VISUAL COMMUNICATION

Page 135 Use verbs to present the information more forcefully.

Weak: We will perform an investigation of the problem. Better: We will investigate the problem. Weak: Selection of a program should be based on the client’s needs. Better: Select the program that best fits the client’s needs. 5. Eliminate wordiness. Writing is wordy if the same idea can be expressed in fewer words. Unnecessary words increase writing time, bore your reader, and make your meaning more difficult to follow, since the reader must hold all the extra words in mind while trying to understand your meaning. Good writing is concise, but it may still be lengthy. Concise writing may be long because it is packed with ideas. In Chapter 3 , we saw that revisions to create you-attitude and positive emphasis and to develop benefits were frequently longer than the originals because the revision added information not given in the original. Sometimes you may be able to look at a draft and see immediately how to condense it. When the solution isn’t obvious, try the following strategies to condense your writing:

a. Eliminate words that add nothing. b. Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words. c. Put the meaning of your sentence into the subject and verb to cut the number of words.

You eliminate unnecessary words to save the reader’s time, not simply to see how few words you can use. You aren’t writing a telegram, so keep the little words that make sentences complete. (Incomplete sentences are fine in lists where all the items are incomplete.) Internet Influence on Conciseness The Internet has changed the way we read. Author Christopher Johnson says the “sad irony is that we often waste our time clicking around because we don’t want to waste our attention. We don’t always give it willingly, but it can be captured.” That capturing is done through “microstyle,” concise messages that are short, to the point, and attention-grabbing. Johnson reminds us that in these micro-messages word choice is incredibly important, in anything from slogans, like Target’s “Expect more, pay less,” to new compound words like YouTube . Johnson advises writers that to make a small message a success, it should display careful word choice or humor.

Adapted from Daniel Akst, “The Soul of Brevity,” Wall Street Journal , August 6–7, 2011, C10. The following examples show how to use these methods. a. Eliminate words that add nothing. Cut words if the idea is already clear from other words in the sentence. Substitute single words for wordy phrases. PRINTED BY: SHERIFAT EGBERONGBE . Printing is for personal, private use only. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted without publisher's prior permission. Violators will be prosecuted. Page 136 Wordy: The reason we want to see changing our hardware manager to Hanson’s is because Hanson’s is able to collect hardware from a larger number of vendors than our current supplier. Better: We recommend changing our hardware manager to Hanson’s for their larger number of vendors. Phrases beginning with of, which , and that can often be shortened. Wordy: the question of most importance Better: the most important question Wordy: the estimate which is enclosed Better: the enclosed estimate Wordy: We need to act on the suggestions that our customers offer us. Better: We need to act on customer suggestions. Sentences beginning with There are or It is can often be tighter. Wordy: There are three reasons for the success of the project. Tighter: Three reasons explain the project’s success. Wordy: It is the case that college graduates earn more money. Tighter: College graduates earn more money. Check your draft. If you find these phrases, or any of the unnecessary words shown in Figure 5.4 , eliminate them. b. Combine sentences to eliminate unnecessary words. In addition to saving words, combining sentences focuses the reader’s attention on key points, makes your writing sound more sophisticated, and sharpens the relationship between ideas, thus making your writing more coherent.

Wordy: I conducted this survey by telephone on Sunday, April 21. I questioned two groups of upperclass students—male and female—who, according to the Student Directory, were still living in the dorms. The purpose of this survey was to find out why some upperclass students continue to live in the dorms even though they are no longer required by the University to do so. I also wanted to find out if there were any differences between male and female upperclass students in their reasons for choosing to remain in the dorms. Tighter: On Sunday, April 21, I phoned upperclass men and women living in the dorms to find out (1) why they continue to live in the dorms even though they are no longer required to do so, and (2) whether men and women gave the same reasons. c. Put the meaning of your sentence into the subject and verb to cut the number of words.

Put the core of your meaning into the subject and verb of your main clause.

Wordy: The reason we are recommending the computerization of this process is because it will reduce the time required to obtain data and will give us more accurate data. Better: Computerizing the process will give us more accurate data more quickly. Wordy: The purpose of this letter is to indicate that if we are unable to mutually benefit from our PRINTED BY: SHERIFAT EGBERONGBE . Printing is for personal, private use only. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted without publisher's prior permission. Violators will be prosecuted. Meaningless Sentences Editor Bill Walsh of the Washington Post gives these examples of meaningless sentences. A donation of your car, truck or boat is tax-deductible to the maximum extent of the law . In other words, you’re allowed to deduct it as much as you’re allowed to deduct it. Good news: Your toenail clippings are also deductible to the maximum extent of the law. You can use this scholarship at any participating school in the world . I have no doubt that this is true. But it raises one major question. . . . Area schools will be back in session Monday, disappointing thousands of children who would rather stay home and watch John Wayne movies . No, they wouldn’t. (How old are you, anyway?) Quoted from Bill Walsh, The Elephants of Style: A Trunkload of Tips on the Big Issues and Gray Areas of Contemporary American English (New York: McGraw-Hill, 2004), 140, 149. Figure 5.4 Words to Cut PRINTED BY: SHERIFAT EGBERONGBE . Printing is for personal, private use only. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted without publisher's prior permission. Violators will be prosecuted.