DB Week 1
Chapter 9
Reaching Out to Others:
Especially Those Who Are Different
“MY HUSBAND just won’t talk to me!” Kelly said. “I know he cares about me, but he just can’t seem to express it very well. We’re so different!”
Communication is the key to an effective marriage, yet some couples find it extremely difficult to express their true feelings to one another. The feelings are inside them, but they remain bottled up. Unexpressed love is often interpreted as no love at all. In some cases, it may even be perceived as resentment or rejection.
Brian and Kelly had been married for three years. There were no major problems on the surface of their marriage. However, there was plenty of frustration underneath. They tried to talk about it, but they inevitably ended up in confused silence.
“One of you has to be willing to reach out to the other one,” I suggested. “It will take courage and commitment to try, but you can’t go on in silence.”
“I’m willing,” Kelly said. “But what if he doesn’t respond?”
“You’re not the first woman to face that concern,” I said. “Ruth did it, and it worked for her!”
The little book of Ruth is like a ray of sunshine at the end of a long, dark tunnel. It was originally part of the book of Judges. It was the only ray of hope after three hundred years of failure and heartache. Just when it seemed everything was going wrong, God reminded His people that He was still protecting the promise.
On the surface, the promise seemed more obscure than ever. God was not worshiped, His law was not obeyed, and His Messiah had not come forth. It appeared to many that there was little hope for the future.
Life was dim when Elimelech (“God is my King”) and Naomi (“pleasant one”) left Bethlehem because of a famine. Surely things will be better in Moab, they thought. So off they went with their two sons, Mahlon (“sickly”) and Kilion (“pining”), to live among Israel’s enemies, the Moabites.
Moab was a strange place to find a better life. People who had long opposed Jehovah in favor of other gods populated the land. Moabites were notorious for their pagan rituals, including child sacrifice. It was hardly the place to start over.
When Everything Goes Wrong
While they were in Moab, Elimelech died. Eventually Mahlon and Kilion married Moabite girls named Ruth and Orpah. They seemed happy at first, but both of the boys soon died as well. In just ten short years, Naomi lost her husband and both of her sons.
The book of Ruth is written like a four-act play. As the curtain goes up on scene one, we see three widows crying together in the fields of Moab. Broken and destitute, Naomi announced to them that she was returning home to Bethlehem.
“Go back, each of you, to your mother’s home,” she suggested to her daughters-in-law. “May the Lord show kindness to you. … May the Lord grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband” (Ruth 1:8, 9).
Life was hard for widows in those days. They had no security, no income, and no means of working. Survival was all they could hope for. There were no welfare programs for the poor. Their only real hope was that their relatives would take them back.
Naomi’s suggestion seemed reasonable to Orpah. So she kissed Naomi good-bye and returned to her family. But Ruth refused to leave. She clung to Naomi’s skirts.
“Your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods,” Naomi said. “Go back with her” (Ruth 1:15).
It was a desperate appeal by a desperate woman. Naomi realized what awaited them in Bethlehem: rejection, ridicule, and scorn.
Ruth was determined to go with her. “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you,” she said. “Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me … if anything but death separates you and me” (Ruth 1:16, 17).
What commitment! What an appeal! How could Naomi refuse? Ruth was more committed to her mother-in-law than some husbands and wives are to each other. There was an unbreakable bond between them. Together they headed down the road on their way to an appointment with destiny.
Starting Over
The promise had to be fulfilled, and God specifically chose these two widows to keep it alive. There were no spectacular fireworks, just a daughter-in-law’s love. But that was all God needed. He could take care of the rest. The Promisor would sustain the promise.
When they arrived in Bethlehem, the whole town came out to meet them. It was quite a spectacle—a Jewish woman with a Moabite daughter-in-law. Racial prejudice isn’t anything new. It’s been around a long time.
“Can this be Naomi?” It wasn’t easy hiding your age in those days. Time had left its mark on her—wrinkles, gray hair, and all the rest.
“Don’t call me Naomi [‘Pleasant’],” she lamented. “Call me Mara [‘bitter’].” … The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me” (Ruth 1:20, 21).
