Is it a possibility that I can have this done by today

RESPONDING TO IMAGES In April 2011, a massive EF-4 tornado tore through Alabama, leaving 1500 injured and 65 dead. This photo, showing college students assisting the clean-up in Pleasant Grove, Alabama a week after the tornado, evokes many emotions, even if you were not one of the thousands who experienced its devastation firsthand. Write an essay about a tragedy you experienced in your own life. What was the experience like and how did it change you — for better or worse? CHAPTER PREVIEW Step 1: Begin with a Point, or Thesis • Understanding Thesis Statements • Writing a Good Thesis I • Writing a Good Thesis II Step 2: Support the Thesis with Specific Evidence Step 3: Organize and Connect the Specific Evidence Step 4: Write Clear, Error-Free Sentences • Use Active Verbs • Practice in Revising Sentences Revising Essays for All Four Bases: Unity, Support, Coherence, and Sentence Skills CHAPTER Writing the Essay l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 265 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 265 9/6/12 5:34 PM 9/6/12 5:34 PM 266 PART 4 Essay Development The four steps in writing an effective essay are the same steps you have been using to write effective paragraphs: 1. Begin with a point, or thesis. 2. Support the thesis with specific evidence. 3. Organize and connect the specific evidence. 4. Write clear, error-free sentences. Much of this chapter, then, will be familiar, as we walk through how these steps can be applied to writing the essay as well.

Step 1: Begin with a Point, or Thesis You already know from your work on the paragraph that your first step in writing is to discover what point you want to make and to write that point out as a single sentence. There are two reasons for doing this. You want to know right from the start if you have a clear and workable thesis. Also, you will be able to use the thesis as a guide while writing your essay. At any stage you can ask yourself, “Does this support my thesis?” With the thesis as a guide, the danger of drifting away from the point of the essay is greatly reduced.

Understanding Thesis Statements In Chapter 15, you learned that effective essays center around a thesis, or main point, that a writer wishes to express. This central idea is usually pre- sented as a thesis statement in an essay’s introductory paragraph. Just like the topic sentence of a paragraph, a good thesis statement does two things. First, it tells readers an essay’s topic. Second, it presents the writer ’s attitude, opinion, idea , or point about that topic. For example, look at the following thesis statement: Owning a pet has several important benefits. In this thesis statement, the topic is owning a pet; the writer ’s main point is that owning a pet has several important benefits. Writing a Good Thesis I Now that you know how thesis statements work, you can prepare to begin writing your own. To start, you need a topic that is neither too broad nor too narrow. Suppose, for example, that an instructor asks you to write a paper on marriage. Such a subject is too broad to cover in a five-hundred-word essay. You would have to write a book to support adequately any point you might make about the general subject of mar- riage. What you need to do, then, is limit your subject. Narrow it down until you have a thesis that you can deal with specifically in about five hundred words. In the box that follows are (1) several general subjects, (2) a limited version of each general subject, and (3) a thesis statement about each limited subject. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 266 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 266 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 267 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. LIST 1 LIST 3 Teachers Education Math teacher My high school math teacher was incompetent. High school math teacher Retail companies Supermarkets Dealing with customers Working in a supermarket I’ve learned how to handle unpleasant supermarket customers. LIST 2 LIST 4 Bicycles Dangers of bike riding Recreation Recreational vehicles Bike riding in the city is a dangerous activity. Camping First camping trip Summer vacation My first camping trip was a disastrous experience. Vacations Later in this chapter you will get more practice in narrowing general sub- jects to thesis statements. General Subject Limited Subject Thesis Marriage Family Television Children Sports Honeymoon Older sister TV preachers Disciplining of children Players’ salaries A honeymoon is perhaps the worst way to begin a marriage. My older sister helped me overcome my shyness. TV evangelists use sales techniques to pro- mote their messages. My husband and I have several effective ways of disciplining our children. Players’ high salaries are bad for the game, for the fans, and for the values our children are developing. ACTIVITY 1 Sometimes a subject must go through several stages of limiting before it is nar- row enough to write about. Below are four lists reflecting several stages that writers went through in moving from a general subject to a narrow thesis state- ment. Number the stages in each list from 1 to 5, with 1 marking the broadest stage and 5 marking the thesis. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 267 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 267 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 268 PART 4 Essay Development Writing a Good Thesis II When writing thesis statements, you want to avoid making the same mis- takes we discussed when writing topic sentences for your paragraphs. One mistake is to simply announce the subject rather than state a true thesis. A second mistake is to write a thesis that is too broad, and a third is to write a thesis that is too narrow. An additional mistake is to write a thesis contain- ing more than one idea. The following activities will give you practice in avoiding such mistakes and writing good thesis statements.

