i have attached my first draft essay with my professor's comments.i have also attached my final draft after I made major changes.1- edit the grammar of my final draft.2- try to come up with new, more

i have attached my first draft essay with my professor's comments.

i have also attached my final draft after I made major changes.

1- edit the grammar of my final draft.

2- try to come up with new, more fit, thesis statement ( last 2 sentences in the 2nd paragraph). I'm struggling with my thesis. 

3- you are welcome to make any changes, if necessary, including the order of the graphs, introduction, some points... etc

if you think that it is a B+ paper, please let it be an A paper.