alt e rs to th e o ld la d y h o m e. I g o t to fin d m yse lf a n ew jo b. A nd y o u kno w w hen s h e g o in g? N ext week .

" "O h no , M in ny." "I b een lo okin g, c all te n la d ie s to day. N ot e ven a s p eck a in te re st." I a m s o rry to s a y I a in 't s u rp ris e d . " I a sk M is s L eefo lt fir s t th in g to m orro w d o s h e k no w a nyb ody need h elp ." "H ang o n," M in ny s a y. I h ear o ld M is s W alt e r ta lk in g a nd M in ny s a y, " W hat y o u th in k I a m ? A chauffe ur? I a in 't d riv in g y o u to n o c o untr y c lu b in th e p ourin g r a in ." Sid es s te alin g, w ors e th in g y o u'n d o fo r y o ur c are er a s a m aid is h ave a s m art m outh . S till, s h e s u ch a g o od c o ok, s o m etim es it m ak es u p fo r it .

"D on't y o u w orry , M in ny. W e g o ne fin d y o u s o m eb ody d eaf a s a d oe-k no b, ju st lik e M is s W alt e r." "M is s H illy b een h in tin g a ro und fo r m e to c o m e w ork fo r h er." "W hat? " I ta lk s te rn a s I c an: " N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , M in ny, I s u p port y o u m yse lf fo re I le t y o u work fo r th at e vil la d y." "W ho y o u th in k y o u ta lk in g to , A ib ile en? A m onk ey? I m ig ht a s w ell g o w ork fo r th e K KK. A nd yo u k no w I n ever ta k e Y ule M ay's jo b a w ay." "I'm s o rry , L ord y m e." I ju st g et s o n erv o us w hen it c o m e to M is s H illy . " I c all M is s C aro lin e o ver o n Honeysu ck le , s e e if s h e k no w s o m eb ody. A nd I c all M is s R uth , s h e s o n ic e it n ear b out b re ak y o ur heart. U se d to c le an u p th e h o use e ver m orn in g s o I d id n't h ave n o th in g to d o b ut k eep h er co m pany. H er h usb and d ie d a th e s c arle t fe ver, m m-h m m." "T hank y o u, A . N ow c o m e o n, M is s W alt e rs , e at u p a lit tle g re en b ean fo r m e." M in ny s a y g o odbye and h ang u p th e p ho ne.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, th ere th at o ld g re en lu m ber tr u ck is a gain . B angin g's a lr e ad y s ta rte d b ut Mis te r L eefo lt a in 't s to m pin g a ro und to day. I g uess h e k no w h e d one lo st th is o ne b efo re it e ven sta rte d .

Mis s L eefo lt s e ttin g a t th e k it c hen ta b le in h er b lu e-q uilt b ath ro be ta lk in g o n th e te le p ho ne. B ab y Gir l's g o t r e d s tic k y a ll o ver h er fa ce, h angin g o n to h er m am a's k nees tr y in g to g et h er lo ok a t h er.

"M orn in g, B ab y G ir l, " I s a y.

"M am a! M am a!" s h e s a y, tr y in g to c ra w l u p in M is s L eefo lt 's la p .

"N o, M ae M oble y." M is s L eefo lt n ud ge h er d ow n. " M am a's o n th e te le p ho ne. L et M am a ta lk ." "M am a, p ic k u p ," M ae M oble y w hin e a nd r e ach o ut h er a rm s to h er m am a. " P ic k M ae M o u p ." "H ush ," M is s L eefo lt w his p er.

I s c o op B ab y G ir l u p r ig ht q uic k a nd ta k e h er o ver to th e s in k , b ut s h e k eep c ra nin g h er n eck aro und , w hin in g, " M am a, Mam a ," tr y in g to g et h er a tte ntio n.

"J u st lik e y o u to ld m e to s a y it ." M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g in to th e p ho ne. " S om ed ay w hen w e m ove, it 'll ra is e th e v alu e o f th e h o use ." "C om e o n, B ab y G ir l. P ut y o ur h and s h ere , u nd er th e w ate r." But B ab y G ir l w rig glin g h ard . I 'm tr y in g to g et th e s o ap o n h er fin gers b ut s h e tw is tin g a nd tu rn in g and s h e s n ak e r ig ht o ut m y a rm s. S he r u n s tr a ig ht to h er m am a a nd s tic k o ut h er c hin a nd th en s h e je rk th e p ho ne c o rd h ard a s s h e c an. T he r e ceiv er c la tte r o ut a M is s L eefo lt 's h and a nd h it th e flo or.

"M ae M oble y!" I s a y.

I r u sh to g et h er b ut M is s L eefo lt g et th ere fir s t. H er lip s is c urle d b ack fr o m h er te eth in a s c ary sm ile . M is s L eefo lt s la p B ab y G ir l o n th e b ack a h er b are le gs s o h ard I ju m p fr o m th e s tin g.

Then M is s L eefo lt g ra b M ae M oble y b y th e a rm , je rk it h ard w it h e ver w ord . " D on't y o u to uch th is pho ne a gain , M ae M oble y!" s h e s a y. " A ib ile en, h o w m any tim es d o I h ave to te ll y o u to k eep h er aw ay fr o m m e w hen I a m o n th e p ho ne!" "I'm s o rry ," I s a y a nd I p ic k u p M ae M oble y, tr y to h ug h er to m e, b ut s h e b aw lin g a nd h er fa ce is re d a nd s h e fig htin g m e.

"C om e o n, B ab y G ir l, it 's a ll r ig ht, e verth in g--" Mae M oble y m ak e a n u gly fa ce a t m e a nd th en s h e r e ar b ack a nd bow p ! S he w hack m e r ig ht o n th e e ar.

Mis s L eefo lt p oin t a t th e d oor, y ell, " A ib ile en, y o u b oth ju st g et out ." I c arry h er o ut th e k it c hen. I 'm s o m ad a t M is s L eefo lt , I 'm b it in g m y to ngue. I f th e fo ol w ould ju st pay h er c hild s o m e a tte ntio n, th is w ould n't h ap pen! W hen w e m ak e it to M ae M oble y's r o om , I s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair . S he s o b o n m y s h o uld er a nd I r u b h er b ack , g la d s h e c an't s e e th e m ad o n m y fa ce. I d on't w ant h er to th in k it 's a t h er.

"Y ou o kay, B ab y G ir l? " I w his p er. M y e ar s m artin g fr o m h er lit tle fis t. I 'm s o g la d s h e h it m e in ste ad a h er m am a, c ause I d on't k no w w hat th at w om an w ould a d one to h er. I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e r e d fin germ ark s o n th e b ack a h er le gs.

"I'm h ere , b ab y, A ib ee's h ere ," I r o ck a nd s o oth e, r o ck a nd s o oth e.

But B ab y G ir l, s h e ju st c ry a nd c ry .

ARO UN D L U N CHTIM E, w hen m y s to rie s c o m e o n te e-v ee, it g ets q uie t o ut in th e c arp ort. M ae Moble y's in m y la p h elp in g m e s tr in g th e b eans. S he s till k in d a fu ssy fr o m th is m orn in g. I r e ck on I am to o, b ut I d one p ush ed it d ow n to a p la ce w here I d on't h ave to w orry w it h it .

We g o in th e k it c hen a nd I fix h er b alo ney s a nd w ic h. I n th e d riv ew ay, th e w ork m en is s e ttin g in th ey tr u ck , e atin g th ey o w n lu nches. I 'm g la d fo r th e p eace. I s m ile o ver a t B ab y G ir l, g iv e h er a str a w berry , s o g ra te fu l I w as h ere d urin g th e tr o ub le w it h h er m am a. I h ate to th in k w hat w ould a hap pen if I w asn 't . S he s tu ff th e s tr a w berry in h er m outh , s m ile b ack . I th in k s h e fe el it to o.

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't h ere s o I th in k a b out c allin g M in ny a t M is s W alt e r, s e e if s h e fo und a ny w ork y et.

But b efo re I g et a ro und to it , th ey's a k no ck o n th e b ack d oor. I o pen it to s e e o ne a th e w ork m en sta nd in g th ere . H e r e al o ld . G ot c o vera lls o n o ver a w hit e c o lla r s h ir t.

"H id ee, m a'a m . T ro ub le y o u fo r s o m e w ate r? " h e a sk . I d on't r e co gniz e h im . M ust liv e s o m ew here so uth a to w n.

"S ho n uff," I s a y.

I g o g et a p ap er c up fr o m th e c up board . I t's g o t h ap py b ir th d ay b allo ons o n it fr o m w hen M ae Moble y tu rn tw o. I k no w M is s L eefo lt d on't w ant m e g iv in g h im o ne a th e g la sse s.

He d rin k it in o ne lo ng s w allo w a nd h and m e th e c up b ack . H is fa ce b e r e al tir e d . K in d a lo neso m e in th e e yes.

"H ow y 'a ll c o m in g a lo ng?" I a sk .

"It's w ork ," h e s a y. " S till a in 't n o w ate r to it . R eck on w e r u n a p ip e o ut y o nd er fr o m th e r o ad ." "O th er fe lla n eed a d rin k ?" I a sk .

"B e m ig hty n ic e." H e n o d a nd I g o g et h is fr ie nd a lit tle fu nny-lo okin g c up to o, fill it u p fr o m th e s in k .

He d on't ta k e it to h is p artn er r ig ht a w ay.

"B eg a p ard on," h e s a y, " b ut w here . . ." H e s ta nd th ere a m in ute , lo ok d ow n a t h is fe et. " W here mig ht I g o to m ak e w ate r? " He lo ok u p a nd I lo ok a t h im a nd fo r a m in ute w e ju st b e lo okin g. I m ean, it 's o ne a th em fu nny th in gs. N ot th e h a-h a fu nny b ut th e fu nny w here y o u b e th in k in g: H uh. H ere w e is w it h tw o in th e ho use a nd o ne b ein g b uilt a nd th ey s till a in 't n o p la ce fo r th is m an to d o h is b usin ess.

"W ell . . ." I a in 't n ever b een in th is p osit io n b efo re . T he y o ung'u n, R obert, w ho d o th e y ard e ver tw o week s, I g uess h e g o fo re h e c o m e o ver. B ut th is fe lla , h e a o ld m an. G ot h eavy w rin k le d h and s.

Seventy y ears a w orry d one p ut s o m any lin es in h is fa ce, h e lik e a r o ad m ap .

"I s p ec y o u g o ne h ave to g o in th e b ush es, b ack a th e h o use ," I h ear m yse lf s a y, b ut I w is h it w ere n't me. " D og's b ack th ere , b ut h e w on't b oth er y o u." "A lr ig ht th en," h e s a y. " T hank y a." I w atc h h im w alk b ack r e al s lo w w it h th e c up a w ate r fo r h is p artn er.

The b angin g a nd th e d ig gin g g o o n th e r e st a th e a fte rn o on. All T H E N EX T D AY L O NG, th ey's h am merin g a nd d ig gin g g o in g o n in th e fr o nt y ard . I d on't a sk Mis s L eefo lt n o q uestio ns a b out it a nd M is s L eefo lt d on't o ffe r n o e xp la natio n. S he ju st p eer o ut th e back d oor e ver h o ur to s e e w hat's g o in g o n.

Thre e o 'c lo ck th e r a ck et s to ps a nd th e m ens g et in th ey tr u ck a nd le ave. M is s L eefo lt , s h e w atc h e m driv e o ff, le t o ut a b ig s ig h. T hen s h e g et in h er c ar a nd g o d o w hate ver it is s h e d o w hen s h e a in 't nerv o us b out a c o up le a c o lo re d m ens h angin g r o und h er h o use .

Afte r w hile , th e p ho ne r in g.

"M is s L eef- -" "S he te llin g e verb ody in to w n I 'm s te alin g! T hat's w hy I c an't g et n o w ork ! T hat w it c h d one tu rn ed me in to th e S m art- M outh ed C rim in al M aid a H in d s C ounty !" "H old o n, M in ny, g et y o ur b re ath --" "B efo re w ork th is m orn in g, I g o to th e R enfr o es' o ver o n S ycam ore a nd M is s R enfr o e n ear b out chase m e o ff th e p ro perty . S ay M is s H illy to ld h er a b out m e, e verb ody k no w I s to le a c and ela b ra fr o m M is s W alt e rs !" I c an h ear th e g rip s h e g o t o n th e p ho ne, s o und lik e s h e tr y in g to c ru sh it in h er h and . I h ear K in d ra ho lle r a nd I w ond er w hy M in ny a lr e ad y h o m e. S he u su ally d on't le ave w ork till fo ur.

"I a in 't d one n o th in g b ut fe ed th at o ld w om an g o od fo od a nd lo ok a fte r h er!" "M in ny, I k no w y o u h o nest. G od k no w y o u h o nest." Her v o ic e d ip d ow n, lik e b ees o n a c o m b. " W hen I w alk in to M is s W alt e rs ', M is s H illy b e th ere a nd sh e tr y to g iv e m e tw enty d olla rs . S he s a y, 'T ak e it . I k no w y o u n eed it ,' a nd I b out s p it in h er fa ce.

But I d id n't . N o s ir ." S he s ta rt m ak in g th is p antin g n o is e , s h e s a y, " I d id worse ." "W hat y o u d id ?" "I a in 't te llin g. I a in 't te llin g n o body a b out th at p ie . B ut I g iv e h er w hat s h e d ese rv e!" S he w ailin g n o w and I fe el a r e al c o ld fe ar. A in 't n o g am e c ro ssin g M is s H illy . " I a in 't n ever g o ne g et n o w ork a gain , Lero y g o ne k ill m e . . ." Kin d ra g ets to c ry in g in th e b ack gro und . M in ny h ang u p w it h o ut e ven s a yin g g o odbye. I d on't k no w what s h e ta lk in g a b out a p ie . B ut L aw , k no w in g M in ny, it c o uld n o t h ave b een g o od.

TH AT N IG HT, I p ic k m e a p oke s a la d a nd a to m ato o ut a I d a's g ard en. I fr y u p s o m e h am , m ak e a lit tle g ra vy fo r m y b is c uit . M y w ig b een b ru sh ed o ut a nd p ut u p , g o t m y p in k r o lle rs in , a lr e ad y sp ra yed th e G ood N uff o n m y h air . I b een w orrie d a ll a fte rn o on, th in k in g b out M in ny. I g o t to p ut it out a m y m in d if I 'm o n g et s o m e s le ep to nig ht.

I s e t a t m y ta b le to e at, tu rn o n th e k it c hen r a d io . L it tle S te vie W ond er's s in gin g " F in gertip s." B ein g co lo re d a in 't n o th in g o n th at b oy. H e tw elv e y ears o ld , b lin d , a nd g o t a h it o n th e r a d io . W hen h e done, I s k ip o ver P asto r G re en p la yin g h is s e rm on a nd s to p o n W BLA . T hey p la y th e ju k e jo in t blu es.

I lik e th em s m oky, liq uo r- d rin k in g s o und s w hen it g et d ark . M ak es m e fe el lik e m y w ho le h o use is fu ll a p eo ple . I c an a lm ost s e e e m , s w ayin g h ere in m y k it c hen, d ancin g to th e b lu es. W hen I tu rn o ff th e c eilin g lig ht, I p re te nd w e a t T he R aven. T hey's lit tle ta b le s w it h r e d -c o vere d lig hts . I t's M ay o r Ju ne a nd w arm . M y m an C ly d e fla sh m e h is w hit e -to oth ed s m ile a nd s a y Honey, y o u w ant y o u a drin k?

A nd I s a y, Bla ck M ary s tr a ig ht u p a nd th en I g et to la ughin g a t m yse lf , s e ttin g in m y k it c hen havin g th is d ayd re am , c ause th e r a cie st th in g I e ver ta k e is th e p urp le N ehi.

Mem phis M in ny g et to s in gin g o n th e r a d io h o w le an m eat w on't fr y , w hic h is a b out h o w th e lo ve don't la st. T im e to tim e, I th in k I m ig ht fin d m yse lf a no th er m an, o ne fr o m m y c hurc h. P ro ble m is , much a s I lo ve th e L ord , c hurc h-g o in g m an n ever d o a ll th at m uch fo r m e. K in d a m an I lik e a in 't th e kin d th at s ta ys a ro und w hen h e d one s p end in g a ll y o u m oney. I m ad e th at m is ta k e tw enty y ears a go .

When m y h usb and C ly d e le ft m e fo r th at n o -c o unt h ussy u p o n F aris h S tr e et, o ne th ey c all C oco a, I fig ure d I b ette r s h ut th e d oor fo r g o od o n th at k in d a b usin ess.

A c at g et to s c re echin g o uts id e a nd b rin g m e b ack to m y c o ld k it c hen. I tu rn th e r a d io o ff a nd th e lig ht b ack o n, fis h m y p ra yer b ook o ut m y p urs e . M y p ra yer b ook is ju st a b lu e n o te p ad I p ic k u p a t th e B en F ra nk lin s to re . I u se a p encil s o I c an e ra se till I g et it r ig ht. I b een w rit in g m y p ra yers s in ce I was in ju nio r h ig h. W hen I te ll m y s e venth -g ra d e te acher I a in 't c o m in g b ack to s c ho ol c ause I g o t to help o ut m y m am a, M is s R oss ju st a b out c rie d .

"Y ou'r e th e s m arte st o ne in th e c la ss, A ib ile en," s h e s a y. " A nd th e o nly w ay y o u'r e g o in g to k eep sh arp is to r e ad and w rit e e very d ay." So I s ta rte d w rit in g m y p ra yers d ow n in ste ad a s a yin g e m . B ut n o body's c alle d m e s m art s in ce.

I tu rn th e p ages a m y p ra yer b ook to s e e w ho I g o t to nig ht. A fe w tim es th is w eek , I th o ught a b out mayb e p uttin g M is s S keete r o n m y lis t. I 'm n o t r e al s u re w hy. S he a lw ays n ic e w hen s h e c o m e o ver.

It m ak es m e n erv o us, b ut I c an't h elp b ut w ond er w hat s h e w as g o ne a sk m e in M is s L eefo lt 's kit c hen, a b out d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. N ot to m entio n h er a sk in g m e th e w here ab outs a Consta ntin e, h er m aid g ro w in g u p . I k no w w hat h ap pen b etw een C onsta ntin e a nd M is s S keete r's mam a a nd a in 't n o w ay I 'm o n te ll h er th at s to ry .

The th in g is th o ugh, if I s ta rt p ra yin g fo r M is s S keete r, I k no w th at c o nvers a tio n g o ne c o ntin ue th e next tim e I s e e h er. A nd th e n ext a nd th e n ext. C ause th at's th e w ay p ra yer d o. I t's lik e e le ctr ic it y , it keep s th in gs g o in g. A nd th e b ath ro om s it u atio n, it ju st a in 't s o m eth in g I r e ally w ant to d is c uss. I s c an d ow n m y p ra yer lis t. M y M ae M oble y g o t th e n um ber o ne r u ng, th en th ey's F anny L ou a t churc h, a ilin g fr o m th e r h eum atis m . M y s is te rs I n ez a nd M ab le in P ort G ib so n th at g o t e ig hte en k id s betw een e m a nd s ix w it h th e flu . W hen th e lis t b e th in , I s lip in th at o ld s tin k y w hit e fe lla th at liv e behin d th e fe ed s to re , th e o ne lo st h is m in d fr o m d rin k in g th e s h o e p olis h . B ut th e lis t b e p re tty fu ll to nig ht.

And lo ok a th ere w ho e ls e I d one p ut o n th is lis t. B ertr in a B esse m er a a ll p eo ple ! E verb ody k no w Bertr in a a nd m e d on't ta k e to e ach o th er e ver s in ce s h e c all m e a n ig ga fo ol fo r m arry in g C ly d e um pte en y ears a go .

"M in ny," I s a y la st S und ay, " w hy B ertr in a a sk me to p ra y fo r h er? " We w alk in g h o m e fr o m th e o ne o 'c lo ck s e rv ic e. M in ny s a y, " R um or is y o u g o t s o m e k in d a p ow er pra yer, g ets b ette r r e su lt s th an ju st th e r e gula r v arie ty ." "S ay w hat? " "E ud ora G re en, w hen s h e b ro ke h er h ip , w ent o n y o ur lis t, u p w alk in g in a w eek . I s a ia h fe ll o ff th e co tto n tr u ck , o n y o ur p ra yer lis t th at n ig ht, b ack to w ork th e n ext d ay." Hearin g th is m ad e m e th in k a b out h o w I d id n't e ven g et th e c hance to p ra y fo r T re elo re . M ayb e th at's w hy G od to ok h im s o fa st. H e d id n't w ant a h ave to a rg ue w it h m e.

"S nuff W ash in gto n," M in ny s a y, " L olly J a ck so n--h eck , L olly g o o n y o ur lis t a nd tw o d ays la te r s h e pop u p fr o m h er w heelc hair lik e s h e to uched J e su s. E verb ody in H in d s C ounty k no w a b out th at one." "B ut th at a in 't m e," I s a y. " T hat's ju st p ra yer." "B ut B ertr in a--" M in ny g et to la ughin g, s a y, " Y ou k no w C oco a, th e o ne C ly d e r u n o ff w it h ?" "P hhh. Y ou k no w I n ever fo rg et h er." "W eek a fte r C ly d e le ft y o u, I h eard th at C oco a w ak e u p to h er c o otc hie s p oilt lik e a r o tte n o yste r.

Did n't g et b ette r fo r th re e m onth s. B ertr in a, s h e g o od fr ie nd s w it h C oco a. S he know y o ur p ra yer work s." My m outh d ro p o pen. W hy s h e n ever te ll m e th is b efo re ? " Y ou s a yin g p eo ple th in k I g o t th e b la ck magic ?" "I k new it m ak e y o u w orry if I to ld y o u. T hey ju st th in k y o u g o t a b ette r c o nnectio n th an m ost. W e all o n a p arty lin e to G od, b ut y o u, y o u s e ttin g r ig ht in h is e ar." My te ap ot s ta rt fu ssin g o n th e s to ve, b rin gin g m e b ack to r e al lif e . L aw , I r e ck on I ju st g o a head a nd put M is s S keete r o n th e lis t, b ut h o w c o m e, I d on't k no w . W hic h r e m in d s m e a w hat I d on't w ant a th in k a b out, th at M is s L eefo lt 's b uild in g m e a b ath ro om c ause s h e th in k I 'm d is e ase d . A nd M is s Skeete r a sk in g d on't I w ant to c hange th in gs, lik e c hangin g J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, g o ne b e lik e changin g a lig htb ulb . I'm S TR IN GIN G B EA N S in M is s L eefo lt 's k it c hen a nd th e p ho ne r in gs. I 'm h o pin g it 's M in ny to sa y s h e fo und s o m eth in g. I d one c alle d e verb ody I e ver w ait e d o n a nd th ey a ll to ld m e th e s a m e th in g: " W e a in 't h ir in g." B ut w hat th ey r e ally m ean is : " W e a in 't h ir in g Min ny ." Even th o ugh M in ny a lr e ad y h ad h er la st d ay a w ork th re e d ays a go , M is s W alt e r c all M in ny in s e cre t la st n ig ht, a sk h er to c o m e in to day c ause th e h o use fe el to o e m pty , w hat w it h m ost th e fu rn it u re alr e ad y ta k en a w ay b y M is s H illy . I s till d on't k no w w hat h ap pen w it h M in ny a nd M is s H illy . I re ck on I d on't r e ally w ant to k no w .

"L eefo lt r e sid ence." "U m, h i. T his is . . ." T he la d y s to p, c le ar h er th ro at. " H ello . M ay I . . . m ay I p le ase s p eak to Eliz a b eth L eer- fo lt ? " "M is s L eefo lt a in 't h o m e r ig ht n o w . M ay I ta k e a m essa ge?" "O h," s h e s a y, lik e s h e g o t a ll e xcit e d o ver n o th in g.

"M ay I a sk w ho c allin g?" "T his is . . . C elia F oote . M y h usb and g ave m e th is n um ber h ere a nd I d on't k no w E liz a b eth , b ut . . .

well, h e s a id s h e k no w s a ll a b out th e C hild re n's B enefit a nd th e L ad ie s L eague." I k no w th is n am e, but I c an't q uit e p la ce it . T his w om an ta lk lik e s h e fr o m s o d eep in th e c o untr y s h e g o t c o rn g ro w in g in h er s h o es. H er v o ic e is s w eet th o ugh, h ig h-p it c h. S till, s h e d on't s o und lik e th e la d ie s r o und h ere do.

"I g iv e h er y o ur m essa ge," I s a y. " W hat's y o ur n um ber? " "I'm k in d o f n ew h ere a nd , w ell, th at's n o t tr u e, I 'v e b een h ere a p re tty g o od s tr e tc h, g o sh , o ver a year n o w . I ju st d on't r e ally k no w a nyb ody. I d on't . . . g et o ut to o m uch." She c le ar h er th ro at a gain a nd I 'm w ond erin g w hy s h e te llin g m e a ll th is . I 'm th e m aid , s h e a in 't g o ne win n o fr ie nd s ta lk in g to m e.

"I w as th in k in g m ayb e I c o uld h elp o ut w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit fr o m h o m e," s h e s a y.

I r e m em ber th en w ho s h e is . S he th e o ne M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt a lw ays ta lk in g tr a sh o n c ause sh e m arry M is s H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd .

"I g iv e h er th e m essa ge. W hat y o u s a y y o ur n um ber is a gain ?" "O h, b ut I 'm fix in g to s c o ot o ff to th e g ro cery s to re . O h, m ayb e I s h o uld s it a nd w ait ." "S he d on't r e ach y o u, s h e le ave a m essa ge w it h y o ur h elp ." "I d on't h ave a ny h elp . I n fa ct, I w as p la nnin g o n a sk in g h er a b out th at to o, if s h e c o uld p ass a lo ng th e n am e o f s o m eb ody g o od." "Y ou lo okin g fo r h elp ?" "I'm in a s tit c h tr y in g to fin d s o m eb ody to c o m e a ll th e w ay o ut to M ad is o n C ounty ." Well, w hat d o y o u k no w . " I k no w s o m eb ody r e al g o od. S he k no w n fo r h er c o okin g a nd s h e lo ok afte r y o u k id s to o. S he e ven g o t h er o w n c ar to d riv e o ut to y o u h o use ." "O h, w ell . . . I 'd s till lik e to ta lk to E liz a b eth a b out it . D id I a lr e ad y te ll y o u m y n um ber? " "N o m a'a m ," I s ig h. " G o h ead ." M is s L eefo lt n ever g o ne r e co m mend M in ny, n o t w it h a ll a M is s Hilly 's lie s.

She s a y, " It's M is su s J o hnny F oote a nd it 's E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e." Ju st in c ase I s a y, " A nd h er n am e is M in ny, s h e a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. Y ou g o t th at? " Bab y G ir l tu g o n m y d re ss, s a y, " T um -m y h urt," a nd s h e r u b bin g h er b elly .

I g et a n id ea. I s a y, " H old o n, w hat's th at M is s L eefo lt ? U h-h uh, I te ll h er." I p ut th e p ho ne b ack to my m outh a nd s a y, " M is s C elia , M is s L eefo lt ju st w alk in a nd s h e s a y s h e a in 't fe elin g g o od b ut fo r yo u to g o o n a nd c all M in ny. S he s a y s h e c all y o u if s h e b e n eed in g h elp w it h th e B enefit ." "O h! T ell h er I s a id th ank y o u. A nd I s u re d o h o pe s h e g ets to fe elin g b ette r. A nd to c all m e u p anytim e." "T hat's M in ny J a ck so n a t L ak ew ood e ig ht- fo ur- fo ur- th re e-tw o. H ang o n, w hat's th at? " I g et a co okie a nd g iv e it to M ae M oble y, fe el n o th in g b ut d elig ht a t th e d evil in m e. I a m ly in g a nd I d on't even c are .

I te ll M is s C elia F oote , " S he s a y d on't te ll n o body b out h er tip o n M in ny, c ause a ll h er fr ie nd s w ant a hir e h er a nd th ey b e r e al u p se t if th ey fin d o ut s h e g iv e h er to s o m eb ody e ls e ." "I w on't te ll h er s e cre t if s h e w on't te ll m in e. I d on't w ant m y h usb and to k no w I 'm h ir in g a m aid ." Well, if th at a in 't p erfe ct th en I d on't k no w w hat is .

Soon a s w e h ang u p , I d ia l M in ny q uic k a s I c an. B ut ju st a s I d o, M is s L eefo lt w alk in th e d oor.

This a r e al p re d ic am ent, s e e. I g ave th is M is s C elia w om an M in ny's n um ber a t h o m e, b ut M in ny work in g to day c ause M is s W alt e r lo nely . S o w hen s h e c all, L ero y g o ne g iv e h er M is s W alt e r n um ber cause h e a fo ol. I f M is s W alt e r a nsw er th e p ho ne w hen M is s C elia c all, th en th e w ho le jig is u p .

Mis s W alt e r g o ne te ll th is w om an e verth in g M is s H illy b een s p re ad in g a ro und . I g o t to g et to M in ny or L ero y b efo re a ll th is h ap pen. Mis s L eefo lt h ead b ack to h er b ed ro om a nd , ju st lik e I fig ure d , th e fir s t th in g s h e d o is tie u p th e pho ne. F ir s t s h e c all M is s H illy . T hen s h e c all th e h air d re sse r. T hen s h e c all th e s to re a b out a wed din g p re se nt, ta lk in g, ta lk in g, ta lk in g. S oon a s s h e h ang u p , s h e c o m e o ut a nd a sk w hat th ey havin g fo r s u p per th is w eek . I p ull o ut th e n o te b ook a nd g o d ow n th e lis t. N o, s h e d on't w ant p ork cho ps. S he tr y in g to g et h er h usb and to r e d uce. S he w ant s k ille t s te ak a nd g re en s a la d . A nd h o w many c alo rie s d o I s p ec th em m erin gue th in gie s h ave? A nd d on't g iv e n o m ore c o okie s to M ae Moble y c ause s h e to o fa t a nd --a nd --a nd -- Law ! F or a w om an w ho a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e b ut d o th is a nd u se th at b ath ro om , a ll a s u d den s h e ta lk in g to m e lik e I 'm h er b est fr ie nd . M ae M oble y's d ancin g a h o t- fo ot jig tr y in g to g et h er m am a to no tic e h er. A nd ju st w hen M is s L eefo lt a b out to b end d ow n to p ay h er s o m e a tte ntio n, w ho ops!

Mis s L eefo lt r u n o ut th e d oor c ause s h e fo rg o t s h e g o t a e rra nd to r u n a nd a b lo om in g h o ur d one passe d a lr e ad y.

I c an't m ak e m y fin gers g o r o und th at d ia l fa st e no ugh.

"M in ny! I g o t a jo b lin ed u p . B ut y o u g o t to g et to th e p ho ne--" "S he a lr e ad y c all. " M in ny's v o ic e is fla t. " L ero y g iv e h er th e n um ber." "S o M is s W alt e r a nsw er it ," I s a y.

"D eaf a s d oo-d oo a nd a ll a s u d den it 's lik e a m ir a cle fr o m G od, s h e h ear th e p ho ne r in gin g. I 'm go in g in a nd o ut a th e k it c hen, n o t p ayin g a tte ntio n, b ut a t th e e nd I h ear m y n am e. T hen L ero y c all and I k no w th at's w hat it w as." M in ny s o und w ore o ut, a nd s h e th e k in d th at d on't e ver g et tir e d .

"W ell. M ayb e M is s W alt e r d id n't te ll h er th em lie s M is s H illy s ta rte d . Y ou n ever k no w ." B ut e ven I ain 't fo ol e no ugh to b elie ve th is .

"E ven if s h e d id n't , M is s W alt e rs k no w a ll a b out h o w I g o t b ack a t M is s H illy . Y ou d on't k no w a b out th e T errib le A w fu l T hin g I d id . I d on't e ver w ant y o u to k no w . I 'm s u re M is s W alt e rs te ll th is w om an I'm n o th in g s h o rt a th e d evil h is se lf ." H er v o ic e s o und e erie . L ik e s h e a r e co rd p la yer g o in g to o s lo w .

"I'm s o rry . I w is h I c o uld a c alle d y o u e arlie r s o y o u c o uld p ic k u p th at p ho ne." "Y ou d one w hat y o u c an. N oth in g n o body c an d o fo r m e n o w ." "I b e p ra yin g fo r y o u." "T hank y o u," s h e s a y, a nd th en h er v o ic e b re ak d ow n. " A nd I th ank y o u fo r tr y in g to h elp m e." We h ang u p a nd I g o to m oppin g. T he s o und a M in ny's v o ic e s c are m e.

She a lw ays b een a s tr o ng w om an, a lw ays fig htin g. A fte r T re elo re d ie d , s h e c arry s u p per o ver to m e ever n ig ht fo r th re e m onth s s tr a ig ht. A nd e ver d ay s h e s a y, " N uh-u h, y o u a in 't le avin g m e o n th is so rry e arth w it h o ut y o u," b ut I te ll y o u, I w as s u re e no ugh th in k in g a b out it .

I a lr e ad y h ad th e r o pe tie d w hen M in ny fo und it . T he c o il w as T re elo re 's , fr o m b ack w hen h e d oin g a s c ie nce p ro je ct w it h p ulle ys a nd r in gs. I d on't k no w if I 's g o ne u se it , k no w in g it 's a s in a gain st God, b ut I w asn 't in m y r ig ht m in d . M in ny, th o ugh, s h e d on't a sk n o q uestio ns a b out it , ju st p ull it o ut fr o m u nd er th e b ed , p ut it in th e c an, ta k e it to th e s tr e et. W hen s h e c o m e b ack in , s h e b ru sh h er hand s to geth er lik e s h e c le anin g th in gs u p a s u su al. S he a ll b usin ess, th at M in ny. B ut n o w , s h e s o und bad . I g o t a m in d to c heck u nd er h er b ed to nig ht.

I p ut d ow n th e b uck et a S unsh in e c le aner th em la d ie s is a lw ays s m ilin g a b out o n th e te e-v ee. I g o t to se t d ow n. M ae M oble y c o m e u p h o ld in g h er tu m my, s a y, " M ak e it n o t h urt." She la y h er fa ce o n m y le g. I s m ooth h er h air d ow n o ver a nd o ver till s h e p ra ctic ally p urrin g, fe elin g th e lo ve in m y h and . A nd I th in k a b out a ll m y fr ie nd s, w hat th ey d one fo r m e. W hat th ey d o e ver d ay fo r th e w hit e w om en th ey w ait in g o n. T hat p ain in M in ny's v o ic e. T re elo re d ead in th e g ro und . I lo ok dow n a t B ab y G ir l, w ho I k no w , d eep d ow n, I c an't k eep fr o m tu rn in g o ut lik e h er m am a. A nd a ll o f it to geth er r o ll o n to p a m e. I c lo se m y e yes, s a y th e L ord 's p ra yer to m yse lf . B ut it d on't m ak e m e fe el a ny b ette r.

Law h elp m e, b ut s o m eth in g's g o ne h ave to b e d one.

BA BY G ir l H ug O n M Y L EG S a ll a fte rn o on to w here I b out fa ll o ver a fe w tim es. I d on't m in d .

Mis s L eefo lt a in 't s a id n o th in g to m e o r M ae M oble y s in ce th is m orn in g. B een w ork in g s o b usy o n th at s e w in g m achin e in h er b ed ro om . T ry in g to c o ver u p s o m eth in g e ls e s h e d on't lik e th e lo ok o f in th e h o use .

Afte r w hile m e a nd M ae M oble y g o in th e r e gula r liv in g r o om . I g o t a lo ad a M is te r L eefo lt 's s h ir ts to ir o n a nd a fte r th is I 'm o n g et a p ot r o ast g o in g. I c le aned th e b ath ro om s a lr e ad y, g o t th e s h eets changed , th e r u gs v acuum ed . I a lw ays tr y to fin is h u p e arly s o m e a nd B ab y G ir l c an s e t to geth er and p la y.

Mis s L eefo lt c o m e in a nd w atc h m e ir o nin g. S he d o th at s o m etim es. F ro w n a nd lo ok. T hen s h e sm ile r e al q uic k w hen I g la nce u p . P at u p th e b ack a h er h air , tr y in g to m ak e it p uffy .

"A ib ile en, I h ave a s u rp ris e fo r y o u." She s m ilin g b ig n o w . S he d on't h ave n o te eth s h o w in g, ju st a lip s m ile , k in d y o u g o t to w atc h.

"M is te r L eefo lt a nd I h ave d ecid ed to b uild y o u y o ur v ery o w n b ath ro om ." S he c la p h er h and s to geth er, d ro p h er c hin a t m e. " It's r ig ht o ut th ere in th e g ara ge." "Y es m a'a m ." W here s h e th in k I b een a ll th is tim e?

"S o, fr o m n o w o n, in ste ad o f u sin g th e g uest b ath ro om , y o u c an u se y o ur o w n r ig ht o ut th ere . W on't th at b e n ic e?" "Y es m a'a m ." I k eep ir o nin g. T ee-v ee's o n a nd m y p ro gra m 's fix in g to s ta rt. S he k eep s ta nd in g th ere lo okin g a t m e th o ugh.

"S o y o u'll u se th at o ne o ut in th e g ara ge n o w , y o u u nd ers ta nd ?" I d on't lo ok a t h er. I 'm n o t tr y in g to m ak e n o tr o ub le , b ut s h e d one m ad e h er p oin t.

"D on't y o u w ant to g et s o m e tis su e a nd g o o n o ut th ere a nd u se it ? " "M is s L eefo lt , I d on't r e ally h ave to g o r ig ht th is s e co nd ." Mae M oble y p oin t a t m e fr o m th e p la yp en, s a y, " M ae M o ju ic e?" "I g et y o u s o m e ju ic e, b ab y," I s a y.

"O h." M is s L eefo lt lic k h er lip s a fe w tim es. " B ut w hen y o u d o, y o u'll g o o n b ack th ere a nd u se th at one n o w , I m ean... o nly th at o ne, r ig ht? " Mis s L eefo lt w ear a lo t a m ak eup , c re am y-lo okin g s tu ff, th ic k . T hat y ello w is h m ak eup 's s p re ad acro ss h er lip s to o, s o y o u c an b are ly te ll s h e e ven g o t a m outh . I s a y w hat I k no w s h e w ant to h ear:

"I u se m y c o lo re d b ath ro om fr o m n o w o n. A nd th en I g o o n a nd C lo ro x th e w hit e b ath ro om a gain re al g o od." "W ell, th ere 's n o h urry . A nytim e to day w ould b e fin e." But b y th e w ay s h e s ta nd in g th ere fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g, s h e r e ally m ean fo r m e to d o it r ig ht no w .

I p ut th e ir o n d ow n r e al s lo w , fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in m y c hest, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r T re elo re die d . M y fa ce g o es h o t, m y to ngue tw it c hy. I d on't k no w w hat to s a y to h er. A ll I k no w is , I a in 't sa yin g it . A nd I k no w s h e a in 't s a yin g w hat s h e w ant a s a y e it h er a nd it 's a s tr a nge th in g h ap penin g here c ause n o body s a yin g n o th in g a nd w e s till m anagin g to h ave u s a c o nvers a tio n.

MIN NY ch ap te r 3 S TA N DIN G O n th at w hit e la d y's b ack p orc h, I te ll m yse lf , Tuck it in , M in ny.

T uck in w hate ver m ig ht fly o ut m y m outh a nd tu ck in m y b ehin d to o. L ook lik e a m aid w ho d oes w hat s h e's to ld . T ru th i s , I 'm s o n erv o us r ig ht n o w , I 'd n ever b ack ta lk a gain if it m eant I 'd g et th is jo b.

I y ank m y h o se u p fr o m s a ggin g a ro und m y fe et- -th e tr o ub le o f a ll fa t, s h o rt w om en a ro und th e w orld . T hen I r e hears e w hat to s a y, w hat to k eep to m yse lf . I g o a head a nd p unch th e b ell.

T he d oorb ell r in gs a lo ng bin g-b ong , fin e a nd fa ncy fo r th is b ig m ansio n o ut in th e c o untr y . I t lo oks l ik e a c astle , g ra y b ric k r is in g h ig h in th e s k y a nd le ft a nd r ig ht to o. W oods s u rro und th e la w n o n e very s id e. I f th is p la ce w as in a s to ry b ook, th ere 'd b e w it c hes in th o se w oods. T he k in d th at e at k id s.

T he b ack d oor o pens a nd th ere s ta nd s M is s M arily n M onro e. O r s o m eth in g k in to h er.

" H ey th ere , y o u'r e r ig ht o n tim e. I 'm C elia . C elia R ae F oote ." T he w hit e la d y s tic k s h er h and o ut to m e a nd I s tu d y h er. S he m ig ht b e b uilt lik e M arily n, b ut s h e a in 't r e ad y fo r n o s c re en te st. S he's g o t flo ur in h er y ello w h air d o. F lo ur in h er g lu e-o n e yela sh es.

A nd flo ur a ll o ver th at ta ck y p in k p ants u it . H er s ta nd in g in a c lo ud o f d ust a nd th at p ants u it b ein g s o t ig ht, I w ond er h o w s h e c an b re ath e.

" Y es m a'a m . I 'm M in ny J a ck so n." I s m ooth d ow n m y w hit e u nif o rm in ste ad o f s h ak in g h er h and . I d on't w ant th at m ess o n m e. " Y ou c o okin g s o m eth in g?" " O ne o f th o se u p sid ed ow n c ak es fr o m th e m agazin e?" S he s ig hs. " It a in 't w ork in g o ut to o g o od." I fo llo w h er in sid e a nd th at's w hen I s e e M is s C elia R ae F oote 's s u ffe re d o nly a m in o r in ju ry in th e f lo ur fia sc o . T he r e st o f th e k it c hen to ok th e r e al h it . T he c o unte rto ps, th e d oub le -d oor r e fr ig era to r, t h e K it c hen-A id m ix er a re a ll s it tin g in a b out a q uarte r- in ch o f s n o w flo ur. I t's e no ugh m ess to d riv e m e c ra zy. I a in 't e ven g o t th e jo b y et, a nd I 'm a lr e ad y lo okin g o ver a t th e s in k fo r a s p onge.

M is s C elia s a ys, " I g uess I h ave s o m e le arn in g to d o." " Y ou s u re d o," I s a y. B ut I b it e d ow n h ard o n m y to ngue.

Don't y o u g o s a ssin g t h is w hit e la dy lik e y o u d one t h e o th er. S asse d h er a ll t h e w ay t o t h e n ursin g h om e.

B ut M is s C elia , s h e ju st s m ile s, w ash es th e m uck o ff h er h and s in a s in k fu ll o f d is h es. I w ond er if m ayb e I 'v e fo und m yse lf a no th er d eaf o ne, lik e M is s W alt e rs w as. L et's h o pe s o .

" I ju st c an't s e em to g et th e h ang o f k it c hen w ork ," s h e s a ys a nd e ven w it h M arily n's w his p ery H olly w ood v o ic e, I c an te ll r ig ht o ff, s h e's fr o m way o ut in th e c o untr y . I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny s h o es o n, lik e s o m e k in d o f w hit e tr a sh . N ic e w hit e la d ie s d on't g o a ro und b are fo ot.

S he's p ro bab ly te n o r fif te en y ears y o unger th an m e, tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e, a nd s h e's r e al p re tty , b ut w hy's s h e w earin g a ll th at g o o o n h er fa ce? I 'll b et s h e's g o t o n d oub le th e m ak eup th e o th er w hit e la d ie s w ear. S he's g o t a lo t m ore b oso m to h er, to o. I n fa ct, s h e's a lm ost a s b ig a s m e e xcep t sh e's s k in ny in a ll th o se p la ces I a in 't . I ju st h o pe s h e's a n e ate r. B ecause I 'm a c o oker a nd th at's why p eo ple h ir e m e.

"C an I g et y o u a c o ld d rin k ?" s h e a sk s. " S et d ow n a nd I 'll b rin g y o u s o m eth in g." And th at's m y c lu e: s o m eth in g fu nny's g o in g o n h ere .

"L ero y, s h e g o t to b e c ra zy," I s a id w hen s h e c alle d m e u p th re e d ays a go a nd a sk ed if I 'd c o m e in te rv ie w , " c ause e verb ody in to w n th in k I s to le M is s W alt e rs ' s ilv er. A nd I k no w s h e d o to o c ause sh e c all M is s W alt e rs u p o n th e p ho ne w hen I w as th ere ." "W hit e p eo ple s tr a nge," L ero y s a id . " W ho k no w s, m ayb e th at o ld w om an g iv e y o u a g o od w ord ." I lo ok a t M is s C elia R ae F oote h ard . I 'v e n ever in m y lif e h ad a w hit e w om an te ll m e to s it d ow n s o sh e c an s e rv e m e a c o ld d rin k . S ho ot, n o w I 'm w ond erin g if th is fo ol e ven p la ns o n h ir in g a m aid o r if s h e ju st d ru g m e a ll th e w ay o ut h ere fo r s p ort.

"M ayb e w e b ette r g o o n a nd s e e th e h o use fir s t, m a'a m ." She s m ile s lik e th e th o ught n ever e nte re d th at h air s p ra yed h ead o f h ers , le ttin g m e s e e th e h o use I mig ht b e c le anin g.

"O h, o f c o urs e . C om e o n in y o nd er, M axie . I 'll s h o w y o u th e fa ncy d in in g r o om fir s t." "T he n am e," I s a y, " is M in ny." Mayb e s h e's n o t d eaf o r c ra zy. M ayb e s h e's ju st s tu p id . A s h in y h o pe r is e s u p in m e a gain .

All o ver th at b ig o le d oodie d u p h o use s h e w alk s a nd ta lk s a nd I fo llo w . T here a re te n r o om s dow nsta ir s a nd o ne w it h a s tu ffe d g riz zly b ear th at lo oks lik e it a te u p th e la st m aid a nd is b id in g fo r th e n ext o ne. A b urn ed -u p C onfe d era te fla g is fr a m ed o n th e w all, a nd o n th e ta b le is a n o ld s ilv er pis to l w it h th e n am e " C onfe d era te G enera l J o hn F oote " e ngra ved o n it . I b et G re at- G ra nd ad dy Foote s c are d s o m e s la ves w it h th at th in g.

We m ove o n a nd it s ta rts to lo ok lik e a ny n ic e w hit e h o use . E xcep t th is o ne's th e b ig gest I 'v e e ver been in a nd fu ll o f d ir ty flo ors a nd d usty r u gs, th e k in d fo lk s w ho d on't k no w a ny b ette r w ould s a y is worn o ut, b ut I k no w a n a ntiq ue w hen I s e e o ne. I 'v e w ork ed in s o m e fin e h o m es. I ju st h o pe s h e ain 't s o c o untr y s h e d on't o w n a H oover.

"J o hnny's m am a w ould n't le t m e d eco ra te a th in g. I h ad m y w ay, th ere 'd b e w all- to -w all w hit e c arp et and g o ld tr im a nd n o ne o f th is o ld s tu ff." "W here y o ur p eo ple fr o m ?" I a sk h er.

"I'm fr o m . . . S ugar D it c h." H er v o ic e d ro ps d ow n a lit tle . S ugar D it c h is a s lo w a s y o u c an g o in Mis sis sip pi, m ayb e th e w ho le U nit e d S ta te s. I t's u p in T unic a C ounty , a lm ost to M em phis . I s a w pic tu re s in th e p ap er o ne tim e, s h o w in g th o se te nant s h ack s. E ven th e w hit e k id s lo oked lik e th ey had n't h ad a m eal fo r a w eek .

Mis s C elia tr ie s to s m ile , s a ys, " T his is m y fir s t tim e h ir in g a m aid ." "W ell y o u s u re n eed o ne." Now , M in ny -- "I w as r e al g la d to g et th e r e co m mend atio n fr o m M is su s W alt e rs . S he to ld m e a ll a b out y o u. S aid yo ur c o okin g is th e b est in to w n." That m ak es z e ro s e nse to m e. A fte r w hat I d id to M is s H illy , r ig ht in fr o nt o f M is s W alt e rs to s e e?

"S he s a y... a nyth in g e ls e a b out m e?" But M is s C elia 's a lr e ad y w alk in g u p a b ig c urv in g s ta ir c ase . I fo llo w h er u p sta ir s , to a lo ng h all w it h su n c o m in g th ro ugh th e w in d ow s. E ven th o ugh th ere a re tw o y ello w b ed ro om s fo r g ir ls a nd a b lu e one a nd a g re en o ne fo r b oys, it 's c le ar th ere a re n't a ny c hild re n liv in g h ere . J u st d ust.

"W e'v e g o t fiv e b ed ro om s a nd fiv e b ath ro om s o ver h ere in th e m ain h o use ." S he p oin ts o ut th e win d ow a nd I s e e a b ig b lu e s w im min g p ool, a nd b ehin d th at, anoth er h o use . M y h eart th um ps hard .

"A nd th en th ere 's th e p oolh o use o ut y o nd er," s h e s ig hs.

I'd ta k e a ny jo b I c an g et a t th is p oin t, b ut a b ig h o use lik e th is s h o uld p ay p le nty . A nd I d on't m in d bein g b usy. I a in 't a fr a id to w ork . " W hen y o u g o ne h ave y o u s o m e c hillu ns, s ta rt fillin g u p a ll th ese bed s? " I tr y to s m ile , lo ok fr ie nd ly .

"O h, w e'r e g o nna h ave s o m e k id s." S he c le ars h er th ro at, fid gets . " I m ean, k id s is th e o nly th in g worth liv in g fo r." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er fe et. A s e co nd p asse s b efo re s h e h ead s b ack to th e s ta ir s . I fo llo w b ehin d , n o tic in g h o w s h e h o ld s th e s ta ir r a il tig ht o n th e w ay d ow n, lik e s h e's a fr a id s h e m ig ht fa ll.

It's b ack in th e d in in g r o om th at M is s C elia s ta rts s h ak in g h er h ead . " It's a n a w fu l lo t to d o," s h e sa ys. " A ll th e b ed ro om s a nd th e flo ors . . ." "Y es m a'a m , it 's b ig ," I s a y, th in k in g if s h e s a w m y h o use w it h a c o t in th e h all a nd o ne to ile t fo r s ix behin d s, s h e'd p ro bab ly r u n. " B ut I g o t lo ts a e nerg y." ". . . a nd th en th ere 's a ll th is s ilv er to c le an." She o pens u p a s ilv er c lo se t th e s iz e o f m y liv in g r o om . S he fix es a c and le th at's tu rn ed fu nny o n th e cand ela b ra a nd I c an s e e w hy s h e's lo okin g s o d oub tfu l.

Afte r th e to w n g o t w ord o f M is s H illy 's lie s, th re e la d ie s in a r o w h ung u p o n m e th e m in ute I s a id my n am e. I r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e b lo w .

Say it , la dy. S ay w hat y o u t h in kin g a bout m e a nd y o ur silv er.

I fe el lik e c ry in g th in k in g a b out h o w th is jo b w ould s u it m e fin e a nd w hat M is s H illy 's d one to keep m e fr o m g ettin g it . I fix m y e yes o n th e w in d ow , h o pin g a nd p ra yin g th is is n 't w here th e in te rv ie w e nd s.

"I k no w , th o se w in d ow s a re a w fu l h ig h. I n ever tr ie d to c le an th em b efo re ." I le t m y b re ath g o . W in d ow s a re a h eck o f a lo t b ette r s u b je ct fo r m e th an s ilv er. " I a in 't a fr a id a n o win d ow s. I c le an M is s W alt e rs ' to p to b otto m e ver fo ur w eek s." "D id s h e h ave ju st th e o ne flo or o r a d oub le d eck er? " "W ell, o ne . . . b ut th ey's a lo t to it . O ld h o use s g o t a lo t a n o oks a nd c ra nnie s, y o u k no w ." Fin ally , w e g o b ack in th e k it c hen. W e b oth s ta re d ow n a t th e b re ak fa st ta b le , b ut n eit h er o ne o f u s sit s . I 'm g ettin g s o jit te ry w ond erin g w hat s h e's th in k in g, m y h ead s ta rts to s w eat.

"Y ou g o t a b ig , p re tty h o use ," I s a y. " A ll th e w ay o ut h ere in th e c o untr y . L ot a w ork to b e d one." She s ta rts fid dlin g w it h h er w ed din g r in g. " I g uess M is su s W alt e rs ' w as a lo t e asie r th an th is w ould be. I m ean, it 's ju st u s n o w , b ut w hen w e g et to h avin g k id s . . ." "Y ou, u h, g o t s o m e o th er m aid s y o u c o nsid erin g?" She s ig hs. " A b unch h ave c o m e o ut h ere . I ju st h aven't fo und ... th e r ig ht o ne y et." S he b it e s o n h er fin gern ails , s h if ts h er e yes a w ay.

I w ait fo r h er to s a y I 'm n o t th e r ig ht o ne e it h er, b ut w e ju st s ta nd th ere b re ath in g in th at flo ur. F in ally , I p la y m y la st c ard , w his p er it b ecause it 's a ll I g o t le ft.

"Y ou k no w , I o nly le ft M is s W alt e rs c ause s h e g o in g u p to th e r e st h o m e. S he d id n't fir e m e." But s h e ju st s ta re s d ow n a t h er b are fe et, b la ck -so le d b ecause h er flo ors h aven't b een s c ru b bed sin ce s h e m oved in th is b ig o ld d ir ty h o use . A nd it 's c le ar, th is la d y d oesn 't w ant m e.

"W ell, " s h e s a ys, " I a p pre cia te y o u d riv in g a ll th is w ay. C an I a t le ast g iv e y o u s o m e m oney fo r th e gas? " I p ic k u p m y p ock etb ook a nd th ru st it u p u nd er m y a rm pit . S he g iv es m e a c heery s m ile I c o uld wip e o ff w it h o ne s w at.

Dam n th at H illy H olb ro ok.

"N o m a'a m , n o , y o u c anno t." "I k new it w as g o nna b e a c ho re fin d in g s o m eo ne, b ut . . ." I s ta nd th ere lis te nin g to h er a ctin g a ll s o rry b ut I ju st th in k , Get it o ver w it h , la dy, s o I c a n t e ll Lero y w e g ot t o m ove a ll t h e w ay t o t h e N orth P ole n ex t t o S anty C la us w here n obody's h ea rd Hilly 's lie s a bout m e.

". . . a nd if I w ere y o u I w ould n't w ant to c le an th is b ig h o use e it h er." I lo ok a t h er s q uare o n. N ow th at's ju st e xcusin g h ers e lf a lit tle to o m uch, p re te nd in g M in ny a in 't gettin g th e jo b c ause M in ny d on't want th e jo b.

"W hen y o u h ear m e s a y I d on't w ant a c le an th is h o use ?" "It's a lr ig ht, fiv e m aid s h ave a lr e ad y to ld m e it 's to o m uch w ork ." I lo ok d ow n a t m y h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound , fiv e-fo ot- ze ro s e lf p ra ctic ally b ustin g o ut o f m y unif o rm . " T oo m uch fo r m e?" She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " Y ou . . . y o u'll d o it ? " "W hy y o u th in k I d ro ve a ll th e w ay o ut h ere to k in gd om c o m e, ju st to b urn g as? " I c la m p m y m outh sh ut.

Don't g o r u ir n in g t h is n ow , s h e o ffe rin g y o u a j a y-o -b ee.

" M is s C elia , I b e h ap py to w ork fo r y o u." She la ughs a nd th e c ra zy w om an g o es to h ug m e, b ut I s te p b ack a lit tle , le t h er k no w th at's n o t th e kin d o f th in g I d o.

"H ang o n n o w , w e g o t to ta lk a b out s o m e th in gs fir s t. Y ou g o t to te ll m e w hat d ays y o u w ant m e here a nd ... a nd th at k in d a th in g." Lik e h ow m uch y o u p ayin g.

"I g uess . . . w henever y o u fe el lik e c o m in g," s h e s a ys.

"F or M is s W alt e rs I w ork S und ay th ro ugh F rid ay." Mis s C elia c hew s s o m e m ore o n h er p in k p in k y-n ail. " Y ou c an't c o m e h ere o n w eek end s." "A lr ig ht." I n eed th e d ays, b ut m ayb e la te r o n s h e'll le t m e d o s o m e p arty s e rv in g o r w hatn o t.

"M ond ay th ro ugh F rid ay th en. N ow , w hat tim e y o u w ant m e h ere in th e m orn in g?" "W hat tim e d o y o u w ant to c o m e in ?" I'v e n ever h ad th is c ho ic e b efo re . I fe el m y e yes n arro w u p . " H ow b out e ig ht. T hat's w hen M is s Walt e rs u se d to g et m e in ." "A lr ig ht, e ig ht's r e al g o od." T hen s h e s ta nd s th ere lik e s h e's w ait in g fo r m y n ext c heck er m ove.

"N ow y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e w hat tim e I g o t to le ave." "W hat tim e?" a sk s C elia .

I r o ll m y e yes a t h er. " M is s C elia , y o u s u p pose d to te ll m e th at. T hat's th e w ay it w ork s." She s w allo w s, lik e s h e's tr y in g r e al h ard to g et th is d ow n. I ju st w ant to g et th ro ugh th is b efo re s h e changes h er m in d a b out m e.

"H ow b out fo ur o 'c lo ck ?" I s a y. " I w ork e ig ht to fo ur a nd I g ets s o m e tim e fo r lu nch o r w hat- h ave- yo u." "T hat's ju st fin e." "N ow . . . w e g o t to ta lk b out p ay," I s a y a nd m y to es s ta rt w rig glin g in m y s h o es. I t m ust n o t b e much if fiv e m aid s a lr e ad y s a id n o .

Neit h er o ne o f u s s a ys a nyth in g.

"N ow c o m e o n, M is s C elia . W hat y o ur h usb and s a y y o u c an p ay?" She lo oks o ff a t th e V eg-O -M atic I b et s h e c an't e ven u se a nd s a ys, " J o hnny d oesn 't k no w ." "A lr ig ht th en. A sk h im to nig ht w hat h e w ants to p ay." "N o, J o hnny d oesn 't k no w I 'm b rin gin g in h elp ." My c hin d ro ps d ow n to m y c hest. " W hat y o u m ean h e d on't k no w ?" "I a m not te llin g J o hnny." H er b lu e e yes a re b ig , lik e s h e's s c are d to d eath o f h im .

"A nd w hat's M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd fin d a c o lo re d w om an u p in h is k it c hen?" "I'm s o rry , I ju st c an't - -" "I'll te ll y o u w hat h e's g o ne d o, h e's g o ne g et th at p is to l a nd s h o ot M in ny d ead r ig ht h ere o n th is n o - wax flo or." Mis s C elia s h ak es h er h ead . " I'm n o t te llin g h im ." "T hen I g o t to g o ," I s a y.

Shit . I k new it . I k new s h e w as c ra zy w hen I w alk ed in t h e d oor -- "It's n o t th at I 'd b e fib bin g to h im . I ju st n eed a m aid --" "A c o urs e y o u n eed a m aid . L ast o ne d one g o t s h o t in th e h ead ." "H e n ever c o m es h o m e d urin g th e d ay. J u st d o th e h eavy c le anin g a nd te ach m e h o w to fix s u p per and it 'll o nly ta k e a fe w m onth s--" My n o se p ric k le s fr o m s o m eth in g b urn in g. I s e e a w aft o f s m oke c o m in g fr o m th e o ven. " A nd th en what, y o u g o ne fir e m e a fte r th em fe w m onth s? " "T hen I 'll . . . te ll h im ," s h e s a y b ut s h e's fr o w nin g a t th e th o ught. " P le ase , I w ant h im to th in k I c an do it o n m y o w n. I w ant h im to th in k I 'm . . . w orth th e tr o ub le ." "M is s C elia . . ." I s h ak e m y h ead , n o t b elie vin g I 'm a lr e ad y a rg uin g w it h th is la d y a nd I h aven't work ed h ere tw o m in ute s. " I th in k y o u d one b urn ed u p y o ur c ak e." She g ra b s a r a g a nd r u sh es to th e o ven a nd je rk s th e c ak e o ut. " O ww! D aw go n it ! " I s e t m y p ock etb ook d ow n, s id le h er o ut o f th e w ay. " Y ou c an't u se n o w et to w el o n a h o t p an." I g ra b a d ry r a g a nd ta k e th at b la ck c ak e o ut th e d oor, s e t it d ow n o n th e c o ncre te s te p .

Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n a t h er b urn ed h and . " M is su s W alt e rs s a id y o u w ere a r e al g o od c o ok." "T hat o ld w om an e at tw o b utte rb eans a nd s a y s h e fu ll. I c o uld n't g et h er to e at n o th in g." "H ow m uch w as s h e p ayin g y o u?" "D olla r a n h o ur," I s a y, fe elin g k in d o f a sh am ed . F iv e y ears a nd n o t e ven m in im um w age.

"T hen I 'll p ay y o u tw o." And I fe el a ll th e b re ath s lip o ut o f m e.

"W hen M is te r J o hnny g et o ut th e h o use in th e m orn in g?" I a sk , c le anin g u p th e b utte rs tic k m elt in g rig ht o n th e c o unte r, n o t e ven a p la te u nd er it .

"S ix . H e c an't s ta nd to d o-d ad a ro und h ere v ery lo ng. T hen h e h ead s b ack fr o m h is r e al e sta te o ffic e ab out fiv e." I d o s o m e fig urin g a nd e ven w it h th e fe w er h o urs it 'd b e m ore p ay. B ut I c an't g et p aid if I g et s h o t dead . " I'll le ave a t th re e th en. G iv e m yse lf tw o h o urs c o m in g a nd g o in g s o I c an s ta y o ut a h is w ay." "G ood." S he n o ds. " It's b est to b e s a fe ." On th e b ack s te p , M is s C elia d um ps th e c ak e in a p ap er s a ck . " I'll h ave to b ury th is in th e w aste b in so h e w on't k no w I 'v e b urn ed u p a no th er o ne." I ta k e th e b ag o ut o f h er h and s. " M is te r J o hnny a in 't s e ein g n o th in g. I 'll th ro w it o ut a t m y h o use ." "O h, th ank y o u." M is s C elia s h ak es h er h ead lik e th at's th e n ic est th in g a nyo ne's e ver d one fo r h er.

She h o ld s h er h and s in tig ht lit tle fis ts u nd er h er c hin . I w alk o ut to m y c ar.

I s it in th e s a ggin g s e at o f th e F ord L ero y's s till p ayin g h is b oss tw elv e d olla rs e very w eek fo r. R elie f hit s m e. I h ave fin ally g o tte n m yse lf a jo b. I d on't h ave to m ove to th e N orth P ole . W on't S anty Cla us b e d is a p poin te d .

"S IT D O W N O n Y O UR B EH IN D, M in ny, b ecause I 'm a b out to te ll y o u th e r u le s fo r w ork in g in a Whit e L ad y's h o use ." I w as fo urte en y ears o ld to th e d ay. I s a t a t th e lit tle w ooden ta b le in m y m am a's k it c hen e yein g th at cara m el c ak e o n th e c o olin g r a ck , w ait in g to b e ic ed . B ir th d ays w ere th e o nly d ay o f th e y ear I w as allo w ed to e at a s m uch a s I w ante d .

I w as a b out to q uit s c ho ol a nd s ta rt m y fir s t r e al jo b. M am a w ante d m e to s ta y o n a nd g o to n in th gra d e--sh e'd a lw ays w ante d to b e a s c ho olt e acher in ste ad o f w ork in g in M is s W oodra 's h o use . B ut wit h m y s is te r's h eart p ro ble m a nd m y n o -g o od d ru nk d ad dy, it w as u p to m e a nd M am a. I a lr e ad y knew a b out h o use w ork . A fte r s c ho ol, I d id m ost o f th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g. B ut if I w as g o in g off to w ork in s o m eb ody e ls e 's h o use , w ho 'd b e lo okin g a fte r o urs ?

Mam a tu rn ed m e b y th e s h o uld ers s o I 'd lo ok a t h er in ste ad o f th e c ak e. M am a w as a c ra ck -w hip . She w as p ro per. S he to ok n o th in g fr o m n o body. S he s h o ok h er fin ger s o c lo se to m y fa ce, it m ad e me c ro ss-e yed .

"R ule N um ber O ne fo r w ork in g fo r a w hit e la d y, M in ny: it is n o body's b usin ess. Y ou k eep y o ur n o se out o f y o ur W hit e L ad y's p ro ble m s, y o u d on't g o c ry in g to h er w it h y o urs --y o u c an't p ay th e lig ht bill? Y our fe et a re to o s o re ? R em em ber o ne th in g: w hit e p eo ple a re n o t y o ur fr ie nd s. T hey d on't want to h ear a b out it . A nd w hen M is s W hit e L ad y c atc hes h er m an w it h th e la d y n ext d oor, y o u keep o ut o f it , y o u h ear m e?

"R ule N um ber T w o: d on't y o u ev er le t th at W hit e L ad y fin d y o u s it tin g o n h er to ile t. I d on't c are if yo u'v e g o t to g o s o b ad it 's c o m in g o ut o f y o ur h air b ra id s. I f th ere 's n o t o ne o ut b ack fo r th e h elp , yo u fin d y o urs e lf a tim e w hen s h e's n o t th ere in a b ath ro om s h e d oesn 't u se .

"R ule N um ber T hre e--" M am a je rk ed m y c hin b ack a ro und to fa ce h er b ecause th at c ak e h ad lu re d me in a gain . " R ule N um ber T hre e: w hen y o u'r e c o okin g w hit e p eo ple 's fo od, y o u ta ste it w it h a dif fe re nt s p oon. Y ou p ut th at s p oon to y o ur m outh , th in k n o body's lo okin g, p ut it b ack in th e p ot, mig ht a s w ell th ro w it o ut.

"R ule N um ber F our: Y ou u se th e s a m e c up , s a m e fo rk , s a m e p la te e very d ay. K eep it in a s e p ara te cup board a nd te ll th at w hit e w om an th at's th e o ne y o u'll u se fr o m h ere o n o ut.

"R ule N um ber F iv e: y o u e at in th e k it c hen.

"R ule N um ber S ix : y o u d on't h it o n h er c hild re n. W hit e p eo ple lik e to d o th eir o w n s p ank in g." "R ule N um ber S even: th is is th e la st o ne, M in ny. A re y o u lis te nin g to m e? N o s a ss-m outh in g." "M am a, I k no w h o w --" "O h, I h ear y o u w hen y o u th in k I c an't , m utte rin g a b out h avin g to c le an th e s to vep ip e, a b out th e la st lit tle p ie ce o f c hic k en le ft fo r p oor M in ny. Y ou s a ss a w hit e w om an in th e m orn in g, y o u'll b e s a ssin g out o n th e s tr e et in th e a fte rn o on." I s a w th e w ay m y m am a a cte d w hen M is s W oodra b ro ught h er h o m e, a ll Y es M a'a m in g, N o Ma'a m in g, I s u re d o th ank y o u M a'a m in g.

Why I g ot t o b e lik e t h at? I k now h ow t o s ta nd u p t o peo ple .

"N ow c o m e h ere a nd g iv e y o ur m am a a h ug o n y o ur b ir th d ay--L ord , y o u a re h eavy a s a h o use , Min ny." "I a in 't e ate n a ll d ay, w hen c an I h ave m y c ak e?" "D on't s a y a in 't , y o u s p eak p ro perly n o w . I d id n't r a is e y o u to ta lk lik e a m ule ." Fir s t d ay a t m y W hit e L ad y's h o use , I a te m y h am s a nd w ic h in th e k it c hen, p ut m y p la te u p in m y sp ot in th e c up board . W hen th at lit tle b ra t s to le m y p ock etb ook a nd h id it in th e o ven, I d id n't who op h er o n th e b ehin d .

But w hen th e W hit e L ad y s a id : " N ow I w ant y o u to b e s u re a nd h and w ash a ll th e c lo th es fir s t, th en put th em in th e e le ctr ic m achin e to fin is h u p ." I s a id : " W hy I g o t to h and w ash w hen th e p ow er w ash er g o ne d o th e jo b? T hat's th e b ig gest w aste a tim e I e ver h eard o f." That W hit e L ad y s m ile d a t m e, a nd fiv e m in ute s la te r, I w as o ut o n th e s tr e et.

WORK IN G F O R M is s C ELIA , I 'll g et to s e e m y k id s o ff to S pann E le m enta ry in th e m orn in g a nd still g et h o m e in th e e venin g w it h tim e to m yse lf . I h aven't h ad a n ap s in ce K in d ra w as b orn in 1 957, but w it h th ese h o urs --e ig ht to th re e--I c o uld h ave o ne e very d ay if th at w as m y id ea o f a fin e tim e.

Sin ce n o b us g o es a ll th e w ay o ut to M is s C elia 's , I h ave to ta k e L ero y's c ar.

"Y ou a in 't ta k in g m y c ar e very d ay, w om an, w hat if I g et th e d ay s h if t a nd n eed to --" "S he p ayin g m e s e venty d olla rs c ash e very F rid ay, L ero y." "M ayb e I ta k e S ugar's b ik e." On T uesd ay, th e d ay a fte r th e in te rv ie w , I p ark th e c ar d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m M is s C elia 's h o use , aro und a c urv e s o y o u c an't s e e it . I w alk fa st o n th e e m pty r o ad a nd u p th e d riv e. N o o th er c ars co m e b y.

"I'm h ere , M is s C elia ." I s tic k m y h ead in h er b ed ro om th at fir s t m orn in g a nd th ere s h e is , p ro pped up o n th e c o vers w it h h er m ak eup p erfe ct a nd h er tig ht F rid ay-n ig ht c lo th es o n e ven th o ugh it 's Tuesd ay, r e ad in g th e tr a sh in th e Holly w ood D ig est lik e it 's th e H oly B .

"G ood m orn in g, M in ny! I t's r e al g o od to s e e y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd I b ris tle , h earin g a w hit e la d y b ein g so fr ie nd ly .

I lo ok a ro und th e b ed ro om , s iz in g u p th e jo b. I t's b ig , w it h c re am -c o lo re d c arp et, a y ello w k in g cano py b ed , tw o fa t y ello w c hair s . A nd it 's n eat, w it h n o c lo th es o n th e flo or. T he s p re ad 's m ad e u p und ern eath h er. T he b la nk et o n th e c hair 's fo ld ed n ic e. B ut I w atc h, I lo ok. I c an fe el it . S om eth in g's wro ng.

"W hen c an w e g et to o ur fir s t c o okin g le sso n?" s h e a sk s. " C an w e s ta rt to day?" "I r e ck on in a fe w d ays, a fte r y o u g o to th e s to re a nd p ic k u p w hat w e n eed ." She th in k s a b out th is a s e co nd , s a ys, " M ayb e y o u o ught to g o , M in ny, s in ce y o u k no w w hat to b uy and a ll. " I lo ok a t h er. M ost w hit e w om en lik e to d o th eir o w n s h o ppin g. " A lr ig ht, I g o in th e m orn in g, th en." I s p ot a s m all p in k s h ag r u g s h e's p ut o n to p o f th e c arp et n ext to th e b ath ro om d oor. K in d o f c atty - co rn ere d . I 'm n o d eco ra to r, b ut I k no w a p in k r u g d oesn 't m atc h a y ello w r o om .

"M is s C elia , fo re I g et g o in g h ere , I n eed to k no w . E xactly w hen y o u p la nnin g o n te llin g M is te r Jo hnny b out m e?" She e yes th e m agazin e in h er la p . " In a fe w m onth s, I r e ck on. I o ught to k no w h o w to c o ok a nd s tu ff by th en." "B y a fe w , is y o u m eanin g tw o?" She b it e s h er lip stic k y lip s. " I w as th in k in g m ore lik e . . . fo ur." Say w hat?

I 'm n o t w ork in g fo ur m onth s lik e a n e sc ap ed c rim in al. " Y ou a in 't g o ne te ll h im till 1 963?

No m a'a m , befo re C hris tm as." She s ig hs. " A lr ig ht. B ut r ig ht b efo re ." I d o s o m e fig urin g. " T hat's a h und re d a nd . . . s ix te en d ays th en. Y ou g o ne te ll h im . A h und re d a nd six te en d ays fr o m n o w ." She g iv es m e a w orrie d fr o w n. I g uess s h e d id n't e xp ect th e m aid to b e s o g o od a t m ath . F in ally s h e sa ys, " O kay." Then I te ll h er s h e n eed s to g o o n in th e liv in g r o om , le t m e d o m y w ork in h ere . W hen s h e's g o ne, I eyeb all th e r o om , a t h o w n eat it a ll lo oks. R eal s lo w , I o pen h er c lo se t a nd ju st lik e I th o ught, fo rty - fiv e th in gs fa ll d ow n o n m y h ead . T hen I lo ok u nd er th e b ed a nd fin d e no ugh d ir ty c lo th es to w here I bet s h e's h asn 't w ash ed in m onth s.

Every d ra w er is a w re ck , e very h id den c ra nny fu ll o f d ir ty c lo th es a nd w ad ded -u p s to ck in gs. I fin d fif te en b oxes o f n ew s h ir ts fo r M is te r J o hnny s o h e w on't k no w s h e c an't w ash a nd ir o n. F in ally , I lif t up th at fu nny-lo okin g p in k s h ag r u g. U nd ern eath , th ere 's a b ig , d eep s ta in th e c o lo r o f r u st. I sh ud der.

TH AT A FTER N OON, M is s C elia a nd I m ak e a lis t o f w hat to c o ok th at w eek , a nd th e n ext morn in g I d o th e g ro cery s h o ppin g. B ut it ta k es m e tw ic e a s lo ng b ecause I h ave to d riv e a ll th e w ay to th e w hit e J it n ey J u ngle in to w n in ste ad o f th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly b y m e s in ce I fig ure s h e w on't eat fo od fr o m a c o lo re d g ro cery s to re a nd I r e ck on I d on't b la m e h er, w it h th e p ota to es h avin g in ch- lo ng e yes a nd th e m ilk a lm ost s o ur. W hen I g et to w ork , I 'm r e ad y to fig ht w it h h er o ver a ll th e re aso ns I 'm la te , b ut th ere M is s C elia is o n th e b ed lik e b efo re , s m ilin g lik e it d oesn 't m atte r. A ll dre sse d u p a nd g o in g n o w here . F or fiv e h o urs s h e s it s th ere , r e ad in g th e m agazin es. T he o nly tim e I se e h er g et u p is fo r a g la ss o f m ilk o r to p ee. B ut I d on't a sk . I 'm ju st th e m aid .

Afte r I c le an th e k it c hen, I g o in th e fo rm al liv in g r o om . I s to p in th e d oorw ay a nd g iv e th at g riz zly bear a g o od lo ng s ta re . H e's s e ven fe et ta ll a nd b arin g h is te eth . H is c la w s a re lo ng, c urle d , w it c hy- lo okin g. A t h is fe et la ys a b one-h and le d h untin g k nif e . I g et c lo se r a nd s e e h is fu r's n ap py w it h d ust.

There 's a c o bw eb b etw een h is ja w s.

Fir s t, I s w at a t th e d ust w it h m y b ro om , b ut it 's th ic k , m atte d u p in h is fu r. A ll th is d oes is m ove th e dust a ro und . S o I ta k e a c lo th a nd tr y a nd w ip e h im d ow n, b ut I s q uaw k e very tim e th at w ir y h air to uches m y h and .

Whit e p eo ple . I m ean, I h ave c le aned e very th in g fr o m r e fr ig era to rs to r e ar e nd s but w hat m ak es th at la d y th in k I k no w h o w to c le an a d am n g riz zly b ear?

I g o g et th e H oover. I s u ck th e d ir t o ff a nd e xcep t fo r a fe w s p ots w here I s u ck ed to o h ard a nd th in ned h im , I th in k it w ork ed o ut p re tty g o od.

Afte r I 'm d one w it h th e b ear, I d ust th e fa ncy b ooks n o body r e ad s, th e C onfe d era te c o at b utto ns, th e s ilv er p is to l. O n a ta b le is a g o ld p ic tu re fr a m e o f M is s C elia a nd M is te r J o hnny a t th e a lt a r a nd I lo ok c lo se to s e e w hat k in d o f m an h e is . I 'm h o pin g h e's fa t a nd s h o rt- le gged in c ase it c o m es to ru nnin g, b ut h e's n o t a nyw here c lo se . H e's s tr o ng, ta ll, th ic k . A nd h e's n o s tr a nger e it h er. L ord . H e's th e o ne w ho w ent s te ad y w it h M is s H illy a ll th o se y ears w hen I fir s t w ork ed fo r M is s W alt e rs . I never m et h im , b ut I s a w h im e no ugh tim es to b e s u re . I s h iv er, m y fe ars tr ip lin g. B ecause th at a lo ne sa ys m ore a b out th at m an th an a nyth in g.

AT O NE O 'C LO CK , M is s C elia c o m es in th e k it c hen a nd s a ys s h e's r e ad y fo r h er fir s t c o okin g le sso n. S he s e ttle s o n a s to ol. S he's w earin g a tig ht r e d s w eate r a nd a r e d s k ir t a nd e no ugh m ak eup to s c are a h o oker.

"W hat y o u k no w h o w to c o ok a lr e ad y?" I a sk .

She th in k s th is o ver, w rin k lin g h er fo re head . " M ayb e w e c o uld ju st s ta rt a t th e b egin nin g." "M ust b e s o m eth in g y o u k no w . W hat y o ur m am a te ach y o u g ro w in g u p ?" She lo oks d ow n a t th e w eb by fe et o f h er p anty h o se , s a ys, " I c an c o ok c o rn p one." I c an't h elp b ut la ugh. " W hat e ls e y o u k no w h o w to d o s id es c o rn p one?" "I c an b oil p ota to es." H er v o ic e d ro ps e ven q uie te r. " A nd I c an d o g rit s . W e d id n't h ave e le ctr ic curre nt o ut w here I liv ed . B ut I 'm r e ad y to le arn r ig ht. O n a r e al s to veto p." Lord . I 'v e n ever m et a w hit e p ers o n w ors e o ff th an m e e xcep t fo r c ra zy M is te r W ally , liv es b ehin d th e C anto n fe ed s to re a nd e ats th e c at fo od.

"Y ou b een fe ed in g y o ur h usb and g rit s a nd c o rn p one e ver d ay?" Mis s C elia n o ds. " B ut y o u'll te ach m e to c o ok r ig ht, w on't y o u?" "I'll tr y ," I s a y, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever to ld a w hit e w om an w hat to d o a nd I d on't r e ally k no w h o w to sta rt. I p ull u p m y h o se , th in k a b out it . F in ally , I p oin t to th e c an o n th e c o unte r.

"I r e ck on if th ere 's a nyth in g y o u o ught a k no w a b out c o okin g, it 's th is ." "T hat's ju st la rd , a in 't it ? " "N o, it a in 't ju st la rd ," I s a y. " It's th e m ost im porta nt in ventio n in th e k it c hen s in ce ja rre d mayo nnais e ." "W hat's s o s p ecia l a b out" - -sh e w rin k le s h er n o se a t it - -"p ig fa t? " "A in 't pig , it 's v egeta b le ." W ho in th is w orld d oesn 't k no w w hat C ris c o is ? " Y ou d on't h ave a c lu e o f all th e th in gs y o u c an d o w it h th is h ere c an." She s h ru gs. " F ry ?" "A in 't ju st fo r fr y in g. Y ou e ver g et a s tic k y s o m eth in g s tu ck in y o ur h air , lik e g um ?" I ja ck ham mer m y fin ger o n th e C ris c o c an. " T hat's r ig ht, C ris c o . S pre ad th is o n a b ab y's b otto m , y o u w on't e ven kno w w hat d ia p er r a sh is ." I p lo p th re e s c o ops in th e b la ck s k ille t. " S ho ot, I s e en la d ie s r u b it u nd er th ey e yes a nd o n th ey h usb and 's s c aly fe et." "L ook h o w p re tty it is ," s h e s a ys. " L ik e w hit e c ak e fr o stin g." "C le an th e g o o fr o m a p ric e ta g, ta k e th e s q ueak o ut a d oor h in ge. L ig hts g et c ut o ff, s tic k a w ic k in it a nd b urn it lik e a c and le ." I tu rn o n th e fla m e a nd w e w atc h it m elt d ow n in th e p an. " A nd a fte r a ll th at, it 'll s till fr y y o ur chic k en." "A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys, c o ncentr a tin g h ard . " W hat's n ext? " "C hic k en's b een s o ak in g in th e b utte rm ilk ," I s a y. " N ow m ix u p th e d ry ." I p our flo ur, s a lt , m ore s a lt , pep per, p ap rik a, a nd a p in ch o f c ayenne in to a d oub le d p ap er s a ck .

"N ow . P ut th e c hic k en p arts in th e b ag a nd s h ak e it ." Mis s C elia p uts a r a w c hic k en th ig h in , b um ps th e b ag a ro und . " L ik e th is ? J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n Bak e c o m merc ia ls o n th e te e-v ee?" "Y eah," I s a y a nd r u n m y to ngue u p o ver m y te eth b ecause if th at's n o t a n in su lt , I d on't k no w w hat is . " J u st lik e th e S hak e 'n B ak e." B ut th en I fr e eze . I h ear th e s o und o f a c ar m oto r o ut o n th e r o ad . I ho ld s till a nd lis te n. I s e e M is s C elia 's e yes a re b ig a nd s h e's lis te nin g to o. W e'r e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: W hat if it 's h im a nd w here w ill I h id e?

The c ar m oto r p asse s. W e b oth b re ath e a gain .

"M is s C elia ," I g rit m y te eth , " h o w c o m e y o u c an't te ll y o ur h usb and a b out m e? A in 't h e g o ne k no w when th e c o okin g g ets g o od?" "O h, I d id n't th in k o f th at! M ayb e w e o ught to b urn th e c hic k en a lit tle ." I lo ok a t h er s id ew ays. I a in 't b urn in g n o c hic k en. S he d id n't a nsw er th e r e al q uestio n, b ut I 'll g et it out o f h er s o on e no ugh.

Real c are fu l, I la y th e d ark m eat in th e p an. I t b ub ble s u p lik e a s o ng a nd w e w atc h th e th ig hs a nd le gs tu rn b ro w n. I lo ok o ver a nd M is s C elia 's s m ilin g a t m e.

"W hat? S om eth in g o n m y fa ce?" "N o," s h e s a ys, te ars c o m in g u p in h er e yes. S he to uches m y a rm . " I'm ju st r e al g ra te fu l y o u'r e h ere ." I m ove m y a rm b ack fr o m u nd er h er h and . " M is s C elia , y o u g o t a lo t m ore to b e g ra te fu l fo r th an me." "I k no w ." S he lo oks a t h er fa ncy k it c hen lik e it 's s o m eth in g th at ta ste s b ad . " I n ever d re am ed I 'd have th is m uch." "W ell, a in 't y o u lu ck y." "I'v e n ever b een h ap pie r in m y w ho le lif e ." I le ave it a t th at. U nd ern eath a ll th at h ap py, s h e s u re d oesn 't lo ok h ap py.

TH AT N IG HT, I c all A IB IL EEN .

"M is s H illy w as a t M is s L eefo lt 's y este rd ay," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a sk if a nyb ody k new w here y o u was w ork in g." "L ord y, s h e fin d m e o ut th ere , s h e r u ir n it fo r s u re ." I t's b een tw o w eek s s in ce th e T errib le A w fu l Thin g I d id to th at w om an. I k no w s h e'd ju st lo ve to s e e m e fir e d o n th e s p ot.

"W hat L ero y s a y w hen y o u to ld h im y o u g o t th e jo b?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"S ho ot. H e s tr u t a ro und th e k it c hen lik e a p lu m ed r o oste r c ause h e in fr o nt a th e k id s," I s a y. " A ct lik e h e th e o nly o ne s u p portin g th e fa m ily a nd I 'm ju st d oin g th is to k eep m y p oor s e lf e nte rta in ed .

Late r o n th o ugh, w e in b ed a nd I th o ught m y b ig o ld b ull fo r a h usb and g o ne c ry ." Aib ile en la ughs. " L ero y g o t a lo t a p rid e." "Y eah, I ju st g o t to m ak e s u re M is te r J o hnny d on't c atc h u p w it h m e." "A nd s h e a in 't to ld y o u w hy s h e d on't w ant h im to k no w ?" "A ll s h e s a y is s h e w ant h im to th in k s h e c an d o th e c o okin g a nd th e c le anin g h ers e lf . B ut th at a in 't why. S he h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im ." "A in 't it fu nny h o w th is w ork ed o ut. M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body, e ls e it 'll g et b ack to M is te r J o hnny.

So M is s H illy w on't fin d o ut, c ause M is s C elia c an't te ll n o body. Y ou c o uld n't a fix ed it u p b ette r yo urs e lf ." "M m-h m m" is a ll I s a y. I d on't w ant to s o und u ngra te fu l, s in ce A ib ile en's th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut I c an't h elp b ut th in k th at I 'v e ju st d oub le d m y tr o ub le , w hat w it h M is s H illy a nd n o w M is te r Jo hnny to o.

"M in ny, I b een m eanin g to a sk y o u." A ib ile en c le ars h er th ro at. " Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " "T all o ne, u se d to c o m e o ver to M is s W alt e rs fo r b rid ge?" "Y eah, w hat y o u th in k a b out h er? " "I d on't k no w , s h e w hit e ju st lik e th e r e st o f e m . W hy? W hat s h e s a y a b out m e?" "N oth in g a b out y o u," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he ju st . . . a fe w w eek s a go , I d on't k no w w hy I k eep th in k in g a b out it . S he a sk m e s o m eth in g. A sk d o I w ant to c hange th in gs. W hit e w om an n ever ask ed --" But th en L ero y s tu m ble s in fr o m th e b ed ro om w antin g h is c o ffe e b efo re h is la te s h if t.

"S ho ot, h e's u p ," I s a y. " T alk q uic k ." "N aw , n ever m in d . I t's n o th in g," A ib ile en s a ys.

"W hat? W hat's g o in g o n? W hat th at la d y te ll y o u?" "It w as ju st ja b ber. I t w as n o nse nse ." ch ap te r 4 M Y F IR ST W EEK a t M is s C elia 's , I s c ru b th e h o use u ntil th ere is n 't a d ust r a g o r a s tr ip ped s h eet o r e ven a r u n p anty h o se le ft to w ip e w it h . S eco nd w eek , I s c ru b th e h o use a gain b ecause it 's lik e t h e d ir t g re w b ack . T hir d w eek , I a m s a tis fie d a nd s e ttle in m y w ays.

E very d ay, M is s C elia lo oks lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve I 'v e c o m e b ack to w ork . I 'm th e o nly th in g t h at in te rru p ts a ll th at q uie t a ro und h er. M y h o use is a lw ays fu ll o f fiv e k id s a nd n eig hb ors a nd a h usb and . M ost d ays w hen I c o m e in to M is s C elia 's , I a m g ra te fu l fo r th e p eace.

M y h o use k eep in g ta sk s fa ll o n th e s a m e d ay fo r e very jo b I ta k e: o n M ond ay, I o il u p th e fu rn it u re .

T uesd ay, I w ash a nd ir o n th e d am n s h eets , th e d ay I h ate . W ed nesd ay is fo r s c ru b bin g th e b ath tu b r e al g o od e ven th o ugh I w ip e it d ow n e very m orn in g. T hurs d ay is fo r p olis h in g flo ors a nd s u ck in g r u gs, m in d in g th e a ntiq ue o nes w it h a h and b ro om s o th ey d on't th re ad . F rid ay is h eavy c o okin g fo r t h e w eek end a nd w hat- h ave-y o u. A nd e very d ay is m oppin g, w ash in g c lo th es a nd ir o nin g s h ir ts s o t h ey d on't g o g ettin g o ut o f h and , a nd g enera lly k eep in g th in gs c le an. S ilv er a nd w in d ow s, th ey'r e a s n eed ed . S in ce th ere a re n't a ny k id s to lo ok a fte r, th ere 's a m ple tim e le ft fo r M is s C elia 's s o -c alle d c o okin g le sso n.

M is s C elia n ever d oes a ny e nte rta in in g, s o w e ju st fix w hate ver s h e a nd M is te r J o hnny a re h avin g fo r s u p per: p ork c ho ps, fr ie d c hic k en, r o ast b eef, c hic k en p ie , la m b r a ck , b ak ed h am , fr ie d to m ato es, m ash ed p ota to es, p lu s th e v egeta b le s. O r a t le ast I c o ok a nd M is s C elia fid gets , lo okin g m ore lik e a f iv e-y ear- o ld th an th e r ic h la d y p ayin g m y r e nt. W hen th e le sso n's o ver, s h e r u sh es b ack to la yin g d ow n. I n fa ct, th e o nly tim e M is s C elia w alk s te n fe et is to c o m e in th e k it c hen fo r h er le sso n o r to s n eak u p sta ir s e very tw o o r th re e d ays, u p in th e c re ep y r o om s.

I d on't k no w w hat s h e d oes fo r fiv e m in ute s o n th e s e co nd flo or. I d on't lik e it u p th ere th o ugh.

T ho se b ed ro om s s h o uld b e s ta ck ed fu ll o f k id s la ughin g a nd h o lle rin g a nd p oopin g u p th e p la ce. B ut i t 's n o ne o f m y b usin ess w hat M is s C elia d oes w it h h er d ay, a nd a sk m e, I 'm g la d s h e's s ta yin g o ut o f m y w ay. I 'v e fo llo w ed la d ie s a ro und w it h a b ro om in o ne h and a nd a tr a sh c an in th e o th er tr y in g to k eep u p w it h th eir m ess. A s lo ng a s s h e s ta ys in th at b ed , th en I 'v e g o t a jo b. E ven th o ugh s h e h as z e ro k id s a nd n o th in g to d o a ll d ay, s h e is th e la zie st w om an I 'v e e ver s e en.

In clu din g m y s is te r D ore ena w ho n ever lif te d a r o yal fin ger g ro w in g u p b ecause s h e h ad th e h eart d efe ct th at w e la te r f o und o ut w as a fly o n th e X -ra y m achin e.

A nd it 's n o t ju st th e b ed . M is s C elia w on't le ave th e house e xcep t to g et h er h air fr o ste d a nd h er e nd s tr im med . S o fa r, th at's o nly h ap pened o nce in th e th re e w eek s I 'v e b een w ork in g. T hir ty -six y ears o ld a nd I c an s till h ear m y m am a te llin g m e, It a in 't n obody's b usin ess.

B ut I w ant to k no w w hat th at la d y's s o s c are d o f o uts id e th is p la ce.

E V ERY P A Y DAY, I g iv e M is s C elia th e c o unt. " N in ety -n in e m ore d ays till y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny b out m e." "G olly , th e tim e's g o in g b y q uic k ," s h e'll s a y w it h k in d o f a s ic k lo ok.

"C at g o t o n th e p orc h th is m orn in g, b out g iv e m e a c ad illa c a rre st th in k in g it w as M is te r J o hnny." Lik e m e, M is s C elia g ets a lit tle m ore n erv o us th e c lo se r w e g et to th e d ead lin e. I d on't k no w w hat th at m an w ill d o w hen s h e te lls h im . M ayb e h e'll te ll h er to fir e m e.

"I h o pe th at's e no ugh tim e, M in ny. D o y o u th in k I 'm g ettin g a ny b ette r a t c o okin g?" s h e s a ys, a nd I lo ok a t h er. S he's g o t a p re tty s m ile , w hit e s tr a ig ht te eth , b ut s h e is th e w ors t c o ok I h ave e ver s e en.

So I b ack u p a nd te ach h er th e s im ple st th in gs b ecause I w ant h er to le arn a nd le arn it fa st. S ee, I need h er to e xp la in to h er h usb and w hy a h und re d -a nd -six ty -fiv e-p ound N egro w om an h as k eys to his h o use . I n eed h im to k no w w hy I h ave h is s te rlin g s ilv er a nd M is s C elia 's z illio n-k ara t r u b y earrin gs in m y h and e very d ay. I need h im to k no w th is b efo re h e w alk s in o ne fin e d ay a nd c alls th e polic e. O r s a ves a d im e a nd ta k es c are o f b usin ess h im se lf .

