7 Habits of Highly Effective People, assignment help
Than k y o u fo r d ow nlo ad in g t h is T ouch sto ne e B ook.
Jo in o ur m ailin g lis t a n d g et u pdate s o n n ew re le ases, d eals , b onus c o nte n t a n d o th er g re at b ooks fro m S im on & S ch uste r.
C LIC K H ER E T O S IG N U P or v is it u s o nlin e to s ig n u p a t eB ookN ew s.S im onan dSch uste r.c o m ALSO F R O M F R A NKLIN CO VEY C O .
The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple J o urn al The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e F am ilie s Liv in g th e 7 H abits Prin cip le -C en te re d L ea dersh ip Fir st T hin gs F ir st The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e T e en s The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e T e en s J o urn al The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e T e en s P erso nal W ork book Lif e M atte rs What M atte rs M ost The 1 0 N atu ra l L aw s o f S uccessfu l T im e a nd L if e M anagem en t b usin ess T hin k The P ow er P rin cip le Bre a kth ro ugh F acto r FIR ESID E Rockefe lle r C ente r 1230 A venue o f th e A meric as New Y ork , N Y 1 0020 www.S im onand S chuste r.c o m Copyrig ht © 2 003 b y F ra nklin C ovey C o.
All r ig hts r e se rv ed , in clu d in g th e r ig ht o f r e p ro ducti o n in w ho le o r i n p art i n a ny f o rm .
Fir e sid e a nd c o lo pho n a re r e gis te re d tr a d em ark s o f Sim on & S chuste r, I n c.
T his p ublic atio n is a p ers o nal w ork book a nd is in te nded e xclu siv ely fo r in div id ual u se . T his w ork m ay n ot b e re pro duced fo r u se in a c la ssro om o r o th er g ro up s e ttin g o r f o r u se b y o rg aniz a tio ns a s p art o f a tr a in in g p ro gra m . S uch u se m ay b e g ra nte d b y F ra nklin C ovey in a w rit te n lic ense a nd u pon p aym ent o f a pplic able lic ense f e es; f o r in fo rm atio n o n b ecom in g a lic ense d f a cilit a to r p le ase c all 1 -8 00-8 68- 1 776.
A ll te rm s s u ch a s c om pany a nd p ro duct n am es a ppearin g in th is w ork m ay b e tr a dem ark s o r re gis te re d tr a dem ark s o f th eir re sp ectiv e o w ners . N o in vestig atio n h as b een m ade o f tr a dem ark rig hts in a ny s u ch te rm s b y F ra nklin C ovey. M ark s w hic h a re u nders to od to b e o w ned b y o th ers a re c apit a liz e d o r m ark ed.
A ll p ers o ns, c om panie s, a nd o rg aniz a tio ns lis te d in e xam ple s a nd c ase s tu die s h ere in a re p ure ly f ic tit io us f o r te achin g p urp ose s u nle ss th e e xam ple e xpre ssly s ta te s o th erw is e . A ny r e se m bla nce to e xis tin g o rg aniz a tio ns o r p ers o ns is p ure ly c oin cid enta l.
T he 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple , 7 H abits , a nd o th er tr a dem ark s p rin te d in th is p ublic atio n a re th e p ro prie ta ry p ro perty o f F ra nklin C ovey C o. o r th ir d p artie s. A ll r ig hts r e se rv ed.
F or in fo rm atio n o n h ow to b ecom e a lic ense d F ra nklin C ovey tr a in er, c all 1 -8 01-8 17-4 379.
Desig ned b y K aty R ie gel IS B N -1 0: 0 -7 432-6 703-6 eIS B N -1 3: 9 78-0 -7 4326-7 03-8 Vis it u s o n th e W orld W id e W eb :
http ://w ww.S im onS ays.c o m CO NTE N TS A bout T his P erso nal W ork b ook P A RT O NE: P A RA DIG M S A ND P R IN CIP LES Para d ig m s Prin cip le s The 7 H ab its — An O verv ie w P A RT T W O: P R IV AT E V IC TO RY Hab it 1 : B e P ro acti v e Hab it 2 : B egin w ith th e E nd i n M in d Hab it 3 : P ut F ir s t T hin gs F ir s t P A RT T H REE: P U BLIC V IC TO RY Let’ s T ake I n v ento ry Hab it 4 : T hin k W in -W in Hab it 5 : S eek F ir s t to U nd ers ta nd , T hen to B e U nd ers to od Hab it 6 : S ynerg iz e Hab it 7 : S harp en th e S aw P A RT F O UR: S O W HAT N O W ?
So W hat N ow ?
Conclu sio n ABO UT T H IS P ER SO NAL W ORK BO OK I N T H ESE C H ALLEN GIN G T IM ES , w e s e e ra p id c hange a ll a ro und u s. S om e c hanges a re fo r th e b ette r, c o m pellin g u s to a lte r o r a d ap t th e w ay w e th in k o r th e w ay w e l iv e. B ut o th er c hanges m ay l e av e u s f e elin g u nse ttl e d , c o nfu se d , a nd in effe cti v e. T he 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple p ro vid es a n a ncho r f o r o ur l iv es— enab lin g u s to l iv e w ith a s e nse o f c o nsta ncy a m id c hange— because th e h ab its a re b ase d o n ti m ele ss, u niv ers a l, s e lf- e v id ent p rin cip le s o f h um an e ffe cti v eness.
This c o m panio n w ork b ook to The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple w ill p ro vid e y o u w ith a p plic ati o n e xerc is e s a s w ell a s th e o pportu nity to m ake n o te s, r e co rd y o ur th o ughts , s c o re y o urs e lf o n s e lf- a sse ssm ents , a nd a nsw er q uesti o ns d esig ned to p ro voke th o ught a nd e nco ura ge d eep er i n sig hts i n to th e re ad in g m ate ria l. A t th e b egin nin g o f e ach se cti o n y o u w ill b e a sk ed to re ad o r re re ad s p ecific c hap te rs in The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple . T he 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple and The 7 H abits of H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook are desig ned to be c o m panio ns. U se th em a nd r e use th em !
If y o u a re w illin g to p ay th e p ric e to tr u ly u nd ers ta nd a nd a p ply th e h ab its a nd p rin cip le s ta ught i n t h e b ook a nd th is w ork b ook, y o u w ill r e ap p ow erfu l b enefits . Y ou w ill fin d y o ur ti m e a nd a cti v iti e s i n cre asin gly b eco m in g a m atte r o f y o ur ch oic es, a nd th at y o u c an tr u ly l iv e a r ic her, h ap pie r, a nd m ore f u lfillin g life . Y ou w ill n o ti c e a n a ccele ra ti o n o f p ers o nal d ev elo pm ent a nd im pro vem ent, a nd w ill a ls o d is c o ver i n cre ase d e m oti o nal s tr e ngth a nd g re ate r s e lf- d is c ip lin e. Y ou w ill s e e a n i n cre ase i n th e q uality a nd e ffe cti v eness o f y o ur r e la ti o nsh ip s o n e v ery l e v el.
We h o pe y o ur e xp erie nce w ith th is w ork b ook w ill b e b oth e m pow erin g a nd e njo yab le a s y o u l e arn a nd re le arn th ese ti m ele ss p rin cip le s o f e ffe cti v eness. G iv e y o urs e lf th e o pportu nity to re ally d ig i n to th e m ate ria l p re se nte d i n th is w ork b ook. B e h o nest w ith y o urs e lf a nd w ith o th ers a s y o u s h are y o ur i n sig hts a nd th e th in gs y o u’v e l e arn ed . M ake th is m ate ria l w ork f o r y o u! PA RT O NE PA RAD IG M S A N D P R IN CIP LE S Befo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple Perso nal W ork b ook, r e ad p ages 1 5–62 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e Peo ple . PA R AD IG M S Our p ara dig m s, c o rre ct o r i n co rre ct, a re t h e s o urc es o f o ur a ttitu des a nd b eh avio rs, a nd ultim ate ly o ur r e la tio nsh ip s w ith o th ers.
—S TEPH EN R . C OVEY A ST O RE M ANAGER H EA RD o ne o f h is s a le sp eo ple s a y to a c usto m er, “ N o, w e h av en’t h ad a ny f o r s o m e w eeks n o w , a nd it d oesn ’t lo ok a s if w e’ll b e g etti n g a ny s o on.” T he m anager w as s h o cked to h ear t h ese w ord s a nd r u sh ed to th e c usto m er a s s h e w as w alk in g o ut. “ T hat i s n ’t tr u e,” h e s a id , b ut s h e j u st g av e h im a n o dd l o ok a nd w alk ed o ut. H e c o nfr o nte d th e s a le sp ers o n a nd s a id , “ N ev er, n ev er s a y w e d on’t h av e s o m eth in g. I f w e d on’t h av e i t, s a y w e’v e o rd ere d i t a nd i t’ s o n i ts w ay. N ow , w hat d id s h e w ant? ” “R ain ,” s a id th e s a le sp ers o n.
How m any ti m es h av e y o u m ad e a ssu m pti o ns sim ila r to th e sto re m anager’s ? It’ s e asy to d o, b ecause w e a ll s e e th in gs i n d iffe re nt w ays. W e a ll h av e d iffe re nt p ara d ig m s o r f r a m es o f r e fe re nce— l ik e e yegla sse s th ro ugh w hic h w e s e e th e w orld . W e s e e th e w orld n o t a s it is , b ut a s w e a re — or s o m eti m es a s w e a re c o nd iti o ned to s e e i t.
The m ore w e a re a w are o f o ur b asic p ara d ig m s, o r a ssu m pti o ns, a nd th e e xte nt to w hic h w e h av e b een in flu enced by our exp erie nces, th e m ore w e can ta ke re sp onsib ility fo r th o se para d ig m s, e xam in e th em , te st th em a gain st r e ality , c hange th em if n ecessa ry , a nd lis te n to o th ers a nd b e o pen to t h eir p erc ep ti o ns.
It b eco m es o bvio us th at if w e w ant to m ake r e la ti v ely m in o r c hanges in o ur liv es, w e c an fo cus o n o ur a tti tu d es a nd b ehav io rs . B ut i f w e w ant to m ake s ig nific ant q uantu m c hanges, w e n eed to w ork o n o ur b asic p ara d ig m s— th e w ay w e v ie w o urs e lv es a nd th e w orld a ro und u s.
H av e y o u e v er h ad a n e xp erie nce w here y o u m ad e a n a ssu m pti o n, o nly to f in d th at y o u h ad j u m ped to a c o nclu sio n to o q uic kly ? D esc rib e th e e xp erie nce b elo w .
W hat w as th e a ssu m pti o n y o u m ad e?
Thin k a b out s o m e o th er a ssu m pti o ns y o u m ay h av e m ad e. W hat w ill y o u d o th is w eek to w ork o n o ne of th em ?
EX AM IN IN G Y O UR P A RA DIG M S Hav e y o u e v er b een to a d iffe re nt c o untr y o r e v en to a d iffe re nt re gio n in y o ur c o untr y ? W hat w as str a nge to y o u?
Did p eo ple a ct th e w ay y o u e xp ecte d th em to ? W hat d id y o u th in k a b out th eir a cti o ns?
Lookin g b ack o n y o ur tr a v el e xp erie nces n o w , w hat d o y o u th in k p eo ple th o ught a b out y o u? D o y o u belie v e th eir th o ughts a b out y o u w ere p ro bab ly s im ila r to y o ur th o ughts a b out th em ?
If y o u h ad th e o pportu nity to g et to k no w p eo ple i n y o ur tr a v els , h o w d id th at c hange y o ur a ssu m pti o ns ab out th em ?
SH IF T IN G Y O UR P A RA DIG M Thin k a b out th e d iffe re nt r o ute s y o u c an ta ke to y o ur h o m e o r w ork . A re s o m e w ays m ore c o m ple x th an o th ers ? I s o ne w ay s o m eti m es m ore c o nv enie nt th an a no th er? W hy o r w hy n o t?
Hav e y o u e v er fo und a n ew w ay h o m e th at y o u d id n’t k no w e xis te d ? W hat w ere th e u nexp ecte d fe elin gs o f tr a v elin g d iffe re nt r o ute s?
Now th in k a b out th e w ay y o u in te ra ct w ith p eo ple . A re th ere s e v era l w ays to a p pro ach th em ? W hat new w ays m ig ht y o u tr y ?
PR IN CIP LES It i s i m possib le f o r u s t o b re a k t h e l a w . W e c a n o nly b re a k o urse lv es a gain st t h e l a w .
—C EC IL B . D E M IL LE O NCE E IN ST EIN S A W th e n eed le o f a c o m pass a t th e a ge o f f o ur, h e a lw ays u nd ers to od th at th ere h ad to b e “ so m eth in g b ehin d th in gs, s o m eth in g d eep ly h id den.” T his a ls o p erta in s to e v ery o th er re alm o f l ife . P rin cip le s a re univ ersa l —th at is , th ey tr a nsc end c ultu re a nd g eo gra p hy. T hey’re a ls o tim ele ss, t h ey nev er change— prin cip le s su ch as fa ir n ess, kin d ness, re sp ect, ho nesty , in te grity , se rv ic e, c o ntr ib uti o n. D iffe re nt c ultu re s m ay tr a nsla te th ese p rin cip le s in to d iffe re nt p ra cti c es a nd o ver ti m e m ay e v en to ta lly o bsc ure th ese p rin cip le s th ro ugh th e w ro ngfu l u se o f f r e ed om . N ev erth ele ss, th ey a re p re se nt. L ik e th e l a w o f g ra v ity , th ey o pera te c o nsta ntl y .
Prin cip le s a re a ls o in arg uable .
T hat is , th ey a re s e lf- e v id ent. F or e xam ple , y o u c an n ev er h av e e nd urin g tr u st w ith o ut tr u stw orth in ess. T hin k a b out i t; th at i s a n atu ra l l a w .
Natu ra l l a w s ( lik e g ra v ity ) a nd p rin cip le s ( lik e r e sp ect, h o nesty , k in d ness, i n te grity , a nd f a ir n ess) c o ntr o l th e c o nse q uences o f o ur c ho ic es. J u st a s y o u g et b ad a ir a nd b ad w ate r w hen y o u c o nsis te ntl y v io la te th e e nv ir o nm ent, s o a ls o i s tr u st ( th e g lu e o f r e la ti o nsh ip s) d estr o yed w hen y o u’re c o nsis te ntl y u nkin d a nd d is h o nest to p eo ple .
Rem em ber A eso p’s fa b le “T he G oose and th e G old en E gg”? T he m ora l o f th is fa b le has a m odern a p plic ati o n. T ru e e ffe cti v eness i s a f u ncti o n o f tw o th in gs: th at w hic h i s p ro duced ( th e g o ld en e ggs), a nd th e p ro ducin g a sse t o r c ap acity to p ro duce ( th e g o ose ). L ik e th e fo olis h fa rm er, w e o fte n e m phasiz e s h o rt- te rm r e su lts a t th e e xp ense o f l o ng-te rm p ro sp erity .
Effe cti v eness l ie s i n th e b ala nce: th e P /P C B ala nce ® . “ P ” s ta nd s f o r p ro ducti o n o f d esir e d r e su lts — th e g o ld en e ggs. “ P C ” sta nd s fo r p ro ducti o n c ap ab ility — th e a b ility o r a sse t th at p ro duces th e g o ld en e gg.
In s p ite o f th e o bvio us n eed fo r b ala ncin g P a nd P C , w e fr e q uentl y n egle ct a nd a b use p hysic al, f in ancia l, and hum an re so urc es. For in sta nce, w e don’t pro perly m ain ta in our bodie s, th e e nv ir o nm ent, o r o ur v alu ab le p hysic al p osse ssio ns. O f e q ual c o ncern , w e o verlo ok re la ti o nsh ip s, n egle cti n g k in d nesse s a nd c o urte sie s.
On th e o th er h and , P C in v estm ents s u ch a s e xerc is in g a nd e ati n g p ro perly , in cre asin g s k ills , a nd d ev elo pin g re la ti o nsh ip s c o ntr ib ute to o ur q uality o f life . R ela ti o nsh ip s a re str o nger, fin ances a re m ore s e cure , a nd p hysic al a sse ts l a st l o nger.
Refle ct o n A eso p’s fa b le “ T he G oose a nd th e G old en E gg.” T ake a fe w m om ents a nd w rite y o ur o w n fa b le a b out y o urs e lf. In te rm s o f y o ur p ro ducti o n a nd p ro ducti o n c ap ab ility , w here d o y o u n eed t o d ev elo p g re ate r b ala nce? H ere ’s a n e xam ple to h elp g et y o u th in kin g: A ta le nte d a nd e nte rp ris in g y o ung w om an w as a w ife , m oth er, a nd b usin essw om an. S he wante d to d o a g o od jo b fo r h ers e lf, h er fa m ily , a nd h er c o m pany. S he w ork ed h ard a nd was s o on r e co gniz e d a s s o m eo ne w ho m p eo ple c o uld d ep end o n to g et th in gs d one q uic kly , effic ie ntl y , a nd w ith h ig h q uality , w heth er a t h o m e o r a t w ork . T hin gs b egan p ilin g u p . S he cam e h o m e b are ly i n ti m e to p ut th e k id s to b ed . T he q uality o f h er l ife d im in is h ed o n e v ery le v el. S he f e lt ti r e d a ll th e ti m e, a nd s h e e nd ed u p f e elin g u se d a nd a b use d .
The 7 H ab its c ente r o n ti m ele ss a nd u niv ers a l p rin cip le s o f p ers o nal, in te rp ers o nal, m anageria l, a nd org aniz a ti o nal e ffe cti v eness. L is te d h ere a re th e p rin cip le s u p on w hic h th e H ab its a re b ase d .
1. T he p rin cip le o f c o nti n uo us l e arn in g, o f s e lf- re ed ucati o n— th e d is c ip lin e th at d riv es u s to w ard th e v alu es w e b elie v e i n . S uch c o nsta nt l e arn in g i s r e q uir e d i n to day’s w orld . C onti n uo us l e arn in g i s part of w hat keep s us fe elin g em pow ere d in our re la ti o nsh ip s and acco m plis h ed in our w ork .
Techno lo gy i s c o nsta ntl y c hangin g, a nd m any o f u s w ill w ork i n m ore th an f iv e d iffe re nt f ie ld s b efo re we r e ti r e . A re y o u w illin g to b e l e ft b ehin d ?
That i s w hat l e a rn in g i s . Y o u s u dden ly u ndersta nd s o m eth in g y o u’v e u ndersto od a ll y o ur life , b ut i n a n ew w ay.
—D ORIS L ESSIN G 2. T he p rin cip le o f s e rv ic e, o f g iv in g o nese lf to o th ers , o f h elp in g to fa cilita te o th er p eo ple in th eir e nd eav ors .
To s e rv e i s b ea utifu l, b ut o nly i f i t i s d one w ith j o y a nd a w hole h ea rt a nd a f r e e m in d.
—P EARL S . B UCK 3. T he p rin cip le o f s ta yin g p ositi v e a nd o pti m is ti c , ra d ia ti n g p ositi v e e nerg y, a nd a v oid in g th e fo ur e m oti o nal c ancers ( c riti c iz in g, c o m pla in in g, c o m parin g, a nd c o m peti n g).
The p oin t o f l iv in g, a nd o f b ein g a n o ptim is t, i s t o b e f o olis h e n ough t o b elie ve t h e b est i s yet t o c o m e.
—P ETER U ST IN O V 4. T he p rin cip le o f a ffir m ati o n o f o th ers — tr e ati n g p eo ple a s p ro acti v e in d iv id uals w ho h av e gre at p ote nti a l.
Tre a t p eo ple a s if th ey w ere w hat th ey s h ould b e, a nd y o u h elp th em b eco m e w hat th ey are c a pable o f b eco m in g.
—J OHAN N W OLFG AN G V O N G OETH E 5. T he p rin cip le o f b ala nce— th e a b ility to id enti fy o ur v ario us ro le s a nd to s p end a p pro pria te am ounts o f ti m e in , a nd fo cus o n, a ll o f th e im porta nt r o le s a nd d im ensio ns o f o ur liv es. S uccess in one a re a o f o ur l ife c anno t c o m pensa te f o r n egle ct o r f a ilu re i n o th er a re as o f o ur l ife . Every o ne is a h ouse w ith fo ur r o om s: p hysic a l, m en ta l, e m otio nal, s p ir itu al. U nle ss w e go i n to e very r o om e very d ay, e ven i f o nly t o k eep i t a ir e d , w e a re n ot a c o m ple te p erso n.
—R UM ER G ODDEN 6. T he p rin cip le o f s p onta neity a nd s e re nd ip ity — th e a b ility to e xp erie nce life w ith a s e nse o f ad ventu re , e xcite m ent, a nd f r e sh r e d is c o very i n ste ad o f tr y in g to f in d a s e rio us s id e to th in gs th at h av e no s e rio us s id e.
The e sse n ce o f p le a su re i s s p onta neity .
—G ERM AIN E G REER 7. T he p rin cip le o f c o nsis te nt s e lf- re new al a nd s e lf- im pro vem ent i n th e f o ur d im ensio ns o f o ne’s life : p hysic al, s p ir itu al, m enta l, a nd s o cia l/e m oti o nal.
This is th e s in gle m ost p ow erfu l in vestm en t w e c a n e ver m ake in life — in vestm en t in ourse lv es, i n t h e o nly i n str u m en t w e h ave w ith w hic h t o d ea l w ith l ife a nd t o c o ntr ib ute .
—S TEPH EN R . C OVEY Lis t fiv e p rin cip le s th at a ffe ct y o ur life o n a d aily b asis . In w hat w ays a re y o u a ffe cte d ? D o th ey im pact y o u i n p ositi v e o r n egati v e w ays?
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TH E 7 H ABIT S— AN O VER VIE W T HE 7 H ABIT S A RE H ABIT S o f e ffe cti v eness. T ru e e ffe cti v eness i s b ase d o n ti m ele ss p rin cip le s th at a re i n h arm ony w ith n atu ra l la w . E ffe cti v e p eo ple a re g uid ed b y th eir o w n m is sio ns a nd m anage th eir l iv es a cco rd in g to p rin cip le s. In effe cti v e p eo ple fo llo w o th er p eo ple ’s a gend as a nd m anage th eir l iv es a ro und p re ssin g m atte rs .
One o f th e b est w ays to u nd ers ta nd th e 7 H ab its o f H ig hly E ffe cti v e P eo ple is to stu d y th eir o pposite s. T he f o llo w in g c hart c o ntr a sts th e 7 H ab its o f H ig hly Effe ctiv e P eo ple w ith th e 7 H ab its o f H ig hly In effe ctiv e P eo ple .
SELF-S C O RIN G 7 H A BIT S A SSESSM EN T This a sse ssm ent w ill h elp y o u k no w w here y o u a re in liv in g th e 7 H ab its a nd g iv e y o u a n id ea o f so m e o f th e a re as y o u m ay w ant to fo cus o n a s y o u p ro gre ss th ro ugh th is w ork b ook. T o h elp g auge yo ur p ro gre ss w hen y o u c o m ple te th e w ork b ook, y o u m ay r e ta ke th is a sse ssm ent.
On th e f o llo w in g tw o p ages, r e ad e ach s ta te m ent a nd , u sin g y o ur b est j u d gm ent, c ir c le th e n um ber th at i n d ic ate s h o w w ell y o u p erfo rm i n e ach h ab it ( 1 b ein g v ery p oor a nd 6 b ein g o uts ta nd in g). CHA RT IN G Y O UR 7 H A BIT S E FFEC TIV EN ESS Tota l y o ur p oin ts f o r e ach p rin cip le o r h ab it i n th e H ab it T ota ls c o lu m n.
Afte r y o u h av e c o m pute d y o ur c ate go ry to ta ls , m ark e ach s c o re i n th e g rid b elo w a nd g ra p h y o ur to ta ls . T he h ig her y o ur s c o re , th e m ore c lo se ly y o u a re a lig ned w ith th e 7 H ab its p rin cip le s. HABIT S A h ab it i s th e i n te rs e cti o n o f k no w le d ge, s k ill, a nd d esir e . K no w le d ge i s th e what t o d o a nd th e why.
Skill i s th e how t o d o.
D esir e is th e m oti v ati o n— th e want to d o.
A ll th re e o f th ese th in gs m ust c o m e to geth er i n o rd er to m ake a h ab it.
Thin k o f tw o hab its yo u hav e, o ne go od and o ne b ad . In th e sp ace b elo w w rite d ow n th e kno w le d ge, s k ills , a nd d esir e s c o nnecte d w ith th o se tw o h ab its .
Hab its h av e a tr e m end ous p ull— more th an m ost p eo ple re aliz e o r w ill a d m it. B re akin g a d eep ly em bed ded h ab it i n v olv es g re at e ffo rt a nd , o fte nti m es, m ajo r c hanges i n o ur l iv es.
Look b ack a t w hat y o u w ro te d ow n a b out y o ur b ad h ab it. A re y o u w illin g to u nd erta ke w hate v er is n ecessa ry to b re ak th at h ab it? I f y o u a re , w rite d ow n th re e th in gs y o u w ill d o to b egin th e p ro cess of b re akin g th at h ab it. K eep a r e co rd o f y o ur p ro gre ss.
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TH E M ATU RIT Y C O NTIN UUM ® The 7 H ab its p ro vid e a s e q uenti a l a p pro ach to m ove u s p ro gre ssiv ely o n a M atu rity C onti n uum f r o m dep end ence to i n d ep end ence to i n te rd ep end ence.
Dep end ence i s th e p ara d ig m o f “ yo u”— yo u ta ke c are o f m e.
In d ep end ence i s th e p ara d ig m o f “ I” — I a m s e lf- re lia nt.