Naomi’s new name indicates that she was a broken woman. She surely would have known the Lord’s instructions to His people about not forsaking their inheritance. They were supposed to keep their land in the family as a gift from God. But she and Elimelech had done otherwise. They had sought their fortune in Moab and lost everything.
Like many husbands, Elimelech probably suggested that they could do better elsewhere. So they forsook the security of family and friends and struck out on their own. It is obvious from the scant information we have that things did not go well for them. Tragedy strikes only three verses into the first chapter. Before long, Naomi had no male protection for herself or the girls. At least in Bethlehem, our relatives might take pity on us, she probably thought.
Ruth and Naomi arrived in Bethlehem during the barley harvest and found a relative’s house to lodge in. It wasn’t much, but it was still a new beginning. It was at least a chance to catch their breath and to start over again.
Times Have Changed
There are two concepts that make up the book of Ruth. The first is theological. It is the concept of the kinsman-redeemer. The kinsman-redeemer was a relative who could potentially redeem you with money from three basic conditions:
1. slavery: give you your freedom;
2. widowhood: marry you as his wife;
3. orphanhood: adopt you as his child.
The second concept is social. It is the practice of levirate marriage (cf. Deuteronomy 25:5). Levirate marriage was permission for a widow to marry her deceased husband’s closest available brother or cousin. This was done to preserve the seed of the deceased. It provided a way for his line of descent to continue. It also provided security for the younger widows who could not fully support themselves.
Both concepts, the kinsman-redeemer and levirate marriage, are key to understanding the book of Ruth. As a widow, Ruth desperately needed to find a relative of her husband who would marry her and redeem her from widowhood. However, since she was a Moabite, her chances of acceptance by an Israelite were slim.
The harvest was in full production. There was plenty of grain in Bethlehem (“house of bread”). So Ruth volunteered to go gleaning in the fields. The gleaners followed the reapers, who actually harvested the crops. Since harvesting was done by hand, a few scraps of grain naturally fell to the ground. That’s where the gleaners came in: They picked up the scraps.
Gleaning was, in a sense, Israel’s welfare program. Poor people were allowed to glean the leftover scraps of grain from the fields. But they had to work hard in order to eat. At the day’s end, a gleaner might have only a handful of grain.
So Ruth picked a field to glean and began following the reapers. By chance, she chose a field that belonged to Boaz, a wealthy man from Bethlehem. She didn’t know who he was or even where she was. She simply worked alongside the other girls throughout the morning.
A Date with Destiny
As the day wore on, Boaz came out from Bethlehem to inspect the harvest. “The Lord be with you!” he called to the harvesters.
“The Lord bless you!” they shouted back.
Then he saw her—the Moabite girl gleaning in his field. If there was ever a story of love at first sight, this would be it.
“Whose young woman is that?” he asked the foreman.
“She is the Moabitess who came back from Moab with Naomi,” the foreman said. He went on to explain why he had let her out there, but there was no need for that. Boaz was already interested.
His heart pounding within him, he hurried over to meet the girl. “Listen to me,” he said. “Don’t go and glean in another field. … Stay here with my servant girls. Watch the field where the men are harvesting, and follow along after the girls. I have told the men not to touch you” (Ruth 2:8, 9).
Ruth was overwhelmed by his generosity. She bowed her face to the ground and asked, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” (Ruth 2:10).
He explained to her that he had heard how she had come to Bethlehem with her mother-in-law, and what a blessing she had been to her. He also mentioned that he had heard how she had come to believe in the Lord and now sought refuge among His people.
Overcoming the Barriers
Here we see a Jewish man and a Gentile girl conversing in the fields of Bethlehem. Both are reaching beyond the social, religious, and cultural barriers that should have separated them. Nevertheless, Boaz showed grace to Ruth, and her heart was moved. She probably blushed as she spoke to him. He was famous in Bethlehem. He was one of the city’s most outstanding men. And he was single!
“May the Lord repay you for what you have done,” Boaz said.
“May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” Ruth said.
It was the beginning of an incredible romance. Love at first sight—it can happen, you know. At least, it did for them.
When Ruth returned to glean, Boaz instructed the foreman to let her glean even among the sheaves (standing grain). In fact, he suggested they drop some handfuls of grain on purpose for her to glean. Now that was true love—handfuls on purpose! She gathered a bushel basket full on the first day. She had so much that she could hardly carry it home.