"G et th e h am h o ck o ut, m ak e s u re y o u g o t e no ugh w ate r in th ere , th at's r ig ht. N ow tu rn u p th e fla m e. S ee th at lit tle b ub ble th ere , th at m eans th e w ate r's h ap py." Mis s C elia s ta re s d ow n in to th e p ot lik e s h e's lo okin g fo r h er fu tu re . " A re y o u h ap py, M in ny?" "W hy y o u a sk m e fu nny q uestio ns lik e th at? " "B ut a re y o u?" "C ours e I 's h ap py. Y ou h ap py to o. B ig h o use , b ig y ard , h usb and lo okin g a fte r y o u." I fr o w n a t M is s Celia a nd I m ak e s u re s h e c an s e e it . B ecause a in 't th at w hit e p eo ple fo r y o u, w ond erin g if th ey a re hap py en ough .

And w hen M is s C elia b urn s th e b eans, I tr y a nd u se s o m e o f th at s e lf - c o ntr o l m y m am a s w ore I w as born w it h o ut. " A lr ig ht," I s a y th ro ugh m y te eth , " w e'll d o a no th er b atc h fo re M is te r J o hnny g et ho m e." Any o th er w om an I 'v e w ork ed fo r, I w ould 'v e lo ved to h ave h ad ju st o ne h o ur o f b ossin g th em aro und , s e e h o w th ey lik e it . B ut M is s C elia , th e w ay s h e s ta re s a t m e w it h th o se b ig e yes lik e I 'm th e b est th in g s in ce h air s p ra y in th e c an, I a lm ost r a th er s h e'd o rd er m e a ro und lik e s h e's s u p pose d to . I s ta rt to w ond er if h er la yin g d ow n a ll th e tim e h as a nyth in g to d o w it h h er n o t te llin g M is te r Jo hnny a b out m e. I g uess s h e c an s e e th e s u sp ic io us in m y e ye to o, b ecause o ne d ay, o ut o f th e b lu e sh e s a ys:

"I g et th ese n ig htm are s a lo t, th at I h ave to g o b ack to S ugar D it c h a nd liv e? T hat's w hy I la y d ow n so m uch." T hen s h e n o ds r e al fa st, lik e s h e's b een r e hears in g th is . " C ause I d on't s le ep r e al w ell a t nig ht." I g iv e h er a s tu p id s m ile , lik e I r e ally b elie ve th is , a nd g o b ack to w ip in g th e m ir ro rs .

"D on't d o it to o g o od. L eave s o m e s m ud ges." It's a lw ays s o m eth in g, m ir ro rs , flo ors , a d ir ty g la ss in th e s in k o r th e tr a sh c an fu ll. " W e'v e g o t to mak e it b elie vab le ," s h e'll s a y a nd I fin d m yse lf r e achin g fo r th at d ir ty g la ss a h und re d tim es to w ash it . I lik e th in gs c le an, p ut a w ay.

"I W IS H I C O ULD T EN D to th at a za le a b ush o ut th ere ," M is s C elia s a ys o ne d ay. S he's ta k en to la yin g o n th e c o uch w hile m y s to rie s a re o n, in te rru p tin g th e w ho le tim e. I 'v e b een tu ned in to The Guid in g L ig ht fo r tw enty -fo ur y ears , s in ce I w as te n y ears o ld a nd lis te nin g to it o n M am a's r a d io .

A D re ft c o m merc ia l c o m es o n a nd M is s C elia s ta re s o ut th e b ack w in d ow a t th e c o lo re d m an r a k in g up th e le aves. S he's g o t s o m any a za le a b ush es, h er y ard 's g o in g to lo ok lik e Gone W it h t h e W in d co m e s p rin g. I d on't lik e a za le as a nd I s u re d id n't lik e th at m ovie , th e w ay th ey m ad e s la very lo ok lik e a b ig h ap py te a p arty . I f I 'd p la yed M am my, I 'd o f to ld S carle tt to s tic k th o se g re en d ra p erie s u p her w hit e lit tle p ooper. M ak e h er o w n d am n m an-c atc hin g d re ss.

"A nd I k no w I c o uld m ak e th at r o se b ush b lo om if I p ru ned it b ack ," M is s C elia s a ys. " B ut th e fir s t th in g I 'd d o is c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e." "W hat's w ro ng w it h th at tr e e?" I p re ss th e c o rn er o f m y ir o n in to M is te r J o hnny's c o lla r- p oin t. I d on't even h ave a s h ru b , m uch le ss a tr e e, in m y e ntir e y ard .

"I d on't lik e th o se h air y flo w ers ." S he g aze s o ff lik e s h e's g o ne s o ft in th e h ead . " T hey lo ok lik e lit tle bab y h air s ." I g et th e c re ep ers w it h h er ta lk in g th at w ay. " Y ou k no w a b out flo w ers ? " She s ig hs. " I u se d to lo ve to te nd to m y flo w ers b ack in S ugar D it c h. I le arn ed to g ro w th in gs h o pin g I c o uld p re tty u p a ll th at u glin ess." "G o h ead o uts id e th en," I s a y, tr y in g n o t to s o und to o e xcit e d . " T ak e s o m e e xerc is e . G et s o m e fr e sh air ." Get o ut a h ere .

"N o," M is s C elia s ig hs. " I s h o uld n't b e r u nnin g a ro und o ut th ere . I n eed to b e s till. " It's r e ally s ta rtin g to ir rit a te m e h o w s h e n ever le aves th e h o use , h o w s h e s m ile s lik e th e m aid w alk in g in e very m orn in g is th e b est p art o f h er d ay. I t's lik e a n it c h. E very d ay I r e ach fo r it a nd c an't q uit e sc ra tc h it . E very d ay, it it c hes a lit tle w ors e . E very d ay s h e's th ere .

"M ayb e y o u o ught to g o m ak e s o m e fr ie nd s," I s a y. " L ot a la d ie s y o ur a ge in to w n." She fr o w ns u p a t m e. " I'v e b een tr y in g. I c an't te ll y o u th e u m pte en tim es I 'v e c alle d th o se la d ie s to se e if I c an h elp w it h th e C hild re n's B enefit o r d o s o m eth in g fr o m h o m e. B ut th ey w on't c all m e back . N one o f th em ." I d on't s a y a nyth in g to th is b ecause a in 't th at a s u rp ris e . W it h h er b oso m s h angin g o ut a nd h er h air co lo re d G old N ugget. "G o s h o ppin g th en. G o g et y o u s o m e n ew c lo th es. G o d o w hate ver w hit e w om en d o w hen th e maid 's h o m e." "N o, I th in k I 'll g o r e st a w hile ," s h e s a ys a nd tw o m in ute s la te r I h ear h er c re ep in g a ro und u p sta ir s in th e e m pty b ed ro om s.

The m im osa b ra nch k no ck s a gain st th e w in d ow a nd I ju m p, b urn m y th um b. I s q ueeze m y e yes s h ut to s lo w m y h eart. N in ety -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is m ess a nd I d on't k no w h o w I c an ta k e a m in ute more .

"M am a, fix m e s o m eth in g to e at. I 'm h ungry ." T hat's w hat m y y o ungest g ir l, K in d ra , w ho 's fiv e, s a id to m e la st n ig ht. W it h a h and o n h er h ip a nd h er fo ot s tu ck o ut.

I h ave fiv e k id s a nd I ta k e p rid e th at I ta ught th em yes m a'a m a nd ple a se b efo re th ey c o uld e ven sa y co okie .

All e xcep t o ne.

"Y ou a in 't h avin g n o th in g till s u p per," I to ld h er.

"W hy y o u s o m ean to m e? I hate y o u," s h e y elle d a nd r a n o ut th e d oor.

I s e t m y e yes o n th e c eilin g b ecause th at's a s h o ck I w ill n ever g et u se d to , e ven w it h fo ur b efo re h er.

The d ay y o ur c hild s a ys s h e h ate s y o u, a nd e very c hild w ill g o th ro ugh th e p hase , it k ic k s lik e a fo ot in th e s to m ach.

But K in d ra , L ord . I t's n o t ju st a p hase I 'm s e ein g. T hat g ir l is tu rn in g o ut ju st lik e m e.

I'm s ta nd in g in M is s C elia 's k it c hen th in k in g a b out la st n ig ht, w hat w it h K in d ra a nd h er m outh , B enny and h is a sth m a, m y h usb and L ero y c o m in g h o m e d ru nk tw o tim es la st w eek . H e k no w s th at's th e one th in g I c an't s ta nd a fte r n urs in g m y d ru nk d ad dy fo r te n y ears , m e a nd M am a w ork in g o urs e lv es to d eath s o h e h ad a fu ll b ottle . I g uess I o ught to b e m ore u p se t a b out a ll th is , b ut la st n ig ht, a s a n I'm s o rry , L ero y c am e h o m e w it h a s a ck o f e arly o kra . H e k no w s it 's m y fa vo rit e th in g to e at.

Tonig ht I 'm g o in g to fr y u p th at o kra in s o m e c o rn m eal a nd e at lik e m y m am a n ever le t m e.

That's n o t th e o nly tr e at to m y d ay e it h er. I t's O cto ber fir s t a nd h ere I a m p eelin g p eaches. M is te r Jo hnny's m am a b ro ught b ack tw o c ra te s fr o m M exic o , h eavy a s b ase b alls . T hey a re r ip e a nd s w eet and lik e c uttin g th ro ugh b utte r. I d on't ta k e c harit y fr o m w hit e la d ie s b ecause I know th ey ju st w ant me to o w e th em . B ut w hen M is s C elia to ld m e to ta k e a d oze n p eaches h o m e I p ulle d o ut a s a ck and p lo pped tw elv e r ig ht in . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'm e atin g fr ie d o kra fo r s u p per a nd p each co bble r fo r d esse rt.

I'm w atc hin g th e lo ng, fu zzy p eel fo ld d ow n in to M is s C elia 's b asin , p ayin g n o m in d a t a ll to th e driv ew ay. U su ally w hen I 'm s ta nd in g a t h er k it c hen s in k , I m ap o ut m y g eta w ay fr o m M is te r J o hnny.

The k it c hen's th e b est r o om fo r it b ecause th e fr o nt w in d ow lo oks o ut to th e s tr e et. T all a za le a bush es h id e m y fa ce, b ut I c an s e e th ro ugh e no ugh to s p ot a n a p pro acher. I f h e c am e in th e fr o nt door, th e b ack d oor w ould e sc ap e m e in to th e g ara ge. I f h e c am e in th e b ack , I c o uld s lip o ut th e fr o nt. A no th er d oor in th e k it c hen le ad s o ut to th e b ack yard , ju st in c ase . B ut w hat w it h th e ju ic e ru nnin g d ow n m y h and a nd m e n eara b out d ru nk o n th e b utte r s m ell, I a m lo st in a p each-p eelin g re verie . I d on't e ven n o tic e th e b lu e tr u ck p ull in .

The m an's m ad e it h alf w ay u p th e w alk b y th e tim e I lo ok u p . I c atc h a s liv er o f a w hit e s h ir t, th e varie ty o f w hic h I 'm u se d to ir o nin g e very d ay, a nd th e le g o f a p air o f k hak i p ants lik e I h ang u p in Mis te r J o hnny's c lo se t. I c ho ke o n a y elp . M y k nif e c la tte rs in th e s in k .

"M is s C elia !" I d ash in to h er b ed ro om . " M is te r J o hnny hom e !" Mis s C elia ju m ps o ut o f b ed fa ste r th an I 'v e s e en h er m ove b efo re . I tu rn a ro und in a n id io t c ir c le .

Where a m I g oin g? W hic h w ay d o I g o? W hat h appen ed t o m y g eta w ay p la n?

A nd th en I s n ap in to d ecis io n--th e g uest b ath ro om !

I s lip in a nd k eep th e d oor c ra ck ed . I c ro uch u p o n th e to ile t s e at s o h e c an't s e e m y fe et u nd er th e door. I t's d ark in h ere a nd h o t. I fe el lik e m y h ead 's o n fir e . S w eat d rip s o ff m y c hin a nd s p la ts o n th e flo or. I fe el s ic k b y th e th ic k s m ell o f g ard enia s o ap s b y th e s in k .

I h ear fo ots te p s. I h o ld m y b re ath .

The fo ots te p s s to p. M y h eart is th um pin g lik e a c at in a c lo th es d ry er. W hat if M is s C elia p re te nd s sh e d oesn 't k no w m e s o s h e w on't g et in tr o ub le ? A cts lik e I 'm a b urg la r? Oh, I h ate h er! I h ate th at s tu pid w om an!

I lis te n, b ut a ll I c an h ear is m y o w n p antin g. T he th ud -th ud in m y c hest. M y a nk le s h urt a nd c re ak , ho ld in g u p m y b ody lik e th is .

My e yes g ro w s h arp er in th e d ark . A fte r a m in ute , I s e e m yse lf in th e m ir ro r o ver th e s in k . C ro uched lik e a fo ol o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t.

Look a t m e. L ook w hat it 's c o m e to fo r M in ny J a ck so n to m ak e a d am n liv in g.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 5 I D RIV E M Y m am a's C ad illa c fa st o n th e g ra vel r o ad , h ead ed h o m e. P ats y C lin e c an't e ven b e h eard o n th e r a d io a nym ore , fo r a ll th e r o ck s b angin g th e s id e o f th e c ar. M oth er w ould b e fu rio us, b ut I ju st d riv e fa ste r. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out w hat H illy s a id to m e to day a t b rid ge c lu b .

H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I h ave b een b est fr ie nd s s in ce P ow er E le m enta ry . M y fa vo rit e p ho to gra p h is o f th e th re e o f u s s it tin g in th e fo otb all s ta nd s in ju nio r h ig h, a ll ja m med to geth er, s h o uld er to s h o uld er. W hat m ak es th e p ic tu re , th o ugh, is th at th e s ta nd s a re c o m ple te ly e m pty a ro und u s. W e s a t c lo se b ecause w e w ere c lo se .

A t O le M is s, H illy a nd I r o om ed to geth er fo r tw o y ears b efo re s h e le ft to g et m arrie d a nd I s ta yed o n to g ra d uate . I r o lle d th ir te en c urle rs in h er h air e very n ig ht a t th e C hi O mega h o use . B ut to day, s h e th re ate ned to th ro w m e o ut o f th e L eague. N ot th at I c are s o m uch a b out th e L eague, b ut I w as h urt b y h o w e asily m y fr ie nd w ould b e w illin g to c ast m e a sid e.

I tu rn u p th e la ne th at le ad s to L ongle af, m y fa m ily 's c o tto n p la nta tio n. T he g ra vel q uie ts to s m ooth , y ello w d ust a nd I s lo w d ow n b efo re M oth er s e es h o w fa st I 'm d riv in g. I p ull u p to th e h o use a nd g et o ut. M oth er is r o ck in g o n th e fr o nt p orc h.

" C om e s it , d arlin g," s h e s a ys, w avin g m e to w ard a r o ck in g c hair b esid e h er. " P asc ago ula 's ju st w axed th e flo ors . L et th em d ry a w hile ." " A lr ig ht, M am a." I k is s h er p ow dery c heek . B ut I d on't s it . I le an o n th e p orc h r a ilin g, lo ok o ut o n t h e th re e m ossy o ak tr e es in th e fr o nt y ard . E ven th o ugh it 's o nly fiv e m in ute s o uts id e o f to w n, m ost p eo ple c o nsid er th is th e c o untr y o ut h ere . S urro und in g o ur y ard lie te n th o usa nd a cre s o f D ad dy's c o tto n fie ld s, th e p la nts g re en a nd s tr o ng, ta ll a s m y w ais t. A fe w c o lo re d m en s it u nd er a d is ta nt s h ed , s ta rin g in to th e h eat. E very o ne is w ait in g fo r th e s a m e th in g, fo r th e c o tto n b olls to o pen.

I th in k a b out h o w th in gs a re d if fe re nt b etw een H illy a nd m e, s in ce I c am e h o m e fr o m s c ho ol. B ut w ho is th e d if fe re nt p ers o n, h er o r m e?

" D id I te ll y o u?" M oth er s a ys. " F anny P eatr o w g o t e ngaged ." " G ood fo r F anny." " N ot e ven a m onth a fte r s h e g o t th at te lle r jo b a t th e F arm er's B ank ." " T hat's g re at, M oth er." " I k no w ," s h e s a ys, a nd I tu rn to s e e o ne o f th o se lig htb ulb -p oppin g lo oks o f h ers . " W hy d on't y o u g o d ow n to th e b ank a nd a p ply fo r a te lle r jo b?" " I d on't w ant to b e a b ank te lle r, M am a." M oth er s ig hs, n arro w s h er e yes a t th e s p anie l, S helb y, lic k in g h is n eth er p arts . I e ye th e fr o nt d oor, t e m pte d to r u in th e c le an flo ors a nyw ay. W e'v e h ad th is c o nvers a tio n s o m any tim es.

" F our y ears m y d aughte r g o es o ff to c o lle ge a nd w hat d oes s h e c o m e h o m e w it h ?" s h e a sk s. "A d ip lo m a?" "A p re tty p ie ce o f p ap er," M oth er s a ys.

"I to ld y o u. I d id n't m eet a nyb ody I w ante d to m arry ," I s a y.

Moth er r is e s fr o m h er c hair , c o m es c lo se s o I 'll lo ok h er in h er s m ooth , p re tty fa ce. S he's w earin g a navy b lu e d re ss, n arro w a lo ng h er s lim b ones. A s u su al h er lip stic k is ju st s o , b ut w hen s h e s te p s in to th e b rig ht a fte rn o on s u n, I s e e d ark s ta in s, d eep a nd d rie d , o n th e fr o nt o f h er c lo th es. I s q uin t m y eyes, tr y in g to s e e if th e s ta in s a re r e ally th ere . " M am a? A re y o u fe elin g b ad ?" "If y o u'd ju st s h o w a lit tle g um ptio n, E ugenia --" "Y our d re ss is a ll d ir ty o n th e fr o nt." Moth er c ro sse s h er a rm s. " N ow , I ta lk ed to F anny's m oth er a nd s h e s a id F anny w as p ra ctic ally sw im min g in o pportu nit ie s o nce s h e g o t th at jo b." I d ro p th e d re ss is su e. I 'll n ever b e a b le to te ll M oth er I w ant to b e a w rit e r. S he'll o nly tu rn it in to yet a no th er th in g th at s e p ara te s m e fr o m th e m arrie d g ir ls . N or c an I te ll h er a b out C harle s G ra y, m y math s tu d y p artn er la st s p rin g, a t O le M is s. H ow h e'd g o tte n d ru nk s e nio r y ear a nd k is se d m e a nd th en s q ueeze d m y h and s o h ard it s h o uld 'v e h urt b ut it d id n't , it fe lt w ond erfu l th e w ay h e w as ho ld in g m e a nd lo okin g in to m y e yes. A nd th en h e m arrie d fiv e-fo ot J e nny S prig .

What I n eed ed to d o w as fin d a n a p artm ent in to w n, th e k in d o f b uild in g w here s in gle , p la in g ir ls liv ed , s p in ste rs , s e cre ta rie s, te achers . B ut th e o ne tim e I h ad m entio ned u sin g m oney fr o m m y tr u st fu nd , M oth er h ad c rie d --re al te ars . " T hat is n o t w hat th at m oney's fo r, E ugenia . T o liv e in s o m e ro om in g h o use w it h s tr a nge c o okin g s m ells a nd s to ck in gs h angin g o ut th e w in d ow . A nd w hen th e money r u ns o ut, w hat th en? W hat w ill y o u liv e o n?" T hen s h e'd d ra p ed a c o ld c lo th o n h er h ead a nd go ne to b ed fo r th e d ay.

And n o w s h e's g rip pin g th e r a il, w ait in g to s e e if I 'll d o w hat fa t F anny P eatr o w d id to s a ve h ers e lf .

My o w n m oth er is lo okin g a t m e a s if I c o m ple te ly b affle h er m in d w it h m y lo oks, m y h eig ht, m y h air .

To s a y I h ave fr iz zy h air is a n u nd ers ta te m ent. I t is k in k y, m ore p ub ic th an c ra nia l, a nd w hit is h b lo nd , bre ak in g o ff e asily , lik e h ay. M y s k in is fa ir a nd w hile s o m e c all th is c re am y, it c an lo ok d ow nrig ht death ly w hen I 'm s e rio us, w hic h is a ll th e tim e. A ls o , th ere 's a s lig ht b um p o f c artila ge a lo ng th e to p of m y n o se . B ut m y e yes a re c o rn flo w er b lu e, lik e M oth er's . I 'm to ld th at's m y b est fe atu re .

"It's a ll a b out p uttin g y o urs e lf in a m an-m eetin g s it u atio n w here y o u c an--" "M am a," I s a y, ju st w antin g to e nd th is c o nvers a tio n, " w ould it r e ally b e s o te rrib le if I n ever m et a husb and ?" Moth er c lu tc hes h er b are a rm s a s if m ad e c o ld b y th e th o ught. " D on't . D on't s a y th at, E ugenia . W hy, every w eek I s e e a no th er m an in to w n o ver s ix fe et a nd I th in k , If E ugen ia w ould j u st t r y . . ." S he pre sse s h er h and to h er s to m ach, th e v ery th o ught a d vancin g h er u lc ers .

I s lip o ff m y fla ts a nd w alk d ow n th e fr o nt p orc h s te p s, w hile M oth er c alls o ut fo r m e to p ut m y sh o es b ack o n, th re ate nin g r in gw orm , m osq uit o e ncep halit is . T he in evit a b ilit y o f d eath b y n o s h o es.

Death b y n o h usb and . I s h ud der w it h th e s a m e le ft- b ehin d fe elin g I 'v e h ad s in ce I g ra d uate d fr o m co lle ge, th re e m onth s a go . I 'v e b een d ro pped o ff in a p la ce I d o n o t b elo ng a nym ore . C erta in ly n o t here w it h M oth er a nd D ad dy, m ayb e n o t e ven w it h H illy a nd E liz a b eth .

". . . h ere y o u a re tw enty -th re e y ears o ld a nd I 'd a lr e ad y h ad C arlt o n J r. a t y o ur a ge . . ." M oth er sa ys.

I s ta nd u nd er th e p in k c re p e m yrtle tr e e, w atc hin g M oth er o n th e p orc h. T he d ay lilie s h ave lo st th eir blo om s. I t is n early S ep te m ber.

I W AS N OT a c ute b ab y. W hen I w as b orn , m y o ld er b ro th er, C arlt o n, lo oked a t m e a nd d ecla re d to th e h o sp it a l r o om , " It's n o t a b ab y, it 's a s k eete r!" a nd fr o m th ere th e n am e s tu ck . I w as lo ng a nd le ggy a nd m osq uit o -th in , a r e co rd -b re ak in g tw enty -fiv e in ches a t B ap tis t H osp it a l. T he n am e g re w even m ore a ccura te w it h m y p oin ty , b eak -lik e n o se w hen I w as a c hild . M oth er's s p ent m y e ntir e lif e tr y in g to c o nvin ce p eo ple to c all m e b y m y g iv en n am e, E ugenia .

Mrs . C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n d oes n o t lik e n ic k nam es.

By s ix te en I w asn 't ju st n o t p re tty , I w as p ain fu lly ta ll. T he k in d o f ta ll th at p uts a g ir l in th e b ack r o w of c la ss p ic tu re s w it h th e b oys. T he k in d o f ta ll w here y o ur m oth er s p end s h er n ig hts ta k in g d ow n hem s, y ank in g a t s w eate r s le eves, fla tte nin g y o ur h air fo r d ances y o u h ad n't b een a sk ed to , fin ally pre ssin g th e to p o f y o ur h ead a s if s h e c o uld s h rin k y o u b ack to th e y ears w hen s h e h ad to r e m in d yo u to s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. B y th e tim e I w as s e vente en, M oth er w ould r a th er I s u ffe re d fr o m ap ople ctic d ia rrh ea th an s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht. S he w as fiv e-fo ot- fo ur a nd fir s t- ru nner- u p a s M is s S outh Caro lin a. S he d ecid ed th ere w as o nly o ne th in g to d o in a c ase lik e m in e.

Mrs . C harlo tte P hela n's G uid e to H usb and -H untin g, R ule N um ber O ne: a p re tty , p etit e g ir l s h o uld accentu ate w it h m ak eup a nd g o od p ostu re . A ta ll p la in o ne, w it h a tr u st fu nd .

I w as fiv e-fo ot- e le ven b ut I h ad tw enty -fiv e th o usa nd c o tto n d olla rs in m y n am e a nd if th e b eauty in th at w as n o t a p pare nt th en, b y G od, h e w asn 't s m art e no ugh to b e in th e fa m ily a nyw ay.

. . .

MY C HIL D HO OD B ED RO OM is th e to p flo or o f m y p are nts ' h o use . I t h as w hit e -fr o stin g c hair ra ils a nd p in k c heru b s in th e m old in g. I t's p ap ere d in m in t g re en r o se b ud s. I t is a ctu ally th e a ttic w it h lo ng, s lo pin g w alls , a nd I c anno t s ta nd s tr a ig ht in m any p la ces. T he b ox b ay w in d ow m ak es th e ro om lo ok r o und . A fte r M oth er b era te s m e a b out fin d in g a h usb and e very o th er d ay, I h ave to s le ep in a w ed din g c ak e. And y et, it is m y s a nctu ary . T he h eat s w ells a nd g ath ers lik e a h o t- a ir b allo on u p h ere , n o t e xactly welc o m in g o th ers . T he s ta ir s a re n arro w a nd d if fic ult fo r p are nts to c lim b. O ur p re vio us m aid , Consta ntin e, u se d to s ta re th o se fo rw ard -slo pin g s ta ir s d ow n e very d ay, lik e it w as a b attle b etw een th em . T hat w as th e o nly p art I d id n't lik e a b out h avin g th e to p flo or o f th e h o use , th at it s e p ara te d me fr o m m y C onsta ntin e.

Thre e d ays a fte r m y c o nvers a tio n w it h M oth er o n th e p orc h, I s p re ad o ut th e h elp -w ante d a d s fr o m th e Ja ck so n J o urn al o n m y d esk . A ll m orn in g, M oth er's b een fo llo w in g m e a ro und w it h a n ew h air - str a ig hte nin g th in g w hile D ad dy's b een o n th e fr o nt p orc h g ro w lin g a nd g o ddam nin g th e c o tto n fie ld s because th ey'r e m elt in g lik e s u m mer s n o w . B esid es b oll w eevils , r a in is ju st a b out th e w ors t th in g th at c an h ap pen a t h arv est tim e. I t's h ard ly S ep te m ber b ut th e fa ll d re nches h ave a lr e ad y b egun.

My r e d p en in h and , I s c an th e s q uat, s in gle c o lu m n u nd er H ELP W AN TED : F EM ALE.

Ken nin gto n's D ep t. S tr. s e ek s s a le sg ir ls w /p ois e , m anners & a s m ile !

Trim , y o ung s e cre ta ry w ante d . T yp in g n ot n ec. C all M r. S anders.

J e su s, if h e d oesn 't w ant h er to ty p e, w hat d oes h e w ant h er to d o?

Jr. S te n ogra pher w ante d , P erc y & G ra y, L P, $ 1.2 5/h r.

T his is n ew . I d ra w a c ir c le a ro und it .

No o ne c o uld a rg ue th at I h ad n't w ork ed h ard a t O le M is s. W hile m y fr ie nd s w ere o ut d rin k in g r u m and C okes a t P hi D elt a T heta p artie s a nd p in nin g o n m um c o rs a ges, I s a t in th e s tu d y p arlo r a nd wro te fo r h o urs --m ostly te rm p ap ers b ut a ls o s h o rt s to rie s, b ad p oetr y , e p is o des o f Dr. K ild are , P all Mall jin gle s, le tte rs o f c o m pla in t, r a nso m n o te s, lo ve le tte rs to b oys I 'd s e en in c la ss b ut h ad n't h ad th e n erv e to s p eak to , a ll o f w hic h I n ever m aile d . S ure , I d re am ed o f h avin g fo otb all d ate s, b ut m y re al d re am w as th at o ne d ay I w ould w rit e s o m eth in g th at p eo ple w ould a ctu ally r e ad .

Fourth te rm o f m y s e nio r y ear, I o nly a p plie d to o ne jo b, b ut it w as a g o od o ne, b ein g s ix h und re d mile s a w ay fr o m M is sis sip pi. P ilin g tw enty -tw o d im es in th e O xfo rd M art p ay p ho ne, I 'd in q uir e d ab out a n e d it o r p osit io n a t th e H arp er & R ow p ub lis h in g h o use o n 3 3rd S tr e et in M anhatta n. I 'd se en th e a d in The N ew Y o rk T im es d ow n a t th e O le M is s lib ra ry a nd m aile d th em m y r e su m e th at very d ay. O n a s p rig o f h o pe, I e ven c alle d a b out a n a p artm ent lis tin g o n E ast 8 5th S tr e et, a o ne- bed ro om w it h h o t p la te fo r fo rty -fiv e d olla rs a m onth . D elt a A ir lin es to ld m e a o ne-w ay tic k et to Id le w ild A ir p ort w ould c o st s e venty -th re e d olla rs . I d id n't h ave th e s e nse to a p ply fo r m ore th an o ne jo b a t a tim e a nd I n ever e ven h eard b ack fr o m th em .

My e yes d rif t d ow n to H ELP W AN TED : M ALE. T here a re a t le ast fo ur c o lu m ns fille d w it h b ank managers , a cco unta nts , lo an o ffic ers , c o tto n c o lla te o pera to rs . O n th is s id e o f th e p age, P erc y & Gra y, L P, is o ffe rin g J r. S te no gra p hers fif ty c ents m ore a n h o ur.

"M is s S K EETER , y o u g o t a p ho ne c all, " I h ear P asc ago ula h o lle r a t th e b otto m o f th e s ta ir s . I g o d ow nsta ir s to th e o nly p ho ne in th e h o use . P asc ago ula h o ld s th e p ho ne o ut to m e. S he is a s tin y as a c hild , n o t e ven fiv e fe et ta ll, a nd b la ck a s n ig ht. H er h air is c urly a ro und h er h ead a nd h er w hit e unif o rm d re ss h as b een ta ilo re d to fit h er s h o rt a rm s a nd le gs.

"M is s H illy o n th e p ho ne fo r y o u," s h e s a ys, a nd h and s it to m e w it h a w et h and .

I s it a t th e w hit e ir o n ta b le . T he k it c hen is la rg e a nd s q uare a nd h o t. B la ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um tile s are c ra ck ed in p la ces, w orn th in in fr o nt o f th e s in k . T he n ew s ilv er d is h w ash in g m achin e s it s in th e mid dle o f th e r o om , a tta ched to a h o se s tr e tc hed fr o m th e fa ucet.

"H e's c o m in g n ext w eek end ," H illy s a ys. " O n S atu rd ay n ig ht. Y ou fr e e?" "G ee, le t m e c heck m y c ale nd ar," I s a y. A ll tr a ces o f o ur b rid ge-c lu b a rg um ent a re g o ne fr o m H illy 's vo ic e. I 'm s u sp ic io us b ut r e lie ved .

"I c an't b elie ve th is is fin ally g o in g to h ap pen," H illy s a ys, b ecause s h e's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p fo r month s w it h h er h usb and 's c o usin . S he's in te nt o n it e ven th o ugh h e's m uch to o g o od-lo okin g fo r m e, no t to m entio n a s ta te s e nato r's s o n.

"D on't y o u th in k w e s h o uld ... m eet fir s t? " I a sk . " I m ean, b efo re w e g o o ut o n a n a ctu al d ate ?" "D on't b e n erv o us. W illia m a nd I w ill b e r ig ht n ext to y o u th e w ho le tim e." I s ig h. T he d ate 's b een c ancele d tw ic e a lr e ad y. I c an o nly h o pe it 'll b e p ut o ff a gain . A nd y et I 'm fla tte re d th at H illy h as s o m uch fa it h th at s o m eo ne lik e h im w ould b e in te re ste d in s o m eo ne lik e m e.

"O h, a nd I n eed y o u to c o m e o n b y a nd p ic k u p th ese n o te s," H illy s a ys. " I w ant m y in it ia tiv e in th e next n ew sle tte r, a fu ll p age n ext to th e p ho to o ps." I p ause . " T he b ath ro om th in g?" E ven th o ugh it w as o nly a fe w d ays a go th at s h e'd b ro ught th is u p a t brid ge c lu b , I 'd h o ped it w as fo rg o tte n.

"It's c alle d th e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e-- Willia m J u nio r y o u g et d ow n o r I w ill s n atc h y o u bald hea ded Y u le M ay g et in h ere --a nd I w ant it in th is w eek ." I a m e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. B ut H illy is p re sid ent. A nd s h e's tr y in g to te ll m e w hat to p rin t.

"I'll s e e. I d on't k no w if th ere 's r o om ," I lie .

Fro m th e s in k , P asc ago ula s n eak s a lo ok a t m e, a s if s h e c an h ear w hat H illy 's s a yin g. I lo ok o ver a t Consta ntin e's b ath ro om , n o w P asc ago ula 's . I t's o ff th e k it c hen. T he d oor's h alf o pen a nd I c an s e e a tin y r o om w it h a to ile t, a p ull s tr in g flu sh er a t th e to p, a b ulb w it h a y ello w in g p la stic s h ad e. T he s m all co rn er s in k h ard ly h o ld s a g la ss o f w ate r. I 'v e n ever o nce b een in sid e. W hen w e w ere k id s, M oth er to ld u s s h e'd s p ank u s if w e w ent in C onsta ntin e's b ath ro om . I m is s C onsta ntin e m ore th an a nyth in g I'v e e ver m is se d in m y lif e .

"T hen m ak e r o om ," H illy s a ys, " b ecause th is is p re tty d arn im porta nt." CO NSTA N TIN E L IV ED A BO UT a M IL E fr o m o ur h o use , in a s m all N egro n eig hb orh o od c alle d Hots ta ck , n am ed a fte r th e ta r p la nt th at u se d to o pera te b ack th ere . T he r o ad to H ots ta ck r u ns alo ng th e n o rth s id e o f o ur fa rm , a nd fo r a s lo ng a s I c an r e m em ber, c o lo re d k id s h ave w alk ed a nd pla yed a lo ng th at m ile s tr e tc h, k ic k in g a t th e r e d d ust, m ak in g th eir w ay to w ard th e b ig C ounty R oad 49 to c atc h a r id e.

I u se d to w alk th at h o t m ile m yse lf , w hen I w as a g ir l. I f I b egged a nd p ra ctic ed m y c ate chis m , Moth er w ould s o m etim es le t m e g o h o m e w it h C onsta ntin e o n F rid ay a fte rn o ons. A fte r tw enty min ute s o f w alk in g s lo w , w e'd p ass th e c o lo re d fiv e-a nd -d im e s to re , th en a g ro cer w it h h ens la yin g in b ack , a nd a ll a lo ng th e w ay, d oze ns o f s h ack y-lo okin g r o ad sid e h o use s w it h tin r o ofs a nd s la ntin g porc hes, a lo ng w it h a y ello w o ne th at e very b ody s a id s o ld w his k ey fr o m th e b ack d oor. I t w as a th rill to b e in s u ch a d if fe re nt w orld a nd I 'd fe el a p ric k ly a w are ness o f h o w g o od m y s h o es w ere , ho w c le an m y w hit e p in afo re d re ss th at C onsta ntin e h ad ir o ned fo r m e. T he c lo se r w e g o t to Consta ntin e's h o use , th e m ore s h e'd s m ile .

"H i- d o, C arl B ir d ," C onsta ntin e'd h o lle r a t th e r o ot- se llin g m an s it tin g in h is r o ck in g c hair o n th e back o f h is p ic k up . B ags o f s a ssa fr a s a nd lic o ric e r o ot a nd b ir d eye v in e s a t o pen fo r b arg ain in g, a nd by th e tim e w e p oked a ro und th o se a m in ute , C onsta ntin e's w ho le b ody'd b e r a m blin g a nd lo ose in th e jo in ts . C onsta ntin e w asn 't ju st ta ll, s h e w as s to ut. S he w as a ls o w id e in th e h ip s a nd h er k nees gave h er tr o ub le a ll th e tim e. A t th e s tu m p o n h er c o rn er, s h e w ould s tic k a p in ch o f H ap py D ays sn uff in h er lip a nd s p it ju ic e s tr a ig ht a s a n a rro w . S he'd le t m e lo ok a t th e b la ck p ow der in it s r o und tin , b ut s a y, " D on't te ll y o ur m am a, n o w ." There w ere a lw ays d ogs, h o llo w -sto m ached a nd m angy, la id o ut in th e r o ad . F ro m a p orc h a y o ung co lo re d w om an n am ed C at- B it e w ould h o lle r, " M is s S keete r! T ell y o ur d ad dy h ey fo r m e. T ell h im I's d oin g fin e." M y o w n d ad dy g ave h er th at n am e y ears a go . D ro ve b y a nd s a w a r a b id c at atta ck in g a lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. " T hat c at n ear a b out a te h er u p ," D ad dy'd to ld m e a fte rw ard . H e'd kille d th e c at, c arrie d th e g ir l to th e d octo r, a nd s e t h er u p fo r th e tw enty -o ne d ays o f r a b ie s s h o ts .

A lit tle fa rth er o n, w e'd g et to C onsta ntin e's h o use . I t h ad th re e r o om s a nd n o r u gs a nd I 'd lo ok a t th e s in gle p ho to gra p h s h e h ad , o f a w hit e g ir l s h e to ld m e s h e lo oked a fte r fo r tw enty y ears o ver in Port G ib so n. I w as p re tty s u re I k new e very th in g a b out C onsta ntin e--sh e h ad o ne s is te r a nd g re w up o n a s h are cro ppin g fa rm in C orin th , M is sis sip pi. B oth h er p are nts w ere d ead . S he d id n't e at p ork as a r u le a nd w ore a s iz e s ix te en d re ss a nd a s iz e te n la d ie s' s h o e. B ut I u se d to s ta re a t th e to oth y sm ile o f th at c hild in th e p ic tu re , a lit tle je alo us, w ond erin g w hy s h e d id n't h ave a p ic tu re o f m e u p to o.

Som etim es tw o g ir ls fr o m n ext d oor w ould c o m e o ver to p la y w it h m e, n am ed M ary N ell a nd M ary Roan. T hey w ere s o b la ck I c o uld n't te ll th em a p art a nd c alle d th em b oth ju st M ary .

"B e n ic e to th e lit tle c o lo re d g ir ls w hen y o u'r e d ow n th ere ," M oth er s a id to m e o ne tim e a nd I re m em ber lo okin g a t h er fu nny, s a yin g, " W hy w ould n't I b e?" B ut M oth er n ever e xp la in ed . Afte r a n h o ur o r s o , D ad dy w ould p ull u p , g et o ut, h and C onsta ntin e a d olla r. N ot o nce d id Consta ntin e in vit e h im in sid e. E ven b ack th en, I u nd ers to od w e w ere o n C onsta ntin e's tu rf a nd s h e did n't h ave to b e n ic e to a nyb ody a t h er o w n h o use . A fte rw ard , D ad dy w ould le t m e g o in th e co lo re d s to re fo r a c o ld d rin k a nd s u ck in g c and y.

"D on't te ll y o ur m am a I g ave C onsta ntin e a lit tle e xtr a , n o w ." "O kay, D ad dy," I 'd s a y. T hat's a b out th e o nly s e cre t m y d ad dy a nd I h ave e ver s h are d .

TH E F IR ST T IM E I w as e ver c alle d u gly , I w as th ir te en. I t w as a r ic h fr ie nd o f m y b ro th er Carlt o n's , o ver to s h o ot g uns in th e fie ld .

"W hy y o u c ry in g, g ir l? " C onsta ntin e a sk ed m e in th e k it c hen.

I to ld h er w hat th e b oy h ad c alle d m e, te ars s tr e am in g d ow n m y fa ce.

"W ell? I s y o u?" I b lin k ed , p ause d m y c ry in g. " Is I w hat? " "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , E ugenia "- -b ecause C onsta ntin e w as th e o nly o ne w ho 'd o ccasio nally fo llo w Mam a's r u le . " U gly liv e u p o n th e in sid e. U gly b e a h urtfu l, m ean p ers o n. I s y o u o ne a th em peo ple s? " "I d on't k no w . I d on't th in k s o ," I s o bbed .

Consta ntin e s a t d ow n n ext to m e, a t th e k it c hen ta b le . I h eard th e c ra ck in g o f h er s w olle n jo in ts . S he pre sse d h er th um b h ard in th e p alm o f m y h and , s o m eth in g w e b oth k new m eant Lis te n . L is te n t o me.

"E ver m orn in g, u ntil y o u d ead in th e g ro und , y o u g o ne h ave to m ak e th is d ecis io n." C onsta ntin e w as so c lo se , I c o uld s e e th e b la ck ness o f h er g um s. " Y ou g o ne h ave to a sk y o urs e lf , Am I g one b elie v e what t h em f o ols s a y a bout m e t o day?

" She k ep t h er th um b p re sse d h ard in m y h and . I n o dded th at I u nd ers to od. I w as ju st s m art e no ugh to r e aliz e s h e m eant w hit e p eo ple . A nd e ven th o ugh I s till fe lt m is e ra b le , a nd k new th at I w as, m ost lik ely , u gly , it w as th e fir s t tim e s h e e ver ta lk ed to m e lik e I w as s o m eth in g b esid es m y m oth er's w hit e child . A ll m y lif e I 'd b een to ld w hat to b elie ve a b out p olit ic s, c o lo re d s, b ein g a g ir l. B ut w it h Consta ntin e's th um b p re sse d in m y h and , I r e aliz e d I a ctu ally h ad a c ho ic e in w hat I c o uld b elie ve.

CO NSTA N TIN E C AM E T O W ORK in o ur h o use a t s ix in th e m orn in g, a nd a t h arv est tim e, s h e cam e a t fiv e. T hat w ay s h e c o uld fix D ad dy h is b is c uit s a nd g ra vy b efo re h e h ead ed to th e fie ld . I woke u p n early e very d ay to h er s ta nd in g in th e k it c hen, P re acher G re en p la yin g o n th e r a d io th at sa t o n th e k it c hen ta b le . T he m in ute s h e s a w m e, s h e s m ile d . " G ood m orn in g, b eautif u l g ir l! " I 'd s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le a nd te ll h er w hat I 'd d re am ed . S he c la im ed d re am s to ld th e fu tu re .

"I w as in th e a ttic , lo okin g d ow n a t th e fa rm ," I 'd te ll h er. " I c o uld s e e th e to ps o f th e tr e es." "Y ou g o ne b e a b ra in s u rg eo n! T op a th e h o use m ean th e h ead ." Moth er a te h er b re ak fa st e arly in th e d in in g r o om , th en m oved to th e r e la xin g r o om to d o need le p oin t o r w rit e le tte rs to m is sio narie s in A fr ic a. F ro m h er g re en w in g c hair , s h e c o uld s e e every o ne g o in g a lm ost a nyw here in th e h o use . I t w as s h o ck in g w hat s h e c o uld p ro cess a b out m y ap peara nce in th e s p lit s e co nd it to ok fo r m e to p ass b y th at d oor. I u se d to d ash b y, fe elin g lik e a dartb oard , a b ig r e d b ull's -e ye th at M oth er p in ged d arts a t.

"E ugenia , y o u k no w th ere is n o c hew in g g um in th is h o use ." "E ugenia , g o p ut a lc o ho l o n th at b le m is h ." "E ugenia , m arc h u p sta ir s a nd b ru sh y o ur h air d ow n, w hat if w e h ave a n u nexp ecte d v is it o r? " I le arn ed th at s o ck s a re s te alt h ie r tr a nsp orta tio n th an s h o es. I le arn ed to u se th e b ack d oor. I le arn ed to w ear h ats , c o ver m y fa ce w it h m y h and s w hen I p asse d b y. B ut m ostly , I le arn ed to ju st s ta y in th e k it c hen.

A S U M MER M ONTH C O ULD S TR EC H o n fo r y ears , o ut o n L ongle af. I d id n't h ave fr ie nd s co m in g o ver e very d ay--w e liv ed to o fa r o ut to h ave a ny w hit e n eig hb ors . I n to w n, H illy a nd Eliz a b eth s p ent a ll w eek end g o in g to a nd fr o m e ach o th er's h o use s, w hile I w as o nly a llo w ed to sp end th e n ig ht o ut o r h ave c o m pany e very o th er w eek end . I g ru m ble d o ver th is p le nty . I to ok Consta ntin e fo r g ra nte d a t tim es, b ut I th in k I k new , fo r th e m ost p art, h o w lu ck y I w as to h ave h er th ere .

When I w as fo urte en, I s ta rte d s m okin g c ig are tte s. I 'd s n eak th em fr o m C arlt o n's p ack s o f Marlb oro s h e k ep t in h is d re sse r d ra w er. H e w as a lm ost e ig hte en a nd n o o ne m in d ed th at h e'd b een sm okin g fo r y ears a nyw here h e w ante d to in th e h o use o r o ut in th e fie ld s w it h D ad dy. S om etim es Dad dy s m oked a p ip e, b ut h e w asn 't a c ig are tte m an a nd M oth er d id n't s m oke a nyth in g a t a ll, e ven th o ugh m ost o f h er fr ie nd s d id . M oth er to ld m e I w asn 't a llo w ed to s m oke u ntil I w as s e vente en.

So I 'd s lip in to th e b ack yard a nd s it in th e tir e s w in g, w it h th e h uge o ld o ak tr e e c o ncealin g m e. O r, la te a t n ig ht, I 'd h ang o ut o f m y b ed ro om w in d ow a nd s m oke. M oth er h ad e agle -e yes, b ut s h e h ad alm ost z e ro s e nse o f s m ell. C onsta ntin e k new im med ia te ly , th o ugh. S he n arro w ed h er e yes, w it h a lit tle s m ile , b ut s a id n o th in g. I f M oth er h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h w hile I w as b ehin d th e tr e e, Consta ntin e w ould r u sh o ut a nd b ang h er b ro om h and le o n th e ir o n s ta ir r a il.

"C onsta ntin e, w hat a re y o u d oin g?" M oth er w ould a sk h er, b ut b y th en I w ould 'v e s tu b bed it o ut a nd dro pped th e b utt in th e h o le in th e tr e e.

"J u st c le anin g th is h ere o ld b ro om , M is s C harlo tte ." "W ell, fin d a w ay to d o it a lit tle q uie te r, p le ase . O h, E ugenia , w hat, d id y o u g ro w a no th er in ch overn ig ht? W hat a m I g o in g to d o? G o... p ut o n a d re ss th at fit s ." "Y es m a'a m ," C onsta ntin e a nd I w ould s a y a t th e s a m e tim e a nd th en p ass e ach o th er a lit tle s m ile .

Oh, it w as d elic io us to h ave s o m eo ne to k eep s e cre ts w it h . I f I 'd h ad a s is te r o r a b ro th er c lo se r in age, I g uesse d th at's w hat it w ould b e lik e. B ut it w asn 't ju st s m okin g o r s k ir tin g a ro und M oth er. I t was h avin g s o m eo ne lo ok a t y o u a fte r y o ur m oth er h as n early fr e tte d h ers e lf to d eath b ecause y o u are fr e ak is h ly ta ll a nd fr iz zy a nd o dd. S om eo ne w ho se e yes s im ply s a id , w it h o ut w ord s, Yo u a re f in e wit h m e.

Still, it w asn 't a ll s w eet ta lk w it h h er. W hen I w as fif te en, a n ew g ir l h ad p oin te d a t m e a nd a sk ed , "W ho 's th e s to rk ?" E ven H illy h ad tu ck ed b ack a s m ile b efo re s te erin g m e a w ay, lik e w e h ad n't heard h er.

"H ow ta ll a re y o u, C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed , u nab le to h id e m y te ars .

Consta ntin e n arro w ed h er e yes a t m e. " H ow ta ll is y o u?" "F iv e-e le ven," I c rie d . " I'm a lr e ad y ta lle r th an th e b oys' b ask etb all c o ach." "W ell, I 'm fiv e-th ir te en, s o q uit fe elin g s o rry fo r y o urs e lf ." Consta ntin e's th e o nly w om an I 'v e e ver h ad to lo ok u p to , to lo ok h er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye.

What y o u n o tic ed fir s t a b out C onsta ntin e, b esid es h er ta lln ess, w ere h er e yes. T hey w ere lig ht bro w n, s tr ik in gly h o ney-c o lo re d a gain st h er d ark s k in . I 'v e n ever s e en lig ht b ro w n e yes o n a c o lo re d pers o n. I n fa ct, th e s h ad es o f b ro w n o n C onsta ntin e w ere e nd le ss. H er e lb ow s w ere a b so lu te ly bla ck , w it h a d ry w hit e d ust o n th em in th e w in te r. T he s k in o n h er a rm s a nd n eck a nd fa ce w as a dark e b ony. T he p alm s o f h er h and s w ere o ra ngey-ta n a nd th at m ad e m e w ond er if th e s o le s o f h er fe et w ere to o, b ut I n ever s a w h er b are fo ote d .

"J u st y o u a nd m e th is w eek end ," s h e s a id w it h a s m ile .

It w as th e w eek end th at M oth er a nd D ad dy w ere d riv in g C arlt o n to lo ok a t L SU a nd T ula ne. M y bro th er w as g o in g to c o lle ge n ext y ear. T hat m orn in g, D ad dy h ad m oved th e c o t in to th e k it c hen, next to h er b ath ro om . T hat's w here C onsta ntin e a lw ays s le p t w hen s h e s p ent th e n ig ht.

"G o lo ok w hat I g o t," s h e s a id , p oin tin g to th e b ro om c lo se t. I w ent a nd o pened it a nd s a w , tu ck ed in h er b ag, a fiv e-h und re d -p ie ce p uzzle w it h a p ic tu re o f M ount R ush m ore o n it . I t w as o ur fa vo rit e th in g to d o w hen s h e s ta yed o ver. That n ig ht, w e s a t fo r h o urs , m unchin g o n p eanuts , s if tin g th ro ugh th e p ie ces s p re ad o ut o n th e kit c hen ta b le . A s to rm r a ged o uts id e, m ak in g th e r o om c o zy w hile w e p ic k ed o ut th e e d ges. T he bulb in th e k it c hen d im med th en b rig hte ned a gain .

"W hic h o ne h e?" C onsta ntin e a sk ed , s tu d yin g th e p uzzle b ox th ro ugh h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s.

"T hat's J e ffe rs o n." "O h it s u re is . W hat a b out h im ?" "T hat's --" I le aned o ver. " I th in k th at's . . . R oose velt ." "O nly o ne I r e co gniz e is L in co ln . H e lo ok lik e m y d ad dy." I s to pped , p uzzle p ie ce in h and . I w as fo urte en a nd h ad n ever m ad e le ss th an a n A . I w as s m art, b ut I w as a s n aiv e a s th ey c o m e. C onsta ntin e p ut th e b ox to p d ow n a nd lo oked o ver th e p ie ces a gain .

"B ecause y o ur d ad dy w as s o . . . ta ll? " I a sk ed .

She c huck le d . " C ause m y d ad dy w as w hit e . I g o t th e ta ll fr o m m y m am a." I p ut th e p ie ce d ow n. " Y our . . . fa th er w as w hit e a nd y o ur m oth er w as . . . c o lo re d ?" "Y up ," s h e s a id a nd s m ile d , s n ap pin g tw o p ie ces to geth er. " W ell, lo ok a th ere . G ot m e a m atc h." I h ad s o m any q uestio ns-- Who w as h e?

Where w as h e? I k new h e w asn 't m arrie d to C onsta ntin e's moth er, b ecause th at w as a gain st th e la w . I p ic k ed a c ig are tte fr o m m y s ta sh I 'd b ro ught to th e ta b le .

I w as fo urte en b ut, fe elin g v ery g ro w n u p , I lit it . A s I d id , th e o verh ead lig ht d im med to a d ull, d ir ty bro w n, b uzzin g s o ftly .

"O h, m y d ad dy lo oooved m e. A lw ays s a id I w as h is fa vo rit e ." S he le aned b ack in h er c hair . " H e use d to c o m e o ver to th e h o use e ver S atu rd ay a fte rn o on, a nd o ne tim e, h e g iv e m e a s e t a te n h air rib bons, te n d if fe re nt c o lo rs . B ro ught e m o ver fr o m P aris , m ad e o ut a J a p anese s ilk . I s a t in h is la p fr o m th e m in ute h e g o t th ere u ntil h e h ad to le ave a nd M am a'd p la y B essie S m it h o n th e V ic tr o la h e bru ng h er a nd h e a nd m e'd s in g:

It's m ig hty s tr a nge, w it h out a d oubt Nobody k now s y o u w hen y o u'r e d ow n a nd o ut I lis te ned w id e-e yed , s tu p id . G lo w in g b y h er v o ic e in th e d im lig ht. I f c ho co la te w as a s o und , it would 'v e b een C onsta ntin e's v o ic e s in gin g. I f s in gin g w as a c o lo r, it w ould 'v e b een th e c o lo r o f th at cho co la te .

"O ne tim e I w as b oo-h o oin g o ver h ard fe elin gs, I r e ck on I h ad a lis t a th in gs to b e u p se t a b out, bein g p oor, c o ld b ath s, r o tte n to oth , I d on't k no w . B ut h e h eld m e b y th e h ead , h ugged m e to h im fo r th e lo ngest tim e. W hen I lo oked u p , h e w as c ry in g to o a nd h e . . . d id th at th in g I d o to y o u s o yo u k no w I m ean it . P re ss h is th um b u p in m y h and a nd h e s a y . . . h e s o rry ." We s a t th ere , s ta rin g a t th e p uzzle p ie ces. M oth er w ould n't w ant m e to k no w th is , th at C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e , th at h e'd a p olo giz e d to h er fo r th e w ay th in gs w ere . I t w as s o m eth in g I w asn 't su p pose d to k no w . I fe lt lik e C onsta ntin e h ad g iv en m e a g if t.

I fin is h ed m y c ig are tte , s tu b bed it o ut in th e s ilv er g uest a sh tr a y. T he lig ht b rig hte ned a gain .

Consta ntin e s m ile d a t m e a nd I s m ile d b ack .

"H ow c o m e y o u n ever to ld m e th is b efo re ?" I s a id , lo okin g in to h er lig ht b ro w n e yes.

"I c an't te ll y o u e ver s in gle th in g, S keete r." "B ut w hy?" S he k new e very th in g a b out m e, e very th in g a b out m y fa m ily . W hy w ould I e ver k eep se cre ts fr o m h er?

She s ta re d a t m e a nd I s a w a d eep , b le ak s a d ness th ere , in sid e o f h er. A fte r a w hile , s h e s a id , "S om e th in gs I ju st g o t to k eep fo r m yse lf ." WHEN I T W as M Y T urn to g o o ff to c o lle ge, M oth er c rie d h er e yes o ut w hen D ad dy a nd I p ulle d aw ay in th e tr u ck . B ut I fe lt fr e e. I w as o ff th e fa rm , o ut fr o m u nd er th e c rit ic is m . I w ante d to a sk Moth er, Are n 't y o u g la d? A re n 't y o u r e lie v ed t h at y o u d on't h ave t o w orry -w art o ver m e e v ery day a nym ore ?

B ut M oth er lo oked m is e ra b le .

I w as th e h ap pie st p ers o n in m y fr e sh m an d orm . I w ro te C onsta ntin e a le tte r o nce a w eek , te llin g h er ab out m y r o om , th e c la sse s, th e s o ro rit y . I h ad to m ail h er le tte rs to th e fa rm s in ce th e p ost d id n't deliv er to H ots ta ck a nd I h ad to tr u st th at M oth er w ould n't o pen th em . T w ic e a m onth , C onsta ntin e wro te m e b ack o n p arc hm ent p ap er th at fo ld ed in to a n e nvelo pe. H er h and w rit in g w as la rg e a nd lo vely , a lt h o ugh it r a n a t a c ro oked a ngle d ow n th e p age. S he w ro te m e e very m und ane d eta il o f Longle af:

My b ack p ain s a re b ad b ut it 's m y f e et t h at a re w orse , o r The m ix er b ro ke o ff f ro m th e b ow l a nd f le w w ild a ro und t h e k it c h en a nd t h e c a t h olle re d a nd r a n o ff. I h aven 't s e en h er sin ce.

S he'd te ll m e th at D ad dy h ad a c hest c o ld o r th at R osa P ark s w as c o m in g to h er c hurc h to sp eak . O fte n s h e d em and ed to k no w if I w as h ap py a nd th e d eta ils o f th is . O ur le tte rs w ere lik e a yearlo ng c o nvers a tio n, a nsw erin g q uestio ns b ack a nd fo rth , c o ntin uin g fa ce-to -fa ce a t C hris tm as o r betw een s u m mer s c ho ol s e ssio ns.

Moth er's le tte rs s a id , Say y o ur p ra yers a nd Don't w ea r h eels b eca use t h ey m ake y o u t o o t a ll clip ped to a c heck fo r th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs .

In A pril o f m y s e nio r y ear, a le tte r c am e fr o m C onsta ntin e th at s a id , I h ave a s u rp ris e f o r y o u, Skeete r. I a m s o e x cit e d I a lm ost c a n't s ta nd m yse lf . A nd d on't y o u g o a sk in g m e a bout it neit h er. Y o u w ill s e e f o r y o urse lf w hen y o u c o m e h om e.

That w as c lo se to fin al e xam s, w it h g ra d uatio n o nly a m onth a w ay. A nd th at w as th e la st le tte r I e ver go t fr o m C onsta ntin e.

I S K IP PED M Y G RA DUATIO N C ER EM ONY a t O le M is s. A ll m y c lo se fr ie nd s h ad d ro pped o ut to g et m arrie d a nd I d id n't s e e th e p oin t in m ak in g M am a a nd D ad dy d riv e th re e h o urs ju st to w atc h me w alk a cro ss a s ta ge, w hen w hat M oth er r e ally w ante d w as to w atc h m e w alk d ow n th e a is le . I still h ad n't h eard fr o m H arp er & R ow , s o in ste ad o f b uyin g a p la ne tic k et to N ew Y ork , I r o de h o m e to J a ck so n in s o pho m ore K ay T urn er's B uic k , s q ueeze d in th e fr o nt w it h m y ty p ew rit e r a t m y fe et and h er w ed din g d re ss b etw een u s. K ay T urn er w as m arry in g P erc y S ta nho pe n ext m onth . F or th re e h o urs I lis te ned to h er w orry a b out c ak e fla vo rs .

When I g o t h o m e, M oth er s te p ped b ack to g et a b ette r lo ok a t m e. " W ell, y o ur s k in lo oks b eautif u l, " sh e s a id , " b ut y o ur h air . . ." S he s ig hed , s h o ok h er h ead .

"W here 's C onsta ntin e?" I a sk ed . " In th e k it c hen?" And lik e s h e w as d eliv erin g th e w eath er, M oth er s a id , " C onsta ntin e is n o lo nger e m plo yed h ere .

Now le t's g et a ll th ese tr u nk s u np ack ed b efo re y o u r u in y o ur c lo th es." I tu rn ed a nd b lin k ed a t h er. I d id n't th in k I 'd h eard h er c o rre ctly . " W hat d id y o u s a y?" Moth er s to od s tr a ig hte r, s m ooth in g d ow n h er d re ss. " C onsta ntin e's g o ne, S keete r. S he w ent to liv e wit h h er p eo ple u p in C hic ago ." "B ut . . . w hat? S he d id n't s a y a nyth in g in h er le tte rs a b out C hic ago ." I k new th at w asn 't h er s u rp ris e .

She w ould 'v e to ld m e s u ch te rrib le n ew s im med ia te ly .

Moth er to ok a d eep b re ath , s tr a ig hte ned h er b ack . " I to ld C onsta ntin e s h e w asn 't to w rit e to y o u ab out le avin g. N ot in th e m id dle o f y o ur fin al e xam s. W hat if y o u'd flu nk ed a nd h ad to s ta y o n ano th er y ear? G od k no w s, fo ur y ears o f c o lle ge is m ore th an e no ugh." "A nd s h e . . . a gre ed to th at? N ot to w rit e m e a nd te ll m e s h e w as le avin g?" Moth er lo oked o ff, s ig hed . " W e'll d is c uss it la te r, E ugenia . C om e o n to th e k it c hen, le t m e in tr o duce yo u to th e n ew m aid , P asc ago ula ." But I d id n't fo llo w M oth er to th e k it c hen. I s ta re d d ow n a t m y c o lle ge tr u nk s, te rrif ie d b y th e th o ught of u np ack in g h ere . T he h o use fe lt v ast, e m pty . O uts id e, a c o m bin e w hir re d in a c o tto n fie ld .

By S ep te m ber, n o t o nly h ad I g iv en u p h o pe o f e ver h earin g b ack fr o m H arp er & R ow , I g ave u p o n ever fin d in g C onsta ntin e. N o o ne s e em ed to k no w a th in g o r h o w I c o uld r e ach h er. I fin ally s to pped ask in g p eo ple w hy C onsta ntin e h ad le ft. I t w as lik e s h e'd s im ply d is a p peare d . I h ad to a ccep t th at Consta ntin e, m y o ne tr u e a lly , h ad le ft m e to fe nd fo r m yse lf w it h th ese p eo ple .

ch ap te r 6 O N A H O T S EPTEM BER M ORN IN G, I w ak e u p in m y c hild ho od b ed , s lip o n th e h uara che s h o es m y b ro th er, C arlt o n, b ro ught m e b ack fr o m M exic o . A m an's p air s in ce, e vid ently , M exic an g ir ls ' fe et d on't g ro w to s iz e n in e-a nd -a -h alf . M oth er h ate s th em a nd s a ys th ey'r e tr a sh y-lo okin g.

O ver m y n ig htg o w n, I p ut o n o ne o f D ad dy's o ld b utto n-d ow n s h ir ts a nd s lip o ut th e fr o nt d oor.

M oth er is o n th e b ack p orc h w it h P asc ago ula a nd J a m eso w hile th ey s h uck o yste rs .

" Y ou c anno t le ave a N egro a nd a N ig ra to geth er u nchap ero ned ," M oth er'd w his p ere d to m e, a lo ng t im e a go . " It's n o t th eir fa ult , th ey ju st c an't h elp it ." I h ead d ow n th e s te p s to s e e if m y m ail- o rd er c o py o f Catc h er in t h e R ye is in th e b ox. I a lw ays o rd er th e b anned b ooks fr o m a b la ck m ark et d eale r in C alif o rn ia , fig urin g if th e S ta te o f M is sis sip pi b anned th em , th ey m ust b e g o od. B y th e tim e I r e ach th e e nd o f th e d riv e, m y h uara ches a nd a nk le s a re c o vere d w it h fin e y ello w d ust.

O n e it h er s id e o f m e, th e c o tto n fie ld s a re a g la rin g g re en, fa t w it h b olls . D ad dy lo st th e b ack fie ld s t o th e r a in la st m onth , b ut th e m ajo rit y b lo om ed u nharm ed . T he le aves a re ju st s ta rtin g to s p ot b ro w n w it h d efo lia nt a nd I c an s till s m ell th e s o ur c hem ic al in th e a ir . T here a re n o c ars o n th e C ounty R oad . I o pen th e m ailb ox.

A nd th ere , u nd ern eath M oth er's Ladie s' H om e J o urn al , is a le tte r a d dre sse d to M is s E ugenia P hela n. T he r e d r a is e d fo nt in th e c o rn er s a ys H arp er & R ow , P ub lis h ers . I te ar it o pen r ig ht th ere in t h e la ne, in n o th in g b ut m y lo ng n ig htg o w n a nd D ad dy's o ld B ro oks B ro th ers s h ir t.

S ep te m ber 4 , 1 962 D ea r M is s P hela n, I a m r e sp ondin g p erso nally t o y o ur r e su m e b eca use I f o und it a dm ir a ble t h at a y o ung la dy w it h a bso lu te ly n o w ork e x perie n ce w ould a pply f o r a n e d it in g j o b a t a p ublis h er a s p re stig io us a s o urs. A m in im um o f f iv e y ea rs in t h e b usin ess is m andato ry f o r s u ch a j o b.

Y o u'd k now t h is if y o u'd d one a ny a m ount o f r e se a rc h o n t h e b usin ess.

H avin g o nce b een a n a m bit io us y o ung la dy m yse lf , h ow ev er, I 'v e d ecid ed t o o ffe r y o u s o m e a dvic e: g o t o y o ur lo ca l n ew sp aper a nd g et a n e n tr y -le v el j o b. Y o u in clu ded in y o ur le tte r t h at y o u " im men se ly e n jo y w rit in g." W hen y o u'r e n ot m akin g m im eo gra phs o r f ix in g y o ur b oss's c o ffe e, lo ok a ro und, in vestig ate , a nd w rit e . D on't w aste y o ur t im e o n t h e o bvio us t h in gs. W rit e a bout w hat d is tu rb s y o u, p artic u la rly if it b oth ers n o o ne e ls e .

Y o urs s in cere ly , E la in e S te in , S en io r E dit o r, A dult B ook D iv is io n Belo w th e p ic a ty p e is a h and w rit te n n o te , in a c ho ppy b lu e s c ra w l:

P.S . I f y o u a re t r u ly s e rio us, I 'd b e w illin g t o lo ok o ver y o ur b est id ea s a nd g iv e m y o pin io n. I offe r t h is f o r n o b ette r r e a so n, M is s P hela n, t h an s o m eo ne o nce d id it f o r m e.

A tr u ck fu ll o f c o tto n r u m ble s b y o n th e C ounty R oad . T he N egro in th e p asse nger s id e le ans o ut and s ta re s. I 'v e fo rg o tte n I a m a w hit e g ir l in a th in n ig htg o w n. I h ave ju st r e ceiv ed c o rre sp ond ence, mayb e e ven e nco ura gem ent, fr o m N ew Y ork C it y a nd I s a y th e n am e a lo ud : " E la in e S te in ." I 'v e never m et a J e w is h p ers o n.

I r a ce b ack u p th e la ne, tr y in g to k eep th e le tte r fr o m fla p pin g in m y h and . I d on't w ant it w rin k le d . I dash u p th e s ta ir s w it h M oth er h o lle rin g to ta k e o ff th o se ta ck y M exic an m an s h o es, a nd I g et to work w rit in g d ow n e very g o ddam n th in g th at b oth ers m e in lif e , p artic ula rly th o se th at d o n o t s e em to fa ze a nyo ne e ls e . E la in e S te in 's w ord s a re r u nnin g h o t s ilv er th ro ugh m y v ein s a nd I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an. T urn s o ut, it is a s p ecta cula rly lo ng lis t.

By th e n ext d ay, I a m r e ad y to m ail m y fir s t le tte r to E la in e S te in , lis tin g th e id eas I th o ught w orth y jo urn alis m m ate ria l: th e p re vale nce o f illit e ra cy in M is sis sip pi; th e h ig h n um ber o f d ru nk -d riv in g accid ents in o ur c o unty ; th e lim it e d jo b o pportu nit ie s fo r w om en.

It's n o t u ntil a fte r I m ail th e le tte r th at I r e aliz e I p ro bab ly c ho se th o se id eas s h e w ould th in k im pre ssiv e, r a th er th an o nes I w as r e ally in te re ste d in .

I T A K E a D EEP B REATH a nd p ull o pen th e h eavy g la ss d oor. A fe m in in e lit tle b ell tin k le s h ello . A no t- so -fe m in in e r e cep tio nis t w atc hes m e. S he is e no rm ous a nd lo oks u nco m fo rta b le in th e s m all wooden c hair . " W elc o m e to th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

C an I h elp y o u?" I h ad m ad e m y a p poin tm ent d ay b efo re y este rd ay, h ard ly a n h o ur a fte r I 'd r e ceiv ed E la in e S te in 's le tte r. I a sk ed fo r a n in te rv ie w fo r a ny p osit io n th ey m ig ht h ave. I w as s u rp ris e d th ey s a id th ey'd s e e me s o s o on.

"I'm h ere to s e e M is te r G old en, p le ase ." The r e cep tio nis t w ad dle s to th e b ack in h er te nte d d re ss. I tr y a nd c alm m y s h ak in g h and s. I p eek th ro ugh th e o pen d oor to a s m all, w ood-p anele d r o om in th e b ack . I n sid e, fo ur m en in s u it s b ang aw ay o n ty p ew rit e rs a nd s c ra tc h w it h p encils . T hey a re b ent o ver, h aggard , th re e w it h ju st a ho rs e sh o e o f h air le ft. T he r o om is g auzy w it h c ig are tte s m oke.

The r e cep tio nis t r e ap pears , th um bs m e to fo llo w h er, c ig are tte d anglin g in h er h and . " C om e o n back ." D esp it e m y n erv es, a ll I c an th in k o f is th e o ld c o lle ge r u le , A C hi O m eg a n ev er w alk s w it h a c ig are tte .

I fo llo w h er th ro ugh th e d esk s o f s ta rin g m en, th e h aze o f s m oke, to a n in te rio r o ffic e.

"C lo se th at th in g b ack ," M is te r G old en h o lle rs a s s o on a s I 'v e o pened th e d oor a nd s te p ped in .

"D on't le t a ll th at d am n s m oke in h ere ." Mis te r G old en s ta nd s u p b ehin d h is d esk . H e's a b out s ix in ches s h o rte r th an m e, tr im , y o unger th an my p are nts . H e h as lo ng te eth a nd a s n eer, th e g re ase d b la ck h air o f a m ean m an.

"D id n't y o u h ear? " h e s a id . " T hey a nno unced la st w eek c ig are tte s'll k ill y o u." "I h ad n't h eard th at." I c an o nly h o pe it h ad n't b een o n th e fr o nt p age o f h is n ew sp ap er.

"H ell, I k no w n ig gers a h und re d y ears o ld lo ok y o unger th an th o se id jit s o ut th ere ." H e s it s b ack dow n, b ut I k eep s ta nd in g b ecause th ere a re n o o th er c hair s in th e r o om .

"A lr ig ht, le t's s e e w hat y o u g o t." I h and h im m y r e su m e a nd s a m ple a rtic le s I 'd w rit te n in s c ho ol. I gre w u p w it h th e Jo urn al s it tin g o n o ur k it c hen ta b le , o pen to th e fa rm r e p ort o r th e lo cal s p orts page. I r a re ly h ad tim e to r e ad it m yse lf .

Mis te r G old en d oesn 't ju st lo ok a t m y p ap ers , h e e d it s th em w it h a r e d p encil. " M urra h H ig h e d it o r th re e y ears , Reb el R ouse r e d it o r tw o y ears , C hi O mega e d it o r th re e y ears , d oub le m ajo r E nglis h and jo urn alis m , g ra d uate d n um ber fo ur...

Dam n , g ir l, " h e m utte rs , " d id n't y o u h ave any fu n?" I c le ar m y th ro at. " Is . . . th at im porta nt? " He lo oks u p a t m e. " Y ou'r e p eculia rly ta ll b ut I 'd th in k a p re tty g ir l lik e y o u'd b e d atin g th e w ho le go ddam n b ask etb all te am ." I s ta re a t h im , n o t s u re if h e's m ak in g fu n o f m e o r p ayin g m e a c o m plim ent.

"I a ssu m e y o u k no w h o w to c le an . . ." H e lo oks b ack to m y a rtic le s, s tr ik es th em w it h v io le nt r e d mark s.

My fa ce flu sh es h o t a nd q uic k . " C le an? I 'm n o t h ere to c le an. I 'm h ere to writ e ." Cig are tte s m oke is b le ed in g u nd er th e d oor. I t's lik e th e e ntir e p la ce is o n fir e . I fe el s o s tu p id th at I th o ught I c o uld ju st w alk in a nd g et a jo b a s a jo urn alis t.

He s ig hs h eavily , h and s m e a th ic k fo ld er o f p ap ers . " I g uess y o u'll d o. M is s M yrn a's g o ne s h it - h o use cra zy o n u s, d ru nk h air s p ra y o r s o m eth in g. R ead th e a rtic le s, w rit e th e a nsw ers lik e s h e d oes, no body'll k no w th e d am n d if fe re nce." "I . . . w hat? " A nd I ta k e th e fo ld er b ecause I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to d o. I h ave n o id ea w ho th is Mis s M yrn a is . I a sk th e o nly s a fe q uestio n I c an th in k o f. " H ow m uch . . . d id y o u s a y it p ays? " He g iv es m e a s u rp ris in gly a p pre cia tiv e lo ok, fr o m m y fla t s h o es to m y fla t h air s ty le . S om e d orm ant in stin ct te lls m e to s m ile , r u n m y h and th ro ugh m y h air . I fe el r id ic ulo us, b ut I d o it .

"E ig ht d olla rs , e very M ond ay." I n o d, tr y in g to fig ure o ut h o w to a sk h im w hat th e jo b is w it h o ut g iv in g m yse lf a w ay.

He le ans fo rw ard . " Y ou d o k no w w ho M is s M yrn a is , d on't y o u?" "O f c o urs e . W e . . . g ir ls r e ad h er a ll th e tim e," I s a y, a nd a gain w e s ta re a t e ach o th er lo ng e no ugh fo r a d is ta nt te le p ho ne to r in g th re e tim es.

"W hat th en? E ig ht's n o t e no ugh? J e su s, w om an, g o c le an y o ur h usb and 's to ile t fo r fr e e." I b it e m y lip . B ut b efo re I c an u tte r a nyth in g, h e r o lls h is e yes.

"A lr ig ht, te n .

C opy's d ue o n T hurs d ays. A nd if I d on't lik e y o ur s ty le , I 'm n o t p rin tin g it o r p ayin g yo u s q uat." I ta k e th e fo ld er, th ank h im m ore th an I p ro bab ly s h o uld . H e ig no re s m e a nd p ic k s u p h is p ho ne a nd mak es a c all b efo re I 'm e ven o ut th e d oor. W hen I g et to m y c ar, I s in k d ow n in to th e s o ft C ad illa c le ath er. I s it th ere s m ilin g, r e ad in g th e p ages in th e fo ld er.

I ju st g o t a jo b.

I C O M E H O M E S TA N DIN G u p s tr a ig hte r th an I h ave s in ce I w as tw elv e, b efo re m y g ro w th s p urt.

I a m b uzzin g w it h p rid e. E ven th o ugh e very c ell in m y b ra in s a ys d o n o t, s o m eho w I c anno t r e sis t te llin g M oth er. I r u sh in to th e r e la xin g r o om a nd te ll h er e very th in g a b out h o w I 'v e g o tte n a jo b writ in g M is s M yrn a, th e w eek ly c le anin g a d vic e c o lu m n.

"O h th e ir o ny o f it ." S he le ts o ut a s ig h th at m eans lif e is h ard ly w orth liv in g u nd er s u ch c o nd it io ns.

Pasc ago ula fr e sh ens h er ic ed te a.

"A t le ast it 's a s ta rt," I s a y.

"A s ta rt a t w hat? G iv in g a d vic e o n h o w to k eep u p a h o m e w hen . . ." S he s ig hs a gain , lo ng a nd s lo w lik e a d efla tin g tir e .

I lo ok a w ay, w ond erin g if e very o ne in to w n w ill b e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. A lr e ad y th e jo y is fle etin g.

"E ugenia , y o u d on't e ven k no w h o w to p olis h s ilv er, m uch le ss a d vis e o n h o w to k eep a h o use cle an." I h ug th e fo ld er to m y c hest. S he's r ig ht, I w on't k no w h o w to a nsw er a ny o f th e q uestio ns. S till, I th o ught s h e'd a t le ast b e p ro ud o f m e.

"A nd y o u w ill n ever m eet a nyb ody s it tin g a t th at ty p ew rit e r. E ugenia , h ave s o m e s e nse ." Anger w ork s it s w ay u p m y a rm s. I s ta nd u p s tr a ig ht a gain . " Y ou th in k I want to liv e h ere ? W it h yo u ?" I la ugh in a w ay I 'm h o pin g w ill h urt h er.

I s e e th e q uic k p ain in h er e yes. S he p re sse s h er lip s to geth er a t th e s tin g. S till, I h ave n o d esir e to ta k e b ack m y w ord s b ecause fin ally , fin ally , I h ave s a id s o m eth in g s h e's lis te nin g to .

I s ta nd th ere , r e fu sin g to le ave. I w ant to h ear w hat s h e'll s a y to th is . I w ant to h ear h er s a y s h e's so rry .

"I n eed to . . . a sk y o u s o m eth in g, E ugenia ." S he tw is ts h er h and kerc hie f, g rim aces. " I r e ad th e o th er day a b out h o w s o m e . . . s o m e g ir ls g et u nb ala nced , s ta rt th in k in g th ese --w ell, th ese u n natu ra l th o ughts ." I h ave n o id ea w hat s h e's ta lk in g a b out. I lo ok u p a t th e c eilin g fa n. S om eo ne's s e t it g o in g to o fa st.

Cla ck ety -c la ck ety -c la ck ety . . .

"A re y o u . . . d o y o u . . . fin d m en a ttr a ctiv e? A re y o u h avin g u nnatu ra l th o ughts a b out . . ." S he sh uts h er e yes tig ht. " G ir ls o r- -o r w om en?" I s ta re a t h er, w is h in g th e c eilin g fa n w ould fly fr o m it s p ost, c ra sh d ow n o n u s b oth .

"B ecause it s a id in th is a rtic le th ere 's a c ure , a s p ecia l r o ot te a--" "M oth er," I s a y, s h uttin g m y e yes tig ht. " I w ant to b e w it h g ir ls a s m uch a s y o u'd lik e to b e w it h . . .

Ja m eso ." I h ead fo r th e d oor. B ut I g la nce b ehin d m e. " I m ean, u nle ss, o f c o urs e , y o u d o?" Moth er s tr a ig hte ns, g asp s. I p ound u p th e s ta ir s .

TH E N EX T D AY, I s ta ck th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs in a n eat p ile . I h ave th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs in m y p urs e , th e m onth ly a llo w ance M oth er s till g iv es m e. I g o d ow nsta ir s w earin g a th ic k C hris tia n s m ile . L iv in g at h o m e, w henever I w ant to le ave L ongle af, I h ave to a sk M oth er if I c an b orro w h er c ar. W hic h means s h e'll a sk w here I 'm g o in g. W hic h m eans I h ave to lie to h er o n a d aily b asis , w hic h is in it s e lf enjo yab le b ut a lit tle d egra d in g a t th e s a m e tim e.

"I'm g o in g d ow n to th e c hurc h, s e e if th ey n eed a ny h elp g ettin g r e ad y fo r S und ay s c ho ol. " "O h, d arlin g, th at's ju st w ond erfu l. T ak e y o ur tim e w it h th e c ar." I d ecid ed , la st n ig ht, w hat I n eed is a p ro fe ssio nal to h elp m e w it h th e c o lu m n. M y fir s t id ea w as to ask P asc ago ula , b ut I h ard ly k no w h er. P lu s I c o uld n't s ta nd th e th o ught o f M oth er n o sin g a ro und , crit ic iz in g m e a ll o ver a gain . H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay, is s o s h y I d oub t s h e'd w ant to h elp m e. T he only o th er m aid I s e e o fte n e no ugh is E liz a b eth 's m aid , A ib ile en. A ib ile en r e m in d s m e o f C onsta ntin e in a w ay. P lu s s h e's o ld er a nd s e em s to h ave p le nty o f e xp erie nce. On m y w ay to E liz a b eth 's , I g o b y th e B en F ra nk lin s to re a nd b uy a c lip board , a b ox o f n um ber tw o pencils , a b lu e-c lo th n o te b ook. M y fir s t c o lu m n is d ue to m orro w , o n M is te r G old en's d esk b y tw o o'c lo ck .

"S keete r, c o m e o n in ." E liz a b eth o pens h er o w n fr o nt d oor a nd I fe ar A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e w ork in g to day. S he h as o n a b lu e b ath ro be a nd ju m bo-siz e d r o lle rs , m ak in g h er h ead lo ok h uge, h er b ody even m ore w aif - lik e th an it is . E liz a b eth g enera lly h as r o lle rs in a ll d ay, c an n ever g et h er th in h air fu ll eno ugh.

"S orry I 'm s u ch a m ess. M ae M oble y k ep t m e u p h alf th e n ig ht a nd n o w I d on't e ven k no w w here Aib ile en's g o tte n o ff to ." I s te p in sid e th e tin y fo yer. I t's a lo w -c eilin ged h o use w it h s m all r o om s. E very th in g h as a s e co nd hand lo ok--th e fa d ed b lu e flo ra l c urta in s, th e c ro oked c o ver o n th e c o uch. I h ear R ale ig h's n ew acco untin g b usin ess is n 't d oin g w ell. M ayb e u p in N ew Y ork o r s o m ew here it 's a g o od th in g, b ut in Ja ck so n, M is sis sip pi, p eo ple ju st d on't c are to d o b usin ess w it h a r u d e, c o nd esc end in g a ssh o le .

Hilly 's c ar is o ut fr o nt, b ut s h e's n o w here to b e s e en. E liz a b eth s it s a t th e s e w in g m achin e s h e h as o n th e d in in g r o om ta b le . " I'm a lm ost d one," s h e s a ys. " L et m e ju st h em th is la st s e am . . ." E liz a b eth sta nd s, h o ld s u p a g re en c hurc h d re ss w it h a r o und w hit e c o lla r. " N ow b e h o nest," s h e w his p ers w it h eyes th at a re p le ad in g fo r m e to b e a nyth in g b ut. " D oes it lo ok h o m em ad e?" The h em o n o ne s id e h angs lo nger th an th e o th er. I t's w rin k le d a nd a c uff is a lr e ad y fr a yin g. " O ne hund re d p erc ent s to re -b ought. S tr a ig ht fr o m M ais o n B la nche's ," I s a y b ecause th at is E liz a b eth 's dre am s to re . I t is fiv e s to rie s o f e xp ensiv e c lo th es o n C anal S tr e et in N ew O rle ans, c lo th es th at co uld n ever b e fo und in J a ck so n. E liz a b eth g iv es m e a g ra te fu l s m ile .

"M ae M oble y's s le ep in g?" I a sk .

"F in ally ." E liz a b eth fid dle s w it h a c lu m p o f h air th at's s lip ped o ut o f h er r o lle r, g rim aces a t it s obstin acy. S om etim es h er v o ic e ta k es o n a h ard e d ge w hen s h e ta lk s a b out h er lit tle g ir l.

The d oor to th e g uest b ath ro om in th e h all o pens a nd H illy c o m es o ut ta lk in g, " . . . s o m uch b ette r.

Every b ody h as th eir o w n p la ce to g o n o w ." Eliz a b eth fid dle s w it h th e m achin e n eed le , s e em s w orrie d b y it .

"Y ou te ll R ale ig h I s a id Yo u a re w elc o m e ," H illy a d ds, a nd it h it s m e, th en, w hat's b ein g s a id .

Aib ile en h as h er o w n b ath ro om in th e g ara ge n o w .

Hilly s m ile s a t m e a nd I r e aliz e s h e's a b out to b rin g u p th e in it ia tiv e. " H ow 's y o ur m am a?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh I k no w th is is h er le ast fa vo rit e s u b je ct. " S he g et s e ttle d in th e h o m e a lr ig ht? " "I g uess." H illy p ulls h er r e d s w eate r d ow n o ver th e p ud gy r o ll in h er w ais t. S he h as o n r e d -a nd - gre en p la id p ants th at s e em to m agnif y h er b otto m , m ak in g it r o und er a nd m ore fo rc efu l th an e ver.

"O f c o urs e s h e d oesn 't a p pre cia te a th in g I d o. I h ad to fir e th at m aid fo r h er, c aught h er tr y in g to ste al th e d am n s ilv er r ig ht u nd er m y n o se ." H illy n arro w s h er e yes a b it . " Y 'a ll h aven't h eard , b y th e way, if th at M in ny J a ck so n is w ork in g s o m ew here , h ave y o u?" We s h ak e o ur h ead s n o .

"I d oub t s h e'll fin d w ork in th is to w n a gain ," E liz a b eth s a ys.

Hilly n o ds, m ullin g th is o ver. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , a nxio us to te ll th em m y n ew s.

"I ju st g o t a jo b a t th e Ja ck so n J o urn al ," I s a y.

There is q uie t in th e r o om . S ud denly E liz a b eth s q ueals . H illy s m ile s a t m e w it h s u ch p rid e, I b lu sh and s h ru g, lik e it 's n o t th at b ig o f a d eal.

"T hey'd b e a fo ol n o t to h ir e y o u, S keete r P hela n," H illy s a ys a nd r a is e s h er ic ed te a a s a to ast.

"S o . . . u m , h ave e it h er o f y 'a ll a ctu ally r e ad M is s M yrn a?" I a sk .

"W ell n o ," H illy s a ys. " B ut I b et th e p oor w hit e tr a sh g ir ls in S outh J a ck so n r e ad it lik e th e K in g Ja m es." Eliz a b eth n o ds. " A ll th o se p oor g ir ls w it h o ut h elp , I b et th ey d o." "W ould y o u m in d if I ta lk ed to A ib ile en?" I a sk E liz a b eth . " T o h elp m e a nsw er s o m e o f th e le tte rs ? " Eliz a b eth is v ery s till a s e co nd . " A ib ile en?

My A ib ile en?" " I s u re d on't k no w th e a nsw ers to th ese q uestio ns." "W ell . . . I m ean, a s lo ng a s it d oesn 't in te rfe re w it h h er w ork ." I p ause , s u rp ris e d b y th is a ttit u d e. B ut I r e m in d m yse lf th at E liz a b eth is p ayin g h er, a fte r a ll.

"A nd n o t to day w it h M ae M oble y a b out to g et u p o r e ls e I 'll h ave to lo ok a fte r h er m yse lf ." "O kay. M ayb e . . . m ayb e I 'll c o m e b y to m orro w m orn in g th en?" I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and . I f I fin is h ta lk in g to A ib ile en b y m id m orn in g, I 'll h ave tim e to r u sh h o m e to ty p e it u p , th en g et it b ack to to w n b y tw o.

Eliz a b eth fr o w ns d ow n a t h er s p ool o f g re en th re ad . " A nd o nly fo r a fe w m in ute s. T om orro w 's silv er- p olis h in g d ay." "It w on't b e lo ng, I p ro m is e ," I s a y.

Eliz a b eth is s ta rtin g to s o und ju st lik e m y m oth er.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G A T T EN , E liz a b eth o pens h er d oor, n o ds a t m e lik e a s c ho olt e acher. "A lr ig ht. G o o n in . A nd n o t to o lo ng n o w . M ae M oble y'll b e w ak in g u p a ny tim e." I w alk in to th e k it c hen, m y n o te b ook a nd p ap ers u nd er m y a rm . A ib ile en s m ile s a t m e fr o m th e s in k , her g o ld to oth s h in in g. S he's a lit tle p lu m p in th e m id dle , b ut it is a fr ie nd ly s o ftn ess. A nd s h e's m uch sh o rte r th an m e, b ecause w ho is n 't ? H er s k in is d ark b ro w n a nd s h in y a gain st h er s ta rc hy w hit e unif o rm . H er e yeb ro w s a re g ra y e ven th o ugh h er h air is b la ck .

"H ey, M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s till a t th e m achin e?" "Y es." I t's s tr a nge, e ven a fte r a ll th ese m onth s h o m e, to h ear E liz a b eth b ein g c alle d M is s L eefo lt - -n o t Mis s E liz a b eth o r e ven h er m aid en n am e, M is s F re d eric k s.

"M ay I ? " I p oin t to th e r e fr ig era to r. B ut b efo re I c an h elp m yse lf , A ib ile en's o pened it fo r m e.

"W hat y o u w ant? A C o-C ola ?" I n o d a nd s h e p ops th e c ap o ff w it h th e o pener m ounte d o n th e c o unte r, p ours it in to a g la ss.

"A ib ile en"- -I ta k e a d eep b re ath --"I w as w ond erin g if I c o uld g et y o ur h elp o n s o m eth in g." I te ll h er ab out th e c o lu m n th en, g ra te fu l w hen s h e n o ds th at s h e k no w s w ho M is s M yrn a is .

"S o m ayb e I c o uld r e ad y o u s o m e o f th e le tte rs a nd y o u c o uld ... h elp m e w it h th e a nsw ers . A fte r a while , m ayb e I 'll c atc h o n a nd . . ." I s to p. T here is n o w ay I 'll e ver b e a b le to a nsw er c le anin g questio ns m yse lf . H onestly , I h ave n o in te ntio n o f le arn in g h o w to c le an. " It s o und s u nfa ir , d oesn 't it , me ta k in g y o ur a nsw ers a nd a ctin g lik e th ey'r e m in e. O r M yrn a's , I m ean." I s ig h.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I d on't m in d th at. I ju st a in 't s o s u re M is s L eefo lt g o ne a p pro ve." "S he s a id it w as a lr ig ht." "D urin g m y r e gula r h o urs w ork in g?" I n o d, r e m em berin g th e p ro prie ty in E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"A lr ig ht th en." A ib ile en s h ru gs. S he lo oks u p a t th e c lo ck a b ove th e s in k . " I p ro bab ly h ave to s to p when M ae M oble y g ets u p ." "S ho uld w e s it ? " I p oin t to th e k it c hen ta b le .

Aib ile en g la nces a t th e s w in gin g d oor. " Y ou g o h ead , I 'm fin e s ta nd in g." I s p ent la st n ig ht r e ad in g e very M is s M yrn a a rtic le fr o m th e p re vio us fiv e y ears , b ut I h aven't h ad tim e to s o rt th ro ugh th e u nansw ere d le tte rs y et. I s tr a ig hte n m y c lip board , p encil in h and . " H ere 's a le tte r fr o m R ank in C ounty .

" ' Dea r M is s M yrn a, ' " I r e ad , " 'h ow d o I r e m ove t h e r in gs f ro m m y f a t s lo ven ly h usb and's sh ir t c o lla r w hen h e is s u ch a p ig a nd . . . a nd s w ea ts lik e o ne t o o . . .' " Wond erfu l. A c o lu m n o n c le anin g a nd r e la tio nsh ip s.

Tw o th in gs I k no w a b so lu te ly n o th in g a b out.

"W hic h o ne s h e w ant a g et r id o f? " A ib ile en a sk s. " T he r in gs o r th e h usb and ?" I s ta re a t th e p age. I w ould n't k no w h o w to in str u ct h er to d o e it h er o ne.

"T ell h er a v in egar a nd P in e-S ol s o ak . T hen le t it s e t in th e s u n a lit tle w hile ." I w rit e it q uic k ly o n m y p ad . " S it in th e s u n fo r h o w lo ng?" "B out a n h o ur. L et it d ry ." I p ull o ut th e n ext le tte r a nd , ju st a s q uic k ly , s h e a nsw ers it . A fte r fo ur o r fiv e, I e xhale , r e lie ved .

"T hank y o u, A ib ile en. Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch th is h elp s." "A in 't n o tr o ub le . L ong a s M is s L eefo lt d on't n eed m e." I g ath er u p m y p ap ers a nd ta k e a la st s ip o f m y C oke, le ttin g m yse lf r e la x fo r fiv e s e co nd s b efo re I have to g o w rit e th e a rtic le . A ib ile en p ic k s th ro ugh a s a ck o f g re en fid dle head s. T he r o om is q uie t excep t fo r th e r a d io p la yin g s o ftly , P re acher G re en a gain .

"H ow d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e? W ere y o u r e la te d ?" "W e . . . in th e s a m e c hurc h c ir c le ." A ib ile en s h if ts h er fe et in fr o nt o f th e s in k .

I fe el w hat h as b eco m e a fa m ilia r s tin g. " S he d id n't e ven le ave a n a d dre ss. I ju st- -I c an't b elie ve s h e quit lik e th at." Aib ile en k eep s h er e yes d ow n. S he s e em s to b e s tu d yin g th e fid dle head s v ery c are fu lly . " N o, I 'm rig ht s u re s h e w as le t g o ." "N o, M am a s a id s h e q uit . B ack in A pril. W ent to liv e u p in C hic ago w it h h er p eo ple ." Aib ile en p ic k s u p a no th er fid dle head , s ta rts w ash in g it s lo ng s te m , th e c urly g re en e nd s. " N o m a'a m ," sh e s a ys a fte r a p ause .

It ta k es m e a fe w s e co nd s to r e aliz e w hat w e'r e ta lk in g a b out h ere .

"A ib ile en," I s a y, tr y in g to c atc h h er e ye. " Y ou r e ally th in k C onsta ntin e w as fir e d ?" But A ib ile en's fa ce h as g o ne b la nk a s th e b lu e s k y. " I m ust b e m is re m em orin g," s h e s a ys a nd I c an te ll s h e th in k s s h e's s a id to o m uch to a w hit e w om an.