In te rd ep end ence is th e p ara d ig m o f “w e”— we can d o it; w e can co m bin e o ur ta le nts and ab iliti e s to c re ate s o m eth in g g re ate r to geth er. D esp ite in d ep end ence b ein g th e a v ow ed g o al o f many p eo ple and so cia l m ovem ents , in te rd ep end ence is a fa r m ore effe cti v e and ad vanced co ncep t.
The M atu rity C onti n uum is b uilt o n a n in sid e-o ut a p pro ach. In o th er w ord s, H ab its 1 , 2 , a nd 3 d eal with s e lf- m aste ry . T hey h elp y o u p ro gre ss f r o m d ep end ence to i n d ep end ence, o r th e P riv ate V ic to ry ® .
As y o u b eco m e tr u ly in d ep end ent, y o u h av e th e fo und ati o n fo r e ffe cti v e in te rd ep end ence. Y ou h av e th e c hara cte r b ase fr o m w hic h y o u c an e ffe cti v ely w ork o n H ab its 4 , 5 , a nd 6 — th e m ore sk ill- orie nte d P ub lic V ic to ry ® o f te am w ork , c o opera ti o n, a nd c o m munic ati o n. H ab it 7 is th e h ab it o f re new al— a r e gula r, b ala nced r e new al o f th e fo ur b asic d im ensio ns o f life . It e ncir c le s a ll th e o th er hab its .
Lookin g a t th e M atu rity C onti n uum , w here a re y o u rig ht n o w ? T ake a fe w m in ute s a nd re co rd where y o u a re n o w a nd w hy. W hat b ehav io rs a nd a tti tu d es d o y o u e xhib it th at p ut y o u a t th is s ta ge o f th e c o nti n uum ? A re y o u b egin nin g to s e e w here y o u n eed th e m ost w ork ?
PA RT T W O PR IV AT E V IC TO RY ® HABIT 1 BE P R O AC TIV E ® Befo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple Perso nal W ork b ook, HA BIT 1 : B E P R O ACTIV E Life i s a b ook a nd y o u a re i ts a uth or. Y o u d ete rm in e i ts p lo t a nd p ace a nd y o u— only y o u —tu rn i ts p ages.
—B ETH M EN D E C ONNY Y OUR L IF E D OESN ’ T J U ST “ HAPPEN .” W heth er y o u k no w it o r n o t, it is c are fu lly d esig ned b y y o u— or care le ssly d esig ned b y y o u. It is , a fte r a ll, y o ur c ho ic e. Y ou c ho ose h ap pin ess. Y ou c ho ose s a d ness.
You c ho ose d ecis iv eness. Y ou c ho ose a m biv ale nce. Y ou c ho ose s u ccess. Y ou c ho ose fa ilu re . Y ou cho ose c o ura ge. Y ou c ho ose fe ar. J u st r e m em ber th at e v ery m om ent, e v ery s itu ati o n, p ro vid es a n ew cho ic e. A nd in d oin g s o , it g iv es y o u a p erfe ct o pportu nity to d o th in gs d iffe re ntl y to p ro duce m ore positi v e r e su lts .
Hab it 1: B e P ro acti v e is ab out ta kin g re sp onsib ility fo r yo ur life . Y ou can’t keep bla m in g ev ery th in g o n y o ur p are nts o r g ra nd pare nts o r y o ur b oss o r c o w ork ers , n o w , c an y o u? I s y o ur te rrib le child ho od o r g eneti c s o r w ork e nv ir o nm ent c o ntr o llin g y o ur life ? O r h o w a b out g ro w in g u p p oor— th at’ s a g re at e xcuse f o r a ll y o ur p ro ble m s, i s n ’t i t? W e d o h av e th e f r e ed om to c ho ose — all o f u s d o.
Pro acti v e peo ple re co gniz e th at th ey are “re sp onse -a b le .” T hey don’t bla m e cir c um sta nces, co nd iti o ns, o r co nd iti o nin g fo r th eir b ehav io r. T hey kno w th ey cho ose th eir b ehav io r. R eacti v e peo ple , o n th e o th er h and , a re o fte n a ffe cte d b y th eir p hysic al e nv ir o nm ent. If th e w eath er is g o od, th ey f e el g o od. I f i t i s n ’t, i t a ffe cts th eir a tti tu d e a nd p erfo rm ance.
Until w e k n ow o urse lv es a nd a re a w are o f o urse lv es a s s e p ara te fr o m o th ers a nd fr o m th e e n vir o nm en t— until w e c a n b e s e p ara te d e ven f r o m o urse lv es s o t h at w e c a n o bse rv e our o w n te n den cie s, th oughts , a nd d esir e s— we h ave n o fo undatio n fr o m w hic h to k n ow and r e sp ect o th er p eo ple , l e t a lo ne c re a te c h ange w ith in o urse lv es.
— S TEPH EN R. C OVEY DEV ELO PIN G P R O ACTIV IT Y Betw een s ti m ulu s a nd r e sp onse , y o u h av e th e f r e ed om to c ho ose . T his i s y o ur g re ate st p ow er. O ne o f th e m ost im porta nt th in gs y o u c ho ose is w hat y o u s a y. Y our la nguage is a g o od in d ic ato r o f h o w y o u se e y o urs e lf. A p ro acti v e p ers o n u se s p ro acti v e la nguage— I c an, I w ill, I p re fe r, e tc . A re acti v e pers o n use s re acti v e la nguage— I can’t, I m ust, if only . R eacti v e peo ple belie v e th ey are no t re sp onsib le f o r w hat th ey s a y— th ey h av e n o c ho ic e.
Thin k o f tw o o r th re e s itu ati o ns i n y o ur p ers o nal l ife d urin g th e p ast f e w w eeks w hen y o u h av e re sp ond ed i n a r e acti v e w ay. D esc rib e w hat y o u sa id .
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Now th in k o f s o m e p ro acti v e r e sp onse s y o u m ig ht h av e u se d i n th e s a m e s itu ati o ns. W rite th em d ow n in th e s p aces b elo w .
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Make i t a p oin t to r e ally l is te n to y o ur l a nguage d urin g th e n ext w eek. I s y o ur l a nguage m ore p ro acti v e or r e acti v e?
Is th ere a n a re a i n y o ur l ife y o u a re u nhap py a b out o r f r u str a te d b y— f a m ily , a r e la ti o nsh ip , y o ur jo b?
What a re y o u u nhap py a b out o r fr u str a te d b y? F or e xam ple , d o y o u fe el p ow erle ss, h o pele ss, o r use d ? D esc rib e th e s itu ati o n.
What i s th e s ti m ulu s to y o ur f r u str a ti o n o r u nhap pin ess?
How d o y o u r e sp ond ?
What o th er c ho ic es m ig ht e xis t b etw een th e s ti m ulu s a nd th e r e sp onse ?
As th is situ ati o n aris e s, re m em ber yo ur ab ility to cho ose yo ur re sp onse and cho ose o ne o f th e re sp onse s y o u c am e u p w ith i n th e q uesti o n a b ove.
You c an M AST ER th e m om ent b etw een a n egati v e s ti m ulu s a nd y o ur re sp onse b y fo llo w in g th ese ste p s:
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M easu re h o w i m porta nt th e s itu ati o n i s to y o u o n a s c ale o f 1 –5.
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A sse ss y o ur i n iti a l r e acti o n— fr u str a ti o n, a nger, f e ar, e tc .
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S ee th e s ti m ulu s/r e sp onse m odel i n y o ur m in d .
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T hin k a b out a p ro acti v e r e sp onse .
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E ngage o r e xit— use th e r e sp onse y o u’v e c ho se n o r e xit th e s itu ati o n.
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R ev ie w y o ur p erfo rm ance to s e e h o w p ro acti v e y o u a re .
Thin k o f a re cent situ ati o n (p ossib ly th e o ne y o u c ho se e arlie r) a nd ta ke it th ro ugh th e M AST ER ste p s.
M easu re A sse ss S ee T hin k E ngage o r e xit R ev ie w Would th e o utc o m e h av e b een d iffe re nt i f y o u h ad u se d th is te chniq ue?
Use th e M AST ER c hecklis t fo r o ne w eek. M ake a c o nsc io us e ffo rt to u se y o ur “ p ause ” b utto n in th e mom ent o f c ho ic e a nd w ork to w ard p ro acti v e r e sp onse s. A sse ss y o ur p ro gre ss a t th e e nd o f th e w eek by a nsw erin g th ese q uesti o ns:
1. W hat w ere th e o utc o m es to m y c o nsc io us, p ro acti v e r e sp onse s?
2. W hat w ould h av e b een th e o utc o m es h ad I c ho se n r e acti v e r e sp onse s?
3. I n w hat w ays h av e m y p ro acti v e r e sp onse s i m pro ved m y l ife ?
Rem em ber th at m aste rin g p ro acti v e re sp onse s w ill ta ke ti m e and p ra cti c e. Y ou m ay no t alw ays su cceed , b ut j u st r e m em berin g th at y o u h av e a c ho ic e w ill m ake a g re at d eal o f d iffe re nce.
HOW L A RGE I S Y OUR C IR CLE?
Yo u h ave c o ntr o l o ver th re e th in gs: w hat y o u th in k, w hat y o u s a y, a nd h ow y o u b eh ave.
To m ake a c h ange i n y o ur l ife , y o u m ust r e co gniz e t h ese g ifts a re t h e m ost p ow erfu l t o ols yo u p osse ss i n s h apin g t h e f o rm o f y o ur l ife .
—S ONYA F RIE D M AN The p ro ble m s, c halle nges, a nd o pportu niti e s w e f a ce e ach d ay f a ll i n to tw o a re as: C ir c le o f C oncern and C ir c le o f I n flu ence. W e e ach h av e a w id e r a nge o f c o ncern s— our h ealth , o ur c hild re n, p ro ble m s at w ork , th e n ati o nal d eb t, te rro ris m in th e w orld , th e w eath er. A s w e lo ok a t th is lis t, it b eco m es ap pare nt th at th ere a re s o m e th in gs o ver w hic h w e h av e n o re al c o ntr o l a nd o th ers th at w e c an d o so m eth in g a b out. P ro acti v e p eo ple fo cus th eir e ffo rts o n th eir C ir c le o f In flu ence. T hey w ork o n th e th in gs th ey c an d o s o m eth in g a b out: h ealth , c hild re n, p ro ble m s a t w ork . R eacti v e p eo ple fo cus th eir effo rts in th e C ir c le o f C oncern , th in gs o ver w hic h th ey h av e littl e o r n o c o ntr o l: th e n ati o nal d eb t, te rro ris m , th e w eath er. G ain in g a n a w are ness o f i n w hic h a re a w e e xp end o ur e nerg ie s i s a g ia nt s te p in d ev elo pin g p ro acti v ity .
Durin g th is w eek, w rite d ow n th e v ario us c halle nges a nd p ro ble m s y o u fa ce. W hic h a re a d oes e ach fa ll w ith in ? W hat i s y o ur i m med ia te r e sp onse ? Keep in g in m in d th e a b ove m odel a nd m akin g y o ur C ir c le o f In flu ence g ro w , c ho ose o ne c halle nge fr o m e ach o f th e a re as a b ove th at y o u w ould lik e to w ork o n d urin g th e n ext w eek. H ow w ill y o u change y o ur r e sp onse to m eet th e c halle nge m ore e ffe cti v ely ?
1. C ir c le o f I n flu ence 2. C ir c le o f C oncern TA KIN G I N IT IA TIV E Dem osth enes, o ne o f A ris to tl e ’s c o nte m pora rie s, d esp era te ly w ante d to b e a p ub lic s p eaker. B ut h is in arti c ula te a nd s ta m merin g p ro nuncia ti o n m ad e a tta in in g h is d re am s e em u nlik ely . T hro ugh c o nsc io us end eav or, D em osth enes o verc am e his lim ita ti o ns. H e le arn ed to sp eak d is ti n ctl y b y ta lk in g w ith peb ble s in his m outh , and fu rth er tr a in ed his voic e by sp eakin g and re citi n g sp eeches w hile bre ath le ssly r u nnin g u p a nd d ow n s ta ir s .
Is th ere so m eth in g y o u h av e a lw ays w ante d to d o b ut fe lt y o u d id n’t h av e th e ta le nt, ti m e, o r ab ility ? W hat w ould it ta ke fo r y o u to o verc o m e y o ur w eaknesse s? W hat o ne th in g c an y o u d o th is week to b egin ?
Hav e y o u e v er tr ie d to p ut th e s k id s o n a n a nt? It’ s v ir tu ally im possib le . T hey n ev er s to p. P ut o ne to th e te st s o m ed ay. P re te nd y o u’re fiv e y ears o ld a gain , a nd m ake a littl e h ill in a n a nt’ s p ath . T he a nt will w alk u p a nd o ver th e to p w ith o ut b ra kin g. It w ill g o in to a h o le , o ver a lo g, th ro ugh g ra ss. If it can’t g o th ro ugh, it w ill g o a ro und . A n a nt w ill n ev er tu rn a ro und a nd w alk th e o th er w ay, n o m atte r what o bsta cle s a re i n i ts p ath .
Try a p ply in g th at te nacity to y o ur life . O f c o urs e , y o u’ll w ant to u se y o ur b ra in , to o. B ut in th e dete rm in ati o n d ep artm ent, b e a n a nt. R efu se to b e s to pped . K eep g o in g, m ake p ro acti v e c ho ic es, a nd le arn a s y o u g o . P eo ple w ho p ati e ntl y p ers is t f in ally s e e th eir d re am s c o m e tr u e.
Got C oura g e?!
If y o u c o uld d ev elo p a n ew ta le nt, w hat w ould i t b e?
If y o u c o uld tr a v el to a nyw here i n th e w orld , w here w ould i t b e?
If y o u c o uld c hange o ne th in g a b out y o ur l ife , w hat w ould i t b e?
What’ s s to ppin g y o u fr o m d oin g a ny o r a ll o f th ese th in gs? Y ou h av e th e c ho ic e, d on’t y o u? W hat would it b e lik e if y o u liv ed y o ur life a s a w ork o f a rt in p ro gre ss? If e ach b re ath a nd e ach a cti o n were p art o f an unfo ld in g m aste rp ie ce? If yo u sa w th e sh ad ow s and lig ht are as as p art o f th e co m positi o n? A ccep te d i t a ll? F ound j o y i n th e b eauty o f i t?
Where a re y o ur c ho ic es ta kin g y o u? W hat y o u m ake o f y o ur life is u p to y o u. E very p ers o n cre ate s h is o r h er o w n re ality . A uth o rs h ip o f y o ur life is o ne o f y o ur a b so lu te rig hts , y et s o o fte n peo ple d eny th at th ey h av e th e a b ility to s c rip t th e life th ey d esir e . T hey lo ok p ast th e fu nd am enta l tr u th th at it is n o t o ur e xte rn al re so urc es th at d ete rm in e o ur s u ccess o r fa ilu re , b ut ra th er o ur o w n belie f i n o urs e lv es a nd o ur w illin gness to c re ate a l ife a cco rd in g to o ur h ig hest a sp ir a ti o ns.
Got C oura g e?!
Use th e sp ace b elo w to re co rd yo ur p la n fo r im ple m enti n g w ays to m ake yo ur answ ers to th e questi o ns o n p ages 3 7 a nd 3 8 c o m e to f r u iti o n.
HABIT 2 BEG IN W IT H T H E E N D I N M IN D ® B efo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 9 6–144 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
HABIT 2 : B EG IN W IT H T H E E N D I N M IN D Im agin in g w hat y o u w ant a s i f i t a lr e a dy e xis ts o pen s t h e d oor t o l e ttin g i t h appen .
— S HAK TI G AW AIN S O, W HAT D O Y OU W ANT to b e w hen y o u g ro w u p ? T hat q uesti o n m ay a p pear a littl e tr ite a t fir s t, b ut ju st th in k a b out i t f o r a m om ent. A re y o u— rig ht n o w — who y o u w ant to b e, w hat y o u d re am ed y o u’d be, d oin g w hat y o u a lw ays w ante d to d o? N ow , b e h o nest. W ell, a re y o u?
It’ s in cre d ib ly e asy to g et c aught u p in th e a cti v ity tr a p , in th e “ b usy ness” o f life , to w ork h ard er and h ard er a t c lim bin g th e la d der o f s u ccess, o nly to d is c o ver, u p on re achin g th e to p ru ng, th at th e la d der is le anin g a gain st th e w ro ng w all. S om eti m es p eo ple fin d th em se lv es a chie v in g v ic to rie s th at are e m pty — su ccesse s th at h av e c o m e a t th e e xp ense o f th in gs th ey s u d denly re aliz e w ere fa r m ore valu ab le to th em . I f y o ur l a d der i s n o t l e anin g a gain st th e r ig ht w all, e v ery s te p y o u ta ke j u st g ets y o u to th e w ro ng p la ce f a ste r. H ow d ep re ssin g i s th at?
Hab it 2 : B egin w ith th e E nd in M in d is b ase d o n im agin ati o n— th e a b ility to e nv is io n, s e e th e pote nti a l, c re ate w ith o ur m in d s w hat w e c anno t a t p re se nt s e e w ith o ur e yes a nd c o nsc ie nce. It is base d o n th e p rin cip le th at a ll th in gs a re c re ate d tw ic e. T here is a m enta l (o r fir s t) c re ati o n a nd a physic al ( o r s e co nd ) c re ati o n. T he s e co nd c re ati o n fo llo w s fr o m th e fir s t, ju st a s a b uild in g fo llo w s fr o m a b lu ep rin t. I t’ s th e s a m e i n y o ur p ers o nal l ife . I f y o u d on’t m ake a c o nsc io us e ffo rt to v is u aliz e who y o u a re a nd w hat y o u w ant in life , th en y o u e m pow er o th er p eo ple a nd c ir c um sta nces to s h ap e yo u a nd y o ur life b y d efa ult. It’ s a b out c o nnecti n g a gain w ith y o ur o w n u niq ueness a nd th en d efin in g th e p ers o nal, m ora l, a nd e th ic al g uid elin es w ith in w hic h y o u c an m ost h ap pily e xp re ss a nd fu lfill it.
To b egin w ith th e e nd in m in d m eans to b egin e ach d ay, ta sk , o r p ro je ct w ith a c le ar v is io n o f y o ur desir e d d ir e cti o n a nd d esti n ati o n, a nd th en c o nti n ue b y f le xin g y o ur p ro acti v e m usc le s to m ake th in gs hap pen.
CH EC K IN G Y OUR V IS IO N It’ s ti m e fo r a p ers o nal v is io n c heckup . T ake a m in ute a nd th in k a b out e ach q uesti o n b elo w . W rite yo ur th o ughts i n th e s p ace p ro vid ed .
What a m I d oin g r ig ht n o w w ith m y l ife ? D oes i t m ake m e h ap py? D o I f e el f u lfille d ?
What d o I k eep g ra v ita ti n g to w ard ? I s i t d iffe re nt f r o m w hat I a m c urre ntl y d oin g?
What d id I l ik e to d o a s a c hild ? D o th o se th in gs s ti ll b rin g m e s a ti s fa cti o n? A m I d oin g a ny o f th em ?
What i n te re sts m e m ost r ig ht n o w ?
What f ills m y s o ul?
What c an I d o w ell? W hat a re m y u niq ue tr a its a nd s tr e ngth s?
DEV ELO PIN G A P ER SO NAL M IS SIO N S TA TEM EN T ® One o f th e b est w ays to b egin w ith th e e nd in m in d a nd in co rp ora te H ab it 2 in to y o ur life is to dev elo p a P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent. It fo cuse s o n w hat y o u w ant to b e a nd d o. It is y o ur p la n fo r su ccess. I t r e affir m s w ho y o u a re , p uts y o ur g o als i n f o cus, a nd m oves y o ur i d eas i n to th e r e al w orld .
Your m is sio n sta te m ent m akes y o u th e le ad er o f y o ur o w n life . Y ou c re ate y o ur o w n d esti n y a nd se cure th e fu tu re y o u e nv is io n. H ow a b out th at? L ook a gain a t y o ur re sp onse s to th e q uesti o ns in Checkin g Y our V is io n o n p ages 4 2 a nd 4 3. I t’ s v ery l ik ely th at y o ur tr u e m is sio n i n l ife i s b egin nin g to su rfa ce a gain .
Let’ s g et to w ork o n y o ur P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent. T he s o oner y o u h av e a c le ar v is io n o f what y o u w ant to b e a nd th e c o ntr ib uti o ns y o u w ant to m ake, th e m ore e ffe cti v e y o u’ll b e i n y o ur l ife .
Keep in m in d th at a P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent is , w ell, p ers o nal. T here is n o s e t le ngth o r s ty le . It can b e a p oem , a fe w s e nte nces, a fe w p ages, o r e v en a s o ng. A s a s c ulp to r m ust b rin g s h ap e, c o lo r, and exp re ssio n to his cla y, th e sa m e is tr u e of yo ur m is sio n sta te m ent. Y ou brin g yo ur past exp erie nces, w is d om , i d eas, a nd c re ati v ity to th e p ro cess o f c re ati n g a P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent. I f what y o u w rite f e els f la t a nd u nexciti n g, y o u’re o n th e w ro ng tr a ck. I f th e w ord s o verw helm y o u w ith em oti o n a nd e xcite m ent, y o u’re o nto s o m eth in g!
Begin nin g o n th e n ext p age a re s ix s te p s th at w ill h elp y o u d ev elo p a P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent.
Ste p 1 : B ra in sto rm I d eas In th e sp ace pro vid ed , w rite ab out each of th e th re e to pic s belo w w ith o ut sto ppin g. T his is fr e ew riti n g, s o d on’t w orry a b out s p ellin g, p unctu ati o n, e tc . I f y o u h it a p oin t w here y o u c an’t th in k o f anyth in g to w rite , ju st k eep g o in g a nd w rite a nd w ord s o r p hra se s th at c o m e im med ia te ly to m in d .
Rem em ber, y o u’re b ra in sto rm in g a nd n o t w riti n g a f in al d ra ft. T he p urp ose i s to c ap tu re y o ur i d eas o n pap er. S pend tw o to th re e m in ute s o n e ach q uesti o n.
1.
Id en tify a n i n flu en tia l p erso n.
Id enti fy o ne p ers o n w ho h ad ( k no w in gly o r u nkno w in gly ) a p ositi v e i n flu ence o n y o ur l ife . W hat are th e q ualiti e s y o u m ost a d m ir e i n th is p ers o n? W hat q ualiti e s d id y o u g ain f r o m th is p ers o n?
2.
Defin e w ho y o u w ant t o b eco m e.
Im agin e i t’ s tw enty y ears i n th e f u tu re . Y ou h av e a chie v ed a ll y o u e v er h o ped to a chie v e. W hat i s yo ur l is t o f a cco m plis h m ents ? W hat d o y o u w ant to h av e, d o, a nd b e?
3.
Dete rm in e w hat i s i m porta nt t o y o u t o day.
Ste p 2 : T ak e a B re ath er Now ta ke a d eep b re ath a nd r e la x. P ut y o ur w riti n g a sid e f o r a f e w m in ute s a nd w alk a w ay f r o m i t.
Ste p 3 : G ath er Y our T houghts Rev ie w w hat y o u’v e w ritte n a nd c ir c le th e k ey id eas, w ord s, a nd p hra se s th at y o u w ould lik e to in clu d e i n y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent. Ste p 4 : W rit e a R ough D ra ft Now it’ s ti m e to w rite a ro ugh d ra ft o f y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent. T here a re s o m e P ers o nal M is sio n Sta te m ent e xam ple s o n p ages 5 0 a nd 5 1 to h elp g et y o u th in kin g. D urin g th e w eek, c arry y o ur r o ugh dra ft w ith y o u a nd m ake n o te s, a d diti o ns, a nd d ele ti o ns a s n eed ed e ach d ay. Y ou m ay w is h to w rite a new d ra ft e ach d ay o r e v ery o th er d ay. T his is a n o ngo in g e xerc is e . Y our m is sio n sta te m ent w ill change o ver ti m e a s y o u c hange. T ake s o m e ti m e r ig ht n o w a nd c o m pose a r o ugh d ra ft o f y o ur m is sio n sta te m ent.
MIS SIO N S TA TEM EN T R O UGH D RA FT Ste p 5 : C om ple te Y our M is sio n S ta te m ent At th e e nd o f th e w eek, w rite a f in al c o py o f y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent a nd f in d a p erm anent p la ce f o r i t where y o u c an e asily a ccess i t. I f y o u w ould l ik e, y o u c an c o m pose y o ur P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent belo w a nd th en te ar i t o ut.
MY M IS SIO N S TA TEM EN T Ste p 6 : P erio dic ally R evie w a n d E valu ate Every m onth o r s o a sk y o urs e lf th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns:
Do I f e el th at th is m is sio n s ta te m ent r e p re se nts th e b est w ith in m e?
Do I f e el d ir e cti o n, p urp ose , c halle nge, a nd m oti v ati o n w hen I r e v ie w m y m is sio n s ta te m ent?
Am I liv in g m y life a cco rd in g to th e id eals a nd v alu es th at a re in co rp ora te d in m y m is sio n sta te m ent?
PER SO NAL M IS SIO N S TA TEM EN T E X A M PLES E XA M PLE 1 My l ife i s a n a d ventu re to s a v or a nd e njo y. I h av e a g re at p urp ose a nd d esti n y. I n m y l ife I w ill: Love a nd s e rv e G od, f a m ily , a nd n eig hb ors .
Hav e j o y i n s e rv in g.
Build a nd s tr e ngth en y o ung p eo ple .
Seek tr u th .
Dev elo p w is d om .
Teach.
Set a n e xam ple .
Share .
Hav e h ealth a nd s tr e ngth .
Be f a ith fu l.
Walk i n p eace.
Pra y.
Lis te n.
Be p ati e nt.
Culti v ate p eace a nd h arm ony.
Hono r m y m oth er.
Rem em ber w ho I a m , w here I c am e f r o m , a nd m y p urp ose .
