Hi, need to submit a 250 words essay on the topic PEER REVIEW ESSAY.milies,” are inaccurate. “During the same period workers’” requires a comma after period. “The cost to rent a house” sho

Hi, need to submit a 250 words essay on the topic PEER REVIEW ESSAY.

milies,” are inaccurate. “During the same period workers’” requires a comma after period. “The cost to rent a house” should be ‘The cost of renting a house.’ “The cost civilian dental coverage,” and “The cost keeping up with oral hygiene” should have ‘of’ after cost.

The main idea is clear, but the thesis could have been better stated. Maybe a stronger thesis would be “Careers in the military clearly outmatch their civilian counterparts because of their exceptional healthcare program, family services, and educational benefits.”

The tone is appropriate for a college level essay. The author’s ideas flow logically. The organization could be improved by devoting a single paragraph each to a military and civilian career in terms of health insurance, family and education, making the essay 8 paragraphs in length, including the introduction and conclusion.

This suggested organization would ensure that there is no repetition of points in the essay. The essay could also be improved by pointing out some similarities in the two careers in the introduction. Here, the essay focuses only on contrasts and does not make any