Naomi couldn’t believe her eyes. It was enough grain for a month! “Where did you glean today?” she asked.
“The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,” Ruth said.
This time Naomi couldn’t believe her ears. “The Lord bless him!” she shouted. “That man is our close relative; he is one of our kinsman-redeemers” (Ruth 2:20).
Naomi knew what this could mean, even though Ruth didn’t. It was too good to be true. The finest and wealthiest man in all Bethlehem had taken notice of the Gentile girl. Could it be that he might be interested in redeeming her?
Some Things Never Change
Ruth would continue to glean in Boaz’s fields until the harvest was over. As the weeks passed, she and Naomi began to wonder if he would ever make a move to show his interest toward her. When Boaz didn’t make a move, Naomi decided Ruth should make one. She advised Ruth to go to him and propose marriage.
“Is that really in the Bible?” a single woman once asked me.
“It sure is!” I replied. “Read Ruth chapter 3. It worked for her.”
Naomi realized time was running out. The harvest would soon be over. The time for action was now.
“Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor,” Naomi said.
When the harvest was nearly over, the landowner would come to oversee the winnowing process. That’s when they threw the grain up into the wind to blow off the chaff. It was a long, slow process done with a scoop shovel. Naomi knew that Boaz would be exhausted by the end of the day. It was the perfect time to make their move!
“Wash and perfume yourself,” the Jewish mother told her Moabite daughter-in-law. “And put on your best clothes” (Ruth 3:3).
Some strategies never change! Old Naomi knew that Ruth would make a better impression all fixed up. There is nothing like your best dress and some perfume to knock him senseless.
And Boaz was probably exhausted from the day’s labors. He had little energy to resist—even if he had wanted to.
“When he lies down … go and uncover his feet and lie down,” Naomi instructed Ruth. “He will tell you what to do” (Ruth 3:4).
It seems like a strange maneuver to us today, but it made perfect sense in their culture. The act of uncovering his feet was a deliberate proposal of marriage.
When Boaz awoke, startled to find a woman lying at his feet, Ruth said, “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer” (Ruth 3:9).
She Proposes to Him
She was asking him to take her unto himself so that she might come under his protection. She appealed to him as her kinsman-redeemer (Hebrew, goel). Only a free man who was a close relative of her deceased husband could become her redeemer. He had to be:
1. free,
2. single,
3. kinsman,
4. able to pay the price of redemption,
5. willing to pay the price of redemption.
Boaz met all of these conditions, despite being somewhat older than Ruth. And he reassured her that he was willing to accept her proposal.
“The Lord bless you, my daughter,” he said reassuringly. “Don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. … You are a woman of noble character” (Ruth 3:10, 11).
It was quite a testimony to her virtue, dignity, and character. He was impressed with her devotion to Naomi. He was also impressed that she preferred him over the younger men.
However, there was one problem with the whole arrangement.
“Although it is true that I am near of kin,” Boaz said to Ruth, “there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I” (Ruth 3:12).
Someone else! She couldn’t bear the thought. But Boaz assured her he would try to work it out. He explained that he would have to meet with the other kinsman the next morning to clarify his right to redeem her.
“If he wants to redeem [you], good, let him redeem,” Boaz added. “But if he is not willing, I vow that, as surely as the Lord lives, I will do it” (Ruth 3:13).
Ruth could hardly contain herself when she returned home to Naomi. Boaz’s words kept ringing in her ears. She wanted him, not the other one. He was the love of her soul. He was the one who extended grace and kindness to her, and her heart beat for him. The thought of losing him was more than she could bear.
“Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens,” Naomi said. “For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today” (Ruth 3:18). It was her way of reassuring Ruth that things would work out.
Have I Got a Deal for You
When the sun came up over Bethlehem, Boaz was already positioned at the city gate where all business was transacted in those days. Sooner or later, he knew the other kinsman would arrive. And sure enough, he shortly appeared.
“Come over here, my friend, and sit down,” Boaz said. After a moment of greetings and chitchat, Boaz got right to the point. “Naomi … is selling the piece of land that belonged to our brother Elimelech” (Ruth 4:3).