Write Statements, Not Announcements Write A beside each sentence that is an announcement rather than a thesis statement. Write OK beside the statement in each pair that is a clear, limited point that could be developed in an essay. ACTIVITY 2 1 . a. This essay will discuss the fitness classes offered at my gym. b. My gym offers spinning, kick boxing, and yoga classes. 2 . a. I learned the hard way that online gambling is very addictive. b. My thesis in this paper is the very addictive nature of online gambling. 3 . a. The Korean jeon , the French crêpe, and the American hot- cake are variations of the pancake. b. Variations of the pancake is the subject of this paper. 4 . a. This paper will be about the toys my cat prefers. b. My cat snubs store-bought toys in favor of toilet paper rolls, twist ties, and paper bags. 5 . a. My concern here is to discuss the rising fuel costs in the U.S. today. b. There are several possible explanations for the rising fuel costs in the U.S. today. Avoid Statements That Are Too Broad Write TB beside each statement that is too broad to be developed in an essay. Write OK beside the statement in each pair that is a clear, limited point. ACTIVITY 3 1 . a. In many ways, sports are an important part of American life. b. Widespread gambling has changed professional football for the worse. lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 268 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 268 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 269 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. 2. a. Modern life makes people suspicious and unfriendly. b. A frightening experience in my neighborhood has caused me to be a much more cautious person in several ways. 3 . a. Toy ads on television teach children to be greedy, competi- tive, and snobbish. b. Advertising has bad effects on all of society. 4 . a. Learning new skills can be difficult and frustrating. b. Learning to write takes work, patience, and a sense of humor. 5 . a. I didn’t get along with my family, so I did many foolish things. b. Running away from home taught me that my parents weren’t as terrible as I thought. Avoid Statements That Are Too Narrow ACTIVITY 4 Write TN beside each statement that is too narrow to be developed in an essay. Write OK beside the statement in each pair that is a clear, limited point.

1 . a. I had squash, tomatoes, and corn in my garden last summer. b. Vegetable gardening can be a frustrating hobby. 2 . a. The main road into our town is lined with billboards. b. For several reasons, billboards should be abolished. 3 . a. There are now more single-parent households in our country than ever before. b. Organization is the key to being a successful single parent. 4. a. My first job taught me that I had several bad work habits. b. Because I was late for work yesterday, I lost an hour ’s pay and was called in to see the boss. 5 . a. Americans abuse alcohol because it has become such an important part of their personal and public celebrations. b. Consumption of wine, beer, and hard liquor increases in the United States every year. Make Sure Statements Develop Only One Idea Here are three statements that contain more than one idea: One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying, and it is time more kids learned the value of helping others. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 269 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 269 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 270 PART 4 Essay Development Studying with others has several benefits, but it also has drawbacks and can be difficult to schedule. Teachers have played an important role in my life, but they were not as important as my parents. In this group, each statement contains more than one idea. For instance, “One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bully- ing, and it is time more kids learned the value of helping others” clearly has two separate ideas (“One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying” and “it is time more kids learned the value of helping others”). The reader is asked to focus on two separate points, each of which more logically belongs in an essay of its own. Remember, the point of an essay is to communicate a single main idea to readers. To be as clear as possible, then, try to limit your thesis statement to the single key idea you want your readers to know. Revised thesis statements based on each of the examples above are as follows: One of the most serious problems affecting young people today is bullying. Studying with others has several benefits.

Teachers have played an important role in my life. ACTIVITY 5 Complete the following thesis statements by adding a third supporting point that will parallel the two already provided. You might first want to revisit the section on parallelism in Chapter 4 (page 100) to make sure you understand parallel form. 1. Because I never took college preparatory courses in high school, I entered college deficient in mathematics, study skills, and . 2. A good salesperson needs to like people, to be aggressive, and . 3. Rather than blame myself for failing the course, I blamed the instructor, my adviser, and even . 4. Anyone who buys an old house planning to fix it up should be pre- pared to put in a lot of time, hard work, and . 5. Our old car eats gas, makes funny noises, and . 6. My mother, my boss, and my are three people who are very important in my life right now. 7. Getting married too young was a mistake because we hadn’t finished our education, we weren’t ready for children, and . l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 270 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 270 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 271 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. 8. Some restaurant patrons seem to leave their honesty, their cleanliness, and their at home. 9. During my first semester at college, I had to learn how to manage my time, my diet, and . 10. Three experiences I wish I could forget are the time I fell off a ladder, the time I tried to fix my parents’ lawn mower, and . ACTIVITY 6 Working with a partner, write a thesis for each group of supporting statements. This activity will give you practice in writing an effective essay thesis—one that is neither too broad nor too narrow. It will also help you understand the logical relationship between a thesis and its supporting details. 1. Thesis: . a. My first car was a rebellious-looking one that matched the way I felt and acted as a teenager. b. My next car reflected my more mature and practical adult self. c. My latest car seems to tell me that I’m aging; it shows my growing concern with comfort and safety. 2. Thesis: . a. All the course credits that are accumulated can be transferred to a four-year school. b. Going to a two-year college can save a great deal of money in tuition and other fees. c. If the college is nearby, there are also significant savings in everyday living expenses. 3. Thesis: . a. First, I tried simply avoiding the snacks aisle of the supermarket. b. Then I started limiting myself to only one serving of any given snack. c. Finally, in desperation, I began keeping the bags of snacks in a pad- locked cupboard. 4. Thesis: . a. The holiday can be very frightening for little children. b. Children can be struck by cars while wearing vision-obstructing masks and dark costumes. c. There are always incidents involving deadly treats: fruits, cookies, and candies that contain razor blades or even poison. lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 271 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 271 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 272 PART 4 Essay Development 5. Thesis: . a. First of all, I was a typical “type A” personality: anxious, impatient, and hard-driving. b. I also had a family history of relatives with heart trouble. c. My unhealthy lifestyle, though, was probably the major factor. The following activity will give you practice in distinguishing general from limited subjects and in writing a thesis. HINT To create a thesis statement for a limited subject, ask yourself, “What point do I want to make about _____________ ( my limited subject )?” Here is a list of ten general subjects. Working in pairs with a fellow classmate, limit five of the subjects. Then write a thesis statement about each of the five limited subjects. ACTIVITY 7 GENERAL SUBJECT 1. Pets 2. Teenagers 3. Internet 4. Work 5. College 6. Doctors 7. Vacations 8. Cooking 9. Money 10. Shopping LIMITED SUBJECT Thesis statements for five of the limited subjects: lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 272 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 272 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 273 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Step 2: Support the Thesis with Specific Evidence The first essential step in writing a successful essay is to formulate a clearly stated thesis. The second basic step is to support the thesis with specific reasons or details, just as you would support the topic sentence of your paragraph.