Exam ple 2 My m is sio n is to g iv e, fo r g iv in g is w hat I d o b est, a nd I c an le arn to d o b ette r. I w ill s e ek to le arn , fo r le arn in g is th e b asis fo r g ro w th , a nd g ro w in g is th e k ey to liv in g. I w ill s e ek fir s t to u nd ers ta nd , fo r u nd ers ta nd in g i s th e k ey to f in d in g v alu e, a nd v alu e i s th e b asis f o r r e sp ect, d ecis io ns, a nd a cti o n.
This s h o uld b e m y fir s t a ct w ith m y w ife , m y fa m ily , a nd m y b usin ess. I w ant to h elp in flu ence th e fu tu re d ev elo pm ent o f p eo ple a nd o rg aniz a ti o ns. I w ant to te ach m y c hild re n a nd o th ers to lo ve a nd la ugh, to le arn a nd g ro w b eyo nd th eir c ur-re nt b ound s. I w ill b uild p ers o nal, b usin ess, a nd c iv ic re la ti o nsh ip s b y g iv in g i n f r e q uent l ittl e w ays.
Exam ple 3 To c u ltiv a te a u niv ersa l r e sp onsib ility f o r o ne a noth er a nd t h e p la net w e s h are .
—T HE D ALA I L AM A RO LES A ND G O ALS Now th at y o u h av e a ro ugh d ra ft o f y o ur P ers o nal M is sio n S ta te m ent in p ro gre ss, it’ s im porta nt to co nsid er th e ro le s a nd g o als in y o ur life a nd h o w th ey re la te to y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent. R ole s a nd go als g iv e s tr u ctu re a nd o rg aniz e d d ir e cti o n to y o ur p ers o nal m is sio n. W e’ll ta ckle r o le s f ir s t.
Role s You liv e y o ur life in te rm s o f ro le s— no t in th e s e nse o f ro le -p la yin g, b ut in th e s e nse o f a uth enti c re la ti o nsh ip s a nd r e sp onsib iliti e s y o u’v e c o m mitte d to . Y ou m ay h av e i m porta nt r o le s i n y o ur f a m ily , in th e co m munity , at w ork , or in oth er are as of yo ur life . R ole s re p re se nt re sp onsib iliti e s, re la ti o nsh ip s, a nd a re as o f c o ntr ib uti o n.
You m ay d efin e y o ur f a m ily r o le a s s im ply “ fa m ily m em ber.” O r y o u m ay c ho ose to d iv id e i t i n to ro le s s u ch a s “ p artn er” a nd “ p are nt.” Y our p ro fe ssio n o r w ork life m ay c o nta in s e v era l ro le s. F or exam ple , y o u m ay h av e o ne r o le in a d m in is tr a ti o n a nd a no th er in m ark eti n g. It’ s u p to y o u to d efin e yo ur r o le s i n a w ay th at w ork s f o r y o u.
In th e s p ace p ro vid ed o n th e n ext p age, w rite y o ur ro le s. D on’t b e to o c o ncern ed a b out g etti n g th em “ rig ht” th e fir s t ti m e. J u st w rite th e o nes th at fe el r ig ht fo r y o u. T ry to lim it th e n um ber o f r o le s on y o ur lis t to s e v en o r le ss. If y o u h av e m ore th an s e v en, c o m bin e s o m e fu ncti o ns to g et d ow n to se v en o r le ss. N ext to th e r o le , w rite a d esc rip ti o n o f w hat o pti m al p erfo rm ance in th at r o le w ould lo ok l ik e f o r y o u.
S AM PLE R OLES: When y o u id enti fy y o ur r o le s, y o u c re ate a v arie ty o f p ers p ecti v es fr o m w hic h to e xam in e y o ur life .
As y o u i n co rp ora te y o ur g o als i n to y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent, y o u g iv e b ala nce a nd h arm ony to y o ur l ife .
Goals Now th at y o u’v e id enti fie d y o ur r o le s, it’ s ti m e to th in k a b out th e g o als th at s u rro und y o ur m is sio n.
Goals a re w hat g iv e y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent m om entu m . T hey c re ate a p la n o f a cti o n a nd h elp m easu re wheth er o r n o t y o u a re s u ccessfu lly liv in g y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent. M any o f th e g o als th at flo w fr o m yo ur m is sio n s ta te m ent w ill b e lo ng-te rm . S ho rt- te rm g o als , s u ch a s w eekly g o als , a re im porta nt to yo ur m is sio n s ta te m ent a s w ell, a nd w e’ll e xp lo re th o se f u rth er i n H ab it 3 .
Let’ s S et S om e G oals Thin k o f g o als y o u’v e h ad in th e p ast. D id y o ur su ccess h av e a nyth in g to d o w ith y o ur m is sio n?
Chances a re , if th e g o al w asn ’t c o nnecte d to so m eth in g im porta nt, it d id n’t g et d one. T ake a fe w min ute s and re v ie w yo ur m is sio n sta te m ent. D on’t w orry if it’ s sti ll a ro ugh d ra ft. In th e sp ace pro vid ed b elo w , c re ate th re e l o ng-te rm g o als th at s u p port y o ur m is sio n.
Lon g-te rm g oal 1 Lon g-te rm g oal 2 Lon g-te rm g oal 3 REA LIZ IN G Y OUR G O ALS What? W hy? H ow ? W hen? T hese m ig ht s e em lik e s im ple w ord s a nd c o ncep ts , b ut w hen a p plie d to yo ur g o als , th ey b rin g th em i n to f o cus a nd c lo se r to r e ality . W ith e v ery g o al y o u s e t, i t’ s i m porta nt to ask y o urs e lf w hat, w hy, h o w , a nd w hen.
What?
Fir s t o f a ll, c o ngra tu la ti o ns! Y ou’v e a lr e ad y c o m ple te d th e fir s t s te p o f m anife sti n g y o ur g o als : th e “w hat.” Y ou’v e a lr e ad y c re ate d th re e l o ng-te rm g o als . Y ou’v e n am ed th re e g o als th at w ill b rin g y o ur life i n to a lig nm ent w ith w hat y o u h av e d ecre ed i s y o ur g re ate r p urp ose . ( If y o u h av en’t c re ate d th re e lo ng-te rm g o als y et, s to p r ig ht w here y o u a re a nd g o b ack to L et’ s S et S om e G oals , o n p age 5 3.) Why?
Try to a rti c ula te w hy a p arti c ula r g o al w ill s e rv e w hat y o u b elie v e in . W hy d o y o u w is h to s e e th is go al f u lfille d ? W hy i s i t i m porta nt to y o u a nd y o ur m is sio n? O fte n th ere a re c lu es a nd s e cre ts th at w ill be r e v eale d w hen d oin g th is . M any ti m es p eo ple w ho m ig ht b e a b le to h elp y o u, a nd th e th in gs y o u will n eed i n o rd er to a chie v e w hat y o u d esir e , b eco m e a p pare nt w hen th is e xp lo ra ti o n i s u nd erta ken.
Ask in g y o urs e lf “ w hy” b rin gs c la rity to y o ur g o als . C la rity i s a k ey to w ard d ete rm in ati o n a nd a cti o n.
Take so m e ti m e rig ht no w to d ete rm in e w hy th e th re e lo ng-te rm go als yo u’v e id enti fie d are im porta nt to y o u.
Why l o ng-ra nge g o al 1 i s i m porta nt to m e:
Why l o ng-ra nge g o al 2 i s i m porta nt to m e:
Why l o ng-ra nge g o al 3 i s i m porta nt to m e:
How ?
When y o u h av e ta ckle d w hat a nd w hy, th e n ext s te p is “ ho w .” H ow w ill y o u k no w w hen y o u h av e arriv ed ? H ow w ill y o u g et th ere ? H ow w ill y o u m ark th e w ay to s e ein g y o ur g o al r e aliz e d ? H ow a re yo u g o in g to g et it d one? H ow w ill y o u e m pow er y o urs e lf to a c hie v e y o ur g o al? T akin g th e ti m e to vis u aliz e a nd fe el th e “ ho w ” h elp s y o u s e e s o m e o f th e n ecessa ry s te p s to ta ke in o rd er to a chie v e yo ur g o al. T his is p erh ap s th e m ost c riti c al s te p in m akin g th at a ll- im porta nt tr a nsiti o n: tr a nsfo rm in g yo ur g o als fr o m m ere ly id eas a nd d re am s in to c o ncre te r e ality . T he m ore th o ro ughly y o u d o th is , th e easie r i t w ill b e to m ake a l is t o f th e r e alis ti c s te p s i t w ill ta ke to g et y o u w here y o u’d l ik e to b e. T ake a l o ok a t th is e xam ple :
A f a th er d ecid es h e’d l ik e to i m pro ve h is r e la ti o nsh ip w ith h is s o n a s o ne o f h is g o als . H is so n h as fa ced a lo t o f c halle nges la te ly : th e b oy’s s c ho ol- w ork is p oor, a nd h e’s fa lle n in with a q uesti o nab le c ro w d o f fr ie nd s. T he fa th er lo ves h is s o n a nd fe els th eir r e la ti o nsh ip co uld b e s tr o nger. H e’s c le ar a b out h is “ w hat” a nd h is “ w hy.” N ow f o r th e b ig “ ho w .” How d o I i n te nd to i m pro ve m y r e la ti o nsh ip w ith m y s o n?
By l o okin g f o r o pportu niti e s. ( B ut h o w ?) By i n v esti n g ti m e. ( O kay. H ow ?) By s e tti n g a sid e s p ecific ti m e. ( H ow w ill y o u g o a b out th at? ) By m akin g ti m e i n m y s c hed ule j u st f o r h im . ( S ound s g o od. H ow ?) By f in d in g a d ay w here h e a nd I c an g o a nd d o s o m eth in g s p ecia l. ( C ool. H ow ?) By d ecid in g o n a n e v ent, a nd ta kin g h im w ith m e. ( G re at! H ow ?) By g o in g h ik in g th is S atu rd ay. ( S ound s l ik e a g re at p la n! B ut s ti ll, h o w ?) By m akin g su re h e is fr e e; b y c o m mitti n g to th e p la n a nd sti c kin g w ith it. (E xcelle nt! A ny m ore “ho w s” ?) By c o m mitti n g to a ti m e e ach w eek to f in d s o m eth in g j u st f o r u s to d o a nd s ti c kin g w ith i t. ( B rillia nt.
Um , h o w ?) By te llin g h im I w ould lik e fo r th is to h ap pen s o h e k no w s a nd c an b egin to b e p art o f th e p la nnin g pro cess a s w ell. ( A w eso m e. H ow ?) By c o m mitti n g to b ein g o pen to h is s u ggesti o ns f o r th in gs to d o s o I c an r e ally b egin to u nd ers ta nd h is in te re sts a nd id eas. ( H ow m any k id s c an s a y th is is “ ho w ” th eir fa th er fig ure s in th eir liv es? P re tty am azin g s tu ff h ere !) TELL Y OURSE LF H OW Cho ose o ne o f y o ur lo ng-te rm g o als a nd p la y th e “ ho w ” g am e. M ake a lis t in d ic ati n g h o w y o u a re go in g to a chie v e y o ur g o al. E very ti m e y o u w rite d ow n a “ ho w ,” a sk y o urs e lf e xactl y h o w th at “ ho w ” will m anife st its e lf. D on’t le t y o urs e lf o ff th e h o ok s o e asily ! P ush y o urs e lf. G et s p ecific . D em and yo ur s u ccess!
When?
You’v e p ro bab ly h eard p eo ple ta lk a b out c ra m min g th e n ig ht b efo re a n e xam o r p re se nta ti o n, w ork in g well u nd er p re ssu re , m eeti n g ti g ht d ead lin es. D ead -lin es? T hey c an b e s tr e ssfu l a t ti m es, b ut th ey mean b usin ess, a nd p eo ple r e sp ond to th em . S o w hat a b out y o ur g o als ? W hy c an’t y o ur d re am s h av e dead lin es? W hat if y o u to ok y o ur g o als a s s e rio usly a s, le t’ s s a y, a p ro je ct a t w ork o r a jo b fo r a clie nt? A re n’t y o ur a sp ir a ti o ns j u st a s i m porta nt, i f n o t m ore i m porta nt?
You k no w w here y o u’re a t r ig ht n o w , a nd y o u k no w w here y o u w ant to g o . N ow , w hen d o y o u w ant to be th ere ? It’ s ti m e to g iv e y o ur lo ng-te rm g o als a d ead lin e. T urn b ack to p age 5 3 a nd s e t a d ead lin e fo r e ach o f y o ur l o ng-te rm g o als .
Now th at y o u h av e a d ead lin e s e t f o r y o ur th re e l o ng-te rm g o als , l e t’ s d ig a l ittl e d eep er. L et’ s n arro w yo ur f o cus to th e g o al y o u s e le cte d f o r th e “ ho w ” g am e. B efo re y o u s e t o ut o n a j o urn ey, y o u n eed to kno w w hat th e p ath l o oks l ik e. A re th ere m any s te p s i n v olv ed w ith th is g o al, o r d oes i t r e q uir e a f e w majo r m ile sto nes? In th e s p ace p ro vid ed o n th e n ext p age, s ta rt b ra in sto rm in g a ll th e s te p s in v olv ed .
This m eans e v ery th in g fr o m p ho ne c alls to b ud gets to d ele gati n g ta sk s. Y ou m ay n eed to p urc hase th in gs, ta lk to a d vis o rs , o r d o s o m e n etw ork in g. W hat i s i t g o in g to ta ke to g et y o u f r o m h ere to th ere ? Take a l o ok b ack a t y o ur “ ho w ” l is t. Y ou m ay h av e i d enti fie d s o m e o f th e s te p s a lr e ad y!
What a re th e s te p s th at w ill ta ke m e to m y g o al?
What g o od a re d ir e cti o ns i f th ey a re n’t i n s o m e k in d o f o rd er? T ake a l o ok a t th e s te p s i n y o ur l is t a nd prio riti z e th em to th e b est o f y o ur a b ility . W hic h th in gs m ust c o m e b efo re o th ers ? W hic h o nes c an wait u nti l f a rth er d ow n th e r o ad ? T ake a n i n v ento ry o f w hat’ s th ere a nd g iv e i t a w hir l.
GET I T T O GETH ER !
Now it’ s ti m e to b rin g it a ll to geth er. O n th e o pposite p age y o u’ll s e e a g o al- p la nnin g to ol. In th e se cti o n m ark ed L ong-T erm G oal ( W hat) , w rite th e n am e o f th e g o al y o u s e le cte d f o r th e “ ho w ” g am e.
In th e s p ace m ark ed D ead lin e ( W hen), w rite th e d ead lin e y o u s e le cte d . In th e s e cti o n Im porta nce to Mis sio n/R ole s (W hy), s u m mariz e y o ur “ w hy” re sp onse s. In th e s e cti o n S te p s (H ow ), lis t th e g o al ste p s i n th e o rd er y o u p rio riti z e d th em . A nd f in ally , i n th e D ead lin es ( W hen) c o lu m n to th e r ig ht, tr y to giv e e ach s te p a p ote nti a l d ead lin e.
GO AL P LA NNIN G Now i t’ s u p to y o u! W ith th e w hat, w hy, h o w , a nd w hen i d enti fie d f o r y o ur g o al, y o u’re o n y o ur w ay to s u ccess. Y ou c an u se th is s a m e p ro cess w ith a ll o f y o ur g o als . S in ce y o u’v e b ro ken y o ur g o al i n to ste p s, y o u c an n o w s c hed ule th o se s te p s i n to y o ur w eek, y o ur d ay, a nd e v en th e p re se nt m om ent. W hat can y o u g et d one to day, to m orro w , o r n ext w eek th at w ill b rin g y o u th at m uch c lo se r to y o ur fin al desti n ati o n? S ee if y o u c an p ro je ct a b it a nd s c hed ule ju st th e fir s t th re e s te p s o n y o ur lis t in to y o ur pla nnin g s y ste m . T he r e st w ill c o m e l a te r. T hen g o f o r i t! M ove a head e ach d ay w ith th e v is io n o f th at go al i n m in d a nd k eep p re ssin g f o rw ard . HABIT 3 PU T F IR ST T H IN G S F IR ST ® B efo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 1 45–182 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
HABIT 3 : P U T F IR ST T H IN G S F IR ST Each d ay h as i ts o w n p urp ose a nd f its i n to t h e g re a t p la n o f o ur l iv es. T his v ery m om en t ca rrie s tr a ces o f o ur life p urp ose in p la ces w here w e fo cu s o ur a tte n tio n, in w ord s o r id ea s t h at b rin g a t in gle o f e xcite m en t a nd h ope i n o ur h ea rt.
— C ARO L A DRIE N NE I N O RD ER T O L IV E a m ore b ala nced life , y o u h av e to re co gniz e th at n o t d oin g e v ery th in g th at c o m es alo ng is o kay. T here ’s n o n eed to o ver-e xte nd y o urs e lf a nym ore . A ll it ta kes is r e aliz in g th at it’ s a ll rig ht to s a y n o w hen n ecessa ry a nd th en fo cus o n y o ur h ig hest p rio riti e s. B ut b efo re y o u c an m ove ahead , y o u n eed to b eco m e c le ar a b out w ho y o u a re a nd w hat y o u r e ally w ant.
Hab it 1 s a ys, “ Y ou’re i n c harg e. Y ou’re th e c re ato r.” B ein g p ro acti v e i s a b out c ho ic e. H ab it 2 i s th e fir s t, o r m enta l, c re ati o n. B egin nin g w ith th e e nd in m in d is a b out v is io n. H ab it 3 is th e s e co nd cre ati o n, th e p hysic al c re ati o n. T his h ab it i s w here H ab its 1 a nd 2 c o m e to geth er. I t’ s d ay-in a nd d ay- out, m om ent- b y-m om ent, d oin g it. It d eals w ith m any o f th e q uesti o ns a d dre sse d in th e fie ld o f ti m e managem ent. B ut th at’ s n o t a ll it’ s a b out. H ab it 3 is a b out life m anagem ent a s w ell— yo ur p urp ose , valu es, r o le s, a nd p rio riti e s.
FIR ST T H IN GS?
What a re “ fir s t th in gs” ? F ir s t th in gs a re th o se th in gs y o u, p ers o nally , f in d m ost w orth d oin g. I f y o u p ut fir s t th in gs f ir s t, y o u a re o rg aniz in g a nd m anagin g ti m e a nd e v ents a cco rd in g to th e p ers o nal p rio riti e s yo u e sta b lis h ed i n H ab it 2 .
The s u ccessfu l p erso n h as th e h abit o f d oin g th in gs fa ilu re s d on’t lik e to d o. T hey d on’t lik e d oin g th em e ith er n ecessa rily . B ut th eir d is lik in g is s u bord in ate d to th e s tr e n gth o f th eir p urp ose .
—A LBERT E. N . G RAY Basic ally , w e s p end o ur ti m e in o ne o f fo ur w ays, a s illu str a te d in th e T im e M atr ix ™ b elo w . T his matr ix d efin es a cti v iti e s a s “ urg ent” o r “ no t u rg ent,” a nd “ im porta nt” o r “ no t im porta nt.” L et’ s s e e where y o u s p end m ost o f y o ur ti m e. TH E T IM E M ATR IX Q UIC K A SSE SSM EN T This to ol i s d esig ned to g iv e y o u a q uic k e sti m ate o f th e r e la ti v e a m ount o f ti m e a nd e nerg y y o u s p end in e ach o f th e q uad ra nts o f th e T im e M atr ix . C ir c le y o ur re sp onse fr o m 1 to 6 to e ach o f th e e ig ht questi o ns o n th e n ext p age.
SC O RIN G In str u ctio ns:
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Cir c le y o ur r e sp onse 1 –6 to e ach o f th e e ig ht q uesti o ns o n th e p re v io us p age.
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For e ach q uad ra nt, a d d y o ur r e sp onse s f o r th e q uesti o ns i n d ic ate d .
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Fill i n th e a re a i n e ach q uad ra nt u p to th e n um ber th at c o rre sp ond s to th e to ta l. Hig hly effe cti v e p eo ple d o no t re ally m anage ti m e— th ey m anage th em se lv es. W hile m ost o f th e world s p in s a ro und in Q uad ra nt I, re acti n g to u rg ent m atte rs a nd m anagin g o ne c ris is a fte r a no th er, peo ple w ho s p end a m ajo rity o f th eir ti m e in Q uad ra nt II a re le ad in g b ala nced , s e re ne, a nd o rd ere d liv es. T hey a re p la nnin g a nd e xecuti n g a cco rd in g to th eir h ig hest p rio riti e s.
Hig hly effe cti v e p eo ple are ab le to m anage th em se lv es so w ell in re la ti o n to th e p re cio us re so urc e o f ti m e b ecause th ey l iv e th e 7 H ab its , w hic h a re Q uad ra nt I I a cti v iti e s. E very o ne d eals w ith fu nd am enta lly im porta nt th in gs th at, if d one o n a r e gula r b asis , w ould m ake a p ro fo und d iffe re nce in th e q uality o f th eir l iv es.
TH E 7 H ABIT S— Q UADRA NT I I A CTIV IT IE S Habit 1 : B e P ro activ e ® . Q uad ra nt I I h as to b e a cte d u p o n p ro acti v ely , a s o ppose d to Q uad ra nts I a nd III, w hic h a re re acte d to . In Q uad ra nt II, in d iv id uals re aliz e , “ I a m n o t a p ro duct o f lim ite d ti m e; ra th er I a m a p ro duct o f m y c ho se n r e sp onse s to c ir c um sta nces.” Habit 2 : B eg in w ith th e E nd in M in d ® . A no th er Q uad ra nt II a cti v ity is to ta ke th e ti m e a nd in iti a ti v e to d ev elo p a m is sio n s ta te m ent b ase d o n p rin cip le s. A g o od m is sio n s ta te m ent i s th e k ey th at effe cti v e p eo ple u se to d is c ern w hic h th in gs a re im porta nt— whic h th in gs a re re ally w orth a cti n g up on. P eo ple w ho s p end m ost o f th eir ti m e i n Q uad ra nts I a nd I II b egin w ith n o p arti c ula r o bje cti v e i n min d , s a ilin g th ro ugh l ife w ith n o m ap , n o c o m pass, a nd l im ite d v is io n.
Habit 3 : P ut F ir st T hin gs F ir st ® . H ab it 3 is th e e sse nce o f Q uad ra nt II— p utti n g fir s t th o se th in gs th at a re i m porta nt a nd i n l in e w ith o ne’s m is sio n s ta te m ent. T his h ab it r e p re se nts th e p ro cess o f co m ple ti n g ta sk s a cco rd in g to o ne’s h ig hest p rio riti e s. P eo ple w ho s p end th eir ti m e in Q uad ra nts I and I II p ut s e co nd th in gs f ir s t, r e acti n g to p re ssin g, p opula r, p le asa nt, a nd p ro xim ate th in gs.
Habit 4 : T hin k W in -W in ® . F orm in g W in -W in a gre em ents is a ls o a Q uad ra nt II a cti v ity . N ot o nly does i t ta ke r e al e ffo rt, i t a ls o r e q uir e s g o od c o m munic ati o n s k ills a nd a h ig h tr u st l e v el. Q uad ra nts I II and I V m ay l e ad to j u st th e o pposite : W in -L ose o r L ose -W in . Habit 5 : S eek F ir st t o U ndersta nd, T hen t o B e U ndersto od ® . P eo ple w ith a Q uad ra nt I m in d -s e t want to d o o nly th e e xp ed ie nt th in g— to b e u nd ers to od. T his m in d -s e t i n ev ita b ly l e ad s to c o nflic t a nd a b re akd ow n o f c o m munic ati o n. O n th e o th er h and , th o se w ith a Q uad ra nt II m in d -s e t s u b ord in ate th eir d esir e to b e h eard in o rd er to fir s t u nd ers ta nd . U nd ers ta nd in g r e q uir e s p erc ep ti v e o bse rv ati o n and e m path ic l is te nin g, a nd i s th e e sse nce o f e ffe cti v e c o m munic ati o n— a Q uad ra nt I I a cti v ity .
Habit 6 : S yn erg iz e ® . In Q uad ra nt I, p eo ple fu ncti o n in d ep end entl y o f o th ers . T hey re sis t in p ut fr o m o th ers , a nd th eir fo cus is o n e ffic ie ncy— getti n g th e jo b d one w hile m in im iz in g c o nflic t. T he re su lt is u su ally a n in fe rio r p ro duct o r a m ed io cre s e rv ic e. C onv ers e ly , a p ers o n w ith a Q uad ra nt II min d -s e t a cti v ely s e eks fe ed back fr o m p eo ple w ho s e e th in gs d iffe re ntl y fr o m h o w h e o r s h e d oes, re su lti n g i n a b ette r s o lu ti o n o r a h ig her-q uality p ro duct o r s e rv ic e.
Habit 7 : S harp en th e S aw ® . S in ce th e h ab it o f s e lf- re new al is n o t u rg ent a nd ta kes ti m e, m ost peo ple n egle ct i t. T akin g ti m e to S harp en th e S aw i s a f u nd am enta l Q uad ra nt I I a cti v ity th at a ffe cts a ll th e o th er hab its . S pend in g ti m e o n p ers o nal d ev elo pm ent, p re v enti o n, re la ti o nsh ip b uild in g, and pla nnin g a re e xam ple s o f Q uad ra nt I I a cti v iti e s, a nd r e q uir e a cti o n.
MY P R IO RIT IE S A ND H OW I S P EN D M Y T IM E Rev ie w y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent, ro le s a nd g o als , a nd c urre nt w eekly p la n. W hat a re y o ur to p th re e prio riti e s f o r th is w eek? T hese a re y o ur Q uad ra nt I I a cti v iti e s. W rite th em b elo w .
