The essay is from 4th grade and has to be brought up to 8th-grade level based on the assignment requirements and the rubric. For example, use more vivid language. The essay will need to contain around
My Pet Bird’s Escape
It finally stopped raining and the sun showed up outside, making all of nature happy. Flowers were blooming, birds were chirping and my pet bird Timmy was chirping too. It made me sad that he was locked in the cage while all the wild birds were outside flying free and enjoying this nice spring day. I decided to let Timmy out of his cage to at least fly around my house a little bit, because he could not enjoy the outdoors like wild birds. Unfortunately, I did not see that my mother opened one of the windows in the house, and Timmy flew out into the neighborhood. I got very scared when I saw that he flew out, because I knew he cannot survive outside on his own.
"Mom, help," I cried loudly, while standing next to the open window in the sunroom.
"What is it, honey?" my mom asked me while running from the living room.
"Timmy... Timmy escaped, and it is all my fault!" I said while crying.
"Oh no, I am sorry. Please try to calm down. We will find him and bring him home," said my mom in a soft voice, trying to calm me down.
"But what if we do not? Timmy is a tropical bird and it is cold outside. I am worried mom. I am so worried about him, mom!" I was crying and shaking.
"Honey, please calm down. Here, let me give you a hug. Let us both calm down, so we can think clearly. We will find our little bird and bring him home, you will see!" Mom was speaking softly while trying to comfort me.
"OK," I said while hugging my mom. Hugging my mom helped me calm down almost instantly and I was already thinking more clearly. "Mom, I know what, I will bring his favorite toy bell outside and start ringing it while calling his name!" I shouted.
"Yes honey, that is a wonderful idea," replied mom excitedly.
We got the bell from the birdcage and ran outside.
Immediately, I went outside and started calling his name. "Timmy, Timmy!" He did not come. The more I called his name, the more I heard other wild birds chirping louder, almost like they were trying to tell me something, but I could not understand what. I decided to rely on my eyes and my brain more than my ears, and I started looking around for him. I remembered that birds loved to come to my garden and rest on the tree there. I ran to the garden and there he was, my bird Timmy, sitting high on the tree branch. I called his name, but he did not move. I could not reach him, because he was too high up. Then I got an idea on how to get him to come to me. I ran into the house and got his favorite treat, spray millet. I took it outside and showed it to him. Right after he saw it, he flew on my hand and started eating.
I quickly grabbed him and took him inside, and put him back in his cage. Timmy was shaking and I could see that he was very stressed by this whole adventure. Both my mom and me were really happy and relieved that Timmy was safe again. Now I always think to make sure no windows are open before letting my bird out of his cage.
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