To ensure that your essay will have adequate support, you may find an informal outline very helpful. Write down a brief version of your thesis idea, and then work out and jot down three or more points that will sup- port the thesis.

Here is the scratch outline that was prepared by the author of the essay on moviegoing in Chapter 15: Moviegoing is a problem. 1. Inconvenience of going out 2. Tempting snacks 3. Other moviegoers A scratch outline like this one looks simple, but developing it often requires a great deal of careful thinking. The time spent on developing a logical outline is invaluable, though. Once you have planned the steps that logically support your thesis, you will be in an excellent position to go on to write an effective essay.

Activities in this section will give you practice in the crucial skill of planning an essay clearly. ACTIVITY 8 Following are ten informal outlines. Complete any five of them by adding a third logical supporting point ( c ) that will parallel the two already provided ( a and b ). 1. College registration can be a confusing process. a. Some classes fill quickly. b. Several placement tests are needed. c . l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 273 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 273 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 274 PART 4 Essay Development 2. People seek out comfort food at roadside diners. a. Meatloaf sandwich b. Baked macaroni and cheese c . 3. White lies are socially acceptable. a. Avoid hurting a person’s feelings b. Avoid facing consequences c . 4. Back-to-school shopping can be expensive. a. Backpack b. Textbooks c . 5. Big-box stores such as Wal-Mart have everything shoppers need. a. Supermarket b. Pharmacy c . 6. Mike moved to Southern California to enjoy water sports. a. He surfs. b. He scuba dives. c . 7. A cell phone can be customized to fit the owner. a. Ringtone b. Wallpaper c . 8. Technology makes handling finances so much easier. a. Automatic bill payments b. Online banking services c . 9. My boss has three qualities I admire. a. Shrewdness b. Intelligence c . 10. Traveling by air is stressful. a. Security restrictions b. Delayed flights c . l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 274 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 274 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 275 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. The Importance of Specif ic Details Just as a thesis must be developed with at least three supporting points, each supporting point must be developed with specific details.

All too often, the body paragraphs in essays contain only vague gener- alities, rather than the specific supporting details that are needed to engage and convince a reader. Here is what one of the paragraphs in “The Hazards of Moviegoing” (see Chapter 15) would have looked like if the writer had not detailed her supporting evidence vividly: Some of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself. Many people in the theater often show themselves to be inconsiderate. They make noises and create disturbances at their seats. Included are people in every age group, from the young to the old. Some act as if they were at home in their own living room watching the TV set. And people are often messy, so that you’re constantly aware of all the food they’re eating. People are also always moving around near you, creating a disturbance and interrupting your enjoyment of the movie. The following box contrasts the vague support in the preceding para- graph with the specific support in the essay. Vague Support 1. Many people in the theater show themselves to be inconsiderate. They make noises and create disturbances at their seats. Included are people in every age group, from the young to the old. Some act as if they were at home in their own living room watching the TV set. 2. And people are often messy, so that you’re constantly aware of all the food they’re eating. 3. People are also always moving around near you, creating a disturbance and interrupting your enjoyment of the movie. Specific Support 1. Little kids race up and down the aisles, usually in giggling packs. Teenagers try to impress their friends by talking back to the screen, whistling, and making what they consider to be hilarious noises. Adults act as if they were at home in their own living room and comment loudly on the ages of the stars or why movies aren’t as good anymore. 2. And people of all ages crinkle candy wrappers, stick gum on their seats, and drop popcorn tubs or cups of crushed ice and soda on the floor. 3. They also cough and burp, talk on their cell phones, file out for repeated trips to the rest rooms or concession stand, and elbow you out of the armrest on either side of your seat. The effective paragraph from the essay provides details that make vividly clear the statement that patrons are a problem in the theater. The writer specifies the exact age groups (little kids, teenagers, and adults) and the offenses of each (giggling, talking and whistling, and loud comments).

She specifies the various food excesses (crinkled wrappers, gum on seats, dropped popcorn and soda containers). Finally, she provides concrete de- tails that enable us to see and hear other disturbances (coughs and burps, l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 275 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 275 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 276 PART 4 Essay Development talking on cell phones, constant trips to rest rooms, jostling for elbow room). The ineffective paragraph asks us to guess about these details; the effective paragraph describes the details in a specific and lively way. In the strong paragraph, then, sharp details capture our interest and enable us to share the writer ’s experience. They provide pictures that make each of us feel, “I am there.” The particulars also enable us to understand clearly the writer ’s point that patrons are a problem. Aim to make your own writing equally convincing by providing detailed support. The Importance of Adequate Details You must provide enough specific details to fully support the point in a body paragraph of an essay. You could not, for example, include a paragraph about a friend’s unreliability and provide only a one- or two-sentence example. You know from your previous work on writing paragraphs that you would have to extend the example or add several other examples showing your friend as an unreliable person. Without such additional support, your paragraph would be underdeveloped. Take a few minutes to write a paragraph supporting the point “My _________ is (are) a mess.” You might write about your backpack, your bedroom, your desk, your finances, your personal life, even your life as a whole. If you want, be hu- morous. Afterward, you and your classmates, working in small groups, should read your paragraphs aloud. The best-received paragraphs are almost sure to be those with plenty of specific details. The following essay needs specific details to back up the ideas in the support- ing paragraphs. Using the spaces provided, add a sentence or two of clear, convincing details for each supporting idea. This activity will give you practice at supplying specific details and an initial feel for writing an essay. ACTIVITY 9 ACTIVIT Y 10 Adding Details to Complete an Essay Life Off-Line When my family’s Internet provider had some mechanical problems that interrupted our service for a week, my parents, my sister, and I thought we would never make it. Getting through long evenings without streaming movies, e-mails, Twitter updates, and Internet searches seemed impossible.