Durin g th e n ext w eek, k eep tr a ck o f h o w y o u a re s p end in g y o ur ti m e. I n th e T im e M atr ix a b ove, w rite th e a cti v iti e s th at b elo ng i n e ach q uad ra nt.
Did y o u m eet y o ur Q uad ra nt I I p rio riti e s? I f n o t, w hy n o t?
In th e s p ace b elo w , d ecid e o n a p la n fo r h o w y o u w ill b ette r m eet th o se Q uad ra nt II p rio riti e s n ext week. W rite yo ur pla n in yo ur cho se n pla nnin g to ol and sc hed ule any ap pro pria te ta sk s and ap poin tm ents .
PU RPO SE So, n o w y o u k no w w here y o u a re s p end in g m ost o f y o ur ti m e. A re y o u in te re ste d in r a is in g th e b ar?
Are y o u i n te re ste d i n p ullin g y o urs e lf o ut o f Q uad ra nts I , I II, a nd I V a nd i n to Q uad ra nt I I? L et’ s f ig ure out h o w y o u c an d o th at.
Som etim es in y o ur life y o u w ill g o o n a jo urn ey. I t w ill b e th e lo ngest jo urn ey y o u h ave ever t a ken . I t i s t h e j o urn ey t o f in d y o urse lf.
—K AT H ERIN E S HARP Where i s y o ur j o urn ey ta kin g y o u? W hat l ittl e i s su es a re b lo ckin g y o ur e nerg y? W hat i s y o ur p urp ose ?
Take a f e w m in ute s to w rite d ow n y o ur th o ughts a b out w here y o u a re i n y o ur j o urn ey.
Don’t fe el a s if y o u a re o ut o f th e o rd in ary if y o u s tr u ggle w ith th is . M any p eo ple d o. M any ti m es, th in kin g a b out w hat y o ur “ fir s t th in gs” a re c an h elp m ove y o u a lo ng th e p ath . K eep in g y o ur f ir s t th in gs in m in d , r e sp ond to th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns:
1. D o y o u r e ally w ant to p urs u e a nd f o llo w y o ur p urp ose ? I f s o , w hy? I f n o t, w hy n o t?
2. W hat i s a nd i s n ’t w ork in g i n y o ur l ife ?
3. W hat d o y o u w ant to c hange a b out y o ur l ife ?
4. B efo re y o u b eco m e o verw helm ed , lis t s o m e sm all c hanges y o u c an m ake r ig ht n o w in ste ad o f tr y in g to ta ke o n e v ery th in g a t o nce.
5. N ow th at y o u’v e w ritte n d ow n so m e o f th e “ rig ht n o w ” th in gs y o u c an d o, c re ate se v era l re alis ti c , l o ng-te rm g o als a nd s tr a te gie s th at w ill m ove y o u f o rw ard o n y o ur j o urn ey. Y ou m ay want to r e fe r b ack to y o ur g o als f r o m H ab it 2 .
6. H ow are yo u go in g to ho ld yo urs e lf acco unta b le fo r fo llo w in g th ro ugh o n yo ur go als and str a te gie s?
Rem em ber to l is te n to y o ur i n ner v oic e to g uid e y o u a lo ng th e p ath . F org et a b out w hat o th ers th in k o f yo ur d esir e to c hange. B elie v e th at a nyth in g is p ossib le w hen y o u’re “ o n p urp ose .” R ealiz e th at ev ery th in g h ap pens f o r a r e aso n w hen i t i s s u p pose d to h ap pen, b ut i t’ s u p to y o u to m ake i t o r b re ak it!
VA LU ES When y o u w ere a nsw erin g th e q uesti o ns a b out y o ur p urp ose , d id y o u fin d th at s o m e o f y o ur v alu es cro pped u p ? T hat’ s n o t s u rp ris in g w hen y o u c o nsid er th at y o ur p urp ose is , in s o m e w ays, d riv en b y yo ur v alu es. T im e a nd life m anagem ent ( fo urth -g enera ti o n ti m e m anagem ent) r e co gniz e s th at p eo ple are m ore i m porta nt th an th in gs. I t h elp s g iv e d ir e cti o n a nd p urp ose to th e w ay y o u s p end e ach d ay. D o yo u l iv e w hat y o u b elie v e?
Yo u a re a d is c ip le , a fo llo w er, o f y o ur o w n d eep v a lu es a nd th eir s o urc e. A nd y o u h ave th e w ill, th e in te g rity , to s u bord in ate y o ur fe elin gs, y o ur im puls e s, y o ur m oods to th ose va lu es.
— S TEPH EN R . C OVEY Answ er th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns a nd e xp lo re a ny r e currin g th em es.
1. W hat d o y o u w ant to c o ntr ib ute ?
2. W hat i n te re sts y o u m ost?
3. W hat d o y o u f e el p assio nate a b out?
4. W hat i s i m porta nt to y o u?
5. W hat d o y o u w ant to a cco m plis h ?
6. W hat d o y o u b elie v e i n ?
7. W hat i s y o ur p ote nti a l?
8. W hat d o y o u s ta nd f o r?
9. W hat v alu es a re m ost i m porta nt to y o u?
Are y o u b egin nin g to g et a fe el fo r w here y o u s ta nd , w hat y o u v alu e, a nd w hat y o ur p urp ose is ? It’ s nev er e asy to ta ke a g o od, h ard l o ok a t o ne’s l ife . B elie v in g i n s o m eth in g m akes i t p ossib le . I t d oesn ’t necessa rily m ake it e asy. G oin g th ro ugh th is p ro cess w ill h elp y o u h av e a c le ar k no w le d ge a nd und ers ta nd in g o f w hat y o ur h ig hest p rio riti e s r e ally a re . T he n ext s te p i s to l o ok a t th e r o le s y o u p la y and h o w y o u c an b ala nce th em a ll.
RO LES There c o m es a p oin t in m any p eo ple ’s liv es w hen th ey c a n n o lo nger p la y th e r o le th ey have c h ose n f o r t h em se lv es. W hen t h at h appen s, w e a re l ik e a cto rs f in din g t h at s o m eo ne has c h anged t h e p la y.
— B RIA N M OORE In H ab it 2 , y o u l is te d th e r o le s y o u p la y e ach d ay. H ow d o y o ur r o le s ti e i n w ith H ab it 3 a nd y o ur f ir s t th in gs? W ith y o ur p urp ose a nd v alu es? A s y o u p la n y o ur w eek u sin g y o ur c ho se n p la nnin g to ol, b e su re y o u s c hed ule a cti v iti e s i n e ach k ey r o le .
Make a lis t o f y o ur k ey r o le s a nd jo t d ow n a n a cti v ity y o u w ill s c hed ule in th e c o m in g w eek fo r each o f th em . R em em ber, y o u m ay n o t h av e a s p ecific ta sk o r a p poin tm ent a ssig ned f o r e ach r o le . Y ou may lis t so m eth in g su ch a s “ B e a b ette r lis te ner” u nd er y o ur ro le a s p are nt. T he k ey q uesti o n is , “W hat i s th e m ost i m porta nt th in g y o u c an d o i n th is r o le th is w eek?” 1.
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Now tr a nsfe r w hat y o u’v e w ritte n to y o ur W eekly C om pass ® if y o u’re u sin g a F ra nklin P la nnin g Syste m , o r to a n a p pro pria te p la ce i n a no th er p la nnin g to ol.
PR IO RIT IE S The k ey i s n ot t o p rio ritiz e w hat’s o n y o ur s c h ed ule , b ut t o s c h ed ule y o ur p rio ritie s.
— S TEPH EN R . C OVEY Sched ulin g y o ur life a ro und y o ur h ig hest p rio riti e s m ay s e em d aunti n g. In r e ality , it’ s a s im ple , c le ar pro cess th at w ill m ove y o u f o rw ard o n y o ur j o urn ey— if y o u a re c le ar a b out y o ur p rio riti e s f ir s t!
What a re y o ur to p f iv e p rio riti e s? L is t th em b elo w .
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Is i t r e alis ti c to th in k y o u c an a cco m plis h a ll f iv e o f th e p rio riti e s y o u l is te d a b ove? H av e y o u th o ught ab out d ele gati n g a nyth in g?
Som e p eo ple th in k o f d ele gati o n a s g iv in g u p c o ntr o l o r a d m itti n g y o u “ can’t d o it a ll.” W ell, s o what if y o u c an’t d o it a ll? T he re ality is th at n o o ne c an d o it a ll w ith e xcelle nce a ll o f th e ti m e.
Dele gati n g to q ualifie d o th ers f r e es y o u u p to p ut y o ur e nerg y i n to th e th in gs th at a re tr u ly y o ur h ig hest prio riti e s.
Look b ack a t th e l is t o f y o ur f iv e h ig hest p rio riti e s. T ake a f e w m in ute s to r e ally th in k a b out th em and th en p rio riti z e th em i n o rd er o f i m porta nce. W rite th e l is t a gain b elo w .
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Now lo ok a t y o ur fo urth a nd fifth p rio riti e s. D ecid e h o w y o u c o uld d ele gate a t le ast a s m all p art o f each to s o m eo ne e ls e s o th at th o se th in gs c o nti n ue to m ove f o rw ard w ith m in im al e ffo rt o n y o ur p art.
Write y o ur p la n b elo w .
Is th ere a nyth in g i n th e f ir s t th re e th at c o uld b e d ele gate d a s w ell? R eco rd i t b elo w .
Effe ctiv ely dele g atin g to oth ers is perh aps th e sin gle m ost pow erfu l hig h-le vera ge activ ity t h ere i s .
—S TEPH EN R . C OVEY TR U ST Did y o u j u st g o th ro ugh th e l a st e xerc is e th in kin g th ere ’s n o o ne y o u c an tr u st to d o th o se th in gs? Y ou may th in k i t’ s f a ste r a nd e asie r to d o i t y o urs e lf, b ut d oes th at a llo w o th ers to g ro w a nd d ev elo p?
It ta kes ti m e a nd p ati e nce to d ev elo p tr u st in o th ers . If y o u a re str iv in g to w ard “ ste w ard sh ip dele gati o n” ra th er th an “ go fe r d ele gati o n,” th en e v ery o ne in v olv ed w in s. In v est th e ti m e te achin g, tr a in in g, a nd e xerc is in g p ati e nce n o w , a nd th e e nd r e su lt w ill b e m ore ti m e s a v ed i n th e l o ng r u n.
Refe r b ack to th e th in gs y o u c ho se to d ele gate to s o m eo ne e ls e . W hat k in d o f d ele gati o n d id y o u assig n— ste w ard sh ip o r g o fe r?
Now l o ok a t y o ur l is t f r o m th e p ers p ecti v e o f s te w ard sh ip d ele gati o n. B egin b uild in g tr u st b y o ffe rin g opportu niti e s f o r g ro w th . W hat c hanges w ill y o u m ake to y o ur d ele gati o n? R eco rd th e c hanges b elo w and th en m ove f o rw ard o n th em .
WEEK LY P LA NNIN G So fa r, y o u’v e fig ure d o ut y o ur p urp ose , v alu es, r o le s, a nd fir s t th in gs. H ow a re y o u g o in g to m ake su re y o ur fir s t th in gs re ally a re fir s t a nd sta y fir s t? T he b est w ay w e’v e fo und is th ro ugh w eekly pla nnin g.
There a re m any d iffe re nt to ols y o u c an c ho ose to u se fo r y o ur p ers o nal p la nnin g sy ste m . A t Fra nklin C ovey, w e r e aliz e y o u h av e m any o pti o ns— p ap er-b ase d , h and held , a nd d esk to p, to n am e a fe w .
Your c ho se n to ol s h o uld h elp y o u k eep b ala nce i n y o ur l ife b y h elp in g y o u i d enti fy y o ur r o le s a nd prio riti e s. Y ou n eed a to ol th at w ill h elp y o u fo cus n o t o nly d aily , w hic h is a g re at th in g, b ut w eekly as w ell.
Org aniz in g w eekly help s keep yo u in th e fo urth genera ti o n o f ti m e and life m anagem ent. It pro vid es a la rg er c o nte xt th an s im ple d aily p la nnin g. T ru ly s c hed ulin g y o ur p rio riti e s c an b est b e done f r o m a w eekly p ers p ecti v e.
As y o u m ove fo rw ard in k eep in g y o ur fir s t th in gs fir s t, c o m mit to in v esti n g fr o m tw enty to th ir ty min ute s a w eek i n w eekly p la nnin g. F ollo w th ese s te p s a s y o u p la n:
1 .
Write d ow n y o ur k ey r o le s.
2 .
Sele ct o ne o r tw o o f y o ur h ig hest p rio riti e s to f o cus o n th is w eek.
3 .
Look a t th e w eek a nd s c hed ule y o ur ta sk s a nd a p poin tm ents .
4 .
Adap t d aily , u sin g A , B , C , 1 , 2 , 3 p rio riti z a ti o n. PA RT T H REE PU BLIC V IC TO RY ® Befo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple Perso nal W ork b ook, r e ad p ages 1 85–203 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e Peo ple . LET’S T A K E I N VEN TO RY T AKE A L O OK B A CK F O R A M OM EN T a nd s u rv ey th e te rra in y o u’v e tr a v ele d s o fa r. R em em ber th at th e s e v en H ab its a re b ase d o n a p ro cess c alle d th e i n sid e-o ut a p pro ach. T he f ir s t th re e h ab its c o ncentr a te o n th e “ in sid e” p orti o n o f th is p ro cess. S o, in o th er w ord s, y o u’v e b een th in kin g o nly a b out y o urs e lf u p u nti l th is p oin t. A nd h asn ’t it fe lt g o od? Y ou’v e b een b uild in g a nd im pro vin g y o ur re la ti o nsh ip w ith y o urs e lf— yo ur o w n c hara cte r.
Hab its 1 , 2 , a nd 3 h av e in cre ase d y o ur s e lf- re sp ect a nd s e lf- d is c ip lin e, a nd h av e le d y o u to a P riv ate V ic to ry of in d ep end ence. In ste ad of fe elin g vic ti m iz e d and im mobile , fo cusin g on th e w eaknesse s o f o th er p eo ple a nd c ir c um sta nces y o u b elie v e a re r e sp onsib le f o r y o ur c urre nt s itu ati o n, y o u i n ste ad c o nsc io usly c ho ose to f o cus o n y o ur h ig hest p rio riti e s a nd v alu es— e nv is io nin g h o w y o u c an b est le ad y o ur life a ro und th o se p rio riti e s a nd fo rm ula ti n g a p la n to e xecute o n th o se p rio riti e s.
S im ply p ut, s e lf- m aste ry is th e fo und ati o n o f g o od r e la ti o nsh ip s w ith o th ers . Y ou c an’t b e s u ccessfu l w ith o th er p eo ple i f y o u h av en’t p aid th e p ric e o f s u ccess w ith y o urs e lf. N ow , th at’ s a p ara d ig m s h ift!
Afte r e xp erie ncin g y o ur P riv ate V ic to ry , H ab its 4 , 5 , a nd 6 w ill le ad y o u to a P ub lic V ic to ry o f i n te rd ep end ence, w here yo u w ill be cap ab le of build in g ric h, end urin g, hig hly pro ducti v e r e la ti o nsh ip s w ith o th er p eo ple . I t’ s n o w ti m e to c o ncentr a te o n th e “ o ut” o f i n sid e o ut.
EM OTIO NAL B A NK A CCO UNT ® B efo re y o u m ove o n to H ab its 4 , 5 , a nd 6 , w e’d lik e to in tr o duce y o u to a p ow erfu l m eta p ho r th at e ffe cti v ely d esc rib es r e la ti o nsh ip s. I t’ s c alle d th e E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt. The E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt is a m eta p ho r th at d esc rib es th e a m ount o f tr u st y o u b uild u p in a re la ti o nsh ip . M uch lik e a fin ancia l b ank a cco unt, d ep osits a re m ad e a nd w ith d ra w als a re ta ken fr o m an E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt. W hen y o u d o s o m eth in g p ositi v e fo r a no th er p ers o n, it c an b e a m ajo r dep osit fo r th at p ers o n. D ep osits b uild a r e se rv e o f g o odw ill a nd tr u st. O n th e o th er h and , w hen y o u do s o m eth in g n egati v e to w ard a no th er p ers o n, y o u m ake a w ith d ra w al. W hen w ith d ra w als e xceed dep osits , th e a cco unt is o verd ra w n a nd th e le v el o f tr u st d ete rio ra te s. W ith y o ur re la ti o nsh ip s, it’ s vita l th at y o u m ake c o nti n ual d ep osits in o rd er to su sta in a h ig h le v el o f tr u st. T he fo llo w in g a re co m mon e m oti o nal d ep osits a nd w ith d ra w als :
TW O K EY S T O M AKIN G D EPO SIT S Ju st a s th e b ody n eed s fo od fr e q uentl y a nd c o nsis te ntl y to sta y h ealth y, re la ti o nsh ip s n eed th e sa m e n o uris h m ent a s w ell. T he c lo se r th e r e la ti o nsh ip , th e m ore fr e q uent a nd c o nsis te nt th e d ep osits need to b e. You sim ply d on’t k no w w hat c o nsti tu te s a d ep osit u nti l y o u u nd ers ta nd th e o th er p ers o n. F or so m e, re ceiv in g fe ed back and co m ments o n th in gs th ey’v e d one is a d ep osit. F or o th ers , it’ s a with d ra w al. I f y o ur m oti v es f o r m akin g a d ep osit a re n o t s in cere , o th ers w ill f e el m anip ula te d . I t’ s n o t ab out d oin g o r s a yin g th in gs th at lo ok p ositi v e. Y our in te nti o ns c an b e g o od, b ut o nly th e p ers o n y o u are i n te ra cti n g w ith c an d ecid e w heth er y o ur g estu re i s a d ep osit o r a w ith d ra w al.
ARE Y OU I N T H E R ED W IT H R ELATIO NSH IP S?
It’ s ti m e fo r a n E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt e v alu ati o n. C ho ose tw o re la ti o nsh ip s y o u w ould lik e to im pro ve a nd u se th e to ol s h o w n o n th e p re ced in g p age to d ete rm in e w heth er y o u h av e a p ositi v e o r negati v e tr u st b ala nce w ith th o se p eo ple .
Use th e E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt L og o n th e fo llo w in g p ages to r e co rd y o ur a cti o ns a nd w ord s w ith each p ers o n o ver th e n ext w eek.
Rem em ber: T his is n ot a sc o re ca rd , o nly a m eth od to h elp y o u g ain a n a w are n ess o f y o ur dep osits a nd w ith dra w als . HABIT 4 TH IN K W IN -W IN ® Befo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 2 04–234 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
HABIT 4 : T H IN K W IN -W IN A p erso n’s t r u e c h ara cte r i s r e vea le d b y w hat h e d oes w hen n o o ne e ls e i s w atc h in g.
— U NKNO W N I N A LL A REA S O F L IF E , e ffe cti v eness i s l a rg ely a chie v ed th ro ugh th e c o opera ti v e e ffo rts o f tw o o r m ore peo ple . M arria ges a nd o th er p artn ers h ip s a re i n te rd ep end ent r e aliti e s, a nd y et p eo ple o fte n a p pro ach th ese r e la ti o nsh ip s w ith a n i n d ep end ent m enta lity , w hic h i s l ik e tr y in g to p la y g o lf w ith a te nnis r a cket —th e e q uip m ent i s n ’t s u ite d to th e s p ort.
Most of us le arn to base our se lf- w orth on co m paris o ns and co m peti ti o n. W e th in k ab out su cceed in g i n te rm s o f s o m eo ne e ls e f a ilin g— th at i s , i f I w in , y o u l o se ; o r i f y o u w in , I l o se . L ife i s a ze ro -s u m g am e. T here i s o nly s o m uch p ie , a nd i f y o u g et a b ig p ie ce, th ere i s l e ss f o r m e.
Win -W in s e es l ife a s a c o opera ti v e a re na, n o t a c o m peti ti v e o ne. W in -W in i s a f r a m e o f m in d a nd heart th at c o nsta ntl y s e eks m utu al b enefit in a ll h um an in te ra cti o ns. W in -W in m eans a gre em ents o r so lu ti o ns a re m utu ally b enefic ia l a nd s a ti s fy in g.
Chara cte r is th e fo und ati o n o f W in -W in . A p ers o n o r o rg aniz a ti o n o f a ny ty p e th at a p pro aches co nflic ts w ith a W in -W in a tti tu d e p osse sse s th re e c hara cte r tr a its :
1 .
In te grity : c o nfo rm in g to y o ur tr u e f e elin gs, v alu es, a nd c o m mitm ents .
2 .
Matu rity : e xp re ssin g y o ur id eas a nd fe elin gs w ith c o ura ge a nd c o nsid era ti o n fo r th e id eas and f e elin gs o f o th ers .
3 .
Abund ance M enta lity : b elie v in g th ere i s p le nty f o r e v ery o ne.
DEV ELO PIN G A W IN -W IN P A RA DIG M Many p eo ple th in k in te rm s o f eith er/o r: eith er yo u’re nic e o r yo u’re to ugh. H ow ev er, W in -W in re q uir e s th at y o u b e b oth . T o g o fo r W in -W in , y o u n o t o nly h av e to b e e m path ic , y o u h av e to b e co nfid ent. Y ou n o t o nly h av e to b e c o nsid era te a nd s e nsiti v e, y o u h av e to b e b ra v e. T o d o th at— to achie v e th at b ala nce b etw een co ura ge and co nsid era ti o n— is th e esse nce o f re al m atu rity and is fu nd am enta l to W in -W in .
If y o u’re h ig h o n c o ura ge a nd lo w o n c o nsid era ti o n, h o w w ill y o u th in k? W in -L ose . Y ou’ll b e str o ng a nd e go -b ound . Y ou’ll h av e th e c o ura ge o f y o ur c o nv ic ti o ns, b ut y o u w on’t b e v ery c o nsid era te of o th ers . Y ou’ll b orro w s tr e ngth fr o m y o ur p ositi o n a nd p ow er, o r fr o m y o ur c re d enti a ls , y o ur r o le , yo ur s e nio rity , o r y o ur a ffilia ti o ns.
If yo u’re hig h on co nsid era ti o n and lo w on co ura ge, yo u’ll th in k L ose -W in . Y ou’ll be so co nsid era te o f o th ers ’ f e elin gs th at y o u w on’t h av e th e c o ura ge to e xp re ss y o ur o w n.
Hig h c o ura ge a nd c o nsid era ti o n a re b oth e sse nti a l to W in -W in . It’ s th e b ala nce o f th e tw o th at is th e m ark o f r e al m atu rity . If y o u h av e it, y o u c an lis te n a nd y o u c an e m path ic ally u nd ers ta nd , b ut y o u can a ls o c o ura geo usly c o nfr o nt.
Cho ose tw o o f y o ur m ost im porta nt re la ti o nsh ip s fo r a n e v alu ati o n o f y o ur a b ility to a p ply th e Win -W in a p pro ach. E valu ate e ach r e la ti o nsh ip o n y o ur b ala nce b etw een c o ura ge a nd c o nsid era ti o n.
For e xam ple , if y o u c o nsid er y o urs e lf lo w o n c o ura ge b ut h ig h o n c o nsid era ti o n, p la ce a n X in th e co rre sp ond in g q uad ra nt, a nd s o o n.
Now d ete rm in e i f y o u a re o ut o f b ala nce i n e ith er o f th e r e la ti o nsh ip s. C onsid er th e e le m ents o f a Win -W in c hara cte r: m atu rity a nd c o ura ge b ala nced w ith c o nsid era ti o n a nd in te grity . N ext, d ecid e what y o u m ig ht d o to im pro ve th e s itu ati o n a nd r e co rd y o ur d ecis io n in th e “ A cti o n n eed ed ” s p aces belo w . CH ANGIN G P LA CES Fro m th e p re v io us exerc is e , se le ct o ne re la ti o nsh ip fo r w hic h yo u w ant to d ev elo p a W in -W in Agre em ent, a nd f o llo w th ese s te p s:
Put yo urs e lf in th e oth er pers o n’s pla ce and w rite dow n ex p lic itl y ho w yo u th in k th at pers o n und ers ta nd s th e s itu ati o n.
Fro m y o ur o w n p ers p ecti v e, w rite th e r e su lt th at w ould c o nsti tu te a w in f o r y o u.
Appro ach th e o th er p ers o n a nd a sk i f h e o r s h e w ould b e w illin g to c o m munic ate u nti l y o u b oth r e ach a p oin t o f a gre em ent a nd a m utu ally b enefic ia l s o lu ti o n. KEY P O IN TS I N D EV ELO PIN G W IN -W IN R ELATIO NSH IP S Win -W in c ulti v ate s a n A bund ance M enta lity : “ W e c an fin d o pti o ns th at w ill b e a ccep ta b le fo r ev ery o ne. T here i s a lw ays e no ugh f o r e v ery o ne.” Win -L ose c ulti v ate s a S carc ity M enta lity : “ M y w ay i s th e o nly a ccep ta b le w ay. T here ’s o nly s o much, s o I ’ d b ette r g et m in e f ir s t.” A W in -W in a p pro ach e m bodie s c o ura ge to c re ate a n o utc o m e th at r e su lts i n a w in f o r y o u a nd f o r oth ers . Y ou m ust b e w illin g to b e c o m ple te ly h o nest a nd fr a nk. T ell th e o th er p ers o n p re cis e ly ho w y o u s e e th e s itu ati o n. B e w illin g to l is te n a nd to r e sp ect th e o th er p ers o n’s p oin t o f v ie w .
A W in -W in o utc o m e re q uir e s tr u st. W hen y o u w ork fo r a W in -W in o utc o m e, y o u s e ek m utu al benefit.
You c an b rin g th e W in -W in a tti tu d e to th e ta b le .
Team s flo uris h w hen y o u h av e a W in -W in a tti tu d e b ecause W in -W in c ulti v ate s in te rd ep end ent re la ti o nsh ip s.
