PROMPT Revise the following paragraph to improve clarity, brevity, and organization: As for many food components, the intake of metal ions can be a...

PROMPT

Revise the following paragraph to improve clarity, brevity, and organization:

As for many food components, the intake of metal ions can be a double edged sword. The requirement for ingestion of trace metals such as Fe and Cu ions to maintain normal body functions such as the synthesis of metalloproteins is well established. However, cases of excess intake of trace metal ions are credited with pathological events such as the deposition of iron oxides in Parkinson's disease [1]. In addition to aiding neurological depositions, these redox active metals ions have been credited with enhancing oxidative damage, a key component of chronic inflammatory disease [2] and a suggested initiator of cancer [3]. As inflammation is a characteristic feature of a wide range of diseases, further potential pathological roles for metal ions are emerging as exemplified by premature ageing [4].

(Look up any terms that you do not understand, and make your best guess at the authors' intended meaning.)

As for many food components, the intake of metal ions can be a double-edged sword. The requirement for ingestion of Fe and Cu ions to maintain normal body functions such as the synthesis of protestations are established. However, cases of excess intake of trace metal ions are credited with pathological events such as the deposition of iron oxides in Parkinson's disease [1]. In addition, to aid neurological depositions, these redo active metals ions have been credited with enhancing oxidation damage, a key component of chronic inflammatory disease [2] and a suggested initiator of cancer [3]. As inflammation is a characteristic feature of many diseases, assist potential pathological roles for metal ions are emerging as exemplified by premature aging [4].

RUBRIC

Please review your peers' work to make sure that they have adequately completed the assignment and have improved the readability of the paragraph.

• Did the author adequately complete the assignment?

0 pts

No, the submission is blank or incomplete or includes only minimal changes to the original text.

1 pt

Yes, the submission includes at least some edits that improve readability.

This exercise has many possible answers, but here is one "model answer" to give you a sense of how much can be cut from this paragraph without sacrificing content:

As for many food components, consuming metal ions can be a double-edged sword. Trace metals such as Fe and Cu ions help maintain normal body functions, such as the synthesis of metalloproteins. However, studies have linked excess intake to oxidative damage [2] and inflammation, as well as specific conditions, including Parkinson's disease [1], cancer [3], and premature ageing [4].

Please provide your peer with specific written feedback to help him/her further improve the paragraph. For example, you may want to point out specific examples of repetition, passive voice, jargon, wordiness, or grammatical errors. Also, let the author know what you liked about his/her submission!