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Assignment 3: Stance Essay

Surviving Your Teenager

Parents are in need of suggestions dealing with teenagers many moods, manners and disciplines. Teenagers have many different life situations that affect their self being. This would include peer pressure, parent pressure and social wellbeing. I believe too many times children, especially teenagers are coddled when they don’t get their way, are not competing financially or materialistically with their friends or are facing high levels of peer pressure.

Peer Pressure

Teens submit to peer pressure almost on a daily basis. Teenagers need help learning to deal with stress and peer pressure. Peer pressure is very daunting during the teenage years. More time is spent with peers; the influence can be greater than other authority figures, such as parents, teachers, and coaches. Teenagers spend more time with friends and other acquaintances during the day than with positive influences. A teens friends directly affect the outlook and values the teen holds, and the decisions they make. “Peer pressure is not always a bad thing” (childdevelopmentinfo.com). We all are influenced by our peers, both negatively and positively. It can help define who a teenager is in many ways.

Sometimes teenagers are so haunted by peer pressure that they will turn to their parents for help. When this happens parents typically have a ready answer of “not my child”. A teen will always blame another child or event stating that they followed their friend or that everyone was doing it. At this point the parent points the finger at that other child, letting their child off with hardly no consequences. This is coddling their children, protecting them from the bad influence by thinking that their child was pressured into doing the act. “When parents confront the adolescent about some mistake or misdeed, they stand ready to listen to their explanation of what occurred and why. They value understanding their version of events, even though attending to it may not change their mind. The teenager knows that whenever parental discipline of the corrective kind is called for, they will get a full and fair hearing so his side of things gets to be told. For example, they listen as he explains: "It was the company and circumstances that caused me to act as I did."(https://childdevelopmentinfo.com)”.

Parents should hold their child accountable. Teens who blame other children for their choices are not taking responsibility and know their parents will side with them. Parents need to take a stand and inform their teen that they know others were involved but because the made a choice to participate they will be held accountable for their actions.

Parent Pressure

Teenagers have a tendency not to want to accept advice. "The primary goal of the teen years is to achieve independence. “To do this, teens must start pulling away from their parents"(Nemours Children’s Health System, 2017) when they do this they don't want to hear what advice parents will give to them. As teens mature, they start to think more rationally, but still at an immature level. They're forming their opinion on what their lives should consist. How they should be living them, what friends they should have, what bedtime, how should they eat, how to act in school, what music they like. Parents giving advice to a teenager is like water flowing over a rock in a stream. Teens who had been willing to please their parents, will suddenly begin asserting themselves and their opinions firmly and rebel against parental control. Pressure from parents is sometimes unbearable. Parents want teens to make sure their grades are high, to get into a good college to outperform other students academically, extra curricularly, and emotionally. All parents like to brag about their children and teens getting into a good college would be at the top of a parents brag list. Teens who are coddled by their parents to get good grades and “make the team”. “The pressure to achieve is partly self-imposed, notes Dr. Coleman, but it comes mostly from Mom and Dad. “Teenage patients of mine will complain, ‘My parents are putting so much pressure on me to get into a good college that I can’t even have fun as a sophomore in high school.’ Parents can get very revved up. I’ve had couples bring in an eight-year-old because she wasn’t doing well in spelling. They wanted to know whether or not she’d be able to get into college, be independent and have a good life. “Some of their concerns are justified,” he continues, “but other times they’re focused too far ahead and not on keeping their youngster’s life balanced now.” ” (Caring for Your Teenager (Copyright © 2003 American Academy of Pediatrics)”.

Social Well Being

"Accepting responsibility is a measure of one's self-worth."(http://www.audreymarlene-lifecoach.com/taking-responsibility.html). Who would you want to be? More of a role model, someone who owns up to their mistakes and takes responsibility or someone who follows the pack? My mother always uses to ask me "are you a leader or a follower?" She said if I was a follower I could follow my friend's right into trouble. Trying to teach and guide teenagers into being a leader is a tough task. Teens are under so much peer pressure and parent pressure that they get confused. Do they please their friends or their parents? Teenagers are trying to prepare themselves for the rest of their lives. School exams, proms, jobs, studying, anywhere they turn the pressure is relentless. A good parent will guide their child from a distance and know when to silently step in to help. “Every child’s social and emotional development is different. Your child’s development is shaped by your child’s unique combination of genes, brain development, environment, experiences with family and friends, and community and culture. Social changes and emotional changes show that your child is forming an independent identity and learning to be an adult”. (Smetana, J.G., Campione-Barr, N., & Metzger, A. (2006).

“Good mental and emotional health is important for teenage wellbeing. For example, teenagers with good mental and emotional health can develop resilience to cope better with difficult situations. If your child develops resilience, she can ‘bounce back’ when things go wrong, which will help her get through life’s ups and downs and boost her wellbeing”. (Kern, M.L., Waters, L.E., Adler, A., & White, M.A. (2015). This statement shows that teens who are coddled by their parents in regards to social wellbeing will never learn what it means to stand on their own.

The teenage years is the test of early adulthood. It’s basically a dry run to see how well your child will handle adulthood. A parents coddling of their children will result in failure of the teen standing on their own two feet. How will they succeed if their parents are always hovering and making excuses for them? Parents need to guide their kids not live their life for them.

Conclusion

Coddling has been a way for parents to help and or control their children for many years. Parent’s way of coddling can be any form this is known as a helicopter parent. “ A helicopter parent is one who hovers over their child's every move in an effort to protect them from pain, disappointment, and failure in the process of achieving success”.(Rock, David). Parents need to understand that their child does not need to have the newest sneakers, or Iphone that their friends have. They do not have to go to every movie or buy everyone a coffee, they don’t need that $50.00 in their pockets unless they have earned that. Parents want so bad for their children to be accepted and not under any peer pressure that they give in to these demands. They need to stop. Children will grow up to have everything expected of them. This will be the parents fault. Children need to stand up for themselves and to start doing for themselves. Parents need to stop saying “not my kid”.

References:

http://www.audreymarlene-lifecoach.com/taking-responsibility.html

https://childdevelopmentinfo.com/ages-stages/teenager-adolescent-development-parenting/teens-peer-pressure/#.WLjE59gzXIU

Nemours Children’s Health System, 2017

Smetana, J.G., Campione-Barr, N., & Metzger, A. (2006). Adolescent development in interpersonal and societal contexts. Annual Review of Psychology, 57, 255-284.

Kern, M.L., Waters, L.E., Adler, A., & White, M.A. (2015). A multidimensional approach to measuring well-being in students: Application of the PERMA framework. Journal of Positive Psychology, 10(3), 262-271. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2014.936962