We h ear M ae M oble y c allin g o ut a nd A ib ile en e xcuse s h ers e lf a nd h ead s th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor.

A fe w s e co nd s p ass b efo re I h ave th e s e nse to g o h o m e.

WHEN I W alk in T H E H O USE te n m in ute s la te r, M oth er is r e ad in g a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

"M oth er," I s a y, c lu tc hin g m y n o te b ook to m y c hest, " d id y o u fir e C onsta ntin e?" "D id I . . .

what ?" M oth er a sk s. B ut I k no w s h e's h eard m e b ecause s h e's s e t th e D AR n ew sle tte r dow n. I t ta k es a h ard q uestio n to p ull h er e yes o ff th at r iv etin g m ate ria l.

"E ugenia , I to ld y o u, h er s is te r w as s ic k s o s h e w ent u p to C hic ago to liv e w it h h er p eo ple ," s h e sa ys. " W hy? W ho to ld y o u d if fe re nt? " I w ould n ever in a m illio n y ears te ll h er it w as A ib ile en. " I h eard it th is a fte rn o on. I n to w n." "W ho w ould ta lk a b out s u ch a th in g?" M oth er n arro w s h er e yes b ehin d h er r e ad in g g la sse s. " It must'v e b een o ne o f th e o th er N ig ra s." "W hat d id y o u do to h er, M oth er? " Moth er lic k s h er lip s, g iv es m e a g o od, lo ng lo ok o ver h er b if o cals . " Y ou w ould n't u nd ers ta nd , Eugenia . N ot u ntil y o u'v e h ir e d h elp o f y o ur o w n." "Y ou . . .

fir e d h er? F or w hat? " "It d oesn 't m atte r. I t's b ehin d m e n o w a nd I ju st w on't th in k a b out it a no th er m in ute ." "M oth er, s h e r a is e d m e. Y ou te ll m e r ig ht n o w w hat h ap pened !" I 'm d is g uste d b y th e s q ueak in ess o f my v o ic e, th e c hild is h s o und o f m y d em and s.

Moth er r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s a t m y to ne, ta k es h er g la sse s o ff. " It w as n o th in g b ut a c o lo re d th in g.

And th at's a ll I 'm s a yin g." S he p uts h er g la sse s b ack o n a nd lif ts h er D AR s h eet to h er e yes.

I'm s h ak in g, I 'm s o m ad . I p ound m y w ay u p th e s ta ir s . I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r, s tu nned th at m y moth er c o uld c ast o ff s o m eo ne w ho 'd d one h er th e b ig gest fa vo r o f h er lif e , r a is e h er c hild re n, te ach me k in d ness a nd s e lf - re sp ect. I s ta re a cro ss m y r o om a t th e r o se w allp ap er, th e e yele t c urta in s, th e yello w in g p ho to gra p hs s o fa m ilia r th ey a re n early c o nte m ptib le . C onsta ntin e w ork ed fo r o ur fa m ily fo r tw enty -n in e y ears .

FO R T H E N EX T W EEK , D ad dy r is e s b efo re d aw n. I w ak e to tr u ck m oto rs , th e c hug o f th e co m bin es s ta rtin g, th e h o lle rs to h urry . T he fie ld s a re b ro w n a nd c ris p w it h d ead c o tto n s ta lk s, defo lia te d s o th e m achin es c an g et to th e b olls . C otto n h arv est is h ere .

Dad dy d oesn 't e ven s to p fo r c hurc h d urin g h arv est tim e, b ut o n S und ay n ig ht, I c atc h h im in th e dusk y h all, b etw een h is s u p per a nd s le ep . " D ad dy?" I a sk . " W ill y o u te ll m e w hat h ap pened to Consta ntin e?" He is s o d og-tir e d , h e s ig hs b efo re h e a nsw ers .

"H ow c o uld M oth er fir e h er, D ad dy?" "W hat? D arlin ', C onsta ntin e q uit . Y ou k no w y o ur m oth er w ould n ever fir e h er." H e lo oks dis a p poin te d in m e fo r a sk in g s u ch a th in g.

"D o y o u k no w w here s h e w ent? O r h ave h er a d dre ss? " He s h ak es h is h ead n o . " A sk y o ur m am a, s h e'll k no w ." H e p ats m y s h o uld er. " P eo ple m ove o n, Skeete r. B ut I w is h s h e'd s ta yed d ow n h ere w it h u s." He w and ers d ow n th e h all to b ed . H e is to o h o nest a m an to h id e th in gs s o I k no w h e d oesn 't h ave any m ore fa cts a b out it th an I d o.

That w eek a nd e very w eek , s o m etim es tw ic e, I s to p b y E liz a b eth 's to ta lk to A ib ile en. E ach tim e, Eliz a b eth lo oks a lit tle w arie r. T he lo nger I s ta y in th e k it c hen, th e m ore c ho re s E liz a b eth c o m es u p wit h u ntil I le ave: th e d oork no bs n eed p olis h in g, th e to p o f th e r e fr ig era to r n eed s d ustin g, M ae Moble y's fin gern ails c o uld u se a tr im . A ib ile en is n o m ore th an c o rd ia l w it h m e, n erv o us, s ta nd s a t th e k it c hen s in k a nd n ever s to ps w ork in g. I t's n o t lo ng b efo re I a m a head o f c o py a nd M is te r Gold en s e em s p le ase d w it h th e c o lu m n, th e fir s t tw o o f w hic h o nly to ok m e a b out tw enty m in ute s to writ e .

And e very w eek , I a sk A ib ile en a b out C onsta ntin e. C an't s h e g et h er a d dre ss fo r m e? C an't s h e te ll me a nyth in g a b out w hy s h e g o t fir e d ? W as th ere a b ig to -d o, b ecause I ju st c an't im agin e Consta ntin e s a yin g yes m a'a m a nd w alk in g o ut th e b ack d oor. M am a'd g et c ro ss w it h h er a b out a ta rn is h ed s p oon a nd C onsta ntin e w ould s e rv e h er to ast b urn ed u p fo r a w eek . I c an o nly im agin e ho w a fir in g w ould 'v e g o ne.

It h ard ly m atte rs , th o ugh, b ecause a ll A ib ile en w ill d o is s h ru g a t m e, s a y s h e d on't k no w n o th in g.

One a fte rn o on, a fte r a sk in g A ib ile en h o w to g et o ut to ugh tu b r in gs ( n ever h avin g s c ru b bed a bath tu b in m y lif e ), I c o m e h o m e. I w alk p ast th e r e la xin g r o om . T he te le vis io n s e t is o n a nd I g la nce at it . P asc ago ula 's s ta nd in g a b out fiv e in ches a w ay fr o m th e s c re en. I h ear th e w ord s Ole M is s a nd on th e fu zzy s c re en I s e e w hit e m en in d ark s u it s c ro w din g th e c am era , s w eat r u nnin g o ff th eir b ald head s. I c o m e c lo se r a nd s e e a N egro m an, a b out m y a ge, s ta nd in g in th e m id dle o f th e w hit e m en, wit h A rm y m en b ehin d h im . T he p ic tu re p ans b ack a nd th ere is m y o ld a d m in is tr a tio n b uild in g.

Govern o r R oss B arn ett s ta nd s w it h h is a rm s c ro sse d , lo okin g th e ta ll N egro in th e e ye. N ext to th e go vern o r is o ur S enato r W hit w orth , w ho se s o n H illy 's b een tr y in g to s e t m e u p w it h o n a b lin d d ate .

I w atc h th e te le vis io n, r iv ete d . Y et I a m n eit h er th rille d n o r d is a p poin te d b y th e n ew s th at th ey m ig ht le t a c o lo re d m an in to O le M is s, ju st s u rp ris e d . P asc ago ula , th o ugh, is b re ath in g s o lo ud I c an h ear her. S he s ta nd s s to ck -still, n o t a w are I a m b ehin d h er. R oger S tic k er, o ur lo cal r e p orte r, is n erv o us, sm ilin g, ta lk in g fa st. " P re sid ent K enned y h as o rd ere d th e g o vern o r to s te p a sid e fo r J a m es M ere d it h , I r e p eat, th e P re sid ent o f th e U nit e d --" "E ugenia , P asc ago ula ! T urn th at s e t o ff r ig ht th is m in ute !" Pasc ago ula je rk s a ro und to s e e m e a nd M oth er. S he r u sh es o ut o f th e r o om , h er e yes to th e flo or.

"N ow , I w on't h ave it , E ugenia ," M oth er w his p ers . " I w on't h ave y o u e nco ura gin g th em lik e th at." "E nco ura gin g? I t's n atio nw id e n ew s, M am a." Moth er s n if fs . " It is n o t a p pro pria te fo r th e tw o o f y o u to w atc h to geth er," a nd s h e flip s th e c hannel, sto ps o n a n a fte rn o on r e ru n o f L aw re nce W elk .

"L ook, is n 't th is s o m uch n ic er? " On a H O T S ATU RD AY in la te S ep te m ber, th e c o tto n fie ld s c ho pped a nd e m pty , D ad dy c arrie s a new R C A c o lo r te le vis io n s e t in to th e h o use . H e m oves th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e o ne to th e k it c hen.

Sm ilin g a nd p ro ud , h e p lu gs th e n ew T V in to th e w all o f th e r e la xin g r o om . T he O le M is s v ers u s LSU fo otb all g am e b la re s th ro ugh th e h o use fo r th e r e st o f th e a fte rn o on.

Mam a, o f c o urs e , is g lu ed to th e c o lo r p ic tu re , o ohin g a nd a ahin g a t th e v ib ra nt r e d s a nd b lu es o f th e te am . S he a nd D ad dy liv e b y R eb el fo otb all. S he's d re sse d u p in r e d w ool p ants d esp it e th e sw elt e rin g h eat a nd h as D ad dy's o ld K ap pa A lp ha b la nk et d ra p ed o n th e c hair . N o o ne m entio ns Ja m es M ere d it h , th e c o lo re d s tu d ent th ey le t in .

I ta k e th e C ad illa c a nd h ead in to to w n. M oth er fin d s it in exp lic ab le th at I d on't w ant to w atc h m y alm a m ate r th ro w a b all a ro und . B ut E liz a b eth a nd h er fa m ily a re a t H illy 's w atc hin g th e g am e s o Aib ile en's w ork in g in th e h o use a lo ne. I 'm h o pin g it 'll b e a lit tle e asie r o n A ib ile en if E liz a b eth 's n o t th ere . T ru th is , I 'm h o pin g s h e'll te ll m e s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, a b out C onsta ntin e.

Aib ile en le ts m e in a nd I fo llo w h er b ack to th e k it c hen. S he s e em s o nly th e s m alle st b it m ore re la xed in E liz a b eth 's e m pty h o use . S he e yes th e k it c hen ta b le , lik e s h e w ants to s it to day. B ut w hen I a sk h er, s h e a nsw ers , " N o, I 'm fin e. Y ou g o h ead ." S he ta k es a to m ato fr o m a p an in th e s in k a nd sta rts to p eel it w it h a k nif e .

So I le an a gain st th e c o unte r a nd p re se nt th e la te st c o nund ru m : h o w to k eep th e d ogs fr o m g ettin g in to y o ur tr a sh cans o uts id e. B ecause y o ur la zy h usb and fo rg ets to p ut it o ut o n th e r ig ht p ic k -u p d ay.

Sin ce h e d rin k s a ll th at d am n b eer.

"J u st p our s o m e p neum onia in th at g arb age. D ogs w on't s o m uch a s w in k a t th em c ans." I jo t it dow n, a m end in g it to a m monia , a nd p ic k o ut th e n ext le tte r. W hen I lo ok u p , A ib ile en's k in d o f sm ilin g a t m e.

"I d on't m ean n o th in g d is re sp ectfu l, M is s S keete r, b ut . . . a in 't it k in d a s tr a nge y o u b ein g th e n ew Mis s M yrn a w hen y o u d on't k no w n o th in g a b out h o use k eep in g?" She d id n't s a y it th e w ay M oth er d id , a m onth a go . I fin d m yse lf la ughin g in ste ad , a nd I te ll h er w hat I'v e to ld n o o ne e ls e , a b out th e p ho ne c alls a nd th e r e su m e I 'd s e nt to H arp er & R ow . T hat I w ant to b e a w rit e r. T he a d vic e I r e ceiv ed fr o m E la in e S te in . I t's n ic e to te ll s o m eb ody.

Aib ile en n o ds, tu rn s h er k nif e a ro und a no th er s o ft r e d to m ato . " M y b oy T re elo re , h e lik e to w rit e ." "I d id n't k no w y o u h ad a s o n." "H e d ead . T w o y ears n o w ." "O h, I 'm s o s o rry ," I s a y a nd fo r a m om ent it 's ju st P re acher G re en in th e r o om , th e s o ft p at o f to m ato s k in s a gain st th e s in k .

"M ad e s tr a ig ht A s o n e ver E nglis h te st h e ta k e. T hen la te r, w hen h e g ro w n, h e p ic k h im se lf u p a ty p ew rit e r a nd s ta rt w ork in g o n a id ea . . ." T he p in -tu ck ed s h o uld ers o f h er u nif o rm s lu m p d ow n.

"S ay h e g o ne w rit e h im se lf a b ook." "W hat k in d o f id ea?" I a sk . " I m ean, if y o u d on't m in d te llin g . . ." Aib ile en s a ys n o th in g fo r a w hile . K eep s p eelin g to m ato es a ro und a nd a ro und . " H e r e ad th is b ook call In vis ib le M an.

W hen h e d one, h e s a y h e g o ne w rit e d ow n w hat it w as lik e to b e c o lo re d work in g fo r a w hit e m an in M is sis sip pi. " I lo ok a w ay, k no w in g th is is w here m y m oth er w ould s to p th e c o nvers a tio n. T his is w here s h e'd sm ile a nd c hange th e s u b je ct to th e p ric e o f s ilv er p olis h o r w hit e r ic e.

"I r e ad In vis ib le M an , to o, a fte r h e d id ," A ib ile en s a ys. " I lik ed it a lr ig ht." I n o d, e ven th o ugh I 'v e n ever r e ad it . I h ad n't th o ught o f A ib ile en a s a r e ad er b efo re .

"H e w ro te a lm ost fif ty p ages," s h e s a ys. " I le t h is g ir l F ra nces k eep h o ld o f e m ." Aib ile en s to ps p eelin g. I s e e h er th ro at m ove w hen s h e s w allo w s. " P le ase d on't te ll n o body th at," s h e sa ys, s o fte r n o w , " h im w antin g to w rit e a b out h is w hit e b oss." S he b it e s h er lip a nd it s tr ik es m e th en th at s h e's s till a fr a id fo r h im . E ven th o ugh h e's d ead , th e in stin ct to b e a fr a id fo r h er s o n is s till th ere .

"It's fin e th at y o u to ld m e, A ib ile en. I th in k it w as . . . a b ra ve id ea." Aib ile en h o ld s m y g aze fo r a m om ent. T hen s h e p ic k s u p a no th er to m ato a nd s e ts th e k nif e a gain st th e s k in . I w atc h, w ait fo r th e r e d ju ic e to s p ill. B ut A ib ile en s to ps b efo re s h e c uts , g la nces a t th e kit c hen d oor.

"I d on't th in k it 's fa ir , y o u n o t k no w in g w hat h ap pen to C onsta ntin e. I ju st- -I'm s o rry , I d on't fe el rig ht ta lk in g to y o u a b out it ." I s ta y q uie t, n o t s u re w hat's s p urre d th is , n o t w antin g to r u in it .

"I'll te ll y o u th o ugh, it w as s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er d aughte r. C om in g to s e e y o ur m am a." "D aughte r? C onsta ntin e n ever to ld m e s h e h ad a d aughte r." I k new C onsta ntin e fo r tw enty -th re e years . W hy w ould s h e k eep th is fr o m m e?

"It w as h ard fo r h er. T he b ab y c o m e o ut r e al . . . p ale ." I h o ld s till, r e m em berin g w hat C onsta ntin e to ld m e, y ears a go . " Y ou m ean, lig ht? L ik e . . . w hit e ?" Aib ile en n o ds, k eep in g a t h er ta sk in th e s in k . " H ad to s e nd h er a w ay, u p n o rth I th in k ." "C onsta ntin e's fa th er w as w hit e ," I s a y. " O h . . . A ib ile en . . . y o u d on't th in k . . ." A n u gly th o ught is ru nnin g th ro ugh m y h ead . I a m to o s h o ck ed to fin is h m y s e nte nce.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " N o n o , n o m a'a m . N ot... th at. C onsta ntin e's m an, C onno r, h e w as co lo re d . B ut s in ce C onsta ntin e h ad h er d ad dy's b lo od in h er, h er b ab y c o m e o ut a h ig h y ello w . I t . . .

hap pens." I fe el a sh am ed fo r h avin g th o ught th e w ors t. S till, I d on't u nd ers ta nd . " W hy d id n't C onsta ntin e e ver te ll m e?" I a sk , n o t r e ally e xp ectin g a n a nsw er. " W hy w ould s h e s e nd h er a w ay?" Aib ile en n o ds to h ers e lf , lik e s h e u nd ers ta nd s. B ut I d on't . " T hat w as th e w ors t o ff I e ver s e en h er.

Consta ntin e m ust a s a id a th o usa nd tim es, s h e c o uld n't w ait fo r th e d ay w hen s h e g o t h er b ack ." "Y ou s a id th e d aughte r, s h e h ad s o m eth in g to d o w it h C onsta ntin e g ettin g fir e d ? W hat h ap pened ?" At th is , A ib ile en's fa ce g o es b la nk . T he c urta in h as d ra w n. S he n o ds to w ard th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs , mak in g it c le ar th at's a ll s h e's w illin g to s a y. A t le ast r ig ht n o w .

TH AT A FTER N OON, I s to p b y H illy 's fo otb all p arty . T he s tr e et is lin ed w it h s ta tio n w ago ns a nd lo ng B uic k s. I fo rc e m yse lf th ro ugh th e d oor, k no w in g I 'll b e th e o nly s in gle o ne th ere . I n sid e, th e liv in g r o om is fu ll o f c o up le s o n th e s o fa s, th e c hais e s, th e a rm s o f c hair s . W iv es s it s tr a ig ht w it h th eir le gs c ro sse d , w hile h usb and s le an fo rw ard . A ll e yes a re o n th e w ooden te le vis io n s e t. I s ta nd in th e back , e xchange a fe w s m ile s, s ile nt h ello s. E xcep t fo r th e a nno uncer, th e r o om is q uie t.

"W hooooooa!" th ey a ll y ell a nd h and s fly in th e a ir a nd w om en s ta nd a nd c la p a nd c la p . I c hew a t my c utic le .

"T hat's it , R eb els ! Y ou s h o w th o se T ig ers !" "G o, R eb els !" c heers M ary F ra nces T ru ly , ju m pin g u p a nd d ow n in h er m atc hin g s w eate r s e t. I lo ok at m y n ail w here m y c utic le h angs o ff, s tin gin g a nd p in k . T he r o om is th ic k w it h b ourb on-sm ell a nd re d w ool a nd d ia m ond r in gs. I w ond er if th e g ir ls r e ally c are a b out fo otb all, o r if th ey ju st a ct th is way to im pre ss th eir h usb and s. I n m y fo ur m onth s o f b ein g in th e L eague, I 'v e n ever o nce h ad a g ir l ask m e, " H ow b out th em R eb s? " I c hat m y w ay th ro ugh s o m e c o up le s u ntil I m ak e it to th e k it c hen. H illy 's ta ll, th in m aid , Y ule M ay, is fo ld in g d ough a ro und tin y s a usa ges. A no th er c o lo re d g ir l, y o unger, w ash es d is h es a t th e s in k . H illy waves m e o ver, w here s h e's ta lk in g to D eena D ora n. ". . . b est d arn p etit fo ur I 'v e e ver ta ste d ! D eena, y o u m ig ht b e th e m ost ta le nte d c o ok in th e League!" H illy s tu ffs th e r e st o f th e c ak e in h er m outh , n o ddin g a nd m m-m min g.

"W hy, th ank y o u, H illy , th ey'r e h ard b ut I th in k th ey'r e w orth it ." D eena is b eam in g, lo oks lik e s h e mig ht c ry u nd er H illy 's a d ora tio n.

"S o y o u'll d o it ? O h, I 'm s o g la d . T he b ak e s a le c o m mit te e re a lly n eed s s o m eb ody lik e y o u." "A nd h o w m any d id y o u n eed ?" "F iv e h und re d , b y to m orro w a fte rn o on." Deena's s m ile fr e eze s. " O kay. I g uess I c an . . . w ork th ro ugh th e n ig ht." "S keete r, y o u m ad e it ," H illy s a ys a nd D eena w and ers o ut o f th e k it c hen.

"I c an't s ta y lo ng," I s a y, p ro bab ly to o q uic k ly .

"W ell, I fo und o ut." H illy s m ir k s. " H e is d efin it e ly c o m in g th is tim e. T hre e w eek s fr o m to day." I w atc h Y ule M ay's lo ng fin gers p in ch th e d ough o ff a k nif e a nd I s ig h, k no w in g r ig ht a w ay w ho s h e means. " I d on't k no w , H illy . Y ou'v e tr ie d s o m any tim es. M ayb e it 's a s ig n." L ast m onth , w hen h e'd cancele d th e d ay b efo re th e d ate , I 'd a ctu ally a llo w ed m yse lf a b it o f e xcit e m ent. I d on't r e ally fe el lik e g o in g th ro ugh th at a gain .

"W hat? D on't y o u d are s a y th at." "H illy ," I c le nch m y te eth , b ecause it 's tim e I fin ally ju st s a id it , " y o u k no w I w on't b e h is ty p e." "L ook a t m e," s h e s a ys. A nd I d o a s I 'm to ld . B ecause th at is w hat w e d o a ro und H illy .

"H illy , y o u c an't m ak e m e g o --" "It is yo ur t im e , S keete r." S he r e aches o ver a nd s q ueeze s m y h and , p re sse s h er th um b a nd fin gers dow n a s h ard a s C onsta ntin e e ver d id . " It is y o ur tu rn . A nd d am n it , I 'm n o t g o in g to le t y o u m is s th is ju st b ecause y o ur m oth er c o nvin ced y o u y o u'r e n o t g o od e no ugh fo r s o m eb ody lik e h im ." I'm s tu ng b y h er b it te r, tr u e w ord s. A nd y et, I a m a w ed b y m y fr ie nd , b y h er te nacit y fo r m e. H illy and I 'v e a lw ays b een u nco m pro m is in gly h o nest w it h e ach o th er, e ven a b out th e lit tle th in gs. W it h oth er p eo ple , H illy h and s o ut lie s lik e th e P re sb yte ria ns h and o ut g uilt , b ut it 's o ur o w n s ile nt agre em ent, th is s tr ic t h o nesty , p erh ap s th e o ne th in g th at h as k ep t u s fr ie nd s.

Eliz a b eth c o m es in th e k it c hen c arry in g a n e m pty p la te . S he s m ile s, th en s to ps, a nd w e a ll th re e lo ok at e ach o th er.

"W hat? " E liz a b eth s a ys. I c an te ll s h e th in k s w e'v e b een ta lk in g a b out h er.

"T hre e w eek s th en?" H illy a sk s m e. " Y ou c o m in g?" "O h y es y o u a re ! Y ou m ost c erta in ly a re g o in g!" E liz a b eth s a ys.

I lo ok in th eir s m ilin g fa ces, a t th eir h o pe fo r m e. I t's n o t lik e M oth er's m ed dlin g, b ut a c le an h o pe, wit h o ut s tr in gs o r h urt. I h ate th at m y fr ie nd s h ave d is c usse d th is , m y o ne n ig ht's fa te , b ehin d m y back . I h ate it a nd I lo ve it to o.

I H EA D b ack to th e c o untr y b efo re th e g am e is o ver. O ut th e o pen w in d ow o f th e C ad illa c, th e fie ld s lo ok c ho pped a nd b urn ed . D ad dy fin is h ed th e la st h arv est w eek s a go , b ut th e s id e o f th e r o ad is s till s n o w y w it h c o tto n s tu ck in th e g ra ss. W hif fs o f it b lo w a nd flo at th ro ugh th e a ir .

I c heck th e m ailb ox fr o m th e d riv er's s e at. I n sid e is The F arm er's A lm anac a nd a s in gle le tte r. I t is fr o m H arp er & R ow . I tu rn in to th e d riv e, th ro w th e g ear in to P ark . T he le tte r is h and w rit te n, o n sm all s q uare n o te p ap er.

Mis s P hela n, Yo u c erta in ly m ay h one y o ur w rit in g s k ills o n s u ch f la t, p assio nle ss s u bje cts a s d ru nk d riv in g and illit e ra cy. I ' d h oped , h ow ev er, y o u'd c h oose t o pic s t h at a ctu ally h ad s o m e p unch t o t h em .

Keep lo okin g. I f y o u f in d s o m eth in g o rig in al, o nly t h en m ay y o u w rit e m e a gain .

I s lip p ast M oth er in th e d in in g r o om , in vis ib le P asc ago ula d ustin g p ic tu re s in th e h all, u p m y s te ep , vic io us s ta ir s . M y fa ce b urn s. I fig ht th e te ars o ver M is su s S te in 's le tte r, te ll m yse lf to p ull it to geth er.

The w ors t p art is , I d on't h ave a ny b ette r id eas.

I b ury m yse lf in th e n ext h o use k eep in g a rtic le , th en th e L eague n ew sle tte r. F or th e s e co nd w eek in a ro w , I le ave o ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e. A n h o ur la te r, I fin d m yse lf s ta rin g o ff a t th e w in d ow . M y co py o f Let U s N ow P ra is e F am ous M en s it s o n th e w in d ow le d ge. I w alk o ver a nd p ic k it u p , afr a id th e lig ht w ill fa d e th e p ap er ja ck et, th e b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to o f th e h um ble , im poveris h ed fa m ily o n th e c o ver. T he b ook is w arm a nd h eavy fr o m th e s u n. I w ond er if I 'll e ver w rit e a nyth in g worth a nyth in g a t a ll. I tu rn w hen I h ear P asc ago ula 's k no ck o n m y d oor. T hat's w hen th e id ea co m es to m e.

No. I c o uld n't . T hat w ould b e... c ro ssin g t h e lin e.

But th e id ea w on't g o a w ay.

AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 7 T H E H EAT W AV E fin ally p asse s r o und th e m id dle a O cto ber a nd w e g et o urs e lv es a c o ol fif ty d egre es. I n th e m orn in gs, th at b ath ro om s e at g et c o ld o ut th ere , g iv e m e a lit tle s ta rt w hen I s e t d ow n. I t's ju st a lit tle r o om th ey b uilt in sid e th e c arp ort. I n sid e is a to ile t a nd a lit tle s in k a tta ched to t h e w all. A p ull c o rd fo r th e lig htb ulb . P ap er h ave to s e t o n th e flo or.

W hen I w ait e d o n M is s C aulie r, h er c arp ort a tta ch to th e h o use s o I d id n't h ave to g o o uts id e. P la ce b efo re th at h ad a m aid q uarte rs . P lu s m y o w n lit tle b ed ro om fo r w hen I s it a t n ig ht. T his o ne I g o t to c ro ss th ro ugh th e w eath er to g et th ere .

O n a T uesd ay n o on, I c arry m y lu nch o n o ut to th e b ack s te p s, s e t d ow n o n th e c o ol c o ncre te . M is s L eefo lt 's g ra ss d on't g ro w g o od b ack h ere . A b ig m agno lia tr e e s h ad es m ost a th e y ard . I a lr e ad y k no w th at's th e tr e e g o ne b e M ae M oble y's h id eo ut. I n a b out fiv e y ears , to h id e fr o m M is s L eefo lt .

A fte r a w hile , M ae M oble y w ad dle o ut o n th e b ack s te p . S he g o t h alf h er h am burg er p atty in h er h and . S he s m ile u p a t m e a nd s a y, " G ood." " H ow c o m e y o u n o t in th ere w it h y o ur m am a?" I a sk , b ut I k no w w hy. S he r a th er b e s e ttin g o ut h ere w it h th e h elp th an in th ere w atc hin g h er m am a lo ok a nyw here b ut a t h er. S he lik e o ne a th em b ab y c hic k ens th at g et c o nfu se d a nd fo llo w th e d uck s a ro und in ste ad .

M ae M oble y p oin t a t th e b lu eb ir d s g ettin g r e ad y fo r w in te r, tw it te rin g in th e lit tle g ra y fo unta in . " B oo b ir d s!" S he p oin t a nd d ro p h er h am burg er d ow n o n th e s te p . O ut a n o w here , th at o ld b ir d d og A ub ie th ey d on't n ever p ay n o m in d to c o m e u p a nd g o bble it d ow n. I d on't ta k e to d ogs, b ut th is o ne is ju st p la in p it if u l. I p et h im o n th e h ead . I b et n o body p ette d th at d og s in ce C hris tm as.

W hen M ae M oble y s e e h im , s h e s q ueal a nd g ra b a t h is ta il. I t w hap h er in th e fa ce a fe w tim es b efo re s h e g et h o lt . P oor th in g, h e w hin e a nd g iv e h er o ne a th o se p it if u l p eo ple -d og lo oks, h is h ead t u rn ed fu nny, h is e yeb ro w s u p . I c an a lm ost h ear h im a sk in g h er to tu rn h im lo ose . H e a in 't th e b it in g k in d .

S o s h e'll le t g o , I s a y, " M ae M oble y, w here y o ur ta il? " S ho n uff, s h e le t g o a nd s ta rt lo okin g a t h er r e ar. H er m outh 's p opped o pen lik e s h e ju st c an't b elie ve s h e d one m is se d it a ll th is tim e. S he tu rn in g in w obbly c ir c le s tr y in g to s e e it .

" Y ou a in 't g o t n o ta il. " I la ugh a nd c atc h h er fo re s h e fa ll o ff th at s te p . D og s n if f a ro und fo r m ore h am burg er.

I t a lw ays tic k le m e h o w th ese b ab ie s b elie ve a nyth in g y o u te ll e m . T ate F orre st, o ne a m y u se d -to - b e b ab ie s lo ng tim e a go , s to p m e o n th e w ay to th e J it n ey ju st la st w eek , g iv e m e a b ig h ug, s o h ap py to s e e m e. H e a g ro w n m an n o w . I n eed ed to g et b ack to M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut h e s ta rt la ughin g a nd m em orin g h o w I 'd d o h im w hen h e w as a b oy. H ow th e fir s t tim e h is fo ot fe ll a sle ep a nd h e s a y i t tic k le , I to ld h im th at w as ju st h is fo ot s n o rin g. A nd h o w I to ld h im d on't d rin k c o ffe e o r h e g o ne t u rn c o lo re d . H e s a y h e s till a in 't d ru nk a c up a c o ffe e a nd h e tw enty -o ne y ears o ld . I t's a lw ays n ic e s e ein g th e k id s g ro w n u p fin e.

"M ae M oble y? M ae M oble y L eefo lt ! " Mis s L eefo lt ju st n o w n o tic in g h er c hild a in 't s e ttin g in th e s a m e r o om w it h h er. " S he o ut h ere w it h me, M is s L eefo lt ," I s a y th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor.

"I to ld y o u to e at in y o ur h ig h c hair , M ae M oble y. H ow I e nd ed u p w it h y o u w hen a ll m y fr ie nd s have a ngels I ju st d o n o t k no w . . ." B ut th en th e p ho ne r in g a nd I h ear h er s to m pin g o ff to g et it .

I lo ok d ow n a t B ab y G ir l, s e e h o w h er fo re head 's a ll w rin k le d u p b etw een th e e yes. S he s tu d yin g hard o n s o m eth in g.

I to uch h er c heek . " Y ou a lr ig ht, b ab y?" She s a y, " M ae M o b ad ." The w ay s h e s a y it , lik e it 's a fa ct, m ak e m y in sid es h urt.

"M ae M oble y," I s a y c ause I g o t a n o tio n to tr y s o m eth in g. " Y ou a s m art g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e, lik e s h e d on't k no w .

"Y ou a s m art g ir l, " I s a y a gain .

She s a y, " M ae M o s m art." I s a y, " Y ou a k in d lit tle g ir l? " She ju st lo ok a t m e. S he tw o y ears o ld . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e is y et.

I s a y, " Y ou a k in d g ir l, " a nd s h e n o d, r e p eat it b ack to m e. B ut b efo re I c an d o a no th er o ne, s h e g et up a nd c hase th at p oor d og a ro und th e y ard a nd la ugh a nd th at's w hen I g et to w ond erin g, w hat would h ap pen if I to ld h er s h e s o m eth in g g o od, e ver d ay?

She tu rn fr o m th e b ir d bath a nd s m ile a nd h o lle r, " H i, A ib ee. I lo ve y o u, A ib ee," a nd I fe el a tic k ly fe elin g, s o ft lik e th e fla p a b utte rfly w in gs, w atc hin g h er p la y o ut th ere . T he w ay I u se d to fe el watc hin g T re elo re . A nd th at m ak es m e k in d a s a d , m em orin g.

Afte r w hile , M ae M oble y c o m e o ver a nd p re ss h er c heek u p to m in e a nd ju st h o ld it th ere , lik e s h e kno w I b e h urtin g. I h o ld h er tig ht, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a kin d g ir l, M ae M oble y. Y ou hear m e?" A nd I k eep s a yin g it till s h e r e p eat it b ack to m e.

TH E N EX T F EW W EEK S is r e al im porta nt fo r M ae M oble y. Y ou th in k o n it , y o u p ro bab ly d on't re m em ber th e fir s t tim e y o u w ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l s te ad o f a d ia p er. P ro bab ly d on't giv e n o c re d it to w ho ta ught y o u, n eit h er. N ever h ad a s in gle b ab y I r a is e c o m e u p to m e a nd s a y, Aib ile en , w hy I s u re d o t h ank y o u f o r s h ow in g m e h ow t o g o in t h e p ot.

It's a tr ic k y th in g. Y ou tr y a nd g et a b ab y to g o in th e to ile t b efo re it s tim e, it 'll m ak e e m c ra zy. T hey can't g et th e h ang o f it a nd g et to th in k in g lo w a th eyse lv es. B ab y G ir l, th o ugh, I k no w s h e r e ad y.

And s h e k no w s h e r e ad y. B ut, L aw , if s h e a in 't r u nnin g m y fo ol le gs o ff. I s e t h er o n h er w ooden bab y s e at s o h er lit tle h in ey d on't fa ll in a nd s o on a s I tu rn m y b ack , s h e o ff th at p ot r u nnin g.

"Y ou g o t to g o , M ae M oble y?" "N o." "Y ou d ru nk u p tw o g la sse s a g ra p e ju ic e, I k no w y o u g o t to g o ." "N ooo." "I g iv e y o u a c o okie if y o u g o fo r m e." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a w hile . S he s ta rt e yein g th e d oor. I d on't h ear n o th in g h ap penin g in th e b ow l.

Usu ally , I c an g et th em g o in g a fte r a b out tw o w eek s. B ut th at's if I g o t th ey m am as h elp in g m e. L it tle boys g o t to s e e th ey d ad dy d oin g it s ta nd in g-u p s ty le , lit tle g ir ls g o t to s e e th ey m am a s e ttin g d ow n.

Mis s L eefo lt w on't le t th at g ir l c o m e n ear h er w hen s h e g o in g, a nd th at's th e tr o ub le .

"G o ju st a lit tle fo r m e, B ab y G ir l. " She s tic k h er lip o ut, s h ak e h er h ead .

Mis s L eefo lt g o ne to g et h er h air d one, e ls e I a sk h er a gain w ill s h e s e t th e e xam ple e ven th o ugh th at wom an's a lr e ad y s a id no fiv e tim es. L ast tim e M is s L eefo lt s a y n o , I w as fix in g to te ll h er h o w m any kid s I r a is e d in m y lif e tim e a nd a sk h er w hat n um ber s h e o n, b ut I e nd ed u p s a yin g alr ig ht lik e I alw ays d o.

"I g iv e y o u tw o c o okie s," I s a y e ven th o ugh h er m am a a lw ays g ettin g o n m e a b out m ak in g h er fa t.

Mae M oble y, s h e s h ak e h er h ead a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Now , I a in 't s a yin g I a in 't h eard th is b efo re , b ut u su ally I c an g et a ro und it . I k no w , th o ugh, s h e g o t to s e e h o w it 's d one fo re s h e g o ne g et to b usin ess. I s a y, " I d on't g o t to g o ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er. S he p oin t a gain a nd s a y, " Y ou g o ." Then s h e g et to c ry in g a nd fid getin g c ause th at s e at m ak in g a lit tle in d ent o n h er b ehin d a nd I k no w what I 'm o n h ave to d o. I ju st d on't k no w h o w to g o a b out it . S ho uld I ta k e h er o ut to th e g ara ge to min e o r g o h ere in th is b ath ro om ? W hat if M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e a nd I 'm s e ttin g u p o n th is to ile t?

She h ave a fit .

I p ut h er d ia p er b ack o n a nd w e g o o ut to th e g ara ge. R ain m ak e it s m ell a lit tle s w am py. E ven w it h th e lig ht o n it 's d ark , a nd th ey a in 't n o fa ncy w allp ap er lik e in sid e th e h o use . F act, th ey r e ally a in 't n o pro per w alls a t a ll, ju st p ly b oard h am mere d to geth er. I w ond er if s h e g o ne b e s c are d .

"A lr ig ht, B ab y G ir l, h ere tis . A ib ile en's b ath ro om ." She s tic k h er h ead in a nd h er m outh m ak e th e s h ap e o f a C heerio . S he s a y, " O ooooo." I ta k e d ow n m y u nd erth in gs a nd I te e-te e r e al fa st, u se th e p ap er, a nd g et it a ll b ack o n b efo re s h e can r e ally s e e a nyth in g. T hen I flu sh .

"A nd th at's h o w y o u g o in th e to ile t," I s a y.

Well, d on't s h e lo ok s u rp ris e . G ot h er m outh h angin g o pen lik e s h e d one s e en a m ir a cle . I s te p o ut and fo re I k no w it , s h e g o t h er d ia p er o ff a nd th at lit tle m onk ey d one c lim bed o n th at to ile t, h o ld in g hers e lf u p s o s h e d on't fa ll in , g o in g te e-te e fo r h ers e lf .

"M ae M oble y! Y ou g o in g! T hat's r e al g o od!" S he s m ile a nd I c atc hes h er fo re s h e d ip d ow n in it .

We r u n b ack in sid e a nd s h e g et h er tw o c o okie s.

Late r o n, I g et h er o n h er p ot a nd s h e g o fo r m e a gain . T hat's th e h ard est p art, th o se fir s t c o up le a tim es. B y th e e nd a th e d ay, I fe el lik e I r e ally d one s o m eth in g. S he g ettin g to b e a p re tty g o od ta lk er and y o u c an g uess w hat th e n ew w ord a th e d ay is .

"W hat B ab y G ir l d o to day?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." "W hat th ey g o ne p ut in th e h is to ry b ooks n ext to th is d ay?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." I s a y, " W hat M is s H illy s m ell lik e?" She s a y, " T ee-te e." But I g et o nto m yse lf . I t w asn 't C hris tia n, p lu s I 'm a fr a id s h e r e p eat it .

LATE T H AT A FTER N OON, M is s L eefo lt c o m e h o m e w it h h er h air a ll te ase d u p . S he g o t a perm anent a nd s h e s m ell lik e p neum onia .

"G uess w hat M ae M oble y d one to day?" I s a y. " W ent to th e b ath ro om in th e to ile t b ow l. " "O h, th at's w ond erfu l! " S he g iv e h er g ir l a h ug, s o m eth in g I d on't s e e e no ugh o f. I k no w s h e m ean it , to o, c ause M is s L eefo lt d o not lik e c hangin g d ia p ers .

I s a y, " Y ou g o t to m ak e s u re s h e g o in th e p ot fr o m n o w o n. I t's r e al c o nfu sin g fo r h er if y o u d on't ." Mis s L eefo lt s m ile , s a y, " A lr ig ht." "L et's s e e if s h e d o it o ne m ore tim e fo re I g o h o m e." W e g o in th e b ath ro om . I g et h er d ia p ers o ff and p ut h er u p o n th at to ile t. B ut B ab y G ir l, s h e s h ak in g h er h ead .

"C om e o n, M ae M oble y, c an't y o u g o in th e p ot fo r y o ur m am a?" "N oooo." Fin ally I p ut h er b ack d ow n o n h er fe et. " T hat's a lr ig ht, y o u d id r e al g o od to day." But M is s L eefo lt , s h e g o t h er lip s s tic k in g o ut a nd s h e h m phin g a nd fr o w nin g d ow n a t h er. B efo re I can g et h er d ia p er o n a gain , B ab y G ir l r u n o ff fa st a s s h e c an. N ek kid lit tle w hit e b ab y r u nnin g th ro ugh th e h o use . S he in th e k it c hen. S he g o t th e b ack d oor o pen, s h e in th e g ara ge, tr y in g to r e ach th e k no b to my b ath ro om . W e r u n a fte r h er a nd M is s L eefo lt p oin tin g h er fin ger. H er v o ic e g o a b out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " T his is n o t y o ur b ath ro om !" Bab y G ir l w aggin g h er h ead .

"M y b afro om !" Mis s L eefo lt s n atc h h er u p , g iv e h er a p op o n th e le g.

"M is s L eefo lt , s h e d on't k no w w hat s h e d o--" "G et b ack in th e h o use , A ib ile en!" I h ate it , b ut I g o in th e k it c hen. I s ta nd in th e m id dle , le ave th e d oor o pen b ehin d m e.

"I d id n o t r a is e y o u to u se th e c o lo re d b ath ro om !" I h ear h er h is s-w his p erin g, th in k in g I c an't h ear, and I th in k , Lady, y o u d id n't r a is e y o ur c h ild a t a ll.

"T his is d ir ty o ut h ere , M ae M oble y. Y ou'll c atc h d is e ase s! N o n o n o !" A nd I h ear h er p op h er a gain and a gain o n h er b are le gs.

Afte r a s e co nd , M is s L eefo lt p ota to -sa ck h er in sid e. T here a in 't n o th in g I c an d o b ut w atc h it hap pen. M y h eart fe el lik e it 's s q ueezin g u p in to m y th ro at- p ip e. M is s L eefo lt d ro p M ae M oble y in fr o nt a th e te e-v ee a nd s h e m arc h to h er b ed ro om a nd s la m th e d oor. I g o g iv e B ab y G ir l a h ug. S he still c ry in g a nd s h e lo ok a w fu l c o nfu se d .

"I'm r e al s o rry , M ae M oble y," I w his p er to h er. I 'm c ussin g m yse lf fo r ta k in g h er o ut th ere in th e fir s t pla ce. B ut I d on't k no w w hat e ls e to s a y, s o I ju st h o ld h er.

We s e t th ere w atc hin g Li'l R asc a ls u ntil M is s L eefo lt c o m e o ut, a sk a in 't it p ast tim e fo r m e to g o . I tu ck m y b us d im e in m y p ock et. G iv e M ae M oble y o ne m ore h ug, w his p er, " Y ou a sm art g ir l. Y ou a good g ir l. " On th e r id e h o m e, I d on't s e e th e b ig w hit e h o use s p assin g o uts id e th e w in d ow . I d on't ta lk to m y maid fr ie nd s. I s e e B ab y G ir l g ettin g s p ank ed c ause a m e. I s e e h er lis te nin g to M is s L eefo lt c all m e dir ty , d is e ase d .

The b us s p eed s u p a lo ng S ta te S tr e et. W e p ass o ver th e W oodro w W ils o n B rid ge a nd m y ja w s o tig ht I c o uld b re ak m y te eth o ff. I fe el th at b it te r s e ed g ro w in g in sid e a m e, th e o ne p la nte d a fte r Tre elo re d ie d . I w ant to y ell s o lo ud th at B ab y G ir l c an h ear m e th at d ir ty a in 't a c o lo r, d is e ase a in 't th e N egro s id e a to w n. I w ant to s to p th at m om ent fr o m c o m in g--a nd it c o m e in e ver w hit e c hild 's lif e --w hen th ey s ta rt to th in k th at c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a s g o od a s w hit e s.

We tu rn o n F aris h a nd I s ta nd u p c ause m y s to p b e c o m in g. I p ra y th at w asn 't h er m om ent. P ra y I still g o t tim e.

TH IN GS is R EA L Q UIE T th e n ext fe w w eek s. M ae M oble y's w earin g b ig -g ir l p antie s n o w . S he don't h ard ly e ver h ave n o a ccid ents . A fte r w hat h ap pen in th e g ara ge, M is s L eefo lt ta k e a r e al in te re st in M ae M oble y's b ath ro om h ab it s . S he e ven le t h er w atc h h er o n th e p ot, s e t th e w hit e exam ple . A fe w tim es, th o ugh, w hen h er m am a's g o ne, I s till c atc h h er tr y in g to g o in m in e.

Som etim es s h e d o it fo re I c an te ll h er n o .

"H ey, M is s C la rk ." R obert B ro w n, w ho d o M is s L eefo lt 's y ard , c o m e u p o n h er b ack s te p s. I t's n ic e and c o ol o ut. I o pen th e s c re en d oor.

"H ow y o u d oin g, s o n?" I s a y a nd p at h im o n th e a rm . " I h ear y o u w ork in g e ver y ard o n th e s tr e et." "Y es m a'a m . G ot tw o g uys m ow in g fo r m e." H e g rin . H e a h and so m e b oy, ta ll w it h s h o rt h air . W ent to h ig h s c ho ol w it h T re elo re . T hey w as g o od fr ie nd s, p la yed b ase b all to geth er. I to uch h im o n th e arm , ju st n eed in g to fe el it a gain .

"H ow y o ur G ra nm am a?" I a sk . I lo ve L ouvenia , s h e is th e s w eete st p ers o n liv in g. S he a nd R obert cam e to th e fu nera l to geth er. T his m ak es m e r e m em ber w hat's c o m in g n ext w eek . T he w ors t d ay a th e y ear.

"S he s tr o nger th an m e." H e s m ile . " I b e b y y o ur h o use o n S atu rd ay to m ow ." Tre elo re a lw ays d id m y m ow in g fo r m e. N ow R obert d oes it w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g, n ever w ill ta k e any m oney fo r it . " T hank y o u, R obert. I a p pre cia te it ." "Y ou n eed a nyth in g, y o u c all m e, a lr ig ht, M is s C la rk ?" "T hank y o u, s o n." I h ear th e d oorb ell r in g a nd I s e e M is s S keete r's c ar o ut fr o nt. M is s S keete r b een c o m in g o ver to Mis s L eefo lt 's e ver w eek th is m onth , to a sk m e th e M is s M yrn a q uestio ns. S he a sk a b out h ard wate r s ta in s a nd I te ll h er c re am o f ta rta r. S he a sk h o w y o u u nsc re w a lig htb ulb th at d one b ro ke o ff in th e s o ck et a nd I te ll h er a r a w p ota to . S he a sk m e w hat h ap pen w it h h er o ld m aid C onsta ntin e and h er m am a, a nd I g o c o ld . I th o ught if I to ld h er a lit tle , a fe w w eek s a go , a b out C onsta ntin e havin g a d aughte r, s h e'd le ave m e a lo ne a b out it a fte r th at. B ut M is s S keete r ju st k eep o n a sk in g m e questio ns. I c o uld te ll s h e d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy a c o lo re d w om an c an't r a is e n o w hit e -sk in b ab y in Mis sis sip pi. B e a h ard , lo nely lif e , n o t b elo ngin g h ere n o r th ere .

Ever tim e M is s S keete r fin is h a sk in g m e a b out h o w to c le an th e-th is o r fix th e-th at o r w here Consta ntin e, w e g et to ta lk in g a b out o th er th in gs to o. T hat's n o t s o m eth in g I d one a w ho le lo t w it h my b osse s o r th ey fr ie nd s. I fin d m yse lf te llin g h er h o w T re elo re n ever m ad e b elo w a B + o r th at th e new c hurc h d eaco n g et o n m y n erv es c ause h e lis p . L it tle b it s , b ut th in gs I o rd in arily w ould n't te ll a whit e p ers o n.

Today, I 'm tr y in g to e xp la in to h er th e d if fe re nce b etw een d ip pin g a nd p olis h in g th e s ilv er, h o w o nly th e ta ck y h o use s d o th e d ip c ause it 's fa ste r, b ut it d on't lo ok g o od. M is s S keete r c o ck h er h ead to th e s id e, w rin k le h er fo re head . " A ib ile en, r e m em ber th at . . . id ea T re elo re h ad ?" I n o d, fe el a p ric k le . I s h o uld a n ever s h are d th at w it h a w hit e w om an.

Mis s S keete r s q uin t h er e yes lik e s h e d id w hen s h e b ru ng u p th e b ath ro om th in g th at tim e. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out it . I 'v e b een w antin g to ta lk to y o u--" But fo re s h e c an fin is h , M is s L eefo lt c o m e in th e k it c hen a nd c atc h B ab y G ir l p la yin g w it h m y c o m b in m y p ock etb ook a nd s a y m ayb e M ae M oble y o ught to h ave h er b ath e arly to day. I te ll M is s Skeete r g o odbye, g o s ta rt th e tu b .

AFTER I S PEN T a Y EA R d re ad in g it , N ovem ber e ig hth fin ally c o m e. I s p ec I s le ep a b out tw o ho urs th e n ig ht b efo re . I w ak e u p a t d aw n a nd p ut a p ot a C om munit y c o ffe e o n th e s to veto p. M y back h urts w hen I b end o ver to g et m y h o se o n. F ore I w alk o ut th e d oor, th e p ho ne r in g.

"J u st c heck in g o n y o u. Y ou s le ep ?" "I d id a lr ig ht." "I'm o n b rin g y o u a c ara m el c ak e to nig ht. A nd I d on't w ant y o u to d o n o th in g b ut s e t in y o ur k it c hen and e at th e w ho le th in g fo r s u p per." I tr y to s m ile , b ut n o th in g c o m e o ut. I te ll M in ny th ank y o u.

Thre e y ears a go to day, T re elo re d ie d . B ut b y M is s L eefo lt 's b ook it 's s till flo or- c le anin g d ay.

Thank sg iv in g c o m in g in tw o w eek s a nd I g o t p le nty to d o to g et r e ad y. I s c ru b m y w ay th ro ugh th e morn in g, th ro ugh th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. I m is s m y s to rie s c ause th e la d ie s is in th e d in in g r o om havin g a B enefit m eetin g a nd I a in 't a llo w ed to tu rn o n th e te e-v ee w hen th ey's c o m pany. A nd th at's fin e. M y m usc le s is s h iv erin g th ey s o tir e d . B ut I d on't w ant a s to p m ovin g.

About fo ur o 'c lo ck , M is s S keete r c o m e in th e k it c hen. B efo re s h e c an e ven s a y h ello , M is s L eefo lt ru sh in b ehin d h er. " A ib ile en, I ju st fo und o ut M is su s F re d eric k s is d riv in g d ow n fr o m G re enw ood to m orro w a nd s ta yin g th ro ugh T hank sg iv in g. I w ant th e s ilv er s e rv ic e p olis h ed a nd a ll th e g uest to w els w ash ed . T om orro w I 'll g iv e y o u th e lis t o f w hat e ls e ." Mis s L eefo lt s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s S keete r lik e a in 't s h e g o t th e h ard est lif e in to w n a nd w alk s o ut. I g o o n a nd g et th e s ilv er s e rv ic e o ut th e d in in g r o om . L aw , I 'm a lr e ad y tir e d a nd I g o t to b e r e ad y to work th e B enefit n ext S atu rd ay n ig ht. M in ny a in 't c o m in g. S he to o s c are d s h e g o ne r u n in to M is s Hilly .

Mis s S keete r s till w ait in g o n m e in th e k it c hen w hen I c o m e b ack in . S he g o t a M is s M yrn a le tte r in her h and .

"Y ou g o t a c le anin g q uestio n?" I s ig h. " G o h ead ." "N ot r e ally . I ju st . . . I w ante d to a sk y o u . . . th e o th er d ay . . ." I ta k e a p lu g a P in e-O la c re am a nd s ta rt r u b bin g it o nto th e s ilv er, w ork in g th e c lo th a ro und th e r o se desig n, th e lip a nd th e h and le . G od, p le ase le t to m orro w c o m e s o on. I a in 't g o ne g o to th e g ra vesit e .

I c an't , it 'll b e to o h ard -- "A ib ile en? A re y o u fe elin g a lr ig ht? " I s to p, lo ok u p . R ealiz e M is s S keete r b een ta lk in g to m e th e w ho le tim e.

"I'm s o rry I 's ju st . . . th in k in g a b out s o m eth in g." "Y ou lo oked s o s a d ." "M is s S keete r." I fe el te ars c o m e u p in m y e yes, c ause th re e y ears ju st a in 't lo ng e no ugh. A h und re d years a in 't g o ne b e lo ng e no ugh. " Y ou m in d if I h elp y o u w it h th em q uestio ns to m orro w ?" Mis s S keete r s ta rt to s a y s o m eth in g, b ut th en s h e s to p h ers e lf . " O f c o urs e . I h o pe y o u fe el b ette r." I fin is h th e s ilv er s e t a nd th e to w els a nd te ll M is s L eefo lt I g o t to g o h o m e e ven th o ugh it 's h alf a h o ur early a nd s h e g o ne s h o rt m y p ay. S he o pen h er m outh lik e s h e w ant to p ro te st a nd I w his p er m y lie , I v om it e d , a nd s h e s a y go.

C ause b esid es h er o w n m oth er, th ere a in 't n o th in g M is s L eefo lt s c are d of m ore th an N egro d is e ase s.

"A LR IG HT T H EN . I 'll b e b ack in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'll p ull r ig ht u p h ere a t n in e fo rty -fiv e," M is s Leefo lt s a y th ro ugh th e p asse nger c ar w in d ow . M is s L eefo lt d ro ppin g m e o ff a t th e J it n ey 1 4 to p ic k up w hat e ls e w e n eed fo r T hank sg iv in g to m orro w .

"Y ou b rin g h er b ack th at r e ceip t, n o w ," M is s F re d eric k s, M is s L eefo lt 's m ean o ld m am a, s a y. T hey all th re e in th e fr o nt s e at, M ae M oble y s q ueeze d in th e m id dle w it h a lo ok s o m is e ra b le y o u th in k sh e a b out to g et a te ta nus s h o t. P oor g ir l. M is s F re d eric k s s u p pose d to s ta y tw o w eek s th is tim e.

"D on't fo rg et th e tu rk ey, n o w ," M is s L eefo lt s a y. " A nd tw o c ans o f c ra nb erry s a uce." I s m ile . I o nly b een c o okin g w hit e T hank sg iv in gs s in ce C alv in C oolid ge w as P re sid ent. "Q uit s q uir m in g, M ae M oble y," M is s F re d eric k s s n ap , " o r I 'll p in ch y o u." "M is s L eefo lt , le m me ta k e h er in th e s to re w it h m e. H elp m e w it h m y s h o ppin g." Mis s F re d eric k s a b out to p ro te st, b ut M is s L eefo lt s a y, " Ta ke h er," a nd fo re I k no w it , B ab y G ir l done w orm ed h er w ay o ver M is s F re d eric k s' la p a nd is c lim bin g o ut th e w in d ow in m y a rm s lik e I am th e L ord S avio r. I p ull h er u p o n m y h ip a nd th ey d riv e o ff to w ard F ortif ic atio n S tr e et, a nd B ab y Gir l a nd m e, w e g ig gle lik e a c o up le a s c ho olg ir ls .

I p ush o pen th e m eta l d oor, g et a c art, a nd p ut M ae M oble y u p fr o nt, s tic k h er le gs th ro ugh th e ho le s. L ong a s I g o t m y w hit e u nif o rm o n, I 'm a llo w ed to s h o p in th is J it n ey. I m is s th e o ld d ays, when y o u ju st w alk o ut to F ortif ic atio n S tr e et a nd th ere b e th e fa rm ers w it h th ey w heelb arro w s callin g o ut, " S w eet p ota to es, b utte r b eans, s tr in g b eans, o kra . F re sh c re am , b utte rm ilk , y ello w cheese , e ggs." B ut th e J it n ey a in 't s o b ad . L east th ey g o t th e g o od a ir - c o nd it io n.

"A lr ig hty , B ab y G ir l. L ess s e e w hat w e n eed ." In p ro duce, I p ic k o ut s ix s w eet p ota to es, th re e h and fu ls a s tr in g b eans. I g et a s m oked h am h o ck fr o m th e b utc her. T he s to re is b rig ht, lin ed u p n eat. N oth in g lik e th e c o lo re d P ig gly W ig gly w it h sa w dust o n th e flo or. I t's m ostly w hit e la d ie s, s m ilin g, g o t th ey h air a lr e ad y fix ed a nd s p ra yed fo r to m orro w . F our o r fiv e m aid s is s h o ppin g, a ll in th ey u nif o rm s.

"P urp le s tu ff! " M ae M oble y s a y a nd I le t h er h o ld th e c an a c ra nb erry . S he s m ile a t it lik e it 's a o ld fr ie nd . S he lo ve th e p urp le s tu ff. I n d ry g o ods, I h eave th e tw o-p ound b ag a s a lt in th e c art, to b rin e th e tu rk ey in . I c o unt th e h o urs o n m y h and s, te n, e le ven, tw elv e. I f I 'm o n s o ak th e b ir d fo r fo urte en ho urs in th e s a lt w ate r, I 'll p ut it in th e b uck et a ro und th re e th is a fte rn o on. T hen I 'll c o m e in to M is s Leefo lt 's a t fiv e to m orro w m orn in g a nd c o ok th e tu rk ey fo r th e n ext s ix h o urs . I a lr e ad y b ak ed tw o pans a c o rn b re ad , le ft it to s ta le o n th e c o unte r to day to g iv e it s o m e c ru nch. I g o t a a p ple p ie r e ad y to b ak e, g o ne d o m y b is c uit s in th e m orn in g.

"R ead y fo r to m orro w , A ib ile en?" I tu rn a nd s e e F ra nny C oots b ehin d m e. S he g o to m y c hurc h, work fo r M is s C aro lin e o n M ansh ip . " H ey, c utie , lo ok a th em fa t le gs," s h e s a y to M ae M oble y.

Mae M oble y lic k th e c ra nb erry c an.

Fra nny b end h er h ead d ow n, s a y, " Y ou h ear w hat h ap pen to L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n th is morn in g?" "R obert? " I s a y. " W ho d o th e m ow in g?" "U se th e w hit e b ath ro om a t P in chm an L aw n a nd G ard en. S ay th ey w asn 't a s ig n u p s a yin g s o . T w o whit e m ens c hase d h im a nd b eat h im w it h a tir e ir o n." Oh n o . N ot Robert.

" H e . . . is h e . . . ? " Fra nny s h ak e h er h ead . " T hey d on't k no w . H e u p a t th e h o sp it a l. I h eard h e b lin d ." "G od, n o ." I c lo se m y e yes. L ouvenia , s h e is th e p ure st, k in d est p ers o n th ey is . S he r a is e d R obert afte r h er o w n d aughte r d ie d . "P oor L ouvenia . I d on't k no w w hy th e b ad h ave to h ap pen to th e g o odest o nes," F ra nny s a y.

TH AT A FTER N OON, I w ork lik e a c ra zy w om an, c ho ppin g o nio ns a nd c ele ry , m ix in g u p m y dre ssin g, r ic in g s w eet p ota to es, s tr in gin g th e b eans, p olis h in g s ilv er. I h eard fo lk s is h ead in g to Louvenia B ro w n's to nig ht a t fiv e-th ir ty to p ra y fo r R obert, b ut b y th e tim e I lif t th at tw enty -p ound tu rk ey in th e b rin e, I c an't b are ly r a is e m y a rm s.

I d on't fin is h c o okin g till s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht, tw o h o urs la te r th an u su al. I k no w I a in 't g o ne h ave th e s tr e ngth to g o k no ck o n L ouvenia 's d oor. I 'll h ave to d o it to m orro w a fte r I 'm d one c le anin g u p th e tu rk ey. I w ad dle m yse lf fr o m th e b us s to p, h ard ly a b le to k eep m y e yes o pen. I tu rn th e c o rn er on G essu m . A b ig w hit e C ad illa c's p ark ed in fr o nt a m y h o use . A nd th ere b e M is s S keete r in a r e d dre ss a nd r e d s h o es, s e ttin g o n m y fr o nt s te p s lik e a b ullh o rn .

I w alk r e al s lo w th ro ugh m y y ard , w ond erin g w hat it 's g o ne b e n o w . M is s S keete r s ta nd u p , h o ld in g her p ock etb ook tig ht lik e it m ig ht g et s n atc hed . W hit e p eo ple s d on't c o m e r o und m y n eig hb orh o od le ss th ey to tin g th e h elp to a nd fr o , a nd th at is ju st fin e w it h m e. I s p end a ll d ay lo ng te nd in g to w hit e peo ple s. I d on't n eed e m lo okin g in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I h o pe y o u d on't m in d m e c o m in g b y," s h e s a y. " I ju st . . . I d id n't k no w w here e ls e w e c o uld ta lk ." I s e t d ow n o n th e s te p a nd e ver k no b o n m y s p in e h urt. B ab y G ir l s o n erv o us a ro und h er Gra nm am a, s h e w et a ll o ver m e a nd I s m ell lik e it . T he s tr e et's fu ll a fo lk s w alk in g to s w eet Louvenia 's to p ra y fo r R obert, k id s p la yin g b all in th e s tr e et. E verb ody lo okin g o ver a t u s th in k in g I must b e g ettin g fir e d o r s o m eth in g.

"Y es m a'a m ," I s ig h. " W hat c an I d o fo r y o u?" "I h ave a n id ea. S om eth in g I w ant to w rit e a b out. B ut I n eed y o ur h elp ." I le t a ll m y b re ath o ut. I lik e M is s S keete r, b ut c o m e o n. S ure , a p ho ne c all w ould a b een n ic e. S he never w ould a ju st s h o w n u p o n s o m e w hit e la d y's s te p w it h o ut c allin g. B ut n o , s h e d one p lo pped hers e lf d ow n lik e s h e g o t e ver r ig ht to b arg e in o n m e a t h o m e.

"I w ant to in te rv ie w y o u. A bout w hat it 's lik e to w ork a s a m aid ." A r e d b all r o ll a fe w fe et in m y y ard . T he lit tle J o nes b oy r u n a cro ss th e s tr e et to g et it . W hen h e s e e Mis s S keete r, h e s to p d ead . T hen h e r u n a nd s n atc h it u p . H e tu rn a nd d ash o ff lik e h e s c are d s h e go ne g et h im .

"L ik e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n?" I s a y, fla t a s a p an. " B out c le anin g?" "N ot lik e M is s M yrn a. I 'm ta lk in g a b out a b ook," s h e s a y a nd h er e yes is b ig . S he e xcit e d . " S to rie s ab out w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r a w hit e fa m ily . W hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r, s a y . . . E liz a b eth ." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t h er. T his w hat s h e b een tr y in g to a sk m e th e p ast tw o w eek s in M is s L eefo lt kit c hen. " Y ou th in k M is s L eefo lt g o ne a gre e to th at? M e te llin g s to rie s a b out h er? " Mis s S keete r's e yes d ro p d ow n s o m e. " W ell, n o . I w as th in k in g w e w ould n't te ll h er. I 'll h ave to mak e s u re th e o th er m aid s w ill a gre e to k eep it s e cre t, to o." I s c ru nch u p m y fo re head , ju st s ta rtin g to g et w hat s h e's a sk in g. " O th er m aid s? " "I w as h o pin g to g et fo ur o r fiv e. T o r e ally s h o w w hat it 's lik e to b e a m aid in J a ck so n." I lo ok a ro und . W e o ut h ere in th e w id e o pen. D on't s h e k no w h o w d angero us th is c o uld b e, ta lk in g ab out th is w hile th e w ho le w orld c an s e e u s? " E xactly w hat k in d a s to rie s y o u th in k y o u g o ne h ear? " "W hat y o u g et p aid , h o w th ey tr e at y o u, th e b ath ro om s, th e b ab ie s, a ll th e th in gs y o u'v e s e en, g o od and b ad ." She lo oks e xcit e d , lik e th is is s o m e k in d a g am e. F or a s e co nd , I th in k I m ig ht b e m ore m ad th an I am tir e d .

"M is s S keete r," I w his p er, " d o th at n o t s o und k in d a d angero us to y o u?" "N ot if w e'r e c are fu l- -" "S hhh, p le ase . D o y o u k no w w hat w ould h ap pen to m e if M is s L eefo lt fin d o ut I ta lk ed b ehin d h er back ?" "W e w on't te ll h er, o r a nyo ne." S he lo w ers h er v o ic e s o m e, b ut n o t e no ugh. " T hese w ill b e p riv ate in te rv ie w s." I ju st s ta re a t h er. I s s h e c ra zy ? " D id y o u h ear a b out th e c o lo re d b oy th is m orn in g? O ne th ey b eat wit h a tir e ir o n fo r accid en ta lly u sin g th e w hit e b ath ro om ?" She ju st lo ok a t m e, b lin k a lit tle . " I k no w th in gs a re u nsta b le b ut th is is --" "A nd m y c o usin S hin elle in C aute r C ounty ? T hey b urn u p h er c ar c ause s h e w ent dow n to th e v o tin g sta tio n." "N o o ne's e ver w rit te n a b ook lik e th is ," s h e s a y, fin ally w his p erin g, fin ally s ta rtin g to u nd ers ta nd , I guess. " W e'd b e b re ak in g n ew g ro und . I t's a b ra nd -n ew p ers p ectiv e." I s p ot a flo ck a m aid s in th ey u nif o rm s w alk in g b y m y h o use . T hey lo ok o ver, s e e m e s e ttin g w it h a whit e w om an o n m y fr o nt s te p . I g rit m y te eth , a lr e ad y k no w m y p ho ne g o ne b e r in gin g to nig ht.

"M is s S keete r," a nd I s a y it s lo w , tr y to m ak e it c o unt, " I d o th is w it h y o u, I m ig ht a s w ell b urn m y ow n h o use d ow n." Mis s S keete r s ta rt b it in g h er n ail th en. " B ut I 'v e a lr e ad y . . ." S he s h ut h er e yes c lo se d tig ht. I th in k ab out a sk in g h er, Alr e a dy w hat, b ut I 'm k in d a s c are d to h ear w hat s h e g o ne s a y. S he r e ach in h er pock etb ook, p ull o ut a s c ra p a p ap er a nd w rit e h er te le p ho ne n um ber o n it . "P le ase , w ill y o u a t le ast th in k a b out it ? " I s ig h, s ta re o ut a t th e y ard . G entle a s I c an, I s a y, " N o m a'a m ." She s e t th e s c ra p a p ap er b etw een u s o n th e s te p , th en s h e g et in h er C ad illa c. I 'm to o tir e d to g et up . I ju st s ta y th ere , w atc h w hile s h e r o ll r e al s lo w d ow n th e r o ad . T he b oys p la yin g b all c le ar th e str e et, s ta nd o n th e s id e fr o ze n, lik e it 's a fu nera l c ar p assin g b y.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 8 I D RIV E D O W N G essu m A venue in M am a's C ad illa c. U p a head , a lit tle c o lo re d b oy in o vera lls w atc hes m e, w id e-e yed , g rip pin g a r e d b all. I lo ok in to m y r e arv ie w m ir ro r. A ib ile en is s till o n h er f r o nt s te p s in h er w hit e u nif o rm . S he h ad n't e ven lo oked a t m e w hen s h e s a id No m a'a m .

S he ju st k ep t h er e yes s e t o n th at y ello w p atc h o f g ra ss in h er y ard .

I g uess I th o ught it w ould b e lik e v is it in g C onsta ntin e, w here fr ie nd ly c o lo re d p eo ple w aved a nd s m ile d , h ap py to s e e th e lit tle w hit e g ir l w ho se d ad dy o w ned th e b ig fa rm . B ut h ere , n arro w e yes w atc h m e p ass b y. W hen m y c ar g ets c lo se to h im , th e lit tle c o lo re d b oy tu rn s a nd s c ats b ehin d a h o use a fe w d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's . H alf - a -d oze n c o lo re d p eo ple a re g ath ere d in th e fr o nt y ard o f t h e h o use , h o ld in g tr a ys a nd b ags. I r u b m y te m ple s. I tr y to th in k o f s o m eth in g m ore th at m ig ht c o nvin ce A ib ile en.

A W EEK A GO , P asc ago ula k no ck ed o n m y b ed ro om d oor.

" T here 's a lo ng d is ta nce p ho ne c all fo r y o u, M is s S keete r. F ro m a M is s . . . S te rn , s h e s a y?" " S te rn ?" I th o ught o ut lo ud . T hen I s tr a ig hte ned . " D o y o u m ean . . .

Ste in ?

" " I . . . I r e ck on it c o uld a b een S te in . S he ta lk k in d a h ard -so und in g." I r u sh ed p ast P asc ago ula , d ow n th e s ta ir s . F or s o m e s tu p id r e aso n, I k ep t s m ooth in g m y fr iz zy h air d ow n a s if it w ere a m eetin g a nd n o t a p ho ne c all. I n th e k it c hen, I g ra b bed th e p ho ne d anglin g a gain st th e w all.

T hre e w eek s e arlie r, I 'd ty p ed o ut th e le tte r o n S tr a th m ore w hit e . T hre e p ages o utlin in g th e id ea, th e d eta ils , a nd th e lie . W hic h w as th at a h ard w ork in g a nd r e sp ecte d c o lo re d m aid h as a gre ed to le t m e i n te rv ie w h er a nd d esc rib e in s p ecif ic s w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r th e w hit e w om en o f o ur to w n.

W eig hin g it a gain st th e a lt e rn ativ e, th at I pla nned to a sk a c o lo re d w om an fo r h elp , s a yin g s h e'd a lr e ad y a gre ed to it s e em ed in fin it e ly m ore a ttr a ctiv e.

I s tr e tc hed th e c o rd in to th e p antr y , p ulle d th e s tr in g o n th e s in gle b are b ulb . T he p antr y is s h elv ed f lo or to c eilin g w it h p ic k le s a nd s o up ja rs , m ola sse s, p ut- u p v egeta b le s, a nd p re se rv es. T his w as m y o ld h ig h s c ho ol tr ic k to g et s o m e p riv acy.

" H ello ? T his is E ugenia s p eak in g." " P le ase h o ld , I 'll p ut th e c all th ro ugh." I h eard a s e rie s o f c lic k s a nd th en a fa r, fa r a w ay v o ic e, a lm ost a s d eep a s a m an's , s a y, " E la in e S te in ." " H ello ? T his is S keet- -E ugenia P hela n in M is sis sip pi? " " I k no w , M is s P hela n. I c alle d y o u." I h eard a m atc h s tr ik e, a s h o rt, s h arp in hale . " I r e ceiv ed y o ur le tte r la st w eek . I h ave s o m e c o m ments ." "Y es m a'a m ." I s a nk d ow n o nto a ta ll tin c an o f K in g B is c uit flo ur. M y h eart th um ped a s I s tr a in ed to hear h er. A p ho ne c all fr o m N ew Y ork tr u ly s o und ed a s c ra ck ly a s a th o usa nd m ile s a w ay o ught to .

"W hat g ave y o u th is id ea? A bout in te rv ie w in g d om estic h o use k eep ers . I 'm c urio us." I s a t p ara ly ze d a s e co nd . S he o ffe re d n o c hattin g o r h ello , n o in tr o ductio n o f h ers e lf . I r e aliz e d it w as best to a nsw er h er a s in str u cte d . " I w as . . . w ell, I w as r a is e d b y a c o lo re d w om an. I 'v e s e en h o w sim ple it c an b e a nd --a nd h o w c o m ple x it c an b e b etw een th e fa m ilie s a nd th e h elp ." I c le are d m y th ro at. I s o und ed s tif f, lik e I w as ta lk in g to a te acher.

"C ontin ue." "W ell, " I to ok a d eep b re ath , " I'd lik e to w rit e th is s h o w in g th e p oin t o f v ie w o f th e h elp . T he c o lo re d wom en d ow n h ere ." I tr ie d to p ic tu re C onsta ntin e's fa ce, A ib ile en's . " T hey r a is e a w hit e c hild a nd th en tw enty y ears la te r th e c hild b eco m es th e e m plo yer. I t's th at ir o ny, th at w e lo ve th em a nd th ey lo ve u s, y et . . ." I s w allo w ed , m y v o ic e tr e m blin g. " W e d on't e ven a llo w th em to u se th e to ile t in th e ho use ." Again th ere w as s ile nce.

"A nd ," I fe lt c o m pelle d to c o ntin ue, " e very o ne k no w s h o w w e w hit e p eo ple fe el, th e g lo rif ie d Mam my fig ure w ho d ed ic ate s h er w ho le lif e to a w hit e fa m ily . M arg are t M it c hell c o vere d th at. B ut no o ne e ver a sk ed M am my h o w s h e fe lt a b out it ." S w eat d rip ped d ow n m y c hest, b lo ttin g th e fr o nt of m y c o tto n b lo use .

"S o y o u w ant to s h o w a s id e th at's n ever b een e xam in ed b efo re ," M is su s S te in s a id .

"Y es. B ecause n o o ne e ver ta lk s a b out it . N o o ne ta lk s a b out a nyth in g d ow n h ere ." Ela in e S te in la ughed lik e a g ro w l. H er a ccent w as tig ht, Y ank ee. " M is s P hela n, I liv ed in A tla nta . F or six y ears w it h m y fir s t h usb and ." I la tc hed o n to th is s m all c o nnectio n. " S o . . . y o u k no w w hat it 's lik e th en." "E no ugh to g et m e o ut o f th ere ," s h e s a id , a nd I h eard h er e xhale h er s m oke. " L ook, I r e ad y o ur outlin e. I t's c erta in ly ... o rig in al, b ut it w on't w ork . W hat m aid in h er r ig ht m in d w ould e ver te ll y o u th e tr u th ?" I c o uld s e e M oth er's p in k s lip pers p ass b y th e d oor. I tr ie d to ig no re th em . I c o uld n't b elie ve M is su s Ste in w as a lr e ad y c allin g m y b lu ff. " T he fir s t in te rv ie w ee is . . . e ager to te ll h er s to ry ." "M is s P hela n," E la in e S te in s a id , a nd I k new it w asn 't a q uestio n, " th is N egro a ctu ally a gre ed to ta lk to y o u c and id ly ? A bout w ork in g fo r a w hit e fa m ily ? B ecause th at s e em s lik e a h ell o f a r is k in a pla ce lik e J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi. " I s a t b lin k in g. I fe lt th e fir s t fin gers o f w orry th at A ib ile en m ig ht n o t b e a s e asy to c o nvin ce a s I 'd th o ught. L it tle d id I k no w w hat s h e w ould s a y to m e o n h er fr o nt s te p s th e n ext w eek . "I w atc hed th em tr y to in te gra te y o ur b us s ta tio n o n th e n ew s," M is su s S te in c o ntin ued . " T hey ja m med fif ty -fiv e N egro es in a ja il c ell b uilt fo r fo ur." I p urs e d m y lip s. " S he h as a gre ed . Y es, s h e h as." "W ell. T hat is im pre ssiv e. B ut a fte r h er, y o u r e ally th in k o th er m aid s w ill ta lk to y o u? W hat if th e em plo yers fin d o ut? " "T he in te rv ie w s w ould b e c o nd ucte d s e cre tly . S in ce, a s y o u k no w , th in gs a re a lit tle d angero us d ow n here r ig ht n o w ." T he tr u th w as, I h ad v ery lit tle id ea h o w d angero us th in gs w ere . I 'd s p ent th e p ast fo ur y ears lo ck ed a w ay in th e p ad ded r o om o f c o lle ge, r e ad in g K eats a nd E ud ora W elt y a nd worry in g o ver te rm p ap ers .

"A lit tle d angero us? " S he la ughed . " T he m arc hes in B ir m in gham , M artin L uth er K in g. D ogs a tta ck in g co lo re d c hild re n. D arlin g, it 's th e h o tte st to pic in th e n atio n. B ut, I 'm s o rry , th is w ill n ever w ork . N ot as a n a rtic le , b ecause n o S outh ern n ew sp ap er w ould p ub lis h it . A nd c erta in ly n o t a s a b ook. A b ook of in te rv ie w s w ould n ever s e ll. " "O h," I h eard m yse lf s a y. I c lo se d m y e yes, fe elin g a ll th e e xcit e m ent d ra in o ut o f m e. I h eard m yse lf sa y a gain , " O h." "I c alle d b ecause , fr a nk ly , it 's a g o od id ea. B ut . . . th ere 's n o p ossib le w ay to ta k e it to p rin t." "B ut . . . w hat if . . ." M y e yes s ta rte d d artin g a ro und th e p antr y , lo okin g fo r s o m eth in g to b rin g b ack her in te re st. M ayb e I sh ould ta lk a b out it a s a n a rtic le , m ayb e a m agazin e, b ut s h e s a id n o -- "E ugenia , w ho a re y o u ta lk in g to in th ere ?" M oth er's v o ic e c ut th o ugh th e c ra ck . S he in ched th e door o pen a nd I y ank ed it c lo se d a gain . I c o vere d th e r e ceiv er, h is se d , " I'm ta lk in g to Hilly , M oth er- -" "In th e p antr y ? Y ou'r e lik e a te enager a gain --" "I m ean--" M is su s S te in le t o ut a s h arp ts k . " I s u p pose I c o uld r e ad w hat y o u g et. G od k no w s, th e book b usin ess c o uld u se s o m e r a ttlin g." "Y ou'd d o th at? O h M is su s S te in . . ." "I'm n o t s a yin g I 'm c o nsid erin g it . B ut... d o th e in te rv ie w a nd I 'll le t y o u k no w if it 's w orth p urs u in g." I s tu tte re d a fe w u nin te llig ib le s o und s, fin ally c o m in g o ut w it h , " Thank y o u. M is su s S te in , I c an't te ll yo u h o w m uch I a p pre cia te y o ur h elp ." "D on't th ank m e y et. C all R uth , m y s e cre ta ry , if y o u n eed to g et in to uch." A nd s h e h ung u p .

I lu g a n O ld S ATC HEL to b rid ge c lu b a t E liz a b eth 's o n W ed nesd ay. I t is r e d . I t is u gly . A nd fo r to day, a t le ast, it is a p ro p.

It's th e o nly b ag in M oth er's h o use I c o uld fin d la rg e e no ugh to c arry th e M is s M yrn a le tte rs . T he le ath er is c ra ck ed a nd fla k in g, th e th ic k s h o uld er s tr a p le aves a b ro w n m ark o n m y b lo use w here th e le ath er s ta in is r u b bin g o ff. I t w as m y G ra nd m oth er C la ir e 's g ard enin g b ag. S he u se d to c arry h er gard en to ols a ro und th e y ard in it a nd th e b otto m is s till lin ed w it h s u nflo w er s e ed s. I t m atc hes ab so lu te ly n o th in g I o w n a nd I d on't c are .

"T w o w eek s," H illy s a ys to m e, h o ld in g u p tw o fin gers . " H e's c o m in g." S he s m ile s a nd I s m ile b ack .

"I'll b e r ig ht b ack ," I s a y a nd I s lip in to th e k it c hen, c arry in g m y s a tc hel w it h m e.

Aib ile en is s ta nd in g a t th e s in k . " A fte rn o on," s h e s a ys q uie tly . I t w as a w eek a go th at I v is it e d h er a t her h o use .

I s ta nd th ere a m in ute , w atc hin g h er s tir th e ic ed te a, fe elin g th e d is c o m fo rt in h er p ostu re , h er d re ad th at I m ig ht b e a b out to a sk fo r h er h elp o n th e b ook a gain . I p ull a fe w h o use k eep in g le tte rs o ut and , s e ein g th is , A ib ile en's s h o uld ers r e la x a lit tle . A s I r e ad h er a q uestio n a b out m old s ta in s, s h e pours a lit tle te a in a g la ss, ta ste s it . S he s p oons m ore s u gar in th e p it c her.

"O h, fo re I fo rg et, I g o t th e a nsw er o n th at w ate r r in g q uestio n. M in ny s a y ju st r u b y o u a lit tle mayo nnais e o n it ." A ib ile en s q ueeze s h alf a le m on in th e te a. " T hen g o o n a nd th ro w th at n o -g o od husb and o ut th e d oor." S he s tir s , ta ste s. " M in ny d on't ta k e to o w ell to h usb and s." "T hank s, I 'll p ut th at d ow n," I s a y. A s c asu ally a s I c an, I p ull a n e nvelo pe fr o m m y b ag. " A nd h ere .

I'v e b een m eanin g to g iv e y o u th is ." Aib ile en s tif fe ns b ack in to h er c autio us p ose , th e o ne s h e h ad w hen I w alk ed in . " W hat y o u g o t th ere ?" s h e s a ys w it h o ut r e achin g fo r it .

"F or y o ur h elp ," I s a y q uie tly . " I'v e p ut a w ay fiv e d olla rs fo r e very a rtic le . I t's u p to th ir ty -fiv e d olla rs no w ." Aib ile en's e yes m ove q uic k ly b ack to h er te a. " N o th ank y o u, m a'a m ." "P le ase ta k e it , y o u'v e e arn ed it ." I h ear c hair s s c ra p in g o n w ood in th e d in in g r o om , E liz a b eth 's v o ic e.

"P le ase , M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt h ave a fit if s h e fin d y o u g iv in g m e c ash ," A ib ile en w his p ers .

"S he d oesn 't h ave to k no w ." Aib ile en lo oks u p a t m e. T he w hit e s o f h er e yes a re y ello w ed , tir e d . I k no w w hat s h e's th in k in g.

"I a lr e ad y to ld y o u, I 'm s o rry , I c an't h elp y o u w it h th at b ook, M is s S keete r." I s e t th e e nvelo pe o n th e c o unte r, k no w in g I 'v e m ad e a te rrib le m is ta k e. "P le ase . F in d y o u a no th er c o lo re d m aid . A y o ung'u n. S om eb ody... e ls e ." "B ut I d on't k no w a ny o th ers w ell e no ugh." I a m te m pte d to b rin g u p th e w ord fr ie n ds, b ut I 'm n o t th at n aiv e. I k no w w e'r e n o t fr ie nd s.

Hilly 's h ead p ops th ro ugh th e d oor. " C om e o n, S keete r, I 'm fix in g to d eal, " a nd s h e d is a p pears .

"I'm b eggin g y o u," A ib ile en s a ys, " p ut th at m oney a w ay s o M is s L eefo lt d on't s e e it ." I n o d, e m barra sse d . I tu ck th e e nvelo pe in m y b ag, k no w in g w e'r e w ors e o ff th an e ver. I t's a b rib e, sh e th in k s, to g et h er to le t m e in te rv ie w h er. A b rib e d is g uis e d a s g o odw ill a nd th ank s. I 'd b een wait in g to g iv e h er th e m oney a nyw ay, o nce it a d ded u p to s o m eth in g, b ut it 's tr u e, m y tim in g to day had b een d elib era te ly p la nned . A nd n o w I 'v e s c are d h er o ff fo r g o od.

"D arlin g, ju st tr y it o n y o ur h ead . I t c o st e le ven d olla rs . I t m ust b e g o od." Moth er h as m e c o rn ere d in th e k it c hen. I g la nce a t th e d oor to th e h all, th e d oor to th e s id e p orc h.

Moth er c o m es c lo se r, th e th in g in h and , a nd I 'm d is tr a cte d b y h o w th in h er w ris ts lo ok, h o w fr a il h er arm s a re c arry in g th e h eavy g ra y m achin e. S he p ush es m e d ow n in to a c hair , n o t s o fr a il a fte r a ll, a nd sq ueeze s a n o is y, fa rty tu b e o f g o o o n m y h ead . M oth er's b een c hasin g m e w it h th e M agic S oft & Silk y S hin ala to r fo r tw o d ays n o w .

She r u b s th e c re am in m y h air w it h b oth h and s. I c an p ra ctic ally fe el th e h o pe in h er fin gers . A c re am will n o t s tr a ig hte n m y n o se o r ta k e a fo ot o ff m y h eig ht. I t w on't a d d d is tin ctio n to m y a lm ost tr a nslu cent e yeb ro w s, n o r a d d w eig ht to m y b ony fr a m e. A nd m y te eth a re a lr e ad y p erfe ctly s tr a ig ht.

So th is is a ll s h e h as le ft to fix , m y h air .

Moth er c o vers m y d rip pin g h ead w it h a p la stic c ap . S he fa ste ns a h o se fr o m th e c ap in to a s q uare machin e.

"H ow lo ng d oes th is ta k e, M oth er? " She p ic k s u p th e b ookle t w it h a s tic k y fin ger. " It s a ys h ere , 'C over w it h th e M ir a cle S tr a ig hte nin g Cap , th en tu rn o n th e m achin e a nd w ait fo r th e m ir a culo us--' " "T en m in ute s? F if te en?" I h ear a c lic k , a r is in g r u m ble , th en fe el a s lo w , in te nse w arm th o n m y h ead . B ut s u d denly th ere 's a pop!

T he tu b e is lo ose fr o m th e m achin e a nd je rk in g a ro und lik e a m ad fir e ho se . M oth er s h rie k s, gra b s a t it a nd m is se s. F in ally , s h e s n atc hes it a nd r e atta ches it .

She ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd p ic k s u p th e b ookle t a gain . " T he M ir a cle C ap m ust r e m ain o n th e h ead fo r tw o h o urs w it h o ut r e m oval o r r e su lt s --" "T w o hours ?" "I'll h ave P asc ago ula fix y o u a g la ss o f te a, d ear." M oth er p ats m e o n th e s h o uld er a nd s w is h es o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor.

For tw o h o urs , I s m oke c ig are tte s a nd r e ad Lif e m agazin e. I fin is h To K ill a M ock in gbir d .

F in ally , I pic k u p th e Ja ck so n J o urn al , p ic k th ro ugh it . I t's F rid ay, s o th ere w on't b e a M is s M yrn a c o lu m n.

On p age fo ur, I r e ad :

Boy b lin ded o ver s e g re g ate d b ath ro om , s u sp ects q uestio ned .

I t s o und s . . .

fa m ilia r. I r e m em ber th en. T his m ust b e A ib ile en's n eig hb or.

Tw ic e th is w eek , I 'v e g o ne b y E liz a b eth 's h o use h o pin g s h e w ould n't b e h o m e, s o I c o uld ta lk to Aib ile en, tr y to fin d s o m e w ay to c o nvin ce h er to h elp m e. E liz a b eth w as h unched o ver h er s e w in g machin e, in te nt o n g ettin g a n ew d re ss r e ad y fo r th e C hris tm as s e aso n, a nd it is y et a no th er g re en go w n, c heap a nd fr a il. S he m ust'v e g o tte n a s te al a t th e b arg ain b in o n g re en m ate ria l. I w is h I c o uld go d ow n to K ennin gto n's a nd c harg e h er s o m eth in g n ew b ut ju st th e o ffe r w ould e m barra ss h er to death .

"S o, d o y o u k no w w hat y o u'r e w earin g fo r th e d ate ?" H illy 'd a sk ed th e s e co nd tim e I c am e b y.

"N ext S atu rd ay?" I'd s h ru gged . " I g uess I h ave to g o s h o ppin g." Ju st th en A ib ile en b ro ught a tr a y o f c o ffe e o ut a nd s e t it o n th e ta b le .

"T hank y o u." E liz a b eth n o dded to h er.

"W hy, th ank y o u, A ib ile en," H illy s a id , s u garin g h er c up . " I te ll y o u, y o u m ak e th e b est c o lo re d co ffe e in to w n." "T hank y o u, m a'a m ." "A ib ile en," H illy c o ntin ued , " h o w d o y o u lik e y o ur n ew b ath ro om o ut th ere ? I t's n ic e to h ave a p la ce of y o ur o w n, n o w is n 't it ? " Aib ile en s ta re d a t th e c ra ck in th e d in in g ta b le . " Y es m a'a m ." "Y ou k no w , M is te r H olb ro ok a rra nged fo r th at b ath ro om , A ib ile en. S ent th e b oys o ver a nd th e eq uip m ent, to o." H illy s m ile d .

Aib ile en ju st s to od th ere a nd I w is h ed I w asn 't in th e r o om .

Ple a se , I th o ught, ple a se d on't s a y th ank y o u.

"Y es m a'a m ." A ib ile en o pened a d ra w er a nd r e ached in sid e, b ut H illy k ep t lo okin g a t h er. I t w as s o obvio us w hat s h e w ante d .

Ano th er s e co nd p asse d w it h n o o ne m ovin g. H illy c le are d h er th ro at a nd fin ally A ib ile en lo w ere d h er head . " T hank y o u, m a'a m ," s h e w his p ere d . S he w alk ed b ack in to th e k it c hen. I t's n o w ond er s h e doesn 't w ant to ta lk to m e. At n o on, M oth er r e m oves th e v ib ra tin g c ap fr o m m y h ead , w ash es th e g o o fr o m m y h air w hile I le an back in th e k it c hen s in k . S he q uic k ly r o lls u p a d oze n c urle rs , p uts m e u nd er h er h air d ry er h o od in her b ath ro om .

An h o ur la te r, I e m erg e p in k a nd s o re head ed a nd th ir s ty . M oth er s ta nd s m e in fr o nt o f th e m ir ro r, pullin g o ut c urle rs . S he b ru sh es o ut th e g ia nt c ir c ula r m ound s o n m y h ead .

We s ta re , d um bfo und ed .

"H o-ly s h it ," I s a y. A ll I 'm th in k in g is , The d ate . T he b lin d d ate is n ex t w eek en d.

Moth er s m ile s, s h o ck ed . S he d oesn 't e ven s c o ld m e fo r c urs in g. M y h air lo oks g re at. T he S hin ala to r actu ally w ork ed .

ch ap te r 9 O N S ATU RD AY, th e d ay o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth , I s it fo r tw o h o urs u nd er th e S hin ala to r ( re su lt s , it s e em s, o nly la st u ntil th e n ext w ash ). W hen I 'm d ry , I g o to K ennin gto n's a nd b uy th e f la tte st s h o es I c an fin d a nd a s lim b la ck c re p e d re ss. I h ate s h o ppin g, b ut I 'm g la d fo r th e d is tr a ctio n, to n o t h ave to w orry a b out M is su s S te in o r A ib ile en fo r a n a fte rn o on. I c harg e th e e ig hty -fiv e d olla rs to M oth er's a cco unt s in ce s h e's a lw ays b eggin g m e to g o b uy n ew c lo th es.

( "S om eth in g fla tte rin g fo r y o ur siz e .

") I k no w M oth er w ould p ro fo und ly d is a p pro ve o f th e c le avage t h e d re ss e nab le s m e to h ave. I 'v e n ever o w ned a d re ss lik e th is .

I n th e K ennin gto n's p ark in g lo t I s ta rt th e c ar, b ut c anno t d riv e fo r th e s u d den p ain s in m y s to m ach. I g rip th e w hit e p ad ded s te erin g w heel, te llin g m yse lf fo r th e te nth tim e th at it 's r id ic ulo us to w is h fo r s o m eth in g I 'll n ever h ave. T o th in k I k no w th e c o lo r b lu e h is e yes a re fr o m a b la ck -a nd -w hit e p ho to gra p h. T o c o nsid er s o m eth in g a c hance th at is n o th in g b ut p ap er a nd fila m ent a nd p ostp oned d in ners . B ut th e d re ss, w it h m y n ew h air , it a ctu ally lo oks p re tty g o od o n m e. A nd I c an't h elp b ut h o pe.

I T W AS F O UR M ONTH S A GO w hen H illy s h o w ed m e th e p ic tu re , o ut b ack b y h er s w im min g p ool. H illy w as ta nnin g in th e s u n, I w as fa nnin g in th e m urk y s h ad e. M y h eat r a sh h ad fla re d in J u ly a nd h ad n't s u b sid ed .

" I'm b usy," I s a id . H illy s a t o n th e e d ge o f th e p ool, s a ggy a nd p ost- p re gnant fa t, in exp lic ab ly c o nfid ent in h er b la ck s w im su it . H er s to m ach w as p aunchy, b ut h er le gs, a s a lw ays, w ere th in a nd p re tty .

