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1

Diversity and Death

Although the issue of death is still not comfortably thought about and discussed by most individuals, our lives are affected dramatically by the death of family members, close friends, and co-workers.  

Members in my classes have lost persons close to them during the class experience.  There have also been those who were grieving the impending death of a terminally ill family member or close friend and even themselves.  There are those who grieved a death by suicide or homicide.  

Talking about death to someone with a terminal illness is very difficult: yet, it can be therapeutic and meaningful to the dying person to share life experiences and the fear or readiness for death.  Such disclosures can be comforting for the ill person and, for the survivor, it can provide meaningful reminiscence as well as serve as a reminder to prepare for their own ultimate transition. 

Cultural conceptions of death and dying vary; so, it is of interest for us to learn more about the meaning of life and death and customs and beliefs associated with D&D from your cultural perspectives.

A.

  Your task, therefore, is to write a brief essay incorporating the following aspects: 

• Present your personal cultural conception of dying and death.  Be certain to give ethnic background, any diversity issue that would help us become more knowledgeable about different perspectives and practices. 

• Describe family customs to comfort/care for those with impending death. 

• What insight does your spiritual system give regarding death.  Is there a belief in afterlife? 

Attitudes and assumptions about homicide vary. In the United States, the assessment of homicide can be criminal or noncriminal depending on the circumstances and intent. The noncriminal category identifies justifiable acts. Note that law enforcement and capital punishment (CP) are included in justifiable acts. Because of the escalation of violence in the U.S., segments of society support capital punishment as a deterrent, while others contend that society is engaging in murder itself by carrying out the act of court and state sanctioned capital punishment.

B.

From your perspective, what types of homicide committed by a person would justify their death by CP. If your spiritual/religious beliefs influence against CP, how do you explain the well known passage that includes “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.” Is CP a justifiable homicide?

Your task is to present your opinion/belief about this issue. Be certain to give the logic or supporting background information for your side on this matter.

C.

Disasters come in many sizes, not all of great scope, so some of us may have personally experienced one in our life time. 

Your assignment is to describe or comment on a disaster that you have related to that may have involved yourself, family, or your environment.  If you have had not this experience; then report on one in the media that you have witnessed in your lifetime. 

Present the situation, how you experienced it, how it affected your feelings/emotions, and how you reacted/responded. 

Discuss, also, your thoughts about any elements or functions of a “death system” that were encountered.  The death system and events of September 11th are especially relevant for many.

Elements of a death system include: People (social roles, support and rescue, funeral directors), Places (cemeteries, healthcare facilities, hospitals), Times (occasions associated with death, 9/11, Memorial Day), Objects (death certificates, tombstones, caskets) Symbols (dirge organ music, black armbands, skull and crossbones) and others (Corr, 2013).

2.

• 
  Locate 1 research article relating to caring for persons coping with dying.

• Submit a discussion of at least two paragraphs with your comments about what stood out for you.

• Provide the journal/article information so others can refer to it for future reference.

• You may want to refer to the Social Science Toolkit (in the Content Section) for some background in research/study articles.

C.

Your task is to complete and discuss in a paragraph the following items.

1. The primary goal in responding to needs of the dying

3.

A. A number of notable figures died during these past seven years, each representing a different dying trajectory. There was forewarning in the death of some; however, others occurred “off time” -- or unexpectedly.

Your task is to research the death of a noted individual and discuss the following:

• What is fascinating about the deaths of public or notable individuals?

• How do questionable circumstances affect the public’s interest in such deaths? Cause of death?

• What was your reaction and feelings about the death of an individual in the creative, scientific, political, financial or humanitarian environment? Do you think the public saw it as a positive or negative event? 

You may respond in several substantial paragraphs. Give background of the person; why notable in their own country or worldwide. This is not to be just a sterile copy of your source. Read sources on early background as to how that influenced them as individuals even in their childhood, as appropriate.

Note: Be sure to put the name of the person in your subject line so others do not report on the same person.

B. Worden (2009) suggested that we think of mourning involving four tasks: 1) to accept the reality of the loss; 2) to work through the pain of grief; 3) to adjust to the environment in which the deceased is missing; and 4) withdraw emotional energy from the deceased and reinvest in another relationship.

A distinguished thanatologist, Corr (2009) identified “task work” in coping with dying as: physical, psychological, social, and spiritual. (This is not in your readings)

Suppose you are a grief counselor/therapist and will be working with the client(s) in the sketch that follows. How would you proceed to help the person(s) work through their mourning in a task-based approach? The sketch is an original from Worden; however, you may use either Worden or Corr’s task-based perspective for your counseling approach.

Sketch

Son: You are 20. Your Dad committed suicide three months ago in the garage. You have been experiencing many feelings, especially anger because he killed himself. However, most of the time you just feel depressed.

You are drinking a lot and you find that it helps you feel better. You still live at home and your mother concerned about your drinking. When she mentions it, you either get angry at her or you withdraw. You are really not sure at this point what you feel about your Dad. There is some guilt mixed in your feelings of sadness and anger you reluctantly agree to go with your mother to a counselor.

