I have an already written essay that has many issues and id like you to re-write it based on the instructors comments made on the essay i will provide they original essay and the one with the instruct

I have an already written essay that has many issues and id like you to re-write it based on the instructors comments made on the essay i will provide they original essay and the one with the instructors comments.

Instructors Comment:

"Please see comments. I think you have a great topic, but your ideas and writing are scattered, but easily fixable. "

Please use Primary Sources (can use the U.S constitution, UNDHR, or Colorado State constitution as primary) and Secondary Sources if you need a search engine use Auraria Library

Website: https://library.auraria.edu/

Essay Requirements:

The Work

An appeal is an earnest request to a person for something or to do something.
The problem of interest statement is an opportunity to identify a civil or human rights issue that you will research.
The length of the problem of interest statement is three to five double-spaced pages with one additional reference page.
No late papers will be accepted.

The Problem of Interest Statement

Clearly identify the civil or human rights issue that you wish to research and write about; you must clearly explain why it is an issue. the constitution and various human rights instruments will play a major role here. By necessity, you must be dissatisfied with the way an issues has been dealt with and written about. The issue must be observable and noticeable to the given senses and the mind. The questions you are answering through this writing is: What issue am I going to write about? Why is this an issue? Why is it important to me?
You must show how the issue is thought about and written about and then clearly show why you are dissatisfied with the way it is framed and addressed. To do this, you must engage inpreliminary research on the issue, you must inform and familiarize yourself with the ways this problem is usually conceptualized and treated. At this point, your research does not need to be exhaustive. but it must yield up the contours of the issue. in this part of the writing the questions you are answering are: How is this issue framed and discussed? Why is the framing problematic?
In the final section of this writing you need to select two potential recipients for your appeal. You must explain why you choose these two recipients, and why they are appropriate people to address regarding the issue of your choice. The questions you answer here are: Who are my two potential recipients? Why do I think writing to them is important?

Sources

You must complete preliminary research on your issue in order to write a problem of interest statement.
Look for four sources of information during this phase of the writing process. Since primary source work in conjunction with secondary sources, please select two primary and two secondary sources.
Primary sources are original documents, physical objects, relics, or artifacts created during the time under study by witnesses who lived through the event(s). These sources are either produced at the time of the event, or published at a later date (as with memoirs and autobiographies.)
Original document/primary sources are documents such as letters, diaries, manuscripts, official documents, maps, pictures, and original film footage. Examples include Supreme Court opinions, pieces of legislation, diaries of people engaged in the struggle for civil and human rights who document their experiences, maps of school districts, or first-hand descriptions of events.
Other original documents/primary sources include literature, poetry, drama, music, drawings, and other types of art. An example would be Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man or photographs taken by Gordon Parks of the 20th century struggles for civil and human rights in the US.
Secondary sources are contemporary documents, books, or articles that analyze, evaluates, and synthesizesinformation from primary sources. Most secondary sources refer back to, has pictures and or quotes from the primary source(s), but are written after the event in question.
Secondary sources are commentaries on the discussions of primary sources.
When using a secondary source, it is important to strive to be objective, even though this may not always be completely possible.
A few examples of secondary sources include books, articles, histories, encyclopedias, dictionaries, textbooks, and some websites.
it is important to assess the importance and relevance of the secondary source. It is also important to assess the document critically and evaluate its authorship, language, and reliability. You need to ask: Who is the author? What were her or his motives for writing the document? How reliable do you find her or him to be? What language does the author use? Who is the target audience? How relevant is the document to your topic?