" I h aven't e ven to ld y o u w hen h e's c o m in g," s h e s a id . " A nd h e c o m es fr o m s u ch a g o od fa m ily ." S he w as, o f c o urs e , ta lk in g a b out h er o w n. H e w as W illia m 's s e co nd c o usin r e m oved . " J u st m eet h im a nd s e e w hat y o u th in k ." I lo oked d ow n a t th e p ic tu re a gain . H e h ad c le ar o pen e yes, lig ht b ro w n c urly h air , w as th e ta lle st in a g ro up o f m en b y a la k e. B ut h is b ody w as h alf - h id den b y th e o th ers . H e m ust n o t h ave a ll h is l im bs.

" T here 's n o th in g wro ng w it h h im ," H illy s a id . " A sk E liz a b eth , s h e m et h im a t th e B enefit la st y ear w hile y o u w ere u p a t s c ho ol. N ot to m entio n, h e d ate d P atr ic ia v an D evend er fo r fo re ver." " P atr ic ia v an D evend er? " M ost B eautif u l a t O le M is s, tw o y ears in a r o w ?

" P lu s h e s ta rte d h is o w n o il b usin ess o ver in V ic k sb urg . S o if it d oesn 't w ork o ut, it 's n o t lik e y o u'll b e r u nnin g in to h im e very d ay in to w n." " A lr ig ht," I fin ally s ig hed , m ore th an a nyth in g to g et H illy o ff m y b ack .

IT 's P A ST T H REE O 'C LO CK B Y th e tim e I g et b ack h o m e fr o m b uyin g th e d re ss. I 'm s u p pose d to b e a t H illy 's a t s ix to m eet S tu art. I c heck th e m ir ro r. T he c urls a re s ta rtin g to fr a y o n th e e nd s, b ut re st o f m y h air is s till s m ooth . M oth er w as th rille d w hen I to ld h er I w ante d to tr y th e S hin ala to r again a nd w asn 't e ven s u sp ic io us o f w hy. S he d oesn 't k no w a b out m y d ate to nig ht a nd if s h e so m eho w fin d s o ut, th e n ext th re e m onth s w ill b e fu ll o f e xcru cia tin g q uestio ns lik e " D id h e c all? " a nd "W hat d id y o u d o w ro ng?" w hen it d oesn 't w ork o ut.

Moth er's d ow nsta ir s in th e r e la xin g r o om w it h D ad dy, h o lle rin g a t th e R eb el b ask etb all te am . M y bro th er, C arlt o n, is o n th e s o fa w it h h is s h in y n ew g ir lf r ie nd . T hey d ro ve u p th is a fte rn o on fr o m L SU .

She h as a d ark s tr a ig ht p onty ta il a nd w ears a r e d b lo use .

When I g et C arlt o n a lo ne in th e k it c hen, h e la ughs, y ank s m y h air lik e w e'r e k id s a gain . " S o h o w a re yo u, s is te r? " I te ll h im a b out th e jo b a t th e p ap er, th at I 'm e d it o r o f th e L eague n ew sle tte r. I a ls o te ll h im h e b ette r be m ovin g b ack h o m e a fte r la w s c ho ol. " Y ou d ese rv e s o m e o f M oth er's tim e to o. I 'm ta k in g m ore th an m y fa ir s h are h ere ," I s a y th ro ugh g rit te d te eth .

He la ughs lik e h e u nd ers ta nd s, b ut h o w c o uld h e r e ally ? H e's th re e y ears o ld er th an m e a nd g re at- lo okin g, ta ll w it h w avy b lo nd h air , fin is h in g L SU la w s c ho ol, p ro te cte d b y a h und re d a nd s e venty mile s o f b ad ly p aved r o ad s.

When h e g o es b ack to h is g ir lf r ie nd , I s e arc h fo r M oth er's c ar k eys, b ut I c an't fin d th em a nyw here .

It's a lr e ad y a q uarte r to fiv e. I g o a nd s ta nd in th e d oorw ay, tr y to c atc h M oth er's a tte ntio n. I h ave to wait fo r h er to fin is h fir in g q uestio ns a t P onyta il G ir l a b out h er p eo ple a nd w here s h e's fr o m , b ut Moth er w ill n o t le t u p u ntil s h e fin d s a t le ast o ne p ers o n th ey h ave in c o m mon. A fte r th at, it 's w hat so ro rit y th e g ir l w as in a t V and erb ilt , a nd s h e fin ally c o nclu d es b y a sk in g w hat h er s ilv er p atte rn is .

It's b ette r th an a h o ro sc o pe, M oth er a lw ays s a ys.

Ponyta il G ir l s a ys h er fa m ily p atte rn is C hantilly , b ut s h e'll b e p ic k in g o ut h er o w n n ew p atte rn w hen sh e g ets m arrie d . " S in ce I c o nsid er m yse lf a n in d ep end ent th in k er a nd a ll. " C arlt o n p ets h er o n th e head a nd s h e n ud ges a gain st h is h and lik e a c at. T hey b oth lo ok u p a t m e a nd s m ile .

"S keete r," P onyta il G ir l s a ys to m e a cro ss th e r o om , " y o u'r e s o lu ck y to c o m e fr o m a F ra ncis th e Fir s t fa m ily p atte rn . W ill y o u k eep it w hen y o u g et m arrie d ?" "F ra ncis th e F ir s t is ju st d re am y," I b eam . " W hy, I p ull th o se fo rk s o ut a ll th e tim e ju st to lo ok a t th em ." Moth er n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. I m otio n h er to th e k it c hen, b ut a no th er te n m in ute s p ass u ntil s h e co m es in .

"W here in th e w orld a re y o ur k eys, M am a? I 'm la te fo r H illy 's . I 'm s ta yin g th ere to nig ht." "W hat? B ut C arlt o n's h o m e. W hat's h is n ew fr ie nd g o in g to th in k if y o u le ave fo r s o m eth in g b ette r to do?" I'v e p ut o ff te llin g h er th is b ecause I k new , w heth er C arlt o n w as h o m e o r n o t, it w ould tu rn in to a n arg um ent.

"A nd P asc ago ula m ad e a r o ast a nd D ad dy's g o t th e w ood a ll r e ad y fo r a fir e to nig ht in th e r e la xin g ro om ." "It's e ig hty -fiv e d egre es o uts id e, M am a." "N ow lo ok. Y our b ro th er is h o m e a nd I e xp ect y o u to b ehave lik e a g o od s is te r. I d on't w ant y o u le avin g u ntil y o u'v e h ad a n ic e lo ng v is it w it h th is g ir l. " S he's lo okin g a t h er w atc h w hile I r e m in d myse lf I 'm tw enty -th re e y ears o ld . " P le ase , d arlin g," s h e s a ys a nd I s ig h a nd c arry a d am n tr a y o f min t ju le p s o ut to th e o th ers .

"M am a," I s a y b ack in th e k it c hen a t fiv e tw enty -e ig ht. " I'v e g o t to g o . W here a re y o ur k eys? H illy 's wait in g o n m e." "B ut w e h aven't e ven h ad th e p ig s in a b la nk et y et." "H illy 's g o t . . . a s to m ach b ug," I w his p er. " A nd h er h elp d oesn 't c o m e in to m orro w . S he n eed s m e to w atc h th e k id s." Moth er s ig hs. " I g uess th at m eans y o u'r e g o in g to c hurc h w it h th em to o. A nd I th o ught w e c o uld a ll go to m orro w a s a fa m ily . H ave S und ay d in ner to geth er." "M am a, p le ase ," I s a y, r u m magin g th ro ugh a b ask et w here s h e k eep s h er k eys. " I c an't fin d y o ur keys anyw here .

" "Y ou c an't ta k e th e C ad illa c o vern ig ht. T hat's o ur g o od S und ay c hurc h c ar." He's g o in g to b e a t H illy 's in th ir ty m in ute s. I 'm s u p pose d to d re ss a nd d o m y m ak eup a t H illy 's s o Moth er w on't s u sp ect a nyth in g. I c an't ta k e D ad dy's n ew tr u ck . I t's fu ll o f fe rtiliz e r a nd I k no w h e'll need it a t d aw n to m orro w .

"A lr ig ht, I 'll ta k e th e o ld tr u ck , th en." "I b elie ve it h as a tr a ile r o n it . G o a sk y o ur d ad dy." But I c an't a sk D ad dy b ecause I c an't g o th ro ugh th is in fr o nt o f th re e o th er p eo ple w ho w ill lo ok a ll hurt th at I 'm le avin g, s o I g ra b th e o ld tr u ck k eys a nd s a y, " It d oesn 't m atte r. I 'm ju st g o in g s tr a ig ht to Hilly 's ," a nd I h uff o uts id e o nly to fin d th at n o t o nly d oes th e o ld tr u ck h ave a tr a ile r h it c hed to it , b ut a h alf - to n tr a cto r o n to p o f th at tr a ile r.

So I d riv e in to to w n fo r m y fir s t d ate in tw o y ears in a r e d 1 941 C hevro le t fo ur- o n-th e-flo or w it h a Jo hn D eere m oto r g ra d er h o oked b ehin d m e. T he e ngin e s p utte rs a nd c hurn s a nd I w ond er if th e tr u ck w ill m ak e it . C hunk s o f m ud s p ra y b ehin d m e o ff th e tir e s. T he e ngin e s ta lls o n th e m ain r o ad , se nd in g m y d re ss a nd b ag fly in g o nto th e d ir ty flo or. I h ave to r e sta rt tw ic e.

At fiv e fo rty -fiv e, a b la ck th in g s tr e ak s o ut in fr o nt o f m e a nd I fe el a th unk . I tr y to s to p b ut bra k in g's ju st n o t s o m eth in g y o u c an d o v ery q uic k ly w it h a 1 0,0 00-p ound p ie ce o f m achin ery behin d y o u. I g ro an a nd p ull o ver. I h ave to g o c heck . R em ark ab ly , th e c at s ta nd s u p , lo oks a ro und stu nned , a nd s h o ots b ack in to th e w oods a s q uic k ly a s it c am e.

At th re e m in ute s to s ix , a fte r d oin g tw enty in a fif ty w it h h o rn s h o nk in g a nd te enagers h o lle rin g a t m e, I p ark d ow n th e s tr e et fr o m H illy 's h o use s in ce H illy 's c ul- d e-sa c d oesn 't p ro vid e a d eq uate p ark in g fo r fa rm e q uip m ent. I g ra b m y b ag a nd r u n in sid e w it h o ut e ven k no ck in g, a ll o ut o f b re ath a nd sw eaty a nd w in d blo w n a nd th ere th ey a re , th e th re e o f th em , in clu d in g m y d ate . H avin g h ig hb alls in th e fr o nt liv in g r o om .

I fr e eze in th e e ntr a nce h all w it h a ll o f th em lo okin g a t m e. W illia m a nd S tu art b oth s ta nd u p . G od, he's ta ll, h as a t le ast fo ur in ches o ver m e. H illy 's e yes a re b ig w hen s h e g ra b s m y a rm . " B oys, w e'll be r ig ht b ack . Y 'a ll ju st s it tig ht a nd ta lk a b out q uarte rb ack s o r s o m eth in g." Hilly w his k s m e o ff to h er d re ssin g r o om a nd w e b oth s ta rt g ro anin g. I t's ju st s o g o ddam n a w fu l.

"S keete r, y o u d on't e ven h ave lip stic k o n! Y our h air lo oks lik e a r a t's n est! " "I k no w , lo ok a t m e!" A ll tr a ces o f th e S hin ala to r's m ir a cle a re g o ne. " T here 's n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g in th e tr u ck . I h ad to r id e w it h th e d am n w in d ow s d ow n." I s c ru b m y fa ce a nd H illy s it s m e in h er d re ssin g r o om c hair . S he s ta rts c o m bin g m y h air o ut th e w ay my m oth er u se d to d o, tw is tin g it in to th ese g ia nt r o lle rs , s p ra yin g it w it h F in al N et.

"W ell? W hat d id y o u th in k o f h im ?" s h e a sk s.

I s ig h a nd c lo se m y u nm asc ara ed e yes. " H e lo oks h and so m e." I s m ear th e m ak eup o n, s o m eth in g I h ard ly e ven k no w h o w to d o. H illy lo oks a t m e a nd s m ud ges it off w it h a tis su e, r e ap plie s it . I s lip in to th e b la ck d re ss w it h th e d eep V in th e fr o nt, th e b la ck Delm an fla ts . H illy q uic k ly b ru sh es o ut m y h air . I w ash m y a rm pit s w it h a w et r a g a nd s h e r o lls h er eyes a t m e.

"I h it a ca t ," I s a y.

"H e's a lr e ad y h ad tw o d rin k s w ait in g o n y o u." I s ta nd u p a nd s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " A lr ig ht," I s a y, " g iv e it to m e. O ne to te n." Hilly lo oks m e u p a nd d ow n, s to ps o n th e d ip in th e fr o nt o f th e d re ss. S he r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. I 'v e never s h o w n c le avage b efo re in m y lif e ; k in d o f fo rg o t I h ad it .

"S ix ," s h e s a ys, lik e s h e is s u rp ris e d h ers e lf .

We ju st lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . H illy le ts o ut a lit tle s q ueal a nd I s m ile b ack . H illy 's n ever g iv en me h ig her th an a fo ur. When w e c o m e b ack in to th e fr o nt liv in g r o om , W illia m 's p oin tin g h is fin ger a t S tu art. " I'm g o in g to ru n fo r th at s e at a nd b y G od, w it h y o ur d ad dy's --" "S tu art W hit w orth ," H illy a nno unces, " I'd lik e to in tr o duce S keete r P hela n." He s ta nd s u p , a nd fo r a m in ute m y h ead is p erfe ctly q uie t in sid e. I m ak e m yse lf lo ok, lik e s e lf - in flic te d to rtu re , a s h e ta k es m e in .

"S tu art h ere w ent to s c ho ol o ver a t th e U niv ers it y o f A la b am a," W illia m s a ys, a d din g, " R oll T id e." "N ic e to m eet y o u." S tu art flip s m e a b rie f s m ile . T hen h e ta k es a lo ng s lu rp o f h is d rin k u ntil I h ear th e ic e c lin k a gain st h is te eth . " S o w here w e o ff to ?" h e a sk s W illia m .

We ta k e W illia m 's O ld sm obile to th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. S tu art o pens m y d oor a nd s it s b esid e m e in th e b ack , b ut th en le ans o ver th e s e at ta lk in g to W illia m a b out d eer s e aso n th e r e st o f th e r id e.

At th e ta b le , h e p ulls o ut m y c hair fo r m e a nd I s it , s m ile , s a y th ank y o u.

"Y ou w ant a d rin k ?" h e a sk s m e, n o t lo okin g m y w ay.

"N o, th ank s. J u st w ate r, p le ase ." He tu rn s to th e w ait e r a nd s a ys, " D oub le O ld K entu ck y s tr a ig ht w it h a w ate r b ack ." I g uess it 's s o m e tim e a fte r h is fif th b ourb on, I s a y, " S o H illy te lls m e y o u'r e in th e o il b usin ess. T hat must b e in te re stin g." "T he m oney's g o od. I f th at's w hat y o u r e ally w ant to k no w ." "O h, I d id n't . . ." B ut I s to p b ecause h e's c ra nin g h is n eck a t s o m eth in g. I lo ok u p a nd s e e h e's sta rin g a t a w om an w ho 's a t th e d oor, a b usty b lo nd e w it h r e d lip stic k a nd a tig ht g re en d re ss.

Willia m tu rn s to s e e w hat S tu art's lo okin g a t, b ut h e s w in gs b ack a ro und q uic k ly . H e s h ak es h is h ead no , v ery s lig htly , a t S tu art a nd I s e e, h ead in g o ut th e d oor, it 's H illy 's o ld b oyfr ie nd , J o hnny F oote , wit h h is n ew w if e , C elia . T hey le ave a nd W illia m a nd I g la nce a t e ach o th er, s h arin g o ur r e lie f th at Hilly d id n't s e e th em .

"L ord , th at g ir l's h o t a s T unic a b la ck to p," S tu art s a ys u nd er h is b re ath a nd I s u p pose th at's w hen I ju st s to p c arin g w hat h ap pens.

At s o m e p oin t, H illy lo oks a t m e to s e e w hat's g o in g o n. I s m ile lik e e very th in g's fin e a nd s h e s m ile s back , h ap py to s e e it 's a ll w ork in g o ut. " W illia m ! T he lie ute nant g o vern o r ju st w alk ed in . L et's g o sp eak b efo re h e s it s d ow n." They g o o ff to geth er, le avin g u s, th e tw o lo veb ir d s s it tin g o n th e s a m e s id e o f th e ta b le , s ta rin g a t a ll th e h ap py c o up le s in th e r o om .

"S o," h e s a ys, h ard ly tu rn in g h is h ead . " Y ou e ver g o to a ny o f th e A la b am a fo otb all g am es? " I n ever e ven m ad e it to C olo nel F ie ld a nd th at w as fiv e th o usa nd y ard s fr o m m y b ed . " N o, I 'm n o t re ally a fo otb all fa n." I lo ok a t m y w atc h. I t's h ard ly s e ven fif te en.

"T hat s o ." H e e yes th e d rin k th e w ait e r h as h and ed h im lik e h e'd r e ally e njo y d ow nin g it . " W ell, w hat do y o u d o w it h y o ur tim e?" "I w rit e a . . . d om estic m ain te nance c o lu m n fo r th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

" He w rin k le s h is b ro w , th en la ughs. " D om estic m ain te nance. Y ou m ean . . . h o use k eep in g?" I n o d.

"J e su s." H e s tir s h is d rin k . " I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g w ors e th an r e ad in g a c o lu m n o n h o w to c le an ho use ," h e s a ys, a nd I n o tic e th at h is fr o nt to oth is th e s lig hte st b it c ro oked . I lo ng to p oin t th is im perfe ctio n o ut to h im , b ut h e fin is h es h is th o ught w it h , " E xcep t m ayb e w rit in g it ." I ju st s ta re a t h im .

"S ound s lik e a p lo y to m e, to fin d a h usb and . B eco m in g a n e xp ert o n k eep in g h o use ." "W ell, y o u m ust b e a g eniu s. Y ou'v e fig ure d o ut m y w ho le s c hem e." "Is n 't th at w hat y o u w om en fr o m O le M is s m ajo r in ? P ro fe ssio nal h usb and h untin g?" I w atc h h im , d um bfo und ed . I m ay n o t'v e h ad a d ate in u m pte en y ears , b ut w ho d oes h e th in k h e is ?

"I'm s o rry , b ut w ere y o u d ro pped o n y o ur h ead a s a n in fa nt? " He b lin k s a t m e, th en la ughs fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht.

"N ot th at it 's a ny o f y o ur b usin ess," I s a y, " b ut I h ad to s ta rt s o m ew here if I p la n o n b ein g a jo urn alis t." I th in k I 'v e a ctu ally im pre sse d h im . B ut th en h e th ro w s b ack th e d rin k a nd th e lo ok is go ne.

We e at d in ner, a nd fr o m h is p ro file I c an s e e h is n o se is a lit tle p oin ty . H is e yeb ro w s a re to o th ic k , and h is lig ht b ro w n h air to o c o ars e . W e s a y lit tle e ls e , to e ach o th er a t le ast. H illy c hats , th ro w in g th in gs o ur w ay lik e, " S tu art, S keete r h ere liv es o n a p la nta tio n ju st n o rth o f to w n. D id n't th e s e nato r gro w u p o n a p eanut fa rm ?" Stu art o rd ers y et a no th er d rin k .

When H illy a nd I g o to th e b ath ro om , s h e g iv es m e a h o pefu l s m ile . " W hat d o y o u th in k ?" "H e's . . . ta ll, " I s a y, s u rp ris e d s h e h asn 't n o tic ed th at n o t o nly is m y d ate in exp lic ab ly r u d e, b ut dro p-d ead d ru nk .

The e nd o f th e m eal fin ally c o m es a nd h e a nd W illia m s p lit th e c heck . S tu art s ta nd s u p a nd h elp s m e wit h m y ja ck et. A t le ast h e h as n ic e m anners .

"J e su s, I 'v e n ever m et a w om an w it h s u ch lo ng a rm s," h e s a ys. "W ell, I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody w it h s u ch a d rin k in g p ro ble m ." "Y our c o at s m ells lik e--" H e le ans d ow n a nd s n if fs it , g rim acin g. " Fertiliz e r.

" He s tr id es o ff to th e m en's r o om a nd I w is h I c o uld d is a p pear.

The c ar r id e, a ll th re e m in ute s o f it , is im possib ly s ile nt. A nd lo ng.

We g o b ack in sid e H illy 's h o use . Y ule M ay c o m es o ut in h er w hit e u nif o rm , s a ys, " T hey a ll fin e, w ent to b ed g o od," a nd s h e s lip s o ut th ro ugh th e k it c hen d oor. I e xcuse m yse lf to th e b ath ro om .

"S keete r, w hy d on't y o u d riv e S tu art h o m e?" W illia m s a ys w hen I c o m e o ut. " I'm b ush ed , a re n't y o u, Hilly ?" Hilly 's lo okin g a t m e lik e s h e's tr y in g to fig ure o ut w hat I w ant to d o. I th o ught I 'd m ad e it o bvio us when I s ta yed in th e b ath ro om fo r te n m in ute s.

"Y our . . . c ar's n o t h ere ?" I a sk th e a ir in fr o nt o f S tu art.

"I d on't b elie ve m y c o usin 's in a p osit io n to d riv e." W illia m la ughs. E very o ne's q uie t a gain .

"I c am e in a tr u ck ," I s a y. " I'd h ate fo r y o u to . . ." "S ho ot," W illia m s a ys, s la p pin g S tu art o n th e b ack . " S tu art d oesn 't m in d r id in g in a tr u ck , d o y o u, bud dy?" "W illia m ," H illy s a ys, " w hy d on't y o u d riv e a nd , S keete r, y o u c an r id e a lo ng." "N ot m e, I 'm to o b ooze d u p m yse lf ," W illia m s a ys e ven th o ugh h e ju st d ro ve u s h o m e.

Fin ally , I ju st w alk o ut th e d oor. S tu art fo llo w s m e, d oesn 't c o m ment th at I d id n't p ark in fr o nt o f Hilly 's h o use o r in H illy 's d riv ew ay. W hen w e g et to m y tr u ck , w e b oth s to p, s ta re a t th e fif te en-fo ot tr a cto r h o oked b ehin d m y v ehic le .

"Y ou p ulle d th at th in g a ll b y y o urs e lf ? " I s ig h. I g uess it 's b ecause I 'm a b ig p ers o n a nd h ave n ever fe lt p etit e o r p artic ula rly fe m in in e o r g ir ly , but th at tr a cto r. I t ju st s e em s to s u m u p s o m uch.

"T hat is th e fu nnie st d am n lo okin g th in g I h ave e ver s e en," h e s a ys.

I s te p a w ay fr o m h im . " H illy c an ta k e y o u," I s a y. " H illy w ill d riv e y o u." H e tu rn s a nd fo cuse s o n m e fo r w hat, I 'm p re tty s u re , is th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht. A fte r s e vera l lo ng m om ents o f s ta nd in g th ere b ein g lo oked a t, m y e yes fill w it h te ars . I 'm ju st s o tir e d .

"A h, s h it ," h e s a ys a nd h is b ody lo ose ns. " L ook, I to ld H illy I w asn 't r e ad y fo r a ny d am n d ate ." "D on't . . ." I s a y, b ack in g a w ay fr o m h im , a nd I h ead b ack to th e h o use .

SU N DAY M ORN IN G I G ET u p E A RLY , b efo re H illy a nd W illia m , b efo re th e k id s a nd th e c hurc h tr a ffic . I d riv e h o m e w it h th e tr a cto r r u m blin g b ehin d m e. T he fe rtiliz e r s m ell g iv es m e a h ango ver even th o ugh I h ad n o th in g b ut w ate r la st n ig ht.

I'd g o ne b ack in H illy 's h o use la st n ig ht, S tu art tr a ilin g b ehin d m e. K no ck in g o n H illy 's b ed ro om door, I a sk ed W illia m , w ho a lr e ad y h ad a m outh fu ll o f to oth p aste , w ould h e m in d d riv in g S tu art ho m e. I 'd w alk ed u p sta ir s to th e g uest r o om b efo re h e e ven a nsw ere d .

I s te p o ver D ad dy's d ogs o n th e p orc h, g o in to m y p are nts ' h o use . A s s o on a s I s e e M oth er, I g iv e her a h ug. W hen s h e tr ie s to le t g o , I c an't le t h er.

"W hat is it , S keete r? Y ou d id n't c atc h H illy 's s to m ach b ug, d id y o u?" "N o, I 'm fin e." I w is h I c o uld te ll h er a b out m y n ig ht. I fe el g uilt y fo r n o t b ein g n ic er to h er, fo r n o t need in g h er u ntil m y o w n lif e tu rn s b ad . I fe el b ad fo r w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere in ste ad .

Moth er p ats m y w in d blo w n h air d ow n s in ce it m ust b e a d din g a t le ast tw o in ches to m y h eig ht. " Y ou su re y o u'r e n o t fe elin g b ad ?" "I'm a lr ig ht, M am a." I a m to o tir e d to r e sis t. I a che lik e s o m eo ne k ic k ed m e in th e s to m ach. W it h boots o n. I t w on't g o a w ay.

"Y ou k no w ," s h e s a ys, s m ilin g, " I th in k th is m ig ht b e th e o ne fo r C arlt o n." "G ood, M am a," I s a y. " I'm r e ally g la d fo r h im ." AT E LEV EN O 'C LO CK th e n ext m orn in g, th e p ho ne r in gs. L uck ily , I 'm in th e k it c hen a nd p ic k it up .

"M is s S keete r? " I s ta nd v ery s till, th en lo ok o ut a t M oth er e xam in in g h er c heck book a t th e d in in g r o om ta b le .

Pasc ago ula is p ullin g a r o ast o ut o f th e o ven. I g o in to th e p antr y a nd s h ut th e d oor.

"A ib ile en?" I w his p er.

She's q uie t a s e co nd a nd th en s h e b lu rts it o ut. " W hat if - -w hat if y o u d on't lik e w hat I g o t to s a y? I mean, a b out w hit e p eo ple s." "I- -I . . . th is is n 't a b out m y o pin io n," I s a y. " It d oesn 't m atte r h o w I fe el. " "B ut h o w I k no w y o u a in 't g o ne g et m ad , tu rn a ro und o n m e?" "I d on't . . . I g uess y o u'll ju st h ave to . . . tr u st m e." I h o ld m y b re ath , h o pin g, w ait in g. T here is a lo ng p ause .

"L aw h ave m erc y. I r e ck on I 'm o n d o it ." " Aib ile en .

" M y h eart is p ound in g. " Y ou h ave n o id ea h o w m uch I a p pre cia te --" "M is s S keete r, w e g o ne h ave to b e r e al c are fu l. " "W e w ill, I pro m is e .

" "A nd y o u g o ne h ave to c hange m y n am e. M in e, M is s L eefo lt 's , e verb ody's ." "O f c o urs e ." I s h o uld 'v e m entio ned th is . " W hen c an w e m eet? Where c an w e m eet? " "C an't d o it in th e w hit e n eig hb orh o od, th at's fo r s u re . I g uess . . . w e g o ne h ave to d o it o ver a t m y ho use ." "D o y o u k no w a ny o th er m aid s w ho m ig ht b e in te re ste d ?" I a sk , e ven th o ugh M is su s S te in h as o nly agre ed to r e ad o ne. B ut I h ave to b e r e ad y, o n th e s lim c hance s h e lik es it .

Aib ile en is q uie t a m om ent. " I g uess I c o uld a sk M in ny. B ut s h e a in 't r e al k een o n ta lk in g to w hit e peo ple s." "M in ny? Y ou m ean . . . M is su s W alt e rs ' o ld m aid ," I s a y, fe elin g s u d denly h o w in cestu o us th is is tu rn in g. I w ould n't ju st b e p eerin g in to E liz a b eth 's lif e , b ut H illy 's to o.

"M in ny g o t h er s o m e s to rie s. S ho n uff." "A ib ile en," I s a y. " T hank y o u. O h, th ank y o u." "Y es m a'a m ." "I ju st . . . I h ave to a sk y o u. W hat c hanged y o ur m in d ?" Aib ile en d oesn 't e ven p ause . " M is s H illy ," s h e s a ys.

I g o q uie t, th in k in g o f H illy 's b ath ro om p la n a nd a ccusin g th e m aid o f s te alin g a nd h er ta lk o f dis e ase s. T he n am e c o m es o ut fla t, b it te r a s a b ad p ecan.

MIN NY ch ap te r 1 0 I W ALK I N TO W ORK w it h o ne th in g o n m y m in d . T oday is th e fir s t d ay o f D ecem ber a nd w hile t h e r e st o f th e U nit e d S ta te s is d ustin g o ff th eir m anger s c enes a nd p ullin g o ut th eir o ld s tin k y s to ck in gs, I 'v e g o t a no th er m an I 'm w ait in g o n. A nd it 's n o t S anty C la us a nd it 's n o t th e B ab y J e su s.

I t's M is te r J o hnny F oote , J r., w ho w ill le arn th at M in ny J a ck so n is h is m aid o n C hris tm as E ve.

I a m w ait in g o n th e tw enty -fo urth lik e a c o urt d ate . I d on't k no w w hat M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to d o w hen h e fin d s o ut I 'm w ork in g h ere . M ayb e h e'll s a y, G ood! C om e c le an m y k it c hen a nytim e!

H ere 's s o m e m oney! B ut I 'm n o t th at s tu p id . T his s e cre t- k eep in g is w ay to o fis h y fo r h im to b e s o m e s m ilin g w hit e y w antin g to g iv e m e a r a is e . T here 's a g o od c hance I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b c o m e C hris tm as D ay.

I t's e atin g m e u p , n o t k no w in g, b ut w hat I d o k no w is , a m onth a go , I d ecid ed th ere h ad to b e a m ore d ig nif ie d w ay to d ie th an h avin g a h eart a tta ck s q uattin g o n to p o f a w hit e la d y's to ile t lid . A nd a fte r a ll th at, it w asn 't e ven M is te r J o hnny th at c am e h o m e, it w as ju st th e d am n m ete r m an.

B ut th ere w asn 't m uch r e lie f w hen it w as o ver. W hat s c are d m e w ors e w as M is s C elia . A fte rw ard s, d urin g h er c o okin g le sso n, s h e w as s till s h ak in g s o b ad , s h e c o uld n't e ven m easu re th e s a lt in a s p oon.

M ONDAY C O M ES a nd I c an'T s to p th in k in g a b out L ouvenia B ro w n's g ra nd so n, R obert. H e g o t o ut o f th e h o sp it a l th is w eek end , w ent to liv e w it h L ouvenia , w hat w it h h is p are nts a lr e ad y d ead a nd a ll. L ast n ig ht, w hen I w ent o ver th ere to ta k e th em a c ara m el c ak e, R obert h ad a c ast o n h is a rm a nd b and ages o ver h is e yes. " O h, Louven ia ," w as a ll I c o uld s a y w hen I s a w h im . R obert w as la id u p o n th e s o fa a sle ep . T hey'd s h aved h alf h is h ead to o pera te . L ouvenia , w it h a ll h er tr o ub le s, s till w ante d to k no w h o w e ach a nd e very p ers o n in m y fa m ily w as d oin g. A nd w hen R obert s ta rte d to s tir , s h e a sk ed if I w ould n't m in d g o in g o n h o m e b ecause R obert w ak es u p s c re am in g. T errif ie d a nd r e m em berin g a ll o ver a gain th at h e's b lin d . S he th o ught it m ig ht b oth er m e. I c an't s to p th in k in g a b out i t .

" I'm g o in g to th e s to re a fte r w hile ," I s a y to M is s C elia . I h o ld th e g ro cery lis t o ut fo r h er to s e e.

E very M ond ay w e d o th is . S he g iv es m e th e g ro cery c ash a nd w hen I g et h o m e I p ush th e r e ceip t in h er fa ce. I w ant h er to s e e th at e very p enny o f c hange m atc hes th e p ap er. M is s C elia ju st s h ru gs b ut I k eep th o se tic k ets s a fe in a d ra w er in c ase th ere 's e ver a ny q uestio n.

M in ny c o okin g:

1 . H am w it h p in eap ple s 2 . B la ck -e yed p eas 3 . S w eet p ota to es 4 . A pple p ie 5 . B is c uit s Mis s C elia c o okin g:

1. B utte r b eans "B ut I d id b utte r b eans la st w eek ." "L earn th o se , e very th in g e ls e c o m e e asy." "I g uess it 's b ette r a nyw ay," s h e s a ys. " I c an s it d ow n a nd b e s till w hen I 'm s h ellin g." Alm ost th re e m onth s a nd th e fo ol s till c an't b oil c o ffe e. I p ull o ut m y p ie d ough, w ant to g et it r e ad y befo re I g o to th e s to re .

"C an w e d o a c ho co la te p ie th is tim e? I lo ve c ho co la te p ie ." I g rit m y te eth . " I d on't k no w h o w to c o ok n o c ho co la te p ie ," I lie .

Nev er. N ev er a gain a fte r M is s Hilly .

"Y ou c an't ? G osh , I th o ught y o u c o uld c o ok a nyth in g. M ayb e w e o ught to g et u s a r e cip e." "W hat e ls e k in d a p ie y o u th in k in g a b out? " "W ell, w hat a b out th at p each p ie y o u d id th at tim e?" s h e s a ys, p ourin g a g la ss o f m ilk . " T hat w as r e al go od." "T hem p eaches fr o m M exic o . P eaches a in 't in s e aso n a ro und h ere y et." "B ut I s a w th em a d vertis e d in th e p ap er." I s ig h. N oth in g is e asy w it h h er, b ut a t le ast s h e's o ff th e c ho co la te . " O ne th in g y o u g o t to k no w , th in gs is b est w hen th ey in s e aso n. Y ou d on't c o ok p um pkin s in th e s u m mer, y o u d on't c o ok p eaches in th e fa ll. Y ou c an't fin d it s e llin g o n th e s id e a th e r o ad , it a in 't in . L et's ju st d o u s a n ic e p ecan p ie in ste ad ." "A nd J o hnny lo ved th o se p ra lin es y o u d id . H e th o ught I w as th e s m arte st g ir l h e'd e ver m et w hen I gave h im th o se ." I tu rn b ack to m y d ough s o s h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. T w ic e in a m in ute s h e's m anaged to ir rit a te m e.

"A nyth in g e ls e y o u w ant M is te r J o hnny to th in k y o u d id ?" B esid es b ein g s c are d o ut o f m y w it s , I a m sic k a nd tir e d o f p assin g o ff m y c o okin g fo r s o m eb ody e ls e 's . E xcep t m y k id s, m y c o okin g's th e o nly th in g I 'm p ro ud o f.

"N o, th at's a ll. " M is s C elia s m ile s, d oesn 't n o tic e I 'v e s tr e tc hed m y p ie c ru st to w here fiv e h o le s r ip th ro ugh. J u st tw enty -fo ur m ore d ays o f th is s h it . I a m p ra yin g to th e L ord a nd th e d evil o n th e s id e th at M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't c o m e h o m e b efo re th en. EV ERY O TH ER D AY, I h ear M is s C elia o n th e p ho ne in h er r o om , c allin g a nd c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s. T he B enefit w as th re e w eek s a go a nd h ere s h e is a lr e ad y g unnin g u p fo r n ext y ear. S he a nd Mis te r J o hnny d id n't g o o r I w ould 'v e h eard p le nty a b out it .

I d id n't w ork th e B enefit th is y ear, fir s t tim e in a d ecad e. T he m oney's p re tty g o od, b ut I ju st c o uld n't ris k r u nnin g in to M is s H illy .

"C ould y o u te ll h er C elia F oote c alle d a gain ? I le ft h er a m essa ge a fe w d ays b ack . . ." Mis s C elia 's v o ic e is c hip per, lik e s h e's p ed dlin g s o m eth in g o n th e te e-v ee. E very tim e I h ear it , I want to je rk th e p ho ne o ut o f h er h and , te ll h er to q uit w astin g h er tim e. B ecause n ever m in d s h e lo oks lik e a h ussy. T here 's a b ig ger r e aso n w hy M is s C elia d oesn 't h ave a ny fr ie nd s a nd I k new it th e m in ute I s a w th at p ic tu re o f M is te r J o hnny. I 'v e s e rv ed e no ugh b rid ge c lu b lu ncheo ns to k no w so m eth in g a b out e very w hit e w om an in th is to w n. M is te r J o hnny d um ped M is s H illy fo r M is s C elia back in c o lle ge, a nd M is s H illy n ever g o t o ver h im .

I W alk in T H E C HURC H o n W ed nesd ay n ig ht. I t's n o t b ut h alf fu ll s in ce it 's o nly a q uarte r to s e ven and th e c ho ir d oesn 't s ta rt s in gin g u ntil s e ven th ir ty . B ut A ib ile en a sk ed m e to c o m e e arly s o h ere I am . I 'm c urio us w hat s h e h as to s a y. P lu s L ero y w as in a g o od m ood a nd p la yin g w it h th e k id s s o I fig ure , if h e w ants th em , h e c an h ave th em .

I s e e A ib ile en in o ur u su al p ew , le ft s id e, fo urth fr o m th e fr o nt, r ig ht b y th e w in d ow fa n. W e'r e p rim e mem bers a nd w e d ese rv e a p rim e s p ot. S he's g o t h er h air s m ooth ed b ack , a lit tle r o ll o f p encil c urls aro und h er n eck . S he's w earin g a b lu e d re ss w it h b ig w hit e b utto ns th at I 'v e n ever s e en b efo re .

Aib ile en h as w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o. W hit e la d ie s lo ve g iv in g h er th eir o ld s tu ff. A s u su al, sh e lo oks p lu m p a nd r e sp ecta b le , b ut fo r a ll h er p rim a nd p ro per, A ib ile en c an s till te ll a d ir ty jo ke th at'll m ak e y o u tin k le in y o ur p ants .

I w alk u p th e a is le , s e e A ib ile en fr o w n a t s o m eth in g, c re asin g h er fo re head . F or a s e co nd I c an s e e th e fif te en-o dd y ears b etw een u s. B ut th en s h e s m ile s a nd h er fa ce g o es y o ung a nd fa t a gain .

"L ord ," I s a y a s s o on a s I 'm s e ttle d in .

"I k no w . S om eb ody g o t to te ll h er." A ib ile en fa ns h er fa ce w it h h er h ank y. I t w as K ik i B ro w n's morn in g fo r c le anin g a nd th e w ho le c hurc h is g aud ie d u p w it h h er le m on s m ell- g o od s h e m ak es a nd tr ie s to s e ll fo r tw enty -fiv e c ents a b ottle . W e h ave a s ig n-u p s h eet fo r c le anin g th e c hurc h. A sk m e, Kik i B ro w n o ught to s ig n a lit tle le ss a nd th e m en o ught to s ig n a lo t m ore . F ar a s I k no w , n o m an has s ig ned th at s h eet o nce.

Besid es th e s m ell, th e c hurc h lo oks p re tty g o od. K ik i s h in ed th e p ew s to w here y o u c o uld p ic k y o ur te eth lo okin g a t th em . T he C hris tm as tr e e's a lr e ad y u p , n ext to th e a lt a r, fu ll o f tin se l a nd a s h in y g o ld sta r o n to p. T hre e w in d ow s o f th e c hurc h h ave s ta in ed g la ss--th e b ir th o f C hris t, L aza ru s r a is e d fr o m th e d ead , a nd th e te achin g o f th o se fo ol P haris e es. T he o th er s e ven a re fille d w it h r e gula r c le ar panes. W e'r e s till r a is in g m oney fo r th o se .

"H ow B enny's a sth m a?" A ib ile en a sk s.

"H ad a lit tle s p ell y este rd ay. L ero y d ro ppin g h im a nd th e r e st a th e k id s b y in a w hile . L et's h o pe th e le m on d on't k ill h im ." "L ero y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead a nd la ughs. " T ell h im I s a id h e b ette r b ehave. O r I p ut h im o n m y pra yer lis t." "I w is h y o u w ould . O h L ord , h id e th e fo od." Hoit y -to it y B ertr in a B esse m er w ad dle s to w ard u s. S he le ans o ver th e p ew in fr o nt o f u s, s m illin g wit h a b ig , ta ck y b lu e-b ir d h at o n. B ertr in a, s h e's th e o ne w ho c alle d A ib ile en a fo ol fo r a ll th o se years .

"M in ny," B ertr in a s a ys, " I s u re w as g la d to h ear a b out y o ur n ew jo b." "T hank y o u, B ertr in a." "A nd A ib ile en, I th ank y o u fo r p uttin g m e o n y o ur p ra yer lis t. M y a ngin a s u re is b ette r n o w . I c all yo u th is w eek end a nd w e c atc h u p ." Aib ile en s m ile s, n o ds. B ertr in a w ad dle s o ff to h er p ew .

"M ayb e y o u o ught a b e a lit tle p ic k ie r w ho y o u p ra y fo r," I s a y.

"A w , I a in 't m ad a t h er n o m ore ," s a ys A ib ile en. " A nd lo ok a th ere , s h e d one lo st s o m e w eig ht." "S he te llin g e very b ody s h e lo st fo rty p ound s," I s a y.

"L ord a m erc y." "O nly g o t tw o h und re d m ore to g o ." Aib ile en tr ie s n o t to s m ile , a cts lik e s h e's w avin g a w ay th e le m on s m ell.

"S o w hat y o u w ant m e to c o m e e arly fo r? " I a sk . " Y ou m is s m e o r s o m eth in g?" "N aw , it 's n o b ig d eal. J u st s o m eth in g s o m eb ody s a id ." "W hat? " Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , lo oks a ro und fo r a nyb ody lis te nin g. W e'r e lik e r o yalt y h ere . F olk s a re alw ays h em min g in o n u s.

"Y ou k no w th at M is s S keete r? " s h e a sk s.

"I to ld y o u I d id th e o th er d ay." She q uie ts h er v o ic e, s a ys, " W ell, r e m em ber h o w I s lip ped u p a nd to ld h er a b out T re elo re w rit in g co lo re d th in gs d ow n?" "I r e m em ber. S he w ant a s u e y o u fo r th at? " "N o, n o . S he n ic e. B ut s h e h ad th e g all to a sk if m e a nd s o m e a m y m aid fr ie nd s m ig ht w ant a p ut dow n o n p ap er w hat it 's lik e to te nd fo r w hit e p eo ple . S ay s h e w rit in g a b ook." "S ay w hat? " Aib ile en n o ds, r a is e s h er e yeb ro w s. " M m-h m m." "P hhh. W ell, y o u te ll h er it 's a r e al F ourth o f J u ly p ic nic . I t's w hat w e d re am a d oin g a ll w eek end , g et back in th ey h o use s to p olis h th ey s ilv er," I s a y.

"I to ld h er, le t th e r e gula r o ld h is to ry b ooks te ll it . W hit e p eo ple b een r e p re se ntin g c o lo re d o pin io ns sin ce th e b egin nin g a tim e." "T hat's r ig ht. Y ou te ll h er." "I d id . I te ll h er s h e c ra zy," A ib ile en s a ys. " I a sk h er, w hat if w e to ld th e tr u th ? H ow w e to o s c are d to a sk fo r m in im um w age. H ow n o body g ets p aid th ey S ocia l S ecurit y . H ow it fe el w hen y o ur o w n boss b e c allin g y o u . . ." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . I 'm g la d s h e d oesn 't s a y it .

"H ow w e lo ve th ey k id s w hen th ey lit tle . . ." s h e s a ys a nd I s e e A ib ile en's lip tr e m ble a lit tle . " A nd th en th ey tu rn o ut ju st lik e th ey m am as." I lo ok d ow n a nd s e e A ib ile en's g rip pin g h er b la ck p ock etb ook lik e it 's th e o nly th in g s h e h as le ft in th is w orld . A ib ile en, s h e m oves o n to a no th er jo b w hen th e b ab ie s g et to o o ld a nd s to p b ein g c o lo r- blin d . W e d on't ta lk a b out it .

"E ven if s h e is c hangin g a ll th e n am es a th e h elp a nd th e w hit e la d ie s," s h e s n if f.

"S he c ra zy if s h e th in k w e d o s o m eth in g d angero us a s th at. F or her ." "W e d on't w ant a b rin g a ll th at m ess u p ." A ib ile en w ip es h er n o se w it h a h ank ie . " T ell p eo ple th e tr u th ." "N o, w e d on't ," I s a y, b ut I s to p. I t's s o m eth in g a b out th at w ord tr u th .

I 'v e b een tr y in g to te ll w hit e wom en th e tr u th a b out w ork in g fo r th em s in ce I w as fo urte en y ears o ld .

"W e d on't w ant a c hange n o th in g a ro und h ere ," A ib ile en s a ys a nd w e'r e b oth q uie t, th in k in g a b out a ll th e th in gs w e d on't w ant to c hange. B ut th en A ib ile en n arro w s h er e yes a t m e, a sk s, " W hat. Y ou don't th in k it 's a c ra zy id ea?" "I d o, I ju st . . ." A nd th at's w hen I s e e it . W e'v e b een fr ie nd s fo r s ix te en y ears , s in ce th e d ay I moved fr o m G re enw ood to J a ck so n a nd w e m et a t th e b us s to p. I c an r e ad A ib ile en lik e th e S und ay pap er. " Y ou th in k in g a b out it , a in 't y o u," I s a y. " Y ou w ant a ta lk to M is s S keete r." She s h ru gs a nd I k no w I 'm r ig ht. B ut b efo re A ib ile en c an c o nfe ss, R evere nd J o hnso n c o m es a nd s it s dow n in th e p ew b ehin d u s, le ans b etw een o ur s h o uld ers . " M in ny, I 'm s o rry I h aven't h ad th e c hance to te ll y o u c o ngra tu la tio ns o n y o ur n ew jo b." I s m ooth m y d re ss d ow n. " W hy, th ank y o u, R evere nd M in is te r." "Y ou m ust o f b een o n A ib ile en's p ra yer lis t," h e s a ys, p attin g A ib ile en o n th e s h o uld er.

"S ure w as. I to ld A ib ile en, a t th is r a te , s h e n eed s to s ta rt c harg in g." The R evere nd la ughs. H e g ets u p a nd tr e ad s s lo w ly to th e p ulp it . E very th in g g o es s till. I c an't b elie ve Aib ile en w ants to te ll M is s S keete r th e tr u th .

Tru th .

It fe els c o ol, lik e w ate r w ash in g o ver m y s tic k y-h o t b ody. C oolin g a h eat th at's b een b urn in g m e u p all m y lif e .

Tru th , I s a y in sid e m y h ead a gain , ju st fo r th at fe elin g.

Revere nd J o hnso n r a is e s h is h and s a nd s p eak s in a s o ft, d eep v o ic e. T he c ho ir b ehin d h im b egin s to hum " T alk in g to J e su s" a nd w e a ll s ta nd u p . I n h alf a m in ute I 'm s w eatin g.

"T hin k y o u m ig ht b e in te re ste d ? I n ta lk in g to M is s S keete r? " w his p ers A ib ile en.

I lo ok b ack a nd th ere 's L ero y w it h th e k id s, la te a s u su al. " W ho , m e?" I s a y a nd m y v o ic e is lo ud again st th e s o ft m usic . I ta m p it d ow n, b ut n o t b y m uch.

"A in 't n o w ay I 'm g o nna d o s o m eth in g c ra zy a s th at." FO R N O R EA SO N b ut to ir rit a te m e, w e g et a h eat w ave in D ecem ber. I n fo rty d egre es, I s w eat lik e ic ed te a in A ugust a nd h ere I w oke u p th is m orn in g to e ig hty -th re e o n th e d ia l. I 'v e s p ent h alf m y lif e tr y in g n o t to s w eat s o m uch: D ain ty L ad y s w eat c re am , fr o ze n p ota to es in m y p ock ets , ic e p ack tie d to m y h ead ( I a ctu ally p aid a d octo r fo r th at fo ol a d vic e), a nd I s till s o ak m y s w eat p ad s th ro ugh in fiv e m in ute s. I to te m y F air le y F unera l H om e fa n e very p la ce I g o . W ork s g o od a nd it w as fr e e.

Mis s C elia ta k es to th e w eek o f w arm w eath er, th o ugh, a nd a ctu ally g o es o uts id e a nd s it s b y th e pool in th ese ta ck y w hit e s u ngla sse s a nd a fu zzy b ath ro be. T hank th e L ord s h e's o ut o f th e h o use . A t fir s t I th o ught m ayb e s h e w as s ic k in th e b ody, b ut n o w I 'm w ond erin g if s h e's s ic k in th e h ead . I don't m ean th e ta lk in g to y o urs e lf v arie ty y o u s e e in o ld la d ie s lik e M is s W alt e rs w here y o u k no w it 's ju st th e o ld tim ers d is e ase , b ut th e c ap it a l C c ra zy w here y o u g et h aule d to W hit fie ld in a s tr a it ja ck et.

I c atc h h er s lip pin g u p sta ir s to th e e m pty b ed ro om s a lm ost e very d ay n o w . I h ear h er s n eak y lit tle fe et w alk in g d ow n th e h all, p assin g o ver th at lit tle s q ueak in th e flo or. I d on't th in k m uch o f it - -h eck , it 's h er h o use . B ut th en o ne d ay, s h e d oes it a gain , a nd th en a gain , a nd it 's th e fa ct th at s h e's s o d arn sn ea ky a b out it , w ait in g u ntil I tu rn o n th e H oover o r g et b usy o n a c ak e, th at m ak es m e s u sp ic io us.

She s p end s a b out s e ven o r e ig ht m in ute s u p th ere a nd th en p okes h er lit tle h ead a ro und to m ak e su re I d on't s e e h er c o m e d ow n a gain .

"D on't g o g ettin g in h er b usin ess," L ero y s a ys. " Y ou ju st m ak e s u re s h e te lls h er m is te r y o u c le anin g his h o use ." L ero y's b een o n th e d am n C ro w th e p ast c o up le o f n ig hts , d rin k in g b ehin d th e p ow er pla nt a fte r h is s h if t. H e's n o fo ol. H e k no w s if I 'm d ead , th at p aycheck w on't b e s h o w in g u p o n it s ow n.

Afte r s h e m ak es h er tr ip u p sta ir s , M is s C elia c o m es to th e k it c hen ta b le in ste ad o f g o in g b ack to bed . I w is h s h e'd g et o n o ut o f h ere . I 'm p ullin g c hic k en o ff th e b one. I 'v e g o t th e b ro th b oilin g a nd th e d um plin gs a lr e ad y c ut. I d on't w ant h er tr y in g to h elp w it h th is .

"J u st th ir te en m ore d ays b efo re y o u te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e," I s a y, a nd lik e I k new s h e w ould , Mis s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e k it c hen ta b le a nd h ead s fo r h er b ed ro om . B ut b efo re s h e m ak es it o ut th e d oor s h e m utte rs , " D o y o u h ave to r e m in d m e o f th at fa ct e very d ay o f m y lif e ?" I s ta nd u p s tr a ig hte r. T hat's th e fir s t tim e M is s C elia 's e ver g o tte n c ro ss w it h m e. " M m-h m m," I te ll her, n o t e ven lo okin g u p b ecause I w ill r e m in d h er u ntil M is te r J o hnny's s h o ok m y h and a nd s a id n ic e to m eet y o u, M in ny.

But th en I lo ok o ver a nd s e e M is s C elia s till s ta nd in g th ere . S he's h o ld in g o n to th e d oorfr a m e. H er fa ce h as g o ne fla t w hit e , lik e c heap w all p ain t.

"Y ou b een fo olin g w it h th e r a w c hic k en a gain ?" "N o, I 'm . . . ju st tir e d ." But th e p ric k s o f s w eat o n h er m ak eup --th at n o w 's g o ne g ra y--te ll m e s h e's n o t fin e. I h elp h er to bed a nd b rin g h er th e L ad y-a -P in k am to d rin k . T he p in k la b el h as a p ic tu re o f a r e al p ro per la d y o n it w it h a tu rb an o n h er h ead , s m ilin g lik e s h e fe els b ette r. I h and M is s C elia th e s p oon to m easu re it out, b ut th at ta ck y w om an ju st d rin k s it s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle .

Afte rw ard , I w ash m y h and s. W hate ver it is s h e's g o t, I h o pe it a in 't c atc hin g.

TH E D AY A FTER M is s C ELIA 'S fa ce g o es fu nny is c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay a nd th e d ay I hate th e m ost. S heets a re ju st to o p ers o nal a th in g fo r fo lk s w ho a re n't k in to b e fo olin g w it h . T hey are fu ll o f h air a nd s c ab s a nd s n o t a nd th e s ig ns o f je lly -ro llin g. B ut it 's th e b lo od s ta in s th at a re th e wors t. S cru b bin g th o se o ut w it h m y b are h and s, I g ag o ver th e s in k . T hat g o es fo r b lo od a nyw here and a nyth in g w it h a s u sp ic io us r e se m bla nce. A s te p ped -o n s tr a w berry c an h ang m e o ver th e to ile t bow l fo r th e r e st o f th e d ay.

Mis s C elia k no w s a b out T uesd ays a nd u su ally s h e m oves o ut to th e s o fa s o I c an d o m y w ork . A co ld fr o nt s ta rte d in th is m orn in g, s o s h e c an't g o o ut to th e s w im min g p ool, a nd th ey s a y th e weath er's g o in g to g et w ors e . B ut a t n in e, th en te n, th en e le ven th e b ed ro om d oor's s till c lo se d .

Fin ally , I k no ck .

"Y es? " s h e s a ys. I o pen th e d oor.

"M orn in g, M is s C elia ." "H ey, M in ny." "It's T uesd ay." Not o nly is M is s C elia s till in b ed , s h e's c urle d u p o n to p o f th e c o vers in h er n ig htg o w n w it h o ut a dro p o f h er m ak eup o n.

"I g o t to g et th em s h eets w ash ed a nd ir o ned a nd th en I g o t to g et to th is o ld c hif fa ro be y o u d one le t go d ry a s T exas. A nd th en w e c o okin g--" "N o le arn in g le sso n to day, M in ny." S he is n 't s m ilin g e it h er, lik e s h e u su ally d oes w hen s h e s e es m e.

"Y ou fe elin g b ad ?" "F etc h m e s o m e w ate r, w ill y o u?" "Y es'm ." I g o in th e k it c hen a nd fill u p a g la ss fr o m th e s in k . S he m ust b e fe elin g b ad b ecause s h e's never a sk ed m e to s e rv e h er a nyth in g b efo re .

When I w alk b ack in th e b ed ro om th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed a nd th e b ath ro om d oor's c lo se d .

Now w hy'd s h e a sk m e to g o g et h er w ate r if s h e's g o t th e m eans to g et u p a nd g o to th e b ath ro om ?

At le ast s h e's o ut o f m y w ay. I p ic k M is te r J o hnny's p ants u p o ff th e flo or, to ss th em o ver m y sh o uld er. A sk m e, th is w om an d oesn 't ta k e e no ugh e xerc is e , s it tin g a ro und th e h o use a ll d ay. O h no w , M in ny, d on't g o o n th at w ay. I f s h e's s ic k , s h e's s ic k .

"Y ou s ic k ?" I h o lle r o uts id e th e b ath ro om d oor.

"I'm . . . fin e." "W hile y o u in th ere , I 'm o n g o h ead a nd c hange th ese s h eets ." "N o, I w ant y o u to g o o n," s h e s a ys th ro ugh th e d oor. " G o o n h o m e fo r th e d ay, M in ny." I s ta nd th ere a nd ta p m y fo ot o n h er y ello w r u g. I d on't w ant to g o o n h o m e. I t's T uesd ay, c hange- th e-d am n-sh eets d ay. I f I d on't d o it to day, th at m ak es W ed nesd ay c hange-th e-d am n-sh eets d ay to o.

"W hat M is te r J o hnny g o ne d o if h e c o m e h o m e a nd th e h o use 's a m ess? " "H e's a t th e d eer c am p to nig ht. M in ny, I n eed y o u to b rin g m e th e p ho ne o ver- -" h er v o ic e b re ak s in to a tr e m bly w ail. " D ra g it o n o ver a nd fe tc h m y p ho ne b ook th at's s e ttin g in th e k it c hen." "Y ou s ic k , M is s C elia ?" But s h e d oesn 't a nsw er s o I g o g et th e b ook a nd s tr e tc h th e p ho ne o ver to th e b ath ro om d oor a nd ta p o n it .

"J u st le ave it th ere ." M is s C elia s o und s lik e s h e's c ry in g n o w . " I w ant y o u to g o o n h o m e n o w ." "B ut I ju st g o ts --" "I s a id g o h o m e, M in ny!" I s te p b ack fr o m th at c lo se d d oor. H eat r is e s u p m y fa ce. A nd it s tin gs, n o t b ecause I h aven't b een yelle d a t b efo re . I ju st h aven't b een y elle d a t b y M is s C elia y et.

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, W oody A sa p o n C hannel T w elv e is w avin g h is w hit e s c aly h and s a ll o ver th e s ta te m ap . J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is fr o ze n lik e a n ic e p op. F ir s t it r a in ed , th en it fr o ze , th en anyth in g w it h m ore th an a h alf - in ch e xte nd in g b ro ke o ff to th e g ro und b y th is m orn in g. T re e bra nches, p ow er lin es, p orc h a w nin gs c o lla p se d lik e th ey'd p lu m b g iv en u p . O uts id e's b een d unk ed in a s h in y c le ar b uck et o f s h ella c.

My k id s g lu e th eir s le ep y fa ces to th e r a d io a nd w hen th e b ox s a ys th e r o ad s a re fr o ze n a nd s c ho ol is c lo se d , th ey a ll ju m p a ro und a nd w ho op a nd w his tle a nd r u n o uts id e to lo ok a t th e ic e w it h n o th in g on b ut th eir lo ng jo hns.

"G et b ack in th is h o use a nd p ut s o m e s h o es o n!" I h o lle r o ut th e d oor. N ot o ne o f th em d oes. I c all Mis s C elia to te ll h er I c an't d riv e in th e ic e a nd to fin d o ut if s h e's g o t p ow er o ut th ere . A fte r s h e yelle d a t m e lik e I w as a n ig ger in th e r o ad y este rd ay, y o u'd th in k I w ould n't g iv e a h o ot a b out h er.

When I c all, I h ear, " Y eeello ." My h eart h ic cup s.

"W ho is th is ? W ho 's c allin g h ere ?" Real c are fu l I h ang u p th at p ho ne. I g uess M is te r J o hnny's n o t w ork in g to day e it h er. I d on't k no w ho w h e m ad e it h o m e w it h th e s to rm . A ll I k no w is , e ven o n a d ay o ff, I c an't e sc ap e th e fe ar o f th at man. B ut in e le ven d ays, th at's a ll g o in g to b e o ver.

MOST O f T H E T O W N T H AW S in a d ay. M is s C elia 's n o t in b ed w hen I w alk in . S he's s it tin g a t th e w hit e k it c hen ta b le s ta rin g o ut th e w in d ow w it h a n u gly lo ok o n h er fa ce lik e h er p oor fa ncy lif e is ju st to o h o t a h ell to liv e in . I t's th e m im osa tr e e s h e's e yein g o ut th ere . I t to ok th e ic e p re tty h ard .

Half o f th e b ra nches b ro ke o ff a nd a ll th e s p in d ly le aves a re b ro w n a nd s o ggy.

"M orn in g, M in ny," s h e s a ys, n o t e ven lo okin g m y w ay.

But I ju st n o d. I h ave n o th in g to s a y to h er, n o t a fte r th e w ay s h e tr e ate d m e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.

"W e c an fin ally c ut th at o ld u gly th in g d ow n n o w ," s a ys M is s C elia .

"G o a head . C ut e m a ll d ow n." J u st lik e m e, c ut m e d ow n fo r n o r e aso n a t a ll.

Mis s C elia g ets u p a nd c o m es o ver to th e s in k w here I 'm s ta nd in g. S he g ra b s h o ld o f m y a rm . " I'm so rry I h o lle re d a t y o u lik e I d id ." T ears b rim u p in h er e yes w hen s h e s a ys it .

"M m-h m m." "I w as s ic k a nd I k no w th at's n o e xcuse , b ut I w as fe elin g r e al p oor a nd . . ." S he s ta rts s o bbin g th en, lik e th e w ors t th in g s h e's e ver d one in h er lif e is y ell a t h er m aid .

"A lr ig ht," I s a y. " A in 't n o th in g to b oo-h o o o ver." And th en s h e h ugs m e tig ht a ro und th e n eck u ntil I k in d o f p at h er o n th e b ack a nd p eel h er o ff. " G o on, s e t d ow n," I s a y. " I'll fix y o u s o m e c o ffe e." I g uess w e a ll g et a lit tle s n ip py w hen w e'r e n o t fe elin g g o od.

BY T H E N EX T M ONDAY, th e le aves o n th at m im osa tr e e h ave tu rn ed b la ck lik e it b urn ed in ste ad of fr o ze . I c o m e in th e k it c hen r e ad y to te ll h er h o w m any d ays w e h ave le ft, b ut M is s C elia 's s ta rin g at th at tr e e, h atin g it w it h h er e yes th e s a m e w ay s h e h ate s th e s to ve. S he's p ale , w on't e at a nyth in g I put in fr o nt o f h er.

All d ay, in ste ad o f la yin g u p in b ed , s h e w ork s o n d eco ra tin g th e te n-fo ot C hris tm as tr e e in th e fo yer, mak in g m y lif e a v acuum in g h ell w it h a ll th e n eed le s fly in g a ro und . T hen s h e g o es in th e b ack yard , sta rts c lip pin g th e r o se b ush es a nd d ig gin g th e tu lip b ulb s. I 'v e n ever s e en h er m ove th at m uch, e ver.

She c o m es in fo r h er c o okin g le sso n a fte rw ard w it h d ir t u nd er h er n ails b ut s h e's s till n o t s m ilin g.

"S ix m ore d ays b efo re w e te ll M is te r J o hnny," I s a y.

She d oesn 't s a y a nyth in g fo r a w hile , th en h er v o ic e c o m es o ut fla t a s a p an. " A re y o u s u re I h ave to ? I w as th in k in g m ayb e w e c o uld w ait ." I s to p w here I a m , w it h b utte rm ilk d rip pin g o ff m y h and s. " A sk m e h o w s u re I a m a gain ." "A lr ig ht, a lr ig ht." A nd th en s h e g o es o uts id e a gain to ta k e u p h er n ew fa vo rit e p astim e, s ta rin g d ow n th at m im osa tr e e w it h th e a xe in h er h and . B ut s h e n ever ta k es a c ho p.

Wed nesd ay n ig ht a ll I c an th in k is ju st n in ety -six m ore h o urs . K no w in g I m ig ht n o t h ave a jo b a fte r Chris tm as g naw s a t m y s to m ach. I 'll h ave a lo t m ore to w orry a b out th an ju st b ein g s h o t d ead . M is s Celia 's s u p pose d to te ll h im o n C hris tm as E ve, a fte r I le ave, b efo re th ey g o o ver to M is te r J o hnny's mam a's h o use . B ut M is s C elia 's a ctin g s o s tr a nge, I w ond er if s h e's g o in g to tr y a nd b ack o ut. N o ma'a m , I s a y to m yse lf a ll d ay. I in te nd to s ta y o n h er lik e h air o n s o ap .

When I w alk in T hurs d ay m orn in g th o ugh, M is s C elia 's n o t e ven h o m e. I c an't b elie ve s h e's a ctu ally le ft th e h o use . I s it a t th e ta b le a nd p our m yse lf a c up o f c o ffe e.

I lo ok o ut a t th e b ack yard . I t's b rig ht, s u nny. T hat b la ck m im osa tr e e s u re is u gly . I w ond er w hy Mis te r J o hnny d oesn 't ju st g o a head a nd c ut th at th in g d ow n.

I le an in a lit tle c lo se r to th e w in d ow sill. " W ell lo ok a th ere ." D ow n a ro und th e b otto m , s o m e g re en fr o nd s a re s till h angin g o n, p erk in g u p a lit tle in th e s u n.

"T hat o ld tr e e ju st p la yin g p ossu m ." I p ull a p ad o ut o f m y p ock etb ook w here I k eep a lis t o f w hat n eed s to b e te nd ed to , n o t fo r M is s Celia , b ut m y o w n g ro cerie s, C hris tm as p re se nts , th in gs fo r m y k id s. B enny's a sth m a h as g o tte n a lit tle b ette r b ut L ero y c am e h o m e la st n ig ht s m ellin g lik e O ld C ro w a gain . H e p ush ed m e h ard a nd I bum ped m y th ig h o n th e k it c hen ta b le . H e c o m es h o m e lik e th at to nig ht, I 'll fix h im a k nuck le sa nd w ic h fo r s u p per.

I s ig h. S eventy -tw o m ore h o urs a nd I 'm a fr e e w om an. M ayb e fir e d , m ayb e d ead a fte r L ero y fin d s out, b ut fr e e.

I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e w eek . T om orro w 's h eavy c o okin g a nd I 'v e g o t th e c hurc h s u p per Satu rd ay n ig ht a nd th e s e rv ic e o n S und ay. W hen a m I g o in g to c le an m y o w n h o use ? W ash m y o w n kid s' c lo th es? M y o ld est g ir l, S ugar, is s ix te en a nd p re tty g o od a b out k eep in g th in gs n eat, b ut I lik e to h elp h er o ut o n th e w eek end s th e w ay m y m am a n ever h elp ed m e. A nd A ib ile en. S he c alle d m e again la st n ig ht, a sk ed if I 'd h elp h er a nd M is s S keete r w it h th e s to rie s. I lo ve A ib ile en, I d o. B ut I th in k s h e's m ak in g a k in g-siz e d m is ta k e tr u stin g a w hit e la d y. A nd I to ld h er, to o. S he's r is k in g h er jo b, h er s a fe ty . N ot to m entio n w hy a nyo ne w ould w ant to h elp a fr ie nd o f M is s H illy 's .

Lord , I b ette r g et o n w it h m y w ork .

I p in eap ple th e h am a nd g et it in th e o ven. T hen I d ust th e s h elv es in th e h untin g r o om , v acuum th e bear w hile h e s ta re s a t m e lik e I 'm a s n ack . " J u st y o u a nd m e to day," I te ll h im . A s u su al h e d oesn 't sa y m uch. I g et m y r a g a nd m y o il s o ap , w ork m y w ay u p th e s ta ir c ase , p olis h in g e ach s p oke o n th e banis te r a s I g o . W hen I m ak e it to th e to p, I h ead in to b ed ro om n um ber o ne.

I c le an u p sta ir s fo r a b out a n h o ur. I t's c hilly u p h ere , n o b odie s to w arm it u p . I w ork m y a rm b ack and fo rth , b ack a nd fo rth a cro ss e very th in g w ood. B etw een th e s e co nd a nd th ir d b ed ro om s, I g o dow nsta ir s to M is s C elia 's r o om b efo re s h e c o m es b ack . I g et th at e erie p ric k le , o f b ein g in a h o use s o e m pty . W here 'd s h e g o ? A fte r w ork in g h ere a ll th is tim e a nd h er o nly le avin g th re e tim es a nd a lw ays te llin g m e w hen a nd w here a nd w hy s h e's le avin g, lik e I c are a nyw ay, n o w s h e's g o ne lik e th e w in d . I o ught to b e h ap py. I o ught to b e g la d th at fo ol's out o f m y h air . B ut b ein g h ere b y m yse lf , I fe el lik e a n in tr u d er. I lo ok d ow n a t th e lit tle p in k r u g th at co vers th e b lo odsta in b y th e b ath ro om . T oday I w as g o in g to ta k e a no th er c ra ck a t it . A c hill b lo w s th ro ugh th e r o om , lik e a g ho st p assin g b y. I s h iv er.

Mayb e I w on't w ork o n th at b lo odsta in to day.

On th e b ed th e c o vers , a s u su al, h ave b een th ro w n o ff. T he s h eets a re tw is te d a nd tu rn ed a ro und th e wro ng w ay. I t a lw ays lo oks lik e a w re stlin g m atc h h as g o ne o n in h ere . I s to p m yse lf fr o m wond erin g. Y ou s ta rt to w ond er a b out p eo ple in th e b ed ro om , b efo re y o u k no w it y o u'r e a ll wra p ped u p in th eir b usin ess.

I s tr ip o ff o ne o f th e p illo w case s. M is s C elia 's m asc ara s m ud ged lit tle c harc o al b utte rflie s a ll o ver it .

The c lo th es o n th e flo or I s tu ff in to th e p illo w case to m ak e it e asie r to c arry . I p ic k u p M is te r Jo hnny's fo ld ed p ants o ff th e y ello w o tto m an.

"N ow h o w 'm I s p ose d to k no w if th ese is c le an o r d ir ty ?" I s tic k th em in th e s a ck a nyw ay. M y motto o n h o use k eep in g: w hen in d oub t, w ash it o ut.

I to te th e b ag o ver to th e b ure au. T he b ru is e o n m y th ig h b urn s w hen I b end d ow n to p ic k u p a p air of M is s C elia 's s ilk y s to ck in gs.

"W ho a re yo u ?" I d ro p th e s a ck .

Slo w ly , I b ack a w ay u ntil m y b otto m b um ps th e b ure au. H e's s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay, e yes narro w ed . R eal s lo w , I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe h angin g fr o m h is h and .

Oh L ord .

I c an't g et to th e b ath ro om b ecause h e's to o c lo se a nd h e'd g et in th ere w it h m e. I c an't mak e it p ast h im o ut th e d oor u nle ss I p um mel h im , a nd th e m an h as a n a xe. M y h ead th ro bs h o t I 'm so p anic k ed . I 'm co rn ere d .

Mis te r J o hnny s ta re s d ow n a t m e. H e s w in gs th e a xe a lit tle . T ilt s h is h ead a nd s m ile s.

I d o th e o nly th in g I c an d o. I w rin k le m y fa ce a s m ean a s I c an a nd p ull m y lip s a cro ss m y te eth a nd yell:

"Yo u a nd y o ur a xe b ette r g et o ut a m y w ay." Mis te r J o hnny lo oks d ow n a t th e a xe, lik e h e fo rg o t h e h ad it . T hen b ack u p a t m e. W e s ta re a t e ach oth er a s e co nd . I d on't m ove a nd I d on't b re ath e.

He s n eak s a lo ok o ver a t th e s a ck I 'v e d ro pped to s e e w hat I w as s te alin g. T he le g o f h is k hak is is pokin g o ut th e to p. " N ow , lis te n," I s a y, a nd te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes. " M is te r J o hnny, I to ld M is s Celia to te ll y o u a b out m e. I m ust a a sk ed h er a th o usa nd tim es--" But h e ju st la ughs. H e s h ak es h is h ead . H e th in k s it 's fu nny h e's a b out to c ho p m e u p . " Ju st lis te n t o m e, I to ld h er- -" But h e's s till c huck lin g. " C alm d ow n, g ir l. I 'm n o t g o in g to g et y o u," h e s a ys. " Y ou s u rp ris e d m e, th at's a ll. " I'm p antin g, e asin g m y w ay to w ard th e b ath ro om . H e s till h as th e a xe in h is h and , s w in gin g it a lit tle .

"W hat's y o ur n am e, a nyw ay?" "M in ny," I w his p er. I 'v e s till g o t fiv e fe et to g o .

"H ow lo ng h ave y o u b een c o m in g, M in ny?" "N ot lo ng." I jig gle m y h ead n o .

" How lo ng?" "F ew . . . w eek s," I s a y. I b it e d ow n o n m y lip .

Thre e m onth s.

He s h ak es h is h ead . " N ow , I k no w it 's b een lo nger th an th at." I lo ok a t th e b ath ro om d oor. W hat g o od w ould it d o to b e in a b ath ro om w here th e d oor w on't e ven lo ck ? W hen th e m an's g o t a n a xe to h ack th e d oor d ow n w it h ?

"I s w ear I 'm n o t m ad ," h e s a ys.

"W hat a b out th at a xe?" I s a y, m y te eth g rit te d .

He r o lls h is e yes, th en h e s e ts it o n th e c arp et, k ic k s it to th e s id e.

"C om e o n, le t's g o h ave u s a ta lk in th e k it c hen." He tu rn s a nd w alk s a w ay. I lo ok d ow n a t th e a xe, w ond erin g if I s h o uld ta k e it . J u st th e s ig ht o f it sc are s m e. I p ush it u nd er th e b ed a nd fo llo w h im .

In th e k it c hen, I e d ge m yse lf c lo se to th e b ack d oor, c heck th e k no b to m ak e s u re it 's u nlo ck ed .

"M in ny, I p ro m is e . I t's fin e th at y o u'r e h ere ," h e s a ys.

I w atc h h is e yes, tr y in g to s e e if h e's ly in g. H e's a b ig m an, s ix -tw o a t le ast. A lit tle p aunch in th e fr o nt, b ut s tr o ng lo okin g. " I r e ck on y o u g o ne fir e m e, th en." "F ir e y o u?" H e la ughs. " Y ou'r e th e b est c o ok I 'v e e ver k no w n. L ook w hat y o u'v e d one to m e." H e fr o w ns d ow n a t h is s to m ach th at's ju st s ta rtin g to p oke o ut. " H ell, I h aven't e ate n lik e th is s in ce C ora Blu e w as a ro und . S he p ra ctic ally r a is e d m e." I ta k e a d eep b re ath b ecause h is k no w in g C ora B lu e s e em s to s a fe n th in gs u p a lit tle . " H er k id s w ent to m y c hurc h. I k new h er." "I s u re d o m is s h er." H e tu rn s, o pens th e r e fr ig era to r, s ta re s in , c lo se s it .

"W hen's C elia c o m in g b ack ? Y ou k no w ?" M is te r J o hnny a sk s.

"I d on't k no w . I s p ec s h e w ent to g et h er h air d one." "I th o ught fo r a w hile th ere , w hen w e w ere e atin g y o ur fo od, s h e r e ally d id le arn h o w to c o ok. U ntil th at S atu rd ay, w hen y o u w ere n't h ere , a nd s h e tr ie d to m ak e h am burg ers ." He le ans a gain st th e s in k b oard , s ig hs. " W hy d oesn 't s h e w ant m e to k no w a b out y o u?" "I d on't k no w . S he w on't te ll m e." He s h ak es h is h ead , lo oks u p a t th e b la ck m ark o n th e c eilin g fr o m w here M is s C elia b urn ed u p th e tu rk ey th at tim e. " M in ny, I d on't c are if C elia n ever lif ts a no th er fin ger fo r th e r e st o f h er lif e . B ut s h e sa ys s h e w ants to d o th in gs fo r m e h ers e lf ." H e r a is e s h is e yeb ro w s a lit tle . " I m ean, d o y o u und ers ta nd w hat I w as e atin g b efo re y o u g o t h ere ?" "S he le arn in g. L east s h e . . . tr y in g to le arn ," b ut I k in d o f s n o rt a t th is . S om e th in gs y o u ju st c an't lie ab out.

"I d on't ca re if s h e c an c o ok. I ju st w ant h er h ere "- -h e s h ru gs--"w it h m e." He r u b s h is b ro w w it h h is w hit e s h ir ts le eve a nd I s e e w hy h is s h ir ts a re a lw ays s o d ir ty . A nd h e is so rt o f h and so m e. F or a w hit e m an.

"S he ju st d oesn 't s e em h ap py," h e s a ys. " Is it m e? I s it th e h o use ? A re w e to o fa r a w ay fr o m to w n?" "I d on't k no w , M is te r J o hnny." "T hen w hat's g o in g o n?" H e p ro ps h is h and s d ow n o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h im , g ra b s h o ld . " J u st te ll me. I s s h e"- -h e s w allo w s h ard --"is s h e s e ein g s o m eb ody e ls e ?" I tr y n o t to , b ut I fe el k in d o f s o rry fo r h im th en, s e ein g h e's ju st a s c o nfu se d a s I a m a b out a ll th is mess.

"M is te r J o hnny, th is a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess. B ut I c an te ll y o u M is s C elia a in 't h avin g n o r e la tio ns outs id e a th is h o use ." He n o ds. " Y ou'r e r ig ht. T hat w as a s tu p id th in g to a sk ." I e ye th e d oor, w ond erin g w hen M is s C elia 's g o in g to b e h o m e. I d on't k no w w hat s h e'd d o if s h e fo und M is te r J o hnny h ere .

"L ook," h e s a ys, " d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out m eetin g m e. I 'm g o in g to le t h er te ll m e w hen s h e's re ad y." I m anage m y fir s t r e al s m ile . " S o y o u w ant m e to ju st g o o n lik e I b een d oin g?" "L ook a fte r h er. I d on't lik e h er in th is b ig h o use b y h ers e lf ." "Y essu h. W hate ver y o u s a y." "I c am e b y to day to s u rp ris e h er. I w as g o in g to c ut d ow n th at m im osa tr e e s h e h ate s s o m uch, th en ta k e h er in to to w n fo r lu nch. P ic k o ut s o m e je w elr y fo r h er C hris tm as p re se nt." M is te r J o hnny w alk s to th e w in d ow , lo oks o ut, a nd s ig hs. " I g uess I 'll g o g et lu nch in to w n s o m ew here ." "I fix y o u s o m eth in g. W hat y o u w ant? " He tu rn s a ro und , g rin nin g lik e a k id . I s ta rt g o in g th ro ugh th e r e fr ig era to r, p ullin g th in gs o ut.

"R em em ber th o se p ork c ho ps w e h ad th at tim e?" H e s ta rts n ib blin g o n h is fin gern ail. " W ill y o u m ak e th o se fo r u s th is w eek ?" "I fix e m fo r s u p per to nig ht. G ot s o m e in th e fr e eze r. A nd to m orro w n ig ht y o u h avin g c hic k en a nd dum plin gs." "O h, C ora B lu e u se d to m ak e u s th o se ." "S it u p th ere a t th e ta b le a nd I 'm o n d o y o u a g o od B LT to ta k e w it h y o u in th e tr u ck ." "A nd w ill y o u to ast th e b re ad ?" "A c o urs e . C an't h ave n o p ro per s a nd w ic h o n n o r a w b re ad . A nd th is a fte rn o on I 'll m ak e o ne a Min ny's fa m ous c ara m el c ak es. A nd n ext w eek w e g o ne d o y o u a fr ie d c atfis h . . ." I p ull o ut th e b aco n fo r M is te r J o hnny's lu nch, g et th e s k ille t o ut to fr y . M is te r J o hnny's e yes a re cle ar a nd w id e. H e's s m ilin g w it h e very p art o f h is fa ce. I fix h is s a nd w ic h a nd w ra p it in w axed pap er. F in ally , s o m eb ody I g et th e s a tis fa ctio n o f fe ed in g.

"M in ny, I h ave to a sk , if yo u'r e h ere . . . w hat in th e w orld is C elia d oin g a ll d ay?" I s h ru g. " I a in 't n ever s e en a w hit e w om an s it th ere lik e s h e d o. M ost o f e m is b usy -b usy, r u nnin g erra nd s, a ctin g lik e th ey b usie r th an m e." "S he n eed s s o m e fr ie nd s. I a sk ed m y b ud dy W ill if h e'd g et h is w if e to c o m e o ut a nd te ach h er to pla y b rid ge, g et h er in a g ro up . I k no w H illy 's th e r in gle ad er o f a ll th at s tu ff." I s ta re a t h im , lik e if I k ep t r e al s till, m ayb e it w ould n't b e tr u e. F in ally I a sk , " T hat M is s H illy Holb ro ok y o u ta lk in g a b out? " "Y ou k no w h er? " h e a sk s.

"M m-h m m." I s w allo w th e tir e ir o n th at's r is in g u p in m y th ro at a t th e th o ught o f M is s H illy h angin g aro und th is h o use . M is s C elia fin d in g o ut th e tr u th a b out th e T errib le A w fu l. T here 's n o w ay th o se tw o c o uld b e fr ie nd s. B ut I b et M is s H illy w ould d o a nyth in g fo r M is te r J o hnny.

"I'll c all W ill to nig ht a nd a sk h im a gain ." H e p ats m e o n m y s h o uld er a nd I fin d m yse lf th in k in g a b out th at w ord a gain , tr u th .

A nd A ib ile en's te llin g M is s S keete r a ll a b out it . I f th e tr u th g ets o ut o n m e, I'm d one. I c ro sse d th e w ro ng p ers o n, a nd th at's a ll it ta k es. "I'm g o in g to g iv e y o u m y n um ber a t th e o ffic e. C all m e if y o u e ver r u n in to tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "Y essu h," I s a y, fe elin g m y d re ad e ra se a ny r e lie f I h ad c o m in g to m e to day.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 1 I T 'S T EC HN IC ALLY W IN TER in m ost o f th e n atio n, b ut a lr e ad y th ere is g nash in g o f te eth a nd w rin gin g o f h and s in m y m oth er's h o use . S ig ns o f s p rin g h ave c o m e to o e arly . D ad dy's in a c o tto n- p la ntin g fr e nzy, h ad to h ir e te n e xtr a fie ld w ork ers to till a nd d riv e tr a cto rs to g et th e s e ed in th e g ro und . M oth er's b een s tu d yin g The F arm er's A lm anac , b ut s h e's h ard ly c o ncern ed w it h p la ntin g.

S he d eliv ers th e b ad n ew s to m e w it h a h and o n h er fo re head .

" T hey s a y th is 'll b e th e m ost h um id o ne in y ears ." S he s ig hs. T he S hin ala to r n ever d id m uch g o od a fte r th o se fir s t fe w tim es. " I'd p ic k u p s o m e m ore s p ra y c ans d ow n a t B eem on's , th e n ew e xtr a - h eavy k in d ." S he lo oks u p fr o m th e Alm anac , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " W hat a re y o u d re sse d th at w ay fo r? " I h ave o n m y d ark est d re ss, d ark s to ck in gs. T he b la ck s c arf o ver m y h air p ro bab ly m ak es m e lo ok m ore lik e P ete r O 'T oole in Law re n ce o f A ra bia th an M arle ne D ie tr ic h. T he u gly r e d s a tc hel h angs f r o m m y s h o uld er.

" I h ave s o m e e rra nd s to r u n to nig ht. T hen I 'm m eetin g... s o m e g ir ls . A t c hurc h." " O n a S atu rd ay n ig ht? " " M am a, G od d oesn 't c are w hat d ay o f th e w eek it is ," I s a y a nd m ak e fo r th e c ar b efo re s h e c an a sk a ny m ore q uestio ns. T onig ht, I 'm g o in g to A ib ile en's fo r h er fir s t in te rv ie w .

M y h eart r a cin g, I d riv e fa st o n th e p aved to w n r o ad s, h ead in g fo r th e c o lo re d p art o f to w n. I 'v e n ever e ven s a t a t th e s a m e ta b le w it h a N egro w ho w asn 't p aid to d o s o . T he in te rv ie w h as b een d ela yed b y o ver a m onth . F ir s t, th e h o lid ays c am e a nd A ib ile en h ad to w ork la te a lm ost e very n ig ht, w ra p pin g p re se nts a nd c o okin g fo r E liz a b eth 's C hris tm as p arty . I n J a nuary , I s ta rte d to p anic w hen A ib ile en g o t th e flu . I 'm a fr a id I 'v e w ait e d s o lo ng, M is su s S te in w ill h ave lo st in te re st o r fo rg o tte n w hy s h e e ven a gre ed to r e ad it .

I d riv e th e C ad illa c th ro ugh th e d ark ness, tu rn in g o n G essu m A venue, A ib ile en's S tr e et. I 'd r a th er b e i n th e o ld tr u ck , b ut M oth er w ould 'v e b een to o s u sp ic io us a nd D ad dy w as u sin g it in th e fie ld s. I s to p in fr o nt o f a n a b and oned , h aunte d -lo okin g h o use th re e d ow n fr o m A ib ile en's , a s w e p la nned .

T he fr o nt p orc h o f th e s p ooky h o use is s a ggin g, th e w in d ow s h ave n o p anes. I s te p in to th e d ark , l o ck th e d oors a nd w alk q uic k ly . I k eep m y h ead lo w ere d , m y n o is y h eels c lic k in g o n th e p avem ent.

A d og b ark s a nd m y k eys ja ngle to th e p avem ent. I g lim pse a ro und , p ic k th em u p . T w o s e ts o f c o lo re d p eo ple s it o n p orc hes, w atc hin g, r o ck in g. T here a re n o s tr e etlig hts s o it 's h ard to s a y w ho e ls e s e es m e. I k eep w alk in g, fe elin g a s o bvio us a s m y v ehic le : la rg e a nd w hit e .

I r e ach n um ber tw enty -fiv e, A ib ile en's h o use . I g iv e o ne la st lo ok a ro und , w is h in g I w asn 't te n m in ute s e arly . T he c o lo re d p art o f to w n s e em s s o fa r a w ay w hen, e vid ently , it 's o nly a fe w m ile s f r o m th e w hit e p art o f to w n.

I k no ck s o ftly . T here a re fo ots te p s, a nd s o m eth in g in sid e s la m s c lo se d . A ib ile en o pens th e d oor.

" C om e o n in ," s h e w his p ers a nd q uic k ly s h uts it b ehin d m e a nd lo ck s it . I'v e n ever s e en A ib ile en in a nyth in g b ut h er w hit e s. T onig ht s h e h as o n a g re en d re ss w it h b la ck pip in g. I c an't h elp b ut n o tic e, s h e s ta nd s a lit tle ta lle r in h er o w n h o use .

"M ak e y o urs e lf c o m fo rta b le . I b e b ack r e al q uic k ." Even w it h th e s in gle la m p o n, th e fr o nt r o om is d ark , fu ll o f b ro w ns a nd s h ad ow s. T he c urta in s a re pulle d a nd p in ned to geth er s o th ere 's n o g ap . I d on't k no w if th ey'r e lik e th at a ll th e tim e, o r ju st fo r me. I lo w er m yse lf o nto th e n arro w s o fa . T here 's a w ooden c o ffe e ta b le w it h h and -ta tte d la ce dra p ed o ver th e to p. T he flo ors a re b are . I w is h I h ad n't w orn s u ch a n e xp ensiv e-lo okin g d re ss.

A fe w m in ute s la te r, A ib ile en c o m es b ack w it h a tr a y h o ld in g a te ap ot a nd tw o c up s th at d on't matc h, p ap er n ap kin s fo ld ed in to tr ia ngle s. I s m ell th e c in nam on c o okie s s h e's m ad e. A s s h e p ours th e te a, th e to p to th e p ot r a ttle s.

"S orry ," s h e s a ys a nd h o ld s th e to p d ow n. " I a in 't n ever h ad a w hit e p ers o n in m y h o use b efo re ." I s m ile , e ven th o ugh I k no w it w asn 't m eant to b e fu nny. I d rin k a s ip o f te a. I t is b it te r a nd s tr o ng.

"T hank y o u," I s a y. " T he te a is n ic e." She s it s a nd fo ld s h er h and s in h er la p , lo oks a t m e e xp ecta ntly .

"I th o ught w e'd d o a lit tle b ack gro und w ork a nd th en ju st ju m p r ig ht in w it h th e q uestio ns," I s a y. I pull o ut m y n o te b ook a nd s c an th e q uestio ns I 'v e p re p are d . T hey s u d denly s e em o bvio us, a m ate ur.

"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. S he is s it tin g u p v ery s tr a ig ht, o n th e s o fa , tu rn ed to w ard m e.

"W ell, to s ta rt, u m , w hen a nd w here w ere y o u b orn ?" She s w allo w s, n o ds. " N in ete en o -n in e. P ie d m ont P la nta tio n d ow n in C hero kee C ounty ." "D id y o u k no w w hen y o u w ere a g ir l, g ro w in g u p , th at o ne d ay y o u'd b e a m aid ?" "Y es m a'a m . Y es, I d id ." I s m ile , w ait fo r h er to e lu cid ate . T here is n o th in g.

"A nd y o u k new th at . . . b ecause . . . ? " "M am a w as a m aid . M y g ra nm am a w as a h o use s la ve." "A h o use s la ve. U h-h uh," I s a y, b ut s h e o nly n o ds. H er h and s s ta y fo ld ed in h er la p . S he's w atc hin g th e w ord s I 'm w rit in g o n th e p age.

"D id y o u . . . e ver h ave d re am s o f b ein g s o m eth in g e ls e ?" "N o," s h e s a ys. " N o m a'a m , I d id n't ." I t's s o q uie t, I c an h ear b oth o f u s b re ath in g.

"A lr ig ht. T hen . . . w hat d oes it fe el lik e, to r a is e a w hit e c hild w hen y o ur o w n c hild 's a t h o m e, b ein g . . ." I s w allo w , e m barra sse d b y th e q uestio n, " . . . lo oked a fte r b y s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "It fe el . . ." S he's s till s it tin g u p s o s tr a ig ht it lo oks p ain fu l. " U m, m ayb e . . . w e c o uld g o o n to th e next o ne." "O h. A lr ig ht." I s ta re a t m y q uestio ns. " W hat d o y o u lik e b est a b out b ein g a m aid a nd w hat d o y o u lik e le ast? " She lo oks u p a t m e, lik e I 'v e a sk ed h er to d efin e a d ir ty w ord .

"I- -I s p ec I lik e lo okin g a fte r th e k id s b est," s h e w his p ers .

"A nyth in g . . . y o u'd lik e to a d d . . . a b out th at? " "N o m a'a m ." "A ib ile en, y o u d on't h ave to c all m e 'm a'a m .' N ot h ere ." "Y es m a'a m . O h. S orry ." S he c o vers h er m outh .

Loud v o ic es s h o ut in th e s tr e et a nd b oth o ur e yes d art to w ard th e w in d ow . W e a re q uie t, s to ck -still.

What w ould h ap pen if s o m eo ne w hit e fo und o ut I w as h ere o n a S atu rd ay n ig ht ta lk in g to A ib ile en in her r e gula r c lo th es? W ould th ey c all th e p olic e, to r e p ort a s u sp ic io us m eetin g? I 'm s u d denly s u re th ey w ould . W e'd b e a rre ste d b ecause th at is w hat th ey d o. T hey'd c harg e u s w it h in te gra tio n vio la tio n--I r e ad a b out it in th e p ap er a ll th e tim e--th ey d esp is e th e w hit e s th at m eet w it h th e co lo re d s to h elp w it h th e c iv il r ig hts m ovem ent. T his h as n o th in g to d o w it h in te gra tio n, b ut w hy e ls e would w e b e m eetin g? I d id n't e ven b rin g a ny M is s M yrn a le tte rs a s b ack up .

I s e e o pen, h o nest fe ar o n A ib ile en's fa ce. S lo w ly th e v o ic es o uts id e d is sip ate d ow n th e r o ad . I exhale b ut A ib ile en s ta ys te nse . S he k eep s h er e yes o n th e c urta in s.

I lo ok d ow n a t m y lis t o f q uestio ns, s e arc hin g fo r s o m eth in g to d ra w th is n erv o usn ess o ut o f h er, o ut of m yse lf . I k eep th in k in g a b out h o w m uch tim e I 'v e lo st a lr e ad y.

"A nd w hat . . . d id y o u s a y y o u d is lik ed a b out y o ur jo b?" Aib ile en s w allo w s h ard .

"I m ean, d o y o u w ant to ta lk a b out th e b ath ro om ? O r a b out E liz --M is s L eefo lt ? A nyth in g a b out th e way s h e p ays y o u? H as s h e e ver y elle d a t y o u in fr o nt o f M ae M oble y?" Aib ile en ta k es a n ap kin a nd d ab s it to h er fo re head . S he s ta rts to s p eak , b ut s to ps h ers e lf .

"W e'v e ta lk ed p le nty o f tim es, A ib ile en . . ." She p uts h er h and to h er m outh . " I'm s o rry , I - -" S he g ets u p a nd w alk s q uic k ly d ow n th e n arro w hall. A d oor c lo se s, r a ttlin g th e te ap ot a nd th e c up s o n th e tr a y.

Fiv e m in ute s p ass. W hen s h e c o m es b ack , s h e h o ld s a to w el to h er fr o nt, th e w ay I 'v e s e en M oth er do a fte r s h e v o m it s , w hen s h e d oesn 't m ak e it to h er to ile t in tim e.

"I'm s o rry . I th o ught I w as . . . r e ad y to ta lk ." I n o d, n o t s u re w hat to d o.

