english test on blackboard and homework
Juli Bovard R ed C hevy
From the m om ent the m an in the C hevy stopped to offer m e a ride on that blistering Septem ber
afternoon, I knew I w as in trouble. Before I could say, N o, but thanks anyw ay, the m an in the
passenger side of the car jum ped at m e, tw isted m y arm and held a shiny piece of steel to m y
side. I w as pushed into the car and driven 30 m iles over the county line. D uring the ride, I did
everything every article or specialist on abduction had advised against: I cried, I babbled, and I
lost control. In the end it w as all futile. Tw o hours later after they dum ped m e off near m y hom e I
w as another statistic. I had been raped, and w as now a victim of the brutal, dem eaning, sad
violent crim e of sexual assault. I w as officially one of the 1,871 rapes that occur each day in the
U nited States ( Sexual Assault Statistics ). R ape not only has physical repercussions, but has
an enorm ous psychological and em otional im pact as w ell. D uring m y event as I like to call it, I
rem em bered an initial feeling of shock and num bness, and soon found m yself babbling
incoherently. I begged m y attackers to let m e go. I tried to talk m y w ay out of the car. I even
tried to beg or bar gain m y w ay out. H ow ever, the driver w as very m uch in control of the
situation, and m y w eak efforts failed. Eventually m y babbling gave w ay to cold reason, and I
becam e convinced that not only w ould I be raped, but that I w ould also die. M y life did not pass
before m e as is said to happen to dying people. In fact, I did not think of the past at all, but only
the future and all the things I had not yet done. I had never ridden a horse other than the ponies
at the fair. I had not learned to play golf though I had intended to or learned to snow ski dow n a
m ountain w ith m y son. There w ere too m any people I had not told how I really felt, too m any
people to w hom I w anted to say goodbye. I seriously doubted I w ould ever be given another
chance. I did not die. In fact, other than a few bruises and scratches from the field grass (w here
I w as forced to lie during m y rape), and several cuts on m y neck and cheek left by the brass
knuckle style knife, I w as rem arkably, physically unhurt. The greatest traum a w as to m y m ind.
The psychological and em otional w ounds in the ensuing m onths w ere far w orse than the actual
sexual assault. W ithin a w eek of m y report, the m an w ho raped m e w as arrested and held
w ithout bail (he had previously been convicted of attem pted rape), his accom plice w as not
accused since he agreed to turn state s evidence w hich m eans he m ade a deal to cover him self
and agreed to testify against m y assailant. W hat follow ed these events, I rem em ber, w as a long
investigation that involved m any tedious hours in the police station, and num bing revisits to the
scene of the crim e. Through it all I w as alone, and I halfheartedly tried to com fort m yself for
enduring the stress so w ell. By late O ctober, the m onth of the prelim inary hearing, I had gone
back to w ork, and w as back in control of m y life or so I thought. The actual hearing proved m e
w rong. Though I do not rem em ber m uch about the actual courtroom or its proceedings, I w ill
alw ays rem em ber the w arm th of the day and the overw helm ing odor of m y perpetrator s
cologne (to this day I becom e nauseous if I sm ell the cologne O bsession). Seeing m y assailant
again had an effect on m e that I w as not prepared for. I felt the sam e fear that I had experienced
the day of m y rape, and for the second tim e in m y life I felt terror so deep it paralyzed m e. The
pressure from the entire incident finally overw helm ed m e, and w hen I returned hom e that
afternoon I clim bed into bed and did not leave it for three days. I spent seventytw o hours
staring at the ceiling and vom iting. W hen I finally em erged from m y em otional com a, I could not
eat or sleep. Everything seem ed unreal and unclear to m e. It w as w eeks before I could focus on everyday tasks, even som ething as sim ple as show ering. By the m iddle of N ovem ber, I had lost
close to fifteen pounds. I had constant diarrhea, m y m enstrual cycle had stopped, and I w as
constantly bom barded by anxiety attacks. I could no longer get up each day and go to w ork and
act like nothing had happened. Leaving the house left m e w ith cold sw eats, and sleeping
through the night becam e im possible. I becam e paranoid and despondent. I knew I w ould have
to seek professional help. Fortunately, through counseling I learned that m y reactions w ere very
com m on, and are shared by m ost rape victim s. Through research, I found that all the feelings I
w as having w ere very norm al. M y fear that the rapist w ould return w as natural, and m y inability
to face unfam iliar situations or people w as a classic sym ptom . I also learned that the guilt that
plagued m e, w hich m ade m e think that som ehow I had provoked the rape or w ore the w rong
clothes to entice the rapist, w as sim ply untrue. I w as feeling a great am ount of sham e and
em barrassm ent a stigm a I learned society often places on rape victim s. M y anger, w hich w as
the m ost natural response, w as also the m ost helpful. W hen you are angry, you tend to w ant to
fight back. M y w ay of fighting back w as to get on w ith living. Still I asked, W hy m e? I had
follow ed all the rules set by society. I did not w alk the streets at night, hang out in bars, or talk to
strangers. I w as an actively em ployed m em ber of society. So w hy m e? I found it w asn t just m e
or som ething I did. It could have been any w om an w alking the streets that day, and it w ent far
beyond w hat I w ore or how I w alked, som ething noted author Susan Brow nm iller eloquently
affirm s in her statem ent that, any fem ale m ay becom e a victim of rape. Factors such as youth,
advanced age, physical hom eliness and virginal lifestyle do not provide a foolproof deterrent to
render a w om en im pervious to sexual assault (Brow nm iller 348). Through m y experience and in
talking w ith other victim s I have learned that rape has no typical face. C ertainly the m an w ho
raped m e looked norm al (H e w as not obscene, ugly, or disfigured). H e could have been m y
neighbor, m y grocer, or even m y boyfriend. R ape victim s and its perpetrators are colorless and
ageless. There is no stereotypical rapist or victim . W e can be doctors, law yers, m others, or
fathers. W e are tall, short, fat, and skinny. And, as in m ost victim s cases, sim ply in the w rong
place at the w rong tim e. After the question of w hy m e? I asked, W H Y, at all? W hy does a m an
rape a w om an? Initially I thought it w as obvious for sex. But I w as w rong. The m otivations of
rape include anger, aggression, dom inance, hostility, and pow er, but generally are not usually
associated w ith just the actual act of sex. Q uite sim ply it is violence. M en w ho rape do so
because they are violent and psychotic. There is no other reason, and no valid excuse. In the
end, before I w as to testify, the m an w ho attacked m e changed his plea to guilty. I w alked out of
the district attorney s office and never asked how m any years the rapist w ould serve in prison. It
did not m atter. H e w ould be behind bars, but m ore im portantly, I w ould be free to begin living
again. N ow , instead of dreading the m onth of Septem ber, I celebrate it. I celebrate the m onth, in
w hich, instead of just existing, I started living. I w as a victim of rape, but through years of
counseling and support I am not a victim any longer.