4-2 Journal: Historical Documentaries (50 points) can’t open the last two have to download app

t h e H erm in e a n d D avid H elle r F o u nd atio n , t h e D ou b le H F o u nd atio n , A llis o n G ro ve r a n d S usie S ch er, a n d o th ers . A c o m ple te lis t is

a va ila b le f r o m P B S.

E xp lo re n ew w orld s a n d n ew id eas f o r p ro g ra m s lik e t h is , m ad e a va ila b le f o r e ve ry o n e t h ro u g h c o n tr ib utio n s t o y o u r P B S s ta tio n

f r o m v ie w ers lik e y o u . T h an k y o u .

I 'm H aro ld .

A nd I'm H aro ld .

I 'm g ay.

I 'm g ay.

A nd w e h ave b een t o g eth er f o r 4 5 y e ars .

I 'm a p ro u d le sb ia n . B utc h .

I 'm b is e xu al. 7 8% g ay a n d 2 2% s tr a ig ht.

I 'm a g ay h ors e m en .

I 'm a w om an o f t r a n s h is to ry .

S he's R uth ie , s h e's a le sb ia n g ra n d m oth er. S he's C on nie . S he's a le sb ia n g re at g ra n d m oth er.

I 'm a n In d ia n le sb ia n .

I 'm a g ay m an w ho is a C hris tia n .

I 'm a t r a n sse xu al m an .

I 'm a le sb ia n .

I 'm b is e xu al, a n d y o u 'r e c o n fu se d .

G ay w om an .

G ay. H ap py.

P ro u d P u erto R ic a n g ay m an .

D om in an t le sb ia n .

O ut, lo u d , a n d p ro u d .

I 'm o u t in A m eric a .

A nd t h at is w ho I a m . W hen I f ir s t s a w h im , I w as in lo ve . I t h ou g ht h e w as c u te , a n d I ju st f e lt lik e I w an te d t o h old h im o r c u d dle h im a n d t a ke c a re o f

h im .

I h ad a p re tty in te n se c ru sh o n a f r ie n d in h ig h s c h ool, a n d I ju st lo ve d h er, a n d I lo ve d lis te n in g t o m usic w it h h er, I lo ve d s e ein g

h er in t h e h allw ay, I lo ve d t a lk in g a b ou t w hat d id y o u d o o ve r t h e w eeke n d ? I w as s o h ap py w hen s h e g ot t h e t e n nis s h oe s s h e

w an te d t o g et. I w as ju st s o h ap py f o r h er.

I r e m em ber ju st m elt in g . H ow 's y o u r d ay? I'm g ood . O h m y G od , s h e's g ood .

I c a n r e m em ber f a r b ack . I u se d t o h ave a f r ie n d . S he w as a lit tle g ir l. O ur n eig hb orh ood f r ie n d . W e'd p la y a ll t h e t im e t o g eth er.

W e'd g o o u t a n d p la y in t h e c re ek, p la y in t h e p ark u ntil o u r p are n ts c a lle d u s in a t n ig ht. A nd w e w ou ld r o le p la y. S he w ou ld b e t h e

w if e , a n d I w ou ld b e t h e h usb an d , a lw ays. A nd w e w ou ld h ave b ab ie s a n d a ct lik e h usb an d a n d w if e . A nd I w ou ld p ro b ab ly s a y t h at

s h e p ro b ab ly w as m y f ir s t c ru sh .

I w is h ed I w ere a b oy f o r a s lo n g a s I c a n r e m em ber. E ve n t h ou g h e ve ry o n e k n ew I w as a g ir l, I w as lo okin g m ore lik e a b oy, a n d I

w as c e rta in ly b eh avin g m ore lik e a b oy. W e w ere d ow nto w n in L in co ln , N eb ra sk a . I w as n in e.

H er n am e w as Ju d y, a n d s h e h ad lo n g b lo n d e h air , a n d s h e w ore g la sse s. S he w ore t h ose b lu e p la stic g la sse s t h at c o m e o u t lik e a

w in g .

I h ad t a ke n t h is ja ck e t t h at b elo n g ed t o m y s te p fa th er, a n d s h e p ut h er a rm t h ro u g h m y a rm w hile w e w ere w alk in g . T h at m ay

h ave n ot m ean t a n yth in g t o h er lik e w hat it m ean t t o m e, b ut I ju st r e m em ber t h e t h rill t h at w en t t h ro u g h m e w hen s h e d id t h at,

a n d h ow g ood it f e lt t o m e. I'm in m y '5 0s. I r e m em ber t h at m om en t s till.

I t r e ally w asn 't u ntil I m et m y p artn er S te ve t h at I w as r e ally a b le t o ju st e xp lo re a n d e m bra ce w hat it is t o b e in lo ve , t o b e in lo ve

w it h a n oth er m an , a n d t o h ave a r e la tio n sh ip d eve lo p a n d b lo om a n d b lo sso m a n d g o t h ro u g h t h ese w on d erfu l p hase s, a n d r e ally

d eve lo p t h at le ve l o f in tim acy .

I w as in t h e c lu b , a n d t h at's w hen I s a w A sh le y. I ju st c o u ld n't b elie ve it , b eca u se s h e w as t h is b eau tif u l g ir l. T h is p erfe ct lo okin g

g ir l. A nd I g iv e h er m y n um ber a n d s tu ff, a n d t w o h ou rs la te r, s h e t e xte d m e a n d w as lik e , " S o w hen is o u r n ext d ate ?"

T h e f ir s t t h in g t h at a ttr a cte d m e t o h er w as h er e ye s. I lo ve d h er e ye s. T h ey'r e s o b eau tif u l.

I a rriv e d in W ash in g to n , D C o n t h e n ig ht o f Ja n uary 1 9th ?

1 9th .

A nd w e im med ia te ly w en t t o a b ake ry , w hic h w as o n e b lo ck --

A cro ss t h e s tr e et.

F ro m w here h e liv e d , a n d b ou g ht t h is h ug e c a ke . A nd w e d ecid ed t h at w e w ere g oin g t o c e le b ra te t h is b y e atin g e ach h alf a c a ke .

M och a r u m .

M och a r u m c a ke . A nd a t t h at t im e, I t h ou g ht t h at h e w as t h e g re ate st c o ok in t h e w orld , b eca u se h e m ad e a d in ner o f c h ic k e n

b re ast a n d s o m e v e g eta b le s. B ut I d id n't k n ow t h at a t t h at t im e, y o u c o u ld g et f r o ze n v e g eta b le s, a n d a ll y o u h ad t o d o is d ro p t h e

p ou ch in h ot w ate r. B ut I w as s o e xcit e d a b ou t w hat w as h ap pen in g t h at I d id n't t h in k a b ou t t h at. A nd I r e m em ber t h at w e h ad

o ra n g e Je llo f o r a w eek, d id n't w e? Y e s. M y s p ecia lt y .

T h at w as h is s p ecia lt y , o r a c a ke f r o m A vig non F re re s, w hic h w e w ou ld e at c o m ple te ly . A nd o n e o f t h e t h in g s t h at w as a ls o

p hysic a lly e xcit in g a b ou t h im is t h at h e e n jo ye d c a n d ie s a n d d esse rts a s m uch a s I d id . M ost p eop le a re lik e , o h , y o u e at t o o m uch

o f t h at s tu ff.

B ut h e n eve r d id . W e w ou ld ju st e at, e at, e at c a n d ie s a n d d esse rt. A nd t h en I g uess I c o u ld s a y I k n ew I w as in lo ve .

T h is g ir l d ro p ped m e o ff o n ce o n t h e c o rn er, a n d s h e a n d h er m om w ere in t h e c a r. A nd I w as lik e 1 4 y e ars o ld , a n d I r e m em ber

l o okin g a t t h em , a n d I w as w ait in g f o r t h e s to p lig ht t o c h an g e, a n d t h ey lo oke d a t e ach o th er a n d s ta rte d la u g hin g . A nd I t h ou g ht,

w ow , t h ey'r e t a lk in g a b ou t m e.

A nd I w en t u p t o t h e c a r a n d I s a id , w hat? W hat's f u nny? A nd m y f r ie n d s a id , o h , m y m om s a id y o u 'r e g oin g t o b e g ay w hen y o u

g ro w u p . A nd I f r e ake d o u t. A nd I r e m em ber w alk in g h om e f r o m t h ere a n d I c rie d , a n d I w as lik e , o h , m an , I a m g oin g t o b e g ay

w hen I g ro w u p . A nd it w as t h e f ir s t t im e t h at I h ad t h ou g ht a b ou t it in t h e lig ht o f d ay s e rio u sly , o r b een c o n fr o n te d w it h it o u t lo u d

s p oke n , a n d e sp ecia lly b y s o m eon e t h at I w as v e ry c lo se t o a n d h er m om .

I r e m em ber b ein g t r o u b le d b y it . I h eard a b ou t it in ju nio r h ig h s c h ool, b eca u se I w as a p ag e in t h e p ub lic lib ra ry a n d h ad a cce ss t o

a ll t h e b ooks. A nd a t s o m e p oin t o r o th er, I c a m e a cro ss a b ook a b ou t h om ose xu alit y , a n d I d id n't k n ow q uit e w hat t o m ake o f it .

B ut a s I r e ad it , it w as p ain fu lly f a m ilia r t h at s o m e o f t h is is in te re stin g t o m e.

H ow d o I d eal w it h a ll o f t h is ? N ow , if I w as a d ru nka rd , I w ou ld h ave k n ow n a b ou t t h at, o r if I w as g oin g a ro u nd s c re w in g g ir ls , I

w ou ld h ave k n ow n a b ou t t h at. B ut t h e c h urc h , t o m y k n ow le d ge, n eve r, e ve r s p oke a b ou t it .

I w en t t o t h e lib ra ry a n d t r ie d t o f in d s o m eth in g o u t a b ou t a ll t h is . A nd t h e o n ly b ooks I c o u ld f in d -- t h e o n ly b ooks, a n d t h ere

w ere n 't m an y, e ve ry b od y d ie d . E ve ry b od y w ho w as h om ose xu al d ie d , m en o r w om en . T h ey a ll c o m mit te d s u ic id e o r ju m ped o ff o f

b rid ges o r h ad t e rrib le t h in g s h ap pen t o t h em .

I g re w u p in a la rg e C ath olic f a m ily , a n d it ju st w asn 't e ve n t a lk e d a b ou t. It ju st w asn 't e ve n a n o p tio n . I w en t t o W est P o in t a n d

a ctu ally s ig ned a n a ffid avit , a le g al d ocu m en t, s ta tin g t h at I w as n ot a h om ose xu al, a n d I d id n't t h in k I w as a t t h e t im e.

M y s e co n d y e ar t h ere , I h ad a c ru sh o n o n e o f m y t e am mate s o n t h e s o cce r t e am , a n d it w as c o m ple te ly m in d b lo w in g t o m e t o

t h in k t h at t h is m ig ht m ean t h at I m ean I m ig ht b e g ay. W hat d oe s t h at m ean ? I d on 't e ve n k n ow a n yb od y w ho's g ay.

O ne t im e, I w as in a b ooksto re . I'l l n eve r f o rg et. I w as in a b ooksto re , a n d I s a w T h e L e sb ia n R ead er. A nd I d id lo ok a w ay lik e

s o m eb od y h ad s e en m e s e e it . A nd w hen w e w ere t a lk in g a b ou t T h e L e sb ia n R ead er, w e'd c a ll it t h e H m mhm mhm m R ead er It w as

s o s e cre t. It w as a m azin g .

I w as 1 4, a n d t h ere w as a f a m ou s o b sc e n it y c a se t h at m ad e it in to t h e f e d era l c o u rts a b ou t a m ag azin e c a lle d O ne M ag azin e. It

w as p ub lis h ed o u t o f L o s A ng ele s. It w as n ot a p orn og ra p hic m ag azin e in a n y w ay. T h ere w ere n o b eefc a ke s h ots o r a n yth in g . It

w as s im ply a lit tle p olit ic a l m ag azin e t h at's n ow c o n sid ere d q uit e h is to ric .