"I ju st . . . I k no w y o u a lr e ad y to ld th at la d y in N ew Y ork I 's g o ne d o th is b ut . . ." S he c lo se s h er eyes. " I'm s o rry . I d on't th in k I c an. I th in k I n eed to la y d ow n." "T om orro w n ig ht. I 'll . . . c o m e u p w it h a b ette r w ay. L et's ju st tr y a gain a nd . . ." She s h ak es h er h ead , c lu tc hes h er to w el.

On m y d riv e h o m e, I w ant to k ic k m yse lf . F or th in k in g I c o uld ju st w alt z in a nd d em and a nsw ers .

For th in k in g s h e'd s to p fe elin g lik e th e m aid ju st b ecause w e w ere a t h er h o use , b ecause s h e w asn 't wearin g a u nif o rm .

I lo ok o ver a t m y n o te b ook o n th e w hit e le ath er s e at. B esid es w here s h e g re w u p , I 'v e g o tte n a to ta l of tw elv e w ord s. A nd fo ur o f th em a re yes m a'a m a nd no m a'a m .

PA TSY C LIN E'S V O IC E D RIF TS o ut o f W JD X r a d io . A s I d riv e d ow n th e C ounty R oad , th ey'r e pla yin g " W alk in g A fte r M id nig ht." W hen I p ull in to H illy 's d riv ew ay, th ey'r e o n " T hre e C ig are tte s in an A sh tr a y." H er p la ne c ra sh ed th is m orn in g a nd e very o ne fr o m N ew Y ork to M is sis sip pi to S eattle is in m ourn in g, s in gin g h er s o ngs. I p ark th e C ad illa c a nd s ta re o ut a t H illy 's r a m blin g w hit e h o use .

It's b een fo ur d ays s in ce A ib ile en v o m it e d in th e m id dle o f o ur in te rv ie w a nd I 'v e h eard n o th in g fr o m her.

I g o in sid e. T he b rid ge ta b le is s e t u p in H illy 's a nte b ellu m -sty le p arlo r w it h it s d eafe nin g g ra nd fa th er clo ck a nd g o ld s w ag c urta in s. E very o ne is s e ate d --H illy , E liz a b eth , a nd L ou A nne T em ple to n, w ho has r e p la ced M is su s W alt e rs . L ou A nne is o ne o f th o se g ir ls w ho w ears a b ig e ager s m ile -- all th e tim e, a nd it n ever s to ps. I t m ak es m e w ant to s tic k a s tr a ig ht p in in h er. A nd w hen y o u'r e n o t lo okin g, s h e s ta re s a t y o u w it h th at v ap id , to oth y s m ile . A nd s h e a gre es w it h e very s in gle lit tle th in g Hilly s a ys.

Hilly h o ld s u p a Lif e m agazin e, p oin ts to a s p re ad o f a h o use in C alif o rn ia . " A d en th ey'r e c allin g it , lik e w ild a nim als a re liv in g th ere ." "O h, is n 't th at d re ad fu l! " L ou A nne b eam s.

The p ic tu re s h o w s w all- to -w all s h ag c arp et a nd lo w , s tr e am lin ed s o fa s, e gg-sh ap ed c hair s a nd te le vis io ns th at lo ok lik e fly in g s a ucers . I n H illy 's p arlo r, a p ortr a it o f a C onfe d era te g enera l h angs eig ht fe et ta ll. I t is a s p ro m in ent a s if h e w ere a g ra nd fa th er a nd n o t a th ir d c o usin r e m oved .

"T hat's it . T ru d y's h o use lo oks ju st lik e th at," E liz a b eth s a ys. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in th e in te rv ie w w it h A ib ile en, I 'd a lm ost fo rg o tte n E liz a b eth 's tr ip la st w eek to s e e h er o ld er s is te r. T ru d y marrie d a b ank er a nd th ey m oved to H olly w ood. E liz a b eth w ent o ut th ere fo r fo ur d ays to s e e h er new h o use .

"W ell, th at's ju st b ad ta ste , is w hat it is ," H illy s a ys. " N o o ffe nse to y o ur fa m ily , E liz a b eth ." "W hat w as H olly w ood lik e?" L ou A nne a sk s.

"O h, it w as lik e a d re am . A nd T ru d y's h o use --T .V . s e ts in e very r o om . T hat s a m e c ra zy s p ace-a ge fu rn it u re y o u c o uld h ard ly e ven s it in . W e w ent to a ll th ese fa ncy r e sta ura nts , w here th e m ovie s ta rs eat, a nd d ra nk m artin is a nd b urg und y w in e. A nd o ne n ig ht M ax F acto r h im se lf c am e o ver to th e ta b le , s p oke to T ru d y lik e th ey'r e ju st o ld fr ie nd s"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead --"lik e th ey w ere ju st p assin g by in th e g ro cery s to re ." E liz a b eth s ig hs.

"W ell, if y o u a sk m e, y o u'r e s till th e p re ttie st in th e fa m ily ," H illy s a ys. " N ot th at T ru d y's u nattr a ctiv e, but y o u'r e th e o ne w it h th e p ois e a nd th e r e al s ty le ." Eliz a b eth s m ile s a t th is , b ut th en d rif ts b ack to fr o w nin g. " N ot to m entio n s h e h as liv e-in h elp , e very day, e very hour.

I h ard ly h ad to s e e M ae M oble y a t a ll. " I c rin ge a t th is c o m ment, b ut n o o ne e ls e s e em s to n o tic e. H illy 's w atc hin g h er m aid , Y ule M ay, r e fill our te a g la sse s. S he's ta ll, s le nd er, a lm ost r e gal- lo okin g a nd h as a m uch b ette r fig ure th an H illy .

Seein g h er m ak es m e w orry a b out A ib ile en. I 'v e c alle d A ib ile en's h o use tw ic e th is w eek , b ut th ere wasn 't a ny a nsw er. I 'm s u re s h e's a vo id in g m e. I g uess I 'll h ave to g o to E liz a b eth 's h o use to ta lk to her w heth er E liz a b eth lik es it o r n o t.

"I w as th in k in g n ext y ear w e m ig ht d o a Gone W it h t h e W in d th em e fo r th e B enefit ," H illy s a ys, "m ayb e r e nt th e o ld F air v ie w M ansio n?" "W hat a g re at id ea!" L ou A nne s a ys.

"O h S keete r," H illy s a ys, " I k no w y o u ju st h ate d m is sin g it th is y ear." I n o d, g iv e a p it if u l fr o w n. I 'd pre te nd ed to h ave th e flu to a vo id g o in g a lo ne.

"I'll te ll y o u o ne th in g," H illy s a ys, " I w on't b e h ir in g th at r o ck -a nd -ro ll b and a gain , p la yin g a ll th at fa st dance m usic . . ." Eliz a b eth ta p s m y a rm . S he h as h er h and bag in h er la p . " I a lm ost fo rg o t to g iv e th is to y o u. F ro m Aib ile en, fo r th e M is s M yrn a th in g? I to ld h er th o ugh, y 'a ll c anno t p ow wow o n th is to day, n o t a fte r all th at tim e s h e m is se d in J a nuary ." I o pen th e fo ld ed p ie ce o f p ap er. T he w ord s a re in b lu e in k , in a lo vely c urs iv e h and .

I k now h ow t o m ake t h e t e a pot s to p r a ttlin g.

"A nd w ho in th e w orld c are s a b out h o w to m ak e a te ap ot n o t r a ttle ?" E liz a b eth s a ys. B ecause o f co urs e s h e r e ad it .

It ta k es m e tw o s e co nd s a nd a d rin k o f ic ed te a to u nd ers ta nd . " Y ou w ould n't b elie ve h o w h ard it is ," I te ll h er.

TW O D AY S L ATER , I s it in m y p are nts ' k it c hen, w ait in g fo r d usk to fa ll. I g iv e in a nd lig ht a no th er cig are tte e ven th o ugh la st n ig ht th e s u rg eo n g enera l c am e o n th e te le vis io n s e t a nd s h o ok h is fin ger a t every b ody, tr y in g to c o nvin ce u s th at s m okin g w ill k ill u s. B ut M oth er o nce to ld m e to ngue k is sin g would tu rn m e b lin d a nd I 'm s ta rtin g to th in k it 's a ll ju st a b ig p lo t b etw een th e s u rg eo n g enera l a nd Moth er to m ak e s u re n o o ne e ver h as a ny fu n.

At e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at s a m e n ig ht, I 'm s tu m blin g d ow n A ib ile en's s tr e et a s d is c re etly a s o ne c an carry in g a fif ty -p ound C oro na ty p ew rit e r. I k no ck s o ftly , a lr e ad y d yin g fo r a no th er c ig are tte to c alm my n erv es. A ib ile en a nsw ers a nd I s lip in sid e. S he's w earin g th e s a m e g re en d re ss a nd s tif f b la ck sh o es a s la st tim e.

I tr y to s m ile , lik e I 'm c o nfid ent it w ill w ork th is tim e, d esp it e th e id ea s h e e xp la in ed o ver th e p ho ne.

"C ould w e . . . s it in th e k it c hen th is tim e?" I a sk . " W ould y o u m in d ?" "A lr ig ht. A in 't n o th in g to lo ok a t, b ut c o m e o n b ack ." The k it c hen is a b out h alf th e s iz e o f th e liv in g r o om , a nd w arm er. I t s m ells lik e te a a nd le m ons. T he bla ck -a nd -w hit e lin o le um flo or h as b een s c ru b bed th in . T here 's ju st e no ugh c o unte r fo r th e c hin a te a se t.

I s e t th e ty p ew rit e r o n a s c ra tc hed r e d ta b le u nd er th e w in d ow . A ib ile en s ta rts to p our th e h o t w ate r in to th e te ap ot.

"O h, n o ne fo r m e, th ank s," I s a y a nd r e ach in m y b ag. " I b ro ught u s s o m e C o-C ola s if y o u w ant one." I 'v e tr ie d to c o m e u p w it h w ays to m ak e A ib ile en m ore c o m fo rta b le . N um ber O ne: d on't mak e h er fe el lik e s h e h as to s e rv e m e.

"W ell, a in 't th at n ic e. I u su ally d on't ta k e m y te a till la te r a nyw ay." S he b rin gs o ver a n o pener a nd tw o gla sse s. I d rin k m in e s tr a ig ht fr o m th e b ottle a nd , s e ein g th is , s h e p ush es th e g la sse s a sid e, d oes th e sa m e.

I c alle d A ib ile en a fte r E liz a b eth g ave m e th e n o te , a nd lis te ned h o pefu lly a s A ib ile en to ld m e h er id ea--fo r h er to w rit e h er o w n w ord s d ow n a nd th en s h o w m e w hat's s h e's w rit te n. I tr ie d to a ct excit e d . B ut I k no w I 'll h ave to r e w rit e e very th in g s h e's w rit te n, w astin g e ven m ore tim e. I th o ught it mig ht m ak e it e asie r if s h e c o uld s e e it in ty p efa ce in ste ad o f m e r e ad in g it a nd te llin g h er it c an't work th is w ay.

We s m ile a t e ach o th er. I ta k e a s ip o f m y C oke, s m ooth m y b lo use . " S o . . ." I s a y.

Aib ile en h as a w ir e -rin ged n o te b ook in fr o nt o f h er. " W ant m e to . . . ju st g o h ead a nd r e ad ?" "S ure ," I s a y.

We b oth ta k e d eep b re ath s a nd s h e b egin s r e ad in g in a s lo w , s te ad y v o ic e. "M y fir s t w hit e b ab y to e ver lo ok a fte r w as n am ed A lt o n C arrin gto n S peers . I t w as 1 924 a nd I 'd ju st tu rn ed fif te en y ears o ld . A lt o n w as a lo ng, s k in ny b ab y w it h h air fin e a s s ilk o n a c o rn . . ." I b egin ty p in g a s s h e r e ad s, h er w ord s r h yth m ic , p ro no unced m ore c le arly th an h er u su al ta lk . " E very win d ow in th at filt h y h o use w as p ain te d s h ut o n th e in sid e, e ven th o ugh th e h o use w as b ig w it h a wid e g re en la w n. I k new th e a ir w as b ad , fe lt s ic k m yse lf . . ." "H ang o n," I s a y. I 'v e ty p ed wid e g re em .

I b lo w o n th e ty p in g flu id , r e ty p e it . " O kay, g o a head ." "W hen th e m am a d ie d , s ix m onth s la te r," s h e r e ad s, " o f th e lu ng d is e ase , th ey k ep t m e o n to r a is e Alt o n u ntil th ey m oved a w ay to M em phis . I lo ved th at b ab y a nd h e lo ved m e a nd th at's w hen I knew I w as g o od a t m ak in g c hild re n fe el p ro ud o f th em se lv es . . ." I h ad n't w ante d to in su lt A ib ile en w hen s h e to ld m e h er id ea. I tr ie d to u rg e h er o ut o f it , o ver th e pho ne. " W rit in g is n 't th at e asy. A nd y o u w ould n't h ave tim e fo r th is a nyw ay, A ib ile en, n o t w it h a fu ll- tim e jo b." "C an't b e m uch d if fe re nt th an w rit in g m y p ra yers e very n ig ht." It w as th e fir s t in te re stin g th in g s h e'd to ld m e a b out h ers e lf s in ce w e'd s ta rte d th e p ro je ct, s o I 'd gra b bed th e s h o ppin g p ad in th e p antr y . " Y ou d on't s a y y o ur p ra yers , th en?" "I n ever to ld n o body th at b efo re . N ot e ven M in ny. F in d I c an g et m y p oin t a cro ss a lo t b ette r w rit in g em d ow n." "S o th is is w hat y o u d o o n th e w eek end s? " I a sk ed . " In y o ur s p are tim e?" I lik ed th e id ea o f cap tu rin g h er lif e o uts id e o f w ork , w hen s h e w asn 't u nd er th e e ye o f E liz a b eth L eefo lt .

"O h n o , I w rit e a h o ur, s o m etim es tw o e ver d ay. L ot a a ilin g, s ic k p eo ple s in th is to w n." I w as im pre sse d . T hat w as m ore th an I w ro te o n s o m e d ays. I to ld h er w e'd tr y it ju st to g et th e pro je ct g o in g a gain .

Aib ile en ta k es a b re ath , a s w allo w o f C oke, a nd r e ad s o n.

She b ack tr a ck s to h er fir s t jo b a t th ir te en, c le anin g th e F ra ncis th e F ir s t s ilv er s e rv ic e a t th e go vern o r's m ansio n. S he r e ad s h o w o n h er fir s t m orn in g, s h e m ad e a m is ta k e o n th e c hart w here y o u fille d in th e n um ber o f p ie ces s o th ey'd k no w y o u h ad n't s to le n a nyth in g.

"I c o m e h o m e th at m orn in g, a fte r I b een fir e d , a nd s to od o uts id e m y h o use w it h m y n ew w ork s h o es on. T he s h o es m y m am a p aid a m onth 's w orth a lig ht b ill fo r. I g uess th at's w hen I u nd ers to od w hat sh am e w as a nd th e c o lo r o f it to o. S ham e a in 't b la ck , lik e d ir t, lik e I a lw ays th o ught it w as. S ham e be th e c o lo r o f a n ew w hit e u nif o rm y o ur m oth er ir o ned a ll n ig ht to p ay fo r, w hit e w it h o ut a s m ud ge or a s p eck a w ork -d ir t o n it ." Aib ile en lo oks u p to s e e w hat I th in k . I s to p ty p in g. I 'd e xp ecte d th e s to rie s to b e s w eet, g lo ssy. I re aliz e I m ig ht b e g ettin g m ore th an I 'd b arg ain ed fo r. S he r e ad s o n.

". . . s o I g o o n a nd g et th e c hif fa ro be s tr a ig hte ned o ut a nd b efo re I k no w it , th at lit tle w hit e b oy done c ut h is fin gers c le an o ff in th at w in d ow fa n I a sk ed h er to ta k e o ut te n tim es. I n ever s e en th at much r e d c o m e o ut a p ers o n a nd I g ra b th e b oy, I g ra b th em fo ur fin gers . T ote h im to th e c o lo re d ho sp it a l c ause I d id n't k no w w here th e w hit e o ne w as. B ut w hen I g o t th ere , a c o lo re d m an s to p m e and s a y, Is t h is b oy w hit e ?

" T he ty p ew rit e r k eys a re c la ck in g lik e h ail o n a r o of. A ib ile en is r e ad in g fa ste r a nd I a m ig no rin g m y m is ta k es, s to ppin g h er o nly to p ut in a no th er p age. E very e ig ht s e co nd s, I flin g th e c arria ge a sid e.

"A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Is t h em h is w hit e f in gers?

A nd I s a y, Ye ssu h, a nd h e s a y, Well, y o u bette r t e ll e m h e y o ur h ig h y ello w c a use t h at c o lo re d d octo r w on't o pera te o n a w hit e b oy in a Neg ro h osp it a l.

A nd th en a w hit e p olic em an g ra b m e a nd h e s a y, Now y o u lo ok a h ere -- " She s to ps. L ooks u p . T he c la ck in g c ease s.

"W hat? T he p olic em an s a id lo ok a h ere w hat? " "W ell, th at's a ll I p ut d ow n. H ad to c atc h th e b us fo r w ork th is m orn in g." I h it th e r e tu rn a nd th e ty p ew rit e r d in gs. A ib ile en a nd I lo ok e ach o th er s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. I th in k th is mig ht a ctu ally w ork .

ch ap te r 1 2 E V ERY O TH ER N IG HT fo r th e n ext tw o w eek s, I te ll M oth er I 'm o ff to fe ed th e h ungry a t th e C anto n P re sb yte ria n C hurc h, w here w e, fo rtu nate ly , k no w n o t a s o ul. O f c o urs e s h e'd r a th er I g o d ow n to th e F ir s t P re sb yte ria n, b ut M oth er's n o t o ne to a rg ue w it h C hris tia n w ork s a nd s h e n o ds a p pro vin gly , te lls m e o n th e s id e to m ak e s u re I w ash m y h and s th o ro ughly w it h s o ap a fte rw ard .

H our a fte r h o ur, in A ib ile en's k it c hen, s h e r e ad s h er w rit in g a nd I ty p e, th e d eta ils th ic k enin g, th e b ab ie s' fa ces s lid in g in to fo cus. A t fir s t, I 'm d is a p poin te d th at A ib ile en is d oin g m ost o f th e w rit in g, w it h m e ju st e d it in g. B ut if M is su s S te in lik es it , I 'll b e w rit in g th e o th er m aid s' s to rie s a nd th at w ill b e m ore th an e no ugh w ork .

If s h e lik es it ... I fin d m yse lf s a yin g th is o ver a nd o ver in m y h ead , h o pin g it m ig ht m ak e it s o .

A ib ile en's w rit in g is c le ar, h o nest. I te ll h er s o .

" W ell, lo ok w ho I b een w rit in g to ." S he c huck le s. " C an't lie to G od." B efo re I w as b orn , s h e a ctu ally p ic k ed c o tto n fo r a w eek a t L ongle af, m y o w n fa m ily 's fa rm . O nce s h e la p se s in to ta lk in g a b out C onsta ntin e w it h o ut m y e ven a sk in g.

" L aw , th at C onsta ntin e c o uld s in g. L ik e a p ure b re d a ngel s ta nd in g in th e fr o nt a th e c hurc h. G iv e e verb ody c hills , lis te nin g to th at s ilk y v o ic e a h ers a nd w hen s h e w ould n't s in g n o m ore a fte r s h e h ad t o g iv e h er b ab y to --" S he s to ps. L ooks a t m e.

S he s a ys, " A nyw ay." I te ll m yse lf n o t to p re ss h er. I w is h I c o uld h ear e very th in g s h e k no w s a b out C onsta ntin e, b ut I 'll w ait u ntil w e'v e fin is h ed h er in te rv ie w s. I d on't w ant to p ut a nyth in g b etw een u s n o w .

" A ny w ord fr o m M in ny y et? " I a sk . " If M is su s S te in lik es it ," I s a y, p ra ctic ally c hantin g th e fa m ilia r w ord s, " I ju st w ant to h ave th e n ext in te rv ie w s e t u p a nd r e ad y." A ib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " I a sk ed M in ny th re e tim es a nd s h e s till s a y s h e a in 't g o ne d o it . I s p ec it 's t im e I b elie ved h er." I tr y n o t to s h o w m y w orry . " M ayb e y o u c o uld a sk s o m e o th ers ? S ee if th ey'r e in te re ste d ?" I a m p osit iv e th at A ib ile en w ould h ave b ette r lu ck c o nvin cin g s o m eo ne th an I w ould .

A ib ile en n o ds. " I g o t s o m e m ore I c an a sk . B ut h o w lo ng y o u th in k it 's g o ne ta k e fo r th is la d y to te ll y o u if s h e lik e it ? " I s h ru g. " I d on't k no w . I f w e m ail it n ext w eek , m ayb e w e'll h ear fr o m h er b y m id -F eb ru ary . B ut I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." A ib ile en p re sse s h er lip s to geth er, lo oks d ow n a t h er p ages. I s e e s o m eth in g th at I h aven't n o tic ed b efo re . A ntic ip atio n, a g lin t o f e xcit e m ent. I 'v e b een s o w ra p ped u p in m y o w n s e lf , it h asn 't o ccurre d to m e th at A ib ile en m ig ht b e a s th rille d a s I a m th at a n e d it o r in N ew Y ork is g o in g to r e ad h er s to ry . I s m ile a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath , m y h o pe g ro w in g s tr o nger.

On o ur fif th s e ssio n, A ib ile en r e ad s to m e a b out th e d ay T re elo re d ie d . S he r e ad s a b out h o w h is bro ken b ody w as th ro w n o n th e b ack o f a p ic k up b y th e w hit e fo re m an. " A nd th en th ey d ro pped him o ff a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. T hat's w hat th e n urs e to ld m e, w ho w as s ta nd in g o uts id e. T hey r o lle d him o ff th e tr u ck b ed a nd th e w hit e m en d ro ve a w ay." A ib ile en d oesn 't c ry , ju st le ts a p arc el o f tim e pass w hile I s ta re a t th e ty p ew rit e r, s h e a t th e w orn b la ck tile s.

On th e s ix th s e ssio n, A ib ile en s a ys, " I w ent to w ork fo r M is s L eefo lt in 1 960. W hen M ae M oble y tw o w eek s o ld ," a nd I fe el I 'v e p asse d th ro ugh a le ad en g ate o f c o nfid ence. S he d esc rib es th e build in g o f th e g ara ge b ath ro om , a d m it s s h e is g la d it is th ere n o w . I t's e asie r th an lis te nin g to H illy co m pla in a b out s h arin g a to ile t w it h th e m aid . S he te lls m e th at I o nce c o m mente d th at c o lo re d peo ple a tte nd to o m uch c hurc h. T hat s tu ck w it h h er. I c rin ge, w ond erin g w hat e ls e I 'v e s a id , n ever su sp ectin g th e h elp w as lis te nin g o r c are d .

One n ig ht s h e s a ys, " I w as th in k in g . . ." B ut th en s h e s to ps.

I lo ok u p fr o m th e ty p ew rit e r, w ait . I t to ok A ib ile en v o m it in g o n h ers e lf fo r m e to le arn to le t h er ta k e h er tim e.

"I's th in k in g I o ught to d o s o m e r e ad in g. M ig ht h elp m e w it h m y o w n w rit in g." "G o d ow n to th e S ta te S tr e et L ib ra ry . T hey h ave a w ho le r o om fu ll o f S outh ern w rit e rs . F aulk ner, Eud ora W elt y --" Aib ile en g iv es m e a d ry c o ugh. " Y ou k no w c o lo re d fo lk s a in 't a llo w ed in th at lib ra ry ." I s it th ere a s e co nd , fe elin g s tu p id . " I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t th at." T he c o lo re d lib ra ry m ust b e p re tty bad . T here w as a s it - in a t th e w hit e lib ra ry a fe w y ears a go a nd it m ad e th e p ap ers . W hen th e co lo re d c ro w d s h o w ed u p fo r th e s it - in tr ia l, th e p olic e d ep artm ent s im ply s te p ped b ack a nd tu rn ed th e G erm an s h ep herd s lo ose . I lo ok a t A ib ile en a nd a m r e m in d ed , o nce a gain , th e r is k s h e's ta k in g ta lk in g to m e. " I'll b e g la d to p ic k th e b ooks u p fo r y o u," I s a y.

Aib ile en h urrie s to th e b ed ro om a nd c o m es b ack w it h a lis t. " I b ette r m ark th e o nes I w ant fir s t. I been o n th e w ait in g lis t fo r To K ill a M ock in gbir d a t th e C arv er L ib ra ry n ear b out th re e m onth s no w . L ess s e e . . ." I w atc h a s s h e p uts c heck m ark s n ext to th e b ooks:

The S ouls o f B la ck F olk b y W . E . B . D u B ois , poem s b y E m ily D ic k in so n ( a ny), The A dven tu re s o f H uck le b erry F in n.

"I r e ad s o m e a th at b ack in s c ho ol, b ut I d id n't g et to fin is h ." S he k eep s m ark in g, s to ppin g to th in k whic h o ne s h e w ants n ext.

"Y ou w ant a b ook b y . . . S ig m und F re ud ?" "O h, p eo ple c ra zy." S he n o ds. " I lo ve r e ad in g a b out h o w th e h ead w ork . Y ou e ver d re am y o u fa ll in a la k e? H e s a y y o u d re am in g a b out y o ur o w n s e lf b ein g b orn . M is s F ra nces, w ho I w ork fo r in 1957, s h e h ad a ll th em b ooks." On h er tw elf th tit le , I h ave to k no w . " A ib ile en, h o w lo ng h ave y o u b een w antin g to a sk m e th is ? I f I 'd check th ese b ooks o ut fo r y o u?" "A w hile ." S he s h ru gs. " I g uess I 's a fr a id to m entio n it ." "D id y o u . . . th in k I 'd s a y n o ?" "T hese is w hit e r u le s. I d on't k no w w hic h o nes y o u fo llo w in g a nd w hic h o nes y o u a in 't ." We lo ok a t e ach o th er a s e co nd . " I'm tir e d o f th e r u le s," I s a y.

Aib ile en c huck le s a nd lo oks o ut th e w in d ow . I r e aliz e h o w th in th is r e vela tio n m ust s o und to h er.

FO R F O UR D AY S S TR A IG HT, I s it a t m y ty p ew rit e r in m y b ed ro om . T w enty o f m y ty p ed p ages, fu ll o f s la sh es a nd r e d -c ir c le d e d it s , b eco m e th ir ty -o ne o n th ic k S tr a th m ore w hit e . I w rit e a s h o rt bio gra p hy o f S ara h R oss, th e n am e A ib ile en c ho se , a fte r h er s ix th -g ra d e te acher w ho d ie d y ears ago . I in clu d e h er a ge, w hat h er p are nts d id fo r a liv in g. I fo llo w th is w it h A ib ile en's o w n s to rie s, ju st as s h e w ro te th em , s im ple , s tr a ig htfo rw ard .

On d ay th re e, M oth er c alls u p th e s ta ir s to a sk w hat in th e w orld I 'm d oin g u p th ere a ll d ay a nd I ho lle r d ow n, Ju st t y p in g u p s o m e n ote s f ro m t h e B ib le s tu dy. J u st w rit in g d ow n a ll t h e t h in gs I lo ve a bout J esu s.

I h ear h er te ll D ad dy, in th e k it c hen a fte r s u p per, " S he's u p to s o m eth in g." I c arry my lit tle w hit e b ap tis m B ib le a ro und th e h o use , to m ak e it m ore b elie vab le .

I r e ad a nd r e -re ad a nd th en ta k e th e p ages to A ib ile en in th e e venin gs a nd s h e d oes th e s a m e. S he sm ile s a nd n o ds o ver th e n ic e p arts w here e very o ne g ets a lo ng fin e b ut o n th e b ad p arts s h e ta k es off h er b la ck r e ad in g g la sse s a nd s a ys, " I k no w I w ro te it , b ut y o u r e ally w ant to p ut th at in a b out th e--" And I s a y, " Y es, I d o." B ut I a m s u rp ris e d m yse lf b y w hat's in th ese s to rie s, o f s e p ara te c o lo re d re fr ig era to rs a t th e g o vern o r's m ansio n, o f w hit e w om en th ro w in g tw o-y ear- o ld fit s o ver w rin k le d nap kin s, w hit e b ab ie s c allin g A ib ile en " M am a." At th re e a .m ., w it h o nly tw o w hit e c o rre ctio n m ark s o n w hat is n o w tw enty -se ven p ages, I s lid e th e manusc rip t in to a y ello w e nvelo pe. Y este rd ay, I m ad e a lo ng-d is ta nce p ho ne c all to M is su s S te in 's offic e. H er s e cre ta ry , R uth , s a id s h e w as in a m eetin g. S he to ok d ow n m y m essa ge, th at th e in te rv ie w is o n it s w ay. T here w as n o c all b ack fr o m M is su s S te in to day.

I h o ld th e e nvelo pe to m y h eart a nd a lm ost w eep fr o m e xhaustio n, d oub t. I m ail it a t th e C anto n P .

O. th e n ext m orn in g. I c o m e h o m e a nd lie d ow n o n m y o ld ir o n b ed , w orry in g o ver w hat w ill h ap pen . . .

if s h e lik es it .

W hat if E liz a b eth o r H illy c atc hes u s a t w hat w e'r e d oin g? W hat if A ib ile en g ets fir e d , s e nt to ja il? I fe el lik e I 'm fa llin g d ow n a lo ng s p ir a l tu nnel. G od, w ould th ey b eat h er th e w ay th ey b eat th e c o lo re d b oy w ho u se d th e w hit e b ath ro om ? W hat a m I d oin g? W hy a m I p uttin g h er a t su ch r is k ?

I g o to s le ep . I h ave n ig htm are s fo r th e n ext fif te en h o urs s tr a ig ht. IT 's a Q UARTER P A ST O NE a nd H illy a nd E liz a b eth a nd I a re s it tin g a t E liz a b eth 's d in in g r o om ta b le w ait in g o n L ou A nne to s h o w u p . I 'v e h ad n o th in g to e at to day e xcep t M oth er's s e xual- co rre ctio n te a a nd I fe el n ause o us, ju m py. M y fo ot is w aggin g u nd er th e ta b le . I 'v e b een lik e th is fo r te n d ays, e ver s in ce I m aile d A ib ile en's s to rie s to E la in e S te in . I c alle d o nce a nd R uth s a id s h e passe d it o n to h er fo ur d ays a go , b ut s till I 'v e h eard n o th in g.

"Is th is n o t ju st th e r u d est th in g y o u'v e e ver h eard o f ? " H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h a nd s c o w ls . T his is Lou A nne's s e co nd tim e to b e la te . S he w on't la st lo ng in o ur g ro up w it h H illy a ro und .

Aib ile en w alk s in th e d in in g r o om a nd I d o m y b est n o t to lo ok a t h er fo r to o lo ng. I a m a fr a id H illy or E liz a b eth w ill s e e s o m eth in g in m y e yes.

"S to p jig glin g y o ur fo ot, S keete r. Y ou'r e s h ak in g th e w ho le e ntir e ta b le ," H illy s a ys.

Aib ile en m oves a ro und th e r o om in h er e asy, w hit e -u nif o rm ed s tr id e, n o t s h o w in g e ven a h in t o f what w e'v e d one. I g uess s h e's g ro w n d eft a t h id in g h er fe elin gs.

Hilly s h uffle s a nd d eals o ut a h and o f g in r u m my. I tr y to c o ncentr a te o n th e g am e, b ut lit tle fa cts keep ju m pin g in m y h ead e very tim e I lo ok a t E liz a b eth . A bout M ae M oble y u sin g th e g ara ge bath ro om , h o w A ib ile en c an't k eep h er lu nch in th e L eefo lt s ' r e fr ig era to r. S m all d eta ils I 'm p riv y to no w .

Aib ile en o ffe rs m e a b is c uit fr o m a s ilv er tr a y. S he fills m y ic ed te a lik e w e a re th e s tr a ngers w e w ere meant to b e. I 'v e b een to h er h o use tw ic e s in ce I m aile d th e p ack age to N ew Y ork , b oth tim es to tr a d e o ut h er lib ra ry b ooks. S he s till w ears th e g re en d re ss w it h b la ck p ip in g w hen I c o m e o ver.

Som etim es s h e'll s lip o ff h er s h o es u nd er th e ta b le . L ast tim e, s h e p ulle d o ut a p ack o f M ontc la ir s and s m oked r ig ht th ere w it h m e in th e r o om a nd th at w as k in d o f s o m eth in g, th e c asu aln ess o f it . I had o ne to o. N ow s h e is c le arin g a w ay m y c ru m bs w it h th e s te rlin g s ilv er s c ra p er I g ave to E liz a b eth and R ale ig h fo r th eir w ed din g.

"W ell, w hile w e w ait , I h ave s o m e n ew s," E liz a b eth s a ys a nd I r e co gniz e th e lo ok o n h er fa ce alr e ad y, th e s e cre tiv e n o d, o ne h and o n h er s to m ach.

"I'm p re gnant." S he s m ile s, h er m outh tr e m blin g a lit tle .

"T hat's g re at," I s a y. I p ut d ow n m y c ard s a nd to uch h er a rm . S he tr u ly lo oks lik e s h e m ig ht c ry .

"W hen a re y o u d ue?" "O cto ber." "W ell, it 's a b out tim e," H illy s a ys, g iv in g h er a h ug. " M ae M oble y's p ra ctic ally g ro w n." Eliz a b eth lig hts a c ig are tte , s ig hs. S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c ard s. " W e'r e a ll r e al e xcit e d ." While w e p la y a fe w p ra ctic e h and s, H illy a nd E liz a b eth ta lk a b out b ab y n am es. I tr y to c o ntr ib ute to th e c o nvers a tio n. " D efin it e ly R ale ig h, if it 's a b oy," I a d d. H illy ta lk s a b out W illia m 's c am paig n. H e's ru nnin g fo r s ta te s e nate n ext y ear, e ven th o ugh h e h as n o p olit ic al e xp erie nce. I 'm g ra te fu l w hen Eliz a b eth te lls A ib ile en to g o a head a nd s e rv e lu nch.

When A ib ile en c o m es b ack in w it h th e g ela tin s a la d , H illy s tr a ig hte ns in h er c hair . " A ib ile en, I h ave an o ld c o at fo r y o u a nd a s a ck o f c lo th es fr o m M is su s W alt e rs ' h o use ." S he d ab s h er m outh w it h h er nap kin . " S o y o u c o m e o n o ut to th e c ar a fte r lu nch a nd p ic k it a ll u p , a lr ig ht? " "Y es m a'a m ." "D on't fo rg et n o w . I c an't w orry w it h b rin gin g th em b y a gain ." "O h n o w is n 't th at n ic e o f M is s H illy , A ib ile en?" E liz a b eth n o ds. " Y ou g o o n a nd g et th o se c lo th es rig ht a fte r w e'r e d one." "Y es m a'a m ." Hilly r a is e s h er v o ic e a b out th re e o cta ves h ig her w hen s h e ta lk s to c o lo re d p eo ple . E liz a b eth s m ile s lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , a lt h o ugh c erta in ly n o t h er o w n. I a m s ta rtin g to n o tic e th in gs.

By th e tim e L ou A nne T em ple to n s h o w s u p , w e'v e fin is h ed o ur s h rim p a nd g rit s a nd a re ju st s ta rtin g on d esse rt. H illy is a m azin gly fo rg iv in g. L ou A nne w as la te , a fte r a ll, b ecause o f a L eague d uty .

Afte rw ard , I te ll E liz a b eth c o ngra tu la tio ns a gain , w alk o ut to m y c ar. A ib ile en is o uts id e c o lle ctin g her g ently u se d c o at fr o m 1 942 a nd o ld c lo th es th at, fo r s o m e r e aso n, H illy w on't g iv e to h er o w n maid , Y ule M ay. H illy s tr id es o ver to m e, h and s m e a n e nvelo pe.

"F or th e n ew sle tte r n ext w eek . Y ou'll b e s u re a nd g et it in fo r m e?" I n o d a nd H illy w alk s b ack to h er c ar. J u st a s A ib ile en o pens th e fr o nt d oor to g o b ack in th e h o use , sh e g la nces b ack m y w ay. I s h ak e m y h ead , m outh th e w ord Noth in g.

S he n o ds a nd g o es o n in th e ho use .

That n ig ht, I w ork o n th e n ew sle tte r, w is h in g I w as w ork in g o n th e s to rie s in ste ad . I g o th ro ugh th e no te s fr o m th e la st L eague m eetin g, a nd c o m e a cro ss H illy 's e nvelo pe. I o pen it . I t is o ne p age, writ te n in H illy 's fa t, c urly p en:

Hilly H olb ro ok in tro duces t h e H om e H elp S anit a tio n I n it ia tiv e. A d is e a se p re v en ta tiv e mea su re . L ow -c o st b ath ro om in sta lla tio n in y o ur g ara ge o r s h ed , f o r h om es w it h out s u ch a n im porta nt f ix tu re .

Ladie s, d id y o u k now t h at:

* 99% o f a ll c o lo re d d is e a se s a re c a rrie d in t h e u rin e * Whit e s c a n b eco m e p erm anen tly d is a ble d b y n ea rly a ll o f t h ese d is e a se s b eca use w e la ck im munit ie s c o lo re d s c a rry in t h eir d ark er p ig m en ta tio n * Som e g erm s c a rrie d b y w hit e s c a n a ls o b e h arm fu l t o c o lo re d s t o o P ro te ct y o urse lf . P ro te ct yo ur c h ild re n . P ro te ct y o ur h elp .

Fro m t h e H olb ro oks, w e s a y, Y o u'r e w elc o m e!

TH E P H O NE r in gs in T H E k it c hen a nd I p ra ctic ally fa ll o ver m yse lf r a cin g to it . B ut P asc ago ula h as alr e ad y a nsw ere d it .

"M is s C harlo tte r e sid ence." I s ta re h er d ow n, w atc h a s tin y P asc ago ula n o ds, s a ys, " Y es m a'a m , s h e h ere ," a nd h and s m e th e pho ne.

"T his is E ugenia ," I s a y q uic k ly . D ad dy's in th e fie ld s a nd M oth er's a t a d octo r's a p poin tm ent in to w n, s o I s tr e tc h th e b la ck , tw is tin g p ho ne c o rd to th e k it c hen ta b le .

"E la in e S te in h ere ." I b re ath e d eep . " Y es m a'a m . D id y o u r e ceiv e m y p ack age?" "I d id ," s h e s a ys a nd th en b re ath es in to th e p ho ne a fe w s e co nd s.

"T his S ara h R oss. I lik e h er s to rie s. S he lik es to k vetc h w it h o ut c o m pla in in g to o m uch." I n o d. I d on't k no w w hat kvetc h m eans, b ut I th in k it m ust b e g o od.

"B ut I s till s ta nd b y m y o pin io n th at a b ook o f in te rv ie w s . . . o rd in arily w ould n't w ork . I t's n o t fic tio n, b ut it 's n o t n o nfic tio n e it h er. P erh ap s it 's a nth ro polo gic al b ut th at's a g hastly c ate go ry to b e in ." "B ut y o u . . . lik ed it ? " "E ugenia ," s h e s a ys, e xhalin g h er c ig are tte s m oke in to th e p ho ne. " H ave y o u s e en th e c o ver o f Lif e magazin e th is w eek ?" I h aven't s e en th e c o ver o f m y Lif e m agazin e in a m onth , I 'v e b een s o b usy.

"M artin L uth er K in g, d ear. H e ju st a nno unced a m arc h o n D .C . a nd in vit e d e very N egro in A meric a to jo in h im . E very w hit e p ers o n, fo r th at m atte r. T his m any N egro a nd w hit e p eo ple h aven't w ork ed to geth er s in ce Gone W it h t h e W in d.

" "Y es, I d id h ear a b out th e . . . m arc hin g . . . e vent," I lie . I c o ver m y e yes, w is h in g I 'd r e ad th e p ap er th is w eek . I s o und lik e a n id io t.

"M y a d vic e to y o u is , w rit e it a nd w rit e it fa st. T he m arc h is in A ugust. Y ou s h o uld h ave it w rit te n b y New Y ear's ." I g asp . S he's te llin g m e to w rit e it ! S he's te llin g m e . . . " A re y o u s a yin g y o u'll p ub lis h it ? I f I c an w rit e it b y--" "I s a id n o th in g o f th e s o rt," s h e s n ap s. " I w ill r e ad it . I lo ok a t a h und re d m anusc rip ts a m onth a nd re je ct n early a ll o f th em ." "S orry , I ju st . . . I 'll w rit e it ," I s a y. " I'll h ave it fin is h ed in J a nuary ." "A nd fo ur o r fiv e in te rv ie w s w on't b e e no ugh fo r a b ook. Y ou'll n eed a d oze n, m ayb e m ore . Y ou have m ore in te rv ie w s s e t u p , I a ssu m e?" I p re ss m y lip s to geth er. " S om e . . . m ore ." "G ood. T hen g et g o in g. B efo re th is c iv il r ig hts th in g b lo w s o ver." TH AT E V EN IN G, I g o to A ib ile en's . I h and h er th re e m ore b ooks fr o m h er lis t. M y b ack h urts fr o m le anin g o ver th e ty p ew rit e r. T his a fte rn o on, I w ro te d ow n e very o ne I k no w w ho h as a m aid (w hic h is e very o ne I k no w ), a nd th eir m aid 's n am e. B ut s o m e o f th e n am es I c an't r e m em ber.

"T hank y o u, o h L aw , lo ok a t th is ." S he s m ile s a nd flip s to th e fir s t p age o f Wald en , lo oks lik e s h e wants to s ta rt r e ad in g it r ig ht th ere .

"I s p oke to M is su s S te in th is a fte rn o on," I s a y.

Aib ile en's h and s fr e eze o n th e b ook. " I k new s o m eth in g w as w ro ng. I s e en it o n y o ur fa ce." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . " S he s a id s h e lik es y o ur s to rie s v ery m uch. B ut . . . s h e w on't s a y if s h e'll pub lis h it u ntil w e'v e w rit te n th e w ho le th in g." I tr y to lo ok o ptim is tic . " W e h ave to b e fin is h ed ju st afte r th e n ew y ear." "B ut th at's g o od n ew s, a in 't it ? " I n o d, tr y to s m ile .

" Ja nuary, " A ib ile en w his p ers a nd s h e g ets u p a nd le aves th e k it c hen. S he c o m es b ack w it h a T om 's cand y w all c ale nd ar. S he s e ts it d ow n o n th e ta b le , flip s th ro ugh th e m onth s.

"S eem a lo ng w ays o ff n o w , b ut J a nuary a in 't b ut . . . tw o . . . fo ur . . . s ix ... te n p ages a w ay. G one be h ere b efo re w e k no w it ." S he g rin s.

"S he s a id w e h ave to in te rv ie w a t le ast tw elv e m aid s fo r h er to c o nsid er it ," I s a y. T he s tr a in in m y vo ic e is s ta rtin g to r e ally c o m e th ro ugh.

"B ut . . . y o u a in 't g o t a ny o th er m aid s to ta lk to , M is s S keete r." I c le nch m y h and s. I c lo se m y e yes. " I d on't h ave a nyo ne I c an a sk , A ib ile en," I s a y, m y v o ic e r is in g.

I'v e s p ent th e la st fo ur h o urs p orin g o ver th is v ery fa ct. " I m ean, w ho is th ere ? P asc ago ula ? I f I ta lk to h er, M am a w ill fin d o ut. I 'm n o t th e o ne w ho k no w s th e o th er m aid s." Aib ile en's e yes d ro p fr o m m in e s o fa st I w ant to c ry .

Dam n it , S keete r.

A ny b arrie r th at h ad e ro ded betw een u s th ese p ast fe w m onth s, I 'v e ju st b uilt b ack u p in a m atte r o f s e co nd s. " I'm s o rry ," I s a y quic k ly . " I'm s o rry I r a is e d m y v o ic e." "N o, n o , it 's a lr ig ht. T hat w as m y jo b, to g et th e o th ers ." "W hat a b out . . . L ou A nne's m aid ," I s a y q uie tly , p ullin g o ut m y lis t. " W hat's h er n am e . . .

Louvenia ? D o y o u k no w h er? " Aib ile en n o ds. " I a sk ed L ouvenia ." H er e yes a re s till o n h er la p . " H er g ra nd so n th e o ne g o t b lin d ed .

She s a y s h e r e al s o rry , b ut s h e h ave to k eep h er m in d o n h im ." "A nd H illy 's m aid , Y ule M ay? Y ou'v e a sk ed h er? " "S he s a y s h e to o b usy tr y in g to g et h er b oys in to c o lle ge n ext y ear." "A ny o th er m aid s th at g o to y o ur c hurc h? H ave y o u a sk ed th em ?" Aib ile en n o ds. " T hey a ll g o t e xcuse s. B ut r e ally , th ey ju st to o s c are d ." "B ut h o w m any? H ow m any h ave y o u a sk ed ?" Aib ile en p ic k s u p h er n o te b ook, flip s th o ugh a fe w p ages. H er lip s m ove, c o untin g s ile ntly .

"T hir ty -o ne," A ib ile en s a ys.

I le t o ut m y b re ath . I d id n't k no w I 'd b een h o ld in g it .

"T hat's . . . a lo t," I s a y.

Aib ile en fin ally m eets m y lo ok. " I d id n't w ant a te ll y o u," s h e s a ys a nd h er fo re head w rin k le s. " U ntil we h eard fr o m th e la d y . . ." S he ta k es o ff h er g la sse s. I s e e th e d eep w orry in h er fa ce. S he tr ie s to hid e it w it h a tr e m blin g s m ile .

"I'm o n a sk e m a gain ," s h e s a ys, le anin g fo rw ard .

"A lr ig ht," I s ig h.

She s w allo w s h ard , n o ds r a p id ly to m ak e m e u nd ers ta nd h o w m uch s h e m eans it . " P le ase , d on't g iv e up o n m e. L et m e s ta y o n th e p ro je ct w it h y o u." I c lo se m y e yes. I n eed a b re ak fr o m s e ein g h er w orrie d fa ce. H ow c o uld I h ave r a is e d m y v o ic e to her? " A ib ile en, it 's a lr ig ht. W e'r e . . . to geth er o n th is ." A F EW D AY S L ATER , I s it in th e h o t k it c hen, b ore d , s m okin g a c ig are tte , s o m eth in g I c an't s e em to s to p d oin g la te ly . I th in k I m ig ht b e " a d dic te d ." T hat's a w ord M is te r G old en lik es to u se .

The id jit s a re a ll a ddic ts .

H e c alls m e in h is o ffic e e very o nce in a w hile , s c ans th e m onth 's a rtic le s w it h a r e d p encil, m ark in g a nd s la sh in g a nd g ru ntin g.

"T hat's fin e," h e'll s a y. " Y ou fin e?" "I'm fin e," I s a y.

"F in e, th en." B efo re I le ave, th e fa t r e cep tio nis t h and s m e m y te n-d olla r c heck a nd th at's p re tty m uch it fo r m y M is s M yrn a jo b.

The k it c hen is h o t, b ut I h ave to g et o ut o f m y r o om , w here a ll I d o is w orry b ecause n o o th er m aid s have a gre ed to w ork w it h u s. P lu s, I h ave to s m oke in h ere b ecause it 's a b out th e o nly r o om in th e ho use w it h o ut a c eilin g fa n to b lo w a sh es e very w here . W hen I w as te n, D ad dy tr ie d to in sta ll o ne in th e tin k it c hen c eilin g w it h o ut a sk in g C onsta ntin e. S he'd p oin te d to it lik e h e'd p ark ed th e F ord o n th e c eilin g.

"It's fo r y o u, C onsta ntin e, s o y o u d on't g et s o h o t b ein g u p in th e k it c hen a ll th e tim e." "I a in 't w ork in g in n o k it c hen w it h n o c eilin g fa n, M is te r C arlt o n." "S ure y o u w ill. I 'm ju st h o okin g u p th e c urre nt to it n o w ." Dad dy c lim bed d ow n th e la d der. C onsta ntin e fille d a p ot w it h w ate r. " G o h ead ," s h e s ig hed . " T urn it on th en." Dad dy flip ped th e s w it c h. I n th e s e co nd s it to ok to r e ally g et g o in g, c ak e flo ur b le w u p fr o m th e mix in g b ow l a nd s w ir le d a ro und th e r o om , r e cip es fla p ped o ff th e c o unte r a nd c aught fir e o n th e sto veto p. C onsta ntin e s n atc hed th e b urn in g r o ll o f p arc hm ent p ap er, q uic k ly d ip ped it in th e b uck et of w ate r. T here 's s till a h o le w here th e c eilin g fa n h ung fo r te n m in ute s.

In th e n ew sp ap er, I s e e S ta te S enato r W hit w orth p oin tin g to a n e m pty lo t o f la nd w here th ey p la n to build a n ew c it y c o lis e um . I tu rn th e p age. I h ate b ein g r e m in d ed o f m y d ate w it h S tu art W hit w orth .

Pasc ago ula p ad s in to th e k it c hen. I w atc h a s s h e c uts o ut b is c uit s w it h a s h o t g la ss th at's n ever s h o t a th in g b ut s h o rt d ough. B ehin d m e, th e k it c hen w in d ow s a re p ro pped o pen w it h S ears , R oeb uck & Co. c ata lo gues. P ic tu re s o f tw o-d olla r h and m ix ers a nd m ail- o rd er to ys flu tte r in a b re eze , s w olle n and p uck ere d fr o m a d ecad e o f r a in .

Mayb e I s h ould j u st a sk P asc a goula . M ayb e M oth er w on't f in d o ut.

B ut w ho a m I k id din g?

Moth er w atc hes h er e very m ove a nd P asc ago ula s e em s a fr a id o f m e a nyw ay, lik e I m ig ht te ll o n h er if s h e d oes s o m eth in g w ro ng. I t c o uld ta k e y ears to b re ak th ro ugh th at fe ar. M y b est s e nse te lls m e, le ave P asc ago ula o ut o f th is . The p ho ne r in gs lik e a fir e a la rm . P asc ago ula c la ngs h er s p oon o n th e b ow l a nd I g ra b th e r e ceiv er befo re s h e c an.

"M in ny g o ne h elp u s," A ib ile en w his p ers .

I s lip in to th e p antr y a nd s it o n m y flo ur c an. I c an't s p eak fo r a b out fiv e s e co nd s. " W hen? W hen c an sh e s ta rt? " "N ext T hurs d ay. B ut s h e g o t s o m e . . . r e q uir e m ents ." "W hat a re th ey?" Aib ile en p ause s a m om ent. " S he s a y s h e d on't w ant y o ur C ad illa c a nyw here th is s id e a th e Woodro w W ils o n b rid ge." "A lr ig ht," I s a y. " I g uess I c o uld ... d riv e th e tr u ck in ." "A nd s h e s a y . . . s h e s a y y o u c an't s e t o n th e s a m e s id e a th e r o om a s h er. S he w ant a b e a b le to se e y o u s q uare o n a t a ll tim es." "I'll . . . s it w here ver s h e w ants m e to ." Aib ile en's v o ic e s o fte ns. " S he ju st d on't k no w y o u, is a ll. P lu s s h e a in 't g o t a r e al g o od h is to ry w it h whit e la d ie s." "W hate ver I h ave to d o, I 'll d o it ." I w alk o ut o f th e p antr y b eam in g, h ang th e p ho ne u p o n th e w all. P asc ago ula is w atc hin g m e, th e sh o t g la ss in o ne h and , a r a w b is c uit in th e o th er. S he lo oks d ow n q uic k ly a nd g o es b ack to h er work .

TW O D AY S L ATER , I te ll M oth er I 'm g o in g to p ic k u p a n ew c o py o f th e K in g J a m es B ib le s in ce I'v e w orn m in e s o th in a nd a ll. I a ls o te ll h er I fe el g uilt y d riv in g th e C ad illa c w hat w it h a ll th o se p oor sta rv in g b ab ie s in A fr ic a a nd I 'v e d ecid ed to ta k e th e o ld tr u ck to day. S he n arro w s h er e yes a t m e fr o m h er p orc h r o ck er. " W here e xactly d o y o u p la n o n b uyin g th is n ew B ib le ?" I b lin k . " T he . . . th ey o rd ere d it fo r m e. A t th e C anto n c hurc h." She n o ds, w atc hes m e th e e ntir e tim e it ta k es to s ta rt th e o ld tr u ck .

I d riv e to F aris h S tr e et w it h a la w n m ow er in th e b ack a nd a r u ste d -o ut flo orb oard . U nd er m y fe et, I can s e e fla sh es o f p avem ent w hiz b y. B ut a t le ast I 'm n o t p ullin g a tr a cto r.

Aib ile en o pens th e d oor a nd I c o m e in . I n th e b ack c o rn er o f th e liv in g r o om , M in ny s ta nd s w it h h er arm s c ro sse d o ver h er h uge b oso m . I 'v e m et h er th e fe w tim es H illy a llo w ed M is su s W alt e rs to h o st brid ge c lu b . M in ny a nd A ib ile en a re b oth s till in th eir w hit e u nif o rm s.

"H ello ," I s a y fr o m m y s id e o f th e r o om . " G ood to s e e y o u a gain ." "M is s S keete r." M in ny n o ds. S he s e ttle s in a w ooden c hair A ib ile en h as b ro ught o ut fr o m th e kit c hen, a nd th e fr a m e c re ak s. I s it o n th e fa r e nd o f th e s o fa . A ib ile en s it s o n th e o th er e nd o f th e so fa , b etw een u s.

I c le ar m y th ro at, p ro duce a n erv o us s m ile . M in ny d oesn 't s m ile b ack . S he is fa t a nd s h o rt a nd str o ng. H er s k in is b la ck er th an A ib ile en's b y te n s h ad es, a nd s h in y a nd ta ut, lik e a p air o f n ew pate nt s h o es.

"I a lr e ad y to ld M in ny h o w w e d oin g th e s to rie s," A ib ile en s a ys to m e. " Y ou h elp in g m e w rit e m in e.

And h ers s h e g o ne te ll y o u, w hile y o u w rit e it d ow n." "A nd M in ny, e very th in g y o u s a y h ere is in c o nfid ence," I s a y. " Y ou'll g et to r e ad e very th in g w e--" "W hat m ak es y o u th in k c o lo re d p eo ple n eed y o ur h elp ?" M in ny s ta nd s u p , c hair s c ra p in g. " W hy y o u even c are a b out th is ? Y ou whit e ." I lo ok a t A ib ile en. I 'v e n ever h ad a c o lo re d p ers o n s p eak to m e th is w ay.

"W e a ll w ork in g fo r th e s a m e th in g h ere , M in ny," A ib ile en s a ys. " W e ju st ta lk in g." "A nd w hat th in g is th at? " M in ny s a ys to m e. " M ayb e y o u ju st w ant m e to te ll y o u a ll th is s tu ff s o I g et in tr o ub le ." M in ny p oin ts to th e w in d ow . " M ed gar E vers , th e N AACP o ffic er w ho liv e fiv e m in ute s aw ay, th ey b le w u p h is c arp ort la st n ig ht. F or ta lk in g ." My fa ce is b urn in g r e d . I s p eak s lo w ly . " W e w ant to s h o w y o ur p ers p ectiv e . . . s o p eo ple m ig ht und ers ta nd w hat it 's lik e fr o m y o ur s id e. W e--w e h o pe it m ig ht c hange s o m e th in gs a ro und h ere ." "W hat y o u th in k y o u g o ne c hange w it h th is ? W hat la w y o u w ant to r e fo rm s o it s a y y o u g o t to b e nic e to y o ur m aid ?" "N ow h o ld o n," I s a y, " I'm n o t tr y in g to c hange a ny la w s h ere . I 'm ju st ta lk in g a b out a ttit u d es a nd --" "Y ou k no w w hat'll h ap pen if p eo ple c atc h u s? F org et th e tim e I a ccid enta lly u se th e w ro ng c hangin g ro om d ow n a t M cR ae's w om en's w ear, I 'd h ave guns p oin tin g a t m y h o use ." There 's a s till, tig ht m om ent in th e r o om w it h ju st th e s o und o f th e b ro w n T im ex c lo ck tic k in g o n th e sh elf .

"Y ou d on't h ave to d o th is , M in ny," A ib ile en s a ys. " It's a lr ig ht if y o u w ant a c hange y o ur m in d ." Slo w ly , w arily , M in ny s e ttle s a gain in h er c hair . " I d o it . I ju st w ant a m ak e s u re s h e u nd ers ta nd , th is ain 't n o gam e w e p la yin g h ere ." I g la nce a t A ib ile en. S he n o ds a t m e. I ta k e a d eep b re ath . M y h and s a re s h ak in g. I s ta rt w it h th e b ack gro und q uestio ns a nd s o m eho w w e b ack o ur w ay in to ta lk in g a b out M in ny's work . S he lo oks a t A ib ile en a s s h e ta lk s, lik e s h e's tr y in g to fo rg et I 'm e ven in th e r o om . I r e co rd every th in g s h e s a ys, m y p encil s c ra tc hin g a s fa st a s I c an m ove it . W e th o ught it m ig ht b e le ss fo rm al th an u sin g th e ty p ew rit e r.

"T hen th ey's o ne jo b w here I w ork la te e ver n ig ht. A nd y o u k no w w hat h ap pened ?" "W hat's . . . th at? " I a sk , e ven th o ugh s h e's lo okin g a t A ib ile en.

" Oh, M in ny, " s h e c at- c alls , " yo u t h e b est h elp w e e v er h ad. B ig M in ny, w e g one k eep y o u o n fo re v er.

T hen o ne d ay s h e s a y s h e g o ne g iv e m e a w eek a p aid v acatio n. I a in 't h ad n o v acatio n, paid o r u np aid , in m y e ntir e lif e . A nd w hen I p ull u p a w eek la te r to g o b ack to w ork , th ey g o ne.

Moved to M obile . S he te ll s o m eb ody s h e s c are d I 'd fin d n ew w ork b efo re s h e m ove. M is s L azy Fin gers c o uld n't g o a d ay w it h o ut h avin g a m aid w ait in g o n h er." She s u d denly s ta nd s u p , th ro w s h er b ag o n h er a rm . " I g o t to g o . Y ou g iv in g m e th e h eart palp it a tio ns ta lk in g b out th is ." A nd o ut s h e g o es, s la m min g th e d oor b ehin d h er.

I lo ok u p , w ip e th e s w eat o ff m y te m ple .

"A nd th at w as a g o od m ood," A ib ile en s a ys.

ch ap te r 1 3 F O R T H E N EX T T W O W EEK S, th e th re e o f u s a rra nge o urs e lv es in th e s a m e s e ats in A ib ile en's s m all, w arm liv in g r o om . M in ny s to rm s in m ad , q uie ts d ow n a s s h e te lls A ib ile en h er s to ry , th en r u sh es o ut in a r a ge a s fa st a s s h e c am e in . I w rit e d ow n a s m uch a s I c an.

W hen M in ny la p se s in to n ew s a b out M is s C elia --"S he s n eak in g u p sta ir s , th in k I d on't s e e h er, b ut I k no w , th at c ra zy la d y u p to s o m eth in g"- -sh e a lw ays s to ps h ers e lf , th e w ay A ib ile en d oes w hen s h e s p eak s o f C onsta ntin e. " T hat a in 't p art a m y s to ry . Y ou le ave M is s C elia o ut a th is ." S he w atc hes m e u ntil m y w rit in g s to ps.

B esid es h er fu rio usn ess a t w hit e p eo ple , M in ny lik es to ta lk a b out fo od. " L et's s e e, I p ut th e g re en b eans in fir s t, th en I g o o n a nd g et th e p ork c ho ps g o in g c ause , m mm-m mm, I lik e m y c ho ps h o t o ut t h e p an, y o u k no w ." O ne d ay, w hile s h e's s a yin g, " . . . g o t a w hit e b ab y o n o ne a rm , g re en b eans in th e p ot- -" s h e s to ps.

C ock s h er ja w a t m e. T ap s h er fo ot.

" H alf th is s tu ff d on't h ave n o th in g to d o w it h c o lo re d r ig hts . A in 't b ut d ay-to -d ay b usin ess." S he e yes m e u p a nd d ow n. " L ook to m e lik e y o u ju st w rit in g lif e ." I s to p m y p encil. S he's r ig ht. I r e aliz e th at's ju st w hat I w ante d to d o. I te ll h er, " I h o pe s o ." S he g ets u p a nd s a ys s h e's g o t m ore im porta nt th in gs to w orry a b out th an w hat I 'm h o pin g fo r.

T H E N EX T E V EN IN G, I 'm w ork in g u p sta ir s in m y r o om , b angin g th e k eys o n m y C oro na.

S ud denly I h ear M oth er h it th e s ta ir s r u nnin g. I n tw o s e co nd s s h e's m ad e it in m y r o om . " E ugenia !" s h e w his p ers .

I s ta nd s o fa st m y c hair te ete rs , tr y in g to g uard th e c o nte nts o f m y ty p ew rit e r. " Y es m a'a m ?" " N ow d on't p anic b ut th ere is a m an--a v ery ta ll m an--d ow nsta ir s to s e e y o u." " W ho ?" " H e s a ys h is n am e is S tu art Whit w orth ." " W hat? " " H e s a id y 'a ll s p ent a n e venin g to geth er a w hile b ack b ut h o w c an th at b e, I d id n't k no w a nyth in g--" " C hris t." " D on't ta k e th e L ord 's n am e in v ain , E ugenia P hela n. J u st p ut s o m e lip stic k o n." " B elie ve m e, M am a," I s a y, p uttin g o n lip stic k a nyw ay. " J e su s w ould n't lik e h im e it h er." I b ru sh m y h air b ecause I k no w it 's a w fu l. I e ven w ash th e ty p ew rit e r in k a nd c o rre ctin g flu id o ff m y h and s a nd e lb ow s. B ut I w on't c hange c lo th es, n o t fo r h im .

M oth er g iv es m e a q uic k u p a nd d ow n in m y d ungare es a nd D ad dy's o ld b utto n-u p w hit e s h ir t. " Is he a G re enw ood W hit w orth o r a N atc hez? " "H e's th e s ta te s e nato r's s o n." Moth er's ja w d ro ps s o fa r it h it s h er s tr in g o f p earls . I g o d ow n th e s ta ir s , p ast th e a sse m bly o f o ur child ho od p ortr a it s . P ic tu re s o f C arlt o n lin e th e w all, ta k en u p u ntil a b out th e d ay b efo re y este rd ay.

Pic tu re s o f m e s to p w hen I w as tw elv e. " M oth er, g iv e u s s o m e p riv acy." I w atc h a s s h e s lo w ly d ra gs hers e lf b ack to h er r o om , g la ncin g o ver h er s h o uld er b efo re s h e d is a p pears .

I w alk o ut o nto th e p orc h, a nd th ere h e is . T hre e m onth s a fte r o ur d ate , th ere is S tu art W hit w orth him se lf , s ta nd in g o n m y fr o nt p orc h in k hak i p ants a nd a b lu e c o at a nd a r e d tie lik e h e's r e ad y fo r Sund ay d in ner.

Assh o le .

"W hat b rin gs y o u h ere ?" I a sk . I d on't s m ile th o ugh. I 'm n o t s m ilin g a t h im .

"I ju st . . . I w ante d to d ro p b y." "W ell. C an I g et y o u a d rin k ?" I a sk . " O r s h o uld I ju st g et y o u th e e ntir e b ottle o f O ld K entu ck y?" He fr o w ns. H is n o se a nd fo re head a re p in k , lik e h e's b een w ork in g in th e s u n. " L ook, I k no w it w as . . . a lo ng w hile b ack , b ut I c am e o ut h ere to s a y I 'm s o rry ." "W ho s e nt y o u--H illy ? W illia m ?" T here a re e ig ht e m pty r o ck in g c hair s o n m y p orc h. I d on't a sk h im to s it in a ny o f th em .

He lo oks o ff a t th e w est c o tto n fie ld w here th e s u n is d ip pin g in to th e d ir t. H e s h o ves h is h and s dow n in h is fr o nt p ock ets lik e a tw elv e-y ear- o ld b oy. " I k no w I w as... r u d e th at n ig ht, a nd I 'v e b een th in k in g a b out it a lo t a nd . . ." I la ugh th en. I 'm ju st s o e m barra sse d th at h e w ould c o m e o ut h ere a nd h ave m e r e liv e it .

"N ow lo ok," h e s a ys, " I to ld H illy te n tim es I w asn 't r e ad y to g o o ut o n a ny d ate . I w asn 't e ven c lo se to b ein g r e ad y . . ." I g rit m y te eth . I c an't belie v e I fe el th e h eat o f te ars ; th e d ate w as m onth s a go . B ut I r e m em ber h o w se co nd hand I 'd fe lt th at n ig ht, h o w r id ic ulo usly fix ed u p I 'd g o tte n fo r h im . " T hen w hy'd y o u e ven sh o w u p ?" "I d on't k no w ." H e s h ak es h is h ead . " Y ou k no w h o w H illy c an b e." I s ta nd th ere w ait in g fo r w hate ver it is h e's h ere fo r. H e r u ns a h and th ro ugh h is lig ht b ro w n h air . I t is alm ost w ir y it 's s o th ic k . H e lo oks tir e d .

I lo ok a w ay b ecause h e's c ute in a n o verg ro w n b oy k in d o f w ay a nd it 's n o t s o m eth in g I w ant to b e th in k in g r ig ht n o w . I w ant h im to le ave--I d on't w ant to fe el th is a w fu l fe elin g a gain , y et I h ear m yse lf sa yin g, " W hat d o y o u m ean, n o t r e ad y?" "J u st n o t r e ad y. N ot a fte r w hat h ap pened ." I s ta re a t h im . " Y ou w ant m e to g uess? " "M e a nd P atr ic ia v an D evend er. W e g o t e ngaged la st y ear a nd th en . . . I th o ught y o u k new ." He s in k s d ow n in a r o ck in g c hair . I d on't s it n ext to h im . B ut I d on't te ll h im to le ave e it h er.

"W hat, s h e r a n o ff w it h s o m eo ne e ls e ?" "S ho ot." H e d ro ps h is h ead d ow n in to h is h and s, m um ble s, " T hat'd b e a g o ddam n M ard i G ra s p arty co m pare d to w hat h ap pened ." I d on't le t m yse lf s a y to h im w hat I 'd lik e to , th at h e p ro bab ly d ese rv ed w hate ver s h e d id , b ut h e's ju st to o p ath etic -lo okin g. N ow th at a ll h is g o od o le b oy, to ugh b ourb on ta lk h as e vap ora te d , I wond er if h e's th is p ath etic a ll th e tim e.

"W e'd b een d atin g s in ce w e w ere fif te en. Y ou k no w h o w it is , w hen y o u'v e b een s te ad y w it h so m eb ody th at lo ng." And I d on't k no w w hy I a d m it th is , e xcep t th at I s im ply h ave n o th in g to lo se . " A ctu ally , I w ould n't kno w ," I s a y. " I'v e n ever d ate d a nyb ody." He lo oks u p a t m e, k in d o f la ughs. " W ell, th at m ust b e it , th en." "B e w hat? " I s te el m yse lf , r e callin g fe rtiliz e r a nd tr a cto r r e fe re nces.

"Y ou'r e . . . d if fe re nt. I 'v e n ever m et a nyb ody th at s a id e xactly w hat th ey w ere th in k in g. N ot a wom an, a nyw ay." "B elie ve m e, I h ad a lo t more to s a y." He s ig hs. " W hen I s a w y o ur fa ce, o ut th ere b y th e tr u ck . . . I 'm n o t th at g uy. I 'm r e ally n o t s u ch a je rk ." I lo ok a w ay, e m barra sse d . I t's ju st s ta rtin g to h it m e w hat h e s a id , th at e ven th o ugh I 'm d if fe re nt, mayb e it 's n o t in a s tr a nge w ay o r a n a b no rm al, ta ll- g ir l w ay. B ut m ayb e in a g o od w ay.

"I c am e b y to s e e if y o u'd lik e to c o m e d ow nto w n w it h m e fo r s u p per. W e c o uld ta lk ," h e s a ys a nd sta nd s u p . " W e c o uld ... I d on't k no w , lis te n to e ach o th er th is tim e." I s ta nd th ere , s h o ck ed . H is e yes a re b lu e a nd c le ar a nd fix ed o n m e lik e m y a nsw er m ig ht r e ally mean s o m eth in g to h im . I ta k e in a d eep b re ath , a b out to s a y y es--I m ean, w hy w ould I o f a ll p eo ple re fu se --a nd h e b it e s h is b otto m lip , w ait in g.

And th en I th in k a b out h o w h e tr e ate d m e lik e I w as n o th in g. H ow h e g o t s h it - d og d ru nk h e w as s o mis e ra b le to b e s tu ck w it h m e. I th in k a b out h o w h e to ld m e I s m elle d lik e fe rtiliz e r. I t to ok m e th re e month s to s to p th in k in g a b out th at c o m ment.

"N o," I b lu rt o ut. " T hank y o u. B ut I r e ally c an't im agin e a nyth in g w ors e ." He n o ds, lo oks d ow n a t h is fe et. T hen h e g o es d ow n th e p orc h s te p s.

"I'm s o rry ," h e s a ys, th e d oor to h is c ar o pen. " T hat's w hat I c am e to s a y a nd , w ell, I g uess I s a id it ." I s ta nd o n th e p orc h, lis te nin g to th e h o llo w s o und s o f th e e venin g, g ra vel u nd er S tu art's s h if tin g fe et, dogs m ovin g in th e e arly d ark ness. F or a s e co nd , I r e m em ber C harle s G ra y, m y o nly k is s in a lif e tim e. H ow I 'd p ulle d a w ay, s o m eho w s u re th e k is s h ad n't b een in te nd ed fo r m e.

Stu art g ets in h is c ar a nd h is d oor c lic k s s h ut. H e p ro ps h is a rm u p s o h is e lb ow p okes th ro ugh th e open w in d ow . B ut h e k eep s h is e yes tu rn ed d ow n.

"J u st g iv e m e a m in ute ," I h o lle r o ut to h im . " L et m e g et m y s w eate r." NO O NE T ELLS u s, g ir ls w ho d on't g o o n d ate s, th at r e m em berin g c an b e a lm ost a s g o od a s w hat actu ally h ap pens. M oth er c lim bs a ll th e w ay to th e th ir d flo or a nd s ta nd s o ver m e in m y b ed , b ut I act lik e I 'm s till a sle ep . B ecause I ju st w ant to r e m em ber it a w hile .

We'd d riv en to th e R obert E . L ee fo r d in ner la st n ig ht. I 'd th ro w n o n a lig ht b lu e s w eate r a nd a s lim whit e s k ir t. I 'd e ven le t M oth er b ru sh o ut m y h air , tr y in g to d ro w n o ut h er n erv o us, c o m plic ate d in str u ctio ns.

"A nd d on't fo rg et to s m ile . M en d on't w ant a g ir l w ho 's m opin g a ro und a ll n ig ht, a nd d on't s it lik e so m e s q uaw I n d ia n, c ro ss y o ur- -" "W ait , m y le gs o r m y a nk --" "Y our a nk le s. D on't y o u r e m em ber a nyth in g fr o m M is su s R heim er's e tiq uette c la ss? A nd ju st g o ahead a nd lie a nd te ll h im y o u g o to c hurc h e very S und ay, a nd w hate ver y o u d o, d o n o t c ru nch y o ur ic e a t th e ta b le , it 's a w fu l. O h, a nd if th e c o nvers a tio n s ta rts to la g, y o u te ll h im a b out o ur s e co nd co usin w ho 's a c it y c o uncilm an in K osc iu sk o . . ." As s h e b ru sh ed a nd s m ooth ed a nd b ru sh ed a nd s m ooth ed , M oth er k ep t a sk in g h o w I 'd m et h im a nd what h ap pened o n o ur la st d ate , b ut I m anaged to s c o ot o ut fr o m u nd er h er a nd d ash d ow n th e sta ir s , s h ak in g w it h w ond er a nd n erv o usn ess o f m y o w n. B y th e tim e S tu art a nd I w alk ed in to th e ho te l a nd s a t d ow n a nd p ut o ur n ap kin s in o ur la p , th e w ait e r s a id th ey'd b e c lo sin g s o on. A ll th ey'd se rv e u s w as d esse rt.

Then S tu art h ad g o tte n q uie t.

"W hat . . . d o y o u w ant, S keete r? " h e'd a sk ed a nd I 'd s o rt o f te nse d u p th en, h o pin g h e w asn 't pla nnin g o n g ettin g d ru nk a gain .

"I'll h ave a C o-C ola . L ots o f ic e." "N o." H e s m ile d . " I m ean . . . in lif e . W hat d o y o u w ant? " I to ok a d eep b re ath , k no w in g w hat M oth er w ould a d vis e m e to s a y: fin e, s tr o ng k id s, a h usb and to ta k e c are o f, s h in y n ew a p plia nces to c o ok ta sty y et h ealt h fu l m eals in . " I w ant to b e a w rit e r," I s a id .

"A jo urn alis t. M ayb e a n o velis t. M ayb e b oth ." He lif te d h is c hin a nd lo oked a t m e th en, r ig ht in th e e ye.

"I lik e th at," h e s a id , a nd th en h e ju st k ep t s ta rin g. " I'v e b een th in k in g a b out y o u. Y ou'r e s m art, yo u'r e p re tty , y o u'r e "- -h e s m ile d --"ta ll. " Pre tty ?

We a te s tr a w berry s o uffle s a nd h ad o ne g la ss o f C hab lis a p ie ce. H e ta lk ed a b out h o w to te ll if th ere 's o il u nd ern eath a c o tto n fie ld a nd I ta lk ed a b out h o w th e r e cep tio nis t a nd I w ere th e o nly fe m ale s w ork in g fo r th e p ap er.

"I h o pe y o u w rit e s o m eth in g r e ally g o od. S om eth in g y o u b elie ve in ." "T hank y o u. I . . . h o pe s o to o." I d on't s a y a nyth in g a b out A ib ile en o r M is su s S te in .

I h aven't h ad th e c hance to lo ok a t to o m any m en's fa ces u p c lo se a nd I n o tic ed h o w h is s k in w as th ic k er th an m in e a nd a g o rg eo us s h ad e o f to ast; th e s tif f b lo nd h air s o n h is c heek s a nd c hin s e em ed to b e g ro w in g b efo re m y e yes. H e s m elle d lik e s ta rc h. L ik e p in e. H is n o se w asn 't s o p oin ty a fte r a ll.

The w ait e r y aw ned in th e c o rn er b ut w e b oth ig no re d h im a nd s ta yed a nd ta lk ed s o m e m ore . A nd by th e tim e I w as w is h in g I 'd w ash ed m y h air th is m orn in g in ste ad o f ju st b ath ed a nd w as p ra ctic ally doub le d o ver w it h g ra te fu ln ess th at I 'd a t le ast b ru sh ed m y te eth , o ut o f th e b lu e, h e k is se d m e. R ig ht in th e m id dle o f th e R obert E . L ee H ote l R esta ura nt, h e k is se d m e s o s lo w ly w it h a n o pen m outh and e very s in gle th in g in m y b ody--m y s k in , m y c o lla rb one, th e h o llo w b ack s o f m y k nees, every th in g in sid e o f m e fille d u p w it h lig ht.

On a M ONDAY A FTER N OON, a fe w w eek s a fte r m y d ate w it h S tu art, I s to p b y th e lib ra ry befo re g o in g to th e L eague m eetin g. I n sid e, it s m ells lik e g ra d e s c ho ol- -b ore d om , p aste , L yso le d vo m it . I 'v e c o m e to g et m ore b ooks fo r A ib ile en a nd c heck if a nyth in g's e ver b een w rit te n a b out dom estic h elp .

"W ell h ey th ere , S keete r!" Je su s. I t's S usie P ern ell. I n h ig h s c ho ol, s h e c o uld 'v e b een v o te d m ost lik ely to ta lk to o m uch. " H ey .

. . S usie . W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?" "I'm w ork in g h ere fo r th e L eague c o m mit te e, r e m em ber? Y ou r e ally o ught to g et o n it , S keete r, it 's re al fu n! Y ou g et to r e ad a ll th e la te st m agazin es a nd file th in gs a nd e ven la m in ate th e lib ra ry c ard s." Susie p ose s b y th e g ia nt b ro w n m achin e lik e s h e's o n The P ric e I s R ig ht te le vis io n s h o w .

"H ow n ew a nd e xcit in g." "S o, w hat m ay I h elp y o u fin d to day, m a'a m ? W e h ave m urd er m yste rie s, r o m ance n o vels , h o w -to mak eup b ooks, h o w -to hair b ooks," s h e p ause s, je rk s o ut a s m ile , " ro se g ard enin g, h o m e deco ra tin g--" "I'm ju st b ro w sin g, th ank s." I h urry o ff. I 'll fe nd fo r m yse lf in th e s ta ck s. T here is n o w ay I c an te ll her w hat I 'm lo okin g fo r. I c an a lr e ad y h ear h er w his p erin g a t th e L eague m eetin gs, I k new t h ere was s o m eth in g n ot r ig ht a bout t h at S keete r P hela n, h untin g f o r t h ose N eg ro m ate ria ls ...

I s e arc h th ro ugh c ard c ata lo gues a nd s c an th e s h elv es, b ut fin d n o th in g a b out d om estic w ork ers . I n no nfic tio n, I s p ot a s in gle c o py o f Fre d eric k D ougla ss, a n A m eric a n S la ve.

I g ra b it , e xcit e d to deliv er it to A ib ile en, b ut w hen I o pen it , I s e e th e m id dle s e ctio n h as b een r ip ped o ut. I n sid e, so m eo ne h as w rit te n N IG GER B O OK in p urp le c ra yo n. I a m n o t a s d is tu rb ed b y th e w ord s a s b y th e fa ct th at th e h and w rit in g lo oks lik e a th ir d g ra d er's . I g la nce a ro und , p ush th e b ook in m y s a tc hel.

It s e em s b ette r th an p uttin g it b ack o n th e s h elf .

In th e M is sis sip pi H is to ry r o om , I s e arc h fo r a nyth in g r e m ote ly r e se m blin g r a ce r e la tio ns. I fin d o nly Civ il W ar b ooks, m ap s, a nd o ld p ho ne b ooks. I s ta nd o n tip to e to s e e w hat's o n th e h ig h s h elf .

That's w hen I s p ot a b ookle t, la id s id ew ays a cro ss th e to p o f th e Mis sis sip pi R iv er V alle y F lo od In dex .

A r e gula r- siz e d p ers o n w ould n ever h ave s e en it . I s lid e it d ow n to g la nce a t th e c o ver. T he bookle t is th in , p rin te d o n o nio nsk in p ap er, c urlin g, b ound w it h s ta p le s. " C om pila tio n o f J im C ro w Law s o f th e S outh ," th e c o ver r e ad s. I o pen th e n o is y c o ver p age.

The b ookle t is s im ply a lis t o f la w s s ta tin g w hat c o lo re d p eo ple c an a nd c anno t d o, in a n a sso rtm ent of S outh ern s ta te s. I s k im th e fir s t p age, p uzzle d w hy th is is h ere . T he la w s a re n eit h er th re ate nin g no r fr ie nd ly , ju st c it in g th e fa cts :

No p erso n s h all r e q uir e a ny w hit e f e m ale t o n urse in w ard s o r r o om s in w hic h n eg ro m en a re pla ced .

It s h all b e u nla w fu l f o r a w hit e p erso n t o m arry a nyo ne e x cep t a w hit e p erso n. A ny m arria ge in v io la tio n o f t h is s e ctio n s h all b e v oid .

No c o lo re d b arb er s h all s e rv e a s a b arb er t o w hit e w om en o r g ir ls .

The o ffic er in c h arg e s h all n ot b ury a ny c o lo re d p erso ns u pon g ro und u se d f o r t h e b uria l o f whit e p erso ns.

Books s h all n ot b e in te rc h angea ble b etw een t h e w hit e a nd c o lo re d s c h ools , b ut s h all c o ntin ue to b e u se d b y t h e r a ce f ir st u sin g t h em .

I r e ad th ro ugh fo ur o f th e tw enty -fiv e p ages, m esm eriz e d b y h o w m any la w s e xis t to s e p ara te u s.

Negro es a nd w hit e s a re n o t a llo w ed to s h are w ate r fo unta in s, m ovie h o use s, p ub lic r e str o om s, ballp ark s, p ho ne b ooth s, c ir c us s h o w s. N egro es c anno t u se th e s a m e p harm acy o r b uy p osta ge sta m ps a t th e s a m e w in d ow a s m e. I th in k a b out C onsta ntin e, th e tim e m y fa m ily to ok h er to Mem phis w it h u s a nd th e h ig hw ay h ad m ostly w ash ed o ut, b ut w e h ad to d riv e s tr a ig ht o n th ro ugh because w e k new th e h o te ls w ould n't le t h er in . I th in k a b out h o w n o o ne in th e c ar w ould c o m e o ut and s a y it . W e a ll k no w a b out th ese la w s, w e liv e h ere , b ut w e d on't ta lk a b out th em . T his is th e fir s t tim e I 'v e e ver s e en th em w rit te n d ow n.

Lunch c o unte rs , th e s ta te fa ir , p ool ta b le s, h o sp it a ls . N um ber fo rty -se ven I h ave to r e ad tw ic e, fo r it s ir o ny.

The B oard s h all m ain ta in a s e p ara te b uild in g o n s e p ara te g ro unds f o r t h e in str u ctio n o f a ll blin d p erso ns o f t h e c o lo re d r a ce.

Afte r s e vera l m in ute s, I m ak e m yse lf s to p. I s ta rt to p ut th e b ookle t b ack , te llin g m yse lf I 'm n o t writ in g a b ook a b out S outh ern le gis la tio n, th is is a w aste o f m y tim e. B ut th en I r e aliz e , lik e a s h ell cra ck in g o pen in m y h ead , th ere 's n o d if fe re nce b etw een th ese g o vern m ent la w s a nd H illy b uild in g Aib ile en a b ath ro om in th e g ara ge, e xcep t te n m in ute s' w orth o f s ig natu re s in th e s ta te c ap it a l.

On th e la st p age, I s e e th e p ic a ty p e th at r e ad s Pro perty o f M is sis sip pi L aw L ib ra ry.

T he b ookle t was r e tu rn ed to th e w ro ng b uild in g. I s c ra tc h m y r e vela tio n o n a p ie ce o f p ap er a nd tu ck it in sid e th e bookle t:

Jim C ro w o r H illy 's b ath ro om p la n--w hat's t h e d if fe re n ce?

I s lip it in m y b ag. S usie sn eeze s b ehin d th e d esk a cro ss th e r o om .

I h ead fo r th e d oors . I h ave a L eague m eetin g in th ir ty m in ute s. I g iv e S usie a n e xtr a fr ie nd ly s m ile .

She's w his p erin g in to th e p ho ne. T he s to le n b ooks in m y b ag fe el lik e th ey'r e p uls in g w it h h eat.

"S keete r," S usie h is se s fr o m th e d esk , e yes w id e. " D id I r e ally h ear yo u h ave b een s e ein g S tu art Whit w orth ?" S he p uts a b it to o m uch e m phasis o n th e yo u fo r m e to k eep u p m y s m ile . I a ct lik e I don't h ear h er a nd w alk o ut in to th e b rig ht s u nsh in e. I 'v e n ever s to le n a th in g in m y lif e b efo re to day.

I'm a lit tle s a tis fie d it w as o n S usie 's w atc h.

Our P LA CES O f C O M FO RT A RE e xp ecte d ly d if fe re nt, m y fr ie nd s a nd I . E liz a b eth 's is h unched over h er s e w in g m achin e tr y in g to m ak e h er lif e lo ok s e am le ss, s to re -b ought. M in e is a t m y ty p ew rit e r w rit in g p it h y th in gs I 'll n ever h ave th e g uts to s a y o ut lo ud . A nd H illy 's is b ehin d a p odiu m te llin g s ix ty -fiv e w om en th at th re e c ans a p ie ce is n 't e no ugh to fe ed a ll th o se P SC As. T he P oor Sta rv in g C hild re n o f A fr ic a, th at is . M ary J o lin e W alk er, h o w ever, th in k s th re e is p le nty .

"A nd is n 't it k in d o f e xp ensiv e, c artin g a ll th is tin a cro ss th e w orld to E th io pia ?" M ary J o lin e a sk s. "D oesn 't it m ak e m ore s e nse ju st to s e nd th em a c heck ?" The m eetin g h as n o t o ffic ia lly s ta rte d , b ut H illy 's a lr e ad y b ehin d h er p odiu m . T here 's a fr a ntic ness in her e yes. T his is n 't o ur n o rm al e venin g tim e, b ut a n e xtr a a fte rn o on s e ssio n H illy 's c alle d . I n J u ne, many o f th e m em bers a re g o in g o ut o f to w n fo r s u m mer v acatio ns. T hen, in J u ly , H illy le aves fo r h er annual tr ip d ow n to th e c o ast fo r th re e w eek s. I t's g o in g to b e h ard fo r h er to tr u st a n e ntir e to w n to opera te p ro perly w it h o ut h er h ere .

Hilly r o lls h er e yes. " Y ou c anno t g iv e th ese tr ib al p eo ple m oney, M ary J o lin e. T here is n o J it n ey 1 4 Gro cery in th e O gad en D ese rt. A nd h o w w ould w e k no w if th ey'r e e ven fe ed in g th eir k id s w it h it ?

They'r e lik ely to g o to th e lo cal v o odoo te nt a nd g et a s a ta nic ta tto o w it h o ur m oney." "A lr ig ht." M ary J o lin e te ete rs o ff, fla t- fa ced , b ra in w ash ed -lo okin g. " I g uess y o u k no w b est." I t is th is bug-e yed e ffe ct H illy h as o n p eo ple th at m ak es h er s u ch a s u ccessfu l L eague p re sid ent.

I m ak e m y w ay a cro ss th e c ro w ded m eetin g r o om , fe elin g th e w arm th o f a tte ntio n, a s if a b eam o f lig ht is s h in in g d ow n o n m y h ead . T he r o om is fu ll o f c ak e-e atin g, T ab -d rin k in g, c ig are tte -sm okin g wom en a ll a b out m y a ge. S om e a re w his p erin g to e ach o th er, g la ncin g m y w ay.

" Skeete r, " L iz a P re sle y s a ys b efo re I m ak e it p ast th e c o ffe e u rn s, " d id I h ear y o u w ere a t th e R obert E. L ee a fe w w eek s a go ?" "Is th at r ig ht? A re y o u r e ally s e ein g S tu art W hit w orth ?" s a ys F ra nces G re enb ow .

Most o f th e q uestio ns a re n o t u nk in d , n o t lik e S usie 's a t th e lib ra ry . S till, I s h ru g, tr y n o t to n o tic e ho w w hen a r e gula r g ir l g ets a sk ed o ut, it 's in fo rm atio n, b ut w hen S keete r P hela n g ets a sk ed o ut, it 's new s.

But it 's tr u e. I a m s e ein g S tu art W hit w orth a nd h ave b een fo r th re e w eek s n o w . T w ic e a t th e R obert E. L ee if y o u in clu d e th e d is a ste r d ate , a nd th re e m ore tim es s it tin g o n m y fr o nt p orc h fo r d rin k s befo re h e d ro ve h o m e to V ic k sb urg . M y fa th er e ven s ta yed u p p ast e ig ht o 'c lo ck to s p eak to h im .

"N ig ht, s o n. Y ou te ll th e S enato r w e s u re d o a p pre cia te h im s to m pin g o ut th at fa rm ta x b ill. " Moth er's b een tr e m blin g, to rn b etw een th e te rro r th at I 'll s c re w it u p a nd g le e th at I a ctu ally lik e men.

The w hit e s p otlig ht o f w ond er fo llo w s m e a s I m ak e m y w ay to H illy . G ir ls a re s m ilin g a nd n o ddin g at m e.

"W hen w ill y 'a ll s e e e ach o th er a gain ?" T his is E liz a b eth n o w , tw is tin g a n ap kin , e yes w id e lik e s h e's sta rin g a t a c ar a ccid ent. " D id h e s a y?" "T om orro w n ig ht. A s s o on a s h e c an d riv e o ver." "G ood." H illy 's s m ile is a fa t c hild 's a t th e S eale -L ily I c e C re am w in d ow . T he b utto n o n h er r e d su it c o at b ulg es. " W e'll m ak e it a d oub le d ate , th en." I d on't a nsw er. I d on't w ant H illy a nd W illia m c o m in g a lo ng. I ju st w ant to s it w it h S tu art, h ave h im lo ok a t m e a nd o nly m e. T w ic e, w hen w e w ere a lo ne, h e b ru sh ed m y h air b ack w hen it fe ll in m y eyes. H e m ig ht n o t b ru sh m y h air b ack if th ey'r e a ro und . "W illia m 'll te le p ho ne S tu art to nig ht. L et's g o to th e p ic tu re s h o w ." "A lr ig ht," I s ig h.

"I'm ju st d yin g to s e e It's a M ad, M ad, M ad, M ad W orld .

W on't th is b e fu n," H illy s a ys. " Y ou a nd me a nd W illia m a nd S tu art." It s tr ik es m e a s s u sp ic io us, th e w ay s h e's a rra nged th e n am es. A s if th e p oin t w ere fo r W illia m a nd Stu art to b e to geth er in ste ad o f m e a nd S tu art. I k no w I 'm b ein g p ara no id . B ut e very th in g m ak es m e wary n o w . T w o n ig hts a go , a s s o on a s I c ro sse d o ver th e c o lo re d b rid ge, I w as s to pped b y a polic em an. H e s h o ne h is fla sh lig ht in th e tr u ck , le t it s h in e o n th e s a tc hel. H e a sk ed fo r m y lic ense and w here I w as g o in g. " I'm ta k in g a c heck to m y m aid . . . C onsta ntin e. I fo rg o t to p ay h er." Ano th er c o p p ulle d u p , c am e to m y w in d ow . " W hy d id y o u s to p m e?" I a sk ed , m y v o ic e s o und in g ab out te n p it c hes to o h ig h. " D id s o m eth in g h ap pen?" I a sk ed . M y h eart w as s la m min g a gain st m y chest. W hat if th ey lo oked in m y s a tc hel?

"S om e Y ank ee tr a sh s tir rin g u p tr o ub le . W e'll c atc h e m , m a'a m ," h e s a id , p attin g h is b illy c lu b . " D o yo ur b usin ess a nd g et b ack o ver th e b rid ge." When I g o t to A ib ile en's s tr e et, I p ark ed e ven fa rth er d ow n th e b lo ck . I w alk ed a ro und to h er b ack door in ste ad o f u sin g th e fr o nt. I s h o ok s o b ad fo r th e fir s t h o ur, I c o uld h ard ly r e ad th e q uestio ns I 'd writ te n fo r M in ny.

Hilly g iv es th e fiv e-m in ute -till b ang w it h h er g avel. I m ak e m y w ay to m y c hair , lu g m y s a tc hel o nto my la p . I tic k th ro ugh th e c o nte nts , s u d denly c o nsc io us o f th e J im C ro w b ookle t I s to le fr o m th e lib ra ry . I n fa ct, m y s a tc hel h o ld s a ll th e w ork w e'v e d one--A ib ile en a nd M in ny's in te rv ie w s, th e b ook outlin e, a lis t o f p ote ntia l m aid s, a s c ath in g, u nm aile d r e sp onse I w ro te to H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e-- every th in g I c an't le ave a t h o m e fo r fe ar M oth er w ill s n o op th ro ugh m y th in gs. I k eep it a ll in a s id e zip -p ock et w it h a fla p o ver it . I t b ulg es u nevenly .

"S keete r, th o se p oplin p ants a re ju st th e c ute st th in g, w hy h aven't I s e en th o se b efo re ?" C arro ll Rin ger s a ys a fe w c hair s a w ay a nd I lo ok u p a t h er a nd s m ile , th in k in g Beca use I w ould n't d are wea r o ld c lo th es t o a m eetin g a nd n eit h er w ould y o u.

C lo th in g q uestio ns ir rit a te m e a fte r s o many y ears o f M oth er h o und in g m e.

