I need proofreading and editing of a personal statement for a medical withdrawal petition. I would appreciate in-depth analysis and advice on how to...

I need proofreading and editing of a personal statement for a medical withdrawal petition.

I would appreciate in-depth analysis and advice on how to improve it.

I have copy and pasted my personal statement draft below.

Hello, my name is N.P., I am appealing for my petition for complete retroactive medical withdrawal be granted out of the time-period allowed due to extenuating circumstances. Words cannot express the gratitude I feel that the committee is willing to hear my case and for all the resources the University of Arizona has to offer for students in situations similar to mine. Although I am responsible for my actions, academic performance, and the consequences, I feel it is imperative that the committee knows why I did what I did and not just what I did. It is not possible to make an informed decision without knowing the underlying reasons for my continued academic failure and why my academic record is not an accurate representation or indicator of me, my academic commitment, capabilities, or future. I feel that this experience has changed me for the better making me a more determined, compassionate, and wise person that has faced the adversity of a mental illness and overcome it. I sincerely hope for the committee's support and deem me deserving of this second chance that would allow me to continue my academic career at an institution I love so dearly.

When I left home to attend the University of Arizona I never imagined that 3 years later I would be here. I was eager to further my education at an institution that had so much so offer me socially, academically, etc. I was not able to live in the dorms freshman year and lived at one of the off campus apartments with a group of sophomores that I had been placed with by the building. I rushed for the purpose of meeting new people and especially other freshman. Shortly after, school started and I began to notice no matter how much I slept I had absolutely no energy. I knew something was wrong and went to campus health. After that initial visit, I went at least once a week to see Dr. Walsh at campus health. I had the Epstein- Barr Virus and the only thing I could do was rest and hope it went dormant as fast as possible so I could resume my life as a student. I grew increasingly frustrated and internally upset that I could not function and there was nothing I or the doctor could do. I missed class, slept all the time, slowly began isolating myself more and more, leading to the development of severe anxiety. At Dr. Walsh's suggestion I completely medically withdrew from my first semester, Fall 2015. I went home for the rest of the semester and eventually the Epstein- Barr went into remission. I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication to help with the constant and severe anxiety I was feeling. In addition, during this time I was also involved in a toxic relationship that was only making my emotional and physical health worse. By the end of winter break, I was eager to get back to school and have a redeeming next semester. I did feel better. I had no clue this was only the beginning of how I dug myself into a deeper and darker hole every semester that passed until my dismissal from the University. I was ignorant to how clearly I was showing many of signs of a depression and anxiety issue that grew worse the longer it went untreated. The only thing I wanted was to go back to school and move on, so my parents allowed me to enroll for the spring 2016 semester. 

The entire spring 2016 semester, I was completely isolated, never coming out of my room, and again not going to classes. My roommates, even texted me to ask if I had moved out at one point during the semester. I was crying all the time and couldn't articulate why. I was working so hard to hide my feelings and what was going on that I was a ball of nerves all the time. I was constantly trying to appease my boyfriend so that he wouldn't get upset with me, but was still fighting with him more often than not. I was in complete denial, lying to everyone, myself included. I was getting increasingly depressed. My actions contradicted what I wanted and my intentions. I felt betrayed by myself and didn't know why I was doing this to myself, when I knew what the right things to do were, but still chose to do the opposite of those things. I failed this semester and in turn got more depressed and more anxious.

Summer of 2016 I enrolled in summer courses with the intention of passing the classes and catching up on units. I was so far detached from reality thinking that after the past two semesters of making the mistake of pushing myself when I was not capable. I failed every single summer course I took. I lied to my parents and told them I had done well in order to be able to go back to school in the fall. I wanted to experience recruitment and was hoping that would bring me closer to my sorority sisters. I was not only lying to my parents, but also my boyfriend. I couldn't tell the truth about anything because with him everything I did was wrong. 

The Fall semester of 2016 I seemed to be improving, until about halfway through the semester when I reverted back to isolation. I had a negative experience with recruitment and felt that there was no one left at school I could turn to. I only engaged with my boyfriend, but still felt lonely and sad. My relationship had reached the point of such misery that even I knew it had to end, but was too scared of losing the last friend I thought I had. My mom had grown increasingly concerned that I would never leave my apartment and ignore all texts and calls. She called a friend, now my roommate, I had been close with growing up who also attends the University of Arizona to come check on me. This was the catalyst to getting out of the dark place I was in. I knew at this point I had someone I could call a friend. 

When I went back to school Spring 2017, I could not enroll in classes. I was emotionally paralyzed. What had I done? I went to speak with my advisor who informed me that I had been dismissed from the university and could attend pima. I felt like my world had ended, nothing could have been worse. Thankfully I finally told my mom what was going on and she helped me through the hopelessness to file my original retroactive withdrawal, that ended up getting lost, in the first week of may. I remember the overwhelming shame I felt having to ask my former professors to sign forms that confirmed I was a failure. My mom was finally able to find a psychologist after months of calling and searching online. I began Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Therapy was extremely helpful.

I am currently attending pima community college in the hopes of being able to return to the University of Arizona. I have done well and have regained my self-confidence in my academic ability. This is thanks to continued therapy and a recent change in medication. I feel like myself. I finally recognize myself again. I have worked very hard to accept everything that happened and be at peace with it. Leaving the denial and lying behind, every aspect of my life began improving. I now have an incredible group of friends, feel happy, have good grades, and a great living situation. I am grateful that I have the support system I do.