We soon realized, though, that living off-line for a while was a stroke of good fortune. It became easy for each of us to enjoy some activities alone, to complete some postponed chores, and to spend rewarding time with each other and friends. Introduction Personal l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 276 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 276 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 277 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. First of all, now that we were disconnected, we found plenty of hours for personal interests. We all read more that week than we had read during the six months before. We each also enjoyed some hobbies we had ignored for ages. In addition, my sister and I both stopped procrastinating with our homework. First supporting paragraph Second supporting paragraph Third supporting paragraph Second, we did chores that had been hanging over our heads for too long. There were many jobs around the house that had needed attention for some time. We had a chance to do some long-postponed shopping. Also, each of us did some paperwork that was long overdue. Finally, and probably most important, we spent time with each other. Instead of just being in the same room together while we stared at different screens, we actually talked for many pleasant hours. continued l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 277 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 277 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 278 PART 4 Essay Development Step 3: Organize and Connect the Specific Evidence As you are generating the specific details needed to support a thesis, you should be thinking about ways to organize and connect those details. All the details in your essay must cohere , or stick together, so that your reader will be able to move smoothly from one bit of supporting information to the next. This section shows you how to organize and connect supporting details by using (1) common methods of organization, (2) transitions, and (3) other connecting words.

Common Methods of Organization You are already familiar with the two common methods used to organize the supporting material in an essay: time order and emphatic order. As you’ll recall time , or chronological, order simply means that details are listed as they occur in time. First this is done; next this; then this; after that, this; and so on. Here is an outline of an essay in which time order is used: Moreover, for the first time in years my family played some card games and board games together. Because we couldn’t keep up with everyone electronically, we had some family friends over one evening and spent an enjoyable time with them.

Conclusion Once our Internet provider got the problems fixed, we were not prepared to go back to our previous ways. We had gained a sense of how our online activities had not only taken over our lives, but had interrupted our family’s life. We still spend time streaming movies, gaming, e-mailing, and tweeting, but we make sure to spend at least two evenings a week focusing on each other. As a result, we have found that we can enjoy our virtual lives and still have time left over for our real lives! l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 278 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 278 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 279 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Fill in the missing words: The topic sentences in the essay use the words , , and to help show time order. Emphatic order is a way to put emphasis on the most interesting or im- portant detail by placing it in the last part of a paragraph or in the final supporting paragraph of an essay. Finally, last of all , and most important are typical words or phrases showing emphasis. Here is an outline of an essay that uses emphatic order: Thesis To exercise successfully, a person should follow a simple plan consisting of arranging time, making preparations, and warming up properly. 1. The first thing that should be done is to set aside a regular hour for exercise. 2. Next, preparations for the exercise session should be made. 3. Finally, a series of warm-up activities should be completed. Thesis Celebrities lead very stressful lives. 1. For one thing, celebrities don’t have the privacy an ordinary person does. 2. In addition, celebrities are under constant pressure. 3. Most important, celebrities must deal with the stress of being in constant danger. Fill in the missing words: The topic sentences in the essay use the words , , and t o help show emphatic order. Some essays use a combination of time order and emphatic order. For example, the essay on moviegoing in Chapter 15 includes time order: the writer first describes getting to the theater, then the theater itself, and finally the behavior of patrons during the movie. At the same time, the writer uses emphatic order, ending with the most important reason for her dislike of moviegoing: “Some of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself.” lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 279 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 279 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 280 PART 4 Essay Development Transitions Transitional Words Transitions signal the direction of a writer ’s thought. They are like the road signs that guide travelers. In the box that follows are some common transi- tions you have already been using in writing your paragraphs. They are grouped according to the kind of signal they give to readers. Note that certain words provide more than one kind of signal. Addition signal: one, first of all, second, the third reason, also, next, another, and, in addition, moreover, furthermore, finally, last of all Time signals: first, then, next, after, as, before, while, meanwhile, soon, now, during, finally Space signals: next to, across, on the opposite side, to the left, to the right, above, below, near, nearby Change-of-direction signals: but, however, yet, in contrast, although, otherwise, still, on the contrary, on the other hand Illustration signals: for example, for instance, specifically, as an illustration, once, such as Conclusion signals: therefore, consequently, thus, then, as a result, in summary, to conclude, last of all, finally Work together with a fellow classmate to complete the following activity. ACTIVITY 11 1. Underline the three addition signals in the following selection: To create the time a student needs to pass each semester, he or she should incorporate different types of courses. Mixing course types allows students to access different parts of their brains to avoid overload. One way a student can mix courses is to take a course that keeps him or her active—for exam- ple, a physical education course. Hours of studying can be exhausting, but exercise has been shown to be a positive cure. After studying anatomy facts like the muscular system, a student could work out those very muscles, creating a hands-on review. Another way a student can mix courses is to take a literature course during the same semester as a math course. Math homework can often be repetitive and lengthy, but breaking it up by read- ing a story about growing up during the Industrial Age can offer the mental break needed. A final way a student can add variety to his or her sched- ule is to take a “fun” course each semester. For one student, a fun course might be a photography course, but for another student computer program- ming would be more fun. Fun courses are not necessarily easy, but they are courses that a student chooses based upon his or her personal interest. 2. Underline the four time signals in the following selection: After a person has acquired the job of TV sports reporter, it is important to begin working on the details of his or her image, so viewers connect.

