900 wrd rough draft

“Everyday Use”

by Alice Walker

I will wait for her in the yard that Maggie and I made so clean and wavy yesterday afternoon. A yard like

this is more comfortable than most people know. It is not just a yard. It is like an extended living room.

When the h ard clay is swept clean as a floor and the fine sand around the edges lined with tiny, irregular

grooves, anyone can come and sit and look up into the elm tree and wait for the breezes that never come

inside the house.

Maggie will be nervous until after he r sister goes: she will stand hopelessly in corners, homely and

ashamed of the burn scars down her arms and legs, eying her sister with a mixture of envy and awe. She

thinks her sister has held life always in the palm of one hand, that "no" is a word the w orld never learned

to say to her.

You've no doubt seen those TV shows where the child who has "made it" is confronted, as a surprise, by

her own mother and father, tottering in weakly from backstage. (A pleasant surprise, of course: What

would they do if p arent and child came on the show only to curse out and insult each other?) On TV

mother and child embrace and smile into each other's faces. Sometimes the mother and father weep, the

child wraps them in her arms and leans across the table to tell how she w ould not have made it without

their help. I have seen these programs.

Sometimes I dream a dream in which Dee and I are suddenly brought together on a TV program of this

sort. Out of a dark and soft.seated limousine I am ushered into a bright room filled wi th many people.

There I meet a smiling, gray, sporty man like Johnny Carson who shakes my hand and tells me what a

fine girl I have. Then we are on the stage and Dee is embracing me with tears in her eyes. She pins on my

dress a large orchid, even though s he has told me once that she thinks orchids are tacky flowers.

In real life I am a large, big.boned woman with rough, man.working hands. In the winter I wear flannel

nightgowns to bed and overalls dur.ing the day. I can kill and clean a hog as mercilessly as a man. My fat

keeps me hot in zero weather. I can work outside all day, breaking ice to get water for washing; I can eat

pork liver cooked over the open fire minutes after it comes steaming from the hog. One winter I knocked

a bull calf straight in the brain between the eyes with a sledge hammer and had the meat hung up to chill

before nightfall. But of course all this does not show on television. I am the way my daughter would want

me to be: a hundred pounds lighter, my skin like an uncooked barley pan cake. My hair glistens in the hot

bright lights. Johnny Carson has much to do to keep up with my quick and witty tongue.

But that is a mistake. I know even before I wake up. Who ever knew a Johnson with a quick tongue? Who

can even imagine me looking a str ange white man in the eye? It seems to me I have talked to them always

with one foot raised in flight, with my head fumed in whichever way is farthest from them. Dee, though.

She would always look anyone in the eye. Hesitation was no part of her nature.

"H ow do I look, Mama?" Maggie says, showing just enough of her thin body enveloped in pink skirt and

red blouse for me to know she's there, almost hidden by the door.

"Come out into the yard," I say. Have you ever seen a lame animal, perhaps a dog run over b y some careless person rich enough to own a

car, sidle up to someone who is ignorant enough to be kind to him? That is the way my Maggie walks.

She has been like this, chin on chest, eyes on ground, feet in shuffle, ever since the fire that burned the

othe r house to the ground.

Dee is lighter than Maggie, with nicer hair and a fuller figure. She's a woman now, though sometimes I

forget. How long ago was it that the other house burned? Ten, twelve years? Sometimes I can still hear

the flames and feel Maggie' s arms sticking to me, her hair smoking and her dress falling off her in little

black papery flakes. Her eyes seemed stretched open, blazed open by the flames reflected in them. And

Dee. I see her standing off under the sweet gum tree she used to dig gum o ut of; a look of concentration

on her face as she watched the last dingy gray board of the house fall in toward the red.hot brick chimney.

Why don't you do a dance around the ashes? I'd wanted to ask her. She had hated the house that much.

I used to think she hated Maggie, too. But that was before we raised money, the church and me, to send

her to Augusta to school. She used to read to us without pity; forcing words, lies, other folks' habits,

whole lives upon us two, sitting trapped and ignorant underneath her voice. She washed us in a river of

make.believe, burned us with a lot of knowl edge we didn't necessarily need to know. Pressed us to her

with the serf' ous way she read, to shove us away at just the moment, like dimwits, we seemed about to

understand .