B ut t h e n ew s m ad e t h e R ale ig h p ap er in N orth C aro lin a, a n d it s a id , " O ne, t h e h om ose xu al m ag azin e," a n d I r e aliz e d t h ere w as a

w ord f o r it . A nd I r e aliz e t h at's w hat I w as. A nd t h en a ll m y im ag es o f t h at c a m e f r o m m ovie s, a n d t h ey w ere h orrif y in g . T h ey w ere

f lo u ncin g , m in cin g m on ste rs w it h n o h eart.

S om eth in g a b ou t t h e e ye s.

N o c a p ab ilit y o f lo vin g . I s u p pose y o u 'l l w an t t h ese p ulle d d ow n, w on 't y o u ?

Y e s.

W hy a re y o u lo okin g a t m e t h at w ay? W on 't I d o?

Y e s, y o u 'l l d o v e ry w ell in d eed .

P le ase d on 't c o m e a n y c lo se r. I- - [ S C REA M IN G ]

Y o u a re a g ood lo okin g h ors e . Y o u a re a g ood lo okin g h ors e .

I t h in k I w as s o in vo lv e d in m y w ork t h at I d id n't k n ow a b ou t lo vin g a m an . C erta in ly , lik e t h at. I'd n eve r t h ou g ht a b ou t it u ntil it

h ap pen ed , a n d t h en w hen it w as o ve r, it w as p re tty in te n se . I m ean , t h at w as a p re tty a w fu l f e elin g . B ut it m ad e m e, a t t h at p oin t,

I h ad t o s ta rt t h in kin g a b ou t w ho I w as, o r t h at m ayb e I w as d if fe re n t.

R eally , w hat I h ave u lt im ate ly le arn ed is t h at w hate ve r w e a re , w e a re , a n d it w ill e ve n tu ally p erc o la te b ack u p t o t h e s u rfa ce , a n d

t h at's w hat h ap pen ed w it h m y g en d er id en tit y . S o I'm n ot a le sb ia n . I w as a le sb ia n , b ut I a m n o lo n g er a le sb ia n . I r e ally a m a

t r a n sse xu al m an .

T h ere w as a s tr u g gle b etw een a n in cre asin g ly m ilit a n t b ut s o m ew hat [ IN AU D IB LE ] g ay c o m munit y a n d r e lig io u s p eop le w ho w en t

t o c o n ve n tio n al c h urc h es. T h e a rg um en t t h at m an y o f t h ese c o n ve n tio n ally r e lig io u s p eop le w as t h at h om ose xu alit y w as

u nnatu ra l, t h at t h ose w ho w ere s u ch w ere m is e ra b ly u nhap py, a n d t h at t h e C hris tia n f a it h h ad n o p la ce f o r s u ch p eop le .

W ell, I w as m an if e stly e vid en ce t o t h e c o n tr a ry o n a ll t h ose p oin ts , s o I d ecid ed t h e s tr o n g est a rg um en t I c o u ld m ake is m yse lf . S o I

d id .

H ow 'd y o u d o it ?

I m ad e a s p eech o n t h e s te p s o f t h e c h urc h . A nd I t o ok e ach o f t h ose p oin ts a n d s a id , in y o u r p re se n ce , in y o u r f a ce , I r e p ud ia te

t h ese a rg um en ts . I'm t e rrib ly h ap py. I a m a f u nctio n in g C hris tia n . A nd I a m a h om ose xu al.

A nd I s a id , I g iv e y o u t h e e vid en ce o f m y o w n lif e . W ell, t h at s o rt o f t h re w a m on ke y w re n ch in to a lo t o f a rg um en t a t t h at p oin t,

a n d t h en c o n ve rs a tio n b eg an t o b uzz. A nd t h ere w ere m an y p eop le w ho s a id , w ell, if a n yb od y a s d ull a s G om es is a h om ose xu al, it

m ust b e a ll r ig ht.

O ne o f t h e r e aso n s I c a m e o u t w as s o I c o u ld h ave a r e al lif e w it h s o m eon e a n d a r e al f a m ily w it h s o m eon e, a n d s o I c o u ld c h oose

m y lif e p artn er in f u ll lig ht lik e e ve ry o n e e ls e g ets t o . I d o n ot w an t t o c h oose t h e p ers o n w it h w hom I'm g oin g t o s h are m y lif e , t h e

p ers o n w it h w hom I'm g oin g t o g ro w o ld , in a d ark , s m all c lo se t. I'm n ot g oin g t o d o t h at.

A nd I ju st p ra ye d t o G od , d ear G od , ju st g iv e m e a m om en t's p eace . I c h an g ed m y p ra ye r. M y p ra ye r h ad a lw ays b een h elp m e

f ig ure o u t h ow t o s ta y in t h e c lo se t a n d h ave m y c a re er a n d f ig ure o u t t h e w ay t o n avig ate t h is w hole t h in g I'v e c re ate d . A nd o n

t h at d ay, I c h an g ed t h e p ra ye r a n d ju st c o m ple te ly s u b m it te d a n d a cq uie sc e d .

I w en t t o t h e r a b bi. I h ad a t o m e m ayb e t h is t h ic k -- a lo ose le af b ook w it h a ll t h e r a b bin ic s, a ll t h e T a lm ud t h at d eals w it h in te rs e cts

a n d s e x c h an g e a n d a ll t h ese k in d s o f t h in g s in a v o lu m e. I k n ew m ost o f it b y h eart. A nd I w en t in t o t h e r a b bi a n d I s a id , R ab bi

S id el I'v e g ot s o m eth in g t o t e ll y o u . I'm g oin g t o b e t r a n sit io n in g . B ein g t r a n s is s o m eth in g t h at t h e T a lm ud c o n sid ere d 1 600, 1 700 y e ars a g o. W e h ave a h is to ry w it h t h is . T h ere a re d if fe re n t t y p es

o f p eop le w ho a re c o n sid ere d , w ell, if y o u h ave t h is p ers o n w ho's in te rs e x, w ho's m ore m ale t h an f e m ale , w hic h b le ssin g s d o t h ey

h ave t o s a y? D o t h ey s a y t h e m ale b le ssin g s o r t h e f e m ale b le ssin g s? T h ere 's a s p ectr u m t h at t h e r a b bis r e co g niz e , a n d t h ere 's

n oth in g a cco rd in g t o Je w is h la w t h at p ro h ib it s t h is .

A g uy w ho w ork e d f o r m e c a m e u p t o m e in P T f o rm atio n a n d w as lik e , h ey, C ap tia in K an is , I g ot a q uestio n f o r y o u . A nd I w as lik e ,

y e ah , w hat's u p , E ric ? A nd h e s a id , h ey, a re y o u g ay? A re y o u a le sb ia n ?

A nd in m y m in d , I d id t h is q uic k c a lc u la tio n o f a ll t h e s tu ff y o u le arn a t W est P o in t, t h at y o u n eed t o b e im partia l w it h y o u r

s u b ord in ate s, b eca u se s o m ed ay, y o u m ay n eed t o a sk t h em t o d o s o m eth in g t h at's a m atte r o f lif e o r d eath , a n d y o u w an t t h em t o

t r u st y o u . A nd t h e o th er h alf w as lik e , if I lie t o t h is g uy, h e's g oin g t o k n ow it , a n d h e's n ot g oin g t o t r u st m e. A nd I f lip ped a c o in in

m y m in d , a n d I w as lik e , y e ah , y e ah I a m , a n d ju st k in d o f b ra cin g f o r h ere it c o m es.

A nd h e w as lik e , o h , g ood . A w eso m e. T h ere 's t h is r e ally c u te g ir l in t h e u nit d ow n t h e s tr e et, a n d I t h ou g ht m ayb e I c o u ld s e t y o u

g uys u p . A nd t h en I p ut b ack o n m y s e n io r s u b ord in ate h at, a n d I w as lik e , E ric , t h at's s o in ap pro p ria te . I'm y o u r b oss. Y o u 'r e n ot

s u p pose d t o h ook m e u p w it h p eop le .

I w as liv in g w it h a w om an f o r a b ou t t w o y e ars w hen I f in ally s a id t o h er, d o y o u t h in k w e'r e le sb ia n s? A nd it w as lik e n ew s t o u s. I

y e ars la te r c a m e o u t t o m y s tu d en ts w hen I h ad I t a u g ht h ig h s c h ool E n g lis h f o r e ig ht y e ars , a n d t h ey a lw ays, t o a p ers o n , w ou ld

s a y, w ell, w e k n ew y o u w ere g ay. A nd I'd s a y, w ell, w hy d id n't y o u t e ll m e?

A nd I'd s a y, w ell, w hat w as t h e f ir s t c lu e? H ow d id y o u k n ow I w as a le sb ia n ? A nd t h ey a ll w ou ld s a y, t h ose F ry e b oots .

R elie ve d , in m an y w ays. I d on 't h ave t h at b if u rc a te d f e elin g a n ym ore . I d on 't h ave t h at G om es is a C hris tia n o ve r h ere a n d a

h om ose xu al o ve r t h ere . I d on 't h ave t h at. I f e el a t o n e. I f e el w hole .

A nd t h at g iv e s m e a k in d o f s tr e n g th w hic h I t h in k p ro b ab ly in m y e arlie r d ays I d id n ot h ave , a n d I t h in k t h at's a r e su lt o f t h e

i n te g ra tio n . A nd I f e lt g re atly r e lie ve d b y t h at. A nd m y h op e, o f c o u rs e , w as t h at I w ou ld b e h elp fu l t o s o m eb od y e ls e w ho w as in

t h at s a m e p osit io n , b ut n ot a s w ell s it u ate d a s I w as.

N ow t h at I'v e e m bra ce d b ein g g ay a n d o u t a n d o p en w it h m y s e xu alit y a n d e t c e te ra , I'v e t a ke n o n d an cin g a t p rid e p ara d es, a n d

w earin g w hat I w an t, r o ck in g m y c o lo rfu l o u tfit s in H arle m . M y p ers o n alit y is d if fe re n t, h ow I r e act t o p eop le , h ow I t a lk t o p eop le . I

w ou ld t a lk t o c e rta in p eop le a n d I w ou ld h ave t o d eep en m y v o ic e . I'm lik e , h ey, w hat's u p , h ow a re y o u ?

A nd t h ey w ou ld k n ow , a n d I w ou ld k n ow . A nd I'm lik e , I'm t r y in g w ay t o o h ard . I n eed t o s to p . A nd n ow w hen I ju st a p pro a ch

p eop le , y e ah , I h ave a f e m in in e v o ic e . I d on 't c a re . L ik e , h ey, h ow a re y o u ?

I w as in N ew Y o rk . I w as o n 7 2nd , a n d I w as w ait in g t o c ro ss t h e s tr e et, a n d I n otic e d a n o ld er w om an n ext t o m e. S he h ad a lit tle

c a n e, a n d s h e w as v e ry n erv o u s, a n d I s a id , c a n I h elp y o u c ro ss t h e s tr e et? A nd s h e s a id , I w ou ld a p pre cia te it . Y e s, d ear.

A nd s o w e'r e w alk in g a cro ss t h e s tr e et, a n d I s a id , w here a re y o u g oin g ? A nd s h e s a id , t h at b en ch o ve r t h ere . A nd I s a id O K.

A nd w e'r e w alk in g a lo n g , a n d w e g et t o t h e c o rn er, a n d s h e s a ys t h an k y o u . A nd I s a id , it w as a p le asu re m eetin g y o u . A nd s h e

s a ys t o m e, a n d y o u 'r e s u ch a h an d so m e g uy. A nd I a ctu ally h ad a lit tle s p rin g in m y s te p . I a ctu ally w alk e d a w ay a n d k in d o f w en t,

h ey, it 's w ork in g .

I t 's a w eso m e. I f e el n orm al. I g et it . I u nd ers ta n d w hat e ve ry o n e e ls e g ets t o d o. I d on 't h ave a n u p se t s to m ach . I d on 't h ave h ead ach es lik e I u se d t o h ave . B ut I w ill t e ll y o u t h is . I'm s till t r y in g t o u nle arn t h e o ld

h ab it s o f c o m partm en ta liz a tio n . A s lo n g a s it t a ke s t o d eve lo p a s k ills e t t o h id e, o n e h as t o u nle arn t h ose t o ols a n d t h ose s k ills o f

h id in g .