Wife: Your husband killed himself by carbon monoxide poisoning three months ago. You feel both guilt and anger along with sadness.

You are concerned about your son’s drinking, which has increased since his father’s death, so you have sought out a professional to help the two of you with your problems.

Counselor: Your task is to help them sort out their feelings and deal with unfinished business regarding the deceased.

This assignment requires critical thinking and we will learn from each other in your discussion of three or more paragraphs.

Included in the psychosocial aspects of end of life issues is the notification of family, friends, and the larger community of the death of a person. Beyond the personal contact and widening pattern from the immediate family to others, notification also takes place in newspapers in the obituary section.

If you have read such notices, you saw that some were too brief to give justice to the life of the deceased person, perhaps because someone had to do it in a hurry to get it in on time or was too upset, or did not have enough background on the person. It is wise to draft your own obituary in advance and give copies to the appropriate person(s) to have ready.

Your task is to write your personal obituary for your local hometown paper. Give thought to how you will appear in print after you are gone for family and progeny to keep and for the community to recognize you. It is to be written for now/today, not in the future.

There are some guidelines for doing this for a newspaper. The information should be word-processed rather than hand written. In the upper left corner provide the name of a contact (usually a close family member) who can verify information and provide more details about the death if needed. (Include phone number, although not necessary to include for this assignment.) 

The first paragraph is a straightforward summary of facts such as name, occupation, age and date of death. Often the cause of death is noted as well.

The next paragraph or two should give highlights and major activities of your life such as schools attended, education, work history, volunteerism, military, professional, government or organizing activities, sports, little league coach and others. Include any special positions or offices you held as well as any activities or awards in high school sports or academics.

Next, include survivors/family, and geographic locations if not too lengthy. Then, be clear about any funeral or memorial services to be held with appropriate location and time information.

File your finished obituary with your will and give copies to your attorney and appropriate family members. You may want copies sent (upon your death) to schools, organizations, or professional publications. Make this obituary yours, do not model on some brief write-up you see in a major paper with many such notices. Do it as a local project for the place/community who would know you best. In such a transient era, you may have lived only a year or two in a new location because of a job. The finished product is to be 1 page.

Lastly, review and update your obituary every few years for any changes and updates in location, job, family members, and others.

B.

Notice how these discussion topics relate to the real world; disasters and accidents dominate our news. Our preparedness considers those who will be responsible to carry out our final wishes for unexpected deaths or tragic events.

This week, you are to write your wishes, from your cultural/spiritual perspective, as to  how you want your death from your cultural perspective acknowledged. Funeral, memorial service, celebration, music, eulogy, where – outside beautiful setting, or cremation with a small service in the home at a later time, or other arrangement.

What would be the most meaningful to you now as you foresee this event? Enter your arrangements for your final rite of passage and make copies and give to those who will follow.

Make this assignment real: who would participate; what favorite music would you want; the eulogy, family members or friends who would give farewell comments, pallbearers: if you are to be viewed, how would you want that; if cremated, what about disposition of the remains; any written words from you that you would want read? What would you want emphasized about your life – this is especially important and is more personal and informal than the obituary.

Write your response as a smooth flowing essay with details. You have likely thought about this, so now put this last part of your final affairs in order.

Background: How you feel about planning your final rite. Who will be responsible for carrying out/managing details.

The Body: Viewing, Cremation

Location and Service: Wake/Viewing, Funeral Service, Memorial Service, where interred or other

The Event: Eulogies, Music, etc.

Post Service Gathering: Invitees, Reception, Location

If you choose to have no final event, then respond accordingly and give reasons for your choice; rationale/logic, any family issues or personal issues (that you are comfortable to share). Then reflect and comment on how others, family or those in intimate relationships, might be affected if there is no final arrangement for closure. You may give your views on any final service you have previously attended, positive or otherwise, and how that may have influenced your decision. (This discussion must be substantial).

5.

A.

Getting Ready

Yes, I know you have already written your obituary and made arrangements for your final rite of passage; however, the conference topic this week is intentionally assigned a bit later to address some of the thoughts and questions that likely surfaced when you were working on these projects. Also, it brings you “back to life” after that obit!

Many of my classmembers over the years have not experienced the legal, conceptual, and moral issues associated with someone’s death, nor have they given much thought, if any, about how these issues pertain to their own inevitable death. Now that you have read Chapters 89, 92, 93, there should be a better understanding of what it takes to “get ready.”

Let’s begin with Advance Directives that provide instructions about what actions one would or would not want to be taken if incapacitated and not able to participate in decision making. Written forms include Living Wills, Durable Powers of Attorney for Health Care and DNR orders.

A Living Will consists of “prior written instructions in the context of a terminal illness when a person is unable to convey wishes.” Often, this document requests that dying not be unreasonably prolonged.

Next, think about a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, “a person is designated and authorized to make medical/health care decisions on behalf of an individual when that person is unable to convey his/her own wishes.”

Most everyone knows about wills and inheritance. A Will (Last Will and Testament) expresses the person’s intentions as to how one’s estate – money, property, other possessions – will be distributed upon death. To be safe, a will should be formally drawn up and witnessed. If there is no will, one’s hard earned assets are distributed according to state succession laws.