First , it is important that a new sports reporter invests in two or three versa- tile suit jackets. They should be made from fabrics that are neutral in color, Academic Work l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 280 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 280 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 281 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. so the reporter can mix-and-match a variety of shirts and ties. The best col- ors would be basic neutrals like black, navy, and beige. Next , a new sports reporter should invest in a variety of ties. Everyday ties should include basic stripes and muted patterns. However, since a reporter is on TV daily, it is also important to have one or two unique ties that viewers will enjoy seeing occasionally. It is also good to have a few holiday ties that will bring smiles to the viewers. Finally , it is important that a new sportscaster create a personality that viewers will respond to. Supporting the home team is always important, and a good reporter will find ways to describe both wins and losses in a positive manner. His or her tone should always show that despite the home team’s performance, the fans will remain loyal. 3. Underline the three space signals in the following selection: The vegetable bin of my refrigerator contained an assortment of weird- looking items. Next to a shriveled, white-coated lemon were two oranges cov- ered with blue fuzz. To the right of the oranges was a bunch of carrots that had begun to sprout points, spikes, knobs, and tendrils. The carrots drooped into U shapes as I picked them up with the tips of my fingers. Near the carrots was a net bag of onions; each onion had sent curling shoots through the net until the whole thing resembled a mass of green spaghetti. The most horrible item, though, was a head of lettuce that had turned into a pool of brown goo. It had seeped out of its bag and coated the bin with a sticky, evil-smelling liquid. 4. Underline the two change-of-direction signals in the following selection: Taking small children on vacation, for instance, sounds like a wonder- ful experience for the entire family. But vacations can be scary or emotionally overwhelming times for children. When children are taken away from their usual routine and brought to an unfamiliar place, they can become very fright- ened. That strange bed in the motel room or the unusual noises in Grandma’s spare bedroom may cause nightmares. On vacations, too, children usually clamor to do as many things in one day as they can and to stay up past their usual bedtime. And, since it is vacation time, parents may decide to give in to the children’s demands. A parental attitude like this, however , can lead to problems. After a sixteen-hour day of touring the amusement park, eating in a restaurant, and seeing a movie, children can experience sensory and emo- tional overload. They become cranky, unhappy, or even rebellious and angry. 5. Underline the two illustration signals in the following selection: Supermarkets also use psychology to encourage people to buy. For ex- ample , in most supermarkets, the milk and the bread are either at opposite ends of the store or located far away from the first aisle. Even if shoppers have stopped at the market only for staples like these, they must pass hun- dreds of items in order to reach them. The odds are that instead of leaving with just a quart of milk, they will leave with additional purchases as well.

Special displays, such as a pyramid of canned green beans in an aisle and a large end display of cartons of paper towels, also increase sales. Because shoppers assume that these items are a good buy, they may pick them up.

However, the items may not even be on sale! Store managers know that customers are automatically attracted to a display like this, and they will use it to move an overstocked product. Personal Academic Work l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 281 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 281 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 282 PART 4 Essay Development 6. Underline the two conclusion signals in the following selection: Finally , my grandmother was extremely thrifty. She was one of those people who hoard pieces of used aluminum foil after carefully scraping off the cake icing or beef gravy. She had a drawer full of old eyeglasses that dated back at least thirty years. The lens prescriptions were no longer accurate, but Gran couldn’t bear to throw away “a good pair of glasses.” She kept them “just in case,” but we could never figure out what situation would involve a desperate need for a dozen pairs of old eyeglasses. We never realized the true extent of Gran’s thriftiness, though, until after she died. Her house was to be sold, and therefore we cleaned out its dusty attic. In one corner was a cardboard box filled with two- and three-inch pieces of string. The box was labeled, in Gran’s spidery hand, “String too short to be saved.” Transitional Sentences Transitional , or linking, sentences are used between paragraphs to help tie together the supporting paragraphs in an essay. They enable the reader to move smoothly from the idea in one paragraph to the idea in the next paragraph.