T h e f r e ed om c a m e o u t w hen I c a m e o u t. W hen I c o u ld s a y t o a n yb od y t h at I'm a le sb ia n .

T h ere is n o w ay o f r e m em berin g w hat d id I s a y y e ste rd ay, b eca u se I'm c o ve rin g m y t u ck u s t o d ay. T h ere 's n oth in g t o r e m em ber.

I t 's ju st a f r e e f lo w in g e xa m ple o f e ve ry d ay t a lk , a n d y o u d on 't h ave t o c o ve r y o u rs e lf o r w orry . W e h ave p eop le t h at c o d e t h eir

c a le n d ars , t h at n ob od y s h ou ld k n ow w hat t h e c o d e m ean s.

W hat c o d e? I w ou ld f o rg et w hat t h e c o d e m ean s. I w ou ld n't k n ow w hat m eetin g t o g o t o .

T h e f r e ed om c a m e o u t w hen , a s a g uid an ce c o u nse lo r in a h ig h s c h ool, I w as a b le t o s ta rt, in t h e la te '7 0s, a g ay a n d le sb ia n c lu b .

S tu d en ts c a m e. S tu d en ts c a m e.

N ot o n ly t h at. Ju st r e ce n tly , o n e o f t h e s tu d en ts g ot in t o u ch w it h m e o n F a ce b ook. S he's a p rin cip al in a h ig h s c h ool. A w on d erfu l

p rin cip al. A lo vin g p rin cip al. T h e k id s a d ore h er.

[ IN TE R PO SIN G V O IC ES ]

I t d oe sn 't g et b ette r t h an t h at.

S he t h an ke d m e.

W hen I f in ally c a m e b ack t o N ew Y o rk a s D an a, it w as e xh ila ra tin g . I f e lt I w as t r u ly h om e f o r t h e f ir s t t im e. B eca u se I w as m e. I

w asn 't p re te n d in g t o b e s o m eb od y e ls e . It w as w on d erfu l.

I w as s it tin g o n t h e c o u ch t a lk in g t o m y f a th er, la u g hin g f o r t h e f ir s t t im e e ve r t h at I c o u ld r e m em ber, a n d m y m oth er w as lo okin g

a t m e, a n d s h e g oe s, w hat's w ro n g w it h y o u ? I s a id , w hat d o y o u m ean , w hat's w ro n g w it h m e? S he g oe s, y o u h ave n 't s to p ped

s m ilin g s in ce y o u g ot h ere .

I s a id , M om , t h at's t h e p oin t. A nd s h e ju st s to p ped a n d s h e s a id , y o u k n ow , I d on 't e ve r r e m em ber y o u s m ilin g . A nd I k n ew t h en

t h at s h e g ot it .

T h e g ay r ig hts m ove m en t in t h e U nit e d S ta te s, y o u c a n d ate it p re tty m uch f r o m t h e '5 0s-- t h e e arly '5 0s. W it h g ro u p s lik e T h e

M atta ch in e S ocie ty , T h e D au g hte rs o f B ilit is . It w as o rg an iz e d , r e ally , t o p ro vid e s u p port, a n d t o p ro vid e s o m e w ay o f r e sp on d in g t o

t h e p olic e h ara ssm en t t h at w as v e ry , v e ry in te n se a g ain st g ay p eop le . T h ere w ere a ll s o rts o f r a id s a n d b usts , a n d it w as a c rim e

t o b e g ay.

T h ey s a id a ll g ay p eop le w ere c o m munis ts . T h e w hole t h in g w as t h at it 's O K. Ju st b eat u p o n g ays. A nd t h at w as t h e a ttit u d e o f t h e

p olic e , a n d t h at w as t h e a ttit u d e o f t h e f e d era l g ove rn m en t. W e a ll k n ew t h at if y o u w en t t o a p ark , y o u w ere in d an g er o f b ein g

p ic k e d u p f o r s o lic it in g s e x.

W e w ere c o n fr o n te d w it h a p ro b le m . H ow t o o b ta in t h e n ece ssa ry e vid en ce t h at w ou ld le ad t o c o n vic tio n s? F ilm w as t h e a n sw er,

a n d a n o ffic e r w as s ta tio n ed b eh in d a t w o w ay m ir ro r t h at h ad b een p la ce d in a t o w el d is p en se r. W e k e p t o p era tio n s o f t h is

r e str o om u nd er s u rv e illa n ce f o r a p erio d o f t h re e w eeks. T h is m an ner o f p olic e in ve stig atio n r e su lt e d in 3 8 a rre sts .

A nd t h e g ove rn m en t, o f c o u rs e , w ou ld h ave --

P la in c lo th es. P la in c lo th es p eop le w ho w ou ld e n tr a p g ays. A nd t h ey w ou ld a rre st t h em . A nd o f c o u rs e , if y o u w ere a rre ste d , t h en t h ey

i m med ia te ly d em an d ed m on ey, w hic h y o u p aid in c a sh . O nly c a sh .

T h e T a lla h asse e P o lic e D ep artm en t is u sin g F lo rid a S ta te U niv e rs it y s tu d en ts a s in fo rm ers a g ain st h om ose xu als . T h e s tu d en ts g et

$ 10 a h ead e ve ry t im e o n e is a p pro a ch ed b y a s u sp ecte d s e x o ffe n d er.

P e op le d eve lo p ed c o d e s ig nals . Y o u ju st c a n 't w alk u p t o s o m eon e o n t h e s tr e et a n d s a y, d o y o u t h in k y o u 'r e g ay? O r c a n I t a ke

y o u o u t a n d s h ow y o u y o u 'r e g ay, o r w hate ve r? Y o u c a n 't d o t h at. S o t h ere w ere d if fe re n t c o d e s ig nals . P in ky r in g s w ere a b ig c o d e

s y m bol f o r w om en .

T h e p in ky r in g s w ere a w ay t o id en tif y y o u rs e lf s o t h at s o m eon e e ls e w ho k n ew t h at m ig ht t h en id en tif y t h em .

T h is is a la b ry s. It 's a d ou b le s id ed h atc h et. M an y w om en w ore la b ry se s t o le t e ach o th er k n ow w ho t h ey w ere . It w as lik e o u r lit tle

s o -c a lle d s e cre t h an d sh ake .

P in k f la m in g os in t h e y a rd w as a n in d ic a tio n s o m eon e m ig ht b e g ay. P e n g uin s w ere -- P e op le w ou ld w eave t h ese in to c o n ve rs a tio n ,

w hic h is f a sc in atin g t o t r y t o w eave a p en g uin in to y o u r n orm al c o n ve rs a tio n .

T h e h om ose xu al, b it te rly a w are o f h is r e je ctio n , r e sp on d s b y g oin g u nd erg ro u nd . T h ey f r e q uen t t h eir o w n c lu b s a n d b ars a n d

c o ffe e h ou se s w here t h ey c a n a ct o u t in t h e f a sh io n t h at t h ey w an t t o , w here t h ey c a n e sc a p e t h e d is a p pro vin g e ye o f t h e s o cie ty

t h at t h ey c a ll s tr a ig ht.

T h e b ar w as c a lle d t h e A m ber R oom , a n d w as in t h e b ase m en t u nd ern eath a g ay m en 's b ar in t h e h eart o f W ash in g to n , D C. A nd it

w as a v e ry in te re stin g p la ce . A t t h at p oin t in t im e, w om en 's c u lt u re w as v e ry m uch b utc h a n d f e m me, a n d y o u w ere id en tif ie d r ig ht

a w ay a n d h ad t o id en tif y r ig ht a w ay a s o n e o r t h e o th er. Y o u c o u ld n't b e a n yth in g t h at w as c o n fu sin g t o p eop le .

I t w as a m afia c o n necte d b ar. P o lic e w ou ld c o m e in , a n d t h e b arte n d er w ou ld h an d t h e p olic e t h e m on ey, a n d t h e p olic e w ou ld

l e ave .

A nd w e h ad a b ack r o om in t h e w om en 's b ar, w hic h w as w here y o u c o u ld d an ce . A nd t h en t h ere w ou ld b e a b uzze r u p sta ir s . T h is

w as a p olic e r a id c o m in g . T h ey'd h ave a b uzze r g o o ff, a n d e ve ry b od y w ou ld s c a tte r in to t h e f r o n t r o om t o t h eir t a b le s, lik e t h ey'd

n eve r b een in t h e b ack r o om d an cin g , b eca u se y o u w ere n 't a llo w ed t o d an ce .

I n t h e 1 960s, s o f a r a s I k n ew , C hic a g o g ay lif e w as a lm ost e xclu siv e ly u nd erg ro u nd . I m et p eop le in t h e m ost c a su al w ays-- in

p ub lic , b y w hate ve r f o rm o f c o m munic a tio n a g la n ce c a n d o. It 's v e ry d if fic u lt t o e xp la in . P e op le c a ll it g ayd ar.

T h ey u se d t h e t e rm b eca u se t h ey c o u ld s w it c h t h e r a d ar t o g ayd ar, O K?

O h, y e ah . W as t h at in t h e '5 0s o r '6 0s?

I t s ta rte d in t h e '5 0s, a n d c a m e a ll t h e w ay u p . It 's s till u se d t o d ay.

O h, it is .

Y e s.

T h e h ard p art a b ou t b ein g g ay in t h ose y e ars w as t h at a n yth in g t h at h ap pen ed t h at w as t e rrib le , if y o u b ro ke u p o r y o u h ad a f ig ht

w it h y o u r p artn er, y o u c o u ld n't t a lk t o a n yo n e a b ou t it . T h ere w as n o o n e in y o u r s tr a ig ht f r ie n d sh ip c ir c le t h at y o u c o u ld t a lk a b ou t

t h at w it h . Y o u c o u ld n't e ve n b e o u t w it h y o u r f r ie n d s. A t le ast I d id n't f e el lik e I c o u ld b e. A nd y o u d id n't g et t h at s o cia l s u p port. Y o u c o u ld n't

c a ll y o u r m oth er a n d s a y w e ju st b ro ke u p . I m ean , y o u ju st d on 't h ave a n yo n e, a n d t h at's a v e ry lo n ely f e elin g .

T h e w om en 's lib era tio n m ove m en t w as e m erg in g in t h e '6 0s, a n d t h at w as a v e ry in te re stin g d eve lo p m en t f o r le sb ia n

c o n sc io u sn ess a n d le sb ia n id en tit y . H is to ric a lly , t h e w om en 's m ove m en t in it ia lly s o m etim es d id n't a cce p t s e xu al d iv e rs it y . B ut t h en

t h e m ore r a d ic a l p arts o f t h e w om en 's m ove m en t s a id , h ey, t h is is w hat it 's a ll a b ou t. It 's a b ou t s e lf d ete rm in atio n o f o u r s e xu alit y .

I t 's a b ou t s e ein g g en d er a s n ot r e ally b ein g f ix e d .

J u st a s t h ere w as b la ck p rid e, t h ere s ta rte d t o b e g ay p rid e in t h e e arly '7 0s. A ctu ally , t h e p rid e m arc h es c a m e o u t o f t h e

c o m mem ora tio n o f t h e S to n ew all r io ts . S to n ew all w as a in G re en w ic h V illa g e, a n d a t t h e t im e w as a h an g ou t f o r d ra g q ueen s, g ay

m en , le sb ia n s, p eop le w ho liv e d in t h e V illa g e w ho w ere k in d o f o n t h e m arg in s o f lif e t h ere in m an y w ays. A nd t h e p olic e w ou ld

r a id it r e p eate d ly a n d s w eep u p t h e p eop le in t h e b ar.

T h is o n e d ay t h ey c a m e a n d , f o r w hate ve r r e aso n , p eop le s ta rte d r e sis tin g , a n d t h ey f o u g ht b ack . It t u rn ed in to a f u ll b lo w n s tr e et

r io t, a n d t h e r io t a ctu ally c o n tin ued f o r a c o u p le o f d ays. It w as r e ally t h e f ir s t t im e t h at g ay p eop le a n d d ra g q ueen s s to od u p a n d

s a id , n o, w e'r e n ot g oin g t o ju st b e p ush ed a ro u nd b eca u se o f w ho w e a re .

