Proposal CritiqueOverviewIn this assignment, you will be rewriting and critiquing the proposal provided in the document, A Proposal Template [DOCX] attached. There are at least six improvements to be

Office Improvement proposal A Proposal

To: Mason Office Center Suite Manager

From: Planting Proprietor, Green Thumb Planting

Date: 15 March, 2010

Subject: Proposal for Plant Service

Mason Office Center is a lovely Georgian building housing four offices. However, the interior is not attractive or inviting for clients/customers and employees. The off-white walls throughout the complex seem dull and boring, adjectives the tenants do not want associated with their businesses. In addition, the air in the building is musty and unpleasant at times.

Solution

Green Thumb Planting can provide and maintain a beautiful plantscape in the building that will attract visitors and employees as well as purify the air and introduce more oxygen. Research shows that people respond positively to interiors with at least two plants per room. These changes can be made in an unobtrusive, cost-effective manner.

Installing plantings in Mason Office Center will give visitors and employees a more appealing and cleaner environment, producing positive feelings and greater productivity.

I have been in the interior plant maintenance business for 32 years, and I am qualified since I have a Degree in Landscape design. I have owned and operated Green Thumb Planting for the last seven years. All associates with Green Thumb Planting take pride in their work, and Green Thumb is happy to provide references.

Within two weeks of your signing a contract, our design team will interview you and produce a plan showing installation, including the number and types of plants, color and design of containers, and placement. The team will adjust the plan according to your preference.

Furthermore, Green Thumb is concerned about the environment, and thus uses only organic methods. No harmful chemicals are used in its plantscapes.

Based on Green Thumb’s design formula, the building could use 31 large and 14 medium-sized low-light plants. Green Thumb’s service agreement provides plants and pots, weekly maintenance, and monthly replacement of weak plants.

When a plan is agreed upon, Green Thumb will schedule installation within one week. Installation can be accomplished during the evening hours to avoid interrupting tenants’ business activities. All soil and materials will be brought into the building in specially designed trolleys to prevent spillage and damage to floors. I anticipate being able to complete the job in two nights. Once the plantscape is installed, Green Thumb Planting staff will visit Mason Office Center once a week to maintain the plants.

I have a BS degree in landscape design and 32 years of experience in the business. In addition, all personnel have undergone thorough background and criminal checks and are bonded. Your satisfaction with Green Thumb’s plantings and employees are guaranteed.

The installation cost is $1058.00 98023.40, and the monthly maintenance fee is $75.00 per month. You will incur no other charges to have an inviting, attractive, and clean green environment in Mason Office Building.

Installation costs include the following:

31 large 6 braided Ficus trees at $25 each $150.00

6 Chamaedorea palms at $20 120.00

10 herb topiaries at $20 200.00

9 Chinese evergreens at $25 225.00

14 medium

5 moth orchids at $15 $ 75.00 $75.00

9 angel ivy at $15 135.00

SUBTOTAL $98005.00

Tax 8% 782.40

TOTAL $1,058$977.40

For an effortless, inexpensive, attractive, and clean environment at Mason Office Center, accept Green Thumb’s proposal. Please send a memorandum of acceptance to Green Thumb Planting, 101 Sienna Way, Ayden, NC 28513-7101.

Improvements that were made:

The first change I made on this proposal was to improve the topic of the proposal, which did not communicate directly to the audience what the proposal was all about. The spaces on “from,” “to” and “date” were also filled since I saw it as important to indicate the writer of the proposal, to whom it was directed, and when the writing was done. The writer had written the problem and the solution together and yet the two were written in distinct paragraphs. I changed them because each was in a position to stand alone. The background information and the qualifications had similar details, hence the need to combine them. There were several errors on the budget whereby some aspects were left out making the figures erroneous. These changes were made and the budget total recalculated. Finally, I corrected major grammatical errors that were made when the paper was written. These errors sounded like a misinformation and made the proposal incoherent. Overall, I argue the document is stronger and more professional, after these revisions suggested in Track Changes are adjusted.

Possible Solution to Your Turn 15

Proposals

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