After reading the SENSE4US document provided, what are your thoughts?  Please  incorporate the answers to the following questions in your paper.  Is this a tool that would be difficult or easy to use?

Brenda Traylor

DB Forum 2 - Thread

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Discussion Board Forum 2

Rapport and Relational Alignment

• As an ‘S/C’ personality type, the ‘C’ part of me can have some problems with ‘charged’ words (Professional/Leadership 2008, 11; Carbonell 2008, 233).  As an ‘S’ type, Brodie is more shy, quiet and reserved (Carbonell 2008, 125).  However, Brodie has been harboring some resentment with an unforgiving spirit due to his mother and sister’s death and even gets into a fight at school (“Crossroads” 2007, 1:02:37).  As Mels Carbonell stated, even ‘S’ personalities can be explosive if someone messes with their family (Carbonell 2008, 234).  Therefore, I need to think carefully of my responses to Brodie that they are ‘healing’ words to help him think accurately according to God’s truth, and so that his emotions do not intensify during a counseling session (ibid., 233-34; Nichols 2017, 70).

• Also, as an ‘S/C’ personality, I tend to be a perfectionist (Professional/Leadership 2008, 11), but I will need to be careful not to put that high expectation upon Brodie (see, Phil 4:5, KJV).  I will need to manage my relational style to match where Brodie’s spiritual maturity is, and empathize with him, but at the same time be thinking of the next step in Brodie’s life so he can move forward toward God’s plan for him (“Checking My BP” 2019, Slide 4).   

Phase Two Distinctive Features

• Purpose:  In Phase Two, our purpose is for Brodie to gain insight that his unforgiving spirit and his thoughts of that it would be better if he were dead are not part of God’s plan for his life (Nichols 2017, 45; “SbStPC” 2019, 4 ). 

• • Make Brodie aware that forgiving Justin will relieve him of his secondary anger that he is presently experiencing (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 39, 124).

  • Counsel Brodie that the unforgiving spirit is hurting him; he has developed secondary anger due to his loss (ibid.).  The anger has already manifest itself at school and outside the courthouse after Justin’s arraignment (“Crossroads” 2007, 50:52; 1:02:37).

  • Forgiving Justin makes it possible for him to walk with God in light (Eph 5:1-2, KJV; Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 124).

  • Forgiving is a command of God (Matt 18:21-35, KJV; Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 124).

• Goal:  Our goal for Brodie is to develop concise steps that will help him truly forgive Justin.

• • Tell me about your hurt. 

  • Put yourself in Justin’s shoes.

  • Give Justin a magnanimous forgiving gift.

  • Tell others that you have forgiven Justin. 

  • When doubts arise, remember that you forgave Justin in the name of Jesus (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 126-27).

• Chief Aim:  Under this goal, the counselor will aim to collaborate well with his care seeker (“SbStPC” 2019, 4).  Therefore, my interactions with Brodie need to honor Jesus Christ, more specifically, I must empathize with his story and practice patience with any display of anger that he might exhibit (“Analysis Grid” 2019, Slide 1).  The counselor’s purpose in demonstrating proactive love is to create a healthful relationship wherein Brodie feels that he can be honest in telling his problems (ibid.).  With that basis, he can recognize and define his goals to make them workable and attainable (ibid.; Petersen 2015, 22-23). 

• Role/Responsibility:  Brodie needs to be moved from being an attender in the counseling process to the behavioral position of being a willing player in the counseling process (Kollar 2011, 80-81). 

• • To move Brodie out of the attending behavioral position, I asked him what his life would be like if he forgave Justin (Kollar 2011, 107).  Brodie conceded that his anger would dissipate, that he would be happier, and that he could have a better relationship with God (see, Rom 8:28, KJV).  

  • I then prodded Brodie to tell me what he would be doing differently if he forgave Justin (Kollar 2011, 107).  He responded that he would not be fighting, that perhaps he would see more eye-to-eye with his father, and that he might have a better attitude toward life (Rice 2019, 11).  I emphasized that Brodie needed to act like he has already forgiven Justin and to ask the Lord to help him truly forgive Justin (see, Mark 9:25, KJV; Kollar 2011, 108). 

  • I asked Brodie if he would like to step into this new picture of himself and asked him if I could pray for him (SnapShot: Week 2 2019, Slide 2)?  Brodie affirmed that he would like to do both.