I t w as t h e b eg in nin g o f a lib era tio n t h at w as f o r s o m e, I'm s u re , n ot w elc o m ed , a n d f o r m ost, d efin it e ly w elc o m ed .

L a m bda R is in g w as a g ay b ooksto re in D up on t C ir c le , a n d t h e o w ners f o rm ed t h e f ir s t g ay p rid e m arc h . It w as f a ir ly s m all.

A nd it w as a ft e r t h e S to n ew all in cid en t.

Y e s, a ft e r S to n ew all.

T h at's w hen t h ey d ecid ed t o h ave it , t o r e n ew t h is id ea t h at w e h ave t o f ig ht f o r e q ualit y . W e w en t a n d w e s h ow ed t h at w e w ere

n ot a fr a id t o s a y w e w ere g ay o r g ay f r ie n d ly b y w alk in g in t h at p ara d e.

I n t h e '7 0s, y o u s a w t h e d eve lo p m en t o f le sb ia n , g ay, b is e xu al, a n d t h e b eg in nin g s o f a t r a n sg en d er id en tit y . T h at's w hen I c a m e

o u t, in c o lle g e, in a n d '7 5 t o '7 9. P e op le w ere w rit in g m an if e sto s lik e

Th e

Wom an

Id en tif ie d

Wom an .

I m ean , w hat is a le sb ia n ?

S he's a w om an id en tif ie d w om an , a s o p pose d t o a p atr ia rc h ally id en tif ie d w om an .

T h e '7 0s w ere v e ry e xcit in g . T h at w as t h e f u n, t o g o t o t h e D uch ess, w hic h w as a b ar, a n d s it r ig ht a t t h e e d ge o f t h e b ar a n d w atc h

a ll t h ese le sb ia n s c o m e in . T h is w as ju st jo y. C on nie c o u ld g o d an ce w it h w hoe ve r s h e w an te d t o d an ce w it h , a n d I c o u ld s e e a ll

t h ese le sb ia n s.

A t t h e d oor o f t h e D uch ess, t h ere w ere t h ese t w o b lo n d es w ho t o ok t ic k e ts . S o I m ad e u p t h at t h ey w ere t h e o w ner's w if e a n d h er

f r ie n d , a n d I g o o ve r t o h er lik e I'm a b ou t f o u r a n d a h alf , a n d I lo ok a t h er a n d I s a id t o h er, y o u 'r e a le sb ia n ? A nd s h e w as f r ie n d s

t o d ay. S till t o d ay, b eca u se s h e g ot h yste ric a l.

S he w as a lw ays a le sb ia n . A s s o on a s s h e c a m e t h ro u g h t h e w om b, s h e k n ew t h at s h e w as a le sb ia n . B ut m y e xp erie n ce o f a

l e sb ia n w as a w om an w ho w an te d t o b e a m an , a n d it 's n ot s o . S o e ve ry t im e I s a w a d if fe re n t k in d o f le sb ia n , it w as v e ry e xcit in g

t o m e.

S cie n tis ts a t t h e N atio n al C en te r f o r D is e ase C on tr o l in A tla n ta t o d ay r e le ase d t h e r e su lt s o f a s tu d y w hic h s h ow s t h at t h e lif e sty le

o f s o m e m ale h om ose xu als h as t r ig gere d a n e p id em ic o f a r a re f o rm o f c a n ce r.

F e d era l h ealt h o ffic ia ls c o n sid er it a n e p id em ic . Y e t y o u r a re ly h ear a t h in g a b ou t it . I t is s p re ad in g a t a n a la rm in g r a te .

T h ere is n 't e ve n a t e st f o r t h is d is e ase , a n d t h ere a re n o w arn in g s ig ns.

A nd m ost f r ig hte n in g , t h e p ossib ilit y t h at t h e v ir u s c a n b e t r a n sm it te d f r o m p ers o n t o p ers o n -- v ir tu ally a c o n ta g io u s f o rm o f

c a n ce r.

M ost o f t h e c o u ntr y d oe sn 't k n ow a b ou t t h is c a n ce r.

W hy?

W ell, I t h in k it 's b eca u se it 's a g ay c a n ce r.

I t is a r a ce a g ain st t im e. H ow lo n g b efo re h e a n d o th ers w ho h ave t h is d is e ase f in ally h ave a n sw ers ?

I lo st a lo t o f f r ie n d s. I lo st a y o u ng f r ie n d . H e w as 2 5 in 1 982. H e w as o n e o f t h e v e ry f ir s t v ic tim s o f p neu m ocy stis , a n d w e w ere

j u st r o ck e d .

I r e m em ber t h e f ir s t p ers o n I k n ew t o d ie o f w as b ein g c a lle d a s tr a n g e f o rm o f c a n ce r. T h is p ers o n I k n ew a ll o f a s u d den w as n ot

g oin g t o w ork a n ym ore , a n d t h en v e ry s h ortly h e w as d ead .

P e op le t o d ay, e ve n g ay p eop le t o d ay, h ave n o s e n se o f w hat it w as lik e in t h ose p an ic k y m om en ts in t h e e arly '8 0s w hen o u r

f r ie n d s w ere b eco m in g g hosts , d yin g h orrib le , h orrib le d eath s. W e a ll t h ou g ht t h at p ote n tia lly w e m ig ht h ave t h e v ir u s w it h in u s.

T h ey c o u ld n't e ve n t e st in t h e e arly d ays. E ve ry b od y t h ou g ht t h at h e w as h ead in g f o r t h at t e rrib le d eath .

A nyo n e m y a g e w ho g re w u p , w ho c a m e o f a g e s e xu ally in t h e '8 0s a n d e arly '9 0s, t h ou g ht t h at t h ey w ere d efin it e ly g oin g t o d ie .

W e w ou ld c a ll e ach o th er a n d s a y, I h ave a b ru is e . I h ave a s c a b .

I g ot a n H IV t e st e ve ry s ix m on th s, a n d s o I r e m em ber w hen S te ve a n d I f ir s t m et, a n d w e h ad t h ose g re at f ir s t f e w m on th s

t o g eth er, I s a id , o h , I'm d oin g t h is H IV t e st. L e t's b oth g et o u r t e sts , a n d t h en w e'l l g o o ff a n d liv e h ap pily e ve r a ft e r. A nd I w en t in

f o r m y r e su lt s , a n d I w as O K. A nd t h en M ark F le m in g c o m es o u t. H e w as t h e c o u nse lo r. A nd I c o u ld ju st s e e t h e lo ok o n h is f a ce ,

a n d it w as lik e , o h m y g od .

S o w e s a t d ow n, a n d h e lo oke d a t S te ve , a n d s a id , y o u 'r e p osit iv e . A nd it w as lik e , o h m y G od . H ere it is .

T h e g ove rn m en t w as ig norin g u s c o m ple te ly . A nd t h e o n ly p osit iv e t h in g I c a n p ossib ly t h in k a b ou t it w as t h e w ay in w hic h it

f o rc e d t h e p ub lic t o lo ok a t p eop le t h at t h ey n eve r im ag in ed w as g ay.

I d ecid ed t h at I h ad t o g et in vo lv e d . T h ere w asn 't a n yth in g t o h elp p eop le d o e xce p t d ie w ell. M y p artn er a n d I b oth w an te d t o d o

t h e t h era p y t o h elp p eop le d o t h at, a n d w e d id . B ut it a ls o m ean t t h at if I w as g oin g t o c o m e o u t o f t h e c lo se t in t h e jo b t h at I h ad ,

t h ere w ere g oin g t o b e le sb ia n s a ll a cro ss t h e c o u ntr y , b eca u se le sb ia n s w ere v e ry m uch a p art o f t h e h ealt h le ad ers h ip t h at w ou ld

b e c o m in g o u t.

A nd t h at's e xa ctly w hat h ap pen ed . It w as le sb ia n s a ll a cro ss t h e c o u ntr y w ho c a m e o u t, b eca u se n um ber o n e, t h e m en c o u ld o n ly

d o s o m uch b efo re t h ey g ot s ic k a n d d ie d . S o t h e m ale le ad ers h ip , in c o n tr a st t o m ost m ove m en ts , w hic h h ave b een d om in ate d b y

m ale le ad ers h ip , a n d w om en h ave k in d o f b een t h ere , b ut t h e m en h ad b een t h e le ad ers -- v e ry q uic k ly , t h e le sb ia n s b eca m e t h e

l e ad ers , b eca u se t h e m en w ho'd s ta rte d d ie d .

I n t h e c o u rs e o f m ayb e f o u r m on th s, S te ve w en t f r o m 1 85 t o m ayb e 1 40. It ju st h ap pen ed s o f a st. It ju st h ap pen ed s o f a st. A nd

t h en h e w as g on e. I f I'm o n e o f t h ose t h at g et t o s u rv iv e t h e c u re , t h en it 's lo n g tim e c o m pan io n t im e, a n d I g et t o liv e . It 's e it h er g oin g t o e n d t h at w ay

f o r m e, o r I ju st f a d e a w ay.

T h e w ors t t im e f o r m e w as '9 1, w hen in o n e t w o w eek p erio d , I w en t t o 1 0 f u nera ls a n d m em oria l s e rv ic e s o f p eop le t h at I k n ew .

O ur g ro u p o f p sy ch olo g is ts t h at t r a in ed t o g eth er, w e h ad a s u p port g ro u p . S o w e m et e ve ry m on th t o h elp e ach o th er a n d s u p port

e ach o th er t h ro u g h a ll t h is .

T h re e o f t h ose g uys w ere p osit iv e , a n d t h ey h ad t o a ctu ally w atc h t h eir f u tu re p la y o u t f o r t h em . S o t h ey w ou ld s ta rt w it h t h ese

c lie n ts w ho w ere n 't s o s ic k y e t, a n d t h en t h ey'd w atc h t h em g o t h ro u g h a ll t h ese s ta g es o f d ete rio ra tio n , a n d t h ey w ou ld k n ow t h at

t h ey w ere g oin g t o g o t h ro u g h t h at s a m e p ath . A nd T h at w as v e ry h ard .

O f t h at w hole g ro u p , w e h ad m ayb e 1 8 p eop le t h at c a m e t h ro u g h it . T h e t o ta ls o f t h era p is ts , t h ere a re o n ly t h re e o f u s liv in g t h at I

k n ow o f, a n d w e'r e a ll le sb ia n s. A ll t h e m en d ie d .

I t w as a m om en t in w hic h w e s a w t h e t r u e lo ve a n d s a crif ic e o f t h e le sb ia n c o m munit y . T h e c u lt u re h ad b een k in d o f s e p ara tis t u p

t o t h at p oin t. W om en o ve r in t h is c o rn er, a n d m en o ve r in t h is c o rn er. A nd w om en c a m e f o rw ard in s c o re s t o c a re f o r d yin g g ay

m en , a n d , y o u k n ow , it m ad e a d if fe re n ce .

I t 's m ore t h at I f e el v e ry p riv ile g ed t h at I w as h ere a n d h ad t h e s k ills t o h elp a t a t im e w hen t h ere w as n o o n e e ls e h elp in g . A lo t o f

p eop le f o rg et t h at n o o n e w ou ld e ve n g o n ear t h ese k id s. N o o n e w ou ld g iv e t h em a b la n ke t. N o o n e w ou ld t a ke t h em a f o od t r a y.

P e op le w ere s o f r ig hte n ed , a n d t h ey a ls o w ere s o a n g ry a b ou t p eop le b ein g g ay. A nd t o c o m e t o a t im e a n d h ave b een in a p la ce

w here I c o u ld h elp a n d h ave h elp ed s o m e o f t h ose p eop le I w ou ld lik e t o t h in k m ake a t r a n sit io n t o a b ette r p la ce , t h at w as a g if t .

