1. Apply the steps to minimizing debilitating emotions in ONE of the following scenarios. 1) Describe what you could do in each step, including identifying and disputing the irrational fallacies. 2)

1. Apply the steps to minimizing debilitating emotions in ONE of the following scenarios. 1) Describe what you could do in each step, including identifying and disputing the irrational fallacies. 2) Discuss what you believe might be the personal and relational outcomes when managed this way.

Scenario 1: You are working on an important paper for school when your roommate trips on your computer cord and shuts down the machine before you could save it. You think to yourself, “Arrgh! Why did she have to do that! Could she see I was working?! She should look where she’s going, and she shouldn’t even come near me when I’m working anyway!” You begin to turn red, feel really angry, yell and blame her for ruining your semester.

Scenario 2: You are consumed with anger toward your boss (whom you’ve worked with for two years). He is indecisive. He avoids tasks that demand a lot of effort. He is slow in getting you information you need to complete your work. You believe he shouldn’t be such a lazy slob, and that he should realize how ineffective he is and do something about it! You get angry with yourself because you can’t seem to stop being angry with him. You bring your anger home with you and yell at your spouse and children. 

Your Answer:

I chose the first scenario

Steps to minimizing debilitative emotions

1. Monitor Your Emotional Reactions: to notice when I am having the debilitative feelings. When the emotions are changing, we should discover them calmly using the knowledge that we have learned, whether it is happy or sad. This is the basic judgment on our own emotions. If we cannot recognize it, it will over-control us, and we may do something that we would regret later on. I have a little hint to help us keep calm when something is happening – to bite the inside of our lower lip until we feel pain. This has helped me to calm down. And also, we should accept the emotions that we have. Nowadays, many people don’t want to admit those emotions based on the subjective reasons, but this would just make the problem become worse. We should not be the enemy of ourselves. Instead, admit it when the emotion comes out of your body. We can have the possibility of the breakthrough by only accepting yourself first.

2. Note the Activating Event: people who always stay in the same environment can have debilitative emotions easily. Going out does not mean that you have to party all the time. you can find a suitable group of individuals that you can have similarity in between which this helps you to break the ice easier.

3. Record your Self-Talk: after you start going out with different people and noticing your emotions, you should be able to identify your real ideas in a better way, and you could analyze your thoughts linking out with the feelings that you have, but not letting them overtake the control to your reaction.

4. Reappraise Your Irrational Beliefs: after all, you have already improved the skill of managing your emotions. And now, you should modify the irrational emotions by discovering the moments that you could be into the debilitative emotions.

I have found four different irrational fallacies during the scenario 1.

1. Fallacy of helplessness: “You think to yourself, “Arrgh! Why did she have to do that! Could she see I was working?!” in this part, because I did not have a backup copy of the paper, I instead of taking the responsibility of not saving it on time blamed roommate for shutting down the machine. I am not satisfied with the accident, so when things went out of my control, I just took it as a reason even if unreasonable. What can have done for this part is that judgment oneself before blaming others because there are accidents happening all the time. If you did not know or have time to prevent it, it is your problem. You should be aware of that; however, calm down first and recognize the emotions that you have before you go too far.

2. Fallacy of shoulds: “She should look where she’s going, and she shouldn’t even come near me when I’m working anyway!” The inability to distinguish between what is and what should be can maximize the debilitative emotions. Complaints cannot help when a problem has happened. Trying to change the way you work is a good idea, so you could avoid the unreasonable insisting. Plus, you could minimize the debilitative emotions. “I wish she has looked where she is going, and she did not come near me”. This is the phrase that is in a positive way.

3. Fallacy of catastrophic expectation: “You begin to turn red, feel really angry, yell and blame her for ruining your semester.” just because one thing goes wrong, you think about the big and bad consequence related to this. It is a common debilitative emotion. The fear leads you to be afraid of the future. Things are not always that bad as what you think, you should think a more positive way. Actually, when you are thinking that you cannot do something, the self-fulfilling prophecy begins to work. You should understand whether your thought is rational or irrational in order to identify the debilitative emotions. Thinking rationally can help to reduce many debilitative emotions.

 I believe that when we manage our emotions in this way, the personal and rational outcomes can go in the better direction since we follow the steps to minimize the debilitative emotions. We are thinking more rational, and the reaction that we have related to the events could have a better influence even though we are still mad or angry at some point, but by reducing the negative emotions, we are also increasing the facilitative emotions which give us more positive energy to think about the problems.

2. Using the following problem, 1) apply the Pillow Method to view the issue. 2) Identify each position and explain each position clearly in relation to the scenario. 3) Explain how an expanded view of the situation might affect the communication in this relationship.

Problem: You and a friend have talked about taking a trip to Europe after college graduation. While planning the trip during your last year, you discover that your friend is insisting on taking an organized tour while you have always dreamed of backpacking through Europe and staying at hostels.

Your Answer:

I’m right, you are wrong: joining a tour is very inconvenient since the schedule is set by them; not all the places they go are the ones we want to go, and we need to pay the additional fees to them in order to guide us. Our trip should be free and based on our interest.

You’re right, I’m wrong:  my friend thinks in a more secure way. If we take an organized tour, we won’t be afraid about the security during the trip. And we will be able to visit more places using the same amount of time.

Both right, both wrong: traveling on our own can make the trip more interesting and discover the world by ourselves, but we may not see as many places as taking a tour, we need to deal with our safety. On the other hand, taking an organized tour can save a lot of time and visit more places, with the only disadvantage of spending more money, rush schedule and may not be satisfied as the other way.

The Issue isn’t as important as it seems: the discussion is for the benefit of the both sides. We all want the trip to be happy. As long as each of us holds our own opinions, there will be no results. In here, the best thing to do is that each of us takes a step back and find the best plan for both of us. 

There is Truth in All Four Perspectives: that arguing will not help to solve the problem using the different points of view that each one has. It needs to balance the two opinions that we have and find the best result. Having a happy trip is the most important. 

In this relationship, an expanded view of the situation might affect the communication into a better understanding between the communicators. In fact, every position has their own good side, but they only think in one way. Expanding the situation gives them a chance to have a full vision of the problem, and this is empathy that everyone should have. We shouldn’t be insisting on one tiny thought and ignoring the view of others. This is an unwise practice. Doing this only will make the relationship very tight and having arguments. And it directly causes a gap between the relationship. However, having an expanded view can avoid this problem of happening, and the final decision would be more suitable for each one of the participants.