Now, how do you fit with all of this? Get ready for your death, yes again, by giving thought and attention to these issues, whether you are 21 or 61. To get started, think about and begin a written draft highlighting an Advance Directive for yourself. Use only first names (or made up) for privacy for discussion.

• In your Living Will, you are to convey your wishes about prolonging life or not. Comment on your personal, conceptual, or moral perspective on this issue. State your decisions regarding DNR, life support, and tube feeding.

• Then, designate a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Who would it be and why?

• What about organ donation or donating your body for research?

• Identify any cultural perspective associated with your decisions.

Next, be certain that you have a Last Will and Testament drawn up to identify and state your wishes regarding disposition of your assets/personal property that could include an automobile, real estate, stocks, jewelry, furniture, and other assets. You will name a personal representative and an alternate/substitute representative (first or made-up name for privacy for this assignment). Make a list of your personal possessions that you have, to designate in your Will for others to inherit. Make your list; however, do NOT post it here. As you may know, codicils can be drawn-up to make changes throughout your lifetime as personal circumstances change.

You will also want to designate a Durable General Power of Attorney to be able to transact business in your name when necessary or requested while you are living. The person would be authorized to manage financial affairs by dispersing funds to pay obligations and for your support and to meet any emergencies that appear, to make advance arrangements (financial) for funeral services and purchase of a burial plot. Put simply, the DGPA transacts business in your name.

Do all of this seriously and, when finished, let us know if this was difficult for you to think about or if it felt comfortable to begin getting your affairs in order. You, of course, want to review your draft and finalize your wishes with an attorney and give copies to appropriate family members, medical doctors, and clergy or spiritual advisor.

Your assignment, a written draft of substantial paragraphs should be as you would have it for review.

Note: Sample forms for Living Wills and durable Powers of Attorney are obtained through local and state health departments to get you started or provide a model.

B. The following is a hypothetical situation (although a death may have recently occurred in your familial or social environment). In fact, I receive emails from classmembers in many classes over the years letting me know of such losses. It is never an easy time for survivors.

Consider that a death recently occurred. Your task is to write a Condolence Letter to a friend, family member or co-worker following the death of an intimate other; spouse, partner, sibling, parent, child or other relationship. Feel the pain of the survivor and provide the social support needed at this time beginning with the letter.

Preface the letter with background for classmembers, giving circumstances of death, age, and any relationship to the survivor. (This is not part of the letter)

6.

Sudden unexpected deaths pose unique challenges to the psychological and emotional equilibrium of children and adolescents. The impact of the sudden death of a close family member or classmates is not always evident in the immediate aftermath; however, grieving can be unleashed months or years after the loss.

Loss of loved ones through car accidents, fires, terrorist acts or through natural disasters, or violent acts in school environments can trigger intense trauma for a young person who reflects (has invasive thoughts) on both the loss and circumstances of the incident.

Your readings present an overview of children’s and adolescents’ losses and some coping mechanisms that are practiced. To make this assignment even more relevant for the class,

Your task is to report on an accident, suicide, homicide, or incident that you know of personally or one highlighted in the media that resulted in lost lives of children’s friends, classmates, family members, or neighbors. Include in your discussion how children and adolescents have been or may be affected by losing loved ones or school classmates. How might that trauma continue as a grief process? Are we prepared to put interventions in place to serve children and adolescents if more such incidents occur?

Although grief does subside over time, what can we expect about those young individuals affected by such traumatic incidents, and what can we do toward the healing process, depending on the children’s age and/or loss? In your discussion, give as many specifics as you can, how learned of a situation/loss, and how children and adolescents were affected. Be sure to interact.

There is much to reflect on when reading about Suicide and Assisted Suicide. Because the topics elicit strong feelings and views, rather than pose questions as typically done in our weekly discussions, I am making this conference “your choice.” You may select any segment or position in the readings and report on it.

Be specific about any issue you wish to discuss and do it openly and freely. We are a great class and although think differently about some issues, we are respectful of each other’s opinions. We look forward to being even more informed about reasons for various perspectives. 

7.

You commented on some euphemisms for death in an earlier discussion topic.  Bought the farm, passed on, and pushing up daisies are just a few ways of expressing death to help individuals escape the reality of it.  You can add “kick the bucket” to that list and from that you now have the expression, Bucket List.

Pulling together ideas from authors Harold Kushner, Ben Wolfe, and death education counselors, if told you had a limited time to live, it is not dying that frightens you but never having lived, never having figured out what life was for.  The fear is that “you may have wasted your life with nothing to show for it”.

What are the goals you have on your bucket list?  Start now to complete those worthwhile dreams and live fully while you can.  What is on the list besides traveling and spending money on what you always wanted; after all, you are going to die anyway!  What about life’s lessons, values, and gifts that are intangible?

Your assignment is to reach into your bucket of hope, experiences, and dreams, make your list and begin to live life fully now.  You may not have second chances.

This assignment is for you to do for yourself, thoughtfully with no response in this discussion.  This topic is so important to your life, that I know you will take time to do it.