Complete 4 page APA formatted essay: Monologue.Download file to see previous pages... But at least, it helps me keep away thoughts of acute loneliness and the persistent fear of death that visits my m

Complete 4 page APA formatted essay: Monologue.

But at least, it helps me keep away thoughts of acute loneliness and the persistent fear of death that visits my mind. My daily routines provide another source of comfort during my old age. The punctual regime of waking up at the stroke of dawn, making my own breakfast, cleaning the two rooms and the kitchen, at prefixed hours gives me a sense of surety. At the same time, at times these daily routines could be oppressive, as they constrain me from trying something new or different – activities that would cheer me up or rejuvenate me. At times I think that I should volunteer for community work, so that I meet up new people and perhaps acquire new friends. The death of my husband has been a catastrophic event in my life. Since his demise, I’ve lost a great deal of physical and mental strength to face up to life’s challenges. He was a man whom I deeply loved. to lose him at an untimely and premature fashion has shattered me deep inside. That we did not have children during our married life further adds to my pain and loneliness. When I was young, I would dream of having kids of my own as part of married life. This dream was never fulfilled. But, whenever I look at children in the streets, they bring out my unfulfilled maternal instincts and make me feel incomplete. This longing has, in recent times, invaded my nightly dreams as well, as images of little girls frequent the fantasy world of my sleep. When I first encountered the little girl Miriam (how strange but inevitable that her name is same as that of mine), I felt a genuine affection for her. Although I did not show it expressly (or at least I thought I did not), perhaps, she too sensed my loneliness. This is probably what gave her the license to come visit me again without me having invited her. For a girl who is hardly 10 years, it’s remarkable the way she behaves. There is something strange about young Miriam as well. She sometimes seems to possess wisdom that is beyond her years (as evident in the range of vocabulary she uses). Yet, at other times, she behaves very petulantly, as in the other day, when she broke the flower vase and trampled the flowers in anger. What is so eerie with respect to young Miriam is that she somehow managed to see through my loneliness. It was this weakness in me which she thoroughly exploits. Despite my utterances to the contrary, Miriam knows quite well that I don’t mind her company, however annoying her behavior is. It could also be true that Miriam is fulfilling my unrequited motherhood. This is perhaps the reason that I get recurrent dreams involving marriage, young girls, etc. The void left by unrequited motherhood must have gotten embedded so deeply in the subconscious that they appear both as conscious thoughts during my waking hours and as persistent dreams during my sleep. With each passing day I am unable to distinguish between what is dream and what is reality. This is highly troubling, as I may eventually lose my sanity if this pattern intensifies. As for young Miriam though, despite her petulance and naughtiness, she is a nice girl. She has some adorable qualities about her. The brilliant white hair of hers and the sprinkle in her searching eyes are very attractive. She also has a mature understanding of human frailties. She was able to spot the loneliness and longing in my heart upfront and from that moment on I’ve been under her spell. She’d somehow become the center of my life however reluctantly I want to admit it.