this is for Catherine Owens

Lizeth Yeneic

121 E. 1st ave.

Roselle, New Jersey 07203

May 30, 2017

Sr. Craig Messmer

Principal

Leonard V. Moore Middle School

720 Locust St.

Roselle, New Jersey 07203

Dear Principal Messmer:

I am writing to you to address this ongoing issue that have been taking place in the classrooms of your school. English language learners are being victims of bullying. Different cultural behaviors and foreign accents are made fun of in school and the school needs to improve their education system to protect foreign children from being bullied.

As a foreign student, I have experienced being bullied verbally and emotionally when I attended your school for not being able to speak the language and witnessed my teachers doing nothing to prevent it. Instead, sometimes I would feel being a target to my teachers. My teachers would ask me questions in front of everyone and I would simple not answer because I could not understand the question or I would not talk because I was too afraid that my classmate would make fun of me. My teachers would think that I did not study or I just did not want to participate in class when in reality I had no clue what they were talking about. In addition, this causes me academic failures, not wanting to go to school and feeling depressed all the time. My self-esteem was very low and I felt excluded from everybody else. I was a child that did not know I was being a victim and never seek for help.

Now I am here to advocate for all these foreign children who are suffering from bullying. I would like to see some changes in the school system in regards of bullying specially towards foreign children. Principal Messmer, I felt my own teachers targeted me. How about informing all teachers of any new foreign children coming into school to help them transition to the classroom? If teachers are aware of the new student in class that does not speak the language, I believe teacher will minimize their questions since these children are learning a new language. Also, teachers need to spend more time with these children to help them improve academically.

ESL teachers must encourage students to talk about any incidents that they feel they are being victims of bullying. ESL teachers should not only teach students English as a second language but also teach them about bullying. Practicing with their first language if is possible, role-play with another student, draw pictures, etc. but teaching them when to speak and seek for help. I did not know I was being bullied because I was never taught about this matter in any of my classes. Most of these children are being bullied when they are alone. ESL Teachers should encourage other classmates to assist another classmate when they are in need of help. This could also go for all teachers as well. I felt excluded sometimes because I was alone in the classrooms. Due to being alone, I felt depressed and I had low self-esteem. ESL teachers can also have these children writing positive statements to themselves in their primary language as part of bullying class to remind them that is not their fault for being victims, that they are good people and deserve to be happy.

In conclusion Principal Messmer, I hope these few ideas can help improve the bullying education in your school and minimize this problem especially to foreign children. We have to make them feel welcome and at home, not to make them feel less than someone else. These children are our future and we all need to work together to make it a free bullying environment for them.

Sincerely,

Lizeth Yeneic

COMMENTS FROM PROFESSOR:

This very moving letter would make an excellent basis for your Child Within Paper. Here, however, it does not fulfill the requirements of this assignment, which is to write a one page letter that considers a very narrow problem and offers one specific, concrete solution. Here, instead, you describe a whole array of complex problems and some vague solutions. I would love to see you take this latter and narrow it down. The issues you discuss are so important, and your passion really adds to your letter.

Leave space for a signature, even though you may not actually sign this.

Advocacy Concepts

You have not described one narrow issue

You have not offered one specific solution

You do not seem to be attempting to get your target on board with your plan. instead, you are harsh and critical throughout. I understand that you must be true to your authentic voice, and that you have a right to express your anger. However, if you alienate your target hei sunlikely to follow your suggestion, or even finish reading your letter..

Your tone and content seem to imply that your target is not very bright, or not knowledgeable or does not know much about the matter at hand. This can be seen as insulting.

Analysis:

Your use of your personal experience is extremely powerful. however,

you also need supporting research and experts

You have not carefully explained the advocacy action you are suggesting

You have not explained how you know that this action will help to solve the problem

You have not considered the objections that are likely to be made

You have not realistically considered how this will be paid for.

Style

Your sentences frequently have unnecessary language

You don’t need to tell your target that you are writing to them – they know that.

You don’t need to put your name in the body of your letter – they should know it from your contact info.

Too often you put the focus on yourself, rather than the issue (see highlighting)

Your writing contains many cliches that are not effective for strong, convincing advocacy.