I fe el a h and o n m y o th er s h o uld er a nd tu rn to fin d H illy w it h h er fin ger in m y s a tc hel, r ig ht o n th e bookle t. " D o y o u h ave th e n o te s fo r n ext w eek 's n ew sle tte r? A re th ese th em ?" I h ad n't e ven s e en her c o m in g.

"N o, w ait ! " I s a y a nd e ase th e b ookle t b ack in to m y p ap ers . " I n eed to ... to c o rre ct o ne th in g. I 'll brin g th em to y o u a lit tle la te r." I ta k e a d eep b re ath .

At th e p odiu m , H illy lo oks a t h er w atc h, to yin g w it h th e g avel lik e s h e's ju st d yin g to b ang it . I p ush my s a tc hel u nd er m y c hair . F in ally , th e m eetin g b egin s.

I r e co rd th e P SC A n ew s, w ho 's o n th e tr o ub le lis t, w ho 's n o t b ro ught in th eir c ans. T he c ale nd ar o f events is fu ll o f c o m mit te e m eetin gs a nd b ab y s h o w ers , a nd I s h if t a ro und in m y w ooden c hair , ho pin g th e m eetin g w ill e nd s o on. I h ave to g et M oth er's c ar b ack to h er b y th re e.

It's n o t u ntil a q uarte r till, a n h o ur a nd a h alf la te r, th at I r u sh o ut o f th e h o t r o om to w ard th e C ad illa c.

I'll b e o n th e tr o ub le lis t fo r le avin g e arly , b ut J e su s C hris t, w hat's w ors e , th e w ra th o f M oth er o r th e wra th o f H illy ?

I W alk I N TO T H E H O USE fiv e m in ute s e arly , h um min g " L ove M e D o," th in k in g I o ught to g o b uy a s h o rt s k ir t lik e J e nny F oush ee w ore to day. S he s a id s h e'd g o tte n it u p in N ew Y ork C it y a t Berg d orf G oodm an's . M oth er w ould k eel o ver if I s h o w ed u p w it h a s k ir t a b ove th e k nee w hen Stu art p ic k s m e u p o n S atu rd ay.

"M am a, I 'm h o m e," I c all d ow n th e h allw ay.

I p ull a C o-C ola fr o m th e fr id ge, s ig h a nd s m ile , fe elin g g o od, s tr o ng. I h ead to th e fr o nt d oor fo r m y sa tc hel, r e ad y to th re ad to geth er m ore o f M in ny's s to rie s. I c an te ll s h e is it c hin g to ta lk a b out C elia Foote , b ut s h e a lw ays s to ps a fte r a m in ute o f it a nd c hanges th e s u b je ct. T he p ho ne r in gs a nd I answ er it , b ut it 's fo r P asc ago ula . I ta k e a m essa ge o n th e p ad . I t's Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid .

"H ey, Y ule M ay," I s a y, th in k in g w hat a s m all to w n th is is . " I'll g iv e h er th e m essa ge w hen s h e g ets back ." I le an a m in ute a gain st th e c o unte r, w is h in g C onsta ntin e w as h ere lik e it u se d to b e. H ow I 'd lo ve to s h are e very s in gle th in g a b out m y d ay w it h h er.

I s ig h a nd fin is h m y C oke a nd th en g o to th e fr o nt d oor fo r m y s a tc hel. I t's n o t th ere . I g o o uts id e and lo ok in th e c ar b ut it 's n o t th ere e it h er.

Huh, I th in k a nd h ead u p th e s ta ir s , fe elin g le ss p in k n o w and m ore o f a p ale y ello w . D id I g o u p sta ir s y et? I s c o ur m y r o om , b ut it 's n o w here to b e fo und .

Fin ally , I s ta nd s till in m y q uie t b ed ro om , a s lo w tin gle o f p anic w ork in g it s w ay u p m y s p in e. T he sa tc hel, it h as ev ery th in g in it .

Moth er, I th in k a nd I d ash d ow nsta ir s a nd lo ok in th e r e la xin g r o om . B ut s u d denly I r e aliz e it 's n o t Moth er w ho h as it - -th e a nsw er h as c o m e to m e, n um bin g m y e ntir e b ody. I le ft m y s a tc hel a t th e League H ouse . I w as in s u ch a h urry to g et M oth er's c ar h o m e. A nd e ven a s th e p ho ne is r in gin g, I alr e ad y k no w it is H illy o n th e e nd o f th at lin e.

I g ra b th e p ho ne fr o m th e w all. M oth er c alls g o odbye fr o m th e fr o nt d oor.

"H ello ?" "H ow c o uld y o u le ave th is h eavy th in g b ehin d ?" H illy a sk s. H illy n ever h as h ad a p ro ble m w it h g o in g th ro ugh o th er p eo ple 's th in gs. I n fa ct, s h e e njo ys it .

"M oth er, w ait a s e co nd !" I h o lle r fr o m th e k it c hen.

"G ood L ord , S keete r, w hat's in h ere ?" H illy s a ys. I 'v e g o t to c atc h M oth er, b ut H illy 's v o ic e is muffle d , lik e s h e's b end in g d ow n, o penin g it .

"N oth in g! J u st . . . a ll th o se M is s M yrn a le tte rs , y o u k no w ." "W ell, I 'v e lu gged it b ack to m y h o use s o c o m e o n b y a nd g et it w hen y o u c an." Moth er is s ta rtin g th e c ar o uts id e. " J u st . . . k eep it th ere . I 'll b e b y a s s o on a s I c an g et th ere ." I r a ce o uts id e b ut M oth er's a lr e ad y d ow n th e la ne. I lo ok o ver a nd th e o ld tr u ck 's g o ne to o, to tin g co tto n s e ed s o m ew here in th e fie ld s. T he d re ad in m y s to m ach is fla t a nd h ard a nd h o t, lik e a b ric k in th e s u n.

Dow n b y th e r o ad , I w atc h th e C ad illa c s lo w , th en je rk to a s to p. T hen it g o es a gain . T hen s to ps.

Then s lo w ly r e vers e s a nd z ig za gs it s w ay b ack u p th e h ill. B y th e g ra ce o f a g o d I n ever r e ally lik ed , much le ss b elie ved in , m y m oth er is a ctu ally c o m in g back .

"I c an't b elie ve I fo rg o t S ue A nne's c asse ro le d is h . . ." I ju m p in th e fr o nt p asse nger s e at, w ait u ntil s h e c lim bs b ack in to th e c ar. S he p uts h er h and s o n th e wheel.

"D riv e m e b y H illy 's ? I n eed to p ic k s o m eth in g u p ." I p re ss m y h and to m y fo re head . " O h G od, hurry , M oth er. B efo re I 'm to o la te ." Moth er's c ar h asn 't m oved . " S keete r, I h ave a m illio n th in gs to d o to day--" The p anic is r is in g u p in m y th ro at. " M am a, p le ase , ju st driv e . . ." But th e D eville s it s in th e g ra vel, tic k in g lik e a tim e b om b.

"N ow lo ok," M oth er s a ys, " I h ave s o m e p ers o nal e rra nd s to r u n a nd I ju st d on't th in k it 's a g o od tim e to h ave y o u ta ggin g a lo ng." "It'll ta k e y o u fiv e m in ute s. J u st d riv e, M am a!" Moth er k eep s h er w hit e -g lo ved h and s o n th e s te erin g w heel, h er lip s p re sse d to geth er.

"I h ap pen to h ave s o m eth in g c o nfid entia l a nd im porta nt to d o to day." I c an't im agin e m y m oth er h as a nyth in g m ore im porta nt to d o th an w hat I 'm s ta rin g d ow n th e th ro at of. " W hat? A M exic an's tr y in g to jo in th e D AR? S om eb ody g o t c aught r e ad in g th e New A m eric a n Dic tio nary ? " Moth er s ig hs, s a ys, " F in e," a nd m oves th e g ear s h if t c are fu lly in to d riv e. " A lr ig ht, h ere w e g o ." W e ro ll d ow n th e la ne a t a b out o ne-te nth o f a m ile a n h o ur, p uttin g a lo ng s o th e g ra vel w on't k no ck a t th e p ain t jo b. A t th e e nd o f th e la ne, s h e p uts o n h er b lin k er lik e s h e's d oin g b ra in s u rg ery a nd cre ep s th e C ad illa c o ut o nto th e C ounty R oad . M y fis ts a re c le nched . I p re ss m y im agin ary accele ra to r. E very tim e's M oth er's fir s t tim e to d riv e.

On th e C ounty R oad , s h e s p eed s u p to fif te en a nd g rip s th e w heel lik e w e'r e d oin g a h und re d a nd fiv e.

"M am a," I fin ally s a y, " ju st le t m e d riv e th e c ar." She s ig hs. I 'm s u rp ris e d th at s h e p ulls o ver in to th e ta ll g ra ss.

I g et o ut a nd r u n a ro und th e c ar w hile s h e s lid es o ver. I p ut th e c ar in D a nd p re ss it to s e venty , pra yin g, Ple a se , H illy , r e sis t t h e t e m pta tio n t o r u m mage t h ro ugh m y p erso nal b usin ess. . . .

"S o w hat's th e b ig s e cre t, w hat d o y o u h ave to d o to day?" I a sk .

"I'm . . . I 'm g o in g to s e e D octo r N eal fo r s o m e te sts . I t's ju st r o utin e, b ut I d on't w ant y o ur d ad dy to k no w . Y ou k no w h o w u p se t h e g ets e very tim e s o m eb ody g o es to th e d octo r." "W hat k in d o f te sts ? " "It's ju st a n io din e te st fo r m y u lc ers , s a m e a s I h ave e very y ear. D ro p m e a t th e B ap tis t a nd th en y o u can ta k e y o urs e lf to H illy 's . A t le ast I w on't h ave to w orry o ver p ark in g." I g la nce a t h er to s e e if th ere 's m ore to th is , b ut s h e's s it tin g s tr a ig ht a nd s ta rc hed in h er lig ht b lu e dre ss, h er le gs c ro sse d a t th e a nk le s. I d on't r e m em ber h er h avin g th ese te sts la st y ear. E ven w it h m e bein g u p a t s c ho ol, C onsta ntin e w ould 'v e w rit te n to m e a b out th em . M oth er m ust'v e k ep t th em se cre t.

Fiv e m in ute s la te r, a t th e B ap tis t H osp it a l, I c o m e a ro und a nd h elp h er o ut o f th e c ar.

"E ugenia , p le ase . J u st b ecause th is is a h o sp it a l d oesn 't m ean I 'm a n in valid ." I o pen th e g la ss d oor fo r h er a nd s h e w alk s in , h ead h eld h ig h.

"M oth er, d o y o u . . . w ant m e to c o m e w it h y o u?" I a sk , k no w in g I c an't - -I h ave to d eal w it h H illy , but s u d denly I d on't w ant to d ro p h er o ff h ere , lik e th is .

"It's ro utin e.

G o o n to H illy 's a nd c o m e b ack in a n h o ur." I w atc h h er g ro w s m alle r d ow n th e lo ng h all, c lu tc hin g h er h and bag, k no w in g I s h o uld tu rn a nd r u n.

But b efo re I d o, I w ond er a t h o w fr a il a nd in co nse q uentia l m y m oth er h as b eco m e. S he u se d to fill a ro om b y ju st b re ath in g a nd n o w th ere s e em s to b e . . . le ss o f h er. S he tu rn s a c o rn er a nd d is a p pears behin d th e p ale y ello w w alls . I w atc h a s e co nd lo nger b efo re I r u sh b ack to th e c ar.

A M IN UTE a nd a H alf L ATER , I 'm r in gin g H illy 's b ell. I f th ese w ere r e gula r tim es, I 'd ta lk to H illy ab out M am a. B ut I c an't d is tr a ct h er. I t is th e fir s t m om ent th at w ill te ll m e e very th in g. H illy is a n excep tio nal lia r, e xcep t fo r th e m om ent r ig ht b efo re s h e s p eak s.

Hilly o pens th e d oor. H er m outh is tig ht a nd r e d . I lo ok d ow n a t h er h and s. T hey a re k no tte d to geth er lik e r o pes. I 'v e a rriv ed to o la te .

"W ell, th at w as q uic k ," s h e s a ys a nd I fo llo w h er in sid e. M y h eart is s e iz in g in sid e m y c hest. I 'm n o t su re I 'm b re ath in g a t a ll.

"T here it is , th at u gly th in g. I h o pe y o u d on't m in d , I h ad to c heck s o m eth in g in th e m in ute s fr o m th e meetin g." I s ta re a t h er, m y b est fr ie nd , tr y in g to s e e ju st w hat s h e's r e ad in m y th in gs. B ut h er s m ile is pro fe ssio nal if n o t s p ark lin g. T he te llin g m om ents a re g o ne.

"C an I g et y o u s o m eth in g to s ip o n?" "N o, I 'm fin e." T hen I a d d, " W ant to h it b alls a t th e c lu b la te r? I t's s o g o rg eo us o ut." "W illia m 's g o t a c am paig n m eetin g a nd th en w e'r e g o in g to s e e It's a M ad, M ad, M ad, M ad W orld .

" I s tu d y h er. D id n't s h e a sk m e, ju st tw o h o urs a go , to d oub le -d ate to th is m ovie to m orro w n ig ht?

Slo w ly , I m ove d ow n to th e e nd o f th e d in in g ta b le , lik e s h e m ig ht p ounce o n m e if I m ove to o fa st.

She p ic k s u p a s te rlin g fo rk fr o m th e s id eb oard , th ru m s h er in d ex fin ger a lo ng th e tin es.

"Y es, u m , I h eard S pencer T ra cy's s u p pose d to b e d iv in e," I s a y. C asu ally , I tic k th ro ugh th e p ap ers in m y s a tc hel. A ib ile en a nd M in ny's n o te s a re s till tu ck ed d eep in th e s id e p ock et, th e fla p c lo se d , th e la tc h s n ap ped . B ut H illy 's b ath ro om in it ia tiv e is in th e o pen c ente r s e ctio n w it h th e p ap er w here I wro te Jim C ro w o r H illy 's b ath ro om p la n--w hat's t h e d if fe re n ce?

B esid es th is is th e d ra ft o f th e new sle tte r th at H illy h as e xam in ed a lr e ad y. B ut th e b ookle t- -th e la w s--I tic k th ro ugh a gain --th ey a re go ne.

Hilly tilt s h er h ead , n arro w s h er e yes a t m e. " Y ou k no w , I w as ju st th in k in g a b out h o w S tu art's dad dy s to od r ig ht n ext to R oss B arn ett w hen th ey fo ught th at c o lo re d b oy w alk in g in to O le M is s.

They'r e a w fu lly c lo se , S enato r W hit w orth a nd G overn o r B arn ett." I o pen m y m outh to s a y s o m eth in g, a nyth in g, b ut th en tw o-y ear- o ld W illia m , J r., to tte rs in .

"T here y o u a re ." H illy p ic k s h im u p , n uzzle s h is n eck . " Y ou a re p erfe ct, m y p erfe ct b oy!" s h e s a ys.

Willia m lo oks a t m e a nd s c re am s.

"W ell, e njo y th e p ic tu re s h o w ," I s a y, g o in g fo r th e fr o nt d oor.

"A lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. I w alk d ow n th e s te p s. F ro m h er d oorw ay, H illy w aves, fla p s W illia m 's h and bye-b ye. S he s la m s th e d oor b efo re I 'v e e ven m ad e it to m y c ar.

AIB IL E EN ch ap te r 1 4 I B EEN I N S O M E te nse s it u atio ns, b ut to h ave M in ny o n o ne s id e a m y liv in g r o om a nd M is s S keete r o n th e o th er, a nd th e to pic a t h and b e w hat it fe el lik e b ein g N egro a nd w ork in g fo r a w hit e w om an. L aw , it 's a w ond er th ey h ad n't b een a in ju ry .

W e h ad s o m e c lo se c alls th o ugh.

L ik e la st w eek , w hen M is s S keete r s h o w ed m e M is s H illy 's r e aso ns w hy c o lo re d fo lk n eed th ey o w n b ath ro om .

" F eel lik e I 'm lo okin g a t s o m eth in g fr o m th e K KK," I s a id to M is s S keete r. W e w as in m y liv in g r o om a nd th e n ig hts h ad s ta rte d to g et w arm . M in ny'd g o ne in th e k it c hen to s ta nd in fr o nt a th e i c eb ox. M in ny d on't s to p s w eatin g b ut fo r fiv e m in ute s in J a nuary a nd m ayb e n o t e ven th en.

" H illy w ants m e to p rin t it in th e L eague n ew sle tte r," M is s S keete r s a id , s h ak in g h er h ead d is g uste d .

" I'm s o rry , I p ro bab ly s h o uld n't h ave s h o w n it to y o u. B ut th ere 's n o o ne e ls e I c an te ll. " A m in ute la te r, M in ny c o m e b ack fr o m th e k it c hen. I g ave M is s S keete r a lo ok, s o s h e s lid th e lis t u nd er h er n o te b ook. M in ny d id n't lo ok m uch c o ole r. F act, s h e lo oked h o tte r th an e ver.

" M in ny, d o y o u a nd L ero y e ver ta lk a b out c iv il r ig hts ? " M is s S keete r a sk . " W hen h e c o m es h o m e f r o m w ork ?" M in ny h ad th at b ig b ru is e o n h er a rm c ause th at's w hat L ero y d o w hen h e c o m e h o m e fr o m w ork .

H e p ush h er a ro und .

" N ope" w as a ll M in ny s a id . M in ny d o n o t lik e p eo ple u p in h er b usin ess.

" R eally ? H e d oesn 't s h are th e w ay h e fe els a b out th e m arc hes a nd th e s e gre gatio n? M ayb e a t w ork , h is b o--" " M ove o ff a L ero y." M in ny c ro sse d h er a rm s u p s o th at b ru is e w ould n't s h o w .

I g ave S keete r a n ud ge o n th e fo ot. B ut M is s S keete r, s h e h ad th at lo ok s h e g ets w hen s h e's a ll u p in s o m eth in g.

" A ib ile en, d on't y o u th in k it w ould b e in te re stin g if w e c o uld s h o w a lit tle o f th e h usb and s' p ers p ectiv e? M in ny, m ayb e--" M in ny s to od s o q uic k th e lig hts h ad e r a ttle d . " I a in 't d oin g th is n o m ore . Y ou m ak in g th is to o p ers o nal. I d on't c are a b out te llin g w hit e p eo ple h o w it fe el. " " M in ny, o kay, I 'm s o rry ," M is s S keete r s a id . " W e d on't h ave to ta lk a b out y o ur fa m ily ." " N o. I c hange m y m in d . Y ou fin d s o m eb ody e ls e to s p ill th e b eans." W e b een th ro ugh th is b efo re .

B ut th is tim e, M in ny s n atc hed u p h er p ock etb ook, g ra b bed h er fu nera l fa n th at fe ll u nd er th e c hair , a nd s a id , " I'm s o rry , A ib . B ut I ju st c an't d o th is n o m ore ." I g o t a p anic k y fe elin g th en. S he r e ally g o ne le ave. M in ny c an't q uit . S he th e o nly m aid b esid es m e who a gre ed to d o it .

So I le ant u p , s lip ped H illy 's p ie ce a p ap er o ut fr o m u nd er M is s S keete r's n o te b ook. M y fin gers sto pped r ig ht in fr o nt a M in ny.

She lo ok d ow n a t it . " W hat th at? " I p ut o n m y b la nk fa ce. S hru gged m y s h o uld ers . C ould n't a ct lik e I r e ally w ante d h er to r e ad it c ause th en s h e w ould n't .

Min ny p ic k ed it u p a nd s ta rte d s k im min g. P re tty s o on, I c o uld s e e a ll h er fr o nt te eth . B ut s h e w asn 't sm ilin g.

Then s h e lo oked a t M is s S keete r, lo ng a nd h eavy. S he s a id , " M ayb e w e k eep g o in g th en. B ut y o u sta y o ut a m y p ers o nal b usin ess, y o u h ear? " Mis s S keete r n o dded . S he le arn in g.

I M IX a E gg s a la d fo r M is s L eefo lt a nd B ab y G ir l's lu nch, p ut th em lit tle p ic k le s o n th e s id e to fa ncy it u p . M is s L eefo lt s e t a t th e k it c hen ta b le w it h M ae M oble y, s ta rt te llin g h er h o w th e b ab y's g o ne b e here in O cto ber, h o w s h e h o pe s h e d on't h ave to b e in th e h o sp it a l fo r th e O le M is s h o m eco m in g gam e, h o w s h e m ig ht h ave h er a lit tle s is te r o r a lit tle b ro th er a nd w ond er w hat th ey g o ne n am e it .

It's n ic e, s e ein g th em ta lk in g lik e th is . H alf th e m orn in g, M is s L eefo lt b een o n th e p ho ne w it h M is s Hilly g o ssip in g a b out s o m eth in g, h ard ly n o tic in g B ab y G ir l a t a ll. A nd o nce th e n ew b ab y c o m e, M ae Moble y a in 't g o ne g et s o m uch a s a s w at fr o m h er m am a.

Afte r lu nch, I ta k e B ab y G ir l o ut to th e b ack yard a nd fill u p th e g re en p la stic p ool. I t's a lr e ad y nin ety -fiv e d egre es o uts id e. M is sis sip pi g o t th e m ost u no rg aniz e d w eath er in th e n atio n. I n F eb ru ary , it 'll b e fif te en d egre es a nd y o u b e w is h in g s p rin g w ould c o m e o n, a nd th e n ext d ay it 's n in ety d egre es fo r th e n ext n in e m onth s.

The s u n s h in in g. M ae M oble y's s e ttin g in th e m id dle a th at p ool in b ath in g b otto m s. F ir s t th in g s h e d o is ta k e o ff th at to p. M is s L eefo lt c o m e o uts id e a nd s a y, " T hat lo oks lik e fu n! I 'm fix in g to c all H illy , te ll h er to b rin g H eath er a nd lit tle W ill o ver h ere ." And fo re I k no w it , a ll th re e k id s is p la yin g in th ere , s p la sh in g a ro und , h avin g a g o od o ld tim e.

Heath er, M is s H illy 's g ir l, s h e p re tty c ute . S he s ix m onth s o ld er th an M ae M oble y a nd M ae M oble y ju st lo ve h er. H eath er g o t d ark , s h in y c urls a ll o ver h er h ead a nd s o m e lit tle fr e ck le s, a nd s h e r e al ta lk ativ e. S he p re tty m uch ju st a s h o rt v ers io n a M is s H illy , o nly it lo ok b ette r o n a c hild . L it tle Willia m , J r., h e tw o. H e to w -h ead ed a nd h e d on't s a y n o th in g. J u st w ad dle a ro und lik e a d uck , fo llo w in g th em g ir ls to th e h ig h m onk ey g ra ss o n th e e d ge a th e y ard , to th e s w in gse t th at h it c h u p o n one s id e if y o u s w in g to o h ig h a nd s c are m e to d eath , a nd b ack in to th e b ab y p ool.

One th in g I g o t to s a y a b out M is s H illy , s h e lo ve h er c hild re n. A bout e very fiv e m in ute s, s h e k is s lit tle Will o n th e h ead . O r s h e a sk H eath er, is s h e h avin g fu n? O r c o m e h ere a nd g iv e M am a a h ug.

Alw ays te llin g h er s h e th e m ost b eautif u l g ir l in th e w orld . A nd H eath er lo ve h er m am a to o. S he lo ok at M is s H illy lik e s h e lo okin g u p a t th e S ta tu e a L ib erty . T hat k in d a lo ve a lw ays m ak e m e w ant a cry . E ven w hen it g o in g to M is s H illy . C ause it m ak es m e th in k a b out T re elo re , h o w m uch h e lo ve me. I a p pre cia te s e ein g a c hild a d orin g th ey m am a.

We g ro w n-u p s is s e ttin g in th e s h ad e a th e m agno lia tr e e w hile th e k id s p la y. I p ut a fe w fe et betw een m e a nd th e la d ie s s o it 's p ro per. T hey g o t to w els d ow n in th em b la ck ir o n c hair s th at g ets so h o t. I lik e to s it in th e p la stic g re en fo ld in g c hair . K eep m y le gs c o ol.

I w atc h M ae M oble y m ak e B arb ie D oll d o th e s k in ny d ip , ju m pin g o ff th e s id e a th e p ool. B ut I g o t my e ye o n th e la d ie s to o. I b een n o tic in g h o w M is s H illy a ct a ll s w eet a nd h ap py w hen s h e ta lk to Heath er a nd W illia m , b ut e ver tim e s h e tu rn to M is s L eefo lt , s h e g et a s n eer o n h er fa ce.

"A ib ile en, g et m e a lit tle m ore ic ed te a, w ould y o u, p le ase ?" H illy a sk . I g o a nd g et th e p it c her fr o m th e r e fr ig era to r.

"S ee, th at's w hat I d on't u nd ers ta nd ," I h ear M is s H illy s a y w hen I 'm c lo se e no ugh. " N obody w ants to s it d ow n o n a to ile t s e at th ey h ave to s h are w it h th em ." "It d oes m ak e s e nse ," M is s L eefo lt s a y, b ut th en s h e h ush u p w hen I c o m e o ver to fill u p th ey gla sse s.

"W hy, th ank y o u," M is s H illy s a y. T hen s h e g iv e m e a r e al p erp le xed lo ok, s a y, " A ib ile en, y o u lik e havin g y o ur o w n to ile t, d on't y o u?" "Y es m a'a m ." S he s till ta lk in g a b out th at p ot e ven th o ugh it 's b een in th ere s ix m onth s.

"S ep ara te b ut e q ual, " M is s H illy s a y b ack to M is s L eefo lt . " T hat's w hat G overn o r R oss B arn ett s a ys is r ig ht, a nd y o u c an't a rg ue w it h th e govern m en t ." Mis s L eefo lt c la p h er h and o n h er th ig h lik e s h e g o t th e m ost in te re stin g th in g to c hange th e s u b je ct to . I 'm w it h h er. L et's d is c uss s o m eth in g e ls e . " D id I te ll y o u w hat R ale ig h s a id th e o th er d ay?" But M is s H illy s h ak in g h er h ead . " A ib ile en, y o u w ould n't w ant to g o to a s c ho ol fu ll o f w hit e p eo ple , would y o u?" "N o m a'a m ," I m um ble . I g et u p a nd p ull th e p onyta il h o ld er o ut a B ab y G ir l's h ead . T hem g re en pla stic b alls g et a ll ta ngly w hen h er h air g et w et. B ut w hat I r e ally w ant to d o is p ut m y h and s u p over h er e ars s o s h e c an't h ear th is ta lk . A nd w ors e , h ear m e a gre ein g.

But th en I th in k : W hy? W hy I h ave to s ta nd h ere a nd a gre e w it h h er? A nd if M ae M oble y g o ne h ear it , s h e g o ne h ear s o m e s e nse . I g et m y b re ath . M y h eart b eatin g h ard . A nd I s a y p olit e a s I c an, "N ot a s c ho ol fu ll a ju st w hit e p eo ple . B ut w here th e c o lo re d a nd th e w hit e fo lk s is to geth er." Hilly a nd M is s L eefo lt b oth lo ok a t m e. I lo ok b ack d ow n a t th e k id s.

"B ut Aib ile en "- -M is s H illy s m ile r e al c o ld --"c o lo re d p eo ple a nd w hit e p eo ple a re ju st s o . . .

dif fe re n t ." S he w rin k le u p h er n o se .

I fe el m y lip c urlin g. A c o urs e w e d if fe re nt! E verb ody k no w c o lo re d p eo ple a nd w hit e p eo ple a in 't th e s a m e. B ut w e s till ju st p eo ple ! S ho ot, I e ven b een h earin g J e su s h ad c o lo re d s k in liv in g o ut th ere in th e d ese rt. I p re ss m y lip s to geth er.

It d on't m atte r th o ugh, c ause M is s H illy a lr e ad y m oved o n. A in 't n o th in g to h er. S he b ack to h er lo w -d ow n ta lk w it h M is s L eefo lt . O ut a n o w here , a b ig h eavy c lo ud c o ver th e s u n. I s p ec w e a b out to g et a s h o w er.

". . . g o vern m ent k no w s b est a nd if S keete r th in k s s h e's g o in g to g et a w ay w it h th is c o lo re d n o n--" "M am a! M am a! L ook a t m e!" h o lle r H eath er fr o m th e p ool. " L ook a t m y p ig ta ils !" "I s e e y o u! I d o! W hat w it h W illia m r u nnin g fo r o ffic e n ext- -" "M am a, g iv e m e y o ur c o m b! I w ant to d o b eauty p arlo r!" "- -c anno t h ave c o lo re d -su p portin g fr ie nd s in m y c lo se t- -" "M am aaaaa! G im me y o ur c o m b. G et y o ur c o m b fo r m e!" "I r e ad it . I fo und it in h er s a tc hel a nd I in te nd to ta k e a ctio n." And th en M is s H illy q uie t, h untin g fo r h er c o m b in h er p ock etb ook. T hund er b oom o ver in S outh Ja ck so n a nd w ay o ff w e h ear th e w ail a th e to rn ad o b ell. I 'm tr y in g to m ak e s e nse a w hat M is s H illy ju st s a id :

Mis s S keete r. H er s a tc h el. I r e a d it .

I g et th e k id s o ut th e p ool, s w ad dle e m u p in to w els . T he th und er c o m e c ra sh in g o ut th e s k y.

A M IN UTE A FTER d ark , I 'm s e ttin g a t m y k it c hen ta b le , tw ir lin g m y p encil. M y w hit e -lib ra ry c o py a Huck le b erry F in n 's in fr o nt a m e, b ut I c an't r e ad it . I g o t a b ad ta ste in m y m outh , b it te r, lik e co ffe e g ro und s in th e la st s ip . I n eed to ta lk to M is s S keete r.

I a in 't n ever c alle d h er h o use e xcep t tw o tim es c ause I h ad n o c ho ic e, w hen I to ld h er I 'd w ork o n th e s to rie s, a nd th en to te ll h er M in ny w ould to o. I k no w it 's r is k y. S till, I g et u p , p ut m y h and o n th e wall p ho ne. B ut w hat if h er m am a a nsw er, o r h er d ad dy? I b et th eir m aid g o ne h o m e h o urs a go .

How M is s S keete r g o ne e xp la in a c o lo re d w om an c allin g h er u p o n th e te le p ho ne?

I s e t b ack d ow n. M is s S keete r c o m e o ver h ere th re e d ays a go to ta lk to M in ny. S eem ed lik e everth in g w as fin e. N oth in g lik e w hen th e p olic e p ull h er o ver a fe w w eek s a go . S he d id n't s a y no th in g a b out M is s H illy .

I h uff in m y c hair a w hile , w is h in g th e p ho ne w ould r in g. I s h o ot u p a nd r a ce a c o ck ro ach a cro ss th e flo or w it h m y w ork sh o e. C ock ro ach w in . H e c ra w l u nd er th at g ro cery b ag a c lo th es M is s H illy g iv e me, b een s e ttin g th ere fo r m onth s.

I s ta re a t th e s a ck , s ta rt tw ir lin g th at p encil in m y h and a gain . I g o t to d o s o m eth in g w it h th at b ag. I 'm use d to la d ie s g iv in g m e c lo th es--g o t w hit e la d y c lo th es o ut th e w azo o, a in 't h ad to b uy m y o w n clo th es in th ir ty y ears . I t a lw ays ta k es a w hile till th ey fe el lik e m in e. W hen T re elo re w as a lit tle th in g, I p ut o n a o ld c o at fr o m s o m e la d y I 's w ait in g o n a nd T re elo re , h e lo ok a t m e fu nny, b ack a w ay. S ay I s m ell w hit e .

But th is b ag is d if fe re nt. E ven w hat w ould fit m e in th at p ap er s a ck , I c an't w ear. C an't g iv e to m y fr ie nd s e it h er. E ver p ie ce in th at b ag--th e c ulo tte p ants , th e s h ir t w it h th e P ete r P an c o lla r, th e p in k ja ck et w it h th e g ra vy s ta in o n it , e ven th e s o ck s--th ey a ll g o t th e le tte rs H.W .H .

s e w n in . R ed th re ad , pre tty lit tle c urs iv e le tte rs . I r e ck on Y ule M ay h ad to s e w th em le tte rs . W earin g th o se , I 'd fe el lik e I 's pers o nal- o w ned p ro perty a H illy W . H olb ro ok.

I g et u p a nd k ic k a t th e b ag, b ut th e c o ck ro ach d on't c o m e o ut. S o I ta k e o ut m y n o te b ook, in te nd in g to s ta rt o n m y p ra yers , b ut I 'm ju st to o d eep w orry in g a b out M is s H illy . W ond erin g w hat sh e m eant w hen s h e s a id Rea d it .

Afte r w hile , m y m in d d one d rif te d to w here I w is h it w ould n't . I r e ck on I k no w p re tty w ell w hat would h ap pen if th e w hit e la d ie s fo und o ut w e w as w rit in g a b out th em , te llin g th e tr u th a w hat th ey re ally lik e. W om ens, th ey a in 't lik e m en. A w om an a in 't g o ne b eat y o u w it h a s tic k . M is s H illy would n't p ull n o p is to l o n m e. M is s L eefo lt w ould n't c o m e b urn m y h o use d ow n.

No, w hit e w om ens lik e to k eep th ey h and s c le an. T hey g o t a s h in y lit tle s e t a to ols th ey u se , s h arp a s wit c hes' fin gern ails , tid y a nd la id o ut n eat, lik e th e p ic k s o n a d entis t tr a y. T hey g o ne ta k e th ey tim e wit h e m .

Fir s t th in g a w hit e la d y g o ne d o is fir e y o u. Y ou u p se t, b ut y o u fig ure y o u'll fin d a no th er jo b, w hen th in gs s e ttle d ow n, w hen th e w hit e la d y g et a ro und to fo rg ettin g. Y ou g o t a m onth a r e nt s a ved .

Peo ple b rin g y o u s q uash c asse ro le s.

But th en a w eek a fte r y o u lo st y o ur jo b, y o u g et th is lit tle y ello w e nvelo pe s tu ck in y o ur s c re en d oor.

Pap er in sid e s a y N OTIC E O f E V IC TIO N. E ver la nd lo rd in J a ck so n b e w hit e a nd e ver o ne g o t a whit e w if e th at's fr ie nd s w it h s o m eb ody. Y ou s ta rt to p anic s o m e th en. Y ou s till a in 't g o t n o jo b pro sp ects . E verw here y o u tr y , th e d oor s la m s in y o ur fa ce. A nd n o w y o u a in 't g o t a p la ce to liv e.

Then it s ta rts to c o m e a lit tle fa ste r.

If y o u g o t a n o te o n y o ur c ar, th ey g o ne r e p osse ss it .

If y o u g o t a p ark in g tic k et y o u a in 't p aid , y o u g o in g to ja il.

If y o u g o t a d aughte r, m ayb e y o u g o liv e w it h h er. S he te nd to a w hit e fa m ily a h er o w n. B ut a fe w days la te r s h e c o m e h o m e, s a y, " M am a? I ju st g o t fir e d ." S he lo ok h urt, s c are d . S he d on't und ers ta nd w hy. Y ou g o t to te ll h er it 's c ause a y o u.

Least h er h usb and s till w ork in g. L east th ey c an fe ed th e b ab y.

Then th ey fir e h er h usb and . J u st a no th er lit tle s h arp to ol, s h in y a nd fin e.

They b oth p oin tin g a t y o u, c ry in g, w ond erin g w hy y o u d one it . Y ou c an't e ven r e m em ber w hy. Week s p ass a nd n o th in g, n o jo bs, n o m oney, n o h o use . Y ou h o pe th is is th e e nd o f it , th at s h e d one eno ugh, s h e r e ad y to fo rg et.

It'll b e a k no ck o n th e d oor, la te a t n ig ht. I t w on't b e th e w hit e la d y a t th e d oor. S he d on't d o th at kin d a th in g h ers e lf . B ut w hile th e n ig htm are 's h ap penin g, th e b urn in g o r th e c uttin g o r th e b eatin g, yo u r e aliz e s o m eth in g y o u k no w n a ll y o ur lif e : th e w hit e la d y d on't ev er fo rg et.

And s h e a in 't g o ne s to p till y o u d ead .

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, M is s S keete r p ull h er C ad illa c u p in M is s L eefo lt 's d riv ew ay. I g o t r a w chic k en o n m y h and s a nd a fla m e o n th e s to veto p a nd M ae M oble y w hin in g c ause s h e s ta rv in g to death b ut I c an't s ta nd it a no th er s e co nd . I w alk in th e d in in g r o om w it h m y d ir ty h and s u p in th e a ir .

Mis s S keete r, s h e a sk in g M is s L eefo lt a b out a lis t a g ir ls w ho s e rv in g o n a c o m mit te e a nd M is s Leefo lt s a y, " T he h ead o f th e c up cak e c o m mit te e is E ile en," a nd M is s S keete r s a y, " B ut th e c up cak e co m mit te e c hair m an is R oxanne," a nd M is s L eefo lt s a y, " N o, th e c up cak e c o -c hair is R oxanne a nd Eile en is th e c up cak e h ead ," a nd I 'm g ettin g s o p eck erta te d o ver th is c up cak e ta lk I w ant to p oke Mis s S keete r w it h m y r a w -c hic k en fin ger b ut I k no w b ette r th an to in te rru p t s o I d on't . T here a in 't no ta lk a t a ll a b out th e s a tc hel.

Befo re I k no w it , M is s S keete r o ut th e d oor.

Law .

That n ig ht a fte r s u p per, m e a nd th at c o ck ro ach s ta re e ach o th er d ow n a cro ss th e k it c hen flo or. H e big , in ch, in ch a n a h alf . H e b la ck . B la ck er th an m e. H e m ak in g a c ra ck lin g s o und w it h h is w in gs. I go t m y s h o e in m y h and .

The p ho ne r in g a nd w e b oth ju m p.

"H ey, A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y a nd I h ear a d oor s h ut. " S orry to c all s o la te ." I b re ath e o ut. " I'm g la d y o u d id ." "I w as ju st c allin g to s e e if y o u h ad a ny... w ord . F ro m a ny o th er m aid s, I m ean." Mis s S keete r s o und s tr a nge. T ig ht in th e ja w . L ate ly , s h e b een g lo w in g lik e a fir e fly s h e s o in lo ve.

My h eart s ta rt d ru m min g. S till, I d on't ju m p r ig ht in w it h m y q uestio ns. I a in 't s u re w hy.

"I a sk ed C orrin e w ho w ork a t th e C oole ys. S he s a y n o . T hen R ho nd a, a nd R ho nd a's s is te r w ho wait o n th e M ille rs ... b ut b oth a th em s a y n o to o." "W hat a b out Y ule M ay? H ave y o u . . . ta lk ed to h er r e cently ?" I w ond er th en if th at's w hy M is s S keete r a ctin g s tr a nge. S ee, I to ld M is s S keete r a fib . I to ld h er a month a go I a sk ed Y ule M ay, b ut I d id n't . I t's n o t ju st th at I d on't k no w Y ule M ay w ell. I t's th at s h e Mis s H illy H olb ro ok's m aid , a nd a nyth in g h avin g to d o w it h th at n am e m ak e m e n erv o us.

"N ot r e al r e cent. M ayb e . . . I tr y h er a gain ," I lie , h atin g it . Then I g et b ack to jig glin g m y p encil. R ead y to te ll h er w hat M is s H illy s a id .

"A ib ile en," M is s S keete r v o ic e g o ne a ll s h ak y, " I h ave to te ll y o u s o m eth in g." Mis s S keete r g et q uie t a nd it 's lik e th em e erie s e co nd s b efo re a fu nnel c lo ud d ro p.

"W hat h ap pen, M is s S keete r? " "I . . . le ft m y s a tc hel. A t th e L eague. H illy p ic k ed it u p ." I s q uin t m y e yes, fe el lik e I a in 't h earin g to o g o od. " T he r e d o ne?" She d on't r e p ly .

"A w . . .

Law .

" T his a ll s ta rtin g to m ak e a s ic k s e nse .

"T he s to rie s w ere in a fla p p ock et. O n th e s id e, in a no th er fo ld er. I th in k a ll s h e s a w w ere J im C ro w la w s, s o m e . . . b ookle t I 'd p ic k ed u p a t th e lib ra ry b ut . . . I c an't s a y fo r s u re ." "O h M is s Skeete r ," I s a y a nd s h ut m y e yes. G od h elp m e, G od h elp Min ny . . .

"I k no w . I know ," M is s S keete r s a y a nd s ta rt to c ry in to th e p ho ne.

"A lr ig ht. A lr ig ht, n o w ." I tr y to m ak e m yse lf s w allo w m y a nger d ow n. I t w as a a ccid ent, I te ll m yse lf .

Kic k in g h er a in 't g o ne d o u s n o g o od.

But still.

"A ib ile en, I a m s o so s o rry ." There 's a fe w s e co nd s a n o th in g b ut h eart- p um pin g. R eal s lo w a nd s c ary , m y b ra in s ta rt tic k in g th ro ugh th e fe w fa cts s h e g iv en m e, w hat I k no w m yse lf .

"H ow lo ng a go th is h ap pen?" I a sk .

"T hre e d ays a go . I w ante d to fin d o ut w hat s h e k new b efo re I to ld y o u." "Y ou ta lk ed to M is s H illy ?" "J u st fo r a s e co nd w hen I p ic k ed it u p . B ut I 'v e ta lk ed to E liz a b eth a nd L ou A nne a nd p ro bab ly fo ur oth er g ir ls w ho k no w H illy . N obody's s a id a nyth in g a b out it . T hat w as... th at w as w hy I a sk ed a b out Yule M ay," s h e s a y. " I w as w ond erin g if s h e'd h eard a nyth in g a t w ork ." I d ra w in a b re ath , h atin g w hat I h ave to te ll h er. " I h eard it . Y este rd ay. M is s H illy w as ta lk in g to Mis s L eefo lt a b out it ." Mis s S keete r d on't s a y n o th in g. I fe el lik e I 'm w ait in g fo r a b ric k to c o m e s la m min g th ro ugh m y win d ow .

"S he ta lk in g a b out M is te r H olb ro ok r u nnin g fo r o ffic e a nd h o w y o u s u p portin g c o lo re d p eo ple a nd sh e s a y . . . s h e r e ad s o m eth in g." S ayin g it o ut lo ud n o w , I 'm s h ak in g. A nd s till b obbin g th e p encil betw een m y fin gers .

"D id s h e s a y a nyth in g a b out m aid s? " M is s S keete r a sk . " I m ean, w as s h e o nly u p se t w it h m e o r d id sh e m entio n y o u o r M in ny?" "N o, ju st . . . y o u." "O kay." M is s S keete r b lo w a ir in to th e p ho ne. S he s o und u p se t, b ut s h e d on't k no w w hat c o uld hap pen to m e, to M in ny. S he d on't k no w a b out th em s h arp , s h in y u te nsils a w hit e la d y u se . A bout th at k no ck o n th e d oor, la te a t n ig ht. T hat th ere a re w hit e m en o ut th ere hungry to h ear a b out a co lo re d p ers o n c ro ssin g w hit e s, r e ad y w it h th ey w ooden b ats , m atc hstic k s. A ny lit tle th in g'll d o.

"I- I c an't s a y a h und re d p erc ent, b ut . . ." M is s S keete r s a y, " if H illy k new a nyth in g a b out th e b ook or y o u o r esp ecia lly M in ny, s h e'd b e s p re ad in g it a ll o ver to w n." I th in k o n th is , w antin g s o h ard to b elie ve h er. " It's tr u e, s h e d o n o t lik e M in ny J a ck so n." "A ib ile en," M is s S keete r s a y, a nd I h ear h er s ta rt to b re ak d ow n a gain . T hat c alm -d ow n in h er v o ic e is c ra ck in g. " W e c an s to p. I u nd ers ta nd c o m ple te ly if y o u w ant to s to p w ork in g o n it ." If I s a y I d on't w ant a d o it a nym ore , th en e verth in g I b een w rit in g a nd s till h ave to w rit e a in 't g o ne get to b e s a id .

No, I th in k . I don't w ant a s to p. I 'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w lo ud I th in k it .

"If M is s H illy k no w , s h e k no w ," I s a y. " S to ppin g a in 't g o ne s a ve u s n o w ." I D O N'T S EE, h ear, o r s m ell M is s H illy fo r tw o d ays. E ven w hen I a in 't h o ld in g a p encil, m y fin gers is jig glin g it , in m y p ock et, o n th e k it c hen c o unte r, th um pin g lik e d ru m stic k s. I g o t to fin d o ut w hat's in sid e M is s H illy 's h ead .

Mis s L eefo lt le ave Y ule M ay th re e m essa ges fo r M is s H illy , b ut s h e a lw ays a t M is te r H olb ro ok's offic e--th e " c am paig n H .Q ." is w hat M is s H illy b een c allin g it . M is s L eefo lt s ig h, h ang u p th e p ho ne lik e s h e ju st d on't k no w h o w h er b ra in g o ne o pera te w it h o ut M is s H illy c o m in g o ver to p ush th e Thin k b utto ns. T en tim es B ab y G ir l a sk w hen lit tle H eath er g o ne c o m e p la y in th e p la stic p ool a gain .

I r e ck on th ey'll b e g o od fr ie nd s g ro w in g u p , w it h M is s H illy te achin g th em b oth h o w th in gs is . B y th at a fte rn o on, w e a ll w and erin g a ro und th e h o use , jig glin g o ur fin gers , w ond erin g w hen M is s H illy go ne s h o w u p a gain .

Afte r w hile , M is s L eefo lt g o to th e m ate ria l s to re . S ay s h e g o ne m ak e a c o ver fo r s o m eth in g. S he don't k no w w hat. M ae M oble y lo ok a t m e a nd I r e ck on w e th in k in g th e s a m e th in g: th at w om an'd co ver u s b oth u p if s h e c o uld .

I H AV E T O W ORK R EA L L ATE th at e venin g. I fe ed B ab y G ir l s u p per a nd p ut h er to b ed , c ause Mis te r a nd M is s L eefo lt g o ne to s e e a p ic tu re a t th e L am ar. M is te r L eefo lt p ro m is e h e ta k e h er a nd sh e h o ld h im to it , e ven th o ugh it 's o nly th e la te s h o w le ft. W hen th ey g et h o m e, th ey y aw nin g, cric k ets is c ric k in g. O th er h o use s, I 'd s le ep in th e m aid 's r o om , b ut th ey a in 't o ne h ere . I k in d a h ang aro und th in k in g M is te r L eefo lt g o ne o ffe r to d riv e m e h o m e, b ut h e ju st g o r ig ht to b ed .

Outs id e, in th e d ark , I w alk a ll th e w ay u p to R iv ers id e, a b out te n m in ute s a w ay, w here th ey r u n a la te b us fo r th e n ig httim e w ate r- p la nt w ork ers . T he b re eze is g o od e no ugh k eep th e m osq uit o es o ff.

I s it o n th e e d ge a th e p ark , in th e g ra ss u nd er th e s tr e etlig ht. B us c o m e a fte r w hile . A in 't b ut fo ur peo ple o n th ere , tw o c o lo re d , tw o w hit e , a ll m ens. I d on't k no w a ny o f e m . I ta k e a w in d ow s e at behin d a th in c o lo re d fe lla . H e g o t o n a b ro w n s u it a nd a b ro w n h at, b e a b out m y a ge.

We c ro ss th e b rid ge, h ead in th e d ir e ctio n a th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l, w here th e b us m ak e it s tu rn . I g o t my p ra yer b ook o ut s o I c an w rit e s o m e th in gs d ow n. I c o ncentr a te o n M ae M oble y, tr y to k eep m y min d o ff M is s H illy .

Show m e h ow t o t e a ch B aby G ir l t o b e k in d, t o lo ve h erse lf ; t o lo ve o th ers, while I g ot t im e w it h h er...

I lo ok u p . T he b us d one s to pped in th e m id dle a th e r o ad . I le an o ver in to th e a is le , s e e a fe w b lo ck s up th ey's b lu e lig hts fla sh in g in th e d ark , p eo ple s ta nd in g a ro und , a r o ad b lo ck .

Whit e d riv er s ta re a head . H e tu rn o ff th e m oto r a nd m y s e at g o s till, fe el s tr a nge. H e s tr a ig hte n h is driv er's h at, h o p o ut th e s e at. " Y 'a ll s ta y p ut. L et m e fin d o ut w hat's g o in g o n." So w e a ll s e t th ere in th e q uie t, w ait in g. I h ear a d og b ark in g, n o t a h o use d og, b ut th e k in d th at so und lik e h e y ellin g a t y o u. A fte r a fu ll fiv e m in ute s, d riv er g et b ack o n th e b us, s ta rt th e m oto r again . H e to ot h is h o rn , w ave h is h and o ut th e w in d ow , a nd s ta rt b ack in g u p r e al s lo w .

"W ha h ap pen u p th ere ?" c o lo re d m an in fr o nt a m e c all to th e d riv er.

Driv er d on't a nsw er. H e k eep b ack in g u p . T he fla sh in g lig hts is g ettin g s m alle r, th e d og b ark in g fa d in g o ff. D riv er tu rn th e b us a ro und o n F aris h S tr e et. A t th e n ext c o rn er, h e s to p. " C olo re d p eo ple off, la st s to p fo r y o u," h e h o lle r in th e r e arv ie w . " W hit e p eo ple le m me k no w w here y 'a ll n eed to g et to . I 'll g et y o u c lo se a s I c an." The c o lo re d m an lo ok b ack a t m e. I g uess w e b oth a in 't g o t a g o od fe elin g. H e s ta nd u p s o I d o to o.

I fo llo w h im to th e fr o nt d oor. I t's e erie q uie t, ju st th e s o und a o ur fe ets .

Whit e m an le an u p to th e d riv er, s a y, " W hat's g o in g o n?" I fo llo w th e c o lo re d m an d ow n th e s te p s a th e b us. B ehin d m e, I h ear th e d riv er s a y, " I d on't k no w , so m e n ig ger g o t s h o t. W here y o u h ead ed ?" The d oor s w is h c lo se d . O h L aw , I th in k , p le ase d on't le t th is b e a ny a m y p eo ple s.

Ain 't a s o und o n F aris h S tr e et, o r a p ers o n, c ep t u s tw o. T he m an lo ok a t m e. " Y ou a lr ig ht? Y ou clo se to h o m e?" "I b e a lr ig ht. I 'm c lo se ." M y h o use is s e ven b lo ck s fr o m h ere .

"W ant m e to w alk y o u?" I k in d a d o, b ut I s h ak e m y h ead . " N aw , th ank y o u. I b e fin e." A n ew s tr u ck w hiz b y, w ay d ow n a t th e in te rs e ctio n th e b us tu rn ed o ff o f. B ig W LB T-T V le tte rs o n th e s id e.

"L aw , I h o pe th is a in 't a s b ad a s it - -" b ut th e m an g o ne. T hey a in 't a s o ul n o w b ut m e. I g et th at fe elin g p eo ple ta lk a b out, r ig ht b efo re th ey g et m ugged . I n tw o s e co nd s, m y s to ck in gs is r u b bin g to geth er s o fa st I s o und lik e z ip pers z ip pin g. U p a head I s e e th re e p eo ple w alk in g fa st lik e m e. A ll o f em tu rn o ff, g o in to h o use s, s h ut th e d oor.

I'm r e al s u re I d on't w ant to b e a lo ne a no th er s e co nd . I c ut b etw een M ule C ato 's h o use a nd th e back a th e a uto r e p air , th en th ro ugh O ney B la ck 's y ard , tr ip o n a h o se -p ip e in th e d ark . I fe el lik e a burg la r. C an s e e lig hts o n in sid e th e h o use s, h ead s b ent d ow n, lig hts th at s h o uld b e o ff th is tim e a nig ht. W hate ver g o in g o n, e verb ody e it h er ta lk in g a b out it o r lis te nin g to it .

Fin ally , u p a head I s e e M in ny's k it c hen lig ht, b ack d oor o pen, s c re en d oor c lo se d . T he d oor m ak e a whin e w hen I p ush it . M in ny s e ttin g a t th e ta b le w it h a ll fiv e k id s: L ero y J u nio r, S ugar, F elic ia , Kin d ra , a nd B enny. I g uess L ero y S enio r g o ne to w ork . T hey a ll s ta rin g a t th e b ig r a d io in th e mid dle a th e ta b le . A w ave a s ta tic c o m e in w it h m e.

"W hat is it ? " I s a y. M in ny fr o w n, fid dle w it h th e d ia l. I n a s e co nd I ta k e in th e r o om : a h am s lic e curle d a nd r e d in a s k ille t. A tin c an o n th e c o unte r, lid o pen. D ir ty p la te s in th e s in k . A in 't M in ny's kit c hen a t a ll.

"W hat h ap pen?" I a sk a gain .

The r a d io m an c o m e in to tu ne, h o lle rin g, " - - alm ost t e n y ea rs s e rv in g a s t h e F ie ld S ecre ta ry f o r th e N -d ouble -A -C -P . S till n o w ord f ro m t h e h osp it a l b ut w ounds a re s a id t o b e--" " Who?

" I s a y.

Min ny s ta re a t m e lik e I a in 't g o t m y h ead o n. " M ed gar E vers . W here y o u b een?" "M ed gar E vers ? W hat h ap pen?" I m et M yrlie E vers , h is w if e , la st fa ll, w hen s h e v is it o ur c hurc h w it h Mary B one's fa m ily . S he w ore th is s m art r e d -a nd -b la ck s c arf tie d o n h er n eck . I r e m em ber h o w s h e lo oked m e in th e e ye, s m ile d lik e s h e w as r e al g la d to m eet m e. M ed gar E vers lik e a c ele b rit y aro und h ere , b ein g s o h ig h in th e N AACP.

"S et d ow n," M in ny s a y. I s e t in a w ooden c hair . T hey a ll g ho st- fa ced , s ta rin g a t th e r a d io . I t's a b out half th e s iz e o f a c ar e ngin e, w ood, fo ur k no bs o n it . E ven K in d ra q uie t in S ugar's la p .

"K KK s h o t h im . F ro nt a h is h o use . A h o ur a go ." I fe el a p ric k le c re ep u p m y s p in e. " W here h e liv e?" "O n G uynes," M in ny s a y. " T he d octo rs g o t h im a t o ur h o sp it a l. " "I . . . s a w ," I s a y, th in k in g a th e b us. G uynes a in 't b ut fiv e m in ute s a w ay fr o m h ere if y o u g o t a c ar.

". . . w it n esse s s a y it w as a s in gle m an, a w hit e m ale , w ho j u m ped f ro m t h e b ush es. R um ors o f KKK in volv em en t a re . . ." Now th ey's s o m e u no rg aniz e d ta lk in g o n th e r a d io , s o m e p eo ple y ellin g, s o m e fu m blin g r o und . I te nse u p lik e s o m eb ody w atc hin g u s fr o m o uts id e. S om eb ody w hit e . T he K KK w as h ere , fiv e min ute s a w ay, to h unt d ow n a c o lo re d m an. I w ant a c lo se th at b ack d oor.

"I w as j u st in fo rm ed ," th e a nno uncer s a y, p antin g, "th at M ed gar E vers is d ea d." "M ed gar E vers," h e s o und lik e h e g ettin g p ush ed a ro und , v o ic es r o und h im , "I w as j u st t o ld . H as die d ." Oh Law .

Min ny tu rn to L ero y J u nio r. H er v o ic e lo w , s te ad y.

"T ak e y o ur b ro th ers a nd y o ur s is te rs in th e b ed ro om . G et in b ed . A nd s ta y b ack th ere ." I t a lw ays so und s c arie r w hen a h o lle re r ta lk s o ft.

Even th o ugh I k no w L ero y J u nio r w ant a s ta y, h e g iv e e m a lo ok a nd th ey a ll d is a p pear, q uie t, q uic k .

The r a d io m an g o q uie t to o. F or a s e co nd , th at b ox n o th in g b ut b ro w n w ood a nd w ir e s.

"M ed gar Evers," h e s a y, h is v o ic e s o und lik e it 's r o llin g b ack w ard s, "N AAC P F ie ld S ecre ta ry, is d ea d." H e sig h.

"M ed gar E vers is d ea d." I s w allo w b ack a m outh fu l a s p it a nd s ta re a t M in ny's w allp ain t th at's g o ne y ello w w it h b aco n gre ase , b ab y h and s, L ero y's P all M alls . N o p ic tu re s o r c ale nd ars o n M in ny's w alls . I 'm tr y in g n o t to th in k . I d on't w ant a th in k a b out a c o lo re d m an d yin g. I t'll m ak e m e r e m em ber T re elo re .

Min ny's h and s is in fis ts . S he g rit tin g h er te eth . " S ho t h im r ig ht in fr o nt a h is ch ild re n , A ib ile en." "W e g o ne p ra y fo r th e E vers e s, w e g o ne p ra y fo r M yrlie . . ." b ut it ju st s o und s o e m pty , s o I s to p.

"R ad io s a y h is fa m ily r u n o ut th e h o use w hen th ey h eard th e s h o ts . S ay h e b lo ody, s tu m blin g r o und , all th e k id s w it h b lo od a ll o ver e m . . ." S he s la p h er h and o n th e ta b le , r a ttlin g th e w ood r a d io .

I h o ld m y b re ath , b ut I fe el d iz zy. I g o t to b e th e o ne w ho 's s tr o ng. I g o t to k eep m y fr ie nd h ere fr o m lo sin g it .

"T hin gs a in 't n ever g o ne c hange in th is to w n, A ib ile en. W e liv in g in h ell, w e tr a pped .

O ur kid s is tr a p ped ." Rad io m an g et lo ud a gain , s a y, " . . . p olic em en e v ery w here , b lo ck in g t h e r o ad. M ayo r T hom pso n is e x pecte d t o h old a p re ss c o nfe re n ce s h ortly -- " I c ho ke th en. T he te ars r o ll d ow n. I t's a ll th em w hit e p eo ple s th at b re ak s m e, s ta nd in g a ro und th e co lo re d n eig hb orh o od. W hit e p eo ple s w it h g uns, p oin te d a t c o lo re d p eo ple s. C ause w ho g o ne pro te ct o ur p eo ple s? A in 't n o c o lo re d p olic em ans.

Min ny s ta re a t th e d oor th e k id s w ent th ro ugh. S w eat's d rillin g d ow n th e s id es a h er fa ce.

"W hat th ey g o ne d o to u s, A ib ile en? I f th ey c atc h u s . . ." I ta k e a d eep b re ath . S he ta lk in g a b out th e s to rie s. " W e b oth k no w . I t b e b ad ." "B ut w hat w ould th ey d o? H it c h u s to a p ic k up a nd d ra g u s b ehin d ? S ho ot m e in m y y ard fr o nt a m y kid s? O r ju st s ta rv e u s to d eath ?" Mayo r T ho m pso n c o m e o n th e r a d io , s a y h o w s o rry h e is fo r th e E vers fa m ily . I lo ok a t th e o pen back d oor a nd g et th at w atc hed fe elin g a gain , w it h a w hit e m an's v o ic e in th e r o om .

"T his a in 't . . . w e a in 't d oin g c iv il r ig hts h ere . W e ju st te llin g s to rie s lik e th ey r e ally h ap pen." I tu rn o ff th e r a d io , ta k e M in ny's h and in m in e. W e s e t lik e th at, M in ny s ta rin g a t th e b ro w n m oth pre sse d u p o n th e w all, m e s ta rin g a t th at fla p a r e d m eat, le ft d ry in th e p an.

Min ny g o t th e m ost lo neso m e lo ok in h er e yes. " I w is h L ero y w as h o m e," s h e w his p er.

I d oub t if th em w ord s e ver b een s a id in th is h o use b efo re .

FO R D AY S a nd D AY S, J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi's lik e a p ot a b oilin g w ate r. O n M is s L eefo lt 's te e- vee, flo ck s a c o lo re d p eo ple m arc h u p H ig h S tr e et th e d ay a fte r M is te r E vers ' fu nera l. T hre e hund re d a rre ste d . C olo re d p ap er s a y th o usa nd s a p eo ple c am e to th e s e rv ic e, b ut y o u c o uld c o unt th e w hit e s o n o ne h and . T he p olic e k no w w ho d id it , b ut th ey a in 't te llin g n o body h is n am e.

I c o m e to fin d th at th e E vers fa m ily a in 't b ury in g M ed gar in M is sis sip pi. H is b ody's g o in g to Wash in gto n, to th e A rlin gto n C em ete ry , a nd I r e ck on M yrlie r e al p ro ud a th at. S he s h o uld b e. B ut I'd w ant h im h ere , c lo se b y. I n th e n ew sp ap er, I r e ad h o w e ven th e P re sid ent a th e U nit e d S ta te s te llin g M ayo r T ho m pso n h e n eed to d o b ette r. P ut a c o m mit te e to geth er w it h b la ck s a nd w hit e s a nd work th in gs o ut d ow n h ere . B ut M ayo r T ho m pso n, h e s a y--to Pre sid en t K en ned y --"I a m n o t g o in g to a p poin t a b i- ra cia l c o m mit te e. L et's n o t k id o urs e lv es. I b elie ve in th e s e p ara tio n o f th e r a ces, a nd th at's th e w ay it 's g o in g to b e." Few d ays la te r, th e m ayo r c o m e o n th e r a d io a gain . " J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi, is th e c lo se st p la ce to heaven th ere is ," h e s a y. " A nd it 's g o in g to b e lik e th is fo r th e r e st o f o ur liv es." For th e s e co nd tim e in tw o m onth s, J a ck so n, M is sis sip pi's in th e Lif e m agazin e. T his tim e, th o ugh, we m ak e th e c o ver. ch ap te r 1 5 N ONE A T H E M ED GAR E V ER S ta lk c o m e u p in M is s L eefo lt 's h o use . I c hange th e s ta tio n w hen s h e c o m e b ack fr o m h er lu nch m eetin g. W e g o o n lik e it 's a n ic e s u m mer a fte rn o on. I s till a in 't h eard h id e n o r h air fr o m M is s H illy a nd I 'm s ic k a th e w orry th at's a lw ays in m y h ead .

A d ay a fte r th e E vers fu nera l, M is s L eefo lt 's m am a s to p b y fo r a v is it . S he liv e u p in G re enw ood, M is sis sip pi, a nd s h e d riv in g d ow n to N ew O rle ans. S he d on't k no ck , M is s F re d eric k s ju st w alt z o n i n th e liv in g r o om w here I 'm ir o nin g. S he g iv e m e a le m ony s m ile . I g o te ll M is s L eefo lt w ho h ere .

" M am a! Y ou'r e s o e arly ! Y ou m ust'v e g o tte n u p a t th e c ra ck o f d aw n th is m orn in g, I h o pe y o u d id n't t ir e y o urs e lf o ut! " M is s L eefo lt s a y, r u sh in g in to th e liv in g r o om , p ic k in g u p to ys fa st a s s h e c an. S he s h o ot m e a lo ok th at s a y, now .

I p ut M is te r L eefo lt 's w rin k le d s h ir ts in a b ask et, g et a c lo th fo r B ab y G ir l's fa ce to w ip e o ff th e je lly .

" A nd y o u lo ok s o fr e sh a nd s ty lis h th is m orn in g, M am a." M is s L eefo lt s m ilin g s o h ard s h e g ettin g b ug-e yed . " A re y o u e xcit e d a b out y o ur s h o ppin g tr ip ?" F ro m th e g o od B uic k s h e d riv e a nd h er n ic e b uck le s h o es, I s p ec M is s F re d eric k s g o t a lo t m ore m oney th an M is te r a nd M is s L eefo lt d o.

" I w ante d to b re ak u p th e d riv e. A nd I w as h o pin g y o u'd ta k e m e to th e R obert E . L ee fo r lu nch," M is s F re d eric k s s a y. I d on't k no w h o w th is w om an c an s ta nd h er o w n s e lf . I h eard M is te r a nd M is s L eefo lt a rg uin g a b out h o w e vertim e s h e c o m e to to w n, s h e m ak e M is s L eefo lt ta k e h er to th e f a ncie st p la ce in to w n a nd th en s it b ack a nd m ak e M is s L eefo lt p ay th e b ill.

M is s L eefo lt s a y, " O h, w hy d on't w e h ave A ib ile en fix u s lu nch h ere ? W e h ave a r e al n ic e h am a nd s o m e--" " I s to pped b y to g o o ut to lu nch. N ot to e at h ere ." " A lr ig ht. A lr ig ht, M am a, le t m e ju st g o g et m y h and bag." M is s F re d eric k s lo ok d ow n a t M ae M oble y p la yin g w it h h er b ab y d oll, C la ud ia , o n th e flo or. S he b end d ow n a nd g iv e h er a h ug, s a y, " M ae M oble y, d id y o u lik e th at s m ock ed d re ss I s e nt o ver la st w eek ?" " Y eah," B ab y G ir l s a y to h er G ra nm am a. I h ate d s h o w in g M is s L eefo lt h o w tig ht th at d re ss w as a ro und th e m id dle . B ab y G ir l g ettin g p lu m per.

M is s F re d eric k s, s h e s c o w l d ow n a t M ae M oble y. " Y ou s a y yes m a'a m , y o ung la d y. D o y o u h ear m e?" M ae M oble y, s h e g et a d ull lo ok o n h er fa ce, s a y, " Y es m a'a m ." B ut I k no w w hat s h e th in k in g. S he t h in k in g, Gre a t. J u st w hat I n eed t o day. A noth er la dy in t h is h ouse w ho d on't lik e m e.

T hey h ead o ut th e d oor w it h M is s F re d eric k s p in chin g th e b ack a M is s L eefo lt 's a rm . " Y ou d on't k no w h o w to h ir e p ro per h elp , E liz a b eth . I t is h er jo b to m ak e s u re M ae M oble y h as g o od m anners.

" "A lr ig ht, M am a, w e'll w ork o n it ." "Y ou c an't ju st h ir e a nyb ody a nd h o pe y o u g et lu ck y." Afte r w hile , I fix B ab y G ir l th at h am s a nd w ic h M is s F re d eric k s to o g o od to e at. B ut M ae M oble y only ta k e o ne b it e , p ush it a w ay.

"I d on't fe el g o od. M y fr o at h urts , A ib ee." I k no w w hat a fr o at is a nd I k no w h o w to fix it . B ab y G ir l g ettin g a s u m mer c o ld . I h eat h er u p a c up a h o ney w ate r, lit tle le m on in it to m ak e it g o od. B ut w hat th is g ir l r e ally n eed s is a s to ry s o s h e c an go to s le ep . I lif t h er u p in m y a rm s. L aw , s h e g ettin g b ig . G one b e th re e y ears o ld in a fe w m onth s, and p ud gy a s a p unk in .

Ever a fte rn o on, m e a nd B ab y G ir l s e t in th e r o ck in g c hair b efo re h er n ap . E ver a fte rn o on, I te ll h er:

Yo u k in d, y o u s m art, y o u im porta nt.

B ut s h e g ro w in g u p a nd I k no w , s o on, th em fe w w ord s a in 't go ne b e e no ugh.

"A ib ee? R ead m e a s to ry ?" I lo ok th ro ugh th e b ooks to s e e w hat I 'm o n r e ad to h er. I c an't r e ad th at Curio us G eo rg e o ne m ore tim e c ause s h e d on't w ant a h ear it . O r Chic k en L it tle o r Madelin e n eit h er.

So w e ju st r o ck in th e c hair a w hile . M ae M oble y le an h er h ead a gain st m y u nif o rm . W e w atc h th e ra in d rip pin g o n th e w ate r le ft in th e g re en p la stic p ool. I s a y a p ra yer fo r M yrlie E vers , w is h in g I 'd had w ork o ff to g o to th e fu nera l. I th in k o n h o w h er te n-y ear- o ld s o n, s o m eb ody to ld m e, h ad c rie d so q uie t th ro ugh th e w ho le th in g. I r o ck a nd p ra y, fe elin g s o s a d , I d on't k no w , s o m eth in g ju st c o m e over m e. T he w ord s ju st c o m e o ut.

"O nce u p on a tim e th ey w as tw o lit tle g ir ls ," I s a y. " O ne g ir l h ad b la ck s k in , o ne g ir l h ad w hit e ." Mae M oble y lo ok u p a t m e. S he lis te nin g.

"L it tle c o lo re d g ir l s a y to th e lit tle w hit e g ir l, 'H ow c o m e y o ur s k in b e s o p ale ?' W hit e g ir l s a y, 'I don't k no w . H ow c o m e y o ur s k in b e s o b la ck ? W hat y o u th in k th at m ean?' "B ut n eit h er o ne a th em lit tle g ir ls k new . S o lit tle w hit e g ir l s a y, 'W ell, le t's s e e. Y ou g o t h air , I g o t hair .' " I g iv es M ae M oble y a lit tle to usle o n h er h ead .

"L it tle c o lo re d g ir l s a y 'I g o t a n o se , y o u g o t a n o se .' " I g iv es h er lit tle s n o ut a tw eak . S he g o t to re ach u p a nd d o th e s a m e to m e.

"L it tle w hit e g ir l s a y, 'I g o t to es, y o u g o t to es.' A nd I d o th e lit tle th in g w it h h er to es, b ut s h e c an't g et to m in e c ause I g o t m y w hit e w ork s h o es o n.

"'S o w e's th e s a m e. J u st a d if fe re nt c o lo r,' s a y th at lit tle c o lo re d g ir l. T he lit tle w hit e g ir l s h e a gre ed and th ey w as fr ie nd s. T he E nd ." Bab y G ir l ju st lo ok a t m e. L aw , th at w as a s o rry s to ry if I e ver h eard o ne. W asn 't e ven n o p lo t to it .

But M ae M oble y, s h e s m ile a nd s a y, " T ell it a gain ." So I d o. B y th e fo urth tim e, s h e a sle ep . I w his p er, " I'm o n te ll y o u a b ette r o ne n ext tim e." "D O N'T W E H AV E M ORE T O W ELS, A ib ile en? T his o ne's fin e, b ut w e c an't ta k e th is o ld r a tty th in g, I 'd b e e m barra sse d to d eath . I g uess w e'll ju st ta k e th e o ne, th en." Mis s L eefo lt a ll in a tiz zy. S he a nd M is te r L eefo lt d on't b elo ng to n o s w im c lu b , n o t e ven th e d in k y Bro ad m oore p ool. M is s H illy c all th is m orn in g a nd a sk if s h e a nd B ab y G ir l w ant to g o s w im min g a t th e J a ck so n C ountr y C lu b a nd th at's a in vit a tio n M is s L eefo lt a in 't h ad b ut o nce o r tw ic e. I p ro bab ly been th ere m ore tim es th an s h e h as.

You c an't u se p ap er m oney th ere , y o u g o t to b e a m em ber a nd c harg e it to y o ur a cco unt a nd o ne th in g I k no w a b out M is s H illy is , s h e d on't lik e to c arry n o body's c o sts . I r e ck on M is s H illy g o t oth er la d ie s s h e g o to th e C ountr y C lu b w it h , o nes w ho g o t th e m em bers h ip s.

We s till a in 't h eard a no th er w ord a b out th e s a tc hel. A in 't e ven s e en M is s H illy in fiv e d ays. N eit h er has M is s S keete r, w hic h is b ad . T hey s p ose d to b e b est fr ie nd s. M is s S keete r, s h e b ru ng o ver th e fir s t M in ny c hap te r la st n ig ht. M is s W alt e r w as n o c up a te a a nd if M is s H illy s a w a nyth in g r e la tin g to th at, I d on't k no w w hat's g o ne h ap pen to u s. I ju st h o pe M is s S keete r a in 't to o s c are d to te ll m e if sh e h eard a nyth in g n ew .

I p ut B ab y G ir l's y ello w b ik in i o n. " Y ou g o t to k eep y o u to p o n, n o w . T hey d on't le t n o n ek kid bab ie s s w im a t th e c o untr y c lu b ." N or N egro es n o r J e w s. I u se d to w ork fo r th e G old m ans. T he Ja ck so n J e w s g o t to s w im a t th e C olo nia l C ountr y C lu b , th e N egro es, in M ay's L ak e.

I fe ed B ab y G ir l a p eanut b utte r s a nd w ic h a nd th e p ho ne r in g.

"M is s L eefo lt r e sid ence." "A ib ile en, h ey, it 's S keete r. I s E liz a b eth th ere ?" "H ey M is s S keete r . . ." I lo ok o ver a t M is s L eefo lt , a b out to h and h er th e p ho ne, b ut s h e w ave h er hand s. S he s h ak e h er h ead a nd m outh , No. T ell h er I 'm n ot h ere .

"S he . . . s h e g o ne, M is s S keete r," I s a y a nd I lo ok M is s L eefo lt r ig ht in th e e ye w hile I te ll h er lie . I don't u nd ers ta nd it . M is s S keete r a m em ber a th e c lu b , w ould n't b e n o tr o ub le in vit in g h er.

At n o ontim e, w e a ll th re e g et in M is s L eefo lt 's b lu e F ord F air la ne. O n th e b ack s e at n ext to u s, I g o t a b ag w it h a T herm os a a p ple ju ic e, c heese n ab s, p eanuts , a nd tw o C o-C ola b ottle s th at's g o ne b e lik e d rin k in g c o ffe e th ey g o ne b e s o h o t. I s p ec M is s L eefo lt k no w M is s H illy a in 't g o ne b e p ush in g us to th e s n ack b ar. L aw k no w s w hy s h e in vit e h er to day.

Bab y G ir l r id e in m y la p in th e b ack s e at. I c ra nk th e w in d ow d ow n, le t th e w arm a ir b lo w o n o ur fa ces. M is s L eefo lt k eep p oofin g h er h air u p . S he a s to p-a nd -g o d riv er a nd I fe el n ause o us, w is h sh e'd ju st k eep b oth h and s o n th e w heel.

We p ass th e B en F ra nk lin F iv e a nd D im e, th e S eale -L ily I c e C re am d riv e-th ru . T hey g o t a s lid in g win d ow o n th e b ack s id e s o c o lo re d fo lk c an g et o ur ic e c re am to o. M y le gs is s w eatin g w it h B ab y Gir l s e ttin g o n m e. A fte r w hile , w e o n a lo ng, b um py r o ad w it h p astu re o n b oth s id es, c o w s fla p pin g at th e flie s w it h th ey ta ils . W e c o unt u s tw enty -six c o w s b ut M ae M oble y ju st c all o ut " Ten " a fte r th e fir s t n in e. T hat's h ig h a s s h e k no w .

Bout fif te en m in ute s la te r, w e p ull o nto a p aved d riv e. T he c lu b 's a lo w , w hit e b uild in g w it h p ric k le bush es a ro und it , n o t n early s o fa ncy a s fo lk s ta lk a b out it . T hey's p le nty a p ark in g p la ces u p fr o nt, but M is s L eefo lt th in k o n it a s e co nd , p ark a w ays b ack .

We s te p o ut o nto th e b la ck to p, fe el th e h eat c o ver u s. I g o t th e p ap er s a ck in o ne h and , M ae Moble y's h and in th e o th er a nd w e tr u d ge a cro ss th e s te am in g b la ck lo t. G rid lin es m ak e it lik e w e o n a c harc o al g rill, r o astin g lik e c o rn co bs. M y fa ce g ettin g tig ht, b urn in g in th e s u n. B ab y G ir l la ggin g back o n m y h and lo okin g s tu nned lik e s h e ju st g o t s la p ped . M is s L eefo lt p antin g a nd fr o w nin g a t th e door, s till tw enty y ard s a w ay, w ond erin g, I r e ck on, w hy s h e p ark s o fa r. T he p art in m y h air g et to burn in g, th en it c hin g, b ut I c an't s c ra tc h a t it c ause b oth h and s is fu ll th en whoo!

s o m eb ody b lo w o ut th e fla m e. T he lo bby's d ark , c o ol, h eaven. W e b lin k a w hile .

Mis s L eefo lt lo ok a ro und , b lin d a nd s h y, s o I p oin t to th e s id e d oor. " P ool th at a w ay, m a'a m ." She lo ok g ra te fu l I k no w m y w ay a ro und s o s h e d on't h ave to a sk lik e p oor fo lk .

We p ush o pen th e d oor a nd th e s u n fla sh in o ur e yes a gain , b ut it 's n ic e, c o ole r. T he s w im min g p ool sh in in g b lu e. T he b la ck -a nd -w hit e s tr ip e a w nin gs lo ok c le an. T he a ir s m ell lik e la und ry s o ap . K id s is la ughin g a nd s p la sh in g a nd la d ie s is la yin g a ro und in th ey s w im su it s a nd s u ngla sse s r e ad in g magazin es.

Mis s L eefo lt r o of h er e yes a nd s p y a ro und fo r M is s H illy . S he g o t a w hit e flo ppy h at o n, b la ck -a nd - whit e p olk y-d ot d re ss, c lo nk y w hit e b uck le s a nd als a s iz e to o b ig fo r h er fe et. S he fr o w nin g c ause sh e fe el o ut a p la ce, b ut s m ilin g c ause s h e d on't w ant n o body to k no w it .

" There s h e is ." W e fo llo w M is s L eefo lt a ro und th e p ool to w here M is s H illy is in a r e d b ath in g s u it .

She la id o ut o n a lo unge c hair , w atc hin g h er k id s s w im . I s e e tw o m aid s I d on't k no w w it h o th er fa m ilie s, b ut n o t Y ule M ay.

"T here y 'a ll a re ," M is s H illy s a y. " W hy, M ae M oble y, d on't y o u lo ok lik e a lit tle b utte rb all in th at bik in i. A ib ile en, th e k id s a re r ig ht th ere in th e b ab y p ool. Y ou c an s it in th e s h ad e b ack y o nd er a nd lo ok a fte r th em . D on't le t W illia m s p la sh th e g ir ls , n o w ." Mis s L eefo lt la y d ow n o n th e lo unge c hair n ext to M is s H illy a nd I s e t a t th e ta b le u nd er a u m bre lla , fe w fe et b ehin d th e la d ie s. I p op m y h o se a w ay fr o m m y le gs to d ry th e s w eat. I 'm in a p re tty g o od posit io n fo r h earin g w hat th ey s a y.

"Y ule M ay," M is s H illy s h ak e h er h ead a t M is s L eefo lt . " A no th er d ay o ff. I te ll y o u, th at g ir l is push in g it w it h m e." W ell, th at's o ne m yste ry s o lv ed . M is s H illy in vit e M is s L eefo lt to th e p ool c ause sh e k no w s h e b rin g m e.

Mis s H illy p our m ore c o co a b utte r o n h er p lu m p, ta n le gs, r u b it a ro und . S he a lr e ad y s o g re asy s h e sh in in g. " I a m s o r e ad y to g et d ow n to th e c o ast," M is s H illy s a y. " T hre e w eek s a t th e b each." "I w is h R ale ig h's fa m ily h ad a h o use d ow n th ere ." M is s L eefo lt s ig h. S he p ull h er d re ss u p a lit tle to su n h er w hit e k nees. S he c an't w ear n o b ath in g s u it s in ce s h e p re gnant.

"O f c o urs e w e h ave to p ay th e b us fa re to g et Y ule M ay b ack u p h ere o n th e w eek end s.

Eig ht dolla rs . I o ught to ta k e it o ut o f h er p ay." The k id s y ell th ey w ant to g et in th e b ig p ool n o w . I p ull M ae M oble y's S ty ro fo am b ub ble o ut th e bag, fa ste n it a ro und h er tu m my. M is s H illy h and m e tw o m ore a nd I p ut o ne o n W illia m a nd H eath er to o. T hey g et in th e b ig p ool a nd flo at a ro und lik e a b unch a fis h in g c o rk s. M is s H illy lo ok a t m e, sa y, " A re n't th ey th e c ute st th in gs? " a nd I n o d. T hey s u re is . E ven M is s L eefo lt n o ddin g.

They ta lk a nd I lis te n, b ut th ey a in 't n o m entio n a M is s S keete r o r a s a tc hel. A fte r w hile , M is s H illy se nd m e to th e s n ack w in d ow to g et c herry C o-C ola s fo r e vero ne, e ven m yse lf . A fte r w hile , th e lo custs in th e tr e es s ta rt h um min g, th e s h ad e g et c o ole r a nd I fe el m y e yes, tr a in ed o n th e k id s in th e pool, s ta rt to s a g.

"A ib ee, w atc h m e! L ooky a t m e!" I fo cus m y e yes, s m ile a t M ae M oble y fu nnin g a ro und .

And th at's w hen I s e e M is s S keete r, b ack b ehin d th e p ool, o uts id e th e fe nce. S he g o t o n h er te nnis sk ir t a nd h er r a cq uet in h er h and . S he s ta rin g a t M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt , tilt in g h er h ead lik e s h e so rtin g s o m eth in g o ut. M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt , th ey d on't s e e h er, th ey s till ta lk in g a b out B ilo xi. I watc h M is s S keete r c o m e in th e g ate , w alk a ro und th e p ool. P re tty s o on, s h e s ta nd in g r ig ht in fr o nt a th em a nd th ey s till d on't s e e h er.

"H ey y 'a ll, " M is s S keete r s a y. S he g o t s w eat r u nnin g d ow n h er a rm s. H er fa ce is p in k a nd s w olle d up in th e s u n.

Mis s H illy lo ok u p , b ut s h e s ta y s tr e tc hed o ut o n h er p ool c hair , m agazin e in h er h and . M is s L eefo lt ju m p u p o ff h er c hair a nd s ta nd u p .

"H ey, S keete r! W hy--I d id n't . . . w e tr ie d to c all . . ." H er te eth ju st a b out c hatte rin g s h e s m ilin g s o big .

"H ey, E liz a b eth ." "T ennis ? " M is s L eefo lt a sk , n o ddin g h er h ead lik e s h e a d oll o n a d ash b oard . " W ho 'r e y o u p la yin g wit h ?" "I w as h it tin g b alls o n th e b ack board b y m yse lf ," M is s S keete r s a y. S he b lo w a th ic k et a h air o ff h er fo re head , b ut it 's s tu ck . S he d on't m ove o ut th e s u n, th o ugh.

"H illy ," M is s S keete r s a y, " d id Y ule M ay te ll y o u I c alle d ?" Hilly s m ile k in d a tig ht. " S he's o ff to day." "I c alle d y o u y este rd ay to o." "L ook, S keete r, I d id n't h ave tim e. I h ave b een a t th e c am paig n H .Q . s in ce W ed nesd ay a d dre ssin g envelo pes to p ra ctic ally e very w hit e p ers o n in J a ck so n." "A lr ig ht." M is s S keete r n o d. T hen s h e s q uin t, s a y, " H illy , a re w e . . . d id I . . . d o s o m eth in g to u p se t yo u?" a nd I fe el m y fin gers jig glin g a gain , tw ir lin g th at d um b in vis ib le p encil.

Mis s H illy c lo se h er m agazin e, p ut it o n th e c o ncre te s o s h e d on't g et h er g re ase o n it . " T his s h o uld be d is c usse d a t a la te r tim e, S keete r." Mis s L eefo lt s it b ack d ow n r e al q uic k . S he p ic k u p M is s H illy 's Good H ouse k eep in g , s ta rt r e ad in g it lik e s h e a in 't e ver s e en n o th in g s o im porta nt.

"A lr ig ht." M is s S keete r s h ru g. " I ju st th o ught w e c o uld ta lk a b out . . . w hate ver th is is b efo re y o u g o out o f to w n." Mis s H illy b out to p ro te st, b ut th en s h e le t o ut a lo ng s ig h. " W hy d on't y o u ju st te ll m e th e tr u th , Skeete r? " "T he tr u th a b out w h--" "L ook, I fo und th at para phern alia o f y o urs ." I s w allo w h ard . M is s H illy tr y in g to w his p er b ut s h e re ally a in 't n o g o od a t it .

Mis s S keete r k eep h er e yes o n H illy . S he r e al c alm , d on't lo ok u p a t m e a t a ll. " W hat p ara p hern alia do y o u m ean?" "In y o ur s a tc hel w hen I w as h untin g fo r th e m in ute s? A nd S keete r"- -sh e fla sh h er e yes u p a t th e s k y and b ack d ow n--"I d on't k no w . I ju st d o n o t k no w a nym ore ." "H illy , w hat a re y o u ta lk in g a b out? W hat d id y o u s e e in m y s a tc hel? " I lo ok o ut a t th e k id s, L aw , I a lm ost fo rg o t a b out e m . I fe el lik e I 'm g o ne fa in t lis te nin g to th is .

"T ho se la w s y o u w ere c arry in g a ro und ? A bout w hat th e--" M is s H illy lo ok b ack a t m e. I k eep m y eyes tr a in ed o n th e p ool. " W hat th o se oth er p eo ple c an a nd c anno t d o a nd fr a nk ly ," s h e h is s, " I th in k it 's d ow nrig ht p ig -h ead ed o f y o u. T o th in k y o u k no w b ette r th an o ur g o vern m ent? T han R oss Barn ett? " "W hen d id I e ver s a y a w ord a b out R oss B arn ett? " M is s S keete r s a y.

Mis s H illy w ag h er fin ger u p a t M is s S keete r. M is s L eefo lt s ta rin g a t th e s a m e p age, s a m e lin e, s a m e word . I g o t th e w ho le s c ene fix ed in th e c o rn er a m y e ye.

"Y ou a re n o t a p olit ic ia n, S keete r P hela n." "W ell, n eit h er a re y o u, H illy ." Mis s H illy s ta nd u p th en. S he p oin t h er fin ger to th e g ro und . " I a m a b out to b e a p olit ic ia n's w if e , unle ss y o u h ave a nyth in g to d o w it h it . H ow is W illia m e ver g o in g to g et e le cte d in W ash in gto n, D .C ., one d ay if w e h ave in te gra tio nal fr ie nd s in o ur c lo se t? " "W ash in gto n?" M is s S keete r r o ll h er e yes. " W illia m 's r u nnin g fo r th e lo cal s e nate , H illy . A nd h e m ig ht no t w in ." Oh L aw . I fin ally le t m yse lf lo ok a t M is s S keete r. W hy y o u d oin g th is ? W hy y o u p ush in g h er h o t butto n?

Oh, M is s H illy m ad n o w . S he s n ap h er h ead s tr a ig ht. " Y ou k no w w ell a s I d o, th ere a re g o od, ta x- payin g w hit e p eo ple in th is to w n w ho w ould fig ht y o u to th e d eath o n th is . Y ou w ant to le t th em g et in o ur s w im min g p ools ? L et th em p ut th eir h and s o n e very th in g in o ur g ro cery s to re s? " Mis s S keete r s ta re lo ng a nd h ard a t M is s H illy . T hen, fo r o ne-h alf a s e co nd , M is s S keete r g la nce a t me, s e e th e p le ad in g in m y e yes. H er s h o uld ers e ase b ack s o m e. " O h H illy , it 's ju st a b ookle t. I fo und it a t th e d arn lib ra ry . I 'm n o t tr y in g to c hange a ny la w s, I ju st to ok it h o m e to re a d ." Mis s H illy ta k e th is in a s e co nd . " B ut if y o u'r e lo okin g a t th o se la w s ," M is s H illy s n ap th e le g a h er bath in g s u it th at's c re p t u p h er b ehin d , " I h ave to w ond er, w hat els e a re y o u u p to ?" Mis s S keete r s h if t h er e yes a w ay, lic k h er lip s. " Hilly .

Y ou k no w m e b ette r th an a nyb ody e ls e in th is world . I f I w as u p to s o m eth in g, y o u'd h ave m e fig ure d o ut in h alf a s e co nd ." Mis s H illy ju st w atc h h er. T hen M is s S keete r g ra b M is s H illy 's h and a nd s q ueeze it . " I a m w orrie d ab out y o u. Y ou d is a p pear fo r a n e ntir e w eek , y o u'r e w ork in g y o urs e lf to d eath o n th is c am paig n.

Look a t th at." M is s S keete r tu rn M is s H illy 's p alm o ver. " Y ou h ave a b lis te r fr o m a d dre ssin g a ll th o se e nvelo pes." And r e al s lo w , I w atc h M is s H illy 's b ody s lu m p d ow n, s ta rt to g iv e in o n it s e lf . S he lo ok to m ak e su re M is s L eefo lt a in 't lis te nin g.

"I'm ju st s o s c are d ," M is s H illy w his p er th ro ugh h er te eth . I c an't h ear m uch. " . . . p ile d s o m uch money in th is c am paig n, if W illia m d oesn 't w in . . . b een w ork in g d ay a nd . . ." Mis s S keete r la y a h and o n M is s H illy 's s h o uld er, s a y s o m eth in g to h er. M is s H illy n o d a nd g iv e h er a tir e d s m ile .

Afte r w hile , M is s S keete r te ll th em s h e g o t to g o . S he h ead o ff th ro ugh th e s u nb ath ers , w in d in g th ro ugh th e c hair s a nd th e to w els . M is s L eefo lt lo ok o ver a t M is s H illy w it h b ig e yes, lik e s h e s c are d to a sk a ny q uestio ns.

I le an b ack in m y c hair , w ave to M ae M oble y m ak in g tw ir lie s in th e w ate r. I tr y to r u b th e h ead ache out m y te m ple s. A cro ss th e w ay, M is s S keete r lo ok b ack a t m e. E verb ody a ro und u s is s u nnin g a nd la ughin g a nd s q uin tin g, n o t a s o ul g uessin g th at th e c o lo re d w om an a nd th e w hit e w om an w it h th e te nnis r a cq uet is w ond erin g th e s a m e th in g: is w e fo ols to fe el s o m e r e lie f?

ch ap te r 1 6 A BO UT A Y EA R A FTER T re elo re d ie d , I s ta rte d g o in g to th e C om munit y C oncern s M eetin g a t m y c hurc h. I r e ck on I s ta rte d d oin g it to fill tim e. K eep th e e venin gs fr o m g ettin g s o lo nely . E ven t h o ugh S hir le y B oon, w it h h er b ig k no w -it - a ll s m ile , k in d a ir rit a te m e. M in ny d on't lik e S hir le y n eit h er, b ut s h e u su ally c o m e a nyw ay to g et o ut th e h o use . B ut B enny g o t th e a sth m a to nig ht, s o M in ny a in 't g o ne m ak e it .

L ate ly , th e m eetin gs is m ore a b out c iv il r ig hts th an k eep in g th e s tr e ets c le an a nd w ho g o ne w ork a t t h e c lo th in g e xchange. I t a in 't a ggre ssiv e, m ostly p eo ple ju st ta lk in g th in gs o ut, p ra yin g a b out it . B ut a fte r M r. E vers g o t s h o t a w eek a go , lo t a c o lo re d fo lk s is fr u str a te d in th is to w n. E sp ecia lly th e y o unger o nes, w ho a in 't b uilt u p a c allu s to it y et. T hey d one h ad m eetin gs a ll w eek o ver th e k illin g. I h ear fo lk s w as a ngry , y ellin g, c ry in g. T his th e fir s t o ne I c o m e to s in ce th e s h o otin g.

I w alk d ow n th e s te p s to th e b ase m ent. G enera lly , it 's c o ole r th an u p in th e c hurc h, b ut it 's w arm d ow n h ere to nig ht. F olk s is p uttin g ic e c ub es in th ey c o ffe e. I lo ok a ro und to s e e w ho 's h ere , r e ck onin g I b ette r a sk s o m e m ore m aid s to h elp u s, n o w th at it lo ok lik e w e s q ueak ed b y M is s H illy .

T hir ty -fiv e m aid s d one s a id n o a nd I fe el lik e I 'm s e llin g s o m eth in g n o body w ant to b uy. S om eth in g b ig a nd s tin k y, lik e K ik i B ro w n a nd h er le m on s m ell- g o od p olis h . B ut w hat r e ally m ak es m e a nd K ik i th e s a m e is , I 'm p ro ud a w hat I 'm s e llin g. I c an't h elp it . W e te llin g s to rie s th at n eed to b e to ld .

I w is h M in ny c o uld h elp m e a sk p eo ple . M in ny k no w h o w to p ut a s e ll o n. B ut w e d ecid ed fr o m th e s ta rt, n o body n eed s to k no w M in ny's a p art a th is . I t's ju st to o r is k y fo r h er fa m ily . W e fe lt lik e w e h ad to te ll fo lk s it w as M is s S keete r, th o ugh. N obody w ould a gre e if th ey d id n't k no w w ho th e w hit e l a d y w as, w ond erin g if th ey k new h er o r h ad w ork ed fo r h er. B ut M is s S keete r c an't d o th e fr o nt s e ll. S he'd s c are e m o ff b efo re s h e e ven o pened h er m outh . S o it 's u p to m e a nd it d id n't ta k e b ut f iv e o r s ix m aid s b efo re e verb ody a lr e ad y k no w w hat I 'm o n a sk b efo re I g et th re e w ord s o ut m y m outh . T hey s a y it a in 't w orth it . T hey a sk m e w hy I 'd p ut m y o w n s e lf a t r is k w hen it a in 't g o ne d o n o g o od. I r e ck on p eo ple s is s ta rtin g to th in k o ld A ib ile en's b ask et a in 't g o t m any p aw paw s le ft in it .

