Requirements： https://writ1122online.wordpress.com/portfolio/ Readings that will be used： https://writ1122online.wordpress.com/syllabus/ Sample： https://adnaswriting.wordpress.com/2018/03/12/portfolio

WP#1 and WP#2 Feedback

WP#1

Zero tolerance laws haven’t been very effective in reducing school violence, so your claim is a strength. Along these lines, your use of scholarly sources works well as evidence, particularly when you bring in outside sources (beyond the course readings) and then connect them to Wike and Fraser and also the Staples reading. I also appreciate the way you shift in the second half of the paper to some possible solutions, looking beyond just pointing out the shortcomings of zero tolerance policies. You have a good start with the refutation and you’re very close with the MLA in-text citations and the Works Cited. These elements work together to build your ethos. Keep doing these things in your writing. If you revise for the portfolio, work on a few things, mostly related to developing your evidence. 1) Sometimes you get in a bit of a hurry and rush through your point, particularly when you’re summarizing your research. How can you slow down and more fully explain the key ideas in your sources, and then connect them to your larger argument? See for example, your use of Wike and Fraser on p. 2. Take another look at the Working with Sources handout. 2) Similarly, how can you make it clear to the reader when you’re using Harris’ journal? You rely on his journal, but be sure to explain why you’re using it and where those quotes come from. 3) See my comment about bringing in some evidence in your refutation. 4) Revise the title for precision and then take another look at the MLA citations Works Cited. See the Purdue OWL for more. You have a very good start here, and with revision, you’ll have a strong portfolio submission here. Build on the strengths as you move forward into WP2 and WP3. Thanks.

WP#2

You’ve chosen an important issue, palliative care, so your topic is a major strength. And when coupled with present concerns over health and dying because of the coronavirus, the issue has that much more exigence. Your evidence adds helpful background information – particularly the Emory data - and you use that data to drive your argument. I also appreciate your efforts to embrace the op-ed genre, including the use of the accessible diction and the urgency in your concluion. Your visuals work well as evidence, too, particularly the table with the costs laid out. And your argument has a good foundation thanks to your point that everyone deserves quality health care, and not just the wealthy. If you revise for the portfolio, work on a few things, mostly related to genre awareness: 1) How can you weave in some kairos to better hook the reader? Can you connect this issue to the current coronavirus or our ongoing concerns about health care? 2) Watch out for the longer, academic style paragraphs. ow can you control the pace of the prose more fully by varying your paragraph lengths, including some very short ones (a la Marcus) for emphasis? I’ve marked an example but there’s room for more. 3) How can you make the prose more informal, to fit the op-ed genre? For example, palliative care is a technical term. How can you define it briefly, and then make the op-ed’s tone less formal? With revision, you’ll have a strong portfolio submission.