Here is the linking sentence used in the essay on moviegoing: Many of the other patrons are even more of a problem than the concession stand. The words concession stand remind us of the point of the first supporting paragraph, while Many of the other patrons presents the point to be devel- oped in the second supporting paragraph. Thesis 1 First supporting paragraph Following are brief sentence outlines from two essays. In each outline, the sec- ond and third topic sentences serve as transitional, or linking, sentences. Each reminds us of the point in the preceding paragraph and announces the point to be developed in the current paragraph. Working in groups of two or three, use the spaces provided to add the words needed to complete the second and third topic sentences. ACTIVIT Y 12 In order to set up an in-home day-care center, a person must be sure the house conforms to state regulations, the necessary legal permits are in place, and services are advertised in the right places. First of all, a potential operator of an in-home day-care center must make sure the house conforms to state regulations…. Work Personal l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 282 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 282 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 283 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Second supporting paragraph After making certain that , the potential operator must obtain . . . . Third supporting paragraph Finally, once the necessary the potential operator can begin to . Cheaper cost, greater comfort, and superior electronic technology make watching football at home more enjoyable than attending a game at the stadium. Thesis 2 For one thing, watching the game on TV eliminates the cost of attending the game. . . . First supporting paragraph In addition to saving me money, watching the game at home is more than sitting in a stadium. . . . Second supporting paragraph Even more important than and , though, is the that makes a televised game better than the “real thing.”. . . . Third supporting paragraph Other Connecting Words In addition to transitions, there are three other kinds of connecting words that help tie together the specific evidence in a paper: repeated words, pro- nouns , and synonyms. For a description of each, revisit pages 96–98. Identifying Transitions and Other Connecting Words ACTIVIT Y 13 The following items use connecting words to help tie ideas together. The con- necting words you are to identify are set off in italics. In the space, write T for transition , RW for repeated word , S for synonym , or P for pronoun. Personal lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 283 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 283 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 284 PART 4 Essay Development 1. The family watched helplessly as the firefighters rushed into their home. Their house was engulfed in flames. 2. Sanjay’s dream is to become a computer software engineer. That is why he is going to college. 3. Fiji is located between New Caledonia and Tonga. Nearby in the Pacific Ocean is Samoa. 4. Jimmy donated his Air Jordans to the Nike Reuse-A-Shoe Program. His shoes will be recycled to build the turf for play- grounds and basketball courts. 5. Grant’s daughter Anna was adopted from an orphanage in Sichuan Province, China. At seven years of age, she is now eager to have a younger sibling. 6. Barbara is taking classes to learn American Sign Language. Once she masters this language , she wants to become an interpreter. 7. Alden completed his ten weeks of basic training for the Army National Guard. After he was done, he said that he felt like a changed person. 8. The nurse advised his patient to prepare a living will before the surgery. He also told his patient that everything would be okay. 9. My son is constantly sending his friends text messages. On the other hand , I know very little about “txt talk.” 10. The Levi’s that I bought are a relaxed fit. When I wear these jeans, I feel relaxed . 11. I’m so lucky that my apartment has a full-sized washer and dryer. These appliances are fairly new. 12. During deforestation, trees are cut down. As a result , more carbon dioxide remains in the air. 13. Grace works part time as an accounting clerk. She plans to earn an accounting degree so that she can secure a full-time job. 14. During the winter, I constantly remind my kids to put on a jacket before going out. Predictably, they find themselves needing an additional layer of clothing . 15. The library is located near the admissions office. On the opposite side of campus, there is a computer lab and a tutoring center. Step 4: Write Clear, Error-Free Sentences You have now seen how the first three goals in effective writing, unity, support, and coherence, can be applied to writing the essay. This section focuses on the fourth goal of writing effectively: sentence skills. When l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 284 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 284 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 285 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. writing essays, you should continue to revise your sentences using the fol- lowing strategies: • parallelism • a consistent point of view • specific words • concise words • varied sentences An additional strategy, which will be discussed below, is to use active verbs.

Use Active Verbs When the subject of a sentence performs the action of the verb, the verb is in the active voice. When the subject of a sentence receives the action of a verb, the verb is in the passive voice. The passive form of a verb consists of a form of the verb to be (am, is, are, was, were) plus the past participle of the main verb (which is usually the same as its past tense form). Look at the following active and passive forms. Passive Active The computer was turned on by Hakim. Hakim turned on the computer. The car ’s air conditioner was fixed by the mechanic. The mechanic fixed the car ’s air conditioner. In general, active verbs are more effective than passive verbs. Active verbs give your writing a simpler and more vigorous style. ACTIVIT Y 14 Revise the following sentences, changing verbs from the passive to the active voice and making any other word changes necessary. EXAMPLE Fruits and vegetables are painted often by artists.

1. Many unhealthy foods are included in the typical American diet.

2. The family picnic was invaded by hundreds of biting ants.

3. Antibiotics are used by doctors to treat many infections.

4. The fatal traffic accident was caused by a drunk driver. Artists often paint fruits and vegetables. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 285 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 285 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 286 PART 4 Essay Development 5. Final grades will be determined by the instructor on the basis of class performance. Practice in Revising Sentences You are already aware that practice in editing sentences is best undertaken after you have worked through the sentence skills in Part Five. The focus in this section, then, will be a review on revising sentences—using a variety of methods to ensure that your sentences flow smoothly and are clear and in- teresting. You will work through the following series of Review Activities: 1. Using parallelism 2. Using a consistent point of view 3. Using specific words 4. Using active verbs 5. Using concise words 6. Varying your sentences Using Parallelism Cross out the unbalanced part of each sentence. In the space provided, revise the unbalanced part so that it matches the other item or items in the sentence. REVIEW ACTIVITY 1 EXAMPLE Microwavable pizza is convenient, cheap, and it tastes good.

1. Before I do my homework, I need to prepare dinner, bathing the kids, and pay bills. 2. Features I look for in a computer are the speed of the processor, RAM memory, and hard drive space. 3. “Txt talk” includes slang, emoticons, and abbreviating words .