T h is is t h e o n ly f e at, I t h in k, t h at e ve r t u rn ed s u ch in cre d ib le t r a g ed y a n d m ad e s o m e b eau tif u l t h in g s o u t o f it . N ot ju st t h e q uilt ,

a n d n ot ju st t h e b on d s t h at f o rm ed b etw een p eop le , b ut t h e p olit ic a l c h an g e, t o o. I m ean , s o m eh ow , o u t o f a ll t h at d eath a n d g rie f

a n d d yin g , s o m eth in g w on d erfu l e m erg ed .

Y o u s a w a n oth er e xp lo sio n in g ro w th a n d in te n sit y in t h e g ay a n d le sb ia n m ove m en t. A nd t h at m ob iliz a tio n w as lik e a s e a c h an g e

i n t h e o rg an iz a tio n al s tr u ctu re , t h e f in an cia l s tr u ctu re o f t h e g ay m ove m en t. T o n s m ore p eop le c a m e o u t o f t h e c lo se t. M ore m on ey

f lo w ed in to g ay o rg an iz a tio n s. N ew o rg an iz a tio n s w ere c re ate d . W e e sta b lis h ed lo b bie s in W ash in g to n a n d m ad e t h in g s h ap pen .

S o t h ese a re t h e p ills t h at I t a ke o n ce a d ay. T h ere a re f o u r p ills . F o r m e, H IV is ju st a v ir u s, b ut it 's t in y, a n d it d oe sn 't h ave

e ve ry th in g t h at I h ave t o c o m bat it . I h ave a m in d , I h ave a s o u l, I h ave a h eart, I h ave a b od y. I c a n p ut a ll o f t h ose t h in g s

t o g eth er t o c o m bat a n d t o t r iu m ph o ve r H IV .

I e ve n w rit e H IV in s m all c a p s, b eca u se I d on 't w an t t o g iv e it p ow er-- a n y k in d o f p ow er o ve r m y lif e . A nd I m ust s a y t h at if I h ad n't

b een H IV , I w ou ld n't b e d oin g t h is w ork , b eca u se H IV t a u g ht m e t h at t h ere w as a f in alit y o f lif e . It 's lik e a r e m in d er t h at it w ill

h ap pen e ve n tu ally , s o w e n eed t o liv e o u r liv e s in a w ay t h at w hat w e'r e d oin g h as a n im pact.

I h ave a lw ays b elie ve d , a s a le sb ia n , e ve n lo n g a g o, t h at t h ose o f u s in t h e c o m munit y w ho c o u ld b e o u t h ad t o b e. It w as

i m pera tiv e t h at w e b e o u t, t h at w e d o s p eakin g e n g ag em en ts , t h at w e r e ach o u t t o o th er p eop le , t h at w e t e ll o th er p eop le a n d

a ck n ow le d ge o u r b ein g , a ck n ow le d ge a ll o f o u rs e lv e s in f r o n t o f o th er p eop le , a n d le t t h em k n ow u s a n d le t t h em s e e u s, t o b re ak

d ow n t h e b arrie rs , t o b re ak d ow n t h e f e ar, t o b re ak d ow n t h e ig nora n ce . I f e el f o r p eop le w ho h ave t o o ve rc o m e t h ose le sso n s a n d

t h ose m essa g es o f b ein g w ro n g , o f b ein g s in ners , o f b ein g s ic k , o f b ein g r e je cte d b y t h ose w ho lo ve t h em . I lo ok b ack a t m e a n d n o o n e w ou ld p ro b ab ly e ve r b elie ve , if t h ey s a w m y p ro m p ic tu re , t h at t h at w as m e. A nd I lo ok b ack a n d I

t h in k h ow u nco m fo rta b le a n d h ow u nhap py I w as d urin g p ro m . A nd t h en I s ta rt t h in kin g , I'm n ot t h e o n ly o n e. I'm n ot t h e o n ly o n e

t h at e it h er w en t w it h s o m eon e t h at t h ey c o u ld c a re le ss a b ou t o r t h ey d id n't g o b eca u se o f w ho t h ey w ere , o r t h ey w ere o str a ciz e d

f r o m t h e a ctu al s c h ool o r t h e e ve n t b eca u se t h ey w ere g ay.

I s ta rte d d oin g C ap it a l Q ueer P ro m , w hic h is a s e co n d c h an ce p ro m f o r t h e g ay a n d le sb ia n c o m munit y . A nd I n eve r t h ou g ht it

w ou ld e ve r t a ke o ff t h e w ay t h at it 's t a ke n o ff. I h ear s o m an y a m azin g s to rie s. A nd h on estly , t h at's h ow I g et o ff. I g et o ff o n

m akin g a d if fe re n ce in o th er p eop le 's liv e s.

W e'r e w ork in g o n d octo rs ' o ffic e s in t h eir f o rm s t o h ave t h e b ox, n ot s in g le , n ot w id ow ed , n ot m arrie d , b ut t o h ave a s ig nif ic a n t b ox

t h at id en tif ie s s a m e g en d er r e la tio n sh ip s.

N urs in g h om es. W e'r e w ork in g w it h t h e n urs in g h om e in o u r n eig hb orh ood s o t h at t h ey h ave a w ork sh op f o r t h e e m plo ye es a n d

t h e r e sid en ts o n w hat it m ean s t o b e g ay a n d le sb ia n , b eca u se g ay a n d le sb ia n s g o t o n urs in g h om es, a n d t h ey s till m ay h ear t h e

s a m e--

S nid e r e m ark s.

L e t's s a y o ve r t h e n ext 1 0 y e ars , w e w in e q ual m arria g e r ig hts a t t h e f e d era l le ve l. W e h ave a f e d era l la w t h at s a ys it 's ille g al t o

d is c rim in ate o n t h e b asis o f e m plo ym en t. A re w e a ll ju st g oin g t o d ecla re v ic to ry a n d s a y t h e s tr u g gle is o ve r a n d it 's w on ?

A nd I w ou ld s u b m it t h at w e c a n 't , b eca u se t h ere a re p arts o f o u r c o m munit y t h at a re n 't p ic k e d u p in a ll o f t h ose c h an g es f o r w hom

h ow r a ce a ffe cts t h eir liv e s is a s im porta n t a s h ow s e xu alit y is a ffe ctin g t h eir liv e s, f o r w hom t h e s tr u g gle f o r s u rv iv a l is in tim ate ly

l in ke d w it h b ein g g ay.

W e a ctu ally h ave m ad e a t r e m en d ou s a m ou nt o f p ro g re ss, a n d t h ere a re r ig hts t h at e xis t f o r g ay, le sb ia n , a n d b is e xu al p eop le a n d

f o r p eop le in s a m e s e x c o u p le s n ow t h at w ou ld h ave b een u nim ag in ab le 1 5 y e ars a g o.

I f y o u h ad t o ld m e 1 5 y e ars a g o t h at w e w ou ld h ave m arria g e e q ualit y in a n y s ta te a t a ll, I w ou ld h ave la u g hed . A nd if y o u t o ld m e

t h at t h ere w ou ld b e s ta te s t h at p re ve n t d is c rim in atio n a g ain st p eop le b eca u se o f t h eir g en d er id en tit y a n d e xp re ssio n , I d on 't t h in k

I w ou ld h ave b elie ve d y o u .

I t 's f u nny, b eca u se t h e c h an g e is h ap pen in g v e ry q uic k ly h is to ric a lly , a n d I c a n s to p in t h e p re se n t a n d f e el r e ally f r u str a te d t h at

t h in g s h ave n 't c h an g ed e n ou g h. W here is t h e c h an g e? B ut t h en if I p ull b ack m y le n s a lit tle b it a n d I lo ok o ve r a d eca d e, I lo ok

o ve r 2 0 y e ars , t h en I s e e t h at w e r e ally h ave m ad e a t r e m en d ou s a m ou nt o f p ro g re ss, a n d t h in g s a re g oin g in a g re at d ir e ctio n .

I t h in k if p eop le w ou ld r e ad t h e C on stit u tio n , t h en t h ey w ou ld b e m ore s u p portiv e o f e q ual r ig hts f o r a ll o f it s c it iz e n s, in clu d in g

g ay, le sb ia n , b is e xu al, a n d t r a n sg en d er p eop le . T h e C on stit u tio n is a n a m azin g d ocu m en t. I ju st w an t t o m ake s u re t h at p eop le

u nd ers ta n d t h at it a p plie s t o m e, t o o.

F o r t h is m orn in g , I a m p ro u d t o s ig n a la w t h at w ill b rin g a n e n d t o D on 't A sk , D on 't T e ll. T h is is d on e.

W it h t h is r in g I t h ee w ed .

I n ow p ro n ou nce y o u w ed ded s p ou se s.

C on g ra tu la tio n s, lo n g lif e , m uch h ap pin ess.

T h an k y o u . M y p le asu re in d eed . O K, g ood .

[ A PPLA U SE]

T h an k y o u s o m uch .

I 'm g on na c ry .

I k n ew y o u 'd c ry . T h an k y o u s o m uch . T h an k y o u .

W e'v e b een t o g eth er 2 2 y e ars .

I 'm s o h ap py f o r y o u b oth . T h at's w on d erfu l.

T h e s c a le s f e ll f r o m m y e ye s w hen I m ove d t o S an F ra n cis c o a n d d is c o ve re d w hat a s im ple , b eau tif u l t h in g it w as t o lo ve a n oth er

p ers o n . A nd t o f e el t h at in m y h eart, t h at s e n se o f c o m ple tio n , w hen y o u 'r e w it h s o m eb od y t h at y o u c a re a b ou t.

H ow c a n lit tle k id s n in e y e ars o ld k n ow h ow t o u se t h is , a n d I h ave a p ro b le m ?

R ub y c a lls m e a t le ast t w o t o t h re e t im es a d ay if s h e's o u t, a n d t h en I h ave a p hra se t h at, w hen I'm f in is h ed t a lk in g , I s a y " s o s a y

g ood bye ," a n d I'm d on e. I h an g u p t h e p hon e. A nd s h e'l l s a y, n o, I n eed t o t a lk w it h y o u .

I s a ys, y o u 'r e c o m in g a ro u nd t h e c o rn er. Y o u 'l l b e h om e a n y-- s e e, t h ere 's n ot o n ly jo y. T h ere 's a n t h e e n jo ym en t o f e ach o th er's

c o m pan y.

A nd I lo ve t h is .

I t w as a n d is t h e h ap pie st t im e o f m y lif e . Y o u k n ow h ow p eop le s a y I'v e a rriv e d ? I f e el t h at I a m a s o p en a s a b ook.

W hen I f ir s t s e e A sh le y, it g iv e s m e t h is f e elin g in m y s to m ach , lik e b utte rflie s in y o u r s to m ach .

W hat I r e ally lik e a b ou t S am is h ow o u tg oin g s h e is . S he a lw ays k e ep s m y m in d g oin g . S he a lw ays w an ts t o d o s o m eth in g n ew .

W e'r e ju st a h ap py c o u p le .

I w an t t o h ave t h e w hit e p ic k e t f e n ce t o o, a n d I w an t t o h ave k id s, a n d I w an t t o c o m e o u t o f m y h ou se a n d h old m y b oyfr ie n d 's

h an d , a n d n ob od y lo ok a t u s w eir d , a n d m y k id s g ro w u p in a r e g ula r e n vir o n m en t a n d f e el a t h om e a n yw here in A m eric a t h at I

a m . N ot ju st t h e n eig hb orh ood t h at I'm liv in g in . A nd I w an t t o ju st liv e lik e e ve ry o n e e ls e is .

T h e n ext t im e I f a ll in lo ve -- a n d it 's h ard t o f a ll in lo ve , b y t h e w ay. I m ean , y o u f a ll in lo ve a f e w t im es in y o u r lif e . A nd I m ean lo ve

l o ve .

B ut w hen I f a ll in lo ve -lo ve n ext, I'm s u re t h at I'm g oin g t o b e lik e , s c re w t h is . I w an t t o g et m arrie d o n m y p are n ts ' la w n in S ain t

L o u is . S o t h is n eed s t o h ap pen . I k n ow I w ill h ave a n e ve n m ore p assio n ate f ir e in m y b elly a b ou t it w hen it h ap pen s t o m e.