When y o u u se a W in -W in a p pro ach, y o u a re n o t a lw ays n ic e, n o r i s i t a m anip ula ti o n te chniq ue.
A W in -W in o utc o m e i s n o t a lw ays p ossib le .
Peo ple w ho e ngage i n W in -W in r e la ti o nsh ip s d o th e f o llo w in g:
Look f o r th e g o od i n o th er p eo ple .
Com munic ate c le ar e xp ecta ti o ns.
Seek o th ers ’ i d eas a nd l is te n w ith e m path y.
Are a ccura te , ti m ely , a nd h o nest i n c o m munic ati o n.
Tre at p eo ple w ith r e sp ect a nd r e sp ond to th e n eed s o f o th ers .
Focus o n th e p ositi v e, b ut p ro vid e c o nstr u cti v e f e ed back o n i m pro vem ent a re as.
WIN -W IN O PPO RTU NIT Y Q UEST IO NS The q uesti o ns b elo w w ill h elp y o u g et sta rte d to w ard se tti n g u p a W in -W in A gre em ent a ro und a sp ecific s itu ati o n o r r e la ti o nsh ip . TH E W IN -W IN A GREEM EN T A W in -W in A gre em ent is a n e ffe cti v e to ol fo r e sta b lis h in g th e W in -W in fo und ati o n n ecessa ry fo r lo ng-te rm effe cti v eness. It m ay be cre ate d betw een any tw o peo ple w ho need to in te ra ct to acco m plis h d esir e d r e su lts . I n a W in -W in A gre em ent, th e f o llo w in g f iv e e le m ents a re m ad e e xp lic it:
Desir e d r e su lts : W hat d oes y o ur f in al o utc o m e l o ok l ik e?
Guid elin es: W hat a re th e g ro und r u le s, th e “ sh o uld s” a nd “ sh o uld n o ts ” ?
Reso urc es: W hat i s i t g o in g to ta ke? W hat r e so urc es a re a v aila b le ?
Acco unta b ility : W ho w ill d o w hat b y w hen?
Conse q uences: W hat h ap pens w hen w e a re f in is h ed ?
Refe r to S te p hen R . C ovey’s s to ry b egin nin g a t th e b otto m o f p age 1 74 in The 7 H abits o f H ig hly Effe ctiv e P eo ple .
I n th e s p ace b elo w , d ete rm in e w here th e f iv e e le m ents o f th eir W in -W in a gre em ent occur.
Desir e d r e su lts :
Guid elin es:
Reso urc es:
Acco unta b ility :
Conse q uences:
Desir e d r e su lts : “ L ook, s o n,” I s a id . “ S ee h o w o ur n eig hb or’s y ard i s g re en a nd c le an?” Reso urc es: “ I’ d tu rn o n th e s p rin kle rs .” Guid elin es: “ N ow l e t’ s ta lk a b out ‘ c le an,’ s o n.” Acco unta b ility : “ T hat’ s r ig ht. T w ic e a w eek… ” Conse q uences: S o I d id .
TA KIN G T H E N EX T S T EP Make a c o m mitm ent to p ra cti c e a W in -W in a p pro ach in a s p ecific a re a o f y o ur life . U se th e ta b le belo w to g et s ta rte d , o r c usto m iz e o ne to s u it y o ur n eed s. Now th at y o u’v e d ete rm in ed th e n atu re o f y o ur W in -W in , w ork th ro ugh th e e le m ents in th e ta b le b elo w to p ut y o ur p la n i n to a cti o n. U se th e f ir s t c o lu m n to c heck o ff e ach e le m ent a s i t is c o m ple te d . Peo ple w ho c o nti n ually p ra cti c e a W in -W in a p pro ach c ulti v ate h ig h-tr u st re la ti o nsh ip s.
Why? B ecause th ey a re tr e ati n g o th ers a s th ey w ould lik e to b e tr e ate d . U se th e fo llo w in g checklis t to s e e h o w y o u a re d oin g w ith y o ur r e la ti o nsh ip s. C heck th e ite m s y o u d o m ore th an 9 0 p erc ent o f th e ti m e.
As y o u w ork o n y o ur W in -W in a tti tu d e, y o u w ill d is c o ver a re m ark ab le th in g: p ers o nal re la ti o nsh ip s w ill b eco m e e asie r! Y ou w ill fin d th at y o u a re le ss te rrito ria l a nd d ogm ati c .
When yo u hav e co nfid ence in yo ur o w n ab iliti e s and b elie v e th at th ere is eno ugh fo r ev ery o ne, y o u a re l e ss f ix ate d o n g etti n g y o ur w ay a ll th e ti m e.
What d o w e l iv e f o r, i f n ot t o m ake l ife l e ss d iffic u lt f o r e a ch o th er?
—G EO RG E E LIO T HABIT 5 SEEK F IR ST T O U N DER STA ND, T H EN T O B E U N DER ST O OD Befo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 2 36–259 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
HABIT 5 : S E EK F IR ST TO U NDER STA N D, T H EN T O B E U NDER ST O OD Alth ough t h e t o ngue w eig hs v ery l ittle , f e w p eo ple a re a ble t o h old i t.
—U NKNO W N C OM MUNIC ATIO N I S th e m ost i m porta nt s k ill i n l ife . C onsid er th is : Y ou’v e s p ent y ears l e arn in g h o w to re ad a nd w rite , a nd y ears le arn in g h o w to s p eak. B ut w hat a b out lis te nin g? W hat tr a in in g h av e y o u had th at enab le s yo u to lis te n so yo u re ally , deep ly und ers ta nd ano th er hum an bein g fr o m th at in d iv id ual’s f r a m e o f r e fe re nce?
Seek fir s t to u nd ers ta nd , o r D ia gno se B efo re Y ou P re sc rib e™ , is a c o rre ct p rin cip le m anife st in many a re as o f life . A w is e d octo r w ill d ia gno se b efo re w riti n g a p re sc rip ti o n. T he c o m passio nate pare nt p ause s to l is te n b efo re h and in g o ut d is c ip lin e th at m ay b e u nw arra nte d . S im ila rly , a n e ffe cti v e co m munic ato r w ill f ir s t s e ek to u nd ers ta nd a no th er’s v ie w s b efo re s e ekin g to b e u nd ers to od. N ext to physic al s u rv iv al, th e g re ate st n eed o f a h um an b ein g i s p sy cho lo gic al s u rv iv al— to b e a ffir m ed , to b e ap pre cia te d , a nd to b e u nd ers to od.
HEY, A RE Y OU L IS T EN IN G?
On a s c ale o f 1 to 4 , h o w d o y o u th in k th e f o llo w in g p eo ple w ould r a te y o ur l is te nin g s k ills ?
If y o u’re lik e m ost p eo ple , y o u p ro bab ly s e ek fir s t to b e u nd ers to od. It’ s ju st p art o f h um an n atu re — yo u w ant to g et y o ur p oin t a cro ss. A nd in d oin g s o , y o u m ay ig nore th e o th er p ers o n c o m ple te ly , pre te n d y o u’re lis te nin g, se le ctiv ely h ear o nly c erta in p arts o f th e c o nv ers a ti o n, o r atte n tiv ely fo cus on o nly th e w ord s b ein g s a id b ut m is s th e m eanin g e nti r e ly . S o w hy d oes th is h ap pen? W ell, b ecause most p eo ple l is te n w ith th e i n te nt to r e p ly a nd n o t to u nd ers ta nd . Y ou l is te n to yo urse lf a s y o u p re p are in y o ur m in d w hat y o u a re g o in g to s a y, th e q uesti o ns y o u a re g o in g to a sk , e tc . O ne o f th e m ain re aso ns fo r th is is th at y o u filte r e v ery th in g y o u h ear th ro ugh y o ur o w n a uto bio gra p hy— yo ur life exp erie nces, yo ur fr a m e o f r e fe re nce. Y ou c heck w hat y o u h ear a gain st y o ur a uto bio gra p hy a nd s e e ho w i t m easu re s u p . A nd c o nse q uentl y , y o u d ecid e p re m atu re ly w hat th e o th er p ers o n m eans b efo re h e or s h e f in is h es c o m munic ati n g. D o a ny o f th e f o llo w in g s o und f a m ilia r?
“O h, I k no w j u st h o w y o u f e el. I f e lt th e s a m e w ay.” “ I h ad th at s a m e th in g h ap pen to m e.” “L et m e te ll y o u w hat I d id i n a s im ila r s itu ati o n.” Thin k o f a ti m e w hen s o m eo ne d id n’t l is te n to y o u b efo re p re sc rib in g a n a nsw er. H ow d id y o u f e el?
When d o y o u m ost o fte n f a il to l is te n to o th ers ? W hy?
AUTO BIO GRA PH IC A L R ESP O NSE S— I T ’S A LL A BO UT Y OU You m ig ht b e s a yin g, “ H ey, n o w , w ait a m in ute . I’ m ju st tr y in g to r e la te to th e p ers o n b y d ra w in g o n my o w n e xp erie nces. I s th at s o b ad ?” Y ou m ay h av e v ery s in cere d esir e s, b ut tr u e l is te nin g m eans th at yo u fo rg et a b out y o urs e lf a nd c o ncentr a te a ll y o ur e nerg ie s o n b ein g w ith th e o th er p ers o n in re al ti m e. T his is c alle d em path ic lis te n in g, a nd w e’ll ta lk m ore a b out it la te r. N ow , b e p ati e nt. W e’re tr y in g to h elp y o u w ith a p ara d ig m s h ift h ere ! B ecause y o u s o o fte n l is te n a uto bio gra p hic ally , y o u te nd to r e sp ond i n o ne o f f o ur w ays:
Eva lu ate :
Y ou e ith er a gre e o r d is a gre e.
Pro be:
Y ou a sk q uesti o ns f r o m y o ur o w n f r a m e o f r e fe re nce Advis e :
Y ou g iv e c o unse l a nd s o lu ti o ns to p ro ble m s b ase d o n y o ur o w n e xp erie nces.
In te rp re t:
Y ou tr y to fig ure p eo ple o ut— exp la in th eir m oti v es a nd b ehav io r— base d o n y o ur o w n moti v es a nd b ehav io r.
The fo llo w in g e xam ple s h o w s h o w fo ur d iffe re nt fr ie nd s r e sp ond to J o yce’s s ta te m ent a b out a n id ea sh e h ad fo r a fa m ily v acati o n. C ir c le th e a uto bio gra p hic al r e sp onse th at is b est r e p re se nte d in e ach co nv ers a ti o n*:
Jo yce: M y f a m ily d id n’t l ik e m y i d ea f o r o ur v acati o n.
Carlo s: N ext ti m e, if I w ere y o u, I’ d ta lk to B eth a b out it fir s t. S he a lw ays s e em s to k no w th e b est th in g to d o.
Evalu ate P ro be A dvis e I n te rp re t Jo yce: M y f a m ily d id n’t l ik e m y i d ea f o r o ur v acati o n.
Mitc h: I ’ m s u re th e o nly r e aso n th ey d id n’t l ik e i t w as b ecause i t w as g o in g to c o st w ay to o much. D on’t ta ke i t s o p ers o nally .
Evalu ate P ro be A dvis e I n te rp re t Jo yce: M y f a m ily d id n’t l ik e m y i d ea f o r o ur v acati o n.
Kaila : D id y o u l e t y o ur h usb and k no w a b out y o ur i d ea b efo re y o u to ld e v ery o ne?
Evalu ate P ro be A dvis e I n te rp re t EM PA TH IC L IS T EN IN G— YOU H AV E T H E R IG H T T O R EM AIN S IL EN T Gen uin e lis te n in g m ea ns su sp en din g m em ory, desir e , and ju dgm en t— and fo r a fe w mom en ts , a t l e a st, e xis tin g f o r t h e o th er p erso n.
—M IC H AEL P . N IC H OLS As y o u c an s e e fr o m th e d ia gra m a b ove, th e h ig hest fo rm o f lis te nin g is c alle d e m path ic lis te nin g.
Em path y is n o t s y m path y. S ym path y is a fo rm o f a gre em ent, a fo rm o f ju d gm ent. A nd it is s o m eti m es th e m ore a p pro pria te e m oti o n o r re sp onse . B ut p eo ple o fte n fe ed o n sy m path y. It m akes th em d e- pend ent. E m path ic l is te nin g g ets y o u i n sid e a no th er p ers o n’s f r a m e o f r e fe re nce. Y ou l o ok o ut th ro ugh it, y o u s e e th e w orld th e w ay h e o r s h e s e es i t, a nd y o u u nd ers ta nd h o w h e o r s h e f e els . T his d oes n o t necessa rily m ean y o u a gre e; it’ s th at y o u fu lly , d eep ly , u nd ers ta nd th at p ers o n e m oti o nally a s w ell a s in te lle ctu ally . Y ou te m pora rily l e t g o o f y o ur p ers p ecti v e to u nd ers ta nd h is o r h er p ers p ecti v e.
Thin k o f a ti m e w hen s o m eo ne m ad e th e e ffo rt to r e ally u nd ers ta nd y o u a nd y o ur p oin t o f v ie w .
What w as i t th is p ers o n s a id a nd d id th at m ad e y o u f e el u nd ers to od?
EA RS, E Y ES, A ND H EA RT Em path ic lis te nin g is n o t a b out ju st lis te nin g w ith y o ur e ars . It’ s a b out lis te nin g w ith y o ur e yes a nd heart, to o. W hen y o u a nd o th ers s p eak, th e m eanin g y o u c o m mun ic ate c o m es fr o m th re e s o urc es: th e word s y o u u se , y o ur b ody l a nguage, a nd h o w y o u s a y y o ur w ord s. L is te nin g w ith y o ur e yes m eans y o u pic k u p o n n o nv erb al c ues th at a no th er is c o m munic ati n g th ro ugh h is o r h er b ody la nguage. L is te nin g with y o ur h eart m eans y o u lis te n fo r fe elin g a nd m eanin g th at is e xp re sse d th ro ugh th e to ne a nd in fle cti o n o f a no th er’s v oic e. A nd l is te nin g w ith y o ur e ars i s s im ply h earin g th e a ctu al w ord s th at a re bein g s a id . It’ s im porta nt to r e m em ber th at m ore th an 9 0 p erc ent o f w hat p eo ple c o m munic ate d oes no t co m e th ro ugh w ord s b ut th ro ugh no nv erb al co m munic ati o n, su ch as to ne o f v oic e and b ody la nguage. T his i s w here th e p ara d ig m s h ift u su ally o ccurs f o r p eo ple .
Com munic ati o n is n o t ju st a b out w ord s. E m path ic lis te nin g is s o p ow erfu l b ecause it g iv es y o u accura te d ata to w ork w ith . In ste ad o f p ro je cti n g y o ur o w n a uto bio gra p hy a nd a ssu m in g th o ughts , fe elin gs, m oti v es, a nd i n te rp re ta ti o n, y o u’re d ealin g w ith th e r e ality i n sid e a no th er p ers o n’s h ead a nd heart. Y ou’re f o cuse d o n r e ceiv in g th e d eep c o m munic ati o n f r o m a no th er h um an s o ul. LIS T EN IN G E X ER CIS E The n ext ti m e y o u h av e a n o pportu nity to o bse rv e p eo ple c o m munic ati n g, c o ver y o ur e ars fo r a fe w min ute s a nd ju st w atc h th eir b ody la nguage. “ L is te n” to th eir h and g estu re s, th eir s ta nce, a nd th eir fa cia l e xp re ssio ns. W hat e m oti o ns a re p eo ple c o m munic ati n g th at m ig ht n o t c o m e a cro ss in w ord s alo ne?
This w eek p ic k tw o p eo ple a nd “ lis te n” to th eir b ody l a nguage a s y o u l is te n to th eir w ord s. W hat d id yo u n o ti c e?
Did th eir b ody l a nguage a gre e w ith th eir w ord s?
What d id y o u d o i f i t d id n’t?
LIS T EN IN G S K IL LS— EN HANCIN G E M PA TH IC L IS T EN IN G In a d diti o n to lis te nin g w ith y o ur e ars , e yes, a nd h eart, se ekin g to u nd ers ta nd a no th er in d iv id ual re q uir e s im ple m enti n g a fe w lis te nin g s k ills a s w ell. Y et th ese s k ills a re o nly th e ti p o f th e ic eb erg when it c o m es to e m path ic lis te nin g. W hat lie s b elo w th e s u rfa ce o f th ese s k ills is a s in cere , tr u e desir e to u nd er-s ta nd a no th er h um an b ein g. If e m path ic lis te nin g s k ills a re n o t u se d w ith th is in te nt, th en th ey m ay b e p erc eiv ed a s m anip ula ti v e a nd b eco m e i n effe cti v e. E ven i f y o ur s k ills a re n o t s tr o ng, if y o u a re s in cere ly lis te nin g to u nd ers ta nd , th at in te nt w ill b e h eard lo ud a nd c le ar. H ere a re th re e basic s k ills to u se w hen l is te nin g e m path ic ally :
Rep hra se c o nte n t.
Refle ct f e elin g.
Ask q uestio ns f o r b ette r u ndersta ndin g.
When y o u re p hra se c o nte n t , y o u p ut th e m eanin g o f w hat a no th er p ers o n s a id in to y o ur o w n w ord s.
You a re tr y in g to s e e th in gs a s h e o r s h e d oes— tr y in g to u nd ers ta nd th in gs fr o m h is o r h er fr a m e o f re fe re nce. Y ou a re th in kin g a b out th e c o nte nt o f w hat is b ein g s a id a nd n o t ju st a b out w ord s o nly .
Here ’s a n e xam ple : Ste v e: T his p ro je ct i s r e ally g etti n g th e b est o f m e. I d on’t k no w i f I ’ m g o in g to g et i t d one befo re m y s o n’s b ir th d ay.
Lillia n: I t s o und s l ik e y o u h av e s o m e d ead lin es y o u a re tr y in g to m eet.
When y o u re fle ct fe elin g , y o u a re c o ncentr a ti n g o n th e w ay th e o th er p ers o n fe els a b out w hat h e o r sh e i s s a yin g. T his i s w here l is te nin g w ith th e e ars , e yes, a nd h eart r e ally c o m es i n to p la y. H ere ’s a n exam ple :
Ste v e: T his p ro je ct is r e ally g etti n g th e b est o f m e. I d on’t k no w if I c an g et it d one b y m y so n’s b ir th d ay.
Lillia n: S te v e, y o u s e em a l ittl e w orrie d .
The tr u e e ffe cti v eness o f e m path ic lis te nin g c o m es w hen y o u c o m bin e re -p hra sin g th e c o nte nt w ith re fle cti n g th e f e elin g. H ere ’s a n e xam ple :
Ste v e: T his p ro je ct is r e ally g etti n g th e b est o f m e. I d on’t k no w if I c an g et it d one b y m y so n’s b ir th d ay.
Lillia n: I t s e em s l ik e y o u a re w orrie d a b out s o m e d ead lin es y o u a re tr y in g to m eet.
A d is c ern in g e m path ic lis te ner c an r e ad w hat’ s h ap penin g d ow n d eep fa st, a nd c an s h o w a le v el o f und ers ta nd in g a nd a ccep ta nce th at h elp s p eo ple f e el s a fe to o pen u p l a yer a fte r l a yer u nti l th ey g et to th at s o ft in ner c o re w here th e p ro ble m re ally is . A lo ng th e w ay it is im porta nt to a sk q uesti o ns fo r bette r und er-s ta nd in g. T hese are no t p ro bin g q uesti o ns, b ut q uesti o ns th at help cla rify and re ach mutu al u nd ers ta nd in g. H ere a re s o m e e xam ple s:
You’re fr u str a te d b y y o ur d aughte r’s la ck o f re sp ect. Is th at rig ht? It se em s lik e y o u’re pre tty u p se t w ith P hil. I s th at w hat’ s b oth erin g y o u? A nyth in g e ls e ?
10 S T EPS T O B EC O M IN G A N E M PA TH IC L IS T EN ER 1 .
Pra cti c e s a yin g, “ T ake y o ur ti m e, I ’ m l is te nin g,” a nd r e ally m ean i t.
2 .
Set a sid e y o ur o w n a gend a.
3 .
Be a v aila b le a nd r e cep ti v e e m oti o nally a s w ell a s th ro ugh b ody l a nguage.
4 .
Try to a p pre cia te th e o th er p ers o n’s p oin t o f v ie w .
5 .
Lis te n w ith o ut b ein g i n a h urry to ta ke o ver.
6 .
Try to i m agin e y o urs e lf i n th e o th er’s p la ce; f e el w hat th e s p eaker f e els .
7 .
Help d ra w o ut th o ught a nd f e elin g b y a sk in g q uesti o ns.
8 .
Hav e th e s p eaker e la b ora te f o r f u rth er u nd ers ta nd in g.
9 .
Say, “ L et m e m ake s u re I u nd ers ta nd ,” a nd th en r e sta te th e i s su e.
10 .
Be s e nsiti v e to th e s p eaker’s f e elin gs.
It’ s tr u e th at b eco m in g a n e m path ic lis te ner ta kes ti m e, b ut it d oesn ’t ta ke a ny-w here n ear a s m uch ti m e a s it ta kes to b ack u p a nd c o rre ct m is u nd ers ta nd in gs w hen y o u’re a lr e ad y m ile s d ow n th e r o ad , to r e d o, a nd to l iv e w ith u nexp re sse d a nd u nso lv ed p ro ble m s. If y o u r e a lly s e ek t o u ndersta nd, w ith out h yp ocris y a nd w ith out g uile , t h ere w ill b e t im es when y o u w ill b e lite ra lly s tu nned w ith th e p ure k n ow le d ge a nd u ndersta ndin g th at w ill flo w t o y o u f r o m a noth er h um an b ein g.
— S TE PH EN R . C OVEY DEV ELO PIN G A L IS T EN IN G A W AREN ESS Durin g th is w eek, p ic k a c o nv ers a ti o n th at y o u w is h y o u c o uld h av e o ver a gain .
SE EK T O B E U NDER ST O OD Kno w in g ho w to be und ers to od is th e oth er half of H ab it 5 and is eq ually criti c al to yo ur effe cti v eness. In o rd er to h av e in flu ence w ith o th er p eo ple , th ey m ust fir s t fe el th at y o u u nd ers ta nd th em . A nd o nce th ey fe el u nd ers to od, th ey a re o pen to h earin g y o ur id eas, y o ur c o unse l, a nd y o ur poin t o f v ie w . CH ARA CTER C O M MUNIC ATES One o f th e k eys to y o ur in flu ence a nd y o ur e ffe cti v eness in c o m munic ati n g y o ur m essa ge to o th ers is yo ur e xam ple a nd c o nd uct. Y our e xam ple flo w s n atu ra lly o ut o f y o ur c hara cte r— th e k in d o f p ers o n yo u tr u ly a re — and n o t w ho o th ers s a y y o u a re o r w ho y o u m ay w ant o th ers to th in k y o u a re . Y our chara cte r is co nsta ntl y co m munic ati n g to oth ers w ho yo u are . B ecause of w hat yo ur chara cte r co m munic ate s, p eo ple w ill e ith er tr u st o r d is tr u st y o u a nd y o ur e ffo rts w ith th em . T he q uesti o ns belo w w ill h elp y o u e xam in e y o ur o w n c hara cte r:
What i s i t a b out m e th at a llo w s o th ers to tr u st m e?
What i s i t a b out m e th at c ause s p eo ple n o t to tr u st m e?
Is th ere a ny p art o f m y b ehav io r w here I a m r u nnin g h o t a nd c o ld ? F or e x-a m ple , a re th ere ti m es w hen I a m c riti c al o f p eo ple a nd th en i n th e n ext m om ent f o rg iv in g?
Do m y p riv ate a cti o ns s q uare u p w ith m y p ub lic a cti o ns? I f n o t, w hy? W here a re th e d is c re p ancie s?
CO M MUNIC ATIN G E FFE C TIV E M ESSA GES Alth o ugh c hara cte r i s e xtr e m ely i m porta nt i n s e ekin g to b e u nd ers to od, th ere a re s o m e o th er k ey a re as th at w ill h elp y o u i n c o m munic ati n g a n e ffe cti v e m essa ge. W heth er y o u a re c o m munic ati n g i n w riti n g, over th e p ho ne, o r fa ce-to -fa ce in p re se nta ti o ns, y o u w ant o th ers to u nd ers ta nd y o ur lo gic a nd y o u want to c o nv in ce th em o f th e v alid ity o f th at l o gic . E ffe cti v e m essa ges i n co rp ora te th e f o llo w in g tw o key c o ncep ts :
An u nd ers ta nd in g o f th e l is te ner’s n eed s, i n te re sts , c o ncern s, a nd p rio riti e s.
