I am writing a personal narrative final draft paper: From my rough draft (Attached below), Instructions is 3-4 pages and double spacedincludes a heading and page numbersincludes a thoughtful and i

I am writing a personal narrative final draft paper: From my rough draft (Attached below), 

Instructions 

• is 3-4 pages and double spaced
• includes a heading and page numbers
• includes a thoughtful and interesting title
• uses the storytelling tools (Attached)

Comments I got: I thought this was a meaningful personal narrative. The strongest part is the relationship between you and your grandmother and how your understanding of the missing rain changes as you grow older. The cracked courtyard, empty garden, prayers, and conversations make the effects of the drought easy to picture. I especially liked how the ending returns to the sound of your grandmother sweeping the dry courtyard. For revision, I would look at a few of the longer sentences and paragraphs and break them up so the ideas are easier to follow. There are also a few places where the explanation of climate change could be clarified, but I would keep the focus on your memories and your grandmother because that is what makes the story powerful. AND ALSO: I must say that I enjoyed reading your narrative. You have a great way of placing descriptors into the conversation, making them feel on point and well placed in the dialogue. don't lose your knack for making words dance around each other. If your Grandmother ever doubted her faith, it would seem that she did not share those doubts with you openly. It seemed by your wording that you felt something had shifted slightly but you didn't want to expound on the subject. Thank you, be well and take care,