Dee wanted nice things. A yellow organdy dress to wear to her grad.uation from high school; black

pumps to match a green suit she'd made from an old suit somebody gave me. She was determined to stare

down any disaster in her efforts. Her eyelids would no t flicker for minutes at a time. Often I fought off the

temptation to shake her. At sixteen she had a style of her own: and knew what style was.

I never had an education myself. After second grade the school was closed down. Don't ask my why: in

1927 color ed asked fewer questions than they do now. Sometimes Maggie reads to me. She stumbles

along good.naturedly but can't see well. She knows she is not bright. Like good looks and money,

quickness passes her by. She will marry John Thomas (who has mossy teeth in an earnest face) and then

I'll be free to sit here and I guess just sing church songs to myself. Although I never was a good singer.

Never could carry a tune. I was always better at a man's job. I used to love to milk till I was hooked in the

side in '4 9. Cows are soothing and slow and don't bother you, unless you try to milk them the wrong way.

I have deliberately turned my back on the house. It is three rooms, just like the one that burned, except the

roof is tin; they don't make shingle roofs any more . There are no real windows, just some holes cut in the

sides, like the portholes in a ship, but not round and not square, with rawhide holding the shutters up on

the outside. This house is in a pasture, too, like the other one. No doubt when Dee sees it s he will want to

tear it down. She wrote me once that no matter where we "choose" to live, she will manage to come see

us. But she will never bring her friends. Maggie and I thought about this and Maggie asked me, "Mama,

when did Dee ever have any friends?"

She had a few. Furtive boys in pink shirts hanging about on washday after school. Nervous girls who

never laughed. Impressed with her they worshiped the well.turned phrase, the cute shape, the scalding

humor that erupted like bubbles in Iye. She read to them.

When she was courting Jimmy T she didn't have much time to pay to us, but turned all her faultfinding

power on him. He flew to marry a cheap city girl from a family of ignorant flashy people. She hardly had

time to recompose herself. When she comes I will meet — but there they are!

Maggie attempts to make a dash for the house, in her shuffling way, but I stay her with my hand. "Come

back here, " I say. And she stops and tries to dig a well in the sand with her toe.

It is hard to see them clearly through the strong sun. But even the first glimpse of leg out of the car tells

me it is Dee. Her feet were always neat.looking, as if God himself had shaped them with a certain style.

From the other side of the car comes a short, stocky man. Hair is all over his head a foot long and hanging

from his chin like a kinky mule tail. I hear Maggie suck in her breath. "Uhnnnh, " is what it sounds like.

Like when you see the wriggling end of a snake just in front of your foot on the road. "Uhnnnh."

Dee next. A dress down to the ground, in this hot weather. A dress so loud it hurts my eyes. There are

yellows and oranges enough to throw back the light of the sun. I feel my whole face warming from the

heat waves it throws out. Earrings gold, too, and hanging down to her shoul .ders. Bracelets dangling and

making noises when she moves her arm up to shake the folds of the dress out of her armpits. The dress is

loose and flows, and as she walks closer, I like it. I hear Maggie go "Uhnnnh" again. It is her sister's hair.

It stands straight up like the wool on a sheep. It is black as night and around the edges are two long

pigtails that rope about like small lizards disappearing behind her ears.

"Wa.su.zo.Tean.o!" she says, coming on in that gliding way the dress makes her move. The short stocky

fellow with the hair to his navel is all grinning and he follows up with "Asalamalakim, my mother and

sister!" He moves to hug Maggie but she falls back, right up against the back of my chair. I feel her

trembling there and when I look up I se e the perspiration falling off her chin.

"Don't get up," says Dee. Since I am stout it takes something of a push. You can see me trying to move a

second or two before I make it. She turns, showing white heels through her sandals, and goes back to the

car. Out she peeks next with a Polaroid. She stoops down quickly and lines up picture after picture of me

sitting there in front of the house with Maggie cowering behind me. She never takes a shot without mak'

ing sure the house is included. When a cow comes ni bbling around the edge of the yard she snaps it and

me and Maggie and the house. Then she puts the Polaroid in the back seat of the car, and comes up and

kisses me on the forehead.

