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Bad boss? Don't explode Losing your cool never helps, especially in this tight economy. Advice from the experts can help you go beyond coping to actually thriving. KIRK LYTTLE / MCT Photo Related Content Work -at-home mom success stories BY CINDY KRISCHER GO ODMAN CGOODMAN@MIAMIHERALD .COM Did you buy your boss a gift last Friday for National Bosses Day? Does the idea of that repulse you? In this tough economy, more of us are -- at l east for now -- locked into our jobs, for better or worse. And what can be worse that having a bad boss? Our boss is the single greatest determinant of happiness at work and the person who most affects our ability to balance work and life. A bad boss can m ake you sick, and likely you will take frustrations home and anyone living with you will suffer, too. If you haven't heard, the recession has exacerbated the bad boss problem because a drop in head count has thrown underqualified bosses into the job and at the same time more bosses are worried about their futures. Studies show bosses who feel insecure or who are in over their heads are more likely to bully their subordinates. So how do you survive a criticizer, a yeller or power -hungry boss without having a mental breakdown? And how do you speak up to the boss to get the accommodations you need or some of the work taken off your plate at a time when job security is a real concern? Twenty -one -year -old Daniel Jurado of Miami is still an intern at a public rel ations firm, but already he knows a good boss from a bad one. A bad boss, he says, is someone you fear.``There's no room for being creative because you're always scared,'' he says. Conversely, he says, a good boss listens and encourages. ``That person is behind you, pushing you in a good way.'' Most of us don't want our boss' job, and we aren't particularly thrilled with how our superior is navigating bad times. Only 14 percent of workers have more respect for what their boss does every day since the reces sion began, according to a new American Workplace Insights Survey. And more than half don't think their boss is honest with them. To find out how to cope with a bad boss, or improve a relationship in these difficult economic times, I went to the experts. H ere are their suggestions: Confront the situation. Most of us, unsure of the best way to handle a difficult boss and fearful of losing our jobs, avoid contact or stay silent during meetings. Bob Nelson, author and motivational expert, suggests employees do the opposite. Instead of avoiding your boss, ask to meet with him or her and talk about a problem in a positive way to come up with a solution together. ``Don't be a victim, rise above it and get your manager on your side.'' This works, Nelson says, espec ially when the boss feels that coming up with a solution together will be to his or her benefit. Compliment the boss. When your boss is a jerk, the last thing you want to do is praise him or her. But is there anything he or she does worthy of a thank you? ``Find something to acknowledge and recognize your boss for,'' Nelson suggests. Yes, we know that most workers feel our boss should recognize us for what we do, but not all do. ``To improve any relationship, you have to meet halfway by going 90 percent,'' explains Nelson, who wrote Keeping Up in a Down Economy: What the Best Companies Do to Get Results in Tough Times . ``By calling the boss out for something they did right for you, that will register with them.'' Counteract overload. When the head count has been cut and the boss piles work on you, resentment may strain your relationship. Doug Arms, chief talent officer of Ajilon Professional Staffing, suggests that instead of taking on work and complaining to whoever will listen, calmly show the boss what you already are working on now and ask him to tell you what's most important to get done. ``He will not be interested in how the workload is affecting you personally, but what speaks louder is the impact to the quality of work.'' Don't take the bait. Countera ct your desire to cringe, huff or smirk when the boss is condescending or rude. Author Aubrey Daniels says the better approach is no reaction. ``It's likely your reaction is bringing on the behavior and increasing it. Every time you react, it reinforces it ,'' says Daniels, author of OOPS! 13 Management Practices that Waste Time and Money (and what to do instead) . He suggests perfecting a blank stare, devoid of any tense body language. ``Not reacting is doing something. It's decreasing the behavior as it rel ates to you.'' Create your own positive environment. When you can't stop thinking about your boss' mixed messages, micro -managing and condescending tone of voice, refocus. Instead of complaining and make disparaging remarks about the boss, create a positiv e environment by turning to peers for positive reinforcement. ``The more you focus on being positive and helping your peers, the more you offset stress, and the more it can help you deal with a negative boss,'' Daniels says. Get your needs met. We all have our horror stories about the boss who called us while we were in labor or refused to let us leave early to take a sick elderly parent to the doctor. Every year, Working America runs a national competition for America's worst boss -- and it's tough competi tion. But there are ways to get what you want, even in these unstable times. Karen Nussbaum, executive director of Working America, says consider going to the boss as a group with others who want the same accommodation. Also, check to see if the change you are seeking is covered by law or is standard in your industry. ``It's not about catching the boss in the right mood, it's about whether you have the bargaining power.'' Think twice about going above the boss. When interactions between you and the boss are strained and you view your boss with disgust, taking your complaints to the next level is risky, even in good economic times. Experts advise against it unless your boss is doing something illegal or immoral. Send your comments and ideas to Cindy Krischer Goodman at cgoodman @MiamiHerald.com.