The s e nd er’s o w n i d eas c o m munic ate d c le arly a nd s p ecific ally . So, a n e ffe cti v e c o m munic ato r a lw ays id enti fie s h is o r h er a ud ie nce a nd its n eed s fir s t. L et’ s ta ke a lo ok a t a n e xam ple . J o se p h is a s a le sp ers o n fo r a la rg e p ro duce c o m pany. H ere a re s o m e p ossib le ways h e c o uld b egin h is p re se nta ti o n:
“I’ m J o se p h V ela sq uez fr o m F re sh F oods. M y p re se nta ti o n w ill c o ver th e fo llo w in g s ix poin ts ...” “I’ m J o se p h V ela sq uez fr o m F re sh F oods. B efo re I b egin , le t m e m ake s u re I’ v e c ap tu re d yo ur p rio riti e s f o r o ur ti m e to geth er. B ase d o n c o nv ers a ti o ns I ’ v e h ad p rio r to th is m eeti n g, here ’s w hat I th in k y o u’re a fte r.... D id I m is s a nyth in g?” Whic h o ne s o und s b ette r to y o u? I t’ s p ro bab ly p re tty o bvio us th at th e s e co nd a p pro ach i s m uch m ore effe cti v e th an th e fir s t. In th e s e co nd a p pro ach, J o se p h a ckno w le d ges th at th o se in th e a ud ie nce h av e th eir o w n n eed s a nd g o als . H e h as a ls o s p ent s o m e ti m e w ith th e p arti c ip ants p rio r to th e m eeti n g to make s u re h e u nd ers ta nd s th em . In th e fir s t a p pro ach, J o se p h is a ckno w le d gin g o nly h is o w n n eed s and a gend a. N ow l e t’ s s e e h o w J o se p h c o uld c o nti n ue h is p re se nta ti o n:
“I’ d lik e to c o ver th e m ate ria l I h av e in a b out tw enty -fiv e m in ute s a nd th en o pen it u p fo r questi o ns.” “M y g o al in th is p re se nta ti o n is to sh o w h o w F re sh F oods c an m eet y o ur n eed s in th e Lati n o m ark et. I’ d lik e to le av e w ith a c le ar s e nse o f y o ur o per-a ti o nal p la ns a nd a ‘ g o o r no -g o ’ d ecis io n to m ove f o rw ard n ext q uarte r.” Whic h o ne s o und s b ette r to y o u? I n th e f ir s t a p pro ach, J o se p h i s n o t v ery c le ar o r s p ecific a b out w hat he w ants to a cco m plis h . I t l e av es th e a ud ie nce g uessin g w hat th e r e al n ext s te p s a re . T he o nly th in g h e cle arly c o m munic ate d w as h is d esir e to ju st g et th ro ugh th e p re se nta ti o n. In th e se co nd e xam ple , Jo se p h c o m munic ate s c le arly a nd s p ecific ally h is i d eas a nd g o als .
When Jo se p h fir s t ta kes ti m e to und ers ta nd his aud ie nce and its need s, his aud ie nce is no w re cep ti v e to h is m essa ge a nd h as a c le ar u nd ers ta nd in g o f w hat w ill b e d is c usse d .
EVA LU ATIN G Y OUR C O M MUNIC ATIO N Thin k o f a r e cent p ho ne c o nv ers a ti o n, e -m ail, o r f a ce-to -fa ce d is c ussio n w here y o u s ta te d y o ur n eed s fir s t. HABIT 6 SY N ER G IZ E B efo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 2 61–284 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
The e sse nce o f s y nerg y is to v alu e d iffe re nces— to r e sp ect th em , to b uild o n s tr e ngth s, to co m pensa te fo r w eaknesse s. O nce p eo ple h av e e xp erie nced re al s y nerg y, th ey a re n ev er quite th e sa m e again . T hey kno w th e p ossib ility o f hav in g o th er su ch m in d -e xp and in g ad ventu re s i n th e f u tu re .
—S TEPH EN R . C OVEY H ABIT 6 : S YNER GIZ E IS T H E H ABIT o f c re ati v e c o opera ti o n. It is th e e sse nce o f p rin cip le -c ente re d le ad ers h ip . S ynerg y is c ele b ra ti n g d iffe re nces, te am w ork , o pen-m in d ed ness, a nd fin d in g n ew a nd bette r w ays to geth er. It d oesn ’t ju st h ap pen, th o ugh. It’ s a p ro cess, a nd th ro ugh th at p ro cess y o u c an cre ate n ew a lte rn ati v es— opti o ns th at d id n’t e xis t b efo re . S ynerg y i s th e i d ea th at th e w ho le i s g re ate r th an th e s u m o f i ts p arts . O ne p lu s o ne e q uals th re e o r m ore .
When p eo ple b egin to i n te ra ct to geth er g enuin ely , a nd th ey’re o pen to e ach o th er’s i n flu ence, th ey begin to gain new in sig ht. T he cap ab ility of in v enti n g new ap pro aches, T hir d A lte rn ati v es, is in cre ase d e xp onenti a lly b ecause o f d iffe re nces. S ynerg y m eans y o u c an lite ra lly p ro duce s o m eth in g with a no th er p ers o n th at n eith er o f y o u c o uld h av e p ro duced s e p ara te ly .
VA LU IN G D IF FE R EN CES Befo re y o u c an le v era ge th e s tr e ngth s o f o th ers , y o u m ust fir s t b e a b le to r e co gniz e a nd v alu e th eir diffe re nces. S o, h o w m uch d o y o u v alu e d iffe re nces? T ake th is s h o rt q uiz .
Cir c le th e n um ber fr o m 1 to 5 th at m ost c lo se ly re p re se nts y o ur n o rm al b ehav io r o r a tti tu d e re gard in g th e s ta te m ent to th e le ft. W hen y o u h av e a nsw ere d a ll th e q uesti o ns, a d d u p y o ur to ta l a nd check y o ur s c o re .
Sco rin g 41–50: S ig nific antl y l e v era gin g th e d iffe re nces o f o th ers .
21–40: M odera te ly l e v era gin g th e d iffe re nces o f o th ers .
10–20: N ot ta kin g a d vanta ge o f th e d iffe re nces o f o th ers .
SY NER GY ’S A -L IS T Have a h ea lth y r e sp ect f o r d iv ersity .
E very o ne i s u niq ue a nd o rig in al, j u st l ik e y o u.
Be a ble t o r e la x a ro und o th ers.
B ein g w ound to o ti g ht i s f o r w atc hes.
Valu e o pin io ns w heth er y o u a gre e o r n ot.
L eav e “ M y W ay” to F ra nk.
Cre a te b ala nce.
T he i d ea i s to g iv e a nd ta ke w ith o ut b ein g p ig gy a b out i t.
Be r e sp onsiv e t o n ew i d ea s.
N o m in d -c lo su re a llo w ed .
Develo p t r u st.
T ough r ig ht o ut o f th e c hute b ut w orth i t i n th e e nd .
Dis c o ver a nd s h are c o m mon i n te re sts .
G o o ut o f y o ur w ay to m in d -m eld o fte n. Hum or.
N ev er l e av e h o m e w ith o ut i t.
Don’t s te re o ty p e.
Y ou’ll b e w ro ng 1 00 p erc ent o f th e ti m e.
Be r e a l.
E no ugh s a id .
PR O FE SSIO NAL E X ER CIS E Write d ow n th e n am e o f a p ers o n y o u w ork w ith . In th e a re a b elo w , w rite th e q ualiti e s th is p ers o n posse sse s.
Tale nts /a b iliti e s ( o rg aniz e d , k no w le d geab le , a sse rti v e, a rti s ti c , p ro gra m mer, r e cru ite r, w rite r, e tc .) Backgro und ( e d ucati o n, r a ce, g end er, s o cio eco no m ic s ta tu s, w here h e o r s h e g re w u p , e tc .) In te rp ers o nal s k ills ( lis te ner, c o m munic ato r, s p eaker, te acher, m ento r, r o le m odel, e tc .) Chara cte r tr a its ( s e nse o f h um or, m ic ro m anager, r e lia b le , h o nest, d ilig ent, o pin io nate d , e tc .) How d iffe re nt i s th is p ers o n f r o m y o u?
How c o uld th ese d iffe re nces c o ntr ib ute to a cco m plis h in g a c o m mon p urp ose ?
IM PR O VIN G R ESU LT S B Y V A LU IN G D IF FE R EN CES Diffe re nces a re a n o pportu nity , n o t a n o bsta cle . T he k ey i s to r e m ain o pen to h earin g i d eas s o y o u c an dete rm in e w hic h i d eas to c o m bin e to s p ark a b ette r s o lu ti o n.
When f a ced w ith a d iffe re nce o f o pin io n, y o u c an r e sp ond i n s e v era l w ays:
Atta ck .
Y ou p ut d ow n th e i d ea. T his i s a d efe nsiv e, f e ar-b ase d r e sp onse .
Tole ra te .
Y ou p ut u p w ith b ut d o n o t a ccep t th e i d ea.
Acce pt.
Y ou a ccep t th at th e i d ea i s d iffe re nt, b ut y o u d on’t tr y to c hange a nyth in g.
Valu e.
Y ou v alu e th e d iffe re nt id ea and b egin to se e th e o pportu nity in th e new in fo rm ati o n.
Cele bra te .
Y ou s e ek o ut in d iv id uals w ho th in k d iffe re ntl y , a nd y o u le arn fr o m th o se diffe re nces.
Thin k b ack to a gath erin g o r co nv ers a ti o n d urin g w hic h id eas w ere sh ut d ow n, and answ er th e fo llo w in g q uesti o ns: 1. W hen y o u fir s t r e je cte d th e id ea, w hat w as it th at tu rn ed y o u o ff? W as it th e id ea its e lf, th e d eliv ere r, o r th e w ay i n w hic h i t w as d eliv ere d ? D id y o u d is lik e th e i d ea b ecause i t wasn ’t y o urs ?
2. W hat i s y o ur i n ner m ono lo gue s a yin g? I s i t s a yin g, “ T hat w on’t w ork ,” “ Y ou’re n uts ,” o r “W e’v e n ev er d one i t th at w ay b efo re ”?
3. I f th is w as a w ork ( te am ) s itu ati o n, w as th ere a “ m ob m enta lity ” a t w ork ? D id th e g ro up quic kly d is m is s th e id ea b ecause it d id n’t a p pear to s u p port th e g ro up ’s ty p ic al w ay o f th in kin g? I f s o , h o w ?
CA N Y OU R ELATE?
Answ er th e fo llo w in g q uesti o ns tr u e o r fa ls e . T hin k ab out sp ecific in sta nces in yo ur life b efo re answ erin g.
_____ I d em and p erfe cti o n f r o m m yse lf a nd e v ery o ne a ro und m e.
_____ I a m s u rp ris e d w hen o th ers d on’t l ik e m e o r m y i d eas.
_____ P eo ple c o nti n ually m ake p ro m is e s to m e w ith o ut f o llo w in g th ro ugh.
_____ I d on’t h av e m any f r ie nd s w ho m I r e ally l ik e o r tr u st.
_____ I g et ti r e d o f a ll th is p oliti c al c o rre ctn ess. I d on’t h av e to l ik e e v ery o ne.
_____ I d on’t a p pre cia te o th er p eo ple ’s o pin io ns o f m e.
_____ I d on’t l ik e c hange.
_____ I w ork b ette r a lo ne th an i n g ro up s.
_____ I te nd to b e m ore n egati v e th an p ositi v e.
_____ I ’ m a fr a id p eo ple w ill f in d o ut th at I ’ m n o t w hat I a p pear to b e.
If th e m ajo rity o f y o ur a nsw ers a re tr u e, it’ s ti m e to tu rn o ff th e n egati v ity ta p es a nd r id y o urs e lf o f yo ur l im ite d b elie fs . I n o rd er to k no w y o urs e lf, y o u h av e to u nd ers ta nd th e l iv es a nd a cti o ns o f o th ers .
Be a s tu d ent o f h um an n atu re a nd a p pre cia te w hat e v ery o ne c an b rin g to th e p arty . If th e m ajo rity o f yo ur a nsw ers a re fa ls e , y o u’re c o m fo rta b le w ith y o urs e lf a nd h o w y o u r e la te to p eo ple o f a ll k in d s.
You’re a s tu d ent o f l ife a nd k no w l e arn in g f r o m o th ers h elp s y o u i n y o ur o w n l ife . BREA KIN G D OW N T H E B A RRIE R S When yo u re co gniz e th e barrie rs to sy nerg y, ho w do yo u bre ak th em dow n? Y ou cre ate an env ir o nm ent i n w hic h s y nerg y c an f lo uris h . Y ou u se s y nerg y p ro ducers . I n th e e xerc is e b elo w , a sse ss ho w o fte n y o u u se s y nerg y p ro ducers .
Cir c le th e n um ber f r o m 1 to 5 th at m ost c lo se ly r e p re se nts h o w o fte n y o u u se s y nerg y p ro ducers .
When y o u h av e a nsw ere d a ll th e q uesti o ns, a d d u p y o ur to ta l a nd c heck y o ur s c o re .
Sco rin g 45–55: G re at j o b! Y ou’re a to p s y nerg y p ro ducer.
23–44: Y ou’re o n th e r ig ht tr a ck. K eep p ro ducin g.
11 –22: W atc h y o urs e lf. Y ou’re b lo ckin g s y nerg y.
CREATE T H E T H IR D A LT ER N ATIV E Once y o u’v e b ought in to th e id ea th at d iffe re nces a re s tr e ngth s a nd n o t w eak-n esse s, y o u’re r e ad y to fin d th e “ hig h w ay,” o r th e T hir d A lte rn ati v e, a nd c re ate s o m eth in g b ette r th an w hat c urre ntl y e xis ts .
The T hir d A lte rn ati v e is a chie v ed w hen tw o o r m ore p eo ple w ork to geth er to c re ate a b ette r so lu ti o n th an th o se in d iv id uals c o uld c re ate s e p ara te ly . It’ s 1 + 1= 3 o r m ore . It’ s n o t y o ur w ay o r m y way b ut a b ette r w ay, a h ig her w ay.
There a re f iv e s te p s to a T hir d A lte rn ati v e:
1 .
Defin e th e p ro ble m o r o pportu nity .
2 .
Lis te n to th e o th er p ers o n.
3 .
Share y o ur v ie w s. 4 .
Bra in sto rm o pti o ns to geth er.
5 .
Fin d th e b est s o lu ti o n to geth er.
Cho ose a r e la ti o nsh ip o r is su e w here y o u w ould lik e to w ork to w ard a m ore s y nerg is ti c e nd . In th e sp aces b elo w , w ork th ro ugh th e f iv e s te p s to a T hir d A lte rn ati v e.
1. D efin e th e p ro ble m o r o pportu nity .
2. L is te n to th e o th er p ers o n.
3. S hare y o ur v ie w s.
4. B ra in sto rm o pti o ns to geth er.
5. F in d th e b est s o lu ti o n to geth er.
Afte r y o u’v e w ork ed to w ard a m ore s y nerg is ti c e nd w ith th e a b ove s itu ati o n, ta ke a f e w m in ute s a nd write d ow n in w hat w ays th is a p pro ach w as d iffe re nt fr o m h o w y o u w ould h av e h and le d it in th e past. H ow d id th e n ew a p pro ach fe el? W as it d iffic ult fo r y o u? W hat s te p s w ill y o u ta ke to e n-s u re th at y o u w ill c o nti n ue to u se th is a p pro ach i n th e f u tu re ?
GET O VER I T ! ( Y OUR B LO CK S T O S Y NER GY, T H AT I S ) In y o ur life , h av e y o u fo und th at th ere a re p eo ple w ho d riv e y o u n uts o r ir rita te y o u? W ho a re th ey?
What d o th ey d o th at i r rita te s y o u?
Look a t e ach o f th e th in gs y o u fo und ir rita ti n g. W hat k in d s o f is su es a re th ey? C hara cte r is su es ( la ck of in te grity o r d is c ip lin e)? C om pete nce is su es (u nab le to d o th e jo b)? C ultu ra l is su es? P ers o nality is su es? P ers o nal p et p eev es? N ow d ete rm in e w here y o u h av e d ir e ct c o ntr o l, in d ir e ct c o ntr o l, o r n o co ntr o l.
Cho ose o ne i s su e f r o m e ach a re a. H ow c an y o u a ffe ct th e s y nerg y f o r e ach s itu ati o n?
Dir e ct C ontr o l:
In dir e ct C ontr o l:
No C ontr o l:
Every th in g th at i r rita te s u s a b out o th ers c an l e ad to a n u nd ers ta nd in g o f o ur-s e lv es. P eo ple w ho u p se t us th e m ost a re o fte n o ur b est te achers ! W hen y o u u nd ers ta nd a nd a re c o m fo rta b le w ith y o urs e lf, it beco m es e asie r to o pen y o ur-s e lf to th e id eas o f o th ers . A lw ays p ut y o urs e lf in th e o th er p ers o n’s sh o es. M any o f th e “ tr u th s” y o u c lin g to a re s im ply a r e su lt o f o ne p oin t o f v ie w — yo urs .
Com in g t o geth er i s a b egin nin g; keepin g t o geth er i s p ro gre ss; work in g t o geth er i s s u ccess. HABIT 7 SH AR PEN T H E S AW B efo re y o u b egin th is s e cti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple P erso nal W ork b ook, r e ad pages 2 85–307 i n The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple .
HABIT 7 : S H AR PEN T H E S AW Habit 7 is ta kin g tim e to s h arp en th e s a w . It’s p re se rv in g a nd e n hancin g th e g re a te st asse t yo u have— yo u. It’s re n ew in g th e fo ur dim en sio ns of yo ur natu re — physic a l, sp ir itu al, m en ta l, a nd s o cia l/e m otio nal. T his is th e s in gle m ost p ow erfu l in vestm en t w e ca n e ver m ake in life — in vestm en t in o urse lv es, in th e o nly in str u m en t w e h ave w ith whic h t o d ea l w ith l ife a nd t o c o ntr ib ute .
— S TE PH EN R . C OVEY H ABIT 7 : S harp en th e S aw i s a b out b ala nced r e new al i n a ll f o ur d im ensio ns o f h um an n eed : p hysic al, sp ir itu al, m enta l, a nd s o cia l/e m oti o nal. A s y o u r e new y o urs e lf in e ach o f th e fo ur a re as, y o u c re ate gro w th a nd c hange in y o ur life . Y ou in cre ase y o ur c ap acity to p ro duce a nd h and le th e c halle nges aro und y o u. W hen y o u d on’t re new y o urs e lf, y o u lim it o r e v en re v ers e y o ur g ro w th , a nd lim it o r decre ase y o ur c ap acity to p ro duce a nd y o ur a b ility to h and le c halle nges.
So, yo u’re th in kin g yo u d on’t hav e ti m e to S harp en th e S aw ? H ow can sh arp enin g th e sa w in cre ase c ap acity ? T hin k a b out i t.
Tim e to c ut a l o g w ith a d ull s a w — 30 m in ute s.
Tim e to s h arp en th e s a w — 5 m in ute s.
Tim e to c ut th e l o g w ith a s h arp s a w — 10 m in ute s.
Ka-c h in g!
Y ou ju st s a v ed y o urs e lf fifte en m in ute s. Y ou’v e n ev er c ut a lo g? H ow d oes th is a p ply to yo u?
Tim e l e ft u nti l y o ur d ead lin e a nd y o u’re e xhauste d — 5 h o urs .
Tim e to S harp en th e S aw , r e fo cus, a nd f e el r e ad y to g o — 30 m in ute s.
Tim e i t ta kes to f in is h th e p ro je ct w hen y o u’re r e fr e sh ed — 4 h o urs .
Ka-c h in g!
Y ou j u st s a v ed y o urs e lf th ir ty m in ute s. T hat’ s h o w i t a p plie s to y o u.
Feelin g go od d oesn ’t ju st hap pen. Y ou can’t ju st sn ap yo ur fin gers and d ecid e to fe el go od with o ut m akin g a c o nsc io us e ffo rt. L iv in g a life in b ala nce m eans ta kin g th e n ecessa ry ti m e to r e new yo urs e lf. It’ s all up to yo u. Y ou can re new yo urs e lf th ro ugh re la xati o n. O r yo u can to ta lly b urn yo urs e lf o ut b y o verd oin g e v ery th in g. Y ou c an p am per y o urs e lf m enta lly a nd s p ir itu ally . O r y o u c an go th ro ugh life obliv io us of yo ur w ell- b ein g. Y ou can exp erie nce vib ra nt energ y. O r yo u can pro cra sti n ate a nd m is s o ut o n th e b enefits o f g o od h ealth . Y ou c an r e v ita liz e y o urs e lf i n o rd er to f a ce a n ew d ay i n p eace a nd h arm ony. O r y o u c an w ake u p i n th e m orn in g f u ll o f a p ath y b ecause y o ur g et- up -a nd -g o h as g o t- u p -a nd -g o ne. J u st r e m em ber th at e v ery d ay p ro vid es a n ew o pportu nity f o r r e new al —a new o pportu nity to re charg e yo urs e lf in ste ad o f hitti n g th e w all. A ll it ta kes is th e d esir e , kno w le d ge, a nd s k ill.
GETTIN G R EA DY In o rd er to r e ach a p la ce o f p ro sp erity , y o u m ust e ngage i n a p ro cess o f r e new al a nd r e v iv al. I n o rd er to m ain ta in m eanin gfu l a nd c o nsis te nt p ro gre ss, y o u m ust b e a b le to s e nse c o ngru ity o r d is p arity .
The h um an e nd ow ment o f c o nsc ie nce is c alle d b ein g s e lf- a w are . W hen y o u b eco m e s e lf- a w are , yo u c an h ear th e in ti m ati o ns o f c o nsc ie nce. L is te n to y o ur c o nsc ie nce. It c an h elp y o u c o nnect y o ur co nd uct w ith y o ur p ers o nal p urp ose .
Let y o ur c o nsc ie nce g uid e y o u a s y o u w ork th ro ugh th e n ext fo ur p ages o f c hecklis ts . B ein g s e lf- aw are w ill h elp p ro vid e a n a ssu ra nce th at th e r e new al p la n y o u c o m e u p w ith i n th is s e cti o n w ill b e rig ht f o r y o u.
Physic al C hecklis t Check o nly th e i te m s to w hic h y o u c an tr u th fu lly a nsw er y es.
_____ I s ta y i n fo rm ed a nd c urre nt o n b oth h ealth a nd f itn ess i n fo rm ati o n.
_____ I e xerc is e tw enty to th ir ty m in ute s a t l e ast th re e ti m es a w eek.
_____ I a m f u lly a w are o f m y n eed f o r v ita m in s a nd m in era ls .
_____ I i n cre ase o r m ain ta in a s tr e ngth p ro gra m .
_____ I i n clu d e c ard io vasc ula r a nd f le xib ility a cti v iti e s i n m y e xerc is e s.
_____ I g et th e p ro per a m ount o f s le ep .
_____ I r e st o r r e la x w hen m y b ody n eed s i t.
_____ I e at j u nk f o od l e ss th an tw ic e a w eek.
_____ I h av e a n e ffe cti v e, p ositi v e w ay o f d ealin g w ith s tr e ss.
_____ I c ente r m y d ie t o n a r e se arc hed p la n th at f its m y n eed s a nd g o als .
Spir itu al C hecklis t Check o nly th e i te m s to w hic h y o u c an tr u th fu lly a nsw er y es.
_____ I h av e d efin ed w hat m y v alu es a re , a nd I p la n a nd l iv e m y l ife a cco rd in gly .
_____ I h av e c re ate d m y m is sio n s ta te m ent. I r e ly o n i t to g iv e v is io n to m y p urp ose i n l ife .
_____ I f in d d aily r e new al th ro ugh m ed ita ti o n, p ra yer, s tu d y, o r r e fle cti o n.
_____ I f r e q uentl y s p end ti m e i n a p la ce w here I f in d s p ir itu al r e new al, e .g ., i n n atu re , a s y nago gue, a c hap el, a te m ple .
_____ I l iv e w ith i n te grity a nd h o no r.
_____ I k eep m y h eart o pen to th e tr u th .
_____ I a m a b le to ta ke a s ta nd o r te ll th e tr u th , e v en w hen o ppose d b y o th ers .
_____ I f r e q uentl y s e rv e o th ers w ith n o e xp ecta ti o ns o f a ny ty p e o f r e tu rn ed f a v or.
_____ I c an i d enti fy w hic h th in gs i n l ife I c an c hange a nd w hic h th in gs I c anno t. I l e t g o o f th e th in gs I c anno t c hange.
_____ I c an c o nnect to m y i n sp ir a ti o nal g uid e a s n eed ed .
Menta l C hecklis t Check o nly th e i te m s to w hic h y o u c an tr u th fu lly a nsw er y es.
_____ I r e ad b ooks a nd o th er p ub lic ati o ns r e gula rly .
_____ I k eep a j o urn al o r s o m e s o rt o f l o g, o r e ngage i n a r e gula r w riti n g p ro cess.
_____ I a llo w m usic , s ile nce, o r s o m e s o rt o f r e la xati o n e xerc is e to c le ar m y m in d o n a d aily b asis .
_____ I c halle nge m y m in d th ro ugh p uzzle s, p ro ble m s o lv in g, o r g am es.
_____ I h av e a h o bby.
_____ I c o nti n ue m y e d ucati o n e ith er f o rm ally o r i n fo rm ally . _____ I e ngage i n m eanin gfu l d ia lo gue a t l e ast o nce a w eek.
_____ I v is u aliz e p ro je cts a nd p la ns s o I h av e th e e nd r e su lt i n m in d to g uid e th e p ro cess.
_____ I h av e a s y ste m to r e tr ie v e i n fo rm ati o n w hen I n eed i t.
_____ I u se a s y ste m to p la n a nd o rg aniz e m y ti m e a nd e ffo rts .
Socia l/E m oti o nal C hecklis t Check o nly th e i te m s to w hic h y o u c an tr u th fu lly a nsw er y es.
_____ I a m r e lia b le a nd d ep end ab le .
_____ I h av e a h o pefu l o utl o ok o n l ife .
_____ I a m tr u sti n g a nd s u p porti v e o f p eo ple i n m y C ir c le o f I n flu ence.
_____ I l is te n to o th ers a nd h ear w hat th ey h av e to s a y r a th er th an th in kin g o f w hat I w ant to s a y.
_____ I r e ach o ut to o th ers a nd a m e m path ic .
_____ I m ain ta in m y m ost i m porta nt r e la ti o nsh ip s.
_____ I s in cere ly a p olo giz e w hen I n eed to .
_____ I c an p ers e v ere th ro ugh th e “ hard ti m es.” _____ I a m a w are o f w hat i t m eans to ta ke g o od c are o f m yse lf.
_____ I c an c o ntr o l m y i m puls e s— co ol d ow n a nd a ct r a th er th an r e act to p eo ple a nd s itu ati o ns.
