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Making a Divorce Culture Rough Draft

The impact a divorce can give varies depending on the level of love and trust one has before the separation, and it may concern more than the main two partners. Those involved with such a heartbreaking event can change from this and become better as a person. Still, such an event is difficult to grasp since it leaves a scar, but not all divorces are bad. A relative of mine has experienced such crisis and did not harbor a huge wound.

My relative named Michael, at the age of 28, became married to Katy who was at the time 20. The reason for this marriage was the unexpected pregnancy of Katy which put a lot of stress on the both of them as well as their respective family. Since this was more of a marriage for the child, you could say it was an obligation to family. Their time together didn’t last very long, however, since their relationship was apparently not deep enough. There was trust issues and their separate views made them argue most of the time but kept it low during the pregnancy months. Some of these trust issues reside with an error on Katy’s side since she wanted freedom while Michael wanted to help out and improve the condition of the new family. Michael gave up most of his freedom for his goal but Katy was free since she was being respected as she was pregnant. The family of my relative also didn’t like Katy because of her attitude towards them which brings in the factor of family intervention for marriage and divorce. Family intervention plays a very big part in marriage and divorce because they either support or go against you. They provide the most for both sides of the argument which decides the tide of the divorce. When they couldn’t take it much longer, they decided to divorce.

The divorce was mostly caused by the inexperienced wife with only 20 years in her life When the child was born. After four months of being a mother, she decided she needed more time to explore more of the world and how to deal with tough situations, in this case the job of a mother. She also had to cope with the new routine of waking up at any time for the child and going to the gym to get back in shape after being pregnant. To cope with this situation, she usually goes out at night and comes home very late. The suspicions Michael and his parents had on this situation was that she was going out to clubs due to her stench of alcohol every time she comes home late. The stench of alcohol and her irresponsibility was a dangerous situation for the baby at four months old at the time. Michael’s parents did not like this, and neither did he, influencing the push towards a divorce. They didn’t take this matter into their hands by talking nicely and going through a smooth talk, but instead yelled throughout the argument. As Whitehead states, “…divorce now became an event closely linked to the pursuit of individual satisfactions, opportunities, and growth” ( ). The divorce in Michael’s situation is an event close to their satisfaction because it was due to their interests. Katy wanted to be free and Michael was getting tired of all the farce. The opportunity given here is a better life for the both of them as they seem to no longer be attached to each other, and the child would also not need to experience the divorce first hand if they went their separate ways now. With the detachment to each other, they would be able to develop their mutual understandings. They can also grow from the experience of having married and divorced once, giving them the experience of how to deal with these situations when it comes up again.

The divorce was a necessary step to improving both of their lives as well as the family’s. Divorcing was crucial to the health and future of the baby too since they are not happy together. Whitehead says “Influential voices in the society, including child-welfare professionals, claimed that the happiness of individual parents, rather than an intact marriage, was the key determinant of a children’s family well-being. If divorce could make one or both parents happier, then it was likely to improve the well-being of children as well.” The irresponsibility of Katy I talked about earlier was the attention she gave to her child. More than half of a week she would leave the baby in the care of Michael’s parents and have her fun either shopping or lazing around. She also showed little concern for her kid during the process of the divorce. When it was time to go to court to see who would get take the custody of the child, she didn’t show up, giving the guardianship to Michael.

Whitehead says “The dissolution of marriage offered the chance to make oneself over from the inside out, to refurbish and express the inner self, and to acquire certain valuable psychological assets and competencies, such as initiative, assertiveness, and a stronger and better self-image”( ). This seems to be true since the divorce changed both Katy’s and Michael’s life, but especially their child’s life. Katy became more responsible and is married to another person. She feels no regret about divorcing with Michael while he also remarried and has three kids now. Examples that helped improve and develop them would be the time Katy had to find another partner which gave her the experience she needed to know how society works. She also knows how to love properly now and got a good job. Michael learned that rushing to an end by way of family intervention may not have been a good idea. The current family he has is much more stable and relatively easy to communicate to. The child is affected the most because he had to live without a mother for five years. Having the motherly love he so longed for changed him for the better, as well as the love of two younger sister. He has to take care of them but doesn’t hate it because he now knows what a real family is like.

Divorce is a common thing in today’s time but the effect it has on the ones in question is the same. What causes divorce is the instability of trust and incomplete love. The amount of love that is not there promotes the necessity for a divorce because it means the relationship is not deep enough and would cause a lot of problems. Divorce changes the life of all those who are affected, no matter how small. These changes can include behavior and trust in others. The overall effect can be for the better or worse, and in my relative’s case it was for the better. Although it may be a tough time for those involved, it doesn’t always necessarily provide a negative outcome. Having a positive outlook makes it easier to cope with the situation.