Meanwhile Asalamalakim is going through motions with Maggie's hand. Maggie' s hand is as limp as a

fish, and probably as cold, despite the sweat, and she keeps trying to pull it back. It looks like

Asalamalakim wants to shake hands but wants to do it fancy. Or maybe he don't know how people shake

hands. Anyhow, he soon gives up on Maggie.

"Well," I say. "Dee."

"No, Mama," she says. "Not 'Dee,' Wangero Leewanika Kemanjo!"

"What happened to 'Dee'?" I wanted to know.

"She's dead," Wangero said. "I couldn't bear it any longer, being named after the people who oppress me."

"You know as well as me you was named after your aunt Dicie," I said. Dicie is my sister. She named

Dee. We called her "Big Dee" after Dee was born.

"But who was she named after?" asked Wangero. "I guess after Grandma Dee," I said.

"And who was she named after?" asked Wangero.

"Her mother," I said, and saw Wangero was getting tired. "That's about as far back as I can trace it," I

said. Though, in fact, I probably could have carried it back beyond the Civil War through the branches.

"Well," said Asalamalakim, "there you are."

"Uhnnnh," I heard Maggie say.

"There I was not," I said, "before 'Dicie' cropped up in our family, so why should I try to trace it that far

back?"

He just stood there grinning, looking down on me like somebody inspecting a Model A car. Every once in

a while he and Wangero sent eye signals over my head.

"How do you pronounce this name?" I asked.

"You don't have to call me by it if you don't want to," said Wangero.

"Why shouldn't 1?" I asked. "If that's what you want us to call you, we'll call you."

. "I know it might sound awkward at first," said Wangero.

"I'll get used to it," I said. "Ream it out again."

Well, soon we got the name out of the way. Asalamalakim had a name twice as long and three times as

hard. After I tripped over it two or three time s he told me to just call him Hakim.a.barber. I wanted to ask

him was he a barber, but I didn't really think he was, so I didn't ask.

"You must belong to those beef.cattle peoples down the road," I said. They said "Asalamalakim" when

they met you, too, but they didn't shake hands. Always too busy: feeding the cattle, fixing the fences,

putting up salt.lick shelters, throwing down hay. When the white folks poisoned some of the herd the men

stayed up all night with rifles in their hands. I walked a mile and a half just to see the sight.

Hakim.a.barber said, "I accept some of their doctrines, but farming and raising cattle is not my style."

(They didn't tell me, and I didn't ask, whether Wangero (Dee) had really gone and married him.)

We sat down to eat and rig ht away he said he didn't eat collards and pork was unclean. Wangero, though,

went on through the chitlins and com bread, the greens and everything else. She talked a blue streak over

the sweet potatoes. Everything delighted her. Even the fact that we stil l used the benches her daddy made

for the table when we couldn't effort to buy chairs.

"Oh, Mama!" she cried. Then turned to Hakim.a.barber. "I never knew how lovely these benches are. You

can feel the rump prints," she said, running her hands underneath h er and along the bench. Then she gave

a sigh and her hand closed over Grandma Dee's butter dish. "That's it!" she said. "I knew there was something I wanted to ask you if I could have." She jumped up from the table and went over in the corner

where the chu rn stood, the milk in it crabber by now. She looked at the churn and looked at it.

"This churn top is what I need," she said. "Didn't Uncle Buddy whittle it out of a tree you all used to

have?"

"Yes," I said.

"Un huh," she said happily. "And I want the das her, too."

"Uncle Buddy whittle that, too?" asked the barber.

Dee (Wangero) looked up at me.

"Aunt Dee's first husband whittled the dash," said Maggie so low you almost couldn't hear her. "His name

was Henry, but they called him Stash."

"Maggie's brain is like an elephant's," Wangero said, laughing. "I can use the chute top as a centerpiece

for the alcove table," she said, sliding a plate over the chute, "and I'll think of something artistic to do with

the dasher."

When she finished wrapping the dasher the handle stuck out. I took it for a moment in my hands. You

didn't even have to look close to see where hands pushing the dasher up and down to make butter had left

a kind of sink in the wood. In fact, there were a lot of small sinks; you could see where thu mbs and

fingers had sunk into the wood. It was beautiful light yellow wood, from a tree that grew in the yard

where Big Dee and Stash had lived.