A ll th e w ooden fo ld -c hair s is fu ll to nig ht. T hey's o ver fif ty p eo ple h ere , m ostly w om ens.

" S it d ow n b y m e, A ib ile en," B ertr in a B esse m er s a y. " G old ella , le t th e o ld er fo lk h ave th e c hair s ." G old ella ju m p u p , m otio n m e d ow n. L east B ertr in a s till tr e atin g m e lik e I a in 't c ra zy.

I s e ttle in . T onig ht, S hir le y B oon's s it tin g d ow n a nd th e D eaco n s ta nd in g a t th e fr o nt. H e s a y w e n eed a q uie t p ra yer m eetin g to nig ht. S ay w e n eed to h eal. I 'm g la d fo r it . W e c lo se o ur e yes a nd th e D eaco n le ad s u s in a p ra yer fo r th e E vers e s, fo r M yrlie , fo r th e s o ns. S om e fo lk s is w his p erin g, m urm urin g to G od, a nd a q uie t p ow er fill u p th e r o om , lik e b ees b uzzin g o n a c o m b. I s a y m y p ra yers to m yse lf . W hen I 'm d one, I ta k e a d eep b re ath , w ait fo r th e o th ers to fin is h . W hen I g et h o m e to nig ht, I 'll w rit e m y p ra yers to o. T his is w orth th e d oub le tim e.

Y ule M ay, M is s H illy 's m aid , s e ttin g in fr o nt a m e. Y ule M ay e asy to r e co gniz e fr o m th e b ack c ause s h e g o t s u ch g o od h air , s m ooth , n o n ap to it . I h ear s h e e d ucate d , w ent th ro ugh m ost a c o lle ge.

C ours e w e g o t p le nty a s m art p eo ple in o ur c hurc h w it h th ey c o lle ge d egre es. D octo rs , la w yers , M r.

C ro ss w ho o w n The S outh ern T im es , th e c o lo re d n ew sp ap er th at c o m e o ut e ver w eek . B ut Y ule M ay, s h e p ro bab ly th e m ost e d ucate d m aid w e g o t in o ur p aris h . S eein g h er m ak es m e th in k a gain ab out th e w ro ng I n eed to r ig ht.

The D eaco n o pen h is e yes, lo ok o ut o n u s a ll r e al q uie t. " T he p ra yers w e a re s a y--" "D eaco n T ho ro ughgo od," a d eep v o ic e b oom th ro ugh s tilln ess. I tu rn --e verb ody tu rn --a nd th ere 's Je ssu p , P la nta in F id elia 's g ra nd so n, s ta nd in g in th e d oorw ay. H e tw enty -tw o, tw enty -th re e. H e g o t his h and s in th ic k fis ts .

"W hat I w ant to k no w is ," h e s a y s lo w , a ngry , " w hat w e p la n to do a b out it ." Deaco n g o t a s te rn lo ok o n h is fa ce lik e h e d one ta lk ed w it h J e ssu p b efo re . " T onig ht, w e a re g o in g to lif t o ur p ra yers to G od. W e w ill m arc h p eacefu lly d ow n th e s tr e ets o f J a ck so n n ext T uesd ay. A nd in A ugust, I w ill s e e y o u in W ash in gto n to m arc h w it h D octo r K in g." "T hat is n o t e no ugh!" J e ssu p s a y, b angin g h is fis t o n h is h and . " T hey s h o t h im in th e b ack lik e a d og!" "J e ssu p ." D eaco n r a is e h is h and . " T onig ht is fo r p ra yer. F or th e fa m ily . F or th e la w yers o n th e c ase . I und ers ta nd y o ur a nger, b ut, s o n--" "P ra yer? Y ou m ean y 'a ll ju st g o nna s it a ro und a nd p ra y a b out it ? " He lo ok a ro und a t a ll a u s in o ur c hair s .

"Y 'a ll th in k pra yer's g o in g to k eep w hit e p eo ple fr o m k illin g u s? " No o ne a nsw er, n o t e ven th e D eaco n. J e ssu p ju st tu rn a nd le ave. W e a ll h ear h is fe et s to m pin g u p th e s ta ir s a nd th en o ver o ur h ead s o ut th e c hurc h.

The r o om is r e al q uie t. D eaco n T ho ro ughgo od g o t h is e yes lo ck ed a fe w in ches a b ove o ur h ead s.

It's s tr a nge. H e a in 't a m an n o t to lo ok y o u in th e e ye. E verb ody s ta rin g a t h im , e verb ody w ond erin g what h e th in k in g s o th at h e c an't lo ok in o ur fa ces. T hen I s e e Y ule M ay s h ak in g h er h ead , r e al s m all, but lik e s h e m ean it a nd I r e ck on th e D eaco n a nd Y ule M ay is th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. T hey th in k in g ab out w hat J e ssu p a sk . A nd Y ule M ay, s h e ju st a nsw erin g th e q uestio n.

TH E M EETIN G E nd s a ro und e ig ht o 'c lo ck . T he o nes w ho g o t k id s g o o n, o th ers g et o urs e lv es co ffe e fr o m th e ta b le in th e b ack . T hey a in 't m uch c hatte r. P eo ple q uie t. I ta k e a b re ath , g o to Y ule May s ta nd in g a t th e c o ffe e u rn . I ju st w ant to g et th is lie o ff th at's s tu ck o n m e lik e a c o ck le b ur. I ain 't g o ne a sk n o body e ls e a t th e m eetin g. A in 't n o body g o ne b uy m y s tin k y s m ell- g o od to nig ht.

Yule M ay n o d a t m e, s m ile p olit e . S he a b out fo rty a nd ta ll a nd th in . S he d one k ep t h er fig ure n ic e.

She s till w earin g h er w hit e u nif o rm a nd it fit tr im o n h er w ais t. S he a lw ays w ear e arrin gs, tin y g o ld lo ops.

"I h ear th e tw in s is g o in g to T ougalo o C olle ge n ext y ear. C ongra tu la tio ns." "W e h o pe s o . W e'v e s till g o t a lit tle m ore to s a ve. T w o a t o nce's a lo t." "Y ou w ent to a g o od b it a c o lle ge y o urs e lf , d id n't y o u?" She n o d, s a y, " J a ck so n C olle ge." "I lo ved s c ho ol. T he r e ad in g a nd th e w rit in g. C ep t th e r it h m atic . I d id n't ta k e to th at." Yule M ay s m ile s. " T he E nglis h w as m y fa vo rit e to o. T he w rit in g." "I b een . . . w rit in g s o m e m yse lf ." Yule M ay lo ok m e in th e e ye a nd I c an te ll th en s h e k no w w hat I 'm a b out to s a y. F or a s e co nd , I can s e e th e s h am e s h e s w allo w e ver d ay, w ork in g in th at h o use . T he fe ar. I fe el e m barra sse d to a sk her.

But Y ule M ay s a y it b efo re I h ave to . " I k no w a b out th e s to rie s y o u'r e w ork in g o n. W it h th at fr ie nd of M is s H illy 's ." "It's a lr ig ht, Y ule M ay. I k no w y o u c an't d o it ." "It's ju st... a r is k I c an't a ffo rd to ta k e r ig ht n o w . W e s o c lo se to g ettin g e no ugh m oney to geth er." "I u nd ers ta nd ," I s a y a nd I s m ile , le t h er k no w s h e o ff th e h o ok. B ut Y ule M ay d on't m ove a w ay.

"T he n am es . . . y o u'r e c hangin g th em , I h eard ?" This th e s a m e q uestio n e verb ody a sk , c ause th ey c urio us.

"T hat's r ig ht. A nd th e n am e a th e to w n, to o." She lo ok d ow n a t th e flo or. " S o I 'd te ll m y s to rie s a b out b ein g a m aid a nd s h e'd w rit e th em d ow n?

Edit th em o r . . . s o m eth in g lik e th at? " I n o d. " W e w ant a d o a ll k in d a s to rie s. G ood th in gs a nd b ad . S he w ork in g w it h . . . a no th er m aid rig ht n o w ." Yule M ay lic k h er lip s, lo ok lik e s h e im agin in g it , te llin g w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r M is s H illy .

"C ould w e . . . ta lk a b out th is s o m e m ore ? W hen I h ave m ore tim e?" "A c o urs e ," I s a y, a nd I s e e, in h er e yes, s h e a in 't ju st b ein g n ic e.

"I'm s o rry , b ut H enry a nd th e b oys a re w ait in g o n m e," s h e s a ys. " B ut m ay I c all y o u? A nd ta lk in priv ate ?" "A nytim e. W henever y o u fe el lik e it ." She to uch m y a rm a nd lo ok m e s tr a ig ht in th e e yes a gain . I c an't b elie ve w hat I s e e. I t's lik e s h e b een wait in g o n m e to a sk h er a ll th is tim e.

Then s h e g o ne o ut th e d oor. I s ta nd in th e c o rn er a m in ute , d rin k in g c o ffe e to o h o t fo r th e w eath er. I la ugh a nd m utte r to m yse lf , e ven th o ugh e verb ody g o ne th in k I 'm e ven c ra zie r fo r it .

MIN NY ch ap te r 1 7 G O O N O UT A H ER E S O I C AN D O M Y C LEA N IN G." M is s C elia d ra w s th e c o vers u p a ro und h er c hest lik e s h e's a fr a id I m ig ht je rk h er o ut o f b ed . N in e m onth s h ere a nd I s till d on't k no w if s h e's s ic k in th e b ody o r fr ie d u p h er w it s w it h th e h air c o lo rin g.

S he d oes lo ok b ette r th an w hen I s ta rte d . H er tu m my's g o t a lit tle fa t o n it , h er c heek s a re n't s o h o llo w a s th ey w ere , o ut h ere s ta rv in g h er a nd M is te r J o hnny to d eath .

F or a w hile , M is s C elia w as w ork in g in th e b ack yard a ll th e tim e b ut n o w th at c ra zy la d y's b ack to s it tin g a ro und th e b ed a gain . I u se d to b e g la d s h e s ta yed h o le d u p in h er r o om . N ow th at I 'v e m et M is te r J o hnny, th o ugh, I 'm r e ad y to work .

A nd d am n it , I 'm r e ad y to g et M is s C elia in s h ap e to o.

" Y ou d riv in g m e c ra zy h angin g a ro und th is h o use tw enty -fiv e h o urs a d ay. G et. G o c ho p d ow n th at p oor m im osa tr e e y o u h ate s o m uch," I s a y, b ecause M r. J o hnny n ever d id c ho p th at th in g d ow n.

B ut w hen M is s C elia d oesn 't m ove fr o m th at m attr e ss, I k no w it 's tim e to p ull o ut th e b ig g uns.

" W hen y o u g o ne te ll M is te r J o hnny a b out m e?" B ecause th at a lw ays g ets h er m ovin g. S om etim es I j u st a sk it fo r m y o w n e nte rta in m ent.

I c an't b elie ve th e c hara d e h as g o ne o n th is lo ng, w it h M is te r J o hnny k no w in g a b out m e, a nd M is s C elia w alk in g a ro und lik e a d in g-a -lin g, lik e s h e's s till p ullin g h er tr ic k . I t w as n o s u rp ris e w hen th e C hris tm as d ead lin e c am e a nd s h e b egged fo r m ore tim e. O h I r a ile d h er a b out it , b ut th en th e fo ol s ta rte d b oo-h o oin g s o I le t h er o ff th e h o ok ju st s o s h e'd s h ut u p , to ld h er it w as h er C hris tm as p re se nt. S he o ught to g et a s to ck in g c ho ck fu ll o f c o al fo r a ll th e lie s s h e's to ld .

T hank th e L ord M is s H illy h asn 't s h o w ed u p h ere to p la y b rid ge, e ven th o ugh M is te r J o hnny tr ie d to s e t it u p a gain ju st tw o w eek s a go . I k no w b ecause A ib ile en to ld m e s h e h eard M is s H illy a nd M is s L eefo lt la ughin g a b out it . M is s C elia g o t a ll s e rio us, a sk in g m e w hat to c o ok if th ey c o m e o ver.

O rd ere d a b ook in th e m ail to le arn th e g am e, Brid ge f o r t h e B eg in ner.

O ught to c all it Brid ge f o r t h e B ra in le ss.

W hen it c am e th is m orn in g in th e m ailb ox, s h e d id n't r e ad it fo r tw o s e co nd s b efo re s h e a sk ed , " W ill y o u te ach m e to p la y, M in ny? T his b rid ge b ook d oesn 't m ak e a lic k o f s e nse ." " I d on't k no w h o w to p la y n o b rid ge," I s a id .

" Y es, y o u d o." " H ow y o u k no w w hat I c an d o?" I s ta rte d b angin g p ots a ro und , ir rit a te d ju st b y th e lo oks o f th at s tu p id r e d c o ver. I fin ally g o t M is te r J o hnny o ut th e w ay a nd n o w I h ave to w orry a b out M is s H illy c o m in g o ver a nd r a ttin g m e o ut. S he'll te ll M is s C elia w hat I d id fo r s u re . S ho ot. I 'd fir e m y o w n s e lf f o r w hat I d id .

" B ecause M is su s W alt e rs to ld m e y o u u se d to p ra ctic e w it h h er o n S atu rd ay m orn in gs." I s ta rte d s c ru b bin g th e b ig p ot. M y k nuck le s h it th e s id es, m ak in g a c la ngin g n o is e .

" P la yin g c ard s is th e d evil's g am e," I s a id . " A nd I g o t to o m uch to d o a lr e ad y." " B ut I 'll g et a ll flu ste re d w it h th o se g ir ls o ver h ere tr y in g to te ach m e. W on't y o u ju st s h o w m e a lit tle ?" "N o." Mis s C elia h um med o ut a lit tle s ig h. " It's c ause I 'm s u ch a b ad c o ok, is n 't it ? Y ou th in k I c an't le arn anyth in g n o w ." "W hat y o u g o ne d o if M is s H illy a nd th em la d ie s te ll y o ur h usb and y o u g o t a m aid o ut h ere ? A in 't th at g o ne b lo w y o ur c o ver? " "I'v e a lr e ad y w ork ed th at o ut. I 'll te ll J o hnny I 'm b rin gin g in s o m e h elp fo r th e d ay s o it 'll lo ok p ro per and a ll fo r th e o th er la d ie s." "M m-h m m." "T hen I 'll te ll h im I lik e y o u s o m uch I w ant to h ir e y o u fu ll- tim e. I m ean, I c o uld te ll h im th at . . . in a fe w m onth s." I s ta rte d to s w eat th en. " W hen y o u th in k th em la d ie s is c o m in g o ver fo r y o ur b rid ge p arty ?" "I'm ju st w ait in g fo r H illy to c all m e b ack . J o hnny to ld h er h usb and I 'd b e c allin g. I le ft h er tw o messa ges, s o I 'm s u re s h e'll c all m e b ack a nytim e n o w ." I s ta nd th ere tr y in g to th in k o f s o m eth in g to s to p th is fr o m h ap penin g. I lo ok a t th e p ho ne, p ra y it never r in gs a gain .

TH E N EX T M ORN IN G, w hen I g et in fo r w ork , M is s C elia c o m es o ut o f h er b ed ro om . I th in k sh e's a b out to s n eak u p sta ir s , w hic h s h e's s ta rte d to d o a gain , b ut th en I h ear h er o n th e k it c hen te le p ho ne a sk in g fo r M is s H illy . I g et a s ic k , s ic k fe elin g.

"I w as ju st c allin g a gain to s e e a b out g ettin g a b rid ge g am e to geth er!" s h e s a ys a ll c heerfu l a nd I don't m ove u ntil I k no w it 's Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid , s h e's ta lk in g to a nd n o t M is s H illy h ers e lf . M is s Celia s p ells o ut h er te le p ho ne n um ber lik e a flo or- m oppin g jin gle , " E m ers o n tw o-six ty -six -o h-n in e!" And h alf a m in ute la te r, s h e's c allin g u p a no th er n am e fr o m th e b ack o f th at s tu p id p ap er, lik e s h e's go tte n in to th e h ab it o f d oin g e very o th er d ay. I k no w w hat th at th in g is , it 's th e n ew sle tte r fr o m th e Lad ie s L eague, a nd fr o m th e lo oks o f it s h e fo und it in th e p ark in g lo t o f th at la d ie s' c lu b . I t's r o ugh as s a nd pap er a nd w ilt e d , lik e it s a t th ro ugh a r a in sto rm a fte r b lo w in g o ut o f s o m eb ody's pock etb ook.

So fa r, n o t o ne o f th o se g ir ls h as e ver c alle d h er b ack , b ut e very tim e th at p ho ne r in gs, s h e ju m ps o n it lik e a d og o n a c o on. I t's a lw ays M is te r J o hnny.

"A lr ig ht...ju st...te ll h er I c alle d a gain ," M is s C elia s a ys in to th e p ho ne. I h ear h er h ang it u p r e al s o ft. I f I c are d , w hic h I d on't , I 'd te ll h er th o se la d ie s a in 't w orth it . " T ho se la d ie s a in 't w orth it , M is s C elia ," I h ear m yse lf s a yin g. B ut s h e a cts lik e s h e c an't h ear m e. S he g o es back to th e b ed ro om a nd c lo se s th e d oor.

I th in k a b out k no ck in g, s e ein g if s h e n eed s a nyth in g. B ut I 'v e g o t m ore im porta nt th in gs to w orry ab out th an if M is s C elia 's w on th e d am n p opula rit y c o nte st. W hat w it h M ed gar E vers s h o t o n h is ow n d oors te p a nd F elic ia c la m merin g fo r h er d riv er's lic ense , n o w th at s h e's tu rn ed fif te en--sh e's a go od g ir l b ut I g o t p re gnant w it h L ero y J u nio r w hen I w asn 't m uch o ld er th an h er a nd a B uic k h ad so m eth in g to d o w it h it . A nd o n to p o f a ll th at, n o w I 'v e g o t M is s S keete r a nd h er s to rie s to w orry ab out.

AT T H E E nd O f J U N E, a h eat w ave o f a h und re d d egre es m oves in a nd d oesn 't b ud ge. I t's lik e a ho t w ate r b ottle p lo pped o n to p o f th e c o lo re d n eig hb orh o od, m ak in g it te n d egre es w ors e th an th e re st o f J a ck so n. I t's s o h o t, M is te r D unn's r o oste r w alk s in m y d oor a nd s q uats h is r e d s e lf r ig ht in fr o nt o f m y k it c hen fa n. I c o m e in to fin d h im lo okin g a t m e lik e I a in 't m ovin g n ow here , la dy.

H e'd ra th er g et b eat w it h a b ro om th an g o b ack o ut in th at n o nse nse .

Out in M ad is o n C ounty , th e h eat o ffic ia lly m ak es M is s C elia th e la zie st p ers o n in th e U . S . o f A . S he won't e ven g et th e m ail o ut th e b ox a nym ore , I h ave to d o it . I t's e ven to o h o t fo r M is s C elia to s it out a t th e p ool. W hic h is a p ro ble m fo r m e.

See, I th in k if G od h ad in te nd ed fo r w hit e p eo ple a nd c o lo re d p eo ple to b e th is c lo se to geth er fo r s o much o f th e d ay, h e w ould 'v e m ad e u s c o lo r- b lin d . A nd w hile M is s C elia 's g rin nin g a nd " g o od morn in g" a nd " g la d to s e e"- in g m e, I 'm w ond erin g, h o w d id s h e g et th is fa r in lif e w it h o ut k no w in g where th e lin es a re d ra w n? I m ean, a flo ozy c allin g th e s o cie ty la d ie s is b ad e no ugh. B ut s h e h as s a t dow n a nd e ate n lu nch w it h m e e very s in gle d ay s in ce I s ta rte d w ork in g h ere . I d on't m ean in th e sa m e r o om , I m ean a t th e s a m e ta ble .

T hat lit tle o ne u p u nd er th e w in d ow . E very w hit e w om an I 'v e ever w ork ed fo r a te in th e d in in g r o om a s fa r a w ay fr o m th e c o lo re d h elp a s th ey c o uld . A nd th at was fin e w it h m e.

"B ut w hy? I d on't w ant to e at in th ere a ll b y m yse lf w hen I c o uld e at in h ere w it h y o u," M is s C elia sa id . I d id n't e ven tr y to e xp la in it to h er. T here a re s o m any th in gs M is s C elia is ju st p la in ig nora nt ab out.

Every o th er w hit e w om an a ls o k no w s th at th ere is a tim e o f th e m onth w hen y o u d o not to ta lk to Min ny. E ven M is s W alt e rs k new w hen th e M in -O -M ete r w as r u nnin g h o t. S he'd s m ell th e c ara m el co okin g a nd c ane h ers e lf r ig ht o ut th e d oor. W ould n't e ven le t M is s H illy c o m e o ver.

Last w eek , th e s u gar a nd b utte r h ad fille d M is s C elia 's w ho le h o use w it h th e s m ell o f C hris tm as e ven th o ugh it w as th e c ry in g s h am e o f J u ne. I w as te nse , a s u su al, tu rn in g m y s u gar to c ara m el. I a sk ed her th re e tim es, very p olit e ly , if I c o uld n't d o th is b y m yse lf , b ut s h e w ante d to b e in th ere w it h m e.

Said s h e w as g ettin g lo nely b ein g in h er b ed ro om a ll th e d ay lo ng. I tr ie d to ig no re h er. P ro ble m w as, I h ave to ta lk to m yse lf w hen I m ak e a c ara m el c ak e o r e ls e I g et to o jit te ry .

I s a id , " H otte st d ay in J u ne h is to ry . A h und re d a nd fo ur o uts id e." And s h e s a id , " D o y o u h ave a ir - c o nd it io nin g? T hank g o odness w e h ave it h ere c ause I g re w u p wit h o ut it a nd I k no w w hat it 's lik e b ein g h o t." And I s a id , " C an't a ffo rd n o a ir - c o nd it io nin g. T hem th in gs e at c urre nt lik e a b oll w eevil o n c o tto n." And I s ta rte d s tir rin g h ard b ecause th e b ro w n w as ju st fo rm in g o n th e to p a nd th at's w hen y o u'v e re ally g o t to w atc h it a nd I s a y, " W e a lr e ad y la te o n th e lig ht b ill, " b ecause I 'm n o t th in k in g s tr a ig ht and d o y o u k no w w hat s h e s a id ? S he s a id , " O h, M in ny, I w is h I c o uld lo an y o u th e m oney, b ut Jo hnny's b een a sk in g a ll th ese fu nny q uestio ns la te ly ," a nd I tu rn ed to in fo rm h er th at e very tim e a Negro c o m pla in ed a b out th e c o st o f liv in g d id n't m ean s h e w as b eggin g fo r m oney, b ut b efo re I co uld s a y a w ord , I 'd b urn ed u p m y d am n c ara m el.

AT S U N DAY C HURC H S ERV IC E, S hir le y B oon g ets u p in fr o nt o f th e c o ngre gatio n. W it h h er lip s fla p pin g lik e a fla g, s h e r e m in d s u s th at th e " C om munit y C oncern s" m eetin g is W ed nesd ay n ig ht, to dis c uss a s it - in a t th e W oolw orth 's lu nch c o unte r o n A mit e S tr e et. B ig n o sy S hir le y p oin ts h er fin ger at u s a nd s a ys, " T he m eetin g is a t s e ven s o b e o n tim e. N o e xcuse s!" S he r e m in d s m e o f a b ig , whit e , u gly s c ho olt e acher. T he k in d th at n o body e ver w ants to m arry .

"Y ou c o m in g o n W ed nesd ay?" a sk s A ib ile en. W e'r e w alk in g h o m e in th e th re e o 'c lo ck h eat. I 'v e g o t my fu nera l fa n in m y fis t. I 'm w avin g it s o fa st it lo oks lik e it 's g o t a m oto r o n it .

"I a in 't g o t tim e," I s a y.

"Y ou g o ne m ak e m e g o b y m yse lf a gain ? C om e o n, I 'm o n b rin g s o m e g in gerb re ad a nd s o m e--" "I sa id I c an't g o ." Aib ile en n o ds, s a ys, " A lr ig ht th en." S he k eep s w alk in g.

"B enny . . . m ig ht g et th e a sth m a a gain . I d on't w ant a le ave h im ." "M m-h m m," A ib ile en s a ys. " Y ou'n te ll m e th e r e al r e aso n w hen y o u r e ad y." We tu rn o n G essu m , w alk a ro und a c ar th at's p lu m b d ie d o f h eat s tr o ke in th e r o ad . " O h, fo re I fo rg et, M is s S keete r w ants to c o m e o ver e arly T uesd ay n ig ht," A ib ile en s a ys. " B out s e ven. Y ou mak e it th en?" "L ord ," I s a y, g ettin g ir rit a te d a ll o ver a gain . " W hat a m I d oin g? I m ust b e c ra zy, g iv in g th e s w orn se cre ts a th e c o lo re d r a ce to a w hit e la d y." "It's ju st M is s S keete r, s h e a in 't lik e th e r e st." "F eel lik e I 'm ta lk in g b ehin d m y o w n b ack ," I s a y. I 'v e m et w it h M is s S keete r a t le ast fiv e tim es n o w .

It's n o t g ettin g a ny e asie r.

"Y ou w ant a s to p c o m in g?" A ib ile en a sk s. " I d on't w ant y o u to fe el lik e y o u h ave to ." I d on't a nsw er her.

"Y ou s till th ere , M ?" s h e s a ys.

"I ju st . . . I w ant th in gs to b e b ette r fo r th e k id s," I s a y. " B ut it 's a s o rry fa ct th at it 's a w hit e w om an doin g th is ." "C om e to th e c o m munit y m eetin g w it h m e o n W ed nesd ay. W e ta lk m ore a b out it th en," A ib ile en s a ys wit h a lit tle s m ile .

I k new A ib ile en w ould n't d ro p it . I s ig h. " I g o t in tr o ub le , a lr ig ht? " "W it h w ho ?" "S hir le y B oon," I s a y. " L ast m eetin g e very b ody w as h o ld in g h and s a nd p ra yin g th ey g o ne le t b la ck s in th e w hit e b ath ro om a nd ta lk in g a b out h o w th ey g o ne s e t d ow n o n a s to ol a t W oolw orth 's a nd n o t fig ht b ack a nd th ey a ll s m ilin g lik e th is w orld g o ne b e a s h in y n ew p la ce a nd I ju st . . . I p opped . I to ld S hir le y B oon h er a ss w on't fit o n n o s to ol a t W oolw orth 's a nyw ay." "W hat S hir le y s a y?" I p ull o ut m y te acher la d y v o ic e.

"'I f y o u c a n't s a y n oth in g n ic e, t h en y o u o ught n ot s a y n oth in g at a ll.'" When w e g et to h er h o use , I lo ok o ver a t A ib ile en. S he's h o ld in g d ow n a la ugh s o h ard s h e's g o ne purp le .

"It a in 't fu nny," I s a y.

"I a m g la d y o u'r e m y fr ie nd , M in ny J a ck so n." A nd s h e g iv es m e a b ig h ug u ntil I r o ll m y e yes a nd te ll her I h ave to g o .

I k eep w alk in g a nd tu rn a t th e c o rn er. I d id n't w ant A ib ile en to k no w th at. I d on't w ant a nyb ody to kno w h o w m uch I n eed th o se S keete r s to rie s. N ow th at I c an't c o m e to th e S hir le y B oon m eetin gs anym ore , th at's p re tty m uch a ll I 'v e g o t. A nd I a m n o t s a yin g th e M is s S keete r m eetin gs a re fu n.

Every tim e w e m eet, I c o m pla in . I m oan. I g et m ad a nd th ro w a h o t p ota to fit . B ut h ere 's th e th in g: I lik e te llin g m y s to rie s. I t fe els lik e I 'm d oin g s o m eth in g a b out it . W hen I le ave, th e c o ncre te in m y chest h as lo ose ned , m elt e d d ow n s o I c an b re ath e fo r a fe w d ays.

And I k no w th ere a re p le nty o f o th er " c o lo re d " th in gs I c o uld d o b esid es te llin g m y s to rie s o r g o in g to S hir le y B oon's m eetin gs--th e m ass m eetin gs in to w n, th e m arc hes in B ir m in gham , th e v o tin g r a llie s up sta te . B ut tr u th is , I d on't c are th at m uch a b out v o tin g. I d on't c are a b out e atin g a t a c o unte r w it h whit e p eo ple . W hat I c are a b out is , if in te n y ears , a w hit e la d y w ill c all m y g ir ls d ir ty a nd a ccuse th em o f s te alin g th e s ilv er.

AT H O M E T H AT N IG HT, I g et th e b utte r b eans s im merin g, th e h am in th e s k ille t.

"K in d ra , g et e verb ody in h ere ," I s a y to m y s ix -y ear- o ld . " W e r e ad y to e at." "Suuuuppperrrrr," K in d ra y ells , n o t m ovin g a n in ch fr o m w here s h e's s ta nd in g.

"Y ou g o g et y o ur d ad dy th e p ro per w ay," I y ell. " W hat I te ll y o u a b out y ellin g in m y h o use ?" Kin d ra r o lls h er e yes a t m e lik e s h e's ju st b een a sk ed to d o th e s tu p id est th in g in th e w orld . S he sta m ps h er fe et d ow n th e h all. "Suuupperrr! " "K in dra ! " The k it c hen is th e o nly r o om in th e h o use w e c an a ll fit in to geth er. T he r e st a re s e t u p a s b ed ro om s.

Me a nd L ero y's r o om is in th e b ack , n ext to th at is a lit tle r o om fo r L ero y J u nio r a nd B enny, a nd th e fr o nt liv in g r o om 's b een tu rn ed in to a b ed ro om fo r F elic ia , S ugar, a nd K in d ra . S o a ll th at le aves is th e k it c hen. U nle ss it 's c ra zy c o ld o uts id e, o ur b ack d oor s ta ys o pen w it h th e s c re en s h ut to k eep out th e flie s. A ll th e tim e th ere 's th e r o ar o f k id s a nd c ars a nd n eig hb ors a nd d ogs b ark in g.

Lero y c o m es in a nd s it s a t th e ta b le n ext to B enny, w ho 's s e ven. F elic ia fills u p th e g la sse s w it h m ilk or w ate r. K in d ra c arrie s a p la te o f b eans a nd h am to h er d ad dy a nd c o m es b ack to th e s to ve fo r more . I h and h er a no th er p la te .

"T his o ne fo r B enny," I s a y.

"B enny, g et u p a nd h elp y o ur m am a," L ero y s a ys.

"B enny g o t th e a sth m a. H e d on't n eed to b e d oin g n o th in g." B ut m y s w eet b oy g ets u p a nyw ay, ta k es th e p la te fr o m K in d ra . M y k id s k no w h o w to w ork .

They a ll s e t a t th e ta b le e xcep t m e. T hre e c hild re n a re h o m e to nig ht. L ero y J u nio r, w ho 's a s e nio r a t Lenie r H ig h, is b aggin g g ro cerie s a t th e J it n ey 1 4. T hat's th e w hit e g ro cery s to re o ver in M is s H illy 's neig hb orh o od. S ugar, m y o ld est g ir l, in te nth g ra d e, b ab ysit s fo r o ur n eig hb or T allu la h w ho w ork s la te . W hen S ugar's fin is h ed , s h e'll w alk h o m e a nd d riv e h er d ad dy to th e la te s h if t a t th e p ip e-fit tin g pla nt, th en p ic k u p L ero y J u nio r fr o m th e g ro cery . L ero y S enio r w ill g et a r id e fr o m th e p la nt a t fo ur in th e m orn in g w it h T allu la h's h usb and . I t a ll w ork s o ut.

Lero y e ats , b ut h is e yes a re o n th e Ja ck so n J o urn al n ext to h is p la te . H e's n o t e xactly k no w n fo r his s w eet n atu re w hen h e w ak es u p . I g la nce o ver fr o m th e s to ve a nd s e e th e s it - in a t B ro w n's D ru g Sto re is th e fr o nt- p age n ew s. I t's n o t S hir le y's g ro up , it 's p eo ple fr o m G re enw ood. A b unch o f w hit e te enagers s ta nd b ehin d th e fiv e p ro te ste rs o n th eir s to ols , je erin g a nd ja b bin g, p ourin g k etc hup a nd musta rd a nd s a lt a ll o ver th eir h ead s.

"H ow th ey d o th at? " F elic ia p oin ts a t th e p ic tu re . " S it th ere w it h o ut fig htin g b ack ?" "T hat's w hat th ey s u p pose d to d o," s a ys L ero y.

"I fe el lik e s p it tin g lo okin g a t th at p ic tu re ," I s a y.

"W e ta lk a b out it la te r." L ero y fo ld s th e p ap er in q uarte rs a nd tu ck s it u nd er h is th ig h.

Felic ia s a ys to B enny, n o t q uie t e no ugh, " G ood th in g M am a w asn 't u p o n o ne a th em s to ols . E ls e no ne a th em w hit e fo lk s h ad a ny te eth le ft." "A nd M am a b e in th e P arc hm an ja il, " s a ys B enny fo r e very b ody to h ear.

Kin d ra p ro ps h er a rm o n h er h ip . " N uh-u h. A in 't n o body p uttin g m y m am a in ja il. I b eat th o se w hit e peo ple w it h a s tic k till th ey b le ed ." Lero y p oin ts h is fin ger a t e very o ne o f th em . " I d on't w ant to h ear a w ord a b out it o uts id e th is h o use .

It's to o d angero us. Y ou h ear m e, B enny? F elic ia ?" T hen h e p oin ts h is fin ger a t K in d ra . " Y ou h ear me?" Benny a nd F elic ia n o d th eir h ead s, lo ok d ow n a t th eir p la te s. I 'm s o rry I s ta rte d a ll th is a nd g iv e Kin d ra th e k eep -it - sh ut lo ok. B ut L it tle M is s S om eth in g s la p s h er fo rk d ow n o n th e ta b le , c lim bs o ut of h er c hair . " I h ate w hit e p eo ple ! A nd I 'm o n te ll e verb ody if I w ant to !" I c hase h er d ow n th e h all. W hen I c atc h h er, I p ota to s a ck h er b ack to th e ta b le .

"I'm s o rry , D ad dy," F elic ia s a ys b ecause s h e's th e k in d th at's g o in g to ta k e th e b la m e fo r e very o ne every tim e. " A nd I lo ok a fte r K in d ra . S he d on't k no w w hat s h e s a yin g." But L ero y s m ack s h is h and o n th e ta b le . " N obody's g ettin g in th at m ess! Y 'a ll h ear m e?" A nd h e sta re s h is c hild re n d ow n. I tu rn to th e s to ve s o h e c an't s e e m y fa ce. L ord h elp m e if h e fin d s o ut what I 'm d oin g w it h M is s S keete r.

All T H E N EX T W EEK , I h ear M is s C elia o n h er b ed ro om p ho ne, le avin g m essa ges a t M is s H illy 's ho use , E liz a b eth L eefo lt 's h o use , M is s P ark er's h o use , b oth C ald w ell s is te rs , a nd te n o th er s o cie ty la d ie s. E ven M is s S keete r's h o use , w hic h I d on't lik e o ne b it . I to ld M is s S keete r m yse lf :

Don't e v en th in k a bout c a llin g h er b ack . D on't t a ngle u p t h is w eb a ny m ore t h an it a lr e a dy is .

The ir rit a tin g p art is , a fte r M is s C elia m ak es th ese s tu p id c alls a nd h angs u p th e p ho ne, s h e p ic k s th at r e ceiv er r ig ht b ack u p . S he lis te ns fo r a d ia l to ne in c ase th e lin e d oesn 't g o fr e e.

"A in 't n o th in g w ro ng w it h th at p ho ne," I s a y. S he ju st k eep s s m ilin g a t m e lik e s h e's b een d oin g fo r a month n o w , lik e s h e's g o t a p ock etfu l o f p ap er m oney.

"W hy y o u in s u ch a g o od m ood?" I fin ally a sk h er. " M is te r J o hnny b ein g s w eet o r s o m eth in g?" I 'm lo ad in g u p m y n ext " W hen y o u g o ne te ll" b ut s h e b eats m e to it .

"O h, h e's b ein g s w eet a lr ig ht," s h e s a ys. " A nd it 's n o t g o nna b e m uch lo nger u ntil I te ll h im a b out yo u." "G ood," I s a y a nd I m ean it . I a m s ic k o f th is ly in g g am e. I im agin e h o w s h e m ust s m ile a t M is te r Jo hnny w hen s h e h and s h im m y p ork c ho ps, h o w th at n ic e m an h as to a ct lik e h e's s o p ro ud o f h er when h e k no w s it 's m e d oin g th e c o okin g. S he's m ak in g a fo ol o f h ers e lf , a fo ol o f h er n ic e h usb and , and a lia r o ut o f m e.

"M in ny, w ould y o u m in d fe tc hin g th e m ail fo r m e?" s h e a sk s e ven th o ugh s h e's s it tin g h ere a ll d re sse d and I 'v e g o t b utte r o n m y h and s a nd a w ash in th e m achin e a nd a m oto r b le nd er g o in g. S he's lik e a Philis tin e o n a S und ay, th e w ay s h e w on't ta k e b ut s o m any s te p s a d ay. E xcep t e very d ay's S und ay aro und h ere .

I c le an o ff m y h and s a nd h ead o ut to th e b ox, s w eat h alf a g allo n o n th e w ay. I m ean, it 's o nly n in ety - nin e d egre es o uts id e. T here 's a tw o-fo ot p ack age s it tin g n ext to th e m ailb ox, in th e g ra ss. I 'v e s e en her w it h th ese b ig b ro w n b oxes b efo re , fig ure it 's s o m e k in d o f b eauty c re am s h e's o rd erin g. B ut when I p ic k it u p , it 's h eavy. M ak es a tin k lin g s o und lik e I 'm to tin g C o-C ola b ottle s.

"Y ou g o t s o m eth in g, M is s C elia ." I p lo p th e b ox o n th e flo or o f th e k it c hen.

I'v e n ever s e en h er ju m p u p s o fa st. I n fa ct, th e o nly th in g fa st a b out M is s C elia is th e w ay s h e dre sse s. " It's ju st m y . . ." S he m um ble s s o m eth in g. S he h eaves th e b ox a ll th e w ay to h er b ed ro om and I h ear th e d oor s la m .

An h o ur la te r, I g o b ack in th e b ed ro om to s u ck th e r u gs. M is s C elia 's n o t la yin g d ow n a nd s h e's n o t in th e b ath ro om . I k no w s h e's n o t in th e k it c hen o r th e liv in g r o om o r o ut a t th e p ool a nd I ju st duste d fa ncy p arlo r n um ber o ne a nd n um ber tw o a nd v acuum ed th e b ear. W hic h m eans s h e m ust b e up sta ir s . I n th e c re ep y r o om s.

Befo re I g o t fir e d fo r a ccusin g M r. W hit e M anager o f w earin g a h air p ie ce, I u se d to c le an th e ballr o om s a t th e R obert E . L ee H ote l. T ho se b ig , e m pty r o om s w it h n o p eo ple s a nd th e lip stic k ed nap kin s a nd th e le fto ver s m ell o f p erfu m e g ave m e c hills . A nd s o d oes th e u p sta ir s o f M is s C elia 's ho use . T here 's e ven a n a ntiq ue c ra d le w it h M is te r J o hnny's o ld b ab y b onnet a nd s ilv er r a ttle th at I sw ear I c an h ear tin k lin g s o m etim es o n it s o w n a cco rd . A nd it 's th in k in g o f th at tin k lin g s o und th at mak es m e w ond er if th o se b oxes d on't h ave s o m eth in g to d o w it h h er s n eak in g u p to th o se r o om s every o th er d ay.

I d ecid e it 's tim e I g o u p th ere a nd ta k e a lo ok fo r m yse lf .

I K EEP a n E Y E O n M is s C elia th e n ext d ay, w ait in g fo r h er to s n eak u p sta ir s s o I c an s e e w hat sh e's u p to . A ro und tw o o 'c lo ck , s h e s tic k s h er h ead in th e k it c hen a nd g iv es m e a fu nny s m ile . A min ute la te r, I h ear th e s q ueak in th e c eilin g.

Real e asy, I h ead fo r th e s ta ir c ase . E ven th o ugh I tip to e, th e d is h es in th e s id eb oard ja ngle , th e flo orb oard s g ro an. I w alk s o s lo w ly u p th e s ta ir s , I c an h ear m y o w n b re ath in g. A t th e to p, I tu rn dow n th e lo ng h all. I p ass w id e o pen b ed ro om d oors , o ne, tw o, th re e. D oor n um ber fo ur, d ow n o n th e e nd , is c lo se d e xcep t fo r a n in ch. I m ove in a lit tle c lo se r. A nd th ro ugh th e c ra ck , I s p ot h er.

She's s it tin g o n th e y ello w tw in b ed b y th e w in d ow a nd s h e's n o t s m ilin g. T he p ack age I to te d in fr o m th e m ailb ox is o pen a nd o n th e b ed a re a d oze n b ottle s fille d w it h b ro w n liq uid . I t's a s lo w b urn th at r is e s u p m y b oso m s, m y c hin , m y m outh . I k no w th e lo ok o f th o se fla t b ottle s. I n urs e d a worth le ss p in t d rin k er fo r tw elv e y ears a nd w hen m y la zy, lif e -su ck in g d ad dy fin ally d ie d , I s w ore to God w it h te ars in m y e yes I 'd n ever m arry o ne. A nd th en I d id .

And n o w h ere I a m n urs in g a no th er g o ddam n d rin k er. T hese a re n't e ven s to re -b ought b ottle s, th ese have a r e d w ax to p lik e m y U ncle T oad u se d to c ap h is m oonsh in e w it h . M am a a lw ays to ld m e th e re al a lc o ho lic s, lik e m y d ad dy, d rin k th e h o m em ad e s tu ff b ecause it 's s tr o nger. N ow I k no w s h e's a s much a fo ol a s m y d ad dy w as a nd a s L ero y is w hen h e g ets o n th e O ld C ro w , o nly s h e d oesn 't chase m e w it h th e fr y in g p an.

Mis s C elia p ic k s a b ottle u p a nd lo oks a t it lik e it 's J e su s in th ere a nd s h e c an't w ait to g et s a ved .

She u nco rk s it , s ip s it , a nd s ig hs. T hen s h e d rin k s th re e h ard s w allo w s a nd la ys b ack o n h er fa ncy pillo w s.

My b ody s ta rts to s h ak e, w atc hin g th at e ase c ro ss h er fa ce. S he w as s o e ager to g et to h er ju ic e, sh e d id n't e ven c lo se th e d am n d oor. I h ave to g rit m y te eth s o I d on't s c re am a t h er. F in ally I fo rc e my w ay b ack d ow n th e s ta ir s .

When M is s C elia c o m es b ack d ow nsta ir s te n m in ute s la te r, s h e s it s a t th e k it c hen ta b le , a sk s m e if I'm r e ad y to e at.

"T here 's p ork c ho ps in th e ic eb ox a nd I 'm n o t e atin g lu nch to day," I s a y a nd s to m p o ut o f th e r o om .

That a fte rn o on M is s C elia 's in h er b ath ro om s it tin g o n th e to ile t lid . S he's g o t th e h air d ry er o n th e back ta nk a nd th e h o od p ulle d o ver h er b le ached h ead . W it h th at c o ntr a p tio n o n s h e w ould n't h ear th e A -b om b e xp lo de.

I g o u p sta ir s w it h m y o il r a gs a nd I o pen th at c up board fo r m yse lf . T w o d oze n fla t w his k ey b ottle s are h id den b ehin d s o m e r a tty o ld b la nk ets M is s C elia m ust'v e to te d w it h h er fr o m T unic a C ounty .

The b ottle s d on't h ave a ny la b els fa ste ned to th em , ju st th e s ta m p O ld K EN TU CK Y in th e g la ss.

Tw elv e a re fu ll, r e ad y fo r to m orro w . T w elv e a re e m pty fr o m la st w eek . J u st lik e a ll th ese d am n bed ro om s. N o w ond er th e fo ol d oesn 't h ave a ny k id s.

On T H E F IR ST T H URSD AY o f J u ly , a t tw elv e n o on, M is s C elia g ets u p fr o m th e b ed fo r h er co okin g le sso n. S he's d re sse d in a w hit e s w eate r s o tig ht it 'd m ak e a h o oker lo ok h o ly . I s w ear h er clo th es g et tig hte r e very w eek .

We s e ttle in o ur p la ces, m e a t th e s to veto p, h er o n h er s to ol. I 'v e h ard ly s p oken w ord o ne to h er sin ce I fo und th o se b ottle s la st w eek . I 'm n o t m ad . I 'm ir a te . B ut I h ave s w orn e very d ay fo r th e p ast six d ays th at I w ould fo llo w M am a's R ule N um ber O ne. T o s a y s o m eth in g w ould m ean I c are d ab out h er a nd I d on't . I t's n o t m y b usin ess o r m y c o ncern if s h e's a la zy, d ru nk fo ol.

We la y th e b atte re d r a w c hic k en o n th e r a ck . T hen I h ave to r e m in d th e d in g-d ong fo r th e b obillio nth tim e to w ash h er h and s b efo re s h e k ills u s b oth .

I w atc h th e c hic k en s iz zle , tr y to fo rg et s h e's th ere . F ry in g c hic k en a lw ays m ak es m e fe el a lit tle bette r a b out lif e . I a lm ost fo rg et I 'm w ork in g fo r a d ru nk . W hen th e b atc h is d one, I p ut m ost o f it in th e r e fr ig era to r fo r s u p per th at n ig ht. T he r e st g o es o n a p la te fo r o ur lu nch. S he s it s d ow n a cro ss fr o m m e a t th e k it c hen ta b le , a s u su al.

"T ak e th e b re ast," s h e s a ys, h er b lu e e yes b uggin g o ut a t m e. " G o a head ." "I e at th e le g a nd th e th ig h," I s a y, ta k in g th em fr o m th e p la te . I th um b th ro ugh th e Ja ck so n J o urn al to th e M etr o s e ctio n. I p op u p th e s p in e o f m y n ew sp ap er in fr o nt o f m y fa ce s o I d on't h ave to lo ok at h er.

"B ut th ey d on't h ave h ard ly a ny m eat o n th em ." "T hey g o od. G re asy." I k eep r e ad in g, tr y in g to ig no re h er.

"W ell, " s h e s a ys, ta k in g th e b re ast, " I g uess th at m ak es u s p erfe ct c hic k en p artn ers th en." A nd a fte r a min ute s h e s a ys, " Y ou k no w , I 'm lu ck y to h ave y o u a s a fr ie nd , M in ny." I fe el th ic k , h o t d is g ust r is e u p in m y c hest. I lo w er m y p ap er a nd ju st lo ok a t h er. " N o m a'a m . W e ain 't fr ie nd s." "W ell . . . s u re w e a re ." S he s m ile s, lik e s h e's d oin g m e a b ig fa vo r.

"N o, M is s C elia . W e a in 't ." She b lin k s a t m e w it h h er fa k e e yela sh es.

Sto p it , M in ny, m y in sid es te ll m e. B ut I a lr e ad y k no w I can't . I k no w b y th e fis ts in m y h and s th at I c an't h o ld th is in a no th er m in ute .

"Is it . . ." S he lo oks d ow n a t h er c hic k en. " B ecause y o u'r e c o lo re d ? O r b ecause y o u d on't . . . w ant to b e fr ie nd s w it h m e?" "S o m any r e aso ns, y o u w hit e a nd m e c o lo re d ju st fa ll s o m ew here in b etw een." She's n o t s m ilin g a t a ll n o w . " B ut . . . w hy?" "B ecause w hen I te ll y o u I 'm la te o n m y lig ht b ill, I a in 't a sk in g y o u fo r m oney," I s a y. "O h M in ny--" "B ecause y o u d on't e ven g iv e m e th e c o urte sy a te llin g y o ur h usb and I 'm w ork in g h ere . B ecause y o u in th is h o use tw enty -fo ur h o urs a d ay d riv in g m e in sa ne." "Y ou d on't u nd ers ta nd , I ca n't .

I c an't le ave." "B ut a ll th at is n o th in g c o m pare d to w hat I k no w n o w ." Her fa ce g o es a s h ad e p ale r u nd er h er m ak eup .

"A ll th is tim e, th ere I w as th in k in g y o u w ere d yin g a th e c ancer o r s ic k in th e h ead . P oor M is s C elia , all d ay lo ng." "I k no w it 's b een h ard . . ." "O h, I k no w y o u a in 't s ic k . I s e en y o u w it h th em b ottle s u p sta ir s . A nd y o u a in 't fo olin g m e a no th er se co nd ." "B ottle s? O h G od, M in ny, I - -" "I o ught to p our th em th in gs d ow n th e d ra in . I o ught to te ll M is te r J o hnny r ig ht n o w --" She s ta nd s u p , k no ck in g h er c hair o ver. " D on't y o u d are te ll- -" "Y ou a ct lik e y o u w ant k id s b ut y o u d rin k in g e no ugh to p ois o n a e le p hant! " "If y o u te ll h im , I 'll fir e y o u, M in ny!" S he's g o t te ars in h er e yes. " If y o u to uch th o se b ottle s, I 'll fir e yo u r ig ht n o w !" But th e b lo od's r u nnin g to o h o t in m y h ead to s to p n o w . " F ir e m e? W ho e ls e g o ne c o m e o ut h ere and w ork in s e cre t w hile y o u h ang a ro und th e h o use d ru nk a ll d ay?" "Y ou th in k I c an't fir e y o u? Y ou fin is h y o ur w ork to day, M in ny!" S he's b oo-h o oin g a nd p oin tin g h er fin ger a t m e. " Y ou e at y o ur c hic k en a nd th en y o u g o h o m e!" She p ic k s u p h er p la te w it h th e w hit e m eat a nd c harg es th ro ugh th e s w in gin g d oor. I h ear it c la tte r dow n o n th e lo ng fa ncy d in in g r o om ta b le , th e c hair le gs s c ra p in g a gain st th e flo or. I s in k d ow n in m y se at b ecause m y k nees a re s h ak in g, a nd s ta re d ow n a t m y c hic k en.

I j u st lo st a noth er d am n j o b.

I W AK E u p S ATU RD AY M ORN IN G a t s e ven a .m . to a c la ngin g h ead ache a nd a r a w to ngue. I must'v e b it te n d ow n o n it a ll n ig ht lo ng. Lero y lo oks a t m e th ro ugh o ne e ye b ecause h e k no w s s o m eth in g's u p . H e k new it la st n ig ht a t su p per a nd s m elle d it w hen h e w alk ed in a t fiv e o 'c lo ck th is m orn in g.

"W hat's e atin g y o u? A in 't g o t tr o ub le a t w ork , d o y o u?" h e a sk s fo r th e th ir d tim e.

"N oth in g e atin g m e e xcep t fiv e k id s a nd a h usb and . Y 'a ll d riv in g m e u p a w all. " The la st th in g I n eed h im to k no w is th at I 'v e to ld o ff a no th er w hit e la d y a nd lo st a no th er jo b. I p ut on m y p urp le h o use d re ss a nd s to m p to th e k it c hen. I c le an it lik e it 's n ever b een c le aned .

"M am a, w here y o u g o in g?" y ells K in d ra . " I'm h ungry ." "I'm g o in g to A ib ile en's . M am a n eed to b e w it h s o m eb ody n o t p ullin g o n h er fo r fiv e m in ute s." I p ass Sugar s it tin g o n th e fr o nt s te p s. " S ugar, g o g et K in d ra s o m e b re ak fa st." "S he a lr e ad y a te . J u st a h alf h o ur a go ." "W ell, s h e h ungry a gain ." I w alk th e tw o b lo ck s to A ib ile en's h o use , a cro ss T ic k R oad o nto F aris h S tr e et. E ven th o ugh it 's h o t as s in a nd s te am 's a lr e ad y r is in g o ff th e b la ck to p, k id s a re th ro w in g b alls , k ic k in g c ans, s k ip pin g ro pe. " H ey th ere , M in ny," s o m eo ne s a ys to m e a b out e very fif ty fe et. I n o d, b ut I d on't g et fr ie nd ly .

Not to day.

I c ut th ro ugh I d a P eek 's g ard en. A ib ile en's k it c hen d oor is o pen. A ib ile en's s it tin g a t h er ta b le re ad in g o ne o f th o se b ooks M is s S keete r g o t h er fr o m th e w hit e lib ra ry . S he lo oks u p w hen s h e hears th e s c re en d oor w hin e. I g uess s h e c an te ll I 'm a ngry .

"L ord h ave m erc y, w ho d one w hat to y o u?" "C elia R ae F oote , th at's w ho ." I s it d ow n a cro ss fr o m h er. A ib ile en g ets u p a nd p ours m e s o m e co ffe e.

"W hat s h e d o?" I te ll h er a b out th e b ottle s I fo und . I d on't k no w w hy I h ad n't to ld h er a w eek a nd a h alf a go w hen I fo und th em . M ayb e I d id n't w ant h er to k no w s o m eth in g s o a w fu l a b out M is s C elia . M ayb e I fe lt bad b ecause A ib ile en w as th e o ne w ho g o t m e th e jo b. B ut n o w I 'm s o m ad I le t it a ll s p ill o ut.

"A nd th en s h e fir e d m e." "O h, L aw , M in ny." "S ay s h e g o ne fin d a no th er m aid . B ut w ho g o ne w ork fo r th at la d y? S om e n ap py-h ead ed c o untr y maid a lr e ad y liv in g o ut th ere , w on't k no w s q uat a b out s e rv in g fr o m th e le ft, c le arin g fr o m th e r ig ht." "Y ou th o ught a b out a p olo giz in g? M ayb e y o u g o in M ond ay m orn in g, ta lk to --" "I a in 't a p olo giz in g to n o d ru nk . I n ever a p olo giz e d to m y d ad dy a nd I s u re a in 't a p olo giz in g to h er." We'r e b oth q uie t. I th ro w b ack m y c o ffe e, w atc h a h o rs e fly b uzz a gain st A ib ile en's s c re en d oor, kno ck in g w it h it s h ard u gly h ead , whap, w hap, w hap, u ntil it fa lls d ow n o n th e s te p . S pin s a ro und lik e a c ra zy fo ol.

"C an't s le ep . C an't e at," I s a y.

"I te ll y o u, th at C elia m ust b e th e w ors t o ne y o u ev er h ad to te nd to ." "T hey a ll b ad . B ut s h e th e w ors t o f a ll. " "A in 't th ey? Y ou r e m em ber th at tim e M is s W alt e r m ak e y o u p ay fo r th e c ry sta l g la ss y o u b ro ke? T en dolla rs o ut a y o ur p ay? T hen y o u fin d o ut th em g la sse s o nly c o st th re e d olla rs a p ie ce d ow n a t Carte r's ? " "M m-h m m." "O h, a nd y o u r e m em ber th at c ra zy M is te r C harlie , th e o ne w ho a lw ays c all y o u n ig ger to y o ur fa ce lik e h e th in k it 's fu nny. A nd h is w if e , th e o ne w ho m ak e y o u e at lu nch o uts id e, e ven in th e m id dle a Ja nuary ? E ven w hen it s n o w ed th at tim e?" "M ak e m e c o ld ju st th in k in g b out it ." "A nd w hat- -" A ib ile en is c huck lin g, tr y in g to ta lk a t th e s a m e tim e. " W hat a b out th at M is s R oberta ?

Way s h e m ak e y o u s it a t th e k it c hen ta b le w hile s h e tr y o ut h er n ew h air d ye s o lu tio n o n y o u?" Aib ile en w ip es a t h er e yes. " L ord , I n ever s e en b lu e h air o n a b la ck w om an b efo re o r s in ce. L ero y sa y y o u lo ok lik e a c ra ck er fr o m o ute r s p ace." "A in 't n o th in g fu nny b out th at. T ook m e th re e w eek s a nd tw enty -fiv e d olla rs to g et m y h air b la ck again ." Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead , b re ath es o ut a h ig h-k eyed " H uhhhhm ," ta k es a s ip o f h er c o ffe e.

"M is s C elia th o ugh," s h e s a ys. " W ay s h e tr e at y o u? H ow m uch s h e p ayin g y o u to p ut u p w it h M is te r Jo hnny a nd th e c o okin g le sso ns? M ust b e le ss th an a ll o f e m ." "Y ou k no w s h e p ayin g m e d oub le ." "O h, th at's r ig ht. W ell, a nyw ay, w it h a ll h er fr ie nd s c o m in g o ver, s p ectin g y o u to c le an u p a fte r e m a ll th e tim e." I ju st lo ok a t h er.

"A nd th em te n k id s s h e g o t to o." A ib ile en p re sse s h er n ap kin to h er lip s, h id es h er s m ile . " M ust d riv e yo u in sa ne th e w ay th ey s c re am in g a ll d ay, m essin g u p th at b ig o ld h o use ." "I th in k y o u d one m ad e y o ur p oin t, A ib ile en." Aib ile en s m ile s, p ats m e o n th e a rm . " I'm s o rry , h o ney. B ut y o u m y b est fr ie nd . A nd I th in k y o u g o t so m eth in g p re tty g o od o ut th ere . S o w hat if s h e ta k e a n ip o r tw o to g et th ro ugh th e d ay? G o ta lk to her M ond ay." I fe el m y fa ce c rin k le u p . " Y ou th in k s h e ta k e m e b ack ? A fte r e verth in g I s a id ?" "N obody e ls e g o ne w ait o n h er. A nd s h e k no w it ." "Y eah. S he d um b." I s ig h. " B ut s h e a in 't s tu p id ." I g o o n h o m e. I d on't te ll L ero y w hat's b oth erin g m e, b ut I th in k a b out it a ll d ay a nd a ll w eek end lo ng. I 'v e b een fir e d m ore tim es th an I h ave fin gers . I p ra y to G od I c an g et m y jo b b ack o n Mond ay.

ch ap te r 1 8 O N M ONDAY M ORN IN G, I d riv e to w ork r e hears in g th e w ho le w ay.

I k now I m outh ed o ff . . .

I w alk in to h er k it c hen.

And I k now I w as o ut o f p la ce ... I s e t m y b ag d ow n in th e c hair , and . . .

a nd . . .

T his is th e h ard p art.

And I 'm s o rry.

I b ra ce m yse lf w hen I h ear M is s C elia 's fe et p ad din g th ro ugh th e h o use . I d on't k no w w hat to e xp ect, if s h e'll b e m ad o r c o ld o r ju st fla t o ut r e -fir e m e. A ll I k no w is , I 'm d oin g th e ta lk in g fir st.

" M orn in g," s h e s a ys. M is s C elia 's s till in h er n ig htg o w n. S he h asn 't e ven b ru sh ed h er h air , m uch le ss p ut th e g o o o n h er fa ce.

" M is s C elia , I g o t to . . . te ll y o u s o m eth in g . . ." S he g ro ans, fla tte ns h er h and a gain st h er s to m ach.

" Y ou . . . fe el b ad ?" " Y eah." S he p uts a b is c uit a nd s o m e h am o n a p la te , th en ta k es th e h am b ack o ff.

" M is s C elia , I w ant y o u to k no w --" B ut s h e w alk s r ig ht o ut w hile I 'm ta lk in g a nd I k no w I a m in s o m e k in d o f tr o ub le .

I g o a head a nd d o m y w ork . M ayb e I 'm c ra zy to a ct lik e th e jo b's s till m in e. M ayb e s h e w on't e ven p ay m e fo r to day. A fte r lu nch, I tu rn o n M is s C hris tin e o n As t h e W orld T urn s a nd d o th e ir o nin g.

U su ally , M is s C elia c o m es in a nd w atc hes w it h m e, b ut n o t to day. W hen th e p ro gra m 's o ver, I w ait o n h er a w hile in th e k it c hen, b ut M is s C elia d oesn 't e ven c o m e in fo r h er le sso n. T he b ed ro om d oor s ta ys c lo se d , a nd b y tw o o 'c lo ck I c an't th in k o f a nyth in g e ls e to d o e xcep t c le an th eir b ed ro om . I f e el a d re ad lik e a fr y in g p an in m y s to m ach. I w is h I 'd g o tte n m y w ord s in th is m orn in g w hen I h ad t h e c hance.

F in ally , I g o to th e b ack o f th e h o use , lo ok a t th at c lo se d d oor. I k no ck a nd th ere 's n o a nsw er.

F in ally , I ta k e a c hance a nd o pen it .

B ut th e b ed is e m pty . N ow I 'v e g o t th e s h ut b ath ro om d oor to c o nte nd w it h .

" I'm o n d o m y w ork in h ere ," I c all o ut. T here 's n o a nsw er, b ut I k no w s h e's in th ere . I c an fe el h er b ehin d th at d oor. I 'm s w eatin g. I w ant to g et th is d am n c o nvers a tio n o ver w it h .

I g o a ro und th e r o om w it h m y la und ry s a ck , s tu ffin g a w eek end 's w orth o f c lo th es in sid e. T he b ath ro om d oor s ta ys c lo se d w it h n o s o und . I k no w th at b ath ro om in th ere 's a m ess. I lis te n fo r s o m e l if e a s I p ull th e s h eets u p ta ut o n th e b ed . T he p ale y ello w b ols te r p illo w is th e u glie st th in g I 'v e e ver s e en, p ack aged o n th e e nd s lik e a b ig y ello w h o td og. I s m ack it d ow n o n th e m attr e ss, s m ooth th e b ed sp re ad o ut.

I w ip e d ow n th e b ed sid e ta b le , s ta ck th e Look m agazin es o n h er s id e, th e b rid ge b ook s h e o rd ere d .

I s tr a ig hte n th e b ooks o n M is te r J o hnny's . H e r e ad s a lo t. I p ic k u p To K ill a M ock in gbir d a nd tu rn i t o ver. "W ell lo ok a th ere ." A b ook w it h b la ck fo lk s in it . I t m ak es m e w ond er if , o ne d ay, I 'll s e e M is s Skeete r's b ook o n a b ed sid e ta b le . N ot w it h m y r e al n am e in it , th at's fo r s u re .

Fin ally , I h ear a n o is e , s o m eth in g s c ru ff a gain st th e b ath ro om d oor. " M is s C elia ," I c all o ut a gain , " I'm out h ere . J u st w ant y o u to k no w ." But th ere 's n o th in g.

"T hat a in 't n o ne a m y b usin ess w hate ver's g o in g o n in th ere ," I s a y to m yse lf . T hen I h o lle r, " J u st go ne d o m y w ork a nd g et o ut a h ere b efo re M is te r J o hnny g ets h o m e w it h th e p is to l. " I 'm h o pin g th at'll d ra w h er o ut. I t d oesn 't .

"M is s C elia , th ey's s o m e L ad y-a -P in k am u nd er th e s in k . D rin k th at u p a nd c o m e o ut s o I c an d o m y work in th ere ." Fin ally , I ju st s to p, s ta re a t th e d oor. A m I fir e d o r a m I a in 't ? A nd if I a in 't , th en w hat if s h e's s o dru nk , s h e c an't h ear m e? M is te r J o hnny a sk ed m e to lo ok a fte r h er. I d on't th in k th is w ould q ualif y as lo okin g a fte r if s h e's d ru nk in th e b ath tu b .

"M is s C elia , ju st s a y s o m eth in g s o I k no w y o u s till a liv e in th ere ." "I'm fin e." But s h e d oes n o t s o und fin e to m e.

"It's a lm ost th re e o 'c lo ck ." I s ta nd in th e m id dle o f th e b ed ro om , w ait in g. " M is te r J o hnny b e h o m e so on." I n eed to k no w w hat's g o in g o n in th ere . I n eed to k no w if s h e's la id o ut d ru nk . A nd if I a in 't fir e d , th en I n eed to c le an th at b ath ro om s o M is te r J o hnny d oesn 't th in k th e s e cre t m aid is s la ck in g a nd fir e me a s e co nd tim e.

"C om e o n, M is s C elia , y o u m ess u p th e h air c o lo rin g a gain ? I h elp ed y o u fix it la st tim e, r e m em ber?

We g o t it b ack r e al p re tty ." The k no b tu rn s. S lo w ly , th e d oor o pens. M is s C elia 's s it tin g o n th e flo or, to th e r ig ht o f th e d oor. H er knees a re d ra w n u p in sid e h er n ig htg o w n.

I s te p a lit tle c lo se r. F ro m th e s id e, I c an s e e h er c o m ple xio n is th e c o lo r o f fa b ric s o fte ner, a fla t milk y b lu e.

I c an a ls o s e e b lo od in th e to ile t b ow l. A lo t o f it .

"Y ou g o t th e c ra m ps, M is s C elia ?" I w his p er. I fe el m y n o str ils fla re .

Mis s C elia d oesn 't tu rn a ro und . T here 's a lin e o f b lo od a lo ng th e h em o f h er w hit e n ig htg o w n, lik e it dip ped d ow n in to th e to ile t.

"Y ou w ant m e to c all M is te r J o hnny?" I s a y. I tr y , b ut I c an't s to p m yse lf fr o m lo okin g a t th at r e d fu ll bow l. B ecause th ere 's s o m eth in g e ls e d eep d ow n in th at r e d liq uid . S om eth in g . . . s o lid -lo okin g.

"N o." M is s C elia s a ys, s ta rin g a t th e w all. " F etc h m e . . . m y p ho ne b ook." I h urry to th e k it c hen, s n atc h th e b ook fr o m th e ta b le , r u sh b ack . B ut w hen I tr y to h and it to M is s Celia , s h e w aves it a w ay.

"P le ase , y o u c all, " s h e s a ys. " U nd er T , fo r D octo r T ate . I c an't d o it a gain ." I s k ip th ro ugh th e th in p ages o f th e b ook. I k no w w ho D octo r T ate is . H e d octo rs m ost o f th e w hit e wom en I 'v e w ait e d o n. H e a ls o g iv es h is " s p ecia l tr e atm ent" to E la in e F air le y e very T uesd ay w hen his w if e is a t h er h air a p poin tm ent.

Ta ft . . . T a ggert . . . T a nn. T hank t h e L ord .

My h and s tr e m ble a ro und th e r o ta ry d ia l. A w hit e w om an a nsw ers . " C elia F oote , o n H ig hw ay Tw enty -T w o o ut M ad is o n C ounty ," I te ll h er a s b est I c an w it h o ut y ack in g o n th e flo or. " Y es m a'a m , lo ts a nd lo ts a b lo od c o m in g o ut... D o h e k no w h o w to g et h ere ?" S he s a ys y es, o f c o urs e , a nd hangs u p .

"H e's c o m in g?" a sk s C elia .

"H e c o m in g," I s a y. A no th er w ave o f n ause a s n eak s u p o n m e. I t'll b e a lo ng tim e u ntil I c an s c ru b th at to ile t a gain w it h o ut g aggin g.

"Y ou w ant a C o-C ola ? I 'm o n g et y o u a C o-C ola ." In th e k it c hen, I g et a b ottle o f C oca-C ola fr o m th e r e fr ig era to r. I c o m e b ack a nd s e t it o n th e tile and b ack a w ay. A s fa r fr o m th at r e d -fille d p ot a s I c an w it h o ut le avin g M is s C elia a lo ne.

"M ayb e w e s h o uld g et y o u u p in th e b ed , M is s C elia . Y ou th in k y o u c an s ta nd u p ?" Mis s C elia le ans fo rw ard , tr ie s to p ush h ers e lf u p . I s te p in to h elp h er a nd s e e th at th e b lo od h as so ak ed th ro ugh th e s e at o f h er n ig htg o w n, s ta in ed th e b lu e tile w it h w hat lo oks lik e r e d g lu e, em bed ded in th e g ro ut. S ta in s th at w on't b e e asy to g et u p .

Ju st a s I r a is e h er to h er fe et, M is s C elia s lip s in a s p ot o f b lo od, c atc hes th e e d ge o f to ile t b ow l to ste ad y h ers e lf . " L et m e s ta y--I w ant to s ta y h ere ." "A lr ig ht th en." I b ack a w ay, in to th e b ed ro om . " D octo r T ate b e h ere r e al s o on. T hey c allin g h im u p at h o m e." "C om e a nd s e t w it h m e, M in ny? P le ase ?" But th ere 's a w aft o f w arm , w re tc hed a ir c o m in g o ff th at to ile t. A fte r s o m e fig urin g, I s it w it h h alf m y botto m in th e b ath ro om , h alf o ut. A nd a t e ye-le vel, I c an r e ally s m ell it . I t s m ells lik e m eat, lik e ham burg er d efr o stin g o n th e c o unte r. I k in d o f p anic w hen I p ut th at o ne to geth er.

"C om e o n o ut o f h ere , M is s C elia . Y ou n eed s o m e a ir ." "I c an't g et th e b lo od o n th e . . . r u g o r J o hnny w ill s e e it ." T he v ein s o n M is s C elia 's a rm lo ok b la ck und er h er s k in . H er fa ce is g ettin g w hit e r.

"Y ou g ettin g fu nny-lo okin g. D rin k y o u a lit tle a th is C o-C ola ." She ta k es a s ip , s a ys, " O h M in ny." "H ow lo ng y o u b een b le ed in g?" "S in ce th is m orn in g," s h e s a ys a nd s ta rts c ry in g in to th e c ro ok o f h er a rm .

"It's a lr ig ht, y o u g o ne b e fin e," I s a y a nd I s o und r e al s o oth in g, r e al c o nfid ent, b ut in sid e m y h eart is pound in g. S ure , D octo r T ate 's c o m in g to h elp M is s C elia , b ut w hat a b out th e th in g in th e to ile t?

What a m I s u p pose d to d o, flu sh it ? W hat if it g ets s tu ck in th e p ip es? I t'll h ave to b e fis h ed u p . O h Lord , h o w a m I g o in g to m ak e m yse lf d o th at?

"T here 's s o m uch b lo od," s h e m oans, le anin g a gain st m e. " W hy's th ere s o m uch b lo od th is tim e?" I r a is e m y c hin a nd lo ok, ju st a lit tle , in th e b ow l. B ut I h ave to lo ok d ow n a gain q uic k .

"D on't le t J o hnny s e e it . O h G od, w hen . . . w hat tim e is it ? " "F iv e to th re e. W e g o t s o m e tim e." "W hat s h o uld w e d o a b out it ? " a sk s M is s C elia .

We.

G od fo rg iv e m e, b ut I w is h th ere w asn 't a " w e" m ix ed u p in th is .

I s h ut m y e yes, s a y, " I g uess o ne a u s is g o ne h ave to p ull it o ut." Mis s C elia tu rn s to m e w it h h er r e d -rim med e yes. " A nd p ut it w here ?" I c an't lo ok a t h er. " I g uess . . . in th e g arb age p ail. " "P le ase , d o it n o w ." M is s C elia b urie s h er h ead in h er k nees lik e s h e's a sh am ed .

There 's n o t e ven a we n o w . N ow it 's w ill yo u d o it . W ill yo u fis h m y d ead b ab y o ut o f th at to ile t bow l.

And w hat c ho ic e d o I h ave?

I h ear a w hin e c o m e o ut o f m e. T he tile flo or is s m ash in g a gain st m y fa t. I s h if t, g ru nt, tr y to th in k it th ro ugh. I m ean, I 'v e d one w ors e th an th is , h aven't I ? N oth in g c o m es to m in d , b ut th ere h as to b e so m eth in g.

"P le ase ," M is s C elia s a ys, " I c an't . . . lo ok a t it n o m ore ." "A lr ig ht." I n o d, lik e I k no w w hat I 'm d oin g. " I'm o n ta k e c are a th is th in g." I s ta nd u p , tr y to g et p ra ctic al. I k no w w here I 'll p ut it - -in th e w hit e g arb age p ail n ext to th e to ile t.

Then th ro w th e w ho le th in g o ut. B ut w hat w ill I u se to g et it o ut w it h ? M y h and ? I b it e m y lip , tr y to s ta y c alm . M ayb e I s h o uld ju st w ait . M ayb e . . . m ayb e th e d octo r w ill w ant to ta k e it w it h h im w hen h e c o m es! E xam in e it . I f I c an g et M is s C elia o ff it a fe w m in ute s, m ayb e I won't h ave to d eal w it h it a t a ll.

"W e lo ok a fte r it in a m in ute ," I s a y in th at r e assu rin g v o ic e. " H ow fa r a lo ng y o u th in k y o u w as? " I ease c lo se r to th e b ow l, d on't d are s to p ta lk in g.

"F iv e m onth s? I d on't k no w ." M is s C elia c o vers h er fa ce w it h a w ash ra g. " I w as ta k in g a s h o w er and I fe lt it p ullin g d ow n, h urtin g. S o I s e t o n th e to ile t a nd it s lip ped o ut. L ik e it w ante d out o f m e ." She s ta rts s o bbin g a gain , h er s h o uld ers je rk in g fo rw ard o ver h er b ody.

Care fu lly , I lo w er th e to ile t lid d ow n a nd s e ttle b ack o n th e flo or.

"L ik e it 'd r a th er b e d ead th an s ta nd b ein g in sid e m e a no th er s e co nd ." "N ow y o u lo ok a h ere , th at's ju st G od's w ay. S om eth in g a in 't g o in g r ig ht in y o ur in nard s, n atu re g o t to d o s o m eth in g a b out it . S eco nd tim e, y o u g o ne c atc h." B ut th en I th in k a b out th o se b ottle s a nd fe el a r ip ple o f a nger.

"T hat w as . . . th e s e co nd tim e." "O h L ord y." "W e g o t m arrie d c ause I w as p re gnant," M is s C elia s a ys, " b ut it . . . it s lip ped o ut to o." I c an't h o ld it in a no th er s e co nd . " T hen w hy in th e h eck a re y o u d rin k in g? Y ou k no w y o u c an't h o ld no b ab y w it h a p in t o f w his k ey in y o u." "W his k ey?" Oh p le ase . I c an't e ven lo ok a t h er w it h th at " w hat- w his k ey?" lo ok. A t le ast th e s m ell's n o t a s b ad wit h th e lid c lo se d . W hen is th at fo ol d octo r c o m in g?

"Y ou th o ught I w as . . ." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " It's c atc h to nic ." S he c lo se s h er e yes. " F ro m a Cho cta w o ver in F elic ia na P aris h . . ." "C ho cta w ?" I b lin k . S he is s tu p id er th an I e ver im agin ed . " Y ou c an't tr u st th em I n d ia ns. D on't y o u kno w w e p ois o ned th eir c o rn ? W hat if s h e tr y in g to p ois o n y o u?" "D octo r T ate s a id it 's ju st m ola sse s a nd w ate r," s h e c rie s d ow n in to h er to w el. " B ut I h ad to tr y it . I had to ." Well. I 'm s u rp ris e d b y h o w lo ose m y b ody g o es, h o w r e lie ved I a m b y th is . " T here 's n o th in g w ro ng wit h ta k in g y o ur tim e, M is s C elia . B elie ve m e, I g o t fiv e k id s." "B ut J o hnny w ants k id s n o w . O h M in ny." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " W hat's h e g o in g to d o w it h m e?" "H e g o ne g et o ver it , th at's w hat. H e g o ne fo rg et th ese b ab ie s c ause m ens is r e al g o od a t th at. G et to ho pin g fo r th e n ext o ne." "H e d oesn 't k no w a b out th is o ne. O r th e o ne b efo re ." "Y ou s a id th at's w hy h e m arrie d y o u." "T hat fir s t tim e, h e k new ." M is s C elia le ts o ut a b ig s ig h. " T his tim e's r e ally th e . . . fo urth ." She s to ps c ry in g a nd I d on't h ave a ny g o od th in gs le ft to s a y. F or a m in ute , w e'r e ju st tw o p eo ple wond erin g w hy th in gs a re th e w ay th ey a re .

"I k ep t th in k in g," s h e w his p ers , " if I w as r e al s till, if I b ro ught s o m eb ody in to d o th e h o use a nd th e co okin g, m ayb e I c o uld h o ld o n to th is o ne." S he c rie s d ow n in to h er to w el. " I w ante d th is b ab y to lo ok ju st lik e J o hnny." "M is te r J o hnny a g o od-lo okin g m an. G ot g o od h air . . ." Mis s C elia lo w ers th e to w el fr o m h er fa ce.

I w ave m y h and in th e a ir , r e aliz e w hat I 'v e ju st d one. " I g o t to g et s o m e a ir . H ot in h ere ." "H ow d o y o u k no w . . .? " I lo ok a ro und , tr y to th in k o f a lie , b ut fin ally I ju st s ig h. " H e k no w s. M is te r J o hnny c am e h o m e a nd fo und m e." "W hat? " "Y es'm . H e te ll m e n o t to te ll y o u s o y o u g o r ig ht o n th in k in g h e's p ro ud a y o u. H e lo ve y o u s o m uch, Mis s C elia . I s e en it in h is fa ce h o w m uch." "B ut . . . h o w lo ng h as h e k no w n?" "A fe w . . . m onth s." "M onth s? W as h e--w as h e u p se t th at I 'd lie d ?" "H eck n o . H e e ven c all m e u p a t h o m e a fe w w eek s la te r to m ak e s u re I d id n't h ave n o p la ns to q uit .

Say h e a fr a id h e g o ne s ta rv e if I le ft." "O h M in ny," s h e c rie s. " I'm s o rry . I 'm r e al s o rry a b out e very th in g." "I b een in w ors e s it u atio ns." I 'm th in k in g a b out th e b lu e h air d ye. E atin g lu nch in th e fr e ezin g c o ld .

And r ig ht n o w . T here 's s till th e b ab y in th e to ile t th at s o m eo ne's g o in g to h ave to d eal w it h .

"I d on't k no w w hat to d o, M in ny." "D octo r T ate te ll y o u to k eep tr y in g, th en I g uess y o u k eep tr y in g." "H e h o lle rs a t m e. S ays I 'm w astin g m y tim e in b ed ." S he s h ak es h er h ead . " H e's a m ean, a w fu l man." She p re sse s th e to w el h ard a gain st h er e yes. " I c an't d o th is a nym ore ." A nd th e h ard er s h e c rie s, th e whit e r s h e tu rn s.

I tr y to fe ed h er a fe w m ore s ip s o f C o-C ola b ut s h e w on't ta k e it . S he c an't h ard ly lif t h er h and to wave it a w ay.

"I'm g o in g to . . . b e s ic k . I 'm --" I g ra b th e g arb age c an, w atc h a s M is s C elia v o m it s o ver it . A nd th en I fe el s o m eth in g w et o n m e and I lo ok d ow n a nd th e b lo od's c o m in g s o fa st n o w , it 's le ak ed o ver to w here I 'm s it tin g. E very tim e sh e h eaves, th e b lo od p ush es o ut o f h er. I k no w s h e lo sin g m ore th an a p ers o n c an h and le .

"S it u p , M is s C elia ! G et a g o od b re ath , n o w ," I s a y, b ut s h e's s lu m pin g a gain st m e.

"N uh-u h, y o u d on't w ant a la y d ow n. C om e o n." I p ush h er b ack u p b ut s h e's g o ne lim p a nd I fe el te ars s p rin g u p in m y e yes b ecause th at d am n d octo r s h o uld b e h ere b y n o w . H e s h o uld 'v e s e nt a n am bula nce a nd in th e tw enty -fiv e y ears I 'v e b een c le anin g h o use s n o body e ver te lls y o u w hat to d o when y o ur w hit e la d y k eels o ver d ead o n to p o f y o u.

"C om e o n, M is s C elia !" I s c re am , b ut s h e's a s o ft w hit e lu m p n ext to m e, a nd th ere is n o th in g I c an do b ut s it a nd tr e m ble a nd w ait .

Many m in ute s p ass b efo re th e b ack b ell r in gs. I p ro p M is s C elia 's h ead o n a to w el, ta k e o ff m y sh o es s o I d on't tr a ck th e b lo od o ver th e h o use , a nd r u n fo r th e d oor.

"S he d one p asse d o ut! " I te ll th e d octo r, a nd th e n urs e p ush es p ast m e a nd h ead s to th e b ack lik e sh e k no w s h er w ay a ro und . S he p ulls th e s m ellin g s a lt s o ut a nd p uts th em u nd er M is s C elia 's n o se and M is s C elia je rk s h er h ead , le ts o ut a lit tle c ry , a nd o pens h er e yes.

The n urs e h elp s m e g et M is s C elia o ut o f h er b lo ody n ig htg o w n. S he's g o t h er e yes o pen b ut c an hard ly s ta nd u p . I p ut o ld to w els d ow n in th e b ed a nd w e la y h er d ow n. I g o in th e k it c hen w here Docto r T ate 's w ash in g h is h and s.

"S he in th e b ed ro om ," I s a y.

Not t h e k it c h en , y o u s n ake.

H e's in h is fif tie s, D octo r T ate , a nd to ps me b y a g o od fo ot a nd a h alf . H e h as r e al w hit e s k in a nd th is lo ng, n arro w fa ce th at s h o w s n o fe elin gs a t a ll. F in ally h e g o es b ack to th e b ed ro om .

Ju st b efo re h e o pens th e d oor, I to uch h im o n th e a rm . " S he d on't w ant h er h usb and to k no w . H e ain 't g o ne fin d o ut, is h e?" He lo oks a t m e lik e I 'm a n ig ger a nd s a ys, " Y ou d on't th in k it 's h is b usin ess? " H e w alk s in to th e bed ro om a nd s h uts th e d oor in m y fa ce.

I g o to th e k it c hen a nd p ace th e flo or. H alf a n h o ur p asse s, th en a n h o ur, a nd I 'm w orry in g s o h ard th at M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to c o m e h o m e a nd fin d o ut, w orry in g D octo r T ate w ill c all h im , w orry in g th ey'r e g o in g to le ave th at b ab y in th e b ow l fo r m e to d eal w it h , m y h ead 's th ro bbin g. F in ally , I h ear Docto r T ate o pen th e d oor.

"S he a lr ig ht? " "S he's h yste ric al. I g ave h er a p ill to c alm h er d ow n." The n urs e w alk s a ro und u s a nd o ut th e b ack d oor c arry in g a w hit e tin b ox. I b re ath e o ut fo r w hat fe els lik e th e fir s t tim e in h o urs .

"Y ou w atc h h er to m orro w ," h e s a ys a nd h and s m e a w hit e p ap er b ag. " G iv e h er a no th er p ill if s h e gets to o a git a te d . T here 'll b e m ore b le ed in g. B ut d on't c all m e u p u nle ss it 's h eavy." "Y ou a in 't r e ally g o ne te ll M is te r J o hnny b out th is , a re y o u, D octo r T ate ?" He le ts o ut a s ic k h is s. " Y ou m ak e s u re s h e d oesn 't m is s h er a p poin tm ent o n F rid ay. I 'm n o t d riv in g all th e w ay o ut h ere ju st b ecause s h e's to o la zy to c o m e in ." He w alt z e s o ut a nd s la m s th e d oor b ehin d h im .

The k it c hen c lo ck r e ad s fiv e o 'c lo ck . M is te r J o hnny's g o in g to b e h o m e in h alf a n h o ur. I g ra b th e Clo ro x a nd th e r a gs a nd a b uck et.

MIS S S K EETE R ch ap te r 1 9 I T is 1 963. T he S pace A ge th ey'r e c allin g it . A m an h as c ir c le d th e e arth in a r o ck ets h ip . T hey'v e i n vente d a p ill s o m arrie d w om en d on't h ave to g et p re gnant. A c an o f b eer o pens w it h a s in gle fin ger i n ste ad o f a c an o pener. Y et m y p are nts ' h o use is s till a s h o t a s it w as in 1 899, th e y ear G re at- g ra nd fa th er b uilt it .

" M am a, p le ase ," I b eg, " w hen a re w e g o in g to g et a ir - c o nd it io nin g?" " W e h ave s u rv iv ed th is lo ng w it h o ut e le ctr ic c o ol a nd I h ave n o in te ntio ns o f s e ttin g o ne o f th o se t a ck y c o ntr a p tio ns in m y w in d ow ." A nd s o , a s J u ly w anes o n, I a m fo rc ed fr o m m y a ttic b ed ro om to a c o t o n th e s c re ened b ack p orc h.

W hen w e w ere k id s, C onsta ntin e u se d to s le ep o ut h ere w it h C arlt o n a nd m e in th e s u m mer, w hen M am a a nd D ad dy w ent to o ut- o f- to w n w ed din gs. C onsta ntin e s le p t in a n o ld -fa sh io ned w hit e n ig htg o w n u p to h er c hin a nd d ow n to h er to es e ven th o ugh it 'd b e h o t a s H ad es. S he u se d to s in g to u s s o w e'd g o to s le ep . H er v o ic e w as s o b eautif u l I c o uld n't u nd ers ta nd h o w s h e'd n ever h ad l e sso ns. M oth er h ad a lw ays to ld m e a p ers o n c an't le arn a nyth in g w it h o ut p ro per le sso ns. I t's ju st u nre al to m e th at s h e w as h ere , r ig ht h ere o n th is p orc h, a nd n o w s h e's n o t. A nd n o o ne w ill te ll m e a t h in g. I w ond er if I 'll e ver s e e h er a gain .

N ext to m y c o t, n o w , m y ty p ew rit e r s it s o n a r u ste d , w hit e e nam el w ash ta b le . U nd ern eath is m y r e d s a tc hel. I ta k e D ad dy's h ank ie a nd w ip e m y fo re head , p re ss s a lt e d ic e to m y w ris ts . E ven o n th e b ack p orc h, th e A very L um ber C om pany te m pera tu re d ia l r is e s fr o m 8 9 to 9 6 to a n ic e r o und 1 00 d egre es. L uck ily , S tu art d oesn 't c o m e o ver d urin g th e d ay, w hen th e h eat is a t it s w ors t.

I s ta re a t m y ty p ew rit e r w it h n o th in g to d o, n o th in g to w rit e . M in ny's s to rie s a re fin is h ed a nd ty p ed a lr e ad y. I t's a w re tc hed fe elin g. T w o w eek s a go , A ib ile en to ld m e th at Y ule M ay, H illy 's m aid , m ig ht h elp u s, th at s h e s h o w s a lit tle m ore in te re st e very tim e A ib ile en ta lk s to h er. B ut w it h M ed gar E vers 's m urd er a nd c o lo re d p eo ple g ettin g a rre ste d a nd b eat b y th e p olic e, I 'm s u re s h e's s c are d to d eath b y n o w .

M ayb e I o ught to g o o ver to H illy 's a nd a sk Y ule M ay m yse lf . B ut n o , A ib ile en's r ig ht, I 'd p ro bab ly s c are h er e ven m ore a nd r u in a ny c hance w e h ave.

U nd er th e h o use , th e d ogs y aw n, w hin e in th e h eat. O ne le ts o ut a h alf - h earte d w oof a s D ad dy's f ie ld w ork ers , fiv e N egro es, p ull u p in a tr u ck bed . T he m en ju m p fr o m th e ta ilg ate , h o ofin g u p d ust w hen th ey h it th e d ir t. T hey s ta nd a m om ent, d ead -fa ced , s tu p efie d . T he fo re m an d ra gs a r e d c lo th a cro ss h is b la ck fo re head , h is lip s, h is n eck . I t is s o r e ck le ssly h o t, I d on't k no w h o w th ey c an s ta nd b ak in g o ut th ere in th e s u n.

I n a r a re b re eze , m y c o py o f Lif e m agazin e flu tte rs . A ud re y H ep burn s m ile s o n th e c o ver, n o s w eat b ead in g o n h er u p per lip . I p ic k it u p a nd fin ger th e w rin k le d p ages, flip to th e s to ry o n th e S ovie t S pace G ir l. I a lr e ad y k no w w hat's o n th e n ext p age. B ehin d h er fa ce is a p ic tu re o f C arl R oberts , a c o lo re d s c ho olt e acher fr o m P ela hatc hie , fo rty m ile s fr o m h ere . " In A pril, C arl R oberts to ld W ash in gto n r e p orte rs w hat it m eans to b e a b la ck m an in M is sis sip pi, c allin g th e g o vern o r 'a p ath etic m an w it h th e m ora ls o f a s tr e etw alk er. ' R oberts w as fo und c attle -b ra nd ed a nd h ung fr o m a p ecan t r e e." They'd k ille d C arl R oberts fo r s p eak in g o ut, fo r ta lk in g . I th in k a b out h o w e asy I th o ught it w ould be, th re e m onth s a go , to g et a d oze n m aid s to ta lk to m e. L ik e th ey'd ju st b een w ait in g, a ll th is tim e, to s p ill th eir s to rie s to a w hit e w om an. H ow s tu p id I 'd b een.

When I c an't ta k e th e h eat a no th er s e co nd , I g o s it in th e o nly c o ol p la ce o n L ongle af. I tu rn o n th e ig nit io n a nd r o ll u p th e w in d ow s, p ull m y d re ss u p a ro und m y u nd erw ear a nd le t th e b i- le vel b lo w o n me fu ll b la st. A s I le an m y h ead b ack , th e w orld d rif ts a w ay, tin ged b y th e s m ell o f F re o n a nd Cad illa c le ath er. I h ear a tr u ck p ull u p in to th e fr o nt d riv e b ut I d on't o pen m y e yes. A s e co nd la te r, my p asse nger d oor o pens.

"D am n it fe els g o od in h ere ." I p ush m y d re ss d ow n. " W hat a re y o u d oin g h ere ?" Stu art s h uts th e d oor, k is se s m e q uic k ly o n th e lip s. " I o nly h ave a m in ute . I h ave to h ead d ow n to th e c o ast fo r a m eetin g." "F or h o w lo ng?" "T hre e d ays. I 'v e g o t to c atc h s o m e fe lla o n th e M is sis sip pi O il a nd G as B oard . I w is h I 'd k no w n ab out it s o oner." He r e aches o ut a nd ta k es m y h and a nd I s m ile . W e'v e b een g o in g o ut tw ic e a w eek fo r tw o m onth s no w if y o u d on't c o unt th e h o rro r d ate . I g uess th at's c o nsid ere d a s h o rt tim e to o th er g ir ls . B ut it 's th e lo ngest th in g th at's e ver h ap pened to m e, a nd r ig ht n o w it fe els lik e th e b est.

"W anna c o m e?" h e s a ys.

"T o B ilo xi? R ig ht n o w ?" "R ig ht n o w ," h e s a ys a nd p uts h is c o ol p alm o n m y le g. A s a lw ays, I ju m p a lit tle . I lo ok d ow n a t h is hand , th en u p to m ak e s u re M oth er's n o t s p yin g o n u s.

"C om e o n, it 's to o d am n h o t h ere . I 'm s ta yin g a t th e E dgew ate r, r ig ht o n th e b each." I la ugh a nd it fe els g o od a fte r a ll th e w orry in g I 'v e d one th ese p ast w eek s. " Y ou m ean, a t th e Edgew ate r . . . to geth er? I n th e s a m e r o om ?" He n o ds. " T hin k y o u c an g et a w ay?" Eliz a b eth w ould b e m ortif ie d b y th e th o ught o f s h arin g a r o om w it h a m an b efo re s h e w as m arrie d , Hilly w ould te ll m e I w as s tu p id to e ven c o nsid er it . T hey'd h eld o n to th eir v ir g in it y w it h th e fie rc eness o f c hild re n r e fu sin g to s h are th eir to ys. A nd y et, I c o nsid er it .

Stu art m oves c lo se r to m e. H e s m ells lik e p in e tr e es a nd fir e d to bacco , e xp ensiv e s o ap th e lik es o f whic h m y fa m ily 's n ever k no w n. " M am a'd h ave a fit , S tu art, p lu s I h ave a ll th is o th er s tu ff to d o . . ." But G od, h e s m ells g o od. H e's lo okin g a t m e lik e h e w ants to e at m e u p a nd I s h iv er u nd er th e b la st of C ad illa c a ir . "Y ou s u re ?" h e w his p ers a nd h e k is se s m e th en, o n th e m outh , n o t s o p olit e ly a s b efo re . H is h and is still o n th e u p per q uarte r o f m y th ig h a nd I fin d m yse lf w ond erin g a gain if h e w as lik e th is w it h h is fia ncee, P atr ic ia . I d on't e ven k no w if th ey w ent to b ed to geth er. T he th o ught o f th em to uchin g mak es m e fe el s ic k a nd I p ull b ack fr o m h im .

