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Wink: An Online Journal Reflection Essay: Justin S. Instructor: Amer y Bodelson 1 There Was Never a Golden K ey or a Limousine by Justin S. People who kno w about addiction will say it takes at least six months for the mental fog to lift from a recovering person’s brain . I a m a recovering alcoholic an d can relate to that estimate . Through sixteen chaotic years , I had considered returning to school a handful of times , but it never happened. I would apply online, pay the application fee, complete the FAFSA, and then nothing would materialize . One time I even chewed out an admissions counselor for not following up on an application . It was as though I expected the school’s best people to come running to my door with the golden key , like they should race me off i n a limousine and escort me into the classroom. Well, the l imousine never showed up . It was the middle of October in 2013 . My head was foggy , and I was tired. I had just arrived at an inpatient treatment center. With only two days of sobriety, I sat at a table filling out paperwork. A worker asked why I chose La Crosse. After a brief pause I replied, “The fishing here is good , and the people are more down to earth. Also, going back to school would be great. I never thought I would need co llege when I was growing up . I wouldn’t be able to handle it anyway. ” The worker lau ghed and described his return to school as an adult. He said that school was a lot different when he was older. T he teachers were there t o teach him, not to punish him. He said that they actually wanted him to succeed. That conversation kick started my pursuit of higher education. “Where do I start? ” I was soon on W estern’s w ebsite. “Ok, it’s here, n ow what? What do I apply for? ” I scrolled through the programs. “This one looks interesting . How am I supposed to know what to pick ?” No immediate answers. Frustration was setting in. Nothing seemed clear. It was relative to my train of thought . My mind needed a break . It was time to focus on the m ost important thing, my recovery . A few days had gone by . I was nine days sober. My body was fighting withdraw al and t he activitie s at the treatment center consumed the day . It was exhausting. Suddenly, a n inner force encouraged me to revisit the website that had me tripped up before . The bio -medic al electronics program looked intriguing and seemed to be a fit . “Bio -med it is. ” I made an appointment t o meet with the pro gram advisor . “T hat’s progress. ” I made the call to have my high school transcripts sent to Western . “Check! Another thing was off my list . Next? ” I soon found the FAFSA and that was complete. The next day I was off to campus to meet with the bio -med enrollment advisor . “The program is full ? What in the heck am I supposed to do now ?” I was discouraged . Heading ba ck home , I reflected on wh at the advisor had to say. She provide d direction for my next steps , but a lot was still in question. I had e nough for that day . A lot was going on with recovery , and a break was in order anyway . Wink: An Online Journal Reflection Essay: Justin S. Instructor: Amer y Bodelson 2 Aft er some downtime , I tackled it again, but with a clearer head . Elect romechanical technology was my choice. The thought of a program that taught the inner workings of robotics, drive systems, and electronic controls seemed intense . It was intriguing since I had a lot of experience with mechanical and electronic repair. “Ok, now that’s set. ” I was making progress. I scheduled an appointment for the next day to complete a general testing session . I needed to find out what I had slept through in high school. Testing went by quickly the next day . Afterward, I met with a learning support advis or. I was shocked to hear that my result s were beyond high school level. I was definitely ready for the compass placement test. “I have a chance after all!” The advisor recommended scheduling the test as soon as possible. He added that r egistration wa s quickly approaching . I had a renewed sense o f confidence as I walked up stairs to schedule the appointmen ts. The p resence of doom lurked in the days that preceded the tests. The online practice exams were showing poor results , and inferiority was striking deep . I spent the evening before each session of the compass studying and bringing the practice score up. The studying really paid off! I nailed every test , one by one ! Another meeting with the advisor lifted my spirits and provided a roug h es timate of a class schedule . I was 49 days into my sobriety. Focus shifted to the ALEKS math program . A total of 35 hours went into that online program. That was the last step needed to fulfill the program requirements. Finally, a taste of success. It was difficult to balance study time with the scheduled programming at the treatment center , but it was rewarding once complete . A few days passed and i t was time for o ne more trip to the campus . A meeting w ith the financial aid advisor brought comfort that morning . I found out that tuition was within reach . The advisor encouraged me to get my student ID card before leaving campus. S he directed me to the building across the street , where an office worker made the card on the spot . It was then that it hit me . I was officially a student! The card in my hand was proof ! My life had come from within moments of death . N ow I had a purpose and a positive outlook on life. My time was complete at t he treatment c enter , and I found a new home . Both were welcomed change s. It was finally time to rest. The new living situation was not what most people would consider ideal, but rent included everything needed to surv ive. Life was good . T here was just one more feat left to complete my goal. I needed to get through t hat first day of classes . A couple w eeks had passed . School was just around the corner. I was sitting in my room t he night before the first class when a text message popped up on my phone . I la ughed as I read the message . Western had cancelled school for the next day ! The weather was t oo cold! I would have given anything for that news when I was i n high school! “Ah we ll, what’s another day, right? ” Wink: An Online Journal Reflection Essay: Justin S. Instructor: Amer y Bodelson 3 It was a cold morning on January 7, 2014. T he real first day of class es had arrived . I walked through the doors of the C oleman C enter and made my way down the hall to room 142. Seeing the o ther students in the hall waiting to start class brought on a calming sensation . My l ife had made a positive turn , and my thought process had immensely improved. I was sober almost three months and countless changes for the better had occurred in that time . I felt like nothing could bring me down. I had never realized my potential for progress and had underestimated my ability to cope with the stress of making it happen. Through it all, I maintain ed sobriety . I was ready to continue my new life as a student , eagerly in the pursuit of higher education.