After dinner Dee (Wangero) went to the trunk at the foot of my bed and started rifling through it. Maggie

hung back in the kitchen over the dishpan. Out came Wangero with two quilts. They had been pieced by

Grandma Dee and then Big Dee and me had hung them on the quilt ftames on the ftont porch and quilted

them. One was in the Lone Stat pattetn. The other was Walk Around the Mountain. In both of them were

scraps of dresses Grandma Dee had wotn fifty and more years ago. Bits and pieces of Grandpa Jattell's

Paisley shirts. And one teeny faded blue piece, about the size of a penny matchbox, that was from Great

Grandpa Ezra's unifotm that he wore in the Civil War.

"Mama," Wangro said sweet as a bird. "Can I have these old quilts?"

I heard something fall in the kitchen, and a minute later the kitchen door slammed.

"Why don't you take one or two of the others?" I asked. "T hese old things was just done by me and Big

Dee from some tops your grandma pieced before she died."

"No," said Wangero. "I don't want those. They are stitched around the borders by machine."

"That'll make them last better," I said.

"That's not the point," said Wangero. "These are all pieces of dresses Grandma used to wear. She did all

this stitching by hand. Imag' ine!" She held the quilts securely in her atms, stroking them. "Some of the pieces, like those lavender ones, come ftom old clothes her mother h anded down to her," I

said, moving up to touch the quilts. Dee (Wangero) moved back just enough so that I couldn't reach the

quilts. They already belonged to her.

"Imagine!" she breathed again, clutching them closely to her bosom.

"The ttuth is," I said, " I promised to give them quilts to Maggie, for when she matties John Thomas."

. She gasped like a bee had stung her.

"Maggie can't appreciate these quilts!" she said. "She'd probably be backward enough to put them to

everyday use."

"I reckon she would," I said. "God knows I been saving 'em for long enough with nobody using 'em. I

hope she will!" I didn't want to bring up how I had offered Dee (Wangero) a quilt when she went away to

college. Then she had told they were old~fashioned, out of style.

"But they 're priceless!" she was saying now, furiously; for she has a temper. "Maggie would put them on

the bed and in five years they'd be in rags. Less than that!"

"She can always make some more," I said. "Maggie knows how to quilt."

Dee (Wangero) looked at me wi th hatred. "You just will not under.stand. The point is these quilts, these

quilts!"

"Well," I said, stumped. "What would you do with them7"

"Hang them," she said. As if that was the only thing you could do with quilts.

Maggie by now was standing in the do or. I could almost hear the sound her feet made as they scraped

over each other.

"She can have them, Mama," she said, like somebody used to never winning anything, or having anything

reserved for her. "I can 'member Grandma Dee without the quilts."

I looke d at her hard. She had filled her bottom lip with checkerberry snuff and gave her face a kind of

dopey, hangdog look. It was Grandma Dee and Big Dee who taught her how to quilt herself. She stood

there with her scarred hands hidden in the folds of her skir t. She looked at her sister with something like

fear but she wasn't mad at her. This was Maggie's portion. This was the way she knew God to work.

When I looked at her like that something hit me in the top of my head and ran down to the soles of my

feet. Ju st like when I'm in church and the spirit of God touches me and I get happy and shout. I did

some.thing I never done before: hugged Maggie to me, then dragged her on into the room, snatched the

quilts out of Miss Wangero's hands and dumped them into Maggie 's lap. Maggie just sat there on my bed

with her mouth open.

"Take one or two of the others," I said to Dee. But she turned without a word and went out to Hakim~a~barber.

"You just don't understand," she said, as Maggie and I came out to the car.

. "What don't I understand?" I wanted to know.

"Your heritage," she said, And then she turned to Maggie, kissed her, and said, "You ought to try to make

something of yourself, too, Maggie. It's really a new day for us. But from the way you and Mama still live

you' d never know it."

She put on some sunglasses that hid everything above the tip of her nose and chin.

Maggie smiled; maybe at the sunglasses. But a real smile, not scared. After we watched the car dust settle

I asked Maggie to bring me a dip of snuff. And t hen the two of us sat there just enjoying, until it was time

to go in the house and go to bed.