S he's g oin g t o b e t h e g ir l t h at I m arry . W e d o p la n o n g ettin g m arrie d s o m etim e in t h e n ear f u tu re . I m ean , w e w an t t o h ave k id s,

t o o.

I d on 't s m ell t h e o n io n s.

I t 's c o m in g , it 's c o m in g , it 's c o m in g . I 'v e id en tif ie d m yse lf a s a c u lin ary Je w . M y b ein g Je w is h , t h is t im e o f t h e y e ar, is w on d erfu l. I m ake la tk e s.

O h, t h at's lo okin g g ood , R uth ie .

O h, t h ey'r e g org eou s lo okin g . Y o u d id a g ood jo b . T h ey'r e e ve n r ig ht. T h ey lo ok s o f r e sh .

I f y o u d on 't g et o u t o f h ere , I'l l g iv e y o u s o m eth in g f r e sh .

R uth ie is m y lif e 's p artn er. S he h as t o p ut u p w it h c le an in g t h e s to ve o f t h e o il t h at I u se .

I 'm s o g la d t h at s h e s a id t h at.

N ow , if t h at's n ot lo ve , I d on 't k n ow w hat t h at is , a ll r ig ht? W hen I q uilt , a n d o n ce in a w hile , y o u h ear a s c re am o u t o f h er m ou th

b eca u se o n e o f t h e p in s f e ll o n t h e f lo or a n d s h e s te p ped o n it -- if s h e's a b le t o p ut u p w it h t h at, if t h at's n ot lo ve , I d on 't k n ow w hat

i t is .

G o a h ead . It 's a [ IN AU D IB LE ] la tk e .

I t 's a [ IN AU D IB LE ] la tk e .

E ve ry o n ce in a w hile , y o u t h in k, d o I w an t t o g o t o m y o ld a g e a n d m y g ra ve a lo n ely a n d a s o lit a ry b ein g ? A nd y o u s a y, I'd lik e

s o m e c o m pan y. I'd lik e t o f in d s o m eb od y w ho lik e s m e a n d w hom I c o u ld lik e .

B ut I'm n ot o b se sse d b y t h at. A nd I d on 't m in d t h e s o lit a ry lif e . A nd I d on 't f e el d ep riv e d .

I f e el h ap py t h at I h ave b een a b le t o c a rv e o u t a n in d ustr y w hic h t a ke s s e xu alit y s e rio u sly , w hic h t a ke s t h e B ib le s e rio u sly , a n d in

w hic h I a m a llo w ed t o b e t a ke n s e rio u sly in a ll o f m y c o m ple xit y . F u nd am en ta lly , I a m f u lf ille d , I'm h ap py, I'm d oin g , I b elie ve , w hat

G od h as c a lle d m e t o d o, a n d I t h in k I'm d oin g it r e aso n ab ly w ell.

W hen t h e S up re m e C ou rt in M assa ch use tts r u le d t h at m arria g e w as le g al, t h ey g ave t h e le g is la tu re s ix m on th s t o w ork o u t t h e

d eta ils . S o w e h ad s ix m on th s t o d ecid e w hat t o d o b efo re t h e f ir s t d ay o f m arria g e, a n d I ju st t o ok it f o r g ra n te d t h at s h e w ou ld

a sk m e. I d on 't k n ow w hy, b ut I d id . S o I w ait e d , a n d I w ait e d , a n d I w ait e d , a n d I w ait e d , a n d n oth in g h ap pen ed .

A nd s o o n e m orn in g , v e ry e arly in t h e m orn in g , I s e t u p t h is w hole s tr e am o f o b je cts le ad in g f r o m h er c o ffe e m ake r o u t t h e b ack

d oor, d ow n t h e s ta ir s , in to t h e y a rd . A nd t h en in t h e b ack y a rd , I h ad p ut t h is b eau tif u l b lu e b ow l, a n d in sid e t h e b ow l, I p ut a lit tle

n ote t h at s a id , " P e g , w ill y o u m arry m e?" A nd s o a t t h e c ra ck o f 1 0:0 0, w hic h is a b ou t w hen s h e g ets u p , s h e lu rc h ed d ow n t h e

s ta ir s a n d s h e s a w t h e t r a il o f s tr a n g e o b je cts , a n d s h e f o llo w ed t h em o u t t h e d oor, a n d s h e w en t in to t h e b ack y a rd , a n d I f o llo w ed

h er. A nd s h e lo oke d a t it a n d s h e ju st lo oke d a t m e a n d s h e s a id , " Y e s."

T h ere y o u g o, m y s w eet.

W e'v e h ad a g ood lif e .

C heers .

W e r e ally e n jo y e ach o th er, a n d w e s till lo ve e ach o th er, w hic h is r a re in m ost c a se s. I t h in k t h at's t h e p ro b le m . M ost p eop le d on 't

l ik e e ach o th er a ft e r s o m an y y e ars .

I r e ally f e el t h at t h e t im e h as s o rt o f z ip ped b y, b ut it f e els lik e t h e f ir s t f iv e y e ars o f o u r r e la tio n sh ip . It ju st g ets b ette r.

I 'm h ung ry . S o a m I.

N ow , h ow d id y o u s e le ct t h is ?

I lo oke d a t it a n d s a id , o h , m y g ood ness. T h ey'r e w om en !

T h ey'r e w om en . S o y o u lik e t h ese w om en t o g eth er.

T h at's e xa ctly w hat I lik e .

I t h in k s h e m ig ht b e o u t.

Y o u g ot it .

H ow lo n g h ave y o u k n ow n y o u 'r e a le sb ia n ?

I 'v e k n ow n I'm a le sb ia n f o r a b ou t 4 2 y e ars .

4 2 y e ars . S o y o u c a m e o u t in y o u r 3 0s, I'm g uessin g , r ig ht?

N o.

N o? W hen d id y o u c o m e o u t?

I c a m e o u t a t 1 8.

O h, a t 1 8.

I 'm m arrie d .

Y o u 'r e m arrie d ? W here 's y o u r p artn er? Y o u r w if e ? W here is s h e? Is s h e h ere ?

R ig ht h ere .

W e w ere c o u p le n um ber 1 0.

I t h in k t h at's g re at. C an w e g iv e t h em a h an d ? C an w e g iv e t h em a -- is n 't t h at f a n ta stic , c o u p le n um ber 1 0?

M ajo r f u nd in g f o r O ut In A m eric a w as p ro vid ed b y T h e F o rd F o u nd atio n , G old m an S ach s G iv e s, T h e H . V an A m erin g en F o u nd atio n ,

T h e H erm in e a n d D avid H elle r F o u nd atio n , T h e D ou b le H F o u nd atio n , A llis o n G ro ve r a n d S usie S ch er, a n d o th ers . A c o m ple te lis t is

a va ila b le f r o m P B S.

E xp lo re n ew w orld s a n d n ew id eas t h ro u g h p ro g ra m s lik e t h is , m ad e a va ila b le f o r e ve ry o n e, t h ro u g h c o n tr ib utio n s t o y o u r P B S

s ta tio n f r o m v ie w ers lik e y o u . T h an k y o u .

B e m ore . P B S. C

S o t h is a s a jo u rn al t h at I w ro te , a n d it 's g re at. L o ok, T h e E u ro p ean A dve n tu re . A nd I s ta rte d w rit in g it in A ug ust 2 3rd o f 1 988, a n d

i t w en t u ntil D ece m ber o f 1 988, O K? A nd t h is is m y jo u rn al o f m y t im e in E u ro p e a n d c o m in g o u t t o m y f ir s t f r ie n d , a n d d atin g a

g uy f r o m P a ris , a n d ju st-- t h is w as m y E u ro p ean a d ve n tu re , a n d m y f ir s t a d ve n tu re .

A nd s o I g uess o n t h e p la n e r id e h om e o n D ece m ber 1 7th , 1 988, I w ro te s o m eth in g t h at I w ou nd u p r e ad in g t o p eop le w hen I c a m e

o u t t o t h em , b eca u se it w as k in d o f e ve ry th in g t h at I w an te d t o s a y w hen I c a m e o u t. It s a ys-- O n t h e p la n e h om e. W ell, t h is is it . E ve n t h ou g h t h is p ro g ra m a n d p hase o f m y lif e is o ve r, I r e ally a m w alk in g in to a w hole n ew

b eg in nin g a rm ed w it h a n ew id en tit y . I'm g oin g t o p eg m y f r ie n d s w it h a b it o f u nfo rg etta b le k n ow le d ge a b ou t m e. I'm s c a re d . I'm

s c a re d t o t e ll t h em , a n d I'm a fr a id o f h ow t h ey w ill r e act. I n eed t o e sta b lis h w hat t h ey a lr e ad y k n ow o r s u sp ect.

O h, s e e, t h is is a ls o k in d o f a le tte r t o m yse lf . It s e em s lik e a lit tle b it o f a g uid e f o r m yse lf .

I t c o u ld b e q uit e e asy . I d on 't k n ow . I'd lik e t o t e ll t h em in t h e e asie st w ay p ossib le , b ut I d on 't t h in k t h ere is a n e asy w ay.

I 'v e k n ow n I w as g ay f o r a s lo n g a s I'v e h ad a s e xu al id en tit y . I k n ew I w as n ot a b norm al, b ut t h at I h ad t o m ake a c h oic e a s t o

w heth er I c ra ve d a cce p ta n ce o r f u ll in d iv id ualit y . I c h ose a cce p ta n ce o u t o f b asic s o cia l n eed s. I d ecid ed t o t r y t o s u p pre ss m y

f e elin g s f o r o th er m en in h op es t h at b y t h in kin g h ete ro se xu al, I w ou ld ju st s o rt o f b eco m e o n e.

I t o b vio u sly d id n't h ap pen , a n d n o o n e c a n b eg in t o im ag in e t h e p ain a n d h urt t h at lu rk e d d eep w it h in m e w hen I w ou ld h ear a ll o f

m y f r ie n d s-- p eop le t h at I lo ve d a n d r e sp ecte d -- d erid in g d ays a n d h om ose xu als . T h is h ap pen ed d aily . I liv e d t w o liv e s. T h e in ner

s e lf o ft e n o ve rro d e m e, a n d I b eca m e o ve rc o m e w it h d ep re ssio n , f e ar, a n d s e lf h atr e d .

I w as b orn h om ose xu al. I d id n ot c h oose t o b e g ay. I d id n ot h ave a c h oic e .

I w on d ere d h ow I w as e ve r g oin g t o liv e w it h m yse lf . I w as c o n vin ce d t h at n o o n e w ou ld a cce p t m e, a n d I w ou ld n't g et a n yw here in

t h e w orld if e ve ry o n e k n ew I w as g ay. A nd w hat w ou ld I d o o th erw is e ? T h e o th er c h oic e , o f c o u rs e , w ou ld p ro b ab ly b e w ors e --

s u p pre ssin g m y f e elin g s a lt o g eth er in h op es o f le ad in g a n orm al lif e . A w if e a n d k id s w ou ld g iv e m e a k e y t o t h e w orld , b ut w ou ld

a ls o b rin g m e f u rth er in to h id in g , a n d I w ou ld d o t h in g s c o m ple te ly o u t o f m y c o n tr o l.

T h is is p re tty p re sc ie n t f o r a 1 9-y e ar-o ld .

W hen y o u h ave t h is f e elin g t h at y o u d on 't t h in k y o u c a n a ct u p on , it is c ru sh in g . I t r ie d , t h ou g h. I w an te d s o b ad t o h ave a

g ir lf r ie n d in h ig h s c h ool, o r a t le ast f o ol a ro u nd lik e e ve ry o n e d id . I d id n't , b eca u se it w as a lie .

T h e in te n sit y a n d d esir e is n ot p re se n t w it h w om en a s s tr o n g a s I c a n f e el it f o r a n oth er m an . I d on 't u nd ers ta n d w hy I f e el t h is

w ay. I d is c o u nt t h eorie s o f h om ose xu alit y a s a r e fle ctio n o f u p brin g in g , i. e . A bse n ce o f a f a th er f ig ure , b eca u se D ad s p en t m y

w hole c h ild hood w it h m e. It 's ju st s o m eth in g I k n ow a b ou t m yse lf .

