Creating a Visual Argument, the topic i choose is Should there be a reduction in the marketing of violent toys, games and entertainment to children?

Creating a Visual Argument, the topic i choose is 

Should there be a reduction in the marketing of violent toys, games and entertainment to children?

and i got low grade, please see pdf and and the research and see the problems he marked them he want from me to cite the source and please fix the problems and add more things if you want.