Hopefu lly , th e p re v io us c hecklis ts h av e h elp ed ju m psta rt y o ur th in kin g fo r y o ur p ers o nal re new al pla n. D o y o u s e e a re as w here y o u a re a lr e ad y d oin g w ell? H ow a b out a re as w here y o u c o uld u se so m e h elp ? T here i s n o r ig ht o r w ro ng p la n w hen i t c o m es to r e new al a cti v iti e s. Y ou h av e to m ake i t work f o r y o u.
Now th at y o u’v e c o m ple te d th e c hecklis ts , ta ke s o m e ti m e to th in k a b out th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns.
They w ill a ls o g et y o u th in kin g a b out w here y o u m ig ht b e o ut o f b ala nce, h o w to g et y o ur life in bala nce, a nd u lti m ate ly h o w to fe el m ore re ju v enate d . J o t d ow n y o ur th o ughts a nd re sp onse s in th e sp ace p ro vid ed .
1. I f y o u c o uld c ho ose f iv e th in gs to d o th at w ould n o uris h y o ur s o ul, w hat w ould th ey b e?
2. W hat m akes th o se f iv e th in gs n o uris h in g to y o u?
3. W hat i s c lu tte rin g y o ur l ife ?
4. W hat k eep s y o u a w ake a t n ig ht?
5. W hat d id y o u e njo y d oin g a s a c hild ?
6. R em em ber a ti m e w hen y o u w ere tr u ly h ap py. W hat d id it fe el lik e? H ow c an y o u fe el th at w ay again ?
7. H ow c an y o u s tr e ngth en y o ur r e la ti o nsh ip w ith a s ig nific ant o th er?
8. W hat i n sp ir e s y o u?
9. W hat m em orie s c an y o u p ass o n to y o ur c hild re n a b out y o ur a ncesto rs ? 10. W hat a re y o u d oin g s o th at y o ur f a m ily r e m em bers y o u?
11 . W hen w as th e l a st ti m e y o u r e ally c hecked i n w ith y o urs e lf?
12. W hat w ould i g nite th e c hild lik e s e nse o f w ond er y o u o nce h ad ?
13. I f y o u c o uld b uild y o ur v ery o w n r e tr e at, w hat w ould i t l o ok l ik e? H ow w ould y o u u se i t?
14. W hat c an y o u d o l e ss o f?
15. W hat d o y o u w ant to d o m ore o f? 16. W hat i s c o m plic ati n g y o ur l ife r ig ht n o w ?
17. H ow c an y o u s im plify i t?
18. A re y o u s a yin g y es w hen y o u r e ally w ant to s a y n o ? T o w hat? T o w ho m ?
Now th at y o u’v e s p ent s o m e ti m e g etti n g a b ette r p ic tu re o f w here y o u a re a nd w here y o u w ant to b e when i t c o m es to S harp enin g th e S aw , l e t’ s b re ak th in gs d ow n i n to m ore m anageab le p ie ces.
PLA NNIN G If y o u w ant a q uality l ife , y o u h av e to p la n a nd w ork f o r th e r e su lts . C are fu l, c o nsis te nt p la nnin g a nd acti o n c an p ro vid e r e new al.
Pla nnin g is m ere ly d ra w in g a b lu ep rin t fo r th e n urtu rin g y o u w is h to e xp erie nce. T here a re tw o keys to s u ccessfu l p la nnin g: c are fu l re fle cti o n, a nd g iv in g th e p la n p rio rity ti m e. C are fu l re fle cti o n will a ssis t y o u in d ete rm in in g w hic h a cti v iti e s w ill s in cere ly r e genera te y o ur e nerg ie s. S afe guard in g ti m e f o r y o ur p la n w ill s e cure ly k eep i t a p rio rity i n y o ur d aily a nd w eekly s c hed ule .
Exerc is in g a p la n th at e nric hes a ll a re as o f y o ur life w ill re q uir e a b out a n h o ur a d ay. It is co m ple te ly w ith in y o ur c o ntr o l. K eep in m in d th at it is v ery p ossib le to c o m bin e a cti v iti e s fr o m tw o or m ore o f th e d im ensio ns. Y ou m ay r e new a r e la ti o nsh ip w hile w alk in g to geth er. O r w hy n o t a tte nd a cla ss o n a n i n te re st y o u s h are w ith a f r ie nd ? T here a re m any w ays to m ake y o ur p la n f it y o u a nd y o ur life sty le p erfe ctl y . Renew al is a g ift y o u g iv e y o urs e lf, n o t a n im positi o n. G iv e y o urs e lf ti m e to g et o ne a re a o f re new al u p , ru nnin g, a nd fu lly la unched . A fte r e xecuti n g it o ver a p erio d o f ti m e, e v alu ate y o ur pro gre ss. A sse ss y o ur p la n a nd s e e i f i t i s f u lfillin g y o ur n eed s. I f y o ur p la n r e q uir e s a d ju stm ent, th en do i t! I t’ s n o t c arv ed i n s to ne. M ove to th e n ext a sp ect o f y o ur p ro gra m o nce y o u a re c o m fo rta b le w ith th e o ne y o u’v e b een w ork in g o n.
Pla n, e xecute , a nd e v alu ate o ne s te p a t a ti m e. If y o u b egin to fe el o ver-w helm ed , ta ke a b re ak and f ig ure o ut w hat n eed s to b e a d ju ste d . T his i s a b out d ecre asin g s tr e ss a nd i n cre asin g y o ur f e elin gs of r e new al a nd b ala nce, n o t th e o pposite ! PH YSIC A L R EN EW AL Yo ur b ody w ill h onor y o u w ith w elln ess i f y o u h onor i t w ith a w are n ess.
—A NO NYM OUS I N O RD ER FO R Y OU to achie v e physic al re new al, yo u m ig ht need to go be-y o nd yo ur co nv enti o nal n o ti o ns o f fitn ess a nd d ie t. If y o u’re s tr u gglin g fo r id eas, re fe r b ack to y o ur checklis t o n p ages 1 31 a nd 1 32. W ould o ne o f th e u nchecked i te m s b e a g o od p la ce to s ta rt?
Take a f e w m in ute s to a nsw er th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns.
1. W hat d oes y o ur b ody n eed f o r r e new al?
2. I s th ere s o m e a cti v ity y o u’v e s e en o th er p eo ple d oin g th at y o u’d l ik e to tr y ?
3. D o y o u w ant to l e arn m ore a b out n utr iti o n?
4. D o y o u w ant to l e arn m ore a b out f itn ess?
Make a lis t o f a cti v iti e s y o u th in k w ould e nhance th e p hysic al d im ensio n o f y o ur life a nd b rin g re new al. L is t th in gs y o u a re s in c ere ly in te re ste d in . P utti n g d ow n “ go to th e g ym ” w hen y o u kno w y o u h ate i t a nd w on’t d o i t i s n ’t g o in g to m ove y o u f o rw ard ! L is t a cti v iti e s y o u w ould enjo y. Y ou w on’t m ake p ro gre ss b y w earin g yo urs e lf d ow n. Y ou are se ekin g to enliv en pote nti a l, n o t b eat i t to d eath !
PLA N Cho ose o ne a cti v ity fr o m y o ur lis t th at r e ally fits y o ur c urre nt n eed s. W rite it a s a n a ffir m ati o n. F or exam ple , y o u m ig ht s ta te y o ur p la n l ik e th is : “ I w ill r e -s e arc h m y n utr iti o nal o pti o ns f o r te n d ays.” Once y o u h av e c la rity o n w hic h a cti o n to ta ke, i t’ s ti m e to p la n. I n y o ur F ra nklin P la nnin g S yste m , o r oth er p la nnin g to ol o f c ho ic e, m ake a n a p poin tm ent w ith y o urs e lf to b egin y o ur a cti v ity .
If th e a cti v ity is s o m eth in g s u ch a s e xerc is in g a ero bic ally fo r th ir ty m in ute s th re e to fo ur ti m es a week, pla n th e exerc is e in to ad eq uate sp ots w ith in a th re e- to fo ur-w eek ti m e fr a m e. It’ s re co m mend ed th at y o u s e e a m ed ic al d octo r b efo re i n cre asin g a ny p hysic al a cti v ity .
If th e a cti v ity i s s o m eth in g l ik e m akin g c hanges i n w hat y o u e at a nd d rin k, ta ke th e f ir s t f e w d ays or e v en th e f ir s t w eek to d o r e se arc h. B efo re y o u m ake y o ur p la n, p la n to l e arn w hat c hanges a re r ig ht fo r y o u. T hen s p end th e n ext f e w w eeks i m ple m enti n g th e c hanges i n m odera ti o n a s n eed ed .
EVA LU ATE At th e e nd o f th e th re e- to f o ur-w eek p erio d, p la n a n e v alu ati o n s e ssio n. S ched ule i t n o w . D urin g th is se ssio n, ta ke s to ck in w hat w ork ed a nd w hat d id n’t. C hange w hat d id n’t w ork a nd re p la ce it w ith so m eth in g y o u f e el w ill w ork f o r y o u. U se th e s p ace b elo w to r e co rd y o ur s u ccesse s, a s w ell a s th o se th in gs y o u n eed to c hange.
Rem em ber! S poilin g y o urs e lf o nce in a w hile is a ctu ally g o od fo r y o u. It tr ig gers e nd orp hin s. It’ s sa ti s fy in g. Y ou d on’t h av e to th ro w d ow n th e s e lf- d is c ip lin e g auntl e t, j u st r e la x a l ittl e . I n d ulg in g c an help y o u c o ntr o l c ra v in gs s o th ey d on’t tu rn i n to b in ge-fe sts . B ala nce i s a b out e njo yin g b lis s, n o t j u st cutti n g o ut th e j u nk. SP IR IT U AL R EN EW AL The s o ul w as n ever p ut i n t h e b ody... t o s ta nd s till.
—J OHN W EBST ER S PIR IT U AL R EN EW AL i s a d im ensio n o f p ers o nal l e ad ers h ip a nd d ir e cti o n. T he d ir e cti o n c o m es f r o m yo ur m ora l c o m pass. T his i s a p riv ate a sp ect o f y o ur r e new al. Y our m is sio n— yo ur p urp ose i n l ife — is y o ur i n ner c o m pass. Y our v alu es a re th e m echanis m s th at p oin t th e w ay.
Hono rin g a nd n urtu rin g y o ur in ner c o m pass is a m ost im porta nt ta sk . B y c harti n g a c o urs e o f sp ir itu al r e new al, y o u p ro vid e a r e kin d lin g o f th e “ fir e w ith in .” T his p ro vid es th e e nerg y n ecessa ry to tr a v el th e c o urs e y o ur c o m pass h as c harte d .
ID EN TIF Y Spir itu al r e new al e nco m passe s m any a re as. I t w ill b e d iffe re nt f o r e ach p er-s o n. S pir itu al r e new al i s pers o nal a nd c an b e e xtr e m ely in ti m ate . In te rp re ti n g w hat y o ur fr a m e o f re fe re nce te lls y o u a b out what i s h ap penin g “ o ut th ere ” i s s p ir itu al r e new al.
Reco rd y o ur th o ughts a nd th e a nsw ers to th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns:
Whic h e nd eav ors w ill s ti m ula te a nd i n sp ir e y o u a s w ell a s ti e y o u to w hat y o u v alu e m ost?
2. W hat ty p es o f th in gs c an y o u d o a nd in w hat ty p es o f p la ces c an y o u s p end y o ur ti m e s o y o u a re in sp ir e d a nd s p ir itu ally r e fr e sh ed ?
3. H ow d o y o u p ers o nally c o nnect to a h ig her p ow er?
4. D o y o ur a cti o ns a lig n w ith y o ur v alu es?
Lis t th e s p ir itu ally r e new in g i d eas th at y o u h av e th o ught o f: PLA N Whic h re new al id ea fr o m y o ur lis t s e em s rig ht fo r y o u a t th is ti m e? W rite it a s a n a ffir m ati o n. F or exam ple , if yo u hav e dete rm in ed to vis it th e m ounta in s se v era l ti m es a m onth fo r sp ir itu al re genera ti o n, y o u m ig ht w rite , “ I w ill v is it th e m ounta in s fo ur ti m es th is m onth o n th e fo llo w in g days...” In y o ur F ra nklin P la nnin g S yste m o r o th er p la nnin g to ol, s c hed ule th e ti m es w hen y o u w ill fo llo w th ro ugh o n y o ur c o m mitm ent.
EVA LU ATE Dete rm in e a ti m e, p erh ap s th re e to f o ur w eeks f r o m n o w , w hen y o u c an a p pra is e y o ur p ro gre ss. H ow is it g o in g? D o y o u fe el a s p ir itu al c o nnecti o n— a re new al— sp re ad in g th ro ugho ut y o ur life ? If n o t, what a d ju stm ents c an y o u m ake?
In th e s p ace b elo w , r e co rd y o ur s u ccesse s a nd a ny c hanges y o u w ant to m ake to y o ur p la n.
BEIN G S E LF-A W ARE Rem em ber re ad in g a b out th e a sp ect o f “ co nsc ie nce”? C onsc ie nce is th e e nd ow ment o f b ein g s e lf- aw are . I t’ s a g ift to k no w th e i n ner c allin gs o f y o ur p urp ose .
Bein g s e lf- a w are c an a ssis t y o u i n ta kin g y o ur r e new al a cti v iti e s to a l e v el o f m axim um p ote nti a l.
When a p ers o n c o nnects re new al w ith p ers o nal p urp ose , o ne’s life b eco m es c o ngru ent w ith o ne’s auth enti c n atu re . W hen th is o ccurs , y o ur f ir e w ith in i s a liv e a nd w ell. Y ou m ig ht f in d y o urs e lf s e ekin g th e s p onta neo us tr a nsm is sio n o f r e new in g e nerg y a s a w ay o f l ife — a w ay o f b ein g o n a d aily b asis . MEN TA L R EN EW AL Educa tio n— co ntin uin g e d uca tio n, c o ntin ually h onin g a nd e xp andin g th e m in d— is v ita l men ta l re n ew al. S om etim es th at in vo lv es th e e xte rn al d is c ip lin e o f th e c la ssro om fo r sy ste m atiz e d stu dy p ro gra m s; m ore o fte n it d oes n ot. P ro activ e p eo ple c a n fig ure o ut many w ays to e d uca te th em se lv es. It is e xtr e m ely v a lu able to tr a in th e m in d to s ta nd apart a nd e xa m in e i ts o w n p ro gra m . T hat, t o m e, i s t h e d efin itio n o f a l ib era l e d uca tio n —th e a bility to e xa m in e th e p ro gra m s o f life a gain st la rg er q uestio ns a nd p urp ose s a nd oth er p ara dig m s.
— S TE PH EN R . C OVEY I N TO DAY ’S W ORLD , if yo u don’t keep yo urs e lf m enta lly sh arp , yo u’re in big tr o ub le . M enta l sti m ula ti o n co m es fr o m a w id e varie ty of so urc es. It is n ’t alw ays ab out re new in g cre d enti a ls , alth o ugh th at is im porta nt. F ic ti o n, a rt, e d ucati o nal T V, p uzzle s, a nd g am es c an b e a b out s tr e tc hin g yo urs e lf m en-ta lly a s w ell.
ID EN TIF Y Rese arc hers b elie v e th at v ig o ro us m enta l e xerc is e lite ra lly g ro w s b ra in c ir c uitr y . F urth erm ore , th e pro cess d oes n o t d im in is h w ith a ge. I f th is i s tr u e, e xerc is in g y o ur m enta l c ap aciti e s s h o uld k eep y o u as y o ung a nd v ita l a s e xerc is in g y o ur b ody c an. R eco rd y o ur th o ughts a b out a nd th e a nsw ers to th e fo llo w in g q uesti o ns:
1. D o y o u l ik e s o lv in g s o m e ty p e o f p uzzle ? W hat ty p es?
2. H av e y o u tr ie d to w rite y o ur o w n p oetr y ? W hat w as i t l ik e?
3. W ould y o u l ik e to l e arn h o w to d o s im ple m ain te nance o n y o ur c ar o r a n a p plia nce?
4. I s th ere s o m eth in g y o u’v e a lw ays b een c urio us a b out? W hat i s i t?
5. D o y o u l ik e to r e ad o r v is it m use um s? W hat s o rts o f b ooks? W hic h ty p e o f m use um ?
6. I s th ere a h o bby o r c ra ft y o u’d l ik e to ta ke u p ? W hic h o nes?
Now l is t y o ur i d eas f o r m enta l r e new al a cti v iti e s:
PLA N Sele ct th e i d ea y o u w ant to s ta rt w ith . S ta te y o ur a cti v ity a s a n a ffir m ati o n. F or e xam ple , i f y o ur i d ea is to l e arn a n ew w ord e ach d ay, y o u m ig ht s ta te i t l ik e th is : “ I w ill l e arn o ne n ew w ord e ach d ay f o r th e n ext th re e w eeks.” In y o ur F ra nklin P la nnin g S yste m o r o th er p la nnin g to ol, sc hed ule ti m e fo r th is a cti v ity . If y o u’v e decid ed to l e arn a n ew s k ill, y o u m ay n eed to s c hed ule o ne o r tw o ti m e s lo ts a w eek. S ched ule y o ur ti m e a cro ss s e v era l w eeks.
EVA LU ATE Make a n a p poin tm ent w ith y o urs e lf fo r se lf- e v alu ati o n a t th e e nd o f a m onth . S ched ule it in y o ur pla nnin g to ol n o w . D urin g y o ur e v alu ati o n, c heck o n h o w w ell y o ur m enta l r e new al p la n i s w ork in g.
If n ecessa ry , c hange o r tw eak w hat n eed s to b e a d ju ste d . R eco rd y o ur p ro gre ss b elo w .
The m ost i m porta nt i n gre d ie n t w e p ut i n to a ny r e la tio nsh ip i s n ot w hat w e s a y o r d o, b ut what w e a re .
— S TE PH EN R . C OVEY R ELATIO NSH IP S C A N B E O NE o f th e m ost e nric hin g e le m ents o f l ife . F or e ach r e la ti o nsh ip th e questi o ns o f tr u st, k in d ness, v alu es, a nd l o yalty c o m e i n to p la y.
Ofte n in our hurrie d w orld , w e opera te on th e m is ta ken assu m pti o n th at w e can quic kly accum ula te f r ie nd s a nd c lo se c o lle agues. W e o fte n m is ta ke a cq uain ta nces f o r r e la ti o nsh ip s.
Meanin gfu l r e la ti o nsh ip s a re n o t lik e th e m old a ccum ula ti n g o n th e c hed dar in y o ur fr id ge. T hey re q uir e c o nsc io us e ffo rt. D on’t fo rg et, e ach re la ti o n-s h ip is lik e a b ank a cco unt. T he q uality o f th e re la ti o nsh ip d ep end s o n w hat y o u p ut in to it. K eep in g p ro m is e s, b ein g c o urte o us a nd k in d , o ffe rin g su p port, l is te nin g, a nd ta kin g ti m e f o r th e o th er p ers o n a re j u st a f e w w ays to m ake d ep osits .
Of c o urs e th ere a re c erta in th in gs th at w ill m ake w ith d ra w als , a nd y o u’ll w ant to m in im iz e th o se .
Keep yo ur E m oti o nal B ank A cco unts gro w in g, and yo u’ll se e th e div id end s in deep er, m ore meanin gfu l r e la ti o nsh ip s.
Befo re y o u s ta rt c harti n g o ut th e a cti v iti e s y o u w ant to u se i n y o ur p la n f o r th is h um an d im ensio n, co nsid er one co ncep t. C onsid er so cia l/e m oti o nal re sto ra ti o n as hav in g tw o eq ually im porta nt bra nches: s e lf a nd o th ers .
SE LF Reco gniz e th at fu ll r e new al w ill n ev er b e a chie v ed if y o u d on’t fir s t in v est in a p ers o nal E m oti o nal Bank A cco unt, o r th e b ra nch k no w n a s “ se lf.” We a ll n eed re sp ect. W e a ll e xp erie nce a re as o f e m pti n ess a nd n eed . T hese a re p la ces w here unco nd iti o nal lo ve a nd re gard a re n eed ed b ut a re n o t a lw ays fo und . Y ou d on’t h av e to g o a ro und fe elin g e m pty a nd w orn . Y ou c an p ro -a cti v ely ta ke a cti o n. Y ou a re th e p rim ary p ers o n in c harg e o f se ein g th at y o ur n eed s a re m et. I t b egin s w ith y o u.
Your fir s t s te p in s o cia l/e m oti o nal r e new al s h o uld b e a s te p to c are fo r y o ur-s e lf. W hat c an y o u do th at s h o w s r e gard , c are , a nd l o ve f o r s e lf?
One m an m akes d ep osits i n h is o w n E m oti o nal B ank A cco unt b y tr u sti n g h is i n sti n cts . H e r e p orts th at he d oesn ’t a lw ays k no w w hy h e d oes w hat h e d oes, b ut h e h as le arn ed to h o no r th is s e nse o f in ner peace.
ID EN TIF Y It i s f u lly l e giti m ate to n urtu re y o urs e lf b efo re r e achin g o ut to o th ers . Y ou c an’t g iv e s o m eo ne a d rin k of w ate r fr o m a n e m pty g la ss. T ake ti m e to fill y o ur g la ss a nd y o u w ill s e e th e A bund ance M enta lity re p le nis h in g y o ur g la ss a nd s p illin g o ver i n to y o ur o th er r e la ti o nsh ip s. I f y o u s in cere ly ta ke g o od c are of y o urs e lf, y o u’ll g ain g enuin e i n sig ht i n to h o w to c are f o r o th ers .
Jo t d ow n y o ur a nsw ers to a nd th o ughts o n th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns:
1. D o y o u h av e a q uie t, s a fe p la ce to r e tr e at to ?
2. D o y o u s u rro und y o urs e lf w ith s in cere ly s u p porti v e p eo ple ?
3. H av e y o u c o nsid ere d ta kin g y o urs e lf o ut o n a d ate ?
4. D o y o u a llo w y o urs e lf to b elie v e i n y o ur g o als a nd d re am s?
5. D o y o u k no w h o w to p ro vid e f o r y o ur p ers o nal n eed s?
Refle ct o n e xp erie nces o r ti m es w hen y o u fe lt c are d fo r, a ccep te d , n eed ed , a nd lo ved . C an y o u pro vid e a s im ila r e xp erie nce w here y o u h av e p ro vid ed s e rv ic e to o th ers ?
PLA N In y o ur F ra nklin P la nnin g S yste m o r o th er p la nnin g to ol, p la n o ut th e im ple m enta ti o n o f y o ur id ea.
Sched ule a n e v alu ati o n d ate . T ry m akin g i t s o m eti m e d urin g th e f ir s t tw o w eeks o f y o ur p la n.
EVA LU ATE Pla n to e v alu ate y o ur p ers o nal r e new al a t th e e nd o f y o ur fir s t w eek. S ched ule y o ur e v alu ati o n d ay no w . T ake ti m e to d ete rm in e i f y o u f e el m ore r e fr e sh ed a nd v alu ed a fte r h av in g y o ur p la n i n a cti o n.
If y o u a re r e ap in g y o ur d esir e d r e su lts , k eep u p th e g o od w ork . I f y o u n eed to a d ju st y o ur p la n, d o so , a nd g iv e y o urs e lf a no th er w eek o f e xp erim enti n g to g et th e r e new al y o u w ant.
In th e s p ace b elo w , r e co rd th o se th in gs th at w ork ed a nd th o se th at d id n’t. W hat w ill y o u c hange to make i t w ork f o r y o u?
OTH ER S As yo u co nti n ue to p la n acti v iti e s th at culti v ate a d eep in ner se nse o f yo ur p ers o nal w orth and se curity , y o u m ay sta rt n o ti c in g th at y o u h av e b eco m e in v olv ed in a cti v iti e s th at g ro w o ut o f a n Abund ance M enta lity . T his m odel i s b ase d o n th e r e co gniti o n th at th ere i s p le nty o ut th ere a nd e no ugh to s p are fo r e v ery o ne. T his m enta lity ta kes th e p ers o nal jo y, s a ti s fa cti o n, a nd fu lfillm ent y o u fin d in pers o nal c are , a nd s ta rts to e xte nd i t o utw ard .
Because y o u h av e s ta rte d to r e co gniz e y o ur o w n u nlim ite d p ossib iliti e s a nd h av e a p pre cia ti o n f o r yo ur o w n u niq ueness, y o u s ta rt to v alu e m ore o f th ese q ualiti e s in o th ers . F ro m th is p ers p ecti v e, y o u ap pre cia te th e r e m ark ab le ta le nts a nd in ner d ir e cti o n o f o th ers . O fte n y o u b egin to fe el c o m pelle d to lis te n h ard er, c o m munic ate m ore c le arly , a nd h o no r a nd re sp ect o th ers th ro ugh p ositi v e in te ra cti o n.
You s ta rt m akin g d ep osits i n to th eir E m oti o nal B ank A cco unts .
ID EN TIF Y Each re la ti o nsh ip re q uir e s a u niq ue ty p e o f d ep osit. S om e re la ti o nsh ip s e q uate h ugs, c o m plim ents , and s m all g ifts w ith d ep osits . F or o th er r e la ti o nsh ip s, d ep end ab ility a nd p ullin g y o ur o w n w eig ht a re th e prim ary dep osits . T hin k of se v era l acti v iti e s yo u co uld engage in th at w ould enric h yo ur re la ti o nsh ip s w ith o th ers . H as s o m eo ne a sk ed f o r y o ur ti m e? I s th ere s o m eo ne i n y o ur f a m ily o r c lo se cir c le o f fr ie nd s w ho n eed s a nd w ants y o ur a tte nti o n? Is th ere s o m eo ne y o u v alu e a nd w ant to g et to kno w b ette r?
Answ er th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns:
1. H ow c an y o u s tr e ngth en y o ur r e la ti o nsh ip w ith a p artn er o r s p ouse ? 2. D o y o u n eed to le arn m ore a b out w hat ty p es o f d ep osits w ork fo r th e o th er p ers o n in v olv ed in a re la ti o nsh ip ?