I r e m em ber o n e S und ay in e ig hth g ra d e, I w en t o ve r t o Ja ck ie 's t o p la y A ta ri w it h h er. H er m om g ave m e a r id e t o G la ze rs , a n d s h e

a n d Ja ck ie w ere w ait in g f o r t h e lig ht t o c h an g e, a n d I w as s ta n d in g o n t h e c o rn er w ait in g t o c ro ss t h e s tr e et. I w as le an in g o n t h e

l a m ppost in a n u nm asc u lin e w ay, a n d I lo oke d o ve r a t t h e c a r. Ja ck ie lo oke d a t m e a n d t u rn ed t o h er m om a n d s a id s o m eth in g .

T h ey b oth b eg an la u g hin g .

I w alk e d o ve r t o t h e c a r a n d a sk e d Ja ck ie w hat w as s o f u nny. S he d id n't w an t t o a n sw er, b ut h esit a n tly r e sp on d ed , " I t h in k t h at

w hen y o u g ro w u p , y o u 'r e g oin g t o b e a h om ose xu al. " T h e lig ht t u rn ed , a n d I r e aliz e d t h at it w as t r u e, a n d I b eca m e o ve rc o m e w it h

a n g er t h at I h ad t o d eal w it h t h is -- t h at m y lif e w as d estin ed t o b e h id den a n d s e cre t.

I d id n't b la m e Ja ck ie . I f o u nd it p re tty in tu it iv e o f h er t o s a y it . I k n ew w e'd b e f r ie n d s f o re ve r. B ut I c rie d a n d c rie d .

I d id n't t h in k t h at t h ere w ou ld e ve r b e a t im e w hen I w as c o m fo rta b le w it h m y s e xu alit y . T h at's t h e r e aso n I d id n't t e ll a n y o f m y

f r ie n d s. It w as n eve r t h e r ig ht t im e, a n d I w an te d t o s p are u s b oth t h e g rie f. I w as s c a re d b y h ow t h ey w ou ld r e sp on d , a n d I w as

j u st u nsu re . I h ad a lo t o f d ep re ssin g t im es a t B osto n U t r y in g t o h id e a n d c o n tin ue liv in g a lie t o p eop le w ho I r e ally lo ve d . I c a n 't s a y t h e

a m ou nt o f t e ars I c rie d ju st b eca u se I d id n't k n ow w hat t o d o. W hen I g ot r e ally d ow n, I ju st w ou ld t e ll m yse lf t h at I w as s tr o n g --

s tr o n g er t h an a n yb od y, b eca u se I h ad g otte n t h is f a r, a n d I w as O K a n d w ell lik e d .

S op hom ore y e ar a t B U , I m an ag ed t o ju g gle a b oyfr ie n d f o r a f e w w eeks a n d a f e w c la n d estin e b ar o u tin g s w it h v ia b le a lib is a n d

s to rie s. B ut it h urt, a n d I w as s o h ap py t o b e g oin g a w ay t o L o n d on . I h op ed I c o u ld t h in k t h in g s t h ro u g h. T h e p ro of is in t h is b ook.

G od , I s h ou ld p ub lis h t h is b ook.

T h e p ro of is in t h is b ook h ow m y t h ou g ht p ro ce ss w en t. I h ad a r o m an tic a ffa ir in P a ris . T h is w asn 't s o r e vo lu tio n ary , b ut w hat w as

a m azin g w as b ein g p air e d w it h P a u l a n d A m an d a, t w o lib era ls w it h b ra in s. W e m utu ally t r u ste d , r e sp ecte d , a n d lo ve d e ach o th er.

T o ok m e a w hile . O cto b er 1 9th w as t h e e xa ct d ate .

W ow , I k n ow t h e d ate .

B ut I t o ld A m an d a o ve r d in ner o n e n ig ht. H er r e actio n w as o n e t h at I d id n't e xp ect-- u tte r jo y a n d c o m ple te a cce p ta n ce . S he t h in ks

t h at it is n atu ra l a n d b eau tif u l. I t o ld P a u l 1 0 d ays la te r, a n d h e g ot t h e b ig gest g rin o n h is f a ce , a n d h e k e p t s a yin g , t h at's g re at.

T h at's g re at. I'm s o p ro u d o f y o u a n d h ap py f o r y o u t h at y o u t o ld m e.

S o L o n d on m ad e m e c o n fid en t in m yse lf a n d m y s e xu alit y . I'm n ot r e ad y t o g o t e ll t h e w orld , a n d I k n ow t h at e ve n m y c lo se st

f r ie n d s m ay h ave q ualm s, b ut t h is is w ho I a m , a n d I c a n 't b ear t o lie t o t h em a n y lo n g er a b ou t s o m eth in g s o d eep ly a p art o f m e.

W hen I m et h im , y o u k n ow , I w as o ld er. I w as r e ad y t o s e ttle d ow n. I h ad h ad a f e w f lin g s, b ut n eve r-- I m ean , I w an te d t o b e

t o ta lly in c o n tr o l. B ut w hen I m et h im , a n d it w as t im e t o s e ttle d ow n. I'd g ot t ir e d o f g oin g o u t.

D id y o u t e ll y o u r m om a n d d ad w hen y o u c a m e o u t?

M y m oth er k n ew . I t o ok H al h om e w it h m e, a n d s h e a cce p te d it . T h e o n ly t h in g s h e s a id o n e t im e w as, " I d o t h in k t h at it 's a s h am e

y o u d on 't g et m arrie d a n d h ave c h ild re n , b eca u se t h ey'l l t a ke c a re o f y o u ." A nd I s a id , " W ell, I t h in k I c a n t a ke c a re o f m yse lf ." A nd

o f c o u rs e , H al a n d I r e ly o n e ach o th er.

H ow lo n g h ave y o u b een t o g eth er?

4 0--

N ext w eek, w e w ill h ave b een t o g eth er 4 5 y e ars .

Y e ah , 4 5 y e ars . T h at's a lo n g t im e.

H ow 's it b een ?

F in e. I m ean , it 's w on d erfu l. W e'r e lu ck y .

A nd w e s a y t h at o ft e n t im es, a s w e r e m in is c e o r t h in k a b ou t it --

H ow m an y p eop le d o y o u k n ow a re h ap py? H ow m an y d iv o rc e s o ccu r? 5 0% , r ig ht? H ete ro se xu als ?

I m ean , I lo ok a ro u nd a n d s e e m y s is te rs a n d b ro th ers a n d s o f o rth , a n d t h eir w iv e s, a n d s a y, y o u k n ow , t h ey d on 't lo ve e ach o th er.

W e d o.

I d o. A t t h e t im e, t o c ro ss t h e p ark , I c o u ld g et t o t h e b us s to p c lo se r, a n d t h ey w ere o n o n e o f t h eir h unts . A nd t h is m an s a id t o m e,

w here a re y o u g oin g ? A nd I s a id , I'm g oin g h om e. A nd h e s a id , b y y o u rs e lf ? A nd I s a id , y e s.

A nd I d on 't r e m em ber a n y o th er c o n ve rs a tio n . A nd h e s a id , w ou ld y o u s te p o ve r h ere a m in ute , p le ase ? A nd I d id . A nd h e s h ow ed

m e a b ad ge, a n d h e s a id , I h ave n 't s e en y o u in t h is p ark b efo re .

A nd b y t h is t im e, a ll t h ose p eop le w ho h ad b een r o u nd ed u p w ere b ein g p ut in c a rs a n d t a ke n t o t h e p olic e s ta tio n . A nd w e w ere

r e le ase d , b ut--

I h ad t o c o m e d ow n.

I t w as t h e f a ct t h at w e w ere g oin g t h ro u g h-- a n d t h is w as n ot la te a t n ig ht.

Y o u w ere a n g ry ?

Y e s, I w as v e ry a n g ry .

Y o u h ad t o c o m e g et h im ?

Y e s, I h ad t o c o m e-- w ell, I h ad t o b rin g t h em m on ey t o p ay f o r h is f in e. It h ad t o b e c a sh . A nd I w en t d ow n a n d b aile d h im o u t.

A nd t h ey s a id t h at it w ou ld b e o n y o u r r e co rd f o r a p erio d o f t im e. A nd it w as t a ke n o ff m y r e co rd , b eca u se I w en t t o f in d o u t

b eca u se o f v o tin g a n d t h at s o rt o f t h in g , t o s e e, b eca u se I h ad n o t r a ffic v io la tio n s o r a n yth in g . T h at w as t h e o n ly t im e t h at a

p olic e a ctio n h ad b een t a ke n o r I h ave b een a rre ste d .

Y e ah .

O n a t r ip t o C alif o rn ia , I w as o u t w it h H aro ld 's b ro th er, a n d t h ere w as a p olic e r a id in a L o s A ng ele s b ar, a n d w e w ere t a ke n t o t h e

p olic e s ta tio n a g ain . B ut w e w ere im med ia te ly r e le ase d .

B ut it w as t h is c o n ce rte d e ffo rt t o r o ot o u t a ll h om ose xu als .

T h ey w ou ld s till h ara ss t h em .

G ay m en , t o k e ep t h em o u t o f t h e p ub lic e ye . A nd t h is w en t o n in to t h e '7 0s, h ere W ash in g to n , D C.

I t h in k t h at w as t r u e in N ew Y o rk , t o o. S to n ew all w as '6 9, s o t h ey s u ffe re d t h e s a m e t h in g b efo re t h at. W e d id n't h ave t h at k in d o f

p ro te st t h at S to n ew all p ro d uce d . I t h in k S to n ew all c h an g ed e ve ry th in g in N ew Y o rk in t im e, b ut w e d id n't h ave t h at h ere in

W ash in g to n , w hic h w as c o n tr o lle d b y t h e g ove rn m en t.

[ IN AU D IB LE ].

I t w asn 't u ntil L a m bda R is in g , w hic h w as a g ay b ooksto re , h ad it s lit tle p ara d e, w hic h w as a ro u nd D up on t C ir c le .

B ut t h ey a ls o s ta rte d t o m ob iliz e .

A nd t h en t h at w as w hat b eg an , ju st lik e in N ew Y o rk , w hen y o u h ad t h e g ay p rid e p ara d es. W ell, o u rs w as t in y t o s ta rt, a n d it w as

j u st t h at o n e b ooksto re . B ein g a le sb ia n a t W est P o in t w as a b le ssin g a n d a c u rs e . O n t h e b le ssin g s id e, t h ere w as k in d o f a s e cre t s o cie ty t h at I v e ry s lo w ly

w as in tr o d uce d t o o f o th er le sb ia n w om en w ho-- w e k in d o f p ro te cte d e ach o th er. W e f o rm ed p re tty g ood f r ie n d sh ip s. A nd b eca u se

w e w ere k e ep in g o n e a n oth er's s e cre ts , I t h in k t h ere w as a h ig her d eg re e o f t r u st a n d b on d in g t h at t o ok p la ce , a n d w e h ad a

s h are d a d ve rs it y t h at I t h in k r e ally b ro u g ht u s t o g eth er. A nd s o m e o f t h ose p eop le a re s o m e o f m y c lo se st f r ie n d s e ve n t o t h is d ay,

2 0 y e ars la te r.

T h e w ay t h at it w as a c u rs e -- I t h in k m ost s ig nif ic a n tly w as t h at y o u 'r e a lw ays lo okin g o ve r y o u r s h ou ld er w on d erin g if s o m eb od y

w as g oin g t o s e e y o u d oin g s o m eth in g t h at c o u ld b e c o n str u ed a s b la ta n tly le sb ia n , y o u k n ow ? A nd t h at y o u c o u ld g et k ic k e d o u t.

L ik e , y o u c o u ld lo se e ve ry th in g .

A nd y o u w ork r e ally , r e ally h ard , A , t o g et t h ere , b ut d efin it e ly t o g ra d uate . A nd t o h ave t h at ju st c o m ple te ly u nd erm in ed b y

s o m eon e w ho's o u t t o g et y o u in a n asty w ay w as-- y o u h ear a b ou t it . Y o u h eard a b ou t, lik e , o h , s o a n d s o g ot k ic k e d o u t, a n d it

j u st w ou ld h ave b een -- e sp ecia lly b eca u se in m y f a m ily , a n d in t h e w ay I g re w u p , if t h at h ad h ap pen ed , I f e el lik e I w ou ld h ave

b een ju st d eep ly , d eep ly a sh am ed f o r h avin g b een k ic k e d o u t.

