For Paula

Paper Title: literary_analysis_draft_

No. of Pages: 1200

Paper Style: APA Paper Type: Other

Taken English? Yes English as Second Language? Yes

Feedback Areas: Topic Development, Focus/Thesis Statement

Paper Goals: analysis paper

Proofing Summary:

Hi Oscar,

I’m Lee, your composition tutor for the Writing Center. I have reviewed your submission and have several suggestions that will

help you revise. Please feel free to contact us through a live chat session with any follow-up questions or for any clarification.

Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for

the revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on

overall concerns such as idea development. For a complete look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly

software available under “Writing Center” in your classroom.

You have done a nice job with the energy and tone of your essay and the strong effort of engagement you make with the topic!

For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:

1. You have a great start to your essay with this thesis as it outlines the main points you will discuss in the main body

paragraphs. Keep in mind that each topic sentence should take on the points in the thesis statement in corresponding order.

http://tinyurl.com/gqqjd8b

2. As you revise, I suggest working on your overall paragraph development. In general, all paragraphs need to have 3 pieces:

P-Point—also known as your topic sentence where you state what the paragraph is about

I-Information—where you present your information (facts, details, quotes, and reasons)

E-Explanation—where you explain the relevance or importance of your information

Please be sure to do all of this when writing your paragraphs. For help with this, check out this video tutorial on writing

paragraphs:

http://tinyurl.com/zaxrn9x

Good luck in the course, and I hope we can help you with your next assignment. page 1 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

page 2 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

(Year needed)

For direct quotes the page number goes at the end of the quote.

This is an excellent topic here. Try

to connect the main topics of your

body paragraphs to the points you

make in the thesis statement in

corresponding fashion, which will

help your paper's overall cohesion.This is a good thesis statement. Be sure each paragraph connects to the body

paragraphs in order for a logical sequence to the essay. page 3 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

Separate these clauses here with punctuation and possibly a conjunction.

When quoting, be sure to use APA format. It should follow this format: (Last name, year, p. #).

Good topic sentence as it

represents your thesis statement

and captures the main idea of the paragraph. page 4 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

Just as you transition throughout a paragraph, do the same between paragraphs. This means to link them

together by referring briefly to the point that came before while focusing the reader on the next point. For

example, when moving from a paragraph on the loyalty of dogs to their intelligence: "Not only are dogs

fiercely loyal, but they are also incredibly smart."

End punctuation not needed at the end of the quotation.

Review phrasing for proper tense agreement here. page 5 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

Keep in mind, a conclusion will briefly summarize the main points you have made throughout your paper. You also need to

restate your thesis in which you clearly constructed in the introduction paragraph. A conclusion works to remind your reader of the

claim and main points of your paper and summarizes what you want your reader to “take away” from your argument. page 6 / 7 Proofed Paper: ntp216045 - Tue Apr 18 15:56:04 EDT 2017

Be sure the publication is in italics.