    • Prayer:  Lord, Brodie has a lot of pain due to Justin’s actions.  Help Brodie to truly forgive Justin.  Help him see the new possibilities of life without unforgiveness and anger.  In Jesus name, Amen (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 129).

    • Brodie’s response:  Yes, please help me Jesus!

  •  Brodie’s next question to me was, “So, what is next” (Kollar 2011, 101)?  “I want to be free from this unforgiving spirit and its subsequent anger,” was his next statement.  Furthermore, he stated, “I want a communicative and supportive relationship with my father” (Rice 2019, 11).

• Guiding Assumptions:

• • Clearly, God is at work in Brodie’s life (Kollar 2011, 85).

  • Brodie is in the state of change (ibid.). 

  • By coming alongside Brodie and giving him clear teaching from God’s word and by relying on the Holy Spirit in prayer, one who has no goals can be brought into a willing position to cooperate with small goals by the power of God at work in that one (Kollar 2011, 86; Hawkins 2019, Slide 2).

Supportive Feedback Break

• Brodie, it is normal to have hurt and anger as a response to Justin’s offense (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 125; Kollar 2011, 191).

• To act out one’s hurt and anger is a problem; however Brodie, this problem is solvable (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 40; Kollar 2011, 191).

• Brodie, I am encouraged that you returned for this second session and asked for help for your next step in forgiving Justin (Kollar 2011, 191).

• I do have a suggestion for your next step (ibid.). 

• With your persistent attitude and your desire to forgive Justin, write a letter to Justin explaining your hurt and anger, your loss of supportive family relationships, and the further breakdown of family cohesiveness as a result of Justin’s decision to race his car the day of the accident (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 126-27; Kollar 2011, 191; Rice 2019, 11).  Also, in your letter, write that you forgive Justin for his action; then, sign and date the letter (Clinton & Hawkins 2009, 127).  Do not mail this letter; it is meant as a healing tool (ibid.).  In a separate spiritual journal, write down the offenses that you feel Justin has committed against you; then, with a red ink pen diagonally print across the list of offences the word, ‘Cancelled’ (ibid.). 

Phase Two Marker

• Brodie must be in a willing position before he progresses into Phase Three (SnapShot: Week 5 2019, Slide 2). 

• As Brodie prayed a prayer for help in forgiving Justin and asked me to collaborate with him in formulating the next step in forgiving Justin, Brodie is no longer in the attending position (Kollar 2011, 81).  He is now exhibiting a willing position in that he has stated his goals toward growth, and that he wants to collaborate with the counselor to achieve solutions for his problem (ibid., 80-81; Nichols, 68). 

• Brodie has expressed two goals, that is, to forgive Justin and to improve his relationship with his father.

Food for Thought

• When practicing any new skill, the new skill seems awkward at first, as the skill is not part one’s normal self (Petersen 2015, 11).  However, practicing the skill will put the person more at ease with the engagement thereof (ibid.). 

• An example in the communication skill set is to acknowledge what a speaker is saying by repeating back to the speaker in his own words what feelings he might be expressing (ibid., 10).  In doing so, the listener acknowledges the legitimacy of owning a feeling and of verbally expressing that feeling (ibid.).   For instance, Brodie states that he is angry at Justin.  In reply, I acknowledge Brodie’s anger by saying, “Oh, so you have anger toward Justin” (ibid.).  Repeatedly practicing this technique in a talker/listener context helps build empathy in the listener and makes the technique a normal practice of the listener’s skill set (ibid., 22-23, 249). 

Bibliography

“Analysis Grid for Guiding Biblical Counseling and Spiritual Formation.” Presentation. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Online, PACO500, Week 4, 2019. Accessed September 18, 2019. https://learn.liberty.edu/bbcswebdav/pid-42132212-dt-message-rid-400302746_1/xid-400302746_1.

Carbonell, Mels. How to Solve the People Puzzle: Understanding Personality Patterns. Blue Ridge, GA: Uniquely You Resources, 2008. Accessed September 14, 2019. www.uniquelyyou.org.

“Checking My BP with the DISC: Describing, Developing, and Managing My Relational Style.” Presentation. Lynchburg, VA: Liberty University Online, PACO500, Week 3, 2019. Accessed September 18, 2019. https://learn.liberty.edu/bbcswebdav/pid-42132212-dt-message-rid-400302550_1/xid-400302550_1.

“Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness.” Directed by John Kent Harrison. Posted November 27, 2016. Hallmark Hall of Fame, 2007. Accessed August 21, 2019. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alZLXVLWe.G0.

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