Need help making revisions to the final draft. Please see attached draft and the revisions needed to be made to the final paper with the proof read paper.

No. of Pages: 0 Paper Style: APA Paper Type: N/A Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? No Feedback Areas: General, N/A Paper Goals: Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act - Week 4 Assignment for review.

Proofing Summary:

Hi Tanya, I'm Tomi, your writing tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will help you revise. Please feel free to contact us through a 24/7 live writing session with any follow-up questions or for any clarification. Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process.

Note that I have not proofread the draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on larger concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at grammar and punctuation, please use Grammarly. Grammarly is a free grammar check tool that proofreads your paper and teaches you about the grammar errors you made in your paper.

See this Grammarly guide for help using it: http://writingcenter.ashford.edu/grammarly You have done a nice job of establishing the history of the act. This will be useful as you work on establishing your suggestions, since a knowledge of the history will help you identify possible flaws or weak spots for the act.

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. Purpose:

For this assignment you need to think about the strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages, and positive and negative impacts of these aspects of our democracy. Use what you have learned so far to evaluate a specific policy of our national government and recommend ways to enhance what works and repair what is not working well. Keep in mind that this is listed throughout the course guide as an argumentative piece, and your thesis should contain your argument for your suggestions.

2. Thesis:

The last sentence of your introduction paragraph should state your thesis. A thesis conveys your position on a topic and provides focus for your essay — basically, it is what you are hoping to accomplish or prove in this paper. A thesis statement should establish your topic, purpose, and main talking points. Including a thesis statement is vital to strengthening your paper.

https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/writing-a-thesis 3. Paragraph Development:

In general, all paragraphs need to have 3 pieces in 7-11 sentences:

P-Point—also known as your topic sentence where you state what the paragraph is about. They should reflect one of the main points of your thesis statement, and clearly introduce the subject of the paragraph.

I-Information—where you present your information (facts, details, quotes, and reasons) E-Explanation—where you explain the relevance or importance of your information. How does this information relate to your main point? What is it's significance? Why is it important?

You need to make sure your audience can follow your ideas. Your paragraphs should let the audience know how you got from Point A to Point B when it comes to your reasoning. A good idea to keep in mind as you write is to consider how you would explain a concept to someone who knows nothing about the subject. Keeping this in mind can help you be thorough with your explanations.

https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs Good luck in the course! page 1 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 page 2 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 Your introduction should end with a thesis statement that clearly establishes your topic, purpose, and main talking points. For this assignment, your thesis should mention the suggestions you have to enhance or repair this act.

https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/writing-a-thesis page 3 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs Paragraphs are typically seven to eleven sentences long. Make sure that you establish enough information and explanation to properly flesh out your concepts. page 4 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 Again, make sure that you properly flesh out your paragraphs. You also need to tie these concepts clearly to the suggestions you should be making for the act. How might these "hiccups" pertain to those suggestions?

https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/body-paragraphs page 5 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 You don’t want to end your paragraph with a citation.

When citing, it’s a good idea to keep the acronym ICE in mind: Introduce, Cite, Explain.

Explaining your information is vital for audience understanding. https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/apa-citing-within-your-paper page 6 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 When providing direct quotes, always remember to provide reflection on it afterwards.

How does it relate to your topic? What is its context? You should never have an unexplained quotation in your writing. https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/apa-citing-within-your-paper page 7 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 Remember that your conclusion paragraph should wrap up the ideas of your paper, not repeat them. You may want to consider the following: what are the main points of your paper? What is the last thing you want your readers to hear from you?

https://writingcenter.ashford.edu/introductions-conclusions page 8 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020 Powered by TCPDF (www.tcpdf.org) page 9 / 9 Proofed Paper: ntp938647 - Tue May 26 0:37:54 EDT 2020