3. D o y o u n eed to c le ar ti m e f o r s o m eo ne?
4. D o y o u n eed to h elp o ut a t y o ur c hild re n’s s c ho ol?
5. D o y o u n eed to b e m ore r e sp ectf u l?
6. D o y o u n eed to l e arn to l is te n?
Lis t a cti o ns y o u a re i n te re ste d i n ta kin g i n o rd er to m ake s o cia l i n v estm ents .
PLA N Whic h id ea d o y o u w ant to s ta rt o n r ig ht n o w ? W rite it a s a n a ffir m ati o n. F or e xam ple , if y o u h av e decid ed th at yo u w ant to enliv en yo ur re la ti o nsh ip w ith a child , yo u m ig ht hav e an affir m ati o n sta te m ent th at r e ad s: “ I w ill r e ad w ith m y c hild f o r 1 0 to 1 5 m in ute s e ach w eeknig ht.” In y o ur F ra nklin P la nnin g S yste m o r o th er p la nnin g to ol, p la n y o ur ti m e o ver th e n ext w eek to r e new th is r e la ti o nsh ip .
EVA LU ATE Peo ple a re liv in g, b re ath in g o rg anis m s. Y ou w ould n o t le av e a p la nt o r a nim al u ncare d fo r o ver a lo ng p erio d o f ti m e. I n te rn al h um an n eed s r e q uir e j u st a s m uch c o nsta nt a tte nti o n a s e xte rn al, p hysic al need s. If y o u w ant s o cia l/e m oti o nal r e new al, y o u w ill n eed to p la n a cti v iti e s a nd th eir a sse ssm ents more fr e q uentl y to fo ste r th ese r e la ti o nsh ip s. T ry a sse ssin g y o ur s u ccess a nd p ro gre ss a fte r th e fir s t week.
If y o u’re r e ally b ra v e, tr y a sk in g f o r f e ed back. C heck y o ur p ro gre ss f r o m th e p ers p ecti v e o f th o se with w ho m y o u r e la te . PA RT F O UR SO W HAT N OW ? SO W HAT N O W ?
Life i s n ot o rd erly . N o m atte r h ow h ard w e t r y t o m ake l ife s o , r ig ht i n t h e m id dle o f i t w e die , l o se a l e g , f a ll i n l o ve, d ro p a j a r o f a pple sa uce.
—N ATA LIE G OLD BERG I M PLEM EN TIN G A R EN EW AL P LA N c an s e em lik e a d aunti n g th in g. Y ou’v e g o ne th ro ugh a ll th e s te p s in t h e p re v io us p ages a nd y o u m ig ht sti ll fe el b ogged d ow n, o verw helm ed , a nd n o t re new ed a t a ll.
T hat’ s n o t u nusu al. I f y o u’v e b een a b le to i m ple m ent y o ur p la n to y o ur s a ti s fa cti o n, c o ngra tu la ti o ns to y o u! I f n o t, r e ad o n. W e’v e p ro vid ed s o m e h in ts , ti p s, i d eas, a nd e nco ura gem ent f o r y o u to u se o n y o ur j o urn ey.
WHAT T O D O W HEN Y OU’R E R EA DY T O L O SE Y OUR M IN D G et S om e O xyg en.
F ocuse d b re ath in g c an h elp y o u c o ntr o l y o ur p hysic al r e sp onse s to s tr e ss. P ut y o ur to ngue o n th e r o of o f y o ur m outh b ehin d y o ur te eth , in hale d eep ly th ro ugh y o ur n o se , a nd fill u p w ith a ir u nti l y o ur s to m ach s ti c ks o ut lik e a b ab y’s . T hen s lo w ly r e le ase th e a ir th ro ugh y o ur n o se o r m outh . D o th is a t l e ast th re e ti m es. I t w ill h elp y o u l o ose n u p a nd s e ttl e d ow n.
T ak e a P ers p ectiv e C heck G et th e “ b ig p ic tu re ” q uic kly b y a sk in g y o urs e lf: “ O kay, w ill I c are a b out th is i n a m onth ? I n a y ear? ” I f y o u’re g o in g to fr e ak o ut, m ake s u re it’ s fo r a g o od r e aso n. If y o ur r e aso n fo r s tr e ssin g s u d denly s e em s r id ic ulo us, l a ugh i t o ff.
C hoose Y our R esp onse P ic k th e ap pro pria te and pro ducti v e em oti o n: anger, co ura ge, hum or, co m passio n, sa d ness, or w hate v er. A ny e m oti o n is o kay a s lo ng a s y o u r e m ain in c o ntr o l a nd h and le th e s itu ati o n w ith a littl e f in esse . A S E LF-R EN EW AL P LA N Sta rt s m all.
S ta rt y o ur p la n w ith a n a cti v ity th at y o u f e el v ery m oti v ate d d oin g. N ev er h ad th e d esir e to ta ke a c la ss i n m eta p hysic s? S o w hat? F in d s o m eth in g y o u a re tr u ly i n te re ste d i n . T here ’s g o t to b e so m eth in g!
Keep it g oin g.
C onti n ue u sin g a ny s u ccessfu l a cti v ity y o u’re a lr e ad y d oin g fo r r e new al. N o n eed to re in v ent th e w heel!
Ta ke y o ur t im e.
P la y w ith d iffe re nt i d eas a nd e xp erim ent u nti l y o u f in d th e r ig ht c o m bin ati o n o f th in gs th at w ork f o r y o u. D on’t f o rg et th at y o u c an c o m bin e a cti v iti e s f r o m d iffe re nt d im ensio ns a nd k ill tw o bir d s w ith o ne s to ne!
Don’t o verw helm y o urse lf.
If a ll o f y o ur re new al a cti v iti e s fill d aily ti m e s lo ts , y o u c o uld b eco m e overw helm ed r a th er th an e nliv ened . G o e asy o n y o urs e lf a nd d on’t e xp ect a q uic k f ix .
Contin ually a dju st.
V ery r a re ly w ill a p la n w ork fo re v er. T im es c hange, y o ur in te re sts a nd a b iliti e s will c hange. P la n to c o nti n ually a d ju st a nd u p date y o ur a cti v iti e s.
Be s e lf- a w are .
Y our lik es, d is lik es, a nd p ers o nal s ty le w ill h elp y o u in p la nnin g a cti v iti e s, w hic h yie ld y o ur g re ate st r e sto ra ti v e p ote nti a l.
YOUR O W N L IT TLE S A NCTU ARY Is y o ur h o m e a p la ce o f re fu ge o r ju st a n aggin g re m in d er th at c arp ets d o in d eed re q uir e re gula r vacuum in g? H ere a re a f e w th in gs y o u c an d o to m ake i t a p la ce y o u w ant to c o m e h o m e to .
Splu rg e o n f r e sh f lo w ers o nce i n a w hile .
T hey b rig hte n y o ur h o m e a nd c an s m ell w ond erfu l. E ven a bunch o f d ais ie s i n a g la ss c an c re ate a s e nse o f s e re nity .
Turn o n s o m e b ea utifu l m usic .
I t c an c hange y o ur m ood a nd h elp y o u w in d d ow n, r e la x, a nd r e gro up .
Have a c le a n-u p b in .
P ic k u p c lu tte r a nd p ut it in a s o rt- th ro ugh-la te r b in . A c le an ro om c an m ake yo ur s u rro und in gs m ore p eacefu l.
Try s o m e a ro m ath era py.
I t’ s n o t h ard to g et y o ur h and s o n s c ente d c and le s, o ils , s a chets , o r s p ra ys. A wond erfu l s m ell c an b e tr u ly s o oth in g.
Rea p th e b en efits o f liv e p la nts .
P la nts c an h elp h yd ra te y o ur s k in , lo w er y o ur b lo od p re ssu re , a nd re d uce d ust a nd i n d oor c hem ic al p ollu ta nts . T hey l o ok n ic e, to o!
FIV E S T EPS T O I N NER R EN EW AL Rem em ber.
B urie d u nd er th e y ears a nd e xp erie nces o f y o ur life is a m em ory o f a d re am , a fo rg o tte n wanti n g, a s im ple w him . C ap tu re th e m em ory o nce a gain a nd m ake i t a r e ality .
Cre a te .
S om eti m es w e a re a fr a id to e xp re ss o urs e lv es in a w ay th at le av es ta ngib le e v id ence o f o ur th o ughts a nd f e elin gs. C re ate s o m eth in g, e v en i f y o u s ta rt b y r e v is iti n g a b ox o f c ra yo ns. Abso rb .
O fte n w hat y o u h av e is w hat y o u’v e c ho se n to h av e. T here m ust b e s o m eth in g a b out y o ur “no w ” th at y o u c an b e f u lly g la d i s y o urs . M ayb e i t’ s a s u nse t, o r a f lo w er g ard en, o r a f a v orite p ie ce of m usic . A llo w y o urs e lf to a b so rb o ne g ift th at’ s y o urs .
Want.
If y o u n ev er fe lt th e d is c o m fo rt o f th ir s t, y o ur b ody w ould d ry u p . T he w anti n g in sid e o f y o u sh o uld b e h o no re d lik e th ir s t. W hat is it? W hat d o y o u w ant? D rin k it u p . F in d a w ay to p ut th e wanti n g a t p eace. T hen l is te n f o r th e n ext w ant. Q uenchin g w ants n urtu re s y o ur s o ul.
Need .
W e o fte n n egle ct o ur n eed s a s m uch a s w e d o o ur w ants . A n eed is d eep er th an a w ant. If y o u need r e st, ta ke i t. I f y o u n eed l a ughte r, c re ate i t. I f y o u n eed l o ve, g ro w i t.
FO UR E A SY W AY S T O S IM PLIF Y Y OUR L IF E Sch ed ule s o m e d ow ntim e e very d ay.
W rite i n a j o urn al o r ta ke a q uie t b ath b efo re b ed . R eco gniz e th at no t d oin g i t a ll i s o kay— ev en i m porta nt.
Make a p la n t o p ay o ff c re d it c a rd b ala nces.
Y es, y o u c an d o i t. D itc h a ll th e c ard s e xcep t tw o— one fo r b usin ess e xp ense s a nd o ne f o r p ers o nal e xp ense s. A nd do l e av e h o m e w ith o ut th em w henev er y o u can!
Lea ve t h e T V o ff o ne n ig ht a w eek.
Y ou’ll b e s u rp ris e d a t th e e xtr a ti m e y o u h av e. L eav in g i t o ff m ay ev en b eco m e a h ab it!
Don’t b e a sla ve to th e p hone.
L et y o ur m achin e p ic k u p — if it’ s im porta nt, th ey’ll le av e y o u a messa ge. W hen yo u get anno yin g so lic ita ti o n calls , ask to hav e yo ur nam e re m oved fr o m th e co m pany’s l is t.
Be p atie n t w ith y o urse lf. S elf- g ro w th i s t e n der; i t’s h oly g ro und.
—S TEPH EN R . C OVEY CO NCLU SIO N I M PLEM EN TIN G T H E 7 H ABIT S can help yo u ta ke re sp onsib ility fo r yo ur life , d ecid e w hat’ s re ally i m porta nt, and liv e by co rre ct prin cip le s. In ad diti o n, it can help yo u dev elo p an A bund ance M enta lity .
Bre akin g a w ay fr o m o ld h ab its to e m pow er y o urs e lf to le arn n ew h ab its c an b e c o m pare d to th e s p ace s h uttl e le av in g th e a tm osp here . M ost o f th e e nerg y is s p ent b re akin g a w ay fr o m th e g ra v ity o f t h e e arth . A n e no rm ous s e v en m illio n p ound s o f to ta l th ru st is re q uir e d to lift th e s h uttl e d urin g its e ig ht- a nd -a -h alf m in ute j o urn ey i n to th e v acuum o f s p ace.
Hav in g o verc o m e e arth ’s g ra v ity a nd tr a v elin g 3 00 m ile s a b ove th e e arth a t a s o berin g 1 7,5 00 m ile s per ho ur, astr o nauts su d denly exp erie nce an end le ss ra nge of new possib iliti e s in th eir w eig htl e ss e nv ir o nm ent. F orm er U .S . s e nato r J a ke G arn re calls , “ I fo und th at I c o uld m ove m yse lf b ackw ard j u st b y b lo w in g a ir, a nd th at a f in gerti p p ush c o uld p ro pel m e f a ste r th an I w ante d to g o .” Lik ew is e , to o verc o m e th e g ra v ity p ull o f d eep ly e m bed ded h ab its , w e m ust b re ak fr e e fr o m e nv ir o nm enta l e xp ecta ti o ns a nd s o cia l d efin iti o ns. O nce w e d o th at, w e g ain r e al p ow er a nd f r e ed om .
STA RT L IV IN G T H E 7 H ABIT S Y ou m ust h av e a c o nti n ual im pro vem ent p ro cess in y o ur life if y o u h o pe to th riv e a nd p ro sp er in a n e nv ir o nm ent o f c o nsta nt c hange a nd u p heav al. A void in g th e c o nd iti o ns o f m ed io crity , s ta gnati o n, a nd c o m pla cency r e q uir e s g re at i n iti a ti v e, v is io n, a nd d is c ip lin e, a nd c an o ccur o nly i f y o u a re w illin g to p ay th e p ric e to a chie v e th is P riv ate V ic to ry .
To s ta rt l iv in g th e 7 H ab its , c o nsid er th e f o llo w in g s te p s:
1 .
Learn to b e s ti ll, to m ed ita te , a nd to l iv e w ith s o m e s ile nce. P ond er y o ur m is sio n s ta te m ent and u niq ue h um an e nd ow ments . Y ou s h o uld a ls o s ta rt b y m akin g s m all c o m mitm ents s o y o u don’t g et o verc o m mitte d .
2 .
Conti n ually S harp en th e S aw a nd s p end ti m e e ach d ay r e new in g th e f o ur d im ensio ns o f y o ur life : physic al, sp ir itu al, m enta l, and so cia l/ em oti o nal. A s a part of th is se lf- re new al pro cess, a t th e b egin nin g o f e ach d ay, a sk y o urs e lf th e f o llo w in g q uesti o ns, th en th in k a b out yo ur m is sio n s ta te m ent, w hat y o u s ta nd f o r, a nd w hat y o ur p urp ose i s i n l ife :
What i s i t th at I w ant to d o to day?
How a m I g o in g to d eal w ith m y l o ved o nes to day?
How a m I g o in g to h and le to day’s c halle nges?
3 .
Make d ep osits i n to th e E m oti o nal B ank A cco unts o f y o ur k ey r e la ti o nsh ip s, a nd n urtu re th e peo ple y o u a re c lo se to . S uccess a nd h arm ony a t h o m e p re ced e a ll o th er s u ccesse s.
4 .
Spend m ore ti m e in Q uad ra nt II. D ecid e w hat is r e ally im porta nt a nd w ork o n th at. S ay n o to th o se th in gs th at a re n o t i n Q uad ra nt I I a nd w ork o n e m pow erin g o th ers to f r e e u p m ore o f yo ur o w n ti m e a nd e nerg y.
5 .
Make su re yo ur m is sio n sta te m ent is in ta ct, and w ork o n d ev elo pin g a fa m ily m is sio n sta te m ent.
6 .
Take re sp onsib ility fo r d ecid in g w hat yo ur fa m ily is all ab out, th en p la n and execute acco rd in g to y o ur p rio riti e s/ 7 .
Regula rly r e v ie w th e 7 H ab its a nd te ach th em to o th ers , s u ch a s f a m ily m em bers a nd w ork asso cia te s.
8 .
Be p ati e nt a nd k in d to y o urs e lf in th e p ro cess; h o w ev er, re aliz e th at to m ake th ese h ab its and p rin cip le s a p art o f y o ur l ife , y o u m ust p ay th e p ric e b y a ctu ally l iv in g th em , r a th er th an mere ly u nd ers ta nd in g th em i n te lle ctu ally .
[ T ] he h ard er th e c o nflic t, th e m ore g lo rio us th e tr iu m ph. W hat w e o bta in to o c h ea p, w e este em to o lig htly ; it is d ea rn ess o nly th at g iv es e very th in g its v a lu e… .I lo ve th e m an th at c a n sm ile in tr o uble , th at c a n g ath er str e n gth fr o m d is tr e ss a nd g ro w b ra ve b y re fle ctio n. ’T is th e b usin ess o f little m in ds to s h rin k; b ut h e w hose h ea rt is fir m , a nd whose c o nsc ie n ce a ppro ves h is c o nduct, w ill p ursu e h is p rin cip le s u nto d ea th .
— T HOM AS P AIN E This p ub lic ati o n is a p ers o nal w ork b ook a nd is in te nd ed e xclu siv ely fo r in d iv id ual u se .
This w ork m ay n o t b e r e p ro duced fo r u se in a c la ssro om o r o th er g ro up s e tti n g o r fo r u se by o rg aniz a ti o ns a s p art o f a tr a in in g p ro gra m . S uch u se m ay b e g ra nte d b y F ra nklin C ovey in a w ritte n lic ense and up on p aym ent o f ap plic ab le lic ense fe es; fo r in fo rm ati o n o n beco m in g a l ic ense d f a cilita to r p le ase c all 1 -8 00-8 68-1 776. ABO UT F R AN K LIN CO VEY F RA NKLIN CO VEY IS A G LO BA L L EA DER in effe cti v eness tr a in in g, p ro ducti v ity to ols , and asse ssm ent s e rv ic es fo r o rg aniz a ti o ns a nd in d iv id uals . O ur c lie nts in clu d e 9 0 p erc ent o f th e F ortu ne 1 00, m ore t h an 75 perc ent of th e F ortu ne 500, th o usa nd s of sm all and m id siz e busin esse s, and num ero us g o vern m ent and ed ucati o nal in sti tu ti o ns. O rg aniz a ti o ns and in d iv id uals access Fra nklin - C ovey p ro ducts a nd s e rv ic es th ro ugh c o rp ora te tr a in in g, lic ense d c lie nt fa cilita to rs , o ne-o n-o ne c o achin g, p ub lic w ork sh o ps, c ata lo gs, m ore th an 1 80 r e ta il s to re s, a nd www.f r a nklin co vey.c o m .
Fra nklin C ovey’s p urp ose is to help o rg aniz a ti o ns su cceed b y unle ash in g th e p ow er o f th eir w ork fo rc e to fo cus on and execute org aniz a ti o nal prio riti e s. W e do th is th ro ugh a se rie s of a sse ssm ents , w ork se ssio ns, and to ols desig ned to get ev ery o ne fo cuse d on th e fe w “w ild ly i m porta nt” g o als th at, i f a chie v ed , m ake a ll th e d iffe re nce.
Our c o re p ro ducts a nd s e rv ic es i n clu d e:
xQ ™ Surv ey a nd D eb rie f ( to h elp l e ad ers a sse ss th eir o rg aniz a ti o n’s “ E xecuti o n Q uo ti e nt” ) W ork sh ops A lig nin g G oals f o r R esu lts F O CUS: A chie v in g Y our H ig hest P rio riti e s T he 7 H ab its o f H ig hly E ffe cti v e P eo ple © T he 4 R ole s o f L ead ers h ip P la nnin g S yste m s T ab le t P la nner ® f o r th e T ab le t P C ® P la nP lu s ® f o r M ic ro so ft ® ; O utl o ok ® F ra nklin C ovey P la nnin g ® S oftw are P alm ® O S a nd P ocket P C S oftw are To help yo ur org aniz a ti o n fo cus on and execute to p prio riti e s— both pro fe ssio nally and p ers o nally — co nta ct F ra nklin C ovey:
F ra nk lin C ovey C o.
2 200 W est P ark w ay B lv d., S alt L ake C ity , U T 8 411 9-2 331, U SA T oll f r e e: 1 -8 00-8 68-1 776 ( fr o m th e U .S . a nd C anad a) Fro m o uts id e th e U .S . a nd C anad a: 0 01-8 01-8 17-1 776 o r f a x 0 01-8 01-3 42-6 664 www.f r a nklin co vey.c o m ABO UT T H E A UTH O R D R . S TEPH EN R . C OVEY is c o fo und er/v ic e c hair m an o f F ra nklin C ovey C om pany, a le ad in g g lo bal p ro fe ssio nal se rv ic es fir m . Fra nklin C ovey offe rs le arn in g and perfo rm ance so lu ti o ns to assis t p ro fe ssio nals and org aniz a ti o ns in sig nific antl y in cre asin g th eir effe cti v eness in pro ducti v ity , l e ad ers h ip , c o m munic ati o ns, a nd sa le s. D r. C ovey is p erh ap s b est k no w n a s th e a uth o r o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple , w hic h is r a nked a s a N o. 1 b est- s e lle r b y The N ew Y o rk T im es, h av in g s o ld m ore th an th ir te en m illio n c o pie s i n th ir ty -s ix l a nguages th ro ugho ut th e w orld . T he b ook’s m essa ge h as c re ate d la sti n g im pact, its s a le s k eep in g it o n n um ero us b est- s e lle r lis ts fo r y ears . D r.
C ovey is a n in te rn ati o nally r e sp ecte d le ad ers h ip a uth o rity , fa m ily e xp ert, te acher, a nd o rg aniz a ti o nal c o nsu lta nt. H e has m ad e te achin g p rin cip le -c ente re d liv in g and p rin cip le -c ente re d le ad ers h ip his l ife ’s w ork .
In 2 002, Forb es nam ed The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple o ne o f th e to p te n m ost in flu enti a l m anagem ent b ooks e v er.
A s u rv ey b y Chie f E xecu tiv e m agazin e r e co gniz e d The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple a s one o f th e tw o m ost i n flu enti a l b usin ess b ooks o f th e tw enti e th c entu ry . D r. C ovey a ls o a uth o re d th e b ook Prin cip le -C en te re d L ea dersh ip , w ith s a le s e xceed in g o ne m illio n c o pie s.
The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple aud io book o n ta p e is th e b est- s e llin g no nfic ti o n aud io book i n h is to ry , s e llin g m ore th an 1 .5 m illio n c o pie s.
Fir st T hin gs F ir st, c o auth o re d b y A . R oger a nd R eb ecca R . M errill, in its fir s t y ear s o ld tw ic e as m any c o pie s a s d id th e h ard co ver e d iti o n o f The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e P eo ple in th e sa m e ti m e p erio d. M ore th an tw o m illio n c o pie s h av e b een s o ld . S im on & S chuste r e xp re sse d th e o pin io n, “ Fir st T hin gs F ir st i s th e b est- s e llin g ti m e m anagem ent b ook e v er.” Dr. C ovey’s The 7 H abits o f H ig hly E ffe ctiv e F am ilie s w as p ub lis h ed i n O cto ber 1 997 a nd w as ra nked fo urth o n The N ew Y o rk T im es b est- s e lle r lis t w ith in th re e m onth s. It is th e n um ber o ne best- s e llin g h ard co ver b ook o n th e fa m ily . H is n ew est b ooks a re The N atu re o f L ea dersh ip , co auth o re d w ith R oger M errill a nd D ew itt J o nes, a nd Liv in g th e 7 H abits : S to rie s o f C oura ge and I n sp ir a tio n.
Dr. C ovey i s th e r e cip ie nt o f th e T ho m as M ore C olle ge M ed allio n f o r c o nti n uin g s e rv ic e to h um anity and h as b een a w ard ed s e v en h o no ra ry d octo ra te s. O th er a w ard s g iv en D r. C ovey in clu d e th e S ik hs’ 1998 I n te rn ati o nal M an o f P eace A w ard , th e 1 994 I n te rn ati o nal E ntr e p re neur o f th e Y ear A w ard , In c.
magazin e’s S erv ic es E ntr e p re neur o f th e Y ear A w ard , a nd , in 1 996, th e N ati o nal E ntr e p re neur o f th e Year Life ti m e A chie v em ent A w ard fo r E ntr e p re neuria l Lead ers h ip . H e has als o re centl y been re co gniz e d a s o ne o f Tim e m agazin e’s tw enty -fiv e m ost in flu enti a l A meric ans a nd o ne o f Sale s a nd Mark etin g M anagem en t ’s to p tw enty -fiv e p ow er b ro kers . D r. C ovey is curre ntl y se rv in g o n th e board o f d ir e cto rs f o r th e P oin ts o f L ig ht F ound ati o n.
Dr. C ovey e arn ed h is u nd erg ra d uate d egre e f r o m th e U niv ers ity o f U ta h, h is M BA f r o m H arv ard , and c o m ple te d h is d octo ra te a t B rig ham Y oung U niv ers ity . W hile a t B rig ham Y oung U niv ers ity , h e se rv ed as assis ta nt to th e pre sid ent and w as als o a pro fe sso r of busin ess m anagem ent and org aniz a ti o nal b ehav io r.
Dr. C ovey’s o rg aniz a ti o nal l e gacy to th e w orld i s C ovey L ead ers h ip C ente r. O n M ay 3 0, 1 997, a merg er w ith F ra nklin Q uest c re ate d th e n ew F ra nklin - C ovey C om pany w ith m ore th an th re e th o usa nd em plo yees a nd $ 350 m illio n in a nnual r e v enue. D r. C ovey’s v is io n o f e m pow erin g o rg aniz a ti o ns to im ple m ent p rin cip le -c ente re d l e ad ers h ip i n th eir c ultu re s w ill c o nti n ue to b e a n i m porta nt f o cus o f th e Fra nklin C ovey C om pany. We h ope y o u e n jo yed re ad in g t h is T ouch sto ne e B ook.
Jo in o ur m ailin g lis t a n d g et u pdate s o n n ew re le ases, d eals , b onus c o nte n t a n d o th er g re at b ooks fro m S im on & S ch uste r.
C LIC K H ER E T O S IG N U P or v is it u s o nlin e to s ig n u p a t eB ookN ew s.S im onan dSch uste r.c o m