In ancient Israel, land could only be sold to relatives within one’s family. All land was viewed as a gift from God, or the “inheritance of the Lord.” It could not be sold to strangers. Assuming the kinsman might want the land, Boaz informs him of his right to redeem it.
“I will redeem it,” the kinsman announced.
Only then did Boaz explain that he would also have to redeem Ruth, the Moabitess. “On the day you buy the land from Naomi and from Ruth the Moabitess, you acquire the dead man’s widow, in order to maintain the name of the dead with his property” (Ruth 4:5).
The kinsman refused. He was willing to take the property but not the girl. “I cannot redeem it because I might endanger my own estate,” he said to Boaz. “You redeem it yourself. I cannot do it” (Ruth 4:6).
By saying this, the first kinsman passed the right of redemption to Boaz. He was able to pay the price of redemption, but he was unwilling because of his previous commitment. He may well have been engaged to be married to someone else.
“Today you are witnesses,” Boaz told the city elders who had gathered with them in the gate. “I have also acquired Ruth the Moabitess, Mahlon’s widow, as my wife” (Ruth 4:9, 10).
Then they exchanged sandals on the matter—another strange custom. It meant you were giving your word to keep the bargain. If you failed, the other man would wave your sandal in your face, reminding you that you could no longer walk among the people with honesty and integrity. It was like a receipt or bill of sale.
“We are witnesses,” affirmed the city elders. “May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the house of Israel” (Ruth 4:11).
They were referring to Jacob’s wives, the mothers of the patriarchs. An interesting side note is the fact that Rachel had died centuries earlier right there in Bethlehem. And now Bethlehem’s town fathers were blessing Boaz, one of Leah’s descendants through the tribe of Judah.
Building a successful marriage is a lifetime commitment. It takes time, patience, energy, and determination. The marks of an effective marriage include
1. lifelong commitment,
2. continual effort,
3. willingness to understand,
4. developing a helpful attitude,
5. consideration for your partner,
6. spiritual growth and maturity,
7. becoming genuinely unselfish,
8. personal accountability and reliability,
9. honest communication,
10. genuine, Spirit-filled love.
Reaching out to each other says, “I care about you, I need you, and I want you.” Every marriage needs that kind of effort if both partners want to know true fulfillment.
His Fame Is Our Fortune
Boaz and Ruth were setting out on one of the great adventures of life—building a family. Their love for each other initiated a marriage. But their commitment to each other initiated a family. Their family changed the course of history.
“May you have standing in Ephratah and be famous in Bethlehem,” the elders shouted to Boaz. And indeed, he was! The redeemer had paid the price of redemption. The promise was secure. The line of the Messiah would be preserved.
Boaz, the wealthy Jew from Bethlehem, married Ruth, the Gentile widow from Moab. It was a wonderful marriage. Soon they were blessed with a child, whose name was Obed. Then the townswomen gathered around and said, “Praise be to the Lord, who this day has not left you without a kinsman-redeemer. May he become famous throughout Israel!” (Ruth 4:14).
One cannot read this powerful love story without making an obvious comparison. Bethlehem was the same little town that would give birth to another famous inhabitant: the Lord Jesus. Like Boaz, he too would become a Kinsman-Redeemer. Free from the enslavement of sin, able and willing to pay the price of redemption with His own blood, He would redeem us from spiritual slavery and set us free from orphanhood and adopt us as His children, and free us from widowhood, making us His bride.
The Kinsman-Redeemer, wealthy with righteousness, would pay the price of our redemption. He would redeem a Gentile bride and make her His own. Born Himself of a virgin in Bethlehem, of the tribe of Judah and the seed of David, He is the Messiah—the ultimate fulfillment of the promise. And we are his undeserving bride who can only fall on our faces and ask, “Why have I found grace in your sight?”
Jesus, the Savior, came forth from Bethlehem to find us slaving over the scraps in the field of life. And He loved us in spite of our pitiful situation. He set his heart on us and promised, “I will marry you and redeem you.” It is the pledge of the ultimate Redeemer to you and me personally. He loves you, and He wants to spend eternity with you.
We are the objects of His amazing grace. He has called us unto Himself and loved us with an everlasting love. What love! What hope! What security!
