Your are requested to describe hypothetically the symptoms of a psychological disorder from a first person scenario (as if they apply to you).

Your are requested to describe hypothetically the symptoms of a psychological disorder from a first person scenario (as if they apply to you). Which means that you have to imagine that you actually have that disorder (without really having it, just by learning about it from the text) and you are explaining it to your therapist. Others have to try to guess what it is so you want to be clear and provide a few clues.. 

here's an example:

dr. therapy: thank you for coming. what can i do to help.

me: dont thank me please. thank the judge that made me. (mumble: as if i have time for this.).

dr. yes, yes, of course. maybe you can tell me why they sent you here.

me: really? telling me you do not even know? everyone out in your waiting room, including nurses and secretaries and patients know why i am here and they are surely enjoying their gossip.

dr. yes. you are right.. i do know that you were sent here because you threatened to rearrange the school principal's face with the mirror you broke in his office. 

but maybe you can tell me with your own words. after all, there is two sides to the story.

me: nope. i did. i broke the mirror and i really wanted to scare the stupid principal.

dr. tell me why you did all that so i can help you ?

me: (mumbling) sure you want to help me. you just want to hear my story so you can go home and blot about how sick i am and what a healer you are)

dr. you said what? are you talking to yourself?

me: yes.

dr. do you often do that?

me: only if it makes you believe i am crazy.

dr. ok, back to what happened today. tell me please. what let to the incident.

me: you mean what lead to the incident from the start or from my discussion with the holy educator?

dr. nono not from the start dear. just tell me the story. before you went to the principle, what happened.

me: well, it might be interesting to you to know that i told my boss to eat s--t and die before i left to my son's school too.

dr. you did? why? that means you lost your job too?

me: well, it might be hard for you to believe but if my son's school calls with an urgent matter, and my boss does not allow me to leave early, then she can eat s--t and die.

dr. oh, so they called you to school but the boss wouldn't let you leave.

me: you got it big shot. she drove me crazy. if she had a problem, then it is ok for her but not for us. i feel good i sent her to hell.

dr. yes, but now you have no job.

me: you call that job? honestly, couldn't even have enough for the couple of drinks i enjoy before bed. i made out better from government assistance.

dr. but you are young and strong, tell me why they wanted you at school anyway.

me: they wanted to inform me that my child must repeat his class for the second time. they said he has a speech problem and that they warned me to only speak english to him but my father does not know english and they love to talk to each other. so now the kid is going to be hearbroken again.

dr. i see. i totally understand. you sound like a good parent who cares about her kids.

me: whispering to myself. oh yes, totally. you understand me. we are just the same. you with your tailored suit and clean office and spotless shoes and me, with my .... yes.... we are very similar and you are very blind.

dr. would you please stop talking to yourself and talk to me? tell me what is bothering you? why so angry? do you drink often?

me: oh great. now i am alcoholic too.

dr. why do you treat me with such hostility? i am on your side and want to help you.

me: great, another helpful person wants to feel good about himself. help me. let me go home to finish the laundry and that would help me.

dr. you seem to have a lot hanging on your shoulders. do you have help.

me: yes, i have a maid and a butler and my car actually drives from a to z without breaking down. and i have so much money i do not have to work stupid jobs. all perfect.

dr. i want to help you become better and i want to send you home with an assignment. i want you to eat well so you can lose some weight and improve your self esteem. i want you to walk twenty minutes a day and i want you to write a list of what would help you do when you feel angry so you do not lash out. and then i want you to come back next week so i can start your treatment.

me: ok, so i am crazy. good. thank you.

dr. next week. same time please. we will start your treatment.

me: i can not. i do not have the money or the time. next week i have to take my disabled elderly mother to the hospital for a surgery. and i already do not know who is going to watch the kids. so please do not add to my troubles. 

what is my disorder?

(really, i would very much like it if you try to guess my disorder:-)