"I ju st . . . I c an't ," I s a y. " Y ou k no w I c o uld n't te ll M am a th e tr u th . . ." He le ts o ut a lo ng s o rry s ig h a nd I lo ve th at lo ok o n h is fa ce, th at d is a p poin tm ent. I u nd ers ta nd n o w why g ir ls r e sis t, ju st fo r th at s w eet lo ok o f r e gre t. " D on't lie to h er," h e s a ys. " Y ou k no w I h ate lie s." "W ill y o u c all m e fr o m th e h o te l? " I a sk .

"I w ill, " h e s a ys. " I'm s o rry I h ave to le ave s o s o on. O h, a nd I a lm ost fo rg o t, in th re e w eek s, Satu rd ay n ig ht. M oth er a nd D ad dy w ant y 'a ll to c o m e h ave s u p per." I s it u p s tr a ig hte r. I 'v e n ever m et h is p are nts b efo re . " W hat d o y o u m ean . . . y 'a ll? " "Y ou a nd y o ur p are nts . C om e in to to w n, m eet m y fa m ily ." "B ut . . . w hy a ll o f u s? " He s h ru gs. " M y p are nts w ant to m eet th em . A nd I w ant th em to m eet y o u." "B ut . . ." "I'm s o rry , b ab y," h e s a ys a nd p ush es m y h air b ehin d m y e ar, " I h ave to g o . C all y o u to m orro w nig ht? " I n o d. H e c lim bs o ut in to th e h eat a nd d riv es o ff, w avin g to D ad dy w alk in g u p th e d usty la ne.

I'm le ft a lo ne in th e C ad illa c to w orry . S up per a t th e s ta te s e nato r's h o use . W it h M oth er th ere a sk in g a th o usa nd q uestio ns. L ookin g d esp era te o n m y b ehalf . B rin gin g u p c o tto n tr u st fu nd s.

TH REE E X CRU CIA TIN GLY L O NG, h o t n ig hts la te r, w it h s till n o w ord fr o m Y ule M ay o r a ny oth er m aid s, S tu art c o m es o ver, s tr a ig ht fr o m h is m eetin g o n th e c o ast. I 'm s ic k o f s it tin g a t th e ty p ew rit e r ty p in g n o th in g b ut n ew sle tte rs a nd M is s M yrn a. I r u n d ow n th e s te p s a nd h e h ugs m e lik e it 's b een w eek s.

Stu art's s u nb urn ed b eneath h is w hit e s h ir t, th e b ack w rin k le d fr o m d riv in g, th e s le eves r o lle d u p . H e wears a p erp etu al, a lm ost d evilis h s m ile . W e b oth s it s tr a ig ht u p o n o pposit e s id es o f th e r e la xin g ro om , s ta rin g a t e ach o th er. W e'r e w ait in g fo r M oth er to g o to b ed . D ad dy w ent to s le ep w hen th e su n w ent d ow n.

Stu art's e yes h ang o n m in e w hile M oth er w axes o n a b out th e h eat, h o w C arlt o n's fin ally m et " th e one." "A nd w e'r e th rille d a b out d in in g w it h y o ur p are nts , S tu art. P le ase d o te ll y o ur m oth er I s a id s o ." "Y es m a'a m . I s u re w ill. " He s m ile s o ver a t m e a gain . T here a re s o m any th in gs I lo ve a b out h im . H e lo oks m e s tr a ig ht in th e eye w hen w e ta lk . H is p alm s a re c allu se d b ut h is n ails a re c le an a nd tr im med . I lo ve th e r o ugh fe elin g on m y n eck . A nd I 'd b e ly in g if I d id n't a d m it th at it 's n ic e to h ave s o m eo ne to g o to w ed din gs a nd partie s w it h . N ot to h ave to e nd ure th e lo ok in R ale ig h L eefo lt 's e yes w hen h e s e es th at I 'm ta ggin g alo ng a gain . T he s u lle n d aze w hen h e h as to c arry m y c o at w it h E liz a b eth 's , fe tc h m e a d rin k to o.

Then th ere is S tu art a t th e h o use . F ro m th e m in ute h e w alk s in , I a m p ro te cte d , e xem pt. M oth er won't c rit ic iz e m e in fr o nt o f h im , fo r fe ar h e m ig ht n o tic e m y fla w s h im se lf . S he w on't n ag m e in fr o nt of h im b ecause s h e k no w s th at I 'd a ct b ad ly , w hin e. S ho rt m y c hances. I t's a ll a b ig g am e to M oth er, to s h o w o nly o ne s id e o f m e, th at th e r e al m e s h o uld n't c o m e o ut u ntil a fte r it 's " to o la te ." Fin ally , a t h alf p ast n in e, M oth er s m ooth es h er s k ir t, fo ld s a b la nk et s lo w ly a nd p erfe ctly , lik e a cheris h ed le tte r. " W ell, I g uess it 's tim e fo r b ed . I 'll le t y o u y o ung p eo ple a lo ne. E ugenia ?" S he e yes me. " N ot to o la te , n o w ?" I s m ile s w eetly . I a m tw enty -th re e g o ddam n y ears o ld . " O f c o urs e n o t, M am a." She le aves a nd w e s it , s ta rin g, s m ilin g.

Wait in g.

Moth er p ad s a ro und th e k it c hen, c lo se s a w in d ow , r u ns s o m e w ate r. A fe w s e co nd s p ass a nd w e hear th e c la ck -c lic k o f h er b ed ro om d oor s h uttin g. S tu art s ta nd s a nd s a ys, " C om e here ," a nd h e's o n my s id e o f th e r o om in o ne s tr id e a nd h e c la p s m y h and s to h is h ip s a nd k is se s m y m outh lik e I a m th e d rin k h e's b een d yin g fo r a ll d ay a nd I 'v e h eard g ir ls s a y it 's lik e m elt in g, th at fe elin g. B ut I th in k it 's lik e r is in g, g ro w in g e ven ta lle r a nd s e ein g s ig hts o ver a h ed ge, c o lo rs y o u'v e n ever s e en b efo re .

I h ave to m ak e m yse lf p ull a w ay. I h ave th in gs to s a y. " C om e h ere . S it d ow n." We s it s id e b y s id e o n th e s o fa . H e tr ie s to k is s m e a gain , b ut I b ack m y h ead a w ay. I tr y n o t to lo ok at th e w ay h is s u nb urn m ak es h is e yes s o b lu e. O r th e w ay th e h air s o n h is a rm s a re g o ld en, ble ached .

"S tu art- -" I s w allo w , r e ad y m yse lf fo r th e d re ad ed q uestio n. " W hen y o u w ere e ngaged , w ere y o ur pare nts d is a p poin te d ? W hen w hate ver h ap pened w it h P atr ic ia . . . h ap pened ?" Im med ia te ly a s tif fn ess fo rm s a ro und h is m outh . H e e yes m e. " M oth er w as d is a p poin te d . T hey w ere clo se ." Alr e ad y I r e gre t h avin g b ro ught it u p , b ut I h ave to k no w . " H ow c lo se ?" He g la nces a ro und th e r o om . " D o y o u h ave a nyth in g in th e h o use ? B ourb on?" I g o to th e k it c hen a nd p our h im a g la ss fr o m P asc ago ula 's c o okin g b ottle , to p it o ff w it h p le nty o f wate r. S tu art m ad e it c le ar th e fir s t tim e h e s h o w ed u p o n m y p orc h h is fia ncee w as a b ad s u b je ct.

But I n eed to k no w w hat th is th in g w as th at h ap pened . N ot ju st b ecause I 'm c urio us. I 'v e n ever been in a r e la tio nsh ip . I n eed to k no w w hat c o nstit u te s b re ak in g u p fo re ver. I n eed to k no w h o w many r u le s y o u c an b re ak b efo re y o u'r e th ro w n o ut, a nd w hat th o se r u le s e ven a re in th e fir s t p la ce.

"S o th ey w ere g o od fr ie nd s? " I a sk . I 'll b e m eetin g h is m oth er in tw o w eek s. M oth er's a lr e ad y s e t o n our s h o ppin g tr ip to K ennin gto n's to m orro w .

He ta k es a lo ng d rin k , fr o w ns. " T hey'd g et in a r o om a nd s w ap n o te s o n flo w er a rra ngem ents a nd who m arrie d w ho ." A ll tr a ces o f h is m is c hie vo us s m ile a re g o ne n o w . " M oth er w as p re tty s h o ok u p .

Afte r it . . . fe ll a p art." "S o . . . s h e'll b e c o m parin g m e to P atr ic ia ?" Stu art b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd . " P ro bab ly ." "G re at. I c an h ard ly w ait ." "M oth er's ju st...p ro te ctiv e is a ll. S he's w orrie d I 'll g et h urt a gain ." H e lo oks o ff.

"W here is P atr ic ia n o w ? D oes s h e s till liv e h ere o r- -" "N o. S he's g o ne. M oved to C alif o rn ia . C an w e ta lk a b out s o m eth in g e ls e n o w ?" I s ig h, fa ll b ack a gain st th e s o fa .

"W ell, d o y o ur p are nts a t le ast k no w w hat h ap pened ? I m ean, a m I a llo w ed to k no w th at? " B ecause I fe el a fla sh o f a nger th at h e w on't te ll m e s o m eth in g a s im porta nt a s th is .

"S keete r, I to ld y o u, I h ate ta lk in g . . ." B ut th en h e g rit s h is te eth , lo w ers h is v o ic e. " D ad o nly k no w s part o f it . M oth er k no w s th e r e al s to ry , s o d o P atr ic ia 's p are nts . A nd o f c o urs e her ." H e th ro w s back th e r e st o f th e d rin k . " S he k no w s w hat s h e d id , th at's fo r g o ddam n s u re ." "S tu art, I o nly w ant to k no w s o I d on't d o th e s a m e th in g." He lo oks a t m e a nd tr ie s to la ugh b ut it c o m es o ut m ore lik e a g ro w l. " Y ou w ould n ever in a m illio n years d o w hat s h e d id ." "W hat? W hat d id s h e d o?" "S keete r." H e s ig hs a nd s e ts h is g la ss d ow n. " I'm tir e d . I b ette r ju st g o o n h o m e." I W alk in T H E S TEA M Y k it c hen th e n ext m orn in g, d re ad in g th e d ay a head . M oth er is in h er r o om gettin g r e ad y fo r o ur s h o ppin g tr ip to o utfit u s b oth fo r s u p per a t th e W hit w orth s'. I h ave o n b lu e je ans a nd a n u ntu ck ed b lo use .

"M orn in g, P asc ago ula ." "M orn in g, M is s S keete r. Y ou w ant y o ur r e gula r b re ak fa st? " "Y es, p le ase ," I s a y.

Pasc ago ula is s m all a nd q uic k o n h er fe et. I to ld h er la st J u ne h o w I lik ed m y c o ffe e b la ck a nd to ast bare ly b utte re d a nd s h e n ever h ad to a sk a gain . S he's lik e C onsta ntin e th at w ay, n ever fo rg ettin g th in gs fo r u s. I t m ak es m e w ond er h o w m any w hit e w om en's b re ak fa sts s h e h as in gra in ed in h er bra in . I w ond er h o w it w ould fe el to s p end y o ur w ho le lif e tr y in g to r e m em ber o th er p eo ple 's pre fe re nces o n to ast b utte r a nd s ta rc h a m ounts a nd s h eet c hangin g.

She s e ts m y c o ffe e d ow n in fr o nt o f m e. S he d oesn 't h and it to m e. A ib ile en to ld m e th at's n o t h o w it 's d one, b ecause th en y o ur h and s m ig ht to uch. I d on't r e m em ber h o w C onsta ntin e u se d to d o it .

"T hank y o u," I s a y, " v ery m uch." She b lin k s a t m e a s e co nd , s m ile s w eak ly . " Y ou . . . w elc o m e." I r e aliz e th is th e fir s t tim e I 'v e e ver th ank ed h er s in cere ly . S he lo oks u nco m fo rta b le .

"S keete r, y o u r e ad y?" I h ear M oth er c all fr o m th e b ack . I h o lle r th at I a m . I e at m y to ast a nd h o pe we c an g et th is s h o ppin g tr ip o ver q uic k ly . I a m te n y ears to o o ld to h ave m y m oth er s till p ic k in g o ut clo th es fo r m e. I lo ok o ver a nd n o tic e P asc ago ula w atc hin g m e fr o m th e s in k . S he tu rn s a w ay w hen I lo ok a t h er.

I s k im th e Ja ck so n J o urn al s it tin g o n th e ta b le . M y n ext M is s M yrn a c o lu m n w on't c o m e o ut u ntil next M ond ay, u nlo ck in g th e m yste ry o f h ard -w ate r s ta in s. D ow n in th e n atio nal n ew s s e ctio n, th ere 's an a rtic le o n a n ew p ill, th e " V aliu m " th ey'r e c allin g it , " to h elp w om en c o pe w it h e very d ay challe nges." G od, I c o uld u se a b out te n o f th o se lit tle p ills r ig ht n o w .

I lo ok u p a nd a m s u rp ris e d to s e e P asc ago ula s ta nd in g r ig ht n ext to m e.

"A re y o u . . . d o y o u n eed s o m eth in g, P asc ago ula ?" I a sk .

"I n eed to te ll y o u s o m eth in g, M is s S keete r. S om eth in g b out th at- -" "Y ou c anno t w ear d ungare es to K ennin gto n's ," M oth er s a ys fr o m th e d oorw ay. L ik e v ap or, Pasc ago ula d is a p pears fr o m m y s id e. S he's b ack a t th e s in k , s tr e tc hin g a b la ck r u b ber h o se fr o m th e fa ucet to th e d is h w ash er.

"Y ou g o u p sta ir s a nd p ut o n s o m eth in g a p pro pria te ." "M oth er, th is is w hat I 'm w earin g. W hat's th e p oin t o f g ettin g d re sse d u p to b uy n ew c lo th es? " "E ugenia , p le ase le t's d on't m ak e th is a ny h ard er th an it is ." Moth er g o es b ack to h er b ed ro om , b ut I k no w th is is n 't th e e nd o f it . T he whoosh o f th e d is h w ash er fills th e r o om . T he flo or v ib ra te s u nd er m y b are fe et a nd th e r u m ble is s o oth in g, lo ud e no ugh to co ver a c o nvers a tio n. I w atc h P asc ago ula a t th e s in k .

"D id y o u n eed to te ll m e s o m eth in g, P asc ago ula ?" I a sk .

Pasc ago ula g la nces a t th e d oor. S he's ju st a s lip o f a p ers o n, p ra ctic ally h alf o f m e. H er m anner is s o tim id , I lo w er m y h ead w hen I ta lk to h er. S he c o m es a lit tle c lo se r.

"Y ule M ay m y co usin ," P asc ago ula s a ys o ver th e w hir o f th e m achin e. S he's w his p erin g, b ut th ere 's no th in g tim id a b out h er to ne n o w .

"I . . . d id n't k no w th at." "W e c lo se k in a nd s h e c o m e o ut to m y h o use e ver o th er w eek end to c heck o n m e. S he to ld m e what it is y o u d oin g." S he n arro w s h er e yes a nd I th in k s h e's a b out to te ll m e to le ave h er c o usin alo ne.

"I . . . w e'r e c hangin g th e n am es. S he to ld y o u th at, r ig ht? I d on't w ant to g et a nyb ody in tr o ub le ." "S he te ll m e S atu rd ay s h e g o ne h elp y o u. S he tr y to c all A ib ile en b ut c o uld n't g et h er. I 'd a to le y o u earlie r b ut . . ." A gain s h e g la nces a t th e d oorw ay.

I'm s tu nned . " S he is ? S he will ?" I s ta nd u p . D esp it e m y b ette r th in k in g, I c an't h elp b ut a sk .

"P asc ago ula , d o y o u . . . w ant to h elp w it h th e s to rie s to o?" She g iv es m e a lo ng, s te ad y lo ok. " Y ou m ean te ll y o u w hat it 's lik e to w ork fo r . . . y o ur m am a?" We lo ok a t e ach o th er, p ro bab ly th in k in g th e s a m e th in g. T he d is c o m fo rt o f h er te llin g, th e dis c o m fo rt o f m e lis te nin g.

"N ot M oth er," I s a y q uic k ly . " O th er jo bs, o nes y o u'v e h ad b efo re th is ." "T his m y fir s t jo b w ork in g d om estic . I u se to w ork a t th e O ld L ad y H om e s e rv in g lu nch. F ore it move o ut to F lo w ood." "Y ou m ean M oth er d id n't m in d th is b ein g y o ur fir s t h o use jo b?" Pasc ago ula lo oks a t th e r e d lin o le um flo or, tim id a gain . " N obody e ls e a w ork fo r h er," s h e s a ys.

"N ot a fte r w hat h ap pen w it h C onsta ntin e." I p la ce m y h and c are fu lly o n th e ta b le . " W hat d id y o u th in k a b out... th at? " Pasc ago ula 's fa ce tu rn s b la nk . S he b lin k s a fe w tim es, c le arly o uts m artin g m e. " I d on't k no w n o th in g ab out it . I ju st w ante d to te ll y o u w hat Y ule M ay s a y." S he g o es to th e r e fr ig era to r, o pens it a nd le ans in sid e.

I le t o ut a lo ng, d eep b re ath . O ne th in g a t a tim e.

SH O PPIN G W IT H M OTH ER is n 't a s u nb eara b le a s u su al, p ro bab ly b ecause I 'm in s u ch a g o od mood fr o m h earin g a b out Y ule M ay. M oth er s it s in a c hair in th e d re ssin g lo unge a nd I c ho ose th e fir s t L ad y D ay s u it I tr y o n, lig ht b lu e p oplin w it h a r o und -c o lla r ja ck et. W e le ave it a t th e s to re s o th ey c an ta k e d ow n th e h em . I 'm s u rp ris e d w hen M oth er d oesn 't tr y o n a nyth in g. A fte r o nly h alf a n ho ur, s h e s a ys s h e's tir e d , s o I d riv e u s b ack to L ongle af. M oth er g o es s tr a ig ht to h er r o om to n ap .

When w e g et h o m e, I c all E liz a b eth 's h o use , m y h eart p ound in g, b ut E liz a b eth p ic k s u p th e p ho ne. I don't h ave th e n erv e to a sk fo r A ib ile en. A fte r th e s a tc hel s c are , I p ro m is e d m yse lf I 'd b e m ore care fu l.

So I w ait u ntil th at n ig ht, h o pin g A ib ile en's h o m e. I s it o n m y c an o f flo ur, fin gers w ork in g a b ag o f dry r ic e. S he a nsw ers o n th e fir s t r in g.

"S he'll h elp u s, A ib ile en. Y ule M ay s a id y es!" "S ay w hat? W hen y o u fin d o ut? " "T his a fte rn o on. P asc ago ula to ld m e. Y ule M ay c o uld n't r e ach y o u." "L aw , m y p ho ne w as d is c o nnecte d c ause I 's s h o rt th is m onth . Y ou ta lk to Y ule M ay?" "N o, I th o ught it w ould b e b ette r if y o u ta lk ed to h er fir s t." "W hat's s tr a nge is I c all o ver to M is s H illy h o use th is a fte rn o on fr o m M is s L eefo lt 's , b ut s h e s a y Y ule May d on't w ork th ere n o m ore a nd h ang u p . I b een a sk in g a ro und b ut n o body k no w a th in g." "H illy fir e d h er? " "I d on't k no w . I 's h o pin g m ayb e s h e q uit ." "I'll c all H illy a nd fin d o ut. G od, I h o pe s h e's a lr ig ht." "A nd n o w th at m y p ho ne's b ack o n, I k eep tr y in g to c all Y ule M ay." I c all H illy 's h o use fo ur tim es b ut th e p ho ne ju st r in gs. F in ally I c all E liz a b eth 's a nd s h e te lls m e H illy 's go ne to P ort G ib so n fo r th e n ig ht. T hat W illia m 's fa th er is ill.

"D id s o m eth in g h ap pen . . . w it h h er m aid ?" I a sk a s c asu ally a s I c an.

"Y ou k no w , s h e m entio ned s o m eth in g a b out Y ule M ay, b ut th en s h e s a id s h e w as la te a nd h ad to pack u p th e c ar." I s p end th e r e st o f th e n ig ht o n th e b ack p orc h, r e hears in g q uestio ns, n erv o us a b out w hat s to rie s Yule M ay m ig ht te ll a b out H illy . D esp it e o ur d is a gre em ents , H illy is s till o ne o f m y c lo se st fr ie nd s.

But th e b ook, n o w th at it is g o in g a gain , is m ore im porta nt th an a nyth in g. I la y o n th e c o t a t m id nig ht. T he c ric k ets s in g o uts id e th e s c re en. I le t m y b ody s in k d eep in to th e th in m attr e ss, a gain st th e s p rin gs. M y fe et d angle o ff th e e nd , d ance n erv o usly , r e lis h in g r e lie f fo r th e fir s t tim e in m onth s. I t's n o t a d oze n m aid s, b ut it 's o ne m ore .

TH E N EX T D AY, I 'm s it tin g in fr o nt o f th e te le vis io n s e t w atc hin g th e tw elv e o 'c lo ck n ew s. C harle s Warrin g is r e p ortin g, te llin g m e th at s ix ty A meric an s o ld ie rs h ave b een k ille d in V ie tn am . I t's s o s a d to m e. S ix ty m en, in a p la ce fa r a w ay fr o m a nyo ne th ey lo ved , h ad to d ie . I th in k it 's b ecause o f Stu art th at th is b oth ers m e s o , b ut C harle s W arrin g lo oks e erily th rille d b y it a ll.

I p ic k u p a c ig are tte a nd p ut it b ack d ow n. I 'm tr y in g n o t to s m oke, b ut I 'm n erv o us a b out to nig ht.

Moth er's b een n aggin g m e a b out m y s m okin g a nd I k no w I s h o uld s to p, b ut it 's n o t lik e it 's g o in g to kill m e. I w is h I c o uld a sk P asc ago ula m ore a b out w hat Y ule M ay s a id , b ut P asc ago ula c alle d th is morn in g a nd s a id s h e h ad a p ro ble m a nd w ould n't b e c o m in g in u ntil th is a fte rn o on.

I c an h ear M oth er o ut o n th e b ack p orc h, h elp in g J a m eso m ak e ic e c re am . E ven in th e fr o nt o f th e ho use , I c an h ear th e r u m bly n o is e o f ic e c ra ck in g, th e s a lt c ru nchin g. T he s o und is d elic io us, m ak es me w is h fo r s o m e n o w , b ut it w on't b e r e ad y fo r h o urs . O f c o urs e , n o o ne m ak es ic e c re am a t tw elv e n o on o n a h o t d ay, it 's a n ig ht c ho re , b ut M oth er h as it in h er m in d th at s h e's g o in g to m ak e peach ic e c re am a nd th e h eat b e d am ned .

I g o o ut o n th e b ack p orc h a nd lo ok. T he b ig s ilv er ic e-c re am m ak er is c o ld a nd s w eatin g. T he porc h flo or v ib ra te s. J a m eso 's s it tin g o n a n u p sid ed ow n b uck et, k nees o n e it h er s id e o f th e m achin e, tu rn in g th e w ooden c ra nk w it h g lo ved h and s. S te am r is e s fr o m th e w ell o f d ry ic e.

"H as P asc ago ula c o m e in y et? " M am a a sk s, fe ed in g m ore c re am in to th e m achin e.

"N ot y et," I s a y. M oth er is s w eatin g. S he p ush es a lo ose s tr a nd o f h air b ehin d h er e ar. " I'll p our th e cre am a w hile , M am a. Y ou lo ok h o t." "Y ou w on't d o it r ig ht. I h ave to d o it ," s h e s a ys a nd s h o os m e b ack in sid e.

On th e n ew s, n o w R oger S tic k er is r e p ortin g in fr o nt o f th e J a ck so n p ost o ffic e w it h th e s a m e s tu p id grin a s th e w ar r e p orte r. " . . . th is m odern p osta l a d dre ssin g s y ste m is c alle d a Z -Z -Z IP c o de, th at's rig ht, I s a id Z -Z -Z IP c o de, th at's fiv e n um bers to b e w rit te n a lo ng th e b otto m o f y o ur e nvelo pe . . ." He's h o ld in g u p a le tte r, s h o w in g u s w here to w rit e th e n um bers . A m an in o vera lls w it h n o te eth sa ys, " A in 't n o body g o nna u se th em th ere n um bers . F olk s is s till tr y in g to g et u se d to u sin g th e te lly p ho ne." I h ear th e fr o nt d oor c lo se . A m in ute p asse s a nd P asc ago ula c o m es in th e r e la xin g r o om .

"M oth er's o ut o n th e b ack p orc h," I te ll h er b ut P asc ago ula d oesn 't s m ile , d oesn 't e ven lo ok u p a t me. S he ju st h and s m e a s m all e nvelo pe. "S he w as g o ne m ail it b ut I to ld h er I ju st c arry it to y o u." The fr o nt o f th e e nvelo pe is a d dre sse d to m e, n o r e tu rn n am e o n it . C erta in ly n o Z IP c o de.

Pasc ago ula w alk s o ff to w ard th e b ack p orc h.

I o pen th e le tte r. T he h and w rit in g is in b la ck p en, w rit te n o n th e s tr a ig ht b lu e lin es o f s c ho ol p ap er:

Dea r M is s S keete r, I w ant y o u t o k now h ow s o rry I a m t h at I w on't b e a ble t o h elp y o u w it h y o ur s to rie s. B ut n ow I c a n't a nd I w ant t o b e t h e o ne t o t e ll y o u w hy. A s y o u k now , I u se d t o w ait o n a f r ie n d o f yo urs. I d id n't lik e w ork in g f o r h er a nd I w ante d t o q uit m any t im es b ut I w as a fr a id t o . I w as afr a id I m ig ht n ev er g et a noth er j o b o nce s h e'd h ad h er s a y.

Yo u p ro bably d on't k now t h at a fte r I f in is h ed h ig h s c h ool, I w en t o n t o c o lle g e. I w ould 'v e gra duate d e x cep t I d ecid ed t o g et m arrie d . I t's o ne o f m y f e w r e g re ts in lif e , n ot g ettin g m y co lle g e d eg re e. I h ave t w in b oys t h at m ake it a ll w orth w hile , t h ough. F or t e n y ea rs, m y husb and a nd I h ave s a ved o ur m oney t o s e n d t h em t o T o ugalo o C olle g e, b ut a s h ard a s w e work ed , w e s till d id n't h ave e n ough f o r b oth . M y b oys a re e q ually a s s m art, e q ually e a ger f o r an e d uca tio n. B ut w e o nly h ad t h e m oney f o r o ne a nd I a sk y o u, h ow d o y o u c h oose w hic h o f yo ur t w in s o ns s h ould g o t o c o lle g e a nd w hic h s h ould t a ke a j o b s p re a din g t a r? H ow d o y o u te ll o ne t h at y o u lo ve h im j u st a s m uch a s t h e o th er, b ut y o u'v e d ecid ed h e w on't b e t h e o ne t o get a c h ance in lif e ? Y o u d on't . Y o u f in d a w ay t o m ake it h appen . A ny w ay a t a ll.

I s u ppose y o u c o uld lo ok a t t h is a s a c o nfe ssio n le tte r. I s to le f ro m t h at w om an. A n u gly r u by rin g, h opin g it w ould c o ver t h e r e st o f t h e t u it io n. S om eth in g s h e n ev er w ore a nd I f e lt s h e ow ed m e f o r e v ery th in g I 'd b een t h ro ugh w ork in g f o r h er. O f c o urse n ow , n eit h er o f m y b oys will b e g oin g t o c o lle g e. T he c o urt f in e is n ea rly a s m uch a s w e h ad s a ved .

Sin cere ly , Yu le M ay C ro okle Wom en 's B lo ck 9 Mis sis sip pi S ta te P en it e n tia ry The pen it e n tia ry.

I s h ud der. I lo ok a ro und fo r P asc ago ula b ut s h e's le ft th e r o om . I w ant to a sk h er when th is h ap pened , h o w it h ap pened s o g o ddam n fa st? W hat c an b e d one? B ut P asc ago ula 's g o ne outs id e to h elp M oth er. W e c an't ta lk o ut th ere . I fe el s ic k , n ause o us. I s w it c h o ff th e te le vis io n.

I th in k a b out Y ule M ay, s it tin g in a ja il c ell w rit in g th is le tte r. I b et I e ven k no w w hat r in g Y ule M ay's ta lk in g a b out- -H illy 's m oth er g ave it to h er fo r h er e ig hte enth b ir th d ay. H illy h ad it a p pra is e d a fe w years a go a nd fo und o ut it w asn 't e ven a r u b y, ju st a g arn et, h ard ly w orth a nyth in g. H illy n ever w ore it a gain . M y h and s tu rn to fis ts .

The s o und o f th e ic e c re am c hurn in g o uts id e s o und s lik e b ones c ru nchin g. I g o to th e k it c hen to w ait fo r P asc ago ula , to g et a nsw ers . I 'll te ll D ad dy. I 'll s e e if th ere 's a nyth in g h e c an d o. I f h e k no w s a ny la w yers w ho w ould b e w illin g to h elp h er.

I W alk u p A IB IL EEN 'S S TEPS a t e ig ht o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht. T his w as s u p pose d to b e o ur fir s t in te rv ie w w it h Y ule M ay a nd e ven th o ugh I k no w th at's n o t g o in g to h ap pen, I 'v e d ecid ed to c o m e anyw ay. I t's r a in in g a nd b lo w in g h ard a nd I h o ld m y r a in co at tig ht a ro und m e a nd th e s a tc hel. I k ep t th in k in g I 'd c all A ib ile en to ta lk a b out th e s it u atio n, b ut I c o uld n't b rin g m yse lf to d o it . I n ste ad , I pra ctic ally d ra gged P asc ago ula u p sta ir s s o M oth er w ould n't s e e u s ta lk in g a nd a sk ed h er e very th in g.

"Y ule M ay h ad h er a r e al g o od la w yer," P asc ago ula s a id . " B ut e verb ody s a yin g th e ju d ge w if e b e go od fr ie nd s w it h M is s H olb ro ok a nd h o w a r e gula r s e nte nce b e s ix m onth s fo r p etty s te alin g, b ut Mis s H olb ro ok, s h e g et it p ush ed u p to fo ur y ears . T hat tr ia l w as d one fo re it e ven s ta rte d ." "I c o uld a sk D ad dy. H e c o uld tr y a nd g et h er a . . . w hit e la w yer." Pasc ago ula s h ak es h er h ead , s a ys, " H e was a w hit e la w yer." I k no ck o n A ib ile en's d oor, fe el a r u sh o f s h am e. I s h o uld n't b e th in k in g a b out m y o w n p ro ble m s when Y ule M ay is in ja il, b ut I k no w w hat th is m eans fo r th e b ook. I f th e m aid s w ere a fr a id to h elp us y este rd ay, I 'm s u re th ey'r e te rrif ie d to day.

The d oor o pens a nd a N egro m an s ta nd s th ere lo okin g a t m e, h is w hit e c le ric al c o lla r g le am in g. I hear A ib ile en s a y, " It's o kay, R evere nd ." H e h esit a te s, b ut th en m oves b ack fo r m e to c o m e in .

I s te p in sid e a nd s e e a t le ast tw enty p eo ple p ack ed in th e tin y liv in g r o om a nd h allw ay. I c anno t s e e th e flo or. A ib ile en's b ro ught o ut th e k it c hen c hair s , b ut m ost p eo ple s ta nd . I s p ot M in ny in th e co rn er, s till in h er u nif o rm . I r e co gniz e L ou A nne T em ple to n's m aid , L ouvenia , n ext to h er, b ut every o ne e ls e is a s tr a nger.

"H ey M is s S keete r," w his p ers A ib ile en. S he's s till in h er w hit e u nif o rm a nd w hit e o rth o ped ic s h o es.

"S ho uld I . . ." I p oin t b ehin d m e. " I'll c o m e b ack la te r," I w his p er.

Aib ile en s h ak es h er h ead . " S om eth in g a w fu l h ap pen to Y ule M ay." "I k no w ," I s a y. T he r o om is q uie t e xcep t fo r a fe w c o ughs. A c hair c re ak s. H ym n b ooks a re sta ck ed o n th e s m all w ooden ta b le .

"I ju st fin d o ut to day," A ib ile en s a ys. " S he a rre ste d o n M ond ay, in th e p en o n T uesd ay. T hey s a y th e who le tr ia l to ok fif te en m in ute s." "S he s e nt m e a le tte r," I s a y. " S he to ld m e a b out h er s o ns. P asc ago ula g ave it to m e." "S he te ll y o u s h e o nly s h o rt s e venty -fiv e d olla rs fo r th at tu it io n? S he a sk M is s H illy fo r a lo an, y o u kno w . S ay s h e'd p ay h er b ack s o m e e ver w eek , b ut M is s H illy s a y n o . T hat a tr u e C hris tia n d on't giv e c harit y to th o se w ho is w ell a nd a b le . S ay it 's k in d er to le t th em le arn to w ork th in gs o ut th eyse lv es." God, I c an ju st im agin e H illy g iv in g th at g o ddam n s p eech. I c an h ard ly lo ok A ib ile en in th e fa ce.

"T he c hurc hes g o t to geth er th o ugh. T hey g o ne s e nd b oth th em b oys to c o lle ge." The r o om is d ead q uie t, e xcep t fo r A ib ile en a nd m y w his p erin g. " D o y o u th in k th ere 's a nyth in g I c an do? A ny w ay I c an h elp ? M oney o r . . ." "N o. C hurc h a lr e ad y s e t u p a p la n to p ay th e la w yer. T o k eep h im o n fo r w hen s h e c o m e u p fo r paro le ." A ib ile en le ts h er h ead h ang. I 'm s u re it 's o ut o f g rie f fo r Y ule M ay, b ut I s u sp ect s h e a ls o kno w s th e b ook is o ver. " T hey g o ne b e s e nio rs b y th e tim e s h e g et o ut. C ourt g iv e h er fo ur y ears and a fiv e h und re d d olla r fin e." "I'm s o s o rry , A ib ile en," I s a y. I g la nce a ro und a t th e p eo ple in th e r o om , th eir h ead s b ow ed a s if lo okin g a t m e m ig ht b urn th em . I lo ok d ow n.

"S he e vil, th at w om an!" M in ny b ark s fr o m th e o th er s id e o f th e s o fa a nd I flin ch, h o pin g s h e d oesn 't mean m e.

"H illy H olb ro ok b een s e nt u p h ere fr o m th e d evil to r u ir n a s m any liv es a s s h e c an!" M in ny w ip es h er no se a cro ss h er s le eve.

"M in ny, it 's a lr ig ht," th e r e vere nd s a ys. " W e'll fin d s o m eth in g w e c an d o fo r h er." I lo ok a t th e d ra w n fa ces, w ond erin g w hat th at th in g c o uld p ossib ly b e.

The r o om g o es u nb eara b ly q uie t a gain . T he a ir is h o t a nd s m ells lik e b urn ed c o ffe e. I fe el a p ro fo und sin gula rit y , h ere , in a p la ce w here I 'v e a lm ost g ro w n c o m fo rta b le . I fe el th e h eat o f d is lik e a nd g uilt .

The b ald r e vere nd w ip es h is e yes w it h a h and kerc hie f. " T hank y o u, A ib ile en, fo r h avin g u s in y o ur ho m e fo r p ra yer." P eo ple b egin to s tir , te llin g e ach o th er g o od n ig ht w it h s o le m n n o ds. H and bags a re pic k ed u p , h ats a re p ut o n h ead s. T he r e vere nd o pens th e d oor, le ttin g in th e d am p o uts id e a ir . A wom an w it h c urly g ra y h air a nd a b la ck c o at fo llo w s c lo se b ehin d h im , b ut th en s to ps in fr o nt o f m e where I 'm s ta nd in g w it h m y s a tc hel.

Her r a in co at fa lls o pen a lit tle to r e veal a w hit e u nif o rm .

"M is s S keete r," s h e s a ys, w it h o ut a s m ile , " I'm o n h elp y o u w it h th e s to rie s." I tu rn a nd lo ok a t A ib ile en. H er e yeb ro w s g o u p , h er m outh o pens. I tu rn b ack to th e w om an b ut sh e is a lr e ad y w alk in g o ut th e d oor.

"I'm o n h elp y o u, M is s S keete r." T his is a no th er w om an, ta ll a nd le an, w it h th e s a m e q uie t lo ok a s th e fir s t.

"U m, th ank . . . y o u," I s a y.

"I a m to o, M is s S keete r. I 'm o n h elp y o u." A w om an in a r e d c o at w alk s b y q uic k ly , d oesn 't e ven meet m y e yes.

Afte r th e n ext o ne, I s ta rt c o untin g. F iv e. S ix . S even. I n o d b ack a t th em , c an s a y n o th in g b ut th ank yo u. T hank y o u. Y es, th ank y o u, to e ach o ne. M y r e lie f is b it te r, th at it to ok Y ule M ay's in te rn m ent to b rin g u s to th is .

Eig ht. N in e. T en. E le ven. N o o ne is s m ilin g w hen th ey te ll m e th ey w ant to h elp . T he r o om c le ars out, e xcep t fo r M in ny. S he s ta nd s in th e fa r c o rn er, a rm s c la m ped a cro ss h er c hest. W hen e very o ne is g o ne, s h e lo oks u p a nd m eets m y g aze fo r h ard ly a s e co nd th en je rk s h er e yes to th e b ro w n curta in s, p in ned tig ht a cro ss th e w in d ow . B ut I s e e it , th e flic k er o n h er m outh , a h in t o f s o ftn ess beneath h er a nger. M in ny h as m ad e th is h ap pen.

WIT H E V ERY O NE T R AV ELIN G, o ur g ro up h asn 't p la yed b rid ge in a m onth . O n W ed nesd ay, w e meet a t L ou A nne T em ple to n's h o use , g re et w it h h and -p attin g a nd g o od-to -se e-y o us.

"L ou A nne, y o u p oor th in g, in th o se lo ng s le eves in th is h eat. I s it th e e cze m a a gain ?" E liz a b eth a sk s because L ou A nne's w earin g a g ra y w ool d re ss in th e h eat o f s u m mer.

Lou A nne lo oks a t h er la p , c le arly e m barra sse d . " Y es, it 's g ettin g w ors e ." But I c anno t s ta nd to to uch H illy w hen s h e r e aches o ut to m e. W hen I b ack a w ay fr o m h er h ug, s h e acts lik e s h e d oesn 't n o tic e. B ut d urin g th e g am e, s h e k eep s lo okin g a t m e w it h n arro w ed e yes.

"W hat a re y o u g o in g to d o?" E liz a b eth a sk s H illy . " Y ou'r e w elc o m e to b rin g th e c hild re n o ver a ny tim e, b ut . . . w ell . . ." B efo re b rid ge c lu b , H illy d ro pped H eath er a nd W illia m a t E liz a b eth 's fo r Aib ile en to lo ok a fte r w hile w e p la y b rid ge. B ut I a lr e ad y k no w th e m essa ge in E liz a b eth 's s o ur sm ile : s h e w ors h ip s H illy , b ut E liz a b eth d oes n o t c are to s h are h er h elp w it h a nyb ody.

"I k new it . I k new th at g ir l w as a th ie f th e d ay s h e s ta rte d ." A s H illy te lls u s th e s to ry o f Y ule M ay, sh e m ak es a b ig c ir c le w it h h er fin ger to in d ic ate a h uge s to ne, th e u nim agin ab le w orth o f th e " ru b y." "I c aught h er ta k in g th e m ilk a fte r it e xp ir e d a nd th at's h o w it s ta rts , y o u k no w , fir s t it 's w ash in g pow der, th en th ey w ork th eir w ay u p to to w els a nd c o ats . B efo re y o u k no w it , th ey'r e ta k in g th e heir lo om s, h o ck in g th em fo r liq uo r p in ts . G od k no w s w hat e ls e s h e to ok." I fig ht th e u rg e to s n ap e ach o f h er fla p pin g fin gers in h alf , b ut I h o ld m y to ngue. L et h er th in k every th in g is fin e. I t is s a fe r fo r e very o ne.

Afte r th e g am e, I r u sh h o m e to p re p are fo r A ib ile en's th at n ig ht, r e lie ved th ere 's n o t a s o ul in th e ho use . I q uic k ly flip th ro ugh P asc ago ula 's m essa ges fo r m e--P ats y m y te nnis p artn er, C elia F oote , who m I h ard ly k no w . W hy w ould J o hnny F oote 's w if e b e c allin g m e? M in ny's m ad e m e s w ear I 'll never c all h er b ack , a nd I d on't h ave th e tim e to w ond er. I h ave to g et r e ad y fo r th e in te rv ie w s.

I S IT A T A IB IL EEN 'S K IT C HEN ta b le a t s ix o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht. W e'v e a rra nged fo r m e to c o m e over n early e very n ig ht u ntil w e'r e fin is h ed . E very tw o d ays, a d if fe re nt c o lo re d w om an w ill k no ck on A ib ile en's b ack d oor a nd s it a t th e ta b le w it h m e, te ll m e h er s to rie s. E le ven m aid s h ave a gre ed to ta lk to u s, n o t c o untin g A ib ile en a nd M in ny. T hat p uts u s a t th ir te en a nd M is su s S te in a sk ed fo r a doze n, s o I th in k w e'r e lu ck y. A ib ile en s ta nd s in th e b ack o f th e k it c hen, lis te nin g. T he fir s t m aid 's nam e is A lic e. I d on't a sk fo r la st n am es.

I e xp la in to A lic e th at th e p ro je ct is a c o lle ctio n o f tr u e s to rie s a b out m aid s a nd th eir e xp erie nces wait in g o n w hit e fa m ilie s. I h and h er a n e nvelo pe w it h fo rty d olla rs fr o m w hat I 'v e s a ved fr o m th e Mis s M yrn a c o lu m n, m y a llo w ance, m oney M oth er h as fo rc ed in to m y h and s fo r b eauty p arlo r ap poin tm ents I n ever w ent to .

"T here 's a g o od c hance it m ay n ever b e p ub lis h ed ," I te ll e ach in d iv id ually , " a nd e ven if it is , th ere w ill be v ery lit tle m oney fr o m it ." I lo ok d ow n th e fir s t tim e I s a y th is , a sh am ed , I d on't k no w w hy. B ein g whit e , I fe el it 's m y d uty to h elp th em .

"A ib ile en b een c le ar o n th at," s e vera l s a y. " T hat a in 't w hy I 'm d oin g th is ." I r e p eat b ack to th em w hat th ey'v e a lr e ad y d ecid ed a m ong th em se lv es. T hat th ey n eed to k eep th eir id entit ie s s e cre t fr o m a nyo ne o uts id e th e g ro up . T heir n am es w ill b e c hanged o n p ap er; s o w ill th e nam e o f th e to w n a nd th e fa m ilie s th ey'v e w ork ed fo r. I w is h I c o uld s lip in , a s th e la st q uestio n, " B y th e w ay, d id y o u k no w C onsta ntin e B ate s? " b ut I 'm p re tty s u re A ib ile en w ould te ll m e it 's a b ad id ea. T hey'r e s c are d e no ugh a s it is .

"N ow , E ula , s h e g o ne b e lik e p ry in g a d ead c la m o pen." A ib ile en p re p s m e b efo re e ach in te rv ie w .

She's a s a fr a id a s I a m th at I 'll s c are th em o ff b efo re it e ven s ta rts . " D on't g et fr u str a te d if s h e d on't sa y m uch." Eula , th e d ead c la m , s ta rts ta lk in g b efo re s h e's e ven s a t in th e c hair , b efo re I c an e xp la in a nyth in g, no t s to ppin g u ntil te n o 'c lo ck th at n ig ht.

"W hen I a sk ed fo r a r a is e th ey g ave it to m e. W hen I n eed ed a h o use , th ey b ought m e o ne. D octo r Tuck er c am e o ver to m y h o use h im se lf a nd p ic k ed a b ulle t o ut m y h usb and 's a rm b ecause h e w as afr a id H enry 'd c atc h s o m eth in g a t th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l. I h ave w ork ed fo r D octo r T uck er a nd M is s Sis sy fo r fo rty -fo ur y ears . T hey b een s o g o od to m e. I w ash h er h air e ver F rid ay. I n ever s e en th at wom an w ash h er o w n h air ." S he s to ps fo r th e fir s t tim e a ll n ig ht, lo oks lo neso m e a nd w orrie d . " If I die b efo re h er, I d on't k no w w hat M is s S is sy g o ne d o a b out g ettin g h er h air w ash ed ." I tr y n o t to s m ile to o e agerly . I d on't w ant to lo ok s u sp ic io us. A lic e, F anny A mos, a nd W in nie a re sh y, n eed c o axin g, k eep th eir e yes d ow n to th eir la p s. F lo ra L ou a nd C le o ntin e le t th e d oors fly open a nd th e w ord s tu m ble o ut w hile I ty p e a s fa st a s I c an, a sk in g th em e very fiv e m in ute s to ple ase , p le ase , s lo w d ow n. M any o f th e s to rie s a re s a d , b it te r. I e xp ecte d th is . B ut th ere a re a su rp ris in g n um ber o f g o od s to rie s to o. A nd a ll o f th em , a t s o m e p oin t, lo ok b ack a t A ib ile en a s if to ask , Are y o u s u re ? C an I r e a lly t e ll a w hit e w om an t h is ? "A ib ile en? W hat's g o ne h ap pen if ... th is th in g g et p rin te d a nd p eo ple fin d o ut w ho w e a re ?" s h y Win nie a sk s. " W hat y o u th in k th ey d o to u s? " Our e yes fo rm a tr ia ngle in th e k it c hen, o ne lo okin g a t th e o th er. I ta k e a d eep b re ath , r e ad y to assu re h er o f h o w c are fu l w e'r e b ein g.

"M y h usb and c o usin ... th ey to ok h er to ngue o ut. A w hile b ack it w as. F or ta lk in g to s o m e Wash in gto n p eo ple a b out th e K la n. Y ou th in k th ey g o ne ta k e o ur to ngues? F or ta lk in g to y o u?" I d on't k no w w hat to s a y.

To ngues . . . G od, th is h ad n't e xactly c ro sse d m y m in d . O nly ja il a nd perh ap s fa k e c harg es o r fin es. " I . . . w e'r e b ein g e xtr e m ely c are fu l, " I s a y b ut it c o m es o ut th in a nd unco nvin cin g. I lo ok a t A ib ile en, b ut s h e is lo okin g w orrie d to o.

"W e w on't k no w till th e tim e c o m es, W in nie ," A ib ile en s a ys s o ftly . " W on't b e lik e w hat y o u s e e o n th e n ew s, th o ugh. A w hit e la d y d o th in gs d if fe re nt th an a w hit e m an." I lo ok a t A ib ile en. S he's n ever s h are d w it h m e th e s p ecif ic s o f w hat s h e th in k s w ould h ap pen. I w ant to c hange th e s u b je ct. I t w on't d o u s a ny g o od to d is c uss it .

"N aw ." W in nie s h ak es h er h ead . " I r e ck on n o t. F act, a w hit e la d y m ig ht d o w ors e ." "W HER E A RE Y O U G O IN G?" M oth er c alls fr o m th e r e la xin g r o om . I h ave m y s a tc hel a nd th e tr u ck k eys. I k eep h ead in g fo r th e d oor.

"T o th e m ovie s," I c all.

"Y ou w ent to th e m ovie s la st n ig ht. C om e h ere , E ugenia ." I b ack tr a ck , s ta nd in th e d oorw ay. M oth er's u lc ers h ave b een a ctin g u p . A t s u p per s h e's b een e atin g no th in g b ut c hic k en b ro th , a nd I fe el b ad fo r h er. D ad dy w ent to b ed a n h o ur a go , b ut I c an't s ta y here w it h h er. " I'm s o rry , M oth er, I 'm la te . D o y o u w ant m e to b rin g y o u a nyth in g?" "W hat m ovie a nd w it h w ho m ? Y ou'v e b een o ut a lm ost e very n ig ht th is w eek ." "J u st . . . s o m e g ir ls . I 'll b e h o m e b y te n. A re y o u a lr ig ht? " "I'm fin e," s h e s ig hs. " G o o n, th en." I h ead to th e c ar, fe elin g g uilt y b ecause I 'm le avin g M oth er a lo ne w hen s h e's n o t fe elin g w ell. T hank God S tu art's in T exas b ecause I d oub t I c o uld lie to h im s o e asily . W hen h e c am e o ver th re e n ig hts ago , w e s a t o ut o n th e p orc h s w in g lis te nin g to th e c ric k ets . I w as s o tir e d fr o m w ork in g la te th e nig ht b efo re , I c o uld b are ly k eep m y e yes o pen, b ut I d id n't w ant h im to le ave. I la y w it h m y h ead in his la p . I r e ached u p a nd r u b bed m y h and a gain st th e b ris tle s o n h is fa ce. "W hen'r e y o u g o in g to le t m e r e ad s o m eth in g y o u'v e w rit te n?" h e a sk ed .

"Y ou c an r e ad th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n. I d id a g re at p ie ce o n m ild ew la st w eek ." He s m ile d , s h o ok h is h ead . " N o, I m ean I w ant to r e ad w hat y o u'r e th in kin g . I 'm p re tty s u re it 's n o t ab out h o use k eep in g." I w ond ere d th en, if h e k new I w as h id in g s o m eth in g fr o m h im . I t s c are d m e th at h e m ig ht fin d o ut ab out th e s to rie s, a nd th rille d m e th at h e w as e ven in te re ste d .

"W hen y o u'r e r e ad y. I w on't p ush y o u," h e s a id .

"M ayb e s o m etim e I 'll le t y o u," I s a id , fe elin g m y e yes c lo se .

"G o to s le ep , b ab y," h e s a id , s tr o kin g m y h air b ack fr o m m y fa ce. " L et m e ju st s it h ere w it h y o u fo r a while ." Wit h S tu art o ut o f to w n fo r th e n ext s ix d ays, I c an c o ncentr a te s o le ly o n th e in te rv ie w s. I h ead to Aib ile en's e very n ig ht a s n erv o us a s th e fir s t tim e. T he w om en a re ta ll, s h o rt, b la ck lik e a sp halt o r cara m el b ro w n. I f y o ur s k in is to o w hit e , I 'm to ld , y o u'll n ever g et h ir e d . T he b la ck er th e b ette r. T he ta lk tu rn s m und ane a t tim es, w it h c o m pla in ts o f lo w p ay, h ard h o urs , b ra tty c hild re n. B ut th en th ere are s to rie s o f w hit e b ab ie s d yin g in a rm s. T hat s o ft, e m pty lo ok in th eir s till b lu e e yes.

"O liv ia s h e w as c alle d . J u st a tin y b ab y, w it h h er tin y h and h o ld in g o n to m y fin ger, b re ath in g s o hard ," F anny A mos s a ys, o ur fo urth in te rv ie w . " H er m am a w asn 't e ven h o m e, g o ne to th e s to re fo r menth o la tu m . I t w as ju st m e a nd th e d ad dy. H e w ould n't le t m e p ut h er d ow n, to ld m e to h o ld h er till th e d octo r g et th ere . B ab y g re w c o ld in m y a rm s." There is u nd is g uis e d h ate fo r w hit e w om en, th ere is in exp lic ab le lo ve. F aye B elle , p als ie d a nd g ra y- sk in ned , c anno t r e m em ber h er o w n a ge. H er s to rie s u nfo ld lik e s o ft lin en. S he r e m em bers h id in g in a ste am er tr u nk w it h a lit tle w hit e g ir l w hile Y ank ee s o ld ie rs s to m ped th ro ugh th e h o use . T w enty y ears ago , s h e h eld th at s a m e w hit e g ir l, b y th en a n o ld w om an, in h er a rm s w hile s h e d ie d . E ach pro cla im ed th eir lo ve a s b est fr ie nd s. S w ore th at d eath c o uld n o t c hange th is . T hat c o lo r m eant no th in g. T he w hit e w om an's g ra nd so n s till p ays F aye B elle 's r e nt. W hen s h e's fe elin g s tr o ng, F aye Belle s o m etim es g o es o ver a nd c le ans u p h is k it c hen.

Louvenia is m y fif th in te rv ie w . S he is L ou A nne T em ple to n's m aid a nd I r e co gniz e h er fr o m s e rv in g me a t b rid ge c lu b . L ouvenia te lls m e h o w h er g ra nd so n, R obert, w as b lin d ed e arlie r th is y ear b y a whit e m an, b ecause h e u se d a w hit e b ath ro om . I r e call r e ad in g a b out it in th e p ap er a s L ouvenia no ds, w ait s fo r m e to c atc h u p o n m y ty p ew rit e r. T here is n o a nger in h er v o ic e a t a ll. I le arn th at Lou A nne, w ho m I fin d d ull a nd v ap id a nd h ave n ever p aid m uch m in d to , g ave L ouvenia tw o week s o ff w it h p ay s o s h e c o uld h elp h er g ra nd so n. S he b ro ught c asse ro le s to L ouvenia 's h o use se ven tim es d urin g th o se w eek s. S he r u sh ed L ouvenia to th e c o lo re d h o sp it a l w hen th e fir s t c all cam e a b out R obert a nd w ait e d th ere s ix h o urs w it h h er, u ntil th e o pera tio n w as o ver. L ou A nne h as never m entio ned th is to a ny o f u s. A nd I u nd ers ta nd c o m ple te ly w hy s h e w ould n't .

Angry s to rie s c o m e o ut, o f w hit e m en w ho 'v e tr ie d to to uch th em . W in nie s a id s h e w as fo rc ed o ver and o ver. C le o ntin e s a id s h e fo ught u ntil h is fa ce b le d a nd h e n ever tr ie d a gain . B ut th e d ic ho to m y o f lo ve a nd d is d ain liv in g s id e-b y-sid e is w hat s u rp ris e s m e. M ost a re in vit e d to a tte nd th e w hit e child re n's w ed din gs, b ut o nly if th ey'r e in th eir u nif o rm s. T hese th in gs I k no w a lr e ad y, y et h earin g th em fr o m c o lo re d m outh s, it is a s if I a m h earin g th em fo r th e fir s t tim e.

WE C AN NOT T alk fo r s e vera l m in ute s a fte r G re tc hen's le ft.

"L et's ju st m ove o n," A ib ile en s a ys. " W e d on't g o t to ... c o unt th at o ne." Gre tc hen is Y ule M ay's fir s t c o usin . S he a tte nd ed th e p ra yer m eetin g fo r Y ule M ay th at A ib ile en ho ste d w eek s a go , b ut s h e b elo ngs to a d if fe re nt c hurc h.

"I d on't u nd ers ta nd w hy s h e a gre ed if . . ." I w ant to g o h o m e. T he te nd ons in m y n eck h ave lo ck ed tig ht. M y fin gers a re tr e m blin g fr o m ty p in g a nd fr o m lis te nin g to G re tc hen's w ord s.

"I'm s o rry , I h ad n o id ea s h e g o ne d o th at." "It's n o t y o ur fa ult ," I s a y. I w ant to a sk h er h o w m uch o f w hat G re tc hen s a id is tr u e. B ut I c an't . I can't lo ok A ib ile en in th e fa ce.

I'd e xp la in ed th e " ru le s" to G re tc hen, ju st lik e w it h th e o th ers . G re tc hen h ad le aned b ack in h er c hair .

I th o ught s h e w as th in k in g a b out a s to ry to te ll. B ut s h e s a id , " L ook a t y o u. A no th er w hit e la d y tr y in g to m ak e a d olla r o ff o f c o lo re d p eo ple ." I g la nced b ack a t A ib ile en, n o t s u re h o w to r e sp ond to th is . W as I n o t c le ar o n th e m oney p art?

Aib ile en tilt e d h er h ead lik e s h e w asn 't s u re s h e'd h eard c o rre ctly .

"Y ou th in k a nyb ody's e ver g o in g to r e ad th is th in g?" G re tc hen la ughed . S he w as tr im in h er u nif o rm dre ss. S he w ore lip stic k , th e s a m e c o lo r p in k m e a nd m y fr ie nd s w ore . S he w as y o ung. S he s p oke evenly a nd w it h c are , lik e a w hit e p ers o n. I d on't k no w w hy, b ut th at m ad e it w ors e .

"A ll th e c o lo re d w om en y o u'v e in te rv ie w ed , th ey'v e b een r e al n ic e, h aven't th ey?" "Y es," I 'd s a id . " V ery n ic e." Gre tc hen lo oked m e s tr a ig ht in th e e ye. " T hey h ate y o u. Y ou k no w th at, r ig ht? E very lit tle th in g ab out y o u. B ut y o u'r e s o d um b, y o u th in k y o u'r e d oin g th em a fa vo r." "Y ou d on't h ave to d o th is ," I s a id . " Y ou v o lu nte ere d --" "Y ou k no w th e n ic est th in g a w hit e w om an's e ver d one fo r m e? G iv en m e th e h eel o n h er b re ad . T he co lo re d w om en c o m in g in h ere , th ey'r e ju st p la yin g a b ig tr ic k o n y o u. T hey'll n ever te ll y o u th e tr u th , la d y." "Y ou d on't h ave a ny id ea w hat th e o th er w om en h ave to ld m e," I s a id . I w as s u rp ris e d b y h o w d ense my a nger fe lt , a nd h o w e asily it s p ra ng u p .

"S ay it , la d y, s a y th e w ord y o u th in k e very tim e o ne o f u s c o m es in th e d oor.

Nig ger.

" Aib ile en s to od u p fr o m h er s to ol. " T hat's e no ugh, G re tc hen. Y ou g o o n h o m e." "A nd y o u k no w w hat, A ib ile en? Y ou a re ju st a s d um b a s s h e is ," G re tc hen s a id .

I w as s h o ck ed w hen A ib ile en p oin te d to th e d oor a nd h is se d , " Yo u g et o ut a m y h ouse .

" Gre tc hen le ft, b ut th ro ugh th e s c re en d oor, s h e s la p ped m e w it h a lo ok s o a ngry it g ave m e c hills .

TW O N IG HTS L ATER , I s it a cro ss fr o m C allie . S he h as c urly h air , m ostly g ra y. S he is s ix ty -se ven years o ld a nd s till in h er u nif o rm . S he is w id e a nd h eavy a nd p arts o f h er h ang o ver th e c hair . I 'm s till nerv o us fr o m th e in te rv ie w w it h G re tc hen.

I w ait fo r C allie to s tir h er te a. T here 's a g ro cery s a ck in th e c o rn er o f A ib ile en's k it c hen. I t's fu ll o f clo th es, a nd a p air o f w hit e p ants h angs o ver th e to p. A ib ile en's h o use is a lw ays s o n eat. I d on't kno w w hy s h e n ever d oes a nyth in g w it h th at s a ck .

Callie b egin s ta lk in g s lo w ly a nd I s ta rt to ty p e, g ra te fu l o f h er s lo w p ace. S he s ta re s o ff a s if s h e c an se e a m ovie s c re en b ehin d m e, p la yin g th e s c enes s h e's d esc rib in g.

"I w ork ed fo r M is s M arg are t th ir ty -e ig ht y ears . S he h ad h er a b ab y g ir l w it h th e c o lic a nd th e o nly th in g th at s to pped th e h urtin g w as to h o ld h er. S o I m ad e m e a w ra p . I tie d h er u p o n m y w ais t, to te d h er a ro und a ll d ay w it h m e fo r a e ntir e y ear. T hat b ab y lik e to b re ak m y b ack . P ut ic e p ack s on it e ver n ig ht a nd s till d o. B ut I lo ved th at g ir l. A nd I lo ved M is s M arg are t." She ta k es a s ip o f h er te a w hile I ty p e h er la st w ord s. I lo ok u p a nd s h e c o ntin ues.

"M is s M arg are t a lw ays m ad e m e p ut m y h air u p in a r a g, s a y s h e k no w c o lo re d s d on't w ash th eir hair . C ounte d e ver p ie ce a s ilv er a fte r I d one th e p olis h in g. W hen M is s M arg are t d ie o f th e la d y pro ble m s th ir ty y ears la te r, I g o to th e fu nera l. H er h usb and h ug m e, c ry o n m y s h o uld er. W hen it 's over, h e g iv e m e a e nvelo pe. I n sid e a le tte r fr o m M is s M arg are t r e ad in g, 'T hank y o u. F or m ak in g my b ab y s to p h urtin g. I n ever fo rg o t it .'" Callie ta k es o ff h er b la ck -rim med g la sse s, w ip es h er e yes.

"If a ny w hit e la d y r e ad s m y s to ry , th at's w hat I w ant th em to k no w . S ayin g th ank y o u, w hen y o u re ally m ean it , w hen y o u r e m em ber w hat s o m eo ne d one fo r y o u"- -sh e s h ak es h er h ead , s ta re s d ow n at th e s c ra tc hed ta b le --"it 's s o g o od." Callie lo oks u p a t m e, b ut I c an't m eet h er e yes. "I ju st n eed a m in ute ," I s a y. I p re ss m y h and o n m y fo re head . I c an't h elp b ut th in k a b out Consta ntin e. I n ever th ank ed h er, n o t p ro perly . I t n ever o ccurre d to m e I w ould n't h ave th e c hance.

"Y ou fe el o kay, M is s S keete r? " A ib ile en a sk s.

"I'm . . . fin e," I s a y. " L et's k eep g o in g." Callie g o es o n to h er n ext s to ry . T he y ello w D r. S cho ll's s h o eb ox is o n th e c o unte r b ehin d h er, s till fu ll o f e nvelo pes. E xcep t fo r G re tc hen, a ll te n w om en h ave a sk ed th at th e m oney g o to w ard Y ule May's b oys' e d ucatio n.

ch ap te r 2 0 T H E P H ELA N F A M IL Y s ta nd s te nse , w ait in g o n th e b ric k s te p s o f S ta te S enato r W hit w orth 's h o use . T he h o use is in th e c ente r o f to w n, o n N orth S tr e et. I t is ta ll a nd w hit e -c o lu m ned , a p pro pria te ly a za le a-e d . A g o ld p la q ue d ecla re s it a h is to ric al la nd m ark . G as la nte rn s flic k er d esp it e t h e h o t s ix o 'c lo ck s u n.

" M oth er," I w his p er b ecause I c anno t r e p eat it e no ugh tim es. " P le ase , p le ase d on't fo rg et th e th in g w e ta lk ed a b out." " I s a id I w ould n't m entio n it , d arlin g." S he to uches th e p in s h o ld in g u p h er h air . " U nle ss it 's a p pro pria te ." I h ave o n th e n ew lig ht b lu e L ad y D ay s k ir t a nd m atc hin g ja ck et. D ad dy h as o n h is b la ck fu nera l s u it . H is b elt is c in ched to o tig ht to b e c o m fo rta b le m uch le ss fa sh io nab le . M oth er is w earin g a s im ple w hit e d re ss--lik e a c o untr y b rid e w earin g a h and -m e-d ow n, I s u d denly th in k , a nd I fe el a r u sh o f p anic th at w e h ave o verd re sse d , a ll o f u s. M oth er's g o in g to b rin g u p th e u gly g ir l's tr u st fu nd a nd w e lo ok lik e c o untr y fo lk o n a b ig d am n v is it to to w n.

" D ad dy, lo ose n y o ur b elt , it 's h it c hin g y o ur p ants u p ." H e fr o w ns a t m e a nd lo oks d ow n a t h is p ants . N ever o nce h ave I to ld m y d ad dy w hat to d o. T he d oor o pens.

" G ood e venin g." A c o lo re d w om an in a w hit e u nif o rm n o ds to u s. " T hey e xp ectin g y 'a ll. " W e s te p in to th e fo yer a nd th e fir s t th in g I s e e is th e c hand elie r, s p ark lin g, g auzy w it h lig ht. M y e yes r is e u p th e h o llo w tw ir l o f th e s ta ir c ase a nd it is a s if w e a re in sid e a g ig antic s e ash ell.

" W hy, h ello th ere ." I lo ok d ow n fr o m m y lo lly gaggin g. M is su s W hit w orth is c lic k in g in to th e fo yer, h and s e xte nd ed . S he h as o n a s u it lik e m in e, th ank fu lly , b ut in c rim so n. W hen s h e n o ds, h er g ra yin g-b lo nd h air d oes n o t m ove.

" H ello , M is su s W hit w orth , I a m C harlo tte B oud re au C antr e lle P hela n. W e th ank y o u s o m uch fo r h avin g u s." " D elig hte d ," s h e s a ys a nd s h ak es b oth m y p are nts ' h and s. " I'm F ra ncin e W hit w orth . W elc o m e to o ur h o m e." S he tu rn s to m e. " A nd y o u m ust b e E ugenia . W ell. I t is s o n ic e to fin ally m eet y o u." M is su s W hit w orth g ra sp s m y a rm s a nd lo oks m e in th e e yes. H ers a re b lu e, b eautif u l, lik e c o ld w ate r. H er f a ce is p la in a ro und th em . S he is a lm ost m y h eig ht in h er p eau d e s o ie h eels .

" S o n ic e to m eet y o u," I s a y. " S tu art's to ld m e s o m uch a b out y o u a nd S enato r W hit w orth ." S he s m ile s a nd s lid es h er h and d ow n m y a rm . I g asp a s a p ro ng o f h er r in g s c ra tc hes m y s k in .

"T here s h e is !" B ehin d M is su s W hit w orth , a ta ll, b ull- c heste d m an lu m bers to w ard m e. H e h ugs m e hard to h im , th en ju st a s q uic k ly flin gs m e b ack . " N ow I to ld L it tle S tu a m onth a go to g et th is g al u p to th e h o use . B ut fr a nk ly ," h e lo w ers h is v o ic e, " h e's s till a lit tle g un-sh y a fte r th at o th er o ne." I s ta nd th ere b lin k in g. " V ery n ic e to m eet y o u, s ir ." The S enato r la ughs lo ud ly . " Y ou k no w I 'm ju st te asin g y o u," h e s a ys, g iv es m e a no th er d ra stic h ug, cla p pin g m e o n th e b ack . I s m ile , tr y to c atc h m y b re ath . R em in d m yse lf h e is a m an w it h a ll s o ns.

He tu rn s to M oth er, s o le m nly b ow s a nd e xte nd s h is h and .

"H ello , S enato r W hit w orth ," M oth er s a ys. " I'm C harlo tte ." "V ery n ic e to m eet y o u, C harlo tte . A nd y o u c all m e S to ole y. A ll m y fr ie nd s d o." "S enato r," D ad dy s a ys a nd p um ps h is h and h ard . " W e th ank y o u fo r a ll y o u d id o n th at fa rm b ill.

Mad e a h eck o f a d if fe re nce." "S hee-o ot. T hat B illu p s tr ie d to w ip e h is s h o es o n it a nd I to ld h im , I s a id , C hic o , if M is sis sip pi d on't have c o tto n, h ell, M is sis sip pi d on't h ave noth in g ." He s la p s D ad dy o n th e s h o uld er a nd I n o tic e h o w s m all m y fa th er lo oks n ext to h im .

"Y 'a ll c o m e o n in ," th e S enato r s a ys. " I c an't ta lk p olit ic s w it h o ut a d rin k in m y h and ." The S enato r p ound s h is w ay o ut o f th e fo yer. D ad dy fo llo w s a nd I c rin ge a t th e fin e lin e o f m ud o n th e b ack o f h is s h o e. O ne m ore s w ip e o f th e r a g w ould 'v e g o tte n it , b ut D ad dy's n o t u se d to w earin g go od lo afe rs o n a S atu rd ay.

Moth er fo llo w s h im o ut a nd I g iv e o ne la st g la nce u p a t th e s p ark lin g c hand elie r. A s I tu rn , I c atc h th e m aid s ta rin g a t m e fr o m th e d oor. I s m ile a t h er a nd s h e n o ds. T hen s h e n o ds a gain , a nd d ro ps her e yes to th e flo or.

Oh.

M y n erv o usn ess r is e s lik e a tr ill in m y th ro at a s I r e aliz e , sh e k now s.

I s ta nd , fr o ze n b y h o w dup lic it o us m y lif e h as b eco m e. S he c o uld s h o w u p a t A ib ile en's , s ta rt te llin g m e a ll a b out s e rv in g th e Senato r a nd h is w if e .

"S tu art's s till d riv in g o ver fr o m S hre vep ort," th e S enato r h o lle rs . " G ot a b ig d eal b re w in g o ver th ere , I h ear." I tr y n o t to th in k a b out th e m aid a nd ta k e a d eep b re ath . I s m ile lik e th is is fin e, ju st fin e. L ik e I 'v e met s o m any b oyfr ie nd s' p are nts b efo re .

We m ove in to a fo rm al liv in g r o om w it h o rn ate m old in g a nd g re en v elv et s e tte es, s o fu ll o f h eavy fu rn it u re I c an h ard ly s e e th e flo or.

"W hat c an I g et y 'a ll to d rin k ?" M is te r W hit w orth g rin s lik e h e's o ffe rin g c hild re n c and y. H e h as a heavy, b ro ad fo re head a nd th e s h o uld ers o f a n a gin g lin eb ack er. H is e yeb ro w s a re th ic k a nd w ir y .

They w ig gle w hen h e ta lk s. Dad dy a sk s fo r a c up o f c o ffe e, M oth er a nd I fo r ic ed te a. T he S enato r's g rin d efla te s a nd h e lo oks back a t th e m aid to c o lle ct th ese m und ane d rin k s. I n th e c o rn er, h e p ours h im se lf a nd h is w if e so m eth in g b ro w n. T he v elv et s o fa g ro ans w hen h e s it s .

"Y our h o m e is ju st lo vely . I h ear it 's th e c ente rp ie ce o f th e to ur," M oth er s a ys. T his is w hat M oth er's been d yin g to s a y s in ce s h e fo und o ut a b out th is d in ner. M oth er's b een o n th e d in k y R id gela nd County H is to ric H om e C ouncil fo re ver, b ut r e fe rs to J a ck so n's h o m e to ur a s " h ig h c o tto n" c o m pare d to th eir s . " N ow , d o y 'a ll d o a ny k in d o f d re ss-u p o r s ta gin g fo r th e to urs ? " Senato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth g la nce a t e ach o th er. T hen M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s. " W e to ok it o ff th e to ur th is y ear. I t w as ju st . . . to o m uch." "O ff ? B ut it 's o ne o f th e m ost im porta nt h o use s in J a ck so n. W hy, I h eard S herm an s a id th e h o use was to o p re tty to b urn ." Mis su s W hit w orth ju st n o ds, s n if fs . S he is te n y ears y o unger th an m y m oth er b ut lo oks o ld er, esp ecia lly n o w a s h er fa ce tu rn s lo ng a nd p ru d is h .

"S ure ly y o u m ust fe el s o m e o blig atio n, fo r th e s a k e o f h is to ry . . ." M oth er s a ys, a nd I s h o ot h er a lo ok to le t it g o .

No o ne s a ys a nyth in g fo r a s e co nd a nd th en th e S enato r la ughs lo ud ly . " T here w as k in d o f a m ix - up ," h e b oom s. " P atr ic ia v an D evend er's m oth er is h ead o f th e c o uncil s o a fte r a ll th at . . . r u ck -a - muck w it h th e k id s, w e d ecid ed w e'd ju st a s s o on g et o ff th e to ur." I g la nce a t th e d oor, p ra yin g S tu art w ill g et h ere s o on. T his is th e s e co nd tim e sh e h as c o m e u p .

Mis su s W hit w orth g iv es th e S enato r a d eafe nin g lo ok.

"W ell, w hat a re w e g o nna d o, F ra ncin e? J u st n ever ta lk a b out h er a gain ? W e h ad th e d am n g aze b o built in th e b ack yard fo r th e w ed din g." Mis su s W hit w orth ta k es a d eep b re ath a nd I a m r e m in d ed o f w hat S tu art s a id to m e, th at th e Senato r o nly k no w s p art o f it , b ut h is m oth er, s h e k no w s a ll. A nd w hat s h e k no w s m ust b e m uch wors e th an ju st " ru ck -a -m uck ." "E ugenia "- -M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s--"I u nd ers ta nd y o u a im to b e a w rit e r. W hat k in d s o f th in gs d o yo u lik e to w rit e ?" I p ut m y s m ile b ack o n. F ro m o ne g o od s u b je ct to th e n ext. " I w rit e th e M is s M yrn a c o lu m n in th e Ja ck so n J o urn al.

I t c o m es o ut e very M ond ay." "O h, I th in k B essie r e ad s th at, d oesn 't s h e, S to ole y? I 'll h ave to a sk h er w hen I g o in th e k it c hen." "W ell, if s h e d oesn 't , s h e s u re a s h ell w ill n o w ." T he S enato r la ughs.

"S tu art s a id y o u w ere tr y in g to g et in to m ore s e rio us s u b je cts . A nyth in g p artic ula r? " Now e very o ne is lo okin g a t m e, in clu d in g th e m aid , a d if fe re nt o ne fr o m th e d oor, a s s h e h and s m e a gla ss o f te a. I d on't lo ok a t h er fa ce, te rrif ie d o f w hat I 'll s e e th ere . " I'm w ork in g o n a . . . a fe w --" "E ugenia is w rit in g a b out th e lif e o f J e su s C hris t," M oth er p ops in a nd I r e call m y m ost r e cent lie to co ver m y n ig hts o ut, c allin g it " re se arc h." "W ell, " M is su s W hit w orth n o ds, lo oks im pre sse d b y th is , " th at's c erta in ly a n h o no ra b le s u b je ct." I tr y to s m ile , d is g uste d b y m y o w n v o ic e. " A nd s u ch a n... im porta nt o ne." I g la nce a t M oth er. S he's beam in g.

The fr o nt d oor s la m s, s e nd in g a ll th e g la ss la m ps in to a fu rio us tin k le .

"S orry I 'm s o la te ." S tu art s tr id es in , w rin k le d fr o m th e c ar, p ullin g o n h is n avy s p orts c o at. W e a ll sta nd u p a nd h is m oth er h o ld s o ut h er a rm s to h im b ut h e h ead s s tr a ig ht fo r m e. H e p uts h is h and s o n my s h o uld ers a nd k is se s m y c heek . " S orry ," h e w his p ers a nd I b re ath e o ut, fin ally r e la x h alf a n in ch.

I tu rn a nd s e e h is m oth er s m ilin g lik e I ju st s n atc hed h er b est g uest to w el a nd w ip ed m y d ir ty h and s all o ver it .

"G et y o urs e lf a d rin k , s o n, s it d ow n," th e S enato r s a ys. W hen S tu art h as h is d rin k , h e s e ttle s n ext to me o n th e s o fa , s q ueeze s m y h and a nd d oesn 't le t g o .

Mis su s W hit w orth g iv es o ne g la nce a t o ur h and -h o ld in g a nd s a ys, " C harlo tte , w hy d on't I g iv e y o u and E ugenia a to ur o f th e h o use ?" For th e n ext fif te en m in ute s, I fo llo w M oth er a nd M is su s W hit w orth fr o m o ne o ste nta tio us r o om to th e n ext. M oth er g asp s o ver a g enuin e Y ank ee b ulle th o le in th e fr o nt p arlo r, th e b ulle t s till lo dged in th e w ood. T here a re le tte rs fr o m C onfe d era te s o ld ie rs ly in g o n a F ed era l d esk , s tr a te gic ally p la ced antiq ue s p ecta cle s a nd h and kerc hie fs . T he h o use is a s h rin e to th e W ar B etw een th e S ta te s a nd I wond er w hat it m ust'v e b een lik e fo r S tu art, g ro w in g u p in a h o m e w here y o u c an't to uch a nyth in g.

On th e th ir d flo or, M oth er g aggle s o ver a c ano py b ed w here R obert E . L ee s le p t. W hen w e fin ally co m e d ow n a " s e cre t" s ta ir c ase , I lin ger o ver fa m ily p ic tu re s in th e h allw ay. I s e e S tu art a nd h is tw o bro th ers a s b ab ie s, S tu art h o ld in g a r e d b all. S tu art in a c hris te nin g g o w n, h eld b y a c o lo re d w om an in w hit e u nif o rm .

Moth er a nd M is su s W hit w orth m ove d ow n th e h all, b ut I k eep lo okin g, fo r th ere is s o m eth in g s o deep ly d ear in S tu art's fa ce a s a y o ung b oy. H is c heek s w ere fa t a nd h is m oth er's b lu e e yes s h o ne th e s a m e a s th ey d o n o w . H is h air w as th e w hit is h -y ello w o f a d and elio n. A t n in e o r te n, h e s ta nd s wit h a h untin g r if le a nd a d uck . A t fif te en, n ext to a s la in d eer. A lr e ad y h e is g o od-lo okin g, r u gged . I pra y to G od h e n ever s e es m y te enage p ic tu re s.

I w alk a fe w s te p s a nd s e e h ig h s c ho ol g ra d uatio n, S tu art p ro ud in a m ilit a ry s c ho ol u nif o rm . I n th e cente r o f th e w all, th ere is a n e m pty s p ace w it h o ut a fr a m e, a r e cta ngle o f w allp ap er ju st th e s lig hte st sh ad e d ark er. A p ic tu re h as b een r e m oved .

"D ad , th at is e no ugh a b out- -" I h ear S tu art s a y, h is v o ic e s tr a in ed . B ut ju st a s q uic k ly , th ere is sile nce.

"D in ner is s e rv ed ," I h ear a m aid a nno unce a nd I w eave m y w ay b ack in to th e liv in g r o om . W e a ll tr a il in to th e d in in g r o om to a lo ng, d ark ta b le . T he P hela ns a re s e ate d o n o ne s id e, th e W hit w orth s on th e o th er. I a m d ia go nal fr o m S tu art, p la ced a s fa r a s p ossib le fr o m h im . A ro und th e r o om , th e wain sc o tin g p anels h ave b een p ain te d to d ep ic t s c enes o f p re -C iv il W ar tim es, h ap py N egro es pic k in g c o tto n, h o rs e s p ullin g w ago ns, w hit e -b eard ed s ta te sm en o n th e s te p s o f o ur c ap it o l. W e w ait while th e S enato r lin gers in th e liv in g r o om . " I'll b e r ig ht th ere , y 'a ll g o a head a nd s ta rt." I h ear th e clin k o f ic e, th e c lo p o f th e b ottle b ein g s e t d ow n tw o m ore tim es b efo re h e fin ally c o m es in a nd s it s at th e h ead o f th e ta b le .

Wald orf s a la d s a re s e rv ed . S tu art lo oks o ver a t m e a nd s m ile s e very fe w m in ute s. S enato r Whit w orth le ans o ver to D ad dy a nd s a ys, " I c am e fr o m n o th in g, y o u k no w . J e ffe rs o n C ounty , Mis sis sip pi. M y d ad dy d rie d p eanuts fo r e le ven c ents a p ound ." Dad dy s h ak es h is h ead . " D oesn 't g et m uch p oore r th an J e ffe rs o n C ounty ." I w atc h a s M oth er c uts o ff th e tin ie st b it e o f a p ple . S he h esit a te s, c hew s it fo r th e lo ngest tim e, win ces a s it g o es d ow n. S he w ould n't a llo w m e to te ll S tu art's p are nts a b out h er s to m ach p ro ble m .

In ste ad , M oth er r a vis h es M is su s W hit w orth w it h d egusta tio nary c o m plim ents . M oth er v ie w s th is su p per a s a n im porta nt m ove in th e g am e c alle d " C an M y D aughte r C atc h Y our S on?" "T he yo ung p eo ple s o e njo y e ach o th er's c o m pany." M oth er s m ile s. " W hy, S tu art c o m es o ut to s e e us a t th e h o use n early tw ic e a w eek ." "Is th at r ig ht? " s a ys M is su s W hit w orth .

"W e'd b e d elig hte d if y o u a nd th e S enato r c o uld d riv e o ut to th e p la nta tio n fo r s u p per s o m etim e, ta k e a w alk a ro und th e o rc hard ?" I lo ok a t M oth er.

Pla nta tio n is a n o utd ate d te rm s h e lik es to u se to g lo ss u p th e fa rm , w hile th e "o rc hard " is a b arre n a p ple tr e e. A p ear tr e e w it h a w orm p ro ble m .

But M is su s W hit w orth h as s tif fe ned a ro und th e m outh . " T w ic e a w eek ? S tu art, I h ad n o id ea y o u cam e to to w n th at o fte n." Stu art's fo rk s to ps in m id air . H e c asts a s h eep is h lo ok a t h is m oth er.

"Y 'a ll a re s o y o ung." M is su s W hit w orth s m ile s. " E njo y y o urs e lv es. T here 's n o n eed to g et s e rio us s o quic k ly ." The S enato r le ans h is e lb ow s o n th e ta b le . " F ro m a w om an w ho p ra ctic ally p ro pose d to th e o th er one h ers e lf , s h e w as in s u ch a h urry ." " Dad ," S tu art s a ys th ro ugh g rit te d te eth , b angin g h is fo rk a gain st h is p la te .

The ta b le is s ile nt, e xcep t fo r M oth er's th o ro ugh, m eth o dic al c hew in g to tr y to tu rn s o lid fo od in to paste . I to uch th e s c ra tc h, s till p in k a lo ng m y a rm .

The m aid la ys p re sse d c hic k en o n o ur p la te s, to ps it w it h a p erk y d ollo p o f m ayo nnais e y d re ssin g, and w e a ll s m ile , g la d fo r th e m ood b re ak er. A s w e e at, D ad dy a nd th e S enato r ta lk a b out c o tto n pric es, b oll w eevils . I c an s till s e e th e a nger o n S tu art's fa ce fr o m w hen th e S enato r m entio ned Patr ic ia . I g la nce a t h im e very fe w s e co nd s, b ut th e a nger d oesn 't s e em to b e fa d in g. I w ond er if th at's w hat th ey'd a rg ued a b out e arlie r, w hen I w as in th e h all.

The S enato r le ans b ack in h is c hair . " D id y o u s e e th at p ie ce th ey d id in Lif e m agazin e? O ne b efo re Med gar E vers , a b out w hat's -'is -n am e--C arl . . . R oberts ? " I lo ok u p , s u rp ris e d to fin d th e S enato r is a im in g th is q uestio n a t m e. I b lin k , c o nfu se d , h o pin g it 's because o f m y jo b a t th e n ew sp ap er. " It w as . . . h e w as ly nched . F or s a yin g th e g o vern o r w as . . ." I s to p, n o t b ecause I 'v e fo rg o tte n th e w ord s, b ut b ecause I r e m em ber th em .

"P ath etic ," th e S enato r s a ys, n o w tu rn in g to m y fa th er.

"W it h t h e m ora ls o f a s tre etw alk er.

" I e xhale , r e lie ved th e a tte ntio n is o ff m e. I lo ok a t S tu art to g auge h is r e actio n to th is . I 'v e n ever ask ed h im h is p osit io n o n c iv il r ig hts . B ut I d on't th in k h e's e ven lis te nin g to th e c o nvers a tio n. T he anger a ro und h is m outh h as tu rn ed fla t a nd c o ld .

My fa th er c le ars h is th ro at. " I'll b e h o nest," h e s a ys s lo w ly . " It m ak es m e s ic k to h ear a b out th at k in d of b ru ta lit y ." D ad dy s e ts h is fo rk d ow n s ile ntly . H e lo oks S enato r W hit w orth in th e e ye. " I'v e g o t tw enty -fiv e N egro es w ork in g m y fie ld s a nd if a nyo ne s o m uch a s la id a h and o n th em , o r a ny o f th eir fa m ilie s . . ." D ad dy's g aze is s te ad y. T hen h e d ro ps h is e yes. " I'm a sh am ed , s o m etim es, S enato r.

Ash am ed o f w hat g o es o n in M is sis sip pi. " Moth er's e yes a re b ig , s e t o n D ad dy. I a m s h o ck ed to h ear th is o pin io n. E ven m ore s h o ck ed th at he'd v o ic e it a t th is ta b le to a p olit ic ia n. A t h o m e, n ew sp ap ers a re fo ld ed s o th e p ic tu re s fa ce d ow n, te le vis io n c hannels a re tu rn ed w hen th e s u b je ct o f r a ce c o m es u p . I 'm s u d denly s o p ro ud o f m y dad dy, fo r m any r e aso ns. F or a s e co nd , I s w ear, I s e e it in M oth er's e yes to o, b eneath h er w orry th at F ath er h as o blit e ra te d m y fu tu re . I lo ok a t S tu art a nd h is fa ce r e gis te rs c o ncern , b ut in w hic h way, I d o n o t k no w .

The S enato r h as h is e yes n arro w ed o n D ad dy.

"I'll te ll y o u s o m eth in g, C arlt o n," th e S enato r s a ys. H e jig gle s th e ic e a ro und in h is g la ss. " B essie , brin g m e a no th er d rin k , w ould y o u p le ase ." H e h and s h is g la ss to th e m aid . S he q uic k ly r e tu rn s w it h a fu ll o ne.

"T ho se w ere n o t w is e w ord s to s a y a b out o ur g o vern o r," th e S enato r s a ys.

"I a gre e o ne h und re d p erc ent," D ad dy s a ys.

"B ut th e q uestio n I 'v e b een a sk in g m yse lf la te ly is , a re th ey tr u e?" "Sto ole y," M is su s W hit w orth h is se s. B ut th en ju st a s q uic k ly s h e s m ile s, s tr a ig hte ns. " N ow , Sto ole y," s h e s a ys lik e s h e's ta lk in g to a c hild , " o ur g uests h ere d on't w ant to g et in to a ll y o ur polit ic k in g d urin g--" "F ra ncin e, le t m e s p eak m y m in d . G od k no w s I c an't d o it fr o m n in e to fiv e, s o le t m e s p eak m y min d in m y o w n h o m e." Mis su s W hit w orth 's s m ile d oes n o t w aver, b ut th e s lig hte st b it o f p in k r is e s in h er c heek s. S he stu d ie s th e w hit e F lo ra d ora r o se s in th e c ente r o f th e ta b le . S tu art s ta re s a t h is p la te w it h th e s a m e co ld a nger a s b efo re . H e h asn 't lo oked a t m e s in ce th e c hic k en c o urs e . E very o ne is q uie t a nd th en so m eo ne c hanges th e s u b je ct to th e w eath er.

WHEN S U PPER is F IN ALLY O VER , w e'r e a sk ed to r e tir e o ut o n th e b ack p orc h fo r a fte r- d in ner drin k s a nd c o ffe e. S tu art a nd I lin ger in th e h allw ay. I to uch h is a rm , b ut h e p ulls a w ay.

"I k new h e'd g et d ru nk a nd s ta rt in o n e very th in g." "S tu art, it 's fin e," I s a y b ecause I th in k h e's ta lk in g a b out h is fa th er's p olit ic s. " W e'r e a ll h avin g a g o od tim e." But S tu art is s w eatin g a nd fe veris h -lo okin g. " It's P atr ic ia th is a nd P atr ic ia th at, a ll n ig ht lo ng," h e sa ys. " H ow m any tim es c an h e b rin g h er u p ?" "J u st fo rg et a b out it , S tu art. E very th in g's o kay." He r u ns a h and th ro ugh h is h air a nd lo oks e very w here b ut a t m e. I s ta rt to g et th e fe elin g th at I 'm n o t even h ere to h im . A nd th en I r e aliz e w hat I 'v e k no w n a ll n ig ht. H e is lo okin g a t m e b ut h e is th in k in g ab out . . .

her.

S he is e very w here . I n th e a nger in S tu art's e yes, o n S enato r a nd M is su s W hit w orth 's to ngues, o n th e w all w here h er p ic tu re m ust'v e h ung.

I te ll h im I n eed to g o to th e b ath ro om .

He s te ers m e d ow n th e h all. " M eet u s o ut b ack ," h e s a ys, b ut d oes n o t s m ile . I n th e b ath ro om , I sta re a t m y r e fle ctio n, te ll m yse lf th at it 's ju st to nig ht. E very th in g w ill b e fin e o nce w e'r e o ut o f th is ho use .

Afte r th e b ath ro om , I w alk b y th e liv in g r o om , w here th e S enato r is p ourin g h im se lf a no th er d rin k .

He c huck le s a t h im se lf , d ab s a t h is s h ir t, th en lo oks a ro und to s e e if a nyo ne's s e en h im s p ill. I tr y to tip to e p ast th e d oorw ay b efo re h e s p ots m e.

"T here y o u a re !" I h ear h im h o lle r a s I s lip b y. I b ack u p s lo w ly in to th e d oorw ay a nd h is fa ce lig hts up . " W assa m atte r, y o u lo st? " H e w alk s o ut in to th e h allw ay.

"N o s ir , I w as ju st . . . g o in g to m eet e very b ody." "C om e h ere , g al. " H e p uts h is a rm a ro und m e a nd th e s m ell o f b ourb on b urn s m y e yes. I s e e th e fr o nt o f h is s h ir t is s a tu ra te d w it h it . " Y ou h avin g a g o od tim e?" "Y essir . T hank y o u." "N ow , S tu art's m am a, d on't y o u le t h er s c are y o u o ff. S he's ju st p ro te ctiv e, is a ll. " "O h n o , s h e's b een . . . v ery n ic e. E very th in g's fin e." I g la nce d ow n th e h all, w here I c an h ear th eir vo ic es.

He s ig hs, s ta re s o ff. " W e'v e h ad a r e al h ard y ear w it h S tu art. I g uess h e to ld y o u w hat h ap pened ." I n o d, fe elin g m y s k in p ric k le .

"O h, it w as b ad ," h e s a ys. " S o b ad ." T hen s u d denly h e s m ile s. " L ook a h ere ! L ook w ho 's c o m in g to sa y h ello to y o u." H e s c o ops u p a tin y w hit e d og, d ra p es it a cro ss h is a rm lik e a te nnis to w el. " S ay hello , D ix ie ," h e c ro ons, " s a y h ello to M is s E ugenia ." T he d og s tr u ggle s, s tr a in s it s h ead a w ay fr o m th e r e ek in g s m ell o f th e s h ir t.

The S enato r lo oks b ack a t m e w it h a b la nk s ta re . I th in k h e's fo rg o tte n w hat I 'm d oin g h ere .

"I w as ju st h ead ed to th e b ack p orc h," I s a y.

"C om e o n, c o m e in h ere ." H e tu gs m e b y th e e lb ow , s te ers m e th ro ugh a p anele d d oor. I e nte r a sm all r o om w it h a h eavy d esk , a y ello w lig ht s h in in g s ic k is h ly o n th e d ark g re en w alls . H e p ush es th e door s h ut b ehin d m e a nd I im med ia te ly fe el th e a ir c hange, g ro w c lo se a nd c la ustr o pho bic .

"N ow , lo ok, e very b ody s a ys I ta lk to o m uch w hen I 'v e h ad a fe w b ut . . ." th e S enato r n arro w s h is eyes a t m e, lik e w e a re o ld c o nsp ir a to rs , " I w ant to te ll y o u s o m eth in g." The d og's g iv en u p a ll s tr u ggle , s e d ate d b y th e s m ell o f th e s h ir t. I a m s u d denly d esp era te to g o ta lk to S tu art, lik e e very s e co nd I 'm a w ay I 'm lo sin g h im . I b ack a w ay.

"I th in k --I s h o uld g o fin d --" I r e ach fo r th e d oor h and le , s u re I 'm b ein g te rrib ly r u d e, b ut n o t a b le to sta nd th e a ir in h ere , th e s m ell o f liq uo r a nd c ig ars .

The S enato r s ig hs, n o ds a s I g rip th e h and le . " O h. Y ou to o, h uh." H e le ans b ack a gain st th e d esk , lo okin g d efe ate d .

I s ta rt to o pen th e d oor b ut it 's th e s a m e lo st lo ok o n th e S enato r's fa ce a s th e o ne S tu art h ad w hen he s h o w ed u p o n m y p are nts ' p orc h. I fe el lik e I h ave n o c ho ic e b ut to a sk , " M e to o w hat . . . s ir ? " The S enato r lo oks o ver a t th e p ic tu re o f M is su s W hit w orth , h uge a nd c o ld , m ounte d o n h is o ffic e wall lik e a w arn in g. " I s e e it , is a ll. I n y o ur e yes." H e c huck le s b it te rly . " A