A nd s o n ot o n ly a fr a id o f t h at s o m eon e's g oin g t o f in d o u t, b ut y o u 'r e a ls o c o n sta n tly ly in g a lit tle b it , a n d t h is is a n in stit u tio n

w here t h e h on or c o d e is ju st in g ra in ed . L ik e , y o u d on 't lie o r c h eat o r s te al o r t o le ra te t h ose w ho d o. A nd it 's n ot lik e y o u s h ow u p

a t W est P o in t a n d y o u 'r e lik e , o h , n o, I'm n ot g oin g t o lie a n ym ore . I t h in k t h ese a re v a lu es t h at y o u a lr e ad y h ave w hen y o u s h ow

u p , a n d it 's ju st r e ally e m bed ded in t h e c u lt u re .

S o e ve ry t im e s o m eon e a sk s y o u , o h , h ey, a re y o u d atin g a n yb od y? O r w hat d id y o u d o la st w eeke n d ? Y o u t e ll t h ese lit tle b it ty lie s.

A nd t h ey'r e g en era lly w hit e lie s, a n d f a ir ly h arm le ss, b ut y o u 'r e c o n sta n tly in a s it u atio n w here y o u 'r e ly in g a lit tle b it t o y o u r

c o lle ag ues.

S he w as a f r e sh m an in h er f ir s t y e ar a t W est P o in t. S o t h ere 's t h e p le b es s y ste m . A nd s o s h e w as m uch m ore c o n str a in ed in h er

f r e ed om a n d s tu ff, s o s h e'd h ave t o s ta n d o u t in f o rm atio n . A nd t h e w ay I w ou ld f lir t w it h h er is u su ally u p per c la ss c a d ets w ou ld g o

a n d y e ll a t a n d h aze a n d t r y t o p ro fe ssio n ally d eve lo p b y b ein g s o m ew hat m ean t h e p le b es, b ut I w ou ld g o u p t o h er a n d t r y t o

m ake h er la u g h a b ou t s o m eth in g , a n d ju st k in d o f m ake f u n o f s o m eth in g t h at w as g oin g o n , o r ju st k in d o f- - I w asn 't m ean t o h er. I

g uess t h at w ou ld b e [ IN AU D IB LE ].

A nd w e w ere o n t h e s a m e s p orts t e am , s o w e g ot t o s p en d s o m e t im e t o g eth er in a m ore n orm al s e ttin g a s w ell. M ore n orm al

s o cia l s e ttin g s. A nd it w as a r e ally s p ecia l t im e, a ctu ally . I h ave r e al g ood m em orie s o f t h at.

A nd t e ll m e a lit tle b it a b ou t t h e r e la tio n sh ip .

W e ju st lit e ra lly , lik e a c o u p le w eeks b efo re g ra d uatio n , w e s ta rte d d atin g , I g uess y o u c o u ld s a y. B eca m e in vo lv e d . A nd t h en I w as

g ettin g s ta tio n ed in H aw aii, a n d s h e h ad t o c o n tin ue h er t im e a t W est P o in t. S o it w as a v e ry lo n g d is ta n ce r e la tio n sh ip . B ut I w ou ld

s a ve a ll m y m on ey s o t h at I c o u ld b uy p la n e t ic k e ts a n d s h e c o u ld c o m e o u t a n d s p en d h er v a ca tio n t im e in H aw aii o r f ly b ack t o

N ew Y o rk a n d s p en t a c o u p le d ays t h ere .

I t h in k I f e lt a lm ost d ru nk a t t h e t im e. I f e lt s o e xcit e d t o s e e h er, a n d s o ju st-- t h ere 's t h is g lo w t h at e ve ry th in g s h e d id w as t h e

c o ole st, b est, n eate st w ay t h at y o u c o u ld p ossib ly d o o r s a y a n yth in g , a n d I ju st r e ally s a w h er in a r e ally id ealiz e d w ay.

I g re w u p in R ale ig h, N orth C aro lin a, in a v e ry c o n se rv a tiv e f a m ily . W hen I w en t o ff t o V ie tn am , m y f a th er s a id , t h is is y o u r w ar.

E ve ry g en era tio n o f o u r f a m ily , e ve ry m an o f e ach g en era tio n , g ets a w ar. A nd t h is w as a t a t im e w hen h om ose xu alit y w as n ot

t a lk e d a b ou t a t a ll. P e op le f o rg et t h at. A nd t h at w as a n e xtr e m ely p ain fu l t h in g , b eca u se y o u c o u ld g ro w u p u tte rly a lo n e, n ot e ve n

i m ag in in g t h ere w as a n oth er p ers o n lik e y o u in t h e w orld . I w en t t o V ie tn am in 1 969, a n d w as t h ere f o r a y e ar. A nd I c a m e b ack -- a ctu ally , I w en t t o a n d f r o m V ie tn am t h ro u g h S an

F ra n cis c o , a n d t h at's w hat m ad e t h e b ig d if fe re n ce f o r m e. I s a w t h is a m azin g c it y , a n d I g ot it in to m y h ead t h at I m ig ht p ossib ly

b e a b le t o liv e h ere .

I w as in C harle sto n a ft e r m y s tin t in V ie tn am , a n d a g uy c a m e t h ro u g h t h e lit tle g alle ry b en eath t h e s tu d io w here I liv e d w it h a

w om an , a n d t h ey w ere b oth N ew Y o rk a cto rs . A nd t h ey w ere h ead ed t o d o a p la y in A tla n ta , C hekh ov p la y, a n d h e w as t h is

d re am y, b lo n d , b lu e e ye d s w eet g uy. A nd s h e w as a q uit e b eau tif u l b ru nette . A nd I f ig ure d t h ey w ere a c o u p le .

A nd t h en h e s ta rte d f lir tin g w it h m e. A nd I d id n't e ve n u nd ers ta n d t h en t h e c o n ce p t t h at a g ay m an m ig ht b e f r ie n d ly w it h a

s tr a ig ht w om an . A nd s h e a ctu ally h elp ed b rin g u s t o g eth er. A nd o h , m an , I h ad s u ch a c ru sh o n h im f o r t h e lo n g est t im e, a n d h e

w as v e ry k in d t o m e, b eca u se h e k n ew I w as f r e sh o u t o f t h e g ate . A nd h e s a id , t h ere a re g oin g t o b e a lo t o f p eop le in y o u r lif e ,

a n d y o u d on 't n eed t o f a ll in lo ve w it h m e r ig ht a w ay.

B eca u se I d id t h at. T h e lid h ad b een o n f o r s o lo n g t h at I t h ou g ht t h e f ir s t p ers o n w ho p aid a n y a tte n tio n t o m e a t a ll w ay m y o n e

a n d o n ly .

T h e r e al d iv id in g lin e f o r m e w as c o m in g t o S an F ra n cis c o a n d f in d in g a c it y t h at w as c o m ple te ly m atte r o f f a ct a b ou t

h om ose xu alit y , e ve n t h en , in 1 971. It w as m y s tr a ig ht f r ie n d s t h at m ad e m e f e el g ood a b ou t b ein g g ay. I c a m e o u t t o a s tr a ig ht

w om an w ho w as r e ally m y b est f r ie n d in t o w n, a n d s h e k n elt in f r o n t o f m e a n d t o ok m y h an d s a n d s a id , b ig e ffin g d eal.

A nd it m ad e m e la u g h a n d c ry a t t h e s a m e t im e. A nd s h e s a id , y o u d on 't h ave t o w orry a b ou t t h at h ere . W e d on 't c a re . W e d on 't

c a re w ho y o u lo ve . A nd n o o n e h ad n eve r s a id t h at t o m e b efo re in e xa ctly t h ose w ord s.

A nd s o , a t t h at p oin t, I w as h usb an d h untin g f r o m d ay o n e, w ay t o o f a st. B ut I t h ou g ht, I w an t t h is p ers o n t h at's g oin g t o h elp m e

c o m ple te m y lif e , t h at I c a n liv e w it h a n d s h are a p artn ers h ip w it h . A nd I'm h ap py t o s a y t h at a t t h e a g e o f 6 0, I'v e h ad s e ve ra l

r e la tio n sh ip s, b ut I t h in k I'v e la n d ed o n t h e r ig ht o n e t h is t im e in t h e b est k in d o f w ay.

H e w as c h asin g y o u d ow n t h e s tr e et.

W ell, w e w ere c h asin g e ach o th er d ow n t h e s tr e et.

T e ll m e t h at lit tle s e tu p ?

I h ad s e en h im o n a g ay p ers o n als s it e . I d id n't h ave t h e n erv e t o g et o n it , b eca u se I'm k in d o f a p ub lic f ig ure , a n d I ju st w as t o o

s e lf c o n sc io u s t o b e o n t h ere a d ve rtis in g f o r lo ve . B ut h e h ad a p ic tu re o f h im se lf o n t h ere , a n d I t h ou g ht h e w as t h e d re am ie st

t h in g I'd e ve r s e en . A nd I p rin te d it o u t a n d p ut it n ext t o m y c o m pute r a n d t o ld a ll m y f r ie n d s.

I k n ew f r o m t h e t h in g t h at h e lik e d o ld er g uys. S o w hen I m et h im , I s a id , I'm o ve rq ualif ie d f o r t h at p osit io n . A nd w e h ad a d ate , a n d

i t w as ju st t h ere f r o m t h e f ir s t m om en t. W e b oth k n ew it .

W hen d id y o u m ake t h e c o n nectio n t h at t h is w as t h e o n e f o r t h e lo n g h au l?

I t r e ally h ad t o d o w it h h im . S eein g w hat I s a w h im . H is k in d ness, I t h in k. C erta in ly a b eau tif u l m an in sid e a n d o u t, b ut k in d , g en tle .

A nd I t h in k t h at is w hat y o u w an t f o r t h e lo n g h au l, a n d s o m eon e w ho c a n m ake y o u la u g h.

S o w e w ere m arrie d a y e ar a n d a h alf a g o n ow . A ctu ally , w e w ere m arrie d t w ic e . W e w en t t o C an ad a t h e f ir s t t im e. A nd t h en w hen

t h e w in d ow o p en ed u p h ere in C alif o rn ia , w e h ad o u r f r ie n d s c o m e. A nd o u r f a m ily , I m ig ht a d d. M y c o n se rv a tiv e b ro th er a n d

C hris to p her's c o n se rv a tiv e f a m ily s h ow ed u p a t t h e w ed din g a n d g ave u s t h eir s u p port a n d lo ve . H ow d id t h at m ake y o u f e el, s e ein g t h em s h if t lik e t h at?

W ell, it w as a g ra d ual t h in g , b ut I k n ew it w as t h ere . A nd I t h in k t h at's t h e t h in g a b ou t t h is . T h at's w hat t h e p eop le w ho o p pose

m arria g e a re r e ally w orrie d a b ou t. O nce it s ta rts h ap pen in g a n d f o lk s a cro ss t h e c o u ntr y s e e w hat a b eau tif u l, s im ple , o rd in ary

t h in g is , s e e h ow it 's s o s im ila r t o w hat t h ey h ave a n d w hat t h ey w an t, it 's n ot g oin g t o s c a re p eop le a n ym ore .

T h e r e aso n t h ere is s u ch s e rio u s o p posit io n t o g ay m arria g e is t h at t h e o p pon en ts c a n not s to p t h in kin g a b ou t a s e x a ct. T h e p eop le

w ho a re f ig htin g f o r g ay m arria g e, f ig htin g f o r m arria g e e q ualit y , h ave lo ve in m in d . T h at's w hat's o n o u r m in d . W e w an t t h e t h in g

f o r t h e lo n g h au l. It 's a b ou t lo ve , a n d lo ve is a lw ays g oin g t o w in o u t o ve r s e x.

T h at's ju st g oin g t o h ap pen . It 's in evit a b le .