This is a rhetorical essay, but I'm not a foreigner. Can you fix grammar and repeating sentences?

This is a rhetorical essay, but I'm not a foreigner. Can you fix grammar and repeating sentences?

Younggi Baek

Mr. Jones

English 1301.707

03 APRIL 2018

"Gaming can make a better world"

Today I try to support McGonigal theory rhetorically. Her name is Jane McGoigal. She has been making online games for 10 years. She wants that "the next decade is to try to make it as easy to save the world in real life as it is to save the world in online games" (00:00-00:26 McGoigal). Also, she claims that many people should play bigger and better games. "Right now, we spend three billion hours a week playing games" (00:26-00:42 McGoigal). Maybe many people think it's too much time to spend on the game. However, according to McGoigal research, "Three billion hours a week is not nearly enough game play to solve the world's most urgent problems" (00:26-00:52 McGoigal). She argued that the next generation should increase game time significantly to survive on the planet. Her purpose is that "If we want to solve problems like hunger, poverty, climate change, global conflict, obesity, we need to aspire to play games online for at least 21 billion hours a week, by the end of the next decade (00:52-01:27 McGoigal).

This example is a rhetorical technique using pathos. She shows people a picture. She explains that "This picture pretty much sums up why I think games are so essential to the future survival of the human species" (01:27-01:33 McGoigal). This picture is a gamer picture that shows a smile while playing a game. She would have wanted to show the gamer's feelings during the game. Most people would have seen a positive signal from the photo. A person's expression can show anyone's condition objectively. Also, we can distinguish the expressions of happy and unhappy people. Making emotions felt by others is simple but has great effects. She argues that "this is the face we need to see on millions of problem-solvers all over the world as we try to tackle the obstacles of the next century the face of someone who, against all odds, is the verge of an epic win" (02:17-02:51 McGoigal). However, she thinks we are not as good as the game in our reality and when we are in the game world, we think we have the best view of ourselves. But when we face problems in reality, we feel overwhelmed, anxious and depressed. When we paly video games, we are given the right task for the level in the game. In other words, we do not present challenges that we can not achieve in the game. Secondly, game player can easily find many collaborators in the game. Third, gamers can see their abilities numerically. "When we talk about how much time we're currently investing in playing games, the only it makes sense to even think about it is to talk about time at the magnitude of human evolution, which is an extraordinary thing" (06:11-06:38 McGoigal). She believes that by playing games we are evolving into a more cooperative and warmer species. Her goal is to inform the audience that during the game we will feel happy in the game and become a person to cooperate with the warm person through the game.

Through this statistical data, she communicates her purpose to the audience this time.  According to Carnegie Mellon University, "The average young person today in a country with a strong gamer culture will have spent 10,000 hours playing online games by the 21" (06:38-07:10 McGoigal). She thinks that there are two important things about spending time as a game time. "First of all, for children in the United States, 10,080 hours is the exact amount of time you will spend in school, from fifth grade to high school graduation, if you have perfect attendance" (06:38-07:10 McGoigal). According to Malcolm Gladwell, everyone needs 10,000hours to be successful. This means that that the younger generations we are seeing are the virtuoso gamers. Now there are 500 million good gamers in the world, and in the next 10 years there will be one billion new good gamers. "The game industry is developing consoles that are low-energy and that work with the wireless phone networks instead of broadband internet, so that gamers all over the world, particularly in India, China, Brazil, can get online" (07:51-08:42 McGoigal). The game industry thinks that there will be an additional 1 billion gamers in 10 years. "So, I've started to think about what these games are marking us virtuosos at" (08:42-09:30 McGoigal). The first is optimism. The reason is that gamers try to challenge with a reasonable hope in the game. The second is the social network. Also, "There's a lot of interesting research that shows we like people better after we play a game with them, even if they've beaten us badly" (08:42-09:30 McGoigal). The result is a stronger social relationship. The third reason is happiness. "when we're playing a game, that we're actually happier working hard than we are relaxing or hanging out" (09:30-10:04 McGoigal). Finally: epic meaning. "gamer love to be attached to awe-inspiring missions to human planetary-scale stories" (10:03-10:42 McGoigal). She believes that if games are granted extreme autonomy, they all have the ability to change the world on their own. Audience would have seen statistically the positive effects of the games. The purpose of this paragraph is to allow gamers to have a stronger social relationship in the game than reality and get feedback more easily.

This example is historical perspective. Game was invented the first game 2,500 years ago. This is an ancient dice made of sheep bone. "Herodotus say that games, particularly dice games, were invented in the kingdom of Lydia, during a time of famine" (11:59-12:33 McGoigal). At that time, people did not have enough food, so they invented and played games to forget their hunger. The result was successful that "According to Herodotus, they passed 18 years this way, surviving through a famine, by eating on one day, and playing dames on the next" (12:32-13:10 McGonigal). One of the current world's issues is economic recession, so it is hard for people to find jobs. I am confident that we will be able to give people hope and jobs by using similar methods used in the past. McGonigal said that "We are using games to escape real-world suffering—we're using games to get away from everything that's broken in the real environment, everything that's not satisfying about real life, and we're getting what we need from games" (13:10-13:34 McGonigal). The more amazing thing is not over here. "According to Herodotus, after 18 tears the famine wasn't getting better, so the king decided they would play one final dice game." (13:34-14:08 McGonigal). The last game was to decide who to leave the kingdom and who to leave. The reason is that the king wanted to somehow flourish civilization. Most audiences will not believe this story. "But recently, DNA evidence has shown that the Etruscans, who then led to the Roman Empire, actually share the same DNA as the ancient Lydians" (14:08-14:46 McGonigal). The story is true. Also, "Geologists have found evidence of a global cooling that lasted for nearly 20 years, that could have explained the famine. McGonigal argues that they saved their culture by playing game. The audience would have learned a new perspective on the game through a more factual history. History is an objective fact and there is now a lot of evidence and it seems to change the perception of the game to the audience.

McGonigal gives context statistics on current video games and explains how many people feel happy with video games. Also, McGonigal sure that "if we want to solve problems like hunger, poverty, climate change, global conflict, obesity, I believe that we need to aspire to play fames online for at least 21 billion hours a week, by the end of the next decade (00:52-01:23 McGonigal). Also, she say that "Well I hope you will agree with me that gamers are a h human resource that we can use to do real-world work, that games are a powerful platform for change" (18:39-19:11 McGonigal). Listen to me once and think about it. About a hundred years ago, children would not have dreamed of a job as an airplane pilot. Only a hundred years ago, people could not go to the moon. Now it is not impossible to do these two things. At first, I thought McGonigal's theory was impossible. However, when I thought of her theory rhetorically, I realized that her theory might be possible. The reason is that there are cases in which lifestyles or occupations that existed in the past cannot be found in the present life. What we thought was impossible in the past is now possible. I believe that things that are not currently possible will be possible in the future, and that changes in career and lifestyle will be different from current ways. The development of electronic devices is still changing rapidly. If you look back on the way of life twenty years ago, you will surely realize that her theory is not impossible.