4. On the weekends, Kurt enjoys playing basketball, TV , and hanging out with his friends. 5. My ideal mate would be attractive, wealthy, and have a great personality . tasty lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 286 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 286 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 287 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. Using a Consistent Point of View Change verbs as needed in the following selection so that they are consistently in the past tense. Cross out each incorrect verb and write the correct form above it, as shown in the example. You will need to make ten corrections. REVIEW ACTIVITY 2 My uncle’s shopping trip last Thursday was discouraging to him. First of all, he had to drive around for fifteen minutes until he finds a parking space. There was a half-price special on paper products in the supermarket, and every spot is taken. Then, when he finally got inside, many of the items on his list were not where he expected.

For example, the pickles he wanted are not on the same shelf as all the other pickles. Instead, they were in a refrigerated case next to the bacon. And the granola was not on the cereal shelves but in the health-food section. Shopping thus proceeds slowly. About halfway through his list, he knew there would not be time to cook dinner and decides to pick up a barbecued chicken. The chicken, he learned, was available at the end of the store he had already passed. So he parks his shopping cart in an aisle, gets the chicken, and came back. After adding half a dozen more items to his cart, he suddenly realizes it contained someone else’s food. So he retraced his steps, found his own cart, transfers the groceries, and continued to shop. Later, when he began loading items onto the checkout counter, he notices that the barbecued chicken was missing. He must have left it in the other cart, certainly gone by now. Feeling totally defeated, he returned to the deli counter and says to the clerk, “Give me another chicken. I lost the first one.” My uncle told me that when he saw the look on the clerk’s face, he felt as if he’d flunked Food Shopping. found Using Specif ic Words Revise the following sentences, changing vague, indefinite words into sharp, specific ones. REVIEW ACTIVITY 3 Personal lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 287 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 287 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 288 PART 4 Essay Development EXAMPLE My roommate Marcelo listens to a variety of music . 1. When my marriage broke up, I felt various emotions. 2. The food choices in the cafeteria were unappetizing. 3. Bugs invaded our kitchen and pantry this summer. 4. All last week, the weather was terrible. 5. In the car accident, our teacher suffered a number of injuries. Using Active Verbs . . . hip-hop, heavy met al, and regg ae. Revise the following sentences, changing verbs from the passive to the active voice and making any other necessary word changes. REVIEW ACTIVITY 4 EXAMPLE Soccer is played by children all over the world.

1. The pizza restaurant was closed by the health inspector. Children all over the world play soccer. lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 288 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 288 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 289 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. 2. Huge stacks of donated books were sorted by the workers in the library.

3. My computer was infected by a virus.

4. Gasoline prices will not be increased by oil companies this winter.

5. High-powered bombs were dropped by our airplanes onto enemy bases. 6. An additional charge was placed on our phone bill by the telephone company. 7. The community center was damaged by a group of vandals.

8. Stress is relieved by physical activity, meditation, and relaxation.

9. Taxes will be raised by the federal government to pay for highway improvements. 10. Studies show that violent behavior among young children is increased by watching violent TV programs. Using Concise Words Revise the following sentences, omitting needless words. REVIEW ACTIVITY 5 EXAMPLE The ground beef patties that are manufactured at Wendy’s are square in size. 1. Gio at this point in time does not know the answer owing to the fact that he was not in attendance at class last week.

The burgers at Wendy’s are square. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 289 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 289 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 290 PART 4 Essay Development 2. The oval in shape pendant that I chose holds a large in size and blue in color sapphire stone. 3. You are informed that your line of credit has been increased due to the fact that you made payments by the deadlines. 4. Professor Lee is of the opinion that students enrolled in his class should turn off their cellular phone devices before the beginning of a class session. 5. Alberta has a personal preference for a writing instrument that is a pen- cil over a writing instrument that is a pen, which, in her honest and humble opinion, is preferable because her handwritten mistakes can be removed with a rubber eraser. Varying Your Sentences Combine each of the following groups of simple sentences into one longer sentence. Omit repeated words. Various combinations are often possible, so try to find a combination in each group that flows most smoothly and clearly. REVIEW ACTIVITY 6 EXAMPLE The technician arrived at the scene. The technician worked for a crime lab.

The technician needed to dust for fingerprints.

1. Sophie had repaired her broken watchband with a paper clip.

The clip snapped.

The watch slid off her wrist. 2. The physical therapist watched. Julie tried to stand on her weakened legs.

They crumpled under her. The crime lab tec hnician arrived at the scene to dust for fi ngerprints. l an11285_ch16_265-294.indd 290 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 290 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 291 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. 3. There were parking spaces on the street. Richie pulled into an expensive garage.

He did not want to risk damage to his new car. 4. The truck was speeding. The truck was brown.

The truck skidded on some ice.

The truck almost hit a police officer.

The police officer was startled.

The police officer was young. 5. The rainstorm flooded our basement. The rainstorm was sudden.

The rainstorm was terrible.

It knocked slates off the roof.

It uprooted a young tree.

Revising Essays for All Four Bases: Unity, Support, Coherence, and Sentence Skills ACTIVIT Y 15 In this activity, you will evaluate and revise two essays in terms of all four bases: unity, support, coherence, and sentence skills. Comments follow each support- ing paragraph. Circle the letter of the one statement that applies in each case. Chiggers I had lived my whole life not knowing what chiggers are. I thought they were probably a type of insect Humphrey Bogart encountered in The African Queen . I never had any real reason to care, until one day last summer. Within twenty-four hours, I had vividly experienced what chigger bites are, learned how to treat them, and learned how to prevent them. First of all, I learned that chiggers are the larvae of tiny mites found in the woods and that their bites are always multiple and cause intense itching. A beautiful summer day seemed perfect for a walk in the woods.

I am definitely not a city person, for I couldn’t stand to be surrounded by people, noise, and concrete. As I walked through the ferns and pines, I noticed what appeared to be a dusting of reddish seeds or pollen on Essay 1 1 2 continued Academic lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 291 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 291 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 292 PART 4 Essay Development my slacks. Looking more closely, I realized that each speck was a tiny insect. I casually brushed off a few and gave them no further thought.

I woke up the next morning feeling like a victim staked to an anthill by an enemy wise in the ways of torture. Most of my body was speckled with measlelike bumps that at the slightest touch burned and itched like a mosquito bite raised to the twentieth power. When antiseptics and calamine lotion failed to help, I raced to my doctor for emergency aid. a. Paragraph 2 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 2 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Time order in paragraph 2 is confused. d. Paragraph 2 contains two run-ons. Healing the bites of chiggers, as the doctor diagnosed them to be, is not a simple procedure. lt seems that there is really no wonder drug or commercial product to help. The victim must rely on a harsh and primitive home remedy and mostly wait out the course of the painful bites. First, the doctor explained, the skin must be bathed carefully in alcohol. An antihistamine spray applied several hours later will soothe the intense itching and help prevent infection. Before using the spray, I had to saturate each bite with gasoline or nail polish remover to kill any remaining chiggers. A few days after the treatment, the bites finally healed. Although I was still in pain, and desperate for relief, I followed the doctor’s instructions. I carefully applied gasoline to the bites and walked around for an hour smelling like a filling station. Most important of all, I learned what to do to prevent getting chigger bites in the future. Mainly, of course, stay out of the woods in the summertime. But if the temptation is too great on an especially beautiful day, I’ll be sure to wear the right type of clothing, like a long-sleeved shirt, long pants, knee socks, and closed shoes. In addition, I’ll cover myself with clouds of superstrength insect repellent. I will then shower thoroughly as soon as I get home, I also will probably burn all my clothes if I notice even one suspicious red speck. 3 a. Paragraph 3 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 3 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Time order in paragraph 3 is confused. d. Paragraph 3 contains one fragment. 4 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 292 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 292 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM CHAPTER 16 Writing the Essay 293 Copyright © 2013 The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc. All rights reserved. a. Paragraph 4 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 4 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Paragraph 4 lacks transitional words. d. Paragraph 4 contains a run-on and a fragment. 5 I will never forget my lessons on the cause, cure, and prevention of chigger bites. I’d gladly accept the challenge of rattlesnakes and scorpions in the wilds of the West but will never again confront a siege of chiggers in the pinewoods. The Hazards of Being an Only Child Many people who have grown up in multichild families think that being an only child is the best of all possible worlds. They point to such benefits as the only child’s annual new wardrobe and the lack of competition for parental love. But single-child status isn’t as good as people say it is. Instead of having everything they want, only children are sometimes denied certain basic human needs. Only children lack companionship. An only child can have trouble making friends, since he or she isn’t used to being around other children.

Often, the only child comes home to an empty house; both parents are working, and there are no brothers or sisters to play with or to talk to about the day. At dinner, the single child can’t tell jokes, giggle, or throw food while the adults discuss boring adult subjects. An only child always has his or her own room but never has anyone to whisper to half the night when sleep doesn’t come. Some only children thrive on this isolation and channel their energies into creative activities like writing or drawing. Owing to this lack of companionship, an only child sometimes lacks the social ease and self- confidence that come from being part of a close-knit group of contemporaries. Essay 2 1 2 a. Paragraph 2 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 2 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Paragraph 2 lacks transitional words. d. Paragraph 2 contains one fragment and one run-on. Second, only children lack privacy. An only child is automatically the center of parental concern. There’s never any doubt about which child tried to sneak in after midnight on a weekday. And who will get the lecture the next morning. Also, whenever an only child gives in to a bad mood, runs into his or her room, and slams the door, the door will continued 3 Personal lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 293 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 293 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM 294 PART 4 Essay Development open thirty seconds later, revealing an anxious parent. Parents of only children sometimes don’t even understand the child’s need for privacy. For example, they may not understand why a teenager wants a lock on the door or a personal telephone. After all, the parents think, there are only the three of us, there’s no need for secrets. a. Paragraph 3 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 3 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Paragraph 3 lacks transitional words. d. Paragraph 3 contains one fragment and one run-on. Most important, only children lack power. They get all the love; but if something goes wrong, they also get all the punishment. When a bottle of perfume is knocked to the floor or the television is left on all night, there’s no little sister or brother to blame it on. Moreover, an only child has no recourse when asking for a privilege of some kind, such as permission to stay out late or to take an overnight trip with friends. There are no other siblings to point to and say, “You let them do it. Why won’t you let me?” With no allies their own age, only children are always outnumbered, two to one. An only child hasn’t a chance of influencing any major family decisions, either. 4 a. Paragraph 4 contains an irrelevant sentence. b. Paragraph 4 lacks supporting details at one key spot. c. Paragraph 4 lacks transitional words. d. Paragraph 4 contains one fragment and one run-on. 5 Being an only child isn’t as special as some people think. It’s no fun being without friends, without privacy, and without power in one’s own home. But the child who can triumph over these hardships grows up self- reliant and strong. Perhaps for this reason alone, the hazards are worth it. lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 294 lan11285_ch16_265-294.indd 294 9/6/12 5:35 PM 9/6/12 5:35 PM